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#but to be honest even that i keep fucking up
kkami-writes · 2 days
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waiting for us — chapter fifty one. the wedding cw. smut!, semi-public sex (bathroom), piv, protected sex (shout out to condoms) wc. 1,965 + 4 ss a/n: THIS IS UNEDITED. I FINALLY FUCKING FINISHED THIS MY GOD. I'm so sorry this took forever...that's my bad <3 hopefully the motivation keeps rolling and i'll finally finish this fic.
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The ceremony had been perfect, something right out of the pages of a fairy tale. The venue had been small since they had kept it to close family and friends but it still had been breathtaking. Minghao had made you his best “man” and there was no place you’d rather be than next to your best friend on the most important day of his life. (and if you cried while they were reciting their vows, you’d never tell. Though Minghao had taken plenty of pictures of you ugly crying to store in his blackmail folder.)
It was probably inappropriate to daydream during a wedding, but Jeongin couldn’t help himself. You were standing up there, looking absolutely breathtaking, it was hardly his fault that his mind had wondered what you would look like, dressed in all white at their own wedding.
If he was honest, he never expected to get married. Well, he supposed that’s wrong. While he does in fact plan on getting married eventually to all his soulmates, before you had come into the picture that had agreed that a ceremony between eight people would be a little hectic. He didn’t need some grand ceremony to show his love but for now, he could dream of seeing you in a wedding dress for now.
The reception is just as gorgeous as the actual wedding, with lavish decorations and a crystal chandelier.
Currently you were being dragged from table to table, both Minghao and Jun introducing you to people like you were their child. (though Minghao would argue that him and Jun were indeed your dads).
From across the room you can feel a pair of eyes on you, practically burning a hole into your flesh from his heated gaze. Jeongin was sat at your assigned table, a drink forgotten in front of him while he stared you down. His gaze is enough to set you aflame, cheeks reddened from how intense his eyes felt against you, not so subtly running along your body. The boy was practically eye fucking you from across the room, not a shameful bone in his body. It was quite distracting as you tried to introduce yourself to Jun’s grandmother.
The two of you make eye contact and it’s impossible to look away, his deep chocolate eyes captivating you. Jeongin’s tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip, your eyes following the movement and the cheeky fucker smirks, knowing he’s caught you in his web. With a subtle nod towards the bathrooms, he gets up, suddenly paying you no mind before striding in the direction he directed you to. It leaves you a little mystified, blinking and frozen in place. You clear your throat, turning to Jun with a small smile.
“Excuse me Junnie,” You mumble before escaping the male’s grasp, but he lets you go easily enough, too caught up in a different conversation.
As you make your way towards the bathrooms there’s a sense of heat that starts to fill your lower belly, a wave on anticipation for whatever Jeongin has up his sleeve. It fills you with excitement, hands practically shaking as you open the door.
The bathrooms are one of those fancy single ones, lights dim and fancy expensive soap. You don’t have time to admire the decore as Jeongin pins you back against the door, the tell tale click of the door being locked. He doesn’t hesitate to press his lips to yours, practically devouring you. It’s all teeth and tongue, groaning into your mouth desperately. The sound goes straight to your pussy.
Jeongin presses against you, already hard in his slacks, hips rutting up against you.
“Fuck. Do you even know how good you look?” His voice is raspy and deep, sounding already so gone. You can’t help but giggle, rather enjoying the effect you have on the boy.
“Mm, I have no idea,” You singsong. “Maybe you should tell me,” Your words illicit another groan from the boy before he’s picking you up and carrying you over to the counter and setting you down there. Perhaps the way he had lifted you up like it was nothing turned you on further, it would seem your baby bread has been accompaning his hyungs to the gym more often.
Jeongin runs his hands up until they’re splayed across your thighs, easy access thanks to the slit in your dress. His lips are on yours again, this time much softer, taking his time to savor your taste. Meanwhile his hands grope and squish at the soft flesh of your thighs, fingers running up until they hook under the waistband of your panties, pulling them down to your ankles.
You let out a gasp as his long fingers make contact with your wet core and Jeongin takes the opportunity to slide his tongue into your awaiting mouth. You’re completely at his mercy, deft fingers circling your clit and his tongue stealing your breath away.
“So wet,” His voice is deep, slightly gruff as he nips at your now swollen tiers. “Eager are we?” The cocky tone makes you want to roll your eyes at him, but they’re rolling to the back of your head anyway as he easily slides a digit into your core, a whine falling from your lips. “Look so good like this for me,”
You can vaguely hear the sound of the music that’s blasting in the venue, the walls of the bathroom muting it but even then, the sound of your slick echoes lewdly in your ear and it heats your body up.
Jeongin is so content like this, watching you fall apart on the counter, soft moans filtering from your lips as he’s lazily thrusts his fingers into you. As much as he would love to take his time with you, his cock is starting to ache, still trapped in the confines of his slacks.
“Can I fuck you baby?” He asks against your ear, pressing soft kisses to your earlobe and trailing them down your neck. You nod your head, probably a little too eagerly but there’s pretty much nothing on your mind besides Jeongin’s cock splitting you in half. But then you remember something important and it makes you whine.
“Innie…you don’t have a condom do you?”
The question makes him freeze and if he wasn’t literally two fingers deep in your cunt you would have laughed at his bewildered facial expression. But then suddenly he’s pulling out of you, a whimper leaving your lips at the loss of his fingers filling you up. Jeongin is frantically patting at his slacks, as if searching for something, leaving you slightly baffled at the sight. Finally he pulls his wallet out and from it, produces a singular condom.
“Seungminnie hyung said I should keep one in my wallet just in case…never really thought anything about it. I’m gonna kiss that man later,” His words make you snort, shaking your head at how silly he is. But if you were honest, you’d probably kiss Seungmin later for the same reason.
The two of you don’t waste anymore time, remembering you are in a public space, at your best friends wedding for goodness sake. In your defense, your brain is no longer working, especially when Jeongin is bending you over the (very nice) counter, moving the skirt of your dress aside and slipping your panties down your legs.
You arch your back just slightly, legs spreading to give the boy a peak at your glistening folds and Jeongin swears he could probably cum in his pants. He’s quick to slide the condom over his almost painful erection, coming close to press his chest to your back, trailing kisses along your shoulder. He ruts his cock against your soaked core before positioning in front of your entrance. With how aroused you are, it’s an easily glide in, just a slight stretch that feels all too good.
Jeongin lets out a borderline pornographic moan when he bottoms out, your wet warm heat squeezing his cock feels heavenly and he already knows he’s not gonna last very long. He shudders against your body as he holds you tightly, large hands splayed across your torso.
“Fuck- You feel so fucking good,” He groans, needing just a second to calm himself down before he blows his load already. You can barely register his words, not faring any better. The sensation of being so full, of having your soulmates cock buried inside your heat is a feeling you don’t think you’ll ever get used to.
The two of you simply relish in the moment for a second and while maybe Jeongin might have jumped the gun on your first time together, he promises that the next time he’ll take his time to savor you. For now he just wants to feel you coming apart on his cock.
He moves his hips rather expertly, rocking into you with strong thrusts and you feel yourself further melting into the cool counter, the drag of Jeongin’s cock against your gummy walls feels too fucking good. Any and all thoughts are leaving your head, the only thing you care about is the heady pleasure that builds steadily in the pit of your stomach.
Jeongin is pressed flush against your back, sucking marks into your skin and whispering sweet dirty words into your ear and you feel yourself getting closer and closer to your peak.
“Such a good girl, hm? Taking my cock so well. You feel so good baby…I’m not gonna last long,” He nips at the back of your ear and you nod your head in agreement.
“Innie! I-Innie…” You’re mumbling his name over and over like a chant, your walls clenching around his length sporatically. “I’m so close…gonna, gonna cum,” You gasp out, the rubber band threatening to snap each time the tip of his cock hits that spot deep inside of you. He brings a finger to your clit, rubbing the swollen button in circles.
“Go ahead baby, cum all over my cock,” He says with a grunt, thrusts somehow getting even harsher and the sound of skin slapping reverberates against the walls.
It doesn’t take much longer before you’re gushing around his cock, coming with a whimper. Jeongin does his best to fuck you through your orgasm but with the way your walls clench around him has him spilling into the condom not too far after you. Both of you need a moment to catch your breath, slowly coming down from the euphoria of such an act. Jeongin seems to collect himself before you, not even noticing him pulling out. You only finally come out of your haze when you feel something damp against your skin.
Jeongin is cleaning you up, even if he didn’t cum inside, you can still feel your own release against your thighs. Slowly, he also helps you pull your panties back up before picking you up to settle you on the counter. He fusses over you, smoothing your hair down and fixing your dress and your heart flutters in your chest at how attentive the younger boy is after having just dicked you down. You giggle before wrapping your arms around him, pulling him into a sweet kiss, one that he happily melts into.
When you two pull away, he’s giving you that bright fox-like smile, dimples practically blinding you as he helps you off the counter.
“C’mon baby. Let’s go dance and hope that your friends didn’t notice your disappearance,” You snort.
“Even if they didn’t, I think the hickies speak for themselves,” Jeongin has the gall to blush, his tongue running along his teeth.
“Sorry, not sorry,”
“You are such a brat,”
“Guilty!”
You roll your eyes, spanking him before moving towards the door.
“Let’s go dance baby bread,”
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@hyunestrella @blackrowses @chlodavids  @reallysparklychaos @sunnibearr
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tojisun · 2 days
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Thoughts on baby trapping 🙈
(fictional) baby trapping has me running around the block yelling !!
placebo pills instead of birth control and morning-after; how price changed them when you asked him to pick up your prescription from the pharmacy. he also helps you keep track of your cycle and safe days, but sometimes he drives you to the peak of your desperation that you fold and let him fuck you raw. he kisses your shoulder and promises to pull out, that he won't slip up, and he keeps it. of course he keeps his promises. but the next round, you're more distracted. more sensitive. more needy. so he fucks you good, he fucks you deeply, and muffles his groans on your skin when he cums in you. he says he's sorry, says that he'll pull out the next round he swears, but he doesn't. god, he's sorry he just can't help it. you jus' feel so good 'round him—
he gives you a morning-after, still so apologetic even when you laugh and tell him it's fine. that you get it. that he really shouldn't blame himself because you like it raw too. price smiles, so honest, and kisses you after you swallowed down the pill.
or how simon deliberately makes tears on the condom with his nails, and hides it from you by fisting himself or fucking you on your knees, your head pressed to the mattress, blind to his intentions. he says it might have ripped when he was fucking you hard—remember? i fucked you so deep you said you can feel me 'ere in y'r stomach?—and says he'll be more careful next time. that maybe he needs to pump you with more lube so it won't rip. he pulls a new one from the pack and asks if you can go one more round. you give him a shy nod, arching back into position and watching as he slips the condom on his cock. you last a few thrusts before simon's slapping the fat of your ass, pulling out just to adjust positions, before he's plugging you again with the thick girth of his length. you don't even know he's tugged the condom off him and had plunged his cock in your cunt, raw.
sorry my godd this is just some messy rambling bc im honestly kinda super sleep deprived but this made me yell and i had Thoughts™ about this for a while now and!!! yea :D sorry about the mess
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miratastic · 3 days
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Feyd spanking-
yes. oh my god yes. went a little bit overboard with this one, hope u enjoy !
feyd has rules. rules that he expects you to follow. he needs you to listen, to be obedient and good. he likes it when you’re soft, and floaty and treat him like he’s the only thing you need (which let’s be honest, he is). he likes having control over you. likes to tell you what you can wear, who you can talk to, what you can and can’t do around geidi prime. if you obey him, he treats you. spoils you with gifts exported from other planets, takes you to his favourite childhood hideouts, lets you cum as many times as you want. if you’re really good he uses his mouth on you and makes you cum so hard you black out.
feyd doesn’t give second chances. the second you start acting up, say your outfit is more low cut than usual, or you’re being bratty and saying no to him, he will waste no time. discipline is very important to feyd. he would drag you by the wrist, ignoring your shocked outburst at his sudden aggression, to his private chambers. you think you’re so smart by telling him that he’s overreacting, and that you’re not doing anything wrong. feyd would snarl in response, veins in his forehead ticking. he would be fuming, you’d be able to hear his teeth gritting together as he throws you over his lap. this entire time he hasn’t said an entire word and you’re starting to get worried. you realise that maybe trying to rile him up was a bad idea. “feyd,” you’d say uncertainly, wriggling in his strong hold. “let me go.”
the sharp sound of fabric tearing is his response. he’s ripped a gaping hole in your clothes, giving him full access to your ass and upper thighs.
“here i thought you were good. here i thought i had taught you manners.” his voice is gravelly, fury barely contained as he strokes your skin.
“feyd-feyd m’sorry okay? i won’t do it again, i promise!” he’d reduced you down to a whimpering, pathetic, mess and he hadn’t even started yet. “please let me go.”
feyd laughs at you. it’s menacing and scary and you tremble where you lay. “it’s too late for you. if you were my pretty pet we wouldn’t be here right now. if you were the good pet i know, you’d be cumming on my cock tonight. but you aren’t good are you? no, good pets fucking listen to their owners. you deserve this.”
the first spank against your ass hurts. he wasn’t starting off soft or giving you a chance to get used to it. feyd puts all his power into it, years of warrior training being obvious with how the pain radiates through you. you cry out, tears immediately running down your face. “f-feyd!”
“count.”
you whimper out a quiet ‘one,’ and he hums, “maybe there’s hope for you yet.”
he spanks you again, this time it hits the thin skin just under your left cheek, and you jerk up his lap from the impact. feyd doesn’t offer comfort through his punishment; doesn’t soothe the reddened skin with his large hands. he doesn’t even wait long enough for you to catch up before he’s doing it again.
feyd makes you count all of them. he keeps going until he’s satisfied he’s erased the badness from you. if you lose count or take to long to answer, he starts again from the top. he keeps going until you’re just a sniffling, drooly wreck with a bruised and battered ass.
when he’s done he would pick you up and seat you over his hardened cock, not caring if it hurts you. your head would find itself burrowing into his chest, wet faced and snotty nosed. “m’sorry, m’really really sorry. m’gonna be good for you, m’gonna be a good pet for you, won’t make you mad ‘nymore. won’t be a brat, i’ll listen and be good.”
feyd’s palm would come up and rub your head, and you’d start crying again from how good it felt to finally have comforting touch from him. he’d bring his other arm across your waist, hugging you tight into him, continuing to stroke your hair.
