#anorexia b/p

[findingmypeace]

Sometimes the reality of the past year hits me. I’m specifically talking about things related to my eating disorder. No, things still aren’t that great and there is still lots to do but then I remember how bad the brain fog was and how sick I felt. I remember the frustration, anger, invalidation, and so many tears. But what stands out in my brain the most is that first week of residential. My time was mostly spent, sleeping, in the middle of a panic attack, or a meal/snack which usually resulted in extreme measures to act on behaviors without getting caught.

This morning I ate breakfast. I feel so guilty and actual meals have started to be scary again. At the same time I ate it. I didn’t have a panic attack. I didn’t purge. The urge is still there but I’m making an effort not to. I’m doing this on my own.

Like I said there is still work to be done but the contrast between them and now is so big. When I think about that I don’t know whether to cry or smile. I don’t know where things will go in this journey of recovery but, wow, the change is overwhelming.

#personal #ed treatment #recovery #bulimia #anorexia b/p #eating disorders

[bojackhorsebitch]

Why do I keep trying to eat healthy thinking that if there isn’t any chocolate in my apartment I won’t eat it. If there isn’t any chocolate in my apartment I’m going to order and eat 12 massive cookies and then feel terrible about myself until I do it all over again 😩

#tw ed #bulimia #anorexia b/p #vent

[fuck-that-imstarving]

Okay i have a theory, when i see someone who is VERY thin and has a VERY puffy face i always think that they're bulimic or taking drugs bc after going through ana and mia i noticed that ana literally sucks you in in everything and mia makes you a thin body and a puffy face. Do you think that's true?

#not promoting just using tags #pro ana mia #pro ana #pro mia #ana #mia #anorexia #bulimia #b/p #bonespo #thinspo #thinsp0 #thinspi #thinspiration #ed relapse #ana mia #bpd #an4rexia #skinny #thin #bonesp0 #meanspo #sweetspo #thigh gap #legspo #armspo #depression #drugs

[miiiiaaa2323]

I need a scale. How could they just take it away, they can't do that. Isn't it like my human right to have a scale?

#bulimia #b/p #anorexia #weightloss #mia #ana #ed #thinspo #i need to lose weight #i hate myself

[in-relapse-we-trust]

Treatment was a load of bullshit and I'm happy I finally left. But now I'm weighing 115.7 🙄 glad I left before they could continue to add more on....

#anamia #tw disordered eating #4norexi4 #tw ana diary #anorexia b/p subtype

[librarycards]

Hopefully this isn't too personal- do you have any advice for someone who is opposed to psych wards or conventional treatment but really needs help with anorexia and adderall use? I don't want to "recover" and I'm scared they will permanently revoke my prescription but my weight and medical issues and dependence on adderall to function have gotten pretty awful to live with. I've tried to reign it in by myself but if I decrease the adderall even a little, I get really depressed and immediately start binging and purging. How do I get medical help without getting trapped in treatment I don't want or losing legal access to a medication I take several times a day?

so, obviously, disclaimer that i do not know much about adderal, i'm not a pharmacist nor have i ever taken it. also, i dislike the language of treatment/professionalized ED management, but alas, i use some here for ease of communication.

i think that harm reduction + some "freestyle recovery" techniques could be helpful here. by "freestyle recovery," i'm referring to the ways in which disorderly eaters practice healing outside the frameworks of traditional "recovery"/in ways that deliberately disalign from carceral / normalizing techniques. these can be practiced toward one's personal definition of "health," or simply as ways of living on without recovering as such. of course, this is up to you!

the first step here is outlining your necessities. do you need to be on adderall? if so, put this in the "necessity" column. do you need, at this moment, to stay below a certain # in size, or calories, or something else? put that, too, in the necessity column. once you've outlined some of these, consider what it is possible to "push" on –– for example, if you're not eating structured meals at planned times, this might be something to try - it normalizes your body's expectations for hunger and fullness, and helps a lot of people manage and decrease b/p cycles. if scales are a big concern, consider asking someone you trust to take or hide your scale –– this is actually something i asked my parents to do as a teenager (they still do to this day). if depression is a b/p trigger, it's worth thinking about what kinds of activities help you manage your depression –– for some people, that's exercise; if exercise is triggering, what about just going out in the fresh air? for others, it's art or music; for others, it's low-pressure (and food-optional/-free) hangouts with friends. also, of course, things like adequate hydration, vitamin supplementation, and maintaining a consistent eating schedule (even if you binge later!) are important to making sure your body can continue to survive without serious medical intervention.

