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fernandoswarcrimes · 7 months

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You’re Losing Me x Carlos Sainz

“Stop.. you’re losing me..”

Taglist: @morgan108 @diary-of-jj @shea-theodore @pitchandgrid @wifemase @hal3ynicol3 @alicerubyfloyd @nicanicksnica @formulafootballfan

Word count: 3.3k

To be added to the rest of the series click here -> 🌌

You say, "I don't understand" and I say, "I know you don't"

We thought a cure would come through in time, now, I fear it won't

Remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light

Now, I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time

“I don’t understand what the problem is.” Carlos sighed, rubbing at his face in frustration. You’d been at each other’s throats for forty five minutes now, and over something so trivial. What had begun as him (forgetting to do the dishes? Change the laundry?) had spiraled into an outright argument over him not helping around the house, to him being out so late all the time now. “I know you don’t.” You had muttered, shaking your head with a sigh of your own.

“I can’t do this right now, I told Lando I’d meet him for dinner.” Carlos spoke, his curt reply signaling he was done with the argument, with the entire conversation. He grabbed his keys and walked out of the kitchen without another word as you stood there watching him go.

This is how things always went as of late—at least, that’s what it feels like. It’s always just another small bump in the road, one that you would get over. Always something that wouldn’t stop you from being happy again. Now, though, it seemed like nothing was going to fix things between the two of you. Small bumps are fine until you look back and realize there’s so many, the road is no longer driveable.

As you shut the kitchen light off and walk into the living room, you pause. It was one of yours and Carlos’s favorite rooms in the house because of how the light shone through the windows, illuminating the room in a soft glow when the sun set. Dusk was setting in now as you took a seat on the couch, the room falling into darkness as you sat there by yourself wondering if it was finally time to end it or not.

Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?

I'm getting tired even for a phoenix

Always risin' from the ashes

Mendin' all her gashes

You might just have dealt the final blow

It wasn’t even the big things that made you wonder. No, it was the stupid stuff. The small things you wished so badly you could convince yourself to put up with. You knew what the two of you had was special, could feel it in your very being, but it was beginning to not be love anymore. It was tiring, you were tired. Your mother always told you that you reminded her of a phoenix, always picking yourself up and mending your own wounds, never letting anyone help you because you could do it yourself. Times like these, you wish she was wrong.

You didn’t know why Carlos would rather sneak around and lie than just be honest with you. Maybe it was a pride thing. Charles, bless him, had been the one to accidently fill you in on what Carlos has been doing behind your back. He didn’t even mean to, but when he asked if you were at the club with Carlos last week because he thought he’d seen you with his teammate, it was the final blow. You weren’t at the club. You had been at home. You had been waiting on him because he told you he was stopping by his parents house. He had told you not to wait up for him. It started making you wonder what else he’s been lying about and how long he’s gotten away with it.

Every mornin' I glared at you with storms in my eyes

How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?

I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick

My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick

It was five am when Carlos’s alarm went off, making you roll over and glare at him as he slept. Lately, it’s like you aren't even in a relationship anymore. You sighed as you got up, moving to the kitchen and knowing he’d get up in a minute to get ready for his morning run.

As you cooked yourself something to eat you heard him moving around in your room. The footsteps you’d once longed for around the house had become ghostly, the antithesis of what it once was. You dread the sound of them approaching.

It wasn’t like this came out of nowhere, you had sent him signals and tried talking to him to let him know that things between you needed fixing or changing but, he always brushed them off, brushed you off. You were starting to turn into a shell of yourself the longer you stayed in this relationship and dealt with everything alone.

“Love you.” He mumbled, nothing more than a force of habit, grabbing a water bottle and leaving. He knew that things weren’t okay. You knew he knew, and he knew you knew he knew, and on and on and on until the end of time. It didn’t matter what you both knew, though, because he wasn’t ready to admit that out loud that the love you two had was long gone now. The both of you were just going through the motions and with how shitty the season was going he wasn’t ready to lose the one semi good thing he had left going for him.

And the air is thick with loss and indecision

I know my pain is such an imposition

Now, you're running down the hallway

And you know what they all say

"You don't know what you got until it's gone"

The house was heavy sad and you were running out of options. The confusion and grief that came along with the thought of having to leave the man you loved for the last seven years was hard. Harder than hard. Some kind of word that hasn’t been invented yet, hard. You know that your pain and problems weren't easy to deal with, but hell—he isn’t exactly Mr. Emotionally Intelligent, either. It just made you feel guilty that you were feeling this way and maybe that was the reason Carlos was pulling away.

So you did what any normal person would do, you called your mom and asked if you could come stay for the weekend. You needed to get away for a while, clear your head and figure out what you needed to do for yourself and there was no better place to do that than home. You packed a weekend bag and left after Carlos headed to Baku. The time you spent with your mother was eye opening. She had given you advice that you oh so badly needed to hear.

“Why do you keep letting him treat you this way?” she asked you, nudged a cup of tea an inch closer to you. “This is not the way someone who loves you should treat you.”

She was right, it wasn't how you were supposed to be treated. So it was no surprise to hear from Carlos when he got back and noticed you were gone, you’d left him a note on the fridge but apparently that wasn’t good enough. He didn’t realize all the things you usually did for him until you weren’t there to do them. Like help with laundry, cooking dinner and cleaning. Of course his mother raised him right but that didn’t mean he still wasn’t a guy who got comfortable with how things were.

My heart won't start anymore (Stop 'cause you're losing me)

You didn’t go to a lot of races, had your own career and your own life that was more than the title of girlfriend, but Barcelona was one you always attended. Things hadn’t gotten any better, but you still wanted to be there to support him—even if you knew it was going to be the last time. You stood next to Blanca, listened to her gush about her upcoming wedding, about the flowers and the dress and the table runners. You didn’t have the heart to tell her you’d have to miss it.

“Have you two got your outfits together yet? I know my brother can be pretty forgetful sometimes” Blanca asked, looking over at you with a happy smile. You did your best to give her a smile back, Carlos hadn’t mentioned it, but you didn’t want to burst her bubble. “I’ll remind him tonight, I’m sure you’re going to look absolutely beautiful.” You meant that, even if you aren’t going to be there to see her in person.

As Carlos pulled the car back into the garage after the race it was almost routine, he’d get out, take his helmet and stuff off before walking over and giving you a hug. You hang on a beat longer than normal, soak it all up—his hair and his smell and his skin and his arms. “I’m going to go grab my things,” you mumbled, motioning him to his waiting family before moving off to go grab your things. You didn’t plan on standing around for any longer than necessary. Each passing moment is nothing more than another opportunity for your heart to break.

How long could we be a sad song

'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life?

I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy

And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier

Fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me

I'm the best thing at this party (You're losing me)

And I wouldn't marry me either

A pathological people pleaser

Who only wanted you to see her

Your relationship, if it can still be called that, seems to long outlive its expiration. You don’t know how much longer it can go on like this, all the uncertainty. It felt like nothing but a sad song stuck on repeat, something that you couldn’t come back from. There had been times where the both of you got this way in the past but you were able to bring the relationship back to life but this time?

