#bc so many people in my life have lied and said nothing was wrong or I didn’t do anything

[gurugirl]

kinda a personal question but i’m 23 and still a virgin… is that weird? I was talking with someone and it kinda threw off the whole vibe. We were at a party together and he asked what’s my body count.. and I told him truthfully (maybe i should’ve lied?) But only because I like him so I was honest. And he kinda just stood there and stared a me for a few seconds and then laughed and asked “are you serious?” and then I told him i just never crossed that line yet with anyone I dated and he kinda was just quiet for almost a minute like processing it?? and then said “that’s cool I respect that” ??? and then he changed the subject but I left right after answering his next question… and I know everyone has their own timeline and what makes them comfortable etc but it kinda made me feel like I need to be having sex yk?

Oh hon! I’m sorry you feel this way at all. Society is so confusing when it comes to women having sex. If you do it too much you’re a slut. If you don’t do it enough you must be prude. Like… and then on top of that it’s fetishized to be a virgin and you have some men that fantasize about that kind of thing. So it’s not you who is weird. You being a virgin isn’t weird. What’s weird is why any woman’s sex life is anyone’s business outside of who she chooses to share it with.

Sooo… i do also find it interesting that he asked you how many people you’ve slept bc it kind of sounds like you don’t know him all that well. That kind of question in the setting you describe (as I understood it) seems out of place and maaaaybe a liiiitle inappropriate (I mean you two could’ve been talking dirty to each other and heavily flirting for all I know so then maybe it wasn’t out of place?). I’m glad you answered him honestly though because it’s never going to be a good idea to lie about that to a potential partner. And I also don’t think the answer should make a difference to anyone looking for a partner.

Who knows why he responded to you that way. It does sound like he was surprised. I’m just curious to know why he asked you this.

In the end you should always be the one in control of when you have sex or don’t. And it really shouldn’t be anyone’s business anyway. The overly intrusive need to know about a woman’s sex life makes us all feel like our body count (or lack thereof) should somehow be something to be ashamed of.

I’m sorry I don’t really have advice. This is just my take on it. I hope you can feel confident about the choices you make. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex when you’re ready ❤️

Xoxo

#ask

[just-another-author-i-guess]

Why I’ve been gone? (:

Hi! Hello, I hope everyone is having a good summer and such. This is kinda an update? On my life and such bc I feel bad going ghost all the time.. lol. This is going to be a bit of a rant about some personal issues and stuff, so if you feel like you’re not mentally ready or something to get into other people’s problems, I understand so well and please don’t read, but I hope you have a nice day (; anyway, let me get into it.. cause a lot of stuff happened for me I think, and honestly I don’t know where else to get it out than here lol. So I hope this kinda puts into perspective why I go ghost so much.

So… I sorta just, had a bit of a breakdown and I didn’t show up to any of my exams. And yk, of course I got kicked out of school. I don’t even really mind that much because I REALLY didn’t want to go there anymore lol, but my family was so disappointed. And I had to tell them I just dropped out because they would literally disown me if I said I got kicked out 🤨 so that’s just been, pretty stressful living with all my own lies lol. And it’s totally my own fault too 💀

Anyways, I also just last month got diagnosed with autism and adhd and I kinda did have lt suspicions but it’s just.. it’s a lot honestly, because even though it doesn’t really change anything I feel like I have to live with a diagnosis. I don’t know, but I’m glad I at least got a good explanation for why I do some silly and goofy things sometimes 😀

The last thing I don’t want to get into too much.. because it’s still kinda fresh I suppose? But I really need to get it off my chest soooo 🧍🏻‍♀️But, I got bullied like A LOT in eight grade, very fun yk it really gave me some silly ass self esteem issues but it is what it is. Anyways, two of my really good friends bullied me too then, or at least I felt like they were part of it. But that’s just from my perspective, I kinda got over it because they’re my oldest friends and I feel like stuff went back to normal (a lot of time has passed I’m obviously not in eighth grade no I’m eighteen 😸) but, idk it’s still kinda just a not so nice memory. And I feel like we all apologized to each other and it’s fine and all.. but then I was joking a lot about it because that’s what you do when you don’t wanna process something yk. And they got really really mad at me and said that they never bullied me and that I gaslight them into thinking they did and whatever. And I feel so fucking bad because first off I didn’t even know I did that? I don’t feel like I’m doing that? But uhhh.. idk, maybe I am really tone deaf or something. But the point is that they said I keep playing victim and they did nothing wrong, and I CANNOT handle confrontation so I just apologized a lot? Because I feel terrible? But also.. it felt like I just apologized for getting bullied which like, it has even taken me SO MUCH to admit that I did get bullied. The whole situation just left a sour taste in my mouth cause they were being weirdly defensive and I just.. idk it just suck balls man. After all that, I kinda decided to cut them off. Maybe I am the bad guy here and I’m so fucking sorry, but still, I just don’t think that what they said and did was right either. It sucks losing your oldest friends, it really does. But I’m very lucky to have really kind and supportive friends still, people that really value me and thinks that my thoughts and opinions are valid lol. Idk,,, I’ve just been thinking about this a lot haha 🥸

That was kinda a summary for what I’ve been doing over the summer,,, thank you if you read it, I’m really not asking for pity or anything I just really really really needed to get this off my chest. Because I don’t really confide in ppl bc I’m awkward lmfao.

Anyways, I’ve gotten SO MANY kind messages on how I’m doing and such and I’m so fucking grateful 🥹🥹🥹 thank you so much you guys??? That’s also a part of why I wanted to share this with you, just so yk what’s up. I’ll get started slowly on working on requests again, I’ve gotten so many wonderful requests and I’m actually really excited to write again, cause it’s kinda my passion yk. Thank you so much to anyone who read this! And anyone who supports my works!! I’ll hopefully post again soon and see you then 😁

Love, Author <33

(Also, btw CHARACTER AI YALL?!?? I’ve already made an account and I’ve started making some bots, lemme know if I should drop my account haha)

[babybluebex]

Girl not the baby bump at the oscarsss fhgdjfjfj. Same <3

ok so in total transparency, i'm not totally sure how to answer this ask and proceed with talking (and fantasizing??) about things like reproduction and healthcare in light of recent news.

to the anon who sent this, please understand that you did nothing wrong in sending this to me, i instigated this with my original post that i made before i had learned about the recent alabama supreme court ruling. but since having learned about it, though, i have a LOT of complicated feelings that i need to get off my chest.

from here on, i will be discussing triggering topics all directly related to the recent alabama supreme court ruling. if you do not want to read about that, be my guest and skip this post. the tl;dr of it is basically, i won't be posting anything more about having children for the foreseeable future.

so. if you don't know. if you're new to my blog or just never really knew. hi. i'm based in alabama. i've lived here for many years, but have never really been especially proud to say that i'm "from" here (bc i'm not "from" alabama, i'm "from" missouri, but that's a different can of worms). also, if you were unaware, last week (but it was only widely reported upon on monday, and I recieved the news on wednesday) the supreme court of alabama made a horrific ruling that frozen embryos are now considered children under the state's wrongful death act. if something were to happen to these frozen embryos (for example, the freezer they are being kept in gets turned off and the embryos thaw, thus making them unusable in IVF treatments), the people responsible for that could (and likely WILL) be criminally charged for wrongful death of a minor.

i will not mince words, because i cannot afford to mince words. this is ridiculous. this is plain stupid. and this is dangerous. in what world would a frozen embryo be considered a child? if this is news to you, your next question might be "why would they do this?" well, your answer lies in the direct words from the judge who passed the ruling: (screenshot taken from a new york times article, if you dm me i will GLADLY provide you with links to news articles discussing this more in depth)

it is a RELIGIOUS reason. it is a CHRISTIAN reason. i am still a student, yes, and my main degree is not exactly keyed into these political issues, but my MINOR??? poli sci babes. and even though i have not been awarded my bachelor's degree yet, i have taken TOO many political sciences classes to not be aware of a little thing called separation of church and state. when you study government systems (particularly american government) in ANY capacity, separation of church and state is one of the FOUNDATIONAL things that you are taught. i am at the end of my degree program, i have met all the requirements to receive my minor, and by now, this concept is so ingrained in our minds as students that my professors do not even mention it anymore. you learn this in INTRO LEVEL government classes. i first learned this is HIGH SCHOOL. so why are we letting our government officials disregard this and rule in whatever fucking way they want to and cite whatever the fuck they want to??

but anyway. this post is not meant to be a history lesson or a politics class. just giving you the current background for context, so i can explain my complicated thoughts that were brought up because of this ask.

i am nonbinary, but i do present feminine in my everyday life. even though i do not ascribe to many of the "traditional" thoughts of femininity, i have, for a long time, wanted to be a parent. for a long time, i have wanted to get married and have a family, and i strive for that future.

but now. the specific ruling does not directly effect me, but it's more the thought of what comes next that scares me. there is already a total ban on abortions in my state, and the same judge who said the above quote has said that he wishes to make it a criminal offense to any persons who help a pregnant person seek an abortion. so, let's say for example, if my boyfriend were to drive me across state lines to receive an abortion, he could be charged with a criminal offense. that's so unfathomably absurd to me.

but, because of this, i am quickly becoming turned off from the entire idea of reproducing at all. pregnancy scares me, because, in the likely event that my own health does not allow for a safe pregnancy (long story short, because of a few health issues, my doctor has told me that it will be difficult, if not highly unlikely, for me to conceive a child naturally), i cannot receive the necessary healthcare required, and any family or partner who helps me do so is then liable. i personally feel (operative word is personally, just because i feel this way does not mean that you have to as well) scared of that happening, of even opening myself up to that possibility. even fantasizing about becoming pregnant fills me with fear and anxiety, because, as much as i want to be able to detach myself from it and be like "oh having this person's baby <3" and write fiction about it, my anxiety will not let me detach from reality.

so. for the time being, until i can process these feelings and the fear better, i think i'm gonna refrain from writing/posting about having children/pregnancy/things of that nature. it's no longer a sweet little fantasy for me; this ruling sets a precedent, a dangerous precedent, and if this is the fear that i feel from something that does not directly effect me at the present moment, i could not tell you how i would feel when (not if, when) the state i reside in puts in even harsher and more damaging laws.

so yeah. idk. that's just sorta where my head is at rn.

#bex answers #anon ask

[goth-oatmilk-latte]

you cannot sit here and ugly cry im leaving when you refused to change. not once, ever, in this relationship was i ever a priority or did i ever have you to myself. you lusted after your friends, past flings, coworkers, my friends, sex workers, the list goes on. all while gaslighting me when i caught on. remember babe, people who aren't guilty dont look constantly make baseless accusations. innocent people dont hide behind doors and delete messages and followers. partners who arent cheating dont make fake accounts to stalk their partner so they can "find them out." i never had anything to hide, but you always did. you always hid everything and i always found out. you just always hoped I was pulling the same shit so youd come out clean.

i was a second choice you got stuck with. i gave you many times and you never changed because your ego is simply far too big.

and remember, too, that innocent people dont drunkenly destroy the house and punch a door so hard they fracture their hand.

i was mad i was lied to, gaslit, cheated on, manipulated, and left to believe i was a bad partner. you were mad i got fed up with how you treated me and that i finally got tired of it all.

i spent months trying to work out what i did wrong. what i could have done better. all i ever did wrong was trust you. I trusted you when you said i was the only one. i trusted you on social media, i trusted you texting, i trusted you talking to my friends and yours. i cant learn anything here because there isnt a lesson to learn. i shouldnt have to say i can be the only person in your life, that isnt feasible. but you should have had the integrity for me to be the only one you flirted with, had nudes of, kissed, fucked, etc. it is unreasonable for me as a partner to demand you to tell you to forego friendships and social medias, but it isnt unreasonable for me to expect monogamy when it was clearly defined.

you will never change. no matter how many chances i give you, how much i do, how much i love. your ego is too big and you feel entitled to every woman you find attractive. so go to them. i refuse to walk on eggshells in my own home over nothing. i refuse to constantly worry about if im being cheated on. i refuse to give up friendships bc you know if roles were reversed, youd be cheating on me with your friends. but not me.

marry a dumb girl. marry a girl who will let you cheat. marry all those sex workers. marry my friends or yours or your coworkers.

marry anyone but me.

[megbonney]

this year has felt way too fast because i realise for 80% of it i was getting mentally rotted by men. let's do a wrapped (of the ones i haven't forgotten).

