#as awful as I feel emotionally/mentally he's a source of hope. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pikemoreno · 3 years

Text

if you ever wanna be in love

Chapter VI: Violets

a/n: and we’re back! so excited to finish this story in 2021! we’re about halfway through now! really appreciate you all for sticking with me through hiatus! happy new year!

pairing: marcus pike x f!reader

word count: 2.5k

warnings: angst :), nothing is solved, like one bad word, this burn is so slow :)

wanna join a taglist? | masterlist | series masterlist

“There’s nothing going on here, there never will be anything going on here, alright?” your words rang in his skull like awful, thunderous aftershocks.

In truth, he really had been just trying to leave. He and Adrian had received a message that they had a new case for the morning. It’d come in after hours.

Hennigan Gallery robbery. John Hennigan killed.

The group responsible was one they’d been chasing for a while, but their heists had never ended in a murder. Marcus had never been on *any* case that ended in murder. As such, Marcus quickly excused himself from sitting with Adrian to head home a bit early and get through some prep work. He waltzed towards the front door only to find that the foyer was where Wendy had dragged you off to. He didn’t mean to listen in, really. It was very obviously a private conversation that he wanted no part of, but in waiting for a break in conversation to try to sneak by he had heard the last of it.

It was enough to know that you were talking about him. Enough to know that he should’ve interrupted and thereby saved himself the ache of hearing how you actually felt about your relationship to him.

Nothing?

You certainly weren’t “nothing” to him. You were, well, not quite everything. Not yet, he hadn’t let himself go that far, but you were certainly something.

He felt your eyes drilling into him as he slipped past. What exactly did you want him to say? He thought as he gritted his teeth, letting the door fall closed behind him a little too loudly.

In that moment he felt the most uneasy mixture of heartbreak and anger. He wasn’t a generally angry person, but the flippancy of your “nothing” cut deep. It was like you were giving Wendy an obvious answer. It flowed so naturally from your lips.

He’d once again gone too far, assumed he meant more, assumed this would turn out any different from any other relationship he’d found himself in. How did he go so wrong a third time? He’d really tried to take it so slowly, but still show that he did have some kind of intention with you. It had seemed at the time that you’d picked up on the good-natured flirting. Had it been too much? Not enough? Was he really that hard to love? He couldn’t afford to try to decipher it all. What hurt the most is that he had to hear it like this. It wasn’t because he took a chance and it wasn’t because you wanted to be honest with him. No, it was something he was never supposed to hear in the first place. Fate’s cruel trick. Though he guessed it was better to know than to continue being blissfully unaware.

But was it really better?

The Tuesday morning alarm was a rude awakening for Marcus, mostly because it wasn’t much of an awakening. Sleep had evaded him, just as he had expected it to after the events of the evening. He got up quickly-- better to keep busy than sit around, lost in miserable thinking. He didn’t work that way anymore. If he spent every day of heartbreak wallowing instead of pushing forward, well, it’d be a pretty significant chunk of his life at this point.

After all, this shouldn’t be all that depressing right? It’s not like you two really were anything. Or that you’d even known each other for all that long. It’d been a matter of weeks. What were you to him anyway? You’d helped each other with a problem, that problem seemed to now be solved. The deal was done. You didn’t owe him anything. You could, and should, part ways in peace, go back to being work acquaintances that nodded at each other in the hallway and made small talk at the water cooler.

That’s what people with “nothing going on” do, right?

Nothing.

But then what was all of that?

Just… nothing.

He left his place without eating breakfast.

Time to get to work-- and pray he didn’t see you.

The air in the office felt different the moment you stepped inside, but you decided that might’ve just been your impression. It felt like everyone you passed was staring at you. It was like they knew you’d inadvertently broken the heart of everyone’s best work friend last night.

You guessed you deserved the cold treatment in that case-- even if it was only an imagined one.

The words had been out of your mouth before you could even recognize what you were saying. You were frustrated and felt cornered by Wendy’s questions that hit at too deep of a truth. You didn’t even mean them, but you knew it would take more than an excuse like that to explain the situation to Marcus. If you told him you didn’t mean it, then you’d have to tell him what you did mean, and that was a conversation you found yourself reluctant to have.

Over the past twelve hours or so you’d taken the time to process what you actually meant, to understand it for yourself. In truth? You did like Marcus. It’d been a matter of weeks, but he had completely wormed his way into your guarded affection. He was caring and intentional and kind, with the goofiest sense of humor and the biggest love for breakfast food you’d ever seen. You truly couldn’t believe how anyone could’ve let him go.

But of course, now you were doing the same. You didn’t like the way that realization sat in your chest. You let him go before you ever really had him, refusing to even bring him in in the first place out of fear. This had to be remedied, and quickly. The office felt different now without him in your corner.

You looked regretfully at your schedule filled to the brim with interrogations. Interrogations that were originally supposed to be with Marcus by your side. Now he was reassigned to the Hennigan Gallery case and Wendy had taken his place with you. Probably for the best anyway, but damn, it would be good to see his face right about now. Unsurprisingly, he hadn’t made his usual trip by your desk this morning to say hello.

A tap on your desk ripped you from your thinking and a split second of hope burned in your chest as you looked up.

No, not Marcus. Of course not. It was Wendy, eyes filled with compassion. Her voice was soft and sympathetic as she asked if you were ready to go downstairs and question the first person. You nodded simply, quietly gathering your things and standing to walk beside her. The silence didn’t break until the elevator doors closed behind you both.

“I’m so sorry about what happened yesterday and my part in it. Don’t get me wrong, that was a conversation you needed to have, but I should’ve waited to have that conversation with you,” Wendy pleaded. You sighed.

“It’s alright, Wendy. It’s not really your fault. It’s mine. If I would’ve told you the truth, it wouldn’t have ended the way it did.” Your confession was met with a confused silence, so you clarified after a beat. “These past few weeks I’ve really started to,” you mentally scrolled through the possible words you could use and found they all choked you before you could even begin to utter them.

Like.

Need.

Want.

Fall for.

“F-feel what you think i’m feeling… For Marcus. And the thought of that-- being asked about it-- just really freaked me out.”

In your peripheral you could see Wendy shake her head and you heard her breathe out the smallest laugh.

“What?” you groaned, both of you continuing to stare straight ahead as the elevator doors parted open.

“You are the most emotionally constipated person I’ve ever met.”

“Shut up.”

You stepped out together, taking an immediate right to greet the first of the Elizabet Ney Museum employees you had to question.

You couldn’t stop your foot from bouncing as you now sat back at your desk, wracking your brain over the notes you’d taken over the past few hours of interrogations. The Elizabet Ney heist was proving itself more and more as a tough nut to crack. There was too little information, too small of a suspect pool, and absolutely no evident motivation. Today you’d questioned every volunteer and employee that’d stuck even a toe in the museum in the past year and all of them seemed just as lost as you were.

Jane Meran, a 70 year-old retiree volunteer and avid art fan couldn’t imagine any reason why anyone would want the stolen goods. They couldn’t have been worth much, she laughed. Her alibi for the day of the crime was as honest and clear as the look in her incredulous eyes as she heard about the theft for what was apparently the first time.

The three sixteen year old volunteers who had been there that day-- Jeremy, Etta, and Leslie-- all snorted at the mere thought of any of them being the culprit.

“Who cares about all of that junk?” they’d remarked. Their alibis were solid: they’d left their required community service hours for school and went and got high at a friend’s house. Etta had smacked Jeremy for that admission.

“This is the FBI dumbass. You’re gonna get us in trouble.” Her whisper was loud enough for you to still hear. You sighed.

Tony Berrara, an assistant manager of sorts and one of two people who’d brought in the artifacts-- the other of which was Mrs. Moa-- sang the very same tune. He had heard the endless nagging of the surviving family members who brought the heirloom and the bust all day while unloading it. They had told him over and over to be extremely careful lest he break either one, but he didn’t think they seemed all that special, not compared to some of the other items that had been procured for the museum. His alibi for later that evening was equally as airtight.

And that was it for the initial suspects. As you had already figured out, there was absolutely no motivation here, and that fact was now exacerbated by the alibis, all confirmable by outside sources. Back to the drawing board. You bit the end of your pen as you thought, looking out the windows at the panoramic view of the surrounding city.

This case was going to require a little more intensive research. You wondered regretfully if Marcus had done any research before getting moved to the new case. He probably had; he always seemed to be prepared for anything-- obnoxiously so. Your glance fell back to your desk, dropping your pen as you rested your forehead in your hands.

You could always just ask him.

Or you could do it yourself.

Or you could ask him.

That’d be a good way to talk to him, you reasoned. While you were at it you could clear the air.

With a gulping breath, you stood up and headed to the elevator.

Marcus had had a very very weird morning.

It started off by him being so lost in his head that he had forgotten that he was supposed to go to the Special Crimes offices for the week. He was met with caution tape strung across the entrance to his usual floor and quickly hit the button to take him back down to the 5th floor. Of course it was too late by the time he punched the number and the elevator descended all the way back down to the lobby.

There was a woman waiting at the bottom and the moment of confusion as she waited for him to get off was more embarrassment than he felt that he could handle at 8am.

“It’s ok. I’m going back up,” Marcus said sheepishly as the brunette finally stepped in. She noddly simply, but smiled at him as she replied.

“We’ve all been there.”

The way she kindly tried to ease his embarrassment made him feel about fifty pounds lighter. He grinned back. She had a harsh face, but her smile was infectious.

The elevator dinged as it approached the 5th floor and he and the woman bumped shoulders as they attempted to get off at the same time.

Marcus mentally smacked himself for not paying better attention. He was always the “after you” guy on elevators.

“Sorry, sorry. Go ahead, please,” he recovered, stepping back into place. Her look was quizzical, as if she wanted to ask him something, but she seemed to let it go as she stepped through the doors and turned the opposite direction from where Marcus was headed.

He was beyond grateful for that.

He made it into the glass conference room right on time for the team’s meeting with the distraught Mrs. Hennigan. That was the most normal part of the morning, that is, until a particularly brash blond man by the name of Patrick Jane waltzed into the room like he owned the place and somehow managed to take over the case. Marcus had allowed it for the simple fact that he felt way out of his depth in dealing with a murder case, but he couldn’t say he was particularly excited about working with the irritating man whose reputation proceeded him.

Next thing Marcus knew, he was briefing an entire room of Art Squad and Special Crimes Agents on this theft-murder case that’d become so much more than he had initially signed up for.

Then he saw her.

The woman from the elevator, walking into the meeting. He locked eyes with her for just a moment before checking himself and getting back to business.

She listened intently throughout the whole thing, looking him directly in the eye as he spoke, making the occasional comment. And soon he was finding he could only look at her.

Oh no.

Not again.

It was too soon.

But didn’t everyone deserve a rebound?

And it’s not like you’d even been together, right?

There was no harm in taking interest in a woman that was more and more obviously interested in him by the second…

Right?

He attached to her side the moment the meeting ended. She was bright-eyed and curious, asking him all sorts of questions about art and specifically about the confiscated art storage in the basement.

“Do you wanna go see it?” he beamed, revealing the dimple on his cheek.

In that moment, he’d felt more important than he had in days-- weeks, even. Last night’s events had colored the past few weeks in such a way that he looked at them with a totally new perspective.

He hadn’t really mattered to you. He was a means to an end. A way to get your boss off your back. At best, he was an acquaintance.

But here? In this moment? He was important. Someone cared about him-- or at least what he had to say. That was a start.

The oddest moment of the day, though, came as he walked the woman-- Teresa, he’d discovered her name was-- out of the conference room to take her down to see the Art Squad’s “Aladdin” area in the basement. He could’ve sworn he saw a flash of a distinct multi-colored cardigan disappear around the corner. In his peripheral, it looked just like the one he’d seen you wear almost every day for the past week. But that didn’t make any sense. He wasn’t expecting to see you anytime soon, at least not because you were purposefully on his floor.

He’d probably imagined it.

Just ghosts of the past.

The elevator dinged, signaling it was time to go down.

#marcus pike x reader #agent pike x reader #iyewbil #bri writes

119 notes · View notes

franniebanana · 3 years

Text

CQL Rewatch - Ep 19

Wow, Wei Wuxian looks so rough here. He’s spent some time under the knife (with no anesthetic), and then after that, he has just been waiting around for Jiang Cheng. It’s been seven days since Jiang Cheng went up that mountain. And of course Wei Wuxian is worried about him. What if something happened on his way down the mountain? What if he’d been captured or killed by the Wens? All the while, he’s basically defenseless here in Yiling (iirc). He’s sweating profusely, clutching at his middle—it’s possible he’s even suffering from an infection due to the transfer surgery. Seriously, the poor guy!

I love the visuals here: all these cloaked figures just filling this tea house, and not another soul in there other than the waiters. It’s both comical and heartbreaking the way that Wei Wuxian tries to immediately nope out of there, because he knows it’s a trap right away. Even with his Golden Core, I don’t know if he could have escaped them all—there were too many Wens, including the Core-Melting Hand. This part always really gets to me, because it truly is the first death of Wei Wuxian. It’s the death of who he once was: that smart, quirky, rascal of a youth, who made a very honest oath that essentially guided him to this point.

No joke, the first time I watched this, I was like, “Is that Lotus Pier? How tf did he get there?! How much did they change the story?!” And then a few seconds later, I realized this was a super sad dream/vision that Jiang Cheng was having and I channeled all my anger into sadness. This part is also super depressing. He has this vision of this happy family: his mother laughing, his father kissing his hand, just the picture of love. But it’s so far from what he had growing up, and you just realize that his greatest desire was really to have that happy family. But his parents are dead, he’s lost just about everyone at Lotus Pier—it’s so heartbreaking.

God, he just looks so broken! I’m sad now.

So even though I know the cost of Jiang Cheng’s happiness is Wei Wuxian giving up his own Golden Core, I still feel so happy here, seeing Jiang Cheng feeling like himself again. It’s because Wei Wuxian knows Jiang Cheng’s heart truly that he could offer up his own future so that Jiang Cheng could have a better one. I also just love this shot of Jiang Cheng kowtowing to the Immortal One, thanking her for healing him, and the camera pans past him, showcasing the beautiful scenery again. And then he walks down the mountain path with such a spring in his step! I love it!

I love that Wei Wuxian is still able to use his mind and play to their weaknesses. Wang Lingjao is extremely superstitious and fearful of the supernatural, and just the idea that he could haunt them scares the shit out of her. It’s just very cool to me that with all the abuse he endures, he still maintains a clear head and is able to fight back with his wit. This is yet another reason why I get annoyed when I see Wei Wuxian characterized as an idiot or someone who isn’t very smart. He proves his wit in just about every scene, so I don’t know why he gets this reputation in fanon. I feel like it’s derived from some overused yaoi/shojo trope where the “girl” has to be less smart than the “guy.” I don’t know how many things I’ve watched and read with a scatterbrained (but not charming) female lead—it’s overused.

