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happilychaengs · 8 months

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love isn't enough

a/n: this is a repost bc i wanted to add more but you know me ‼️ writer's block and all that so it might just be kinda bad bc it's just been sitting in my drafts. also lmk if i missed a name bc i wrote this for sana originally

jihyo x gender neutral reader

angst

love is a fickle thing.

it's not the classic fairy tale sappiness nor is it the unbreakable bond people make it out to be in the movies. in reality, it's malleable. it's a sick and twisted thing, almost always used to hurt you. and maybe you don't notice it yet, but you will and when you do, it will tear your heart in two. it'll tear you piece by piece until all that's left is your cracked and broken psyche, afraid to love again. afraid to open up. afraid to be vulnerable.

and you know because that's what jihyo did to you.

it began with the promise of forever. with the stars by your side, and her hands interlocked with yours. they seemed to never let go, like she couldn't even imagine it. it was a distant, far-off thought that she couldn't possibly think of no matter what she did because then and only then, was she simply and truly in love with you.

you imagined it so when you stared in her eyes, the feelings she had for you so potent, you could almost see it bubble and rise up to the top. she kissed you then, and it was the only thing you could think of.

i'm only yours, she said and you believed it. because it was the truth but you should've known it wouldn't last. her love was already beginning to break. you weren't capable of keeping its shape.

her love began to twist, warping into whatever fit her narrative. the narrative of you and her. the narrative of why she was out for hours on end. the narrative of who the other girl was. just a friend, she would say.

but that's not to say she was the only one at fault because somewhere within you, you knew that whatever you felt was truly already broken. you just hadn't come to terms with it yet.

your love began distorting into the perfect mold for her. one that was so easily breakable and fixable again. one that jihyo could mold to her needs.

you love me, right? she would ask. and it's an attrocious word. love. it's a word that holds so much meaning over you and yet none at all when she leaves you alone in the night. she could've used that word with anyone else when she's laying in their bed, in their clothes, and whispering their name. and yet she can say she loves you the same.

it's disgusting and it's ironic.

you don't know why you didn't bring it up sooner when it was always an inch away, curdled up under the sheets, murmuring someone else's name. you don't know why you didn't bring it up sooner when her tone changed, that airy lightness replaced with a heavy guilt despite the continuous hurt she still brings you. you don't know why you didn't bring it up when your heart began to crack and she heard every bit fall to the ground.

you don't know why you stayed.

but maybe it was the way she promised you that fateful day that still holds something over you. forever. forever is a long time. time that you imagined jihyo would spend with you but she wouldn't. she couldn't. her love wouldn't allow it. it would rope her along, sweeping you up in the process.

what is your problem? do you not trust me? it's a mutter during the night sky, the darkness seeming to absorb any meaning those questions had. it's a pointless endeavor for her to even try ask but she relents, believing it would work. though the silence you give her serves as the reminder of mistakes she's made.

her love cracks like how yours did many times over.

you know. and there's only but an echo of guilt on her face and you realize it then, that maybe her promise really was always going to be empty. her hands glide across yours, grazing against your pale knuckles. did she ever love you after all? her shoulders relaxed, almost as if there was a weight off her shoulders.

and you didn't ever tell me. you never would've. the words are nothing shy of an accusation but there was nothing closer to the truth. maybe her love was all but an illusion. fabricated.

a tear falls, dribbling down your cheek as your heart begins to shatter.

maybe it was your love after all that was fickle.

#jihyo angst #jihyo x reader #jihyo imagines #twice x angst #twice x reader #twice imagines #twice scenarios #twice reactions

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etsuven · 1 year

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etsuven's first kinktober: day 7/8

rating: smut cw: bad, rushed writing i promise i'll write better smut for him in the future it's just been a while and i have to get back into the groove includes: temperature play, childe is tied up a bit, reader praises him and his body, this one is just short bc i HAVE to post something, honestly don't even read this just like and move along qwq everyone flops sometimes i just happen to do it a lot (actually do read this) summary: you and childe take advantage of your cryo vision...

note: heyyyyy... so uh, i still haven't posted days 5 and 6 of kinktober... why? i don't know, it's just really hard to write them sometimes. so i've decided to write days 7 and 8 now so that i won't have 4 fics backed up. also thanks for all of the support ive been getting lately in my fics! i genuinely didn't expect to get this much attention during this month. i've also been getting quite a few requests, so hopefully i'll get to writing them soon!!

your fingers were cold.

childe twitched in your grasp, a light whimper leaving his mouth at the unfamiliar feeling. he tried to pull his arms down to cover his bare chest, but they were bound to the headboard with a soft rope. your fingers brushed against his steadily hardening nipples, and he found himself moaning and involuntarily arching into your touch.

"is everything okay?" your sweet voice reached his ears, and he looked over to see you smirking at him, your hands hovering at his waist. childe nodded quickly, feeling unusually shy in your gaze.

"it's just weird, that's all." he spoke, and you let out a little hum as a response. you moved around on the bed, sitting in between his legs. grabbing at his bare thighs, you pushed them towards his body, almost pressing them against the bed below him. childe felt a whimper leave his throat. even though the position was far from normal, it was still embarrassing to have you see all of him.

suddenly, a freezing hand was felt along his v-line. you trailed your fingers up and down the line, feeling your lover grind against you in an attempt to get away from the sensation. he must have been so sensitive...

childe had brought up the idea of temperature play with your vision a few days prior, but you weren't able to really get into it until now due to his work schedule. now that he was off for the day, you finally decided to try his idea. and boy was he glad he suggested it.

he watched as you laid down on the bed, your cold fingers grasping at his thighs in order to pull them over your shoulders. the harbinger gasped at the sudden touch, to which you let out a quick apology before connecting your lips with his inner thigh.

your lips were shockingly warm compared to the now cold skin of his thigh, and every little kiss towards his cock felt like little shocks. small praises left your lips as you kissed towards his tip- things about how pretty he looked under you and how gorgeous his body was.

the feeling of your warm mouth enveloping his cock made childe groan into the air, his arms pulling at his restraints once more. you moved your head a bit, getting used to the feeling before deciding to use your hand where you couldn't reach. your cold hand.

"shit, that's cold- (y/n)!" a louder than expected moan left his mouth as you began quickly moving your head. the coldness on the bottom of his cock was replaced by the warmth of your mouth as your head occasionally went down further, making for a rather strange yet overwhelming feeling as the temperatures changed.

childe felt a knot forming in his abdomen, though this time it seemed to want to be released quicker. wanting to warn you of his impending orgasm, he moaned out that he was close, but it only seemed to spur you on.

you began to move quicker, and childe only moaned louder until he eventually came. you had managed to move your head just before his orgasm, his cum splattering all over your hand and the sheets under the two of you.

your lover panted into the air in an attempt to catch his breath, blinking the steadily forming tears out of his eyes. he looked down at you with weary eyes, though there was a hint of something behind them that you couldn't quite put your finger on.

"so uh... how about a round two?" he whispered, a small smirk on his face. you rolled your eyes. you should have expected this a while ago. but since he wanted it so bad, you couldn't just deny him,

right?

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin fanfic #childe #tartaglia #genshin childe #genshin impact childe #childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #genshin impact x reader #sub genshin #sub genshin impact #sub childe #dom reader #kinktober 2022 #etsuven's kinktober 2022

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kagejima · 2 years

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for wakatoshi wednesday:

just imagined wakatoshi who thinks he’s discreet abt his crush on tendō’s gf is actually not discreet when one day tendō facetimes him and lets wakatoshi see his gf putting on a show for him,,, he gets off and the most profound and dirty filth comes from his mouth that surprises everyone,,, bby just is really pent up bc of volleyball is all 😵‍💫‼️

KURISU COMING INTO MY HOUSE AND JUST DROPPING SPICY THINGS LIKE THIS FADHJFAKLS (i actually have a fic about this.... it's not tendou's gf.... but teeheehee) anyways the ramble im about to do omfg

my thoughts under the cut

Okay, but in Wakatoshi's defense, you are very cute, so how is he NOT supposed to have a crush on you?? How is he not supposed to stare at you in your cute outfits every time you and Tendou drop by after his Adlers practice to go out to eat? (side note: if you ((general you)) are here for canon universe, i am not the girl for you lol)

And how is he not supposed to blush when you give him a congratulatory hug after a game and he's gotta not lose his damn mind because your body is pressed against his?

obviously everything is discussed beforehand.

and wakatoshi THINKS he's doing a good job of being discreet about his crush on you, but he really isn't. in fact, he's doing awful. so awful that tendou AND you both notice it.

and tendou's ears perk up when you ask tendou if wakatoshi is seeing anyone.

and tendou is like "no, why do you ask?"

and you shrug and you're like "i dunno. i wanna indulge him a little if he's okay with it. but i just wanted to make sure he wasn't with anyone first."

and tendou gets this little sly look on his face, he's like "oh? does my little dove want to have some fun?"

... ........ the next conversation wakatoshi has with tendou is hilarious. when tendou asks him if he's okay with it, the man is agreeing to it so fast that he starts choking on his own saliva.

the thing is? tendou won't tell him when. toshi knows he should expect a facetime call, but tendou wants to keep him on his toes.

so toshi has dreams in the meantime. so many dreams. a few of them he ends up having to change his sheets (now he owns three different fitted sheets bc he got tired of washing the one he owned)

tendou lets... maybe a month pass.

and the night that it happens, he waits until he knows wakatoshi is about to go to sleep. he knows his best friend like the back of his hand, so he knows exactly what time he's going to sleep each night to keep up his athletic regimen.

and tendou has gotten you nice and worked up - because he told you before he started teasing you that tonight would be the night he was going to call toshi.

baby, your whole body is buzzing. you're ready to go and tendou barely has to do anything because the thought of seeing toshi naked for the first time has you on your knees.

but tendou won't call toshi until you're nice and ready for him.

and tendou is whispering in your ear that you need to touch yourself and make sure that you're nice and wet to show to toshi, you don't want to disappoint him now, do you? he's waited so long to see you...

tendou doesn't call toshi until you're wiggling on the bed and whimpering and begging him to call toshi.

because tendou also won't let you come until toshi has.

and toshi, oh poor sweet unaware oblivious toshi is just trying to go to sleep for the night when he gets the facetime call from tendou.

and when toshi answers, he's expecting to see the face of his best friend.

instead, he sees you.

toshi sees you, completely naked on your bed and writhing around on it, moaning his name, touching yourself and making a mess all over yourself and he hears tendou behind the phone

"look what you did to her, toshi..."

toshi immediately gets hard, and he whips the comforter off his body, turning on his bedside lamp

MAN HAS BEEN WAITING A WHOLE MONTH, HE'S EXCITED, OKAY? can you blame him?

and you're whimpering and circling your clit and humping your hand while tendou still has his phone on you, and you're begging toshi to let you see him

toshi is about to come on the spot because this is better than the dreams he had about you all month

and toshi likes to sleep naked, so his hand immediately falls down to his cock and he starts stroking it. tendou smiles as he turns the screen to you for you to see what's happening

and toshi gets even harder when you start chanting his name like a prayer, bucking into your hand and your back is sweaty and sticking to the sheet

you're hiccupping and moaning as you watch toshi tilt his phone screen down so you see his massive hand moving over his thick velvety cock, the sheen on his cock from his precum is glimmering from the light of his bedside lamp

and toshi hears tendou say "she isn't allowed to come until you do, toshi. are you going to help her?"

toshi has thought about this for too long. toshi has wanted you for so long. toshi can't believe this is happening right now.

toshi can't believe the words that are coming out of his mouth right now.

