#any time I make friends with someone I'm like “okay what's their emotional damage” because I just do not click with neurotypical people | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

neverendingford · 6 months

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#met someone who communicates on the same autism level that I do. or at least very similarly. and I'm like.. not to love-bomb but aughshgfff #tag talk #I bring up topics and talk about them in a bit more of a meta-context and that often loses people but she picks right up with it #also. I end up talking *at people a lot and even the ones who are cool with it just listen they don't contribute and talk as well #so meeting someone who is willing to jump onto the last part of my sentence and respond with her own text wall is really really nice.#I've said before that autism is funny because I usually either hate other autistic people or love them. so I got the good ending #(hate in the “you function so oppositely from how I do that we are fundamentally incompatible akin to matter and anti-matter)#any time I make friends with someone I'm like “okay what's their emotional damage” because I just do not click with neurotypical people #like. not in a “I'm so quirky” way but just. idk. I get bored and move on. I feel out of place with them. I don't fit. I don't match.#whereas the nd vibes click with shared experience and similar wavelength.#anyway. it's cool. I'm happy.#also the logistics of friendship are interesting. people often want to make friends without having the time to spend with friends #they'll say they want to hang out and then only have one available time per week.#babygirl I'm not a funko pop to put on your shelf and appreciate on your own time. you gotta be a little more open

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andguesswhat · 8 months

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I normally don’t do this but here is the thing: Yes, of course it's his decision and yes, of course he's not forced to sign contracts, yadayadayada, but I still feel sorry for him, because to me it looks like he thinks he has to do that and unfortunately doesn't see any other option. And I think the main reason is that he lives in this bubble and is friends with a gay Hollywood star, whose advice he listens to, like you know how you shouldn't play superheroes and stuff.

Yes, I’m talking about fucking Leo! He may be a nice guy, but come on, he has the creepiest image you can have, he doesn't seem to care, and he doesn’t stop doing that shit. He could risk it, he’s famous enough, and still, he somehow doesn’t.

So what if everyone in your bubble tells you to do it and that it's okay, that it's no big deal, that you let them talk, etc? Kind of works for Leo, doesn’t it? (well….)

You can be intelligent as fuck and not see it. Or maybe even see it and still act differently because all the people around you are driving you to.

And not every action can be rationally justified. Especially not with such an emotional peach.

Because there is definitely an emotional decision behind it, whatever it is.

It's the hope of being as famous and successful and becoming an acting legend.

It’s the fear of not playing along with the studios and screwing things up.

And maybe it's even shame because you're not who the studio bosses would like you to be.

The shame of having dated a married family man who has had to endure kink shaming, whose kink you most likely share, who has fallen from grace.

It can be so many things and everything, in the end it's all human emotions that make you do something like that.

You can be damn intelligent and still do wrong things.

You may know the damage you are doing, even to yourself, and still think you have no choice.

You do things that you know are not good for your health.

He is intelligent, but that doesn't mean he is in all situations in his life. It doesn't mean he knows what's good for him personally. He can’t even know what's good for his career. There are too many uncertainties and necessary coincidences at play for that. Only time will tell. It’s a game you can either win or lose.

The crux is that he started way too early with this shit, so soon, if he's not careful, he'll be known as a celebrity that can act. Because unfortunately I see that the same way as others: Paul Mescal and co. will be taken as good actors. He will be the actor who dated Kylie.

And it will dull him. Maybe he'll get his act together, but if he continues he'll keep losing his pureness. Because who knows: is he as tough as Leo or is he just hoping to be?

So there of course is always another choice but if you don't see it, what can you do? If you see it but nobody encourages you to take it, what can you do?

And even if ... As much as I would love to see him as a lower profile actor in small movies and on stage ... when I think about when I saw him happiest in the last year, the pictures from the shoot in New York come to my mind. Yes, from my point of view, a wrong choice, a stupid commercial shoot, driving him away to become an acclaimed actor, but look at him, he was so happy and proud to work with Scorsese.

And when I think back to the other happy moments that happened a year ago. He was so happy and proud to promote Bones & All, a movie he co-produced, and at the same time he was able to express himself with his stunning outfits and show the world who he really is, without having to define his sexuality.

Why would he want to give that up? Can’t you imagine how hard this is to give up? When nobody can tell you what happens when you leave the path?

So, in the end, he has all my sympathy even when I don’t think his decisions are good or wise, I’m still rooting for him that he achieves everything he wants to achieve and i'm hoping that at the end of the day he rests beside someone he loves deeply and very stubbornly.

#hope this makes sense somehow

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cowboyjen68 · 6 months

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Hi Jen! Coming to you from the closet for an emotional rant. Recently, I started dating this woman.I'm young, 19, I'm still at home with my very conservative and unsupportive family. I know that if I come out, my whole world shifts and the negative consequences could literally put me at risk. When this woman and I first started seeing each other, I was honest about my situation and told her it wasn't safe for me to. She told me she understood and that it wasn't a deal breaker.

Now she's doesn't seem very okay with the situation. It's been about a month. I'm out to basically everyone else, friends, other family like siblings, coworkers ect, and they know about her, but I don't want my parents to know about her, period, because I'm too afraid to put us at risk. I don't feel like I don't want to break up, I seriously like this woman. She's becoming very passive aggressive about it and less understanding the more time seems to pass. Im nervous, because I don't want this to lead to a break up, but there's nothing else I can do right now. I know if it's meant to be then it'll work out, but being closeted like this makes me feel so isolated and undeserving. I just don't know how to handle it.

I realize this might be too late and I hope you made the decision to stay safe within your home and she either came around to understand or you are not together any longer.

I get where she might come from. It is a place of either life long security and support OR one where she came out and experienced a bad situation or series of events at the hands of friends and family. Her thought process might be "if I can survive it you can" (and must) too. She might believe that since her parents were fine yours will likely come around.

Being an out and happy lesbian can lead us to feel like others can be just like us if they just take a risk. It is like when we experience joy in something, want others to have that and are clouded my our comfort into thinking it works the same for everyone in every circumstance of life. We all know this is not true.

She might feel that if you really loved her you would gladly proclaim that love even to those who will react negatively.

You do not owe your safety to her. Your home, financial security, physical safety and emotional comfort IS important. Telling people who can damage any of these things is an act in futility and unnecessary. No one needs to know you are a lesbian unless you wish to share that information. If she cannot understand your well being comes first she is not a woman you want to stay with. She is willing to risk your stability for public affirmation or proof of love which means she likes the "idea" of love but does not understand what loving someone actually means.

If she is willing to listen and stand by your decision then you can work on her thoughts and such. If she continues to push and prod then please move on. You deserve to be safe.

#lesbian #lesbians #dating #love #coming out

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xecutivecucumber · 1 month

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Executive Cucumber's thoughts on the Bad Batch episode 3×08 (spoilers after the cut)

Forgive me if these thoughts are less coherent than usually, I'm pretty freaking tired atm. Thoughts are as much in order as I can manage.

Firstly, this episode was a much needed, lower emotionally charged break from the last...seven episodes of the season. The thing about stories is that they can't be running at warp 9 the entire time. It will burn your audience out. Heck, I'm at a lower energy, transitiatory part of my long fic. So yeah, this episode didn't cause the emotional damage and stress that the last 7 did, but that's a good thing.

Omega has the neurodivergent ✨️leg jiggle✨️

Poor dear needs a hug and for someone to free the Tantiss clones.