EBF: first bf for like 2 years. i cut off my best friend under his influence. tried to convince me they were grooming me. tried to convince me i wasn't genderfluid. tried to get his therapist to therapise me. tried to get me to see a therapist. dropped out of school and had virtually no ambition. i had to pretend to be straight infront of his friends. accused me of cheating on him with one of said friends. i felt like he was cheating on me with my "friend" at the time. i had no one besides him. he was attached to me like a parasite and i hated it. dumped him. couldn't handle just staying friends. also killed my self image. went celibate after. oh and he went thru my dms bc that's totally normal. cancer man. 2. RICHIE RICH: was into him during "friends" stage with EBF. met on ow but never really played together. went to a private roman catholic school. led me on. sent me music recs but they were too indie for my teen angst at the time. "friend" made me let her follow him bc she's weird. he didn't see anything wrong with it despite my discomfort. got sick of it bc he was stringing me on and blocked me for being upset. also was confused as to why i wasn't able to go shopping every wknd and didn't understand why i wanted a job bc he was privileged and had an allowance. i tried to meet up but he folded. followed me back on insta 2 or so weeks ago. we haven't spoken. goofy 3. COWORKER: met at first shift. i called him pretty bc that's the only word to rlly describe him and he told other coworkers i tried to ask him out. shorter than me. played war thunder. was really sweet at first. suddenly had coworkers asking if i'd date him. realised he was running his mouth. we watched fury and bladerunner 2077 together. began going dry after i told him i was moving. started being a dickhead. started telling coworkers i was a lesbian. i tried to sort it out but he tried to gaslight me about it. i think he quit atp. good riddance 3. NARC: 23 or 21 yr old man idk. bastion main. had a gf i didn't know abt. treated me like a gf. had an entire fake life. claimed to be a "narcissist and compulsive liar." talked abt his ex the entire time. very degrading. i found his ig and he was actually ugly af. only good thing was that he wasn't codependent. ghosted him after he went dry on me when i got my period. msged his gf and it's been like a month or two without a response. he bought me nitro tho so that was sick. 4. FURRY: was friends with him at the same time as NARC. he also knew about COWORKER because it was roughly right as we met. wanted to be a musician and twitch streamer. 19. balding. had a mommy kink but tried to make me sub. gained feelings for me. i friendzoned him. then he tried to say he was in love a week later. he was parasite #2. friends with MANCHILD. double texted all the time. gooner. cut him off. tried to create tension between fig and i. into the weirdest shit i've ever seen. objectified me. genuinely liked oliver tree. also bought me nitro. 5. MANCHILD: turned 20 like last week. had a gf. never hung out with her. spent everyday hanging out with fig and i. was too stupid so him and fig argued often. tried to make me mediate. most stressful time of yr. i bought him 2 games and he lied to his gf about where he got them from. he also lied about why he got rdr2. backseat gamed everything. whiny. asked me how many fingers i could fit on vc at 2am. also asked me if i'd ever have a 4sum with fig . is now insisting i trapped him because i told people about what happened. 6. CURRENTLY: nothing! i probs forgot some things but a funny thing to note was that i know every guy on this lists' names and most info about them. it was also hard because i wanted to keep all of them approx the same length. happy 2023 ?

[mmmaruda]

I need to get this of my chest. My parents have had enough of listening to me saying the same shit over and over again.

I feel like nobody talks about this enough. I'm almost an adult yet I haven't experienced being desired by someone romantically. I naver hold hands kissed, texted with someone or even had a crush. I kinda accepted that theres a big chance of me being aromamtic but just because i am aro doesnt mean i want to be. Theres nothing wrong with being aro but I want to know how it feels. How its possible that one person makes someone so happy, I want to feel that. I want to be desired, to have someone that appriciates me and maybe an ego bust. Idk about being in a relationship but someone having a crush on me or smh. To confirm that Im lovable. Of course I'm still young and have plenty time to experience it but I feel like it will never happen. I want to feel wanted, to have someone that cherished me. To have a deeper connection. Maybe the issue lies in me being unlikeable? The last time I had someone I could call my best friend I was in primary school. I have friends, I'm just never their first option. We mostly see each other at school, but when we do go out I just know we don't click. I sit there all day waiting to go home. I feel very often sad and frustrated because of this. I'm not seeking a romantic relationship but a platonic one. Yet I'm still unsuccessful in finding both. People say that you find love when you dont try, it comes naturally. That I need to focus on myself but when I do this I only see my classmates and family so where would it even come from. I have a big problem with meeting new people. I don't know how to do it. For the past 3 years I have been working on myself. Since then I can actually talk to someone without stressing out and crying. I signed up for multiple events in my school just to meet new people and it never happens. I'm so lost, i dont know what to do. In primary school I felt fulfilled because I was around people I genuinely liked. They made me happy, my life didnt revolve around them but they were making my everyday life nicer. Still we werent that close and we lost contact. We dont call, meet, or even write to each other. Some of them met their current partners and just gave up on friends. People prioritising romantic relationships over platonic are shallow and fell victim of patriarchy. It seems like by society our only goal in life is to find a romantic partner, get married and have kids. Even if it's someone lgbt who cant have bio children, people still expect them to find their "other half", because it's "how life works". I feel like I'm never going to love anyone and nobody is going to love me. I have this one closer friend that always has my back just like I have theirs but they're always so busy with other people. It hurts honestly so much. Like half a year ago we went to see spiderverse since and I decided to be bold. I asked them If I could videocall them that night because I had so many thoughts after the movie. But they said that tonight they had already made plans with someone else. There's nothing wrong with it but at that moment it hit me. They're always doing something and I can never make plans with them because of it. I value them more then they value me. I'm not their first choice person. I was also restraining myself from becoming to close/depended on them because in the past being too clingy made me lose friends. So why everyone has someone close and I don't. Why I don't have someone I could do matching bracelets with or pfp. I'm a filler person. I here just because not bc anyone wants me. I want to make more irl friends but I don't know how. I know it's not my personality or looks but something is wrong with me. I think it's because I miss a lot of social clues but idk. I just want friends.

#relationship #frienship #lonliness #mental health #what do i do #im a loser fr

[pufferfishguy44]

*taylor swift song title*

yes that’s the title

LI: love interest

MC: maine character

MC-H- hero identity specifically

MC-C- civilian identity specifically

sorry about typos, there will be many

*taylor swift song title*

in which a long standing city superhero must learn how to trust and love after losing many of the people in their life, and living a dual personality for decades

nb/nb

first person/switching perspective

angsty adult is seen breaking up with someone, walking out of the room, jumping out the window and flying/swinging/zooming/kachowing superhumanly away

switch to

mind-numbingly angsty teen is seen losing

parental figure/lover/someone important and absolutely losing it.

flash back and forth from adult to teen until their stories converge into one person, now u have backstory

LETS 👏 DO 👏ABANDONMENT 👏 AND 👏TRUST 👏IISSUUEESS 👏 HELL YEAHH

pt. 2

adult hero with A👏BAN👏DON👏MENT issues is bitter and stuck in their ways. sure nothing is going to change, especially since the death of their soulmate, they’ve lost all hope, becoming more and more brutal in their methods of vanquishing villains and criminals. morally grey, only stopping crime bc they feel its their job

NEW POV enter: well meaning, but clumsy, ND, love interest, who is a new hire at the workplace of the civilian identity. CI=head of big company maybe? high ranking big job bro? possibly assistant to MC-C. bubbly and naïve, but also demonstrates incredible information recognition skill, proves to be cool under pressure, VERY STRONG SENSE OF JUSTICE, biggest fan of MC-H

slowly grows on MC-C, despite annoyance at first

fluff scene, fluff scene, daily routine, fluff scene ALTERNATING POV’S THROUGHOUT

holy shit look LI is cAtChiNg fEeLiNgs and

MC is too, but is super scared and wont admit it. no no no i always hurt ppl, etcetera, im a burden blah blah blah, keeps trying to distance themself yadada bUT LI keeps pushing the two of them closer, even if it’s totally by accident and LI’s just autistic lmao.

PART THREE!!!

LI, finds out the secret identity of MC by accident, confrontation, omg its you aaahh!!! my hero!! holy shit!! MC takes this as disgust (?? gay ppl are dumb dont ask me), panicks and distances themself, and in the panic and lack of control, trauma from losing first love, breaks up and leaves. 😮. noone physically sees them for two, three agonising weeks

LI’s bsf has to listen to this, she’s the bisexual fat POC icon who runs the goddamn world while providing comic relief for you poor sluts out there

annnnd thats the end

just kidding!

angsty angsty angsty angst intensifies, both of them torn up, its my fault its my fault waaah i have the mindset of a 15 year old who failed drivers ed aeaeaeaeaeaeae

MC: mumford & sons i fucked it up this time

LI: youre hot and youre cold youre yes and youre no, but i cant stop loving you oh whoa

youre in and youre out youre up and youre down, but needless to say im hooked. *epic pop-punk ballad*

LI’s perspective:

theyre never coming back theyre never coming back theyre never coming back theyre never coming back theyre never coming back oh shit wait they came back

*apologies*

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!!

“im so sorry it was all my fault i never should have fallen for you in the first place. i always end up hurting more people than i save. you should forget all about me and go on to live the best life you can. i do nothing but wrong people, please just walk away whilst you can. i-

*gets kissed*

“what are you doing??”

“what you told me to.”

“i said to go live your life!!”

“you are my life”

“why?”

“because i really like you, dummy. was that not obvious??”

“you what?? but all i’ve done- i’m not- you like me??” (a/n: this fuckin teenager)

“of course. i know you havent been perfect, but neither have i. we’re human-“

*look of objection*

“dont start, alien. just because you can kachow around doesnt mean you have to have everything figured out. you need time to figure out how to love again, and im willing to be there for the whole journey, be it the good, the bad or the extraterrestrial.”

achievement unlocked: therapy

montage of fights, and makeups, smut and breakups, both loving with their whole broken souls, each trying to heal the other, until the day they die

post credits scene: we find out LI ran a blog about MC-H’s activity, analysing every fight, rescue and recovery to see the evolution of the hero.

new post about how the MC-H fighting style is much different than anything else theyve seen in the past, maybe the MC-H finally met somebody ;)

and fucking scene jesus christ my wrist hurt and ive been writing over an hour holy shit this was supposed to be a two sentence idea for a plot

#fuck gender #ocs #superhero

[ambrrdumpling]

What have I become?

A lier. A dirty lier.

A selfish person.

A person with no trust.

A person who expects greatness and adoration even while holding so many lies (Sure I did give dumpling gifts, food, drove her places, and planned travel vacations but none of this matters if you are not truthful)

For some reason it never came to mind that if I am not truthful 100% with her that she will think that I will hook up with someone, or cheat on her, or deceive her and at the end LEAVE HER and just use her. Thinking back, I believe this is what destroyed my relationship with dumpling. I’m sure she had thoughts about me being unfaithful and just using her for pleasure and nothing else but that. I have to say it was not the case. I lied bc I really loved her but in a selfish way. I believed she would never be with me when still married with Amy and so I lied about every single thing after that so it would never come back to me. At first I said I was divorced which was still bad in my mind but somehow she was okay with that. Then I was afraid she would find out I was still married bc I thought she would not accept me. I was so wrong about that. BUT even though I was married I was in the process of getting divorced it just took so much work to do that. I wish divorces were fast but they really are complicated and hard work. HOWEVER main reason why I did not want to get divorced quite yet is because I was fighting to get money out of Amy from betraying me this way bc I helped her all throughout school and supported her with all of my ability by giving up on things I cherished and wanted to accomplish. She cheated on me and I was spiteful and I wanted revenge. (more on the revenge later bc I was with my ex wife pretending to be with her after she cheated on me for a while) (It was easy to do this bc we did not see each other everyday).  

Anyways, Dumpling had a long session with me and made me realize I needed to end this quickly so I started to talk about just ending the marriage without anything. That’s when Amy for some reason decided to give me some money for my troubles.

But honestly was this revenge even worth it? I think no. It just caused dumpling pain that I had to postpone this divorce more and more bc my exwife was pushing back the divorce for many reasons. She was being lazy, missed me at times especially drunk called me, and always called me after a fight with her new boyfriend (the guy she cheated on me with). Plus this was such a horrible thing to do for my mental health having her call me every time and crap. Oof.

The reason my marriage failed was Amy was abusive towards me. She used to yell at me daily and wish I was taller or smarter or useful (I am not a good cook). I tried cooking dishes but she would yell at me when I failed. She really wanted a perfect bf and I could not give her that at that time. I felt bad and I was trying my best to do what she wanted but I realized trying my best was work rather than me trying to make her feel happy. It was more of a chore than anything else. She was always wanting to have more fun and enjoy the high life. She had a friend who was a sugarbaby and she was like ooo lets create a page of me and see how many people hit on me and ask me for stuff maybe I can go on “dates” with them and see if they pay for me. I was not in agreement with this and I told her to delete it. This was around 2017. Later on right after marriage I come to find out that this page of her was still active as I saw her email (at this time she became strangely defensive of me using her phone which I found odd). She keeps most of her logins about the same so I knew most of her pws (idk why she used the common ones) Anyways, I saw her there which makes sense BUT the problem was that she had NEW PICTURES of her that I recently took (just weeks old). It was horrible to think about but I never confronted her of this even though I knew it was my way out. Idk why I did not break up with her. Idk why I didn’t just confront her. I think I just wanted to keep talking to her......so I just went to the strip club and had a dance with a lady. I basically cheated on her but ofc its just touching no kissing or sex. But still. I created a divide between us. I became more and more aloof as the days went by. I used to text her many times a day. Then it became once a day, then every other day, then once a week. 

The next time I saw her she already had more signs of cheating. I saw tinder messages, I saw a weird ass lingerie (which she said she bought for me but didn’t like it so she was throwing away) (I smelled it and it smelled like a man) This was after I came back to her in July. I was not surprised as I already became more distant with her but still showing her affection on the outside. She didn’t know I read her Tinder msgs on her watch bc they were not in her phone for some reason. This time I went crazy. I didn’t give any fcks. I just went out and drank a lot, talked to many people, and I did not do any safe things. I did have a fling with someone for about a month August-Sept. Something I did not tell mamas is that I went to visit Amy basically almost every month. Around September is when I saw she was dating this other dude bc this time I had photo proof that she took and when I finally talked to her about it on March she denied it at first and then said how do you know that? and then finally I did not cheat on you, and then to kicking me out. The reasons why I stayed with her after mamas was just pure revenge. To see how far she would take it which was dumb as I caused unnecessary pain to mamas. My mind was always set on divorcing her but I never brought it up due to revenge. Once I met mamas, I was thinking of actually telling her but Amy beat me to it (I was being evil and trying to make her pay for all of the restaurants we were going to eat). and then tell her at the end of my travels to break up BUT NO she actually did it I think the second day and said “I can’t do this any longer you need to go”. That’s when I was like ooooo but why? what’s going on? anything I can do to fix it? (you know playing dumb for a bit to see if she would confess) [She would never] that’s when I brought up the pictures and confronted her finally. Which at the end she was like we are just friends then switched it to I want you to leave first thing tomorrow then proceeded to go to her friend’s house and sleep there. OOO noo she actually said this the first day I went there. I actually did not sleep with her in the same bed at all. I just remembered that lol my poor memory jeeez. 