"fuck..." toshi hisses as his grip on his cock tightens, "you look so fucking beautiful right now, angel."

tendou is taken aback, but he's not going to interrupt.

"what do you want from me?" toshi asks you, his hand still moving over his cock. he brings his phone screen farther away from himself so you can see more of his body better.

but it's not enough, he wants you to see his face too while he's talking to you.

he awkwardly sets his phone up on his bed so you can see all of him, his cock aching and throbbing because his phone speaker is filled with the whimpers and moans of your sweet voice and wet sloppy noises of you trying to chase after your high.

when he has his phone set up better, his hand goes right back to his cock.

"what do you want from me, angel?" toshi asks you again.

and you're hiccupping and sobbing, watching his cock leak all over as he fucks his fist roughly and slowly, trying to keep the same pace as him.

"cock-- wan' your cock, toshi..." you hiccup

toshi groans as he focuses on the head of his cock and you cry out, hearing the sweet and slick noises of his actions.

"yeah?" toshi breathes, "do you wanna know what i wanna do to you?"

and you're nodding and whimpering as your whole body feels like it's on fire.

"dreamed about you and your sweet little mouth," toshi moans, "fucking your little mouth until your throat was raw... want my-- fuck-- want you clawing at me and telling me how good im making you feel..."

tendou turns up the volume on his phone to hear toshi better bc you're straight up wailing at this point, trying to hold off your own orgasm.

"god, i'm so jealous of tendou..." he hisses, "getting to fuck you all the time."

toshi can't stop his words. they come tumbling out.

"you'd look so pretty with both of us in you... you want that? you want both of us filling you up?"

you don't answer him.

you can't, because your whole body is trembling as you start to come, and tendou's free hand falls down to your cunt, taking over for you when you move your own hand away.

toshi groans your name as ropes of cum leave the tip of his cock, his whole body jerking as he continues to fuck his fist for as long as tendou is still touching you and prolonging your orgasm

both you and toshi are shivering and coming down from your highs, and toshi looks at the screen again to see tendou now on screen.

"so are you gonna get in your car and come over here or do we gotta come there?" tendou wants to know.

#what's the matter with queue #DASDJSHFAS I DID NOT MEAN FOR THIS TO BE THIS LONG!!!#if this has typos i will fix them later dont worry #rae's wakatoshi wednesdays #ushijima smut #also i dont have facetime i have an android so if i got it wrong how facetime works sorryyyyyy lmao

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somecunttookmyurl · 2 years

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love following you for the occasional "you absolutely can do this. you can work out why you aren't and you can fix it and if you're not doing that shut the fuck up and wallow somewhere else i ain't helping you". i find it really motivational like goddamn it you're right i CAN solve this and if i'm not trying why should anyone else? it's like... get your shit together (affectionate). that said do you have any tips for ADHD besides flowcharting executive dysfunction

that's it lad. pick yourself up, dust yourself off.

what works or doesn't work for you is gonna be personal depending how your adhd affects you (flowcharting works basically all the time as a general checklist but the specifics of remembering to take care of those things in the first place are gonna vary)

the first step to finding, or devising, an adhd lifehack is knowing what problem you're actually trying to solve. "i don't remember my meds" isn't the problem. why? what's stopping you? is it more a time blindness issue (i don't notice time has passed until whoops it's afternoon and whoops) or a noise/visual blindness issue (do i stop paying attention to my meds being there or stop noticing reminders)

those are linked of course and most of us struggle with both but you gotta understand what you're trying to fix first

that said. for me:

i know things becoming visual/background noise is a problem for me. this means that any kind of external reminder (that isn't from an actual human being) like alarms, post-it notes, leaving things in obvious locations, or signs will only work for a limited time. at some point i'm going to stop paying attention to it and it will stop working

so then switch to something else. move or change the visual reminder. set a different alarm sound at a different time. there's an app somewhere that i don't remember the name of that lets you set alerts that go off at a random time within a window (like... somewhere between 2 and 3pm) which is better than the same one all the time.

change them around as necessary

i know routine is important in adhd and one of the biggest reasons it often goes undiagnosed until adulthood is that children have external routines and tasks set by teachers & parents so the problem isn't apparent until you move out and suddenly find yourself woefully unqualified for the position of zookeeper

i don't have a job so there isn't actually any external structure to my life at all which is very hard for adhd. i don't have specific times to do things at (because as we all know if you're doing it at 7 and then it gets to 7:01 you Obviously Can't Do It) but i do have a routine for my housework. the bed is made and dishes done every day, but other tasks fall on a specific day of the week and eventually it all gets done

i know what day it is by which thing i cleaned yesterday. ask my friends what day i change my sheets and do my laundry.

getting up and going to bed at the same time(ish) every day is, groan moan moan yeah i know, unfortunately annoyingly effective and important. but it's also good for me to have a specific "get up" and "go to bed" routine.

i don't take my meds for about 3 hours after i get up because they don't last as long as they should and i don't want them to kick in before my physical form arrives on the scene. so in that window if i sit down it is Game Fucking Over.

as soon as i get up, i make the bed before i even leave the room. i go and put the kettle on. i fill the sink with hot water to do the dishes. i go and wash my face and do the first step of skincare. the kettle is done, so tea is started. go back and do more face stuff. now tea is brewed. more hygiene stuff. do the dishes whilst tea cools now they've been soaking a lil bit. last bit of hygiene stuff. drink tea and write list for the day. cross off "dishes" and "make bed" as soon as you write them. brush teeth. NOW i can go to the sofa of death.

i take a bath at night bc it helps my muscle pains so whilst that's running i clean the kitty litter, and tidy away anything in the wrong place (mug back to the kitchen, trash thrown away, shoes in the shoe rack, yarn in the bag etc)

if i don't Know what i'm doing i will do nothing. i will be confused john travolta. there's a reason you see people at the gym with little notebooks occasionally - if you go in there with a plan you're not aimlessly wandering wasting time and don't forget anything

to that end, i need a to-do list. physical works better than digital because forming the words in writing with my hands is more distinctive than typing and also there is an (ever changing) physical reminder of it on my table next to me.

i don't get the "ticking a thing off the list" dopamine thing that people talk about. crossing things off brings me no particular satisfaction. but it keeps me grounded to what i want to do and stops me wandering off and forgetting things. i write "meds" on it every morning as a secondary reminder to take my pills and you wouldn't believe how often i still forget but at least i normally get reminded before it's too late.

how big or small you make the tasks on your list is up to you. too many, and you might get overwhelmed by it looking like too much (or running out of room on the paper). too few and they might be too vague so you still get stuck, or be too large to reasonably accomplish in one go. for example "clean kitchen" is too big - i might forget a part of that, and also i can't do the whole thing at once which runs the risk of it not being finished. but listing every task separetely is ridiculous. it would be really long, and some things only take a minute or two.

so it gets split into 2 or 3 tasks. "clean counters / oven" "wipe down cupboards & clean out fridge" (i sweep and mop on a different day bc the bathroom and hall also need swept and mopped so they all get done together as a separate task)

"vacuum" although not too vague is too big to do at once. it hurts my back and it's exhausting so i do the living room and bedroom separately. 2 tasks.

and if all that starts failing and i'm struggling to Get My Shit Together, i ask my friends to give me 20 min and check in on me.

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kaeyahiya · 1 year

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SFW Kaveh Headcanon

bc he is upcoming babygirl of the month whom I adore

-------- ••• ------- ✧ °✧° ✧ -------- ••• -------

Pairing: None technically

Warning: Mentions of him being shipped with Al-Haitham (my bad sorry) and use of strong language

Word count: 362

Authors note: Please enjoy my stream of consciousness that just sorta came out whenever I think about this man. I'm literally so in love with him and his boyfriend roommate, it's not even funny.

-------- ••• ------- ✧ °✧° ✧ -------- ••• -------

Kaveh will look Alhaithm up and down before he leaves the house

There was an incident one time where he left the house looking like a mess

Kaveh has standards and refuse to have people around him looking sloppy

This man you can trust to be like "Your legs do look amazing in that but it's ugly so.. no change."

When you first get to know him this may seem harsh in the way he criticizes your looks but that's just how he is

It's out of love and endearment

However if Al-Haitham says anything he will disagree with him no matter what his opinion is

Those two get mistaken for lovers with how often the bicker I swear. It bring the "and they were roommate-""oh my god they were roommate" troupe to the next fucking level

Off topic sorry

Anyway

Kaveh has a strong work ethic

He gets really invested into the projects he works on

Sometimes it's all he can talk about

Kaveh is an avid drink but also a tea connoisseur

He used to drink coffee but it reminds him too much of his Akademiya days, working 72 hour days on projects with no sleep

Speaking of sleep

For the first month of living with Alhaitham he had to share a bed with him and he absolutely hates the sheets

Threw a fit about it every night

"Why do your sheets feel like a child made them?! Why do you subject yourself to this?

"Why don't you move out then!!!"

He also needs at least 8 hours of sleep, he claims it's for his beauty rest

Despite being a scholar of the Akademiya, he's seeks a lot of pleasure in aesthetics and vanity

AKA he spends hours getting ready in the morning

Despite that he is normally the first one to show up for anything

A party, he'll help whoever is throwing it set up

A meeting, extra time to make his plans look pretty

You name it Kaveh will be there first

All around I think he's good at what he does, and though he does tend to brag at bit that what makes him babygirl himself

-------- ••• ------- ✧ °✧° ✧ -------- ••• -------

Just a reminder my asks are open once again, please send me some requests if you want 🧍🏻‍♂️

#genshin impact #kaveh headcanons #genshin impact headcanons #my writing #genshin impact kaveh #kavehaitham #slightly???#it's mentioned okay

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yuichi-ro · 2 years

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In honor of Mother's Day tomorrow, what would Hanma and Baji do? Would they both remember when it was? Would there be a little something special in the bedroom that night?? I must know 🤔

Do I want to be left alone on mother's day? Yes. Do any of them fucking listen? No 😐

sfw wise- they both buy into the consumerism of it all. Baji and Hanma will both bitch about every other holiday being a cooperate scam but on Mother's day I'm waking up to flowers I have to put outside bc the cats eat them, hinky DIY crafts they bought off eBay to do with the kids that only partially worked and so much candy and perfume that it honestly restocks my perfume collection for the entire year.

