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daportalpractitioner · 4 months

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mommy's moon sign: a thread ☾ part two — libra thru pisces

if you're looking for part one (aries-virgo), then click here

libra moon: if your mom has a libra moon, she could have been more preoccupied with her relationship with your father rather than putting herself in a position to be focused on her pregnancy + preparing a balanced environment for you. libra moon mamas often go through it with the father of the baby if they prematurely decide to have kids outside of wedlock (we don't judge over here). your mom could have been more focused on the aesthetics of motherhood + also on you being able to have both parents under one roof to be able to fit her ideal family picture. this mentality could have led her to distract herself from the bigger picture which is making sure that she is in a healthy, fulfilling relationship with your father. i wouldn't be surprised if you knew more than you should have when it comes to your parents' relationship as a child. with libra being the sign of relationships, the relationship patterns that your mother exhibited when pregnant with you could have been something that you picked up on, whether it be healthy or unhealthy. beware of issues with co-dependency + people pleasing passed down from your mom as those are big themes that must be overcome in the life of a libra moon mama. libra moon mamas hold a lot of resentment due to being so passive about people overstepping their boundaries + could project that pain onto you if it remains undealt with. as her child, she may be triggered by her relationship with you because she sees you as her mirror. encourage her to have strong boundaries. it's okay for her to say no and she won't be hated for it. respect her decisions. be sure not to be the child that coddles her emotions at the end of the day because she is a grown ass woman, but you should affirm her that it is okay to self-validate without trying to over-rationalize however she feels so that she can move through her emotions + not be avoidant.

scorpio moon: the moon is in a debilitating position (fall) when in scorpio, therefore, it isn't uncommon for women to have a painful pregnancy due to all of the trauma being stored in the womb. your scorpio moon mama may have lived in a state of fear or distrust during her pregnancy + i wouldn't be surprised if she felt alone due to not trusting people. this lack of nurture within the womb was definitely passed down to you if she didn't take accountability to heal from the pain that she experienced. scorpio moon mama would kill to make sure that all your needs are met, but when it comes to handling intense emotions, she may have not known how to navigate those with you (similar to capricorn moon mothers). scorpio moons experience a wounded relationship with their own mother + now that it's their turn to be a mom, they want to be better for their children. motherhood is definitely something that transformed them for the better + they really have the make a conscious effort to not display the same patterns that hurt their inner child. be patient with her + even though you are not responsible for her emotions + how she handles them, provide a safe space for her so that she knows that she is not alone. having emotional boundaries with your mother is also important — not having those boundaries with her can manifest into perpetuating a preoccupied/anxious attachment within yourself.

sagittarius moon: sagittarius moon moms usually end up unexpectedly pregnant. i've noticed that a lot of sag moons are not aware of their cycle which can definitely be responsible for unexpected pregnancies. nonetheless, their pregnancy + motherhood is something they ended up being excited about. they could have had a "fuck it, we ball" mentality because realistically speaking, such is life. lack of preparation could have led to instability in your mother's life while she was pregnant + even after giving birth, bouncing around from place to place. sagittarius moon mamas usually have a youthful + humorous personality, being able to relate with their children + make them laugh. it can be hard to take a sagittarius moon mother seriously because they're usually deemed as the "cool moms" that are very lenient with their children. they can often struggle with disciplining their children because of their own free-spirit nature. if your mother didn't prioritize structure + routine while raising you, it's possible that you downloaded that naturally chaotic, fiery, and unpredictable energy that she also has. sagittarius moon mamas need to be able to teach their children that there are consequences to their actions so that their kids don't end up getting in trouble later on in life or even dangerous situations. hold your own mother accountable for her actions + don't be afraid to put her in her place! she has a lot to learn from her experience as a mother, which includes listening to the ones that she birthed.

capricorn moon: capricorn moon mothers usually have children later on in life (not always though) - either way, the universe granted them their babies when they were ready + prepared to take on this mission as a mother. before motherhood, capricorn moon mommies could have performed the motherly role in other ways (eldest sister, nursing/doctor/healer career, etc etc) so this is not their first rodeo. capricorn moons get a reputation for being cold + stern, which is how they may come across but really they are just not about the bullshit + they take their role as a mother very seriously. they recognize how serious motherhood is and therefore you are going to respect the fuck out of your capricorn mother, even if you don't agree with some of the things that she has tried to instill in you. capricorn moon mothers are focused on legacy + will do her best to make sure that she raises well-rounded children, setting them up for success. so if you have the kind of mother that has tried to shove education + career down your throat, it's because she just wants you to be successful. they also may struggle with being in their feminine energy, especially if your mother is the provider in the house so as her child, you should encourage her to do some therapeutic activities with you to ease some of that stress. though she takes her role as a mother very seriously, there is no denying how stressful the role is on her + can really take a toll on her physical body. if she's open to it because i know how traditional capricorn moons can be, i highly recommend going to therapy together in order to unpack + heal some of those deep seated emotional blockages that can really help to improve + strengthen the family unit.

aquarius moon: these are the unorthodox mothers. the mothers that have instilled confidence in their children from a very early age. your mother may have gotten pregnancy at an awkward time in her life, therefore she realized that she had to start getting real strategic around here to ensure success for this nu era in her life. with an aquarius moon mother, there may have been some distance between you two, whether it be physical or emotional distance. i've noticed that people with aquarius moon mothers were raised by their grandparents or were adopted + don't really know their mother like that (along with pisces moon mamas). if your mother was present throughout your entire upbringing, you may have noticed that she was preoccupied with other tasks such as showing up for her tasks in the real world. there could be strain between you and your mother because you may have felt like she could have paid more attention to you. regardless of how your relationship with your mother manifested, you more than likely came out to be very independent + confident enough to march to the beat of your own drum. these are the moms that started cursing in front of their kids since they were babies. because aquarius moon mamas are very independent themselves, you could have felt like your aquarius moon mama robbed you of your childhood because you too had to learn how to become independent + self-reliant from a young age, resulting in inner child wounds. because the relationship that you have with your mother is not like the traditional mother-child relationship, she can come off more like a friend or an older sister, also resulting in mother wounds because of that lack of motherly nurturance that the child craves + needs. learning to become emotionally vulnerable + transparent with your mother is a theme in order to evolve the relationship. validate where you feel like she may have lacked while also respecting the fact that she did the best that she knew how to. she needs you as someone to hold her ego accountable.

pisces moon: similar to the aqua moon mom, your mother may have been there, but also not "there". there could have been a period in your life where your mother was not physically present + you had to be raised by someone other than her (grandparents, foster care, aunts/uncles, etc). your mother may not have been in the most ideal situation when she got pregnant with you + pregnancy could have also been a karmic consequence for not listening to her intuition. regardless, when she knew she was pregnant, there was no way she could give up the opportunity to be a mother. if your mom was physically away from you, she was always there in spirit, praying for you + making sure that you are spiritually protected even if it's just by asking the powers that be to watch over you. like the other water moons, pisces moon mama may have had a traumatic relationship with their mother + may have transferred over that pain into the relationship that you've had with your mom. having a pisces moon mommy is not for the weak, especially if she didn't do her due diligence of karmic clean up, leaving it for you to take responsibility for. pisces moon mamas may also avoid the accountability + the responsibility of being a mother because the weight of motherhood is just too heavy, especially if she has lack of support, which often times they do. regardless of how your relationship is with mom, the energetic bond runs so deep as you are strongly karmically bound in order for certain karmic missions to be completed. definitely not the most reliable mom, but at the end of the day, it will forever be all love when it comes to her children. it's best to just accept her as is - whatever has transpired is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to do better for your own life.

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reiderwriter · 8 months

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The Thought of You Leaves Me Weak 🎰

Chapter 2 of That's What You Get

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Genre: Fluff, suggestive.

Word count: 4.8k

Summary: Pushing through your hangovers, you and Spencer retrace your steps from the night before to see if your shotgun Vegas marriage is legal - and find out some extra personal things along the way.

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, mentions of sex, author has a pronounced disinterest in the reality of getting an annulment for a Vegas wedding.

A/N: We're here! Part two! We're still stuck in Vegas for now, but they'll be back to their new normal soon, and now they have a time limit~ Thanks to everyone who liked, reblogged, commented on and signed up for the series taglist from my first post, I hope you all enjoy part two just as much!! Let me know what you think in the comments or over an ask, I'll be replying all weekend :) Here's the taglist link for anyone else who wants to sign up!

Requests are open as well, and you can find some more of my work in my masterlist.

After the initial shock wore off, and the hangover was left to permeate a bit, you and Spencer remembered you were actually FBI agents and had the ability to do something about your predicament.

“I should probably head off to my own room now,” you said pulling yourself out of Spencer’s arms. “Freshen up a bit before we head out to see what’s going on.”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” He nodded, then continued. “You know our first stop should probably be the Marriage License Bureau of Las Vegas. If we are legally married, we’d have had to have obtained a marriage licence between 8am and 12am yesterday, they don’t open later than that.”

“Sounds like a plan.” You nodded to him, “Would they even have served us the marriage licence if we were as intoxicated as I think we were?”

“This is Vegas, Y/N. All we’d need is a valid form of ID and to be willing, and we’d have to have been carrying the ID to get into the bars.” You raked a hand through your hair. Of course you had to get married in a shotgun ceremony in the only state where it probably didn’t matter what your alcohol intake had been.

“Well, we were obviously both willing.” You say, gesturing to the bed, and then curse yourself inwardly as you see the downturned look on Reid’s face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“No, it’s okay. You’re right, I wouldn’t have handcuffed you without at least verbal consent.” He replied, pulling a shirt on finally.

“Right,” you let that revelation sit between the two of you, as he turns his back, continuing to get himself ready for the rest of the day. If you were honest with yourself, you’d have admitted to always having an attraction to your coworker, but nothing you’d solidly act on. Yeah, he was beautiful, and you’d enjoyed joining in the teasing everytime Morgan had called him a pretty boy, because he was. But you’d never let your thoughts drift to what he might be like in bed, and now you were regretting that because you had nothing to base your theories of the last night on except that you’d woken up in handcuffs.

Really, if someone had asked you the question about what you could possibly expect from Spencer Reid in the bedroom, the furthest you’d be able to imagine was some incredibly professional, missionary sex. If you thought a little harder, you’d remember that the man had once highlighted his distinct lack of “alpha-male” qualities on a case once, so, really, if anyone was going to be locked up in handcuffs, surely it would’ve been him.

You try to shake that mental picture from your head, but doing so just aggravates your headache, so you have to sit with the image of Spencer Reid tying you up and making you beg.

“You okay, Y/N? You look a bit pale,” he looks a little bit concerned for you when he finally turns back, and you can only imagine the look on your face if you’re eliciting that much concern.

“Yeah, yeah, totally fine, nothing’s wrong. Why are you asking?” you stutter out.

“Because you said you were going to shower five minutes ago, and you haven’t really moved all that much in that time.” You curse yourself again, and you force yourself out of your head.

“Oh! Yeah!” you move off towards the door, grabbing everything you’ve left in a trail to the door, retracing your steps from the night before. “I’ll meet you in the lobby in like twenty minutes?” You didn’t even wait for his reply before pushing the door open and sprinting to your room, not even caring that you hadn’t put your shoes on.

