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kedreeva · 1 year

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#wow now i hate nancy even more like what an overly critical bitch#it's not even bad jfc#wtf was her point other than stomping down on steve and constantly saying how stupid he is#god i hate that cheating bitch who thinks she's so much better and smarter than everyone#stranger things (via @captaincoffeegirl515)

So I get you're mad, but also, this isn't cool. Hating on characters in tags of posts that you didn't make isn't cool. Hating on Nancy isn't cool, either. Fandom isn't and shouldn't be about hate. If fandom is making you angry enough to spew vitriol like this, you may need to step back and take a breather.

If you actually watch the scene this is about, she isn't calling Steve stupid. She doesn't make fun of him, she doesn't even tell him it's bad. He assumes, from her face as she reads, that she thinks it's bad, that she thinks he's bad at writing. Even if he was (which that essay argues he isn't, and I don't think he is), and even if she did (which I don't think she does), she does not say so. In fact she's only encouraging wrt to the paper itself.

Before Nancy even says anything at all, Steve says "It's crap, I know" and Nancy's immediate reaction is to say "No, it's not crap!" Steve then insists "It's not good," and Nancy's response is an affectionate smile and "It's going to be! It just needs some reorganizing." She's not even talking about editing the writing itself or the concepts! She gently asks if she can mark on his paper - respecting that he might not want her to help that directly even after he's clearly asked her to look at it, which is loads better than some commenters I've seen on AO3 these days - and he agrees.

And the thing is? She's being kind about the editing she does do! Literally the first thing she does is tell him she sees the metaphor he's using (acknowledging that she knows he understands metaphor enough to create his own from scratch) and tells him it's a great metaphor. When she does point out something that needs addressing, she doesn't tell him "you did this wrong" she tells him "I don't see how they're connected." Do you know what that is? That's straight up gentle help. That's "you have connected these, I am not saying they are not connected, I am just saying I don't see the connection." I don't do a lot of editing but I've had a lot of editing done at me, and this language is so kind. It does not invalidate the thing the writer is trying to do, it just tells them that if they want to make that point, they have to elaborate to make it clearer to people who aren't inside their head with them. That's a perfectly valid critique and she is giving it to him very softly.

He then explains the point and she turns back to the paper to start rereading when he interrupts to ask if he should start from scratch and she immediately tells him no. She asks about the deadline, he tells her it's tomorrow (for early acceptance, which means Steve is trying to get this in early but also that he's waited until the last second for that), and then he asks if she can come over and help him with it (which a) is him forgetting they already have plans and b) is asking her to give up her plans to do work with him on short notice when he probably had time before this he could have asked. I say this to make it clear that her reaction isn't out of the blue or unjustified).

Nancy, who is still torn up over her best friend being brutally murdered on her watch while she was right there after brushing Barb off, and who still feels horribly guilty about having to lie to Barb's parents about it all, says no, remember they have dinner with Barb's parents that they already bailed on last week- ie, Nancy doesn't want to brush off Barb's parents again when brushing off Barb is what got Barb killed. She even tells Steve "You don't have to go" and suggests he work on the paper instead, giving him an easy out. And he grabs the paper and crumples it and does the thing that raises my hackles saying what's the point and acting like trying won't matter and he may as well give up on it because it wasn't instantly perfect the first time.

The point of contention in this scene is NOT that Nancy is telling him he's stupid, it's NOT that she thinks his paper is crap. The point of contention is that Steve desperately wants life to move forward away from the terrible thing that happened to them, and Nancy cannot walk away from the past that left her so damaged. He wants to focus on a paper to get him into a college (I like to think it's the one she wants to go to, so they can stay together, but that's just a theory), and she wants to go wallow in a sad dinner with the grieving parents of her dead best friend. That is the argument. It has nothing to do with his paper except that the paper is a device to show he's trying to move forward and the dinner is showing that she's stuck in the past.

This also isn't Nancy thinking she's better or smarter than anyone. This is Steve being faced with having to care about schoolwork because for maybe the first time in his life the result of his written work matters to him and he's very easily frustrated by not being immediately successful, and Nancy being so wrecked by the trauma she went through that she's barely keeping her own head above water, such that she cannot help him the way he needs despite wanting to. This isn't anyone treating anyone badly out of malice or being a bad person; this is incompatibility rearing its head and getting ready to bare its teeth. This is their trauma responses butting heads. This is the first whisper of how much they don't and can't fit right now. It is the first sign that they aren't going to stay together.

I don't doubt that they love each other. It's not even a question to me. But despite the idea sold to so many people in story and song, love isn't enough. It can't be the only thing. You can love someone to the moon and back but if you don't fit, you don't fit- and trying to carve yourself into the right shape will do far more harm than good. And that's what we'll see them realize, later, and that's why they split apart. Not malice, not meanness, not even apathy. They care so much in opposite directions that they're liable to tear each other apart trying to stay together, and instead of forcing it to break them the way he did in season 1, Steve will end up letting go this time. And personally, I think that's an awesome display of character growth.

#stranger things #nancy wheeler #steve harrington #wank for ts #stranger things meta #and I just want to say that like #if you think you love steve but you hate nancy this much #you don't love steve #I absolutely don't want them to get together for a lot of reasons #but he loves her still #and she loves him still #and that should matter #it should matter as much as steve and robin's love matters #because there's something deep there #and romance isn't the only outlet #I would take the intimate knowledge that someone would kill for me #over romance any day #anyway we don't hate on nancy in this house #I don't want hate anywhere near me #they're traumatized teenagers dealing with things no one should ever have to deal with #and also they are characters victim to plot devices #and we're gonna respect both #also adding this: carving themselves into shape is bad #growing to fit together... that's the good shit #especially if how they fit later isn't how they expected #but is even better

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kaaaaaaarf · 24 days

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Posting this behind a cut in case you don't feel like listening to me ramble about what it means to have bipolar ii and be a fic writer.

Being a fic writer with bipolar has turned out to be a weird experience. I certainly can't speak for every person with bipolar disorder, but this is what it's been like for me:

I can't write well unless I'm hypo-manic. When I'm having a "normal" day, my writing doesnt flow. I can't think of obvious words—but when I'm in it, I can pop out an entire chapter in a matter of days—and the fuck of it is, often it's even good.

But see, even though I intellectually know that this only happens when I'm manic, when I'm in it? Game off. I am flying high and often don't even realize it. It takes a certain amount of determination to stay in the "zone" for enough consecutive days to get something completed, and this only feeds the mania.

So, I will push through the week I'm feeling inspo, ignoring my responsibilities, forgetting to take care of myself and then—it's posted. The high of completing something usually lasts for half a day before I crash and fall straight into the depression pit.

It happens nearly every time I post a fic, and I'm so ill prepared anyways. I still can't go back and read hatefuck two because I wrote it in a manic frenzy, and then the next day, I experienced the worst dip of depression in a long, long while. There are a few reasons why I can't read it to be honest, but a lot of it is that I associate that fic with that dark day.

Everything is clearer the day after, when the mania subsides, and the shame you feel for being manic is nearly inescapable. I become convinced that whatever I wrote is terrible and that I should quit writing all together.

So, right now I feel like shit, and I'm mad at myself for being excited about something. I'm embarrassed that it means so much. I'm terrified because if I lost the ability to do this I would be lost.

Anyways, just going to continue to spiral, wish me luck.

#edit:#didnt mean to post this whoops #i stand by it tho #normally this doesnt happen with short bsides or one shots but apparently it did this time

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prinz-vassago · 2 months

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Gou has an older brother, right? What happens to him later on? Did Gou ever resent him for insulting him and being cold to him?

First of all, I'm sorry for the delay in answering your questions. I'm busy with commissions and now my tablet cable is broken so I'm waiting for the new one to arrive. I did some drawings for this post, but they look ugly, I'm so rusty for traditional art so don't mind how weird they look!! Secondly, thank you for sending an ask about it, I struggle a bit to post details of my characters' stories, so this kind of question is very important to me.

Okay so, It's hard to explain correctly what will happen to him due to the lack of characters posted yet. (I ended up taking a break due to burnout and now my Mugen No Kagi stuff is late!! But I have tons of dudes and girls to post very soon.) Gou's brother is an antagonist that I created so that Gou's backstory wouldn't feel so empty. He doesn't have a name (and I don't intend to give him one); he simply serves to add depth and cause events that will impact the stories of the main characters. An abusive older brother who thinks he can do whatever he wants because he has a respected status in the Japanese imperial army (He's an Officer). In fact he is just very bitter about the things that have happened in his life and takes it out on people. He also feels very burdened having full responsibility for his younger brother, and knows that if Gou fails, it will be his fault. Regarding Gou's feelings towards him, I can say that Gou would definitely like to receive affection in some way, but as his life has been hard since his birth and he has practically never felt real affection from his family, he understands that his brother's way of demanding a lot from him is just a concern so he doesn't end up failing and ruining the family reputation.

(The blade cuts on Gou's face were actually made during katana training with his brother) the cut is also mirrored, but who cares?

Gou see his brother as an extremely exemplary person, and want to be an officer like him, or at least an important soldier. If his brother is mad at him for any reason, he understands that there is something wrong with himself, so he is always trying to be the "perfect young brother". His brother imposes a lot of rules in the house, so Gou's routine boils down to: going to school, returning home, taking care of the corpses and doing daily chores. When he's done he spends the rest of the afternoon and night doing his stuff and reuniting with the club.

Gou's brother knows that he has a girlfriend (wait for her), and also knows that he is a strange child, but he doesn't really care about it at first and have no idea what really happens. (When he's off work, he basically watches television and listens to the radio all day while Gou does his chores. Sometimes he spends the day with a woman he has romantic interests in.) Eventually, Gou will start to disobey some rules and return to the house after days and this will greatly irritate his brother who will be bothered by Gou's strange behavior. He will also notice strange smells on him, and will soon discover a pile of stolen skulls and creepy stuff Inside Gou's room. He will then start following Gou to find out what he is doing while outside, and will find out about the occult club and the graves desecration.

What I plan for him is an unexpected encounter with Akumu during a fucked up moment, and Akumu ends up killing him (Eventually this will be clearer?? I don't have many details about what his end will be as I might change my mind, so take this with a grain of salt! ) You can actually read more about Gou in his Toyhouse page.

btw bonus

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velvetcloxds · 1 year

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in love with you- send me a character and an au scenario and I'll write a little baby blurb for it

Can I request a Rockstar!Geralt au 🎸 where Geralt is in a rock/heavy metal band with the rest of the witchers, and the reader’s best friend Jaskier plays matchmaker for you and Geralt, when he finds out that you have a crush on him, please? Thank you!

THE WITCHERS | GERALT OF RIVIA

word count: 1.2k

warnings: I mention him swearing but don't actually show it aside for the gif- I enjoyed writing this so much you have no idea

"Move," you groaned, far beyond being friendly as yet another crazed, beyond wild fan attempted to push you out of the way, security was busy at the front of the hall, close to where it led into the backstage area where some of the band members were humoring the fans by waving at them.

You were just barely keeping your sanity as you tried to push through with the bag of takeaway Jaskier had asked you to pick up and bring to the back entrance before the show, the back, which he had conveniently forgotten to mention would be packed with screaming and shoving girls, and boys, and everyone in between, to be fair it was expected, but usually he'd have someone wait at the door to escort you, today you weren't so lucky.

"Get off," you nearly shouted, disbelieved as someone pushed you right into the wall, paying no mind to the pain the action might cause as they held you there, hand scraping the bare brick wall and earning a hiss from your frowning lips as you realized it tore some skin. You were going unnoticed by everyone, you were sure if Lambert took a moment to stop flirting with the girl in front of him he'd have the perfect view of you, but alas, you got lost among the other faces, drowned out by the other voices.

So you started shoving back, acting with the same yet very differently intentioned urgency to shove your way to the front, ignoring every rude comment or recoil until you were almost at the front, pausing only when you realized who was responsible for your lack of escort.

Geralt was standing on the top of the three steps that led into his dressing room, three guards perched in front of him, trying hopelessly to keep people from pushing up the line, everyone fighting for a quick touch, a wave, hell even a passing glance would drive them to unconsciousness. He wasn't doing anything, really, not that he had to, just leaning back against the very wall you'd hurt your hand on, looking down at everyone through his lashes, golden eyes doing nothing to keep them calm as he hid an amused smirk. It was teasing really, seeing how much he could get from them without doing anything at all as he held one hand on his knee with a foot perched against the wall and the other combing through already messy white strands, driving them mad, driving you mad.

