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cattordi · 3 years

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bye bye

a/n: bye bye american pie. BLACK WIDOW SPOILERS KINDA: the beginning credits had me sobbing. NOT SPOILERS: and i feel like 40’s chris had a dom side or maybe a sub side A FUCKING SWITCH.

summary steve is about to be shipped off and never told you about it….

pairing 40’s!steve rogers x 40’s!reader

warning smut 18+ minors dni, oral (f receiving) light breeding kink, arguing, fluff, no protection(wrap it before u tap it.) angst, language, squirting, orgasm denial/control blah blah etc. (i think that’s it.) not proofread duh

‎⍟

“how’s my favorite girl doing?” steve says as he wanders into his room where you had been sitting waiting for him to get home. “when the hell were you gonna tell me steve?” you ask and your voice breaks.

he turns to look at you and immediately sees the ripped up deployment envelope on his bed, in front of you. “y/n.” he begins but you cut him off.

“no, when the hell were you gonna tell me? or was i never going to know? steve, i can’t believe you. this is the lowest of low.” you say and he stares at you in disbelief. you stand up and walk towards the wardrobe with your clothes in them but steve grabs your arms and jerks you to look at him.

“if you would listen for a goddamn minute, you’d know i was gonna tell you today. why’d you even open my mail anyways? he says and raises his voice slights.

“you were gonna tell me the day before you fucking left! and you ask me why i opened your mail? what kind of question?” you yell and once again steve stares at you in disbelief. “i’m leaving. have fun wherever the hell you’re going with peggy fucking carter. and i opened your mail because your name wasn’t on it and i was never informed that you were going anywhere.”

as soon as steve hears peggys names, a flip switches. “you’ve never been jealous before! what happened now?” he yells and you immediately turn around screaming at him.

“because you give her more attention than me and ive been with you before you became captain fucking america! i understand you were gonna get shipped off sooner of later but you didn’t tell me. don’t turn this on me!” you yell and steve grabs you by the face, roughly. “don’t talk to me like that ever again or i swear you won’t be able to walk again. and i don’t give her attention y/n. i’ve been avoiding her and refusing to be around her for the past month for you. literally rejecting her because i wanna be with a you.” he begins and you gasp slightly.

“even though this past month you’ve been so bratty and responsive. i didn’t wanna tell you because no matter what, i’d have too leave you and i don’t fucking want that. now stop acting like a brat strip, and get on the damn bed. and for this one time can you not say something back because you’re already in for it.”

you huff a bit when he lets your face go, but begin to unbutton your dress, slowly. steve watches you intently, “if you go any slower i’m gonna be shipped off. you’re all bark no bite.” he growls and you speed up. shagging your dress off and pulling your panties to the side.

you didn’t even notice that steve’s shirt had been discarded somewhere within his room. he pushes you onto you back, while pulling your legs open. you feel your arousal slide down your leg and chris notices quickly, “i haven’t even touched you. don’t cum. and i wanna hear you screaming and apologizing for yelling at me until i let you cum.”

you squeak out a “okay.” before steve dives in between your legs. just his hot breath on your heat makes you moan. his tongue rolls around your clit forcing you to buck your hips for more. “i’m sorry steve.” you mumble but can barely get the words out.

soon, your moans fill the room and you forget that he wants you to apologize. “i’m- im sorry. can i cum? can i cum please?” you yell and you’re pretty sure through the thin walls, steves neighbor can hear. he slips two fingers into you and continuously graze your g-spot.

his tongue flips through your folds like a book, and over your clit even more making your orgasm hard to contain. “i’m sorry steve. please let me cum. i can’t. i’m so sorry.” you gasp out and can feel steve grin in satisfaction. “i won’t yell at you again. just please let me cum!” you yell and the three letter word sends you over the edge.

“cum.” and you do. your orgasm comes so hard you don’t even realize you squirted on steve’s bare chest. “fuck” he cursed out and you slowly open your eyes. your jaw drops and a string of apologies fly out your mouth. “shut up… that was the most attractive thing i’ve ever seen.” he says and he looks so fucked out of his mind.

in one swift move, he flips you onto your back. and you can hear his belt jingling. once his belt is off and his pants are discarded, he pulls you up to his chest. “be a good girl.” he mumbles and before you can respond his whole length is shoved into you. a gasp and moan rip through you at the same time.

he pushes you back down, not forgetting to pull your hair so your back is arched though. “y/n, you feel so good around me. God-“ he moans out and even though you didn’t think you could get more turned on you did.

the sounds of skin slapping and mixed moans is music to both you and steve’s ears. “can i cum?” you ask in between moans. steve pulls you back up, hand flying to your clit. “cum. cum all over my dick and claim me.” he mumbles and another orgasm washes over you. a coil in the pit of your stomach snaps, which feels so good.

“you feel so good around me baby.” he whispers in your ear before gently kissing your neck. “i want you to cum again.” he mumbles but your second orgasm had already been building up.

you cum again, this time being better than the last. you squirt on steve’s dick and the moan he releases has you feral. “God, i’m gonna fill you up. have you full of my cum before i leave? maybe i’ll leave and come back with a baby?” he groans and you moan at his words.

his hip still a bit as they slow but they still snap into your ass hard. white ropes of cum filling your walls and you can feel all of it. when he fill you up, he doesn’t pull out. pushing you onto the beed, he mutters“keep it in.” and it sounds like a warning. he pulls out slowly, noticing how swollen your pussy is.

“you’re so perfect.” he says and rubs his finger over your clit. you jolt away and he pouts, “too much? are you too sensitive?” he whispers and you roll onto your back while nodding.

he grabs a blanket and drapes it over your shoulders. before pulling you into his lap. “i’m sorry for yelling. i should’ve told you sooner but i just didn’t wanna because i don’t wanna leave you.” he whispers and kisses the top of your head.

“it’s okay. i overreacted so much, im just scared you’re not gonna come back. i need you.”

#steve rodgers imagine #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers smut #steve rogers #dark steve x reader #steve x you #steven grant rogers #chris evans imagine #chris evans daddy #chris evans angst #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fluff #chris evans x reader #chris evans x female reader #chris evans smut #chris evans #marvel fluff #marvel smut

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e-luxion · 3 years

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Can you please explain Johnny’s chart now that we know his rising? I never saw him as a Virgo rising but people say it makes sense and I’m like??? I’m not too into astrology to know

Yeah I agree with you, virgo was the last thing on my mind, even tho I think I first typed him as Leo Rising after thinking I was like 100% earth (more Taurus than anything) + 5th house placements so I wasn't wrong, but not right either 😂 I am actually excited to do this

𝙒𝙝𝙮 𝙞𝙩 𝙈𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙎𝙚𝙣𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙅𝙤𝙝𝙣𝙣𝙮 𝙞𝙨 𝙖 𝙑𝙞𝙧𝙜𝙤 𝙍𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜:

It is not the Virgo Rising itself, it's actually where his planets fall that makes perfect sense imo:

Sun and Mercury in the 5th house

I say Johnny has 5th house energy a little too much but I never actually explain why

Sun in the 5th house people are m a g n e t i c. Whether they want to or not, they unconsciously end up being the centre of attention. More times than not people with this placement feel like they were born to do ‘more’ and to shine

5th house suns are warm, generous, creative and for the most part, can be very confident in who they are depending how well or bad aspected this placement is

Even if they are less confident deep inside, they try to be confident and to be that light for others

MERCURY IN THE 5TH -- holy shit, I share this placement and yes, some people find us a bit annoying but we don’t talk about that

People with this placement tend to be very talkative, they don’t seem to run out of topics to talk about, you could put them in a room with anyone and they’ll find a common ground.

Natives of this placement tend to also talk almost with hidden meanings, there is always a tone of innuendo, there is always a joke in there somehow

This placement is very much “primary school teacher energy”

Not great at concentration cos there is just so many things they want to do, they always want to do something new and fun. Mercury shows us how we communicate but also how we think, and in this house it becomes... a lot.

Moon in the 10th house

This placement is very interesting, imo the moon is the most important thing in our chart. It shows you not only what makes you feel comfortable and how you feel, but your relationship with your mother, how you were raised, it’s a one of the most decisive pillars of “you”

It’s cause and consequence, it shows you how you were raised and how that affected present day you

This is stereotypical but his career and status is truly very important to him, he needs it to feel safe and fulfilled. It makes sense how no matter how hard it got, how much they pushed his debut to later, he persevered and is such a hard worker.

A m b i t i o u s

People with this placement are actually very sensitive and have a natural need to care for others, they are easily affected by the outside world which makes them want to almost protect others

It’s honestly such a dad placement

Things associated with this placement are definitely a parent sort of vibe, they are responsible and caring, they worry about others around them

Fun Fact, people with this specific placement tend to attract admiration from others, they inspire security and trust. Other musicians with this placement are John Lennon and Kurt Cobain, both people who inspired millions of people and to this day are remembered

Venus in the 4th house

This is another thing that just painfully makes sense

You know how this man is always like blah kids, marriage, sentimental shit?? THIS is why! This right here, is a big reason why Johnny is the way he is half of the time I swear. The homey romantic vibes? Heavy 4th house venus shit

4th house Venus people are so nurturing, sensitive and calm? Venus most commonly tells you how you are in love, what kind of partners you want but it shows more than that, it tells you how you look after things, your possessions, your aesthetic...

Johnny’s love for soft toys, oversized fluffy clothes, all of that is due to his 4th house Venus. He is also probably very sentimental with things from his childhood, or things that remind him of home

When they fall in love, it is serious because their mentality is for the long term, they are very family oriented hence why they can be wary of who they date

People with this placement have the nicest houses and rooms cos they just know how to make a house a home, it’s always so cozy and dating them would probably feel like like an early morning, wrapped in multiple blanket with the fire place on, hot cocoa and the rain outside

On the downside, people with the placement can be TOO sentimental, to the point where is hard for them to let go of things

Mars in the 12th

Actually this was the only one which was surprising to me, but tbh this is not a side we would often see of Johnny since we don’t know him like that. And 12th house “hides” whatever it falls on, it internalises it to an extent that the native might not actually be aware of this energy

His Mars in Leo makes him quick to anger, but mars in the 12th house makes him hide that anger, bottle it up until it comes out in a scary way because it was left undealt with for too long

Other things in his chart tell us that he has no problem going after things, like going after his career or pursuing hobbies and success. But this right here shows me that in some ways, he is scared to fully express himself due to an unconscious fear to be vulnerable

Sometimes they focus to helping people too much to hide this vulnerability and their own issues

Coming to terms with his own sensitivity and release toxic mentality is something he probably struggled with at some point

On a positive note, people with this placement tend to be very welcoming and open-minded towards other, they show the kindness to others that they don't necessarily show themselves

a lot of bitches with 12th house placements in nct damn

Jupiter in the 3rd

At its most basic, this literally tells you that his talent (Jupiter) is in communication (3rd). Very agile minds, who love learning and acquiring information about different topics, people, things, everything

People with this placement lead the conversation, very positive and enthusiastic in the way they talk with others. Sometimes can be a bit preachy but for the most part they’re open minded, curious, and say what’s on their mind, super expressive when sharing their ideas

@/astroismypassion mentioned that Jupiter in the 3rd native might have moved hometown more than once in their life which I find very interesting as this man moved across the globe to make his dreams come true

Philosophy, arts, cultures, stuff like that is very interesting to them and travelling is a form of mind expansion for them

Jupiter shows us where we have privilege and here it’s education, and a larger than life mentality that them well received by others; they are gifted at communication which means that people usually take them seriously as they can be very eloquent

Saturn in the 6th

Another placement I share with Johnny which I think would be a flex if it wasn’t for the fact that Saturn in the 6th is actually a very difficult position to have. Saturn is not necessarily happy in this house

It shows an obsession with work, keeping a routine, organising but also struggling in all those areas. For example, you obsessively plan your life because you really struggle naturally to follow plans, timetables and stay organise

People with this placement have a tendency to overwork themselves until they’re ill, so health problems might be occur often due to this. You fear failure so it feels like you can never stop working hard, just in case you fall behind. Anxiety, self criticism is very common here

Honestly he has a couple of placements that just scream chronic workaholic

Pisces Descendant:

I don't know if this is weird but I thought he had to have Pisces in a “favourable” house, because he seems to attract or get along with people who have Pisces placements specifically so this is not surprising at all.