This is so cool, because Wei Wuxian is scared out of his mind—he’s terrified of being left to die in the Burial Mounds. He’s heard all the stories: people don’t return, their souls get torn apart, etc. But what is cool is that he turns everything around and makes this place his source of power. He’s the man who conquered the Burial Mounds. It’s very satisfying to see that. FYI, I’m not going to talk about how he falls for like 20 minutes.

But I do think it’s really cool how the dark spirits catch him (and that’s all I’ll say).

This part still gives me major chills: you hear so many people calling out Wei Wuxian’s name, and then a “Wei Ying” breaks through. My breath always catches in my throat the first time I hear it. And then you hear it again, and the other voices have faded away before you hear it a third time. And that all feels nice until the screaming starts, which is hard to listen to, let alone hard to watch Wei Wuxian go through the mental turmoil.

Lan Wangji is back, bitches! He’s got a new title, a new headdress, and he’s hotter than ever. Jokes aside, though, this entrance is beyond epic. Other than that tiny glimpse of him in the last episode, it’s been ages since we’ve seen him, and it’s so satisfying that we get this great entrance, walking up this enormous staircase. Obviously by this point, I’m ecstatic to see him (it’s been way too long). Everything about this scene is great, from his entrance, to the way he uses his guqin as a spiritual tool, to the way he and Jiang Cheng are now a team. I don’t think there’s an awful lot of comradery there, but they have a common goal: find Wei Wuxian.

So we’re not really used to seeing a ton of emotion from Lan Wangji. Even when he’s annoyed, he doesn’t tend to show it. But, man, he is pissed here. Because of the magic of fiction, he’s probably heard the Wens’ conversation as he was walking up the stairs, so he heard them mocking Wei Wuxian (and the Yunmeng Jiang Sect), and he is not happy about it. He even uses the Chord Assassination Technique right off the bat against at least two of the Wen soldiers. Lan Wangji means business, and he’s not leaving until he gets what he wants.

The other great thing is that he doesn’t even need to come up all the way. He defeats them at a distance, while he’s still on the stairs. And the power and respect he commands is so great that they all know him by his face.

What Wen Chao does here is so relatable. His girlfriend is freaking out, having nightmares, convinced Wei Wuxian is going to turn into a ferocious ghost and haunt them until they lose their minds, and he, of course, rationalizes: they’ve sent so many people to the Burial Mounds and none of them have ever come back. In other words, “You’re being ridiculous.” But when he turns away from her, you can see the fear in his own eyes. When something spooky happens, my first step is always to rationalize—there’s a logical explanation for most things, right? And it always makes you feel better to rationalize it to someone else, but when you’re alone and thinking, your mind starts to wonder, your imagination starts to go wild. It’s easy to psyche yourself up in the dark and quiet of the night.

There’s this really gorgeous cello version of “Wuji” playing during this scene—it’s so beautiful, so moving, hitting me right in the feels. The look on Lan Wangji’s face when Jiang Cheng is telling him about how he and Wei Wuxian were supposed to meet in Yiling, how he thought Wei Wuxian had abandoned him to meet up with Lan Wangji in Lanling—he looks so defeated there. Defeated despite taking down the Qishan Indoctrination Bureau. Defeated because he hasn’t found who he’s been searching for. And then he holds Suibian so tenderly and lovingly—I’m emotional, okay?

It’s really cute and heartwarming to see Jin Zixuan starting to fall for Jiang Yanli. We’ve known for quite some time how Yanli feels for him, so it’s quite satisfying to see his walls come down as he starts to care more and more about her. He becomes protective of her. When she gasps at the hanging head at the gates of Qinghe, his instinct is to hold her—of course, he stops himself, but it’s very obvious that he wants to comfort her physically (and not in a dirty way, get your minds out of the gutter).

I love the dichotomy here: on one end, you have Jin Zixuan asking Lan Wangji where Wei Wuxian is, while you have Jiang Yanli echoing that on the other end with Jiang Cheng. Jiang Cheng can’t answer—he’s crying, trembling, emotionally responding to his sister without speaking. And Lan Wangji can’t speak either. His lips part, but no words come out. Again, you get this great sense of defeat from him—he’s completely at a loss, but he can’t or chooses not to show those emotions.

It’s also interesting how they kind of clipped the reunion between the Yunmeng Jiang siblings in favor of showing the conversation between Jin Zixuan and Lan Wangji. In my opinion, it’s to remind us of the reunion that isn’t happening right now—the one that should have been—the one between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian. And why isn’t it happening? The conversation reminds us that he’s still missing. I don’t doubt the importance of the Yunmeng Jiang siblings in this story—they are obviously instrumental to the plot and to Wei Wuxian—but it’s choices like this where the writers/scene directors remind us that the relationship to focus on is the one between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji, and not Jiang Cheng, holds onto Suibian, the only remaining item that is most spiritually connected to Wei Wuxian. Isn’t that interesting?

“A-Cheng, you’ve grown up. As your sister, there’s nothing I can do but worry about you.” Such a wise line—such a sad line. This really brings out how powerless she feels in the lives of her brothers. She’s a bystander, she has no influence. All she can do is watch and worry, and nothing either of them says or does will change that. It’s something we as parents and caretakers and guardians at some point have to admit: we can’t control our children’s lives, we can’t control those we take care of. Once they reach a point in their lives, it’s them who has to make their own decisions. They must thrive on their own, they must fail on their own. And all we can do is watch and worry and hope for the best. God, Yanli breaks my heart.

Me in bed when I watch a scary movie any time of the day.

She does crazy so well, though.

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |

#cql #the untamed #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #jiang cheng #jiang yanli #jin zixuan #wen chao #wang lingjiao #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #cql rewatch #ep19

19 notes · View notes

kris-p-banana-bread · 3 years

Text

Here DOAFP fandom, have some organic, locally-sourced, home-grown pain. This is basically just me, a scarred older sibling, projecting on Bobby, another scarred older sibling. I really reached into my post-loss psyche for this, so I hope you enjoy the headcanons and meta (AKA I hope you shed at least one tear).

It won’t let me link it here so the post that inspired this is under the read more at the bottom ✨

- When I first watched doafp, I couldn't understand Elena's aversion to Sam becoming a prominent figure in her mom's and her life. Now I understand it almost too perfectly. There was never supposed to be someone after Robert. He and Gabi were deeply in love and happy. Robert was it; he was the first and true love of Gabi's life. Sam showing up probably felt like a huge and utterly disrespectful slap in the face of Robert's memory, because he wasn't even supposed to be there. I don't know if that's as eloquent as I wish it was, or if it makes sense, and it probably sounds really mean to Sam, but it's not even really about him. It was always supposed to be Robert; Sam hasn’t earned the right to be apart of or associated with her family

- After Robert dies, Gabi and Bobby make it a habit to find and keep photos and recordings/videos of Robert, even if the latter only has him saying one sentence. They won't make Elena join them for the search, but after they find some of those old audios of Robert, they'll sometimes play them back for little Elena

- Bobby put up the keep out sign (I credit this to a few other blogs for discussing this tho) because that's where he would cry sometimes. He actually used to be pretty close with Elena, but after he put up that sign and started distancing himself from them a bit so they wouldn't see the times he cracked, he got a little more short and jaded with her. It's that, plus just growing into a teenager and stuff. And I'm not saying that he and Elena have a bad relationship, but he's become more snappy and has more walls up than he used to

- Sometimes Elena feels bad because she doesn't always remember her dad's voice. She was pretty young when he died, so even though she recalls it a bit, and the recordings help, it's been a while since she's talked to him in person, so of course she doesn't quite remember what it's like to actually talk to Robert and she's forgotten some of his mannerisms. She likes to think she's all done (she marked the stages down in her grief journal after all) but grief isn't linear or all that rational, so it hits her hard sometimes

- I keep reading as an action close to my heart because that's a strong bond me and my mom shared. She would rec books to me, and we would joke and talk about them, or she would hint to some future event and then refuse to tell me until I caught up to that part. So Elena and Bobby do something similar in their grief. Elena has writing and words, because that's something Robert loved if I remember correctly (but if I’m not and that’s not canon, then I now declare it so) and Bobby has tennis. But besides tennis (I sent a couple anons to @freshlybakedfandoms about it but I'm not sure where she went) Bobby also was taught to play guitar by Robert (I liken it to Devi Vishwakumar and her harp) so when he misses his dad or is just sad, he'll take out his dad's old acoustic and strum

- (This next one is something I also think a lot about so this is pretty much 98% projection) Bobby thinks sometimes about the fact that he was never able to come out to his dad. He hadn't really started growing into that part of himself yet, and he never got to show it to his father. He wonders what he would have thought of him. Would he be angry? Would he dismiss him and say it was just a phase? Bobby didn't think so, but a little part of him insisted that you could never be too sure. After he comes out, Gabi and Cami assure him that Robert would've been so proud of him and would've loved him regardless (Since we know virtually nothing about him, I maintain that Robert was one of those dads who teases their kid relentlessly about their crushes and I think he would've done that with Bobby and eventually Elena)

- When Elena's quince rolls around (if she chooses to have one of course), Sam dances with her during the father-daughter dance. A part of her still hurts, still aches and wishes that Robert were dancing with her too; still knows on some fundamental level that he and Gabi had planned for this day, but he had simply never made it. But she's known Sam long enough that she feels comfortable here. Nobody can replace Robert, but Sam is her family, and it feels right like this.

- I might do some more research and deliberate, but for the moment I'm saying that Robert had cancer, I’m thinking along the lines of colon. My mom was terminal, but idk if I should make Robert terminal? Maybe towards the end. Or maybe he was diagnosed as incurable early on but Gabi kept it from the kids because, tbh, being told your parent is balancing on that kind of edge is traumatic for them. So anyways, I’m going on that assumption for this last point, and I’ll see if I can recover some of my old knowledge and talk about technical stuff later if anybody would like to hear it

- Elena and Bobby were both pretty young. Bobby understood about PET scans and tests somewhat, and knew generally what different answers from doctors meant. Elena mainly just understood what was happening by reading her parents' and brother's expressions when getting lab results in from the doctor. They both remember on some level what it was like when Gabi would leave the kids with Cami and take Robert out to the car (later she would have to help him) and they would all feel like they were holding their breath until they got back and confirmed that everything was ok (and later, the little shocks of fear when the answers were no longer as positive and there was more apprehension and risks. After all, cancer doesn’t deal in absolutes)

- Bobby can still remember Robert when he had to stop walking around a lot. He still remembers the phone call that Cami got from his mom, saying that something had gone wrong, and if this last treatment didn’t work, he wouldn’t have much time before he passed. Still remembers Cami rushing into a room when she got that call, and trying to hide what was happening until Gabi could get home and explain it; but Bobby was a sharp kid believe it or not. He heard about the treatment, heard Cami crying. He still had hope... but when Robert came home in a gurney, when he could barely stay awake sometimes, when his voice was quiet and his skin was a little jaundiced, Bobby felt incredibly empty. But Robert always had a smile for his wife and his beautiful kids, even if it was small and very tired, his eyes still crinkled the same. He always had a smile; right up until they had to say goodnight and get some sleep one night. And then... he passed.

- After he passed, the Cañero-Reeds needed help, and a lot of Gabi’s coworkers would bring food or materials if they were running low. Cami and Danielle would babysit and would distract the kids when Gabi needed a good cry.

- Like you’d imagine, and because of what is sort of implied in canon and in my own head, the kids dealt with it in different ways. Bobby put up that sign, and withdrew. He wasn’t awful, but his patience with certain people got a bit shorter and he was a bit quieter. And he was a really good helper when he had the energy and he cared deeply, but he would sometimes get physically and emotionally exhausted after helping Gabi/Elena/Cami/anybody else with something and would go into his room or mentally tap out to recharge. He took comfort in things that seemed natural and that he sometimes took for granted before, like video games and skateboarding (hehe bobby skateboards. Anybody second me on this?) and clothes etc... and other stuff. A lot of materialistic things or experiences that he would skip out on before. But they bring normalcy back to his life now so he loves them for that.

- Bobby doesn’t wanna think about big themes or anything anymore, which I can’t remember but I think it was Vi (freshlybakedfandoms, again, idk where she is and I hope she’s ok) who said he was a math and science person and I think that as much as that could transfer over to those subjects as well, it’s much harder to avoid existential and emotional themes in English and History class and Bobby doesn’t like it as much as Elena does for that reason. He had to live with the back and forth of his dad’s treatments and tests, so math and science is comforting because it’s more concrete (There could be a million arguments for why he would distrust math and science because of his dad’s passing though, I realize) Ultimately, though, it reminds him of Robert too much.

- On the other hand, after a period of shock and confusion, Elena threw herself into new things. First it was a grief journal, to make sure she was going through the motions. Then she read a lot, and when she felt too alone or like she wasn’t doing enough, like she was stagnant, she’d just find something to focus and persevere on again. That feels like her personality type to me; something is wrong so let’s fix it right away. But that could also transfer sort of negatively into “Something feels off or I’m very sad, let’s get this thing done and be productive so we can put off having to confront that but at least we get work out of it” but I could be entirely wrong (this is based off some of my family members and how they dealt with the loss.) And Elena throws herself into history and english because her dad loved it, and she wants to remember more of him. Because she believes words have power and history is a lesson and that’s incredibly interesting for her

#bear talks #doafp #robert cañero reed #bobby cañero reed #gabi cañero reed #elena cañero reed #camila doafp #sam faber #fun times #sorry?#I can write a cute fluffy fic to make up for it #i cri #also sorry if I made these a bit too much about bobby #I just relate to him as the older sibling #I added some more so if it got out of hand I’m sorry #tell me and I can make it neater #my meticulousness might just make myself do that on my own tho

23 notes · View notes

traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 3 years

Note

I am mostly seeking advice and probably some form of validation that I am not the one in the wrong here.

So, my husband's mother has been mentally and emotionally abusive to him his entire life, as well as very neglectful. The abuse was never physical, but she constantly manipulated him, made him feel like he is nothing and can do nothing without her, constantly belitled him and made fun of him, teased him to the point of provoking him to have mental breakdowns, called all his problems unimportant and fake when he complained, made him feel unwanted and unworthy and like no one will ever love him excet her, etc. She also never took care of him when he was a child, she would leave him alone at home for up to 12 hours a day sometimes when he was as young as 5, 6 years old, and did many other things that were, in my opinion, horrible and fucked up. My husband gets genuine anxiety and his blood pressure rises to dangerous levels when she is even brought up in conversation. So, with my help and at my advice, he changed his phone number, social media and everything and completly cut off his mom from his life. Since then he's been way healthier and happier.

