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luckyricochet · 3 years

Note

I want you to answer A-Z on the fandom asks so I can peer into your psyche 👀

Wow I love you. This actually took around three hours since I wanted to think about the answers. See them under the cut!

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

From Hanyou no Yashahime — Sesshomaru and Rin

From The Mandalorian — The Mandomera’s been creeping up a little bit.

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

Honestly can’t think of one. I’m very set in my ships.

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

From Naruto — SasuSaku. Sasuke was cute as a kid so I get Sakura having a crush on him then, but I think she would have gotten over it when he became a homicidal clown who abandoned the village and tried to kill her and her teammates multiple times.

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

From Harry Potter — Ron x Hermione. I’ve always thought their personalities didn’t match and not in the good “opposites attract” kind of way.

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

I only know how to write angst, drama, and introspective musings so no.

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

Over fifteen years in the Harry Potter fandom, but I’ve had to separate that from JKR herself in the recent years.

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

“Have I ever had an OTP”? *laughs from shipping hell*

From The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare — Nat and Kit were my first OTP. Read this book in fifth grade and was immediately loved them. Boy literally risks banishment from the colony to help prove she’s not a witch.

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

I love visual media, so TV, anime, and film

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

I’m not going to let tumblr dot com put me off of a particular show/book/etc. itself, but it has definitely made me think less of certain types of fans who are in a fandom.

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)

The...period drama fandom? More widely, the history fandom. They both create some of the most beautiful edits celebrating history and I love it.

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

From Avatar: The Last Airbender — It’s gotta be Prince Zuko

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)

From Harry Potter — I think Ginny is a Mary Sue but I loved when she stood up for herself in Half-Blood Prince when Ron was trying to slut-shame her.

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

From Parks and Recreation — Leslie Knope. Unending positive affirmations, thoughtfulness, and support!

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

I don’t really have a main fandom but I haven’t mentioned Free! yet so let’s go with it for this one.

1. Less Nitori because I can’t stand him.

2. More female characters! I get half the appeal is the boys, but I’d love to see a girls swim team in some capacity.

3. More Haru and his family dynamics! Doesn’t have to be a ton, but I want to know what his relationship with his parents like, especially as an adult.

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

Salt and the Sea - The Lumineers. “From the destruction, out of the flame. You need a villain, give me a name.” Such an Odesta song. (Finnick x Annie from the Hunger Games)

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

For The Mandalorian — A historical AU set in early 1900s New York City where Mando’s just some government agent sent to “report” on slum conditions to satisfy some housing law. He goes meaning to write up a generic report but then finds the orphaned Baby Yoda abandoned in one of the tenements. Shocked by the conditions of the slums, Mando goes from being an apathetic, middling-level bureaucrat to being an anonymous investigative journalist reporting on the corruption in the government that allows for the city’s most vulnerable citizens to live in squalor, leading the government on a search to find who within their ranks is exposing them.

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.

Sherlock, because it just took so long for the third series to come out. I had moved on to other fandoms by the time it did. Still have fond memories of when I was active in it, though.

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

From Lord of the Rings — Aragorn and Legolas. This is played up a lot more in the films but I love it.

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

For Lord of the Rings — Boromir definitely taught Faramir swordplay when they were little kids since their father didn’t want to.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

From Hanyou no Yashahime — Rin made the first move. Sesshomaru would be way too clueless to even know how to go about it.

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

From Pirates of the Caribbean — James Norrington: Commodore in the Royal Navy during the 18th century, must I explain any further? Cool, calm, and collected on the job while looking v good while he does it but a nervous wreck in front of the woman he fancies. Tell me that’s not straight out of Austen.

From Star Wars (OT) — Luke Skywalker: An unapologetically good person in a crapsack world, doing his best to bring light into the world. A classic hero archetype who grows out of his naïveté to become a cunning—but still benevolent—Jedi.

From Prince of Tennis — Yukimura Seiichi: His duality is *chef’s kiss*. Super scary and in charge on the court, gentle sweet boy who loves art and culture off the court. He struggled for so long but was able to overcome it all through his hard work and willpower.

Bonus favorite, because I couldn’t resist...

From Band of Brothers — Doc Roe: He’s doing the MOST for his guys but he really just needs a hug. Plus he’s got the accent.

V - Which character do you relate to most?

From Little Women — Jo March, especially as portrayed by Saoirse Ronan in the 2019 adaptation. Writer, holds grudges, opinionated, stubborn, eschewed “girliness” in her youth but is more open to it and romanticism as an adult.

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

I’ve gotten to the point where even the hint of a love triangle tests my patience.

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

It’s about the yearning: Longing Look

Also will definitely always ship the Brooding Boy and the Gentle Girl

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

Anything in the MCU or general superhero content.

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)

I love fandom so much. I’m sort of facetious about being obsessed with people who aren’t real on my other social media accounts, but in all seriousness, being able to escape the real world to get excited over characters and relationships that face their own struggles, triumphs, and emotions is such a gift. So often they speak so powerfully on the human experience—How can you read, or watch, any of Tolkien’s work and not be moved by what he has to say about humanity and the power of good? Even if the stories are fictional, the messages they impart about life aren’t, which is what I love so much about them.

#itsacanofpeachessir #ask

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shadow13dickpistons · 3 years

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Uhhh do SHADOW for the ask meme

Oooh, what a fun idea!

Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

I had two asks with Ss in them, but no prompts! So, okay, there’s the obvious ones, (Aldarion spending so much time in Middle-Earth because he’s giving the D to Gil-galad, Sting as originally being a dagger for Idril), now I’m really scratching my head....OH! Here’s a controversial take and something I was thinking about today: Fingon and Maedhros not being married, because of the cousin taboo.

Alright, alright, alright, so: Fingon’s rescued Maedhros, the rift is healed, yay everything. Fingolfin pulls Fingon aside and is like, “Son, you know I need you to marry. Preferably a woman.” Argon is dead; Turgon will have no other children beyond Idril; Fingolfin has the preternatural knowing that he will not survive against Morgoth - their people are going to look to Fingon. And what will he then do, marry his own cousin?? How can he do this, the Noldor need him.

Yeahhhh, it’s angsty. All about how Fingon does what dad wants, marries a Sindar of Cirdan’s people, has Gil; but still goes to Maedhros at the drop of a hat (oh, they fuckin’). But yeah, the metas on why Russingon doesn’t violate the cousin taboo are valid, but imo, it’s impossible for Fingon and Maedhros to have any kind of happy ending, and I am firmly in the Gil-galad-as-Fingon’s-son camp. (This got longer than anyone expected.)

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., tv shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)

I’m not sure I entirely understand this question, what kind of fandoms do I gravitate to? Cause “source text” to me is, like......what sources do you site in your fan participation. If the former, idk, anything that strikes my fancy. The latter, specifically for Tolkien (because that’s all I care about anymore), I’m one of those tiresome people who prefers the books to the films, so first and foremost the actual text. For easy retrieval, I tend to use Tolkien Gateway, but about the only thing I strongly disagree on with that is their take on Gil-galad, so there you have it. The One Wiki to Rule Them All is good, not quite AS good for book stuff, but great for film and game stuff. (But then again they have the “correct” take on Gil-galad, so.)

A - Your current OTP(s)/OT3(s)/OTX(s)

-rubs hands in glee-

Okay, okay, okay. So.......this is just Tolkien. Cause that’s all I care about now. But, in no particular order (caps are “I will lose my mind over this ship,” non-caps are just “I like/write for it.”):

Aredhel/Eol

Beren/Luthien

TUOR/IDRIL

I....oof, look, it’s not that I LIKE Turin/Nienor it’s that.....I’m so compelled....like a fuckin’ train wreck, yo.....too fascinating....

ELROND/CELEBRIAN

ARAGORN/ARWEN

Gimli/Legolas

BILBO/THORIN

Frodo/Sam/Rose (also acceptable: Frodo/Sam, Sam/Rose. My only OT3 ever, really.)

Faramir/Eowyn

Eomer/Lothiriel

Boromir/Theodred (also acceptable: aro/ace Boromir)

Dwalin/Ori

Celebrimbor/Fem!Narvi (this could quickly veer into I will lose my mind territory)

Is it weird I’m kinda into Elrond and Gilraen comforting each other and being a lowkey couple?

I can’t believe I almost forgot Sauron/Melkor, the OG power couple

I think that’s.....more than plenty.

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t (again: be nice)

God I want to like Caranthir/Haleth. Well, I DO like Caranthir/Haleth. I just......I just really believe Haleth likes the ladies.....Fully here for Caranthir realizing he’s pining from afar, though. Like God, this should really be my type, but I just.....

I’m not as into Russingon as so much of the fandom is, but I don’t dislike it. But I’m really not part of the Feanorian hype train, don’t fully get it.

O - Choose a song at random, which ship or character does it remind you of

God, I don’t have all my music on my laptop and I don’t really use Spotify, I’m not sure I CAN do something random.....Let me see.....RANDOM PANDORA???

Niiiiice, “Rebel, Rebel.” Damn, you know, I feel like I just had a thought about this the other day.....Let me think here.....Yeah, sorry, I got nothing. If you want me to redo this one, by all means.

W - 5 favorite ships and 5 kinks you like best for said ships

Oh man, oh man, oh man. Uhhhhhhhh. God, it would really help if I were kinkier.

Bilbo/Thorin and I don’t know how to explain this one, but like.......power bottom Bilbo??? Like, sure, it looks like Thorin’s in charge, but whose hand is he eating out of, does that make sense?

NO, SAME ONE AGAIN, SEX ON THE THRONE DURING THORIN’S GOLD SICKNESS, THAT HAS TO COUNT AS A PUBLIC SEX KINK. Not, like, IN public, like at night, but they could get caught.

.........................same one again, banging on the gold, Bilbo only wearing the mithril. I’m not sorry.

If I say Gimli/Legolas can I just say “all” for kinks? I mean.....................leather, for a start.

You know what, I’m going to throw a curve and say “Ar-Pharazon and Sauron, bondage. But the whole time, Sauron is plotting in the downfall of Numenor and dreaming of sex with Melkor.”

“What about Aragorn/Arwen?” He’s a virgin until the wedding night, give him a SECOND.

Omg, that was so fun, I hope it wasn’t boring. Keep ‘em coming, guys!

#ask meme #fandom asks #shadow13 #shadow131 #russingon #bagginshield #thilbo #gigolas #Anonymous

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c-c-cherry · 4 years

Text

Restless Nights

Basically just a vent fic. Happy Holidays you rascals.

**A BEFORE-FIC MESSAGE**- This is part of a lil AU that I’m working on where the fellowship end up all coming back to Gondor once they finish their travels and settle what they need to settle. Set after the defeat of Sauron but before the Grey Havens.

DESCRIPTION: Legolas is angsty and needs some comfort. Angst, H/C, fluff

Word count: 2372

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“G-ah!”

A startled gasp followed by a momentary loss of breath jerked the elf awake in breathlessness. He clutched the sides of his sheets ferociously. His breath came out in short bursts as he watched as Gimli slept soundly beside him, snoring every couple of breaths. An onslaught of frustrated tears blurred his vision as he felt his body, drenched with sweat.

He could barely remember what the dream --nightmare-- was about. Only falling, disappointment, and the oncoming feeling of dread that gave him a sour taste in his mouth when he finally woke up.

“Legolas?”

A soft, groggy voice from somewhere in the darkness around him caused a startled sob to escape his throat, his breath shuddering as he looked around to find the voice somewhere in the jet black room, sheeted with darkness. It sounded like one of the hobbits... Frodo?

“Are you alright?” the faint glow of the moonlight through the window showed the culprit to be, unsurprisingly, Frodo, his large eyes glistening with worry.

“I’m fine,” he mumbled, managing to say without his voice breaking. He wobbled up, barely trusting his legs, stepping past all of his friends sleeping soundly beside him in various spots on the wooden floor.

Ignoring Frodo’s question and walking past him quickly, Legolas softly opened the door to the nice wooden cottage and swiftly shut it behind him and staggering across the balcony to the edge of the roof. Using his left foot first, he quickly climbed up on the roof and sat on the flattest surface of the roof, basking in the moonlight and the stars glittering above him.

Elvish instincts never go away- no matter how long you’ve been away from--

A shred of guilt sliced through him like a sword. A near 2 years had passed since the destruction of the ring, and he had yet to return to Mirkwood to address his father--and his people--about the decisions he’d made. He sighed. Although he already knew exactly what Thranduil would say, he couldn’t help but feel a slight lingering feeling to tell his kin what had become of him.

He could already feel his heartbreak at the thought of having to choose between his people and his new life. Maybe he didn’t have to if he just didn’t return to Mirkwood. Even if he did, what would he even say?

“It’s been a long time, Ada. Sorry I disappeared for years without a word! Also, I’m living in upper Minas Tirith among mortal men and I’m also engaged to a dwarf! How have you been?”

He could already see the looks of horrors on his fellow elves’ faces. He could just hear the endless questions about why there was such a large, binding braid in his hair and what it represented.

Maybe that’s what his dream was about. He couldn’t remember anything about it anyway, which may or may not be a good thing.

Normally he would be fine with just Gimli by his side at night. It had been fine for the past year and a half...But lately, his nightmares became worse and worse as the shock of the war slowly left him these past few years. He didn’t even want to think about what Gimli would think if he woke him up because of some silly dream. It wasn’t fair to him. He deserved to sleep soundly.

Thank the Valar that Gimli was an extremely heavy sleeper.

Feeling tears of frustration build up in his eyes, he closed them softly and let the crisp, night breeze hit his face. He was surrounded by people that loved him, but he just felt alone. Just him and his worries. He and his problems. Him and his--

“There you are.”

The gentle voice nearly made the elf jump, but (barely) kept his composure to look behind him. Legolas frowned, peering around the roof. How in middle-earth did he…?

“Frodo...how did you get up here?” Legolas asked, surprised. Frodo shrugged, the carefree hobbit smiling softly.

“Never underestimate what a hobbit is capable of. Sam and I did survive Mordor, after all.”

Legolas sighed, shaking his head and resuming his position on the roof, knees tucked into his chest. Maybe a sleepover wasn’t the best place for someone with a terrible time sleeping, but it was hard not to since everyone had agreed to be in the same place for once.

They had planned these little “hangouts” once they had all agreed to spend a little more time in Gondor, and Legolas didn’t want to be the one person that flaked out. If he flaked, Gimli would most certainly flake too, no matter how much he loved spending time with everyone.

Frodo and Sam had packed up their stuff from their cute little Gondorian cottage in the rural area of Minas Tirith. “The ring-bearers deserve only the best” the people of Gondor had said once it was decided that Frodo and Sam were to stay in Gondor before making the long journey to the Shire.

Merry and Pippin would stumble in with all of Middle-earth’s booze (which Gimli very much enjoyed), Aragorn would travel down from the castle and leave Faramir in charge whilst he took a small break once in a while, while they all crammed into a nice, secluded, wooden house in the Upper-town and had a nice night once in a while.

Gandalf was… where in Middle-earth was Gandalf? No one knew. He had left on some “trip” after Aragorn and Arwen were wed and Aragorn was crowned king, and hadn’t returned to Gondor since then. People say he’d turned up on the outskirts of Rohan, but the wizard was quite a mystery.

He didn’t seem like a sleepover kind of guy, anyway.

Legolas was initially worried about the others; while Gimli was a heavy sleeper, he was worried about waking the others up. Thankfully, it seemed like everyone else was prone to sleep pretty soundly at night, and he had yet to wake anyone up. Legolas would think that everyone would be sleeping in safety and comfort after the hardships they had been through…but Frodo was never the same after that ring.

