#but this kind of hit me

[drac-kool-aid]

Seward's bone deep desire to run away from the asylum is not exactly surprising. There have been a lot of really good meta posts about how the return of Van Helsing into his life is the turning point where we see the caring and good side of him and how we can interpret his life as a student in Amersterdam as one of freedom and happiness. How he is part of the tragedy of manners, how strict social expectations allow Dracula to persist, and how they only exacerbate the unhappiness of the characters.

And I think the tragedy of Seward is that, really, he should not be the head of an asylum. It's a job that brings him no joy, and he's BAD at it. We can all recognize that if your first reaction to going back to work is "What if I just leave it all." That isn't a healthy work environment.

Now, in the modern day, the ability to pick and choose a work environment, even to leave one that is damaging your mental health, is a privilege. (IT SHOULDNT BE, but it is). And, although it is definitely reaching crisis levels in modern times, major changes in your career have almost always been difficult (unless you are really rich, or a particular brand of academic in the 17th-18th century, or both).

Seward can't just leave and become a surgeon. To give up the lofty position of "Head of an Asylum" would be unthinkable in the 1890s, especially for a reason like "Being here is basically turning me into the Joker." Like, how would Seward explain that in polite society? Would they accept that reasoning? Would they create salacious gossip if they didn't? Can Seward leave his position without losing a great amount of social capital?

Probably not.

His rise to head of an asylum, as many have pointed out, was meteoric, to say the least. It has afforded him status and respect and also left him deeply, deeply fucked up. And he can't leave!

I think his desperate attempts to quantify Renfield's behaviors into a new mental illness are telling in this regard. Maybe he is too used to having to meet some sort of expectation, and now he thinks this is the logical next step (It's NOT, but I digress). The feeling of having to keep performing above expectations, grasping at straws to do so, and subsequently burning oneself out (as well as others around you) and engaging in unethical practices? Idk. It sounds like something that would happen today. (tbh there are probably a ton of Sewards out there today, as there are still systemic problems within the mental health system that allow for the dehumanizing and abuse of patients).

It doesn't excuse his behavior. Nothing he does to Renfield is excusable, but I think it does explain some of the *why*. He isn't just cruel for cruelty's sake.

So, tldr I guess: I think reading Seward as someone who got stuck on a career path that he realized was unfufilling and that he ends up hating. Social conventions restrict him from just quitting without and a (socially acceptable) good reason to do so, and a lifetime of being regarded as one of the smartest people in the room means he can not allow himself to fail. Unfortunately, this also means he can not admit when his actions or his ideas are wrong when it comes to his job.

(But he can show that uncertainty FOR Lucy, and TO Arthur and Van Helsing, which speaks his trust and love for them)

#dracula daily #jack seward #re: dracula #i think im rambling #but this kind of hit me #Jack's trapped in the asylum too in a way #only difference is his place of power allows him to take out that frustration on others #and i think it speaks VOLUMES that one of Jack's first entries was about how he regretted exacerbating Renfield just to study him #and as the sleepless nights and days filled of performing a job that he hates (and cannot bring himself to admit he hates) #as well as the depression from rejection #he stops feeling guilty

[adobe-outdesign]

there was a period of time during the early days of Neopets wherein they would redesign an older pet. in order to pick a redesign they'd offer a poll with a few different options, like this:

but during 2001—2004 they would do polls with several completely normal, similar-looking options and then one (1) just completely messed up option that they never acknowledged or explained

my personal favorite was the Gelert one

#neopets #neotag #mynci #kougra #gelert #outdesign posts things #I like the mutant gelert we got but I also kind of unironically wish that messed up design was the mutant #presumably these were joke options but you could vote on them which makes me wonder what they would've done if the gag option won #greatest hits

[stuckinapril]

I love Tumblr because nothing matters here truly. There are no influencers. Having followers doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a site where people post their sporadic thoughts and rb pretty pictures. Anyone who thinks any of this matters is woefully missing the point

