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aesethewitch · 23 days

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From Notes to Grimoire

I’ve talked some about my thoughts and recommendations for taking notes for witchcraft, but what comes after that? In my method, notes are taken in a date-based, linear fashion. Subjects aren’t usually grouped together (unless you’re using separate notebooks for specific topics), and it can be tough to use rough notes like that for much more than basic study. I said in that post that I wasn’t talking about a reference document; I was just talking about writing down thoughts, ideas, spell tests, book notes, study notes, theory notes, and other assorted things as you research and learn about your craft.

So what about when you want to take your rough study notes and turn them into a nice-looking, well-organized, practical collection that’s better for regular referencing and actual use? That’s when you go from notes to grimoire.

(Note that this post is loaded with my opinions. I say it throughout, but go into this knowing that I’m speaking from my personal perspective — you won’t, and really you shouldn’t — agree with everything I say here.)

What Goes into a Grimoire?

Ultimately, what you put in your grimoire is up to you. I’m of the opinion that grimoires are and should be working documents. If you aren’t familiar with the term “working document,” it just means that the contents of the grimoire are always under construction. It means that you’re allowed to add, remove, and modify things as your practice changes over time. It also means that you’re supposed to reevaluate the grimoire’s contents every so often to make those updates. Complacency is the enemy of progress — there’s always a new question to ask or a new perspective to take. Keep the working document mentality in mind while you decide what to put in your grimoire.

With that said, in my opinion, a grimoire is not a place to take raw notes, write out theories, test spells, or even record divinations. Those things ought to go in your notebook, not your grimoire.

A grimoire is a reference document. It holds information on the spells, rituals, traditions, incantations, observances, and materials you actually use and need to look up. Grimoires are practical tools. Yes, they can look nice, but if the function isn’t there, it isn’t a grimoire — it’s just a scrapbook.

So, what should you put in a grimoire? Here’s a general idea of things I’d recommend:

Proven spells and recipes

Rituals you perform and when you perform them

Sigils, symbols, and spell vessels you’ve made and what they’re for

Instructions for making or obtaining materials for spellwork

A reference sheet for making substitutions

Holidays and events you observe and how you observe them

Divination instructions, including cartomancy spreads, magpie oracle charm lists, symbols you look for, and other relevant information

Plant, herb, stone, and crystal profiles

Fire, smoke, pet, and other safety details and instructions

Your astrological chart and its meanings

Profiles on spirits and deities you work with, including preferred offerings, important dates, descriptions of vessels, and details about any ongoing deals or agreements

Anything you commonly need to reference from books, online articles, or other sources

Conversely, here are things that should not go in a grimoire:

Notes on books you’re reading

Spells that are works in progress

Drawings of sigils in progress

Divination notes

Lists of books you want to read

Lists of topics you want to research next

Notes on spirit encounters

Journal pages

Rambles on magic theory

Information that has nothing to do with your witchcraft, spiritual path, religion, or other related field

Information you simply will not use

Obviously, you can add and remove things as you see fit. You should put whatever you commonly reference and whatever is practical for you in your grimoire. If you’re using it all the time, put it in there. If you don’t use something that “everyone” says “has” to be in your grimoire, don’t put it in. For example, I don’t use my astrological chart for anything. I know my big three, and that’s good enough for me. So, it doesn’t go in the book, no matter how many times I see it on those “what to put in your grimoire!” lists that go around witchblr every so often. Similarly, if you don’t have pets, you don’t need to put pet safety information in your book.

Use your common sense and discretion. Your grimoire is yours. If it isn’t practical, don’t put it in. If it is practical and relevant to you, but no one “recommends” putting that particular bit of information down in a grimoire, who cares? Write it down. You can always take it out later.

Creating and Maintaining a Working Document

Now, you’ll see grimoires referred to as working documents (or “living” documents) pretty frequently. You’re allowed to (and meant to) change things over time as you and your practice change.

But how do you do that? How do you keep an organized, practical reference document if it’s constantly changing?

Well, first of all, stop over-thinking it (I say to myself, frequently and loudly). Second of all, no matter what format you choose, from bound notebooks to binders to apps, the primary idea is to evaluate the contents regularly and to keep them in some kind of predetermined order. How that will look and how frequently you do reviews depends on you, your preferences, your practice, and the medium you choose. So, let’s have a look at some options and how I would suggest setting them up as a working-document-grimoire.

Binders

First (and best, in my opinion), are binders. There are a plethora of sizes and styles, so you can choose based on portability, available volume, color, and features according to your needs.

By far, the greatest benefits of using a binder for a grimoire are versatility and adaptability. You can create sections by inserting hunks of cardboard, sheets of colored paper, or pre-made pages with tabs that stick out for easy navigation. And, if you decide you don’t like the way your sections are organized, you can easily open the binder rings, take the section out, and put it wherever you want. In the same way, you can add and remove pages to any section at any point. You don’t have to allot space ahead of time or worry about running out of room in a given section.

Binders have a sort of inherent working document nature. With these, I would recommend reading through the entire thing at least twice a year to review the contents. When something sticks out as inaccurate, unused, or outdated, remove it. You can discard the page entirely or set up a separate “archive” folder to keep it in so you can look back and remember what you’ve taken out. (I keep one of these, though I’m considering moving it into a folder clipped into the back of my grimoire binder.)

On the other hand, if you find something in your grimoire that needs more attention, detail, or elaboration — or you just get inspired and want to add a new spell or bit of information to what’s already there — you can pull out the old page and replace it, or you can add a new page right after the existing one.

It’s up to you how frequently you go through your grimoire. Remember that this is a practical reference document. Set it up in a way that makes sense to you. Again, the nice thing about binders is that if you decide the way you’ve set it up is no good, you can change it without having to start over completely.

Notebooks

Obviously, there are a ton of types of notebooks out there. It comes down to pure personal preference what kind you go with.

Because notebooks can’t be rearranged in the same way that a binder can, keeping one as a working document obviously looks different. With any kind of bound notebook, I recommend doing a sort of yearly review. If much of your practice has changed, or if you find you’ve run out of room in your grimoire for new entries, it’s time to start into a new notebook. This doesn’t mean you have to disregard the original grimoire entirely.

You can copy over spells, information, and whatever else you like into the new book and shelf the original as a relic or treat the books like volumes in a series. In that way, you wouldn’t copy more than the essentials into the new grimoire; you would instead add entirely new spells, rituals, and information to it.

Either way, I would suggest dating the books. I would jot down at least the year(s) you work in the grimoire for organizational purposes. Remember that practicality and usability are the names of the game. You want to be able to use these books as references for your magical practice to help you remember things accurately.

The major drawback of any kind of notebook is that if you find you hate the way you’ve set it up, you can’t just go back and rearrange it. Once it’s down on paper, it’s down. You would either have to rip out the pages and move them manually, leaving them loose or re-pasted into their new places, or start up a new notebook entirely.

On the other hand, that has benefits, too. It removes the temptation to arrange and rearrange endlessly. If you’re indecisive and would waste too much time worrying about layout as opposed to getting a functional document up and running (even if it’s imperfect), a notebook may actually be a pretty good choice for you. It’s an exercise in tolerance for imperfection, to say the least.

Now, let’s have a brief look at different kinds of notebooks.

Divided Notebooks

First, let’s look at notebooks that come divided already. Whether it’s a subject-divided spiral notebook, a journal with built-in title pages, or journals that are divided into smaller journals inside them, part of the work has already been done for you.

A drawback of using these types of notebooks or journals is that you lose the ability to decide how much space is given to a particular subject. On the other hand, it can make getting started much, much easier. My first grimoire was in a large spiral-bound five-subject notebook. I divided it into five sections: Spells, Holidays and Seasons, Spirits, Plants, and Miscellaneous. Granted, at the time, I was taking notes into my grimoire. It wasn’t a very practical document; that wouldn’t come until several years later, when I figured out why I couldn’t remember anything with any sort of reliability. Now, I’ve got very strong opinions on note-taking and record-keeping.

It’s the chemistry nerd in me.

Blank Notebooks

This includes plain lined notebooks, unlined notebooks, and bullet journals. These are harder to use, in my opinion. I don’t think they’re very friendly to beginners who are creating their very first grimoire. These lend themselves better to note-taking notebooks than official grimoires, but you can certainly make them work.

To make a blank notebook function as a grimoire, you should spend a bit of time deciding the order of contents. How many pages do you want to dedicate to a given subject? What subjects will you place next to each other? Will information about moon phases be followed by planetary information, or will you talk about moon water and moon-based spellwork? Do you want to create sections and title pages ahead of time? To make it organized, you’ll want to decide these things somewhat in advance or leave room to add them later on. It’s easier to add (taping, gluing, paper-clipping, etc.) or remove (cutting, tearing, etc.) pages in some notebooks than others. Take that into account when you choose a notebook for your grimoire!

Sketchbooks

For the more artistically inclined magical practitioner, a sketchbook might make a good choice. If you plan on using materials like paint or watercolors, the thicker paper stock would be a solid asset. Artists will feel right at home drawing sketches, diagrams, sigils, and other illustrative details in their grimoires with a sketchbook. They have the same drawbacks as blank notebooks, being complete blank slates that you have to plan around, but they do end up being very nice to look at.

Like with blank notebooks, consider the order you want to put things in. Jot down titles, content, and ideas for drawings or art pieces you’d like to include in the final product. Remember that because the book is bound, you may not be able to add things to sections that have already been filled in. Consider artistic ways to show what’s on a given page to make it easier to manage — color-coded page edges, for example, might be an idea.

Junk Journals

I genuinely wouldn’t recommend using a junk journal for a formal grimoire. By their nature, they’re messy, disorganized, and difficult to parse through for information. They’re fun to make, don’t get me wrong — I love a junk journal for regular journaling and inspiration. But they don’t lend themselves toward organizational systems. If you’re going to use a junk journal as your formal grimoire, you’ll either have to resign yourself to hunting through pages for what you’re looking for or do some extensive planning in advance.

The best way to make a practical, working-document-style junk journal would be to combine it with a binder, I think. Create those iconic, aesthetic pages. Punch holes in them and place them into a binder in the correct location. That way, you still get the pretty aesthetic of the junk with the practicality of what a grimoire should actually be.

(Personally, I would use the junk journal aesthetic for section title pages in a binder — give it some personality and decoration without sacrificing any of the practicality.)

Digital Documents

I say that binders are the best option, but honestly, digital grimoires are up there, too. If you need to keep your magical practice more secret, if you don’t have time or energy to put together a physical book, or if you would prefer to have a system you can reorganize at the drop of a hat, digital grimoires might be right for you.

There are a ton of programs out there you can use. I’ve used Word, Scrivener, and Obsidian for grimoires and/or witchcraft note-taking, personally. Of them all, Obsidian is the one I would recommend most strongly. Word is… well, it’s Word. Scrivener is wonderful as a writer’s tool, and I use it to write these posts! I had moderate success with it for grimoire work. By far, Obsidian has been the best. The back-linking capabilities alone revolutionized the way I set up my grimoire (and other reference documents, including TTRPG notes). I really can’t recommend it enough.

