#but because EVERYONE should respect that kind of horror and trauma

[coline7373]

People going like "Obi-Wan understands slavery like Anakin, because he was a slave for a month when he was thirteen" is the equivalent of saying you can't be racist because you have one black friend.

#anakin skywalker #was born in slavery #spend his formative years in slavery #his caretaker was owned #his only loved one was owned #he was owned #for 9 years #one month of slavery when you're already 13 does NOT compare #what is wrong with you people #this is not the argument #Obi-wan shouldn't be respectful o Anakin's slave background because they have had the same background #because they have NOT #but because EVERYONE should respect that kind of horror and trauma #even if Watto was a 'kind' master #just because he didn't beat up Anakin or Shmi #star wars meta #star wars #rant over #please and thank you

[utilitycaster]

🔥 about each member of the mighty nein (instead of sending you a million separate asks lol)

Fjord - this is actually the only character from all of Critical Role where if someone does not like that character I am immediately done with anything they have to say. Ashton and Vex are my favorites from C3 and C1 respectively but I get not being particularly into what they're doing even if I disagree, but like, if you don't like Fjord you either have no understanding of the idea of characters being defined by their settings and narratives and vice versa and therefore you have no media analysis statements worth hearing; or you made a snap judgement based on like 20 minutes of campaign 2.

Beau - I wish the circlet had gone to Veth; I liked Beau's arc a lot but she started as one of my favorites and was later surpassed by a number of other characters and I think it was in part because I liked her getting things the hard way and also doing more with the Cobalt Soul and Dairon than she ultimately ended up doing.

Caleb - I think I kind of covered it with my post about his trauma recently, namely, I think he's a fantastic character and Liam did a great job and also whenever someone acts like Caleb is objectively correct at all times or should have murdered everyone in the assembly it's a MASSIVE red flag.

Veth - weirdly unpopular in this fandom but I like her more as a halfling. Also, I actually think arcane trickster was a phenomenal fit for Sam mechanically even though he wants more spells and would love to see him do another 1/3rd or half caster.

Jester - I feel I've covered my main one repeatedly (people LOVED to talk about her agency and the second she kissed the wrong person she was suddenly a stupid baby girl who didn't know what was good for her) so I think my other one is that as with all of Laura's characters she is much more fun, especially early on, if you lean into the fact that she does say a lot of shit that makes people really uncomfortable or annoyed instead of trying to turn this into a SHE LOVES SO HARD AND NO ONE LISTENS because both can be true, your love can come out in ways that people are very annoyed by, this is how cats feel all the time actually, and so much of Jester's arc is figuring out how to share this love in a way that other people can appreciate without losing her own personality in the process.

Caduceus - I've also covered this a zillion times but I will say it again, Caduceus deflected so many attempts to check in with him and he does not want to like, fix Molaesmyr, he was not neglected, he was built out to be a character who was more of a low-key support guy and Taliesin did an incredible job with that.

Molly - honestly my unpopular opinion remains that I simply found him very well built and a great concept and also irritating as hell, and the Nein's response to him was valid but the fandom's post-death lionization was very tiresome. I'm genuinely not sure the party could have bonded the way they ultimately did if someone who was throwing around "enthrall" like that were still around.

Kingsley - now, while I don't mind if you dislike Kingsley, acting like Kingsley and Molly are the same character is actually equal to the not liking Fjord thing; that's an instant "this person's interpretations of media are so bad I am blocking so as to not accidentally see anything they have to say."

Yasha - I'm not sure I have any unpopular opinions? I do think she is at times underappreciated but I also think specifically she is, like Caleb, a victim of the terrible and weirdly common fandom idea that the only way to move on from abuse and horror is by killing everyone and everything that hurt you rather than rejecting violence and finding your own path and your own meaning.

Essek - sticking specifically to his role in the Nein, again, I love Essek and he is a member of the party and also he is an NPC and acting deeply offended that he doesn't get the same treatment in terms of comic books or merch or appearances in one-shots is very childish.

#answered #Anonymous #cr tag #unpopular opinions ask meme

[a-teacup-of-golden-cracks]

tw this is a trauma post but it's also a narrative I'm proud of. Suicide and self harm (mental and physical) will be mentioned.

To help those who aren't me understand, I think in part in references since it is both easier and more fun than creating original thoughts.

(1): reference to the videogame Omori

(2): reference to the movie The Dark Knight (take a guess as to why I like and relate to the joker)

(3): reference to a song I like (in order, HOPE by NF, Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park, Love the Subhuman Self by AISHA, Arc System Works, and Jamison Boaz)

(4): a random saying I heard and enjoyed

“No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man behind blue eyes. No one knows what it's like to be hated, to be fated to telling only lies”

“Behind blue eyes” by The Who

Welcome to the nonsensical abyss of my mind, you've been here as long as you can remember (1). By reading this you're getting to see my thoughts without translation. Nothing here makes sense to anyone except me, I make references others rarely understand. But allow me to tell the story of how what you see now came to be. You wanna know how I got these scars (2)? “I spent years of my life holdin’ on to things I never should've kept, full of hatred, years of my life wishin I was someone different looking for some validation.” (3)

Middle school was a special sort of subtle hell for me, it stole things without me noticing. First it was my feeling of impervious safety when a kid laughed at a genuine heartfelt remark I made. Then it was my trust that friends would never betray me and always respect me when they wouldn't stop making jokes at my expense. Slowly, steadily I descended into paranoia and loneliness, and thus my contentedness with life was stolen. The ax forgets yet the tree never does(4).

A secret hidden issue that I only found out this year was that the ADHD meds I needed to take to function may have been causing the paranoia to start with. I still don't know how to feel about that, that all my issues and trauma might stem from something that's not even real.

Once I started high school it became more and more apparent that nobody liked me. At least not for very long. I never learned to function in middle school so I was still struggling with what everyone else already knew and mastered. Giving a compliment and sexual harassment, would you like to know the difference? I would've but nobody told me until after I'd been punished.

Intent vs impact, I never intended to hurt anyone yet my impact was that I did more often than not. So I cut off the things that hurt people, removed them from my mind. Who needs humor? Not me if I can't use it right. Who needs to give compliments? Not me if I can't say it right. Who needs to hug people to show affection because it's your primary love language and you want to show everyone how much you like and appreciate them? …… not me…. if I must…. to not hurt them…

You see where my inner pain starts now? Where the scars in my mind begin? There were two things I could never bear to cut and slice away, my name and my kindness. Most trans people change their names to align more with their gender but I decided no. I am done changing things for other people to accept me more, they never do. My name is Daniel and it's the sum of my entire being. If I am non-binary, or a woman, or some eldritch horror that everyone fears and that has lost every shred of humanity because of the things I've endured, then my name represents all of that. It's not my issue if people make a poor assumption about my name because of what they think it should be.

Maybe I don't even want to be human anymore if all that humans have shown me is hate. All throughout high school it was nothing but hate or dislike shown to me, barely any kindness outside of my family. So I isolated myself from everyone, to avoid those who hated and to not burden my family with my issues. I'd handle it by myself like I always had in the past and I'd be ok.

I was not ok.

I was rageful. I was tearing myself apart more and more and more internally, only my desire to never hurt anyone kept me from tearing the school down brick by brick with all the students inside it. But maybe… could it be I was the exception and the problem? Could it be I'm the one who deserves to hurt for the pain I've caused? Should I hurt myself? And so I tried once, a good solid punch to the forehead that didn't make me feel any better and never tried again.

The pain I deserved wasn't physical, it was mental and so I gave myself infinite mental pain. What an idiot I was for giving that compliment when clearly in retrospect it was sexual harassment, what a dumbass I was for saying that joke, looking back I deserve to lose my entire friend group over it. Maybe I'd be better off if I didn't exist anymore if I caused more harm than good and could never seem to learn or improve. The thoughts I had then… and sometimes still now… it's so hard to remember that looking into the past makes everything obvious in the worst ways possible…

But there was a light eventually, someone who told me all that was wrong. Someone I met online and will never see in person, someone I messed up horribly with and yet she still forgave me. Thank you infinitely June. You showed me that monsters can be good.

So I steeled my resolve and used my rage at myself to look inward and outward and found that I was being mistreated and misunderstood. I shouldn't kill myself to not exist or hurt people because I would improve and I could make others improve. So I stood at the very last meeting in front of the whole school and spoke the truth of my mind with as much respect and rage as I could muster. So much pain and anger and hate and sadness I'd endured and I showed all of it to the entire high school of 300 people.

I've never felt more satisfied in my life than when the headmaster of the school himself asked if there was anything he could do for me and I said no. I've never felt more proud when I met with him two days later and asked for a neurodivergent support group to be created for the middle and high school, and he said yes. Half a year later my brother told me that the headmaster stuck to his word and did more than I asked. I never felt more vindicated than when I was told by my only friend that he'd heard people making school shooter jokes after I stood up and told my story.

