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fernandoswarcrimes · 7 months

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You’re Losing Me x Carlos Sainz

“Stop.. you’re losing me..”

Taglist: @morgan108 @diary-of-jj @shea-theodore @pitchandgrid @wifemase @hal3ynicol3 @alicerubyfloyd @nicanicksnica @formulafootballfan

Word count: 3.3k

To be added to the rest of the series click here -> 🌌

You say, "I don't understand" and I say, "I know you don't"

We thought a cure would come through in time, now, I fear it won't

Remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light

Now, I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time

“I don’t understand what the problem is.” Carlos sighed, rubbing at his face in frustration. You’d been at each other’s throats for forty five minutes now, and over something so trivial. What had begun as him (forgetting to do the dishes? Change the laundry?) had spiraled into an outright argument over him not helping around the house, to him being out so late all the time now. “I know you don’t.” You had muttered, shaking your head with a sigh of your own.

“I can’t do this right now, I told Lando I’d meet him for dinner.” Carlos spoke, his curt reply signaling he was done with the argument, with the entire conversation. He grabbed his keys and walked out of the kitchen without another word as you stood there watching him go.

This is how things always went as of late—at least, that’s what it feels like. It’s always just another small bump in the road, one that you would get over. Always something that wouldn’t stop you from being happy again. Now, though, it seemed like nothing was going to fix things between the two of you. Small bumps are fine until you look back and realize there’s so many, the road is no longer driveable.

As you shut the kitchen light off and walk into the living room, you pause. It was one of yours and Carlos’s favorite rooms in the house because of how the light shone through the windows, illuminating the room in a soft glow when the sun set. Dusk was setting in now as you took a seat on the couch, the room falling into darkness as you sat there by yourself wondering if it was finally time to end it or not.

Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?

I'm getting tired even for a phoenix

Always risin' from the ashes

Mendin' all her gashes

You might just have dealt the final blow

It wasn’t even the big things that made you wonder. No, it was the stupid stuff. The small things you wished so badly you could convince yourself to put up with. You knew what the two of you had was special, could feel it in your very being, but it was beginning to not be love anymore. It was tiring, you were tired. Your mother always told you that you reminded her of a phoenix, always picking yourself up and mending your own wounds, never letting anyone help you because you could do it yourself. Times like these, you wish she was wrong.

You didn’t know why Carlos would rather sneak around and lie than just be honest with you. Maybe it was a pride thing. Charles, bless him, had been the one to accidently fill you in on what Carlos has been doing behind your back. He didn’t even mean to, but when he asked if you were at the club with Carlos last week because he thought he’d seen you with his teammate, it was the final blow. You weren’t at the club. You had been at home. You had been waiting on him because he told you he was stopping by his parents house. He had told you not to wait up for him. It started making you wonder what else he’s been lying about and how long he’s gotten away with it.

Every mornin' I glared at you with storms in my eyes

How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?

I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick

My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick

It was five am when Carlos’s alarm went off, making you roll over and glare at him as he slept. Lately, it’s like you aren't even in a relationship anymore. You sighed as you got up, moving to the kitchen and knowing he’d get up in a minute to get ready for his morning run.

As you cooked yourself something to eat you heard him moving around in your room. The footsteps you’d once longed for around the house had become ghostly, the antithesis of what it once was. You dread the sound of them approaching.

It wasn’t like this came out of nowhere, you had sent him signals and tried talking to him to let him know that things between you needed fixing or changing but, he always brushed them off, brushed you off. You were starting to turn into a shell of yourself the longer you stayed in this relationship and dealt with everything alone.

“Love you.” He mumbled, nothing more than a force of habit, grabbing a water bottle and leaving. He knew that things weren’t okay. You knew he knew, and he knew you knew he knew, and on and on and on until the end of time. It didn’t matter what you both knew, though, because he wasn’t ready to admit that out loud that the love you two had was long gone now. The both of you were just going through the motions and with how shitty the season was going he wasn’t ready to lose the one semi good thing he had left going for him.

And the air is thick with loss and indecision

I know my pain is such an imposition

Now, you're running down the hallway

And you know what they all say

"You don't know what you got until it's gone"

The house was heavy sad and you were running out of options. The confusion and grief that came along with the thought of having to leave the man you loved for the last seven years was hard. Harder than hard. Some kind of word that hasn’t been invented yet, hard. You know that your pain and problems weren't easy to deal with, but hell—he isn’t exactly Mr. Emotionally Intelligent, either. It just made you feel guilty that you were feeling this way and maybe that was the reason Carlos was pulling away.

So you did what any normal person would do, you called your mom and asked if you could come stay for the weekend. You needed to get away for a while, clear your head and figure out what you needed to do for yourself and there was no better place to do that than home. You packed a weekend bag and left after Carlos headed to Baku. The time you spent with your mother was eye opening. She had given you advice that you oh so badly needed to hear.

“Why do you keep letting him treat you this way?” she asked you, nudged a cup of tea an inch closer to you. “This is not the way someone who loves you should treat you.”

She was right, it wasn't how you were supposed to be treated. So it was no surprise to hear from Carlos when he got back and noticed you were gone, you’d left him a note on the fridge but apparently that wasn’t good enough. He didn’t realize all the things you usually did for him until you weren’t there to do them. Like help with laundry, cooking dinner and cleaning. Of course his mother raised him right but that didn’t mean he still wasn’t a guy who got comfortable with how things were.

My heart won't start anymore (Stop 'cause you're losing me)

You didn’t go to a lot of races, had your own career and your own life that was more than the title of girlfriend, but Barcelona was one you always attended. Things hadn’t gotten any better, but you still wanted to be there to support him—even if you knew it was going to be the last time. You stood next to Blanca, listened to her gush about her upcoming wedding, about the flowers and the dress and the table runners. You didn’t have the heart to tell her you’d have to miss it.

“Have you two got your outfits together yet? I know my brother can be pretty forgetful sometimes” Blanca asked, looking over at you with a happy smile. You did your best to give her a smile back, Carlos hadn’t mentioned it, but you didn’t want to burst her bubble. “I’ll remind him tonight, I’m sure you’re going to look absolutely beautiful.” You meant that, even if you aren’t going to be there to see her in person.

As Carlos pulled the car back into the garage after the race it was almost routine, he’d get out, take his helmet and stuff off before walking over and giving you a hug. You hang on a beat longer than normal, soak it all up—his hair and his smell and his skin and his arms. “I’m going to go grab my things,” you mumbled, motioning him to his waiting family before moving off to go grab your things. You didn’t plan on standing around for any longer than necessary. Each passing moment is nothing more than another opportunity for your heart to break.

How long could we be a sad song

'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life?

I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy

And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier

Fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me

I'm the best thing at this party (You're losing me)

And I wouldn't marry me either

A pathological people pleaser

Who only wanted you to see her

Your relationship, if it can still be called that, seems to long outlive its expiration. You don’t know how much longer it can go on like this, all the uncertainty. It felt like nothing but a sad song stuck on repeat, something that you couldn’t come back from. There had been times where the both of you got this way in the past but you were able to bring the relationship back to life but this time?

This time things were too far gone.

You had given him nothing but endless empathy everytime Ferrari screwed him over, everytime the media pulled quotes from their ass, everytime someone twitter blamed him for someone else’s mistakes. It was always you there for him. You were the only one fighting for him, right front and center when he had a bad race or when strategies didn’t work out, everything.

Yet, it was for nothing.

“Don’t ignore me Carlos, please,” you said softly, but the crack in your voice is clear. You’re at a party—Lando’s, drug here against your will, against your better judgment. You knew he needed to let loose, but all you wanted was to talk to him. You knew you had to instigate, that he’d ignore you all evening if you didn’t.

He was still losing you.

Everybody talks about the seven year curse. You never saw it coming, even if it was staring you square in the face.

1. You stop being curious about each other

First, it was the little things. No more questions, no more answers. You didn’t spend your time telling him about your favorite breakfast foods and he didn’t spend his time asking. Years came and went, and you thought it was endearing that there weren’t questions, that it was proof your relationship was strong. He knew you like the back of his hand, you’d told yourself.

2. You start keeping secrets from each other

The secrets, though, that’s a new development. A few months ago, he never would’ve sat at the table with his phone face down, never would’ve leaned away from you when he typed or managed to spend time with Lando even when Lando wasn’t in town.

3. You’re spending less meaningful time together

It’s hard to spend time with someone who’s never around, who never wants to be around. That’s all there is to say about that.

4. You start taking each other for granted

It was no secret Carlos had taken you for granted. Everyone knew it, they could see it anytime the two were together. You were at his beck and call, his personal chef, his maid and his housekeeper and his butler. His trainer and his assistant and whatever else he might possibly need.

5. You don’t discuss your goals anymore

You stopped wondering if he would ever propose two years ago. Well, you told yourself you stopped wondering. Everytime he asked you to go out or suggested you dress up nice or acted even the slightest bit weird, you were bouncy at the idea of him on one knee.

6. You’re drowning in criticism

What was harder than accepting you were never going to be his wife, maybe, was coming to terms with the fact that everyone else wanted it more than you. Seven years is a long time. It hung over both of your heads like a storm cloud of implication. You wondered if he ever planned on marrying you, or if the last seven years have been nothing but fun to him.

And lastly

7. You have no fight left

If you still had any fight left in you, you wouldn’t be googling the seven year curse while he silently sat at the other end of the sofa. You remember the moment you lost it, that last little bit of fight and fire. You remember it easier than you remember what it felt like to be in love with him.

You had shaken your head as Carmen sent another article of some “close friend” talking about how the media was portraying you as a pathological people pleaser. It hurt. Sure, you knew marriage wouldn’t fix everything but it was the fact you didn’t feel wanted or appreciated anymore that finally broke the walls down like a wrecking ball.

Carlos looked over at you watching you shake your head and pocketed your phone. “What’s that about?” He asked, he could tell something was bothering you and he had an inkling of what it could be, but, he wasn’t going to bring it up. If he did, that would make things real.

“Nothing, just… just Carmen sending me another article. I wouldn’t marry me either, you know? Since I’m such a pathological people pleaser,” you looked at him, waiting to see what he’d say. But when the room fell into heavy silence and he just continued to look at you, all you could do was give a curt nod and purse your lips as you got up off the couch and walked upstairs. You couldn’t stand looking at him anymore if he wasn’t going to fight for the relationship you two had.

Sure, you may have been a people pleaser, but that’s just who you were. You liked helping, liked making people happy. But the one thing you wanted most of all? You only wanted Carlos to see you, to see that you’ve been there for him through everything. Not as a complacent stand-in girlfriend, but to mean something to him like you used to back when.

And I'm fading, thinkin'

"Do something, babe, say something" (Say something)

"Lose something, babe, risk something" (You're losing me)

"Choose something, babe, I got nothing" (I got nothing)

"To believe, unless you're choosing me"

Two weeks had gone by and all you could think about was begging him to do something, to say something, anything, to you about how he was feeling. Give up his pride to show he still cared and loved you like you had loved him. It was his choice to make, you couldn’t force him to love you. He had to choose, all he had to do was choose.

But when he didn’t, you took it as a sign. Stop kicking a dead horse, pick yourself up and get on with your life. If he won’t then someone else will. Slowly but surely, every time he left for a race you’d pack up more things and ship them to your parents house. It took a bit longer than you figured it would but when you’ve spent seven years living with someone you realize just how much of your life is grounded in one place.

Once you had gotten all that you had, you stood in front of the dresser mirror looking at the necklace that you had on, remembering the memory of Carlos giving it to you when you both were teenagers. Your fingers play with it and it brings tears to your eyes to reach behind your neck and unclasp it. This would be the first and last time you ever took it off since being gifted it. As you held it in your hand, all crumpled and ready to be tangled, it made you realize that this was real, you were taking the step and finally walking away like you should have when all of this first started. You grabbed your bag off the bed and sat the necklace down on his nightstand knowing he’d find it whenever he got home. Taking one last look around the room you walked out and closed the door behind you, leaving the house key on the kitchen counter as you passed.

A necklace and a house key. The only implication that you were ever here, that you never would be again.

You're losing me

Stop (Stop, stop), you're losing me

I can't find a pulse, my heart won't start anymore

Carlos didn’t realize it until it was too late. He had unlocked the front door and the house was eerily quiet and cold. He frowned, set his bags down and realized you must’ve gone out. He checked his phone to make sure he didn’t miss a text from you letting him know, but there was nothing. No text, no call, nothing. It confused him even more as he shut the door and walked further into the house.

He paused when he entered the living room, everything looked normal until he sat his hands on the back of the couch making him pull his hands back in confusion, the fluffy blanket you always had laid there was gone. That made him look around the room even closer, quickly noticing the books and candles you had on the coffee table were no longer there. The pictures above the fireplace were gone, every single trace of you ever being in the house was no longer there.

He skipped half the steps on the way up the staircase, through the hallway and into your room; empty and cold, like the rest of the place. He moved over to the closet swinging the door open, his breath catching in his throat when he saw your side totally bare and empty. The dresser drawers matched.

But he noticed something out of the corner of his eye, laying on his nightstand. As he walked over the tears started pooling in his eyes as he picked the item up, it was the necklace he had given you when you both were sixteen. He had gotten it for you, wanting to show how much he loved and appreciated you. Holding it now just signified how much he had fucked up. You had never taken it off, no matter how many fights you two had gone through over the years. Never. Not until now.

You had given him so many signs that he blatantly ignored or brushed off thinking you would always continue to be there for him despite him acting the way he was.

And now?

The relationship that was so full of love had died and he couldn’t find any way to bring it back to life.

He finally lost you and it was completely his own undoing.

#imagine #formula 1 #series #midnightsseries #midnights song drabbles #you’re losing me #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz x reader #formula one x reader

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ninapi · 4 months

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°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

- ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ Family ❜┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌

Premise: Raising someone else's child is one thing, but raising your own while dealing with your insecurities could be quite a task, especially for a man like Satoru, but the moment he saw the baby his life turned upside down.

Word Count: 3104

Note: This is the third installment for a short series of mine, they all have different titles because I'm weird like that lol, but you can read the first part here, and the second one here.

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When Satoru took Megumi in, he didn’t have to do much besides giving him financial support and make sure he had everything he needed as a growing child.

He was already the person he is to this day, and Saturu had very little to add to this. So when he realized what having his own baby was going to be, his already existing demons started to kick in.

While is normally the mother the one who tends to spiral into despair thinking of the future of their newborn and the changes impacting daily life, Satoru had more than one reason to feel uneasy.

He loved his girl and his unborn child, there was no doubt there; but the implications of being a parent were heavy for a man like him.

Dealing with the elders was one thing, but being a good dad was a very different one.

All he was good at was fighting curses, that’s what he came to this world to do, but having to think of how to be a good dad was definitely more scary than a special grade curse.

Megumi was way more ready than he was, in fact, without Megumi your pregnancy would have been quite the nightmare. But he was always checking up on you, helping you with tidying the apartment, even took you to the hospital check ups and went in the doctor’s office with you.

Some even thought he was your son, to Megumi’s displeasure.

Satoru on the other hand tended to flee when things like this came upon, excuses were easy to come by when you’re the strongest sorcerer. But in reality he was beating himself over and over again for his own behavior while sitting on a cliff.

He wanted this, he wanted to be with you, wanted to have a family with you. Or so he thought at first, but what does it even mean to have a family? His was anything but conventional and he had no idea where to start.

You were his life now, he didn’t care about the future of this world if he was being honest, he never did really, all he wanted was to take you to a Polynesian island and live in a fancy luxury tree house with you, the baby and Megumi. But life wasn’t as easy, he had to deal not just with the damn old men hunting his every step, but also his responsibilities in the school, he couldn’t just disappear, not with another teacher and a top tier student tagging along.

He wanted to do better, be a good husband, a good dad, not just to his baby but to Megumi as well, he felt like he’s been failing everyone he truly cares for and that was a feeling like no other, one he could live his entire life without encountering it ever again.

But time for cowarding around ended sooner than he expected as time runs extremely fast when you don’t want to deal with your problems.

He got a call from Megumi, he was at the hospital, water came out of you and you were tugging on his hair while screaming in pain, you were certainly dying so he had to come fast. It all sounded like a nightmare to Satoru, he truly thought you were dying, he’s never seen a pregnant woman on the later stage of pregnancy deal with it, and Megumi either, so they were both panicking on a bench this very same moment.

“I can’t lose her, Megumi…what am I going to do if she dies? What if the baby dies too? What if I have to raise the baby on my own? I can’t do this…I would rather be killed by a curse…maybe I should turn off my infinity…yes, someone would come and kill me as well, then we would all die together…” a loud smack could be heard rumbling over every wall of the hospital. He’s never seen Megumi this angry before, “Can you stop and be a god damn adult for once in your life? (Y/N) needs you. She’s in labor right now, delivering your baby! She’s in so much pain, things are coming out of her, she’s probably so scared right now, and all you’re thinking about are ways of getting yourself killed!”

Satoru’s cheek was quickly getting red and swollen, how did he even manage to touch him that easily?

Zenin’s are truly a terrifying clan.

“Why does nobody care about me being scared? I can be scared too you know? I know I’m the strongest sorcerer, but that doesn’t make me the strongest husband or the strongest dad…”

Megumi was left speechless, he never thought the great Gojo Satoru would admit being scared, “Do you think I’m not scared? I love her ok? She might be your girl, the mother of your child and what not, but she isn’t just a crush to me, she’s also the only mother figure I’ve had, the only person who truly understands me and cares for me. I don’t want her to die!” tears were falling down Megumi’s cheeks as he vented all his worries out of his very constricted chest. He’s the one who’s been by your side during your whole pregnancy, what if this was his fault? What if you were in so much pain because he didn’t take good care of you? Those words kept flooding his head and Satoru was just as lost as he was in that moment, he didn’t know how to reassure his adoptive son and was in need of reassurance himself.

That was until loud cries could be heard coming from the room you were being kept in.