PHEE MY QUEEN

Crosshair's face when Omega says 'liberator of ancient wonders' I love him.

Okay, I know that a lot of people are upset about Phee not being more emotional about Tech. I've got a few thoughts on that. My expectations going into the scene with her was that she wasn't going to be mentioning Tech. So when she did, I was really happy. She doesn't need to bring him up in the conversation, but she does.

So let's dive a little deeper into this. There are only two people who have brought up Tech without any prompting so far: Echo and Phee. Omega only mentions him when it's a direct answer to Crosshair's question. Hunter, Crosshair, and Wrecker have not mentioned him once by name. Now, I think this is because Echo and Phee have both known loss and know better how to handle it. The rest of the Batch hasn't, before Tech. We have watched practically all of Echo's loss, but not Phee's. However, we know that Pabu is a place for refugees, which Phee likely is. She's lost at least a home, if not family and friends. Add on top of that Phee is just in general a world wide person, and I think we can assume that she's someone who's got a more healthy way of processing grief than our emotionally stunted soldiers.

Something that you do with people that you've loved and lost is remember them. That's what I see Phee doing here. She's managed to process her grief in the last 4 months, and she's keeping the memory of someone she cared about alive by mentioning him in conversation.

So yeah. I liked that scene and it warmed my Tech/Phee loving heart.

Anyways,

Oooooh Fennec!!!

I love Crosshair not knowing anything but it also makes me sad.

Hunter: try to get Crosshair to get his hand looked at

Omega: what do you mean 'try'

Thoughts on Crosshair and Omega scenes:

What did my poor boy go through????

Poor man is probably resisting the idea that it's in his head because he already HAD a thing in his head that ruined his life

Omega: you don't like anything

Crosshair: true

Your honor I would die for them. Also I find his 'true' to be a little sad (and adorable)

OMG THEY'RE MEDITATING (and they have somehow stolen YET ANOTHER thing from my fic, this time before I've even gotten past the concept stage)

Omega: you missed a lot

Crosshair: I know

He's thinking of Tech in that moment.

Oh my gosh her hand on his and how he lets her move his hand THEY ARE TRYING TO KILL ME.

The Bad Batch says take care of your mental

Thoughts about Space Everglades:

I really loved Wrecker this episode. He really got to shine. He has the most banter with Fennec, he gets to do his demo thing, he freaking curb stomps space alligators, and he's the MVP in getting the bug man. It was really nice. Also, 'YOU HEARD ME!!!!' Let Wrecker go feral.

Bro, I really liked the bar music. I like seeing more of the music that plays in universe.

Wrecker and Hunter are definitely having flashbacks to Cid this entire episode. Except Fennec gives them more intel.

Fennec is a delight as always.

My prediction to who she's selling them out to? Ventress. And I don't think Ventress' intentions are bad.

So yeah, a solid episode! I'm honestly probably going to leave a lot of the star wars subreddits just to avoid everyone and their dog complaining about filler. Which this was NOT.

And as the next episode is called the Harbinger, I feel like this might be one of our last breaths before the plunge and everything goes sideways.

Oh, and in case you forgot. Tech lives ❤️

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furiousgoldfish · 1 year

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Hi, just a little reminder to everyone who has attempted to message me or talk to me, and didn't get a reply or didn't get a reply they wanted.

I often have people messaging me expecting instant friendship and emotional support and talking to me as if we already knew each other. I don't think this is done with ill intent, but I do want to gently remind everyone that we are complete strangers when interacting online, and that I cannot grant anyone instant friendship; to me you are a person I don't know. I will talk to you as a stranger would. Even if you've been reading my words and taking solace and imagining a friend telling them to you, to me you are someone I've never met or known, and I cannot function as an emotional support on a personal level to strangers. It ultimately is not helpful for you to convince yourself that a stranger on the internet is your personal friend, or to push that stranger into trying to act the part; I am unable to fulfill this role. I am not emotionally well myself, and I do not have a support system, so being put in a situation where I'm expected to be one for a stranger feels unhealthy.

Another thing I'd love for everyone to remember is, that I don't have all of the answers. I love to help where I can, but ultimately I am a person in a lot of distress, trying to deal with multiple disorders without any access to therapy or even friends who understand what I'm going thru. I am isolated and posting on this blog is often all I have. If I knew how to get rid of trauma, how to deal with disorders, how to not be sick or in pain, how to evade abuse or how to feel okay, I would use this advice to fix my own life. But I am sadly, lost like the rest of us.

There are times where I am in too much distress to talk to anyone, if you sent me a message and it went unanswered, it is very likely that I was in a state so bad I could not communicate. I will usually recover from it within several weeks, but by that time I feel bad even reminding someone they've sent me a message, it feels asinine to try and reply so late. And it reminds me of the period where I felt bad looking at the message, unable to respond. I'm not ignoring messages on purpose. If you try again some time later, you're likely to get a reply, if I'm in a good state of mind.

However, if you send me a big number of messages at once, start talking about your issues without asking if it's okay first, send several messages without a reply and then keep sending them and demanding a reply, put pressure on me to communicate with you, try to guilt me into giving you an answer you want, or assuming I'm maliciously ignoring you, you've made me uncomfortable and I have to listen to my instincts and stop talking to you.

I am sensitive to anger, aggression, ranting, swearing, slur-use, and doing that in a conversation with me it will make me feel threatened. Because we're strangers, and any stranger acting like I'm an acceptable target to take their anger at is dangerous. We are not friends, and dealing with angry strangers is terrifying. In that situation I have to do what I would advise anyone else to do - leave the conversation.

The last issue is with people attempting to trigger me on purpose, pretending they need help then defending abusers, trying to convince me that all of my resources are harmful and doing nothing but damage, or trying to get me to delete my content, change my posts, advocating for abusers, siding with my abusers, telling me I'm a monster, insisting they're victimized by me unless I personally disprove my smear campaign to them, and generally trying to get me to lash out in order to post it online to claim I should be cancelled. That is the worst thing you could be doing to a traumatized abuse victim. I am a person, of course I sometimes say something wrong and not well thought and put out. That doesn't mean anything I ever do to help others is worthless and should be erased. And you will not convince me that my blog is useless or harmful. It helps me. And I am someone too.

#furiousgoldfish #why messaging me will sometimes have bad results #parasocial relationships #communicating with strangers forgetting they're strangers #i am scared of strangers online it is scary to be interacting with others #especially when trying to help you end up getting hurt and you just don't understand why it got so bad #that happens so often #and i have to be wary and have boundaries #and escape whenever i feel uncomfortable #even if it means someone will feel slightly bad #i don't have to bend my life so nobody ever feels slightly bad because of me #i need to feel safe #and i generally feel bad because of people who don't care how they're making me feel #because i only exist to get their needs met in their head #but i exist for me

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mrhowells · 1 year

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Smallville 4x16

*this episode put me through it, also the character building for Lois is perfection (also, if you see any typos just close your eyes, it was late and I was emotional)*

Clark looks so suspicious😭😭 Jonathan too, the way he's eyeing that food lmaooooo

Please😭

"I'm willing to sleep in the barn." "No that's okay, Lois can sleep in the barn." LOL Clark

sass levels through the roof today for him

Look at how proud Lois is listing all of Lucy's achievements😭 She's the best wtf I love her

"Wow, that's impressive. What happened to Lois?"