And so I started to heal. My humor, I did need that. How could I be happy if I could never make myself laugh? My desire to give joy and be kind, I needed that. How could I not fulfill the purpose in life I'd made for myself? My ability to hug and love and be happy with others, I needed that. Desperately. “I want to heal, I want to feel what I thought was never real, like there was somewhere I belong.”(3) I just needed to find better people who understood. I reconnected with my family and told my pain and tried in every possible way to show how sorry and sad I was for cutting them off. I couldn't stitch the old bits back onto me but maybe I could grow something new. Something I wanted and I loved, for me.

I can never fully heal, that's why you see the holes in my form, but I've incorporated them now, so that they help me as much as they hurt. I carry on and love my subhuman self, accept me for me and go back to being with humans (3). I give them the kindnesses I can but only after I do that for myself. This is the kindness and respect I give to me, the biggest change I made, because I deserve it as much as everyone else. Now close your eyes and you'll leave this dream (1).

“But my dreams, they aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be.”

Behind Blue Eyes by the Who

[wolves-in-the-world]

tags on krakenartificer's post about a leverage au where nate enters the priesthood but ends up running cons for people who come to him for help anyway:

#now i need a crossover episode of catholic priest nate who's still running leverage style shenanigans #with father brown [via @trivalentlinks]

thank you for making me stare at the wall in fascination and horror about this crossover

they'd be occasional allies occasional confidantes they'd go behind each other's backs once or twice and only kinda regret it. This nate hasn't gone through the same loss as in canon, but that wouldn't make him a whole lot softer, so he'd be fundamentally irritated with father brown - his tested and unshakeable belief and his optimism about the human condition - and father brown would be generally concerned about everyone on nate's end, and nate not the least of it. They'd play chess together and be fairly well-matched. They'd visit each other's confessionals to check in.

we'd get some interesting acknowledgement of father brown's "I'm nice and simple and harmless" grift (which I could also call power negativity) which is only kind of a grift because he really is that nice and harmless beneath, except that he uses it to get information from people.

flambeau would be utterly thrilled and (playfully?) insulted not to be father brown's only criminal associate.

the leverage crew would be correctly suspicious of flambeau, I think, but sophie would greet him by name - possibly with a kiss to the cheek, possibly eyeing him like he's a viper in their midst - and reference some very improbable occasion when they were after the same prize. He mentions she was using a different name then; he doesn't say what it was. Bonus points if he also had his eye on the dagger in the Rashomon Job but had the flu / was unexpectedly in prison / had to attend a grandmother's funeral at the time.

I have this certainty in my mind that the leverage crew would be largely dismissive of sid's abilities and he'd kind of snort and roll his eyes about it - he's at worst a common criminal and very lower class, so he's used to being understimated - and surprise them with his connections or lock-picking or holding his own in a brawl or fixing an elderly car in the quickest dirtiest way imaginable. (Parker would decide she likes him then; the others would be reassured after seeing how gentle he is when talking with her.) He'd also nope out of leverage's business at a sensible time, because father brown's rubbed off on him and he doesn't actually want that kind of danger - unless the con's personal.

(I'm not sure whether to set this in leverage time or drag it back to father brown's 1950s so I'm settling for mashing the two together and pretending it's not an issue. See also: geography.)

… father brown would have I think one harrowing conversation with eliot where they mention their time in the military, the marks that killing people and losing people leaves on a person - father brown already does this in canon, tells someone it's unfair that they're mired in trauma and alcoholism when he found his faith through trauma instead, it floored me - and after brushing on repentance and god here, he wouldn't bring it up with eliot again. (I think father brown varies on this in canon, frankly, but he often respects that kind of boundary, and I think he'd recognise a wound so sore it should be left to heal however it can.)

(yes I'm playing with fictional priests like barbie dolls but no I'm not comfortable with the conversion aspects, so apologies and bear with me while I skate on past that.)

(he'd describe eliot as a good person, once, or as someone working very hard at it. Eliot would be on edge about that for the entire con, finding a little too much uneasy satisfaction in getting to knock people out and play the bad guy - play at the simpler stuff he used to do. Sophie might catch father brown for a word about it; father brown wouldn't be that clumsy again.)

I think father brown and nate would both talk bunty out of getting involved in a joint kembleford-leverage operation except in the most innocent way possible. The problem is she actually would make a good getaway driver, and she's thrilled with the idea, but she's already had some run-ins with the press and the law and can't risk another; luckily she's better used as a distraction elsewhere.

and I'm sorry to do this, but I think lady felicia's husband would be a mark or potential mark at one point. It would be fraught.

(the main reason I haven't recommended father brown's heist episode (s7e10), aside from not having a background on the politics in it, is that it shows lady felicia as a victim and pulls the heist on her behalf. The show largely convinced me to ignore the messy reality of her and her husband's inherited wealth, but that episode made me kinda uncomfortable - which is a shame, because seeing these characters pull a heist was fucking great.)

mrs mccarthy would be used against her will or knowledge as a distraction while someone's pockets are picked. She isn't told until afterwards, and then only half by accident. She is, of course, horrified. Father brown was absolutely the one to suggest it in planning, but flambeau slips in mid-apology to smoothly take the blame.

I could in fact go on and this is in fact a problem.

—

editing to continue:

I'm actually thinking that father brown might approach eliot from an ex-military angle and not a Religious Authority angle at all - eliot was raised protestant, after all, and it's an entirely different vibe. And I have to think eliot's guarded around father brown for the very fact that he's a priest and seems to mean it in a way that nate, I feel, wouldn't. So they may avoid the topic entirely, or as close to it as they can when brushing on, well, eliot's entire moral injury situation. Which is good news for me.

bunty would admire parker for being different and capable and getting up to exciting things, though would probably fail at any attempts at friendship until she thinks to ask what parker likes doing and ends up learning to pick pockets that evening. The second those two are around buildings tall enough to rappel down she's in danger. (The second parker can slip away at night she's giving the church a go; father brown gives her a look the night before and quietly warns her about the dodgy roof.)

mrs mccarthy decides fairly quickly that hardison is a very nice young man (his nana instincts are online and functional) even if he spends far too much time on the wretched computer. She's determined to feed him and half the time he's determined to find ways to politely refuse, though the strawberry scones are actually pretty good.

she's appalled by eliot's job, and fiercely territorial of her kitchen when he offers help, even just cleaning up, but once she's seen him get in the way of trouble she's absolutely catching his arm and half hiding behind him in any crisis real or perceived. (She still doesn't approve of him.)

lady felicia sees hardison and eliot as two very different kinds of novelties and does some talking to hardison about tech (mostly listening and marveling) and some quietly ogling both of them, and especially eliot once she's seen him fighting. (Eliot unfortunately turned on his charm when he realised she sort of expected it. She doesn't get to chat with charming southern gents all that often - it's very shallow, and she's not serious about it.)

thank goodness bunty's too young for eliot so I don't have to go there. He has to tuck her out of sight in a barn at some point when trouble's headed their way; when the mess is almost cleaned up and she's grabbed a rifle from somewhere to tell the the remaining goon to clear off, with every appearance of competence, eliot takes it from her and disarms it with a smear of blood under his nose and a slightly betrayed expression.

hardison and sid get along, aside from a little initial insecurity on the parker front, and get to bitch a bit about flambeau, who hardison mistrusts from the start.

flambeau... he admires parker, from a distance - professionally and not very effusively - but after he watches her work for a while he seems to realise who she was trained by, and tells her as much. He says he was too, for a very short time, and it's unclear if he'd gain anything from making it up. Says that he and archie had a difference of opinion - and has a way of saying it that implies there might have been fire involved.

#hello. hi. sorry folks. I do in fact recommend father brown (the bbc show) SO LONG AS #you're aware of and comfortable with the fact that he IS a catholic priest. #messy show kind show I had the flu when I fell in love with it #flambeau and sophie would communicate in ways the other characters wouldn't understand and low key flirt like it's breathing #both nate and lady felicia would be jealous and have to DEAL with the fact that they're jealous #this is going to end with nate leaving the priesthood to get to know sophie and run cons with the team isn't it #with father brown's blessing-and-cautions-and-please-stay-in-touch (which he obviously does) #father brown #leverage #orig #this is a separate post to spare the previous OP because I got a bit carried away #and trivalent sorry for referencing characters you don't really know yet!! this just sort of Happened I'm as surprised as you are #can I make this make sense enough to fit one episode's worth of story. maybe. #it would in fact be concerningly plausible to write a modern day fic with a small english village that's apparently stuck in the 1950s #my head's in my hands about this country tbh #catholicism cw #christianity cw #this post may self-destruct after a while we'll see

[imperiuswrecked]

What is the difference between fanon Namor and well written, in character Namor?

