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cosmereplay · 1 month

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Kaladin Didn’t Invent Therapy (And Why That’s Actually Great)

“...You need someone to talk to, Noril, when the darkness is strong. Someone to remind you the world hasn’t always been this way; that it won’t always be this way.” “How do you … know this?” Noril asked. “I’ve felt it,” Kaladin said. “Feel it most days.” - Rhythm of War, Ch. 25 Devotary of Mercy

I’m writing as someone with a background in psychotherapy and peer support, and I'm bursting with excitement about one of my favourite topics. You can imagine why I love Kaladin’s arc in Rhythm of War so much! I actually yelled out loud when I read some of these parts the first time.

I’ve seen people online saying and making jokes that Kaladin invents therapy, and while that could eventually be true, what Kaladin actually invented in RoW is mental health peer support. Psychotherapy as most people would understand it simply doesn’t exist yet on Roshar. However, peer support is a legitimate modality for healing on its own merits. Even more importantly for the story, peer support is something Kaladin would personally really benefit from, and it fits his narrative arc way better than therapy would.

1. Therapy as we know it won’t exist for a while yet.

“We need to study their responses, use an empirical approach to treatment instead of just assuming someone who has suffered mental trauma is permanently broken.” - Rhythm of War, Ch. 25 Devotary of Mercy “Someone needs to talk to them, try different treatments, see what they think works. What actually helps.” - Rhythm of War, Ch. 25 Devotary of Mercy

Obviously, Kaladin has not been educated in battle shock or melancholia or any other diagnosis. In Alethkar there's hardly any knowledge to be had on the subject. Even now in real life, research into effective interventions for various diagnoses is still ongoing, over 100 years after modern therapy was founded.

Building an empirical knowledge base* will take time, not to mention the years it will take to train new therapists across Roshar in how to provide interventions specific to various issues. Therapy as we know it today generally includes time in mentorship with another therapist, so in a way, the first therapist isn't a therapist. 😅 In the meantime, there are people who need help today, including Kaladin.

Peer support can fill that gap because its knowledge base is different. Peers bring their expertise, which is their years of trial and error, successes and failures - their lived experience. Peer facilitators need to know the basics of managing a group, and they have to be willing to share their own experiences and learn from the group. Thus, training peer leaders is relatively quick, and incredibly scalable and adaptable across cultures and many issues/diagnoses.

2. Peer Support is a distinct path to recovery that doesn’t require an expert in therapy.

Kaladin located six men in the sanitarium with similar symptoms. He released them and got them working to support each other. He developed a plan, and showed them how to share in ways that would help...Today they sat in seats on the balcony outside his clinic. Warmed by mugs of tea, they talked. About their lives. The people they’d lost. The darkness. - Rhythm of War, Ch. 33 Understanding “While you can’t force it, having someone to talk to usually helps. You should be letting him meet with others who feel like he does.” - Rhythm of War, Ch. 25, Devotary of Mercy

Kaladin is already positioning himself to align with the values of peer support. Some of these values overlap with therapy, such as dignity, respect, inclusion, hope, and trust. What makes peer support different is a particular emphasis on equal relationships, self-determination, and personal growth (Peer Support Canada, 2022).

In peer support, the group facilitator is not considered an authority like a therapist would be. A peer leader may be further on the road to recovery, but they may not be. They are expected to listen and grow just like any other group member.

Because the leader of the group is also a learner, peer support groups tend to be more collaborative and open-ended. Everyone in the group has something they can take out of it and something to give. Everyone in the group is responsible for managing their own self care, and everyone in the group is responsible for the direction of their own growth. This is different from most therapy groups, which often have a specific focus or goal that the therapist is responsible for implementing. And speaking of responsibility...

3. Peer Support Fits Kaladin’s Narrative Arc Better than Therapy

At his father’s recommendation—then insistence—Kaladin took it slowly, confining his initial efforts to men who shared similar symptoms. Battle fatigue, nightmares, persistent melancholy, suicidal tendencies. -Rhythm of War, Ch. 33 Understanding …he’d learned—these last few months—that his battle shock could take many forms. He was getting to where he could confront it. -Rhythm of War, Ch. 39 Invasion

I think everyone can agree that Kaladin needs to participate in therapy just as much as the other battle-shocked men he finds in the Devotary of Mercy.

However, in therapy, the focus is solely on the needs of the clients. A therapist should not be distracted by their own issues (when this happens, it’s called countertransference). Further, therapy is generally framed such that the therapist is the only expert in the room, which means therapists have a higher level of responsibility for how the clients are doing (which varies depending on the issue, the therapy modality, and the circumstances).

In his own recovery, Kaladin is working on trying to take less responsibility for others, so setting him up as a therapeutic authority could be harmful for him. In a position of authority, he might be tempted to replicate the hierarchical structure he was in before (which would impede his own growth), or try to save everyone (which could impede everyone's growth). He simply doesn’t have the mentorship or knowledge base he'd need to work through those issues before leading as an expert.

In contrast, the point of peer support is the mutual sharing of lived experience. The group facilitator is expected to share their own struggles (as a model of recovery), and allow others to support them. In the context of a more balanced power dynamic, Kaladin can give the other group members the space they need to grow, and he can pursue his own recovery without feeling like he’s letting others down. Also, he will be able to leave the group during KOWT without worrying that the group won't be able to run without him. Everyone in the group carries some responsibility for each other, so group members can come and go with less stress than a change in therapist would cause in group therapy.

This is the beauty of peer support. It can happen anywhere people with similar experiences get together. No formal education is required. What is required is a willingness to know yourself as well as you can; to share your experiences; to listen to others tell their stories; to question your own assumptions as you learn how others handle things differently; to look out for each other's safety; to care.

Peer support creates a place of belonging and a community repository of shared wisdom. Kaladin almost had it on Bridge Four, but his position of authority wouldn’t allow him to grow the way he needed. Peer support is what Kaladin needs - he needs a place where he can take off his armour among people who get it because they're struggling with similar issues, and without having a position of responsibility over them. When he (eventually**) attends the groups, they help him grow!

Anyway, that's why Kaladin didn’t invent therapy, and why I think that's great.

For the men chatting together softly, the change was in being shown sunlight again. In being reminded that the darkness did pass. But perhaps most important, the change was in not merely knowing that you weren’t alone—but in feeling it. Realizing that no matter how isolated you thought you were, no matter how often your brain told you terrible things, there were others who understood. - Rhythm of War, Ch. 33 Understanding

---

*Funny enough, empirical research could lead Rosharan researchers right back to peer support. Empirical research on Earth has shown that modern therapy and peer support have similar levels of effectiveness (for example, for depression and PTSD).

**Look who’s resisting attending the groups he founded…KALADIN!! (shakes fist in the general direction of the sky) (This is the most relatable passage for me in this whole book, by the way, helper types unite lmao):

Kaladin looked down at the table. Had it? Had talking to Noril helped? “He’s been avoiding joining in,” Teft said. “I haven’t,” Kaladin snapped. “I’ve been busy.” Teft gave him a flat stare. Storming sergeants. They always heard the things you weren’t saying. - Rhythm of War, Ch. 38 Rhythm of the Terrors

Peer Support Canada. (2022). Peer Support Core Values. Accessed from https://peersupportcanada.ca/ Jun 27, 2022.

#I shared this on reddit a while ago but it got archived so here #enjoy #this is not an april fools thing this is just bad timing on my part #kaladin stormblessed #rhythm of war #row spoilers #kaladin didn't invent therapy #peer support #stormlight archive #the stormlight archive #stormlight essay #stormlight meta #god i love kaladin so much

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reasonsforhope · 9 months

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"When Ghana’s parliament voted to decriminalise suicide and attempted suicide in March, Prof Joseph Osafo felt a weight lift from his shoulders.

Osafo, head of psychology at the University of Ghana, had been engaged in a near 20-year battle to abolish the law – brought in by the British – which stated that anyone who attempts suicide should face imprisonment or a fine.

“It was a very good feeling. I felt like a certain burden had been removed. I was extremely elated,” he remembers. “Then the next morning, I realised we had a lot of work to do.”

Four countries decriminalised suicide in just the past year

Ghana is one of four countries to have decriminalised suicide in the past year – Malaysia, Guyana and Pakistan are the others. More could soon follow, which campaigners say is a sign of greater awareness and understanding of mental health. Kenya and Uganda have filed petitions to overturn laws and members of the UN group of Small Island Developing States have committed to decriminalise. Discussions are also being held in Nigeria and Bangladesh.

“There seems to be a domino effect taking place,” says Muhammad Ali Hasnain, a barrister from United for Global Mental Health, a group calling for decriminalisation. “As one country decriminalises suicide, others start to follow suit.”

“It is quite unusual,” adds Sarah Kline, the organisation’s chief executive. “It’s a huge sign of progress and an important step forward for the populations most at risk, as well as the countries as a whole.” ...

A large number of laws were introduced by the British during colonial rule. Suicide was decriminalised in England, Wales and Northern Ireland in the 1960s – it was never criminalised in Scotland...

The results of these punishments can be “devastating” and present “a huge barrier” to addressing the problem, says Natalie Drew, a technical officer with the mental health policy and service development team at the World Health Organization. Health experts and advocates argue that suicide should be treated as a public health issue rather than a crime.

Criminalising suicide denies people the right to access health services and discriminates against them because of something they’re experiencing, Drew adds. Research shows that in countries where suicide has been decriminalised, people can seek help for mental health and rates tend to then decline.

Next Steps

In September, the WHO is due to release a guide on decriminalising suicide for policymakers, with explanations of how countries have managed it...

“[Ghana’s decision] should have an impact on the work ongoing in other countries, especially in the Africa region,” says Osafo. Within the past couple of months, he has set up a mental health working group with representatives from about 20 African countries, and one of the biggest issues on the agenda is decriminalisation of suicide, he says. “Nigeria is active, Cameroon is active … Kenya has joined and is doing fantastic work. We have Uganda. People have been asking us how we did it.”

Since suicide was decriminalised in Malaysia last month, Anita Abu Bakar, founder and president of the Mental Illness Awareness and Support Association (Miasa), has already seen things change. Crisis response teams and helplines are expanding, and money from the mental health budget is being given to organisations who work in the community. “This is the shift we’re so happy to see,” she says. “It was such an archaic law.”

She adds: “I’m a person with lived experience. What does decriminalisation mean to people like me? We feel supported, we feel this conversation can go to a different level. Obviously decriminalisation is not the only way to prevent suicide, but it’s a big one. I’m happy for this progressive move – better late than never. I’m excited to see what happens next, not just for Malaysia but for the rest of us.”"

-via The Guardian, July 20, 2023

#cw suicide #cw sui mention #ghana #malaysia #guyana #pakistan #nigeria #kenya #uganda #cameroon #mental health #mental illness #healthcare access #decriminalization #england #colonialism #good news #cw sui attempt #suicide

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mariacallous · 3 months

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An air raid alert has just started when Victoria Itskovych joins a Zoom call from Kyiv. “It’s, like, a usual situation,” she says. “But really, it’s not usual.” February 24 will mark the second anniversary of Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine. For nearly two years now, Kyiv has been under bombardment. Some weeks, people have to trudge to their shelters night after night, checking text alerts and Telegram channels to figure out where the missiles are falling and when it’s safe to come out—although, it’s never really safe.

That relentless stress, and the trauma of losing family, friends, and colleagues on the front, has taken its toll. A poll by the city government last year found that 80 percent of residents reported symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine has exposed the whole of Ukrainian society to battle shock. “We’ve all suffered from this,” says Itskovych, who is director of the Kyiv City Council’s IT department. “Almost every person has somebody who was injured or died during the war, or lost their home or lost their health.”

In the face of such widespread injury, the Kyiv government has turned to Ukraine’s now-famous civic tech infrastructure for help. As the war enters its third year, the municipal government is starting to build a citywide system for providing mental health support to citizens. It’s a vast challenge, but also a unique opportunity—the first time that such a mass-trauma event has happened to a society that has already built the tools of digital government. Dealing with the mental health impacts of the invasion will be absolutely vital to keep society resilient, functioning, and committed enough to repel the invaders. It’s also the key to Ukraine’s postwar recovery, laying the groundwork now for a society that can rebuild itself physically and psychologically from the horrors of war. “This is the future of our society,” Itskovych says. “We are building the basis for the resilience of the community itself.”