–X–

If you couldn’t be trusted to make simple choices when drunk, such as the choice to not be married to your coworker, you probably also couldn’t be trusted to make simple choices when hungover, such as a place to meet your now husband where the rest of your friends wouldn’t see you in your post-sex haze from the night before.

Which is how you found yourself cowering behind a plant in the lobby desperate to avoid being spotted by Agents Rossi and Hotchner who apparently were up and in suits for some godforsaken reason. You tried to get Reid on the phone, but he wasn’t picking up, and you had a flash of him asking you how to put his phone on silent mode from the night before hit you like a tonne of bricks.

“Shit, shit.” Nothing else useful came out of you though, so behind the plant you were waiting for them to approach the elevators so you could continue as planned. While you were in the bathroom, you’d finally noticed the blooming bruises running up the length of your neck, and you found yourself slightly impressed by Reid once again.

He’d managed to tie you up but still pay that much attention to you, and you were equal parts cursing him and desperately hoping the memories would come back to see just what other secrets he was hiding behind that unassuming frame. With the lack of contraception, you really couldn’t be sure that the two of you had had sex in the traditional sense, but you certainly seemed to have had some fun last night, and not being able to remember drove you insane.

Thankfully, the two agents made their way to the elevator without noticing you, and you let out a breath of relief as soon as the elevator dinged, ready to take them as far away from you as you needed. Unfortunately, once again, anytime fate dealt you one good hand, it followed it up with the worst ever, and as the elevator doors opened, there was Reid. You made a mental note to check your bank balance after this, sure that if you had ended up gambling with Reid, you’d most likely bankrupted yourself with this luck.

“Reid, good morning,” Hotch greeted him, and even from your unconventional perch, you could hear the panic in the younger man's voice as he began struggling for excuses to answer questions that hadn’t even been asked yet.

“Hotchner, Rossi, what are you doing here? Well I know what you’re doing here, you’re waiting for an elevator, and I know what you’re doing in the hotel because we’re all here in the hotel, but I mean what are you doing? In general?” It was almost as if he were asking himself that question at the end, trying to work out why the words were even leaving his mouth.

You couldn’t swoop in and save him without the others seeing your new necklace of hickeys and handprints, so you just had to watch him combust adorably in front of the two seasoned FBI Agents.

“Calm down, kid, don’t pull a muscle in that brain of yours, it’s a highly valuable FBI asset.” Rossi joked with him as they switched places, Rossi and Hotch going into the elevator and Reid slinking out.

“Dave and I just finished breakfast. I’m afraid you may have just missed it, Spencer, but there’s a buffet on the third floor that’s supposedly open all day.” Hotch said.

“Actually, I think food isn’t a great idea for me right now.”

“Oh, wild night, kid? No, wait, let me guess, you tracked down a Star Wars convention?”

“I’m more of a fan of Star Trek myself, you know the technology they appeared to have on screen in the show is really fascinating in that it’s-”

“Oh, how unfortunate, door’s closing. See you later, kid.” You breathed a sigh of relief as you watched the elevator climb up to the higher floors of the accommodation and left your perching spot.

“Spencer, over here.” You waved to him a little, and he turned to the sound of your voice, visually relaxing the moment he set his eyes on you.

“You don’t think they noticed I’m acting weird, right?”

“Reid, everytime you mention anything remotely pop-culture-y to Rossi he does his best to erase the conversation from his brain, okay? And Hotch looks like he hasn't slept in a decade. I’m sure they didn’t notice anything.”

“What? I thought Rossi loved our talks, he always says that I’m a riveting conversationalist.”

You just nodded along with him and patted his arm pitifully, leading him out of the lobby and into the waiting streets of Las Vegas, Nevada.

–X–

Twenty minutes later, you were sitting outside of the Marriage License Bureau, waiting to see if your fate was sealed.

“Okay, so what’s our strategy?” you asked, removing your seatbelt and moved to open your door, jumping out of the SUV you’d commandeered from the parking garage.

“Strategy? Why do we need a strategy?” Reid joined you quickly, exiting from the passenger side, satchel in hand.

“Well, I mean, what are we going to ask them, what are we going to do when we’ve found out if this is real or a hoax or not.”

“Y/N, I think you’re overthinking this. This is Nevada, I’m sure they’re used to any questions we might have.” You took a deep breath looking at the doors of the building and tried to rationalise your thoughts. You were going to be fine, it’s just a marriage, nothing too big.

Pushing the doors open, you were floored by the sheer amount of couples on the premises.

“Shit.” You’d cursed more in the last four hours than you had in the last year, almost beginning to worry that it was becoming a habit.

“Please take a number and wait for your turn to be called, our current waiting time is three and a half hours. If you leave the premises at any point, your place will be forfeited,” a bored looking worker with a small microphone called over the crowd as you entered.

“Hi, sorry, is there a help desk of some kind?” you approached and asked her, a sinking feeling growing in your gut. “We just need to see if our wedding licence is valid.”

“Then please take a ticket, and we’ll see you soon.” The other woman replied, frustratingly monotone.

“No, you don’t understand, we’re leaving the state in three hours, we can’t just sit around, we need answers now, legal advice, something.”

“I’m sorry ma’am, but if you continue to speak to our staff members in that aggressive way, I’m going to have to ask you to leave the premises,” another member of staff now joined the first.

“Aggressive? I am not aggressive,” you said but you could hear the agitation in your own voice, and the tightness in your shoulders.

“What she means to say,” said Reid from behind you, dropping a comforting hand on your shoulder. “Is that we are FBI agents, leaving town on another case soon, and we would really appreciate your cooperation? I have our marriage licence here. If you could just look over it, it’d only take a few seconds of your time.” The tension rolled off of you in waves, and you melted into his touch as he gladly stepped up to continue your communication.

“Okay, yeah, that definitely seems like a legit licence. You FBI agents, you say?” the first woman questions you, and not trusting yourself not to reply passive aggressively and ruin her cooperative mood, you bite your tongue and just nod.

“My coworker who worked the graveyard shift yesterday mentioned we had a few of you come through. Congratulations on your marriage.” She handed the licence back to you and the pit in the bottom of your stomach grew.

“Is your colleague still here? We just had a few questions about some logistics. We’re out of state, you know?” Reid smiled and you were so thankful for him, for the comforting hand he’d trailed down your shoulder and rested at the small of your back as you stood fidgeting next to him. It took you a minute to realise you were playing with your new wedding ring, already so used to it being there on your finger that you hardly noticed its presence.

“Her next shift starts at 12, but if you’re as desperate for information as I think you are, I’ll have her come see you when she comes in. She’s usually five minutes early anyways.” Reid thanked the woman, and fifteen minutes later, a younger woman with a bright smile was greeting you in the lobby and leading you to a private room in the back.

“Doctor and Mrs. Reid, welcome back! Sandy said you had some follow up questions after yesterday?” she greeted you, and your head started pounding again.

“You remember us?” Reid asked, the confusion knitting his brow as he walked ahead of you.

“I don’t tend to forget husbands as handsome and romantic as you, Doctor.” Something flared in your gut then, anger or protectiveness, but it felt green and red, and you pulled Reid’s hand into your own as she guided you to sit at the table at the far side of the room.

“We’re looking to fill in some gaps in our memory from last night,” you spoke, now not caring to hold back any annoyance in your voice. This woman had written out your marriage licence and yet here she was flirting with your husband. With your Reid. With Reid. Again, the curses jumped to your tongue.

“Ah, I see. One of those.” She shot a smile at Reid, and you shot a look at him as well, but he looked oblivious at her interest and you caught yourself letting out a sigh of relief before turning back to the woman.

“You didn’t realise we were drunk?” you asked her.

“Oh no, we realised. We just assumed you were finally taking the plunge after everything you said. And everything you did, too.”

“Everything we did?” you pushed out, your voice ten times higher than usual. You coughed to make it seem like your throat was just dry, not also housing your entire heart.

“You don’t remember? You two looked so in love. You were all over each other, kissing, touching, whispering and giggling. Honestly, it was just nice to have a couple in love here at 11pm that weren’t trying to have sex in the waiting area.” The blush crept up your neck, and you tried your best to force it back down. Obviously, it didn’t work.

You were about to ask another question, probably about how you would go about getting an annulment, when she finally continued.

“And then when you got the licence you were so happy and you called your friends to come and celebrate with you. You asked for the nearest chapel and we have all that information out in the hall and you said your friends were going to come meet you, so you took off.” She shrugged a little, taking a swig from her coffee. You couldn’t help but feel that even after all of that, she was still eyeing up Spencer, so you squeezed his hand a little bit harder at that, your other hand gravitating to his bicep too, your entire body leaning into his.

“Friends?” Spencer was the first one to wake up to that statement, and your agitation reached its peak.

“Yeah, the two teammates you mentioned. You told everyone they were meeting you at the chapel, that you’d all been here working a case and they were the two that responded to your calls that night.”

“Did we mention any names?” you asked.

“No, just that they were FBI Agents. Is there something wrong?”

–X–

You threw the doors of the building open as you gasped for air, the panic fully setting in now.

“Y/N, wait,” Spencer yelled after you, following you onto the pavement. You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes as you tugged on your hair, mindlessly fretting with it, unconscious to the pain. He finally reached you and pulled your hands into his, forcing you to look up into his eyes.

“Y/N, it’s fine. We’re going to be fine.” He soothed you quickly, and you hiccuped through the small sobs you were now letting out.

“Spencer, two of our friends know that we got married last night, and we don’t know who or how much they know, and now we know that our marriage is legal and you’re stuck with me and I got us into all this mess because I’m an adult who doesn’t want to tell her mom to back off.” By the end of your speech he was cradling your head in his hands, as your tears flowed down your face in messy trails.

“Hey, look at me. You told me this morning that this was not my fault, and I’m telling you now that that doesn't mean it's yours. We’re in this together, okay?” he waited for you to nod before continuing. “Besides, no matter who it was, our team mates love us. They’ll understand.”

“What if we get reassigned? This is a conflict of interests, right, me and you working together like this?” You’d worked so hard to be accepted into the BAU, you didn’t want to let this be your exit, and you sure as hell weren’t letting them fire Spencer for it.

“We’ll talk to Hotch and Rossi, they don't want to lose either of us, and if we get this dealt with quick enough, maybe we won't even have to report it. We could keep it quiet for a while, right?” You knew all of his words made sense, they were the best course of action for the two of you. He’d probably run all of the scenarios through his head while you showered this morning, which is why he was so level-headed. But there was a discomfort that you just couldn’t shake.

“You mean we could get this…annulled?” you asked cautiously, looking into his eyes to gauge his reaction.

“If you want, we can walk right back in there and have it done soon, I’m sure that employee would help us, she seemed friendly-”

“No.” You practically shouted, not wanting to come face to face with that woman again, and watch her flirt with Reid as he signed the annulment paperwork. “I mean, there’s no time, right? We should probably head to the chapel to figure out who our witnesses are and then we’re heading back to Quantico.” You did to rationalise your decision, praying that the jealousy (jealousy?) that you felt didn’t show in your voice or face.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. Well, we have 21 days from now to file, before the annulment period passes and we’re looking at divorce, which is not favourable for either of us, but we can file from out of state.” You nodded along with his words, glad for the lack of questioning, and that he didn’t clock the hopeful glint to your eye.