Mother's day is about the only day of the year Baji attempts anything in the kitchen which is scary itself. Breakfast in bed, which should consist of normal breakfast foods, somehow morphed into ramen, toast with sprinkles on it (the kids doing), some weird smoothie I won't ask what's in it and so many unwrapped individual candies. Which of course they all pile into bed and eat with me. Benefit of this Hanma does always change the sheets on mother's day bc the kids + their fathers + all the pets do not make for a relaxing breakfast in bed experience

over all though they are particularly thoughtful and it's pretty cute to see two grown men and two mini versions of themselves trying to out do themselves yearly

nsfw wise-

alright this might be my favorite part of mother's day.

it's probably one of the few times a year (aside from maybe my birthday) that I let both of them top (since I pretty much baby Baji 99% of the time in the bedroom and Hanma's such a switch) This is where those nice clean sheets Hanma put on the morning of after the breakfast mess really get me going

I don't have to lift a finger. Suuuuch a lazy pillow princess on Mother's day and I eat it all up. Honestly so do the both of them

probably one of the few times I let them kinda dom me and Baji and Hanma get real excited to smash me between the two of them. Hanma's almost exclusively on the bottom and Baji's behind me. Not gonna lie...some nice double penetration might happen on mother's day where I get to be a fucked dumb princess who doesn't have to move a muscle as I should be

#everything is glued to me on mother's day #worse than they already are #the kids their fathers even the god damn animals #i mean...its cute #obviously i wouldnt trade it for anything #but holy shit im drowning in two dumb men #hanma cooks on mothers day and baji does dishes #its hot #its why i willingly have sex with them later #but they do stupid crafts with the kids like making molds of hands and feet but fuck it up every year #i have so many molds of the kids with like only three or four fingers #the instructions are so simple idk how they fuck it up #crafting is painful in my house but i let it happen -_-#wifey.♡#three.selfships #haajee.♡

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ancient-reverie · 19 days

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people don't seem to grasp how much stress I'm under so here's a list so I can show it to them:

Cat that has asthma needs a pill every other day. occasionally needs an inhaler at night.

Cat that has kidney disease and had a seizure Friday night.

rabbit with permanent head tilt and balance issues with an eye issue prone to uti's that takes daily medication

rabbit that suddenly started having stomach problems tonight out of the blue. rare but happens and then i have to syringe feed her every four hours until she's eating on her own again

I'm the only one on top of flea meds and vet check ups for the entire house ( 6 cats, 2 dogs, 2 rabbits)

I need to double check my dentist appointment is on the 10th and if not schedule one (I am bad at this, talking to people is hard and I have anxiety attacks on the phone. the only way to really know is via phone call)

made an appointment for an hrt related checkup which is easy but I now have to decide if I want to tell them if I wanna continue hrt or go off it (the reasons are unrelated to my gender identity)

waiting for said Dr from said gender clinic to approve refill on said hrt because I'm out. because they charged me full price but only gave me half of my refill last time.

need to move furniture in my room and clean before it makes me and the kids sick. there's rabbit pee soaked into the floor under a cat tree and under a cabinet and I just haven't been able to clean it.

also need to rearrange to give my rabbits areas more conducive to their and my existence

and to make space so my cats feel more included

feeling guilt that my oldest cat with kidney disease is dying and I haven't spent time with her like I want to because of my two other cats and her not getting along. but she's dying so what do I do

she dying what do I do? I don't want her to die in a vet office. I want her to be able to be asleep on a bed in the house and I don't know how to do that vets don't make house calls anymore

nicotine addiction

gotta give all my kids the love and affection they deserve bc any of them could get into something or have a sudden health problem and die at any moment

no one to talk to about it

have to clean my room. have to take dishes down before they grow mold. some of them I'm sure already are. this is a common occurrence.

need to do laundry. have no more clean sheets.

think the cat peed on the foot of the bed. haven't been able to really check. just keep ignoring it. it's not by my face and the cat still lays in that corner. (cat box in room makes me nose blind to cat pee a lot of the time and)

cats pee in random places of room and on their scratchers. regularly smelling cat pee in specific spots around room. sometimes it is just a hallucination.

no one can stand to listen to me list everything I have going on.

closet needs to be cleaned and sorted. things to give away and go into storage need to be hauled downstairs. (i am weak and physically not good but no one is able to help)

fish tank got a water change recently but I fear it won't last longer than a week and I'll need to take everything out and deep clean which takes me 4 ish hours bc I'm slow and it hurts

trying to find meaning and purpose in life. is art the career path I want or just a hobby? should I be writing? should I be making friends?

can't leave the house without having anxiety attacks.

not seen as myself by those around me (family) just as a conglomerate of actions. not seen for my actions and struggles by the people around me (family)

intrusive thoughts intrusive thoughts intrusive thoughts intrusive thoughts intrusive thoughts intrusive thoughts intru-

oh I was loading a bowl- *distracted for 15 mins* oh right I was loading a bowl- *distracted for 15 mins* fuck I'm loading a bowl *loads bowl* *distracted for 15 mins* *takes hit* *distracted for 15* *takes a hit* *distracted for 15* ADHD having ass

dissociation derealization depersonalization dissociate derealize depersonalize dddddddddddddd error

someone inside my head actually screaming and tearing at their skin with their claws

someone inside my head deciding to verbally and emotionally and physically abuse someone else in the system

someone doing drugs in the mindspace and all the issues that come with it

someone having flashbacks after being triggered

friends aren't going to text me. I keep my phone on silent. it's been silent since the beginning of the year. it's currently april. I'm used to it being silent now. it hasn't caused me to miss anything.

I have no one to talk to and therapy isn't what I crave. therapy is a fake version of what I need. I need someone to want to listen to me without being paid to do so

who has time to eat in this action economy

want to finish my games. want to finish bg3 before everyone else. before it gets spoiled. want to finish stray. want to finish doom. want to start doom eternal

want to be into vrchat more and work on my anxiety

want to finish at least the two books on my desk

who has the energy to shower and brush their teeth everyday? not this bag of bastards.

want to trim my hair. want my friends to see my long hair though

need to finish two paintings for two besties. one I don't know if I wanna continue it or start over (again for the fifth time). and one I haven't even decided on the pose for but tried to start.

one of the alters needs glasses but as you can see we are better off being in denial until we really genuinely need glasses because there's more pressing issues

relationships with family members is all we have but it is bad and idk if the family members have any idea. I think they think it's fine and have no idea that I really don't get along with them and living with them is killing me but I can't move out

gotta hide the self harm ! which is second nature to me but still a stressor

I'm not gonna buy cigarettes I have a tank mod and a small vape with replaceable pods. I'm not gonna buy cigarettes I have a tank mod and a small vape with replaceable pods. I'm not gonna buy cigarettes I have a tank mod and a small vape with replaceable pods. I'm not gonna buy cigarettes I have a tank mod and a small vape with replaceable pods.

I need a new ps4 controller so I can use my expensive console taking up room on my desk and all the games I paid for and spent hours downloading

I just wanna buy new sex toys but I don't need them and we just laid off all the credit cards and I don't have money to blow on needed things. I donated to a lot of people this year instead

it's getting hotter and I'm going to have to run my AC constantly soon but it has black mold growing in it. and you don't have to be allergic for that to be an issue but I do happen to be allergic and one of my cats has asthma. and idk how to clean take it apart, let alone do it by myself but it looks like that's gonna be what happens.

trash and recycling needs to be taken out before I go back to throwing everything on the floor like I was doing for a little bit bc it's all too much

need to pick up the mess siruss made from tearing up semi important lists we need in a fit of stress and being overwhelmed

remember to put the night guard in before laying down so you don't crush your teeth in your sleep and have to get a 3rd (4th?) crown where your molars are supposed to be

can't even be addicted to weed in so goddamn stresses but watch out! forgetting to smoke is forgetting meds and the IBS, acid reflux, ADHD, chronic full body pain, chronic specific body pain, depression, anxiety, existentialism and fatigue will getcha!

just picked up meds from vet. god it's expensive. but that's off the list now........ until it's back on the list again.

don't ask for help. they are busy, you're literally watching them be busy or have downtime to relax after being busy. oh you got the courage to ask anyway? ah they're not interested. ah yes it's too dirty/hard/inconvenient/simple and maybe you should just do it.

and now feel the many emotions associated with asking for help and being told no again. become unable to do thing you needed help with at all. or can't do it without help at all to begin with so fuck me I guess.

do whatever it is they ask you to do. even if you just asked for help and they said no, if they need you to do something you go do it and if you don't you are a bad person and will be made out as selfish and lazy and forced to feel guilt.

that dragon adoptable game luckily only needs to be kept up with every three days. unless there's an event and then at least casual grinding and dailies must be kept up with.

pokemon sleep is an addiction and I want to quit it but I'm struggling and don't know what to do bc if I have raikou I want the other two but I could literally quit right now and it wouldn't matter and I'd be a little more free please help

my oldest cat needs to be brushed more bc she can't groom herself as well nowadays and my brother can't stand having hair on him. he'll pet her and wipe is hand off and not really scratch her and I hate it so much. she has small mats here and there and I feel like a shitty parent

my rabbits need to be brushed constantly until all their mats are out from winter coat that just hasn't come out completely yet. the head tilt rabbit can't even reach most of his body to clean it.

I also have to clean their butts for the same reason

one of my cats keeps leaving small poops OUTSIDE of the litter box

my oldest with the kidney issues and my middle child cat both throw up a once or twice a week and I don't know why. the oldest has always been that way. my middle child has nothing else up with him thank fuck but this and eye gunk

I have to remember to drink water or tea or liquids more than just a few sips a day. I HAVE. TO. or I'll get a UTI. and bc I dissociate from my body sensations I won't notice the UTI until it starts hurting my kidneys and then it's crunch time to get antibiotics before I end up in the hospital which is a valid fear bc it has happened before and it almost happened a second time

can't physically do what I need without feeling sick. probably bc I can't take care of myself. which is probably bc I can't do anything without feeling ill. which is probably bc I don't take care of myself. which is probably bc i-

I'm so overwhelmed that I don't do anything I need to and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds

and I'm so overwhelmed that I start new projects and come up with new and more things to do and look for the old things I never did and never finished as well

and I'm so overwhelmed that I want to write again because nothing is in my control because there's no such thing as control because nothing matters and it's chaos and that's beautiful and I love life but I don't know what to do when I just want to pause everything but I can't pause everything and taking a break doesn't make me feel better it just lets everything build and makes me feel more on edge

dissociating isn't taking a break

and I wonder if being on Lexapro again would help but I know it wouldnt last

and I wonder if I should trip on shrooms bc it's been nearly an entire year. but I have such a limited amount and I need them for when I need them (I don't know when that is but I'll know when it happens) and the friend I got them from hasn't spoken to me in months

my go-to anxious intrusive thought is that he's dead. unfortunately that thought... well it's not as delusional as I'd like it to be. we dated for a little over a year, and then some more on and off and we even had sex this year. he is the only friend I have that lives close to me. (close is an hour and a half away)

my bestie who lives in the same state is 3 hours away. she's in school. she also has mental health struggles. she's not good at texting and she says this herself often.