Curse those easily-awakened, ever-vigilant eyes.

“So you haven’t told him yet, I’m guessing?” the hobbit asked nonchalantly. Legolas felt his whole body freeze up.

“What?”

“Gimli. You haven’t told him about the nightmares, yet. Or anyone else. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be outside alone, would you?”

Legolas swallowed instinctively. How in Middle-earth did Frodo know about it? Oh well, that was a question for another late night, he supposed.

“No, I haven’t.”

Frodo narrowed his large, glimmering eyes and inched a bit closer to him. The roof creaked a bit under the weight, and Legolas wondered for a moment if it would wake anyone else up, but reconsidered, as they all seemed to be snoring quite peacefully.

“Why?” the waning question split his heart in two, and he suddenly felt guilt gnaw away at him. He had been keeping things from the people he trusted most, wasn’t he? Did that make him a liar?

“It didn’t seem that important,” he mumbled half-heartedly, knowing what a stupid reply it was. Frodo unsurprisingly was not convinced.

“All right, then. Keep your secrets.” Frodo replied, and Legolas swore he recognized that saying. Feeling the guilty feeling worsen, he sighed loudly and stared intently at his feet.

“I was...I was scared...alright?”

Frodo raised an eyebrow, not following. Legolas felt the heat rise to his cheeks as the silence between them became deafening.

“Scared of what?”

Months of insecurities finally boiled over, and Legolas found himself spewing word vomit in place of proper sentences.

“That-that maybe Gimli wouldn’t love me anymore! That maybe he doesn’t deserve to be with someone who’s as messed up as me! Maybe I’m terrified that I’ll have to return to Mirkwood once everyone gets tired of me! Maybe I’m afraid of the fact that Gimli might just leave me, and maybe I’m scared--scared of everyone finding out just how horrible I am!” the elf replied, snapping at the hobbit. Legolas barely noticed he was breathing rather heavily.

“Sat-satisfied, hobbit?” he spoke in a shuddering breath.

Frodo was silent for a moment before wrapping his arms around his shaking friend. Legolas didn’t even notice how hard he was shaking until Frodo grounded him with a hug, letting him bury his face into his chest and try to regain his composure again. Tears threatened to fall, but he ceased them to. He had to keep some of his composure.

“Funny, knowing how long you’ve known Aragorn, I would guess that he would be the first one you would tell about all this stuff,” Frodo said in curiosity. Legolas pulled away from him for a moment in response.

He sighed, letting the breeze blow through his hair. “Aragorn seems...different. He’s more occupied with the kingdom, Arwen, the children he’s no doubt going to have very soon...he has more responsibilities now than to just put up with me.”

“Now whoever said that?”

A familiar voice had them both jump to attention as Aragorn stood on the balcony below them, looking out at the scenery of his kingdom.

“Evening Frodo, Legolas. What a beautiful night it is.” he turned and smiled up at the couple sitting on the roof, “Another nightmare?”

Legolas practically fell off the roof. How the hell did Aragorn know? He glared at Frodo, who meekly shrugged. Aragorn walked towards the ivy wall where they got up to the roof and smiled.

“Frodo hasn’t told me anything if you want to know. He’s not the only one with good observational skills.” Aragorn chuckled, climbing up the wall in a couple of swift movements, “You’re practically an open book, Mellon nin.”

Legolas felt himself blush, wondering just how much Aragorn had heard.

“How long have you been out here?” he stuttered, his heart beating a mile a minute.

“Long enough to hear just about everything.” the king replied, crawling across the roof and sitting on the other side of the elf. Legolas felt dread fill him. Of course, he had heard everything.

“Mellon nin, this does not concern me, and I’ve been holding off on talking with you just in case things would resolve themselves. But clearly, they haven’t. Something is not boding well with you.”

Legolas stayed silent.

“I would never forget about you, mellon.” His soft, understanding voice of his old friend caused him to lose his breath. It was ironic, he remembered being Estel’s comforting hand when he was a young child, still new to the world. Now he was a king. A king.

Why did that phrase sound so familiar?

Then it hit him.

A king. He was supposed to take over Thranduil’s position as king of Mirkwood. He wasn’t a dubbed a prince for nothing. But it had been so long since he had returned to Mirkwood...was the arrangement still into play? Would Mirkwood still accept him as a king? Was he even ready? And the wedding, the engagement, would that even be possible anymore? Could he even marry a non-elf if he was to be king?

He knew the answer to everything, but he couldn’t bear to think about it any longer. A breath caught in his throat.

Aragorn noticed the elf’s distress and called for Frodo to give the two of them a few minutes. The hobbit nodded understandingly.

“Of course.”

The elf and king sat on the edge of the roof as Frodo crept back inside the sleeping cottage, leaving the two of them alone. Silence followed deafeningly. Legolas felt his heart pound rapidly, awaiting what his friend was going to say.

“You need to talk to Gimli.” he finally said. It was too gentle.

“I know.” he choked back, barely trusting his voice.

“And I need you to talk to me.”

“I-I know...”

A desperate whimper escaped him as Aragorn enveloped him into a hug, and Legolas felt warmth fill him. Such a coldness had filled him since the absence of fighting in his life, and he hadn’t felt so safe in so long.

“I know that things are hard right now, Legolas. Believe me, I do.” Aragorn said softly, grasping his friend and letting him bury his face into his cloak, “We can help. I can help. You just have to talk to us.”

“I don’t want to go back..” was all the elf could whimper, his shaking arms crossed over his chest, his frame shaking like a hunted, wounded animal.

“You don’t have to go anywhere. You can stay right here, Legolas. I promise you.” the king said reassuringly, but his cries only got louder. He had a feeling that he might have been talking about Mirkwood. Only his homeland provoked so much emotion out of him. Not necessarily good emotion.

Eventually, the elf calmed down and cleared his throat, sitting up and out of Aragorn’s arms with a pained look on his face.

“I’m sorry.” he sniffled, flicking away the last of his tears.

“I cannot accept your apology, for you have nothing to apologize for, mellon nin.”

Legolas laughed dryly and smiled teary-eyed at his hands.

“Mr. Strider?”

Both looked down at the balcony to see Frodo had stepped outside holding a mug of something warm. Aragorn inquired the hobbit, who smiled warmly.

“I hope I’m not intruding on anything, but I seemed to have woken someone up on the way in,” Frodo said sheepishly. Aragorn nodded understandingly and hopped down from the roof.

“It’s about time we get off this roof then, isn’t it?” he gestured to Legolas, who grabbed his hand weakly and climbed down onto the balcony. The elf felt exhaustion take over his body, and he turned to the door to the cottage, freezing in his tracks.

“Gimli.”

The dwarf stared concerned at his fiance, and Legolas saw nothing but love in his eyes. Legolas felt the tracks that were still wet on his face, and he suddenly felt very self-conscious.

Legolas was about to open his mouth, but Gimli just shook his head and pulled him into a warm hug. The thoughts that plagued him vanished just for that moment.

And Legolas felt nothing but love.

#lord of the rings #angst #hurt/comfort #crying #nightmares #fellowship #frodo x sam #legolas x gimli #frodo baggins #samwise gamgee #legolas greenleaf #gimli son of gloin #gandalf #aragorn #merry brandybuck #pippin took #c-c-cherry's fic

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blindestspot · 6 years

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No Bastard Ever Won a War by Dying for His Country

Over the past year I've gotten a lot of asks about Jon and what I think is going on with him. During that time I've also managed to calm down about the inconsistent number of redshirts during the Wight Hunt. Yes, I remember that this was a thing that happened, along with a bunch of other dei ex machina, like Cersei's brilliant strategies for everything, Jon's repeated, increasingly dumb survivals and the whole Winterfell plot.

But calming down about them meant that I could think about Game of Thrones again in a manner that kind of naively assumes that the work is coherent . That 2+2=4, not 5, or orange, or a tiger. And this is what I think is going on with Jon and why it is so crucial to the whole work.

George R.R. Martin once said that A Song of Ice and Fire is supposed to have a bittersweet ending. Now that phrase covers a lot of ground. A bittersweet ending might be just ASOIAF's Scouring of the Shire (which at this stage is assured) and a few good guys passing into the Great Beyond (also nearly certain) – which would be a copy of Lord of the Rings.

A bittersweet ending might also be Davos, Brienne and Sam emerging alone from the rubble like the unhappy winners of a Battle Royale. A few good guys surviving would technically make the ending not a complete downer and thus "bittersweet".

However, a more nuanced look at a bittersweet ending should look beyond mere survival and destruction but at an ending that irrevocably changes the characters and how and what we think of them.

An issue that strikes readers as unrealistic about Lord of the Rings is that a lot of its human and hobbit-y heroes move on from the events of the story into psychologically very ordinary, uncomplicated lives that they would have lead even without the events of the story. Sam, Merry, Pippin's (and to a lesser degree Faramir, Aragorn and Eowyn's) easy passing into normalcy feels vaguely hollow.

If GRRM really plans to have a realistic take on Lord of the Rings and its "bittersweet" ending (and with his complaints about Aragorn's tax policy it appears that this is a crucial element of ASOIAF), then obviously he is going to continue what he has been doing all along and create an interplay between narrative events and characterization. Take Arya, for example. In the early parts of AGoT she would have not wanted to become a Faceless Man – for obvious reasons. But Arya from a few books later, after events have matured and traumatized her, wants to become one. And that choice will again impact her characterization and that will in turn impact future events.  It is logical that this interplay will continue right up until the end. So speculation has to take into account that these characters are dynamic and can be pushed by events into new directions. And not just "can" – but will be.

The question is not who will be alive to experience the Scoured Shire but who they will be at this point. And that change shouldn't just be cosmetic or physical, it needs to be psychological, visible, noticeable and profound. We shouldn't get an Aragorn who just walks into a kingship after a two battles, marries the cute elf girl and then doesn't have a tax plan.

And obviously, I am not talking about Gilly. I am very much talking about ASOIAF's Aragorn. I am talking about Jon.

...

Now here is a hypothetical scenario for Season 8: Jon with the help of Dany and her dragons (and, to paraphrase Roger Ebert, the usual stock characters who fight every fictional war for us, even those in space), fight the White Walkers, win, then fight Cersei, then win (the order of this is might be reversed) and then Jon's revealed to be true heir and has to rebuild Westeros.

How does any of this really change and mature Jon as a character? How does being right about everything (the White Walkers being the real threat), then leading a righteous force to victory over evil make him a realistic take on Aragorn?

It doesn't. 

What Jon needs after five books and seven season of making serviceable to great, sensible, ethical, right strategic choices (with admittedly a number of great tactical errors in between) is being wrong. And not just being wrong about failing to communicate to his sworn brothers what his strategy is, not just wrong about going on that Wight Hunt, not just wrong to send Sam away, not just lightly ethically challenged for exchanging a pair of babies against one mother's will or misleading his love interest on his commitment to her political cause... but wrong in a truly profound way that the audience cannot blame on stupidity or short-sightedness.

I admit that calling it "wrong" or even "profoundly wrong" is a bit of misnomer. What I am trying to get at is the character going into a direction where the audience cannot and should not easily follow. Those actions would be too alien as might be their rationalizations. These actions should strike the audience as questionable, reprehensible, immoral, unethical, or dishonorable.

A perhaps too perfect example of such an action is Cersei firing up the Sept. It's mass murder and it's intended by her to be mass murder. If anyone in the audience found it not reprehensible and immoral, I would have some questions for these people.

But Cersei firing up the Sept was a success. Her survival was at stake - and she survived. Before her kingdom was full of powerful enemies and afterwards it wasn't. And she even snatched the Iron Throne afterwards despite having no royal Targaryen or Baratheon ancestry.

In realpolitik terms, Cersei made the "right" choice. All other choices would have lead to her death. The first rule of anything is that you cannot do anything if you're dead.

And frankly, that's a lesson Jon desperately needs to learn. His twice-tried strategy of rushing alone against an army of his enemies is idiotic. It might be honorable for a war leader to be the first person on the battlefield but it's not a winning war strategy.

It's not a nice thing to say, but it's necessary for a war time general or commander to be willing to have other people die for him and his goal. And not just for him but in front of him, literally shielding him. An army commander who isn't willing to ensure his own survival, is gambling with such terrible odds that he has already lost the war.

Cersei's strategy of killing her enemies instead of allowing herself to be killed is profoundly wrong, immoral and yet Jon needs understand that when mankind's survival are at stake an immoral action like that might be a necessary choice.

His attempt to drown in an ice lake alone is a sign that at this point he hasn't understood the necessity of being alive to lead a war at all. As George S. Patton put it: "no poor bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb son-of-a-bitching bastard die for his country."

Out of all our main protagonists, Jon has never been willing to play as dirty as it should be necessary for an apocalyptic fight such as his. Unlike Sansa's willingness to go along with Littlefinger's nefarious plans for her cousin in the Vale, Arya's willingness to kill potentially innocent people for the Faceless Men, Tyrion raping a prostitute and killing Shae, the torture of innocents during Dany’s Slavers’s Bay arc, Bran warging Hodor... Jon has nothing in his arc that is as dark, dishonorable or questionable as these things. Jon appears to be a character class apart, like the hero of a more classic fantasy epic.

Is this because Jon's so special that his arc is a whole different genre or is this because he hasn't leveled up in realpolitik yet?

Or is there perhaps even a third option to deal with his relative over-the-top good guy characterization?

***

You know, when it comes to stories about morality like Game of Thrones a crucial factor for their success is not just the quality of the good guys but also the quality of the villains.

And what makes a compelling villain?

IMO, they hit more than one of these characteristics:

1. They are well-rounded, fully realized characters, drawn with the same care as the heroes.

2. They are able to win against the good guys. They are not a cardboard that will be blown over once the heroes wave a magic stick or sword around.

3. Their evil deeds get an emotional reaction out of the audience. (Most audiences tend to have a vague discomfort with CGI mass carnage while reacting to a well-executed scene of high school bullying with actual empathy or even horror.)

4. Their motivations are understandable, perhaps even sympathetic. At best they are a well-intentioned extremist, utilitarianism gone wrong, rather than setting stuff on fire because their mom was mean to them once.

Now looking at this list, it becomes obvious that GOT has a problem with its current crop of villains. Any of the three that are left (Cersei, the Night King, Euron) could be the Final Boss – to use a video game term. But none of them are very compelling villains. Two of them are inhuman monsters. To call their characterization shallow would be an insult to puddles.

And Cersei, the only one with a decent characterization (and some past Mean Girls bullying sins of her own) suffers from being incredibly stupid in the books, having a prophecy running against her and stealing Aegon from Essos' story in the show. In other words, Cersei's chances of success and survival and actually making it this far in the books are as good as that of a snowflake on a hot summer's day. One suspects that she is a show-only final-ish villain, so if one looks for GRRM’s final-ish villains, they would not find Cersei.

Talking about chances of success – the Night King isn’t winning this either. Because then ASOIAF would reveal itself to be a nihilistic mess in which all the human storylines were nothing but shaggydog stories. So the Night King is bound to melt in the summer sun along with Cersei. There is little question about it. And is Euron "was he even mentioned in the first book?" Greyjoy really going to win the Iron Throne in the end? Is anyone taking this possibility seriously?

And what are their motivations? Ambition, being evil and being anti-human. None of them are particularly sympathetic.

In one word, GOT's current crop of villains is not particularly exciting – especially if you compare them with some of the villains that came before them. And if one of these three is the Final Boss, he or she is gonna be lame.

