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sarcastic-soulmate · 2 years

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Until We Meet Again (AO3)

@thatnerdemryn @911reversebang

When Eddie meets Buck's sister, he doesn't know what he's expecting.

However, what he isn't expecting is for the woman to look so familiar, nor does he expect for her eyes to flare with recognition too. He isn't expecting to be transported to many years ago when his life was very different than it is today, when things were just plain bad and he didn't know what to do about it.

But that's what ends up happening because the universe can't help but throw strange things in his direction, good and bad.

***

Buck had mentioned earlier today his sister picking him up at the end of their shift. He told Eddie they were going to get takeout together and watch bad movies like they used to do when they were younger. He seemed really excited about it too, a look on his face similar to that of a golden retriever when it sees a tennis ball. He and Chimney had teased him about it for a while until the alarm rang with a kitchen fire and all was forgotten.

As of now, Eddie sips his water in the kitchen, waiting for the aforementioned shift to end in ten minutes and hoping to a God he isn't quite sure he believes in that they don't get sent on another call that has him working hours of overtime.

He looks up, and his eyes set into a squint to be able to see Buck standing just outside the station talking to a short woman with dark hair, her back facing Eddie so he can't make out her face. Buck looks happy.

And Buck had offhandedly mentioned that they hadn't had contact with each other for a while, not because they fought but because their schedules and different lives got in the way.

Well, he didn't say it in those exact words, but that was the gist. There seemed to be something he wasn't saying, a detail he was leaving out, and Eddie had been curious but didn't want to pry. He'd left him with a friendly clap on the shoulder, which Buck seemed to appreciate before they went their separate ways.

He stares at the plastic cap of the bottle next to him on the counter, eyes fixating on the stray drop of water that rests there. It's round and clear, but the cap makes it look a dark blue, and Eddie must have been staring at it for a while because all of a sudden Buck is standing before him, eyebrows raised and an amused grin playing on his lips.

"Is that bottle cap talking to you?" He asks, and Eddie rolls his eyes before picking up the cap and twisting it back on the bottle hastily.

"Shut up," he says, for lack of a better response on the tip of his tongue.

Buck chuckles and walks away, turning around and quirking a brow back up as a signal for Eddie to follow. He quietly does, and when Buck reaches his destination, he wraps his arm around the lady waiting there and grins, his white teeth almost blinding Eddie.

"Eddie, this is my sister, Maddie," Buck says proudly and Eddie is about to greet her when Maddie looks up at him and their eyes lock, hers widening when they meet with his.

"Eddie?" She tilts her head at him, a quizzical smile on her face.

"Maddie?"

***

War is hell. Everyone knows that. Eddie knew that before he even set foot here, but the moment that he did, that knowledge became so much more real and familiar and everything else that he hates. He doesn't know when the yelling started, just that it did and that bullets are sounding above him. And next to him. Everywhere, really. Eddie scans his surroundings, trying to figure out what to do. Usually, he's the kind of person who thinks on his feet, but for a split second, he freezes.

"Take cover!" Daniels screeches, her voice filled with fear and releasing a sickening echo that reminds him that this is not the time nor place to freeze. He begins to drop into a squat on the ground, but a stray bullet comes his way before he even gets a chance to and it pierces his shoulder, knocking the wind out of him and causing him to fall back, his temple scraping against a large boulder.

I'm definitely screwed, he thinks.

That's his first thought as he finds himself falling.

When he's finally on the ground, Eddie tries to stay awake, he really does, but all he can think about is how the pain would go away if he just closed his eyes and how he wishes the spots in his vision would grow bigger and consume it entirely. As much as he tries to fight it, eventually, they do, and his last thoughts are of his son's face and an I'm sorry, Shannon before the darkness takes over completely.

***

Maddie was really excited all day to be here. Since leaving Doug, she hasn't been able to talk to many people back home for the sake of her safety, but she didn't want to feel powerless, like she was too afraid to leave her new home, so when Buck asked her if she wanted to have a bad movie night, she enthusiastically agreed and offered to pick him up from work, shyly hinting at him introducing her to his coworkers.

He’d been talking about them for a while, how close they are, how much of a family they are despite not being related by blood, and to Maddie, they sounded like an absolute dream.

Which brought her to the station where she is now, right after Buck had been whispering to her about how he was going to go get Eddie and introduce him but Maddie didn't prepare for the way all her muscles locked the moment she laid eyes on him.

Right now, she's wonderstruck, his name falling from her lips like autumn leaves from a decaying tree as it prepares itself for winter. He seems to have the same reaction, and Maddie grins at him when she snaps out of her daze and they meet each other halfway, and she embraces him as if she's known him her whole life.

She can feel Buck's questioning eyes on her but she doesn't care, she's too happy to see Eddie. It should be weird because she's going through something awful right now, so she shouldn't feel happy, and they'd only really met once. It's not like they grew up together, but knowing him and talking to him all those years ago in the military left a mark on her that she was surprised about then, too.

It took her a while to realize what the feeling was.

Friendship. And that feeling rushes back to her like waves on the shore and it's amazing, and she, too, is transported to all those years ago.

***

Maddie sometimes thinks about the fact that she's in the middle of a war and there are times when she doesn't see as much bloodshed as she would have at home with her husband. It's a stupid thought, she tells herself, because it's so dramatic and insensitive and every negative trait she can project onto it, but there's a tiny, barely-there nugget of truth and reasoning behind it that makes her want to vomit.

Another contradiction, she thinks, her need to vomit at a simple thought when she sees many gruesome sights a day.

Maddie sighs. That's just how it is.

She loves her job, don't get her wrong. She gets to give people who are knocking on death's door a chance to recover when others may have already lost faith in that ever happening. And it works. Sometimes. A lot of the time. Not all the time.

But the military is not how people portray it on TV. It's not brave men in uniform being thanked by old ladies and young children in grocery stores. It's not as glamorous as people think it is.

In reality, veterans can be rude and brash and loud and arrogant. They can be jerks. They can be absolute assholes most of the time. But she digresses.

Maddie had just finished patching up someone's wound— a large piece of shrapnel making a long cut as it dragged down a soldier's arm and embedded itself in there. It was a nice change of pace; often the injuries are much more serious. But the woman was alert and talking about how much she couldn't wait to get home to her husband, and it warms Maddie's heart to hear that love hasn't erased itself from humanity entirely.

"I can't wait to see him," she had told Maddie.

"I'm sure he's missing you too," she'd responded as she began to carefully tie gauze around her upper arm.

"Is anyone waiting for you?" She had asked, and it took Maddie off guard.

"I have a little brother back home," she told her, and she could feel a smile on her face as she was saying it.

It's the truth. Her husband is probably waiting for her, but that's… complicated. Her parents? Definitely not. She wouldn't be surprised if they had little clue where she even is.

Maddie had bid the soldier adieu and then went to find somewhere else to take a moment and rest. It's been a long day, and it looks like it's finally going to calm down.

She finds herself in the supply room, sitting down on the cold dirt and tucking her legs up in front of her, hiding her face in them. She's not crying, she's just… taking a moment.

The moment is cut short when she hears a helicopter beginning to land and a lot of yelling, and Maddie runs out of the closet to go help the injured party. She and Jane help pull out the battered man, blood oozing out of his shoulder through the tourniquet and a gash on the side of his head.

This day is nowhere near calming down. At least, not yet, that is.

***

It really is a small world, Eddie thinks. Buck had been looking at Maddie with a question in his eyes that they were too caught up to answer, but the moment they separated, he decided to provide some clarification.

"We go way back," he says to Buck, wincing when it only makes his eyes widen more with curiosity. The same look he's seen before in Maddie just a moment ago, even though they don't look very much alike.

"Yeah?" He asks, and it's just one word, but it's packed with a dozen more questions.

"We met in the army. He was a patient of mine and we became friends. Sort of," she ends with a head tilt and a shrug.

"Oh!" Buck says, a surprised but happy lilt in his voice.

"You saved my life," he tells her seriously, and she blushes while Buck smiles proudly in her direction.

"It wasn't only me," she tries to correct.

"Stop being so modest," Buck tells her, and Maddie playfully glares at him.

He's got a point, though.

***

Eddie is in and out of consciousness as he's taken into wherever he is now. He's too out of it to go to the effort of figuring out where. His shoulder hurts like a bitch but so far it looks like he isn't going to die from it, so there is that.

He opens his eyes again and catches the glimpse of a woman's face, big brown eyes looking over him with concern, before he's back in his slumber, if you can call it that.

There's yelling above him and he wants to open his mouth and scold them for interrupting his sleep, and it takes him way too long to figure out that that may be the entire point.

"Keep your eyes open," a soft voice tells him as her hands skate all over his shoulder through her gloves, and he wants to politely decline until he realizes it's not a request, so he keeps his eyelids half-lifted because that really is the best he can bring himself to do.

He must have been given pain medication at some point because the pain starts to lessen, even as the tourniquet he didn't realize was there is gently unwrapped by the medic, and his eyes begin to shut again.

"Awake," she says, her voice not as soft anymore so it's clearly a command, and he wants to thank her because she's saving his life but for some reason, he can't speak. It's as if his brain is too preoccupied and can't quite tell his mouth to open and speak actual words because it would be too painful.

Time passes in a strange blur where he's not sure if it's been seconds or hours, and the yelling feels like nothing more than a distant memory as his eyes begin to close again.

"He's crashing!" Is the last thing he hears before they shut completely.

***

Maddie isn't used to being praised. She does good work, but the jobs they do are pretty thankless, not to mention the man she escaped fairly recently tried to make her feel as small as an ant whenever he had the chance, so he didn't exactly shell out compliments as school kids do with sticks of gum.

But he offers her the credit a second time, and that time she accepts it because it seems like the glare Buck is sending her will burn hotter if she doesn't.

"I'm sure you and Buck have to go, but, uh, maybe we can talk later, if that's alright with you."

"Sounds perfect," Maddie says, and her eyes light up brighter when she realizes she means it.

***

Eddie wakes up again lying on a bed and he doesn't feel as woozy. The pain shoots up his shoulder, which makes him wonder if he's allowed to ask for more pain meds, but he still doesn't have the energy to open his mouth and ask.

He closes his eyes for a few more minutes, hoping just an extra hour's worth of rest is enough to make him feel better.

He doesn't get to test that theory, however, when a medic walks in, chocolate hair tied up in a ponytail, she looks familiar. Too familiar.

Vague flashes of brown eyes scanning over him flood back into his mind, and he tilts his head at her, offering what he hopes is a kind smile. He's too exhausted to tell.

"Hey, stranger," she says, her voice friendly. He relaxes a little bit. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit," he quips, and she chuckles. "And call me Eddie."

"Maddie."

"It's nice to meet you, Maddie."

Eddie feels weird as he says it because it sounds way too formal given their current situation, but it makes her smile and that's good because she looks like she needs it.

There's a sadness behind her eyes, one he recognizes because it's the same one he sees when he looks in the mirror.

"You too," she says softly. "It's not very busy right now, can I get you anything?"

"No," Eddie tells her, then pauses. "But you can stay if you want. I don't think I've had an adult conversation in weeks."

"Thank you." Maddie disappears for a moment, bringing back a folding chair and setting it beside the bed, sitting on it and leaning forward, clasped hands holding up her chin.

"What do you wanna talk about?" She asks.

"Anything?"

"Alright. Hmm." She taps her chin in thought. "What's your favorite ice cream flavor?"

"Vanilla?" He replies, his tone friendly but slightly questioning because he doesn't think he's ever thought about it much before.

"Really?" She frowns, nose scrunching up at his choice.

"What's wrong with vanilla?"

"It's just… boring. Of all the flavors to choose, you pick vanilla." She pretends to shudder.

"It's a classic!"

She rolls her eyes.

"Okay, what's your favorite?"

"Strawberry. Or rocky road. Depends on what I'm in the mood for."

"Rocky road is good," he agrees. "I don't know about strawberry though. That's kind of weird."

"Says the guy who likes vanilla."

"It's a classic!" He repeats, and she shakes her head.

"Just keep telling yourself that, buddy."

He's about to respond, but then a sharp voice cuts through the bubble of peace they created in this room.

"Buckley! More wounded!"

Maddie stands up quickly. "Sorry, that's me. We'll talk later?"

He nods instead of verbally responding and in a blur, she's running out of the room, the silver chain around her neck bouncing against her uniform as she leaves.

Eddie reaches for his own St. Christopher pendant with his good hand, running his thumb over the intricate bumps of the metal, his heart dropping, sinking deep into his stomach at the thought of what he left behind.

He closes his eyes as images of his family flood back into his mind. His shoulder aches, the echo of the pain it once was grounding him. Shannon has to have heard of his condition by now.

***

Maddie: Hey, this is Maddie, Buck's sister? Lol. I hope it's okay that he gave me your phone number.

Eddie: It is! Happy to hear from you.

Maddie: Thanks :)

Maddie: I thought we could arrange a time to meet in person?

Eddie: definitely

Eddie: how was movie night?

Maddie: it was great! we watched keeping up with the kardashians

Eddie: Haha. That's not a movie, last I checked.

Maddie: but it's bad, which in Buck's opinion meets the criteria.

Maddie: that show is nuts.

Eddie: I'm sure it is.

They end up talking for longer, and Eddie offers for them to meet at a coffee shop, but Maddie doesn't seem too keen on the idea. She doesn't seem to be a big fan of open spaces with lots of people she doesn't know. Eddie doesn't think anything of it; it's understandable, as she's just moved here and it's a big adjustment, so they agree to meet at the station again.

When they do meet each other a few days later, they agree to sit outside, Eddie walking out and seeing her sitting on the bench beside the doors, looking up at the fluffy white clouds.

"That cloud looks like a wolf," she says, and Eddie follows her gaze to see it and she's right. A wolf standing on its hind legs, its only inaccuracy being the tail behind him shaped into a swirl. Almost like a cinnamon roll.

"So…" They both say it at the same time after a long silence and then look at each other with a chuckle.

"How's your son?" Maddie asks quickly, the wind picking up slightly and making her push dark hair out of her face. The way she shifts makes her pendant catch the light of the sun, illuminating the big letter "B".

"He's good! Seven now, it's like the time just flew by."

"Yeah?"

"How's, uh, how's your husband?" He asks, and he regrets the question as soon as it flies out of his mouth because, from the small amount of information she provided the first time they had met, they didn't exactly have a storybook romance. None of that happily ever after. He also regrets it because of the way something in her eyes shifts as if she's in a daze.

"Maddie?"

***

Maddie unties her hair, letting it fall around her shoulders, a brief relief from the ponytail it was in. She closes her eyes, the darkness comforting her, and she tries not to think about how disturbing that thought is as she ties it back up into a loose bun, tight enough not to fall apart, but not so tight that it'll end up driving her crazy.

As if she isn't crazy enough.

Her conversation with her patient earlier was the least crazy she's felt all day.

That's bad, right? Yeah, probably.

She goes to the bunker, climbing to the top bed and pulling the blanket over her. It's entirely too rough, not at all reminiscent of her favorite blanket back home, the one she gave to Evan so he could hold onto it for her until she got back.

She imagines her current blanket having the softness the former one did, conjuring up its rainbow pattern so vividly that colors burst before her closed eyes, lighting up the darkness.

If she could get at least one hour of sleep tonight, that would be golden.

At some point, her body must give in to her need for slumber because the colors before her eyes shift into objects and people and things.

She's walking down a long sidewalk confidently. The sun is shining and people around her are bustling and grinning, having a good day.

She keeps walking, her steps slow because she isn't going anywhere, just walking because she can.

It's an amazing feeling, this sense of independence, like she's creating her own future.

Suddenly, the people are gone. Maddie frowns, looking up at the sky, and the vibrant blue along with the blinding sun is replaced with clouds of gray. Dark gray. She stops in her tracks, watching as thick drops release from them and coat her face and hair and clothes. Thunder sounds all around her, and Maddie twitches as a shiver runs up her spine.

She turns around and there's a figure. One with a black hood coming toward her and she begins to move again, her steps fast and strategic, the strategy being that she needs to get the hell out of here. She bites the bullet and turns around as her speed quickens to a sprint, and the person's hood is down and she's staring at the face of someone all too familiar. She looks back down for a glance and notices that she isn't moving. Her feet are moving but the sidewalk isn't, like she's jogging in place. Like she's trapped.

She's trapped and her horrid husband is after her and she has nowhere else to go and he's grabbed her arm and there's a snarl on his face and—

Maddie wakes up in a cold sweat, her body in a seated position on the bed.

Even thousands of miles away, he's still got a hold of her.

***

"Maddie!" Maddie blinks, looking up at Eddie, confusion crossing her features as if the world had just flipped upside-down.

Maybe just her world, it seems.

"I'm sorry," she says, nervously giggling. "That just caught me off guard."

"I shouldn't have asked," Eddie says, and her heart twists at the hint of guilt in his voice and she reaches out, quick to reassure him.

"No! It's okay," she says, her hand landing on his own comfortingly, almost like the way it had back in the military six years ago.

He doesn't respond, and it takes her a minute to figure out that he's waiting for her to continue.

"I left." She pauses, both because she's not sure how much she wants to say and because she's gauging his reaction. It's just two words but it says a lot.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She shakes her head, breaking eye contact with him because it's too much. The sun is bright and it makes her eyes dry, and she blinks, hoping that he doesn't think her watery gaze is the result of tears. As embarrassing as it is when people see you cry, it's more embarrassing when you're actually not and people don't believe you.

"He got… worse. Things I thought weren't deal-breakers became deal-breakers, I guess. So I left him."

"Is he looking for you?" He asks, scanning their surroundings suspiciously, and she appreciates the protection, but she had done the same thing twenty times before he showed up, so she's 75% certain he isn't there.

But thinking about it too hard makes that percentage lower, which isn't good for her emotional stability, so she's trying not to think about it.

"Most definitely," she tells him. "So I'm… laying low." She prefers that term to hiding out, even if that one is more accurate.

He seems to soften anyway as if he knows what that means, and she looks at him fondly as well, and all of a sudden, he looks like he's a million miles away.

***

Eddie wakes up hours later to the same medic at his side. "Maddie?" He squints at her through his sleep-blurred vision, blinking rapidly to make his surroundings clear.