you might notice that a lot of these recommendations are community-based: this is deliberate. it's not possible to live meaningfully without living in-relation. further, if you're experiencing hardship/crisis, it's absolutely necessary that somebody else be there to shoulder the burden with you. do you have someone around you irl not in a position of power over you that you can talk to? someone you can call or visit if you feel the urge to restrict or b/p? i find that the ways i harm my bodymind spike massively when i'm isolated/feel like i can't open up to anyone around me. even if you spend time with someone and don't talk about health stuff at all (though i also HIGHLY recommend having a crisis plan - your friends need to know what to do if you have a major health crisis), having a social release valve is incredibly important. camaraderie, being (at its best) reciprocal and nonhierarchical, is the opposite of institutionalization.

ultimately, your goal is simple but difficult: avoiding institutional treatment while maintaining access to an essential medication. while you are under no obligation to "recover," you do need to accept that the way you're living now is likely unsustainable if you want to achieve the aforementioned goals; maintaining your freedom is possible, but it's going to be really fucking uncomfortable. this is why i've emphasized skills that broadly fall under categories of "distress tolerance" (ew) and "distraction" (ick) –– you can and should not accept that your freedom is conditional upon "good behavior," but you do need to accept that in order to stay alive, you sometimes have to do stuff with your body that sucks. this is a universal truth for disorderly eaters. we can't go cold-turkey on what messes with our heads. instead, be intentional about finding the right balance of discomfort and safety. you don't need to "overcome" it. instead, focus on organizing your needs & wants, and tap into your networks to see who might be able to support you in achieving them.

#i hope this helps and love you sm anon #ask #ed stuff #going to try to go back and retag some posts w that eventually #anonymous #world healing #antipsychiatry

[findingmypeace]

Today has been a day full of b/ping. Over and over again. I am so ashamed. I am too afraid to admit this to my treatment team as things were already bad going into today. But I am going to start over. Tomorrow I will have breakfast. IOP is from 9am-12pm due to the holiday so I will have morning snack and lunch at iop. And then I will be responsible for afternoon snack, dinner, and night snack. I will do this. No more bullshitting around like today.

Aside from that I can barely stay awake. I'm not sure what is going on other than every minute or two I find myself compelled to shut my eyes. I had planned to catch up on work today but instead I spent the day b/ping and now I can't keep my eyes open. I guess I will just get up in the morning really early to finish my work.

I am SO frustrated with myself.

I'm guessing that if my treatment team finds out how bad things have been the past week there won't be a push for a higher level of care. Instead it will be a discussion about discharge because this is obviously not working for me. I am basically fucking myself over.

#it took me so long to write this #can't stay awake #personal #ed treatment #relapse #bulimia #anorexia b/p #eating disorders

[bunnywip]

𝘼-𝙕 𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙏 𝙊𝙁 𝘿𝙄𝙎𝙀𝘼𝙎𝙀𝙎/𝙄𝙇𝙇𝙉𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙀𝙎 𝙁𝙊𝙍 𝙎𝙄𝘾𝙆𝙁𝙄𝘾/𝙒𝙃𝙐𝙈𝙋

— A

Anemia.

Adenomyosis.

Asthma.

Arterial thrombosis.

Allergies.

Anxiety.

Angel toxicosis ( fictional ).

Acne.

Anorexia nervosa.

Anthrax.

Atma virus ( fictional ).

ADHD.

Agoraphobia.

Astrocytoma.

AIDS.

— B

Breast cancer.

Bunions.

Borderline personality disorder.

Botulism.

Barrett's esophagus.

Bowel polyps.

Brucellosis.

Bipolar disorder.

Bronchitis.

Bacterial vaginosis.

Binge eating disorder.

— C

Crohn's disease.

Conjunctivitis.

Coronavirus disease.

Coeliac disease.

Chronic migranes.

Coup.

Cushing syndrome.

