#but it's very much an underlying anxiety imo

[silverwhittlingknife]

did nobody ask you for red letter day? absurd! *I* wanna know about red letter day!

hello captain and friend anon!!! I KNOW I HAVEN'T UPDATED THIS IN SIX MILLION YEARS SO THANK YOU FOR THESE ASKS <333

okay SO the first thing is, you have to understand, my list of documents for this fic looks like this:

anyway i do love this fic even though it FIGHTS ME; it's supposed to have both Fights and Mysteries and both are hard to write 😅

anyway hmmm i'm going to cheat by including a Dick POV section that I am probably gonna end up cutting, because i like it but i also worry that it slows down the dialogue?

excerpt below the cut! the only context that you need is that Dick and Tim have been having the "should Tim call if there's danger in Gotham" argument again (Tim's position is "no"), partly because they both have genuine positions on this argument, but also because it enables them to sublimate an emotional conflict into a work conflict and thus avoid talking or thinking about their feelings, which is a shared pathology goal:

Dick would bet Tim never mouthed off to Bruce like this.  One of the many things that suck about being the knock-off Batman is that none of Dick’s orders really stick.  All of the responsibility without the authority to back it up.  At least when Dick was leading the Titans, they did what he freaking told them. …Mostly. …Okay, sometimes. The awful truth is—and he tries not to dwell on it because it’s pointless and doesn’t achieve anything, but—everything with Tim, sometimes it reminds him of the worst times with the Titans.  The same uneasy feeling of dread, like he’s grabbing for someone who’s slipping through his fingers.  Roy’s crossed arms.  The clock creeping toward midnight, staring at the champagne, knowing in his heart that Kory wasn’t coming.  After Tartarus: watching Roy walk out of the room, watching Donna follow him, staring at Vic’s back, Kory’s back, all of them walking out, and no one left but the newcomers.  When the personal is so fucked up that all you can do is double-down on the professional, and even that doesn’t help, and then— (Get a grip, Grayson.) And anyway, this isn’t like the Titans, is it?  Dick was out-of-line, there, in retrospect. He’s never been good at losing people gracefully.  Pushing Kory for marriage when she was already pulling away, trying to cling to her instead of letting her go.  Giving ultimatums after Tartarus, when he knew the team already resented his orders.  Making decisions behind Vic’s back, trying to force him to stay.  It’s an ugly bad habit, picked up from Bruce: things are slipping, and your people are mad at you, so you get scared, and then you get authoritative and controlling so you can hang onto them, except you can’t control them, so then they get even angrier and you lose them anyway.   It’s easy to see in Bruce, hard to see in himself, but he knows it’s there.  He barely managed to catch himself in time, with the Titans.   Is he doing the same thing to Tim?  Does he need to back off? But Gotham is risky.  Tim’s always been capable, obviously, but…it’s okay to be a bit authoritative, isn’t it?  Tim should call if there’s someone who looks unusually dangerous.  That’s just common sense.  Dick’s not asking for miracles, here.

#general unreliable narrator warning sdfsdfsd #dick. honey. kory needed space after being tortured + that was not your fault or the result of your choices actually #anyway i'm so torn because on the one hand i feel like this is worryingly close to info-dumping in a way i don't like #and i also worry that it's not giving enough context for someone who's not familiar with the comic references #but at the same time mmm okay this isn't the main point of this or anything #but part of what i find so appealing about the dick + tim conflict #is its potential to interact with their different types of abandonment issues #i feel like tim's abandonment issues generally have enough play in fandom that i don't have to spend a lot of time establishing them #whereas most dick-centric fics tend to focus on other aspects of his character #but dick has a lot of anxiety about losing people too #like. it's complicated bc he doesn't process it or narrate it to himself in quite the same ways that tim does #but it's very much an underlying anxiety imo

[themountainsays]

DAEMONS DAEMONS DAEMONS—

Alma: I’m actually very fond of Alma’s daemon being a butterfly just because of the candle association? May just be me though.

Dolores: A bat! Bats have some of the best hearing in the animal world, I think they’d be a very fitting little dude for her

Julieta: Honeybee, I mean really now.

Camilo: I actually think a peacock fits Camilo better, they’re very showy and flashy (especially males) which fits with his more theatrical personality

Pepa: Some kind of frog or toad unfazed by her weather powers, perhaps?

Mirabel and Bruno: I actually really like the thought that Bruno and Mirabel are so family oriented that they both end up with unintentionally the same daemon form, maybe a wolf for both of them? Wolves are very pack oriented and will break off if they think they’re hurting their family

Luisa: Perhaps a lioness? They do tend to do most of the work in the pride, but they’re also gorgeous and sleep a lot when given a chance

Isabela: A doe, perhaps? Something elegant and graceful but also incredibly skittish, belaying Isabela’s underlying anxiety about her role in the family.

Ooh a butterfly for Alma! That would be a nice symbolism hey like some representation of her and Mirabel's connection. A paralel of sorts. And there may also be some symbolism regarding Isabela as well? Because butterflies depend on flowers and whatnot. Idk maybe i'm overthinking it.

And a bat for Dolores works SO WELL. Because they are cute, but also creepy, and imo Dolores is a bit of a creep (affectionate). Everyone is like yandere camilo this yandere isabela this but lmao Dolores was the one stalking and falling on love with her cousin's fiancé without ever talking to him lol. I love her.

Julieta as a honeybee is so perfect 😭 Agustín was really just there risking his life for love huh

As for Camilo, yeah I can see him as a peacock, but most daemons in the books were the opposite gender to their humans and female peafowls aren't nearly as flashy. Plus i mentioned parrots because they can imitate voices. Though maybe a crow/raven would fit better, then? And if we take into account the whole genderfluid Camilo headcanon, then a daemon of a especies with important s.exual dymorphism may be an interesting concept to play with.

Mmmmamsmmdkfkfm Pepa with a frog 😍 an amphibian creature that doesn't care if she's thudering. Ooh one of those flashy tree frogs that LOOK venemous but aren't! Meaning, if you can look past her eccentric, scary appearance, you'll see she's a sweetheart, she just has anxiety.

Mira and Bruno... Mira and Bruno mira and bruno mira and bruno 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 ok anon so i LOVE the idea of Mirabel and Bruno having the same daemon i LOVE IT SO MUCH. But also Idk i got an idea:

what if, instead of settling between puberty and early adulthood, the Madrigal daemons settle when the children get a door at 5? Which would be VERY WEIRD because settling is associated with adulthood and, on some level, sexual maturity, so seeing a little kid with a settled daemon is pretty fucked. Alma has to make a point that her children are still children and should be treated as such. Their early settling is solely a result of inherited trauma and having to grow up too fast in order to keep themselves safe. Even if the danger is now gone, the fear and trauma still haunts the family and forces their daemons to settle early. The town quickly accepts this as yet another Madrigal thing, nothing to worry about. But Mirabel didn't get a door, so what if her daemon doesn't settle until she turns the doorknob at the end of the movie? THEN she gets her settled form. This represents 1) Mirabel being allowed to grow up normally, without settling unhealthily young to protect her family from a long gone danger, 2) Mirabel not having a clear defined identity, which gives her the freedom to be whoever she wants to be, and 3) Mirabel's daemon shifting around to match her family's whenever they feel like it. I imagine her daemon imitating Luisa's during Surface Pressure, Isabela's What Else Can I Do etc.

And yes her daemon could settle as the same animal as Bruno's but seeing as the point of the final song is about Mirabel seeing herself for who she is - wouldn't it make sense for her to have an entirely unique daemon? So i guess it depends on where we focus - Mirabel's individuality and the new beginning she represents, or her paralels with Bruno as the family scapegoat. I can REALLY imagine Alma (and everyone else) seeing Bruno in her and her daemon and feeling uncomfortable with it. They could even keep it a secret from her! The fact that she and Bruno have the same daemon 😭

As for Bruno's daemon... I raise you this, anon: The maned wolf. They look normal to us yeah but apparently everyone else thinks they look creepy and weird, a mix of fox and deer on stilts, oddly skinny with unnaturally long legs. Maned Wolves are associated with bad omens, when you hear them cry at night in the forest, and with witchcraft and the devil. There's also the tale of the Lobizón, a werewolf-like character: the youngest of seventh sons turning into an evil giant wolf every 13th of every month and needing to be put down. No joke a lot of seventh sons irl were killed because of this belief. But in reality, maned wolves are such sweet and gentle creatures. They are quiet, shy, elegant and graceful little guys i love them. Very skittish and fearful, too. They'd fit just fine in an alternative universe iteration of WDTAB.

BUT i don't think they'd represent Mirabel very well. So if she and Bruno have the same daemon, it may have to be something different, more associated with the scapegoat role? Maybe a rat 👀 Idk Mirabel just seems much more outgoing and confident.

Lioness Luisa :O i actually love that! Luisa with a lioness daemon. Though then again, there's the matter of daemon gender and SURE Luisa is quite gnc it wouldn't be unreasonable to think she may have a female daemon. But Idk if I want to bring it up in her case for reasons i will address in the following part:

So, Isabela. I DO like a doe for her. But - and this is an idea i just came up with - hear me out: Isabela hiding the fact she has a female daemon. Other than her parents and grandmother and MAYBE Bruno (and possibly Dolores because you can't hide shit from her), nobody knows. I'm thinking about her daemon being very quiet and submissive - both in species and personality. They literally never talk. Isabela is terrified of this secret coming out bevause same-gender daemons are associated with queerness, or at the very least, with something odd and strange and "unfitting". Not belonging in the image of the Perfect Isabela, the Perfect Granddaughter, Perfect Bride. Mirabel only discovers the truth when Isabela's daemon snaps at her. But in order for that to work, her daemon should be of a especies with little to no s.exual dymorphism. So YES i love a doe for her. But I also like this idea. Idk. Maybe some sort of rabbit/hare? A bird? But ahhh the doe is so beautiful. It seems so fitting. So aesthetically pleasing. So PERFECT. I cannot choose 😭

#encanto spoilers #encanto daemon au #ahhh

[thedreadvampy]

one of the areas I get really annoyed about black and white thinking in is uh medication stuff?

like people will either be like MEDICATION IS USED TO SUPPRESS NEURODIVERSITY AND AVOID TACKLING THE ACTUAL ISSUES or MEDICATION SAVES LIVES

and like

yeah

both are true

Medication can make a huge huge huge difference to people's lives. it can make it possible to leave the house and get shit done instead of just sitting vibrating with your own misery. it can and does save lives

h o w e v e r

A lot of mental health systems do in fact jump straight to medication as a first resort and then if it mitigates symptoms, treat the problem as solved. a lot of diagnostics are more about identifying drugs that might work than about tackling underlying issues. most psychoactive medication is highly addictive and all of it has potential side effects and interactions. my partner has been on medication for over a decade, on a constant cycle of newer more hardcore antidepressants, and it was only in the last year or so he's been offered Any Therapy Whatsoever and the therapy he got was unsuitable but 14 sessions still had a more marked positive effect than any of his medication switches.

and saying that isn't to say 'therapy works and drugs don't' it's just that uhhhh. medication is a part of a solution being treated as the whole solution. imo in most cases, particularly with issues often associated with trauma or negative experience like depression, OCD, anxiety, schizophrenia, DID etc, the function of medication is as a sticking plaster to keep you functioning and give you a stable base to start working on longer-term and more holistic solutions (through behaviour adaptation, therapy, and changing destructive circumstances)

When I was severely suicidally depressed, what I needed was a solid foundation from which to access trauma therapy, to get out of my house, to get a job and get out of the constant grinding terror of total poverty, to get out of abusive state systems, to make new friends. Those life changes are the main things that helped me, but for a lot of people medication is a necessary part of creating the foundation to start working towards meeting their more foundational needs. like. you need something to help make brain work before you can even begin to have the energy to engage with the work needed to get to a better place.

and that doesn't mean medication is necessarily temporary. if it's helping stabilise you then it's valuable.

but. like. A lot of the medical approach to mental health is to take that first step (finding working medications) and then step back and say RIGHT JOB DONE. and in that respect it is about a) getting you to shut up and stop Being A Problem and b) putting money into the pockets of pharmaceutical industries. like. Medication is Good Actually but treating it as the whole of the process just. puts responsibility onto the patient when they're inevitably not 100% fine and cured and able to do everything ~as normal~ when they're on working medication.

if your life is still shit, if you're still carrying around unresolved trauma and you have a constant weight of poverty or homelessness or physical illness or an abusive/toxic living situation or you know just the constant crushing misery of capitalism, then it is in fact expected that until your life gets better you're not going to be 100% fine and happy just because you're on meds which address the chemical aspect of your mental health. like. that's not actually your fault. and it can be improved on but it needs to be understood as part of your mental health journey as much as chemical balancing. and there's a big chunk of psychology that is just. very concerned with ignoring those very important factors and fully centring on Your Brain Is Wrong We Can Fix Its Wrongness With Medication.

your body, your brain chemistry, your experience and your environment are all part of a connected system we call mental health and medication can act effectively on brain chemistry but if it's applied alone without equal reference to body health, personal experience and social and physical environment then it's woefully inadequate. and that. is why medicalisation of mental health is a problem. not because Drugs Bad or Drugs Don't Work but because Drugs Working Is A First Not Last Step.

