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btssmutficslovingfan01 · 3 years

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Friendly Encounters- Chapter Five

𝒮𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎: A friend challenges you to go out of your comfort zone and talk to one of the cute boys at the café. However, after attempting to flirt with one of them, they reveal that they are in a relationship with each other. It’s fine, though, because you’re all friends now!

𝒢𝑒𝓃𝓇𝑒: Romance

𝑅𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔: Smut, Angst

𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈: Graphic Depictions of sex, Use of Slurs, This chapter really hits you in the feels.

𝒲𝑜𝓇𝒹𝓈: 8k

𝒫𝒶𝒾𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔: Jimin x Yoongi x Reader

Masterlist

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After making sure that Jimin is safely hidden from your father’s judgmental stare (and that you have your clothes intact), you open the door, awkwardly greeting your father who went on a business trip.

“I was called back here on short notice. Apparently one of my colleagues saw you out and about with some boys, what’s this about?” You sigh, relieved that he didn’t catch you and Jimin in the act.

“They are just friends. You know that I don’t date.” You leave it at that, your father taking his leave once again after he is satisfied with your answer.

“Shit, I thought he caught us.” You help pull Jimin up out from under your bed.

“I did too.” He gives you a kiss on the cheek, before taking the vibrator out of your clenching hole. “I can’t believe you stayed quiet that entire time, I really thought you were about to give me away.” He lets out a chuckle before wrapping his lips around your pearl and sucking your clit a bit too harshly.

“Fuuuuuck, Jimin!” You throw your head back as your boyfriend hits that bundle of nerves right as he circles your g-spot and a sticky white substance comes gushing out, making you moan straight into a pillow. The overstimulation was enough to make your legs give out, resulting in a much less pleasurable muscle cramp right on your thigh. Jimin lets out a soft chuckle before helping you sit up and he massages your leg until the pain is gone.

“You’re so tense, kitten. Maybe it would help if we did this everyday now, from about 5-8, particularly?”

You give him a peck on the lips, unfazed by the fact that he tasted like you but also surprised by how it’s not bad. Jimin’s lips look better covered in cum. Your own cum. Geez, you know you’re going to hell for thinking that. But you’re just stating the facts here.

“Jiminie, we don’t need a schedule to hang out. Besides, you must be busy with work.”

“Nope, I’ve got that covered.” He gives you his phone so you could see his schedule for yourself. Every day he has an 8 hour shift from 8am-3pm every day. It’s the most consistent one you’ve seen yet, considering the café hours are still inconsistent. Maybe that’s why Jin doesn’t have as many customers as he’d like to have.

“Do you guys have any form of advertising?” You ask, as he plays in bed next to you while you scroll through tumblr mindlessly looking at the hot idol boys with their abs flashing the camera and neatly brushed hair as they know exactly what they do to their fans at home.

“Just flyers, I guess.” Jimin seems uninterested, more concentrated on the video game in front of him.

“Hmm, I think I have an idea.” You let out a chuckle before turning to look at the contact in front of you. You were about to help Jin expand his business.

༻• Wednesday, At a Houseparty •༺

You didn’t tell Jimin and Yoongi because you didn’t want them to worry, but you had a release period and used the opportunity to meet up with someone at a party that a mutual friend of yours was hosting.

It was Jaehyun, Jungkook’s much more attractive twin. You flash him your best smile before greeting him like an old friend.

“It’s nice to see you again, babe. Didn’t think you were coming back to my place anytime soon after what my brother did.”

He smiles at you, knowing that your interaction with him was temporary and you were probably using him for your own personal needs.

You aren’t like that, but Jae doesn’t know any better. You proved enough with the way you pushed him aside every time he offered you a cigarette. Who even smokes nowadays?

“Just because I’m not friends with Jungkook anymore doesn’t mean we can’t hang out. I think you’re pretty cool on your own.”

You weren’t lying, you did think Jae had a coolness factor that Jungkook couldn’t compete with. He has that bad boy edgy-ness that you don’t find anywhere else.

As you look around, he leans in and whispers in your ear,

“For the record, I think you’re pretty cool too, nerd girl.” You blush as he compliments you, feeling strangely attracted to him. He always flirts with you, but this time felt different. Is it because he gained muscle? Or maybe it’s the cool tattoos that stretch around his biceps.

You shake off your thoughts, excusing yourself to get a drink. Your new friend is nowhere in sight, the only detail you have of them is that they will be wearing a very bright red article of clothing.

At first your gaze is directed to the guy with a red cap on backwards, who is coincidentally surrounded by girls on a couch but it couldn’t be him because he’s too busy in a conversation with someone already.

You keep scanning the crowd until your eyes land on a woman. She has dark hair, as dark as the night sky when the moon is nowhere to be seen.

She has a bright red dress on, covered in sequins from head to toe and golden hoop earrings. You can make out these details as she sways her hips to the music blaring through the speakers, looking much older than the kids surrounding her.

She has to be a woman in her late twenties, at least, but she looks very graceful, moving around with much more control as the people around her sloppily make out with each other and dance like they just learned how to walk.

She isn’t drunk either, as she notices you staring and a playful smirk tugs on her lips. You blush, looking away as she made her way over to the punch table, greeting you with a kiss on the cheek.

“Hi cutie! I’m guessing you must be Yoonmin-Café?” She giggles as you nod, smoothing out the wrinkles in your old dress that you wore to one of your arranged marriage meetings.

“That’s me, and you must be Bellasaurus?” She lets out a laugh that could rival Jin’s.

And then it hits you; this lady is exactly like Jin. With her looks, to her obvious age, and her maturity.

“Let’s talk.”

You both make your way to a less crowded area, and since you’ve been inside the Jeon residence thousands of times before, you can navigate easily with your eyes closed.

“My name is actually Sonia. I use Bellasaurus as a cover name for my business.”

“You design websites for marketing purposes, correct?”

“Yes, and I run a successful multi-million dollar blog from my family’s account. Apart from that, I’m fully self-made.” You nod, impressed by her credentials.

“I want to do something for my friends. They work at a café and I just wish people could see the kind of love I’ve experienced at that place. If you could find it in your heart, please help me show the world what I see everyday behind the counter, with warm individuals spreading love for the world through the art of barista-ing.” You cringe at your own last few words, causing the woman to double over in a fit of laughter before she rubs the tears away from her eyes.

“Okay, okay, you’ve convinced me. I’ll design a site for the café.”

“Yes!” You jump up, shaking her hand in enthusiasm.

”Not so fast, cutie,” You gulp at her tone, feeling your heart sink at her sudden words. “I’ll have to check this place out myself to see just how ‘full of love,’ it really is. For all I could know, these people could be holding you hostage and forced you to come here against your will.”

“I’m 18! A perfectly legal adult and fully capable—”

“Yadda yadda yadda, yeah spare me the details, I need some real proof here.”

“Fine,” You stand up, gesturing for her to follow you. “Catch you later, Jae.” You wave to your host as he waves back. Things have eased a lot between you two. Maybe if you have him a chance earlier things wouldn’t have been so bad between you, Jasmine, and Jungkook.

The lady follows behind you, panting as you walk only one block.

“I thought you wanted to check the place out yourself?” You ask with a smug smile, folding your arms as she looks up at you with daggers in her eyes.

“I wasn’t expecting ya to walk all the way there now, I thought we were gonna set up another meeting at the location.” She pants, taking off her heels and walking barefoot on the sidewalk.

“Nope.” You enthusiastically make your way to the cafe, ringing the bell and surprising your boyfriends with your appearance as they were close to closing time, anyways.

“Why aren’t you in school? And who’s this old lady?” Jimin asks in a scolding tone as you blushh and fumble with your words.

“Old lady? Well I’ll have you know I’m 29, young man, rude boy!” She sticks her tongue out at him before taking in the environment. “You know what, I think I see what you meant,” Sonia turns back to you, giving you a wide grin. “I’ll do it. I’ll design a blog about this place,” She smirks, fishing out a business card. “Where can I meet the owner?” She asks you.

“Ah, he’s probably stocking things as we speak, always busy.” You make your way to the back, finding Jin in the middle of moving items into the pantry. Sonia hands you her shoes, quickly getting to work in helping Jin. After a bit of light conversation, the two find that they share an interest in dad jokes. This is something that you didn’t know about Sonia. You pat Jin on the back and then he looks surprised when Sonia mentions that you were the one that came to her.

“I’d love to accept, but how do I repay you?” Jin pouts, as if he is doing aegyo for the woman. It’s actually really cute.

“Let me come here and drink coffee once a week. I’d love to spend some time getting to know this quaint little place in the middle of our city.”

“It’s not really that well-known, but if that’s what you want-”

“Please. I want to.” She puts a hand on her heart and nods at Jin, winking at you.

“Okay.”

Jin doesn’t question why she’s in a party dress, or why you did your makeup heavier than usual. His mind is more preoccupied by the woman who made his heart flutter. Sonia was pretty, and she seemed to be cut from the same cloth as him, which is rare enough.

༻• Wednesday, At Home •༺

“That was quite a stunt you pulled there, kitten.” Yoongi pulls off his coat as he gets home, being tasked with temporarily babysitting you, since your mother was out again for a night shift.

“I just wanted to help business grow. I mean, Jimin was complaining about it feeling empty, and you just look so happy, mixing concoctions for customers.”

“I understand that, but what if this stranger tried to hurt you? You can’t trust anyone online these days.” Yoongi gently scolds you, and you fold your arms as the hour hand of the clock nears 10. Jimin should have returned 2 hours ago. Strange.

“Where’s Jimin?” You ask, whipping out your phone and typing something in.

“He’s probably at the jeweler’s,” Yoongi smirks as you turn to him with wide eyes. “Relax, kitten. He went there to get a watch fixed,” He kisses your cheek before making his way to the stairs. “I’m gonna go take a shower. Maybe after I’m done we can spend some more time together?” You nod, thinking back to when you first hung out with Yoongi, listening to some of your favorite songs together.

“Sounds like a plan.” You can’t help but feel worried about your other boyfriend, though. Since Yoongi doesn’t seem very worried, you can conclude he’s safe, and he’ll be back soon.

You retreat upstairs, sighing as you start doing your homework. You only finish half, taking an hour with just three classes. You decided to save math for last, putting your things away as Yoongi knocks on your bedroom door.

“Hey, sorry I took so long. I love taking long, hot showers.” You always thought Yoongi was a more ‘cold showers’ type of guy, since he seemed awkward and couldn’t express himself right off the bat. It took you awhile to get to know him for who he is now, which is your sweet boyfriend.

“That’s nice. I love hot showers too. It gives me the same effect as a hot bath, you know?” He nods, crawling into your bed and rustling the covers. You kick your slippers off, joining him under the covers as he goes on his phone.

“I wanna take millions of pictures of you. We haven’t really done a lot of couple stuff one-on-one. It’s important that we take time doing that, or else it can really affect us as a trio.” You snuggle into Yoongi’s chest, inhaling his fresh pine scent. Yoongi smells less fruity than Jimin, and much more musky. It’s a good musk, actually stronger than Jungkook’s scent. You loved that scent as well, so you don’t waste any time at all with rubbing your face into his chest. He’s wearing a dark green sweatshirt with a pair of comfy pants, just making you crave him even more as he runs his fingers through his bleach-blond hair.

“I’m obsessed with your scent. You’re just so...warm.” You pause for a moment, your gaze flickering from his lips, to his eyes, to his lips. And as you lick your own lips, it’s evident enough that you want to kiss him. Do it. He almost dares you with his own eyes, a blank stare taking the place of his usual smirk.

The kiss is slow at first, you close your eyes, just pressing your lips lightly against his. And then you slip your tongue in, as he pulls you on top of him and you’re both fighting for dominance as you buck your hips into his hard-on.

“Shit.” He groans as you do it again, twisting on top of him as he pulls you down for an open-mouthed kiss. Before you know what’s happening, you’re humping him, literally grinding against him, basically having sex with your clothes on.

“Oh gosh I’m gonna come, Yoongi!” You let out a moan and shiver as he kisses your neck, muttering curses in Korean before moaning in your ear.

“I’m coming too!” You both are tangled up, panting messes as you ride out your orgasm, and your panties are ruined. You flop down on the bed next to Yoongi, sweating profusely and out of breath as he hands you a water bottle. “I haven’t come like that since the eighth grade. And I mean that in a completely good way, dry humping never got me anywhere. I never came from it.” You give him a tired smile before kissing his cheek.

“Maybe it’s a matter of doing it with the right person.” You wink.

“Now that that’s done, I’ll have to go change into a new pair of boxers.”

“Same here. Whoa, I didn’t know I could come without clitoral stimulation.” You thought it was a myth.

“Consider yourself lucky, huh?” You smile as he kisses your lips one last time before disappearing.

“Yoongi, Y/N?” You hear Jimin’s voice further down the hallway. He’s finally returned! Kicking off your panties, you slide your shorts back on and you make your way to the voice.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” You gasp when you see the bruised lip and cut on Jimin’s cheek. “Who did this to you?”

“A couple of guys in the neighborhood thought it would be funny to ‘beat some sense into the fag,’ and when I told them I get more pussy than them, they were enraged.” You stroke his back as he sinks onto the floor in the middle of the hallway, and you both sit in silence as Yoongi opens the door to their shared bedroom.

“Let’s get you fixed up,” He doesn’t even ask Jimin any questions as the boy walks into the room.

“People can be cruel when it comes to things they don’t understand.” You nod in agreement as Yoongi cleans the cut with an alcohol swab and puts a bandaid on his face.

“But why do they call you slurs even if they don’t know your sexuality?” Yoongi shrugs.

“I’m an easy target? I don’t know. They do it because they are ignorant, thinking they’re doing God’s work because people like me shouldn’t exist.” You frown, looking at Jimin’s busted lip again with tears in your eyes.

“That’s not even fair! You just...you’re so kind and sweet and just...it’s so unfair. I’m sorry Jimin-ah.” You kiss his nose as a silent tear makes its way down your face.

“It’s not your fault, baby. This world is filled with ignorance, you can’t blame them for what they did. It was how they were raised.” This man, no, angel is so forgiving that you can’t accept what happened.

“You are actually an angel, Jimin.”

“Thanks Y/N!” He flinches as Yoongi starts cleaning the cut, presumably from the burn. His grip on your hand tightens.

“So...that brings me to my next question. When are you planning to visit your parents?” You refrain from using the word “family,” since Jimin seems more fragile right now. You know now isn’t the best time to bring it up, but if you don’t, who will?

“You don’t have to answer her if you don’t want to, baby.” Hearing Yoongi be so loving with Jimin just makes your heart jolt in your chest. You feel warm and tingly knowing that there is such a caring man looking after you, but there’s uneasiness in your chest as well as doubt. Present yet ever shrinking.

“No, we agreed on this, remember? I’ll go back to my parents when we’re ready. Trust me, you’ll know when it’s time.” He directs his last sentence at you, flinching as Yoongi presses down on his bruised lip.

“We can fix this later. For now, just don’t roll over to the other side of the bed.” Jimin groans as his boyfriend kisses his cheek and he feels the numbness spreading, blocking him from feeling anything else.

“I want kisses.” Jimin pouts as Yoongi brushes his finger across his bruise, touching the bandaid with remorse in his eyes.

“I know, Chim. But you’re hurt. Let’s wait for the wound to heal.” For a moment, your heart clenches. It’s like they are in a different world, interacting with each other. They’ve known each other for years, you know that their bond is a lot stronger and they are closer to each other than they are with you. You feel like you’re intruding on a private moment, like you saw something that was not meant for your eyes.

“Mmm? Y/N, did you hear me?” Yoongi pulls you out of your trance as he calls you again.

“Sorry, I must’ve zoned out. What did you ask?” You fold your hands in your lap, feeling useless since Jimin is already patched up and ready for bed.

“I asked if we could take a rain check on our little house date. Jimin really needs me right now, especially since you bought up his parents. He’s a little sensitive.” You understand what he’s saying for the most part, but your brain twists his words and makes him sound like he’s blaming you for Jimin’s mental state. You knew his parents were the ones that hurt him first, the ones to cast him out on the streets after he told them who he really was, so why did you just talk about going back to them?

It’s just a cycle of pain. As you curl up in your bed alone and left with your thoughts, Jimin and Yoongi are fast asleep in each other’s embrace, not bothered in the slightest bit of any external forces.

You take a moment to wiggle around in your bed before turning on a dim light and grabbing the sky blue vibrator that Jimin got for you a day prior, staring at it as if it would give you answers. As of now, you can assume Jimin’s “lessons” will be on hiatus.

You just want to cum, to come so hard that you forget about the world and all its problems. You wish you could be alone with Yoongi and Jimin in peace. After turning on the vibrator and imagining Jimin’s thick, girthy cock in place of the light blue vibrator, you start moaning, sucking your own fingers, thinking of Yoongi’s dick in your mouth, and how you could take them both so well if they gave you the chance. You wanted to be ruined, it was only a matter of time before it happened. After a much-needed orgasm, you shut everything down and you try to go to sleep.

༻• Thursday, At Home •༺

Your mom gets home early from work, but she leaves quickly as she planned to meet up with an old friend from college. You send her away with a smile on your face, obviously dreaded to be left alone at home again.

Jimin was here, but you felt awkward with speaking to him again since you brought up the topic of his parents. You opted out of knocking on his door, instead staying in your room and texting your sensible friend, Toriel, as she asks you about how things are going with you, Yoongi, and Jimin. You’ve yet to tell her about the poly arrangement, so for now she thinks you’re just harboring unrequited feelings and that you have a schoolgirl crush on the two older men.

Gay men, you’ve never confirmed or denied their gay-ness, so for now she thinks that you’re basically barging into a perfectly happy relationship. Lately, Toriel has been getting on your nerves.