Now, the problem is that his mom has my mom's phone number and started calling her to cry about how I am a terrible person and I "stole her child from her". My mom is on her side and says his mom did nothing "that awful" and that I should teach him to "forgive, not hate." But I didn't make him hate his mom, just to cut her out of his life because she was evil and toxic af. Am I wrong about this? Was I too drastic in helping him cut her out of his life? I think I did the right thing, but my own mom had me overthinking this to death and I just don't know anymore. Please help.

- Theo

Hello Theo!

First of all, thank you for opening up to us!

I can somewhat relate to your issue. My wife's mother is a massive source of anxiety for my wife, so I'm used to having play referee between them.

Honestly, it sounds to me like you absolutely made the right decision. Especially if the results have been that much for the better for your husband!

The pull of family is certainly a difficult thing to fight against, but it sounds like she is a highly toxic influence in your lives were she allowed to continue to interact with you.

Your own family takes precedence. I don't think it's hateful to cut her out of your lives. You're simply doing what's best for your families well being.

And I must applaud you both for being brave enough to do what you have to in order to maintain your husband's mental health. Your husband's trauma is valid, and ya's are both taking it appropriately seriously.

As for your own mother, I understand where she's coming from, but since she doesn't have the context that you have, I would just be gentle, but firm in your stance. You're not taking the position you are in out of spite or malice. Its simply the healthiest choice for you and yours at this point.

I hope you find some use and comfort from this, because I sincerely believe that even though it's certainly not the easy route, I do believe you are doing the right thing.

The door is always open if you have anything else you'd like to ask us, and I really hope things get easier for you soon!

Sincerely

Mod Red

#trauma talks #trauma #recovery #mental health #Mod Red #abuse #child abuse #emotional abuse #suicide

7 notes · View notes

ae0nx · 3 years

Text

FRUITS BASKET S3 EPISODE 1 + 2 RECAP!

Yayyy! Season 3! Finally! I’m hoping this season will make me understand/sympathise with Akito and maybe even Shigure a little bit more because... honestly? My opinions on episode 2?... I might get some flack for my opinions on them... 😬

But, first: I’d like to appreciate how on the Funimation app we got a little interview/message from a few of the english dub VAs! Specifically Colleen Clinkenbeard, Jerry Jewell, Eric Vale, Ian Sinclair and Brina Palencia (Akito, Kyo, Yuki, Kureno and Isuzu). And it was nice seeing some of their opinions of the characters they play and how much they’re emotionally invested in the story. (Ian’s such a nerd ‘I wanna see giant mechs later this season’ 😂 - I lowkey stan him lol)

You should definitely check it out if you’re interested in what they would have to say!

ANYWAYS, let’s get into it...

---------------------------------------------------------------

EPISODE 1

I really love this depiction of the original zodiac and how you can just tell from the tone of the scene how desperately the God of the Zodiac was clinging on to these connections that they had with the participants in the banquet. How much they clung on to and loved the cat... Also, interesting how Tohru’s narrating this scene... almost like she can relate to the desperation of wanting to keep things the same... but we’ll get to that later. But also, Tohru is a God

This new opening is beautiful, I love the way that camera moves around the still illustrations and how the general tone just hammers down that... this season is gonna be some real shit lol (which makes me nervous for the opening for the second half 😳). It’s so warped and the general blue, grey and black tone that follows around every Akito scene we get in the anime has bled into every scene in this opening concerning the rest of the zodiac. Almost... like something is decaying. It’s great, it’s just very sad lol. I love the song tho, issa bop.

One of my favourite things in stories is when we get a bigger villain than the ‘pronounced’ villain of the story. Ren’s introduction through a manicured outstretched hand towards Kureno and Hatori is so weirdly gross in what it insinuates (especially when you apply her connection with Shigure) but again... I wanna know why she’s such an asshole to Akito specifically besides the bad mental health management within the Sohma compound. I have an inkling of what it is through memory of the manga, but like Akito and Shigure... I just wanna understand why.

Also, Ren is gorgeous and I’m sorry for simping.

I mean... she’s kinda got a point? She just didn’t need to be so mean about it lol. It’s pretty clear that the connection the zodiac have to each other is real and something they cannot control. BUT, wouldn’t it be easier if this connection wasn’t perpetuated by outer circles of the family and if Akito herself wasn’t so cruel about it? But, I guess Akito - through her relationship with her mother - kinda doesn’t know how to genuinely show love and affection. (Which brings me into my thoughts of how the manga ends and how I kinda... have a few problems with it which I will get to... when that comes lol)

Lol - weeeeeeeee! (flashes back to Tohru being yeeted into the river). Is this a part of Akito’s god-like powers?!

Again. She’s got a point! They’ve both got a point. But, they’re both the source of the problem. It’s really painful to see two mentally ill people duke it out. This whole institution is just rotten.

- I am super curious about what Akira’s relationship was like with the zodiac and if it was just as dark. I’m gonna assume it slightly already was, as the exclusion and degradation of the cat curse is already dark in itself but maybe the rest of the zodiac were just fine with how things were? I dunno if we actually will get the full backstory of Akira and his zodiac but I’m definitely intrigued

Ok, but if four crying children came up to me after I’d just consummated with my partner to reach out at my stomach chanting ‘we’ve been waiting for you’. That would disturb me and scar me for a while too so... 😂. I know it’s supposed to be ethereal and spiritual but... dude, wtf lol

...I don’t like how much I’m into Ren being such a Villain™ 😅

- Akito being seen as a crying child by the older zodiac members has always been interesting to me because yes, they could see her as that through mainly the age gap, general empathy and the way she sometimes irrationally acts out. But, also the depiction of Gods being seen as children having tantrums has being reflected in many different beliefs and myths (especially Greek Mythology) and I just like the fact that this all powerful, all knowing being would be compared to a child. It gives you a different perspective on power.

- Is the paper note in the CD case that Kureno gave back to Tohru an extra addition or was it always there?...

Mannnn... I really wanted Isuzu to fuck shit up after seeing Tohru so upset but... *le sigh* (outfit’s still on point)

But, I’m so glad we get an equal Ethereal Goddess to save Tohru! HANAJIMA! We love her, we stan her. <3

- ‘Tohru will be in my custody’ 🤣 I personally think Hana’s bluntness was a kindness in her conversation with Yuki because if I found Tohru upset? I’d automatically start firing metaphorical shots at everyone in that house

- Shigure fearing Hana makes me sleep better at night <3

Hana’s just like ‘hmm... sounds like someone I know... 👀’ I’m here for this parallel between Tohru and Kureno in the hopes that Tohru doesn’t ever get in as bad a situation as Kureno. Ahhh... Kureno... (Also, Laura Bailey was killing it in this scene as always)

- Hmmm... there’s something terribly poetic about Kyo saving Tohru’s scarf from oncoming traffic... but also, Kyo can’t help himself aha

KWEEEN! I love this look for Uo, it’s very Kyoko. I already said this in Season 1 but I STILL need to get wool-lined jacket. Outfit Appreciation goes to her - 3.5 stars.

<3<3<3 Friendship is magic!

- Megumi is such a good egg as always! From him going to get Uo to him being so wise with his outlook on love and how it takes time to really flourish. The best!

- This whole episode ends really nicely from Tohru’s return home and Kyo washing and returning Tohru’s scarf and Yuki being happy to see Tohru and Shigure being somewhat decent. It was nice to get a bit of relief after the tornado of emotions

Also, this was a nice screencap! Even Kyo is smiling!!! :))))

EPISODE 2

*takes sip of wine* ...ok.

👀... later lol

This scene really highlighted how Tohru is starting to see Shigure and the whole zodiac curse in a new and darker way. For the first time, it felt like Tohru was a little bit more guarded around Shigure and I hope they delve more into this season. Her description of her feeling around the curse being like a ‘dark well with no bottom in sight’ is pretty spot on. Ugh.

Aw! Is this the last we’re getting of Small!Momiji?! I love them :3 (Momiji’s shorts look a little shorter too, like he’s growing out of them ahaha)

- I haven’t found the Yuki fan club funny since their first scene in the anime but their poor disguises made me chuckle

- Yayyy! Kyo has an obsessive fan club too? ...Yay?? 😅 haha

- ‘I won’t kill them but they can go to hell’ why is Kyo speaking like me?! 😂

The fact that we got a scene of Yuki kinda admirably looking at a group of friends (boys and girls) playfully physically interacting and he unconsciously reaches out to Machi almost like he forgot about the curse? Heart eyes... 🥰

Again. Relatable. 😂 God, Yuki. You really are an airhead. Bless your soul. <3

And that look says it all. Damn. Kyo’s sense of hopelessness is heartbreaking but I still stand by it being understandable considering his circumstances.

Kyo freaking out about Tohru being visually upset was super cute but I couldn’t even appreciate the fluff because the whole scene had such a morbid tone to it, despite it being so visually romantic:

KYO’S FACE!!! 💔 Ahhh, my emotions!!!! Also, that shot from Tohru’s perspective under her bangs is great.

- Poor Mitsuru, I’d ask for extra pay just for dealing with Shigure’s ass.

Hahah - what a great metaphor!

- Now that Shigure’s ‘true form’, so to speak, has been fully exposed all his comments that are supposed to be teasing come off so much more awful. Him insinuating Mitsuru wasn’t ‘upper class’ enough for Ritsu was awful

COLLLDDDD. AS. IIIIIIICE. But seriously, Shigure this whole episode was cold in many different ways but I definitely felt this personally since I’ve been told something like this by a family member before... 😕 Also, it’s just gross how both Shigure and Akito are taking their own personal issues and mistrust of each other out on to other people. The curse and the institution behind the curse complicates a lot of feelings for sure, but there’s a difference between wrong and right and I get the general feeling that they both are just using the muddy waters to their advantage. Although, I feel like Shigure is taking more advantage of this than Akito but I’ll get into that in a bit.

- There’s also something about this episode that made me sympathise a lot more with Kureno in a more understandable way. But, it also makes me question the ending of this whole story and the resolutions that happen and what life for the whole Sohma institution/family looks like after the curse has broken.. I guess, I should read ‘Fruits Basket Another’ after this, huh?

😳... Shigure is so petty, man. Really?!

So...

I hate this relationship. I’m sorry. I know there are loads of people who like this relationship. And I’m still giving myself space for the show and the story to convince me why it’s worth it. But... I really don’t like this relationship. It’s so toxic. In so many ways. And in a weird way, this scene made me feel a LITTLE bit more for Akito than Shigure. It feels like Shigure gaslights everyone in his life but none no more than Akito, herself. I hate the fact that he keeps saying he loves her while hurting her or disregarding her. You know, almost like he’s treating her like a child. But on the other hand, I hate the fact that Akito has lowkey gaslighted herself into thinking she can treat people however she wants because she is ‘God’. I understand this is part of the way she was brought up and it seems like life in the Sohma compound has been very isolating for her so there’s been no one really to show her better (or have the confidence to show her better). But, at least I can be a little bit more sympathetic on her side than Shigure’s. I dunno... it’s just all very ugly and toxic and I’m hoping that it’ll turn around somehow.

I just hope it’s not one of those relationships that are ‘so good cos it’s so bad’.

...I’ll briefly talk about the ending theme to end this on a good note lol:

I really like this ending! I dunno if they’re gonna have two endings and two openings for this season but this ending definitely feels like it should’ve gone in the second half as it’s almost spoiler-y? But, then again what anime opening and ending isn’t packed with spoilers lol

All the illustrations are gorgeous, I’m assuming they were drawn by Takaya-sensei herself as it seems very much in her current style of artistry but my favourite illustrations are definitely the ones shown above! <3

---------------------------------------------------------

Ahhh! Fin! Sorry, about this one being super long and you probably having to scroll past a whole lot on your dash 😝 As usual, I had a lot to say. I’m open to hearing from people who actually like Shigure and Akito’s relationship btw, it’s just that everything before and episode 2 just really didn’t sail the ship for me, personally. I do want to understand! Haha

See you soooon!

#fruits basket #furuba #fruits basket season 3 #fruits basket 2021

13 notes · View notes

paradife-loft · 3 years

Note

Hi! I absolutely love the meta about NMJ's Empathy memories being unreliable, and it's got me wondering about how his qi deviation and death actually went. Since LXC says he saw the qi deviation (and Fatal Journey says it was in public), what's your take on how JGY got NMJ into his secret room so he and Xue Yang could use the Tiger Seal (and eventually kill him)? Fatal Journey has the Nie sect holding a funeral for him, so presumably NHS had /soneone's/ body to bury, but then in The Untamed LXC later says something like he 'hasn't heard from' NMJ in years and had feared the worst, so things... don't seem to add up? What do you think?

Aaah, okay, so: first off, I’m incredibly sorry it’s taken me so long to answer this, and I nonetheless very much appreciate your interest in my opinions here <3 If you’re still hanging around/following me/reading my blog, anon, idk how obvious it’s been that I’ve… not been having the best few months brain-wise, but that’s basically all I can offer as an excuse for why this reply is coming so late. Thank you for your patience!

So, okay, I think I’m going to try and tackle this question from a couple different angles. First of all, I think it’s worth looking at the material provided in the contained story of the 50 episodes of The Untamed on its own, to see what that suggests, before bringing in outside or supplemental sources, which is what for this purpose I’d consider spin-off movies, details in other versions of the broader MDZS story material, etc. to be. Also, I want to note upfront that while I do tend to incorporate different details and versions of events from both CQL and MDZS into my personal headcanon, what I write in my fic, etc. because I think they tend to provide interesting possibilities, elaborations, and what-ifs for a broader composite MDZS-adaptation-universe – for the purposes of this post, I’m going to stick to material from The Untamed and Fatal Journey only. Mostly, my reason for that is that there’s a few logistically distinct details of how the qi deviation happens in MDZS compared to CQL – one being, it happens at Qinghe rather than Lanling – that I believe affect the timeline of what Jin Guangyao is doing with Nie Mingjue’s corpse in the first place.

Alright so, in The Untamed alone, the evidence such as we have includes: the Empathy sequence involving the qi deviation in episode 41, and Lan Xichen’s statement in episode 39 recounting that he saw it happen himself at Jinlintai, and that after hearing nothing from/about Nie Mingjue since, he’s been “mentally prepared” - presumably, for the news that he’s dead. What I’m inclined to take from those two pieces of information, is essentially a story like this: NMJ qi deviates, very publically, and at some point while this is happening, he makes a break for it and leaves Jinlintai, and whatever presumably messy trail he leaves in the process ends up going cold for anyone trying to follow, with no NMJ around to be seen. With various factors at Jinlintai invested in retrieving him for attempting to turn him into a controllable fierce corpse, it’s pretty easy to imagine that, besides whatever above-board search party tried to follow him, there would also have been another party closely watching his movements for an opportune moment to slip in and scoop him up to bring him back to the secret treasure room for fierce corpse experimentation – hence why the trail would’ve gone cold.