Was I hoping to get back with her? hell no

Was I doing it to make her hurt by making her say things first before I tell them to her? hell yeah

Anyways, I flew to my mom’s place...ooo wow I finally remember that too. I also hanged out with my best friends and told them the whole ordeal. They were shocked this whole shabam was going on.

I had another travel vacation I had with Amy and her friends to LA but I didn’t want to go bc there was no point.

Amy later called me before that travel and said maybe she was making a mistake but she does not love me right now so she would like to do therapy. I straight up told her no. I told her about the pictures and she still refused to believe it was cheating. oof.

She told me maybe we can talk things out more in LA. But I was hesitant. I didn’t want to go but at the same time I wanted revenge. I lied to mamas......I told her there was a trip to LA that I could go to but I don’t have to. I didn’t give her the details of the truth but rather lied to her and said they were long time friends (referring to Amy) that I don’t care about or care to reconnect (which is true).  

So when I went there, I sent a message to everyone on Bumble guys and girls to give me a ride and lets explore LA (to make Amy jealous and bitter) and so I succeeded I made 2 friends who are awesome and still have in LA and I made them meet Amy. For the first part of the trip I stayed at a raunchy place bc I did not want to stay at the same place as Amy. I only hanged out with her one day but I made sure that one day would be with the new friends I made. 

The day I met Amy and me and my friends and her friends went to a kbbq place to eat. They bought lots of alcohol. I drank a lot. A LOT. 

Then at night they dropped me off at the place where I live. I wanted to go clubbing bc I like dancing and wanted to chill but I stupidly hit on bumble girls too. Why? Bc I didn’t know how mamas would process the whole truth. I always thought younger people did not want to be with someone who was married or actually STILL married. I mean who would want that. And for her to wait for me? Not a chance! Now did I like mamas? oh yeah! Did I love her? I think back then I tried not to get too close to her bc it might just end in ruins.... (bc I saw her tinder and I was afraid just like Amy she would do the same to me somehow, or somehow just use me for other stuff) (that’s the real reason why I did stupid things on bumble in LA. Just to stroke my ego.) but then right after LA trip I decided to give it my all and give up being dumb with texting other girls. I noticed I was being a dumbass and I did not deserve mamas at all (after she found out and how much pain it caused her) (which its stupid bc I should have been like that ever since we decided to be serious....) so that’s why I decided to give my all to mamas and give her a good time but at the same time try to not spend too much money lol but yes make her enjoy the time with me such as going out to many restaurants and give her boba when she’s feeling down.

Even though I did those bad things especially in the beginning.....I did love her each and every day it became more and more. I really loved our talks. I wanted to get to know her more. I loved that our lives were sort of matching (we were both immigrants who came about the same age here), she could speak Spanish, she is very generous, very accommodating, very gentle, quite good looking. I saw traits in her that were quite fitting for a super role model of a mother. Even though she was young she taught me many things about life. How to take care of myself, how to work hard, how to sleep, how to have fun, how to treat people, how to always wear a smile even on those bad days. I generally enjoyed her presence and I was afraid of what would happen bc there were still lies overshadowing my every steps and I didn’t know how to proceed to tell her everything. I honestly did not think of her feelings which makes me sad. I was just thinking about me. And I think I did that not bc I didn’t love her but bc I was too afraid the story would repeat itself. Even though, I had a fear it might end up badly I still gave it my all. My whole heart, my whole time, my whole essence. 

I’m glad mamas decided to move away from me bc she deserves something better than this horrible monstrosity I created.....If we ever cross paths many years from now that would be awesome but I won’t plan on dreaming about it. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Moving forward I will be very open with whoever I am with bc I learned without honesty there is no trust. There is no relationship. How can you have a relationship with someone if you never get to learn who a person really is? I do not want to be remembered a liar EVER. I am not fake. I did and do love dumpling. It was just my fear that drove me to our end. I will not have fear any longer bc I have learned that through thinking these past weeks that if the girl loves me for me she will accept all of my past errors I have made as I will grow and I’m growing away from this bad energy I created. I will never again lie to someone even if it hurts bc true relationships are built on honesty and trust and I yearn to find someone I can fully love and be fully loved in return by knowing each others outmost selves and know that we will never leave each other. That’s what I am seeking in this world and I hope everyone else in this world can find that for themselves too :)

[magicmayhem54]

There’s a person, Z for story purposes , that I loved with everything I fucking am. A person who once said that I was a dad to them. Nothing sexual about it. I’m 54 and they are 25 at the time of this writing. We had a mutual friend D, who knew them longer than I did. At first, he was nice to me. We were members of the Discord server created by Z Ok now at one time this person said some bad things regarding Z on a Tiktok comment. Now Z is factually the most beautiful person I ever have seen. So a lot of shit comments would fly their way. Well, as a Moderator, I wanted other people to report this guy’s comment. D on the other hand , ultra conservative as he is, was telling me that I act like I’m the only person that can save Z and that other people had a right to say what they wanted to. WTF??? We had a falling out for a short time, made amends to be friends again. Later on Z decides to leave social media altogether and quit talking to everyone. Except for me, D and their IRL friends. Ok all the time I have known Z, it was made perfectly clear to EVERYONE how I felt about them. As mine own child and my heart. So ever since the falling out with D, everything that he and Z ever done, D just had to call me and tell me. He disguised it as just a friendly status report but truly he was flexing on me bc he felt he had to be Z’s #1 go to. Granted he probably was in that he’s probably sent Z thousands in Simp money. Don’t get me wrong, I sent a grand Z’s way too. During this time I sent Z flowers to a stuffie, just to have them thrown in the trash. I wrote hand written letters to have one returned to me and the others probably got tossed out too. Idk but either way, no response. Unanswered phone call on many occasions. Texting dropped. I was told it’s bc of being exhausted and working a lot. There’s no time in a 24 hour day to even text Good Morning. Meanwhile D and Z have been talking about a podcast. NO TIME TO TEXT? Yet phone calls with D?? Z MAKES time for a week long visit with D . Which is a 9 hour drive one way. Fine and dandy , idgaf about it except D had to flex about the visit and how great was to have Z there!! Bastard. I ask him what all they did, oh we talked and drove around Birmingham. Visit was great! Ok at this point I’m done talking so I get off the phone. Ok so Z gets back home, texts me that they’re home safe, which I appreciate it bc I’m thinking I’m still lower case dad here. A week or so goes by and I get a phone call from D again. Flex time. This time he disguised his flexing as “we’re friends and I don’t want to keep it from you” thing. He tells me that they were “intimate” and that Z initiated it. He said that Z said to not say a word to me about it. So it shows that they had prior knowledge that it would destroy me. ( Would you be happy if a friend fucked your daughter?). He told me not to say that he told me. In the meantime I’m dying by the moment. The very next day, Z FINALLY texts me back to tell me that they’re not ignoring my texts or feelings but are dealing with Dads dementia and kidney failing, Moms got cancer and Sister has ED. Well I can sympathize with all of that indeed and I hope the best for all. At this point I tell Z that D spilled the tea about them fucking. Z said it was insignificant and that they were horny, he was there, one and done. That they had zero feelings beyond friendship for D. So no reason to tell me. Wtff?? No reason to fuck him when you know it’s going to fuck me up! Z apologized for the pain it caused me. Then as I lie bleeding from that blow, Z tells me that our friendship is over bc of needing space to deal with family health issues. At this point I’m totally destroyed. I hate D so much!! I’ve written him in my Deathnote. The door is open for Z still. However, I think Z wanted a way to dump me out of their life for a long time. Z never honestly cared . Just lived lies. Lies.

[bubblegumbeyotch]

.

#kinda fucked up that passive aggressiveness is both a trigger for me and one of my learned behaviors #i’m trying to be more forthcoming with how I feel about things because I’ve noticed how much passive aggressive behaviors #both from family members and past partners or friends #have fucked up my ability to take anything at face value #like i’ll notice someone is acting off so I’ll ask are you okay and did i do anything to upset you #and even if they say no I straight up just don’t believe them and blame myself anyway #bc so many people in my life have lied and said nothing was wrong or I didn’t do anything #then later I find out (either from them or someone else) that they were upset at me #and a lot of times it resulted in said person getting mad bc I couldn’t read their mind and know that even though they said they werent mad #they actually were and i was stupid for not knowing even though i asked and they said everything was fine #please just!!! if you’re mad about something just fucking say it!!!! #and then i feel crazy bc i put context where there isn’t any and it’s just been a very hard process to unlearn this #trauma is so fucked up i wish i could just interact with anyone without acting like a fucking freak about it #like i’m tired of feeling delusional bc of this behavior i had to learn to get by #which at the time was perfectly rational bc i was in a consistently toxic environment #but now that i’m largely out of that environment there’s no logical basis for the behavior #but i still have a compulsive need to assume the worst bc that’s what i’ve always had to do #i just need to go to therapy damn #personal #rant #i’m so sorry if you read all of this

[thefallenbibliophilequote]

The Asgardian Way

Loki x Reader

Summary: you get your period on the most unfortunate time- on date night with Loki. Embarrassed as you are of the topic from past experiences with boyfriends, Loki shows you that unlike mortal men- Asgardians view this time of the month for women in a much better way.

Word count: 1,849

Warnings: period talk, fluff, shade on Christianity, some shade on human men, Loki being the ideal boyfriend we all deserve.

A/N: this was requested by @the-departed-potato and while I do not take requests I just really had to do this one because this was like just perfect for me specifically to do. Sorry it took so long! Sorry if this sucks!😅 I also truly had to hold myself back from giving even more shade on Christians of old times because damn I could write a whole essay about those people and how they spread misinformation that changed real history to fake mainly bc of witchcraft. This is not beta read so all mistakes are by yours truly!

No one is allowed to repost my writing or steal or copy my work! Reblog on tumblr is fine.

Masterlist

--

It's been going on for months now, the shameless flirting, the gentleman behaviour, and the devious looks he sent your way that completely contradicted his actions and left you a blushing mess even when he only opened the door for you- then he would wink at you.

It wasn't until one night that you gathered up courage to ask him out.

You were staying late at the Avengers Tower, you wanted to finish working on the new gadget you had built with Tony at the lab so he sent you to bring the two of you some coffee- he knew it was useless to tell you to go home and sleep- last time he tried to do it you called him a hypocrite and conditioned one of his suits to blast him if he gets close to you. You found it hilarious. He made sure to update the security of his code.

You went to the kitchen when you happened to overhear a conversation of two gods.

"Why have you not taken her on a date yet, brother?"

"I wish to court her properly, she deserves to be treated like a lady." You heard Loki respond to his brother. You leaned on the wall, trying not to get hopeful and to get the butterflies to calm down.

"Y/N is a fine lady, however, I heard from Stark that midgardian women might mistake courting like ours as mere jest." You smiled a bit at the scoff they both let out.

"Mortals continue to baffle me." Came Loki's comment, before Thor continued- not letting the subject go.

"Ask her on a date, I'm sure she will appreciate it." He encouraged his brother who wasn't as sure.

"I think, brother, that she is different- she will appreciate the old delicate arts of courting." He was not wrong- you were always old fashioned. But now at his admission, you stepped out of the shadows and into their view.

"While I do appreciate the courting, I'd love it if you would ask me out." Loki turned around at the sound of your voice.

"How long have you been standing there, darling?" he fidgeted with his hair.

"Long enough," you stepped down the stairs to stand in front of him. "What do you say about this Friday night at six? There is an art exhibit at the museum, I think you'll like calling out all the inaccuracies."

"Yeah, I'd like that." He gave you a small shy smile, and you completely forgot about Thor who stood on the side, watching it all unfold.

"This is great," he said. "You two are finally going on that date, see brother I told you-"

Thor stopped when he looked at Loki who sent him daggers at ruining the moment. You only chuckled.

"I have to go get Tony and I some drinks, so I guess I will see you then." You were about to turn around to head towards the kitchen when Loki took your hand in his, making you turn around, then he kissed the back of your hand lightly, bowing with a small smile at the blush on your cheeks.

"I look forward to it."

It took you a couple of second to function after he did that, mumbling a quiet goodbye you turned around and refused to look back at the smirking god.

•

You have gone with the god for a couple of dates now and then, sometimes you didn't see him for a whole week because of meetings in Asgard and while you were sad that you didn't get to see him-you were glad he was gone on that exact week every time.

You have been seeing him for about 2-3 months now and it was great- up until your period decided to come early. Right on your scheduled date.

You were nervously pacing your apartment thinking how to tell Loki that you can't go out with him tonight. You didn't want him to see you like this- he is a god, and you- you are a mortal woman who was having trouble getting out of bed because your body decided to punish you for not being pregnant this month.

Your body was so sexist.

Suddenly, a knock on the door.

Groaning, you got out of bed and headed for the door, checking who was there you were puzzled when you saw Loki there, dressed to the nines. Surely you didn't waste so much time, he must be early.

"Dear, are you okay there?" he called you.

"Yes, I'm fine- just a moment!" you tried to make yourself look presentable in a rush just so you could open the door to the dashing prince who was awaiting you.