But a lame Final Boss is actually a great tradition in the genre. In Lord of the Rings Sauron appears to be literally two-dimensional and about as interesting as a character. (Gollum gets to be the well-written villain and he is doing very little damage to the world at large.) Voldemort in Harry Potter is completely outshone as the most despised, scary villain of the series by the one-book-wonder Dolores Umbridge who excels at committing low-key evil deeds that make every reader/viewer wince in sympathy. The Emperor in the original Star Wars trilogy is... there and then dead and has fewer fans than a one-line bounty hunter. And the same fans that endlessly shout "Han shot first", don't even appear to care that he got a complete face replacement in the Special Editions. And if there is one consistent complaint about the Marvel Cinematic Universe, it's that its villains tend to be boring and forgettable. Yet they're lame and forgettable to the tune of billions of box office dollars.

So a lame Final Boss for the heroes to fight... that is indeed a thing. And that might be just the thing GOT/ASOIAF is doing. This is what we have to seriously consider. We are likely to get a MCU villain... you know on the level of Ronan the Destroyer or Malekith, the Dark Elf. And you probably need to google in which movies those two turned up.

That would be a terrible let down.

Or maybe it's not actually that terrible of a thing? Because if our final boss and villain is not Cersei, the Night King, or Euron, it's a good guy gone bad. Someone who is currently fighting on the side of the living before becoming someone who needs to be fought.

It's possible that this is in the cards. After "Ozymandias", the penultimate episode of Breaking Bad, aired, GRRM wrote on his blog that "Walter White is a bigger monster than anyone in Westeros, I need to do something about that."

The thing is that White appeared to start out as a sympathetic if flawed hero you were rooting for even as he was making meth. What made White monstrous is not doing depraved psycho shit beyond comprehension (like nailing a living, pregnant woman to a ship like Euron Greyjoy) but that he appears to evolve into this monster before the audience's eyes.

Breaking Bad tricks the audience into liking a character for much longer than he ever deserved and that becomes crystal clear in that penultimate episode. If GRRM wants a monster like White he can't use his old, repetitive trick of making a one-dimensional psychopath do depraved stuff. He has to logically progress a character we root for into a monster.

(Of course, GRRM might also not be able to pull it off, however much he wants to. It could be that he has not prepared the ground to make a main character go Walter White and thus it will always fall short of Breaking Bad's accomplishment. Sure, Greyworm or Dolorous Edd could become evil and monstrous but even GRRM should know that's not quite the same as making your main protagonist evil.

I might also be wrong on GRRM understanding what makes Walter White feel so monstrous. The first big sign that White took the road down to hell is not an act of murder or sadism but simply not helping someone who is choking to death. His monstrosity is based in a three-dimensional characterization, not in particularly outrageous acts of evil. He is monstrous because he used to be likable. If GRRM doesn't see that, he might actually think that one-dimensional psychopath Euron nailing his pregnant girlfriend to a ship is nailing the same kind of monstrosity.

He also could be talking about a plot point we now know about but that he has not published yet – like Stannis burning Shireen. So one should be careful looking for ASOIAF's Walter White.)

Interestingly enough, the trick Breaking Bad is pulling is quite old. White isn't making meth by chance, it was the worst thing his creator could think of besides him becoming an arms dealer. The twist of Breaking Bad's "Ozymandias" is actually not that White becomes bad but that he has always been bad. You'll find a similar character in Humbert Humbert in Nabokov's Lolita where his monstrosity is barely a plot twist and even Milton's Paradise Lost where it's none at all. (The trope of the protagonist being a piece of shit throughout the whole story usually goes down as "villain protagonist" and the list of stories containing one is pretty expansive.) But the plot twist of a surprise villain protagonist is such an old one that Aesop already codified it in his fable "The Farmer and the Viper" around 600 B.C. (Farmer helps harmless looking viper, then viper bites him because it's a viper. And has been a viper all along. Duh.)

Now if Dany, for example, turned into a villain then she would fall squarely into villain protagonist territory. But the fun thing is that doesn't mean that she is already one. The viper is not a villain until Aesop has it biting the farmer. If Dany decides to slaughter her future subjects by the thousands just so she can have the Iron Throne (and this is portrayed as despicable) then this will be in line with the Dany from the first season/AGoT who wanted the Dothraki to wage their type of warfare (pillaging, raping, enslaving, killing) onto thousands of her future subjects, so she could have the Iron Throne. But that doesn't mean that Dany will cross this particular moral event horizon.

Whether Dany will turn out to be a villain protagonist is not a question of foreshadowing. It's a question whether the authorial intent will will it into existence. The viper is a poisonous snake but if the author hasn't it biting the farmer, that poison doesn't matter at all.

Now Dany is a well-rounded character (same as Cersei) and might be difficult to defeat but her most likely, hypothetical, evil deed (mass carnage via dragon) is not particularly compelling and neither is ambition as her motivation. Villainous Dany is about as compelling as Cersei. Keeping Cersei for so long when there is Villainous Dany in the wings strikes me as a weak narrative choice: “Meet your new villain, same as the old villain...” The difference would be the element of surprise but that's a paltry surprise, especially since Villainous Dany was supposed to be The Big Plot Twist.

Honestly, Dany as the mass-carnage causing, ambitious type of villain is a low-hanging fruit. Call me edgy, but it's just nowhere near "Ozymandias". It's Boromir getting seduced by the Ring.

And there are not a lot of precedents for that storyline in ASOIAF. You know the story of a good guy gone beyond redemption evil. There is Theon, whose ambition, jealousy and insecurity drove him into sacking Winterfell and killing two children – but even he turned out to be not to be beyond redemption. There is Catelyn, but she goes crazy and becomes a zombie, so it's hard to compare.

But there is, of course, the most compelling, interesting and meaningful character arc of a good guy gone bad: Stannis Baratheon. But he isn’t a good precedent for a mass-carnage causing, ambitious type of villain.

***

You see, Stannis starts out as not exactly the most sympathetic character: he burns people and places of worship, he is a religious nut, he has his brother killed. But after getting defeating at the Battle of Blackwater, his arc does a 180. He gets the call from the North to save the realm, and out of all of the five Kings involved in the war of the same name, he is the only one he realizes that in order to "win the realm, you have to save the realm."

That isn't a coincidence. Stannis is also the only king who fights for a higher purpose. Joffrey, Balon, Robb, and Renly just fight for power (be it the power over all of Westeros or the power that lies in independence). Stannis is fighting not just for power but also for his religion, for his one true god; he is fighting a crusade. That out of all the kings, the king who believes that his religion will save Westeros ends up wanting to save it from a supernatural threat is not a coincidence. One thing clearly causes the other.

And once he makes this choice, Stannis, the Mannis (as he was lovingly called by his fans once upon a time) always fights the bad guys, he fights for the living. Of course, he doesn't stop being a religious nut, he doesn't stop burning people, he is inflexible in his beliefs, he still thinks he is the chosen one, he is Azor Ahai, he is the One True King, he belongs on the Iron Throne. But he is also the man who executes soldiers of his army who rape. He has good sides. But what weighs so heavily in his favor is that out of all the people in power in Westeros, he is fighting the bad guys.

And that matters – until it doesn't when Stannis strikes out to fight the Boltons. The Boltons are special because they are despicable without exceptions. Even the Freys have Robb's squire in their midst to have that one decent family member/bannerman that all of Westeros' notable houses appear to have. All but the Boltons anyway. There is not a good or decent living Bolton. They are the literal worst Westeros has to offer.

And yet, Stannis manages to cross a moral event horizon that makes everyone forget that he is doing it to fight the Worst. And that moral event horizon is not the sacking of a city, the killing of hundred of thousands. He is not extinguishing a house or a people. He manages it, doing something every single GOT character could do right now (save for little Sam.) He kills a single person.

And he doesn't come back from that. Like a proper Ozymandias, his hubris, his pretension to predestined, prophecied greatness is followed by his inevitable decline. Killing Shireen has Stannis losing his real world fans and his in-story followers, his wife, his fight, his priestess, his army, his purpose and consequently his life. He proves very quickly that not all ends justify all means. He is the living embodiment of the Friedrich Nietzsche quotation that "those who fight monsters should take care that in the process they do not become monsters themselves."

Stannis' final turn into villainy is actually paralleled by something another character does in ASOIAF. Except he is not a character we meet; he is a story-within-a-story; a legend, a prophecy or both. He is who Stannis thought he was: he is Azor Ahai.

And Azor Ahai absolutely does what Stannis did to turn into a villain, a monster: he murders... sacrifices an innocent to forge Lightbringer to end the Long Night. The way the story gets told makes that murder necessary, but Azor Ahai as the hero and winner of the Long Night gets to tell that story, gets to tell history his way. It's a legend and of course Azor Ahai is its hero. But remember the first person who claimed that "only death can pay for life" was a liar who wanted to make sure that "The Stallion Who Mounts the World" died in the womb. (The second was Melisandre who tends to be wrong on a lot of things and whose track record on human sacrifice is abysmal.)

So there is absolutely a chance that Nissa Nissa's death was as necessary as Shireen's. We won't get the opportunity to fact-check the legend, the ancient history. But if it's a prophecy we might see its reality.

Of course, if GOT really goes the way of making a good guy go bad, then they can do this the middling way, the mediocre way. Theon's Sack of Winterfell Redux or Catelyn's descent into madness and murder. Or by making Dany a villain protagonist who is basically just another Cersei with dragons. And despite not quite measuring up to Stannis' dark turn – ambition, grief, fear, insecurity, jealousy, vanity, or disappointment leading to mass carnage delivered onto a hundred-thousand computer-generated extras is still more interesting than the Night King Sauron with his ice dragon.

But the reality is that we don't care about the 100,000 inhabitants of King's Landing. We will cry over a single Hot Pie before ever giving a fuck about a massive number of fictional people without any characteristics. Mass carnage is easy to oppose morally because it's something we oppose in real life but emotionally there is no difference between 10 fictional people or a billion fictional people – if they are simply there to be nameless, featureless cannon fodder. The ability to cause mass carnage doesn't make you the most emotionally effective villain by default. Quite the opposite.

If Bran were to warg a dragon and set King's Landing on fire, we would get that this whole Three-Eyed Raven thing didn't work out well for his ethics and be, like, "okay". If Bran set fire to Arya, he would immediately become the most hated character ever on GOT. (And that isn't an exaggeration for effect). And any good intentions regarding defeating evil would matter as much as the fight against the Boltons did once Shireen started screaming.

I would like to add that Stannis died pretty much immediately after killing Shireen, blown over like a cardboard once Brienne showed up. But who would defeat or want to defeat a Stannis, an Azor Ahai who succeeded at ending the Long Night?

The ultimate story subversion when it comes to the classic "good vs. evil" plot is that the bad guy wins.

And wouldn't that be something if it was surprise villain protagonist? We get someone winning that we would have been okay with winning until they turned into GOT's least liked character? Wouldn't that be bittersweet? Getting who you were okay with, perhaps even wanted on the Iron Throne, who might even know which is the right tax plan and what to do with baby orcs... except they suck now?

Now who could that true Azor Ahai possibly be?

Is there someone who has been fighting monsters longer than anyone else has? Who has been so corrupted by that fight that he has tried and sacrificed already everything he could and had to defeat them? A man on quasi-religious crusade? A man who has the sort of righteous hubris and single-minded focus on the White Walkers that makes him often deaf to good advice? Who who has already laid down his life for a chance... and even a "no-chance-at-all-now-let-me-drown-in-an-ice-lake" at defeating the Night King? Is this possibly the same guy who we think is going to be crucial to the defeat of the White Walkers? The one who has the perfect bloodline to claim the Iron Throne in the end? The one who is shown to Melisandre when she looks for her prophecied chosen one in the fire? The one who appears to be the straight hero of the story, the Luke Skywalker, the only major character where pulling a Stannis would actually shock us? The one who has never been "profoundly wrong"?

I am not saying, we are getting "Aegon, the Worst of His Name". I am saying that if I wanted to create a villain who subverts all expectations while fulfilling them, a villain who is truly compelling and whose turn emotionally wrecks the audience, I would not make it happen by having Daenerys or Bran roast King's Landing. I simply would choose a more likable and successful version of Stannis and have him doing something terrible, wrongfully believing it's the right thing to do.

Now theoretically this could be anyone but little Sam. And regardless of that character's identity, they would be a great, compelling villain. Practically though, the best candidate for going off that particular deep end is not some random second tier character. And it's not Daenerys "What Even Are White Walkers?" or Bran "I'm a robotic, omniscient plot device now the Three-Eyed Raven now" Stark either.

It's Jon.

***

There is an issue with this though. Stannis murdering a family member/sacrificing a child for their royal blood to win a battle was simply a continuation of Stannis' previous actions. Stannis had no issue with his wife's uncle being burned as a sacrifice to R'hllor, had his brother murdered to win a battle, and attempted to have his underage nephew (Edric Storm in the books, Gendry in the show) sacrificed for his royal blood.

Killing Shireen is Stannis taking this to its logical extreme. Everything he does is simply something he has done before. Except this time the audience isn't given an out: Shireen doesn't escape like Edric/Gendry, we care for her (unlike Alester Florent) and she isn't Stannis' opponent in battle (Renly).

What Stannis is doing, is not surprising or entirely unprecedented. It is ultimately just a darker twist on something he has done before. Which is weird because you would think that something that crosses a moral event horizon would be a real departure from his previous actions. But it's not and that is really crucial if we want to discuss Stannis 2.0.

If a good character goes bad then having them simply do something they've done before – except this time it's just too much – makes sense. Just like the road to hell is paved with good intentions, escalating villainy should be a slippery slope of ever indefensible bad deeds.

And this is why it makes no sense to look at Jon and wonder who he is going to burn at the stake for R'hllor – because he won't. What he would do to incur the audience's disdain needs to be something he has kind of done before. And that he has done on the show before, because it stands to reason that the show would want to keep its foreshadowing. (Hence Gendry's slightly pointless kidnapping by Melisandre in the show.)

So the the baby swap is out since it didn't happen on the show. Breaking a vow is a bit too generic and on its lonesome will not evoke any emotional reaction. And making high-handed, impulsive decisions that end up with terrible consequences has been already done with Jon making a series of high-handed, badly thought through decisions that netted the Night King a dragon and destroyed the Wall and yet netted Jon no audience disdain at all. So probably not that one either.

That leaves his relationship with Ygritte. In the books, we only see this relationship from Jon's point of view with all his justifications and inner struggles and his self-knowledge that while he lies about his allegiance to the Wildlings' cause, his feelings for Ygritte are real.

Now if one imagines that relationship from Ygritte's point of view (as she is in the books), Jon would come out of that as a supreme douchebag. He lead her on, lied to her, pretended to have feelings for her, then left her, publicly humiliated her and finally participated in a battle with her on the other side. Jon doesn't kill her but he is willing to do so by fighting her.

Now a real neutral point of view that doesn't vilify Ygritte to prop up Jon as a cool dude (as the show has done with her allying herself with cannibals and the village massacre), would be more of a wash, ethically speaking. Jon lies to Ygritte but his life is at stake and it wasn't even his own idea in the first place. There are consent issues with their relationship and Ygritte is as willing to kill Jon when she participates in that battle as it's the case the other way around.

But then Stannis wasn't that unjustified to go after Renly who was willing to fight and kill him in battle after all. Killing Renly nearly rates as self-defense. And Edric Storm got away. The question is not how horrible Jon's actions towards Ygritte were. But rather what the escalation of that sort of overall action would be like.

Now due to time constraints the only relationship where Jon could pull an escalated "Ygritte" is his relationship with Daenerys. And here I am kind of puzzled by the discourse around the idea. Because as passionately as people argue about it, they actually agree quite fundamentally: that Jon is doing it/not doing because he is the quintessential good guy.