“Okay, great. Yeah.” You had calmed down enough now for your proximity to become awkward, and Reid noticed as soon as you did, pulling his hands away from you and taking a step back. Maybe it was the hangover, or just the overwhelming series of emotions you’d been through successively, but it felt wrong suddenly having him so far from you. Shaking it off, you grabbed your keys out of your pocket.

“She said we picked up the information about the chapel from the lobby, right? Can we narrow down which one it is with the photo?” You suggested, suddenly not able to meet his eyes.

“Oh, right, yeah. We’d have had to have been able to get there on foot, too. I’ll go and ask them if they recognise which one it is,” he made to move back in, but you shouted a resounding ‘no’ before he could take another step.

“I’ll do it! I should probably apologise for earlier anyway, right?” you chuckled awkwardly, pushing the doors open and leaving him behind with that confused look set against his skin once again.

–X–

“I’m telling you, we delete the footage from the previous day at noon, I can’t help you.” You’d tracked down the chapel pretty quickly despite all of your options, and now found yourself arguing with a pretty lackluster Elvis impersonator, desperate to figure out any more details about the night before.

“What about staff members that could verify? We just need a vague description.”

“Everyone’s a part-timer here, lady. The people on shift today won't be back for another two days or so. Come back then, okay?” He showed you to the door then, and if you hadn’t gotten drunk and married in Vegas the night before, this would certainly have been your lowest moment.

“Nothing?” Reid asked from his perch on the car.

“They delete the security footage.” You signed in frustration, and he showed a sympathetic smile on his face.

“How do you want to play it, then?” he asked. “Two of them are already going to know, should we just come clean to the entire team, see if they could help?”

“No, god no. As much as it’s my current reality, I don’t really want to have to respond to Mrs. Reid until Morgan gets new material, and no one’s going to be this easy of a target any time soon.”

“Technically speaking, you’d have to apply for a legal name change to become Mrs. Reid, usually couples do it a few days either side of the wedding and start the process of updating all their legal IDs so they can travel internationally for honeymoons without anyone asking questions.”

“Not the point, Reid.”

“And I knew that. Sorry.” It was hard to stay annoyed at him with that small smile stretched across his lips, and you suddenly found yourself wondering just exactly how he'd felt against you.

You’d kissed at the chapel, at the wedding licence office, in his hotel room, and you couldn’t for the life of you remember if you’d been the one to lean in first, or if it’d been him, or if it’d been both of you and what that meant. Did he like you, did you subconsciously want him in this way? Did this even mean anything? And what had those handcuffs been about?

He couldn’t answer most of those questions, and honestly, you weren’t sure you wanted the answers, but it’d been a day of awkward conversations, so you thought you might as well let your curiosity rule you for a few more minutes.

“Spencer, would you mind me asking a personal question?”

“Sure, we are married now. Don’t they say that the number one thing to remember in marriage is communication?” He tried to joke, but you couldn’t laugh as you got ready to spit some of the most horrific words you’d ever strung together out.

“Spencer, do you…do you often use handcuffs? In bed, I mean?” you were bright red, stood outside a 24 hour wedding chapel in the heart of Vegas and you couldn’t believe this was your life.

“Oh.” He was the same shade of red as you, and he stuttered through his next few incoherent words before you found his reply.

“I’ve not done it with the handcuffs before, but I guess I’ve…thought about it? It’s definitely in line with my… Do we have to do this here?”

“Would you rather talk about this on the jet?”

“Do we have to do this at all?” He groaned, shutting his eyes and you could feel the horror at his own actions spreading through his body.

“We are married now. Communication is key, remember?” He sighed and acquiesced, running a hand through his hair before turning back to you and forcing the words out.

“I know you probably didn’t think this about me before, but I am pretty controlling in bed. I don’t like feeling… hopeless, and it just manifests as dominance, okay? It’s been a while since I had a partner though, so the handcuffs were new to me, but I’ve tied girls up before. Now can we stop this conversation here before someone on this very public street hears us?”

“Okay, yeah sure. That actually makes a lot of sense really.” You said, nodding and moving to get into the car. You tried to keep your thoughts to yourself, knowing that the knowledge of his preferences was going to plague your dreams for the next few nights.

“You don’t have to lie, Y/N, I know I don’t seem like the type.” He got into the passenger side next to you, and you ignored looking at him in the mirrors desperately as you started the engine and made your way back to the hotel.

“No, I mean it makes sense that it happened to us. I don’t think we would’ve ended up in bed together if we weren’t so… compatible.” You let the silence sit between you as you let him take in your words, driving to the orchestra of midday strip traffic.

“Oh.” He said. “Oooh.” He finally caught on, and you felt your head turning in his direction, but you forced it back towards the road, convincing yourself that you really didn’t need to see his reaction, to study his expressions.

“Well, at least we know that we both enjoyed it then.” You weren’t sure if he was just oblivious, or trying to get a reaction from you, but nonetheless, your heart clenched at that, excitement rising in your stomach.

You convinced yourself that it was probably just the alcohol, and drove in silence back to the hotel, ready for your departure.

--X--

🏷️ @w-windyy @multifandom-on-the-side @reidandhotchsgirl @babybluecakes @bluecandycake @hugyourlungs @prentissesredtanktop @reidscaffeine @bethanyhaas01 @average-sunflower @academiareid @sailortongue @lover-of-books-and-tea @star0055 @daddy-dotcom @zaapsite @high-functioning-cosplayer @anniewhalelover @abbyshmaby @isabel-ffl-xoxo @sujan39 @frxcless @bluestuesday @busy-buzzing @breadbrobin @maxinehufflepuffprincess @l0v3cam @booksandwonderlands @myescapefromthislife @kat453 @ferrjulie @kapeyama @scoobydoopoo @aelinismyqueen @littlesingingbean @jamiemuscatosslut @sharkcat1928 @xohoneybun @anchovy89freya @dysphoricsanity @alyssaxstan @ghostheartbeat @zada-quinn @beguiling3lavender @Casss2111 @zatannas-wand @rebloggiest-reblogger @wishyoudaskme @imawhoreforu @kspencer34 @academiacoffeelover @softservepunk

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celtic-crossbow · 3 months

Text

Series Masterlist

Blood Ties Chapter 15

Warnings: Typical TWD violence and gore; vomiting; pregnancy; pregnancy complications; allusions to child abuse. A/N: This chapter is a little shorter than most of the others but I’m actually super content with it. I’ve altered Daryl’s idiolect to somewhere I feel a little more comfortable. I hope it still stays true to the character. Lots of feels. Buckle up. *Click here to be added to taglists.

Apparently, sleep had been in the cards for you after all. There were four things you noticed immediately upon waking.

Firstly, there was a comforting ache between your legs that reminded you of the events of the previous night. You could still feel Daryl’s bare skin against yours, sweat-slick and new. You were aware he didn’t give that part of himself easily. You felt privileged. Your newfound revelation of your love for him felt validated. Still, you urged your mind onward.

Secondly, Daryl was nowhere to be seen, along with Rick, Glenn, and Maggie. They must have left for the run already. You fought against the disappointment of not being able to see the archer before he’d gone. He wouldn’t have woken you. You knew that, but that did little to settle the discontentment of not seeing him off.

Thirdly, a warmth was secured around your upper half in the form of one of Daryl’s button-up shirts. You chuckled quietly, considering how the gesture was one that was likely born out of concern and consideration but allowed yourself to entertain that it could have more than that. A desire to protect you and his child, ensure your comfort, as if wrapping you in something of his somehow marked you as off limits.

And finally, you had to pee. The basic bodily function had been enough of an inconvenience before a small weight had been added above your bladder. Now, it appeared that your life was nothing outside of eating, vomiting, crying, and urinating. You were still trying to discern where the beautiful part of pregnancy might be hiding.

“Good morning.”

You sat up slowly, rubbing the sleep from your eyes before waiting as they focused on Carol. You returned the greeting while stretching, your muscles giving up their sleep-induced stiffness.

“Not much to eat but I saved you some beans. Are you hungry?”

You shook your head while, at the same time, scratching your blunt nails over your scalp. “I really need to pee though.” You eased Daryl’s shirt away from where it had pooled, folding it into a square on your lap. There was a brief chuckle from Carol that had you looking up quizzically.

“I wish you could have seen him making sure you were okay before he left.” Your cheeks reddened, heat rising all the way to your ears. “Come on, I’ll walk with you.” The woman held out a hand. You took it and pulled yourself up, the warmth in your skin beginning to fade. As an afterthought, you grabbed Daryl’s shirt and unfolded it. It fit loosely over your flannel and shirt, providing a little more warmth against the morning chill.

“I hope they are able to find more clothes. The wind cuts right through these damn pants.” You weren’t really intending to make conversation during the walk just inside the treeline but the silence after she had confirmed Daryl’s softness toward you had felt overbearing.

“It was probably even colder without them.”

It took a minute for her words to sink in and then you stopped, feigning confusion even after the hint of pink covering your face surely gave you away. “What are you talking about?”

Carol laughed, a quiet sound, and stepped forward to barely move aside the three layers over your collarbone. “He left a reminder for you.” You really were confused for a moment before you were presented with the pleasant memory of his teeth clamping down above your collarbone and the intense orgasm that followed.

“How do you know it wasn’t a walker?” You knew your attempt would be fruitless and cringed at the absurdity of your question. There was a relief when she didn’t even embarrass you further by answering. “Don’t tell anyone?”

“I didn’t tell them you were pregnant. I won’t tell them you’re sleeping with your baby’s father.” Carol grinned at your expression, reaching out to squeeze your shoulder. “I’ll wait here.”

You were dry heaving against the far end of the wall when you heard the roar of Daryl’s motorcycle signal the group’s return. Carol had finally insisted you try to eat something and you conceded, barely finishing the last bite before scrambling away from the fire to vomit only a few feet away. After that, it was a losing battle that you didn’t have the energy to fight.

“Y’okay?”

Smiling through bouts of retching had not been on your bingo card for the year, but there you were. His warm hand came to rest against your spine. You sagged with a sigh, barely holding yourself up.

“Yeah.” Your voice was rough. Clearing your throat, you sat back on your heels and tried again. “Yeah, I’m okay.” The back of your hand rubbed across your mouth to wipe away traces of saliva before you allowed yourself to look at him. “Jesus, Daryl!” The archer was covered in grime and guts, a darkening bruise on his right cheekbone and a still weeping cut above his left eyebrow.

“M’fine. Ran into some trouble. Handled it.”

When your hand reached for his chin, he didn’t shy away, letting you turn his head one way and then the other. “Looks more like it handled you.” The archer scoffed and swatted at your arm. With a sigh, you braced yourself on shaky arms to force yourself up, caught off guard by his fingers pinching the three fabrics that covered you to pull them aside like Carol had earlier. You didn’t expect to see such a deep frown when you brought your attention to his face.