"Hey, white wolf!" your voice broke through clearly now, clearer than you'd thought it would, the man in question searching for your eyes instantly, only you knew the little self-proclaimed nicknames Jaskier had given the band members, only you spent enough time with the lot of them to call it out so casually. You smiled, admittedly shyly when he found you, his smirk deepening slightly when you held up your arm to show him the bag in your hands. "You're welcome," you mouthed, no need to shout now that he held you in his gaze, no need to hear it to know he grunted in reply.

As if you'd not endured enough, he paid witness to you once again being guided around by the stream of people, an elbow to the side and a hip trust from the other making you stumble enough to drop the goods, your groan far too dramatic as you bent down to retrieve it in the little space you had. You briefly heard his voice, briefly because as soon as he spoke it egged on a choir of cheers and roars, the excitement only aiding your struggle as you stumbled to the ground and you huffed out a sigh, looking up and around you in defeat. You had no idea why the roaring got even louder until a familiar face appeared in front of you, guards circling the pair of you to make some room.

"You okay?" he demanded, it was loud, a shout that sounded like a whisper due to your surroundings, you managed a nod, vividly aware of the burning glares you received as he grabbed your waist to guide you from the floor, a breach in the circle pushing you taut against his chest. He swore under his breath, shaking his head, rolling his eyes, the full Geralt trifecta as he took the bag into his hand, other hand entwining with yours before he roughly led you to the front. "You should have texted one of us before coming through," he reprimanded lightly once you were safe behind a gate of guards, hand still in his, breath still caught in your throat as he made no effort to put some space between you.

"Jaskier said it was clean back here," you sighed, the guilty party sitting on a chair behind you, not at all bothered by the ordeal you just faced as he looked from you and Geralt's entwined hands to your face with a tooth-rotting smirk and like a bolt of lightning striking through your senses you realized what was going on in that stupid rockstar head of his.

"Jaskier, is an idiot," he grunted and you breathed a laugh, nodding in agreement as you looked down at your other hand, drops of blood tracing your knuckles. Geralt had handed the bag to Lambert in the process, the only thing more important to him than scoring a girl to take to his hotel after the show was food, a bag full of it as he disappeared into the dressing room. "The beasts wounded you," the blonde at your side noted, not even hesitating before taking that hand in his as well, thumb brushing just under the small scrapes as you shrugged.

"Well, I had no witchers to protect me," you quipped in a soft tone, shy, not because he was this big famous rockstar everyone loved, but because he was this big brooding softie that made your knees weak without even trying.

"I see," he was grunting again, a new record, you noted in your head, but it was softer, lighter, more of a caring sound than what he usually used it for. "I think I'll have to keep you at my side for the rest of the night," he offered and you were burning, inside out as the heat rushed to your cheeks because the offer wasn't at all as innocent as he made it out to be, eyes darkened under the hanging lightbulb as he looked at you. "For your safety," he explained and added a shrug, faux sincerity and you rolled your eyes, really just needing to break eye contact.

"Very noble of you."

"Oh, I am all for nobility," and he was leading you away, already going straight for the first aid kit to dress your wounds, making sure you were in fact as close to his side as possible, absolutely devouring the way you melted into him so delicately, so perfectly and he was already thinking of ways to keep you at his side long after tonight.

#geralt of rivia #rockstar!geralt of rivia #rockstar!witchers #geralt of rivia x reader #geralt of rivia x you #geralt of rivia x yn #geralt of rivia fluff #geralt of rivia blurb #geralt of rivia drabble #geralt of rivia one shot #geralt of rivia fanfiction #monique's writing events #right where queue left me

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system-of-a-feather · 1 year

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On Anger, Trauma and Recovery

I just got done piecing together a clearer image of an issue I've been struggling to paint a complete picture of and therapy had me talking about my relationship and shit with emotions and it got me thinking now about my relationship with my specific longest term and old favorite emotion - anger / annoyance and here is the thing about it.

Anger is not inherently evil, bad, or destructive. It's actually incredibly productive when handled right and it stems from a sense of self love / love and the knowledge that you or the thing you are angry for deserve better than what is being given; that something feels unfair and needs aren't being met and the feeling of anger is the driving force to right those wrongs. It is inherently a defensive and healing function and feeling, so it is incredibly important to not only accept and embrace your anger, but to hear it out entirely.

The issue with anger that then comes though is that often - when people are disordered or traumatized - a lot of the time this anger is un-honed, un-polished, directed openly, and handled with limited depth, internal personal understanding, and and insight to exactly what the anger is, where it is coming from, and why it is appearing the way it does. And that isn't to shun or say anyone is 'less than or bad' - anger is one of the most intense emotions for a lot of people and considering it is a back up response to feeling imposed upon, threatened, or taken advantage of it is very very easy to get caught up in a fight-flight that makes it hard to sit down and clearly listen to your anger. It's a hard skill to learn, and one I've been developing for a while.

But great strength, power, and maturity comes from being able to learn to not only hold, embrace, and take pride in your anger, but to also listen deeply to it, understand what it is trying to tell you, and polishing that anger into a blade to carve out the life you and those you care about deserve.

And so this might not apply to everyone because these are some notes from my own personal journey and effort in learning to understand how to listen to my anger better (and in this case, I mean literally MY anger, but it can apply to your local 'angry' part). I'm mainly sharing this cause I don't think I've seen any good posts or resources on a more structured way to approach anger that didn't sound like "uwu your anger is valid uwu" which I think turns off so many "angry" people / parts

Step 1: Learn to become aware and notice when and why you are angry; then learn to become okay with sitting with that anger and postponing the urge to do anything in the immediate response to it. Just sit with it and feel it, interact with it, think about it - but don't do anything to 'solve' the anger.

Tips: Try to find something that you can non-verbally and/or independently express through - music, art, venting to your pet, even exercise / martial arts if you can maintain connection with your anger. These sorts of things can help ease the urge to have to do something about it that tends to limit and end the "listening" portion and impedes in deeper understanding to it

Step 2: Once comfortable with sitting with anger, when you notice your anger, try to find a way to set some time aside to comfortably interact with yourself on the topic that makes you angry. Get some music that helps you think to yourself in a more open ended free flowing manner, lay down on a comfy bed, get some tea, set the vibes well and look the anger 'in the eyes' so to say and ask away.

Tips: Ask yourself why does [thing] make you mad? What is wrong with it? What do you feel like is unfair and needs to be changed? What need is being ignored / not met? Who / what is not being heard? What exactly is your anger upset about? Try to polish away the specific names and people of the immediate situation and try to understand the core fundamental needs of yourself. Is something about the situation making you feel not seen? Do you feel like your needs are going unnoticed? Do you feel like you are not being included? Do you not feel like you were given a fair chance? Why is this situation triggering such a feeling? Does this stem from a feeling in the past? Try to understand the deep connections threads that come together to make you feel this way.

Step 3: Once you get a feeling that you understand where this anger comes from (often in my experience it clicks with a but of an "ah, okay" feeling) resurvey your current situation. Compare your findings of what the meat of your anger is and what it wants changed to what your situation is. See then where you can best give your anger what it needs and what it wants to start to right the wrongs that it is feeling in a compassionate way to your anger / yourself. You may not be able to go to the extent that you wish, but the very least you can start to give your anger what it needs to be as intense and as aggressive.

Your anger doesn't deserve to have to be so loudly angry just to be heard.

Your anger should be able to show itself to you and for you to be able to hear it out and meet it's needs.

As a general skill of this is built anger doesn't leave and it doesn't become less present - because anger is important, anger is your friend and it's kept you alive and motivated you to love and stand up for yourself - but the built better relationship and ability to listen to said anger in a compassionate manner can become incredibly productive both in healing yourself and minimizing the damage of "anger issues", but also in fixing the environment around you that may be worsening your mental health and overall quality of life.

#alter: xiv #anger issues #anger #emotional regulation #healing #recovery #bpd #c-ptsd #ptsd #did #actuallydid #aspd #npd #ocpd #mental health #mental health recovery

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lutawolf · 1 year

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Never Let Me Go D/s breakdowns Ep 5

As of right now, there is no D/s relationship, friendship or otherwise. Is there a D/s element? Yes! Palm is without a doubt submissive. The verdict is showing some growth in Nueng as a Dom. Is there a power imbalance? Abso-fucking-lutely. But is there a distinct power play line between work and play? That's the question. One that has only gotten murkier rather than clearer, but I'm a determined bitch.

I hate Palm's dad. "I don’t get it, Dad. Why do you have to devote yourself to this family? My arm is broken. Have you ever worried about me? You are only worried about him. Seriously, what do we owe them? Why are you living like you’re their running dog?" "Do you know why you and I can have the lives that we are living today after your mom left us? It’s all because of Mr. Pop. When my life was completely ruined, Mr. Pop helped me to get back on my feet. That’s right. I am exactly what you said. I’ve been living as their running dog until today." "That’s your life. It has nothing to do with me." "It’s your life too. Mr. Pop saved your life." How? How did he save Palm's life? Is it just because he gave him a job? This shit isn't adding up.

We are back to boss and employee instead of D/s. Even when Nueng tells Palm to look at his face. He does it, but he isn't happy about it. He is doing it strictly because Palm is his boss. Nueng tried to send him home, but Palm basically said his Dom sent him, and he has to listen. Nueng writes on Palm's cast. He writes, a fool. Why? Why is Palm a fool?

Ahh, the shoe conversation is killing me. "You don’t need to give me any reward, Young Master." "Why are you calling me ‘Young Master’?" "Because I’m your servant. You said that I should know my place." "You said that I should know my place. So you shouldn’t take it personally" "I didn’t take it personally. But I think I should know what my job is. I think what you said is right. If I wasn’t busy with my stuff, I would have been able to take care of you when you were drunk." "Are you being sarcastic?" "No, I’m not. I’m just saying the truth. I know who I am to you. I’m just a servant. So I need to know my place."

We see Palm ask to be excused, but this time it's as an employee because he doesn't even wait on a response. I told you Ben was a shithead. Look, I get being scared, but then he should have left Palm alone.

"What are you doing here? Are you here to look down on me?" "No. I’m just worried about you." "That’s bullshit. You don’t want to be my friend from the beginning." "I can be your friend." Oh, now you can be his friend. Look I get why you were upset but let's take into account why he was getting drunk and that he was allergic. What Nueng did was shitty, but so was what Palm did. And he suddenly wants to change it all back when Nueng is in pain. "I’ll be anything that you want me to be." "Don’t try to be nice to me if you think it’s a part of your job, asshole." I've got to agree. "If you didn’t receive an order, you wouldn’t have wanted to befriend me. You’ve never worried or cared about me. Why is everyone doing this to me? What did I do wrong? Tell me! No one wants me. Go away! Go home, Palm! Palm, go away! Palm, let me go and go away! Tell me! Why did this happen to me? I opened up to him. Why did I get this in return? This is what I get from opening up to someone? Asshole. Let me go. Leave me alone." See, he isn't just talking about Ben. He is talking about Palm too.

The hug feels like an anchor for both. Like a lifeline. Palm, not realizing that Nueng needed one. It signals a very real turn around in both of them.

"Aren’t you still mad at me?" "Why do I have to be mad at you?" "I told everyone that you are my servant." "I’m not mad at you. You have the right to say that." "I’m sorry." "Your apology means a lot more than the expensive shoes you bought me." And the other turn around. Both taking responsibility for their shit parts. Growth. I appreciate it.

They talk about Ben, and Nueng tells Palm that he didn't love Ben. It's just that he opened his heart to trust him. Palm then starts calling him Mr. Nueng then. And when the opportunity to kiss comes. They both take it. Nueng knowing that this kiss could just be part of the job but wanting it. Palm meanwhile really wanting to kiss Nueng. It's such a huge difference from Ben. There is such need in Palm's kiss.

The way Palm falls on him to kiss him speaks of hunger and passion. A worlds difference. Then the way Nueng leans on Palm and Palm is able to hold him.

Palm waiting for Nueng while remember that kiss is so fucking cute. The conversation between Palm and dad is interesting too. "You shouldn’t date anyone now. Because you won’t have time for that. You need to take care of Mr. Nueng. Do you hear me?" "Yes, dad." Then Palm proceeds to lie about where he found Nueng. I really respect that. He sees his dad as his Dom, but his priority is Nueng. "You should learn about what he likes. So he will like you." Since when has he been worried about Palm and Nueng liking each other?

Then danger happens and Nueng takes Palm away despite his protest. This does not make Palm Dominant. My husband would do the same thing, and he is submissive in our relationship. Though, he gets the fuck out of the way when I throw hands. Anyway, back to the series. This does not make Palm Dominant, just protective.

"We need to run away and come up with a plan. Right now, I am the one who you should believe in and trust the most. You need to listen to me. I promise that I will never leave you." I'm taking this promise to heart Palm! You better not let me down!

