#I will do whatever I want forever etc

[stuckinapril]

I love Tumblr because nothing matters here truly. There are no influencers. Having followers doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a site where people post their sporadic thoughts and rb pretty pictures. Anyone who thinks any of this matters is woefully missing the point

#I joined tumblr for the aesthetics and now I’m here bc it’s the most low pressure social media to be on #Instagram is ppl’s highlight reel but Tumblr is where u see their pure thoughts unobstructed and I adore that #It’s very nice to have people to relate to and is def the main appeal to me but I don’t think there’s much more to it than that genuinely #Monetization on tumblr isn’t a thing and probably won’t be so it feels stupid to put more stake than necessary in it. Like you’re in the #Trenches over tumblr of all things. Embarrassing #I know chronically online people exist bc I have seen them in my or somebody else’s inbox but imagine waking up at 70 one day and the #Realization hitting u like a freight time that u wasted all ur time thinking tumblr. TUMBLR. This dying website. Has enough weight for u to #be sending anon hate or reviewing ppl’s blogs like they’re some kind of product. Brother this is licherally tumblr #I choose to laugh at this behavior than take it seriously bc absolutely no one is driving me crazy on my OWN blog. On tumblr dot com. #I refuse #I will do whatever I want forever etc

[lesbiandardevil]

story in two parts but im posting them again together cause its funnier

my commissions are open btw hii

#to that anon whining about fat falin habe you considered i can do whatever i want forever? #anyway i love drawing them being silleyyyy like arghh theyre just hanging out ?????? like that???????? #i miss them etc #farcille #falin touden #marcille donato #laios touden #kabru of utaya #dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #my art #lesbians

[bmpmp3]

so often i'll get that sudden and wonderful urge to make comics and stories of my OCs that I can actually show people but then just as quickly that urge is dashed by various foolish reasons, and one of the most foolish of those reasons is i get. scared. about committing to stylistic choices in a webcomic or illustration

WHICH is foolish BECAUSE

you can just. change them

really gotta stop thinking about branding and shit. some people are good with that but it always just paralyzes me LOL especially because when i think about all the comics and fiction and all that i like you can see signs of stylistic choices and characterizations shifting from the original vision at the start to how it ended up because things EVOLVE that is a Normal Aspect of storytelling IT TRULY is a foolish thing to get scared by orz

#like i get so worked up about like. what if the beginning isnt as polished as the end WHICH doesnt matter #i love so many decade old webcomics that started as pencil on paper and shifted into whatever formats and styles etc #you can do anything you want forever. you dont have to decide on the perfect style right away #you can just make whatever and its probably fine LOL #i like to write stories with my ocs but they are. written by very dysgraphic hand so theyre not readable #but someday.... someday i will work up the nerve....maybe clean up and post some....maybe draw some out as shitty comics...i can do anythin

[ihavedonenothingright]

The more I see people trying to argue that the Zonai are actually the original founders of Hyrule, the more I wish TOTK never existed. Or the "oh the other games (especially OOT) are just false retellings of the "original history" which was Zonai." I genuinely can't imagine being so damn invested in the underdeveloped goat people you would rather retroactively turn your other game experiences into lies.

#I can't be the only person who thinks this line of logic is stupid #1. Nintendo doesn't care that much. They told you where BOTW was on the timeline and it's just “the end.” #2. The new games are not for the old fans. There's references! But for the love of god #It's literally a whole new audience. BOTW brought in a whole new audience #You can do whatever you want forever etc etc. #But man the more I see people praise them the more I hate the Zonai. #Also I'd like to point out that if you really wanted to place them at the beginning of the timeline #Give me a goddamn workable explanation for why the Triforce is never mentioned. Cause that was a big thing in every game before BOTW. #loz #totk #oot

[stunfiskz]

does anyone know where/if i land on the whole “romance averse -> indifferent -> favorable” thing if i really enjoy fictional romance but any real person being involved, not just me, makes me feel uncomfortable. like is that a thing or is that just me being miserable

#like it’s the thing where. #like. i feel bad but one of my irl friends talks about her boyfriend a lot and every time im like oh my god can we PLEASEEE NOT #or like. what’s making me ask is realizing that it’s like #that exact feeling is what also makes me feel viscerally uncomfortable w x readers or self ship stuff #and i feel bad because obviously there’s nothing wrong with them you can do whatever you want forever etc #but it just. ughhhh makes me feel so weird #like it’s almost like a. ‘you guys actually want this? you wouldn’t feel trapped and miserable?’ feeling #but idk. i think because i don’t feel this way about romance as a concept just with irl stuff that it’s probably just. idk #me being miserable about other people being happy or some shit #txt

