#but even if he stayed or not dorcas would have died either way. it was going to happen. dorcas wouldn't give up

[saintchaser]

"whatever i've done, i did it for love."

"you're fucking crazy, dorcas."

they laughed, an ugly laugh, spitting their blood on the worn-out floor of the broken-down factory. they pressed harder on the gash on remus' stomach.

sectumsempra. they'd recognize it anytime, anywhere. they had gotten so used to it, a slash and pain, blood oozing out of you rapidly. it was a matter of hours, minutes, maybe, until you were gone.

it was the first time voldemort had been spotted in a while, among his followers. and dorcas was sure, more than anything in the world, that he had caught their eye once or twice.

he had to get rid of them. they had set fire to his house. they had killed so many followers of his, accompanied by alastor moody or not. it was time for him to seek his revenge.

dorcas felt it in their blood, coursing through their veins. they were going to die, that night, in birmingham. whether it was alone or with remus, that didn't matter anymore.

"don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same if it was sirius instead of marlene, lupin. don't tell me james wouldn't have done the same if it was lily."

remus kept quiet, biting his tongue. they were right, he knew it. he would have done the same thing.

seeking for vengeance for a long lost lover.

"go home, remus. you're hurt."

"so are you."

"it doesn't matter." dorcas stood up and winced, hissing in pain. "i have to take them down. you know i have to. and i'll take voldemort, that bastard, down with me too."

and as they pushed the ugly bracelet (the portkey, their only chance at escaping, they stood up just a bit straighter and ran out of the factory, headfirst into the danger, into the claws of death.

"cas!" remus shouted.

but he was gone, safe, in london, and only two months after marlene mckinnon had been killed by peter pettigrew (a secret dorcas took to their grave), dorcas meadowes had been murdered, in cold blood, by voldemort himself.

another warrior off the battlefield. another pawn out of the chess game.

#and remus feels guilty because he shouldn't have had left dorcas alone in birmingham that day #but even if he stayed or not dorcas would have died either way. it was going to happen. dorcas wouldn't give up #remus lupin #remus lupin angst #dorcas meadowes #dorcas meadowes angst #my writing #death tw #blood tw

[bloomvine02]

DOWNFALL - A Barty Crouch Epistolary

1979, July 10th

Dear Reg,

Where the hell did you go? The dark Lord has grown weary and even your brother seems to be worried.

You’re not dead, are you?

I don’t know if this owl will reach you. Or even find you. But if you do read it, know that whatever you've done to make you hide, I forgive you.

Your friend,

Barty.

1979, July 30th

Dear Reg,

I was angry that you didn't reply to my owl, thought you’d given up on being friends to be honest.

But then I read what happened. In a stupid newspaper.

It’s not fair.

Pandora managed to figure out where you went, by the way. What were you doing there?

It’s colder without you. Even though you were a serious git, you were my friend. You were our friend.

None of this is fair.

Your friend,

Barty.

1979, July 30th

Reggie,

I’m sorry. I should’ve been there. I should’ve asked how you were and where you were going.

Did you do this for him?

It’s painful without you. Do you remember when you would sneak into Ravenclaw tower during lightning storms, so I wouldn’t be scared.

Why did you die?

You were only 18.

All my love,

Dora x

1979, August 2nd

Hi mate,

Guess I wasn’t important enough to be told about your death first hand. It had to go through four people.

I found out from Pettigrew. Goddamn Pettigrew.

Dory told me to write this. Apparently she and Barty have been too.

I guess it’s my job to tell Dorcas then.

It’s dark without you.

Ev.

1979, August 3rd

Star boy,

Evan told me yesterday. Guess I should keep up on the news more often eh?

Sirius knows now. He and Remus finally read the news.

What hurts is, he’s taking it better than I am.

I won't let anyone talk bad about you in the order. It won’t happen.

I was told how you died. Where you were.

You died a hero.

To be honest I’m not sure if I’ll even send this anywhere. But it’ll be nice to have this for me.

It’s silent without you.

My affection,

Flowers x

1979, December 25th

Reg,

Merry Christmas. I got you a present.

Your mum made you a painting, in case you wanna show up in it. I left the box there. Come say hi.

Everyone’s round, even Dorcas.

We all miss you.

It’s not fair.

Barty.

1979, December 25th

Reggie,

Happy holidays.

I put some tinsel around your portrait frame this morning. Walburga will probably get Kreacher to take it down, you know how she hates tacky things, but it’s the thought that counts. Right?

Do you think of us?

Kreacher’s not doing too well either. He won’t talk to anyone, poor elf.

All my love,

Dora x

1979, December 25th

Hi mate,

Merry christmas and all that.

It doesn't feel like christmas.

Nothing feels like anything any more.

Love you mate,

Evan.

1979, December 25th

Hello Star Boy,

Sorry I couldn’t stay for long, your mother isn’t too fond of me.

I left you a card by your portrait. It’s open so you can read it if you decide to come by.

Evan left before me. I’m worried about him, he doesn’t smile like he used to.

Then again none of us do.

My affection,

Flowers x

1980, January 7th

Reg,

Everything happens so quickly. I guess this letter should be for two now. So let me start over:

Reg, Evan,

The days become so dark. So, so dark without you.

The darkness allows my mind to wander. I don’t want it to wander.

I guess we all knew you would never go down without a fight Ev. I would ask if you’re up there, with Reg, but at this point if there were a God? He wouldn’t have killed my two best friends.

It’s not fair.

Barty.

1980, January 10th

Reggie,

Did you meet Evan by the doors up there? He missed you, though I guess he got the easy way out. I love you.

Ev,

Dorcas won’t talk to us. To anyone. I think she thinks your death was her fault. But it wasn’t. It was Moody.

I love both of you boys,

Dory x

1980, January 11th

Hi.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I gave up on trying a while back. What’s the point if you’re not even going to read it.

But if somehow you’re here watching me write this. I miss you. Both of you.

I'm done though. Done with the letters to no one. Done with sitting in order meetings and pretending my friends are ok.

It’s only a matter of time before someone goes next.

Dorcas.

1981, June 3rd

Why?

Why why why why why why why why why why why.

This isn’t fair.

None of this is fair. I can't help but feel that I'm on the wrong side.

Voldemort got Dorcas. Killed her personally.

WHY WHY WHY WHY?

B.

1981, June 4th

There’s only two of us now.

Barty won’t talk to me though.

It’s so lonely.

I’ve told Luna about you lot. About your amazing lives and how brave you were.

Barty visited us, he seemed skittish. I’m worried.

Xeno and I moved to the countryside, you'd all love it here.

I love you.

Dory x

1982, June 4th

Hello.

It’s been awhile.

I haven’t seen Barty in a year either. It’s so lonely.

Luna’ s growing up fast. Too fast. She reminds me of you Ev, loud.

She’s one now. She can already speak.

I can tell she’s going to be a beautiful witch.

Dora x

1983, June 4th

This seems like tradition now,

Every year.

Barty came round today. God, he looks so different. So tired.

I know he doesn’t write anymore, but he misses you. I can tell.

Dora x

1985, June 4th

My friends,

I’m sorry I missed last years, I got married and it didn’t feel right to write the letter a day late.

I reserved seats for you, at the wedding. Right at the front.

Dorcas you were a maid of honour.

Luna looked beautiful in her dress, she through flower petals at people rather than in the air but she’s only 4. You would’ve loved her Evan.

Barty showed up. I had hoped he would. He didn’t talk much but he was there, in his seat.

Dory x

1986, June 4th

Barty came round today, but he seemed… different. His hair is so long and his eyes are so tired. He keeps doing this… thing, with his tongue. Like a snake would.

He didn’t seem very happy. I’m worried about him.

Dory x

1987, January 28th

This isn’t fair.

This isn’t fair.

This isn’t fair.

This isn’t fair.

This isn’t fair.

This isn’t fair.

This isn’t fair.

Voldemort is searching for Pandora.

This isn’t fair.

THIS ISN’T FAIR.

Everything is so dark.

1988, January 4th

Hello.

Luna is 7 now. Only 4 more years til hogwarts! I hope she’ll make a group of friends just as I did.

Regulus. You would’ve loved seeing her grow up. She has your magical talent.

She’s so similar to all of you. In so many ways.

Pandora x

1989, April 8th

I can hear you. Judging me.

There’s nothing I can do.

I’m a coward.

It’s not fair that she gets a perfect life.

Where’s my perfect life.

I want my friends back

SHUT UP WITH THE JUDGING

SHUT UP

SHUT UP

SHUT UP

PLEASE

Bartimus.

1990 , January 4th

Today has been a better day, lately I’ve found though that a lot of my magic is failing, maybe I’m getting old.

Luna turned nine recently, she’s got such a beautiful smile. I got her 3 cards, one from each of you.

Barty’s coming round to visit today, he should be here soon.

Dora x

1989, April 8th

I’m so sorry Dora.

SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY.

It wasn’t my fault though. Was it?

Your spell backfired. Not mine.

It wasn’t my fault you weren’t strong enough.

Xenophilius wasn’t in.

Good.

There was so much blood. But you looked so peaceful. It makes me happy.

Dora’s right, Luna is so pretty. But so sad.

WHY IS SHE SAD.

IT’S NOT FAIR.

BARTY

#marauders #barty crouch jr #Pandora sailstream #regulus black #Evan rosier #dorcas meadowes #fanfic #epistolary

[atlasdoe]

Only Survivors - Chapter One

Emmeline centered fic set after the war 

1981 - 1983

I should've known

I'd leave alone

Just goes to show

That the blood you bleed

Is just the blood you owe

/  /

Emmeline Vance had spent the past five years wondering what the first year without the war would look like. She imagined fireworks and parties. She imagined summer evenings getting drunk with her friends and family gatherings every holiday. She looked forwards to all of the weddings that she would attend, and the children she would meet now that everyone's fear of attacks was gone. Sometimes her mind went so far into the perfect war-free world that tears would form in her eyes at the mere thought of having all her loved ones safe and happy. She was so close to happily ever after, all she had to do was hold on for a little while longer and it would come to her.

At least that’s what she thought before Marlene died. Then Caradoc went missing. Then her father and brothers were killed, right before Fabian and Gideon. After them it was Edgar. Then Dorcas. Then Benjy. And finally, James and Lily. 

Never, did Emmeline think that she would be celebrating the end of the war alone. 

But she did. She went to the Leaky Cauldron when she heard the news. Already upon her arrival was the pub packed. She ordered a drink and kept to the bar mostly. Every now and then someone would see her alone and start up a conversation. They'd ask what her plans for life were, how please she was now, and if she wanted to join them for drinks. Her replies were always the same. Just finished my Mediwitch training. I’m delighted. No thank you but have a great night.

She waited to see if anyone else from the Order would turn up, but none of them did. Tom started kicking people out by 3 in the morning and by 3:15 she had found another pub in central London that still had its doors open. She stayed there until 5.

She took the train back home to Birmingham, rather than use wizarding transport. She liked long journeys and appreciated the time to think. She wondered if it was selfish to have celebrated with everyone else that night. Kingsley would’ve been at the Ministry going through the reports of Voldermorts demise and possibly Sirius’ trial if he was even getting one. She thought of Frank and Alice and how they must’ve spent their night together with baby Neville, thanking their lucky stars that it wasn’t them. And Remus, Gods Remus, she couldn't even imagine how he must've been feeling at that moment. She considered going to visit him but decided against it when she remembered that last she had heard Remus was all but missing. For all, she knew he could've been dead. Another loved one that Sirius Black had murdered.

Oh well, she thought numbly. Another one to add to the list I guess.

The next two months were a blur. She didn’t talk to anyone, nobody reached out except for Kingsley. He had sent her a letter a week after the war ended.

My dearest Emmeline,

                                    I’ve been debating about reaching out to you since I heard the news of the end of the war, I’m sorry it took so long but as you can imagine things have been heretic here at the Ministry. Either way, I hope this letter finds you well.

I’ve been thinking that it might do us all a bit of good to remain in touch with as many people as we can. Isolation is a deadly killer and I do not wish for you or anyone else to fall victim to it. I was thinking of planning a night out maybe. Nothing big just a few drinks between you, Gilderoy, Hestia, and I. Get the only gang back together you could say. Raise a glass for the others.

Please write back if you’re interested. If not, take care.

I wish you the very best, you deserve it,

Kingsley.

She didn’t reply. But she wanted to, she wish she could. But she didn’t. She just held the letter close to her heart and let the silent tears fall down her face. 

Still, she hoped that Hestia and Gilderoy had got back to Kingsley. Her heart tugged at the thought of Kingsley all alone after being brave enough to take the first step. But to have a Ravenclaw reunion without half of them just felt wrong. 

Emmeline bumped into Pandora in mid-December. She was in Diagon Alley for the first time since the war ended. 

It was exactly like it was before. There were no shops closed because the roof had been blown off, nobody lurking near Knockturn Alley in hopes of hearing something that they shouldn’t, everything was as if there had never been a war at all. She didn’t like that.

Oh, how she wish she could. Emmeline would've done absolutely anything to act as if nothing had ever been wrong. She wished so dearly that she was here with her little brothers, looking for a gift for their father. If they had, they’d stop by Fortescue's where, if she was working, Alice would give them discounted ice cream with her usual beaming smile. Despite the cold, they’d eat it outside and people watch as they decided on a plan of action to which shops they’d visit in which order. As the day went on they’d run into their friends. If Marlene was there then she’d tag along. Marlene would’ve probably had her own younger siblings with her, they’d all accuse Marlene and Emmeline of planning this but they hadn’t. Though they’d act as they had. Jude and Thomas would at some point wander off on their own once they grew tired of all the teasing every time their hands intertwined. Then Marlene and Emmeline would also separate from the group, lying about how they would look for them (as they were in charge, of course, being the eldest and all.)

If The Marauders had chosen this particular day to do their own shopping (and knowing their luck they would’ve) then they’d surely make their way over to the girls purely to annoy them. Remus would offer them chocolate and Peter would ask them how their holidays had been going so far as they all watch James and Sirius complete a series of dares set by the others. 

They might’ve even seen Edgar, who would’ve definitely been there with Amelia, Fabian, and Gideon, and maybe Benjy and Caradoc. Edgar would smile and hug Marlene before greeting Emmelie like he always did. Wrapping his arms around her and kissing her cheek three times as he slightly lifted her off the ground. She would laugh and he would put her down before bringing their lips together, neither of them caring enough to react to the gagging noises that Marlene, Amelia, Fabian, and Gideon would make. 

In every interaction Emmeline would have, her heart would fill just a little bit more. And when she would get home, she’d kiss her father goodnight and fall asleep with a smile on her face; her mind replaying all the moments when she and her friends would thrive in the familiarity of their own. A comfort that Emmeline now feared she would never have again.

If she closed her eyes and really focused, maybe she’d be able to pretend.

Maybe, if she was alone, she would’ve. But there were far too many people around for Emmeline to be having mental breakdowns in the middle of the street.

Pandora had found her just as she was leaving Gringotts. She was not only with Xenophilius but also a baby girl who Pandora had introduced as their daughter, Luna Rose Lovegood, named after Pandora’s younger sister; another victim of the war.

They hadn't had much time to chat, but in the time they did have, they reminded Emmeline of the traditional Ravenclaw Christmas Eve Eve drinks that were held every year. Emmeline was about to decline when a memory of her and Marlene entered her head.

The Christmas Eve Eve drinks were a tradition for former members of Ravenclaw. A way for old classmates to catch up with each other before the holidays. Marlene and Emmeline had both always wanted to go but only managed to attend one until they were temporarily canceled until the war ended. 

“Please come,” Pandora pleaded when she saw Emmeline hesitate to answer. “Everyone has been asking about you Em, you’ve got people worried y’know?”

“I just don’t think I’ll be all that fun to be around right now,” she said, crossing her arms and shaking her head. “I’m a lightweight and when I drink I vent. Trust me nobody wants that.”

Pandora gave her a sad smile and pulled her in for a tight hug, the first hug that Emmeline had had since the end of the war. It took all her willpower to not completely melt in Pandora's grasp and burst into tears. How Pandora still had the power to make her want to spill her guts without saying a single word was beyond her. 

“You’re always welcome. Not only to the drinks but where ever I am. We still live in the same house as before, just pop in at any time,” she pulled away, still holding her by the shoulders, and locked their eyes. She had that motherly look on her face as she said firmly, “I care about you very much Emmeline. I’m always here - Always.”

Emmeline’s lips shook as she nodded. Pandora hugged her again and wished her well. 

She did, in the end, go to the drinks. Pandora had welcomed her with open arms the moment she saw her enter the small pub.

“I’m so glad you could make it,” she beamed holding her close. “I already got you a drink. C’mon, we’re sat over in that corner,” she pointed to a table in the back where Kingsley, Xenophilius, and Hestia were already sat. They waved when they saw her, she tried her best to smile back.

Hestia Jones was always someone Emmeline was unsure about. She was her and Marlene's roommate in school, but she spent much more time outside of the dorm than inside. Mostly because she and Marlene didn't get along. 

Emmeline couldn't remember when their rivalry began but over their years at Hogwarts Marlene and Hestia had probably said more horrid things to each other than they did nice. 

Emmeline had always been the middle man. It was clear to everyone involved that she was Marlene's friend first and foremost but she never took anything out on Hestia. She never had anything against her, in fact, Emmeline was usually the one pleading Hestia's case most of the time. If it wasn't for Emmeline then Marlene would've never put Hestia on the Quidditch team in ‘76. But Hestia didn't know that, and they had never really been friends.

Despite this, Hestia's smile was still wide as Emmeline approached them. She acted as if there was never any conflict between the two of them ever, and Emmeline guessed she was right, it didn't make it any less weird though.

The first hour or so was spent talking about anything other than the war. Multiple people came to their table to catch up and take pictures but none of the five ever went looking for anyone themselves. However, Emmeline quickly learned that with her and Kingsley as members of the Order of the Pheonix most people found themselves putting them on some sort of podium for actively fighting in the war. After that, it was easy to figure out who exactly needed to be at the bar to get drinks brought for them. 

In total Emmeline had fifteen drinks brought for her that night (Kinglsye twenty.) She was on her fourth when the war was finally brought up.

“Did you ever find out what happened to Caradoc?” Was the question that brought the conversation of war up, asked by Pandora who Emmeline was sure wouldn’t be asking so casually if she was sober. 

(When Emmeline thought about it when she got home that night she remembered how close Pandora had been with Caradoc and figured it was a question she had been dying to ask all night.)

“No, we never found out,’ Kingsley answered. “He’s presumed dead, but there was no body to bury.”

“There was also no family to bury it,” Emmeline added in a mumble. “Parents were killed weren't they?”

Kingsley nodded while Pandora sighed, leaning back in her chair. “It would’ve been nice for Benjy to have the closure though.”

Emmeline shook her head, “Would’ve done him no good. He didn’t die long after that.”

“A month,” Kingsley supplied. “A week after Dorcas.”

“Still,” Pandora continued. “Maybe things would’ve been different if he knew.”

They were silent for a second and Emmeline thought that the subject would be changed. But after quickly drinking all of what was her fifth drink she realized that this would probably be the only opportunity she got to properly discuss everything that had happened, and get any answers that she needed. So she asked the question that had been on her mind for months.

“Is Remus dead?” she asked bluntly.

Hestia, Pandora, and Xenophilius all turned to look at Kinglsey who shook his head but kept his eyes on his glass. “No, he isn’t dead.”

“I thought Black had killed him,” Xenophilius commented.

Kingsley finally looked up and finished his drink. “You and everyone else in the fucking wizarding world - Nah, Black didn’t kill him… Not physically anyway.”

“Have you seen him?”

He nodded, “Briefly… We had him come into the ministry for questioning. Y’know with Black and all it could’ve been possible that he knew something that we didn’t.”

Emmeline nodded along as he spoke, her chin now resting in her hand as she held onto his every word. “People in the Order thought he was a spy,” she said, remembering the arguments that had gone on during some of the Order's last days. Nobody trusted anyone, and with Remus constantly going in and out it seemed like the only person to trust him was Dorcas. Even the Marauders were keeping their distance.

Kingsey nodded again, “Apparently we worried for nothing,” he told them, anger filling up his voice slightly. “Dumbledore knew what he was doing the entire time. He just never told anyone.”

Hestia’s face scrunched up when he said that. “Why wouldn’t he tell anyone?” she questioned. “If Dumbledore had been honest about Remus then maybe someone would’ve been able to spot the differences in Black.”

Kingsley only shrugged before getting up. “I need another drink,” he announced. “What’s everyone getting?” 

They all gave him their orders and he left to the already crowded bar.

Once he had left Emmeline wasted no time with her next question. “Do you reckon Mary knows? Do you know if she’s come back yet?”

Mary MacDonald, a Gryffindor in the year below Emmeline, was a dear friend to most of the Order. She was a muggleborn and after she was attacked in her fourth year at Hogwarts became very active in muggle's rights. In 1979 she was set to join the Order with the rest of them but sadly didn't make it past her first mission.

Emmeline was on the mission with her. The two of them, along with Lily, Alice, Marlene, and Dorcas, were sent to Lestrange manor to save a family of muggles who was being held captive there. This family of muggles in particular were relatives of the current Minister of Magic and freeing them was anything but a walk in the park.

They had failed the mission and the family had been killed right in front of them. If it wasn’t for Dorcas’ quick thinking the witches would’ve never made it out alive themselves. They had gotten too cocky and because of it, four innocent lives were lost. They all took it to heart, but none like Mary.

Emmeline had never seen anyone truly break down before that night. She hadn’t known what to do when Mary fell to the floor of the Orders headquarters screaming and sobbing as she clung to Marlene like she was some sort of life jacket. 

It was possibly one of the most heartbreaking sights she had ever witnessed, and the stuttered gasps that left Mary's mouth were more warning of how hard this war was going to be than Dumbeldore had ever given them. 

Marlene and Lily took her into the other room for privacy and when they came out they told the others that Mary had decided to not officially join the Order. The news left everyone on edge. Mary was the best of them, she was confident and proud and fearless. Mary was braver than any one of them, she was Gryffindor's lioness, to see her cower away was something that nobody was ever expecting and her departure caused more members to question how far they were really willing to go for the war. 

Emmeline wasn’t surprised when Marlene told her that she was one of those people. Marlene was a lot of things, protective, clever, and the strongest person Emmeline knew. But a fighter she was not. If Marlene was seeking justice she was making signs, having important conversations, and preaching rights. She wasn’t dueling strangers and she definitely wasn’t putting everything she held dear on the line because an old guy told her that it was the only way. Marlene wanted to find another way, and she could’ve - if Mary had never sent out those goddamn letters.

She had sent out five. One to James, one to Lily, one to Dirk, one to Remus, and one to Marlene. Emmeline didn’t get to read any of them in full but from what she gathered they all said around the same thing.

I’m leaving the wizarding world. I refuse to put my family in danger. I love you. I will be back once Voldermort is gone.

Upon hearing the news Emmeline had been fearful that Marlene would follow, but instead, she had done the opposite and decided that the sooner the war was over the sooner Mary would come back.

Marlene had pledged her allegiance to the Order the next day.

And now it had been almost two months since the end of the war, and Mary still hadn't come back.

“She must’ve heard,” Hestia said. “It wasn’t like anyone was trying to hide it. There were reports on the muggle news about shooting stars and owls, only an idiot wouldn’t have figured it out.”

“But maybe Mary didn’t see the news,” Xenophilius added. “Did she say where she went?”

All three girls shook their heads. Xenophilius nodded and took another swig of his drink.