This time things were too far gone.

You had given him nothing but endless empathy everytime Ferrari screwed him over, everytime the media pulled quotes from their ass, everytime someone twitter blamed him for someone else’s mistakes. It was always you there for him. You were the only one fighting for him, right front and center when he had a bad race or when strategies didn’t work out, everything.

Yet, it was for nothing.

“Don’t ignore me Carlos, please,” you said softly, but the crack in your voice is clear. You’re at a party—Lando’s, drug here against your will, against your better judgment. You knew he needed to let loose, but all you wanted was to talk to him. You knew you had to instigate, that he’d ignore you all evening if you didn’t.

He was still losing you.

Everybody talks about the seven year curse. You never saw it coming, even if it was staring you square in the face.

1. You stop being curious about each other

First, it was the little things. No more questions, no more answers. You didn’t spend your time telling him about your favorite breakfast foods and he didn’t spend his time asking. Years came and went, and you thought it was endearing that there weren’t questions, that it was proof your relationship was strong. He knew you like the back of his hand, you’d told yourself.

2. You start keeping secrets from each other

The secrets, though, that’s a new development. A few months ago, he never would’ve sat at the table with his phone face down, never would’ve leaned away from you when he typed or managed to spend time with Lando even when Lando wasn’t in town.

3. You’re spending less meaningful time together

It’s hard to spend time with someone who’s never around, who never wants to be around. That’s all there is to say about that.

4. You start taking each other for granted

It was no secret Carlos had taken you for granted. Everyone knew it, they could see it anytime the two were together. You were at his beck and call, his personal chef, his maid and his housekeeper and his butler. His trainer and his assistant and whatever else he might possibly need.

5. You don’t discuss your goals anymore

You stopped wondering if he would ever propose two years ago. Well, you told yourself you stopped wondering. Everytime he asked you to go out or suggested you dress up nice or acted even the slightest bit weird, you were bouncy at the idea of him on one knee.

6. You’re drowning in criticism

What was harder than accepting you were never going to be his wife, maybe, was coming to terms with the fact that everyone else wanted it more than you. Seven years is a long time. It hung over both of your heads like a storm cloud of implication. You wondered if he ever planned on marrying you, or if the last seven years have been nothing but fun to him.

And lastly

7. You have no fight left

If you still had any fight left in you, you wouldn’t be googling the seven year curse while he silently sat at the other end of the sofa. You remember the moment you lost it, that last little bit of fight and fire. You remember it easier than you remember what it felt like to be in love with him.

You had shaken your head as Carmen sent another article of some “close friend” talking about how the media was portraying you as a pathological people pleaser. It hurt. Sure, you knew marriage wouldn’t fix everything but it was the fact you didn’t feel wanted or appreciated anymore that finally broke the walls down like a wrecking ball.

Carlos looked over at you watching you shake your head and pocketed your phone. “What’s that about?” He asked, he could tell something was bothering you and he had an inkling of what it could be, but, he wasn’t going to bring it up. If he did, that would make things real.

“Nothing, just… just Carmen sending me another article. I wouldn’t marry me either, you know? Since I’m such a pathological people pleaser,” you looked at him, waiting to see what he’d say. But when the room fell into heavy silence and he just continued to look at you, all you could do was give a curt nod and purse your lips as you got up off the couch and walked upstairs. You couldn’t stand looking at him anymore if he wasn’t going to fight for the relationship you two had.

Sure, you may have been a people pleaser, but that’s just who you were. You liked helping, liked making people happy. But the one thing you wanted most of all? You only wanted Carlos to see you, to see that you’ve been there for him through everything. Not as a complacent stand-in girlfriend, but to mean something to him like you used to back when.

And I'm fading, thinkin'

"Do something, babe, say something" (Say something)

"Lose something, babe, risk something" (You're losing me)

"Choose something, babe, I got nothing" (I got nothing)

"To believe, unless you're choosing me"

Two weeks had gone by and all you could think about was begging him to do something, to say something, anything, to you about how he was feeling. Give up his pride to show he still cared and loved you like you had loved him. It was his choice to make, you couldn’t force him to love you. He had to choose, all he had to do was choose.

But when he didn’t, you took it as a sign. Stop kicking a dead horse, pick yourself up and get on with your life. If he won’t then someone else will. Slowly but surely, every time he left for a race you’d pack up more things and ship them to your parents house. It took a bit longer than you figured it would but when you’ve spent seven years living with someone you realize just how much of your life is grounded in one place.

Once you had gotten all that you had, you stood in front of the dresser mirror looking at the necklace that you had on, remembering the memory of Carlos giving it to you when you both were teenagers. Your fingers play with it and it brings tears to your eyes to reach behind your neck and unclasp it. This would be the first and last time you ever took it off since being gifted it. As you held it in your hand, all crumpled and ready to be tangled, it made you realize that this was real, you were taking the step and finally walking away like you should have when all of this first started. You grabbed your bag off the bed and sat the necklace down on his nightstand knowing he’d find it whenever he got home. Taking one last look around the room you walked out and closed the door behind you, leaving the house key on the kitchen counter as you passed.

A necklace and a house key. The only implication that you were ever here, that you never would be again.

You're losing me

Stop (Stop, stop), you're losing me

I can't find a pulse, my heart won't start anymore

Carlos didn’t realize it until it was too late. He had unlocked the front door and the house was eerily quiet and cold. He frowned, set his bags down and realized you must’ve gone out. He checked his phone to make sure he didn’t miss a text from you letting him know, but there was nothing. No text, no call, nothing. It confused him even more as he shut the door and walked further into the house.

He paused when he entered the living room, everything looked normal until he sat his hands on the back of the couch making him pull his hands back in confusion, the fluffy blanket you always had laid there was gone. That made him look around the room even closer, quickly noticing the books and candles you had on the coffee table were no longer there. The pictures above the fireplace were gone, every single trace of you ever being in the house was no longer there.

He skipped half the steps on the way up the staircase, through the hallway and into your room; empty and cold, like the rest of the place. He moved over to the closet swinging the door open, his breath catching in his throat when he saw your side totally bare and empty. The dresser drawers matched.

But he noticed something out of the corner of his eye, laying on his nightstand. As he walked over the tears started pooling in his eyes as he picked the item up, it was the necklace he had given you when you both were sixteen. He had gotten it for you, wanting to show how much he loved and appreciated you. Holding it now just signified how much he had fucked up. You had never taken it off, no matter how many fights you two had gone through over the years. Never. Not until now.

You had given him so many signs that he blatantly ignored or brushed off thinking you would always continue to be there for him despite him acting the way he was.

And now?

The relationship that was so full of love had died and he couldn’t find any way to bring it back to life.

He finally lost you and it was completely his own undoing.