I have other friends that live in the state but... I haven't spoken to them in years and I didnt ever let them in fully, and I'm afraid (I don't know what I'm afraid of)

my other besties live out of state. one is in Cali. the other is in North Carolina. I am in Texas.

the one in Cali I met online and have only met in person once. she's engaged. idk when the wedding is but im going, I'm invited of course. she's busy with work and mental health also. she used to have alters that we talked to. Sy was married to one of them

siruss dealing with pain of past relationships and trauma and everything

the NC bestie also used to have alters. siruss used to date bestie though. she's busy with work and mental health. and though we've never talked about it I feel like there's something off between us that neither of us want to touch. or maybe it's just me.

or maybe it's siruss wanting to let go and not being able to

and maybe we need to meet new friends who will see us and give us something new to think about and someone we can share stories with who won't agonize over hearing old names.

idk how to make friends anymore Im so tired and I distrust people

I'm so tired we fall asleep with the vibrator and don't even get to jerk off which trust me is not great. the nighttime endorphins dose is quite necessary to function the next day. TMI we're not a morning masturbator bc the pussy ends up wet all day and it's not sexy when there's no one to appreciate it and you're horrified about getting a UTI

I miss my chickens...

I want new tattoos before I die of stress and my body is thrown in the ground more bare than it should be.

I want to gain weight so I feel and look healthier and maybe it'll help me not feel sick and weak and in as much pain

but the kids are dying as the seconds pass and the dust is building on the shelves and the dishes are piling up and the trash is starting to smell sour and the recycling is overflowing and my desk is too cluttered to set anything down and I need to love them more and be around them more and I need to stop watching YouTube and I need to start drawing and I need to travel and I need to live life but everything costs money and nothing lasts and I'm too much for everyone that I've met but I will still love them with all my heart and I don't think it's their fault they are only humans and I'm an unspeakable amount of divine/demonic/cosmic/paranormal entities with their own traumas and lives and backgrounds and intricate details eating up my insides- do you know how long it takes to get to know one person? the answer is you never know one person- imagine that but for 6 people all vying and deserving of being known and seen

and there's genocides and wars all over the planet. and there's deforestation and poachers. and there's puppy mills and inbreeding. and there's capitalism and heteronormativity. and I can't stop thinking about Nex Benedict and Aaron Bushnell. I can't stop thinking about the BLM protests. and I can't stop thinking about the Hong Kong protests. and I can't stop thinking about China. and human trafficking. and polution. and how the news and media that most people see don't say anything important and fear monger and emotionally manipulate for views and clicks. and nothing is real and no one tells the truth and even if it is the truth no one knows for certain. you never know what really happened unless you see it with your own eyes.

and it's all a stupid game we could all decide to stop playing and simply give people food and shelter and wifi and safety and medical attention. money doesn't have to exist we can just do things for each other but everyone forgot what reality was. which is about being outside and talking with people you love.

and I'm not suicidal anymore, although I do wish to lay at the foot of a tree until it grows around and envelops me. turning my being into immortality itself and sending my consciousness into the fabric of roots pulsing across terra until im one with the gods

#hell o void #hell o hadal #hell o popsicle #hell o pyro #this post #.nola

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jolly-at-nite · 6 months

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Cherish me, Cherish him.

I don't know why it is so incredibly hurtful to me. Why it strikes my heart the way it does. Why my soul drops a little, when our son is screaming.

That deep guttural cry he does, when his voice dies out to a hoarse crackling sound. The one cry we both detest bc he turns another color and his tiny body gets all stiff.

The one you know creates so much stress in you, and fear within me. The one I told you, I hate. The one he was doing when as I am sitting on the bed struggling to calm him down, and I see you turn your back to me and continue to sleep.

I don't know why at that moment I felt like crying. Or why I felt like crying when I awoke you earlier bc I was overwhelmed and over stimulated and I told you that I didn't know why he was still crying.

How at that moment I was panicking and I was venerable, for the first time, I tried to reach out to you about how I wish you would help me more, with less words.

I looked at you with blurry vision, I needed your help. And you asked me if I can make him a bottle.

I knew it then.

I struggled to carry out angry baby in my sore and really weak hands, my legs burning they too grow weary. I walked into the bathroom and look into the sink and every single one of his bottles laid there scattered dirty in the porcelain.

I knew I will never again no matter how much I struggle. How much I cry when our son is finally asleep in my arms. That I will never reach out to you again. I will let you rest and sleep.

And I will tend to my, our son alone during this nights and all day. And to appease you and your parents, I will get up and cook for you guys too and I will go through the motions of eating although, my hunger has died. Although the taste of food is growing ever numb in my tongue.

And even though I don't sleep nor am I getting sleep to the point that my head is light and I am dizzy. I will let you sleep and I will not utter a single word of help to you. Bc you are just like them mine love, you are just like everyone in my life who depends on me to help support them but I am objectively forgotten.

We have this routine. I stay awake with our son all night till 2 am when it's your "shift". Where you are supposed to get up and watch our son until you leave for work at 630.

Lately, I and you know this, I am awoken every time but our sons screams and I look over and he is in your arms. Why is he crying in your arms? Why when you know I haven't slept are you not actively trying to sooth him? Why is it at 3 or at 4, or at 5 that I have to force my pained body up from bed to take our son from you to sooth him myself?

And you say to me "I'm sorry", what? You're sorry? Again? Again?! I tell you, rock him, stand up and rock him. Hold him to your chest. He is still screaming and crying and you are just looking at him do this?

And I awake again, and I ask for my, our son and I out him to my chest and you say, " I tried that", and I bounce him and our son stops screaming. And he lays his head into my chest and he goes to sleep.

And then I hear you snore. And I have to stay awake until you wake up at 730 and leave to work.

And I stay at home, and I lay our son down and he sleeps and I try to sleep but there are calls coming in for our son and for myself. And I have to take the dogs outside, and I have to change the dirty sheets, and I have to eat at least sometime so I don't see that disappointed look and hear that disappointed tone in your voice.

And I struggle to sleep during the day. Between our sons short naps and our dogs demanding attention and our room going to disarray and me caring for other people in my family.

And my anxiety is eating away at me, and I want to sleep but I can't. And I am deteriorating infront of your eyes but I smile bc the weight of worrying you and your empty concern is just as painful.

I am tired.

#real life #struggle #parenting #motherhood #spilled thoughts #firstime #reality #anxitey #mom #rambles #escapism #longing #reflection

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ilottcallum · 3 years

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i've been awake so long that it's getting brighter on the outside (??) again

#i'm on my period and my periods are so heavy that i'm fucking afraid to sleep #bc i don't want to change my bed sheets every day #okay its just almost 3am but uh this northern finland summertime it is #i don't even know if this post is grammatically correct im just here suffering and being nauseous and bleeding #random ramblings #not f1 or hockey

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pennylanewrites · 3 years

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chapter 1 ※ why won’t you love me?

playlist: spotify link

pairings: eren yeager x fem!reader, eren x mikasa

genre: angst, smut

word count: 3.1k

cw: marijuana use, eren and reader are complete assholes, infidelity, semi-public oral(f.receiving), unprotected sex, mentions of pregnancy, a lot of dialogue

a/n: hiiii! this is the first chapter of my eren series, the fic title and the chapters’ titles are all 5sos lyrics bc if you didn’t know, i have to include 5sos in everything <33 enjoy and let me know if you want to be added to the taglist for upcoming chapters <33

part two // back to masterlist

Your hand fell on the mattress, on top of Spiderman sheets that used to always make you chuckle. Now they just left a bittersweet memory of their owner. You thought you'd meet another open palm, but the weight on the right side of the bed shifted until it was off completely. Turning to face the wall, you shut your eyes and wrapped your arms around your naked torso.

The sound of footsteps on carpet, the flick of a lighter, a cloud of smoke. A pair of tattooed, rough arms around you.

"Don't fall asleep here."

You sighed and pushed the man off of you, rolling to the side of the bed to retrieve your tossed clothes. An index finger tapped your shoulder, making you flinch. You shrugged him off and got dressed quickly, despite your sore legs.

"Is she coming over?"

"What? Oh, huh- yeah."

"You should change your sheets then." He looked back at his bed, chuckling at a small pool of liquid that was slowly drying off. "Eren?" You called his name from the door of his bedroom.

"Yes, baby?" Your heart ached at the nickname he gave you as his piercing jade gaze fell on your face. Bottom lip trembling, eyes watering; just like everytime you left the apartment that you sneaked into through the emergency ladder.

"This was the last time."

"I know."

You both knew it wasn't the last time. Maybe Eren was more sure than you were, his slight grin giving him away, but after all, you always came back to him. Every time faster than the one before.

This time it was no less than five hours, no more than six. Connie and Sasha's party made it impossible for your paths not to cross; and it didn't really help either that you and Eren had been best friends since the moment you were born.

Eren, Armin, Mikasa and you. Always together, never apart for too long. From your parents teasing you and Eren that you'll marry, to forming a sibling bond in elementary, to finally realizing he's a boy in middle school. The only issue there was that Mikasa had realized that too. She beat you to confessing, on your high school graduation day, her and Eren made it official quickly; maybe too quick. Because what Mikasa didn't know -and Armin suspected- was that you and Eren had shared innocent kisses, one too many make-out sessions that ended with promises to be best friends forever.

Best friends became friends, then acquaintances, then friends again. Then, on New Years Eve, three years after Eren and Mikasa got together, Eren came knocking on your door, crying in your arms about her, about their relationship, his feelings. His feelings about you. And then you were kissing him. And the new year found you lain in bed together, a blanket covering your tangled bodies, along with a horrible, ugly and raw disgust. For yourself, and for him. How could you do this to your best friends, how could he do this to his girlfriend?

“You there?” Eren snapped his fingers in front of your face. Your eyes fixated on the bottom of your empty cup before it disappeared from your hold. “Want a refill?” The next thing he stole from you was the joint that was stuck between your lips, the clear lipgloss leaving a mark around the filter.

You tilted your head to the side to finally look at him for the first time since you left his apartment that morning. The first thing your eyes fell on was your old heart-shaped locket hanging from a gold chain around his neck. You wondered if Mikasa knew there was a picture of you and him inside. Looking up, you fought the urge to move a strand of hair behind his pierced ear. His jade eyes searched for yours, but they were locked on Mikasa’s red scrunchy that held his hair in a messy bun.

“Mikasa was looking for you.” You announced and, taking your red solo cup back got up from the couch, heading for the kitchen before Sasha stopped you.

“Some of us are gonna play seven minutes in heaven!” She said excitedly and dragged you with her.

“Oh, I was about to leave.”

“Nonsense! Tell her to stay, Mikasa!”

“Eren will take you home later, come sit!” Mikasa and Sasha took your hands and seated you on the floor, them on either side of you. You tried to ignore Eren’s stare and opted for watching Connie place an empty wine bottle in the middle of the circle instead.