[kexing]

Helloo, so I finally managed to watch the new not me episode after a day of procrastinating and wow there's so much to unpack, this show is truly a gem and I can tell it's only gonna get better. Totally supportive of how yok was just absolutely smitten by vandalism guy after seeing him for like 2 seconds. I'm also loving all the theories behind sean having a crush on black and being jealous of gram, but personally I think he might've teared up because black said he quit, like think about it, none of the guys even thought of exposing the corrupt government officials until black ignites a fire in them and like sean says himself, he gave them hope and isn't gonna be there anymore to see it through, it definitely would make me cry, but again, that's just me. Anyways, what's your thoughts about this ep? I feel like I'll need to give both ep's another good watch because I might've missed plenty of things due to the excitement lol.

Also, can't wait for bb this friday, I need to know if I was even remotely close with my "in-depth analysis" of wai's shitty behavior. We're in for a ride with these last few episodes I think, but it'll be well worth it!

- anti-wai anon :)

hi awa!!! so glad you’re back!! and that you watched the new not me episode 🥰🥰🥰

ahhh yes! that’s the same feeling i have, that not me is a Gem™️ that is only going to get better. genuinely hope we’re right!!! 🙏🏼🕯🙏🏼🕯🙏🏼🕯

me too!!! in this house we 1000% support yok’s random crush and more than that, we absolutely ship him and dan. they’re gonna be a legendary side couple, i can feel it!!!!

i even saw a meme that was like:

me watching wai falling in love at first sight with pa: unrealistic! ridiculous!

me watching yok falling in love at first sight with half of dan’s face: THAT’S TRUE LOVE OKAY!!!!

yep. that’s me! no shame here!

and nope! that’s not just you, i also believe sean cried because “black” quit. i mean, do i think there was jealousy in there when he saw gram taking care of “black”? yes, absolutely. but that was just an extra stabbing to his already bleeding heart.

sean is clearly passionate about the cause, he excitedly asked the girl if she thought that the people who burned down tawi’s house were heroes, he thinks that what they did was right. and this all happened because black started it and then suddenly “he” wants to quit? like none of what they believe and did matter? that must have felt like pure betrayal. and yeah, that shit hurt him a lot!

rewatching is always a good idea!! i rewatched both episodes just hours after watching them for the first time lol just in case i missed anything but i’m still very much confused about everything and that’s fine! i want them to tell me anyways, instead of theorizing like crazy 🤣

i LOVED the episode. genuinely got me obsessed with those stunning shots, it’s like the director has a very specific vision and they do it so well??? amazing music, cinematography on point, gun making it look like acting is as easy as walking down the park, off really is surprising me, his acting has improved and the depth he’s bringing to sean with that underlying warmth he so desperately tries to hide from “black” DRIVES ME INSANE. i never thought i’d have sean feels and yet here i am!! i loved all the discussions, the pacing was much better than the first episode imo, am ready for the side couple, and have i mentioned how great the music is in this show? so yeah.

i like it so much i started editing again and plan to follow through until the end which is not easy because i’m not a good editor, i just struggle until i eventually quit lmao but BOY THIS SHOW!!!!! just makes me want to edit it at all costs.

and about bb. i both desperately need and desperately fear next ep lmaoooo idk i have this Feeling inside my chest that i can’t name but it’s not really good. i’m praying it’s just anxiety talking.

i do believe your wai analysis is at least 50% correct, if not a lot more lmaooo which has me nervous as well but it’s pointless. gotta just face how it is. i know we’ll get a happy ending anyways!

yep!!!! these last four episodes are going to be insane in one way or another but so so so worth it. i have zero doubts about that!!

so let’s stay strong and go through the storm because a beautiful sunrise is waiting for us on the other side ❤️💙

#awa tag #you have a tag now babe #mj got mail!

[starberry-cupcake]

The Chinapuri finale and its montage aka censorship who?

I decided to do all of this in one post and read more, so that the 95% of my followers who are uninterested on this particular drama/source material can easily skip it. Here are 7 relationships showcased in the montage ranked and 2 bonus (a family relationship and an extra). 

Note: I’ll speak about the relationships as they were portrayed, whichever the form of relationship chosen to display in this version. Also, I’m glad that everyone was aged up in this version, kinda wild but very much appreciated that some of these actors are my age or somewhere around there lol 

#7 Lu Xia (Echizen Ryoma) and Qi Ying (Ryuuzaki Sakuno) 

This drama was a bit more romantically-inclined in terms of these two than the anime/manga was, but some of that may be also influenced by them giving their version of Sakuno more room (which yay!) and having them be older. 

For this to stand alone as a drama, it was a needed step, I believe. I found Lu Xia to be more vulnerable than Ryoma, he doesn’t feel quite as ~cool~ and it doesn’t take away from the character that he has moments showing internal struggle (in tennis as well as at home). These two were sweet and adorable, which gave the drama probably more of an expected appeal for a wider audience, to make it stand on its own as a drama and not only an anime adaptation. 

#6 Yan ZhiMing (Inui Sadaharu) & Liu Lian (Yanagi Renji) 

Kinda mad they didn’t do this for Fuji (Zhuo Zhi) and Saeki (Zuo Xiaohu) but they did good with these two. I didn’t know at first why they started to build up their relationship so early, but it ended up being a good emotional plot point during their match, which is, as we all know, a determining factor in Seigaku’s (Yu Qing) win against Rikkai (Hai Guang). 

I don’t remember being as invested in their match in the anime as I was here, maybe I was just too focused on the Fuji match at that time, but what they did to build that game as a decisive point in the season finale was so well developed, I was impressed. 

#5 He XingLong (Kawamura Takeshi) & Ya JiuXin (Akutsu Jin) 

This is a relationship that can get complicated and even problematic if handled incorrectly. Akutsu’s journey through the anime is pretty long and takes a while for him to be on a healthier place, but the added element of aging the characters could have gone really wrong here if they had done him exactly as in the anime or manga. I think they did pretty well with the time they were given, showing his turmoil and learning curve. 

XingLong was allowed to have a more in-depth journey being older and about to graduate, it made more sense for him here to think about his career at this stage and added the gravity of this being THE moment to decide whether to keep pursuing the sport or take over his dad’s restaurant (they even adapted the type of food they cook to match the cultural impact of the family-owned business, which was great). 

I think the two complemented each other really well and worked interestingly together, in a way I didn’t think the drama was gonna give them time to do, so I’m really pleased. 

#4 Qiao Chen (Momoshiro Takeshi) & Zhang BaiYang (Kaidoh Kaoru) 

My younger self is thriving with this one being included tbh. These two were so much fun in the anime, two rivals and opposites that represented the future of the team upon their elders leaving. 

I was surprised to see them so focused here, because it’s not a relationship most adaptations put emphasis on (their loss), but it paid off immensely by the time their game against Bunta and Jackal (Jin WenTai & Ke Jie) came around. 

Kaidoh is a tough one to adapt most times, and they did him so well in this one, I think this is my favorite live action Kaidoh in any adaptation, and I’ve watched a whole bunch of tenimyu in my day. They really captured the ambiguity of his character, how he balances a tough exterior with a sensitive core. Qiao Chen maintained his feelings for Xu Xingzi (Tachibana Ann) but that didn’t stop them from showing these two every time they could. 

#3 Mu Siyang (Tezuka Kunimitsu) & Ji Jingwu (Atobe Keigo) 

Oh, these two. Hyotei (Xing Yao) wasn’t featured as much as one would probably expect (I’m a Fudomine fan and with Yu Feng I got more than I even was expecting, but I admit Hyotei is a riot and I always live my best life when they show up). Still, they did the Tezuka/Atobe match justice and then some. 

Mu Siyang was incredibly compelling as Tezuka, and had a vulnerability to him that made me worry for his health more than I probably did for his anime counterpart. Maybe also the fact that he was older than his anime version yet looked younger than him made it sink more that his injury was something to worry about. I wish we had time to include anime!Tezuka’s issues with yips with Siyang, because I know the drama would have pulled it off, but that was further down the line in the story. Maybe for a season 2. 

Anyway, the Atobe/Tezuka game is one of the best games in tenipuri history and the drama knew it. The game felt like it earned its gravity with the development of both Siyang’s injury and Ji Jingwu’s determination to play against him. Then they sprinkled the camp on top, as the anime does, with Ji Jingwu paying for his every expense and calling him to get updates, which is 100% canon compliant imo. 

I feel like Ji Jingwu didn’t have enough room to be as much of Atobe as he could be, but then again, that’s not easy for anyone to pull off. Not even Kato Kazuki can do Junichi Suwabe as well as Junichi Suwabe.  

#2 Bai ShiYan (Yukimura Seiichi) & Tian ZiLong (Sanada Genichirou) 

So, it’s tough to feel for Rikkai (Hai Guang) at this point of the story. You learn about Yukimura’s health and it’s difficult, but you just met them and the first impressions haven’t been great. 

However, the relationship between Sanada and Yukimura has always been something pivotal for the way the team is constructed (they were named that way for a reason, two parts of a same hero and all that) and they sustain the team in a way other teams don’t have to. They are the mom and dad of the team, the coaches, the leaders and the pillars. They have a balance of severity and permissiveness, of strictness and instinct. They are like a couple who has been married for 25 years. 

How on Earth, I asked myself, will they achieve that with censorship on the way? I don’t know, but they did it, the mad bastards. 

It really does come through 100% the importance of their relationship and the way in which the captain’s health affects the team and, more than anything, their vice captain. It reaches a crescendo during the final match, before ShiYan’s operation, and they manage to pull it off with the time they have. 

Also, their scenes are like shot for a contemporary romance drama and I appreciate that vibe. 

#1 Tang JiaLe (Kikumaru Eiji) & Chi DaYong (Oishi Shuichiro) 

Oh boy. Look. I still own Golden Pair merchandise from my Days, ok? These two hold a special place in my heart. I saw actors who portrayed them grow up, succeed and pass away, sadly. I still sing Depend On Me sometimes. There is a cheerful vibe with these two, a sense of overcoming obstacles and finding balance, I don’t know. Fuji is my favorite character but these two are special in their way. 

This freakin’ drama just went full on Golden Pair. The level of content was off the charts. The moment they came on the screen, the second they talked about their doubles, it was already setting the tone of how deep their relationship was going to go. I am a bit amazed that they avoided to get closed down for this ngl. And I appreciate the risk because it paid off.