“I don’t think she would’ve stayed in England,” Pandora said. “Or anywhere in the UK for that fact. There's no point in running away when the death eaters were attacking up and down the country.”

“Could she have gone to Ireland?”

“No,” Emmeline responded quickly. “No, Ireland wouldn’t be safe. Marlene was from Ireland and she was killed in her childhood home.”

“Who did kill Marlene?” Hestia asked suddenly. 

Emmeline looked at her with furrowed eyebrows. “I don’t know,” she told her in a small voice. “I was never told. I didn’t want to know in all honesty… Didn’t want to do something stupid.”

Hestia let out a small chuckle, “Well that didn’t stop Dorcas did it? From what I heard at least.”

Emmeline’s eyes hardened as Pandora's hand reached out to hold her knee. She was asking her to bite her tongue, to let it go, and maybe if Marlene and Dorcas were alive she would’ve. But neither of them had given their lives to the war for a prat like Hestia Jones to make jokes about it.

“Bold of you to laugh about a war you didn’t fight in,” she said as calmly as she could muster. Emmeline had never liked conflict, she could feel her heart beating out of her chest already. Still, she went on. “Remind me again why you chose to just sit by and watch the world go up in flames.”

Hestia didn’t look phased; like she had been expecting it. “Because I’m not an idiot who will do anything Dumbledore will say,” she said simply.

Emmeline opened her mouth to respond, but Hestia wasn’t done there.

“I understand that some people are so scared of being irrelevant that they will join a war just to make their lives interesting, but unlike you, Vance, I don't need a thumbs up from the Ministry to make me feel good about myself. Because later on tonight while you’re still here finishing off all those drinks you got brought for you I will be home with my very much alive family and friends thanking all the gods above that we didn’t let our egos get us killed.”

Neither girl hesitated when they saw the other move. They both stood up, pushing the table slightly towards each other. Emmeline didn't know if she wanted to hex or hit Hestia, but unfortunately, she didn't get a chance to do either as the moment they stood, Kingsley came back with the drinks.

“You two better not be leaving,” he joked. “These drinks just coast that gentlemen at the bar 15 galleons.”

“No,” Hestia said confidently before sitting back down. “I’m not leaving.”

“Neither am I,” Emmeline added, also sitting down but much more slowly.

“...Okay then,” Kingsley drew out clearly sensing the tension. He put the drinks on the table and also sat down, keeping his usual smile stitched onto his face. “What are we talking about?”

Pandora didn't miss a beat, “Barty Crouch,” she said, quickly adding, “Jr. Have you heard anything on him?”

Emmeline took note of how Pandora’s voice lifted slightly, her eyes were wide as Kingsley shook his head. “No. Why? Should we?”

“Yeah, wasn’t he friends with a bunch of death eaters?” Hestia butted in.

Hex her. Emmeline wanted to hex her. With a really good one too.

Pandora shook her head vigorously as Xenophilius took her hand from beneath the table. “I was friends with him during school, wasn’t I? Was just checking that he was okay, he’s been… quiet.”

“Probably to do with his father,” Kingsley replied and a cheerful tone. “He’s starting up at the Ministry for the new year.”

“But he was friends with a bunch of death eaters,” Hestia repeated. “Shouldn’t you look into that?”

Kingsley shrugged, “I don’t see why. He was a Slytherin he was bound to make friends with death eaters. That doesn’t mean that he’s one, just look at Dorcas and Benjy.”

“Yeah, but Dorcas and Benjy had friends outside of their house, from what I know Barty didn’t.”

“Barty did,” Pandora snapped, her face going bright red. “Barty had me.”

Hestia rolled her eyes but backed off.

They had changed the subject after that, never even mentioning the war again until Hestia, Pandora and Xenophilius had left. Kingsley and Emmeline had attempted to leave at least twice each but every time they went to standup yet another person would come up to them offering to buy them a drink.

It was one in the morning when they finally managed to get out, and despite them heading separate ways, Kingsley insisted on walking her home. 

They walked in silence for the most part, until Emmeline spoke up. 

“Do you regret it?” She asked as they entered her street. “Joining the Order.”

Kingsley shook his head without hesitation, “I helped take down one of the darkest wizards the world has ever seen. I prevented so many deaths that it would be selfish of me to want to take any of it back.” 

Emmeline took his answer to heart. 

Maybe that was why she didn't tell Dumbledore to fuck off when he called her into his office on New Year's eve.

CONTINUE READING ON AO3

#Harry Potter #the marauders #the marauders era #emmeline vance #pandora lovegood #Remus Lupin #wolfstar #Edgar Bones #Mary MacDonald #emmary #barty crouch jr #jily #alice longbottom #Frank Longbottom #James Potter #Lily Evans #regulus black

[startanewdream]

Written for @efkgirldetective's Summer of Jily Prompt #7 (Ice cream + "I don't want anybody else touching you like I do).

Tumblr exclusive at the moment because I don't have a title and the 'happy ending' part of the 'angst with a happy ending' was lost somewhere.

Rated M.

I will love to hear your thoughts about this!

_______________

I.

She is at the end of her round, going towards his cabin—her friends’ cabin, though Lily knows exactly who she is hoping to meet there—when she hears it.

‘—and Potter, what a waste. He won’t ever join him.’

‘We should just wipe him away. Blood traitor, muggle lover—’

‘You mean mudblood lover, Severus?’ Avery’s voice is tinted with malice and there are snickers around. ‘Potter and Evans seem pretty close nowadays. Do you think she gives him everything she denied you?’

‘I would never filth myself,’ comes Snape’s cold reply. ‘If he is tainting his blood, all the worse for him.’

Taint his blood. Is this what Lily’s presence does to James? Is she putting him in a danger he didn’t need to be just by being closer to him?

It’s Snape’s words and she shouldn’t listen to him—the days where she would hear him, would admire him, are long gone—but when she finally reaches the cabin (when James grins at the sight of her, bright and warm, and her heart skips a beat and Lily has to smile back), she sits away from James.

‘Anything wrong?’ he asks, familiar enough to read the tension on her face.

‘No, all normal,’ Lily says, and it’s the first lie.

______

II.

It’s summer and everyone is out of age now and apparating makes things so easy that Lily finds herself less and less at home during that break.

She tells herself it’s because she is avoiding the presence of her sister’s annoying fiance; she blames the fact that Dorcas has a beach house and it’s so much better spending days swimming and tanning; she even goes introspective to blame the pressure of the war looming over them in a way that means she needs to enjoy the last summer break before real life gets them.

But she knows the reason is James.

She finds herself gravitating towards him, unable to resist that attraction even as she knows how dangerous it is for him. Once or twice Lily thinks of telling him about it, of warning how he is stupidly raising his stakes by being near her, but she gives up only for the fact that this (might drive him away and she doesn't want it, not really) would probably just make him want to be even closer to her.

And they are already alarmingly close.

Once Lily would have been repulsed by that idea, but one year later everything has changed—James has changed—and everything about him appeals to her. The way he cares for everyone around him. The way he smiles patiently whenever he is explaining something. The way he grins as if to invite the world to share a great funny joke with him. How he runs his hand through his hair when he’s nervous. How he is so expansive that he seems to occupy any room he is in. How he loves flying, even more than Quidditch, and how relaxed he seems when he is on a broom. How he talks to her, taking it seriously when she needs to and making a joke when things get too serious. How he opens up about his own life and doubts and listens to her.

That would make them friends, really good friends, but then Lily’s heart would not stop racing when he’d touched her hand, or when their knees would bump while sitting closely in the library and then she was forced to note all the physical aspects—the muscles of his arms, the shape of full lips, the line of his jaw, the hazel kaleidoscope of his eyes and how fit he was—and give up any belief her feelings were limited to a friendship.

She fancies him, okay.

Except it’s not okay, because it’s dangerous and by now Lily is positive that James knows it too. Everyone knows it.

They end up together, just the two of them, a lot during that summer. It takes Lily a few days to realize it’s not a coincidence that her interests never align with those of her friends—if she wants to swim, somehow it’s only her and James in the sea; at night, even though it’s still so warm, they are the only ones who venture into the pool for a midnight swim, while the others stay stubbornly indoors.

When Lily suggests going to town to grab an ice cream, somehow James is the only one who is in the mood for it, despite the heat.

It’s not on purpose from his part—at least that’s how Lily sees it—but he isn’t refusing her company either and neither is she refusing his, so James’ boldness flourishes that summer. It’s not cocky as it once would be, it’s just a quiet acceptance that something is finally happening between them as if he never stopped believing it would be possible. Lily feels it when he throws his arm around her shoulders when they are sitting close, almost absently, almost not noticing when Lily lays her head over his shoulder; it’s there when he openly gawks the first time he sees her in a swimming suit, only to be nudged in the ribs by Sirius and then complimenting her ('good thing you wear robes at school, Evans, or there wouldn’t be much schoolwork done'). It’s definitely there when he intertwines their hands, pulling her to the sea with him.

And it’s there when they are sitting closer than they would need for a bench so wide, watching seagulls flying over the sea, each one holding an ice cream.

‘Chocolate chips with chocolate cover and chocolate sprinkles,’ James teases. ‘I think you have an addiction, Lily.’

‘Guilty,’ she replies, not ashamed at all, proving her ice cream and very aware of how James is staring at her. ‘It’s better than asking for vanilla ice cream.’

‘Hey!’ He would look deeply offended if not for the grin on his lips. ‘I’ll let you know vanilla is the best flavour.’

‘Never took you for a vanilla guy, James.’

‘What would take me for? The adventurous gorgeous type?’

Lily laughs, but she doesn’t answer. She doesn’t want to lie to him and deny it.

‘Attractive mysterious type, then?’ he insists. ‘Handsome scoundrel?’

‘I notice your beauty is enhanced a lot.’

‘My beauty? So you admit that I’m beautiful, Evans?’

‘Do I need to? You seem to already know it.’

‘I enjoy hearing you saying all the same,’ he says, and though James shrugs easily she can sense the shift in his eyes, the nervous glint there. ‘That means we would make a beautiful couple.’

‘We would,’ she whispers, still not wanting to lie.

She turns back her attention to the ice cream, already melting under the scorching sun. It makes a mess, and James laughs as she tries to lick the ice cream out of her hands, but then his laugh dies and she watches him swallow slowly, reacting. He always reacts to her.

She licks her lips now, and he also watches this movement, the grin on his face replaced by concentration—no, determination, a fierce look and Lily knows what James will do even before he raises his hand to slide his thumb at the corner of her mouth.

‘You missed here,’ he says, and though he must have wiped off the ice cream already, his caress remains.

His eyes are dark now, even under the sunlight, and he registers how Lily hasn’t stepped back, how she raises her head just the slightest to get closer to him. His gaze strays to her lips, Lily blinks, and then James looks back at her.

‘Lily,’ he says, and it’s a question.

‘James,’ she says, and it’s the only answer she can give him.

His lips find hers and in the bright darkness that surrounds Lily when she closes her eyes, she can see everything in colour. The white of his taste of vanilla. The green of his perfume that reminds her of early mourning in the woods. The brown of his skin as he pulls her closer, one hand holding the back of her neck and the other hand finding hers, locking their fingers together. The red of her blood pumping furiously through her veins, so loud and unstoppable.

And she sees him, messy dark hair, hazel bright eyes, her own sun.

But when they break apart, when she watches him keeping his eyes closed a second longer—savouring it, remembering it—, all that comes to her mind it’s the warning.

Taint his blood.

Her smile falters.

‘James,’ she whispers, all warmth of the day gone, hating everything but herself so much more when he opens his eyes and they are filled with hope. ‘This doesn’t mean anything.’

And this is the second lie she tells him.

___________

III.

Summer is over as far as Lily is concerned, but they still have two weeks in which she forces a smile up to her lips that doesn’t fool anyone.

Everyone knows something happened, though no one knows exactly what, and Lily feels too tired to pretend everything is normal. James barely acknowledges her when they are in the same room, and in the few occasions their eyes meet, there is nothing of that familiarity that he once thrived to share with her. He looks confused and hurt.

Lily could deal with the confusion but she is powerless against the hurt. She is the one who damaged him after all.

Their friends are mostly adamant in letting them deal with the situation, one notable exception being Sirius Black, but Lily didn’t expect anything less from him. He watches her rather resentfully in the first days, and Lily starts looking for excuses to avoid attending the events she had carefully arranged with them (with James, sitting by the edge of the lake, holding a scroll against his back as they wrote everything they would do, laughing and planning and hoping).

The summer days are hot, unbearably hot, and the breeze that comes through the window of her room isn’t enough. She could cast a Cooling Charm, but her wand is far away and the fact that she can cast spells outside school has lost its appeal now. She doesn't even celebrate when her school letter comes with a badge attached to it.

Most of the time Lily just stares at the ceiling of her room, finding patterns in the painting that aren’t really there, too strained and too tired to avoid being even more strained—her mind keeps replaying the moment James leaned closer, the brief moment his breath tingled her skin and the softness of his lips over hers, and Lily has no strength to avoid it. She is addicted to it, to the one thing she had a taste of and cannot have again.

Five days into hiding (she is hiding, Lily won’t deny it), her sister knocks on her door to tell her unceremoniously that one of her freak friends has come to visit her.

‘Hurry, I don’t want Vernon finding him when he arrives,’ Petunia tells her, and Lily ignores her completely.

Him, she said. Him, Lily thinks, and her mind conjures James sitting on the couch of her parents’ living room, a grin on his lips as he charms his way with her parents (he charmed her, Lily doesn’t see what challenge her parents would present), accepting a cup of tea and looking around trying to understand all the muggle contraptions in that muggle house—

Muggle lover. All the worse for him.

She rushes downstairs, her heart pounding on her head, her mouth dry with the excuses she will have to present (go away, just go away) but it’s not James after all.

Sirius looks even more out of place than the James she imagined inside her head, standing with his arms crossed in that pastel living room, and with an unhappy grimace on his lips. He turns at the sound of her, his grey eyes burning disapprovingly—and then, as he stares at her, his expression shifts.

‘You are a mess, Evans.’

Self-consciousness washes over her, and Lily runs her hand through her hair—or tries to, because it gets stuck in the knots of her messy braid. She knows she hasn’t changed clothes ever since she woke up, though it’s nearly midday, so she does the only thing she can: she presses her lips, crosses her arms and tries to look unfazed.

‘I wasn’t expecting a visit,’ she says. It’s summer break, she can do nothing all day.

‘I didn’t even mean your appearance. It was more your… aura.’

‘Aura,’ she repeats, a tiny part of her finding this amusing, but Lily can’t muster strength enough to break a smile. ‘Very mystical, Sirius.’

‘That’s me, master of occult arts. But in this case, I just needed to look at you. You—you look miserable.’

‘Thanks. If that’s all you wanted to say—’

‘Oh, no, I came here to give you a piece of my mind about how you broke my best friend’s heart, but you look somehow worse than him. What’s going on?’

Lily shrugs. ‘Nothing.’

‘So you just decided to play with his feelings and ditch him the moment he corresponded?’

His words are a poison that crawls through her skin, entering it slowly but certain; Lily feels it reaching her bloodstream, spreading through every part of her body, until the poison finds her heart. She thought she was oblivious to pain after the last days, but she was wrong.

‘I wasn’t playing with his feelings,’ she whispers, her voice hoarse, so close to breaking.

‘Then what? I thought—everyone thought—you fancied him too. Merlin, Evans, that boy was in love with you.’

The worst part is that Lily knows it. It was not a play to James, it never was. She saw it in the way his face lighted up at the sight of her, how eager he was to become friends once Lily first extended her peace flag. She saw how his eyes always looked first for her in any room he entered, how he’d find any reason to stay closer.

And she saw everything because she was paying attention.

Of course she was. One does not fall in love also if not paying attention.

‘I don’t know what to say, Sirius,’ Lily says truthfully. ‘I am sorry for all the confusion I’ve caused.’

‘Sorry is not enough.’

‘I know.’

Sirius watches her with something that borders on disappointment now. ‘You better find a way of fixing this, Evans.’

‘I—I don’t know how. I’m trying to keep my distance—’

‘And how is that helping you two?’

It’s not, Lily knows, and that’s the point. She can’t explain to James what is the problem and she is afraid that if she sees him again, if her determination falters her for one second—

‘We are going to have a party tomorrow night,’ Sirius says, his voice leaving no room for argument. ‘Dorcas’ house. It’s a goodbye party, we even invited the muggle neighbours. You’ll come, you’ll find James and you’ll talk. Fix this.’

‘I can’t.’

‘You better find a way, Evans, because that thing of keeping your distance? Well, Hogwarts letter came yesterday. Let me guess, you are Head Girl.’

Lily nods, not understanding where Sirius is heading with this.

‘Guess who’s Head Boy this year?’

____________

Lily hears the music as soon as she disapparates near Dorcas’ house. People, young people around her age, are walking towards the house and she joins the flow letting herself get lost in that stream of people, hoping it’s enough to not draw attention to her presence.

It’s useless. As soon as she crosses the doorway, Dorcas cries for her, her voice louder than the music, and then people look at her curiously.

‘Merlin, Lily!’ Dorcas cries, ignoring everyone in the room to whom that sentence makes no sense. ‘I thought I would need to invade the Prefect’s Cabin to see you again.’

‘Sorry, sorry,’ Lily says, accepting Dorcas’ hug, and using it as an excuse to avoid looking around. ‘I had stuff to do.’

It’s vague, it’s almost a lie, and Dorcas is on the edge of discussing it when Lily says she is going to get a drink, leaving the room.

When she reaches the kitchen, Lily considers that having herself questioned by Dorcas was preferable, because of course she runs into James at the first opportunity.

And of course he already has a company.

He is with his back to her, holding a bottle of beer in his hand while he talks with a pretty dark-haired girl. In another time Lily would find amusing how James obviously has no idea what he’s talking about—muggle rock bands, a subject that Sirius would fare better—, but she can’t break a smile right now, because she sees that James is trying.

That’s what he is doing with that unknown girl. He is making a real effort to keep a conversation, trying to understand what she is saying; he is trying to look interesting, to gather her attention.

Ten days, she thinks selfishly. We kissed ten days ago and I can’t stop thinking about it and you are flirting with another girl.

He must sense her staring; he turns around, and his eyes find her for a brief second before Lily bolts through the door (she is running, and she won’t deny it), grabbing the first bottle she sees on her way out.

Sirius must have lied to her (you broke my best friend’s heart), because James looks normal. Not hurt anymore, just… normal. Not like he used to like her in those first glorious days of the summer—bright and hopeful and awaiting—but as if she is just anyone else. Ordinary.

It’s fair, all things considered. She couldn’t expect him to remain in love with the girl who kissed him then rejected him. But she sees it, clearly as day, what the future holds: James will move on whatever he feels for her (that boy was in love with you) and then he will do with someone else everything he used to do with her—that inviting grins, the glint in his eyes, throwing his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer, so… intimate. Familiar. Hers.

He will share with others what used to be hers.

She leaves the house, in search of a quiet place at the beach to sit on, and looks at the bottle in her hands. Wine. Not good. She will take forever to get drunk on wine and afterwards the headache won’t even be worth it.

But it’s all she has and James is somewhere in that house flirting with a girl (that’s not her) that didn’t reject him and he has every right to do it. Even if it’s a muggle girl. Even if the reason Lily is not with him is that she is muggleborn.

It’s ironic and it’s sad, but it’s not the same. This is a one-night thing. It’s the end of the summer, he’s probably just looking for the last bit of carefree summer adventure as the single guy he is. They will just dance with each other, close together, enjoying their freedom, finding a secluded room, and he will touch the corner of her lips, asking, and she will say yes because that’s the only answer she can give him.

It won’t mean anything, but this time it will be true and this time James won’t get hurt by it.

Maybe Lily should do the same. Not to get even, but to start her own way forward. She can’t be harbouring her feelings for him—wasn’t that the point of not advancing things? Wasn’t that why she lied to him? (That kiss had meant everything)

She takes a sip of the wine, then another and one more for good measure, and she rises, almost colliding with him. Of course.

‘Hey,’ he says awkwardly, arms extended to steady her. It lasts less than a second, but his hands over her arms burn all the same, stronger than the heat any day of that summer.

‘Hi.’

He is looking at a point over her head, unable to meet her eyes, his hand lifting the hair at the back of his head and Lily remembers running her fingers through the strands of his hair while they were kissing, enjoying the fact that for once she was the one messing it.

‘Look, I’m just gonna say it, okay?’ James says in a rush, not as when he is excitedly talking about something he finds interesting. ‘I’m sorry for—for everything.’

Everything. What does it mean?

‘I am too,’ she answers carefully. He takes a deep breath.

‘I heard we are going to be Heads this year—I don’t know what Dumbledore was thinking, really—and I don’t want things to be weird between us.’

Weird. Things were never weird between them before. They weren’t friends, then Lily barely stood him, then they were acquaintances, then they were friends, then they were flirting with each other and then they were so close to something.

But never weird.

Somehow this notion helps to clear the fog in her head.

‘I don’t want it either,’ Lily says, and there is no doubt in her voice. James seems to breathe again with her words.

‘Good.’ There is a moment of silence. ‘Can we forget everything and go back to being just friends?’

Lily steels herself. She takes a look at James’ face—his eyes are on her forehead now, almost meeting her eyes but not yet ready—, one last look to admire him in the darkness of the beach and she is not lying when she says: ‘We can.’

By the end of the night it will be a lie, though, and that’s number three.

___________

They are trying and because no one tries better than James Potter, they are almost achieving it.

They go back to the house, keeping a safe distance between them so no one could misinterpret it, but whatever their friends see in their faces seems to relax everyone. Lily and James are fine, they believe, they are over that weird thing between them, and Lily starts believing it too.

She can do it.

A bottle of gin finds its way towards her group and the music is exciting. It’s a party, she is on a party, and it’s easy to join Dorcas in the middle of a dance, and it’s even easier when Dorcas is replaced by a cute muggle boy who doesn’t look anything like James (that’s why it’s easier—it takes only one second for her to look for any similarity and find none and it’s so easy).

She wonders if that’s why James was talking to that dark-haired girl. If he was avoiding finding Lily in someone else too.

But that’s a bad thought, it’s not a thought of someone who’s trying (and Lily is, she swears), so she accepts his arms, let who-knows-his-name twirl her around the room, but when he leans in to kiss her, she laughs and diverts—she is trying, but it takes small steps, so she says something about getting another drink and goes to the next room.

That’s a mistake.

A big, big mistake.

She finds them sitting close together on a couch that should only fit one, joining some silly drinking game. His arm is around her shoulders, holding a glass that’s nearly finished; they are laughing and as Lily watches it, the girl leans closer to speak something in his ear, her hand playing with the curls of his hair as she speaks. It takes a full second, but he grins, turning to her and winking.

It could be nothing, it could be just some joke, but it’s not harmless, Lily knows it. It’s a flirt, and James has every right to do it; he is free and Lily has just told him they can be friends. Friends don’t get jealous. Friends don’t get their hearts ripped out with the sight of the other smiling happily at someone else.

Lily can’t do it at all.

So she turns away and runs once more (she’s getting quite good at it by now), sprinting upstairs in search of an empty room, somewhere where she can rest until she can breathe again, until she can rearrange her expression into something normal enough for her to come back to the party, find that blond guy who is not James and enjoy her summer break as he is doing right now.

Until she can pretend everything is normal.

‘Lily?’

His voice breaks the silence of that room—though Lily knows she would have heard it anyway—and it sends a wave of panic through her body. She is not ready. She can’t look at him and still keep her promise.