“Okay, who’s starting?” Jean looked around and you noticed the hopeful look he gave Marco across from him, but Sasha was faster, like a lion ready to attack her prey.

“Me, me!” Sasha extended her hands and twisted the glass bottle. Everyone’s drunk gazes watched it turn and turn until the bottom stopped on you. You already knew who the top side of the bottle stopped on, and you turned to Mikasa with wide eyes.

“No fair, Yeager has a girlfriend already!”

“It’s just a game, right babe?” Eren made sure to lean over and peck his girlfriend’s red lips before getting up.

“Yeah. Of course, we won’t do anything, don’t worry.” You whispered to your friend before following Eren upstairs. You wished you hadn’t looked behind you at Mikasa, how she drew her bottom lip between her teeth like she always did when she was nervous.

You recognized the room you stepped in as Connie’s. Eren fell on the bed, a joint still attached to his lips, and his hands dragging you with him.

“Eren, stop it.” You whined, but not once did you try to wiggle your way out of his grip. Such a hypocrite, you thought.

“You look pretty tonight.” He smiled up at you before extending one of his hands to the ashtray on the nightstand to press the joint down on. His silver rings glistened in the moonlight coming from the window as he reached up to move a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“Stop.”

“Make me stop. We still have...six minutes and 12 seconds.”

“Eren, enough.”

“Baby, baby please. I want to make you feel as good as you look.” He flipped you around and pinned your hands on either side of your head before kissing you softly.

And you let him. Every time his lips fell on your skin, you convinced himself you’d stop him, but it was forgotten again once he flipped your skirt over and moved your panties to the side. And you let him use his fingers to make your breath hitch in your throat. You couldn’t do anything else but give yourself to Eren completely.

You wanted to think about the girl downstairs that thought of you and Eren as the best of friends, the girl you betrayed every single day for four months, ever since that New Year’s Eve you and Eren spent with each other.

“You’re so pretty. Your pussy is so pretty for me. My pussy.” He mumbled between soft kisses and licks on your clit. You arched your back off the bed, grinding on his face as the bed squeaked under you slightly. His teeth barely grazed your sweet spot to tease you before he started lapping at the juices that threatened to spill on the mattress and give your forbidden act away.

You promised yourself this was the last time as Eren moaned into your cunt desperately. His hands reached for yours on the sheets but they were preoccupied; Eren looked up with a cocky smile at the way you were shaking, only to see it was because you were sobbing into your palms.

“I’m so-”

“Don’t say anything, Eren, please.” You mumbled as he fixed your clothes. He kneeled on the floor next to your head and tried holding your hands, only to get pushed away.

“It hurts to see you cry, baby, I’m sorry. Baby,” Eren checked his phone. Exactly seven minutes, “baby it’s been seven minutes.”

“Tell them I was drunk and fell asleep.” you mumbled and turned your back to him, facing the wall instead. You felt a hand stroke your shoulder, a beam of light entered the room before it was gone as the door closed behind him.

It felt like years that you had been muffling your sobs in Connie's pillow when the door opened again.

"Hey, are you asleep?" You could recognize the sweet, melodic voice anywhere. It was Mikasa, and she was now sitting on the edge of the bed as you pretended to be dozing off. "You don't have to reply, I just want to say something." You wiped a stray tear and listened cautiously. Mikasa was slurring her words a bit, which for her meant she was more than drunk already.

"I think Eren is cheating on me."

"He wouldn't. Eren loves you more than anything." You smiled to the wall sadly, making shapes on the mattress with your index finger. Mikasa gasped; she wasn't expecting you to be awake, or reply.

"Do you think I'm making a mistake being with him still?"

Yes. Yes, a huge mistake. You should leave him, he's not worth your time, Mikasa. You deserve better, someone that will always treat you right.

"It's worth another try, don't you think?" You said instead, knowing it's what your friend needed to hear. As for Eren, he was standing by the closed door, listening closely to your conversation; how Mikasa chuckled, how your voice was shaky and uncontrolled. When it came to Mikasa's question, he found himself scared you would have had enough and finally admit to everything. A sense of relief washed over him, but why did he also feel almost...mad at you?

"Sorry for interrupting, I started the car."

"Oh, okay. __, are you coming? Eren can drop you off." Mikasa offered you a hand, but you got up after denying it.

"I'll leave with Armin." Mikasa nodded and left, Eren mumbling something about 'be right there'.

"I'll come by your place later." Eren wrapped his arms around your neck and kissed your forehead softly. Your hands met his torso and pushed him away, taking a step back.

"Please, Eren..."

"See you!" He waved and left quickly, before you could say anything, because Eren knew you would tell him to fuck off and stay with his girlfriend. But that was the last thing he wanted to do.

Hours later, as the clock struck four in the morning, you heard the front door click open. You didn't have the strength to see him, touch him, hold him. All you wanted was for Eren to disappear from your life, for you to only know him as Mikasa's boyfriend.

"Baby, are you asleep?" You heard a whisper and a drawer open; he was putting on his pajamas. You shut your eyes and pretended he wasn't there, that it was a dream, a nightmare even.

"I missed you so much. So, so much. You were so pretty tonight, did I tell you?" He mumbled, leaving a trail of kisses from your neck down to your upper arm. You shifted on the mattress, pressing your face further against your pillow.

"I can't take it anymore, __. I want to be with you, to kiss you in front of our friends, to go on dates, make you my wife." A sob escaped his lips, and you thought he deserved to be so miserable. After all the pain he's put you and Mikasa in, he should spend the rest of his life crying. "Please talk to me, I know you're awake. I want to see your face. I love you, __.”

"Stop." You mumbled and covered your face with the blanket, wiping a new set of tears away. "Just stop! I can't stand you anymore!" Eren's arms wrapped tight around your waist, his breath hot on your neck; you had never felt so close to him, but you hated that it had to be that way. It was easier to ignore the pain when it was just sex. Sex that took the stress of the day away, that made you forget everything else. But now...what was this predicament you've fallen face first in?

"Mikasa was looking at engagement rings today, you know. And all I could think about was how they were going to look on your finger." He huffed and held your hand in his, caressing the empty space on your left ring finger.

"Why did it have to be you, Eren?"

You weren't expecting an answer. And Eren didn't give you one. His fingers fiddling with the material of your shirt, sneaking in to caress your stomach was enough.

"Do you want a family, __?"

"Maybe with the right person."

Did you mean him? Was that your way of asking him to leave her? Eren couldn't help but wonder, yet he was always one step behind; always wondering, never actually asking.

"What about you?"

"I do. I really do. I want a little girl that runs around the house and makes me play with her. She will have long, brown hair like me and it will flow behind her as she runs. And she has the prettiest eyes, your eyes, your smile. I hope when she laughs her nose shrinks up like yours does. God, that will be the prettiest girl in the world."

You let him have his little fantasy as you sobbed into the pillow, you let him smile and chuckle into your hair as he thought of a happy family living in the countryside. And you let him because you knew it would only ever stay a fantasy.

Shrugging his hand away, you rolled off the bed and sat on an armchair by the window. The street was so quiet, you swore your muffled sobs could be heard from the small opening of the window.

"We have to stop, Eren."

"No."

"This is the worst thing we could have ever done, it needs to be over."

"Is it so wrong to love each other?" He exclaimed, getting up and falling on his knees in front of you. You shook your head and looked away, tears making your sight blurry and shaky. You could feel his open palms over your own, his head on your chest to listen to your heartbeat.

"I don't love you." You admitted. But what a fat lie it was.

"Liar." He knew. Eren could see right through you and your white lies. He knew when you were faking a smile, when your head hurt, when your leg was sore, when you were happy or sad or angry. All he needed was to take one good look at you. And he knew everything.

"It's true."

"Look me in the eyes and say it. Say it! If you do, I'll go. I promise, I'll leave you alone, I'll go get the ring Mikasa wants, I'll make you her maid of honour."

Jade eyes searching for yours. This time they finally met. A shaky breath left your lips, a sob escaped his.

"I don't love you." You spoke loud and clear. And he heard you. Oh, how beautiful your voice sounded even as the words you spoke were hurting him, very much so.

"You love me. More than anyone ever has. More than Mikasa ever will."

"That doesn't change anything, Eren."

"It changes everything!" He exclaimed, caressing your cheeks softly. "Don't you get it, __? I want to be with you for the rest of my life!"

"You need to break up with Mikasa. Tell her everything."

"I will. First thing tomorrow." He nodded and took your hands in his, bringing them to his wet cheeks. Trembling thumbs wiped tears off red cheeks before you fell on the floor, letting Eren engulf you in a hug. "Kiss me." He whispered and brought his lips against yours before you could refuse.

Next thing you knew, his arms were carrying you to the bed, caging you between them. He played with the hem of your shirt and you didn't have to wait any longer to know he wanted it off. So you obliged, like always. Anything Eren wanted, you gave to him. Such a selfless act, for such a selfish person.

An hour later and you were still playing that game you knew by heart. You would give him everything he wanted, in return you got a crumble of love that should be given to Mikasa.

"I love you, I love you, my baby. My little baby, fuck-come for me please." Eren's hands intertwined with yours, pinning them over your head on the pillow and drilling into you fast. He was close too, he knew he was, but he wanted to cherish this moment. It felt like it would be the last one, it hurt like a breakup. And making love to the woman of your life shouldn't hurt. Tears threatened to escape his sapphire eyes as he leaned down to kiss you softly.

"Want to stay with you here forever. I want to make love to you everyday, baby please." He whimpered. You didn’t have the heart to reply to him, instead focusing on the euphoria you felt as he fucked you into the mattress.

“Eren, Eren!” You moaned his name, desperately holding onto the sound of it as you arched your back off the bed. You didn’t know when the next time you’ll be calling for him like that would be. And as you reached your orgasm, you hugged Eren and brought him down, not even a breath separating the two of you.

“You’re on birth control, right?” You nodded, and he gripped your jaw to kiss you again. With one last thrust, Eren painted your walls white with his cum, giving a few more slow rolls of his hips before pulling out.

And just like that, it felt like your life was over. You were drowning in a bottomless pit of sorrow, but Eren was still with you. He was in your bathroom, filling the tub with warm water. His clothes were on your floor, his spare ones in your drawer.

“I have to go home. Mikasa will come over for breakfast.” His apologetic eyes as he picked his clothes up made you scoff. You knew his promise of breaking up would end up untrue and Mikasa would be calling later to talk about how he surprised her with flowers and pancakes. And that she had no reason for worrying, because they were better than ever.

“Will you break up with her?” You called as he stood at the door.

“Soon.”

