#because ilove him too much to leave him. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

flem17ng · 4 months

Text

Pretty girl: KCC x reader

keep on pretending, pretty girl

note: here it is! I may have made myself cry writing this

summary: Kyra is straight. She has liked boys since she was little. She had boyfriends all through high school. She is straight. At least she thought she was... but then she met you.

warnings: internalized homophobia kinda, Kyra being a cutie, angst (Sorry), the effects of the lesbian master dock, happy ending (Because i Ilove ya'll)

word count: 4.8k

"Kyra!" you yelled from across the dance floor, "come dance with me!" She hesitated for a second before moving towards you. It wasn't normal for her to think twice about dancing with her best friend but recently she had been getting weird feelings every time she saw you, or was near you... especially when she was near you.

The club was crowded with sweaty couples, all twirling together in time to the pounding music. Kyra finally reached you and you danced. some mindless pop ballad that neither of you knew the words to. You watched her dance, one hand in the air, grinning like a maniac and giggling. She was absolutely gorgeous like always.

"how much have you had to drink ky?" you asked with a smirk as she moved closer to you.

"huh? nothinggg" she slurred, proving her point moot. You knew she was drunk, she only got touchy when she was drunk and now she had a hand on your waist was was slowly dancing into your personal space. Maybe if you were smart you would confront her about this, but you weren't. On the contrary, you were utterly and completely in love with her. So instead you pushed her off you gently, grabbed her hand, and subtly started pulling her towards the door. You weren't smart but you were wise enough not to let her get ahead of herself. Your best friend was straight, you knew you had no chance, it would be torture to let yourself pretend while she was like this.

"come on ky ky, let's get you home" You opened the club door for her and let her walk onto the street.

"it's so pretty tonight!" she exclaimed, looking up at the Sydney city lights before turning to you, "you are so pretty tonight" she giggled. You tried to ignore the way your heart stuttered at her words and her drunken smirk. It helped to remember that she didn't mean it. Kyra walked towards you with a cheeky grin, placing her hands on your shoulders.

"you are the prettiest girl in the world! you know that right" she laughed. you just frowed and looked at the ground.

"come on. You're drunk. I'll get you an Uber." You took out your phone and started typing when you felt her lean forward and press a quick kiss to your cheek. You wished it was easier to fall out of love with someone, but it wasn't. Especially when that someone was Kyra. Kyra with her perfect teeth, her tanned skin, and her warm eyes. Kyra who sent you 'good morning texts' and knew your coffee order off by heart. Kyra was standing on a street in Sydney on a Saturday night with the prettiest smile. Kyra who was straight.

When the Uber finally arrived Kyra pouted. "I don't wanna leave you," she whined and you smiled at her before paying the Uber driver and giving her a quick hug.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Text me when you get home ok?" She nodded and gave you a drunken wave before getting into the car and driving off.

***

Kyra woke up with a headache and three text messages.

2:45am:

Y/N: Get home safe?

6:30am:

Y/N: hey ky. I dropped some painkillers at your door! I hope the hangover isn't too bad :)

tinder: you matched with Tom G! Message him to get a conversation started.

Kyra groaned. The odd feeling in her chest was back. It was like a flipping fluttering feeling that seemed to appear only with you. It would be a pleasant feeling if it wasn't mixed with the plummeting sensation of dread, confusion, and (weirdly) guilt. She clicked on the notification from Tinder first. The guy wasn't bad-looking, he had similar hobbies. But as Kyra looked through his photos again, she couldn't help but think he looked a little bit like her best friend... she closed her phone. She didn't have training that day so there was no reason she would have to bump into you. It wasn't that she didn't want to spend time you you! But she knew she got ahead of herself when she was drunk. She says things she shouldn't, and she gets touchy. She knows this because she does it on purpose: always acting more drunk than she is, leaning into you, batting her eyelids, and knowing she'll get away with it. She knows you won't call her up on it.

Maybe she would meet up with that Tom guy anyway. Why the hell not? She was young and single, and straight and so was this guy. She was sure of all those things! So why did she feel so horrible when she opened up her phone again, ignoring your texts and tapping on the Tinder app?

Kyra: Hey x

Tom G: Hi :)

***

"Y/n you can't just let her do this to you" Ellie groaned as she took another large gulp of her coffee. It had been a few weeks since the club with Kyra and ever since, she had been cold and distant, making up lame excuses about seeing some new guy. It was a cycle that was familiar at this point: Kyra was your best friend, you were her pretty girl, she gets drunk, she flirts, she gets cold, hooks up with a few guys, and then comes back to gossip about it. Unfortunately, Ellie had been there to see it all.

"Look I know! but I just can't help it ok! When she wants me I..."

Ellie's expression softened with understanding. As much as she wished she could snap you out of it and point you in the direction of literally any other woman, she knew it would never work.

"you know my opinion on this. Drunk words are sober thoughts and all that." she shot you a sad smile.

"Yes well. her sober thoughts right now are all about some guy called Tom." you rolled your eyes. Stupid Tom and his stupid XY chromosomes. You chewed your muffin with an aggressive frown. Ellie shook her head letting you finish your bite so you could continue.

"And besides. Yes! maybe she is gay. but she certainly doesn't know that does she. What's the point Ellie?" you sighed. "she only wants me when she's drunk. in the morning it's like nothing happened"

"Look I don't know what you want me to say! You need to get your mind off her. Go hook up with someone" Ellie rolled her eyes. She was terribly supportive but there was only so much delusion she could take in one morning.

"See I would... but she's asked me to come round for a movie tonight" Ellie just groaned. You could never pull yourself away from Kyra, no matter how much you tried. It wasn't like you did try though. you drank the rest of your coffee, feeling suddenly like a bum on a bar stool.

"You're too young to look so hopeless! You're attractive, and queer in Sydney for god's sake!" She laughed, giving you a playful slap on the arm. You knew she was right even if you would never tell her she was. Your phone buzzed.

Ky 🤍: can't wait to see you! I have to tell you about Tom ;)

"Jesus Christ I'm pathetic" You covered your face with your hands dramatically.

"Correct! Now finish your muffin so we can pay and leave please."

***

Kyra rushed forward into a hug when you arrived at her door a few hours later. She was dressed in a loose pajama top and shorts and her hair was in a messy bun with strands out to frame her face. You wished you could greet her with a kiss, or run your hands through her hair... Instead, you returned the hug, handed over the bag containing ice cream and snacks, and walked into the apartment like a friend would.

"I missed you!" Kyra shouted from the kitchen as she put the icecream in the freazer, "I feel like i havnt seen you in forever"

You swallowed back a remark about kyra ignoring you for days and choosing some guy over you and instead followed her into the kitchen with a grin.

"I missed you too Ky! How have you been?" you knew better than to bring up your last outing to the club. She would brush it off with a joke or get cold like she always did.

"Well... Tom took me Bowling the other day! It was so romantic" She giggled, grabbing her phone to show you a picture of the two of them at the bowling lane. You swallowed hard and nodded supportively.

The night wore on relatively the same: you talked and laughed and gossiped about your friends. Kyra was only about 2 wine glasses in when she started feeling weird again. Maybe it was the way your hair was sitting or the way the light was hitting your face... Either way, she needed to be close to you. On the couch she cuddled up to you, resting her head on your chest while some movie played on mute in the background. When she closed her eyes and listened she could hear your heartbeat under her head, slow and steady. The movie, a rom-com, must have been coming to an end as the two characters finally got together in a scene that might have been heartwarming if either of you had been playing attention to the plot.

"Y/n?" Kyra asked suddenly.

"hmm?" You had let yourself relax a little into the sofa as the night wore on and now rested a hand on top of her head gently.

"I dont want Tom to be my boyfriend" she whispered, so quiet you almost didnt catch it.

"I thought he was romantic? and smart and handsom?" you asked, looked down to were kyra lay with her eyes squeezed shut on your chest.

"I don't know i..." Kyra opened her eyes and looked up, your faces suddenly very close together. "I don't want him to be close to me like you are" She admitted, her voice sounding vulnerable.

"He woldnt be! It would be different. He would kiss you and all that." you responded confused. Kyra had had boyfriends before, she knew what that relationship entailed.

"But I want to do that stuff with you!" She smiled moving her face even closer so your noses brushed. You felt your heart drop. You had hoped the evening wouldn't take this direction mostly because you wanted to save yourself the pain.

"Kyra..." you breathed. You knew this is when you should pull away, push her off you, and tell her to sort herself out. Instead, you just squeezed your eyes closed in hopes that she could sober up and stop playing with your feelings. "You know it hurts me when you do this Ky..."

"I don't want to hurt you" She whispered and you could hear the cheeky smirk on her lips. You could feel her wine breath on your own mouth. God why was it so hard. You opened your eyes, only to find her still close enough to touch. Her eyes sparkled and her cheeks were flushed from the alcohol. She was looking at your lips and you knew the kiss was coming before she even leaned in.

It was sloppy and one-sided. You refused to kiss her back despite how much you wanted to, despite the way your heart raced at the feel of her warm lips on yours. She tried to deepen it when you placed a hand on her shoulder and pushed her away softly.

"Enough. Time for bed"

"But you taste so good" Kyra giggled with a pout pulling on her rosey cheeks. You swallowed and shook your head. You had let it go too far, you needed to stop, you needed to leave before you did something stupid like let her kiss you again.

"Tom wouldn't mind me kissing you silly" She laughed finally rolling to the other side of the couch to let you stand up. You felt your eyes sting a little. You wouldn't cry in front of her, you wouldn't let yourself be comforted by her.

"I don't want you to kiss me Ky. Just go to bed now" You didn't wait to see her pout at you because you knew your resolve wouldn't last if you did. Instead, you turned on your heel, grabbed your bag, and headed out of the apartment.

***

9:45am

Ky 🤍: Oh man I drank way more than I thought last night! I can't remember anything from after we turned on the movie lol

You rolled your eyes when you saw the notification. At this point, you could predict the fallout of every possible flirty Kyra situation based on her first text of the day. She wasn't a lightweight, she knew how to hold her liquor so the part about not remembering anything was nothing short of a blatant lie and you knew it. Maybe a year ago, hell maybe even a month ago, you would have let her get away with her bullshit, but not now. Yes, you loved her but you loved her when she was just being herself, not some character she pretended to be. Maybe that's what made it so painful: not because of what she did when she was drunk but because deep down you knew that she knew exactly what she was doing while she was doing it. She knew what she was doing when she kissed you, she knew what she was doing when she told you she wanted to be with you...

You needed space, no matter how much it hurt. So you ignored her text. And her call that came later. And her offer to get coffee the next day.

1:05am

Ky 🤍: I miss you pretty girl ;)

That notification was soon replaced with:

Ky 🤍 Deleted one (1) message

A few days latter and kyra stopped trying to call. Part of you was thankful... But most of you just wanted to cry. It was self preservation mostly and Ellie agreed it was the right thing to do. But you couldnt help but feel you would loose your best friend if carried on ghosting her.

10:30 am

Ky 🤍: Tom asked me to be his girlfriend btw.

That was when you really did cry: Hot heavy tears that seemed like they would never end. The tears brought with them a horrible emptiness and you mourned not only your friendship but that delusional part of yourself that still believed that one day Kyra would realize you were there for her all along.

11:00 am

Y/n: Thats great Kyra! sorry I've been off grid for a while :)

You hated yourself as soon as you pressed send. But it was Kyra, and no matter how bad it hurt you were there for her. It wasn't her fault you had a silly crush on her after all. You bit down another sob that threatened to break free. here you were again, making excuses for her.

11:05 am

Ky 🤍: SHE'S ALIVE!! come to the bar tonight to meet him? pleaaseee

Y/n: I'll be there.

***

"Y/n I didnt think we'd be seeing you here tonight" ellie called from the booth that was already very full with the rest of your group. Ellie shot you a knowing look as kyra shot up from her seat to great you with a bear hug.

"Well... I needed to meet the mystery man didn't i?" you tried for a smile but it came out all forced and wrong.

"Come on! Sit next to me. I already got you a drink" Kyra shot you a winning smile as she turned back to the table. You couldn't help but smile at the spring in her step.

Tom sat on her otherside seemingly unaware of the subtle tension between his new girlfriend and yourself. Maybe the tension was in your head you bagan to think...

But then you felt a cool hand rest on your thigh and you knew it wasnt. Kyras hand was hidden by the table but you could feel it: Resting on your bare leg, slightly too high to be friendly. You ignored it at first, taking another sip of your coke, laughing at something sam was saying.

But then she gave your leg a squeeze and you felt your breath hitch. Her fingers absent-mindedly began fiddling with the hem of your dress. You shot her a look but she wasn't even looking in your directing.

Already you caught yourself making her excuses: she was nervous, she was a little drunk and did not realize what she was doing, and she was a touchy person by nature (this was true).

"You are my favorite. You know that don't you" You flinched when you felt her hot breath tickle your kneck. You had been so engrossed with your thoughts that you hadn't even noticed her leaning towards you to whisper in your ear.

"Please get off me Kyra," you said, a little loudly making Ellie and Sam look at you with concern. Kyra's smirk dropped into a genuine frown.

"What?" She didn't sound drunk now. You turned to face her, a knot forming in your throat. You couldn't hurt yourself like this, not when her boyfriend was sitting at the same table. Not when you had spent every day since you were 14 falling in love with her.

"I said, Get off me" You pushed her hand off your thigh and stood up suddenly. It was too hot in the bar, too crowded. You turned and almost ran towards the door, needing to get away from Kyra's shocked face, Tom's stupid smirk and drawling voice, and Ellie's pitying expression. No sooner had you exited the bar did you head her run after you.

"What the fuck was that about Y/n?" she shouted, looking disheveled and shocked. You could have laughed.

"What was that about? I could bloody well ask you the same thing. Has it ever occurred to you once, that I'm more than just your drunken experiment" you yelled back, "I mean really Kyra! We're experts at this little dance by now."

"What are you talking about?" you really did laugh then, only to stop the hot tears waiting to burst.

"you get drunk and you want me. I'm your favorite, I'm your pretty girl, I'm the most beautiful person in the world. And then the next day I'm what? nothing? your best friend?" The tears start rolling now, making it hard to breathe but you need to get this all out. It's been welling in your chest for years, building pressure and heat and now you need to let it go.

"So what is it ky? Do you love me like you say or is it just the wine? or sorry, is it Burbon today I didn't ask." you knew it was cruel, especially as you saw the understanding in her eyes. "I'm done with this. I'm done with you. I can't keep wasting my love on you when you can't even return it." Your cheeks felt hot despite the cool breeze and your heart raced.

"Y/n he's not my boyfriend... he asked but I said no," she said quietly as if that was a balm.

"Who cares Kyra? because if it's not him it's some other man. It's anyone but me. or at least until you get a couple drinks in." Kyra was definitely sober now if she wasn't before. Her expression was somewhere between guilt, anger, and hurt. You wished you would hold her, kiss her, and make it all better but it wasn't possible.

"I do... I do love you like I say when I'm... drunk," she muttered to the floor. "I just- I need to figure it out. being with Tom it's like-"

"pretending. It's pretending Kyra." there was no anger left in you now, just sadness. Kyra loved you but she wouldn't face up to it without being knockout drunk and what was worse? you had wasted all your love on her.

"Y/n I love you though"

"Stop. You're being mean" a sob escaped you, "Just keep on pretending. I can't wait around for you to figure yourself out." You took a couple steps backward, suddenly feeling deja vu from the last time you found yourself outside a club on the street with Kyra. She must have had the same thought because she looked up at the city lights, the colours bouncing off her wet cheeks. Before she could look back at you and break your heart more, you turned and walked up the street, hoping she had the sense not to follow you.

***

You didn't talk for months. 3 Months and 2 weeks to be exact but who was counting? Kyra broke up with Tom that night without hesitation. She knew what the weird feeling she got when she was around you know. She had been so scared so so long it felt weird to put a label on the emotion. She loved you. Was in love with you to be exact. And as far as she knew, you hated her. All she could think about was how broken you had looked as you shouted at her. You looked so tired and hopeless and it was all because she hadn't realised how she was affecting you. It was just fun, drinking a little as an excuse to be close to you. She knew kissing you at her house that day was a mistake but it's all she wanted to do.

"Kyra you messed up mate. You're really in the doghouse." Sam stated from the other side of the couch while Kyra cried yet again. All she seemed to do now was cry.

"Is she dating anyone?" She asked. sam just shook her head and didn't answer. She had already told both of you that she wasn't going to be the middle man of this mess.

"I know it's hard to face up to these feelings ok? But remember what she told you? You need to figure yourself out before you try to make things right."

"It was hard for me too" Kristie rubbed her back as she entered the room, "I mean things are pretty uptight where I come from and I just wanted to fit in. I know that isn't quite the issue for you but-" she shrugged "For me it helped to remember that life is too short to give a shit about whether you like a boy or a girl."

"I like girls" Kyra stated (It had taken a long time and a lot of girls in red music videos to realise it but now she was dead certain), "But I don't just... I love her." She deadpanned, looking up at Kristie. "That's so scary..."

Sam shrugged again, "It's scary sure, but from the sounds of it she feels the same"

Kyra snorted, "Well maybe she did before I fucked it all up."

"Look man, she isn't going to be the one to reach out to you. No matter how much she loves you, that girl is stubborn as hell. You need to be the one the make amends." Kyra nodded.

She loved you and she knew that now. She loved the way you teased her for her bad jokes, she loved the way you smiled and sang in the shower. She loved to way you squinted your eyes when watching a movie. She missed you. And she knew now that she was a damn fool for thinking any differently.

