#aro community is Unsure how to feel?

[arcanewebs]

amazing episode EASILY one of my most favorite battle episodes of all time. How Ever is it insane of me to wish it went Just a little bit worse than it did. for the plot

#needed more riz torment LOWKEY. IM JUST SAYING. PUTS HANDS UP #HE DIDNT HAVE TO SEE FIRSTHAND THE POSESSIONS? DIDNT GET ATTACKED BY BARON PERSONALLY? #i mean i love the way kristen and adaine had those clutch loves that saved riz while he was in jawbones room but STILL #and im also glad baron didnt die. HOWEVER #IDK. HELP. #i really hope its talked about more in the ap or next episode or something #can we hear the word aromantic said out loud PLS! PLS? #aro community is Unsure how to feel? #ann bangers #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #MOVES***** MOVES. MOVES. MOVES. I DONT HAVE AUTOCORRECT ON. FUCK I DIDNT CATCH IT EARLIER #yeah loves why not they all love each other it works i guess what tha hell

[patronsaint-ofthedenial]

Me when I identified as bi: of course aros and aces are part of the lgbtq+ community and they belong here! Anyone who says they're not queer enough is just wrong

Me now, knowing I'm aroace: hhhhh wgat if I don't really qualify as lgbtq+......... ..am I welcome here. Do I belogn. But I'ma creep I'm a weirdo what the hell am I doingh ere

#jack's thoughts #i may have impostor syndrome. idk what the requirements are for that #but to be fair. me being so unsure about it and thinking i'm just using big words to make my problems sound serious... #my fucking god that's one big fat example of irony i may just have impostor syndrome #anyways. if i believed aros and aces belong in the community back when i thought i was bi.. maybe i shouldn't doubt myself now #i mean. i'm pretty damn queer to be honest #not being interested in romance or sex in a world obsessed with romance and sex.. sounds queer to me #eh fuck it what do i have to prove huh #i'm me aren't i. you're not me. i know how i feel don't i isn't that what matters

[cemeterything]

How did you figure out u were aro? I find plenty of menes about it, also suspecting for a few years i am but still absolutely unsure about it.

my track record with relationships mostly. i thought it was just commitment issues, but even after trying to work on those and do everything "right" as far as communication, honesty, etc. goes my inability to feel comfortable or happy in a romantic relationship still persisted, and i came to the realisation that it wasn't really relationships i had problems with, but the expectations that come attached to the label of "romance". the prioritisation of romantic relationships and romantic love above all else was unbearable to me. it's not that i didn't love my romantic partners at all, but i didn't like the feeling of being unable to choose how i expressed that love, or the idea that this kind of love was more special than any other. i'm willing to admit that my control freak tendencies, paranoia and other trauma responses have also probably played a hand in my difficulty with romantic relationships, and that i wasn't fair to some of my exes, who were good people who loved me as best as they could, but i'm happier and i think that my relationships are healthier now.

[aro-but-not-ace]

I would love to know what you enjoy about being aroallo! And/or how being aroallo colors one's perspectives on relationships positively/uniquely. I'm working on accepting my own aroalloness and these topics are hard for me to see positively for myself at the moment. Just some thoughts, love ur blog! ^^

Of course! And thank you for your support! I’m glad my blog is able to help 😊

For one thing, I love the perspective that being aroallo gives me on relationships. I feel like it helps me be intrinsically less judgmental about sex. Of course, I think my upbringing and the people around me impacted my view, but I’m able to understand people’s complex relationships a lot better. You’re dating and sexually active? Cool! You’re not dating but you’re FWB? Hell yeah! Dating but not having sex? Nice! It all just feels the same and I don’t have strong opinions on it. It helps a lot of my friends feel comfortable and open with me, which I appreciate. I think if I were allo, I’d have a harder time understanding (ie I feel like I wouldn’t emotionally understand FWB or just casual sex as well as I do being aroallo).

I also like being aroallo because it helps me know what my boundaries are. I’ve always had a hard time setting boundaries, personally, but being aroallo and having that label helps me communicate what I’m uncomfortable with better. I used to be unsure of my boundaries, but now I feel more confident (I can let people know I’m aromantic, and if they’re my partner, I can explain which romantic actions I’m uncomfortable with and which ones I don’t mind). It’s better for me to say “I’m aromantic, I haven’t tried that with anybody yet, but if you’re willing to help me explore that I’d love to try it” than “I’m not sure, I haven’t tried it, I might like it?” and then being accused of not loving or caring about the person when I don’t like doing something. Most of that comes from interacting with people who don’t respect boundaries, but telling them I’m aro and that I’m not very romantically affectionate tends to weed out the ones who would treat me like that.

Those are the things I appreciate about being aroallo for the most part. There are tons of other things too, and I’m still learning more about my own perspective with each day and each interaction I have with people. I hope this helped, and I wish you good luck!

#aromantic #arospec #aspec #aroallo #alloaro #aromantic spectrum #aro #aro ask

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Rarely ever do I read ace!reader x character fics bc there is so often the trope of "im ace but can still have sex!" which has been an issue in the ace community i feel, since it sometimes did make sex-repulsed folk like me seem broken or less valuable (not to mention the slap to the face to aro folks that is "i can still love!" as though that is the only thing keeping us human), but I really like the approach you took in your fic! just read both parts, and I'm looking forward to the next, whenever that may be. i am hoping for such softness....