Pursing your lips, you sat back down and pulled down the collar of his undershirt, relieved that he had taped gauze over the wound you had opened on him. “I think I win, tiger. Besides, it doesn’t even hurt.”

“Don’ make it alright.”

You shrugged. “It does if I liked it.” You were hoping that would bring him some calm but that endeavor was cut short when you lurched to the side to once again heave futility. Daryl would find no protest when he scooped you up after you’d finished, saving you the journey back to the fireside.

Your feet touched the ground just as everyone came into view. Did he not want them to see him carrying you?

“Uh, here.” The archer’s fingers shook as he gently lifted your wrist and began to fit some sort of bracelet on it. “Couldn’t find the meds. M’sorry. Tried like hell. Turned that place upside down.” He looked so disappointed in himself.

You examined the piece, a light pink band with symmetrically placed metal circles that fit snug, but not painfully so, against your skin. It was a strange piece of jewelry. “It’s pretty.” You stated honestly, not really knowing what you were supposed to say. The gift was appreciated and you liked it in all its uniqueness. It was just that Daryl offering you an apology in the form of a gift was new, for lack of a better term.

The bowman snorted. “S’posed to use pressure points to help keep ya from feelin’ so sick.”

Somehow, that meant even more than an apology. He couldn’t find what you needed so he searched out an alternative. You were almost willing to bet that’s why he looked roughed up compared to the mere dirt and walker guts you could make out on the other three.

“Ain’t gonna stop lookin’ though. M’a find that medicine for ya.”

You smiled at him, heartfelt and genuine. “You’ll find it and Thumper’ll be just fine.”

“Ain’t just…” Daryl trailed off, scratching at the back of head while not meeting your eyes. “Ain’t just ‘bout the kid, y’know.” You blinked, your eyes filling. Though some of his actions had hinted at it, hearing him say it was something else entirely.

“Daryl, I—”

“Y/N!” Maggie was beaming at you while jogging over, immediately wrapping a soft hand around your forearm. “Come see!” She encouraged, all teeth and bright eyes. You glanced back to find Daryl already disappearing into the dark, the moment clearly over.

You let yourself mourn it even as you plastered on a smile and turned back to allow her to lead you to the others. A short distance from the fire, a plethora of items were littered across a blanket. The eldest Greene daughter had already relinquished her hold and knelt above the supplies.

“What is all this?”

“Well,” Glenn chuckled from beside Maggie. “Daryl had a list. We searched for medicine and clothes and food but that guy was in full dad mode.” Your heart fluttered but you continued to listen. “He had all this loaded by the time we came out with the other stuff.”

“We couldn’t find the meds though. Not yet but we’re going to stop in other places. We did find some IV bags and tubing though!” Her big eyes flitted down to the bracelet you were toying with unconsciously. “He went back in for those.” Maggie’s expression was incredibly soft. “We heard some other people. And there were walkers. We were loading the last of everything and he was just gone.”

“Looked like hell when he came out but had a bag of about ten of those things.” Glenn gestured to your wrist. “He didn’t know if they expired and really, we didn’t know what they were but he did. He said you might need them for a while after the baby comes.”

You were on the verge of tears, your hand closing around the contraption Daryl had fought so hard to secure. Maggie was already showing you clothing she had acquired, mentioning that you and Lori would need them. There were boots and sneakers, a size larger than you usually wore. Bras, only regular ones. Nursing bras were a no-go but it would be a while before you needed those. They found few actual maternity items but things in larger sizes and some men’s items that could be used.

“And then all this stuff Daryl grabbed. He said he didn’t know if he’d ever find it all again so he took all he could.” Rick had remained quiet up to that point, refusing to meet Lori’s eyes as he spoke. Definitely trouble in that paradise.

The blanket held things you weren’t even sure about. Maggie explained the manual breast pump. There were bottles, nipples, pacifiers, orajel, one container of infant Tylenol, a container of infant gas relief drops, two packs of newborn diapers, three packs of wipes, several baby blankets, three healthcare kits, some clothes that were just so, so tiny. You were simply overwhelmed. Daryl, the provider for the group, had ventured off alone to find all he could think of for the baby, leaving the others to find supplies for the here and now.

“How are we gonna haul all of this if something happens to the cars?” You bit down on your lip after speaking, still fighting the sting in your eyes.

“I guess he thought of that too.” Glenn jerked his head to the right where several backpacks were piled up. “He said between all of us, we can keep everything here as well as any supplies the adults need.” It went unsaid how you all held onto hope that you’d have a safe place to stay by then.

“Wow. How many places did you clear?”

“Four.” The young man answered immediately. “Dude had an agenda. He wasn’t coming back until he had everything on his list.”

“Oh! Here!” Maggie grabbed a thick winter coat and held it out. “He said you needed this. It was one of the things he refused to come back without.”

You were still stunned, swallowing it down behind feigned delight. “Okay, gimme some of those clothes.”

Daryl was leaning against a tree when you found him. You were in much warmer clothes and bundled deep inside the warm jacket that left plenty of room for the belly you’d be sporting soon enough.

“Hey.” You greeted. He didn’t turn but grunted in reply. “Thanks for this.” You watched his eyes slide over when you gestured to the coat.

“Warm enough?”

“I feel like I am legitimately baking a bun in the oven.” You smiled brightly when he deadpanned at you with a mumbled stop. “Seriously, though. Thank you. For this” you pulled up your sleeves to show him the anti-nausea bracelet, “and for this.”

He glanced over but then back out to the quiet wooded area. “It workin’?”

You shrugged. “I threw up lunch but then I’ve kept water down so far.” His blue eyes finally turned to you and studied, sliding down and back, before he jerked his chin up in a nod and looked away yet again. Something was bothering him. That much was obvious. “Are you okay?”

“Mhm.” Daryl reached for the bag at his feet, pulling out a carton of cigarettes. He opened one end and pulled a pack free before dropping the box back into the bag. You could hear the plastic tear and the flick of the zippo but your eyes were on something else.

Breaking the Cycle of Abuse: How to Move Beyond Your Past to Create an Abuse-free Future

You didn’t notice him move until he was zipping the bag with more force than necessary, moving it out of your sight as if you had X-ray vision.

“You won’t be like them.” You didn’t know who had hurt him. Though he’d allowed you to see him without the thin armor of his shirt, he hadn’t offered any information. Not that there had been time. He sent you off to bed, took watch alone, and he was already gone before you even woke up.

He took a long drag off the cigarette. “Don’t act like ya know anythin’ ‘bout it.” He stated evenly, smoke flowing from his mouth behind every word. It was difficult but you didn’t let his words sting.

“I really don’t. My daddy was amazing. My mom wasn’t a monster. She was just…weak. Never had a boyfriend hit me or anything.” A hand came to rest on his shoulder but he shrugged it off. “But I can listen if you want to talk about it.”

“ Nah. Ain’t needin’ my head shrunk.”

You noticed immediately that he gave no indication as to any of the people you mentioned being the one in his life to hurt him. There was so much you didn’t know about Daryl. So much he didn’t know about you. If one of you died after the baby came, how could the other possibly tell the story of the other parent with so many missing pieces.

“Daryl?”

“What?” The archer didn’t snap at you but there was an underlying annoyance that you couldn’t miss if you tried.

You sighed. “Nothing.” Tell me everything. “I think there should be food ready if we head back now. Corned beef hash, if I read the can correctly.” What are we?

“Ain’t hungry but you g’on. Ya need to eat. Need the food just s’much as the baby does.” It was a valiant but failed effort to offer you his portion of the meal.

“You need it too.” Daryl looked so tired but it wasn’t just physical exhaustion. He had been racking his brain for anything that could make your life easier now and after the birth. A break was necessary. “And you need to sleep.”

“Said I ain’t hungry. Ain’t tired neither.”

“Bullshit.” Your patience was wearing thin, whether from hormones or just the simple grating of his petulance on your last nerve. “Not gonna beg you. Do what you want but I would feel a hell of a lot better if you’d take as much care of yourself as you try to for me and the baby.” You made a show of stomping away, hoping that he’d see how he was affecting you.

The warmth of the fire began warming you within the coat before you had fully reached it. Carol was already filling a bowl for you and holding it out by the time you sat down. “Thank you.” The woman smiled and nodded, returning her focus to her own helping. You took a moment to regard the state of your stomach. It was uneasy, but only slightly. The abundant smells of food, burning wood, and a hint of body odor from close proximity weren’t making it worse. You decided to take the risk and shoveled a bite into your mouth.

You had managed less than a third of the bowl when Daryl emerged from the shadows, nodding at Rick when they passed one another, the latter taking up watch with his bowl in hand. The hunter’s crossbow was placed on the ground before he took a seat next to you, your shoulders nearly touching. It was a gesture of vulnerability that the group either didn’t pick up on or didn’t care enough to acknowledge. But you did.

Your bowl was placed in front of your criss-crossed legs so you could reach out and silently beckon Carol to fill another. Nodding your thanks, you offered it to Daryl, smiling in the face of his sneer. He wasn’t unaffected by your blatant desire to care for him, his distaste evident but not aggressive. He accepted the food and wasted no time before digging in, visibly forcing himself not to inhale the meal.

He had been hungry. An invisible force squeezed your heart. He was already making sacrifices for his family, regardless of wherever it was the two of you stood. He was choosing you as a priority, eager for your health and comfort at the cost of his own. You’d have to watch him or he’d run himself into the ground.

There wasn’t much left after a single serving for everyone but it was an unspoken agreement that what remained would be for you, Lori, or Carl. You managed to make it through most of your own serving, adding a little more on top while leaving enough for the kid and his mom to split the rest. You forced another two bites to at least support the appearance of initially wanting more. You hadn’t. You did want the archer to have more. He was careful to conceal it but you knew without asking that he had either trimmed his own portions of the few meals the group had managed or turned it down all together. And that simply wouldn’t do.

You maneuvered your bowl above his in preparation to rake what you hadn’t eaten on top of what he was still working through. He pulled back, brow furrowed. “Eyes were bigger than my appetite.” You shrugged.

“Give it to one’a them.” Daryl jerked his chin across the fire, holding your gaze while taking another bite.

“There’s enough left for them. I want you to have this.” The tension that followed was brief. He gave in rather easily, offering his bowl with a heaved sigh. You didn’t gloat and spooned the rest out for him. “Thank you.” He replied with a grunt that really could have been interpreted as a growl.

A promise was made to Carol to help her clean the mismatched bowls in the morning. You were tired; slightly nauseated and, for once, eager to close your eyes. Still, something bothered you.

During dinner, you noticed the fine, almost imperceptible shivering. Despite his natural ability to act as a human space heater, Daryl was cold. He wore only his vest, long sleeve button up, and a tank top beneath. You pushed to your feet, feeling his eyes follow you. The supplies had been separated and placed into different backpacks, forcing you to go through three of them to find the blankets. Some were small receiving blankets while others were thick, large fabrics. You grabbed two of those and then one of the blankets for the adults. Those were limited to one per person, having been hard to find.