They have a body language communication that is captured in every shot. Even when they’re not the focus of the scene, they’re close, touching or holding each other, arms around each other, hands on each other’s shoulders, grabbing each other’s clothes. When they fight, that language changes drastically, and the distance they take feels intense and cold. You go through it with them and the team shows it as well. There’s an entire episode I had screencaps of and never posted when the team falls apart because they do. 

My favorite part, though, ironically, isn’t what they did with them together but what they did with them apart. They took time to develop them as individual characters with their own issues, their fears, their worries and weaknesses. They were allowed to be flawed and wrong and have to mend their ways. 

What really got me and impacted me deeply was the fact that they chose DaYong to talk about mental health. They gave room to speaking about the physical implications of anxiety disorders and about how self esteem issues can give more magnitude to ongoing issues with your mental health. Again, the age of the characters being changed helped add a depth to some issues that get developed with more intensity in a drama of this kind, and the way in which it takes TIME to get resolved, it isn’t a one episode thing, it’s an underlying issue that spans the season...*chef’s kiss* 

Even though there’s a specific tenimyu incarnation of these two that I hold dear and will always remember fondly, I think that Xu Ke and Zhu ZhiLing are the most successful and best portrayed live action Golden Pair I’ve ever seen. 

Bonus that was in the montage but it’s specifically about a family relationship: The Zhuo Bros

I have said Fuji has always been my favorite and his relationship with Yuta as an older brother (albeit he’s not the eldest sibling like me) is one I always felt close to. 

In the anime, the two have a rocky relationship that gets developed throughout, but the drama is very good at establishing not only Zhuo Yu’s (Fuji Yuta) self esteem issues, the subsequent use of that Guan Yue (Mizuki Hajime) does and Zhuo Zhi’s (Fuji Syusuke) attempts to breach the gap between the siblings, they also use it to develop Zhuo Zhi’s character and his reticence to show weakness. 

It’s tough to get Fuji towards a place of vulnerability without breaking character, but they used family and the care he provides to his brother as a point to further his story, and I appreciate that a lot. They managed to build Zhuo Zhi up with this sibling bond as one of his core elements, and that gave a lot of dimension to his games and his character. 

Bonus that wasn’t in the montage but I’m including in some capacity: Mu Siyang (Tezuka Kunimitsu) & Zhuo Zhi (Fuji Syusuke) 

I thought these two deserved a place in the list, even if they weren’t grouped much in the montage, because the drama did make them share moments together that I feel gave more depth to their characters. 

There was a very interesting moment in which they showed Mu Siyang and Zhuo Zhi establishing their differences when approaching tennis, and how serious Mu Siyang is about taking the team to victory. I think that strengthened the character as a captain to me, in a way that shows it rather than tells it, and allowed for his guidance to still be present when he wasn’t physically there. His determination ultimately influenced Zhuo Zhi to take things more seriously, and that was a pretty interesting development to see. 

All in all, I should, at some point, go and do a serious review for MyDramaList but I wanted to leave in my blog how much I appreciated this adaptation. I wasn’t expecting much and I was delivered everything.

#chinapuri #fen dou ba shao nian #prince of tennis #the prince of tennis #long post when expanded #tang jiale #chi dayong #mu siyang #ji jingwu #zhuo zhi #zhang baiyang #qiao chen #lu xia #qi ying #bai shiyan #tian zilong #cdramas #luly rambles #yan zhiming #he xinglong #ya jiuxin #liu lian #zhuo yu

[johndykeon]

i’ve seen people talking about how there’s a difference between leo’s born in july and leo’s born in august... roger & john skdjsbsjsj idk what the difference is but it’s there

oops!! looks like you accidentally stumbled upon one of of my dormant hyperfixations!! 🤠🤠🤠 i’m SO into astrology dude skjfhskfj like is it real? probably not. but is it fun as hell to read about and judge people based on?  yes yes yes yes yes!

anyway this ended up getting super long because i have a lot of thoughts™ about it so i'm putting everything under the cut!! disclaimer: i literally just do this for fun and everything i know about astrology i learned from various websites and an astrology book i found at value village so if anything isn’t right mind your business fskjdfshkfj and ALSO please don’t read too much into this lmao it’s just for funsies 💖

so anyway YES you’re right, there 100% is a difference between john and roger’s type of leo, and it probably has to do with the fact that they fall into different decans of leo!! so essentially each sign is split up into three different “versions” of the sign depending on the positioning of the planets when they were born. the exact dates can vary slightly, but for leo the first decan (the “true leo”) is from july 23rd - august 1st (this is where roger falls), the second decan is august 2nd - august 12th, and the third decan is august 13th - august 22 (which is where john falls).

so roger, being born on july 26th, is a first decan leo. the characteristics of this placement are things like being really extroverted, loud, self-reliant, creative, wanting attention, having a sensitive ego; so very much the traditional leo. meanwhile, john is a third decan leo, which is a placement that’s known more for ambition, honesty, stubbornness, independence, and dynamism. so that could definitely be where some of their differences come from (although i’m not convinced that the qualities of the third decan leo actually fit john all that well, but i suppose none of actually really knew him so we can’t know for sure).

BUT,  it’s also super important to look at the rest of john and roger’s natal charts in addition to just their sun signs, since they were born two years apart and therefore they have a lot of differences in the major planets in their charts.

so roger’s birth time is actually online for some reason, apparently he was born at 10:30 AM on july 26th 1949. so assuming that this time is accurate (even if it isn’t the only things that would change are his ascendant and possibly his moon), here is his chart:

we don’t know what time john was born, so we don’t know his ascendant and we can’t be certain of his moon, but we do know that he was born on august 19th 1951 so based on that here is his chart:

so as you can see, there are some pretty significant differences in their planets. starting with the moon, which represents things like emotion, emotional response, and self image, roger has a leo moon while john (most likely) has a pisces moon. 

leo moons are typically outgoing, like to be the centre of attention, pretty popular, and tend to take on a comic sort of role because they like making people laugh. they have a really strong sense of fairness and justice, and they’re known for being dramatic and prone to sulking and causing a scene when their pride has been hurt. imo the leo moon very clearly fits roger pretty well skjfhsdkjfhs

on the other hand, john is a pisces moon, which is a placement thats know for being really intuitive, perceptive, sometimes dreamy, and compassionate because they feel things really deeply. pisces moons are also imaginative, warm, sentimental and empathetic, and known for having kind of a weird sense of humor; one of the sites i use as a reference for astrology actually described it as “a strong sense of humor that is more of the receptive kind than the type of sense of humor that would make people the ‘life of the party,’” and “it's generally pretty easy to get them giggling” (which imo is pretty spot on according to what we know about john and the stories we’ve heard about him)! pisces moons also have a tendency to get overwhelmed with life easily and then need time away from eveything to escape and recharge (fucking off to bali anyone??)

i'm not gonna really talk about ascendants because we don't know john's and the point of this is comparing his chart with roger’s, BUT i just have to say that roger is a virgo rising, and typically people get on really well and have strong connections with people who's sun sign is the same as their rising sign…… and of course, freddie is a virgo sun 🥺🥺🥺 and literally every time i remember that it just makes me so soft so i had to mention it fksjhfkjshfk

moving on to mercury, roger’s mercury is in leo and john’s is in virgo. mercury is the planet that rules things of the mind like communication, intellect, and memory. so starting with roger, leo mercurys are typically incredibly passionate, good at things like public speaking and performing, and very much draw the spotlight towards themselves, whether intentionally or unintentionally. they're confident, enthusiastic, have a flair for the dramatic, and seem to make new friends effortlessly. people with mercury in virgo on the other hand tend to be much more grounded and analytical. they’re efficient and sharp thinkers, very intelligent, practical, and they like things that challenge their minds and are drawn to people that can keep up with them. john was born with mercury in retrograde though, which can cause people to struggle with self doubt and be prone to anxiety and difficulty expressing themselves.

now on to venus. venus is the planet that rules love, romance, and what we value and take pleasure in in life. roger’s venus is in leo, while john’s is in virgo. leo venuses like roger are known for being warm, genuine, and grand in love. they’re prone to big gesture in their relationships, and they have a deep need to feel desired and wanted by their partners and can get hurt when they don’t feel like their lovers are showing them enough love. they're really loyal, but need a lot of attention from their lovers and have high expectations. on the other hand, people with venus in virgo like john are known for loving and showing love in quieter and more understated ways, unlike leo venuses who are more of the ‘shout it from the rooftops' variety. they show their love through dedication and willingness to work on a relationship, and they work really hard on doing "the little things'' to show their partner that they care, and they need to feel recognized and appreciated by their partners for doing these things. they're very devoted and sensitive in love, really genuine, and can be quite shy. john was born with venus in retrograde though, and people born during venus retrogrades tend to feel things very deeply but struggle with awkwardness and insecurity in expressing those feelings and their love. they take relationships really seriously and they love very deeply, but they can struggle with self-sabotage in their relationships because they usually have a lot of underlying insecurities and fears that they aren't good enough or loveable enough.

finally, mars is the planet that rules things like passion, anger, sex, desire, actions and energy. roger's mars is in cancer, while john’s is in leo. people with a cancer mars like roger can be prone to passive-aggressiveness and become defensive as a means of self protection when they feel threatened, but they're incredibly protective over the people they care about. also, fun fact— i read something that said mars in cancer is known as the sign most attracted to breasts, sooooo i guess roger is a tits guy confirmed ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ on the other hand, people with mars in leo like john tend to be high in passion and desire, and usually have well defined goals and ambitions in their lives. they're also known as one of the most sexual positions of the zodiac, and they tend to enjoy sex more than most, but they typically have a strong need for love and romance to be an integral part of sex. they want their partners to be devoted to them, and can be prone to becoming jealous and possessive of their partner but will usually try to hide it.

there are ofc a bunch of other placements in natal charts that we could go into, but these 6 that i’ve mentioned (sun, moon, ascendant, mercury, venus, and mars) are generally considered to be the major players. there are also things like aspects and houses and everything that can be analyzed to gain a better insight into someones chart but honestly i don't really understand them so i'm not gonna go into that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

but yeah so as we can see, even though john and roger have a lot of the typical qualities of a leo in common— hard-working, enjoying luxury, proud, bright, determined, noble, loyal— there are a whole bunch of factors that make them really really different despite their similarities!! because you’re totally right anon, roger and john are both leos, and imo you can tell that they’re both leos, but there’s also a certain energy about each of them that sets them apart from one another that’s SO fun to get into and explore!!!!!!!

#anon i'm so sorry i know this is definitely WAY more than you bargained for but i got excited fskjdfhskjf #astrology is just so fun i love messing around with it #esp with the boys hahahahaha #ask #anon #astrology #dealor #my post

[amuelia]

I'm not sure if you've ever mentioned anything about this but how do you feel about show Roose? I was really sad to see his character get cut so much but I really like his voice,,,,it's a good Roose voice ( also it's CRIMINAL how they took away the Bolton's pink like they don't even wear anything but black in the show 😭😭 ) (( also also I absolutely love your art YOU MAKE SO MUCH GOOD ART OF UNDER APPRECIATED CHARACTERS ITS SO GOOD TO SEE 🥺😭♥️♥️ ))

I think the actor is very handsome and talented! I like reading his Interviews, he seems very intelligent and you can see the thought he put into his character and his scenes. He did a great job with the material he was given, and i think it’s very understandable and professional that he read the first books but then decided to focus his portrayal on the show scripts, because the way they wrote him was too different.