Thank you! I can’t tell you how much it means to me to read this. I was unsure whether there would even be an audience for this so to know it resonated means so much. And don’t you worry, softness is coming.

For context: I Want It All

#comment #astarion #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #asexual!reader #asexual #baldur’s gate 3 #bg3

[grayskiesandink]

Listen to me

I can't explain it

But I have a feeling that error is aroace in the way that he wasn't before but something changed him and he became aroace

Like a traumatic event

Not a relationship though

Also ink engages in queerplatonic relationships with dream,,,

Also killer doesn't know how to clean his knives so he just buys, more

honestly I do like the idea of there being representation for those who feel a connection to the aromantic and/or asexual labels because of trauma! Understandably, there’s large push within the aro, ace, and aroace communities to educate that these identities are just because that’s the way people are born- as people like to say that lack of attraction is an issue/must be medical/due to trauma. I understand this push and have, myself, educated people in the past. I also think there should be acceptance for those who feel they are aro, ace, or aroace because of trauma. I believe that identities should be about communication. You should feel free to identify the way you feel best communicates your identity and experiences. If a trauma survivor doesn’t experience attraction because of their trauma (or is unsure if their lack of attraction is because of their trauma) and feels that identifying as asexual/aromantic/aroace feels right/is easiest to communicate their lack of attraction to others/the community makes them feel safe: I feel they should be allowed to identify as such.

sorry for the long rant lol, I hope that made sense.

anyway yeah !! I headcanon geno as being biromantic (maybe demiromantic?) asexual, so I see Error as the same. but honestly while I see Error maybe experiencing romantic attraction time to time possibly I don’t think he’d act on it. and maybe even identify as aroace just because he feels that gets across to people his experience/desires around relationships best.

I don’t know if it’s obvious at this point but I like putting Ink and Dream in interesting dynamics. put them in situations!!! make it hurt… make it melt my heart make it sweet make me want to cry. they’re tragedy they’re everything to me. qpr is just one of the possible flavors to explore that I love

and NFJSKFJSJFJEKF that’s. such a funny idea. I love that

#ask #ask to tag

[arodescence]

When I first realized I was aromantic and asexual I wasn’t happy about it. I was heartbroken, blindsided, and scared about what this meant for me. I wasn’t sure how people would view me. I was afraid of being “alone forever” because no one could ever stand to hang out with someone incapable of experiencing what so many view as what “makes us human.” I had already been so confident in what I identified with before and I was wrong so how am I supposed to trust myself now? Were all very real thoughts I had…

I feel like that needs to be said because a lot of the time we hear of aro/aces being happy when they first realized and that’s incredible and I am super happy for them but we need to normalize feeling lost and unsure too. It’s perfectly normal to have negative emotions toward your sexuality and I need that to be preached from the tallest building in the world.

I am still slowly learning to accept myself and I want everyone else in the aspec community who is on the same journey to self-acceptance to know that I am with them. You are not alone!

#aroace #aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #ace positivity #aro positivity #aspec positivity #aspec community

[criminalskies]

Hi Rome! I wanted to reach out to you because I feel this is a safe space and I know it’s stupid because we don’t even really know each other but I feel like I can trust you and that I have your support. Anyway, I wanted to kind of ask for advice on my sexuality if that’s ok. I’ve been kind of questioning it the last few years but am not really sure what I identify with. I always used to think I was straight but now it feels like I don’t belong in that “category”

I don’t like s3x. I don’t find it to feel good or be fun or anything like that. I don’t mind reading smutty stuff sometimes but when it gets too descriptive, I’m out.

I mostly find men attractive, but I sometimes find women attractive as well. But I don’t really feel sexually drawn to either of them. Like the most I feel is fantasizing about holding their hand or cuddling or maybe making out but certainly nothing past that. I mean I’ve had dreams (not like fantasizing but literal night time dreams) about being with both a man or a woman, but idk if that means anything. And I’ve found that some of the people I find attractive aren’t your typical “hot” people and it thinks it’s because I might care more about who they are than what they look like? Idk

I sometimes fantasize about having a relationship, but in reality I don’t want one. I think I more just like the idea of it and how they are in books and movies, but not the real life situation. Especially when I think about being with someone all the time. I prefer to be on my own. Which I guess is why I wonder if this even really matters, but I feel like I need to know even if it’s not applied?

Anyway, sorry, I’m rambling!! I just wanted someone to discuss this with I guess and I don’t really want to go to my family yet, which is why I wanted to reach out to you (and I guess the tumblr community if you decide to answer this and it’s on your feed lol) and if you do choose to share any advice, thank you, I love you, I love your writing, and the nasty anon people who share their evil words can kindly piss off! <3

Hi baby! Let me start this off by saying there’s no reason for you to feel silly at all, I say that this account is a safe space and I really mean it. I’m glad you feel comfortable and supported by me because that’s a goal of mine to have people always feel that way on my page.