"Hey, sleepyhead. How are we feeling today?"

"Better. You?"

Her eyes widen for a split second before returning to their previous position as if she caught herself and tried to correct her. Eddie half-worries that he's said something wrong to her, but he thinks that it's pretty hard to get offended by just two words.

"Good," she says after a long pause. "Sorry, people don't usually ask me that."

"Really?"

She doesn't answer the question, as she begins to fiddle with the IV bag that's attached to him, pushing it farther back, and he wonders if it's for lack of something better to do.

The chain around her neck bounces again with the quickness of her movement, and his eyes catch the engraved letter "B" on the silver pendant.

Buckley, he remembers.

"You okay?" She asks him, eyebrows slightly furrowed in concern.

He nods. "Great, just got distracted."

"Anything you want to talk about?" And she seems so genuine that he can't help but offer her just a little bit in return.

"I miss my son," he says after several beats of silence.

"Oh. Did something happen to him or…" she trails off.

"No, no. He's back home with my wife." His eyes light up at the image of Shannon that enters his mind, and his hand fiddles with the medallion around his neck. Maddie's eyes seem to track the movement, and something about her gaze is so comforting that he feels compelled to offer further explanation.

"His name is Christopher. Hence the medal," he finds himself saying.

She tilts her head a little and squints at the charm, offering him a smile. "Oh, that's symbolic."

"I agree."

Silence falls over the two of them once again. Not necessarily an awkward one, more like one where it seems they both have so many things to say, so many thoughts running around in their heads that it's better to stay silent than to make a fruitless attempt to face them.

Eddie internally facepalms when the realization that he's projecting his own crisis onto a woman who's still virtually a stranger comes crashing down on him.

He's never heard silence quite this loud.

"Do you have kids?" He blurts out, and he considers it a win when her face doesn't express any surprise by the question.

"No, not yet," Maddie replies. "I have a little brother back home, he just turned 20 and he won't shut up about how he's no longer a teenager." She chuckles before she continues. "I'm eight years older, but he's been taller than me for years and he loves to bring it up whenever he gets the chance."

"I did that to my sister," he recalls. She shoots him a dirty look that isn't quite convincing due to the smile she's trying to avoid from appearing on her lips.

"On behalf of all big sisters, how dare you?"

He rolls his eyes, shifting slightly in his bed and squeezing his eyes shut when a sharp sting runs up his shoulder. He should be going on leave soon due to his injury, he remembers. Back home where he can do proper PT.

A harsh draft enters the room and makes goosebumps appear on his bare skin. He opens his eyes again when he remembers Maddie had asked him a question, albeit a sarcastic one.

She's looking at him with those same big eyes that make him want to tell her all his secrets.

"She survived," he says after the long wait, the ghost of a smile on his face.

In the effort to avoid spilling every one of his secrets, he decides to fill the silence by asking her about herself. He figures that if he does end up saying too much, it'll be slightly more equal if she shares something too.

"What about you?" He asks, tone light and friendly to not scare her off. "Anyone else waiting for you back home?"

An inexplicable look crosses Maddie's eyes and Eddie's face drops. "I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that."

Maddie shakes her head quickly. "No! It's not you, it's just— I'm not sure?" She scratches her head and her mouth opens confusedly.

"You're not sure?"

She laughs nervously. "My parents are, I guess. Not really. They have issues," she tries to joke, and the look on her face is so familiar. It's the exact one he makes at the thought of his own family.

Just his father, he corrects in his head. The rest of his family is alright. Sort of. Kinda. Maybe. It's complicated.

"And there's—" Her mouth shuts all of a sudden, a sad look crossing her face, and Eddie opens his mouth, closing it again because he can't find anything to say that'll make it better. If he did, he would've used it for himself a long time ago.

"No one really," she says, voice clipped. Her arms are crossed and she looks tense, like something changed in the last few seconds. Like her walls were slowly coming down and something forced them to rise back up higher than before.

"Are you sure?" Eddie asks, and really, he doesn't know what he's doing, the only thought being that this woman's presence is comforting and that he doesn't want her to leave.

"You don't wanna hear about this," she says, waving her hand dismissively. Her eyes flick back up to the IV, almost as if she's willing it to move so she can adjust it, just to have something to do.

He tilts his head a little too far and a stabbing pain erupts at the base of his neck, right above his collar bone. Maddie's eyes switch back to him in an instant when he hisses, scanning him for injuries as she stands.

"It's fine," he tells her. "Just my neck." He moves again and the pain is gone, and he looks at her seriously. "But I do want to hear about it. If you feel like sharing, of course."

A hesitant look crosses her face, but she sits back down, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. "Okay," she says shakily. "There's my husband," her voice catches on the word, so in any other context he would have been happily curious, but the way her arms are crossed and her eyes look like she's considering bolting out of the room lets him know the situation isn't good.

"Hmm?" He's trying to encourage her to continue through his body language.

"He's very controlling," she says, and her words sound so painfully carefully chosen. "Let's just say he wasn't very happy when I enlisted."

"But you had to get out of there?" He finishes for her, and she lets her arms go, looking slightly more relaxed.

"Yeah," she breathes, "Exactly that." She laughs.

Eddie frowns. "What?"

She shakes her head. "I was just thinking. Coming here of all places to get away from home. That must mean it's really bad. It's not funny, but it also is."

"Yeah, it is," he agrees.

***

He snaps out of it not long after it starts, and Eddie is met with the same concerned gaze from Maddie he's sure he was giving her just a few minutes before.

"You good?" She asks, scanning his face and he breathes out a laugh.

"Yeah, I am."

"Me too." She grins.

***

Not long later, Maddie returns to Eddie's bed to find him asleep. She smiles wistfully, knowing he'll be going home soon. She sits down in the chair that's still positioned next to him, and now she doesn't know what to do.

Just sitting here and staring at him feels creepy, and leaving without him knowing she was here in the first place feels stalkerish.

Descending into her thoughts has Maddie's fingers curling tightly into the sheet on the edge of the bed, knuckles turning white at how tensely her hand is positioned.

"Hey," Eddie says, his eyes still closed. Maddie's own eyes widen, and she freezes, wondering if she should bolt.

"H—hey," she replies, trying to sound casual and internally cursing herself for the stammer that escapes from within her at the mere attempt.

He opens one eye, shifting on the bed so his good hand touches her own, the red scrapes on his temple and neck catching the light, and she takes the hint, grasping it tightly and lifting it between them as he closes his eye again.

"Are you excited to go home?" Maddie looks down at their joined hands and tries to ignore the buzz of having one friend around here and the drop in her stomach at the fact he won't be here forever.

"A little," he smiles, and they both know it's a lot more than a little.

"It won't be the same without you here, defending your ice cream choices."

Eddie opens his eyes again just to roll them at her. "Again, vanilla—"

"—is a classic," she finishes for him. "We get it."

"Good." He closes his eyes again, gripping her hand tighter.

"Maybe we'll meet again someday?" She says hopefully.

"Maybe."

"I'm looking forward to it."

He opens his eyes and looks imploringly at her. "Me too."

#maddie buckley #eddie diaz #911onfox #911 maddie #911 fic

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wield-the-mighty-pen · 3 years

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Analyzing Marinette’s hairstyles

So, I’ve actually seen a bunch of different posts and takes of what Marinette’s hairstyles represent and symbolize especially in regard to the episode “Heart Hunter”, but I wanted to go through all the different styles of hair instead of solely focusing on the pigtails/hair down of that particular episode.

With that being said, in no particular order, here we go:

The Bun

This hairstyle is almost exclusively seen in the episode “Animaestro”. However if you’re paying close attention, you will see Marinette wearing this hairstyle, in the old class picture, featured in “Reflekta”. I find the fact that the show made this connection between these two (scenes? examples?) incredibly interesting and very telling. Putting the class picture aside for a moment, one must analyze Marinette’s behavior in the episode “Animaestro”. To be sure, it isn’t great. For the most part, Marinette acts foolishly and immaturely and her actions in this episode, indirectly lead to the akumatization. Marinette, in her jealous state, goes so far as to join up with Chloe (a person she despises), and attempt childish pranks on Kagami. In short, I think that the bun hairstyle symbolizes a sort of immaturity for Marinette. The fact that she wore this hairstyle when she was younger only goes to prove my point. Marinette is not a perfect character, but her actions in “Animaestro” are arguably some of her worst, and naturally when she has hit a low in her maturity level, she reverts back to a hairstyle of her youth.

The Braid

The braid can be easily shoved aside as not holding any symbolism, as just a way the design team chose to incorporate the tail in her costume. However, there were a number of ways the tail could have been incorporated into the Ladynoir costume, and as such the braid must be analyzed. Now, a braid can be considered an almost restricting thing, it carefully tucks back locks of hair and traps them better than an ordinary ponytail can. However, the Ladynoir braid almost has a ‘fun’ twist to it (pun not intended but appreciated). It is long (like really long), and we even see her flick it playfully over her shoulder. I think that the braid is supposed to represent that dualism between responsibility and fun that the job of superhero can have. I have heard a lot of people criticize “Reflekdoll” for its lack of parallels. In other words, Chat Noir learns something and better appreciates Ladybug, but the reverse isn’t true, and I would say that in many ways this is true, Ladybug is not privy to the lesson that Chat Noir is. However, I would argue that she did learn something. Ladybug learned that it’s okay for her to have fun and to joke around. Towards the beginning of the episode we see Ladybug chastising Chat Noir for his joking around, however by the end we see Ladybug embrace this approach and even make some jokes herself. The braid shows Marinette acceptance of balance, of the combination of enjoyment and responsibility within her life.

The Space Buns

This design as well can be attributed to the design team finding a way to show mouse ears, but I’m still going to try to analyze this. I have two different ways to possibly explain this hairstyle. The first being to draw parallels to the bun hairstyle as this is essentially the same thing but two instead of one. The correspondence between the two hairstyles could be seen through Marinette’s feigned naivety in front of Chat Noir. She “accidentally” reveals herself as Marinette and pretends to be less informed than she really is. The other way to translate this hairstyle is as a security blanket so to speak. I haven’t gotten into the metaphorical interpretation of Marinette’s pigtails yet, but I will briefly explain a part of it now (and go into depth a little later). The pigtails serve as a sense of security for Marinette, as a source of status quo. The space buns are that, but elevated. In the episode this hairstyle is featured, “Kwamibuster” (I don’t think I mentioned this before), Marinette is desperate to keep her identity a secret from Chat Noir and develops a convoluted plan (including Multi-mouse) to accomplish this. She wants the security of her identity and wants to use her comfort style at this moment. However, Marinette is trying to distance herself from Ladybug and as such she uses a slight variation of her pigtails in her alternate hero form.

The Ponytail

I’m gonna be honest and say that I can’t fully analyze this hairstyle as we have not yet seen the episode where this hairstyle makes its second appearance. So I’m just focusing here on the ponytail from “Optigami”. I might make another analysis on the ponytail after “Sentibubbler” comes out but it might make more sense to wait until after the whole season comes out, in case there are new examples of ponytails (or other hairstyles for that matter). I don’t want to say anything about Pegabug’s ponytail, because as I’m sure you know, Miraculous trailers can be very misleading. Anyways, after that ramble, I now focus on Ladybee’s ponytail. To be frank “Optigami” was a bit of a doozy. I watched that episode with a sense of dread that did not lighten by the end of the episode. This isn’t a bad thing, but it was intense for a typical episode of Miraculous, a show where my usual reaction is a mix of “oh this is cute” and cringe (to be fair I cringe easily). But what I like so much about season 4 is that we get more than that (I won’t go into this now because I’m straying from the topic too much). Ladybee comes at a time of great stress for Marinette, she gets stuck in an elevator with someone and is thus unable to transform (let alone the fact that that “someone” is Adrien), she is without the help of Chat Noir and most of the other heroes, and (unbeknownst to her for a majority of the episode) her friend has been replaced with a sentimonster. Yet, despite all of this, Marinette remains cool, calm, and collected. She, unlike Alya, does not fall apart and despair when Senti-Nino is revealed, she knows she has to get the job done. A ponytail gives an image of “getting the job done” of focus. Although the situation is dire and dangerous, Marinette displays her competence in crisis and the ponytail magnifies that trait. I have a feeling that the same will be true for Pegabug, but only time (and the episode coming out) will tell.

Hair Down

In the two episodes that we have seen Marinette wearing her hair down, they were both in connection with Adrien and her relationship with her. I want to separate the two examples because though they both wind up achieving similar goals in regard to their symbolism, they do it in different ways. Focusing first on “Chat Blanc” Marinette wears her hair down in part to distinguish to the audience the difference between the two timelines. Though the surface level explanation of her hair would be sufficient explanation, this choice of hairstyle also has a deeper interpretation. This being as a metaphor for Marinette’s vulnerability. She is allowing her feelings to be known to Adrien, she is allowing herself to be open and honest about her emotions and with that freedom she lets her hair free as well. It is also significant that she is free from her secret identity (albeit unknowingly) and as she allows Adrien to see the full spectrum of her personality, she frees her hair from its restraint. In “Heart Hunter” too, this hairstyle signifies vulnerability and freedom. In this episode we see Marinette having fun with Adrien and Kagami, without the worry of how she is being perceived by Adrien, without the stress about her feelings for him. It is of great significance that when she lets her guard down, when she “lets her hair down” (both literally and metaphorically), Adrien comments on her beauty. We already know, as viewers, that Adrien has fallen in love with Marinette’s personality as Ladybug. But as Marinette, Adrien has not been privy to her full personality. He has only been given glimpses, as in this episode, to the full extent of her persona. Marinette is seen later on in the episode to revert back to her old hairstyle once she is no longer comfortable, when she feels inadequate compared to Kagami. She puts back on her guise when she feels she needs the security. Which leads us to that source of security.

Pigtails

I feel a bit bad as I have simplified this hairstyle in earlier paragraphs to a symbol for security. While this definition is a correct one, this hairstyle has more than one explanation. As Marinette’s primary hairstyle, in both her every day and hero outfits, we see this hairstyle A LOT. Because of this, there is an array of interpretation as to what this hairstyle could mean. Starting with the aforementioned, this hairstyle works as a form of security for Marinette. The style required her to hold her hair back, to keep it in check, away from possible disasters and viewers (wind can tangle hair very easily). The pigtails are the antithesis of letting her hair down, a common symbol for freedom and relaxation. The pigtails therefore show that she is on her guard and is protecting herself. The pigtails also represent her quality of being a do-er. She likes to do things, she is an active person, she doesn’t stand aside or wait for things to happen, she works to make them happen. As a do-er she needs focus, she needs a restraint for her hair that could get in her line of sight, and the pigtails do that well. As Ladybug, the same is true. She is focused and determined to accomplish her goals, to succeed in her battles and she needs to tie her hair back to best accomplish this. There is importance in the fact that she chooses to focus herself with pigtails rather than the equally practical ponytail. This can be attributed to the child-like quality that pigtails have. Marinette, simply put, is still a child. Though as a whole she is particularly mature for her age, at times she can show a bit of immaturity. It is interesting to note that as the seasons progress, the more we see her with other hairstyles. As she matures she wears the pigtails less. The pigtails are also a girly hairstyle and show how Marinette is a girly-girl in a plain and easy way. Additionally, the pigtails give her the approachable, girl-next-door look. In simply looking at Marinette one gets the image of her sweetness and good nature. In visual media, it is important to make a connection between personality and visage. In cartoons especially, a character’s design should fit with how they interact with their world, and the pigtails are an immediate signifier as to Marinette’s character. This about sums up my analysis of her pigtails. I know that there are more ways to interpret them, and feel free to comment if you think of any other interpretations!

#mlb #mlb spoilers #spoilers #miraculous lb #miraculous ladybug #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir #marinette #marinette dupain cheng #ladynoir #multimouse #ladybee

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discotreque · 3 years

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LwD 2.05: An Embarrassment of Dooplers

So I was a little nervous about this one! I hadn’t heard any spoiler-spoilers, but screeners have been out for weeks now, and I’d heard a bunch of individual, vague, non-spoilery hints about (1) big character moments, on the scale of a mid-season finale even though the show’s not taking a mid-season break; and (2) an ending that would make me cry.

I guess I imagined something relatively serious and dramatic, like “No Small Parts”? This show makes me cackle with laughter and giggle with nerdy glee and “d’awww!” at heartwarming friendships every week, but it’s only ever made me cry once—and then I was impressed that they were going to get there from the wacky hijinks we saw in the brief teaser.

The lack of a cold open made me apprehensive too—in my experience, that’s typically a sign that there’s so much plot in the rest of the episode that they need that extra scene—but after ~21.5 minutes of aforementioned hijinks, I was having so much fun that I’d completely forgotten about the alleged tear-jerker at the end��

…and they were not the tears I was expecting.

I didn’t think I’d be smiling and crying!!!! That was wholesome as SHIT!!!!!

I almost can’t believe they earned that—but they totally did.

After a Mariner–Tendi episode and a Boimler–Rutherford episode, we’re back to the “usual” Season 1 pairings… except the relationships between these characters have changed since Season 1. Mariner still feels thwacked in the abandonment issues by Boimler bailing for the Titan, and Rutherford’s having a tiny little existential crisis about losing an entire year of his life.

Both of which are extremely understandable and very heavy situations—and both of those situations get resolved because everyone in them is vulnerable with each other and honest about their feelings—AND that honesty and vulnerability brings both pairs of friends closer together. Are you kidding me?? I would watch SEVENTY seasons of that shit. Put it in my veins.

Onto the notes:

So basically Dooplers are Tribbles, but for cringe comedy instead of slapstick? Ohhhhh boy.

Look at Ransom the diplomat, tossing his own fork on the floor! I like that he’s actually a pretty competent Starfleet officer, despite also being a completely ridiculous person.

Wait a second, is that—OH HOLY SHIT, THE DOOPLERS ARE VOICED BY RICHARD KIND.

It makes sense that B. Boimler would find William annoying—who likes seeing their own flaws reflected back at them? And who could be a better reflection of one’s flaws than one’s literal duplicate?—but most interesting to me is that it implies on some level, Bradward knows the stick up his butt is a flaw. (Does William?)

