Family Friend Makes Insulting Assumption About Me
I’d post this to Reddit, but there’s a higher chance that she’d see it somehow and come across it.
So, basically, this family friend of mine has known me since I was really little. And when I was really little, I had sensitivity to sounds and didn’t really understand personal space because I had been born prematurely and lived the first four months of my life in the hospital. I had a lot of sensory issues and whatnot but as I grew up I grew out of them. I’ve always been a creative person and would have my nose in a book or notebook and would rather socialize.
So, this family friend has probably last seen me since I was maybe in seventh grade. It might’ve been fifth. And at the time I was twenty two, so it’s been well over a decade since I had seen her. She has a son a year older than me who’s been dating his high school sweetheart and has a baby of his own, while I’ve been single most of my life.
So I was twenty two, and in my senior year of college, and my mom goes to a party at the family friend’s house. When she returns she tells me that family friend works helping a guy a couple years younger than me who has autism, and he thinks I’m cute, because he saw my picture on her facebook feed. I am curious and she shows me a picture and I know immediately that he’s not my type, but hey, I can use some more friends. So I say yes and family friend gives him my instagram handle so he can message me.
So he messages me, and I try keep things casual even though he asks to date me right off the bat. I bring up some of the creative projects I’m working on and ask him about himself and all he says is “I respect that. Are you looking for a man?” I say no, that I don’t mind being friends, and he proceeds to ask me if I know any single women. I say no, and he doesn’t message me again except sporadically over the next few months to ask me out again. And not to mention he asks my friends and instagram followers out, asking them to date him without knowing anything about them. I feel like it’s my fault for agreeing to let him message me.
My mom says she’ll talk to the family friend about it, because I don’t feel comfortable bringing it up to her myself. My mom mentions how he keeps asking me out despite my rejections and instead of saying that she’ll let him know I’m not interested, she tries to convince my mom to set us up behind my back, to fake a coincidence meeting behind my back, and insists that he and I should try dating because “we have the same sense of humor” and other bullshit. My mom puts her foot down and says no. This infuriated me, because how could she think she can just ignore my wishes?
Later on, she comes over to my house for a party thing my mom has, and she reveals that one of this guy’s caretakers quit because he had gotten mad and was speeding with her in the car, because he’s not allowed to drive or be alone by himself, needing twenty four seven supervision. I can’t help but wonder why she thinks someone who has a hard time controlling his emotions like that is a good fit for me, or why she thinks I’d be a good match for someone who can’t even live on his own, and clearly has no desire to form an actual relationship if he’s asking girls out without knowing them.
Three years pass and on my twenty fifth birthday I receive a message and follow request from his new account. His new message says “hi! I’m good friends with (family friend’s name)”. I decide to ignore it. A week later, I’m getting ready for work in the morning, as a substitute teaching assistant, and my mom tells me she just got a text from the family friend saying “Hi, I hope everything is good with you. My buddy (guy’s name) has been asking about (my name). Is (my name) ready to date?” And my mom sighed and told me “I feel like she thinks you’re on the same level of functioning as he is, and I don’t know how to politely explain that you’re not. You work with kids like him in the schools….” My mom was stumped so I told her that I would would handle it because I wanted her to stop trying to set us up. I mean I had said no the first time, why would I say yes????
So I politely messaged her and said that he and I have too many differences in social lives, lifestyles, and interests, and I am not interested in him. To which she replied “thanks for letting me know. What do you know about him btw? He thinks you’re beautiful!😍 “ I just stared at the message thinking to myself “is she saying that just because he thinks I’m beautiful I should date him???” So i reiterate what I said before and replied “fair enough. Thanks!” And backed off. I was aggravated she hasn’t accepted my first “no”.
Also, I am in no way similar to him in terms of social and emotional functioning- I could live alone, but I don’t want to, I still need to get over my driving anxiety, which is more common than I thought as I’ve seen on TikTok from people my age, and if I’m going to get into a relationship, I’d rather be with someone who has a capacity for deep talks, emotional support, and empathy, which in my experience talking to this guy, he doesn’t have. In fact, it would feel extremely icky to date someone like him for the sole reason it would feel like the other person was being manipulative and could easily influence him to do something he shouldn’t. That’s what my biggest fear would be if I had a child like him. I have no ill will towards him, he’s the way he is and it’s fine, he’s just not the person for me. He should be with a girl at a similar level of functioning as he is.
If anything I’m extremely angry at my family friend for so wrongly trying to push me and him together. My mom had said she was afraid if she pointed out the differences between him and I, she would get defensive and say that this guy is right for me and stick with her viewpoint that he and I are compatible, even though she’s wrong. I was so mad at her, when she refused my first rejection I had an entire paragraph planned out to use where I would go into detail about our differences and how I was worried he could get himself in trouble if he wasn’t monitored on social media. I didn’t have to send the paragraph luckily but it still irks me that she has a view of me as being compatible with him- I almost feel like I have to prove myself to her, to prove that I’m not someone who needs to be taken care of, that I can be in an actual normal relationship. I’m working hard on my creative projects, one being a story I plan on self publishing and I have a finished first draft of. So yeah. That’s what happened
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okay but can we talk about the lich saying he lost all purpose in succeeding in his plans and simon going "you know, I understand that feeling-" before getting cut off bc??? simon's want to comfort people is so strong he was trying to reach out to the lich. without a second thought he tried to offer understanding and support to THE LICH because hey, I also haven't felt like I've had purpose in my life. you aren't alone in all of this. like. simon???? I get you also needed to have the whole "purpose" talk but my man he does not want or deserve your empathy
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