Now, I’m assuming you’re here bc you’ve seen me talk about times in my life when I’ve thought I was asexual or even aromantic? and that stays true. admittedly when you sent me this ask I went full dad mode googling the aro/ace spectrum lingo and terms to make sure I’m giving you the best information. I also researched this stuff a bunch myself because as you say it’s all a bit confusing when you feel you fall between the ‘categories’.

But that’s an important point for me to make here: asexuality and aromanticism are fluid and exist on a spectrum. All our life experiences and ups and downs and mindsets and the people in our lives can change or skew these things, and that’s okay! I don’t expect to identify the exact same way forever. Honestly, when I first learned what aro and ace were, I was a bit lost because doesn’t everybody feel like this sometimes?

So with my newfound research let me try to talk you through what you’re saying?

You don’t like sex, not fun, not desirable, that’s completely valid. I’m finding more and more myself that I maybe fall somewhere under that umbrella, but an interesting term I found online helped me here:

All the different niches of asexuality get a little confusing, but I resonate a lot with this one. I find myself with very little desire to actually partake in sex, but enjoying the fantasies or hypotheticals to be really interesting. I enjoy reading smut and even writing it once in a blue moon, but yeah, in terms of the real thing, I’m becoming increasingly unsure it’s my cup of tea.

I notice you said sometimes smut can be your cup of tea, if it’s nondescript or just implied etc, but usually isn’t. I completely understand what you mean. I think that’s a completely valid stance. You aren’t completely repulsed by sex but you’re also not aroused by it, I totally hear you!

Now you say you find yourself attracted to men and to women, but not sexually. I feel that. I fantasise about having someone to hold hands with and play with their hair, cuddle up under blankets to watch movies, all that fun jazz all the time! so it sounds to me like you’re existing somewhere on the ace spectrum, but you’re not aromantic. That is, you do feel romantic attraction, you do want a partner in some things outside of platonic life. Again! Man!!! I hear you! I want the quiet days and the running errands and having someone who knows me like the back of their hand, but I’m not sure I want that person sexually or at least not all the time.

And the people you’re attracted to, it’s less because of that primary attraction (this term comes up a lot in ace literature, it’s that feeling non-ace people get when they see someone and immediately a fire is lit in their belly, they want that person) and more because you get to know and love them as a person. You are preaching to the damn choir here.

Secondary Attraction is a term for that feeling that slowly grows over time, particularly romantic feelings for someone. It’s mostly coined by Demisexual people, which I feel like maybe you’re fitting into, only not in the sexual way, but in the romantic way. Like you might be asexual but demiromantic where all of your attraction comes from getting to know the person underneath. Sorry if it sounds like I’m making up words at this point but i think it helps to have some language to help describe how you’re feeling. But again! There’s no necessity to define these things. Just saying you’re asexual but you feel romantic attraction can cut it, or saying nothing at all is fine, too. You don’t have to fit into any little boxes sweetheart. Although it can be comforting to know that others fit into the same one, that you’re not alone. But let me tell you, you aren’t 💕💗 I’m right here and I feel you!

Now the part where you say you don’t want a forever relationship, I can understand too. Now it sounds a little like you might exist somewhere within aromantic because you don’t have that desire to have a romantic relationship. That is so okay too.

there are some ace-aro people who are referred to as greysexual or greyromantic (I know this sounds so made up but it helped me feel seen) who can feel some degree of sexual attraction or some degree of romantic attraction sometimes, but for the most part they fit under the general umbrella. Remember, time changes all. We aren’t going to be the same people we are today forever, so we can’t expect one identity to withstand the force of time alone, things change and that’s okay.

Please please remember that being ace or aro does not mean your life will be any less fulfilling than people who have partners. I know that in media, romantic love can be shown as being something a level above platonic love, but really truly your life can be just as marvellous without it my dear.

Please do not apologise for rambling, Rome loves to ramble. My inbox is always open for rambling sweetheart! I have definitely doubled the length of your ramble at this point anyways so I’ll cut to the chase. I threw a lot of labels o it there for you to try them on and see what feels right, but truly, labels aren’t a necessary part of being a human being. You are no less interesting or less important or less understood if you can’t make yourself fit into any one of these categories my love. You’re human, humans are complex and every single one is an anomaly of something. That’s what makes us so damn interesting, okay?

I see you and I understand you. Thank you for coming to me to talk about this, I hope any single thing I’ve said helps. There is no need at all to run to people with a definition of it, it’s perfectly okay to just tell them what you’ve told me, which is how you feel.

Now I love you too my sweet summer child and I’m so glad you enjoy my writing and my blog! And I agree, that anon was a whole mess but for the most part it seems to be over now. I’m so glad I didn’t disable all anon asks now though because then I never would have gotten this from you. I hope I have been of any help at all! The bottom line is you are loved and you are you. There’s no need to change that. ❤️🧡💛💚🩵💜🩷

also I have about eleven more screenshots from this site if you want them but it’s just all the terms I tried to describe.

#Rome’s advice corner #I am so fucking honoured this person came to me with this #I feel like a proud papa #Rome’s got mail! #anon mail!

[aromantic-diaries]

I don't know too many micro-labels in the aro and ace communities but I feel like I need one to describe/validate how I feel so I was wondering if you could help me.