Maybe that’s just the lust talking. Who are you kidding? You need to get laid. After being teased by Jimin and being called “kitten” by both men, you can’t beat around the bush. You ignore the lingerie set that Jimin got you and instead you go to the closet to pull out a set of dark purple lace, with matching panties, a bra, and some complimentary fishnet stockings. You felt more uncomfortable with the stockings on, but you looked good, and with your matching black fishnet gloves, you looked good too.

Now you just need to wait. You take the box of toys and grab the makeshift dick, growing impatient as you swirl the head around your entrance. You close your eyes, imagining Jimin kissing your neck while Yoongi ate you out. Or better yet, Jimin ruining your pussy as Yoongi watches.

The lewd imagery of Yoongi pumping his huge cock in his hand has you shivering, as you push the dildo further inside your drenched hole. You let out a small moan, as your walls tighten around it, and just like a real dick, you feel full. Except, it never comes. You orgasm quietly, covering your mouth as your imagination runs wild. Consisting of Jimin wearing lingerie, stripping it off as he grinds his pretty peach ass against your thigh. Suddenly, you pin him to the counter, sucking his cock harshly, rubbing his testes through the sheer panties.

You wake up the next morning, to your alarm ringing loudly in your ear. You gasp at your state, finding your hand buried between your legs, while you’re wearing nothing but sexy lingerie and fishnet stockings. Your legs are itchy, but that’s probably from being restrained by the tight stockings. Damn, I’m thick. Is the first thought that comes to your mind. The next thing you notice is the sex toys lying scattered. You only have one dildo and vibrator, but you wouldn’t dare get caught with either of them in your possession. On top of that, you hope things with Jimin will get better. If you’ll be spending all of next week with him and Yoongi alone, you don’t know if you can handle the awkwardness. That’s why today, you are going to make up with him.

You start by changing into some clothes, making sure you cover your body so your boyfriend doesn’t notice. You rush in and out of the bathroom, running past Yoongi as he tiredly trudges over to the open door.

“You late for school?” You shake your head, before making your way to the kitchen. You can’t believe you fell asleep when you were supposed to be seducing your younger boyfriend with your sexy undergarments. Luckily, he didn’t stumble into your room last night and find you in your sprawled out state. You really were a mess.

“G-good morning Y/N.” You look up to see that Jimin has entered the kitchen, but he doesn’t make eye contact with you. He avoids your gaze completely, eyes trained on the toast in his plate instead.

“Hi Jiminie...I was hoping to talk to you today.” He looks up at you with wide eyes, a light pink blush prominent on his cheeks.

“R-really? What is it about?” You find his behavior strange, but he is trying to be as normal as he can be. After what happened yesterday. Unbeknownst to you, Jimin had seen everything that happened the night prior, as he came to your room to talk to you about things. Particularly the promise he made before getting beat up by a bunch of douchebags.

He found you in your bed, asleep, wearing some lingerie he had never seen before and your fingers were pressed against your clit, as you rubbed yourself in your sleep for some release. He found himself staring, as he couldn’t look away from your sleeping form. You were an enigma, but before he could do anything else, he hurried out of the room with a boner for Yoongi to take care of.

Even though his hyung made him cum that night, he was still in pain from not being able to pleasure you. In the morning, all was forgiven, and Jimin just wanted to embrace you again without things being awkward between the two of you. It’s not your fault that you didn’t know how bad Jimin’s parents truly were. Yoongi unfortunately had the displeasure of meeting them briefly in public one time after Jimin got kicked out of his own house. His parents did not take a liking to your beautiful blond boyfriend but instead despised him from the start.

Jimin didn’t like it when others took the blame, especially after Yoongi beat himself up over the fact that Jimin’s parents disowned him. He knew of Jimin’s parents being extremely homophobic, but he thought that they personally didn’t like him. He was Jimin’s first official boyfriend, after all. Maybe that’s why you felt so distanced from him. He already suspected you were struggling with insecurity and other anxieties that people normally go through, but you never dare speak of it. Hell, you never complain when Yoongi forgets to replace the roll of toilet paper in the bathroom, nor Jimin forgetting to take his shoes off when he enters the house. You just simply adore them too much.

Jimin is a huge fan of the attention, but he doesn’t like it when he sees his lovers down like this. He knows you like to avoid conflict, but if confrontation is needed, someone should take the lead. Normally, Yoongi would be the one to bring up issues, but right now this is between him and you. It doesn’t involve all three of you. Jimin thinks that your relationship with him is just as important as his relationship with Yoongi. He loves you both with all his heart, even though he hasn’t said the three special words to you yet. That’s why Jimin decides to break the long silence after you stay silent as he asks you the question again, “What did you want to talk to me about?”

You snap out of your little headspace, looking up at your blue haired boyfriend before stretching your arms out in front of you before looking up at Jimin.

“I’m sorry about bringing up the thing about your parents, and I never meant for things to get so awkward between us. I’m sorry, Jimin.” The man shakes his head, before pulling you in for a hug.

“You didn’t realize. It’s fine. Though it will take some time, for you and Yoongi, I will be willing to go back.” You feel comforted at that.

“How are your wounds?”

“They’ve healed overnight. Hyung took good care of me.” Jimin smiles at you as your other boyfriend joins you in the kitchen.

“You need a ride to school, kitten?” Yoongi asks after pressing a kiss to yours and Jimin’s foreheads respectively.

“No, it’s fine. My bus is gonna get here in 20 minutes. I still have a bit of time.”

“Okay, well I have to get going right now. Chim will have less hours, since Jin heard about his injury and he doesn’t want him to strain, so most likely you two will be left alone when you get home.” You send your older boyfriend off with a kiss, and after reading another text from your mom you find out that you’ll be left alone again with Jimin. Completely.

“How’s school?” Jimin attempts to make small-talk with you, but your eyes keep wandering to his plump lips, wondering what type of things he could do to you if you let him.

“It’s going well. I just have some busy work, since one of my teachers is pregnant and away from class at the moment.” You explain, before scarfing down the breakfast that your boyfriend so thoughtfully cooked up for you. In fact, you get so caught up in your own thoughts that you fail to recognize the time, and that you can’t afford to miss the bus. “Bye, bye, Minie.” Jimin seems to take a liking to the nickname immediately, smiling as you kiss his cheek and run out the door.

༻• Later That Day •༺

“Hey, can I talk to you?” You’re surprised to find Jaehyun standing on your driveway as you walk towards your home from the bus stop.

“What’s up?” You look at the man with an identical face to Jungkook’s, the only difference being his nose. Apart from that, he reminds you of your previous crush immensely. Not that it means anything, anymore at least.

“I’m sorry about what Jungkook did. He never goes after girls with boyfriends, or even flirt with anyone else if he is in a relationship. What he did to you was sucky, I’m sorry.”

“Jae, you didn’t do anything wrong. If anyone should take the blame, it should be Jungkook. You did nothing. Thanks for the apology, but isn’t gonna change the fact that he forcefully kissed me.” Your eyebrows twitch as Jaehyun looks at his feet, confused as to why you said that.

“No, Jungkook would never.”

“Ah, but he did.” You turn around to see your younger boyfriend, Jimin walking over to you and Jaehyun.

“Who’s this? A new friend?” Jae stretches his hand out for a handshake.

“Actually, I’m her boyfriend, Jimin.” He scans the man up and down for a moment before turning his attention back to you.

“I think I’ll get going now. We’re having another rave over break, if you wanted to stop by again.” You cringe as Jimin’s grip around your shoulder tightens, and he looks almost murderous in his attempts to show you that he is less than enthusiastic about finding out his only girlfriend snuck out to a Houseparty for her own selfish reasons, he doesn’t know that you scouted the lady who is sponsoring their café on her website.

“Thanks but no thanks, it was more of a one-time thing, okay? Bye Jae.” You quickly scurry into your home, Jimin following closely behind, watching you with those pretty crescent shaped eyes.

“You actually went to a House party without telling us?” You shrug.

“Didn’t seem like much of a big deal. I didn’t think it was important.” Jimin leans back on the couch, lazily stretching an arm past your shoulder, making you shudder with your sudden skin-to-skin contact. His fingertips are cool on your bare shoulder, since it was hot in the house and you removed your sweatshirt to reveal your tank top underneath.

“It’s not, but we would’ve liked to know. In case something happened to our girlfriend.” Your heart flutters at the word. You’re actually somebody’s girlfriend. And your heart belongs to not one, but two extremely beautiful men.

“Nothing would’ve happened regardless; Jae wouldn’t have let anything happen to me. I’ve known for pretty much all of my life, he’s like a brother to me.” Jimin raises an eyebrow at you, the arch making his forehead wrinkle.

“Would a brother look at you like that?” Your mouth falls open as Jimin tilts your chin up so you can look at him directly in the eyes.

“Like what?” You have a slight feeling that Jimin isn’t even angry at Jaehyun, but the fact that he has an opportunity to play the jealous boyfriend has him excited. You quickly get to your feet as Jimin leads you to your bedroom, pushing the covers aside and getting some towels so you don’t get your sheets messy.

“You know what I’m talking about. The way he looked at you...oh it made me wanna rip his eyes right out of their sockets!” He grabs the box of assorted sex toys and you shake your head as he pins you down to the bed, capturing your lips in a heated kiss before pulling off your thin layers of clothing. You’re soaked to the bone, wanton moans leaving your mouth as Jimin dances in front of you, teasing you as he ties your hands behind your back and he leaves you on the bed with your legs spread out for him as he jiggles his gorgeous peach ass in front of you, his dick bouncing violently as he looks back at you with a cheeky grin.

You never knew you could be attracted to butts, at least not until Jimin showed you his. His peachy bottom has been on your mind from the moment you met him, in fact. Not that you would ever admit it out loud, he’s just an extremely attractive male. Everything about him is attractive. And his dick, oh my gosh, his dick is absolutely perfect. You would give anything, everything you have, just to look at it.

After teasing you with his ass, he turns around, kissing the corner of your mouth before flashing his dick to you, flexing it and making it bounce up and down a couple times. You can only just stare at the perfectly flushed cock, erect and standing straight up as you drool a little bit, Jimin only leaning forward and wiping the saliva from your lips before bringing his hand down to pump his shaft a couple of times.

Your lungs give out, as you wheeze for air, your walls clenching around nothing as Jimin so lewdly pleasures himself on your swivel chair, thrusting his hips into the air, his dick going through the makeshift hole he made with his fingers.

“Please, Jimin, use me.” With your words of confirmation, he lunges forward.

His kisses are electrifying as he sends shivers down your spine from kissing the peaks of your breasts. You let out small mewls of pleasure as he cups your boobs and suckles them. The little pop you hear from his mouth letting go of your nipple is enough to make you shake. But you’ve yet to cum.

“You’re cute, sweetheart. Thinking I’m just gonna give you what you want on a golden platter. You’ve been a bad girl, and bad girls deserve to be punished.” You gasp as he presses his tongue flat against your clit, with no warning whatsoever, pushing your legs further apart as you bend your knees. You can see him clearly as he eats you out, his hair disheveled yet making him look so good while he continues sucking your wet pearl.

You know what you did, and you don’t regret it. You’ve always wanted to have jealous angry sex with a boyfriend in the future, but Jimin is already checking off a lot of things from your bucket list just from being buried between your legs. You grab his tousled hair, a moaning mess under him as he eats you out like a starved man, eyes flicking up to meet your gaze every once in a while. You absolutely lose it, after he maintains eye contact with you, driving your orgasm out into the edge. It feels so good, you feel like you’ve lost all your senses.

Jimin watches with awe as you leak onto the towels you laid out earlier, shivering from the sudden rush of cold air as he leaves your clit alone for a moment. You’re so needy for him, that you let out a whine. It’s a bratty, childish whine. The type of whine you’d use when you wanted your favorite toy but your mother wouldn’t give it to you. The same type of whine you’d hear from Jungkook every time you or Jasmine had to leave early from his house, back when you all were still on speaking terms, of course.

“Up against the headboard, kitten. I wanna see your face when I make you cum with my cock. Legs open, look up at me,” You didn’t realize how intimidating your boyfriend could be. Now, you’re basically splayed on the bed, legs wide open for him. The thought of losing your virginity both thrills and terrifies you. What are you going to do if he just leaves you alone afterwards? No way, there’s no way your precious Jimin would do that. “I need consent. Are you okay with this?” You nod, as your boyfriend tilts your chin upwards so that you’re looking at him.

You can see the small bruise on his lip, faded to a reddish-tan color, a small blemish on his perfect face as he looks down at you with that same stare. The cut on his cheek is completely healed now, only a tiny scar remaining. You assume that will heal with time, as well.

After shaking the scary and much darker thoughts from your mind, you concentrate on Jimin. Or more specifically, what he’s doing. Consent is sexy. You learned that after the incident with Jungkook. He never asked if he could kiss you, there were no questions or answers. With your boyfriend, things are so much more different. Calmer, healthier even. You breathe a couple times, your heart rate steadying as Jimin has you pinned down, your legs hanging off his shoulders. He’s fully naked, his dick wrapped in a condom. You bite your lips, weighing your options.

You love Jimin with your whole heart, but what if you get hurt? What if he ends up ditching you after taking your innocence? You know he wouldn’t do that realistically, but these hypothetical thoughts plague your mind as Jimin awaits your response. “You can say no if you feel uncomfortable. I mean, I might have to take a cold shower afterwards but the decision is up to you. Are you sure you want to do this tonight, Y/N?”

His tone is so caring, and his voice is soft enough to match it. He doesn’t want to hurt you, you know he won’t. Is he the right guy? You know you can say no, but that just makes you want to say yes even more and let him ruin you, at least for tonight. You’ve heard about the first time being painful, but your older and much more experienced boyfriend will guide you through it, and you just have a feeling that you’re going to be okay. After a minute of silence, you answer him, finally.

“No,” Jimin immediately recoils, quickly peeling the sheets back so he can clean you up. After all, you reek of sweat and cum. “I’m not sure, I am 100% certain that I want you to fuck me tonight.” Jimin turns back, his mouth dry and half open as you smirk, your gaze lustful and enticing to him as he licks his lips.

“Have some water.” He hydrates you first, before taking a sip himself. Afterwards, you’re both ready to dive back into action. You can feel his hard-on, as he rolls his hips against yours. The first few times he does it, you’re surprised at how good it feels. The sensation is far from painful. Five minutes in, and you’re humping each other like animals in heat.

After five minutes, however, you both lose interest, bodies glued to each other as you kiss passionately, and then you look down, surprised to see that Jimin has poured an oil-like substance between your legs. He rubs it between your inner thighs before he brings his hand up and cups your clit.

“Just put it in already, please,” You beg him, almost sobbing as he pushes a finger in as a test. “Oh fuck!” You scream, biting your tongue painfully as he fucks you with two fingers, adding one by the minute. Your walls grip him tightly, and he stays silent, watching you as you struggle to suck in his digits.

You’re doing surprisingly well, considering he had already played with you before. You’d ever really gone as far as oral and fingering, but now penetration with the penis in vagina action is a completely different beast.

You know this as well, since prepping is all you’ve been doing for three days straight. Well, you did have to take care of yourself yesterday, but that was only because of unforeseen circumstances. And plus, your own fingers didn’t make you orgasm as hard or as good as you’re able to with your boyfriends.

“I’m putting it in. Expect a little pain.” You close your eyes, sucking in a deep breath as your boyfriend replaces his fingers with his penis, actually filling you better than that dildo ever could. You feel little discomfort, but it subsides, and you quickly find yourself enjoying how well your partner fits inside of you, your mouth falling open with small moans as Jimin’s grunts echo you. As he speeds up slightly, you feel a bit more pain, suddenly yelping like a hurt animal.

“What’s wrong? Oh my god, please don’t be hurt.” You shake your head, kissing his shoulder as he leans over and gives you a kiss, his fingers seeking out your clit so he can stimulate you as well. You feel good, but in all honesty, you know you can’t just cum like this. You’ve read it in books. Women normally don’t orgasm when having intercourse. It’s something that happens with foreplay, or when someone rubs your clit. Jimin rubbing your clit right now is an example of that.

“Jimin...feels so good.” You buck your hips with his, skin against skin as he fills up his condom to the brim.

“That felt fucking amazing. You were amazing, baby. Wow, even my first time wasn’t that good.” It takes you a moment to realize you didn’t cum with him. You’ve always dreamt of your first time being magical, but are you feeling this way because Yoongi wasn’t here? Shit, you almost forgot about your other boyfriend.

“Oh shit, I almost forgot about Yoongi!” You worriedly look at the time on your phone as your other boyfriend puts his hands behind his head and slowly closes his eyes.

“It’s fine, he knows. I texted him when things started getting heated, and he said it was okay. It’s natural for two people in a relationship to fuck, you know?” You feel your cheeks getting heated again. Hearing Jimin curse made your wetness pool and before you knew it, there was a wet spot on your sheets. “Aw, did I make my girl wet?” Jimin laughs as you playfully hit him and get pulled onto his lap. “You’re perfect.” He hums into the kiss you initiate, squeezing your ass and lightly spanking you as you become increasingly horny.

“J-Jimin…” You bite your lip as a knock on the door interrupts you from Round 2. “Who is it?” You ask, in case your mom decided to return home early. She’s done it before.

“It’s me.” You hear Yoongi’s familiar rasp, especially after work, his throat is always a little dry.

“Here, have some water.” You opt to wear Jimin’s shirt to cover yourself momentarily, as you’re not exactly sure what Yoongi would do after seeing your messy post-sex state. He seems indifferent as you open the door, his eyes scanning you before he lets himself in and sees Jimin playing a game on his phone.

“Well aren’t you the happy one. You’re supposed to be resting, Jimin.” Yoongi scolds him prudently, like a father scolding his son. You watch the interaction with curious, wide eyes, as you sit down on the other side of the bed, a little away from your two boyfriends. Yoongi sits at Jimin’s feet, and you watch as he tenderly kisses the younger male’s fingers. It’s so careful, as if he would break. They’ve been through a lot before you, and you want them to know you’ll always be there. For better or for worse.