You opened the door with a smile, which he returned.

You were used to acting like you were okay while your cramps were killing you from the inside but it seems like the god of lies could not be so easily fooled.

"Hi Loki, I was not expecting you this early." You laughed courtly, "And I was actually meaning to call- I'm not feeling so well today, I'm afraid I have to postpone our date tonight."

Loki walked into your apartment, kissing you on the cheek before pulling back to study you.

"I wanted to see you sooner, so here I am. But now that I am here- well tell me what is wrong, dearest?" he frowned when he saw you slightly clench your fists.

"Oh, I'm just not feeling well, I won't be good company and I won't be able to enjoy a lovely night with you I'm afraid."

"I'm a healer my love; you always seem to forget my magic," he smirked slightly causing you to laugh- which was not good right now for you.

"I remember your magic powers very well when you prank me." You countered. "But no, this is not something you need to worry about."

He reached out and took your hand with a small laugh. The door locked itself with a wave of his hand as he took you to the couch.

"I'm afraid you will have to do better than that to fool the god of lies." He took both of your hands in his and you were sure he could see your embarrassment with the way he was gazing into your eyes, "Now tell me, what is wrong?"

"You really don't need to- it's kind of embarrassing-" you started to mumble, lowering your head.

"I'm still here, aren't I? What kind of man will I be if I am not taking care of those I care about?"

You pulled your hands away from him, embarrassed as you mumbled something he couldn't quite put together.

"What was that?"

"I'm on my period." You closed your eyes- not wanting to see his disgusted look. "See, so you don't need to be here, I can take care of it myself and we can reschedule our date to a week from now."

It was not a problem to you- you knew the drill- but having to explain it to a clueless god felt humiliating to say the least.

"Is that all? Why didn't you tell me sooner?" You opened your eyes to a puzzled god.

"Because it would make you uncomfortable," you replied, suspicious of his reaction.

"Why on Odin's beard would it make me uncomfortable?" He frowned at you and looked you over. He started peppering kisses on your hands.

"Because it is my period?" You knew he is a god, but maybe asgardians women didn't get that. "Here on earth, men tend to be disgusted by it, they don't like to get involved in it or talk about it."

He huffed out in surprised anger- that you did not expect. The god in front of you did not know how human males could be so awful.

"Well that is preposterous! Women are to be worshipped at those times!" you stared at him-he had always treated you differently, unlike anything you have seen on earth before. You knew Asgardian ways of manners were much old fashioned and yet so different all the same.

"Then tell me, how do asgardians see it?" you leaned on the back of the couch, facing Loki and pulling a blanket over you. You liked how safe he made you feel, but this still felt weird to you- you were not sure how to react- to what extent it goes. So, curiosity got the better of you, "because if I'm being honest, this is kind of embarrassing."

Loki sent you a smile with a twinkle in his eye.

"Darling there is nothing to be embarrassed of! You are naturally as powerful as a thunder storm, a tornado- lightning cowards before you and your power!" he was going to make sure you understand it, he had never been so baffled by humans before. "You hold the ability of life- eternal life- in every drop of blood that falls from you- from the most powerful being in all the realms. For a couple of days each month- you are being shown your true power even through your suffering- and in that time you, my dear, are more powerful than a god. You should be nothing but worshipped. That is what the gods of Asgard know it to be true."

"Do they really all think that?" you felt a sharp pain suddenly and Loki came closer to you, put his usually cold hand on your stomach and you felt comforting warmness ease your ache.

"They know it. The people of midgard knew it too at some point, but then some people who thought themselves gods- I think they called themselves Christians- decided that the bleeding was a show of witchcraft and called it a sin and spread many lies about it, which now I see are still believed to this day. You see, they were quite stupid." You laughed at the disgusted look he gave you, which in turn made him smile. "You know, I probably shouldn't tell you this but…"

"You never obey such rules." You laughed and put your hand over his one that was comforting you on your stomach.

"In one of Thor's travels he bathed in a river filled with the menstrual blood of the powerful Giantesses. That was to give him enlightenment and eternal life."

"Ew, did he actually do it?" you scrunched your nose and Loki kissed it.

"That is not disgusting- that was powerful and very well respected. When he came back, he was the smartest I have ever seen him."

"I hope he took a good bath after it…" you chuckled and smiled at him, "Thank you for this, the Asgardian way of thinking is way better than that of earth."

"Now, dear, while I do have a preferred way to help take away the pain-" you blushed under his gaze. "Tell me, what is it that you desire? Tell me, so I can worship you as I should."

You kissed him then and you knew right then when he kissed you back that the Asgardian men are way better.

•

Taglist: : @callmeluna @sstanbarnes @buckys-other-punk @drabblewithfrannybarnes @easygoingtheatre @that-one-person @justab-eautifulmess @onceupona-happilyeverafter @wipplogg @supraveng @samwilsons-pillowpecs @ayybtch @kitkatd7 @chrissquares @make-me-imagine @jessalyn-jpeg

#the asgardian way #my writing #loki #loki x reader #loki x female reader #loki x you #loki laufeyson #loki laufeyson x reader #loki odinson #loki odinson x reader #loki imagine #loki fluff #fluff #period fic #loki fanfic #imagines #fanfiction #tom hiddleston #marvel #mcu #this has pagan elements and mythology

[1kook]

disney+ & bust

this is part of my netflix & chill collection !

summary; There’s a pounding on your door a little past noon, so hard and rough, that you almost think it’s the police finally coming to catch you for all your years of illegally pirating Phineas and Ferb. It’s not. It’s just a really drunk boyfriend wailing for your forgiveness at the door.  warnings; arguments, feelings of insecurity, bit of asshole jk, smut in the forms of degradation, dumbification, choking, fingering, spit kink, self punishment, unprotected but [ passionate ] sex, jk losing his cool, return of mean jk, he is actually an emotional mess in this one wtf miscellaneous; ANGST, anniversaries, the L word😳, app developer kook, rip ‘pretty girl’ </3, we all become phineas and ferb stans word count; 13k !!

notes; me: *writes couple who’s whole arc is being silly* y’all: MAKE THEM SUFFER GIVE US ANGST!! u ask I deliver so now we all suffer 😐 ngl it was hard writing this fic n u might notice there’s some parts that seem weird n that’s bc this was TWO fics w diff wording but I ended up mixing them bc I’m insane. still had a lot of fun! felt like I challenged myself!! not proofread bc when I say we suffer we SUFFER

please let me know what you think!!! a simple ask goes a long way <3

previous part: kissanime & foreplay

Approximately one week after The Bullet Bestie’s rise to prominence, Jungkook grows annoyed with it as his weirdly competitive nature rears its ugly head the more and more orgasms that little vibrator coaxes out of you. It turns on a weird switch in him, something slightly stuck up and snooty that he’ll never admit to out loud but is there nonetheless. By the following Friday, The Bullet Bestie is nestled deep in your garbage can and Jungkook’s back to pleasuring you with his tongue and fingers alone.

He had those moments in him, the ones where he liked to think he was better than any and everyone else, and occasionally they manifested against inanimate objects like a bullet vibrator.

Despite his polite and generally soft exterior, you catch glimpses of that cocky spirit more than anyone else. Over the past year, you’ve come to realize that Jungkook’s personality was like a coin that had been left out in the sun too long. He had this sweet and reserved nature you saw most times, a kindhearted boyfriend who adored you almost as much as you adored him. He was your angel whom you knew had a heart of gold, even if you were slowly bringing out his more childish tendencies. You knew him like the back of your hand, knew what his mom’s favorite color was and how he liked to stack the plates in his cabinet according to size and make. It was a side that was rusted from years of being out in the sun, basking in its adoring warmth, and you loved every inch about it.

And still, there was this other side to him you rarely saw. This cocky asshole who hid beneath the soft smiles and careful hands, making his appearance only through sly smirks and a tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek. He was a braggart, a man who knew his greatness yielded for no one and wanted that fact shoved down everyone’s faces. This Jungkook, this other side that never saw the light of day, was like the Hyde to his Jekyll. An unexpected, almost mean side to him that only dared make his appearance when his exhilaration was at an all-time high. Like when he was fucking you into another dimension, or kicking your ass in Mario Kart, or like now, when he was receiving an award at an annual tech ceremony.

On the eve of your one year anniversary, Jungkook’s company invites him to an awards ceremony for other web and app developers like him. It’s a grand event, filled with all the biggest nerds in the developing industry here to present the baby nerds with awards. Jungkook lies somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, both a seasoned player and a rookie all at once. He spends the night tolling you around in a floor-length gown and fangirling over all the “legends” in the room.

You know next to none of these people and none of their accomplishments but still pretend you respect them to hell and back. By the end of the main dinner, you’re sympathizing with Barbie’s ever-smiling features because your cheeks feel sore.

Towards the end of the night, Jungkook wins that random award— okay, who were you fooling? He wins the Platinum Mobile Standard of Excellence Award, recognizing him for all the hard work you’ve seen him put in this past year. It’s probably the highest recognition he can receive at this point in his career. It was an esteemed award that was bestowed upon only the most innovative developer of the year among tech companies, something Jungkook had briefly mentioned he always wanted. It’s basically the equivalent of placing first place in his field, but given Jungkook’s competitive industry and his young age, you think it’s like telling all these old Facebook lords to suck his big fat cock. (But that was your job when you got home.)

He gives a short little thank you speech, promising to work hard and own up to this title. The people around you are swooning, obviously endeared with his soft puppy dog features and melodic voice. They don’t know him like you do, don’t know that uppity twist to his grin like you do. It doesn’t slip off his face even when he steps down off the stage, arms wide open as he comes barreling towards you. Even with you in his arms, the congratulations that are thrown from every direction ring loudly in his ears and swell that ego of his.

The night goes like that for the most part, Jungkook’s acquaintances approaching him every few minutes to rain down their praises. He goes a little crazy at the open bar after a while, shoving the gold trophy into your arms as his beloved work seniors whisk him off for drinks. You don’t mind because you resigned yourself to a night of playing Jungkook’s perfectly perfect partner anyway, watching him politely mingling with his coworkers. Despite his earlier success, you know he won’t brag about it verbally. No, he’ll wait until the two of you get home—your place or his—and remind you how amazing he is with a quick snap of his hips.

As you said, he’ll never boast aloud.

However, that doesn’t mean you won’t.

“That’s my boyfriend,” you explain to the seventh person that greets you that night, excitedly pointing to where said boyfriend was slowly losing all sense of self by the bar. You don’t know anyone here beside Jungkook, and you’re pretty sure no one in their hammered minds is going to remember who you are anyway, so a little gloating never hurt anyone. “He won the ‘I’m Better Than Everyone Else’ award tonight,” you emphasize to the tipsy woman beside you who only laughs at your exaggeration. You assume she’s like you, accompanying one of the many developers here, because as soon as you finish boasting about Jungkook she moves to brag about someone too.

Truth be told, you spend the whole night re-analyzing the Zootopia movie you saw on Disney+ the other night in your head. So if the little fox fellow didn’t control himself would the city have fallen to ruins? Why was the useless sheep girl so evil and bitter? Why was there an unreal amount of romantic tension between the fox and the rabbit? Whatever, you’ll have to rewatch it some other night, and with your new Disney+ account, you could watch it anywhere you wanted to.

Now, you had never bothered to purchase a Disney+ subscription or even tried to swindle Jungkook for his password before. As far as you know, Disney+ was filled with old tv shows from your childhood, sitcoms that made you laugh when you were ten. There’s nothing wrong with that, but personally, you were a firm believer that that which was perfect should not be touched once finished; in other words, you were utterly terrified you’d rewatch an old episode of The Wizards of Waverly Place, only to find out the same joke you’ve been regurgitating for the past ten years doesn’t actually go that way.

However, the harsh reality was that Disney+ was good for a few things. Ugh, you hate when giant corporations provide decent services. Aside from Zootopia, you’ve watched about every animated media on there as well, all of which you replay in your mind as Jungkook has the time of his life with these nerds, knocking back champagne glass after champagne glass.

Anyway, the night ends a little past midnight, and Jungkook who is buzzed on alcohol and high on exhilaration ends up calling an Uber for the two of you. Your apartment— the new one he had not only helped you hunt for but also helped you move into, greatly cutting the cost of movers out with those glistening biceps and thick thighs —is still going through her rebellious phase where the potted plants are trying to take over, courtesy of Kim Namjoon. So for now, there’s a potted plant in an awkward corner that both of you stub your toe against on your way to your bedroom.

You’re thinking Jungkook is going to go to town tonight, given the fact he’s on Cloud 9 and has had his ego stroked by a bunch of dudes for the past couple hours. Maybe you guys can try out the hot role-playing scenario you saw on GirlsWay a few weeks ago, or the handcuffs you impulsively bought from Amazon one Monday night. Or maybe, and this one really makes you flutter, he’ll let you fully take the reins for once.

All those lewd fantasies end up being for naught because just as you shimmy out of your gown (with the help of his hands, of course) and turn to climb him like a tree, he’s on the other side of the room getting your makeup remover out for you. And also talking. A lot. And way more than usual.

“Did you see him, babe?” he sighs, dare you to say, dreamily, handing you the cotton pads as he begins pulling a million pins out of your hair. Slowly and with a lot of confusion, you pull your fake lashes off and begin cleaning your face. “He was amazing.”

“Uh-huh,” you say, having absolutely no idea who ‘he’ is or why Jungkook is so in love with him and not you at this very moment. “But so were you,” you add. Perfect. Stroke his ego and then stroke his cock.