James doesn’t know about her troubles—he is trying after all, and he is so much better at this than Lily will ever be—so he walks towards her, takes a look at her face and kneels in front of her.

‘Are you okay?’

‘No,’ she says, unable to lie. He would see through her anyway.

‘I saw you leaving—what happened?’

‘I need more time. I can’t...’

‘Can’t what?’ She doesn’t answer. James sighs. ‘Are you drunk? Come on, rest a little, I will bring you some water—’

‘I’m not drunk,’ Lily says. Another truth. ‘I just need—I want—’

‘What?’

In answer, she raises her hand and lets her fingers comb his hair. He shivers, his breath catching, his eyes widening and he holds her arm to stop the movement. Nervous. Insecure. She can’t fault him. They’ve been there before, at the edge of something, and she accepted only to turn him away a second later.

‘What are you doing?’

It’s a demand more than a question, and Lily attends it. ‘I don’t want anybody else touching you like I do. It’s mine.’

Her voice is ferocious and unfair and Lily waits for his cold reply, the one she deserves—she has no right to claim any part of him—, but it never comes. Instead, James blinks.

‘Then take it,’ he challenges. Lily does.

Her lips crash over his, and this time is not soft or patient. It’s desperate and when she tastes the whiskey in his mouth, she understands the difference and gladly accepts it. His hands are everywhere—holding her waist, climbing under her skirt, running through her hair to pull her closer—but what somehow stays with her it’s the moment he closes the door and then they are alone and the darkness is their friend.

The darkness makes it easy, embarrassingly easy, for her to break the kiss enough to lift his shirt and for him to slide her dress down and for them to find their way to the bed. He holds her, his lips incessantly, and a part of Lily wonders if he doesn’t want to break apart for fear of what happened the last time he did it.

But the majority of her is too wrapped in the feelings he is bringing to worry about anything. She accepts him, accepts every caress he distributes openly, and returns it eagerly. She tastes the saltiness of his skin, feels every muscle of his chest—the ones she has memorized after so many days at the beach though she had only imagined how they would feel under her fingers—, presses herself closer to him. His hands are exploring her—he saw her at the beach too—and then his mouth replaces his hands and the moan that escapes her lips is true.

She pulls him up, tasting her own sweat on his lips—it was a warm day and it’s a warmer night—and her hands work on the button of his jeans. There is a moment of hesitation—he breaks away, his eyes boring into hers even as the darkness barely allows them to see each other—and then it’s gone. He pulls her last piece of cloth then stands up long enough to take out his last one and then there is only them.

Only Lily and James, except they don’t feel like two anymore. They are one and in the darkness, Lily sees those colours that are so James once more, fireworks whose sounds are moans and short breaths and names whispered so low that the other could pretend they didn’t hear.

But Lily hears it and it’s hers. He is hers for that moment and she is his.

She lied before (and now she knows it). She can’t forget him. She can’t be just friends. James is bright sunny days, cosy cold nights and she longs to share it all with him (she couldn’t, but her mind can’t recall why right now). She locks her hand with his, her nails burying into his skin, and Lily doesn’t want to let go.

He holds her hand, pressing it so hard that she can’t feel circulation there anymore, and then he cries her name, this time impossible to deny it. He called her.

It’s not the last time he will do it tonight. He presses another kiss to her lips—it’s feverish and urgent and somehow even more desperate than the first one—, rests his forehead against her catching his breath and Lily enjoys the moment, enjoys that pleasure and soreness that runs through her body, enjoys how her chest brushes against his as she breathes, slower each time, recovering.

Recover. As if she could.

James breaks apart, rolling to the side and for a moment there is silence, the music distant, the world distant until it’s not anymore, until the world seems too close and the air too heavy, not one breeze to refresh it. Lily thinks of opening the window—it’s already opened, the wind bringing the smell of the sea to the room—when she realizes it’s not the air that feels wrong.

It’s them. No, it’s him.

‘James,’ she calls, panic and fear trembling her voice, coldness spreading through her skin in a way that it should not be possible, not on this summer day.

She can hear him rising from the bed, grabbing his clothes.

‘Lily,’ he answers shortly, opening briefly the door and she can’t see his face. ‘I know, it doesn’t mean anything.’

And that’s James Potter's first lie.

#Summer of Jily #efkgirldetective #Jily #Jily Fanfiction #James and Lily #read it like the first chapter but don't wait for the second one #i wrote this in one go because it couldn't leave my mind

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Revelation

Harry Potter Marauders Era-post Hogwarts 

Summary:  After James and Lily's deaths, you have to face secrets from your past. Secrets that caused a lot of pain are going to be brought back from the furthest corners of your heart. You have to learn to care for your nephew in the midst of a war that no one wants to deal with.

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: M- sensitive themes 

Shout out to @regulusheadcanons for some kick ass ideas

________

Home again...it should be a happy occasion but it wasn’t. You had received word from Sirius that James and Lily had been killed. Your older brother and sunny sister-in-law and best friend were gone and your sweet nephew was an orphan.

Y/n, I have Harry but I need your help. Remus and I need you and you’ll need your family in the coming days. Please come home.”

You had read the letter multiple times on the flight from the US back to the UK and felt even more guilty with each second. If you had just stayed home and didn’t run off to the state after your break up with Regulus; maybe James and Lily would still be alive.

Whether you were home or away if James and Lily were destined to die it would happen.

Remus’ words came back to you from the night before. You had spent an hour before bed last night crying to Remus over the phone. As usual, Remus was the one person that could calm you down. It could have been Regulus but he totally shot that to hell.

Regulus was still a sore subject for you...a secretive sore subject. The two of you had dated “in private” since the fifth year. You thought that the two of you were in love but Regulus wasn’t ready to “let his parents down.” Those were his words, not yours. You were under the impression that after graduation the two of you would begin a life together as Jams and Lily did. When Regulus ended the relationship because he knew that his parents wouldn’t support it. There was no way that Walburga and Orion Black would be happy with their heir dating a Potter that was in Gryffindor.

To deal with the pain of the breakup, you packed a bag and took off to America. You had left your brother and close friends in a state of confusion. They couldn’t wrap their minds around why you would just vanish in the middle of the night with literally no explanation. You played it off as some kind of “getting to know yourself” adventure and everyone seemed to believe it.

Now here you were going back home to rejoin the order that Regulus was apparently now a part of. You were trying to think of ways that you would be able to be in the same room with him and not act as if the two of you once had a passion-fueled relationship. Did you still have feelings for Regulus? Yes, you knew that there was no sense in denying it. You also knew the first time that you laid eyes on him all of those feelings would multiply...I’m screwed.

(1 hour later)

Regulus stood beside Sirius and Remus waiting for your plane to land. He had no idea what he was doing by tagging along with his brother but here he was.

You’re here because you love Y/n and are desperate to see her. You want to tell her that you were a fool for not manning up and telling mum and dad to bugger off.

Regulus thought as he tried to calm himself. The thoughts were truthful. He never should have let his family’s reputation affect his decision on how he handled the relationship that he valued the most...but he did. Now here Regulus stood a miserable lonely bastard with a brand on his left arm that he couldn’t get off.

Life sucks.

He had no family, no prospects of a successful future, and no lover. The life that Regulus knew so well had gone down the all-mighty porcelain shit hole in the course of one year. After finding out that her “heir” switched sides, Walburga banished Regulus from the family. Lucky for him, Regulus drained his Gringotts vault before his mother could leave him poor and penniless. Regulus could deal with the whole not having a successful future part. Working for the order should provide him some kind of satisfaction (eventually...maybe) The not having a lover part was the worst of all the three.

Regulus hated the way that he felt over the past year that you had been gone. He had attempted to date other girls but it always went south. There was something wrong with every girl that Regulus went out with.

This one talks too much.

This one has no personality.

This one bit me when giving me a blowjob.

None of them was the one girl that he wanted the most. Not one of the girls was the one that Regulus knew...the one that he loved.

“Hey grumpy, are you okay over there?”

Regulus looked up when Sirius spoke. Rolling his eyes, Regulus turned to face his brother with a sneer.

“He’s so charming.”

Sirius said with a smirk as he elbowed Remus in the side. Remus was used to the banter between Sirius and Regulus. It was mostly Sirius nagging Regulus and Regulus either rolling his eyes or calling Sirius a twat.

“There’s Y/n.”

Sirius quickly said before walking out into the aisle. He smiled as you finally met his gaze. You quickly threw your bag down before running to Sirius and jumping in his arms. What you didn’t see was Regulus watching the whole thing with a furiously jealous expression on his face.

Is there something that I’m missing? Of course, she likes Sirius. Why wouldn’t she? He is sooo good looking! He has such a charming attitude.

Regulus thought bitterly as Sirius held you a little longer than necessary. Were the two of you in some kind of relationship that Regulus didn’t know about and if so why hadn’t Sirius mentioned it? Regulus would go ape shit if the two of you were dating...you were his...used to be his.

What Regulus didn’t know was the hug was purely therapeutic and comforting for the both of you. Sirius needed you as much as you needed him (in a strictly platonic way). You were as good as a little sister to Sirius and seeing you after James and Lily’s death soothing. Sirius knew that you needed the support as much as he did.

Sirius didn’t want to think about the fact that Harry and yourself were the only Potter left now. His “new” family has quickly diminished before his eyes. Sirius had been so thrilled to finally have a family that loved him and now it was mostly gone. In Sirius’ mind, he had already made a personal pledge to make sure that nothing happened to you. He would make sure that both Harry and yourself were safe until the day that he died.

You let yourself slide out of Sirius’ arms as he smiled down at you. This was the first that either of you had smiled in a few days.

“Look at you. One year across the pond and you are still as adorable as when you left.”

Sirius said with a smile You rolled your eyes. This was typically Sirius Black. He always knew how to say something to make even the worst situations a bit better.

“And you always know what to say. It's good to see you...especially now.”

Sirius nodded, his face darkening. It was no secret to the two of you that the days ahead would be some of the darkest of your lives. Sirius pulled you into another hug. Pressing a kiss to the top of your head Sirius had to fight his own tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes.

“We are going to make it. We have to for Harry.”

You nodded in agreement. James and Lily made it clear that if anything should happen to them, they wanted Sirius and yourself to take care of Harry. The two of you, a couple or not, were the ones that would be the best fit to care for and love their son the most.

“We’ve got this.”

You said in agreement. Both Sirius and yourself sucked at making your true feelings known. It would be easier to say that the two of you were devastated and didn’t know how life would ever go back to normal...but you wouldn't...you couldn’t.

Sirius finally let you go before wrapping an arm around your waist.

“I have a surprise for you. I dragged Remus along with my grumpy brother. Don’t mind him, he just hates everyone equally.”

The moment that you looked up and locked eyes with Regulus, your mouth dropped. There he stood...he was so close that you could run to him.

He hurt you. He doesn’t deserve a moment of your time. Kick him in the shins if he tries anything.

The sassy voice in your head picked up as your brain went into over-protection mode. As much as you wanted to hug Regulus, you weren't. You would admire him from afar.

“Hello, Regulus.”

He nodded, not saying anything. Regulus had a feeling that if he spoke, feelings that he didn’t want Sirius or Remus to know would spill out. He would look like a fool in the middle of the airport.

Regulus wanted nothing more than to tell you that he had changed. He wasn’t the man that he used to be. If you would just give him a chance, he could prove it...or was he too late. Had Sirius stolen you from him for good? Would Regulus be able to watch the two of you as a couple? Hell no! Regulus would rather be killed or just die in some tragic way than watch you be his brother’s lover.

Sometimes dead is better.

Before Regulus was able to make a comment, Remus stepped in and pulled you into a hug. Regulus put his head down with an insolent frown. What he didn’t see was Sirius watching him with a suspicious frown. Why did Regulus suddenly look like a jealous lover?

Arriving back to Sirius’ house, you were thrilled to automatically be greeted by Marlene and Dorcas. Both of your friends took turns hugging you and cradling you like a baby.

“You look so pretty! Dorcas, doesn’t she look pretty?”

Marlene squealed. Dorcas nodded.

“Of course, she looks pretty. We’ve missed your face.”

“Um, you two are kind of hurting my face.”

You squeaked. Both Dorcas and Marlene backed away as Sirius stepped into the room with Harry in his arms. Your happy smile faded as you laid your eyes on your nephew that looked so much like his father.

Sirius smiled as he placed the baby boy in your arms.

“Harry, say hello to your aunty Y/n. She’s a doll, huh?”

Sirius smirked as he noticed Regulus step into the room. The younger brother immediately locked his eyes on you.

Crap….

He was dreading the moment that you met your nephew for the first time. Regulus dreaded seeing your tears and here you were cuddling the baby with tears in your eyes. He hated it even more that he couldn’t comfort you like he used to. When something was bothering you before, Regulus took care of it. He knew how to make everything better. Whether it be simply cuddling you, kicking someone’s ass in “secret”, or physical comfort...Regulus did it.

“Uh oh, I think someone needs a change.”

You stated, pulling Regulus from his thoughts. Sirius pointed to the little bedroom off of the kitchen.

“That’s his room. Feel free to do whatever you need to. I normally put him down for a nap about this time.”

You walked from the room with a smile leaving Sirius and Regulus alone in the kitchen.

The moment that you were gone, Regulus sat down at the table and reached for the newspaper in front of him. Sirius, meanwhile, decided to ask questions about his suspicions.

“So, Reg, I have a curious question.”

Regulus didn’t look up from the newspaper. His dark eyes were focused on reading. The less that he had to deal with his brother the better off he was. He was too busy trying to control his emotions over you and didn’t have the strength or patience to deal with Sirius and his nonsense.

“The answer is yellow and you are not a woman.”

Regulus replied with a small smirk. Sirius gave his brother an annoyed sneer.

“I’m aware of that fact and I have no idea what yellow has to do with anything. My question is what happened between Y/n and yourself?”

Regulus looked up, obviously surprised.

“Excuse me?”

Sirius glanced over his shoulder to make sure that you weren’t listening.

“I saw how the two of you look at each other.”

Regulus resumed his “cool as a cucumber” attitude. Turning the page of the newspaper, he went back to reading.

“I should ask you the same question.”

It was Sirius’ turn to look confused.

“Huh?”

Regulus snorted.

“The way that you two go gaga over each other. It's disgusting. I wish James would come back from the dead to kick your ass.”

Sirius blinked. The way that the two of you acted at the airport was typical “Sirius and Y/n” behavior. Anyone that knew the two of you would agree to that. It was playful fun between friends. Sirius didn’t look at you like…

Oh my god, Regulus is hot for Y/n!

Sirius’ mouth dropped at the thought. He quickly pointed at his little brother.

“You like her! Have you two...done dirty things?”

Regulus looked up. He placed his elbows on the table to place his chin on his hands.

“To answer your question, yes we have done dirty things. If you think that you are going to be half the lover to her that I was, you are sadly mistaken. I bet she hasn’t called you daddy before.”

The words left Regulus’ mouth before he could really think about what he said. Normally, Regulus typically was very calculating with what he said. This comment, however, just came out leaving Regulus feeling like a jealous 13-year-old girl who was deciding who could sit with him at lunch and who couldn’t.

“Huh?”

Sirius questioned. Regulus didn’t blink or move.

“What?”

Regulus replied, with a sneaky smirk. Sirius, meanwhile, stood with his mouth wide open as he realized exactly what his brother said. Regulus didn’t make any facial expression as Sirius scratched his head. How long had you been sleeping with Regulus? When did this happen and where was Sirius? How did he not pick up on this and you called Regulus “daddy.”

Sirius would never think about his little brother in that particular context. He still saw Regulus as his innocent quiet brother who he assumed was still a virgin but obviously wasn’t (and he was apparently good at doing the “deed.”)

Regulus-fucking-Black is a kinky dude... it's always the quiet ones.

Sirius thought before speaking gibberish when he tried to question his brother on when and where this all started and how did he miss the memo?

“Y-wh-she-where…”

Regulus smirked before going back to his newspaper leaving his brother to question everything about a world that he thought he knew so well. He only looked up again when you stepped into the room with Remus behind you. The two of you were talking quietly and stopped at Sirius’ strange actions.

“Sirius, what’s wrong?”

Remus questioned as you looked between both brothers. Sirius motioned to Regulus then to you and uttered a strange slew of words that were mixed together so much that no one could understand. Had you not been so confused, you would have found Sirius’ over the top dramatic motions to Remus amusing. He clearly expected Remus to understand what he was talking about but Remus just blinked and scratched his head.

“Uh-huh.”

Remus politely replied and decided that he was not going to try to decipher what Sirius was freaking out for the moment. Once Sirius got himself together, Remus was sure that he would hear about whatever it was.

Regulus stood up with a pleased smile on his face.

“My work here is done.”

You had a feeling on what happened. Sirius was just let in on the “big secret” and was having the reaction that you expected. If James was still alive he would either be doing the same thing or he would have Regulus in a headlock...it would be a real toss-up. Hopefully, somewhere in heaven, your brother wasn’t giving Lily too hard of a time.

Waiting a moment longer, you turned and followed Regulus outside onto the front step. He was in the middle of lighting a cigarette when you stepped out with no coat on. Rolling his eyes, he didn’t want to let his attention linger too long but couldn’t help it.

“Go back inside. It's cold out here.”

Regulus commented. He felt bad that the first thing that he said to you was an order. The last thing that he wanted was for you to get ill. You crossed your arms over your chest as the cold autumn air surrounded you.

“So the first words that you say to me is an order. Is that how it's going to be?”

You questioned as Regulus took a drag on the cigarette before turning back to you. He groaned before tossing the half-smoked cigarette into the waiting ashtray. Pulling his coat off he gently wrapped it around your shoulders.

You were clearly surprised by his action. Surprised and heartbroken was the exact feelings that you had going through you. The coat smelled just like Regulus always had from the time that you had gotten to know him. That comforting scent that always made your overly anxious nerves relax anytime that he was near you.

“Um...sorry. Hello, sorry that I’m an ass.”

Regulus offered, clearly confused as to what you wanted from him. You sighed.

“You told Sirius about our relationship didn’t you?”

Regulus shook his head.

“Not exactly. He asked if we did dirty things and I simply said that I bet you haven’t called him daddy before.”

All of the thoughts came to a screeching halt in your mind. Regulus had actually said that to Sirius and now Sirius knew! You blushed at the realization that you would have to explain this to Sirius soon. There was also the annoyance that Regulus didn’t seem to mind letting his brother in on the secret but he couldn't open his mouth to his parents. Maybe you were right all along? Perhaps the relationship was just about the sex to Regulus and when he said “I love you” he didn’t really mean it.

“You’re comfortable telling Sirius what we do in the bedroom but you don’t have the balls to tell your parents anything...lovely.”

Regulus’ face was unreadable for a moment.

“I don’t talk to my parents anymore. You would have known that if you hadn’t run off to America.”

“You broke up with me. I had nothing to stay for. As far as I knew, you were stuck on being a death eater and wanted nothing more to do with me. Did you honestly think that I was going to wait around for you to walk all over me again? I’m not dirt under your shoe just because I am not some member of some super elite club of pureblood morons.”

Regulus didn’t expect the venom to ooze out of your mouth the way that it did. Now here he stood looking at you with an annoyed expression.

“It looks like you’ve moved on just fine with my brother.”

You laughed at that comment...hard.

“Sirius and I? Wow, you must really be fucked in the head if you think that I would date someone who is like another brother to me.”

“I'm fucked in the head? Did you really say that?”

Regulus snapped. You nodded.

“Yep. Sure did. You know what, maybe I should date Sirius. At least, he was there for me. He wanted to make sure that I was okay and even offered to come to America to get me. You didn’t. In this whole year that we have been broken up, how many times have you tried to contact me? I’ll answer that...none. All that I have to say to you is, Regulus Black you aren’t getting your coat back.”

You turned on your head storming in the house and slamming the door behind you. Regulus stood looking at the place that you once stood with an annoyed frown.

“Fuck!

________

@amelie-black @regulusheadcanons @truly-insatiable @fandomsxxregulus @realgaytrash @quuenofblacks @lucasfilms77 @fific7 @hazncalsgal @teletubiswszpilkach @exhsle @acciosiriusblack @whymyparentscheckmyphone @criminalyetminimal @bennyberry @mimisparkle12 @jessyballet @knreidy1 @rubyroscoe1 @spiderxalmighty @brokencasbutt67-writer @authoressskr @fandom-trash-worth-it @summer-novak @hankypranky @emiwrites3reads @shaylybaby2032 @li0nh34rt @tas898 @stuckinsaudi1 @untoldshortsofthefandoms @sprnaturallover @deanwherescas @wontlookaway @shitfaceddaniel @mycuddlycorner @marichromatic

#Regulus Black #Regulus Black x Reader #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #James Potter #Lily Evans #marlene mckinnon #dorcas meadowes #Evan Rosier #timothee chalamet as regulus black #ben barnes as sirius black #aaron taylor johnson as james potter #andrew garfield as remus lupin #regulus x reader #reader x regulus #walburga black #orion black #the ancient and noble house of black #the potter family #Euphemia Potter #Fleamont Potter #Harry Potter #potter sister reader #eventual smut #sensitive themes warning #regulus arcturus black #sirius orion black #Revelation #Revelation chapter 1 #another series

[pleaseleavemetowrite]

Potions Class | Sirius Black

reader has she/her pronouns but there's nothing that explicitly states the reader's gender apart from that. Also this is my first Marauders era fic so please give me feedback and stuff!

Requested: yes/no

requests are open!

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Summary: In which Sirius unintentionally falls for a half-blood he met during potions class.

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(Y/n) will never forget the day she became friends with Sirius Black. It was their fifth year and (Y/n) knew who Sirius and the rest of the Marauders were, they were practically unavoidable but it's only highlighted when you're in Gryffindor. However, just because everyone knew them, this doesn't mean they really knew anyone besides who they chose to. So, when Slughorn practically insisted on assigning partners for a potions project, (Y/n) and Sirius finally became (formally) introduced.

(Y/n) could practically feel the mild level of annoyance in the air around them and Sirius, she wasn't sure if she should be offended or not. It seemed to feel like she was unable to tell if it was being paired up with her or being assigned a partner in general that bothered Sirius. But, (Y/n) wasn't one to pry and just left him to do his thing while she read over the potion instructions. Once she finished, she finally made an attempt to talk to Sirius.

"Hey, can you go get this list of ingredients while I prep the cauldron, the quicker we get this done, the quicker you can go back to ignoring my existence." Her tone came off as more passive-aggressive then intended when they passed Sirius the small list of ingredients she had written out. But it seemed to work as he wordlessly took the list and left (Y/n) alone to relax her shoulders and gently roll them back before preparing the cauldron. And before she knew it, he was back. He seemed less annoyed then before but not happy either, it was a neutral medium of indifference but (Y/n) couldn't really blame him, she wasn't exactly thrilled to find out she had to work with Sirius.

(Y/n) began the process of chopping, crushing and measuring the ingredients for the potion when Sirius spoke up. "So...you come here often?" (Y/n) had an expression of mild amusement as she gave him a look to say really? Sirius lightly shook his head laughing, "Well what do you want me to say? We don't exactly know each other" (Y/n) breathed out a laugh as she replied, "Maybe not "you come here often" when we are literally in a classroom." Her tone was light-hearted as the potion suddenly became irrelevant. Sirius seemed to share the same idea as he slightly moved closer to (Y/n), leaning on the worktop. "So, tell me about yourself." He sounded genuinely interested, and while (Y/n) knew of his reputation she couldn't help but begin to tell him anything and everything that came to mind.