Now, the actual scene showing the qi deviation itself doesn’t include multiple elements I’m positing or including here – specifically, the presence of a bunch of third parties actually witnessing it, LXC included, and then also the idea that NMJ ever left that one landing at the top of the stairs during the qi deviation at all. But, since we see in other parts of the Empathy sequence that the events shown can be… a bit more impressionistic than accurate; and furthermore since it seems reasonable to posit that the memories of the time when he has a literal break with reality might be even less literally reliable than the rest of them – I think those aspects can be reasonably explained away as that scene portraying more of what the qi deviation felt like from the inside, than what an outside observer would’ve seen. Nie Mingjue’s focus is Jin Guangyao, so Jin Guangyao is all he sees – up until Nie Huaisang breaks through that monomaniacal focus and is seen, finally, as himself.

(If you particularly want to pull out some feelings, I might even suggest the idea that finally seeing a distraught NHS was the thing that pulled NMJ sufficiently out of his rage to be lucid enough to flee – and that he booked it in part because he was terrified and ashamed to possibly hurt his younger brother, whether physically or emotionally by letting him see NMJ in such an awful state.

So then, aside from that: the question of what we see in Fatal Journey. I’ve actually been trying to find an answer about what kinds of mourning customs would be followed or even possible if a family didn’t actually have their loved one’s body on hand to bury, but thusfar my internet searching hasn’t really gotten me any useful information one way or another – if anyone reading has an idea or some good sources to point me to, I’d love to hear them! Everything I’ve read so far seems to very tightly marry the performance of appropriate rites and the presence of a body together.

That said, looking back through the actual funeral scene in Fatal Journey, I also wasn’t able to notice the presence of a coffin anywhere in the set, either? We see a memorial tablet, set up in the front of the throne room at Qinghe, and what looks like a brief shot of some offerings, and NHS stoking the fire, but in the couple brief scenes of the inside of the hall, I don’t think there was a coffin set up there? (Or, for that matter, out in the courtyard which we get a longer look at, either.) Compared to what I at least assume is a coffin with Jin Zixuan’s body inside during the mourning scene in episode 32, I feel like it’s reasonable to guess that, even with Fatal Journey included, whatever mourning rites took place at Qinghe after NMJ’s death, they may simply have not involved a body or a burial at all.

- And actually, now that I’m thinking about it, taking Fatal Journey into consideration overall suggests that it might ultimately be the norm at Qinghe to hold mourning rites without a body present – because per the lore additions in the movie, the Nie sect leaders go down to die on their own at the bottom of the saber tomb, and it sure doesn’t look like anybody had been going down there to retrieve them once they did? So, I don’t know, maybe there’s some sort of symbolic burial of something associated with the sect leader as a Nie custom, to keep things looking a bit more normal and less “we build a tomb for these resentment-filled blade spirits that eat our sect leader’s sanity”, and that’s also what ended up being done for Nie Mingjue? But, yeah, there’s no real confirmation happening even in the movie that NHS was able to come back with a body to bury, so I don’t think that necessarily contradicts the idea that NMJ could have gone missing during his qi deviation and never been properly recovered for a 100% confirmed death.

(That said, I personally don’t tend to incorporate, oh, most of the specific events or points of lore from Fatal Journey into my own readings on various elements of the story? Like, quite frankly, I don’t really like the movie that much, and I think it opens up a lot more unnecessary character and worldbuilding questions without doing a good job of integrating them back into the rest of The Untamed’s continuity (er, such as it exists XD). So I don’t necessarily have an opinion on whether “the Nie sect generally doesn’t do bodily burials of is clan leaders” is an idea anyone should pick up for The Untamed canon; merely that if you do take the events of Fatal Journey as canon, it certainly seems like it could be a possibility.)

(And again, big, big big disclaimer here that, e.g. if holding any kind of mourning rites without a body present is actually super Not Done, then what I’m saying with this part might be totally moot, and then well…. who knows, there’s plenty of speculation that could be used to cover that gap up – maybe “they never found the body” wasn’t actually widespread knowledge, but rather just information LXC had special access to due to the relationships he had with the people involved? – and some set of people depending on your preferences conspired to get another body to stand in for NMJ’s to allow them to hold a funeral? ….Which honestly sounds incredibly sketchy to me on its own, but considering all the other professionally Yikes-style desecrations of bodies that happen in this story…. who knows? I’m really just tossing out ideas here at this point, not saying I necessarily endorse any of them outside of “I think this could potentially work in some way without being out of character for anybody”.)

Anyway… I hope that answers your question, anon, and is otherwise interesting for everyone else reading? Thank you for the ask, and apologies again for taking so long to respond! <3

#ask a James #meta #no good things for the poor sad cultivators #The Untamed #Nie Mingjue #rambling #op #Anonymous

13 notes · View notes

turtle-paced · 4 years

Text

GoT Re-Watch: Fine-Toothed Comb Edition

This post is also availablle on my wordpress.

Hello and welcome to forsaken lands. The episodes of GoT that broke fans. And considering that GoT fans made it past in-universe heartbreaks like Ned Stark’s death and the Red Wedding, and major disappointments in the writers such as ‘Breaker of Chains’ and ‘Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken’, that is saying a lot.

It’s kinda fitting that the home stretch starts with a funeral, really. Good way to farewell our hopes. We’re not getting closure anywhere else in this series.

8.04 – The Last of the Starks

(2:15) When the credits said “with Iain Glen,” this is what they meant. With Iain Glen lying on a pile of sticks for two minutes.

(2:46) We do not get to hear what Dany whispers into Jorah’s dead ears, but I’m pretty certain the implication is that Dany, in her grief, is thinking on the lines of “BURN THEM ALL!”

(3:00) Because Sansa weeping over Theon’s body is…somehow less worrying? Somehow shot without the implied promises of fiery vengeance? What we’re looking at right now I think is far more ableist than sexist. The difference between Dany’s grief being portrayed as worrying and Sansa’s grief being portrayed as, you know, grief, is Dany’s family history of mental illness. Don’t get me wrong, there’ll be a heaping helping of sexism in here too, a lot of it in how Dany’s status as a female leader is linked narratively to her emotional state (“hysterical women” and all that) and written into the plot in the first damn place, but right now what attracts ominously unspoken whispering on Dany’s part and “purer” emotion on Sansa’s is connected to the parties we knowhave family members who have suffered from mental illness.

Man, imagine if they’d actually adapted the books, where Sansa’s father suffers what looks an awful lot like PTSD. Which doesn’t stop with just end-of-episode flashbacks, but affects his ongoing decision-making processes.

(3:36) Meanwhile, over in the toxic masculinity department, note who isn’t being so disgracefully emotional! The men, and the women who “aren’t like other girls.”

The show had good material to work with here. They could have shown men breaking down, portrayed as a completely reasonable reaction to the incredibly traumatic events of the previous episode. They could also have shown men struggling with the stoic performance that toxic masculinity requires, only to break down later, or question their own lack of response. You know, like several characters do in the books.

(4:31) Incidentally, it amuses me that though the words of Jon’s speech are addressing the survivors, he’s delivering the speech to the dead (and also the camera).

(6:50) Uh-oh. Dany couldn’t contain her tears as she lit a friend’s funeral pyre. Bad signs! Red flags! Red like fire.

I’m just going to dig out a relevant passage from The Curse of Chalion (spoilers for that book follow). For context, the crown princess Iselle (daughter of a woman widely regarded as mad, for further comparison’s sake) and the chancellor, Dy Jironal, are locked in a struggle over who gets power when the king dies. Iselle’s BFF recounts a relevant public event:

“Iselle is Ista’s daughter. She cannot speak of [the titular curse], lest men say she is mad, too. And use it as an excuse to seize…everything. Dy Jironal thought of it. At [the late crown prince’s] interment, he never missed a chance to pass some little comment on Iselle to any lord or provincar in earshot. If she wept, wasn’t it too extravagant; if she laughed, how odd that she should do so at her brother’s funeral; if she spoke, he whispered that she was frenetic, if she fell silent, wasn’t she grown strangely gloomy? And you could just watch men began to see what he told them they were seeing, whether it was there or not. Toward the end of his visit there, he even said such things in her hearing, to see if he could frighten and enrage her, and then accuse her of becoming an unbalanced virago.”

If Dany cries she’s unbalanced. If she hides her emotion she’s unempathetic. If she gets angry, she’s insane. The difference isn’t in the reaction (as already noted, we’ve got other characters openly grieving and other characters hiding their emotions), but in how, whether, and when the reaction is portrayed to the audience. In The Curse of Chalion there is a named antagonist doing that spin; here, the camera, the viewer’s PoV access to the story, is pulling exactly the same trick as it checks in with Dany’s emotional state to highlight the “out-of-place” emotions. Even the frequency of these check-ins affects the portrayal – as the viewer is treated to each and every fluctuation in Dany’s mood, her emotional state appears less constant than those of characters where we don’t get a reaction shot every time a traumatic thought crosses her mind/she schools her reaction/something mildly irritates her.

This phenomenon is not isolated to this scene. It’s been happening all season. It’s going to keep happening.

(7:50) I do not get the mood of this scene. Tonally, it feels more awkward/ordinary than full of grief, with none of the wild “glad to be alive” mood until a named character prompts it later on. The background characters often do not appear to exist independently of the main characters. It’s just these little things that chip away at suspension of disbelief. In this case, a general feeling like this fictional world is populated by named characters and department store mannequins only, not people.

(9:24) “So who’s lord of Storm’s End now?” Funny question. Strange that nobody’s asked that in the last few seasons. While we’re at it, who’s the Lady of Casterly Rock?

(10:42) Nor do I get Tyrion’s tone as he observes that Gendry’s going to be loyal to Dany due to this appointment. I mean…yes? That was the point? As Cersei shows us in AFFC, appointments for surface level loyalty don’t cut the mustard, but at the same time, Tyrion’s not being cynical and sardonic about Gendry’s competence.

(11:29) Davos here has a heart-to-heart about his complicated feelings towards a woman who engineered the death of a child he loved very much. To Tyrion. Who engineered the death of a child Davos also presumably loved very much. Davos’ interactions with Tyrion regularly go beyond a man who’s bottling up the death of his child for the sake of a political goal he genuinely believes will better the lives of more than just him, and into the realms of real emotional intimacy and friendship. I swear the writers forgot about this.

(13:12) Just from a writing standpoint, that line, “I don’t really want anymore,” really gets my goat. Oh, Bran just doesn’t have any motivations anymore, no biggie. Now the only thing that I the viewer want for this character is for him to start wanting things again.

(13:24) “Mostly I live in the past.” Yes truly this is an excellent trait for a temporal ruler.

(14:31) Here we have the unintentional call-back to season one, wherein information that the characters in-universe find distressing is revealed via the now-rather-clumsy mechanism of a drinking game. Book!Brienne’s status as an only child is a little sensitive for her.

(15:07) Tormund’s praise of Jon here is also pretty clumsy writing. It’s hard to praise Jon’s actions in that climactic battle because, well, he rode on a dragon and fried wights for about thirty seconds, and that’s it.

It’s also hard to see praise for Jon without corresponding praise for Dany as anything but sexism, because Dany was also riding on a dragon and frying lots of wights, and they’re her dragons. Played as in-universe sexism, this could have been a good source of material too, highlighting how Jon’s gender results in him getting more praise for equal (or lesser) work. Left unexamined it becomes part of a sexist narrative, an example of how Jon’s gender results in him getting more praise for equal (or lesser) work.

(15:21) No, don’t mention that Jon got killed and brought back! Don’t! It just raises the question of why!

(15:40) Notice how we keep getting the Dany reaction shot? Yeah. Isn’t the fact that Dany has emotional reactions weird?

The dialogue makes this worse. “What kind of person rides on a fucking dragon? A madman or a king!” Did…did they not realise the depths to this comment? The context? I mean, clearly, this is another hint that Dany’s going ~crazy~. On account of how she cannot be a king. The context of Dany’s gender. The gendered language used here. The minimisation of Dany’s accomplishments. How did the writers think this would come across, if not some fairly blatant sexism?

(16:04) This is the third Dany check-in regarding her unhappiness at a fairly miserable party. This one is extra special because the very observant and knowledgeable Varys is apparently thinking, “hang on, she’s not happy, and it’s a party! This couldn’t possibly have anything to do with listening to her boyfriend praised to the skies for things she did first and/or in parallel, immediately after losing a close friend and fighting in a very scary battle. She must be going crazy.”

Also there is spooky music and the shot choice emphasises that Dany isn’t hanging out with anyone at this party. This is far more worrying than Bran not emotionally engaging with anyone at this party thus far or Sansa not hanging out with anyone at this party thus far or Varys not hanging out with anyone at this party thus far, or Sandor drinking heavily at this party while snapping at people who come near him thus far or Arya not even attending this party. Double standard? What double standard?

(16:51) Tyrion’s marriage prior to Sansa is here brought up as a joke. There’s a joke in here all right. I call it ‘continuity’.

(17:14) Oh, my, how shocking, Brienne’s a virgin. In this world where noblewomen having premarital sex is frowned upon, Brienne not having premarital sex is unthinkable and something that the rules of drinking games say she should be embarrassed by. Wtf?

(18:36) I’m as sick of the “Pod has a magic cock” joke as the next person but frankly, they didn’t beat us over the head with detailed stories or lurid jokes about Pod’s sexual prowess, and someone should have a nice time here in season eight.

(19:56) Oh boy. Reunion between Sansa and Sandor, when these two haven’t interacted for six seasons, and what interaction they had was seriously watered down. Thematically watered down, that is. In the books, Sansa did something Sandor believed was impossible – held on to her idealism and kindness throughout horrible experiences. He was the one who learned more from their interactions. Sandor was not serving as an author avatar, but rather being depicted as a man lashing out with cynicism and nihilism as a defence mechanism.

The show didn’t appreciate that back in season two and it’s sure not going to start now. We’re about to hear some real awful stuff.

(20:10) “Heard you were broken in. Heard you were broken in rough.” 1) Why should we like this character? He’s an asshole! Not just gruff, an asshole. 2) Why is everyone an asshole to Sansa about her rape? Of all the things to be an asshole about. We got it long ago. This world is dark and gritty.

(20:15) Note that Sansa executing someone by setting dogs on them is not depicted as a worrying sign of her mental stability or lack thereof, nor as a lack of empathy, but as justice.

(20:52) “Without Littlefinger and Ramsay and the rest, I would have stayed a little bird all my life.” Okay! Wow! What a line!

What the writers think they’re saying: Sansa has overcome adversity and become a stronger person for it.