“c’mere sweet thing. you took your punishment well, pretty. did good for me didn’t you? yes, that’s right, did so good for me baby. you’ve learnt your lesson haven’t you? perfect pet, i’ll take care of you now.”
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tomieafterdark · 2 days
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Catboy Eren drabble
cw: afab!reader, dom!eren, 18+ dni if u are a minor
I am gonna be honest, this is so unserious I don't know what possessed me to actually write it and hit poster prob should have stayed in the drafts. Anyways, it is inspired by the same person that inspired this fic because he has a catlike aura.
not proofread also click here for more content
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You always thought Eren had this "grumpy cat" aura to him, and you never stopped reminding him about it. In fact, you had tried to make him say "meow" or use a catboy image as his profile picture several times, but all you were met with was him ignoring it or telling you it will never happen.
Everything he said seemed to go in one ear and out of the other, because one day when hanging out with him you decided it would be a good idea to bring cat ears and try to put them on him.
And you did. Eventually.
As if his death glare had not been enough, you just had to blurt out that he looks like a submissive catboy. 
And that is how you ended up in this lovely situation.
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"E-eren slow down!" You whined.
"Shut the fuck up." he hissed in irritation, pushing your head further down into the pillow. 
Tears rolled down your cheeks as Eren was stretching you open more and more with every thrust, as if the position he had you in wasn’t painful enough he went in with almost no prep. Adjusting to his size was quite the challenge.
He loved watching your hole swallow his cock whole, but what he loved even more was the way you reacted to how deep he went inside of you. He could tell that none of your previous sexual partners had ever touched your cervix with their tip, nor had they stretched you so good that it feels like your first time all over again. 
He kept his eyes locked on you as he fastened his pace. Your whimpering grew louder and clearer even though your face was buried in the pillow, your cries were actual music to his ears. He needed to hear them more clearly. 
He suddenly slips it out, you are too fucked out to notice it at first, still arching. But next thing you know he is sitting next to you on the bed and leaning against the headboard. 
“Get up y/n, I want you on top.” He commands coldly, his intimidating gaze not leaving you for a second.
You get up slowly, feeling a mix of pain and pleasure between your legs. You suddenly notice he forgot to take off the cat ears you had put on him earlier, it is very hard to not giggle but you manage to somehow muster up enough self control to keep quiet. You slowly move over to him, it is impossible to not stare at his face because of the cat ears. He looks so good with them on, and surprisingly not submissive. However the “grumpy cat” energy remains, and he looks even more annoyed now because you are taking way too long getting on top of him. Somehow he comes to the conclusion that you are being nervous because of his size but you are just in awe of how good he looks with cat ears on, you haven’t even glanced at his dick yet. 
“Y/n, if you are scared of the size just say that. I can assist.” He mutters, seeming less annoyed and almost concerned now. 
“Huh?” You look at him in confusion, but the dots soon connect. You are about to protest, but the way he suddenly became all attentive and kind of careful made you feel some type of way and you don't mind this going on for a bit longer. 
He starts fingering you and the sudden intrusion makes you hiss but he quickly shuts you up with a kiss. You manage to take a quick glance at his cock amidst all the kissing and moaning and you feel the knot in your stomach. It is a strange mix of fear, excitement and doom. How would all that fit inside you? 
All the mixed emotions and his skilled fingers bring you closer and closer to climax, he is aware of it by the way you are squeezing around his fingers and moaning louder and louder into the kiss. He stops right before you cum, you feel so close and you are so desperate that without even thinking, you quickly bring your left hand between your legs. 
“Not so fast.” Your wrist is suddenly burning from the iron grip he has on it and the more you pull away the harder he grips. You whine and pout in frustration, not even looking at him directly and still looking for a way to reach your high. You are really starting to lose patience. 
He grabs your lower face, making you look up at him. “If you want to cum, you will do it on my cock. Got it?” His stern voice and cold stare anchor you back to reality, and all you can do is nod. 
He doesn't waste another second, grabbing you by the waist making you straddle him. You instinctively hold on to him, and he does the same to you, just he does it for a completely different reason. You held on to his shoulders because a part of you feels safe around him, while he grabbed your hips out of impatience and to teach you a lesson for putting cat ears on him. 
You try to wriggle yourself out of his tight grip a bit, usually when you are on top like this you are the one controlling the pace and taking on a more dominant role but this is nothing like that. Instead, he slowly lowers you down on it and you gasp hard even though only the tip is in. 
Truth be told, he is resisting the urge to slam you down on it and teach you a very hard lesson, but ever since he noticed you have not had anyone his size before he has been taking his time with you. No, not because he cares, he just thinks your reactions are hilarious. You went from “annoying and cocky asking him to meow for you” to “crying little mess that does not know what to do with herself every time he thrusts” very quickly.  
He watches you intensely, you avoid looking into his eyes, it makes you feel like prey and as if his darkness is about to eat you alive even though he still has the cat ears on. The more he lowers you down on his cock, the more you are starting to believe you will feel it in your guts. He lowers you down very slowly and it gives a whole new meaning to “feeling every inch of him”. 
Your mind is going a bit blank, all you can repeat is “it is so big” and “I feel so full” inside your head. On the outside you are just biting your cheek trying to not burst out in tears like you did earlier. It feels different when your face is not in the pillow, hiding from his cold sharp gaze. This has you feeling new depths of submissiveness and being vulnerable. Though he can kind of notice you are trying your hardest to keep it cool but that is nothing but a challenge to him. This makes him want to break you more. 
You let out a yelp, because he suddenly slams you down on it with no warning and does not stop thrusting even for a second. You are not looking at him directly but you can tell he is smirking at the way you are struggling to keep it together. 
“You were doing a good job trying to keep it together, but you have to try harder to fool me.” He whispers into your ear as one of his hands starts to caress hair. The contrast of his soft demeanor while caressing your hair and his rough thrusts that have your legs almost shaking has your mind going hazy. “I will break you either way, you might as well give in to make this easier for yourself..” he continues in his dark husky voice as his hand leaves your hair now, traveling further down caressing your clit instead. 
It does not take a lot of movement to make you come undone. All that pent up energy from earlier was just waiting to be released, hanging on by a thread. The higher you feel the lower you will come down, and right now you are not just seeing stars you are seeing other galaxies. He grins as he watches you come. Your beautiful eyes are finally letting those tears out, and this time he can look into them since there is no pillow to shove your head in. 
You feel so drained from that one orgasm, you end up just laying down for what feels like several long minutes. This low really matched the high. 
Suddenly he climbs on top of you, his eyes even more dark and playful now. Before you can even react he, flips you on your stomach.
“Wha-” you blurt out. 
“Who said I was done teaching you a lesson? I was going easy on you earlier..” He snickered as he spreads your cheeks apart. 
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hemmingshouse · 3 days
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a long forever / chris sturniolo
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summary: chris tries to make things right with you after he fucked up big time.
warnings: swearing, mentions of prior cheating, angst (but semi happy ending!!)
let me know if yall want a part twoooo x
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
“if you truly don’t give a shit about me and fuck me over in the first place, then why the fuck are you here?” you asked him sternly, sighing deeply before rubbing your eyes - the crying you had done prior had irritated them massively. “please enlighten me christopher, because i have no. fucking. clue.”
the brunette sighed softly, letting his hands roam through his hair. he had messed up so bad this time and he wasn’t sure how to fix it - if that was even possible to begin with.
you and chris had been keeping it on the down low with each other for a while now. you went on silly little dates, got to know his best friends and brothers and loved to spend most of the week at his apartment; lounging around the place and exploring every inch of each other’s bodies for around five months now.
it all went so well. slowly you started to appear more on his tiktoks and the sturniolo channel, making the fans think you two at least spent time together because of the massive tension between the two of you. you met his family, had even stayed in boston for the holiday season and went on a little getaway together for your birthday.
“i care so fucking much about you! i- just- please listen to me,” chris pleaded as he stood in your kitchen, hands running over his face in pure desperation, “i have never felt this way before. about anyone. i swear.”
you scoffed at his words, shaking your head in disbelief, “remember when we said we’d at least be honest if we felt this wouldn’t work out so the friendship we had wouldn’t go to waste?” you motioned between the two of you, “you lied to me. god, you’re the biggest motherfucker i have ever met, christopher. i wasted my time on you. on us. on whatever the fuck we were.”
ouch, full government name - for the second time. he knew you weren’t fucking around.
he deserved all of that. every curse word you spat at him, every raise of your voice. it pained and sickened matt to see you go from adoring him so much till it hurt to now hating every inch of his fiber. to see you hurt because of his actions made him sick to his stomach. he had never meant to kiss the girl back after she tried to force herself onto him, but he knew there was no fair explanation towards you to begin with.
“babe,” he spoke up, voice trembling as you held your hand up to silently stop him from speaking up more. he noticed how your lower lip quivered and how salty tears were pricking your eyes, the fatigue taking over your body after fighting for three and a half hours.
“you kissed her back,” you spoke, a shiver running down your spine. “and i know we were never official to begin with,” you acknowledged, “but you truly made it feel that fucking way.”
it happened when he was in downtown la, where he and his brothers joined sam and colby as they were filming a brand new series about the cecil hotel whilst you were busy finishing your last year of marketing. they got drunk, went out to meet up at one of sam’s friends and one thing lead to another.
his confession back then was enough for you to silence him with a nod, grab the duffel bag he brought on his trip and push him out of your apartment. his pleas came from the other side of the door, hoping you’d let him explain what exactly happened during that night.
you didn’t wanna hear it. you didn’t wanna hear anything about chris and another girl, not when you thought he was done with fucking around when he started dating you. you figured that meeting his family, spending time with his friends and appear on his channel actually meant he wanted to be serious with you too.
“you don’t deserve any of this bullshit i put you through,” chris told you sincerely as he watched you calm down a bit, anger replacing itself with a self conscious mindset. “i’m so fucking sorry y/n, there’s no explanation for any of this. i know you don’t wanna hear it but i wanna show you what you truly mean to me. promise i’ll make it right.”
“you do know your promises currently mean nothing to me after everything, right?” you asked him while pouring yourself a glass of wine, “you could be begging on your bare knees for me and i still wouldn’t believe a single word you say.”
“i know,” chris sighed softly, running his hands across his face. “i wanna be better for you. for us. you deserve so much better- i just want you to know it didn’t mean anything to me, alright? i- you- fuck, i love y-”
“do not finish that sentence,” you warned him before taking a sip of your wine, “i don’t wanna hear it if you’re not sure.”
“who says i’m not sure?” he asked you sincerely, “and what do you want to hear?” chris asked you seriously, arms crossing in front of his chest. “i’ll literally do anything if it proofs i’m only into you. i wouldn’t have let matt drive me here trying to make you forgive me if i didn’t care about you. i fucking miss you,” he breathed out, shaking his head slowly, “i don’t have the words to say how sorry i am i messed it up. how i messed us up. and i’ll do anything to gain your trust, let you know how much you mean to me, okay?”
his words caused your heart to flutter slightly, palms a bit sweaty as you were starting to fall back into old habits. chris had a way with words and the way he sounded so sincere made you think that maybe - after all - he was speaking the truth about the entire fiasco.
you shrugged your shoulders, sighing softly, “i just hope you know you’re a fucking asshole and i hate you,” you cleared your throat, your voice coming out soft and quiet, “but i appreciate the fact you got me flowers and tried to calm me down with some wine.”
chris couldn’t help but grin at your statement as he noticed you turned your body away from him whilst sitting on the high barstool at your kitchen island. it was something you usually did when you two had an argument because you knew if you looked into his beautiful blue eyes - you’d be a goner and would forget what you guys even fought about in the beginning.
“yeah?” he asked you, the smirk clearly tinting his voice as he stepped closer to where you were sitting on the barstool, “look at me, please?”
you let out a sigh once again after taking a large sip of your wine, placing the glass back onto the marble kitchen counter. your eyes darted upwards a little, noticing how close chris had gotten in the meantime. his unruly hair, sleepy eyes and curious gaze had you hooked - you knew you were fucked and putty in his hands once again.
“i’m supposed to be so mad at you,” you mumbled as chris placed his hands onto your clothed thighs, spreading them apart so he was able to stand in between your legs.
“you’re still allowed to be,” he admitted, one hand raising upwards to brush a strand of hair behind your ear, letting his hand cup your jaw afterwards. “as long as you know i’ll forever try to make it up to you. in every single way possible.”
“forever’s a long time y’know,” you spoke softly, playing with the hem of his oversized t-shirt as you gazed into his eyes.
he chuckled, “as long as i can spend it with you, i truly do not mind.”
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zuhamuses · 22 hours
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♡ " A mess "
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Pairing: Jude Jazza x Kate (MC)
CW: lots of cursing + jealous jude!! (Tho it isn't much of a warning, lol.)
Note: My 2nd entry for @judejazza 's event!! I hope everyone likes this Jude fic <3 divider & header by the lovely @natimiles
Jude's eyes followed her figure as soon as she entered the dining room. Her smile lacked its usual cheerfulness, and her eyes looked sad.
That expression of Kate's broke something inside of him. This wasn't the first time she was wearing that look. Of course. She was living in a castle with cursed people, but Jude knew that wasn't why she looked so down.
Jude clicked his tongue in annoyance, but his eyes quickly looked her over... making sure she was doing physically well... that she wasn't harmed. He quickly looked away.
He was pissed. Very fucking pissed if he had to be honest. Whatever they both had going on was messing with both his head and heart. Jude Jazza was smart, but he couldn't find it in himself to put a name to their "relationship."
When she got hurt, he had wanted to kill all of those people right then and there. Her smile brought a strange sense of calm over him. She was beautiful -- fuck. Shit. He mentally cursed himself and faced her.
"How was yer date?" He basically spat the words out with that sadistic grin on his face.
Kate huffed and narrowed her eyes, looking angry. "Why are you looking so smug, Jude?"
He barked out a laugh, leaning back on the chair. "Smug? Whatcha talkin' about, Princess?"
"Do you take pleasure in seeing me hurt?"
Jude looked at her straight in the eye. "Ya should have the answer to that already."
Her face was red. Kate was fuming. The earlier hints of sadness from her expression were all gone.
"Why do you even care? Huh?" She questioned him, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I don't fuckin' care." Jude replied, expression mirroring hers.
"Then you shouldn't act like you do. Even if he didn't come to the spot--"
He threw the newspaper in front of him, a little too aggressively.