“What was that-“

Megumi’s ears perked, he couldn’t hear you at all, why was it so loud, he needed to confirm you were fine. “I don’t know, who’s crying? That’s not her, I’m sure…”

“Of course is not her, you idiot…” the door opened up to a very tired looking nurse, her gown was covered in what looks like blood wiped out not long ago, Satoru’s face paling the moment he saw her.

“Is…I-Is (Y/N)…” his voice was cracking, all his memories with you going into his brain like a movie.

“She’s fine, she’s currently holding your son, would you like to go in? She’s asking for Megumi, I assume that’s you?”

“No, that’s me! Can I go in too then?” the nurse was very confused but nodded anyways. Megumi ran inside the room, falling down to his knees when he saw you smiling, holding a little bundle to your chest, “Oh thank god….”

“Gumi, my love, come meet your baby brother!” you looked so tired, yet so happy, he thought he’d never get to see your beautiful smile ever again.

“Are you ok? Is the pain gone?”

“She’s fine kid, giving birth is no easy fit, hope this experience helps you respect women for what their worth. Men would never be able to give birth, they’d die within minutes.” the nurse’s words made you chuckle, it was true after all, especially for your spoiled boys.

“Toru? I didn’t know you were here, I thought you were at work! Come meet your son~” Satoru was still by the door, he thought he’d lost you, the very same feeling he felt that one day you almost die in front of his eyes, just that this time felt even more real as he saw the dried blood on the nurse. He didn’t know how to react, relief was present that’s for sure, but he was also terrified, he was happy to hear you were fine, but you were holding his son right this moment. He had a son now, officially, he is a dad now.

“Babe?” the confused look in your face made him move from his spot, he couldn’t put more stress on you, not after you had to deal with all that just to bring his son to this world.

“So a boy, huh? I thought it’d be a girl…” Megumi really wanted the baby to be a girl, to look just like you so he could snuggle the baby’s cute cheeks and spoil her rotten.

“Mhm, I haven’t named him yet, I wanted Toru to see him first…” Satoru was now standing beside you, his eyes not going down just yet, though his range of vision was so wide, he could see a tiny hand moving out and about and it made it so hard for him to keep ignoring him.

Once he finally got the courage to look at his son, his brain released a triple shot of dopamine right to his heart.

How can a newborn be this cute? They’re usually all red and wrinkly, not at all pretty. But his son…he got his blue eyes and silvery hair, but his face, he looked just like you. The cutest thing he’s ever seen. “Is he…” the moment he opened his mouth the baby started wailing loudly, startling his father.

You were rocking the baby from side to side making him know everything was fine, “Sweetie, c’mon hold your son.”

“But he’s crying (Y/N)! How do I make it stop?” you set the child in his arms, once their eyes met the baby stopped crying, a lil yawn leaving his lips, this causing Satoru to smile. “Oh, I think he’s just tired…aren’t you my beautiful son?”

“It’s a combined effort of both sides after all, he did have to help mama a lot during the birthing process.” The nurse was finally ready to leave you to rest and needed to take the child with her. “He needs to come with me, Gojo-san. But I need a name so I can set him in the room with the other newborns.”

“I was thinking of naming him Suguru…you know…to honor your frie-“

“No.”

“But baby…”

“I said no.” his stern tone of voice made your heart sink, you thought he’d be happy about this, it was some sort of a surprise even.

Megumi saw darkness loom over Satoru’s eyes and thought of intervening. “Shion.”

“What was that, love?”

“Shion, my brother’s name I mean..” the fact that he referred to the baby as his brother made you feel so much love, even Satoru’s face softened at his words.

“Gojo Shion it is then.” the nurse took the baby from Satoru’s arm and he’s never felt this empty before. “Do you really need to take him? I mean he’s a newborn, is not like he needs friends right now. Wouldn’t it be better for him to hang out with his family than with other babies?” his reasoning was beyond cute, even to the stoic nurse.

“Look sir, the child isn’t going to a baby party, he needs a check up and that’s the process in general. If everything goes out well you’ll be able to take them home in a couple of days. Now if you excuse me..” The baby was half asleep and his little hand was out of the blanket still and Satoru felt like his life lost all purpose, his son needed him so much right now, he needed to be tucked cozily under his blanket and there was nothing he could do to help him…he felt completely useless…

Megumi was cleaning your face with a wet towel, making sure your pillow was all fluffed properly, while Satoru spiraled into sadness.

“Can you get the blanket in her baby bag? There’s also some warm socks in the front pocket.”

Satoru could feel Megumi’s murderous stare and that made him go back to earth, “Yeah sure. Socks…socks…here.”

Megumi just stared at his hand with so much hate, yet he didn’t know what he did wrong this time. “What?”

“(Y/N)’s socks, not the baby’s socks…”

“Oh! Right…” he needed to get himself together, you needed him just as much as his son did.

“Here, my love.” he got your feet covered with your favorite fluffy socks, then leaned to kiss your head lovingly. Megumi covered you with the blanket he brought for you and went over the snacks he packed to replenish your strength.

“Isn’t he the most beautiful baby you’ve ever seen?” you sounded so tired, exhausted even, but to him you were the most wonderful and beautiful women in this universe. The mother of his son.

“Of course he is, he’s my son~” that made you chuckle.

“We are parents now…how does that make you feel, Toru?” that question hunted him for months, but now he was ready to answer it truthfully. “I’m scared…I don’t know if I can be a good dad…But I’m also the happiest man alive…you’ve given me so much…I want to be the man you and my son need me to be…” his face wasn’t one of happiness, it was more one of realization.

He felt so much…it was overwhelming.

But the moment he locked eyes with his son, he just knew it, this was it, this was the real reason he came to this world, to bring his son to life, to give you and his son a happy life full of beautiful memories.

“Gojo-sensei…I think she needs rest…” you were giving him a soft loving smile, your thumb rubbing the back of his hand while he processed what just happened.

“I’ll stay here, you go back to the school.” he wasn’t there for you when you needed him most, when you were confused and in pain, when you needed his love and care. But he was here now, and he wouldn’t let that happen again.

He grabbed one of the chairs by the wall and brought it next to your bed, his hand reaching for yours once more before dimming the lights, “I’ll stay here with you, baby. Just rest.”

Megumi left after making sure you had everything you needed with the promise of coming back next morning with a fresh change of clothing for his guardian.

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Having a newborn baby in the house was a whole adventure, at least according to Satoru.

He had to learn everything about babies in a couple of days and lets just say books aren’t as reliable in the subject.

Babies cry a lot and figuring out what the problem was isn’t as easy as he had hoped for.

Not only that but your nipples were sore from breastfeeding causing you to frown all day, Megumi was in a bad mood because the baby didn’t let him sleep at night and he ended up stepping on a dirty diaper this morning, twice, barefoot.

While to others this might sound awful, Satoru was living his best life.

His son was just as in love with him as he was and he was livid. Putting him to bed was his self assigned job and his favorite part of the day. He’d go on talking forever explaining how his technique works and all he had to do to perfect it, of course his son didn’t understand a thing, but his voice really soothed the child so they both loved their bonding time.

Megumi would sneak in your room and sleep while hugging one of your legs while Satoru took the child out to get some sunlight in, even if he denied it, he was very much jealous of his baby brother, he just didn’t get as much time with you as before and he had no excuses to be babied like the infant was now. He wanted more and didn’t know how to ask for it, so even if you and Satoru were aware of his sneaky nap times, you both appeared ignorant to the teen.

Being a mother suited you so beautifully though, there was nothing Satoru loved more than seeing you with his son in your arms. The way your loving eyes landed on his little face, the kissy sounds you made at him to make him giggle, it was all just so perfect to him.

And being a father suited him just as much. The baby carrier he had hanging from his chest daily and the way he would always hold one of his tiny feet in one of his hands as he walked by proudly was the cutest thing this world had to offer.

He was a happy man.

Of course, him parading around with his child made the elders realize what was going on pretty fast.

Thankfully the child didn’t display any sign of inheriting infinity, at least not yet, something he had shown almost since birth, which made them back off quite fast with the promise of him trying to conceive further children with you.

Of course, he didn’t want this. Not because he didn’t want more babies, but because it terrified him knowing one of them could very well have it and be taken away from you. The thought of his son being exploited the way he was as a child was a constant nightmare for him.

But reality plays dirty tricks on you when you least expect them..

You being such a cute mama and having those swollen breasts full of milk caused…unexpected results…getting you pregnant once more before Shion even turned four months of age.

For someone who didn’t understand the concept of family, he was quite good at making one.

His first family member being the lovely teenage boy who loved the mother of his children more than anything in this world, more than him to be quite honest. But he regretted nothing, Megumi was as important in this family as little Shion was and the little baby girl inside your growing belly.

The family kept growing at an exponential rate, and this world was anything but safe. But having the strongest sorcerer by your side did help quite a lot, specially now that he’d gotten the titles of strongest dad and strongest husband to the list as he very much wished and thought never would.

His family was not conventional, it was broken even, starting with him.

But it was perfect the way it was.

He chose his own family after all.

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

Masterlist

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu gojo #jujutsu sorcerer #jujutsu fanfic #fluff #gojo satoru #gojo fluff #gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojou satoru x reader #gojo x y/n #jjk gojo #jjk #jjk fluff #jujutsu x reader #jjk x reader #jjk x you #daddy gojo

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magics-neptunes-things · 5 days

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One Love (6)

Hi guys :)

This is the new one for my Luna's serie. I hope you will enjoy it, please let me know what you thought about it :)

TW : Injury, blood, surgery.

It was a summer break. Everything is supposed to be fine; Lucy and Ona were supposed to be enjoying her holidays, but there is something bothering Lucy for days now. And it has nothing to do with the surgery she had some days ago for her knee and being able to play at least one more year. She was looking to be able to play at the next World Cup to be honest. Only Ona knew it because she didn’t say anything to someone else.

And Ona was taking so good care of her. She was even more gentle and caring than ever, even if her usual nature makes her be. Lucy has seriously started to ask herself if her girlfriend have the ability to read her mind. Because, sometimes, she just thinks about something and several seconds after, Ona is asking if she wants that precise thing. The first time she thought it was the hazard, but living with it constantly since days now, it’s a little bit scary.

Because of the surgery, she has an impressive amount of kiss, hugs and massages, which she really doesn’t mind. She doesn’t have the right to go swimming for now, but just sitting by the pool with her feet in it while looking at her girlfriend in the water is enough for her happiness.

That’s exactly what she was doing at this moment. Because of the surgery, they didn’t go to Menorca or another place, Lucy needs to rest and it was obvious that Ona wouldn’t let her do something stupid. When she comes to Lucy, Ona doesn’t take support on Lucy’s knees like she usually did. She put her arms on the edge of the swimming pool and let her cheek rest on one of her arms to look at her girlfriend.

“Are you alright?” Ona asks gently.

“I’m fine” Lucy responds, even if her mind was spiraling some seconds ago. “I’m a little hot maybe.”

“You’re always hot” Ona smirks.

Lucy snorts and look at the Spaniard getting out the pool. Coco and Narla are both laying somewhere in the garden in the shadow of a palm tree. It’s hot today, Lucy’s right.

“Where are you going?” Lucy asks while looking at Ona.

“Taking you something to drink. You have to stay hydrate, mi Vida.”

“Don’t go inside with your feet wet, you’re going to make marks on the floor.”

Ona mimics her while getting up, making Lucy laughs slightly. The English woman hit Ona’s thigh with her hand in a playful way in return. Ona could have let things like this, but just when Lucy turns back, the youngest leans over her to wring her long hair, dripping fresh water into Lucy’s back.

Lucy yelps, making jump the two dogs who should definitively be used to these kinds of fights.

“You’re so dead, Batlle.”

Ona giggles, running into the house. She loses time opening the door of the safety gate surrounding the pool, allowing Lucy time to get up. The dark-haired woman chases Ona inside and she’s sure that she almost heard Narla sighs before she lays down again.

“Your feet!” Lucy shout to Ona when the Spaniard reach the inside of the house and she sees footprints on the floor.

Of course, Ona slips. But, by a miracle-like reflex, Lucy managed to catch her before she bumped her head on the ground. The team would have been mad to learn that their player got a concussion while fooling around her house.

“Are you going to torture me with kisses?” Ona asks with a smirk, standing up again.

“No. More like I will torture you not kissing you.”

“What? Lucy you can’t do that!”

********

Several hours later, both of them are laying on one lounge chair. To apologize, Ona made Sangria and with some crisps it’s even better. Minding Lucy’s injured knee, Ona is still wrapped around Lucy. Who definitively kissed her several times despite her treats.

“We should make it one for when our parents met what do you think?”

Lucy immediately tenses up when Ona addresses the subject that has worried her terribly since several days. At first, she thought that’s it was great idea, her parents meeting Ona’s parents, her brothers getting along together with her nephew and her niece in the middle of all that. But now she’s scared as hell. What if something goes wrong? They don’t even speak the same language.

“No?”

Ona’s voice takes Lucy back in reality and she looks at her girlfriend with a fake smile.

“Yeah”

“What’s going on?”

Ona frowns slightly. Of course she realizes that something was on her girlfriend’s mind. She just doesn’t know what.

“Nothing, I’m just… What if our family don’t get along?”

Ona seems so surprised that Lucy almost regret having talked about her fears. At least they would have one to be optimistic about this diner.

“Why won’t they get along?” Ona asks.

“At first because they don’t talk the same language? I know that your brother can talk English and that you can translate if something’s needed to, but how the hell are they suppose to talk together?”

Lucy is agitated, Ona can tell. That means that her fears are real and Ona is talking with her most soothing voice when she answers.

“Like you said, our brothers get along well so it’s a pretty good start. I’m sure that your nephew and your niece will be a great entertainment if things are a little tense at first. But I don’t think it will be that way.”

Lucy hums, letting Ona’s stroke on her arm calm her a little bit.

“Plus, their sons get along well, but their daughters get along pretty well too”

Ona said smirking, kissing lovingly Lucy’s neck. It was another attempt to help Lucy to relax, but she feels the English woman’s body tense again.

“Oh my god. Are they like no sex before marriage or something?!”

Ona bursts of laughing this time, pushing a little on her arms to sit down and have a better look at Lucy. Hearing Ona’s high laugh makes Lucy smile and Ona is almost crying laughing when she talks again.

“Do you think they would have let me play football and will still talking to me if they were conservative or something? Have you seen me?” Ona giggles. “You are the first of my girlfriend they have met, but they knew I had others before you.”

Lucy grumbles this time, not really liking to hear about Ona’s past relationship, which she knows is totally hypocritical of her because Ona sees Keira almost every day. Without another word, she takes Ona against her again with authority.

Ona is still smiling about her girlfriend’s concern but put her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder again. She strokes softy Lucy’s bad knee and think a little before saying something else.

“Everything’s gonna be alright mi Vida. As long as your father don’t say that he supports Real Madrid, it’s going to be ok.”

“He better not” Lucy snorts.

********

Ona was right. Their family get along pretty well, their differences of language being erased by Lucy’s dad’s Portuguese and Ona’s mother’s basic English. She almost learn it only earing Lucy and Ona talking together but it was enough to have a great conversation with the Bronze.

“You are lucky to have two grandchildren already” Ona’s mom says at one time during the diner.

Alfred and Alzira were playing with Narla and Coco in the garden after the dessert. Ona and her brother Joan, sitting next to each other, exchange a glance. Lucy almost chock on her sangria, making Jorge smirks at her sister in front of him. Ona spat her girlfriend on her back. They already talked about having kids together, but that’s true that they never talk about it to their relatives.

“Yes, I am” answers Diane Bronze, smiling when the Batlle’s stay silence. “Maybe I’ll have more one day.”

“Oh, so you want a third?” Joan asks Jorge, ready to push her sister under the bus to save his ass.

“Nah, not at all” he laughs. “I love my children, but two is enough. Now that I can sleep at night again, no one will never take that away from me again.

“Two is good” Lucy mumbles, glancing at Ona from the corner of her eyes.

“Joan is older and with his girlfriend for longer” Ona points, not having missed her brother move. “It would make sense if he has kids first.”

Ona smirks when Joan try to crush her foot under the table and miss because she moves on her chair. The shift makes her closer to Lucy, who kind of mistake her girlfriend’s movement, thinking that Ona is looking for some physical touch. The Catalan woman really doesn’t mind when Lucy puts her hand on her lower back though.

They all are saved from this conversation by Narla barking when Coco tries to steel one of her rocks.

Later that night, when Ona’s family is back to Villassar de Mar and Lucy’s is in their room, Ona can’t stop to think about the conversation they had about children. She wants to have children with Lucy, but they both are professionals women footballers, being pregnant mean to have to stop for like nine months at best. Lucy said she wanted to carry a child first after she stops playing, but she wants to be able to play the next World Cup, in 2027. Won’t it be too far from now?

Lucy, who was checking that the doors were closed, fine her girlfriend standing up in front of the bay windows of their bedroom, lost in her thoughts. So lost that she doesn’t hear her coming. Ona jumps when Lucy takes her against her, her front glued against Ona’s back.

“What’s torturing your mind, Beautiful?” Lucy whispers.

“Nothing” Ona answers before turning in Lucy’s arms to cuddle against her. “Today was great.”

“It was” Lucy smiles softly.

Her concerns were useless and she’s very relieved to see that everyone had a great day. But she feels like her girlfriend is hiding something from her and she doesn’t really like it.

“I can hear your brain, Bonita.”

“Yeah? What are you hearing?” Ona smirks.

“That you are hiding heavy thoughts from me.”

“That’s an easy answer.”

Ona is smiling when she looks up at Lucy, who put a strand of Ona’s hair behind her ear. She doesn’t have to ask Ona to talk to her one more time, the Spaniard opening easily to her.

“I was thinking about the conversation from today, about children.”

“What about it?”

“You said that two children are good, were you saying that to stick with your brother or was it more for us?”