What the context of the entire series adds to this message: Sansa needed to be raped in order to become stronger. “Becoming stronger” here meaning “someone who relishes retributive violence,” as if there is no other form of strength, and as if the capacity for retributive violence is necessarily a sign of strength. The person she was before, who comforted others in their time of need and stuck her neck out to help, was stupid, naive, and weak. There is something deeply wrong with retaining qualities such as idealism. Sansa had to shed those qualities. Rape was the way to do it.

So, in short, gross.

(21:30) This is…definitely some archery safety.

(21:42) We got that? Arya is celebrating by standing out in the cold, rejecting social activity, and continuing to practice with deadly weapons (nearly killing a friend as she does, good work!). But there’s nothing to worry about in terms of Arya’s psyche here. The difference is the family history of mental illness.

(22:54) Begin the ship-sinking! Anchors a-smash! This is one of two relationships this episode which work out well until nah. For reasons. Ultimately, I don’t think the writers had a clear vision of what Arya was and what Arya wanted, instead defining the character by what she was not. She’s not a lady. Okay. What does that mean? Does that observation bring us any closer to learning what Arya does want from her life?

Aside from Not Gendry, anyhow. Man. Hope nobody was invested in that ship, because that was quite the abrupt sinking.

(24:56) Now the show remembers that Jaime has trouble with things like laces when he’s only got one hand.

(26:07) Hope nobody’s invested in this ship either! More on Jaime/Brienne soon. Let’s just keep the pattern in mind for the moment. Long-teased relationship culminates only to fall apart almost immediately because reasons.

(27:22) While we’re on the general theme of romance. The deterioration of Jon and Dany’s relationship is dragged over a longer period than the other sunk ships this season, but the reasons for that relationship failure aren’t well explicated. In large part because Jon never has the opportunity to really go into the identity crisis that the parentage reveal resulted in (note that the info that he was seriously shaken about the idea that he was sleeping with his aunt came from the showrunners, not the text). Jon’s silence throughout episode two was a good idea, in the context of building up to an eventual resolution. Only the writers kinda forgot that such a huge reveal might need a resolution.

(28:24) Continuing the thread that what tips Dany over the edge is rejection. Yes! We are really doing this! She is a woman scorned! Goodbye seasons of discussion about whether the ends justify the means. Goodbye seasons of dealing with various setbacks, developing opinions of her own, and earning respect. We’re reducing it all down to “nobody likes Dany, she feels entitled to their love, and now she is angry.”

Incidentally, why haven’t people softened towards Dany? Who was, after all, riding on a dragon just like Jon, and saving a lot of lives? We’ll get to that in a few scenes.

(28:39) Again, the fact that Dany gets angry and emotional about the prospect of losing her claim in Westeros is part of the depiction of a general downward trend in sanity and upward tendency to assume her power as an inherent moral good.

The problem here is that a) Dany’s not wrong that Jon poses a political threat to her, whether either of them like it or not, and b) this character’s arc shows some good sound reasons for wanting power – to protect her own agency, at the very least, to say nothing of her broader politics. If Dany was forced to concede the throne, her ability to decide what she does with her own life is sharply reduced. Her ability to achieve what she wants to do in the world (things like ending slavery and oppression) is sharply reduced.

In short, this is a scene and a situation where getting angry and upset is an entirely reasonable reaction. At best, this doesn’t work to depict a character with declining mental stability. At worst (and I believe worst), the very fact that a woman has emotions is being turned into part of a narrative where her emotions render her unsuitable to do things such as provide a reliable perspective or wield any form of power.

(29:27) I’m actually sympathetic to Jon’s desire to be open about his parentage with his sisters. Again, there’s still good material here! Jon’s reasonable personal desire to not keep secrets relating to their family from his sisters vs Dany’s also reasonable political concern that the more people who know, the less controllable the information is, the more dangerous it is. That’s a real conflict! I’d like to watch more along those lines!

(30:15) The narrative of Dany’s “hysteria” is advanced by focusing disproportionately on her emotional reaction the dilemma, without an equal and counterbalancing focus on Jon’s side of the problem. Through this conversation, Jon’s offered simple rebuttals to more complex statements from Dany. I owe my siblings the truth. Sansa won’t plot against us. The truth will not destroy us. You are my queen and nothing will change that. What’s missing here is any sort of explanation as to why Jon believes these things. The lack of explanation leaves Jon’s character underdeveloped and shifts disproportionate focus to Dany’s reasoning and motivations.

(31:09) So just to put a percentage on it, in flying north to aid Jon and save the north, Dany sacrificed a full 50% of her troops. Half the northerners were killed too, but I don’t think it’s a very controversial argument that without Dany’s aid, 100% of the northerners would have been killed. Also 100% of the non-combatants.

(31:27) Meanwhile, it’s made clear that as a result of Dany’s assistance, she’s taken a serious hit to her ability to take the Iron Throne. Note the mention of the Greyjoy fleet.

(31:37) “When the people find out what we have done for them – “ “Cersei will make sure they don’t believe it.” So…working out a propaganda strategy isn’t worth it? The woman who catapulted barrels of broken chains into Meereen to prove to its slave population that she was the real deal, something she did not do in the books, is out of ideas to counter the narrative? Dany kinda forgot that she successfully conquered three cities already. Not for the first time.

This is a fault with the writing. The writers are jamming square character pegs into round plot holes. These scenes pay lip service to the problems the characters come across, and dismiss those problems either out of hand, or as completely insurmountable and not worth bothering with.

(31:56) “Thankfully, Cersei is losing allies by the day.” Footage not found. Footage to the contraryfound, as Varys plonks down quite a few more new tokens on Cersei’s side of the map table. There’s no good reason for it, but there we are.

(32:24) Give the smallfolk the opportunity, and they will cast Cersei aside? There are a few problems with this.

1. It’s exactly what Tyrion proposed last season. How’s the strategy working out? A reevaluation may be called for here.

2. As someone who lived through food riots in a city under siege, Tyrion should be well aware of the human costs of starvation in a medieval urban area. This is not the mythical “humane option.”

3. This still doesn’t address the fact that Cersei is demonstrably willing to blow up whoever’s in her way, and a slow siege gives her more opportunity and motivation to burn down her own holdings just to deny them to Dany.

4. Why the fuck haven’t the smallfolk rebelled already, given that Cersei blew up the Vatican? If they are not going to rebel over that, what are they going to rebel over?

(32:52) Speaking of lip service! Sansa’s concerns here that the armies are exhausted would (and should!) be a valid and important objection to the wisdom of Dany’s plans. But we never see any evidence later that the troops are over-tired. Or underfed. Sansa’s insights don’t mean anything. And this is poor writing for her.

(33:02) Sansa’s proposed solution is an indefinite break. She came to the meetings without the details about how long a break might be appropriate. Keep in mind who’s been the most vocal about saying ‘we don’t have enough food.’ I think on context it’s fairly reasonable for Dany to suspect this is Sansa trying to get out of assisting at King’s Landing (and we’ll see shortly afterwards that she really does want to get out of assisting at King’s Landing). Likewise, the rebuttal that regrouping gives time for Cersei to dig in is another fairly reasonable argument.

But from Sansa’s comments, apparently this is Dany not caring about the wellbeing of her own troops.

(34:59) Now we get into it! Why are the Stark sisters so dead set against Dany, despite the assistance she’s provided?

(35:34) And the answer is xenophobia! “She’s not one of us.” Arya and Sansa do not trust Dany because “she’s not one of us.” No amount of assistance or heroism can overcome this fundamental barrier. It is bigotry. Not to mention it’s also pretty much identical to the Lannister ethos of “fuck everyone who isn’t us.”

Again, how did the showrunners think this would come across, when the Starks proposed treating Dany with “screw you got mine”? How did they think it would look for the Starks to accept the benefits of Dany’s assistance only to try and back out and treat her with rudeness and hostility when she wanted their help in return? How did they think it would look to have the reason for this rudeness and hostility be “she’s not one of us”? The Starks here look like absolute assholes. Worse, this reaction can be extrapolated to the North at large.

(35:41) Complete with some poor adaptation of Arya, who doesn’t need allies and apparently doesn’t care for friends either.

(36:21) So Jon decides to reveal everything to his siblings. This devastating family secret which should have to force every Stark to reevaluate what they knew about Ned and what they thought about Ned’s treatment of their mother and brother. This is a doozy of a secret. Let’s see some reactions.

(37:15) – a cut? What the fuck? We cut away from that? Why! Why would you do this! Why would any writer in their right mind and possessed of their dramatic sensibilities cut away from the moment two of our major PoV characters discover their father’s greatest secret, in the context of renegotiating high level political relationships?

(38:09) Bronn’s presence here is insult to injury. Not only did we cut away from what by rights should have been one hell of a reveal, we cut to a scene with a character who’s just here for the fanservice. It has been a very long time since Bronn was plot-relevant or theme-relevant. His presence here, in fact, just highlights the plotholes of his involvement in previous seasons. I mean why, for the love of all that is well-written, would this character continue to play along with the jackasses who’ve promised huge payoffs and never delivered?

…aaaaaaaand now that I write it, I see it. We are all Bronn here. Right up until he gets his fucking payoff, and we the audience do not.

(40:40) Ah yes, more homophobia which is somehow not problematic when a funny character says it.

(41:26) So now that that scene is over, what did it do? The answer is “very little.” It provides an explanation of how Bronn’s Lord of Highgarden at the end of the series, when Highgarden’s resources are no longer relevant to the plot. It does not matter who’s running Highgarden. But if you cut Bronn’s subplot from this season altogether, it doesn’t actually affect shit. Hell, it opens up plotholes. Bronn’s going to vanish for the next few episodes. Cersei’s going to proceed as though she never hired anyone to off Jaime and Tyrion, and Jaime and Tyrion are going to proceed as though Cersei never hired anyone to kill them. Also as if they never decided to give away Highgarden, something I’m sure Dany would be thrillled about.

If any of the characters involved thought about the implications, that is, instead of barrelling along with the plot because Script Says So.

(42:21) So Sandor and Arya go on one last road trip for old times’ sake. Can’t have this story finish with anything but revenge.

(42:33) Now, okay, I might draw some conclusions about the quality of adaptation from the showrunners’ decision to make Arya effectively not Arya, but they can make that decision and within the show’s own canon we’ll have to live with it.

But Arya here walks out on her family, completely blank-faced, no goodbyes, no indication of any sort of grief (even a shot where Arya looks back longingly at Winterfell), on a suicide mission to take revenge on Cersei. It’s all very well to rely on Arya’s longstanding desire to kill Cersei. That’s fair. Now that desire should be competing with things like “longstanding desire to reunite with her family.” And the show skips out on depicting any internal conflict there. Instead, we approach Arya’s decision to leave through Sandor’s PoV, the reverse of the book’s choices. More about how the story weights the revenge narrative next episode.

Oh, and Sandor is also completely static as a character. Completely fucking static. Our time has been well spent watching this character not develop.

(43:37) “Why her?” Oh my god. Again? It really does seem like Sansa’s got nothing else going on in her characterisation this season but hating Dany. (This is not quite accurate. There are at least three scenes this season where Sansa is not directly or indirectly engaged in undermining or expressing her strong dislike of Daenerys.) I cannot stress enough, this is both poor depiction of Dany, and poor characterisation of Sansa!

Also, the choice to open the scene with Sansa staring at the dragons, followed by the line “why her?” frames Sansa’s subsequent choices in said scene as being motivated by her dislike of Dany. Think of that opening shot and opening line as a heading for the scene.

(44:55) We establish for sure here that Tyrion is afraid of Dany. The basis for this is Dany’s behaviour after the Loot Train Battle and Dany’s impatience to be getting on with taking King’s Landing. Note that Tyrion, while afraid of his abusive father, was not afraid of him because he pulled stunts like the Red Wedding. And while show!Tyrion hated Joffrey, unlike his book version he does not appear to have been afraid of Joffrey. So what makes Dany different?

If anyone can come up with a reason other than deeply ingrained narrative sexism…

(45:06) “The men in my family don’t do well in the capital,” Sansa says.

(45:58) It’s been [checks] eight minutes and forty-three seconds of screen time since Sansa learned the truth. A truth she swore not to reveal to anyone else. Here she makes the decision to tell someone else. Firstly, this plays real bad for Sansa herself, who broke a promise in a hot second in a scene that’s about How Much She Hates That Daenerys Woman. Secondly, this plays real bad for Jon, who trusted Sansa to do no such thing.

It’s been forty-two seconds since Sansa said she didn’t want Jon to go to King’s Landing, with the implication she believes he’ll be in danger if he does. This does not track with a motivation to protect him. It does, however, track with a motivation of wanting anyone but Dany in power.

I really don’t think the writers were trying to make the Starks look like assholes, which is why their success is so astounding.

Hey, you notice that they cut before we can see Tyrion’s reaction to this news, too?

(46:28) “I’m taking the Free Folk home. We’ve had enough of the south.” It sure is nice that this political faction doesn’t have to deal with things like the long-term material and cultural consequences of internal unification, being subject to essentially foreign authority of variable friendliness, mass migration, dispossession, things like that. Nope. Right back over the mostly-intact Wall. Nothing’s going to change for them. Just a warm southron vacay.

(46:57) Jon just fucking exiles his direwolf. Worst pet owner. Also themes, direwolves, etc.

(48:13) So Gilly’s pregnant. And Sam’s vows to take no wife and father no children have not been mentioned for an awfully long time. The showrunners masterfully resolved the central conflict of Sam’s season two, three, and four dilemmas in this relationship by ignoring it entirely.

(50:05) Here Tyrion tells Varys the big secret. In spite of the fact that he should bloody well realise that spreading the information about could destabilise Dany’s campaign for the throne and eventual rule. Good job, man. Good job. (There is also no reason to believe that Sansa knew that Tyrion would pass the information on to Varys.)

Plus additional depiction of Robert’s Rebellion as being because Robert couldn’t get over being rejected, rather than Aerys being a dangerous tyrant.

(50:41) “People are drawn to him,” Varys says of Jon, in a series where yes, we’ve seen people acclaiming Jon their leader, and precious little reason why they would do such a thing. ‘Failing upwards’ does seem to be the term. Note, however, that what Varys says equally applies to Daenerys. People drawn to her. War hero. But that doesn’t matter because Dany is a woman.

(51:08) Is marrying your aunt common in the North? Do we have time to go back to the history and lore material? And there is still no good reason this wasn’t brought up in season seven!

(51:23) Varys is very worried about Dany’s sanity. Based on…the fact she was impatient with Tyrion’s demonstrated-to-be-failing plan, the fact she didn’t enjoy the one party after one of her close friends died violently in her arms, and possibly secondhand reports of the Loot Train Battle.