#I joined tumblr for the aesthetics and now I’m here bc it’s the most low pressure social media to be on #Instagram is ppl’s highlight reel but Tumblr is where u see their pure thoughts unobstructed and I adore that #It’s very nice to have people to relate to and is def the main appeal to me but I don’t think there’s much more to it than that genuinely #Monetization on tumblr isn’t a thing and probably won’t be so it feels stupid to put more stake than necessary in it. Like you’re in the #Trenches over tumblr of all things. Embarrassing #I know chronically online people exist bc I have seen them in my or somebody else’s inbox but imagine waking up at 70 one day and the #Realization hitting u like a freight time that u wasted all ur time thinking tumblr. TUMBLR. This dying website. Has enough weight for u to #be sending anon hate or reviewing ppl’s blogs like they’re some kind of product. Brother this is licherally tumblr #I choose to laugh at this behavior than take it seriously bc absolutely no one is driving me crazy on my OWN blog. On tumblr dot com. #I refuse #I will do whatever I want forever etc

[twinstxrs]

idk if this is accurate but i’ve felt like in previous seasons riz & gorgug have been one of the inter-bad kids dynamics we’ve seen the least of & this season has been so great in that aspect. gorgug having helped make some of riz’s magic gear. riz helping gorgug with his studies. the shared birthday party. gorgug’s gift to riz being something he himself made to protect riz. riz’s gift to gorgug being something he illegally grabbed to protect gorgug. gorgug who utilizes rage to put his body on the line for his friends & riz who will take deep levels of mental stress for his friends. even though it was within the context of a joke, riz calling gorgug an “absolute sweetie.” like yea they might not be in a band together or both part of a presidential campaign team or owlbears teammates, but they’d go to war for each other, because they’re best friends.

#riz gukgak #gorgug thistlespring #fantasy high #dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #these kids are all so self-sacrificing but i do think riz gorgug are the most clear (& juxtaposed) self-sacrificers #riz will mentally tear himself to pieces and get lost in cases and take on ungodly levels of stress for those he loves #gorgug will use himself as a human shield. he will take hit after hit if it means his friends are okay. #and they’d both do the other thing too. riz would let himself get hit for gorgug. gorgug would pull all nighters & take stress for riz. #even if mechanically they can’t or it wouldn’t make sense. they would if they could. #also #the starstruck barry mechanic of being a guard is so gorgug. it’s soooo gorgug like that’s literally him #anyways love this tall green guy & this short green guy so much #especially because gorgug is tall & considered intimidating but protective in a deeply kind way #while riz is short & underestimated but protective in a deeply vicious way (affectionate) #i hope this makes sense but i think riz is primarily ‘i would kill for you’ & gorgug is primarily ‘i would die for you’ maybe #this does not mean gorgug would not kill for riz or riz would not die for gorgug. they both would. #but those are the primary ways their love manifests due to the nature of their strengths/personalities. To Me #idk this is all just me saying stuff when i should be sleeping 😭 #sorry if i missed a riz gorgug moment in the main post btw i’m tired

[ionomycin]

On the final day, I come to you

#artists on tumblr #this one took forever in between work #just let myself use all my favorite colors yet again #this kind of palette... #i just like it #i want to draw more of these creatures too #not a furry not a monster fker #a secret third thing #eldritch gods hit me up #anyone else starting to feel the weight of winter? #december is rough

[classicslesbianopinions]

sorry we left your boyfriend's corpse outside the city gates. the king said if anyone buries him they're going to get put to death. yeah the birds and dogs are eating him :/

#mod felix #tagamemnon #i know the your boyfriend jokes are kind of over but this one just hit me over the head

[cinna-bunnie]

was drunk at my friend's place yesterday and her bf was given some throwing knives, played around for a bit and i still got it 🧐 that was my last push to get back into knife throwing, haven't been into it since i was 17/18 lol. i ordered these ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა

edit: if ur here from my top posts you can see me throw them here!