You returned to his side without a word. The largest blanket was soon spread over the ground. You hoped he would take the hint and share the blanket, sparing him from the cold forest floor.

Daring to push your luck, you took one of the larger baby blankets and spread it over his shoulders. Daryl tensed with a spoonful of food hovering just over the bowl, trembling so hard that clumps were falling back into the bowl. You watched his eyes dart from person to person, lingering on Carol as she smiled around her spoon. She kept her eyes straight ahead but had obviously seen your actions.

The archer deflated slightly, pushing what remained on the utensil past his lips. You sat down on the edge of the blanket, leaving ample room for him to just shift over and lie down if he wanted. You, on the other hand, nearly collapsed onto your back before rolling onto your side to grab the other blanket. Your torso was warm under the jacket but the chill of the night air was still biting at your legs. Making sure they were adequately covered, you used one arm as a pillow, not even trying to fight the heavy call of sleep.

In the haze of exhaustion, you faintly registered the warm body against your back and the gentle squeeze of a hand on your hip.

The weather only became colder as the days wore on. The dead moved slower but in groups that grew larger, desperately in search of living flesh. There hadn’t been a single living soul in three weeks. Everyone had moved on. And that meant that every stop had been cleaned out of anything useful. Anything vital to survival.

Hershel did what he could to ensure that you and the baby remained as healthy as possible. Without the proper equipment, there was little he could do beyond checking your pulse, taking approximate measurements of your stomach. You took the meds when Daryl could find them; changed the bracelet when the one you wore didn’t seem to be as effective. Hershel would administer IV fluids as often as he dared while in constant motion to stay ahead of the gathering herds. At times you wondered if you or the baby would even survive after all.

At twenty one weeks, you had most definitely— as Lori had put it — “popped.” While malnutrition and the complications you suffered ensured you struggled to maintain any sort of healthy weight, the small roundness of your abdomen remained prominent. Despite Daryl's protests, you continued to ride behind him on the bike, the bump pressed against his back, the only time you felt like you could offer any true safety for your baby. Protected by their father from the weather, the walkers.

From the world.

The current stop saw you vomiting beside the porch of the home the group was searching. Daryl was with you, quiet, one hand on your back and the other holding any hair away from your face.

“Doc should give ya some’a them fluids.” His suggestion came quietly against your ear after you sagged against him.

“Maybe at the next stop.” That was always your reply. Even when the archer had to pull the bike off the road for you to retch and heave. “Maybe at the next stop.”

You didn’t want to be the reason the group was held up. You continued to hold on until your legs buckled and your head clouded, always waking up with tubing in your arm and a worried bowman’s face hovering over yours.

This was most likely going to be one of those times. You angled your head to look at him, his tired gaze on the front of your coat. The large size ensured the swell remained hidden. You both preferred it that way. If you ran into any hostile living, it wouldn’t be something that could be used as leverage.

“How ‘bout this stop?” It wasn’t a request. Still, the command was strained at best. Daryl looked exhausted and drawn, years older than just two weeks before.

There was still nothing defined about what the two of you had. He slept behind you at night, putting himself between you and any possible entrance, the curves of his body fitting into yours. His hand never ventured past where your hip met your stomach. There had been nothing sexual since the first night on the road, not even a kiss.

The two of you never discussed where you stood. It was as if you just were. Together but not. Maybe he never wanted to discuss it because he was afraid of how badly he felt he was failing you. How he felt he was a terrible father before the kid had even taken their first breath. The times you had tried to reassure him, he had snatched up his crossbow and skulked away to hunt, a quiet bark of watch her to Carol.

You didn’t offer him any of those reassurances that night. You preferred to have him close to you, that barrier between your baby and the world, instead of wondering if the sight of his back as he walked away would be the last you would see of him.

As you laid there on top of your blanket in the run down house, IV fluids flowing into the back of your hand and Daryl breathing quietly at your back while his fingers flexed over the bony junction of your hip, you startled to feel the small flutter inside the swell of your belly. You carefully moved your hand over where the sensation originated, not wanting to alert Daryl just yet. Hershel had told you that the first movements would likely only be felt on the inside.

That was indeed the case. Still you held your breath after each flutter, awaiting the next with tears flowing across your nose and down your temple.

Your baby was moving.

“Daryl.”

His fingers stilled. “Hmm?”

“They’re moving.” You shifted to look over your shoulder at him. He had slightly raised his head, his brow furrowed. He looked over his own shoulder toward the people sleeping behind him. The only one up was Rick, his gun on his lap while his gaze was trained on the door.

“Who’s movin’?” He looked so, so tired and your heart shattered, as it did anytime you looked at him lately.

But this wasn’t the time for heavy hearts.

“The baby. They’re moving.”

The change in the archer was gradual. Understanding finally blossomed in his expression, the dull veil that had glossed over his pretty blue eyes washed away with the wetness of his unshed tears. You gently wrapped your fingers around his and pulled his hand toward your belly, parting your coat so he could touch your warm skin with chilled fingers. You both knew he wouldn’t be able to feel it, but it didn’t stop him from crumbling, burying his face in your hair. You remained unsure if he was crying, even his stuttering breaths completely untelling.

Still, his fingers squeezed yours over where your baby moved.

And for one brief moment, the world around you was beautiful.

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nothorses · 1 year

Note

I noticed that you reposted something that is along the lines of proship

I agree with leaving media alone but I think its incredibly disgusting when people ship, for example siblings, because what it feels to me is that they have an incest fetish or something

I know just because someone writes about murder doesnt mean they support it, and I believe that. but usually when people write about murder it's in a negative context, obviously showing how it is so incomprehensible to outsiders about how someone could do that, or showing how we need to get these people help.

trying to apply this to, for example, incest, if someone ships an incestuous relationship then it seems like it would be in a good context, and it seems like they support it should it be in real life. that's how I view this all. (itd be different if they shipped siblings as a strange headcanon and talking about how it's bad... this reasoning I can understand the most to the point where I can let myself ignore it)

how am I supposed to learn to not care? especially when they are really outward about it?

okay.

I do not participate in shipping discourse because I do not participate in shipping. I'm not really In Fandom anymore like, generally. I don't... care.

Because of this I had literally no idea what you were referring to in this ask. I had to scroll. So far back. To get to this post, which also doesn't refer to shipping discourse.

I also have not talked about incest here, and the post in question doesn't talk about incest.

It's about murder. And gore. Which you say here is fine.

Literally why did you send me this ask.

And like... there's a fair chance this is just bait, and there's also enough of a chance that you're genuinely asking that, like, fuck it. I'm gonna get shit no matter what I do, so I may as well try to do a little good.

You use the words "feels" and "seems" a lot in this ask. And I'm really glad you did, actually, because I think it's honest; you're operating on your feelings and assumptions, and that's really important to keep in mind.

And your feelings on this are valid! It's normal to be uncomfortable with certain content, and it's normal to not want to see or engage in it. You don't need to feel any differently about those things. You don't have to consume incestuous content, you don't have to be okay with it, and you don't have to be around it.

But ask yourself: you assume that other people engaging in this content means they support it in real life, but what if they don't? What if you're wrong?

Maybe they're saying it's wrong in a way you're just not picking up on, or that you don't recognize. Maybe they aren't saying it's wrong; maybe it's in the context. Maybe it's in a genre trope in a genre you're not familiar with. Maybe it's irony or satire that you aren't picking up on. Maybe they aren't saying it at all, but that's still what they think, and they just chose not to put it in that content for... who knows what reason. Maybe they're literally just bad at writing.

What then?

Sometimes you're going to feel or assume that something is going on, and you're just gonna be wrong. And you could ask who's fault that is- did you fail to pick up on something you should have been able to, or did they fail to communicate it well enough?- but like, what are you going to do with that information?

Sometimes people are not very good at literary analysis, and sometimes people are not very good at writing, and that's just part of learning. Do we tell everyone not to attempt to talk about certain topics unless they're "good enough" to do it "right"? How do we know when someone's "good enough", and how do they get to that point without practice? Do we just ban those topics altogether? What topics do we ban- where's the line? How do we enforce it? How do we prevent that from being weaponized against marginalized people?

Anon, you asked me how you can "not care" about these things existing. And I think that's a valid question; you feel there is injustice, and you want to stop it. That can be a very noble impulse, and it can be harnessed for a lot of good.

But it can also be really, really toxic- not just to the people you hurt because you act on assumptions and impulses that are incorrect, but to yourself. You can't control everything. You can't control how other people feel, whether or how they engage in certain topics, or what they do or say. You just can't. And trying, or wanting to try, or thinking you should try- it's going to drive you nuts.

So here's how not to care:

Remind yourself that you might be wrong. Take a moment to think about all the things you don't know for certain, and the things you would need to know to be absolutely, 100% sure that you're right.

Consider how important this is to you. How close is this person to you? How important is this issue? What would it feel like to let this go- would it continue to impact you? Do you have other options? (removing yourself from the situation, blocking tags/posts/people, etc.)

Consider what you can do, and what you should do. Think about the tools at your disposal, the power you have in this situation, and how likely this person is to listen to you. Think about whether those tools are ethical. Again, what if you're wrong? Is there any reason you might regret your actions?

If you still feel like it's worth addressing, start by asking questions. Make sure you really know what's going on, and if (and when) the situation changes with new information, walk through this process again. Repeat back what you believe is happening until they confirm that you're right, decide again whether this is worth it, and then proceed.

Sometimes it's more effective to just vent to someone else, or to make a post about the issue generally without confronting that person- especially considering your assumptions might be wrong! Maybe it's worth it to talk about what you thought was happening, but you don't know that what you thought was happening is what was actually happening. You can still talk about it, just, y'know, without making it an attack on someone else.

And again, I don't give a shit about fandom discourse. This is important to me because these are themes that crop up in regular-ass media all the time, and disagreements that crop up in regular-ass relationships with friends and family and loved ones. I think it's important that people have the skills to navigate disagreements, unintentional harm, and perceived slights in healthy, productive ways.

You can't live your whole life demanding that everyone agree with you on everything, or blaming other people for everything you misinterpret or assume incorrectly. You cannot assume that everything that hurts you was designed to hurt you. You can recognize that these are assumptions and feelings, and that's great! And I hope you're being honest when you say that you want to learn to let things go.

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borderlinereminders · 11 months

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This is a reminder that you aren't a bad person if you feel jealous. You aren't failing if you're jealous.

A lot of people paint jealousy as this terrible thing, but the emotion itself is not inherently bad. It's actually a really normal emotion, and being able to talk about it without being shamed for it can be really important to coping with the feelings.

If you're struggling with feelings of jealousy, that's really valid. Some things you can try and do are:

Find the source of the jealousy. If you're feeling jealous that your friend has a new partner, perhaps the jealousy comes from you feeling you won't ever be able to be in a happy relationship. Or perhaps you remember in the past when another friend started dating, that they stopped focusing on your friendship. Knowing where it comes from can help you figure out how to cope with it. For example, if you're worried you're losing your friend, maybe you focus on seeking reassurance in a healthy way.