Cystic fibrosis.

Cellulitis.

Coma.

Cooties  ( fictional ).

COPD.

Chickenpox.

Cholera.

Cerebral palsy.

Chlamydia.

Constipation.

Cancer.

Common cold.

Chronic pain.

— D

Diabetes.

Dyslexia.

Dissociative identify disorder.

Dengue fever.

Delirium.

Deep vein thrombosis.

Dementia.

Dysthimia.

Diphtheria.

Diarrhoea.

Disruptive mood dysregulation disorder.

Dyspraxia.

Dehydration.

— E

Ebola.

Endometriosis.

Epilepsy.

E-coli.

Ectopic pregnancy.

Enuresis.

Erectile dysfunction.

Exzema.

— F

Fusobacterium infection.

Filariasis.

Fibromyalgia.

Fascioliasis.

Fever.

Food poisoning.

Fatal familial insomnia.

— G

Gonorrhoea.

Ganser syndrome.

Gas gangrene.

Giardiasis.

Gastroesophageal reflux disease.

Gall stones.

Glandular fever.

Greyscale ( fictional ).

Glanders.

— H

Hookworm infection.

Hand, foot and mouth disease.

Hypoglycaemia.

Herpes.

Headache.

Hanahaki disease ( fictional ).

Hyperhidrosis.

Heat stroke.

Heat exhaustion.

Heart failure.

High blood pressure.

Human papillomavirus infection.

Hypersomnia.

HIV.

Heart failure.

Hay fever.

Hepatitis.

Hemorrhoids.

— I

Influenza.

Iron deficiency anemia.

Indigestion.

Inflammatory bowel disease.

Insomnia.

Irritable bowel syndrome.

Intercranial hypertension.

Impetigo.

— K

Keratitis.

Kidney stones.

Kidney infection.

Kawasaki disease.

Kaposi's sarcoma.

— L

Lyme disease.

Lassa fever.

Low blood pressure.

Lupus.

Lactose intolerance.

Lymphatic filariasis.

Leprosy.

— M

Measles.

Mad cow disease.

Mumps.

Major depressive disorder.

Malaria.

Malnutrition.

Motor neurone disease.

Mutism.

Mouth ulcer.

Monkeypox.

Multiple sclerosis.

Meningitis.

Menopause.

Mycetoma.

— N

Norovirus.

Nipah virus infection.

Narcolepsy.

Nosebleed.

Nocardiosis.

— O

Obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Osteoporosis.

Ovarian cyst.

Overactive thyroid.

Oral thrush.

Otitis externa.

— P

Pancreatic cancer.

Pneumonia.

Pelvic inflammatory disease.

PICA.

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder.

Psoriasis.

Parkinson's disease.

Panic disorder.

Polycystic ovarian syndrome.

Plague.

Postpartum depression.

Pediculosis capitis.

Psychosis.

Post-traumatic stress disorder.

— Q

Q fever.

Quintan fever.

— R

Rubella.

Rabbit fever.

Rotavirus infection.

Ringworm.

Restless legs syndrome.

Rhinovirus infection.

Rosacea.

Relapsing fever.

Rheumatoid arthritis.

Rabies.

— S

Shingles.

Sore throat.

Stutter.

Separation anxiety disorder.

Smallpox.

Scoliosis.

Septic shock.

Shigellosis.

Sepsis.

Social anxiety disorder.

Stroke.

Scarlet fever.

Schizophrenia.

Sleep apnea.

Sun burn.

Syphilis.

Sickle cell disease.

Scabies.

Selective mutism.

Salmonella.

Sensory processing disorder.

— T

Thyroid cancer.

Tuberculosis.

Thirst.

Trichuriasis.

Tinea pedis.

Tourette's syndrome.

Trachoma.

Tetanus.

Toxic shock syndrome.

Tinnitus.

Thyroid disease.

Typhus fever.

Tonsillitis.

Thrush.

— U

Urinary tract infection.

Underactive thyroid.

— V

Valley fever.

Vertigo.

Vomiting.

— W

White piedra.

Withdrawal.

Whooping cough.

West nile fever.

— X

Xerophthalmia.

— Y

Yersiniosis.

Yellow fever.