This is incredibly hard to buy. I mean really. For seven seasons, Dany was a reasonable, rational individual whose cruelty was a) occasional, b) a reaction to the actions of others, and c) not out of line with what we saw from other characters, giving the impression that her behaviour as a ruler was not beyond her society’s tolerances. What made her stand out was the fact that she was freeing slaves and talking about “breaking the wheel.” That was outside her society’s tolerances. The instances of Dany’s cruelty, in the context of the series as a whole, do not appear enough to support a conclusion that mentally she’s on a downward slide.

Concern over how Dany’s handling her grief over Jorah might be more reasonable, but again, there’s no reason to think this is anything but grief and trauma. Which isn’t great, obviously, but nobody’s going “oh, she’s sad and going through a rough time,” they’re saying she’s going crazy. Just leapt right to the worst possible conclusion.

Meanwhile, on the meta level, let’s keep in mind that the narrative is using the fact that Dany wasaffected by grief and trauma as proof that she is demonstrably irrational and not fit to lead. This is textbook hysterical woman trope. Textbook.

(52:08) So for context, the dragons are approaching King’s Landing. From their height, they should have a good view of the bay.

(52:17) And yet Rhaegal gets sniped! Goodbye dragon #2! Well, given how he treated Ghost, perhaps it’s a good thing that Jon didn’t get another pet.

(52:42) Euron’s invisible fleet strikes again. Sure, we see them sailing out from behind a cliff, but the dragons had some serious height advantage, and there are a bunch of ships. Guess Dany kinda forgot about the Iron Fleet!

No, really. That’s the explanation the showrunners gave.

Even though in the moment it seems that Dany also forgot that she isn’t limited to seeing what the camera points at, and/or forgot to use her eyes. If the cliffs were high enough to hide the fleet, they should also have been too high for Euron to aim over. Not that his first two shots weren’t implausibly good either.

(53:18) And Dany does not fly around the fleet and flank them…why?

(54:02) So Euron’s invisible, memory-fogging fleet, which the showrunners have relied on way too heavily for diabolus ex machina, starts laying into Dany’s fleet. Because the showrunners seriously expected Dany to forget about the Iron Fleet. Dany has also forgotten she’s flying on a fire-breathing dragon. Don’t worry, she’ll remember when the plot says she’ll commit a bunch of war crimes.

(54:35) Again straining the limits of plausibility, Tyrion survives despite being knocked on the head by a falling mast. While in the water. In the middle of a battle. That’s one way to avoid depicting a battle that should not have happened.

(55:12) Missandei is established to be missing here.

(55:27) Cersei loses allies by the day. The smallfolk will surely turn on her. In this shot, people are pouring in through Cersei’s gates and seeking her protection. Not a riot in sight. Again, there’s no good reason why, but there we go!

(56:01) They’re not dropping Cersei’s pregnancy. This still raises questions as to how long it’s been, and she’s still not showing.

(56:30) “Keep the gates open. If she wants to take the castle, she’ll have to murder thousands of innocent people first.” That sounds to me like an argument for why Dany should be rather quick securing the capital – to prevent Cersei taking and using hostages! Note that this argument applies from season seven!

(56:44) It turns out that Missandei was captured. Yes. Euron not only managed to sneak invisibly up to Dany’s forces after they all forgot about his existence, kill a dragon with some seriously implausible sniping, escape unburned when Dany forgot to set Euron on fire, and trash her fleet utterly, he also bravely sailed in, discovered that Missandei was a hostage of significant emotional value to Dany, and captured her and her alone. What plot problems can Euron not solve.

More seriously, this is some shoddy treatment of one of the show’s only significant characters of colour. It’s going to get worse. Before we got to see Missandei’s face, we got a long shot of the chains she was put in (and a snide comment about it too).

(57:13) Varys says that storming the city is a mistake. I’m yet to hear workable alternatives. Dany’s advisors have been wrong about Cersei’s political and military strength every step of the way. Why should Dany listen to them, at this point?

However, Dany’s rejection of her advisors’ (proven-poor) advice is depicted as being born of emotion rather than reason. See above re: hysterical women. We’ve got this dichotomy between emotional women and reasonable men. This is all the more noticeable in the context of Cersei’s rule. We’ve got two queens fighting for a throne at the moment, and both are apparently willing to kill any number of people for it. Currently the narrative’s saying that our sympathies should be with the reasonable men trying to rein in these unreasonable women.

(58:34) Tyrion advocates talking to Cersei. Again. This is a bad rerun of 7.07, and 7.07 wasn’t much good to start with. What reason does Tyrion have to believe that anything Cersei says can be relied on? None. He has, instead, every reason to believe that Cersei will lie if she needs to and reject every effort for a peaceful solution. He has every reason to believe this because she already has. And also hired someone to kill him. Which he found out just a few scenes ago.

I realise that Dany’s the one on the Hitler end of the Nazi analogies in episode six, but watch out for Neville Chamberlain here. Peace in our fucking time.

(59:15) “I’ve served tyrants all my life. They all talked about destiny.” Really? Did they? I can’t recall either Tywin or Joffrey or Robert talking much about destiny. Weird throwback to book!Varys, there.

(59:44) We see here that Varys measures fitness to rule in how often the ruler agrees with him. As soon as Dany turns down his advice, even though it was of dubious merit, he starts looking for a replacement. This is, again, the sort of thing that makes Dany’s supposed paranoia not look very irrational.

(1:00:04) “Have you considered the best ruler might be someone who doesn’t want to rule?” Why, yes! That question was considered extensively in the novels, in the person of Robert Baratheon! Back in the day, Robert was a fantasy hero. He had almost everything going for him. Almost every personal quality you could want in a king. But he didn’t want the throne. And nobody could make him do the job once he was on the throne. His disinterest and inertia had profound consequences on both his personal health and the running of the country.

Robert Baratheon is GRRM’s argument against that line.

(1:00:21) While there is plenty of sexism in the narrative, I don’t think Varys is incorrect to observe that in the patriarchal setting depicted, Jon’s gender will make him a more appealing monarch candidate.

(1:00:46) Varys: Jon would make a good king of Westeros.

Also Varys: We can’t marry Jon to Dany, her personality would overwhelm his!

Tyrion’s solution addresses the problem of Jon’s claim. Varys rejects that solution because it doesn’t address the problem of Dany. He does not want Dany to be the driving force ruling the kingdom. Also, apparently marriages where the woman is a Type A personality and the man’s a Type B personality are bad. Presumably the reverse is not true.

(1:03:44) Maybe three or four scenes this season where show!Sansa isn’t focused on hating Dany? Of course, my comments about Sansa being “toughened up” by having her come to enjoy violence against her enemies still apply.

(1:05:14) Now this reads like a fuck you to everyone who was at all invested in Jaime/Brienne as a ship. Brienne lays out the basic position – Jaime is a good man, he can’t save Cersei, and he doesn’t need to die with her. Sums up a good chunk of audience hopes, too. A lot of what drives the dramatic tension of Jaime’s scenes is the audience desire to see him actually follow through on his better impulses, including giving up on his toxic relationship with his sister. Not only is the audience not unreasonable for wanting this, the audience’s desire for this has been actively encouraged by the narrative for several seasons.

(1:05:39) In response, Jaime says, “nah, not a good man, just as bad as my sister, I’ll be leaving now, see ya!” As if scenes justifying Jaime’s actions-for-love never existed (just because I don’t think “I did it for love” is a good excuse doesn’t mean the show has thus far not treated it as a good excuse), Jaime lists a bunch of crimes, concludes he’s awful, and heads out. In hindsight, this is clearly Jaime rejecting any sort of different path. At the time there were theories going round that Jaime was heading off to the battle for some sort of personal resolution…but no.

So, you know, fuck the viewers for thinking someone could grow and change, I guess. A special fuck you to anyone who shipped Jaime/Brienne. They can go cry with the Arya/Gendry shippers. This is not just bad writing, it’s asshole writing. It gave the audience something to want, gave the audience what it wanted, yanked it away, and called the audience idiots for ever wanting it in the first place.

And it’s not even the worst example of asshole writing in the series. As we know.

(1:07:26) So here’s our setup. Dany, her advisors, a small group of Unsullied, and Drogon, are all hanging out on the clear stretch of ground in front of King’s Landing. Cersei’s up there and there are a whole bunch of ballistae pointed in their general direction, as well as a whole bunch of archers on the walls.

(1:09:13) Tyrion and Qyburn state the positions of their respective monarchs. (In the context of the series, especially with both Dany and Cersei being “mad” queens, it gives me the irrits that Dany and Cersei aren’t doing the talking – no, that’s for the men. See above regarding reasonable men reining in unreasonable women.) Note that these positions each demand the unconditional surrender of the other. I don’t think this is going to be resolved. I think this is well past the point where talking does much good.

This is one of the problems I have with the “reasonable” positions proposed by the men around Dany – they fail to recognise that they aren’t working against a reasonable opponent. These men aren’t reasonable in the sense that they considered the available evidence, alternative courses of action, and weighed up their options. The alternative proposed, and initially taken up by Dany, did not work. We saw it not work for most of season seven, and it continues to not work now. The “reasonable” option here doesn’t have anything to do with the situation established by the show. It’s “reasonable” in that it’s less outright violent in the short term, without accounting for long-term consequences or, you know, major strategic objectives. It treats negotiation and non-violence as inherently the most reasonable course of action, and therefore the best.

Again, this makes for a poor contrast with the books, where Dany’s storyline has talked about just these things. There are situations where people cannot solve their problems by talking. There are peaces that should not and cannot be made. Sometimes violence is necessary. The questions are when? and why?

(1:11:49) Note that when someone does actually bother speaking to one of the monarchs here directly, Tyrion doesn’t go for reason. He does not outline military consequences as he did for Qyburn. He goes for the emotional appeal.

It’s also worth noting: fucking again? This worked so well last time.

(1:12:07) Wait, so Jaime’s hateful for murdering his cousin and attempting to murder a child, but Cersei blows up the fucking Westerosi Vatican and she’s “not a monster”? Either the show’s being inconsistent here, or Tyrion is one of a) the greatest actors Westeros has ever seen or b) fooling himself. She hired someone to kill him out of personal spite! Tyrion found this out like half an hour of screen time ago!

I’m deeply suspicious of the show’s attempts to make Cersei somewhat sympathetic at this late stage. It looks a lot to me as if this is intended to make the demonisation of Dany easier. Cersei does not do much this season. She didn’t do much last season. Continuing on from what I just said about reasonable uses of violence, we’re not actually seeing much violence these past two seasons from Cersei which would make Dany’s own use of violence reasonable and appropriate. (No, they still can’t resolve their issues by talking, Cersei’s broken deals with them before.) Cersei’s tyranny is kept out of sight and out of mind for the audience, including most if not all references to that time she blew up the Sept of Baelor, so Dany appears inherently less justified in her actions.

The only thing Cersei does this season, which she’s about to do, is in direct service of “setting Dany off” mentally.

(1:12:57) Also, Cersei’s pregnancy being used to humanise her? Yikes. In context of ongoing comparison over “who’s the worst monster?” to Dany, who is infertile? Mega yikes. These characters should not be judged by what’s going on in their uteruses.

(1:13:45) Finally! A queen speaks! After six minutes of “negotiations”.

(1:14:14) “Dracarys”? Well, that’s ambiguous. Scans an awful lot like Missandei’s saying “yeah, burn the city!”

(1:14:44) So this is awful. The show has two recurring characters of colour. It just killed one. A freed slave, killed in chains, with nasty comments made about this fact, to motivate a white character whose arc has already had fair accusations of white savourism levelled against it. Not good. Not good at all.

(1:15:20) Incidentally, I can’t help but notice that Cersei stopped at killing Missandei. She’s kinda forgotten about her archers and ballistae and that she doesn’t care for norms such as truce.

(1:15:40) Dany walks away with an actual expression on her face. Her inability to school her features after witnessing the murder of a friend is how we know, for sure, that she’s losing it. If she’s calm, she’s emotionally dead. If she’s sad, she’s hysterical. If she’s angry, she’s about to kill hundreds of thousands of people…

#anti got #fine toothed comb edition #cw: violence #cw: rape mention #season eight #in which i call a lot of people assholes

194 notes · View notes

suf-lives-rent-free · 3 years

Text

Fragments

Everything below is just my opinion; I am in no way trying to say that how I feel about this is the one correct take or whatever.

I know a lot of people like this episode and what happens in it, but I don’t. I totally understand that some people just don’t want to see any negativity, period, but negativity is not inherently bad or wrong.

Negative opinions, even about something you enjoy, can be valid too - regardless of whether you happen to agree with them or not.

Also I get very salty near the end of this, and that might be entertaining to people who stan this episode?

I am aware that a lot of people – the majority, I’m pretty sure – think that the episode is a masterpiece. And on some level, I see where they’re coming from with that assessment.

The episode is boarded beautifully, the backgrounds – especially during the training montage – are stunning as always. The music is fantastic, and the performances are great too. In these respects, Fragments is a stand-out episode; I agree.

(Like look at this. Gorgeous.)

However, something that’s bothered me since I saw the episode is the writers’ decision to write it into the story that Steven shatters Jasper.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: I just don’t get it. I’m purposefully misinterpreting the story to say it’s bad. Steven brings her back to life; and it’s not like he meant to do it in the first place. I just don’t have the capacity to understand the sublime nature of the show’s storytelling. I’m an SU crit and all I want to do is make the real fans feel about themselves for liking it.

Uhhhh... no. Nah. That ain’t it chief.

It’s true; I am not a writer. I’m just a passive consumer of media. However, I do not agree with the viewpoint that in order to properly understand or critique a thing you need to have the expertise and/or experience in order to make something similar.

For example, if I were to put something I drew when I was 10 years old next to something I drew yesterday, it shouldn’t take a person who has had an education in fine art to tell you that the latter drawing is better-looking than the former.

That’s how I approach media consumption and criticism; when I criticise a writing decision, I am doing so as a consumer. I’m not saying I could write it better, or even that my opinion is objectively correct and the writer is wrong or bad. I’m just saying that I didn’t like a thing. Which, I would hope, is allowed?

Okay, defensive hedging over, back to the point; I don’t like that they had Steven shatter Jasper.

[I get markedly saltier from this point on, fyi]

Full admission of bias here: one of the things I really cherish about the original show is how they wrote Steven’s character; he’s a boy with interests that don’t rigidly conform to gender stereotypes. He likes ‘boyish’ things and ‘girly’ things, and that’s okay; thats just him. In cartoons when I was growing up, characters like Steven would be the butt of jokes about being ‘girly’ or thinly-veiled homophobia. I find him very relatable, and I want to acknowledge that yes, that is probably a significant part of why I have such an issue with this episode’s twist.

I am not trying to say that he’s a perfect baby angel or whatever; Steven regularly gets frustrated and angry. He does some pretty manipulative and dickish things to people around him (stop trying to make Larsadie happen, Steven. It’s not going to happen). He is a flawed character who fucks up sometimes. And he’s not 100% peaceful either; he acts violently when he defends himself against corrupted Gems and Homeworld Gems (and Crystal Gems on occasion *cough*Bismuth*cough*).