Another program I’ve seen recommended frequently is Notion. While I can’t speak about it myself, since I haven’t used it, it does get rave reviews — particularly from folks who like to have a nicer aesthetic for their craft. Obsidian is pretty bare-bones aesthetic-wise, so if that’s important to you, Notion may be an option to consider.

With digital grimoires as working documents, I would follow the same guidelines as with a binder. Review the contents regularly, archive anything outdated, and evaluate the organizational layout for practicality. My biggest suggestion is to date the individual entries. Include the date you first create the page, obviously, but I would also include the date of the most recent update. If you want to get really lab-notebooky and formal about it, you could include every date you update it. (That’s what I do, personally, but I come from a database management background.)

The main downside to a digital grimoire is accessibility. If you’re out in the middle of nowhere without a computer or cell service, you may not be able to access your grimoire. I’ve seen folks set up entire grimoires using the notes app on their phones to make it easy to carry around, which is fine… unless you find it difficult to type with a phone keyboard. Physical books can be transported via bags, and they don’t need to be charged like a phone or laptop.

I also find that digital grimoires often lack the charm of a physical one. Even pretty, aesthetic templates on Notion are missing that witchy feeling. You know the one I mean — cracking open a tome of secrets to access the magic within just can’t be done through a screen.

Turning Notes into Reference Materials

This is probably the toughest part. After you decide what you want to include in your grimoire, now you’ve got to actually go through your notes and put together your collection.

The tone of your grimoire doesn’t necessarily need to be overly formal. It also doesn’t have to be publisher-ready. You aren’t writing a book on magic. You’re putting together a collection of materials that you want to be able to reference quickly and easily. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else or be absolutely perfect. Remember — this is a working reference document for you. If you mess it up, you can fix it later. Don’t be afraid to cross stuff out or be a little messy. So long as it stays practical and reference-able, you’re fine.

Spells and rituals are probably the easiest things to copy into a grimoire. You might even be able to copy them over verbatim from your notes, depending on how you took the notes. Bring over any changes you made to the spell, clean up the language, and make it easy to read. If you’ve scribbled on your notes, bring over any annotations that make sense. I wouldn’t copy all commentary; just the things that impact the working itself. You can include a “notes” section after the spell itself if you want to make note of your personal thoughts regarding the spell, what to expect during or after, and other information that might be found in the margins of your raw notes. Trim the excess. You don’t need your “lol this ingredient looks like a dick” joke in your grimoire, but you might want the “this ingredient can cause eye irritation, so don’t touch your face after handling” note.

If you’ve ever written an essay for school, I usually recommend a similar process. Your notebook is the basic first draft. For your grimoire, clean up the draft, fact-check yourself, jot down your sources, and then make it look nice.

“Making it look nice” could mean drawings, stickers, washi tape, pictures, and the like… or, it could mean choosing a clean font and ordering your steps numerically. If you’re hand-writing your grimoire, do your best to keep your writing legible. Always remember that these pages are intended as a reference document. If you can’t go back and read it, it’s failing in its function! That applies to overly-decorative pages, too; if your aesthetic is obscuring the information inside the grimoire to the point where you can’t parse the instructions on the page, it isn’t a grimoire anymore. There’s nothing wrong with a pretty, aesthetic inspiration book, but that’s not what we’re going for here.

My biggest piece of advice when transferring notes into a grimoire is to be practical. Not everything you learn about and jot down in your journal or notebook can (or should) make into your grimoire. If you aren’t going to use a spell, don’t include it. If you don’t go by the Wheel of the Year, don’t put those holidays down in your grimoire. Learning about things and taking in information is what the notebooks are for. Grimoires are akin to manuals.

Only take what you need from your notes. Think about what you want to incorporate and what you already use in your actual practice. You wouldn’t want to take down all of your notes about that witchcraft book you just finished, but maybe there was a spell or a correspondence table that you keep going back to look at. That’s something to put in your grimoire.

My Grimoire

I’m of the opinion that you shouldn’t share your grimoire with just anybody. Frankly, not a single person in my life has ever seen mine. I’ve shown off examples, and I’ll share my note-taking journal(s) on occasion, but you’ll never see my actual grimoire. My grimoire is for me. It isn’t for the aesthetic, and it isn’t for show. It’s a reference document that details my entire practice, from spells adapted from various sources to spirits I’m allied with to traditions that have been passed down in my family.

To no one’s surprise, I actually keep two grimoires. I’ve got my digital grimoire in Obsidian, which also doubles as a note-taking repository. I have several physical notebooks scattered around that I use in the moment, but everything gets recorded digitally for posterity and easy perusal. My Obsidian files are divided into categories which are then sub-divided into specific subjects. Raw notes, experiments, and theory crafting are kept separate from the reference sections.

And I keep a physical grimoire. I used to struggle with keeping physical grimoires. I was always unsatisfied with them, or I forgot about them, or I changed my mind about how I wanted them to be organized mid-way through and ended up frustrated. It’s why I swapped over to exclusively using digital programs — and why I landed at Obsidian in the first place.

But now, having a very good digital system in place, I find myself wanting to travel with my grimoire. I want to take it with me so that I can perform spells on the go. I’d like to take it to the cemeteries and forests I frequent to discuss its contents with those spirits and to accurately perform rituals without having to look at a blurry picture on my phone. Recently, I decided to repurpose an old binder that I once used for character creation. It’s got a pencil pouch in the front, and it isn’t too large to carry around. Plus, to the untrained eye, it just looks like a very nice student’s school binder. I could easily take it to a coffee shop to work on it and raise precisely no eyebrows.

It’s been a work in progress to decide how I want to lay it out. Writing this post and the taking notes post have been really helpful, actually. I think I’ve finally got a solid idea of what I want to put in it and how. It isn’t ready to show off, but I do think that once I have the layout settled, I’ll share more specifics about it to illustrate some of my points made here. Depending on what I decide to share, it may end up a Ko-Fi exclusive. (Just the layout/title cards would be fine to be totally public; pictures or descriptions of the actual pages would be exclusive.)

Ko-Fi supporters saw this post a full week early! If you enjoyed this post, consider throwing a couple dollars in my tip jar to get early access to posts like this one, plus exclusive extras. One-time supporters get 30 days of access to my backlog of exclusive posts, and members get extra benefits like discounts and more content. All support helps me keep the lights on and this blog active. Thanks!

#aese speaks #witchcraft #witchblr #witch community #taking notes #grimoire #making a grimoire #witch tips #for beginner witches #practical witchcraft

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hallow-witxh · 1 year

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Beginners Guide to Spell Casting

I understand that as you grow with your craft, there are moments that can feel overwhelming. Performing your first 'big' spell that's more than a spell jar or burn spell is one of those. I'm hoping that this list, from my own experience, is helpful for y'all.

The order of spell casting:

Intent. This is the very beginning of any spell, even spell jars and burn spells. This is where you decide what your spell is going to do, how it's going to do it, and why. This is the cornerstone of your spell. Based off of your intent, you decide what herbs, crystals, candles, etc. you're going to use.

Building. Going back to intent - this is when you build or plan your spell. What ingredients are you going to use? What time? Moon phase? Place? Are you going to create your own spell or use something you found from someone else?

Kills switch/Protection. I always have two things in my spellwork: a kill switch if things go terribly wrong, and protection from outside forces. These can be involved in a variety of ways, so do some of your own research. You can also reach out to me if you have any questions and I can do my best to point you in the right direction.

Energy Gathering. Just what it sounds like. Big spells take big energy. Focus on your intent, breathe, imagine your energy like a hot sphere in your chest and breathe out. As you breathe out, imagine the heat sliding across your shoulders and down your arms to gather in your hands. At least, that's how I do it. Whatever works for you.

Energy Distribution. Each step of your spell requires some of that energy. However it works for you, make sure you have a steady flow throughout your spell. Focus on your intent. Don't let go of it, keep feeding a steady stream of your energy into the spell. If you tried my method that's above, you can imagine slowly pouring some of that heat into each step of your spell.

Completion. After your spell is completed, it's time to wrap it up. This is important, do not skip this step! Just stopping at the 'end' of a spell leaves it open and unfinished. You have to shut it down somehow.

Leftover Energy? It happens. In my experience, there are two ways to deal with it. The harder option is to reabsorb it. I personally imagine the heat traveling back up my arms and into my chest, sinking into my core and warming my entire body. The easier method is to release it harmlessly. This is where grounding comes in. Once you are grounded, slowly release the excess, exhaling as you do so. It should feel like it's slowly fading, almost evaporating from you.

Thoughts. This is also an important step, although technically optional. I like to journal about my experience and write down ways I think I could have improved the spell or things that I could have done differently. How did you feel during it? Are you tired? Was it too much?

Other things to keep in mind:

If you don't include a kill switch, either on purpose or accidentally leave it out, you can typically shut down the spell by slowly dismissing the energy from each part in reverse order. While you do that, make sure you take apart the physical components of the spell in the reverse order you set them up. Then at the end, come up with a phrase to close it down and pour more energy into it before clamping down on it. This does not apply to every spell, so do research before you attempt to shut down a spell early!

Write down your experiences somehow. Include how you set it up, how you planned it, and your thoughts on each step. This will give you a reference in the future if you want to set something similar up. It's also a good way to reflect back on your progress and journey.

Mistakes happen. Don't beat yourself up over them. We are human before we are witches and naturally, mistakes are a part of our lives.

Do not, under any circumstances, leave in the middle of the spell unless it's an emergency. Yes, there are ways you can incorporate a 'pause', but it can be difficult. This is another reason why I suggest a kill switch.

Keeps pets out of the room. They can become curious and interrupt the process, or burn themselves on a candle.

If you're doing this on a floor, please protect it by laying out a cloth or sheet. Maybe sure you cleansed it first. In fact, most spells should be done on some kind of protective layer, just in case something spills or gets messy. Again, it happens.

Again, keep in mind this is just based off of my personal experience. Some of it may work for you, and some of it may not. If anyone else has anything to add, feel free to leave a comment or reblog with it in the tags/comment! As always, do your research, be safe, and blessed be.

Support your local witch on Ko-Fi or at my store, Hallow Grove!

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deepmochi · 6 months

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Lilith in the 3rd house 👅⛓️

What you need to learn: to listen and learn, be intelligent, and adaptable. Edit: Learn to accep your faults.

What you need to avoid: don't exaggerate, gossip, and blame other for your mistakes.

Celebrities with these placements: Rosalía, Bill Clinton, Bruce Willis, Olivia Rodrigo, Kendall Jenner, Elizabeth Taylor, Grace Kelly, Nicole Rochie, Kate Hudson, Virginia Wolf (apparently), and Jackson Wang. (to name a few)

Lilith in Gemini ♊️ can read it too. It could resonate to a certain extent.

🗝 Easy way with words and at the same time is an issue. People pleasing tendencies that can be damaging.

🗝 An immature native has the syndrome of "I'm different that you because I say so". This could be due to have many siblings.

🗝 Issues with siblings or neighbors, they could feel less than them.

🗝 They like to gossip about others, but they hate to hear things about them.

🗝 Their tones of voices are nice and powerful, so use them wisely.