“Oh, for both of it” Lucy shrugs. “I think that two is a perfect number honestly. When you are three, I feel like there is always one who is away from the two others, look at my sister. I’m pretty sure that almost no one know that I have a sister.”

Ona nods, following Lucy in their bed when she takes her by the hand. She only has a brother herself and she’s not sure that she would have get along so well with him if she had another. Or a sister.

“Would you rather have boys or girls?” Ona asks with curiosity.

“I don’t really care. All I want is healthy children with the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“And here was I, thinking that you wanted to have children with me” Ona sighs dramatically.

Lucy pinches her ribs, making her squeak and trying to escape Lucy’s arms. But Lucy doesn’t let her, stopping her tickling only when she scared to wake the children up. When she stops, she was on top of Ona, her faces separated by only several centimeters.

“I love you, even if you are an idiot sometimes” Lucy whispers before kissing her.

“I love you too” Ona smiles softly. “But you can stop your kisses now, because there’s now way we are doing anything with your family around.”

“Oh, come on.”

********

Some days after that, the break is over, and the season is starting again. Lucy’s knee seems to be good enough for her to play without having a care to give for now, or at least more things to think about it. It’s a good news for both of them, Lucy being happy to be able to play like this and Ona seeing her girl being happy. With Mapi back from injury, they are almost always starting in the defense every match, unless some of them is being rested.

Their families went to the first game together, before the Bronze had to go back to England. It was noticed by the fans of course, but none of them is bothered by that by now. Ona and Lucy still chose to stay private but not secret, even if the video of them kissing in the crow of a football stadium went viral.

They are playing against Levante today and they went to Valence to play the game. After the training, when they are sitting on their cubby, Ona comes to Lucy before going in the tunnel.

“How’s your knee mi Vida?” Ona asks softly.

“I’m fine Princesa. Stop worrying, you’ll be older than me soon.”

Ona rolls her eyes but help her getting up anyway. They slowly follow the other in the tunnel, talking with Salma and Jana.

The game went great, Ona knows some of the players from the other team, but like always she putted her relationships on the back of her head for the game. It’s not the same after the game though, and the Catalan woman always enjoy catching up a little bit with her friends like this.

It’s ironically one of them who take Ona down, soon after the beginning of the second part. It was one fair challenge, until her opponent casually shoves her crampons into her ankle while walking on her foot.

Ona’s cry of pain is audible in all the stadium. Alexia is at her level when Ona grabs her foot in pain and the blonde saw Lucy coming straight for them. It was what Alexia thought, until Lucy passes right next to them and go right for the girl who hurt Ona.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” she shouts, pushing her hard.

Ona gets distracted from her bleeding ankle by the scene.

“Stop her, please” Ona whispers to Mariona, crouched beside her.

The Majorcan sights softly before getting up to stop the scene before Lucy get carted with red. It would already be a miracle if she doesn’t have a yellow.

“Lucy come on, breath” Mariona says a little harsher than Aitana who were actually trying to stop Lucy.

The English woman glares at Mariona, but she doesn’t seem impressed by it.

“She could have broken her ankle!”

“I know but she doesn’t. Your girlfriend is currently getting treated, so maybe you want to check on her before the game starts again no?”

Lucy sighs, rolls her eyes to the referee when she shows her a yellow card but jog to find her girlfriend. Ona’s sock is red with blood and Lucy grimaces when she saw that the team needed to cut it with a scissor to take it off.

Alexia sends her a disapproval look when she crouched next to Ona. The Spaniard is laying on her back, one arm on her face while one of them team medic is currently stitching her wounds.

“Hey” Lucy says softy, removing Ona’s arm from her face. “You’re ok?”

“Yeah” Ona answers, without loosening her jaw. “Did you get a yellow or a red?”

“Yellow” Lucy answers absent-mindedly, looking at her girlfriend’s injury. “Will you be able to play after that?”

“She won’t” one nurse answers for her.

Ona pouts and Lucy squeeze her hand. Thanks god, even if she has several stitches, it doesn’t seem to be a bad injury. Lucy looks up when she hears her name being called. The game is about to start again. And, even if she doesn’t want to, Lucy has to be back.

Not being subbed until the end of the game, Lucy had to watch Ona getting out of her view to received other care and maybe painkiller. She doesn’t reappear until the 92nd minute, some seconds before the referee whistles the end of the game.

When Ona came back on the pitch with crutches, Lucy feels her heart tightens a little bit. She made her way to Ona, passing a protective arm around her shoulder.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. I got six stitches though.”

“If Mariona didn’t stop me, she will have got six stitches too” Lucy grumbles.

“Even if it was hot, I’m glad she stops you. I was the one sending her, to be honest.”

Lucy pouts but doesn’t have time to answer anything, other people coming to check on Ona. Staying next to her like a bodyguard, Lucy glares so hard to the girl who hurts Ona that she didn’t come to excuse herself one more time. At some point, she passes her arm around Ona waist to help her staying up. And when it was time to go to the changing room, Lucy doesn’t hesitate one second to take her girlfriend in her arms to carry her inside, in a bride style.

Ona took good care of her during the summer, it’s her turn now.

#woso imagine #woso fanfics #ona batlle #ona batlle imagine #lucy bronze imagine #lucy bronze #ona batlle x lucy bronze #lucy bronze x ona batlle

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linddzz · 3 months

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Here an assortment of Facts About Morpheus in the Red Flags AU. Where I'm starting to lean more towards the version where they meet and are already into each other before the ""Fake Date"" Incident:

-Jessamy is the raven he took care of when he found her injured outside of his townhome. He now has a room with a window he often keeps open for her to fly into whenever she feels like it. I don't know how legal any of this is in London but tbh it doesn't matter because he also does not know what the laws are and doesn't care.

- His townhome is very dark maximalist in decor, which tends to surprise people at first. There are houseplants and little statues all over, and the walls are hidden behind millions of bookshelves. There is an art studio room and books scattered everywhere. Very recently, hypothetical visitors would notice a lot of child locks and child proofed areas that have a bit of a panicked "I bought every safety thing in the store bc I have no idea wtf I'm doing" energy to them.

- He has a therapist. Yes, the Morpheus that Hob meets is the upgraded version who is actually working on himself already. This is what the improved personal growth version of Morpheus is like.

Anyway, said therapist is Gilbert F. Greene. Because Morpheus going head to head with an unstoppable force of old timey adorable optimism who will also not take his shit is delightful. Dr. Greene insists on going by first names and Morpheus always makes "Gilbert" sound like a slur in retaliation. Some conversations I imagine include:

"Good morning Gilbert, you will never guess who had what you might call a """relapse into self destructive behaviors"""" last night."

"I am very sorry to hear that my dear boy. Let me say though, that I am so very proud of you for calling me! That is a phenomenal step for you and it's wonderful that you are being proactive in your recovery."

"Don't patronize me Gilbert. I will hang up."

(this ended up being super long so I'm just gonna spare y'all's dash. Warning for some lightly touched on mentions of drug use and self destructive behavior.)

- Him getting a therapist was part of the requirements for gaining visitation rights and then weekend custody once a month with Orpheus. The therapy is actually helping, and he's bitter about that.

- His given name is actually Dream, he goes by his middle name. All the Endless siblings have awful names. Desire goes by Adonai because who calls a fucking child Desire???

When Hob meets the rest of the family, Destiny goes "it's good to see you again, Dream" and Hob begins turning to Morpheus like "lmao who tf is named Dream" only to find Morpheus glaring daggers at his brother.

- The Endless parents are rarely around. Some of the siblings still live in the manor and they all use it for family dinners, but it's common for their parents to be off travelling for years at a time.

- Morpheus is an author and a painter who has a bajillion pen names to go with each genre he writes in, so it's hard to figure out exactly how much he's written. Even before becoming a father though, his face and full name is mostly associated with children's fantasy stories that he illustrates himself, and his Art vs Artist vibe is very Miyazaki.

Him and Calliope collaborated on a series of illustrated poetic translations of ancient epics. Their divorce was exactly as messy as one might imagine the divorce between two passionate artist types might be.

- His downward spiral of self destruction started before the divorce but oh boy did it nosedive during and after.

- When she got pregnant after divorce proceedings had started, there was a moment where they were both meeting with lawyers and one asked something along the lines of if this meant they would try for reconciliation and staying together. Calliope said "no" immediately.

It's not like Morpheus exactly thought they would get back together, but the speed and firmness of that hard "no" had his head screaming with white noise and some badly thought out self medication for months, which ended up being why Calliope got full custody and he is just now able to get more involved with the now two year old Orpheus.

- His rebound with Thessaly was also messy. She was just in it for a fun fling and he was... Morpheus. He found out he got dumped when she informed him she was already in the process of moving back to Greece, and Johanna said he needed to be banned from any more beautiful Greek expats from that day forth.

- No one can figure out what the deal is with him and Lucienne. The simple explanation is they're queerplatonic soul mates. Lucienne's wife Gault thinks they're a bit codependent (not an inaccurate assessment), but is more civil with him since the day she yelled at him to go get an actual therapist instead of constantly putting his shit on Lucienne, and he actually did. (It is unclear if this or Calliope demanding therapy for him to get visitation with Orpheus was his wake up call catalyst, but probably a bit of both.)

- Lucienne was originally a personal assistant. She now works as his editor since she seems to be the only person who can keep track of all the shit he's written. She is also the only person who can get away with critiquing his works in progress without sending him into a fit where he might burn all his manuscripts.

- When Morpheus started mentioning this Gadling guy a lot, Lucienne paid a visit to the pub. Not to do anything so crude as to threaten a man's life if he breaks her sensitive friend's heart. What could she do anyway? No no. She's just here to smile with zero trace of humor and ask some questions while looking him up and down through her spectacles. Hob will later describe this as one of the most pants shitting moments of his life, and he felt like he got transformed back into a primary school kid who talked slightly too loudly in the library.

- Morpheus went through a slutty phase during and shortly after University that was less of a healthy and fun exploration of his sexuality and libido, and a bit more "I will take anyone who will have me in any way they will want me and I know that if nothing else, I'm pretty."

- Him and Johanna used to have a game seeing who could get more free drinks in one night. This had to be put to an end when it turned into the catalyst for at least three screaming fights between them.

Fight subjects were

Quality vs Quantity. Morpheus insists his ability to get people to buy him a single glass of wine that costs £50 beats Johanna's cheap beers. Johanna disagreed. loudly.

Is it cheating when Morpheus ran to the bathroom to smudge on some eyeliner and then stole Johanna's lip gloss? Is it further cheating when Johanna realized that his main method of getting drinks was "act like Adonai"? Accusations that he would ever act like his horrid annoying younger sibling sent Morpheus into an absolute tantrum.

Competitiveness DID overcome sibling rivalry enough for Morpheus to go to Adonai for makeover assistance. This backfired because it made Morpheus hot to the point of intimidating, and Johanna won that night.

- After Hob starts flirting with him, Morpheus goes suspiciously into a Romantic, Pre-Raphaelite inspired art era featuring lots of noble knights with dark sunlit hair. A lot of them seem to be lured in by dark haired fae entities all La Belle Sans Merci style. It's disgustingly obvious.

-Therapy has made him juuuuust self aware enough to know that he MAYBE tends to go a bit hard and fast with romance. This makes him a little more cautious with Hob than he usually would be, and he's doing a bit of "Hob is so nice and sweet and interested but I'm gonna mess it up :(((" pining. Everyone around him is fucking sick of it. He is not self aware enough to realize he's still going super hard and fast, but this time he's doing it while sighing sadly and drawing Hob in his sketchbook all the fucking time.

#red flags au #human au #Dreamling #gonna make my pinned masterpost to organize shit later today djdjdksk

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aroacewxs · 3 months

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my personal interpretation of cyberpunk dead boy

finished the event story today (thank you sekai.best my dear buddy pal) and looped the comm numerous times and studied the lyrics under a microscope, so i will now ramble a bit about my thoughts!! spoilers for backlit lens flare.

cyberpunk dead boy, from what i can tell, describes how modern consumerism and fame affects artists. it tells the story of an artist who started out with big dreams of portraying their feelings through their work, but slowly began spiralling into this pit of numbers and recognition and a vain desire for attention. whatever they wanted to communicate with their audience no longer has any substance or thought. they are then left wondering about whatever it is they dreamed of before this. what was the story they wanted to tell? does it even matter anymore?

cyberpunk "dead boy." the artist no longer lives for their art. there is nothing to breathe life into. are they even alive at this point?

on the other hand, we are also given the perspective of the consumers. consumers who don't care about the thought put into a piece of art, consumers who only care about whether this will make them feel good or not.

when you connect these two, you get a vain, lost artist who no longer sees their audience as individual human beings, but as VIEWERS. BUYERS. and these members of the audience are also trapped in this loop of consuming, throwing away, and finding something else to sink their teeth into. there is nothing meaningful being created.

rui's 4 star illustrates these audience members quite well. see, none of the passing people are. people. they have electronic devices for heads, and they're all glued to their phones. the little child holding their parent's hand, it should be a very wholesome and endearing sight, but it just feels wrong. there is no connection being developed between the two. this card depicts this haunting dystopian society where art no longer carries any weight for the human race, and we are all just left as hollow vessels with a mindless desire for meaningless entertainment. we don't develop any connections with other human beings, and the feelings that rui wants to evoke within his audience are futile.

on that note, the themes in this comm and the cards are incredibly oppositional to rui's own philosophy. what HE wants to achieve with his own art, his dream. compared to the thoughtless robots this artist sees their audience as, rui is incredibly caring and treats every single living being with such soft tenderness. he sees his audience as people. everything around him, the nature, the interactions he has with others, every single detail in his environment is a source of inspiration for his work. every single detail means that much to him. and whenever rui encounters a new artwork, a new play or story, he never just plays it off like "YUP another play. same old." he practically takes apart each layer one by one, studies it intently and tries to understand what kind of meaning the artist wanted to communicate. he then applies it to his own life, and to his own work. to think that rui would ever treat art and stories as something to just be eaten, thrown out, and forgotten about, is unfathomable.

this only leads me to wonder about the role sakaki will play in wxs's current arc. we ended off the story with ohara explaining to sakaki that rui is interested in stage production, and would probably encounter him again in the future. the way they framed this cliffhanger makes it only correct to assume that sakaki will return and will have a bigger part to play in wxs's story and their development.

sakaki intrigues me. his manner of speaking is very light and careless, his mannerisms even more so. compared to ohara, who is incredibly headstrong and burning like the sun with passion for his work and every single detail that is put into it, sakaki treats these details like they're just. there. takes one look at the scene ohara is having trouble with and it clicks instantly in his head. says some cryptic shit and packs his bag to leave.

furthermore, considering that most event commissions are written for the characters, for the story in that event, i really wonder who this song is about? is it about sakaki? will rui encounter this exact same problem about wondering what it was he wanted to portray from the beginning (unlikely imo, but would be interesting to see). nothing in backlit lens flare even remotely hints toward the lyricism in cyberpunk dead boy (i may have missed something, correct me if im wrong) which only excites me more for their next focus hehehe !!!

this was just a bunch of word vomit,, thank you for bearing with me, hopefully it makes sense?!?

#project sekai #wxs #wonderlands x showtime #rui kamishiro #kamishiro rui #jay does a think

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starrylevi · 10 months

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“Are you okay?” Levi asks you.

“No.”

“I know, you don’t look it. What’s wrong?”

“Everything is wrong, Levi. I’m exhausted…I wonder what it’s like to have a brain that functions the way it’s supposed to.”

His eyebrows furrow slightly. “Your brain is fine.”

“But that’s the thing, it’s not!” You say exasperatingly. “It’s wired differently and so it makes everything more difficult. I switch between three modes: Not wanting to exist, Surviving, and Beyond Surviving. Guess how much time I spend in each mode?”

Levi doesn’t say anything in response. His expression shows more concern than confusion this time.

“Fine, I’ll tell you. Most of my time is spent surviving. Some of my time is spent not wanting to exist. And just a little of my time is spent beyond suriving…what kind of life is that?”

Levi’s eyes look at you with sadness. “Not much of one, to be honest…but it’s yours and you only have one.” He counters.

“Well, I don’t even know if I want it half of the time. Y’know, someone told me that life is basically climbing mountains. You climb a mountain, which represents a challenge or obstacle, once you get to the top you enjoy the view for a moment…then you climb back down and do the same thing all over again. Rinse and repeat.”

Levi seems to identify with what you’re saying and he knows you’re frustrated right now but he needs to keep you from spiraling. He’s not letting you give up. That’s not the way. “It’s what we have to do, Y/N.” He says gently.

“And what if I don’t want to do anything? What if I don’t want to climb fucking mountains? What if I don’t want to constantly be challenged and given obstacles? What if I just want to sit at the top of the mountain and just be?”

Levi knows these feelings all too well…he’s wrestled with them a few times throughout his life but he’s continued to push through because that’s what you just do. And you’re going to do the same even if he has to do the pushing for you. You snap Levi out of his thoughts with your next statement.

“It would be so much easier if I just…”

“Stop.”

“But-“

“Stop.” He repeats sternly, his steel eyes boring into yours.

You grunt angrily. “You’re not even real, Levi!” You yell out at him. You’re not angry with him. You’re angry at the world, angry for the universe and your parents for putting you in this predicament, angry for placing you into a world that doesn’t accommodate you. “You are a 2-dimensional character I use to cope. There’s no way for you to actually soothe or help me. You. Are. Fictional.”

Your words don’t seem to phase him. He shrugs. “I’m real enough.”

“What does that even mean?”

“I’m real enough to you. Y/N. You are the one who brings me to life. You are the one who decides how real I should be. What does it matter if I’m not a real person?”

“It’s silly.”

“Who says it’s silly?”

“I don’t know, a bunch of people.”

“Well, fuck all of those people then. Just fuck them.” He states as if it’s obvious.

You sigh. “It doesn’t work that way, Levi…”

“So make it work that way. No one else is keeping you alive but yourself.”

“And you…” You say softly.