“I love you, Yoongz, but I don’t need another parent in my life. Just be glad they didn’t fuck me up too bad for you. Look, I couldn’t even finish off with Y/N. My wounds are completely healed, I’m fine. Besides, I’ve been through worse. Can you just leave? Please?” Yoongi frowns, and sighs. You grab his hand, momentarily squeezing it, before crawling over to where the man is sitting and leaving a short, sweet kiss on his pouting lips.

“Go take a shower and rest in your room. I’ll come check up on you later. Right now, I think you need to spend some time away from Jimin. I don’t know what’s going on, but that’s just the stress talking,” You reassure your older boyfriend as he walks out of the room, looking a bit brighter than before. “Jimin, how could you talk to our Yoonie like that? You made him so sad when all he did was care for you.” Jimin scowls at you, something you didn’t expect to see-well...ever.

“I’m tired,” That signals the end of your conversation. Of course, despite being angry at you in the heat of the moment, he doesn’t fail to take care of you properly. He silently runs to the bathroom and wets a towel so he can wipe you down, and then he pulls the covers off and replaces the sheets. You help him with that, despite your aching muscles.

Last of all, he apologizes. After cooling down, he calls Yoongi back into your room and sits you both down so you can listen.

“I’m so sorry, I love you both but I just can’t control the anger I have for my parents. Those douchebags acted exactly how they did when they found out I wasn’t straight. I’m so happy I have you both and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” You and Yoongi both wrap your arms around him, kissing him and reassuring him that you love him too and that you accept his apology.

“I have a feeling there’s a way to resolve all of this pent up anger. To get rid of it.” You tease them by tugging your shirt, and seeing how Yoongi turns pink, you already know you’ve got him.

“Round 2? Hell yeah, baby.”

#jimin x reader #yoongi x reader #yoongi x jimin x reader #Poly #bts imagine #coffee shop #mature #Smut #18+#angst #yoonmin #yoongi #jimin #yoongi x jimin #yoonmin x reader #coffeeshop #cafeau #throuple

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finished-ink · 4 years

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The Last of Us Part II RANT

I’m normally a “moblie user only” person myself, but Part II took the fattest, nastiest shit on me I’ve ever had the displeasure and feeling through game, that I had to hop on my computer and type this. But before I get in to all the bad, let me start off with the little good in the game.

PROS: The Sound Design, the Animation and Graphics, and the Voice Work

Sound Design: The songs and music in this game were extremely well done. It had me moved to tears to sitting on the edge of my seat anxious about what was going to happen next.

Animation and Graphics: The animation truly seemed like a TON of time, energy, and love went into designing the characters and their surroundings.The graphics were just as awesome and truly made you feel immersed in the world of tlou.

Voice Work: Great work done my all voice actors involved. They, along with the graphics, made the characters really come to life.

OK, now done with the good, time for the fucking bullshit. I am mostly going to focus an the story and the characters. Because holy fuck, I know GOT season 8 was like a milestone in bad storytelling, but the goal wasn’t to do worse than that shitty ass season.

The Shitty Story: I think the first thing that set this story up to be the fuck up that it is, was this lesson of “Violence isn’t the answer”. I think if the lesson was, “Your actions and choices have consequences” would have been a better theme to go along with this story. So, lets begin with Joel’s death.

I was honestly not surprised at all when I got to Abby at the beginning and someone was there to kill Joel. To think he would be able to evade the effects of what he did to the Fireflies would have been a bit ridiculous. I was even semi-fine with the torture of Joel, because I could see how that decision would force the player to really want to get back at Abby. Was it needed? Absolutely not because just killing Joel would of accomplished this. But if the torture of Joel was something Naught Dog really wanted to include then OK fine. We then come to the next extremely shitty part in the story, killing members of WLF and the game making the player feel guilty for it.

Now I know this is kinda a game play issue, but the issue being solved with a simple change in the game play would effect the story. And that is allowing the players to choose what the fuck they want to do. Do you want to just going in and slaughter everybody while their friends scream about their friends dying. That’s completely your choice. Do you want to quietly and tactically knock them out and leave them to live? Let that also be a choice. The could of even done it to where the more people you kill the more ammo and weapons you could collect, but it’ll be harder to travel because WLF will be sending out more brutes and harder enemies in an attempt to stop you. On the flip side, the more people you knock out, the less ammo and weapons you have, but the less WLFs there are to try and hunt you down because you’re not a bigger threat than the Scars. Then they could use dialogue said by the npcs to give the player an idea of how much of a threat they are to WLF. In a game where its trying to teach this lesson of “Violence isn’t the answer”, it sure forces you to resort to violence at every opportunity. You can even keep the intended message because in the game, violence isn’t always truly the answer. Bouncing off of this is my next change to the story, having the players make the choice about whether or not they want to kill Nora, Mel, and Owen.

Let’s get one thing straight, Ellie beating the shit out of Nora was not needed. An alternative to getting the info about where Abby was staying at could of been done through a series of little puzzle quests to give Ellie clues on where Abby was. This would be longer, but would not of had the same effect on Ellie’s mental state as beating the fuck out of Nora did. However, they could of kept the original scene as it played out. You get the info fast and you don’t lose out on anything major. Maybe some ammo and some pills but not enough to where it feels like you’ve lost out. But the choice now falls on the players to decide what they should do. The same applies with Mel and Owen. When you arrive at the aquarium, the player can decide to shot Owen to get Mel to talk, kill Mel to get Owen to talk, or grab Mel to threaten Owen to talk. The two kill options would be semi-bad because what played out originally with Abby would happen. But if the player decided to threaten Mel, Owen would talk, Ellie would release Mel but still holding them at gun point, and leave. However this would happen after another choice I think should of been implemented in the game. The choice to travel with Jesse to go and find Tommy.

When this happened even I wanted Ellie to just go with Jesse. It seemed like a great point to give the players a chance to decide what they wanted Ellie to do. Here’s how I would of wanted it to go: The player can either make Ellie continue to the aquarium, and the story would follow along as normal, or the player makes Ellie go with Jesse to find Tommy and leave. They leave and find Tommy after his encounter with Abby. You could even make another choice here where Tommy wants to try and go back to hunt down Abby, or go back to Dina with Jesse after he argues that they need to leave. If you go back with Jesse, Tommy follows with you, upset she gets to live, but moves on. From this they return to the theater, grab Dina and travel back to Jackson. This can then branch off to the future we see with Ellie and Dina, but there’s a scene where they travel to Jackson with J.J to see Jesse and his family. While there, Tommy approaches Ellie and says that he found Abby, and the player can decide what to do here as well. Go after Abby or stay. If the player goes after Abby, Ellie does find her and kills her, but it leaves Ellie feeling a bit conflicted because she doesn’t feel the fulfillment she thought she would feel. Cut to her traveling back to Jackson, visiting Joel’s grave and cue heart wrenching scene of her playing the guitar at his grave.

Now circling back, if the player decided to travel with Tommy to hunt Abby down in Seattle, Jesse reluctantly agrees, but tells them if they don’t find her by tomorrow afternoon, they all leave. This would then lead to the player finding Abby and Lev (because in my head Lev does run off but the boat he takes in the aquarium isn’t there and heard talk about the other boats the WLF’s use and takes off there, but Abby catches him in time to stop him from traveling to the island. This would happen after her encounter with Tommy) and Abby would tell Lev to run back to the aquarium with Yara. So its Ellie, Jesse, and Tommy holding Abby at gun point. Knowing a 3v1 isn’t winnable, she lays down her weapons and thus, another decision is allowed for the player. Kill Abby or let her live. Killing Abby has an effect on Ellie’s mental state and that can effect the game at the end. Not too bad that it ruins the ending, but bad enough that maybe there’s a cut scene of her having nightmares about killing her. If the player decides to not kill her, Ellie lets her go, she runs off, Tommy and her argue and Jesse tells them to drop it and get back to the theater. They do and cue to the ending I talked about earlier with everyone going back to Jackson. Now this leads me to my leads final story issue I would change about the game, Abby’s portion would be significantly cut down.

While the player would still play as Abby, the only flash back that would be included is the one about her and her father. Narratively, I don’t hate it. It allows for the player to understand why Abby wanted to kill Joel and drive home the new theme of “Your choices and actions have consequences”. However playing as Abby for, what, 12 hours of the game wasn’t needed. If the excuse was to pad for time, everything I said above would not have only extended the time, but would of allowed for players to want to replay the game. The player would still play as Abby with Lev and Yara so it can set up the players for how all the characters got to where they are by the time the player is given the choice to Kill or Let Abby Go. I’m on the fence about if the player would still be Abby and the theater scene would play as normal if you kill Mel or Owen. Kinda up in the air but what can you do. Anyways, while this would humanize the character to extent, it wouldn’t try to wash down her deeds like Naught Dogs tried to do. In my creation of this story, what happened in Santa Barbara would not take place at all.

All in all, there was some much they could of done with this story that could of made it worth playing. I have no more words for this grotesque torture p*rn game Neil and Naught Dogs decided to create. I wish I could fucking wipe my brain and get back to two days I wasted on this game. Fuck them and I hope Naughty Dogs fucking falls apart. I will finish my little essay with asking y’all to please not harass or go after the voice actors and the people who tried to make this game. Go after Neil , because ultimately this falls on him.

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teamhawkeye · 3 years

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unfiltered and massively spoiler filled thoughts on RE8 below the cut [MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD]:

The Good

The first half of the game

The initial village segment and the castle portion and even “the house in the mist” sections were all pretty taut and well put together. i loved exploring the castle - was more than a little disappointed that you get locked out after Alcina’s boss fight, i didn’t explore it fully D: - and the unexpected terror of Donna’s section really pulled me out of the sense of comfort i had started to fall into, right as i was saying to myself “this hasn’t been scary at all”

The return of some series high notes

Revisiting things in previous Resident Evil games is not always a bad thing. I really enjoyed the return of weapon customization and treasures, those were aspects i enjoyed in RE4 and RE5. The return of the Merchant, in the form of the Duke, was welcome as well. The Duke is a G - he’s a good guy and i respected him most

Graphics, scenery, etc.

It’s a pretty game to look at, there’s no getting around that. I liked the set pieces, especially the Castle portion

Ammo crafting

Now this was something i greatly enjoyed. There are often times you get too much ammo for the gun you use least or you run out of ammo in harder difficulty levels. Being able to collect scrap material and make your own ammo was a very nice addition that i greatly appreciated

The Bad

(some of these are going to be personal opinions about the storytelling and narrative choices, so be prepared for that)

Pacing and direction

RE7 was a return to the series’ “roots”: so back to the footnotes of RE1 and RE2. If that was the case with 7, then RE8 did a speed run of RE3, Code Veronica, RE4, RE5, and RE6 all at once.

I know i said earlier revisiting hallmarks from previous games isn’t a bad thing, and it’s not - but while RE7 did it masterfully with sticking to mainly RE1 and RE2 and pulling in just a few old hallmarks, RE8 went absolutely buck wild in trying to cram in as many past enemy types and encounters as possible. A callback to one standout enemy is one thing, ala the Stalker type that is Mr. X, Nemesis, and Ustanak that Lady Dimitrescu also serves as...but then also the giant water monster from RE4, the Executioner of RE5, the “chainsaw” enemies (here, drills instead) of RE4, RE5, and RE6. hell, even the Lycans after a time started to feel very Las Plagas-esque in their ability to use weapons and track and coordinate. And you can’t tell me you didn’t see very similar designs/similarities between Miranda’s boss battle that you did with Alexia’s in Code Veronica...

The pacing started off solid with the initial few segments, but quickly seemed to lose its footing once it oscillated violently between wildly different styles of play and storytelling and didn’t regain its stride the rest of the game. One moment, it’s classic RE. The next, it’s P.T. + Outlast. The next, back to “a mash up of action and horror, leaning more on action” styles of RE4 + RE5. Then the finale straight up started to feel like an entirely different game before you reached that final boss fight - it felt like i was jerked in one direction one minute, and a completely different one the next

There is a lot of exposition and explaining that doesn’t happen until legit the last 45 or so minutes. Not new for the series to withhold information until the back half of the game, but there was legit almost no build up to the very sudden plot bombs that got dropped successively in the last throes of the story. Previous games rewarded you with fragments at a fairly even pace - i felt like all of RE8′s story gets dropped on you in a single monologue and a handful of notes just before the endgame

I’m not even gonna go that deep into how hard it was to keep up with all the different infection methods the mold managed to have - it was just A Lot and i’ve played a lot of Resident Evil in the past, so i know just how many different ways a single pathogen can have on humans and animals...and it still felt excessive

I honestly felt like the third segment with Moreau wasn’t even necessary. they really played up these “four lords” to not have them do a whole lot of anything. and i know there’s always been mini bosses before you actually reach the final Big Bad, but seriously, Moreau’s segment can be blitzed through in a span of 20 minutes or so first playthrough. the castle segment with Dimitrescu was solid, the house segment with Donna was nightmare fuel, lmfao, but still engaging and challenging. by the time you get to the third and sprint right through, you’re left wondering what the point of it even was. you can tell that was the least cared about narrative arc in the whole story

A giant point of note is that a huge chunk of RE8′s story could have been avoided or altered had Chris just actually fucking spoken to Ethan at the start about what the fuck was going on. And for him not to is completely unlike Chris past RE5 and RE6, that made no narrative sense whatsoever. Just another opportunity to pile on some more trauma and guilt onto Chris’ shoulders by making him “responsible” for Ethan being pushed to far and dying as a result

“Ethan actually ‘died’ when first meeting Jack Baker and was completely taken over by mold, it’s a big secret to everyone but Mia. also, he’s gone too far, there’s no saving him, he had to die”

You’re going to tell me that Ethan still being infected or impacted by the mold from RE7 is some big secret??? did the BSAA not run tests on him and Mia to make sure they were back to normal levels??? how do they not know?!? the government was able to figure out that Sherry’s exposure to the G Virus altered her permanently and study her healing capabilities, how the fuck was that not the same with Ethan???

Also, how is it that the mold’s impact on him is so much higher? he was at the Baker estate for like, 2 days max and while, yes, he did sustain some serious damage, he never fell prey to Eveline’s control and showed absolutely no signs of infection outside of being able to heal/use his hand after it was chopped off. and depending on how you played RE7, the only major injury he sustains aside from probable bruising or broken bones is that hand being cut off as mentioned before

You’re also going to tell me of the number of Resident Evil characters who have been infected with viruses and parasites and what have you and have been cured or had the negative effects negated, Ethan was the only one “too far gone” to be saved??? Jill got infected with T Virus, Claire has been infected by two separate viruses, Leon has survived a parasite infection, both Zoe and Mia were exposed to mold for years and seem to be okay...why is it that Ethan was the only one who couldn’t be saved? because he “died”? how in the world did he get infected so fast - he’d been there an hour, max! - that he was able to be revived in the first place and it wasn’t even noticeable that he had changed at all???

“the BSAA can’t be trusted anymore, they’re involved in shady shit, like deploying bioweapons into battle”

we already went through this a bit back in Revelations 1 with the blackmailed director and double agents. but to full on go “well, the entire organization is now dirty” after it was legit founded by Chris, Jill, and Barry to combat bioterrorism really sits wrong with me. all i can think is that they are running out of villains at this point and now are poising the BSAA to be a Big Bad in the future. which, again, doesn’t sit right with me

Retconning

Tying Ozwell E. Spencer back to Miranda wasn’t such a huge dealbreaker for me, but it is a bit obnoxious to now have to go back and amend “he came up with the idea for Umbrella and its pursuits with Marcus and Ashford, its other founding members” to “well, he didn’t actually come up with the idea for Umbrella and its research with Marcus and Ashford, he already had the idea from his time spent with Miranda uwu”

More so, the retconning around Eveline is a bit of a pain in the ass. So she only came about as a result of Miranda crossing paths with the Connections and giving them some of her mold to work with? And Eveline was only a failed experiment to Miranda in her attempt to be able to transfer her daughter’s essence/subconscious/whatever into a living child? And there are pictures of ‘10 year old” Eveline in Miranda’s possession - how come Evie didn’t have any memory of her at all (speaking of Evie, why the fuck did she appear in 8 briefly as a hallucination [?] to explain to Ethan his condition???)

How are you going to try and tell me that some village from prior to the 19th century was using the “Umbrella” symbol and Spencer just snatched it for himself? that was just stupid, honestly - even more stupid how Ethan didn’t recognize the symbol, despite flying off in a Blue UMBRELLA helicopter at the end of RE7

Mocap and cutscenes

Was it just me or did parts of this game look severely unpolished compared to RE7??? some parts looked good - like the Dimitresus all seemed to be rendered very well. It became very noticeable to me in the back half of the game, mainly with Chris and Mia, but a little with Heisenberg too, where their mouths didn’t match up with the dialogue a lot and they looked a lot less put together than previous scenes and characters. Mia in particular, i was struck by how much better her mocap seemed in RE7 compared to RE8. Maybe because there was a bigger ensemble cast in 8 that they spread themselves a little too thin in that regard?

#i don't know how i feel throwing this in the main tags so i'm only putting my warning on the top of the post and not in the tags

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httpstargirl · 4 years

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summer productivity °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° ||

to start anew~

this summer i plan to actually sit down and get my shit together! last summer I did not complete any of the things I wanted to and ended up just sitting in my house playing games and then it repeated like that everyday for the rest of summer. i was pretty disappointed in myself for it because i really want to accomplish my goals, especially before school started back up. so maybe keeping these posts here will help me!

i want to try and wake up at either 7 or 8 am everyday! I already started this so I’m used to waking up that time, I usually wake up on my own at like, 7:30 or 8:30. but this time I wanted to wake up on time!

daily checklist

❀ drink one cup of water when i wake up and have a good solid breakfast!

❀ drink two-three bottles of water a day!

❀ read 1-2 chapters of my self help book in the morning + notes, then 1-2 chapters of any book of choice before I go to sleep (this will force me to read my books more, i have like 10 unread books so I want to try and get those out of the way!)