I thought that I was bi(curious) at around 7th grade but never thought too much about romance or sexual feelings since I grew up with my parents constantly saying things like "no boyfriends until you're 16" and all that jazz.

Mid-way through 8th grade I started looking through the other labels. I eventually settled with being panromantic/acesexual because I never really thought of being sexually attracted to anyone and I also never really had a 'crush' on a certain gender. I would usually think "Oh, they're so pretty/handsome/attractive" but not in a truly romantic case. (Another indicator that I am somewhere on the aro and ace specs is that I lied many many many times about celebrity crushes and other crushes)

Fast forward a month or so before pride month and the end to my 9th grade I find out about the aromantic spectrum and I'm like "this is neato cause this actually makes sense for me". But I still can't find the "right one" even after taking many online quizzes to try and get an idea on what seems the most accurate.

This was kind of a stupid rant to get to my main reason for asking for help. But I know I'm ace, I'm just struggling on the aro part because I'm not sure if I'm greyromantic or cupioromantic (or just flat out aro).

I enjoy (sometimes) shipping characters but that's on two out of the many fandoms I'm in. When I think about doing things that are typically romantic, I feel awkward and unsure (maybe from the constant reminding of the 'not dating rule' from my parents). I see myself someone who is romance favourable but at the same time indifferent. Like I don't mind the idea of a romantic partner but I don't think I feel romantic attraction and if I do I often mix it up with platonic feelings.

I don't think it helps that I also have ADHD and sometimes hyper-fixate on people—

For now I just say I am AroAce and use the sunset flag (totally not because it reminds me of Van Gogh paintings...) but if I had a specific label to tell people that would make me so happy! Sorry if that was a lot to unpack...

hi! right now the label that comes to mind is quoiromantic, which is a term for someone who's on the aromantic spectrum but unsure where. if that makes sense. i've also heard the term oriented aroace which is for someone who feels different types of attraction that are significant enough to warrant another label besides aroace (i think that's the definition, not sure) if that's helpful

#anon #mail time

[arwenadreamer]

The way you wrote about wincest from an ace standpoint on that post was so eyeopening for me, not on a wincest level since I've been shipping them for over a decade, but as someone who has been unsure of where they fit in on their sexuality for a long time. How you described the sex scenes is how I very highly prefer sex scenes in fics 99% of the time. The connection, the closeness, the desperation over the sexual act itself has always been where I deeply enjoy what I'm reading. I've been toying with the idea that I may be some kind of ace, but reading your experience with wincest made me so much more sure of myself, and for that I thank you. It's nice to feel confident about something like that for the first time in a while

❤

I'm so happy my own experiments experience helped you understand a bit more about yourself. (That's why representation and anti stigmatisation matters - be it LGBTQIA+ themes or mental themes or health themes or whatever. Let's talk about these things.)

For me too it was the fandom and Supernatural that helped me realise I am aromantic and asexual. (sigh, my phone doesn't know that word and auto corrects aromantic to a romantic. Or aromatic. 😫😫😫 Talking about representation.)

When I first watched SPN in 2015 the show hit me like a freight train and I didn't understand why. I couldn't stop watching. Several rewatches of then 11 seasons. I became obsessed. And that worried me. I didn't understand myself. I remember visiting my best friend in Portugal (where she had moved for three years) and trying to talk to her about it. I tried to explain to her. She didn't really understand, just looked at me bewildered while I sat there, actually crying. I don't remember most of what I said. Just one sentence: "Maybe I love this show so much because for once it is not about romantic love. It's not about a romantic couple or people becoming one. It's just about two brothers."

I was in my thirties and had been single basically for all my life, except for a hand full of short relationships, the longest of which took 4 months, because every time I basically panicked and ended it. I struggled with that all my life. Finding love is THE GOAL in life, right? Society expects it. And if you're still living alone at 36, you're an old spinster. SO WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?

At that bench in Portugal, overlooking the ocean, I gave words to a thought I didn't even know I had for the first time. "Maybe I love SPN so much because it shows that not everything has to be about finding romantic love."

It actually took me a few years more to figure out that I'm aro and a bit longer still that I'm asexual as well. But that's only because I didn't even know such a thing "existed". I full on had never heard about aro/ace before. Never. But due to spn I created a tumblr account, to follow fandom stuff. I stumbled about a post mentioning aro. I was confused and Googled what that was. It was like a revelation. That was me! I can not tell you how freeing that felt. To finally understand why I couldn't/ didn't want to hold a romantic relationship. And that it is OK! That nothing is wrong with me. That's just the way I am. For the first time ever I felt truly happy and free. (Don't get me wrong. I'm generally a happy person and loved my life since forever. But there was always this feeling that I shouldn't be happy as long as I didn't have a partner. That I should strive for a relationship and that there had to be something wrong with me if I couldn't have one.) I started to embrace that new understanding of myself. I also started to talk openly about it. With friends, with family. Many don't understand, but that's not important. They will learn that they don't have to pity me for living alone. They will understand that I may be living alone but that I am not alone. I am happy.