***

The past few months had been rough to say the very least on the matter. You had taken Ellie's advice and gone out to a few clubs, hooked up with women whose names you can't remember, and tried your best to forget about Kyra. Every other morning you seemed to be waking up in a bed that wasn't yours, and every morning without fail you felt a deep hole in your chest like something had been wrenched out of place. You wanted her, yes, but you needed security more and that was something she wasn't able to give you. Not if she wasn't even able to admit she was gay.

That morning, exactly 3 months, 2 weeks, and one day since you last saw Kyra you felt as though you might finally have forgiven her. Sure you were upset and hurt and embarrassed, and you were sure as hell done making excuses for her; But at the end of the day, Kyra was your best friend and, if your recent escapades had taught you anything, she was also the love of your life.

The knock came at your door when you were halfway through your third cup of coffee for the morning. It startled you enough to leave you swearing and rubbing your hand where you spilled the drink.

"Coming!" you yelled, dropping the cup off in the kitchen before padding barefoot towards the door, expecting the mailman or a delivery. When you opened the door to see Kyra you were glad you had already put your mud down or you would have dropped it again.

"Kyra?" her name felt weird on your tongue, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," She said simply, stepping in and shutting the door softly behind her.

"You could have texted"

"No, I- I needed to talk to you"

"Well. You're talking now" You couldn't help but be a little aloof, you had no idea where to conversation was going to go. Kyra took your statement as permission to continue.

"Can we sit please?" You nodded and led her over the the kitchen where she sat on one of the bar stools. You stayed standing, leaning your hip on the counter.

"I'm sorry" she blurted before you could say anything, "I'm sorry for treating you like shit and for ignoring your feelings, I'm sorry it took me so long to figure myself out. I'm sorry I pushed all these guys in your face like I had something to prove to you. Most of all I'm sorry I didn't tell you how I felt sooner because maybe we wouldn't have gotten into this mess in the first place." She took a breath and rubbed her palms on her thighs nervously.

"The truth is that all those times I flirted with you and stepped over the line... I was not drunk at least not like I acted to be. It was a confidence boost I needed to say what I was thinking, what I am always thinking. I've realised now that I've loved you for years, maybe longer. I knew I felt different towards you than I did others but it was so scary."

You nodded, feeling a knot of emotion form in your throat. Here she was, after months of not talking, saying all the things you had been longing for.

"And I know that it's going to take some time to trust me again" Kyra looked into your eyes now, feeling more confident, "But Y/n I love you so much it hurts. I'm done pretending ok? I'm yours." She smiled softly, "If you'll have me that is."

You watched her fiddle with her fingers for a second before opening your mouth.

"Kyra you have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear you say that." She smiled at you and your heart skipped its familiar beat at the sight. "You're right, I'll need time but..." You stood up straight and walked towards where she sat, "I want this so bad Ky."

You stepped in between her legs and cupped her face between your hands. You watched her eyes go a little wider and her cheeks go pink. You felt her heart speed up under your fingers and for the first time, it was you leaning in to kiss her. Her lips were soft and warm and minty. Her breath was hot and clear against your skin. She wrapped her arms around your waist and sighed against your lips making you giggle. You ran your fingers through her hair like you always wanted to and pulled back slowly. Kyra's eyes were still closed, a small smile on her swollen lips.

"You're the prettiest girl in the world Kyra. You know that right?" Kyra opened her eyes and smiled her perfect smile and your chest filled with a wave of warmth. You would take it slow with her, careful... but in that moment it was everything just to be near her and she felt the very same.

You leaned forward and wrapped your arms around her tightly. You just needed to hold her, to keep her there so she wouldn't leave. As if she read your mind, Kyra moved your hair and planted a small kiss on the side of your neck.

"I'm not going. I promise" she whispered and pressed another feather-light kiss under your ear. Maybe you were a fool, maybe you were an idiot, maybe you were just stupidly in love with this girl. Whatever it was you knew she was telling the truth. Kyra Cooney-Cross was done pretending.

#kyra cooney cross #kyra cooney cross x reader #woso x reader #matildas x reader #arsenal wfc

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iqmmir · 3 months

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OH MY GOODNESS THE SILLY POLYCULE ILOVE THEM . . . i like mitsuha shes so cool :] do they have like. a getting together story or smth :o ? since aki and mitsuha went on killing dates . . . does my question make sense

Mitsuba number one coolest in the polycule everyone agrees <3 most of the backstories are based in conanversw, and im too lazy to change most details noww.. even if you think the backstories are cringe, remember it's by mimi so it's awesome 🎉

Aki was part of this organisation that does illegal stuff,, and mitsuha is the younger sister of one of the organisation's targets, and aki was sent for investigations and stuff,, and began 'dating' her for investigation reasons

Mitsuha is like a shonen protagonist she goes thru ten billion arcs everyday, and she has ten billion things wrong with her 🩷 shes very smart and she knows that aki does not rlly like her and he's part of the organisation and everything . Mitsuha knows everything .

Mitsuha also has no friends and is very lonely so honestly she does not care if aki actually likes her or not,, she does not open up to anyone ever (result of ten billion shonen arcs) including aki . but aki is not used to people his age and he wants to actually get to know her

yumi and hiiro (they are dating) are their classmates in school and yumi has had a crush on mitsuha forever but mitsuha is very intimidating, so shes scared to talk to her . Also mitsuha rarely ever goes to school .

After aki comes he is all 'damn bitch you live like this' and drags her to school and stuff, so she gets proper human connection and doesn't rot in her house . yumi talks to aki first then talks to mitsuha,, they slowly start becoming friends and also yuri begins 🩷

hiiro also gets to know them, mitsuha initially finds hiiro more easy to talk to, and they also start becoming close friends .

Soon everyone is dating mitsuha 🎉 and also yumi and hiiro get closw with aki and everyone starts dating 🎉🎉

aki is still part of the organisation and there are people who want to kill him,, and mitsuha and him go on dates so they can kill those people first

hiiro wants eveyone to be happy and doesnt want aki to keep getting attacked, so aki decides to leave the organisation because he loves his boyfriend sooooo much 🩷

most of the dates mitsuha and aki have is them running away from organisation people when aki wants to leave the organisation and killing them 🩷 yumi finds it very fun, but she's not good at aiming and stuff, so they try to keep her and hiiro (who is bad at aimimg and also is very scared) safe

Then the organisation begins to leave them alone and they begin their slice of life manga arc which lasts forever and ever 🔆

#.asks ❜#.elie ❜#mimi oc

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amaranthine-enihtnarama · 1 year

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Feel Alright (Goku x Reader)

(it’s going to be more fun that it sounds; manic pixie dream BOY, s3x; crushes, grief, hiding the past; friendships; jealousy; slow burn; “friends”; healing; growing; will-they-won’t-they; tension baby!!!!; canon blender)

taglist: @ilove-evanpeters @moonyscardigans @twinshii @raspberryhaterade @iwenttoshiratorizawa @uselessdoodlesdude @ferneskin @burneraccountant @bellaisasleep @arougeme @aurorarevenclaw1927 @applecandy14 @fingersnapples @langdoncult @loona-thebadchild @anlin2058

TW: Mature content in this chapter! (I’m leaving y’all well fed for thanksgiving) Also a little bit of angst!

If you’d like to join the taglist, click here and add a like!

When Bellatrix moves to the city after a personal tragedy under the wing of her friend Bulma, her life is completely turned around after she leaves everyone—including herself-stunned with the discovery of her own powers. Suddenly she finds herself swept up in a world of aliens, new bizarre planets and training, along with prospects of romance. One problem, though; she can’t leave the past to answer the new life that’s knocking at her door.

𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖘 (((𝖔(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)𝖔)))♡: part one : 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 / part two: 8 9 10 11 12 13 14

Inspired by @sevenstarsinning ‘s fic “Sweat”! Go check it out!

part five | home again

“Blood?”

I nodded again, hugging my blanket tighter around me.

“Blood. Like, a period, maybe.”

“But you—“

“Yeah, I know, I know, I’ve never had one,” I said with a slight frown, “I’m freaked the fuck out.”

“You’re not bleeding anymore, are you?”

I shook my head even though I was on the phone.

“Are you?”

“Oh—uh, no. But…that’s not it. I think Goku smelled it.”

“Oh, gross—I don’t actually want to know about how you and Goku fuck.”

“Bulma, we haven’t fucked! He was nowhere near my crotch. He just said he could smell something good, and then his behavior did a total one-eighty. I had to fend him off until whatever happened to him went away!”

She was quiet for a moment. “He didn’t hurt you at all, did he?”

I was taken aback by the question. “Bulma, come on. It’s Goku.”

“Did he?”

I shook my head despite the fact I was on the phone.

“Bels?”

“Oh—uh—no. Of course not. Goku was still very gentle with me, even then. He’s always gentle with me. He’s…always very kind and sweet.”

Bulma’s giggle let me know the tense moment had passed. I chuckled, rolling my eyes.

“Kind and sweet, huh?”

“Bulma,” I warned.

“What? Look, I’m not pushing anything, but Goku’s great. And you like each other! You can’t become some kind of spinster just because your ex was awful—I mean, some new action would probably be good for you!”

“I don’t think Goku’s not great, but…”

I sighed heavily, leaning against the headboard.

“It’s just…being back here, all the memories, all this new stuff…there’s so much changing so fast. I don’t know if I can handle Goku, too.”

“Why not let Goku be new stuff too? Your heart can’t heal if you hold on the past.”

“Bulma, I’m just not ready to go through that again. Things were great with Delilah in the beginning too, and look where that led.”

“Goku’s not—“

I inhaled sharply.

“Look, I know he’s an old friend and you feel you know him inside and out—but love changes people. When you’re heart’s genuinely touched, your fear, your resentment, your old pain, they all come back. We think we know ourselves, and what we would and wouldn’t do, but love changes us down to our very atom; who we are with and without love are two different people. It’s like meeting a whole new person, and I don’t want to meet the other person that’s inside him…or remember the other person inside myself.”

There was silence on her end of the line. I sighed, rubbing my forehead.

“I just…it’s only been what, four, five months now? I’m not ready. Okay?”

“Okay Bels, I hear you. I understand.”

I nodded, slumping. “Thank you. Okay, let’s forget all that—you obviously have a Saiyan situation going on.”

I grinned at the sound of Bulma sighing.

“Yeah, yeah, there kinda is,” she admitted.

“I can hear you smiling, you know—quit trying to act cool, it’s me.”

“Ugh, fine…it’s fucking amazing.”

I laughed as she made a little squeal and shifted around.

“Okay, okay, so basically, he was being an idiot per usual and overdid it in the gravity chamber.”

“Oh, so he’s still an idiot, huh?”

“Since when isn’t Vegeta an idiot?”

With a chuckle, I shook my head, leaving my bedroom and going to the kitchen.

“Okay, so he injured himself, and what happened next?”

“Well, I started finding myself keeping watch over him, and worrying a little about him…he had these nightmares often, so I’d stay while he slept…just, ‘cause…you know…”

I couldn’t help the smile plastered on my face.

“Bulma!”

“Don’t make it weird,” she insisted, “It’s not—“

“Bulma, please, I’ve never heard you talk about a guy like that before! Not even that Yamcha guy you wrote about, and he fucking died.”

“Well the son of a bitch cheated on me,” she said, “Funnily enough, Vegeta—oh.”

I paused from pouring my orange juice, raising a brow.

“Oh?”

“So…I haven’t told you much about Vegeta, have I?”

“Oh, no.”

“No, no, it’s not that—okay, it’s pretty bad.”

***

“Look, all I’m saying is, if I were you, I’d have some qualms about getting involved with a definite war criminal.”

“He’s not—he isn’t a war criminal!”

“Have you made sure?”

“Bels, you don’t get it—Saiyans are a warrior race, they’re all about power and battles and violence. Goku’s an anomaly.”

“No,no, I’ve grasped that; I’m just saying I wouldn’t fuck a crazy person.”

“Oh, he’s not—“

I gave her an incredulous look, and she sighed, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, I guess that’s fair.”

“Mhm.”

I shook my head and looked out the window, frowning at the scenery below. The last time I saw, there was ice, then ocean, but now we were flying over lush green hills I didn’t recognize. By my memory, we should’ve reached the city by now.

“Where on earth are we, by the way?”

“Uh—just visiting a friend. There’s someone I’d like you to meet. I think he could help you with your power.”

I tensed. “I told you I didn’t want—“

“Look, if you can’t at least control yourself we’re all gonna fucking die, so just do this for me, okay?!”

My eyes widened as she blurted out her argument, and I was humbled into silence.

“Hmph.”

“Hey, you’ll see! Piccolo’s not as crazy as all of the other guys. You guys might actually get along pretty easy.”

“I’m skeptical.”

She chuckled, turning and landing. I sighed, crossing my arms, hesitantly looking at our destination. It was an interesting looking house; small and white with a round purple window. I could only describe its shape as something akin to a combination of a sea creature and an insect. Bulma parked and hopped out, beckoning me to follow. I hesitantly jumped out and onto the ground, rubbing my neck. I was really tired of meeting all of these new friends. Some tension formed in my shoulder at the sound of a deep voice. Whoever this was, they already seemed disgruntled by our presence.

“Why are you here?”

“Hey, Piccolo! I brought that friend of mine I took you to see that was out for a bit, remember? You said you’d help her focus her ki.”

“Who?”

“Oh you know, the one with all that power? She blew up the testing chamber.”

“You brought her here?! You realize this is where I live, right?”

“Well you didn’t answer your phone—none of you muscle-heads do!”

“Oh, right, that thing. It broke.”

“It what?!”

I winced at the volume of Bulma’s horrified screech as I came up behind her.

“Oh, relax,” I dismissed, “you can replace one lousy phone. You could buy every phone factory on earth if you wanted to.”

I looked at this new friend, and a spark of recognition brought me some ease.

“Oh, right. Piccolo.”

He probably wasn’t as huge as Broly was, but this guy was undeniably a giant. He must’ve been, what, seven feet tall? I sighed.

“Man, I’m tired of feeling short.”

Piccolo measured me up with skepticism, black eyes calculating and sharp.

“So, you’re the Bellatrix I saw in the med bay?”

I wasn’t phased. “Yup.”

I popped my lips, holding his intense stare. His brow furrowed slightly, and I lifted a brow. Bulma glanced between us uneasily.

“What’s this I hear about you being able to help me with my ki?”

He gave a slight smirk. “Oh, you’re up for it? You don’t look the type to be inclined to fight.”

“And you don’t seem the type inclined to offer training,” I shot back, putting my hands in my pockets, “But you’re right. I don’t care about combat, I just want to control my power.”

“Mm. It is volatile, I’d understand wanting to control it. But power like yours demands to be used.”

I frowned at him. “Well, too bad. Should’ve picked a different meat suit. I’m a scientist, not a warrior. Can you help me or not?”

He was quiet for a while, maintaining our staring contest, but then he chuckled turning away.

“Fine. Let’s start now. I’ll get my weighted clothes.”

He went upstairs, and Bulma scoffed.

“He could at least say goodbye.”

She quickly turned to me with a bright smile. “See! Told you you’d get along! I’ll get you later, alright? We’ll go out!”

My eyes widened with slight alarm. “Wait, you’re leaving me alone with this guy?”

“I’ll be back,” she urged, rushing back to the ship.

“What the hell are you running for?!”

“Bye-bye!”

“What—Bulma! What the hell do I even talk to this guy about?!”

I watched her fly away with disbelief, feeling a bit of sweat forming on my forehead. I jumped and whirled around to meet Piccolo’s eyes looking down at me.

“Good, you can sense energy. At least you’re not a complete amateur.”

I gave him a blank look as he brushed past me. “Oh great, another charmer.”

“We don’t need to get along. I’m just teaching you.”

I scoffed, following him. “How do you expect to teach people things if you don’t get along with him?”

“Oh, great, another talker,” he muttered, “Just pay attention.”

We walked silently for what felt like an eternity, until we came across a quiet brook that seemed attached to a lake in the distance. It was surprisingly nice. Under the gentle climate of the day with the pleasant sound of water, I already felt a sense of ease.

“Have a seat,” Piccolo instructed, sitting down by the water.

I did hesitantly, crossing my legs like he did. He didn’t look at me.

“I hear your power skyrockets when your emotions get out of control.”

“Yeah. Like a defense mechanism.”

“I see,” he muttered again, turning his piercing eyes onto me, seeming to observe something in the air around me, “It makes sense; your ki’s terrible. So scattered and volatile.”

I was a little offended even though he was right. He grunted, closing his eyes and looking away.

“I think the best thing to do is focus on grounding your energy, and separating its use from your emotions. I know you don’t consider yourself a fighter, but at least for now, if you don’t train your ki, it’ll become more restless, explosive, and erratic. You need to do something about that anger inside you, too. Combat will help with releasing that frustrated energy inside you.”

I frowned at the water. I really didn’t want to do that. I had no business trying to measure up to these crazy people around me—I could sense their overwhelming power; they could all probably break me in half like a banana. This was all ridiculous, I could figure out my own way—

“And that ruminating needs to end, too.”

I froze up, looking at him in surprise. He was giving me a harsh stare that actually gave me a bit of a scare. Could he hear my thoughts?

“You know, you remind me of another kid I trained. He was meek like you, although he had the excuse of being a child. But he stepped up when the time came, and he tapped into his potential. You have the same potential in you. The only thing that will make this difficult is your desire to make it so.”

I stared at him, mouth slightly agape, brow knitted with arguments wanting to bubble up in defense. He rose a non-existent eyebrow at my dumb expression.

“I…I’m not a fighter,” I said plainly.