#never let me go #never let me go series #palm x nuengdiao #palm and nueng #luta opinions #luta talks kink #luta talks never let me go

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fangirleaconmigo · 1 year

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My problem with s2 arc for Yen is that all the things you beautifully described that makes Yen Yen were undone by her betrayal. They spend the first half of the season to show us that Yen is more than her magic, she didnt even need magic to win a powerful mage but then with two simple soldiers she's powerless and needs baba yaga and then at no point she can outsmart voleth meir? She didn't even had her in a spell or anything, it was simple: do that and get your power back and at no point Yen, after meeting Geralt and Ciri, couldn't fight it? That makes her weak, the opposite of what the first episodes showed us and we know that Yennefer is. Also the fact that she showed her good heart with everyone in s2 but the two people that were supposed to mean everything in the world for her, is imo the ultimate book Yen betrayal from the writers. Maybe they'll work on that in s3, maybe now i'm mad with the writers and I don't have the patience to see where this is going but I doubt they are talented enough to write a great original story so to deviate from the book to give us this makes me angry. And her sacrifice at the end didn't felt genuine for some reason (bad writing). And I still wonder why, show Yen - like every character in the show - was different from book Yen in s1 too but she was so well written, you could feel everything she felt but that was gone in s2. Lauren said that they didn't know what to do with Yen in s2 and that was shown. Hopefully now that in s3 they have a clearer idea of her story they'll do better. Sorry for the rant and I hope I didn't bother you a lot.

No, nonny, you didn't bother me at all.

Can you guys tell I'm catching up on asks?

This was in response to my post on how TWN S2 treated the women characters. It was mostly positive, with a few critical things.

Again, since there is critique in it (along with the praise, it is balanced) I'm going to tag twn critical.

PLEASE MUTE TWN CRITICAL IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE

Yes, even though I loved a lot of Yen's story, I agree that the Voleth Meir and Ciri decision didn't work.

It wasn't about them changing Yen from canon (tho that hurt), it was about their own story not working. For me, Yen's Voleth Meir decision, to bring Ciri to her and endanger Ciri (changing her mind too late), was in conflict with the first part of her development, and that is part of why it didn't work for me.

For example, they show you Yen upset and wanting her magic back because she sees a little girl being taken and she is powerless to help her.

So, the narrative is establishing that she does care and she does want to help, and she wants to protect little girls SO MUCH that she wants her magic back.

So. Then. If at least part of her motivation is her anguish that little girls are being harmed, how does that follow that she almost throws a little girl to Voleth Meir to get her power back? It doubles back on itself. It wants to have its cake and eat it too, so to speak.

It isn't IMPOSSIBLE to get there but it's thematically weak storytelling for me.

You know how some story telling and character development is thematically so cohesive and you completely understand why they do what they do to the point where it's almost tragic sometimes because you're like...that decision is bad, but I know where that character comes from and what their flaws are, so I know this is almost inevitable? You know how you get like a rush from storytelling that good?

That just wasn't it for me.

I'm with you on that one.

And I also agree that they have gone out of their way to develop Yen as someone who, when faced with an A) and B) choices, says "Actually, I'll take F) for Fuck you" and I love that, that is exactly who she is, but then her Voleth Meir decision didn't fit that either.

It just felt jammed in. And yeah, I don't think it's possible to undo and get the relationship we would want between them, at least not in a way that is satisfying and authentic.

But I will be watching, and we shall see. I want them to do my Yenny boo right ffs.

#asks #talking twn #twn critical

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tsunflowers · 2 years

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has everyone actually read what this woman tiffany g said bc it's all normal and reasonable

she started with this which I guess could raise your hackles if you think protecting people's ability to post pedophilic content online is important

but when it was clarified that nothing on the ao3 legally constitutes cp she switched to saying "people think we host that"

you could take this negatively, as her backtracking or pivoting angles, but it reads to me like she is also clarifying her position. "although the ao3 does not host work that can be legally considered cp, lots of people think that it does and it gives the website a bad reputation"

I've seen multiple posts decrying her as being pro censorship and wanting to "destroy" ao3 but she literally never said that. she actually said the opposite

if anything I think her responses are not helpful bc she doesn't seem to have a clear goal of what she would do to improve the rating and warning systems. the site does already have an "underage" tag that can be easily filtered, for example. she doesn't say what she would want to do that would be stricter than that

can everyone calm down and not make fearmongering posts about her bc she is Chinese and has reasonable concerns about the website's public image

EDIT:

I forgot if you mark something dont reblog even YOU cant reblog it so I can't use my usual method of reblogging to reply to a comment

the China ao3 ban was related to xiao zhan rpf, right? like a bunch of his fans got really mad that people were writing fic where he was gay and reported it. that's my knowledge of the situation. if she really does want to make ao3 more palatable to people like the censors in the Chinese government I'm against that too. but I got the impression that she mostly brought up the China ban as an extreme example of the bad image some people have of the ao3 and she thinks that by being clearer about what really is on the site something like that can be avoided in future

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yapcarms03 · 3 months

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My journey of being childhood to adulthood.

Hi my name is bea so this is my long story short of my childhood to adulthood life. Growing up is a journey filled with ups and downs moments shaping who I am and who I become. As a child my life was like a weather different season sometimes having a good day and sometimes sad day. Having a good memories and happy life happy moments with pure and genuine smile. Every day was an adventure looking back on my younger self, I can't help but smile at the memories of innocence, curiosity and defined those early years. As a child, I was full of wonder and excitement to explore the world around me. I remember the simple joys of childhood In my early years,I spend my day exploring and playing with my siblings , cousins and friends enjoy playing tradition games a little me having a real happiness without overthinking some problems. The only problem i have when i was a kid is that fighting with my siblings or friends. My favorite of childhood memories is that being a attitude kid but have a good heart. I have a lots of favorite foods favorite place it makes me happy when spending time with my family and also I am a kind of dramatic girl. When i started going to school it makes me happy when my bag having barbie design , pink pencil case , and a lots of colors because when I was a kid I love drawing I love colors. As I ventured into school, a new chapter began. Crayons and backpacks replaced toys, and the world outside my home expanded. Friends became the colorful characters in my daily adventures and lessons were I learned both inside and outside the classroom.Elementary school brought new adventures in my life. when I was in my elementary days I will never forget the days that my teacher is going to mad at me because I am a kind of girl that always have enemy in school since kinder to grade six because of my attitude that’s why I will always got punished. When I was in grade one something happened to me when my father drove me to school using bicycle and suddenly my feet put inside in bicycle front wheel and my feet have a big wound that’s why I hate bicycle that time. I will never forget to entered the colorful classrooms where I made friends and discovered the joy of learning. From finger counting to solving math problems, each day unfolded like a story filled with excitement and discovery.

My High school Days feels excitement Im so excited when Im going to my new school , new friends , new campus and new crushes lol. My High school Days brought challenges to me as friendships evolved and academic. navigated the awkwardness of adolescence, discovering my interests and passions. This is the time when I realize how hard and how tired going to school everyday because this is the moment when I started having own problems.High school days I joined some event in school, played some sports, and started to shape my identity of hormonal changes and started to act as teen.Being Adolescence its own set of challenges. Having awkward moments and being shy to others. Slowly realizing what life it is.But in high school Im not totally explore and enjoy being high school student because having 2years pandemic. The pandemic days it feels like journey to me when the pandemic started that’s when I started to make friends with my neighbors again because when I was in high school I focused more on studying and I was always inside the house. I'm not young enough to play outside anymore. As the set on high school, graduation day symbolized the closing chapter of adolescence and the opening of doors to adulthood.

Adulthood era the beginning of a new chapter. My adulthood journey was a chapter of self-discovery.Discover new things , new hobbies , new friends , new life and having a matured mindset.Academic challenges, explored activities, and developed a clearer vision of my future. The once carefree child now juggled responsibilities, friendships, and dreams of the world beyond. Late-night study sessions newfound friendships and defined my experience and passion for knowledge and personal growth. Entering adulthood was like stepping onto an uncharted path of my life. Trying what adulthood do I try drinking alcohol, I spend money online , spending time with friends and also spending time alone. brought new knowledge, relationships, and a sense of purpose. early morning or afternoon classes became the rhythm of my days. Each day became a challenge to solve, a chance to prove competence and learn from experiences. The journey towards adulthood unveiled a deeper understanding of me what life really is.This is the time when I already have serious problems and overthinking some stuffs. I experienced the joys and heartaches of romantic relationships. Each encounter I understand of human connections. The once innocent me is now trying some adulthood stuffs. The memories of childhood laughter and continued to resonate. Reflecting on the journey from innocence to experience and realization that life is an ever-evolving story, and each chapter have a good memories of who I am today. I realize that life is better when spending time alone listen to my favorite music going to my favorite places watching my favorite movie and discovering new things with my self. I realize that adulthood is not totally happy compare to childhood days , friends is temporary because we have different life only yourself knows about your daily life. Thinking about my past life memories is like a lot of stories. Some of them make me happy, while others help me learn and grow all experiences and mistakes I have done right now it gives me a lot of lessons. Im hoping that my future life is going to be better and hoping I will get the life i wanted to be.

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proofofburden · 1 year

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Did Public Health Really Fail?

I've been thinking a lot about the Sisyphean problem of public health trust a lot lately, partially because I'm still processing The Pandemic and partially because of the rising threat of avian influenza. (I try not to be a bird flu alarmist but I do think the trajectory of the mammal outbreaks should rightfully be viewed as increasingly alarming.)

People want public health advice that minimally impacts their life, is state of the art, is correct to the underlying disease, matches their risk tolerance, affirms their values, and has a level of detail that exactly matches their willingness to make sense of the advice. Even if public health departments served only one person---and they explicitly do not---these are contradictory desires. What works and what people are willing to do rarely overlap, state of the art understanding of disease is often in some sense wrong, risk tolerance rarely matches the simple probabilities, policy advice necessarily compromises on values, and there's a fractal structure to mitigation that can be taken depending on your willingness to think through cases and exceptions in the advice. There's also a spectrum of "good faith" engagement, where some people are willing to understand the advice as trying to navigate all these factors and some people simply were not. There's a "both sides" element to this; both people who wanted more and less stringent advice were willing to see it either as a plan for state-based murder or to abridge freedoms.

While I certainly don't point all this out to suggest that there are no lessons to be drawn from the public health response to COVID---this is a framework for thinking about the failures, in fact---I think the reason why there is such unanimity that public health failed is that "success" is so personally defined for most critics. If your metric for "success" in the next pandemic is that communal advice is uniquely tailored to you with no scientific or moral uncertainty, we do not need to wait for the next pandemic to know public health will fail you.

Another dimension of this is that for all we've rightly talked about how "trust" and "credibility" were spent by public health officials, there's been almost no acknowledgement of the way that metaphor was weaponized against them. Far from being passive receivers of advice and weighing it based on abstract trust, people attacked the credibility of public health as a form of lobbying. This is a partial defense of health agencies, though this also should not have come as a surprise 4 decades into the AIDS crisis. (It has been [0] days since ProofofBurden got mad about the AIDS crisis!) Nor am I suggesting that the attacks were uniformly unwarranted, especially not in the AIDS crisis where the Federal government adopted a much clearer stance that AIDS deaths were good and happening to the right people; even in that case, however, some of the demands of activists were unethical and dangerous, to say nothing of the lobbying that was happening to encourage Federal officials to understand credibility in terms of welcoming a gay plague. With respect to COVID, the "credibility" blackmail became a way to constrain agencies. "I can't take public health agencies seriously if..." was not neutrally deployed in pursuance with public health goals, but individual ones. The waxing and waning of "credibility" tells us at least as much as about what different constituencies wanted as it does about how much public health officials were actually trusted before they dispensed advice.

I don't know how we fix all this. In some ways, it's not something that can be fixed; living in a diverse society where public action is hard is not something we ought to treat as a solvable problem lest we start answering with who must be forcibly "liquidated" or "purged" from society. Kennedy's appeal to virtue had to be said because it is very natural to ask what the CDC can do for me, and even on things I intellectually understood as reasonable compromises, I felt the frustration. Policy, including public health recommendations are so rife with tradeoffs you have to wonder if they even can be good to any decent standard of good. But I do know it's outright dangerous that we're lurching towards the next pandemic---H5N1, a bad COVID mutation, or otherwise---without grappling with these contradictions and challenges.

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clarionglass · 2 years

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It has taken me literally two years from me promising to do this to it actually appearing, but! May I at long last present the inevitable continuation of this piece of glorious mad fiction, based on the equally-if-not-more-so glorious characters and scenario created by @teashoesandhair! Like with the first part, I had an absolute ball stepping up the ridiculous formality in writing this, and I hope upon hope it’s worth the wait :)

In the Demonic Style, a Good Omens Mandy AU: Part the Second

Lilith-Anne Brandy-Mason knew quite a lot about uncles. She lived with a pair of them, after all, in a well-apportioned flat in Mayfair, its rooms decorated in gold and silver and jewel tones and old wood. They were the ones who had bestowed such an unwieldy moniker upon her, and she loved them for it—because that’s what one does with uncles, even when they are slightly embarrassing, and slightly strange. And if there were any words with which a nearly-eleven-year-old girl should describe Messrs Brandy and Mason, “slightly embarrassing, and slightly strange,” would be exactly they.