Levi shakes his head. “I don’t do anything. Like I said before, you’re the one who does the all the heavy lifting. I exist because you want me to. I function the way I do because you want me to.”

“So I control you?”

Levi rolls his eyes at that. “Don’t be a brat. What I’m saying is I’m just an outlet for you.”

You pause, thinking of his words. He’s not wrong. He’s just a character but he’s also not just a character because of you. “I wish you were real.” You admit sadly.

“I wish I were real too…for you.” He sighs as he runs a hand through his raven hair. “But it doesn’t matter if I’m real or not. I still occupy your brain. I still make you happy, that’s all that matters. As long as you let me live in your mind, I’m always going to be here for you.

You nod, not saying anything further.

“Okay?” He asks.

“Okay.”

“Good.”

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dreamofbecoming · 9 months

Text

yeah alright this got away from me. posting in pieces, part one is just stobin, no shippy stuff. steddie and rockie to follow. i'll drop it on ao3 once all 3 parts are done

now on ao3!

platonic stobin

rating: t

wc: 3.5k

---

Robin stopped being surprised by Steve Harrington showing up at her bedroom window months ago. Jesus, there's a sentence her 16 year old self wouldn't fucking believe for a second. The Hair, climbing up the trellis her dad built for the roses her mom planted and then forgot about three months later? Yeah right, as if. But it turns out alternate dimensions and sci-fi movie monsters and Russian conspiracies in Bumfuck, Nowhere, USA are all real, so how surprising really is The King himself, collapsing through her window with all the grace of a baby giraffe, out of breath like he- holy shit, did he fucking run here?

"Dingus, did you run here? What the hell?"

"Had to- hang on, Jesus. Holy shit." He bends over, hands on his knees, panting like he just ran a marathon. Which, she guesses, he almost did.

"You have a car, you lunatic, what could possibly be so important?"

"Didn't think about it. Had to get here."

"Is someone dead?!" Oh fuck, Is the Upside Down back? Oh shit, oh no, it can't be back, right? Superhero girl closed the gates! Right?! Oh god, oh no, oh fuck, it's back, the Russians are back, they realized they couldn't let her live after what she's seen, her parents will never even know what happened to her, and they'll kill Dingus too, and dorky little Henderson, and that menace Erica, oh god, they're gonna die, and Hopper's gone and superhero girl is far away and she doesn't have superpowers anymore anyway, which is frankly bogus because what the hell, Robin never even got to hang out with a real live magic person before, which, ok, that's a selfish thought, but that's ok, we can think selfish thoughts and then set them aside and not act on them, thoughts are not actions, thoughts happen all the time without our consent, they don't determine our character-

"Bobs, you're spiraling. Nothing bad happened, I just realized something and I freaked out and I had to talk to you right away. Forgot to call. Sorry, I should have called. Ran straight out of the house. I don't even think my shoes match, what the fuck?"

She's gonna kill him, she really is.

She loves him so much.

"Jesus, you're insane. Sit, you absolute dweeb. I'm getting you some water, when I get back you can tell me what the hell is going on."

He's sitting on her bed when she gets back upstairs, staring at something in his hands. Christ, his hands are shaking. What the fuck, Dingus?

He takes the water and downs it in one go- ugh, sports guys- then flops onto his back and covers his eyes with a miserable groan.

"I know we've got the whole twin telepathy thing going on, bubba, but I'm gonna need at least a little bit to work with here. Give me something. Is it your parents? The kids? Uh, what was her name? From Thursday? Janice?"

"Janine, and no. Ugh. Here." The arm not covering his eyes flops out towards her, holding- ah. A zine. He had promised to drive up to Indy last weekend to the secret bookshop she told him about and get her some new ones, even though she couldn't go with him because her cousin Randy got caught cheating on his fiancée and her parents made her come with the rest of the family to help him move. Fucking Randy. Maybe he should make better choices, so the rest of them wouldn't have to clean up his messes. Jerk.

Anyway.

"Marked the page." Which, yep, there's a purple paper clip stuck to a page near the middle, because Steve knows how much she hates people who dogear books, even books that aren't really books at all, so he's been training himself out of it, because he's sort of the best. Again, 16 year old Robin would have her committed for thinking that, but here we are.

The pamphlet isn't one of the periodicals she sent him for, so he must have picked it up on his own. It looks handmade, just some folded sheets that look like they came out of a typewriter, bound with the kind of twine you can buy at the hardware store. It's called Awakenings. The page he's marked looks like a personal essay, no title, no real signature, just a pair of initials at the end of the page and a half of writing. She starts reading, trying to figure out what the hell spooked Steve so bad.

"I've always been normal. I've always had crushes on men, just like the other girls. There was never a feeling of "I'm different," or "Oh, this is wrong." There was never anything to think very hard about. I'd giggle and blush when the boys looked over at us on the playground, same as everyone else. Later on when I was older I looked at my poster of Harrison Ford, shirtless and hairy and sweating, and I touched myself, and it felt good, just like it was supposed to. I didn't mind thinking of my future husband, and our future kids, and the pretty house with the pretty garden we'd have, just like my parents have, just like they wanted for me. I was normal. Everything was fine.

I thought everything about me was normal. So I didn't understand why the other girls at sleepover parties would giggle and stop and say "Ew, gross!" when we practiced kissing. It felt nice! I wanted to keep going! But it seemed like no one else did. I didn't understand why none of them talked about getting butterflies in their stomach when Laura, who was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, transferred in our senior year, why they seemed so angry at her. Those butterflies were what jealousy felt like, right? So why did the other girls seem to feel so different?

I made my first lesbian friend in college, on the very first day, right across the hall in my dorm. We sat next to each other at Orientation and I thought I'd never have another best friend that wonderful in my whole life, so I'd hold on to her with everything I had. She came out to me the night before Christmas break, hiding under the blankets in my dorm room with the twinkling lights glowing. She was so scared. I held her and told her I loved her no matter what, and she seemed so glad, to have someone to talk to.

When she talked about falling in love with girls, I was so confused. The way she described it sounded like what it felt like to have girlfriends, I was sure. I felt that all the time. I asked her if she was sure she was gay, and she looked so shocked and angry and hurt, and I didn't know how to fix it, so I tried to explain. That what she felt couldn't be liking girls, because I felt that too, and I was normal. I liked boys, so I couldn't be gay. I couldn't be.

I'm glad it was her I said all that to. If someone else had told me about being bisexual, I think I would have hated them. I would have cried, and screamed, and said horrible things. Because I wasn't gay, I was normal, and it was so scary to think that might be a lie. Thank God it was her, my best friend in the world, who I never want to lose. Thank God I listened.

Because I'm not normal. I'm queer. I like men, and I like women. I can love them both the same, but it doesn't matter anymore, because I love her. I love her, and she loves me, and I don't need to be normal anymore."

Robin's face feels wet, which probably means she's crying. She cries a lot, reading these sorts of stories, in the zines she has to keep hidden under her bed, or, these days, at Steve's house. It's never going to be her, she knows. Not here in Hawkins, but it still makes something ache deep inside her, like pressing on a bruise, but in a good way, seeing love happen to other people. People like her. Seeing that it can.

"So?"

Oh shit. Right, Dingus. They're about him right now. Something about this essay in particular freaked him out.

"Uh. It's. A nice essay? I'm glad things worked out for them?"

Stevie lets out a pathetic whine, sort of like back at Scoops when he earned a particularly bad tally on the You Suck board. "Robbiiiiiiieeeee!"

"I'm sorry! I think I'm missing something, what's wrong with this essay? I don't get it, bubba, I'm sorry. I need some context." She does feel bad. Usually she can pluck whatever's bothering him right out of his brain and into the light, where it almost never looks as bad, but she's at a loss right now.

He's got both hands over his face again, and his response is so muffled she can't make out a word.

"Try again in human sounds, please."

"Ugh! I thought everyone felt like that!"

Huh? "Felt like...what, exactly?"

"Like that!" He flails wildly at the pamphlet in her hands. He's sitting up now, hair all askew from tugging at it, and there's a vaguely worrying crazed look in his eye, like right before he tackled that guard. "Like kissing boys and girls both feel nice, and like seeing a handsome guy and feeling jealous of him makes my stomach flutter, and like having friends feels the same as having crushes! I thought that was just how everyone felt all the time!"

Oh.

Oh no.

Poor Dingus! No wonder he panicked and ran here like a crazy person!

"Stevie, can I hug you? Please?" She's not much for physical touch most of the time, but Steve is, and also she's found in the last few months that she doesn't mind so much when it's him. She sort of understands why other people like hugs so much, if they always feel like hugging Steve feels for her. And she really thinks he needs to be hugged, right now.

He nods miserably. She drapes her arms around his shoulders and holds on as tight as she can, hauling him sideways until he's practically laying down on her. He clutches her back and buries his face in her shoulder. She can feel her neck getting wet with tears, a sensation that would normally make her want to claw off her own skin, but this isn't about her. Dingus needs her.

"It's ok, bubba. I'm so sorry. I know how scary this is. When I first figured out I had a crush on Linda Sanderson I cried so hard I threw up, you know? I get it. It's gonna be ok, I promise. We'll make it ok. We faced down evil Russians and giant meat monsters, what's a little sexuality crisis, huh? We got this! We're the goddamn Wonder Twins!"

He snorts at that, which she's pretty sure leaves snot on her neck, which. Ew. Still. Problems for Later Robin.

"We are not, Will and El are the Wonder Twins."

"Uh, nope, no chance, I barely even met them so therefore I am vetoing their application. Sorry kiddos, better luck next time! Find your own nickname, losers!"

Steve sits back, laughing, and she preens a little at being able to bring him back from the brink so easily. She loves him so much she feels like she's glowing with it, sometimes. It almost makes her wish she was straight, because what girl is she ever going to find who loves her this much? But only almost, because. Well. Girls, amiright? Phew.

"So what now, Stevie? You wanna say it out loud? That helps, sometimes. You wanna not say it out loud? You wanna go to a gay bar and find you a boy? You wanna never think about it again? It's totally your call."

"Say it out loud, huh?"

"Hm. It took me like a month, and then the first time I could only say it sitting in the back of my closet with the bedroom door locked and the closet door closed, and I could only whisper it. Just "I'm a lesbian," to myself, like the world's most ironic little goblin. And I had to throw up again after. But it did feel good, once I rinsed my mouth out, anyway. Cleansing, you know? And it gets easier every time." Steve's eyebrows are raised and he's chuckling again, so that's a win. She's not lying, but it is sort of funny, she supposes. In hindsight, anyway.

"Ok. Ok, I can do that. I think. Yeah, I can do that."

She's so proud of him. He's the bravest person she's ever met, she thinks. "You wanna get in the closet?"

"Isn't the whole point to come out of the closet, Robs?" He's smirking at her. Bastard. She whacks him in the shoulder on principle. He may be having a crisis, but he's still a jackass. Her favorite jackass in the whole world, but still.

"Har har, you're a regular Bob Hope. Alright then, bigshot, let's hear it."

A little of that fear creeps back onto his face, and she wishes she could wipe it off, but that's not how this works. They can't make the scary things less scary. He couldn't make the Russians less terrifying, but he could hold her hand and make her laugh and carry some of that fear with her. She can do that for him now, too.

She grabs his hand, and he clutches back tightly. He takes a deep breath.

"I'm...fuck. Ok. Ok, I can do this. I'm...bisexual." The air leaves him in a big whoosh, and he laughs a little. "Yeah, ok, fuck. I'm bisexual. Holy shit, Robbie, I'm bisexual!"

"Hell yeah you are!" She's grinning so hard her cheeks hurt. She's so fucking proud of him.

He's laughing again, a little hysterically, and he hugs her tight again, and she holds him back just as close and thinks oh, he's like me. I'm not alone. I have Steve, and he's like me, and he's mine forever and ever.

When they separate, she looks at him seriously.

"So do you, like, want this to be a thing? Because we can totally make it a thing, and like, get me a fake ID and go to a gay bar and do all kinds of wild shit if you want, but we don't have to, you know? If you need to just, like. Digest this, for a while. It's totally up to you, I just know it took me a while to feel ok with it, and I have no idea if it's different for you but I just want to be what you need, you know? You've been so good with me, and I've never had a queer friend before, so I don't know how, but I want to be just as good to you. You're my Dingus and I love you and I don't know how much of a gay guru I can be on account of, you know, I've never met any gay people besides me and the pretty lady at the bookstore but I couldn't even get real human words to come out of my mouth when I tried to talk to her so I don't think that counts, you know? But I still wanna help! Let me help!"

"Bobbie! Bobbie breathe, you're gonna pass out. I don't think I need a gay guru, I just need a gay best friend, and I have that, so I promise I'm good, ok? Promise. Also I love you too.”

She takes a deep breath, following his lead the way they worked out in the horrible days after Starcourt, when she couldn't sleep without him next to her, warm and alive and breathing, and even then she would wake up in the night with her breath coming short and her vision tunneling and Steve would hold her hand against his chest and breathe slowly, in and out, until she could follow him, and the world wasn't so terrible and scary and loud anymore.

She still thinks about that awful hour underground, thinking she was strapped to the corpse of a boy she never let become her friend, but Steve is always there now when she needs him, and he never complains when she grabs his wrist or puts her head on his chest to make absolutely sure that big, stupid heart is still beating.

When she's breathing normally again, he drops their joined hands down between them, toying idly with the chain linking her ring to her bracelet. "I think...I think I'm glad I said it, and I'm glad we talked about it, but can we maybe just...put it away, for a while? Like it's not...ugh. I guess this is kind of shitty to say, so like, hit me if you want, I guess, but I kind of don't think it matters right now?"

"No no, that makes perfect sense! Like, you still like girls, right?" He nods. "And you don't like. Have a crush on any boys right now. Or do you? Oh man if you do you have to tell me though, it's platonic soulmate law. It's in the bylaws, Steve, don't make me soulmate fine you!"

He laughs and shoves her face away. "Jesus, Rob, no! I don't have a crush on any guys, who would I even crush on in this town? We're not exactly swimming in eligible bachelors. I don't have a crush on anybody at all, I'd tell you, I swear. I know the rules!"

"Oh phew, good. You have to tell me when you do, though, I'm way excited to get you back for making fun of Tammy."

"It was the God's honest truth, Bobbie! She sings like a muppet!"

"Oh my god, shut up, Dingus! Ugh! As I was saying, you super duper have to tell me when you do, but for now, I think maybe you don't have to think about it really at all if you don't want. I mean, practically speaking, it's not really relevant to your everyday life, so we can totally revisit when that changes, but you don't have to like. Join a pride parade tomorrow, you know? You are you who are no matter what. You don't have to prove anything to anyone, especially not to me, not ever."

He leans his head on her shoulder, and she scritches her nails through his hair. It really has no right being as soft as it is, with the amount of hairspray he uses. It's frankly rude, is what it is.

"Thanks, Bobs. I think I'm just gonna put it away for now. It just...another thing to know about me, you know? Like, I'm bad at fighting people but good at fighting monsters, all my best friends are kids except you, I'm bi but it doesn't matter because there aren't any boys to date in Hawkins anyway. Plus my dad would kill me if he found out. Like actually kill me, not "oh geez I missed curfew, my dad's gonna kill me" type kill me, like I think he'd actually try and beat me to death. So there's really no reason to talk about it right now, you know?"

There's a pit of ice in her stomach, and she tightens her arm around him like she can keep him safe just by holding on tight enough. She hates how casually he said that, just like she hates how casually he always talks about how his parents treat him, like he honestly believes it's normal. "Jesus, Dingus. You know you can come here if you need, right? My parents love you, they already think we're getting married. They'd make you sleep in the guest room, but I could sneak you in here easy."

He snorts again. "We're totally gonna end up married for tax reasons anyway, we're never beating the rumors." That makes her snort, too. He's not wrong, though. She isn't going to be allowed to have a wife anytime soon, and if she has to choose someone to be her next of kin, it's always gonna be him. They're planning to move in together when she goes to school next year anyway. No one is ever gonna believe them that they aren't dating, but that's...fine. Honestly, there are worse things. Better to have Steve by her side than not, and if no one else understands them, well, they understand each other, don't they? That's more than enough.

"Yeah, I know I can come here if I need, Robs. It's fine mostly, I swear. They're not home until Christmas anyway."

He takes another deep breath, like he's settling himself. "I'm just glad we talked about it. I feel better now."

She cards her fingers through his hair again, basking in the feeling of her favorite person so close, and so content. "I'm glad, Dingus."

They're alive, and they're together, and they're queer, and neither of them is ever going to have to be alone again.

"Hang on, did you say you've kissed girls and boys?!"

part 2 part 3

#stranger things #platonic stobin #steve harrington & robin buckley #steve harrington #robin buckley #bisexual steve harrington #steve's bi awakening #my writing #robin calls steve bubba and steve calls her bobbie and i will die on both those hills #you can pry their weird nicknames from my cold dead hands #autistic robin buckley #it’s subtle but it’s there and it’s important to me #also her parents are therapists i’m sure of it

218 notes · View notes

ellivenollivander · 9 months

Note

So, your healer!sebastian post really got me thinking. If you want to, would you maybe write something about seb as a healer working somewhere, he had lost touch with MC, but she comes in gravely injured one day. He saves her and they reconnect?

@skittish1807 Thank you for your patience, I know it has been way too long since you requested this. I love you and your endless patience, pal. Special shoutout to cold brew, sweet tea and ambient world on youtube for helping me finally finish this fic. Rating: 18+ (Mildly NSFW for insinuations) TW: Blood, Injury, Death Mention. Word Count: 8,635 (I know, i'm sorry.) A/N: This is my first Sebastian Fic, please be kind lol

Reconciliation

Sebastian didn’t know exactly how things ended up the way that they did with MC, he just knows that sometimes in the quiet moments of his now hectic life, when he’s left alone with his thoughts, she creeps in from the recesses of his mind.