🗝 They have distinguished words or phrases. Their voice belong to them.

🗝 Artists with these placements have a way with words, in a creative way. For example, Rosalía and Olivia Rodrigo have creative titles and wording.

🗝 Her personal life is very "gossip worthy" to others. People really like to opinionated about it, look a Olivia Rodrigo's issue with Sabrina and Josh. (Note: that wasn't cool for any of them).

🗝 Ironically, sometimes these natives seem to speak something others don't understand.

🗝 Whenever they are insecure, you may notice it when they try to show "how special they are" from the rest.

🗝 The way they damage themselves is through gossips. If they put bad energy towards others, it would come back to them.

🗝 Some give "pick me vibes" since they force the "I'm different discourse". They cannot stop talking about how special they are 😮‍💨. They want you to see it and say it.

🗝 Some can be very annoying about things. Like whining when thing don't go as they wanted.

🗝 They're very intelligent, but they may not appear like that; they feel frustrated at times.

🗝 They have a sibling rivalry. If they are only child, this may translate to peers or neighbors. The truth is that you don't need to compete with anyone. You are you.

🗝 This Lilith is very vocal; she could be very passive aggressive with other and even herself.

🗝 The type of person that says is joking, but it isn't really joking completely. Regina George's style. Her anger will be masked.

🗝 Her words have power.

🗝 This native tend to have many friends or is part of a big social circle. However, they feel alone at times, but they prefer to be with others than alone.

🗝 They know what to say. It clears to them that people believe whatever they say easily.

🗝 They could be the teacher pet or class clown...you name it. They are known in academic settings anyways.

🗝 An undeveloped native is like Gossip Girl, always talking of others and hiding.

🗝 Journaling is very useful; they may have a black list somewhere 🧐✒️.

🗝 The issue with an undeveloped native is that women would avoid them. Why? Is not because she is better than them? No, it's because they cannot trust her. She would use them when she need to. How? Through gossip or lies. I would not trust my deep secrets to a "friend" like that sorry.

🗝 They give me Regina and Gretchen (mixed) vibes from Mean Girls.

🗝 They my overthink about life or academic, prone to anxiety and stress. Also, don't need to be perfect about your performance (school related).

🗝 Overachiever in some cases. Burnout student syndrome. Perfect grades dilemma. This could extend to workplace.

🗝 This is the type of girl that says one thing and do the other. For example, she may text you she is feeling sad; next, she is in party looking happy. 🧐

🗝 She will try to climb in the social game. So, she will not care if she need to steal your bf for the matter. She doesn't want your bf, she needs him for the status.

🗝 They could very detach with others. Be careful with your words. Sometimes, they lack empathy and compassion.

🗝 Good with words, Lilith is so good at gaslighting and manipulating people, even herself. They see feelings in a logical way.

🗝 Deep down, she just wanna feel valuable for her merits. She wants the attention that they didn't give her when she was a kid.

🗝 Professor or teacher humiliated her in some way. She likes academic matters, so don't ever subestimate her abilities.

🗝 She may downgrade herself in other to fit her role.

🗝 Easy to jump from place a to b, but it's hard to stay and establish herself.

🗝 People will try to seal her work, or they don't give her the credit she deserves. Writers and musicians be careful. You need to protect your work.

🗝 Siblings are a threat from their reputation or admiration. I mean, she is jealous about them for x or h reasons.

🗝 Her social circle can be wishy-washy. She does have inner circle, but she's the only one who knows.

🗝 🔞 she enjoys dirty talk, sexting, quickies, and probably very loud or likes a loud partner. However, don't send nudes. People would expose.

🗝 I was writing and writing, so I believe writing ✍️🏼 could work for you as a way to release stress and intrusive thoughts, bb. Also, you use social media a lot.

🗝 Social media, be aware of what you post.

Credit to @deepmochi

Take care, bbs 💓

#lilith #lilith in the 3rd house #lilith in gemini #astrology #astrologynotes #deepmochi #zodiac #astrology community #gemini #lilith series #astrologia #lilith astrology

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asteroidzzzn · 9 months

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stargirl | part 4

pairing: leadsinger!ellie x bassist!reader

warnings: cursing, smoking, drinking, eventual sexual themes, ellies still closed off, reader is ridiculously delulu for a while, kinda angst im so sorry

songs in this chapter: do i wanna know - arctic monkeys

word count: 2.1k

a/n: i put my whole asterussy into this. also changed the pairing thing bc reader made a bit of a career change

summary: now that you're officially a the fireflies bassist, you're going on tour, where trouble will be looking for you.

it all arrived sooner than you thought it would. sooner than you were prepared for. you were told you were given twenty five to thirty minutes to get up on stage, sing some songs, and leave. you had good songs prepared, and you would practice all night in the hotel room before you performed.

seemed simple enough, right?

it was only a stadium nearly sold out by ten thousand people, maybe even more. and worst of all, you would have to sing. you had wished there was a contract you signed after joining the band, saying there was no way in hell you would sing in front of an audience, let alone a song you wrote.

but your mouth failed you when ellie asked you to be the one to sing the duet with her. yes was the only answer you could manage. for some reason, you felt a bit more at ease when you noticed the flash of a smile on her face your words caused.

you were getting used to ellie. you knew nothing about her past, but to be fair, she knew nothing about yours. it was surface level for the most part, except for...

you couldn't stop thinking about the journal. her songs. the trust she must have had in you. the lyrics. it made your head spin when you lingered on the memory. her masked grins, the blush hidden under her freckled cheeks, the way she sounded when she laughed gently, and how you had thought about bottling it up and selfishly keeping it just to yourself.

the way you had learned so much in that one night, yet so little. there were embarrassing instances where you would upset ellie by doing something so ordinary, such as complimenting her tattoo, and asking who did it. dina would pull you aside, muttering that "it's not about you, she's just having a bad day."

she never brought up the night when you shared your songs with each other. by the next morning, it was back to the tolerating sort of distance that was safe enough and never changing.

she treated you like a coworker.

༊*·˚

you were in the car, headphones in your ears playing a calming melody while you were half asleep. jesse rested with one hand on the wheel as dina curled up in the passenger seat, trying to get some sleep as well. ellie tapped a rhythm on her thighs and whistled a soft tune.

you yawned quietly and shifted around, pulling your blanket higher up to your neck. you made sure to keep distance between you and ellie. back in june, you found out the hard way that ellie didn't quite appreciate physical touch as much as the average person.

she mumbled something you didn't understand with your headphones in. apparently, the blanket had shifted off her lap when you tugged it towards yourself on the other side of the car.

her hand ghosted over your neck, leading up to your ear, sending harsh chills down your spine. your gaze shot to hers when she pulled one of the buds out of your year, and leaned closer to your face to whisper.

"don't steal the blanket, it's freezing."

you scoffed and paused your music. "is that really what you woke me up to say?"

"well, yeah. do you want me to die of hypothermia?"

"you'll live. and i'm not stealing it, because it's mine," you said, turning your head away to face the car door.

"oh, that's my bad. i thought it was your little sisters or something. cause, y'know," she said under her breath, but you caught it.

"i'll have you know, people of any age can own a disney blanket."

"whatever you say, princess."

your eyes widened against the blanket. you attempted to level your voice.

"saying shit like that will have you dying of hypothermia," you teased back over your shoulder.

"wait, no, actually. i'm really cold," she huffed out air in amusement, and promptly shivered.

you let out a heavy sigh. "okay, fine," you adjusted to sit in the middle seat, avoiding looking at her entirely as your thighs pressed together, but she didn't seem phased.

your head fell back against the headrest. you watched the stars fly by through the sunroof until sleep found you once more.

about an hour later, the car hit a bump. immediately after, jesse hissed, throwing a hushed, "sorry, guys!" towards the backseat.

your heads flew forward. you winced at the harsh awakening and glanced to your right. ellie had twisted to have her torso leaning on yours, as her head rested on your shoulder.

your breath hitched. she woke up quickly and pressed her hands on the seat to sit up, distancing herself from you.

you opened your mouth. an apology, maybe? your mouth closed. your gaze remained on ellie's. her expression was unreadable, but you could tell she was exhausted.

her voice was smaller than you had ever heard it when she finally spoke up.

"...just...for..."

you barely registered her breaths as words. her touch was light. she settled back into the position with her head on your shoulder.

you didn't dare say a word.

༊*·˚

you checked into the hotel at four in the morning, the next day. you were barely conscious of what you were doing, where you were going. dina handled the logistics, as she was the only one who had gotten enough sleep to be functioning at the early hour.

you trudged into the room. it was beautiful and spacious. two large beds were lined up on the left wall, a sliding glass door that led to a balcony with chairs and plants, a coffee table, a television, two closets, and a bathroom, with a shower and a bathtub.

while hauling your belongings onto the first bed you saw, dina explained that she and jesse would leave the door between the neighboring rooms unlocked in case you or ellie needed anything.

if it weren't four in the morning, you would have come up with a quick excuse to switch rooms. to not be stuck with ellie for a week straight, sleeping just a few feet apart.

unfortunatly for you, you nodded and let her slip away. the door clicked shut.

sheets rustling behind you and crickets chirping were the only two noises to be heard. you saw ellie had slung her suitcase on the bed and begun unpacking her clothing to fold them into her bedside drawer.

if it weren't four in the morning, you would have made a quip at her, something along the lines of, "you don't look like someone that folds their clothes so neatly."

there were a lot of things you would have done differently if it weren't four in the morning.

you stole a glance at her, that lasted a moment too long. she caught your eyes, and stared back. you said nothing. a silent agreement, that the events of this night, as well, would be left to be forgotten. never mentioned again. a secret. your secret.

it was a sudden, uncharacteristically timid habit you and ellie found yourselves doing.

glimpses hidden. the pointless acts of kindness, because one of you happened to remember a small detail. just by chance. nervous hands stilled by another pair. and there was nothing more. it meant nothing, you would tell yourself. there were just two hands searching for warmth, finding each other under tables, out of view.

there weren't jokes between the two of you. teases that could be interpreted in a way that meant things were real.

maybe this was just an act of convenience. maybe she did this with anderson, too. maybe you weren't all that special, or all that different.

but you couldn't deny the way she made you feel. so special, and so noticed.

on friday night, the four of you were huddled on the floor.

"you good, man?" jesse nudged you with his bottle, and took a swig. he passed it back to you.

you nodded with your eyes screwed shut due to the taste of the alcohol. you swallowed.

"i'm nervous. i haven't sung in so long, and i've never been in front of an audience this big. i'm terrified, actually," you said, your head beginning to buzz. your hand raised for you to take a large sip, but ellie caught your arm.

"hey, easy up on that. can't be hungover on stage."

"don't act like you care that much," you said, a pent-up hint of rage in your voice. you were angry at her. you were angry at her for being able to be so kind sometimes, yet so distant and strange, and everything else without a single explanation. but you needed to stop. before the alcohol urged you to say things that were meant to be unsaid. ellie's tongue poked her cheek as her eyebrows furrowed.

she ignored your comment. "we should practice the bridge of do i wanna know."