Jungkook sputters at your praise. He’s carefully placing your hairpins on your thigh, cheeks flaming red every time he leans over you. “Was I?” he murmurs, voice sweet in that cute little way it always gets when he’s downed one too many shots of whiskey, enough to be buzzed but not enough to be wasted.

You turn and the pins clatter to the floor and across the bedsheets. “Yes,” you confirm, ignoring his sad huff at the mess you’ve made. Instead, you grab him by the collar of that pink button-up he taunted you with all night. “You were fucking incredible and I think incredible men deserve to have their dick sucked.”

Jungkook laughs at your vulgar statement, holding you gently by the hips as you climb into his lap. “Is that so?” The soft, shy persona is gone now, replaced by the gentle stirring beneath his dress pants. You nod hurriedly, plopping down on his lap and running your hands through his styled hair.

“Yes,” you confirm, kissing the corner of his mouth. “Luckily for you, I know this nymphomaniac who would gladly gobble up your cock at your every command.”

He snorts just as you push him into his back, nose adorably scrunched up. “First of all, you know I hate that word,” he chuckles, finally gracing you with a sweet peck that only makes you want him to fuck you into the fifth dimension. “Secondly, please don’t ever say you’ll gobble my cock up ever again.”

Something inside of you squeals with excitement as he rolls the two of you over, firm body pressing down on yours. “Oh, baby,” you groan, lazily throwing a leg over his hip. Jungkook grins and then decides to entertain you for a few minutes with a sloppy kiss.

You say a few minutes because just as things are heating up, he pulls away. He smiles apologetically. “As much as I’d love to be here with you, I actually have an early morning tomorrow.”

You frown at the sudden change in events. “Huh? They’re gonna make you work the morning after a Gatsby party?” you gasp, sitting up as he gets off of you. With every step he takes away from the bed your heart breaks a little more. “They can’t do that— that’s illegal!”

From the doorway he levels you with a comically raised brow. “No, it’s not.”

You scamper after him down the hall, watch the muscles in his back flex as he pulls his suit jacket on. “You can’t work on our anniversary— that’s illegal!” you offer instead.

He stops at your front door, feet squeezed back into his shoes. “Baby, it’s not,” he rolls his eyes, leaning down to peck your forehead. “It was either I work in the morning or work at night,” he explains, giving your messy hair a soothing caress. He’s looking at you with those eyes, the ones that make your heart lodge itself into your throat and make life a tightrope experience. There’s a devastatingly lovesick part of you that wants this moment, this kind face, to be engraved into your mind for the rest of your life. You want this to be the first and last thought you have and nothing else: just Jungkook’s adoring gaze on you for the rest of time.

The moment ends too soon when he flutters one last peck against your lips. “I’ll be done in the afternoon, okay?”

You pout. “Okay, your place?” you huff, making sure to get one last octopus squeeze around his waist. He nods. “Promise you won’t be late?”

The corners of his gaze soften. “You know I won’t,” he smiles, leaning down to bump your noses together playfully. “Can’t stay away from my pretty girl too long. Besides, I have a gift for you tomorrow.”

It’s with that sentiment and a hammering heart that you let him go. With Jungkook gone, there’s really nothing for you to do now. You took the next two days off in preparation for your anniversary sex, so you don’t have to head to sleep early like usual.

With nothing else planned, you decide on rewatching that Zootopia movie that had plagued you all night, ready to dissect every plot hole to hell and back. You don’t think Jungkook’s seen this movie yet so you add it to your long list of animated movies you’re forcing him to watch.

Part of you is actually really surprised Jungkook left. Well, kinda sorta, very, but not really. Jungkook was a good boy, that much was obvious. He took his job seriously, and if his job wanted him to come in at the asscrack of dawn, then he’d come in before the sun even rose. He was a goody-two-shoes, but even so, you were occasionally able to bring out that darker side in him.

Jungkook working, like actually working in an office setting, was pretty rare though. The dude had a chill job that let him stay home most of the time, and essentially clock in whenever he wanted. Every now and then you were able to convince him to stay, tucking him beneath your body or the covers, depending on the night, and refusing to let him go the morning after.

Once he had eaten you out until the wee hours of the day, ravenous between your thighs, and then went to work the next morning like he hadn’t broken you. Another time you had persuaded him into watching every season of the 2017 DuckTales reboot through the night. When the alarm had rung in the middle of the season finale, he had simply gotten into your shower and gone off to work.

So maybe you were a little confident in your skills, and Jungkook slipping between your fingers tonight was a huge bummer. But there was no use crying over spilled milk, you tell yourself, flinging your bra off somewhere in the corner as you snuggle back into your sheets. You’re ready to tear this Zootopia movie apart, scene by scene.

Even though your apartment is a little cold, you’re comforted by the fact Jungkook will be here to keep you warm all day tomorrow.

All men do is lie.

Despite his promise to come home early the next day, Jungkook ends up lying. The meeting he had been in all morning— the same one that had stopped you from getting bent like a pretzel the night before —drags on well past noon. Then, Kim Namjoon, AKA Jungkook’s favorite senpai in the entire world, catches wind of Jungkook’s success last night and absolutely has to take him out to lunch to celebrate.

You scoff, glaring down at your phone and the impulsive messages you’d sent out an hour ago when Jungkook had first texted you telling you he would be late.

You whirl around to stomp off in the direction of his living room, where all of yours and Jungkook’s favorite foods were growing colder by the minute. You had spent the longest time carefully laying them out, making sure the fried chicken was closer than the pizza but not closer than the breadsticks. Truthfully it’s a nightmare. There are about eight stomach aches worth of food sitting on his coffee table, the greasy stench makes you gag and will certainly stick to your hair for weeks, but none of that mattered because it was all for your beau.

Your very late beau who was making you grow more and more agitated with each minute that passed. Ugh! How inconsiderate of him to test your patience on a day like this. You didn’t want to be upset with him, but this was your first, real milestone as a couple with him. You had wanted to spend the whole day cuddled up, maybe finally tell him how much he really meant to you— definitely not waking up alone with eyeliner crusted eyes and an aching heart.

Deciding you’re being a little too dramatic, you head into the bedroom to calm down. This was fine, you tell yourself, carefully laying out the damn near harlotrous lingerie you had yet to put on. Jungkook would come over soon and everything would be A-okay.

Except for the part it’s actually F-not okay because soon it’s nearing sunset and the food has gone cold so you’ve stocked it into the fridge, and the pretty sheer bra has a wonky wire that’s two seconds away from piercing through your heart, but that doesn’t even matter because Jungkook being late for your all-day anniversary celebration has already ripped it to shreds anyway.  

You plop down on the couch in defeat, impulsively opening up the Disney+ app to cry through another episode of Phineas and Ferb. You’ve abandoned the satin robe that came with the lingerie in favor of donning a big t-shirt that smells like him and makes your heart hurt even more. The setting sun paints the living room in muted oranges, the chirping of birds outside the soundtrack to your lonely day.

You end up watching some other cartoon on Disney+, avoiding the Marvel section because you had promised Jungkook he could be there when you lost your Marvel virginity. Well, at least one of you was good at keeping promises, you think bitterly. For a second, you think about randomly watching one of the infamous MCU films out of order just to spite him. But then you think of that soft puppy gaze and how disappointed he’d be in you.

Whatever! It wouldn’t ever match up to the way you felt now.

Anyway, you circle back. When you’re five episodes into Phineas and Ferb you hear the doorknob rattle.

You sit up just as the door swings open, visible from your spot on the couch. He meets your gaze almost immediately, big doe eyes caught in the act. What act? You’re not really sure. In fact, you don’t even know what you’re looking at when he walks in because he’s drowning in shopping bags. His lips twist into a grin. “Honey, I’m home,” he says playfully.

You don’t laugh.

Jungkook frowns, dumping all his bags down at the entrance before waddling over towards you. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks, coming to stand before you and cupping your face in his hands. He’s towering over you, so tall and gorgeous but for the first time, you’re not dazed by his beauty.

“Kook, you said you’d be back hours ago,” you say slowly, avoiding his gaze. You try to keep the frustration out of your voice, but you’ve had hours to dwell on it now, and those annoying cartoon characters, though charming at first, had only served to multiply your annoyance.  

Jungkook blinks, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “I mean… yeah. But I got you presents?” he beams, glancing back at the mountainous pile he made by the door. You look over too. There are some luxury bags squeezed in between other shops you like, the occasional jewelers' logo on the side.

You stand with a sigh, sauntering off into the kitchen with him on your tail. “I don’t want presents,” you mumble, reaching to pour yourself a glass of water. You’re briefly aware of how childish you must seem. Jungkook hovers behind you.

“What? Yes, you do,” he says. “You had an entire wishlist on my Amazon of things you wanted.” It’s his turn to level you with an unreadable expression, slowly crossing his arms over his chest.

Your frown only deepens as you turn to match his stance against the counter. While it may be true that you did indeed have an entire list of impulsive items on his Amazon, that didn’t necessarily mean you wanted them all. Sometimes you just wanted to stare longingly at a pair of satin gloves without actually buying them. You don’t know how to explain this much to him. “They’re not…” you stop with another deep breath. “Forget it. Thank you for the presents.”

Now it’s Jungkook’s turn to question you. “What,” he says in an unimpressed tone, padding over to you before you can escape back into the living room to watch the entire princess movie collection on Disney+. “No, tell me what’s wrong.”

For some reason, that’s exactly what you don’t want to hear. “Jungkook,” you say flatly, narrowing your eyes at him. “You come home six hours after you said you would without telling me why, and normally I wouldn’t care, but today was supposed to be a special day for us.”

Jungkook reels at your bluntness. “Babe, I was out getting stuff for you. I know it’s our anniversary— that’s why I wanted to treat you,” he responds, oddly condescendingly like you’re a child who doesn’t understand what exactly he was doing.

You brush his hands away from your shoulders. “Yeah,” you huff. “Now I know that. But I spent all day waiting for you,” you stress, chest puffing as you grow more and more agitated by his inability to understand you. God, can he let you go now? At least a bunch of animated, geometrically drawn cartoons won’t question you like this and make you feel as childish as he was.

When he doesn’t say anything else you stomp back into the living room, snatching up your phone from its forgotten spot against the couch. “I’m going to bed.”

At that Jungkook seems to kickstart back to life. “What? ___, it’s barely six,” he says as he follows after you into your bedroom. You ignore him, shuffling beneath the covers. In all actuality, you’re going to bed to mope and watch more animated family shows, maybe cry under the guise of the plot just being so sad. Jungkook sits beside you just as you click back on to finish off your episode. “Baby, I don’t get it,” he sighs. “You’re always talking about how much you want this or that, and I go out and get you it all but now you’re mad?”

You bite down on your lip, eyes lasered in on the pictures moving before you. “Jungkook, just forget it.”

“No,” he says, more sternly than he’s ever been with you before. “If there’s a problem, tell me.” There’s a heavy pause, and then he says, “don’t make me waste my time guessing what’s wrong, okay?” 

“Waste your time?” you scoff, sitting up with pinched brows that you find match his. “I’m not trying to waste anyone’s time— in fact, that’s hot coming from you, Jungkook.”

He rolls his eyes. “What are you even saying? You’re mad because I took a little long getting presents, for you, might I add,” he huffs, plopping down on the edge of the mattress beside your knee. “You’re always saying you want this and that, but you can’t handle me going out to get those things? Do you hear how weird you sound?”

You whip the covers off of you. “Me talking about things doesn’t always mean I want them,” you defend.

Jungkook snorts. “Yes, it does,” he says. “Anytime you ramble about stuff for minutes like a little kid it’s because you want me to buy it for you.”

You blink. “Like a little kid?” you repeat, stunned by his comparison. Granted, you always knew you were the more childish of the two, but you never thought that would equate Jungkook thinking of you as a child. Something red and nasty flares in your chest. “Well sorry,” you spit, crossing your arms over your chest defensively, “sorry we all can’t be perfectly mature golden boys who would never see the light of day if I constantly wasn’t dragging them out.” You know it’s a somewhat low blow, especially because Jungkook’s told you before how his introverted tendencies were a sensitive issue growing up, but you can’t help it.

Jungkook groans, dropping his head into his hands. “Baby, don’t do this now,” he warns, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. “Stop acting like this.”

“Like how?” you spit, “like a kid?” Jungkook says nothing, leveling you with a blank stare from the corner of his eye. You roll your eyes, phone falling off your lap. Another episode of Phineas and Ferb had started, the corny opening tune filling the space between the two of you. “At least now I know what you think of me,” you mutter over the guitar riff.

“Oh my god,” Jungkook blurts, sitting up wildly. “Of course I’m gonna think of you as a stupid little kid, look at you,” he seethes, gesturing at the phone beside you. You flinch. “All you do is watch kids shows and whine whenever I wanna watch anything normal adults watch. You complain every single day about the most normal things, like your job? Why should I fucking care that you’re working a dead-end office job in a field you didn’t even study for— that’s not my problem, __!” he snaps, eyes narrowed into little slits. “I just won an award last night,” he says suddenly, voice back to its regular volume. “I’m at the height of my career and I’m only going up, but I can’t even enjoy that because I have to come home and cater to you,” he finishes, a loud scoff punctuating the final word.

You had never imagined Jungkook finally bragging about himself would be at your expense.

A beat of silence passes, the angry glint in his eyes quickly fading away the longer you don’t say anything. You sniff once, turning your head idly to the side where Phineas and Ferb is still blaring loudly from your phone speaker. Picking up the device, you throw it across the room where it hits his closet door with a terrifying bang the breaks the silence.

The sound snaps Jungkook out of whatever shock he’d been in. “Baby…” he says slowly, carefully, like you’re a caged animal that’s just escaped the zoo.