❀ write in my bullet journal (this summer I want to get back into my bullet journal as I had fell off of it in february which had upset me bc i had so much to write down about, but never got around to doing so bc of school :(( )

❀ do 10-15 minutes of duolingo (french or spanish! maybe one every other week)

❀ (extra) look for a job as i want to start saving up for school and to go to college with my boyfriend!

short-term goals list (aka other habits i plan to work on!)

❀ backup phone + macbook once a month

❀ go through gallery/apps/notes monthly (like let’s say at the end of june, i’ll go through all the stuff on my phone that happened in june, this will help going through my gallery way easier and quicker for me!)

❀ organize desktop and folders on my macbook and pc

❀ wash my water bottle every sunday

❀ clean/wipe down my desk and electronics weekly (most likely sunday as well)

❀ wash my bed sheets once a month or shorter than that (also clean under it at this time too!)

long-term goals list

❀ i want to practice more of my graphic designing along with motions graphics and animations!

❀ i also want to get back into editing as it was one of my favorite hobbies! the satisfaction i felt when i pressed render and export after hours of working on an edit straight. it was such a fun hobby because it let me explore my creativity! so i hope to get back into it and even join back into the editing community that i used to be part of :)

❀ bullet journaling! i want somewhere to write down all my thoughts and to-do lists but i fell out of this habit very quickly so :(

the end

well, that’s all for now! i might come back to check in again and maybe add some more to lists or so but overall, that’s the end! let’s hope for the change to begin! ♡︎ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

#summer #goals #happiness #productivity #apricotsummer #motivation #bulletjournal #organization

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ashleyjouharphotowords · 4 years

Photo

In a revealing interview for the Image Source Picture Library, I talked to Miles Aldridge about his early influences, 90’s fashion photography and how at the moment of news-stand success he headed off in a radically different creative direction.

Miles Aldridge shoots sexy, glamorous women in opulent settings. But all is not what it seems in his pictures. Scratch the surface and a common thread runs through the imagery – the strange ominous unease of the dreamworld. Film-maker David Lynch wrote, “Miles sees a colour coordinated, graphically pure, hard-edged reality”. Artist Glenn O’Brien says Aldridge, “uses impeccable instinct in crafting something like ‘stills’ from the fractured narratives that we normally experience nocturnally and unconsciously.”

Aldridge talked to me about his influences and traced the rich visual journey he took from being a graphic design and illustration student, through music promos, to being a photographer who has shaped and stretched the idea of the fashion photograph.

Ashley Jouhar: What was your background to taking the kinds of photographs you take now and what was it that kick started your career in photography?

Miles Aldridge: Well, my father [Alan Aldridge] was a famous illustrator and art director so I grew up around quite surreal, psychedelic and sometimes shocking imagery – and it seemed clear to me I would go into the arts and follow my father. So I went to art school to study illustration, which was incredibly liberating – because I had been at Grammar School and none of my fellow students were interested in art. Being at Central St Martin’s around 1983 – surrounded by a lot of like-minded and talented people – the teachers, the studies and the classes were very good and I immersed myself in everything for the first year and then specialised in Graphic Design with an illustration bias.

Ashley Jouhar: So at that point you were exposing yourself to all the disciplines – life drawing, filmmaking, illustration, graphic design – the whole lot?

Miles Aldridge: I was also getting exposed to cinema, taking girlfriends on dates to see art movies, not blockbusters. I was seeing David Lynch films and it broadened my horizons immensely.

I did become an illustrator when I graduated from art school but I found it quite boring and I wasn’t anything like my father who was a sort of psychedelic whizz kid right in the middle of swinging London, working with everyone from David Bailey to The Stones and The Beatles. So he was really tapping into the zeitgeist. But I didn’t find the work very challenging and I was still very young so I started making enquiries about pop videos. It seemed to me that the film directors I liked were artists, packaging their thoughts and point of view of the world into hour and a half statements.

Ashley Jouhar: A little like you are now doing with your current imagery, except in a photograph?

Miles Aldridge: Yeah, but at that time I had no film training, apart from a couple of days at art so it was all quite new to me. But I bought a Super 8 camera and started shooting films. Then I bumped into Derek Jarman in Soho, who was often drinking tea in the same café I used to hang out in called Maison Bertaux. He was interested in me because I was a good-looking young man and I was interested in him because he was a famous film maker and so we had a few conversations. He was very enthusiastic and encouraging and through this naïve enthusiasm I started to make films. Another person who came into my life then was Sophie Muller, a well known video director who pretty well invented the form, shooting videos for The Eurythmics and many others.

Ashley Jouhar: MTV was exploding at this time so it was perfect timing for you, in the right place at the right time?

Miles Aldridge: Yeah, yeah, exactly and actually because of people like Derek Jarman and other like-minded artists were doing Super 8 presentations to music because of its relatively low cost it was very much the film medium for the 80s. You don’t need masses of finance to make a film on Super 8 – the idea is translated quickly to images. So I started making pop videos for a while.

Ashley Jouhar: Were you coming up with the concepts for these videos – were they very much ideas-driven shoots?

Miles Aldridge: Yes, very much so and I was good at coming up with the ideas but I wasn’t very good with the music! I would come up with an idea that might be loosely based on something from the universe of Hitchcock, Lynch or Godard and I was aware of cinematic tricks and conceits and would play with those. Like for instance, The Shining – I would do a pop video based on a long corridor with different weird things happening in different rooms but I didn’t really know how to put it all together with the edit. During this time I suppose I would have been known as a middling pop video director and therefore lived in a council flat, didn’t have any overheads as such so was very happy doing the odd pop video and hanging out with my girlfriend, who it transpired wanted to be a model. That’s when I took these photographs of her because she looked very much like the kind of girl of the moment – that sort of grungy, heroin chic sort of look of the time.

Ashley Jouhar: I remember it well – the bed-sits and anti-fashion poses.

Miles Aldridge: Yes, and the pictures of her were very well received at Vogue and they asked who had taken them and it was explained that it was this girl’s boyfriend. I was then called in to Vogue to meet them and I had this amazing realisation that instead of all this hard work involved in making videos – starting at five in the morning and ending at five in the morning, horrible food and no money to do anything, I could possibly become a fashion photographer.

Ashley Jouhar: So those original pictures, did you imbue them with something that we would recognise now in your work?

Miles Aldridge: No, I shot them all in black and white on Hampstead Heath on a Nikon and the film was dropped into Snappy Snaps… and picked up two hours later and pasted into her portfolio! They were really, to all intents and purposes, a boyfriend photographing his girlfriend. I mean she wasn’t styled and there was no hair and make up and she wasn’t trying to sell any fashion. Because that was what was happening with London photography then, when fashion photography almost slipped into Reportage.

Ashley Jouhar: Yes, it was very pared down compared to what had gone before.

Miles Aldridge: Yes, very much so and the heroes of that period were people like Robert Frank and Bruce Davidson and also Richard Avedon’s book ‘In the American West’ was kind of like a bible for that kind of styling.

There was this idea of real people rather than glamorous people being pushed to the forefront and being shown as something heroic and wonderful. So I moved from illustration to video to photography in the space of about six years, I think. I really enjoyed the photography and the early work was really about being locked in studios with very beautiful creatures and trying to think how to photograph them. I didn’t come with any technical knowledge – all I had was an eye that still serves me very well today and those pictures were almost a repetition of the boyfriend/girlfriend pictures earlier where in my imagination, these models who were now wearing fashion clothes and hair and make up were, for that six or seven hours in my studio, my girlfriend. Interestingly, when the hair and make-up and styling was being done and I wasn’t paying any attention at all, I left that up to them. In a way, I liked to rendezvous with the model on the white background and see her there for the first time with my camera.

Ashley Jouhar: So at this point your shoots were very spontaneous with what was happening, there were no storyboards planned out or themes?

Miles Aldridge: Yes, it was very spontaneous, it was about having a good time, listening to loud music and being swept up in the energy of a pre-9/11 fashion shoot and I mention 9/11 because after that, the whole world and especially fashion became much more gloomy and serious. Up until that point it was a big party. There was so much energy and money sloshing around and I enjoyed the decadence of it.

Ashley Jouhar: When did you start shooting in a more ‘David Lynch-ian’ way with these very considered, choreographed images and sets?

Miles Aldridge: Well, literally all I was shooting was white background pictures for magazines like W and British Vogue. Those pictures were about energy and shapes and in a way my talent was in trying to find graphic shapes on the flat two-dimensional page. I was successful with that kind of work straight away and sort of fell into it but at a certain point I looked at all this work and I remember I was at a magazine store in New York and saw a cover for W magazine, a cover for British Vogue and a cover for a magazine called Vibe – three white background covers, all by me. One could feel really good about oneself with that but for some reason, seeing them all there together I kind of loathed it and wondered where I’d got lost. Because back when I was an art student and even doing pop videos I was much more interested in darker and stranger things and the books I grew up with were books on Hieronymus Bosch and Breugel. The complete opposite of what I was producing, which I thought was trash. I felt really uncomfortable about that, even though my pockets were full of dollars.

Ashley Jouhar: So this was the turning point?

Miles Aldridge: I realised that when you get into a photo studio as a photographer, even if you said nothing and were dumb, the picture would still get taken because there is the momentum the stylist, the hair and make up artist and the model bring to the shoot that creates the energy for these pictures to occur. Instead of giving myself up to the madness and the freedom of the shoot, I wanted to put the brakes on it – to divert that energy and create a picture you really want to do in advance.

In part 2 Miles tells us how he creates the ‘fantastic’ images that have become his signature pieces…

#fashion photography #miles aldridge #vogue italia #british vogue #art photography #art #ashleyjouhar #pop art #david lynch

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pride-community-blog · 5 years

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There are girls

There are girls who think they will just stay in front of the camera and make money. But all the things they do there will affect their minds. The next step is prostitution. I see that now.The webcam industry also does its best to entice young women into the business.But what about cam girls that don’t use studios? I decided to interview a cam girl name Ona Artist who is essentially a camming celebrity—she has 1.3 million followers on Instagram—to find out what that life is like. Turns out, it’s even more work.She's got camming down to a science. "It's all about saying to people they are sweet," she smiles. All a man needs is attention, when he wants it, and he'll be Anna's until the tokens run dry. Regulars will sit in her room for hours, pouring money away — these are the lonely ones, Anna says. "They want to hear that they're loved... that they're sweet... that they're kind... that's how you keep them coming back. It might sound mercenary, but these guys are getting exactly what they're paying for. Only a man in the deepest bog of delusion truly believes the cam love is real — if you're spending hundreds of dollars for a companion on your computer monitor, you have to be willing to suspend disbelief. Plenty are willing — particularly Americans, who for whatever reasons (Anna chalks it up to a sort of cultural shamelessness), are more "generous" than Europeans, and more likely to buy into the act — and pay for the privilege of watching something interactive.

I have considered opening up my profile again a few times since, and very well might once I get over the ‘what will people think?’ paranoia, and memorise the retort I have planned regarding the government youth unemployment in Australia: With youth unemployment currently sitting around 13%, creating your own job using the resources you already have (in this case, internet connection, webcam, studio lighting and cute knickers) becomes a much more viable option than waiting for callbacks from the 20 resumes you sent out last week. That said, the idea of my future prospects of employability could be damaged if this was discovered, and I do wonder about the percentage of money the site makes versus the percentages the models make.The first time I went private with a guy I freaked the fuck out. All he wrote was get naked. And so far all Id done in a chat room was flash my boobs for an influx of tokens. I froze up in stage fright and closed the room. In my group chat I wrote: Sorry, cam froze. And I logged off for the night.It also gives Domino a chance to indulge in her geeky professionalism: "I like being able to network with people who aren't my strip club customers, [and] it's a way for me to see how good I am at SEO and social media. This is fun for her. Domino says she's "always been a very sexual person," so while camming is tiring, of course, on-camera kink isn't onerous, if you can put the monotony aside.That wasn't always the case. Before she started stripping — both online and off — Domino was a suit: working at a Fortune 500 company as a graphic designer. She quit the firm out of boredom in 2010, and now mainly flexes her aesthetic skills to push her online sex shows. Unlike most cam girls, Domino isn't affiliated with a network like LiveJasmin. She's completely independent, streaming strip and fetish sex shows from her home studio, straight from a website she built herself. Stripping at a local joint came first, but after breaking her wrist, Domino segued away from brick and mortar clubs. She'd heard there was good money to be made doing pretty much the same stuff online — and she could be her own boss.

"It's about selling your brain, not your body," she says. "I see it like a performance, like a show. But this is not a job for everybody - a lot of girls quit after a few weeks or even days, because they have this mindset that they're selling their body. Your mindset is what matters in this job. I have my limits, and I truly do not feel exploited.The whole thing is an amazing facade. You think these girls are camming from their rooms when they have free time, but no; they come to the studio at 8 AM and sit there until 6 PM. They work 40 hour weeks and often pay the studio 50 percent of their income. In exchange, the studio provides them with a built-in audience, a technical infrastructure, a hair and makeup person, a wardrobe—they even have people that train them on what clients tend to like and how to keep people in a quiet room with you.Lana works in Room 8. It is dominated by a circular bed with cushions. There is a wardrobe containing some of her clothes.Another camgirl, Heidi, 23, has bright blue hair and once sat on a kitchen bench and painted herself while more than 40 men – paying customers - tuned in to watch. CONTINUED BELOW...

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oooo12oo-blog · 5 years

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Lana works

Lana works in Room 8. It is dominated by a circular bed with cushions. There is a wardrobe containing some of her clothes.I knew then, that before I could construct a cohesive argument to put toward my friend, that I needed to take another look at the situation from a broader perspective. I knew that if I came at it purely from my own personal experience that I would ultimately fail. Firstly, I needed to find out if the topic had been discussed at length already - I had heard bits and pieces about the industry and its link to feminism but this time I immersed myself. When I typed in feminism and stripping there was more material than I ever would have possibly imagined, and I read article after article after article.A little research at mega-message boards like Stripper Web is fruitful — you'll pick up "Best Way to Recieve Money from Guys" muse in "Are you always beautious on cam?" And, of course, share war stories. One user started a thread spilling the most obnoxious, bigoted lines she'd recently been fed by "customers":"I teach them about fetishes - what a fetish is, why a person has one… We study Freud and a lot of psychology. And we study a book of gestures because women must be sensual, smart and beautiful.

That wasn't always the case. Before she started stripping — both online and off — Domino was a suit: working at a Fortune 500 company as a graphic designer. She quit the firm out of boredom in 2010, and now mainly flexes her aesthetic skills to push her online sex shows. Unlike most cam girls, Domino isn't affiliated with a network like LiveJasmin. She's completely independent, streaming strip and fetish sex shows from her home studio, straight from a website she built herself. Stripping at a local joint came first, but after breaking her wrist, Domino segued away from brick and mortar clubs. She'd heard there was good money to be made doing pretty much the same stuff online — and she could be her own boss.Working an eight-hour day, she earns close to 4,000 euros (£3,600) per month - nearly 10 times the Romanian average wage. As Lana's employer, Studio 20 also makes 4,000 euros per month from her online sessions. And at the top of the video chat money-making pyramid, LiveJasmin - the online cam site that streams Studio 20's content and is responsible for collecting payment from the credit cards of clients - takes double that: 8,000 euros. I met Anna because she flatly offered to talk to me — clothed or unclothed — in exchange for money. She's Romanian, a model from a region with a reputation for sordid conditions and rapacious studio owners. If there were a dark side to the industry, she'd at least be nestled closest to it. But when her camera first flipped on for me, I didn't see the stained walls of a prostitute's den. Instead: a bright, modern apartment inhabited by a bright, modern girl. In her pink underwear. Anna embodies almost every delightful stereotype an American brain can hold over a young girl from Romania. At 24, she's clever — even cunning — sarcastically flirtatious in a way that makes you want to check your back pocket, and possesses stunning slavic beauty.This kind of money and naked fame is the rarest exception for a camgirl. The rest of the many thousands struggle to make any money at all under what appear to be demeaning, even dangerous conditions. After eight years of observation, Mila says, straight up, that camming is a criminal business on an international scale.

How did you get into webcamming?Geography is important too, so the models can talk about where the members are from.On her end, the website looks like this. This is where she sits and waits. (Click to expand)"I usually go for dresses, lingerie, or leather," she says. CONTINUED BELOW...

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karenins-ghost-blog · 5 years

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For my first show

For my first show I applied some makeup, did my hair and put on a deep v-neck leotard. It was the middle of summer and boiling hot even in just that. I sat on my bed, placed my webcam facing toward me and sat doodling in my sketchpad, waiting for patrons.The slim university student from Melbourne claims she earned $400 for her first session – and her 'mind was blown'.What I found out was a self discovery as much as a way of sticking it to my friend. It was something I had always known, deep down, but perhaps had never quite put words to, as I had never felt that it had come into question. And here it is: When I am working, I am portraying a sexual stereotype, but how I am using that stereotype is a point of difference. When I am working, I am consciously becoming that stereotype and so I, in a sense, own it. I am taking it from the man, because yes, he created it, but when I dance, I have the power. I am subverting and I am reclaiming that stereotype for my own personal and financial gain.The young woman proudly boasts a menu when she is online – in the form of a whiteboard which shows her viewers what she will do and how much it will cost them.

I was shocked and cut the conversation short because a) I felt like I didnt need to deal with such negative bullshit and b) I needed to get ready for my next show. But her words lingered in my mind all night. The moment that somebody questions my stance on feminism I get overwhelmingly upset, as it is a cause that I put my heart and soul into. It is in everything that I do and say and it is in how I perceive the world. Feminism has come to be in every essence of my being, and having somebody question my core beliefs was incredibly jarring.The whole thing is an amazing facade. You think these girls are camming from their rooms when they have free time, but no; they come to the studio at 8 AM and sit there until 6 PM. They work 40 hour weeks and often pay the studio 50 percent of their income. In exchange, the studio provides them with a built-in audience, a technical infrastructure, a hair and makeup person, a wardrobe—they even have people that train them on what clients tend to like and how to keep people in a quiet room with you.Exactly! That's where I got my first taste of sex positivity. Going through my relationships and going to university I was like ‘woah, nobody thinks the way I do, I must be weird'. But being a webcam model, I realised everyone is into something different, they just feel like they can't talk about it.Three young women have revealed what it is like working as a 'camgirl', taking their clothes off in front of a camera and performing sex acts for strangers online.