"Then ya will agree to meet that fucker again? Even if he stood ya up two times already? Princess, do ya have any self-respect?"
Kate gasped. "Jude! Just what is your problem? I don't get it!"
Shit. He messed up. Her eyes were filled with tears and... he was the cause. Jude mentally laughed at himself. He was warning Kate about a guy while he was the worst of them all. Surely, the Princess deserves better.
He took slow strides towards her. "Do ya like him?"
"... What?"
"That lousy fucker who can't even show up on a date, and stood ya up twice."
"That's none of your concern."
He took slow strides towards her, but Kate wasn't moving back. She stood still in her place, curious to see what he was going to do. Her eyes were fixed on him, studying his every expression and movement. Kate's eyes were shining as always, but she had changed so much...
She turned even more beautiful.
"He doesn't deserve ya. Ya are wastin' too much of your time." He said nonchalantly, bending down slightly to meet her eyes. "Or do ya like bein' stood up?"
"I can't understand you, Jude Jazza..." Kate breathed out, eyes narrowing once again in fury. "You push me away, say harsh things, then act like you care about me. Just what do you want?"
He clicked his tongue, and they both kept staring at each other. They weren't able to break eye contact, or they just didn't want to. Jude wondered... just what was she actually thinking?
He reached out to wipe a tear that had escaped from her eye. His hand was rough from his line of work, but his touch was gentle.
Kate's reddened cheeks, her big eyes filled with curiosity, her laughter and giggles, the way she would listen to him, and how she had tried to keep him safe during missions... that was all so precious to Jude.
"He can't treat ya good, ya dummy." He said softly.
Kate was silent for a while, but then she spoke in an equally soft voice.
"If he can't... then can you? What are you implying, Jude...?"
His expression as he looked at Kate was so gentle, so soft. There was no sarcasm in his voice as he replied, "Yeah, if ya don't trust my words, then wanna test it out?"
He chuckled upon seeing her flustered and surprised expression. Yeah... he wouldn't trade her for the world...
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squishytenya · 2 days
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semblance of touch - part three
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prologue - part one - part two
pairing - bakugou x gn!reader
warnings - cursing, training fights, descriptions of pain (but not injury), mild angst, mild arguments (title from sedated by Hozier), this one's a long one guys!
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The days after the conference had proven quite boring for the both of you. Since you had been hit by the quirk, you and Bakugou had been understandably banned from patrol. Effects from the girl’s quirk had proved too much of a liability to allow you two to risk your lives or health on the field. 
Stagnation wasn’t something Bakugou enjoyed. 
Something you could tell, because the man had been non-stop bitching for the past 24 hours. If he talked in his sleep, you were sure he would be complaining then too. He had exhausted all of his hobbies apparently (even though said hobbies consisted of gym work, studying and cooking - and that was being generous), and had resorted to sitting on the couch, watching your classmates go by. Not only that, he had been embellishing his people watching with foul mouthed commentary. 
You watched as his red eyes danced over where Midoriya and Ochaco were snuggled up on the loveseat opposite you two. You were sure, if you squinted, you would probably be able to see the cartoon steam bursting from his ears.
“Fucking Deku and his fucking girlfriend, do they have to do that shit in public?” he grumbled, bitterly. 
You rolled your eyes. 
“They’re not in public, they literally live here” 
“Still, get a fucking room”
You sighed, lifting yourself off of the couch. As much as the couple were slightly heavy handed on the PDA, you recognised that Katsuki was experiencing a weird off-brand cabin fever. And, to be honest, his complaining was pissing you off. 
“C’mon shithead, you need to get out of the dorms” 
You punctuated your instruction by running your fingers through his blonde locks and giving them a brisk tug. Bakugou sucked in a breath, one which you attributed to him trying to keep his anger under control.
“Kirishima!” you called for the redhead across the common room, “wanna come spar with us?”
The redhead in question immediately perked up at your suggestion. Patrols had been slow for everyone the past couple of weeks, ever since things with all for one had settled down it had mainly been low level criminals. Such criminals had proved consistently easy to deal with. Unfortunately, this also meant that it was not only Bakugou who had begun to develop that itch under his skin of wanting to do something more. 
Sero poked his head round the corner. 
“Uh, you mind if I tag along?” he questioned, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. 
Bakugou growled. A swift elbow to the ribs from you cut off his emerging protests before they had the chance to bubble over. The amount of time you had spent together had caused you to develop an effective balm to his sharp tongue, even for others. 
“Absolutely, we would love that” you smiled at the two boys in front of you. 
Sero cast an amused glance over to Kirishima, the both of them shared a small smile and nodded back to where you and Bakugou were standing. 
“Right, we need to get ready so move it or lose it, asshole” you sang and pulled your roommate along by his collar. 
— 
The training room was a welcome sight when you entered. Due to the nature of your incident, you and Bakugou had been without training for the past couple of days. The two of you rarely trained with one another, and hadn’t for the past three years of your schooling. Now that you were adults, and almost done with your education all together, you still had yet to be in a one-on-one sparring session with the loud blonde. 
Obviously, this wasn’t something you had taken much issue with, having seen the way he treats others during training. Unlike Kirishima, you didn’t have the non-metaphorical thick skin to be able to deal with those blows. There was no doubt that Katsuki was a force to be reckoned with in every aspect of his life. If you had to deal with the personal side of it because of your unfortunate situation, the training side can keep to itself as far as you were aware. 
The flow of aircon in the gym caused your loose tee to flutter around your torso as you stepped into the room. All four of you had elected for casual gym clothes rather than the more formal training uniform. Despite your best efforts, you couldn’t help but let your gaze travel over your three companions. Sero, despite his deceptively lanky appearance, had elected for classic black gym shorts and a tank with obnoxiously wide arm holes - showing off not only his defined arms, but the lithe muscles of his torso too. Kirishima’s tight black training tee stretched over his defined arms and chest in a way that had you reminiscing of many conversations during girls night. He paired this with loose fitting red sweats that cupped his strong thighs nicely. Both of the men were impressive, and if they weren’t such good friends of yours, there’s no doubt you may have ogled longer. 
In Katsuki’s case, ogling couldn’t be helped. He had managed to wear more clothing than the other two combined, and yet show far more off. The neck of his tank was stretched obscenely wide, showing off the peaks of his collar bones and muscled chest. Muscle wraps were smoothed over his forearms, providing the stability his gauntlets would have usually provided if it was any other training session, and bright orange KT tape tangled around the muscles in his upper arms. The shorts he had on were almost sinfully short, the orange piping up the side of them shifted like silk over his wide thighs whenever he took a step. Under the shorts were a pair of compression leggings so tight they looked almost painted on. The leggings had teasing mesh cutouts on his lower thighs and in triangles up from his ankles - displaying heavily muscled calves. The tank bunched up at the waist of his shorts, which only proved to further accentuate his tapered waist that was so often on show in his hero suit. 
You gulped dryly. 
What was it that Mina had said last time you were watching the boys spar? Sluttiest thing a man can do is have a tiny little waist. Your brain helpfully supplied the quote, causing the skin of your cheeks to flush warmly. 
“Oy, why did you stop?” a gruff voice questioned.
“Oh uh sorry” you excused yourself, traipsing through the open gym door, “just thinking that’s all”
You didn’t miss the arched eyebrow you earned from Sero as you walked into the gym, he had obviously caught her staring. Their redheaded companion snickered slightly through a poorly hidden smile and you threw a dirty look his way - only furthering the man’s giggles. 
“What are you two chucklefucks laughing at?” 
You froze up, spinning on your heel to pat at your companions' clothed chest. 
“Nothing for you to worry about blondie, let’s get to training” you hurried. 
After an annoyed tut, it seemed you had convinced him good enough for you four to get on with what you actually went to the gym to do. As always, Kirishima and Bakugou paired up with each other for sparring which left you and your raven-haired friend to partner up with each other.
“They’re so well matched i’m almost jealous” Sero mused at you, both of you observing your friends immediate start into training. 
“He’ll never say it outloud, but Bakugou really does love training with him” you whispered back. 
Sero snorted. 
“Emotional walls are up so high he can’t even tell his bro he’s a good sparring partner”
“He can’t even tell Sato he likes his baking dude, just grunts like a caveman”
Sero chuckled from his stretching position, peering up at you with  humorous dark eyes. 
“He’s nice to you though”
You double took, avoiding eye contact with the man next to you. Instead, you focused on your calf stretches and tried to still your beating heart. That didn’t seem at all true in your mind. Bakugou had never particularly been nice to you. Of course, he didn’t treat you like complete shit, you were definitely higher up on his mental nice list than Todoroki and Midoriya, despite how far they had all come in terms of friendship.
“I wouldn’t say that” you muttered, “if anything these last couple of days have proved it”
“Oh really? We all saw the press conference”
You cringed at the reminder of the blunder. 
“He doesn’t talk about everyone like that”
“Please, he was pissed cause that woman insulted our hero work, he probably wouldn’t have said anything if it was just me”
Sero rolled his eyes, gracefully tumbling up off the floor. 
“If you say so” he conceded, “maybe you’ll see it the way we do someday”
You snorted, standing and pushing his shoulder away. 
“Okay Socrates, are we sparring or what?”
Within moments the two of you were at blows with one another. Both of your quirks, unlike the two men next to you, were more long-distance friendly so you had taken up the majority of the space in the gym. Sero’s tape had become all the more powerful after years of training at UA, as well as apprentice placements at agencies. Because of the range of your quirks, you two were even placed at the same agency for one of these - meaning not only were your quirks evenly matched, but your training capabilities too. 
You veered sideways, dodging a bolt of tape coming straight for you. The side of the tap had caught your lip slightly, causing a rivulet of blood to drip down your chin. 
“You’re getting rusty Hanta” you sang.
Using the spare bolt of tape to swing round and land a kick to his shoulder that sent him reeling across the floor. You landed down on the soft mat of the gym floor, pounced up on one foot and sent yourself flying through the air towards your target. The training may have been casual, and therefore not very high stakes, but Sero had been your friend since first year and you two had developed a friendly amount of competitiveness when it came to winning fights. Apparently, even playful ones. 
One of your feet came crashing down just an inch from his head, the other below his spread arm. The raven haired man looked up at you from the floor and he was obviously slightly dazed at your quick movements. Reaching down, you placed a hand on his chest and smiled up at him. 
“One, two, three” you counted, drawing out the three. 
“And he’s pinned, I win! Ding ding ding first round goes to me!”
You stood up and withdrew yourself from above your sparring partner. Said man grumbled as he watched you dance around, caught up in the glee of your victory. 
“Yeah yeah, rub it in my face why don’t you”
The tape-hero grumbled, sitting up and rubbing his sore back from where you had planted him on the ground. You beamed at him. 
“Don’t get salty cause you lost dude,” you teased, “I’m just the best, you never had a chance really”
Snickering from the other side of the gym caught both your attention. Kirishima and Bakugou had evidently taken a break from beating the shit out of one another and had apparently seen the end of the fight between you and your butt-hurt sparring partner. Which meant they had also seen the gloating and victory dance you had been performing just moments prior. 
Bakugou glanced up at you through blonde lashes. His gaze was never soft, so to say, not like the way Midoriya looks at Ochako, or even the way Kirishima looks at a good meat skewer. But there was something light and airy in there this time, akin to amusement you would say if you didn’t know any better. 
“You really let them beat you?” grumbled Katsuki to the man on the floor. 
Sero’s sputter was undignified. He waved his hands in protest, before the words actually managed to find their way out of his mouth - you interrupted. 
“What do you mean ‘let’, asshole? He didn’t let me do shit, I beat him fair and square” you huffed, squaring up to the blonde. 
He chuffed, standing up and strolled over to where you were standing. There was less than a foot between your faces now. Still, you were unphased. Defiantly, you poked a finger onto his solid chest and stood even straighter.
“Go on, if you think i’m so easy to beat,” you challenged, “you and me, sparring, right now - let’s go”
A chuff of amusement hit your face, the minty fresh breath of your future opponent did nothing to quell the butterflies in your abdomen. 
“I’ll squish you, princess, don’t even try”
You raised a brow, leaning on one hip and crossing your arms rebelliously. 
“Try me blondie” you snarked, “or are you too much of a pussy? Surely you’re not scared I might beat you”
That seemed to hit the right target. A growl emitted from the man in front of you, one that you weren’t even going to pretend wasn’t attractive. There was pretty much steam emitting from his skin at the challenge. Whoops. 
“Fine, but don’t cry when I win” 
“I’m not Sero”
“Hey!”
Said man's indignant cries of protest were ignored as you followed your challenger onto the training mat once again. Sure, Katsuki was a formidable opponent and sure, you had never actually sparred with him. But you were all best of the best for a reason. You deserved to be here just as much as he did. Plus, you knew your training was good and that you were an amazing fighter, this would be a piece of cake. 
Kirishima counted you both in but neither of you broke eye contact with the other. The soft glint from earlier had all but disappeared, replaced by the harsh determination you knew to expect from Katsuki - whether it be from the past couple of days or the last three years of being in class with him. 
Still, you tried your best to seem unphased. Katsuki was the type to find and exploit any opponent's weakness, as he had done several times in the past with actual villain encounters. And you were all too aware he wasn’t shy of using the same tactics during in-class training. 
“2-1, Go!”
Without a moment's hesitation, the blonde leapt at you from across the mat, giving you little time to dodge. You knew from training that he moved quickly but Jesus, that was a little much. There was hardly time to catch your bearings before he spun seemingly in midair and swung a crackling hand towards your face. You managed to doge again, grabbing the man's arm and using his momentum to swing him towards the training mat. 
Unfortunately for you, Bakugou grabbed the back of your tee as you pulled him over, slamming you onto the mat along with him. 
You felt the thin fabric of your t-shirt tear straight down the middle of your back, the rest of the fabric fluttering off of your body in torn rivulets. Not one to be precious, you tore the rest of the scraps off - leaving you in a tight training vest. The sweat dripping down your forehead was quickly wiped away and you steeled yourself for the incoming blow from Bakugou. 
Ever the opportunist, he had used your momentary distraction to swing his popping, crackling fist towards your stomach. Within the split second of seeing it coming, you knew there was no way you’d be able to dodge it. Instead, you tensed your stomach muscles the best you could and prepared to swing your own elbow into the side of his face. But as his fist and your elbow made impact - there was a blinding golden light that illuminated the entire gym. 
When your vision came back to you, excruciating pain emitted not only from your stomach, but also your jaw? 