Did you read the books before you started filming? I read the books before I started. Well, I read two of the books, and then I stopped actually. Because the character in the books is very, very different to the character in the show. The core differences were he spoke with a whisper. He never raised his voice. He had no emotion on his face. I remember there's a [line] that joy and laughter were very similar. So you couldn't play that. It's fine if it was the Roose Bolton show, you could do something like that. The character was not written like that at all. So it kind of did me a disservice reading the books. So I put them aside and just concentrated on the character in the scripts. - Michael McElhatton, IGN interview

But also, in the end, what he mentions about the difference is part of why, as a book stan, the show version doesn’t interest me that much; it’s not even about him specifically, but just a general thing all the show characters share. Just like most other characters they adapted, they completely suck the fun out of the character grrm wrote - no leeches, no icy eyes or pale face, no pink house sigil; ending up with a character that pretty much looks and acts like every other dude. I don’t need Roose to look like Dracula (as much as i love it, the long dark hair for example is not book canon, since his hair is never described), but he should be memorable! Instead, i often hear that people new to the show don’t remember his s2 scenes, or mix him up with other regular looking dudes like Stannis, or otherwise don’t remember him. One of grrm’s biggest strengths is how with just a few traits he makes every character memorable and distiguishable; think about any random character and youll probbaly remember at least one “special trait” that sets their appearance or personality apart from the rest. The show completely falls flat in this regard, ironically making it so that the books make better use of the “visual medium” than the show does.

Apart from that, visually the actor is ok; Considering a Dance with Dragons came out at a similar time as the first season and the casting process takes a while, I don’t blame them for leaving out some details of his character descriptions (for example his “ageless” appearance or the small close-set eyes are only mentioned in aDwD). His height (175cm, influenced my hc for the book version) and body type are close to the book, though i wish they’d left him clean-shaven like in s2 for the entire show. He has a bit of a long face which fits with the book’s northmen. He’s no Supermodel but i heard him called handsome frequently, so idk if that fits with the book description “not handsome but not quite plain”; i love interesting faces more than conventionally attractive ones so i can’t really judge objectively. Voice is imo too deep (imdb also calls it “commanding”), i imagine him having more of a mid range voice; and the actor also just talks normally instead of being notably whispery/quiet.

In terms of characterization, as the actor hints at, I do not think they are written very similarly. Roose in the books is a character who is ruled by an underlying fear/anxiety that drives him to, at all times, ensure his own safety and health (I elaborate on this more in this meta); The show version the way i remember it does not show this a lot. He doesn’t have the leeching scene and if he has scenes about being obsessed with health they werent prominent enough for me to remember (maybe the Jaime scene included some book dialogue?). He is serious, but he does not act emotionless to hide his feelings (Though the show scene where he says he doesn’t drink was a nice touch; it is not completely congruent with book canon, but brings across the same idea that he wants to be in control of a situation and his feelings).

For a bigger example: Show!Roose’s characterization in the Red Wedding episode shows him acting very confident and in a great mood, bantering with Cat, and staying in the room the entire time while wearing chainmail; while in the books he barely eats and doesn’t talk to Cat, is shown exchanging threatening glances with Walder, and leaves early to ensure his own safety only to return fully decked out in armor to give Robb the final blow. In the books, imo, you can see that he is stressed out by the situation; because while he planned it very thoroughly with Lothar Frey, it is still a great risk for such a cautious man to take, and he needs to trust that Walder doesn’t backstab him.

Bolton had made a toast to Lord Walder's grandsons when the wedding feast began, pointedly mentioning that Walder and Walder were in the care of his bastard son. From the way the old man had squinted at him, his mouth sucking at the air, Catelyn knew he had heard the unspoken threat.  

They are not necessarily great story-changing differences, but to me still paint a different picture of his character. People always say “oh a character doesnt need to look exactly like the descriptions as long as the actor works for the story, oh you dont need to adapt every little character detail as long as the story is intact”, but do this too much and somewhere along the way you lose what makes the character themselves. The small details and human traits are what makes me love a character, so if those are missing i end up not seeing them as a an adaptation of the same guy, even if the plot is similar. I do think there are scenes in the show where you can see the scriptwriter read the books and put in some of the book characterization, but the general direction of the character is still different.

I also loathe the s2 change that had Arya as Tywin’s cupbearer; it removes one (/two) of Roose’ best chapters and also the one that establishes a lot of his character traits and Red Wedding foreshadowing. The Tywin-Arya scenes are everything wrong with the show; changing scenes arbitrarily to prop up fan-favourite characters (later culminating in stuff the s7 wight hunt), bad “feminism” (like Arya saying “most girls are idiots”), having characters act OOC to be more “likable” or “sympathetic” (like that weird “fatherly” way Tywin acts towards Arya), ignoring how people in that time period and universe act (as if a man like Tywin would even glance at a servant), etc etc... here is a great post on that scene by @turtle-paced.

As far as the post-s3 scenes go I’m not a fan (though i did not rewatch those a lot, so feel free to remind me if i forgot something). i don’t like that they made Ramsay the main character of the plot, with Roose merely as a supporting role side character; the books give Roose a great arc starting in aDwD that imo is needed as a continuation of the Red Wedding plot. They pretty much cut out the Winterfell aDwD story (one of my fave storylines in asoiaf) entirely and replaced it with forgettable scenes. Replacing Jeyne with Sansa not only makes no sense for Littlefinger but also for Roose, since that makes him antagonize the Iron Throne. His death scene was so bad that it makes me hopeful he will have a bigger story in the books, and that they just culled him because they wanted to thin out plots like they did with Mance, Barristan, and Stannis.

Though in the end, while i don’t like the show’s writing and visual direction, i do still thank them for making the Boltons such prominent characters; They seem to have gained a lot of fans through the show, and are regarded as very important characters (i even see them in some “great houses” gifsets). They are of course also important in the books, but not as prominent/central as for example Ramsay was in s6. So even if they are adapted badly (Show Ramsay is especially bad), if they make people interested in their book counterparts, it’s still some sort of a win in my book.

(Also, thank you so much!! Glad you enjoy my art ❤️❤️)

#asks #asoiaf #roose bolton #meta #game of thrones #Anonymous #not art #long post

[destinyc1020]

Wow, Anon #2, you pretty much said a lot of what I was going to say, so I prob don't need to embellish that much lol 😆 😜

Anyway, obviously I don't know Zendaya personally, so everything I say is just based purely on observation and guessing.... So, not really based on fact in other words.

If I had to think of what her biggest weaknesses are, I would say.....

Anxiety -- I think Z has already accomplished a LOT despite her anxiety and fear of making mistakes, but I feel like that underlying fear of "letting ppl down", or "screwing up" (which she has personally admitted to having these fears) holds her captive in a way. I feel like she's incredibly hard on herself. 😔 I sort of understand it, because of her background (Disney), but I do hope that eventually she can loosen up some and realize that living in fear is no way to live. 🥴 I actually think that while ppl can be brutal on Twitter and the gp, I feel like MOST ppl would be able to relate more to her if she were to let her guard down sometimes. We're all human at the end of the day. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Again, this is just my personal read on her.

I also feel like Z has a bit of perfectionism.... which, again.... is usually tied up into anxiety. A lot of times when ppl are anxious about making mistakes, it's because they fear being judged. Plus, Z was really shy as a kid, so when you're shy, a lot of things can seem more traumatic than usual when you're young. I may ruffle some feathers when I say this, but I'm gonna say it anyway.... While I love Disney, I think that being connected to Disney at such a young age (13?) was prob a little more traumatic than ppl realize. 👀 I've seen and heard what young girls especially young girls of color have had to deal with back when they were affiliated with Disney, and it's not pretty. 😔 There's also an element of Disney wanting you to be "perfect" and uphold a certain "image". I think Z has carried some of this with her on some level tbh. I love that Z is so level-headed and thinks things through, but in the future it would be nice to see her do smthg totally "out of character" for a change, and not give two cents about it lol. 😅 I'm not talking about some crazy, wild mess lol, but just easing up a bit on the need to be "perfect". I felt like she was sort of trying that out when she was dating JE, but in reality I think she was just rebounding and trying "new" things or doing things differently to sort of distract herself from a major breakup. Plus, the whole kiss thing, then begging fans to take pics down seemed kind of counterproductive imo. But hey.... it's not my life. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Z says she's working on her anxiety and her need to control and be perfect (which again, is tied up into anxiety) so I'm hoping that she continues to work on it, because anxiety can def be very stifling in life if you don't have it under control. 😔 Anxiety is actually the top main mental and emotional health issue that ppl struggle with in this country. Depression comes in second.

Another observation that I've had (idk if I would call it a "weakness" per se, but I'll mention it anyway) is that I actually think that Z is more emotional than ppl/fans think. I just think she holds things in more. I can't really explain it. For example, I think she's naturally CHILL and "Zen", but I also get the impression that sometimes she doesn't always say what she's really thinking in certain situations, or allow herself to FEEL what she's really feeling. I think she wants to be level-headed and "easy-going", so sometimes she doesn't tap into those emotions that she has buried deep inside. I also feel like she has a hard time just letting go and being vulnerable sometimes in front of other ppl.... hence, why I think it's hard for her to emote onscreen. She's always OVERthinking. Again... anxiety. 🤷🏾‍♀️

And lastly, I would say that Z likes to be RIGHT. Lol 😆 That's what I've observed at least. I think she likes to debate and she can be stubborn at times, and thinks she's right most of the time. But she also seems like the type who will freely admit if she was wrong lol. But yea, I get the feeling that she likes to be right lol. 😅

Again..... this is just my own personal read that I have on her. I could be dead wrong, cuz idk these ppl irl lol. 😅 But those are the the vibes that I get.

Overall though, Zendaya seems like a really sweet person, prob one of the most humble, approachable, and kind-hearted celebrities in her peer group tbh. 😊 She has things to work on (like the rest of us), and she's just doing the best she can to survive an industry that can be pretty harsh and unfair to women (esp woc). 😔

[whelvenwings]

So I just saw that post on laziness that you reblogged and I was wondering what your thoughts are on laziness vs procrastination? Because I'm going through a particularly bad round of procrastination, but I don't feel like it's borne out of laziness (which to me, is more of "I don't feel like doing this immediately but I will do it soon"). Whereas procrastination is constantly postponing something but never being able to convince my brain to actually do the task (also any tips on tackling this?)

Hello anon!! Yes hello good hi. first of all, ugh, I’m so sorry you’ve been having a hard time with procrastination lately. it’s rough and I hope it eases up for you.

hmmmm yes, so, laziness and procrastination. WELL. hmm. OKAY. these thoughts might be a bit all over the place, so I hope you’ll bear with me as I ramble on a bit. or a lot. probably a lot! I have a lot of thoughts about it all.

so I think I’d start off by saying that I kind of don’t believe in laziness. 

it’s like... for me, laziness is... chronically choosing not to do something that you know you should do, even though that thing is entirely doable for you. that is to say, you have the time for a task, the skills for it, and the ability to motivate yourself to do it - but you regularly choose not to do it.

the key element here is choice. for me, laziness implies not just that a task isn’t done - it implies you could’ve done it, and then you chose not to. but to be able to choose not to do something, that thing has to be completely possible in the first place, right? we wouldn’t say we choose not to fly, we say that we can’t do it, it’s not possible for us. every day that I walk around instead of flying, I’m not being lazy, I’m just not doing something that’s outside my capability. very often (I’d argue always) when we regularly don’t do something, it’s because we cannot do it. it’s not a choice not to do it, because there’s something going on that makes the task impossible in our status quo. I think our ideas about what we can and can’t do, and how serious a barrier it is to not be able to motivate ourselves, are often really skewed by comparison with others. if I lived in a world populated only by birds, maybe I’d think I was procrastinating on flying.

the thing that briefly breaks me out of a procrastination loop is usually panic at the promise of Bad Consequences, i.e. my brain is finally convinced of the importance of the task, but this is a quick one-off fix that doesn’t help the chronic issue, so next time I have to do the same task I’ll follow the same pattern of putting it off until Total Panic Time. and at a certain point, even the Bad Consequences just aren’t enough motivation, and I simply can’t do the task. often I am in distress at not being able to do the task. just as often, the distress is a contributing factor in the task not getting done for longer.

the issue that makes the task not doable for me tends to vary a lot depending on the situation. and I think a lot of people have it the same way, where different issues crop up with different tasks.