To my surprise, he smiled. “Neither is he. Not for a lack of trying, mind you. He’s just not like me or his father.”

My gut sparked at the mentioning of his father. “Father?”

“If it’s returning to a normal life you’re worried about, you can do that too. That kid’s in high school now, and he’d still as much of a nerd as he was when I first met him. I’m not trying to force you to change your life, but your potential shouldn’t be wasted.”

I stared down at the grass that tickled my shins, listening to the water. I didn’t want to admit it, but I was scared. I know nothing of this life. I didn’t want to jump into this sea of stuff completely blind. I’d spent so much time feeling helpless and confused, it didn’t seem to me that putting myself into more of that was going to help my issues.

“I’m not ready for that,” I admitted.

“You won’t always be ready,” he dismissed with some harshness, “Sometimes life comes at us before we’re ready, and we don’t get the choice to decide when to let it in. All you can do is ride the waves until it becomes easy.”

His words struck me, and I looked at him in surprise.

“Despite what you may think, you have the strength to ride those waves. I can sense it. The only thing making you weak is yourself.”

I picked up a few blades of grass, staring at them in my palm.

“I guess I’ll tell you. If you promise not to tell Bulma.”

“That’s not hard to do.”

“Okay, my brother’s dead.”

He was quiet, but didn’t seem put off by the information, so I continued.

“He died a few months ago in an accident, fighting off some private investigator my ex-girlfriend hired to follow me, and I’m living in the observatory she built me. And now, after getting a sense of emotional solid ground, I look up, and I’m an alien species with superpowers that destroy everything they touch, and everything I’ve believed since I was a kid has been a lie.”

I sighed, wiping off my hand.

“It’s not that I’m weak. I’m just tired. And confused, and scared, and frustrated, and nine-hundred other things. I just want things to be normal again.”

I looked to him again, a little surprised to meet his eyes. “But I don’t want to put the people I love in danger. So if training with you can help me do that, then fine.”

He regarded me quietly with a new glimmer in his eyes, then nodded.

“I can help you do that. I…apologize for misjudging you.”

I smiled a little, nodding in return. “Okay. When do we start?”

He looked at the water, taking a deep breath.

“Close your eyes, and we can start now.”

I did as instructed, frowning a little.

“What’s next?”

“Sit up straight and focus.”

I muttered, a little annoyed by his authoritative tone.

“Okay, bossy…”

After straightening up, I let out an exhale. I didn’t know what he meant by focus; but I didn’t want another demand given to me, so I just focused on the sound of the water. With time and silence, the quiet trickle had filled my ears, along with the gentle rustling of distant leaves and passing breezes. My breath had deepened.

“You’re a natural,” he remarked, voice softened remarkably, “I’m surprised.”

“I did this all the time as a kid. I grew up in a place not dissimilar to this.”

“I see. Well, since you’re focused, let’s try tapping into your ki. You’ve done it before, right?”

The mentioning of it would’ve usually given me an anxious knot in my stomach, but I’d gotten so zen that I just gave an affirmative hum. I thought of the night I blasted Goku through the clouds, remembering separating our hands and the sensation of that aura. I exhaled as warmth grazed my neck, then shoulders, until my entire body had been embraced by the mysterious sensation. It felt calmer this time; I could appreciate the sensation of it buzzing against my skin. I felt like a plant soaking up the sun.

“Good start,” he affirmed, “Now I want you to focus it between your hands.”

I thought of Goku’s kamehameha with a bit of concern. Piccolo seemed to glean what I was thinking, though.

“Nothing crazy, not an attack. Just create a ball of energy in your hands.”

That sounded a little crazy, but I digressed.

I straightened up, clearing my throat, falling back into the creek again. The warmth grew around me and expanded into a little bubble. As I inhaled, it shrunk around me, and with every exhale, it expanded. I got a little fright when I exhaled, and suddenly I could see Piccolo’s sitting figure behind my eyelids observing me.

“That’s good, now focus it.”

The thought of attempting to shrink this giant aura I’d created around us seemed impossible, but I just took a deep breath.

“Okay,” I whispered.

Contract, I told myself as I inhaled, then exhaled, then inhaled again. I managed to shrink to just around me—Piccolo disappeared, although I could acutely sense his energy next to me. I shivered as the warmth left my shoulders and neck, and soon the giant sphere had become the size of a volleyball. There was a light shining against my eyelids that distracted me though.

Trying to ignore it, I contracted the sphere further, feeling the heat mounting beneath my palms as it got smaller and smaller. The light got brighter, too, and my the time I’d managed it into a ball, I was squeezing my eyes shut to block out the light.

“Take a look,” Piccolo said.

I curiously opened my eyes, and stared in marvel at the bright red ball of energy between my hands.

“Woah.”

“That’s your ki. I’m honestly impressed it’s so malleable.”

I widened my hands, willing the ball to grow, then shrink again. It looked like fire—if it didn’t blind you, of course—but it felt nothing like it. It was like night and day from the ki I’d felt when Bulma ran her test: this felt like life force; creation.

“It’s beautiful,” I whispered.

“Mm. I want you to keep working on that,” he said, suddenly rising to his feet.

I moved to do the same, but he gave me a look that kept me seated.

“Keep meditating and manipulating your ki. I’ll come back later.”

“”Kay.”

I did as instructed, shutting my eyes and expanding the ball of ki to surround me again. On second thought, Bulma might’ve been right for once; Piccolo wasn’t bad at all compared to the characters I’ve met the past few weeks. One hour with him and I’d become the calmest I’ve been in weeks. As the warmth kissed my skin, I smiled a little. I could sit by this creek forever, listening to it babble. I sighed peacefully.

“Hey, there ya are!”

The alarm of hearing Goku’s voice sent me flying into the air, and the warm ki immediately blasted out of control. Goku let out a yelp as the force of it knocked him out of the air, and we both crashed onto the ground. I let out a groan as a painful ache bloomed throughout my shoulder.

“Agh, shit…”

“Bellatrix! You okay?”

Goku rushed over to me, helping me up to my feet. I sighed, rubbing my shoulder in annoyance.

“I’m fine, it just hurts a little.”

“Heh, sorry about disturbing you. Your energy felt really good there for a moment.”

He rubbed my shoulder, smiling apologetically.

“Goku? What are you doing here?”

I removed Goku’s hand quickly in embarrassment as Piccolo lowered to the ground, approaching us. He gave Goku a reprimanding look.

“I sensed her energy scattering out of nowhere, I thought there was some kind of attack.”

Goku chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry! I just heard from Bulma that Bellatrix was training with you and I wanted to see!”

"She doesn't need the distraction," Piccolo said, eyeing me curiously.

I avoided his gaze with a blush; I could feel my ki blazing wildly inside me as Goku stood next to me.

"What? Bellatrix doesn't mind! Do ya, 'Trix?"

He looked down at me with a smile, and my energy knotted up even more. I looked away.

"Ahem...uh..."

"Goku, go bother Vegeta," Piccolo commanded a bit more firmly, "You're making her energy go haywire."

Goddamn it. I gave Piccolo a dirty look as Goku looked between us in surprise. He looked at me questioningly. I gave an awkward smile.

"Just swing by Bulma's place later."

He nodded, smiled, and flew off. I watched him go for a moment until I realized Piccolo was still there, then I whirled around, fixing my eyes on the ground.

"Go back to meditating," he instructed, turning away.

I let out a sigh of relief. "Sir, yes sir."

He took off as I sat back down on the ground, crossing my legs. I took a deep breath, starting to listen to the water again. My phone buzzed in my pocket.

I sighed sharply, rolling my eyes and taking it out.

My eyes widened.

Mom.

***

"You sure you want us to come?"

"She said she wanted to meet my new friends," I muttered, fiddling with the pens on her desk.

"Bulma, I don't like this thing," Goku complained, walking into the lab.

I glanced over briefly, then did a double take in confusion, seeing his new outfit. He wore boots, jeans with a brown belt, a white t-shirt, and a brown leather jacket. I stared quietly, unable to tear my eyes away.

"Wh--why are you dressed like that? You can wear your gi, you know."

"What? But Bulma said--"

"Bulma said nothing," she suddenly interjected, pushing him out of the room.

She shut the door behind her, giving me a smile. I gave her a confused look.

"What--"

"His gi was filthy," she said quickly.

"Okay..."

"Okay."

My eyes narrowed, but I didn't have the mental resources to be suspicious.

"Mm."

"What?"

I looked at her in confusion. "What?"

"That 'hm', what is that? I'm not doing anything!"

I laughed a little. "You know, you have got to work on being less conspicuous."

"I just want to make him a bit more presentable--"

"Mm, to meet my parents."

"It's not like that," she insisted, putting on some earrings, "Your family is very intelligent and a bit more...sophisticated than Goku."

I snorted, then laughed. "What? My family? C'mon, really?"

She gave me a look in the mirror. "Well, Adam is at least."

"Heh, yea--"

I fell silent, my stomach falling. "Oh."

Bulma paused, turning around to look at me.

"What is it—"

"Bulma, how long do I have to wear this thing? My arms feel like sausages..."

I glanced in a panic between the two as Bulma rolled her eyes, pushing Goku out of the room again.

"Wait. Outside."

She closed the door with an exasperated sigh, going back to the mirror and checking her makeup.

"I'm excited to see everyone," she said brightly, "I haven't heard from them in months, I was worried."

My voice was caught in my throat as I shakily got up. She rummaged through her purse to make sure everything was inside, then slung it over her shoulder, heading for the door. I rushed over before she reached it, grabbing her wrist.

"Bulma."

My intense stare stopped her in her tracks, and she fell silent, frowning.

"Bels?"

I squeezed her wrist, breath trembling. "I...it's...I need to tell you something."

"Well, we're gonna be late--"

"It's Adam."

Her jaw snapped shut and her eyes locked on me. I sighed.

"I'm...really sorry I haven't told you sooner."

"Did something happen? Is he okay?"

"He...he's dead."

Her jaw went slack in disbelief, and I watched the confusion in her eyes as my words processed through her mind.

"What?"

"There was an accident; Delilah sent this P.I. after me and there was a fight, and--"

"Adam's dead?!"

I winced at her raised tone. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, I’m…I’m not mad, I…”

She stumbled over to her desk and collapsed into the chair. She stared at her hands.

“It explains a lot, though.”

I watched her sit in silence, then crouched down with a sigh.

“Wait, Delilah sent a P.I. after you? I—what—what happened?”

“You know Delilah, can’t leave me unattended for more than an hour. I sensed I was being watched, and I told Adam. He and the guy got into a tussle, then this motorcycle…and…”

I clapped my hands together, making an explosion sound.

“The ambulance came, but he had no chance.”

“Bels…did you see him die?”

I stared down at my hands.

“I never left his side.”

The ride over to my family home was silent. Bulma gripped the steering controls with a white-knuckle grip, and I sat beside her in silence, hesitant to look at her—if she was crying, I would cry, if she was upset, I would be ashamed. If she had no expression, I would give her one in my mind. Goku was surprisingly quiet; he didn’t ask what had happened, but he could sense the change in everyone’s mood and acted accordingly.

We landed near the farmhouse, and the sight of my parents’ home in the distance, warm and cozy and beckoning, made my stomach twist with anxiety. I didn’t know what to expect or what to do; how to act…I hadn’t visited since Adam had died, I hadn’t talked to any of my siblings or family. With a swallow, I took Goku’s hand as he smiled up at me gently, helping me out and to the ground.

“You’re shaking,” he said with some concern.

“I’ll be fine.”

He nodded, and moved to let go of my hand, but I didn’t let him. We exchanged a look, and he smiled again, squeezing my hand gently.

“You ready, Bels?”

I turned immediately at the sound of Bulma’s voice, and nodded.

“I can’t stay out here all night, anyways.”

She spied our interlocked hands and tilted her head, but didn’t give any outward reaction, turning around and walking ahead. We followed. Goku spoke to me in a hushed voice.

“Is she mad or somethin’?”

“I told her about Adam.

I lagged behind for a moment, leaning over to him.

“Keep this between us, but…she was a little in love with him.”

His eyes widened in surprise.

“I thought it was always just Yamcha…”

“I mean, they never got together, of course, Adam wasn’t…you know.”

“What?”

“Available.”

“What, he had a wife?”

“A boyfriend. Occasionally.”

“Oh…”

I smiled a little. “Yeah. But they were still close…although Adam was close with everyone.”

I watched her solitary figure brush past the dogs that ran up excitedly to greet her.

“She’s family, you know?”

“Yeah.”

I watched her go up to the porch and knock on the door. It opened, and my mother’s arms immediately shot out to embrace her tightly. They swung a little, then Bulma turned around. I hurriedly let go of Goku’s hand once I met my mother’s bespectacled eyes. Her gaze softened, and she smiled. I gave a strained one in return, waving a little. She waved back, gave Bulma a nod, and the two went inside. Goku and I had stopped walking.

I stared at the door quietly, hearing music coming from the windows being carried by the breeze. My legs felt like jelly. Goku eyed me curiously.

“You goin’ in?”

I blinked, looking up at him, then rubbed my chest as my heart pounded against it.

“I don’t…”

I bent over, feeling dizzy, bracing myself on my knees. I felt a bit nauseous. I felt Goku’s hand on my back, then both of then take my shoulders and pull me upright.

“Hey, they’re your family,” he said, pulling me in with his eyes, “They’re not gonna bite. I’m sure they missed you a lot.”

I held onto his hand, trying to take a deep breath.

“But I…if…”

“What?”

“If I go in there, without Adam,” I muttered, “It makes it all real.”

He was quiet. I wanted to lean against him, to feel some solidity; my body was all smoke right now. Goku hummed quietly, then looked into my eyes with a smile.

“Why don’t you show me the farmhouse first?”

I let out a labored breath. “What?”

His smiled faded. “Are you okay?”

“I can’t…”

I placed my hand over my chest, crouching down. Goku moved down to the ground with me, looking with concern.

“You’re not having a heart attack, are you?”

“Just feels like it,” I assured, breath trembling, “I think I’m having a little panic attack, that’s all.”

“Panic attack?”

“I’m just…feeling very scared.”

I looked at him, then averted my eyes in discomfort.

“Just give it a minute…”

Before I could pull away, he took me up in his arms, holding me against his chest. My eyes widened. I froze, but quickly fell slack at the sound of his steady heartbeat.

“You don’t have anything to be scared about. I won’t let you get hurt.”

I crumbled in his embrace, my pants leg soaking up the dew from the grass, inhaling his scent, hands trembling as I timidly grabbed onto his arm. I shut my eyes, feeling myself sinking into him, feeling his calmness, his steady energy, and I felt my own begin to calm down in response.

“That’s it,” he encouraged quietly.

My heart jumped. What was happening?

“Goku,” I whispered.

“It’s alright.”

I took a deep breath, feeling how my body rested in his strong arms. I felt his warmth; I could feel that little sun he shone onto everything around him, and it bathed me in its gentle light. I opened my eyes, staring down at the grass.

“I’m sorry, I keep having meltdowns around you.”

He laughed. “I don’t mind.”

I felt his laugh vibrate in his chest. The claw that gripped mine loosened its hold. I took a full breath.

“Why are you so nice to me?”

He touched my face gently, and to my surprise, the tension in my chest eased a bit more at the feeling.

“I like you,” he said plainly, “Why wouldn’t I be nice?”

I looked up at him, realizing how close we were—with Goku, proximity always seemed to become a very important concept.

“You’re too nice,” I whispered, glancing down at his smile and meeting his eyes again.

He only smiled more, shaking his head.

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

He leaned closer, chuckling. I didn’t retreat—I turned my body to him, wanting to take in the smile that glowed in his eyes. He pressed his forehead against mine.

“Nuh-uh.”

I laughed a little, and his smile got bigger.

“Your laugh is pretty,” he said, letting me go as I pulled away.

“You’re too nice,” I reprimanded, “Too nice and too sweet.”

We stood up, and he beamed at me.

“You’re not scared now, right?”

I shook my head, laughing again. He frowned.

“No, I’m not.”

“What’s so funny?”

I couldn’t contain my smile. “Nothing. You hungry?”

“Something’s funny,” he pressed.

We walked to the house, and I looked at him then glanced away.

“What is it?”

I didn’t know what to say. I reached up and pinched his cheek gently. He smiled and did the same in response, making me smile. The sound of barking took my attention away from him as the family dogs bounded up to us, tongues flailing and tails wagging eagerly. I knelt down, embracing them as they knocked me over on the ground, licking my face and sniffing me. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“He—Hello you two—oh gosh!”

My cheeks ached as I scratched their heads, struggling to sit up. Goku watched me with a smile, but was quickly overtaken by our giant hounds’ curiosity. He stumbled and chuckled, patting their heads as they circled, sniffed, and nudged him around.

“Woah, hey, hi!”

“Don’t let them bully you,” I warned.

“Oh, I’m sure—woah—“

I grinned as they knocked him on the ground, licking his face too. Goku laughed heartily, trying to shield his face.

“At least they like you.”

“Heh, yeah—hey—“

I whistled, snapping to bring them over to me. “Okay, that’s enough.”

They looked over and trotted over, sitting. I got up and helped Goku to his feet.

“They’re cute,” he said brightly, “And weirdly strong…”

“You should probably wash your face when we get inside.”

I wiped off his shoulder, then clicked my tongue as an amused smile grew on my face again.

“Awe, your jacket’s all covered in fur now. Not very presentable.”

“It’s not?”

“No, not at all. You should probably take it off.”

I nudged him with a playful look as we reached the porch. He grinned back, taking it off and slinging it off of his shoulder. I knocked on the door, looking at Goku again—he’d gotten some fur in his hair. I chuckled, pressing up on my toes and holding onto his shoulder to keep me steady as I plucked them out of his hair. He looked down in pleased confusion.