— Z

Zygomycosis.

Zika fever.

Zeaspora.

#writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #whump #whump prompt #creative writing

[anacallingnini]

INTRO

Hi! I’m NiNi. I’m a 27 year old woman (she,her) who has recently relapse on her ED (Anorexia B/P) . I’m going to use this blog as my diary to journal.

CW: 85kg

GW:55kg

UGW: 48kg

H: 170cm

Just a little disclaimer…. I’m in no way, shape or form trying to glorify or romanticize EDs. I just need a safe space to vent out sometimes and for obvious reasons, EDTWT is not an option for me.

Love you all and STAY SAFE! <3

#pr04ana #ed relapse #3dtumblr #ed diet inspo #3d di3t #3d f4st #ana buddie #ana miaa

[transmutationisms]

Hopefully this isn't too personal- do you have any advice for someone who is opposed to psych wards or conventional treatment but really needs help with anorexia and adderall use? I don't want to "recover" and I'm scared they will permanently revoke my prescription but my weight and medical issues and dependence on adderall to function have gotten pretty awful to live with. I've tried to reign it in by myself but if I decrease the adderall even a little, I get really depressed and immediately start binging and purging. How do I get medical help without getting trapped in treatment I don't want or losing legal access to a medication I take several times a day?

ok you probably understand this but the b/ping and restricting are part of the same underlying cycle of food behaviours. the adderall can help hold off b/p because it's an appetite suppressant, but for the same reason, it's very very common to experience a period of higher hunger when quitting or reducing any stimulant use. i don't believe that eating disorders or drug use are binary propositions, which is to say i think it is possible to reduce these behaviours and find ways to live with them even if you're not prepared to give them up entirely. however you do most likely need to confront the fact that your current level of restriction is dependent on your current amount of adderall usage, and in order to make whatever changes you want in your life, you are probably going to have to budge to some extent on one or both of these factors.

generally my advice here would be to decide in advance exactly what you want from a medical encounter (alterations to your stimulant script? eating disorder harm reduction? just someone to talk through it?) and then let that goal guide the exact type of treatment / professional you seek. you are correct to be concerned about losing the adderall script; stimulants are generally contraindicated for anorexics (though some doctors ignore this or dgaf) precisely because of the appetite suppression, so you should tread extremely carefully if this is something you want to talk openly about in a medical setting. whether you could be forced into eating disorder treatment obviously depends on other factors, namely your age and the laws where you live, so you should look into that before discussing details with anyone who has professional power over you.

[teaganlmaooo]

how can I make myself relapse with ana when i’m super busy?

btw im not some 12 year old asking for an eating dis0rder, i’m 17 and I’ve been struggling for years.

after being forced into anorexia recovery I went from ana (r) to ana (b/p) to straight up BED. And i am so done with the binge eating that i’m willing to do anything to go back to the honeymoon phase. I know all the risks. I lost most of my hair, had to get my gallbladder surgically removed, my bone density had decreased, i was hospitalized and ect.

I don’t even care about how horrible it was. I want to go back. So please, any advice on how to relapse would be greatly appreciated! :3

#pro a4a #@na rules #tw restriction #ana shit #i wanna be tiny #tw ana shit #an@rexi@ #tw ed but not sheeran #tw ana trigger #ana and mia #i wanna lose weight #i wanna be perfect #i wanna be skinnier #i wanna be weightless

[findingmypeace]

Since my behaviors have become more restrictive in the past few weeks I have become concerned about calories again. I’m also scared of foods I will typically purge because I’m in treatment and not supposed to be doing that (or ever).

This afternoon is our combined Christmas party with both houses and all clients and staff. Since it’s a party obviously there will be party foods there. I’m really not sure how I’m going to handle that. How do I just avoid the foods I enjoy for the sake of not having urges when it’s right there in front of me?

I’m so tired of this. I told my therapist I wish I could go back to my 30’s because the ed was just a routine part of my life. My body and brain had no issues with it which allowed me to get close to my low weight all while working as a nanny, completing my masters degree, and then working as a pre-licensed therapist. I guess I’m jealous of my past life.