Fanon!Namor - misogynistic, alpha male, Chad, will fuck anyone and not care about them aka womanizer, racist, arrogant asshole to the point of him being super cruel for laughs, straight white male self insert fantasy, rapist.

Canon!Namor - noble, confident, respects women, has both good and bad sides; can be soft and emotional, can be hard and closed off emotionally. Arrogant as fuck but backs up his arrogance with his character, like yes he knows he is the best so you peasants should fawn at his feet, has a kind heart, is cold/cruel to those who have harmed those under his protection/are not worthy of his respect, hates bullies and nazis, flirty and charming, loyal, honest to the point he doesn't sugar coat his thoughts, deeply lonely and tragic.

A lot of people think Namor is this weird creepy incel who sexually assaults women and treats them like trash, and makes other men look like Betas, when he isn't and has actually only been in three long term romances and each time they ended (with their deaths) it hurt him alot.

Or people think he is racist because he drowned Wakanda when he was possessed by the Phoenix Force.

Or people think he's a bad character because they personally don't like his character traits: Does Namor have character flaws? Yeah, alot of them, he's headstrong, one of the most arrogant characters you will ever meet, he isn't shy about killing people he deems necessary to kill so you won't find him conflicted about murder, he is not a humble character even if he does have moments of being humble. People who don't read his comics by writers who get his character won't see the moments he lets down the salty crusty shield around his heart and shows his softer side, he deeply cares for his people, he cares about the oceans, and wild creatures/animals. He likes animals more than he likes people. Namor has severe emotional trauma, canon ptsd, and suffers from bouts of depression. He suffered bullying and abuse as child for being half human/atlantean. He was canonically raped by his wife's murderess. Yet no matter what happens he still puts the lives of the people he has under his protection before his own, he'll use his own body as a shield for those who need it, and he never gives up.

People will read Namor written by writers who don't know his backstory or character beats and never read a comic where he plucks a baby flamingo out of polluted water and looks on in horror at the devastation humans have done to nature, or carries dying atlantean children in arms, or vows to watch over his friends grave, or stands up for his friend others deem is a monster and want to send them into space because Namor knows what its like for others to treat him like a monster, or they don't see his fun impish side, or a bunch of other little moments that make up who he is. They don't see that a lot of the times when Namor is angry at the surface world he has legitimate reasons to be upset and isn't just some crazy sea king.

All they see is a cold cruel sneering king who wants to fuck a married woman and drown wakanda.

I usually judge how writers write Namor by how they have him treat women, because Namor is one of those characters who was raised by a single mother, he connects with women more than with men characters, alot of his supporting cast had a lot of dynamic women. Fans who get upset that Namor was mean to their faves are weak. Namor isn't going to like or get along with any men characters who hasn't proven themselves to him meanwhile he is generally more trusting of women.

Namor isn't an easy character, and not everyone vibes with a character like him. I do, and I deeply love Namor's character.

A lot of Fanon!Namor is a result of people not reading his comics and seeing what a complex and interesting character he is so they reduce him to one or two traits. Marvel Writers are not exempt to their Fanon!Namor writing, because there are writers who do the character really well in a way that lines up with the general 80 years of characterization and others who just want to use him for their plots and not care about his character.

It's frustrating as a fan to see this constant trashing of his character from fans, and from Marvel, but I honestly feel sorry for people who don't get to see what a morally complex and interesting character Namor is.

#namor #namor mckenzie #namor the sub mariner #imp answers #yeah this got long #fanon!namor my behated

[hyperfixated-homo]

For your horror au, would Casey junior be in the cosmic horror with Donnie because of the whole Krang or would that be it’s own horror genre? (Sorry the only horror I know is psychological and that’s just with arg…) would hypno be the big bad of this world because of his hypnotic abilities? (Like that episode close don’t make the turtle)

Also since the gang have to keep going back and forth what if they found a way to mind melt and help one another? It might be more difficult or easy with Leo then, say Raph, but just a idea! And oooh slasher Mikey! Final girl, Mikey!! (That the term I think?) You think with him being into therapy he would be good for psychological…oh what if one day then end up switching horror?

Raph should totally take the creepy doll and give it a makeover…no mean ghost, but a pretty friend now!

I'm going to try to put as many characters as I can in different genres, so I don't think Casey would be cosmic horror. If I end up including him, I wanted to put him in apocalyptic horror (which I honestly only learnt is a thing a couple days ago)! That or if I put F!Leo in somewhere, I think that he would be apocalyptic horror, while Casey would represent alien horror in general.

I wasn't planning on having a "big bad" but honestly that's a really interesting idea. The idea of Hypno using his powers to make the turtles experience those sorts of horrifying events is... sort of terrifying. I kinda love it. I'm not sure that I'm going to use it though, since I'm leaning towards the horrors being a result of a family curse right now. Although, I think that if they ever had to fight him in this au, they would find him MUCH scarier than they do in canon.

Mind melding would be so much fun, but as you said, I don't think everyone would be able to do it. Imagine it as an angst point though? Later in the story, when they have all become closer, they learn that through their family bond, they are capable of reading each other's minds.

Mikey, who is the most connected to his ninpo, finds it the easiest, almost chattering in his brothers' brains by accident. With a bit of training, Raph learns how to do it too, opening up to them in a way that he doesn't feel he can usually. He finds it much easier to explain his thoughts when he doesn't have to say them out loud. Later, in the midst of a breakdown, possibly dissociating, Donnie mind melds with them too. He is incapable of speech but wants, needs them to understand how he feels.

The only one who could never connect is Leo.

It doesn't upset them, of course. Leo had always struggled with the more mystical side of his powers, unable to trust himself even in the heat of the moment to do what is right. It upsets him, though, because the issue isn't that he doesn't trust himself. He knows what that kind of blockade feels like, and he knows how to deal with it and move on.

He can't mind meld because he doesn't trust them, no matter how much he wants to or how hard he tries. And he doesn't even know where to start explaining that to his brothers.

Anyways, sorry for that little ramble. 10/10 concept though.

Slasher Mikey makes me very happy. I think he should get to stab people. Just a little. As a treat. :)

Also, the idea of them switching genres has passed my mind before. There are two ways that could go, the number 1 being that they find it sort of funny/boring because they don't actively fear those things, or... they come out with more scars than they came in with.

ALSO for that last point. If the turtles ever end up processing their trauma and learning to vibe with their universes instead of actively fearing them, I would absolutely love to make them just chill with their respective monsters. Raph getting to play with the ghosts. Mikey getting advice from a serial killer. Donnie getting an extraterrestrial pet. It would be AMAZING.

Thank you for the ask, this was really fun to answer aslkjdalkjdsa.

#ty for the ask! #rottmnt #tmnt #rottmnt horror au #tmnt leo #tmnt raph #tmnt donnie #tmnt mikey #ty for the tasty ideas. much enjoy <3

[dailyanarchistposts]

The power of baseline trust

I think we cannot have any kind of trust in a mass of 100 million individuals, they will produce the horror. But if we bring everything to the human scale, to the communities, to small groups of people, then we can really trust that the people will have the wisdom to discuss and to generate consensus.

—Gustavo Esteva[118]

We have argued that Empire’s institutions are a ceaseless attack on conviviality, and we want to hold onto emergent forms of trust and responsibility as common notions. In this context, we want to share an excerpt from our interview with Kelsey Cham C.:

carla and Nick: Can you talk about the potential of trusting folks up front, and how you saw it play out at the Thistle? Kelsey: Yeah totally, I think that’s awesome. Actually I think you [carla] were one of the first people to actually trust me without even knowing me. And I was like what the hell? Why? Why? How do you know I’m not gonna just fuck everything up and run away and steal a bunch of money and go? How do you know that? But in trusting me, I was like, holy shit: I trust this situation and this collective twenty times more and I want to give back to it because I’ve been given this opportunity to do something that I’ve never been able to do before, which is awesome. But I have been thinking about trust and how with trauma we build all these walls and we start to mistrust everything—I have a pretty hard time trusting people—there’s a point where I’m like this is too personal and too intimate and now my walls are going to go up. I was sitting and thinking about how it’s probably one of the best ways to break down the walls of the system is to break down the walls around each other first, and I think the only way we can break down those walls is with trust. And that’s the core thing you said. Joyful militancy and trust, and compassion, and humility are all tied together: in other cultures, traditional cultures—I don’t know a lot about this—but from what I know, older Indigenous cultures have these ideas of respect, humility, compassion, and I think in karate I’ve seen it and it’s funny because karate is a martial art, a fighting tool, and one of the things that we learn is that we have to love everyone including our opponents. And that’s the toughest thing to say in this community. People are like, “what the fuck, how can you say that, you can’t just love your abuser.” And it’s true, I can’t just let go of everything. It’s not that, it’s being compassionate, I think, to situations.

carla and Nick: Can we have the expectation of trust up front? Is it an alternative to the idea that trust always needs to be earned? Kelsey: Yeah that’s like our society: you gotta earn everything; you earn money, you build trust, and respect. You gotta prove to me that I should trust you, or respect you. And that’s an interesting point; I have a tough time with that, trusting people. But I think it’s a feedback system: probably the more you allow yourself to trust people initially, probably the more well-reciprocated that will be. I felt it: you trust me and I didn’t understand it. That’s how fucked up our system is. Even though I didn’t do anything wrong, or to harm you, I didn’t understand how someone could trust me without knowing me first.[119]

At the core of this conversation is the potential—never an obligation or guarantee—of trusting people up front. In a practical sense, it’s our experience that when people offer trust up front, most people rise to the occasion. Without turning it into a commandment that everyone should follow, we want to affirm the ways that expanding up-front trust can be transformative and enabling. It can feel strange and scary to be in situations where people think well of us and trust us to do our best, without having to “earn it” or “prove it,” but it also can be incredibly freeing, making us feel more capable. This is a trust not only in individuals, but in unfolding processes with open-ended potential, without fixed rules. In this sense, it is trust in joy: in emergent capacities to increase collective powers of acting.