The door swung open and I was hit with a familiar ‘ooo’. I froze, my cheeks heating up as I turned to look at my older sister. Gita grinned, hazel eyes shining mischievously behind her glasses. She crossed her arms and leaned on the doorframe, glancing between us curiously.

“Well, well, is this why you haven’t come around, Trixie? Got a new boyfriend?”

I rolled my arms, looking away. “He’s not my boyfriend, Gita.”

Her eyes crinkled as she laughed. “Oh, sure, not yet! What’s your name, handsome fella?”

“I’m Goku.”

“Goku. Nice to meetya. I’m Gita, Trixie’s big sister.”

She shook his hand firmly, making her bangles clink against each other.

“Oh, firm grip,” she remarked, taking her hand back and placing both on her hips, “You’re as strong as you look.”

She nodded, patting his shoulder with a smile. “Come on in, food’s almost ready.”

Gita opened the door for us, welcoming Goku in and giving me a wink. I shook my head profusely, but she only chuckled, pinching my cheek.

“Still so shy, huh, lil sis?”

The sound of Bulma’s laugh danced along the walls as music and the aroma of food reached my senses. Gita rubbed my shoulder, and we lingered by the door for a moment as she gave me a meaningful look.

“How are you doing?”

I looked at her, smiling a little. “It’s…not easy.”

She nodded. “I know. It hasn’t been easy for any of us.”

I hummed, looking at the ground. She wrapped her arm around me, then pulled me into a tight embrace.

“I’m glad you’re finally here. We’ve all been waiting for ya, kid. No one blames you.”

I slowly hugged her back, inhaling the scent of gardenias that clung to her dark, silky hair, feeling my heart release a little.

“I missed you guys a lot,” I said quietly, “I just, I couldn’t—“

She rubbed my back soothingly, making me fall silent.

“I know. We missed you, too.”

She pulled back, smiling. “You have nothing to explain. Okay?”

I nodded. She cupped my cheek, giving me a hard look.

“I want to hear you agree, Trix.”

I smiled. “Okay.”

She nodded. “Okay. Let’s go. You still have Kuno and Cai left to give you a hard time about your piece of man candy.”

I grumbled as she laughed again, ushering me inside.

“He’s not—“

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure you’ve already talked Bulma’s ear off with your friend spiel.”

I blushed. “I don’t—“

“Well, look at you, all grown up.”

I turned to see Kuno eyeing me up, blonde eyebrows raised. A smile played on his lips as he came over to me, uncrossing his arms as I gasped.

“What the fuck did you get so ripped for,” I accused in disbelief.

He laughed, trapping me in a bear hug and picking me up. I fought to breathe but patted him on the back. He’d completely changed from the skinny guy I remembered.

“Hey, I’ve been hitting the gym,” he said, with a shrug, “Not to mention all the heavy lifting at work.”

“What do you do now?”

“Moving company,” he said, picking up a wine glass off of the dining table and passing it to me, earning a dirty look from Gita, “Furniture, boxes, the like.”

“Although, your guy over there’s giving me a run for my money,” he said, nudging me with his elbow.

“He’s not my guy,” I insisted, taking a sip of wine, “If everyone keeps saying that, I’m gonna need this more than Gita.”

He chuckled, patting my shoulder. Cai and Bulma’s laughs rounded the corner into the dining room before they did, cheeks flushed and holding glasses of liquor. I shook my head with a smile.

“God, what is it with this family and alcohol,” I remarked, sipping from the glass as well.

“Nothing wrong with having a good time,” Kuno said, patting my head, “You’ve been gone too long.”

I smiled at him, pushing him lightly and leaving the room. Bulma seemed better, which eased some of the pressure in my chest. A bit of it returned at the sight of my parents and Goku hitting it off in the kitchen, though. My mom caught sight of me first as they all laughed together, and came over to me, eyes twinkling.

“Oh, baby, I’m so glad you’re here.”

She kissed my forehead, hugging me tenderly. I hugged her back.

“Hey, Mom.”

“How are you?”

“I’m good, I’m good.”

“Mm, you need anything? Bulma taking care of you?”

“I actually moved back to the observatory. Had to call Delilah but she agreed. It’s mine now.”

She smiled and nodded, but her eyes showed concern.

“I don’t like the idea of you being out there in the ice all alone…”

I chuckled. “Oh, don’t worry, I don’t see myself being left alone for a while.”

My father’s laughter caught my attention, and I glanced between him and Goku. Mom pinched my cheek, giving me a smile.

“He’s sweet,” she said, leaning over towards me, “Nice catch.”

“He—“

With a sigh, I smiled back, shoulders slumping a little. Might as well take the compliment at this point. Goku turned and smiled, and I smiled back shyly—he had to have heard that. My father finally saw me around him, and his eyes lit up.

“Oh, Bellatrix! I swear, I didn’t even recognize you, you look so beautiful—oh, come here!”

I gasped for air as my father laughed, squeezing me in an even tighter bear hug than Kuno’s.

“Dad—Dad!”

“Oh, I’ve missed my little starlight so much!”

I blushed as I met Goku’s eyes, seeing his amused smile.

“Dad!”

“God, you’re all skin and bones; let’s get you fed—honey, are we all ready to eat?”

“Dad, I’m dying here,” I gasped out.

Mom laughed. “Yes, I think—oh no!”

Her eyes widened in sudden recollection. “I forgot desert!”

“I think I’m blacking out—“

“Oh no! That’s no good at all! We’ve got dinner all ready to go, though…”

“We can get it,” Goku offered.

Dad turned to him, swinging me along with him.

“Oh, you’d do that for us son? Thanks so much.”

“I’ll go write up a list—keep the food warm, honey!”

Mom rushed off, and Goku gently pried me out of my father’s arms, earning a grateful look from me. He chuckled, leaning down to say something in my ear.

“Little starlight?”

I slapped his shoulder, sputtering in embarrassment as he straightened up and laughed.

“Shut up.”

Mom shoved a list and keys in my hand, along with a wad of cash and ushered us out of the door in a panic.

“And don’t dilly dally, you two!”

I laughed softly as the dogs ran up to us again, sniffing and barking and circling us as we got in the car. I was about to turn the ignition, but gave Goku a look.

“Seatbelt.”

“Oh! Sorry.”

He buckled up, and we were off.

***

Dinner was loud, happy, and plentiful. I sat between Gita and Bulma, laughing, drinking, and laughing some more. There was so much joy in one little room that I felt that it could burst open at any second. Goku, Kuno and my father all bounced off of each other seamlessly, and when Goku was, well, Goku, they only seemed to appreciate it more.

“You’re quite the simple man, Goku,” my father remarked, patting him on the shoulder with a beaming smile, “God, you’re just made of muscle aren’t you? He’s gonna give you a run for your money, Kuno!”

Kuno laughed, shaking his head. “Oh, that is one race I’ll gladly avoid.”

Goku glanced between them with some confusion, but kept smiling nonetheless.

“Heh, thanks!”

I nudged Bulma. “See, they like him, even without the jacket.”

She gave me a look, and I laughed, sipping more wine. My eyes gravitated to the empty seat between Cai and Mom. A steaming plate of food sat there, accompanied by his favorite childhood cup half filled with brandy. I smiled at it bittersweetly. For the first time, his absence didn’t feel so brutal.

“—Eh, Trix?”

I blinked in confusion, realizing everyone was looking at me. Mom looked at me soulfully, a gentle smile formed on her lips. Kuno cleared his throat, and Cai rubbed his shoulder soothingly. I looked around with some shame.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean—“

“There’s nothing to feel sorry for honey,” Dad assured, “We all feel it too.”

I looked to Bulma, seeing her staring at the empty chair with misty eyes. I pulled her close and embraced her firmly, placing a kiss on her forehead. She leaned her head against mine, wrapping an arm around my waist. I closed my eyes.

For the first time, it wasn’t just me who felt the pain of his absence, and the world kept spinning despite it.

Cai stood, raising his beer bottle.

“To Adam,” he said, “The only grown man I knew who drank brown liquor out of a superhero cup.”

With a laugh, I raised my glass.

“To the best man I ever knew,” I added.

Kuno rose his. “To the man who never gave up on me.”

Some emotion rose up my throat at his words, and I felt my eyes threaten to water. I smiled.

“Here, here.”

Kuno nodded at me soberly, still managing a smile on his face.

Everyone raised their glasses and cups in silence for a moment, until my father spoke.

“To have lost a man like him is something no one could ever recover from,” he said, looking down at his plate wistfully, “But he’s with us all. Each of us carry a piece of his love in our hearts, and for that we should all keep smiling.”

Mom hummed in affirmation. “Mm, yes. He’d want us to be smiling.”

Bulma sniffed, and I felt some droplets fall onto my chest. I stroked her hair, and Dad came over to take her hand.

The superhero cup of brandy knocked over.

I froze, looking in shock. Everyone’s attention snapped to the spilling brandy, the rolling cup that gradually stilled, and the wind billowing through curtains that covered a window that definitely hadn’t been open before.

I smiled, feeling my eyes growing misty.

“I think he wants us to stop being so down in the dumps,” I said quietly, “Typical.”

I could feel him. I could remember him. The smiling big brother I’d known and loved. Somehow the blood had become a forgotten dream.

***

“Okay, okay, let me just—“

I giggled as I fumbled for the light switch and Goku clung to me, half holding me steady and half gluing himself to my body.

“Goku!”

“What,” he whined.

“Someone’s gonna see,” I insisted, still laughing at the feeling of him nuzzling my shoulder, “Hey, that tickles!”

“Everyone’s outside, no one’s g’na see,” he muttered, “They all know, anyways…”

“Know what?”

He laughed, holding me tighter. I finally flicked on the light switch and we stumbled inside my old bedroom, Goku shutting the door behind him as I opened the window. I sighed, turning around to see him creeping around my childhood telescope and squeaked, moving him away.

“Be careful!”

“I’m not gonna break it,” he said, smiling.

I giggled as I guided him to the bed, and we both collapsed with a groan.

“God, my family can drink…”

“I see where you get it from,” he said.

I laughed. “Oh please, I tapped out after three glasses of wine.”

Goku stared at me as my laughter slowly faded, and I held his gaze. I frowned in confusion.

“What?”

He moved closer, swallowing.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, “So beautiful and so smart and funny…”

I giggled nervously. “Thanks, I guess.”

“I mean it,” he said.

“Okay.”

“No…it’s not okay.”

His eyebrows creased, and he touched my face.

“It’s not okay…”

My drunkenness wore off slightly as Goku’s thumb stroked my cheek repeatedly while I stared into his eyes. The room was still spinning around us, but I was stilled by his gaze. I took his hand in mine, moving closer to him. The space remaining between us felt so vast—how were we going to bridge it? I shut my eyes, placing his hand on my chest. Goku inhaled sharply.

“Feel that,” I asked.

“Feel—feel what?”

“How steady my heart is. My heartbeat.”

“Yeah?”

“That’s what you do to me.”

He fell silent. I pressed his hand closer.

“No one else makes me feel this except you.”

I opened my eyes, holding his gaze. “…No one else is like you, Goku.”

With some uncertainty I reached out and touched his face, feeling my hand tremble slightly as my palm cupped his cheek. I smiled at the feeling of him, of the warmth, of his presence. Maybe it was the alcohol, but in this moment, I didn’t want him to leave my side ever again.

“You’re too sweet,” I said, tracing his jaw with my fingertip, “Too sweet.”

His voice asked a soft question. “Bellatrix?”

I almost wanted to touch his mouth, to feel his voice passing through his lips. I sighed.

“Shit Goku, what did you do to me?”

“What? I didn’t do anything. At least…I don’t think…”

I laughed softly, shaking my head. “Oh, you did something, alright. You’re doing it right now.”

“I am?”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re not very convincing when you act coy, Goku.”

He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer—the vastness that seemed so daunting was shattered in mere seconds.

“I like you,” he said, brushing his nose against mine, “I like you a lot.”

I grinned. “Yeah, I know.”

“No, I really like you.”

“I know.”

“Like…like Chichi…”

I laughed again. “Goku, I think we’re a bit drunk.”

“N-no, did you hear me? I like you.”

“I heard you,” I assured softly.

He smiled, gently taking my chin. “Do ya like me?”

I hesitated despite myself. I let out a sigh as Goku waited for me to answer with increasing unease. The words I’d been holding back spilled out.

“I’m scared.”

“Scared?”

“I like you, Goku, but I’m scared.”

I took the hand that held my chin, timidly brushing my lips against it, shutting my eyes.

“If I lost you too…”

My breath trembled as I pressed my lips against his knuckles.

“My heart would break all over again, and I don’t know if I’d survive it.”

“I’m not like her,” he whispered.

I smiled, placing his hand on my waist and pulling him closer, pressing my face into the crook of his neck, pressing my lips against his pulse, losing myself in him.

“You always smell so nice,” I said.

“‘Trix,” he insisted, “I’m not like her.”

“You’re not like anybody, Goku.”

I pulled away from his neck and looked at him again.

“People like you, like my brother…you can’t be replaced. You know that, right? It always leaves a hole when you’re gone, and it won’t get filled again because there’s no one like you that can heal it.”

I looked down at his lips. I finally touched them, caressing them with the pad of my thumb.

“If I fell in love with you…and I lost you…”

His hold around me tightened.

“I won’t ever leave you.”

“I didn’t say leave,” I corrected with a chuckle, “I said lost.”

His brow furrowed, and I rubbed the wrinkles until it relaxed. He let out a sigh, shutting his eyes.

“Of course you wouldn’t leave. People like you don’t leave. People like you are taken away.”

“I won’t get taken.”

“Yes, you will.”

“No, I won’t.”

I pulled back slightly, looking him square in the eye.

“You died before, right? While you were with Chichi? Your son? How do you think it felt for them when you were taken away?”

“I…I know it wasn’t easy—“

“Easy? Look at how I’ve been without Adam.”

I poked his temple with a chuckle. “I want you to hear me. Get these words into that Saiyan brain of yours.”

He looked at my mouth intently, making me grin.

“When you die, the people you love die with you. When you go off doing amazing things, the people you love are left behind, aching for you. Us normal people aren’t as strong as you are, we can’t hang on and keep up with your story. We don’t want a story. We want a simple life. We want to be happy, do good work, and have peace and love—and we want to love you.”

There was pregnant silence until he smiled.

He took my face in his hands, eyes twinkling. “You want to love me?”

I sighed sharply. “Did you hear a single word I said?”

“Yeah, I did. But…you want to love me?”

He grazed my lips and my jaw with his knuckles, and, feeling the slight callous formed, I pressed my lips against it.

“I don’t think I have a choice at this point. It’s going to happen…I can feel it. I’m going to fall in love with you. And I’m scared. You’re—you’re so beautiful and…I can’t—”

I sighed, trying to gather my thoughts. “I can’t lose you, too.”

“You won’t,” he assured firmly.

I smiled. “Goku…you can’t promise that.”

“Yes, I can. I won’t.”

There was a fire in his eyes that shook me. I bit my lip, then let out a sigh.

“I can’t lose you, either.”

I looked up at him in surprise.

“You’re all I can think about sometimes. You always make me feel so great and so happy. I didn’t think it was possible to feel that way about someone else besides Chichi.”

He pressed his forehead against mine, lips ghosting over mine as he let out a shaky breath.

“I really messed up with her…I can’t mess up with you, too.”

“Goku…”

For some reason, the thought of kissing him actually dawned on me for the first time. I pressed my hand against his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to do this again.”

The possibility of his lips was so close. It made me feel hasty. Thirsty. Anxious. Goku felt it too, I could tell. He swallowed nervously.

“That’s okay. I never feel ready to do anything.”

I laughed. “You’re too sweet, Goku.”

I could feel the feverish urge building between us.

“You’re…perfect,” he breathed.

I shook my head. “No one’s perfect. It’s a good thing.”

“Bellatrix…”

“Yeah?”

“I need to kiss you.”

“I know.”

“Right now.”

“I know.”

We were silent. I stared at his mouth. He waited for me eagerly—always so gentle, so careful with me. I needed him, I knew it. I blinked, trying to keep whatever wits I had left about me.

“We can’t go back to how we are now, if…if we do that.”

“I don’t want to.”

Oh, god.

He licked his lips, clearly struggling to contain himself.

“I need you, ‘Trix…I can’t fight it anymore. I need you.”

His words echoed in my mind. I need you.

My eyebrows creased. I swallowed.

“I—“

He inched closer, hand inching down my waist to my hip. I leaned towards him.

“I need you too.”

His hand took hold of my hip firmly, pulling my body against his. My leg passed over his hips, and the bed creaked as my knees sunk into the mattress. My face was flushed—here I was, straddling the man I swore up and down I wasn’t going to give in to. I stared down at his face, his shining eyes, his slight smile, his tousled hair from the fun of the night; it as all so beautiful.

His hands clung to my hips, teasing the possibility of embarking to the bare skin under my shirt. I leaned down, cupping his cheek, pressing a soft kiss onto the corner of his mouth. His hands twitched and held onto me tighter. With a smile I leaned up and he followed, seeking to return the kiss. I placed another on his cheek, coaxing him to sit up fully and resting on his lap. Goku laughed breathlessly. I stared at his curved, laughing mouth and slung my arms over his shoulders, pressing my weight onto him and tilted my head.

“Are you sure,” I whispered.

“Please,” he muttered, brushing his lips against mine, “Come here already.”

I laughed softly at the cracks in his restraint.

“I don’t want to make a mistake for us,” I said, “We need to decide.”