“I’m going home,” you say, also a little too calmly. You saunter over towards his closet where your shattered phone screen glares up at you as you yank a pair of sweats off a hanger. Jungkook is still frozen on the edge of the bed, watching you with wide eyes as you move about the room.

It’s when you’re in the hallway leading downstairs that Jungkook finally snaps out of his daze, scampering behind you as you descend the stairs. “Baby,” he rushes out, loudly bounding down after you, “___, wait,” he gasps, catching you by the kitchen counter collecting your keys. “I-I didn't mean that,” he rushes out, eyes wide and frantic as they flicker over your expression. “I don’t think that—I don’t, baby, please, just… let me explain, please.”

“Jungkook, let go of me,” you respond, shaking your wrist in an attempt to release yourself. He’s not even holding you tightly— he never would—but the sound of your heart pounding in your ears makes your movements jerky and erratic. “I wanna go home.”

“No,” he chokes, cornering you against the counter. “No, baby, please just listen to me, I-I—“

“You what, Jungkook?” you snap, placing a hand on his chest and forcefully pushing him away. He lets you, stepping back with a wobbly bottom lip. “You need to tell me how you’re too good for me? How much I hold you down because I wasn’t lucky enough to get a job like yours straight out of college?” He says nothing, swallowing roughly as you jab a finger into his chest. “Well let me tell you something,” you snarl, chest heaving, “I may be childish and a huge complainer, but I’m not stupid enough to let someone walk all over me like this.”

With that, you make your great escape. Truthfully, you don’t want him to see the tears in your eyes as you yank his door open, stomping down his steps and in the direction of the nearest bus stop. The door opens right after you tug it shut, painting your shadow across the sidewalk. There’s the scrambled sound of house slippers against the concrete that follows you down. “Go the fuck back inside,” you snap without missing a beat.

Sensing your obvious anger, he pauses before he can reach you. “Text me when you get home?” he calls out quietly.

“No,” you respond.

You would never admit to anyone that you spend the entire night eating a tub of mint chocolate ice cream. It’s disgusting and makes you gag, but it’s the only one you have in your apartment. And of course, it was brought over by none other than Jeon Jungkook himself a few days ago. Even when you’re trying to comfort yourself over how mean he was, on your anniversary night no less, you’re plagued by thoughts of him everywhere.

As much as you want to brush his words off, put on that cool girl exterior you’ve maintained since high school, there’s something different about this situation. You guess it’s impossible to brush off such hateful words when they come from someone you love and adore so much.

Were you too childish? You had always believed that side of you was what made your relationship with Jungkook so perfect. The two of you meshed well because of your differences, like yin and yang. So how had he been able to so easily deconstruct every inch of that balance in a matter of a few seconds? Was this perfect reality all in your head this whole time?

You want to tell yourself it was just a heat of the moment outburst from Jungkook, give him the benefit of the doubt because he’s never snapped at you like this before. Of course you’ve fought a couple of times in the past year, but neither of you had ever stooped as low as you did yesterday. Furthermore, the insecure part of your brain says he obviously felt this somewhere in his heart to bring it up at all. What he had said to you wasn’t something someone could make up on the spot.

You don’t text him when you get home, partly to spite him, but mainly because you had left your phone at his place anyway. You know he tried calling you last night because the call log is synced up to your laptop. He called on and off for about thirty minutes before he probably found your phone in his room. Whatever, he can mope in his regret for all you care

—is what you wanna say, but the longer he goes without showing himself to you the more your insecurities and hurt fester. Was this it? Was this the end of what was probably the best year of your life? It’s too painful to think about, to even consider the possibility that Jungkook might have gained a new insight last night and decided, hey, maybe this is for the best after all.

You drown yourself in an ungodly amount of sugar for breakfast, your laptop blaring yet another episode of Phineas and Ferb on the dining table. Muscle memory has you making Jungkook’s favorite pancakes before you can stop yourself, and by the time you do realize, you’ve resigned yourself to the blueberry smell anyway.

There’s a pounding on your door a little past noon, so hard and rough, that you almost think it’s the police finally coming to catch you for all your years of illegally pirating Phineas and Ferb.

It’s not.

It’s just a really drunk boyfriend wailing for your forgiveness at the door. You open the door with a fright, jumping back when he slumps forward and almost crashes face-first into the floor. “You didn’t call,” Jungkook cries, leaning a little too much of his weight onto you when you reach out to steady him.

The thundering of your heart slows upon registering it’s him. “Kook?” you frown, nose pinched at the ungodly stench of alcohol wafting off his clothes. “Have you been drinking?” you ask even though the answer is staring you right in the face (and in the nose).

He groans, staggering deeper into your arms. You blindly push the door shut behind him, resigning yourself to this new situation while your pancakes grow cold in the other room. “Baaaby,” he slurs, letting you guide him into the living space. He’s unceremoniously dumped onto the couch, half-opened eyes gazing up at you. “Let me,” a hiccup, “explain.”

You won’t lie. There’s a very obvious sense of discomfort sitting in your chest, torn between two paths that you don’t wish to choose between. His skin is warm and flushed like he’s just walked all the way here in this morning sun. You step over to the window that faces down onto the street below. There’s no sign of his car; you would have killed him if he ever tried to drive in this state.

“Did you walk here?” you ask instead, deciding there’s no need for one singular path, not when you can walk straight down the middle, both cleaning him and grilling him at the same time.

Jungkook’s response is delayed, head lolling from side to side as you help him out of his sweater. His skin is sweaty beneath, scorching to the touch. “Uh-huh,” he groans. Jesus, you sort of assumed but him confirming it really set things into perspective.

By no means did you and Jungkook live on opposite ends of the earth. On a good day, a drive from your place to his took about ten minutes. But walking? Easily an hour. Had he walked all the way from his place, drunk on top of that?

You brush his hair away from his face, his eyes fluttering shut at your touch. His lips are pouty yet chapped, dehydrated from the sun and the alcohol he reeks of. “Sit up for me,” you instruct, scampering off to your room for chapstick and water.

“Anything for you,” Jungkook wheezes, throat probably dryer than a desert. When you return, he’s two seconds from face planting into the coffee table and breaking that pretty face of his. You catch him with a hand on his shoulder, keeping him balanced. “Tell me what to do,” he chokes out, voice hoarse.

“Just need you to drink some water,” you say, pressing a cup against his lips. He drinks it, but a drop still dribbles down his chin.

“No,” he groans, catching your wrist in his hand when you reach up to apply some chapstick on him. “Tell me what to do,” he stresses, “to fix this. Fix us.”

His words make you pause, the tube of chapstick hovering over his plush lips. “You don’t have to do anything,” you respond quietly, trying to finish the application so you can pull away.

Jungkook doesn’t let you go. You try to look away, but there’s something about him that looks off. Maybe it’s the raw skin under his eyes, red and swollen. Or the sad droop to those same eyes that hold you captive. Or maybe it’s the subtle tremble in his hands, the fingers that hold tightly to your wrist, not to keep you there but to ground himself. “I don’t wanna lose you,” he rasps out, shakily bringing your hand to his mouth, where he presses one airy kiss to your knuckles. “Tell me ho-how to fix this and I’ll do it,” he pleads, a vulnerable look in his eyes.

Unable to withstand the sheer amount of agony on his expression, you look away. “___, please,” he chokes out, stumbling off the couch in his drunk and desperate haze until he’s kneeling in front of you. “I can’t… I can’t,” he sniffles, tears clouding those pretty eyes you’ve come to love so much. “I don’t know who I am without you.”

You clench your jaw. “You’re Jeon Jungkook,” you murmur, slipping your hand out of his hold to run through his hair. It’s knotted and a little too greasy, two things Jungkook would usually never allow. “This year’s Platinum Mobile Standard of Excellence Award recipient,” you remind him, trailing your thumb across his cheekbone when he turns to look up at you with those big Bambi eyes. “Sweet and shy, but you love being rowdy with your friends. You love movies and TV and organizing your shirts according to fabric type. You work harder than anyone I know and never complain. You date me, even though I’m a huge child,” you smile sadly.

“No!” he jumps, turning that frantic stare back into you. “Y-You’re not— it’s not,” he stammers, words still slurring together. “I’m a liar,” he cries, resting his forehead on your knees. His shoulders shake. “I don’t deserve you,” he weeps quietly. You place a hand on his shoulder. “Y-Y-You make my life so much better, ___, so colorful and fun. I-I wish I knew you in high school,” he admits, “maybe I wouldn’t have been so emotionally constipated now.”

“You’re not,” you reassure him softly.

He disagrees. “You bring out the best,” he hiccups, “the best in me.” Your heart skips in your chest. “I-I love you, you know that?”

You sputter, eyes wide at his sudden confession. “I… love you so much, y’know? I think about you ev-every night, ___,” he rambles, eyes dreamily gazing off into some miscellaneous spot on the wall behind you. “I can’t get you out of my head. Like you're a song, o-on repeat but it’s not annoying because it’s my favorite song, and I could listen to it for the rest of my life, y’know? My favorite song, I know all the words b-because it’s all I think about! I love... My love… I love you so much.”

“Kook,” you rush out, cheeks flaming as you try to pull him away from where he’s slumped over your legs. His passionate speech has you abuzz, body tingling everywhere until you feel overwhelmed, head spinning like you’re on a rollercoaster. “Let’s get you to bed.”

He nods sleepily, seemingly coming down from whatever alcohol induced rampage has allowed him to walk for an hour straight in this searing heat just to confess to you. “Y-You don’t have to say it back,” he continues to stutter as you guide him through the living room on wobbly legs. “I just-I just— can I?” he babbles. “Can I love you, ___?”

You pass through the kitchen space, where whatever you were watching on Disney+ is blaring loudly. It distracts Jungkook for about two seconds before his attention returns to you. When you don’t answer, he presses on. “Is that okay?” he asks, whirling around to face you, catching your shoulders in his hands. He towers over you by the entrance to your bedroom, dark curls tickling your forehead. His eyes are dark and glazed over, both in tears and an emotion so raw and unfiltered it squeezes around your chest until you can’t breathe. “Is it okay for me to love you?” he murmurs softly, knocking his nose against yours.

Your cheeks blaze. “Yes, th-that’s fine, Kook,” you blubber, placing a hand over his chest, where his heart is also hammering away. “Just need you to go rest now, okay?”

He nods sleepily, nudging your nose with his one last time, like a soft almost-kiss, before letting you push him into the room. “Yes, yes,” he breathes, his body finally crashing from his adrenaline spike. He flops down onto the bed unceremoniously, dark waves fanning across your pillows. You try to wiggle him out of his shirt, but it only gets about halfway up his chest before he blindly reaches for the covers. His legs stick out awkwardly, clad in the sweatpants you’ve come to associate with him.

When he’s all swaddled up in your blanket he finally goes limp, tiny snores leaving his lips as he dozes away from reality. You sigh, pressing a palm to his forehead. He’s still warm and clammy, but at this point, there’s nothing you can do but wait for him to sober up.

With a final kiss to his forehead, you leave the room, closing the door behind you before sliding against the wooden surface. There’s a trapped bird in your chest, wildly flapping its wings in an effort to get out, and it’s all stupid Jungkook’s fault in the next room. Stupid Jungkook who demolished and remodeled your heart all in less than twenty-four hours. It doesn’t calm down, even when you rush off into the kitchen for a glass of water, or when you try to immerse yourself in some other show on Disney+. It stays beating against your ribs and your chest until you’re forcing yourself to sit down on the couch and process.

He wakes up a little before dinner. You hear him from the living room, where you’re flicking through the options on Disney+ for the nth time that day. You’ve seen the first fifteen minutes of about twenty different series and movies by now, always growing antsy and abandoning them early on. The only reason you know he’s awake is because the shower turns on for a few minutes, and then his bare feet are heard padding across the hallway back into your room.

By the time he resurfaces in the living room, you’ve resigned yourself to just more Phineas and Ferb, nonchalantly watching the silly cartoon. (Except you’re anything but nonchalant, and your heartbeat rings in your ears.)

Jungkook hovers by the door, clad in a pair of shorts he’s left here before, and a t-shirt you stole from him. “Hey,” he says quietly, lingering by the doorframe. You nod back in response. “Can I watch with you?” Again, another nod.  

Slinking over to the couch, he’s rather careful as he sits down, leaving a few inches of space between the two of you. You don’t even think he can see the screen of your laptop until he murmurs, “he’s my favorite character,” when Perry the Platypus appears on the screen.

You hum. “Thought you didn’t like these kids shows?” you ask. You don’t mean it to sound as petty and backhanded as it comes out, but that’s really no one's fault but his own.

Jungkook’s breathing tightens beside you. “No,” he admits, “I don’t. Only watch them because I know you like them.” You contemplate pausing the episode and engaging in a real conversation with him, but at this point, you’re very tired from the events of the last day. Jungkook doesn’t press either, just shuffles more comfortably beside you.

You get about five minutes in, quiet chuckles shared between the two of you, before he strikes. “I’m sorry about yesterday,” he says, so hushed you almost don’t hear it. His hand is resting in the space between you, pinky brushing against yours. “About… being late. And the presents.”

You inspire slowly. “That wasn't even the problem, silly,” you brush off. From your peripheral, you see Jungkook’s slow nod. “I didn’t want any presents,” you mention, “I just wanted you.” You look away from the screen immediately after, pretending like the spot on the ceiling is actually really interesting.

The two of you fall into silence, the animated characters on your screen rapidly chattering away. “Oh,” Jungkook says after a moment.