That he either betrays his lover or the plutocratic will of his nation is disregarded as some sort of higher purpose collateral that doesn't at all reflect on his moral character.

But isn't Occam's Razor to the question of how a "good guy" manages to betray either lover or nation simply to question the "good guy" part?

But let's step back a bit. The theory that Jon is playing Dany proposes that Jon initiates this emotional manipulation because she wonders aloud about two things (while he wants her commitment on the fight against the White Walkers): 1. Her ability to achieve her overall strategic goal of winning the Iron Throne 2. What happens to her rear if she pulls all of her forces north.

Now, Jon never actually answers any of these questions (or any questions on how to get the Northern Lords to remain loyal to him and Dany) and that is a bit problematic. Because the second question of what happens in a war if you leave one side open to your enemies is an enormously important one.

What Jon appears to do, is rely on a truism about the North: that it cannot be conquered in Winter (and Winter is here.)

*beleaguered sigh*

This truism exists in our world about two countries. One is considered unconquerable in Winter, the other unconquerable in general. And while these truisms have held true for few centuries now, the reality is that attempts to conquer them have devastated both countries on more than one occasion to the sound of millions of dead inhabitants and bombing it to the bottom of the HDI.

If Jon relies on Winter to protect him and his allies from Cersei, he is an idiot. If Cersei attacks the unprotected North from the South, his ability to fight the White Walkers will be profoundly diminished even if Cersei fails at conquering the North itself. Dany is right to ask this question and he is wrong to ignore it.

And if that theory pans out and Jon took these strategic, legitimate concerns as a sign that he needs to loverboy it up instead of thinking how to protect the North from the South, then that's next level mansplaining.

But forget that point for a bit and go back to the situation in which Jon supposedly initiates it. He is recovering after the Wight Hunt and Dany swears to avenge her dragon while musing on her overall strategy of winning Westeros. And while Jon isn't in good shape, he is not in mortal danger. Not in general, not specifically by Dany. She is letting her hair down and she's pledging her support to his cause.

Jon's life is not the least on the line and the question whether Dany would or would not have pulled out of the war against the White Walkers if Jon hadn't started flirting with her in that moment is an unanswerable hypothetical. No matter how you slice or dice it, it's not certain at all (not to the audience, not to Jon) that she would have pulled out.

So Jon had three choices in this moment: not initiate a romantic relationship with Dany, initiate a romantic relationship out of genuine feeling, initiate a romantic relationship to manipulate her.

None of these choices would spell certain doom. It's not at all like the relationship with Ygritte, where not going along with it would have blown his cover and cost his life. It's also distinct from that situation insofar as he didn't choose to go undercover with the Wildlings in the first place but was commanded into the situation by his superior officer.

If Jon initiated the relationship to manipulate Dany, he chose to do this voluntarily without true necessity. It's, in fact, as necessary as Littlefinger manipulating Lysa into intrigue, murder and ill-fated marriage was. Of course, without that manipulation Littlefinger would have never advanced at court and become Master of the Coin, Lord of Harrenhall and Sweetrobin's guardian. But none of these things were necessary to grant his survival at any time.

The key difference between Jon and Littlefinger is that Jon allies himself with Dany to ensure mankind's survival instead of personal gain. But on the balance, another difference between Littlefinger and Jon's situation is that the romantic relationship wasn't necessary to ensure Dany's support. In fact, even the idea that Dany's concerns are sign of her wavering in her commitment is a minority if not fringe opinion among GOT's audience.

And that makes the idea of Jon manipulating Dany very unpalatable. The lack of necessity makes him a Littlefinger, rather than a Robb or a Ned or even the Jon who lied to Ygritte. And audiences prefer to see their heroes as honorable fools rather than manipulative, emotionally abusive jerks.

Because there is the heart of the problem. If Jon is truly manipulating Dany, he is an emotionally abusive jerk. He is profoundly wrong. He is the guy that your BFF has warned you about. "He is just using you for [something.]"

And that hits home in a way shadowbabies and Frey Pies and Qyburn doesn't. We don't know any necromancers who vivisect people. But we know the kind of jerk that Jon would be. It's not theoretical, it's something we know and because of that will not appreciate.

***

But while this absolutely checks off “make the evil deed painful to the audience” point in the “compelling villain” check list, it’s still nowhere near as ethically questionable as Stannis burning Shireen.

But Jon's Ygritte storyline doesn't end with him duping, betraying and leaving her. It ends with her getting killed. And not just killed, but killed in battle against Jon and his brothers. While Jon is not directly responsible for her death – he neither instigated nor executed the killing – he was willing to risk that his actions would kill her in that battle. The goal of a battle is to win and to use the Patton quote from above "make the other bastard die for his country." Of course, Jon acted in self-defense, Ygritte was fighting that battle against him and the NW voluntarily, fully willing, ready and able to kill him.

But then, to go back to Stannis, Stannis was also just acting in self-defense when he send the shadowbaby assassin to kill Renly. Renly had the superior force and showed himself fully willing, ready and able to kill Stannis in battle. The question whether Stannis' assassination of Renly is justified is a digression too far because that is not the point. The point is that Jon and Stannis got some person killed who was really close to them (brother, lover) and that was kind of, maybe, perhaps justified self-defense. You can argue for it in both cases.

However, as I mentioned before, Stannis' ultimate escalation of Renly's murder is killing Shireen. There is no maybe, perhaps, kind of, about the lack of justification for it. Stannis did not act in self-defense, Stannis was not provoked. The true necessity was also absent... although the proof for that is just hindsight. The sacrifice was supposed to save Stannis and his army. It did not. Thus it was never necessary. The whole thing is just wholly indefensible.

Now would an escalation of Jon's Ygritte storyline limit itself to the affair and betrayal or would it go all the way down to that self-defensive arrow that Jon wasn't directly responsible for? Except for a Stannis-like escalation that arrow could not be self-defensive, it would have to be undeserved, unjustified, unnecessary and Jon's responsibility.

The audience doesn't even have to like Dany at that point. That would be just crossing all moral event horizons, turning Jon into a villain and serving a "King Arthur Aragorn Jon Snow is the final villain" plot twist that makes R+L=J look like child's play in comparison. It would be truly an epic twist, ending up in the plot twist pantheon next to "Bruce is a ghost" and "Soylent Green".

However, I don't think this is gonna happen. A villain protagonist on that level would have been foreshadowed much, much more, both in the books and the show. "The villain wins" is also really nihilistic and ends up on a quite bitter note with very little sweetness. Davos, Brienne and Sam emerging alone from the rubble would be a more positive and happier ending. It's also the sort of plot twist you think of five books and seven TV seasons later (too late), not when you conceive the story.

So what will happen to Jon instead if he doesn't become a villain?

There are really only two options: his characterization remains in a class of its own and he remains the only truly good guy protagonist or he takes a level in realpolitik and starts to play as dirty as necessary in whatever way. Not quite Jon, the villain but Jon the ethically challenged, Jon the Utilitarian.

(By the way, I am not saying that he has to play dirty with specific characters to qualify, just that that he has to play dirty somehow. In fact, playing dirty with certain characters might evoke a negative, emotional audience reaction that is not in proportion to the ethics violation it presents and thus the whole Utilitarianism bit might accidentally devolve into perceived villainy.)

The really fascinating bit about this is that Jon's characterization will define ASOIAF quite significantly. Jon is so crucial to the story's most fundamental conflict, that even if you discard the idea that he is The Protagonist, you would still have to agree that he is one of the most important protagonists. His characterization will contribute and lead to the resolution of that conflict. If he resolves it by playing dirty, the moral of the story will quite different than it is if he resolves it by always taking the heroic, high road.

And it's not just the moral of the story. Once the story decides to land on "Jon, the moral" or "Jon, the Utilitarian", the question whether we are consuming "Lord of the Rings with boobs" or a true deconstruction of Lord of the Rings will answer itself. And that will reflect on more than just Jon's storyline. If Jon stays heroic, Night King Sauron, our final, two-dimensional villain and other neat and flat resolutions become much more likely.

As such I would argue that the Jon’s characterization will define how good ASOIAF's famed realism truly is, what ideals it propagates, and what kind of story ASOIAF is.

I honestly can't predict how this will play out. But I remember that Ned and the Red Wedding promised a deconstruction of the genre, an acknowledgement that taking the high road constantly can be a dead end in real life. Jon not needing to be smarter than them in the end would break that promise.

#A Song of Ice and Fire #Jon Snow #Aegon Targaryen #ASoIaF #meta #Game of Thrones

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esseastri · 7 years

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Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 1)

Me: okay but I don’t remember the back half of WoR, I should really, really finish the reread before starting... Also me: okay, buuuuuuuuuuut................what if I just..............start

[insert evilkermit.jpeg here]

There are a few relevant points of information:

Tags: Megan reads OB and Oathbringer spoilers. (I’ll also have housekeepers on there, like Brandon Sanderson, Stormlight Archive, and Oathbringer, but those first two are the important ones.)

Everything will be under a readmore.

Above the readmore will be the page numbers covered in that liveblog, so you’ll know how far I’ve gotten (and that way, if you’ve read that far you’ll be okay to read the lb).

There's…going to be a lot of swearing? I have learned that I have no control over my language when I get overly emotional and I feel like I’m going to spend a lot of this book overly emotional. I would like to apologize in advance, and while I promise to try to keep my swearing to a minimum, there might be more than a few bad words.

Shameless self-promotion for the previous two liveblogs: WoK and WoR.

I’m pretty sure that’s all the important bits. Enjoy!!

Part One encompasses pages 1-90 (subsequent parts)

*screams quietly into the ether forever*

PROLOGUE

hoooolly shiiiiiiiittt: Eshonai

Please tell me this means we’ll finally learn why the Parshendi killed Gavilar.......

SHE’S SO EXCITED I’M SO SAD I hate knowing what’s happened to her

...the Parshendi...didn’t know about the parshmen? what? the heck?

I’m....baby Esh is so excitable and curious and I.. love her. and I’m so. so sad. that she loses this.

“an indoor privy with running water, a concept she still didn’t understand.” Who does, babe. Who does.

me, every time amaram appears: “fucking asshole. fuck off fckkkk” I just.... hiss like a cat every time his name appears on a page. I hate him. ARGH.

I spelled his name as “aramaram” and had to go correct it I was so upset he was HERE that I forgot how to spell.

“Traitors who had abandoned their gods to be free.” And they FEARED the return of their gods, before stormform and the Everstorm. They feared it--because they were not free... But...stormform isn’t freedom, and their gods are back and....history repeating itself?

Also, the fact that Gavilar took the time to learn her name is very endearing and like... Gavilar was A Good, guys. He tried so hard.

NOOPE NEVERMIND, BAD, ACTUALLY. THAT’S SO SELFISH WHAT THE HECK

“Bring back your evil, destructive, enslaving gods so that we can have our nice, honorable, fighty ones back please.” NO, THAT’S SO DISGUSTING THAT’S SO SELFISH WTH

GAVIILAARRRR. I BELIEVED IN YOU! I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU!! WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU

WAIT, so he was getting the visions before Dalinar? Did we know this already? That makes sense... it’s very Boromir/Faramir, tbh, but like... what, one died, and Honor was like “welp. guess we’ll try his bro”

wait, okay, so ...the black sphere that he gives Szeth...........what. Esh knows what it is--so it’s some kind of spren. But it’s not the angerspren/hatespren that they bond with for stormform--those are red. So what’s...this one? Voidspren? Are there voidspren? Voidspren to create voidbringers...presumably more powerful than stormform.

I AM CONCERNED.

PART ONE

okay, that map tho; after reading Edgedancer, I’m VERY CONCERNED that there’s an Oathgate to Aimia... I don’t need any more 200-cremlings-in-a-trenchcoat popping up out of nowhere, but thanks anyway

it makes sense that this book stats with Dalinar, but HOW! IS! MY! BOY! WHERE! IS! KALADIN!

Dalinar is so polite tho. saying ‘thank you’ to the Stormfather

Also ONLY SIX DAYS???? AAHH

“It had been a hardy, stubborn lot who had grown in this place.” This is Kholinar: it highstorms nine months of the year, and weeps the other three. Any food that grows here is tough and tasteless. The people that grow here are even more so. The only upsides are the pets. While other places have...cats or chickens, we have...cremlings.

(Though Lisa made a good point--are there actually cremlings?? or are all cremlings just...bits of Aimians scuttling about like spy bugs?)

“The queen had gone silent.” I...genuinely don’t trust her, and I’m more inclined to believe she’s radio silence out of a need to save her own damn skin than any other reason.

......somehow I never really thought that Odium would be light...

THE WOMAN HE LOVED

YAASS.

(I have priorities)

They’re being cute. It’s been, like, half a page and I’m just over here making big, cooing noises at them being cute. help.

OH SHIT THAT WAS QUICK

THEY FOUND SADEAS ALREADY AND I AM CONCERN

(tho, I mean...it took them six days to find the body, that’s....actually not really quick. but still.)

OH WAIT NO, OKAY, IT TOOK THEM ONE DAY WELL SHIT

oh god

Adolin, bby. pls. don’t.... LISTEN, THE FIC I WROTE ABOUT GUILTSPREN WAS A FIC

HI TEFT I HAVE MISSED YOU BUT ALSO PLS CALM DOWN AAAHHHH

this is page frikkin 37 and I’m already dying

I’M SO SCARED OF WHAT IALAI WILL DO. SHE’S GONNA PIN THIS ON BRIDGE 4 I KNOW IT. SHE’S GONNA TRY AND I’M GONNA SCREAM

WHY IS ADOLIN HERE. KIDDO PLS. DOn’T COME BACK TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME I’M

unrelated, but I can’t stop thinking about baby Eshonai basically damning her people to war and revenge to stop their gods from returning and Venli just like...whipping a godling out her pocket like “nvmd, we’re doing this anyway” and like. fuck Venli, tbh.

Back to current events and:

I love Palona.

“steady Adolin and impenetrable Renarin” HE LOVES HIS SONS SO MUCH I’M CRY

“certainly wouldn’t have gone so far as to kill Sadeas themselves” ABOUT THAT

I love that Urithuru has safety railings. like... throwing shade at every big space opera ever.

I still don’t know how I feel about Lopen growing his arm back...

“Our ultimate goal is the preservation of Roshar” Sorry, bud, Preservation is dead...

and also on a different planet.

AAAWWW SNAP! THIRTY-FOUR YEARS AGO! HERE WE GO!!!!

“He didn’t need Shards to intimidate.” Nah, but I bet they help.

tbqh, it’s really, really weird to think of Dalinar fighting not in Shards.

excuse you, that horse did nothing to deserve that.

heheheheh, so much for your nose, bucko

Gooooddddd, Brandon writes battle so cinematically. I want to film this. Gaaaahhh

of...of course punk!Dalinar’s horse is named Fullnight. How deliciously extra of him.

“I tried to kill you!” “from a distance! Which shows remarkably good judgement!” DALINAR, PLEASE.

Enthusiastic ultra-Gryffindor rambo Dalinar is hilarious

It’s been 50 pages, where’s Kaladin

Sadeas in YELLOW shardplate?? who is he?

Also, ngl, I’m a lil pissed that I still have to deal with Sadeas--even if it’s young, not-quite-so-vile Sadeas. Like......he’s dead! I shouldn’t have to put up with his slimy face anymore!

“What would we do without you?” “Lose.” What an asshole. What a dudebro. I hate how much I love him.

the Thrill concerns me, tbh.

I know that we know it is of Odium, but like. It Concerns me.

THAT WAS QUICK

THE EVERSTORM TURNAROUND??? THAT WAS DISTRESSINGLY QUICK?