Talk about it. For example, if your partner is unintentionally doing things that lead to you feeling jealous, or perhaps someone else is interacting with them in a way where you feel jealous, you can talk to your partner about this. This is a conversation you should have when you have the time for a productive conversation, and when you're feeling calm. It's possible your partner didn't notice the behaviour, or didn't realize that it bothered you so much. This can be a time to re-visit boundaries. Remember that even if your feelings are coming from a place of past hurt that has nothing to do with your partner, it's still okay to talk to them about it. Perhaps you can come up with a solution together, or a way to work on your insecurities. You don't need to just suffer in silence because it's "not their fault."

Talk to another trusted individual. Sometimes talking to someone outside the situation can help. There are times I struggle with jealousy when it comes to my partner. Things like that he gets to spend so much time with his one co-worker, and I feel like she sees him more than I do. Stuff that he can't control. I have talked to him about it, but sometimes, talking to my trusted friend helps. She can validate my feelings but also help talk through them. Her outside perspective can sometimes help me see things differently.

Consider you don't have the full picture. This is relevant in situations like seeing your co-worker on social media posting happy photos of herself and her partner. Maybe you feel jealous that they're always so happy and carefree. But the reminder that you don't actually know that can be important for perspective sometimes. These pictures are just a glimpse into the person's life and it doesn't show the times they may have argued, or are otherwise struggling with issues whether there are issues with each other, or issues like financial stress they need to deal with together.

Practice techniques to get through the moment. When you’re struggling in the moment, sometimes a distraction is what we need to focus. There are a number of different coping skills that can be used like grounding exercises, DBT skills (I recommend looking at tolerance skills specifically) and other things that can help us get through the moment. Sometimes we need to get our attention away from our feelings of jealousy to resist urges we may have that could damage our relationships.

Don’t judge yourself for feeling jealous. This is a normal emotion. It’s not “bad” or “wrong”. It’s a feeling. It’s okay to be human. Learning to accept our feelings can be important to moving on from them.

#jealousy #relationship advice #my post #tips for handling emotions

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sykestarot · 4 months

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what transformations will happen for you in 2024

1-2-3 (left to right)

I DO NOT OWN THESE IMAGES

Hi guys! I took a break due to the holidays but I hope all of you guys had a great holiday and new year!! Thanks for stopping by and enjoy!

Pile 1

"are there still beautiful things?" (Temperance; The High Priestess (rx); two of swords (rx); page of swords; The Star; queen of cups (rx)) Hi pile 1 for you guys I feel a very youthful energy, maybe you just graduated highschool? I feel a sudden sense of responsibility that’s washed over you. Like life has just begun but you long so much to go back to a simpler time. Even if you are older and have been out of high school for some years I can see you being stuck in a corporate machine and working long hours just to not enjoy life outside of work. For the people who chose this pile that are older you’re struggling with work life balance and that this year that can be changed. I see you being able to go on vacation and relax with family this year. For the people who have just graduated high school I see you are feeling like you won’t be able to handle the balance of adult life or working like that. For you I see that you’ll do just fine and you should remember that no one was just perfect at being an adult right out of the gate. Everyone makes mistakes but few learn from them. Let yourself learn from your mistakes, don't let your ego get in the way of your growth. As far as this pile goes I see that you are in the very beginning of your transformations and you will be frustrated but it will all workout in the end. You will be able to transform and grow the way that you feel like you need to. For this reading I also pulled out some messages from your guides from an oracle deck! For you guys there is “Be Peace”, “Make your dreams real”, “be open to compromise”, and “give yourself time”. Your guides want to tell you to be open and patient. They believe in you even when you don't, so please continue to work hard. If others in your waking don’t believe in what you’re doing you have to be your biggest fan! Also remember to take deep breaths!! Signs: growing up; major milestones; bare feet in dirt; balance; ying yang (tattoo?); cycles; circle of life; less freedom; tired; doves; spiders; spider webs; pearls; purple; 9

Pile 2

(10 of cups; The Star; queen of pentacles; queen of wands; 10 of swords; 3 of pentacles) Hi Pile 2! For this pile I am getting that what will transform the most in your life is the way you approach relationships. I feel like you didn't want your 2024 transformations to be centered around other people and that's not necessarily what this message means. For you I see that you've hung onto people who aren't good for you for a long time and its time to let them leave if they want . I see that your idea of love is giving yourself away so much that you don't even remember who you are anymore. So in that way changing how you approach relationships will actually serve you by bringing you closer to your soul and who you are without outer validation. Which is such an albeit cool journey to be on it is painful as well, but I see you turning all the pain and suffering into strength to persevere. I feel as though you lost your identity and individualism in a group were a part of. I also feel like you have always wanted to go back to how you were before them, but there is no going back, only going forward and creating new. You can always pull inspiration from the past and incorporate it in the future but you won't be able to be exactly who you were before and that in itself is okay. I feel so much pain in you pile 2 because of what others have done to you, you feel like you will always be the person you are, but you don't have to be. you always have the free will and the choice to change. Stay strong! For this reading I also pulled out some messages from your guides! Your guides Pile 2, want you to remember how much you can rely on the universe and how much you yourself create! (“magic works through you”; “the abundant universe will provide”) I also see that they highly encourage you to stand your ground and keep your boundaries when others ask you to do things for them that you are either uncomfortable with or just plainly don’t want to do! Your guides really love you and feel so sad with the way you feel about yourself. Sending you love and light pile 2! <3 Signs: green; fresh cut grass; 777; fresh crisp air; fresh rain; fresh; apples; breeze; scenic views; iron gate; the ocean from far away

Pile 3

"but things are just different since she cut her blue hair off"

(7 of swords; The Lovers; page of pentacles (rx); page of wands; 8 of pentacles; king of swords (rx)) Hi pile 3! So for your pile I see as far as transformations go you also have a sense of responsibility this year or a need to grow up. I feel like you guys are still young but not fresh out of high school young. I get maybe mid to late twenties. For you guys I see that you are tired of working at passion projects and feel the need to get a “big girl/boy job”. I feel like most of you have degrees in something but you didn’t like the fields and ended up chasing other dreams, but because they haven’t worked out you’re ready to surrender and go to the career that you chose to study in. Or maybe you just continued to go to the minimum wage job you had because you knew everybody and the money was easy and the situation of everything was comfortable to you. But if that’s the case I see you itching for something different and more mature. For you I feel like the idea of working in a corporate job was actually the signifier that your youth was over. LOL. I feel now though that your ready for this change and you might be fighting with yourself that you won’t be as fun anymore because of where you’ll be working, but that’s just not true. Just because your job will change doesn’t mean your identity will. Anyways for you guys I feel a much more lighthearted energy because I feel as though you’ve been anticipating it and already been sitting in your cocoon for a minute just waiting for the right moment to emerge with your beautiful wings! Good job pile 3, keep it up!! For this reading I pulled messages from your guides as well! For you guys I see that your guides are encouraging you to take the lead and be an active participant in the change that happens in your life. They also are insistent that there will be a rebirth in your life and as I said earlier I feel like you are aware of it to some degree if not fully. (“take the lead”; “a rebirth is assured”) I also see them emphasizing not to listen to others telling you not to make this change and that their words only hurt your ego and not to let them have too much of an effect on your choices, as well as taking time to think before you do anything is recommended! Signs: carnival; pier; plushies; tattoos; patterned tights; two high ponytails; black lipstick; alternative fashion; cats; hearts

#spotify #pick a card reading #reading tarot #channeled message #channeled song #channeling #divination #law of attraction #pac #pap #tarot cards #tarot reading #tarot #tarotblr #tarotcommunity #intuitive #intuition #channeled art

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aprilthebiqueen · 2 years

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Some Hygiene Ideas When It Seems Hard

You aren’t alone if the act of having a shower, or brushing your teeth seems extra daunting, draining or just outright impossible.

There are no magic fixes, but here are some tips that might be useful to you.

Brushing Your Teeth

Brushing your teeth may seem impossible! And that’s so valid. Here’s the thing, sometimes we can ditch the regular “rules” and do what we need. Some things that help me:

Keeping a toothbrush and toothpaste in the shower. I find it so much easier to brush my teeth while I’m already in the shower with the water running.

Brushing for 30 seconds is better than nothing! You don’t have to do the entire two minutes.

If you can afford it, an electric toothbrush can help.

You can brush your teeth with water! No, really. It’s better than nothing. Dampen your toothbrush with a bit of water and brush your teeth!

Having a Shower

I don’t know about you, but having a shower is the most daunting task there is for me. It is so exhausting to even think about. Here are some ideas to make it easier.

Prepare for the After

For me, it’s what happens after the shower that is draining. It makes it a bit easier for me to get my clothes ready, have my towel laid out, and anything else I need.

Have Products you Love

Having my favourite smelling body wash and shampoo is so nice, and there’s a part of me that wants to shower just to use them.

Don’t Focus on Washing Yourself.

This sounds weird, but hear me out a bit. Focusing on it as a task we have to do may make it more exhausting. It might sound silly, but for me, I imagine the shower is a waterfall or rain that is “washing away” some of my bad thoughts, feelings and helping me lighten the load. I focus on turning it into a calm experience.

You can also just focus on standing in the water, and not actually washing yourself. It’s still likely to help you feel more clean!

Tips for Both Brushing Your Teeth & Showering

Call for Company

For me, sometimes I call a friend and stay on the phone with them until I actually get in the shower. This can help in the “pre shower” ritual and make it seem less intimidating. I have also kept a friend on the phone while I brushed my teeth.

An alternative is that sometimes I find a friend who also finds the act of showering or brushing their teeth super draining, and we make a pact to do it at the same time and then we text each other when it’s time and both go do what we need to do. We then come back and text each other and tell each other “good job!” This is kind of like an accountability buddy.

Play Some Music

I find that playing music helps, especially if it’s music that makes me feel a bit pumped up.

Focus on One Step at a Time

I find the whole idea of showering and/or brushing my teeth exhausting. There are so many steps to showering between getting undressed, getting the water on, washing my hair etc... I find that sometimes it can help to just focus on one step at a time and not the whole picture. What do I need to do first? For me, I need to turn the water on because it takes a few minutes to heat up. So I’ll focus on one thing at that moment, just turning the water on. That’s all I have to do. And then I go from there and see if I can work my way through the steps without looking at the “big” picture.

Alternatives to Help Feel Clean

Some days, we just can’t do it. And that’s okay! Here are some alternatives to help you feel clean:

Wash your face

Brush your hair

Use dry shampoo

Use body lotion

Change your clothes

Get some baby wipes or other wipes to use

Have a bath! (Use a bath bomb, bubble bath, something to make it feel pampering instead of like a task. A bath is much easier to put on an audio book, or even a show to keep you occupied).

Use some mouth wash

Remember that not being able to take care of your hygiene does not affect your worth! You are still worthy, even when you aren’t able to do the things you need/want to do.

Check out my blog post on this topic here!

#hygiene #i write this while i feel #so drained about going to brush my teeth #well #this helps motivate me #my post

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rejectionofhumanity · 18 days

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Since my last post about this kind of blew up, I’m going to take the opportunity and talk some more about red flag lists. Specifically, this red flag list posted in an otherkin community I’m part of. I’m not targeting this community specifically, I’m targeting red flag lists as a whole. This is just the one that was easiest for me to find.