"i just need to get some sleep," you mumbled, pushing against the floor to stand up, but she dragged you right back down by your shirt. her tone became stern.

"we're practising. i won't let you get up there and embarrass me tomorrow. you said you were ready for this, so act like it," she emphasized her words with points directly at your chest.

"fine," you spat, digging into the pile of sheets scattered around for the song. ellie plugged in her guitar, and flipped a few switches.

"what are you doing?"

"i said we're practicing, so i'm making sure the guitar actually makes noise. for the song. songs kind of need music, if you didn't know. fuck else would i be doing, smartass? you always this insufferable when you're drunk?"

"i'm not drunk." you had to bite back a meaner response. in your peripheral, dina and jesse shared confused looks.

dina patted jesse's leg. "hey, we're pretty tired, and i think we've done enough preparing for tonight. see you guys in the morning," she gestured for jesse to stand up as well, who said a quick goodbye.

and shut the door.

"ready?" ellie glanced at you through her eyebrows.

you nodded, and she tapped her guitar, muttering five, six, seven, eight.

she was nearly whispering the lyrics. you inaudibly cleared your throat, and began to sing. you echoed along in a breathy, light tone when the song called for it, although most of the song flowed as a conversation between you and ellie.

it ended as quickly as it started, with one final strum, followed by silence. ellie set the guitar on the floor, and set her hands in the now empty space in her lap. her mouth opened hesitantly.

"that wasn't bad—"

"i'm heading to bed—"

the two of you spoke simultaneously. you stood up in a rush. you stared at her for a moment, then turned into the bathroom. you cleaned up and changed into your pyjamas.

you stared at the ceiling. your eyes found ellie, who was settling into bed herself. her body was turned away from you.

"...i'm sorry," you whispered.

ellie's head turned over her shoulder.

"why?"

"for being a bitch."

she snickered at that, and shifted so you both lay on your sides, facing each other from opposite sides of the room. she remained quiet, which urged you to go on.

"i'm terrified, ellie. i shouldn't have taken my fear out on you. you're right. i did say i was ready for this. but it's still...difficult. i don't want to disappoint you guys," you whispered as low as possible, with a sliver of a tremble in your voice.

her gaze softened. a minute passed. your ears rang from the silence. since you didn't have anything more to tell her, and she seemed to have no response, you flipped to face the dark wall, and shut your eyes. a tear slipped through your eyelashes. you made no attempt to rub it from your cheek. or the rest of the tears that began dropping, for that matter.

"goodnight," you said.

the opposite bed creaked. the wood under your own creaked. you felt her body beside you. she wouldn't touch you, she only laid there. maybe she waited for you to say it was okay. you moved to rest on your back, with your face near hers.

your eyes fell on each feature on her face. studying her. searching for something.

"goodnight," she whispered, inching dangerously closer to you.

you held your breath. you felt her own on your nose.

"tell me to leave, and i will."

"no," you shook your head weakly.

you grabbed her hand and flipped to face away from her. you placed her arm around your waist, and settled into her hold. her face nestled into your neck.

you took a deep breath, and fell asleep.

in the morning, you woke up not beside ellie, but an imprint on the mattress.

a/n: bleeeeh :p xD ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆ i promise this does have a happy ending it will get there eventually i just needed some angst 🙏

taglist: @ximtiredx @gold-dustwomxn @elliesinterlude

also ill just tag some people that have commented on any of the earlier parts, so comment if u guys wanna be on the permanent taglist! :3

tags: @cassharass @lunarpretty @emluvselandabs @inf3ct3dd

#ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams angst #ellie williams fluff #tlou game #the last of us #tlou 2 #wlw #band au #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams fanfic #rockstar!ellie

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psychwxrdd · 2 months

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Hiii! Can you please do one where you are at a party and Rafe is your boyfriend, and you accidentally kiss/ fall asleep on another guy, and when you and Rafe get home he hurts the reader so bad that her face is full of blood or something like that? You can make it as dark as possible!!!!!

i loved your request baby! so i decided to mix all of these at once, lmk if you liked it or want a part two!!

gone girl

summary: you're so much happier now that you're dead.

everyone can start again, not through love, but through revenge.

warnings: domestic violence, dark rafe, she is just like amy dunne!!!! i love writing about unhinged girls soooo much yall have no idea

Sarah got the journal in hands, staring at John B in fear of what they might find. It was Y/n journal. Their missing friend's journal.

I was hiding inside the closet, desperatedly trying to stop crying. My whole body was shaking, i knew that Rafe was above mad at me. The guy of my dreams, the love of my life. I knew he was about to hurt me real bad.

"Y/n!" he shouted, making me close my eyes and pray to a god i didn't even believed in. I covered my mouth, trying to stay quiet, but it was impossible.

He punched the door of the room several times, and all i could think of doing was whisper to myself that it was all going to be fine, that maybe heaven did exist and i would finally see all my loved ones again. Thats when he shouted again.

"I'LL BREAK YOUR NECK, YOU HEAR ME? I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

I softly placed my hands on my face, covered in blood. The blood was coming from my forehead, making a mess, my clothes were full of it. All started when i drank a bit too much and started acting like a normal person. Talking, smiling to people, making new friends. Rafe hated it.

Rafe wanted me all to himself. He didn't wanted me to interact with the outside world, it was already hard enough to convince him to let me go with him to this party... He hated seeing me happy if it wasn't for him. Maybe not happy at all, anywhere.

He would freak out for the smallest reasons. I even considered his actions reasonable at the first ones, but now, he really just wanted any excuse to hurt me. He saw me as his personal punch bag. His pretty doll to brag, have sex with and take his anger out. Nothing more. It wasn't like i even existed to him.

I knew i had to do something, but i couldn't. I swear it takes the strench of a god to set boundaries and respect yourself when you're someone like me and you're in love with someone like Rafe. So i just let him. And look at what this has lead me to.

Sarah had her eyes full of tears, John B hugged her. She knew it from the beggining, her brother murdered her friend. They all knew it.

It all started when i showed up at Midsummer's party. Being the new shy and sweet girl makes people create their own versions of you, the versions they want to. You're nothing but a blank paper for them to draw. You're whatever they want you to be, especially when they're rich fuckers.

It's so easy to trick people into believing your new lies of a life. You just need some stupid girl to be your friend; I got Sarah. She liked me so much for "who i was." People will love you when you don't stand for yourself, they love it when you're quiet and just let them vent and talk about themselvs for hours. It wasn't hard for Sarah to trust me and allow me in her life.

Then you have to act like you're a dumb whore, for guys like Rafe to fall in love with you. They just love a bitch with no brain, someone they can feel like they have the full control of. Pretend you're so sweet they can't help but crave you as their trophy.

Rafe had his eyes on me since i walked into that stupid party. Full of shallow, sad people hiding behind those ugly dresses and suits. All women like me, pretending for their husbands, who were also putting on a masculine performance. For who?

"You know i'll take care of you for the rest of my life, right?" He asked me, between groans, still inside me "You're mine, nothing will change that"

And i smiled, as the sweet and submissive girl i was to him. Nodding my head. I wasn't bothered by anything he did because i had his money. I was getting something out of this. I was being paid to act, he just didn't knew it.

Then he started acting phisically abusive. Well, that wasn't part of my deal. And he was no longer giving me money, as he started a theory about how i wanted to keep this money to runaway and start a family with some pogue, JJ of course. He was some creative piece of shit, but i had my good laughing.

He started being obsessive about this JJ topic after i pushed him away in a fight, after Maybank was mentioned. He couldn't believe his sweet girl would disrespect him like this. She always behaved, always let him hit her to teach her some manners, why was JJ suddenly a trigger?

I knew exactly how insecure Rafe was. How he used violence to hide how small and stupid he felt inside. And i knew how much jealousy could drive him insane.

He stared at me with wide eyes.

"Yo- you just... You fucking mad cause i'm talking about JJ? Is this what it is?"

"No Rafe, it is not. You're acting crazy"

"Don't fucking tell me i'm crazy!" He pointed his finger at my face.

"I didn't said you are crazy, i said you're acting crazy"

He slapped me. Hard.

"Fix that tone to talk to me"

I stared at him for seconds before i let tears fall from my eyes. Slowly coming closer and doing the best puppy eyes i could ever. "I'm so sorry daddy, you know i love and respect you more than anything. I just want you to trust me. It hurts me that you would ever think i want anyone else when everything about me belongs to you"

His eyes softned at that, and he sighed. He felt weak. His hands went through his face and hair, anxiously.

"My princess...I'm so sorry." he hugged you. "You make me crazy, fuck. I just love you so much it turns into this. It's sick."

And i faked it so real, i was beyond fake.

"It's okay" i reassured, caressing his back. "I love this part of you, too"

His eyes were tearing up, he smiled.

"Say it again."

"I love this part of you too"

And there he was. The scared boy who just needed love. The pathetic little boy who never had attention or love from neither of his parents. The fuck boy who saw girls as mere objects to warm his dick for a while. The tough guy who punched everyone that slightly bothered him. The elitist son of a bitch. I got him.

"I wanted to make a surprise for you tonight" I smiled, cupping his face with my hands. Staring at him like i loved him unconditionally. "Can you come home after 9?"

He kissed me.

"Course, baby"

I'm so much happier now that i'm dead. Now that Rafe killed me.

I got everything i needed, his money. Not all of his money, just what i really needed. Half of it. I dye my hair a different color, a new haircut. Some different clothes i usually didn't wear, and here am i. In my way to the other side of the country. Leaving my journal and blood at his house. Making sure not only everyone would have sure that he murdered me, but my ghost would haunt him forever. He would never be able to know what happened, and how he killed me in the literal way. I didn't cared if he would rot in jail or not, he would die of insanity at some point. I can say that i killed for him. Who else can say that?

#rafe cameron #outer banks #x reader #rafe x reader #rafe obx #rafe outer banks #rafe x y/n #rafe x you #rafe cameron x reader #drew starkey #drew starkey x reader

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lavenderwaterfall · 1 month

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A Modern Festival For Psyche - Festival of Butterflies

This is very inspired by the festival for Psyche that @starry-polytheism created for April. Though it's almost opposite, different sides of the same coin, if you will. Since their festival is more based around the transition from fall to winter as they're in the southern hemisphere. As I'm in the northern hemisphere I wanted to make this more focused on the transition from winter to spring.

Psyche is not necessarily a goddess of spring but a lot of her symbolism is very spring-related. Especially her biggest and most known symbol, butterflies. So having a festival and time to celebrate in spring felt fitting. To me, she is a goddess of transformation and hope and that's what I want the focus of this festival to be. Transformation of yourself and the transformation and hope for the upcoming spring. I will also be bringing Eros into this festival as they are married and closely intertwined for me and my worship. I like to honor him as much as I can.

Ideally, this would take place on the spring equinox but because I've been struggling a bit and just now writing this I will not personally be celebrating on that day. Most likely this upcoming weekend since that's when I have the time.

This will be a two-day festival. Day one is focused on the transformation aspect. Preparing to bring in the new and to celebrate. The focus is on cleaning your space and doing self-care acts in the name and honor of Lady Psyche. Everyone has different levels of spoons so this can be as much or as little as you want. I'm confident she will enjoy and appreciate any of it!