But what does this look like? It happens in all kinds of subtle, relational ways. One of the things that made the Thistle different from many other youth projects was that everyone in the collective had keys to the space and were free to use them anytime. No one had to go through a formal interview process, or sign over their life to have a set. Many bureaucratic procedures like this are based in distrust, as are many radical spaces that replicate institutional norms of Empire. But this up-front trust also entailed responsibility: it required that folks met regularly to check in, talk about how things were going, and so on. These practices helped to create an environment of shared connection and kindness, a space filled with friendship and mutual support, and ultimately a place to build community.

When we have been involved in movements, spaces, and forms of life imbued with this sense of trust, along with a fierce sense of mutual responsibility, we have noticed that it gave us an ability to be brave, to try new things, to be vulnerable, and to take risks. This is not a politics of “let’s all get along” pacifism. Writing in the context of collective resistance to evictions in the United States, Sitrin argues that trust is intimately connected to direct action:

It is not only about changing relationships and “feeling good” but inextricably linked to direct action. It is about creating the alternatives that we now desire and need. It is using the base of trust so as to occupy homes and prevent foreclosures and evictions, all the while knowing that to call on one’s neighbor means they will come out and support you—as has been done many hundreds of times throughout the US in only the past few months. People doing eviction defense in support of their neighbors even speak of how they might not have “liked” that particular person, but that they “felt” a connection to them and cared so much about what happened to them that they were risking possible arrest by putting their bodies between the marshals and the person’s home. From these relationships, in dozens and dozens of neighborhoods and communities across the country, networks of support and care have been formed. Neighbors go door-to-door to let others know that they can (and will) be defended if they need it, and also to just share stories, food, and support.[120]

These conceptions of care, trust, and openness are not new ideas. On the contrary, Gustavo Esteva and Madhu Prakash argue that what they call hospitality—a radical openness, generosity, and trust in others—is common among many traditions that have not been lost to bureaucratic institutions, industrial dependence, and other trappings of “development.” Among those less entangled in Empire’s radical monopolies, hospitality remains alive:

Common people learn to trust each other and be trustworthy in ways that are rapidly vanishing among the “social minorities.” Their common faith is seldom deposited in abstract causes or phantoms, like human kind. Instead, it is entrusted to real men and women, defining the place to which they belong and that belongs to them. Rather than the private hope and public despair of the “social minorities” (some hope for their personal lives, no hope for public affairs) …we usually find expressed among them a common hope in their own capacity to deal with their predicaments, whether good, bad or indifferent. Given that condition, they can be both hospitable and responsible.[121]

The notion of hospitality is not just about welcoming guests; it connotes a sensibility of trust based on people’s sense of their capacity to face the world together. Being held in this way also enables people to be open to strangers: not simply “tolerant” but capable of open-ended encounters, generosity, and curiosity. To encounter a stranger and be open to difference in this way is not at all the same as tolerance. Liberal tolerance treats individuals as atomized entities who are required to put up with each other, with the state as a universal arbiter. Hospitality starts not from rights-bearing individuals but from a sensuous and lively world, composed through common notions that have evolved to sustain joy or conviviality. To be “hosted” is to be allowed to encounter a world, to be invited into it. For the same reason, it is not individuals who are trusting; there is no self-enclosed individual who “chooses” to trust, but bundles of relationships in which the capacity for trust is activated and drawn out of people.

This is not a romanticization of “premodern” or “preindustrial” cultures, but a recognition that Empire’s radical monopolies are uneven and contested. Esteva and Prakash insist that people are always recovering, sustaining, and reinventing convivial forms of life. This can be seen in insurrectionary spaces, in disasters, in a whole multiplicity of projects and struggles: anywhere that people find the capacity to formulate problems together and carve out some wiggle room from Empire’s monopoly over life.

#joy #anarchism #joyful militancy #resistance #community building #practical anarchy #practical anarchism #anarchist society #practical #revolution #daily posts #communism #anti capitalist #anti capitalism #late stage capitalism #organization #grassroots #grass roots #anarchists #libraries #leftism #social issues #economy #economics #climate change #climate crisis #climate #ecology #anarchy works #environmentalism

[quidfree]

Your katsuki, shouto and todobaku pet peeves respectively (If you like reading them too)? And my sincere thanks for providing such precious gems called your fics 💖

honestly i don't read much bnha fic or even that much fic in general bc i'm usually too busy writing it. and when i do read fic it's for weird very niche/dead fandoms or pairings i feel like lol.

but my pet peeves are always just any measure of OOC, with differing levels of tolerance for certain choices. let me see what's some questionable stuff i've come across uhhh

katsuki:

aggro sexy dom daddy vibe... especially when it involves any kind of pet names. no this guy would not be calling anyone 'baby girl'. he is not a tiktok mafia au trend.

on the other end of the spectrum, complete soft baby blushy tsundere. he told midoriya to jump off a roof bc he had no future in middle school okay he is... not that.

either way too dramatically brooding/'emo' or completely lacking self awareness. bonjour nuance

also just get his friendships right please. you should be able to make him part of a solid friend group without it feeling like a completely different person. like i think he'd be a very good friend down the line but that doesn't mean i can see him being #goofy besties with everyone.

shouto:

well similar to above either making him too cutesy soft and fragile (todoroki shouto? certified bad motherfucker todoroki shouto? backtalks cops and throws people out of arenas via icebergs? nah) or making him just like. extremely bland stoic. he has a personality y'all.

trying too hard to make him like.. #relatable or sassy is also always a bit too obvious. like if it sounds like a joke someone on tiktok would made realistically shouto would not be making it yk. 'it's the trauma for meeee' i don't think so....

gotta strike the right balance for the family drama. it's bad for him but he's also really emotionally resilient.

todobaku:

when they're not funny/don't banter. have you met these mfs their every interaction is comedy gold.

like just OOC in general!!!!!! relationship content tends to warp either or both characters to fit a trope instead of bending a trope to fit the characters, which is just a waste. if it's not fundamentally a relationship of equals instead of one strong/one needy chara i'm not interested and that's that.

them having very... 'basic' relationship dynamics where they're netflix romcom vibes and have like normal dating progression. first of all adapt romance to the people involved, but also i just do not believe that like. todoroki would be out there texting anyone 'baby ily sm <3333' yk what i mean.

either party being angst central dramatics for the other person to sentimentally ~fix~ as if they don't share the vast bulk of their trauma / have similarly stoic ways of dealing with angst. i'm all for h/c but not melodrama. especially don't enjoy when people add random shit to canon to justify drama like sexual abuse. just not for me

this isn't even about todobaku specifically but i've never seen a good ABO fic in my life. and i do say 'see' because i admittedly tend to not get past the descriptions.

ok that's all i can think of off the top of my head. but please feel free to tell me about the worst ones you've encountered i love to hear people's horror stories.

#qui parle #qui repond #tdbk #anon #todobaku #a lot of ooc is just people projecting. that's the truth #let me edit the tags on this so that one anon doesn’t lose their shit. i say things in jest on here sometimes fyi. yk bc it’s my blog.

[godspeedmajortom]

Miscellaneous Malevolent musings now that I've caught up with the podcast releases...

Loved the "Dunwich Horror" vibes in season 3

Seasons 2 and 3 worked better for me than Season 1, I think because the shape of the arc and the overall goal was clearer

Could do without the amazement at "ruins older than this country," though. America is such a recent creation, and there were people here well before it. Ancient structures should not be inconceivable. Not that I want to go in the HPL direction of native peoples being corrupted by eldritch gods, more that it's ignorant to assume there was nothing here before the colonists. There are better ways to marvel at the impossibility of a place, like the scale of the structure or an unnatural texture or shine or echo or non-local stone (like obsidian in New England lol).