Okay, let’s break this down, shall we?

-Claims to be an object: Objectkin exist. I know we exist because I am one. I’m a calculator. A calculator is typing this. Many of us are animists and believe in objects having souls (me included). And psychological objectkin exist too. You don’t get to pretend we’re all trolls because we don’t fit your idea of what otherkinity looks like.

-Size is unusual: I thought otherkin can be anything, including fictional creatures. If someone says, “My kintype is that I’m basically a wolf, but I’m the size of a house”, what right do I have to doubt that? Just because wolves that size don’t exist in real life doesn’t mean they can’t be a kintype. This point is just stupid.

-Claims a high number of kintypes with a majority fictional: Okay, what do you consider a high number? 10? 20? 30? Whatever number you pick is going to be completely arbitrary. What makes that number the number that should separate “valid” otherkin from “invalid” otherkin? Why do otherkin with high numbers of kintypes deserve to be separated? Tell me, in plain language, what is wrong with polykin. Oh, and why you hate fictionkin.

-Claims to be able to physically shift: This one I don’t know how much I can say on, because I don’t know much about the physically nonhuman community and am not a part of that community. But I do know that clinical lycanthropy and clinical zooanthropy exist. If any member of the physically nonhuman community wants to add anything, feel free.

-Implies wanting attention: Everyone wants attention. It’s how socializing works. You give someone attention and they give you attention in return. I clearly want attention. If I didn’t, I would keep all my alterhumanity thoughts inside my head instead of having a blog where other people can interact with my thoughts. And if need for attention becomes disordered, then you’re describing HPD. People with HPD can still be otherkin. Implying otherwise is ableist.

-Reacts defensively when questioned: Yes, otherkin should be able to calmly explain their kintypes. But what if you’re demanded to explain yourself day after day, and people still don’t believe you about your own experiences? Wouldn’t it be reasonable for you to get just a bit frustrated?! Are otherkin just expected to bottle up all that frustration?

-Mentions being unable to live in society: In what context do they mention this? There are many people with disabilities who are unable to live in our current society without a caregiver. Those disabled people… can be otherkin. Shocker. I myself don’t need a caregiver, but I do need many accommodations for me to be able to live in society the same way everyone else does. That’s just how being disabled is sometimes.

Anyway, rant over. I hope this cleared up why red flag lists are BS.

#otherkin #alterhuman #nonhuman #fictionkin #objectkin #polykin

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multiplicity-positivity · 2 months

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Here’s some positivity for identity-less headmates!

For many system members, having a solid or even partial sense of self can feel nearly impossible. Whether traits and interests fail to stick, dissociation-related issues complicate the process of forging an identity, or anything else causes difficulties with having an identity, many headmates may find that they can’t or don’t want to have much of an identity at all. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this! And this post is for those headmates with little to no sense of identity!

🌫 Shoutout to headmates without names, who can’t ever settle on a name, or who have a name that they really don’t like, connect, or identify with!

☁️ Shoutout to headmates who struggle to find hobbies and interests that hold their attention!

💨 Shoutout to headmates without passions, who often feel empty, unmotivated, or uninspired!

🌫 Shoutout to headmates who desperately want a more rounded out identity, but who haven’t been able to learn anything about themselves!

☁️ Shoutout to headmates whose trauma history has left them feeling like they have no identity or sense of self!

💨 Shoutout to headmates who have no appearance or physical characteristics!

🌫 Shoutout to headmates who are void, mist, fog, static, or whose identities are grounded in the fact that they have no identity!

☁️ Shoutout to headmates who are content with having no identity or sense of self!

💨 Shoutout to headmates who mask as other system members or others outside their system in order to give themselves temporary identities!

🌫 Shoutout to headmates who are symptom holders for dissociation, or for whom dissociation is so bad that they just don’t have an identity at all!

While not having an identity at all may feel confusing, frightening, or disheartening, we want to let you know that it’s okay to just exist as you are. You don’t have to have a well-rounded, steady sense of self in order to be loved, cherished, and cared for! You are a valid and important member of your system just the way you are, and you don’t have to change or adopt any sort of identity in order to be deserving of kindness and respect!

We truly hope you can find that kindness from the headmates in your system and others around you, and can in turn show that kindness to yourself! Know that it’s okay to not want any sort of identity, this doesn’t make you a bad person or less of a member of your system! And if you do wish your identity was more solid, we have full faith that you will be able to achieve this in the future. We hope you can take care of yourselves, and have a great day!

#multiplicity #plurality #pluralgang #actuallyplural #system positivity #plural positivity #plural pride #system pride #identity #sense of self #dissociation #identity confusion

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xjulixred45x · 4 months

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Platonic Yandere Satoru Gojo x Demaryius! Reader

This is the Request of @nunezs-stuff hope You like it sweetie!

Genre: Headcanons

Reader: male

Warnings: PLATONIC YANDERE BEHAVIOR, CLINGYNESS, ABUSE OF POWER, MANIPULATION , UNHEALTY MINDSET, Satoru is Jelous of the children of reader, BLACKMAID, treats of violence, Mainly located in the Star Plasma Arc. Satoru is a Brat. I think is done.

okay, something basic that must be learned from Platonic Yandere Gojo IN THIS CIRCUMSTANCE is that although he was loved by his family, I would not say that he was completely genuine.

Satoru always felt entitled to MANY THINGS precisely because he was born so strong and everyone (including his family) followed that game.

Being loved like that felt like something written into his life. so to speak.

This is kind of where Geto's question comes in. Would his family have loved him so much if he had not been born with six eyes? Or did he depend on that to be so loved by people?

In general, Satoru doesn't know GENUINE AND PURE affection very well.

Satoru does not understand what NORMAL love is, so he wants it desperately as it is something he cannot obtain through "conventional" methods such as money or favors, no, it is something SELFLESS that he really does not distinguish.

IT FRUSTRATES him.

But he manages to reach adolescence without that feeling, he spends much of his greatest losses and TRAUMA alone (Riko, Touji almost killing him, Geto leaving him) and he doesn't have what others would have in that situation, there is no comforting hug or someone who tell him that everything "is going to be okay."

No. he is alone.

But that's when he knows you.

You are a sorcerer who has managed to stay quite long (not Tengen level, but you are quite good at what you do).

You have developed many powerful abilities, but at the same time you have also been able to see many things in the world that you have wanted to improve or change for the better.

Thanks to this, over the years you adopted many boys and girls around the world while you learned powerful techniques that made you unstoppable.

These children got everything from you, a roof, food, training, LOVE. They were indebted to you, so they followed your teachings.

They even brought even more children for you to take care of.

You were satisfied with your life.

but the higher-ups of the world of Jujustu felt threatened by you and your techniques.

It didn't help that your children were just as threatening and, unlike you, had no problem using more violent methods to defend themselves or your honor.

For this reason, Satoru was in charge of trying to find you and take you to the higher ups with the purpose of executing you.

Satoru from the beginning found this very unfair for you, because you weren't really hurting anyone, so he just thought of giving you a lecture not to use these skills in such a public way, for your own good.

He may even have found you through your children in the beginning.

and in a way, that's when he started to feel...strange, about you.

because your children spoke of you as a loving, friendly, but authoritative figure, someone too good to be true for Satoru.

But he thought your kids were just exaggerating how good you were.

But he realized it wasn't when he met you.

he met you when you were away from your family, and even if you knew what he was coming to do, you weren't angry or upset in the slightest.

You received it where you were staying and Satoru felt...strange again.

You treated him with too much familiarity. Satoru wanted to believe it was just because you wanted to blackmail him, but no.

You were just being yourself.

Satoru wanted to know better the context of WHY you were doing what you were doing (in case you were really dangerous) but he only got a more valid reason for wanting to protect you.

That's how it started, the seed was planted and it grew like a FUCKING oak tree.

You and Satoru were spending time together when he was supposedly "looking for you" and you wanted to meet him yourself.

You were one of the few people who looked through the image of Satoru Gojo and saw something REAL.

an injured boy

It reminded you of many of your children.

But when he referred to his "old friends" with an undertone of sadness, you could see that he had lost people he loved.

so you gave him a shoulder to cry on. a hug.

It was something so BASIC that the boy had NOT EVEN had access to it at his worst. It made you sad.

For you, it was lend a hand to a hurt child who NEEDED it. Like the times you make it before.

but for Satoru, IT WAS EVERYTHING.

WAS THIS? Was this what they were missing? Did it feel THIS GOOD? having someone who sincerely cares about you...

It was EVERYTHING he needed to obsess over you as a parental figure.

Satoru felt like he was FINALLY getting what he was missing all this time.

That's why it became worrying almost immediately. because Satoru became like a clingy teenager towards you.

You didn't think it was anything worrying at first, since the two of you had had quite an emotional moment and young people tend to be more affectionate after that.

You even saw it as something positive, that he was opening up to you.

but it escalated pretty quickly.

because eventually you had to return to your Clan, to your children.

Satoru insisted on accompanying you, and even if you say no, he will invite himself and go to where you live with your children.

warning sign number one!

NOW, even with all the time you spend together, I don't think you talked about your children for a mere matter of safety.

so when you get home with Satoru, keep looking closely, and find all these boys, children, even adults, calling you dad, wanting your affection, and seeing how you look at them with love...

it disgusts him.

not because of you...but because he feels a burning rush of jealousy.

and when your children notice it, he doesn't miss the opportunity to get angry with them.

when your children attack him believing him to be an intruder, even with how well trained they are, Satoru manages to beat EVERY SINGLE one of them.

Even those who didn't want to fight...

Even when you told him to stop...that he was hurting them...

when Satoru finished with all of them. He only left you one "option" (because you had no say in the situation now): do what he wanted and no one would get hurt. You wouldn't want YOUR NEW SON to be ANGRY with you, right?

If we go more advanced in time, Satoru at the beginning was much less manageable with his jealousy of your affection.

He would like to do "typical" parent-child activities, like go play together, go out, learn something together, help him choose some type of clothes, etc.

as if he wanted to relive his childhood and adolescence.

That is, without ANY comebakcs or anything similar.

He would threaten you with physical harm, breaking your legs so I could take you in a wheelchair :) (he doesn't mean it seriously but it's to make you afraid of the idea of rebelling)

He would constantly throw tantrums to get his way, threaten to hurt your children or worse, threaten to turn them over to the higher ups.

A moment that left a mark on you was on one occasion, when you were still very depressed because of all this adjustment, and so deep in your head that you answered Satoru badly.

He literally grabbed you by the hair, pulled you back so you were close and said:

"Listen, old man, I have no problem sending one of your children to the higher ups in your place and watching them execute them, so you better start cooperating or I'll have to MAKE YOU"

only to then COMPLETELY CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE and discuss with yourself what you would like to eat that night.

Trying to escape is difficult when they have your children hostage. You already know that even if you don't fulfill their fantasy well enough they could have them executed, so it's not a good idea to know what they would do in an escape scenario...

When certain events in the anime occur, he is much more mature and gentle with you AND with your children, he may even develop his own yandere tendencies about them (whether romantic or also platonic) which honestly only scares you more.