[biracy]

Cannot find my older post about it (tbh I didn't try very hard) but honestly I am so tired of people trying to pretend like there's any sort of consistency to "cis women getting a nose job is evil and NOT feminist. However all transsexual surgery is Holy Holy Holy". It's truly not surprising how often people end up reblogging from like, actual tradcaths about "modern women ruining their natural feminine beauty" or whatever. I've said this all before so I don't wanna repeat myself but obviously this does not mean "you cannot critique what drives people (cis or trans) to get 'plastic surgery'" or "women's choices exist in a vacuum" (although I would roll back some of the extreme performative hatred for women who make The Bad Not Feminist Choices), but it DOES mean "stop pretending like there's any sort of actual distinction between Cis Plastic Surgery (bad) and Trans 'Gender-Affirming' Surgery (good) that does not fully rely on the medicalization of being transgender" and it ALSO means "stop pretending to care about bodily autonomy when what you really mean is 'people can do things with their bodies I think are cool and good, but not things that I don't like. Those things should literally be banned, that's how we will save women'"

#i've Definitely said this before but bodily autonomy is not just the tumblr leftist transSEXual commune smoking and getting abortions or w/e #it's also all the things you don't like. it's also all the things you think are frivolous. it's also all the things you think are harmful #idk toooo many terfs have come into my notes to tell me that transgender surgery is equivalent to eating disorders #or 'transracial' plastic surgery or Literal Self-Mutilation or whatever that i'm done pretending #i'm not going to do the Noooo it's different! this is Medically Necessary surgery to treat the mental illness that makes me trans <3 #thing i'm Done. there is no definitive line between 'cosmetic surgery' and 'gender-affirming surgery' #and if it's either have both or have neither i think it's pretty obvious which one we should choose #open mick night #gender #idk you familiarize yourself with enough anti-trans anti-drug anti-kink and etc talking points and all this starts to #leave a bad taste in your mouth lol #when i say you can do WHATEVER you want forever i do mean it. even if the things are harmful or politically reductive or whatever #you can Leftist Critique it but you cannot even for one second start to fall into the 'and this is why women should Not Be Allowed To-' tra #bc as always. what's ur reasoning? you find it morally wrong? what other medical procedures do people find morally wrong? regarding women?

[widevibratobitch]

moments like this when im really glad im a sad little cynic who always considers the worst possible outcome and never lets herself truly get comfortable and trust the good things in her life to stay there and builds her life around trying to soften the blows of the eventual disappointments just waiting around the corner lol never leaving my edgy teenager era peace and love

#i mean if the alternative is whatever the fuck is going on with my best friend rn then hooooo boy #cancelling therapy immediately i never want to change i wanna keep my trust issues forever and ever if its gonna save me from THIS #is he a dick? kinda. yeah. and a coward because if dude was sure he didnt want it since AUGUST and didnt have the guts to end it till now #actually he didnt end it. she was the one who finally snapped. but we seriously fought twice before because she just woudlnt listen #when i said that girl this isnt gonna work and you trust him too much and you're attachment styles are incompatible as hell #your* #but nvm. the least you could do when a 7 years younger girl who's clearly obsessed with you is breaking up with you #cause she just cant take it anymore. and you can see she's still in love with you because you've been lying to her for half a year. #imo the least you could do at that point is just. dont tell her that jfc. just say you're sorry it didnt work out etc etc #dont fucking tell her you stopped being in love with her in fucking august #and just 'didnt know how to end it' and lied when she asked if everything's alright #like my god. yes ig this would never have happened if she hadn't trusted him so completely and expected love to fix her whole life #but jesus dude. she's not even 23 she has a right to be naive. you're almost 30. you DONT get to be a man child anymore #christ. okay. #anyway i wish i could help her but telling her to 'trust less' and 'never truly rely on other people' sounds horrible and cringe and edgy af #but i genuinely dont have any other advice #like babygirl im sorry but your bestie is a piece of human garbage and she's doing the best she can but her best is Not Much alas

[big-tees-and-short-skirts]

ah, so the misophonia is part of the sensory processing disorder + etc. of course.