I’m ngl this man probably daydreams about his s/o, if he is single he’ll just make up little scenarios in his head or has a very clear idea of the kind of interactions or person he wants

Very idealistic, gentle and compassionate in love but also wants partners that match this energy. Heart on his sleeve kind of vibe

He probably attracts slightly chaotic partners, the dreamy artists types

This man clearly doesn’t want just any love story, he wants the sort of fairy tale romance he can tell his grandkids

7th house is also like enemies and shit, but I’m not going to talk about

Gemini Midheaven

When you meet someone, there is 3 main things you see about them and that is Ascendant, Mercury and Midheaven. Especially when it comes to celebrities, we see their midheaven more than anything

Gemini MC people always have something going on, they have like 5 careers at the same time, very multi-faceted people. They’re not quite happy at doing one thing but they’re also very adaptable

In the work environment, he could adapt to others and very much go with the flow of things, jack of all trades. Whatever happens, he can do it and does it well

For now I am going to go on more explaining why everyone is like uhh it makes sense and later I'll actually make a post with more information, in my drafts I have this one post by xx saved from like a year ago of their personality analysis of Johnny, in which they asked if any astrology people could you know back this up. I had written a whole response to it but now that we know I will make a more detailed response and analysis of his birth chart 👁️👁️

𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊, 𝕷𝖚𝖑𝖚 𝖝𝖔𝖝

#johnny suh #johnny seo #nct johnny #johnny #nct astrology #nct #nct 127 #nct u #nct 2020 #well 2021 lmao

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smhalltheurlsaretaken · 3 years

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If we take George Lucas at his word that the Jedi Order was drafted into the Clone Wars (even though I don't think it's ever been mentioned in the films or TCW), does that mean that no Jedi could leave the Order in protest of the war? Because they'd probably be considered draft dodgers by the Senate, so I wonder if they could even get proper documentations/jobs in the Republic with that on their record. IRL people can be jailed for draft evasion. I wonder if that applies to the GFFA.

No, it’s not stated in the movies or TCW (although it’s still very present in the subtext, because that’s what Lucas had in mind - like when we get even nice Senators like Riyo Chuchi bossing Obi-Wan and Anakin around, or simply the Jedi saying time and time again they shouldn’t be fighting a war and wish they weren’t). Lucas said the draft part in this interview.

Now, that’s an extremely good question, and I’m gonna get this out of the way immediately: everything that follows here is purely my interpretation and can easily be questioned. The thing is: we just have no definitive canon answer to this, and so most answers are valid. We don’t know what the Republic’s laws are, we don’t know the extent of the Senate’s power, we don’t know how much Palpatine cared about individual Jedi leaving or how he’d have spinned the situation to his advantage had it arisen, and we don’t know how exactly that whole drafting thing worked.

I personally think the Order got drafted, not the individual Jedi themselves. I’m saying this because the Council are still the one deciding where and when they send people, and they sometimes pull Jedi from the field for their wellbeing without consulting anyone else (see s2 ep1, when they ground Ahsoka for a while) - and they are the ones with list of Force-sensitive children, not the Senate, leading me to believe they are the only ones who manage their own numbers and know exactly who even is in the Order. I also think the Senate wouldn’t have time to care about a few Jedi leaving, nor would they even be notified - see the numerous times the Council decides not to inform the Senate about internal Jedi affairs. If they really pressed the issue, the Council would probably get to say “this Knight left because they were unsuited to the Jedi life, blah blah blah/they were expelled so they’re not in the military anymore/whatever” and nobody would really give a kriff.

Now a lot of Jedi leaving - not that I think they would, because of how dedicated to each other and their duty they are - would probably warrant the Senate’s attention, and it would definitely create outcry from what we’ve seen of the petulant jerks - to say nothing of the civilians.

In Legends, we had Jedi leaving because of the war (see the Altisian Jedi and Sora Bulq’s followers) and they were free to do so, but I’m taking all of it with a giant pile of salt because the Altisians were created (or rather expanded upon when they used to just be a throwaway reference) by Karen Traviss herself, queen of “actually the Jedi were wrong about everything and should have chosen not to fight and then they wouldn’t have gotten slaughtered, which, by the way, they long deserved” and other such pleasant views. Ugh.

With how easily the Jedi let Ahsoka go, I’m convinced they wouldn’t try to keep people from leaving if any Knight wished to. In the current continuity, Eeth Koth left and got married - and while in the 2017 Darth Vader comics he tells Vader he was more or less kicked out, I think that’s what you’d say to the asshole hellbent on killing any living Jedi and currently about to kidnap your infant daughter - just like Rex tries to pull out the “not technically a Jedi” card to protect Ahsoka.

Anyway, I don’t think a few individual Jedi leaving would have been a big deal, nor that they’d have gotten trouble for it - but the Order itself taking a stand against the war would have probably gotten them immediately labelled as traitors by Palpatine.

#ask #anonymous #long post #jedi order #sw talk #this is me being incapable of writing short answers to anything lmao

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sodalitefully · 3 years

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It’s hazardous to breathe... [GNR Mad Max AU, pt. 2]

This is the second and final half of @smokeandmirrorz’s and my GNR AU inspired by the movie Mad Max: Fury Road! Thank you for reading, enjoy 😊

*Contains mpreg, character death, and plenty of unpleasant things from the Mad Max universe, including implied/referenced sexual violence, some regular violence/gore, and Immortan Joe.*

[part 1]

----

The sun-baked sand stung the soles of Slash's bare feet as he curled his toes and bit his lip and tried not to let the pain show on his face.

After the sandstorm and all the chaos that came before it, Izzy had decided that there was enough space between them and the War Party to take a much-needed break. And as much as Slash appreciated a drink of water and a chance to stretch his legs, he was more than ready for them to pack it up and keep moving.

With every gust of wind, he thought he could hear drums pounding and engines roaring, and with every step, he scalded his sensitive soles. But he didn’t like the idea of voicing his discomfort to the others, so instead he tiptoed back into the shade of the War Rig and sat on the side of the fuel pod, carefully perching his feet so that they wouldn’t touch the ground.

It had been years since Slash last found himself surrounded by people that he mostly-almost-kinda-sorta trusted, and he thought it might be a few more years before he relearned to act like it.

Steven was happily banging sand off the sides of the War Rig with a spare pipe. Duff was fiddling with the hose, looking at it in fascination like it was the Fountain of Life itself. Axl was taking inventory of the weapons, which spoke volumes about how much Izzy trusted him, and Izzy himself...

"Are you just planning on sitting there, or are you going to help, Princess?"

"Well I –" Slash wasn’t sure if he’d rather get up and tough it out, or explain the problem to Izzy, but Steven interrupted him before he could decide:

"How can you talk to him like that, Imperator?!" Offense was plain on his face, his sand-clearing weapon hovering near his head mid-strike.

Oh no.

"I'll talk to him however I want," Stradlin retorted, rather unhelpfully in Slash’s opinion.

"He's a wife! He was chosen by the Immortan himself to be one of his prized breeders! He's the most shiny, chrome –"

"Steven, stop, put that down..." Slash's weak attempt to defuse the conversation went unnoticed.

“You can give up the zealot act, the Immortan’s not here to give you a pat on the head for it! Slash isn’t his wife anymore and he’s never going to be again, so you better get used to it.”

The bomb went off. Axl drifted closer as Steven started shouting at Izzy, who tensed up, ready for a fight.

"You – You 'traitored him? You're stealing his wife for yourself, is that it? How could you, you fucking – "

"I knew you should have killed him to begin with. He's a fanatic, there's no saving him – "

"Slash deserves better than a weak, 'traitoring coward and his feral bloodbag! You're mad if you think you can get away with this, when the Immortan catches you, he'll – "

"Steven!"

Finally, Slash got his attention.

"Just... Come here. Stradlin, Axl, fuck off for a minute. See if you can pry Duff away from the hose or something, I don't care, just let me talk to Steven.

"Look, Stevie, just listen to me, alright? I asked Izzy to get me away from Joe because he was cruel and he was a liar, and we all deserve a better life than we were living there. None of us were happy at the Citadel, we just stayed because we believed him when he told us we had no choice. I'm not his wife anymore and I never was any different than anyone else, that was a lie too." He got up from his perch on the Rig, and tried not to flinch when his feet touched the burning sand. "Do you believe me?"

Steven didn't respond, couldn't even meet his eyes.

Slash didn't expect it would be easy for Steven to reconcile a lifetime of indoctrination with the truth that he suspected the War Boy knew, deep down, but the silent treatment still stung.

He sighed, and looked over to where the others were hunched over the War Rig's engine. Slash was practically useless when it came to mechanics, but surely there was something he could do to help.

He started to head over, but stopped in his tracks when something landed in the sand beside him: Steven's pair of heavy leather boots, a godsend to Slash's aching feet. He turned around to thank Steven, but his friend had already picked up his pipe and ducked around to the other side of the Rig.

"Why didn't you stay with me?" Axl asked, his hushed voice drifting on the bone-dry desert wind. "We could have survived together, had each other's backs. Why did you leave?"

It was past time for Izzy to go to sleep and let Axl take over keeping watch, but instead they were sitting side by side in the still-warm sand, staring at the lights in the sky in companionable silence. Just like old times.

"Resources. Better odds. The Citadel had water and I thought that if I played along with their little society for a while, I would come out ahead in the end."

"That's what you told me then, too... Your choice didn't exactly pay off for you, did it?"

Izzy clenched his jaw, swallowing the urge to snap at Axl's bluntness.

"... I thought it would be nice, that it would be the next best thing to what it was like before. I thought the Citadel would be civilized. I was wrong."

"What happened, Izzy?" Axl turned to look at him when he didn't get a response. Izzy could feel him eyeing the scars on his face, and wished he hadn't left his bandana in the Rig. "Why the fuck won't you tell me anything?"

"Why won't you stop asking?"

"I don't know, maybe because I care about you? I care about whatever happened to you while we were apart! I guess you wouldn't know anything about that, though, you haven't asked me what I've done in the past two thousand days – not even once!"

Izzy kept his eyes pinned on the dark horizon.

"For fuck's sake, you're going to have to tell me eventually." Silence. "Fine." Axl got up and brushed the sand off his clothes. "Why don't you just get some sleep, Izzy."

Izzy didn't move, but he could hear Axl walking around to the other side of the Rig, and climbing up into the turret. Stubbornly, he waited a few minutes before rising to his feet, climbing into the cab, and sitting down as if he was about to drive, with his eyes on the windshield and his hands on the wheel.

"Why won't you tell him?"

Izzy jumped at the whispered voice. He turned to see Slash, wide awake and staring at him, his eyes glittering black behind his hair.

"How long have you been awake?"

"I remember the first time I saw your scars," Slash told him, ignoring Izzy's attempts to signal that he absolutely did not want to talk about it.

Izzy remembered too, and it was far from one of his fondest memories. The Organic had just released him the day after the accident, and Izzy was still in a haze of pain when Immortan Joe summoned him to one of his chambers at the top of the tower.

Apparently, Joe just couldn't wait another minute to explain to Izzy in great detail what a disappointment he was. He sat on a cushioned throne with his wives gracefully positioned at his feet, and recited a speech that Izzy had heard a dozen times before – though usually not directed at him. Blah, blah, "mediocre," blah, blah, "not worthy to call himself a follower of the V8..."

The performance culminated when Joe informed Izzy that he would no longer hold the honorable position of his wives' personal guard. The Immortan could no longer trust someone so pathetic and disgraceful with their safety.

Izzy grinned at the irony. The scar on his face flexed, and Slash flinched. Immortan Joe laughed and took Slash's face into his hand so that he couldn't look away.

"Hideous, isn't it? Unlike you, my Desire, perfect in every way..." Slash had to stretch as Joe lifted his jaw higher, putting his body on display. "He may be a full life, but he's damaged, just like all the others. Even if he is chosen for the halls of Valhalla, he will never be as flawless as you. Do not be afraid, my Desire, for the Imperator is unworthy of your fear."