Ideas for day one of the festival

Clean your space spiritually by lighting incense.

Clean your home (as much or as little as you can or want. Even just cleaning your room or altar space or even one section of any room is perfect.)

Listen to a playlist you've made for Psyche while cleaning

Bake to enjoy for day two of the festival.

Journal things you're grateful for in your current season and/or things you're looking forward to in spring.

Journal about how you've grown and changed through the last few months and how Psyche or Eros have helped you with that.

Gather things to donate to those in need.

Perform self-care acts for and in Lady's Psyche name (taking an intentional shower/bath, brushing your teeth with intention, etc.)

Day two focuses on the hope and joy the new season can bring. It's all about celebrating and doing things that bring you joy to honor Psyche. As Eros is the god of passion and love I feel like he can be especially involved in this day.

Ideas for day two of the festival

If the weather permits enjoy nature coming back to life around you. Go for a walk in nature or simply sit outside on your porch/yard.

Bring Psyche in while you spend time on a favorite hobby (coloring, art, reading, knitting, etc.)

Have a dancing and singing session.

Offer a yummy baked good or candy you think Psyche and Eros would enjoy.

Prepare and enjoy a good meal for the two.

Rest in any way you need or see fit.

Literally, anything that makes you happy and brings you joy.

I have never attempted to make a festival so I'm not sure if any of this makes much sense but I'll take any chance to celebrate my beautiful deities any extra amount. If you think something would be better or you have anything to add to what I've written, please feel free to share!

Feel free to do as much or as little of what's in this post, or adapt it any way that would better fit your practice. If you don't have two days for a festival split the day in two or split whatever time you have to celebrate to focus on the two aspects of the festival. As I mentioned before, Psyche and Eros will enjoy any thought put into this, no matter how small it feels.

#lavender rambles #lavender worships #lavender upg #psyche deity #psyche #deity worship #hellenic polytheism #psyche worship #psyche goddess #eros and psyche #helpol #hellenic paganism #hellenism

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mecachrome · 3 months

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for an incredibly new f1 follower, what would you recommend for getting up to date with teams and racers and performances and history? apart from dts lol

oh that is a good question!!! i don't think i'm even the best person to answer this but honestly i think it all comes naturally if you pick a specific thing/team/person you're interested in and set out to learn more about that topic, because everything is so connected and with time you can fill in those knowledge gaps pretty quickly :') more under the cut:

dts is imo perfectly acceptable for learning names and faces for the first time and basically creating a vague outline of a given subject (i've said it's like using duolingo for learning a new language lol), so if you watch it and are like oh—i'm interested in charles or mercedes or learning more about technical regulations or whatever, then you can just dive deeper into that via wiki / youtube / podcasts + published media + old race archives and build up from there!

otherwise i think the main thing is just to start watching the actual races when the season gets underway, and in order to properly appreciate them then also read up on + watch videos about the technical/strategy side of the sport as well. back in the day i used to really like chain bear and i still always recommend it to anyone who asks! after that i would just seek out like... a community/server/place where other people are discussing news real-time; this could be meeting people on tumblr and twitter, but personally i'm subscribed to r/formula1 because it's the most active composite source of f1 news and Discourse. if you're reddit-averse i also just keep a big list on twitter with a bunch of random data accounts, official driver/team accounts, journalists, etc. that helps me keep up with the season in a tidy fashion—though honestly f1 journalism is so unserious that you don't really need to do that because most journos regurgitate the same three quotes in slightly different formats, so if you want to follow One Guy who won't disseminate bs info i'd recommend chris medland. or just general sport publications like autosport, motosport.com, the athletic if you're already subscribed to it (pretty lacking for f1 though since it's american lol), etc... some sites like the-race are very contentious though so i'd say just tread with caution!!! on the data side i personally enjoy fdatanalysis and f1telemetrydata (i've also used f1-tempo to do my own telemetry analysis but idk if that's useful). but again i'd highly recommend the subreddit since it keeps everything i just mentioned in one place anyway 😭

other media recs:

f1tv, if it's available in your area, has pretty much everything you need to follow f1 in its entirety. i hate to shill for paid media but i genuinely think it's good; you can watch every f1, f2, f3 session real-time, as well as go to the archives and revisit old races for each series from most seasons. it also has technical shows and a whole host of minidocs with bite-sized info that are probably less sensationalized than dts. if you don't have f1tv though then a lot of decent content is cross-posted to the f1 youtube so honestly the official channels are all pretty good for keeping up with the sport.

podcasts: if you're an auditory person then podcasts are a great way to deepdive into f1 history. personally i believe that 80% of men running f1 podcasts should be legally barred from ever having an opinion on motorsport, so i don't listen to that many, but i do enjoy the official f1 podcast beyond the grid (i listen to it on spotify but you can also find full transcripts on the f1 site) since, you know, they get official personnel on and i appreciate the wide range of personalities interviewed—from drivers to tps to various types of engineers. i've also heard good things about shift+f1, the race, and engine braking, but i haven't checked them out so i'd recommend just looking podcasts up yourself and seeing what vibes with you! though some podcasts are just like... I'll eat this because you're interviewing my guy but i would never watch/listen to you otherwise. (cough pit stop...)

books & autobiographies: again if you want to dive more into old f1, then you can always read a book!! i read jenson's autobiography life to the limit earlier and was very endeared, it's a super breezy but charming read ❤️ adrian newey's memoir is also a decent overview of a clearly brilliant and accomplished mind, i enjoyed the technical details and found his early career path especially interesting.

docus, movies, tv: there's also plenty of f1 media outside of f1tv, so you can always check those out; f1 movies aren't necessarily that accurate or frankly good but sometimes it's fun just for the Vibes and the love of the sport. for ex rush (2013) covers james hunt & niki lauda's rivalry, netflix has a schumacher (2021) doc, the brawn gp miniseries ft. jense came out last november, just things like that... some current individual drivers also have their own random miniseries so you can always seek those out, for ex i watched maxv's anatomy of a champion the other day just for the fun of it LOL.

i don't know whether any of this is helpful... but maybe other people can reply with their own recommendations!!!

also if you're interested in f2, f3, etc. then honestly just follow feeder series on whatever platform since they cover everything pretty well; feeder_series on twitter, r/f1feederseries, plus they do interview podcasts on youtube/spotify so i like watching those to keep up with young drivers. you can also watch chasing the dream for succinct f2 narratives; it used to only be on f1tv but it gets uploaded on youtube now so it's fairly accessible. lmk if you have any other questions or something specific you'd like more info about!!!

#ask

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thevirginwitch · 11 months

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Kitchen Witchery - Speedy Success Coffee Spell

I crafted this spell in preparation for the full strawberry moon on Saturday (06/03/2023) - be sure to give it a try for some speedy success during this moon phase! Be sure to join us over at The Edge of the Forest Discord server (18+) for a group journaling/meditation event on Saturday, June 3rd at 7:00pm CST.

Enjoy my content and want to show your support? Check out my Patreon! For as little as $2/month, you can gain access to exclusive content, early access to my content, access to my online digital library, access to my research notes, access to an exclusive channel in my Discord server, along with free tarot readings, voting power, and custom spells!

As this upcoming full moon is in Sagittarius, whose ruling planet is Jupiter (the planet of prosperity and good fortune), it's a great time to perform a 'speedy success' spell for any endeavors you hope to accomplish in your life. This spell is meant to make room for any specifics you may want to focus on (for example, if you want success in attracting a new lover, you may add herbs that are associated with love when performing the spell). So, be sure to think about whatever you want to accomplish during this time period and tweak this spell accordingly for the best results!

Here's what you'll need:

a mug

water (moon water is best, but regular water is fine too!) - make sure it's drink-safe!

coffee, for 'speeding up' the spell

vanilla, for overall success

cinnamon, for overall success

a way of making coffee - coffee pot, french press, etc.

pencil, paper, or something else to journal with (optional)

Since this is a coffee spell, you can exchange any of the ingredients for things like "vanilla-flavored coffee creamer", "cinnamon sprinkles", etc. While this is a spell, it's supposed to be tasty, too! Bonus points if you can incorporate any of the other ingredients listed under the cut.

Directions:

Brew the coffee however you'd like!

Add the vanilla, cinnamon, and other preferred ingredients. While adding these items to your drink, envision yourself already experiencing success - imagine yourself at your new job, or going on a successful date, or finally accomplishing a big project you've been working on.

When your drink is ready to be consumed, you may sit and enjoy your drink, focusing on your intent of success. Feel the drink warm your body, and imagine the success running through you like water. As the coffee fills you with energy, allow yourself to feel more motivated and enthused to work towards your goals and achieve success.

(optional - this journaling portion of the spell is completely optional; I personally find that journaling my intentions can be incredibly helpful for my focus and help the spell be that much more powerful!) Take out your journaling supplies and write down your goals – what do you want to be successful in? What steps will you take (both mundane and magical) to achieve these goals? How will your success positively impact your life? On other page, write as if you’ve already been successful; as if you’ve already achieved these goals: “I’m flowing with abundance”, “I adore my new partner”, “I’m loving my new job”, etc. Take sips of your drink as you journal and allow the energy to flow through you.

Once you are finished with your drink, take a small step towards your goal – whether it’s signing up for a dating app, filling out a job application, or making a to-do list. Allow the successful energy of the coffee to carry you through these tasks and move you towards success. Remember, even though you are working through magical means, it’s just as important to follow through on the mundane, too.

If you're not a big coffee fan, you can also use the ingredients/correspondences list(s) below the cut to create something like a flavored tea (chai tea would be a fantastic contender for this spell) or another beverage, such as a fruity lemonade! Alternatively, if you're caffeine-sensitive, decaf will work just as well. You can also craft a sigil or bless a coaster with the intent of 'speedy success' to use when drinking any beverage! Play around with it - kitchen witchery is very forgiving (and always delicious!)

Correspondences were taken from @breelandwalker‘s Grovedaughter Witchery book! I highly recommend this book as a quick-reference guide for crafting spells.

Other General Success Ingredients:

apple

basil

clover

cloves

ginger

honeysuckle

pecan (I'll be using Texas Pecan coffee grounds for this spell for an extra boost of success!)

strawberry

walnut

Success with Love Ingredients:

Brazil nut

Buttercup

Cardamom

Chamomile

Cherry

Chestnut

Cloves

Fig

Ginger

Ginseng

Hibiscus

Lavender

Lemon

Lime

Maple, maple syrup

Orange blossom

Peach

Pear

Peppermint

Poppy seed

Pumpkin seed

Raspberry

Rose

Rosemary

Spearmint

Strawberry

Sugar, sugar cane

Tamarind

Vanilla

Success with Career Ingredients:

Pecan

Thyme

Pumpkin seed

Strawberry

Success with Health & Healing ingredients:

Cinnamon

Cucumber

Mint

Raspberry

#spell #spell work #kitchen witchery #kitchen witch #magic #witchcraft #spells

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femmefatalevibe · 11 months

Note

Hi!! How are you?