At the heart of the plan is the Kyiv government’s digital platform, Kyiv Digital, which it launched in 2017. Before the invasion, it was largely used to manage parking and public transport, and to notify residents of disruptions to services such as road closures or power outages. When the war began, those notifications became more urgent: incoming attacks, the locations of bomb shelters, and the safest routes to reach them. Like other parts of Ukraine’s civilian technology, the city pivoted its tools to keep people safe and support the war effort, bootstrapping and rewiring the systems at pace.

“The first changes to the notifications we did in hours,” says Oleg Polovynko, adviser on digitalization to Kyiv’s mayor. Since then, the digital teams have been engaged in a constant cycle of innovation, trying to figure out what services they can bring online. The war has pushed them to act more quickly, to adapt tools they have and invent things that don’t exist.

They’ve expanded tools for civic participation, letting citizens vote on petitions, send feedback to the city government, and ask for help, such as financial support to repair bomb-damaged homes. And they’ve collected a lot of data, which is how the Kyiv government has been able to measure the scale of the city’s distress—and people’s reluctance to seek help. Of the 80 percent of residents who show signs of trauma, “40 to 45 percent are afraid to have contact with doctors who can help,” Polovynko says.

But this is only half of the problem that needs solving. For those who do want to seek treatment, there simply aren’t enough resources to help them. Clinical psychologists are supposed to limit the number of patient consultations they do in a day, so they don’t burn out. Before the full-scale invasion, Inna Davydenko saw a maximum of four patients daily. Today, Davydenko, a mental health specialist at the City Center of Neurorehabilitation in Kyiv, sees twice that number. When we speak, she’s just finished a video call with a soldier stationed near the front, whom she’s helping cope with stress and anxiety.

Even before the war massively increased the number of people dealing with trauma, depression, and anxiety, Ukraine’s medical system suffered from an underinvestment in mental health provision. “In most hospitals, you have maybe one psychologist. In good hospitals, it’s maybe two,” Davydenko says. “A lot of people need psychological help, but we can’t cover everything.” There is simply no way that the current system can grow to match the enormous jump in demand. But, Davydenko says, “almost every Ukrainian person has a smartphone.”

This is exactly what Polovynko and Itskovych want to exploit, using Kyiv Digital’s platforms and data to digitize mental health support for the city, and so close the gap between need and resources. Their project will focus first on those they’ve identified as being most vulnerable—war veterans and children—and those most able to help others: teachers and parents. The next six months of the project will be a “discovery stage,” Polovynko says. “We need to understand the real life of our veterans now, of the children, of the parents, what’s their context, how they survive, what services they use.”

The project will track people through the process of recovering from trauma, monitoring the treatments they ask for and the ones they receive, their concerns as they move through the mental health system, and their outcomes. Once the team has a detailed map of services and bottlenecks, and data on what’s working and what’s not, they can match individual needs with treatments. A full roll-out is scheduled for early 2025.

“It doesn't mean that the whole chain of the service will be absolutely digital,” Itskovych says. Some patients may be directed to group therapy or one-on-one meetings with psychologists, others will be given access to online tools. The aim, she says, is to create efficiency, to close the service gap, but also to provide comfort, meeting people where they are. “For a big part of our clients, there is more comfort with getting the service online, in different ways. Some people are not comfortable meeting a specialist one-on-one; they prefer a digital way to get the service.”

The project is being supported financially and operationally by Bloomberg Philanthropies, a charitable organization created by former New York mayor and Bloomberg founder Michael Bloomberg. James Anderson, head of government innovation at the organization, says that the project comes at a critical time for Kyiv, where people continue to suffer even though global attention has shifted away to other crises.

“There's always a tremendous amount of attention when the immediate crisis hits,” Anderson says. “But mayors continue to have to deal with the human costs of crises, long after the newspapers have turned to new subjects. That’s certainly what we sense and see in Kyiv.”

The size of the challenge in Kyiv is clearly daunting. But, Anderson says, there are reasons for optimism. Cities have got better over the past two decades at responding to common crises, such as Covid-19, which also required rapid, mass digitization of services. “Every crisis is distinct and different, and awful, in its own way,” Anderson says, “but there are lessons learned.” The Kyiv government, and Ukrainian society more widely, have demonstrated a capacity for rapid innovation to meet urgent needs, and Anderson hopes that success in this project could see it replicated internationally. “This is not the last war. This is not the last crisis,” he says. “I think Kyiv has lessons that they can share with cities around the globe.”

For Kyiv, and Ukraine, the crisis won’t end when the war does. “Psychological health is the number one problem for Ukraine,” Davydenko says, before correcting herself. “Number one is Russia, number two is our psychological health,” she says. “PTSD is our future.”

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forggywrites · 11 months

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Hello! I really enjoyed reading your Hobie x gn Reader head cannons I thought it was great. Is alright if I could request Hobie x gn Reader who has sh scars all over her arms but tries hiding it in the relationship but he eventually finds out. Sorry if this makes you feel some type of way. I have scars myself. Feel free to ignore and have a great day! ❤️ :)

Hobart "Hobie" Brown x GN reader with SH scars.

thanks so much for requesting! I love Hobie with all my heart, as someone who struggles with SH, it makes me really happy to think about how how he treats a partner who struggles.

Also requests are open and encouraged!

CW: talk of self Harm, not proofread or edited.

Hobart “Hobie” brown x GN reader with SH scars

Throughout your relationship Hobie never questioned why you would never wear short sleeves, he just thought it was a fashion choice. You two had met in the fall months when things had already started to cool down, so it wasn’t odd for someone to be wearing long sleeves, but once it got closer to the hot summer months and you continued to wear the long sleeved shirts he started to get suspicious.

“Love it’s pretty hot out there, you sure ya wanna wear a jumper?”

You would tell him it was fine, and that you always ran cold. You two didn’t live together and had never gotten undressed in front of each other so he had never seen most of your body before. He understood how you might feel insecure about the way you look and would always compliment you or hint at going to him if you needed to talk.

Though when the weather forecast stated the next few days were gonna be the hottest days of the year, he knew he wasn’t gonna let you wear your normal attire.

You two had plans to go to an all day outdoor punk show, he knew it would be scorching out, so even he ditched his normal stuff for cargo shorts, a tank top, and his battle vest. (Along with sunscreen) When you arrived at his apartment in black jeans, a long sleeve shirt and a long sleeve denim jacket, he was pissed.

“You are not wearing that, it is way too hot for all that.” All you could do is stare at him, he had never been so snappy with you. “I’m not letting you get heat stroke, you can wear some of my clothes.” You didn’t move, scared about the thought of him seeing your bare arms for the first time.

He walked back into the room with some of his clothes, which would undoubtedly be big on you. As he hands you the clothes he stops.

“Babe is everything alright?” He asked while still holding the shorts and t-shirt.

You were on the verge of tears, scared you had disappointed or angered him somehow.

“You know if there’s anything you need to tell me, you can. I’m not gonna be mad if you don’t wanna go or somethin’”

The room was quiet, neither of you said a word.

“I… I have scars” you muttered, barely audible.

“What was that love? I’m sorry but I couldn’t hear ya.” He asked, stepping closer to you.

“I have scars.” You answered, now loud enough for him to understand.

…

“So what, I don’t care.”

…

Maybe that was the wrong thing to say.

“I mean I don’t care about how you look, you mean alot to me, some scars wouldn’t change that.” he stands there, unsure of what to do or say.

“Even if I did it to myself…?” you asked, tears now falling down your face freely.

All he could do for a moment was stand there, slightly shocked. He had gathered you had struggled with your mental health in the past, and he knew self harm was common. But the thought of you having struggled with it had never crossed his mind.

“Love, you know I care about you. I’m sorry that you didn’t feel comfortable telling me and if I forced you to tell me now.” he steps closer to you, bringing you into a hug. “I don’t see you any different, you’re still the same amazing person. I don’t wanna force you to change but I want you to understand that I'm concerned about you overheatin’. Your past doesn't define you, if anyone gives you shit for your scars i’ll teach em a lesson, got it?”

He pulls away and looks you in the eyes. “We can stay home if you like, there’ll always be other shows.”

You had stayed silent, the proposal of not going only made you feel worse. The tears continued to stream down your face as you sobbed out an explanation on how you don’t want to ruin his fun.

“Love, you won’t be ruinin’ my fun, I care about your comfort more than anythin’.” as he says this you start to calm down.

“I still wanna go, but i’m not sure I can wear short sleeves, last time I did people kept staring.” Hobie didn’t know what to do, he wanted to make you happy and not ruin your fun. Suddenly he got an idea.

“I’ll be right back love, I think I've got something you could wear for now.” with that he rushed into his bedroom and started looking through the piles of clothes, looking for a specific item. Soon enough he found it, an old long sleeve he had bought stole that had cooling effects. He had gotten it to wear while working out and he knew it worked well.

“Here ya go love, this shirt has some sort a cooling tech, it works pretty well for me, so why don't you wear it for now until we get you some of your own and/or when you start feeling confident enough to go sleeveless, how’s that sound?” He has an adorable smile on his face, proud of his genius idea.

“I.. I think I'd like that.” you were finally done crying, glad he had come up with some sort of alternative.

“Aight, but you’ve at least gotta wear some shorts wit it, the shirt isn’t gonna help wit those trousers.” Hobie smiles, glad you two could come up with a solution.

“Alright, I think I can do that.” you say this while taking the shirt and previous pair of shorts to the bathroom of his apartment.

Soon enough you come out of the bathroom with the baggy long sleeve and shorts, holding the shorts up with your hands so as to not let them fall down.

“I think I need a belt or something.” was all you said as you walked out, seeing this Hobie burst out laughing, both from the oversized clothing and the cuteness of his partner in his clothes.

“All right, I'll get ya a belt.” he says, walking back to his room, still snickering.

Soon he walked back out with a belt that had holes all the way around so anyone could really wear it. After slipping the belt on and securing it, he helped you fill up your water bottle and apply sunscreen, because no matter the skin tone, you can always get sunburned.

The two of you had an amazing day at the show, you laughed, talked, met new people, and overall caused chaos.

Even through your hardest times, Hobie has done everything he can to support you.

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a-hundred-musings · 3 months

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You know, here's a small rant from me: I hate it when Celebrimbor is shown to be a "softie-boy" or a "naïve child" or just... someone condescending and stupid. Like, yeah I'm guilty of it too (who isn't?) but it just makes me wonder why he's presented as that in fics anywhere.

I read this fic on AO3? Celebrimbor is a stupid duck. Or he's just very naïve and easy to prank. I read another fic? Celebrimbor is a whiny baby who can't stand up for himself. I read another one? He's a man-child.

Look, I get why he's presented in that way, but can we not do that? Especially considering the things this boy has gone through which really wouldn't make him a "child-like" person, but more of a mature adult who has experienced things no one should ever experience.

Before and during the First Age, he's experienced so much:

Nerdanel and Feanor falling out -- that basically messed up entire Aman back then, but mainly their kids, so imagine how Curufin would have reacted to that.

The feud between Feanor and Fingolfin and Finarfin

The time when Feanor threatened Fingolfin

The time when the Two Trees were destroyed

The time when Melkor killed his great-grandfather Finwe.

Feanor going Mad™

The uprising of the Noldor

The First Kinslaying

His grandfather going feral and his father and uncles swearing an oath on a literal suicide-mission

One of his youngest uncles getting burned and basically died (or lived, depends on which version you follow)

A time of literal darkness. Like, no light at all. It really messed up the psyche of so many people.

Feanor abandoning his brother on the shores of Valinor -- that would mess up anyone really.

A literal battle. Like, more blood is being shed -- not only of elves, but of other creatures Tyelpe has probably never seen or heard of before.

His grandfather being so consumed by his fire and spontaneously combusting. That too, he either saw or heard of Feanor literally bursting into flames -- that is pretty traumatising.