- so like sometimes it’s a Success Elsewhere issue. you just can’t believe you can actually decently do the thing you have to do, so you go work at something else that you think you can succeed at. “lazy” to me implies a lack of effort, right? and yet with this one, the things that you do instead of homework or chores or whatever, they often take plenty of effort. like you’re kicking ass at video games, pouring hours into it, because the game makes you feel like you really could be the best!! it’s worth the effort because you get rewards! you’re working, just not at the thing you Should be doing, because you can’t believe working on that thing will lead to any reward/success.

- sometimes it’s a Why Does It Matter issue. sometimes you just aren’t convinced enough that the reward of doing a task is worth the work it’ll take, because you can clearly see that the world is in crisis and it’s exceptionally hard to believe that, say, homework matters when everything feels like it’s on fire.

- sometimes it’s a Fuck You Anyway issue. a lot of people feel alienated by the society we live in, the same society that says hey, you have to do homework, you have to succeed at university, you have to get these grades, you have to be polite, you can’t get angry, you have to respond to emails, you have to do this specific kind of job to make good money or else you won’t have enough. when an authority you don’t trust/a system that is clearly broken tries to shove you into doing something, sometimes you don’t want to bloody do it, you know? sometimes you don’t want to do the small tasks that build up into following a path you don’t believe in.

- sometimes it’s a The World Has Swept Me This Far, What, Are You Saying I Have to Do Things for Myself Now issue. between parents and teachers and societal expectations, a person can go surprisingly far in this world just kind of keeping to the course that other people decide for them. but the map always has edges, right? eventually people stop having a plan for you and you’re quite suddenly expected to know exactly what to do with yourself, and just become a success with the opportunities you’ve been given, but you have no clue whatsoever how to do that. doing nothing in this instance isn’t laziness, it’s not that you want to sit and stagnate - it’s just that you’re doing exactly what you’ve always done: what you’re being guided to do. the only difference is that now you’re not being guided to do anything, so you don’t do anything. you have no idea how to flex the muscles of personal choice; you don’t even know if you have them.

- sometimes it’s a Distraction issue. again, for a huge amount of people, the world is pretty garbage right now. and sometimes you’re clinging on via the happy hormone hit you get when you do something fun, so doing something hard/boring feels like it would push you too far. or sometimes the hard/boring task doesn’t absorb enough of your attention, leaving way too much space for your brain to talk to itself and spiral out of control with bad thoughts and feelings, which it won’t do if you’re watching videos or scrolling on your phone or hanging out with friends etc. given how tailored our brain hormones naturally are to finding the shortest path to happiness, and how relatively easy it is in our culture to find short-term happiness via the internet, I don’t find it surprising that a lot of people just literally cannot engage with doing difficult, boring tasks when there’s a small burst of happiness just one tap away. 

- sometimes it’s an Energy issue. bad mental health is a motivation killer. battling depression or anxiety or another mental health issue just leeches away your reserves for other things. you don’t have the spoons for doing a task, but people with more spoons will look at you not doing it and call you lazy - because for them, the task is doable, and they don’t get that for you it is not.

UGH MAN there’s so much more to it than just these separate scenarios, they all interweave and there are loads more of them, and I want to talk about how being neurodivergent affects these things and how being queer affects it too imo, but I feel like I could go on and on forever so I’ll leave it at that. my point is, I think both procrastination and so-called laziness start when for some reason, a task isn’t doable for you. so the key is figuring out why the task isn’t doable, and changing something, and then hopefully being able to chug away at it!

some things that have helped me are:

- getting little bits of help - when my mum and I hang out, she’ll sometimes just sit and chat to me while I clean around her because it’s doable for me while she’s there. collaboration can ease a lot of procrastination woes for me.

- instead of telling myself “I have to do this”, I tell myself “I deserve to have this done”. so like, instead of “I have to clean the bathroom”, it’s “I deserve to live in a clean house”. instead of “I have to do this essay for homework”, it should have been “I deserve to be able to show the skills I have, and get help from my teachers in the places where I have holes in my understanding”. it’s just like, less focus on the dumb task and more focus on the goal that I’ll achieve by doing the task, with a healthy dose of self-validation on the side.

- if the problem’s really chronic and affecting your life in a pretty major way, maybe it’s time to look into whether there’s an underlying issue with the way your brain focuses? I’m autistic, and I have friends with ADHD, and the way our brains focus/don’t focus on things can be hard to manage at times - but understanding what’s going on inside the old brainspace and reading about how other people handle the same things can be a really good way to start breaking the cycle of procrastination.

#anon #... and that's that on that? #anon asudasidh I'm so sorry what an essay #I hope any of that was helpful to you #or at least vaguely interesting to read/relevant to what was on your mind #I wish you all the best against the demons of procrastination #onwards we battle!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #343

“i slither like a viper and get you by the neck  /  i know a thousand ways to help you forget about her”

What's your favorite kind of bear? I don't really know. I just like bears. Have you ever sent a FWD because you were afraid? Ha, yup, as a little kid. Would you ever date more than one person at a time? Nooooo sir. Have you ever rebounded... or been someone's rebound? No. What’s the biggest argument you’ve ever had with a family member? Did things ever go back to how they were beforehand? My grandmother cursed me the fuuuuck out one night as a kid because I was in a mood and didn't tell my mother goodnight. I still remember being called an ungrateful bitch with her like an inch from my face, and admittedly, I was being rude because I wanted to go home, but it kinda scarred me for life. For the remainder of her life, I was always sort of on edge around her and was convinced she didn't like me. Have you ever experienced some kind of natural disaster? I've been through lots of hurricanes. None that massively affected my life, though. If you have pets, do you feed them human food or do they just get regular pet food? If they do get human food, what’s their favorite thing to have? Venus is a snake, so she obviously doesn't get food meant for humans. Roman is very well-trained to not beg or make a move for people's food; he tried once as a kitten, and giving him a pop taught him right away. Have you ever been in a physical fight? Who won? No. What’s the mode of transport that you take or use the most? The car. Mom's, specifically. Have you ever had a zoo keeper experience or anything where you’ve been able to go behind the scenes and look after/feed the animals? No, but I wish. :( Would you ever want the responsibility of being a politician or a similar position of power? NOOOOOOO. What’s something your parents do that really annoys you? Mom is *always* right, pretty much indisputably. And she WILL have the last word. Dad, meanwhile, can be pretty rude to people. I don't think he realizes it half the time, but still. It's not an excuse. What is your main source of anxiety? Social interactions. What’s your favorite 90s cartoon? Pokemon. Describe the moment you realized you were falling in love with someone. I'd rather not. What’s your favorite sparkling water brand/flavor? I've never tried sparkling water. What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? I don't have a favorite, considering I don't wear it nearly enough and have never even bought my own. I just use whatever Mom buys. What are some female names you would name a baby? Alessandra is my favorite for sure. I also love Anneliese, Justine, Evelyn, Chloe, Evangeline, Quinn... There's a lot. What about male? Severin is my favorite, and I also like Damien, Vincent, Victor, and Luther. Do you have any subscription boxes? No. What fictional creature would you like as a pet? I want a dragon, goddammit. Idc if it can breathe fire ok I want a dragon. Ewoks are also the one and only thing I enjoy from Star Wars. What kind of dwelling do you live in? Just a one-story house. Is there anyone you work with that you don't get along with? Why? N/A Do you have an opinion on adopting/purchasing a pet? PLEASE adopt, especially with cats and dogs, given the number of strays. Purebreds tend to have so many underlying issues, and besides, it's just a LOT of money for an animal that probably wouldn't outlive a mutt. Don't feed the machine if you can. What's your favorite chain restaurant? The Cheesecake Factory or Olive Garden. Why were you last pulled over? I’ve never been pulled over before. What was the last thing you've done on the water? Just kinda swam around a bit in the ocean. It was so warm, totally like a bath. I do NOT miss that sun poisoning, though. Are you cool with swimming in a lake? I think I'd do it if someone invited me to, and the lake didn't look filthy, of course. Do you have a drone? No. What's your favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant? We have this tiny, local Mexican place that's really good. I don't know the name of it, and I wouldn't share it for obvious reasons. What do you order from there? Chips and salsa of course, along with a shrimp and cheese quesadilla, and finally their cheesy rice. What's your favorite ice-cream flavor? Depending on my mood, it bounces between vanilla with chocolate syrup or just plain chocolate. Do you have any t-shirts from any local businesses? No. Do you listen to any talk shows or podcasts? I used to listen to Mark, Bob, and Wade's podcast, but I'm like... ten months behind, haha. What's something someone calls you that you find endearing? I like "love" a lot. What's your favorite children's book? I loved books like The Rainbow Fish, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Stellaluna, 10 Minutes 'til Midnight, What Makes a Rainbow?, Chrysanthemum, etc. Is there a new season for a series you're excited to come out? Meerkat Manor comes back this summer, and I am fucking HYPED. How old are you? I'm 25. What is something unique you enjoy about the one you like/love? I tease her about it all the time, but it's really cute that she keeps all of her snakes' good sheds in her room. Proud reptile mom. Are you more liberal or conservative? I'm close to the middle, but I lean towards being more liberal, and I seem to go more that way with time. Do you watch American Horror Story? I used to. I saw the entire first season and really liked it, and then I almost finished the second, but I lost interest. The story got a bit stupid imo. I'd be willing to watch other seasons, though. Does your hometown have any urban legends/scary stories? None that I’m aware of. The people there are scary enough. What's the scariest nightmare you remember having? Let's not talk about it. Are you medicated? Uh very. Are there any apps you're addicted to? Nah. Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? It was initially a bunny holding a polka-dotted blanket, then it become a moose I got from Cabela's when in Ohio. Do you still collect stuffed animals? Only meerkat ones. Have you ever stolen/borrowed clothes from an ex? Haha I've worn Jason's pj pants before and they just kinda... became mine, lol. What's the last movie you watched at home? The Shining, I believe. What's the last movie you watched in theaters? The CGI remake of The Lion King. I still don't get why it was received so badly. Have you ever had eggs cooked over a campfire? I don't think so, no. If you do drink, what's your favorite alcoholic beverage? Margaritas, generally. However, Sara's dad made me this absofuckinglutely incredible chocolate drink before that tasted like a milkshake. It had like, no alcohol flavor, which worked out well for me considering I very much dislike that taste. Are there any songs you've been listening to repetitively lately? There's a new one every day lately, haha. Today it's Halocene's cover of "Love Bites (So Do I)." Cereal, granola, or oatmeal? Cereal. What TV shows did you grow up watching? You gotta gimme an age group... but I'd say the typical stuff for kids of that time. What does your phone case look like? It's just a boring purple that came with it. What were your favorite toys to play with as a child? I looooved playing with my "family" of a father crocodile, a mother deer, their two "children" (a fawn and smaller croc), and "friends" that were little Pokemon figurines. Then there was an evil t-rex with two stupid sidekicks, haha. I can't remember what dinosaurs they were. What's the most embarrassing thing you can ever remember doing? Hold on, lemme find my book. Do you remember what you dreamt about last night? I only very faintly recall dreaming about my cat Roman. Have you ever done anything embarrassing in a dream? Thank FUCK they're just dreams. Do you vape? Nah. What was a song you loved as a child? So uh. Apparently. I loved "Dookie" by Green Day. It's an undying story from Mom about how it came on once at a putt-putt place and I apparently started yelling "dookie!" and dancing. Do you enjoy the Arctic Monkeys? Yeah, I love some of their songs. Are you going to see Finding Dory? You bet your sweet ass I saw it. I've cried everytime I've watched it. Have you ever been horseback-riding? I have not, but I would love to. When was your last piercing? Whenever I got my tragus done, which I can't remember. What did your first crush look like? I don't remember my puppydog love first crush, but I can talk about my first REAL crush, Sebastian. He's a skinny dude with short, brown hair and a lip piercing... I can't remember which kind. He dressed in an emo style, and Facebook pictures at least suggest he still kind of does, I think. Is your body more curvy or flat? Well, I'm not at all skinny, so... What's your least favorite holiday? Probably Christopher Colombus Day, honestly. You didn't discover shit. Don't pretend to me it's worth celebrating in a clean conscience. if you’re having a boring day what do you usually do? If I'm rock-bottom bored, quite honestly, I normally nap, even though I know I shouldn't. Do you turn to food when you're upset? Ugh, I'm admittedly an emotional eater. I got way better about it, and then I started up again. Is your bf/gf good with your parents? I don't have an s/o. Do you think soda should be served at school? Vending machines are fine I suppose, as I don't believe they should be free seeing as they're nothing but sugar content, and I feel schools shouldn't just hand that out to kids at lunch or something. Do dogs have feelings? They sure do. Are you afraid of snakes? Oh no! I adore them. I respect snakes and am going to give wild ones their space for sure considering I don't recognize every native venomous one, but nevertheless, I'm not afraid of them. They are so vital to the ecosystem and are incredibly fascinating animals that deserve our protection. On that note, PLEASE do not kill any snake you come across in your shed or whatever. Call someone to relocate the terrified thing. Favorite snack? It depends on what I'm in the mood for, really. Ever seen The Notebook? Read the book, seen the movie plenty of times. Do you think cussing is trashy? No. Who is the most famous person you’ve met, if any? Nobody. Do you own any animals that aren’t domestic? No. Have you ever feared that you would lose a body part? No. Do you like gore? Yeah, generally. Do you like to drink water? Ugh, I really don't. I wish I did. Have you ever had a wax? I used to get my eyebrows waxed. Do you have any sets of matching bras and underwear? No. Are you any good at improv? Not at ALL.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''love bites (so do i)'' by halestorm