I’m sad Dalinar doesn’t get a little spren buddy wandering around with him at all times, because, like. Stormfather. But like. spren buddy.

Now I’m trying to picture the vast and infinite Stormfather just flitting around Dalinar’s head in meetings and making faces at Syl across the table and laughing my ass off.

oh NO not her SAFEHAND

seriously, they. are. so. cute.

“Your stubborn refusal to get seduced is making me question my feminine wiles.” HAAAAHAHA OMG, DARLINGS PLEASE

also, Dalinar, omg, give it up already, bro.

I realize there are like...ecological and climatology implications of the Weepings stopping before they are supposed to, but I can’t help but be glad that Kaladin won’t be suffering for as long as he normally would with the seasonal depression...

WHAT! WAS! THE! BOON! ...unless this is the boon. Unless Dalinar asked for the Nightwatcher to take away the pain of losing his wife and instead she took away his wife... and his punishment is something else.

in which case WHAT! WAS! THE! PUNISHMENT!

“I’d let a confused dishwasher marry us.” I realized belatedly that she meant, like...a person who washes dishes. And not a machine that washes dishes that most people on earth have in their kitchens.

Also, Dalinar and Navani really need to please stop being so adorable, I’m SO HAPPY THEY’RE GETTIN MARRIED AND THE FRIKKIN STORMFATHER IS GONNA OFFICIATE THAT’S HILARIOUS I LOVE THEM

I LOVE THAT THE WEDDING IS LIKE... HIM AND NAVANI AND THE BOYS AND SHALLAN AND A FEW OTHER MINIONS. THIS IS DELIGHTFUL. I LOVE THIS

THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT THIS I DISLIKE

Bridge Four is too important for guard duty! They’re so important! They’ve come so far!!!! I LOVE THEM!!??

she just had a wedding dress just... lying around.

god I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!

...poor Elhokar. “if only we could keep up.” boy has no confidence and no chance to learn it.

NAVANI’S FRIKKIN GLORYSPREN OMG

“What does he remember that I cannot?” Uh...your other wife, my dude. I’m sure this has something to do with how your wife died.

AAHH. HERE HE IS!!!! THE BOY!!!!! MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nooooo. no, kaladin please. you didn’t fail. oh god, no, come on. don’t think like that.

I’m

aaahhhhh

“It felt wrong not to bear the symbol of Bridge Four.” AAAHHHHHHH

I’M

!!!!!!!!!

I’m JUST NOT OKAY

aahh, at least he was properly concerned about the Everstorm filling his spheres with...bad stuff? of some kind? I’m super glad that it didn’t, that it doesn’t, but like. At least he was concerned about it!

hello fronds, I love Syl a LOT

also: covered safehand, that’s hilarious. She’s a real grown up, now!

nooooooooooo

it can’t be all dead

they have to have

someone has to have been smart enough to get a large part of the town into shelter

Kaladin, your dad isn’t stupid, he would have. he would have tried.

(this would be way, way more distressing if I hadn’t been spoiled for the fact that Lirin and Hesina are alive...like...I’d probably be crying right now.)

“How often are you going to make me apologize for that?” Pfffft I mean.

HE GREW UP AND THEY DON’T RECOGNIZE HIM AND I’M

AAAHHH

“Are there wounded” and he just GOES because that’s where his dad would be and he just . goes. to his dad.

I’m crying?

THEY’RE CRYING I’M CRYING EVERYONE IS CRYING

THEY THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD AMARAM FUCKING TOLD THEM HE WAS DEAD AND I’M

THEY’RE

“MY SON IS ALIVE” YEAH HE IS AND HE’S AMAZING AND YOU’RE GONNA BE PROUD OF HIM OH

I’M

AAHHHHHH

I really hate Amaram. A lot.

his mom is a good. and she just keeps her hand on his shoulder like protectiveness and like reassurance that he’s still there and I’m. aaaAAAHH

“For now, he just wanted to be here with them.” GOOD. LET THE BOY REST. LET HIM EAT SOUP AND REST.

“The wrong-way highstorm” I mean...not wrong

“They never got to meet Captain Kaladin” aaAAHHH

I HAVE A LOT OF EMOTIONS ABOUT INCARNATIONS OF HUMANS AND I’M

this is a lot

LIRIN OFFERING TO BUY THE WRIT OF SLAVERY IS A LOT I’M JUST

crying

“Perhaps it was time to stop letting the rain dictate his mood. He couldn’t banish the seed of darkness inside him, but Stormfather, he didn’t need to let it rule him either.”

I...have a lot of feelings about Kaladin.

And I have a lot of feelings about how Kaladin and his depression interact and about how he deals with it. And how he’s seen the worst in himself and promised to never let it get that bad again. And how he’s seen that even though it’s a part of himself that he has to keep fighting, keep dealing with, keep understanding, it doesn’t have to be the only thing in him, the only thing in his life, the only part of him that matters. He can have other parts, other important bits of him and his personality. He might always have bad days, but that doesn’t have to be the majority of them. Not if he chooses to be stronger, to try to get better. There’s always going to be depression, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be other things.

It took me a longass time to come to that same realization and I just...am really, really... proud of him? and of myself? and of anyone who has depression who thinks the same way we do? and though I’ve found it to be a smidge disconcerting to have your own personal thought processes spelled out on paper by someone who isn’t you, there’s a comfort in that...I’m not the only one who feels like this, who has these ideas, who makes these decisions about my depression.

Anyway, I really, really love Kaladin and I’m. emotional . and I’m. “He didn’t need to let it rule him either.” No. We don’t. We can deal.

ANYWAY I’M EMOTIONAL ABOUT KALADIN AND IN OTHER NEWS WATER IS WET, FIRE IS HOT, AND THE WORLD IS ROUND.

WAIT. Did Syl.....was she aiming for someone else? “distant yet demanding”. Who else...was she gonna bond with. before Kaladin? My first instinct is Tien, but that...doesn’t fit. One of his men? in his squad? Or before that, Hesina maybe? I’m? ...surely not Lirin...... he’s not. enough.

god, his first thought is that Adolin would be disappointed in fashion heheheheh I love these boys. becoming friends. maybe. hopefully.

KAL PUNCHING ROSHONE IS A++ 100% GRADE A GOOD SHIT

GOD BLESS

AAAAAAHHHHHHH

“That was for my friend Moash” I’M!!!!!!!!!!!! EMOTIONAL!!!! ABOUT MY BOYS!!! AND THEIR FRIENDSHIP!!!!! PERSISTING EVEN THOUGH BAD DECISIONS!!!!

Kaladin’s stubborn refusal to give up on people is. A Lot. EVeRYTHING IS A LOT. THIS IS A LOT

“and for the first time in a long, long while, he was happy with that person.” THAT’S CAUSE YOU’RE A GOOD PERSON THE BEST PERSON AAAHHH

SUMMONING SYL AND “ANY QUESTIONS” AND OHHH MY GOD. that shit’s hot. I’m. hhnnnggggggg

“until he had enough stormlight to fly home.” home. I mean, we knew that “home” wasn’t Hearthstone anymore, but. Dalinar is home. The warcamps, Urithuru. Bridge Four. I...I am so proud of how far Kaladin has come.

“I don’t like the idea of swinging you around, smashing you into things.” “Firstly, I don’t smash into things. I am an elegant and graceful weapon.” HI, I LOVE SYL A LOT

GET IT, LARAL

HECK YE

“That’s a girl I was never going to marry, no matter what happened.” “I like her.” “You would.” I LIKE HER TOO SHE’S STRONG AND CAPABEL AND DON’T NEED NO MAN. GET IT, GIIIRRLL!!!!

I love that Roshar has a Hippocratic oath equivalent. I also have mixed feelings on Lirin’s incredibly strict adherence to his Hippocratic oath equivalent. like..yeah, Do No Harm is one thing. But being self-righteous about it to the point of not wanting your son to fight evil monsters from the void? Take a chill pill, my dude.

NAVANI SPANREEDING HIM PERSONALLY IS A LOT

also, I really have strong feelings about Dalinar generally addressing Kaladin as “soldier” and the responding “Sir.” I know they had a long talk about chain of command, but it’s just. so satisfying that it’s still going.

“Send us a glyph each evening to know you are safe.” GOOD DAD IS WORRIED ABOUT HIS SON AND I’M EMOTIONAL

AAAHHHHH HIS VERY FIRST INSTINCT IS TO HOLD HIS BABY BROTHER I’M!!! KALADIN IS SO GOOD AND LOVING AND WONDERFUL!!!

guys, I don’t know if you know this about me, but I really love Kaladin.

guys, I don’t know if you know this about me, bUT I REALLY LOVE KALADIN.

#op #Megan reads OB #Oathbringer spoilers #Stormlight Archive #Oathbringer #Brandon Sanderson #ladyknightliveblogs #I knoooow I should probs put it on the liveblog blog bUT! All the other Sanderson liveblogs are on this blog and also I'm lazy #so they're going here #and I'll reblog them to the liveblog blog for organization later #it's fine

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justanothercinemaniac · 7 years

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Epic Movie (Re)Watch #200 - The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: Blu-ray

1) The prologue.

This first scene of the last film does a number of things well. For one, Sméagol suddenly becomes a much more sympathetic and tragic character. We see how happy this creature was before being corrupted by the evil of the ring; before becoming Gollum. And that’s the other thing this scene does well: we understand better than ever how evil the ring is. How quickly it can turn good people bad. This sets the stakes high for the final chapter of the trilogy. Originally meant for The Two Towers, its inclusion in this film works so much better I think. Also it’s worth noting that the transformation from practical Gollum makeup to CG is seamless and visceral.

2) I love how freaking angry Gimli gets upon running into Merry & Pippin alive (after searching so desperately for them in Two Towers) before being tempted by what they’re smoking.

3) It’s worth noting that I HAVE watched the extended editions of all three films and while I usually forget about the scenes added in those versions, Saruman’s death scene (which is cut in this film) is always one I miss. It is a nice note of finality for such a major character in the trilogy.

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4) Much as this film really covers Frodo’s eventual corruption by the ring, Aragorn’s journey is also complete. Over the course of the trilogy we see him go from a loner who wants nothing to do with leadership into the king of men. This film is very much about Aragorn accepting that part of himself, becoming the leader he was always meant to be, and we see it in many little ways. He takes a moment for himself to respect those fallen before celebrating a victory, he imparts wisdom onto Gandalf, he earns the trust of Théoden, later honors his promise to the ghost soldiers even though he could’ve used them as a weapon, and leads his army into battle in an effort to give Frodo the time he needs. By the time the credits role Aragorn fully embraces his duty as king and that’s a wonderful transformation to watch.

5) Have I mentioned I low-key ship Sam and Frodo?

Frodo: “I need you on my side.”

Sam: “I’m always on your side, Mr. Frodo.”

6) The last film very much covered Merry’s maturity, becoming invested in the war (which guides his actions in this film as well). In Return of the King we get to see Pippin grow more as a person. We see him go from a someone who doesn’t think before he acts (like when he looks into the orb and risks alerting Sauron about Frodo) to someone with deep sorrow who takes responsibility for his actions (such as when he pledges his allegiance to the Stewart of Gondor because he feels responsible for Boromir’s death). It’s a nice subplot for the film.

7) Can I just say: Théoden can be a real idiot.

Théoden [about Gondor]: “Tell me: why should we ride to the aid of those who did not come to ours?”

Dude, you made SUCH a big deal about not asking for Gondor’s aid in the last movie when you were heavily advised to do just that. And now you’re getting pissy because they didn’t give you something you said you didn’t want?

8) While Sam and Frodo’s kinship is wicked strong, that’s not to undersell how deeply connected Merry and Pippin are. They’re great friends and the sadness of their goodbye as Gandalf takes Pippin to Gondor speaks to that.

9) Okay, can I just say something? There are only three named female characters in these films I can think of who have lines: Arwen, Galadriel, and Éowyn. They’re all awesome, they’re all great. They never EVER interact with each other and while we understand both Arwen and Galadriel are dangerous women it’s only Éowyn who gets to fight in the war. And I get the books were published in the 50s and everything but come on. Some changes to improve on female presence wouldn’t kill the movie.

10)

Arwen [about Aragorn]: “If I leave him now, I will regret it forever.”

And that’s literal, because elves are immortal. I just wanted to point that out.

11) John Noble as Denethor.

While there is initially a bit of sympathy for the stewart of Gondor because he’s mourning his son Boromir, wow is that lost quickly. I am rooting for this guy to die harder than I am any other character in this series because he is such a raging asshole. I think he’s supposed to be and John Noble plays him in a very interesting way. Much like Imelda Staunton was great at making us hate Doloris Umbridge in Harry Potter, John Noble is great at making Denethor a selfish, arrogant, cruel bastard who I just want to punch in his fucking permanent scowl of a face. HE FUCKING ADMITS THAT HE WISHES FARAMIR WERE DEAD INSTEAD OF BOROMIR! I just…yeah, I’m glad when this jackass dies.

12) The Dead City always reminded me a little of the Emerald City from The Wizard of Oz. Or is that just me?

13) I apologize for this in advance.

Frodo [when he feels the Witch King near, who stabbed him in Fellowship]: “I can feel his blade.”

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

14) At first I questioned the need to include Faramir’s skirmish with the orcs, but for one thing it shows the continued darkness which spreads across Middle Earth as well as the scale of this war. Not to mention it feeds directly into a conflict between Faramir and his jackass dad.

15) I love Éowyn, which I said as much in the last recap. But in this film she is just so freaking ready to fight for those she loves, to stand up against evil even though the sexism of Middle Earth tries to keep her off the battlefield. But she doesn’t and we get the best moment in the whole trilogy. More on that later.

16) When I was younger I never really understood why Frodo believes Sam actually stole the bread, why he sends Sam away. But now I get just how great a manipulator Gollum is and how dark the ring can be on Frodo’s soul. Gollum knows EXACTLY what the ring is doing to him, the little things it whispers to him, the greed and mistrust which is taking him. He knows because he spent (I think) five hundred years under that very same influence. He knows what Frodo is going through better than anyone which he manipulates to his advantage.

17) Sean Astin just freaking shines with his breakdown after Frodo sends him away breaks up with him (you know, after refusing to give Sam a ring). He’s come so far, sacrificing his very life, to make sure Mr. Frodo stays safe and trying to make sure the ring doesn’t take him. And he’s ALWAYS on Frodo’s side, he always trusts Frodo. But Frodo can’t do the same thing for Sam. In fact, he does the complete opposite and distrusts him so deeply he tries to get rid of him. And it’s based on NOTHING, just the manipulations of a fiend and the darkness of the ring. Astin i just so great and conveying how heavy this is on Sam, I love it.

18) Ah, the song.

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First of all, Billy Boyd’s vocals are just absolutely amazing here. They infuse the song with such grand heartache which helps it set the tone for Faramir’s attack on the orc troops. This isn’t a grand action scene, this isn’t a heroic triumph, this is a heartbreaking suicide mission made because of a son wanting to earn the love of his soulless father. And that’s why the song works as well as it does. It sets a beautiful tone.

19) Honestly, a few of these notes are just going to be me acknowledging awesome Éowyn is.

Éowyn [after some troops laugh at Merry for wanting to fight]: “Why can he not fight for those he loves?”

20) The scene where Aragorn takes the sword from Elrond is a great moment. The music, Aragorn’s demeanor, the subtleties of the cinematography, the visual of Aragorn taking the sword, it all just makes it feel like a real hero’s moment.

21) While the extended edition of this film may have some more Legolas & Gimli moments (there’s this wonderful drinking competition they get into), the bromance of the entire trio is still something I love.