The wind had been thoroughly knocked from your chest. Laying, gasping on the mat, you could only blink up as Kirishima’s concerned face popped into your field of vision. There was an attempt to communicate with him yet all you could manage was a pitiful whimper. The pain flowing through your body, pulsating from your stomach and jaw was overwhelming. Despite your excessive training having desensitised you to a lot of pain, this was unlike anything you had ever felt before. It was like molten lava was flowing from the impact spots on your stomach and jaw. Tears began to gather in the corners of your eyes. How embarrassing.
Katsuki seemed to be in a similar situation if the pained groans echoing from across the training mat were any indication. 
“Shit, Sero get Mr Aizawa, you’re quicker than I am” you heard Kiri’s concerned tone over your own heavy breathing. 
“I’ll get recovery girl too”
You were full on sobbing now, wracked breaths forcing their way out of your chest. It felt like every cell in your body was burning up at once, exploding into themselves like a collapsing star. 
“Katsuki” you whimpered, reaching towards the man across the mat. 
“Kirishima, bring him here”
Kiri looked concerned at leaving you in this state, but it was clear what you needed at that moment. For some reason, your body was yelling at you to be closer to Katsuki, even if him beating you up had resulted in this in the first place. 
Rustling could be heard across the room from you and you found yourself thanking the gods for Kirishima and his strength. The view of the redhead cradling his friend's writhing body in his arms made your heart race slightly, hoping that Bakugou wasn’t in as much pain as you were. His teeth were gritted and his eyes seemed hazy, unable to focus on anything in the room. It looked to be exactly how you felt, but he was handling it slightly better it seemed. You sniffed some of your tears back. 
Kirishima laid Bakugou next to you and you felt the pain in your body let up slightly. The tugging in your cells didn’t cease until you managed to drag yourself to curl sluggishly into the crook of the blonde’s arm. His body smelt like it always did, slightly muskier maybe but the subtle aftershave and bonfire smell stuck around through almost anything. Your body was screaming at you to make some kind of contact but you couldn’t bring yourself to move an inch. The pain radiating from your body pulsed and writhed through your muscles like scalding water, twisting your body into a painful shape on the mat. 
A muffled screech escaped from between your gritted teeth but you managed to pull yourself half on top of Bakugou. Your head hit his chest and he grunted slightly at the impact. Incessantly, the pain throbbed on through your muscles. Stupid fucking Bakugou in his stupid nun-ish exercise wear. He may as well have gone all out and worn a habit. 
You grasped weakly at the tank covering his torso, only to find your grip not strong enough to move it any considerable distance. A groan echoed above you. Katsuki had seen your struggle and was moving one of his outstretched arms to curl around your bare shoulders. 
As soon as his skin made contact with yours it was like a cooling water poured through your body, soothing the intense ache and burning it had been feeling. You were finally able to draw a proper, painless breath into your aching lungs. Never again would you take that ability for granted. The pain hadn’t yet fully left your body, still sore like an old bruise. There was no way of telling what the damage actually looked like but you were sure it wasn’t good. 
The door of the gym slammed open, your capture-weapon clad teacher marching his way towards where your two bodies collapsed on the floor. Coughing weakly, you flitted your eyes up to meet his. The older man grumbled, sitting on the floor next to the two of you. 
“Why can’t you two go five seconds without getting into trouble?”
You chuckled weakly, still under the hostage of Bakugou’s arm. The man himself grumbled underneath you in a weak attempt at protest. 
“You think we do this shit on purpose?” he snapped, half-heartedly. 
“That or a cruel trick of fate,” Aizawa muttered. 
“A solid possibility,” you groaned, “but i’d rather it not be that”
The ensuing argument was interrupted by the arrival of recovery girl and a very out-of-breath Sero. The small woman pursed her lips at the two of you. Obviously, you were a sight to behold - a tangled pile of limbs and fabric breathing heavily on a training mat. It still felt like all of the energy had been zapped out of you, even if the pain was lessening more and more by the second. The tear tracks on your cheeks had dried out by now and were uncomfortable crusty on your face. You would definitely need a shower after this. 
“There’s nothing I can do here” 
Katsuki’s arm tensed around you and you could feel the snarl bubbling up his chest from where your head was laid. 
“What do you mean there’s noth-”
“You’re not injured” she stated, quite promptly, “there is nothing physically wrong with you for me to heal”
“Recovery girl” began Kirishima, “what happened then?”
It was clear seeing two of their close friends in pain had shook Kirishima and Sero up slightly. The taller man was leaning into Kirishima’s hold, gnawing at his lip. Kirishima, meanwhile, had wrapped one of his strong arms around Sero’s shoulders and was rubbing his hand up and down his arm comfortingly. You reached up to pat at Hanta’s leg, the closest attempt at comfort you could scrounge from your fatigued body. 
“Despite their quirk incident earlier this week, these two thought it would be smart to try and train with each other,” recovery girl explained. 
She sounded sick of your shit. Not that you blamed her. 
“And in doing that, they caused a quirk reaction”
You groaned. The explanation seemed so simple when it was laid out in front of you like that but it hadn’t even occurred to you not to spar Katsuki. The quirks' effects weren’t exactly wearing off, but the ache in your wrist where the girl had grabbed you had disappeared completely as you two had been staying close enough to one another. You supposed it was odd to forget about it but you only wanted to get back to training. 
“And in doing so, have shortened the distance allowed between them” 
“Oh my god” you groaned, thumping your head down onto the mat this time. 
“This would never have happened if you didn’t get so cocky,” Bakugou complained. 
You shot him a look as best you could from face down on the mat. 
“If you weren’t such a prick, I wouldn’t have responded like that in the first place, would I?” 
Aizawa leaned forward and pinched both of your ears. 
“Stop whining, you’re both at fault. Now go back to the dorms”
Both of you huffed like children being scolded by a nursery teacher. With Aizawa, it still felt like that sometimes, despite the fact you were now all technically pro heroes. Still, you rolled out from under Katsuki’s arm and tried your best to stand. 
In doing so, you leaned too far away from him and your wrist started flaring with the familiar burning sensation. You hissed and gripped the appendage, bringing it and yourself closer to Bakugou. 
You looked at your wrist in disbelief. 
“That was barely three feet” you whispered, meeting eyes with recovery girl. 
She tutted. 
“You made your own bed dear, time to lie in it”
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taglist - @yizhoutv @champagnetvstes @lexmarine @shadowsingers-redhood @h0nestly-though @bby-chloe1999
sorry this one took so long! I was doing uni exams but I should be pretty much free (apart from work maybe) for the rest of the summer soooo! comment or send me an ask if you want on the taglist for the semblance series
I've also completed the first chapter of Kirishima's section of the choose your own path series so lmk if you want to be tagged in that! replies and reblogs are much appreciated muah >3<
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Processing identity as a child abuse survivor
Recently I had a huge revelation. Come with me on this childhood trauma realization journey (if you want).
This post was written for those wavering on the 'was it abuse' question.
Fair warning, each of these revelations were a whammy. I recommend you keep in mind that these revelations will transform the way you see yourself and the world. This took me out of commission for hours at a time.
Revelation 1: Was I Abused?
Read this Tumblr post. Go down the list. Check the 'yes'es and 'maybe's.
'Was I abused' is a yes or no question. I need you to really think about this if your answer is 'kind of'. If you could be truly honest with yourself, what would your answer be?
For years I've gone to the logic of 'it wasn't that bad,' and 'at least the worst didn't happen,' or 'others have had it worse'. This is such a low bar. You deserve better than the bar your parents set for you. The socioeconomic circumstances and the normalization of violence in your living area? Yes, influential. But not a justification.
At the end of the day, the veracity of these statements don't even matter. It's a yes or no question: 'Am I a survivor of child abuse?'
It may take a really long time to truly process, and even then it might feel uncomfortable saying it like it's truth. I need you to know your truth is truth. It's a yes or no question.
Take a break. I recommend you don't progress further until you've processed Revelation 1.
(Shameless plug-in of my fandom blorbo interests: Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series really helped me with this first revelation. It made me feel seen and less alone. It may not be perfect, but I personally liked it!)
Revelation 2: What does this mean? (health-wise)
Listen to this Ted Talk by an expert (medical professional).
youtube
This is the part where I got angry and really fucking sad. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself be furious. Our life is not our fault and we're still stuck with this lot.
Genuinely this was such a shock for me to realize. The thing that has the biggest impact on my life is not my anxiety, depression, ptsd, insomnia, blood pressure, immune health, etc. The root cause of my physical and mental illnesses is Adverse Childhood Experiences.
ACE is more common than you'd think. Acknowledging that what happened to you was bad will be beneficial to humanity's survival in the long run. Like any illness, ACE can be fought at a societal level.
Take a break. I recommend you don't progress to the next revelation until you've processed Revelation 2.
Take your time to be angry and sad. Take forever. You never have to forgive your abuser, even if they change their behavior. The chance at a civil acquaintanceship you might be willing to extend to your parents doesn't require your forgiveness.
.
Revelation 3: Why is your therapist recommending you retell your life story?
This one is mostly for when you have steady access to a therapist. Here are some things I wish I'd known before seeking out therapy in the US.
(Is it shitty that you can't get therapy on your own terms when you're underage? Yes, it fucking is. To those of us who survived to adulthood: holy shit y'all. At 19 I felt like absolute fucking bullshit, like my brain was a burning ball of tangled barbed wire. It does feel absolutely shitty. But reaching 19 is an achievement.)
The thing is, I do or say a lot of things that I later come to think of as embarrassing, inappropriate, or in certain circumstances, potentially abusive. Genuine trigger reactions happen. I will always have to live with a piece of my parents in my head. But I don't want to do to another person what they did to me. Self-awareness is what separates me from my abusers.
What to do about this? Number 1: chill out. You're not gonna be your abuser. Humans are unique and imperfect. They have not replicated themselves in you. It's okay to make mistakes when you're talking or reacting. Your brain is fucked up. You can do something differently next time.
Number 2: read this article about Overthinking, Over-apologizing, Oversharing, and Overwhelmed as trauma responses.
Then read this article on how to deal with Unresolved Trauma.
Yeah. It be like that. Isn't it fucked up? Recognizing the four Os in my behavior helped me realize I'm not an antisocial asshole by default.
Unresolved trauma is the root cause for my behaviors that I think of as unhealthy. This revelation happened very recently for me. Before this point in time, I couldn't understand why I would want to recount traumatic events in therapy.
At this point in time, I have regular access to a therapist I'm okay with. Going over memories and deconstructing the blame system seems like a reasonable thing to try.
What happened to you as a child is not your fault. You're not the one who landed yourself in your life. You've been given an unfairly difficult situation to be responsible for. You did not create your coping mechanisms for shits and giggles.
So yeah. Number 3: figure out your life with the help of a therapist. Let's see where we are ten years later or something.
Nothing is easy and everything is confusing. Take a break, hydrate, eat, sleep, do something nice for yourself. Do something you like doing. Thanks for reading.
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adasknife · 23 hours
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this a sort of complain of capcom and some fans.
i have been *seeing posts of people 'trying' to slander claire and trying to uplift ada. when you see why they try to make those conclusions, it sort of makes sense why. ada is a character in resident evil and the fans solely base her around leon and her bad actions. it makes sense why people try to defend her especially when some (not all) claire fans mention ada's name over and over in attempts to slander her.
the line of defense of ada is, "well, without ada, nothing would've happened. leon wouldn't have survived raccoon city. oh, well, she sold plagas and continued the story in re5. she caused the issues of re6 and fixed them. she helped leon with the information in the end of re6. ada isn't really bad if she..."
blah, blah. all are valid points, but we are missing the biggest detail. why is ada's character written like that? why did ada patch leon up? why did the cold mercenary gain a heart in the original re2? why does she have to be there for leon?
it's fucking capcom.
you guys are allowed to like ada. guys, i like her. i fucking adore ada, but let's be honest. capcom doesn't know what's ada's motives were in the original game. the only reason ada does those things is because capcom doesn't know what to do. why did ada save leon if letting to die would be faster and quicker for her? idk.
or why does ada feel obligated to help leon in the og separate ways? idk.
why is ada a morally gray character? oh, yeah. for capcom it's for keeping leon safe.
why does ada do her actions?
"oh, it's because she is mysterious and we aren't allowed to know."
why not? why aren't we allowed to know if the time skip of re2 and re6 (in real time 14 years), all we know is that her name isn't real.
all of ada's actions are:
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when people ask, why don't we have an ada game? bro, do you honestly think capcom knows what to do with her? we barely got the remake and she makes a bit more sense than last time.
like even the original guy of re2 was like, "wow, i really like the kiss. it shows how much of a manipulator ada is!" [X]
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and let's not pretend that capcom and some fans treat her as a raging stereotype of asian women.
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trying to shit on claire/ada just pisses me off because girl characters have to stick together. capcom sexualises women every single chance it got. they queerbaited chris. capcom has a male dominant fandom base. they do things for the guys. why do you think ada's interaction with leon is all the time flirting? like guys, think it through.
why is it so hard to possibly think ada is a victim of bad writing from capcom? ada deserves fucking better and i'm tired of repeating it over and over. settling shouldn't be an option
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romeavecryst · 3 days
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Crush Culture˖ ࣪⊹
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III. Bloodrushing
Sum: first day of camp. It wouldn’t be to bad could it? She has enough to distract her from her ex. Like a fellow blonde first year who may or may not be looking for her constantly.
warnings: standing on businesses with an ex! Tsuki being a hater, cursing, flirting, reader not being sly whatsoever when flirting, toxic themes.
(IV.)
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.˚₊‧ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ‧₊˚.
Snap out of it.
She groaned into her hands, why could he just quit. His eyes never left her movement she could feel him staring her down how he took in her body so unapologetically. “It’s the first day you can’t avoid me forever.” His voice was heard from behind her.
“Leave me alone Konoha.” She turned facing him.
His face soft his body was leaned against the wall “Don’t be like that..” he muttered his hand going up to her face.
“No, I get to be however the fuck I want remember you got neck from some other bitch. In your mom’s car. I’ll act how I please.” She spoke harshly pushing past him.
“You’re still stuck on that?” He scoffed. Watching as she walked away.
His comment making her stop in her tracks. Ahead of her she saw Kuroo talking to karasunos captain, both captains making eye contact with her. Watching as she turned around her braids whipping around her body “your fucking joking right.”