He took my face in his hands, smiling. “I want you, Bellatrix.”

I smiled back, nodding. “Okay. I want you, too.”

His eyes crinkled as his smile grew. “Good.”

Goku’s focus quickly shifted to the matter of most importance though, and his hands roamed my body with newfound confidence.

“Now come here.”

Our breaths trembled as our lips finally met. He pressed his tongue into my mouth sharply and I softened his advance by making mine supple against his, taking a gentle hold of his face. He had so much friction in his energy now that he had been given the okay it made me wonder how long he’d been holding himself back—was it the first time we met?

It didn’t take much time for him to follow my lead and be more gentle with me. We moved further onto the bed soon after, unable to part our lips for even a moment. The bed creaked under our aimless movement as I eased onto my back and pulled him on top of me by his shirt, managing a smile and to pull myself away for a second.

“Bulma was…was diabolical to put you in these,” I said with a chuckle.

He quickly took my lips with his again, then smiled against my mouth.

“You like it?”

I tucked my fingers around his belt and tugged his hips further down between my legs and grinned.

“I fuckin’ love it.”

I shot up and kissed him a bit more passionately, my eyebrows furrowing. Goku moaned slightly, and I bit his lower lip, making him yelp a little in surprise and break his lips from mine.

“What was that for?”

I frowned, my mind starting to get clouded with lust. “Huh?”

“You bit me…did I do something wrong?”

“What?”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “Oh, shit, no, no, sorry, I should’ve asked if you liked that or not—“

“I do, I just didn’t know if—“

“Fuck, I’m sorry to cut you off, I just—“

I sighed desperately as I stole another kiss, gripping his jeans tighter as Goku sensed I’d changed somehow and kissed me harder, pressing himself against me. I felt how hard he was and my head spun—I was dangerously close to forgetting we were technically in my family home on the loudest mattress on earth.

“We should—we should be smart,” I muttered thoughtlessly between kisses, “Someone’ll hear the bed if we fucked right now.”

“But I want to fuck you now,” he complained a little, kisses starting to stray from my mouth, “I can smell you, how am I supposed to control myself when I can smell how ready your pussy is for me?”

I blushed as his sudden crassness, but it made me want him more. I laughed breathlessly, aching at the feeling of his hard cock against pressed against my clit through my jeans. He pressed a little harder and I grazed my nails over his arm, feeling a wave of heat pass through my whole body. He chuckled, capturing my parted lips and biting my lower lip in return.

“See?”

I was already unbuttoning my pants. He grinned, unzipping them, tracing the waistband of my underwear with his fingertips.

“Fuck, Goku, you’re gonna get me in trouble.”

“It’s okay,” he assured, voice growing husky, “I won’t fuck you if you don’t want it. I just…”

My brain didn’t even process what he’d done until Goku had tossed my pants to the floor and lowered my hips against the mattress again. Not one squeak, and he’d gotten my pants off already. I gasped as I felt his thumb swipe over my clit, then rub it gently. I bit my lip, grabbing onto his shoulder.

“Goku,” I whimpered quietly.

“I just need to taste you, that’s all.”

His voice had completely changed. His entire demeanor had changed; he sounded deathly serious. I could imagine this is how he was in a fight—composed, focused, precise, and absolutely ruining his opponent.

He pulled my underwear apart without much effort, and his breath audibly stilted at the sight of my soaked cunt. I could only hope one of us could keep from going over the edge.

He leaned down over me again, kissing me hungrily, prompting me to respond eagerly in kind.

“Can I feel you,” he asked breathlessly.

I had absolutely no idea what he meant by that, and no intention of turning him down.

“God, please, yes.”

The bed gave the slightest creak as he carefully pushed my legs farther apart and kissed down my body, pushing my shirt up to plant kisses all over my chest and abdomen, then sink his teeth into one of my hips, making me moan softly and grip his hair. His fingers gripped my thighs as his mouth found my pussy, and with a quiet grunt, slid his tongue inside of me, then ran it over my clit as one of his hands released me.

I had a brutal grip on his hair as his tongue continued to work its magic on my clit—it was taking everything in me to keep myself still, to keep my hips in place, to not cry out his name as he sucked on my clit, making my head fall against the pillow. My chest was heaving.

“Goku,” I gasped, “This—is not careful—!”

He slid his fingers inside of me and I was completely his.

“Fuck, don’t stop…”

He didn’t smile, he just kept devouring and fucking my pussy with his diabolical tongue and big, strong fingers. I grabbed onto the headboard with my other hand, trying desperately to keep my hips still as he planted kisses on my inner thigh as I started to clench around him. I could hear the way I was gushing around his fingers as he thrusted them in and out.

“That’s it,” he whispered against my skin, “C’mon, ‘Trix…”

I couldn’t speak a word, only crush the headboard under my grip as his mouth went back to my cunt, sending me over the edge, when—

I froze as Goku slid his fingers out, breathing almost as heavily as me. He pulled back and sat up, the moonlight shining down on his dark eyes as he put the two glistening fingers in his mouth, holding my gaze until he groaned, shutting his eyes. I was completely disoriented at this point as my body burned for release. His eyes opened again as he slid his fingers out of his mouth, grinning down at me.

“It’s just as good as I thought it would be.”

As I slowly started to realize he wasn’t going to give me the release I needed so badly, I put a hand on my forehead and laughed softly.

“Oh, you evil son-of-a-bitch,” I said, letting my legs fall to the side. “Thank fucking god.”

He chuckled as I sat up, looking him up and down and giving him a little glare.

“You should be ashamed of yourself.”

“Well, you definitely weren’t going to stop anytime soon.”

I rolled my eyes, but smiled. “And whose fault was that?”

He only gave me a big smile. I planted a kiss on his cheek, getting off of the bed and feeling around for my pants on the ground. When I found them, I tossed aside my torn underwear and put them back on.

“Where did my glasses go,” I whispered, “Are they on the bed somewhere?”

Goku handed me them as he stood, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my neck. I put on my glasses as I laughed softly.

“This is probably the only time I’m gonna ask for this, but can you instant transmission me to the observatory?”

“Can I stay the night?”

“Maybe if you’d let me come just now, but I don’t feel so generous anymore.”

“Awe, why not?”

I smiled up at him as he put his fingers to his forehead, and we disappeared from the dark, quiet bedroom.

***

“Rise and shine, boss.”

I inhaled sharply as the blinds automatically opened, and my bedroom filled with the cool, muted sunlight of an arctic morning. The lights turned on after and I groaned, turning to shield my eyes in Goku’s chest.

I paused, tensing up. Goku’s chest?

My eyes went from the white t-shirt to Goku’s peaceful face, and my brain spun. What…what was he doing in my observatory, in my bed? I tried to sit up, but he groaned in protest, holding me tighter—holy fuck, I’d been asleep in his arms. I racked my memory of the night before desperately—what could’ve happened to warrant waking up like this? We were clothed, but I didn’t have underwear on, which was concerning since I recalled going to a family dinner.

He nuzzled my neck, and it all came flooding back like an avalanche—the drinking, the smiles, the way his fingers felt inside me, the way I pulled his arms tighter around me was we fell asleep on the bed. I looked back at his face, his lips, and sighed quietly. Life happens, whether you’re ready or not.

I placed a gentle kiss on his lips to wake him up, smiling as he frowned, groaning again.

“Get up, you big goof,” I teased, “Or do you not want breakfast?”

His eyes slowly opened and he squinted down at me.

“…Bellatrix?”

My stomach flipped at the confusion in his eyes.

I sure as fuck am not ready.

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roboyomo · 2 months

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YOMOOOOOO hai :] im back 2 enable u again. i Gotta know what th hell is going on btwn yaku and kenix, what is their Deal. what is their Problem(tm). ilove hearing abt Little Beasts adn their Issues igotta know th lore...

JUST SO YOU KNOW I ACTUALLY STARTED HITTING MY LEGS IN EXCITEMENT WHEN I SAW THIS ASK BECAUSE. OHGOD DO THESE TWO HAVE A LOT. BUCKLE UP I AM ABOUT TO EXPLAIN MOST OF THE LORE THESE TWO HAVE (NOT GETTING ABOUT THEM INTO THE NEXT STORY ARC BUT IF YOU WANT TO, I COULD ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THAT AS WELL :33)

RANT ABOUT THESE TWO UNDER THE CUT!!! ALSO WARNING FOR MENTION OF MURDER YEA,,, THERE IS A LOT OF EXPLAINING

So for little bit of context for the future parts of this rant: Sanguis Vitae is almost vital for the Warriors, but their bodies cannot accept it right away as it is still a dangerous thing. So what do they get?? They get their bodies 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘦𝘥 to fit their Sanguis Vitae! While the process of reformation is still ongoing, the person is also allowed to change their physical appearance and ONLY during the period of the process, but that only explains how others look either the same as their past selves, similiar or completely different. Wanted to explain that part but the crucial condition of the reforming progress is it is not allowed to be disrupted. Any sort of injury that has occured more than once will be considered a disruption to the progress and the process will be terminated immediately, no longer able to be started again for that person so they will be stuck with the current state of their body. I am telling this because Yaku got that exact situation from the start, therefore his body was completely unable to accept his Sanguis Vitae, leaving his body almost empty and far, just MUCH MORE weaker than his coworkers, so far beyond them in ranks. Who was in fault of causing his reforming progress to be terminated? Just guess. This will make more sense once you read this to the end i swear.

ANYWAYS TIME TO GET TO THESE TWO.

Dear lord, Kenix and Yaku. like my two probably second to third oldest characters,,, and they have a lot to unpack between each other but i will try to make this not too long. First of all, just a bit about Kenix (his curse and backstory specifically!)

Kenix is not from the original timeline as i mentioned, he has never been from there originally and never will be. He is an alternate version of Yi Dal (The real name of both Kenix and the man, who went by the fake name "Ken" amongst his coworkers) from the original timeline, the man who is supposed to be the employee with be Blessing of Time. Kenix pretty much mirrors most of Ken's mannerisms, but still clearly being him, as they are the same person. While Ken had a good childhood, Kenix mirrored his childhood and. just got to grow up in probably one of the worst households. The middle child always left out of the frame, treated like nothing more than a servant by both parents nd the two siblings. He eventually escaped when he was 17, being able to feel freedom for the first time in many many years - only to be somehow tracked down by his siblings and get murdered at the age of 33. Now, I did mention that he is part of the AT crew consisting of 7 members total and that his Deadly Sin is Lust with its own interpretation.

Lust is more like an immoral desire for something, not particularly sexual like the original version of Lust. The desire for something specific that is so deep, the person swallows their own morals to achieve that something specific. For Kenix, due to the unfair and tormenting treatment he got for half of his life before death, he wished to know how it felt like to be a higher-up like the rest of the family even after his death, only for it to be twisted into a desire for power to have his vengeance. With this interpretation of Lust, his mind started to slowly rot in some way over the desire for power, to be higher-up and worshipped like a god. Just like he wanted to, right? But with the process of getting such power and title was taken to extreme levels. Swallowing down his morals, his etiquette and manners, to grasp onto that desired concept of being in power, to feel superior over others just to see how it was for others around him when he was as helpless as them now.

But a crucial condition to the curse is that he must take over the life of that version of him that mirrored everything to his life. The timeline where he was living a much better life, and Ken was the perfect candidate. So it is just "Hello, I am you from another timeline! Unfortunately, you are doing way better than me, therefore i must forcefully replace you in your own body and keep your soul trapped so you will not interrupt me :) Also i will replace your arms with mechanical ones as i favor them more" "excuse me 𝘞𝘏𝘈𝘛."

So that is how now Kenix is actually in the company, it is not like he wants to be here but oh well. Another part for his curse is that he fucking 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘴 part of Nahara's powers to adapt to his own powers of time, dooming the safety of Ortu Lunae by enraging her and making her create laws and policies against Ortu Lunae and its people and ensuring that everyone else in the company is pretty much suffering because of it (fucking HELL cursed kenix why.)

All of this also happened between Yaku's arrival to the company. And a note that Yi Haneul (All three of the siblings - Yi Haneul, Yi Dal and Yi Aera are employeed here and are all very close, so Kenix basically replaced the middle sibling) has just. adopted Yaku (why care that he is 20 years old! Boom, that is now your son, even if you are 37 years old!). This just brings us to the question - 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘒𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘹 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘠𝘢𝘬𝘶 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺??

Since Kenix is biologically the same exact person as Ken, he is still considered Yi Haneul's younger brother and if Yaku is adopted by Haneul, then well fuck Kenix is now his uncle (Haneul, stop adopting your coworkers in their 20s. you have adopted 4 of them already. fucking stop i swear–). Anyways, that is out of the way and finally actually talking about them. (HOORAYYY WE FINALLY GOT ALL THE CONTEXT!!!!!!)

I will just say this here, Kenix is in fault for Yaku's body reforming process being terminated so now Kenix, probably the strongest employee (he has FORMED HIMSELF INTO AN ACTUAL FUCKING GOD OF TIME WHAT IS HE DOINGGG) in the company, is stuck with this boyfailure who is struggling to get at the same level as his coworkers. But it is obvious that Kenix's curse is not letting all of this go well. It does not only make him hungry for power, but also hungry for others' misfortune. It feeds off others' misery and pretty much only causes Kenix to go even more insane for his desire. One of the only choices Kenix had to somewhat suppress the process of losing his sanity is to give in, stop resisting, 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮. It did mean that Kenix never got to experience empathy for others, he is never able to feel regret over these actions of his - the poor attempts of resisting it all did not result in anything. He has long accepted that he may never go back to what he was before, reduced to nothing but a merciless, cruel god. Being guided by what is left of his mind now, Yaku is now just but a guinea pig of some sorts. Kenix has repeatedly hurt him and reverted back all the injuries, just tormenting him verbally and physically. To the point of making Yaku cling to Kenix's words of validation. There has not been a instance where Yaku managed to handle someone reassuring him his worth without breaking down into years, yet Yaku still holds hope.

The hope that Kenix can change, and he still holds understandment for Kenix and his past (even though he has only the small pieces of the story). That is what baffles cursed Kenix the most. Yaku, who is just being tormented by Kenix, the same way it was for Kenix during his life before death, is still able to forgive him for his actions and attempt to see the best in him. Yaku did not have a better childhood either, having pressure put onto him, making him act so much more maturely at only 10 years of age as a way to "compensate" for whatever Yaku did (it was the fact that Yaku was born at all. i swear almost no one here had a good childhood). But he still had hopes for the world, unlike Kenix who has only been nothing but hatred to everyone because if they are so great, where were they when he needed their help? Their comfort? Those same words of validation, that he needed to get through it all?

Kenix had tried to create a facade. He, who has no problems, no regrets, no sorrow, with his past discarsed - only he who focuses solely on himself and his desire. But he cannot keep it up, it can, shall, and will fall through the cracks and show how much he is struggling to avoid the inevitable. He is aware that once he will finally go fully insane and let the curse fully take over what is left of his mind, there will be nothing even remotely recognizable of what he was as a person and there will be nothing that others can do about it.

It is not like he can keep up the look of being normal to his standards, continuing to last as he drowns himself in his problems until he reaches insanity and everything comes crashing down. And Yaku always notices it. Growing up in a complicated household where he was denied having a normal childhood, Yaku has a way of noticing a lot of details about others to memorize their patterns. He wants to believe that Kenix could become a better person, and he keeps on trying to make their relationship better

And Kenix hated that someone has this much hope that he can be helped. He doesn't want to be loved this way, because he doesn't believe himself that he will ever get better. In Kenix's relationship with the AT crew, they all are on the same level to him. They all have committed sins that have brought them here, gathered together in a circle of what they all just perceive as 'Hell'. They show appreciation for each other, acknowledging that they are sinners and will never get better. They learn to live where they accept that they are bad people (well, maybe except for Artemis, she is just a kid who denies change and the future, not like a fucked up person like Kenix) and there is nothing they can do about it. Just letting sorrow drown them until they reach their end with insanity right beside them and disappear into nothingness to be forgotten.

Their dynamic is like "I have hurt you, and i will hurt you again. I am a bad person so you should not try to fix me. Leave me be" "I know you have it hard, so i want to help you because i believe that there is still a happy end for you." "How dare you try to show me love and appreciation. Get hit with the thing and stop trying to be kind to me". Kenix even had Yaku be a lab rat for an experiment whether Yaku's body was able to accept the Sanguis Vitae of Time, despite his body never even finishing reforming halfway through. (Which was the reason for Yaku's resurrection in the halfway through the story and that. accidentally merged the powers of Thunder and Time for Yaku which was just forced on him IT IS CONFUSING RIGHT NOW WITHOUT CONTEXT OKAY). Even despite all of that, Yaku still holds hope, the belief that everyone can become a better person even if they think that they are beyond saving. He wants to believe that they all can, why wouldn't they be able to? It is all a possibility, no matter if there is a non-zero or a huge chance. He wants to help everyone catch that possibility and change their path, change their future by changing the present. Yaku still has no confidence in that he is worth loving, that he is worth being paid attention to, but he still holds the hope, the wish that everything will be better for everyone - and that is what pushes him to go forward.

In short, Yaku will not be giving up on Kenix any time soon, he will continue to attempt and help him. Afterall, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺, and Kenix fucking hates that he keeps trying it.