In general, at this stage of his life, his obsession with you is based more on his desire to have even some normality.

but he purposely ignores that YOU ARE NOT NORMAL and you never plan to be.

so it's an Infinite loop where Satoru tries to win your affection.

be strong.

Shares, reglogs, and comments are very welcome!

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rummels · 2 months

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weight on my shoulders

relationships: platonic Reader & Chan & Changbin word count: ~2300 warnings: none tags: fluff, platonic intimacy, gender neutral reader summary: You're in a weird and uncomfortable headspace, your friends and flatmates Chan and Changbin help you with lots of soft affection and understanding.

read on ao3

You quietly plod into the living room, your feet hidden in thick fluffy socks causing you to sneak up to the couch unnoticed. Your frame is completely concealed by an oversized hoodie that reaches down to the middle of your thighs, tickling the back of your bare legs a bit when you stop a short distance away. You’re not sure if you like the feeling, it feels a bit like tiny zips of static prickle against your skin where the fabric brushes against you just the tiniest bit. It causes you to frown, huffing a tiny breath out of your nose. Everything feels a bit…off. The figure sitting on the couch hadn’t noticed you until now, engrossed in some TV show or movie, but the quiet noise makes the man look over to you.

“Hey,” Chan says softly, a warm smile tugging on his lips.

“I didn’t even notice you coming in. You wanna join me?”

He pats the space next to him in invitation, raising his eyebrows slightly in question and rearranging his position a bit so his legs are not stretched out across the couch. You tilt your head in a curious gesture and nod slightly, shuffling over and plomping yourself into the newly vacated spot, immediately leaning into Chan’s side. It’s not uncommon for you to seek out physical contact with your best friend and flatmate, the both of you sharing and enjoying skinship in a very loving yet platonic way.

It’s quiet for several minutes, Chan again taken in by whatever is shown on TV. You couldn’t care less, your brain going both zero and a thousand miles per minute, leaving you feeling a little overwhelmed and disoriented, not really knowing what to do with yourself while thoughts zip around in your head without you really being able to grab onto a single one of them. Chan’s hand unconsciously wanders across the back of the couch to you, his fingertips starting to slowly comb through the hair at your neck. You let out a low hum and close your eyes. This is nice. Somehow grounding. Just the tiniest bit, you push your head against the touch to encourage it and let Chan know to not stop his ministrations. He looks over to you again.

“Are you okay?” He looks a bit concerned. Usually you’re much more talkative, especially after a long day at work, wanting to share whatever annoyed or excited you that day or simply let out your annoyance about some frustrating project or other. Your brain rambles at you from the moment you wake up and simply letting your thoughts out and sharing them is often very relaxing to you, especially when you don’t have to be worried about being written off as an annoying chatterbox. Which you never have to worry about with Chan. Never had to, actually. So your continued silence is definitely raising some worries in your attentive friend.

You look at him, obviously giving the answer some thought before you scrunch your nose up and nod-shake your head in a definitely a little weird display of uncertainty. Immediately, Chan tunes in on you more, his whole body angling towards you a bit more while he studies your face.

“Did something happen?”

You shake your head no.

“Are you having a bad day?”

You shake your head again.

“Hm…are you getting sick?”

Again, a definite no, you shake your head.

“So simply a bad day maybe?”

You begin to negate that too when he hastily adds “You know that would be okay too, yeah? You can have a bad day without any reason and it’s still okay and valid. Some days are just fucked.”

A small grin sneaks onto your face, knowing he is about to quote one of those silly motivational Tiktoks you both send each other sometimes. He grins back, relieved at seeing your reaction.

“And there’s no way to unfuck them. Try again tomorrow,” he says and can’t stop himself from giggling a bit before ruffling your hair affectionately. You clear your throat, it feeling a bit scratchy after actually being silent for quite some time – you hadn’t even consciously realized that until now.

“Don’t worry, I’m not feeling bad, I’m just –“ You try to find the right words, frowning a bit, “-off? I don’t know,” you trail off, hoping he might understand. You yourself are not even able to understand it but Chan is smart, he gets people. And maybe he understands. Even if not, you know you don’t have to worry, he will simply accept it and will not try to force something out of you just for the sake of his own peace of mind.

You are proven right when he softly nods his head, his eyes deep in thought until he snaps back to you and gifts you one of his blinding smiles. “Come here, babygirl,” he says while pulling you over and manhandling you into a cuddling position against his side, halfway in his lap, his hands again finding themselves in your hair again. You make a little squawking noise at the pet name but your weird aversion to speaking right now is definitely not helping your protest. Factor in that Chan knows how much you actually secretly like the term of endearment? You’ve got no ground to stand on. The voices in your head have just started to discuss if this is something to be happy or disgruntled about when you feel his fingernails scratch against your scalp and you think you could start purring like a fucking cat any second now. Fuck this. There’s no snark left in you right now to defend yourself and you actually start to feel a tiny bit more like yourself so why bother?

Chan goes back to watching his show while holding you against himself, switching between softly combing through your hair with his fingers and giving you head scritches. You feel weirdly small, which seems a bit ridiculous to you considering you’re actually exactly the same height as him and also not exactly small in any other way. But it’s so nice, you melt more and more into him, your eyes drifting shut every now and then until your weird brain swirls manage to drag you up again.

By the time the front door opens and closes again, it has turned dark outside and Chan perks up, looking over the back of the couch towards the hallway.

“YA!” A shout echoes through the apartment, announcing the arrival of Changbin as he throws his backpack somewhere into the hallway.

You flinch at the sudden noise, also moving your head a bit but Chan suddenly has a rather firm grip in your hair and keeps you in place. Eyes widening, you feel like your pulse is suddenly going down in a very relaxing way. What the hell? The effect is too nice to fight against though, so you decide to go with it and stay where you are. Maybe Chan really does know best. Your own brain definitely doesn’t feel like it’s able to deal with any responsibilities and decisions right now.

“Tone it down, Binnie.” Chan’s voice vibrates against the side of your face. Huh, when did you slide all the way over to rest your face against his chest? You instinctively try to perk up again in surprise, you’ve also started to develop a bit of crick in the upper part of your back from the position you were in. This time Chan lets you but keeps his hand at the back of your neck which you are weirdly thankful for. Changbin chooses that moment to stick his head into the room and, seeing the two of you cuddled up on the couch, wiggles his eyebrows in a suggestive manner while smirking like the little gremlin he sometimes tends to be.

“You’re trying to win them over while I’m not home? Unfair business, Christopher,” he playfully scolds Chan and again you manage to smile. Yay, an emotion!

The two of them like to put up a whole charade of pretending to heroically and dramatically trying to win your heart over, each trying to ‘win’ against the other. All three of you are very much aware of the fact that this is all a game. You love them both to bits, would probably gladly cut off your own hand for them if the situation demanded it. But you’re also all very safe in the knowledge that nothing sexual would ever come into your relationship. Between you preaching about open and honest communication, Chan’s will to provide and care and give love and Changbin’s absolute lack of any kind of shame or reservations when it comes to feelings and affection, the three of you have created a very nurturing and loving environment in your shared apartment.

Chan’s chuckle is audible next to you before he speaks. “No wooing today, I’m just trying to cuddle y/n’s brain into submission because we’re feeling a bit weird today,” he explains, his thumb rubbing small circles into the soft skin under your ear while his hand lays on your neck.

“Oh no, do we have a scrambled brain today?” Changbin sits down next to you on the couch and leans closer, peering into your face like it may just give him all the answers on its own. You nod and pull a frowny face.

“They don’t like to talk right now.” Chan lets you out of his arms as you reach over for Changbin, going to lean your forehead against his big shoulder. But he reaches down and cups your face in his hands, holding it and looking at you while obviously thinking something over.

“Can I try something?” he ends up asking. “It might help but you need to tell me if you feel uncomfortable with it today, you know I will not be mad if you do, right?”

Having no clue which brilliant idea he has cooked up underneath those fluffy curls, you nod your head in agreement. You don’t need to worry, that much you definitely know.

Changbin hurries to shoo Chan off the couch and pushes you down with sure hands until you’re fully laying down. You only manage to look up at him for a couple of seconds before he is once again pulling and pushing at you until you end up on your stomach. He also tugs at your hoodie a bit until it doesn’t form any big creases against your body anymore and then you feel a warm hand at the small of your back.

“I will lay down on top of you now, is that okay?”, he asks softly and you feel a flutter of excitement in your chest. Yes. That would be perfect actually. Suddenly the fact that he’s not already settled on top of you seems almost cruel to you and you wiggle around a bit, nodding your head in clear agreement and permission.

He can’t help but poke your butt – of course he can’t – before crawling over you and then slowly letting all of his weight push down against you. You let out a small grunt of contentment, the air getting pushed out of your lungs and you feel like your bones turn into liquid. Perfect. This is exactly what you needed. Like putting on 3D glasses in the cinema, two separate yet connected, overlayered parts of yourself seem to finally slot together and begin to form a coherent version of yourself again. Changbin moves around a tiny bit still, finding the perfect spot and position to rest in while you turn your head to the side, peering into the dimly lit living room, your eyelids fluttering a bit.

Chan moves into your field of vision and crouches down to be at eye level with you. He’s got his signature ‘proud loving parent’ smile on and usually you would tease him for it – to hide how much you absolutely love get looked at like that – but right now it’s perfect for your mushy brain. He reaches out and tugs a bit on your hood.

“Would you like to put that on?”

You feel even less like talking right now, your body and mind almost like molasses. It’s a sweet, heady feeling and you smile, blinking slowly once and hoping he understands. He cocks his head to the side and raises an amused eyebrow.

“Is that a yes?”

You give a slow long blink again, probably smiling like an idiot. He chuckles and reaches over, slipping your hood over your head and arranging it in a way that makes you peek out of it like a little ferret out of its den. The fact that they know you so well, aware that you like to have your hearing muffled sometimes, feeling safe inside your hoodie, makes you so happy that you give another slow blink while contently scrunching up your nose with a smile. Chan boops it with his finger and stands up.

“You okay down there?”, you hear Changbin checking in from somewhere on top of you and you give a tiny wiggle so as to not accidentally throw him off of you but still answer his question ….somehow.

“Perfect. Just let me know when I should get up again, please don’t just yeet me off when it gets to be too much, alright?”

You wiggle again, completely settling in now and closing your eyes. Your head is not quiet, it never is when you’re awake. But right now there’s only a soft song buzzing in the back of your mind – you probably heard it somewhere on your way home – while you think about the new movie that’s running in the cinemas and you wanted to go to with both Chan and Changbin, your mind switching over to remember the time you all went to Changbin’s problematic cousin’s birthday party last month to crash it as a fake throuple, nearly sending the whole conservative side of his family into a collapse. Also there’s this brownie recipe Felix shared with you, maybe you’re gonna try that out tomorrow…

#stray kids #bang chan #seo changbin #skz fluff #skz x reader #chan x reader #changbin x reader #seo changbin x reader #bang chan x reader #gender neutral reader #gender neutral y/n #skz #skz fic #platonic intimacy #fanfic #my stuff

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