"I'm not afraid."

"Of course not, you're under my protection, after all..." The Immortan kept talking but all Izzy could remember was the way that Slash stared at him dead in the eye, his gaze darkened with an emotion that Izzy couldn't quite pinpoint.

At this point, Slash had only been at the Citadel for a hundred, maybe two hundred days, and even though Izzy was around the wives almost every day, he still felt like he didn't really know the newest addition to Joe's treasure vault. Slash was quiet and withdrawn, even from the other wives. He didn't talk about his life before Joe imprisoned him, but he must have been one of the more fortunate survivors, because he wasn't dazzled by the wive's luxurious lifestyle for even a second. Instead, he focused all his energy on fighting Joe with tooth and nail.

In the Immortan's eyes, Slash's wildness only increased his appeal, and fueled Joe's desire to tame his prize – turning tempestuous Slash into the the object of his Desire. Izzy could tell that Slash was smart, he quickly learned how to choose his battles without fully giving in. But what he didn't realize was that Slash's observant gaze was so often turned towards him, silently evaluating a potential enemy or ally.

In the present, Slash was giving him the exact same stare. Wide-eyed and piercing, as intense as the sun but as dark as night.

"I was jealous," he told Izzy with complete conviction, as if that was the only sensible reaction to fresh, disfiguring burn scars. "I wanted your scars, so that Joe would only look at me the way he looked at you then. You're lucky, you know?"

By the next morning, the past was forgotten – or at least, Izzy, Axl, and Slash collectively decided not to bring it up again. There were more pressing matters, plans to be drawn and decisions to be made. Just about nothing in the past 24 hours had gone the way Izzy imagined it would: First they took on a stowaway War Boy, then the deal with the Buzzards fell through, and now they found themselves aimless in the middle of the Wasteland with only another day's worth of guzzoline.

Ahead of them – barren desert, uncharted wastes, and a seemingly infinite expanse of lifeless salt flats. And behind them – as Axl helpfully pointed out – fresh water, green plants, and a veritable fortress.

And a War Party, did he forget about the War Party? God, maybe Axl really was mad, suggesting that they go back the way they came and face Immortan Joe and his lackeys head on. Or maybe, Izzy wondered, they were all mad for agreeing to go along with his plan.

As they prepared the War Rig for a very hard day's ride, Slash approached Izzy in private.

"Look... Stradlin. I know this wasn't what you planned. I'm sorry that you and Axl didn't get to make a clean getaway and put this hell behind you, I really am. But... Thank you."

"Thank me if we survive tomorrow," Izzy replied. Maybe he was trying to sound gruff and indifferent, but he and Slash both knew the Citadel’s ghosts far too well to believe it.

The Gigahorse was gaining on the War Rig fast, its monstrous tires bumping against the rear of the truck like a dog trying to mount a bitch, but neither Slash nor Duff payed the beast any attention.

Slash couldn’t tear his eyes away from the dark red stain on Duff's bandaged chest. It was growing – not like a seed, but like a wildfire, fast and merciless and deadly. He didn't know that it was still possible to feel like the world was ending, but now he thought that the emptiness in his chest, the cold heartbreak and furious hopelessness – this must be how people before felt when the world died.

Duff's fingertips touched Slash's chin and gently tilted his head up. Slash tore his eyes away from the bleeding wound to meet Duff's gaze.

"Slash, it's okay. It's all going to be fine." He took a labored breath. "Just... Remember me, alright?"

He was smiling, like he really, truly believed that everything would work out, even as he dropped his hands from Slash's face to pick up their last exploding lance and a half-gallon of guzzoline.

"No, Duff, please don't – " Don't go, don't leave me... The words died on Slash's tongue. It was hard to beg for mercy when he had long since forgone the belief that the Wasteland was capable of giving any.

Duff though, he believed. Maybe that was Slash's fault, or maybe it was something ingrained in Duff's soul from birth, almost a half-lifetime ago, but he believed he had a purpose, that he could put all the misery at the Citadel to an end, that he could help Slash to start his new life, that he could put an end to his own body's slow decay.

Duff took his last look at Slash's dust-streaked, grief-struck face – and then jumped.

At that moment, Slash wouldn't have noticed if the sun fell out of the sky. He didn't move or even breathe as the Gigahorse blossomed into a mass of blazing orange petals that forced apart its metal hull and consumed Duff and Immortan Joe alike.

Slash stared as the wreckage shrank away in the wake of the War Rig. Only a rising column of heavy black smoke was still visible when Axl reached a hand to his shoulder and gently guided him back to the cab.

They had to stop the Rig to collect Joe's body, knowing that they couldn't claim to have killed the Immortan, the undying, a god among men without proof. Steven jumped off the Rig before it fully stopped and took off running to see the corpse of a man he once worshipped with his own eyes. Slash moved to follow, but Axl blocked him and gave Izzy a pointed look.

For once, Izzy conceded without a fight. He wrapped an arm around Slash's shoulder and guided him back to his seat.

"Slash, you need to rest. Steven and Axl will take care of it."

Satisfied that Izzy would look after Slash, who was obviously in shock, Axl turned to follow after Steven, gravel and charred bits of metal crunching beneath his feet.

Steven stared into the gruesome wreckage, quieter than Axl had ever seen him and looking like he couldn't decide whether he'd rather run away from the pale corpse, or beat it with a lug wrench. Axl couldn't blame him, just the knowledge that the man had hurt Izzy for years was enough to make him want to spit down his ruptured esophagus. In the end though, exhaustion won over and they hauled the mangled body back to the War Rig without any additional desecration.

The rest of the wreck was... not salvageable. The Gigahorse might have been Joe's pride and glory when he was alive, but now it was no more than a heap of charred steel, a grim warning to all those who pass.

And as for Duff... There would be no gravedigging in the hard-packed clay, but Axl didn't think Duff would want to be buried in the toxic soil anyway. A mound of rocks would suffice instead, a tribute that Axl hoped would last for the rest of the lifetime Duff deserved.

When they finally climbed back into the cab of the Rig, Axl twisted around and reached into the backseat to press a dirty lock and chain into Slash's hands.

"Izzy... you have a responsibility for these people."

"Responsibility? I don't owe them shit. I was as much a prisoner at the Citadel as any of them, I'm not going back and if they have any sense they won't either."

"The water at the Citadel is too important to abandon. You have to make sure that no one else tries to do what Immortan Joe did, to hoard the water and use it to own people instead of helping them."

"Didn't realize that spending two thousand days on your own would make you care so much about the common good."

Axl turned away with a grimace. "You don't know what I've been doing since you left." He tried not to let it sound like an accusation, but Izzy got the message anyway.

“The kids are going to need you,” he added, still looking at the horizon instead of Izzy. “I mean, Slash is pregnant for fuck’s sake. You’re not just going to drop him off to deal with all the ghosts in that hellhole alone, are you? Especially after...” He glanced at the figure curled under his old leather jacket in the rearview mirror, making sure that Slash was still sleeping like the dead in the backseat.

"You're right. Again." Izzy sighed. "Fine. I'll stay at the Citadel, for a little while."

"Good." Axl rested a reassuring hand on Izzy's arm. "I'll go with you, alright? I'll help you do what you need to do, and then we can leave and never look back."

Slash stood on the carved outcrop jutting out from the tallest tower in the Citadel. His skin was tanned, his hair was wild, and a steel chain with a broken lock was twisted into the stained cloth at his waist. Above his head, the skull edifice was scarred by a jagged gash, no longer a monument to the Immortan's false glory. Below his feet, fresh, cold water churned impatiently in the irrigation channels, desperate to be released.

Steven stood behind him, a bit battered, but the encouraging grin on his face was no worse for wear. On his other side, Izzy surveyed the scene below, and a few steps deeper in the shadows Axl lurked impatiently, trying not to let on his anticipation.

The crowd of formerly-Wretched roared when Slash stepped forward and rested his hands on the levers, their shouts echoing between the towers. It felt like the largest crowd of people that Slash had seen in his life, and every one of them was watching him. For a moment, he wondered if Duff would be proud – but Slash didn't feel proud, he felt like his knees might buckle.

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut. Fuck victory speeches, he just wanted everyone to get the water they deserved. He thrust the levers forward, and listened to the water as it burst from the pipes and rained down to the ground, a thunderous cascade almost as loud as the overwhelming relief ringing in his ears.

----

#sodafics #gnr fanfic #gnr #guns n roses #guns and roses #slash #saul hudson #steven adler #izzy stradlin #duff mckagan #axl rose #mad max #mad max au

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rosesisupposes · 4 years

Text

with a door between them

this is one part projection/comfort, two parts fix-it

Set right after SVS Pt 2: Putting Others First

read on ao3

characters: Roman, Janus (Remus is mentioned but not present)

pairings: no romantic; platonic roceit

content tags: dialogue-heavy fic; self-doubt; crisis of self-worth; arguing; Roman-centric hurt/comfort; apologies; fix-it fic

reader tags: @royally-anxious @jemthebookworm @arandompasserby @sparkly-rainbow-salt @astral-eclipse @thelowlysatsuma @adorably-angsty @max-is-tired @almostoveranalyzed @potestessemagishomosexualitatis @mariniacipher @vintage-squid

word count: 1,619

⁂

Janus fidgets with his gloves, staring at the gilded door in front of him. He takes a breath, and knocks.

“Yes?”

“May I come in?”

“Are you sure you didn’t mean to go to Remus’ door instead, I know you get us confused!”

“Roman, I just want to talk.”

“Thanks but no thanks, I’ve had enough lectures for one day!”

“I’m not here to lecture you-”

“I don’t care. Go away.”

“Roman, please, just listen-”

Instead of a reply, Janus hears the orchestral sounds that mean Roman’s opened up a portal to the Imagination.

With a sigh, Janus pushing open the bedroom door to see the portal starting to close. He snaps, and it freezes just long enough for him to follow the Prince into his realm.

A grand castle, shimmering in polished marble and gilded roofs, stands before him. A flicker of a familiar red sash pulls his attention to the highest tower. He makes his way through the corridors and staircases until he finds the heavy oak door to the tower room.

“Roman, listen, please, just for a moment-”

“Oh my god, do you have to just slither in everywhere? Is it not enough to just fucking bask in your newfound acceptance and everyone agreeing with you? You’ve just gotta rub it in how wrong I always am?!”

“No, I just really need-”

“The only thing you need to get lost. There’s a whole magical forest just south of here, why don’t you try it. Better yet, get out of the kingdom.”

“I’m not leaving. I need to talk to you.”

“Too bad, this castle is enchanted so that no one can lie, guess you’ll have nothing to say.”

“That’s rather harsh.”

“Yeah, well,” Roman says with a bitter laugh. “That’s all I’m good for now. Just fuck off and let me wallow, will you?”

“I have something you need to hear.”

“Too bad.”

Janus sighs, and sinks against the wall, sitting on the tower landing. He glances at the heavy door, and settles in to wait.

Long moments pass in silence, before Janus hears a huff on the other side of the door. “You’re still there, aren’t you.”

“I am.”

“Ugh.”

Janus hears footsteps, retreating and returning. Roman must be pacing on the other side of the door. Janus just waits.

“Shouldn’t you and Patton be busy planning your wedding by now?” Roman grumbles.

“And break my confirmed bachelorhood?”

“Ugh!”

More footsteps, stomping across the stone floor and back.

“Does Virgil know what happened yet?”

“I assume so.”

“He hasn’t said anything to you yet?”

“I haven’t exactly gone out of my way to let him hiss at me more.”

“Of course you haven’t.”

Stomp-stomp-stomp.

“Why are you just sitting there!!! Don’t you have anything better to do than annoy me?”

“I told you, it’s important that I talk to you.”

“And I told you, I don’t want to hear it!”

“I know.”

“So why won’t you just leave?”

“Because it’s important.”

“UGH!”

The steps shuffle and stop. Something thuds against the door, followed by the sound of cloth sliding against wood. Janus shifts until he’s leaning against the door from the outside.