He has the time of his life dragging her PLS

"You're gonna find that Clark's charm is an acquired taste, much like his sense of fashion." he had that coming

Lois said TRY ME BISH

pls even Lucy is noticing the tension😭

she wasn't playing with that shoulder punch💀

Yeah, Jason is not letting those stones go💀

I really feel for Lana, I feel like she just lives in constant fear bc there's always some weird shit happening around her

Lucy flirting with Clark, just pls no💀

"Lois I don't want you to get the wrong idea, but ever since Lucy came to town you've been grumpier than normal."

I love this whole conversation between them🥹

Also Clark making it so obvious he's an only child from a loving family, bless him

"You might be a little rough around the edges but as far as sisters go, Lucy could do a lot worse." EXACTLY

anyone who has Lois in their life won the lottery, not even an exaggeration she's the absolute best🤷🏻‍♀️

"I guess there was just a part of me that was always jealous she got out and I didn't."

LOIS BBY LET ME HUG YOU LET ME LOVE YOU

the way she's like 'oh fuck I was vulnerable, gotta blast🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️', same Lois, same

Clark looks so worried too😭

this is so wholesome🥹

I think those electric shocks left him with some permanent damage because Jason seems obsessed now👀

Okay let me rephrase, he doesn't just seem obsessed, he's completely unhinged. They fried his brain🤡

Clark is in disappointed dad mode again, he's so natural at it too😭

"You're not mom alright, so stop trying to be." That hurt me personally, goddamn

LMAOOOOO

also, is this the first episode where we see Lex and Lois in the same frame?👀

Lucy you snake

LOIS DON'T YOU EVER SAY OR THINK THAT

To everyone who contributed to her feeling this way, I just want to have a talk

This is breaking my heart, the world doesn't deserve her😭😭

Their dad really failed at parenting HARD

no because this hurts fr, I want to hug her so bad

she deserves to know that she's wanted and loved, SOMEBODY TELL HER

I can't get over the fact that she thinks that her life is less important than that of her sister

Clark defending Lois is something that can be so personal😭 (She deserves a good support system and friends who have her back idc)

I'm getting very emotional about this excuse me

You know I love a character when I need everyone else to love them too. Like I need every other character on this show to appreciate how amazing Lois is.

"I'm a product of my father's breeding. He needed an heir. But your parents chose you out of love."

No because that's so important and I think it explains why both Lex and Lois are so (for the lack of a better word) fascinated with the Kents.

(ok I paused the episode and wrote like 4 paragraphs of character analysis prompted by that quote but idk what to do with them and if they make any sense, maybe I'll make a separate post🤡)

I need you guys to understand how much it means to me that he really cares about Lois😭

Not even in any sort of romantic context, just that someone genuinely cares if she's okay or not because she's obviously never really had someone take care of her😭😭😭

I mean listen, good for Lionel that he's not an absolute monster anymore but he really needs to stay out of Lex's business💀💀

WAIT A MINUTE HOLD ON.

HOLD ONNNNNN

Did Lana vandalize her own apartment? Or did she just hide the stone and whoever searched for it didn't find it? In any case she's learning how to play the game, good for her😌😌

Okay, first of all: More reasons to love Lois, she's self-aware and she can admit when she's wrong about something. Seriously I love her.

Second: Again, they way she's ready to be kicked out of the farm for something that wasn't even her fault??? MR. SAM LANE, SAMMY, GENERAL LANE, I'D LIKE TO HAVE SOME WORDS WITH YOU. Seriously though, this speaks volumes about how she grew up and it breaks my heart.

Third: The way she tries to be so casual and 'Lois' when she says it, I have very similar defense mechanisms and again, it hurts my heart.

"Yeah... actually I came here to tell you we have food in the oven if you're hungry."

Lois learning what unconditional love looks like through the Kent family is the only thing that matters to me, actually

"You know, all these years I thought I had my sister pegged but... in reality? She's a complete stranger to me." "Even if that were true, I think that if she called you tomorrow you'd be there in a second to help her."

I CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW, HE DOES KNOW HER😭

SHE KNOWS HIM TOO😭😭

"I guess that explains why we're friends." "Oh, we're friends now?" "Well, I mean, I won't tell anyone if you don't."

Yes you are and I'm so glad bc you're the most amazing people to ever exist😭

Clark deserves someone like Lois in his life and Lois deserves someone like Clark in her life, yes I'm on the verge of tears AND WHAT ABOUT IT

CHEMISTRYYYYY

shoulder punch my beloved🥹

CHEMISTRYYYYYY

do you think these people knew they just created perfection?😭

🎶now it all begins🎶

written in the stars and all that, I love my OTP

More importantly though, I love Lois Lane she's everything and she deserves all the love in the world.

#ellie's smallville thoughts #smallville #4x16 #lois lane #clark kent #clois #lex luthor #lana lang #lucy lane

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rahleeyah · 1 year

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Okay, maybe I am dumb or something but did Liv downplay her injury in the urgent care scene for the sake of Elliot's feelings? I'm asking because I saw a tweet that suggested that. Basically, once again a woman puts her feelings aside for the sake of a man's feelings according to this person.

I see it more as her being an empath and always feeling others pain more than others. Basically, El's pain is her pain.

I never would have thought of that, and considering the evidence of the scene itself I don't think that's what happened, but I do think that some people want to believe that Liv is a victim, particularly where Elliot is concerned, so badly that they will view of all her interactions thru that lens.

Liv's injury actually isn't that bad. Like when you hear someone got shot you think bullet thru flesh and tearing up their insides and damaging bones and ligaments and organs and while Liv was very much hurt, that is not what happened to her. The pellets weren't embedded that deep, she didn't need to be sedated for their removal, it was not surgery in the traditional sense. There likely will not be any permanent muscle damage; there will be no PT. she has to take it easy for two weeks while it heals. She's in some pain, but she has certainly had worse.

She doesn't downplay her feelings for the sake of Elliot's emotions; Elliot enters the room smiling and asks how she's feeling. He doesn't rush in all concerned in the midst of PTSD episode; he is smiling, and asking about her. And Liv never, ever, ever says to anyone that she's hurt. She simply won't do it. It's not about protecting Elliot; this is a function of who Liv is as a person and the theory that she does that in an attempt to put other people's feelings above her own ignores why that's a part of Liv's character. She doesn't do it bc she's so selfless; she does it bc she doesn't want to be seen as weak, bc she doesn't let people in, bc it's a habit. Her making the choice not to say "it stings like a son of a bitch" isn't her putting Elliot first; it's what she always does.

But she does tell him it hurts. In her own way, in that tough, cop-machismo way that is the only way she and the people like her will express pain and is a way that Elliot knows how to interpret, she tells him she's hurt, and asks for help, which he willingly offers. When she tells him she won't be sitting for a while he knows that means it hurts. He understands what she's saying. His emotions do not enter the conversation until they're standing, you can see her face change when she recognizes he's feeling big feelings. She didn't think he was before - you know, before, when she had an opportunity to say "it hurts" and chose not to - and it's only once they're standing that she asks what's wrong.

And it would take a particularly heartless, narcissistic person to look at their best friend, whose wife was blown up right in front of him, who has just had to deal with his best friend being shot right in front of him, and not ask if he's ok and not acknowledge his feelings. Is he not also allowed to feel things? Is only one of them allowed to need comfort at a time? Her ass stings but she feels emotionally steady; he is physically unhurt but has just experienced a significantly triggering emotional event. Do they not comfort each other in the ways they each need in that moment, him by physically supporting her and her by emotionally supporting him?