They were her uncles, of course. She knew this, because that’s what they told her, every day: that they were her uncles, and they desired nothing but the very best for her. It was one of her earliest memories, their insistence on that point. She was small enough to still be wheeled in a perambulator, and the three of them had been stopped by a woman in her middle age, with an expression so sour that Lilith-Anne, now with over a decade’s life experience, could only imagine that she must have had an entire lemon tree growing through her from head to unmentionables.

If she were to ask one of her uncles, she would be furnished with a much clearer recollection of the event. The angel Bryndael, known to humanity as Mr Brandy, could recall with ease the ugly sort of suspicion stamped across the woman’s features as she attempted to catch him and his demonic companion out in a perceived sordidness. A local busybody, she knew both of them by reputation, if nothing else, and was always eager to claim the moral high ground over any and all of her acquaintances.

“Mr Brandy?” she had asked sharply. “And Mr Mason? What are the pair of you doing with that child?”

Bryndael’s panic was immediate and all-consuming. “I’m, well, we’re her—”

“Uncles,” Mr Mason—the demon Manoch—had interjected, sensing the angel beginning to fluster.

“Yes, her uncles,” he agreed, latching onto the word with relief.

The woman was unconvinced, most likely since she knew they were unrelated, and had sniffed a haughty sniff in their direction. “Both of you?”

Mr Mason merely nodded calmly, leaving Bryndael to pick up the pieces. “I’m her mother’s brother,” he had offered in conciliation.

“Father’s,” Mr Mason added. “And we are giving her the best of care in their stead.”

It was beautiful, the way in which a typically-demonic twisting of the truth could be used for such good, and Bryndael, loath as he was to admit it, was rather taken by the quick response—as he was by the way Manoch’s electric black gaze, the same one that had thrilled—no, horrified—him through the aeons, had remained so perfectly level. Somewhat less satisfied with the answer than he was, their interrogator had sniffed her sniff once again, but had still returned to her own turn about the neighbourhood without further protest.

Lilith-Anne hardly remembered the event in such minute detail, due to only being a year old at the time, but it had nevertheless impressed upon he the importance of her relationship to the two gentlemen whose care she was under. They were her uncles, despite her being well and truly old enough to realise she looked nothing like either of them. People don’t have to look like their uncles, of course, but they were the closest family she had, and Lilith-Anne was still slightly put-out by the lack of familial resemblance.

What made the whole ghastly situation worse, in her mind, was that she had never seen any pictures of her parents, despite the recent blossoming of the photographic art. Her uncles were very firm on that point—her parents had perished in a fire shortly after her birth, and Lilith-Anne suspected the wound that such a tragedy had caused would never fully heal. Mr Brandy was still prone to tearing up at any mention of his sister—“That poor woman,” he would murmur, blue eyes filling, “that poor, poor woman,”—and Mr Mason’s brother was, according to his dark and curiously fearful mutterings, “most likely still burning.”

Even so, she would have liked to see some photographs of her parents. She was certain she must favour someone in her family, and for years had been quite determined to find out who this person would be. Many people who visited the teashop owned by the Brandy line for decades mentioned that the resemblance in that pedigree was quite strong, with father and son always apparently looking remarkably alike, and she was rather peeved the likeness had passed her by. Still, without any further clues, she suspected she must take after her mother, and was content enough to labour under that suspicion.

Not that Lilith-Anne Brandy-Mason would have cause to know as much, but she did in fact bear a startling resemblance to someone, or rather, a set of someones: a Mr and Mrs Young of Tadfield, a small village far from the bustle of London, and their daughter, a girl of a similar age to Lilith-Anne. A third golden-haired young lady, who rivalled Lilith-Anne for cumbersome appellations with the name of Theodora H. Dowling (a suitable title for the child of the ambassador from the new United States of America), also shared with them a certain similarity of appearance. The three young ladies also shared a similarity of birthdate and time—down to the very minute, as a matter of fact—a curiosity that nobody had noticed, save for the deity who had arranged it.

Now, if we were to imagine the God of this universe, we should imagine a baker twisting three strands of brioche dough into a plaited loaf, over and under in an incomprehensible pattern. The strands had already been twisted, and the interventions of Messrs Brandy and Mason, reaching into the pattern to tug on the wrong strands, only tangled them further. As it previously stood, to run with the brioche metaphor, Heaven and Hell merely saw a twist, not a braid, where:

The dough contributed by the Dowlings and started on the left side of the loaf, which we will call Strand A, had been cast aside to the right.

The dough contributed by the Youngs, which we will call Strand B, did not exist.

The dough that has started on the right, which we will call the Anticrust, the Great Yeast and destroyer of celiacs, had been twisted to the left.

In actuality:

Strand A had indeed been cast aside to the right.

Strand B, which had started in the middle, was now on the left.

The Anticrust, the Great Yeast and destroyer of celiacs, had been plaited into the middle.

And with a few more plaits, with the “help” of Bryndael and Manoch:

Strand A, from the Dowlings, was now back in its starting position on the left.

Strand B, from the Youngs, was on the right, where two man-shaped beings had their eyes on it.

The Anticrust, the Great Yeast and destroyer of celiacs, was still, unbeknownst to everyone, in the middle, Strand B's original position.

But nobody, save the baker herself, could tell which strand of dough ended up where.

Still, this wasn’t important—not for the moment, anyway, as it had been ten years and three hundred and sixty days since that particular loaf had gone into the divine oven of life, and although it was reaching the point of being done, so to speak—Armageddon would become a very pressing engagement in a mere five days’ time—the point of greatest current concern to Messrs Brandy and Mason was the time of their young charge’s upcoming Latin tutorial.

“I keep telling you, it’s at three,” Mr Brandy insisted from the hallway, in the tones of someone who had continued this argument for a very long time indeed.

“Four,” Mr Mason countered for perhaps the fiftieth time.

“Sometimes I swear you argue just to be contrary,” the angel fussed.

“Do not,” Mr Mason argued.

“Do so,” Bryndael returned, before cutting himself off to glare at his companion.

Mr Mason just smiled, sharp and roguish, before sobering. “I’m not joking about Lily’s tutorial, though. The tutor changed it last week, remember?”

Bryndael frowned suspiciously. “It’s just like you to insist on being late.”

“Only fashionably.”

“One cannot be fashionably late to a Latin tutorial!” Bryndael squeaked.

Mr Mason raised a strong and perfectly-formed eyebrow with a smirk. “One can be fashionably late to anything, if one just tries hard enough.”

“Well, I don’t want to try!” Bryndael protested. “And neither does Lily!”

“You’re not going to back down, then?” Mr Mason asked coolly. The answer was already known to him, but nevertheless, there had to be a formality to these things.

“Of course not!”

“One of us has to be correct,” Mr Mason pointed out, irritatingly reasonably. “And if you won’t believe me, there’s only one way to determine it.”

Bryndael sighed, a little huff that carried overtones of both petulance and anticipation. “Well. If you insist.”

Lilith-Anne Brandy-Mason knew quite a lot about uncles. It came with the territory, so to speak. However, she was fairly sure that between them, her uncles harboured more than a few peculiarities. Most people, if they were possessed of two uncles, did not receive a thorough instruction in the Good Book and the various figures through history who most embodied its teachings from one, and an equally rigorous tutelage in Machiavellian politics and the lives of ruthless conquerors from the other. Most people with uncles weren’t bade goodnight with two gentle kisses on the forehead, which accompanied the reminders to “crush your enemies beneath your heel, Lily,” and “treat all forms of life with the greatest respect and dignity, my dear.” Nor did most people’s uncles call each other “dear boy” or “angel,” particularly not in the public arena.

And she was almost certain that other people’s uncles didn’t settle their disagreements by smooching—or at least, not quite as passionately as the way in which Messrs Brandy and Mason were currently engaged. If they did, she had never seen it. By contrast, she had seen this particular scene more times than she could count, having often been called upon to adjudicate such contests.

After the twentieth minute, with no sign of the “victory” she had been taught to look for—but had never actually seen, not in any of the smooching contests she had witnessed—she cleared her throat significantly.

“It’s at half-past three, actually,” she said loudly. “Uncle Mason is right, Mister Huddlesthwaite did postpone my lesson, but only by half an hour.”

She watched, unsurprised, as her uncles parted with no small amount of reluctance. They used to spring apart with something approaching guilt, back in the days when their disagreements were over what Lilith-Anne recalled as much weightier issues, but now, the gentle unclasping of lip from well-smooched lip seemed to take almost as long as the contest itself.

“Oh, is that right?” Mr Mason asked, straightening his cravat with a carefully innocent hand.

“Dear me, how could I have forgotten?” Mr Brandy fussed as he smoothed his curls, then extracted an ornate silver pocketwatch from his waistcoat. “We’ll need to be off in—”

A lesser being than the angel Bryndael would have yelped upon realising how late he had let the time grow, thoroughly distracted as he had been by the caressing hands and wickedly clever tongue of his opponent in smooching. Even so, the noise of entirely dignified surprise that escaped him brought a devilish smile to the soft lips he knew so… professionally intimately, and his head once again was filled with images he did not care to dwell on.

“Now, my dear, now, come on!” he exclaimed, deliberately putting those warm thoughts out of his mind, and Lilith-Anne, who had been ready for the last fifteen minutes, carefully concealed a sigh as she was bundled out of the door.

She did not notice as Bryndael paused for a moment on the steps that led down to the street, looking back towards his companion of the last eleven years, and the millennia besides.

“Dear boy, was that really necessary?” he asked, the faint spark of confusion in his eyes lighting them the warm blue of summer skies. “If Lily knew the time of her tutorial already? I mean, we could have just asked her, yes?”

Mr Mason merely raised a shoulder in a laconic shrug, the corner of his mouth quirking upwards as he pulled the door shut behind them.

And far away in Tadfield, at that very moment, Eve Young reached a gleeful hand for the reddest, shiniest, most tempting apple from her neighbour’s tree, and, with the smallest of snaps, it separated gladly from its bough.

#clari writes #teashoesandhair #good omens #mandy #good omens mandy au #in the demonic style #once again local author does not know how to tag; more news at 7 #honest to god lads i didn't realise how much of a stumbling block the original opening line i had for this was????#i had this waiting as a draft for Years #finally went back to it #changed the opening line (to something i'm very proud of i must say)#and suddenly the whole thing was finished in a matter of 2 days #change up your opening sentences my pals

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iamanartichoke · 3 years

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I wrote a Thing. It’s extremely long. I’d prefer it not be reblogged; I wrote this for my own catharsis and would prefer it not be circulated, bc of Reasons.

I changed my mind, okay to reblog. <3

Under a cut for (extreme, did I mention?) length.

So I got about 12 minutes of sleep last night, as you do, and around 3am or so I found myself - out of sheer curiosity - going down a meta hole of Ragnarok discourse, trying to figure out where this "satisfying redemption arc" for Loki happened. (I mean, there's a lot of things I would like to figure out, but I started there.) Because I could.

Basically I was looking for meta that went into detail about how Loki was redeemed in a satisfactory way. The ‘satisfactory’ is an important word here bc there is a redemption arc in the film, in that Loki starts off the film as an antagonist (kinda) to Thor and he ends the film as an ally to Thor, standing at Thor's side. In that sense, yes, there's a redemption arc. I didn't find much (and I had no idea how much people just despise Ragnarok "antis" [I really dislike that word] but that's another topic [that I don't particularly want to get into, tbh]) but I did find some. I read what I could find, and I read it open-mindedly, and overall I came away feeling like, okay, there are some valid points being made here and I can kinda see where they're coming from.

But it was a bit (a lot) like -- flat. Idk. The best comparison I can think of is that it’s like if a literature class read, I don't know, The Yellow Wallpaper for an assignment, and some of the students came away from it feeling like it was a creepy story about a woman slowly driving herself insane, and the other students came away from it incensed at the oppression and infantilization of women in the late 19th century -

- and neither side is wrong, but the former is a very surface-level reading and the latter isn't (bc it stems from looking at why she drives herself insane, why she was prescribed 'rest' in the first place, the context of what women could and couldn't do back then, etc; basically, a bit more work has to go into it).

[Note: I am not disparaging the quality of The Yellow Wallpaper. At all. It’s just the first relatively well-known story that popped into my head.]