She told him all about her muggle friends at home, how hard it is to tell them that she isn't ignoring them she just goes to a "strict boarding school." and how her mum used to always take her to park after Primary School if she had been good, since she seemed to always "accidently" cause trouble by making a mess or being somewhere she wasn't allowed to because she couldn't control her magic yet. She told him about the book her aunt would read to her about a puddle duck named Jemima. and although (Y/n) was sure Sirius had stopped listening long ago, he hadn't. He hung onto every word of every story. In return, he would tell her stories about the backstories and reasoning of some of their most infamous pranks around school, and about some of James' more outlandish ways of confessing to Lily.

Before either of them knew it, the lesson was almost over, and Slughorn was assessing their potions. Suddenly, all their laughter ceased as they locked eyes and just began throwing random things into the cauldron and stirring it in hopes of something. However, it seemed like this wasn't the best idea as the concoction before them exploded right as Slughorn walked over. Successfully earning themselves detentions of organising the store rooms and cleaning the classroom for a few days. But neither of them could contain their laughter as their stupid idea literally blew up in their faces. In her laughter, (Y/n) tripped over her own robes and fell onto Sirius, who luckily caught her, but it only made them both laugh harder. Slughorn was fed up and dismissed them early so they could, "compose themselves." (Y/n) caught her breath and adjusted her robes as Sirius asked, "Where have you been all my life?" (Y/n) responded sarcastically, "What literally or...? Because if so up until 1st year I was in the muggle world. and past then, I was literally right in front of you." Sirius lightly rolled his eyes at her response.

"This was our last lesson, so do you want to walk back to the common room?" Sirius asked her, (Y/n) agreed. The pair made light conversation, exchanging stories and joking. Until they reached the common room as they realised they had to part and go to their respective friendship groups, with Sirius obviously with James, Remus and Peter and (Y/n) with Lily, Alice and Dorcas. It would be strange for Sirius to join (Y/n) and (Y/n) wasn't going to just leave her friends the second someone else gives her attention. The pair settled on just saying they would see each other later at dinner. But before they parted Sirius asked, "If your Evans' friend, how come I hardly knew you." "Because you only knew me as "Evans' friend"." (Y/n) then proceeded to give Sirius one last smile before Alice walked in and (Y/n) left with her. Leaving Sirius to think over what she had said.

The worst part was the longer he thought about it, the more he realised she was right, he had never thought to think past her being friends with Lily.

The thought stayed on the back of Sirius' mind as he went about his afternoon and early evening as he would on any ordinary day. After they had both finished, Sirius and (Y/n) walked down to the dungeons to organise the stores rooms as Slughorn had ordered them to. The walk was quiet and (Y/n) was growing uncomfortable with it and spoke up, "Hey, about earlier. What I said was rude and-" "What are you talking about, you were right." Sirius cut off and paused before continuing, "I won't lie what you said did bother me, but not because it was rude. It's because you were right. I never did think to look past the fact you're Evans' friend. I did the others and I just assumed you were like them, and no offence to them but they aren't really my type of people and-" "Sirius it's fine, I get it, really. I would be a hypocrite if I said I had never only saw you as what your reputation made you out to be." The both were now stuck in a limbo where neither of them had an issue with other but neither had anything to say.

So they laughed, they laughed all the way down to the store room. "What are we laughing about?" "The fact that we were both wrong." Their laughter died down as they entered the store room. "What a tip! No wonder it needs cleaning, no one's even thought about organising anything since 1896." (Y/n) sounded annoyed and almost astounded about how disorganised the room was and wondered how Slughorn even found anything they needed for lessons.

Sirius seemed amused by (Y/n) apparent distress at the state of the room and threw his arm around her shoulders and said in a teasing tone, "You were around in 1896 well you don't look a day over 50." (Y/n) rolled her eyes but didn't remove his arm. It was almost comforting to smell his cologne and how it mixed with smell of firewood that followed him and the dust in the air. Sirius also made no attempt to remove his arm as he could smell the lingering tones of her perfume and the muggle bubble-gum she had showed him earlier.

"Well you two better get to work you have a lot to do." The pair were snapped out of their daydreams by Slughorn suddenly entering and upon seeing the position they were in, he gave Sirius the task of bringing the boxes of the highest shelf and (Y/n) to begin to organise the ones on the bottom shelf. This seemed like an attempt to physically separate the two.

The first ten minuets were productive, mainly because they didn't want Slughorn to walk in again and deem that they weren't working hard enough. But all it took was Sirius either accidently or purposely nearly dropping a box of ingredients to make the pair start talking and joking around again. As the monotonous and tiresome work progressed, the two were becoming increasingly aware of how much they really did enjoy each other's company, even if they were in a somewhat cramped and definitely dusty potions store room.

It past curfew when they had finished so they didn't dawdle in the halls, as much as Sirius could probably get away with it, neither of them were willing to risk it after the mind-numbing task they had of alphabetising the store room. Once they reached the common room, they both collapsed onto the sofa as their exhaustion set in. "At least it's only cleaning for our next few, and not that. " (Y/n) tried to joke but her eyes were dropping by the second, Sirius seemed to notice this, "At least go to bed before falling asleep, these sofas aren't comfortable enough to sleep on, trust me." (Y/n) weakly nodded and muttered a small goodnight to Sirius as she borderline dragged herself up the stairs to her dorm.

In the following weeks, (Y/n) and Sirius spent more and more time together, not just in detention or class but outside of class as well. Somewhere along the way, their feelings for each other had manifested into something more. The lingering eye contact felt more intimate and when their hands brushed it felt like butterflies had swarmed into their vicinity and sent nerves down their backs. Although, it was obvious to everyone but them that they liked each other as something more, they were both adamant that their feelings were not reciprocated.

It wasn't until their final detention together that their friends decided enough was enough and took matters into their own hands, as it seems they had also grown closer based on their shared feelings of frustration of their respective friend's obliviousness. Lily and Remus worked together to quickly had Amortentia brewed quickly enough so that it would be in the potions room and James used his cloak to hide in the hallway while Alice and Dorcas distracted Slughorn long enough for him to not notice James tampering with the lock on the door.

(Y/n) and Sirius entered the room and closed the door, and that signified the success of their friend's plans. They both started with the first part of the routine they had curated for themselves from previous detentions. They began with clearing the desks, cleaning off any mess made, putting away the equipment used and then making their way to the unfinished potions at the back. The routine was simple but effective since they couldn't use magic to speed any of the process up. They went about the routine like they had all the previous sessions, making jokes and just talking.

Until they reached the potions and (Y/n) suddenly began to smell Sirius' cologne, it was unmissable for her, it reminded her of the boy she had unintentionally fallen for. But then the smell began to mix with the smell of butterbeer and the common room. "Really Sirius? Did you have to spray your cologne now? It's so bloody strong." Then without missing a beat, Sirius responded, "Says you I can smell your perfume from here, and that gum you keep complaining about because your mum won't send you more."

There was a silence that weighed in the air, as both of them were processing what this meant. Then it simultaneously dawned on them, Amortentia. Without any hesitation, they met in the middle of the room and pressed their lips together. The kiss was gentle but passionate, it release all the longing and yearning they had been holding for so long.

They then broke away from each other and smiled, relieved that they no longer had to hold the dread of fearing rejection.

"Sirius?" "Yeah?" "The quicker we get this done, the quicker you can go back to ignoring my existence." Sirius smiled upon hearing the passive-aggressive statement before replying, "You can't get away from me that easily, love."

#sirius orion black #sirius black #sirius x reader #sirius x y/n #sirius x you #sirius imagine #maraduers

[marauders-venting]

Our Last Summer (Part 2)

pairing: wolfstar (sirius x remus)

genre: fluff & angst

warnings: mentions of death and disappearances, hints at sex

words: 1789

note: based on the song ‘Our Last Summer’ by ABBA

We made our way along the river and we sat down in the grass by the Eiffel tower. I was so happy we had met, it was the age of no regret, oh yes

“Come on, it’s the last Hogsmeade visit we’ll ever have!” Dorcas said. “You have to get in.” Remus sat outside the water of the shallow river.

“You know we can come back to visit Hogsmeade right?” Remus said. “It’s a village, not part of Hogwarts.”

“Ugh you know what I mean,” they said. “Just come inside, Remus, it’s fun.” She reached to pull his foot in but Remus was too quick for her and his foot slipped out of their grasp.

“Moony, just come in,” James said. “It’s really hot outside anyway and the water is nice.”

“If you don’t come in we’ll splash you,” Peter warned him.

“Guys, leave him alone,” Sirius said. He had taken his shirt off (surprise surprise) and left it outside on the grass. Remus was finding it very difficult to focus on anything else. “If he doesn’t want to come in he doesn’t have to.” Maybe if Remus was less focused on the fact that Sirius was half-naked he would’ve noticed the mischievous twinkle in his grey eyes or the smirk playing on his lips. Sirius came out of the water and sat beside Remus. He waited for maybe two seconds before pushing him into the water. Remus sat in the river, spluttering and wiping water out of his eyes.

“Thanks for that,” he said to Sirius.

“Anytime, babe,” Sirius said, rejoining everybody in the water. “You’re too trusting, Moons.”

“That’s a first,” Remus muttered.

“Oh lighten up, Remus,” Lily said, splashing him with water. “It’s fun.” Remus splashed her back and soon enough a water fight broke out (as they do).

To an outsider, it would have been unclear who won but James, Sirius, Remus, Lily and Marlene would all claim that the victory had been their own. Either way, by the end everybody was soaked from head to toe.

“Let’s go get food,” Sirius said.

“I’ll come with you, I’m starving,” James said. They climbed out of the water and began drying themselves with their wands.

“Wait,” Lily said, climbing out of the water as well. “Don’t waste money on food while we still get free food from the school. We raided the kitchens this morning.” She opened her bag to reveal loaves of bread and spreads.

“Wow,” James said. “I’m impressed, Evans. I didn’t know you had it in you, being Head Girl and all.”

“Right, like you haven’t done this a million times and you’re Head Boy,” Lily said, blushing a bit. “And Remus was a prefect and he’s done it plenty of times too.”

“Who’s ‘we’?” Sirius asked, eyebrows raised.

“Me, Marlene, Dorcas, Mary and Alice,” Lily said.

“What, you didn’t think you guys were the only ones who could pull pranks, did you?” Marlene asked. They all came out of the water with Remus and Frank as Lily started pulling food out of her bag. They sat on the grass making sandwiches, talking and laughing.

“I can’t believe it’s nearly over,” Sirius said, looking back at the castle. “Has it been seven years already?”

“I know,” Mary said. “It feels like time has barely passed since our first day.”

Sirius thought back to the day he sat on the chair in front of the whole school with the Sorting Hat on his head, the thrill he felt when the hat called out Gryffindor, not Slytherin. He looks around at his friends, the people sitting here now and he just feels so grateful that he met them. All of them, every single one. Who knows where he’d be without them. Probably still at his parents’ house. Yes, Sirius thinks, I definitely got lucky. And as his eyes meet Remus’ and their hands link together, Sirius knows everything will be ok. He has no regrets. Everything will be just fine.

But underneath we had a fear of flying, of growing old, a fear of slowly dying. We took a chance like we were dancing our last dance 

But despite that confidence that Sirius had felt towards the end of his time at Hogwarts, there had been cracks of fear and doubt even then. The war was still being fought and their side was growing weaker by the day. People were dying left, right and center and Sirius felt helpless in it all. He was in the Order, he was fighting, he was trying. But it wasn’t working. They were losing. And Sirius could not shake the fear that haunted him day and night: it’s only a matter of time before someone he loves dies. Everybody Sirius cares about is in the Order of the Phoenix. At this rate, the chances that they’ll all make it out of this alive are minuscule.

Sirius is trying to stay positive but it’s not working. Most days the only thing that gets him through to the night is the thought that if he stops fighting it’ll just be worse.

He usually went to the Potter’s in the evening but he was just too tired tonight. Remus was out, probably on a mission, so Sirius collapsed on the couch. He lay there for a while, eyes closed but not asleep. Just thinking. Thinking and thinking and thinking. It’s like that was all he ever did these days. Thinking about James and Lily and Harry, how unfair this was on them, raising a family in the middle of a war. Thinking of Remus, of how far away he felt lately even though they shared a bed every night. Thinking of Peter, who he hadn’t seen in a while. Just thinking.

It felt like hours had passed but it had probably barely been one. Sirius gives up on sleep and decides to make a cup of tea. He opens his eyes and looks at the clock. It’s nearly eleven-thirty. And Remus still isn’t home. His missions didn’t usually run this late. And when they did he always made sure to tell Sirius. He started to panic. Relax, he told himself, he probably just went to Lily and James’. Just because you were too tired doesn’t mean he can’t go.

Sirius hurries to the phone and dials the number for the Potter residence.

“Hello?” Lily’s voice.

“Lily? Hey, it’s Sirius.”

“Oh, hi Sirius. Is everything ok?”

“Um, is Remus at your place?”

“No,” Lily says. “Why? Has he not come home yet?”

“No,” Sirius says. He can hear the panic building in his voice.

“I’m sure everything’s ok,” Lily said quickly but it doesn’t sound like she believes it herself. “Have you tried checking with Peter? Or maybe with Marlene and Dorcas?”

“No, I–I haven’t called anyone else yet,” Sirius said. His hands were beginning to shake.

“Ok Sirius, don’t panic,” Lily said soothingly. “We’ll find him. You call Peter and I’ll call Marlene and Dorcas. Even if he isn’t—”

“Remus!” Sirius says. The door opens and Remus walks in, kicking off his shoes. “Lily, he’s here, I have to go. Thanks though.”

“Oh thank god,” Lily mutters. “Ok, I’m glad he’s ok. Bye Sirius.”

“Bye, Lils.” Sirius hung up the phone and ran to throw his arms around Remus. Remus stumbled slightly but hugged Sirius back tightly.

“It’s ok,” Remus said into Sirius’ hair. “It’s ok.”

“I thought… I thought…” Sirius felt the tears well up in his eyes. I thought I lost you.

“I know,” Remus whispers. “But it’s ok. I’m here now. I’m sorry.”

“What kept you?” Sirius asked, almost angry as he pulled away and wiped his eyes.

“Dumbledore wanted to talk to me about something,” Remus said. “Some new mission.”

“Oh.” Sirius’ heart sank. More dangerous missions, more risks, more deaths. He couldn’t stand it anymore. “What kind of mission?”

“He wants me to… to spy on the werewolves who sided with Voldemort,” Remus said. He sounded bitter.

“What?” Sirius said, shocked. “He wants you to spy—”

“On werewolves, yeah,” Remus said. “He says it’s important to try and get them on our side. Or at least to try and find out Voldemort’s plans through them.”

“And you… you’re ok with this?” Sirius asks.

“Well I have to be, don’t I?” Remus says. “It’s about the only useful thing I can do for the Order.” Then after a moment, he adds, “Sirius, what’s wrong? If you don’t want me to do it, I won’t.”

“Do you want to do it? Cause you don’t exactly sound enthusiastic about the offer.”

“I just…” Remus sighed. “I want to be useful.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Sirius said. “I’m worried about you, Remus. I’m scared.”

“I know, love. I’m scared too.”

“I want you to be happy,” Sirius says, taking his hand.

“Then I need to do this mission,” Remus says, “I want to help, I— like you and James and Lily and Peter are. Whatever time I lose during the full moon, I make up for it by spying. Instead of being an inconvenience, I’ll be an asset.” Sirius nods.

“If that’s really what you want,” he says.

“Look, I know it’s scary. But it’ll be ok. As long as we have each other we’ll be fine.”

“Promise you’ll stay with me?”

“I promise,” Remus whispered, kissing him softly. Sirius leaned into the touch, sliding his arms around Remus’ neck. They had been growing distant lately and Sirius had needed this. He missed Remus. Was it possible to miss someone you shared a house with, shared a bed with? Apparently, it was.

“Are you tired?” Sirius asked softly, still holding Remus close.

“Not really,” Remus said. “Why? Did you have something in mind?”

“How about I play some music and we can… dance?” Sirius said.

“Hmm, but we both know that I am the least coordinated person in existence and I cannot dance,” Remus said, smiling.

“Come on Moons, dance with me,” Sirius said, smirking and taking a step back. He turned on the radio and the song Endless Love by Lionel Riche and Diana Ross was playing.

“I’ll hold you close in my arms,” Sirius sang, pulling Remus back in. “I can’t resist your charms, and love, I’ll be a fool for you—”

“You’ll be a fool anyway,” Remus muttered under his breath. But he was smiling, his hands on Sirius’ waist as they stumbled danced across the living room.

“Shh I’m singing, Moony,” Sirius said. “You mean the world to me. Oh, I know, I’ve found in you, my endless love.” They locked eyes, fiery amber and stormy grey, before melting into another kiss. Needless to say, not much dancing or sleeping was done that night.

#remus lupin #remus lupin fluff #remus lupin angst #sirius black #sirius black fluff #sirius black angst #moony #padfoot #wolfstar #WOLFSTAR FLUFF #wolfstar angst #wolfstar fanfic #Wolfstar fanfiction #wolfstar oneshot #remus x sirius #sirius x remus #james potter #lily evans #mary macdonald #marlene mckinnon #dorcas meadowes #alice fortescue #frank longbottom #Marauders #marauders era girls #marauders fanfiction #marauders oneshot

[maraud-moons]

first one shot ahhh

tw- minor mentions of death

us? never.

third year was the first time he asked her out officially. that infuriating hair and cocky grin he flashed her way before sauntering over to her with a confidence that no fourteen year old should have. ‘so what do you say me and you go on a date evans? you know, tell everyone that we’re an item.’ she grit her teeth because god if he was anything other than infuriating before spitting out ‘us? never.’

fourth year came and the marauders were still as exasperating as ever but she would be lying if she said they weren’t a welcome distraction for her. their constant loud energy let her think about something other than how these days behind severus’s words seemed to linger something so much darker. but all gratefulness for the distraction vanishes immediately when a filibuster bursts right above her at the gryffindor table and now there’s orange juice all over the front of her blouse and all she can see is red. she storms over to the four boys with the innocent looks one their faces and she doesn’t really remember what it was she said but she does know it would’ve been enough to make a grown man cry but not the marauders. especially not james potter. while the other three have the decency to look at least a little scared, potter just sits there with the most self satisfied expression on his face. and then he had the audacity to speak, ‘merlin evans you sure are creative with your swearing. godric’s burning ballsack? it’s inspired really. we could use that talent. your brilliance and my charm, we would make a pretty spectacular team don’t you think?’ lily just stares at him because god if he was anything other than infuriating but it was 8 in the morning and she was already drained so she just said ‘us? never.’

fifth year and she was on the train on her way home for christmas, her body filling with dread, already anticipating the colder than ice welcome she’ll receive from her sister especially now after the blow up in summer after she got the prefect badge. marlene, dorcas and mary were staying at hogwarts that christmas and alice was a bit lost in her newly found romance with frank longbottom and she didn’t want to interrupt their honeymoon phase so she sat alone in the compartment and tried her best not to wallow in self pity. then there was a knock at her door and in glided james potter in all his arrogant glory. she glared at him in an attempt to say ‘what in the living hell are you doing here?’ and he just stared back with a calm but equally challenging expression. she couldn’t tell how long they stayed like that for but after a while he accepted mock defeat and replied to her telepathic question ‘i just wanted to know why you were sitting here all alone and sad when such kindred and fun-‘

‘and glorious!’ called sirius black from god knows where.

‘-and glorious spirits are sitting in the compartment right across from you.’

she rolled her eyes and responded, ‘i’m not alone and sad.’

‘please you can smell the gloom the moment you walk in here’ he scoffed.

‘it’s a lot potter but we aren’t friends so it’s alright you don’t have to listen to my problems.’

he mock gasped ‘how dare you, it happens to be my life’s purpose to listen to your problems. and i must embrace my destiny.’

she could feel the corners of her mouth tug up and she mentally screamed at herself because no no no she is not smiling at something james potter said because this is james potter and god if he was anything other than infuriating. she looked at him and despite the humour in his words she saw genuine concern in his face. so she, as briefly as she could, explained the situation with her sister and they kept talking and somehow, by the time the last rays of the setting sun were filtering in through the window, they were still talking. ‘anything from the trolley dears?’ they both looked up to see the trolley witch smiling at them kindly and james nodded and bought some food. before she could reach for her purse, james was already paying. he fixed her with a stare as if to say ‘don’t even try’ so she just grabbed a licorice wand and bit into it. the trolley witch gave james his change and right before she left she smiled and said ‘so you both are finally together huh?’ and james grinned a smile wider than anything she’s seen before while lily choked on her licorice wand before spluttering out ‘us? never.’

sixth year came and lily couldn’t look at either snape or potter in the face because she was furious, but she was also so so hurt. she ignored the signs for so long and it finally came back to bite her in the ass. and now the damage has been done and whenever she sees snape watching her in the corridors or in the great hall, he was always with an expression of great sadness but she knows it was more for himself than anyone else. and potter. with snape she was sure what she was feeling, an unmistakable sense of hatred. but with potter it was a haze. she didn’t know whether to hate him or thank him for being the reason she saw snape’s true colours. so she ignored it. and she got away with it until one day, she heard him shouting her name from across the crowded hall. she put her head down and tried to blend into the crowd but apparently potter now has an eye like a hawk and immediately spotted her trying to slip onto one of the staircases. she hurriedly tried to climb up and a hand caught her wrist and pulled her back just as she noticed the step in front of her had moved to join another staircase ‘damn these moving staircases’ she internally cursed hogwarts and it’s incredibly horrendous timing. ‘merlin evans watch where you’re going’ came james potter’s slightly out of breath voice ‘you may be terrible at hiding but you sure are fast.’ ‘aren’t you supposed to be an athlete?’ she muttered, looking for the closest exit and then noticed james’s hand still gripping her wrist. ‘har dee har har,’ he replied sarcastically ‘i need to talk to you.’. lily sighed, she knew this was gonna happen eventually so she just nodded at him to lead the way. he gently pulled her down the school and a few minutes later, she was sitting in a well furnished secret tunnel, not surprised in the slightest because what else could you expect from the marauders. then james launched into a winded speech about how he’s really sorry evans and other than the few slightly inappropriate innuendos here and there it was a genuine apology and she found herself nodding when he softly asked ‘so can we put this all behind us and be friends?’. so a few days later the school was buzzing with news that james potter and lily evans actually walked to class together without any minor casualties. lily still found him and his puns exasperating because god if he was anything other than infuriating. but they were friends now and she didn’t mind it? not one bit. ‘should i be jealous now?’ marlene asked one day when they were walking to the lake together. lily looked at her confused and asked ‘what why?’