“Yeah I’m still stuck on it because you cheated on me!” That wasn’t truly the worst part, what made it worst was that is was a girl who you were worried about, a girl who was in him dms and he only said ‘I don’t even know her like that, she’s just a classmate.’
He rolled his eyes, she watched his face drop his arms once crossed fall to his sides, his eyes glaring at whoever was behind her.“go fuck yourself, or I will send Yamamoto after you. He bites.” Kuroo spoke.
She only smiled waving him off.
“Still can’t believe you dated him..” kuroo dissed.
“He’s good with his words..” she answered Turing and walking past her captain him following behind.
She was honest because he was good with his words, but cheating on her was the final straw. And everyone knew it. She wouldn’t waste her time on him because he didn’t deserve forgiveness. She was irritated beyond belief, a small frown displayed on her lips as she walked past the karasuno team.
“What’s her problem.” Tsukishima asked facing his best friend.
Yamaguchi only shrugged, she was talking to some guy. What did he say to make her upset, what about his presents made Kuroo intervene?
Tsukishima continued to look for her through your the day yet only saw her a few times but her attention was turned to something else. She still had this look a look of disgust maybe she was upset, was it because of what that guy said. Who was he to her.
“Tsukii you’re staring.” Yamaguchi spoke softly poking his friend.
“What. No im not.” He scoffed.
His eyes only leaving her for a second. But when he looked back she was looking as him, his eyes held her gaze. A small smile appeared on her face as she gave him a little wave, him only giving her a nod. Once she turned away his face heated. The blood rushing to his ears and face, over a simple wave. This is stupid, “punch me in I keep looking at her.” He whispered towards his friend who gave him a questionable look.
Yamaguchi may have not punched him out called him out every single time throughout the day luckily he finally got away from it. It was now dinner everyone was settled in their rooms the first day was real just a day to get comfortable meeting others the whole jiff. “Tsukii, just go talk to her.” He said to his friend as the walked down to the dining hall.
He glared at his friend “Talk to who!” A feminine voice came from behind them.
Tsukishimas and yamaguchi to look behind them quickly and there she stood. Her hair much longer than the last time he saw her in multiple braids some pulled behind in a clip. She wore the same red track suit but it was zipped down under the bust of her Brest. Gold jewelry commenting her bronze features, his eyes meet hers, “who do you need to talk to stalker?” She laughed lightly.
He coughed removing his gaze from hers “nobody, how about you stop being so nosy.”
She rolled her eyes “Such an attitude huh?” She spoke towards Yamaguchi her finger pointing at his blonde friend. She watched as yamaguchis eyes met his friends giving him a quick smile as he sped up.
“Your friend seemed nervous.” She spoke.
He sighed stuffing his hands in his pocket “He’s always like that.”
She hummed in response “what about you? are you always.. this pink in the face. Are you nervous stalker.”
He scoffed “I am not nervous! You don’t make me nervous.”
“I didn’t say that.” She hummed.
Shit. His glaring eyes met hers, hers big as she looked up at him. She knew what she was doing and he hated how she had this type of reaction out of him. She was confident, cocky. And he was nervous.
“Why so quiet Tsukii.” She teased.
“I have nothing to say, brat.” He spoke closing his eyes as he stuck his nose in the air.
She grabbed him by the sleeve making him look down at her “You blush like a school girl.” She whispered.
He froze as he watched her walk into the dining hall. “I- I do not!” He said a little louder than hoped his voice causing a few people to look towards him.
His hands dropping to his sides his fist clutching “I’m sorry Tsukishima what wrong?” She asked her tone mocking.
“I do not.”
“Don’t what baby?” She asked smiling crossing her arms, her head tilting.
“I-, nothing. It’s whatever.” He muttered glaring at her.
She nodded, her body turing away from him heading to get herself food. He just stood there only for a moment before going to sit next to Yamaguchi. A fowl expression displaying on his features.
“Wow wow wow, someone embarrassed?” Nishinoya spoke.
“Noya..” Daichi warned him.
“She practically bitched you out.” Tanaka said, taking a bite of his food.
A harsh glare was sent his way, “you should go get dinner before people start going up for seconds.” The sound of her voice making him tense up. He watched as the eyes of his teammates went back and forth between the two. He groaned turned around standing up.
“I’ll get food when I feel like it.” He spoke their bodies close together a sly smile on her lips as he glared down at her.
“Is that why you stood up?” She spoke softly her tone flirtatious.
His frown deepened “careful you’ll get wrinkles, now go eat or I’ll stick your coach on you.” She smiled shifting her body letting him walk around her.
He rolled his eyes muttering a small “fine.” As he walked away. She turned towards the team giving the a quick smile before walking with one of her own boys.
“That was hot. Mostly because of her.” Sugawara said.
Daichi scoffed punching his friend in the arm “Hey! You know I’m right!” Suga defended himself pointing at the captain.
She was so close to him. His heart was pounding out of his chest, in front of the team the people that will tease the shit out of him, over a stupid girl. Tsukishimas girl tightened around the tray. “Careful you’ll break the danm thing if you squeeze it hard enough.” A voice next to him spoke.
Looking over Tuskishima met with the face that’s he was talking to earlier. He was shorter then himself but older, his hair was dirty blonde almost gray, his eyes narrow and dark. “How do you know Nekomas manager.” Tsukishima asked with out a second thought.
The expression on his face changing not a lot but enough, that it was more of a scowl. Or maybe it was his face. “She’s my ex. Trying to fix things but she just acting like-“
“Like a what?” Tsukishima and a voice from next to Konaha. Akaashi was his name maybe.
“Nothing. She just holds grudges.” He muttered moving around Tsukishima.
Akaashi eyes met his. “She doesn’t hold grudges he cheated on her.” He spoke towards tsukishima.
Oh. Oh no fucking way. That made Tsukishimas blood boil, “he what?”
“Yep say you talk to her more about it not my business to share.” Akaashi spoke, leaving tsukishima.
How could someone cheat. There is no excuse for it. And someone like him doing that to her. Just another reason to dislike him, hate? Yeah that’s a fitting word. His scowl pretty much boring into the back of his head Tsukishima could tell his eyes would steal glances at her, stare at her. Yet when he would follow Konaha gaze she was looking at him. Looking at tsukishima.
“You’re staring. Is she at-lest staring back?” Noya teased.
“Take a look for yourself.” He muttered pointing his fork up.
Noya and Tanaka looked back and she sure was, her eyes moving elsewhere as the two second yeas stared at her. “Is she secretly your girlfriend.” Noya asked his eyes squinting at the first year.
“No.” He rolled his eyes.
“Just learned her name a few days ago.”
“Okay you two are practically eye fucking eachother from across the cafeteria.” Tanaka spoke, a firm hand landing on his back.
“How about you mind your business, she’s obviously not into either of you.” Daichi spoke a smile on his face.
The two second years began to bicker with their captain, tsukishima scoffed standing up with his tray. Disposing it, he watched as she walked out the doors Konaha following her a bit after. Would it be wrong of him if he followed them, stalkerish maybe? “She dose call me a stalker.” He said tossing his cup in the dish tub.
He heard the sound of quiet bickering from the side of a gym. He listened, Konaha begging her for some type of forgiveness over and over and simple of her telling him to go fuck himself. The argument continuing to get heated, the way he spoke to her made tsukishima mad. Her calm tone soon became more angery, “Don’t fucking touch me!”
“Konaha Let go of me.” She yelled.
“She said let go man.”
Y/n and Konaha eyes darted towards Tsukishima, Konaha hands letting go of her wrist. “Oh, so what? You’re fucking around with a first year?”
“Fuck off Konah, leave me alone or I will report you to your coach for harassment.” She spoke.
“Common admit it, you’re fucking with him.” Konaha spoke close to her face.
“You keep acting like that I’ll fuck him just to piss you off even more. Also remember your brother likes younger girls.” She spat.
“Fuck you.”
His body shoved past her, knocking her of balance.
“Are you alright.” He asked.
“Yeah I’m great.”she groaned rubbing her wrist.
His eyes watched her for a moment her lip quivering a bit, “do you want someone to walk you to your room?” He asked his hand rubbing the back of his neck.
“I dont need a hero stalker thanks for showing up.” She hissed.
“Not trying to be a hero geez.” He said, “just trying to be friendly.”
Her eyes met his “sorry..”
“Just, yeah I’m sorry. We can walk.” She spoke softly.
He nodded walking up to her, the walked in silence a type of silence that wasn’t awkward but comfortable. He took glances at her here and there she looked as if she was going to cry but scream. But she let it to herself, her fingers pulling at the lose skins on her fingers.
“Are you nervous?” He asked his tone being more teasing then planed.
His watched as she laughed a little “oh really? Me nervous no never.”
His lip twitched up a bit “whatever.”
His body faced hers a bit more as they walked “did you mean that? What you said earlier that you’d fuck me just to piss him off.” He asked, his cheeks flushed as he restated the comments.
He watched her expression change to embarrassment “Well I just said it in the heat of the moment! Hah.. sorry im petty and I knew it would get under his skin sorry if the bothered you.” She spoke quickly.
Tsukishima wouldn’t mind, not one bit send a pic while at it. But what made this moment even vey was how nervous her tone was, a comment that was made in the moment and she’s nervous. By no means was it a figure of speech. And they both knew it. The conversation continued in just small stuff, nothing to get to know one another crazy enough. But he enjoyed it, listening to her talk how she talked with her hands that she had this awkward nature when she was nervous, but it wasn’t anything to ruin the vibe.
“This is where I’m at, sadly you can come if because it’s a girls dormitory.” She spoke stepping up a stair.
He nodded “yeah my curfew is about to hit do I couldn’t even come up to entertain you what a shame for you huh.” He srugged.
She laughed, the bloodrushing to his face as she did so. He cleared his throat “Goodnight Maverick.” He bowed lightly. “Goodnight Tsukishima, I’ll see you tomorrow.” She waved heading into the door. Tsukishima stood there watching for a moment.
“It’s not like she’s leaving forever you’ll see her tomorrow stupid” he muttered to himself. As he took a deep breath he put his headphones on and walked to his room. It’s gonna be an entertaining two weeks..
Closing the door behind her she let her body weigh fall against it. Letting out a sigh a small grin on her face. He wasn’t so bad sassy yeah but he could be nice. Her mind wondering over the thoughts of him, she noticed he smelled like lemons and mint a lingering smell of old spice maybe? She couldn’t tell but he smelled good. How he constantly pushed up his glasses because the fell down the bridge of his nose. She let her hands fall to her sides groaning.
The sound of her phone going off catching her attention, a group text with some of the boys. Kuroo sending the first text. (Open for the text!)
“Brother.” She groaned opening the text.
Turing off her phone she sighed standing up, if there was one thing she was thankful for was they looked out for her. They always did, but it was too soon to even tell them anything on that idea.
Time will tell right?
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delopsia · 3 days
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Not sure if you’ve answered this before…but who’s the most desperate for it when Bob gets back from deployment?
I feel like it’s Rhett and he’s an absolute menace until he gots Bob inside him. He teases and pushes bobs buttons until it happens, riding that fine line of getting denied for being so awful but Bob can’t resist. But after one orgasm each then Rhett gets punished while Bob takes care of reader but lets be honest, he was craving a punishment too.
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I...done got carried away 😬 oops
A part of me is inclined to say that Bobby himself is the most desperate of the three; he's just not as vocal about it. For the past several months, Rhett and Reader have, at the very least, had each other to play with, but Bob? He's been crammed on a ship, in a tiny room full of people, and into an even tinier bunk bed.
The most intimate touch he's had came from his own rushed hand while in the shower, and the only thing he's seen of Reader and Rhett have been the occasional photos and videos that they've sent. Some erotic, some mundane, it's a true mix.
And maybe he'd get found out a little faster if Rhett wasn't so damn distracting. Leaning up from the back seat and letting his breath fan out against Bob's pale neck, pressing his palm to the small of Bob's back when they step through a door. He even slips into those cute, pastel pink shorts when they get home, long legs and thick thighs on perfect display, lounging in bed while Bob fusses with unpacking.
The Reader knew he was going to do this, not because Rhett Abbott is a predictable man (though he usually is), but because they jokingly orchestrated this several weeks before. And that's why they keep distracting Bob just enough to keep him from snapping on the spot, stringing him out until their dinner plans are over. It works so well that they reckon he might last through a movie or two.
But then Rhett mistakenly drops something and bends down at just the right angle to brush against Bobby's crotch, and Bob's patience shatters.
It wasn't even Rhett's intention to set him off. Not like that, at least, but it's hard to argue with being bent over the arm of the couch. Maybe Bobby finds a cute, heart-shaped plug when he yanks down those goddamned pastel shorts. Maybe there are lingering marks from when he and the Reader had a little fun before they headed to the airport.
Rhett's at his prettiest when he's being railed from behind. A hand tangled in his hair, forcing his head up, his arms trembling on either side of the Reader, hot breath on their chest, nothing but choked noises and mindless babbles. It's been so long since the Reader last watched his tongue loll out of his mouth, panting like a damn dog.
But the Reader has gone and incriminated themselves, and though there's a brief shower intermission, they find themselves bent over the kitchen sink. Head in Rhett's lap, feeling the way his hands roam across their naked back while Bobby pushes into them. A sharper pair of eyes might notice Bob's own poorly hidden desperation, but those aren't in the room right now. Too distracted by the Reader's whine and the soft smack of skin on skin.
It's not until morning that Rhett and Reader realize how damn bad Bob's got it. Hell, they're still snuggled together, blinking away the sleepiness in their eyes when a faint squelch catches their ears. Bobby, in his own little world, carefully fucking himself on his own fingers.
Those cheeks twinge with pink when he opens his eyes to find an audience, but shame is something he hasn't known in years. Rhett's sore, and the Reader isn't in the mood to fight with that strap-on, but it's hard to resist digging out Bob's favorite toy. Snuggling up on either side of him, taking turns slowly fucking him with it. But that's not enough either.
And it's a good thing that everyone took time off because it takes a damn week to wring him dry. Even then, Rhett reckons Bob might jump his bones every time he slips into those tiny little shorts.
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md-confessions · 1 day
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Trigger Warning for abuse since I am going to be talking about it a lot.
My honest reaction to TSM anon's confessions/posts trying to justify J's treatment of N. (They're so ass)
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Ok so uhh... Anyway I'll try to debunk some of the points:
First of all: yes the fuck she is abusive! Search the damn definition on Google or the dictionary, it's exactly what she's doing, like beat for beat.