And then, once I understood this about myself, I thought: okay, I don't want a partner, I don't need to have a partner to have sex occasionally. I communicated this to potential sex partners. "Sex is fine, nothing more though." And once I gave myself permission to just enjoy that, I realised that while I enjoy the physical closeness, the sexual act itself really doesn't do anything for me. I don't hate it either. But I find it rather boring. Next light bulb going on in my head. Oh, I'm asexual.

From there I understood why I found sex scenes in fics boring if they where not heavy on the emotional part.

This answer got a bit more elaborate than I thought it would. But I reiterate my point: let's talk about these things. I could have been this free and happy in understanding myself years ago if I only had heard about aro/ace being a thing earlier.

#arospec #asexual #aro/ace #my asks #supernatural #personal

[aroaceconfessions]

I am not sure where this belongs but I would like to share my story of discovering my gender and possibly my romantic orientation. If you believe this is not the place, that's totally fine. Feel free not to share it. This is quite a long story as well.

About a week before I discovered my gender identity, my girlfriend and I were out on a late walk and were having some deep conversations about our orientation. I am ace and I am certain of it she is uncertain of her orientation and asked me what I think hers was, I felt like I stepped in a landmine field, but nethertheless I answered truthfully to what I thought her orientation might be. I said that to me she gave a vibe of someone who might be on the aro spectrum. Her reaction to my response really confused me because she started crying and that made me panic at first but then she said, "So you think I am a loveless creature."

"..."

That made my panic turn to shock and indignation as I argued with her about how that's not what being aro means and how that's a very homophobic way of looking at our community.

After a few back and forth she calmed down a bit and appeared to have a bit more open view about what being aro meant. So jokingly and to lightening up the mood I said, "It's difficult trying to figure out the big 3. First it's sexuality and once you figure it out you think 'oh this is great this must be totally it'. Then romantic orientation decides to tackle you down and makes you question your sexuality once more. Once that's over and you think you have a grasp of both.  The final boss sneaks up on you,  gender. And depending on the outcome of the boss fight, it can fuck everything up. " After my ramble of trying to cheer her up I continued saying that I have figured out the first one (ace) still stuck on the second one (romantic orientation) with the final boss still looming in the distance, so it's fine if she doesn't know her orientation or doesn't want to label it. But before I could express that second part, her words really threw me for a loop. I don't remember the exact phrasing because my mind was too stunned in the moment but what she meant is that she thinks I am transgender full stop (if I was, that would be ftm because I am afab).

We left that evening on a strange note. But I gave her words genuine thought.  Could I be transgender? Sure, I can see how some people could come to that conclusion as I do tend to prefer a masculine appearance, prefer traditionally masculine terms. But at the same time the more I thought about it the more I realised that there are definitely aspects to me that people would associate with trans people before they figured out they were trans. However, that's not all I was, and I hated people's total disregard for my feminine side and even though it is not as prominent in some aspects of my choices and appearance, it is still there and it still affects my decisions on things, I just don't feel the same strong urge to show it like I do my masculine side because everyone already assumes that I am a woman so I do not need to be validated on that part of me as much. But the most important difference I think, is that I have never felt like I was trapped in the wrong body. Sure, I didn't think my body is an excellent representation of my gender identity but it was never wrong, just perhaps got a few things mixed up.

Anyway, that took longer then I thought when put into words.

After figuring out I am not trans, my girlfriend has on several occasions prior to this has also suggested that I am most likely trans but never outright said that I was until that day, and I myself before I even met her have considered the possibility that I might be. However, figuring out that I am not was a big relief for me personally because I have always felt unsure of my gender and identifying as trans didn't feel right but nothing else seemed to fit.

So after figuring out I am not trans, my mind moved on to what I could be. Non-binary? I thought about it for a bit but ultimately decided that no that does not fit with who I am.

Straight after I considered Agender but I did not fully understand it and I didn't particularity see myself in parts that I did understand. There were similarities but it wasn't who I was.

Then my mind jumped to genderfluid which I was very hesitant to consider.  That is because about 2 years ago I thought I was genderfluid and it fit me for a couple of months, it didn't feel quite right but was closer then any other label so I identified with it for a bit but only online, I was too scared to identify in real life without being 100 percent certain of who I was. Then about two months into the relationship with my current girlfriend I finally decide to attempt to come out. I have never straight up came out to anyone before, but I love this woman and she is also part of the LGBTQIA+ community, surely she would be understanding and be  supportive while i try to figure this thing out. Well. While we were talking I tried to casually bring it up in conversation. As soon as I suggested that I might be something other than a cis woman, she instantly rejected the idea and didn't wish to speak of it. It did really hurt at the time because after that interaction I stopped identifying as genderfluid. Now, just over a year later I can kinda see why she rejected my label at the time(it's a personal matter to her, so i will not share it) but it does also really make me fear about her reaction to what I have discovered about myself in the last week.