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

I hear you're really helpful with typing. I typed myself as an ENTP back in middle school but now as a Real Adult I'm not sure the skin still fits (I read descriptions of ENTPs and think, mm, sound like really immature assholes! ... Although I'm aware online profiles do have a tendency to suck). 2. I'm probably extroverted. I like to think out loud, I like to meet new people, if I give a good public speech I can live off the high for a few hours. (1/9)

(2/9) most of my introverted traits boil down to more sensory type things. I can't stand noisy places, parties or crowds make me feel trapped. Also, my very introverted family all firmly insist I'm obviously an extrovert, so 🤷‍♂️. Reading intuitive descriptions always feels like reading weird mumbo jumbo, but sensing descriptions like reading a list of things I'm bad at. I'm awful at awareness of my surroundings

(3/9)  I find driving stressful because there's so many streams of external input I need to be on top of and if I dare space out on an interesting thought I could literally kill someone. I was never in roux with my body (wished I could be a robot tbh) although after my first kid I did sign up for a dance class and it was so cool finally have my body be something other than an annoying meat sack with incomprehensible constant needs i need to constantly deal with.

(4/9) (incomprehensible = do I feel bad bc tired? Hungry? Thirsty? Guessing game time!). For me aesthetic sense basically I can turn on or off, default is off and I don't notice at all, but I can consciously turn it on so as to have a preference (what to eat for dinner) or taste (researching art styles to inspire my own). But yeah I can and have lived in a featureless white cave of a house and just don't notice/care. Thinking/feeling is complicated for me (ur not my therapist, I know).

(5/9) my family was SUPER t and looked down on emotions and stuff so, like, how much of my discomfort with emotion based values/decisions/behavior is me vs that, I don't know. I do know I read some T stereotypes and feel they're stupid. I may be shit at it, BUT being able to work with people and coordinate is how anything happens in the real world, and looking down on people skills is just a sign you're not very smart, imo. OTOH I do just genuinely love logical thinking. So sexy and satisfying.

(6/9) I work as a programmer. I love the rapid feedback cycle, I love constantly learning new things, but I think the most satisfying part is making a program "elegant". Taking a revolting mess of a four page function, compressing it into a beautiful little recursive six liner. (I also like hunting for bugs, most of the time very satisfying, and I love watching something cool emerge from what was literally nothing before). I like categorising and sorting and labeling things (see: mbti) in ways

(7/9) that reveal this underlying system that I can then apply/extend to other things. I like the satisfaction of a good explanatory theory. My husband is into solving problems with things (engineer). I'm also an engineer, but the problems that draw me are people related. Like I said, really it's all coordination problems, cooperation problems, how we can make the human system work towards a good outcome instead of getting trapped in a shitty equilibrium point.(I've worked on my people skills sm

(8/9) re p/j I have no idea. Everything stereotypically J just sounds like things I needed to learn to do as an adult? Make and follow plans and stuff. As I've gotten older, P stereotypical behavior went from being comfortable to being anxiety inducing. So gonna skip that and hope the function stack casts light on it instead. 

-----------------------------

Hi anon,

Before reading I will freely admit my first thought was probably high Ne; it is usually high Ne users who see a max character count/question limit as an invitation to reach that limit, whereas everyone else sees it as simply a thing they cannot exceed, but can fall short of.

Going through, from the start, it sounds like, barring any kind of unmentioned or undiagnosed sensory processing issues, an extrovert who is an intuitive makes sense in that you’d be excited by people but not by a lot of sensory experiences at once. This also fits with what you describe later - finding driving stressful because you can’t focus on both thoughts and the road, difficulty interpreting internal physical signs.

I definitely agree with you re: people skills (ie, hating people isn’t a sign of high intellect, but a bad grip on reality and also just probably being an unpleasant person).

I suspect you are more likely to be a high Ti user and therefore an ENTP - programmers/engineers aren’t automatically high Ti users, but I do think elegance tends to be something high Ti users strive for the most, whereas my own programming tends to be “does it work” (although also I’ve never been a programmer as a main job so the expectations and requirements for what I do are a much lower bar). Hunting for bugs and actually enjoying it rather than just wanting the code to work also sounds a lot more Ti-Fe than Te-Fi; an enjoyment more of the process than the end result.

Since you’re an adult and your Fe is tertiary (so actually getting to be pretty decent) and as you said developing people skills is just a reasonable part of life, I think developing an enjoyment of problems that involve people is probably part of that. I think the point you’re at in life and what you said about perceiving vs. judging fits well with a perceiver who is of normal adult levels of maturity. If you were a judger (and even setting aside my initial leaning towards Ne, you don’t write like high Ni user as they tend to use shorter sentences and have a very linear style vs. the more casual/digressive Ne/Si style), you would probably be experiencing the opposite experience, of slowly coming to terms with the sponteneity and need for flexibility of adult life vs. coming to terms with things like deadlines and planning which would have been more initially natural to you.

So: ENTP actually does sound like a good fit! I agree a lot of ENTP descriptions out there are written by people who seem to think interrupting with the phrase “well, actually” is a virtue instead of really annoying, so...yeah, I think it’s reasonable not to relate them and a reasonably mature adult ENTP definitely wouldn’t.

#mbti #entp #Anonymous

[amberandmetal]

Covered in you

Square filled: Laughing together for @marvelfluffbingo Pairing: Bucky x Reader Warnings: Smut but not very graphically detailed, angst as in seperation anxiety but it’s not very angsty at all. As always with my fics there’s a big risk for f-bombs so keep that in mind. Rating: E Word count: ca 900 Summary: Back in the 40′s Bucky is ready to move out to war, he is not so entused however to leave his girl behind. Mushy half angsty fluff ensues. A/N: This is a short little something I wrote like a few weeks ago and for some reason I haven’t posted it, I think maybe I was a bit insecure about how short it is and thought I could make it longer- but you know what? I like it like this. Short and sweet, that’s how I roll! It’s very romantic kinda fluff imo and I really love this one if I say so myself. This too, I think, is a gender neutral reader as no pronouns are used.  I am not a big blog so I don’t get a lot of comments or reblogs so if you like this, please take a moment to let me know. It really means the world to me and I answer every reblog and reply  ♡ As always: english is my 2nd language, this is unbetad, all mistakes are my own.

      ~~~

      “Mm, ‘m gonna miss this smell.”

      A shiver tickled up your spine. A pavlovian response to the nose burrowing into your hair and neck, taking deep breaths that made your skin prickle. You gave him an amused look through the dresser mirror.

      “M-hm, and I do stand by what I said.. This world is simply unfair, how is a girl gonna get anything done when all she can think about is how much she misses these hands,” you turned in his arms, making his hands slide around your waist, you took them in yours and brought them to your face, “these fingers,” you kissed each one carefully, “these palms,” you gave each the same treatment before holding them to your cheeks and looked up into his eyes, “and those sweet silvery blues, huh? Did they ever think about that before diving head first into this silly war?”

      Bucky chuckled quietly, gripping your chin between thumb and finger and angling your head slightly to the side so he could delve back in, mouthing and nosing along your neck.

      “It is what it is, sweetheart. And in the meantime I intend to commit every little piece of ya to memory, especially this, hmm- tantalizing smell,” he drew in a deep breath right behind your ear, making you giggle and swat at him, but he just chuckled, burrowing deeper “no, really what is that?” In no time he had you squirming and laughing in his arms, pushing at him half heartedly, not really trying to actually get away.

      “Bucky!” you shrieked, happily retaliating by trying to kiss every inch of his face.

      “Oh, now you’ve done it. You’re going down!”

      He gripped your waist, flinging both of you backwards onto the bed,  squeezing a very unladylike squeal from you in the process. You both laughed as you wrestled around on the bed for a while like a couple of children, until something in his touches changed; his hands started to grip a little bit tighter - rougher, his face bore into your skin with a little more force, and his breaths came in with a lot more weight.

      You lay on the sheets facing each other, his hands squeezing rhythmically at your sides. You reached out to brush a strand of hair from his forehead, the colour shining umber in the low light from the streetlamp outside the window.

      “I will miss you.” There was something heartbreakingly final in his voice.

      “You’re scared.” It wasn’t a question, and he didn’t answer. He just pulled you close, letting his mouth fall open to close around your bottom lip. There was no desperation or urgency there, just an underlying current of need, and it was simmering in you both.

      James Buchanan Barnes knew his way around a bedroom and he never left you unsatisfied. Sex with the newly made Sergeant was exciting and did not lack in neither laughs nor heat. But this time was different. There were no smirks, no playfulness, no filthy remarks to make your blood boil. Just a silent plea and an unspoken need.

      He removed your dress slowly, not once extracting himself from you, letting those big strong hands trail over your naked skin as he pushed the garment down. His eyes looked big and open - soft.

      He moved all over you, letting his hands, lips and tongue dance over every inch of your body, playing you like a finely tuned instrument until your skin was alight with song.

      Neither of you spoke, there was something unsaid there that just made sense. This was him making sure you knew how he felt without risking the words.

      Your knee. A kiss.

     I love you.

     Your hip. A kiss.

     I love you.

     Your neck. A kiss.

     I love you.

     When he finally entered you it felt like you could breathe for the first time in days; because whatever the future held for the two of you, you had him here now. You had Bucky in your arms, whole, safe and as close as two human beings could be.

      He moved slow but with force, as if emphasizing every languid stroke until he reached as far in as he could go, pushing your buttons and making you gasp from the tiny fireworks that danced low in your belly.

     His hands, his wonderful hands, were all over, stroking, petting, mapping you out; tracing the words across your flesh into a silent tattoo so you’d never forget.

     I love you. I love you. I love you.