Let's start with two examples: one from the manor and another from copper-9.
J kicking N in the manor flashback: for context N and V had literally just bumped into each other, made a spark and both were trying to clean up the mess they made, then comes in Ms. Tenth letter of the alphabet with a kick to N's face for like no fucking reason whatsoever.
J stepping on N's chest while he clearly struggles: In the pilot during the scene that introduces the Alphabet squad during J's introduction she has her foot on his chest while saying he's useless, terrible and if she could, she'd kill him herself and N is very clearly struggling to even breath.
Those two very clearly ARE abuse, the second one even has a tinge of verbal abuse!
Ok so TSM tried to justify both these actions by us not knowing the full context.
The context of the kick is that: there is none, that kick was completely unprovoked, so J had absolutely no reason for kicking N aside from him being in her way from the "move it moron" line, and she changes up her attitude completely at Tessa being there, her visor showing those hollow eyes that drones show when worried or scared.
But even if you say "oh but N was in J's way so she kicked him out" but she could have just, you know, MOVED A LITTLE BIT TO THE RIGHT?!?!? And also that does not excuse kicking a person in the face.
Context of the second scene is: THERE IS NONE, ONE AGAIN! The reason that scene exists is to show that A. J is abusive towards N, and B. J is a hypocrite! Let me explain, A is very self explanatory, stepping on someone's chest and verbally abusing them is very clearly well... Abuse and B is to show that even though she calls N useless, N has shown throughout the rest of the series he is a very competent fighter, arguably better than his fellow DDs and also that even though J was pretty much insulting N for being weak, she got killed by a Angsty bisexual 18-year-old with a pen and a Railgun made out of like, scrap.
I don't know how you can genuinely look at those scenes and go "J isn't an abuser" even though yes she fucking is.
Also I dead ass forgot that second post aside from the "why would Cyn put N in the squad if his abuser?" Part, which has a very simple explanation: it wasn't Cyn, it was Mr. Solver of the absolute fabric itself! It used Cyn as a host, Cyn wasn't in control, she prob has been dead for a long ass time.
The solver is sadistic and it likes fucking with the alphabet squad, take V as an example: it allowed V to keep her memories, just to make V's trauma even worse.
The solver thinks it's funny to traumatize people so why wouldn't it think putting a person in the same team as their abuser wouldn't be?
Anyways I've been typing this since 5:30 AM, and now it's 6:50 and I got school so I'll stop here, if you got anything else to add put it in the reblogs ig...
Final note: I haven't been abused myself (not that I remember) so I can't really fully grasp the concept, but still, J's treatment of N is like, the dictionary definition of Abuse, I'm very bad at understanding other people and their emotions and I'm not super great at analysing characters but this shit is so obviously abuse seeing TSM over here trying to say otherwise is giving me a brain aneurysm.
Anyways have a good day/evening/night or whatever time of day it is :D
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yournecessaryevil · 7 hours
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💀 Callsign: Motionless 💀
🖤COD! CHRIS CERULLI X READER ONESHOT🖤
You were the new recruit they brought on to assist TF141, and your first week with everyone was supposed to be a guaranteed breeze. There's just one problem: you and the Lieutenant they assigned to train you don't exactly get along...
• fluff; language; slight angst
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You hated him.
You'd only been with your task force for the short span of one week, and already, you despised him, with every fibre of your being.
Sure, you were the newest recruit, which meant you still had a lot to learn, but if you were being perfectly honest, Lieutenant Cerulli's teaching methods were a bit... harsh? Grating, unorthodox, even?
"Again."
Ugh, speak of the devil, and he shall appear, right?
Cerulli's voice snapped you out of your thoughts, his tone firm and demanding.
You gritted your teeth, sneaking a sideways glare at him out of the corner of your eye. You hated the way he stood there watching you, brown eyes narrowed, him and his perfect tactical vest with the stupid little patch that had his callsign embroidered on it in fancy white letters, 'MOTIONLESS'.
Fuck him and his perfect stupid eyebrows and piercings and ink, and his perfect voice that could simultaneously melt your insides as well as cut you down to the bone.
Your hands curled into fists as you stood up, digging the toe of one of your boots into the protective mat on the floor. The two of you had been at it for hours now it seemed, the private training gym the only witness to the grueling torture Lieutenant Cerulli had been putting you through.
"I don't see why we have to keep doing this, it's-" you began to protest.
"-an important fucking life skill you need to learn. Now quit whining and go," Cerulli cut in sharply. You huffed in irritation, shooting a glare in his direction before charging towards him, your leg up and ready to drop kick him-
And just like the previous twelve times you'd tried, you were down on the mat in an instant, your wrists pinned beneath his, one of his legs keeping both of yours pinned to the mat.
Letting out a frustrated growl, you went to tug your wrists free from his grip, making an attempt to shove him away from you, but Cerulli wouldn't budge.
"No. You're gonna sit here and tell me what went wrong this time," he said with a shake of his head, before helping you sit up.
You avoided his gaze, instead keeping your eyes fixed on the dark blue mat beneath you. "Too slow," you muttered. "No," came Cerulli's instant reply.
Gritting your teeth, you finally let your eyes meet his, both of you staring at each other through narrowed eyes.
"I don't fucking know-"
"Your form is fucking pathetic, you're distributing your weight in all the wrong places, and your attitude fucking stinks," Cerulli snapped.
That was it, you were done.
Pulling yourself into a standing position, you glared down at him. "I'm done," you spat.
His jaw clenching, Cerulli stood up as well, the height difference between the two of you just a little bit intimidating.
"You're done when I say you're done!" he hissed. Your hands curled into fists at your sides again, but you stood your ground, staring him down, refusing to be the first to break eye contact.
You were starting to see why everyone had a rather unpopular opinion about Lieutenant Cerulli. The man was impossible to work with, his teaching methods harsh, his demeanor cold and unforgiving.
On impulse, you blurted out the first thing that came to mind, the two words easily slipping off the tip of your tongue.
"Fuck. You."
A muscle in Cerulli's jaw twitched, his eyes narrowing, the irises seeming to darken.
For the briefest of seconds, you wondered if perhaps you'd gone just a bit too far, until he slowly ran one inked hand through his dyed purple hair, his gaze growing cold.
"Get out. We're fucking done. As of tomorrow, you're no longer my problem," he hissed, pointing towards the doors to the gym.
Good fucking riddance, right?
With an irritated glance in his direction, you abruptly turned on your heel, not bothering to look back as you stormed out of the gym, letting the doors slam shut behind you.
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Well.
Today's practice could have gone a lot better. No, fuck that, today's practice should have gone a lot better.
After you had left in a huff, Chris had stayed behind, wanting to give himself some time to calm down.
It wasn't that he was mad at you, persay.
It was more so the fact that you had given up so fucking easily, hadn't even tried to give it your all.
Not even a day after you had been introduced to the team, it had been determined that he himself, the one they called 'Motionless', would be in charge of overseeing your training, tasked with the job of shaping you into something more than just a rookie, something better, a valuable asset to their task force.
And it had gone well for the first couple of days. Or at least, he thought it had.
Up until today, that is.
The two of you had been here in the private training gym since 10am, working on turning you from the shiny new recruit into a powerhouse of a cadet. The only problem? You were stubborn as hell, insistent on doing things your way, even though time and effort had shown your methods to be flawed.
He was only trying to do his fucking job, after all. The same job he'd done countless times before, with nearly every new recruit that came into their squad bay.
So why did this particular job affect him this badly?
Why did you affect him this badly...?
It wasn't like he was asking you to move mountains for him, no. He simply wanted someone he could be proud of, someone who could easily defend themselves if their team was down for the count, someone who he wouldn't have to hear had died in action, or been taken hostage, or god knows what.
The mere thought had Chris grimacing in distaste as he sighed, heading for the gym doors. He only wanted you to be able to defend yourself, that was all. The world could be an unkind place sometimes...
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"He's arrogant, and cold, and a complete dick."
One corner of your mouth tugged itself up in a brief snarl as you sat there at the table in the mess hall, conversing with some of your fellow team members.
The smallest one, the one you've heard people call Vinny, spoke up, shifting slightly in his seat across from you. "He's not that bad, you just gotta figure him out. Pretty easy to get along with after that," he shrugged.
Easy for him to say, he and the three other people sitting here already had it in good with Lieutenant Cerulli. Upon you pointing this out, Vinny shrugged again, an unbothered look on his face.
"That's because we've been here longer. Give it some time," his teammate cut in, blue eyes finding yours with a wink. You sighed, your gaze dropping from his to settle on the little patch fixed to his tactical vest, the word 'HORROR' embroidered in a neat white font.
That's the other thing that bothered you about Cerulli's teaching methods. Everyone else had a callsign they went by, except for the new recruits who came in. Everybody here at the table had one, 'HORROR', 'SACHETTI', 'SKIEZ', even one with the more normal callsign of simply 'JUSTIN'.
Everybody had a designated name, a sign of place here, a sign that they were acknowledged, respected, valid. But you'd come to discover that here, as a part of this team and this base, titles didn't come easily. You had to fucking earn them.
Every new recruit before you had earned theirs, they had fought and trained to claw their way into the system, they had fucking earned their place here. Cerulli had told you so, himself.
But you?
You were still the fresh, shiny new rookie who everyone assumed knew nothing because you were young, you were small, you had only been here a week...
You'd be lying to yourself if you said it didn't sting a little, the way everyone seemed to view you here. Sure, the teammates sitting here at the table had treated you fairly enough, but everyone else? If you weren't bearing a callsign and a knowledge of how to defend yourself, you weren't worth their time...
"Hey."
Horror's voice cut into your thoughts, making your gaze snap up to meet his.
"I know it might seem like he's riding you a little too hard right now, but... I promise, his heart's in the right place. Give him a chance, out of everyone here, he's your best shot when it comes to training. You didn't hear this from me and if you ever repeat it, I'll kick your ass, rookie... but I would trust Cerulli with my life, more than I'd trust myself."
"We all would," Vinny cut in, both of his teammates beside him nodding in agreement.
"Give him some time. He might seem like a dick, but his methods work," Justin agreed, offering you a light half-smile.
You stared down at the tabletop for a second, not really seeing it as you contemplated what they told you, turning it over in your mind.
You knew what you should do. It wasn't what you wanted to do, by any means. But if what they told you was true, then... maybe it needed to be done.
Maybe you should gather up what was left of your dignity and go crawling back to Cerulli to apologize. Or, at the very least, to see if he'd give you a second chance at training.
You could be the bigger person here, right? Take all of his teachings with a grain of salt, so to speak?
Ugh...
With a groan, you shoved your plate of food away from you, resting your head facedown atop your crossed arms.
"I know, I know. But I'm telling you... if you give him a chance and show him that you actually have a desire to learn? It'll be the best decision you've ever made, rookie," Horror said, his tone laced with amusement.
Would it though?
With another quiet grumble, you slowly lifted your head, exchanging a glance with Vinny, who grinned. "Want me to let him know you're heading down there?"
You immediately shook your head at him, a grimace marring your features. "No, please don't. It's embarrassing enough that I have to go back and apologize to him..."
"Then do us a favor and kick his ass, I guess? It'd be kind of satisfying to know Chris had his ass handed to him by our newest recruit," Horror grinned.
Hmm... that was a rather tempting thought... to take everything Cerulli taught you and really give it back to him...
"Alright, fine. Deal," you agreed, getting up from the table. "Oh and... thanks, Horror. I kind of needed that, I guess," you added softly.
Shrugging, he gave you a light mock-salute in response.
"Sure. And, from now on... no Horror. Only Ricky."
Nodding, you bade your teammates farewell before slinking out of the mess hall, determined to find Cerulli and make good on your promise.
You only hoped he'd actually give you a second chance and not let it go to his head...
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"Have Jensen work with you more on it tomorrow, your aim's a little off. Go get some rest."
Chris watched one of the recruits he'd been training retreat into the distance, the smell of smoke and polishing oil still heavy in the air on the rifle range.
And then something caught his eye.
Or rather, someone.
Your figure gradually became more detailed as you approached, and Chris internally groaned.
If you were here to give him more shit and another lovely 'Fuck you', he wasn't having it...
But the look on your face told a different story. Your brows were drawn together in worry, any traces of your usual anger and frustration gone, a look of nervousness in place.
He waited until you were about four feet away from him before he spoke up, his voice cold.
"If you're here to train, go ask someone else."
But your response surprised him a little, catching him off guard.
"I actually came to apologize..."
You... come again??
"What-" he began, but you cut him off with a shake of your head.
"No, let me finish. I, um... I talked to Horror, er, I mean Ricky. I talked to Ricky and the others, and... and they told me to come back here and give you another chance. I... I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry."
Huh. Leave it to Rick to sort things out behind the scenes, ever the peacemaker as always....
Silence settled between the two of you for a moment, before Chris spoke up.
"Why?"
That one word lingered there in the air, and your brows furrowed in confusion. "Why, what? Why... am I sorry, or...?" you asked, trailing off.
"No. Why did you give up on me? Why the fuck'd you decide you were done?"
"I..." your voice faltered for a moment, your gaze dropping to stare down at the grassy field, and Chris watched as you frowned, digging the toe of your boot into the grass.
Fourteen.
Fourteen times.
It was a habit he'd noticed you had, whenever you were uncertain or anxious. Not every recruit had little tics or habits they'd pick up, but the few that did? Chris noticed.
He always noticed, especially more so when it came to you.
Fourteen times this past week that you'd been here, fourteen times he'd seen you dig the toe of your boot into whatever surface you were standing on, your hands and fingers fidgeting either in front of you or at your sides.
Fourteen times he'd stopped to watch you, his attention utterly fucking captivated by you.
Slowly, he took one step towards you, followed by another, and still another, until he was a mere foot away from you.
"Is it because you don't think you're good enough? You don't think you have what it takes, or what?" he asked softly, trying to keep his tone gentle.
The way you avoided his gaze immediately after he asked the question told him everything he needed to know.
"Do you really think you're not worthy of a place here? Is that it?" he continued, the mounting tension in the air becoming more palpable.
Almost an entire minute or two went by without you answering him, and he started to repeat the question until you finally did answer him, your voice surprisingly strained and sounding on the verge of breaking.
"No."
You didn't have to specify for him to know what that single word meant.
He could feel it, could see the way you thought of yourself as you stood here in front of him.
And for some reason, he didn't like it.
He hated it.
He hated the newfound knowledge of how you saw yourself, how it seemed everyone else had been seeing you, since the day you'd arrived.