In this sense, I can see the argument for Loki's redemption arc, but I don't think it's a very good argument. Not invalid, but not great.

I mean, for example, I think the most consistent argument I found variations of re: Loki's redemption is that Ragnarok shows Loki finally taking responsibility for his bad behaviour and misdeeds. This includes recognizing that his actions were fueled from a place of self-hatred and a desire to self-destruct in addition to bringing destruction on others. That he probably feels awkward and regretful of these things and doesn't know how to act around Thor, but he figures it out by the end, and decides that returning to Asgard is the best way to show that he's ready to make amends. His act of bringing the Statesman to Asgard is an apology. He allies himself with Thor and ends up in a better place, both narratively (united with Thor once again) and mentally (having taken responsibility and made amends for his past).

And setting aside that he had already made amends by sacrificing his life in TDW (and also setting aside that the argument is made that Loki redeems himself in IW by sacrificing himself to Thanos but if that's the case, wouldn't that imply that he hadn't achieved redemption in Ragnarok or else there would be no need to achieve it again in IW? Or, if you think he did achieve redemption in Ragnarok, then what the fuck did he give his life in IW for? What was his motivation there, and why did the narrative not make it clearer? I digress.)

- setting aside those two factors, I think this is a very fair argument. Loki is fueled by self-hatred, and he does want to self-destruct, and he does want to inflict that pain on others as well (particularly Thor). No lies detected here.

However, I also need to know where that self-hatred and desire for destruction (toward himself and others) comes from and for that, we need to go back to Thor 1.

Thor 1.

Loki starts Thor 1 out as "a clenched fist with hair," to borrow a quote from the Haunting of Hill House (that I tucked away in my mental box of Lovely Things bc it says so much so very simply). He's very used to bottling everything up, pushing it down; he slinks around behind the scenes, pulling the strings to this plot or that. He's "always been one for mischief," but the narrative implies that the coronation incident is the first time Loki's done anything truly terrible. And it all immediately pretty much goes to shit, so Loki spends the rest of the movie frantically juggling all these moving pieces while trying to seem as if he's got it all under control, every step of the way. That's how I view his actions.

But I always come back to that quote where Kenneth Branaugh tells Tom, of the scene in the vault, "This is where the thin steel rod that's been holding your mind together snaps." In other words this is where Loki discovering he's Jotun is just one thing too many. He can't take it. But though the rod snaps, his descent isn't a nosedive. It's a tumble. As the story progresses, the clenched fist starts to loosen, the muscles are flexed in unfamiliar ways (that feel kinda good, after being stiff for so long), and it culminates with the hand opening completely and shaking itself out. All of that repression, that self-hatred, that rage and jealousy just explodes so that, by the time the bifrost scene happens, Loki's already hit bottom. It's not just about proving his worthiness to Odin. He wants to hurt Thor, too; he, essentially, throws a tantrum. (That's right, I said tantrum.)

(Note: The word 'tantrum’ has negative connotations bc we normally equate it with a toddler stamping their feet and screaming in the aisle when their parent won't buy them the toy they want. But in itself, the word tantrum isn't infantalizing. It's an "emotional outburst, an uncontrolled explosion of anger and frustration" [paraphrasing from dictionary.com]. That's exactly what happens here [and why Tom called Loki's actions a massive tantrum, but people took that to mean Tom agreed it was childish whereas I doubt Tom meant it that way]).

He's been pushed past his limit, and he does bad things. He does really shitty things. He hurts Thor, he hurts his family. I'm pretty sure he knows this all along so this isn't, like, some revelation further down the line that "hey, those things I did were probably kinda bad." He got the memo already.

Ragnarok

Fast forward to Ragnarok, and we're introduced to a version of Loki who's had 4ish years to sit with everything that's happened. To sit with it and not do much else. The rawness of it has faded, and now it seems as though it's just become a thing, like when you move through life aware of your childhood traumas and have more or less just accepted them (and you probably share a lot of really funny depression memes on Facebook, which is kinda the equivalent of Loki's play, but that's probably just me).

Loki has, more or less, chilled out. He seems more bored than anything else; he's been masquerading as Odin for longer than he ever planned or intended to, so he's more or less ended up hanging out, letting Asgard mind its own business, and entertaining himself with silly plays. This is the version that starts out the movie as an antagonist to Thor - a version that is, arguably, in a much different place [and is a much milder threat] than the version who originally did those Bad Things.

And of course Thor is still mad at him, and of course they're going to butt heads, because that's what they do (and Thor's grievances are genuine, I’ll add, bc it's not really his fault he assumed Loki faked his death, nor can he be blamed for being pissed about Odin).

One argument framed this version of Loki as being a person who is facing the awkwardness of coming out of a dark place, which is fair. If we're going to frame his actions in Thor 1 as a tantrum, then Ragnarok would be the part where the toddler has been taken home, possibly has had some lunch and a juice box, and is now watching cartoons. They're over the tantrum, and would probably feel pretty silly about it if they weren't, yknow, toddlers. They probably can't remember why they even wanted that toy so badly. If they're a little older and self-aware, they might even be embarrassed for having melted down.

Like the word tantrum, this feeling isn't a thing limited to toddlers. I know I've had a few epic meltdowns as a grown ass adult, and I know I always feel deeply embarrassed afterwards - like, want to crawl into a hole and die. I've said things I can't take back. Adolescents and teenagers throw tantrums, mentally ill people throw tantrums, adults throw tantrums (I mean, my god, look at all the videos of Karens having screaming meltdowns - screaming! - over having to wear masks in order to shop at stores). Humans throw tantrums. And usually, after the feelings have been let out and the tantrum has passed, humans feel pretty regretful and awkward and embarrassed about whatever they did and said in the midst of their meltdown.

I get all of that and agree it's valid and that Loki probably feels it. By the time Ragnarok happens, Loki's had some time to reflect and think hmm, yeah, probably could've handled that one a lot better. The argument further goes that in order to navigate this awkward period, Loki must come to terms with what he's done, acknowledge that some things can't be unsaid or undone, and begin to make amends. Supposedly, some people feel that Loki becomes a better person because he does "own" everything he did wrong and, even though he feels like a jackass (paraphrasing), he sets that aside to become a become a better person by choosing to help Thor and Asgard at the end.

Thus, the overall arc goes like this. Loki, Thor's jealous little brother,

throws a tantrum of epic proportions bc Reasons

continues to act badly and make things even worse (Avengers)

has to face consequences for his actions (prison sentence)

ends up with a stretch of time in which he's free to contemplate and chill out

feels embarrassed and awkward about how he's behaved

sees an opportunity to make up for it and decides to take it

helps Thor, saves the day, and ends the film a better person.

Redemption achieved.

None of this is wrong. The film supports it. It's a fair interpretation. But it leaves. out. so. much.

To circle all the way back around Loki being "a clenched fist with hair," and his actions stemming from his self-hatred, you have to ask - how did he get that way? He didn't end up with all this self-hatred on accident. Generally, one isn't born despising themselves, it's a learned behavior. (I realize chemical imbalances are a thing, obviously, as I have Mental Shit myself, but for argument's sake I'm assuming that's not the case with Loki [at this point in time]).

Where did Loki learn it? From his family, from his surroundings, from his culture. We see examples of these microaggressions in the first, like, twenty minutes of the movie - a guard openly laughs at Loki's magic after Thor makes a joke about it (the tone of the conversation implies that Thor "jokes" like this often) and though Loki does the snake thing, the guard faces no real consequences. Thor doesn't acknowledge that anything went amiss. Not much later, on their way to Jotunheim, Loki's barely gotten two words out to Heimdall before Thor cuts him off, steps in front of him, and takes charge. Loki doesn't look annoyed at this; he looks resigned.

Then, for absolutely no reason at all, Volstagg decides to make a jab at Loki ("silver tongue turned to lead?") just because he can. The ease with which he makes this comment and the way that no one else blinks an eye at it implies that this isn't out of the norm. And Loki doesn't react, not really. In the deleted version, he delivers a particularly nasty comeback but he delivers it under his breath, without intending Volstagg to hear it. In the final version, he simply says nothing, though his expression can be read as hurt or stung. Either way, the audience sees an example of Loki being walked all over by Thor and his friends and bottling up his reactions instead of standing up for himself.

Microaggressions matter. They are mentally and emotionally damaging. They hurt. The implication that this is not unusual treatment for Loki means that Loki's probably gone through this for most of his life. It's like the equivalent of being, I don't know, twenty two and you're the friend who has to walk behind the others when the sidewalk isn't wide enough, and it's been that way since the first day of kindergarten. At this point, you're used to it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less when the jabs come seemingly out of nowhere, for no reason other than to make you feel bad.

(I personally identify a lot with this bc I experienced passive bullying in social settings for years. I was the 'doesn't fit on the sidewalk' friend; I hung around with people who'd pretend to be my friend and would be more or less nice to my face, but would laugh at me and make fun of me behind my back for whatever reasons. And often there'd be the random jabs at me, things that would come out of nowhere to smack me in the face, followed by the fake laugh and “just kidding!" so that I couldn't even get upset without being made to feel like I was overreacting and couldn't take a joke. I'd deal with this socially, particularly in middle school when girls are their most vicious, and then I'd go home and, because I was the only girl with a lot of brothers and because boys are mean and because I am who I am, the dynamic was that my brothers would just endlessly roast me to my face and sometimes it was a "just kidding!" thing, where I was the only one not laughing. But that’s beside the point; my point is that microaggressions, passive bullying, and consistent invalidation are harmful and that shit stays with you into adulthood.)

So, yes, Loki needs to be held responsible for his misdeeds, and it's valid to say that he recognizes those misdeeds and wants to make amends. I have never disagreed with that. But the problem with this interpretation is that it lets every single other character who contributed to Loki's self-hatred and mental breakdown (let's just call a spade a spade here, that's what it was; he was broken psychologically) get off scot-free.

First of all,

Odin is not held accountable for instilling in the princes a mentality of Asgard first, everyone is beneath us but Jotuns are benath us the most, they are literal monsters. He is not held accountable for pitting his sons against one another (even if it was unintentional, he still did it) with "you were both born to be kings but only one of you can rule" being the general tone of their upbringing. He's not held accountable for his favoritism toward Thor.

Frigga is not held accountable for deferring to Odin both in supporting the above things and in keeping the truth of Loki's origins a secret while doing nothing to discourage the "monsters" narrative.

Thor is not held accountable for his own tendency of taking Loki for granted (he assumes Loki will come to Jotunheim, he oversteps Loki constantly, “know your place,” etc.. He grants his implicit permission for Loki to be treated as the sidewalk friend in their “group,” a group which is loyal to and takes their cues from Thor as Thor continues to do nothing in his brother's defense).

[Note: Wanting Thor to be held accountable for things he's done wrong isn't vilifying him. Acknowledging that Thor benefited from Odin's favoritism and his own place as Crown Prince doesn't negate Thor also being raised in an abusive environment. I don't think anyone's saying that or, if they have, it's not something I agree with.]

Furthermore,

Odin is not held accountable for his cruelty in disowning Loki (”your birthright was to die” is never going to be forgotten, speaking of people saying things that can't be unsaid or taken back) and in sentencing Loki to a severe prison sentence (life! only bc Frigga wouldn't let him execute Loki) for crimes that are no worse than what Odin himself has committed (around which the entire plot of Ragnarok revolves! Colonialism (and subjugation) is wrong is, like, a major theme [that people rush to praise, even] here).

Thor is also never held accountable for not trying harder to understand what made Loki snap (fair enough, he didn't have a ton of time after returning from Earth, but certainly he had lots of time to sit around reflecting while Loki was being tortured by Thanos for a year). He knows Loki is "not himself" and "beyond reason" and accepts it at face value; he questions it once and then lets it go. He's fine with assuming Loki's just lost his mind, and isn't that a shame. (I realize I'm simplifying Thor's emotions but my point is that Thor could've tried harder to figure out that Loki was being influenced and/or not acting completely autonomously.)

Thor is also never held accountable for - if not facing consequences for his own slaughter of Jotuns - then at least addressing why Loki can't kill an entire race even though Thor tried to do that, like, two days ago. (Granted, it’s difficult to understand how Thor got from Point A ("let's finish them together, Father!") to Point B (this is wrong!), but that failing belongs to Thor 1 (which is not, by the way, a perfect movie).

The interpretation that Loki is fully redeemed because he took responsibility for his actions, returned to Asgard, and allied himself with Thor to save their people is all well and good - but, why is Loki the only one here who has to take responsibility for their actions?

What about all the loose threads in his story?