#personal #eating disorders #bulimia #anorexia b/p

[babstheyaga]

hi this is a really personal question but do you think you would be able to give a reaction from the autobots finding out that the reader has/had a ED or is maybe bulimic? it’s ok if this can’t be done, it’s a rlly touchy subject for lots xx

Ooo, this is a good ask!

BumbleBee would be the most understanding. He himself has an ED, and maybe not something like restriction or purging, but he understands. He would be comforting, but not push for recovery. He knows what it's like to be forced into recovery, and knows that relapses are dangerous and can actually worsen it, so he would do his best to work with it. He might struggle with binging during a b/p phase, though.

Mirage would try to help, but might not be as good as BumbleBee. He would be better equipt to help with anorexia/orthorexia rather than bulimia, he would probably end up saying something that is seen as hurtful towards someone with an ED, like, "You're not fat, you're health!" And only realizes it was greatly hurtful when their heart rate changes. He would panic a lot If reader comes out of the bathroom and has a bloody nose, he might react badly at first, but would grow a better understanding as he learns more. He would do an immense amount of research on it, doing everything he can to learn.

Arcee is a foodie, so she wouldn't understand a lot. She would be the type to ignore it and hope it goes away. She wouldn't know how to go about it, what to say or how to react to bruises on the knuckles, sore throat, and fainting, so her best reaction is to just stay completely quiet while helping reader out.

CliffJumper would react the worst. His automatic response to things is to fix it. He's a hands-on kind of guy, and he has a strong need to help when things aren't right. He would probably be the type to lock the fridge and put reader on bathroom restriction, basically turning the house into a hospital. He would only know the surface level of bulimia, not knowing about their tricks like having trashbags for purging and hands-free. Once he thinks he's learned everything there is to know, there would be more that pops up.

I wouldn't say IronHide would encourage it per se, but he wouldn't be helpful either. Ignorance is bliss with IronHide, and what he doesn't want to know, simply won't kill him. He would buy her binge food that she asks for, knowing what she'll do, but he doesn't want her to know that he knows. If someone were to tell him to stop "enabling" her, he would say, "If she wants to lose weight, it's her choice. She's not killin' nobody and isn't causing any problems. Leave her be. If it hurts her, that's on her. Stay out of her business." He knows what it's like to have bad habits, and most definitely isn't the one to tell her how to live her life.

Optimus is a difficult one for me to decide how he would react... His most likely response would be to put a stop to everything reader does. Everything she does during the day she has to bring it up with him. She would need to keep a journal of her food, when she ate it, and how much. He would keep a very close eye on her, but if she were to mess up, say she purged and he caught her, he wouldn't punish her. He would actually give aftercare, and do everything to make sure she's sane afterward. Purging gives adrenaline, it's addicting, and he would treat it like an addiction.

Jazz would react similarly to both Arcee and BumbleBee. He wouldn't say much on it, but he would be very understanding. He would never tell her to stop, simply because he knows he can't make her, but he would make it known that he doesn't condone it.

Ratchet would treat it like he treats BumbleBee's ED. He would know how to handle everything, but would never force recovery. He would do his best to give her as much privacy as he can. Purging is a very private affair, and even though he would rather her tell him when she does it, he knows that it's embarrassing and wouldn't ever ask her to go out of her comfort zone for him.

#related to fmod #god i love asks #i'm very passionate about the subject of EDs #for many reasons

[ember20sblog]

I thought since I’ve been on here for a hot minute, I’d introduce myself and tell u a little bit about me:)

First off, Ember is kinda like my alter ego name that I use for pretty much all my social media accounts except Facebook (made that account when I was 14 and it’s mainly for family). My real name is Alyssa but I’ve never really liked that name for myself. Im 21 years old but I definitely feel like I have the mind of a teenager lol

My favorite color is black🖤

My favorite food is popcorn 🍿

I’m a coffee addict☕️ also have an obsession with coffee mugs (especially Halloween mugs)

My favorite animal(s) is an elephant, owl, cardinals (I honestly love all animals Lmaoo)

My favorite hobbies are writing poetry and occasionally drawing

I have been diagnosed so far with C-PTSD, MDD, GAD, an eating disorder (I’ve had anorexia nervosa b/p subtype as well as bulimia and ednos) I’m also being evaluated for mood disorders