He can hear her voice when he’s working in the Alchemy room at St. Mungos, criticizing the technique he uses to prepare his ingredients. The hint of a smile tugging at his lips as he stands alone in the dark room, dropping his sliced dittany into the bubbling cauldron. Wouldn’t you prefer chopped? It brews so much more quickly.

When he’s blowing off steam in the cellar of his home, taking out his anger of losing a patient on the training dummy he paid off an Auror for. He can feel her fingers wrapping around his wrist, adjusting his aim or her hand on his hip, correcting his stance.

The soft morning light brings him the smell of her shampoo, from the nights she’d slept in his bed. After long, late nights of studying and searching for anything, tucked behind his closed bed curtains. She’d claim the walk back to her dorm was much too far and crawl between the covers, enveloping him with the scent of her. He would wake up and she would be gone, but the smell of her shampoo would reside on his pillow, proof of her presence.

None of these soft memories made him feel like he did now, lying on a cot in the room designated for Healers to catch up on their sleep during their long shifts at St. Mungos. Sebastian rarely slept, but he tried. He had found an old daily prophet, shoved beneath the pillow, undoubtedly left by one of his fellow healers and decided to try and bore himself to sleep with whatever mess the Wizarding World had found themselves in today.

He found the classifieds, black ink advertising Cruppies - Free to a good home! and Stay Warm with BOGO Self Warming Scarves and Gloves at Twilfitt and Tattings!, as his eyes moved from advertisements to job listings. The memory of how he and MC had spent many of their meal times at Hogwarts hunched over the same paper, talking animatedly about what they could possibly do with their lives after graduation, made his heart constrict.

If he lets himself think about it, her, too much he finds himself spiraling. Desperate to find her, desperate to make things right. Despite being an orphan, and no longer having any family to speak of, he thinks the pain of losing the girl he was in love with for three years of his life might hurt worse.

The knowledge that she was alive and well, and just not here with him, a fate worse than death.

There was nothing he could do about his parents or Anne or even Solomon, they were gone. Never to return. Sebastian wonders if the pain hurts worse, because it was exacerbated by hope that they could be together again. That she’d come back to him.

Which is why he pitches the newspaper against the wall opposite, before punching the tattered pillow he’s shoving his face into, silently pleading for sleep to take him. His attempts only last about ten minutes, before the loudspeaker above the door alerts him to an incoming patient, being transported to the Potions and Poisoning ward.

He heaves himself from the bed with a groan, stretching out his tired limbs and makes his way to the third floor, taking the stairs two at a time. He pauses for just a moment, when he arrives at the patient's room. His eyes watching the brass plaque alongside the door frame materializing with his name, a sentimental pride filling him at the sight.

Healer in Charge: Sebastian Sallow

It had been five years since he’d graduated from Hogwarts, three since he completed the Healer training program. His career choice had been heavily influenced by the desire to feel like he was doing some good in the world, healing instead of hurting. The hefty knowledge he already possessed in his fruitless search for a cure for his ailing sister had just been a benefit, aiding him along in the program, impressing his instructors.

He didn’t pause long enough to think about how it had been five years since he had seen her.

Sebastian pushes open the door, the clipboard instantly pulling itself from the wall and into his hands, greeting his patient with a small smile, his eyes on the clipboard.

“Hello, I’m Healer Sallow, I’ll be getting you sorted out today. What seems to be the problem?”

He studies the intake form quickly as he speaks.

Casper Doolan. Age 9. Potions Accident.

Sebastian’s demeanor shifts slightly when he sees the age of the boy and he relaxes his shoulders, plasters on a smile as he finally takes a look at the patient; A freckled blonde boy, who seemed to be sprouting leaves across his body, sat cross legged on the bed looking as though he had not a care in the world. His parents standing behind him, looking much more distraught, and a teen girl red faced and teary eyed.

Sebastian lets his hand drop the clipboard, which slots itself right back into place on the wall, and he steps closer to the family.

“Hey pal, Casper right? I’m Sebastian. I’m going to get you all fixed up. Alright? Mind if I take a closer look?”

When the boy shrugs his shoulders, he gently lifts the boy's chin to get a better look at the foliage protruding from his face, keeping a small smile on his face. “Mind telling me what happened?” He directs the question to the adults standing above him, as he’s leant down examining Casper.

The clipboard comes back from the wall, levitating in the air and the quill begins recording the words of the Doolans’ recollection of the events of the day. Their daughter had been practicing her potion brewing when Casper had been overcome with curiosity, and had taken a swig from her concoction. An hour later they had been sitting in the St. Mungo’s waiting area when no antidote or healing charm rectified the effects.

Sebastian let out a puff of air, nodding along to the story.

“Can’t say it’s the first time, and I know it will not be the last. Are you in any pain, Casper? Does it hurt? Be honest, no being brave. It’s important that I know.”

Little Casper shakes his head, relaying that it just feels funny. Sebastian gives him another wide grin, before turning towards the older sister.

“Can I ask what you were trying to brew?”

She tenses under Sebastian’s gaze, and he realizes he sounds a bit more accusatory then he had meant too and he clears his throat, holding his hands up. “I just need to know to help your brother… I’m not upset. This really does happen all of the time. Our little patients are notorious potion drinkers.” He smiles back down at Casper who blushes a bit at the comment. “He’s going to be just fine.”

She relaxes, her blush unfading.

“I…uh, I was working on a fertilizer… for herbology, it’s my worst subject in school… It was never meant to be drunk.” She shoots her own accusatory glare in her little brother's direction, and Sebastian has to bite back a laugh.

“Did you follow a recipe or were you just experimenting?”

The quill was poised to take down the information beside his head, his mind already moving in a million different directions on how to move forward with Casper’s treatment based on the information he was being given.

“O-of course I followed a recipe. It was the standard recipe for dragon dung fertilizer…”

At the words dragon dung, Casper’s face blanched at the realization of what he had consumed. He whipped around to face his sister, cheeks red with fury, the leaves in his skin shaking violently. Before he could start screaming at his sister, Sebastian spoke calmly, questioning if she had substituted any ingredients from the standard recipe. The scratch of the quill near his ear, oddly calming.

“No, I stayed true to the recipe but I hadn't added the mandrake yet, it was still stewing when pea brain here decided to take a swig.”

The quill continued recording and Sebastian nodded along appropriately, unable to keep back the playful grin at the name calling between siblings, his heart twinging in grief for just a moment.

“Good news is I think he’ll be just fine. Just have to allow the brew to run its course, I’d say. Let it pass through his system. Could give him a tonic to help it along but since he’s not experiencing any discomfort and he seems to be in good spirits, I’d hardly say that’s necessary.”

At the cheery diagnosis, the tension in the room seemed to immediately dissipate and the Doolan patriarch smacked Casper upside the head. As if he had been lying in wait to be told his son was indeed not dying, before he chastised him.

Sebastian bid the family goodbye, with a comment on lessons learned and to please come back if Caspers condition seemed to worsen in any way. Though before he left, he shook Casper’s hand like a man and slipped a candy into his palm. Before taking his leave with a small playful wink in the boy's direction.

The remaining hours of his shift included a disgruntled Auror who had been stuck feeling the effects of a tickling charm for a week, an elderly woman who had mistaken a Jarvey for a stray cat in her garden and suffered a particularly nasty attack and finally, another Hogwarts student who had botched a polyjuice potion and had found himself stuck between looking like himself and his next door neighbor.

Sebastian finally stood outside of St. Mungos in the summer rain, exhausted and desperate for a drink. He made his way to Undercroft, in hopes of finding some pretty little witch to help him forget the one everything in his life reminded him of.

If only for a night.

~*~

He had, and she did.

Though the only evidence of her presence in his home was the tiny bit of parchment she left on the pillow beside his head.

The pub had been lively, as usual. A popular spot for the younger wizarding demographic. Those that were out of school but not quite ready to hang up their hats and reminisce on their youth.

Sebastian had slid into his stool at the end of the bar, tucked into the corner. A whiskey sliding into his hand before he could even greet the barkeep, his best friend.

Ominis had purchased the building and opened his pub shortly after graduation, with the money left to him from his Aunt Noctua. He had been the sole heir to her estate, something he had only discovered on his seventeenth birthday in their seventh year. A ministry official knocking on the boys’ door in Feldcroft, bearing keys and paperwork.

He and Sebastian had spent an entire night drinking and laughing on the floor of the empty building, brainstorming names until they finally decided on Undercroft. An ode to their schooldays, to their little shelter in the storm of their youth. Hoping the name would inspire Ominis’ pub to be a similar sort of sanctuary for others. A place to unwind, to celebrate, to come together.

The Undercroft at Hogwarts had, of course, been where Ominis and Sebastian had spent a similar night of bonding. When Ominis had found him, crying in a corner, clutching Solomon’s last will and testament.

It had been the catalyst to the mending of their once thought ruined friendship. The guilt had overcome Sebastian, at the realization that Solomon had planned on giving him everything upon his death. The words had poured out of him with shaking sobs, dumping all of the trauma inside of him onto the boy who had just come to retrieve a forgotten textbook.

They had been inseparable ever since, Ominis had even officially moved into the home in Feldcroft, finally able to escape his family. He had sat with Sebastian when he received the news of Anne’s demise, tears of his own mixing with his on the quivering parchment in his hand. When he discovered how she had passed away alone and far from home at some London inn. The Aurors who found her only knowing to alert Sebastian by a folded up bit of parchment in her robes, A letter Sebastian had written to her just after he returned to Hogwarts after she had been cursed.

And Ominis had stayed when MC did not, her presence in his life fading more and more as the weeks passed after the night in the catacomb. Even more so, after Anne’s death when Sebastian had spiralled into the darkness of his mind. Swathed in guilt and grief with no foreseeable way of escaping it all.

He had been too caught up in his own pain to mind any attention to hers, and he had lost her completely. By the time he had relearned how to be alive again, she was gone. The situation too tedious to try and mend. He had let her go, knowing she’d be far better off without him, and by the time graduation came around, she was hardly more than a memory and had become yet another ache in his heart.

It was Ominis who had put him onto the pretty little blonde, a rag tossed over his shoulder as he leant across the bar to tell him all about how she was french and looking for a good time that Sebastian was all too happy to give.

Sebastian finally pulled himself out of his reminiscing, and out of his bed, to ready himself for his shift. The girl from last night already fading into just another memory of a good time.

~*~ The chill of the late morning air and the smoke in his lungs steadied Sebastian’s racing heart as he stood upon the roof of St. Mungos.

His morning had been taken up entirely by a handful of Aurors who had walked straight into a trap laid by a cell of dark wizards, led by a tip from an informant who had been playing both sides. He and his fellow Healers had managed to save most, but the one he had not is what had sent him up to the roof to clear his head, and settle his stomach. Every one of his failures twisted in his gut like a blade, making him want to crawl out of his skin.

Sebastian closed his eyes as he took another long drag of his cigarette, willing the vision of the aurors final moments from his brain, though he knew he’d be stuck with it until he drew his own final breath, just like all of the others.

He was pulled from his morbid reverie by a trainee healer, summoning him back inside from her place at the door, her arms crossed over her chest, an instinctual attempt to shield herself from the cold. Sebastian flicked the half finished smoke from his fingers as he turned to follow her back inside, the cigarette disappearing before it hit the ground.

The trainee quickly filled him in on his call as they descended the stairs, two at a time.

“Another Auror.. Got splinched when they attempted to apparate her here, away from the scene. Suspect her body was too weak to handle apparition. Had to arrange for an emergency portkey, she’s in a bad state.”

Sebastian nodded along, his heart racing once again, with a mix of adrenaline and dread.

Their feet landed simultaneously on the landing of the fourth floor, and the elder healer slammed through the door, to a small crowd and a blood bath. Right there in the corridor. He pushed his way through the onlooking Aurors in varying states of distress, to the figure lying on the floor, writhing and gasping in a pool of her own blood.

He had been so lost in taking in the damage, the hurt, his mind whirring a million miles a minute at the prospect of what he was walking into, he hadn’t taken a moment to register her face.

A face he knew, a face that had him stop dead in his tracks. It was as if ice water had replaced the blood in his veins as he stood over MC, convinced his racing heart had now stopped completely.

“MC?”

He allowed himself no more than a half second hesitation before he kneeled beside her twitching form. His eyes roamed her injured body, avoiding her face, unable to force himself to witness the pain there. As his hands found a wound in her abdomen, he knew this was more than a splinch, the mutilation was more than simply severed flesh.

Sebastian turned to look at the Auror standing closer than the others, trying to ignore the sounds of his old friends choked gasping. He had to bite back an exasperated laugh as he stared into the face of Leander Prewett.

“Prewett.” He closed his eyes, fixing his tone, the greeting had come out much more venomous than intended. The shock and terror he felt about this situation clouding his mind. “Can you tell me what happened?” He tried keeping his voice steady, as he always did when he took on the role of calm and collected healer as he questioned the man standing above him, who looked as panicked as he felt. Leander gave Sebastian a polite nod before recollecting the moment of MC’s injury.

“She’s..she's a scout. She went in first, surveyed the area… she knew it was a trap before any of us realized… one of the bastards ran her through with a blade… he came out of nowhere. Then.. it was just chaos… we were surrounded… After things were under control, we tried everything to stop the bleeding… to fix her. Wiggenweld, essence of dittany, every healing spell they teach us in the program. Nothing worked.”

Sebastians seemed to brain click back into place, and he shook off another laugh of realization as he lifted MC into his arms and off the stone floor, the sight of his lime green robes spreading beneath him a striking contrast against the pool of blood he had been kneeling in.

“Cursed. I’m positive the blade was cursed.” He nodded his head at the trainee healer who had been standing behind him, observing his work and she sprinted off for the alchemy lab, the knowledge she had absorbed from Sebastian at this point in her training made a verbal request redundant. Sebastian turned to push through into a hospital room to lay MC on the clean cot. He tried once again, to ignore the sight and sounds of the girl fighting for her life, the girl he once thought was the love of his life. Leander followed them inside, planting himself on the opposite side of the bed, his eyes never once leaving MC’s bloodied form. Sebastian couldn’t help the passing thought that the two Aurors were together, or the jealousy that suddenly roared inside of him at the thought.

He moved to the cabinet above the bed, his touch letting the lock release and the door fall open. He grabbed a small glass vial and turned back to Leander and MC, setting it down on the small wooden table beside him.

To ease Leander’s mind as much as his own, Sebastian welcomed the habitual way he slipped into a calm recitation of what he knew to be the issue, and how they could resolve it. Even now, amidst the chaos and fear, Sebastian felt a swell of pride and peace fill his chest, knowing he had found exactly what he was meant to do with his life.

“Suspect the blade was cursed to make the wound untreatable, to prevent any common healing rectification to take hold, unfortunately I also suspect it’s why we can’t heal the splinch either. The curse affects the entirety of her body, including new injuries. So this..” Sebastian holds up the small glass vial. “...Will hopefully slow the bleeding, while I do my work, the counter charms tend to take a bit of time, time that we do not have.”

Sebastian expected Leander to pelt him with panicked questions, or threaten his life if he did not manage to save MC. Reactions he was accustomed to receiving by loved ones of his patients, instead, the redhead simply nodded, his face stoic and determined. The Healer couldn’t help but wonder if the Auror was simply still in shock, numb from the battle. A part of him wished Prewett would yell or curse or panic, then, at the very least the only sound in the room would not be the sounds of their dying friend.

The Healer had no time to psychoanalyze the Auror, instead he put him to work.

“Alright, Prewett. Would you mind giving me a hand holding her head back?”

Leander didn’t hesitate as he gently took MC’s head in his hands, and tilted it back so Sebastian could pour the potion down her throat, with shaky hands, trembling with anxiety at seeing his former friend in such a state. Prewett’s hands on her head ensured she didn’t choke them back up or spit them out in her fight for breath.

Despite Sebastian being finished feeding her the potion, Prewett didn’t move his hand away from where it rested on the top of her head, his fingers trailing through her hair in what could only be interpreted as comfort.

Sebastian stamped down the bubbling angry jealousy at the gesture, and set the empty vial into a hole in the wall, where they promptly disappeared, knowing it would reappear back in the alchemy lab instantly, ready to be sterilized and reused.

He returned to the side of the bed, pulling out his wand, and began softly muttering the necessary charms and counter curses. So lost in his work, he didn’t notice his trainee return, setting the necessary potions for the course of the treatment onto the table, at his side.

He wasn’t so lost in his work, however, that he didn’t hear when Prewett finally spoke up, his voice quiet and soft, words directed at the trainee. His gaze was on MC who was still in a state of agony, her gasping still the only sounds in the room until he had begun to speak.

“I told them we shouldn’t have tried apparating with her, that we should wait for a portkey or summon for a healer to come to her.”

The trainee shook her head in sympathy, her mouth opening and closing, completely unaware of what to say, how to help the man who had brought MC to them to be saved. Sebastian understood this was one of the hardest parts of the job, of their careers. Dealing with the patients' friends and family. When MC’s body seemed to be wrapped up in a golden light, he exhaled softly, and lifted his wand from where it rested centimeters above her body, its tip lit with the same golden light. Then, he sent his trainee out to assist the other healers with their work.

He attempted to crack a joke, to lighten the mood now that he knew he could fix her, heal her.

“Turns out some Aurors do have brain function. Wouldn’t have expected it to be you though, Prewett.”

Sebastian felt a bit of satisfaction when his playful jab pulled Leanders gaze away from the girl in the bed, and on him with a roll of his eyes and a small smirk. It wasn’t Leander who returned the banter, however. The choked words and sound of MC’s voice made both men startle.

“Fuck off, Sallow.”

Sebastian couldn’t help the grin that split his face, and Leander wore a matching one as he looked back at her, quickly pulling his hand away from where he still had it laid on her head. She was still twitching slightly and her face was still contorted in pain, but the curse leaving her body and the slowing of the blood flow must have had her pain dissipating just enough to be coherent.

“Well, seems she’s at least in good spirits.”