Yeah. Soon.

taglist: @chaotic-nick @arean @didiyogo @fuwushiguro

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takamikeiigos · 3 years

Text

• though keigo tends to be loud, seemingly carefree, and outgoing, he's convinced himself that hero work is his #1 priority and he has zero time to be getting all up in a tizzy about feelings

• this man probably doesn't even know what a long, meaningful hug feels like. but what does it matter because he's a hero, he doesn't have time to be mulling over that kinda stuff

• now don't get me wrong, keigo has all of the basic human wants and needs for love, affection, companionship, etc. but has managed to tuck those thoughts away deep in the back of his mind

• so he spends his free time alone watching movies by himself while eating takeout, or finding somewhere high on the skyline to perch upon while the breeze caresses him and gives him comfort while he's deep in his thoughts

• when it comes to his avian characteristics and needs, he knows many people don't understand so he tends to them himself

• long tiresome processes of preening his own wings, often getting aggravated when he can't reach a spot or can't get certain feathers to lay flat

• or when it's that time of the season and he continuously chooses to go through his ruts alone because he hasn't allowed himself time to slow down and properly take care of it, because he grew up too fast and exploring his own wants and needs was never an option

• let's talk about keigo nesting during a rut bc of pure instinct but suddenly coming to the harsh reality that he has no one to share it with

• ouch

• imagine the first time he meets you

• you think he's probably the most loud and obnoxious motherfucker you've ever met but he grows on you over time

• its only after spending a bit of time by his side that you realize little things about him that kinda break your heart

• he smiles and jokes around a lot, but when you catch him deep in thought or slipping you notice the vacant stares that make him seem far, far away

• or the fact that he doesn't touch people unless they prompt first, whether it's a high five or a pat on the shoulder, but his hands mostly remain in his pockets or by his sides otherwise

• so it breaks your heart even more when you go to give him a quick hug before checking out for the day and he completely tenses up, clearly not sure how to react

• it occupies most of your thoughts that night, before it finally dawns on you that keigo didn't reciprocate because he didn't know how to (not literally, of course)

• from then on you touch him more often - like gently putting your hand on his shoulder when you're reaching over him, or placing your hand on the small of his back when moving around him

• over-all you're in his space more, always standing a few inches closer so your shoulders touch or your hands brush

• but let's talk about that one time you both go on a mission together and keigo gets knocked around a lil bit

• you're finally able to catch up to him and the idiot is standing there covered in bruises, feathers missing and his hero outfit almost torn to shreds, and he has the audacity to smile at you like he didn't just get knocked into next week

• he tenses again when you run up to him and pull him into a frantic hug, worry ebbing from your entire being but grateful that he's still standing and alive

• but the exhaustion finally catches up to him and its then that his wall comes crashing down, his arms wrapping around you like he's clinging to you for dear life, and his head is resting on your shoulder, coming free of all those heavy thoughts he's been carrying with him

• things slowly change after that

• months later you two end up together, like two pieces of a puzzle that were lost but finally found, a relief of a perfect fit

• he texts you constantly - whether it's of things that remind him of you, or a picture of a cat he saw while on patrols, or even just to let you know you mean the world to him

• when you’re both together he almost always ends up being the one to initiate physical contact now, staying close in your space and his hand always rest against you

• on nights after a long day of patrolling, he'll come over and you'll put a movie on, cuddling close together on the couch while eating the most unhealthy junk food you could find to take the edge off

• you catch him smiling to himself one of those times, and when you look at him curiously, he shakes his head and laughs quietly

• "'s nothing baby bird, just nice to finally have someone to do this with"

• on another tiresome evening of patrolling, he flies through your bedroom window (you always leave it unlocked and open for him) and perches on your windowsill

• you can instantly tell something is bothering him by the way he's holding himself, his wings twitching and his body tense

• so you beckon him to come sit on your bed with you, thinking maybe a back rub will ease the tension. but when he finally sits down in front of you, the disarray of tangled feathers is the answer to your unasked questions

• you tell him to relax and he does, but when you hesitantly run your fingers against his feathers he nearly jumps out of his skin

• you pull your hand away as if it was burned and when you ask if you accidentally hurt him, he flushes and avoids eye contact

• "no! no, you didn't hurt me. they're just.. sensitive. 'm just not used to people touching them like that. but it.. it feels good"

• so you continue running your fingers through his feathers gently, making sure they're all in place and pulling the loose ones from his wings

• he’s all breathy sighs underneath your hands and you swear you hear him cooing every once in a while and your heart melts at the amount of intimacy and trust

• it turns into a ritual after rough days, and neither of you mind it

《《 NSFW 》》

• so look, i’m not saying keigo is a virgin but we're gonna keep going with this little needy & touch starved trend we got going. to each their own

• keigo loves being touched, but he also loves touching you

• i’m talking always pressing up against you when you’re both alone, face nuzzled in your neck while biting and licking, hands on your hips and squeezing

• clinging to you when you’re about to get out of bed, or sneaking into the shower with you bc he misses your warmth and is craving some skin on skin contact, his head nuzzled into your shoulder and his arms wrapped around you from behind

• tbh he’s probably still half asleep as he does this, too. you basically have him completely limp in your arms when you turn to start scrubbing his hair

• i’m getting a little off topic, huh?

• he’s always trying to get your attention, especially when he knows you’re busy

• he’s almost always breathless when things get hot and heavy, nearly falling apart over a make-out session

• but when you finally get him out of his clothes and on the bed where you want him, the experience is one you want to relive forever

• he’s got this wonton facial expression, chest flushed and wings puffed out, lips parted with unspoken pleas as you touch him

• the first time you even touch his dick he nearly loses it, head tossed back and fingers gripping the sheets

• "fuck.. fuck that feels so good dove, please don't stop"

• he’s so sensitive, his skin feels like it might burst into flames because of how worked-up he's getting

• the sight of him falling apart from a simple hand job is a sight to see, something you weren't expecting to get you going but it is

• you stroke him slow, your grip just loose enough where he ends up having to work for it, all the while you're gauging his expressions

• keigo is a talker, loud and completely unashamed of the filth pouring from his lips as he fucks up into your fist, his jaw slack and his brown pinched in pleasure and concentration

• "please baby, right there. god, you feel so fucking good, please don't stop. fuuuuck"

• when you decide to touch his wings out of sheer curiosity, you weren't expecting to his reaction to turn you on as much as it did

• keigo arching off the bed with a broken "f-fuck!", yanking you forward into a harsh kiss as he moans broken please and appraisals into your mouth, whining

• he finally comes in thick spurts over your hand, his hips stuttering as he thrusts upward to milk the final drops of his come, chest heaving and breathy pants falling against your lips, his hands tangled in your hair

• touch starved, needy, and sensitive

don't get me started on my man's going into a rut. whoo, good stuff.

sorry this is so long!! i got very carried away once i got into it.

if anyone wants to request anything, please do?? i would love that, especially since I'm trying to learn more about this beautiful bird-boy. nonetheless i hope y'all enjoyed!!

♡ ky

#keigo takami #bnha hawks #bnha keigo takami #mha hawks #mha keigo takami #hawks headcanons #keigo takami headcanons #hawks x reader #keigo takami x reader #takamikeiigos #ky writes #headcanons #bnha #hawks

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miyaniacs · 4 years

Text

this will be so much fun!!!

OKAY SOOO I’LL DO SOME OF MY FAVES FOR THIS ONE OKAY?

(repost bc it took too much time to write this to not show up in the tags numbers of failed attempts: 2 )

warnings: I guess slight nsfw and me being tipsy while writing this , all characters are 18+

characters: Kurro, Akaashi, Kenma, Oikawa, Bokuto, Ushijima, Iwaizumi, Osamu, Atsumu, Sakusa

masterlist

HC The boys find out their crush is a cam girl / has an onlyfans account

Kuroo

AYT NOW LISTEN

it was late at night and he couldn’t sleep so ... there is one thing he hasn't tried yet...

now he’s on some popular cam girl website and scrolling through the different cams

then he stops

this one girl seems familiar

he clicks on it and

JACKPOT ?! its YOU ??? HIS CRUSH ???!

but OMG. he had the best night of his life sweety

but still.. he will now definitely ask you out on a date tomorrow.

after seeing your beautiful body and the way you moan and move

HONEY NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO SEE THIS AGAIN

other than that he probably thinks it’s hot af that you are a cam girl

I mean Kuroo aka pornstar

he loves the fact that you the sweetheart for anyone else but could be the pornstar just for him

smug af the next day he sees you from afar

shy af the second you come over

Akaashi

HE DID NOT OPEN THIS TAB OKAY

he did tho but HE DID NOT OKAY?

OKAY!

so anyway - his browser magically opened his one website

and he just hear someone talk

he recognised the voice but - NO... this can’t be you right?

yeah jokes on him

he chocked on his on salvia when you walk in the view of the camera wearing nothing but some sexy black lingerie

GURL. BITCH THOUGHT YOU WERE A BABY?!

but now he knows you aren't

you definitely aren't

but he now wants you to be his babygirl

and he wants to look away.. but he can’t

soooooo ..... yeah. he had some fun that night

wasn’t sure how to look into your eyes the next time he saw you tho

Kenma

he did not find you

Kuroo did

and yes he immediately sent him the link with a voice memo of him basically just screaming

the said link lent to an onlyfans account

despite the fake user name, he instantly recognises the birth mark on your arm

yes the many times he watched you when you all were out with friends made him recognise this stuff

so did he pay to see the rest of the pictures and videos?

yes.

was he embarrassed?

oh hell yes.

was he still enjoying it?

yes.

is he now able to look into your eyes?

no.

Kuroo has to do all the magic to make him speak to you now - because you are, despite the account you got, still a shy bean who can’t talk to her crush

Oikawa

screams in the middle of the goddamn night

you - you just brought him chocolate a few hours ago?

and now your stripping in front of him? I mean you don't know that he's watching since you just do it in front of the cam

his little oik-oik is growing

he thought you were innocent?

will sent the link to IWA-CHAN

with a “LOOK AT MY CRUSH OMG”

after your lingerie is off and you took out a toy he sent another message

“WAIT NO DONT LOOK AT HER”

he will be all cocky tho when he sees you the next time

you walk up to him, saying a cute and shy “hello” and he’s just

“you haven’t been this shy last night”

you panic and run away which results in him panicking running after you screaming apologises

Bokuto

He is hyped

OMG

Poor Akaashi will probably know about all of this too

he has so much fun watching you online - imagining that you are here with him at this moment doing all of this just for him

which you secretly do since you’re also imagine him watching this

will open this website more often the following days then he would admit

i’m not sinning that much to actually write down the stuff that’s going on in his head

the next time he sees you

he does question if it was really you who he saw online

you are nothing like the girl he saw there

SOOOOOOO he straight up ask you

“hey y/n !!! are you (your username)” he smiles and tilts his head

you just black out

Ushijima

again poor baby

Tendou and Semi told him to visit this site - hot farmers advice

this baby thought he’d actually learn something he could tell you - his crush - since you recently TOLD HIM that you try to grow some tomatoes

but when the site finished loading

HE WAS NOT EXPECTING TO SEE YOU ON THERE

with nothing less than lingerie, an oversized plaid shirt AND a straw hat

you’re on all fours and the way you move and moan and talk to the camera

he wasn't really taking note of where his hand is wandering rn

soon after, you are now without a bra, he finds himself rock hard

the next day you tell him about your tomatoes WHICH ARE GROWING (!!!) he gets red af and just leaves

you look confused at a laughing Semi and Tendou rolling on the floor

Iwaizumi

he usually doesn’t do this stuff... but... it was some time until he got some

and he just wants you - so he doesn't want to hook up with some random girl

you’re pure and innocent and he accepts this and will wait for you too feel comfy enough so he can ask you out on a date

anyways he’s at this random website

and switches trough the channels to find someone he likes

and he chocks.