Anyway, now we are getting close to the finish line! So one evening a couple of days ago I was just chilling in bed and scrolling through TikTok(like you do), when I zoned out for a while thinking back to the day me and her had the conversation. I kinda came to terms that trying to find my identity within others was not the way to go, so I decided to do it the other way around. I tried to put into words and thoughts what I thought my gender was no matter how strange it sounded and then my mind came up with the idea that it sounded like I was bi but in a gender sort of way but it felt kinda fluid but not really cuz it didn't switch from one to the other they just both coexist together and at the same time. So, I thought, bigender? At the time I had no idea that was a real thing. So I Googled it, discovered that it existed, did some research listened and read people's experiences and explanations of what bigender is and I am happy to say that I have finally found who I am in regards to gender :D it was such an exhilarating feeling finally discovering who you are. Made me reminisce of the day I discovered I was ace back in 2015 c:

Romantic orientation is the last one left! I am now thinking with the benefit of hindsight that I might be aro and perhaps I was projecting that on my girlfriend when it is infact me who is aro? I don't know and that's okay. I will discover it when the time is right c: But it does concern me what her reaction will be to my gender identity and romantic orientation if I do turn to be aro.

My pronouns are She/He if anyone is curious c:

#trans #transgender #nonbinary #non binary #non-binary #nb #enby #asexual #ace #acespec #aspec #aro #aromantic #arospec #aroace #aroacespec #arose #dating #relationships #coming out #internalized arophobia #internalized aphobia #arophobia #aphobia #bigender #questioning

[aroace-thoughts]

(They/She)

Hello hello! I don't know where to go since finding out about this label &..... Questioning. Hard..... I am on the asexual spectrum & in a polyam relationship. But ever since finding this label (AroAce) & going through others experiences & even a thing with like, 41 questions to ask yourself?? I.... Check off a lot of the AroAce stuff & feel so sad. :( I told my NP partner that I might be & we both cried cuz we're both scared of what this means/could mean. I'm still trying to figure it out. I am scared as I don't want to feel alone or grow old alone. My NP is the only person I have thought about marrying & I love the idea of romance & romantic gestures! Yet I also see it as stuff you can do with a friend. Like picnics, poems, songs, cuddling etc. I haven't really ever had a crush, but more a confused set of feelings of wanting to be closer but without the romance. Yet I grew up in and out of relationships because I wanted to be close, they had a crush on me and everyone around me said that I must have a crush on them because I'm so "flirty". I never know when people are flirting with me & I don't flirt. I joke or give genuine compliments. I just don't understand & don't want to hurt my two girlfriends. :( I care for them & love them, but I am not sure if it was ever romantically or just a "Hey you're supposed to marry your best friend & do stuff with em forever". Am I making sense? I am so sorry. I keep crying about this. I don't want to hurt anyone but I also don't want to be alone. I also think I love my NP like the way people say they love their spouses but I don't know because it's just a really strong feeling of wanting my best friend around me forever. She means everything to me & I love having her in my life. I wanna have my hand held, I wanna be kissed on my hands and face. I wanna be cuddled but I also wanna have my own bedroom, yet share a house with someone. If it doesn't happen I'll be fine. I.... I don't know how to explain it all. I wanna experience romance but how does one do that when all they ever felt was confusion, longing & a strong (platonic?) feeling for certain friends? I'm sorry for rambling. Thank you for listening. If you have any questions I'll answer them under the same name

- Confused Bambi

Hello, Bambi!

Firstly, wow that is a lot to deal with, it must be very difficult to go through. Please don’t apologise for feeling the way you’re feeling. I’m offering you lots of hugs if you need them and am happy to be a listening ear.

Often, even just writing all these thoughts and fears and emotions out can be a huge help in clearing your head. Taking deep breaths, going on a calm walk, giving your feelings the space they need, having a conversation and getting things off your chest is often the first step in figuring out what you need and what you may need to change to be happy, so you’re doing a great job already.

My main thing I want to say to you is being aroace doesn’t have to be a bad or sad thing. If you don’t want to be alone, you don’t have to be alone. If you want your own bedroom and also want your NP to be in your life and hold her hand and live with her, that’s something you can do. You and your partners are the only ones who can decide how you want your relationship to look like. (Whether romantic, or platonic, or queerplatonic, or anything else.) That can sound very scary, especially if you’re confused and unsure, but can also be a great thing and give you freedom!

You and your girlfriends clearly care a lot about each other, and from what it sounds like you have a lot of trust and communication in your relationship where you feel safe and comfortable talking to your NP about this. That’s really good and really beautiful, and not something to take for granted.

Many aro and ace people are in happy relationships that look exactly like they and their partner(s) want them to look like. There are as many relationship types in this world as there are people in relationships, all are unique to the people in them.

Also, I hope you know you don’t always need a word or a label if it’s causing you stress or fear. A lot of these words can seem very big and final and overwhelming… The word “romance” for example doesn’t have to have a big meaning if that doesn’t serve you. Take lots of time, and continue communicating and listening, and you’ll be fine.

There are no rules in life except for your happiness and wellbeing.

#ask #anon #bambi anon 🦌

[your-gay-grandma]

Hi grandma ♡ first off, I just want to say thank you for being here. I don't really have either of my biological grandmothers anymore, and I never got to come out to either of them, so having you here is comforting, in a way. I hope you're having a lovely pride month.

Today I learned how to use a new feature on my drawing app! It makes taking the background out of pictures *much* easier, which means I can make even more edits and art easily!

