#bpd diary

[x-x-bones-x-x]

BPD is so confusing. I don't want to be in another relationship again, I'm too afraid of them leaving me. But I want to have sex. I can't have casual sex though. Now I want more than that, I want to cuddle and be told that I'm precious and such a good girl. I want someone to tell me how good I'm doing and how proud they are of me. I want to cuddle someone to sleep while I'm wearing a t-shirt and they're completely naked. I want them to spoon me. But I'm too scared to be in another relationship. I can't deal with another person leaving me. I can't deal with anyone else, period. I'm tired of people. I'm tired of being used. I deserve to be alone. I deserve to rot. I deserve everything that comes to me but God damnit deep down I know I just want to be truly, purely, completely loved.

#bpd problems #bpd vent #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #bpd #bpd stuff #bpd shit #bpd splitting #bpd is bpding #bpd is a bitch #bpd diary #bpd girlies #bpd girl #bpd symptoms #bpd feels #bpd friends #bpd episode #bpd emotions

[insaneyve]

I played dumb, but I always knew

That you talked to her.

#mentally fucked #mentally tired #mentally exhausted #mentally unstable #actually mentally ill #actually bpd #bpd #mental illness #bpd thoughts #borderline personality disorder #fp bpd #bpd diary #bpd fp #bpd vent

[howlovelyhana]

The borderlined life excerpt three from my poetry book:

“I don’t want to fight you, I don’t want you to be hurt. This isn’t me whose talking right now, and it’s not you that’s in front of me. There is a flame inside me, it’s been growing for a while, when I say I hate you, I really mean I hate myself.”

#bpd triggers #bpd help #bpd diary #bpd stuff #bpd love #bpd anger #bpd problems #bpd attachment #bpd girlies #bpd thoughts #actually bpd #bpd poetry #bpd fp #love bombing #love bomb

[b0rderlinecompulsivenervosa]

i love my bpd, and this is why:

- i will never forget how it feels to hold a particular person close in a hug, i know this feeling so intimately due to my ability to love so deeply. i don’t care if i split on them and we don’t talk, i know that i once loved them and i can go back and feel that love. feel what it’s like to hold that love. to hug that person and hold them and at that moment in time everything is okay.

- there is an after. i know there will be more to come. my life will not be boring. i will require support but PERFECTION IS A LACK OF PROGRESS!!!

- i have bpd and i am lovable

#bcn to myself tomorrow #bcn fave affirmations #bpd tag #bpd diary #actually bpd #bpd feels #bpd thoughts #bpd mood #bpd splitting #bpd problems #bpd stuff #bpd #bpd shit #bpd vent #actually borderline #actually mentally ill #ocd

[iwannabeverythingimnot]

BPD Splitting is when you don’t “need anyone to survive” only to realize you do need help because you’re so fucked up you can’t live completely on your own.

#bpd #living with bpd #bpd recovery #bpd diary #bpd splitting #bpd sucks #bpd vent #bpd blog #bpd thoughts #bpd stuff #actually bpd #bpd feels #bpd problems #bpd shit #bpd mood #bpd fp #fml

[evilichu]

me, reading articles about bpd symptoms: hmm. makes sense. it's an illness.

me when i start exhibiting those symptoms: i am evil. i'm hurting everyone. i am The Worst Human Alive

#bpd #bpd diary #quiet borderline #bpd life #actually borderline #actually bpd #quiet bpd #bpd thoughts #bpd things

[kirbsessed]

I lost my pen today. And like you know, it's not that deep. But. IT WAS THAT DEEP. Why? I borrowed it to my fp. Damn. So, like, it was realllyyyy important for me. So I asked in the room if anyone got a spare pen. AND GUESS WHAT? That mf (/lh, /neu) (aka my fp) PULLED OUT 7. seven. Who the fuck carries seven pens with them. Anyways I stole one from him☺️ and for the rest of the time I stimmed by stacking the pens on top of one another. So yeah uh a great funfact, my fp carries a shit ton of pens with him. Wohoo

(Btw, the pen I stole doesn't work. Couldn't care less tho, he touched it, used it, wrote with it, held it)

#fp bpd #fp #bpd fp #bpd #bpd diary #diary #favorite person #actually borderline #bpd thoughts #actually bpd

[manifestingspaghett1]

#bpd #bpd thoughts #borderline personality traits #borderline #borderline blog #borderline personality disorder #bpd diary #bpd blog #trailcam #coyote #sadcore #ventcore #traumacore #vent art #angercore #tw #guilt #shame #trauma edit #sad edit #liminal #liminal edit #liminalcore

[zombie-cucumber05]

#bpd diary #sad thoughts #fuck #stress on 100 #heavy sigh #abandoment issues #insecure #people pleaser

[insaneyve]

You're probably with that blonde girl

who always made me doubt.