#imagine #formula 1 #series #midnightsseries #midnights song drabbles #you’re losing me #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz x reader #formula one x reader

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fernandoswarcrimes · 1 year

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Midnights (3am Edition)

- *start track*

Lavender Haze - Neymar Jr

Maroon - Pierre Gasly

Anti-Hero - Matthew Tkachuk

Snow On The Beach - Trevor Zegras

You’re On Your Own, Kid - Luca Fantilli

Midnight Rain - Christian Pulisic

Question…? - Mark Estapa

Vigilante Shit - Lewis Hamilton

Bejeweled - Pierre Gasly

Labyrinth - Mason Mount

Karma - Max Verstappen

Sweet Nothing - Jack Grealish

Mastermind - Sebastian Vettel (Redbull Era)

The Great War - Jack Hughes

Paris - Lewis Hamilton

High Infidelity - Ben Chilwell

Glitch - Jamie Drysdale

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve - Tyler Seguin

Dear Reader - Ethan Edwards

Hits Different - Charles Leclerc

You’re Losing Me - Carlos Sainz

- *stop track*

Sleepless nights = a mix of heartbreak, revenge, finding new love & a bit of self discovery.

(Some will be stand alones and some are 2-3 parters to different songs that tell different sides of the story.)

To be tagged click here -> 🌌

Enjoy✨🩵

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fernandoswarcrimes · 6 months

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High Infidelity x Ben Chilwell

“Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?”

Taglist: @morgan108 @diary-of-jj @shea-theodore @pitchandgrid @wifemase @hal3ynicol3 @alicerubyfloyd @nicanicksnica @formulafootballfan @Xoocourtneyxo @babybella337 @hobiismyhopeu @cha-hot @goldrushc @carlossainzwho @yourmom-lmao @ru-kru @styles-sunflower @swiftiebitchhere @judespoision

Word count: 3.1k

To be added to the rest of the series click here -> 🌌

Lock broken, slur spoken

Wound open, game token

I didn't know you were keeping count

Rain soaking, blind hoping

You said I was freeloading

I didn't know you were keeping count

“Do you have to be such a fucking cunt all the time?” Ben huffed after unlocking the front door, tossing his keys in the bowl in the entryway. “God it’s like every time-” he sighed, shaking his head as Lennon softly shut the door behind them. She was blindly hoping that he’d just drop it, it had been a long day for both of them and she could tell it was only going to start an argument at some point.

“I do all this stuff for you, I took you out on your birthday, I went out to dinner with your family. I got you flowers last week, I watched that stupid show you like with you, I do this, that, and the other things, and you don't ever do anything for me, you didn't even say thank you when I made the bed for you last week, you're just freeloading and taking advantage of my feelings for you.” He bit out pointing out every little thing he’s ever done for her over the course of the last few months as if she hadn’t done the same things for him.

Lennon could only stare at him as he threw all of that back in her face. Everything he just brought up was the bare minimum she never asked him to do any of that. She never kept track of what they both did for each other so she couldn’t even come up with an argument back because she was never keeping count of the things she did for him, she never realized he was keeping count.

High infidelity

Put on your records and regret me

I bent the truth too far tonight

I was dancing around, dancing around it

High infidelity

Put on your headphones and burn my city

Your picket fence is sharp as knives

I was dancing around, dancing around it

Cheating, a thing that could break or make a relationship. Ben could tell something happened, so he did exactly what she was doing and acted like nothing was wrong, but deep down he was starting to regret ever getting involved with Lennon. She had bent the truth too far about April 29th, dancing around where exactly she was and who she was with. He knew it was someone, and it was only a matter of time before the truth came out.

All he wanted was answers, granted he didn’t deserve them after how he treated her but that didn’t make the situation any better. He wanted to watch the city burn. The picture perfect relationship that everyone thought Lennon was in, was not as great as it seemed. Ben wasn’t what he projected to the world, especially behind closed doors.

The green eyed girl knew she needed to get out, it’s what she should’ve done in the first place but with how Ben was treating her lately self sabotaging the already dying relationship seemed like it would drive the final nail in the coffin and end it all for good.

Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?

Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?

“I just want to know where you were last month. You just disappeared and never said anything.” Ben threw his hands up as he leaned against the counter staring at her trying to figure out what she was hiding. He knew it was something because they usually never kept secrets from each other.

The dark haired girl was silent as she stood across from Ben. She was teetering on the edge of if she really wanted to tell him where she was on April 29th, if she really had to chart the constellations in his eyes for Ben to understand. It was a painful process that made her realize what she needs isn’t what she has. Realizing that to get what you need, you are going to hurt someone who may not deserve it. But in Ben's case he did.

“Do I really have to chart-“ there was reluctance in her voice as she spoke, she wanted to come clean she really did. Wanting to chart the constellations in the brown eyes that were filled with such comfort and warmth ones that felt like home when you looked into them, compared to Ben’s icy blue eyes. But she just shook her head and walked out of the kitchen with a sigh, it would be no use.

Storm coming, good husband

Bad omen

Dragged my feet right down the aisle

At the house lonely, good money

I'd pay if you'd just know me

Seemed like the right thing at the time

Lennon could feel it, the end of it all. Her and Ben were too far gone and their once safe and good relationship was far too damaged to save. Everyone thought Ben was nothing short of ‘good husband’ material. But to her it was nothing but a bad omen. He didn’t excite her; it made her feel like she was dragging her feet in through the motions with him. On paper they looked like the perfect couple but she knows he isn’t the one she wants to marry at the end of the day, it would be a life of misery if she was dumb enough to let it get that far.

The house was lonely, Ben had bought a mansion which wasn’t a surprise with the money he made at Chelsea. But he was hardly ever there. On the days off he had he was usually spending it with the guys. She would give the world if he would just understand and see her instead of just leaving her alone for days on end. Moving in seemed like a good idea at the time. But now she was thinking it was clearly a mistake. Lennon was expected to stay in the relationship with the blue eyed player, people would tell her how lucky she was that she had a good man who had good money and a stable life like him.

They didn’t see behind the walls, the fights, the arguments, the cheating rumors, the neglect. It was hard to put up with someone who would push her off to the side like a trophy sitting in the cabinet only being brought out to be shown off. It was humiliating. All she wanted was to be loved and appreciated and he made it seem like she was asking for far too much.

You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love

The slowest way is never loving them enough

Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?

Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?

It had been months of the same back and forth shit, Ben didn’t even realize what he was doing to the girl. There were many different ways to kill someone you loved. Cheating, abuse, manipulation, all of it, but the slowest way?

Simply never loving them enough.

Lennon didn’t even mean for it to happen. She really didn’t, but she knew Ben would never really love her like she deserved. It was supposed to be just a fun getaway weekend in Spain until she bumped into someone familiar at the club downtown. That night had turned into a whirlwind within a matter of hours and Ben was none the wiser.

Where was she that fateful April 29th you ask?

The Cheshire native was with someone who had so easily managed to bring her back to life in such a short amount of time. His touch brought forth an incandescent glow despite her being tarnished by Ben's neglect, but he made her feel oh so grand. He was someone she couldn’t have out in the open.