THIS CANT BE

YOU

he actually was about to text Oikawa but then stopped because Oikawa

he starred at the screen not even blinking

his hand is moving so fast

and all the things you say and the way you tease your viewers

omg

hny

he really wants to fuck some manners in you okay?!

awkward af the next day he sees you tho

yes talking about blushing IWA-CHAN

Osamu

his Laptop was broken

so he used Atsumu’s

WHO left this tab open

he let out a small scream, his normally stoic face falling

WHY ARE YOU NAKED ON HIS BROTHERS LAPTOP

now he sees that it’s an only fans

WHY IS HIS BROTHER PAYING TO SEE HIS CRUSH NAKED

but hey.. Atsumu’s not home... and he told him it’s okay to use his laptop..

a few minutes later he’s already worked up watching your beautiful body, his eyes following every movement of yours

he can’t really comprehend that you are the same girl that always comes to his shop, always stuttering and nervous while talking to him?

BUT HELL WAS HE ENJOYING IT

and those pictures of you in this maid uniform.

OH AND IS THIS CHOCOLATE ON YOUR BOOBIES

his imagination went wild

“OY i see you’re enjoying my present?” - Atsumu came back home

Atsumu

I mean it’s canon that he watches porn and is paying for some cam girls right?

so he’s looking for some now that look more like you - his crush.

someone cute and innocent

Gosh he loves it how easily you get flustered when he flirts with you

this one looks promising he thinks

and hell was it promising

it was you

surprise surprise

he was blushing for a whole minute baby

THAT ASS ?!

how tf have you hid that all the time?

SO many dirty thoughts

SOOOO MANY

will def call Osamu to his room

after he finished this lil problem down there obviously

Osamu is grossed out - he thought you are cool and now he can’t look at you the same way

Atsumu tho - wont get that much sleep that night, your body and all the thing’s he’d do to you circling in his head keeping him up

is Atsumu enjoying this way too much the next day he sees you? Obviously YES

he will walk up to you, flirting, and when he’s about to leave he adds

“How about you skip todays stream and put on a show just for me?”

Sakusa

IT. WAS. NOT. HIS. IDEA.

Ratsumu sent him a link

our poor boy thought it was about volleyball and not something so dirty

he was CLEANING HIS ROOM WHEN HE OPEND IT

with the cleaning product you suggested to him

and now he sees you on his phone also cleaning

but with - with NOTHING ON ?!

he dopes the products and sits down on his bed - he knew you are beautiful but damn.. this hits different.

you with some MR. PROPER and WINDEX

PUHHH his fantasy is running wild WILD now that he sees you.. move .. and cleaning some of your toys and well

.... he needs to change the sheets and cleans again afterwards

ok so the next day... Atsumu already told you that he knows about your dirty little secret and that he sent it Sakusa to “help you two ”

Sakusa came and looked at you disgusted “You're dirty even tho you’re cleaning? that wasn't the way you’re supposed to uses those items.” he adds

“Then make me pure again?” you return ( @tendouthighs about Sakusa) “- and show me how to properly use them”

#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu reactions #haikyuu requests #atsumu x reader #kuroo x reader #sakusa x reader #oikawa x reader

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somecunttookmyurl · 2 years

Note

I either get nothing done or I do so much t once that i get physically ill for a few days after. Last week I wanted to do some garden work. Then I also fixed the roof of the shed. After that I decided to also clean indoors. When I looked at the clock it was past 6pm, I had started at 8.30am. lol

yeeeeeeeah doing it all at once leads to then doing nothing until it gets bad enough for you to snap and do it all at once.

but it's also "doing everything at once because now i remember i have to do it and if i don't do it now i will forget again" so at that point i write it down and plan to do it on a specific later date. "i'll do it later" is too vague and i in fact do not do it later. "oh this reminds me i need to do x, y, and z. i can do y today that's the quickest but x will have to wait for friday that's a quiet day, and i can do x tomorrow"

make it soon enough that you don't have time for the written reminder to become invisible. set alarms. tell people. whatever.

weekly chores are easily organised. i haven't yet nailed "specific recurring tasks that are infrequent (monthly or like 3-4x a year)" bc by the time the next one rolls around i've forgotten whose turn it is. @thatlittleegyptologist suggested setting a recurring alarm for each of them though, on the basis that once every 4 weeks at a different time isn't frequent enough that i start ignoring it. gonna try that.

but my weekly chores are like

every day: make the bed, do the dishes, wipe kitchen counters

monday - vacuum (living room and bedroom). @ me: do not schedule other physical tasks on this day. vacuuming is tiring. you won't do it.

tuesday - sweep and mop the kitchen, hallway, and bathroom. i find it easier to just get the mop out once a week and do all the floor together rather than doing the kitchen floor on kitchen day, bathroom floor with the rest of the bathroom, and hallway god knows when

wednesday - [insert recurring task that gets done monthly ie cleaning the oven here]

thursday - change the sheets, do laundry, and hang it out to dry (no drier)

friday - [insert other recurring monthly or seasonal task]

saturday - clean the kitchen. once a week it gets a more thorough clean

sunday - clean the bathroom

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kim-monsterlings · 3 years

Note

Hello! Is it okay if I ask for a monster match? If it isn't just delete request!

So em... Biologically I'm a/my pronounce is a she/her. I'm 5'3 or 5'4 (not sure). I'm a heterosexual (but I look gay as f-). I love studying arts (music, architecture and etc.). A bit of history nerd and sometimes (almost every time) overthinker. I keen watching TV shows, anime, documentaries and honestly anything. I'm a wierd combo of introvert & extravert. Prefer staying at home and living my 'raccoon in the dumpster' life. Veeeeery touchy (with concent ofc). That type of a person to hold a frog, call it Garry and claim that it's your knew friend. (Love snakes, spiders and a lot more of wild animals that a lot of people dislike). Good looking flying living creatures are my weakness.

A bit about my look (spoiler I'm fabulous) ((maybe)). I have short dark brownish hair. Blue and green eyes. Small chest and a good looking 🍑. Prefer mens clothing (POCKETS AND FREEDOM TO THE WAIST) but I don't mind feminine.

I'm searching for someone a bit of opposite of me (looking opposite too but honestly doesn't really matter), so he could push me sometimes when I get too lazy or smt. And sometimes to walk me bc my home is my fortress (again home dumpster racoon). Preferably WAY taller then me (I need a pillow). Someone that can tolerate my sometimes (a lot of times) childishness. I don't really care about what type of monster he is. As long as he ok with me being me.

Thank you ahead! ♥️💓

Levi - M Harpy x F Human (Reader) // SFW Monster Match

Anon monster match <3 I hope you love him!

Matches under the read more!

Content: SFW/Citrus; flirting, intimate embraces (cuddling, kissing), mentions of dating/courtship, creating a nest, use of endearment “sweetheart”, allusions to sexual intimacy

Masterlist // Monster Match Info + Masterlist // My Ko-Fi

Headcanon

Levi approached you first.

Though after his confession of being captivated by you - returning to the old museum in the hopes of stumbling into you once again, no recollection of him came to mind, and you would have remembered him.

Who wouldn’t?

Delicately feathered, shimmering with navy tips and darkened to near ebony closer to his chest. Long legs with talons clicked on the polished floor, but only the presence settling carefully beside you had roused you from staring toward the hanging artwork.

As rare as days out were of your own volition, you would never tire of reading the plaques and learning more with each visit. You hadn't moved for almost an hour when soft feathers tickled against your arm and in his attempt to create distance, they ruffled and stroked closer.

He may have approached you first with his chest puffed out and his head turned to focus only on you, but you were the one to speak, undeterred from staring at the wall opposite.

"Do you like it? This piece?"

His breath left him in a quiet exhale, enough to finally lure your attention to the broad expanse of his frame - failing in curling himself smaller, tracing the gentle sloping of his forehead down to his nose with a warmer stare.

In a voice as gentle as him, the stranger, as he was then, rasped, "sorry?"

"It's nothing special, is it?"

Rising from the low bench had you leaning against him - for the slightest and most fleeting of moments, relishing in the heat of his feathers, before he stood with you.

So close, his wing extended like a guiding arm, you couldn't help but reach to trace over them until he trembled.

Overstepping hardly made the best first impression, with little idea of how sensitive his wings may be, but the harpy stepped closer, lips curling. "Walk around with me?"

Your decision was made even before asking, "how much do you know of the artwork?"

"Very... very little."

"Perfect."

Many afternoons passed in a close embrace, though you were hesitant to have him accompany you home. For however much you adored a day out, you loved time spent indoors far better, and the evening came around by your invitation to share your favourite films with him.

Even still, you doubted he enjoyed them.

(You had a slight suspicion he watched them not only to have you tucked against him, but to see your delight in whispering the memorised script.)

The incredibly brief tour of your open-plan home led you into your bedroom to change into something comfier, hesitating there too long.

You returned to a sight you'd never forget, and one reinforcing the love you had for him.

"Do you mind?"

Levi bounced unsteadily on his thin legs, surrounded by a mess of cushions and blankets; a hastily arranged nest. Using those same sheets you had readied earlier on the sofa, too, and you were struggling for words.

"We've had our days out," he murmured, extending an arm to draw you close. "Now, I just want you. Is that okay?"

You tiptoed to whisper, "perfect."

Drabble

Some weeks felt longer than others. Little could rouse you now beyond the dimensions of your bed - not even the quiet ringing of your phone. The screen would brighten with the warm photo of dappled feathers, your boyfriend reminding you of your plans for the day.

You hadn't forgotten.

He never left your mind.

Though the gentle knocking at your door made you turn deeper into your pillows. When the door creaked open, your smile tucked into the sheets soon to be pulled from your body.

Not too long ago - not long enough after your first date, really, you had gifted Levi a key of his own. His courtship passed quickly and you were smitten, but he had opened the hastily folded tissue paper and frowned.

"Oh. Oh, I... thank you."

By reflex alone, you moved to snatch the key, already rasping, "it was a mistake-"

Feathers tickled your cheeks, lips soft against yours. His laughter never failed to soothe your nerves and he spread his arms wide around you. "I already have a key. I walk you home almost every night. Who do you think unlocks the door?"

With it official then, it warranted a sweeter kiss, and the same greeted you now with warm hands coaxing you from the sheets. His quiet sigh resonated like a sharp twinge in your chest until you remedied it by stroking up through his feathered chest, just how he liked.