I also finally remade an old pin. The first piece of pride merch I made myself (in secret) was a pin made out of hot glue and nail polish and it had the word "Ace" on a galaxy background. Today, now that I'm out and have learned new art mediums, I was able to remake it in uv resin, and it looks so pretty, and I love how the change from simple, easy to work with, quick-and-messy to more complex, detailed, and professional looking illustrates how I was in the closet compared to how I am now that I can be out.

It also feels kind of empowering, which is nice because lately with the news I've been feeling pretty anxious and unsure, because although I live in a pretty safe state, not everyone does, and I fear for the rest of our community and for the future of the US (and the world). So having something that represents being unapologetic is nice.

Lastly, it's officially six years since I got my asexual pride ring that I wear basically 24/7, and I feel really proud of who I've become and I'm really happy about who I've been able to meet because of being part of the queer community. I wish the ace and aro communities were more accepted and welcomed in online pride spaces, but the experiences I've had in real life have been nothing but wonderful.

Are you looking forward to anything this pride? Do you have any new projects you're working on? I'd love to hear about them! I hope you have a wonderful evening, and a wonderful pride month. Thank you, grandma ♡

oh my dearest, this is the sweetest message and i appreciate your kind words and hearing about your art and what is happening for you more than you could ever know.

i am so proud of you and who you are! you sound like a wonderful person and artist with much light to share with the world and our community! how lucky we are to have you.

in excellent and hopeful news, some harmful legislation has not been passed in the US which is a great relief for our community. i know things can be quite frightening at the moment but i’m trying to see the hope when it comes.

this pride, i am so fortunate to have a very very wonderful girlfriend! we had a delightful celebration picnic this week and are planning ways to celebrate our love and community. my library is hosting a local queer history exhibit i am very excited to investigate. i’ve many artistic projects on the go at the moment! i just finished up production week on a show i am currently working on which was thrilling and wonderful. i’ve recently got a rather large commission i’m very excited to get started on also. today though, i am enjoying the sun on the balcony with tea and an excellent book.

my exceptional friend, i am wishing you the happiest and safest of pride months! thank you for your joyous update and please do keep me in the loop! sending you all my love 💛

#ask #anongaymous

[aro-and-tired]

Wow I sure vanished from this blog for a while didn’t I

Anyways I come back today with a thought about how... pointless it can be to try and clearly define the difference between some terms. In particular, how the eternal question of “just what is romantic attraction exactly” that every aro has asked at least once is unanswerable simply because it’s so subjective.

There more things out there with confusing limits and definitions than there are things with clear cut descriptions. Just think about a color gradient. If the gradient goes from red to green, how do you decide where the line is between red and green? People’s subjective ideas change, and then there are also objective differences in how different people perceive colors, or how the colors may show up on different screens.

Just as the confusions exist between something external like colors or other concepts and objects, it exists for human feelings and emotions. In fact, it’s reasonable to expect that nothing in the world is as confusing as what goes on inside people’s heads.

So... how can you give a single, universal definition for romantic attraction? Describing feelings is inherently complicated to begin with. There are allo people for whom romantic and sexual attraction are intertwined and hard to separate, and then there are allo people for whom the two things are easy to consider independently. I’ve seen people define romantic attraction as wanting to do “romantic things” with a specific person, but what those romantic things are is fundamentally subjective. There are also people who are fundamentally unromantic and don’t like nor want very romantic gestures, but nonetheless feel romantic love for others. Some people see kissing others as romantic, some see it as sexual, some see it as both, some don’t inherently see it as either. And then we have cultural differences between what is or isn’t romantic, people in different parts of the world have different ideas about romantic love, and that of course will influence how they feel.

Now, I understand why people want to know how to recognize romantic attraction, especially people who question being aromantic. It’s a very legitimate question. I myself would very much like to figure it out one day or the other.

But I also think that sometimes, one should just go with whatever feels most attractive (ha) to them. You are unsure whether or not you feel romantic attraction or not, but you relate to some experiences of aromanticism and think you would find home in the community? Do identify as aro then. Or as arospec, identities like quoiromantic exist just for people with that confusion. Worst thing that can happen, you’re going to change your label somewhere down the line, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

#aromantic

[positivelgbtqvibes]

Despite aro-posting for the past few days, I feel pretty disconnected from the aro community, and that's not anyone's fault.

I realised I was aromantic last year at my first Pride, and I felt so happy cos I finally accepted a part of me I had been unsure about for a long time.

But my experiences as an aromantic person aren't the same as from what I hear from other aros.

I hear that they hated shipping within fandoms and never understood the point of them, especially for characters who aren't implied to be anything more than just friends, whilst I have enjoyed shipping for as long as I can remember and its never bothered me, and it still doesn't bother me! (Unless the character is canonically romance repulsed).

But that also reminds me... im not exactly romance repulsed myself, and I don't think I ever was growing up, like i've been in a few relationships before now, sometimes when people said they liked me I wouldn't reciprocate, and even one of my closest friends from high school told me he used to have a crush on me after we started speaking again, he doesn't anymore but even so, despite how close we were I never once felt like I had feelings for him, despite everyone saying we'd make a good couple, I just didn't want that at all.