‘because you and potter are best friends now aren’t you?’

lily looked at marlene with a roll of her eyes and a very small smile

‘us? never.’

seventh year and they were so close to the end. in a few months it would all be over and they would leave the castle and all the magic it held behind. to become soldiers. like it or not they were all going to fight. and god was lily terrified. faces of the missing flashed through her mind at the worst times and she knew, everyone knew, this wasn’t going to end anytime soon. not unless they all fought and won the war or died trying. and she was so so scared for everyone she loved. marlene, dorcas, mary, alice, frank, peter, sirius, remus, james. james. lily thought of the quidditch captain and how absolutely stunned she had been when she saw him in the beginning of the year with the head boy badge. one glance and she could tell he had changed. he stood up taller, not with arrogance but with the stance of someone ready to lead. he talked with purpose and acted the same. james potter had grown up. and she could tell it was for his family, for sirius. and she noticed it all. yeah noticing is one thing but the slow fluttering in her stomach when she did? completely different. and she tried so damn hard to ignore them because she can’t focus on romance when she or anyone around her might die any day. and that was exactly what she was thinking about when she looked down at the daily prophet that day and read the front page article. death eaters strike muggle town. killed 4. she choked back a sob as she saw her town’s name on the smaller print and as she read the names she slowly processed the words. suzzane edward. she had known suzanne, been best friends with her as a child and even talked to her last summer. and now she was gone. her and her whole family. she was devastated for them. she put down the paper with a start and looked around the table to see almost everyone at the table clutching a paper in their hands, their expressions varying from horror to defeat as they took in the tragic familiarity of it all. the rest of the day went by in a blur and by the end of the day she sat in the common room trying as hard as she could to focus on the relevance of the goblin wars to today’s banking system. she could hear wisps of conversations floating from parts of the room and she heard marlene say ‘they were found lying next to each other. i’ve read so many people say that even if they died, they died having found their soulmate.’ and upon hearing that, something inside lily sparked. she had to do something and she had to do it now. she knew peter was attending a study group tonight and sirius and remus were merlin knows where and she did know james did not have practice today so she shoved her parchment aside and like a woman on a mission stalked up the stairs to the boys dormitory. and as she took the last few steps her mind caught up to what she was doing and she paused ‘oh god what am i gonna say when i go up there and what? james potter isn’t your soulmate.’ she sighed and turned around about to leave but then her thoughts interrupted her once again ‘isn’t he?’ and that was the last push she needed. she near sprinted up the stairs again, grabbed the handle and barged into the dormitory with the initials j.p. s.b. r.l. and p.p. carved into the door. she entered breathless, to find james sitting in bed in an old t-shirt and

‘bright red snitch pajamas??!!??’

‘evans!!??’

she couldn’t help her laughter, ‘you wear snitch pajamas!’ she snorted.

james was too startled to even look embarrassed ‘evans what are you doing here? are you okay?’ this sobered lily up immediately and she looked around and remembered what she was there to do and managed to stammer ‘oh- uh- yeah.’

‘yeah?’ james asked, still visibly confused.

lily took in a deep breath, ‘okay you got one chance, DO NOT screw it up.’

‘okay well- shit. okay so you know how there’s a war going on right? of course you do. yeah so i heard marlene talk about soulmates and how dying together is better than living without one and hell when i heard that the first person i thought of was you. all these years i kept turning you down cause i found you immature, annoying and quite frankly infuriating and i didn’t expect that to change and then you show up this year and god you changed. you stopped being an arrogant asshole, you stopped walking around like you owned the place and you changed for the better and i couldn’t believe it. then i saw how you were with the firsties and how well you took care of them and when simon hubell needed help with his transfiguration homework, you stayed up all night helping him. and everyone kept telling me you changed for me but i knew, it was for your brother and it made me want to punch a wall because you’ve become a 100 times better person than you already were and how was i so oblivious. and of course i saw what changed in you but i also saw what didn’t. your hair is still as messy as ever and you still run your hands through it whenever you’re nervous or anxious and your laugh, it still fills up a room with joy like it always did, it’s infectious. and you’re still so determined, i mean, whether it was asking me out or anything about the war, you never gave up and you inspired almost everyone in the school. and your eyes. they’re still the chocolate brown they’ve always been and they still turn lighter, almost amber when you’re happy and turn near black when you’re angry and there’s that shine in them that only shows up when you’re up to no good and lately i’ve seen that shine when you’re talking about the war and god those eyes. i’ve slowly fallen in love with them and i can’t help it anymore. ironic isn’t it?i guess your pining methods do work potter. cause here i am in your dorm almost at midnight declaring my love for you.’

she let out a giant breath and stared at james waiting for something, anything. he stared at her, right at her and slowly got up from the bed and walked across the room, never once breaking eye contact and came to stand less than a hair breadth away from her, his eyes shining in a way she’s never seen before. ‘you aren’t pranking me now are you evans? because if this is revenge for all the pranks i would like to let you know that you would’ve broken my heart, like completely shatter-‘

‘no you toerag. i’m not pranking you.’

‘oh okay-‘

‘because if i was, would i do this?’

then she reached up to cup his jaw and met his lips and she could see it all. the stars, the moons and her entire future. with him.

after what felt like an eternity of bliss they broke apart and rested their foreheads against each other’s. ‘i love you james potter, more than you’ll ever know.’ she whispered.

‘oh i know, because i love you an infinity times more lily evans.’

so as she left the dorm that night, both of their eyes shining with something new and so so much brighter, he called out ‘so does this mean we’re together now evans?’ with a grin in his words.

she turned around, smiling and eyes sparkling.

‘us? never.’

#us?never #jameswearssnitchpajamastryandconvincemeotherwise #jily #jilyfic #jilyoneshot #james potter #lily evans #lily evans x james potter #sirius black #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #wolfstar #marlene mckinnon #hogwarts #gryffindor #ravenclaw #hufflepuff #slytherin #toerag #jily fic

[thesevenwondersofawitch]

SPOILERS FOR CAOS PART 4

Chapter Thirty-Four: The Returned, episode reaction.

Sabrina looking at herself in the mirror hoping for a sign from Sabrina Morningstar makes me chuckle.

Would it kill Nick to put on a shirt? I'm getting tired of seeing him without a shirt so much.

Prudence is so sweet.

Hilda coming in to see Lilith and her holding a bundled up doll makes my heart hurt.

Lilith really did kill Adam. 😭

It's time for the Battle of the bands.

Oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God IT'S BABY VINNIE TOM!!!!!!!!!

Sabrina asking the real questions.

Zelda not caring at all about how is back makes me sad because that shows just how much she missed him.

Marie is shookith.

Zelda is not pleased.

Excuse you Marie you're leaving your girlfriend? Rude.

Da f*** is that?

Harvey's not even questioning where the guitar came from?

I really hope that Tommy isn't coming back from the dead. Again.

Harvey's dad is weird.

The dude that wearing glasses that said that he doesn't want to be humiliated by Fright Club looks familiar, was he in Riverdale?

And the band just killed the other band, what is this, an episode from American Horror Story?

I'm getting bad vibes from that board game.

WELL IF IT ISN'T ME JERK HIMSELF, EDWARD SPELLMAN.

Shit, he doesn't remember he died, so Sabrina can't tell him she's his daughter.

Oh God she's haunted by her baby.

NO!

POOR LILITH!

Dorcas!!! Yay!

Uh oh, Hilda is meeting her in-law.

Awkward.

All of these bands dropping out in years past, that is not good.

Mr. Kindle was part of the band! And he looked like Harvey. 😂

Oh god, Lucifer. Again with the dead virgins.

R.I.P Peggy.

Satanic Panic burned to death. Damn.

Peggy's dad did it!

Hilda's mother in-law is embarrassing but should stop talking 'cause she's making my baby Hilda uncomfortable.

Well that escalated quickly.

Run Hilda.

Run.

Lazarus vs. Mambo Marie, woo!

Sabrina why are you showing a picture to Edward.

DO NOT BE A MORON.

Aw, baby Sabrina.

Sabrina, you're being a moron talking about how your mother died and that he has been dead for 16 years.

Ouch, Edward what the f*** you're calling your daughter an abomination. Oh right, daughter not by blood.

Did he seriously just call Diana a whore?

The fuck.

Ed just said Diana was a monster fucker, not nice, writer of this show, not nice at all.

RUN SABRINA!

Yay Aunt Zelda!

Agatha, stop singing about Lizzie Borden, and also by implication killing Dorcas.

Three blind mice.

I missed The Weird Sisters so much.

Oh lordy, Hilda's mother in-law is messed up.

YOU TELL HER HILDIE!

OH SABRINA! 😭

They put Kenny's mom in a cabinet?(or fridge?)

Either way I here for it.

He wants her dead again. 😂

Oh no, back to Lilith. 😭

FUCK YOU CALIBAN THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

Lilith deserved better.

GIVE HER BACK HER BABY!

The cain pit!!! If only she had used it when they still had time.

Shit, Satanic Panic have Mr. Kinkle.

How awkward would it be if Robin was showering when Sabrina summons him?

Lucifer laughing about Satanic Panic makes me smile. But now I am sad because of how Sabrina can't seem to win in the dad department.

LILITH NO!

ZELDA STOP LILITH!

WAIT, LILITH GET LAZARUS TO BRING BABY ADAM BACK TO YOU!

PEGGY LOU, WOOHOO BRING HELL UPON THOSE MURDERERS!

Oh shit, Mr. Kinkle is in a cage.

Lucie you awful boatman, you! 😂

Luke Cook is a gem.😂

I thought Satanic Panic would be better then they are.🧐

Spot Elsbeth in the front of the crowd.

FRIGHT CLUB SLAY THAT SONG, AND JAZ AND ROSS, WOW.😍

Dark Mothers, cool.

LILITH!

DID YOU HEAR THAT? THAT WAS MY HEART CONSTRICTING AND BREAKING.

Is she gonna do what I think is is gonna do?🤔

YEAH! HE IS A BASTARD, LILITH!

Yeah, she didn't do it for you, Mambo Marie.

I'm not a fan of Dark Mothers.

PEGGY LOU IS HERE FOR BLOOD ANF SATANIC PANIC IS GONNA TURN TO ASHES!

Yay! She's got her revenge and gotten to have peace!

Sabrina really sad fuck you to her dad.

"Well done, false daughter." "Go to hell false father." I LOVE IT!

WAIT WHAT, MARIE WHAT DO YOY MEAN?

Poor Zelda.

Baron, you jackass how could you lie to Zelda all this time.

Zelda was a straight up savage and Baron deserved it.

Dorcas breaks my heart! 😭

DORCAS KISSED AGATHA!

WHAT DID SHE WHISPER!

Prudence 😭

AGATHA IS AGATHA AGAIN! DORCAS JUST HAD TO FORGIVE HER!

Agatha doesn't remember. 😭

Jaz looks so gorgeous. 😍

ROBIN IS STAYING WITH THEO!!!

Lilith no!

ADAM?

Zelda waved goodbye to Baron!

Vinnie gets to stay? YAYAYAYAYYAYAYAY!

AT LEAST HE DID THAT! YAY! ALMOST MAKES UP FOR THE HEARTACHE.

#thesevenwondersofawitch watches #the chilling adventures of sabrina pt 4 #caos netflix #caos part 4 #caos chapter thirty-four: the returned #miranda otto #lilith caos #madam spellman #zelda spellman #sabrina spellman #nick scratch #hilda spellman #mambo marie #ambrose spellman #lilith and adam #dorcas night #the weird sisters #agatha night #roz walker #prudence blackwood #harvey kinkle #theo putnam #zelda x marie #vinegar tom #vinnie t #lucifer morningstar #satanic panic #Greendale #The Eldritch Terror #the Eldritch

[neptune-stars]

hey darlings it’s samhain today so here’s a little fic i wasn’t sure what to do w for the occasion!! mwah sorry for the angst

———————————————————————

when sirius was eleven, he walked up to the hat and requested gryffindor.

“your ambition will be the end of you,” said the hat, but put him into gryffindor anyways.

sirius, while in school, could not figure out what that meant, because he wasn’t particularly ambitious. he supposed he liked pranks well enough, but they weren’t his entire life, and he liked pissing off his parents, but he wasn’t going to make a career out of that either.

it came to him suddenly, and when it did, the world stayed the same.

james potter met sirius black when they were barely eleven and defended him against some snotty greasy boy on the train. james potter didn’t care that sirius was a black, didn’t care that sirius’ family was dark - he didn’t mind that sirius wasn’t all that light either.

see, sirius would lay down his life for just about anyone really. but there were only two people that he would kill for. that he would love until the end of time.

and one of those people were james potter.

when james died, all the bright and happy and good things in the world died with him. sirius was the one to find him first, his james lying spread eagle across the stairs, wand still in the living room. but james looked peaceful there, like he was ready and happy it was finally over, and sirius wanted nothing more than to go to the afterworld and yank that peacefulness away.

lily is upstairs. her usual bright green eyes are cold in death, red hair surrounding her head like a halo. her collarbone is bleeding something awful, and when he pulls down her shirt a little to see - to stop the bleeding, to stop the blood from sinking into her shirt because it was lily’s favorite sleep shirt, one of marlene’s old ones - he finds a rune, a cross between algiz and six he’s never seen before carved into her skin. her blood is sprinkled around the edges of the room and there is a matching rune on harry’s crib.

harry is alive. he is bleeding sluggishly from the forehead, and he is wailing something awful, but he is alive. sirius picks him up, closes lily’s eyes and closes his own when he walks past james. puts harry carefully into his sidecar, and then hagrid is there and sirius trusts him and and and

he is filled with a vengeance so deep there is nothing that could possibly stop him. he think he would kill dumbledore, voldemort, Lady Magick herself if they got in the way, and he goes after peter with reckless abandon-

he is tricked.

it is such a slytherin move, such a slytherin move for little, mousy peter pettigrew that when the aurors find him he is laughing and laughing and laughing and then he is crying.

alastor is there, staring at him with nothing less than absolute disgust. his mentor, his and james’ mentor, thinks sirius killed james, and that just makes him laugh harder.

he is thrown in azkaban without a trial. it’s cold there, and they only give you one meal a day, and the vengeance still burns but not as bright as his grief.

bellatrix, his big cousin bella, takes him under her wing. she’s a little bit mad, and she tortured his friends to insanity, but she knows he didn’t betray the potters and she know he didn’t kill all those muggles and she still loves him. she protects him, with their cells right next to each other, by telling him story after story until her throat goes dry and she can’t speak another word, like they are children again and walburga and druella are screaming and banging on the other side of the door while they hide from their mother’s rage.

“why did you do it, bella?” he asks her one day, when his brain is particularly loud. “why did you kill all those people? those innocents?”

“i didn’t mean too,” she says, and she sounds terribly small. “the dark - it’s seducing, sirius. it pulls you in until you can’t get out.”

the death eaters all come from broken homes, homes where there parents were still together in loveless marriages and their mothers liked to scream and slap and fathers like stone cold silence and quiet crucio’s. the dark arts is a savior, a winning, something to help them get away from suffocating under the stress of it all.

it doesn’t help, sirius thinks, that muggle studies is so behind. sirius thinks a lot in azkaban and he thinks that muggle studies class should be mandatory, because most of the death eaters are convinced muggles are still burning witches and wizards at the stake.

“will you kill him?” asks bella another day. “the man who betrayed you, and cousin james?”

sirius thinks of all the people he killed during the war. he thinks about the small part of him that thought it had been fun, literally ripping out spines and burning them from the inside out and back again. he had insisted it was for justice, justice for marlene and dorcas and mary and gideon and fabian and benjy, but now he isn’t so sure.

“yes,” he says. “i will.”

when the ten year mark hits, bella screams in her cell, screams and screams and slowly the rest of prison fills with it too. the next day, in the courtyard, she shows him her arm, the tattoo that was almost faded and now is turning black again.

“he’s coming,” she says, but she does not sound happy. she sounds tired.

“promise me something,” she says later that night. “promise me, when we get out of here, because you know we all will - promise me you’ll aim to kill. i can’t keep going on mad, killing people just for their blood.”

he stares at her, his cousin bella. he remembers when they were just kids, reading in the library and skating on ice in bella’s back yard in the winter, and then later, in hogwarts, when he would find her cursing muggle-borns and half bloods and blood traitors alike. he didn’t recognize her then but he recognizes her now, as his scared, tired big cousin, more like his mum than his mum ever was.

“i promise,” he says. “now promise me the same.”

“you have a godson,” she says. “you must protect him.”

“promise me,” he insists.

she does.

the day before he escapes, he hugs her tight in the courtyard. she hugs him back, hands shaking, and when he sneaks out in dog form she gives him a shaky nod.

the ambition to protect james failed, so now he will do so with harry. the last potter.

harry flies like his dad, maybe even more, with completely recklessness and only the smallest amount of control. harry throws witty comments at draco malfoy and winks at cho chang in the air and all sirius can see is james.

“he’s a werewolf!” hermione granger explodes, pointing to remus, and sirius thinks he is the only one who sees harry’s look of yeah, obviously.

(later, harry will confide in sirius that he figured it out the moment he saw remus’ boggart.)

“i don’t think my dad would’ve wanted his best mates to become murderers, thanks,” says harry, still sarcastic and still so james even as he protects the man who made him an orphan.

sirius does not have the heart to tell him he already is one, and apparently neither does remus, but they back down anyways.

sirius thinks the next two years pass in a blue he barely remembers. he went to the caribbean for a little while, ate good until he was almost healthy and glowed with a light tan. he went back to dreary Scotland because harry was being hunted, again, and he remembers, distantly, living in a cave, watching harry in dog form as he slammed into the ground, a dead boy held tight in his hands.

dumbledore sends him right back to the dursley’s, and sirius wants to kill him. harry does not get grief counseling, or therapy, or to be surrounded by people he loves, because he is harry potter and it is not easy, being him.

sirius moves back into his old, childhood home, and stares at the spot on the living room floor where he had been tortured before he ran away. he throws up in the bathroom where he and bella used to hide.

he cleans the drawing room, where he and andi used to stare at the inter crossing lines, andi promising “i won’t be on there one day, just you wait.” he cleans the kitchen, where he and cissa used to flurry around with kreacher, throwing flour and sugar at each other while they attempted to make cookies.

he walks through the halls, where he and regulus used to chase eachother, to the stairs, where he used to slide down the curling banister, to the cell, where he used to get locked up.

harry comes to grimmauld and he yells at his friends - rightfully so - and then yells some more at dinner, and then he cries. he cries in the living room, in his bedroom, in the kitchen, in the drawing room, on the staircase. he cries when sirius hugs him and he cries when remus pats his shoulder and he cries and he cries and he cries and sirius just has to sit there and listen, because he can do nothing else.

it is quiet when harry leaves for school. sirius drinks a lot of firewhiskey and smokes a lot of hidden cigarettes and it is lonely even after harry comes back for yule time because then he leaves again.

hermione writes him a letter and says harry doesn’t cry anymore. now he’s angry all the time, at dumbledore for ignoring him and cedric for dying and his friends for not understanding and his parents for killing themselves so he could live, at himself for living-

on june eighteenth, sirius wakes up for the last time. he brushes his teeth and uses whiskey as mouth wash for the last time, eats blueberry pancakes for the last time, pets buckbeak and kisses remus for the last time and-

he hugs harry for the last time. there is a voice whispering in his head that he knows it is today, today he will finally rest, so he hugs his godson extra tight.

bella is there. she looks insane, with her hair spiked up and eyes bright, but when she looks at him her smile softens a little bit.

“you promised,” she mouths.

“so did you,” he says back, and they duel.

she doesn’t want to kill him. she hits him with a stupefy, but the veil is just behind him, and he falls through it.

harry is screaming bloody murder, heartbroken and pleading, and wrestles with remus who is trying to hold him back. it’s like the whole world stopped, and bella is looking at him, meets his eyes one last time, and says loudly, clearly, “i promise.”

he says thank you, i forgive you, i love you, with his eyes, and then he falls faster and lands hard on the ground.

“blimey, mate,” says a voice. “you really are clumsy, even when you’re dead.”

james potter grabs his hand and pulls him up, regulus holding his shoulder, and sirius begins to cry.

#lily evans #pro sirius black #sirius black #james potter #little wolfstar #like minor minor mention #harry potter #sad sirius #grief #peter pettigrew #bellatrix lestrange #regulus black #ootp #james and sirius #my loves #the wizarding war #the war

[saintchaser]

NOVEMBER I

a wet, fresh air, grey skies.

the morning had been cold when lily and james stumbled out of their rented apartment in london and down the stairs, their hands intertwined, gripping their wands.

they had become paranoid recently. death, death, death, it was a chant of upcoming doom, looming over their heads, following them. it made them restless, in their blood flow, pumped in their body by their heart, flooding them.

"surrey? james asked, looking up at lily. from what they had heard, it had been the last place where dorcas had been spotted.

remus hadn't told them much about that evening. he was on a mission with them, and only he came back, bruised and battered down and with a large, bloody gash on his stomach that lily had taken care of.

he hadn't spoken to them much after the incident. he just started taking more and more missions, ever since the spy had been announced. they still didn't know who it was. ever since that night remus and dorcas had spent together, it was almost like he wasn't himself anymore

dumbledore had told them that a small alley with a worn down factory surrey had been the last place they had been seen before they dissapeared, headfirst in the battle.

going after them would have been in vain, though. three weeks had passed ever since they hadn't come back. they were dead, everyone could feel it in their bones. still, they were clinging to the hope to get dorcas back. not the old, jovial dorcas that they had been before marlene's death; they'd never hope to see that side of them again. they missed even the somber, even more practical than usual dorcas. that dorcas was the one that would get them out of the war.

but they didn't even manage to get themselves out of it.

death, death, death.

"surrey." lily nodded and, gripping james' hand tightly, they apparated to the indicated location.

when they got there, the sky was cloudy, the air wet and heavy with dread. lily had already started walking to the factory, assuming that they were where dorcas was. the factory stood tall and grey, reminding her of the old pne in spinner's end.

"here," james whispered, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her in a narrow, cobbled alley. the both of them barely fitted there; dorcas must have been alone when they died.

at the end of the alley, someone was lying down on the ground. lily felt her knees weakening; james steadied himself up by propping himself against the wall.

"merlin, if dorcas will look the same as benjy..." he trailed off. "my stomach couldn't bear seeing that again."

there was a mutual understatement that the body at the end of the alley was dorcas.

"you can stay here if you want to." lily hadn't asked james. it hadn't been an order, either. she knew that he couldn't stand that kind of thing. made his stomach turns upside down. lily understood. she always would. "i can go check and call you to come to see if you want to and if it's not, you know..."

"yeah. okay." james nodded, taking a deep breath in, preparing for the worst.

death, death, death.

the alley was so short, lily only needed to take a few steps to get to the end, bright and so different from what was on the other side. in front of lily were shops, cafés, and people were just starting to come out of their houses, to start a new day.

like nothing was happening around them.

dorcas was lying at their feet. there was a thin streak of dried blood that had come out of their nose, possibly from how they had hit the ground when they had fallen. their face was expressionless; peaceful, in a way. they'd gone back to marlene, by her side, as they should've. they promised themselves.

death, death, death. imminent, slow death.

#death tw #murder tw #blood tw #snapshots of the war basically. finding dorcas. finding all of the lost soldiers #hc that marlene and dorcas had a very short period of time that they lived without the other (between their deaths i mean) #i gotta write other deaths as well but idk when... i haven't had much time recently 😭 #james potter #lily evans #dorcas meadowes #my writing #(first quote is from silvia plath)

[spellnbone]

Wards, Protection and Defense

March was the month where Edgar’s self-doubts began growing and growing. While most Order members seem willing to entrust him with quite a few secrets, he doesn’t think he’s the right person to ward them, and in result he begins trying to control the little things around him. Warding, protecting and defending become his priority and it does not help that he sees himself as the danger most people need protecting from.

1st Like My Own Mind - Arabella and Edgar meet at Hogsmeade for a coffee. They discuss Branwen snooping around Hogsmeade and Fabian having gotten a job at Hogwarts, with Edgar showing himself reluctant to reach out to him there as Hogwarts is meant to be a safe place for Fabian, and Edgar is only the bringer of war-news.