“I don’t see what could possibly be so important that only you could tell me,” Roman grumbles.

“Who would you have preferred in my stead?”

“Anyone but my brother. Actually, scratch that, I’d rather have Remus.”

Janus smirks, knowing Roman can’t see him. “What’s the saying? Blood is thicker than water?”

Roman snorts. “You’re not water. Unless you’ve secretly been Jesus this whole time and you keep miracle-ing it into wine.”

“Alas, no, my secret is out, how ever will I recover.”

Roman huffs out laughter, then groans. “No, stop that. No making me laugh when I’m mad at you. Fuck off. Go away.”

“Sorry, no can do. Not until you let me tell you what I came to say.”

“Lalalalala, I can’t hear you! Hm, wonder if the snake is talking? I don’t know, I can’t hear anything. Lalalala blah blah blah blah bubba gump shrimp!”

Janus waits as Roman continues to ramble, fiddling with his cape chain until the stream of words lessens to a trickle.

“I don’t think either of you is the “evil” twin, you know,” Janus says as Roman finally lapses into silence.

“What?”

“You and Remus. I don’t think either of you are evil. Evil implies some inherent level of ill will.”

“Okay but- wait, what? Is this what you came to say? Is this the big thing that couldn’t wait?”

“No, but- earlier. I’m quite fond of Remus. He’s chaotic, but not malicious . I don’t think comparing someone to him is necessarily an insult.”

Roman grunts.

“I know you don’t like the comparison, because being separate from him is important to you. But I- that’s what I wanted to say. To ask. Why do you think it’s such a sensitive issue for you?”

“You do remember how we ended up as two sides in the first place, correct?” For a moment, Roman’s voice is a dry as Janus at his most sarcastic.

“Yes, but- you’re still Creativity. Being similar to him won’t change that.”

“The mindscape named us for a reason, snakeface. I’m the Prince, not the Duke.”

“Prince William is technically a Duke-”

“Yeah, like technicalities matter in the subconscious!”

“Then what’s the big difference that overcomes the technicalities?”

“Has Thomas ever, ever, read a story where the Duke is the hero?”

Janus leans his head all the way back against the door. There’s an edge in Roman’s voice, a warning note that says don’t keep pushing. But Janus can’t let that stop him, not when they’re both so close.

“Why does being his hero matter so much?”

“It’s what I’m supposed to be!”

“So?”

“So without it, I don’t have a purpose!”

“Roman-“

Roman’s voice is speeding up, no longer talking to Janus, just himself. “No purpose means I’m useless, and useless means I’m not needed, and not needed means-“

Janus waits.

Roman’s voice breaks “If he doesn’t need me, Thomas won’t keep putting up with me.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Oh please, like you of all people don’t know.” Roman snaps, voice strained with the effort to not cry. “I might have only one brain cell but at least it still knows what I’m like. I’m extra. I’m over the top. How many times have I pulled us all into dumbassery because I didn’t pause or hesitate and just charged in? I have no impulse control, even when I really should. Like when someone trusts us with personal information that took a lot to share and I just- laugh.”

Janus grimaces. “Your reaction being inappropriate didn’t justify mine. I knew how hurtful my words would be. Like you, I didn’t control the impulse. But my slip was worse. And I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“But you’re not escaping talking about this. Thomas won’t ‘keep putting up with’ you? Roman, he loves you. You’re important to him, without being ‘of use.’”

Roman grunts.

“You don’t believe me.”

Confirming grunt.

“You still think you have to be needed.”

A pause. “Mhm.”

“Roman, what’s my function. What do I do for Thomas?

“I- well, I know it’s more than just deceit.”

“That’s right. Lies are a means to an end. And the end is self-preservation.”

“You protect him.” Roman says quietly. “From running himself ragged just to meet others’ expectations. From the rest of us completely take over his energy, whether that’s creating endlessly, or learning everything, or sacrificing himself to be perfectly selfless.”

“That’s part of it, yeah. You want to know a secret?”

“What”

“I mess up too, Prince. Not just in lashing out at you. Sometimes the lies that are meant to be self-preserving backfire.”

“I- what?”

“Sometimes, I let us tell ourselves lies that protect our egos, or that let us avoid having to grapple with more painful questions and realities. I help us spin a narrative so strong that it doesn’t even feel like a lie anymore, just a fundamental truth. But eventually, even the strongest narratives get enough holes poked into them that they crumble.”

Janus shifts, leaning sideways against the door, and continues. “And the worst part is that even as they crumble, you can’t always tell that the foundations were fabrications in the first place. You just accept them as truth, and the crumbling as failure. You believe your doubts and worries are clear-eyed truth-tellers.”

“You?”

“All of you. Thomas, Patton, Virgil, everyone. But you, Roman, most recently.”

“Oh great, I’m lying to myself now too?”

“Yes, you are.”

“And how, pray tell, am I deluding myself today?”

Janus pauses, makes sure Roman’s listening, and says, “By saying Thomas has to ‘need’ you to love you. By telling yourself you need to 'earn' your place among us. By thinking we don’t treasure you regardless of your contributions.”

“What do you- I-”

“Roman, listen very closely, okay? You are worth it. You’re worth the ‘trouble.’ You’re worthy of our love, and our time, and our care. We want you around, and we’ll keep wanting you around. Full stop.”

Silence, only quiet breathing, and Janus finally cracks open the door. Roman’s sitting on the floor, back against the wall, tears flowing through the fingers hiding his face as his shoulders wrack with silent sobs.

Janus scoots over until their shoulders touch. Without speaking, he runs a gloved hand gently through Roman’s hair, over and over, until Roman manages to speak.

“You really mean it?”

Janus turns just enough for Roman to see him as he removes the glove from his right hand. He lifts his bare hand, and waits until Roman meets his eyes to say quietly, “I promise.”

#svs redux #POF #sanders sides fanfiction #ts roman #ts janus #my smol drama son #my smol slimy boi #roses writes fanfic

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crashdevlin · 4 years

Text

Crashing 2- Sensitive Compartmentalized

Crashing Masterlist

Author’s Note: Originally posted to ao3 (This is an edited and improved version) Part Four of the Red Queen Chronicles!

Summary: Everyone wants to throw blame around about Cassie’s new personality, but does the blame really matter when she’s taken her birthright as head of Hydra?

Word Count: 4070

Pairing(s): Clint Barton x OFC, past Loki x OFC, past Bucky Barnes x OFC, past Steve Rogers x OFC

Chapter Warnings: mentions of brainwashing, mentions of murder, violence and anger

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cassie kicked in the door to the bar and looked around the dusty room. “Tell me there’s a SCIF in this dump.”

A short man with short salt and pepper hair approached her. “A what?”

She rolled her eyes. “A SCIF. Sensitive Compartmentalized Information Facility?” She groaned, adjusting the sheet of metal over her thigh. “A room with radiant foil in the walls that shuts out transmissions and WiFi and hackables.”

“Who the hell-” the man snapped as he started to grab her, but she grabbed the back of his head and bounced it against the bar.

“Heil Hydra,” she said, turning to the others. She pointed to one toward the back. “You. You dress like SHIELD. Were you?”

“Yes...uh, ma’am?”

“John Garrett, Grant Ward; these names ringing your bells?” she asked, wincing as she adjusted her grip.

“Yes, ma’am. Garrett recruited me to Hydra.”

“Were you with them when they took the Fridge?” she asked, smiling when he nodded. “They spent an hour, probably closer to forty minutes, looking for someone. You ever get a description of who?”

“Short, blond, green eyes...oh, my God, you’re her!”

“Awesome, no introduction necessary. SCIF?” she requested again. The young man nodded and rushed for a door labeled ‘Storage’. Cassie followed him into the room and leaned against the table in the SCIF. “Okay, what’s your name, man?”

“Derek Shipton,” he answered.

“I’m Cassie, Derek. Now, I need you to get me some needle-nosed pliers and some liquor. I have to cut a tracker out of this thigh, so I need you to get me a foil-lined metal box to put it in.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said before rushing out. He came back almost immediately with her supplies.

“Thank you. Oh, and Derek? I need you to look up my file and give it to the guy who used to be in charge. He kinda needs to know why he’s not in charge anymore. Projekt Kind is the file. Once I deactivate the SCIF, bring in the guy I just demoted, okay? Thanks, Derek.” Cassie smiled as the man rushed out and she locked the SCIF down.

Cassie stripped her jeans down her legs and grabbed the knife she stole from Clint. The wound had already begun to heal itself, the flesh making its efforts to grow closed over the foreign object. She took a deep breath, grinding her teeth as she dug the knife deep into each side of the wound to reopen it and grabbed the pliers. The tracker had a little blue light that blinked a slow, consistent blink. She dropped it into the box Derek brought her and slammed the lid. As she pulled up her jeans over the already-clotting wound, she unlocked the door to the SCIF, prompting Derek to run in with a tall blond man with a beard following him.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” the blond man snapped.

She sighed and looked up at him. “Derek didn’t show you my file?” she asked, boredly.

“He wouldn’t even look at it, ma’am.”

“Hm, shame,” Cassie said, standing on a chair to give her the height to wrap her hand around the bearded man’s throat and lift him up off the floor. “I was hoping to do this without much blood. I mean, I know that death and destruction, that’s the Hydra way, but I wanted to keep as much of our ranks intact as possible. We’ve been dwindling a bit. SHIELD, Captain America, the Avengers, even Ultron took out some of our high-level heads and there just aren’t two for every one anymore. I want as many of you to stick around as possible...but that doesn’t mean I’m against killing you for disrespecting me.”

She dropped the man to his feet but kept her hand wrapped firmly around his throat. “If you’d bothered to open that file, you’d know why Herr Whitehall wanted me. You’d see that I am the second daughter of Johann Schmidt.” The man’s eyes widened slightly. “You’d see that I was bred to lead and taught to kill at an early, early age. You’d see my trained proficiency with all manner of weapons and my specifically engineered IQ. Now, the only thing you wouldn’t see is the genetic fiddling that happened a few years ago that made me just...like...Daddy.”

She chuckled. “Minus the complexion issues, of course.” She licked her lips. “You will follow me...or you will die. I will tear you to pieces, just as an example and don’t...not for one second, think you can get the better of me. Do you understand?” The man was silent, looking at her in fear. “Verstehst du?”

“Yes. Yes, I understand,” he whispered.

She smiled and jumped down off the chair, letting go of his neck. “Great! I’m Cassie Campbell. You are?”

“Karl...Kraus,” he whispered, his hand going to rub at his throat.

“Awesome. Now, full disclosure, just in case it comes up...I was hanging with the Avengers for a while. I was confused, there were some identity issues...trying to be a good guy but I got over that. I’m ready to do what needs to be done now, in order to usher in the next great age and I hope you’re with me on that.”

Karl looked from Cassie to Derek, who just stared at his feet. “You’re...you’re the Red Queen. From the Battle in Sokovia.”

“Yeah. It’s not important. I’m done with them. The Avengers are the past. Hydra is the future. What do you say, Karl Kraus? You wanna help me?”

“Do I actually have a choice?” Karl asked.

“Well, you were very dismissive when I first got here, Karl, but I will still give you a bit of a choice.” She pulled open the door and walked out of the SCIF. “You can choose to stick around and support me, or you could choose death.”

Derek followed close behind her and Kraus sighed loudly as he stayed behind. “Not much of a choice.”

Cassie walked over to the bar and grabbed the first bottle that caught her attention, twisting the cap off and gulping down what turned out to be dark rum before turning to the Hydra agents. “My name is Cassie Campbell. I am the daughter of Johann Schmidt and I am going to be your new...leader. Your new queen,” she said with a smile. “I doubt any of you have met my sister Sinthea. I mean, I haven’t either, but you’ve heard the stories about her and our father but you don’t have to worry because I’m not like her.”