Gimli [after Aragorn tries going into the dead mountain alone]: “You might as well accept it: we’re going with you, laddie.”

22) Merry is told he can’t go into battle by Théoden, that no one will carry him on their horse. Meanwhile Éowyn - who was basically told to stay at home and look after things while the men fight - says, “Screw that,” and takes Merry into battle herself. I LOVE ÉOWYN!

23) The scene with the ghosts and the dead mountain is truly eerie. Peter Jackson’s roots as a horror director really shine through in this wonderfully creepy scene and place. It’s just chilling.

24) In the long running list of why Denethor is a piece of shit: he is so freaking eager for Faramir to be dead and to have some man pain he doesn’t even check his pulse! Then he bitches about not getting help from Rohan which HE DIDN’T EVEN WANT and then gives up. Thank god for Gandalf.

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25) The initial battle of Gondor has a nice sense of scale and stakes to it, especially when we see it through the eyes of Pippin. There’s this constant sense of dread and hardship which builds tension nicely.

26) I’m not talking about the spider scene because I always hide behind my hands when that scene is going on. I fucking hate spiders, guys. I hate them. It’s a miracle I didn’t just straight up fast forward past all the spider stuff. AND IT JUST KEEPS COMING BACK! You think the spider is gone but then no, it comes back for one last attack! ENOUGH WITH THE SPIDER ALREADY!

27) Gollum is totally done with the manipulation, the tricks, all of it. As soon as Frodo reveals his intention is to destroy the ring, he loses it and just is going to solve his problem with brute force. This doesn’t really work for him though.

28) Awww, Sam comes back to rescue his boyfriend only to think he’s dead.

Sam: “Don’t leave me here alone. Don’t go where I can’t follow.”

29) A coincidence to get the character in trouble helps move the plot along. Such as when the orcs show up RIGHT AFTER Frodo gets paralyzed so they can easily capture him.

30) Through a strong sense of visuals there is a nice feeling of hope when Rohan shows up to participate in the battle of Gondor. The build up to that and the fact we see it via Merry and Éowyn works REALLY well because they - like the audience - are both new to this.

31) I always liked that Gandalf is willing to leave the main battle to save Faramir, because isn’t that what this is all about? Saving as much life as we can.

32) There are few film deaths which are quite as satisfying to me as Denethor’s death. I won’t include it hear but those who have seen the movie know exactly what happens. Know if you seek it out it does involve fire (so if that triggers you maybe best to stay away).

33) Once the freaking elephants show up to battle you KNOW this shit is epic. One thing this film does best out of all three is its battle sequences are amazing. They may be long, but they are choreographed interestingly and use a strong sense of action = reaction to them. They’re epic and totally amazing.

34) I do have a bit of a fear of death, so Gandalf’s words to Merry always bring me calm.

Gandalf [after Merry says he can’t believe it’s going to end like this]: “End? No, the journey doesn’t end here. Death is just another path we must all take.”

35) THE BEST FREAKING MOMENT IN THE ENTIRE FREAKING TRILOGY! If you only watch one moment from The Lord of the Rings, make sure you watch this one. This is all you need to see. This is beautiful and I love it and it’s awesome. Watch it! Watch it now!

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FUCKING ÉOWYN VERSUS THE FUCKING WITCH KING! YES! You can see she’s TOTALLY scared but that doesn’t matter at all. She works through the fear, she fights this mythical creature who is supposedly un-killable AND SHE FUCKING KILLS HIM! It’s either him or her uncle and damn it’s sure as hell not going to be her uncle! It is glorious. I cheer every time. I love it. Best moment in the trilogy. No contest. Done.

36) There is this tone shift in the battle of Gondor once Legolas and Gimli start their contest.

Gimli: “There’s plenty [of the enemy] for the both of us, may the best dwarf win.”

They bring out an intense amount of fun to the battle which just has you cheering them on. Cheering on the victory! I mean, LEGOLAS TAKES DOWN A FREAKING ELEPHANT!

Gimli: “THAT STILL COUNTS AS ONE!”

I love it.

37) Again, I apologize for this in advance.

Orc [about to kill Frodo]: “I’m going to stick you like a stuffed pig.”

Sam [killing the orc]: “Not if I stick you first.”

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

38) It is always important that characters not be passive. Them making a choice is interesting. So even when Frodo is at a point where he can easily STOP carrying the ring and let Sam carry it, but he CHOSES not to, that’s interesting. It speaks to his character.

Frodo: “You must understand: the ring is my burden.”

39) This is one of my favorite things to hit the internet in 2012. It’s so random and weird I love it.

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40) The moment when Aragorn really becomes the king of men is when he rallies his troops to fight against Sauron. He takes his role as leader seriously and he’s damn good at it.

Aragorn: “I see in your eyes the same fear which would take the heart in me!”

He relates to them, he lets them know he’s afraid, but his bravery inspires bravery in others. That’s what a good leader does. They speak of hope and unity against hatred, they don’t encourage it. They don’t divide people, they bring them together.

41) Have I mentioned I love Legolas and Gimli’s bromance?

Gimli: “Who thought I’d die fighting side by side with an elf?”

Legolas: “How about side by side with a friend?”

Gimli: “Aye. I can do that.”

42) Frodo is literally pushed past his physical limits, unable to climb any further up Mount Doom to destroy the ring. But he HAS to. That’s high stakes. Forgoing physical needs for the goal is the highest stakes imaginable. And also: HELL YEAH, SAMWISE GAMGEE!

Sam: “I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you!”

43) Can I just say: I will never truly wrap my mind around the super convenient giant eagles which show up at the last minute. Like, maybe there’s an explanation for this in the books, but wouldn’t the eagles have helped out A LOT MORE before this final battle? I mean really. What’s with this Deus Ex Machina stuff?

44) The scene where Frodo decides to keep the ring visually matches the one where Isildur did the same thing in Fellowship, meaning the seeds for this were planted in the trilogy from film one. It’s smart planning and helps make the choice all the stronger. We’ve seen the consequences of this action once, but again? Oh man, that could be disastrous.

45) You can really see the influence the ring had on Frodo when this is the first thing he says after it’s destroyed.

Frodo: “I can see the shire.”

Frodo talked about how he couldn’t remember it before, while he was carrying the ring. But now it’s gone and he can. I love that.

46) One of my favorite moments in the series is when Frodo wakes up in Rivendale with Gandalf standing at his bead. Remember, Frodo thinks Gandalf is DEAD from the first film. So not only is there the joy at his own survival but that of his friend too. And you can see it on Elijah Wood’s face.

47) This film has A LOT of endings. Like, it takes 20 minutes to end. But I like each and every one. Firstly, this massive respect the hobbits are paid.

Aragorn [king of men, to the hobbits]: “My friends. You bow to no one.”

[Aragorn bows, then so does literally EVERYONE else]

48) The Shire still brings about the same sense of peace it did in Fellowship. You know you’re really out of danger when you are in that place. The tension defuses and it feels like…home. It’s worth noting that the hobbits at first have nothing to talk about while at the bar. They just sit there in silence because…what is there to say?

49) The final goodbye.

I may not be the best to pick up on subtext, but even I get that this boat into the West is meant to represent the afterlife. That Bilbo, Gandalf, and Frodo are all going into the afterlife (even though I always forget that Gandalf leaves). This is honestly not only the most fitting ending to the story, but for Frodo’s character as a whole. There’s no way Frodo could’ve just gone home after all that evil. He couldn’t have just returned to normalcy. He’s changed too much, so he has to move on. But just because Frodo’s gone, doesn’t mean life moves on. And I think that’s one of the greatest messages this film has: even in the face of great loss, life moves on. And there is always ALWAYS hope.

50) And I think instead of analyzing the song “Into the West” I’ll just leave you all with a link to listen to it because it’s a wonderful piece.

The Return of the King is everything fans loved about the first two Lord of the Rings films dialed up all the way. The stakes are at their highest, the battles are at their most epic, the performances are incredible, and the characters finally reach the end of the journey they started at the beginning of this film. Winning Best Picture at the Oscars the year it was nominated, this film definitely deserves it and is worth the watch (even if it is a long watch).

#The Lord of the Rings #Elijah Wood #Sean Astin #Viggo Mortensen #Eowyn #Epic Movie (Re)Watch #Ian McKellen #Orlando Bloom #Christopher Lee #Billy Boyd #John Noble #Miranda Otto #Andy Serkis #Yas Queen #That's What She Said #Movie #Film #GIF

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ponyregrets · 7 years

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Is there a Bellamy pov for 'I frankly would've liked to stay'? Coz I really want to know what prompted them starting to make out, like, did Clarke say something? He made the move, but I can't read his side of things as well in this one so I'm mighty curious. I bet you'd come up with something amazing!

tbh the explanation is mostly “he wanted to make out with her” but you know

original fic here on AO3 and alt POV here!

The thing about Clarke is that she's like no one else Bellamy has ever had in his life. She likes him without any obligation to like him, and apparently with no misconceptions or ulterior motives. She enjoys spending time with him, doesn't get intimidated or annoyed by his moods, and seems to appreciate when he stands up to her, even when she's very determined to get her way.

She is, of course, also intelligent and beautiful and makes his whole chest feel warm, and he would like, very much, to figure out how to make it work with her. It being however far he can safely get on the sliding scale from friends to lovers. If all they ever are is good roommates who are fond of each other, he'll live, but he'd be much happier if he could at some point make out with her.

And he's pretty sure that should not, in any way, require his addressing the TV thing.

Honestly, nothing should require his addressing the the TV thing, because the TV thing is just not a big fucking deal. Every time he thinks about it, he tells himself that. Everyone else tells him that too, but they never make it sound believable. After all, it's hard to believe when every time someone finds out that he hasn't seen whatever thing he'd just love, and he says he's not interested, and it's always just--weird.

In some ways, it's become a test for him. He thought Miller would be a dick about it, but Miller just said, "Fuck, if you want to deprive yourself of cool shit, that's your call. You still play video games?" and that was it.

With Clarke, the biggest problem is that she makes him want to like the things she likes. He's at that stage of his crush where he wants to know everything about her, and she's the kind of person who likes having the TV on. And, from what he can tell, she has pretty good taste in her media.

So he starts asking about it slowly. If she has something he doesn't recognize on, he asks what it is, and she tells him, and that's about as far as he's gotten. Which is sad, and he's more than aware of it. But he'll come up with a second step, at some point. It really shouldn't be that awkward.

But he waits too long, so it is.

It's not strange for him to find her on the couch in her pajamas on a Saturday morning; when they first moved in together, she asked if he minded her hanging out in the living room with the TV on while he was around, and he said no, and she told him to just let him know if he ever wanted to watch something else.

Which, of course, he never has.

He goes into to the kitchen to pour himself a mug of coffee, leans against the counter to watch whatever is happening on the screen. It looks like fantasy, which isn't something he sees her watching a lot, and he takes a sip of his drink before he asks, "What are you watching?"

Instead of answering, she twists around to frown at him, which is not her usual reaction. "What do you mean, what am I watching?"

He frowns right back. "I'm not sure how that question could be clearer. You even repeated it."

"Fellowship of the Ring," she says, and he doesn't wince, but that explains that. "Extended edition."

He keeps his voice casual as he pushes off the counter to lean over her instead. "Oh yeah, they made a movie of that." Whoever's on the screen is short and kind of dirty, so he makes an educated guess. "Is that Frodo?"

"That's Gimli," she says, amused.

"Oh, yeah, that makes way more sense."

He pushes off the couch, and heads to the kitchen, thinking he's escaped from the awkwardness, but then he hears, "How have you not seen this? I know you have the books. I've seen the books on your shelves."

"I just never saw them," he finally says, knowing she's not going to let it go at that. He remembers when they came out, and it was all he heard about at school for weeks. He knows the guy who plays Legolas is, like, really dreamy, and that even jock kids liked the movies, which he told himself was a sign he wouldn't have.

But he really had wanted to see them. He'd done the math over and over, making sure he really couldn't afford it, and he really couldn't. So he didn't.

He hears the movie stop, and he doesn't let himself turn around. Not even when she says, "It really just started. You should watch with me." When he still doesn't respond, she adds, "Fellowship is definitely the best, but you can get mad about how they screwed up Faramir in Two Towers."

It's not what he was expecting her to say at all, and something in his chest relaxes. She doesn't think these movies are perfect. She's probably not even going to be offended if he complains about them. "They screwed up Faramir?"

There's a smug note in her voice that says she knows she's won. "Totally. Come on, Bellamy," she wheedles, for good measure. "I was in this fandom for a while. I can tell you all about the slash fanfic I read about Legolas and Gimli making out."

"I don't have to actually watch it for you to tell me about that," he points out, like he's not already a lost cause. She's never asked him to watch anything else before, and apparently he's not good at resisting her. "Isn't it like ten billion hours?"

"I'm sorry, did you suddenly grow a social life? Did you make plans for the weekend?"

He puts his coffee down on the table. "I need to get a book. So I can pretend I'm studying."

"Uh huh. I'll start it over."

He gets a book and sees that she's moved from the middle cushion to the left one, so he takes the right, leaving a good couple feet of space between them. The last time he watched a movie with someone, it was "watching a movie" as a clear and unmistakable excuse to make out. Which he's used to.

With Clarke, it's friendly. She puts her feet up on the coffee table and has her sketchpad in her lap, and aside from the anxious flutter in his chest, it feels like the kind of thing he could get used to. That he'd like to get used to. It would be nice, being good at watching movies with Clarke.

It still takes him a while to get there.

They blaze through The Lord of the Rings over the weekend, and it does go well. Bellamy has some trouble actually relaxing, but Clarke has a knack for putting him at ease. And she doesn't seem to care that he's not thrilled with the way they did Eowyn's storyline and thinks that a lot of the better speeches lost some of their impact going to screen. She has her own complaints, and there's plenty to like about the adaptation too.

It's fun, and he wants to be happy about it, but he can't help waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Because this is not something Clarke is letting go. She's not exactly subtle about it, but she is--well, she's cool about it, thinking about what he'll like and why he might like it. He assumes she talked to his sister, which is weird, but flattering, and it comes across as something she wants to share with him.

It's nice, it just feels like only a matter of time before he hits something that makes it awkward.

"I've never seen a Mad Max movie," he tells her, in line for Fury Road. Just to test the waters.

"Neither have I, but assholes on the internet are boycotting this one because it has too many women, so how bad can it be? And I don't think there's a ton of plot we have to follow."

"Wait," he says, holding up his hand. "That's a thing?"

"Which part?"

"People boycott movies because they have too many women?"

"Have we talked about the Ghostbusters reboot?" she asks, sounding thoughtful, and maybe that's why this thing is working for him. It's not just that she wants to share this stuff with him, it's that she knows what he's going to be interested.

She's working at it, and it's hard to feel anything but grateful and happy about that.

"You haven't," he says, shifting a little closer. "Do we have time?"

"Not for all of it. But I'm not going anywhere."

He bites the corner of his mouth. "No. So, tell me about Ghostbusters."

He actually really likes the anime. Not just because it's cool, but because Clarke hasn't seen a lot of it either, so he feels less pressure. If he was watching Clarke's favorite movie and hating it, he'd feel bad, but he likes forming opinions with her, or seeing her rediscover something she'd largely forgotten, enough so that when she says they're on their last Ghibli movie, he's honestly disappointed.

"I don't know anything about this one," Clarke says, making a face. "Grave of the Fireflies. Watch or skip it?"

"We've got it, why would we skip it?"

She looks so happy that he wishes he could just be normal about this. That he could just forget his random spikes of anxiety and watch things as casually as she does.

But he's still kind of a weird anxious mess, so that's all he's got.