2nd At The Sweets’ Shop - Edgar goes to buy some sweets, but Dedalus, who Edgar has held a grudge against since school, keeps him for much longer than expected by talking and talking. For them, it’s a rather typical encounter -- until Dedalus mentions that he sees no point in joining the Fighting Club, despite needing to learn how to protect himself better. Edgar asks how he fights in battles, then, and Dedalus replies that he isn’t a great fighter and that if he finds himself in a battle, he simply removes himself. Edgar sees himself in this answer, as he too is anything but a strong fighter and used to run away, trying to find clever solutions out of situations rather than facing the battle head on. Remembering such situations, especially those that have gone wrong, he explains that sometimes you can’t remove yourself, either because of the circumstances or because there’s a person you love who’s still fighting, and that everyone thus needs to know their place on a battlefield. That if Caradoc wanted Dedalus in the Fighting Club, it’s not just to remove his weaknesses, but also to make use of his strengths, emphasising that Dedalus has a sharp mind which could be of great asset. But Dedalus misunderstands and thinks Edgar’s implying he’ll leave those he loves behind and says he’ll just do as Edgar does, and this is the last straw for Edgar. The idea someone might do as he did, copy all his mistakes, when all he wants is to protect and ensure the very opposite, it’s one of his greatest fears. With his poise lost, he lays all those mistakes out for Dedalus to see, as a warning and as a question: How could anyone think Edgar thinks himself faultless? Why would anyone possibly want to copy him? 

Uncapitalist Shopping Spree - Agitated by having reminded himself of the many deaths he has caused, he goes to find Amelia. The two haven’t really talked ever since February 14th, ever since Amelia had been brought to the Potter Estate, seeing the Order in action, and a lot of stuff built up. So after they go steal some books just for the rush of it, the twins blurt out all their fears at each other, opening themselves up completely. Ainsley. Mundungus. Rigby and the heritage. Caradoc. It ends with Amelia demanding to join the Order and Edgar knows better than to fight her stubbornness. Thus, he brings her to Caradoc.

At Strongarm - Edgar tells Caradoc Amelia wants to join the Order and they need to procure a Tag for her as fast as possible. Caradoc says it’ll take time but he’ll work on it. Amelia leaves and Caradoc and Edgar are left alone together, which is where Edgar breaks down. It’s the first time in six years (since the day he caused the death of the other Order members, which he implied to Dedalus) he cries. Amelia being in the war means putting her in danger, a danger Edgar can’t protect her from. He reminds Caradoc that if Amelia dies, so will he.

3rd On/Off Duty - Needing to take his mind off things, Edgar goes to the theatre, where he meets their newest recruit, Annalise Fawley. They talk all things theatre and Edgar finds himself fairly charmed by her.

6th Dignity and Love to not Blend Well - Severus and Edgar are just done discussing all that there is to know on the spy-front, as every Saturday morning, when they mention the Fighting Club. Severus explains that he did pass the sorting test and made it into the good group, but would rather die on the battlefield than train with Sirius Black. Edgar however -- seeing his younger self in Severus’ arrogance -- reminds Severus that he’s way too valuable to die. Anxious that his explanation might be met with misunderstanding again, like with Dedalus, he explains more clearly that the Fighting Club is more than just curse-training, it’s also a way to find out about your fellow members’ strengths and weaknesses. The main take-away, however, is that Edgar feels like he has once again gotten to know his partner a little better.

8th Calendrical - Maddy Warren is initiated into the Order. Afterwards, Mary and Edgar discuss the newest updates: Maurice, the DTF, Maddy. They also discuss that it’s time to leave their position of defense behind and start attacking first, which is something Edgar has only been waiting for for quite some time now, waiting especially for the right person to pick up a wand and go for it. In a way he knows that defense can only go so far, and attacking first is, in the long run, the best way to protect everyone.

9th It’s the big moving day. Most everything that can be transported, is brought from the Potter Estate to the House of Bones.  The Map, the Minutes, all Tags, all plans and lists and artifacts of value are moved, leaving behind mostly the things that wouldn’t have a safe place to store yet, namely various items from the infirmary, as they want to leave what they don’t understand to Emmeline and her expertise and system. 

Dripping Water Hollows Out Stone - Afterwards, Edgar has Amelia and Fabian meet -- without letting them know beforehand -- and forces them to make up. He tells them that he belongs to no one and if he gets hurt, it’s his own fault, and no one should feel responsible for having to protect him.

10th The Cursed Disco - Frank brings sneakoscopes into the House of Bones, which all go off as the house is filled with potentially mistrustful objects and energies. But Edgar reminds Frank, that it’s not the Order who needs to mistrust the House, but the House needs to mistrust the Order; the people of the Order brings danger with them (once again thinking of the idea of ‘Illness’ as well as his plans with Caradoc to test their fellow members in the future), and they should find a way to ensure trust amongst the Order soon.

12th Hide and Seek -  After their night together on January 6th, Edgar has done his most to avoid Mundungus Fletcher, while Mudnugngus did his most to cross paths with Edgar. The pettiness resolves now in Edgar’s old room, where Mudndusgus goes to steal something and instead finds more than two dozen posters of himself plastered on the walls. Edgar, more than embarrassed, promises to take them down, but Mudnugngus quickly has a new objective: Edgar’s key-earring seems like something marvelous to steal. The key-earring made of many keys holds one key, which Edgar is keeping safe: it opens the cabinet to Caradoc’s heart, his warmest memories, and when Edgar realises it’s gone, he panics, fearing he has failed to protect his best friend.

13th - 18th Edgar and Caradoc begin preparing their Test, while Edgar also studies James’ plan on how to find out the spy, which he gave him exactly a month ago. It feels like much longer.

18th Another One Knows - On the night of the 17th, Severus finds Edgar and tells him that Peter is the spy. Edgar meets with Peter and orders him to wait for an opportunity, when that opportunity arises, he will fake his death and hide in the House of Bones for protection. Peter is grateful, but Edgar doesn’t do this out of friendship or pity. He’s doing it like this because he knows that Peter is worth more alive than dead right now, and that if he scares the boy away now, he’ll go to the Other Side forever, and his friends will have to grieve yet another friend. It’s those friends, Lily, Sirius, Remus, that Edgar thinks of when he dismisses Peter and tells no one about it, wanting to believe that if only Peter will be shown enough love, he will make the right decisions in the future. 

21st The Battle of Diagon - Actually, Edgar meant to meet up with Marlene and show her a tour of the House, so when the battle news break, he’s with her. She’s the one who keeps him from going upstairs to the Map room and apparates him to Diagon Alley instead. He thinks of all the conversations he’d had this month about trust and battle fighting, and how little time they had to prepare, and it’s only when he sees the young Efa Chittock that he snaps out of it. 

Protection - Running into a battlefield isn’t always the smartest choice, even if it’s to help her friend Dorcas, and while Efa isn’t too pleased by being held back at first, she quickly realises that Edgar’s plan sounds indeed like she’d be able to protect more people more easily that way. So they run into a house and up to the third floor, from which they defend their fellow Order members downstairs. Because Efa is doing well, Edgar leaves her not too long after, ordering her to stay where she is. 

Inside the Sweets Shop - On his way to the side streets, to which the battle is slowly spreading, he sees Dedalus and Fabian inside Dedalus’ shop. He hurries to enter and ward everything, but not before giving Fabian his protective coat and sending him out into battle, telling him to show up for a date tomorrow night. Punctual. Alive. Then Edgar and Dedalus take care of the kids caught inside the shop, as well as the knocked out Death Eater, before, suddenly, Voldemort appears. 

Voldemort is targeting Dorcas and Annalise, and Edgar pushes Dedalus deeper into the shop. But realising that Dorcas being in danger will draw Efa down from her hide-out, Edgar runs back into the street as well, and together, from opposite sides of the road, they ward off any attempts of making it even harder on Dorcas and Annalise. 

Aftermath - Once back at the HQ, Edgar takes notes on everything that happened, on everything they lost.

Rigby and the Phoenix Part I - During the Debriefing, someone knocks on the door. It turns out it’s Rigby, who has just learnt today that this war is real, that the Death Eaters are really real, that the Order is really real, and who is now learning that his own siblings are in fact part of the Order. 

In This Play, We Reveal What Type of People We Are - Edgar works late into the night until he sees Peter Pettigrew watching him from the shadows. He learns that Peter faked his own death and now requires Edgar’s protection. 

22nd When Preparation Meets Opportunity - During the Battle of Diagon, Edgar gave his Phoenix Tag to Efa, aware that the Other Side already knows of him. He told her that once all of the veterans will be gone, they’ll need fresh faces to surprise the Other Side, which wasn’t a very comforting thought but at least had Efa accept the Tag. Now she is bringing it back to him, and Edgar, who worked all night through on the hostage and the List they found again, allows himself a moment of smiles: he is proud of Efa for how she fought yesterday and invites her to a breakfast. Perhaps also to charge her with some secret tasks.

The Inevitable Catastrophe - Peter has to pretend he’s dead. But Edgar doesn’t want his closest friends to go through the grief of losing another friend, so he brings them in to allow them to know he’s fine. He makes them promise not to ask questions and finds himself disappointed that wanting to know what happened is all that’s on their mind anyway, believing that if Peter doesn’t feel loved, he might betray them again. When Remus offers to stay over, he’s relieved. Afterwards, he burns the plan James made to find out the spy, as it could now risk Peter’s life but also out of disappointment for not having been of more use. He asks the question: Protecting Peter, giving him a second chance, it’s smart, but is it fairness or weakness?

The End of Alcott Avery - Artem and Bran brought in a hostage, which is being interrogated all through the night and the next day. After the thing with Peter is taking care of, Edgar joins Severus for a last interrogation, but Avery brings barely any new information to the table, and before they can do anything, Bran kills him with a knife. 

24th Beginnings are Endings - The attack on Diagon brought more attention to the Order than ever before -- it seems -- and with that attention comes a new recruit: Lucinda Talkalot. On the 24th, Edgar finds her snooping around the House of Bones, and so Edgar gives her a little tour to test her.

25th The End of Alcott Avery Part II - At the office of the Daily Prophet, the news break that the family of Alcott Avery has fled, and Edgar realises quickly that it’s got to do with the murder of Alcott. He writes Caradoc to tell him, though he doesn’t quite know for which goal, and sees Ainsley across the office also reaching for stationery, possibly to inform the Other Side of the same.

28th Rigby and the Phoenix Part II - Edgar goes to meet Rigby at his apartment, finding Andros instead. The two have a pleasant conversation until Rigby comes home and bans Edgar from ever talking to his family again, as Edgar is ‘dangerous’. 

Omnia Muntantur - After this, Edgar’s mental health deteriorates and he begins warding everything more intensely, the intrusive thoughts forcing more and more patterns into his life. Meeting with Marlene after the fiasco at Rigby’s brings him at least some relaxation.

30th The End of Alcott Avery Part III - As Edgar watches the Fighting Club to figure out new battle strategies, Caradoc finds him and hands him a Muggle paper from Liverpool. In it, the death of the Avery family is reported. Edgar’s not sure if it’s a victory or a failing on their part, but what’s certain is that the Other Side will kill everyone who dares to desert. It at least reassures him that keeping Peter being alive a secret was the right decision.

#{ it’s rotten work } #{ wait for the wisest of counselors } #march #m:peter #m:severus #m:sirius #m:lily #m:caradoc #m:amelia #m:fabian #m:arabella #m:dorcas #m:annalise #m:dedalus #m:ainsley #m:james #m:efa #m:mary #npc: rigby #npc: andros #m:marlene #m:maurice

[startanewdream]

Teenage behaviour

For @sweeethinny​ ‘s amazing prompt: ‘Instead of Harry seeing Molly's boggart, he sees Lily's, and faces him and his father dead on the floor, while his mother panics’.

Thanks again for this prompt! I always love to explore Lily and Harry’s relationship!

Read on AO3 or below the cut:

______________________________

Harry's smile doesn't reach his eyes.

Lily has been stealing glances in his direction all night, ever since she got home from her shift, and even though he is talking and eating and acting normal, she can see there is something restrained about him.

She looks around, trying to understand what is dampening his mood - not that it would need much lately, but still, he should be more thrilled about returning to Hogwarts tomorrow, especially considering their fear that he would be expelled. Everything seems normal, though. The kitchen is full of people talking and drinking, enjoying that last-minute party, and everyone's mood seems better than usual. She sees Ron listing the qualities of his new broom to Tonks, while Hermione is talking with Remus about her project of rights for house-elves. Both Ron and Hermione are still beaming because of today’s news.

She raises her eyes to the banner Molly hanged over the dinner table. That brings a warm smile to her lips; Molly had sounded more cheerful than Lily had seen her all summer when she had told proudly of Ron being made a prefect.

Then her eyes fall on Harry again. He is looking wistfully at the banner, with just a hint of guilt shining in his eyes.

Understanding hits her.

He wanted to be a prefect.

That doesn't make much sense for her, considering how Harry always inspired himself in James and how much Harry doesn’t seem to particularly care for authority figures, but there is disappointment and hurt in his eyes, no matter how much he tries to hide it.

Maybe it was some expectation that Dumbledore would choose him? Or he feels that people don’t trust him anymore? Or maybe he is feeling like he let his parents down for not being a prefect?

Whatever it is, she will have to do something about it. This would be easier if James was there that night - Harry does have a tendency to always hear whatever his dad says -, but since he is away on Order duty tonight, Lily will handle it alone. 

She looks around once more before locating Sirius and Ginny talking animatedly to each other; they are close enough to Harry so he will be able to hear them talking, so she approaches them.

‘Aubrey’s head was twice the normal size’, Sirius is saying, opening his hands to emphasize it, almost hitting Lily. ‘Oh, sorry, Lily’.

‘No harm done’, she says lightly. ‘Are you telling the infamous balloon head prank?’

‘I will let you know it’s one of the best Marauders pranks to date’, Sirius replies, seeming very proud of himself.

‘Don’t believe him, they originally wanted Aubrey’s head to shrink’, she tells Ginny conspiringly, making Ginny smirk. ‘And they didn’t even try to hide it, it led them directly into detention. No wonder you never made prefect’.

She knows Harry is looking in their direction, but she pretends to not notice.

‘Can you imagine, you and James as prefects?’

Sirius shudders, putting his hands over his heart and looking properly scandalous, just as Lily knew he would be.

‘We would never! Plus we would have to give ourselves detentions on a daily basis’.

‘Like Remus ever gave you any’, she scoffs playfully.

‘Well, he could turn a blind eye on us sometimes. Ok, most of the time’, Sirius concedes when Lily just raises her eyebrows. ‘But I remember a certain Head Girl doing the same’.

Lily laughs shamelessly.

‘If I didn’t catch you, how could I do anything? And with James as Head Boy, you certainly learned to avoid being caught’.

‘It sure helps when your best friend is Head Boy and decides the patrolling routes’, Sirius agrees, grinning.

‘Hang on’, Ginny says, frowning. ‘James was a Head Boy? Your James?’

Lily sees Harry joining their circle and she smiles to herself.

‘Yeah, we were as shocked as you when we found out’, says Sirius dramatically.

‘But he wasn’t a prefect -’

‘Head Boy and Head Girl may have been prefects, but if the headmaster thinks someone else should be, he can choose’, Lily explains. ‘It doesn’t matter whether you were a prefect or not, as long as you are responsible and trusting, really’.

‘You know, that was the only time I really considered telling Dumbledore we were animagi - we couldn’t let him think James was responsible -’

‘Come on’, Lily says fairly. ‘He had improved a lot by our seventh year, it made sense he would be a Head Boy’.

‘Oh, don’t tell my mum that’, Ginny pleads in a hushed whisper. ‘There is no way I will be a prefect next year, but then she might hope I get sense enough to be a Head Girl’. Ginny turns to Harry, shaking her head in fake panic, and Harry lets out an amused laugh.

They all laugh then, and Lily feels good when she sees Harry is more relaxed now as if remembering his father wasn’t prefect either is enough to raise his spirits.

She doesn’t say it and she doesn’t really mind, but she thinks Harry could be a Head Boy in a couple of years. Harry does have the leadership she saw in James in their last year at Hogwarts, even if he doesn’t mind breaking the rules now and then. But if he is not chosen, that will be fine for her too.

Lily hopes Harry understands this.

She shares a drink with Sirius, who is still telling adventures of the Marauders to Ginny, while keeping an eye on Harry. He drifts off to talk with Fred and George and Mundungus - a trio that speaks of trouble for her -, then he leaves them to sit on a chair, pretending to be busy drinking a butterbeer. His face is troubled once more and Lily resists the urge to sigh.

Harry’s changes of mood are more erratic than she can deal with these days. She always thought Death Eaters and bigotry would be the biggest challenges in her life, but now she thinks understanding teenage behaviour is much more difficult.

She throws a sympathetic look at Molly, who is yawning now, admiring the fact that Molly dealt with that seven times.

‘Oh, sorry, Lily’, Molly says, flushing. ‘I just woke up so early today…’

Lily smiles.

‘Go get some rest, Molly. I patch things up here later’. And when Molly opens her mouth, looking worried, Lily smiles. ‘I won’t let them stay up late, I promise’.

‘Thank you, dear. I am really tired… I’ll just sort out that boggart before I turn in -’

‘No, no, let me’, Lily offers. ‘Is that thing shaking the cabinet in the drawing room?’

‘Yes, Alastor confirmed to me tonight it’s a boggart’.

‘That’s on me then. Go rest’, Lily insists. ‘You already made too much today - helping to sort out that last-minute shopping list, this nice dinner. I’ll handle the boggart later, I will have to wait for James to come home anyway’.

Molly looks at her with a knowing expression.

‘I can never sleep before Arthur returns too’, she murmurs, and Lily is familiar with the fear shining in Molly’s brown eyes.

‘Everything is going to be okay’, she says calmly, even though they both know it is an empty promise. 

Molly bides her good night and Lily watches her go.

It really must be more difficult for her, Lily thinks. Seven children, one of them not talking with the family, and Molly already lost her two brothers in the first war. That makes the Weasley braver than her and James, she ponders; they aren’t hunted. They are choosing to be part of this war.

They really are the best family. She thanks silently the day Harry decided to sit together with Ron on the Hogwarts Express.

Speaking of her son, Mad-Eye is talking to him, showing him something, and even though Alastor looks as delighted as he can be, Harry seems to be sick.

Lily turns in his direction, determined to fix the situation again, but before she can reach them, Sirius distracts Mad-Eye and Harry escapes, crossing the kitchen in quick steps and slipping through the door before anyone can talk to him.

Great.

She walks to Mad-Eye and sees he is showing around an old photograph of the first Order of the Phoenix, that finally comes to her hand. Lily looks at herself, smiling hand-in-hand with James, and is startled to see how young they both look. Well, not just them. Everyone.

And those who are not here anymore look even younger.

She sees Marlene’s grin and Dorcas’s wistful smile and longing burns inside her for those evenings talking in the Common Room, for their girl’s night out after ending Hogwarts, for all the plans they made. They are so happy and hopeful in her memories, blissful to the fact Dorcas would face Voldemort alone, or that Marlene and all her family would perish in a fire.

She never said goodbye to any of them.

‘What were you talking about with Harry, Alastor?’, she asks in a quiet voice, returning the photo to him as if the distance can lessen the pain that photograph brings to her. She feels a little bit mad at him for bringing this photo to a party.

It’s not like she can or wants to forget all of those who died - it’s just she did not expect to see the reminder of all they lost so suddenly...

‘Just showing the boy the original group. Thought he might like it - so many stories to tell’.

Lily wonders if he told Harry the tragic end of most of those stories and she grimaces at the thought.

Harry doesn’t return so, after a while, Lily leaves the kitchen too. People are still talking animatedly and there are still a few minutes before she will have to break the party. But Lily doesn’t feel like chatting right now, so she may as well get things done. She considers going to see Harry, to check if his things are all packed for tomorrow, but he probably doesn’t want company. He is like her in that sense; prefers to be left alone to brood.

She enters the drawing room, looking around with mild interest. The children did make a good job cleaning everything up, but Grimmauld Place will never seem a happy place. Too many bad memories and dark thoughts, she thinks, as Kreacher passes behind herself, mumbling to himself and glaring at her.

Sirius forbade him of saying mudblood, but she only needs to look him in the eyes to feel the word.

There is nothing she can do about it and Lily prefers to fix on the problems she can solve anyway.

The cabinet close to the window is giving small jumps as if it’s alive. She walks to it, her mind already fixed on the remembrance of Aubrey with that big balloon head (he had really been a jerk and James and Sirius had pranked him for harassing first years muggle-borns, so she hadn’t mind laughing that time), and takes out her wand.

‘Alohomora!’

The cabinet opens and, appearing out of thin air, she sees James holding Harry as a baby, both lying in the ground, with eyes closed, pale and still. Dead.

They are dead.

Her heart beats faster and her mouth is suddenly dry, even as Lily knows this is just the boggart. It feels more like a dream, though, so she stays still for a few seconds, watching her husband and son’s corpses with a strange detachment. She really thought it would be just a dementor - and she would be ready for it this time.

But Lily supposes the memories that the dementor had arisen activated the true fear she had felt that night - that James and Harry would die while everything she could do was to watch hopelessly. Like she is doing now.

The fear creeps through her mind like smoke she can’t help but inhale, and that smoke makes her head light and dizzy, creating images in her head. She pictures how her life would be if that had happened, if Lily had taken Voldemort’s offer to stand aside while he murdered her husband and son and she was left alone. 

And lost. 

She wonders what she would have done and it’s surprisingly easy to answer. Find and kill Pettigrew, for starters, because there would be no James to hate him more than her and no son to give her other priorities. Then she would go after Voldemort; she would not rest until he was dead, no matter the cost. The boy-who-lived would be replaced by the mother-who-killed.

But then - and that is the scariest part - there would be nothing. No reason to live for. Her days would be empty and pointless, forever missing the two people she had most loved and knowing no vengeance would ever fill that hole…

‘Mum?’, she hears a voice asking, and for a moment Lily can’t really match the voice to anyone, certain she had never heard it before, that he died when he was just a baby -

She turns slowly to find Harry - her living son - at the door, looking at the dead bodies on the floor, then at her.

‘It’s a boggart’, Harry realizes. ‘Don’t - get out of here - let someone else -’

Harry looks worried for her. Somehow, this clears the smoke in her head. Lily steadies her hand and looks back at the corpses lying on the floor with nothing but determination.

‘Riddikulus!’, she says loud and clear, and the boggart turns into a man with a big blue balloon in the place of his head. Lily lets out a nervous laugh and the boggart vanishes in a puff of smoke.

Her heart is still beating faster, so Lily takes a moment to calm herself, to let all those bad feelings slip out of her; she almost jumps when she feels Harry’s hand on her shoulder. She had not heard him walking to her. 

'Mum?’, he calls very quietly. ‘Are you ok?’

'It was just a stupid boggart, Harry', she says, forcing herself to smile at him. Harry is frowning, seeing through her empty smile just as she sees through his. 'Just go to bed, tomorrow is -'

'Do you always see us?', he asks in a hushed whisper, ignoring her dismissal. 'I mean - that -'

He stops, unable to continue, and Lily feels a sudden urge to just tell him it was nothing and to let it go. She knows Harry would hate it, but he also would respect her desire to be left alone with her thoughts and fears.

But since all she’s been asking of her son lately is that he talks to her, Lily supposes she has to set the example.

'Sometimes, yes’, she admits in a low voice. ‘At other times it’s a dementor. But it’s all related to the same thing, really’.