She sighed and shook her head. “But I have no time for questions or bitching. You will follow orders or you’ll get cut loose. You do what you’re told, I won’t kill you. It’s that simple. I will, of course, need files on everyone. Your names, numbers, ranks, blah blah blah. Shipton and Kraus will be in charge of that. When I’ve found a place to bunk down, I’ll be back. If you don’t support me, then leave quietly while I’m gone. There’ll be no retaliation for the lack of faith.” She nodded at Derek before walking out, bottle in hand, as the Hydra agents in the bar started to whisper amongst themselves.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What do you mean, you were too late? Romanoff couldn’t stall her?” Fury’s voice could be heard throughout the farmhouse dining room, even though Coulson’s phone wasn’t on speaker. The house was full of sad, silent, seething people who couldn’t decide who they were angry at.

“An arrow to the leg couldn’t stall her, Nick,” Steve said, arms crossed over his chest as he stared at his feet. “She was determined not to have her memories wiped again.”

“Put me on goddamn speaker.” Phil fiddled with the buttons on his phone. “She what?” Fury snapped.

“She knew you were going to wipe her memories so she ran to avoid going through that again. Hydra wiped her several times and then SHIELD did, too,” Bucky spoke up. He pushed his hair out of his face with the new prosthetic Cassie provided him when she woke him up. He looked around the room at the others. “Knowing that there are pieces of your memories, pieces of you, missing that you can’t even identify...that’s so much worse than knowing what Hydra made us into.”

Clint growled deep in his chest, finally deciding who he was angry with. “This is your fault!” he shouted, glaring at Bucky.

“Excuse me?” Bucky asked. “I wasn’t even here when-”

“Barton, calm down,” Steve said, stepping protectively in front of his best friend as Clint jumped to his feet.

“No! We were fine!” Clint fought the urge to clench his left fist as his right hand went to the empty holster for his knife. “We were happy and we were gonna be married until you came in with your ‘kindred spirits’ hunky emo guyliner bullshit! She would be in this mess if you hadn’t convinced her to freeze herself so that Loki could grab her. She hadn’t had any issues with him in months! He was leaving her alone but you served her up on a silver fuckin’ platter and how could he resist?!”

“He never stopped watching her. He was trying to endear himself to her by helping her, but you wouldn’t know that, would you?” Bucky asked, standing. He pushed Steve a bit as he leaned closer to the archer. “You’re just her ex-fiance and that’s because you were such a self-absorbed crumb that you couldn’t even tell when her insomnia got to her. You couldn’t tell when her nightmares took over.”

“I knew she was remembering, Barnes! You think I’m an idiot?”

“Don’t put words in my mouth,” Bucky responded, calmly. “I think you’re worse than that. I think you act like an idiot to disguise the fact that you’re an asshole. I didn’t convince her to go into cryo, you did...because she knew that you would treat her different if you knew she was a killer. Something about you looking at me like I’m a rabid dog and her not being able to deal with you looking at her the same way. She just knew you wouldn’t love her if you knew she was a monster. So it’s not my fault, Barton, it’s yours.”

Clint’s eyes went wide. “She’d already sent you to kill Steve! She was beyon-”

“Shut the hell up!” Fury yelled, pulling the men’s attention from their fight. “This is not Sergeant Barnes’ fault and it’s not Barton’s either. This is my fault. I should have grabbed her when she was in Africa, wiped her before she ever made it to the Wakandan Border.”

Bucky’s jaw tensed. “Wiping her is what caused this whole-”

“I appreciate your input, Sergeant, but wiping her would have ended this just as much as it started it,” Fury interrupted.

“She would have known that something was wrong. She’s known something was wrong the whole time,” Steve spat toward the phone.

“A temporary solution is still a damn solution, Rogers.”

“Whatever. What are we going to do about her now?” Natasha asked, moving from standing next to Clint to be closer to Coulson’s phone. “She’s decided she’s Hydra. We can’t wipe her without getting rid of everything that made her Red Queen.”

“We could add new memories...similar memories,” Phil responded.

Steve looked around the room at everyone. “So, what, we’re just going to find her and erase her again?”

“Is that not better than letting her try to kill everyone she cares about?” Wanda finally spoke up.

“Maybe she’ll leave everybody alone if we leave her alone. Let her live her homicidal dreams with the Nazis.” No one could really tell if Barney was joking.

“Was that your brother, Barton?” Fury asked.

“Yeah. I live here,” Barney defended.

“He kinda lives here,” Clint corrected. “He’s the one that shot her, since…I am not gonna be shooting anything any time soon.” He looked down at his hand.

“You could always pick up a gun again and shoot righty,” Nat suggested.

“I don’t want to pick up a gun! Not if we’re going after her.”

“Okay, I’m gonna have to be the one to say it,” Sam said, looking upset to be in that position as ‘the one to say it’. “She was more than willing to kill all of us. She sent Barnes to attack Steve. He’d be dead if I hadn’t pulled distraction.” He gestured at Clint. “She was gonna do a lot worse than a broken hand to Clint. She’s taken up with her father’s Nazi friends and I, for one, can’t back rehabilitation for a Nazi. She’s not our Red Queen anymore. She’s gone so far darkside that even Loki thought it was a good idea to give her some space. The school-approved solution for evil is not wiping memories. School-approved solution’s exactly what Steve did to her dad.”

“We can’t kill her!” Clint and Steve exclaimed at the same time.

“Then capture and incarcerate,” Natasha suggested. “Put the Raft to the use it was actually made for.”

“Has anyone called Stark?” Steve asked, suddenly. “He’s going to need to know. Rhodes, Vision, they’re all in danger.”

“I already made that call. It wasn’t pleasant,” Fury answered. “Of course, now I need to update him that she escaped. I am not happy to be making that call either.”

“Let us know what Stark says,” Steve demanded before walking out of the farmhouse. Bucky followed close behind. “This is our fault, Buck. We should have had Nick Fury come get her after she killed that warlord in Africa.”

“That’s not our fault. She didn’t want to go with him. You know that. She wanted to be with us.”

“Did she?” Steve snapped. “Or did we just want her with us? What if we just wanted her and she remembered, got taken by Loki and remember all this horrible stuff, because we wanted her?”

Bucky shook his head. “She got out of the Raft and she could’ve gone home but she didn’t. She took Loki’s help to come find us in Egypt. She wanted to be with us and we did the right thing taking her to Wakanda. She shouldn’t have gone on ice, but when we did it, it seemed like the best option. We didn’t want to hurt anyone.”

Steve scoffed. “And now she wants to kill us and take over the world. She was such a good woman when she went in.”

“She still is,” Bucky argued.

“After what she’s done, you can’t say that.”

“I can. I believe she still is. I mean, look at me,” Bucky said.

Steve sighed. “It’s different. You were brainwashed. She’s not. She’s the opposite of that. She’s had all her brainwashing taken away. She’s who she was supposed to be now.”

“No. Who she’s supposed to be is the same woman who dropped everything to come help us in Germany and who trekked through Africa with us. That’s who she’s supposed to be, and she can be again.”

“I hope you’re right, Buck.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tony walked into his penthouse of Stark Tower and headed for the bar. “Lights.” He looked perplexed as he stayed in the dark. “Friday, lights.”

“Hope you don’t mind, boss,” a voice from the closest sofa made him turn, instantly alert. “Thought we might be better off just the two of us so I told Friday to take a nap.”

The sight of the blond woman sitting with her back to him, a drink in her hand, shouldn’t have made him so nervous, but it did. “My suit?” he asked. He had ways to call the suit, even without Friday, but it would be more than a little difficult.

“These bracelets look so much better on me, don’t you think?” She raised the hand that wasn’t holding a good crystal tumbler of his best scotch to show off the remote to summon his suit. “Come have a seat, Stark,” she commanded.

“You don’t need my suit to kill me, Cassie,” Tony said, not budging from his spot behind her.

“I’m not here to kill you, boss. I came to you because you’re the only one I knew would actually talk to me...without any of the bullshit about trying to send me to Fury. Come have a seat, please.” Her tone was desperate but not angry, so Tony walked down and sat on the sofa across from her.

“You look like crap,” Tony said, candidly, as he looked over her. She was paler than normal, her eyes ringed with dark circles.

She let out a scoffing chuckle. “I feel...like I’ve been put through a blender. All of this...got so out of hand. I remember now. Those words they put in my head, they were just to make me remember.” She leaned forward slightly. “See, Strucker wiped me when SHIELD showed up so I’d be able to deny everything if SHIELD asked. I’d be able to pretend to be normal because I wouldn’t know that I wasn’t. I guess Wolfgang forgot the part where he comes and gets me back from Fury...or maybe I was supposed to stay at the Fridge until they revealed themselves and killed SHIELD, I don’t know.”

“Remembering your shitty childhood made you evil? Pretty sure every Avenger on the roster has that box checked and Vision never had a childhood.”

“I didn’t want this,” she whispered, looking away and taking a drink. “I didn’t send Bucky to kill Steve. He’ll remember that once someone actually asks him what his mission was. I just needed Bucky out of stasis because Loki has the red book and I couldn’t risk Loki using Bucky against us. I sent him to the new base because I knew Steve wouldn’t let anything happen to Bucky and he’d be safe with the one man who would move Heaven and Earth to keep him that way.”

She ran her hand across her mouth and leaned forward more. “I was going to try to ease into telling Clint the truth...what I remembered I did in the past, the changes that happened when I remembered, but...I said one word, one thing that wasn’t what Clint thought his woman should say, and he attacked me.” She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before shaking her head. “I had to make a split-second decision: grovel at his feet, apologize for the woman I am now, the woman I was always supposed to be...beg him to love me and tell him how much I want to change and be the woman he fell for…” She shrugged and leaned back into the back of the sofa.

“Or be the woman he decided I was in the moment before he hit me. I couldn’t bring myself to go the weak route, not after so many years doing just that, so I had to commit to the Hydra angle and for me to do that, you all have to either leave me the hell alone or die.”

Tony’s eyebrows shot up. “You aren’t even gonna give the rest of us a chance to get to know the new you?”

“If Clint, who swears he loves me, can’t deal with the new me then why should I expect the rest of you to be okay with me?”

“Cass...people change. We can get to know the person you are now if you let us,” he offered.

“The man supposedly blinded by love couldn’t deal, Tony,” she exclaimed softly. “I’m too different. I’m colder, angrier, more prone to violence. I like violence, and the smell of gunpowder the-the snap of broken bones. I am so not the Cassie you know.”

“Okay, so there’s a little more Red Skull in your Red Queen,” Tony said, leaning forward to grab a tablet from the table between them. “But you don’t wanna kill us, Skipper.”

She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Of course I don’t. You’re the only family I have.” She licked her lips and shook her head in exasperation. “But if it comes down to a question of me killing all of you or me being sent back to Fury for him to wipe me clean and become the person he and Clint think I should be...I will shed a tear for each of you and then I will move the fuck on with my life.”

“I know you, Cassie. You’re one of the few people in this world that I’ve taken the time to actually, you know, know. Just because you’re a little angrier than you used to be doesn’t mean you need to go Dark Side. You can be Anakin without being Vader.”

Cassie smiled and looked into his eyes. “You think any of them will wanna talk to me now? With the woman I am now? I broke Clint’s hand and I enjoyed it. I sent Winter Soldier after Steve. I am the embodiment of everything Hydra wanted of me.”

“Not true,” he disputed. “You aren’t a Nazi. You’re just a little different. You could come back, be an Avenger. It’s really just me, Rhodey, and Vision right now, the Spider kid is a ‘sometimes’. We can get used to you.”

She looked conflicted as she took another drink. “I’ve already taken over Hydra, Tony. I’m fine to go all the way on this. I can even turn Hydra into a respectable organization, maybe even better than SHIELD. No secrets in my organization.”

“No, you can’t. Even the Avengers aren’t better than SHIELD,” Tony said, tapping on the tablet. “We’ve all got our secrets. We’ve all got our issues. Don’t write us off. Write off Barton, I don’t give a fuck, but don’t write me off. I don’t care if you have a rage issue. I mean, look how close I was with Banner.”

She sighed and leaned forward to set the glass on the table. “You really don’t care? You don’t care that Strucker had me brutally murder two SHIELD agents before my age was even in the double digits, or that I crushed an African warlord’s hyoid bone? You don’t care that I broke Barton’s hand and I relished the sound of his bones crushing under my foot?”