And it's worth noting, too, that Olivia herself draws the connection to Kathy out loud; Olivia acknowledges out loud that losing her would be akin to losing his wife, as @thisismehappy has pointed out. That's huge!!! That's Olivia recognizing how much he values her!!

Anyway. It's been said before. We are all watching different shows.

#anonymous #e.o asks #s.vu

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liviavanrouge · 10 days

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Grandmother

Livia: *Huffs then walks away* Whatever...

Kalim: LIV!!! WATCH OUT!!

Jamil: KALIM NO!!!!

Kalim: *Shoves Livia out of the way, venom hitting his leg*

Azul: *Rushes over as Kalim screamed* KALIM!!

Livia: *Hurries over, her eyes wide as Azul and Jamil inspected the venom eating away at the spot it landed on*

Livia: *Whips around to the watching crowd* SOMEONE HELP HIM!!

Azul: *Yells in alarm when his healing magic backfired* Ouch...

Handy: Healing magic won't work, neither will potions, fae jaguar venom is complex and it has it's own magic...

Livia: *Looks around desperately* THEN SOMEBODY CURE HIM! PLEASE!! ANYBODY!!!

Lenia: We don't share our cure with outsiders, your friend had his leg hit so, he will survive but he'll be unable to walk again

Livia: So, you're just gonna leave him in pain....

Lenia: We're sor-

Livia: I HATE BEING ONE OF YOU GUYS!!!!

Lenia: *Steps back as gasps of alarm and offense ran through the crowd*

Livia: I HATE BEING A FAE JAGUAR!!! I WAS HATED FOR FOUR YEARS OF MY LIFE BECAUSE OF YOU ALL AND YOUR CHOICES!!

Livia: EVEN WITH THE LAW GONE, EVEN WITH ME BEING A PRIME EXAMPLE OF WHAT YOU ALL COULD BE, I'M STILL HATED!! I'M HATED FOR THE CHOICES YOU GUYS MAKE AND NOT FOR ANY I MAKE!!

Honey: *Stares with wide eyes, stepping from the crowd*

Livia: YOU'RE WILLING TO LET SOMEONE GO THROUGH PAIN RATHER THAN HELP THEM!!

Livia: WELL I'M NOT LIKE THAT!! I'M NOT LIKE YOU ALL!!!!

Lenia: You'd need a relative, that's all I can say but we don't know who's related to you here

Livia: *Looks around, tears falling down her cheeks* THEN TRY EVERYONE!! ANYBODY TRY!!

Lenia: It might worsen the effects if it's the wrong person-

Livia: YOU TRY THEN! TRY IT WITH ME!! PLEASE!!!!

Lenia: *Shakes her head* I'm sorry...

Livia: *Stares with wide eyes, squashing down the emotions showing in her hair*

Kalim: Liv...

Livia: *Turns away and lays beside Kalim, her chin resting on his shoulder* You're gonna be okay...

Kalim: This isn't so bad, I'd take a venom wound again and again for you guys...

Azul: *Smiles slightly* We know, idiot

Jamil: Thanks...but please don't take one for me

Kalim: *Laughs quietly, his chin resting on Azul's arm*

Honey: Child, who's your mother!?

Livia: Huh...

Honey: You look like my daughter

Livia: My mother is Thea...

Honey: *Stares in shock as the crowd murmured* Pink hair?!

Livia: *Nods* Yes

Honey: Who is your father!??

Livia: Lilia Vanrouge..why?

Honey: *Stumbles back surprised* THEY GOT MARRIED

Livia: Yes, why-

Honey: *Pulls Livia over with her wing to Kalim's leg* Shoot your venom with me at the same time!

Livia: WHAT!??

Honey: Trust me!! NOW!!!

Livia and Honey: *Unhinges their jaws, firing venom at Kalim's leg, the venom turning white when they mixed*

Kalim: *Looks at his leg, his eyes widening when the effects reversed*

Jamil: How? *Runs a finger over Kalim's now unharmed skin* What....

Kalim: *Grabs Azul's offered hand, testing his leg* It doesn't hurt! I can walk!!

Livia: How?

Honey: Shooting venom at the same time of a relative distant or close can heal a venom wound, no matter how big

Honey: Like Handy says, the venom had magic that protects it as it harms the victim but relatives venom mixing reverses the damage it'll deal and instead it heals

Livia: Thank the sevens...

Livia: *Looks at Honey* Who are you supposed to be then?

Honey: Your grandmother

Livia: *Perks up surprised* Oh!

Honey: You were raised right, Livia, never before have I seen a fae jaguar show so much emotion and care

Livia: *Smiles slightly, Honey patting her head*

Honey: Your parents did right on you, little one

Livia: Thanks...

Honey: *Places a hand on Livia's shoulder then points to her friends*

Azul: *Smiles, walking over, helping Kalim walk*

Honey: It'll take half an hour for him to fully heal, just rest

Livia: Kalim, don't ever do that again!

Kalim: *Laughs* I probably will, after all you guys are my friends!

Azul: So you trust us?

Kalim: *Throws him a bright grin* Don't I eat the food you guys offer me?

Livia and Azul: *Laughs, smiling at him*

Jamil: *Sighs and smiles, chuckling*

Honey: *Watches them smiling, fluttering her wings* You raised her right, Thea....

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thegodthief · 29 days

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The client I have a crush on at work, to whom I have never been inappropriate nor granted exceptions, with whom I have always strived to keep a professional relationship with even though they have called me out as queer and propositioned me in what was one of the most intense conversations in my life...

The person that made my ice-bound heart weep from intensity...

Was overheard by someone who realized the importance of what they heard and immediately came to me to tell me what was said.

"I can get anything I want from [Keri's Department]. I have her all but in my pocket, so let me know what you want and I'll make it happen. Don't worry about the rules. I can get around the rules. She'll bend for me, I know it."

The person who relayed this to me apologized for flat-out snitching, but they know how fiercely I defend my team and how vocal I am about my department being neutral towards the clients because even the appearance of impropriety is enough to start too much sticky shit. They said that normally such talk wouldn't mean anything because I am well known for keeping an emotional distance from all the clients, but there was something about this particular person that made them worry for/about me.

I confirmed to them that I am not in any relationship with any of the clients, physical, emotional, romantic, or other. I admitted that there were some clients that I did like to look twice at or enjoyed their presence a little more than others, but I did not permit the stirrings of the body determine the performance of my office. (They laughed at the idea that Keri might be appreciative of the human form.) I thanked them for telling me this information and confirmed that it would be held in confidence.

For one thing, that particular client had not requested anything beyond was their right to request. And I am subject to the very same checks and balances that I put in place to prevent undue favorable decisions. My second has the right and the duty to call me out if I make a mistake or if my decision appears questionable. My second has the right and the duty to go over my head if something isn't sitting well with them. All my team has that right, actually. Our department is just that important.

I admitted that I was dismayed and disappointed that the client's friendliness was actually a trap for improper entanglements. They asked me if I was disappointed because a client was making a slow trap for me, or because I thought I had found someone that could be a friend and was betrayed instead.

"Is it that obvious?"

"[Keri], your face didn't go on a journey, it went to a wake."