Not sure if this has been confirmed or refuted anywhere, but I headcanon that Arthur wrote the “Some Would Call It Madness” song

Arthur, John is not your conscience. He has no authority to tell you whether you're a good man. He's still learning what "good" means. He's a friend who can provide a second opinion at best. I know you're lonely and you want reassurance, but he does not have the human frame of reference to give you a valid answer. Sorry, dude.

On that note, Arthur seems to have two categories for beings: person and monster. Monsters are evil and should be punished, people deserve respect and can grow from their mistakes. I don’t think he has a clear philosophy yet for what distinguishes them, beyond his gut feelings or rationalizations for his actions (see: cultists are irredeemable and deserve what's coming to them, certainly not people who maybe made a bad choice, got in over their heads, and could use a second chance). Like, John is right that he and Yellow are fundamentally the same, however much Arthur wants John to be in the Good and person-like category. The main difference is that Arthur trauma bonded with one and came to like him, then expected the other to replace him immediately under different circumstances and was disappointed when he didn't. I'm not sure where Arthur puts himself on the person-monster scale. I mean, he considers himself a person, and he typically thinks he's in the right. But he toes the line with cruelty sometimes in a way that does concern him, and he still has so much guilt and shame about Faroe. He's complicated, that's the point of the story. I can see him going full "he who fights monsters," or embracing mercy and forgiveness as human virtues.

Arthur giving the cana water in the prison pits takes on a new light after hearing the whole "I am the captain of my ship" poem and hearing what happened to Faust

Petulant child John is still the best. He is especially childlike in Ep29. The movies! The handkerchief! He has so much ambition and so little agency.

On the other side of the John coin, I'm very curious about how John actually killed Emily and Parker, especially given his limited power on Earth. I imagine it's something that can occur in the ritual of opening his book. The details will surely be revealed at the least opportune moment.

Speaking of coins: Kayne, you sick fuck, I love you, what are you, what the hell game are you playing. He clearly has more direct influence on Earth than the King in Yellow, and he has some kind of influence in the Dreamlands/with the King to return John to Arthur. Presumably, he needs both John and Yellow, maybe also Arthur, for whatever he’s planning. Or maybe he just wants to be entertained by Arthur inevitably blowing up at John for lying to him and betraying his trust again. Fun times for everyone!

#malevolent #malevolent spoilers

[dpsisquared]

Let’s do the CYL4 winners.

DimiClaude, Dimigard, EdelClaude, LysiClaude and Lysigard? If that’s too many ships at once then how about Dimigard and LysiClaude?

Okay so you have brought up the only two ships that kind of fall into my dislike category. 🙈 So just a reminder that I have no beef with the people that ship them, more power to them and everyone should have fun with their ships. I'll answer quickly for them because I don't want to put out too many negative vibes. The main reason I don't like these ships is because I don't ship Dimitri with anyone but Byleth, ever. That's really what all comes down to!

Dmcl-- honestly I just don't really get this one. I don't think their personalities really complement each other. I worry about Claude's ability to fully open up to Dimitri, esp in the circumstances when Dimitri is still a king. However dmcl artists consistently draw the most handsome Mitris!! And I have several friends that write amazing dmcl fics so it seems like a very creative thriving ship so forgive my lack of vision 🙏💙

Dmgard-- I'll be honest it's kinda my notp. NOT AT ALL because I'm some kind of Edelgard hater, it's because I want them to be siblings 😊 I feel like both of them would get more benefit from family than they would from another romance interest. Besides that, I am a baby when it comes to angst and the ship (in canon) is necessarily tragic which I just couldn't handle.

Edelclaude-- I definitely see the vision after Hopes! I like the push and pull power couple. I think it would take a loooooong time for them to let down their guard, so I especially like the flavor of political marriage -> friendly respect -> love, to give them that time to grow together.

Lysiclaude-- they are funny together, I always saw it more platonic. But shout out to slotumn who has like 300+ lysiclaude fics in every imaginable flavor and is single handedly getting people on board with this ship. The sheer passion has me changing my mind towards them! Their end card is really sweet too. Not only does Lysithea get cured but she also doesn't have to shoulder the responsibility of being a noble or queen. 💙💙💙

Lysigard-- I like this one! They have a similar energy, maybe from going through similar trauma, but I honestly think it's just coincidence that their personalities are complimentary. They are both blunt with high standards, Lysithea even a bit harsh when she's riled. But I can imagine Edelgard just smiling fondly knowing Lys just wants the best for everyone. Shoutout to this amazing Gothic horror-esque fic that I think of often. (Mind the tags)

#fe3h #fire emblem three houses #asks

[neoarchipelago]

Genuine question. Not hate

Tw//mentions of hyper-sexuality/sa/r*pe/kms

I’ve highlighted main points

I fully believe that people who are hypersexual are entitled to write about sa/r*pe because it’s a way to cope with trauma.Although writing about sa/r*pe when nothing has happened to you is an entirely different thing especially when you don’t tag non-con/dub-con.

Because you aren’t writing to cope with anything,you’re writing because you find a literal crime that affects millions of people kinky.

It’s not kinky it’s weird.

I understand that consent may not be mentioned in their writing because sometimes it’s hard to write consent in,but they make it clear that it is consensual,but when the reader/oc is saying things like “stop.” “Get off.” Etc. it’s fucking weird especially when you haven’t had the trauma.

I understand that maybe just a little that telling someone to k themselves maybe isn’t the best response but what else can you do? I understand that you can block them but it just makes no sense to write about it full stop.

It’s not a kink,it’s a crime and traumatic to the victim especially considering that barely any r*pists are jailed.

So again as a genuine question,why do you think it’s okay to write about sa/r*pe if you don’t have the trauma and therefore aren’t using it to cope.

Hi! First of all thank you for being respectful and having a civilized conversation with me! (It's apparently rare)

You are entitled to your opinion, to think that this kink is weird, or these writings are horrible! And it's totally ok to voice it out! You are doing so, somewhat respectfully!

Writing is a hard activity. Especially in the beginning. It might be hard to write consent or you may simply want to write non-con or dub-con for the plot or not.

I'd like to specify this kink: it's actually called CNC (consensual non consensual) which is the fantasy of being r@ped. Now the mind itself doesn't agree with it in general and people who have this kink find it absolutely horrible and are against it! It's a sexual play between parties. Works of Fiction are a way to roll with the kink! Just like being kidnapped, or tied up! Obviously you'd find it horrible in an actual threatening setting to anyone! But in a sexual, safe environment it can be thrilling.

Now it's not for everyone! Can be very triggering! And I fully agree with you that not putting the Right tags, the right warnings is actually pretty harmful!! It can trigger victims or even traumatize readers!

Writers be very careful about it please!!

That being said, if these warnings are well there, and you're triggered by it, DO NOT READ IT! No one's forcing you to read and these are here to make sure you avoid doing so!!

The part I don't agree with you is "well what can you do?". I think it's quite a very light response to possible suicide as an answer to a work of fiction. Block the Tag, voice your opinion through points and without hate towards people! I avoid reading many things I find triggering, especially works with suicide in them because I'm heavily triggered. But just like people who write murder or horror fics, they're writing fiction and I can't blame them for work!

I protect myself above all. The Internet is wild but it's a free virtual world where saying things isn't light. You'll see things you don't like, you hate or find triggering. And unfortunately you'll seem people pushing others to suicide. Unfortunately... When it works, there's only nothing left behind but grief and words typed.

Please, make the difference between reality and fiction! Writers are writing fictional things! They do not agree with r@pe or murder! No one should kill themselves because of a work of fiction!

And If you're struggling with depression, or these kind of hateful comments please, PLEASE speak out!!! There are people who can help you! You are worth so much!

[ocpdzim]

Hey buddy, we understand that things can get confusing with so many differing opinions, but roleplay accounts are much more popular nowadays, and there are many people willing to help with any possible harassment you'd get.

Claiming endogenous origins can at first seem to help against hidden trauma, as coping with that knowledge can be very scary, but we promise that there are ways to help you with it so that you don't have to feel alone.

However trying to claim genuine endogenous origins can be very harmful as by definition, it's not possible. Systems have been trying to fight against stigmatized ideas ever since science uncovered them, and claiming that just anyone can "be" an endogenic system is incredibly offensive as, just like you, we've gone through genuine horrors that forced us to this point just to survive.

I’m going to do my best to respond to this politely, but fair warning, if I get another ask like this I am not likely to be this polite again.

First of all, it is extremely insulting for you to start this out with ~I know things can be confusing.~ I am not confused, and perhaps if you think everyone who disagrees with you must simply be confused, you aren’t cut out for this sort of discussion.