The crossing of the Helcaraxe -- no seriously, that would mess anyone up knowing that people they love are literally walking on glaciers and over deathly waters with a 50% chance of survival.

Maedhros being crowned King of the Noldor, and an unspoken fact that there is more than one king of the Noldor -- the political implications here...

The abduction of Maedhros. Need this be explained further?

His uncles and father being concerningly close to starting a whole world-war

The rising of the Sun and the moon (like, what are those big spheres in the sky? Are they something from Melkor? Are they a sign of the End™? What is it?)

The arrival of Fingolfin's group, with more dead and furious people.

The mental health of everyone deteriorating. No, I won't explain because this era was filled with bad times.

No one knowing what to do now, since Maglor was naturally crowned the Regent King of the Noldor, and he has his own problems.

After 34 years of wondering what on earth has happened to Maedhros, he returns scarred with no right hand, and presumed torture marks.

Everyone literally holding their breaths for what will happen next.

Maedhros surrendering his crown to Fingolfin. That would hurt bad like a blow.

Literally only a few years of peace filled with tension.

Fingolfin decides to kick Melkor's arse and dies.

The Nirnaeth Arnoediad.

The Second Kinslaying.

The Fall of Gondolin

Making the decision of abandoning his father and uncles, going on his own separate path.

The death of so many of his family members and father and uncles. That is messed up. The amount of psychological trauma he's already been through...

Like, imagine his guilt of not being there with his father, imagine how much he second-guessed his actions...

The Third Kinslaying. The deaths of more elves, his uncle (or uncles), and really, just more death.

The crown of the Noldor being passed on so many times until it reached Gil-Galad. Imagine the humiliation and just the shock of the realisation of the number of people who have been crowned within a span of a few centuries.

The kidnapping of Elrond and Elros. While it probably wouldn't harm Tyelpe's psychological health, it must have been pretty messed up to find out that your two remaining uncles have committed a few more war crimes.

The War of the Wrath. Now, while it was mainly against Men, there is no doubt that some elves have been killed due to the war (given Gil-Galad's camps etc), so imagine him getting into some stray fights with the orcs or those Men who follow Melkor.

The Fourth Kinslaying. No need to further elaborate.

The death of Maedhros, and Maglor becoming a cryptid. Who wouldn't that mess up?

Surviving the First Age. Like, give this Tyelpe the recognition he truly deserves. Give him a few rings and trophies for enduring so long and he still hasn't gone down to insanity. That too, all this happened within the span of like, 600 years.

The Second Age:

Beleriand is under the sea

His "cousins" (Elrond and Elros) going their separate ways

The death of Elros (I think this is pretty self-explanatory, given the numerous HCs on the twins and Celebrimbor)

No one has any idea what has happened to Maglor. Is he alive? Is he dead? Who knows.

Rumours of a sinister evil lurking in the shadows and really, some tensions are visibly arising.

He finds this very powerful and alluring stranger who knows quite a bit about the art of smithing. They collaborate despite warnings from Galadriel, Gil-Galad, Elrond and a few others.

After giving thought to make powerful rings, Annatar watches over as Celebrimbor makes the rings for Men and Dwarves.

Newsflash: Annatar wants the rings, and he tainted them.

Celebrimbor makes the 3 Elven Rings in secret so Annatar can't get to them, but he gets kidnapped and tortured.

Like, really badly tortured. Annatar wants those 3 rings.

Celebrimbor eventually is killed, and is impaled on a spear, then given to Gil-Galad's camp after years of torture.

He went straight to his family. Can't tell if this will add to his trauma, but still.

While he didn't survive the Second Age, this boy went through so much pain, and... really, I feel like he doesn't get much of the appreciation he deserves.

Thank you for coming to my little rant as to why we need more fics that paint Celebrimbor as someone who isn't a stupid and naïve child, but more of a wiser version of Feanor and Curufin. He is not a tantrummy baby, for Ilúvatar's sake!

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colourstreakgryffin · 1 year

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Yandere! Romantic! KNY Iguro Obanai Headcanons

This is my first ever post! A friend of mine suggested I do a Yandere series with the Hashira from Kimetsu No Yaiba/Demon Slayer so here is the first with one of my favourite Hashira! Babe Iguro Obanai 🥰!

Obanai as a romantic Yandere has the Yandere traits of; Overprotective, Delusional, Obsessive, Paranoid, Intrusive, Manipulative, Loving and Clingy/Needy

To be honest, Iguro Obanai is definitely one of the easiest Hashira to corrupt into a Yandere. Combine how intense his love is shown to be(such as with Mitsuri in the canon) plus a “sense of Yandere-style obsession”. It wouldn’t take long at all for him to become a full-fledged Yandere once he is deep in love

Prone to extreme simultaneous dedication towards his love interest, her being the Ice Hashira aka You! He knows quite literally everything about you and it scares you. He knows all of your private details and you always wonder how he has managed to learn about your sick mother, you keep letters about her condition to yourself. Does he go through your belongings?!

His mental health is already on the edge. Delusions and self-manipulation can easily destroy his perception of reality till the point he becomes stuck in the fantasy where you love him as much as he loves you

This Hashira has absolutely NO limits in what he’ll do “for” you, sharing this Yandere trait with Sanemi. Obanai will do whatever is needed blissfully to win you over, not concerned in the slightest for the people he hurts

You’re the most important person to Obanai(Kaburamaru is his close second) and he views the Hashira career he spent years torturing himself to obtain as nothing but a mere stepping stone in comparison to you. He could be in battle with a Upper Moon for the safety of the people at this every moment and he would happily abandon it all because you got hurt in a minor fight

Obanai doesn’t care for anybody except you(and Kaburamaru). Meaning that he’s completely fine with injuring, crippling or killing literally ANYBODY

Where did that man you were gonna have a date with go? Nobody knows… well… other than Obanai

Obanai follows you around all the time and forcefully spends as much time as he possibly can, evading on your private time and wittily tricking you into letting him accompany you at your own Estate after work hours. At first, you saw his invasively needy affections as innocent puppy-love but overtime, you eventually just NEED personal space from the overly-excited bi-eyed man, even if he is so wonderfully considerate

Obanai’s extremely delusional and manipulative! You’re not angry at him. You’re just moody! Perhaps, you haven’t been sleeping well lately. He manipulates himself too to deny the truth

If you end up in a conflict with some trash of a person or any other dangerous demon, Obanai would go ballistic and immediately mutilate or kill whoever’s threatening your life

How could he be so stupid to let you wonder around such a dangerous environment without him? What kind of boyfriend lets his precious beautiful girlfriend get hurt?!

He didn’t kill that man you were seeing, he must have been mauled by a demon. Why would Obanai kill a human? He’s a Hashira of the Demon Slayer Corp after all!

He’ll gaslight the hell out of you into thinking he’s just a harmless, gentle little boy who’s helplessly in love with you. And in person, he’ll act that way in order to keep you pressed firmly under his thumb

Like a favouritistic pet, Obanai’s extremely affectionate and doting towards you but the moment you’re out of sight, he’s attacking everybody

Obanai’s also a HUGE worship Yandere! He has a whole shrine dedicated to you and remembers literally every little detail about you that it’s horrifying. He knows the name of your swordsmith, the names of your family members, all your dirty little secrets but that information is for his own pleasure

He has stolen a LOT of items from your Estate to continue building this creepy semi-effigy he keeps hidden in his own Estate; old blood-stained bandages, hilts of your broken katanas, disregarded clumps of hair-strands, spares of your haoris/kimonos/etc, disregarded chewable candy, disregarded cotton swabs, the list continues on and on

I’m serious. Don’t ignore him. Don’t argue or hint anything contradicting. It’ll save your friends from death threats! The moment he recognises you’re disregarding him. He goes off at the friend you recently spoke with, nearly sending them to a early grave

Lying and manipulation is Obanai’s middle name. He’ll lie and lie and LIE to ensure you believe him wholeheartedly

Puppy dog eyes and/or guilt-tripping to get you to listen. Chronic lying or subtle bribery to silence your “mood swings”

Lucky for him, forced crocodile tears are enough to make you feel guilty and apologise profusely

Sorry, but you’re not going to continue fighting demons with the Serpent Hashira breathing down your neck every second of every day. He’s NOT going to let the woman who’s so unbelievably precious to him press on her deadly career as a Hashira, you’re just too vulnerable to the semi-unstoppable danger and it burns him alive having to even think about you battling demons alone! If you did die, he’d snap

Obanai will 1,000% kidnap you after he has pressed on that you can’t be a Hashira anymore. He is too paranoid and insecure to have you wondering around Japan without him. There is so many attractive men out there that can easily steal you away. Obanai won’t let his darling get hypnotised by those monstrous brutes again and he steps in to force you into being purely his before any man could have the chance

Obanai can’t stand having arguments with you. It hurts his actually sensitive heart, seeing such anger directed at him coarse through one of the very few people he truly loves. Fights between you two is where Obanai expresses pain

Obanai gets really jealous when you’re having so much fun with somebody else, other than him(and Kaburamaru). You and him are the closest, right? Is some damn demon fodder really better?!

“You seriously like him?! I know more about you than that lowlife prick ever could! I care, respect and LOVE you more! Don’t you understand?! I’m protecting you from beasts like him!”

Obanai is extremely passive-aggressive towards his fellow Hashira, and due to his public character, his aggression doesn’t come off as abnormal. However, he refuses to threaten any of his fellow Hashira. That’ll smear his flawless reputation but he does glare hateful dangerous holes through whichever Hashira till the point they are vastly intimidated, if he believes they seem too comfortable around you

He doesn’t trust anybody talking to you and will escort you away from whoever, with such disgust and/or hate overflowing his mismatched eyes

Nothing you can do will convince Oyakata-sama to confront and/or convict Obanai for his horrible treatment of you or erratic obsession over you. Obanai has the Master and all the Hashira trapped under his thumb. He will get away with whatever he wants and won’t lose anything, you can’t seek help from the Ubuyashiki’s at all, since they won’t believe you

Obanai‘s delusional mind has convinced him that you must need to be eased in before you can truly let your feelings run free. Why you’re still angry and upset even after the months he has kept you with him confuses him intently. You’re still not happy after everything he has gotten and done for you? All the delicious foods, the cute presents, the beautiful clothes, the freedom, the playtime with the loveable Kaburamaru he knows you adore. What else could you want?

Obanai‘s obsession with you gets so bad that the all-so powerful Hashira refuses to do any training nor missions without 24/7 surveillance on you to suppress his paranoia but he knows there is no such thing and it frustrates him

Sure, it’s taking some time for you to realise that staying at the Serpent Estate is for your own good. But, it’s not like Obanai will get irritated or lose patience. He’s going to hold your hand through all of it

Obanai spoils you rotten for no reason. You spotted a kimono you thought was gorgeous? He’s bought it already and asking you to style it for him. You want to try a specific dish at the new restaurant? He’s arranged a entire dinner date and has asked you to get ready

Just like Mitsuri, Obanai fantasies about you and his future with you. He is aching to marry you and perhaps, have children so much that he’s begun practicing wedding vows and writing down potential names for those fantasy children he thinks of whilst alone

In public with you, Kaburamaru lays on your shoulders but this is only a precaution for Obanai and his intense paranoia. Even if he is insanely close that you feel like you’re suffocating in his grasp, having his second pair of eyes on you will ease his anxiety. It’s not like you mind, Kaburamaru is practically a defence against Obanai as he will never lay a hand on his beloved snake friend

Unlike what his image claims, Obanai’s very soft, very gentle and carves physical affection from the woman he loves all the time! Let him cuddle you, he won’t bother you. Let him cradle you in his arms and kiss your face off, just a few waves of affection isn’t that hindering. He will do as many loving boyfriend gestures as he carves, he loves being able to make you feel safe and happy!