#misophonia #okay now that im where im coming from here: #does anyone else get Murderous when they hear lawnmowers/leafblowers/etc #like instant anger. not minor annoyance but This is about to Ruin the next few hours for me #like if someone was trying to get me to join the dark side or whatever but i was in firm disagreement until That Motor revs up #i want to enjoy the sounds of spring and summer but instead its fuck BRBRBRBRBRBRBRRBRRRBRBRBRBRBRRBRBRBRBRRRR #ALL THE DAMN DAY #its fucking night time rn; #its fucking RAINING #and i have a neighbor whos mowing her lawn #shes about ot get evicted out of this house w this giant ass lawn that only she lives in but shes MOWING HER FUCKING LAWN USING OUR POWER #i want all mowers and leaf blowers to explode forever #SHES FUCKING SITTING STILL ON HER PHONE RUNNING THE WORLDS LOUDEST SINGLE PASSENGER VEHICLE #AND I CANT FUCKING TELL HER TO HAVE A LICK OF SELF AWARENESS BC I HAVE FUCKING COVID SO I CANT LEAVE MY ROOM OR CLOSE MY WINDOWS #i swear to fucking god pls get me out of hereeeeeeee #my ears hurt so bad rn i wanna cry #thats all its been for htese days of isolation: mower after mower after mower after mower #i just wanna hear the wind! or the rain! or the birds! or the frogs! OR NOTHING!!!! #i cant fucking sleep thru it either ;;;;;;;;;;;;; #and whenever i describe this frustration no one in my family really sympathizes #they ask if ive tried my headphones which is would be helpful if i hadnt tried and failed w that for years #they just shrug and say 'well it has to be done' BUT WHY DO PPL 'NEED' TO MOW THEIR LAWNS EVERY FUCKING DAY #okay shes done now. at 9 fucking pm. ill be done now

[bidolatry]

i do not think irony is the right word however it is a bit funny silly haha that i am textings #1 hater forever <- wont ask people to talk on the phone

#it is funny i am laughing about this like genuinely #i ghink the only person i actively reguarly do is ares #listen #iyam just. a tiny bit scared to ask people. unfortuately shy and whatever #you get hit with the 'why do you ALWAYS want to be on the phone its so annoying' once. sticks with you forever. #i am just less afraid of annoying ares that is all. everyone else yeah SORRY </3 #i know its like a skill issue on my end and like people can say no etc etc #however. logical brain does not always listen.

[gutterprophet]

one of my favorite parts of the day is emerging from my nest of blankets outside in the woods & blearily stumbling over to let the dogs out of the cabin that they live in but i don't & watching them sprint around the farm together getting caught up on all the smells that happened overnight

#another favorite is when i stumble into the outhouse to pee at 2 am and make direct eye contact with the opossum who lives in it #and when the jays we feed wake me up at dawn by perching three inches from my nest and yelling #sundog (white dog with bobbed tail) and chickenhawk (not pictured) are the only ones who really live inside #volshka (large white dog with black muzzle) lives fully outside and breq (small & tricolor) lives wherever co-farmer lives #which currently is in the car running errands during the day & in an abandoned building at night #i really enjoy the absurdity of all my life choices. did you know you can just do whatever you want forever #if i was making sane and sensible choices i would probably be living in a hospital / institution by now. but you see the thing is #i don't WANNA. i want to live in my car / outside in the woods / in abandoned buildings with my pack of dogs and be a weird insane cryptid #so we're just figuring out how to manage feeding tube & mobility impairment & immunodeficiency #& constant life-threatening medical emergencies & etc while living outside. and i will die ecstatic. live fast die young touch grass #(the local emergency responders hate us. i do so many things Against Medical Advice. i am happy though.) #possum posts

[e77y]

Seriously need to make more friends or go outside more (both things are easier said than done) bc I am a little bit tired of relying on content creation for attention and connection :(

#idk I think I just miss how accessible attention from friends was in high school and even last year in college #but now I’m an online student and I live in the middle of nowhere so it’s a lot harder to hang out with people irl #and idk I just finished all of my schoolwork for the day and thought ‘I’m really bored and want to talk to somebody etc’ #and my first thought was ‘I should work on a new fic so people will comment on it’ 😭 #which! I do love comments! but also I need to talk to people outside of AO3 comments yk? lmao 😭 #I sort of miss the year-ish long era of COVID lockdown bc I was constantly on calls with like ten different friend groups #maybe it’s my self isolation or maybe adulthood is just like this? idk #I’m moving in with friends next semester so I think that will be good for me #I just wanna make online friends man :( but idk how to DO that except by making fandom content #and hoping somebody likes it enough to slowly incorporate me into their life LMAO #I wish calls/voice memos were the norm in online spaces I’m so much better at those #anyway this is very pathetic to post but whatever. I’m trying to get used to being vulnerable on this blog #not that I owe it to people online to be vulnerable. if anything I should NOT be vulnerable on the internet #it’s just that. I am not very vulnerable period. so it’s better for me to air it out into the online void than to bottle it up forever #ellyposting #vent #ish? just to be safe

[sab-teraa]

[ignore]