For example, how did he get from:

Point A (believing himself a literal monster, having a complete mental breakdown, getting tortured and further traumatized after that, etc)

Point B (Hey, yknow what would be fun? I'm going to write and direct a play about how I heroically died to save Thor and Jane, and I'll go ahead and have Odin say he accepts me and has always loved me. I'm going to do these things because Odin never said this in real life and instead of acknowledging my sacrifice, Thor left my body in the dirt, so someone has to validate what I've done right and that someone might as well be me. And hey, while I'm at it, I'm going to control the narrative on revealing myself as Jotun to Asgard, instead of living in fear of it being found out, and I'm going to do it in a way that they have to sympathize with me and revere me in death, bc they never bothered to do so when I was alive. And Matt Damon should play me, also.)

Point C (Yeah, I guess I feel kinda awkward about that whole tantrum thing, also I should help Thor and support him being king.)

The answers to these questions are handwaved and the audience takes that to mean they don't matter. Furthermore, framing Loki's redemption around an act of service (more or less) to Thor makes Loki's redemption about Thor. Does Loki make this decision for the sake of Thor and of Asgard, or does he make it for himself? It's not super clear to me, and I think arguments can be made for both. Which, again, is fine, but - whatever.

If we're going to collectively agree, as a fandom, that Loki is complex, that he's morally gray, that he's worthy of redemption and therefore arguably a good person who's done bad things, then why is it asking too much to have it acknowledged that Thor (also a good person who's done bad things) played a part in Loki's downfall and has shit to apologize for, too? Bc one can only assume the reason is that you're taking a very gray concept and making it black and white by saying Loki has to apologize and make amends because he is the villain, and Thor doesn't because he is the hero (and it's his movie). And it's lazy.

This is where the crux of the issue lands. There's more than one valid interpretation, yes. And no two people (or groups of people, or whatever) are going to consume and therefore interpret or analyze the source material in the same way. I think I saw a post recently about how studies have been done on this, in fact. But, there is a lot going on under the surface that tends to get overlooked when exploring Loki's redemption arc in Ragnarok, as far as I can see, and that’s why I don’t consider it satisfactory.

[I did read similar arguments regarding other issues that are often debated ('debated'), like Loki's magic and/or being underpowered, whether or not Loki's betrayal of Thor was the natural outcome of the situation on Sakaar or not, whether Thor actually gets closure with Odin [if he does, how does he reconcile the father he's idolized with the imperialistic conqueror he's discovered? Why doesn't he hold Odin responsible for covering up Hela's existence and the threat of her return, especially as he knew he was nearing the end of his life? Is Thor's "I'm not as strong as you" meant to imply that he acknowledges those shortcomings of Odin's and that he's okay with them, or that he's just overlooking them, or is he not okay with them but didn't have the chance to get into it bc he was in the middle of battle? T'Challa confronted his father on his wrongdoings in Black Panther; could Thor not have had at least one line that was confrontational enough to establish where he stands as opposed to this gray middle? Can someone explain to me how any of this equates to Thor gaining closure? Please?) but obviously I'm not going to go into all of them (well, I tried not to), bc this mammoth post has gone on long enough (I may not even post this tbh)]

- but my overall point to this entire thing is that when I say I'm critical of Ragnarok bc it's flawed, that Loki's arc was neither complete nor satisfactory, that many things went unaddressed and, due to all of these things, I do not think Ragnarok is a very good movie nor a very cohesive movie, this is where I'm coming from. I have not seen anything to change my mind to the contrary.

But I am not saying that anyone satisfied with it is wrong, or shouldn't have the interpretation that they do. I'm not vilifying Thor in order to lift Loki up, just acknowledging that Thor is arguably just as flawed as Loki without the stigma of being Designated Villain. I think a lot of these arguments get overlooked or dismissed, and that's fine, but it doesn't make the people who do engage with them hateful, or bitter, or trying to excuse Loki's crimes, or feeling like redemption means that Loki's crimes should be erased rather than reconciled.

And sure, yes, perhaps we are expecting too much and exploring all of these themes (or wanting them explored) means that somehow we think it should be Loki's movie (we don't). Loki is a supporting character, but he's still a character. And the movie itself doesn't have to delve into all these things - no one's saying that. (At least, I'm not.) We just want acknowledgement, from the narrative, that this stuff was an Issue.

This could have been accomplished with -

Some dialogue closer to the novelization (and original script), like Thor and Loki both acknowledging the harm they've done one another and their kingdom due to their Feels.

A single line of Thor confronting Odin, or even asking "Why?"

A narrative acknowledgement that Odin did both Thor and Loki dirty (”I love you, my sons” isn't an apology, because it doesn't acknowledge either that there's been wrong-doing or express regret for having done the wrong in the first place).

A little bit more nuance in the way Loki treats his own past (ie, instead of flippantly telling the story of his suicide attempt, maybe - if it must be flippant - talk about getting blasted in the face with Hawkeye's arrow or sailing through to Svartalfheim [And in that moment, I sang ta-daaaa!]) or whatever.

I recognize that wanting full, in-depth exploration on all of these issues regarding a supporting character is probably too much to ask or expect - but, I also feel like, if you're going to be professionally writing a narrative (or rewriting/improvising, as it were), it's not too much to ask that a little more care be taken in regards to all of the layers that have contributed to said supporting character's downfall and subsequent redemption arc. I don't think that's an unreasonable thing to want.

And maybe if there had been more nuance and continuity in how these things were portrayed on screen (ie, if TW had actually done as good a job as his stans think he did), the fandom wouldn't have divided and conquered itself over which "version" of the same character is more valid and whether or not the film did its best to close out a trilogy (not start a new one), to the point where everyone in this fandom space makes navigating it feel like walking through a minefield.

But, I mean

(Again, please don’t reblog if possible.)

Edit: Okay to reblog. <3

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heyitsyn · 4 years

Text

Keeping Up With Seijoh Ep. 7

a/n: im sorry but takeru could take my uwus like hes so adorable yall 🥺😭

anon:

-LETS BE HONESTTT WITH OURSELVES. oikawa bringing takeru to practice cuz he forgot he promised to watch him n so he asks you to watch him while he rushes off to change— and then takeru goes OFF after he hears that YOURE the person uncle tooru keeps talking about. he basically just exposes oikawa, gets on your good side w all the embarrassing blackmail material he can provide, and oikawa comes back to you grinning like a madwoman HAHAHAHAHA c,:

tumblr moot:

-‘ Omg Takeru spills to his mom and grandmother how Oikawa had a crush and how awkward he is around this girl. Which leads to them inviting her over without Oikawa knowing. He comes home one day, a lil upset because yn wasn't at practice only to hear her giggling with his mother and sister while having tea ‘

NOW THIS IS THE REAL TEAAA!!!!!!!

TAKERU IS SUCH A MOOD MY GOD IMAGINE HAVING A CRACKHEAD UNCLE LIKE OIKAWA!!!!😭😭😭😭

uwu yes i love this req so lets start

so basically

two words:

uncle oikawa

bahahaha no not really but yes really tho

anyways

this is going to basically be the scenario where takeru has accepted you as his auntie

so sit down my little grasshoppers because this is finna be a long one

it all started when oikawa forgot his promise

now,

oikawa prides himself in being a know-it-all and being ‘responsible’ or shit like that but hes,,,,, far from that

like how he was currently running towards the gym where takeru’s volleyball class was at because he forgot that his sister made him promise to pick his nephew up since she was working overtime today

oikawa tooru didnt care about his appearance and the way he huffed as he sonic nyoomed his way there since he was more scared of what his sister would do to him if she finds out he was late

the sight of the gym door has never felt so good

‘TAKERU!!’

he yelled and a head peaked out that belonged to the one and only boy

‘uncle, youre so loud’

he chided and tooru rolled his eyes before grabbing his hand

‘hey, go get your stuff. im late and y/n is going go kill me if im not there’

takeru rolled his own eyes and went at a snail’s pace as he packed up his knee pads and his water bottles

‘TAKERU HURRY UP WHAT-!’

‘hmm,, dont lie uncle. you just want to see the pretty goddess nee-chan’

OKAY TAKERU DANG

so basically,,

its been mentioned that you call the boys a lot or its them calling you and oikawa happens to be the one who calls you constantly

and takeru lives with them and he’s usually up quite late so he hears tooru downstairs while talking to you

like one time, he couldnt sleep and his mom told him to drink warm milk to help him so he was just going down the stairs when he heard tooru laugh

now, dont get him wrong

hes heard his uncle laugh before so hes seen how he laughs around girls and it was like nails on a chalkboard

but this time, it sounded very genuine and his chuckles were almost,,, shy

and he figured that tooru was talking to a girl since he kept saying a girl’s name

‘y/n-chan~ youre so cute~ dont make me come over there and kiss you~’

oikawa cooed and takeru cringed

so he was talking to you

he was no stranger to your name as he once teased his uncle for being whipped and got an hour long rant about how beautiful you were and nice and angelic and how you were just an angel on earth

so yea he knew you

tooru’s voice became clearer as he stepped foot into the kitchen

even a child like him could tell his uncle was basically in love with you

and he doesnt even really know what love is!!

‘disgusting’

the child said and tooru, who believes in ghosts and is the biggest scaredy cat, shrieked at the sudden voice

‘oikawa-san? what’s wrong?’

your voice could be heard through his phone but tooru quickly told you good night and ended the call before he got off the chair and crossed his arms to stand in front of takeru

‘what did you say?’

he asked and takeru looked up at him, mimicking his pose

‘i said, its disgusting, uncle’

oikawa looked offended

‘what?! how could you say that?!’

takeru shrugged then he walked over to the fridge

‘yozora-kun told me that girls have cooties and we would die if we get it’

god it was such a childish thing to say but to an actual child like takeru, it sounded perfectly valid

‘its gross and nasty and he said you get all sweaty and you get a fever and ew’

tooru shook his head in disbelief before going over to help the boy get a glass

‘its not nasty or gross or disgusting, takeru. its actually,,, really nice. you dont die from it and you get sweaty when you get nervous and you dont get a fever, you just get flustered, thats all’

takeru still didnt believe him

‘well, he also said girls become monsters and they would eat your face’

KFJDSLFJSLDKIM SCREAMING

oikawa chortled

‘what?!’

‘you heard me. all girls are monsters and you should protect yourself, uncle’

but when he met you, my oh my, you were no monster

you were,,,,,, really really really pretty

poor takeru doesnt really know the real meaning of beautiful so he settled on you being really really really really pretty

like when oikawa dragged him in the gym, takeru stared at you

his mind couldnt process on the fact that someone as pretty as you even existed

but that doesnt really say much since hes only like 8

BUT STILL

oikawa was hurriedly shoving them both in the gym and he was annoyed that takeru was just standing there but he was really just watching you as you scurried around to give the team their towels

‘takeru! come on!’

tooru’s voice snapped him out of it so he finally walked forward

‘y/n-chan~!’

oikawa called out and iwaizumi was about to yell at him for being late but you already had your bad bitch face on and you were strutting over

‘oikawa tooru, do you know how late you are?!’

you scolded and pulled his ear down to your height

‘eeeehhhh~~??? y/n-chan dont be so rough! it hurts! dont hurt oikawa-san!’

he teased to ease your anger but you sucked in a sharp breath

‘ill make sure it hurts more’

oikawa turned pale and started pleading and stuttering

‘please pleaseplease y/n-chan, i had to pick up takeru and it was a total mess and-’

at the mention of takeru, you let go of him and you finally caught sight of the little boy

ohmygee he was so adorable and youre just a sucker for adorable kids so you kinda squatted to his height since the height difference wasnt that big

you gave him a big smile and waved a hand

‘hey, you must be takeru. im y/n’

the poor kid’s face turned red unknowingly and he stiffened before nodding aggressively

‘my name is oikawa takeru and i am 6 years old’

he hand out his hands to prove his age and you giggled before nodding

‘my name is l/n y/n and i am 16 years old’

you held out 10 fingers then switched to having 6 up like he did

‘waaaa youre,,,’

the boy paused to subtract with his fingers before looking up at you with wide eyes

‘youre 10 years older than me!’

you sweatdropped at the sudden thought of being old

‘hmm i guess i am’

you tilted your head to the side and continued to talk to the boy, completely oblivious to the stares from the others

they all sported a bright red blush and red ears at the thought of you being so good with kids and what if it was their own?

kindaichi gasped and held his hands to his face to cover the burst of all shades of red that decorated his entire face

OHMYGOSH THEYRE SO WHIPPED WHAT

‘ne, nee-chan, i know you’

takeru spoke as you led him to sit down on the bleacher, away from the practicing team and from any rogue balls

‘oh? you do?’

‘eung! uncle talks about you all the time! and he calls you too! i live with him, see, and nana yells at him for being on his phone during dinner because hes talking to you’

takeru admitted and you turned red, suddenly flustered

‘he talks about me? what does he say about me, take-chan?’

the little boy paused, holding his chin to think, then he lit up

‘he calls you beautiful goddess y/n-chan!’