#basically. both are traumatized. INCREDIBLY #and their relatonship is fucked. how can you say that this is a normal dynamic for an uncle and a nephew #i would say get them therapists but you know. i don't think that will help either of them #ALSO HOLYSHIT I THINK THIS MIGHT BE LONGER THAN THE EXPLANATION FOR THE SETTING?????@@$&@-#yomo ocs?!#yomoposting #ocs

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96xie · 8 months

Text

keeping myself afloat

the past 8 months have been absolutely terrible, honestly im waiting for this pain to go away. i have cried countless nights unlike before and i have begged god to relieve just a tiny bit of pain of mine. i dont want to be here anymore but i cant grant that wish because i dont want to cause sadness upon my loved ones.

i dont look like myself anymore, my eczema has gotten so much worse to the point where i cannot recognize myself. i grieve every. single. day. i look at my old photos and wish i can go back to what i deem as normal. i feel so sorry to my boyfriend and friends because i look so embarrassing. my skin is on fire, its itchy 25/8, wounds open and scab up and its a cycle. i hate this so much.

i am currently on medical leave (currently unemployed) but i dont think i have benefits therefore i cant keep my financials afloat: i barely have enough saved for my car and its insurance for a month. my return date is in a month and HONESTLY i dont think i can recover until then. my entire body is in physical and mental pain: it hurts to bend my hands, arms, legs, body, i cannot twist my neck, it hurts to open my mouth at times, its like im not living. im literally crying as i type. i probably have like ONE good day every two weeks and i just dont want to live like this anymore.

i am trying my best to keep myself sane. i am trying to play games that i once loved but its difficult because my face is so dry to the point where my eyelids get dry too and my eyesight becomes blurry. when i go out, i become so envious of everyone because they get to wear short sleeved shirts, short skirts and shorts, and i have to cover because of my scars and open wounds. my boyfriend still holds my hands, hugs me, kisses me, but deep inside im crying because i feel so embarrassed that he has to be seen with me. ilove him so much but i feel so burdened because he has to put up with me.

my body is so dry its like scrunched up, its entirely red, i cant stretch, my eyesight is constantly blurry, i have no eyebrows, its been 8 months and no sign of healing. i dont know why i have to go through this. i have always always always tried to remain hopeful but its no use. healing is not linear. i know this very well. but each day has become discouraging. i am physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially in a bad place.

i have visited my dermatologist and she has been extremely condescending each visit. i just want to get better except she has been prescribing the very medicine that has ruined me in the first place. she has no empathy and i teared up in the office because she has given me no hope.

it is the same for my mom, i wish she had been more emphatetic of my situation. yes she understands my situation, she knows very well. i am so grateful she feeds me healthy food and herbal teas but the constant yelling and berating, i feel like im trapped in my child-self. i just want her to tell me it will be ok.

i want to be ok. i want to feel better. i want to look the way i have been. i am pushing myself to stay alive each day but it is very much becoming difficult each day. i love my friends and boyfriend but i feel like my breaking point is near.

this is not a cry for help i promise you! just a place for me to vent.

if you have reached this far, thank you for reading! i am finding ways to keep my mind busy despite the difficulties. if you can spare few dollars towards my car insurance or car, i would be forever grateful! my v3nm0 is @/alexieemreen

i will try to live another day being hopeful!

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odetolove · 1 year

Note

His head nods fervently at the exclamation of his brother's name, not knowing what other answer it could be. Even with your confession, he still was so sure his observations were right--a trait of his he prided himself in. He was so sure of everything that he remembered and saw; had he just interpreted it wrong this whole time?

His mind focuses back on the present as you ask the same question he just asked, more so a question for yourself than him. Blood rushes to his ears as he waits for your answer, his hands once again rubbing on his sweatpants--a habit he still kept from volleyball to ensure nothing interferes with the ball.

He takes your slight pause to think back to high school, to all the numerous interactions between you and him. As he recalls, you were always kinder to him than Atsumu; though, he just guessed its cause Atsumu was a little shit, even more so than him. Whenever he did ask for your help, you always dropped whatever you were doing to help him. You would insist that you didn't have anything important and rushed to help him before he could even protest.

And as the memories flood back to him, he even recalls the times Atsumu would tease you both about 'dating' each other. Osamu just assumed his obnoxious twin did it because he knew his crush on you. So, when you would get flustered and wave it off, he thought you were uncomfortable so he had to fight, physically, to make his brother stop. Realizing it now, you probably weren't uncomfortable; you were probably just as flustered as he was.

Maybe he wasn't as observant as he thought he was.

His mind zeroes back into your words, his face heating up before his eyebrows scrunch again. It's not a memory he likes to recall considering what bullshit the third-year spat out. But if he's honest, he can barely recall anything else except for that and Atsumu and Suna pulling him off the bloody and bruised guy. He's a little grateful you only saw the aftermath but still a little shameful for letting his emotions get the better of him. Though, he doesn't regret it; if meant defending you, he'd do it over and over again.

Your compliments warm his cheeks, shifting around in his position. He scratches his neck, unable to meet your eyes once more as he presses his lips together. "I mean ya can say that about anybo--", his words cut off as he absorbs your words. He drops his arm, tilting his head as the look of confusion, and now curiosity, etches onto his face.

"Whatcha mean?" He leans forward as he tries to look at your face, trying to read your expression. He tries to reel in his own thoughts, berating your mind that you could mean something totally else. Right? "How do I handle ya huh?"

--Samu

(NO PLS ILOVE THE PLOT LINES TOO DSFJ I KINDA WENT OVERBOARD THIS TIMESLDKJF)

i could nearly die from embarrassment the second the last sentence leaves my lips. wondering if it was because of my close proximity to him and the habit of actually speaking my mind when i was with him. my eyes widen when he leans closer- body facing me.

ah, well-

i stutter, trying to find a way out of the hole i seemingly dug myself in, thanks to my big mouth. i bring my hand up- tucking loose strands of hair behind my ear, a nervous tick. looking at everywhere but his eyes, knowing that if i did i would crumble under the sight of his kind eyes. my stomach twists with the possibility of him finding the way i think about him gross- but i had already gone this far with telling him the truth. sighing for just a second, i come back just a little braver, back straightening up to look at him too.

yknow, sometimes i get a little mouthy-

my nose scrunches at the times i’ve challenged both him and atsumu, poking jokes at about how much smarter i am than both of them, harmless jokes that come with being friends with someone for so long.

a-and i can be cocky, get an attitude when things don’t go my way… and the fact that i don’t like being told, ‘no.’

i ramble, taking a strand of hair and running my fingers down the length of it absentmindedly- scrunching my nose at the way my attitude sounds spoken out loud. blaming it on the way i had always been coddled and treated like basically a princess by the twins, osamu specifically, knowing deep down that he seldom ever says no.

and when i get like that, i like the way you hold your ground. know you just raise your eyebrows at me and it’s game over.

my cheeks flaming by the time i finish speaking, words growing weaker and weaker. embarrassed by how much i like his doting and yet unforgiving nature. eyes pinned down to his lap- unable to meet his eyes any longer-wondering of what i said was too much, whole body thrumming with want and embarrassment, sitting there before him after i had just said all those things.

it… makes me wonder, things. if you’re like that in different aspects of your life.

i whisper, shrugging, trying to keep things light and easy for my own sanity.

#samuu.love #WHWHWHWBBWAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHGG #im going crazy #immmmmmm GOING INSANE!! YES I AM!!!!!!#i hit post on this and set my phone down and RUN!!!!!!!!#im running away now #favorite.love

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writingsfromstarfleet · 3 years

Text

Cristóbal Rios - Stay

♫ - The Draw - Bastille

A/N: This is for @too-many-baes and @fandomlover2091 who both said they’d love to see more Rios. So, here he is! Iloved him so much and I had fun writing this, I hope you all enjoy! Hugs! - Mal ♡

Life aboard the La Sirena was peaceful, for the most part. You traversed galaxies, flew from planet to planet, and just generally existing. You couldn't really have asked for more. You shared this experience with her captain, Cristóbal Rios.

A word on the aforementioned captain. The two of you had met at a small colony outpost almost three years ago, and quickly became close in that time. A rare feat in itself. Rios was not one for being very open or talkative, but something about you told him that maybe this once, he would give it a shot. A former Federation commander, he had become disillusioned with Starfleet after orders to kill two beings he had picked up in the Vayt sector and also watching his captain die. Since then, he was a rogue.

Of course, none of this you had learned from the man himself. Instead, you found little bits of information and scattered facts from his holograms aboard the ship, particularly the Emergency Medical Hologram and the Emergency Navigational Hologram, named Emil and Enoch respectively. You liked Chris, as he had told you to call him, for his honest outlook on life. Albeit a little dismal at times, perhaps, but all in all it was often what you needed to hear.

Some nights were rougher than others, and often he would be found awake and wandering the various rooms of his ship, mostly without intent. He didn't sleepwalk, more he couldn't sleep and needed a distraction. One of his favourite places to frequent at times like this was his small office. Office was the wrong word, maybe, but it was a tiny room, a seat in the far corner and various shelves adorned with physical books he had collected over time and different footballs he had acquired too. This was where you had found him on this occasion.

Before you even got a chance to fully enter the room, Chris spoke softly, not looking up from his book.

"You should go back to your room, it's late."

The air remained silent for a while, you taking the time to look at him as he sat there. At the best of times, he was handsome, you couldn't deny that and you would be a fool to do so. But, there was something about the way he was now, sat in the dim light of the room that lit up his features with such grace, that you let your eyes linger a little longer.

"I could say the same about you," you chuckled, stepping fully into the small space. "But as always, my protests will fall on deaf ears, won't they?"

He looked up and smiled. "Quite right they will."

You walked to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Actions like these weren't new, nor were they rare, but they held such meaning and you both felt the emotion behind every one. Your voice was low when you spoke, not wanting to void the calm ambiance surrounding you.

"What are you reading this time?"

"Fear and Trembling, by Søren Kierkegaard."

"One of your favourites..." you trailed off as he glanced up at you, eyebrows raised in shock because he knew he had never told you that.

"How did you?..."

"Enoch." Chris laughed knowingly as you finished his query for him, clearly having anticipated you naming one of his holograms.

"I knew I programmed them with too many conversational subroutines."

"It's amazing what a little synthohol can do for an Irishman."

Your joint laughter subsided and the room went back to being calm once more. You looked at Chris a little more whilst he read, studying his face as though you had a report due on it the next day. He looked relaxed, but not quite. There was something about him that was off.

"You aren't actually reading that, are you?" Your statement was not a question, and he closed the book. Leaving the conversation there for a second, he simply stared in front of him before looking up at you again.

"No, I'm not."

One of your hands took the book from his own whilst the other ran itself through his hair. He took your free hand in his.

"What's wrong, Chris?"

"I don't really know, it's just one of those nights, you know? When you're reminiscing about the past but it's not the good parts. I'm sure it will pass. "

You looked at him sympathetically. You didn't let it show in your voice or your face, knowing he didn't like that, but you felt it in your heart. You knew Chris struggled with his mind, especially after everything he had been through, and when he was alone it was at its worst. He had never told you, but you kept the negativity that flooded him at bay, without ever realising it. Just seeing you go about your day around the ship, or watching you fascinated by a market on some planet. Whatever the matter, you kept him grounded, and he felt safe.

Just as you didn't know how much you meant to him, neither did he to you. Chris wasn't aware that he had helped you through some of the darkest moments and roughest patches of your life. How his sardonic jokes and sarcastic nature was enough to cheer you up. How simply being around him was enough to push any bad feelings away. He didn't have to do much to have such an effect, and perhaps one day you would tell him how much he meant to you. But not now.

Now, you placed your hand on his cheek and leaned down, a chaste kiss against his forehead.

"Is there anything I can do?" Your inquiry was met with him pulling you towards him slightly, leaving you a gap to decline his pending offer.

"Stay?"

His voice sounded a little lost, far gone from the usual confident air he had about him. This was the Rios nobody got to see, the one he kept behind closed doors. This was Chris.

"Always."

You climbed onto the chair with him, and though it was made for one, you managed. Legs intertwined, Chris wrapped one arm around your shoulders and one held your head close to him. Your arms wrapped around his waist as you snuggled closer to him. That was where you stayed, encased in the ambient noise of the La Sirena's engine until morning came. In that moment was when you decided with no doubt; this was where you belonged.

#star trek #star trek imagine #star trek x reader #star trek picard #picard #star trek pic #pic #cristobal rios #cristobal rios x reader #cristobal rios imagine #x reader #imagine

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bokoutoe-retired · 4 years

Text

— dialouge prompt list

send in any number with any character! and if you come up with something not on the list feel free to send in a request with it anyways, i’d be happy to write it :) also you’ll notice there’s a lot more fluff than angst prompts because i’m a big baby smh

fluff/funny prompts

1. i’ll feel much better if you let me walk you home.

2. i wanted to say i love you for the first time without stuttering, but that failed.

3. apparently all our friends have a bet going that we end up together.

4. “i really want to kiss you right now” ”do it then”

5. “are you flirting with me? “you finally noticed?”

6. i’ve been falling in love with you since the first day we met

7. sorry… your hair was in your face… thought I should move it so I could see you better.

8. how much did you drink?

9. aw, you’re so cute.

10. what did you do?

11. that is the opposite of what i told you to do.

12. well, it’s the thought that counts.

13. okay, where are all my hoodies?

14. oh, you’ve started stealing my socks now?

15. yeah, okay, but i’m cooler.

16. you owe me a kiss.

17. yeah, well, if you weren’t so drunk maybe i would.

18. that’s not even fair.

19. have i ever told you how beautiful your eyes are?

20. ew, that is so sappy, i might vomit.

21. you’re not very intimidating.

22. i love you.

23. well the probability of that is 0, but you go ahead.

24. that was, by far, the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.

25. why don’t you take a picture? it’ll last longer.

26. well, i am pretty irresistible.

27. detention? again?

28. wait! Please don’t pull away... not yet.

29. get that thing away from me!

30. you’re lucky i love you.

31. are you flirting with me?

32. hug me and maybe i’ll change my mind.

33. stop, it tickles!

34. did you just throw a spoon at me?

35. i think i might love you.

36. can i hold your hand?

37. have you seen my-…nevermind, it looks better on you anyways.

38. i’d never let anything happen to you.

39. you want to play with my hair?

40. i wanna marry you so bad

41. just kiss me already

42. cuddles and movies?

43. i love you to the moon and back

44. you’re stealing the blankets

45. you look so beautiful

46. home is wherever you are

47. stop stealing my clothes!

48. just let me kiss you, damnit!

49. are those flowers for me?

50. if you get hurt i’ll kill you

51. i’ll always be here for you, ok?

52. ou’re always welcome to hug me

53. i’d rather jump out the window, thanks.

54. stop petting me, i'm not a cat.

55. do that again, you DIE.

56. put your clothes back on!

57. come here, it's alright

58. please don't cry

59. you always smell nice

60. i just wanna be in your arms

61. kiss me goodbye?

62. you saved me

63. it's ok, i've got you

64. call me when you get there

65. you're the one who married me!

66. you don't have to apologise around me

67. i have no idea what you're talking about

68. “you're such a silly goose” “silly goose?”

69. i wish you could see yourself through my eyes

70. why do you have to look at me like that? It’s making me weak, please stop.

71. i’ve realised that you keep interrupting my daily and, holy shit, do ilove it.

72. is this the moment that we kiss?

73. look at me. i love you.

74. what took you so long? i missed you…

75. i know you’re working, but can i come over because i miss seeing your face?

76. i think I’m in love with you and i don’t know what to do.

77. i know you don’t like labels, so will you be my married-person-thing?

78. are you going to kiss or keep staring?

79. please just look at me while i confess, after that you can look anywhere you like, i swear.

80. don’t hesitate, just kiss me.

81. everytime I look at you, i think i fall a little more in love.

82. you’re more than you think of yourself. you’re everything to me.

83. you’re the best thing that has, and ever will, happen to me.

84. you keep saying that we’re friends but you look at me for a moment too long for that to be true.

85. not only am i deeply in love with you, you’re my best friend.

86. the things I would do just to see your face right now.

87. can you stay the night?

88. call me everyday, I just need to know you’re okay.

89. i know you think we aren’t right for each other, but we’ve run into each other too many times for you to tell me that this isn’t fate.

90. you keep that photo of us in your wallet?

91. don’t pretend that you don’t feel the same way.

92. i never thought we’d end up together, but here you are confessing everything to me.

angst prompts

93. people like me aren’t supposed to have someone like you

94. don’t leave me like that again, you scared me.

95. please come home, this doesn’t feel right.

96. don’t touch me, you lost that privilege when you let her/him into our bed.

97. you just keep acting like everything’s fine! It’s not fine!

98. i don’t have the energy to yell at you, you’re not worth it anyway.

99. you broke me! you ruined everything we had and- for what?

100. i wish you’d just leave me alone.

101. you really were the worst thing to ever happen to me

102. don’t look at me like you’re sorry. you’re not sorry.

103. i can’t believe i was ever stupid enough to think i knew you.

104. yell at me, scream until your throat hurts!

105. you lied! you lied again and i fell for it!

106. it was an accident!

107. did you think i was going to hit you?

108. anything- anything- but this!

109. the worst part was that I saw it coming, i knew you’d hurt me, hurt us, but i still kept you around.

110. just pretend we’re okay, just for tonight.

111. so none of it was real? you didn’t mean any of it?

112. you’re the last person i want to talk to right now.

113. have you ever thought that maybe you’re the problem?

114. all these people keep leaving and you keep acting surprised.

115. i wish a lot of things, but most of all, i wish you didn’t hate me.