“I can get behind that, all of it. As long as you’re crushing the bones of the bad guys. I mean, you signed the Accords. You belong to the UN. As long as you’re breaking the bones of the guys they send us after, I don’t mind it. Look, this might not be you anymore…” Tony held up the tablet to show a picture of Cassie smiling with all of the lab techs in the Olympia lab. “...but I think you could still be this.” He swiped the screen to show a screen capture of footage from the battle of Sokovia. She was beating an Ultron into the ground next to the core, her fists through it’s metal face. “Red Queen was a little more violent than Cassie Campbell, but you always seemed more free when you were in the field. I liked that. Com’on, Red. You don’t have to be Hydra to be yourself.”

Cassie stared at the picture for a long few moments before she stood. “I’ll think about it...if you can guarantee me that I will not be erased again. Hydra wiped me, SHIELD wiped me. I just wanna be me. If you want me to trust you, Stark...and I desperately want to be able to trust you...I need assurances that I will not be wiped by the people who are supposed to be my friends.”

He stood as well, putting down the table and picking up what was left of the glass of scotch. “I won’t let anyone change you, Red. Never again.”

The corner of her mouth lifted in a slight smile. “Should’ve come to you first. I was just really hoping Clint would give me the time.”

“That’s what you get for letting your heart guide you,” he chastised.

“Oh? And what exactly is guiding you to be so supportive of me, boss?”

“Ah, that’s all in my beautiful brain, Lab Rat.” Tony swallowed down the last bit of liquor as Cassie walked toward the elevator. “You’ll let me know what you decide?”

“I’ve got your number.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Kitchen Sink - @emoryhemsworth @flamencodiva @wasabiwitteks @rainbowkisses31 @rissbennett @mariekoukie6661 @officiallyunofficialperson @dolphincliffs @mrs-meghan-winchester @gayspacenerd @foxyjwls007 @ilovefanfic86 @marvelfansworld @f-yeahfandoms @wonderlandfandomkingdom @hhiggs @sev3nruby @hobby27 @paintballkid711 @divadinag @thewhiterabbit42 @fantasymyth-1 @queenoftheunderdark @cosicas-cuquis @superfanficnatural @letsby @supernatural-bellawinchester @onethirstyunicorn @swinchester27 @chalicia @sunnyroadtrips @screechingartisancashbailiff @death-unbecomes-you @dayasvalkyrie Hero Tags - @atc74 @winchesterxfamilybusiness @holylulusworld

#cassie writes stuff #marvel fanfiction #red queen chronicles #OFC #brainwashing

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kantuck · 5 years

Text

ADhD, something to think about.

A friend sent me this: (I’m copy/pasting, mistakes are the authors.)

“Kan, saw this on FB, thinking of you.”

I was asked a while ago by a friend to share my thoughts on ADHD, and what I believe about this unique neuro-diversity that we all seem to have. It has taken me some time to put it into words, but here is the basic gist of it and I hope it can help someone to understand the “why” behind what we all experience.

ADHD is not a curse, It is not broken, it is NOT a malfunction of the brain or a “Mis-wiring”. It is not from your mother smoking cigarettes when you were in utero, and it is NOT from too much television as a child. ADHD is a Nuero-diversity. It is a different wiring of the brain as it relates to the body and to information collection AND most importantly it has a purpose! Before I get to that piece though, let me share with you what I KNOW about ADHD.

ADHD is a label that we have assigned to individuals that present with a specific set of symptoms associated with a diagnosable neuro-diversity. These symptoms can include things like distractibility, forgetfulness, inattention, hyper-focused attention, emotional storms, irritability, feelings of worthlessness, active or overactive imagination, tardiness or skewed senses of time, imposter syndrome, out of control thoughts, and severely low self-esteem.

Recently, research studies have identified three (3) aspects of ADHD that are experienced by almost everyone with this neuro-diversity and not experienced by almost none without it.

Interest-based nervous system: Not just interest-based attention, but your entire nervous system functions differently based on your level of interest. When you find something truly interesting it will actually energize you. Sleep is irrelevant, Food is a fleeting thought. You are sustained by interest. Have you ever found yourself up way past time to go to bed, forgot that you had to go to the bathroom, or didn’t eat, just because you were so interested in something? Yeah, me too.

Emotional Hyper-Arousal: Imagine this like you have a volume knob for “Emotions” and yours is turned up 5 notches higher than the neuro-typical people around you. Your highs are higher, your lows are lower. Merely funny is hilarious and mildly sad is sorrowful. Everything is extreme. Not worth humor is funny and not worth heartache is indeed sad. Every emotion felt is more-than.

Rejection-sensitive-dysphoria: Basically, we are hypersensitive to rejection, from anyone. It doesn’t really matter if we consciously care about the individual or group that is enacting the rejection. We are just hyper-sensitive to being rejected by anyone for any reason. Even if we don’t want to be part of the club, we are sensitive to the club not wanting us as a member kind of thing.

Now if we combine these symptoms and aspects we begin to see some pretty obvious and reoccurring traits that cause problems in daily life.

Imposter syndrome: Minimizing our accomplishments and maximizing our failures or faults. If we succeed, then it was easy or luck, but if we fail it is because we are flawed or broken and we are totally responsible.

Hyper-focus: I can be focused on something that I am interested in, but cannot manage to pay attention to a board meeting. I am all about the next book coming out, but forget my anniversary.

Emotional storm: I have a thousand thoughts running through my head and each one has an emotion that I have to feel as it passes and therefore I feel a thousand emotions in the span of a few seconds and cannot differentiate between them.

There are many many more that I don’t think that I need to list. You can see the patterns I am sure.

What if…..?

What if ADHD was natural?

What if ADHD was not ADHD, but something else?

What if ADHD was NOT a Deficit or a Disorder, but an adaptation?

Scientific research now suggests that what we know as ADHD is actually an evolutionary adaptation to a Hunter/Gather lifestyle.

In a natural environment, where there are predators and prey, where the rustling of leaves, or the flash of game in the periphery, or the trickling of water heard, could mean the difference between life or death, it is actually an extreme benefit to have an overabundance of involuntary attention. It is a bonus to be hyper-aware (distractable).

This is why so many that have ADHD wired brains find solace in natural environments. There is so much to “Pull” our attention, but so little to “Pay” attention to. We find ourselves recharged by walks in the forest or sitting near a babbling brook. This is our natural born element and so it invigorates us.

So why so few of us then? Well, let's look at that. Darwin’s theories of evolution state that: If there is a mutation in an individual that is part of a species that makes that individual more likely to survive, then that mutation will be passed along to its offspring and therefore make the offspring more likely to survive than it’s counterparts of the same species and thus, the mutation will eventually, though the process of natural selection, be distributed to the entire species and will no longer be a mutation, just part of the species. For example: if a bird has a mutation that increases its beak size and that increases its survivability, then eventually the entire species will have larger beaks. So, let's look back at 20,000 years into our human history. Everyone that existed on the planet were hunter/gathers. It is very likely that at that time, the majority of individuals were also what we call today, ADHD. Then one day, someone decided that it would be a good idea to plant & farm & build walls & raise livestock & stay in one place.

Now we have these sedentary people that are NOT hunting or gathering in dangerous environments. They are protected by walls and removed from danger.

However, we still have all these ADHDers that cannot stand being still, so they are still hunting and gathering and putting themselves in danger.

Who is more survivable now?

Fast forward 20,000 years…..97% of all humans are sedentary and only 3% are ADHDers.

ADHD is not new, it is not made up by Pharma, it has always been here, just never called the same thing. The first mention of an individual that appeared to display ADHD symptoms that I found was from the writing of Hippocrates, also known as the father of modern medicine, he stated: The patient has quickened responses to sensory experience, but also less tenaciousness because the soul moves on quickly to the next impression.

Back then, “soul” was the word for mind and “impression’ was the word for thought. So what he was saying is ...The patient has heightened responses to external stimulation but has less follow-through because the mind moves on quickly to the next thought.

If that is not ADHD I don’t know what is.

This is not a bad thing though. All we need to do is look throughout history to see ADHDers in action. We can take the symptomatology that we know now and apply it to historical figures and we see that the most innovative and influential individuals in history were probably ADHDers.

Socrates Leonardo Da Vinci Mozart Benjamin Franklin The Wright Brothers Salvadore Dali Walt Disney Nikola Tesla Thomas Edison Albert Einstien John F. Kennedy And if those names don’t do anything for you then how about these names of self-professed ADHDers:

Justin Bieber Simone Biles David Blaine Terry Bradshaw Richard Branson Andre Brown Jim Carrey James Carville Jim Caviezel Wendy Davis Katherine Ellison Josh Freeman Ryan Gosling Viglil Green Ed Hallowell, M.D. Woody Harrelson Mariette Hartley Cameron Herold Paris Hilton Christopher Knight Solange Knowles Adam Kreek Jenny Lawson Greg LeMond Adam Levine Howie Mandel Audra McDonald Alan Meckler Rep. Kendrick Meek Matt Morgan David Neeleman Paul Orfalea Ty Pennington Michael Phelps Pete Rose Michele Rodriguez Louis Smith Leigh Steinberg Payne Stewart Shane Victorino Bubba Watson Henry Winkler Brookley Wofford

ADHD is not the “fault” it’s the exception. We have always been here and we have always been the ones that are changing the world.

There is statistically a higher percentage of ADHD in America than in Europe. Researchers believe that this is because our founding fathers and the immigrants that are our heritage had the out-of-the-box impulsiveness to pack up and go across an entire ocean to make a better life!

ADHD is not a curse, it is not a disorder, society has the disorder because as much as it touts individuality, it is only acknowledged once an individual complies with the obligation of normalcy. You cannot be creative unless you can get to work on time. You cannot be innovative unless all your bills are paid. Blah Blah Blah….

Being born with ADHD is like being born with a beautiful pair of raven black angel wings. Imagine for a moment how that would be. You would be shunned as a freak. Called an abomination. You would try to hide your birthright if only to “Fit in” or be “normal”, and always throughout all of the insults and put-downs, through all of the pain and sorrow, all you would have to do is spread those beautiful black wings and soar….

We are not the problem. We are the solution. We are the R&D while everyone else trudges on the assembly line. We are the inventors and the visionaries, while the neuro-typical are content with the status quo. We take the risks and run the chance….sometimes to our detriment, but also sometimes to glory.

Doubt yourself all you want. Tell us all that “your” ADHD is a disorder or a disability, but make no mistake…..You are amazing.

#ADhD

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capes-and-cowls · 2 years

Text

The Hacker Finds Her Way

Naomi Dela Cruz clicked away on the keyboard. The computer she was on was good, but not quite as good as the one in her apartment. Mind you, that one was now behind a lock along with an eviction notice.

Instead she typed away on the computer she had from Benjamin Montague. He paced behind her.

“Cowboy, if you keep that pacing up, you’re going to wear a hole in that carpet,” she said, never once looking beyond the computer screen.

“You are taking your time getting things done, my little dancer,” he responded.

“I’m as tall as you, hardly a little dancer.”

“The way your fingers work the keyboards, I would say that you…”

Bethany Wright, better known as Silver Fox cleared her throat, looking at Benjamin. He cracked his neck and sighed.

“I know things take time, in this case, as this is a sensitive subject, you can understand my desire to have this done quickly.”

Her fingers were delicate as they flew across the keyboard.

“Crey are smart, that last thing we need is for our information to wind up in their hands, while we’re trying to get their information in ours, Cowboy.”

She’d called him “Cowboy” since he appeared in her club. It was a pet name she would give to her clients, so she didn’t have to call them by name.

Her eyes flashed on something, and she stopped. She was in the system now, with her signal bouncing all around Paragon City. By the time The Crey would be able to trace them, she’d already change their IP address. But something caught her eye about this Crey warehouse.

“Faultline, just like you said,” she said, but she wasn’t looking at her nanotech project she had built, instead it was a name.

“Cowboy, have you ever heard of an Antonia Castilla?”

Benjamin stopped and looked at her.

“No,” he said rather matter of fact. “So, unless they are a guard, they don’t concern us. Why?”

“Because she’s listed as an asset in this warehouse.”

“Well, now you have my attention,” he said as he leaned over her shoulder. “What can you tell me about her?”