Today, things are different. After saving money and learning enough savvy to avoid continued exploitation, Anna is done with money-sucking studios, and so she works only about five days a month, from her own home. Five days of camming per month allow her to match the Romanian per capita income of roughly $US12,000 per year with a minuscule fraction of the labour. If she wants more money, she works more days.That wasn't always the case. Before she started stripping — both online and off — Domino was a suit: working at a Fortune 500 company as a graphic designer. She quit the firm out of boredom in 2010, and now mainly flexes her aesthetic skills to push her online sex shows. Unlike most cam girls, Domino isn't affiliated with a network like LiveJasmin. She's completely independent, streaming strip and fetish sex shows from her home studio, straight from a website she built herself. Stripping at a local joint came first, but after breaking her wrist, Domino segued away from brick and mortar clubs. She'd heard there was good money to be made doing pretty much the same stuff online — and she could be her own boss.I have considered opening up my profile again a few times since, and very well might once I get over the ‘what will people think?’ paranoia, and memorise the retort I have planned regarding the government youth unemployment in Australia: With youth unemployment currently sitting around 13%, creating your own job using the resources you already have (in this case, internet connection, webcam, studio lighting and cute knickers) becomes a much more viable option than waiting for callbacks from the 20 resumes you sent out last week. That said, the idea of my future prospects of employability could be damaged if this was discovered, and I do wonder about the percentage of money the site makes versus the percentages the models make.I'm definitely one of the cam girls who would hardly ever say no. I've always wanted to try new things, but that's not because I felt like I had to. It's just personally what I want to do. I want to tick stuff off my list, I want to try everything once especially when it comes to sex positivity. Even if it's something I'm not necessarily into, I'd still give it a go. If I didn't like it, I'd be like sorry, I'm not really into that. But there's a lot of people that would say no to a lot of stuff. CONTINUED BELOW...

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captainfawful · 5 years

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With the year coming to a close, that means it’s time for me to do my “Nobody Cares Awards” thing I like to do! Check under the cut for some hot takes I may or may not have!

Hello, hello! It’s me again! Third year in a row I decided to jot my thoughts down on the years various game. I decided to change things up more from last year, kind of eliminating most of the categories in favor of writing more about the games I enjoyed. I tried to write at least something about every game in the Top 10 this time, even if it’s the bare minimum. Let’s see how it goes!

BEST MUSIC

This entire thing was first created because I wanted to write about how good Death Road To Canada’s soundtrack was. So no matter what changes with my format on this, there will always be a Best Music category. I’ll be honest though, there weren’t a whole lot of games this year with amazing soundtracks. The only real contender for most of the year was Celeste, which OST is very good, and fits perfectly with the games tone and style, but it’s not... The Best music. They aren’t songs I’ll put on loop and listen to multiple times throughout the day. They’re not the hard hitting tracks I would typically put at the top of this category, despite how great the music is. That’s how I felt until about August, when The Messenger came out. Messenger is not a game that will be in my Top 10 by any means, but it’s a pretty good game nonetheless with a couple of really weird twists. But the OST is phenomenal. Easily my number 1 favorite of this year. Just about every track in the game is a total banger. But don’t take it from me, take a listen yourself! A little later in the year I played through Just Shapes & Beats. I have a personal stigma against saying a thing with licensed music should qualify for Best Music, which is why JS&B did not make it into my top 3, but rest assured that it is sitting comfortably in the 4th place spot. Almost immediately after I played JS&B, Deltarune suddenly came out. I don’t think I have to tell you why that’s on here, right? Toby Fox cannot make bad music.

SPECIAL MENTIONS

THE MISSING:J.J. Macfield and the Island of Memories

It’s hard for me to talk about what makes The Missing so special without diving deep into spoilers. There’s a reason it’s in the special mentions, and not the Top 10: And that reason is because the gameplay isn’t great. The Missing is a side-scrolling puzzle game, in the same vein as Limbo or Inside. Unlike those two, however, the puzzles you have to solve are not that hard, and most of the difficulty around it revolves around how slowly and janky the movement is. However, the overall story and twist is what makes this game great. There’s not a whole lot for me to say about the themes this game presents, so if you want to play The Missing, play it. If you don’t want to play it, then maybe take a look at some writings from actual queer women who could talk about its subject matter in a way I never possibly could.

The Quiet Man

The Quiet Man is a terrible game. When I first saw the trailer during Suare Enix's E3 presentation, I was super interested. I've always wanted a game that transitions from FMV to gameplay with as few seams as possible, and The Quiet Man promised that. Not only that, it promised a compelling story told from the perspective of its' deaf protagonist. The way I saw it, this game would either accomplish what it set out to do, or fail miserably. Either way, it was a win/win scenario for me! Little did I know just HOW miserably it would fail.... Oooooh, how miserably it failed... The gameplay is absolute trash, the graphics leave much to be desired which makes the "seamless" transitions from FMV look unconvincing and bad, the story is needlessly complicated despite how generic it is, the acting ranges from decent to awful, and it requires you to play it twice in order to actually understand what's happening. And all of those problems are the LEAST offensive parts of the game. It's racist, misogynistic, somehow ableist against more than just deaf people, semi-incestual, and also kind of pro-abuse??? I mean, it doesn't take a stance to be anti-abuse, and certainly doesn't condemn abuse, so does that make it pro? Maybe? Probably? I have a headache. I've watched this entire 2-4 hour game be played 10 or 11 times, and I still don't understand how this exists. Square-Enix published this. They dropped Hitman and IO Interactive not even one year ago, yet threw money at this horrible abomination of a video game! Oh by the way, you might be wondering why I said you have to play it twice to understand, and that's because the first playthrough doesn't give you any sound. Yup, aside from the intro cutscene and the credits song, the entire games' audio is just muffled ambiance. This includes all of it's cutscenes, of which there are MANY, and they are LONG. Entire MINUTES of dialogue happening at a time that the game just doesn't want you to hear or have subtitles for. The only way to get audio is to beat the game once and replay it. Not only that, but the New Game + with sound and subtitles didn't even get patched in until a week after it's release!!! Who does that!!!!! And the version with audio has some ATROCIOUS writing. Just about every scene has at least one line of dialogue that makes no sense, almost as if the writers were only told about how humans speak, but never actually heard one themselves. I’ve heard a lot of people saying it’s The Room of video games, and I sort of agree. Much like The Room, it’s not the absolute worst of it’s form of media, the game is playable start-to-finish, extremely straight forward so you can’t get lost, no bizarre puzzles to figure out, the FMV cutscenes are at decently produced. Hell, I wouldn’t even say The Quiet Man is the worst game to come out THIS YEAR. Crying Is Not Enough released in June, and boy oh boy is that game a trash fire. But it’s just BAFFLING that this game exists. That’s the perfect word to summarize my feelings on The Quiet Man. Every single thing about it is just, baffling. I need to stop writing about this game. This whole paragraph is probably going to be longer than anything from my Top 10, which feature a few games I ADORE, but no. All my writing energy is going to how terrible this fucking video game is. Don't play The Quiet Man. Or do, fuck if I care. Maybe watch someone else play it, I don't know. I don't know anything anymore.

Ori and the Blind Forest

Back on the topic of good games, I finally got around to playing Ori and the Blind Forest! I played it for a little while after it originally came out around 2015, but it just didn’t stick with me at the time. There wasn’t any real reason why it didn’t stick, I just got bored and stopped playing, which isn’t that uncommon for me to do. But for whatever reason I decided to go back to it super late last year. It may have been the excitement for all the cool looking Metroidvanias slated to release throughout the year, I don’t know. But I played through it, and it’s fantastic! Most Metroidvanias tend to go with around a 60-40 split between platforming and combat. Different games have different splits, sure, but most of them tend to keep those somewhat even. Ori is like an 85-15, greatly favoring tight platforming over fighting enemies. Your main attack automatically locks on to nearest enemies, and boss fights are replaced with autoscrolling or stealth segments. The traversal is also super smooth and fun, making that 85-15 split much more favorable than others in its’ genre. Great controls combined with some amazing visuals and music, Ori is definitely a game I regret not playing earlier.

2019′S COMING IN HOT

Spelunky 2, Wargroove, Indivisible, Hypnospace Outlaw, Ooblets, UFO 50, Kingdom Hearts 3, Overland, Sea of Solitude, Ori and the Will of the Wisps, and Get in the Car, Loser!. These are all great looking games that are supposed to be coming out in 2019. I remember last December when I last did this, I couldn't think of THAT many games I was really excited for, and despite that I ended up with a pretty damn good list of games for 2018. So who knows what next year will be like?!

And now... The Top 10!

#10: Spider-Man

It’s been a great year for Spider-Man. His best buddy Venom had a pretty good movie, his new video game is good, and he has a new movie that’s fantastic! Yep, it’s been such a good year for Spider-Man in which nothing bad has happened to him or the people who created him.

#9: Megaman 11

2 > 4 > 3 > 8 > 11 > 7 > 5 > 6 > 9 > 10 > 1. Don’t @ me.

#8: Iconoclasts

Iconoclasts has been in development for a very long time. Officially, development for it began in around 2010, but there is a seemingly earlier game by Konjak that shares many similarities. Basically, Iconoclasts began development at least 8 years ago, and it shows, for better or worse. On one hand, the game is gorgeous. Grade A sprite work all around. The characters are interesting and well written with their own morales and arcs, and the story is surprisingly deep and compelling considering the type of game it is. On the other hand, the gameplay feels very outdated now. The combat is super simplistic, the puzzles aren't terribly challenging or rewarding, and the weapon/ability upgrades are very limited. The traversal can be sluggish and boring, which is a red flag for a game where you have to backtrack a decent amount. If Iconoclasts came out 4 or 5 years ago, I feel like it would've been at least a cult classic. But in 2018, it's a decent Metroidvania in a year of great Metroidvanias. Overall, I'm glad Iconoclasts finally came out. I just wish it either came out sooner, or got more updated for modern game design.

#7: Slay the Spire

For all intents and purposes, I shouldn't like Slay the Spire. I always hated card-based RPGs, and always hated RPGs with only one party member. And for the most part, the issues I have with both of those are still very much present in Spire. So why have I sunk 50 hours into it so far? Beats me! If I had to guess, I’d say it’s the similarities it shares to Darkest Dungeon, one of my favorite games, that ultimately drives me to it. Now, you might be asking why Slay the Spire, a game that came out in 2017, and won’t be in 1.0 until probably 2019, is in my top 10 for this year, but Ori & the Blind Forest isn’t? Well, I started Ori last year, and didn’t start Spire until the middle of this year! Also, they’re my awards, and I can do whatever I want!

#6: Just Shapes & Beats

Just Shapes & Beats’ concept is simple: A rhythm bullet hell. Certainly not the first of it’s kind, and not even the first one to use simplistic shapes as the obstacles/characters. But there’s a bit more to it than that. JS&B has some good personality to go with it. It has some fun characters, all of the levels are demonstrative of the areas you’re in on the world map, it even has a couple lightly emotional moments! It’s much more than you’d expect from a game about Just Shapes & Beats. When I was younger and had vague dreams to make games, I always imagined making one that was basically “What if a Windows Visualizer was trying to kill you?” and also be themed around a world and a story, and JS&B is basically that.

#5: Pipe Push Paradise

What happens when you take Pipe Dream, an iconic puzzler which has given inspiration to countless others, and mix it with Stephen's Sausage Roll, arguably one of the greatest puzzle games of all time? You get Pipe Push Paradise, of course! That’s all I really have to say, and all I NEED to say.

#4: Dead Cells

Go play Dead Cells. Really, it’s the closest thing to a perfect Rogue-like (that isn’t Spelunky) out there right now. It’s a game so good, Filip Miucin couldn’t look away from it long enough to write his own review!

#3: Subnautica

If I had the opportunity to become a Fishman and live underwater, I’d probably take it. As long as you take out the jellyfish that can kill you .0001 seconds after stinging you, I have no qualms with open water. In fact, the isolated feeling from it is really relaxing to me. That’s what initially drew me to Subnautica. Survival games are usually hit or miss for me, but the ones I like I really dive deep into (Heh heh), and Subnautica is one of those. Also, I was rewatching the Super Mario Bros. Super Show on Netflix as I played this, so now I’ll have those two permanently linked in my mind from now on.

#2: Into The Breach

I love tactics games, especially Advance Wars. While I do still love others in the genre like Fire Emblem or X-COM, there are some intricacies of the AW series that most of the others don't have. When I first heard about Into The Breach, I thought it would be exactly what I wanted, a true successor to the series I'd been waiting for. And it was not! But it's still pretty damn good. It's not so much a tactics game as it is a puzzle game, described by Waypoint's own Austin Walker as a "tactical dance". You know at the start of each turn where each enemy is going to attack, and it's your job to navigate and attack with your 3 mech units in the exact right way to minimize or even straight up prevent any damage that would befall you or the cities you're protecting. You aren't trying to advance a map during combat, or conquer any enemy bases. You are merely trying to avoid damage for a certain amount of turns and move on to the next level. And it's all super fun! I've let the game sit for 10, 20 minutes while I try and figure out every possible option I have after being backed into a corner, and coming up with the absolute perfect solution and getting through to the other side is super satisfying. The biggest gripe I have with Into The Breach is the same one I had for FTL, the developer's last game, which is I don't think the unlockable mechs/mech teams are as fun as the default ones. I played most of them once or twice and went "Yeah, that's a thing" and migrate back to the first mech team. All in all, Into The Breach is a fantastic game, it just doesn't scratch that Advance Wars itch I've been feeling. Oh well, at least there's still Wargroove!

#1: Celeste

Celeste is a game I got 100% completion in. For those of you who might not know me well enough to know how I play games, that’s something that never happens. I think the last time I purposely got 100% on a game was in Uncharted 2, and even that was only to get a skin for multiplayer. Despite that, it’s been really difficult for me to write up a whole thing about why I love Celeste so much. It’s just a compilation of everything. I love the look of it, both the sprite work and the character portraits. The music, as mentioned before, is fantastic and perfectly fitting for all of the levels themes which deal in different forms of anxiety or self-doubt. The levels are hard, but not too hard. The secrets hidden throughout the game are so satisfying to figure out and find, very reminiscent of Braid. I feel confident in saying that Celeste has cemented itself as one of my favorite games of all time.

Well, that’s all I can handle writing for this year. Thanks to the few of you who skimmed through all this, and extra thanks to the fewer of you who read all of it! I’m not 100% sure if I’ll do this whole shpeel next year or not; maybe if 2019 turns out to be an incredible year for games, and definitely not if I have to move to Twitter in the off-chance Tumblr dies out completely. Hope you all had a fun holiday season, and have a great 2019!

#dont reblog pls #long post #very rare personal post???

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infinitelyblankpage · 6 years

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20 Questions Tag

Thank you @indecentpause for the tag :)

Tagging: @type-writings @forlornraven @westywrites

1. Is there any scene from any piece you’ve written that actually scared you? If so, describe the scene.

Not yet but I know there’s stuff coming up that’s going to be hard to write from a personal standpoint.

2. What genre do you feel most awkward writing?

Romance ... because my romantic life is non-existent

3. How many different types of writing do you write? Types of writing include novels, short stories, poetry, song lyrics, etc.

Mostly I write Novels (try to) but I’ve been known to write short stories in the past. I accidentally wrote poetry once, that was a weird experience. I can’t write poetry to save myself.

4. How old were you when you first started writing?

Twelve.

5. How confident are you in your writing?

Not very. I have a BA in Profesional and Creative Writing but fat lot of good it actually did. I very rarely feel confident in the quality of my work.

6. Have you ever written and posted anything that was very personal to you?

Yes. The accidental poetry. It was a letter to someone I used to be friends with, it’s weird af but eh.

7. What inspired you to start writing?

I actually don’t know. It was totally from left field. I was more mathematically inclined as a kid and was pretty much functionally illiterate until I was like seven. Just one day I was like “I’m gonna write this thing” and I literally haven’t stopped.

8. Which of your OCs do you relate to the most?

Zach. I’ve put a lot of myself into him and drawn upon several of my own experiences to throw at him.

9. Have you ever written self-insert fanfiction?

I’ve never written fanfiction before. Not out of some sense of superiority or anything but I’m just really bad at mimicking styles and I’m too picky to half-ass it.

10. What is your favourite piece you’ve ever written about?

My current WIP. I don’t think I’ve ever loved a WIP more than this one.

11. How frequently do you actually sit down and write?

Every day. My paying job allows me a lot of time to think every day so I end up writing down what I think about, or else it gets way too cluttered in my head and I can’t think straight (hecking annoying).

12. How many hours at a time do you do research on your writing?

HA! My professors would be scowling so hard right now. I research as I need it. I also don’t think I could sit still long enough to do hours of research at a time.

13. Do you like to branch out in your writing or do you tend to stick to what you know?

I think it’s safe to say I stick to what I know. I’ve written one non-fantasy novel. But I love magic too much.

14. What would your antagonist of your current WIP say to you if they saw you in person?

I don’t know. I haven’t spent much time with Isabelle, she appears once for two seconds before I drop a building on her arse in the first 20k words and before that she sort of Darth Vader’s it.

Sammy would be trying to force me to send Zach his way a lot faster.

15. Do you consider yourself your OCs’ god or just kind of a guiding hand (or other? If other, please list)?

I am their god. Yeah nah, I don’t know, I just sort of write whatever pops up in my head so I guess I’m the guiding hand.