Harry looks deep in thought and he stares at the point where the bodies were.

'It was me as a baby', he says, and Lily nods. 'But - why? I mean, I lived’.

She sighs once more and sits on the couch.

'Come here', she asks, and Harry sits opposite to her on the same couch, his legs crossed just like he used to do when he was young and was listening to one of her bedtime stories, except this time most of his leg is out of the couch. That makes her feel strangely comforted, even if she feels her eyes tearing up a little. ‘You grew up so fast’.

‘Mum -’, he starts, looking half-embarrassed as he always does when James or Lily start remembering him as a kid.

‘I am saying it like a good thing’, she promises. ‘I just feel so lucky to have witnessed it all’.

Harry seems confused.

‘Lucky?’

She looks away to where the boggart was on the floor.

‘When I think about that night - the one where you got your scar - I always remember how close we were to lose everything. How you were almost… you and James…’

‘But it didn’t happen’, he says forcefully. ‘We all survived’.

‘Yes, but back then, at the time - I didn’t think we would make it. I really thought… I really lost hope for a moment. Sometimes I still dream of that night, but my worst nightmares are… of that’. She points to the floor. ‘If somehow you and James were gone and I was left alone -’

She can’t continue. Harry breathes heavily.

‘You wouldn’t be alone, I mean, you would still have Remus and Sirius, they -’

‘Harry’, she interrupts him softly, looking back at him. He already seems distraught, but she has to make him understand. ‘I love them, of course, but how would it be if I and your father had died then? If you were raised by Remus and Sirius?’

He stays silent for a moment and Lily can see him picturing all that alternative life. Lily supposes Sirius as a figure parent is an amusing idea, but Harry doesn’t smile for a second.

‘It would never be enough’, he whispers at least. ‘They would never replace you’.

‘They would never try to, I am sure, but... This is it. A life without you and your father would be just - just empty for me. And that’s what I fear the most. That I would be too weak that night and that I had to watch you both dying’.

‘You are strong’, Harry says resolutely, grabbing her hand and squeezing it, though Lily can’t tell if he is doing that for her sake or his own, to also confirm to him that everything is alright. ‘I - I heard what happened’.

‘What do you mean?’

Harry looks abashed, and he lowers his eyes.

'That’s why dementors hit me so hard. The thing I hear when they are near… It’s that night. Bits of it, but I hear... You and Voldemort. You plead for me, and he - he laughs and tells you to stand aside, but you refuse. You always refuse’.

Lily blinks, feeling the blood leaving her face.

'You never said anything’.

'I didn't want to upset you', Harry whispers. 'I know you don't like remembering it'.

She gives him a tiny smile despite everything. She never told him about her own worries, but Harry probably noticed how even though she didn't have any problem explaining about Voldemort, only James would talk to him about that Halloween night.

Harry sees more than people give him credit for.

'You could have told me', she says softly. 'It is not your job to worry about me, Harry'.

'But I do', he admits. 'I don't want anything to happen to you'.

There is a desperation in his voice now, like if he is really afraid something could happen with her and, with a jolt, Lily realizes they never really talked about what happened earlier that month, about how Harry drew away the dementors from her.

About how he needed to do it because she had frozen.

'I am sorry to have scared you', she says tenderly.

'It's not - I wasn't really scared with that boggart'.

Lily believes him. Harry seems to think his father is invincible and he is too selfless to regard his own death as something to be afraid of.

'I meant about the dementors a few weeks ago. And if somehow you thought I couldn't handle that boggart right now'.

Harry blinks.

'I didn't think that', he says slowly, and Lily knows he is considering his own feelings on the matter. 'I mean - I know what you are capable of'.

'I just don't want you thinking that you need to take care of me. I am the parent here. That's my job'.

'I don’t want to lose you’, he whispers guiltily, as if somehow even thinking about it should be wrong. ‘I wouldn’t - I don’t know how I could cope if -’

Harry looks so fragile right now that she does the simplest thing. She stretches her legs, in an offer, and Harry lies down, placing his head on her lap, allowing her to caress his hair like she used to do when he was young, until he would fall asleep.

‘I won’t live forever, Harry’, she says softly. ‘Someday you will be without me - and really, that’s what I hope for’. When he looks startled, she adds with a smile: ‘That you get to live longer than me. That you get a full happy life’.

‘It will only be happy if you are there’, he insists. ‘You and dad. You -’, he stops, closing his eyes as if he doesn’t want her to see more of his emotions than he is already letting it show on his voice. ‘You need to be careful. I know you are good, but - sometimes people are just in the wrong place in the wrong time’.

She knows what he is talking about and she remembers seeing Harry and Cedric Diggory leaving together for the Third Task of the Triwizard Tournament, both looking thrilled that it would be over soon and that one of them might win the Tournament.

And she remembers when they all noticed something was off, when there were whispers of a dead champion and how she had feared so much that it would be Harry… And the guilt she’d felt later when she was just relieved that it wasn’t him.

The good die young, her mother used to say somberly when she saw news of a tragedy.

Lily thinks about the photograph of the old Order, of hope and dreams that mattered none when the people were dead, and she finally understands what upset Harry enough to make him leave the dining party.

‘Moody told you what happened with people from the first Order of the Phoenix’, she says.

Harry bits his lips, looking away from her.

‘I can’t promise you me and your father will make it through this war, Harry’, she says slowly, wishing she could lie to him about it. ‘But I can assure you that we will make everything we can to live… and if not, we will always be with you, you do know that, right?’

She touches his chest, right above his heart, and Harry trembles.

‘I know’, he concedes at least, but there is sorrow in his eyes. Then he looks back at her. ‘Moody told me about the Prewetts and Benjy and the Longbottoms and… I recognized Marlene from that photo in your office. You never told me her whole family had died too’.

‘It was just too painful’, Lily sighs. ‘It was just after your first birthday, when we were already hiding and I remember thinking... maybe I should have done something, I should have protected her -’

‘It was not your fault!’, Harry cries, looking appalled that she feels like that.

Lily refrains herself of pointing out the irony there.

‘I know. It’s Voldemort’s fault’, she pauses, looking at the eyes that are a mirror to hers. ‘Everything that happened. Blame him, blame the people who think like him and allow him to ascend to power, but never blame anyone else’.

Harry blinks and doesn’t answer her. 

‘We are better prepared this time’, she tells him, still playing with his hair gently. ‘It will not be like in the First War - we started too late then and we were too few. Now - now we have a better idea of what we need to do, of what he’s after -’

‘The weapon’, he says, and Lily remembers their first night in Grimmauld Place and what little they had told Harry. They never really said it was a weapon, but if Harry thought so, it was for the better.

He didn’t need to hear about that prophecy, not yet. It would give him the wrong ideas probably.

‘Among other things’, she says vaguely. 

He sits again, looking rather upset at her.

‘You really won’t tell me?’

‘That’s not your burden to care, Harry. Not now. I know you don’t like to hear that and I know you don’t think it’s fair, but… when you are older. Of age, at least. After school. If there is still a war going on then… then we can talk about you joining the Order and knowing things’.

Harry doesn’t look like he believes her. ‘You would just not care if I joined the Order? Simple as that?’

‘I will care’, she guarantees, running a hand nervously through her hair as James would have done. ‘But I won’t forbid you. No one forbade me, it wouldn’t be fair if I tried to stop you’.

He still looks suspiciously, but Lily just returns his gaze without blinking. She is telling him the truth; sure, she will do everything she can so that Voldemort can be finished before he is of age, but if he is seventeen and the war is still happening, she knows she won’t be able to stop him.

Like her, Harry never refrains from doing the right thing and she taught him to never stand for prejudice.

‘And until then? What do I do? Just sit here waiting?’, he asks, but for once he doesn’t sound like he is fighting with her.

‘Of course not. You can study’. When Harry grimaces, she smiles. ‘Everything you do in school is important. Every lesson - yeah, even Potions, don’t give me that look. You study and you use it to prepare yourself. Not just you, but Ron and Hermione too. All of you must be ready for what happens outside. Life won’t be like in school all the time, where you know when a spell will hit you or that when the bell rings you are safe’.

Harry bits his lips, looking thoughtful.

‘I know it’s not. I mean - for the Triwizard Tournament I learned a lot of spells and how to cast them, but - when it comes to the real thing, when -’, he takes a deep breath. ‘- when I was in the graveyard with Voldemort, it’s not like in school. It’s just your guts and instinct and - and trying to survive’.

This is the most Harry has said about the night of Voldemort’s resurrection to her and, for the first time, Lily wonders if she really wants to know. Just thinking about the desperation he must have felt fighting for his life…

He survived, she tells herself. You won’t be able to keep him under your wings forever, so you give him all the skills you can. You make sure he will be ready.

‘That is it, Harry. Promise you will take your studies seriously this year. Not just because of the OWLs, but because you know what’s happening out here, even if everyone else is denying it’.

He looks solemnly as he gives a tiny nod to her.

‘I will. And I will make sure others are prepared too. I - I don’t want - what happened to Cedric - to ever happen again’.

She smiles serenely to him, even as she remembers Amos Diggory’s cries and thinks darkly he won’t be the last parent to despair for his child in this war.

The good die young.

‘Are you going to stay here?’, he asks, distracting her from her grim thoughts. Lily sighs.

‘No, I promised Molly I would make sure everyone is in their bed not too late. You know how chaotic September 1st can be. And then -’

‘Then?’

‘I will just stay up a little bit longer’.

Harry looks at her as if he can see all that she is not telling him.

‘Dad will be home late?’ he asks, though it doesn’t really seem a question. Lily just sighs, confirming it. ‘I could keep you company’.

Lily smiles more warmly now.

‘You can go rest, Harry, it’s no problem. I’ll just make myself a tea and wait in the kitchen’.

‘I’m not sleepy’, he assures her. ‘I haven’t been sleeping much. I keep having the weirdest dream, really… And, well, I thought we could make some hot chocolate’.

That brings a warmth to her that has nothing to do with the beverage. She thinks of late nights with James and Harry, especially in winter, when they would make hot chocolate and share it in front of the fireplace in their house.

That kind of silly small moments that never seem important as you are living them, but somehow they turn into your favourite memories.

‘With whipped cream?’, she asks, her voice lighter now, and Harry smirks, making his resemblance to James more evident.

‘You can even put a little bit of brandy and I won’t tell anyone’.

She blushes, getting up. ‘I have no idea what you are talking about’.

‘I’m fifteen, mum, I get it now what was the medicine in your chocolate’.

‘When did you get so smart?’, she asks playfully, taking his arm so they can descend the stairs together to the kitchen. ‘Anyway, no alcohol for you’.

‘Spoilsport’, he complains without any real malice. ‘When will I get to drink?’

‘If you are still asking me, Harry, then you are still too young, trust me’, Lily answers grinning.

Harry shakes his head, mumbling to himself almost indignantly but this is such a normal teenage behaviour that Lily will take it without complaining. That’s the kind of thing she wants him to be worried about.

She kisses him softly on the cheek before they enter the kitchen, knowing Harry would be too embarrassed to be seen receiving a kiss from his mother in front of everyone - another very usual teenage behaviour -, and smiles to herself.

‘Thanks for the company’, she says later, when they are alone in the kitchen after sending everyone to bed.

‘Anytime, mum’, he promises, filling his cup with whipped cream, while they accommodate themselves to wait for James to come home.

#Jily Lives #Jily Fanfic #Harry Potter #Lily Potter #Lily Potter is a good mother #Harry and Lily moments #angst with a happy ending #t: fanfiction #Eyes glistening

[unabletoforget]

An Unexpected Reunion

@theacerbicprince

     Jillian stood with her arms crossed tightly over her chest as if doing her best to protect herself from the memories the castle in front of her brought, her fingers curling into her sleeves. She swallowed thickly as she looked up at Hogwarts, terrified of the memories that lay inside. She had been spending the last year of her life perfectly content to stay in her house in London where she and Sirius had been living before he was arrested, moping over the loved ones that had been lost to her. She was perfectly content with the idea of never leaving, with the idea of never truly rejoining society. How was she supposed to walk back into a world like that? A world where Lily didn’t exist anymore? A world where James and Peter didn’t exist anymore? The same world where Marlene and Dorcas and all of her other friends had vanished from, even Remus, didn’t seem like a very welcoming place. 

     Jillian closed her eyes tightly as she took a deep breath, her mind falling to her fallen friends and what they would tell her in a moment like this. ‘You just have to do the scary thing, even if it’s terrible, because it won’t seem so terrible when it’s over,’ James would say. And Peter would hold her hand and tell her ‘I’ve seen you take on Death Eaters, this is nothing. This is just a building, you’re Jillian, no building is a match for you.’ Peter always knew how to make her feel brave. ‘You can do this…’ Jillian’s eyes snapped open, watery and filled with sorrow. ‘You’re my best friend, I know you better than anyone. You can do this.’ Lily. She swallowed thickly as she looked over her shoulder as if to make sure no one was following her, PTSD some had said, paranoia others had thought. But in truth, it was hope. Hope that Lily and James would just appear behind her one day. 

     She sniffled softly and wiped her eyes, another deep breath filling her lungs. Remus would tell her bravery wasn’t about not being afraid, it was about battling your fears in the absence of another choice. Marlene would tell her to kick ass, Alice would tell her to take a deep breath, and Sirius...he would hold her hand and know that the action alone spoke volumes. But what he would say or do didn’t matter anymore, not after what he had done to her and to everyone they cared about. Harry’s little face flashed behind her eyes, her heart jumping. He would be two now, and she wasn’t even allowed to send him anything for his birthday, Albus had made her swear. But that didn’t mean she didn’t want to. If there was ever a chance of her seeing her godson again, of ever explaining anything to him, of ever protecting him and getting what little bit of family she had back, this place and a place on Albus’s good side was the only way.

     With one last moment to contemplate the tempting idea of turning back, she walked towards the front entrance of the castle, pulling her wand from her sleeve and waving it when she got close enough, watching the large doors open themselves. She put her wand back in her sleeve and stepped inside, a sick feeling churning in her stomach. She still knew this place like the back of her hand, each hall and each painting, where each door led and found that every inch of the castle was littered with memories. She crossed her arms tighter as she made her way towards Albus’s office, the password he had written in his letter to her so she might be let in to see him still rattling around in her brain. Sugar Quills. That man always did have a thing for sweets. 

     Jillian felt haunted as she walked through the halls of Hogwarts, quieter than she had ever heard them since there were no students inside. She heard the far off conversations of teachers in other halls as voices echoed around her, the murmurs of paintings and the far off flaps of wings but it was still so quiet. She looked out at the courtyard with an ache in her chest, swearing she saw a flash of bright red hair run past her. She turned around quickly to look for it but was met only with emptiness, swallowing thickly. James and Sirius used to chase herself and Lily all through these halls as if it were their jobs. 

     She wondered how long it would take to be here before she would stop seeing things, stop hearing things. Maybe they were right, maybe she did have PTSD, not only from all the loss she had gone through but from the war. She couldn’t tell you how many times she checked the locks at night or how many times she reached for her wand at the sound of the roof settling. War did that to you. She took a deep breath as she shook herself from it all, reminding herself there was no one there but her. She looked back at the courtyard, half expecting to see Peter and Remus studying but was met only with air. This was going to be a very long day.

     On the way to her destination, her mind swam with memories, hearing and seeing memories before her eyes as if they were playing out in real time. Marlene’s laughter echoing throughout the halls, her fingers running over the walls as she remembered leaning against them while talking to Dorcas. She closed her eyes as she forced herself to keep walking, thoughts of Severus entering her mind but she forced them out. She couldn’t do this now. She kept going, only stopping again when she got to a long hallway just past the moving staircases where she had once had a fight with Sirius. They had been broken up for months but when Lily had spilled the beans to him that Jillian was still in love with him they had gotten into a huge fight in this hall.

     Jillian pressed her palm flat against the warm stone, her finger tips buzzing. He had sworn to love her forever that day, promised that if she trusted him that they could be together always and that neither her mother nor his own could stop them. She had believed him, had taken him back and given him her heart that day. She scrunched up her face as she dropped her hand from the wall and shook her head. Once a liar, always a liar. She shook her head and shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans and made her way down a few more hallways before she came to the large statue she knew she was looking for, sighing heavily. This was going to be an exhausting conversation. 

     “Sugar quills,” she said clearly, holding her hands up as she spoke. She watched a staircase begin to form, making her way over and taking her place on one of the steps as they rose, saving her the trouble of walking all the way up. When the stairs finally stopped moving she was met with a closed door, a flame on the wall on either side. She took a deep breath as she walked up to it, knocking three times before the door opened on it’s own. On the other side of the door she was met with a familiar office, Albus sitting behind his desk looking up at her.

     “I was beginning to wonder if you would come at all, Ms Graham,” he drawled.

     “We fought a war together Albus, you might as well start using my first name,” she pointed out, walking into the room properly, her hands shoving deeper into her small pockets, cursing women’s clothing for having such pitiful pockets in comparison to men’s. 

     “I suppose you’re right,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “Perhaps it’s hard for me not to see you as a student when inside these walls.”

     Jillian half smiled at him, though it was forced. She saw no professor in front of her, she saw a general who had once given orders. “On the plus side, you can’t give me detention anymore,” she said.

     Albus laughed softly and nodded his head in agreement “Minerva did that more often than I did. But among you all, you were best at not being caught,” he said. She knew he was talking about the Marauders, the words making her chest hurt. She knew he could see it, because the look in his eyes slightly changed. He was giving her that look that everyone gave her when Severus had called Lily a mudblood, the one that she and Lily had received from damn near everyone in school when word got around. It was also the same look everyone had been giving her for the last year, since all her friends died and her boyfriend was arrested for their murders. Pity.

     “Stop it,” she said finally, feeling like she was an ant squirming under a magnifying glass. “Stop looking at me like an orphan kid. I can barely take it from the world, I don’t need it from you too,” she said firmly. She was tired. Tired of the pity, tired of the condolences, tired of the whispers. She was tired of people talking about how she was the poor little girl who was left all by herself. She was tired of the rumors that she was just as corrupt as Sirius and probably was in on the death of the Potters but had somehow escaped trial. It all reminded her far too much of the whispers that circulated when her father died and her mother went mad. She had been living with people whispering about her all her life, and she couldn’t take it anymore.

     Albus nodded silently in understanding, just watching her as she stood stiffly a few feet away from his desk. “Have you thought more about my offer?” he asked finally.

     Jillian sighed softly, he didn’t waste time did he? She looked at the ground as she rolled one of her ankles as if waiting for it to crack, her mind feeling muddy. “I don’t know if I can do this, Albus,” she admitted. “This place…”

     “Full of memories?” he asked, noticing she seemed to be lost for words. 

     Jillian nodded, swallowing thickly and noticing the tightness in her throat. “Everywhere I look...I’m just reminded of everyone I lost. I...It's like my past lives in these walls. It’s haunting. Even just on the way up here, I thought I might lose my mind. Peter, James, Lily...even Sirius...they live in these halls for me. How am I supposed to live with that every day?”

     He studied her while he leaned back in his chair a bit, though she wondered if it was for comfort or to get a better look at her. “Wouldn’t that be true everywhere else?” he asked. Jillian just stood there, her mouth seemed to be clamped shut. Was he right? “Would you not recall them in the walls of your house? I know you still live in the house you lived in with Sirius, are those walls not filled with memories too? Of the Potters?” he asked, taking advantage of the silence. 

     “Would you not see their image in Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley? Would you not see Lily in every red haired girl or James in every man with glasses? Would you not see Remus in any man with a scar on his face or Peter in every shy little boy? Would you not expect to see Sirius every time you hear a motorcycle drive by or vaguely smell his cologne in the air?” he asked, sitting up once more. “Would you not turn to look for Harry every time a baby cries?”

     “Don’t talk about Harry,” Jillian snapped quickly, somehow finding the words to defend her godson. But all the while, she knew he was right. 

     “Jillian…” he started.

     “You took him from me,” she said, clearly having not forgiven him for the act. She doubted she ever would.

     “I had to, you know that. I told you that last year,” Albus said, his voice calm as ever. 

     “He was the only family I had left,” she reminded.

     “I know. And if there was any other way I would have left him in your care, like your friends wanted. But this was the best way to keep him safe. In a few years he will be right back here, where he belongs. And if you take me up on my offer and you find a home here, you will be here when he comes,” he pointed out. It was manipulation, she could taste it in the air. After growing up around her mother, she knew control anywhere.

     “You’re not gonna let this go, are you?” Jillian asked after a moment or two of dead silence.

     “No,” he said, his mouth tilting up in a small smile. “I would never forgive myself if I let you die of a broken heart in that house. Not when you are of more use here. You have a good heart and a passionate nature Jillian. You can help mold the next generation into a better one than the one that came before it. A more tolerant and open minded generation. With the experience you have and the loyalty I know that resides in you, I know you can help make a better life for these children,” he said. “Harry may not be here, and neither is Lily, but there are people here who need you. And I think you need them too.”

     A tear rolled down Jillian’s cheek, one that she quickly wiped away before clearing her throat and running her fingers through her hair to get it out of her face. She watched him as she thought over his offer, knowing that as much as she hated it, he was right. If she didn’t find some sort of purpose, some sort of home, she would die in that house. The grief was too much. “History of Magic?” she asked hesitantly.

     “History of Magic,” he said with a nod.

     “Why that class?” she asked, curiously. “Why not Potions or Charms?”

     “Only position available,” he said honestly. “But also because I recall you rather enjoyed the class, you had your highest marks in it. So if there was ever a class you could teach, I would think it would be that one.”

     She sighed heavily before her shoulders relaxed “Fine, you’ve got yourself a deal,” she said, watching the amusement in his eyes behind his half moon spectacles. “When do you want me back here to start setting up for the school year?”

     “As soon as possible would be wonderful. Teachers always come back a bit early to start setting up their lesson plans but you also have to get settled in properly,” He informed her. 

     Jillian nodded “I’m gonna need a few days. Pack up my things, find a way to get the house off my hands, get some financial stuff squared away. Does next Monday work for you?”

     “Excellent,” he said, nodding as he smiled up at her. “Now, if you don’t mind, Jillian, I have to go over some paperwork concerning remodeling of the Quidditch field,” he said, picking his quill back up.

     “No problem. I have to head out anyway, stop by the bank,” she said, nodding and turning towards the door. 

     “Jillian,” Albus said as she reached the door.

     Jillian turned, her hand on the doorknob so she could close it on her way out “Yes?”

     Albus looked over his glasses at her “Welcome home.”

     Jillian smiled slowly, a ghost of a smile, a sad one. “It’s good to be home,” she lied, closing the door behind her as she made her way back down the stairs. She was doing it for Harry, she told herself. Because she had made a promise to James and Lily that she would protect their son if anything ever happened to them and in nine years time, she would be able to make good on that promise. If she wasted away in that god forsaken house, she would never be able to do that. If being here in this place, trapped in her own memories, could bring her closer to Harry one day, it was worth the trouble.

     Jillian made her way down the hall and had just turned the corner when she collided with someone taller than her, gasping as she reached out and grabbed onto their arm to steady herself so she wouldn’t fall over. “Woah!” she gasped, her legs wobbling a bit as she tried to catch herself, finding her footing again quite quickly. “Forgive me, I didn’t hear anyone…” but her words were lost when she looked up to see who she had bumped into, the sentence turning to ash in her mouth. This had to be one of her moments of insanity, there was absolutely no way this was real. But as she felt his arm under her grip and saw his near black eyes before her, she knew it was real. A little older but it was him. She would know that face anywhere.