“Massive cybernetic testing…blah blah blah ‘previous attempt to create Crey Cyborg unsuccessful’, well that sounds interesting, would hate to meet that guy in a dark alley.”

“So, she’s being held there?” His question was almost of an incredulous nature.

“She’s hyperbaric,” she looked back at him. “She’s asleep, Cowboy. Like they want to use her on missions, but first have to fuck up her brain, so she’ll do what they tell her to do. Fuckin criminal.”

Benjamin nodded. “Is she dangerous?”

Naomi continued typing, looking at the screen. “Not in her current state,” she said. “They implant into her brain, and she could be a Hell of an assassin.” Another Crey move to exploit someone. Not on her watch.

“We gotta break her out.”

Benjamin looked at her, and even Bethany looked up, and looked him dead in the eye.

“Absolutely not, our job is to get your tech out of there.”

She stopped typing and dropped one of their protective walls on the scan.

“Well, Cowboy,” she said flatly. “Her tech is my tech. So, if you don’t want to save her, I will. But then you don’t get my tech at all. This way, Cowboy, you get the tech, and another soldier.”

“We have zero proof that would be the case, Benji,” Bethany was in full protection mode.

Naomi turned and looked at Benjamin, crossing her long legs in front of him. He stood there, considering his move. She reached over and turned off another protective wall.

“Ten seconds and The Crey knows you’ve been looking around,” she said softly, almost teasing him. “Do you really want that to happen, Cowboy.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I guess you win this round, little dancer. Lead the way and tell me what needs to be done.”

Bethany stared daggers at him. Naomi had gotten her way, and this no doubt could be the beginning of many times she would do that to him. First, there was the girl from the Club, and now the stripper was calling the shots. He liked being around strong women, but this was becoming too much.

She made her way towards the kitchen.

“You’re leaving in a hurry,” he said.

“Someone has to get the car ready, Benji. We’ll need something larger than the norm, since we’ll need not only something for the hardware, but also for the new software we’ll be bringing back with us. Oh, and before I forget…”

She flipped him off. He laughed as she did, while he sat on the corner of the desk, looking down at the hacker he brought home.

“I think she likes you,” he said. “I know I certainly enjoy your company.”

“That so, Cowboy,” she asked, her cool blue eyes looking up to him, before she stood up. “That’s too bad…because I’m here to get my tech back, and then I am out of here. I have people to prove wrong, and I intend on doing just that. You’re a means to an end, Cowboy. Nothing personal, like all things, it’s just business.”

He looked at her, before slipping on a pair of sunglasses. “Sometimes business can still be fun,” he said, his classic smirk returning. “Just consider your options, after we get your tech.” He slipped past her, and she just rolled her eyes, and followed.

“Your computers suck, by the way,” she called to him. “First chance I get, I’m swiping some Crey hardware.”

“Only fair, since they swiped yours” came his reply.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad afterall. Just need to survive stealing from a major corporation’s warehouse, along with rescuing a woman on the verge of brainwashing.

She stopped at the thought of this. She could be dancing right now. She could be studying. She could be doing anything, anywhere.

Why was this seeming like the most fun option?

#coh #City of Heroes #fanfic

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vishers · 4 years

Text

Effective Bash: I Know It Hurts but Put Your Pipes and Logical Operators at the End of the Line

TL;DR

Despite how nice it looks to have the pipes line up on the left or to see the logical operators at the beginning of what they protect, the backslashes at the end of line are extremely sensitive to what follows them so if you're working in any context other than a rich text editor that knows only to place a single newline after them you'll screw up your ability to copy and paste the text into a terminal safely. It doesn't take long to get used to writing this way and it also works very well interactively.

# Good git ls-files -z | xargs -0 cat | sha256sum # Bad git ls-files -z \ | xargs -0 cat \ | sha256sum # Bad git ls-files -z | xargs -0 cat | sha256sum # Good { cd dir && git sync } || exit # Bad { cd dir \ && git sync } || exit # Bad { cd dir && git sync } || exit

A really nice trick if you're using a sane OS is to construct your example commands interactively at the prompt and then lean on rectangular selection to extract it for your text.

$ { > echo foo > echo bar > echo bat > } | > sed 's|a|charnock|' foo bcharnockr bcharnockt

I write a lot of bash.

Say what you will about it. It's the shell of the world (unless you've gone mad). Being effective in it means that I can accomplish almost anything that's possible to accomplish via the CLI on any system I'm on without access to (many) external tools or languages. It was purpose built to shell out, consume STDIN, construct new commands out of disparate pieces, and continue on. It's a paragon of terseness if that's what you're trying to do. If you're trying to do pretty much anything else, look elsewhere.

I write nearly everything in a terminal emulator in GNU Emacs, from software to blog posts to journal entries. I prefer reading in Emacs as well if only because I have access to all my usual search tools and navigational keys. This means that I'm a bit obsessive about plain text formatting where others let their WYSIWYG editors line wrap for them. I'm especially sensitive to code blocks in documentation like README's and how they're formatted. Most people seem to just wrap their code in a code block and be done with it, trusting that eventually someone will view it in a browser which will take care of the formatting for them.

This is a terrible restriction on where you can view your documentation or your shell scripts and removes your ability to use standard *nix tooling to extract the scripts safely and apply them in a terminal.

Years ago when I was working at a large python startup I was complaining to the Chief Architect about how it was hard to keep my lines under the 120 character limit they imposed because python is whitespace sensitive and I prefer descriptive names for my functions and a function decomposition that follows the *nix/clean code philosophy.

def a_long_descriptive_name(a, b, c): pass def another_even_more_descriptive_name(d, e, f): pass def boy_howdy_can_you_tell_i_was_a_java_dev_and_still_pretty_much_am_QMARK(g, h, i): pass calling_my_functions_all_together(a_long_descriptive_name(1, 1434, 14), another_even_more_descriptive_name("blah", "boo", "foo"), boy_howdy_can_you_tell_i_was_a_java_dev_and_still_pretty_much_am_QMARK(True, False, True))

Madness.

He pointed out that python natively (like, at the parser), supports the idea of list continuation in it's syntax.

x = [1,2,3] y = [1, 2, 3,] x == y # => True

def a_long_descriptive_name(a, b, c): pass def another_even_more_descriptive_name(d, e, f): pass def boy_can_you_tell_i_was_a_java_dev_and_still_pretty_much_am_QMARK( g, h, i): pass calling_my_functions_all_together( a_long_descriptive_name(1, 1434, 14), another_even_more_descriptive_name("blah", "boo", "foo"), boy_can_you_tell_i_was_a_java_dev_and_still_pretty_much_am_QMARK( True, False, True))

is totally valid, not altogether unreadable, and requires no \ trickery.

It was recalling this that lead me to the realization that bash has similar parser level support for informing it that you're not quite done typing the command out: control operators. While the definition is useful you can seem them in action in the manual in the Lists of Commands entry.

Specifically, if your command as presented to bash does not end in a newline, &, or ; (and ;; sometimes), bash natively understands that you mean to keep telling it what to do and presents you with your $PS2. To see this in action:

$ { > echo foo > echo bar > echo bat > } | > sed 's|a|charnock|' foo bcharnockr bcharnockt

Other tools have similar behavior:

$ python3 Python 3.7.6 (default, Dec 30 2019, 19:38:28) [Clang 11.0.0 (clang-1100.0.33.16)] on darwin Type "help", "copyright", "credits" or "license" for more information. >>> x=[1,2,3] >>> y=[1, ... 2, ... 3, ... ] >>> x == y True >>> $ irb irb(main):001:0> x=[1,2,3] => [1, 2, 3] irb(main):002:0> y=[1, irb(main):003:1* 2, irb(main):004:1* 3,] => [1, 2, 3] irb(main):005:0> x == y => true irb(main):006:0> user=> (def x [1 2 3]) #'user/x user=> (def y [1 2 3]) #'user/y user=> (= x y) true user=>

As you can see this knowledge is generally useful in most dynamic contexts.

One thing that never occurred to me though is that with proper rectangle selection support (you're using a sane window manager right?) the marriage of this feature with that lets you construct an example at the CLI and then copy/paste it easily into your editor. Look at any of the examples above and you can easily see the rectangle you would extract.

This is yet another reason why why your PS1 should absolutely terminate in a single '^\$', whatever else precedes it. The fact that ruby and python both have their PS2's constructed to be identical in textual length to their PS1 I think is proof enough that I'm not the first person to realize this.

In case you're worried that this will make using your history search or completion facilities harder, don't be. In bash at least (I can't speak to the other interpreters just now), setting the cmdhist shopt tells bash to attempt save the multiline command you entered as a single history entry for later search and execution.

Go forth and script.

#bash #python #ruby #dynamic languages #shell scripting #effective bash

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abbythoughts · 4 years

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I’m tired of being your daughter.

I’m tired of living under your control. Home? It’s never been a home. More like a house where people come and go but haven’t you realised how nobody is happy under this roof?

I feel mentally drained and there are a lot of things in my life that have developed because of who you are as a person, and how that has affected my growth as an adult. I’ve sought professional help but do not have the financial resources to continue seeking therapy.

When Luke mentioned that he had anxiety issues and you shrug it off? The truth of the matter is I too have anxiety issues and really, it’s no surprise there considering someone at home has it and is refuse to treat it thus implicating it onto others in the environment. I have a legit personality disorder because of my environment and it really is not healthy to continue living in this environment. Here are some issues that I’ve faced that has greatly affected me and my living in this place.

1. You don’t respect me: My Career It’s really not funny, nor is it a joke when I say that business is not good this season. And you just comment, “Ya that’s why I tell you go get a REAL job“ or like when I don’t eat dinner because I work “YA LA if you get a REAL job I won’t have all these problems”

A REAL JOB. You don’t respect my career choice. Respecting doesn’t mean you have to accept it, but respecting it means you DO NOT MAKE such comments, neither do you need to constantly give advice on what I should and should not do. I REALLY DO NOT NEED IT. You are unable to show empathy and you wonder why I don’t empathise with you.

Just because I’m not the ideal daughter that get good grades, got a good job after uni blah blah blah. I know you talk shit about me to others, and I really don’t need that kind of toxicity in my life

2. You don’t respect me: My life choices & boundaries

By not respecting my life choices, what I choose to do in life, what I want to do in my life, my space and my choices including my religion and relationship choices - you are not allowing me to be who I want to be.

It is extremely distressing, once again same thing. Respecting doesn’t mean you have to accept it, but respecting means you do not make unnecessary comments, or your unnecessary behaviour and way you respond to how I spend my time or who I spend it with it’s really not need and it’s beyond rude. I’ve only gotten mean, and in your words “disrespectful” because I am only trying to protect myself and my mental state. I also believe that if I don’t feel respected, I shouldn’t give respect. It is so degrading to live in this environment and everyone around me e.g my friends can actually sense, see and have witnessed the change in my mental state ever since I’ve moved back home from Uni.

I think I’ll never forget the night where I was ironing my graduation gown and I burned myself and you scolded me, and said I cry until very poor thing but i brought it on to myself? Yes, so what? You didn’t have to point it out to me. Thanks to your scolding, that night I actually felt like COMMITTING SUICIDE. I actually felt like DYING BECAUSE my life is so shitty and I really don’t and didn’t need the negativity that you constantly perceive onto others.

3. You don’t respect me: My room but it’s YOUR HOUSE

You constantly barge in and honestly, I was very very very disturbed when you just open the room door when I’m changing thus I put the sign on the door. But yet, you did it again when you wanted to wake me up and ask me to join you for lunch.

I’m really not interested to join you guys for lunch when I’m asleep. There is a reason why I am still asleep and it is not for you to decide it by opening the door and waking me up just because you want to eat lunch with me. That’s not caring for me, that’s not “I wake you up cause tot u want to join us for lunch“. That’s what you think but that’s the truth of the matter. What you think is not the best but you always think that you are right, “I only concerned for you what”

That right there is a narcissistic thought. If you were really concerned about me, and you respected me, you would not have disturbed me while I’m sleeping, you would not have freely open the door as and when you like just because this is your house.