However, he has a pacifistic temperament; whenever it’s possible, he prefers that problems be solved without needless violence or hurt. And I like that; in most media, it’s rare to have a male protagonist who wants to solve their problems without jumping straight to punching things.

When he accidentally frees Centipeedle, he convinces the Gems to step off and allow him to try and rehabilitate her peacefully; he even notices that the Gems’ weapons are a trigger for her, and make them put them away. He frees Lapis against the Gems’ wishes because he recognizes that keeping her prisoner is wrong, and when she steals the ocean, he talks it out and heals her so she can leave Earth peacefully.

He tries to aid Jasper when she starts corrupting, fixes Eyeball’s gemstone when she’s cracked and tries talking Bismuth down when she attacks him with the breaking point. In all of these situations, his words and help are ignored or rejected; he’s forced to resort to violence. And it traumatises him.

We get an entire episode dedicated to the fact that he’s been struggling with processing these awful things that happened.

Even in Future, Steven shows hesitation about engaging in unncecessary violence; he gives into Jasper’s goading for a fight after what’s implied to be dozens of failed tries at making her come to Little Homeschool, and he spends an entire episode trying to keep Lapis from squashing the two rogue Lapis Lazulis.

The only time he hops into a fight willingly is after Eyeball and Aquamarine hold Greg hostage, and even then they pose a clear threat to his and Greg’s safety and have made it clear that they want to hurt him emotionally and physically. Even at that, he stops and switches tactics to talking them down as soon as they lose their focus and start bickering with each other.

(I mean, he fails. But it’s the thought that counts.)

I personally find it really jarring that the writers found it appropriate to write it into the series that this same character – over the course of three (3) days – goes from disliking mindless violence for mindless violence’s sake to happily engaging in the destruction of plants and animals* and has done a total 180 on his willingness to spar with Jasper, to the point that he instigates their rematch.

*(You best believe plenty of small mammals and birds – y’know, like the nest Steven saved in the first episode – died as he and Jasper felled tree after tree, not to mention all of those displaced by the destruction of their habitats, and the potential loss of food sources from some of those trees.)

You’re telling me that it’s a reasonable character beat for this boy to gleefully laugh like an anime supervillain at his sudden new-found joy in fighting, then pin Jasper in place, taunt her for helping him get so strong, and hit her so hard that she breaks into pieces and dies?

You’re telling me that that’s an in-character thing for Steven Quartz Diamond Cutie-Pie DeMayo Universe do to another character?

(And yes I am purposefully dancing around talking about the mental health stuff because if I did that I’d have to go on a whole other tangent about Growing Pains and fuck I just don’t feel like it right now lmao)

Going back to Mindful Education, another big thing we see Steven struggle with is the idea that his mother shattered Pink Diamond. This knowledge sits heavily with him; it makes him sympathetic to the Diamonds, even under the circumstances in which he sees them (escaping from the Human Zoo, and being on trial for said murder).

He sees their grief, and he feels awful. He questions who Rose Quartz even was. He knows, based on what Garnet said, that Rose had to do it; there was no other way to free Earth. But he still feels awful seeing the pain that Pink’s loss has caused Blue and Yellow Diamond.

In Steven Universe, shattering is clearly equated with execution/death multiple times. When Pearl and Garnet fret over the crack in Amethyst’s gemstone worsening. When Blue Diamond threatens to break Ruby. When Bismuth introduces the breaking point, and Steven recoils at the sight of what it does. If you want to take the fact that Gem shards are sentient and desperate to become whole again into account, you could even argue that it’s a fate worse than death. This particular act of violence is treated very, very seriously.

When we find out that Rose shattered Pink Diamond, there is a season and a half long arc unpacking the implications and consequences of this one action, and how this knowledge forever alters Steven’s mental image of his mother. And she didn’t even kill anyone. It was a lie!

In Steven Universe Future, Steven shatters Jasper 4 episodes before the end of the series. And it’s only brought up twice; once for a big *gasp* moment during his breakdown in Everything’s Fine, and in I Am My Monster by Pearl, when she has to fill-in Bismuth, Lapis and Peridot. Notably, it is never discussed around or by Jasper. Y’know. The person who actually died.

No indication of how (or even if) what Steven did is affecting his own self-image after his initial breakdown, how Jasper feels about what she went through beyond falling back into the Era 1 and 2 mindset. No inkling of how the knowledge that Steven killed somebody has affected how anyone in his life thinks or feels about him; when Pearl brings it up in I Am My Monster, she seems to not even really believe it’s true.

If there are any consequences or talks about this incident, they’re skipped over between I Am My Monster and The Future, and we’re expected to assume that Steven and his therapist are dealing with it, I guess?

And yes. It was an accident. He did bring her back to life. But it still happened. If you hit someone over the head and they stop breathing, just because the paramedics are able to resusitate and stabilize them afterwards doesn’t mean you never hit them.

But here, it’s shoved aside because dwelling on it would take far too much time, and risks framing Steven in an unsympathetic way when he’s meant to be on the cusp of a breakdown.

It just feels like careless writing to me. They really, really wanted their big action scene with Steven and Jasper, but didn’t think (or maybe weren’t interested in thinking) about the seriousness or consequences of what Steven shattering someone would entail.

In my opinion, Steven shattering Jasper is one of the cheapest, laziest things they could have ever done with his character (and hers, for that matter). To me, the entire thing feels entirely out of character. It’s pure shock value; nothing more.

So yeah. That particular writing decision just does not work for me. And if you disagree... well that’s fine? It’s fine. We can agree to disagree? I’ve read a lot of defense/praise for this episode, and honestly even after processing all of those opinions and all the time my thoughts about this plotline have been stewing in my brain, I still feel the same way.

#steven universe #steven universe future #negativity #cw death

7 notes · View notes

zoefandom127 · 3 years

Text

Hands Up With Me Pt. 3

part 3!!! show some love to this on AO3 and Fanfiction.net

"Can you please look again?"

"I'm sorry Miss but we've looked everywhere."

They'd been at the airport for at least an hour, waiting at baggage claim. Most everyone has gathered their belongings and left but Julie couldn't leave until…

"But I swear I brought it with me on the plane," Julie murmured more to herself. In reality, it shouldn't have been that serious. She was 20 years old for goodness sake. But she'd had it since forever. The old fabric and loose stitching forever etched into her mind. It's one of the only living relics her mom had given her before she passed. The thought of it being gone isn't something she could fathom.

"Miss, we haven't seen a stuffed animal in any of our ports. If we hear anything, we'll let you know." With that, the baggage handler walked away leaving Julie in a mess.

Honestly, it's just a bear. An old, worn out bear that had been in her life for a long time. She never went anywhere without, always bringing with her on tours and keeping it backstage as a good luck charm before performances. Sometimes it would almost be as if her mom was there with her.

She knew mentally that her mom would always be with her no matter what. Somewhere in her mind or heart or whatever. But emotionally, that bear was the only other thing that made her feel close to her mom besides music. Mr. Harmelody (when she was younger she stumbled over her words and accidentally combined harmony and melody, somehow the name stuck) was there all the time. And she doesn't know why but she needs it with her.

"Come on, Julie, it's getting late." Luke laid a hand on her shoulder, pulling her out of her reverie.

"But…" Julie looked towards the boys and they were almost falling asleep on their feet. It had been a long flight and they still needed to wake up early the next morning for their interview with Carrie. Glancing at her phone, she winced when she saw it was a quarter ‘til one am. "Yeah, okay. Sorry for making you guys wait so long."

Reggie, who had been leaning on a concrete column, slowly waking at the sound of Julie's voice being directed at him, Alex, and Luke. "No worries, Jules." He gave a tired smile and kicked Alex, jolting him awake.

"Are we at the hotel yet?" Alex yawned.

"No, but the cab's outside." Luke grabbed his suitcase and started towards the exit with the boys dragging their feet behind. Julie was lagging behind the three of them sleepily as she tried to rub away the stinging behind her eyes. It's not that serious. Everything will be alright.

...

Everything was not alright.

Luke had been sitting with Julie for hours trying to come up with lyrics but the girl was dead on her feet. Ever since she lost Mr. Harmelody (he could imagine 3-year-old Julie saying that name in all her adorable cuteness) she'd been so reserved. Her answers would be 3 words or less. And she looked so distracted lately, always looking at her phone anxiously. Like she was waiting for it to ring and tell her the best news ever.

He knew the significance of the bear, how much it connected it to her mom. But he didn't think the loss of it would affect her this much. She was barely functioning what with all the singing and touring and late nights but she did it all with a smile on her face. Now she had a blank stare and barely said a word to anyone.

Yeah, he needed to fix this.

Once Julie left, Luke pulled out his phone and went straight to his text messages, clicking on the group chat with the boys.

Luke: guys we gotta help julie

Alexander: Yeah…

Reginald: Help her with what?

Alexander: Haven't you noticed that she's been kinda…

Luke: d e p r e s s e d

Alexander: ^^^

Reginald: Oh i thought she was just thinking. I mean thats what i look like when i think too hard.

Alexander: Nah you look more constipated

Luke: ANYWAY

Luke: we need to find Mr. Harmelody

Luke: any, ideas?

Reginald: Oooooo maybe we could bribe them

Alexander: With what? Your stupidity?

Reginald: *gasp* I take that very offensive

Alexander: You should

Alexander: Calling the airport would probably be the best option

Alexander: Though I think if they found it they would've called

Luke: right but maybe we just have to be more insistent

Alexander: Oh wow Luke, broadening your vocabulary lately?

Luke: haha

Luke: instead of calling we could like go in there and demand the bear

Luke: that could work right?

Alexander: Not if we want to be carried away by airport security

Reginald: Ngl thatd be kinda fun

Luke: idk guys but we have to find it. Julie is not okay

Reginald: Awww yeah for Jules we gotta find Mr. Harmelody

Reginald: ...I still think bribing them could work

Alexander: Wait maybe we could bribe them with a concert.

Alexander: If they search, we play

Luke: yeah that could work!

Luke: i'll call flynn so she can set it up. that girl is more intimidating than our actual manager

All the details would be figured out now but for now…

"We're coming for you, Mr. Harmelody."

...

Julie was bummed.

Well to be honest, she was bummed all the time now. It had been a little over a week since Mr. Harmelody has been gone. The fact that she was this upset over a stuffed animal made her feel like a child again. She was reminded of the time she lost Mr. Harmelody when she was 9 years old. Her mom had taken her and Carlos to the town fair and her mom warned her not to bring Mr. Harmelody but at the time she was at the age where her attachment to her belongings was fierce. Julie didn't have a good grip on her bear for the dropdown ride and Mr. Harmelody went flying from her hands and through the air.

As soon as her legs were on solid ground she went running in the general direction of where the bear flew, leaving her mom and Carlos to follow behind her as tears trailed down her face. After an hour of crying and searching, Rose found Mr. Harmelody lodged underneath a vendor cart for funnel cake.

Maybe she had been a little dramatic back then, especially when she cried "my life is ruined" in her mother's embrace. But all the memories and love engraved in that bear seemed to be lost without it with her.

Just as they seemed lost right now.

Walking through the hallway of her apartment building, Julie heard voices from behind her door.

"Shhh."

Furrowing her eyebrows, she placed her ear against the door gently so as not to alert the people inside the apartment of her presence.

"Okay, I'm gonna set up the camera."

"Reg, we don't need to record this."

"Are you kidding? The fans will eat this up. A touching JATP moment, if you will."

"I will not."

Hearing enough, Julie unlocked the door and wandered in.

"Julie!" Luke yelled, surprised.

There Alex, Luke, and Reggie stood looking as suspicious as ever.

Hesitantly, Julie continued her trek inside. "Hey…" She spoke wearily.

"Did we figure out how we're gonna present it to her?" Alex asked after a brief moment of silence as Julie stared at them skeptically with her arms crossed.

"Uh no. Not really." Reggie responded, still looking at Julie with a smile on his face.

"What's going on?"

The boys looked at each other as if making a small agreement as they nodded their heads slightly. Luke had both his hands behind his back, clearly holding something. He stepped up to her and proceeded to show her Mr. Harmelody in all of his stuffed glory.

Everything was the exact same. The same worn clothes and stitches that were begging to be replaced, albeit a little dirtier than before. Julie reached a hand to touch the fluffiness of the soft bear, tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

"How did you…"

"Let's just say we're gonna be performing a private concert at the airport on Thursday." Luke smiled, proudly at her.

Julie barely even heard him. She quickly gathered the bear from Luke's hands and clutched tightly to her chest, closing her eyes at the familiar yet nonexistent embrace of Mr. Harmelody. She bent her legs until her knees were fully folded against her chest, pushing the bear closer against her as her arms tightened around it.

Tears streamed down her face freely and she almost didn't register the feeling of her boys kneeling around her. The proximity brought even more comfort.

"Thank you." Julie croaked out, her eyes still shut firmly.

"Anytime, Jules." Alex rubbed her back as she cried softly.

Once her cries ceased, Julie looked up with puffy eyes at each of the boys who surrounded her. "Mr. Harmelody says thank you too." She grinned brightly.

"Aw," Reggie spoke as he placed his arms around all three of them. "I can't wait to put this on Instagram."

...

The next day Julie got an Instagram notification that she was tagged in a post from Reggie. The caption read:

"JATP moments like this>>>"

Julie smiled down at her phone when she saw a picture of the four of them kneeled on the carpet floor of her apartment gathered in a warm hug. Obviously, he chose not to post the full video, wanting to keep some parts of their lives separate from their fanbase.

After taking a look through the comments, she finally decided to comment one of her own.

“Mr. Harmelody is back in commission!"

lukepatterson replied to your comment: "damn right!"

alexmercer replied to your comment: "The unofficial member of Julie and the Phantoms"

Julie grinned happily as she laid her phone on her coffee table. Mr. Harmelody may have been her source of comfort then but now? She had her boys.

hope yall enjoyed!

#julie and the phantoms #julie molina #luke patterson #alex mercer #reggie peters #jatp fanfic #jatp family #fanfiction #jatp julie #jatp alex #jatp reggie #luke jatp

5 notes · View notes

in-dire-need · 4 years

Text

OK, I’M SICK- Badflower

OK, I’M SICK was released in 2019 as upcoming band Badflower’s first full-length album. Every single track on the album has gotten its due share of the spotlight as the album climbed the billboard charts. A band that was once the underdog of the rock scene became a renowned name almost overnight. Frontman Josh Katz ties personal experiences into emotional stories to create the perfect blend of heart wrenching and riveting.