Why does the Cerritos model have working phasers?!?!

I’m loving hot pink as the currently en-vogue colour for “dangerous sci-fi energy” in animation (cf. almost every previous episode of this show; Into the Spider-Verse; other stuff I can’t remember right now). As a former child of the 80’s, I’m living for it… but as a former teenager of the 90’s, I can’t help but wonder if it’s going to age as poorly as the harsh neon green of The Matrix, every Borg appearance on Voyager, and like 80% of the websites I made in high school…

SKANTS! SKANTS! SKANTS!

That fake-out joke with the fly-by over the Cerritos model was in the season trailer weeks ago, and I was so enthralled by that handsome lady that the sticker coming into frame still got me good 😂😂😂

BECKY Mariner????? omg yes

Some top-quality Boimler screams in this one. Poor Jack Quaid must drink gallons of throat-coat tea when he records.

One of the great things about Star Trek to me is that you never know what you’re going to get from any random episode. A murder mystery? A road trip? A spooky thriller? A cheesy romance? Broad comedy? Body horror? Didactic political screeds shrouded in tissue-thin science-fiction metaphors? Brain and brain, what is brain??? And after this many years of watching, you’d think I’d be hard to surprise. But if I ever told you I thought I’d see a Blues Brothers–style car chase through a frickin’ shopping mall on an episode of Star Trek, I would have been straight-up lying to you. I loved it, it worked for me, my jaw was on the floor and I was clapping with joy—but I’m definitely comfortable calling this one “unexpected.”

It’s CAPTAIN SHELBY!!! And an ancient babydyke crush rose from the depths of my childhood subconscious… (Also I think her Number One is based on the original makeup—eventually deemed too complicated—for Saru? Now that’s a deep cut.)

In 20th-century Trek, you almost never got to see what was going on inside a starship from the outside. Even after they switched from physical models (where it was next to impossible on a single episode’s budget) to CGI (which was still in its infancy, still not exactly cheap, and still broadcast in SD anyway), it was a rare thrill to see any meaningful interior details in an exterior shot. Disco’s modern VFX have given us some tasty, tasty treats in that department, but nothing quite as sublime as all the pink Doopler light glittering through the Cerritos’s windows.

Mariner says she’ll take her contact Malvus down with her, and threatens that they’ll end up “in the same cell.” Malvus is a Mizarian, a species introduced in TNG’s “Allegiance,” in which Captain Picard is held in a mysterious prison with one. I think I see what you did there, McMahan?

Bartender… so hot… lesbian circuits… overloading…

The Tendi and Rutherford C-story was, well, a C-story within a 22-minute episode, so there wasn’t much to it, but the one scene that mattered actually mattered a lot. I’m ambivalent on whether they should end up romantically involved—I’d prefer they don’t, but they’ll be one of the cutest couples in Trek history if they do—and as long as they keep that pure, sweet friendship between them at the heart of whatever else happens, I’m on board.

Carol Freeman was already one of my favourite captains before this season, and she’s been steadily moving up the list. The quiet throughline about her ambition to be on a better ship has been fascinating so far, and it’s starting to actually make me feel a little conflicted: I’m of course rooting for Captain Freeman to recognize her worth, make Starfleet recognize her worth, and become the ass-kicking captain of a hero ship that she’s clearly ready to be—but that almost surely means she’d be kicking ass off-screen, because LwD isn’t about those kind of adventures, and I’d be devastated not to have Dawnn Lewis on the show every week. So I’m kind of on the edge of my seat about this one!

I had so many favourite jokes this week I put them in a separate list:

“Even the replicated water on the Titan tasted better” is a low-key brilliant dunk on people who can’t shut the fuck up about the cooler places they used to live.

“Ooooh, they have a Quark’s now! That used to just be an empty lot where teens would make mistakes!” ← That’s literally me every time I go back to where I grew up. I felt so Seen™ I almost hid under a blanket.

“I would never go down the stairs!” (evil grin) (goes up the stairs)

The “well, shit” expressions from Mariner and Boimler as their crashed car sank right into the water… which started to bubble innocuously… and then the bottles of Data bubble-bath popped up, paying off a joke I thought had already been paid off—that was the one that woke up my poor cat this week. Just exquisite timing.

“YOUR PAGH IS WEAK, AND IT DISGUSTS ME!” “I don’t even know what that is, but I don’t like your tone!”

“Okona’s in there? He’s not even Starfleet! This is outrageous!” made me shout “NO!” at the screen like I was scolding my cat for scratching furniture. (She did not wake up that time.)

Best background joke: the neon sign at the dive bar advertising FREE SHOTS & BEERS. (Get it? Because they’re on a Federation starbase? Where nobody uses money?)

And of course Quark merchandised DS9.

This wasn’t just a standout episode of Lower Decks, this was a brilliant episode of Star Trek, period. The Dooplers, though extremely silly, are nevertheless also a clever sci-fi metaphor for real and relatable personal/interpersonal issues, and an effective plot catalyst for meaningful character growth from all four of our ensigns and the captain.

The jokes were hilarious, the action was kinetic, the A-, B-, and C-plots linked up thematically, the visuals were consistently and thoroughly gorgeous, the character beats—between Mariner and Boimler, Tendi and Rutherford, Mariner and Capt. Freeman—were all genuine, heartfelt and wholesome, and the references to other Trek canon were both deep and deeply affectionate.

Only 15 episodes in, and this series knows exactly what it is, exactly what it wants to do, and knows that it can knock our socks off doing it. Mike McMahan has said in recent interviews that the back half of S2 (and the apparently almost-fully-written S3) is a straight line uphill in quality from here—which surprised me at first, because McMahan seems like a pretty chill dude who doesn’t normally brag about his own work like that.

But then the Prophets sent me a vision of my space dad Ben Sisko, who reminded me of the words of 1930’s baseball player Dizzy Dean:

“If you can do it, it ain’t bragging.”

[Thanks to cygnus-x1.net for the screenshots this week—I was too lazy to do my own.]

#star trek #star trek lower decks #lower decks #lower decks spoilers #lwd spoilers #amy's episode notes

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milfbenkenobi · 3 years

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Star Wars Fic Rec List Part 1

I’ve been looking for fic recs for Star Wars for so long, and I’ve finally folded and made my own!! All of these works will be complete, but I may rec a few that are part of an incomplete series.

Dust Ribbons by Deniigiq

First part of a 7 work complete series. Word count: 6876 Chapter count: 1

“So you’re not stealing my ship?” Mando said.

“What do I want with your ship?” Luke demanded.

“I don’t know. I don’t usually ask,” Mando said.

(Luke tries to help his student stay focused on his studies by helping his student's father. It's harder than it looks.)

Luke and Din get into Darksaber shenanigans post Mandolorian season 2. Both an amazing fic and series, and the author has a separate series based in the same universe for those like me who want even more.

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black runs the space between the stars by EssayOfThoughts

Word count: 1463 Chapter count: 1

It welcomes her when she twists her hand at her side as though to caress the great invisible shadow that follows her footsteps. She welcomes it as it nips at her ankles and guides her down this path and that until she finds new people to meet and new places to hide.

It sings in her head, too, strange songs no ear can hear, and the maids of the court think her strange as she tilts her head to follow the strange slow song that rings her round.

The Force is an eldrich power that sticks with Leia through her life.

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Second Hope by bornofstars

First work in a 2 work incomplete series Word count: 3812 Chapter count: 1

In his eagerness, the Padawan almost falls over himself, bursting into their chambers. Anakin and Obi-Wan share a look of confusion at the child’s sudden appearance.

“Apologies, Masters,” He says, panting for breath. “But I thought you should know - There’s a Sith in the Room of A Thousand Fountains.”

“I beg your pardon, Padawan?”

Sith Leia! Time travel! What more could you want?!!

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the dark of death, the light of life by EssayOfThoughts

Word count: 1679 Chapter count: 1

Padmé thinks she is not entirely Padmé any more. Her hands are light and shadow, her feet trail to nothingness. Her hair is long and dark as the stretch between stars, and is as speckled with them. When she swims by a sun, her hair fades off into wispy void, like wind or like ribbons of silk gone tattered at the ends.

She does not think she is a Force Ghost: the Force had never touched her in life, and she had felt it seep away from her with her life. Whatever she is now, recreated from the body left behind, the wound of her death, the purpose she had to save the Republic, to save her children, is something much else.

Padmé turns into a Force…. something and says hello to her children

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Soft Wars by Project0506

Series with 165 works, word count: 293338

This is a softer universe than the one you know.

In this space shall be gen, romance, hu

mor, family, all sorts of soft things. Mayhap in a time or two there will be a sprinkling of hurt or angst, but it shall only ever be a dusting to make the comfort all the sweeter.

You are safe here, my child, I swear it. No one wounds, no one dies.

Dear god. This series is so good. It’s the Clone Wars without any angst. There’s a happy ending and further. Don’t let the word count put you off, it’s all interconnected oneshots that can be read in any order. Super recommend for any clone wars fan

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Cold, Hard House of Gold by LovesFrogs

Word count: 9998 Chapter count: 3

Ahsoka didn't mean to activate her and Anakin's unfinished project early, but it just kind of happened. It shoots her off to... the Jedi Council? And is that Anakin sitting in one of those chairs?

Inspired by the aforementioned Soft Wars series. A dimension travel fic where Soft Wars Ashoka travels to the canon Clone Wars dimension, is horrified by how sad everyone is, fixes everything, and then goes home. Queen shit.

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Capacitance by Jessepinwheel

Word count: 8581 Chapter count: 1

"Oh, Cody," General Kenobi says softly, in a tone of voice that makes Cody cold with dread. "Since this war started, I have never not been in pain."

Or: The story where Obi-Wan takes on other people's pain because he's that kind of a person.

Exactly what it says in the summary

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How to Scrap Battledroids by meridianpony

Word count: 2758 Chapter count: 1

...basically Anakin and The Boys make a skillshare about how to scrap battledroids but about halfway through Tup makes a hair routine class, then other troopers post their hobbies and basically thats how they win the public over to support the clones.

Social media war as all the companies try to prove that their Jedi is the best Jedi ever while engaging in minor (ha) property damage

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Once I Called You Brother by redacted_thescribbler

Word count: 20060 Chapter count: 5/5

Rex can't leave his brothers alone to serve the Empire after Order 66, so he goes with them and pretends to be under the control of the chip so he can help them escape. Dealing with what's left of his brothers and his General turns out to be the hardest part.

Ooooooooh boy this one’s sad gang. Rex goes back and infiltrates the Empire to save as many clones as he can and may or may not bump into Darth Vader along the way

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These Things Happen by writehandman

Word count: 38369 Chapter count: 14

Obi-wan Kenobi keeps promoting Cody. The promotion gets out of hand, and suddenly the balance of the universe shifts into the palm of a very competent, caffeinated man.

Tfw you accidentally promote your bestie into a position higher than the High Chancellor and he accidentally ends the war.

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PART TWO

Please reblog if you liked any of the fics on the list!!

#Star Wars #Star Wars fic recs #Star Wars fic rec #fic rec #mads recs #mads posts #I am on a road trip to Florida and so far I’ve made one rec list #I’m about to start another #TWO collections with my favorite dc and Star Wars fics in them respectively #and read like. so much fanfic #I have a problem methinks #update on the fic recs #I’m working on part six #METHINKS I HAVE A PROBLEM #(im posting them weekly)

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vagrantblvrd · 3 years

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Obi-Wan raises Luke instead of Owen and Beru, please.

Oooh, nice.

Because I am That Person I want to do the Satine lives AU (I haven’t finished Clone Wars yet, but one of my friends has Strong Opinions about similar AUs).

Obi-Wan doesn’t leave the Jedi Order to be with her,because Duty, and all that with the war, but perhaps once the war is over he can?

But then Anakin falls to the Dark Side and it’s decided to separate the twins. Leia goes to Bail and Breha, and Obi-Wan is supposed to take Luke to Tatooine to be raised by his aunt and uncle, but.

Obi-Wan’s in his ship leaving Coruscant after losing Anakin the way he did and it isn’t a conscious decision really, that has him putting in the coordinates for Mandlore, doesn’t even register until his droid is like ??? and he sees what he’s done, and has this moment of oh, I didn’t mean to do that, did I?

He means to fix it, input the coordinates for Tatooine, a weavin winding path in case he’s followed, but stops to think about it.

It makes sense to take Luke there, no one would think to look for him, but the thought of leaving Luke, one of the last pieces of Anakin left to him to be raised by people who wouldn’t understand him leaves him with a bad taste in his mouth.

Regret, guilt, for failing Anakin so completely, and it’s like. Anakin has ties to Tatooine that someone smart enough might look into, might find Luke, but Mandalore? That complicated mess is all Obi-Wan’s now.

And it’s selfish, he’s being selfish, not wanting to give Luke up, thinks about the Order and attachments, but look where it got them in the end, you know? (His foundations have been rocked, shattered beneath his feet but if he thinks on it there were cracks, fault-lines long before that.)

So.

He calculates s winding, weaving course to Mandalore and goes to Satine where they raise Luke as their foundling, right?

They keep the whole...Jedi thing on the down-low, because ancient enemies but Obi-Wan and Satine’s inner circle know, because how couldn’t they?

Obi-Wan may go by a different name these days, but it’s close enough to his real name it wouldn’t take much thought to connect the two. Also, his face???

And Luke okay. Obi-Wan teaches him to control his Jedi abilities and such from an early age, but he couches it in games and play and all Mr. Miyagi with his wax on, wax off schtick kid of deal to keep Luke from accidentally giving away the fact he’s strong in the Force and so on.)

Meanwhile there’s an effort to dial back the animosity towards the Jedi, which meets with mixed results, because people. Also, also, over the years Obi-Wan encourages Satine to mend the rift between her followers and those exiled to Concordia.

Also, with mixed results, but with the Empire’s numbers growing it seems like a mistake to allow Mandalore to be divided.

They reach some kind of understanding, not entirely reconciled, but better than things were before.

In another meanwhile, Luke is being raised as a Mandalorian, and like Obi-Wan earns a set of armor.

But then!

The Purge happens, and in the chaos Luke is separated from Obi-Wan and Satine, the other Mandalorians.

He has his armor and a ship and the lightsaber that belonged to his father Obi-Wan shoved into his hands before they were separated.

Has to hide from the Empire because one thing Obi-Wan made sure he knew from a young age is that he couldn’t all ow himself to be captured by them, that they’d be looking for him.

(And on some lonely nights after the Purge when his nightmares seem more real than usual, some part of him wonders if the Purge happened because Mandalore refused to join with the Empire, or if someone found out about him?)

Anyway.

Mandalorians and the reputation for being fierce fighters and skilled bounty hunters and Luke is truly alone for the first time in his life. Little money to his name and his ship can only get so far before it runs out of fuel, and he needs ammunition and food to eat, and it’s just.

He finds work s a bounty hunter, and the first few bounties are part of a learning process. Thank goodness for his armor or he’d have been dead dozen times over the first month.

Still.

He’s been raised as a Mandalorian his whole life, maybe saw himself as an outsider because his Force abilities and the secrets Obi-Wan kept even from him, but he’s been training as a warrior his whole life.

(Pacifists, yes, but the galaxy is a dangerous place and perhaps more so for someone like Luke, so.)

Between the regular weapons and hand-to-hand and whatnot and Obi-Wan’s instruction with his Force abilities and his father’s lightsaber he’s quite the dangerous individual.

He keeps running into this Corellian smuggler and his Wookie co-pilot, and sometimes he turns a blind eye to their antics if he’s tracking someone else. (In return Han’s willing to let information slip to Luke, for the price of a drink or a meal, and of course he’d never say no to an outright gift of credits, so.)

There’s a miscommunication on a job, once. Luke after a bail jumper and this other Mandalorian with a silver helmet who wants the pilot Luke’s bounty hired.

There’s a bit of a fight, nothing serious before it occurs to Luke that the aforementioned pilot looked a little too panicky at the sight of the other Mandalorian to be fully innocent. (Also, it’s Mos Eisley. Innocent people are exceedingly rare here.)

It’s the first time Luke’s worked with another Mandalorian on a bounty, and it’s actually kind of nice. (Although he suspects the other Mandalorian may have ties to The Tribe, but it’s the least of his problems at the moment and the man makes for good company.)

Anyway, anyway, at some point Luke runs into Ahsoka - and he knows her. Obi-Wan and his secrets and she’s safe, she can help him.

At first she’s reluctant, because look what happened to Anakin, what if she’s resposnsible for the same happening to Luke? But he finds a way to convince her - stubborn like Anakin, if not worse - and she takes up his training where Obi-Wan left off.

She’ll lave from time to time because Rebellion shenaigans, and sometimes Luke goes along to help.

And then word through Luke or Ahsoka’s contacts about Leia being taken prisoner and important plans and they’re so far out they might not make it in time.

“I know someone who might help?” Luke offers, because he and Han are hardly friends (they kind of are though), and the Falcon is one of the fastest ships out there even if she doesn’t look like it.

So, side trip to Tatooine and Han is just “Oh, come on, you too? What is with today?” because Greedo and Luke being a bounty hunter and Ahsoka is super unimpressed.

Once Luke explains what he needs, Han is like “NO,” but Luke convinces him and Han reluctantly agrees (but then Jabba and that whole mess and it’s kind of a disaster getting off Tatooine but they make it so everything’s fine.

Before they leave though, there’s this weird hermit they run into and emotional reunions because Obi-Wan and he thought Luke was dead and what has he been doing? Also it’s very nice to see you again, Ahsoka, you look well.

Luke going up to the cockpit to give them privacy for their part of the reunion and sharing information and all that.

And then rescuing Leia and Luke in his beskar getting between Obi-Wan and Vader even though both Obi-Wan and Ahsoka are incredibly not happy about that, but some people there were just going to let the sith lord kill them, and Luke is just how about no???

(Satine would never forgive Obi-Wan something like that Luke’s sure, and according to Obi-Wan she’s back on Tatooine still, so.)

Leia gets rescued and the Rebellion’s down a few pilots and oh, hey, Luke’s kind of not bad at that whole deal?