16. What do you think you’d be doing with your time if you’d never gotten into writing?

I probably would have been like a chef or an artist. Maybe a photographer. I never really gave it much thought before. I bounce around all these creative avenues (I have a graphics tablet and I’m not even a graphic designer or a digital artist, follow that logic), but I always come back to writing.

17. Have you ever written a smut piece?

No. I want to, but it will probably end up being so awkward because I am awkward. The bean doesn’t fall too far from the stalk.

18. What was the first thing you ever wrote about?

I had this weird dream when I was twelve about a competition for free diving, except I had no idea free diving was a thing when I was twelve. And basically I somehow acquired the magical ability to swim really fast and hold my breath for a really long time and I beat the previous record holder from fifty years ago who also had the magic powers.

That was it. It was like ten pages.

19. What is the most creative creature you’ve ever created for world-building?

I have never invented a creature before but heck I want to!

20. Tell me one random fact about your WIP that you have yet to tell your followers.

There’s nothing I haven’t said that isn’t spoilery. Ah take this for now ... sometimes people shouldn’t be saved, no matter how much you love them.

#Tag games #Writeblr #My WIP #Questions

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thedeskside · 3 years

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The Deskside: Dana Nicole

Welcome to The Deskside, our interview series where we connect with up and coming creative women who are carving out their own special spaces in this wide world. We talk about their careers, experience, personal dilemmas, creative strategies, and more.

Designer Dana Nicole takes us through what it was like to start her own business, and what she would change.

The Stats

Name: Dana Nicole

Company: Dana Nicole Designs

Industry: Design

Find Her on Social:

Facebook

How did you make the leap to your current role?

I had always wanted to learn graphic and web design but I already had a degree in Business and I didn’t want to go back to school. I decided to teach myself both graphic and web design and over the next couple of years, I would take time to learn the theory and how to use the tools. When my husband, who is a professional hockey player, got signed to a team in Europe, I knew that this would be my opportunity to start my own business with what I had learned with graphic and web design! I started up Dana Nicole Designs as a result.

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I was convinced I was going to be a professional singer as a kid. I totally thought I’d be the next Christina Aguilera! I grew up singing, dancing, and performing, so that’s why I thought I’d be a pop star.

What was your first job ever? Did it help you in your current role?

I’ve been working for a long time! When I was 4 or 5, my parents owned a Dairy Queen and I’d beg them to let me come in and help out. So I’d come in and help clean in the back or do little chores and get paid for an hour’s work. My first “real” full-time job was helping out with accounting in an oil & gas company. I learned a lot about organization and how to manage a busy desk, but in terms of creativity, the job had none. This was the job that inspired me to learn design, I think because I wasn’t fulfilling my need to be creative during the day and I knew I needed a change! I think all the jobs I’ve had throughout my life have given me the work ethic I have today.

What made you want to start your business?

Well, I wanted to do graphic and web design because I just knew that I wanted to do something creative with my life. I credit my husband for keeping me on the right track though. It can get hard at times, especially in the first year of business because you can feel like you aren’t doing enough or have no idea where to go, and just want to give up. But he was there during that first year reminding me to keep pursuing my business and not to give up.

What does your job entail? How do you explain what you do to others?

Explaining my job to others is the hardest part! The easy part is telling them that I do graphic and web design for small businesses, which basically entails creating a logo, a website, and any other marketing materials that the business may need. But that’s only half of my business. The other half is my pre-made logos and the educational side to Dana Nicole Designs (my blog, my newsletter, my e-book, and the course I am working on). When I try to explain the last part of it to people, I usually lose them!

How long have you been doing this?

I officially started taking clients on in April 2017, but I had been working on my blog for the past 6 months, working on building up my presence online, and built up a little portfolio.

What is a day for you like? What is your routine?

I like to wake up at 7:30 and enjoy a cup of tea before starting any work. From there, I work from about 8:00am until 8:00pm but do take lots of breaks throughout the day. There have been many times where I’ve had to work straight through, but I try to schedule in time to go to the gym, have a lunch break, take the dog on a walk, and have some dinner.

How do you end your workday?

I have no set routine on how I end it, but my husband and I make sure we spend time together. Whether that means watching re-runs of “The Office” or actually going out and doing something!

What were some of the initial steps that you took when starting your business? Well first, I had to learn graphic and web design, but after that, I started my blog and my Instagram as a way to start building up my online presence. I knew I wasn’t ready to take on paying clients yet, and I wanted to have a solid website with a portfolio put together. I did volunteer work for some charities and work for friends and family before I got going.

If you are thinking of starting up a business, I highly encourage you to start a blog and get familiar with SEO. Building a blog takes some time, especially to start getting a decent amount of traffic.

What are your biggest responsibilities as an entrepreneur/freelancer?

Making sure that I’m meeting my deadlines for my clients. My clients are my number 1 priority and as it’s just me, it can take me a couple of extra weeks to finish a project as opposed to an agency. My timelines are a bit longer because of this, but I let my clients know what the timeline will be before they agree to work with me and I always make sure to finish on time.

What has been the hardest part of your transition?

The hardest part of my transition was not having someone sitting in the office next to me when I had a question. I suddenly found myself with nobody to ask questions to and would have to post any questions I had about design on online forums and wait for a reply. Finding a community of freelance designers has helped me grow because I’m able to connect virtually with people who are in similar positions.

What has been the easiest part of your transition?

Managing a business I love. I get up in the mornings and don’t mind one bit if I know I have a 12 hours day ahead of me. I love what I do to no end!

What keeps you motivated?

My husband and family provide me with a lot of motivation, but seeing how far I have grown in the last 6 months really motivates me. I stopped looking at my growth from week to week because it’s really difficult to notice any difference and was leaving me frustrated because I felt like my business wasn’t growing. But when I sit back and think of where my business was 6 months ago compared to now, I can’t help but have a huge smile on my face.

How do you define success now?

Success to me is being able to make an income doing what I love. That sounds so cliché but it’s the truth.

How do you prevent burnout?

I’m very proactive with burnout. I can feel it coming on right away, and when I get that feeling I take a step back, and make myself take the evening off or the afternoon off (as long as I don’t have any looming deadlines). I know that I’m much more productive when I’m not burnt out, so it’s better to take an afternoon off and miss out on some work in order to refresh.

What do you think is the most important characteristic to have for someone who wants to take a similar career route to yours?

If someone wants to become a freelance designer, they need to be able to work independently. They need to realize that every aspect of their business is now controlled by them, and they will have a very busy desk to keep track of.

What do you wish you knew before starting out on your own path?

I wish I knew how long it takes to build something up. I would get really frustrated when I wasn’t getting tons of followers on social media or tons of traffic to my website. It can take anywhere from months to years to build that type of reputation up, and for some reason, I thought it would take much less time. I’d love to tell new business owners to enjoy the first year of business and growth because as long as they persist, it will come. It’s just a matter of time.

Did anyone help you in developing your own business or side business?

No. I wish I had more mentors starting out, but I don’t know any graphic or web designers, bloggers, or online business owners. When it came to incorporating my business, my parents were there helping me navigate my way through that, but aside from that, I had to get roll up my sleeves and learn the ins and outs myself – which I think is such a great way to learn!

Do you have a work idol? Is there a working woman or man out there that you admire?

Again, my parents! I saw how hard they worked with their business and wanted to be able to do the same.

What is your favorite thing about the industry you work in?

I love how the inspiration is limitless and how different everyone’s design style is! I could seriously get lost scrolling through the Instagram feeds of my favorite designers!

What are some tools that you can’t live without?

I wouldn’t be able to do my job if I didn’t have my camera, my design tablet, Illustrator, Photoshop, InDesign, and Lightroom! They are all paid tools and are the tools that most professional designers use.

What do you have on your desk or working space right now?

Right now I have my notepad, my camera, my tablet, and a cup of tea. I always need to have a cup of tea to work.

What do you want other women in similar situations to know about your chosen career path?

I want them to know that if they are wanting to do something similar, all they have to do is start. It takes time to build everything up, but you have to just go for it!

#interview #interview series #series #journal #business #small business #entrepreneur #career

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shortstrangestories-blog · 7 years

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Life After Death

Part One

Do you know what it's like? To be living one day, living life normally and suddenly that stops and everything comes into question. How the life you once knew, the life you cultivated yourself, suddenly comes to an end.

There are so many stories and religions that have been developed to persuade you what happens when you die. Some say reincarnation, living as one animal and onto the next until you reach complete enlightenment, assuming you don’t mess up and aren't downgraded an animal. Some believe that the choices you make while living that determines whether you venture to heaven or hell. So many misleading results that have obviously never been proven, and how could they be?

Well, what I am here to tell you, is not what happens to everyone. I’m not sure if this will even reach anyone. But I am here to tell you a little story on what my personal experience was with death.

Chapter 1:

I was always different. Born different, and I knew it. Ever since I was a little girl, I have always the odd one out. I’m not saying I was bullied for it or anything, but my friends were different as well. I could have been the popular kid dating the best looking boy in school but I knew my place. In elementary school, I hung out with the kids who had nothing and my mom would always ask me “Why do you always bring the stray kids home?”, and it was true. It might have been the fact that I didn’t know any better, or the fact that I was just happy with them because I knew they would be true to me.

Like many other kids in my generation, I was an internet wiz. I would spend hours a day on there and by the time I hit grade 8, I was introduced to the beautiful and extraordinary world of Tumblr. If you don’t know Tumblr then you are reading the wrong story. Tumblr was this amazing community of outside kids much like me, and we all escaped to it.

Once that ended and I moved onto high school, nothing changed. I was still choosing to be the outside kid, except Tumblr introduced me to a world I wanted desperately to be apart of: The Scene/Emo kid community. Being from a small town there were maybe 2 of us in my high school alone; doesn’t help that I chose the smart school, which was full of as we called them “The Prep Kids”. Mid grade 9, I dyed my hair black and wore too much eyeliner. Got piercings all over my face, but was so outgoing in my little group of outcast friends that I absolutely adored. I was like this for much of high school.

Moving onto College, I had bleached the black hair back to a medium brown, and let it grow out. I won an art scholarship in high school, and chose to go to school to become a Graphic Designer. It was then that I met my first serious boyfriend, which is so stereotypical, I know. At this point my little group of friends had been split into two friends, one Korean girl in my class, and an old friend from high school. College had been a great experience for me. I lived on my own, got engaged to my first love, and almost graduated.

The man who I thought was the love of my life, had just been a fake prince in tin foil, and had cheated on me. That was the beginning of my bad luck and when I realized my world was crashing, and fast. My best friend Mia (the Korean girl I had previously mentioned) broke my heart and got a new best friend, and with me being the jealous type, could not deal with it.

Through my second year of college, I was a makeup artist at a local drugstore back home. I would often go back home on weekends to work and come back to school during the week. I worked my butt off throughout college, and have always been a hard worker with everything I did. In January of that year, I met the love of my life. With me working weekends at my job, I had never noticed who I worked with. One friday night, I was putting the sale tags up, just like I did every other Friday night, and I saw him. He worked as a merchandiser, and I was instantly head over heels for him. Me being the awkward young adult I was, I walked past the isle he was in and made eye contact with him and wanted so desperately to say hello, but all I could manage to get out was a “Merp”. He was medium height, about 5”7, muscular with a goatee, and with as my generation called it “Justin Bieber hair”. Before all this happened, he told me multiple times that it was love at first merp.

We dated for a total of just over two years, and I still believe we would have gotten married. Everything with him was perfect. You know those silly couples that fit so perfectly together, never fight, and are the literal definition of the perfect couple? That was him and I. We were a fairytale, and everyone knew it.

In July of that year, the Korean girl and I made up and became an unstoppable force. We were twisted sisters, often referred to as “Christina Yang and Meredith Grey” from Grey’s Anatomy. She was my soul sister, and she was my person.

The next year was a blur to me, everything was so perfect; my perfect boyfriend, my perfect best friend, my perfect full time job. At this point, I was working as a nurse, not at all what I had planned on doing 3 years ago when I started as a Graphic Design student. I had a brand new white Chevrolet Malibu, and had all my debt paid off from school, although I hadn’t graduated. Life was constantly throwing me curve balls, but I loved dealing with them even if they stressed me out. I was motivated and cultivating the life I loved to live.

Chapter 2:

As we all know, everything comes to an end. What goes up must come down. Why do all good things come to an end?

It started with my mom. She had never found her perfect person and always complained about being lonely, but I had never known how serious it was. One day, looking through an old cupboard that never had anything useful in it, I found a prescription for Prozac. I wanted to ask her about it but I knew how badly that would upset her since it was hidden in the first place. I waited for her to get home that day, but she never came home.

After a few hours, I had called the police. They were sending out a search party for her, and with her job being 45 minutes from home they had a lot of ground to cover.

Looking for comfort, I called Dan. His phone went instantly to voicemail, and I was already so frightened. I told the cops that I was going to check on my boyfriend to see if he had heard from her, and to stay there. I jumped in my car shaking, and drove as fast as I could to his house. I proceeded to call on my way there but still straight to voicemail.

I pulled up in front of his townhouse a few minutes later and noticed a car I had never seen before. Not thinking too much about it, I walked to his house and all the lights were off. Is he just not home from work yet? It was already 7pm, he should be home. I had a key to his house so I just walked in to check. All the lights were off still, but his bedroom light was on, which was barely visible from the front door. I called his name a few times, but no answer. I was still shaking.

As I approached his bedroom, I heard a woman's voice. Now I was shaking even harder. I peeked into his room and they were sitting on his bed talking about sports. I had no idea what to think and I was panicking with everything going on. By this point I was crying uncontrollably and all I kept thinking was that he was cheating; he is just like every other boy. I walked to his door and was shocked to see me. The girl was shocked as well. I froze staring at them both on his bed, shaking and crying. He was starting to walk towards me, and I was paralyzed. He touched my arm and was talking to me, but I couldn’t hear him. My vision got blurry. I wanted to vomit. She was still staring at me. He was shaking me to get me to snap out of it but all I could get out was “cheater”. I turned around in a daze and walked towards the front door, my heart was breaking inside of me. He was chasing after me but I still couldn’t hear him. I was like a zombie. I slammed his front door and ran to the car. I raced off, my tires screeching against the pavement. I called Mia, trying to get some advice on what the heck was happening in my life. My perfect life had been interrupted by a hiccup, and I didn’t know if what I just saw was what I thought it was, or just something I was misunderstanding. I didn’t care. I need to talk to Mia.

My heart finally snapped into pieces when she didn’t answer her phone. She was always eating, sleeping or in school, so it wasn’t a surprise when she didn’t answer. The comfort never came.

I got to the light around the corner from my house, which happened to be a busy highway. The light was red, and I was finally coming to my senses and able to focus. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw Dan’s car quickly approaching mine. The light turned green and I hit the gas pedal as hard as I could to get away from him. He was the last person I wanted to see at that moment. And then it hit me, literally.

Chapter 3:

What happened next, is something I don’t recall. It went blurry from there. All the anger, the sadness, the shaking, it all stopped suddenly. The next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital bed. As I came back to my conscious self, I wasn’t in pain anymore. I felt nothing.

I noticed an IV in my arm, giving me fluid as to keep me hydrated.

I looked around and everything was starting to come into focus. It was the perfect snowfall outside; slow and beautiful, my favourite weather.

I stared mesmerized for a few minutes waiting for everything else to start making sense. What happened? What about Dan and my mom? I had nothing. I hit the emergency button to call a nurse into my room. She scurried in with another patient's chart in her hands. She was short, with long brown hair tucked into a bun on top of her head. The expression on her face made it seem like I was never suppose to wake up. She seemed thrilled. How long had I been gone for? There was no indication in my room to help me figure it out, other than a small ordinary clock on my wall telling me it was 3 o’clock in the morning.

“Where is my mom?” I asked still groggy from the meds. The nurse looked at me with comfort, and informed me that she was just in the hallway with Dan.

Right… Dan. I remembered that night. I lost a piece of my heart that night. Even recalling the events of that night, I did not experience any feeling. Still no heartbreak, no anger, no jealousy. I thought it must be the meds.

My mom walked in with Dan trailing behind her, and I had never seen them both look so relaxed. They routinely asked me how I was feeling, and if I remembered anything. Thinking about it, I only remember looking in my rearview mirror and seeing Dan chasing me. “That's all I remember.” Mom and Dan exchanged looks. It seemed like they already knew what was going to be said next without even saying anything. Had they bonded that much while all of this was going on?

“It doesn’t matter what happened honey, what matters is you are safe now.”

What bothered me was not that they were bonding so well, it was the fact she said now. What did she mean now and why isn’t anyone telling me what happened?

“No seriously guys, what happened to me? Why am I here?”

Dan spoke up now, looking so heartfelt. He never looks at me like that, let alone is ever really serious with me.

“You’ve been through a lot babe, it’s best if we just let you rest now that you are awake.”

I couldn’t argue with him, this whole thing has raised the hair on my arms; this was not like either of them at all. They walked out of my room and left me to rest.

Chapter 4:

They discharged me as soon as all my vitals were stable and everything was healed. With minor bruising and some scratches, the only lead I had gotten was from my doctor, “You’re lucky to be alive.” Something really bad must have happened.

Dan had volunteered to take me home, and with my mom working that day she happily accepted. I assumed it was because he wanted to talk about what happened that night everything crashed. We got to his car and I crawled in, and as we were driving I noticed that for once in my small town, everyone was driving the way they were suppose to be. Even Dan, who is a reckless driver was going exactly the speed limit, almost as if he were retaking his driver's test. He asked me if I was hungry and if I wanted to go out to eat something other than hospital food, but I really didn’t remember eating at all in the hospital.

We went to a small sports bar for lunch, where I had ordered an omelette and he ordered a burger with fries. I sat quietly waiting for the food to come and wasn’t looking at him after what he had done. I was thankful for him taking me home and being here for me after what happened, but it still didn’t make up for what happened.

“Alicia… We need to talk. I can only imagine how you feel right now, you have no idea what happened. I know you need to know, because that's how you are, but your mom thinks it's best if we just move forward.”