Opening track “x ANA x” serves as the perfect introduction to the chaotic world of Badflower. Its extremely powerful, vulgar, and aggravated sound welcomes all the chaos that is to come. Frontman Josh Katz had spoken out about his growing issues on tour before the creation of this album: he would have panic attacks every night on stage and could hardly stand to look at himself when off stage. His anxiety grew to such a high level that he was prescribed Xanax to calm down. “x ANA x” is written as a love letter to the prescription drug, which Katz had now developed a dependency for. He tells ‘Ana’ that even though she saves him from his demons, he can’t breathe with her around. He craves the feeling of being himself again, but he craves her more. He explains the awful life he lives without her, then the instrumentals slow down as an auditory example of the effect Xanax has on a person. He begs her not to let him lose control over himself, so he keeps her around as he destroys himself.

"The Jester” waited almost an entire year after its initial release to bask in its well-earned fame, when a well-deserved music video and an acoustic adaptation were released. Josh expresses that he feels like a source of comedic entertainment for others, as if he is only there as a jester. Everyone is just fucking him over, letting him run in circles for their own amusement.

The next track is an extremely emotional one and if you deal with sensitivity toward subjects involving depression and/or suicide, I suggest you skip past this paragraph. “Ghost” was first released as a single before being added to the set of the album. Badflower’s raw performance on The Late Night Show With James Corden is what attracted so many initial listeners to them. The lyrics depict the narrative of someone who has attempted suicide by self-harm multiple times, but has never succeeded. He thinks about how he is a constant let-down to his friends and a disappointment to his family. He wants to give in and try again, but he is worried that he will fail once more and that his pain will continue. At the same time, he wants someone to save him from this endless loop of self-destruction that he has caught himself in. He finally makes up his mind and attempts to kill himself once more. As the blood leaves his body and his vision goes dark he regrets not telling his family that he loves them and not leaving a letter. He admits that the thought of regretting what he did is so fucked up and, at the very end of the song, his last attempt succeeds in taking his life out of his hands. In another interview, Josh disclosed that the true inspiration behind the gut-wrenching, graphic track was fortunately not from a personal experience. He explained that during tour his mental health had severely deteriorated, as mentioned in “x ANA x,” and he was considering harming himself. Instead, he wrote “Ghost” to keep him from making that mistake for himself. Not only did this intent work for him, but possibly millions of people in the same situation. “Ghost” appears as a gruesome depiction of humanity’s lowest point, but actually serves as a beacon of hope for the many that are unfortunate enough to be living that reality.

Now that that emotional hashing is through, let’s progress through the rest of the album. The next wave of songs depicts individual stories of different people in extremely different situations. “We’re In Love” presents the conflict of a man struggling with his sexual identity as he begins having a sexual relationship with another man. He has never been with a man before and struggles with accepting who he is. “Promise Me” is a sweet-sounding track that expresses putting your all into a relationship just for it to be torn away from you as you and your partner grow older. This song was inspired by Katz’s fear of growing old and losing his loved ones. At the end of the trifecta, “Daddy” tells the story of a girl who was sexually abused by her alcoholic father from a very young age. The trauma permanently scars her, so when her father is hospitalized at an old age she smothers him to death as payment for all the years he stole from her.

“24″ returns the focus back to Katz’s own personal experiences in a sedated and calmed intermission. He reminisces about when he was younger and had a life ahead of him. He had hopes, dreams, and passion. In the present, he struggles with depression, anxiety, and drug addiction. This calls back to the continuing theme of Katz feeling worthless, as he states that his friends should let him die because he is too afraid to be alive. The next track was featured as a single, on the band’s EP Temper, and on OK, I’M SICK. Whereas “x ANA x” compared a drug to a person, “Heroin” does just the opposite. The song was originally released in 2014, five years before its release on the album. It is tied with “Ghost” for what is the band’s most emotionally raw performance. Josh knows that the girl he is with is wrong for him and is toxic, but he finds himself addicted to her. She treats him horribly, but he constantly finds himself going back to her. He knows that in the long-term he will escape his addiction to her, but cannot find it in himself at the time. It has become somewhat of an anthem for people that have been trapped in toxic or abusive relationships and has inspired many to stand up when found in that situation.

The calm atmosphere created by the last two tracks is destroyed as the hardcore, violent, and extremely offensive song written about people that are so afraid of change that they bring an entire nation down. Though many think that “Die” is directly aimed at Donald J. Trump, Katz has stated that it is not. Many of the lyrics point toward that conclusion, since many of the people that the song is truly aimed at are grouped in with Trump supporters. Keeping with the violent political scene, “Murder Games” solidifies Katz’s vehement stance on veganism and the consumption of meat. “Girlfriend” serves as yet another action-packed, graphic, and vulgar piece of insight into the real world. To put it simply, a man goes onto an online dating service to find love and becomes obsessed with an attractive woman’s profiles to the point where he imagines cutting her open and tasting her blood.

“Wide Eyes” continues the stories of people in horrible situations, telling the story of an altar boy who was sexually abused by the priests in his Church. He hid what happened to him from his loved ones in fear of being named a liar and being alienated from the Church. During the breakdown, he finally gives in and comes out about how the priests treated him. He accepts that he has become the shame of the Church and has been twisted into the bad guy. The album ends in the exact opposite place to where it started. “Cry” is a soft ballad about emotional pain that utilizes the use of metaphors and imagery to describe the action without actually using the word ‘cry’.

OK, I’M SICK has not only brought the band to an amazing place, but has brought Josh Katz to a better mental state. Thousands of fans worldwide have been affected by the words contained in this masterpiece, and have even been given the will to keep going. That being said, it is very clear that there are two continuing themes throughout the album: Josh’s personal struggles and the struggles of other people in these horrible situations. This album covers an extremely broad scale, ranging from suicide to internet stalking to sexual abuse. This not only raises awareness to these issues that plague the world, but serve as a message to all people personally dealing with them. By telling the stories of these people, Badflower has given real-world survivors a safe space to open up about their struggles and the memories that follow them. This atmosphere is what brings listeners to cherish this band because Badflower is more than just a band and OK, I’M SICK is more than just an album. Badflower is a home. A haven. Somewhere that, despite all the world’s troubles and grievances and sickness, you can feel safe. When most bands tell a story, that’s all it is. A story. By connecting to this vulnerable and powerless side of humanity, OK, I’M SICK crosses the line from story to message. It is a message telling you to keep going and to cherish the good that you have. It is a message telling you that the situation you are in now is under your control and that things will get better. Nothing is permanent, and that is both a good thing and a bad thing. So relax. Go enjoy yourself.

“Okay, I’m sick! Not the kind of sick that lands you in the doctor, Not the kind that makes you weak and then heals you stronger, It's the kind of sick that turns your legs into spaghetti. It’s the kind of sick that makes your blood burn and your bones heavy. The kind of sick that makes an atheist pray for Jesus. The kind of sickness that turns your power into weakness. And I'm sick of being sick for this whole fucking place to witness. And I'm living a sick life that most people call privileged. And they're kinda right, but I’m still sicker than I can cope with.”

#ok i'm sick #badflower #music

29 notes · View notes

toneelspeelster · 4 years

Text

portraying trauma, a skam and remakes comparison

disclaimer: i’ll start this by saying this meta will be critical of the way wtfock portrayed their version of a traumatic experience (the gay bashing). if you do not want to engage with criticism on this, i’d advise you not to read. this will also discuss only a few versions (skam, druck, skam nl and wtfock) in particular because i didn’t want to make it too long and because i feel these versions deal with trauma in an interesting way.

common reactions

in any case, i’d like to start with common reactions after experiencing a traumatic event, be it a sexual assault, emotional assault, physical assault etc.

1. anxiety and fear 2. re-experiencing of the trauma. 3. increased vigilance 4. avoidance 5. anger 6. guilt/shame 7. grief/depression 8. self image and view of the world is negative, trust is difficult. 9. difficulty with sexual relationships 10. substance abuse (i’d include negative coping mechanisms here too). source

now, i mention this not because i think every remake hits these but rather because i want people to see what commonly happens after traumatic events to people and how wtfock in one instance (robbe/sander) misses the mark completely while in another (zoe) it actually sort of works. and how other remakes have dealt with the subject matter.

first off: skam

to start with even’s traumatic experience and his response. i’m starting with even mostly because it’s the original series, not necessarily bc i think it’s the most elegant portrayal (bc it’s definitely not). but in essence, what it does show is the effect of a traumatic event in the long run. even’s experience at bakka, where he kissed one of his friends he had a crush on; who rejected him; even being in a manic episode; resulting in a suicide attempt and his self inforced isolation from his best friends by going to another school and ignoring their messages - it’s touched upon in his initial season but expanded in season 4. and still at least one year later, still even freezes up in fear immediately after seeing his friends. even is incredibly anxious; it’s clear he’s recalling past memories he’s been trying to avoid for forever; he feels immensely guilty (he wants to see elias, he really does, he just doesn’t know how) and even though i think even’s self image is not necessarily the result of this experience, it does have an even more negative effect on his self-image. even has difficulties liking himself, seeing worth in himself, even in season 4. after reconciling w him (however that even went we don’t know) he appears in one of their vlogs and still you can see how uncomfortable it makes him to talk about it. but, this is what it ends on: you see the strength of even reaching out to those he loves and for them being able to reach out to him too. in the end, it’s healing. it is discussed throughout the season.

then, numbers two: druck and skam nl

i’m combining these two in one entry bc i feel like these two portrayals deal with the repercussions of traumatic experiences to the life of these two very well.

first off, we have david, who came out as transgender at a previous school and was met with intense transphobic reactions; deadnaming, invasive personal questions and just generally awful treatment by people - it resulted in david feeling very unsafe, difficulties sleeping and hiding and running away in the hopes of avoiding these situations. it affects his world view of the world as unkind, and him forcing himself to be okay with being alone bc the only one he trusts is himself. he doesn’t let people too close (wanting to stay anonymous) and when matteo breaks up with sarah he runs bc matteo is getting too close. and then, it happens again. he’s outed on social media in his new school, having difficulties even doing his exams bc his teacher is being a transphobic dick and he’s scared of both him and the kids at school. he then, after staying with his godmother, hides himself away at an unsafe, abandoned pool and even staying there for a night.

then, we have liv. earlier in her life, she’s implied to have had an eating disorder - a traumatic experience in itself. and although she seems very aware of her needing to be careful not to fall into those patterns again, it unfortunately does come to the front again when faced with the fact that she’s been sexually assaulted in her sleep and it’s been filmed without consent. as an eating disorder survivor, i’d say her body is already something she might have difficulties with. to combine that with sexual assault.. it results in liv isolating herself at home, resorting to doing her white(!) laundry multiple times in one week and her stress baking cookies only for her to give them to her roommates. her mum even asks her if she’s eating well - for a mother who seems emotionally and physically distant otherwise, liv must’ve not sounded well. even when she seems a little bit better, engel still comes over to check up on liv and cook for her. engel has similar ed experiences so she knows it’s not something that’s just gone one second to the next.

these portrayals work well bc it is clear that their experiences have become a detriment to their view of the world and result in them resorting to very unhealthy coping mechanisms. they both clearly feel the loss of control, the triggering of (past) experiences; the avoidance and the isolation. liv feels immense shame, david feels immense anger and fear - they both have difficulties trusting people, even the ones they care about the most.

but, in the end?

david does let matteo subtly know where he is, bc he knows matteo will see him and find him. matteo calls him even out on it: you are not a damned vampire who needs to hide away, he says - something that david didn’t even see about himself until matteo told him. he finds support in matteo and all of his friends and his sister. he doesn’t need to be alone anymore.

and liv? she tells her friends about her troubles eventually, and they support her wholeheartedly, telling her it’s not her fault and flashing boobs while doing so. liv finds the strength to confront her attacker and blackmailing him, and eventually her boyfriend tells her she needs to go to the police to report his brother.

these are both david’s season-long storyline and liv’s multiple episode storyline (all her clips for the first week after her experience focus solely on this). it’s healing to see this happen to survivors of these experiences.

as a ender: wtfock

i think it’s important to establish first that this is first and foremost about robbe/sander’s gay bashing. robbe and sander have been dating approximately three days when they are violently and verbally assaulted and seemingly left for dead in antwerp’s streets. the next episode makes a point of robbe and sander being hurt badly with bruises and cuts and black eyes, robbe doesn’t sleep much and is irritated quickly and sander has a very weird reaction to violence in general and doesn’t want to go to the police. later, robbe is scared that sander was put off by the idea of going to the police, that he felt forced. within that same first episode, robbe tells milan the true story and zoe a little off story and they react sympathetically, zoe even offering her doctor. robbe’s mum’s psych also refers him to a therapist and he calls her.

but then the storyline, after episode 6? it ends? milan seems to weirdly reference it sometimes but it doesn’t come to any conclusion in the end. after reconciling sander and robbe have no trouble kissing in front of everyone. there’s no sense of robbe or sander having internalised a different world view after this experience. they even never discuss it ever again after that first week. robbe going to a therapist is not even shown or referenced at all, even with the opportunity being there with social media updates. there’s no real repercussions, except for loss of sleep and sander maybe sort of seeing it as a way of destroying something time and again but that’s more his world view bc of his mental illness i’d say. it’s a storyline for one episode, that’s it. and with how irresponsibly they portrayed it by not immediately showing them being alright or together or taken care off but waiting hours for an update, it triggered a hella lot of audience members instead. as a bisexual woman myself, i felt scared watching that.

zoe’s storyline of having to testify even got more of an appropriate portrayal as she’s scared to testify and also feels pushed by the people who love her the most (milan and senne). her breaking up w senne feels more an actual genuine decision bc of messed up feelings about the whole situation (senne being quite... aggressive with how he approaches her about it sometimes.. it felt like he wanted it for himself mostly, not for her). her not being able to sleep and feeling exhausted, months after the actual traumatic experience happened. it has an effect on her and how she responds and how she makes decisions.

conclusion

experiences like these have repercussions. but apparently in belgium only sexual assault results in trauma. gay bashing doesn’t. it had no true purpose except to educate straight people about the plight of lgbt people being attacked violently. but, as people far more eloquent than i have said, why? homophobes will not watch this series and suddenly turn around. and the world is damned if people just don’t realise that beating up people is bad and shouldn’t happen.

the true purpose of skam is to teach people of all kinds, and to show people of a certain minority, community or with same/different life experiences that there is hope, and a lot more to them than just what they have experienced. now even the good portrayals could have all benefitted from telling the audience that it’s good and okay to go to therapy about this... but at least they didn’t shy away from a storyline that shows how deep this runs for people. they devoted time to it.

and that’s all wtfock really needed to do if wanting to make a point by including this. they didn’t. it’s sensational fodder at best. and i think that the characters as well as the audience?

they deserved better than that.

#skam #wtfock #druck #skam nl #skam meta #wtfock meta #druck meta #skam nl meta #mine

197 notes · View notes