Leander spoke first, and Sebastian knew he had to pull himself together. His mind already running with hope that this could be what brings MC back to him, this could be his chance to redeem himself to the last person alive he still felt indebted to do so.

When MC met Leanders gaze, and her pained look twisted into an almost smile, Sebastian swallowed thickly, his arm moving to pull out another potion from the cabinet.

“You two together, then?”

Before either Auror could respond to his query, a knock on the door pulled all three of their attentions towards it. It opened slowly, revealing an older, official looking wizard, who barely glanced at the girl in the bed before turning his stoic gaze on Leander. “Prewett. Boss wants your statement. Now.”

Leander stiffened, his eyes flicking between the man in the door, MC and Sebastian. Who was torn between wanting information and wanting to be rid of the one thing standing between him and being alone with MC. He continued his work, pretending not to pay any attention to the exchange as he gently applied the potion to the two gaping wounds in MC’s abdomen.

MC hissed at the sensation of the liquid dripping into her body through her lesions and she spoke to Leander through gritted teeth, her voice tight with pain, assuring him she would be fine. Prewett rolled his eyes, but patted her arm gingerly, and made his departure with a small scowl.

Sebastian kept his gaze on his work on the injuries, smiling when he watched the essence of dittany do its job, stitching her flesh back together. His grin grew wider when it stayed that way, his mind now reverting back to what he could possibly say now, with his work nearly done, the girl beneath him nearly healed.

“Merlin, that feels so weird every time.” MC’s voice sounded lighter, less tight and laced with pain as she commented on Sebastian’s healing work on her damaged body. Sebastian tilted his head to smirk down at her, another playful glint in his eye.

“Finding yourself injured quite a bit then, MC?”

Clearly uncomfortable with the seemingly imbalanced power dynamic with Sebastian standing above her, MC tried to raise herself up into a sitting position with shaky arms, ignoring his teasing comment. Despite the pain dissipating with the disappearance of her wounds, she was still quite pale and Sebastian could see the dizziness in her eyes. He instinctively grasped her shoulders to lie her back down on the bed, earning himself a scowl that brought him right back to age 15 when he’d try and steal from her Honeydukes haul.

“Oh wipe that scowl off your face, I’m trying to help you, you know. I’ve already saved your life.” Sebastians tone was firm, but laced with a familiar playfulness he always felt with her. “You’ve lost a lot of blood, MC. It’s why you feel so weak.” MC, in fact, did not wipe the scowl from her face, but she did lie back down. Sebastian was grateful for the small victory as he popped the cork of the last vial, the one the trainee had fetched for him from the alchemy lab.

He offered the vial to MC with a small smile, and an expectant look.

“Drink up, Buttercup.”

Her scowl deepened, but she obediently took the vial with shaking hands, but before she tipped it back she looked back at Sebastian.

“Am I at least allowed to ask what this is or am I just supposed to trust you?”

Sebastian knew she meant nothing more from her choice of words, but they stung just the same. His mind ran off with memories of everything he had put her through with her trust in him. How he had lost her trust, her friendship, her love for him with his reckless pursuit in their adolescence.

He recovers quickly, with a roll of his eyes as he tilts the vial up to her lips with two fingers.

“It’s just a blood replenishing potion, I promise. Now, drink before you pass out.” He crosses his arms, watching her expectantly, before cracking another joke and making a move to stop her from downing the vial. “On second thought, if you do pass out I won’t have to put up with your sass.”

MC shoots him an unconvincing glare as she swallows the dark red liquid, wincing at the taste. It was hard to believe that it had been nearly six years since the two had seen one another, and had been even longer since they’d had a proper conversation. Yet, here they were, falling into easy banter as if no time at all had come to pass.

As Sebastian brings the vial back to the depository to send it back to the Alchemy room, MC clears her throat, and with the effects of the potion already settling into her system, she sits up in the bed using arms that are now much more stable.

“We aren’t… together, just so you know. Leander and I. We’re just friends, partners at work, but not… together.”

When Sebastian doesn’t respond right away, because he’s lost in a sea of thoughts of everything more this could mean for him, for the hope he had slowly building inside his heart. She speaks again, her voice sounding much more irritable.

“You asked, before… which is why I’m telling you. You asked.”

Sebastian gives her another teasing grin, quirking an eyebrow at her ready defense as he returns to her bedside.

“Ah, and here I thought you were simply coming onto me. Wouldn’t be surprising if I'm honest. Happens all the time, when I save pretty little witches from their untimely demise. Quite common for Healers actually.”

MC scoffs, crossing her legs beneath her on the bed. Her strength and personality slowly coming back to her again, with an adequate amount of blood now pumping through her veins.

“Clearly your ego hasn’t dissolved with age, Sebastian.”

Sebastian manages an easy laugh at her retort, the clipboard coming from the wall and into his hands. His mind running off with thoughts on just how long he could keep her here, at St. Mungos, under healer advisement. Keep her here with him, take away any chance for her to bolt back out of his life, give him a chance to make things right.

“Quite the opposite, really. I’m surprised I don’t fall over with how big my head is.”

MC rolls her eyes, muttering something about it’s so full of air I’m surprised you don’t float away. Her gaze falling to the clipboard in Sebastians’ hands.

“You’re not keeping me here, are you?”

Sebastian glances away from the form in his hand, and at MC’s scowling face ready for a fight. He lets out a heavy sigh as he drops the clipboard, and crosses his arms over his chest, giving her his best stern look of authority.

“You were cursed, MC, and you lost a decent amount of blood.”

The Healer should have known better than to expect MC to see logic and sense. She bristled at his words, swinging her legs from the bed with a look of determination. Sebastian half-hoped she’d wobble as she stood, then he could at least feel justified in his desire to keep her here.

No such luck. MC stood in a firm stance, and then pranced around the small room. As if to prove she was well and able to get the hell out of this place. Sebastian couldn’t stop the chuckle that escaped him at her antics that were bordering on playful. She continued moving around, glaring at Sebastian all the while. Though luck was back on his side, when she attempted a spin. The motion giving way to a bout of dizziness that had Sebastian catching her with a small, exasperated, laugh.

Sebastian guided her back to the bed, a look of triumph on his face as she blinked slowly, trying to steady the whirling inside of her head. He raises his arms in innocent submission when he tries to help her onto the bed, which had earned him a deadly glare.

“Habit, MC. This is my job after all.” He defends himself with a signature smirk, the corner of his mouth tilting slightly upward. MC made a sound in her throat, as she settled back on the bed, her glare unsubsiding.

“Yes, well. I still feel as though I’m alright to leave, Healer Sallow. I promise not to spin in circles like a buffoon for the foreseeable future.”

Sebastian hummed thoughtfully, doing everything he could to avoid looking at her face, each time he had since her return to the world of the living, it felt like the vice around his heart tightened further, stealing the air from his lungs. He busied himself with his clipboard, flipping the pages of parchment as if searching for something.

“Oh? No apparating? No traveling by Portkey? Going to travel like a proper muggle are you?” When his words got no snarky defense from the girl lying on the bed, he forced himself to look at her and fixed his tone back to Healer, rather than something akin to a friend. “I can’t force you to stay, MC, but I’d feel much more comfortable if you, at the very least, stuck around for just a few more hours. Until I am absolutely certain you are alright.”

MC heaved a dramatic sigh, huffing and puffing as she made a show of getting comfortable on the bed. Her eyes narrowed in his direction all the while, looking much more like a petulant child than a fearless Auror. Sebastian took her silent movements as an agreement, under the assumption this is the best he would get from the prideful girl.

“Oh come now, MC, no need to pout. Come on, sweetheart, give me a smile.” That did the trick, Sebastian thought, as he watched the fire light in her eyes once again at his words, her head whipping around to face him. Though, before she had a chance to speak or curse, Sebastian continued on. “Would you like to hear a joke? Always seems to cheer up my pouting patients, though they’re usually children… but I suppose with your current behavior you’re one and the same.”

He gave her a cheeky grin to counter her deadly glare.

This is nice, he thought to himself, Just like we’re fifteen again.

“If looks could kill…” The Healer muttered, his smile unfading. “Now, What’s a vampire's favorite ship?” He let the start of his joke hang in the air, completely aware that MC would not offer up the punchline. He delivered it with a theatrical grin and open hands. “...A blood vessel.”

MC met his joke with a loud groan, her eyes closed but the hint of an exasperated smile on her face.

“Please, Sebastian. Six years later and your jokes still suck?”

Sebastian’s heart pounded in his chest, six years, since they had seen one another. It had been even longer since the two of them had been anything that could be considered remotely close. He knew this, of course. The thought plaguing his brain whenever he was still, whenever he couldn’t fill it with his work, or distract himself with pretty witches he found in pubs.

It was hearing it from her mouth, in her words, that had his hands pausing from where they had been scrawling a note to send to the Alchemy lab. They trembled now, with a mix of anticipation and dread. Sebastian took a deep breath, his exhale slow, the sudden reality settling on his chest and clearing his head of anything but his need to fix this, to bring her back. He tapped the parchment with his wand, watching it fold itself up into the shape of a bird before flitting towards the door. He walked over to release it into the corridor, allowing it to continue to its destination.

Sebastian slowly shut the door, turning back around to face the girl he had been desperately and painfully missing for the better part of a decade, who was now two feet away from him with a small smile on her face, from his dreadful joke. The click of the door closing again seemed to suck all of the air out of the small room, and that smile was fading now, MC picking up on the sudden, awkward tension.

He ran his hand over the back of his neck, awkwardly. Wondering how the hell one even starts a conversation such as this. He decides that’s exactly where to start. All these years later, after all of the mistakes and avoidance and emotional immaturity, the only thing that needed to be said was the truth, and Sebastian decided that would start now.

No matter how awkward and tense the conversation may be, Sebastian was not going to give up this chance, perhaps his only chance at saying what he had been wanting to say for years. He had to do it for himself, and for the hope that still flickered in his heart for them, together.

“MC… I… I don’t even know where to start with this… with me… and you… and us.”

He clears his throat again, forcing down the growing lump of emotion that was threatening to overcome him. His gaze flicked from where he had taken a sudden interest in the stone floor, to MC, who was now white as a sheet and her chest heaving, in quick and short bursts.

Sebastian continued on, certain that her demeanor was from him, his words, and not remnants of the curse she had befallen. He pulled the chair meant for visitors of patients, and slid it close to her bedside, seating himself on it. Moving his eyesight to his sweating hands clasped in front of him, away from the girl staring at him with wide eyes.

“Suppose the best place to start is with an apology… though I don’t think there’s anything I can say or do that would even come close to proving to you how sorry I am. For how I treated you, how I let myself pull away from you… and never even tried to come back.”

He paused to swallow, to try and work something into coherency in his head. He startled when MC swung her legs off the side of the bed to face him head on, her voice seeming much louder than it was in the silent room.

“What are you talking about, Sebastian?”

Her words left him reeling with confusion, and he managed to make himself look at her, slightly above him with her position on the bed. MC’s face was concerned, laced with confusion that only served to deepen his own.

“I.. um.” Perhaps she had forgotten? Or this had only been a heartbreaking journey for him? Perhaps his last two years in school, drowning in grief had addled his brain? His recollection?

He didn’t know the answers, and his racing pulse seemed to quicken even further. Still, he had to keep trying. He couldn’t, wouldn’t let her leave again. Not without hearing everything he had always meant to say, before it had been too late. Sebastian ran his hands down his face, as if to wipe away the confusion, the anxiety and he heard her take a deep, shaking breath just as he had minutes ago.

When he removed his hands, MC was meeting his gaze. Her eyes now swimming with tears of her own. They were mirrors of one another. Hands clasped in laps, pulses racing, cheeks twinged pink, eyes filled with tears threatening to fall. The Healer was certain, if he concentrated just hard enough, he would be able to hear the sounds of their hearts pounding in the silent room.

They kept a locked gaze for a beat, before she closed her eyes, a look of anxious determination crossing her face as she did so. As if willing herself to trudge on.

Then, she touched him.

She leant forward, to curl her fingers around his shoulders, over the stains of her blood still present on his robes, as if to steady him, steady both of them. Despite the air leaving his lungs at the feeling of her hands on his body, no matter how innocent the touch, He felt his pulse evening out. The look in her eyes was full of hurt and concern, not anger or resentment.

“Have you… thought this… us… was your fault all this time? That you were solely responsible for… this?”

Her words settled in his mind, exacerbating his confusion, because of course he was. This was all his fault, just as everything that had transpired in their schooldays was his fault. The look on his face must have betrayed his thoughts because as his mouth opened, ready to spill everything. She cut him off with a laugh, an incredulous look on her face as she looked past him. Sebastian could nearly see the gears turning in her mind, he waited for her to return from whatever recesses of her mind she had retreated too before he tried speaking once again.

Once again, being cut off by the girl he knew he was still desperately in love with.

“I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you, not really anyway. I just… am baffled that you have spent the better part of ten years believing that the death of our friendship rested entirely on your shoulders.”

Sebastian was the one feeling dumbfounded. He had been the one to seal himself away from anyone who tried to show him the tiniest bit of kindness after Solomon’s death. He had been the one to disappear nearly entirely when he got word of Anne joining their Uncle in an eternal rest. It had only been Ominis that he allowed to stand by his side as he buried her beside Solomon, if only as yet another offering of remorse for his actions that brought them all to that moment.

Of course the distance between Sebastian and MC was entirely his fault. He was the one who put it there, drove a wedge between them with his grief and his guilt. When he opened his mouth to say so, to explain, to accept the responsibility his voice was soft, and sincere.

“Because it was, MC. I was the one who disappeared. Who created this distance between us, built a wall and didn’t let anyone behind it. It was all entirely my fault. You were the one always chiding me about accepting the consequences of my actions, of my choices. That’s what I’m doing. Hoping that by doing so, we can… start over.”

MC took his admission with another breathy laugh, and a roll of her eyes. It had Sebastian contemplating what he possibly could have been missing from this equation. Why was she acting as though he was innocent? As though he had done nothing to cause this rift between them? Was it Pity? The thought of the girl he had pushed away, pitying him was enough to create a pit the size of a graphorn in his stomach. When he spoke again, his voice was soft and shaking.

He steeled himself, and said the one thing he had always, viscerally, wanted to say.

“I loved you, MC. I still love you. Even when I was acting as though I couldn’t care less about you. I was in love with you. There’s a part of me that thinks that I always will be, which is why I need you to listen to me. Let me try and fix this! Because there’s also a part of me that still believes you love me too.”

His voice raised an octave, as passion flowed through him and his speech. Sebastian took another risk, taking her cold hands into his, his thumbs gently caressing the unbelievably soft skin on the backs of her hands.

“Please.”

The tears that had been building in her eyes finally fell as Sebastian stared into her face with impassioned determination. He watched as they raced down her cheeks, falling onto their clasped hands. He watched as she took another shaky breath, squeezing her eyes shut tight.

“No, Sebastian. It was me. I left. I could have tried harder to be there for you when… after… Well, everything. But I didn’t want to. I was sick over how much you had lost because of me. I should have listened to Ominis when he told me not to encourage you with the relic. I should have stopped you from… I should have stopped you that night in the catacombs with Solomon. I could have and I didn’t.”

She takes a beat, to breathe deeply again.

“Then, Anne. Merlin. I… I just couldn’t… I couldn’t bear to… to be around you after she. After I couldn’t save her. The guilt of everything that was my fault, and seeing how hurt you were because of it all. I just… I distanced myself from you. It was me, Sebastian. I wanted this, because I was selfish and couldn’t accept what I had done, that I had played a part in all of your pain. Because I loved you too.”

The room was silent once again. Save for the sounds of their shared labored breathing, both of them trying to catch their breath after their passionate confessions and exclamations. Both of them trying to absorb the other's words. They had lived entirely separate lives, distanced themselves from one another because they both believed themselves to be at fault. If they could have just talked to one another, all those years ago, perhaps it wouldn’t have had to be this way. Perhaps MC wouldn’t have had to face death to see Sebastian again.

Sebastian was about to shoulder more blame, tell her how he could have chased her, could have tried harder once he had crawled out of his hole of grief stricken depression. Though before he could say anything, he was smiling softly, his eyebrow quirked with mild amusement and curiosity. He gave her hands a gentle squeeze.

“Loved? As in past tense?”

Despite it all, that incessant hope in his heart flickered still, and he held his breath while he watched her expression soften. Her hands dropped his, and she caressed his face with gentle fingers. “Don’t think I let myself think about it too much, or for too long… because it’s painful too. But I think you know that I do, still, love you, Sebastian.”

He did know, deep, deep down, but still, he wanted to hear her say it. It had been worth it, hearing those words from her mouth had his heart feeling like it was going to burst forth from his chest. The tears of guilt and anxiety now replaced with tears of joy he had not felt in a long, long time. It felt as though the weight of the entire world was lifted from his chest, like he was breathing fresh air for the first time after months underground.

Sebastian stood up, to hold MC’s face in his hands and stare into her eyes, hoping that she could sense his sincerity.

“We were both stupid kids. Didn’t know what the hell we were doing, I’m still sorry, and I will forever blame myself for us being in this position now… but we’re not kids anymore. Do you think… Do you think we could do this? Fix this? Be together?”

He was nervous to ask, but the look in her eyes wasn’t dowsing his hope, it was igniting it. Her lips slowly curled into a smile, and her voice was soft, and as sincere as he felt.

“I’d like to try.”

No sooner had the words left her mouth when his lips were pressing against hers, his fingers moving to tangle into her hair, still caked with her own blood. Some part of Sebastian expected to feel sparks, or some dramatic swell of emotion that made him weak in the knees, but the kiss settled into his heart like he’d been dosed with a calming draught, like this is where he had always meant to be, with her lips on his.

Sebastian had been so lost in the moment, in this reconciliation with MC, he had forgotten he was at work, on shift, as a Healer. The thought had managed to weasel its way into his mind, ruining the passionate moment with MC, and it felt like he had been doused with ice water.