… or better yet, what he thinks is you being safe and happy. His mist-clouded head won’t let him truthfully process why you’re so upset at him and will make him dodge all conversation that stem around him kidnapping you

Obanai will NEVER keep you locked up after kidnapping you. He knows the agony of being locked behind a cage so he lets you freely explore his Estate but has taken so many precautions to prevent your escape whilst he is away on Hashira duty; all the windows are double-locked, the door is double-locked and there is no sharp weapons nearby(all cutlery is plastic and his spare katanas are hidden in his secret but locked basement). He may not have that 24/7 surveillance he wants but he has plenty of tricks up his big sleeves to prevent losing you

Obanai vows, with a pair of expensive AF (but actually cute) engagement rings, he’ll protect you with his life as your now soon-to-be husband as you are forced to take his hand. You are so valuable to him that he’ll never take his off and he’ll gladly keep replacing yours, even if you throw it away right in front of him

Kaburamaru is very concerned for Obanai, as his mental health has gotten worse, but doesn’t do anything besides what the man asks of the snowy serpent, out of fear of escalating the horrible situation

How could one of the most mighty soldiers for humankind become so corrupted… all for one woman?

“Welcome back, Dokusha! Huh, where are you? Well, you’re in my estate. Ah— No. I didn’t kidnap you! I saved you from that demon! You passed out and I decided to bring you here to make sure you’re gonna be okay. Oh, do you like those sheets? I knew you would, that pattern is your favourite”

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trelinha9 · 2 months

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Every time I see a Friede x Amethio post, ten of my neurons die. I know these posts come from new fans who only watched the episodes released on Netflix (which goes up to 13 if I'm not mistaken), and he's only appeared in 6 episodes at this point (which is a crime against my mental health. What the hell is he doing in that time offscream? I WANT ANSWERS!!!) I remember in the first episodes of Horizontes, that Tumblr and AO3 were full of posts and fics about Friede x Amethio, and they disappeared over time as the episodes went on.

It's funny, because nowadays, almost a year after Horizons officially started, fans who watch the subtitled episodes are all worried about the mental health of this teenager and wondering why the heck they are in Exploradores, while the new fans are in the same boat as most of the old ones were and abandoned, shipping the poor guy with Friede.

I personally never shipped them because:

1: Amethio is, canonically, and confirmed by his original voice actor, a teenager (on bulbapedia it said he was between 13 and 19, but now they removed that part and only added the fact that he is a teenager, without mentioning a possible age) I headcanon him as 16, because, for me, it's the age that makes the most sense for his behavior and mannerisms, but that's just me. You can imagine him as 18 or 19 if that makes you feel more comfortable shipping him with Friede, but it doesn't change the fact that he's still a young and emotionally immature person, with no apparent emotional support base other than his Pokémon and his subordinates (Zir and Conia will get there someday, I know they will), while Friede is a fully grown adult, and clearly more mature than Amethio (there's even a line about it in episode 25). Friede had already been a Pokémon teacher for probably a reasonable amount of time when Liko was around 5 to 7 years old (we find out about this in episode 18), and honestly, Amethio doesn't look that much older than Liko. The clear age difference between them makes me uncomfortable. There are a lot of adults in the Horizons cast to be shipped with Friede, leave the traumatized teenager alone.

2: The way Friede, especially in the first arc, keeps teasing Amethio, even though he's clearly irritated and on edge, makes me want to punch him. I love Friede. But the way he interacts with Amethio, one minute he's having a good time taking care of Liko and Roy, and the next he's ready to annoy the shit out of a teenager make me so angry. I love this idea that Friede is a complete social disaster who doesn't really know how to pick up cues (scareing a deaf girl, for example, is definitely something he would do by accident 👀), but there's no way he can't see how negatively his actions and words affect Amethio. Amethio wants to prove himself. He wants to fulfill the mission ordered to him, and this idiot adult, in addition to getting in the way, bothers him every chance he gets (ep 5, ep 22 and ep 25 are the best examples). I'm amazed at how Friede either doesn't really realize the harm his actions cause to Amethio, or he does and simply decides to keep doing it.

This post may make it seem like I don't like Friede, which isn't true. I love Friede. I think he's a very funny character, but he also has a lot of flaws, and bullying a teenager is one of them.

I don't want to start fights about ships, because I'm not in Horizontes for the ships, but for the story and the characters. The only ship I really like is Friede with a certain Explorer who erased a child's memory (because for the love of god, they couldn't have made their battle in the last episode any less gay, could they) I don't want to offend anyone who ships Friede and Amethio, I just wanted to give my opinion on the matter and why I, with my interpretation of the story and characters, hate this ship. (Hate is a strong word, but I feel uncomfortable whenever I see this ship somewhere)

I'm really sorry if I offended anyone at any point in this post, I just don't like seeing a teenager and an adult being shiped.

#pokemon horizons #amethio #professor friede #pokemon friede #pokemon #Amethio is my favorite character he needs therapy not romance #I tried to avoid as many spoilers as possible here #I know that this new popularity of the ship comes from new fans #and I don't want to ruin their experience with the story #but be warned: episodes 22 and 25 have a lot of interactions that I consider problematic between Amethio and Friede #“you wanna play tag?” asks Friede to the teenager who wants to throw him into a wall #Dude who you think you are?#The Collector?#And his line in ep 25 is SO MUCH WORSE #WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO A TEENAGER MY MAN?#ARE TOU INSANE?#I have a lot of fun when these two interact #it's fun #when Friede isn't being an amoeba incapable of socialization that is

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buckyalpine · 2 years

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My Doll

18+ Minors Dni

Bucky x reader

This broke me, I’m so sorry you are going through such an awful time. I’m so happy my fics can bring you some happiness, I hope things start getting better for you soon, mental health can be so challenging, Bucky is proud of you but I hope you know I AM ALSO SO SO PROUD OF YOU. It takes so much courage and here you are, getting through every single day, I am fucking proud of you my love. So many hugs to you. x

Warnings: TW self harm, mental health Word count: 1.1k

“Sweet heart?”

Bucky quietly knocked on your door with some hot chocolate and cookies; he hadn’t seen you since you got back from visiting your family. He knew exactly how those visits went.

They dismissed your struggles.

The years of struggles you’d gone through.

The various paths and bridges you had to cross and conquer, only to be met with new barriers.

They dismissed your pain.

They dismissed you.

His heart broke as he stepped into the dark room, a small lump of blankets on the bed along with your fur baby quietly nuzzled by your feet. He gave your dog a quick kiss on the head before sitting down beside you, setting down your drink and snacks on the bedside table. He petted the large blanket burrito, the top of your head barely poking through the blankets as you curled up further, letting more darkness consume you.

“How’s my baby?”

Bucky already knew the answer, receiving a few soft sniffles in response. He carefully unwrapped you, pulling you into his lap and tucking your body against his, his strong arms engulfing you. Your head was tucked under his chin while his hand gently cupped your face, caressing your tear stained cheeks. His thumb brushed away the fresh ones that spilled, while kissing the top of your head. You were exhausted, too tired to try and wiggle out of his hold, feeling limp against his body as he rubbed your back, cradling you close to him.

Your body was tired but your mind was racing. It hurt. And there was one way to stop the pain. At least…for a moment. You squeezed your hands, nails digging into your palms, you had managed to bury the feeling for so long but it was back. It was urgent. It would take awake the mental pain you were feeling; it would make you feel free…

“Please don’t baby”

Bucky blinked back tears, he knew where your mind was, he knew the escape you were searching for, the one you were trying so hard to fight. He carefully shifted you so you were facing him, holding your hands firmly in his. He placed your palms on his chest, holding them there before wrapping his arms around you to hug you closer.

“Don’t”

You looked at him with broken lost eyes, for years you’d managed to avoid it. But you could only take so much. Years of trauma steered you down paths you would have never taken. You were in one place but the future you’d always imagined for yourself looked vastly different.

You were frustrated.

Tired.

10 years.

Some scars had faded.

Others didn’t.

“I-it’s hard” Your voice cracked as you spoke, your eyes squeezing shut as you remembered tucking yourself under a heap of blankets to keep yourself from doing anything impulsive. “It h-hurts” You whimpered, curling into a ball while Bucky snuggled you against him, keeping you warm in his hold. It pained him to see you like this.

“M’so proud of you, you know?”

You looked at him quizzically while he brushed some hair away from your face, tucking it behind your ear. You amazed him. There had been days where he’d hear your sobs in the middle of the night, only to see you bright faced and smiling the next morning. He knew about the inner battle you had within yourself, how hard you were struggling to make better choices for yourself, how hard it was for you to not harm yourself. You were one of the strongest people he knew.

“You’re my beautiful girl, who has been through so much, who is so strong every single day. Who makes others around her smile even when she struggles to smile herself. I don’t know how you do it. But I’m proud of you y/n” Bucky kissed your forehead and cheeks, his hand slipping up your shirt to rub his calloused hands up and down on your soft skin.

“I know it was so hard for you, can’t tell you how happy I am baby. So proud of you for not doing anything”

You felt tears sting your eyes again as he continued to hold you, the dam breaking once more. You didn’t have a lot of support in your life outside of your sweet dog. Your family certainly didn’t care and no one else truly understood the depth of your struggles. Except him. The one person you could always depends on. The one person who had never judged you for the things you’d gone through, the choices you had made. The one person who knew what trauma could do to a person.

“I love you my babydoll. I love you so much”

Bucky moved you to lay beside him, pulling the blankets up over both of you. He let you cry as much as you needed to, his lips brushing against your hair as he continued to rub your back, telling you exactly how much you meant to him.

“I’m proud of you every single day y/n. That you wake up and face another day even when it’s hard for you to. That you fight so hard to make good decisions”

Your hands clung onto his shirt, your face buried in his chest, the soft scent of him gently calming you down. You softly sniffled while he came down to kiss your tears away.

“I’m proud of you because you’re still here baby. I know it was so hard but sweet heart, you didn’t”

“I almost d-did…” You whispered, avoiding his eyes. Bucky had never once judged you but you felt awful. You knew how close you were to breaking years of staying clean of self-harm and the thought of it made you sick.

“I know. But you didn’t. And it takes a lot of self-restraint not too” He cupped your face making you look at him, tears brimming his eyes. Bucky shook his head, feeling like he had been stabbed in the chest. He hated seeing you like this, in so much pain that he couldn’t just erase away. “My sweet angel, don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have you”

His hands came up to play with your hair, gently massaging your scalp. Your sweet fur baby clambered up the bed, laying closer to you and Bucky, insisting on being closer to the cuddle puddle.

“Come here babygirl. Go to sleep, I got you. Not letting you go” Bucky held you close to him, letting you fall asleep on his chest. He knew it would be a challenging journey. Nothing would go away over night but it didn’t matter. He’d always be there to protect you. To hold you. To wipe your tears. To call you his. To remind you how fucking proud he was of you, every single day.

“I’ll always be here for you my love, always”

You were his everything. Forever.

“My beautiful doll”

Please let me know if you want to be added or removed! (also this is an 18+ blog, I can’t tag nameless/ageless blogs)

Tags: @glxwingrxse @hungryyeyes @sebsgirl71479 @beabutterfly987 @teambarnes72 @witchy-whore @jamesbuckybarneswify @slutforsexyseabass @chrisdrysdale @littlemarvelmenfan @buggy14 @whimsyplaty92 @sergntbarnes @inkedaztec @pono-pura-vida @moonlightreader649 @brooklynscherry-z @elle14-blog1 @littlelightnings @psychomanniac-blog @happyt0exist @emmabarnes @bethyruth @matchat3a @cjand10 @getwellsoontana @cherryschaos @lokisasgardianvampirequeen @ashenc-blog @buckybarnessimpp @potatothots @goldylions @high-functioning-lokipath

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flightfoot · 3 months

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Sorry for not being clear about "dragging Adrien to the bottom of the pit", it's actually come from one of Adrien salter in twt who years ago said "Adrien isn't fit to be Marinette' boyfriend because he has a lot of mental health issue and will be dragging her down" as in make her stressed more than she already is to the point of depression.

But the fact that Adrien still somewhat stable despite battling with depression longer than Marinette make me think that she'll be the one who dragged Adrien down even further than his current mental health.

Although it just me projecting what happened to my friend who was in a relationship similar state to Adrienette. Her bf was a control freak and she was a people pleaser and the more her bf get stressed the worsen his control freakiness and it make her felt like she was not worth his love because "my love isn't enough to help him" which result on her doing self harm because she's unworthy, and I hate that.