You roll your eyes. They’re moist but you don’t want him to see. “Yeah, oh,” you parrot back softly, relaxing into the couch again. “Did you eat the food I left out?”

Jungkook shuffles beside you, the soft lull of the speakers soon being cut as he reaches over to pause Phineas and Ferb. A couple of seconds pass and then he’s leaning into you, head resting on your shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes again, placing a palm over the hand he had been teasing for the past few minutes. “I thought I knew what I was doing but I was wrong.”

His voice is so soft and sincere, it makes your chest ache. You try to burrow your face against your opposite shoulder, try to hide the stray tear that escapes out of the corner of your eye. “It’s fine,” you brush off, voice choked off and hoarse.

Jungkook leans up, pecks your cheek so tenderly it makes you go mushy. “No, it’s not fine. I acted like a know-it-all and said something way out of line,” he murmurs, raising his head to look at you. His hand feels warm over yours. It’s the touch you craved all day and yesterday, the warm feel of his body against yours. You’re embarrassed at how easily you melt into it. “You’re the best thing that has happened to me in a long time,” he tells you, holding your hand close to his chest. “I had no right to say those things to you.”

You sniffle, resting your head against his shoulder now. His heart beats loud enough for you to hear. “Was it true?” you mumble. “Do you really think of me like that?”

He shakes his head, his soft breaths fanning across your forehead. “No, never,” he answers. “I think you’re incredible. My brain was just trying to justify my dumb anger.”

You nod, even if you don’t believe it just yet. But that was a conversation for later, you suppose, sometime in the future when you aren’t on the verge of tears and threatening to crumble apart at the simplest word that leaves his mouth.

“I should have come home like you wanted, thought about my words before saying them,” he says, snuggling closer to you. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” you sniffle, covering your face with your free hand as he presses a kiss to the vein that runs over the back of the hand he’s holding captive. “Now it just sounds like I'm just being inconsiderate of your gifts and a crybaby.”

Jungkook kisses your temple softly, gently. “Don’t think about the gifts,” he says. “Just tell me what you wanted to do, doll.”

His voice calms you, has you like putty in his arms. “Watch movies,” you mumble, toying with a thread on your couch cushion. “Be with you.”

He hums. “Then we’ll do that,” he says, reaching for your laptop again. The screen nearly blinds you when it flickers back to life before you, Jungkook’s low breaths against your ear making it near impossible for you to process the titles on the screen. “You liked Disney+?”

Belatedly, you nod. “I like the animated movies,” you admit quietly, the anxieties of before slowly melting away, even more so when he slides his arm around you, pulling you close against his chest.

Unlike other times where he’ll critique the hell out of such childish films, Jungkook says nothing as he starts up the Zootopia movie instead, the same one you had wanted to show him before, right from the beginning. “That bunny looks like you,” you murmur when Judy Hopps first appears on the screen.

Jungkook snorts. “You say that about every cartoon bunny.”

You turn your head to glance at him over your shoulder. He meets your gaze with a small smile you return. “It’s because you’re so cute,” you say softly, lips twisting playfully when his cheeks grow scarlet.

He knocks his forehead against yours, eyes fluttering shut. “Not cute, just lucky,” he chuckles. “Lucky enough to have you.” Your heart turns over in your chest, threatening to burst out of your rib cage at his words. You try to turn in his arms. Before you can say the words that have been sitting on the tip of your tongue for months now, he’s beating you to it once again. “I love you,” he confesses in a hushed whisper, no alcoholic influence. 

Something inside of you blossoms, eyes wide as he chastely kisses you. He pulls away without you ever reacting, too caught up in surprise to kiss him back properly. He stays close, curls tickling your forehead as he leans over you. “You don’t have to say it back, I just wanted you to know. I love you,” he says again, long lashes blinking down at you. “So much. It makes me feel like a stupid teenager again, going to the mall to buy a gift for my crush.” He laughs sheepishly, reaching down to tangle your fingers together. “Is that okay?” he asks quietly, pressing a kiss to your knuckles.

It mirrors the confession he’d given you that morning, those slurred words and teary eyes. It had been difficult to pinpoint the legitimacy of it before, the meaning scrambled by his hazy mind. But with him staring at you like this now, like you single-handedly plucked the stars from the sky to put them in those sparkly eyes of his, it makes something inside you ache.

Still, you choke on your own spit. “I-Is it okay for you to love me?” you sputter incredulously, realizing the oddity of the same question he’d thrown at you earlier. But now, you’re both sober and you can really tear apart that sentence. Jungkook nods a little too seriously for your liking. “Are you crazy?” He blinks in confusion, brows pulling together as you slowly but surely lose the last bits of your sanity. “You’re an idiot, Jeon Jungkook,” you huff, “a stupidly handsome, rich, walking dream, idiot who goes out with stupid girls like me.”

“Not stupid,” he murmurs, closing in on you again as he finally understands the truth behind your masked insults. He smells minty and like his favorite body wash of yours.

“No,” you deny. “You’re actually, like, insane. You have a bachelor pad, make enough money to sustain an entire litter of kittens, look and talk like every teenage girl’s dream boyfriend— but you mess it all up by dating evil, conniving hoes like me who lose their shit over Disney cartoons.” He says nothing, watching you with an amused grin as you talk over yourself, basically regurgitating his statement from yesterday except it kinda seems plausible now that you’re over it. “It’s stupid. No, you’re stupid. No— I’m stupid.”

Jungkook chuckles, kissing the corner of your mouth gently. “Done?” he says, a dimple appearing on his cheek. You could kiss it away, but you need him to know the amount of stupidity in this room was astronomically high. “You’re not stupid, baby,” he says. You level him with a look. “Well. You have your moments.”

“Moments?” you repeat, standing up in a hurry that has him flopping down beside you. Your laptop is lost somewhere on the cushions, the voices faded as they grow farther away. “I am so stupid. I called Namjoon a whore for taking you out for lunch!” you cry. “I am the stupidest person in the world.”

Jungkook cackles, standing up beside you. “Yes, yes, you’re my stupid girl,” he teases, tapping the pout on your lips playfully. “So stupid she slanders herself instead of just telling me she loves me too.” He bumps your noses together, dark eyes staring at you almost daringly after his claim.

You fold soon enough. “I love you,” you mumble, “even if I’m too stupid to say it.”

He rewards your confession with a kiss, pulling you into his arms soon after. He sighs, almost wistfully. “Whatever shall I do with my very stupid girl?”

After exactly three minutes of feeling safe and loved in his arms, he abandons the living room in favor of leading you back to your room, where he pushes you down against your mattress. You cling to him, leaving him positioned over you at an angle. His chest presses against yours, arm curled around the back of your head. “Gotta get up, baby,” he laughs.

You shake your head, caging him in your arms. “Nuh-uh,” you murmur, legs wiggling when he places a hand on your hip.

Jungkook chuckles, pressing a kiss against the side of your ear. “Your movie is still playing in the other room,” he reminds you, thumb drawing soothing circles on your hip. You don’t release him, his mindless touch only encouraging you to keep him close. “Babe?”

You say nothing, relishing in the comfort of Jungkook’s presence. His hair smells good and feels even softer against the side of your face. The cotton shirt he found is crumpled beneath your fists, dark blue pattern wrinkling. Finally coming to terms with his new home, Jungkook eventually relaxes into your hold with a sigh.

“Alright,” he hums, patting your hip as he repositions himself more comfortably. “I get it. My pretty girl must’ve missed me, huh?” You nod, soaking in every detail about him in this moment. Jungkook shifts, the hand on your hip suddenly falling over your thigh instead. “Or should I say my stupid girl?” he purrs, hand slipping between your thighs. “My stupid, little girl?”

A gasp catches in your throat when he runs his fingers over the front of your panties. Your legs kick out wildly at the sudden touch, toes curling at the hands you dreamt about all day and night. “Oh,” you pant, each brush of his fingers feeling better than the last.

“What?” he says, mouthing against the side of your neck. His tongue feels warm, but the trails of saliva he leaves have you shivering. “Too dumb to speak?” he scoffs, biting down against a particular spot on your neck. You whimper, unsure if it’s because of his hands or his mouth.

“N-No,” you try to sneer back, fingernails digging into his skin through his shirt. His hands are getting braver now, the pad of his pointer finger dancing over your engorged clit. The sheer material of your panties certainly doesn’t help, each touch feeling like it’s being magnified three times over. And if it felt this good with underwear, you can’t even begin to imagine how it’d feel without.

You don’t have to ponder for long, because soon after Jungkook is slipping his hand beneath your waistband, touching your sensitive pussy head-on. “Kook.”

He uses your momentary vulnerability to ease himself from your hold, finally recoiling enough to smother your mouth with his. You moan in surprise, thighs quivering as he gets to work circling your hardened bud sans your panties. Jungkook isn’t the least bit kind as he kisses you ruthlessly, likes he’s trying to compensate for something with his movements. When he finally pulls away it’s with an obnoxious pop and cherry red lips. He huffs, glancing down to see where he’s got his fingers pleasuring you.

Your thighs are squirming back and forth, closing around his hand every few seconds. Jungkook snorts. “Huh, look at that,” he mutters, trailing down until his fingers are gliding over your quickly sopping folds. “Stupid girl is good for something.”

Your cheeks burn. “Kook, I’m not—“

Jungkook levels you with an unimpressed glare. “Not what? Not stupid? But I could’ve sworn you just spent the last few minutes saying you were,” he drones meanly, landing one light slap against your cunt that makes your hips buck.

You bite down a whimper. “I was just…” you trail off, eyes rolling back when he teases one finger against your opening.

“Kidding?” he supplies. “Well, I wasn’t.” Your heart stutters in your chest, eyes growing wide as he finally pushes himself off of you, propping himself up with an elbow beside your head. His gaze is dark and unrecognizable. “I think you’re so fucking stupid, doll,” he sneers. “And what are you gonna do about it?”

You should have seen this moment coming, the manifestation of that shiny side of the coin finally reaching its full potential.

While Jungkook wasn’t exactly shy about his interests, he certainly wasn’t tripping over himself to tell you every new kinky thing he wanted to try. You sort of guessed he had some interest in this sort of play a few weeks ago when you watched the Barbie movie at his place. A lot of that night had branded itself into your three am wet dreams, but there was one particular moment that stood out to you. That was you, on your knees, with him condescendingly patting your head. Or just last week, you vaguely remember the term slipping through his lips as he pleasured you with The Bullet Bestie.

The thing about Jungkook was that, until last night, he would have never admitted, or so much as even thought, that he was better than you. That was fine because you would say it enough for the both of you anyway. Did you think Jungkook was amazing, an absolute diamond among these measly rocks? Absolutely. (Were you slightly biased because you were his girlfriend? Skip.) However, you also had this insane evil villain complex that made you want to brag about everything you possibly could, especially if that meant bragging about your boyfriend.

Realistically speaking, he was better than you, that much you could look past yesterday’s anger to admit, and not even in a stuck-up, conceited way; he had a really good job, an architecturally amazing house, and a hot girlfriend. Meanwhile, you had a mediocre job, an okay apartment, and an insanely sexy Calvin Klein boyfriend, half of which he had pointed out yesterday. Regardless of how powerful that third factor was, he still outnumbered you three to one.

Sue you, Jungkook was amazing. Anyone could see that! Except, maybe, himself.

And if the only time Jungkook would openly brag about his greatness or establish how much better than you he was, was in a post-fight, sex-induced setting, then you were more than happy to be his punching bag. So long as it was on your terms, and not as a result of his weirdly bottled up feelings.

(Yeah, you would have a long talk about that tomorrow.)

But for now, you pout up at him, clamping your thighs shut purposefully. “You’re stupid too,” you defend, “stupid and mean.”

Something in his expression changes. Suddenly, he’s moving at superhuman speed as he snatches his hand out from where you had previously trapped him between your legs, yanking you up by the front of your shirt. “Mean?” he mocks. “Isn’t that what you always wanted?” You shiver, fingers wrapping around the wrist that holds your sweater. “Wanted me to be mean and push you around like a little rag doll?”

Jungkook looks at you for another two seconds, before he’s slowly pulling away from you, leaning back on his knees. His tongue is pressing against the inside of his cheek, jaw tightening from the movement. “Baby,” he says so quietly it instills a prickle of fear in you, tainted with delicious excitement.

“Yeah?” you whisper, sitting up tentatively as you watch him, He was a bit frightening, like a wild animal about to devour you whole.

Jungkook rolls his neck, the joints in his spine cracking as he begins tugging off his shirt. You salivate at the sight, too focused on the sinewy muscles of his body to catch the dark gaze he levels your way. He throws it off to the side, his sleeve of tattoos that wraps around his bicep and begins to crawl down his chest wonderfully unobstructed now. “Eyes up here,” he says and you quickly meet his gaze. He leans forward, muscled arms coming to cage you against the headboard. “Stupid little sluts don’t have the room to make such comments,” he rasps out, unamused expression adorning his normally soft features. “Don’t you think so?”

“I-I don’t know,” you stammer, leaning away as he comes closer and closer, eventually just turning your head to the side to avoid that emotionless look. It’s the wrong move, and Jungkook lets you know as much by forcefully digging his fingers into your cheeks and turning your face back around to meet his gaze.

A hand grabs beneath your knee, tugging harshly until you’re flopping down onto your back with a squeal. You settle with his knee pressed hotly against your core. Jungkook stays towering over you. “Dumb little girls who make me watch cartoons,” he spits, tracing a hand over your chest, molding your breasts beneath his hands roughly enough to make you gasp. “And watch little animal movies on Disney+. Aren’t they just so stupid?”