At least not right now, not while she was still tied to Ben.

Lennon realized the brown eyed man was someone that saw her for her and loved every piece of her without fault or care, it was something she wasn’t used to. To be shown such love without having to beg for it. Like it was natural and actually meant something.

“You should leave him Len, you know I would take care of you better than he has and ever will.” The man softly spoke, gently running his fingers up and down her back as she laid on his chest. Both of them coming down from their highs after what they just did between the sheets.

Did he feel bad knowing he just slept with Ben's girlfriend?

No.

A blind man could see how much the Milton Keynes man was ruining the girl laying in his bed. One whose smile would brighten up the room the second she walked into it. He was kicking himself over the fact that he didn’t get to her first. But he’d take having moments like this with her for now until he could have her openly and unapologetically to show her how she should’ve been loved and treated this whole time. Not hidden away like a burden. Like some participation trophy, no she was that of the most beautiful painting one could ever compose, and he thought she should be shown off and cherished.

The doe eyed girl looked up at him, it hurt a bit knowing he wanted her so unapologetically but Ben never would, it was a hard pill to swallow but she knew their relationship was nothing but a pile of smoldering ashes now. “I know but I don’t know how to make him understand that he and I can’t keep going on like this.” Lennon said softly. “He just doesn’t listen, and I always end up letting him back in when I know we aren’t good for each other.”

“Let’s worry about it tomorrow mi amour. We can think of something together in the morning over breakfast.” Kepa said, placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head as he pulled the blankets up over the both of them. “I’ll make French toast, I know it’s your favorite.”

It was the little things like the mention of French toast being her favorite that made her heart slowly start piecing itself back together. She had mentioned that at a party Mason had thrown months ago the only party Ben had brought her to, and yet he still remembered it.

Ben never took the time to ask what any of her favorite things were.

Oh, there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love

And it's never enough, it's never enough

Ben had been sitting in Mason’s living room with Kai and Christian, the boys' girlfriends were in the kitchen talking about god knows what. But it was Sophia who had come out to hand her boyfriend a drink before her eyes set on the Milton Keynes man. “Is Len not coming?” She asked softly, she rather liked the green eyed girl, she just never understood why she put up with a guy like Ben. “Nah. We broke up a few days ago.” He shrugged unbothered. “Oh.” Sophia mumbled frowning a bit as she looked back at her boyfriend with a questioning look before walking back to the kitchen to talk to Nettie about it, the two were planning on going to see the girl soon to make sure she was okay.

Christian side eyed him for that response as did Mason. This was the first they were hearing about it; they thought everything between the two was fine. Evidently not. But it was Kai who looked like he knew something that Ben didn’t. “What mate spit it out, I know you’re dying to say something.” Ben sighed, crossing his arms as he looked at the German boy. Kai just shrugged as he fiddled with the tab on his drink. “Nothing, just glad she’ll be able to find someone who might actually treat her well now.”

“The fuck is that supposed to mean mate? She broke up with me.” Ben asked, narrowing his eyes.

“It means you treated her like shit.” Christian spoke up leaning back against the chair he was sitting in. All of the guys adored Lennon. She was a sweetheart, not to mention how well the other guys' girlfriends got along with her. But of course Ben had to go and ruin it for himself because he fell in love with everything that moved but clearly had commitment issues. They were gonna miss seeing her around. “You didn’t deserve a nice girl like her.”

Ben just looked over at Mason for help to back him up, but the Portsmouth boy just avoided his eyes. “Mase?” He asked tensely, he felt backed into a corner now. “They’re right mate. The way you treated her just- it wasn’t right Chilly.” Mason said softly, he and Nettie had talked about it a while back. The French girl wanted to find someone better for Lennon but little did they know she had already done that herself.

“Do you ever think she finally broke up with you because she found someone better? I mean she did take a trip to Spain a while back.” Kai said offhandedly, he had known who was also back home in Spain at the time of her trip.

“Spain?? Why Spain? She’s never even been out of England?” Ben asked as a million different thoughts ran through his head. Why would Lennon go to Spain of all places? His thoughts were interrupted as a Spanish voice called out after shutting the front door making him glance over the back of the couch seeing Kepa walking into the room. But what caught his attention was the faded hickeys on his neck, as far as he knew the goalie didn’t have a girlfriend and wasn’t one for one night stands. “What about Spain?” the Spanish player asked, taking a seat on the loveseat next to Kai after walking in mid conversation.

“We were just talking about Lennon’s trip to Spain last month and how she broke up with Ben a few days ago.” Christian caught him up, he saw the way Kepa’s eyes flickered to the Milton Keynes player briefly which only he seemed to catch, that piqued his interest. “Didn’t you go to Spain around that time too? Your sister's wedding right?” The goalie nodded and a soft smile as he thought back on that trip before shrugging as he looked over at Ben again.

“I’m sure someone else will appreciate a perfect rose like her, maybe they already have.” Kepa commented with a hum as Mason started the game they were playing again.

Suddenly the dots connected for Ben and it felt like he had just jumped straight into the Thames.

Lock broken, slur spoken

Wound open, game token

I didn't know you were keeping count

Rain soaking, blind hoping

You said I was freeloading

I didn't know you were keeping count

…..But oh, you were keeping count

The blue eyed Chelsea player had immediately left Masons and made his way to the doe eyed girl’s apartment. He needed answers. He knocked frantically on the door as he stood there in the rain waiting for her to come and open the door. It made him rethink every interaction she’s ever had with the goalie.

“God Lennon you’re such a fucking slut, my own teammate really??” Ben asked as soon as she opened the door as he pushed his way into her apartment. He was livid at the news. He was blindly hoping that the comment Kepa made was just a coincidence. But when she just blankly looked at him not even bothering to deny it, it just further irritated him causing him to snap. “Who’s next huh? Are you gonna go for Conor or Christian?” The blue eyed man shouted as he glared at her. “Gonna go on and fuck the whole team?” He was going for a low blow, he knew that but he was too pissed off to care.

“You always said I was freeloading Ben, I never knew you were keeping count of the bare minimum of things you did for me. Did you know in the short amount of time I’ve gotten to know Kepa he knows all my favorite things? Actually wants to spend time with me?” Lennon asked, as she crossed her arms.

“What does that have to do with anything??” Ben asked, throwing his hands up with a groan. He wasn’t getting it again. “It has everything to do with it!! He cares, Ben. Kepa took the time to actually see me. I wasn't just a trophy sitting in a glass case collecting dust anymore like you had me for the last year and a half. He remembers things I talk about, my favorite food? He remembered it from Mason's party months ago. Do you even know what my favorite food is?”

Ben just blinked at her; he felt like he had been smacked across the face with reality as she kept going. “Did I cheat on you with Kepa? Yes. I’ll admit that. But you have to understand the relationship we had was far past saving, it was nothing but ashes.. Just one simple night with Kepa was more than you’ve ever given me. You just never wanted to let me go. So I did what I had to do to make you hate me. But I won’t apologize for finding someone who actually treats me the way I deserve to be treated.”