I'm in a relationship now, it started out under the idea that we we're romantically attracted to each other, but I came out as aromantic, no issues have really came from it, from how I see it, I don't see why I would break it off with someone I still deeply care about and have formed a bond with. I love my boyfriend alterously, and I think i've always loved people alterously. I think if I wasn't in a relationship right now, i'd be okay with it, a part of me wonders what that would be like, but like I said, its not really worth breaking up with someone over, atleast for me anyway.

I wonder if im really aromantic if I don't mind being in a romantically perceived relationship? I am definitely romance indifferent, not romance favourable or romance repulsed, but it seems the aro community is either all about being romance repulsed or all about being romance favourable, it makes it hard to feel included.

Not to also mention I am aplatonic and cupioqueerplatonic, attraction wise I'm exclusively alloalterous, demisensual and alloamical.

#lgbtq #lgbtqia #aromantic #aroace #aplatonic #aspec #oriented aroace #romance indifferent

[metalmaul]

I'm late to transgender awareness week and to TDOV, but life has been difficult for me recently. It is through that difficulty that I want to post this, however, so please excuse my lateness.

Jujube, my cat of almost 9 years, has been missing for 2 months. I still have hope I might see him again one day, but after searching without result, winter weather upon us, wild animals, cars, and a medical condition he has, I'm not so sure I will be seeing him again. It breaks my heart; he is my best friend... But that isn't really the point of this post.

I want to tell you something about my years with Jujube. I got him when I was about 19 years old, and I am now 28. In those earlier years, I was really rapid-cycling through my identity. I wasn't sure who I was, as many of us aren't. I tried on many different labels, some of which I don't even remember. He was with me through every step of me figuring out who I am— a lesbian, agender lesbian, genderfluid, struggles with bisexuality, realizing I'm a transgender man who is bisexual, struggles with asexuality, feeling i'm totally grey-aro asexual, realizing I'm not only a transgender man, but a whole cacophony of nonbinary genders that are complex and difficult to describe as well making me multi-gendered, and that I do have romantic attraction; that I can be bisexual and grey-asexual, and that's all fine. He was with me when I came out to my family as transgender, he was with me in the years after when my identity started to settle, even if I am still always learning things about myself and likely always will. New discoveries of nonbinary feelings, sexual attraction feelings that seem to come and go unexpectedly, I expect them in the future. But mostly, I know who I am, and I like who I am, and I like that I know who I am.

Through all of this; the confusion, the hardships, the constant misgendering, those slow to adapt to my identity, and the constant worry of being LGBT in this world.

Through all of it, he was simply happy to be my friend. He wanted to be around me. He wanted me to talk to him, and snuggle him, and love him. As a cat, he couldn't give less of a fuck about the human concepts of gender and sexuality. He didn't care about me shaving my head because it made me feel more masculine, or the clothing I wore, or the name I changed to. All he cared about was my, and anyone else who shared time with him's, kindness. He was my truest friend I could rely on through everything, because to him, I was merely a friend. A human being who looked after him. I can't ever thank him enough for that.

Jujube may be with us in this world still; I may get to snuggle him once again, just like always.

Jujube may also be in a world beyond us, where I cannot reach.

In either case, he is always with me, and I am always with him, through love. Forever.

We see so much terrible news about the people like us, because our lives are put in such terrible danger in a society consumed by hatred. Whether it be other people hurting us, or our dear departed who could not handle the stresses of it any longer. We grieve our siblings, our friends, our heroes, our community, our kids, our family. It makes it much harder for us to continue on in this world, but we must remember them, grieve them, celebrate them. We must seek justice for them, seek justice for all of us. We are human beings.

And we must remember that they are with us, and we are with them, through love. Forever.

I share Jujube with you during these times, and any times you're finding it difficult in this world, and within yourself.

I share Jujube with you when you are unsure, when you are finding your identity, and finding your happiness, even if you're not sure how or when you will find it.

Through all transitional periods, through all heartbreak, through all confusion, through all grief, through all stress, through all joy, through all of life.

If ever you need someone, someone who cares purely about your heart, your love, and your kindness— which is not to say that rage, and despair, and frustration are not important feelings for those in our respective situations, particularly those who face intersectional violence, and that to other humans who have nothing but vitriol for and dismissal of you, you must always be kind— but the kindness within yourself. The kindness you would show to an animal who merely sees you as a human being. An animal who overcomes the fear of befriending a giant allowing you to pet them. An animal who is willing to fall asleep beside you, even in your arms, purring away.

If you ever need that kind of friend, know that Jujube is always with you, too. And you are with him. Through love. Forever.

He is your friend, always. He supports you, always.

*As an additional note, I know many terrible people have had pets that they loved, and their pets love them. I also know that animals can be trained to inflict violence (such as police dogs,) and that the hatred and discrimination of pets' owners can rub off on them. Those are things to absolutely be aware of, and are very dangerous.

But I do want to share this post of my Jujube, my story with him, because it helps my grief to pass on his friendship to others. If you need someone who loves you, always, Jujube loves you, always.

#personal #but rebloggable #jujube #trans awareness week #transgender awareness week #transgender #idk how to tag things really #lgbt #lgbtq