Obi-Wan’s needed as a strategist - and honestly, no one wants him out of sight after the whole thing on the Death Star - and Ahsoka with her Rebellion Thing.

Han comes back to save Luke’s life and Luke destroys the Death Star and happy ending for now?

But Luke knows there’s something about Vader and Luke himself that has Obi-Wan and Ahsoka deeply worried. (When he thinks about it there are a few reasons why that might be, but he does his best not to dwell on it.)

Anyway.

The usual Star Wars shenanigans but with Mandalorian!Luke with his armor and whatnot.

Confrontations between Luke and Vader go a little differently because of Luke’s armor? But the hand thing still happens because parallels or some nonsense, idk.

(Anakin’s not the only one who has to remove their helmet on the second Death Star and so on.)

Leia has mixed feelings about the whole Boba Fett putting Han in carbonite because Luke’s used the same method on some of his bounties in the past. (The violent dangerous ones that posed a risk to him transporting them the guild, though, but it doesn’t matter to Leia at the time.)

After the destruction of the second Death Star there’s talk, idle, unsure about forming a school to teach the next generation of Jedi?

Because Force-sensitive kids and there must be a better way, a balance between the ole Jedi Order and a new one.

Until then, Luke is curious about the whole Jedi thing, goes looking for relics and whatnot. (Maybe does some bounty hunting every so often, because why not.)

Satine wants to go back to Mandalore, help her people if she can and Obi-Wan goes with her because not a lot of reason to stick around Tatooine otherwise.

And then!

This call for help through the Force and Luke following it to an Imperial light cruiser and Din being very, very confused at seeing a Mandalorian with a lightsaber?

Is it like Bo-Katan’s Darksaber? Will one of them have to change? So confused. (Also though, possible concussion from his fight with the Dark Trooper, but yes.)

“Are you a Jedi?” Din asks, feeling that it’s a valid question because Mandalorians and Jedis and ancient enemies????

And yet.

Luke is like, hey, it’s you! Because silver helmet and remember that time we got into a fight on Tatooine? But also, also, hello Aunt Bo-Katan and friends.

Mainly though, Grogu who is kind of losing his tiny little mind because Mandalorian? But also Jedi? But Mandalorian???

And then shenanigans in which Luke is like, huh, about the Darksaber and poor Din who wants nothing to do with it. His adopted mother who wants to help her people but afraid they won’t listen to her after what the Empire’s done them and is like.

Strangely convenient, but he’ll take it.

They stop by the closest New Republic planet or outpost to hand Gideon and whatever other Imperials are still on board over and then head to Mandalore.

Din is still so very confused, but it doesn’t seem like Luke plans to take Grogu away and he’ll take what he can get. (So sure Luke will take Grogu far away at some point, but tries not to think too hard about that.)

And then the whole working at calling Mandalorians home - Din is super unsure about being the new ruler of Mandalore, but once Bo-Katan and Satine have a chat about the fure of their world they’re like, “He’s perfect for the role.”

Just needs a little help, and with them and Obi-Wan and other trusted people to help him, something great could come of it.

Luke stays on Mandalore - his home more than anywhere else in the galaxy - and he and Obi-Wan train Grogu. Ahsoka too, when she visits.

Once Mandalore and its people are more settled there’s talk of joining the New Republic, right?

Leia as the New Republic’s representative, and Obi-Wan one of Din’s advisors, negotiators and it seems as though good things will happen there too.

But!

Also!

Luke who grew up on Mandalore helping introduce Din to it? Teach him about this world he’s never seen, but is important in its own way more than ever now.

And little Grogu and all that.

Keldabe kisses in a courtyard on a night when Luke’s meditating outside, Din restless after tucking Grogu in and happens across Luke.

Understands that Luke doesn’t follow the Creed the way Din does, but he was raised as a Mandalorian and Din’s seen him in his helmet more often than not and anyway.

Luke meditating in the moonlight and while Din was worried he might have interrupted, Luke opens his eyes and smiles, something about it drawing Din closer.

And it’s.

There’s been so much Pining, but this is Luke, and anyway, keldabe kisses, and Luke laughing at Din being so flustered by it, but Luke’s laughter is shaky, breathless and really, the man’s a hypocrite.

Still, the two of them stay like that for a little while longer.

#star wars nonsense #dinluke #anon #not!fic prompt #prompt fills #technically not a fic #vagrant fic #mandalorian!luke #but like with a ~twist #long post #Anonymous

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ask-asexual-crystal-gems · 3 years

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What's a common thread between ADHD and the asexuality spectrum? The answer might surprise you.

A while back, an ADHD user said in response to my question, “how did mindfulness exercises go?” a single word, “dissociation.”

It was only long after I had replied, that I had to remind myself that people think of dissociation as a scary thing.

I had to remind myself that a psychotherapist I once knew was pretty unorthodox, and gave me perspective on the matter that defused all the mysteriousness and internalized socialized discomfort surrounding it, which is ultimately rooted in both fear of the unknown or unfamiliar, and maybe a little bit of stigma, too.

Naturally, I do not talk about these sorts of things with general people IRL, so newly having a ‘conversation’ online about it did not jostle my awareness of others’ attitudes like it probably should have.

Things like anxiety and ADHD are, let’s say, more “ordinary” neurodivergences. (remember, the word applies to ALL mental illnesses, also, not just traits. Many don't consider most cases of ADHD an 'illness,' nor a lot of presentations of autism)

Those are more "ordinary." They don’t mash that “this is weird” button, so much as simply “this is very unpleasant.”

But dissociation can be the former, and not the latter.

Let me back up and explain that a bit.

People see dissociation as undesirable.

But why is it, you should ask.

Leave aside questions of physical safety. I’m just talking about sitting down somewhere, and there is no risk to you.

In the typical view, it’s not just another operation the brain can do, or an altered mind state, as we discussed it, rather, it is somehow considered a “bad” outcome.

When, ironically, for many forms of mind training, which we’ll put under the umbrella term “meditation” for simplicity’s sake, the end goal is a type of on-command dissociative state.

Whether you are internalizing your attention, externalizing your attention, or just trying to get that danged mind chatter to shut up for once and give you some peace, whichever way you are sliding along that scale, there is always the route open to you to pursue this ultimate peace.

So this person, who was trying out mindfulness?

Think, if you switched all the aircraft cockpit switches to check if everything was lighting up correctly. But instead of being an experienced pilot, you had no idea what would happen once you started testing everything out.

Accidentally withdrawing your physical senses, and seeming to distance your “self” from your body, which experienced practitioners do without batting an eye, (pun intended) would seem like a dysfunction rather than a built-in feature.

Quieting those areas of the brain dedicated to sense perception is quite a lovely experience, when you are educated on it, do it on purpose, and expect it.

Whereas anxiety is almost never a positive experience, unless it’s not really overwhelming or potent, and you’ve 'reframed' it such that it’s exciting, like any other adrenaline junkie bender.

The milder forms of dissociation, termed depersonalization or derealization, that seem to be quite common among asexual people, are also often considered as a negative thing, instead of just the current, value-neutral state of mind, which is trainable.

A much more common and even milder form happens when we sink into routine. Ever had a stretch of weeks on a job where you look back and you feel like you were sort of “automated”? Like you weren’t really present? You’re somehow a little surprised that that much time has passed?

That “time dilation,” accompanied also sometimes by a distorted sense of chronological sequence happens a lot with ADHD people, regardless of circumstances, but most everyone in the populace has experienced it at some point, barring perhaps the super privileged who have never been forced into a literally “mind numbing” job.

Maybe you’ve also experienced the sensation where you get into a car, perhaps when you’re on a familiar route you’ve driven a thousand times, or especially on long road trips, and you seem to zone out and lose time.

The brain is pretty good at conserving energy.

This is what she tells her patients, to calm their sympathetic nervous system. It circumvents that distress, that health-sapping stress response to this ultimately harmless “weird” experience, vastly improving their quality of life:

Dissociation is a continuum- many forms of it are common. Not some super strange thing corralled in a small corner of the sum total of human experience.

“Reframing” these things is essential to attaining incrementally improved mental health.

Clearing away all the internalized judgement, the feelings of wrongness, etc.

Just one more step out of the norm.

Just another neurodivergence.

It is conceptualized as unnerving when it happens suddenly and sharply, though, because it is so different from “ordinary” everyday experience.

The same way one person who hasn’t been around dogs much might react to a large dog barking with fear, and another person standing next to them having the exact same experience, trained and knowledgeable in recognizing true aggression versus excitement or mild warning, would not feel threatened.

Yes, having that particular toggle out of your grasp may be annoying and to those not given this perspective, frightening. (And if other personalities are involved, that gets much more complicated!!) But, consider. One of my mentors said calmly once, that she lost time for, say, 10 or 15 minutes while sitting down quite regularly, and felt very recharged and energized afterwards. It’s not exactly like sleep, because there’s not that head nodding and relaxation of muscles. Almost instantly gone, and instantly aware again, not that feathery transition as happens when drowsing or gradually falling asleep.

I hypothesize to her that this had probably started up because she’s involuntarily dropping into a deep delta or theta brainwave state for a bit, because that’s what she does in ‘brain entrainment’ recordings. (The frequencies are very good for relaxation when you're anxious and have a hard time unwinding yourself, others are good for focus during studying, and are therefore used by ADHD people) Unless she wants to pay some big lab to measure her neuron firing frequency though, there’s no way to tell for sure. The point is, that she directly benefits from this ‘taking a break’ from thinking. She is not bothered in the least by her mind occasionally saying, ‘you know what, I’m overwhelmed right now, gonna switch off for a bit.’ When someone gives their mind this permission to pause from its worries and senses, each the internal and external input, sometimes this is the outcome. It is not a problem to her whatsoever that this toggle occasionally moves of its own accord.

People are afraid of what they don’t understand.

But she understands it.

People are afraid of new experiences.

But to her, it’s old hat. On an MRI, each of the parts of the brain dedicated to the senses dim. Occipital lobe for sight, temporal lobe for hearing, etc.

If I were brushed up on the neuroanatomy of this process better, I could also name the parts dedicated to internal imput that would grow dimmer as she entered that state. Heck, they study this stuff so much, when interviewing meditation practitioners and testing for stuff like blood flow changes as their attention shifts, those images probably already exist.

Dissociation is not a mysterious thing.

It serves a purpose.

It’s your brain’s ‘energy saver’ mode.

Or in some cases, ‘recharge.’

So, to the person who argued that ADHD people should be cautious about using mindfulness? I must ask again, why?

Why would you forgo the benefits? Why would they tell others to do so??

Usually the main reasons dissociation causes problems, that aforementioned therapist says, is that people are overloaded to the point where it happens not when they’re relaxed, and can daydream or drift, but randomly when there’s too much pressure in their lives.

The fear response to it is just like any other overactive fear response or phobia- with time and therapeutic work, they are all resolvable.

/////////

#this post is NOT about dissociative identity disorder #only mentioned it in passing to separate it from the discussion

#adhd #asexual #generalized anxiety disorder #mental health stigma #mental health #therapy #neurodivergence #neurodiversity #depersonalization #derealization #mindfulness #anti capitalism #time dilation #brain entrainment #delta waves #theta waves

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kingandfireheart · 3 years

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Mating Bonds: a mostly neutral analysis of the bonds in ACOTAR universe

I know everyone is like SECRET AZRIEL MATING BOND, but isn’t the whole point of the mating bond in non-Maeve situations supposed to be that once it snaps, the instincts takeover and it’s hard to ignore, or miss? In doing this analysis, I noticed some trends with mating bond, but mostly realized that I have a lot more questions than answers when it comes to how these bonds actually work in practice. My musings are below:

[Since TOG is a different universe and Rowaelin's mating bond is complicated because of Maeve's foul play, the coexistent Carranam bond, and the blood oath, this analysis does not include any discussion of their bond, and is limited to the bonds discussed in ACOTAR. ]

How the bond choses a couple?

The concept of the bond is a bit nebulous. Rhys hypothesizes that the mating bond is the result of guesswork, possibly related to power, offspring, or a soul-bond, but we don't really know how accurate that is.

The power theory makes sense with the bonds we know exist, if the Cauldron is able to predict the power the Archeron sisters have after being Made. While we have evidence that Nesta and Feyre are mated to Cassian and Rhys prior to being Made, they don't gain that power until they are Made. All of the mated pairs we know are incredibly powerful (either high lords, a high lord's heir, and Cassian, and three Archeron sisters, Rhys and Tamlin's moms, and Vivianne).

The offspring theory, makes significantly less sense, unless we assume that the Cauldron/Mother/whoever decides these things is all-knowing. Clearly, Rhys's parent's mating resulted in the most powerful high lord. However, with same-sex mates, this theory immediately fails. Even if the offspring theory for some reason didn't apply to same-sex couple, or couples that were otherwise unable to procreate, it still doesn't work for the Illyrian Male + High Fae Female bonds, which would likely lead to death, unless the Cauldron was able to predict the changes Nesta makes to herself and Feyre. Any offspring of the Made Archeron sisters would be incredibly powerful, if they were able to survive childbirth.

The soul-bonded theory has failed with Rhys and Tamlin's parents, has succeeded with Feysand, Nessian, and Kallias x Vivianne, but the jury is still out on Elain and Lucien.

Even though the rationale of the bond isn't necessarily important (I firmly reject all of the "Azriel's mate must be able the have his kids" theories), how the bond works is also portrayed inconsistently.

How the bond works?

Feyre and Rhys's bond seems to play more into their daemati powers, and is easily masked by their bargain. We don't know if or how Vivianne and Kallias, and Cassian and Nesta can communicate through their bond, since there are such few scenes with them together (post-bond acceptance).

It's also unclear what "snapping" and "rejection" mean in the context of the bond.

Cassian and Rhys fear the bond being "rejected" after their bonds are "locked into place permanently" and "became unbreakable". Rhys seems to imply that "rejection" doesn't actually alter the bond, it stays in place as a tether, and the males often go insane from the rejection. This seems to to imply that "rejection" is more of a concept of practice, a "breaking up" of the couple, rather than a breaking of the mental and soul connection that the bond creates.

Prior to ACOSF, I believed the mutual acceptance of the bond was the "snapping," because in ACOWAR, Rhys says that it's hard to detect whether Nesta and Cassian are mates until after the bond "snaps," but it's clear from ACOSF, that Cassian was aware of the bond well before this moment. However, in ACOSF, we see that Elain and Lucien's bond is something that Azriel can detect, even though their bond hasn't been accepted.

I've separated bond-related evidence into The Male Realization, the Female Realization, and Bond Acceptance, because those are the scenes that are most recognizable. [All of this is based on the idea that the male has the earlier realization of the bond and the more powerful instincts, because we haven't seen the process of recognizing and accepting the bond for the same-sex couples in SJMs works (Emrys and Malakai in TOG and Thesan and his suspected Peregryn mate mentioned in ACOWAR). I'd assume for these couples, one person had the realization before the other, but the mating instincts are all the same, but again, SJM's work is inconsistent when it refers to the gendered nature of bonds.]

The Male Realization

We've never seen a male's perspective when they recognize the mating bond for what it is, but Feyre observes the realization for both Rhysand and Lucien.

Even though Rhys had long suspected the bond, going as far as trying to kill Amarantha because of it, he literally stumbles in shock when the bond snaps for him, and his first words to Mor upon returning to the townhouse are “she’s my mate.” Rhys clearly feels protective of Feyre since he first met her. He describes the moment of realization, saying "I think transforming you into Fae made the bond lock into place permanently. I’d known it existed, but it hit me then—hit me so strong that I panicked." This "locking into place" seems to be a reference to the bond not being as strong, or being tenuous when Feyre was human, and then the bond gaining strength when she became fae, since Rhys still fears Feyre rejecting the bond in ACOMAF.

We see Lucien whisper it at the worst possible time in Hybern, when Elain comes out of the Cauldron. He is able to break free of Hybern's holds and defend Elain throughout the Hybern scene. We also see him struggle to control his instincts when around Elain, which shows us his realization and manifestation of instincts.Lucien’s perspective also shows us that the bond literally speaks. "Touch her. Smell her. Taste her. The instincts were a running river -" "But even as shame washed through him, the words, the sense chanted, Mine. You are mine, and I am yours. Mate." (ACOWAR) There are also two references to him snarling at males in Elain's presence, which is the manifestation of the territorial/protective instinct.

Meanwhile, the other two accepted bonds involve males who ignored the bond, Kallias (to keep Vivianne safe when he was UTM) and Cassian (likely to have a fighting chance with Nesta). (It is also suspected that Thesan ignored the potential bond with his lover while he was UTM). We know basically nothing about Kallias and Thesan, but we are given some more information from Cassian's perspective.

We see Cassian's experience with the bond is different than Rhys and Lucien. He describes the bond as, "what [he] guessed from the moment [they] met, what [he] knew from the first time he kissed [Nesta], what became unbreakable between [them] on Solstice night." He, like Rhys, "guessed it well before the Cauldron had turned her." It's possible that the bond may have been less strong when she was human, and then gained strength and "locked into place permanently" when Nesta came out of the Cauldron, like it did with Rhys and Feyre (and ostensibly, Elain and Lucien), but there is no textual reference to that being the case.

What we know is that Cassian is both instinctively and consciously protective of Nesta from the moment she walks into the room in Hybern. The first time Cassian kisses Nesta is either when he visits her in Wings and Ember and he kisses her neck, or when he is about to die during the war, after he has literally laid down his life defending Nesta. But when this happens, we see no "shock" of realization, like we did with the other two pairings. We just know that Cassian has this realization, prior to ACOSF and ACOFAS, because Cassian's perspective shows him ignoring the bond, “Some small, quiet part of his brain whispered otherwise. He ignored it. Had ignored it for a long time now.” (ACOSF). Even after "what became unbreakable between [them] on Solstice night," Cassian says, "the only thing that frightened him was that she might reject it. Hate him for it. Chafe against it."

So I think it's possible that if Azriel does have a mating bond, he hasn't had the realization yet, but may have started to see the signs with either of his love interests. If he does have a bond, it seems that it would have "spoken" to him, making him realize it, unless there's some magical or psychological reason he misses it completely.