Ugh, I remember that take. It was mostly to argue that Luka should be Marinette's boyfriend instead, since he had no issues and could just happily receive all of Marinette's emotional trauma without her having to deal with any from him, which I mean... by that logic, either Marinette shouldn't be able to date Luka either because of her own emotional baggage, or Luka should date Adrien and take care of his emotional baggage instead, since he has more of it.

And yeah Marinette tends to have more trouble coping from an outward perspective than Adrien. Adrien's actually remarkably well-adjusted, given what he's been through, and when he breaks down, he tends to be more self-destructive than actually causing problems for others. Marinette, meanwhile, tends to be far more obvious when she's having difficulties, which means she gets help a lot more quickly and easily and a lot more tailored to her issues than Adrien, who just bottles things up.

#ask #ml fandom salt

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mako-neexu · 3 months

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gmgmr SOMEONE needs to take dantes' place, like a baton pass as they say. only his flames can burn that malignant remnants that dwell in guda's trash heap. of course, there are servants such as abby and oberon fighting it back, (and the occassional protectors such as merlin, purin, beni enma) but its the COUNT's FLAMES that actually decrease it as evidenced by his interludes, shirou's interludes and apperances in the main story... yume-secom members can only hack it away or protect guda's dreams (oberon) or protect guda from outer gods (abigail), but his flames are able to eat it away at the cost of his body weakening since he has been exposed to it for years now.

and during scathach's trial, she already said that the amount guda has during around london isnt normal to have. she effortlessly killed around a thousand of those malignant remnants, whereas if we think about it now, dantes' job is much harder as time passes..the exposure even more isnt helping... the death flag is way too real... that remnant of dantes was in such a bad situation that not only nightingale again but abigail had been highly concerned in interlude 2. which takes place sometime after lb6, where chaldea fought a literal god bloated with so much curses that its just a walking corpse. if post-battle exposure and effects took a toll on guda's body, who is to say that guda's own guardian for their mental health didnt take an extreme hit every battle against cernunnos's hands, the dead god itself and the calamities?

#fgo #yume secom team #fate grand order #guda #fujimaru ritsuka #im obssessed lately with the trio since nasu wont give ANY more info about the waste pit that even #goetia had installed like... 2 or 3 times before dying by guda's fists

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xxlady-lunaxx · 2 months

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I'm not coming home | {SaneOba}

Theme: Angst

Note: I hate adding trigger warnings simply because it basically spoils the whole thing, but I have to add them so, TW's!!: implications of wanting to die/suicide

Spoilers!! (like in the next sentence)

Will take place after the Infinity Castle thing, Obanai lived, Mitsuri did not. You can choose to think of ObaMitsu as platonic or romantic, it really doesn't matter, they were just close before. Sanemi has been helping Obanai with his mental health (and uhm failing), guess where this is going<33

×××

It had been some time since the final battle and Sanemi was tired. Yes, he had been getting a lot more sleep recently than the past few years, but he was tired. Fuck, it wasn't even because of his sleep—although he was having trouble adjusting to this new sleep schedule. But putting that aside, the reason for his tiredness was Obanai.

Obanai was... putting it nicely, not okay. Mitsuri had died in his arms after Muzan's death, and he was in some sort of daze now, as if it would undo the damage. He ate less than he ever had—which was saying something—and he barely slept, barely moved, really. Sometimes, though, he would wander around, looking lost.

Sanemi had taken to caring for Obanai—the two had started dating, as well. It was rocky, their relationship, or just... their life. It wasn't easy, obviously. How could it be?

Before, at least, they had distractions. Missions, patrol, their own life constantly in peril danger. But there was nothing now. It was a relief, for a lot of the survivors. It was a relief to Sanemi and Obanai, as well. But in a way, it was also worse. Made life just a dull of objects and colors, a blur in the background. It was empty, no action, no... nothing.

Sanemi didn't necessarily mind, however. Obanai, on the other hand, was very affected by it. Horribly. And it was obvious. So obvious to the point that Tanjiro brought up the concern once, while passing by Sanemi at the market.

Sanemi assured him that he'd help as best he could, and that he already was. But it fed his worries about Obanai and he went in search for his boyfriend later, whom he hadn't seen in a bit. He found Obanai, later, sitting absentmindedly on a hill, his katana in his hand. He was staring at it as if it held the answers of the world, his hand running over the handle to the leather sheath.

"Obanai?" Sanemi asked, confused. He quickly made his way up the hill, plopping down next to the smaller man.

"Hm?" Obanai turned, meeting Sanemi's eyes. The turquoise and golden eyes of Obanai's appeared unfocused, and he looked as tired as ever.

"What're you doing here?" Sanemi said, frowning. He glanced down at Obanai's lap, where his katana sat. "And why do you have that?"

"Uhm. Just thinking," Obanai mumbled, closing his hand over the katana handle tightly. "Why?"

"You look tired and I haven't seen you all day," Sanemi said, sighing. He wrapped an arm around Obanai, urging him to lean against him. (does that make sense?)

Obanai shrugged. "I wanted some fresh air."

"Ah."

They were silent for a while. Sanemi took this opportunity to look around, finding that he could see a lot of a town below them, stretching far off into the distance. If he wasn't mistaken, that was the town the Hashira would usually wander around in their free time. More specifically, Mitsuri, who would eat a lot in one of the restaurants there.

With that, Sanemi realized Obanai had probably been down there, most likely reminising about Mitsuri. He grumbled internally, wanting to smack himself for his stupidity. Obanai must be feeling miserable because of this.

"So... Why do you have your katana?" Sanemi asked. The past Hashira and Demon Slayers had all kept their katanas and/or uniforms if they were still in tact, given that there wasn't any need to rid of them. But as far as Sanemi knew, most people's katana's were probably gathering dust somewhere in the back of their house as demon slaying hadn't been the best of most people's memories.

Obanai looked away. "No reason."

The frown on Sanemi's face deepened. There was definitely a reason. It couldn't only be for the purpose of remembering, could it? Although just to feel the weight of the katana was enough to trigger a lot of memories.

"Right." Sanemi stood carefully, making sure he didn't drop Obanai's limp—and very light, he must add—body in the process. "When will you come back home? Tomioka's visiting later, so you probably want to get a bit of rest first."

"I'm not coming home," Obanai mumbled. The words were quiet, almost unaudible. Almost.

"What?" Sanemi turned back, having been half way through heading back down.

Obanai didn't say anything and Sanemi quickly retraced his steps back up, turning Obanai's body to look at him.

"What do you..." His eyes drifted down to Obanai's katana, clutched tightly in his hand. "No."

Obanai blinked quickly, turning his face away.

"No, Obanai, don't you dare," Sanemi hissed, grabbing the part of the handle protruding from Obanai's fist.

Obanai fought back, tugging at it. "Go away, Sanemi," he said, a sudden harshness entering his voice.

Startled, Sanemi nearly let go, but quickly regained his grip on the katana. Having been taking a lot better care of himself recently—and just generally being stronger than Obanai—he managed to take the katana from his boyfriend, gripping it tightly.

"Do not. Obanai, you cannot leave now. You're still young enough to have life to you, don't you fucking dare," Sanemi said, a burst of desperation hitting him. "I can't... can't lose you too."

Their eyes met and, for a second, Obanai returned the glare. But then all the fight seemed to seep out of him and he slumped down, his hair slipping over his face.

"I'm sorry," Obanai whispered. "I have to."

Sanemi shook his head. "No. No, you don't and you won't. Fucking hell, what have you been thinking this whole time?! We're going back home, Obanai. C'mon," he said with a heavy sigh, hoisting Obanai's unhealthily light body onto his back.

Obanai's arms clasped themself loosely onto Sanemi's shoulders as Sanemi made a slow descent down the hill.

"You're going to sleep now, Obanai. I will not let you die," Sanemi said. He wouldn't allow it.

×××

« Word count: 1086 »

×××

there's more floof in this cuz... i feel bad and i love writing floof as much as angst

putting the part one and two in the same post because it's easier<33

×××

Obanai was asleep and Giyuu was at the door and Sanemi was in the kitchen. Sanemi was also panicking.

He heard the knock at the door and opened it, letting Giyuu enter.

Then he promptly went back to panicking.

Giyuu watched him pace around for a couple minutes before speaking up.

"Are you alright, Shinazugawa?" he asked. He had gotten better at talking recently, having had more time to focus on his social life. He was more vocal now and it was helpful, really.

Sanemi stopped and stared at him. He had run his hand through his hair several times earlier so it looked like a mess, he had been muttering to himself and pacing around for almost an hour now, after putting Obanai to sleep, and he was tired. No, he was not alright.

"Obanai tried killing himself earlier," Sanemi said bluntly, deciding to go straight (gay) to the point.

Giyuu blinked. He had not been expecting that. "What?"

Sanemi groaned, striding forwards and hitting his forehead against the wall several times. "He brought his katana with him. He didn't even deny it."

Giyuu moved forward, pulling Sanemi away from the wall. "When?"

"Over an hour ago. I made him sleep," Sanemi said, gesturing to the hallway that led to Obanai's room.

"Ah. We should ask Aoi for help, she might know therapist or something," Giyuu murmured.

"Why the fuck would we ask a child?!" Sanemi said incredulously.

Giyuu sighed. "Because Kocho wanted to sign us up for therapy but we didn't have time. Aoi or Kanao might be of some help in this matter since they knew Kocho better."

"Bitch, we're adults. We can find a therapist ourself. But I doubt Obanai would speak to one, in the first place. He's... got a lot of personal shit he'd most likely rather not tell anyone," Sanemi pointed out. He crossed his arms, moving away from Giyuu.

"Right. I don't know, then," Giyuu murmured.

Sanemi frowned, looking down at the ground. "I don't know either. I've been trying to help him, but I don't think it's working."

"Mm. How have you been trying?"

"Uhh..." Sanemi paused, racking his brain. "I've been keeping a close watch on his sleeping and eating schedules—which are somehow still fucked up. I try talking to him sometimes but he doesn't really... want to. He's quieter now, too. It's difficult to deal with, and it's fucking up my head."

Giyuu nodded as he spoke, thinking for a moment. "Try to just spend time with him, maybe? Instead of so obviously focusing on his mental and physical health, just take him out on walks or dates, and so on," he suggested. "Maybe it'll clear his mind."

Sanemi raised an eyebrow. "That's... I'm surprised I'd hear that from you, Tomioka. But I'll try that, sure."

Giyuu pouted. "What does that mean?!"

"You know, you're really childish for a twenty-one year old man," Sanemi deadpanned.

"...go cheer up Iguro, then," Giyuu said, huffing and turning to the door.

Sanemi laughed. "Will do. Thanks," he called after Giyuu who was already outside.

"No problem... And good luck!" Giyuu said, lifting a hand in a wave before promptly slamming the door shut.

Sanemi rolled his eyes and locked the door before turning as he heard a different door open.

Obanai stumbled into the hallway, rubbing his eyes and fixing his bandages. He quickly spotted Sanemi and sank into his boyfriend's arms, hugging him tightly.

"You alright?" Sanemi asked, patting Obanai.

He got a muffled "yes" in response.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, picking up Obanai and hoisting him onto his hip.

Obanai pulled back slightly to make himself comfortable, wrapping his legs around Sanemi's waist. "No' really..." he mumbled, resting his head on Sanemi's shoulder. He seemed tired, still, and probably had forgotten about earlier.

"Okay. Sleepy? Want to cuddle?" Sanemi offered, kissing his cheek.

"Mmmhm," Obanai hummed, nuzzling against him.

Sanemi smiled. "Whatever you want. You're awfully clingy today, you know..."

"Is'at bad?" Obanai asked, lifting his head up to look at Sanemi.

"Not at all. It's adorable."

"I'm not adorable."

Sanemi scoffed. "Keep telling yourself that."

Obanai grumbled but went back to hugging him as Sanemi made his way back to the bedroom, closing the door and laying down with Obanai wrapped around him.

The room was silent, only the sound of their breathing, bringing a comforting feeling to them, lulling them into sleep.