     “Severus.”

#theacerbicprince #thread: an unexpected reuinion #v; who am i living for? (post first war) #//dear god this is so long forgive me babe

[queerpsychopomp]

what’s owed to them?

Prompt:  can you please write the last letter marlene wrote to sirius? maybe he finds it a week after her death? or maybe she knew she was dying so she wrote it and gave it to someone to give it to him after her death? WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME IF YOU DO IT.

So this kind of ran away from me. Hope you like it!

AO3 | Masterlist

---

Dear Sirius

If you find this letter, I’ve died. With everything the way it is, it was bound to happen - 

Mar sighed and crumpled up the parchment, tossing it. That didn’t sound right, too much like she was admitting defeat and giving up. That wasn’t her style, and it wasn’t the reason she wanted to write this letter. Sounding like she resigned herself to the war would bring him pain. It needed to provide some comfort, a final goodbye if they didn’t have the chance to say it. 

The Daily Prophet sat on the table in her reach. Today’s headline proclaiming a family of four had been killed last night, the accompanying picture showing the dark mark above a cottage. Aurors found Edgar Bones and his entire family slaughtered just last week. Two weeks before, they buried Dorcas Meadows after she was tortured and killed by Voldemort himself. James and Lily were going into hiding, the madman marking Harry as the child of the prophecy. The war was picking up and the Order was struggling to win against the endless tides of death eaters far outnumbering them. Skilled wizards were dying all the time. Every single day Marlene woke up and wondered if today would be the day that she would die. Or Sirius. Or Remus or Peter or another one of their few friends that were still alive.

So Marlene sat at the kitchen table of the small flat she shared with Sirius, trying to write a letter he would only open if she died. It took weeks for her to reach this point. Every time she built up the courage to start, Sirius would walk into the flat, back from a mission or grocery shopping. He would ask what she was doing, Marlene would brush it off as writing a letter to one of her brothers. They’d get distracted, and she would abandon the letter for another time. No distractions this time though; Sirius had gone to visit the Potters one last time before they went into hiding, so he would be gone at least an hour. Marlene had said her goodbyes the day before. 

Two more pieces of parchment shared the same fate as the one before. Everything sounded wrong, insincere, fake, hopeless. Not anything like she wanted it to. Marlene saw what happened when Sirius found out Regulus had died and didn’t want a repeat of that. He was inconsolable, many nights of sobbing himself to sleep and days of wandering around the flat in a stupor. Only eating because Marlene was there to remind him. Only going to bed because Marlene would guide him there. It broke her heart seeing him like that. The only reason the grief didn’t consume him for good was that they didn’t let it happen. James, Lily, Remus, Peter, along with herself spent those two weeks caring for him, trying to provide some sort of comfort. Stopping him from letting the abyss of his grief and guilt engulf him.

If Marlene died, she wasn’t sure who would be there. James and Lily had to stay in hiding for Harry’s sake, Peter was around less and less, and Remus… she wasn’t sure what happened but Sirius once confided in her that he didn’t entirely trust him anymore. That maybe he was letting information slip - Marlene told him that was daft and Remus would never sell them out and that was the last they spoke of it. Still, it seemed the bond was broken and neither party attempted to fix it.

This letter needed to somehow provide Sirius the comfort they all had before. It needed to stop him from losing himself because Marlene couldn’t bear the thought of causing him so much pain. It had to remind him of how much she loved him, to alleviate the guilt he was sure to have, no matter how ridiculous it was. They both jumped headfirst into fighting the war, but he wouldn’t remember that. He would blame himself for not doing enough. 

“Fuck,” Marlene sighed, scrapping yet another draft. She was putting too much pressure on a piece of parchment, but what was she to do? She wrote for a living, and now the words she desperately needed were out of reach. Just her luck. Pressing the heels of her palms into her eyes, she groaned. At this rate, Sirius would be back before she wrote a single sentence that didn’t make her want to set the parchment on fire. He always joked that she was never happy with ‘just fine,’ always pushing herself for ‘the best.’

“Isn’t this article just about the Harpies match?” Sirius asked, glancing at the piles of parchment around her, all will only a few lines crossed out.

Marlene huffed, her head resting on the table. “It needs to be good.”

“Not good, the best,” he teased a little. Nudging her to raise her head, Sirius set a mug of tea in front of her before sitting in the chair beside her. “I’m sure all of these were good. You just think too much-”

Marlene wrapped her hands around the mug, taking a quick sip. “As opposed to not at all?” she teased, raising an eyebrow and fighting back a grin from spreading on her face. 

“Oi- those are fighting words McKinnon!”

“Okay just- don’t think about it,” she mumbled before trying again. 

It was like a dam broke. Marlene didn’t know how long she wrote, worrying that if she glanced at the clock, the words would halt and the letter would be abandoned for good. Setting down the quill, she looked it over once, folded it, and put it in an envelope before going to tuck it between the pages of an album. They rarely looked through these pictures anymore, the hopeful faces of their youth too painful to look at. If Sirius found the need to look through it, it would either be because he was feeling nostalgic - unlikely - or wanted to see her or their friends alive. When would he feel the need to seek out their happy faces? In a week? A month? Or years from now to show Harry - or maybe their own kids? - what they looked like during their time at school, tell stories of the trouble they got into.

Marlene hoped that when he found the letter, he could walk down the hall and ask her about it. That she would be there to explain why she wrote it, and that would be the end of the matter. They would go to meet the others for lunch, and the war would be a thing of memory.

The universe owed them that much.

But when do people ever get what’s owed to them? 

----- 

Marlene was buried on a Tuesday alongside her family. It was a bright, clear June day. It made Sirius want to scream. The world didn’t deserve to be so happy when everything had been taken away from him. His suit itched. Usually Marlene would stand beside him when he wore this suit, the two mourning yet another fallen member of the Order.

But Marlene wasn’t beside him, she was in the coffin being lowered in the ground.

James and Lily, as much as they wanted to attend, couldn’t, not even under the cloak. Remus was there, but stood away from Sirius. Most of the Order was there - whoever was alive anyway. People made speeches about how the world had lost a bright soul. They had no idea. Marlene was the best of them, the best of him. He could feel the eyes on him, pitying, expecting him to break down. 

He said nothing.

He was the first to leave, not able to bear any more condolences, though spending time in their his flat was worse. The week he heard the news, he fell into a stupor. If he wasn’t drunk and sobbing, he was in their bed, staring at the ceiling. The absence of her beside him was clearer than ever on the nights he passed out in their bed, there was no one he had to fight for the covers from, no hair in his face, no one mumbling “Budge over.”  Every time he walked into the flat, he expected her to be singing along to the radio in the kitchen as she baked. Or lounging on the couch, reading some book that Lily had suggested. Or sitting among a pile of parchment as another deadline loomed above her. 

Contrary to what many might have expected, the flat was immaculate. He took off his shoes at the door and placed them to the side. His coat hung properly in the closet. He never destroyed possessions when mourning; no, his upbringing kicked in and while he would destroy himself, everything in the flat went in its place.

It was perfect. It was sterile. It was no longer a home.

There used to be jackets slung over chairs, a mug of tea here, Marlene’s slippers constantly forgotten in different places around the flat. It hadn’t been messy, but it had been theirs. Comfortable. A refuge from the war. No matter how bad things got, everything seemed better once he stepped inside. They would patch each other up after missions, dream about a life after the war, mumble confessions that they would never share with anyone else, all within this flat. Stave away nightmares of the things they did to survive. The war couldn’t touch them here because they were together. 

It was a grave now.

Staying here, with the ghosts of their life together haunting his every move was unbearable. Sirius had already told James he was moving, a new flat already chosen. His belongings packed away neatly in boxes. Marlene’s were still sitting there, awaiting their fate. He couldn’t bear to part with them, his last remains of her, but they hurt to look at for the same reason. 

After changing out of the funeral suit, he grabbed a box from the top shelf of the closet and sat on the bed, reaching for the half-empty bottle of Firewhiskey on the nightstand. I have to get more later. Popping off the cap, he took a swig before taking things out of it. There were movie tickets from their first date. A newspaper from which they found out Regulus had died. Childhood pictures of Marlene, James making an appearance of many of them after she turned eight. A handful of his own. Some of Marlene’s quidditch medals.

And an album of their school years.

They hadn’t touched the album since they joined the Order; it felt wrong to see them so carefree after constantly being bombarded by the horrors of war. It hurt to see the people they used to be before they were thrown into this mess, who they could have been if they weren’t. Sirius flipped it open and drank more. None of that mattered now. Marlene had just been buried, with her the dreams they shared of life after all this was over. He deserved a glimpse of her alive. 

He almost didn’t notice the envelope that slipped out. That was strange. Picking it up, he saw it was addressed to him in Marlene’s measured writing. He wasn’t sure how long he spent just staring at it. Why did she put this in here? Did it even matter anymore? Wasn’t like he could go ask her about it. Snapping out of it, he opened the envelope and took the letter out, taking three sips from the bottle to steel himself before unfolding it.

Sirius,

I really hope you never find this letter. You’re out visiting the Potters now, and I hope you remember to buy that toy broom on your way back. Harry’ll love it, and it’ll freak James out a bit, which’ll be fun for Lily. Can you believe the little bugger’s turning one soon?

Right, I’m getting off topic. Look, if you’re reading this, it probably means I’m dead. I hope to Merlin that I’m wrong and you can go tease me about this-

He let out a watery laugh at that. He’d give anything to do that. But he was alone. No James, no Lily, no Peter, no Remus, no one at all at his side. She left him here alone.

-and I can tell you to bugger off and that times were different. They are different. Everyone’s dropping dead, better wizards than us. I guess that’s what pushed me to write this. It’s been nagging at me for a while now, but — I don’t know, things feel more urgent now.

Right. Well, there’s really only one important thing I have to tell you: whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault. Don’t start thinking you didn’t protect me enough, that you put me in danger, that would be an insult to my memory. I chose to fight this war as much as you did. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s Voldemort and his lot. 

Living in this war feels like I’m living on borrowed time, but that’s fine. I got to spend that time with you, and that is something I’ll never regret. You made me so so happy, even when we fought, even when you were off on a mission and I was up worrying, even when you felt you were becoming more like the Blacks, which is rubbish. You may share similarities with them love, but your heart is what makes you different. You are a good man, no matter what you may think. You choose to be good, and that makes all the difference in the world. We’ve all got a little darkness in us, but that doesn’t make us evil. Remember that. Please. 

The tears building in his eyes made it harder to read. Sirius swiped at them, careful to make sure none fell on the letter, messing with the ink. This was his last bit of Marlene, the last gift she gave him, a lifeline. Leave it to her to worry about him when faced with death. Merlin, he loves - loved that woman.

I love you. I’ve said it a thousand times and I hope I’ll get to say it a thousand more. If these are the last years of my life, I’m honoured to have shared them with you. Mourn me as long as you need, but don’t shut the others out. Talk to them, let them help you. Keep some of my things and throw away the rest. I don’t want to be a ghost to you Sirius. I don’t want to be the reason you die either, so don’t let the need for revenge consume you. Let me go when you’re ready and move on. Live through this war and find happiness. You deserve all the happiness in the world. The universe owes you that much.

Have a long, happy life Sirius. Fall in love again. I know you don’t believe in anything after death, but I hope to see you again one day. Make sure you have some good stories to tell, yeah?

I love you.

Marlene.

The universe owed them more time.

But when did people ever get what they were owed?

#blackinnon #sirius black #marlene mckinnon #hp fanfic #marauders era #marauders era oneshot #marlene/sirius #my writing #my stuff #hprarepairnet #hpminorcharnet

[southern-continent-skies]

Mirror Barrayar

I’m not writing this fic, but I wrote out a bunch of world-building/bios for a Barryar Mirror Universe while I was trying to write something else that ended up being too dubcon to fit into canon, and instead went sideways into this.

The concept of Mirror Barrayar is basically like the Star Trek version. The main difference is that the Terran Empire in Star Trek is inherently atomized and selfish; everyone is murdering/sleeping their way to the top on their own, with no personal or community ties except to The State. Mirror Barrayar still has the feudal aspect to it, so it’s different, in that you do have some residual notions of Family, Honor, and Loyalty (especially loyalty), but there’s a great deal of F You I Got Mine, as well. 

Generally, the Vor see an obligation to their proles and liegemen, but its the same way you might see an obligation to a pet. It’s reprehensible to, say, chain them outside with no food, or beat them for personal entertainment, or abandon them. But it’s also reprehensible to just let them do what they want, because they’re animals; if they snap, it’s because they’re poorly trained, and if they’re obese, it’s because you overfed them. You have absolute authority over their lives, so you need to step up and exercise that authority responsibly. But you don’t go through the motions of making sure your terrier wants you to pet it, that’s ridiculous. If it doesn’t growl, it’s fine - and if it does growl, obviously it needs more training. Keep them well-fed and happy, but never make the mistake of offering them respect.

Bios behind the cut because Long.

Emperor Gregor is recognizable, but much more Ezar-like; sharper, less concerned with ethics and more concerned with keeping power. Vordrozda was a much more conscious ploy to smoke out any actual disloyalty of Aral’s; he knew what Vordrozda was doing, and he played both sides against the middle. He didn’t want to execute Miles, but he would have done it without an existential crisis; he’d rather keep the campstool than his cousin. Not only is the position of Emperor intrinsically valuable, but it’s the only way he stays alive. Ride the tiger, however many of your friends it eats. 

He’s still depressed (neurotransmitters are a bitch), but his saving grace is duty, which he knows he can do better than anyone else - he took a swan dive on Komarr primarily because he was temporarily convinced otherwise. He wants to avoid civil war, because that needlessly endangers proles and civilians, but he’s not remotely above strategic assassination. He found Cavilo entirely attractive, and very Vor, but he didn’t really want to sign up for a marriage where he’d always have to watch his back. He doesn’t really want a partner, either; feudalism doesn’t understand the concept. Sorry, Laisa; you (and his conception of Kareen) are more like chivalrously-accommodated pets. It’s less male/female than political combatant/civilian, but the distinction is definitely there. He respects and relies on Alys, but he watches her like a hawk because he knows she has ambition. He almost wishes Ivan were a woman, because he’d hate to have to execute his favorite social General for treasonously plotting his replacement. Maybe they can come to some arrangement anyway...

Aral Vorkosigan really is loyal, because he recognizes Vorbarra authority as legitimate and therefore voluntarily submits to it. However, he’s more apt to seize power himself as a “last” resort if he feels Gregor couldn’t keep it in his own right; better, in his version of honor and duty to Ezar, to have Gregor as a puppet than a corpse. He’ll be glad to step down as Main Power Broker in Gregor’s favor, but mostly because that shit is exhausting and he’d rather retire than die. The post to Sergyar is less a compassionate sinecure and more a board-clearing move on Gregor’s part, that happily also allows him to avoid killing them (he really does like Aral and Cordelia, but you can’t make compromises on power). On a personal level, Aral is the “switch” he sort of is in canon, except he’s not remotely that self-aware, and just chalks it up to Authority Moving As It Should, i.e. Sempai Is Always On Top - which is also why he and Ges were so explosive. Technically Aral, as a Count’s heir, outranked Ges, but they weren’t in each other’s chain of command, feudally or militarily, so they had to continually fight about it. That’s what made their affair so transgressive, not the m/m aspect.

Ges Vorrutyer needs no alterations. 

Neither, for that matter, do Ezar and Serg. Really, this is just a universe where Barrayar never socially progressed beyond Dorca’s Game of Thrones bullshit, except that now they have spaceships and fast penta.

Cordelia Naismith ran ALL the way out of fucks to give after Mehta, and is much more convinced that nice gets you killed. She still wants to be nice, if it’s possible, but she’ll shank you pdq if you might be a threat. Her advice that Aral execute Carl Vorhalas was on purpose, here: show them you’re ruthless enough to kill their sons, and they’ll fall in line. And if they fall in line, they won’t threaten our own children, so win-win (except for Carl; sorry Carl. But not too sorry). Aral’s “fountain of honor” is, uh, a very relative term. (And then, of course, her Carl Vorhalas ploy backfired horribly, because that sort of relentless back-stabbing is what the Mirror Universe attitude generally gets you in the end.)

Piotr Vorkosigan died much earlier on; Cordelia isn’t taking those chances with her son, and Bothari knows which way his bread is buttered, too.

Miles Vorkosigan is much more like the caricature of himself that he and Gregor feed Cavilo, except not nuts; that same scene happens here, but it’s full of a lot more barbed back-and-forth between them, with Elena watching not in incredulous giggles but in the kind of silence that means you’re storing up actionable intelligence for later use. He loves Admiral Naismith because it gives him a stage for the plots he’d be executed for in Vorbarr Sultana, and Gregor likes it because, again, he can make use of his family members without having to execute them for being themselves. Miles nearly gets executed for his Memory falsified report business, because if Gregor can’t trust him absolutely then he just has to die. He definitely sleeps with Bel; if he can’t swear it into his service personally, establishing a sexual pair-bond is the next best thing - and besides, it’s a willing subordinate and it’s hot. Likewise, the Elli/Miles relationship is much more fraught, and Miles’s involvement with other people is much more pointed in her general direction. Elli has too much non-Barrayaran self-respect to take the hint and *submit* to Miles, but she likes him enough to put up with way too much of his power-dynamic shenanigans anyway.

Elena Bothari is much more ruthless. She leaves Barrayar because she’s tired of the barriers put in place on her gender AND her class. She wants to play the game, to be a combatant and not a civilian, but on Barrayar she was born unarmed and would be trampled sharp-ish. And that’s why she wouldn’t ever marry Miles; she wants to be an officer, not a pet. And even though she has to leave the Imperium to do it, she’s still very much operating in the Barrayaran style. Baz, the poor puppy, still doesn’t quite know what hit him; but for a pardon, a Vorkosigan connection, and a kickass, gorgeous wife, he’ll do whatever she wants.

Lady Alys is the reigning domme of Vorbarr Sultana. She rules the entire social scene, and social ladder, with an iron fist, tastefully draped in very plush velvet. Marriage contracts for the High Vor go through her first, or good luck getting an invitation to any of the Residence events this year - and she absolutely insists on her version of droit de seigneur. Unlike in canon, she is very much not in a hurry to get Gregor married off, because then she’d have to step back, and fuck that noise. She may have sabotaged a few potential matches by fucking with their gene scans. If Ivan were a woman, that dynastic loop would have been closed yesterday. As it is, she’s been hinting since forever that it might be a good idea for him to cultivate a, ah, “closer” relationship with his cousin, ifyouknowwhatimean. And her relationship with Simon Illyan is equally pragmatic, though no less enjoyable for it. After all, if Gregor dies without heirs, who would be better placed to pull her son’s strings right into the campstool? “Dowager Empress” has a ring to it, don’t you think?

Simon Illyan, Negri’s student in every way, has internalized enough Barrayaran class sensibilities to accept, and even enjoy, reflexively submitting to the Vor - as long as they’re at least as competent as he is. He’s loyal to Aral, and to Gregor, as he was to Ezar before them - but in a much more “I have weighed the pros and cons and come out on your side” sort of way. Aral and Gregor both take proper care of their vassals, after all, and better to be 2IC in heaven than to scrabble for a fighting chance in hell. If Gregor died without heirs, he would have some serious problems trying to decide between Aral and Alys (i.e. Ivan), but until that happens, he is more than happy to let them both think him Their Man. If they require assurances of such in bed, he’s more than happy with that as well. 

Ivan Vorpatril still has the whole “no ambition I prefer my head thanks” vibe, but it’s more pointed this time, because this Gregor would actually execute him if he put a toe out of line. He doesn’t want to get married, not only because then he’d have to deal with a wife, but also because it would put him in the middle of his mother’s schemes and potentially at odds with Gregor, and no thank you. The Arquas’ “analysis” in CVA that he’s been kept in the capital on purpose is actually accurate here; Gregor won’t risk such a photogenic descendant of Xav anywhere he can’t see him, and/or shoot him if necessary. Definitely potential Gregor/Ivan sequel here, in case this one doesn’t have dub enough con for you. Ivan generally tries to make himself as small a target as possible on that end of things - but he also does a great deal of “swiving” of his social inferiors, because he’s the Emperor’s cousin and he can. The Vor/“high prole” young women don’t like him very much, primarily because he expects something for nothing, but it’s easier to go on a few dates than to try to refuse. The “low prole” women who end up in bed with him… don’t bother to complain.

Laisa Toscane is as ruthless as the Barrayarans - all the Komarrans are. They cut their teeth on cutthroat capitalism, after all. Adapting to the feudal structure of the Imperium has meant some sacrifices, mostly of their pride - but pride doesn’t earn shares. She’ll bend both her knees if she can win her children, and her conglomerate, advantage in the process. Gregor’s not a bad husband - and the more he underestimates her, the more she can slip by him. Her gene scan came certified from a Komarran doctor straight to the Emperor’s personal physician - no Vorpatril fuckery possible. She hasn’t yet acquired the social capital to tell Alys to fuck off, but she’ll get there; she’s one of those Toscanes.

Duv Galeni is at least as ruthless as Laisa. He left his academic post for the Imperial Service Academy, because of course he did; he knows which way the bread is buttered, and he wants as much butter as possible for himself. His father was a naive idiot; fighting an overwhelming force for “principles” gets you nothing but pain. Duv, having learned from that experience, will do what it takes, whatever it takes, to get his. Bend over for the Butcher? Why not? It works for the Vor.

Byerly Vorrutyer only has one hand of cards, for the moment, but he plays it really, really well. He’ll suck anyone off for the social capital - and then promptly sell their pillow talk to ImpSec for extra points. Fuck you, pay me - twice, if possible. He may not be a high-level player yet, but give him a decade and a metric ton of blackmail material acquired along the way, and then we’ll see. Loyal to Dono, and to Gregor, to the extent Gregor can spare the attention; he’d gladly serve his Emperor in any sense of the word his Emperor wanted. Byerly’s attracted to power - in other people. What he wants for himself is security. His ideal endgame is to level up out of the game entirely, and just be someone’s pet - but he’s having difficulty finding anyone who would keep him in the style to which he would like to become accustomed. Dono doesn’t count - they both have had it up to here with the Vorrutyer penchant for incest, thanks. His second choice is to acquire enough cards to be untouchable in Vorbarr Sultana. Failing those, his contingency plan is to retire to the District on Dono’s pension and play court jester, but they both hope it doesn’t come to that.

Oliver Jole, bless his heart, is a junior prole officer whose competence is more military than social. He still has enough stars in his eyes to be dazzled by Vor authority, and he hasn’t been spoiled by having to serve a bad boss. On both a personal and a professional level, he’s completely in love with the idea of submission to the Vor - but whereas Simon is doing the same thing in self-awareness and as Part Of This Complete Strategy, young Oliver actually considers it some combination of personal choice and cultural obligation. It’s a good thing he’s pretty, and that Cordelia takes him in later, because the ingenue never quite grows up in that regard.

Admiral Kanzian, as a likely irrelevant-to-the-hypothetical-fic side note, is an absolute dragon of a superior officer. He got his position on the General Staff through both merit and social savvy (and, in his younger years, a bit of, uh, “personal competence”), and he’s not giving it up this side of the apocalypse. Junior Vor members of his office staff reportedly have to suck his dick before they start work, just to get them in the properly subservient frame of mind, for once. Rank hath its privileges - especially on Mirror!Barrayar.

#vorkosigan saga #au #background #not a fic #mirror mirror