The Female Realization

In the ACOTAR universe, it seems that the female doesn't usually "realize" the bond is there on her own, or at least Vivianne, Nesta, Feyre, and Elain haven't. (Aelin did in TOG, but we are ignoring that here for aforementioned reasons).

Feyre has no clue about the bond until the Suriel tells her. That is not to say that Feyre doesn't feel a tug toward Rhys, she just doesn't recognize that tug as the mating bond, and she's surprised that she is an apparent equal to the most powerful high lord in history.

Nesta seems to have guessed the bond is there, but is repressing that, because she fears what it will mean for her and Cassian. "At [Cassian's] utter silence, she knew what he'd say. Halted again, bracing for it" and when Cassian finally says it, "She let the truth, voiced at last, wash over her." However, Nesta's delayed realization doesn't stop the "golden thread" moment from occurring, which I am interpreting as the acceptance of the bond.

We haven't seen Elain's perspective yet, but we do see that Elain knows Lucien is her mate, and she feels him "tug" on the bond during ACOWAR. Elain also steps toward Lucien when he leaves to find Vassa. We have no clue what any of this means, but we do know that Elain knows the bond is present with Lucien, and she hasn't reacted to him in any way because of it.

It may be possible the Gwyn or Elain are able to detect a bond with Azriel prior to him recognizing (like Aelin in TOG), if there is some foul play, or some other psychological reason for Azriel to have missed the recognition and manifestation of instincts. But more likely than not, if Azriel does have a bond, it hasn't manifested or "snapped" yet, or at least, we didn't see that manifestation in the bonus chapter.

The Bond Acceptance

We know the males feel the bond before the females do, but it seemed the "golden thread" moment we see with Feysand and Nessian is the bond being accepted.

The offering of food seems to be the official ritual for acceptance, rather than a requirement or a trigger, since Nesta doesn't offer Cassian food until after ACOSF. Rather, it seems the bond acceptance is triggered by sex and a recognition of feelings. For Feyre, and Vivianne, the bond snaps the first time they have sex with their mates, but after feelings are clearly established, and for Nesta it manifests after the both admit to having feelings for one another on Solstice night.

Feyre and Nesta say the , "You're mine. I'm yours," refrain in these moments, which makes me think this is the bond's instincts manifesting for the females (although we see both sisters be jealous/ protective when other females are around their mates prior to the bond acceptance). This acceptance seems to be what strengthens the territorial instincts (Rhysand fighting Cassian in tensing around Azriel in ACOMAF) and what initiates the frenzy, which Cassian describes as, "I woke up the next morning and all I wanted to do was fuck [Nesta] for the a week straight. And I knew what that meant, what had happened, even though [Nesta] didn't".

So what does it mean for the bond to "snap"?

That's still really unclear! If the bond snapping means detection, it would be helpful to know when others detected Feysand and Nessian's bonds. We never see that happen, Amren "sniffs" Feyre, but she knows about the Bond prior to that moment, because she is the one who advises Rhys on using the bond as a way to free Feyre from Tamlin. No one reveals to Feyre or Nesta that a mating bond exists, but it is also possible that Nesta's glamour on Solstice was meant to hide more than just Cassian's scent on Nesta, and that Feyre and Rhys's mixed scents when Rhys is shot in ACOMAF is a result of the mating bond, not just the fact that the couples were sexually intimate, and physically close enough for their scents to transfer.

Meanwhile, Feyre and Tamlin (and Thesan and his lover) have sex and admit to having feelings for eachother, but are described as "waiting for the bond to snap". This would imply that the bond often "snaps" later, for established couples. Similarly, when Rhys and Feyre are discussing Mor and Azriel, Feyre asks, “Wouldn’t the mating bond have snapped into place for them if it exists?” Rhys responds: "I think that is a question Azriel has been asking himself every day since he met Mor.” With Moriel, we have neither recognition of feelings or sex, but Rhysand and Feyre seem to think the bond would "snap" regardless of Azriel's lack of love confession, and their lack of physical relationship.

So all of this leaves us with even more questions than we started with!

When does a mating bond "snap" and is this a different moment form when the bond is "accepted" or "realized?"

Has Elain and Lucien's bond "snapped?" And if so, what triggers "snapping?"

If it hasn't snapped, why can Azriel smell their bond? And why weren't Nesta or Feyre able to smell their own unaccepted bonds before they realized what was happening?

If Azriel is Elain's true mate or is Gwyn's mate, why hasn't he realized it yet? Would he be able to miss the bond completely absent foul play?

Is physical proximity what triggers the scent? or mental connection? or something else entirely?

Anyway, SJM hasn't given us any meaningful answers on these concepts, but there do seem to be some trends. It's Sarah's world, we're just reading it, but I really hope she clears up these concepts when she writes her next set of mates.

#acotar series #mating bond #nessian #feysand #azriel #kp analysis #it's sarah's world we're just reading it

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queen-of-my-goofball-army · 3 years

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An Ode To Miyazaki:

Hi everyone! So for my final paper for film, we had to pick our own director of our choosing and talk about them extensively between the attributes that make them special. Our course focused on the narrative and technical styles of directors. For my final project, I have chosen my biggest hero in the world of animation and somebody that drastically changed my life as a young child, Hayao Miyazaki. Learning about him for this project gave me so much insight into not just his films but who he is as a person. I hope that my paper is as interesting for you to read as it was for me to do research for!

1. Hayao Miyazaki, often referred to as the Japanese Walt Disney is the front runner of his animation studio Studio Ghibli. I picked him because I already have sufficient knowledge and love of his films. One of the first memories that my parents love to remind me of is my first time watching Totoro and laughing at the introduction characters. Miyazaki himself stands out for a number of reasons. Over the years, Miyazaki has made a humongous name out of himself, one of his most famous movies Spirited Away became the most popular film to ever be released in Japan and also won the academy award for the best-animated film that year. His most “popular” films (I say popular in air quotes because it is nearly impossible for people to agree on a favorite) remain the aforementioned Spirited Away, My Neighbor Totoro, Howl’s Moving Castle, and Princess Mononoke. Beginning his career as a simple animator for Toei animation, he worked as an in-between artist. It was here that he met his future collaborator at Ghibli, Isao Takahata. His first big directorial debut in film before founding Ghibli was a team effort without Takahata was Lupin The Third, The Castle Of Cagliostro. His first successful movie was one that was based upon his own manga Nausicaa of the Valley Of The Wind. The first official Miyazaki movie that was made with Ghibli was one of my personal all-time favorites that had ever been created, Castle In The Sky. For many children, especially ones with parents who are lovers of a film like mine, Miyazaki was one of the first animators that I was introduced to. His films have become classics for every fan of animation, being referenced in culture, specifically back when Disney owned Studio in Toy Story 3, Bonnie has a Totoro.

2. So, this brings up the question, how does one recognize a film by Miyazaki? You can always expect for him to be critically acclaimed, for there to be some element of magic and whimsy in the way that he animates, for there to be something to do with flight (whether it be dealing with airplanes like in Porco Rosso, the idea of flight in Howl’s Moving Castle, or a floating castle up in the sky in Castle In The Sky.), his heroines are always strong-minded and live by their own rules never bowing down to anybody, his love stories are dynamic and fulfilled, a sweeping score by Joe Hizashi, and they have a meaning about nature somewhere, mostly about why it needs to be protected.

Let’s start by breaking him down narratively. The thing that is always in every Miyazaki film no matter which one you decide upon watching, is that his female characters are always strong-willed no matter what. In many ways, I think that he writes women better than Disney does. He has gone on record saying “Many of my movies have strong female leads—brave, self-sufficient girls that don't think twice about fighting for what they believe with all their heart. They'll need a friend, or a supporter, but never a savior. Any woman is just as capable of being a hero as any man.” Sometimes, this will cause them to come across as reckless, or stupid, but in my opinion, I have always looked up to his female characters and the way that they are portrayed. My personal favorite female character that he has ever brought to life through the screen is Sophie from Howl’s Moving Castle. She is strong-minded, not willing to put up with any of Howl’s dramatics, kind, an incredible adult figure for Markal, endlessly sympathetic to her friend’s plights (namely Howl and Calcifer), and somebody that I can always look up to. I spent most of my childhood looking up to characters like Kiki in Kiki’s Delivery Service, Chihiro in Spirited Away, or one of my personal favorite underrated girls, Fio in Porco Rosso. All of these female characters are independent and never let themselves be taken advantage of by anybody.

Another trait that can always be found narratively in his films is that Miyazaki is an airplane/ air travel fanatic. He absolutely loves airplanes, even to the point where his latest film, The Wind Rises was based upon the life of one of the first airplane manufacturers in WWII. Almost all of his films will involve something about flying in the air. Even with the ones that he didn’t direct and he just simply wrote. His obsession with flight is something that stemmed from his childhood and he never saw them as a thing to be used for war “airplanes are not tools for war. They are not for making money. Airplanes are beautiful dreams. Engineers turn dreams into reality.” My personal favorite of all of his flight animation is used in Howl’s Moving Castle when Howl and Sophie “fly” over the heads of all the people below them.

Narratively also one of the biggest things that set apart his films from any others is his focus on nature. The idea of protecting the beauty of nature is something that he has always stood by. A lot of the time, America tries to prove that it can make films about nature as well to usually varying results. I think that nobody can sell an environmental message quite like my biggest hero for Japanese animation. One of the main movies that focus on his will to protect nature above all else is Princess Mononoke. He always manages to animate nature in such a beautiful and majestic way no matter where the film is set.

I also think that a narrative trait of his that often gets overlooked is how beautiful the romance in his films can be. He never has a romance between two characters that feels stale or boring. I love the fact that you can pick any number of his films and the chance of there being a romance that you’ll get sucked into is a very large one. Everybody has their personal favorites, I love Howl and Sophie from Howl’s Moving Castle but my best friend loves Sousuke and Ponyo from Ponyo. He has on record saying that “I’ve become skeptical of the unwritten rule that just because a boy and girl appear in the same feature, a romance must ensue. Rather, I want to portray a slightly different relationship, one where the two mutually inspire each other to live - if I’m able to, then perhaps I’ll be closer to portraying a true expression of love.” Writing romance between two characters can be a very tricky thing which is why it’s always amazing when he can continually pull it off despite everything and how many films that he has made over the years. The beauty of having both a strong and independent male and the female character is that they can both lean on one another for love and support. Probably the biggest supporter of this is Whisper Of The Heart, a film that he wrote instead of directing. The romance is what makes up the entire film. It’s a beautiful love story about how two young teenagers fall in love with each other. The romance is something that continually keeps me coming back for more every time.

Technical style Miyazaki can always be assured to deliver breathtakingly stunning animation. There is a reason why so many people leave his films starving because the food that he draws always looks so good. For me though, it’s the backgrounds that stand out above all else. It’s nearly impossible to have one favorite shot in one of his films but I as a matter of fact do have one. The most breathtaking animation in any Miyazaki film is the scene where Howl takes Sophie to see his secret garden. Everything about this scene never fails to make my breath catch. It’s such a profoundly beautiful moment and how it is animated is something that I haven’t forgotten since my first initial viewing of the film when I was seven.

Another iconic technical trait is that Disney did a fantastic job dubbing the films from their original Japanese language into English. Back when Ghibli films first started to become popular, they needed a way for an American audience to see them. So Pixar’s CFO at the time, John Lassater made a deal with Ghibli that they would dub all the films from their original language for a brand new audience. Growing up, this was how I watched all of Miyazaki’s films. I fell in love with the way that they sounded in English. To this very day, I have yet to see one of his films in any other language. I don’t think that anybody could have dubbed them better. Ever since Ghibli and Disney went their separate ways and they went to GKids the dubs haven’t been the same.

Finally, the last technical trait is that a Miyazaki film will always have a score done by his longtime collaborator Joe Hizashi. The score is such a big part of what makes Miyazaki’s films his own. They are what get you sucked in through their whimsical and magical tones; they always fit the vibes that he’s going through at that moment. There is also the element of sound. Every Miyazaki film has a distinct sound effect that will set it apart from the one before it.

3. The first film that I want to look at is my personal favorite of all his films that he has made so far if you were to force me to pick just one Howl’s Moving Castle. Released in 2004, it was the 9th film that the director came out with. It has an 8.2 out of 10 on IMDB and an 87% on Rotten Tomatoes. The storyline for the movie follows a young woman named Sophie. She gets a curse set upon her by the Witch of the Waste and when she leaves home she finds the infamous Howl’s Moving Castle. This is the second Ghibli movie voiced by a Batman live action actor. Christian Bale voiced Howl Pendragon after Michael Keaton played the titular Porco Rosso.

Narratively this is definitely a Miyazaki film. From how strong of a female character Sophie is I spent most of my childhood looking up to her as a character. Strong female characters are everywhere in his films and in my opinion, Sophie is one of the strongest. Another strong factor is that flight plays a major part in this film. One of Howl’s main powers is that he has the ability to fly around. This leads to my favorite scene of flight in any Miyazaki film when Howl takes Sophie’s hand and they “fly” over the tops of the city down below them. All of his early films up until the last few were set in someplace other than Japan. This one is set in Europe, and he takes a lot of time while in the cities to show off all the different types of buildings while Sophie tours around the city.

Technically speaking this is also a Miyazaki film and holds all the titular traits of being so. The animation is utterly for lack of a better word, magical and spellbinding. It takes my breath away every time that I rewatch it. The food looks incredible, one scene that most of Miyazaki’s fans always think of when this movie is brought up is Calcifer making the food for Howl, Sophie, and Markal to eat. The dub for this film is also one of Disney’s best dubs for Miyazaki films. It even brings actors to the table that I usually would not like to see in other films like Christian Bale. I haven’t loved him in any other films than this one. Billy Crystal is a stand-out as well as my favorite fire demon Calcifer. The score is done by Joe Hizashi as well. My favorite part of the score is the main theme which has Howl and Sophie floating above the people below. The sound effect that follows throughout this film is the steady creaking of the castle itself.

Princess Mononoke was the first time that Miyazaki ever “retired”. Most of the time, whenever he tries to retire, he always comes back. A lot of his colleague's joke that it’s because he physically can’t stop working. He animated most of this movie by himself. Before Spirited Away it was Japan’s most famous film to date. The story about a young man who is just trying to erase the curse that was set upon him by an angry boar and it leads him to a place called Iron Town is something that never fails to amaze me. While in Iron Town, Ashitaka meets a young woman named San who was taken in by wolves and he finds himself caught between a war involving humans and the gods of the forest.

Narratively this is definitely a Miyazaki film. It has a strong female lead, focusing most of its screen time on how important it is to protect and preserve nature as a whole. The idea of protecting nature is such a moving part of the film, as we see what it does when man takes over the forest. We see how distraught it makes the Gods of this world and how they wish that the humans would just go away. However, you also see it from the point of view of the villain of the film Lady Eboshi, who also regularly helps lepers and people who would often never get work outside of her offering them a home and a family. I have regularly gotten into a debate with my mom over which side is “right” and which side “wrong” over the course of the last few years of me being a massive fan of this movie. She takes the side of the forest while I see Ashitaka’s side that everybody should just get along and interact in peace and harmony. Miyazaki never shoves the idea of nature down your throat. That is not what this film is. It’s instead about the beauty of what we have and learning to appreciate it.

On a technical level, this film is fantastic as well. It blows my mind that Miyazaki-san animated most of it all by himself. The backgrounds are sweeping and utterly gorgeous showing off the time period of the film. The fight sequences which make up the bulk of the film’s running time are engaging, thrilling, and fabulously animated. Mononoke’s score was done by Joe Hizashi as well. Its score is beautiful and I always find myself getting sucked into it, especially for the more dynamic scenes with Ashitaka and San. The sound effect for this film uses nature as a backdrop for brutality. Ashitaka’s arrows don’t just come out of his bow, they screech through the air.

Finally, my last film that we will be focusing on, Kiki’s Delivery Service was made in 1989 a year after his cult phenomena My Neighbor Totoro and was his fifth animated feature. Kiki is a young girl that is hoping to become a young witch in training. However, to do so she has to train a year away from home. She and her cat Jiji find a town by the sea where she learns her true strength and what she can really do to help others. Hayao Miyazaki didn't want to bore the audience during the film's end credits by using just the names. He set it up to be like a mini-sequel so that the audience would leave the theatre feeling happy.

Narratively this has all the traits that one should be familiar with and associate with a Miyazaki film. It has a strong-minded female character at the source of it that young girls can look up to and admire. As a kid, Kiki was my favorite female character of his because I loved her strength and her dedication to what she was good at. She knew that she was still young and had a lot to learn but even though she gets depressed she doesn’t let that stop her in the long run and will still save her love interest Tombo. The romance in this film is by far one of the sweetest. I love the interactions between the characters and the way that they both inspire one another to be better than they are. The idea of flight is basically the focal point of everything. Kiki finds that her best trait is that she flies incredibly well and decides to create her own flying delivery service.

Technically this also has a lot of traits that Miyazaki made a name for himself in doing. The animation is spectacular, especially for Kiki’s flying. I could watch her fly around all day and that was the idea that he was going for while making the film. The sweeping score by Joe Hizashi, especially in my favorite song A Town With An Ocean View, is something that I’ll often listen to outside of the film itself. The sound effects for the film are meant to be calming. From the first sound that you hear of the wind rolling through the reeds while Kiki lies against the grass to the waves when she finally finds a home.

4. Miyazaki as a director has inspired me since I was way too young to even remember. When I was a kid I would pretend to run around my apartment building's front yard imagining that I lived in a big house in front of a camper tree like the one in Totoro. His movies are perfect for children that “suffer” from having an overactive imagination. His movies are everything that is bright and beautiful in the world. The animation never fails to take my breath away, the characters and stories are unforgettable, the soundtracks sweep me away and tell stories themselves. His movies are something that even my parents, who are not anime fans, can watch over and over again. I think that speaks for itself. Miyazaki makes films that are art, not just animated films.

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mushroom-cartel--writing · 3 years

Text

to be [a]sundered

Summary: Kugisaki Nobara is blessed. She will never know.

Relationship(s): Kugisaki Nobara & Reader, Kugisaki Nobara/Reader

Note(s):

Here’s the link to read this on AO3! (You know the drill, extra tags, different notes, the format I intended, etc. Oh. And the comment section.)