"Yeah," she agrees. "I've heard it's good."

And part of Bellamy can recognize that it is good. Quality isn't the issue. But Clarke has been sticking, largely, to fun, somewhat fantastical stuff. Most of the movies were at least a little emotional, but Grave of the Fireflies is a war movie, and it's a war movie that starts with a little boy dying after he fails to save his younger sister's life, and that's nothing like any of the other things they've watched together.

It's not an unfamiliar feeling, recognizing himself in media. He does it in books and in songs, in the things he interacts with on his own. He likes it, even when it hurts, the familiarity, the assurance that he's not alone.

But, left to his own devices, he might not have experienced it with Clarke. He's not one of those people who thinks that guys crying is bad, or damaging to their masculinity, but there is something awkward about crying in front of another person, even quietly. They feel obligated to react in some way, and he wouldn't have put that burden on her. It's awkward, and he's never thought of her as someone who feels very at home with comforting people.

Then, she reaches over and takes his hand, making his heartbeat spike. Her palm is soft on top of his, her grip gentle, as if she just wants to remind him she's here. He swallows hard, unable to take his eyes off the TV, and lets his hand turn over so he can squeeze her back. Part of him wants to say something, to explain himself, but Clarke probably understands.

For the first time, he feels sure: she's on his side. She's going to stay on his side.

He doesn't have anything good to say about the movie, nothing that feels right. He liked it, but the words feel inaccurate and inadequate all at once. It was like watching another version of himself, a life he might have had, the life he beat. He and Octavia survived. He kept them alive.

So he clears his throat to get the tears out of his voice and asks, "Do you have easy access to that cop show?"

"Cop show?"

"The one with the hot angry latina." She watches it a lot in the background, and he always likes what he hears. One time a guy actually said the word transphobic. He didn't think that happened on TV shows.

Her smile isn't patronizing at all; if anything, she looks glad there's something she can do. "Yeah, it's on Hulu."

"Could we watch an episode of that? Just--"

She squeezes his hand when his voice gives out. "Sounds good."

Then she lets go, which kind of sucks. He's excited for the show, but he'd be more excited without the cushion of space between them, if she were curled up into his side. It would make him feel so much better.

When she's done, she puts the remote aside and lets her hand fall back on the cushion between them. It could be a coincidence; it could mean nothing. But if she can have a campaign to get him familiar with pop culture, he can have his own, private counter-campaign, one where he tries to figure out how to, someday, date her.

So he reaches back, takes her hand, and sees her smile a little.

Maybe it won't even be that hard.

Of course, the thing about his plan is that it involves a lot of risk. If making a move on Clarke goes wrong, his whole life is kind of ruined. He has other friends, of course, other people he cares about, but--he adores Clarke, like he's never adored anyone else. If it works out, it's going to be amazing. If it doesn't, he'll still have to live with her, and with the knowledge that she doesn't want him.

"Or you could, you know, get a girlfriend," Miller says. "I hear that's good, if you're into it. And she's cool and likes all your weird shit. It's been long enough she's probably not even just into you for your body."

"I'm not worried about that. I'm worried she's not into me at all."

"Dude. You've had other roommates, right? You get that this isn't normal."

"It's not about roommates. It's about her. She could be like this with all her roommates. She finds out something is weird and has to fix it. That's how she is."

"She can do that and still be into you," Miller says. "Which, again, I'm pretty sure she is. Her signals are not subtle. She looks at your mouth a lot."

"Why do you know that?"

"Monty and I have a drinking game. Once you're dating someone, the stress about them not liking you goes away and you have to make your own fun."

He rubs his face. "I'm going to tell her. I can do that thing where I yawn and put my arm around her, right? That's what people do during movies."

"How do you know that but not what The Terminator is?"

"I assume it's a guy who terminates things," he says. "Is it going to help me hit on Clarke? If it doesn't, I don't care."

"It probably could. You need all the help you can get."

He leans back, closing his eyes. "I'm going to figure it out any day. Just wait."

"I'm not holding my breath," says Miller, and Bellamy inclines his head without straightening it up.

"Yeah, I wouldn't suggest it."

When he's still working on figuring out how to subtly shift into Clarke and put his arm around her during a movie, they hit the Star Wars issue.

It's weird to think of Star Wars as an issue, but lots of people love Star Wars, and he knows Clarke is one of them. She doesn't make a huge deal of it or anything, but she has a Darth Vader mug that her dad gave her before he died, and she actually owns the DVDs, which is pretty rare for her. She usually just streams things.

It seemed pretty unlikely that he'd be able to avoid it coming up ever, but he hoped he'd be able to avoid it coming up until he was sure she liked him. When he didn't think it could ruin things.

It's so stupid. He knows it is.

He's at the stove, working on dinner, when it finally comes up, and he doesn't even notice. He did know May the force be with you was a thing, but his primary association with the word force isn't the Star Wars franchise, so he runs through a list of things it could be and finally guesses, "Is that a band?"

He'll maintain it's a good guess. They don't usually buy movie tickets that much in advance. And she seems to expect him to know what it is, which isn't usually how she acts about movies. Plus, he knew there was a new Star Wars coming at some point, but he thought it wasn't for a while, and he didn't know the name.

But then Clarke says, slow, "It's the new Star Wars," and he tries and fails not to wince.

"Huh," he says, careful.

There's a pause, and then he feels her by his side, so close he could hook his arm around her waist if he wanted to. Which, he does, but--not right now.

"You know I don't care, right?" she asks, because she does know him. "You haven't seen movies, big deal. It's kind of nice. I get to show you all my favorite stuff and you've never seen it before. I get to see you seeing it for the first time."

He's heard that before, but he does believe it from Clarke. She seems equally delighted when he enjoys things and when he complains, but--he wants to love the things she loves. He wants to have these things in common.

"Octavia told you," he says, mostly to see what she'll say. Of course she talked to Octavia about it, but--he doesn't know exactly what Clarke thought was important. Or what Octavia assumes about why he's so stubborn about these things.

"Just that you guys didn't have a TV when you were kids," she says, with an easy shrug. "And that she gets annoyed with people asking her why she hasn't seen stuff."

He nods, looks at her sidelong. "I know all the spoilers."

"For what?"

"Star Wars. Darth Vader is Luke's father. Luke and Leia are siblings. The prequels are shit. Jar Jar Binks is the worst." He scrambles for any other knowledge of the franchise and comes up wit, "Uh, Yoda," which at least makes her laugh.

"You think Yoda is a spoiler?"

"He's not? I feel like once I saw him, there wasn't much point in anything else."

"Yeah, we all feel that way about Yoda." She nods, as if this was a discussion, and now they're on the same page. "So, this weekend, right? You and me, Star Wars marathon. You were a space kid. I bet you haven't seen Star Trek either," she adds, perking up again. She sounds gleeful, and all he really wants is to make her happy.

He wants this to be as fun as she thinks it will be.

"I thought you weren't allowed to like both," he says, wary.

"I'm a rebel." She taps her jaw. "I think you'd like DS9, that's the one that's got, like--it's the one that's good if you don't have the benefit of nostalgia."

"You're making this sound great."

"I try to be realistic," she says, and he knows that's true too. She's been working so hard at this. She's been so careful.

And now she wants to jump in the deep end with Star Wars.

"I might not like it."

"We don't have to watch DS9."

"I meant Star Wars," he says. "Is that going to be a problem? You going to have to move out?"

Her smile is a little patronizing, and he has to admit he deserves it. "I'll live. But I think you're going to like it."

"I had this girlfriend in high school," he lets himself admit. It's one of those stories that he feels hurt him more than it should have, that he doesn't like caring about. But she was the first girl he'd ever really dated, instead of fooling around, and he'd liked her. He'd thought they had something good. Now, he knows that it wouldn't have lasted anyway, but--it was easy for him to get attached back then. He was so greedy for affection. "She found out I liked the Harry Potter books, but I'd never seen the movie, and she was--like you, I guess." It's not true, not really; he doesn't think Clarke will be anything like Roma was. But he needs to hear her say she's not. "She was really excited she got to show them to me. And I fucking hated the first movie," he admits, with a wry smile. "I always kind of saw Harry as, uh--I thought he'd look more like me, and no one else looked like I pictured them either and it just--I thought it was shitty, I didn't want to watch the rest, she got pissed, and we broke up. Over a stupid Harry Potter movie. And it's not like I really cared," he adds, which isn't exactly true either. He wants to not care, but everyone else always makes him feel like he has to. Just because Clarke does it in a nice way doesn't mean he can stop fretting. Fretting is what he does. "But I did get sick of it. I haven't seen some stuff. Who cares?"

She leans her forehead against his shoulder blade, warm and affectionate. "I kind of like it when you hate stuff," she tells him. "It's fun."

"Yeah, I've noticed. But--you like Star Wars."

"Yup," she says, without a trace of worry.

"I want to like it."

"Maybe you will." There's a pause, and then she adds, deliberate, "I'm not going to break up with you if you don't like Star Wars, Bellamy."

"We're not dating," he says, voice a little dry. It doesn't even feel true, right now. It feels as if he could kiss her, and she'd slide into his arms and not leave. "So that would be tough. Do we have to watch the prequels?"

"I'm going to do some research," she declares, because of course she is, and he loves her.

"Research?" he asks, and lets himself hope it's going to be okay as she walks him through her plan.

Star Wars is really long, after all. He can definitely stretch and wrap his arm around her at some point.

He blames his actual excitement about the whole thing for his slip-up with Octavia. They're on their weekly check-in call, and when she asks him if he's doing anything special over the weekend, he tells her, "Watching Star Wars with Clarke," without thinking about it.

During the long pause, he remembers that his sister has tried, on multiple occasions, to convince him to watch Star Wars, for his own edification. Half of his refusal to see those movies, specifically, was just to piss her off.

If anyone had asked him, he would have said he assumed Octavia knew he was in love with Clarke. He sort of assumes everyone knows. It's a both minor miracle and annoyance that Clarke seems to have missed it. So it doesn't really feel like this should be a surprise for her. She should be able to figure it out.

"All of them?" is what she finally asks.

"You didn't think I had a social life, did you?" He shrugs, even though she can't see it. "Might as well get it over with. She wants to go to the new one, so--"

"So that is a thing."

"I don't know what you were expecting, you had your hot friend move in with me. Obviously I have a thing for her. I thought you knew."

"You're such a mess, Bell," she says. "If you like Star Wars, I'm never going to let you live it down."

"Cool," he says. "I'll deserve it."

Despite his best efforts to sleep in, he wakes up stupidly early on Saturday. At least the problem isn't really nerves about not liking Star Wars; he's basically fine with however that turns out. But the event feels significant, and he's got his mind half set on today being it. He's going to make a move on Clarke, somehow.

But she's not even awake yet, so if his brain would just shut the fuck up about it, that would be great. He gathers some of his thesis stuff to work on to distract himself, getting set up on the couch fairly happily. He's going for cool and casual, but of course as soon as Clarke comes out, she calls him out on it, which is fine. He wasn't really planning to keep the books once she was awake, he just needed something to do with his hands.

He gets the stuff put away and is settled back in by the time she's ready with coffee and cereal, and he can see her thinking for a second before she sits directly next to him, close enough that he can feel the heat coming off her side.

So they're on the same page. That's good.

"Okay, so," he says, shifting so he can get more comfortable, putting his arm behind her on the couch, but not really around her shoulders. "What's the plan? Did you figure out the optimal order to watch these in?"

"Machete order, basically," she says, like this will mean something to him. His expression must give him away, because she counts off on her fingers. "Episode four, episode five, episode two, episode three, episode six. And instead of watching The Phantom Menace, we just listen to the Weird Al "American Pie" parody song, which is way better."

"Cool. Which one is your favorite?"

She flashes him a grin. "Why, do you want to be nice to it?"

"Kind of, yeah."

Apparently it's the right answer, because she actually starts snuggling with him, which is the best kind of alarming. She's warm and smells like day-old shampoo, and it's the kind of perfect, comfortable morning he'd like to have every weekend.

"Return of the Jedi," she says. "I think the Ewoks are cute. Apparently this is a really unpopular opinion on the internet." She flashes him another bright smile. "I got in some fights while I was looking into this, so you better appreciate it."

"My hero," he says, getting his arm around her shoulders. "Are people against cute things?"

Clarke trades her cereal for the remote. "Not exactly. Just, you know. Star Wars is at its best when it's all serious and about a lack of hope for the future or something. Which is bullshit, especially given the first movie is called A New Hope. That's setting an optimistic tone."

"The first movie or the fourth movie?"

"Fourth movie."

"That's definitely needlessly confusing, for the record."

"Yeah, I think it was supposed to be kind of exciting? The ultimate in media res. But it gets weird to talk about."

He lets himself rest his cheek on her hair. "What's the one coming out soon that we have to see? What episode, I mean. Negative five?"

"Seven," she says, fond. "Okay, first disclaimer."

"Jesus, already?"

She ignores him. "These are the new versions, so I'm going to yell at the screen about how George Lucas is a hack any time one of the new scenes is on."

"Perfect. This is a lot of text. Do I need to be reading it?"

"No, you're fine. Evil empire, no hope, the usual."

"Is Yoda the new hope?"

She laughs. "No, Yoda is his sled." There's a pause. "You get that reference from just being alive, right?"

"Citizen Kane?" he hazards.

"Yeah. Which I've never actually seen. We should watch it. Grow as people."

"That sounds awful. The ships are pretty cool," he adds, hesitant. Effects don't always work for him, but he can imagine how cool the opening would look on a big screen, how all-consuming.

"That's a Star Destroyer," she says. "Evil empire ship."

"Evil empires get all the cool ships." He slides his arm further down, around her waist, and she finishes up the last few bites of cereal and puts the bowl down so she can curl against his chest.

He could definitely get used to this. And he even thinks he'll have the chance to.

He misses Yoda's first appearance, but it's definitely not his fault. He's trying to figure out when he should be tugging Clarke into his lap to kiss her, and it's hard to plan that when he's never seen the movie. And he is enjoying the movie. It's just that the girl he's in love with is tangled in his arms and they're holding hands and he's not sure there's a movie in the world that could distract him from that. Especially given what a great angle he has to look down her tank top right now.

"I was expecting more of a reaction," she says.

He starts, guilty. "What?"

"Yoda. I know he's your top priority."

He squints at the screen. Luke is on some kind of weird gray swamp planet, and everything seems bad.

Then he sees the weird green thing.

"Holy shit, is that him?"

Clarke is laughing. "I thought you knew what he looked like!"

"I thought he'd be bigger. And brighter green. And--wow. That's a lot."

She squeezes his fingers. "Everything you dreamed?"

"Honestly, yeah. What's he made out of? Is there an actor in there?"

"I think he's a puppet."

"Wow. That's awesome."

"I'm glad he lives up to expectations. He and Luke are going to do a training montage."

"He's a teacher?"

"Jedi master."

"Huh."

"See, you didn't get spoiled for everything."

"Not everything," he agrees, turning his focus to their linked hands. "I didn't see this one coming."

"Fun fact, Weird Al actually wrote that song before the movie came out based on Internet spoilers," Clarke tells him, once they're finished with the musical recap of the first episode. If it's really accurate, he doesn't feel like he's missing that much. He has yet to develop any emotional attachment to Anakin Skywalker.

"And I'll never know how accurate it is."

"You can watch the first one. I won't stop you."

"What's the point if you're not watching it with me?" he asks without thinking, and he's rewarded with a smile and slight flush.

"Suffering is better together," she agrees. "Okay. Episode two?"

"Sure," he says.

He'd like to say he gives the movie a fair try, but he honestly just doesn't. Clarke doesn't like it, and it's not like he's doing this just to impress her, but if she's not engaged, he isn't going to be either.