I have 2 biological sisters and 4 half siblings (3 half sisters and 1 half brother) I’m the youngest

I have a dog named mufasa who’s a shitzhu mix

I suffer from lots of chronic illnesses as well

I never finished high school. I only went freshman year but missed a lot bc I kept getting sick. I tried homeschooling but I was too mentally unstable and physically sick to do most of the work. And I was in the psych ward and ED residential treatment during sophomore year so I finally just gave up. I haven’t gotten my GED yet bc again I have a lot of physical and mental health issues that make things 10x harder to do

I’m pretty much a homebody but I wish I wasn’t. I wish I had friends but I don’t

I struggle with my sexuality and identity bc of my religious family and what I grew up on. I’m pretty sure I’m a lesbian but I’m not 100% sure. I just know deep down I’m not straight. So maybe queer? Idk but it’s hard when u have homophobic parents and siblings. I’ve only kinda come out to two of my aunts who are supportive but I struggle with internal homophobia bc of the way I was raised and the beliefs that were taught to me. But I’m working on accepting myself

I’m more vegetarian then vegan bc I eat some animal products (some dairy and stuff made with eggs) but I eat a lot of vegan foods. I’m allergic to gluten and lactose intolerant so it’s easier to be vegan most times but I’ll allow myself to get away with eating some animal products. But I refuse to eat meat. Just grosses me out

I’m not big on having a favorite movie or show but I do like superhero movies (marvel not d.c.) my favorite genres of movies are thrillers, action, horror, and some comedy.

The shows I’ve been watching are supernatural, the fosters, American horror story, and SpongeBob (yes SpongeBob bc it’s nostalgic for me and reminds me of a happier time)

I need more shows and movies to watch so if u have any good recommendations pls comment them below!! I also have been trying to find more lgbtq+ movies and shows too

My favorite season is fall and my favorite holiday is Halloween

That’s all I can think for right now but if u have anymore questions feel free to ask me anything:)

#lgbtq #ed not ed sheeran #queer #ask me literally anything #mentally fucked #disordered eating thoughts #lesbian #wlw

[irritatedcokezeroo]

other people my age are building meaningful relationships meanwhile i’m over here developing the b/p subtype of anorexia

#notprojustusingthetags #⭐️ve #🕯️as a feather #light as a 🪶 #i will reach my ugw #i wanna be tiny #i wanna lose weight #ed relapse #pro for me not for thee #ed not ed sheeran #ed not sheeren #tw ed but not sheeran #starv1ng #starv3 #st4rv1ng #⭐️ving #⭐️rving #⭐️vation goals #⭐️ ing motivation

[aly-eva-princess]

03/11/24

It's not even my 29th birthday yet.

And I am losing my shit. I usually freak the fuck out around my birthday. But I have been on a downward spiral since November last year.

I called all my doctors. And told them I no longer need services. I have decided to give up and lock myself in my home again. The Agoraphobia only eases up when I run outside in the dead of night.

So I wake up.

Eat candy.

Go on a run.

Get high.

Go back to sleep.

That's my day now. I can't manage doctor appointments, substance abuse treatment, trauma recovery services ect.

And I can't go into the hospital to feel safe either anymore. Because now when I show up. They just look at me and go 'Anorexia B/P' set up fluids and try to have me checked into an ED clinic.

BUT I NEED OTHER SERVICES TOO! I just don't have the energy to work on them. I....wonder if this is what my brother felt like before he killed himself? Was it just this long darkness that never got better. And he turned around and realized he was alone. Is that what he felt? Is that why he went to Walmart and brought a gun. Because it was too much to work on anything else?

I don't know.

I can't ask him.

I just don't know what to do.

I don't have anyone else to ask either.

My mom is gone too now.

I'm just.....Why the fuck am I here?

I'm too scared to kill myself.

Because it might get better.

But living is terrifying right now too.

So I lay in bed. High out of my mind. Listening to video games until I pass out.

This is not how I thought I would be ending my 20's. Then again, I had a warning coming 23 when I developed and ED and was homeless running across states. To avoid hospitalization I knew I was fucked.

I just didn't want to acknowledge it.

But!

It could get better one day.

I wanna be here for that.

#aly's journal