There’s manga spoilers in this fic alongside headcanon.

So far, out of my menial amount of JJK fics, this one has probably been the most enjoyable to write. With Nobara’s background I can play around because it’s just there.

|||

“I’m going to Tokyo,” she says. Come with me.

“No.” Can’t, sorry.

Mahito touches her soul.

Kugisaki Nobara is blessed.

She will never know.

The first time she introduces you to her friends, Saori nearly gouges your eye out with a sugar spoon and Fumi spills the contents of her cup across the table.

“I have cake,” you say, offering a cutesy box to Saori who’s still got the sugar spoon trained on you. “It’s baumkuchen. An old acquaintance gave it to me for free but I figured it’d be too much for just one person.”

Nobara, giggling, just offers you a seat and asks for more tea.

On the outskirts of the village there is a shrine.

They say it houses a god that blessed their lands long ago and watches over them to this very day; they hold a celebration in its honour every year, a small share of the harvest season’s best crop is offered up to appease the god.

Her grandparents say it houses a malevolent wonder-terror who feasts on the soul of its worshippers once the sun goes down; her grandparents say the aforementioned god and malevolent wonder-terror are one and the same, born from a wish made by humans.

You laugh when she tells you the crap people have come up about your home. (You appreciate the free food, though.)

You are not a god or something malevolent. You’re you.

Not quite divine but too powerful to sniff at.

Humans cannot see or sense you. Not even those who can bottle their negative energy, the ones you occasionally see passing through the village. Usually, you have to will yourself into existence. But she can regardless.

Spirits, the weak and strong, good nor bad, fear you. Your presence sets their survival instincts off, running immediately when you try to approach them. She has to give chase and incapacitate them for you when the hunger becomes agony.

You taught her well, it seems.

Too well.

Mahito touches her soul and it burns, burns, burns.

Kugisaki Nobara was barely old enough to be out on her own, but her grandparents trusted her to stay safe. The village was small, everyone knew each other, word spread fast, so if something happened to her on her small excursion… Well, no one would come looking for her, would they?

It was a lie when she said she was just going out to play with friends at the park.

Nobara didn’t have friends.

All the other kids were boring. She didn’t like their company. Whenever there was a big gathering, she’d try her best to avoid them and hide from the adults in bushes.

Despite knowing this, her grandmother let her go.

She hated being cooped inside with nothing to do and today was perfect! The humid air made her clothes stick to her skin but at least the wide-brimmed straw sunhat she snatched from her grandfather’s shed protected her from the sun’s wrath. It meant her peers would be over at the river halfway across the village; people wouldn’t go back to working on their fields until it cooled down a bit later in the day; they wouldn’t see her; and she’d be on her lonesome.

She wanted to laugh to herself. Everything was coming together.

Finally, she could check out that place she’s been meaning to visit ever since she first heard of it: the derelict shrine.

Her grandmother warned her to stay away from it, lest she give her name away by accident to the being living there and have her life stolen, but Nobara, inwardly, thought it was a load of cow dung. She’d die? Hah?! It was all superstition! (She would never admit it did spook her a bit.) Besides, things like vampires and witches and ghosts didn't exist in the first place. She’d be fine.

Humming with a skip in her step, Nobara made it to the shrine in due time.

“Hello?”

“Why hello there!”

She took everything back.

You had to be a ghost with the way you snuck up on her soundlessly. You kept insisting you weren’t. You glided along the floor.

You had to be a ghost. And now you were serving her snacks and tea. Inside the shrine. Inside what was, supposedly, your home.

“Why don’t I believe you?” she voiced aloud.

You stared at her, face deadpan, and poured hot water over your hand. She watched your skin scald. “Does this answer your question?”

Kugisaki Nobara at five years old was a bit of a skeptic, contrary to her personal beliefs.

“No. Not really.”

11:25 PM →

You emerge from the gaping hole where her left eye was blown out alongside a good chunk of her head, something writhing and fierce and oh-so familiar.

Ah. Right. This feeling; this foreign dread dawning upon him, piercing Mahito innermost; your dull but irritated eyes trained on the cursed spirit akin to a lizard eyeing up a cockroach. You’re like him, possessing a soul that absolutely cannot and should not be touched.

Shit—that means she too—

Hahahahaha.

You don’t even need to spare him another glance. You know what he’s thinking. You know what he’s done.

You won’t be as lenient with him as Sukuna was.

But here’s the thing. Although a student may surpass their teacher one day, the teacher might not relay all that they know to the next generation to ensure the safety of their student and those around them. However, Mahito is nothing to you. Itadori Yuuji, on the other hand, is important, so you grab him and throw the boy behind you.

“Reverberate,” you intone, bearing the exact same wounds as her.

His senses are heightened a thousandfold, but not nearly are they even close to yours.

You shove a nail of hers into yourself, saying, “Plunge.”

It hurts. It hurts, it hurts, ithurtsithurtsithurts, hurtshurtshurtshurtshurTshURtsHURTS.

“Quietus.”

“We’re soulmates, you and me.”

She bursts out laughing. “Like from those cheesy dramas?” Nobara asks. Because. She needs to know. Whenever she’s around you, everything feels… right. It’s hard to articulate. Her heart doesn’t rush when you graze her skin but the particular spot where contact was made always tingles with a reassuring warmth; you’re real, not a fabrication of her imagination. She doesn’t fantasise about you like the way her peers do with the object of their affections. Your very presence makes her comfortable. “Are you having second thoughts?” she jeers, poking you hard in the ribs. (She’s still bitter about your decision.)

The intended jab has no effect.

“No,” is your reply. “What I mean is that your soul and mine are the same. If something happens to you, I’ll know.”

“What? You think I’m gonna be some part of a demonic summoning ritual where I’ll be a human sacrifice?”

“Time and distance makes no difference.”

“So if I just say the word…?”

“That… that’s not what I…” You sigh and scrub the gunk from your eyes.

How are you supposed to explain the whole situation to her?

Oh, yeah, about a couple aeons ago there was a being who tore themself in two—one part immortal, the other mortal—in order to understand their reason for existing. Their immortal self would be stagnant and observe their mortal self who would continuously live, die and reincarnate, until the latter, under their own volition, sought the former out and then a conclusion would be made between the two on whether or not they would remain as separate entities or rejoin together as one again.

Your original self (you and her; her and you) wasn’t great at planning ahead, that is plain to see. They didn’t think about the consequences, they just wanted an out. And fast.

Well look at you now. Distorted beyond reason. You’re an exercise in self-destruction. You stopped considering it being a miracle that you could wake up every morning by yourself and do what you wanted: the novelty was short-lived. You want to die but you’re at the point where it’s easier to convince yourself you do not than to focus on how you will off yourself somewhere that no one (and nothing) can find your undecayed corpse because the company you keep will become worried if you let the happy facade slip.

“Never mind,” you mutter.

She was ten when she first saw the skull.

It tumbled from your billowing sleeve as you rummaged around your pockets, rolling to a stop at her feet.

She lifted it up. “Whose is this?”

It was a weird skull, not like those she’d seen in her textbooks. She thought of asking Fumi about the skull later, when school started back up, but the idea was literally snatched from her mind when you saw exactly what she was holding.

In your hands, the skull seemed smaller. Inconsequential. Another another weird quirk of yours: carrying around random things. Maybe it was a model? You told her to forget about it and stowed the skull away—back into your sleeve—and dragged her along the beaten path you insisted on walking.

The next time, she was thirteen and helping you clear up your home. Fumi was there too.

They’d been going through a closet stuffed full of old junk and out the skull tumbled, right into Fumi’s lap. Rightfully so, her friend screamed. It took you several minutes to calm the poor girl down, her view of you now askew. Nobara was on your side when Fumi tried convincing you whomever the skull belonged to deserved a proper burial out in the forest and you refused.

No matter how hard she tried, you would not budge.

And that was that.

(From then on, whenever you made yourself visible to Fumi, she regarded you warily before seeing the way you looked at Nobara like she hung the stars and the moon.)

The last time the skull made an appearance in her life, Nobara had just turned fifteen.

A strange pair of men were at her door at the crack of dawn, rousing her grandparents, which prompted them to drag Nobara out of bed at such a god-awful time of the day. They all sat at a table soberly, discussing her future while Nobara found her attention gravitating to you.

You were playing with a stray cat in the garden, its stomach presented to you eagerly so soon after it deemed you safe, and making the most disgusting cooing noises she had ever heard to it with a dopey grin.

It was only at the call of her name that her head snapped back forward.

Yaga Masamichi was a strange one, tinkering so openly with a corpse in front of her deeply superstitious grandparents, but, strangely enough, it was his companion, a shock of white hair and bandage, that caught her eye. The young man was looking your way.

Not at the cat pawing up at thin air. Oh no. The blindfolded stranger’s gaze was dead set on you; she saw his brow raise minutely as Yaga and her grandparents continued talking, her tools of trade that was cobbled together from old sheds and the local hardware store bared flat on the table; she watched him watch you rub the cat’s belly before you lifted it high into the air like a parent would to their child. It was obvious what the situation playing out was: you had caught on to the stranger’s sighting of you long before she did. To emphasise the fact, you even babbled to the cat, “Higher, higher! Oopsie-daisy!!” before letting it back down and nuzzling it against your face, affectionate and close.

Yaga only noticed the change in atmosphere when the cat’s meows suddenly went quiet. But the other one (white hair, bandages, feels wrong, rotting flesh and fresh) grinned, slapping an enrollment form on the table.

“You. Leave that thing behind when you come to our school,” said Gojou Satoru, his introduction earlier all pomp and a wellspring of positive energy memes a stark comparison to now as he continued watching you, all but ignoring her grandmother shouting up at him to stop spouting nonsense.

(“What drivel! My granddaughter surely won’t—”)

She went back to spacing out in your direction.

Without hesitation, you dropped the cat into your gaping maw and swallowed it whole in one gulp. The first cursed spirit you managed to catch by yourself. Your ability at masking your aura was improving. That was good.

The skull peeked out of your hoodie’s pocket, the many orbits winking at her.

Screw the rules, you were coming with her whether the bureaucracy liked it or not.

At this rate, she’s going to die for sure.

You know what to do.

You’re one and the same. If Mahito touched one half of your original self and corrupted it, reason dictates that giving her body (the container) yours will fix her. But there’s a problem.

The implosion practically ruined her chances of survival, reducing it to null.

Not even a high grade sorcerer could hope to reverse the damage. Bone is a special material. Bone takes time to be cultivated or to grow. For a jujutsu user, especially, a substitute of different material won’t cut it. Bone, like the soul, contains an essence of sorts, it’s one of the few natural conductors of negative energy humans can have.

Your point: bone is not easily replaced.

Kneeling over Nobara, you grab from the air the object you were entrusted with over a millennium ago for safekeeping.

“Oi, oi, oi, you. You. Freak-god-thing.” You regard Itadori Yuuji with disdain. Or rather, the lone eye and accompanying mouth that’s on his cheek. “Is that what I think it is.”

“What? Are you objecting? Or worse—obstructing?”

“I don’t know about you or the brat, but you’re gonna fuck up the girl if you do that.”

“And since when did the King of Curses grow a heart?”

“I fucking didn’t, you prick.” The eye manages to scowl without a brow. “I’m just saying… You are sending her to condemnation.”

“Says the finger shagger,” you retort. The mouth disappears; Itadori Yuuji has an indescribable expression on his face but you know he won’t try and stop your hare-brained idea, he wants what you want.

You know what you’re doing.

You’ve had to do this a few times before.

It will work.

“Hello?”

A child? Who in their right mind would—

You freeze in your tracks. It’s them, your mind exclaims. It’s them. Them. Them. Them.

… Her.

You walk up behind her, beaming.

“Why hello there!” you chime, so, so happy.

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #kugisaki nobara x reader #nobara x reader #gn!reader #gender-neutral reader #reader insert #one-shot #originally posted on ao3 #jujutsu kaisen

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bright-eyes-strawberry-lies · 4 years

Text

I recently read The Camp Half-Blood Confidential for the first time and while most of it made me cringe, there was one story in particular that really made me cringe: Space Could Be An Issue.

For those of you who haven’t read it, the premise of Space Could Be An Issue is this: Annabeth is in charge of designing and building the cabins for the children of minor gods/goddesses but it appears that there’s no space for all of them!

What is an architect to do?

Annabeth suggests treehouses or houseboats and both are shot down by Chiron, who says the nature spirits would never allow it. Good thing that there’s no spirit of grass or open field, otherwise they’d never be able to build anywhere, right? Annabeth suggests caves; because why not just dump all those extras in a cave. Chiron shoots her down again; there’s only one cave and it belongs to the Oracle. Damn. Well what about stacking the cabins on top of each other? Parents associated with the sky can be on top and parents associated with the ground can be at the bottom. What? That seems a little bit...classist? No. Of course not. The real reason that won’t work is because demigods can’t cohabitate. You heard it from Chiron! All of your ships are invalid because demigods of different “families” can’t live together in peace.

Never fear! For Annabeth is here to save the day! Her latest idea is for small and low profile tiny houses. Her words, not mine. (I was going to make a sarcastic comment here about how, after fighting a war for equality, it’s a good idea to put the “lesser” demigods in places that are small and low profile...until I realized that Annabeth wasn’t fighting a war for equality, she was fighting for the continued reign of the Gods and therefore inequality because she ultimately privileges from the system no matter how often she cries mommy issues).

Anyway...The tiny houses are two stories; with a living area that sleeps two, a bedroom loft that sleeps two, and a bathroom. So four demigods per tiny house. Somehow there’s storage beneath the beds in the living area, which are the kind that pull out of the couch. Not sure how that works since normally the bed goes in the “storage area” when it’s in couch mode. And there’s a single closet beneath the stairs for more storage. The bathroom is the coolest part of the whole thing but it’s never mentioned if there’s a shower in those bathrooms or just a toilet and sink.

If you put four of these tiny houses together, they’re the size of one major demigod cabin. Isn’t that so funny. How you need four tiny houses for demigods but can’t build a regular sized cabin. Ha! Hilarious!

Which brings up a question. How big are the original twelve cabins anyway? The Hermes Cabin is so over crowded that kids need to sleep on the floor. Poseidon’s Cabin has nothing but six bunk beds (and later a small saltwater fountain) in it. Meanwhile, the Athena Cabin has multiple smart boards, work desks, a library, and a small armory on top of the beds. They’re clearly not all made equal (and that’s not even getting into the fact that the Hermes Cabin is literally falling apart).

Why does the size of the Athena Cabin matter, though? It matters because none of the other cabins are used for anything other than sleeping and chilling when there aren’t activities. The Athena cabin is so disproportionately huge and ironically high tech compared to the other cabins (WHY DOES RICK HATE THE HERMES CABIN?!). Okay, but they’re using it as a school. Why would you use a cabin as a school room?! Because those kids are supposed to be “geniuses?” So they don’t have anywhere in camp to just relax? It’s always work, work, work for the Athena kids, huh?

Where would you put the school? Oh I don’t know. Maybe the Big House, which only ever has two people living in it despite being three stories tall and super wide and easily the biggest building on the property. Ah, the Big House, where the occupants are always outside on the porch and the only interior mentioned is a living space with a ping pong table, Chiron’s office, and the attic used to stash the Oracle and other useless shit no one wants to look at. Why in Hades would you put a school room there? Think of the ping pong table! Relax! It was just an idea.

Hang on, we’ll come back to this. Now I want to bring up the decorating of cabins. The tiny houses also have the ability to be decorated however the occupants want, with only a single touch, which means that maybe the demigods of Nemesis want neon green walls despite Nemesis having nothing to do with neon green. Or the children of Iris are going through a Goth phase and decide all the walls should be black. Why does that matter? Because all of the other cabins are decorated according to godly parent. The demigods who live in the major cabins are extremely limited in what they can do with decorating because of “tradition and respect.” In fact, Percy and Tyson only add two decorations to their cabin: the aforementioned saltwater fountain and hippocampus figures on the ceiling. Which are both related to Poseidon. Despite some of the major cabins having been rebuilt, they were rebuilt to be exactly the same as before.

Which leads us to two points:

1.) The cabins aren’t shrines to the gods. These cabins aren’t sacred temples to the gods. The gods don’t care what happens in them or to them. They don’t care if they’re broken or overcrowded. They don’t care if the kids are fucking in them or if they’re digging tunnels underneath them or putting curses on them. The gods already have statues of themselves everywhere and most of them have a separate place in Camp that could be considered to be “their” place (Hephaestus and the forges, anyone?).

2.) Hera and Artemis’ cabins should both be nixed completely. Hera, as a goddess who will never have demigod children, doesn’t need a cabin on principle. She only has a cabin out of politeness, not necessity. And I can hear your protests already but no, Artemis shouldn’t have a cabin either. Her hunters have magical tents that they live in every other day of the year except for the one day out of the summer that they stop by Camp Half-Blood. That’s two cabins that regularly stand empty - one 100% of the time and one 99% of the time - and take up valuable space for people who actually need it.

Speaking of cabins that are usually empty: Poseidon and Zeus dont have more than one or two kids at a time (despite Zeus being a slut) so their cabins don’t actually need to be as big as the other cabins. Percy mentions that upon arriving at Camp Half-Blood, there are a couple hundred kids. More than half of them “disappear” during the first winter. Some die over the course of the series. Then the camp gets a huge influx of demigods; both the ones that came from Kronos’ army because they were pardoned and the previously unclaimed demigods.

Annabeth suggested stacking cabins on top of each other, which is a stupid idea for so many reasons (only one of which is pointed out to her and I listed another one), but she was actually on to something.

Except instead of making each floor for a different group of Godlings, what if, hear me out now, you bulldoze every single Cabin. (You get a tent! You get a tent! No, just kidding about the tents unless you’re a hunter of Artemis.)

Bulldoze the existing Cabins so that you’re starting from scratch (Annabeth, take some damn notes). Rebuild without Hera and Artemis’ Cabins. You never know when Zeus and Poseidon are going to get horny now that they’re technically allowed to reproduce again, so make their Cabins the same size as all the others (if you must). Rebuild the Cabins so that they’re a smidge narrower and a lot taller. That’s right! Slap two or three floors on top of those suckers! Make! Everyone! Fit! Give! Them! Space! No! More! Sleeping! On! The! Floor!