He pulled away with an apologetic smile, and his fingers still on her chin.

It had been just in time, as at that moment the door swung open, revealing his Trainee Healer, having returned with more vials of blood-replenishing potion he had ordered for MC. He hoped that the position they were discovered in could be seen as an innocent exam.

Sebastian managed to ignore the teasing grin MC was giving him, with her back to the Trainee. He met his fellow Healer halfway into the room and accepted the vials with a smile and a thank you before she left once again, shutting the door quietly.

When Sebastian turned back around, to set the vials onto the side table beside the bed, MC had laid herself back against the pillows, playing the role of innocent patient well.

He stood beside the bed, unable to fight his smile or the urge to caress her hair as he stood at her bedside. Sebastian tried putting himself back into the role of Healer, and not lovesick former school friend.

“My shift is up in a few hours. Will you behave and be a good patient until then? Please? We can… talk.”

MC gave him a mischievous grin, and made a show of settling herself into the bed.

“I suppose I can stick around for a few more hours. I’ll be sure to be the most needy patient you have ever had the misfortune of dealing with.”

Her teasing comment seemed to bring the oxygen back into the room, the tension dissipating instantly as he rolled his eyes and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. The tender moment making his heart swell, one he had had many a daydream about.

“I’d expect nothing less.” He slid the bottles of potion across the wooden side table, and closer to MC. “I’ll be back to make sure you take these. One every half an hour until I’m certain you have an adequate amount of blood back in your body.”

MC rolled her eyes, and Sebastian returned it with a grin before moving towards the door of the exam room and slipping outside. Before he fully left the room, he peeked back inside.

“Hey MC?” Once he had her attention, he said what he wanted to say. “I’m glad you got cursed today.”

Sebastian managed to close the door with a loud laugh, and made his way down the corridor towards his next patient, before he had to endure whatever scathing retort or hex MC undoubtedly had for him.

#sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x f!mc #GOD this is nerve wracking #i have never been so nervy to post a fic lmao #why are fic endings so damn hard #ok here it is have fun enjoy #hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy fanfic

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bathomet-writes · 1 year

Text

a view to a thrill

summary: It’s been months since the Kraang attack on New York, and Raph has been acting a little strange lately. He’s been doing something in secret, that much Leo knew. And tonight, his brothers are gonna get to the bottom of it!

relationship: Raph x F!reader

warnings: romantic, fluff, humor, secret dating, forehead kisses, sfw

word count: 4,033

author's note: this is a request for @/snipersiniora!! enjoy!!

It’s been months since the Kraang attack on New York. After all the clean-up and recuperation efforts, the city was mostly back to normal. A new normal, anyway.

Leo sat at the kitchen island, munching on the last slice of leftover pizza as he thought about all the changes he and his family had been going through lately.

They had all talked about and dealt with most of the fallout of the Kraang. It was hard, but necessary. Leo hated having to watch all his brothers live through each of their experiences all over again, every time the subject was seriously brought up. The healing was almost harder than the pain, weirdly enough.

Shaking his head, Leo tries to stop himself from spiraling back down that rabbit hole. He didn’t like how conscious of his own emotions he was becoming. It made him jumpy, on edge.

It also made him a lot more hyper aware. Not just of himself, but of his brothers too. He found himself becoming much more of a helicopter parent of sorts. It came with being the leader, he supposed. Didn’t make it any less annoying.

As he swallowed the final bite of pizza, Leo’s thoughts went to Raph.

“Where is that guy anyway?”

It wasn’t like Raph had to be at the lair the same time every night. He was free to do whatever he pleased! But it was nearly 7 PM, and Leo hadn’t seen heads or tails of Raph all day.

Going out on ‘solo missions,’ volunteering to grab pizza, take out, what have you. Raph had a clever excuse for every time his brothers asked where he was going. Leo noticed that he was taking longer and longer to come back each time, but that wasn’t enough of a reason to be suspicious.

In his lab, Donnie was casually checking in on everyone’s pins during a break from his video game when he saw it. Raph’s little red icon was nowhere on the map. Was his tracker glitching out or something?

“Not possible,” Donnie seethes. “My tech is immaculate.”

He zoomed out to get a wider view of the sewers. It was only a 10 mile radius, but surely Raph was somewhere around.

Nothing.

He zooms out again, looking at a 15 mile radius.

Zip.

“What…?”

He didn’t usually keep tabs on his brothers like this, but Donnie was starting to get worried. Quickly, he taps into the city’s surveillance systems and gets a complete view of New York. Far off on the other end of town, near the docks to be precise, Donnie saw a red dot blinking away.

“Ah. He’s probably busting up a mafia ring or something. Yeah!” Donnie nods to himself.

Couldn’t be anything else.

Suddenly, the blinking stops. Donnie scrambles to the edge of his chair to grab at the computer screen. Raph turned off his GPS…

“Okay, that’s it.”

In the rec room area, Mikey had been pacing around for a while. With board games and phone in hand, he was starting to panic. Tonight was supposed to be family game night, and Mikey was the only one who showed up. Even Splinter bailed on him, having accidentally passed out on his bed after dinner.

“This is so not cool. I had the games picked out and everything!”

Right as Mikey drops the box of Scrabble and the container of dominos, Donnie storms in.

“This is ridiculous.”

Mikey spins around, equally exasperated. “You’re tellin’ me! Can you believe it?”

Leo had sauntered in as well, his curiosity piqued when he heard the commotion all the way from the kitchen. Crossing his arms, he leans up against the entryway.

“It’s so frustrating. Is it so much to ask for a little communication? A little honesty?”

Donnie and Mikey approach, nodding their heads furiously along with their brother.

“Right!”

“Precisely!”

The three of them stand there for a second, in total silence. Leo slowly blinks his eyes open.

“What are we talking about? I mean, I know what I’m talking about.”

Donnie points at his wrist. “I’ll tell you: Raph, our brother, has just turned off his tracker. How did he even do that? It’s subcutaneous!”

Leo clears his throat with a furrowed brow. He was just going to ignore the fact that Donnie somehow managed to implant tracking devices inside all of them. For now.

“He couldn’t have chewed it out. Mine’s all the way back here!” Mikey spins around, grabbing pitifully at the back of his neck. “Dang, almost.”

“Wait— He what? Lemme see that.”

Leo grabs at Donnie’s wrist, scanning over the map display. “You didn’t happen to—“

“Near the docks, I already committed it to memory.”

Donnie gives his brothers a haughty grin as they applaud his excellent memory.

“Impressive!”

“Very sneaky,” Mikey smirks.

Then, Leo brings them all in for a short conference.

“Okay, it’s clear to me now that Raph is most certainly hiding something. He’s not in trouble, or else he’d be calling one of us. Right?”

Mikey whips out his phone and dials Raph. “Let’s see…”

They watch with bated breath as the line rings. Raph wouldn’t ignore a phone call from his youngest, goodest brother, would he?

“Hey, you’ve reached Raphael! I can’t come to the phone right now—“

“HYAH—!” Mikey tosses his phone against the wall. “Not the voicemail!”

This wasn’t like Raph at all, they wonder to themselves.

Surely he, of all people, would want to keep his loved ones close after the invasion. He didn’t have to stay put in the lair all the time, but he could have at least had the decency to keep his tracker on. Leo nods, making the executive decision.

“Then it’s settled.” He pulls out his portal lying sword and slices through the air. “C’mon.”

Leo calmly walks through, with Mikey and Donnie following close behind.

Raph’s been doing something in secret, that much Leo knew. And tonight, his brothers are gonna get to the bottom of it!

—

Quietly, Raph hops in-between shipping containers. He was running late, so he resorted just to using his ninja skills to get him to his destination.

He didn’t even check his phone when he felt it buzz.

“No time! Can’t talk!” He speaks to the inanimate object before stowing it away.

Finally, he sees it. Albeartoland!

Raph zeros in on the silhouette of the roller coaster in the distance before flash-stepping. It wasn’t like he would be breaking in, there weren’t exactly any security around the place, but Raph tried to creep in as stealthily as he could.

It was never in great shape before (the Mad Dogs made sure of that when it first opened), but Albeartoland was officially closed after the invasion. The NYC Clean-Up Project just didn’t have it in the budget to refurbish a dilapidated amusement park.

The rides were all mostly destroyed, the main roller coaster barely being held together. The ferris wheel was somewhere in the ocean below the pier, most likely. But what didn’t rely on electricity was still intact.

Carnival games, abandoned food stands, and walkable attractions. It wasn’t ideal, but Raph hoped to himself that they would be enough entertainment for tonight.

Once he finally made his way to the entrance, he quietly surveyed the area.

“She must have left already…” Raph sighs to himself.

“Nope, still here.”

Suddenly, Raph twists around to see you standing just behind the front gate. You smile, giving him a small salute. “I wouldn’t give up after only…15 minutes of waiting?”

You glance down at your phone, checking the hour. “Plus, you actually gave me enough time to find the breaker. Maybe you can use your brute strength to kick it on and we can see if this place has any juice left.”

His spirit lifts immediately as he brings you into a spine-breaking hug. “You’re the best!”

You weakly fight back against his hold, blushing as he places a couple of smooches on the top of your head.

“I know! Now put me down before you break something.”

He gives you one last kiss before setting you back down. His face was starting to heat up as well.

“You’re right, you’re precious cargo.”

Chuckling, you lead him over to the power breaker in the center of the park. You didn’t really have any knowledge about circuitry, but most of the wires were either torn out or fried. Couldn’t hurt to try it anyway.

“After you. I’m pretty sure you won’t get electrocuted…” You shrug, moving to the side to allow him to pull the main switch.

“Pfft, I’m sure it’s fine.” Raph spits onto the palms of his hands, rearing up to grab ahold of the handle. “Stand back, wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”

You back away, putting your arms up defensively. “From the sparks?”

“No, from the gun show.” He smirks, flexing his impressive arms.

You ogle him from afar as he pulls the switch up. With a loud mechanical sound, the power kicks back on and the park slowly begins to light up. You get momentarily distracted from Raph as the twinkling lights blink on around you.

“Not bad, Red. You better start charging me admission.” You slink back over to him, letting your fingers walk along his toned muscles.

In the distance, you swear you hear something. Maybe it was all in your head, but you swore you just heard someone vomit.

“Hm?” You look behind you.

Nobody. Weird.

You feel Raph begin to pull away from your touch, flustered at your compliment.

“Ahaha…” He smiles goofily at you. “Why don’t we take a walk around? There’s probably a game that isn’t completely trashed.”

You glance back one more time before going to catch up with Raph. “Yeah, right.”

For a while, the two of you busy yourselves with trying out various attractions. The sledgehammer bell game instantly caught your eye. A test of strength would be the perfect thing to impress Raph, you thought to yourself.

With a bit of swagger in your step, you make your way over to the game. “Check this out, stud.”

Lifting himself out of a toppled food cart, Raph looks up at you with a piece of funnel cake in his mouth.

“Dude, how old is that?” You grimace as you lift up the hammer.

Swallowing the rest, Raph wipes away the crumbs. “Tastes pretty old.”

He giggles watching your face twist with disgust.

“Whatever. Prepare to be amazed!”

You lift the hammer high over your head before bringing it down. The rubber collides with the sensor, causing the dial on the machine to shoot up. It bobs a bit near the top before dropping to the middle, right around the ‘weakling’ marker.

You stutter, feeling sheepish. “That…that one didn’t count.”

Before you know it, Raph walks up behind you and politely offers his hand. “These games are all rigged. Here, let me.”

Raph gives you that warm, confident look that always fills your stomach with butterflies. Blushing, you hand the hammer to him.

“Well, you’ll probably just break it anyway. Go ahead.” You scoff.

He squares his legs to about shoulder-length apart, almost like he’s about to tee off at golf. Raph takes his sweet time getting ready before finally hitting the sensor.

Gingerly, he brings his arms up and taps the hammer. “Boop.”

You throw your head back, rolling your eyes. “Okay, wise guy. How ‘bout you try for real now?”

Raph tosses a snarky look your way, his fang poking out of his mouth.

“If you say so.”

In a flash, you watch as Raph summons his mystic powers. His red, glowing arms expand out to grab ahold of the hammer. It was dwarfed by his large hands, but his grip remained tight. With a boost of speed and power, Raph reels back and practically smashes the sensor.

The dial on the game goes much higher this time, unsurprisingly. Just when you both think it’ll hit the bell at the top, it sinks back down to the lowest marker.

You blink, stepping forward. “What does that say…? Wimp?”

Smirking, you hear Raph shuffle next to you.

“No. That can’t be right!”

“Oh yeah, you’re right. It actually says ‘Shrimp.’ My bad.”

Raph’s face breaks out into a deep red color before he shakes his mystic fist at the game. He sure did like to talk to inanimate objects a lot.

“Callin’ me shrimpy, huh? You wanna go?” He growls.

Then, he leaps up high into the air, locking his fists together. If the hammer wasn’t enough to prove his strength, his fists certainly could.

You nonchalantly walk back a safe distance, watching him relentlessly smash the sensor with his massive hands. He moves on to just destroying the rest of the game in a blind rage, flattening the bell with a resounding crunch.

With a dry chuckle, you walk back up to him after his mystic energy disappears.

“You sure showed it who’s boss.” You kick at the remnants of the game.

Raph pouts, folding his arms across his chest. “Serves it right.”

You have to stop yourself from ‘aww’-ing at his angry face. He was just too adorable! Thinking on your feet, you skip away from Raph.

“Hold on!” You shout.

You look around at all the nearby booths, digging through the rubble and debris. To your disappointment, there really weren't any carnival prizes left. All the plushies were either taken by young delinquents raiding the park or destroyed in the Kraang invasion, apparently.

You nearly give up before you walk past the last booth. There was exactly one Albearto plush left, hanging sadly on the side of the counter. You snatch it up and quickly try to dust it off.

You tip-toe back up to Raph, plush hidden behind your back. He was still sulking, but he had moved to sit at the edge of the dock. His beefy legs dangled off the pier.

You smile cheekily, poking his shell. “Since you did technically hit the bell, I think you deserve a prize. The law of the amusement park demands it.”

Raph peeks up at you, still scowling. “Whaddaya mean?”

You present him with the Albearto plush with a flourish. “Ta-da! I know you hate kinda hate this guy, but…”

Before your slightly embarrassed ramblings can go on, Raph takes the toy from you. His eyes go wide and watery at your kind gesture.

“F-For me?”

You and Raph stare at each other lovingly.

“You don’t need a carnival game to tell you that you’re literally the strongest dude alive.” You wink, moving closer to scratch underneath Raph’s chin. Right where he liked it.

In the background, another voice calls out. It was…cheering?

There it was again! You spin around toward the source of the noise. Was someone following you?

Raph’s contented sighs of happiness soon drown out your errant thoughts. You were just paranoid, you thought. Facing him again, you give Raph a couple more scritches.

“That’s so weird.” You whisper.

“Mmm…what is, baby?”

His cute pet name sends a bolt of lightning straight to your heart. You think it might actually stop beating for a second.

“What did I tell you about calling me that?” Your eyeball twitches, trying to reign in your emotions.

Raph sighs, lumbering to stand up. He moves your hands away so that he can slide his up to your face.

“You said that you’d probably have a heart attack and die. But I think you were lyin’ to me.” He smirks.

You tuck your head into your shirt collar, feeling positively bombarded with affection. Raph knew that whenever he called you that, you melted into a human puddle.

“Stop! I’ll push you off!” You joke, playfully slapping his hands away.

Raph laughs, moving away. “Okay, okay. Do you think the carousel still works—“

The wood plank Raph was standing began to creak and whine under your combined weights. Maybe the park was in worse shape than he thought. Suddenly, the edge of the pier shifts, the weather-worn wood snapping.

All Raph can do is stare dumbly into your eyes as he starts to fall. Even his ninja reflexes weren’t quick enough to catch him.

“Raph!” You shout, reaching your hands out to somehow catch him.

Without even thinking, your body launches forward on instinct. You knew you didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell, but you knew you had to save Raph. Even if it meant dislocating your shoulder.

Your hands shoot out as you fall to the ground. The wood was weak, but it had you up. The splintered edge dug roughly into your stomach, but you didn’t care. You grit your teeth, feeling your hands grab onto something.

Somehow, you manage to grab a hold of Raph’s wrist.

Raph gulps, his voice shaky.

“I thought you were kidding.”

You quickly grab him with your other hand, trying with all your might to pull him back up. It didn’t help that Raph weighed…well, as much as an insanely jacked mutant turtle weighed.

“Shut up and get back up here!” You groan.

You don’t even pay attention to the sound of something landing behind you.

Raph strains a bit, but swings his other arm up. He catches the edge of the pier with his index finger and slowly pulls himself back up.

“Thank God I didn’t skip arm day,” he hisses.

Finally, you pull Raph all the way up. Dragging you both over to the prize booth nearby, you pant and try to catch your breaths.

“T-Thanks,” He wheezes, grabbing his chest. “I almost took a swim.”

You bend down and lean onto your knees, shooting Raph an apologetic frown.

“Don’t thank me. You did most of the work.”

“You’re probably right, but your bravery was commendable. Well done.”

A nasally voice echoes behind you, giving you a half-hearted clap. Donnie walks forward, cocking his head to the side. He was sizing you up, analyzing your face.

“Woah, who’s the babe?” Leo pops his head over Donnie’s shoulder, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

You feel yourself start to sweat under their scrutinizing gazes. You definitely knew Raph had brothers, you’ve seen their blurry images on social media. But you’ve never officially met them. Raph and you have had many conversations about it, whether or not he should tell them about your relationship. You both came to the conclusion that, at least for now, it’d be best to keep it on the down-low.

With the blue and purple-clad turtles eyeing you up and down, however, that might be a little difficult.

You gulp. Time to make a good first impression.

“Hey, isn’t there an orange one?”

Well, maybe just an impression.

“That’s me!”

Mikey slides in and places an arm over your shoulder, bringing you into a friendly side-hug.