I was wondering if you have some good advice on how to be disciplined and consistent. :)

Ty in advance <3

Hi love! Thank you for asking. Doing well I suppose <3

Sharing my tips and a few extra guides below that could help you with consistent self-discipline:

HOW TO CULTIVATE SELF-DISCIPLINE:

Know Your Why: Always Keep The End In Mind

Keep Small Promises To Yourself. Make Them Non-Negotiable.

Create And Consistently Log Your Progress

Take Temptations Out Of Sight

Find Indulgences To Help You Focus On Your Goals

Know Your Why: Always Keep The End In Mind

Decisiveness drives discipline. You need to clarify and define your goals. State them clearly with their authentic purpose in mind. If you seduce this end goal into your life, what desire are you truly fulfilling? Ex. If you want to lose 10 pounds: Is it to feel healthier? Look better in a bikini? Fit into a certain pair of jeans? No matter how superficial, identify the genuine reason why you want to achieve a certain goal. Whatever reason elicits a visceral and emotional reaction. Sometimes, especially during a busy work day, your reason could be as simple as wanting to lessen your anxiety and ease into a more relaxed state. Any purpose that resonates. Once you have an emotional response tied to a goal, it becomes infinitely easier to motivate yourself to take small steps towards achieving it. Where energy goes, energy flow. Simon Sinek goes more in-depth with this concept in Start With Why.

Keep Small Promises To Yourself. Make Them Non-Negotiable.

Think of performing self-discipline rituals as confidence-building exercises. This action helps you trust yourself, establishes a sense of integrity, and builds self-confidence. For example, if you stick to your meal and workout plan for 5 days a week, you build trust in knowing you're more powerful than your cravings and are capable of taking good care of your body. If you complete a project on schedule (personal or professional), you prove to yourself that you’re efficient, build confidence in your ability to finish tasks you start, and self-affirm that you follow through on your ideas. Finishing that book this month reflects confirms that you value yourself enough to expand your mind, learn, and expand your knowledge base. Eventually, through enough consistent repetition, these rituals into unconscious habits that you do effortlessly in daily life.

Create And Consistently Log Your Progress

You can’t manage what you don’t measure – your finances, calorie and step counts, workouts, productivity, etc. Tracking data related to your habits – such as your spending habits, eating or workout patterns, writing word count, and task completion – on a given day or week – allows you to understand and analyze your current behavior. What habit cues, environmental or other situational factors are keeping you from sticking to the current task at hand? Do you leave your running shoes stuffed in the back of the closet? Junk food in the house? Work from bed or with your phone by your side? Are you avoiding certain emotions? Does this data change when you’re stressed or tired?

Awareness is the first step towards redirected action. Analyze these data points to see your pitfalls and strategize how to help yourself.

Take Temptations Out Of Sight

Set yourself up to win. Get the phone away from your workspace, remove any junk food or soda from the house, delete apps, or silence notifications from people who distract you from your goals. Self-discipline becomes significantly easier when you have to take additional steps to indulge in your vices. Replace these temptations with helpful cues to help you build healthier habits that lead to self-discipline. Give yourself visual cues to move you toward your goals. Keep a journal with a pen next to your bed. Leave your workout clothes and shoes out near your bed. Write a quick to-do list right before finishing work for the following day, so it’s easier to jump into the first task right away the next morning. Cut up some produce or do a 30-60 minute meal prep once a week to eat more healthful meals. Find ways to make it easier to stay on track than give in to temptation.

Find Indulgences To Help You Focus On Your Goals

Self-discipline shouldn’t feel like deprivation – of certain foods, pastimes, or activities you enjoy. Buy cute workout clothes you feel confident in. Create the most dance-worthy playlist. Make it a priority to buy your favorite fruits and vegetables every week. Rotate a selection of your favorite healthy meals. Leave your sunscreen out – front and center – on your bathroom counter. Find a big, beautiful water bottle to keep on your desk. Purchase aesthetic notebooks, pens, planners, journals, and other office organization items. To make self-discipline feel like second nature, you need to marry indulgences and your desire to meet your goals. Discover the habits that work for you and find small ways to make these tasks more enjoyable.

Go easy on yourself. Build one habit at a time. Self-discipline is like a muscle. It requires time to build and grows in increments. Try to stay on track and more focused than yesterday. Your only competition is your former self. Find pleasure in the process. Focus on the immediate task in front of you while also keeping your future self in mind.

Additional Guides on Goal Setting, Consistent Motivation, and Productivity:

How To Achieve Goals & Find Pleasure In The Process

How To Gain Motivation & Get Out of A Rut

Productivity Tips To Help You Master Your Day Like A Queen

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tortured-gaylor · 5 days

Text

from the journal of ava: but daddy i love him notes

according to swifties, this is a little mermaid reference: she gave up her voice to be with the man she loved

idk i haven't seen the little mermaid since i was 5, i'll take their word for it

i just learned these people only raise you to cage you

links back to who's afraid of little old me?: "you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me"

growing up famous, she was never able/allowed to just be or do what she wanted. this is also made clear in the miss americana documentary. seems like scott especially tried to keep her quiet and caged

she has used cage imagery often throughout her career in music videos and visuals (look what you made me do music video, the shadows in the visuals during the midnights set at the eras tour, the speak now ornament, the glass cage in the willow music video,...)

the spotify library installation also had a cage, but the birds were free on another shelf

sarahs and hannahs in their sunday best, clutching their pearls sighing "what a mess" i just learned these people try and save you cause they hate you

this seems to allude to religious people being homophobic. they try and "fix" you by praying for you

she's the odd one out, doesn't fit in with the norm (the sarahs and hannahs)

they slammed the door on my whole world, the one thing i wanted

again with the controlling

is the muse the whole world? is it simply freedom? or is it something else entirely?

now i'm running with my dress unbuttoned, screamin' "but daddy i love him"

like the love story music video

song themes are similar to love story as well with the disapproving father

i'm having his baby... no i'm not but you should see your faces

GAGGED

you should have indeed seen my face

dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid

idk what to tell you

it's queer

her parent (likely her dad) planned her whole life out for her and she fulfilled this "destiny", even if that life doesn't suit her

tendrils tucked into a woven braid

links back to seven: "your braids like a pattern"

the saboteurs protested too much

homophobes

lord knows the words we never heard, just screeching tires and true love

links back to getaway car

this could mean words of acceptance, likely from the church(goers) again

i'll tell you somethin' 'bout my good name it's mine alone to disgrace

she's done being sheltered and ready to make her own decisions, decide who she is all by herself

god save the most judgmental creeps who say they want what's best for me sanctimoniously performing soliloquies i'll never see, thinking it can change the beat of my heart when he touches me and counteract the chemistry and undo the destiny you ain't gotta pray for me me and my wild boy and all this wild joy if all you want is gray for me, then it's just white noise and it's just my choice

this is her saying people have no business being all up in her relationships. they seem to think they have the moral upper hand and get to decide what's best for her, even if they don't know her or her partner at all

she pulls an uno reverse on them by asking god to save them, just like they did for her

this could mean she's gonna love who she loves, despite what the world wants/expects from her

this calls back to the people "saving" her cause they hate her (so homophobes again)

this is a reach but did they try to strip her of her pride colours and she finally decided to ignore these very loud voices?

scandal does funny things to pride but brings lovers closer

✨ shared trauma ✨

for real though, scandal could be her being outed by whatever tabloid

forced her deeper in the closet, but closer to the (also closeted?) muse

we came back when the heat died down

the scandal forced them to keep a low profile for a bit but they came back (stronger than a '90s trend?)

went to my parents and they came around

reminds me of That™ miss americana scene

also reminds me of how the dad in love story eventually came around

time, doesn't it give some perspective?

there's something in this line but i'm not sure what

#but daddy i love him #the tortured poets department #ttpd #taylor swift #gaylor #lgbetty #friends of dorothea #gaylor theory

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lacunasbalustrade · 5 months

Text

notes whilst writing this insufferable idol lyric docs fic

mon. 4. dec.

voracious jewellery collector tries to rob cute jewellery shop owner of their rings and force them to bend the knee: villainous ohohoho (jk lol)

thus the K-pop 白痴 (knows zero about K-pop) attempts to write a fic about lyric docs- what can I say I love nothing better than a challenge (borderline masochistic suspicions)

line break because this is going to be long u have been warned. this is gonna be a journal for me ignoring the fact that tumblr itself is a journal

someone is going to know my suffering at stumbling headfirst into this world of idols. likely Kyoya. but i may change my mind

where the hell are those screenshots where mio and i discussed this. if you can’t tell already I’m one of those ridiculous ppl who needs the whole guidebook of encyclopaedic references to write.

went back the entire six months worth of conversations and finally found it, cringing at my every message like my dear God intended

I’m keeping all the lyric doc tabs open so I can read whilst i write

okay not Kyoya he’s into this too much

Rouga you’re my everything you’re my soul you’re just as dead as i am about this ‘what if we just go with disaster’

don’t get me wrong I’m enjoying this I’m just the kind of person to complain about everything and bitch all the way through only to appear with a shiny smile at the end of it

that is to say i like the steep learning curve but i also like to keep myself aware of how much I’m doing so i get to laugh at myself when i say ‘no problems’ later on

what do you call that character type

nvm back to writing

we’re starting this with a voiceover because i say so. draft here “future card buddyfight is a game that connects to parallel universes and allows monsters and humans to become buddies. in the wake of global events that have shattered his reputation, Gaen Kyoya decides to restart his cult by starting an (apparently) harmless idol management agency. By traveling to other worlds on a universal tour, will his newly formed idol groups be able to compete with the local talent? Will Gaen Kyoya be able to regain his reputation as a heartthrob? Most importantly, will the press-ganged idols ever get to play Buddyfight again? an earth-shattering screech is heard from the Gaen Tower. “Daddy always told me I’d be a star!”

Gaen Kyoya gives Shido Magoroku a strained smile. He’s in it to win it whatever the game. It’s too late to back out now, although he absolutely regrets - regrets, not deserves this.

rouga is doing the voiceover. this is disaster, the world tour movie. we’re gonna keep that secret till the end of the fic. (publishes this draft instantly and fails to keep any secret) whatever movies are announced anyway and it’s more fun to hype this up.

tasuku is not in an idol group as far as i have surmised from a quick scan- over. so he’s just going to show up to every performance and laugh at them. bro finally got to catch a break (and a good laugh)

wait ILL MAKE IT SEEM LIKE ITS ENDED AND THEN FLASHBACK TO ACE IDOL GROUPS AND BE LIKE - YOU THOUGHT, SUCKER, ITS NOT OVER YET!!!!

ah. I’m publishing this draft later. Should i just delete number 15 for my reputation?

nahhhhh.

if you couldn’t tell already I’m writing this as i go so this thought process is in chronological order

i already know I’m never going to read this again this guidebook to the movie director’s thought process comes at the cost of my dignity

who am i kidding i have no such thing called dignity (meow)

this is my reference draft so I’m going to drop the cropped screenshots here for ease of rememberance

note: is polery a thing??? anyways

oh my gosh. mio u really changed two names because i liked certain options better. i love you.