But what about the disabled - THERE ARE NO DISABLED DEMIGODS. Not even a single one! Everyone can climb stairs! Everyone! All the time!

Well that’s...true (and ableist) but what about Chiron? Shouldn’t he be able to get into the cabins? Chiron already can’t get into the cabins. He couldn’t get into the original twelve, he can’t get into any of the new ones.

Which brings me to the final, and possibly most important point. GIVE THESE KIDS PRIVATE BATHROOMS FOR FUCKS SAKE! If everyone thinks it’s a good idea for the tiny houses to have “personal” bathrooms, then give them to all of the cabins. No more communal showers! No more hazing other campers in the public toilets! No more getting eaten by harpies because you had to pee after curfew!

This way everyone is equal. No one has a better space or more space than anyone else. Everyone gets to decorate how they want. No one is going to die on the way to the bathroom. Because even though the war was ultimately about maintaining the status quo, Percy and Luke both said “no, this isn’t right and too many are suffering because of it and things need to change.” One traded his life for it, the other traded immortality for it.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

#percy jackson #percy jackson series #riordanverse #annabeth chase #camp half blood #long post #text post

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sifeng · 5 years

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Chinese Drama Villains

Villains are just as essential to a story as a hero. If you have a weak villain that has no personality beyond evil, and no reasoning behind their actions besides “because they’re evil”, then no matter how good your hero is, the story still won’t be compelling.

Today, I will compare 7 different villains from four different kinds of dramas - wuxia, xianxia, harem and revolutionary era. The eight villains can also be grouped into three different categories based on why they do what they do - for love, for power, and a struggle internally.

The eight villains I will be analyzing are as follows:

Sui He (穗禾) played by Wang Yifei (王一菲) from Ashes of Love (香蜜沉沉烬如霜) - Xianxia

Xian Fei (娴妃) played by She Shiman (佘诗曼) from The Story of Yanxi Palace (延禧攻略) - Harem

An Lingrong (安陵容) played by Tao Xinran (陶昕然) from Empresses in the Palace (甄嬛传) - Harem

Hua Fei (华妃) played by Jiang Xin (蒋欣) from Empresses in the Palace (甄嬛传) - Harem

Yang Kang (杨康) played by so many different people but from the most recent one its Chen Xingxu (陈星旭) from The Legend of the Condor Heroes (射雕英雄传) - Wuxia

Zhou Zhiruo (周芷若) played by so many different people but from the most recent one its Zhu Xudan (祝绪丹) from Heavenly Sword and Dragon Sabre (倚天屠龙记) - Wuxia

Feng Manna (冯曼娜) played by Tao Xinran (陶昕然) from Rookie Agent Rouge (胭脂) - Revolutionary Era

They can be grouped into the three categories I mentioned before in this order:

For Love - Sui He, Hua Fei, Zhou Zhiruo (kind of)

For Power - Xian Fei, An Lingrong

Internal Struggle - Yang Kang, Zhou Zhiruo (kind of), Feng Manna

Let’s analyze each category separately. Also sorry Yang Kang is the only guy villain here, but lets be real, in recent dramas haven’t the villains always been ladies?

For Love

This group is the easiest to determine what their motivation is: love. For all three, they are the second female leads (arguably) and cannot get the leading man because he obviously belongs to the female lead.

Sui He (穗禾) played by Wang Yifei (王一菲) - Ashes of Love (香蜜沉沉烬如霜)

For Sui He, love is one of two factors that causes her to do the things she does. The other factor is because she wants to please the Heavenly Empress to keep her position as the leader of the Bird Tribe. But evidently, it seems that love is her primary motive, as the scene in which she completely breaks down is when Xu Feng (male lead) reveals he never loved Sui He and only wanted to see if she really killed Jin Mi (female lead)’s parents. When she looses leadership of the Bird Tribe, yeah, she’s sad, but not as sad as the aforementioned scene.

Hua Fei/Nian Shilan (华妃/年世兰) played by Jiang Xin (蒋欣) - Empresses in the Palace (甄嬛传) - the one in hot pink

Hua Fei’s motive is just love. She already has power within the harem (she’s tied with the Empress), and her family is super important and powerful as well. The only thing she wants is the Emperor (male lead)’s love. When the emperor is more interested in the new concubines, Shen Meizhuang and Zhen Huan (female lead), Hua Fei is ready to destroy them. She gets Shen Meizhuang out of favor by tricking her into thinking she was pregnant, and while she tries, on many occasions, to get Zhen Huan out of favor as well, it seems her ideas don’t work.

Zhu Xudan (祝绪丹) as Zhou Zhiruo (周芷若) in Heavenly Sword and Dragon-Slaying Sabre (倚天屠龙记)

Zhou Zhiruo could technically be in two categories here, but let’s just talk about how her love for Zhang Wuji (male lead) affects her decisions. After Zhang Wuji leaves her at the altar after Zhao Min (female lead) intrudes on their ceremony and offers to help Zhang Wuji find his godfather only if he leaves with her, Zhou Zhiruo sheds the mask of innocence that she wears. She uses her unorthodox Nine White Bone Claws to try to kill Zhao Min, and this isn’t her first attempt to kill Zhao Min. She tried once to stab her in the stomach while she was sleeping, but got caught by Yin Li, who she had to kill instead. She then tried to make Zhang Wuji kill Zhao Min by pretending that Zhao Min had killed Yin Li and stolen the swords. The reason for her attempted assassinations is she is jealous that Zhang Wuji likes Zhao Min (though some of her other evil actions are for a different reason).

So What Do These Three Have in Common?

Love leads these three female villains into killing at least one person. For Sui He, she kills the Water and Wind Immortal, for Hua Fei she succeeds in giving Zhen Huan a miscarriage, and for Zhou Zhiruo, she is forced to kill Yin Li to silence her. Love drives these three into a frenzy, and they are willing to do anything or kill anyone to get the love of their respective male leads.

Some Others in this Category:

Zhao Sese (赵瑟瑟) - Goodbye My Princess (东宫)

Su Jin (素锦) - Eternal Love (三生三世十里桃花)

Chun Fei (纯妃) - Story of Yanxi Palace (延禧攻略) - kind of an exception though since she loves the second male lead

For Power

This type of villain is seen commonly in harem dramas, and some heroines even have this as their motive (Zhen Huan, Wei Yingluo). Their basis for their horrible actions is primarily so they can gain power, usually so they can be above those who had previously stepped all over them.

Xian Fei/Hui Fa Na La Shu Shen (娴妃/辉发那拉·淑慎) played by She Shiman (佘诗曼) - Story of Yanxi Palace (延禧攻略)

Xian Fei had once been a kind and unfavored concubine who didn't bother to play in court politics (but then again, in the beginning only Gao Guifei cared at all). But after her family’s fall from power (of which she cannot do anything for), she changes dramatically. She starts by killing Jia Pin, and making all sorts of ploys to bring Wei Yingluo’s downfall. While she doesn’t hate the emperor, her motives for getting higher in the court have nothing to do with him. Her ending, while not as bad as some of the other ones, is rather tragic, as she becomes an empress that is isolated and given no real power, similar to how she started out.

An Lingrong (安陵容) played by Tao Xinran (陶昕然) - Empress in the Palace (甄嬛传)

Like Xian Fei, An Lingrong starts out weak, unfavored but still good-hearted. She is grateful for the friendship of her two friends, Zhen Huan and Shen Meizhuang, even though the emperor could care less about her. She actually starts out at the lowest title possible for a concubine and stays there for like eighteen episodes. As her power grows a little stronger, she begins to develop an inferiority complex, and she believes Zhen Huan is trying to sabotage her (even though she’s not). She ends up betraying her two good friends in the beginning and going to the empress to become her minion. Throughout this development, her title grows and grows as does her father’s importance in the court. As her power grows, her personality shifts from kind and innocent to jealous and eager to gain more power.

Some Others in this Category:

Hong Shiguang (洪世光) - My Amazing Boyfriend (我的奇妙男友)

So What Do These Two Have in Common?

They both start out weak and unfavored, though Xian Fei’s rank is considerably higher than An Lingrong’s. While An Lingrong doesn’t need a tragedy to get her power hungry quest started, she does require assistance at first from Zhen Huan. The two ladies both use subtle plots and schemes to bring down their competitors, and both kill somebody. Xian Fei straight up chokes Jia Pin (though not with her own hands of course) and An Lingrong causes Zhen Huan’s miscarriage by giving her an ointment whose scent causes miscarriages. Both rise considerably in power, and loose their old personalities, replacing them with a desire for power and revenge.

Internal Struggle

This is my favorite type of villain, and also the most complex. This group of characters have some sort of struggle internally, usually on whether to do what others say, or do what seems to be easiest. They are the most emotional of these villains because even though they seem to be tough and strong on the outside, inside they have no clue what to do.

Yang Kang (杨康) played by Chen Xingxu (陈星旭) - Legend of the Condor Heroes (射雕英雄传)

Honestly, while watching the 2003 and 2017 versions and reading the novel, I felt really bad for Yang Kang, but he definitely does do things we as watchers cannot forgive. His struggle is between whether he should accept his fate as a normal Song peasant or continue being the Jurchen Prince he once was. His real father, Yang Tiexin was a Song peasant, as was his mom, Bao Xiruo. After Yang Tiexin was supposedly “killed”, Bao Xiruo married Wanyan Honglie, a Jurchen Prince, so Yang Kang could have a good life. When Yang Tiexin was revealed not to be dead, Bao Xiruo and Mu Nianci (Yang Kang’s love interest) both convinced him to accept his father was Yang Tiexin, and escape the city to live a peasant life with his real family. He refused, and Wanyan Honglie decided to run after the reunited family, this led to the deaths of Yang Tiexin and Bao Xiruo. Their deaths, as well as Yang Kang’s new struggle of “who am I?” leads him to Mu Nianci, and he finally accepts he is Yang Tiexin’s son, and a normal Song peasant. But, life as a Song peasant obviously is not as comfortable as life as a Jurchen Prince, and he constantly switches and back and forth from Song peasant to Jurchen Prince. When he discovers the reason Bao Xiruo and Yang Tiexin were separated in the first place was Wanyan Honglie; Mu Nianci, Guo Jing and Huang Rong all tell him to kill Wanyan Honglie. He is about to, but cannot do so, because well, duh, this dude raised him. For eighteen (something) years, he thought he was Wanyan Kang, and not Yang Kang.

This brings me to why he’s a villain - the things I said before, that doesn’t make him a villain, it makes him a human. But what does make him a villain is when he is willing to betray his true country (Song) for Jin, and when he then lies to Mu Nianci.

Is he allowed to not be willing to leave the comfort of the palace? Yes. Is he allowed to not have the guts to kill Wanyan Honglie? Yes. Is he allowed to help Wanyan Honglie once in exchange for Wanyan Honglie raising him? Yes, even twice. But, is he allowed to betray his country and the person who loves him the most just for some title and some riches? No. Sure, he can stay in the palace as a Jurchen prince, but the fact that he used Mu Nianci’s connections to get information about Song army advancements and then TOLD THEM TO WANYAN HONGLIE is unacceptable.

But I do think it ought to be said - Guo Jing, Huang Rong and Mu Nianci were being way too cruel when they asked Yang Kang to kill Wanyan Honglie. That’s like asking you to kill this man who did nothing but be nice to you and raise you as a parent should for your entire childhood. Who is cruel enough to do that?

Feng Manna (冯曼娜) played by Tao Xinran (陶昕然) - Rookie Agent Rouge (胭脂)

I also felt really bad for Manna, especially in the beginning. In the beginning, her best friend is Lan Yanzhi, and they’re really close - that is until Yanzhi decides to betray Manna. Yanzhi decides to help the Nationalist Party by infiltrating Manna’s house and revealing how Manna’s parents are Japanese spies. Yanzhi does make the Nationalists promise that in her infiltrating the house, these actions will not hurt Manna (but of course they do). Yanzhi’s spying causes the death of Manna’s parents and the destruction of the friendship the two girls had.

So, doesn’t Yanzhi seem like the villain here? Well, two reasons she isn’t, what Manna does after these first few episodes, and because Yanzhi was helping her country (ooooh, I should do an antihero analysis too! Yanzhi would fit so perfectly). After the death of her parents, Manna can only rely on San Ge, the person she loves the most. And eventually, she is forced to go and help the Japanese, something she does with joy, and she really (really really really) wants to capture Yanzhi and torture her too. She ends up being a huge spy for the Japanese, and when she does capture Yanzhi, she unleashes all sorts of torture on her (mental, physical, all the sorts). Her willingness to betray her country just because of a broken friendship does paint her as a traitor, but you do have to consider the fact that she has no where else to go. Her parents were traitors, and so who will believe that she’s a hero? Another factor that makes her a villain is the fact that she believes her parents were correct, she believes that they’ll go to heaven, even though they were evil and wicked. While of course, we, as children (usually), see our parents as good people no matter what they do, Manna should have seen this situation in context.

But now that I write this, Manna is a very pitiful character, and if this story was told from her point of view, Yanzhi would 100% be the villain. Out of the people on this list, Manna has the most reason to do what she does, and while its not correct (what she does), she really had no other option.

Zhou Zhiruo (周芷若) played by Zhu Xudan (祝绪丹) - Heavenly Sword and Dragon Slaying Sabre (倚天屠龙记)

We’ve already seen how love impacts Zhou Zhiruo’s decisions and her evil, but another factor that causes her transformation is the pressure her master, Miejue put on her before her death. Miejue made Zhou Zhiruo promise not to ever love Zhang Wuji, and even to kill him. She made her the new leader of Emei, but also said that if Zhiruo disobeyed her, then Miejue would never get to experience peace in the afterlife. Zhiruo, who loves Zhang Wuji, but also Miejue doesn't know what to do.

On the Island, she steals the two swords, and while she tries to kill Zhao Min, her master had told her to kill Wuji. She cannot bring herself to do that (meaning she has disobeyed her master and that Miejue will not find peace in the afterlife). She then gets the Nine Yin Manual, and practices the Nine White Bone Claw skill, though she only learns the inferior unorthodox version. Zhiruo kills Yin Li, and pushes all the responsibility onto Zhao Min, continuing to pretend she too is a victim. After being left at the altar, she decides to follow through with Miejue’s orders and becomes the true leader of Emei. She shuts up one of the Emei students who used to talk trash about her by continuously hitting her with her blows until the student finally accepts Zhiruo is truly the leader.

So What Do These Three Have in Common?

They’re being told to do one thing, but they cannot. Yang Kang is told to be a Song peasant, since he’s supposed to be one, but he would rather be a prince. Manna is told she should be sincere to her country, but the only people who will accept her are the Japanese. Zhiruo is told to forget her love for Zhang Wuji, but she loves him too much. This kind of struggle leads them to do cruel things out of confusion or anger. These are the most complex villains, with motives that go beyond just one thing. They do bad things because they cannot live up society’s expectations of a good person, and go the opposite way instead.

So What Makes a Good Villain?

The ones I’ve included as analysis are all good villains, but my favorite, in terms of how complex he is, is Yang Kang. He are real, human, and his motives go beyond just one reason. Manna was also really complex, and also she had just a great transformation. She is kind of forced into the role of a villain because there’s no where else to go. Honestly, though she does some bad things, people in that show (Rookie Agent Rouge) all do bad things, even good guys, so she’s a great reflection of how cruel society can be. She’s a victim, and because no one was willing to help her, or because she wasn’t wiling to accept the truth, she turned into the villain. My least favorite type of villains is the “do it for love” type, since, realistically, few people would go to the point of murder for love.

One of the reasons I feel like Manna is such a good villain, is because Tao Xinran played her role so well. Jiang Xin’s Hua Fei was also SO GOOD! You can see that behind that mask of power and sass, she’s just a little girl who wants to be loved by the one she loves. So, while writing is very important, I think acting is very important as well. You have to create a good character, with human traits and realistic motives, and also an actor or actress has to be able to play out these traits.

#cdrama #villains #cdrama analysis #ashes of love #heavenly sword and dragon saber #rookie agent rouge #legend of the condor heroes #story of yanxi palace #empresses in the palace

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raccoon-wizard · 4 years

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Two and Half Assholes

An entire one person (shout out to @jumpfiend) expressed their wish for me to write an angry essay about the long dead show Two and Half Men (2003-2015) and all the problems it has. Allow me to start by saying that I am by no means a professional critic and I have never really written an in-depth review of anything. But I have a lot of feelings that I need to get out about this shitshow, otherwise my head is gonna explode next time my father insists on watching it.

Just a warning, this is a very long post.

What is Two and Half Men about?

If I tried to write my own summary here, I would probably end up tearing it to shreds already. Instead, I’m going to borrow the annotation from IMDB.com: “A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beachfront house.”

That doesn’t really say much, does it now. Luckily, the same site also provides us with a wide range of plot (hahahah “plot”) summaries written by users. This one tells us a little more: “The Harper brothers Charlie and Alan are almost opposites but form a great team. They have little in common except their dislike for their mundane, maternally cold and domineering mother, Evelyn. Alan, a compulsively neat chiropractor and control-freak, is thrown out by his manipulative wife Judith who nevertheless gets him to pay for everything and do most jobs in the house. Charlie is a freelance jingle composer and irresistible Casanova who lives in a luxurious beach-house and rarely gets up before noon. Charlie "temporarily" allows Alan and his son Jake, a food-obsessed, lazy kid who shuttles between his parents, to move in with them after Alan's separation/divorce. The sitcom revolves around their conflicting lifestyles, raising Jake (who has the efficient, caring dad while having a ball with his fun-loving sugar uncle who teaches him boyish things), and bantering with Evelyn and various other friends and family. Other fairly regular characters include Charlie's cleaning lady Berta and his rich, self-confessed stalker neighbor Rose who often sneaks in to spy on Charlie.”

Now that’s much better. It gives us quite a decent picture of the show’s ensemble. At least for the starter episodes, this is pretty much what it is. But as the show progresses, we see that the characters have a little bit more depth to them. But not that much.