Seriously? That’s what he wanted to talk about? Typical him avoiding the mistake he made. “Is that all you want to talk about? Don’t you think I deserve to know? What if I have permanent brain damage or I have arthritis pain for the rest of my life and I will never know why. Kind of selfish don’t you think?”

“I can’t go against what your mom says, she is your mom.”

“If I was in your shoes, I would tell you what happened, I have respect for you”.

He wasn’t raising his voice. Whenever we fought, he would always raise his voice even simply an octave in defense.

“Fine, you want to know what happened? I’ll tell you but you can’t act like you always know everything in front of your mother if I tell you.”

I said quiet and waited for him to tell me.

“Alicia, how much do you remember from that night?”

I had to sit and think for a moment to make sure I had all my facts straight and in correct order.

“I remember waiting for mom to get home to ask her something about her medication. Then she never came home so I called the cops and had a search party sent out. I called you and your phone went right to voicemail and in the heat of my panic, I drove to your house to make sure you were safe. I showed up, let myself in your house, and you had some girl on your bed. I ran out, got in my car and saw you in my rear view at the light and then I panicked and went through the light. That's all I remember.”

He looked down from me as the food came to the table. He looked like he was in pain, which wouldn’t make any sense to me. This is all his fault.

“So what you are saying is this is all my fault? You didn’t think I already knew that? I have been so heartbroken this whole time, because I knew you got the wrong idea.”

What on earth did he mean the wrong idea? I was enraged at this point but I sat there quietly waiting while he played with his fixings on his burger.

“You were hit by a transport truck, which was going 80 kilometers per hour Alicia. That’s what the doctor meant when he said you are lucky to be alive. I overheard the doctors talking to your mom, and apparently you are a the biggest miracle they have ever seen, or maybe ever to happen.”

I instantly lost my appetite. I had a million questions racing through my head, none of which he could possibly answer.

“Alright well, even though my head is so full of questions and information, you said I had gotten the wrong idea about you and that girl that night. Explain please, because at this point, I already feel uneasy sitting with you right now.”

“That was my cousin Hannah. We have always been super close, and you have nothing to worry about.”

Like I haven’t heard that excuse before. How stupid does he think I am?

“How come I’ve never met this cousin, let alone heard about her? She’s never been at any of your Christmas’s, or any holiday get togethers for that matter.” Caught him.

“She doesn’t live here. My aunt moved them to Ireland a few years ago, and this was her first trip home since then, and she isn’t into me, or even men for that matter.”

It makes sense, but it isn’t making me feel any better. If they were so close, how have I never heard about her before? She was gorgeous, which is what made me so uneasy seeing her there that night.

“Look Alicia. I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but I would never hurt you. You were my first girlfriend, and the last two years I spend with you were the best two years of my life. My family loves you, and I love you even more. You are a miracle.”

I didn’t know what to say back. I was so overwhelmed with information, and I still felt no relief.

He finished his burger and drove me back home. I took my plate to go since I wasn’t hungry. We pull up in front of my house and as I went to get out, he grabbed my arm.

“I love you Alicia. I hope you know that.”

I nodded my head, and froze. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a little purple box. What is happening.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Over the last month, I have had so many thoughts go through my head, and I never knew if I would even get you back. I want you to marry me.”

This is not right. Dan never wanted to get married. Every time we talked about the future he would close himself off and not speak. Either something really happened to him to change him, or I am dreaming that I’m alive. The ring was beautiful, square with one big diamond and small diamonds around the band. I stared in awe and looked back at him and back to the ring.

“Am I dreaming? What happened to you Dan?”

“Let’s say I smartened up!” He laughed and I didn’t find any of this funny.

“I love you, but am I able to get back to you on that? I need to figure some things out before I agree…” I carefully took the ring, and got out of the car.

I went right up to my room, and sat in my bed. I opened the box and sat it on the other side of the bed and just stared at it, for what seemed like hours. It was beautiful and fit perfectly.

Part two out soon

#short story #death #life #smallbusiness #female #cute #sad #depression #love story #love #family #gaming #happy #supportme #follwme #please #read #this #feels #emotional

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liifegambler · 7 years

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HOW DO YOU RUN YOUR BLOG?

Speed: WELL. slow-ish? i don’t roleplay at all on weekdays since i work full-time and am on a computer as it is for like 8 hours soooo by the time i’m home, the LAST thing i want to do is sit on my slow ass old macbook and try to write, ya feel? i’m just burNT out. so, i only actually get properly online on the weekends (not a lot tbh cause i have other stuff i like doing, but i try to AT LEAST get on in the evenings to churn some writing out). that being said, i do pride myself on being pretty consistent with replies/communication and all that -- i certainly do my best despite my lack of any real free time. SO, i’m not lightning quick but you’ll get replies (IC or OOC) in a pretty timely fashion, i think! Replies: 10000% queued always. it’s legit the only way i can get things done -- getting like a bunch of replies back and all that just got waaay too overwhelming for me since i’m never actively sitting on the dash anymore to go like back and forth with folks?? so, spreading my replies out in the queue allows me to usually spread out the time in which i get things tossed back wHICH makes me a much more calm human. it helps keep my drafts across the several blogs i juggle at 9/10 manageable numbers so that i can actually churn out all my replies on ALL my blogs every weekend and have them stuffed in ol’ queue! just makes my life easier tbh! Starters: i will almost never do starter calls (or memes) because i either get no interest, little to no replies once i post them, or tbh i just straight up i just suCK at writing starters xD i will however TOTALLY write you a starter if you want one! you just gotta let me know -- i prefer plotted ones so that the thread has a little direction, and it helps gimme an idea of what to write to start! Inbox: my inboxes are all across the board pretty bare tbh xD like i mentioned, i almost never post memes b/c on the off chance i do get a lot of interest, i’m afraid of being too overwhelmed and i like to make sure i have time for all my replies! that being said!! i will post the odd starter call or reblog a meme if i’m liKE really hungry for some interactions (aka i don’t have anything to write atm and/or just wanna drum up some new things)! Wishlist item: heCK good question tbh -- i really haven’t given this tons of thought yet??? i follow a lot of different kinds of blogs so i’m honestly up for just about anything?? come @ me! Honest note: i don’t really know what i’m meant to put here?? i will say that super mega extra tiny text and like icons that are so edited you can’t even tell what they are ?? kinDA?? make me cry?? i’m old and goin blind b/c i’m a graphic designer who spends like 9 hours a day staring at computer screens lmao i juST !! it won’t like turn me away from someone cause honestly, everyone should just do whatever they wanna do on their blog (and for text, i have a thing that makes all the text on my screen a certain point size anyway) -- that’s just the one “honest” thing i could think of?? idk i think legibility is super important regardless of the aesthetic??? but yEAH everyone is entitled to like what they like! that’s just moi ~

tagged by : @lionwept <333 tagging : whoever’s reading this, TAG YOU’RE IT !!

#|| i actually like this ???#|| it's good info and solid psa about my activity and how i roll on all my blogs!#☥ ––– YOU SWEAR? EVERY DAMN DAY ( ooc. )#☥ ––– LOOSEN THE KNOT AND LET ME GO ( psa. )

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violecentstrs · 7 years

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My Basty Bear

A/N: Hey guys! In celebration of my blog reaching to over 100 followers (author’s mind is blown), I decided to write out this one shot! I wanted to post another one I made of Sebastian Stan, but since this is a bit special, I made a different one. I hope you guys enjoy it! (I apologize for any grammar mistakes in my story)

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader Warnings: Language, angst, fluff Word count: 6,300 Summary: Reader has a habit of coming home late because of her love for painting. Unfortunately, that also starts to raise Sebastian’s suspicions of her habits.

★ ★ ★

The music blasts through my earphones as I move the messy sponge along the canvas in rough dabs. I dip the edge of the sponge into the black paint before blending the colours into the canvas. I hum to the music, bopping my head back and forth. I was lost in this canvas. Nothing else matters right now.

I stare at the piece for a while before deciding to fix another area that I don’t think looks convincing enough. My favourite song comes along and I can’t resist it. I set the palette and sponge down to dance in place. I move my body around to the beat as I sing along out loud.

This is the norm for me. Singing, dancing and painting all at the same time. I was alone in my studio after all. I’m doing a painting for Sebastian for our anniversary gift. I want it to be perfect.

I do a quick spin to the music. I catch a glimpse of the large clock on the wall. My eyes widen and I stop immediately. I stare at the clock carefully. 8:23. I look through the window and sure enough, it was dark outside. I let out a gasp before quickly clean myself up. I wash out the brushes, palettes and sponge and cover up the canvas.

I store it into the storage room before locking it up tight. I lock up my studio room and run down the hallway. I’m so late. Sebastian would be home any minute and I haven’t made dinner. Argh, this is why I shouldn’t paint without someone there with me to remind me of the time. I always just lose myself in paintings for hours on end.

When I arrived at our apartment, it was brightly lit. I smell something delicious cooking in the kitchen. Great… he’s home. My heart aches. I feel a little terrible for doing this, possibly, the hundredth time to him.

He comes home tired from filming every night and would always want food. I would always have some ready so he can get right to sleep after eating. But ever since I started painting that present, I’ve been forgetting to get home early to cook.

I know Sebastian can always cook for himself, but I’ve always liked cooking and I want to do it for him. Especially, after spending his hours of continuous filming in a day every day. I drop my bags by the front door before walking over to the kitchen.

I hear a song playing from the kitchen. Sebastian is cooking pasta while humming to the song. I bite my lower lip as I step into the kitchen.

“Hey, honey.” I say nervously.

He looks up at me. His eyes light up. He looks both happy and relieved to see me. I was too. Seeing his face made me feel so refreshed all over again.

“There you are. Where have you been, Y/N?” He asks calmly.

I was expecting him to be a little angry at me for coming home late, but no. Also, to think that I’ve done this to him so many times, he would’ve figured out by now where I was and why I was late.

“Studio. I’m so sorry.” I say, feeling guilty.

I approach him to give him a hug. He wraps his free arm around me before kissing the top of my head. My heart flutters to his touch. His hugs always give me comfort. He’s like a giant teddy bear. A bulky teddy bear. How can he be so perfect? So caring and understanding all the time despite my wrongs?

“It’s all right, love. I’m making pasta for dinner.” He says as he throws in a pinch of salt in the sauce. The smell is heavenly. He’s such a good cook. I watch him as he stirs the sauce around.

“Yum! I’ll set the table and make us some drink. How does watermelon juice sound?” I say, remembering we have a quarter of watermelon left in the fridge. He gives me a warm smile before nodding.

“Sounds good.” He answers before giving my forehead another kiss. He’s an amazing guy. I am the luckiest person on earth to be with this man, really.

“How was filming?” I ask him while getting the fruit out from the fridge.

“Good. We had a lot of fun on set again. I have to film the fight scenes soon, so a little exciting.” He says cheerfully. He sounds so cute. He always like the fight scenes, but they can be very exhausting too.

“Awh, you’ll do great like before, love. I’m sure.” I say, giving his cheek a quick kiss. His chuckle is so soft and sweet.

“I wish you could come and see me work more often.” His little request sounds like a little puppy whining. I can’t. It’s too adorable. I give him a smile.

“I will during lunch, baby. You know I always do whenever I can.” I say.

“Yeah, but lately you’ve been up in your studio until the late hours of the nights.” He says. Ah, well, he does notice it.

“I know. I have a little project. I promise I’ll come and see you when I can, all right?” I say, cutting the watermelon up. I feel his arms wrap around my waist as he buries his face into the crook of my neck. My body shivers to his touch.

“You know it always brighten my day to see your face around set. I wish I could see you every hour of every day.” He says, brushing his lips against my skin. My heart flutters to the sensation of his soft lips on my neck. I let out a chuckle.

“Me too, love.” I turn around to wrap my arms around his neck. I press my lips against his gently. He returns it a little hungrily. I nibble on his bottom lip before looking up into his eyes. Lust lurking behind them.

“Why don’t we skip the meal and go straight for the dessert?” Sebastian whispers into my ear sexily before biting my earlobe softly. A shiver up my spine. I smirk before whispering right into his ear.

“What kind of dessert would you like for tonight?”

☀ ☀ ☀

I stumble out of the elevator after being late at making dinner once again. Why don’t I ever learn my lesson? This is rather annoying for both me and Sebastian. I burst into the door to find Sebastian chilling by the sofa with a soda in hand. He looks over the back of the couch at me.

“Hey. You’re home late.” He says a little cautiously. I take a deep breath before setting my bag down and close the door.

“I’m sorry. I know. I was at the studio.” I say as I approach him.

I slump onto the sofa and right onto his lap. My arms are hurting from the intense painting. I nuzzle my face into his thigh for comfort. His lap feels so comfy and soft under my cheek, like cuddly teddy bear.

He runs his fingers through my hair once. His touch felt so loving and gentle, accompanied by the kind chuckle he gives out. It feels so nice to be with him again after all day of being in the studio.

“Studio again? What were you doing?” He asks me. I keep my eyes closed. I feel so comfortable with him. I open my eyes when I smell something nice. Pizza.

“I was painting, what else?” I chuckle before sitting up. I touch the box. Cold.

“Have you eaten?” I ask. When I flip it open, the pizza was untouched. Now the guilt comes flooding right back into me.

“No, I was waiting for you.” He says as he puts the soda on the table. I look over at him with a guilt ridden face. He smiles and kiss my forehead.

“Basty, I’m so sorry…” I say, feeling my chest tighten. He shakes his head and runs his hand against my back.

“It’s all right, love. Dig in.” He says. I watch him as he waits for me. How can he be so kind? Even after a long and tiring day of filming, he still offers me to eat first. Why is Sebastian such a kind soul?

I pick a slice up before holding it against his lips.

“You eat first.” I say. With a chuckle, he bites into the pizza.

☀ ☀ ☀

I fumble through my cards to find the one for my elevator. I curse to myself quietly. I must’ve left it at the studio. Again, Y/N? I know you want to finish that painting before next month, but to keep depriving Sebastian of his extra rest is just a straight up crime.

“Hey, neighbour.” I hear a voice from behind me. I look over to find Karl, my neighbour standing behind me. I sigh out in relief and nod. He laughs before swiping his card next to the button.

“Thanks, Karl. I forgot it at my studio again.” I say while stepping in. He shakes his head.

“Of course. Neighbours have to help each other out.” He answers as the door closes. I tap my feet nervously as the elevator brings us up.

“Is everything okay?” He looks at me. I look at my watch. It’s almost 11:30PM. I bought some Chinese food on the way home since there was no food at home. I look up at Karl before nodding.

“Yeah. Yeah, it is. I’m just a little tired.” I say with a nervous smile.

“You have a big project to do at the company?” He asks. I work as a graphic designer at a company and he knows about it. Only on my free days that I get to paint as long as I want. I shake my head.

“Nah. Not that.” I answer. I stare up at the ascending numbers, hoping that it would open up quickly. I wonder if Sebastian has eaten anything.

“Don’t stress out too much. I’m sure everything will be fine.” He pats my shoulder. I sigh out and give him a smile. How much longer do I have to stay in here? It feels like eternity.

When the door finally opens up, I thank him again before running down the hall. I press on the bell and wait for Sebastian to answer. When there was no response, I press it again.

“Is Sebastian even home?” Karl asks after catching up. My body is shivering. I’m getting so nervous. Was he out? That’s when I remembered to check my phone. Oh God, I’m so dead aren’t I?

I had about 5 messages from Sebastian.

✉

17:32 – Hun, I’m going to come home early today. Can you also be home soon?

17:53 – Babe?

20:21 – Hey, I’m grabbing dinner outside with the boys. Sorry.

21:14 – I’m at home now. Where are you?

22:45 – Are you at the studio? I’m coming over.

✉

I let out a dreadful sigh. Bad Y/N! Bad bad Y/N! How could you do this to your own boyfriend?

He’s tired from filming, he tells you that every time. And you keep on doing this to him. Don’t you love Sebastian?

“I don’t know where he is.” I say with a sad tone. I should call him. But no phone call in the world can fix this mistake of mine.

“Why don’t you come inside and take a seat?” Karl offers as he opens the door. I nod a little sadly. I ring Sebastian’s phone once, but he’s not picking up.

I sit by the couch in Karl’s apartment. Even though the apartment design is similar, his interior design looks completely different than Sebastian’s. He is an interior designer after all. Quite the talent. Much respect to Karl.

I give his phone another call. I can feel myself on the verge of tears. I didn’t mean to do this to him. I really didn’t.

“It is okay, Y/N. Maybe he fell asleep? You can sleep over here until tomorrow.” Karl says as he leans against the couch to look at me. That’s not really helping either. I have my own boyfriend. If I stay over at Karl’s, what will that look like to others?

Not long after, I hear the sound of keys inserted into a door. I dash out through Karl’s door to find Sebastian opening the door to our apartment. When I saw him, relief washes over my face. I run to him and give him a tight hug.

“Y/N!” He yells surprised. He looks down at me before up at Karl, who is standing by the doorway. I can see the suspicion forming in his eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Sebastian! I didn’t mean it! I didn’t mean to keep doing this to you!” I say tearfully. Sebastian’s suspicion turns into worry as he wipes my tears away. He lets out a sigh. That sigh sounds so painful.

I really felt horrible for doing this. I need to stop doing this to Sebastian. It’s not fair.

“It’s okay. I was worried.” He says quietly. He looks up at Karl.

“Thanks.” His tone was a little cold. Karl nods and closes the door.

“Where were you?” He asks me once we got inside the house. I can sense the stress in his voice. He must’ve been worried.

“I’m sorry, Sebastian. I was at the studio.” I say. I know it is my fault. There was no way I wasn’t wrong in this case.

“Studio again? Are you sure that’s where you were? What are you doing there that is so important, Y/N?” I look at him surprised. So sudden. Why is there a little accusation in that tone of his?