Sanemi awoke, he didn't know how long later, and glanced down at Obanai who stayed asleep in his arms. The blanket previously pulled over them had at one point gotten tangled up between their limbs and Sanemi struggled for a moment to pull it back onto them.

He glanced at the window which had curtains drawn over them. A dim light filtered through the fabric, however, telling him it was around late evening or night. He moved his hand up to run through the dark, tangled locks of Obanai's hair, wrapping his other arm back around his boyfriend.

A while later—about twenty or so minutes—Obanai stirred awake, blinking wearily at Sanemi. His hair was messy, despite Sanemi having been finger-combing it for nearly half an hour before, but he looked considerably less tired then he had before.

"S'nemi...?" he mumbled, moving forward and re-attaching himself to his boyfriend.

"Yes?"

"Goo' mornin'..." Obanai said, his voice muffled by his bandages and sleep.

"It's... night," Sanemi said, laughing gently.

"Oh." Obanai sat up slowly, glancing at the window. "Is it bad that we're used to waking up at dusk and going to sleep at dawn?"

"...Probably." Sanemi sighed. "How do you feel, though?"

"I'm fine."

"Tired, still, or not?"

"I feel better," Obanai admitted, running a hand through his hair.

"I'm glad to hear it," Sanemi said, sitting up and kissing the smaller man's forehead. "Hungry?"

"Not really."

Sanemi frowned. "When have you last eaten?"

Obanai pouted, crossing his arms. "That's none of your concern!"

"It is! If I want to care for you, I need to know!" Sanemi said.

"I don't need caring for! I'm twenty-one! I can care for myself!" Obanai protested.

Sanemi raised an eyebrow. "What, and this morning wasn't some sort of indication that you can't?" He immediately regretted the words afterwards when Obanai seemed to cower away, remembering. "Sorry, Obanai, I didn't mean..."

Obanai shook his head, silencing him. "It's fine." He slumped back down onto the futon, burying himself in the blankets.

Sanemi sighed. "I'll make us some food."

"Alright..."

×××

Sanemi decided to take Giyuu's advice into action and, the next day, took Obanai out on a walk after lunch.

Obanai was clueless and just walked around, one hand clasped around Sanemi's, the other clutching a pebble he'd picked up earlier. They walked in silence, enjoying the outside for once. It was a nice day and the weather was mild, not cold nor hot. It was peaceful; spring could be like that. (Fun fact: it was spring after the war!! Because the sakura tree in the Butterfly Estate had been blooming) There was a heavy scent of flowers in the air, given the trees were blooming and, with the occasional burst of wind, flower petals would float down around them.

Sanemi was watching Obanai carefully and had been caught staring at him several times, leading to more awkward silence.

Eventually, irritated, Obanai asked, "What?" upon catching Sanemi looking at him again.

Sanemi bit his lip, turning his gaze back in front of them. Obanai stopped, though, holding Sanemi back by his hand.

"What?" he repeated, more forcefully.

Sanemi shook his head. "It's nothing, just thinking."

Obanai huffed. "If you keep thinking about yesterday, I'm going to rip your head off."

"Be my guest," Sanemi murmured. "And it's not that"—which was partially true—"so don't worry about it. I was thinking about when we were Hashira. Days like today just went by unnoticed since we were usually resting or training."

Obanai rolled his eyes. "Oh, are you reminising now? Are you going to go on about a speech to appreciate what we have now?"

Sanemi laughed. "Do you want me to?"

"Fuck no."

"Good, because I wasn't. But... you really should," Sanemi added, as an afterthought.

"What? I'm not reciting an essay for shit," Obanai said, scrunching up his nose.

"That's not what I meant. i meant, like, to 'appreciate what you have now,' as you'd put it."

"Oh, so it is about yesterday." He sighed, letting go of Sanemi's hand to fidget with the rock. "Please stop thinking about it."

"Like I could." Sanemi crossed his arms, moving to stand in front of Obanai. "You do realize I care about you way more than anyone else right now?"

"Well you shouldn't. You should care about yourself." Obanai looked up, his eyes meeting the lavender eyes of Sanemi's, those of which he'd fallen in love with over and over again. God, he would do almost anything for him. Almost anything.

"Like you could talk! You're the one ignoring your own health," Sanemi shot back. "Obanai, seriously, just... I'll stop thinking about it when you can prove to me that you'll try to get better. If not for yourself, then... for..." He hesitated, unsure if he should continue the sentence. "For someone else."

Obanai frowned. "For you?" he asked. "Just say it. It's not selfish, if that's what you're thinking."

Sanemi shook his head again, running a hand through his hair and sighing. "It's... not that."

"Then?" Obanai asked impatiently.

"That's not what we're talking about!" Sanemi said, trying to pull him off the course of the conversation.

"Yeah, well now it is. So, tell me." He crossed his arms for emphasis, glaring up at Sanemi.

Sanemi grumbled. "If I tell you, will you try to care for your health?"

"I walked into that, didn't I," Obanai said, sighing.

"Yes."

"Fine. I'll try. But I won't promise any success."

"Good enough," Sanemi decided.

"So?" Obanai asked, quirking an eyebrow when he didn't continue. "Tell me!"

"It's stupid," he insisted.

"So am I, and look who you're dating! Get on with it, idiot."

Sanemi rolled his eyes. "One, you're not stupid. And... fine. Fine," he repeated, as if telling himself more than Obanai. His gaze dropped to the ground, avoiding the prying eyes of his boyfriend. "It's about Kanroji."

Obanai tensed. "What about her?"

"I don't know. Just, you're doing this all for her, right? I know what you were looking at when I found you yesterday. I know you care about her a lot." Sanemi paused. "Basically—and fuck, I sound like a selfish brat, but—I didn't know if you cared about me enough to want to stay... for me," he concluded. "Which is why... yeah."

Obanai frowned, taking in this information. "Are you jealous or insecure?"

Sanemi winced. "Don't say it like that."

"Just answer."

"Both, really," he admitted, wishing he could crawl in a hole and die.

There was a beat of silence.

And then Obanai stepped forward, tiptoeing and wrapping his arms around Sanemi's neck, hugging him tightly. He glanced around, making sure nobody was there, then undid his bandages, kissing Sanemi gently. Sanemi embraced him, leaning against the hug.

"God, you're like a big baby," Obanai murmured, placing another kiss on Sanemi's cheek.

"Says you," Sanemi said, although he smiled at the kiss.

"Mm, sure."

They stayed like this for a while, completely ignoring the fact that they stood in the middle of a road in public, their attention completely on each other.

Then Sanemi back away, embarrassed and almost guilty. "Sorry for turning this about me."

"Don't worry about it, it's nice to not be the one worried about for once," Obanai said, quickly fixing his mask and taking Sanemi's hand.

Sanemi nodded. "And it's nice to be the one worried about, honestly," he said.

"Guess you haven't experienced it much?"

"Nah."

They continued on their walk in silence for a while, consumed in their own thoughts. Obanai spoke up, after a few minutes, glancing up at Sanemi.

"Hey, and for the record? I do care about you. Fuck, I'm sorry for seeming so laser-focused on Mitsuri lately, but... I mean, don't take this the wrong way, but she's all the reasons why I want to die. You're all the reasons I want to stay," he said, his voice gentle.

Sanemi stared at him.

"What?"

"N... Nothing," Sanemi mumbled, his hand tightening around Obanai's. "Thanks."

Obanai nodded, confused. He double-stepped forward to see Sanemi's face—who had turned away—and stopped. "Oh my god, are you going to cry?!"

Sanemi shook his head, his hand reaching up to rub his eyes. "Fuck no, what the hell are you talking about?..."

Obanai sighed, letting go of his hand to wipe the tear that slipped down Sanemi's cheek. "Crying isn't bad."

"Well, good for you. Because I'm not crying!" Sanemi insisted, a whine entering his voice.

"And you said I was the baby," Obanai grumbled, rolling his eyes. But he hugged Sanemi again, holding him tightly in his arms.

Sanemi buried his face in the mess of Obanai's hair, practically strangling him with a hug. "'m not crying," he repeated, with less insistency.

"Whatever you say."

After Sanemi got himself back together, the two walked down the road again, more awkwardly as neither knew what to say anymore.

"Uhm... So, back to you?" Sanemi suggested.

"Fuck no."

"Fuck yes."

"You want to fuck?" Obanai asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Maybe?" Sanemi said, mimicking Obanai.

"Idiot," Obanai said, laughing.

Sanemi smiled. "You're laughing."

Obanai immediately stopped. "Okay, no, that's stupid. Don't be stupid."

Sanemi rolled his eyes. "You're stupid."

"I know."

"God."

They exchanged a smile before Obanai decidedly broke into a run, making Sanemi do a double take before chasing after him.

"What the hell?!" he shouted, catching up quickly.

Obanai grinned at him, quickening his pace. "How much strength from being do you think we have left?"

"I bet I have more than you do," Sanemi replied, running ahead of Obanai.

"Fuck you!!" Obanai whined, attempting to get back in line with Sanemi.

They laughed as they ran, and probably wouldn't have stopped if it weren't for the fact that they nearly crashed into someone. Both of them skidded to a stop, almost toppling over themselves in an attempt to not hit the other person.

"Fuck..." Sanemi groaned, helping Obanai steady himself.

"Okay, what the hell is wrong with you two?" the person asked, his voice familiar.

They looked up.

"Great," Obanai said, crossing his arms.

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Tengen whined.

"Nothing. What're you doing here?" Sanemi asked.

"Uh, walking. Why?" Tengen said, cocking an eyebrow. "And you two?"

"Same as you," Obanai said.

"Right. You look better," Tengen noted, looking Obanai up and down.

"What do you mean?"

"Well rested."

Sanemi nodded. "He slept a lot yesterday and the day before."

"I was tired," Obanai said defensively. "And what do you mean, 'better'?!"

"It wasn't an insult," Tengen said, laughing. "And of course you were tired."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Obanai threw the pebble at Tengen who dodged it, grinning at him.

Sanemi rolled his eyes. "He means you were being insomniac and unhealthy and that you're already making improvement, dumbass."

Obanai huffed. "You too?!"

"Hey, don't blame me! You were the only one who fell into some sort of neglection of yourself after Muzan!" Sanemi pointed out.

"Anyways, I don't want to hear you two bickering, so... bye!" Tengen said, saluting them before promptly turning and practically disappearing.

Sanemi and Obanai stared after to where Tengen had run off to, watching his figure fade into the distance.

"Why is everyone concerned about my health," Obanai asked, after a minute.

"Because you're easy to be concerned about. You look happier though," Sanemi said, turning back to Obanai. "Right now."

"That's cuz we were running and it was exhilarating. I haven't done that in a bit."

"Yeah, I know. That's why I took you out on the walk," he said, taking Obanai's hand into his own.

"Hmm, I knew you had ulterior motives," Obanai said. "'I need fresh air' my ass."

"That wasn't a lie."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Hey, you lied about that, too!" Sanemi said, walking again.

"Fair enough."

×××

Giyuu's tactic seemed to work. It was distracting Obanai a lot more and he looked a lot lighter now, although he occasionally lapsed into fits of depressing—if you could call it that—and Sanemi was always there for him when they happened. But he was progressing and his katana ended up in the corner of the entrance hall, dust slowly collecting on the hand guard. He was doing better, and it was all Sanemi could really ask for.

×××

« Word count: 2731 »

y'all i know I ended this randomly but I was losing ideas for this and it ended up so much different than i'd intended AND HOW THE FUCK DID I GET NEARLY 3000 WORDS?! I THOUGHT IT WOULD ONLY BE 600-1000 BUT NAH...

Also i js remembered how much I love fluff 🤩

so many scenes in this oneshot i'm in love w/ how it turned out (also a bit eh but YAYY)

34 notes · View notes

quitealotofsodapop · 4 months

Note

(resending this cuz it seems like some of my asks got deleted)

thank you for posting this ver of the ask, and thanks for the extra responses!