You really didn't think you were worthy of a place here, did you? The thought that he himself might have been a contributing factor in that made him feel sick.
Fuck... if he'd stopped for just a second to try and see things your way, see how it felt to be an outsider-
But he did know how it felt.
Memories of his first week as a frightened, inexperienced new recruit flashed through his mind, images of a young, dark-haired boy who had no clue what the fuck he was doing...
Chris swallowed hard, his gaze locked on you as he spoke up, his voice barely above a whisper.
"You... deserve to be here. You know that, don't you?"
"Do I?"
Your immediate response, the way you mumbled the question without even bothering to look at him, it made his insides feel sick.
And he'd been hard on you today...
Granted, he was hard on everyone who fell under his guidance, but... you were different.
More fragile and feeling and human than the others, you had caught his attention almost right away.
And when they'd insisted he be the one to train you-
Holy fuck.
He'd figured it out.
The sudden realization had him internally reeling, absolutely losing it.
He'd been harder on you than the others because... he cared more.
He cared almost too much, surely more than what was appropriate, right?
Fuck...
Swallowing hard, he reached out towards you for a second, his hand lingering there in the space between you, before he let it fall back to his side.
Steeling himself to avoid the tears he could feel burning at the edge of his vision, he gritted his teeth, before gesturing to his left, the movement finally capturing your attention.
"Headphones. Weapon. Now."
Your eyes widened for a moment, your voice faltering as you spoke.
"What are you-"
He cut you off midsentence, his tone hardening, though his gaze remained soft as he stared down at you.
"I'm training you."
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"I'm training you."
The words hit you like a punch to the gut, catching you off guard and making your breath hitch in your throat.
You'd come out here to apologize, expecting him to turn you away with a refusal of said apology, and instead... he was giving you a second chance?
Swallowing hard, you slowly turned and grabbed a set of the soundproof headphones out of the box nearby, plugging one end of the attached cord into the wireless comm pack, the other end connecting to the headphones themselves, before tucking the comm pack into the front pocket of your tactical vest.
You watched as Lieutenant Cerulli did the same, reaching up with one inked hand to turn on the comm link and adjust the mic, and after doing the same, you could hear his voice come through the speakers.
"Weapon, now."
Without a word, you followed his order, grabbing one of the rifles propped up nearby, the weight of the weapon seeming almost too heavy and unfamiliar in your hands.
You weren't scheduled for rifle range practice until at least a week or two from now, surely he had to have known that...?
Upon telling him so, Cerulli shrugged, casting you a sideways glance before gesturing towards the targets out in the distance.
"Doesn't matter. I'm teaching you now. And I expect you to be willing to learn. I also expect you to hit at least one of those."
You followed his gaze, staring out at the targets sitting on the grassy field. From here, they looked to be at least a mile or more away, surely too far to even graze with a bullet, right?
No, no... you were determined to get this.
This morning's practice may have gone terribly, but that didn't mean this one would.
Taking a deep cleansing breath, you moved to stand where he wanted you, lifting the weapon in your hands.
And almost immediately, Cerulli's voice came through the speakers.
"No. Your stance is off. Here, look."
You felt one of his legs nudge yours apart, correcting your stance, before an inked hand came into view, reaching forward to adjust the position of the rifle in your hands.
"Look through the little lens, until you have the center of the target in your crosshairs. And when you pull that trigger, keep as tight a grip as you can, because there's gonna be some kickback from the rifle. It'll knock you on your fucking ass if you're not paying attention."
You nodded, taking another deep breath before doing as he said, looking through the lens. From here, that target looked so fucking tiny, nearly impossible to hit.
"I can't do this-" you started.
"Yes, you can. You can and you will."
Cerulli's voice was quiet in your ears, his tone gentle, and you could feel the close proximity of him behind you as he reached forward to make a slight adjustment to the rifle again, his fingers brushing briefly across yours before he let go.
"I want you to focus, and really try for me. You can do this, I know you can. Stop second guessing yourself, Y/N..."
His touch, combined with the use of your actual name, instead of his usual 'rookie' pet name for you, sent electric tingles down your spine, your heart stumbling over itself within the confines of your ribcage.
Your throat suddenly felt tight, your mind racing as you tried desperately to remember what he'd told you, how to correctly aim and fire.
Swallowing nervously, you looked through the lens again, taking a deep breath and curling your finger around the trigger. A mere second passed before you brought that finger down a little tighter, squeezing the trigger.
Even with the protective headphones, you could still hear the bullet as it left the chamber, could smell the scent of gunsmoke and oil as it left its home. And Cerulli had been right, there was indeed some kickback from the rifle.
But you dug the heels of your boots into the ground, trying to stay firmly in place. Still, you stumbled backwards a little, your back meeting Cerulli's chest, his hands instantly coming up to your shoulders to steady you.
"Good, but your aim was a little off, I want you to try again."
His tone was far less harsh than it had been this morning, his whole demeanor vastly different.
A part of you wanted to look back, to see if the heat you felt gathering in your cheeks would be reflected in those brown eyes of his.
But the bigger part of you insisted on staying focused, on seeing your training through.
Steeling yourself, you cast a brief glance out towards the target in the distance. He was right, your aim was more than a little off.
You could see from here the impact left by the bullet, the mark nowhere close to the center.
Looking through the lens to correct your aim, you took a deep steadying breath before pulling and releasing the trigger again, preparing yourself for the anticipated kickback.
It came a little easier this time, your weight being distributed a bit more evenly in order to keep your feet firmly on the ground.
And when you glanced out at the target, you found yourself a little too satisfied that the mark had hit a bit closer to home this time.
"Again," came Cerulli's velvet voice in your ears, his presence behind you more noticeable as he took one half-step closer to you.
Trying your hardest to ignore the sudden distraction, you nodded, taking aim before firing again, the crack of the bullet loud in the late afternoon air. You watched the target, taking note of how much closer the bullet had hit.
"Slight improvement, Y/N. Again, one more time."
You shifted your weight a little, taking aim one last time, making sure the target was dead center in the crosshairs before you pulled the trigger, the bullet leaving its mark just a touch away from the center of the target, this time.
You dared to glance over your shoulder for a brief moment, and when your eyes met his, your breath trembled as it left your slightly parted lips. The look in his eyes, on his face, it was the only time you'd ever seen him look even remotely... proud...
The longer you kept your eyes locked on his, the more you noticed the way his irises seemed to darken, one corner of his mouth twitching into what looked like a smirk before it was gone.
"So...?" you asked, your voice coming out in a breathless whisper. You nervously cleared your throat before continuing. "How'd I do...?"
Cerulli's response came in an instant, his voice low and hoarse as he kept his eyes fixed on you.
"Good- good fucking job, Y/N..."
You barely had time to crack the tiniest of smiles before Cerulli was holding up a finger towards you, reaching with his other hand to unholster the handgun he kept at his side at all times.
With a slight tremble, he reached out with one inked hand to pass the sleek black weapon to you, waiting for you to take it.
"I want to try something new with you..."
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"I want to try something new with you..."
The words left his mouth before even he knew what was happening, what he was doing.
But to his surprise, you wordlessly set aside the rifle, taking the smaller weapon from his hand and immediately settling back into your previous stance, your feet firmly planted on the ground, though your gaze never left his for a second.
"Like this?"
Your voice reached his ears through the speakers, your tone soft and tentative, a vast change from the fiery attitude you'd displayed for him this morning.
He nodded, swallowing hard past the new, unfamiliar emotions building up within himself.
His throat suddenly felt dry, his palms unusually slick with sweat, and why the fuck was his heart stuttering every so often instead of beating like it was supposed to-
Oh.
Oh.
Well, fuck.
His eyes widened momentarily before he fought to quickly regain his composure, moving to stand behind you.
Reaching up with one hand, he tried hard to focus on helping you adjust your grip on the handgun, instead of focusing on how he could feel the warmth of your back against his chest, or the way you smelled faintly of strawberries and something slightly floral, was that... roses?
His jaw tensing a little, Chris leaned back, his hand slipping from yours, though his fingers lingered just a moment longer than necessary, as he watched you.
"S-same thing as before. Take aim, and... well, you know."
"Fire," came your response, a hint of sudden amusement in your voice. He nodded, unable to keep one corner of his mouth from lifting in a brief smirk.
"Exactly."
He watched as you stood there, inhaling for a second before letting it go, pulling the trigger, the crack of the bullet leaving its chamber a satisfying sound to his ears.
And when he looked out in the distance and saw how close you'd come to hitting that target dead fucking center...
You were a quick learner, once you got out of your own head and stopped being so stubborn. He could see it now, anyone could.
Hell, if you'd let him, he could probably shape you into one of the best recruits he'd ever taught, turn you into an absolute powerhouse of a soldier, maybe even help you earn Ghost status on TF141, a position that was highly strived for and sought after by many, but earned by so very few.
You didn't even have your callsign yet, you hadn't quite earned it yet. But by the time he was done with you...
'Bet you could have her coming undone for you...' the sudden errant thought slipped unbidden into his head before he could stop it, and he could feel the heat rush to his face.
Fuck, he needed to quit thinking like that, he knew it was wrong, it was so fucking wrong, and besides, would you even feel the same way he did-?
The sharp crack of another bullet leaving the chamber snapped him out of his thoughts, and he watched in shock as this time, finally--
Holy fuck.
It hit dead center in that target.
He stood there, his eyes widening, mouth slightly open in surprise as you immediately turned around, the biggest grin on your face.
"Bam. Dead center!"
The excitement in your voice was all too infectious, and he found himself starting to smile, a sense of newfound pride for you welling up inside him.
And when you locked eyes with him, giving him a wink and another excited little smile, something inside himself clicked into place, the decision made before he could stop it.
So it was just like that, all too suddenly, without practically any warning, that he was leaning down towards you, moving his and your mics out of the way, his mouth finding yours in the briefest of kisses, and oh fuck, what the fuck was he doing, what if you didn't-
But then there you were, yet again catching him off guard today, kissing him back, your mouth soft and yielding against his, your body arching into his touch, the handgun slipping from your fingers to land in the grass at his feet, your hand reaching up to tangle in his hair, tugging softly-
Fuck, you were like heaven to him-!
The softest of groans left his throat, and he could've sworn he heard his name fall from your lips for a moment, before the two of you finally parted, standing there staring at each other, breath coming out in quiet gasps.
He could see the heat flooding your cheeks, could feel the warmth coming from you, took notice of the way your eyes darkened with barely concealed desire.
So it wasn't just him, then.
You could feel it, too...?
Almost like you could hear his unspoken question, you gave a slight nod, your breath coming out in soft pants before you spoke.
"That was... um, yeah. Fuck. Wow."
It wasn't enough, hearing your voice filtered in through the speakers, Chris needed to hear it in person. Reaching up to shut off the comm link on his headphones, he tugged them off, watching as you did the same, discarding them back in their bin, before retrieving his weapon from the grass and reholstering it.
"You, uh... job well done today, Y/N," he said, awkwardly extending a hand out towards you. You eyed it dubiously, not shaking it and instead raising a brow at him as you gave him a confused look.
"We're back to formalities now...?"
The way you asked the question, the slight tinge of poorly concealed hurt starting to reflect there in your eyes, Chris didn't like it.
"I- you-" he scrambled to try and find a proper response, not wanting to leave you hanging. "We... we can't do that again-" the words seemed to tumble from his mouth, one right after the other.
And the injured look on your face, the way you swallowed hard, your eyes taking on a glassy look before you quickly blinked, hoping he wouldn't see-
Fuck. It was a lie, and he knew it. He couldn't do that to you, couldn't lie to you like this, it wasn't fair to you.
"I- Y/N, sweetheart, look at me. I... can't be the reason they make you leave. Because they will. And... and you won't get your callsign, you-"
"I don't care."
You cut him off midsentence, those three words giving him pause.
"You- what?"
You repeated those three words, your gaze hardening as you stared up at him, your resolve never wavering even as your eyes remained on the verge of swimming with unshed tears.
"I... I think maybe I thought, if I hated you enough, it wouldn't matter how I felt about you. I thought maybe if I didn't let myself care enough, it wouldn't fucking matter someday, if we were out in the field together and one of us went missing. It wouldn't... hurt as much.
"And... and I know that's not an excuse for why I was probably one of the brattiest recruits you've ever had, and I know it probably doesn't make it any better, or any easier-"
"Stop," Chris cut you off mid-rant, his voice on the verge of breaking.
So that's why you had been so difficult to work with during your first few weeks here.
It wasn't because you hated him, not truly.
It was the exact opposite.
It was because you... cared too much for him?
"I'm sorry, I should've told you sooner, I... you made it too easy to hate you and I... I didn't like the idea of becoming too attached, of caring too much, of..." your voice trailed off at the end, your gaze dropping to stare down at the grass.
And then you did the one thing he'd gotten so used to noticing, one of the many things about you that he found a little too endearing.
You nervously dug the toe of your boot into the grass, your fingers fidgeting in front of you.
"Of what?" Chris asked softly, urging you to continue.
And your next words nearly broke him.
"Of falling in love with you."
Brown eyes widening, Chris took a step towards you, taking both of your hands in his, and giving them a gentle squeeze.
"Hey, look at me. I..." he broke off with a gentle sigh before continuing, "it's not that I don't want this, I promise you, I do. There's so many things about you, tiny little things that other people don't notice, that I find adorable and endearing and- Y/N, sweetheart.
"I... I think maybe I might be falling for you too. But as badly as I want this to work, I also want to see you come out of this as part of our team, I want so many things for you. I want you to be able to have your own callsign to go by, I want to see you leave my care as one of the best recruits this place has ever had, I want..."
He trailed off, his thoughts racing at a million miles an hour. What was it exactly that he wanted, more than anything else, more than he'd ever wanted anything?
The answer was both simple, and at the same time, not simple.
He wanted you.
"What, what do you want?"
He pulled you into a tight hug, burying his face in the crook of your neck, his words coming out mumbled and broken.
"I want you."
"So have me..."
Your response, the way you said it, the way you moved to gently card your fingers through his hair, almost as a semblance of trying to comfort him, he wasn't expecting any of it.
Lifting his head to gaze down at you, he swallowed thickly past the raw emotion he could feel building up inside.
"But it's not that simple, Y/N-"
"Okay, and the life I've chosen here, with you and everyone else, isn't simple either. But... maybe we can figure it out... together..?"