#throwing knives is so fun... #i do the no spin technique and he was tryna see if i was as accurate by having me move back and he was like ur scary 💀 #“you're so accurate and u don't have to calculate the distance for the spin to make it stick‚ u can just go straight for it frm anywhere” #i sure can buddy. I'm gonna get even better at it thanks 👍🏾 #briefly considered a foot long throwing spike but feel like i cannot be given that kind of destructive power #i am going to obliterate something that is an outdoors toy 💀 #i can make it stick most of the time but we drew little targets and pictures on a board and i could hit the smaller ones w mixed results #i wanna hit bullseye 🎯 #my favorite flexes from last night were the times where Id throw the second knife in the same spot as the first n knock the old one down 😈

[petrichor-moss-and-lightning]

on reckless, self-destructive devotion and the sharp edges of longing that look almost like teeth

Phoebe Bridgers, “Moon Song” // unknown // Margaret Atwood, “Speeches for Dr. Frankenstein” // quadruple dog art by @mxmorggo on Instagram // Hozier, “Take Me to Church” // STELLAR, “Reflections” // AJJ, “I Wanna Be Your Dog 2” // Mitski, “I’m Your Man” // William Shakespeare, Midsummer’s Night Dream // Tumblr user @ojibwa // Trista Mateer, from “How I Asked You to Stay,” Honeybee.

#web weaving #poetry webbing #this is not to romanticize or endorse self-destructive devotion #I’ve just been in this kind of dynamic before and these quotes hit home for me #words words words #words n quotes #word webbing #quotes #trista mateer #Phoebe Bridgers #shakespeare #Shakespeare quotes #midsummer’s night dream #Margaret Atwood #on devotion #on self-destructive devotion #poetry #words and stuff #quotes and words #quotes and poetry #webbing #word weaving #word webs #the land is inhospitable and so are we #mitski #mitski lyrics #dog motif

[taxinealkaloids]

horrible children who are. so so mean to each other

#tlt #the locked tomb #my art #precanon griddlehark dynamic is SO funny. the way they are just no-holds-barred absolutely AWFUL to each other. #the fact that harrow made fun of gideon for saying 'i love you' over her dead mother's grave so gideon nearly choked her to death #and then when gideon recalls this story in gtn she's just like 'yeah lol we were wild kids' #also remember when gideon responded to harrow being kind of bossy with 'your parents must have been so relieved to die' like #imagine saying that knowing full well her parents killed themselves in front of her when she was ten!!!! insane!! #there's no sense of going 'too far' between them. they casually hit what would be considered by most ppl to be 'too far' and then keep going #anyway i don't usually go in for characters-being-kids-together stuff but i will admit that childhood gid+harrow #following each other around absolutely terrorizing each other because they're desperate for each other's attention but also full of #hatred and vitriol #does compel me #like...2 very lonely very traumatized children with only each other for company. what will they do? ENDLESSLY TORTURE EACH OTHER!!! #and yet they are each other's emotional support person. its so good.

[mobius-m-mobius]

It's a pretty cool name.

Loki + the progression of saying Mobius' name for @percheduphere

#mobius #loki #lokius #mcuedit #lokiedit #marveledit #owen wilson #tom hiddleston #tysm for the amazing request because GOD did making this hit harder than i'd even expected?? #like it's kind of a given mobius fell first #but i've been so swamped all month i basically only had time to finish maybe a gif per night #and let me tell you watching loki progressively fall harder with each and every scene was uh. an experience all right 🙃😳 #in S1 loki's so obviously trying to keep their guard up until mobius gets pruned protecting them and it's like a switch flips #the walls come down and you see the power of being believed in the pure RELIEF mobius' presence brings #how much he's valued and needed and LOVED as loki tries to hold him close only to lose him again and again #leading to desperation building until the only option left is to sacrifice everything not realizing now they're both left wanting #y'all i'll never recover 😭 #marvel #owenwilsonedit #dianagifs