[Macaque having the mega-regret when he finds out all those years later about the Stone Egg, feeling like a dad who wasn't around for their (ex)partner and unborn baby and barely having enough time to adjust when baby arrives.]

considering he just finds out about the baby mere weeks before their born, and only actually starts the path to reconciliation the day before if not the day Wukong goes into labor depending on how long it is between the final battle ending and the campsite scene, he really didn't have a lot of time to get used to the idea of possibly being a dad (not even knowing if he wanted to rebuild his relationship with Wukong until he was un-possessed) until their was already a baby in his arms, but he is forever grateful he made the decision to stay.

that being said, I feel like with him feeling like he missed a lot causes Wukong to have to reassure him often that what really matters is that he's here now, and that as long as he makes the effort to be apart of Yuebei's life now Wukong wouldn't have it any other way. I think Macaque (even if a little wistfully) loves to listen to Wukong telling old pregnancy stories of funny or fond moments he missed. he probably likes hearing stories of bad moments too, so he gets a more full understanding of Wukong's pregnancy experience.

[likely responding to the Samadhi fire like it would consumable dao like; "Hey, can I eat that- OOO NO SPICY!!!").]

Yuebei trying to eat the Samadhi fire is absolutely hilarious, so is Yuebei describing a world ending fire that can tear apart the fabric of reality "spicy" in baby terms. as a baby she tries to chew on Red Son hair "because the spiciness has gone down."

[Wukong's mental health was not good after the ritual]

Wukong def doesn't leave Ao Lie's side for weeks after the ritual to make sure he's okay (I like to think that the fourth ring wasn't a problem at first, but as time passed symptoms started cropping up and then they started getting worse and worse). When the affects of the ring start becoming noticeable and then beginning to worsen Wukong only becomes more distraught. he tries everything to help Ao Lie, but he just keeps getting worse, Wukong apologies at least 200 times everytime they see each other, Ao Lie never blames him for anything. Wukong is there when he dies, Wukong's mental health obviously takes an even worse turn.

[Wukong risked his own baby for them, and the couple don't learn this until centuries later.]

they are both all the more grateful when they finally learn, especially PIF who understands that putting his own baby at risk for hers must have been a difficult decision, so he also has more respect from her because of that. they also chastise him for putting his own baby at risk.

but imagine how they (and Ne Zha) would feel upon learning the reason he slipped was his baby reacting badly to the fire, considering losing control and slipping was something he got a lot of flack for because of the danger it posed.

[Spider Queen turns, only to see Guanyin/Kuan Yin glaring her down like the vengeful goddess she is.]

Spider Queen is losing her mind because of her loss, she turns her attention on her own minions for a moment, they don't react at all because they are used to her temper. all of a sudden, they do start shrinking back and acting scared, Spider Queen's yelling falters as a shadow falls over her. she turns, looks up, and finds herself being stared down by a very angry Guanyin.

SQ gets her ass handed to her.

LBD stays hidden until Guanyin leaves, ot wanting to risk being seen by the vengeful goddess and risk their wrath. SQ trusts her a little more than in og canon because when LBD comes out of hiding she also brings a healing item of some kind to heal SQ from injuries sustained from her beat down from Guanyin.

[Instead of the infamous "OH WUKONG!" while flying overhead at the end of S2, Macaque instead announces hos presence to MK specifically.]

so blatantly ignoring Wukong's presence while the bone demon is practically hovering over his shoulder would be too obvious. he fixes this by only seeming to attack when MK starts trying to talk about him. MK's got Wukong alone on the deck of the airship about to tell him about the shadowplay? "ooooo MK!". Wukong and MK meet up while trying to escape the east sea palace and MK once again tries to warn Wukong about the shadowplay incident? I don't think so. MK: *running out of the east palace* Monkey King, there you are! are you ok? SWK: I'm good bud MK: good, I know I didn't get to explain earlier about Macaque but he- MK: *Macaque's staff skims his hair and embeds itself in the wall behind him* MK: STOP INTERRUPTING ME! MK: *a shadow clone comes out of nowhere to punch him, causing both MK and wukong to scramble* MK: on second thought, maybe I'll just stop talking.

[Wukong gets the drop on him cus it's such a paradoxial offer. If he agrees, his baby will be a lonely little cub in the world like he was + he'll lose all his found family and the world at large. If he refuses, LBD might just decide to aim for the Egg directly, taking away something Wukong has been incubating/nuturing for centuries away from him and using the energy accumilated within to fuel her mech.] + [LBD does not think about feeding Wukong in this timeframe ofc, since in her mind he's an immortal self-sustaining puppet now. It's ultimately what leads to her demise...]

the thought of losing the found family he's managed to gain after spending so long alone makes him falter, he pushed everyone away for centuries until now and he's just started relearning what it's like to have his loved ones around again, he doesn't want to lose them now.

but on the other hand the thought of LBD targeting his egg and using their dao to fuel her mech makes him feel physically sick. he can't afford to lose his egg, not after this long. he'd never recover.

funny, how it ends up being LBD who gets consumed by the egg. how the tables have turned.

as concerning as the egg consuming her initially was, Wukong can't help but smirk and call it hubris.

[You know when the Mayor gets un-possessed by LBD? Think that, but the soul energy is getting eaten like a string of noodles and slurped into Wukong's body.]

that is terrifying, I'm gonna have to draw that now. (as of you seeing this, the drawing has already been submitted)

[The Egg needed Wukong to gain a couple few more family members before it could "hatch" into Baby. XD]

egg was like "troop is here? mate is here now? food is sufficient? now these are prime birth conditions!" *sends Wukong into labor*

[Mac's crying cus he's finally coming to terms with why Wukong hurt him all those years ago + he's meeting his former mate's little cub who looks like him!! He makes a sound akin to a dying squeaky toy when he's asked how he thinks of little Yuebei.]

seeing Yuebei look like him and the joy that brings him and Wukong both is def one of the things that makes it finally click. he so easily could have lost this by his own hand, he could've cost Wukong this. in that moment he not only gets over the whole dying thing completely in an instant, he almost feels glad that Wukong did whatever he had to to ensure little Yuebei's safety, even if it was Macaque himself Wukong had to keep her safe from.

Wukong def thinks Macaque's "dying squeaky toy" reaction to being asked about what he thinks of Yuebei is adorable.

[DBK holds it together until he has Yuebei in his palm. Smaller than even Red Son was as a baby. DBK does one deep breath... and quickly has to pass the baby to PIF cus his eyes have turned into waterfalls. She's so small!!] + [... but holding Yuebei is the first time in a long time she makes a joyful snotty sob. The baby monkey is confused by the bodhisattva's reaction, and tries kissing her tears away. This only makes her honorary aunt/grandmother cry even harder with pride and joy.] + [+Not to mention how hard MK cries when Wukong introduces him to Yuebei as "your honorary big brother". Mei has hundreds of timelapsed photos of MK as his face contorts into an ugly cry as he holds Yuebei for the first time.]

Wukong and Macaque as DBK's sworn brothers def joke that they always knew he was a big softy.

Wukong is laughing at Yuebei trying to kiss Guanyin's tears away whilst also giving Guanyin a big hug.

MK loves that he's being referred to as the big brother, even if only honorary. Mei def has hundreds of photos of everyone's reactions.

[He reminds himself to say sorry to Wukong for not checking if the Buddha's punishment was Stone Monkey friendly. Wukong and Mac laugh him off cus the Gold Star of Venus is currently having his beard nearly yanked off by the playful newborn cub.]

all in all, Gold Star is very happy that it all worked out for them in the end. they are too.

[Azure: "What do you think little cub? Am I not a fine Emperor and guardian? Do you think your mother will warm to being at my side?" Yuebei, hungry, frustrated, and bored: *glares and makes a distinctly "Macaque"-sound as her ears glow* The Brotherhood: "..." Peng: "She must be hard to impress. As any princess ought to be." Azure: *feels a little better* :'3 Yellowtusk the Wise, internally: "I'm telling Guanyin. I am not going to be held responsible for what nonsense Azure gets up to regarding Wukong and the infant."]

it would be even worse considering Yuebei likely has Azure as a "bad voice", so him talking about her Baba would not make her feel any better, even if she can't actually understand what is being said.

Yellowtusk looks at Azure talking about having Wukong at his side at last with an infant (that he was being neglectful of) that so very clearly belonged to Macaque, with Macaque and Wukong seeming to be on good terms these days if Macaque's anger at Azure for imprisoning Wukong in the scroll was anything to off of, and start seeing just how possessive and obsessive Azure really was and just goes "oh, you are a terrible person, actually" and decides that his brothers aren't actually the people he wants to associate himself with.

[If Azure still had a tail, Yuebei would have taken it as a chew toy long before the MKrew (love that name) got there. And Wukong would have let her keep it as a trophy.]

they'd have it like, preserved or something so they could keep letting her use it as a chew toy. if not that then they would have hung it only the mantle place where they've also been keeping LBD's skull for the time being.

Referencing this Slow Boiled Au post.

[considering he just finds out about the baby mere weeks before their born, and only actually starts the path to reconciliation the day before if not the day Wukong goes into labor depending on how long it is between the final battle ending and the campsite scene, he really didn't have a lot of time to get used to the idea of possibly being a dad (not even knowing if he wanted to rebuild his relationship with Wukong until he was un-possessed) until their was already a baby in his arms, but he is forever grateful he made the decision to stay.]

Once Mac learned that Wukong got possessed trying to take down LBD, the shadow monkey almost 99% decided that he wasn't going to lose his King to that bony biotch. And depeneding on how messy the Samadhi Fire ritual goes, the last thing Wukong says to Macaque is along the lines of "You ruined everything!", and Macaque doesn't want those to be the last words he hears his King say...

And ofc the protective Stone Monkey instincts kick in once he sees; 1: His pregnant mate being forced to fight, 2: LBD tossing her human-cub host aside like trash, 3: The kids almost dying trying to control the Samadhi Fire etc...

And soon Macaque started to remember how much him and Wukong discussed Having a family once the war on heaven was over, and how much they both wanted to be parents...

And soon there's a newborn monkey in his arms, and Macaque can't stop smiling and crying at the same time. He's so excited and overjoyed and scared that he isn't sure how to feel.

[that being said, I feel like with him feeling like he missed a lot causes Wukong to have to reassure him often that what really matters is that he's here now, and that as long as he makes the effort to be apart of Yuebei's life now Wukong wouldn't have it any other way. I think Macaque (even if a little wistfully) loves to listen to Wukong telling old pregnancy stories of funny or fond moments he missed. he probably likes hearing stories of bad moments too, so he gets a more full understanding of Wukong's pregnancy experience.]

Macaque says something like: "Sorry I wasn't here for alot of it.", and Wukong just replies like "Eh. You got plenty of time to make it up."

Macaque often asks Wukong "how it was" to be carrying the Stone Egg. especially for so long, and he's always glad to hear Wukong's rambling stories about his odd symptoms ("You couldn't eat peaches?! How did you survive?") and the tales of the many gods and demons that shrunk away nervously when they discovered his condition. Macaque is still shocked that Wukong managed to keep the Egg a secret from PIF and DBK (and most of Heaven) for so long too - and might give him the stinkeye for risking himself and the baby during the Samadhi Fire ritual.

Its also around the time Macaque really has it sink in that; "Oh sh-t. I attacked the Monk and fought Wukong when he was pregnant. No wonder he killed me." He isn't sure how to build himself up to discussing this fact with Wukong yet, but he'll get there.

[Yuebei describing a world ending fire that can tear apart the fabric of reality "spicy" in baby terms. as a baby she tries to chew on Red Son hair "because the spiciness has gone down."]

Red Son holds Yuebei for the first time (after a lot of encouragement from his parents and MK), and the first thing the baby does is tug Red's hair from his ponytail and try chewing it. Red's hair is ruined with baby monkey drool by the time someone gets Yuebei off of him.

Wukong, snorts out a laugh at the sight: "She must like hot food. She tried eating the Samadhi Fire the first time around." Nezha: "She what?!" Wukong: "Oh yeah... didn't tell you that part yet." Nezha, angry flames flaring up: "You mean to tell me that you were "with Stone Egg" during the ritual to separate the Samadhi Fire!? She could have suffered the same fate as Ao Lie!" Wukong, guilt-ridden: "Yeah. Don't remind me. She kicked me non-stop for days afterwards." Yuebei: *tries grabbing Nezha's skates to test the "spicyness"*

Red makes sure to keep his hair covered the next time he sees the cub.