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idjitlili · 4 years

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Blah its me

Kili x Modern!reader

Summary:Imagine Kili being sent to find you ,to only to see you dressing by a small river,spotting your belly button piercing. And him liking your earrings so much that he asks you to pierce his ears.

over 2280 words

You we apart of Thorin's company since you fell upon fron the sky ,whacking your head on a tree,landing face first infront of the company who rode ponies.You had used your arms to stop you whacking your face in the mud. You had groaned,standing up brushing the mud from your bottom."I have been falling for 30 minutes!" you had growled not noticing the bunch of dwarves,a hobbit and a wizard had been eyeing you. "d-did she just fall out of the sky?" the hatted dwarf had spoke ,in which in time you learned to know his name as Bofur.

The dwarves sat still on their ponies in spoke,until the youngest Durin prince spoke "did it hurt when you fell from the heavens of malah?" he spoke flirting while you as the older dark haired dwarf turned around and shot him a look,which he simply ignored. "I feel some stairs and ended up here not down from heaven..." the words slipped quietly from your lips ,the wizard had looked at you thinking before he spoke "it seems that this maiden is not from middle earth ,Am I correct?" you wanted to know who the fuck he knew that."middle earth,what no,its just earth." he hummed at you. Soon after that you were apart of the company,to much off Thorins disagreement you were in.

Which led you to now you were in Rivendell already;Thorin didnt like that very much. You were quite happy with about ,Elrond had given you a room with a bath,you hadnt had a proper clean in a long while. Plus a cute elf named Lindir,had accompanyed you to your room,offering you his arm. You had happily taken it blushing,the dwarves werent impressed by this ,Kilis face scrunched up in jealousy.

It wasnt a shock to Fili that his brother had grown to have a crush on you,a strange girl from another world. He knew better to keep it to himself ,and only tease Kili about it quietly. Thorin was only just beginning to like you,Fili didnt want you being left on the side of the road if his uncle found out about his youngest nephews feelings for you.

You had thanked Lindir greatly for helping you to your room,he had smiled at you "you are very welcome lady y/n,Elrond has told me about you and wishes me to inform you that if you would like you can stay here in Rivendell." you didnt know what to say ,you loved it in Rivendell and Lindir was indeed bodacious,but you grown to like a certain prince. Not that you could do anything about it,he was royalty ,you were a mere human ,not that kili acted like a prince more immature than anything.

"I really couldnt,they would feel betrayed,"you spoke quietly.looking at your dirty shoes. "though its not only reason is it?" his voice was like silk in noise,golden smooth,his head high as you look up at him ,shaking your head no. "Im sure he returns your love." you almost choked ,as he left how could he known,damn. You turned into your room almost turning into sonic running to the bath. Soon scrubbing yourself with the rich soaps and oils,conditioning your hair.

After you had wrapped yourself in one towel;another in your hair. Slowly dressing yourself in your short underwear,not boxers but they were were shorts and underwear. And your bra from your world ,about to put on the mint green dress Elrond had sent to your room,well was until the door knocked. "who is it?" (james franco pineapple express,yeah you sound like that ) "Bluh it's me" he stated ,je was still annoyed about Lindir,but he didnt hold it to you ,it wasnt his choice who you liked. You hadnt realised that you were fully dressed ,your wet hair now down ,water making your skin shine against the light. As you walked towards the door,opening it to reveal Kili he hadnt yet bathed clearly.

His eyes quickly scanned your body,blushing as he say you in your underclothes,you looked at him confused to his facial expresion. "Im sorry , I disturbed you,its just dinner is ready," You had looked down to see what he gestured about ,you had blushed in embarrassment."oh god,yeah I'll be right there." you tried to play it off ,but his eyes still kept glancing ,he nodded turning to leave,but a jem catches his eye.

He turns back to you loooking down at your bellybutton gasping "Is that a jem in your bellybutton?"he beyond shocked he had never seen something like it before,he didnt understand why you hadnt shown it off,he thought it was beautiful. "oh..um its my belly button piercing?" he had looked even more confused ,looking down to see how it worked. You sighed pulling him in by his arm,making him almost fall over,sitting him on the side of the bed,you laying flat next to him. So your stomach looked flatter than when it did when you sat,not that you should be ashammed ,it was just so he could see. He had looked at you as you unscrewed the ball pulling out the bar. "see theres a hole,damn thats what she said." his hand went near before he pulled it away,you pulled it back assuring it was fine.

He had grabbed the bar eyeing it ,before popping back into its rightful placing securing the ball ontop. " do men in your world have that too?" he had questioned as you stood up pulling the dress on before sitting next to Kili on the bed. "no not many ,its mostly because they get made fun of by other men that claim its a gay thing to do aka ,men that like men do it ,but it isnt anyone can do it,more women have it done. some people are just scared of the pain of having it done ,but inreality it doesnt hurt at all,just the same as my first ear ones," in the end you had pointed to your earrings that lay on the lobe.

kill had watched interest,he really thought you were the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. "i like it very much y?n it suits you very well." you had smiled blushing as he smirked at your reaction."thank you kili." you looked the floor not knowing what to say after that."do you think one day you will help me go get my ears done like yours are on that bit?" he spoke shyly pointing to your ear lobe. "I mean if you want.. I could now." you response now looking at kili whos face lights up like the moon in the night sky,nods eagerly,you run to your bag grabbing your spare unused hoops and clean needle and a slightly wet cloth,rushing back to him.

You jump on the bed ,bouncing slightly almost stabbing yourse;f with the needle,you kneel facing his left ear. "just the one ear?" at the moment you had one stud in your first hole and in the otherside a lego indiana jones figure dangling. Like who didnt play at least one lego game on the wii as a child,maybe you still do cough me. "what do you think?" he had questioned holding the needle and earring as you used the cloth to clean his lobe gently,he tried to stay still under your grip."I think the one for now ,so you can sleep on the other side,without aggravating it while it heals." you spoke quietly,standing up to put the cloth down on the beside table,pulling the dress up before sitting back down now comfortble on your knees thats what she said.

"alright then,just the one please." he looked at you smiling nervously,you smiled back at him excitedly. You lined the needle up to the appropriate position. "you ready?" you asked him."ye-Ow" you had cut him off stabbing the needle through,and placing in the hoop. "that did not hurt,youve been stabbed by a bloody sword,and made less of a fuss. did that go over your head?" you grabbed the cloth once again ,shoving his hand away from the ear as he rubbed ,now cleaning the piercing.

"Nothing goes over my head my reflexes are too fast, I would catch it." you snorted at his response pulling him up from the bed,discarding the cloth,leading him to the mirror standing behind him as he looked at the earring with a big grin."Ilove it!" he practially shouted turning around engulfing you in arms twirling you around, your face flashes red as does his when he puts you down embarrassed. "i-im sorry," he spoke looking at the floor you had grabbed your hand "dont be ,lets go the company will be waiting." you spoke pulling the blushing dwarf out the door with you.

You had let go of his hand once you had reached the others,sitting down beside bofur,kili beside you. They had stared at you brielfly."you look very nice ,lass." bofur had told you smiling next you ,you had blushed quietly thanking him. "Yes,,Y/n you look truly look more beautiful than when you were covered in mud,if that was even possible." fili smirked at you then briefly at his brother ,he wanted him to step up stop being so scared of you a shy guy,like you would go blurting out that you didnt like him,but you did. "t-thank you." you werent used to the compliments ,nor many people interacting with you.

"kili,what is that in your ear??" Thorin had interrupted the dwarves commenting on you ,his voice stern,his face almost a frown,you looked at kili nervously you didnt want to get in trouble from thorin. "SO ,I basically accidently saw y/n had an earring thingy in her bellybutton-" "A what? lass show us." bofur had cut him off now everyone was starring at you, waiting ,you stood up. Only for kili to pull on your telling you not to do what you were about to do ,sending you a pleading look. You had shook your head ,assuring him it was fine ,pulling the dress up above your belly button.

You had just revealed to the whole company a f/c jem that was your bellybutton jewerly,also your bare thighs and underwear. That elf Lindir had smirked at you,causing kili to almost explode,as he saw it the dwarves were in shock as you sat down,they still said nothing. "why would you keep such beauty hidden?" Dwalin the least person you wouldve expected spoke up,you didnt think he thought anything was beautiful expect maybe I dont know his mother. "..uh b-because I cant wonder around with you guys in half a shirt ,I would definitely get stabbed easier." you spoke yet again quietly ,making bilbo laugh at your tone. Kili smiled before breaking the silence ,"so yeah anyways I made her pierce my ear,how do I look? more majestic than uncle?" he had mocked shaking his hair slowly ,like a hair product advert,making you giggle.

"So you two are courting?" Thorin asked eyeing down his sisters youngest son,you both sat there not knowing what to say ,until you did. "w-what do you mean?" you had questioned the dwarven king. "he means Kili saw you practially naked ,and then you gave him a body modification,and then supplied him with the jewerly,all pretty intimate it seems." Bofur piped up,taking a drag from his pipe. You blushed ,looking at the salad infront of you ,picking up a piece of cucumber chewing it avoid the scene, "y/n ,may I speak with you ?"you had turned to kili nodding grabbing another piece of cucumber as he took your hand helping you up,leading you to a hall with the sword that chopped saurons fingers off.

He stood infront of you his eyes filled with panic ,and nerves ,as he literally lunged foward cupping your cheeks pressing his lips to yours,before pulling away embarrassed."y/n,im sorry,but they are right,I want to court you." he paced around ,until you spoke "dont be sorry" he stopped turning to look at you shocked, "i want to court you" thats all it took for him to pull you into a passionate kiss,before pulling away when you had heard someone clearing their throat.

"finally,I having been trying to force this for weeks." fili poopped out smirking,and soon after bilbo "and me"

"how??" kili and questioned,holding you in an embrace. "well we would accidently trip you into each other or get you both on nightwatch together ,or-" "okay we get it thank you very much "

"god damnit dildo gaggins and the jensen ackles ,john travolta love child."

a/n lets pretend i didnt pierce my mid ear with a safety pin at 14 or give myself an umbrella stick and poke at 14 because of tom holland dancing to umbrella. dont do it ,dont risk your life doing something stuipid like i did. yeah thats what this is based off.

#kili #kili x y/n #the hobbit kili #kili x you #kili x reader #kili imagine #kili imagines #the hobbit x reader #the hobbit imagine #the hobbit #the hobbit imagines #hobbit x #hobbit x reader #hobbit imagine #hobbit imagines

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taetaespeaches · 3 years

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whoosh liv, i'm gonna bore you with my life bc i miss you,

life is freaking weird (the title of my movie), i probably say this a lot but like... it just gets more weird everytime and i'm like holdonbythejonasbrothers.mp3 - there are some things i need to take care of... those things are just myself lol, different parts of me but yeah. situations stressful af and you know, self care should be always the priority.

on the good side i am still learning how to drive, and i like it more than i should, srsly i will not leave trail once i get my driver's license and no one will stop me, it will be just me driving into oblivion with karma by joss stone playing in the background, idk but this year has to end with me being on good terms with myself

i've barely been here as much as before, but i missed you lol, still have some stuff to read which is exciting ♥ and i just wanna chill man... yeah

and finally: because i didn't rant properly on my last asks, i will show you then what is happening:

bangtan has me very upset, this is my second comeback, i am still baby army and

i mean, my lord jung hoseok is going to murder me and enjoy it, he's actually destroying me, fuck him and fuck his new hair, then.. hear me out, namjoon is getting worse, he's annoying i hate him, he thinks he can go through life looking like that with his buff chest and lovely smile ?????? i will not have it,

jimin is too perfect, he has neck musles like what he actual fuck, stop mr, you are making me feel ...things, also fuck taehuyng and his i always look good no matter what mood, be humble and do something wrong for once dude, i am older than him, this is an order ok?,

then this sir seokjin with this DILF look? and he says he's exercising more :(((((( why is he why. i mean WHY , what for?, ill tell you why, he wants to be able to murder me with his bare shoulders, that's why. you cannot be this adorable laughing handsomest man and then be like yeah i can lift anything i want, no! NO.

min fucking yoongi...... i mean yoongi.. he was away for a while and i missed him so f much but HEY calm down you smooth criminal, his innocent "i'm growing my hair" ,"look at my sexy hands", "look at me smiling" shut up min yoongi, you ain't fooling me !! i will not be your fool, i know your evil plan. AND I MEAN, jungkook is the cherry on top, like i see him and i'm like excuse you, fuck you mr, so disrespectful looking like that,.. you know.. the way he looks with fake piercings and REAL tattoos, can't stand that brat

fuck bangtan

i'm sorry you had to see that, i needed to let it out -

ilove you liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiv ♥

Ok I'm glad you acknowledged that self care should always be the priority because I was reading that you are what you need to work on I was like AS IT SHOULD BE!! I am right there with you on this year needing to end being on good terms with yourself. Me fucking too. We'll get there, we just gotta be persistent with our stubborn asses.

But learning how to drive still how fun!! I'm glad you're enjoying it!

I've missed you too!! I've been less active too :( but I'm just like low energy right now is all I have no intentions on leaving this hellsite so no worries, no matter how much time you spend here I'll still be around! Lol.

Ok I'm just going to say BIG FAT MOOD to your rant because like YES!!!!!! I can't even add much because just- YES!!!!! But I will say- DILF JIN IS MY FAV!!!!! And you're exactly right, Tae needs to humble the fuck out and be a human for two seconds because god dammit he causes me so much suffering 😩 Agreed, fuck bangtan. They're too damn lovable and perfect. FELT.

I love you too Lydia!!!!!! <3

#stainofpaint #asks #lydia i just saw your icon for the first time and giggled lol #this whole thing is too much of a mood why are we the same person #holdonbythejonasbrothers.mp3- please the way i laughed

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lumosandnoxwriting · 3 years

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Hiiii!!!! I absolutely love love love your account! I'm stalking you all the time 😅 Could I ask for a ✍🏼 for my story "I love you, mum" on my @ilove-cedricdiggory account?

Either way, your account is absolutely amazing!!!! 🥰🥰🥰

Hi!! thank you so much!! this is the first fic I’ve read for remus so I'm excited!

Fic Review - I love you, mum

First of all, I really like the setting you’ve chosen! Sort of a post!war but not really post!war everyone lives AU, I dig it. Maybe it’s because I don't really read for the marauders but I've never seen a setting like this and I’m enjoying it!

Five minutes without him had you sobbing and feeling empty. Six days without him had you throwing up. Two weeks without him had you taking a pregnancy test.

this is honestly such a clever way of showing the passing of time and the effect it’s having on the reader without having to detail a full scene of each individual moment in time! the descriptions of what’s happening are short but still do an amazing job of showing both what’s going on and what the reader is going through emotionally, it’s amazing!!

“I’m sure there’s something we can do to fix this.” He said, finally turning to look at you.

first of all, fuck you remus. second of all, I love this characterization of him. a big part of canon that is often ignored (b/c it was left from the movies) was how remus tried to leave Tonks when he found out she was pregnant. with that being his reaction to becoming a dad in his 30′s, I think it fits him well to have a similar reaction to becoming a dad in his 20′s.

With tears in your eyes, you stood before Molly, the woman you saw as your own mother.

I love the reader’s relationship with Molly. It’s very sweet and you can tell that she cares for her deeply. and I love that Molly is the person the reader reached out to for comfort. I also love the little peek it gives you at the Weasley family when the kids are all younger, super adorable!

I’m growing these two precious beings that are half of us and full of our - well, my love. How am I supposed to look him in the eyes and see him hate me as I grow our kids.

okay the whole letter to lily and James broke me. such beautiful writing and such a great way of letting everyone into the reader’s thoughts on the situation.

“Sirius, let me go! She’s in there, I know she is!” Remus yelled, his voice carrying up the stairs.

Too little to late Remus, But I also love this little touch that her friends show up to check on her. great way of showing just how tight knit of a group they are.

beautiful ending, such a great touch with the reader apparating to somewhere where no one can find her. such a touching final moment between her and Molly!

all in all the writing is beautiful and you have an amazing storyline!