Soon enough, the three brothers crowd into your personal space, trying to get a better look at you. Their heads press up against one another, making you snicker.

“Uh, hello.” You take a step back.

“Wait—!” Raph marches over to stand in-between you and the others. “What are you bozos doin’ here?”

Taking the lead, Leo pushes himself forward.

“We’re just here to check up on our dear older brother. We didn’t look up your location and follow you all the way out here to snoop, because if you’re thinking that, you’re dead wrong.”

Raph narrows his eyes. He looks over to a meek looking Mikey and Donnie, waiting to hear their excuse. They didn’t even try to lie, simply shrugging to him.

“You turned off your tracker. Could you blame us?” Donnie sighs.

“And, you missed family game night! We were gonna do our domino rematch like you promised.” Mikey’s lip quivers, giving Raph big puppy dog eyes.

“That was tonight? Ugh.” Raph slaps his forehead.

He did feel like he was pulling away from his brothers a little bit lately, but he was always sure to keep his schedule straight. There was family time, and there was you time.

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t…”

Raph looks back at you, politely standing off to the side.

You didn’t want to interrupt, or accidentally say anything stupid. This seemed like a more personal matter between brothers, so you just kept to yourself. When Raph looks back at you, eyes searching for the right words, you bite at your lip.

Quickly, you introduce yourself to Leo, Donnie, and Mikey.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take your brother away from you guys.”

Your heart was pounding in your chest as they looked at you curiously. You don’t know how else to behave in front of them, so you just bow. It’s a formal, almost awkward way to greet them. But how else could you react to meeting more of the people who basically saved the entire world from alien invaders.

“Thank you for saving New York. Not just from the Kraang, obviously…” You chuckle, looking at the ground. “But for all that other stuff.”

Suddenly, Leo breaks out into laughter.

You straighten your back, looking even more awkward. Did you say something wrong? Did your bowing offend them somehow? Your mind raced as Leo continued to guffaw at you.

Suddenly they all realize, in their own unique way, that Raph had a girlfriend. A real, flesh-and-blood girlfriend!

Leo was a little surprised, but proud nonetheless. He was just relieved that Raph wasn’t hiding some deep, dark secret about moonlighting as a vigilante or something.

“Holy shit! This one’s a card! Nice going, brother.” Leo playfully slaps at Raph’s back.

Donnie hangs back, seemingly trying to do endless math equations in his mind. If his brother had been dating, surely he would have seen all the signs? How did Raph manage to evade his expert perception for months?

“For no reason in particular, could you give me all of your personal information? Phone number, work place, social security number.” Donnie approaches you, notepad in hand.

“I’m gonna go with ‘no.’” You smirk, pushing him away.

Mikey was nothing but ecstatic! He jumped forward, wrapping you up in a big, cuddly hug. He was a little miffed at Raph for skipping family time, but how could he stay mad knowing that his big bro had finally found love?

“Welcome to our messed up family! Our dad’s a rat!”

You stumble a bit when he crawls onto your back, but you give his hand a friendly pat. “So I’ve heard.”

Raph watches with slight disbelief as Leo walks up and greets you as well. You all exchange your names and get all the pleasantries out of the way.

Was it always going to be this easy, you meeting all of his brothers? Suddenly, Raph felt pretty bad for being so nervous about introducing you. Not that he didn’t trust you, or that the others wouldn’t, it’s just that he didn’t know how to navigate that part of your relationship yet.

Then, Raph feels a pang of love deep in his gut. He knew that as long as he had his brothers and you, he’d be okay. He’d be more than okay.

“I didn’t know how else to react, okay? What, did you want me to say ‘thank you for your service’?’” You joke.

“Yikes, that’s worse.” Leo scratches the side of his head and laughs along with you.

Raph silently approaches, moving to stand behind you.

“Sorry guys. I know I’ve been kinda—“

“Ah-ah. Say no more. We know.” Donnie waves him off with a lazy smile.

“Yeah, you’ve only been dating for a couple of months. You were just taking your time!” Mikey flashes Raph a bright smile, giving him a thumbs up.

Then, you look back to Raph, quirking up an eyebrow.

“Should we tell them?”

Raph chuckles, a sweat drop running down his face.

“A couple of months, a year, what’s the difference?”

The five of you stand there for a second. You could hear a pin drop.

“WHAAAAAAT?”

Leo, Donnie, and Mikey collectively scream, attacking Raph and tackling him to the ground.

You cackle watching them playfully fight with each other. Your life was bound to become a lot more messed up now, but that was just fine with you.

taglist: @saspas-corner

#rottmnt x reader #raph x reader #rottmnt raph x reader #raphael x reader #tmnt x reader #sfw #requests

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callofdudes · 7 months

Note

König angst please please please!

I did struggle a little because I didn't have much context with this one. But I did come up with a little something for König angst. Thank you anon 😊

Tell me their Name, paint me in blood.

Summary: König never expected to get kidnapped, and he never expected to be interrogated on a familiar name from his past.

Word count: 2.9K+

Cw: angst, torture, talks of trauma, childhood friends Reader and König. Two lines of probably improper German.

König opens his eyes, gasping as cold water hits his face, freezing his cheeks and drenching his chest and legs. His eyelids feel heavy, water dripping from his bottom lip. Bright light invades his eyes, making him shy away, trying to get used to it.

"Wakey wakey," A voice comes from his left, a man walking closer, throwing the water pale to the ground with a clatter. König attempted to move before realizing he was secured tightly to a chair.

The man walked faced him, hands behind his back. "Verdammtes Licht…" (fucking light) König hissed, blinking rapidly.

"Sie werden sich daran gewöhnen." (you'll get used to it) The man replied, smug at revealing he knew the mother tongue.

"Whatever you want, I won't give you," König replied sharply.

The man hummed, reaching forward and grabbing Konig by the jaw, twisting his head to look him in the eye. "You have no idea what I could do to you. My name is Snake, and I already know yours. We're looking for a friend of yours, and you're to give me answers. Now."

König grunted. "I know no one!"

Snake frowned. "Not true. You see, we know your name and that you have a connection to a soldier named Y/n."

König's eyes widened.

Snake raised an eyebrow, smirking. "I thought so."

Y/n… No, no. König grits his teeth. "I don't know anyone like that. It's a dead end for you."

Y/n and him were childhood friends. Well, until he had to move from where he was living to Austria. You were an exchange student staying for a couple of years to finish school. You were friends right up until König left. You had always kept in contact. You were a dear friend to him. But when he joined the military, the connection stopped.

Snake gripped König's hair, pulling him forward. "You are lying to me. That little rat has been fucking us up, and you just so happen to know who the fuck they are. So don't play dumb with me."

König refused. He wouldn't. And besides, hearing your name was too painful.

Snake growled. "You don't have a choice here. I will make you talk. And it will only be more painful the longer you keep quiet."

König was stubborn, and it was about to cost him.

You woke up with your arm numb and aching. You blinked at the clock. Who on earth? You looked back at the window when you heard a rhythmic tapping. You sat up, ringing out your arm previously positioned behind your head.

Getting out of bed, you went to the window and opened it. Seeing none other than your favourite German boy. "König, what are you doing??" You rubbed your eye, yawning.

"I couldn't sleep again. I'm sorry to bother you, but you didn't answer my texts."

"Well, it's two in the morning." You sighed, stepping back. "Come get comfy then." You knew you couldn't shoo him away, watching him leave like a sad puppy who did something wrong. So König climbed into your window, brushing himself off and looking around again. "Ah- thank you."

"Come on, get some sleep."

You walked back to your bed, attempting to make room for König to slip in with you, and he did. Your first sleepover had been hesitant. He refused even the thought of sharing a bed with you. And when you were curled up on the couch later, he realized how nice it was, and things spiralled.

His arms wrapped around your waist, holding your back to his chest, keeping you securely against him.

"Thank you…" He whispered against your neck, closing his eyes softly. Attempting to let the stress go and relax. It was just you and him. All this drama going on between his parents wasn't happening.

He didn't hear them arguing again. There wouldn't be a divorce.

And you were there with him through it all.

A harsh slap sent him spiralling back into reality as Snake left a searing mark on his face. "Head up!" He demanded, the door opening and two other men entering.

König's eye twitched, he was tempted to spit on the ground before them.

One of the men was carrying a large metal toolbox.

Snake smiled. "This is the part where you tell me what I want to know, or… I won't be so nice."

König's eyes narrowed. He eyed the box, then Snake. His heart pounded. He could tell them. He honestly didn't know anything. All he knew was he joined the military and tried to move on.

Head in the game. His heart stuck back in that room with you. Back where you comforted him, hands wiping away his fallen tears and reminding him how much you loved him.

It made his stomach twist, and his heart clench, thinking of your smile. The face that still plagues his mind, infesting him like a virus.

"Nothing?" Snake asked, raising an eyebrow. "So be it."

König watched as the man put down the box and unlocked it, revealing the items inside. There were needles, hammers, pliers, and other items that would be used for torture.

König's eyes widened. "Fuck you!"

"That can be arranged. Unless you want to give me what I need to know." Snake pulls out one of the items, König's eyes watch it as Snake hands it to one of his men. A garrote.

The man moves behind König, who attempts to wriggle, snapping the wire around König's throat. He tightened it around Königs pulsing neck. König choked, trying to move back, feeling the tightness starting to dig its way into his flesh. The wire was thin and strong enough it easily sliced and drew blood while cutting his oxygen.

Snake leaned forward. "You have two options: tell me, or die slowly."

König wheezed. "F-Fuck off…" He gurgled on his blood that attempted to rise, and the man pulled back, letting König take a few deep breaths before tightening it again. König grits his teeth, looking up at Snake. He wouldn't release information. That's not what all this training was for.

But then, the wire was released, the soldier removing it from his neck covered in blood. The line where the skin was ripped along König's throat started to trickle blood faster.

Snake sighed. "You're an idiot. And it's your loss."

König breathed heavily, spitting blood out of his mouth and glaring up at Snake.

"Now, we could get to the good stuff," Snake said, pulling out a hammer.

König's heart raced. The hammer twisted in Snake's hand dangerously, suddenly swinging it and ringing it down on König's hand, smashing his knuckles. König tried to hold in his noises, grunting as the hammer lifted and hit the other hand, smashing down hard, and König heard a crunch, letting out a noise of pain this time.

"Where is Y/n? I will get it out of you," Snake said, twisting the hammer in his hand.

König tried to blink through the pain, his mind foggy and drifting, imagining you again. Waking up that next morning with you still in his arms. Hand running down your cheek, seeing how peaceful you were with you.

When all was said and done, you two could graduate together. And who knows, he hoped his life continued. No matter how his plans for the future seemed or how bleak the way. He wanted you to be with him.

Your eyelids fluttered open softly, looking up at him. "Hey there, big guy." You whispered. The way you said it never made him feel self-conscious about his height. It made him happy to hear you.

"Morning." He whispered back.

You leaned in, settling your head on his chest, wrapping an arm around him.

Those arms were cold as he stirred, head forced back as another bucket of water was brought in. Bringing him back to reality as the cold water was presented. One of the men, still with a tight grip on his hair, shoved a dirty rag in his mouth, covered in God only knows what.

He gagged, and the bucket was lifted to his face and poured. His vision was blurry as the water entered his nose. The rag blocked any oxygen he attempted to breathe in, and he gagged and coughed as he suffocated. He tried to thrash, but they held his head up, forcing the water down his throat and up his nose.

His heart was racing, his hands burned, and so did his throat. His mind raced as he was unable to get air. It wasn't long until his head started to become fuzzy, the blackness at the edges of his vision threatening to swallow him up.

He started to slip away, only to be pulled back, the bucket removed. And the rag from his mouth, allowing him to choke out what was obstructing his oxygen. Water pooled down his lips and chin, gasping for air and coughing violently.

Snake again right there, on him like a hunter on fresh prey. He pulled out a photo and showed it to him. König fought for his vision, panting as it focused in again, seeing the photo.

It was you. A gun in hand, looking down the sight, sharp eyes focused on the target. You were wearing a SpecGru outfit.

He panted. That was you.

"Where. Is. Y/n?"

König shook his head. "I don't know! I don't know anything about them!"

Snake growled. "I will make you regret this."

König stared down at the photo. Seeing you, seeing your face again. He smiled. His vision went blurry again before his head was shoved back into the bucket, choking and forced to take more water. His lungs burned, and his head felt heavy again as the water continued to invade every orifice it could.

He struggled, inhaling water from every angle. Seeing your eyes again. Remember looking into them in slight glances from a classroom full of other people. Seeing how you lit up when you saw the book you'd wanted at the library. Laughing with him over coffee while your homework was spread out without a care.

And your laugh… God, he really wasn't over you. He thought that if he forced you away from himself enough, you would leave. That you would wriggle from his life, and the pain would stop.

The pain of missing you every day. The pain of knowing you were an enemy now. The pain of his lack of oxygen made his head swirl and circuit, trying to fight.

His own tears mixed with the water as he thrashed for his life.

And he was pulled back up.

"Please," König pleaded, gasping for breath as Snake took his time, looking over the photo once more.

"Please! I don't know where they are, please believe me!"

Snake looked back at König, his eyes narrowed. "Then you will die for nothing."

König choked, the rag shoved back into his mouth, and the water poured back into his throat, pouring down on him.

He tried to struggle as he felt burning in his sides, blood dripping from his thighs, screaming and thrashing for any way out. They continued to inflict more pain on him. He tried anything he could do…

"Hey, Hey, König…" You stopped him, seeing the tears flooding down his cheeks. "Shh, what's wrong?" You let him inside, closing the door, and he shook, wrapping his arms around you.

You held him back, having a feeling you knew what this was. He didn't let go, keeping you close to him, burying his head in your shoulder, shaking violently.

"What happened??" You asked quietly, running your hand down the back of his head. He sniffled, so upset and scared. "The divorce is final…" König's voice shook.

"König… I'm so sorry." You knew how hard this was for him, holding him tightly.

"She's taking us to Austria next month." His voice broke, clinging to you. He may never see you again. The realization hit you as you

hugged him back, tears filling your eyes. Clinging on as tightly as you could. "König…"

You both kneeled on the cold tile floor, holding each other, being with each other. The last thing he got to do was hug you. You were in his arms one more time before he left on the plane. The following years of his life were torture, living with new people.

And he didn't have you to turn to. He could call you on the phone, but couldn't hold you. He couldn't see you face to face. He couldn't climb in your window to cuddle you for grounding…

He didn't feel like he ever really had a chance to say goodbye. And that haunted him.

He thought he could get over it… Get over you. How it took him now to realize this. How you always found a way to run back into his life and shatter the illusion that he was holding himself together alone perfectly fine.

Knowing that he'd die a foolish man.

His mind was spinning, barely realizing his body gasping for air, choking and vomiting, trying to grasp reality, but the torture kept coming.

His heart was racing, and he wasn't sure if his hands were numb from being smashed or his head was fuzzy from the lack of oxygen. The blackness was closing in on him, and he felt so faint.

His ears rang, unable to make out Snake's voice. He felt hot. Like he was burning up.

He was going to die. He would never see you again. You would never know…

And he wouldn't ever get to tell you.

How he loved you.

The last thing he saw was the photo. The only thing he could hear was your voice.

His body blocks out the hammer that collided with his temple or the blade that slashes into his abdomen. Tears stream down his cheeks, fading more and more as he's preyed on.

"We will find them. And we will kill them. Just like we will kill you." Snake's voice finally smashed through the sweet illusion of his death. Of his demise with you right in front of him. Wishing he could hold you.

Wishing he could cry to you. Wishing… So much wishing… He had so many wishes that would never come true.

The cut was deep, and he could barely feel it.

Snake looked at his work. König was gone, the look in his eyes was empty. He had been here before. Where König was now. He could see it in his eyes. His mind was trying to save him from the pain.

The fucked reality he's been living in where he's never tried to pick up and call you.

Where he blamed everything for what happened. He blamed himself for it all. And now you were back. You always came back for him. You never left him.

Snake's eyes narrowed, looking back at the photo. "Take him away. He's useless."

The men followed orders, carrying König away to be dumped.

And you. You were in danger. Snake would get to you one way or another. He would have his revenge.

And König would die.

König would never get to see you again.

The one person he wanted to hold in his arms again.

You were about to wake up that morning, and he was nowhere to be seen. But instead, you were woken up by a knock on your door.

And your world shattered.

You didn't get to say goodbye.

Your father gave you the news the plane had left, and König was gone. He'd hugged you the night before, but you never got to say goodbye. Tears filled your eyes, knowing you wouldn't see him in person again for a long time.

But you were determined to be in his life. One way or another. Even if it wasn't meant to be. You should have given up. Trying to stay got him killed. It would get you killed. And no one would win except your enemies.

But you refused to let him go.

You would find him.

No matter what it costs.

"König," you said, reaching up and touching his cheek. His eyes slowly opened, looking down at you, his eyes filled with tears. "I'm so sorry." You whispered. König reached out to touch you, ignoring the cold feeling in his body as he lay among the trash for his life to fall away. He ignored the blood and the pain he felt. Tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry I didn't come back…" He choked out, shaking.

You smiled, "It's okay, I'm here now."

König choked on a sob, holding onto you tightly. You were cold. Your arms which he'd loved so much when he was younger were frigid, but he couldn't let go.

He would never let go.

You held him back.

His eyes closed, and the ringing filled his ears, everything around him falling away as he held you. And soon, that too was gone. The illusion of you. His body gave up its fight, and he slipped away. Lying dead on the cold ground, soaking wet, bleeding, broken.

You always wanted to be together, one way or another.

And life vowed to keep you apart. One way… or another.

#call of duty #x reader #konig x reader #konig mw2 #konig cod #könig x reader #angst #call of duty modern warfare #könig x y/n #readers gender isnt specified #it could be seen as platonic but there are some slightly stronger romantic tones #but its angst so does it matter in the end lol?#nearly forgot the gif :(

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