"Ah. Yea. This one stings. But I'll be okay. It just means I'll have to go back to being That Bitch™ to everyone. I won't say anything to [that client] because there is nothing to be said. I will maintain my distance and stoicism. This is all a show and I will play my part."

They apologized again for bringing me pain. I told them I would rather have the pain they brought me rather than be placed in a compromising position later. Again, the appearance of impropriety can be more damaging than any unauthorized approval.

The next day, that client came in to the office to request an indulgence that was not theirs to receive. Normally, I would come explain the matter to the client in person. This time, I asked my team to make a group exercise of examining this client's situation and briefly discuss the outcome. They all agreed that the client had asked for a privilege that was not theirs to receive. I sent my second and another team member to discuss the matter with that client.

That client initially refused to speak with them and asked for me directly. "She'll make time for me, I'm sure. Just tell her I'm here." My second confirmed that I was not available and that either they receive the information now or receive a phone call from my second later, but the matter had already been discussed and settled. That client huffed and grumped but accepted to hear out my team.

"So, that's the way it is."

"Yes."

"I guess I was expecting too much. I really thought... never mind."

The property notes were updated and my second raised an eyebrow when they saw I had noted that any further requests from this particular client were to be routed to my immediate superior. They waited until lunch when the office was empty to say anything.

"So, about [that client], I saw your note. That was personal."

"Yes."

"Want me to handle them if they come back?"

"Only if you are comfortable."

"Absolutely. Someone taught me how to be rude to clients and say 'no', after all. For what it's worth, I don't doubt you. But if this hurts, I'll take it from you."

"Yea, this one hurts."

"Mine."

It has been a few weeks since this happened. That client has come back several times, requesting to speak with me personally each time, and requesting something above what they are permitted to receive. Each time, it has been a different team member that has spoken to them. The one time they demanded to speak with a manager, my immediate superior came out to meet with them.

"Where's [Keri]?"

"She's working on a project and can't be disturbed until it's done. I'm her superior so whatever I rule, she has to uphold. Your request cannot be granted, and no one on staff has the authority to overrule that. Did you submit your written request to your board that does have the authority?"

"Never mind. I see how this is going to be."

They left and haven't been back.

If anyone else has picked up on my weakness, they have chosen silence. I am finally able to remark on the matter. All of my relationships have ended poorly, and after a decade of wondering what the fuck is wrong with me, the one time I allow myself to consider the possibility of an idea, and it winds up being an exploitative trap.

I am proud of my team, of my second especially.

I am thankful for my superior's choice to not interrogate me about the one fucking time that Keri chooses not to engage in a matter.

But, I am tired. I am very tired.

#Keri goes to work.#And chooses the pain of solitude in lieu of being made someone else's tool.#Again.

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sinbinfamiliar · 4 months

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(theory-anon here!) I definitely agree with your recent post about Gressil having coping-in-the-worst-way vibes. I also think the guy is probably confused about what Sam meant about torturing Rayne. Like, Gressil has no idea why Raven/Glad is so cold towards him, or why Rayne wouldn't like him if/when they meet. Why? Because he doesn't remember the house. He doesn't know what he did. And yeah all the wildness of his personality feels kinda fake. Hope we see some deeper emotion from him soon!

DUUUUDE okay like WELCOME BACK ANON FRIEND I MISSED YOUUUUU

I've been having a MOMENT and I've had no one to truly scream to in any way recently.

No spoilers for fast pass but the season finale has happened, and I've gotten as much Gressil content as I can as of now.

And I truly do feel like he has a full facade up. I think I does remember things(like Sam and Raven/Glad, Tomoha even and such.) but he specifically has only forgotten Rayne. And that's gonna be a huge thing next season I think.

But because of that I personally now question how many bad things he actually DID to any of the women in the second basement for Mateo. Frankly he seems SHOCKED he would ever do anything to someone like Rayne. He admits later on he is weak(albeit in a played up way), so I truly do wonder how much he actually did damage to anyone or if it was all truly show and this was the first time he actually went ham wild.

Raven/glad has put into question a lot about the Mateo house arc as well I think. How it was formed. How everyone was found. Cause it seems like he has known Gressil for a while in that arc, enough to truly know how Gressil is as a person.

But a lot of the antics in this season for Gressil are much more... light hearted? Not actually he's still a jerk and happy to cause damage but he is doing it a lot less and being waaaay less verbally bitter as well. It's a dramatic change compared to how he was in the mateo arc. He was a lot more serious and cruel. Perhaps it's the people he was around and place he was in? Who knows.

I desperately hope Ms. freaky gives us some Gressil backstory next season as well. It's needed very much to explain more about him and perhaps even... dare I say it... redeem him.

At some point I'm about to make a whole set of videos talking about, analyzing, dissecting, and speculating about Gressil pft

#gressil #homesick webtoon #webtoon homesick

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crying-fantasies · 1 year

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Walk with me: Mayhem of hearts

Masterlist

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The same day that you and your family returned to your house with the heads high and the honor in the floor was the very same day that Jonathan closed his bedroom doors to be alone.

Dio didn't even wanted to be near Jonathan in that moment, he could sometimes hear his sobs from the other side of the door, anyone that passed near could, but Jonathan was adamant in having no one near him at that moment and Dio would be caught dead than doing such a stupid thing as to be an intermediary.

"Dio, please, I beg of you, dear, you are the only that Jonathan will listen now"

Oh but of course his mother would request of his help when he didn't hear Mr. Joestar.

He wanted to tell them that no, that he, Dio, wasn't going to be Jojo's babysitter, but one look at his mother big and worried eyes to have him already knocking on the door of his stupid step brother.

And he was trying to be a gentleman while knocking, but he got impatient by the second and he finally got enough, "Well, I did my best-"

"Dio?"

Of all the times that Jonathan could have decided to open his door, why did he choose this exact moment?

Jonathan was, to be sincere even if he hated it, a mountain of muscles, so Dio didn't had a chance the moment that he was almost dragged inside the room, it was way more messier than usual and Jonathan was at least wore normal clothes, if his wardrobe could be refered as normal, in place of pijamas.

It was strange, but he needed to get him out of here or the Joestars would never leave him alone, even when he already had a schedule with you that same afternoon for a social reunion, and you were quite clear on the fact that he couldn't leave alone in this specific one because your aunt would be there and you didn't had the patience for that woman to talk shit about you.

"Jojo, why don't you go out?" He was clear, trying to get right to the point.

But then Jonathan sobbed.

"It's just, how can I even show myself in public after that?" He was almost a few steps from crying and Dio wasn't having any of that, so he decided to change the topic.

"Well, you see, the rugby team-"

"I made a huge mistake!"

Oh, really?

"I mean, it's not like I love them like that, don't misunderstand, Dio!" Maybe Jonathan confused his angry expression with jealousy, which was stupid because he, Dio, would prefer to marry an old woman with money than you to begin with! Jonathan just continued with his feelings like he was river of emotions finally free, so he said your name again, almost crying, like it was difficult to even pronounce it, "I was such a coward, so unmanly and so ungentlemanly, and the worst of all, I hurt someone that I love dearly for all of that-"

"Can you refrain yourself of saying that you love my fiance, Jojo?"

"But I'm not ready for such a thing like marriage" oh well, he just continued to talk, Dio was about to punch some sense into his thick skull.