      He slowed, keeping his hips firmly planted against the meat of your drawn up thighs- you hoped his weight would leave you with bruises to remember- foregoing the chase of his climax in favour of having you close. You moved together, hungry and silent, well into the night until you both were spent, falling together into a dreamless sleep; his arms holding you close, and every inch of your skin marked in invisible words, hidden away for only you to keep.

#marvelfluffbingo2019 #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky imagine #40's bucky #reader insert #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x you #captain america #mcu #the avengers

[bigskydreaming]

Going to talk about suicide and suicidal inclinations here, so massive trigger warnings for that.

Please keep in mind that I am not a psychiatrist or mental health professional, these are merely my own personal thoughts, intended at most to encourage people to think of something differently than how society has most of us ingrained to view it....not to definitively tell them what they should or shouldn’t do here, but merely to encourage them to not blindly accept what society presents as the ‘normal’ reaction to a loved one attempting suicide...and thus a justifiable reaction. 

Just to THINK about these kinds of reactions more, and ask more questions about them, instead of just.....reacting because that’s what you so often see and normalize as the reactions in wake of suicide attempts on TV or in stories.

A sizable majority of Dick Grayson fics are about him being suicidal or recovering from a suicide attempt. I don’t begrudge anyone their right to write these fics of course, because its easy to see how he’s the kind of character that’s easy to project such feelings upon or into, and there’s just as much catharsis to be found in working through those with him as a proxy as any other kind of trauma.

Its frustrating though because I’ve discovered I just flat out can not read those fics anymore, period. I get too worked up...by the reactions of everyone else in the fics. The anger, the disappointment expressed by everyone towards him, even though its made abundantly clear that these are born of their concern and anxiety about almost losing him, just manifested poorly.

And its not that this isn’t realistic. Its SO realistic. And that’s the problem for me. That’s the thing that drives me so up a wall...the reminder that our society thinks this is a normal response to a person attempting suicide, a justifiable one, like a person’s friends or families heaping anger and disappointment and frustration upon a person.....who tried to kill themselves....often because they couldn’t take feeling like everything they do makes people angry or disappointed or frustrated with them...and the people around them thinking that this additional abundance of all that good stuff upon someone recovering from a suicide attempt is HELPFUL.

But no, once again, people make it all about themselves and what THEY’RE feeling, not about what the person they claim to be trying to help is feeling.

Like....logic, please. Essentially, people are angry and worried and frustrated because a person’s inability to healthily act upon everything they were feeling led them to attempt suicide. How the FUCK does it make sense to EXPECT this person to be responsible for making more mature, healthy choices based on their extreme emotions.....when everyone around them is consistently demonstrating a refusal or inability to do that very thing, every time they lash out at this person with their anger or frustration or hurt...even if it IS born of anxiety or genuine concern for their well-being?

Literally all they’re actually doing is reinforcing that person’s beliefs that they don’t matter as much as everyone else, actively LOWERING their self-esteem even further. See, everyone ELSE is allowed to act out upon their emotions, even the negative ones, any way they want. But they themselves are never allowed to do that, that’s bad, because they’re different, they’re NOT AS GOOD AS OTHER PEOPLE.

It doesn’t work.

And yet it happens all. The. Fucking. Time.

Our society has such a backwards view of suicide, IMO, and its so counter productive to actually HELPING anyone get past being suicidal. Leaving aside the involvement of actual chemical imbalances as a deciding factor and medication needed to treat and stabilize such imbalances....

Our society teaches all of us to view suicide as the problem that needs solving. The thing about a suicidal person or their life that needs fixing, so they can be better, so that they won’t attempt again. A person is suicidal - that’s the problem, in society’s eyes. And in society’s eyes, the ‘cure’ for that is.....to keep them from attempting, to make them live no matter what, to ‘fix’ the part where they try and kill themselves.

Except that’s literally so backwards?

Because nobody attempts suicide seeing their attempt as THE PROBLEM.

They do it, seeing their attempt as THE SOLUTION.

To their ACTUAL problems. Be it depression, external factors or pressures, chronic pain or illness, addiction, poverty, abuse, any of a million things....

But THOSE are the actual problems in those peoples’ lives. The things that are making them so miserable they literally don’t want to live. The things that they want, that they need, FIXED, so that they don’t have to endure them anymore.

And after surveying ALL their options, usually only after exploring many, MANY alternative attempts to solve their problems.....sometimes people hit upon suicide as the ONLY option they can see to fix their problem, to finally not be as miserable 24/7....BECAUSE NOBODY IS HELPING THEM FIND OTHER OPTIONS.

Suicide, with the actual INTENT to kill oneself, rather than the attempt as a cry for help.....is almost always a LAST resort, not an initial go-to. It is something people attempt when they are tired....not just from the things making their lives so miserable....but their frustrated attempts to find ANY other way out of the trap they’re in.

Its not some problem that magically appears on its own (excepting in the case of suicidal inclinations due specifically to mental illness, but even then, its still not the PROBLEM, the mental illness is, that’s what needs to be treated). It always derives from a SOURCE. Either internal, in the form of mental health issues and chemical imbalances, or even then, most likely largely external as well...in the form of quality of life, external aggressors, impossible expectations or responsibilities or hurdles, etc.

YOU CAN’T HELP PEOPLE NOT BE SUICIDAL ANYMORE BY TREATING THEIR ATTEMPT TO SOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS AS THE ONLY PROBLEM THAT NEEDS SOLVING.

You can’t make people not suicidal anymore by FORCING them to live when they don’t want to.

The ONLY real way to help a person who is suicidal or who has attempted, IMO, is to help them address the REAL problems they face, the underlying ones, the ones they were attempting to SOLVE, but found NO OTHER SOLUTION FOR.

You need to help give them MORE options. MORE reasons to live.

The only ‘cure’ for a person NOT WANTING TO LIVE....is to help them..WANT TO LIVE.

And literally there is absolutely nothing helpful about showering them with your anger and disappointment and frustration? How would that help? Why would it help?

Why do YOU get to act out on all your extreme, heightened emotions due to this PROBLEM you face, where someone you love is suicidal IS SO MISERABLE THEY DON’T WANT TO LIVE......but THEY aren’t allowed to act out on their extreme, heightened emotions due tot his PROBLEM they face....where they are SO MISERABLE THEY DON’T WANT TO LIVE?

You see how that remotely doesn’t work or make any sense at all??

#suicide cw

[milkshakedoe]

le thoughts

something that bothers me about lesbian discourse i’ve seen, and a large part of why i’ve stopped really self-identifying as a “lesbian”, is how even among very well-meaning trans-positive groups or groups of lesbians who are trans themselves (at least online), a major problem always remains IMO not fully resolved: how to deal with closeted and questioning amab trans people, or people with nonstandard gender lacking the language to articulate it, without seeing them as Men in some degree.

it’s not that many don’t try, and i’m certain there are (and i know) very many lesbians who would (rightly) affirm in a heartbeat that such people are not "men”. but i’ve never seen a satisfying argument that really lays our anxieties to rest. as much as the idea that political lesbianism inherently supports transfems as a function of “centering women” or “the lesbian” may feel validating to transfems laboring to define themselves as clearly as possible as “not a man”, within the political framework often assumed by lesbian feminists i don't think this is a problem that ever can be really resolved.

----

in popular discourse about oppression there is the idea that oppression is a sort of relationship of individual wrongdoing, the “responsibility” for which ultimately lies at the feet of individuals, even if those individuals are seen as a “structural” group. in this worldview it is “men” who, as a collective of responsible parties, for their own self-benefit and pleasure, commit violence against women and those who aren’t men.

it’s controversial perhaps, but contrary to what you may hear on this site, there is no ‘secret cheat code’ for women to liberate themselves from patriarchal society when it’s all around them. it’s good and necessary to understand that you don’t have to date men, but the truth is that regardless of whether or not you date men we live in a misogynist society and trying to separate from it by divesting ourselves from Men - even where we don’t explicitly call it “separatism” or even “divesting” - isn’t going to save us, and the idea that we can become more or less liberated or more or less revolutionary or what have you by refusing Men and relationships with Men on the basis that Men are the source of oppression by virtue of being “Men” rests on flawed assumptions about gender that cause problems for transfems, and all of us.

the idea that “men” simply oppress women out of a kind of individual self-interest that either they are individually born with, or is somehow transmitted to them by their social man-ness (or their “privilege” makes pursuing their interests inherently detrimental to others, to put it another way), is not really compatible with an understanding of transness that goes further than saying that trans people were “born this way”. although many people, especially trans feminists and lesbians, are aware by now that thinking of trans people as being “born” trans is as mistaken as saying people are “born gay”, those that (rightly!) try to help defend transfems from accusations of “male privilege” still tend to latch on to narratives that essentially say the same thing.

that is, even if we recognize that babies can’t have gender, we say that transfems at least had decided their gender more or less from the point where they could first make conscious social decisions, and as such must be seen as having always been girls or non-men. therefore, when transphobes yammer that all people in patriarchal society are subject to “socialization” which corresponds exactly to assigned gender and defines their gender, we can answer: no, transfems were subject to transfeminine socialization, which decisively qualifies them as always having been feminine.

----

but the problem with this idea is that it takes “socialization” entirely at face value and ends up performing the same function: peoples’ gender largely isn’t decided by them; it was locked in once before a person’s social being really came to exist, and can’t change again. it denies the possibility that anyone who considers theirself to have been a “man” at any point in their life could ever be something different. it takes away trans peoples’ agency - and more importantly, it denies the possibility that patriarchal gender could ever really be transcended, since if cis peoples’ genders and interests too are basically locked in at toddlerhood if not at birth, then how can we ever envision doing away with it all?

so to be clear: it’s not “socialization” that makes peoples’ gender. if there is anything to be said about socialization, it is that gender is constituted not by socialization but by individual agency in response to that socialization, struggling against the conditions imposed upon them and what they've been told to accept.

but ultimately, the problem with all of our attempts to grapple with closeted and questioning people lies in the privilege framework itself. so long as we still take the idea of “privilege” seriously - that there are these identity categories to which people “belong” and which essentially determine their self-interests or the effect that pursuing their interests has on others (”mens’ privilege means that their benefit inherently comes at others’ cost”), which amounts to the same thing - then men can only be understood in such a way that ever being associated with men or seeing one’s self as a man (up to and including being attracted to and dating men, “gaining privilege” by becoming a “collaborator” of sorts) makes one inherently tainted with privilege and therefore wrongdoing for which one must be “held accountable”, that is, they must “pay for their crimes”.

----

when we see gender and oppression this way, yet try to understand transfemininity in a way that doesn’t give credence to “male privilege”, we run into irresolvable problems: we end up having to define all transfems as effectively always having been feminine as long as they were conscious, which may be the case for some - but thinking this is how it always works makes cis society seem inevitable and impossible to dismantle in the end. and because the privileged must always be “held accountable” for their privilege we have to say that, well it’s unfortunate but good feminists must treat “men” as inherently guilty of the sins of being men until they can prove otherwise that they are not really men. because if we try not to see people who call themselves men in this way, then the entire framework of resistance to patriarchy built on privilege starts to break down.

paradoxically, in defining privilege as a relationship of individual wrongdoing flowing from the social category to which one allegedly belongs, “privilege” sees people not really as people, but as mere representations of abstract categories: individual “men” become really mere physical appendages of the abstract category of Men, and become individually defined as oppressors, while non-men in turn likewise become defined as personifications of their position within gendered oppression. but there is a way out of this mess. i find it more useful and compelling to see people first as individuals who are potentially involved in structural dynamics but not inevitably so. while abstract social structures really do exist, and often dominate us, compel our actions, and structure our spontaneous consciousness (our understanding of the world before any analysis), again, it is our individual agency struggling up against the conditions imposed upon us that defines who we are, and defines our structural relationship to the world in turn.

furthermore, punishment is the logic of capitalism. as the Soviet legal scholar Evgeny Pashukanis wrote, the idea of equivalent punishment to an equivalent “crime” can only arise in the context of capitalism and the commodity fetish. capitalism is a society where we relate to other people first and foremost as owners of commodities and where we obtain almost everything we need to live and enjoy life through buying and selling. in capitalism, the underlying logic of commodities - the logic of value, where two objects are socially held to be equal in trade regardless of their concrete properties that actually make them useful to humans - comes to seem like the primary natural property of all commodities. and because commodity owners always interact first through the comparison of their commodities, and not through a direct social relationship, it comes to seem as though all human relationships are really properties of commodities themselves which can be exchanged: the legal commodity of “rights”, or “dignity” as David Graeber might put it.

the logic of punishment knows no concept of healing and problem-solving, only a very simple math equation: so long as the offender has not served their sentence and “paid their debt”, justice remains unserved, and so the sin of privilege which makes one harmful regardless of one’s intent must always linger with those who were supposedly tainted by it. even if we can define all transfems who’ve realized their gender as having been always women, we find ourselves failing on a collective basis to help those who still lack the language or confidence to articulate themselves.

we can do away with all of this horrible nonsense. if we are really to do justice to transfems in a way that doesn’t frame us as in some sense "privileged” or “men” or a natural aberration within cis society or see cis society as inevitable, we can and urgently need to abandon notions of privilege and punishment.