"You coming out today, sweetheart?"

Little more than a whine was your answer, a pout beckoning a kiss. Routine warned of quiet tutting - of pleading and compromise (often in your favour), but today you wanted nothing more than to finish the documentary you started the other night with him, not to go outside.

Arms slipping beneath you earned a scowl. "I'm not going."

Levi grinned. "Looks like you're going somewhere."

This became the compromise; an understanding that though you loved to waste the day drowsy and warm, the nest he added to with every visit in your lounge welcomed you both. There was less chance of talons dragging against your legs, and more space for him to nestle tight.

"We'll have a quiet day today," he murmured. "Next weekend, we're going somewhere nice. My treat - you can't say no."

"We'll see." Levi pinched your waist and you smothered your smile into his wing, only for it to widen when his breath caught. You slipped your fingers lower down his stomach. "That's next weekend. Right now, we're laying together, and I still have too many clothes on. Want to help with that?"

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satingrove · 4 years

Text

improper

pairing: protector!obi-wan kenobi x princess!reader, you know the drill

warnings: very intimate, but not exactly smut

summary: your maid has fallen ill and isn’t there to help you out of that difficult dress, but obi-wan happens to be right there.

wc: 2.070k

authors note: now THIS came to me straight out of nowhere, all i know is that it got me really frickin excited. it’s sort of supposed to mirror the victorian era, where dress and corset wearers needed someone to help dress and undress them. i also just picture aotc obi in this fic bc wooow

It's unnatural to ask - isn't it? But it's a peculiar happening as well, and Obi-Wan is nothing but a friendly face, a common face.

He looms in your doorway, looking sympathetic and protective, the place he likes to be at this time of day, or any time at all. It did not matter to him. Midnight or afternoon, he liked to see you.

He leaves the doorway, taking slow, polite steps. His robes sweep the floor and he almost appears to float, arriving by where you sit on the love seat.

"I'm very sorry to hear about your maid, your Highness." He sits down beside you, mentally replaying your distressed voice over the comlink, which explained to him the events of a fainting maid and a frantic medic who simply pushed her onto a repulsorlift gurney and left without a word.

You don't catch his gaze. Your eyes stay set on the floor beneath your feet, but perfect posture is still accounted for; impropriety isn't something you'd like to convey to the Jedi Knight, although you were much more than mere acquaintances.

A vague memory of his sunshiny face dances through your mind; the time he had brought you flowers in the early morning of a hot day. You hadn't forgotten the boyish grin on his face, even though he was far past his Youngling days (he had explained the ranking system to you at a boring banquet - one that you both contemplated sneaking out of, except your manners kept you there). The gesture was remembered in a happy golden tint and centered around a sleepy, lazy kiss to your forehead. More than acquaintances, yes.

He gingerly shifts his robes.

"I hope she'll be alright." You murmur, a minuscule smile managed in his direction.

"I'm sure she will be, although it's strange how quickly she seemed to fall ill. The medics are taking great care of her, I assure you. I checked before I came to you." His words provide relief, but the image of the maid's coughing and pale face before she thumped to the floor confuses you still. "You must be frightened, princess." His gentle hand brushes over your back, modestly, and you draw in a slow breath.

"I don't understand... that's all." The upset returns to you a moment, and runs away quickly by the soothing hand of Obi-Wan. "As long as she will be alright, as you say. She is a great friend to me." You watch him with a melancholy expression.

Obi-Wan hums in comprehension, the tone soft and nearly melodic, never ceasing his calming back-and-forth motions upon your back. It's comfortable. He promises once more that your cherished maid would return in due time, and in his well-mannered reserve, made to bid you goodnight.

It was no different than any other time he had done so; his lips brushing your hand as he held your gaze, softly whispering that he wished you a good night's sleep. It earned him a smile without fail, and the thought occurred to you as he neared the door.

Instead of calling for a Jedi, a protector, you use his name. You could count the times you had done this on your fingers.

"Obi-Wan, wait," You call timidly, speeding fast to catch up to him. He turns, a loose strand of hair falling close to his forehead. He finds you already standing incredibly close.

He lets out a sigh in the form of an "oh", and he chuckles, "Yes, my dear princess?"

The words are on the tip of your tongue, hanging on for dear life and too afraid to be turned into a voice. You stand a moment, looking up at the Jedi who waits patiently. There, you both breathe into an invisible sheet of tension. Chests puff and deflate with the lungs that work hard to stay normally paced.

"Well, it's just that-", you're struggling, your shyness a great barrier between what you need and what you're afraid to request.

Obi-Wan's hands are clasped in front of him.

"I'm listening." He encourages you with a murmur, nodding and feeling fond of you. The sheet of tension thickens.

"My dress..." You continue in segments, incapable of stringing all the pieces together in a smooth sentence. Your palms press against the skirt, wiping down the little perspiration that had accumulated. It's quiet now, as Obi-Wan begins to understand what you're asking him to do. His eyebrows raise a little as it dawns, but he needs to hear the rest from your own lips.

"My maid isn't here to help me out of it tonight." You babble, fast, but steady. Obi-Wan knew the words were coming, but hearing them makes it all the more different.

It's impossible how quick he is to blush, and unspeakable the way his eyes darken.

"You want me... to undress you." It's not a question but a statement, and you can tell that he's not afraid of the prospect. His voice had deepened the way his eyes did, romantic and not without lust.

You find it hard to affirm this, but all the same, a weak "mhmm" noise comes from your throat, pitiful compared to your established and habitual tone.

Obi-Wan looks at you. He's unreadable, blank but still blushing, and then he intensifies. He grows more confident.

"Darling." Hands grace your shoulders and turn you to face the other way, your back against his warm chest and his cream coloured robes. You’re heated and feverish and melding to his body while he ushers you gently forward, creating more space for the two of you away from the closed door.

You thought it laughable, but in your mind you had thanked whoever thought of making clothes that you needed help to put on and take off. It was annoying, up until now, an utter nuisance to have to wear such extravagant pieces.

The thought was cut short by the sensation of his fingers starting at the top of the bodice, washing away any meandering thoughts of apprehension towards the clothing you wore. They skillfully slipped one, two, three buttons and it was enough to tug the sleeves moderately down your arms, exposing your bare shoulders to him.

His breath came hot upon your right shoulder, delicate, fresh, and his lips ghosted from the edge of it, trailing slowly to the crook of your neck where he placed a sultry, loving kiss. The passage of time is changed, the slim hands of all clocks caught between seconds and failing to tick fast enough.

"You're so tense..." His hands sweep the length of your arms to rest on your shoulders where his lips had been, rubbing attentively, cooing the words into your ear. It unwinds you at the same time that it sends shivers from your spine to manifest in your stomach. A whimper is the only manageable response.

"Shh," Obi-Wan hushes you, working circles with his fingers and undoing your stresses, "relax, it's alright."

He can hardly believe what his hands are doing. He's enamoured, wholly and completely, and that's just about all he knows in this moment of intimacy.

The next button slips through the fabric, exposing more of your skin and awakening more of his fanciful thoughts. Obi-Wan leans down again, finding a higher point of your neck between his lips, careful not to leave a mark. He's being delicate for your own sake. You inwardly chastise yourself for how easily he allures you.

Four more buttons are undone, leisurely, Obi-Wan bending to leave kisses where they used to touch your back, leaving a thrilling line of pecks. He reaches the last one and his knee touches the floor. He slips it and parts the fabric to place a final kiss on your lower back. It's thoroughly intoxicating, your breath coming in and out to the rushed beating of your heart. You feel that shyness evermore, though it's being overshadowed by something else, something rousing.

The Jedi is still kneeling when he reaches up to grip your waist and turn you back around to face him. You look down and he appears so sweet, so enchanting and dark. From above is a view you hadn't been graced with until now, but he rises, eyes fixed on yours, and reaches behind you.

The two sides of the bodice are in his grasp.

"Is this okay?" He's earnest and wary, knowing he could be stripping you not only of your dress but the modesty you still held with him. He had served his purpose. The buttons at the back were all that you needed help with.

"Yes." It leaves you in quiet, breathy desperation. Obi-Wan pulls.

Your arms come out of the sleeves and your chest is bare. The garment falls without your body to hang on to, pooling around your feet.

"My, my..." Obi-Wan is lost for his smooth remarks, letting his hands talk as they grace your hip and trail up your back. His lips are parted. To be bare in front of him felt oddly safe, comfortable - normal even.

Then a flow of words comes out.

"That dress was charming, my darling, but you," he sighs, "you're bewitching." He looks ardently to every part of you that he can see, features softening in his awe. A hand moves to cup the side of your face and he shakes his head in disbelief to the beauty before him.

"Will you let me help with the rest?" He's eager but still adamant to be respectful. You nod, gaining poise, and he fetches the silk nightgown draped over the chair sitting in front of the vanity. He sets it neatly on the edge of your bed, upon the fluffy sheets.

Shedding his cloak, feeling too hot for the extra layer, he rests it beside the nightie and pulls back a corner of the blanket on the side which he knows you sleep, and sits there.

"Come here."

You're nervous again, but let your feet take you to him. They whisper on the floor, silent and light, and you arrive in between the spread of his legs. Finding your waist again, he comes forward and spreads his palms over your skin, his touch flaring and welcoming.

His actions are ones you wish would only repeat themselves for the coming hours - so affectionate, tender, encompassing. His lips press dreamily to your stomach. You ruffle his hair and he purrs - he likes it all too much. It's then that he switches places with you, standing to turn, peering at you in adoration, sweet and intense. He gives a ghost of a push to sit you down in his old spot, drawing lines down your arms with his fingers, and briefly gracing your thighs.

The night gown is held high, Obi-Wan watching it fall delicately over your head as he guides it down. You raise your arms to poke through the straps and the length of it gathers at the juncture of your hips and thighs.

Obi-Wan tucks some hair behind your ear, his cheeks red but his disposition suave. Two kisses are placed on either thigh as he bends a final time and his face comes to the level of yours. He stays a moment, burning the sight into his mind. Once he's satisfied that details are right, he aids you to lay, bringing the sheets over your shoulders. Your chest fills to your throat with admiration, swelling and blooming there.

A last, velvety kiss is given to your cheek, where his lips linger, and he wishes you goodnight anew with all the tenderness he can muster.

"I trust you'll sleep well, princess."

"Thank you, Obi-Wan." He closes his eyes to relish the way your hand reaches, touches and falls from his cheek. Humming a dulcet sound as if to say "you're welcome", he retrieves his cloak, draping it over his arm. "I'll see you in the morning, then?"

"If only it were sooner." He replies, disembarking from the presence he so desperately yearned to stay within.

He makes a generous point of folding the discarded dress, and winds up the music box at the vanity, twisting the silver knob. Its lovely tinkle plays a pretty song, a lullaby, and Obi-Wan leaves with a final glance toward you in your bed, wondering why he hadn't kissed your lips and wishing he had more time before the length of his stay could be considered "improper".

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