The dark haired girl standing in front of him wasn’t the same Lennon he knew and had under his thumb for the last year and a half. She had grown a backbone and was standing up for herself. Maybe Christian was right, he didn’t deserve her, because he clearly didn’t know what he had until she was gone. Now he had to watch the beginnings of her life with his teammate, and he knew the Spanish player would have no problem showing off a girl like her, shouting from the rooftops how much he loved and appreciated her.

Something he never did but wished he had right about now. In the midst of keeping count of all the things he did for her and using it against her he never counted the fact that one day she’d walk away from him.

There’s many different ways to kill the one you love, never loving them enough is one, but not realizing what you had until it’s gone is possibly even worse.

#high infidelity #imagine #series #midnightsseries #midnights song drabbles #football imagine #midnight series #ben chilwell imagine #ben chilwell #kepa arrizabalaga

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fernandoswarcrimes · 9 months

Text

Anti-Hero x Matthew Tkachuk

“It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me.”

Taglist: @morgan108 @diary-of-jj @shea-theodore @pitchandgrid @wifemase @hal3ynicol3 @alicerubyfloyd @nicanicksnica @formulafootballfan

Word count: 2.6k

To be added to the rest of the series click here -> 🌌

I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser

Midnights become my afternoons

When my depression works the graveyard shift

All of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room

Elena had always grown up to be a smart girl, well that’s what she told herself. Matthew on the other hand got older but seemed to get dumber unlike Elena. The two were inseparable growing up due to their mothers being best friends.

It was three in the morning and she found herself standing in the kitchen quietly stirring the cup of milk and honey she made. Elena hoped it would help her fall back asleep, but it was no use. Her midnights had now become her afternoons it seemed like. Anytime she closed her eyes all she saw was everyone she had ever let down staring back at her, so she figured she’d might as well get up.

She had gotten good at hiding it, disguising it as she just couldn’t sleep.

“Can’t sleep again?” Matthews' groggy voice asked as he shuffled into the kitchen. He had woken up and realized Elena wasn’t in bed so he figured she was probably in the kitchen again.

“Something like that.” Elena mumbled, not wanting to let him in on how her mind was tormenting her. It was something she never wanted the boy to know about. He would think she’s broken, unfixable, not happy.

“Is there anything I can do?” He asked as he walked over to her as she took another sip of her milk. “I’ll be okay, I’ll come back to bed in a bit. I think my milk and honey will help.” Elena whispered as she felt him press a kiss to the top of her head before nodding making his way back to their bedroom. She knew he had an early practice in the morning and it made her feel worse that he was awake and worried about her instead of sleeping.

I should not be left to my own devices

They come with prices and vices

I end up in crisis (tale as old as time)

I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day I'll watch as you're leaving

'Cause you got tired of my scheming

(For the last time)

Elena was a lot of things, positive, helpful, caring but she shouldn’t be left to her own devices for too long. The thoughts inside her head come with prices and vices that she didn’t want anybody knowing about she’d end up having a full fledged crisis if anybody did. This was her own problem to deal with, nobody else’s.

Not even her boyfriend.

The rain was harsh against the windows of their apartment as lightning lit up the room every few seconds. The storms would normally garner Elena a peaceful sleep but not tonight.

She doesn’t remember what started it but Matthew had been off that day. They both had been walking on eggshells around each other for the past week and it was finally about to come to light.

“I just don’t know why you're acting like this and shutting me out.” Elena said as she walked in their bedroom after him.

“That’s rich coming from you.” Matthew had muttered which caused Elena to furrow her brows at him.

“What’s that supposed to mean Matt?” She asked wanting to know what he meant by that, she had a feeling she knew but she wanted to hear him say it.

“I can’t do it anymore Elena. I’m done okay? I can’t do this if you don’t want help! It’s not fair to both of us. This relationship is supposed to be equal and you won’t let me help you, you just shut me out.” Matthew said, running his hands through his hair frustrated. He had tried helping her through whatever it was she was going through but she kept pushing him away and he didn’t have any fight left in him.

She blankly stared at him as she watched him pack a bag and give her one last look begging her to just say something or do something, explain to him what was going on but she didn’t. He then shook his head and walked out, the front door slamming shut behind him.

Elena woke up with a loud gasp as she sat up on her elbows, drenched in sweat, looking around startled. Her breathing was heavy as she recounted the nightmare she just had being pulled awake by the door slamming shut in the dream. One day if she wasn’t careful she would have to watch Matthew leave her for real because he would get tired of her brushing things off and not letting him in for the last time when she knew all he wanted to do was be there for her and help. She needed to get help.

It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me

At tea time, everybody agrees

I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

If it was one thing Matthew was used to, it was being a problem. Even from a young age he was dubbed as a problem child which everyone thought he’d eventually grow out of but that was asking for a miracle. He got used to it though, reveled in it even. Which didn’t go unnoticed by everyone in the league who agreed, seeing as he got dubbed one of the “shit starters” next to Konency.

It was a game against the Kings, he and Drew Doughty had been at each other's throats yet again.

Which was never a good thing.

“I don’t see how that girlfriend of yours puts up with you when you’re such a little shit. She deserves someone much more mature rather than an ignorant shit head kid like you.” Drew had muttered to him when they both bent down for the face off.

All bets were off after that comment, the older player had been in his ear all night about Elena and he had enough of it. As soon as the Puck dropped Matthew dropped his gloves and took a swing at the older player.

“You have no right to say shit about her! Or our relationship!” Matthew shouted as the refs grabbed him under the arms pulling him away from Drew who was just laughing knowing he’d easily get a reaction like that out of Matthew.

He could hear the crowd booing him as the ref guided him to the box. They were already down by three so this was just great. He sat down on the bench and threw his helmet on the ground frustrated at the fact Drew so easily got a reaction out of him. This was not how tonight’s game was supposed to go.

Matthew grabbed his bag as he got out of the car and slowly made his way to the front door, taking out his keys and unlocked the door. The winger could hear the TV slowly playing as he walked in; he sat his bag down and slipped his shoes off letting out a quiet sigh.

“Babe? You home?” Elena called out as she glanced over the back of the couch. “Yeah, I think I’m just going to shower and head to bed. It was a rough game.” Matthew replied, keeping his eyes trained on the floor as he walked over and pressed a kiss to the top of her head before heading upstairs. If he didn’t look her in the eyes he wouldn’t have to see the possible look of disappointment on her face. He knew it had to be exhausting, always rooting for a guy like him, the unlikable, the problem. He wasn’t a golden boy, an underdog, or even a rookie anymore. He had solidified his place in the league and now had to live with the consequences of his own actions.

Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby

And I'm a monster on the hill

Too big to hang out, slowly lurching toward your favorite city

Pierced through the heart, but never killed

Matthew took the summer to think things over, his little brother became the captain of his team but Matthew had been stuck with the A for the last few years. He felt like he was the ugly duckling that people loved to hate. Trade rumors we’re running wild as they usually did during the summer. It’s when teams unloaded people they didn’t want for the new pick of the litter or better players they could get their hands on.