"You are the heir of a noble house, Jonathan, that's something that everyone expected you to do"

"I know, but I can't just do such a big commitment with someone that I don't love in that way" Jonathan was crying in silence now, not uttering a sound for a moment, "but I also know that this whole ordeal is now on your shoulders and I'm sorry for it"

He continued again with all his good boy talk and Dio had enough, he would just space out of it for a while, but then Jonathan's hand got him back to reality.

"Let me ask you, Dio" well, now he had that solemn look on him again, that was good, right? "I have done so much damage to my dear friend, I don't think that I can see those eyes again without feeling their hate towards me, I couldn't stand it" ugh, he was crying again, what was his problem? "So, I can only ask this to you, Dio, my brother..." Okay this was getting emotional, too emotional to his own liking, "Do you promise me to make them the happiest person alive?" Not exactly, you would be fine by your own, "To help the dreams in that splendid heart to be true?" You would smack his hand away if he even tried to help you, "To spend a life without problems or grievance with the only objective of hearing that splendid and joyful laugh everyday?" What splendid laugh? You laughed like a mad person.

Dio needed a moment to process all that, was it true that Jonathan didn't love you like that at all?

Maybe he wasn't an expert in the feelings department, but that was like some kind of confession, and remembering when you all were children he could swear on his name that you would always look at Jonathan with a strange song playing in the background and eyes full of adoration and love, and that was something that only happened if Jonathan was near you.

He didn't want to be in the middle of two idiots in love, but that's exactly where he was.

When he finally got out of that room, with a Jonathan seeing the sun light after a week and almost going blind, he got in time to the social reunion with you.

"What happened?" You were good at whispering, but in this occasions when the table and the decorations could hide your hand with ease you used code Morse, tapping with your finger on his thigh to prevent others from hearing your real intentions and conversation.

"Jonathan finally got out of his enclosure" he didn't need to do all your procedures, no one would have the nerve to mess with him.

"About damn time"

"Just to assure you, he still doesn't want to see you, he feels like a piece of trash about all the chaos back then"

"that's" Dio looked at you, normally your finger would be tapping on his muscle without a problem or filter, especially when it was about a topic that made you angry, but now you had a sad expression that you tried to hide from him, that catched his interest, "that's good, I don't want to see him now"

Dio looked at you, your usual smiling facade falling apart, he also looked around, the old wifes started to look at you, now so vulnerable, and it was true, his words opened a little the scar that formed around your bleeding heart.

"Oh, my dear" the nickname that he used made blush almost every woman in the table, except you, he noticed how your shoulders were now tense, goosebumps evident on your skin, "if the sun is too much for you then we can rest inside, if the beautiful ladies permit so" now he took your hand on his, smiling like a perfect lover, the older women just gave him the permission to take you to the extension of the reunion that happened inside.

So he did just that, still holding your hand he headed to the living room, you tried to be composed.

"Hey darling" you said and it felt so strange that those words were from your lips, he almost let go of your hand "nice move back there"

"Of course, sweet heart" it was obvious that he would counterattack, you almost made a disgusted sound.

#reader insert #x reader #joestar family #jonathan joestar #jjba pt 1 #dio x reader #dio brando #jojos bizarre adventure

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finelineborderline · 2 years

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Hi! I uhm have not yet been diagnosed but I’m pretty confident that bpd is the answer to it all as shitty as that is. I’m almost more afraid for it to not be bpd cause nothing has ever made this much sense. But I’m really scared. And you’re in no way obligated to read this or respond but I don’t know. Just, do you have any advice for someone just now realizing and getting diagnosed with bpd?

hello, anon! first, i apologize ahead of time for how long this will be, but there's a lot i want to say. obligatory disclaimer that i am not a professional nor am i a qualified doctor to diagnose anyone, and these thoughts are mine and mine alone and do not constitute a professional's medical opinion/advice. all i can do here is speak my truth and explain my experiences with BPD in hopes that you and maybe others find it helpful.

second, at least with BPD, if you think you have it (i.e. you know you fit 5 or more of the 9 current diagnostic criteria), while of course obtaining a professional diagnosis is great, in this case, it's my personal belief that if you think you have BPD, there's a large chance you do have it. of course there will always be outliers, but for most people, pretending to have BPD or forcing a diagnosis just doesn't make sense. BPD is not something that makes people quirky and it makes life more difficult, not just from a personal standpoint as the person who has it, but the resulting reaction from friends, family, and even strangers you don't know and never will who have something to say on the internet. i don't know many people who'd lie about that and be okay with the negative stigma that persists around those diagnosed with BPD.

most (if not all) people with BPD don't want to have it, but understand they fit the criteria. with certain other mental illnesses and ailments, getting a professional to diagnose them is of course better than self-diagnosing, but i had self-diagnosed with BPD for years before i ever ended up in a psychiatric ward because i 5150'd myself and got professionally diagnosed with BPD. i had quite a strong hunch i had BPD years before a professional came to the same conclusion - but not in a "oh my god yay i'm so glad i have this horribly debilitating illness, woo!" more in a "holy fuck this all makes so much sense, and i wish it didn't, but i know myself, and i know that this is what i have". and getting the professional diagnosis was great in the sense of getting that final confirmation, but even without it, i'd have still considered myself as someone struggling with BPD.

it's okay to be scared. i think i'd be scared of you if you weren't scared - i was downright terrified when i figured out that what i'd been feeling, dealing with, doing, could be attributed to BPD. i hated it, wished it was something else, but the more i read, the more i watched, the more i took notes, the more i realized that BPD was the answer to a question i wish i didn't have to ask in the first place.

before i was diagnosed, i took notes as if i was in a class about BPD. i wrote down the criteria for a diagnosis, and put a check next to every one i fit into with specific notes of how and why i felt i checked that category. chronic feelings of emptiness? check. emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events? check. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment? check. unstable self-image/sense of self? double and triple check. impulsive and damaging behavior in regards to spending/sex/substance use/reckless driving/binge eating? i did all of those things, where only 2 were required to hit this bullet point. quadruple check. anger? checkity check check. unstable interpersonal relationships? fucking check. suicidal behavior/threats? check. paranoid ideation/dissociative symptoms? check. i hit all 9 of these and it "only" requires 5 to hit the diagnosis. so for me, i knew i had it because like you, nothing else made this much sense.

and you know what? i fucking hated it. i got angry at myself for being so fucking broken that my personality had apparently shattered somewhere in early childhood due to my trauma and left me with a gaping, angry hole that i had constantly tried to fill with something, anything. i was beyond angry, i was seething with rage. why did it have to be fucking me? why? i still grapple with "why me?" on the daily with my BPD. i didn't want BPD to be what made sense, but it did. and while i am still incredibly fucking angry with my diagnosis, i've also reached a level of resignation about it. almost a sense of radical acceptance.

my advice is gonna sound fucking stupid because i know how hard much of it is to do and a lot of it takes serious introspection, patience, and kindness (to yourself). my advice would be to truly try to practice self-compassion, self-love - when what you want to do is beat yourself up internally over anything - having BPD in the first place (hell, even thinking you have BPD in the first place), or something you did/said in reactionary anger/rage/sadness/impulsiveness, something you didn't do - anytime you want to emotionally flay yourself over this, the best advice i can give you is to practice the skill of forgiving yourself. of giving yourself compassion to learn and grow as a human who is struggling with something very difficult to live with.