YALL TAKERU IS SO CUTE WHAT THE HECK

‘he does?’

you asked, wholeheartedly surprised

takeru violently nods his head

‘yes! uncle talks about you all the time! my friend yozora wants to meet you too!’

‘hah? who is that?’

takeru sheepishly scratches his cheek

‘yozora-kun told uncle that girls are gross but uncle got mad and told him you were different because you were pretty and nice and yozora wants to see if you really were’

you laughed at the childish claims of this yozora boy

‘well,,, take-chan, do you think im gross?’

you asked, making the boy flustered again

‘no,,,, nee-chan is really pretty’

he mumbled while twiddling his fingers and you squealed before hugging him

‘oh, take-chan! you should visit more often!’

takeru nodded, smiling at how warm you were

‘eung! i love nee-chan! see? i can say i love nee-chan because im not a coward like uncle!’

you pulled away just slightly with a raised eyebrow

‘what are you talking about, takeru?’

the child puffed out his chest and his lip took on a smug angle

‘uncle talks to the mirror every morning! he says hes practicing! he takes forever just saying he loves you in the mirror and he doesnt let me pee! but its okay! because uncle can keep being coward but i get the pretty nee-chan!’

a disbelieving smile settled itself on your face and you absentmindedly caressed his smaller hand

‘what else does uncle do, take-chan? you see, nee-chan wants to tease him!’

takeru paused then lit up

‘oh! before i was born, mama told me uncle ate flowers because he thought his fart would smell like roses!’

‘hah?!’

your cries of shock made the boy laugh and you joined in with him

‘also! iwa-nii made me a tree house, right?! and uncle wanted to go in but he was too big so he got stuck at the front door! iwa-nii had to take the front part out and used soap to get him out!’

your cackles attracted the now ready captain and oikawa had an uneasy look

that little brat mustve told you some embarrassing stories based on how you laughed

‘oi! takeru! you shut your mouth right now, young man!’

he shouted and quickly stomped over to you at the bleachers

but you held the boy close, protecting him from the angry brunette

‘no! you stay away, oikawa-san! nee-chan will protect you, take-chan!’

you proclaimed and takeru was more than happy to snuggle closer and stick his tongue out at his uncle

you had a similar mischevious look and a wide but scary grin on your face that spelled nothing but trouble

was he,,,, being blackmailed right now?

tooru was scandalised at the thought and the act causign him to lunge over to you, tickling your sides so you could loosen your grip on the child

but you held on, giggling loudly causing takeru to also laugh when tooru’s fingers would touch his side too

‘no! stop-! ack-! tooru!’

you shouted but tooru was able to find an opening to grab takeru by under his arms and you reached over to grab him back but he was already lifted high

‘now what did you tell her, you brat?’

‘nothing!’

takeru shrieked but tooru hummed, not quite believing him

‘i dont think so’

tooru sat down on the floor and placed takeru on his lap with his fingers quickly hitting his ticklish spots

‘NOOO!!!! UNCLE!!!!’

you giggled and joined over, completely forgetting where you were and what your responsibilities are

okay can we take a second on how cute this moment is?

like despite the team practically being in love with you, they couldnt help but think of how much you guys looked like a family

iwa herded everyone to stop staring and keep practicing bc he knew that this was the first time tooru has been truly happy in a very long time

by the end of practice, you and takeru were practically best friends already

you were very sad to have to let him go home but he promised to come back soon

tooru gave him over to iwa so he could talk to you while you were packing up

you were putting on your jacket when you felt him tap your shoulder

with a smile, you turned around and he mirrored your grin

well,,, it was more like a shy and bashful grin

from behind him, you could see takeru being lifted by mattsun and his laughter echoed in the wind

tooru noticed your gaze then chuckled softly

‘thank you for,,, yanno,, keeping him busy’

you waved your hands around with a laugh

‘nonono! its okay! really! hes so adorable that i look forward to seeing him again!’

he let out a relieved sigh then placed his hands in his pockets, rocking on the balls of his feet

‘y/n,, youre really good with kids’

that comment made you flustered but you waved it off

‘nah, i just connect with them more. theyre so easily entertained and the innocence is nice’

‘well,, youll be a great mother in the future’

you chuckled then ruffled his soft hair

‘youll be a great father in the future then oikawa-san’

at first, he was just going to laugh it off but then the image of you playing with a child who possessed chocolate brown locks and beautiful e/c eyes appeared

he turned red and he fumbled for a response, completely speaking gibberish with no idea of what to even say

unfortunately for him, the team was not in a far distance and they could hear oikawa sputtering nonsense so to ‘help’ him, they started shouting for you guys to hurry up

‘come on! lets go, you guys! the bakery closes in a 10 minutes!’

makki yelled and you perked up and waved to signal you were going

‘come on, oikawa-san!’

you grabbed his hand and pulled him along

takeru noticed his uncle’s red face and a cute sly smile creeped up on his face

‘hmmm,,,,’

then he started a plan

and wow god must’ve wanted him to succeed because its like the fates and the stars and the universe just aligned

takeru was walking with his mom around a supermarket when he noticed your familiar h/c hair

‘y/n nee-chan!’

he shrieked before he could even stop himself and you were startled, wildly looking around for the person who said your name

‘nee-chan!’

takeru shouted again, running away from his mom towards you

‘takeru-!’

yall what is oikawa’s sister’s name? lets name her ‘tara’

tara shouted for her son and ofc ran after him when he didnt listen

‘takeru!’

you greeted back and winced a little when the force fo the little boy crashed into your legs

‘nee-chan! momma, look its nee-chan!’

takeru said when his mother caught up to him

‘oikawa takeru! you never run in the store like that again, you hear me?’

she scolded but then smiled up at you

‘oh hello darling, you must be y/n. im tara, tooru’s older sister and takeru’s mom’

she outstretched her hand for you to shake so you awkwardly shook it

‘uh-im l/n y/n’

‘momma! shes the pretty nee-chan i told you about! and shes the one uncle talks to every night!’

you cringed a little when takeru was excitedly talking as he was attracting other people with his loud voice

tara bless her heart noticed your discomfort and told you to go and follow her to the checkout if you were done

she ended up paying for your stuff despite your protests but she excused it as ‘consider this as payment for putting up that idiot brother of mine’

takeru wanted to show off so he held your bags but you still held on to their own to help tara out

‘ne, nee-chan! why are you not with uncle? its practice today, right?’

takeru asked as you three walked down the street

‘natsu’s sick so i was picking up some porridge for him to eat. i excused today because i wanted to take care of him’

takeru lit up

‘nee-chan! you should come over! nana wants to meet you too!’

tara rolled her eyes at her son with a smile

‘no, take-kun. nee-chan needs to go home to look after-’

‘ah, its okay, oikawa-san! natsu wont be awake for a while so i can spare an hour or two’

‘yey!’

tara made small talk with you while takeru hummed in front of you

‘thank you so much for putting up with my two boys, y/n. i heard from hajime that you kept takeru company while tooru practiced’

you nodded

‘it wasnt a big deal though. i love takeru, hes a sweetheart. and oikawa-san takes good care of him’

tara chuckled

‘as much as takeru loves to poke fun at tooru, he really does appreciate him you know? without a father, i worried on who would be his male figure. but tooru lived up to his title and takeru wants to do everything he does. like say, volleyball’

you followed along and you could see the little bits of tooru even by the way takeru walked

the little skip that his uncle had seemed to copy itself on to the nephew with even the happy humming

‘oikawa-san is,,, a really great person’

you off-handedly mentioned and tara looked at you from the corner of her eye

warmth blossomed in her chest because although she knew how much of an insecure and rash person her brother was, he deserves someone who talks about him with such love in their voice

even the look in your eyes was enough to make her think,

yep, you are the one

omg nana oikawa is ltr head-over-heels for you already

the love for y/n is an oikawa thing

when takeru opened the door, nana oikawa rushed to greet her grandson when she saw another person

a girl

‘nana! nana! this is y/n nee-chan! uncle’s pretty goddess!’

uwu nana knows who exactly you are

lets just say shes exactly like takeru and has witnessed her son lovingly talk to some y/n girl at 3 in the morning

and her son has expressed his love and admiration towards you every chance he can

so yes lets just say she knows who you are

thats why nana brightly smiled and quickly ushered you into the house

‘oh come in! come in! takeru-kun, go lead y/n-chan to the couch and make her comfortable! ill get tea!’

takeru nodded and he grabbed your hand with his small one to go to the living room

you awkwardly sat stiffly, not exactly knowing what to do as this entire family seemed to know who you are

takeru settled himself beside you and was actively talking about what they did at volleyball practice today

you were enamored in his story that you didnt notice nana walk in with a try of tea with tara trailing behind her with cookies

you moved to help her but nana shook her head with a gentle smile before sitting down at the chair beside the couch

‘here you go, dear’

you bowed slightly and held the cup of green tea

everyone was now settled and you were nervously tapping your finger against the cup

you dont even know why youre nervous

its like youre suddenly meeting your boyfriend’s family without your boyfriend actually there

‘so,’

you jumped a little at the voice of nana and she smiled at you

‘oh dear dont be so nervous! we’re not that bad! we dont bite’

‘unless you want us to’

takeru whispered and you giggled, ruffling his hair with your free hand

‘so youre the famous y/n-chan then?’

you nodded again

‘takeru told us all about his adventures at seijoh the other day and, well,, he likes to tease his uncle but,, we believe him’

tara smiled, remembering her son’s words

‘nee-chan, i told them that uncle was very weird and shy and awkward and it was so weird’

he whispered, yet still able to be heard by everyone in the room

‘oh my, when we heard that we couldnt believe a person, much less a female, could even do that to him! i worried that my son would never develop interest in any girl but it seems i was worrying for nothing!’

nana giggled and you couldnt help but smile, realizing her laugh sounded exactly like tooru’s

‘you know, y/n, tooru’s never really had a crush before. and believe me, id know but even with his last girlfriend, which was also his first, he didnt seem interested at her in that way-well, maybe he was but he wasnt exactly enamored with her like he is with you’

you knew little about tooru’s first and last girlfriend

it was the butt of mattsuhana’s jokes all the time but you never partook bc you could see how,,, sad,,, tooru looks whenever its brought up

but you turned red,hand waving at her last comment

‘oh nonono, youre wrong. uhh, how do i say this,, oikawa-san,,, he just appreciates me bc,, i,,, reject his advances,, and,,, bring him milk bread,,, and banana milk,,,, and such,,,’

you trailed off and the two older women shared a look behind their cups

heh, it was refreshing to have tooru do the chasing this time

‘you must be wondering how, we, you know, know you, right?’

you nodded at nana’s question

she chuckled then placed her tea down

‘you see, we are aware of tooru’s,,,, expiditions. and by that, we mean the interest of others in him and his returned interest. but hes our family so we know that his interest is,, actually fake’

you looked down, knowing exactly what shes talking about

‘especially with girls, we see his annoyance, his ignorance, and we’re not proud of it. but with you, when he talks about you, its as if he was talking about the,,, the love of his life!’

you were startled, not sure if you should be proud of that or confused about that

‘mom! dont say that!’

tara nagged but nana shrugged her off

‘no, i want to express my gratitude for this girl. y/n, i want you to know now that,,, my son is damaged’

‘takeru cover your ears’

tara hurried and the boy shot his mother a confused look but still did it anyways

‘tooru,,, feels that he shouldnt burden us as he’s now the man of the house after his father and i’s separation. and,,, perhaps its the past of his father’s but,,, he doesnt let anyone in, except for us and hajime’

nana oikawa’s eyes held sadness

a raw emotion that shouldnt be shown to a stranger but by how much and how often tooru talks about you, she practically knew you already

‘and he refuses to do anything that isn’t necessary. he hates doing pointless things unless they will serve him purpose in the future thats why he focuses on that damn sport so much, even giving himself injuries! i worried and worried for him but then,, you came along. all the sudden, i see the life in his eyes that was wrongly taken from him, be replaced and its all because of a girl. ive never heard tooru talk about someone else other than his team or hajime so it was quite a surprise for us that he found someone who was, what he considers, worth his time. and the way,, the way he looks when he talks,,, y/n, i believe you are what he says, an angel’

a sudden wave of tears appeared as nana oikawa looked up to meet your eyes and you let out a stiff laugh but you tightened your grip on your cup

‘you are,,, my son’s angel’

DKFLJSKDFJDSLKFJSDLKFJD MY FEELS

the conversation was quickly shifted by tara as she could see the conflict in the way your eyebrows furrowed and the rapid movement of your pupils

she knew that you were probably still at a stage that you didnt realize your captain’s real and authentic feelings for you and she didnt want you to find out this way

tara knows how emotional her mother can get regarding her son so she switched to another topic to not get too in deep with the whole situation

next thing you knew, you were giggling and laughing at nana oikawa’s merciless onslaught of her son’s childhood events

you attempted to hide your laugh by sipping your drink but it still came out wholeheartedly

‘yes! i wondered for a whole week as to why my roses were disappearing and i never would’ve thought id find my son eating them at 6 in the morning!’

nana cackled while takeru was so laugh-tired that he slumped over to your side, completely breathless

‘oh! dont forget the mickey mouse one! you see, y/n, we spent about a week at my aunts house and tooru saw a mouse! the poor child woke everyone up at midnight, screaming about a mouse sleeping next to him! and just to top it off, we visited disneyland and, whew, we just know now to avoid mickey mouse. to this day, that child is still traumatized by that cartoon’

meanwhile at seijoh,

oikawa was sneezing nonstop and iwaizumi has bonked him many many times now

‘OI! IF YOU GET SICK RIGHT NOW I WILL HIT YOU!’