#q #trans #critecon #theory

[magioftheseas]

what about a defense for mikan? she’s my least favorite and i’m curious as to what you think!

Oh boy, Mikan.

Mikan, Mikan, Mikan.

I have some Controversial Thoughts on Mikan. But… I’ll still defend her because… I actually…really like her.

(TW for mentions of bullying and abuse because…I can’t not.)

First off, I do totally think that Mikan’s manipulative and has a huge victim complex. Mikan’s character is definitely meant to play on the “bullied victim” archetype, the yandere trope, and a bit of the “weepy reluctant fanservice girl”…if that’s the term to use. But while she definitely has gone through heinous bullying in the past (the shit she describes in her FTEs and even Island Mode makes Hiyoko’s insults look complimentary in comparison; hell Mikan herself almost explicitly says Hiyoko ain’t that bad compared to what she’s used to), it’s…pretty obvious that she’s a huge attention seeker and that negative attention is the most reliable form of it. Hell, she’s much more troubled by not receiving any attention at all than only receiving negative attention.

She’s…very troubled and disturbed, and extremely twisted. Which I mean, is to be expected, considering the kind of life she’s lived. Not much is said about her home life except that she’s beaten there, which… Yikes. A lot of Mikan is just so ‘yikes’. If you could sum up Mikan in one word, it’d be ‘yikes’.

She’s very obviously a character meant to make you feel extremely uncomfortable if not upset, even in the fanservice with how she’s always shown visibly distressed and wailing as she’s put in compromising positions. But you can also tell that some of her falls are intentional, meant to draw attention, even if she’s not exactly having fun doing it. It’s…an exploitive but self-destructive display, there to unsettle with fanservice and moe tropes that are usually there to play into the viewer’s more protective leanings. It’s…an attempt at a deconstruction, which I can definitely at least admire on paper.

But what ultimately makes Mikan really interesting and even striking for me is just how she approaches and addresses others’ passivity and just how much more damaging that can be than even being insulted and demeaned. The fact that people are content to stand around and do nothing as she’s hurt, in fact, hurts her deeply and makes her far more resentful, which I think is like…crazy relatable. A lot of the time you can just write off bullies as being jerks so of course they act fucking awful, buuuuut when it comes to people that aren’t bullies and people who otherwise “act nice” but do nothing when you’re mistreated in front of them… That can cut a lot deeper and you can end up resenting them a lot more than you resent the bully.

I really appreciate Mikan for calling attention to this and for taking more offense to this rather than her bullying because a lot of people will pat themselves on the back for “not being that bad” and completely overlook the damage caused by inaction and complacency and that’s…really, really fucking dangerous. In fact it’s what enables bullying because no one is doing shit about it.

Mikan’s a lot more meaningful of a character, imo, for having this kind of nuance. And what also makes her interesting is just how much she defies the usual “moe kyun” bullshit by just…clearly not being “fixed by wuv”. In fact, because she’s so needy, she can get incredibly codependent. She’s still incredibly dangerous, not just to herself, but to others, and that says a lot more than “wuv wuv fixes all”.

Mikan is just…an overwhelmingly negative character with pretty much no redeeming qualities (even though I do believe she wants to help others, she still frames this as a means to enact control over those others) and just…having that attached to a weepy face and big boobs is really interesting. I think it’s really, incredibly interesting because it challenges the viewer rather than simply playing into some limpid fantasy. Even when it does “try” to play into the savior fantasy, there’s this underlying current of unease and anxiety that I kinda dig.

Mikan may not always be the best or most properly handled, but I still think what she has to offer in this regard is pretty fucking valuable. I really want Mikan to cause more and more people to question themselves.

That’s my defense.

#Magi answers #anonymous #tw abuse #tw bullying #character defense #mikan tsumiki #not putting this in the character tags because mikan stans will roast me and I'm not terribly interested in that atm

[ahkaraii]

oh gosh i love your meta, now i have to ask your opinion about Kakashi, im fascinated by his trauma and how he dealt with it, which i think was a bad way, but still interesting. What do you think about him and his role? about his time as Hokage?

Okay, let me first start by saying: I love Kakashi. I love him a toooon, and I will happily draw a thousand comic strips with him as main character because I find him fascinating. But my love for him does not preclude the fact that Kakashi is not a “morally good” man, and probably would never become one unprompted.

First: he is a shinobi, and all that it entails - a professional killer, a man loyal to a fascist-like system, who will die to protect its ideals. He is a product of this system and will dutifully perpetuate it (unless someone he admires proposes a different solution, cough, Naruto, this is where you come in).

Second: his internal ‘moral code’ is incredibly inconsistent over his life because Kakashi doesn’t objectively know what is good or bad -- as a child he used to think his father was Good but then it turned out his dad was Bad, and that set the stage for his ongoing anxiety about not knowing what is Right or Wrong. (It also didn’t help that he was a child soldier at age five, dear lord). What Kakashi does know is what is valuable and valued in the shinobi system, and later, what was valuable and valued by important figures in his life that have died. Everything that falls outside of this is deemed “Trash” or simply “Unimportant”.

Third: Kakashi is a very psychologically fragile guy. He suffers from anxiety, depression, and depersonalization, to name a few symptoms. The resulting mess is what appears to be a schizoid personality with an underlying anxiety disorder that manifests through ritualistic OCD-like behavior.

Kakashi likes rules, he likes order, he likes knowing exactly what is going to happen. That’s why he reads the same silly novel a gazillion times, why he clings to a dead boy’s moral code -- the dead can’t change their minds and change the rules on him, and the novel’s ending is already written, it can’t be retconned on him. It gives him mental stability in a very inconsistent and threatening world that has pulled the rug on him too many times for him to ever be able to trust the solidity of the ground below him.

As an adolescent he had symptoms of anxiety-induced OCD -- cleaning his hands over and over comes to mind. He visits the graves of his dead for hours and hours without fail. He always wears his mask, come rain sleet or snow.

So it seems that in order to be sane he needs a schedule, he needs things to be the same or at least predictable. Missions are easy. What is the objective? How am I going to accomplish it? Mission complete. Come home. Rinse and repeat. He is at his most emotionally stable living a very predictable and ritualistic lifestyle. The rest is Trash and Unimportant.

This has remarkably translated to him being a very good shinobi, because the ideal shinobi is a kunai always ready to be drawn, that self-sharpens, that flies true and hits the mark you intended to hit. Kakashi can do that. He knows exactly what he needs to do to be just that, and that brings him peace. Perhaps not tranquillity, or happiness, but certainly a mental blankness that is absent of emotional pain, which is superior to what he feels when he’s not on a mission. His moral code before Obito is thus: the Shinobi Rules are Law, and following that strictly kept him content, because he knew that was Good.

Indeed, had Obito not died as he did, Kakashi would have placidly continued being a phenomenal rule-following shinobi. He would have made one HELL of a good ROOT agent, likely succeeded Danzo and carried on being the epitome of the darkness of a shinobi without batting an eyelid. Killing kids, burning people’s livelihoods, sabotaging peace efforts--all Good because I was ordered to and I Am Following The Rules and that is Good. But the fact of the matter is Obito DID die, and told Kakashi that the shinobi rules were Trash because Comrades Are More Important, which shattered Kakashi’s careful rules and order. So, to reduce the anxiety resulting from this loss of structure, Kakashi rearranged his moral code around Obito’s last words and carried on.

Then Obito turns out to be the bad guy. Whoops! A panel later, Kakashi now re-organizes himself to follow Naruto’s ideals instead.

What is consistent across all this? Kakashi, fundamentally, has no idea what is morally good or bad. He is full of anxiety and that anxiety is only relieved by following a set structure, a set of behaviours that can be operationally defined and followed to the letter, behaviors that produce a predictable result. If Kakashi arrives late, people will yell “you’re late!” If Kakashi pulls out his book in public, people will yell “what a weird pervert!” He assumes all these facades because they produce predictable results that comfort him in how predictable they are.

So -- all that psychological preamble aside, would Kakashi make a good Hokage?

From what I've seen (at a glance =_=) in Boruto, he is the one that helps Konoha transition from a technologically deficient village to a highly technological one. The reconstruction efforts are immense, and the city triples in size, but I don't see that many shinobi running around, so presumably the civilian:shinobi ratio has exponentially increased. Interesting to think about. I still don't know how their economy works, lmao, but whatever Kakashi did seemed to have worked and worked quite well. So that’s canon for you.

But, ignoring that sequel, because I really don't care to follow it or incorporate it into my personal headcanon, I think Kakashi would actually make for a pretty lousy Hokage, hahaha.

Kakashi is better suited to be what I’ve now taken to calling the “Shadow Hokage” -- the force behind the "Light" Hokage, as it were. Think about this: he could’ve made a phenomenal ROOT leader. In fact, he was an ANBU commander for quite a while, and he was universally acknowledged as being really good at it, both at completing missions and getting his comrades back alive. What an efficient ninja! His mission success rate combined with his minimal waste of human resources = A++ shinobi, sir!

Why not a “Light Hokage”? Well, beyond Kakashi’s “I never abandon my comrades” speech, he has very few words of wisdom to impart to impressionable youth. He can hardly communicate with fellow shinobi, how the heck do you expect him to communicate with civilians? With the daimyo? Oh, he can do it -- we saw with Yamato and Naruto and the Raikage that he is capable of bowing and talking formally, yadda yadda -- but that is not Kakashi’s strength. Why would you ever force this socially-impaired, languid-as-fuck schizoid disaster into a public, political position??? Dear lord.

He’s better suited to sticking to the shadows, imo. He can and has made the tough decisions, the cold, heartless, friend-killer decisions for the good of Konoha, even having Obito’s code eating away at him. But squatting with baby Academy students and accepting flower crowns a-la Hiruzen is just...not a thing I can see him doing for years and years with enough feeling to convince anyone he means it. He was -- quite objectively, I’d argue -- a spectacularly BAD jonin-sensei when it was just three little kids looking up to him. Imagine an entire village of children looking up to this guy, their new Cult Of Personality To Aspire To. Rip kids.

I’d much rather have Kakashi as someone below the Hokage, who takes orders from someone who wants to change the shinobi system. Have Kakashi take up the mantle of jonin-commander, if ROOT is no longer a thing. Use his keen intelligence to suggest strategies on how to allocate resources, which people to recruit and which to discard, where everyone’s skills are best suited for, what areas need improvement, etc.

Finally, please give him therapy dogs and an enthusiastic man in a wheelchair so he can ultimately retire in peace ;//u//;

#long post #naruto #kakashi #karaii's headcanons #kakashiobitos