I’ve become softer because now I find the options for band names I like are different (reverie, paradoxus, wishing star and hikari to tomo ni) which really makes me want to break down.

I am in a better place, a quieter place, and it shows. (charting my own growth like a parent checking their child’s height against markings on the wall)

22. there are basically two bands from first season can i really stretch the whole fic out and really make it seem like it ended with just that

23. who am I kidding I’ll be lucky if i can even stretch the fic out my highest amount of words so far is 3000 I haven’t even finished my long fic for Tasuku yet (hellooooo, my dearest procrastination)

24. in conclusion let’s just run with it. i wanna have it out in time for mio’s bday i have like a month and a day.

25. Tasuku is in the idol list. my memory be like sand flowing away with the tide

26. anyways

27. how’s that’s supposed to work

28. like i believe i could spout some nonsense about Kyoya. bribing everyone. because what good are riches except for yknow bribing people to become idols.

29. what ifff he saved a record of disaster’s ridiculous meetings and said with a straight face and smile as usual - “we’ll all sink on this ship, my friends”

30. basically blackmail. hmmm

31. i will find out when i start writing! (conclusion)

32. at first i was going to read fics to find out more about the idol industry but all the fics are au fics so that’s a bust

33. instead i am waving to chat gpt so if there’s any inaccuracy go blame Elon Musk like we do for everything under the sun

34. did Elon Musk even make chat gpt

35. I don’t care anymore that’s not relevant

work in progress for obvious reasons. will update this stupid post.

the relevant tags: note to self

also a line to your friend that kinda hit me when I was browsing by the posts to find those relevant tags:

“it’s now kinda buried under 200+ songs in my playlist, but when it plays, I never skip it.”

(italics at my own risk)

#mio’s lyric docs #for future reference #future card buddyfight #fcbf band au #fcbf #chaotic planning energy (cracks knuckles)

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zalrb · 9 months

Text

the summer i turned pretty ... review ... lord give me strength

I am already crying in frustration just looking at the recap, guys, this acting is BAD.

This is going to be a mean review. Like me and initiumseries watching Shadowhunters sober mean. You've been warned.

"Belly, I think about you. I do. You know I do." CAN YOU HAVE SOME EMOTION IN YOUR VOICE PLEASE?

"How am I supposed to jump into things with Jeremiah when a piece of my heart still beats for his brother." WHO. SPEAKS THIS WAY. WHO? Even in your most angsty, teenage-y, write bad poetry phase who SAYS that? YOU WRITE THAT IN YOUR JOURNAL OR YOUR BAD POETRY.

Y'all, this is JUST me reacting to the recap. I don't know if I can survive this.

Do I hate something more than Bridgerton? Is that possible?

I was about to be like is a voiceover necessary for this show but considering how horrible the acting is, they need the voiceover to communicate the emotions to the audience because the actors sure as hell aren't.

"Escaping to your dreams is easier than living with your memories" we don't need voiceover for everything though. Oh my god, I hate this show.

OK here is the thing with Conrad and Belly? is that it? She's trying way too hard to perform that giddy can't stop smiling, twirly feeling that it just looks like fidgeting because they don't ACTUALLY vibe

He looks like he's reaching for an emotion and she looks like Robert Pattinson on the set of Twilight, she's not even going to try, she's checked out

This is why I didn't want to do this review because I was like, it seems like anons love this show and I really, really, really won't. And of course there's nothing wrong with loving this show and loving this ship or whatever else ship there is, like do your thing absolutely, but like faaaaaaaam, this is BAD for me.

"You're it for me, Belly" jesus christ you're like 12.

"I don't want to hurt Jere" "Me neither!" Really? Because you seem PERFECTLY okay with doing so. HAHAHA is this going to be another edwina thing?

Y'all can't even SNEAK properly, like have any of them acted before this?

Like she keeps doing little head movements to show how giddy and swirly she's feeling

and I get it because that's what you do when you feel that way but if there was actual chemistry here, it would be natural

like even when they're "caught"

Dawson and Joey did that better (and I'm using them specifically because lou sent me an article I did not read that said this show was the best teen show since Dawson's Creek and I had to laugh)

like this is the this-is-really-funny-but-we're-nervous twirly behaviour and they vibe.

Like I should be getting this kind of energy

Are there any young dark-skinned boys on this show? What's going on?

I can't deal with the combination overacting and underacting.

It's summer, why is the guidance counsellor JUST having this conversation with her?

LMAO I don't know the circumstances because I didn't watch season 1 but for real Belly looks shitty here.

BUT I SHOULD BE GETTING DAWSON AND JOEY ANGST HERE, MAN. Like, it's clearly supposed to be that kind of scene because they say the same type of things that Dawson and Joey say to each other when he finds out about Pacey but Dawson and Joey are MESSY, it's DRAMA

I can't deal with the contained, neat, manufactured, non-emoting yet somehow over-acting yet somehow monotonous, sluggishly paced gen z teen dramas. I CAN'T DO IT.

I'm just wondering if that anon is reading this ... how is Conrad the best actor exactly?

Like no one is, but why him? "No matter what happens, we'll still be infinite" in the FLATTEST voice with the FLATTEST expression?

it's not Lucas confidence

or Stefan sincerity

or Seth desperation

or Chuck conviction

it's just this

hard. pass.

y'all it's been 15 minutes.

her brother's valedictorian speech is neither funny nor clever, I don't know if I can make it through an entire episode, this show makes me violent.

I'm skipping this speech.

Now I'm suddenly thinking of Rory's valedictorian speech, I don't remember it but I feel like rather than it being a speech to uplift her fellow graduates it was just about her and her life in Stars Hollow.

They're supposed to be SO CLOSE that they call each other family and EVERYONE IS SO AWKWARD and STIFF.

At the very least one of them should be painting the other's toenails or she should be stroking Belly's hair or SOMETHING to show that they're like family.

I'm tired of hearing extra being used because no one uses it properly but ANYWAY, moving on.

like I can't be expected to take this seriously

that's just like going THERE. THERE.

like I believe the excitement in her face more than I have believed ANYTHING ELSE that has happened so far but I mean ...

Like are you two siblings? Like what's going ON here, man.

He did not deserve to go viral.

Are the parents divorced or are they just devoid of looking like they know each other like everyone else on this show?

The mother's views on not promoting her book don't make sense, then she shouldn't have published it. Also how long ago did Susannah die? Like a year ago? Because it takes, at minimum, two years to traditionally publish a book, you have to write it, you have to do at the very least three rounds of edits with the editor then at least a couple of rounds with the copy editor then it needs to be formatted, then there's the cover, then there's sending ARCs to other authors for blurbs, then if there's an audiobook there' auditions for actors, like there's a whole process but anyway.

OK can we drop the whole "I don't snore" banter -- and I use that word so loosely -- is there nothing else to banter about?

They are so boring to listen to.

I don't know how it is in the States but if you're taking trig in the 11th grade/junior year then you chose to take trig so you would be good at trig.

"You know every time I think of him I still get this, like, pain in my chest" she said, dully.

Milo looks like wannabe Dylan O'Brien being wannabe Machine Gun Kelly

So. Boring. To listen to. It also doesn't help that Belly sucks at telling a story. Why do I care about the guy Katie was seeing? You barely seem to care ma'am.

YOU'RE MY SOBER DRIVER. Do cabs not exist here?

This blow up with her brother should be LOUD and PAINFUL, there should be SCREAMING and BASS in their voices

like i know they can't all be JAW but SOMETHING my GOD

BITCH WERE YOU?

For the way they're talking, she should be Buffy about Angel

she should be Willow about Oz

she should be Caroline about Tyler

those phone conversations should be kdrama shit

like this is ALL SO BLAND and I just want Belly to shut up, she's insufferable, man.

are you sure?

Oh thank god it's over.

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virgo-dream · 1 year

Text

Safety Net: A Bolt in the Blue Story

teen and up / dreamling / rock band au / mutual pining / 3,1k words

summary: Endless is in the middle of its first headline tour, and Dream has been doing his best to hold his own in the ever changing routine of touring. After one particularly intense concert, Dream finds himself extremely overwhelmed, and relies on the help of his trusted bass tech, Hob Gadling, to ground himself again. In the process, he finds that a few feelings have become impossible to ignore. this fic is set in the universe of @valeriianz's amazing rock band au, so if you haven't read that, this miiiight not make a lot of sense. I hope you like this Kris!! big thanks to literal love of my life @littledreamling for the superb beta work. this would be illegible without him. read here or on ao3

Endless were 6 shows into their first tour. Something that felt like a far off hope had become reality for the passion project Dream and Death had started in the garage of their father's home. They'd been signed onto a record label, released an album, and now had a proper fanbase to keep things moving. Their music was no longer a monologue echoed in their own rehearsals, but a continuous conversation with listeners, who felt seen by the lyrics, touched by the melodies and enthralled by the harmonies. They had, for all intents and purposes, made it.

Dream had taken surprisingly well to touring life. The constant change of scenery was becoming less disorienting with every new city they visited, and travel was becoming a pattern he was slowly adapting to. He'd settled into his own personal rhythm, creating a routine to guide himself by for the duration of the tour. As long as he was able to find an anchor, Dream knew he could perform to the best of his ability. Performing a 90 minute set was akin to running a marathon, and Dream was as disciplined as any athlete would be. And so, his new routine became a ritual, a multiple step plan to successfully get through every moment before and after going on stage, then repeating it all for the next concert.

He'd broken down his pre-show routine in ten steps: Endless would arrive at their stop maybe one or two days before a show. Dream would get settled into his hotel room and have some time to decompress properly. They'd go around town, maybe eat at a local restaurant. The day of the concert, Dream would arrive at the venue and get acquainted with the layout of the backstage area. He'd then do soundcheck, making sure to know what to expect during the show. Once he'd done everything in his usual ritual, he'd retreat back to the greenroom, finding somewhere comfortable to sit. He'd then review the setlist, taking notes in his journal, and finally, with his noise cancelling headphones on, Dream would listen to their songs on loop, grounding himself as much as possible before going on stage. The moment he got on stage, everything else was nonexistent.

Still, no matter how diligent Dream was in doing his part, the further they got into the tour, the more unpredictable things were becoming. When they went out to go sightseeing or simply grab a meal, fans would stop them for videos and photos. They'd given interviews to local news a couple of times now, and the amount of invites to events happening in town before or right after their shows was becoming more and more difficult for Dream to avoid. While Desire and Delirium were more than happy to go to whatever after-party they'd gotten invited to, and Death was terrific at interviews and dealing with the public, Dream was steadily growing in popularity with their fans. People had questions for him, wanted his autograph, to see him at the after parties. It was getting harder and harder to turn down every single invite, and even though his mysterious persona was what had drawn people to him in the first place, now, as any up and coming artist was bound to experience, people felt entitled to his privacy. It wasn't enough to be mysterious: he was now required to perform mystery rather than live it. Needless to say, Dream did not take well to that.

One by one, all of Dream's fixed points became unpredictable, his anxiety rising every time they arrived somewhere new. All of them but one: Hob Gadling.