She's everything I'm insecure about.

#mentally fucked #mentally tired #mentally exhausted #mentally unstable #actually mentally ill #actually bpd #bpd #mental illness #bpd thoughts #borderline personality disorder #bpd vent #bpd fp #fp bpd #bpd diary #depresssion

[howlovelyhana]

The borderlined life excerpt six from my poetry book:

When I love someone it feels like I am on fire, I love so intensely that the flames grow in the shape of a home. My warmth burns you as you walk in but I try to protect you from the heat. I try, I try and I try. But even I can’t save you, the flames engulf you and you try hard to leave, afraid to be burnt, afraid to be scarred from my love that no longer feels like a home, but a silent volcano always ready to erupt.

#bpd anger #bpd love #bpd triggers #bpd diary #bpd thoughts #bpd traits #bpd splitting #bpd favorite person #bpd fp #bpd poetry #bpd awareness #bpd stuff #bpd #bpd shit

[imakeartwheniwanttodie]

After how many years of trying are you legally allowed to give up?

#bpd things #quiet bpd #bpd diary #bpd awareness #bpd problems #bpd coping #trauma humor #coping #living with borderline #borderline blog #borderline personality disorder #depression #tw depressing stuff #fucking hell #triggering stuff #tw depressing thoughts #im exhausted #mental illness #mentally unstable #its mental illness innit #art blog #trauma blog #weirdcore #traumacore

[b100dstains]

i’ve done some pretty fucked up and stupid things for validation

#i always end up doing something that cause me discomfort or regret #it really sucks #actually borderline #actually bpd #being borderline #borderline blog #borderline personality disorder #borderline problems #borderline things #borderline thoughts #bpd #bpd baddie #bpd be like #bpd brain #bpd blog #bpd vent #bpd feels #bpd thoughts #bpd problems #bpd diary #bpd posting #bpd relatable

[spank-you-and-me]

I'm in the worst mood I've been in, in so long. someone cheer me up before I commit arson.

#this is bpd #bpd diary #actually bpd #cnc k!nk #corruption kink #rough cnc #r4p3 kink #daddy's good girl #bd/sm brat #cnc free use #cnc kidnapping #puppy sub #bd/sm puppy

[psychedelicmess81]

he thinks it’s a coincidence that my apartment is so close to his house 😌

#actually borderline #bpd problems #bpd fp #bpd mood #bpd thoughts #bpd feels #bpd shit #bpd #actually bpd #bpd stuff #bpd vent #lovers #living with borderline #borderline problems #bpd posting #bpd favorite person #fp bpd #bpd relationships #bpd relatable #bpd diary #bpd humour #bpd love #unrequited crush #unrequited affection #unrequited love

[evilichu]

i got to document a whole splitting episode. you can even see the point where i started getting riled up. damn. bitches be crazy (bitches is me)

you:

i don't know how to feel about you. i look inside and there's anger, fear, love, even attraction still. but which one of them is the appropriate response? which one is the way to go, which one is the least mentally ill?

we're friends, aren't we?

everyone tells me that being friends after a breakup is impossible. but i knew that if there is someone in the world that i would fight for to make it work, that would be you. so now, when i see you put no effort in our friendship i wonder if it's all my fault.

am i expecting too much? is it because my feelings for you are stronger than yours? am i splitting on you? am i victimizing myself of are you actually forgetting that i exist?

and there's the other side— the one that tells me you're a piece of shit. you're so focused on your own little world that you forget that i exist. you're selfish. you don't care that i had to put all my feelings aside to be your fucking friend. you don't give a shit if we don't talk for days, weeks, maybe even forever. you don't put time and effort into friendships, you let them die and then you excuse yourself "oh we just drifted apart", "i was just too busy". and that's what you're doing to me.

i'm so fucking angry at you. because you keep fucking promising things. and i hold onto them. you said we were going to be friends, and that you weren't going to leave me. but you're leaving now and i can't do anything. you have no idea how much it hurts not being worth staying.

why are you doing this to me all over again?

i've started being dry when you do text me. i'm sure you've noticed, but you're not gonna ask if there's anything wrong. you send me memes on ig and my blood boils whenever your name pops up. what a shallow way to keep in touch. that means nothing to me.

i wish i could say something. i don't even want to beg anymore. just let you know that when people ask about us, you're not allowed to say we drifted apart. tell them you didn't care enough to talk to me. tell them i wasn't worth the effort.

#important people: lucas ☕︎︎ #bpd #bpd diary #bpd life #actually bpd #bpd favorite person #bpd thoughts #quiet borderline