and i'm going to be upfront with you - most times, you will fail. you will not give yourself the compassion, love, and kindness you truly deserve. it's hard to break the cycle of self-rage, hard to convince yourself that you're worth recovery, worth getting better, worth learning to live with BPD and all it entails. but there WILL be times where you catch yourself in moments of compassion and acceptance. they might be few and far between, and they might not feel like much at first, but with time and practice, you will notice moments that you are less critical of yourself and your perceived failures relating to BPD.

for instance - i've been in DBT for a few months now. some of it really doesn't help me specifically (some "action steps" just don't work), but there's a few things that have been pivotal to my growth and have helped. one of those being the not-so-simple act of radical acceptance. of forgiveness. of understanding that you are not the worst person to ever walk the face of this earth, no matter how much your brain will try and try and try to convince you that you are. i have caught a few very very very SMALL moments where i've internally said to myself "well, it's okay that i failed there" or "alright, so i didn't do XYZ, i'll move on and do better next time" instead of beating myself up emotionally/internally over it. and the first time i noticed that happened, a tiny light bulb went off in my head. it was weeks and weeks into my DBT, where i felt i wasn't seeing any changes in myself. but that one, tiny instance where i showed myself compassion? it gave me a faint spark of hope that maybe BPD isn't the death sentence i so often feel it is. and i still do, in a lot of ways, and i'm working to try to manage and cope better, but it's not smooth sailing and more often than not, i am being mean to myself, or unforgiving. but my advice is to try to be aware of those moments, whenever they may come, where you can sense yourself forgiving yourself or being nicer to yourself than you otherwise might have been.

i'm not gonna bullshit you and act like learning to live with BPD is a walk in the park, or that somehow after DBT (should you choose to ever go that route) will result in you being "cured" or "fixed" - at least in terms of DBT, it's not a cure so much as it is trying to instill new habits and coping skills that you will strengthen by repeated use and practice. (and remember, practicing a skill still counts even if you fail to correctly use that skill. practice does not mean you always do things right/correct, it simply means you tried.)

again, it's okay to be scared. please allow yourself to feel that emotion. but leave room for that fear to dissipate at times, leave room to challenge that fear on occasion.

most of all, allow yourself to be. however you feel isn't bad. emotions are messengers, so next time you're angry, ask yourself: what is my anger trying to tell me in this moment? if you're sad, ask yourself: what is my sadness trying to convey? with repeated practice, perhaps you can identify triggers for certain emotions.

practice observing how you're feeling physically in your body, and remember that emotions are not facts. and remember that emotions will come and go, no matter how much your brain will convince you they won't.

that's all i've got for you now, but to you and anyone else who made it this far down - my inbox is always, always open, for anyone and anything. you don't have to be alone. we can be alone together, and i'm just a message away.

#borderline personality problems #borderline problems #borderline tag #borderline thoughts #bpd #bpd blog #bpd life #bpd thoughts #living with borderline #bpd feels #bpd stuff #bpd mood #actually bpd #bpd tag #bpd things #bpd vent #living with bpd

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drdemonprince · 1 year

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I won't be able to make it to the We Know The Devil re-play on Thursday but I watched the first one and it made me think of something I'm struggling to figure out in general. In the game when we didn't include/support someone sufficiently a bad thing happened to them so some of us felt bad for excluding them. But that character was kind of a mean bully in my opinion. I have some issues with this societal idea that you have to support people even when they're shitty to you and that something as innocuous as just avoiding a mean person means it's somehow your fault when something bad happens or they spiral or something. But then again I know people go through hard times and there should be some space for people to act kind of crappy to one another. I think maybe I'm overcompensating for being too much of a fawner but feeling guilty that maybe I'm now just heartless. I'm curious what your thoughts are on this and if you know of any rules of thumb, especially for those of us that have a hard time telling if someone's bad behavior is actually harmful and we need to get out, or if it's something we can absorb without damage and continue to still support them.

Well okay so first, I think individual players will have different reactions to Neptune because she is aggressive and mean-girlish and that's fine, but in-game the other two mains are written as enjoying her and finding relief in her certainty and directness. You don't have to like her, and you can choose to play the game however you like, but as far as the other characters' and their motivations go, they like her, and they want her around, and it's when they push past their own shame enough to face one another and show that care that they thrive.

the game's exploring the competing forces of isolation and shame versus belonging and acceptance, and I think for that to work and have emotional heft, the characters have to be difficult at times to love, and they can't love themselves. It's not particularly interesting to watch a bunch of perfect (or even just all gentle and nice) people choosing to look after one another. and that's not what exclusion and homophobia does to people. it makes some of us mother fuckers.

As for playing out in these dynamics in the real world, I believe that trying to find any kind of hard and fast rule about how things should be and then mapping that onto your own behavior with consistency is almost guaranteed to fail. Because there is a huge difference between what kinds of grace/acceptance/love/etc people ought to receive and deserve in the broad sense, and what you, personally, are in a position to provide or will get anything out of doing. that's kind of a huge theme in my work: we need to stop treating ourselves as symbolic moral agents, and instead as individual people in unique circumstances with our own limits.

So rather than asking some higher order question about whether another person deserves forgiveness or inclusion despite them having been a dick to you, or being annoying, or what have you, it makes a lot more sense to ask yourself if you even like being around the person or if being near them makes you feel terrible. Pushing yourself to spend time with someone you actively dislike because you have some ideological belief that the person should have close associates of some kind is just going to make you feel drained and resentful, and make the other person feel like a charity case or like they are being proselytized, and it won't end well, believe me.

Ultimately, Neptune gets included in things because her two friends like her -- they like her as she is, acid tongue and all -- and realizing that is part of what saves her. and all three of the characters. and that is how inclusion and acceptance probably ought to work in our real life friend groups as well. We have to actually enjoy being around people, feel comfortable navigating conflict with them, accept their faults and not have some agenda when interacting with them (whether that's of rehabilitation, or pity, or of feeling that we have met some ideological or moral goal by associating with them).

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femmefatalevibe · 1 year

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Hi :)

I have a bit of an internal dilemma surrounding sex.

I'm in my mid 20's & had sex for the first time with a man who made me feel safe and cared for it was just such a special connection, unfortunately, we live on different continents but planned to meet again to go exploring in a different country together because we really wanted to see each other again, and that was fun and exciting. It's been like a condensed gentle and passionate relationship but it's not practical for us to be together.

A part of me feels "spoilt" & that makes me want to regret having slept with someone who I couldn't really be with long-term but that's only because I'm struggling after putting my virginity on such a high pedestal for so long. It made me realise maybe I tied my value to that which is what a lot of young women do & I wish I knew where to turn to help myself be okay with this because I feel like sex is a very polarised topic amongst women. I'm not into casual hook-ups & don't believe I will be but I don't want to purity culture & waiting to marriage to dictate my life especially now since I'm "tainted".

Where is the balance between the two? I feel too ashamed to even mention this to my therapist because I have an irrational fear of been judged or seen a particular way.

I've always been comfortable with my body so it's not that but I guess. figuring out how to process my sexuality going forward. I was raised in a moderately religious (Catholic) family but I'd say I've been more spiritual than religious since I was 13 because I didn't agree with everything, and I've always supported women doing what they want with their bodies but I'm confused about it when it comes to me. I'd describe myself as more of the gamine, girly, free-spirit, and highly sensitive if that helps with your advice for me or any other women like me or in this situation.

I appreciate your thoughtful responses & the content you share. Please feel free to reply whenever you get the time & inspiration to do so.