Besides, she just keeps getting closer to him, and even if he didn't basically want to marry her, he'd be dealing with some noticeable physical reactions.

"Do I need to care about this?" he asks. Pre-Vader and his girlfriend are flirting. Maybe. It's probably supposed to be flirting, but Han and Leia were a lot more convincing.

"Yes, this is--" She makes a face. "Honestly, I can't even think of a fake reason to care. I honestly have no idea what happens in this--"

He catches her jaw and tugs her mouth to his, swallowing the end of her sentence. She laughs into the kiss, this bright, pleased sound, and repositions so she can reciprocate without hurting her neck. He mouth is soft and warm and perfect, and she's pressing in close, like she wouldn't have been able to wait much longer either.

"This is because I'm bored and you're all over me," he tells her, trying not to grin too hard. "Not because the movie is romantic. I just want that to be clear."

"Because you're bored?" she asks, amused, and he nips her neck.

"We need to be dating by the time we're watching Return of the Jedi so you can dump me when I don't like it," he teases. "So I was working on a pretty short timetable."

Clarke looks like she's going to say something, but she leans in first, and he can't help kissing her again, and it turns into making out basically instantly, warm and perfect, making his whole chest light up. She's so warm and eager on top of him, so perfect.

"That's probably not going to happen," she murmurs, and there's a split second of total panic before she laughs softly and noses his jaw. "I meant dumping you, not dating you. I don't think there's anything you can say about Return of the Jedi to make me stop liking you."

He wasn't actually worried, not with any conscious part of his brain, because he knows her, and he knows she wouldn't be doing this if she wasn't serious. So it's easy to laugh and let his hands find the hem of her shirt, pulling it off when she obligingly raises her arms. "Sounds like a challenge." he says, giving her another kiss. "What if I hate the Ewoks?"

"I'll live."

"What if I think the entire franchise is a waste?"

"You like Princess Leia, so I know you don't."

"What if I--"

"What if instead of talking about Star Wars, we had sex?" she suggests, grinding down on him with a wicked smirk. "Don't get me wrong, it's fun and all, but--come on, Bellamy. It's just a movie."

He laughs, sliding his hands up her back to unhook her bra. "Yeah," he agrees. "Just a movie."

#Anonymous

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ace-pidge · 7 years

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LotR AU!

Because Miss Onions is nothing if not an enabler. I blame her entirely :3c

This is a tentative cast so it may change in the future, and you’ll notice I’m missing several key characters to fully round out the LotR cast. That’s because there are much too few characters in VLD to fill out all the roles that need filling :P Also just a note this is mainly based on the movies, because I’ve only ever read the books once and I don’t really remember everything

If anyone wants to expand on this/talk to me about it absolutely feel free!

(My reasoning for some of the choices is under the cut)

The Fellowship

Aragorn: Shiro Legolas: Keith Gimli: Lance Merry: Hunk Pippin: Pidge Frodo: Allura Sam: Coran Gandalf: Alfor Boromir: Antok maybe?

The Villains

Sauron: Haggar Saruman: Zarkon Black Riders/Ringwraiths; Sendak + other Galra commanders we’ve seen

Others/Misc

Elves: In general, the Olkari and the good Galra (BoM, Keith, etc), which means that -> Elrond: Kolivan Haldir: Ulaz Haldir’s army at Helm’s Deep: A BoM detachment Galadriel: Ryner (OR Keith’s hypothetical mom) Orcs: Bad Galra (soldiers, drones, etc) Eowyn: Shay, which means that -> Eomer: Rax, which means that -> People of Rohan: Balmerans, which means that -> Theoden: Some Balmeran or other. Shay’s dad? idk Treebeard: Slav, because why not Leader of the Army of the Dead: Matt (lmao don’t take this seriously. Or do. Idk) Faramir: Thace maybe? Denethor/People of Gondor: ??????? No idea, I’ve run out of possible characters Arwen: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (an Olkari??) Gollum: Fuck if I know

Some reasoning (below the cut)

I started off with Legolas and Gimli as Keith and Lance because the relationships fit well (L/G’s banter is very K/L-ish to me). Then Aragorn as Shiro was a no brainer (he’s their leader, also the relationship between the three--A/L/G--parallels S/K/L’s quite nicely, especially with how Aragorn seems to have a slightly deeper connection with Legolas than with the others, kinda like Shiro with Keith)

From there I kinda built the rest of the AU around them

Ulaz being Haldir (the Elf who led a force in aid of the defenders of Helm’s Deep) is purely for angst potential with Shiro/Aragorn

I mean: Aragorn rushed to his side and attempted to brace him up, but Haldir had fallen. Aragorn looked upon him with much love and respect, placing his hand on Haldir's heart. Hearing oncoming Uruk-hai about to corner him, as he was the last one left on the wall, he respectfully laid down his fallen friend's body and escaped.

Hunk and Pidge being Merry and Pippin fits nicely cause it translates into Shiro Keith and Lance going on an epic journey to save their fellow paladins (essentially the entire plot of Two Towers)

Also I just really need Hunk and Pidge raising an army of Ents with Treebeard(Slav?) to take over Isengard

And I need Pidge to sing this, and have this playing in the background

If Hunk is Merry, it follows that Shay should be Eowyn, and then you get the two of them riding out in secret to battle, and them facing down the leader of the Nazgul(Sendak) together, which. Yes

Alfor is Gandalf cause they’re both helpful wise old guys who “die” at one point :^

Haggar is Sauron and Zarkon is Saruman because

1) it’s my headcanon that Haggar is actually the one pulling the strings and Zarkon is but a puppet, much as Saruman is to Sauron

2) Haggar being Sauron fits nicely with Shiro being Aragorn, since they’re each other’s more direct antagonists

3) Zarkon being Saruman fits nicely with the Balmerans being the people of Rohan since he enslaved/corrupted/controlled them. Also Zarkon raising an army of Galra to march against Helm’s Deep like Saruman did with his Uruk-hai

Antok and Thace being Boromir and Faramir is very tentative, but I kinda like it. Especially Thace, he has the same kind of honourable heart as Faramir I think. I talked about finding someone for Faramir who has a special connection with Pidge since the Faramir-Pippin relationship is so important. While Thace doesn’t really fit the bill, I imagine that he and Pidge would have gotten along well had he lived. So I’m keeping it this way for now. Also Antok dying trying to protect Hunk and Pidge ;A;

Allura and Coran being Frodo and Sam is partly because I didn’t have anywhere else to put them, but the more I think of it the more it fits. Coran is very devoted to Allura the same way Sam is to Frodo, and I think it’s fitting that Allura would have the incredibly important task of carrying the Ring to Mordor

#voltron #voltron legendary defender #voltron headcanons #lotr au #team voltron #mine #headcanon #vld

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garden-ghoul · 7 years

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return of the blog, part.... uhhhh

“that’s right, I can’t even reliably count to three. or maybe I can and it’s four I can’t reliably count to?”

That aside, something horrible is about to happen.

THE SIEGE OF GONDOR

Gandalf wakes up Pippin at “the second hour,” which is either 2am or like 9am, depending on where they’re counting from. Pippin stares at his bread butter & milk breakfast miserably and says, “Why did you bring me here?”

“You know quite well,” said Gandalf. “To keep you out of mischief; and if you do not like being here, you can remember that you brought it on yourself.”

Dude. He’s a teen and he was cursed. Give him a break.

He has to go see Denethor, who treats him rather rudely and then says he’ll be the lord’s esquire for today. Does he know any songs? Well, um, not many that are fitting here... Pippin does not want to sing comic songs or lewd songs to the Steward of Gondor. I just can’t get over this teen thing, he is like a college freshman who got out for the summer after a socially productive semester and now he works for the president. It’s fucking ridiculous. Well, he goes and gets some fancy livery so he’ll look regal enough for Denethor, and it only makes him gloomier. I love all the descriptions of Merry and Pippin being gloomy about being treated like ornaments.

Near sunset he’s finally released from his service (both boring and arduous, though I’ll wager he’s been doing a lot of good eavesdropping) and goes to hang out with Beregond and bemoan the fact that Faramir isn’t here. Oh! How convenient! There’s Faramir’s company right there (what’s left of it), being attacked by Nazgul! LUCKILY Gandalf, who vanished a while ago, seems to have foreseen this; he chases them away with light magic. Pippin runs to the gates to see Faramir coming home, and immediately gets a crush on him. He’s so noble! So tired! Yet so approachable!

Denethor does not really think so. He finds the smallest crack in Faramir’s demeanor as he’s making his report, and verbally eviscerates him in front of the guests. Y’know, for letting the Ring go into Mordor, and also for being alive even though Denethor is the one who told Boromir to go questing. Denethor and Gandalf yell at each other for a while, it’s rather frightening. As Pippin and Gandalf are leaving (Faramir has gone off to get some sleep, thank goodness!) Gandalf says he is filled with foreboding that Sam and Frodo are going via Cirith Ungol. How would YOU have gone, Gandalf? Through the front door? Secret tunnel?

The next morning everyone is gloomy again. They WERE excited about Faramir coming back--the text sort of implies that everyone in the city is a little in love with him--

But now Faramir was gone again. ‘They give him no rest,’ some murmured. ‘The Lord drives his son too hard, and now he must do the duty of two, for himself and for the one that will not return.’ And ever men looked northward, asking: ‘Where are the Riders of Rohan?’

Restless, restless, restless. Electric air. That Good Stuff. Faramir has been sent to Osgiliath to strengthen the garrison:

‘Then farewell!’ said Faramir. ‘But if I should return, think better of me!’

‘That depends on the manner of your return,’ said Denethor.

Ouch. Why do I get the feeling that Denethor will only think better of him if he returns in a coffin? As Faramir leaves, Gandalf tells him that his father loves him. Umm okay but how does that mitigate his awful treatment of Faramir. Doesn’t that make it worse? Right now I’m thinking about how Faramir is probably going to have to fight the Witch King since he’s leading the attack on Osgiliath, and thinking about how Eowyn is the one who kills him, and just being really excited for them to meet. Weary guy who hates to fight but must; frustrated enby who is chomping at the bit to murder some dudes. Honestly doesn’t that describe ALL the best Tolkien ships. Sometimes he does ladies right and it’s so #aesthetic. Wait I think the aesthetic I’m describing is just classic Jewish gender roles. Gentle studious men and women alight with the fire of direct action. I’m gay for both of these genders.

Anyway the next day the Black Host or whatever comes through the wall of the Pelennor Fields, despite the fact that Faramir is still doing his best to hold the rearguard off in Osgiliath. Including, yep, the Witch King. Actually they never refer to him as the Witch King in these books and I’m not sure where I heard it, but it’s an amazing title. Anyway mounted sorties start going out into Pelennor, with Gandalf at Prince Whoever of Amroth at their head. Denethor at least doesn’t let them overextend themselves; he calls them in very promptly so they won’t get trapped or too tired. I get the impression that for quick strikes they have the advantage because all of Sauron’s people are on foot. Oh, except a full third of them died anyway, because Sauron’s forces MASSIVELY outnumber them. Faramir has come back dead or wounded, and EVERYONE is crying. They bring him back to Denethor, who goes up into his tower and people see a strange flashing light and he comes down even more dead-looking than his dead son. I am beginning to suspect that the reason the text has alluded so many times to how far-sighted and well-informed Denethor is, is that he has a palantir. And this is some kind of secret, maybe?

The very last companies who can make it come back in through the gates, and they report that there is no way the Rohirrim can possibly make it in to help them now. The enemy is throwing fire over the walls. They’re throwing severed heads over the walls. Nazgul are circling. Denethor is weeping by Faramir’s body. Gandalf and the prince of Amroth have taken command of the city. There’s an aside here with Gondorians whispering about how elvish the people of Dol Amroth are--the people of Nimrodel. I’m glad there’s at least one version of the story where they found each other again and settled down, even if “the coast” probably wasn’t the land Nimrodel dreamed of that had never heard of war.

Hey, let’s check in on Denethor! Oh, uh, the palantir broke his will and he’s planning to set himself on fire in his despair. That’s cool I guess. Pippin goes to fetch Gandalf, as if he couldn’t possibly have anything more important to do than save one rude old man’s life. Or no, Pippin suspects he is going to kill Faramir as well. He passes Beregond and tells him to stop anything awful from happening.

OMG SORRY I FORGOT EVERYTHING I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PAYING ATTENTION TO BECAUSE WE HAVE FINALLY CONFIRMED THAT THE BATTERING RAM GROND IS INDEED NAMED FOR MORGOTH’S HAMMER. I CAN STOP READING NOW THIS IS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW.

No no jk I will keep reading. I’m extremely pleased though. I have “Grond! Grond! Grond!” echoing in my head nonstop some days. Um anyway the Witch King is there, casting an evil spell to help Grond along, and on the third go it BURSTS the gates open!

‘You cannot enter here,’ said Gandalf, and the huge shadow halted. ‘Go back to the abyss prepared for you! Go back! Fall into the nothingness that awaits you and your Master. Go!’

The Black Rider flung back his hood, and behold! he had a kingly crown; and yet upon no head visible was it set.

Fuck yes.

Somewhere in the city, a cock crows, because having half of Gondor on fire in no way disrupted this chicken’s daily routine. Dawn. And with it, the horns of Rohan.

THE RIDE OF THE ROHIRRIM

The beginning of this chapter has a lot of fun sense description, since Merry is lying awake in complete darkness listening to the distant sounds of the Enemy’s hosts. Smelling the horses. All that. He thinks about how weird it is that everyone is just ignoring him because they know he’s not supposed to be here; Dernhelm seems to have some kind of “understanding” with Elfhelm, the marshal of their company. Sorry. Elfhelm? Elf? Helm? Is that a guy’s actual name? Elfhelm trips over Merry in the dark, and Merry asks What Is Up. As it turns out what is up is Woses, and what will soon be up is all the Rohirrim. I was gonna explain what Woses are but I think it’s way funnier if I don’t.

A Wose has come to offer help to Theoden, since he hates orcs as much as the next guy. Woses, he says, have “long ears and long eyes,” which isn’t especially relevant as far as I can tell but it’s delightful. The leader of the Woses, Ghan-buri-Ghan, knows a secret road! All he wants as a reward is... for the Rohirrim to stop hunting his people like beasts. What the fuck. I can’t believe Ghan-buri-Ghan actually prefers the Rohirrim to orcs. They go through the forest, and it takes all day, but the next morning before dawn they are ready to go do murders. Merry is upset again because he’s actually zero good at fighting and is just going to get himself and others killed.

The king sat upon Snowmane, motionless, gazing upon the agony of Minas Tirith, as if stricken suddenly by anguish, or by dread. He seemed to shrink down, cowed by age. Merry himself felt as if a great weight of horror and doubt had settled on him. His heart beat slowly. Time seemed poised in uncertainty. They were too late! Too late was worse than never! Perhaps Théoden would quail, bow his old head, turn, slink away to hide in the hills.

Then suddenly Merry felt it at last, beyond doubt: a change. Wind was in his face! Light was glimmering. Far, far away, in the South the clouds could be dimly seen as remote grey shapes, rolling up, drifting: morning lay beyond them.

Nice nice nice nice nice that’s some top notch metaphor. Tolkien is sooo good at environmental metaphors and foreshadowing. IDK there’s just something about the way the whole world seems to get in on the narrative, it’s really good. Spear shall be shaken, shield be splintered; a sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Theoden grabs a horn from someone and blows on it so hard it EXPLODES. AND THEY’RE OFF!! Join us next time for

THE BATTLE OF THE PELENNOR FIELDS

#blog of the rings

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