“Maybe it’s time to look at other options.” His agent told him when they had a meeting. Matthew was too much of a nuisance to be deemed captain of the flames, they wanted someone level headed and calm. Two things he clearly wasn’t so it was better that they looked for a team that would want him.

“Maybe you’re right.” Mathhew spoke with a depressed shrug as he thought it over, he had been talking to Johnny. His friend was in the same boat with the team. Feeling unwanted and misused.

“We do have an offer from Florida.” His agent spoke which piqued Matthews interest. It was a favorite place of Elena’s, he vividly remembers spending summers with her and her family down there almost every year. This could be his ticket out of Canada. He knew they weren’t gonna give him the captaincy not with how hot headed he was. It got him right in the gut when he found that out. But he wouldn’t let it get to him.

“Johnnys going to take the offer from Columbus, so if Florida’s offer is a good one then I’ll take it. I need to get out of here before they run me into the ground.” Matthew sighed knowing it was time to leave or grow to hate the sport he loved. They could kick him while he was down all they wanted but it wouldn’t kill him. He was going to show Calgary exactly what they were letting go and losing and he was going to make it everybody’s problem.

Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism

Like some kind of congressman? (Tale as old as time)

I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day I'll watch as you're leaving

And life will lose all its meaning

(For the last time)

“I’m just that good, it’s not my fault you suck at golf bro.” Matthew shrugged as he looked at his younger brother. He had switched their score sheets when Brady wasn’t looking and was lying through his teeth.

“You’d be a good congressman, you know?” Elena joked with a grin as she watched him lie straight to Brady’s face that he didn’t switch their golf scores when he had. Brady wasn’t gullible by any means but her boyfriend was just that good of a gaslighter sometimes especially when it came to Brady.

Matthew couldn’t help but smile back as he shook his head at her joke as they both walked off after Brady back to the golf cart to head to the next hole. He knew he was a good liar; it's how he got himself out of trouble sometimes.

It was later that week while on a roadie when it hit him. A nightmare that would forever haunt him.

It was another bad game that Matthew came home from. He had gotten ejected and suspended three games for getting into a bad fight. As soon as he walked in the door he noticed something was off, the tv wasn’t playing and there was a suitcase in the hall. Alarm bells started going off as he dropped his bag and called out.

“Babe?” Matthew called out as he walked through the house but stopped in the kitchen doorway when he noticed her standing by the island with her arms crossed. “Hey..” he said shakily, “what’s going on why is there a suitcase by the door? You didn’t tell me you were going on a trip.”

“Because I’m not Matthew.” Elena spoke flatly. That made him cringe slightly, she never called him Matthew, it was always Matt or Matty. “I’m leaving.” She bit out.

“What..” he whispered, it felt like he had just gotten shot.

“I'm leaving. I can’t deal with this shit anymore. It’s all the time now you can’t stay out of the box and now you’re getting suspensions? When will it end Matthew? You’re twenty five years old, no wonder Brady got the captaincy before you.” She scoffed as she picked up her keys shoving past him as she grabbed her suitcase and swung the front door open.

Matthew could only stand there in silence as he watched her leave the door slamming loudly behind her making him flinch.

The St. Louis native gasped awake from the terrible nightmare that just plagued his mind. The fear of losing Elena, his best friend, his one true love. Hockey was a big thing in his life, but Elena? Elena was the one good thing he had and he didn’t want to let her go; he'd give up hockey before that ever happened.

It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me

It's me, hi, everybody agrees, everybody agrees…

The Panthers had made it to the playoffs. They had managed to beat the Bruins four to three in the first round, which was a shocker to most since Boston usually made it to the finals in the playoffs so to get taken out by a team like the Panthers was unheard of.

Then it was the second round where they went up against the Leafs, it was another easy four to one win. The leafs had made it further than they had in the past but they were no match for the Matthew and the run the panthers were on.

He was their saving Grace, their problem child, and they embraced it. He was the problem, it was him. Everybody agreed he was the player of the series, anytime he was on the ice it was dangerous for the other team, scoring goals, scoring in OT, you name it he was doing it with ease.

They were getting one step closer to the finals, they just had to go up against Carolina who had bested the Islanders and the Devils. It was like everyone lost their light as Florida swept them in just four straight games back to back.

The Panthers had made it to the Stanley Cup Final.

Though it wouldn’t be everything, Vegas was on a high unlike no other and all the injuries were catching up to Florida. Vegas had managed to win four games and Florida only managed to win just one. That was the end, they had lost the final. Everything had finally hit Matthew. He had been playing through the injuries wanting to help the team as much as he could, even having Brady help him get up and get dressed because he couldn’t do it himself. He had an inkling that Elena knew about the injury but hadn’t said anything knowing how stubborn he was.

Elena though, his Elena, was there when he got off the ice with open arms ready to nurse him back to health, it made him think that maybe being the anti-hero wasn’t so bad after all. It was all just in his head like it was in hers, they both needed each other and would do anything for the ones they loved.

“You did so well, I’m proud of you. I truly am.” Elena spoke softly as she gently hugged him not wanting to hurt him. Thankfully Brady was there with her ready to help him back to the locker room so he could change and they could all head home. It made him think maybe being the anti-hero wasn’t so bad after all.

It was him

He was the problem

and everybody oh so loudly agreed.

#imagine #nhl imagine #series #midnightsseries #midnights song drabbles #anti hero #matthew tuck #matthew tkachuk imagine #this one wasn’t my favorite #Matthew Tkachuk one shot #Matthew Tkachuk x OC #nhl fic #nhl oneshot #nhl x OC

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fernandoswarcrimes · 11 months

Text

Lavender Haze x Neymar JR

The one where the haze is all you feel.

Taglist: @morgan108 @diary-of-jj @shea-theodore @pitchandgrid @yourmom-lmao

Word count: 1.9k

Beta read by: @dyingsoundsnice

To be added to the rest of the series click here -> 🌌

Meet me at Midnight

Staring at the ceiling with you

Oh, you don't ever say too much

And you don't really read into

My melancholia

It was a typical Saturday night for you and Neymar, the two of you were laying on the couch staring up at the ceiling as the movie credits rolled on the tv. The two of you could sit in comfortable silence for ages just in each other's presence. He never said too much, or read into how sometimes you liked the silence over talking. It was initially how you met the Brazilian player, at midnight at a park in Paris. You were there trying to clear your head, life had just been giving you the run around lately and nothing seemed to be going right. He had accidently scared you when he sat down on the other end of the bench you were sitting on, because you didn’t think anybody else would be here this late and because you were in the midst of your own pity party and didn’t want this random stranger to bother you or have to listen to your problems.