[inkskinned]

oh, i love the way relationships develop their own personal language of love. when all that joy shows the way they love you. i love when it is a little icon to who they are, to how you get along with them.

my sister takes a picture of a dead bug and sends it to me - this is you. my friend asks me how the move is going; she put a reminder in her phone to check up on me. i put a piece of ice down my friend's back, he returns the favor by holding my phone over my head and making me jump to catch it. jason and i scream-sing green day while going all of 15 miles an hour down country roads. molly is who i go to for a quiet night in with 5 dollar wine.

i go out for dinner with them and have to step outside to take a phone call; when i come back they've ordered my favorite appetizer without needing to be asked. andrew and i have a long-standing tradition of him picking me up to spike me directly into the first soft-looking surface around. i don't even need to speak to my best friend - she and i will just look at each other and have an entire conversation. burst out laughing at 3 PM, high and cackling like we're evil witches. i just moved by myself into a new city - my brother keeps introducing me to his friends that now live close to me. he always says - oh yeah, this is sibling and then pretends to ignore me. for days now, my family has been in and out of my apartment, just tinkering with things; making sure i am settling in nicely.

i usually have watermelon instead of cake for my birthday; kim forces a full yankee candle into the rind so i can have something to blow out and wish on. for 20 minutes on a saturday, all us grown adults crawl into one bed to have a cuddle puddle like we're in high school again. every 20 seconds someone starts giggling, and then we're laughing again. nick calls me from california; we both groan about the price of tickets, agonizing. miranda and i meet up in the city for the first time in years - without discussing it beforehand, the minute we lay eyes on each other, we both strike gruesome little gremlin poses instead of waving. dean always goes for the hug. joe always does a single firm handshake. sometimes i think about my friends and get so happy i just start crying.

oh, how wonderful to live in a world where affection is biologically ingrained in us. how wonderful that affection helps us build our single greatest strength - community. how wonderful that affection is our body's way of saying - thing is good, let's keep. how wonderful, this language, this skein we weave! to show the other person - i might not always say it. but i love that you live in me.

#btw the ''this is sibling'' is legitimately what he says #which is actually very sweet of him bc it's gender affirming #he does not use my name #my family addresses each other as ''sibling'' ''mother'' ''father'' and it is actually kind of cute #in a serial killer way. #idk just very in love with the languages ppl develop which aren't usual #like im a poet #i might write a poem about you #but there's something special about like ''this is my person to be spiked into the ground by'' #you know? #btw i live in boston now #please hit me up i want more friends

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

At the start of this project all I wanted was to 'learn how to draw' using comics as a medium and the MDZS audio drama as inspiration.

I've come *very* far from making simple, 3 panel black and white comics, and I truly do intend to go even further. Thank you to everyone who cheered me on throughout 2023, it has been an incredible year in so many ways I never could have imagined. I look forwards to drawing throughout 2024 B*)

#poorly drawn mdzs #art summary #It's so interesting looking back at how my style and technique changed throughout the year! #I used PD-wwx as the consistent factor (October is an exception) and you can see so many processes going on. #My little petri dish amoeba (with a little red bow to tell him apart from the other amoeba) <3 #Whether it's getting new markers or trying out a new shading style - it's cool seeing a snapshot of my journey like this B*) #There's certainly been a slower curve to my overt improvement *but* I have become so much faster! #My life outside of drawing has been hectic and at several points extremely stressful this year. For all the work this blog has been- #-It has truly been a life saving anchor when the darkest of times have hit. #Love is hard work. Change is even harder work. Sticking to a goal I set out for myself and striving to keep going was worth it. #And I love drawing. I think there has always been something in me that longed for this. And it is finally tangible! I can draw!!! #I wanted to make a more elaborate year reflection where I looked back at my favourite comics and jokes. #but I'll leave that to the one year anniversary. #I have also been collecting a ton of statistics throughout the year and I am desperate to share them. I'm that kind of nerd B*) #I can never say it enough: Thank you all for the kindness and support. I wish everyone a lovely 2024!!!