I didn’t go into this in detail in the post because frankly it was besides the point - my personal experience with these things is not the reason we should be treating others with respect and dignity - but when I was first engaging with the system community I had repressed trauma I was not aware of. Over the years, I have figured it out and come to terms with it and am generally doing fine now, but at the time, when I wasn’t aware of the trauma, it was still pretty obvious that I had a system and it was people like you who made me feel unwelcome in my own community, further worsened my already disastrously bad mental health, and further discouraged me from seeking any kind of help (although, in all fairness on that last point, my past experience with psychiatry was already plenty discouraging on its own). Although I never declared endogenous origin, behavior like yours caused me to feel unsafe and constantly on edge that some asshole might come into my inbox and interrogate me about whether I had enough trauma to justify my own existence. I highly doubt my experience there is unique. Now, here you are with your incredibly condescending ask that can only really be addressed by either ignoring it, telling you to fuck off, or providing personal background that not everyone is as comfortable with sharing as I am. It’s baffling to me that anyone familiar with the online climate surrounding this discussion couldn’t recognize this as a harmful and invasive pattern.

Endogenous systems, on the other hand, have never once made me feel unwelcome or hurt or invalidated. On the contrary, they’ve provided friendship, support, and spearheaded efforts to get accommodations and understanding for systems in groups I’ve been in. I’ve also seen how behavior like yours has hurt friends of mine who are endogenous systems, and to put it bluntly, if they’d been faking then there is no way they wouldn’t have abandoned the grift by now due to the sheer quantity of cruelty they’ve experienced about it and the complete lack of any personal gain. Is it any wonder that I’d rather throw my lot in with them than with the psychiatric system that caused me so much pain and trauma or with a group of bizarrely self-important people online who believe they are entitled to know and be arbiter of other people’s mental health, with no concern for the damage done?

Your experience is not universal and neither is mine. I’m sorry that you experienced trauma, I know firsthand how bad that sucks. However, other systems existing without having experienced trauma - or having experienced trauma but not considering that the source of their system’s existence - is not your business, does not meaningfully affect you, and does not stigmatize us. If anything, it helps destigmatize systems, although there’s still a long way to go on that.

Finally, I would not trust the psychiatric establishment as an authority on what is or isn’t possible. It’s worth noting that even if you DO want to place your complete faith in the bloodstained system that has in the past considered homosexuality a disease and autistic people subhuman, the system which to this day is so rife with abuse that there is a psychiatry survivors movement, it’s easy to google the subject and discover that when speaking about trauma causing systems to form, psychiatric sources tend to use language like “usually” and “almost always” instead of “exclusively,” but frankly I place people’s direct accounts of their own experience far above anything the psychiatric establishment has to say on the matter anyway.

If you can bring me a concrete, real example of how endogenous systems supposedly cause harm to the community - as in, not “It makes me feel invalidated to see systems that are different from me” or “I met an endogenous system who was an asshole once” or “They’re in the way of my respectability politics” or “I just don’t think they exist and somehow that’s my business” or “I’ve never actually seen it happen but here’s a harm I think is maybe possible in theory,” we may continue this discussion. However, I will not be holding my breath for that, because in 7 years I have never once seen any argument against endogenous systems aside from those. Begone from my inbox until and unless you have something actually insightful to say.

#posting from mobile #swearing - #ableism - #medical abuse mention - #homophobia mention - #i know you syscourse types don’t like being called sysmeds but like. #if you’d like people to stop calling you sysmeds you ought to get some arguments that aren’t just transmed bs with a few words swapped out #jfc. #maybe examine why the existence of systems who’ve suffered less than you makes you so uncomfortable #also none of this is even going into how common it is for developmentally disabled people to face trauma that is never recognized as such #either by professionals or themselves #there’s studies out there about autistic trauma that show its common for autistic people to be traumatized by things like loud noise #but it is NOT easy to get a diagnosis of trauma if your trauma was caused by the school fire drill being too loud #and culturally it’s very hard to personally recognize that as trauma #if you want to play trauma police developmentally disabled people will be disproportionately impacted #that ALONE ought to be reason enough to knock it off

[desertdragon]

🌑 New moon - Who is your most mysterious character? Are they different from what people assume?

☀️ Sun - Who is your most cheerful and positive character? Why are they like that? c:

XIV Charas obviously | @pettyeti

Sun:

Lewena was designed on purpose to be the sunniest one of the main six for a few reasons. It was the first thought I had for her, a go lucky person who by appearances can pass for your typical cheery girl character who's in touch with nature and sees little fault in others. I saw this a lot from other people and media because that's how women are expected to be usually. It also shapes her first impression as the harmless white woman you'd expect to see after its been portrayed over and over other places. But I'm tricking you on purpose.

Then while she can be that thing, her subversive traits would be a pragmatic ruthless capacity on top of her raw power. The one that looks and acts the least like power means anything to her should have the most terrifying relationship to it (which snowballed into making her stronger than Vaste at her fullest potential), while still taming it through kindness. Also I thought a bimbo looking white girl for a token white in the group would be funny. Similar to Vaste in the sense his original concept was someone completely incompetent at it becoming WoL.

Plus there had to be someone in the group besides Gan who could best show Vaste to believe in herself through an upbeat example. Whereas the other three (Weyd, Syv, and Mercuo) can do that but, they center better on a serious air of support as opposed to whimsical.

Her backstory wasn't made with the goal of why she's cheerful when we meet her, but it did become part of it I guess. Everyone on the GoTs had to suffer because of fate to become sympathetic to Vaste, and Lewena's represents the wanting to find happiness as well as pretend to be happy after trauma in order to fit in. As well as in order to try moving past what happened. She also never really grew up in a sense, because there were fifteen years of increasing community alienation and realizing her parents didn't love her. Then two years of slavery. Then half a year in Ul'Dah's slums, before at last by chance Weyd rescues her.

She never got to have a normal childhood or process the entirety of what's happened to her, like the five others. Then of course at the start her and Weyd have strains on their mother daughter relationship that ironically can only get better because she developed her happy positive seeking facade. Over time she comes to fully believe it, and doesn't revert to childlike behavior when afraid anymore.

Her cheerfulness at times can become arrogance. It further makes gives her a disturbing feel when she keeps it in her body horror forms for each of her powers. Unlike Vaste who tries rejecting power and suppresses herself, Lewena has bonded with and accepted what she is, like her mother. The Primals aren't parasites the way Vaste views her Hydaelyn enhanced body, they're friends sharing a home in her flesh. As long as they pay that symbiotic relationship respect, Lewena has no reason to turn on them, and no reason to not also show them pep. This on top of wanting her aether reserves endears her to the Primals too; she's not the mortal agonizing over it they'd expected. Her positivity gives her that steel spine to accept them, and it earns their respect in a way.

The thing that isolated her as a child isn't to be cursed but celebrated. Which now that I think about it is close to Gan's perspective toward himself after how he was treated for his skin and heritage back home. Both being opposites to Vaste who fixated on being outcast for those things. Though in terms of powers I think this difference has a lot to do with Lewena coming by her power naturally instead of being forced.

She loves dance too, and the first thing I could think of for that was someone being happy. It makes her feel safe.

Full Moon:

Syv. Because he's the one I've least thought about. Lmao.

But I was thinking about this, he would be the most mysterious because his past haunts him. He's loud and friendly and loves being involved but if you're paying attention, he keeps people at an emotional distance. He can entertain and be an ear or a shoulder to cry on for others, but they're so busy seeing how he takes care of them to realize it's a one way street. He doesn't reveal his past much if ever, and if it comes out he can spin it to make everyone brush what he revealed off.

He's good at distracting you into thinking you know him long enough that unless you're perceptive, you'll think you do know everything there is. He appears simple, because while he does want to atone for his family and his personal sins, he's still hung up on the shame that past entails. He can acknowledge it but he struggles to confront it by admitting anything directly. So only a handful of a handful of people have any idea of the truth at first. Even fewer realize there's a truth they're missing to begin with.

The loud party animal and guy who always has it together really doesn't because he can't yet deal with vulnerability in himself.