But when he just sat there, the both of you in silence as you looked at the stars above, seemingly in your own worlds, everything seemed to freeze. You had no idea who he was, which for once was shocking because it seemed like everybody always wanted something from him. Maybe that’s what drew him to you, you didn’t pester him, didn’t ask questions or for pictures or an autograph, you were just in your own little world. “I didn’t figure anybody else would be out this late.” He had said which caught your attention. “Yeah, well, sometimes nature and the stars are all you need.” You replied which pulled a small laugh from him. It was silent for another few minutes before he introduced himself, and you gave him a funny look when he just stared at you as if waiting for some reaction. “Okay?” You didn’t understand what he was expecting. You weren’t inclined to sports in any way, hell, you kept to yourself so much you don’t think you could even name one sports team amongst the different types of sports.

And that’s how something beautiful bloomed.

I been under scrutiny (Yeah, oh, yeah)

You handle it beautifully (Yeah, oh, yeah)

All this shit is new to me (Yeah, oh, yeah)

It was something you weren’t used to but Neymar told you to expect that the second people caught wind of you being linked to him that people were going to start rumors and insert themsleves in the both of you’s relationship. At least he had given you a heads up, which your Instagram was already private, thankfully. You would have deleted social media entirely if you had needed to though. The scrutiny and comments that people were making on twitter, written in articles, and under his comment section were astonishing as they came flooding in. Everything was new to you, you had never had so many people seemingly hating you all because you were dating someone. It suprised you that Ney handled it so well. He told you that it was nothing to worry about, that people would talk. It’s just how things were. He knew how the media and his fans could ruin something good just because they were jealous.

This was something that came along with dating a famous person. And as lovely as Ney is, you were having a very hard time grasping that privacy wasn’t a given anymore. His fans, the media, and what felt like everyone in the world didn’t care that you didn’t want to join him in the limelight. They were going to do or say whatever they wanted. It was a lose-lose situation either way you looked. If you stayed hidden, they’d talk about how you didn’t appreciate Ney. If you were seen together, they’d talk about how you were just using him for your own personal gain. Nothing you did mattered, because someone was always going to have a negative opinion on it. You did it all because if it meant having Neymar, everything would be okay. You finally decided that you weren’t going to be a doormat anymore. You weren’t going to let people dictate your life, your relationship, and your intentions anymore. If they wanted to talk, you’d let them because all they truly wanted to hear was the noise.

I feel

The lavender haze creeping up on me

Surreal

I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal

The 1950s shit they want from me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

It felt so surreal to be with Neymar in private. It was like a bubble surrounded you two that nothing could rupture the peace and tranquility that was reinforcing it. The haze engulfed you both, wishing this feeling could last forever and in your heart you wanted to do whatever it took to make it as long as forever took you. You never grieved over the comments made about you, it would accomplish nothing and the battle wasn’t worth the war. Everyone wanted something from you, a reaction at the very least, just to feed into their fantasy of you being a viscous shark ready to hunt. Their satisfaction never came. They finally realized that there were two options left for you, you were either going to marry their beloved idol or you were going to leave him for the next tantalizing person you could sink your teeth into. What they didn’t account for is that it wasn’t the 50’s anymore and you didn’t want to be married and live someone else’s white picket fence fantasies. You craved to be in the moment with Ney.

It’s all you ever wanted out of him.

All they keep asking me (All they keep asking me)

Is if I'm gonna be your bride

The only kinda girl they see (Only kinda girl they see)

Is a one-night or a wife

Headline after headline, their one question remains the same: Were you going to finally be the one to tie Neymar down for good? They thought they had you right under their fingernail, pinning you down as a fickle flame or a stone strapped to his ankle, keeping him grounded forever. Every single article rolled off of your shoulders because only you and Neymar knew the truth about what you both wanted. Marriage isn’t a sudden thing, and you were in no rush to obtain it. You both were riding the waves of your relationship and if things led there sooner or later, you knew it’d be right because it was natural.

Their are the few fans who respected you and you loved interacting with them and growing friendships from it. Most did appreciate that you made Neymar so, so very happy. It made them elated that he finally seemed to have moved on from Bruna. Then, there were the select few who hated your existence because they wanted to be you. The delusions of those fans who would do anything to be beside the man you loved were wild and crazy, but to some degree you understood. You don’t know how you made it to where you are, but you’re glad you’re where you ended up. You wouldn’t wish anyone else the position you’re in right now, never in your wildest dreams.

I find it dizzying (Yeah, oh, yeah)

They're bringing up my history (Yeah, oh, yeah)

But you weren't even listening (Yeah, oh, yeah)

To be quite honest, as time went on you kept feeling like you weren’t quite cut out for this type of lifestyle. It was dizzying, pretending to be alright while every decision or action you did was scrutinized. Neymar’s fans dug into your history trying to find any ammunition they could use against you. They pried into your past relationships, your home life, where you grew up, where you went to school. This scared you to no end, as you didn’t know of any skeletons in your closet but the complete invasion of privacy had you watching your back everywhere you went. Another thing that had been on your mind lately is all the posts comparing you to Bruna. You were always comfortable in your skin, but you know you’d never be the beautiful Brazilian actress. You saw so many of these and how they claimed that what she shared with Neymar was a once in a lifetime love and that true love always finds its way back to itself. It bothered you to no end, but all you could do is smile and pretend like it didn’t bother you.

If there was one person who could ignore anything happening around them, it would have been Neymar. He never listened to what anyone said about you two and he always tried his best to reassure you that what anyone’s opinions were didn’t matter. What did matter was how you and him felt about each other. All of the voices could scream out, but it still wouldn’t matter. He thought of you as a safe haven, some place he could hide inside, a way out of his chaotic world he created around himself. He didn’t get this often, even when he was home and surrounded by loved ones. He was exhausted, but with you? He felt home. Things were slow, safe, and sound.

Talk your talk and go viral

I just need this love spiral

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk (Get it off my desk)

Talk your talk and go viral

I just need this love spiral

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

You’ve hit your limit. The point of no return was moving in together. The hatred, the backlash, the cruelest summer you’ve ever had was when you were with Neymar. Everyone lost their god damned mind over your relationship to the point where you felt the exact same way. They couldn’t believe that the relationship hadn’t fizzled out, that you both were still going strong. All you ever wanted was your relationship to blossom, but every other person in the room wanted it to spiral. You tried, you really did, to brush everything off. To try and follow in Neymar’s direction. It worked for this long, but it seemed like no matter what you both did, nothing would bring this relationship out of the woods.

Rubbing your back, Neymar was trying to ease your mind. “Baby, you know they’re always going to have something else to say, but I’ve told you that all I care about is what you think.” You couldn’t speak, holding back tears that threatened to fall without warning. Facing away from him, you just nod against your pillow as he wrapped his arm around your front and moved closer. The both of you were in your safe space where no one was there to criticize you. You knew that everything couldn’t always be like this, but for the time being, you wished it could last forever. Call it what you want, maybe you were in denial, but you prayed that this would work out. The lavender haze was dissipating quickly and you grasped at it as you realized that the real world was waiting on you to return. You knew when it was time to go, but for now you just wanted to stay exactly where you were, wrapped in the arms of the person you love.