‘OH GREAT! ILL BE SICK AND HAVE A CONCUSSION AT THE SAME TIME! THANKS IWA-CHAN!’

tooru irritably snapped and iwa was even surprised at how snippy he was

‘oi, what crawled up your ass and died today’

oikawa pouted then stomped his foot like a child

‘y/n isnt here today’

‘oikawa shes taking care of her cousin! she has a life outside of us you know?’

makki teased but flinched when tooru stomped his foot harder

‘but im her life! im all she needs!’

the entire team sweatdropped at the sight of makki and mattsun holding back their bara arms vice captain from beating up their captain

‘ill be sure to give him mickey mouse stickers next time!’

you teased and they laughed

there was still remaining giggles left when the door handle twisted and the front door opened, revealing the man of the hour himself

takeru perked up and ran to the door to greet his uncle

‘uncle! uncle!’

he exclaimed and tooru sighed before grinning at him

his ears twitched at a familiar muffled giggle but he thought nothing of it by excusing it as him missing you so much that hes now hearing you

the thought of you dampened his mood again

‘uncle is too sad to play with you, takeru’

takeru’s head tilted to the side and one eyebrow was raised

‘heh? why? iwa-nii bonk you too hard?’

tooru shook his head solemnly

‘no. my darling wasnt there today and-’

‘oikawa-san, welcome home’

you emerged into the small hallway and tooru’s jaw dropped

then he snapped out of the surprise and ran straight towards you, picking you up and twirling you around

‘Y/N-CHAN~~~~~!!!!!’

he cheered and you giggled, trying to hold on to his shoulders to stabilize yourself

‘dont be so loud, oikawa-san’

you chided but with a smile

tooru calmed down however he still held you in his arms and was looking up at you with a grin, completely missing the fact that youre even at his house

‘its so nice to have y/n-chan greet me at the door. its like i have a wife! you wanna be my wife, y/n?’

you blushed a deep red and flicked his forehead

‘oikawa-san, your mother and sister is-’

you whispered harshly but a sudden shout made you both turn

‘NO! NEE-CHAN IS MY WIFE! NOT UNCLE’S! SHES TOO PRETTY FOR A COWARD LIKE UNCLE! I WILL FIGHT FOR NEE-CHAN! SURRENDER, UNCLE!’

you and oikawa looked at each other exasperatedly but with a fond look in your eyes

‘go’

you whispered

‘avenge me, oikawa-san’

that was enough for him to drop you gently and run to tackle takeru, who was giggling and kicking the air

you returned to your spot on the couch but shrunk back at the smirks the two oikawa women were directing to you

nana oikawa wanted you to have dinner with them so you stayed and oikawa held your hand under the table

even though they could obviously see it but yanno just stay quiet

‘y/n-chan, as much as i love you being here and meeting my family, how did you get here?’

takeru proudly raised his hand and swallowed his food

‘I BROUGHT NEE-CHAN HERE! I SAW HER AT THE MARKET!’

tooru nodded and reached over to ruffle his head

‘thank you, takeru! you turned uncle’s bad day to a good one!’

you turned to him with a worried look

‘huh? did something happen while i was away?’

tooru shook his head and pouted at you with his puppy eyes

‘y/n-chan wasnt there at practice today and oikawa-san missed her very much and-’

‘oikawa-san, please refrain from speaking in third person’

‘BUT Y/N-CHAN-!’

again, the two oikawa women shared a look

yep, you are the one

oikawa naturally took it upon himself to walk you home by saying ‘y/n-chan shouldnt walk home by herself!’

but in reality, he just wanted to spend more time with you because he didnt get to do that today

he just wanted his daily fill of you

O_O

aNYwAys

you both were walking down the street, hand-in-hand

KDSFJLSDKFJ FLASHBACKS FROM THE OIKS ROUTE

‘i love your family, oikawa-san’

you said and he giggled

‘well, just wait a few years and youll be a part of it too’

you blushed and smacked him on the chest making him wince and exagerrate an ‘ow!’

‘your mom,,, really loves you. and your sister, and takeru! theyre really nice and im happy your family loves you so much’

‘what about you? do you love me?’

you hummed

‘eung! i love oikawa-san! and the boys! i love all of you!’

DKFLJSDKFJSDLKFSJD NOOOOO FLASHBACKS AGAIN TO THE KUWS EPISODE OF THEM LEAVING AND OIKAWA TELLING HER HE LOVES HER ANDFJDKFJSDKFLDKJ ACK! FEELINGS!

oikawa had a sad smile on but he didnt push any further

‘well! you met my family already so now its my turn to meet yours!’

you turned to give him a deadpan expression

‘oikawa-san, my father chased you with a broom. i dont think its safe for you to even step foot at my front porch’

oikawa scoffed and puffed out his chest smugly

‘hah! your oikawa-san is a strong man! he doesnt get scared over some broom!’

‘oh! oikawa-san! i need to get your opinion on this! i want to give iwa-san this mickey poster but-’

noticing that oikawa was no longer walking beside you, you turned around to see him staring at the spot you were previously at

‘oikawa-san?’

he didnt answer and you giggled

‘oh? is it mickey mouse? you scared?’

you neared the phone to his face and then his eyes settled on the terrifying face of the disney character

oikawa screamed

a/n: AAAAAAAAA WE FINALLY GETTING THROUGH REQS AND IM SO HAPPY THAT MY TEACHER IS SO NICE AND OMGOMGOMG MY FRIEND GOT INTO AN ACCIDENT AND WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HOW A BIRD GOT INTO OUR CLASSROOM AND SDKFJDSLFKJSDLKFJSDLFKJNOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways, how yall been? i know ive been gone for a hot sec but uwu hey!!!

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the-queen-of-fools · 2 years

Text

Coffee & Cowboys

Chapter 6

———

Word count: 1222 Pairing: Jack ‘Agent Whiskey’ Daniels x English f!Reader (no y/n, no descriptions) Rating: Mature (For themes. Might become explicit at some point) Warnings: Slow burn; minor angst; post-movie; AU, fix-it fic.

A/N: Super sorry for the long break. Family dramas…

———

“We’re an independent intelligence agency. Jack Daniels is an Agent of ours. A good one. Agent Whiskey.” He says.

You turn and look up to Jack’s face. He’s frowning, but it lessens when he sees you smiling. “I knew it! I knew you were keeping something from me, Cowboy!” You laugh to yourself as you process the new information. The lies, the secrets, the implications of what Jack has already told you. You aren’t mad, but you’re glad you weren’t just being paranoid or over dramatic about the weirdness and secrecy. Ginger and Champ watch as you have a quiet but passionate conversation with the invisible agent. The relief from your thoughts and suspicions being vindicated washes over you, and you realise just how tired you actually are. With the sudden packing, multiple car journeys, the long flight, the jet lag, and the continued stress of being haunted by a not-ghost cowboy spy, you can’t stop the yawn that escapes from you. At least the others in the room have the decency look apologetic for everything they’re realising you’re going through. “We’ve probably asked enough of you today.” Ginger says, “we can carry on tomorrow. You should rest, and it’s pretty clear Agent Whiskey isn’t going anywhere.” You only nod in response to her, and she escorts you from the office, outside to another waiting car. You and your bag are taken to the (very nice) hotel they’ve arranged for the trip. You barely have time to admire the view from your window, before kicking off your shoes, collapsing onto the very soft bed, and falling straight to a much needed sleep, the vague shape of a stetson wearing man staying just in your eyeline.

…

You wake early the next day refreshed, but still dressed in your clothes. You drag yourself from the bed, have a long, hot shower, and get dressed as slowly as possible to waste time. Luckily the sleep had taken care of the exhaustion, and you ordered a large room service breakfast, after you realise that the snacks from the flight were the only food you’d eaten all yesterday afternoon. Jack stays out of your way for the most part, allowing you your privacy, and the chance to wake up in your own time. After breakfast, you call Ginger, satisfied it’s a less ridiculous time of the morning. You talk with him about what he thinks her next steps will be, before another car with yet another driver takes you back to the ‘distillery’. Ginger meets you at the entrance, with a temporary security pass in hand for you to wear. It has your face on it, a still from one of the many high tech security cameras they must have all around this place. You attach it to the waistband of your jeans, and follow Ginger, ending up in a different part of the building to yesterday. Jack informs you as you enter that it’s Ginger’s lab, and you look around the room, seeing it filled with equipment and technology you don’t recognise. “No boss man today?” You ask, after looking at each one of the other people in the room. “No, not today. Champ is a busy man” “I can only imagine. Spy stuff, bourbon business. Lots to do…” You smile as a tech hands Ginger a clipboard. After she checks that the cowboy is still with you, you’re placed in a tube and scanned. You’re then directed in front of a screen, and Jack stand next to you while you’re scanned again. This goes on for some time, and Ginger frowns at each reading showing nothing special.

After a quick break for lunch, a somewhat exciting trip to the cafeteria, Ginger reviews the reports collated from the morning. “There’s nothing.” She mumbles to herself. She looks at you properly and continues, louder and clearer, “I was hoping there might be something to suggest Jack’s connection to you, but the scans and tests? There’s just nothing. Like…” “Like he’s a ghost?” You finish for her, earning a huff from the cowboy. “I ain’t a ghost if I ain’t fuckin’ dead.” He sighs. You look at him, glaring at the attitude radiating off of him. He shrugs a possible apology at you, but puts his hands on his hips in defiance. “Can I-, I mean, would it be okay…” You stammer out, before you take a deep breath. “Can I see him?” You’re quiet, looking at the floor, brows furrowing. Ginger is surprised at the request, though not as much as Jack himself. “Darlin’…” He whispers to you, taking a step forwards, and moving his hand towards your shoulder in comfort. He’s disappointed when it passes through you, a feeling that surprises him a little. Ginger just nods, gesturing for you to follow her to an attached room.

Jack follows the two of you, but can’t will himself to go through the door when you hold it open for him. He shakes his head at you, and you nod at him, mouthing a silent ‘it’s okay’. When you enter it fully, the room is all white, clinical, and the only noises are beeps from the monitors and machines that are hooked up to the body in the bed. Ginger whispers ‘I’ll give you a minute’ to you, and waits outside. It feels cold, not like the way the apparition version of Jack feels at all, even when he’s being short or is annoyed at you. You walk up to the bed, and are met with that stupid, moustached, handsome face. “Hey there, Cowboy.” You whisper to him, stroking a strand of hair by his temple. “Nice to see you actually exist,” you chuckle, but it feels hollow and leads into a sigh…

As much as Whiskey doesn’t want to be in that room, he wants to know you’re okay. It’s the least he can do, after you’ve basically put your life on hold for him. From the moment he first appeared in your kitchen, you’d listened, you’d tried, you’d actually helped. So when he slips through the wall and into the room with his own self in it, his heart nearly breaks at the sight before him. You’re holding his hand, and as he takes a step forward, he see the tear tracks on your cheek. If anyone ever asked him why he did it, he wouldn’t have an answer, but in the moment it felt right to him, to reach out and try to catch another tear as it falls from your closed eye. Your eyes shoot open and you gasp when the electric shock catches you off guard. It’s sharp, a sudden flash of pain from the static, built up in the blankets by your hand, you guess. You’re alone in the room, and you let go of Cowboy Jack’s hand, using it to wipe your cheeks clean and dry, taking a deep breath and slow exhale before walking towards the door. You find Jack waiting outside, still looking away from the medical room, frowning and silent. You tried to catch his eye to ask him how he’s doing, but you can’t. All Jack can think about was that for the smallest fraction of a second, he had felt the cold wetness of your teardrop, and the warmth of your hand in his own…

#Coffee & Cowboys fic #Martha writes #agent whiskey #agent whiskey x reader #kingsman 2 #kingsman: the golden circle

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