#tye talks #my parents are genuinely just so fucking frustrating #they really don’t know me a single bit #after all this … they think I’m upset about money? #firstly I make my own money #second I’m sick of my mother trying to isolate us from everyone #that’s where my issue lies #and refuses to let us interact with any of our family members … both sides #and goes onto lie to them that we have no interest in associated with them etc. #my brother and I literally have no family other than each other … bc my mother makes our lives hell if we do so #and what makes it extra annoying is not that she’s tryna protect us or whatever #it’s the fact that she interacts with them perfectly fine and goes to all events etc. while lying to them that my brother and I are too #friend orientated too care about family #the worst one ever was when she lied that I’m too sick to go to my grans party and my dad left without me … my gran died a few weeks later #I’ll never forgive for that #and she causes drama if we date too #it clearly stems from the fact that both my brother and I are older and don’t need her as much #and she resents the fact that she sacrificed her career etc to be a stay at home parent #so now she wants us to have no relations with anyone other than her #I moved out forever ago and she tries to control everything #from what I wear to what I eat to what time I come home #and the most frustrating part is her going on on about how I should have become a lawyer etc. #stop trying to live your dreams through me !!!! #anyway im over it #I’ve offically decided to distance myself from everyone bc that’s what they wanted #so I will interact with absolutely no one #including my brother #like? I live ten hours away from them and still refuse to let me breathe

[monotone-artist]

idk been doing some concepts for a spiderman oc, aka spider-woman aka bronze spider aka spider-claw aka veronica "nickel" jackson. this is the most effort ive put into designing any oc ever tbh

uhhh additional stuff under the read-more

[id: some images of colorless digital sketches. the first one is a few concepts for her outfit design, based off victorian-era clothing, mainly in the shape of a tunic, baggy trousers, and boots. her eye-lenses are goggles, which can widen and squint spider-verse style. there are also several concepts of her spider symbol, most of which are in a mechanical style. a list of text tucked between the designs reads, "stockings, beanie hat? coats, belts, chains? handkerchief, tophat." there's also "Bronze Spider" written in the corner of the image.

the second image is some earlier concepts. the main one is just a plain fullbody without any detail. there are some shots of just her torso to figure out the spider symbol placement and design. there are also a few spider symbol designs, though they're not mechanical.

the last image is of nickel in one of the victorian-style designs, seeming to be in midair, her legs hooked back and her arms bent outward, as though she's in the middle of a big jump. end id]

she's gonna have two versions, this is the one before The Incident, and she's gonna have one for After.

she lives in this like, modern fantastical steampunk society (there's technology like phones n computers; there's dragons and unicorns n other creatures; and steampunk. her nyc is called the Tiered City because it is. in tiers. for general inspiration, i imagine it as classic steampunk stuff (cause i dont wanna do worldbuilding, except that they have modern technology too, just steampunk-ified) mixed with some arcane with a hint of lady trent's memoirs (in terms of the fantasy wildlife). but im still figuring things out though

nickel's whole thing is that she is actually one of two spiderpeople in her universe. they're known together as the spider-twins, even though the other spidey is actually her cousin (whose name is victoria jackson) but it's not that important. nickel also has a gf, her name is elsa but im still not sure of a surname

anyway The Incident happens and victoria dies and that rlly screws up nickel, and at some point (before, during, or after idk), nickel gets some drake dna and now whenever she's stressed or angry or anything, she turns into a drake. (it's a process that depends on how awful she feels though so she can just have like, dragon horns only for example). and because she's rather self-destructive at this point she starts calling herself spider-claw.

there's a whole metaphor thing going on w her and dragons are awesome so im using that. also this is all subject to change because im still figuring her out x_x but im having fun with it so it's fine

#spider-man #spider-verse #spiderverse #monotoneart #oc: nickel jackson #it's weird for her nickname to be nickel AND her spidername to be bronze spider but yknow what i might just roll with it #depends what victoria's spidername will be #im thinking that the spidername names are mostly for all the spiderverse shenanigans. #in their universe theyre known by the city w the classic spidernames: spider-woman spidey etc #but yeah #...i also just realized it's also weird for them to be victorian-style but for one of their names to be victoria #well!!!!!! i can do whatever i want forever

[blonkk]

im gonna rant!!!