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze…

#lavender haze #midnightsseries #neymar jr #imagine #series #neymar jr imagine #neymar jr x reader #neymar jr one shot

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fernandoswarcrimes · 7 months

Text

Sweet Nothing x Jack Grealish

“And the voices that implore, "You should be doing more"”

Taglist: @morgan108 @diary-of-jj @shea-theodore @pitchandgrid @wifemase @hal3ynicol3 @alicerubyfloyd @nicanicksnica @formulafootballfan @xoocourtneyxo @babybella337 @hobiismyhopeu @cha-hot @goldrushc @carlossainzwho @swiftiebitchhere @styles-sunflower @ru-kru @judespoision

Word count: 1.4K

To be added to the rest of the series click here -> 🌌

I spy with my little tired eye

Tiny as a firefly

A pebble that we picked up last July

Down deep inside your pocket

We almost forgot it

Does it ever miss Wicklow sometimes?

Jack glanced at what you had pulled out of your pocket, a questioning look on your face, as the two of you got ready to walk out the door. It was small, almost the size of a lightning bug. A small little pink pebble that you two had found last July whilst on summer break. It had slipped both of your minds, nearly forgetting about it until just now as you held it up with a smile before setting it in the dish by the door with the extra set of keys and oddities that you both had in your pockets that week. He wondered if the small rock ever missed Wicklow, the cozy seaside town. That something so small could hold such important memories. It was when he asked you to move in with him. At first he didn’t think you’d say yes, because it took you a few minutes to give him an answer, but that was because you were just in shock. He had been so upfront and honest about it you didn’t think a guy like him would want that. But you had been proven wrong as you realized this was Jack, your jack. The goofy brummie guy who had swept you clear off your feet with his horrendous jokes and down to earth personality. He was the personification of soft. He missed Wicklow, if the rock didn’t then he did, because it gave him you.

They said the end is coming

Everyone's up to something

I find myself running home to your sweet nothings

Outside, they're push and shoving

You're in the kitchen humming

All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

The Birmingham man was tired.

Tired of everyone saying that the end of City’s reign was coming, that they wouldn’t make it till the end. They wouldn’t get the treble. Everyone always had something to say, he more often than not, found himself quickly trying to quickly head out after any practice or game not wanting to be interviewed or stopped by anybody that would hold him up. All he wanted to do was run home to you and the calmness that surrounded you. As he walked out of training he could see people pushing and shoving at the gate as he got into his car, his teammates having no problem stopping to sign things or take pictures. But nonetheless, despite how tired he was, he pulled his car through the gates and stopped for a few people because he knew if he didn’t it would end up being the next big scrutinizing headline, which he didn’t need. He didn’t mind the fans really, he loved them, but on days like this when everything was weighing down on him he just wanted to come home to you. As he drove through Manchester he thought of how relaxing it’d be to just lay on the couch with you, he stopped and got you both some food on the way home knowing you’d enjoy the simple gesture, and when he did finally arrive home, he walked inside and heard you humming in the kitchen. You looked up when you heard him come in and smiled at him. “Aw you picked up maccies” he just smiled and sat the bag on the counter letting you pull him into a much needed hug which had him instantly relaxing into your arms. All you ever wanted from him was moments like this. Sweet nothings.

On the way home

I wrote a poem

You say, "What a mind"

This happens all the time

On the way home from a trip you and him took together, he had been quietly sitting in the passenger seat. You’d look over to him a few times wondering what he was doing, usually you couldn’t get him to stop talking and the quietness wasn’t bad per say, it just intrigued you. “I uh- wrote a poem I wanted to read to you.” Jack spoke up softly which caused a small smile to spread across your lips as you nodded for him to go ahead. You saw him sit up straighter out of the corner of your eye as he looked down at his phone. “I won’t ever find the words, you are everything always and even that is not enough.” Was it grammatically correct? No, but you appreciate the sentiment and the fact he wrote it. “What a mind you have, love. I like it.” You nodded while looking over at him briefly with a smile. Jack appreciated that you supported him and his little hobbies like this and not just football. It was something he realized happened all the time even if you didn’t make a big deal about it. He wanted to write poetry? You were right there encouraging him, wanting to try new fashion styles? You wanted him to give you a fashion show and show you what he bought and gave him pointers on what would look good and what wouldn’t. He had never felt more loved and appreciated besides when he was with his family. But that wasn’t to say he didn’t support you the same way because he did 110% in anything you wanted to do or try. It was a very open and co-op relationship. You both gave and helped when the other needed it.

Industry disruptors and soul deconstructors

And smooth-talking hucksters out glad-handing each other

And the voices that implore, "You should be doing more"

To you, I can admit that I'm just too soft for all of it

It was no secret how some clubs were ran, Chelsea was a prime example of industry disruptors some hotshot millionaire coming in and buying the club ontop of the management fucking everything up. That didn’t mean City was squeaky clean either, they had their own allegations and rumors about them as well. Everyone was pushing for the same thing. Pushing to be the best. No matter what they did they always got told “you should be doing more” pitching it like they were trying to sell it to the players as if they didn’t want to be the best already. Everyone wanted to win the big three but you could only do that if you were being efficient and doing good. But to you, Jack could admit that sometimes he’s too soft for all of it. The pressure, the comments, the scrutiny. He had heard it ever since City signed him, he went from being the star boy at Aston Villa to being a “waste of money” after being signed as the most expensive English footballer to date. Some days he didn’t think he wanted to do it anymore, he had been trying and trying to prove himself that he could do it, that he could be worth what they paid for him. He had to. Because he didn’t know what he would do if they let him go.

They said the end is coming

Everyone's up to something

I find myself running home to your sweet nothings

Outside, they're push and shoving

You're in the kitchen humming

All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

Despite all the talk of the end of the season and all the tough games they had to get through. There was the one constant that kept him going, and that was being able to run home to you when the day was over. The two of you and your constant little moments that some would consider boring nothingness, meant everything to him. No amount of cups or championship wins would compare to him coming home from an away game to find you dancing and humming around the kitchen or how you were always there for him, to pick him up after a bad game, in the stands for the good games, or just spending time with him and his family. His mother had asked him when he was going to get the courage to ask you the big question, she knew he already had the ring. He also knew you wouldn’t want a big public gesture, you’d want something small, just between the two of you and your little sweet nothing moments. Which is exactly how he did it, at three in the morning, when you both couldn’t sleep. Was the deliriousness from sleep getting to you both? Probably, but he knew that no time was better than right now. He dropped to one knee in the middle of the kitchen, illuminated by the refrigerator light as he looked up at you with the softest look ever and softly asked as he opened the velvet box that he had been hiding for the last six months. “Will you marry me?” He wanted nothing more than to have a million more moments like this with you.

#I love this it has me so soft #jack deserves the world #sweet nothing #imagine #midnightsseries #series #midnights song drabbles #football imagine #jack grealish imagine #jack grealish #man city imagine #man city

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