#fic review #remus lupin

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naoyatoudo · 3 years

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some brief shl thoughts under spoiler cut up to ep 26

honestly dislike how shl changed zzs’ personality so radically. he’s a completely different person. a lot of characters are different but zzs in particular...i mean he’s the mc of tyk T_T but in shl it feels like wkx is the mc and zzs is turned into this softer more emotional person ..for example in tyk there’s a scene where zzs first mentions his deceased shidi it goes like

wkx: wow your shidi is lucky to have survived so much

zzs: he’s not lucky. he’s dead.

and then he walks off emotionlessly and wkx and zcl are ???????? a bit concerned and then just start talking about something else

in the drama zzs is like. having this crying breakdown and saying he ran away.......like huh? who are you........? i think because zzs is my favorite in the novel in particular i’m not. pleased with this change. i dont hate shl but i wish zzs wasn’t nerfed, shafted, and made so ooc.

also this whole idea of having a home to settle down to in the drama is weirdly the opposite of the novel and i ???????????? i did think it was funny how the uh..i forgot her name the elderly couple in the drama were like “dear i wont leave you!! *clings* while in the novel the old man ditches the old woman when she’s injured and she says men aren’t worth shit basically fdsknmalsdoafjnamKOUHJKFJM

let’s see...wkx is also weirdly soft and waaah in the drama which is kind of. hm. in the novel he’s so tough and only cries at the very end after everything...zzs doesnt cry once ever btw. i was laughingi n ep 25 how zzs just has 0 reaction to his beloved shidi’s grave and then for some reason wkx is the one who asks to be alone with the graves of zzs’ master and shidi>??? like if anyone zzs should be the one to especially this zzs lmao....

i dont really like the whole zzs and wkx knew each other as kids plot they added...i liked how zzs and wkx just met each other by chance and were the perfect match without having a whole childhood thing. the drama leans so hard on wkx and his revenge quest it’s annoying a bit...this is part of it too with the show seeming to make wkx the mc instead

i love how the novel showed zzs’ thoughts and his trauma and issues in a subtle way through how he’d say things. he wouldnt say “oh im so sad im a coward wah” he’d say something like “the crushing weight that had been hanging on his shoulders since the death of his shidi seemed to lighten a bit at that moment he could finally speak his name, something he could only manage to do in the presence of an old friend.” where he’s not an emotional wreck and it’s more..implied kind of?

don’t get me started on the side characters. omg . i was rereading and realized who shen shen is in the novel and laughed so hard HE’S SOOOOOOO DIFFERENT IN THE DRAMA IT’S CRAZY. SO MANY OF THEM ARE. LIKE. the novel is more zzs and wkx journey with the kid and the stuff with the martial world is more background stuff while here’s it’s more..equalish? novel shen shen just gets killed offscreen almost immediately. i think he’s mentioned twice once when they say who he is and another to say he got killed hufijdsijf

it’s sad too because with the ooc i mean wkx and zzs’ relationship is not the same. in the novel they’re annoying to each other, zzs is a total tsundere for a long time and then eventually flirts back and wkx gets flustered. they squabble constantly. there isnt this soft uwuness to it the drama has and i LIKE that. there’s an amazingly sweet part where zzs is suffering through the nails and it’s bad that night in particular and wkx who had annoyed his way into his bed holds him rubbing his back while he writhes in pain and is just there for him. and the next day wkx frets and decides to treat zzs softly but zzs HATES BEING TREATED SOFTLY. HE HATES IT. HATES IT. and acts like normal and wkx comments how zzs is that type of person and acting soft is wasted on a pig like him (lol)

it’s almost like. a disservice to novel zzs. to have the drama be like this fdnkmsl, i miss novel wenzhou so much they’re so fucking annoying but you can see they’re really truly villains who have retired and want to just fuck around and fall in love because they UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER. that’s another thing. in the novel they have no fights. no misunderstandings. they dont yell at each other EVER. the fights in the drama to me are like ?? what the hell, the whole point is they are the only two who truly get each other why did you ruin this with these stupid ridiculous fights.

lol @ the thought of zzs telling wkx not to kill people. novel zzs does not give a damn. he kills more people than wkx probably. this is something i mentioned earlier but drama zzs is like waah i was so bad cries cries cries. novel zzs outright states he has a clear conscience and did what he knew he had to do for the sake of the majority.

i get things had to be changed for investor and censoring and whatever but it was totally disingenuous to act like and say that the drama would be extremely similar to the novel. i’ll make a full review when i finish watching the drama but yeah. to me shl is some AU OOC fic someone made for TYK that i would probably shittalk if i read it for being so ooc hufijdskosafsgij i do enjoy SHL though it’s just. need to look at it as not being related to tyk. ilove tyk the most so that’s why im so : ) about it

#rant

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mycarlydotcom · 4 years

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Top 10 iCarly Episodes:

Well, coming off the heels of re-watching iCarly in it’s entirety, again, I feel it suitable to reflect on what I feel are the best episodes in the series. Keep in mind, these choices are just my personal opinion. This is all in good fun, so if you disagree, share what your favorite episodes are. I’m not gonna break down everything that happens in each episode, there’s no need. If you’re reading this, you’re already an iCarly fan, and know the episodes. I’ll just be listing my choices, and discussing why I chose each one. So, lets get started…

Honorable Mentions: iFence, iBloop, and iLost My Mind

There are honestly plenty more episodes that can be talked about here, but for the sake of keeping things as concise as possible, I narrowed this section down to three.

Season 1, Episode 22: iFence

This was originally in my top 10 when I was choosing my list, but in the end, it was edged out by what actually made the number 10 spot. This episode is funny, charming, and all around enjoyable. Even this early in the series, it was a nice change in formula to see Freddie take center stage. I’m also a huge a sap for any kind of heartfelt interactions between characters, and there is a brief, platonic one between Carly and Freddie during this episode that totally hits that soft spot for me. I’m also the biggest supporter of the Sam and Freddie pairing, so the moment where Sam is cheering on Freddie while he’s fencing his rival is my favorite thing ever.

Season 3, Episode 14: iBloop

Just a fun watch. I honestly wish they did more of these throughout the series. One per season would’ve been a nice treat for the viewers. I know there is a squeal in the latter seasons, but it’s not quite as good. Regardless, seeing the actors who play our beloved characters, goofing off on set, and flubbing their lines is just fun. I love it.

Season 5, Episode 1: iLost My Mind

This last honorable mention is probably not gonna be a popular choice, but it’s my list so whatever. I know, the “Seddie” arc is not remembered fondly by most iCarly fans. Heck, even some of the biggest “Seddiers” out there don’t like it, and I agree that the arc is poorly executed; but, I don’t think the whole thing is bad. It spans across five episodes, from iOMG to iLove You, and in my personal opinion, the arc is good until the third episode, iDate Sam and Freddie. It falls off a cliff from there on, but I’m adamant in my choice to include iLost My Mind as an honorable mention. All in all, this is an overall cute episode, with a sweet ending, and like I mentioned earlier, I’m a total sap for that stuff. That said, it could be a lot better, and that’s why it didn’t crack the top 10.

Alright, now that we’ve gotten the honorable mentions out of the way, let’s move on to the top 10…

10. Season 6, Episode 10: iRescue Carly

I know, I know, this is an odd choice to include. It’s one of the last few episodes in the series. Around this time it was very apparent that the show was winding down. The episode plots were weaker, the bloom was off the rose, and iCarly’s best days were admittedly in the rear view. That said, the show was still one of the most popular shows on Nickelodeon. It may not have been in it’s prime anymore, but it still delivered an enjoyable product to the fans that loved it. But why did I choose to include this episode specifically? Why did it edge out some arguably better episodes from when iCarly was at it’s peak? I’ll tell ya why. Sam Puckett.

It’s no secret that I love the Sam Puckett character, and this episode is nice culmination of the wonderful girl we get to watch her blossom into throughout the series. When we are first introduced to Sam, she is essentially an irritable bully who is mean to most people, except for Carly. At first, it’s even questionable as to why Carly considers this troublesome delinquent to be her best friend; which Carly even acknowledges in the very first episode. But as the series progresses, we learn that Sam isn’t a bad kid, she’s just a little rebellious is all. It’s acknowledged that she grew up without a father, a dysfunctional mother, and a perfect twin sister that most people prefer over her. Her attitude and demeanor is the byproduct of the surroundings in which she grew up, but underneath that rough exterior, Sam has a heart of gold.

The aggressive behavior she often displays can easily be interpreted as a defensive mechanism to protect herself. She has plenty of acquaintances, but doesn’t truly let many people get close to her, and that’s by design. At the start of the series, Carly, and by association, Spencer are the only ones shown to have a legitimate connection with Sam. Freddie would forge that connection shortly thereafter, as the two transition from enemies, to frenemies, to friends, and Gibby would also follow suit later on; but Sam’s inner circle doesn’t really stretch beyond that.

As we follow the rebellious blonde throughout the series, we are made privy to a plethora of moments where Sam drops her guard and displays her compassionate side. This episode captures that side of her beautifully, as she goes to extreme measures to protect her friends, especially Carly. It’s a nice bow on top of her character arc, as we see just how much she’s grown.

9. Season 2, Episode 7: iChristmas

Carly’s miniature arc of taking what she had for granted in this episode is wonderfully told. It has a good message while still skillfully sprinkling in the comedy the show is known for. My favorite thing about this episode is how it displays just how important Carly was to everyone around her. She is the literal glue that holds everyone together, which is made very apparent at the end of series when she leaves for Italy.

8. Season 2, Episode 20: iTwins

Turns out Sam has a twin sister who doesn’t live at home. She is the opposite of Sam in every possible way; she’s well behaved, gets good grades, she’s super friendly, and is a total girly-girl. Honestly, based on what we know, she is the total antithesis of not only Sam, but their entire family.

In this episode we are introduced to Melanie Puckett. What a totally fun concept this was. It’s honestly baffling that they never revisited the Melanie character. She is seldomly mentioned after this episode, but we are never graced with her presence in the series again. I would’ve loved to see her to become a reoccurring character. There was so much potential for fun plots involving her; but even in a one off episode, she left a lasting impression, and secured this episodes’ spot in the top 10.

7. Season 2, Episode 17: iReunite with Missy

Much like I mentioned during number 10, there are a plethora moments in the series where Sam drops her guard, and this episode is chock-full of that. It’s heartbreaking when Sam realizes she can’t do anything to stop Missy’s evil plan to steal Carly as her best friend. The “I’m her best friend,” line Sam shoots in response to Missy during the Groovy Smoothie scene gets me every time. She legitimately sounds upset, and is practically helpless in the moment. Then there is scene towards the end where Carly finds out the truth about Missy, and reconciles her best-friendship with Sam. It’s there we are shown again that Sam has a huge heart buried beneath her attitude when she forgives Carly despite having every right to be upset with her.

This episode is also a total smorgasbord of Sam and Freddie moments too, and I can’t help myself, I love it. From their little spat at the start of the episode to Sam at her most vulnerable when she comes to Freddie for help with the Missy situation, it’s just swimming in cuteness between them. Then of course, it’s revealed at the end that Freddie did help Sam without telling her, and it gives me all the feels. The “You care about Sam,” moment in which Carly calls him out for helping Sam is just my favorite thing.

Maybe I’m a little bias because this episode is so centered on my favorite character, but I don’t care, it’s just great.

6. Season 1, Episode 5: iWanna Stay with Spencer

Starting to notice a trend? Like I mentioned earlier, I’m a sucker for the episodes with sappy, mushy, heartfelt moments in them, and you’ll see that continue throughout this list. This episode hits me right in feels as we just how strong the bond is between Carly and her brother, Spencer. It’s incredibly touching when Spencer is giving his Granddad the rundown of how to properly take care of Carly, and I always get a kick out of the “dinosaurs are cool,” line when Spencer mentions he only gives Carly dinosaur shaped vitamins.

5. Season 4, Episode 9: iOMG

Oh the “Seddie” arc…yes, it’s bad. There are just so many issues with how Sam and Freddie’s relationship was written. If you’re a supporter of their romance like myself, you know how unbelievably frustrating it was to see how terribly the writers fumbled their story. It was exploited merely for shock value, and the actual story that deserved to be told was never a priority. But despite the major issues within the arc, this episode that kicked everything off was wonderful.

In the honorable mentions section, I stated that I think the arc is actually good until the third episode, iDate Sam and Freddie, where everything starts crumbling apart, and iOMG is a testament to that opinion. I absolutely adore the subtle attempts from Sam to get to closer to Freddie, and how awkward she gets she finds out the PearPad app revealed her mood as “in love.” There are definitely minor flaws in both this episode, and iLost My Mind, but they don’t deserve the bad reputation they have simply because the episodes that followed them fumbled the ball. The cliff hanger at the end of this episode and the mere potential it had for a great story to be told is enough for me to include it on this list.

4. Season 3, Episode 3: iSpeed Date

If you haven’t noticed yet, beyond the trend of mushiness that is apparent on this list, there is also a trend of episodes that involve some kind of heavy implications with Sam. Here’s another one.

I love and hate this episode lol. I love that we get more glimpses of Sam’s vulnerable side, but I hate how sad I feel for her as the episode plot plays out; which is a testament to the episode. Not only does she embarrassingly get turned down by Gibby, who she never wanted to ask to their school dance in the first place, she also walks in on Carly dancing with Freddie, unbeknownst to them. That dancing scene at the end has so many implications, and is surprisingly heavy for a kid’s show, honestly. You are left feeling so many emotions for the main trio as the episode concludes. There is a sense of pity for Sam as it is very clearly implied that she’s bothered by what she sees, but happiness combats that feeling as you proudly watch Freddie share that intimate moment with Carly he so desperately wanted for so long. It is happiness, sadness, confusion, and suspense all wrapped up into one scene, and it is fantastic; as is the entire episode.

3. Season 3, Episode 9: iSaved Your Life

Surprised at all? Why would a Sam and Freddie supporter, like myself, rank an episode centered on the pairing of Carly and Freddie in the top 10? Well, simply put, it’s a fantastic episode regardless of personal preference, and I cannot ignore that. There is a reason this was the highest rated episode in the series when it aired, and it’s because it’s fantastic. It scored an enormously high, record setting, television rating for the premier and that is nothing to scoff at. But beyond the record numbers it scored, I chose this episode because I honestly like it. There is a lot to unpack when discussing this episode…so strap in.

Yes, this episode revolves around Carly and Freddie, but it is still an integral part of Sam and Freddie’s relationship in major ways. As the plot unfolds, Freddie goes through a miniature arc in which he finally obtains what he craved for so long, a romantic relationship with Carly, but he ultimately decides to walk away from that relationship when it doesn’t turn out how he envisioned it. This is a crucial moment in Freddie’s overall journey as his character slightly changes from here on out. He practically abandons the constant adoration for Carly that was a staple of his character until that point, and we don’t see it again until Season 6, where it begins to be teased that those feelings still linger; but before the “Creddie” resurrection of Season 6, this episode essentially served as the metaphorical shutting of the door on his childhood crush that never felt the same for him.

Now as one metaphorical door shut, another was opened, one that led to a potential romance with Sam. Obviously, this romance had already been seldomly teased several times in prior episodes, as well as this episode itself, but it was now free from the shackles of its opposition. This admittedly has a lot to do with my personal enjoyment of the episode, and I’ll probably discuss the implications it has between Sam and Freddie in another post at some point. That said, I still enjoy the story told between Carly and Freddie, and I won’t pretend not too. Couple that story with the subtle allusions to Sam and Freddie’s possible romance, and I can’t help but love this episode.

2. Season 2, Episode 8: iKiss

Well, if the last episode I chose came as a surprise at all, I’d be willing to bet that this choice is the exact opposite. What can I say? I love Sam and Freddie to pieces, and this is the first episode centered on their connection. I’d venture to say this is my most watched episode of iCarly. I always re-watch the balcony scene, and it gives me all the feels. That kiss the two characters share at the conclusion of the episode is so well done, and captures the awkwardness of adolescence brilliantly. You literally feel their confusion as they lock lips with each other. The tension between these two constantly argumentative characters is released into a kiss, and you witness them subtly realize there might be a reason behind their sometimes hostile behavior toward one another. Of course, this is not stated outright, but it is absolutely what you’re intended to infer from the scene. It is shot in a way that makes it clear that both Sam and Freddie want to say something more after the kiss, but just don’t know how, resulting in awkward banter before they ultimately retreat into their own solitude. I could honestly write an essay breaking down the every little minute detail in that scene, it’s just so wonderfully done.

The general arc Sam goes through in this episode is also wonderfully told. Early in the episode there is a moment where Sam refers to herself, Carly, and Freddie as all being “friends,” before immediately backtracking and saying that Freddie is merely a “coworker.” There is an obvious denial of any kind relationship between them, even platonically, but we as the audience know better than that. Then of course, Sam later finds out that Freddie has never had a real kiss, and publicly shares that information on iCarly as a prank, but it practically ruins Freddie’s social life. That moves us into the second phase of this arc, in which Sam realizes that her actions have consequences. Carly berates her for being so harsh to Freddie, in a moment that terrifically displays why Carly is such a wonderful character, and Sam is left to harbor the guilt of her choices. This carries us into the third phase of her arc where she faces her emotions head on, and apologizes to Freddie. Even without the kiss that follows, this arc Sam goes through is a tremendous display of growth for an otherwise, closed off, defensive, rebellious teenager. That alone is testament to the excellence that is this episode.

Like I said earlier, I could write an essay on this episode. There is just so many little details that make it so great, and I absolutely love it,

1. Season 6, Episode 13: iGoodbye

So, here we are at number 1, and it’s the series finale, iGoodbye. Is this even a shock? This final episode of iCarly is so freaking good, and there was no way it wasn’t going to claim the number 1 spot for me. Even with the fact that Sam and Freddie get no closure, and just have a general lack of interaction at all during the episode, I still rank at number 1. That’s how good it is.

So, I guess I’ll start with the Sam and Freddie issue since I mentioned that first, just to get the one negative out of the way. This is single flaw this episode has, but it is a major one, and I have to acknowledge it. While they may have a few little moments here and there, Sam and Freddie have an extreme lack of interaction throughout this episode, and it’s incredibly disappointing as a viewer. Of course, to a fan like myself, these two ending up back together would’ve been the ideal outcome, but I digress. Even disregarding the idea of them getting together, the simple fact that they don’t even have a final moment together, even just as friends, is criminal.

But, I ranked this at number 1 for a reason, and it’s because it is fantastic even with that flaw. This finale is a love letter to fans of the series, and is an emotional roller coaster throughout. There are numerous tear jerking moments that tug at the heart strings amazingly hard for a kids show. From Spencer forsaking his long lost love, Audrey, so he can take his little sister to her last dance, to Carly and Sam on the elevator during the final scene, and everything in between, this episode is emotionally beautiful. Both of Spencer’s moments with Carly and Sam respectively are two of my favorite moments in the entire series, and they give me all the feels. The goodbye he and Carly share before she leaves for Italy genuinely makes me cry every time I watch it, and the moment where he gives Sam the motorcycle before telling her she has “a good heart,” is so touching. I adore that “good heart,” line so much, as it validates my favorite character as a good person deep down.

I could go on forever about this episode, but I actually plan on reviewing it as a standalone specifically, in a follow up to myreview/look back at the whole series. So for now, we’ll wrap this list up. iGoodbye is a beautiful finale to a wonderful series, and easily secures its spot as the best episode of iCarly for me.

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