i’m so tireeddddd of people projecting their pathetic insecurities onto everyone else (me). like i’m sorry you’re afraid to be alone and you don’t know who you are and you’re insecure and you have no courage. not to be a bitch but seriously. idc anymore maybe i am stuck up maybe i do think i’m better than you!! but coming at me because i refuse to do what everyone else does with such contempt and vigour just exposes you. like i have accepted that in my life i will not experience romantic love. not because it doesn’t exist, it does for some people, but i’m not gonna base my entire life and goals around meeting someone, falling in love, marrying them and having their children. i’d be ready to end my shit right now if those were my goals, being 28 and not even having a boyfriend. that means i’ve already failed at life but i knowwww i’m still a caterpillar. like be serious. sooooo yeah, sorry that in your narrow worldview everyone needs to basically get married and have kids, and there’s “someone out there for you” — what so all women gotta find that person by age 30 or our lives are over?? 😂 you delusional weirdos sound like hardcore christians. like maybe there is someone for me who i’ll meet when i’m 45 or 70! maybe i’ll never meet them! maybe there isn’t anyone because that’s just the way the world is! but i’m selfish because i don’t want to spend my life being miserable because i can’t find love and place all chances of future happiness on this person and the privilege of bearing/raising their kids??!!? so i should just settle for second best — of something i don’t even WANT — because everyone says it’s the point of life?… anyways

i’m just annoyed like i said. i can accept a loveless life, it’s hard but i’m ok lol. yeah it gets sad and lonely sometimes but truth is i have a pretty wonderful life that i’m thankful for, despite sadness, loneliness, grief etc. being in love won’t improve things in any significant way imo. i don’t want to be isolated in a relationship with a man. i don’t want to live with a man. i don’t want to have kids. i like my life; i like my 50 year old snowboard bum roommate, i like my shit car, i like having the ability to do whatever i want. i like bouncing from job to job, despite the financial insecurity and general lack of stability; all my life i’ve wanted to be free and independent, and i finally am — i can take care of myself which is what matters. i love my friends, i love exploring different hobbies and places and careers. i am literally unemployed and haven’t been this happy in a long, long time. i’m so sick of people telling me they “want me to be happy” but ignore me when i say i finally truly am. they just want to shove me in their stifling little box with them for god knows what reason. just because you think your life is perfect doesn’t mean it will be for everyone. idk, things change! maybe i’ll change too! but for now shut the fuck up. go be in your annoying relationship with your insufferable bf/husband and tell everyone how much were missing out on by not being married/having kids. the gals a couple feminist waves back beg to differ along with the steadily rising divorce rates and rapidly declining marriage and birth rates.

you’re the one who’s unhappy. if not, then you simply lack compassion and general respect for others. your worldview is small and you’re ignorant. your life is yours, others have different wants and will follow the path that leads them to those things. we all suffer for our choices — sure, i may wish at times i had a spouse and a house and a mouse. that doesn’t mean it’s what i have always wanted deep deep down. it means it’s normal to wonder what it would be like to have what you don’t and yearn a little sometimes. BUT i’d literally never give up my freedom. i think back to high school often and how restricted i felt; i couldn’t breathe. i flailed in that environment because it was so rigid. i’m never, ever going back to that, ever. i have self respect

#dni #this was a lot my b #had to get it off me chesticles #sometimes i just want to shake people #like girl….congrats you got married….wow…women have been doing that forever lol #do something cool or different #like i’m tired of acting like it’s some big accomplishment to find love #idc #call #me bitter #call me whatever you want #i’m happy for my friends etc when they’re happily ina relationship or get married don’t get me wrong #the line is crossed when they act like it’s the point of life #and project unasked for pity on me #like seriously. you’ve done what women have been forced to do for millennia #…congrats? ig #anyways

[homeplanets]

even many lgbt+/queer ppl retain this idea that basically gay* = frivolous, silly, & thus politically (& interpersonally?) impotent, unnecessary, gratuitous, & make basically the same "blue hair and pronouns" type comments as cishet homo/transphobes

#I'm not explaining this well bc i don't want to start shit by screenshotting examples . so yeah I'm vaguing but I'm just annoyed rn #idk i guess it's the same shit as the constant struggle to be gay/trans in the most Authentic(tm) Radical(tm) way #yknow the pendulum between queer and gay etc #to be clear i think it's pretty obvious “the personal is political” & my general ethic is based in “do whatever you want forever” #Ah but is it ironic im saying queer infighting is frivolous and a waste of time...

[fraddit]

454 today. Did it in two bursts like the last few days. Still not done...

#i don't want to jinx it but the trick to these two writing bursts the last few days #is that i take a break and load or unload the dishwasher in between #make another cup of tea #and like... more writing *plus* my dishes are getting done??? #this clearly can't last #it's too good to be true #but i'll take it while it works #shut up fraddit #i'm having fun writing this but god it'll probably the most boring thing in the world for anyone else to read #whatever #self indulgent #treat yo self #you can do whatever you want forever #etc etc