On top of that, you don’t wake luke up for lunch when he’s sleeping cause you’re afraid he will scold you. But how come you can do it to me? Then when I fight back or am unhappy, i get shouted at but NEVER have I ever seen you shouting at luke when you accidentally wake him or you wake him. You will rapidly apologise like mad. So why is there this difference in treatment here

4. You don’t respect me: I’m not your friend or your husband or a third parent, I’m your child

Don’t dump your emotional shit on me from your unstable relationship with dad. That is not my issue to solve and I hate how you make it mine by constantly telling it to me or in your words “ranting” to me.

In fact, this has been an issue ongoing for so long and you do not understand how much unnecessary stress you are putting on me. Yes you need someone to support you and stuff but that person is NOT ME. In fact, while I was still attending church, I had to do so much healing in this aspect because of you and daddy’s marriage. If you really wanted to, you would have gone to your pastor and solved it by attending marriage counselling or whatever. But because you refuse to, or have yet to or for whatever reasons, it really is putting unnecessary burden and stresses on me that really impact my mental health.

I’m not interested in listening to your stuff because once again, you don’t respect me, and you don’t listen to my stuff WITHOUT giving me unsolicited advice that I do not need.

5. Expectations: at home

You expect this that and this and that. What do I mean? Really simple put in some examples, Cleaning the house:

Even when we clean, you will reclean because it’s not good enough. Then you complain we don’t help you

Every time we attempt as something, it’s never “good enough“ by your standards, you think it’s not done properly and it’s honestly really freaking tiring. We try to help, but you just put it down. So why would anyone want to help if even if we help all we get is shit in return?

You always have something to say, and it’s nothing that it’s positive or appreciative. And then you say nobody appreciates you at home? Because in all of our attempts to try to help or be better, neither have you ever appreciated a single attempt of ours and that’s why.

6. Narcissistic Parenting: and it has affected my growth going into adulthood

Below are some excerpts from great articles I’ve read over the years:

“It’s clear that there are hundreds of thousands of people around the world who were raised by at least one narcissist, and it wreaked havoc on their self-esteem, their feelings of well-being and safety, and their confidence and courage. Being raised by a narcissist gives rise to a belief throughout our lives that we are just not “good enough” despite everything we try and bending over backwards to please others.

And it damages your boundaries, which are the invisible barriers between you and your outside systems that regulate the flow of information and input between you and these systems. These damaged boundaries thwart your ability to communicate authentically and powerfully, and taint your own self-concept, which in turn damages your relationships and your capability to thrive personally and professionally in the world. Most adult children of narcissists never get the help they need to recover and heal, because they have no idea that what they’ve experienced as children is unhealthy and destructive.”

https://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2016/07/09/how-being-raised-by-a-narcissist-damages-your-life-and-self-esteem/#754c9dd92c67

Engulfing Narcissists — these are parents who see their children as extensions of themselves. In other words, engulfing narcissistic parents become obsessively involved in your life to an extreme extent. They don’t respect your boundaries or acknowledge you as a separate person. (https://lonerwolf.com/narcissistic-mother-father/)

Manipulation:

Guilt trip: “I’ve done everything for you and you’re so ungrateful.”

Blaming: “It’s your fault that I’m not happy.”

Negative comparison: “Why can’t you be as good as your brother?”

Love is given as a conditional reward, rather than the natural expression of healthy parenting.

Dr. Christiane Northrup, the author of Dodging Energy Vampires, describes what can happen when you have a long-term relationship with a narcissist. Eventually, it emotionally drains you to the point that it can lead to other issues, even those affecting your health.

“The same is true for you. If you are in a relationship with an energy vampire, you may be able to withstand the energy drain for a while, but eventually the relationship takes its toll. And, I’m not just talking about feeling a little emotional or drained. There can be serious health consequences when you are in an unbalanced relationship with an energy vampire. In my decades on the front lines of women’s health, I’ve seen people suffering from adrenal fatigue, chronic Lyme disease, irritable bowel syndrome, thyroid disorders, an inability to lose weight, diabetes, breast cancer, autoimmune disorders and so-called mystery illnesses.”

In fact, I have read countless of such articles and sadly, I relate to them so much it’s unbelievable. I am always SO EMOTIONALLY DRAINED at home, even tho Home is supposed to be a comforting place.

I have low self-esteem, and even though I’ve had many success in my life, I never feel good enough. My friends always ask me why because they all think that really, i’m not doing terribly. I’m also deeply insecure, overly-sensitive and unable to make decisions - all symptoms of a child of a narcissistic.

True love:

Is loving someone without wanting something back. Wanting the best for the person yet being able to respect the person and their boundaries.

I felt like I was brought up to support you in your old age or to help you perceive an image of some sorts. And that’s fine but when it feels like that’s my only purpose in life, get a good job and money to give to them, it really feels depressing. Life itself feels depressing.

For me:

I am a separate being from you. You don’t get to have a say in how I live as an adult even as I slowly transit into adulthood. Your life is not my life, I am not responsible for your actions your thoughts and your decisions or the way you want to live your life. I am responsible for my own actions and decisions and way of life.

I cannot change you but I can focus on myself and focusing on myself also includes cutting toxicity out of my life which includes trying to block toxic people out of my life.

Moving out:

You think I want to move out just because it’s cool? No. It’s because going no contact and moving out is the only way I can recover. It’s the only way I can be me and who i really am without a negative impact in my life.

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yasminaszvoelkerqj73insuran-blog · 5 years

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named non-owner auto insurance quote in michigan

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :INSUREQUOTE.US

SOURCES:

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10 Best Salicylic Acid Products – 2018

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/getting-healthy/getting-healthy-women/10-best-salicylic-acid-products-2018/

10 Best Salicylic Acid Products – 2018

Pratima Ati September 6, 2018

“Salicylic acid products offer so many magical benefits…blah…blah…”

If you had said this to me a year ago, you would have lost me at salicylic acid. I’d have rolled my eyes and brushed it off as just another fancy K-beauty product the world was clinging on to. But now, my answer to salicylic acid is a resounding ‘yes.’ I totally vouch for it and am going to rant about the products I use and why you should use them too. Here’s a list of salicylic acid products that you can easily incorporate into your regular skin care regimen. Let’s take a look!

10 Best Salicylic Acid Products To Try Out In 2018

Vichy Normaderm Deep Cleansing Gel With Salicylic Acid

Paula’s Choice -Skin Perfecting 2% BHA Liquid Salicylic Acid Exfoliant

Mario Badescu Anti-Acne Serum

Tata Harper Clarifying Mask

Biore Blemish Fighting Cleanser

La Roche Posay Effaclar Medicated Gel Cleanser

Neutrogena Oil-Free Salicylic Acid Pink Grapefruit Acne Wash

Corsx AHA/BHA Treatment Toner

The Ordinary Salicylic Acid 2% Solution

Drunk Elephant T.L.C. Framboos Glycolic Night Serum

1. Vichy Normaderm Deep Cleansing Gel With Salicylic Acid Acne Treatment

Normaderm Gel Cleanser is a deep cleansing gel-based face wash that is meant for oily skin. It contains 15 highly potent ingredients with salicylic acid as the main ingredient. Salicylic acid purifies your skin, unclogs pores, and removes oil.

Pros

Dermatologist-tested

Paraben-free

Suitable for all skin types

Cons

Can dry out your skin a little

Rating

4.9

Buy it here!

2. Paula’s Choice Skin Perfect 2% BHA Liquid Exfoliant

Paula’s Choice Skin Perfecting BHA Liquid contains 2% BHA (beta hydroxy acid), better known as salicylic acid. This liquid exfoliant is meant to be used after cleansing and toning, so one bottle lasts for a long time. Soak up a little product on a cotton pad and apply it all over your face. Wait a few minutes before you follow up with sunscreen and the rest of your skin care routine. The BHA (beta hydroxy acid) gently exfoliates your skin and tones it evenly.

Pros

Lightweight

Gets absorbed quickly

Minimizes enlarged pores

Evenly tones your skin

Cons

None

Rating

4.9

Buy it here!

3. Mario Badescu Anti-Acne Serum

Mario Badescu Anti-Acne Serum helps hydrate and clear acne-prone skin. The gel gets absorbed into your skin, and its effects last a long time. It is a blend of salicylic acid and thyme extracts that exfoliate your skin to prevent breakouts.

Pros

Reduces acne

Prevents pores from getting clogged

Prevents breakouts

Cons

Expensive

Rating

4.9

Buy it here!

4. Tata Harper Clarifying Mask

Tata Harper Clarifying Mask is everything your skin needs to protect it from imperfections caused by stressors and free radicals. It evens out your complexion and has an enzymatic peel effect that helps reduce the appearance of breakouts, redness, and inflammation. It regulates sebum secretion without drying out or irritating your skin. It contains salicylic acid and other potent organic ingredients that soften, exfoliate, and nourish your skin.

Pros

Contains organic ingredients

Cleanses your skin

Does not dry out your skin

Cons

Overpowering smell

Expensive

Rating

4.8

Buy it here!

5. Biore Blemish Fighting Ice Cleanser

Biore Blemish Fighting Ice Cleanser is a unique formula that uses salicylic acid to control blemishes. This liquid cleanser is very refreshing and removes the dirt, oil, and dust that have built up on the surface of your skin.

Pros

Has a cooling effect

Dermatologist approved

Gentle on the skin

Cons

Not suitable for dry skin

Does not remove makeup effectively

Rating

4.8

Buy it here!

6. La Roche-Posay Effaclar Medicated Gel Cleanser

La Roche-Posay Effaclar Medicated Gel Cleanser is a foaming face wash for acne-prone skin. It removes excess oil and clears out clogged pores that cause acne. It is formulated with 2% salicylic acid and micro-exfoliating lipo-hydroxy acid. It is an oil-free gel that meticulously removes dust cell-by-cell.

Pros

Oil- and fragrance-free

Paraben-free

Tested for allergies

Improves skin texture

Cons

Can cause breakouts

Rating

4.8

Buy it here!

7. Neutrogena Pink Grapefruit Oil-Free Acne Wash

Neutrogena Oil-Free Acne Face Wash is formulated using natural pink grapefruit extract, which contains vitamin C. Combined with salicylic acid, it clears out acne pores and accumulated dust and also reduces the marks caused by acne.

Pros

Contains highly potent salicylic acid

Oil-free

Cons

Not suitable for all skin types

Rating

4.8

Buy it here!

8. Corsx AHA/BHA Clarifying Treatment Toner

Cosrx AHA/BHA Clarifying Treatment Toner contains both alpha hydroxy acid and beta hydroxy acid (salicylic acid) that remove whiteheads, blackheads, and dead cells from your skin. This toner exfoliates and brightens your skin instantly. It controls excess oil and sebum production and nourishes depleted skin with its vitamins while hydrating it thoroughly.

Pros

Works on both blackheads and whiteheads

Nourishes and hydrates your skin

Cons

Need to use it at least twice a day to see visible effects.

Rating

4.7

Buy it here!

9. The Ordinary Salicylic Acid 2% Solution

Salicylic acid is a beta hydroxy acid that is a natural exfoliator and the greatest weapon to combat acne. This solution helps exfoliate the outermost layer of your skin and the inside wall of clogged pores to reduce the appearance of blemishes and improve the clarity of your skin.

Pros

Promotes clear skin texture

Fights the appearance of blemishes

Cons

Not suitable for sensitive skin

Rating

4.7

Buy it here!

10. Drunk Elephant T.L.C. Framboos Glycolic Night Serum

If you are looking for a serum to add to your night-time skin routine, add this serum without thinking twice. It is a crowd-puller because it is light on your skin, gets absorbed quickly, and gives you brighter and clearer skin the next morning. It combats excess oil secretion, open pores, wrinkles, and fine lines.

Pros

Suits all skin types

Cons

None

Rating

4.7

Buy it here!

Now do you agree that it is super easy to incorporate salicylic acid into your skin care routine? Our products are full of chemicals that end up damaging our skin further instead of improving it. But salicylic acid is one ingredient that is highly beneficial for your skin. Have any questions? Let us know by dropping a message in the comments section below.

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