#hc #to live this way

[variousqueerthings]

I've been rewatching yellowjackets and something that strikes me about Taissa as an adult is the particular front she puts up at that party she's at, and how that ties into themes about assimilation and masking

And I feel like it can't be accidental that she's black and gay (in a relationship with another black woman) and very… normative - dare I say conservative - in how she presents herself, at least until the cracks start to widen – she's a public persona who's under intense scrutiny, so of course she has to work twice as hard to be respected

I remember the first time I watched it I was very much thinking about the general TV representation of queer characters, and particularly lesbians as "they're gay, but don't worry, they're just like us" (read: not obviously queer/normatively attractive + monogamous/relationship normative) -- which, I imagine, she's gay and she's black so that times 1000 (but don't worry, don't worry, we're not racist or homophobic as long as you conform to be just like us) -- I was so caught up in how I want to see queerness in media, that I missed the obvious, which is of course the way her particular navigation of the plane-crash and aftermath overlaps so heavily with having to "mask" her blackness and queerness

Which is incredibly apparent in episode 4, when Taissa and Simone are trying to get an endorsement at that party. You've got the tacit no-homo-not-racist "this is what a power-couple should look like" which echoes that line from episode 1, when the photographer wants to present her and Simone as “Kennedys” (read: you've checked off the diversity list, and you're respectable/normative/acceptable, not like those kinds of people who don’t fit in, you’re the new face of Society)

Taissa isn’t comfortable from the first second; awkwardly chuckling along, drinking to get through conversations, not-at-all-focused, until she finally breaks and has to run off to calm down on her own

The direct “horror” of what she’s gone through can so easily be read as an allegory for the horror of assimilation. Her trauma manifests the more she’s under scrutiny, because everyone knows deep down that there's something not quite right about you and we’re desperately curious to find out what it is, so we can prove you don’t really belong – we let you eat at the table (but we won’t offer you a vegetarian option), but we know...

And for a second Taissa thinks she’s found someone who can actually be a real ally to her, only to be let down again, and it’s shudder-inducing

TL;DR the horror-trauma of assimilation and masking depicted through the literal horror of Taissa going through possible psychosis in the face of public, white, straight scrutiny of her post-plane-crash-trauma

#yellowjackets #taissa turner #yellowjackets spoilers #also her eating dirt... im connecting the dots meme #this is a bit rambly because i was thinking about it while on a plane and now am spacey #also ofc taissa was always focused on winning and a natural leader so I totally GET that she'd want to do this #(taissa as the front of queer black women's activist rights movement tho.....)

[cosmicjoke]

So I just got through chapter’s 51 and 52 of Attack on Titan, and one thing that stuck out to me in 51, other than Levi’s obvious, deep anger with Erwin, which I’ll talk about in a minute, was how Levi made it a point to tell Connie that he’d done a good job after coming back with Hange from investigating his village.  Once again we see here Levi’s immense compassion for other people.  Nobody else really thought to give Connie that encouragement, despite his obvious distress in that moment.  They all were aware that Connie had lost everyone in his village, including his family, so it really demonstrates Levi’s thoughtfulness, once again, for other people and what they’re going through, that he takes the time to say just a few, kind words to Connie here.  

Then of course, there’s the big exchange in this chapter between Levi and Erwin, and there’s so much going on here.  But the first thing I noticed is the shift in Levi’s attitude, after he notices Erwin smiling upon hearing Hange’s theory about the Titan’s being humans.  At the beginning of this scene, Levi is showing Erwin a great deal of concern for his physical state, apologizing to him for him and Pixis showing up to talk, knowing how tired he must still be, saying to Erwin that he’ll understand if he would rather him and Pixis just come back later so he can keep sleeping.  Levi is giving Erwin the option here to deal with all of these new developments that they’re all dealing with later, and that offers a really insightful glimpse into the kind of respect and consideration Levi has for Erwin leading up to this point in the story.

What’s really interesting is the shift in Levi’s attitude here, after he sees Erwin smiling.  Levi starts to try and ask Erwin a question, after Hange’s revelations about the Titans, and he sees Erwin smiling to himself with a glazed, distant look in his eyes, and Levi’s horror is readily apparent.  He figures out almost immediately that Erwin is excited by this news, and Levi’s reaction is one of repulsion.  He even tells Erwin that he’s going to make him sick.  I think Levi’s reaction here is also partly fueled by his own feelings of deep dismay and horror at learning that all this time, he’s been killing other human beings.  So to see Erwin seemingly HAPPY about this revelation must seem particularly grotesque to Levi in that moment, while he’s dealing with his own feelings of guilt and despair and hopelessness.  Levi’s anger here is REALLY obvious, as he asks Erwin if this is the real reason he joined the Survey Corps.  We see Levi’s belief in Erwin starting to erode here, in real time.  Part of Levi’s anger, I think, must also stem from knowing that he’s put his faith entirely in Erwin, followed him with full belief in Erwin’s altruistic intentions, but now he has to face the possibility that his faith has been misplaced, that indeed the very REASON he joined the Corps to begin with, his faith in Erwin and his greater vision, may have been built on a lie.  This coming on the heels of realizing that Titans were actually humans, and he’s dedicated himself to killing them for years.  All of this leads you to really understand Levi’s controlled fury at Erwin in this scene.  When Erwin gets annoyed himself at Levi and tells him to lay off of him, and asks him to show him some pity, Levi says with obvious derision that, yeah, Erwin IS pitiful.  We see later in the scene Levi turn Erwin’s own words back on him, about him being mentally and physically exhausted, almost mocking Erwin with them as he reveals to him that he’s chosen to make the 104th his new squad and had Eren and Historia moved to an isolated location.  Levi’s anger here is really palpable, and it demonstrates the tension I think Levi’s probably always had with Erwin and their relationship.

Levi respects Erwin immensely, and I have no doubt he’d been ready to tell Erwin about his plans for the 104th with a lot more cordiality and willingness to involve him in that decision before Erwin’s motivations became revealed to him here.  But there’s always been that kind of conflict between them too, where Levi was willing to put his faith totally in Erwin’s vision, and in his ability to make the right choices, in order to advance the cause of humanity, but at the same time, felt deeply uncomfortable at times with Erwin’s methods towards achieving that goal, his willingness to sacrifice the lives of so many to that end, often resulting in the deaths of soldiers with no, substantial gain to be had.  He’s deeply aware of Erwin’s ruthlessness in getting the job done (we see that awareness later in chapter 52, when he asks Hange if they should run or kill their enemies before they can strike, and says it’s just like something Erwin would do when Hange says both).  It was Levi’s faith in Erwin, though, and his belief in Erwin’s purity and the righteousness of his cause, that allowed Levi to put his misgivings about Erwin’s methods aside, because he fully believed Erwin’s intentions were only to benefit humanity, and win them back their freedom someday.  So seeing Erwin smiling here, and having that faith in Erwin’s intentions thrown into question, alongside the awful revelation that Titan’s are actually humans, is obviously a pretty devastating blow to Levi’s own sense of balance and place, throwing into doubt what it is he’s been fighting for all this time, whether it was even real or not.  It’s like in one, fell swoop, Levi’s lost any amount of certainty in both what they’ve all been fighting for this whole time, and in the person he had put the most faith and trust in to guide them in the right direction.  I’m not sure how people could miss Levi’s anger towards Erwin here, or the reasons for it.  Levi is shown something in Erwin that makes him seriously doubt whether Erwin actually cares about humanity at all, or people at all.  Erwin appears happy that it turned out that Titan’s were humans, and Levi has no context, no way of knowing WHY Erwin would be happy about that.  He doesn’t know about his father, or the things his father told him, or how his father died.  So to Levi, it must just seem like Erwin is getting some sort of sick joy out of the revelation.  Again, to see something like that in the person you believed in the most, a person you admired deeply and thought of as superior to you, as holding a greater vision than you ever could, would be really, really hard.  It’s like Levi’s hero letting him down in the worst way possible.  

I think this should also be looked at in the context of Levi’s own experiences in life, and how that shaped his world view.  Levi comes from an extremely hard, deprived background, one of extreme poverty and desperation and violence.  That background, that difficult childhood, resulted in a necessary cynicism and jadedness in Levi.  He knows the way the world works, knows how hard life is, and how cruel and ruthless people can be.  He grew up in a world where there was no pretense, no civility or politeness to hide behind.  He grew up in a world where it was kill or be killed.  We see this weary understanding of how things really are later, again, in chapter 52, when Levi is explaining to Hange and the rest that they have two options, because the MP’s and those they work for aren’t going to just give up on getting their hands on Eren and Historia.  He knows they’re only going to try more forcefully and violently to get what they want, because that’s the way the world works, and that’s the way people are.  He also shows his worldly understanding of these sorts of things when he asks Hange how many of Nick’s fingernails they pulled, and knows that Nick likely didn’t talk because they pulled more than one.  It tells us about Levi’s experience and how he’s been exposed to the darker, crueler side of humanity, more than anyone else in that room.