Sending love.

Hi love! I'm so glad to hear that you had a positive first sexual experience even if you live in different parts of the world and cannot be with each other long term (these situations are so frustrating – completely empathize with your frustration and sadness over this matter).

Good for you to want to move past this black-and-white thinking around sex and your sexuality. Purity culture is so toxic. Unlearning the shame that comes with a religious upbringing can be difficult. Please remember, though, that no one is "tainted" from engaging in such a natural act with someone they have chemistry with. The only "damage" that can happen from consensual sex is STDs or unwanted pregnancy if you don't use protection.

From what I've seen, religious indoctrination tends to promote an otherness around sex – it is a purpose-driven act (uphold a marriage, create children), rather than an innate desire that matures just like the rest of your being (body, mind, spirit). Once you consider that your sexuality is simply a part of your human existence – like your desire for certain foods, emotions, interpersonal connections, sensory experiences, and creativity – it is easier to perceive sex as a morally-neutral act.

Because one's sexuality is so personal, you need to learn, explore, and accept your preferences at any given stage in your life. If you find the idea of casual sex or purely physically-driven sex to be unappealing, that is completely fine. Some people prefer to have sex with someone only after they've established an emotional connection or were friends with the person beforehand. It's like someone preferring smooth or chunky peanut butter. You might not understand why someone likes the other option, and you might change your mind over time, but neither option is inherently "good" nor "bad." Either option should align with your personal preference to ensure you're getting the most pleasure and satisfaction out of the experience.

I know it might feel uncomfortable at first, but, if you have a good therapist, it could be very helpful for you to speak about your reservations and underlying shame around sex in a safe space as you get to learn and explore this side of yourself. If you feel more comfortable chatting in private about this, I'm sharing my one-on-one chat session link here: https://calendly.com/femmefatalevibe/30min?month=2023-04.

Hope this helps xx

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laurfilijames · 7 months

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Hola Linda! what current shows are you into? also, what characteristics does your dream guy have

I feel like this is a loaded question you might not be prepared to get the answer to 🤣

I'm a repeat offender when it comes to shows and films, and rewatch all my favourites more times than is considered normal because it's comforting to me. I don't know that I've necessarily consumed (or rather been consumed by) any current shows as I'm more a fan of the "oldies" such as Friends, The Office and Seinfeld, so I think the most current show I've watched has maybe been The White Lotus?

I love comedy, and don't do well with dark or too-serious shows, so I find what I like and stick to it. I want to laugh and turn my brain off after a long day so anything too heavy is not for me.

What characteristics does my dream man have? 😅 is it okay to sum it up in the likes of a combination of Captain Will Miller, Jay Mills and Pete Dunham?

I need a strong man, both mentally and physically, who may or may not have some emotional damage that will seek solace in the arms and body of a loving woman.

They need to be loyal and caring, someone who will give the shirt off their back for anyone and drop whatever they're doing for someone they care about.

They make it too easy to love them.

Thank you so much for this ask!! What a fun one to answer 💗

- Laur

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gleekingdom · 10 months

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I'm looking to rp with this oc I haven't really gotten a chance to be much yet. And my character isn't Darren, Darren Criss is just his faceclaim because I like to imgaine him portraying the character ( I know he won't actually do that though XD)

I usaully like to rp B X B Ships

That would cool to rp with someone who had a oc of the faceclaim grant gustin but I'm not picky as long the ship is B x B

I'm Autistic and dylexic so if your against that for some reason, okay don't roleplay with me then thanks. ^^

I'm not comfortable with NSFW so please keep this pg13 I am 20+ but I'm not comfortable with that stuff.

if you are interested to rp with him then dm me here and I'll give you my code so we can rp on Discord.

Name

Alex Spector, Alex

Nicknames

Alex, Spec, Specs (you can make up more in rp)

Age

20- 35

Birthday

April 6th

orientation

Bisexaul ( Male lean)

Zodiac

Taurus ♉️

Height

5'7

...Taits

positive . . . Laid back on the outside/ Friendly/ Deep thinker

neutral . . . Acts sure of himself even when hes

not/ a bit of a hopeless romantic/ mysterious

negative . . . Doesn't go outta his way to meet new people/ Over thinks

•Personality in a bit more detail

- He acts very sure of himself and sure of what he's doing. And yes well at times he is sure sometimes it's much more of an act. He's not shy and infact can be rather bold. But he's not fully self-assured about himself and questions things deeply, like meaning behind simple things or just life, but at times that gets him to really overthink things and misread a situation.

I think in a way he wants the attention from other people too, but also doesn't want to be variable around them he wants to seem like he's always well rounded and good and doesn't have any problems or things that will worry others. He's kind and cares for people but doesn't usaully go out of his way to become close with other people and though bold can be rather quite especially when deep into his thoughts.

If your mean to him though he won't just take it, he'll stand up for himself, and might say something mean back but he usaully doesn't strike first.

And he is quite the bit of a hopeless romantic, but he's not sure if something like that could ever happen to him. Plus he kinda closes parts of himself off from his band, from people who want to be his friends and even his own family (( Emotionally damaged))

Don't read this part if you just wanna find out rping with him || He's Very Emotional so when he's happy he lights up, when he's sad he's really really down and when he's mad- I think you get it||

He's kinda complicated, at least to me so it's hard to explain his whole personality

And he might be austistic coded and if he is it wasn't intentional I'm just autistic so Idk ( I'm not against him being austistic that was just not my original intent for the character, but I do have other ocs that are austistic. I just like making my characters different from eachother)

Likes

•Space aesthetics

•the Theater/ like plays and musicals

•music/ his favorite kind is jazz pop and rokin roll

•getting his nails painted ( he's not girly he just likes his nails looking fancy)

•Fried chicken / organe chicken

•Favorite colors are red and purple 💜 ❤️

•Concerts

•Reading well mostly of anything

• likes to go to parties weather it's like dancing crazy parties/ or fancy parties

•Just hanging out

•Doing street or wall art

Dislikes

the way he overthinks sometimes

Being told he can only be one thing/ being put in a social latter box

people who whine for things but never work for it

the color organe thinks it looks unflattering

Fears

•Not being good enough at anything

•losing the things that are important to him

•Rodents

Hoddies

• Going to parties

• playing violin / gituare

• getting ready overly early for things like his jods/ interviews/ dates

• Reading

• Listening to music

ambitions• To be a famous singer with his band

occupation• Singer of his band 'North star' ( he probably has side jods on the side)

Family realionships

Mother

Ellison Spector

His mother and who he is closest to in the family. She loves both of her sons treating them equal. He does many favors for his mom and loves her very Dearly.

Father

John Spector

John wasn't looking for another child after Arnold his oldest, so he never really cared much for Alex. But Alex still wants to win over his father in some way.

Older brother.

Arnold Specter- he's only three years older

His Dads favorite and in Alex's eyes the one who can do no wrong and who somehow wins every trophy and is skilled how can Alex compete with that. There realionship is well rocky at best, more so closed off on Alex's side then Arnold's side, Arnold tries to have a good realionship with his brother.

He lives in a apartment now but I just felt those realionships are kinda important and kinda is part of what made him who he is.

Thank you if you read all of that 😊

There still is a bit to tell about him but you'd find out if you rped with him.

#roleplay #bxb roleplay #my oc character #gleek #looking for roleplay #grant gustin #darren criss

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