“So stupid,” you concede, subtly shifting your hips for some desperately needed friction. Jungkook snorts, finally granting you your wish with one rough slide of his thigh against your core.

“I agree,” he says, and surprises you with a hand around your throat as he leans in to properly grind his thigh into you. “All they’re good for is being dumb little sluts with good pussy,” he murmurs darkly, thumb pressing into the side of your neck forcefully. “Sometimes, they don’t even do anything,” Jungkook continues, his other hand on your hip hauling you higher up his thigh. You mewl, soaked panties rubbing roughly against your folds. You miss the soft swirl of his thumb, the gentle prod of his fingers. Even so, you can’t deny this change in Jungkook is doing something to you, riling up a part of you that you hadn’t known existed. Maybe it’s the horniness from yesterday that was left unfulfilled, the one year anniversary sex that was put on pause. “Just lay there and take it, too fucked out and dumb to say anything.”

His fingers loosen for the briefest of seconds and you gasp for breath. “That’s terrible,” you whimper, rolling your hips up into his thigh, so close to his swollen cock.

Jungkook chuckles without an ounce of humor, pressing your foreheads together as he helps grind you to completion. “Isn’t it? I think that stupid little girl is cute though.”

“I’m sorry,” you blurt, vision spotting as he tightens his hand back around your throat. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you moan, stomach tight from all the stimulation.

Jungkook hums, slowing you down with a tight grip on your waist. “Hm, what are you sorry for?” he croons, pink lips pulling into an evil smile. “You said you weren’t that stupid girl, __.”

You shake your head, trying to roll your hips up again but he’s holding you too tightly now, rendering you immobile beneath him. “I am,” you choke out shamefully, grabbing at the hand on your hip in a feeble attempt to remove it. “I am a stupid little girl.”

Jungkook smirks, leaning down to slot his mouth over yours. “That’s right,” he murmurs, “nothing but a dumb little slut.”

You shiver, opening your mouth when he slides his tongue against your bottom lip. He’s not the slightest bit nice, and more messy than usual. He pulls away with a bite to your lower lip, meeting your trembling gaze with that same unrecognizable glint in his eyes. “Come on, dummy, keep up,” he snarks before devouring you again. You try to, you really do, but he’s moving like an animal today, despite his slow and drunken movements from that morning. So you end up with his saliva dripping down your throat, clinging to the corners of your lips as he begins slowly grinding you against his thigh again. He flashes you a wicked smile, pearly teeth on display for you as he glances down at your messy appearance.

“Are you gonna touch me?” you ask, lower lip trembling at the thought after your desperate rutting. Jungkook purses his lips together in thought.

“Mmm,” he hums. “Don’t know yet.”

You whine. “Jungkook, please,” you whimper, wrapping your legs around his waist. “I need you.”

Jungkook chuckles, running his hand up your waist and taking your shirt with him. He slips his fingers beneath your bra, pushing the wire over your chest as he mouths at your neck. “Cute,” he says. “Can’t do it yourself?”

You tremble, chest arching into him as he rolls your nipple between his fingers. “I-I can,” you gasp. “Just feels better with you.”

Jungkook follows your statement with a nip against your skin, tongue soothing over it right after. “Why? Because I do everything better than you? Even make you cum better than you?”

Your cheeks heat up at his blatant ego rearing its head, hands carding through the hair at the nape of his neck. You say nothing, and that only eggs Jungkook on. “Come onnn,” he teases, finally, finally rolling his hips down onto your core. You squeak, head falling back against the pillows as you’re granted the one thing you’d been chasing. “Say it.”

“Say what?” you ask, voice wobbly as he continues to slowly rut against you, the front of his shorts pressing against the soaked crotch area of your panties. “Oh, oh, Jungkook,” you whine.

Suddenly he bites down harshly, teeth digging painfully into your skin. You yelp in surprise, pussy throbbing at the pain that shoots throughout your body. Jungkook pulls away and doesn’t bother soothing over it as he leans up to capture your jaw this time. “Say you’re a stupid little slut who can’t do anything without me,” he purrs, kisses too soft for the words he says.

Your mind blanks, torn between the humiliating phrase he wants you to say and properly checking him in his place. In the end, it’s with a twisted need to please him that you’re repeating the words back to him. “I-I’m a stupid slut,” you whimper, fingers digging into his shoulder blades as he continues pushing you right along the edge. The rope pulled tightly in your core is slowly being pulled apart, threads hanging on for dear life. “Can’t... can't do anything without...”

“Without who?” he asks, reaching down and untying the front of his shorts. “Can’t do anything without who, baby?”

“Without you, without you,” you cry, bucking your hips up against his, the combined movements of both your bodies making you shake like a leaf. “Ah, K-Kook,” you wail, hips stuttering as your orgasm finally swallows you up. Your panties quickly grow wet and icky from your own arousal that pools between your thighs. Jungkook lets you writhe beneath him as you chase your high, mouth sucking a pretty blossom against your jaw.

You know better than to expect the night to end here, especially after seeing the glint that had been in his eyes as he watched you unravel.

He leans close, let’s his nose brush against yours as you catch your breath. “So perfect for me,” he groans, slotting his lips against yours. You can barely keep up with him, languidly going along with his hot tongue. “Perfect, perfect girl,” he murmurs, a stark change from the less than friendly adjectives he used just moments before. “Tell me you love me?” he says softly.

You nod, mind fuzzy as you wrap your arms around his neck. “Love you,” you exhale, letting your fingers knot in his hair. Your proclamation does something to him, makes him grind the front of his cotton shorts hard against you. For someone that was often rough and brutal with you in bed, he sure was sensitive to the mushiest of things.

“Don’t deserve you,” he huffs, hot breath fanning across your skin. He switches gears fairly quickly. “Tell me you hate me,” he begs hoarsely, rutting against your soiled panties. “Tell me I’m a piece of shit and you could do better without me,” he pleads, voice too airy to be another one of his usual sex-induced thoughts.

You shake your head, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he rolls his hips. “It’s not true,” you whisper, “I love you more than you’ll ever understand.”

Jungkook groans, suddenly winding back and tearing your ruined panties down your legs. You gasp in surprise, letting him haul you about in his blind, self-inflicted rage. “Stupid, stupid,” he huffs, though at this point you can’t tell who it’s directed at. With your underwear out of the way, he wastes no time plunging his fingers back into your cunt, bypassing the tight ring of muscle around it without any of his usual care. “You should hate me,” he snarls, lips pressed against your ear.

You moan, back arching at the sudden pleasure that blossoms between your thighs. “I-I don’t,” you gasp, toes curling.

Jungkook groans, the sound traveling down your spine and straight into your pussy. “Stupid girl,” he huffs, slipping an arm around you to pull you so close until you can’t breathe, chests lined up together. His skin is warm to the touch, scorching almost. “Fuck,” he groans, curling his fingers inside of you. You whimper and moan, incapable of staying still beneath him as he tortures you with a thumb to your clit. “Tell me you hate me,” he seethes again.

Despite the fog that’s settled over your mind, you still manage a resolute shake of your head. “N-no,” you cry, digging your nails into his back. They run dark red lines over his skin, making him hiss at the sting.

Whatever punishment he’s trying to put himself through is falling through with your refusal to admit such a thing. It aggravates him even more, your adamant stance on loving him so, and he’s retracting his fingers before you can cum again. “Please,” he chokes, face tucked into your neck. He’s sloppy with his movements; as he pulls his shorts down and kicks them away, he nearly suffocates you with his weight. “I don’t deserve you, ___, please.”

“I love you,” you whimper for lack of explanation. Jungkook leans back, that same madman gaze in his glossy eyes. He’s looking at you in disbelief almost, pouty lips puckered and swollen. Your hands slip from around him, falling on either side of your head.

Like a cobra he strikes, collecting your wrists in one hand he pins above your head. The sudden movement has him leaning in close, lips brushing over yours. His lashes are coated in a wetness he refuses to acknowledge, looking at you like you drive him insane. “If you ever try to leave me,” he whispers, jerky breath fanning over your skin, “I’ll lose my mind.”

He loves you so much it aches.

“I won’t,” you whimper, feeling your own eyes well up with an emotion that consumes every inch of your being. “I’ll never leave you, you stupid, stupid boy.”

A faint smile crosses his features at your words, lips quirking to the side. You relish in it for all of two seconds before he’s ramming his cock into you, your sensitive walls spawning around him. You sob loudly, eyes rolling back into your head. Your legs instinctively hook themselves around his waist, digging into the base of his spine as he rolls his hips into you.

You feel full and complete like he belongs there in this moment and every moment after this. It makes your heart constrict painfully. Jungkook’s soft groans follow your more unraveled noises, the vulgar slapping of skin on skin the underlying melody to it all. “Ffffuck,” he spits, greedily swallowing your moans up. You whine, arms bucking in an effort to hold him close. But he’s determined in his act of restraining you, long fingers tightening around your wrists until they hurt. “I warned you, didn’t I?” he huffs, snapping his hips into you.

Your walls clench around his hard cock, the drag as he exits sending shivers throughout your body. Jungkook’s body towers over you, glistening in sweat as he nails you into your mattress. “Remember what I said?” he asks, voice but a shuddery exhale. You shake your head numbly, overwhelmed by the rough drag across your walls. “All those months ago, when you first came over,” he adds. The hand on your hip abandons its post to cup you beneath the jaw, palm pressing sinfully against your throat enough to block the tiniest of airflow. “I’ll fuck you and keep you forever,” he murmurs, voice deeper than the pits of hell. He licks a fat stripe over your cheek like you’re nothing but a sweet for him to devour. “Do you remember that, pretty girl?”

You nod jerkily, hips arching up into him when he thrusts into you again. It’s a memory that replays in your mind every so often, your first night with the man you had planned to humiliate over a mere misunderstanding, now your boyfriend of one year. “Want that,” you gasp, tears blurring your vision when he begins picking up the pace. “Wanna be y-your pretty girl forever.”

Jungkook groans, kissing the corner of your mouth. His thighs are some magnificent beings, keeping his pace consistent even as he loses himself in his overwhelming need to kiss you. “Always,” he manages, soft lips pressed against yours. “I won’t ever let you leave.”

A shriek tears itself from your lips as he picks up that harsh piston, releasing your jaw to hold both wrists above your head. It makes his curls dangle in front of his eyes, covering that beautiful dark gaze. It makes his thin little necklace swing back and forth too, though it’s too small to actually touch your face. The rhythmic swing has you hypnotized, just like everything else about Jungkook.

With the length of his hair, you’re left staring at his lips, pulled taut between his pearly white teeth. The word from before sits heavy in your chest, begs to drip from the tip of your tongue. But he’s moving too fast and too hard, scrambling your thoughts until all you can think about is the cock plunging into your heat. His name falls from your mouth like mindless blubber instead, arms thrashing as your second orgasm swallows you up. It sends you crashing, body spasming as the sheer euphoria waves over you slowly and then all at once.

“Perfect,” he grunts, leaning down to slot his mouth against yours, “my perfect girl.” Your cum makes the sound of his hips erotic, the loud squelching following your panting. Still sensitive from your high, your body unconsciously tightens around him, keeps his cock from fully leaving. It brings a soft whine out of Jungkook, one he tries to muffle against the side of your face.

“Inside,” you whimper, even though your body feels like jelly beneath him. “Cum inside, Kook, please,” you beg.

It only takes a few more thrusts into your leaking hole for him to finally reach paradise, hips stuttering when that first shot of pleasure hits him. “Fuck, fuck,” he growls, wildly snapping his hips into your achy cunt. You moan, feeling just about brainless at the overstimulation. His cum leaves you full, almost makes your belly bulge from it. When he’s done he doesn’t bother pulling away, simply slumping into your limp form. His cock, though quickly softening, serves as a plug for the cum threatening to spill out of you.

There’s a muted noise coming from the other room, the faint sound of the mail slipping through your letterbox, the quiet chattering of the street outside. And of course, the loud blaring of your laptop playing the Phineas and Ferb theme song. Jungkook registers it at about the same time as you, a soft chuckle leaving his lips.

He pushes off of you soon after, leaning on his palms over you. He’s got that molten look on his eyes, the heat of a thousand suns burning behind those irises as he looks at you. Like he can’t get enough, even though he’s just about taken everything there is to take. “Love you,” he murmurs quietly.

A drop of sweat rolls over his forehead, clinging to the end of his eyebrow. You reach up and brush it away, let your hand trail down his face to cup his cheek. Immediately he leans into the touch, eyes falling half shut. “Love you more,” you respond.

“Impossible,” he scoffs.

Soon after you’re both stumbling out of bed, clothes haphazardly shrugged back on as you drift through the living room. There’s a thin, hot pink package sitting at the door, just having slipped through the letterbox; the stark Sexuality Unleashed logo is printed on the visible side, so you have to wonder what Doyeon could have possibly ordered this time that could be so thin. The laptop is awkwardly sandwiched next to a throw pillow, barely open a crack. Jungkook retrieves it, sets it on his lap as you scamper over to the couch.

“More Phineas and Ferb?” he asks quietly. He hates it, you know he does. And still, he wants to watch it with you.

You nod. “Please.”

He isn’t so concerned with the plot as you, clicking some random episode to start. You snuggle into his side, quietly singing along to the opening. After a moment, Jungkook speaks again. “Phineas and Flirt?” he offers cheekily.

You roll your eyes. “That might’ve been your worst one yet,” you sigh, trying to drown out his indignant huff by focusing on the screen.

“I don’t exactly see you coming up with these,” he points out, obviously feeling wronged.

Without missing a beat you say, “Disney+ and bust.”

epilogue

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