“I have a project, Sebastian. I had work to do. I’m sorry!” I plead with him. I don’t want to argue with him. He’s tired and needs to get some rest. He runs his hand through his hair once before letting out a loud sigh.

“What were you doing with Karl?” He asks a little hurt. I look at him surprised.

“Nothing. He just—”

“Are you sure? Are you not more than just friends?” He asks, half yelling at me. I back away. What is he talking about?

“Sebastian? I barely know the guy. He’s just helping me out. I left my card and keys in the studio, I swear.” I say a little scared. The hurt in his eyes softens out when he senses the fear in my tone. Now he was feeling guilty for getting angry at me.

“I’m sorry… I don’t mean to… I was just scared, Y/N… I didn’t know when you’d be home…” He says pulling me into a hug. I hold him back tightly. I feel so stupid. Why do I keep on making mistakes to this perfect guy? And every time I do, he still forgives me.

I shouldn’t do this to him anymore.

☀ ☀ ☀

I hold up the painting a little satisfyingly. It’s finally done. Just in time too. A painting of a bright rainbow galaxy made solely based on my own imagination. I painted a small teddy bear at the bottom right corner of the painting. I felt proud of it. I hope Sebastian will like this present.

After that night, I have been setting alarms on my phone to remind me of getting home. I only missed making dinner for him twice now after that. I’m improving my times slowly. We also get to spend extra time together since he can get home early to get enough rest for their travel.

Right now, they are in another state to film a particular scene. I won’t see him until tomorrow night, which is the day of our anniversary. Just perfect.

He said he promises to take me out the day after the anniversary. I agreed and pretended that I have nothing planned out. I told Karl about my plans to get the place glammed up for our anniversary. He insisted to help since he was an interior designer. He even said to help sparkle up the bedroom.

So, for the past few nights, he and I have been out buying the things needed to get the place ready. I have been staying up late anyways. I don’t like sleeping alone. Not after moving in with Sebastian anyways. He’s my teddy bear and I need him to have sweet dreams and a good sleep.

“Why don’t you just drop these off at the apartment?” I say to Karl while fumbling through my keys. We just returned from an art store for the decorations. He’s helping me hold some of the bags.

In an instant, I see my other neighbour walking out. A young woman. She looks over at me and Karl.

“Oh, hey, Y/N.” She greets me suspiciously. I smile at her.

“Hey, Fiona! Going out?” I ask her. Karl smiles at her. She nods.

“Yeah. What are you guys doing?” She asks. She seems to be trying to look into the bags we are holding.

“Just got home. We went to get some stuff.” I say cheerfully, thinking about how I’m excited to decorate the house.

“Oh. Okay, well good night.” She says. I wave her goodbye before stepping into the apartment with Karl. When I did, I could have sworn I heard a camera shutter. But when I turned around, Fiona is already by the elevator door.

☀ ☀ ☀

This morning I woke up to nothing. I usually get a phone call from Sebastian every morning. It’s the reason why I get up with a smile. Even though he’s not physically there, but hearing his sweet voice in the morning would always give me the energy I need every day.

I stare at my phone, waiting for his face to appear, but nothing. I bite my lower lip and decide to be the one calling him instead.

“Hello?” His voice makes my heart jump with happiness.

“Hey, Basty. H—”

“Honey, I’m filming. I’ll call later. Bye.” Just like that.

Ouch. My heart is so torn at that. He never does that. If he is filming, he would message me. Did he forget that today is our anniversary? He couldn’t have. He talked to me about it. He felt so bad for not being here with me the whole day too. Now he says that to me when I just want to wish him.

I take a deep breath. No no. I shouldn’t get mad at him. He’s busy. He’s flying in tonight, so we can celebrate together. Karl should come over in a couple of hours. I’ll get myself freshen up.

☀ ☀ ☀

I wait in the living room. Sebastian messaged me that his flight has landed. He said he’s going out with his buddies for a few drinks then promises to come home before 9. It is 11PM and he’s nowhere to be seen.

I can’t believe he’s doing this on our anniversary night. I had such a nice outfit on that I had bought solely for tonight. I even wore something sexy underneath for later. Food has grown cold and the ice bucket holds nothing but cold water and a bottle of unopened champagne. On his seat, two packages. One of the canvas I had painted and a telescope I bought for him.

I had kicked my feet up on the coffee table with two glass bottles of soda on the floor. I am angry at him. I know I made mistakes of always leaving our dinners for him to prepare, but our anniversary is different. It shouldn’t be spent like this. I understood enough that it’s like a payback, but not today of all days.

Not when I had the apartment dazzled and food ready on the table.

I wanted to get drunk. I wanted to yell at him for leaving me hanging like this. But if I do get drunk, I’ll just be a broken mess and won’t be able to deal with him face to face. I’ve been doing nothing but soiling myself in this burning anger.

I hear my phone ding. I look at the notification. Sebastian posted a picture on Instagram. My heart drops and my chest tightens. He’s at a club, holding glasses of beers together with a few of his friends. He looks so happy and enjoying himself. I read the caption.

“Enjoying my time out with my buddies. A night I’ll never forget! Hope you all are having a good night out there!”

He hangs up on me in the morning, barely texting me throughout the day, then go out to drink with his friends without even wishing me a happy anniversary?

I didn’t have anything to say to that. Cry was all I could do at that point.

2AM rolls around and I can feel my eyelids growing heavy. I couldn’t stare at the empty TV screen any longer. My body feels weak and tired all of the sudden. I was so hurt. Our anniversary is meant to be special. And he missed it. I drag myself into the bedroom, feeling defeated and broken.

☀ ☀ ☀

The next morning, Karl rings the doorbell. I flutter my eyes open to the sound. The pillow is still a little damp after the tears I shed last night. I was still wearing that nice navy blue dress. I look at the time. 10AM.

Karl promised to help me clean the place up at this time. With a heavy sigh, I walk over to the door. When I open the door, Karl had a smile, but it changes immediately after seeing me.

I must’ve been such a mess.

“Y/N? What happened?” He asks a little concerned. I feel the tears coming again. I feel so hurt that Sebastian would do this to me. Leave me alone during a perfectly planned anniversary night. Why hasn’t he come home yet anyways?

“He didn’t come home.” I say sadly. Karl’s face was horrified. I know he felt so bad for me. I look around the apartment before forcing up a smile.

“I guess I deserve it after all of the things I had done to him.” I say, admitting my mistakes. Maybe this is what I needed to learn that lesson of leaving him alone a lot of the nights.

“You know what, I’ll clean this up myself. I just need to destress at the studio first. Thanks for your help, Karl.” I say. I want to be alone right now. I don’t want to talk to anyone or face anyone right now. Karl only nods.

I cover the food and put them in the fridge. I go into the bathroom, wash myself up, pack a couple of my clothes in, take the sleeping bag and a pillow before leaving the apartment as it is. I gave the bottle of champagne to Karl and head out to my studio.

Sebastian won’t hear anything from me for a few days.

☀ ☀ ☀

I drown myself in the loud music. I sit in front of an empty canvas, staring blankly at it. Painting was what I can do to let my feelings out. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t find the mood to paint. Couldn’t find the strength to paint.

Because if I do pick up that brush, it reminds me of the mistakes I would do towards Sebastian. Always getting lost in them and forgetting about him. Now that I actually want to forget about him, I couldn’t.

It was a lesson I had to learn the hard way. I wished he picked another day to do that to me. Not last night. I’m so heartbroken by his actions. I don’t want to face anyone right now. I need to be alone.

4PM comes and my phone starts buzzing like mad. I keep on seeing Sebastian’s face on the screen every five minutes. I always left it to voicemail. He sent me over 50 messages and missed call me 47 times by the time 9PM rolls around.

I pace back and forth in the studio, cranking my music louder to stop myself from picking up that phone. I would sometimes just lie down in that sleeping bag and stare up at the ceiling. Even with my loud music playing through the stereo, that ring tone felt even louder.

It’s silly. If he knows me well, he would have known where I would be. But I suppose not. I pick up the brush again, trying to make myself lost in the painting to forget him. I need to sort my feelings out.

My hands shiver and I drop it. I cry into my hands, unable to find that normal feeling of being lost in both music and painting. How could I? When reality is right behind me? His payback had come on the wrong day and I was so hurt by it. I can’t believe he would do this to me.

I know I was wrong. I also made up for it before he left. But I guess it wasn’t enough. He needed to deliver that revenge on me, nonetheless.

Out of nowhere, I hear a loud crash through my music. I quickly turn my music off and wait to listen for the crash again from outside of my room. The door suddenly bursts open with Sebastian breathing heavily. I was caught off guard when he flew himself into me. He picks me up and holds me. I look at him surprised and almost couldn’t breathe from how tight he is holding me.

“Y/N! I’m so sorry. Oh my God. I’m so sorry. I’m such an ass. I really am sorry.” Sebastian says to me with a shaking voice.

I didn’t know how to process this. He shows up out of nowhere and mumbles into my hair. I froze. I didn’t know what to do. He continues to mumble into my hair and apologizing to me over and over again while his arms continues to hold me in place.

“Please… Y/N. I’m so sorry. I was an idiot. It was my fault, Y/N. I’m so sorry…” His tone is full of regret.

It was enough to make the tears fall again. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face into his neck. I sob into the crook of his neck. Our bodies are shaking together as we held each other tightly.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I really am. I’m so sorry… Please don’t leave me. Please don’t. Please…” He begs me through my hair. I started to hiccup from how much and how hard I was crying. When pulls himself away, I land a loud slap across his cheek once.

He didn’t seem surprised by it. He was expecting it, as a matter of fact. He looks at me and I slap him once again. I know I shouldn’t do that, but I was still mad. I was crying, but I was angry too.

“I’m sorry, Y/N… Please don’t leave me.” He begs again, wiping my tears away. I sniff in and try to stop myself from being such a mess. I was happy to see him again after a long while after all. Seeing how much he regretted the way he treated me is more than enough for me to forgive him. Plus, that two slaps also helped.

“You ass! Do you know how hurt I was?? How could you?!” I yell at him. His wet eyes staring at me guiltily.

Without another word, I press my lips against his. I taste the saltiness of my tears and the sweetness of his lips that I’ve been missing so much. He returns it back as though he was afraid that I had disappeared from him forever. We lay in each other’s arms for quite a while in that studio.

Our foreheads were resting against each other. We relish on the feelings of seeing each other again after a while. Sebastian’s arms never letting me go. I didn’t plan on letting him go either.

“I’m sorry, Y/N…” He whispers again. I shake my head.

“I’m sorry, Sebastian.” I say instead. He kisses me one more time. Soft and loving. We pull away from the kiss and finally smile at each other.

“Happy belated Anniversary, Y/N.” He whispers. He plants a kiss on my forehead. Oh yeah. I didn’t say it to him either since he hung up the phone on me before I could even wish it.

“Happy belated Annivesary, Sebastian.” I say, closing my eyes to the sensation of his warm lips against my forehead.

☀ ☀ ☀

“I thought you were cheating on me.” Sebastian speaks up as we drive back home. I shoot him a hurtful look. How could he think of that?

“Why would you even think of that??” I shout at him. He raise his shoulder up to shield away from most of my angry voice. He was driving, so he couldn’t protect his ears with his hands.

“Fiona sent me a picture of you and Karl entering our apartment two nights ago. I was so hurt and upset and started believing it. You walked out of Karl’s apartment after I went to look for you in the studio remember? That’s why I started thinking that.” He answers guiltily.

I stare at him. Now I’m angry that he would even think of such a ridiculous thing. If anything I am cheating on him with my paintings. I spend more time with them than I do with Sebastian. But that is a joke for another time.

“How could you?? Not even asking me first? That’s why you didn’t talk to me all day yesterday and ignored my texts.” I say, bringing up that pain again. I fold my arms across my chest while looking out the window. We pull up to a stop light. He rests his hand on my thigh before sighing out.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I know I shouldn’t suspect you. But the late nights and what not, it was just more than enough to convince me. Though, I should have known you better. You’d never do that to me.” He says.

“Damn right I would never! You don’t trust me enough as your girlfriend or what?? You know I love you so much! Why would you ever think that I would betray you??” I shout at him again. He presses himself into the car door to get away from my shouting voice.

“I know. I was stupid and tired. I’m sorry, Y/N.” The guilt in his eyes melts my heart. I sigh out and look away from him once again.

“What were you doing not coming home until 4PM?” I ask him, still looking out the window. There was a bit of silence.

“I did went out to drink with the boys. I wanted to get drunk so I’d forget about that picture. I passed out and crashed over at Chris’s. I didn’t wake up until it was around 2PM. We both got lunch and I headed home after.”

Okay. That is convincing. That happened to him several times before.

“So, what made you think that I wasn’t cheating on you then?” I ask, curious.

“When I got home, I rang on the doorbell. When you didn’t answer, Fiona comes out and asks me if you were home. She hinted at me to check in Karl’s apartment. I did. When he opened the door, I narrowly avoided Karl’s punch. He called me an asshole and to go and find you.” He says as he starts driving again.

I look at him, checking his face to make sure that Karl didn’t actually hurt him. Sebastian’s face is precious, Karl. Don’t do that, he’s an actor after all.

“Fiona then started accusing Karl of sleeping with you. Then he cleared things up. He made me open the door to our home and that’s when I saw the decorations. Fiona felt terrible and apologized profusely. I started ringing your phone over and over again. Left you those messages. I waited for a couple of hours, hoping you’d come home. When I checked our bedroom, I noticed most of your clothes were missing, so I went out to look for you.”

My heart grows heavy. I did the wrong thing to leave, but what could have I done anyways? If Karl and Fiona hadn’t come out and cleared out that misunderstanding, would Sebastian have believed that I wasn’t cheating on him if he heard it coming from my own mouth?

“I drove over to your workplace, but you weren’t there. I looked around town for you. Then I remembered your studio, so I went there. You have no idea how terrible I felt for thinking about that. I didn’t know how you’d react when you see me since I did that to you. It was unforgivable.”

“You’re damn right it was.” I say simply with that hurtful tone.

“I’ll make it up to you, Y/N. I promise. It was a terrible mistake. I should have never doubted you. You never doubted me when I had to do scenes with other women. I don’t know why I did when I saw you with another man like that. I’m really sorry…”

I remain quiet. I remember those days of how Sebastian would come home feeling guilty after doing sex scenes with other women. But I reassured him that it was fine. I didn’t mind, it was his job. I know he was a loyal and faithful kind of guy. I had no reason to suspect him of cheating on me.

So to be accused of cheating by him felt so painful to me.

We pull up into the parking spot. Without a warning, he pulls my face over to look at him. His eyes determined and fierce.

“Y/N. I promise you. I’ll never do that stupid thing ever again. I can’t and don’t want to ever lose you, you hear me? I love you and only you. I should have never doubted you and I never will after this.” He says seriously. I was taken aback. I didn’t know how to respond.

But those words did reassure me. I nod slowly. He kisses my lips once before running his fingers through my hair.

“Let’s get up and get to bed. We’re both tired.”

I agree. I want to feel Sebastian’s arms around me again as we fall asleep. I still haven’t forgotten how much I missed him over that week of falling asleep alone. He was my teddy bear after all.

☀ ☀ ☀

“Holy cow! This is so amazing!!” He yells excitedly while holding up the painting. I smile sheepishly at him, watching how excited he got after seeing it. He stares at it in awe.

“Do you like it?” I ask him while eating up the heated up dinner from last night. He looks up at me, eyes sparkling.

“Like it?? I love it!” Sebastian says before leaning over the table to kiss my forehead. I chuckle to his lips.

“I’m glad you do.” I sigh out in relief deep inside. I’m glad he did like it. After giving him so much space themed presents, I thought he’d be bored by it, but no. I’m glad he still likes them.

“And here, is for you.” He says, handing over a paper bag. I look at him surprised. He still got me gifts even when he’s filming? His smile is so sweet.

“What is it?” I ask while taking the paper bag. Inside, there’s a single rose with a small present as well. I pick up the rose, it has a writing on it.

I may be a movie star, but there is no star brighter than you, Y/N. Happy Anniversary. I love you. –Basty

I tear up a little before laughing. That was clever and sweet at the same time.

“Thank you, baby.” I say before picking up the little present. In it is a bracelet with hand-made charms. They are painted little objects and movie logos that I love. They are a little wonky here and there, but that could only mean…

I look up at him.

“I tried it the best I could. I’m not as talented as you, but I hope you like it nonetheless.” He says while laughing a little nervously.

I loved it. Every wonky and crooked look to each of the charms. It was so him. He knows what I like and made the effort to paint them by himself, even on top of his busy schedule. How thoughtful of him. I laugh before slipping the bracelet on.

“I don’t ever want to take it off. Thank you, love.” I say while dangling it around. It even makes such a nice noise. I love it. I walk over to him and give him a loving kiss against his cheek. He smiles and pulls me down on his lap so he could kiss my lips.

“Next time you can teach me how to paint. I always loved your galaxy paintings. I’d like to try one myself.” He says while holding me tightly against him. I smile and close my eyes.

“Yeah. Then we can paint something together and put it up.” I say. He nods and rests his cheek against the crown of my head.

“Sounds great. I’d love that very much.” He says sweetly. I nod agreeing to him.

“But for now...” He picks me up in his arms and bring us towards the bedroom.

“Your teddy bear is hungry for his honey. Especially after not having it for over a week.” Sebastian says with a flirting tone. My heart flutters at the mention of that, knowing well enough what he meant. I poke his cheek with a finger before chuckling.

“How would teddy bear like his honey today?” I wink flirtatiously back at him.

★ ★ ★

A/N: There you go! I hope you guys enjoyed this one shot. Thank you so much for those who have followed me and enjoyed my stories. It truly makes my day. I will bring more stories in the future when I can, I promise! Thank you again for all of your support, you guys. I appreciate every single one of them.

Till next story! Much love. <3

Tag(s): @shamvictoria11 @bluewaves997

#sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan #reader #sebastian stan fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #angst #fluff #seb stan

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