Your voice held so much conviction, your tone determined, your demeanor suggesting you weren't about to back down. It reminded him so much of your first week here, of how training this morning had gone.
You'd been so defiant, determined then, too.
You were really pushing for this to work out, weren't you? He had to admire your tenacity...
With a soft sigh, he met your gaze, silently pleading with you. "What if this doesn't work-?"
You cut him off midsentence, taking the lead for once and standing up on your tiptoes to capture his mouth in the softest, gentlest of kisses, both of your hands briefly moving to cup his face between them, the gesture utterly pure and wholesome.
When you pulled back to look up at him, he wasn't surprised to see that same conviction had settled there in your eyes, one corner of your mouth lifting in a wry smile.
"Then we keep trying until it does work? Just like my training?" you whispered.
He couldn't help the laugh that slipped free from his lips; the comparison was too perfect. But maybe you were right...
Maybe if the two of you kept trying, eventually things would work themselves out...
He just had to try.
"Okay," he sighed softly, taking your hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze.
"Is... is that a yes, or...?" you asked, casting a tentative sideways glance up at him, and he nodded, trying not to laugh at the way you were failing to hide the sly smile on your face.
"It's a yes, rookie..."
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🥀 SIX MONTHS LATER 🥀
"And it is with the highest, greatest honor, that we present this new recruit with their place on our team, here as a part of Taskforce 141. With many months of training and guidance under the care of our own Lieutenant Christopher Cerulli, this recruit has proven themselves beyond the highest measure.
"It is with much respect that we announce to you all how proud we are to acknowledge the new addition to our team."
Horror and his teammates sat there in the audience, his blue eyes fixed on the scene before him and everyone else, on the small recruit standing up there on that stage, with the tall Lieutenant standing proudly beside her.
And it was with the greatest sense of pride and love that he sat there, watching as you finally, finally got the one thing you'd been wanting since you first joined their base: to be a part of their team, to just belong.
Chris had been right about you from the beginning; with more training and devotion and care, you would indeed grow to be one of the sharpest recruits they'd turned out in a long time. He'd also noticed the way your relationship with his best friend had blossomed, how close you and Chris had gotten over these past six months.
Vin and everyone else had made cracks about it, that they'd known all along something was going on between you and Chris, it had just been a matter of time. He knew better than that though, the dynamic you and his best friend had, it went so much deeper than that.
Anyone could see it if they looked hard enough, really. He could see it.
The way Chris stood there, his hand clasped tightly in yours, the proud Lieutenant and his newest recruit, one bearing the familiar patch with the callsign 'MOTIONLESS' embroidered in pristine white letters... and the other bearing a callsign of her own, 'GREMLIN'.
Horror couldn't help but smile at the slight irony as he sat there; how fitting the name was for you. Tiny recruit, sure, but full of fiery passion... with a knack of never backing down, always ready to go head to head with anyone on their best day, or even their worst day...
"Welcome to the team, rookie... you made it."
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💀 TAGLIST: @synthetic-wasp-570 @nixwolfe @th4t-em0-k1d @tearfallpixie @ladyveronikawrites @nerdraging4point0 @thesazzb @circle-with-me @motionlessomens @thatchickwiththecamera @skulliecadaver-blog @embracethereaper42 @talialovesmiw @bxrnthyfears @cookiesupplier @bobateaandchocolatepudding @somewhere-diamond @beaker1636 @ciginatree
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bloodfiresandabram · 20 hours
Text
me: posts a snippet of the fic i started
me: doesn't do anything else for like a month
anyway, hey, here's another snippet because me giving in to the urge to write fics for aftg (and probably also tsc once i read it) has made me borderline feral with the need to write, write, and keep writing
Neil doesn’t mention his mother very often, not even to Andrew. Even thinking about her leaves him feeling conflicted, and while he can logically tell himself that Andrew’s distaste towards Mary is based on violent truth, whenever someone else points it out it becomes difficult to swallow down his urge to get defensive. If he’s being honest with himself, he can’t decide how he feels about her anymore. There’s a concoction of emotions that always swirl together in his head in a way, leaving him dizzy and disoriented.
He knows that Bee is aware of Mary because he knows that Andrew and Aaron have talked about Mary during their joint sessions. He knows this because Andrew had asked if he could bring her up, making it very clear that he wouldn’t give any details that Neil wasn’t okay with, but also making it clear that Aaron would likely lose some of his continuous animosity towards Neil if he knew something that he could relate to. “And what better for you to bond over,” Andrew had drawled with falsified disinterest, “than abusive mothers who died in cars.” Neil hadn’t flinched back at those words, but Andrew was looking at him intently like he was expecting it anyway. When Neil gave him blanket permission, he cocked a bro  but didn’t bring it up again.
A few weeks later Aaron approached Neil between classes, looking disgruntled and reluctant and kind of annoyed, but he huffed a sigh and crossed his arms over his chest defensively and leveled Neil with a look that wasn’t completely scathing. “Your mom,” he said, then stopped, grimacing to himself as Neil looked at him curiously, making himself stay quiet and patient, something he often isn’t. Eventually Aaron managed to string his words together, though it was obvious that he was gritting his teeth as he spoke. “She wasn’t good to you,” he said. “But you loved her, right? And maybe you still do, but you feel like you shouldn’t?”
Neil had faltered at those words. “She kept me alive,” he said slowly.
“But maybe that wasn’t good enough,” Aaron replied.
The topic wasn’t funny, but Neil huffed out a laugh anyway. “Maybe,” he agreed.
Aaron had looked at him a moment longer, brows pinched together. Then, without another word, Aaron spun around on his heel and walked away. Neither of them have broached the topic again, and Neil has no plans to do so anytime soon, but Aaron has been a little bit less hostile towards him ever since.
fic is currently at 14k words (but this snippet is from the first 3k). i will probably post more snippets as i write it and eventually, at some point, actually finish it and then post the fucking thing o7
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unnervinglyferal · 2 days
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Lost my shit at the grocery store today. Baby's first trip outside without her mother, me and her great-grandma took the baby along to get groceries to give my girlfriend a break and some peaceful alone time. So I had the baby in the stroller right next to me at the store, picked up a jar of sauce from the shelf and tried to read through the ingredient list to see if it's kosher enough. The stroller was in my blind spot for maybe five fucking seconds. And I look up and some old hag has her entire fucking head in there, reaching for the baby.
And I don't fucking have strangers touching my fucking child.
So I told her to get the fuck out of there and I'll be honest I was not fucking nice about it. Immediately she started wailing that she's never done anything wrong in her life and that she wasn't even doing anything, and didn't seem to register that lying right at my face wasn't helping shit. And since we were both yelling, that startled the baby and she started crying too.
Security guy showed up to see what the fuck this is about and the old hag kept wailing on top of me about how nobody has ever been this cruel to her, while I was trying to explain that this bitch shoved her whole fucking head in my child's stroller, and the baby was still sceaming too so obviously he couldn't make sense of any of it. When I reached for the stroller to pick my daughter up to calm her down, the security guy took half a step and raised his hand like he had wanted to stop me. If he had put that hand on my shoulder like he meant to, I swear to G-d I would've fucking bit him.
My girlfriend's great-grandma had apparently heard the cacophony as soon as the security had, but being 84 it took her a bit longer to reach us. Fortunately she apparently knows this bitch and got her to calm down and shut the fuck up for long enough to explain to the security guy that she knows me, the stroller is ours and the baby is mine, and this aquaintance of hers has a habit of sticking her head into places it doesn't fucking belong.
The security guy looked a bit incredulous about the baby being mine, but dropped the smug look as soon as I got to pick my baby up from the stroller and he had a proper look at her. My daughter's eyes have started getting darker and her baby hair is growing in dark and curly. White finns' babies don't look like that. Even if he hadn't believed that this is my daughter, he'd have no foothold to dispute it. The old hag started lamenting again about what an unfair injustice it was to be so rude and mean to her.
The security guy looked both at me and the hag who had harassed us and told us both to stay away from each other for the rest of our respective errands or he'll have to remove us both. She started again with the complaint that she hadn't done anything wrong, at which point my girlfriend's great-grandma interrupted her, telling her to shut the fuck up - if she keeps walking up to strangers' dogs and kids like that, obviously it's just a matter of time before someone bites her.
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venuslcver · 3 days
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HIGH BY THE BEACH ⋆
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pairing: boyfriend!pope x carefreekook!reader
synopsis: your boyfriend, pope, and you had been together for a while when he changes his mind about not going to college.
tw: fluff, implied sex, profanity (no use of y/n)
any type of interaction including likes, comments, and reblogs is appreciated! but ultimately not necessary. let me know if im missing any warnings!
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“ok, baby! which one should i wear? this one or thissss one?” you questioned pope, holding two of your swimsuits in a display manner. one was a lilac-colored string bikini, the other being a cheeky, polka-dot one-piece.
you could never make a final decision for the life of you, only leaving it up to pope for his opinion. though, pope had known you long enough to know, whichever item you tend to show last was the option you had in mind. hell — most of the time you don’t even know that you prefer one option more than the others.
you wanted to wear the left one, pope concluded. no matter if it was clothing, makeup, nail color, or decor-related. not actually having input into the choices, he usually would just coax the answer out of you. it made it easier on him, besides he didn't give a fuck what you wore, because well... he would still find you beautiful dressed as the grinch. which you did a couple halloweens previously.
“uh… i don’t know — which one is more comfortable?” he asked, putting you on the spot, hoping to get an honest answer out of you.
clicking your tongue to the roof of your mouth in deep thought — lifting each and inspecting it. trying to remember if it was uncomfortable or not the last time you wore it.
“well i… mean. huh. why is this so hard?” you said truly debating both options. making your final answer, “i would probably go with the right one being more comfortable”
“probably… and i’m just sayin’ this as a thought…maybe it’s hard because you have too many swimsuits”
letting out an obnoxiously high-pitched scoff, you halted your attention from the bathing suit debacle to pope, who was leisurely laid back on your rope hammock swing that you had in your room. you never took kindly to anyone, including pope, criticizing your inability to get rid of things, especially your bathing suits.
“firstly, i don’t have too many swimsuits, and one could never have too many of them. secondly, even if i did — how could that possibly affect my ability to pick a swimsuit?”
awkwardly looking at you, pope reluctantly replied, ��you can’t keep up with all of them, making you not even remember the last time you wore them… and the last time you chose the right one, you were complain’n the entire time”
ignoring his truthful statement altogether, you thought for a moment. he was right. the previous time, you ended up bitch’n the whole time about having to hold the straps of the one piece to avoid flashing innocent bystanders on the beach. which was the worst, considering the excitement that you experienced when in the water. flailing around without a care in the world.
a light switched when you came to this realization, noticing that you were rather harsh with your poor boyfriend, who did not deserve that in the slightest.
“oh my god! you are right!”, you said squealing, right into hugging pope’s sitting body.
taking his face into your hands, before hugging him again, “i’m so sorry baby! you know i didn’t mean that, right?”
staying firm in the hug, while he pulled himself out of the hammock, “yeah, yeah i know you didn’t mean it.”, pope said brushing your rudeness off. you and him rarely argued, and if you did, you were talking within the next half hour, easily.
looking up at him with doe eyes, and an innocent cast appearing on your profile. an all-knowing look that pope was very familiar with. one of the ways that pope and you were able to get over any kind of tiff was by admitting to being wrong and taking the proper steps to apologize.
for example, this one time pope got all panicked at the future and started freaking the fuck out. which led him to harboring that he was in the wrong and mishandled the situation at hand. before slipping his hand into you. well... two fingers but either way! pope was giving in that way, regularly lending a helping hand to you when in need. it wasn't an obligation as much as a want. you and pope were alike in that way. always willing to put others first.
"c-can i make it up to you?"
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sooner than later making it to the intended place of hanging out, the local beach on the outer banks. looking into the surrounding area in your eyesight, the beach was practically empty. a lot of spring-breakers had vacated the week before. having access to almost a completely bare beach.
you helped pope set up on the beach, before laying horizontally on his vertically propped-up body.
pressing a kiss on the crown of your head, that was in his lap. when he did the leaning down motion, you pushed the pineapple in your hand, to his lips. silently urging him to take a bite. to which he did.
immediately snickering when it ran down his face, halting laughter when it dripped onto yours. lucky that the acidic fruit juices didn't collect in your eyes. either way, pope was quick to wipe it off your face.
oftentimes, pope and you were silent when hanging out. you wouldn't per say it was a con, because it was due to being around each other every second, when not at work. though, when pope's dad, heyward, was short-staffed, you would offer a lending hand. taking a couple shifts, with pope. even, visiting each other at work.
along with packing an array of fruits to snack on, you also brought a weed. one of the conversations you had meant to bring up was the future.
pope was wicked smart, at least, school-wise. his choice of friends was questionable. and as much as you love your shared friends— they tend to be dumbasses. pulling pope down to their level. to which, a couple foul decisions led pope to not attend college— as he previously intended.
one late night, he admitted that he felt like "all the work he put in was sliding down the drain". which riddled you with resentment towards your friends. not that you cared what pope did. only that he was happy— which he wasn't at all for a passing time.
"pope? can i ask you something?"
"yeah— what's up?"
"d-do you have any idea what you want?"
"what i want?", pope asked, not understanding the question at hand.
"want for the future?"
looking at you bewildered, pope had no idea where the loaded question came from.
"uh — besides being with you, i have no clue.", a tinge of sadness rolled off his tongue.
grinning at his, rather, romantic proclamation, "o-ok, well, um i was expecting a little bit more of an answer, b-but that works for me"
"i-i'm worried... like really worried", he admitted.
coming off your high, out of your own fantasy land— that was induced by his heartfelt statement, "why?!"
still supporting his weight with one arm, he took the other and rubbed his face, "why shouldn't i be? i-i mean i was going to go to college, b-but now I'm just working at my dad's restaurant"
pope tended to self-destruct when his fears kicked in, sending him into overdrive. sitting up, looking at him directly in the face, "h-hey don't say that! one, you know that your dad would not keep you unless you were working your ass off! you're like the smartest person i know, out of anyone in outer banks, or hell, anywhere! a-and we'll figure it out."
set on helping understand that he and you would be good, you pulled a small baggie out of your beach bag, "ok?"
"o-okay"
"now, let's get high. and forget about everything, ever."
although he wasn't completely sure, he knew that you would stay by him, meaning he would be completely fine. if the world ended that day, he wouldn't have cared as long as he had you. well, and he would prefer if he had the other pogues and his parents.
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