[Wukong def doesn't leave Ao Lie's side for weeks after the ritual to make sure he's okay (I like to think that the fourth ring wasn't a problem at first, but as time passed symptoms started cropping up and then they started getting worse and worse).] + [Wukong apologies at least 200 times everytime they see each other, Ao Lie never blames him for anything. Wukong is there when he dies, Wukong's mental health obviously takes an even worse turn.]

Even being a dragon that could handle flame magic, Ao Lie was ultimately just *one* dragon. One that rarely used his fire magic at all save for the time he acted out at his father pre-Journey. He practiced great self-control in making sure that the Ring he held within didn't start a blaze that spread outwards to hurt his friends.

But in supressing his symptoms, Ao Lie inadvertently hid how much pain he was in from his dearest friends. Wukong knew something was wrong immediately when the infamous White Horse Dragon no longer had the strength nor will to carry even one of his pilgrim brothers. The weakness, the pain, the burning in his joints; it was all to obvious how hard the dragon tried to hide it.

Wukong cries for months after Ao Lie leaves them/passes away. And the dragon's last words to assure his friend that he never blamed him for the accident, nor his baby. Ao Lie was just sad that he'd never be able to meet the cub in this lifetime. He just wants Wukong to stop being so hard on himself for it. If only the dragon he tell him that in person.

[they are both all the more grateful when they finally learn, especially PIF who understands that putting his own baby at risk for hers must have been a difficult decision, so he also has more respect from her because of that. they also chastise him for putting his own baby at risk. but imagine how they (and Ne Zha) would feel upon learning the reason he slipped was his baby reacting badly to the fire, considering losing control and slipping was something he got a lot of flack for because of the danger it posed.]

OH the second PIF hears that Wukong put himself at risk of the Samadhi Fire whilst pregnant - she's flying straight over to shout how "stupid and reckless it is!". But she soon calms down and pulls him into a soft hug, whispering with a single tear (out of range of the kids); "Thank you for saving my baby. Now allow me to protect yours." Wukong was confused but very touched that the Princess recognised the risk he took in helping lil Red Son all those years ago. She knows it was a tough call to make.

When the lotus prince overhears that Sun Wukong has been pregnant "since at least the Journey", he just crumbles at the realisation that Wukong was in fact pregnant during the ritual. Nezha blames himself for not recognising that Wukong was carrying at the time, and even more so how he blamed him for "screwing up!" the ritual whilst distracted. He now realises that the baby was likely reacting to the sudden surge of fire magic and Wukong was in great pain. He def makes an awkward apology once they run into eachother at the start of S3. He refuses to let Wukong get into danger or exert himself tho - Nezha's a momma's boy at heart after all.

[Spider Queen's yelling falters as a shadow falls over her. she turns, looks up, and finds herself being stared down by a very angry Guanyin. SQ gets her ass handed to her.]

Spider Queen hears the sounds of a thousand knuckles cracking and realises that she's looking at the person who might as well be the Monkey King's Mama. SQ ain't even mad by the end of it. She would have done the same (she'd def the kinda mom to beat up her kids' bullies).

I love the imagery of the rest of the Spider Gang just... watching it unfold. They only need a single glare from Guanyin to not step in. LBD is hiding far away atm cus she knows the goddess would recognise her magic at a glance. Or recognise her host as being a possessed little girl and reverse-kidnap her for an exorcism.

LBD only comes out to heal SQ's injuries from the Divine butt-whooping once Quanyin has left. And although SQ kinda trusts the demon a little more, she's far more hesistant to step on the Monkey King's toes than before if his Mama's gonna respond. SQ is a lot more scheming for the rest of S2.

[so blatantly ignoring Wukong's presence while the bone demon is practically hovering over his shoulder would be too obvious. he fixes this by only seeming to attack when MK starts trying to talk about him.]

I can almost imagine Macaque's demeanor becoming especially cold towards the crew, particularly MK. He can't risk Wukong knowing that MK told Macaque about not only the baby, but also how Wukong was pregnant during the Journey. He just wants to grab the Kid, give him to LBD, fufill his contract, and maybe make up for it later when this all blows over.

Macaque from MK's perspective during S3;

But by ignoring Wukong and focusing solely on MK, he still draws Wukong's attention. His sunlight isn't a dumb monkey. He knows what Macaque ignoring somebody looks like (thinking back to the Brotherhood days when Macaque would pretend not to hear Peng's criticisms). And he's still protective over "his cub" whenever MK dodges a shadow attack.

Eventually it comes to a head when they meet just after Lantern City. Macaque is clearly in pain from an icy curse, and isn't saying anything to him. He's aknowledging Nezha sure, but it's like he's pretending Wukong doesn't even exist right now - even as he leaves the King untouched by the powers lended to him by LBD.

Wukong, shouting: "Why are you doing this!? Don't you know that Lady Bone Demon will kill everyone if she gets her hands on the Fire!? Macaque: *silently tries to fly past Wukong towards the ritual sight* Wukong, flying infront of him: "STOP! You've been like this, this whole road trip! Are you possessed? Or are you too much of a coward to look me in the eye!?" (*a small one-sided mid-air fight happens as Wukong beats the everloving crap out of Macaque, slamming him into the rocks below*) Wukong, crying: "C'mon! JUST TALK TO ME!!!" Macaque, sad frown as the ice spreads: "I don't... want to make you choose again." Wukong: "What!? That makes no sense!" Macaque: *goes silent again. Escapes Wukong's hold via shadow portal and books towards the ritual altar*

Odds are Macaque doesn't even force Tang to do the ritual, the ice on his body having spread so much that he can barely whisper "Do it." before the scholar catches on the severity of the situation. Wouldn't be surprised if the shadow monkey stayed with the group afterwards as a "my bad" once the curse was lifted.

Wukong only realises after he confronts LBD and gets her ultimatium what Macaque meant by "choose again"...

[the thought of losing the found family he's managed to gain after spending so long alone makes him falter, he pushed everyone away for centuries until now and he's just started relearning what it's like to have his loved ones around again, he doesn't want to lose them now. but on the other hand the thought of LBD targeting his egg and using their dao to fuel her mech makes him feel physically sick. he can't afford to lose his egg, not after this long. he'd never recover. funny, how it ends up being LBD who gets consumed by the egg. how the tables have turned. as concerning as the egg consuming her initially was, Wukong can't help but smirk and call it hubris.]

In the question of his new family vs his Egg; Wukong would always be left stalling. Wukong def sees LBD'a hubris as her downfall, but admits that she really threw him for a loop when she made the offer. He especially laughs at the fact that the Egg consumed LBD almost in the same fashion it tried absorbing the Samadhi Fire so many years ago - guess his baby found the ancient demoness "less spicy".

BTW I love the art you did for this scene!! Stone Egg had enough of LBD's nonsense and was Hangry, and Bama had spoken some sense into Baba, and now Nom NOM NOMNOM.

[egg was like "troop is here? mate is here now? food is sufficient? now these are prime birth conditions!" *sends Wukong into labor*]

Be post-battle Wukong thinking all his aches and pains are just from his injuries/possession, and not from his baby sending him into extended labor. >:3

Stone Egg knows when the Time is Right. And the troop is all here so... being born time.

[seeing Yuebei look like him and the joy that brings him and Wukong both is def one of the things that makes it finally click. he so easily could have lost this by his own hand, he could've cost Wukong this. in that moment he not only gets over the whole dying thing completely in an instant, he almost feels glad that Wukong did whatever he had to to ensure little Yuebei's safety, even if it was Macaque himself Wukong had to keep her safe from. Wukong def thinks Macaque's "dying squeaky toy" reaction to being asked about what he thinks of Yuebei is adorable.]

Oh gosh Macaque realising that the baby looking like him brings Wukong joy too would make him cry even harder. He almost cost his mate everything by risking the world over his own debt to the Bone demon. Mac would gladly have died all over again if it kept the baby safe.

Wukong, petting Yuebei's big fluffy *glowing* ears: "So cute. What do you think, Plums?" Macaque: *blubbering, dying squeaky toy sound* Wukong, laughing softly: "Me too." *kisses Yuebei's face* Yuebei: *grumpy sleepy coo*

Its a very sappy moment between the pair.

[Wukong and Macaque as DBK's sworn brothers def joke that they always knew he was a big softy. Wukong is laughing at Yuebei trying to kiss Guanyin's tears away whilst also giving Guanyin a big hug. MK loves that he's being referred to as the big brother, even if only honorary. Mei def has hundreds of photos of everyone's reactions.]

PIF isn't far behind her husband either. The tiny precious thing in her arms nearly died in a bid to save her own baby. She plants a big kiss on Yuebei's forehead, forgetting that her lipstick stains. Her husband chuckles, still teary-eyed, at his wife's embarassment at planting a big kiss mark on the baby's head.

Guanyin is at Wukong's bedside, still crying at how beautiful and healthy the long-awaited baby is. And Yuebei is just "why you crying? lemme do the thing everyone did to me when I was crying" and tries planting big wet kisses below Guanyin's eyes. Wukong is just beaming with how sweet the sight is.

MK is having unknown instinctual urge to curl up with Yuebei (his honorary sister) next to the other monkeys. Pigsy laughs that MK did the same with his fave plushie for years.

[it would be even worse considering Yuebei likely has Azure as a "bad voice", so him talking about her Baba would not make her feel any better, even if she can't actually understand what is being said.]

Yuebei has very vague memories of Bad Sounds, like the three Brotherhood hurting her Baba a long time ago. The birdy (Peng, who captured Wukong in the Yin-Yang vase that nearly killed him) gets the fastest response of anger - which only proves to the trio that Macaque is the baby's other parent.

Peng: "Hmph. With these ears, we don't need any guesses on who the other-" Yuebei: *screeches like a banshee when Peng comes closer!* >:O! The Brotherhood: "..." Peng, amused smile: "Though, she's certainly braver than he was." Yuebei: *most intimidating hiss she can muster* Azure, thinking it's like a kitten spitting: "Aww."

Also, Mac is def the kinda guy to use exaggerated versions of the Brotherhood's voices when narrating villain characters in Yuebei's books. The little raspberry noises (or "Boos" as Mac likens them to) she makes at the voices encourages him even further.

With the Brotherhood, Yuebei keeps hearing them talking about her Baba and Bama, and the rest of her troop, but its all in tones that sound super negative and she *hates* it. She just wants her parents!

[Yellowtusk looks at Azure talking about having Wukong at his side at last with an infant (that he was being neglectful of) that so very clearly belonged to Macaque, with Macaque and Wukong seeming to be on good terms these days if Macaque's anger at Azure for imprisoning Wukong in the scroll was anything to off of, and start seeing just how possessive and obsessive Azure really was and just goes "oh, you are a terrible person, actually" and decides that his brothers aren't actually the people he wants to associate himself with.]

By this point Azure is also corrupted by the Emperor's power, so a lot of what he's saying is a mix of geniune yearning, and maddened desire. In the old days, Azure would at least keep these thoughts hidden and focus on the bigger picture. Now he's spiralling down a Caligulan rabbit-hole with Wukong's increasingly-distressed infant in his grasp.

Yellowtusk immediately catches on that this Azure Lion is not the man he called brother anymore. He makes the quick decision to alert someone outside the Celestial Realm for assistance, even if it compromises their successful coup. And considering Yellowtusk is the only one with the sense to feed and bathe the hostage infant, he's not surprised when she turns on Azure and Peng specifically.

[they'd have it like, preserved or something so they could keep letting her use it as a chew toy. if not that then they would have hung it only the mantle place where they've also been keeping LBD's skull for the time being.]

Oh they would have. Wukong def would preserve Azure's tail like a dog's chew toy if Yuebei wanted to keep it. But I think Azure canonically doesn't have a tail - it's not in his design, though in Jttw its's described as "long as a broom". If it were I def see Yuebei throwing Azure around by it like plush toy.

Some of Peng's feathers are stolen too (Yuebei had a mouthful of them) and Macaque and Sandy turned the feathers into a cat toy. Mo and Yuebei both adore it.

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