[ahhrenata]

golden hour 🌅

close up below the cut:

#for the close up I wanted to make #Eddie’s expression all sappy eyed and happy while saying I love you #maybe for the first time or maybe just because he can #and Steve’s expression soft and kind of full of happy wonder #maybe cause he hears those words for the first time and he’s wondering how he got so lucky or #or maybe with the words.. the heat.. and the light hitting eddie just right makes him fall a little bit more in love with him #but don’t ask me where they’re parked lol my brain quit #just imagine some good music playing too #windows down volume up #stranger things #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie fanart

[meaningless-mayhem]

Being asexual and possibly aromantic but also being a huge shipper and hopeless romantic is such a wild experience ngl. I'm always freaking out about my favorite ships and giggling internally reading ship fics, getting invested in characters finally kissing or reading about their pining and their love and I think "I want what they have!!"

But then sometimes you have a slamming realization that your sweet shipping scenarios you imagine in your head look totally different irl and that you are extremely aspec.

One time I went down a YouTube rabbit hole and stumbled across Vsauce's "Why Do We Kiss?" video and let me tell you. When I saw that stock video footage of two people kissing each other I was a little flabbergasted lmaooo

#i mean this doesn't apply to all aspecs obviously but like #that stock video footage #they were kissing but it was more sucking each others faces and i was like wait #do people actually do this #lmaoo #it lowkey repulsed me oops #it hit me so hard but it also kind of validated my asexuality a bit too lol #ace #asexual #asexuality #aro #aromantic #aromanticism #aroace #this also may be because i dont watch live action shows or movies that much but still #does anyone else feel like this #ill be hardcore shipping something but i see one minute of irl relationship stuff and feel extremely disconnected #idk if im making sense #id like to hear some thoughts #might delete later but just wanted to get my thoughts out there #someone's probably said something like this before #edit: adding tags #yeah for me imagination of my ships kissing 👍👍👍💖💖 #vs #footage of irl people kissing/live action kissing scenes 🫠 #fandom #fanfic #fanfiction #my rambles

[heartorbit]

i would advise against sneaking a bunch of silly billies into your castle

#project sekai #emu otori #nene kusanagi #tsukasa tenma #rui kamishiro #pjsk #proseka #prsk #polysho week 2023 #there that wasnt so bad #i hate taaaagging #Saki chortling her ass off btw. Do They Know #snailing towards drawing backgrounds properly... its helpful for my comms but im still so bad.... #My emu favoritism shines theough again in that its obvious i drew her first. Im sorry. kind of. #i dont have insane tags to put this time i have to get up for class in like 7 hours. i have a midterm. farewell.... #actually how could you put polysho week during my midterms. SICK. (ignored that i couldve used the time prompts r given in advance to draw) #ive always done this for fanweeks i try to draw on the day of like a sicko. INEED TO GONTOSLPEY #please stop following me if i check and i hit a milestone im going to feel bad. i dont look at it often enogub to cstch them when they happ #en. stop being niceys to me. #i was thinking of doing simple rqs or something... bc im grateful and it would be fun..... waugh.... #why didi stay up finishing this. my wrist hurts and im sleepy. Lord.

[sidsinning]

woes for lukanette hit me today big sigh

I'm imagining Mari talking to Jagged and Luka pops into her head and she gets all excited and asks Jagged to sign something for her boyfriend and its a guitar pick ofc bc it's his signature instrument and she even makes a cute pink cushioned box to put it in bc she's Marinette so ofc she does and really hopes he likes it and

#ml #mlb #miraculous ladybug #my girl was trying in this relationship idc what kind of forced adrien love dialogue these writers wanna hit me with #lukanette #luka couffaine #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #viperion #sidrabbles