The longer the tour went on, the more grateful Dream was to have Hob around. He seemed to be able to read Dream's minuscule shifts in expression better than even Death could. Hob was hired as Dream's bass tech, but at that point he was performing multiple functions; He'd fetch Dream whatever he needed to self-regulate. Hob knew where Dream kept his journal, and what pens to bring him to take notes with. He knew that Dream needed his headphones close by if he got too overwhelmed, and was constantly bringing him snacks to make sure Dream wasn't working on an empty stomach. Sometimes, Hob would even act as his bodyguard. When fans started swarming them when they were about to leave the venues they'd just played, Hob wouldn't let anyone touch him or put cameras in Dream's face.

Hob was slowly becoming the one person that brought Dream comfort, and the realisation sometimes felt too overwhelming to face. It was good having someone look out for him, and the more demands Dream had, the more did Hob pick up the things that Dream couldn't focus on anymore. It had become second nature for Dream to look at Hob right before the concerts started, or to hold onto Hob's arm as he stepped off stage, oftentimes shaking and slightly dizzy from the rush of adrenaline. Dream knew that if he reached out, Hob would know exactly what to bring him, even if it was just the reassurance that he was close by.

They didn't talk about it. Dream didn't know how to bring it up, the tightening in his chest whenever he looked around and didn't immediately spot Hob's gentle brown eyes, the comfort of feeling the strong muscles of his arm when Hob helped him off stage. The first thing Dream would think of when feeling nervous was how Hob wrapped his scarf around his neck outside the New Inn, even though Hob clearly felt much colder than Dream did. How Hob would listen to him for hours on end as he explained music theory to him. How he'd heard Hob try a few shy cords on his bass during lunch breaks, and Dream surprised himself by feeling an enormous sense of pride and fondness, instead of being angry at Hob for even touching his bass outside of what was required.

They would not talk about it. It was easier to not mention it. Easier to just let things flow, to let them improvise the next few bars of this easy duet between the two of them. They'd fallen into a comfortable synchronicity, one that brought Dream comfort unlike anything he'd ever experienced before. He did not want to ruin that.

–––––––

Endless was halfway into the last song of their set. The crowd had been particularly warm towards them, with Desire being able to banter with fans and get big reactions, and singing along to all of their songs. It was a bit of a surreal feeling for Dream, hearing people sing his own words back at him, sing with him, because now he too sang in their shows. The feeling was infectious, as if Dream had become all powerful during the 90 minutes of their performance. The lights were bright and the people were loud, but he was in control of it all: he and Despair dictated the pace of the entire show, bass and drums guiding the heartbeats of band members and audience alike. On stage, Dream was in control.

The spell only broke when the song ended. As the sound of the audience cheering became louder than the instruments on stage and they took their last bow, the atmosphere shifted dramatically, like the volatile pressure on a plane getting ready to land. Dream's rational mind began to make its way back to him, the roaring applause nearly a shock to his ears. It felt like time was dilating around him, stretching the last second into eternity. Actually leaving the stage happened on autopilot. One moment, he was watching the crowd chant their names; the next, he was nearly tumbling down the stairs to exit the stage.

"Careful–" Hob's voice was the only sound Dream could identify in the large sonorous mass that dampened his hearing. Everything else was hard to pick apart, but Hob's voice was very present, as were the strong muscles on his arm as he bracketed Dream's fall, helping him lean against Hob's side. Dream could feel as Hob let his arm wrap around his back, and as his feet found balance again, all he could do was look at Hob.

"Dream, you here with me?"

Dream blinked a few times, and while he could tell Death and Desire were around too, he couldn't particularly focus on what they were saying. Dream focused on Hob's voice, now directed at them, somehow cutting through the noise while remaining calm. "We just need to get him out of here– I'm going to take him straight to the van, we'll wait for the rest of you there. Leta, can you grab the duffel bag under the vanity in the greenroom? Dessi, a couple of water bottles would be fantastic, hand it all over to Mazikeen. She'll know what to do."

Desire was a little freaked out by the whole situation, and seemed to break out of their usual persona into a more vulnerable one, brows furrowing in worry as they looked at Dream for a moment. "Yes sir!" was all they managed to say, while Death grabbed them by the arm so they could do as Hob had instructed.

Dream raised his hands to his ears, trying to muffle the increasing loudness of their surroundings. Hob was quick to notice his discomfort, readjusting his arm around Dream's back. The only thing that made sense was Hob, and the entire world seemed to be crashing around him. "...loud."

It was met with Hob's usual kind and calm eyes, and a feeling of absolute trust and safety seemed to wash over Dream, like he could give up control now. Hob had him. "–hey, we're getting out of here. I'm gonna get you out of here, okay? Leta is getting your headphones." He raised his free hand to cover Dream's ear, helping him to rest his head on Hob's shoulder as they walked.

Hob was careful as he guided Dream through the backstage area of the venue. As they walked past corridors lit with neon lights and filled with smoke from both the fog machines used on stage and a few cigarettes now resting on ashtrays, he made sure to cover Dream's eyes when needed, quickly walking past anyone who so much as thought of stopping them. Dream was thankful for Hob's care: he could see how gentle Hob was whenever he deliberately had to touch Dream, or how relentless he was as they walked through a large group of fans waiting outside the backdoor, heading directly into the van the venue had provided to transport the band back to the hotel.

When they finally made it into the van, Mazikeen was right behind them with the duffel bag and the water bottles. Hob helped Dream sit down on the last row of seats at the back of the van, closing the door behind them. They would only have to wait for the other band members to arrive, and then they'd head to the hotel. For now, it was good that they were alone.

Dream's body fell limp as Hob sat him down. He was still out of it, trying to find his way back. Hob was quick to grab the noise cancelling headphones from the bag, placing them over Dream's ears carefully. The relief Dream felt from the silence was nearly as overwhelming as the noise had been. All emotions felt awfully big now. Still, this was just one small part of everything that he needed to get grounded. Thankfully for him, Hob was quicker than he was, unscrewing the lid on the plastic bottle and taking it to Dream's lips, holding it there for him until Dream was ready to hold the bottle on his own. He nearly downed the entire bottle in one go, taking in a big gulp of air as he finished drinking, then letting all the air out in one long, relieved sigh.

"Hey. Good to have you back." Hob's muffled voice commanded Dream's attention, who now looked at him as if Hob had hung the moon and personally selected the placement of every star in the night sky. "How are you feeling?"

Dream took a moment to consider. Words still felt a little difficult, but he knew he had to try, not to rush his recovery, but to not give in to the lethargy threatening to take over his very exhausted mind. "...better. Um. It was. A lot."

"I know, I've never seen a crowd like that. You held your own really well." How Hob always knew the right things to say was beyond Dream's understanding. Maybe it was because he didn't, really. But he cared to try, and that was already all Dream could possibly ask for. "If I were in your shoes I don't think I would have made it past the intro."

Hob's words made Dream let out a chuckle, unable to hide the tiny smile forming in his lips. Somehow, the silences between them were comfortable. It was safe to let loose, even if just a little. "I must admit I was taken aback. When they sang along to "The Fates". It was… the words evade me."

"Yeah, that was really something. But I gotta admit, I was a little jealous."

Something shot to the centre of Dream's heart, making it skip a beat as his chest tightened. He tilted his head to the side slightly, and his breath catched for a moment. "...whatever for?"

Hob looked away for a moment, lifting a hand to tug at his earlobe. He did that often when they talked, and Dream found it incredibly endearing. "Well, that's my favourite song off the album. Now a bunch of other people are gonna claim it's their favourite too. I feel like one of those grumpy hipsters saying "I knew about it first."

"Your regard for it means more to me than theirs."

Dream was caught by surprise at his own words, but not as much as Hob seemed to be. When he smiled, it was so big and bright that his eyes crinkled at the corners. It felt like looking directly into the sun. "I bet you say that to all the bass techs."

Hob's words gave Dream the urge to explain himself. It was a known fact that he didn't have a nice working relationship with his last tech. Then, it dawned on him that Hob’s words must have been a joke, and he was relieved to understand it quickly enough that he didn't go on a tangent explaining why that didn't make any sense. He decided to try a joke of his own in return. "...only the ones I'm unable to make quit the job."

When Hob laughed, it made him want to write music to the melody of it. To break down every note his voice travelled through, to play it over and over again. To know how to tell jokes that will always make him laugh. It made Dream's chest tighten again, and it must’ve shown in his face, because Hob immediately looked at him with worried eyes again. "Everything okay there?"

It took Dream a while to be able to come up with an answer. He was lost in Hob's expression for a moment, in how quickly it switched from joy to worry, all because Dream didn't seem well. "Ah, yes. I'm just. Tired." It was all he could think to say, blinking a couple of times, as if basic bodily functions had become too tiresome to perform.

"It's a bit of a long drive back to the hotel. Plenty of time to take a good nap." Hob smiled again, now a more reserved, small smile. It was beautiful all the same. He stood from his seat, and Dream was overcome by a feeling of profound loss. "I'm gonna let you lay down here–"

"Stay here." Dream's body acted faster than his mind could prevent, and he grabbed him by the arm. His heart felt like it was beating in his throat. Hob blinked, surprised, and sat next to Dream again. "...someone else might sit here. I wouldn't want to have to. Talk. If they did."

"Oh, got it. Don't worry."

Hob didn’t even question him. Didn’t make him explain, nor judged him for his needs. Of course he didn’t want someone else to sit next to him. That was okay. As Hob settled next to him, Dream rested his head on Hob's shoulder, closing his eyes. Once again, Hob didn’t question him. Allowed him to take whatever he wanted or needed. In the silence provided by Hob's care, Dream let the exhaustion take over, and fell asleep almost instantly.

–––––––

When Dream woke up again, he was laying down in his hotel room bed. He blinked his eyes open a few times, taking a moment to take in his surroundings. He didn’t remember getting there, but he could tell he’d changed into his pyjamas. Dream panicked for a moment, sitting up to look at the clock on the bedside table. 5:27am. Then, he noticed a note on the first page of the small hotel notepad.

You seemed really tired so I didn't wake you. Don't worry, Leta changed your clothes. I only brought you up to bed. I hope you're feeling better. If you need anything, send a raven. I feel like you would know how to. ;-) - Hob (your favourite bass tech)

Dream looked at the note in awe. How could there be so much poetry contained in so little words? How could Hob be so kind? How was that even possible? He set the notepad back on the table, and took a moment to process everything that was going through his head. It was a lot. Definitely a lot more than he'd ever dealt with before. The urge to reach for his journal to write about it was immense, but the wave of sleepiness that hit him was even more so, and he was forced to lay back down again.

He let his hand slide under his pillow, and was relieved to find the scarf was still hidden under there. The scarf Hob had given him that night before Christmas at the New Inn. He pulled the scarf from under the pillow, bringing it up to his face to take in the scent of it. He could still smell Hob in it, even if just faintly. Dream closed his eyes, and imagined he was still sitting on the van with his head resting on Hob's shoulder.

He fell asleep nearly instantly.

#dreamling #dreamling fic #hob x morpheus #hob x dream #rock band au #valeriianz #bolt in the blue #the sandman #the sandman fic #dream of the endless #morpheus #hob gadling #ao3 fanfic #ao3 author

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