So Levi also understands that if they just wait around, they’ll all eventually be killed.  He understands they can’t be passive here, and have to act immediately.  He impresses that reality unto Hange, who’s still reeling from Nick’s death, and forces her to make a decision as to what their next move should be.  He doesn’t allow her to wallow in her despair, and he does this for the sake of Eren and Historia, and all of them.  Once again, we see Levi being most concerned for the greater good, ready to act however is needed to help the most people.  He knows Hange is hurting, but he knows also that none of them can afford to be, as he says to her, timid.  They have to move.  Well, anyway, my point that I’m trying to make is that Levi’s life experience has forced him to be cynical about other people’s motivations and characters, about concepts of nobility and morality.  To look at other people’s true intentions with a skeptical eye, because he grew up in a cut-throat environment, exposed to deep poverty, trauma and pain, where people no doubt would turn on you, or abandon you in a moment for nothing more than a scrap of bread.  With that in mind, you have to realize that Levi’s faith in Erwin is rather remarkable.  That he’s able to BELIEVE that deeply in another person, to believe in another person’s goodness, and purity of intention, given Levi’s background and the life he’s lived, is extraordinary, and really tells us so much about who Levi really is.  Despite every experience in his life informing him  that he should be skeptical and cynical and mistrustful of people and their intentions, despite his every experience telling him that the world is a cruel, ugly, awful place filled with loss, pain and grief, Levi still wants so much to believe in something better.  To believe in purity of hearts and intentions, to believe in a higher morality and goodness.  And despite all of his life experience telling him otherwise, Levi is able to believe that’s who Erwin is.  A person with a higher, better moral standing, a person with a pure and true heart.  He believes it all the way.  So, to then have that faith, which Levi somehow held onto against all odds and reason, dashed against the rocks in a single, terrible moment of realization, would be horrible.  Levi is someone who wants so much to believe there can be a better world, with better people in it.  And I think Erwin represented that possibility to Levi, for a long time.  And so to learn that his belief in Erwin was, perhaps, too idealistic, to have that skepticism that his life’s beaten into him affirmed, rather than rejected, must have felt like the worst kind of betrayal to Levi, and just a crushing disappointment.

Of course, Erwin later is able to prove to Levi that his faith in him wasn’t misplaced, as he lives up to the ideal Levi saw in him to begin with, with Levi’s help and encouragement.  But that’s a different post altogether!  When I get to that part of the manga, I’ll be positing about it as well.

Also, Hange’s own sense of horrible guilt and remorse in these chapters, both over realizing she’d been experimenting on human’s this whole time, and over Nick’s death, was an amazing parallel to Levi’s.  I think the two of them share so many similar feelings and such a similar depth of feeling over everything.  Always trying to do the right thing, and struggling so much with whether the choices they make are the right choices, or whether any of this is worth the sacrifices they’re forced to make.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #Levi Ackerman #Erwin Smith #hange zöe #meta #thoughts

[sepublic]

           How messed up is it that even in this room full of people, surrounded by her old friends, and the new ones (not counting a certain king), Marcy is feeling at her loneliest here. Like, literally no one is coming forward to comfort her, to acknowledge that she’s literally just a scared child who was emotionally manipulated –as Andrias himself blatantly spelled out to the group- and is just terrified of isolation.

           Everyone else I understand, but I wish Olivia and Yunnan had done something. That’s such a cruel irony, that Marcy is in the company and presence of so many people, yet she’s so isolated and by herself and apart from the rest, who all have one another to some degree (save Andrias, but even he has his master down in the basement). Marcy is emotionally cut off, and nobody’s really raising a finger to comfort her, to at least respond to and acknowledge her valid fears.

           Marcy is practically begging in front of an entire crowd to spare her some sympathy, to consider her viewpoint, to acknowledge that she’s not entirely wrong in wanting to do something about what happened- And nobody is moved enough, just disturbed, to physically move for Marcy herself; And that lack of response just breaks her even more… Like everyone else is too horrified at this sad display here, to consider the literal person and child behind it who is suffering and is also mortified by their own predicament as well! 

          And again, Anne and Sasha are valid for not wanting to; As are the Plantars, Andrias definitely doesn’t care, and Grime is with Sasha on just about anything… But c’mon, Yunnan! C’mon Olivia! Throw us and Marcy a bone and adopt her as lesbian newt moms!

           Marcy really died thinking that if she didn’t do something to justify and make up for it all, she wasn’t deserving of ANY sympathy of respect for her predicament, which… Is genuinely horrifying. That yeah she messed up, but Marcy’s mistakes are still understandable, she’s still a kid, a kid manipulated by an abuser who gaslit her over his own murder of her, and that alone should be worthy of open sympathy?

          It’s not like Marcy has to be excused of her actions to be given some level of comfort and acknowledgement, some empathetic connection, for what she did, even if it’s wrong; Because first and foremost her issue stems from hurting and being alone, and everyone can recognize that. She’s a literal child who never intentionally hurt anyone, definitely not directly, and only acted in desperation because of a horrible situation.

           It really is the cruelest joke of this series to have Marcy surrounded by everyone, by so many people, yet to clearly be so much more alone than she’s ever been, the loneliest and most miserable she’s been her entire life, when all around her are friends and people who could and normally would comfort and cherish her, but instead are cherishing one another while leaving Marcy herself out.

          Again, not to imply anyone aside from Andrias is at particular fault for these feelings, but still… Marcy really did think from this silence that all of her pain and misery didn’t warrant any sympathy, because she still messed up and that was more important than anything else, so fixing her mistakes was the only thing that could warrant Marcy’s recognition as a human in need of help by the others- And even when she’s dying, she STILL believes that she must atone! All her effort is for nothing; And if anything, makes things even worse… That kind of realization can and DID shatter Marcy’s spirit.

          Marcy tried to hold onto her friends and that just resulted in them being resentful of her, and Marcy tries to open and bare herself, something she’s so terrified of doing, because she really does not feel happy with who she is, she’s arguably the least comfortable in her own skin; For once she puts herself out there, warts and all… And instead gets rejection. So, never again- Never again will Marcy dare to open herself up, to admit who she is, to acknowledge her own pain and needs and wants… Because who could ever look at someone like her, the TRUE Marcy, and not be repulsed?

          Better to just hide it as always- She was right! Marcy was right in always hiding things, in hiding herself, in NOT being herself, trying to change things about herself or adapt to what people wanted… Because when she finally did, for once, bare herself like that to the world, to the people most likely to reciprocate; She just got dead, uncomfortable silence and rejection. Marcy showed her soul off to the world, her innermost fears, and instead was met with disgust and horror. She really is nothing and must actively atone and make up for herself, right? Marcy finally put herself out there as the scared, lonely kid who desperately needed companionship, vouching for herself, something she always hesitated to do- And look what that got her.

           Anne and Sasha don’t need her; They were always good at making connections, at appealing to others. When Marcy tries, it just makes people hate her even more… So if Marcy ever gets out of there, I really can see her being quiet and silent and miserable; Constantly hating and blaming herself, pushing herself to the brink to do the ‘right’ thing, and never paying any heed to her own person… Never again opening up, because nobody wants to see that, right? And Marcy is just even more envious of her friends, for having those real connections in Amphibia, for feeling comfortable with who they are, Anne especially- She had the least of them and only lost, while they gained more without her!

          Poor Marcy, always left behind… And she believes that’s what she deserves, that’s how it really should be. Thinking and acting otherwise was what caused this entire dilemma in the first place, right? So shut up- Nobody cares. Don’t try to ask for help, because then others will be turned away… And NEVER admit the truth, because if they don’t immediately throw you aside, they’ll just use and manipulate and murder you.

           Just, look at them all around Marcy; Cold, implacable, and uncaring… Not really, but to her that’s how it is, and for one, that IS the case; And that Andrias, he really has the audacity to then mock her for this, to mock Marcy for opening up, for being vulnerable, and punish her for going outside of her shell in this moment, for risking it all in an all-or-nothing gambit by asking Anne, straight up to her face, to be with her. 

          Marcy is never going to open up again, if this is all she’ll get in response- If all that will do is just make her even MORE hurt and mocked over revealing the sad, lonely, pitiful being she is. Marcy bared her soul for it, and didn’t just get nothing; She was hurt and punished for that, because asking for sympathy just made others mock her even more.

          She will never be accepted for admitting how lonely she was, for being lonely, for confessing what she went through and was too scared to admit to the girls- And it seems Marcy was right to be afraid after all, because this is their reaction in the end. Marcy dared to make a plea, to be level and genuine, and was wounded for it; Died for it, and blamed for it.

          Just putting herself out there, just trying to claim some sense of stake and agency in this world- Trying to resist that cold, inevitable truth of her worthlessness only makes it worse, so don’t resist, just give up and passively go with the flow. When all is said and done, Marcy might ensure something better for others... Even if she herself is left out, as always, because that’s just what her lot in life is.

          That’s simply the cold unfairness and reality of the world- So grow up and accept it, you stupid kid. THIS is what it means to be mature, to be an adult, and grow up- Isn’t that right? To become cold and bitter from trauma and pain, because at least that makes you stronger? Isn’t suffering good for someone like you, who deserves it, because it makes you better in the end, less weak? I’m sure that’s what Andrias thinks.

#amphibia #amphibia spoilers #amphibia marcy #marcy wu #amphibia marcy wu #angst #meta