Let’s start with Charlie Harper, the “freelance jingle composer and irresistible Casanova who lives in a luxurious beach-house and rarely gets up before noon” portrayed by Charlie Sheen. (Is that man still a thing?) I think we can get a lot by taking apart this brief description of him. Freelance jingle composer pretty much means that he has a grand piano in his house and we can occasionally see him playing it while trying to put together words for a commercial for some random product. And that’s it. He has a few other musician friends who are just as big of assholes as he is, but we’ll get to that later. Other than that, we don’t really see him working at all. I think there is one episode about him writing kids’ songs because his girlfriend’s kid likes them. And one about him getting an award?? I don’t know man. The second part of that statement is a much more prominent “personality” trait of Charlie’s. In nearly every episode, we see him “dating” (meaning shagging and then dumping) another woman. I have mentioned in my initial post that this show is misogynistic. Don’t worry, I will also get into that later. For now I’m going to say that Charlie treats all these women absolutely disgustingly and we’re supposed to laugh at that. On the rare occasions we see him in a long term relationship (which happens twice I think? I’m not sure now), we get the stereotypical ball and chain bullshit. The woman takes all his freedom and tries to make him better. While I hate that trope with burning passion, I have to admit that in this case, she does have a solid point. Charlie is a pathetic excuse of a man who has to count on his good looks (questionable) and his riches. By the way, where did he even get them? Does composing jingles really make that much money? Is he that good of a gambler? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen another episode addressing the fact that the answer to both of these questions is no. Where the hell did this luxurious beach-house come from??? So many questions about a show that deserves so little.

Surprisingly, Charlie is the better one out of the two brothers. At the start, we really do feel sorry for Alan. His wife (who is a HORRIBLE person by the way) kicks him out and manipulates him into still paying for everything and doing many things for her around the house. Who wouldn’t feel bad for someone like this? He moves in with Charlie “for the time being”. Soon, we realise that he is not leaving the house anytime soon. He becomes a disgusting leech, a truly pathetic excuse of a man. And he doesn’t even bother hiding it. I’m not sure if we’re supposed to feel sorry for him or laugh at him, but either case doesn’t really work if you spend at least ten seconds thinking about it. How are we supposed to sympathise with a man that lives off of others and barely lifts a finger to change it? The worst part is, the show presents it as something completely normal. We don’t really see Alan’s actions turning against him, do we? Most of the time, whatever shit he does, works just fine for him.

Another prominent character is Alan’s son, Jake, who grows up throughout the series. A fat little boy, not exactly bright. A spoiled brat (if it’s the fault of Alan or Judith is questionable) that has everything handed to him, as Charlie points out in one episode. It’s another bad personality trait that we’re supposed to find funny. And at first, we kind of do. But once again, as the show progresses, it gets worse. Jake becomes the oldest kid in his class because he fails so many times. He only gets to start middle school because “he’s too big for the desks in his class now”. A bit of a watered down Dudley Dursley now that I think about it. It feels that the older Jake gets, the dumber he is. He eventually joins the military because he is too daft to realise. (If I remember correctly, that was done only so Jake’s actor could leave the show because he pretty much realised how bad it was.)

The main reason why I hate this show so much, however, is its way of handling female characters. There’s a few prominent ones - the aforementioned Judith, Alan’s ex wife, a cold hearted manipulative bitch, that also follows the trope of “I’m breaking up with you because I’m a lesbian” for a while, but then it’s never addressed again, not even once. Then we have Alan and Charlie’s mother, Evelyn, also a cold hearted bitch lacking any motherly instincts whatsoever that the men blame for how they turned out. Honestly, I can kind of see it. There’s Rose, Charlie’s neighbour whom he had slept with once and who’s been obsessed with him ever since, following him pretty much wherever he goes and inappropriately visiting him, usually in order to chase any woman that gets close to him away. We have Berta, Charlie’s housekeeper that I would like to believe is there to show the differences between different classes, as she has a large family to take care of, fending of her daughters’ admirers and dealing with drug and alcohol issues. But at this point we all know she’s only there so we can laugh at her struggles and the witty remarks she likes to make.

A special category of women in this show are the lovers and girlfriends. All of them end up either leaving the men for someone better (good for them tbh), or getting left by them. But remember, we’re supposed to always be siding with the men. The women are there for us to laugh at and hate. Rose the stalker? The only reason Charlie never gets rid of her is so we can laugh as she appears unexpected on his balcony over and over again. Are her apparent mental health issues ever addressed? Maybe once, but as a joke. You know, the classic ha ha ha ha look an insane person that’s hilarious. Judith the ex wife and her flock of weird friends (that Charlie converts)? Look, evil wives hating men, ha ha ha ha. Better run away from there, men, or they’ll eat you alive! Ha ha ha ha. Judith wanting support from friends and claiming she deserves to be happy is played off as something we scoff at. Chelsea, Charlie’s girlfriend and fiancée? The ball and chain thing, similarly to Judith, but not nearly as manipulative - this one we can see really means well and wants to help Charlie, but he’s a Man™ and cannot handle that, despite claiming to love her very dearly. Lindsay, Alan’s on again, off again girlfriend? Oof. Where to even start with that one. As most of the characters (save for maybe Judith), she starts off decent, despite her inexplicable desire for Alan. (Seriously though what in the world is up with that.) Also, now that I mentioned Alan’s weird sex appeal (not to me but to the female characters of the show, ew), what the hell was up with Judith wanting to suddenly fuck him again and HIM ENDING UP BEING THE FATHER OF HER DAUGHTER???? Was that the point when the writers just said “you know what, fuck this” or?

Some additional things the men on the show did to women:

Infidelity. Aka “ha ha ha many women want man what a lucky bastard he gets to fuck many women ha ha ha oh no he’s been caught ha ha ha funny”.

Infidelity with their friends/family members. I’m pretty sure this happened multiple times. One of the male protagonists gets a girlfriend. Girlfriend has an attractive daughter. Man sleeps with daughter. Girlfriend is mad. Man claims that it is actually a compliment to her because the daughter is just a younger version of her. Man gets upset when girlfriend disagrees. Poor man, girlfriend mean :(((

Another thing I would like to point out is the show’s dumbass approach to sexuality and gender. It’s the age old, straight men bullshit that lesbians = hot, gay men = ew. We see that throughout the whole thing a bunch of times. Alan ends up marrying Walden (whom I will talk about as well) so they can scam an adoption agency. That’s just wrong, man. That’s awful. And regarding gender, the way this shitshow handles trans people is disgusting. I can currently only think of one instance of this, but I have a feeling it happened multiple times, but with Charlie and Alan. They meet a woman, flirt, sleep together, all fun and games. But for some god forsaken reason, after all is done, the woman decides to be like “yeah by the way I used to be a dude” and?? Why?? First of, why would any trans person want to tell anyone their deadname and other things after successfully transitioning? I’m a cis woman, but this really makes no sense to me. Please correct me if I’m wrong on this one, but if you’ve spent years trying to pass as whatever gender you identify with, transitioned, you wouldn’t exactly go around sleeping with people and afterwards telling them about it, would you? And second of all, the entire reason why these characters appear are so we can be like “eww he slept with someone who used to have a penis eww” and laugh as they have a small crisis because of it. Just. Why?? I am aware that this is a thing other shows do/have done as well, but it really bothers me. And even when the guy decides to roll with it, all we get are those jokes that the woman is “more manly” than him. I remember vividly Alan hooking up with a trans lady and briefly dating her, only so we can see her pick a fight with a man, pay for their food and shit and Alan being flustered because he feels like less of a man. Again, please correct me if I’m wrong since my knowledge of gender is limited, but I’m about 97 % sure this is not how it works.

One would have thought that most of this would end after Charlie’s death. His place is taken by Walden Schmidt, portrayed by the angel that is Ashton Kutcher, a “billionaire internet entrepreneur who has recently been divorced and is now suicidal” (wiki). Before I dig in to how it actually got worse, let’s talk about Walden for a while. He really is a nice change. Walden is a genuinely good character, we see him working super hard and treating women well and just being great. I actually like him. The problem the show has when it comes to him is treating his suicidal-ness as just another little joke. Ha ha ha man wants to die man weak. Funny. But as we get over this part (rather quickly tbh), things involving Walden get actually good (besides the part where he sleeps with Alan’s mother). We do see some annoyingly familiar divorce related things, but in contrast to Alan, we see Walden actually get back on his own two feet.

Alan will forever be my biggest issue with this show. I don’t know if he gets worse or if it’s just the contrast with Walden that makes it seem that way, but he becomes a bigger and bigger parasite, exploiting Walden’s kindness, becoming a lover to his, at that point, former girlfriend Lindsay and somehow exploiting her current boyfriend? He just goes haywire is what I’m trying to say.

I’m not saying that people like that don’t exist. We see it every day, the rich playboys, the pathetic incels. They are everywhere and we totally should talk about them. But not like this. We shouldn’t feel like we should sympathise with them, we shouldn’t hate those that try to criticise them, or those who want to get rid of them. We shouldn’t laugh when they hurt people around them. Men shouldn’t want to relate to them. Characters like this should be presented as something we should avoid becoming.

“What’s your problem? It’s just something I watch to unwind,” my father scoffs at me as I complain about yet another evening we all have to spend listening to the nonsense Two and Half Men brings us. Yea, maybe for you. Maybe you know better than to treat people around you, especially women, like they’re just something you can play around with and then throw into the sewers. Maybe you give everyone equal respect. (No he doesn’t, by the way.) But you know, with the way this TV channel plays this show over and over and over and over again (five episodes a day, every day, and the second they get to the end, they just start over), there’s probably a number of young people who don’t realise how wrong it is and take what’s said there as something to live by. Maybe they’ll think that it’s okay to use people to their advantage. Maybe they’ll think like a rich entitled middle aged straight white man. That’s my problem. Even though the show ended five years ago, it still lives on our televisions and it still gives us wrong examples on how to live our lives. That’s why I hate the show. Not just the awful writing and “plot” holes. It’s the way it treats people and presents it as something that’s totally fine.

#tv #television #tv shows #comedy #sitcom #two and half men #jon cryer #ashton kutcher #charlie sheen #sexism #misogyny

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pennysword · 4 years

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An Ode to My Hero Academia

Okay, like every anime fan, I've fallen into the My Hero Academia hole and can't get up... and that's not a bad thing.

I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't on the fanwagon when My Hero Academia landed on American shores in 2016. I was two years out of college and the only thing I cared about was finding a nine-to-five that paid my bills and kept my mom from telling me to do something with my life. I was also deep in the pit of post college depression, wherein I'd moved away from all my friends and thought myself too socially awkward and weird to be able to make new ones. That's something a lot of us deal with, I think, especially when we're forced out of our comfort zones.

I am a shojo romantic at heart. Most shonen don't really hook me emotionally the way shojos do. And if it does hook me, it's set in a world so fantastical and so bizarre that my interest wanes before long and I would forget the plot all together. When I did delve back into manga or anime (decreasingly so once I got my first adult job at twenty-three), I wanted to wrap myself in the blanket of the tropes that were comfortable to me: a wallflower female lead with surprising feistiness and sense of justice, a beautiful male lead like prince from a fairy tale, a second lead who would do anything for your affection. These stories were mostly set in the real world, even if they didn't make sense sometimes, I could make excuses because I loved the idea of shojo so much more than disliking the flaws.

While a lot of my friends watch anime religiously, I'm more of a casual fan (which is really a nightmare to otakus, who expect you to know every single canon, fanon, and side canon that has ever existed). I remember my first encounter with the show was equally as casual. My friend explained to me it's general concept while waiting in line for my badge at ACEN 2017. “It's about superheroes! There's this girl who is literally a frog! An ostentatious personification of America! When people cosplay this other character they wear a green zentai suit because she's supposed to be invisible and that's funny!”

Fresh off the tails of One Punch Man, which came out in 2015, I thought it was the same concept and I rolled my eyes. I knew that anime followed trends, like most things in the world: one year psychic-mecha anime was what everyone wanted to do and the next, post apocalyptic themes were all the rage. So I thought My Hero Academia was just another One Punch Man, a self-referential, satirical comedy about heroes who knew how ridiculous their own genre was. I'd seen it once and wasn't really interested in seeing it again.

My second encounter with My Hero was a bit more personal. It was 2019 and I was taking my eight-year-old cousin to her first anime convention ever. Her family has always been a little more conservative, being Jehovah's Witnesses and living in one of the most right wing cities in Mid Michigan... and I was thrilled when she confessed to me that she enjoyed shonen-ai, that her mom had bought her a complete set of Sailor Moon manga, and that she wanted to borrow my own personal manga collection for reading. There was only a four month turn around, but I made her a janky cosplay and drove her to Kalamazoo for one day of their local convention, Dokidokon, wherein she pointed out someone cosplaying her favorite character, Shoto Todoroki from My Hero Academia.

At this point I had the base knowledge that my friend had given me at ACEN two years prior, but I just couldn't follow what my cousin was saying. After she shyly asked for a picture with the cosplayer, she explained to me why she shipped this character with that character and why that other character was a jerk... I couldn't understand any of it. And I realized that I had missed something much more important than hopping on the fanwagon of one of the greatest anime of its time... I'd missed an opportunity to connect further with my little cousin, someone who was just beginning to sprout seeds of her own ideas and her own interests, separate from her religiously zealous mother and her perpetually aloof father. I had missed a chance to truly enjoy her happiness, to witness her excitement when she saw her favorite characters pop out of the television screen and manifest themselves before her, alive and in the flesh... and just as heroic as their two dimensional counterparts.

That fall, I watched the first episode of My Hero Academia on my morning elliptical workout and my life was changed.

I mentioned before that one of the reasons I have a difficult time connecting with the shonen genre is the fantastical worlds that I cannot relate to. For instance, I can apply logic to the world of Naruto in my head, but it never seems real like it could be real to me. I always find myself questioning social structure, in-world history, and the story's depiction of the human condition. There's always a nagging voice in my head that refutes all of these pretend worlds in shonen... but My Hero is set in a world not unlike our own. In fact, aside from his green hair, the main character seemed like someone I might have known in middle school: a small, meek nerd type who is always scribbling something in his journal, always knew more than he was letting on... someone you wanted as a friend, whether you realized it or not. Izuku Midoriya as a character is as close to the shojo trope of a wallflower main lead as you could get. When we meet him, he's quirkless and is often bullied for by his childhood frienemy, Katsuki Bakugou. He's kinda squirrely, kinda spazzy, but feels like a grounded character because his golden heart is his most defining attribute. Midoriya has no illusions about what he is. He knows he's weak. He knows that people look down on him. But he is just… good. His goodness is infallible and his goodness rings true in everything he does, including when he risks his life to save said bully in episode two.

Conversely, while Midoriya is full of impressionistic verve, Bakugou turns the tables on the typical second lead shonen stereotype because he's not some edgelord that wants revenge for his slaughtered family. He actually has both parents at home and lives in a nice house and neighborhood. He doesn't have some kind of revenge fantasy playing in his head on his journey to become the best hero... he's just a fucking dick. A dick with a chip on his shoulder because his whole life people have told him that he's the better than his peers... and when Midoriya proves to Bakugou that natural talent isn't everything, he must grapple with the idea that world wasn't everything he thought it was.

Midoriya doesn't automatically become a cool kid after attaining his quirk from his idol, All Might, either. He doesn't stop being socially awkward. Midoriya still nerds out when it comes to All Might and he still takes copious notes on every hero he encounters, his classmates or otherwise. Midoriya has a goal but he doesn't have a grand plan. There's no shortcut to the end, only day after day of hard work and determination and figuring shit out on his own. Since he is the protagonist, we see the reasoning behind everything he does and this fact grounds the world of My Hero Academia for me. We see Midoriya fail and win and fail again, but we never stop rooting for him because we know he is smarter and more capable than his awkwardness allows him to show the world.

We follow Midoriya during some of the darkest times of his life, including when he learns that he would never develop a quirk. What hurt him more than the doctor delivering this news was his mother's fervent apologies rather than words of encouragement. Because even without a quirk, Midoriya could have done anything he wanted to, had he had the support of his family. In shonen anime the parents are usually convenient plot devices or they are dead. In My Hero, though, Midoriya has a close and communicative relationship with his mother. One of the more powerful scenes involving Inko Midoriya is when she refuses to let Midoriya go back to his dream school despite his protests. She explains that, first and foremost, she is his mother and her duty is to keep him safe. When I see this scene I always choke up because this is how humans act and I don't think I've seen it in another shonen before. I hear the common argument, “Well, he's training to become a hero. He's gonna get hurt.” as a justification of why Inko should be fine with Midoriya's broken bones. And while logistically that may be true, we know that most parents wouldn't feel that way. It makes sense as a narrative, given what we know about Midoriya and Inko's relationship.

Something I also love about this series is that every character has a fail stop, a logical reason why they aren't as OP as possible: if Todoroki uses his right side too much he gets frostbite and if he abuses his left he gets burned. If Ururaka overexerts her Zero Gravity, she gets motion sickness. Even All Might, Midoriya's mentor and the strongest hero in the world™, cannot be in his hero form for more than three hours a day. Every character must learn to recognize and live with their shortcomings, because even heroes need to find their place in the universe... and rely on those who fill the empty spaces around them. Because this show, despite it's taglines and ultimate moves, thrives on the logic of balance, of give and take accepting that no one can go at it completely alone, I realized that it was nothing like the aforementioned anime. It was so much more.

Like my friend told me three years ago, on a surface My Hero Academia is about superheroes. It's about capes and costumes and training montages and redemption arcs and all the things that we nerds love... But beneath the surface, My Hero Academia is about recognizing your own power. Izuku Midoriya isn't a hero because he inherited All Might's quirk. He's a hero because, to the very marrow in his bones, he does what is right. Izuku strives to be better than his own self doubt and the world telling him he's not good enough, even though most times he ends up crying his eyes out. He embodies the will to succeed that we all have within us when we find our passions, whether it be beginning your fitness journey with some anime on the elliptical, bagging that nine-to-five job, or something more substantial, like training, despite the odds, to become a hero who saves people with a smile on his face.

#my hero academia #boku no academia #anime #plus ultra

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