#and was abandoned as a kid for being weak and sick and a burden and a drain on resources

[canisalbus]

You can't put puppy Machete in a box and not expect your whole follower count to adopt him, this boi is about to be raised by a village and experience so much love.

.

#I think someone pointed this out in the tags #but it's so sweet how in canon he feels unwanted and undesirable wherever he goes #and was abandoned as a kid for being weak and sick and a burden and a drain on resources #but here he wouldn't have to stay in that cardboard box for very long #answered #anonymous #it's just a fictional character but it's hard not to feel sort of mushy about it

[bowiebond]

AU where Billy actually starts to ‘fall’ for Karen, confusing his need for a motherly figure with romantic love and she leads him onto until she ‘can’t do this anymore’ because of her family.

And Steve overhears the conversation because he was dropping off Robin at the pool so she could go on her date with Heather. He’s shocked and then infuriated as he watches Karen drive off, leaving a heartbroken Billy standing there, looking smaller than Steve has ever seen him.

He doesn’t approach him then, knowing Billy might blow up on him, but he comes the next day to the pool and strikes up a chat. Tries to be friendly. His original goal was to make sure Karen didn’t approach the guy again, and anyone even younger than Billy, but the part of him that ached to protect smaller things wanted to make sure Billy’s heart was okay too (and Billy wasn’t small in the slightest, not really, but the memory of his wet eyes, like a child with scrapped hands and knees refusing to cry but unable to help it, that made him seem younger, smaller, to Steve).

Billy is curt, snappy at first, his heart is hurting and he’s been abandoned again. He’s sick of his heart latching onto any scrap of kindness because it’s rarely ever real.

But Steve keeps coming back. Sometimes with the kids, sometimes with his coworker, sometimes just by himself. He talks to Billy. Keeps an eye on Karen when she joins the mothers at the pool. Glares at her with such disdain when her presences alone makes Billy hunch into himself, shades on and picking at the arm of his lifeguard chair.

Karen corners Billy one day because of it, asking him if he told Steve about what happened, that she told him not to do that because it could hurt her family, and Billy didn’t want her children to live in a broken home, did he? Like he did?

Steve only sees Billy after Karen’s left, stopping by the pool after work in hopes of finally coaxing Billy into joining him for a evening at the quarry, maybe dinner, somewhere that wasn’t a pool with screaming kids, where he could maybe bring it all up with some privacy and slip in his relationship with Hopper, the chief.

He promptly chimes into Billy’s distress, the blond wiping his tears away roughly when Steve approaches him in the locker room. He’s mean at first, hating being seen as weak and hating being weak, his heart fragile and breaking all over again because Karen was mad at him now. Her family was gonna fall apart and it would be his fault and that’s a burden that chokes him.

Steve doesn’t let him escape, bringing him in for a hug. It’s firm and warm and Billy tries to push away at first but then he sags and it all tumbles out. Karen already thinks Steve knows, that he talked to him, so he may as well. He’s clinging to his high school rival (one sided at best) and sobbing into his shoulder because his mom - a mother, Karen, Karen’s mad at him.

Billy won’t talk to Hopper when Steve brings it up, after all, it’s not illegal, just wrong, he turned 18 a few months back. He knew what he was doing. He broke his own heart. Pursued a married woman. Steve is frustrated that he can’t do anything, but he promises himself to keep being there for Billy.

And he does. They become close as Steve continues to insert himself into Billy’s lonely life. They become really close.

In a way that makes Steve want to kiss Billy’s tears away instead of wipe them. That makes him want to cuddle instead of just side hug him and pat his back.

In a way that makes him want to remove Karen from his body entirely and replace it with himself.

He refuses to do that though. Not because it’s gay or wrong, but because Billy is fragile despite his act. Steve doesn’t want to hurt him, to force his feelings onto the blond who’s still healing from being groomed.

Billy needs time. So Steve gives him it.

He waits, and he waits, and he’s there when Billy graduates with Nancy. He’s the first to congratulate him, turning him away from Karen who’s there to congratulate her own daughter.

He takes him to dinner to celebrate, asks him ‘what now?’ And Billy just stares at him.

“I want away from here. This town.” Steve gets it. There’s bad memories here for Billy. A lot of Steve’s worst memories are here too.

So he asks him where he’ll go. He’s expecting the answer when Billy says California.

“It’s a nice place from what I’ve heard. Sunny, lots of beaches. I’ll have to visit sometime.”

Billy looks down, picking at the table cloth.

“Would you…come with me? If I asked?”

“…Are you asking?”

He is. And Steve smiles. He should put more thought into it, think about what he’s leaving behind, but he knows even if he spent hours doing so, he’d still say yes.

So he does. He says yes, and Billy lights up like a Christmas tree and it occurs to him that he’s gonna be able to see that every day in California. It sounds too good to be true.

The part that’s too good is when later that night, Steve drops him off and Billy leans across the console to kiss him, quick and soft. Hesitant to see his reaction as he slowly pulls back.

“That’s how it’s supposed to be...” Steve cocks a brow at his mumble.

“What is?” Billy’s eyes widen.

“Nothing.” He opens his door and gets out, tapping the roof of the car. “A week from tomorrow. 10am. Your place?”

“Are we really running away like Romeo and Juliet?” Steve laughs as Billy looks away, almost shy.

“Hopefully without the tragic ending, right?” He looks back at Steve and the brunet smiles softly.

“Agreed. Overdone trope.” Billy looks hesitantly to close the door, to leave, and Steve unbuckles himself to crawl across into the passenger seat and kisses him. Promising the world with just an action.

“You never have to come back. Neither of us do.” Steve whispers and Billy smiles weakly.

“Never, huh?”

“Never. It’s all over.” Gently, he places a hand over Billy’s heart. “You’ll be okay.”

“Yeah. I know.” He knows because Steve will be with him. And he’ll either be his forever or his ruiner. There is no one else Billy will ever want.

He trusts Steve to cradle his heart in those gentle, warm hands and not to dig his nails in like she had.

#billy hargrove #steve harrington #harringrove #tw karen wheeler #tw grooming #this was inspired by Daisy by Zedd

[ningningsplushie]

☆.｡.:*𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝑵𝒐 𝑮𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 - 𝑲𝑻𝑯.｡.:*☆

𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: Taehyung x Reader

𝑺𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: All your life you’ve been sick with a weak heart but through it all is your loving boyfriend Taehyung. He reminds you why you love him after a scary surgery and he takes care of you and babies you relentless

𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 3,070

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: Reader had heart problems so that’s what the surgery was for, mentions of death but NO ONE dies, hospital talk and such, pretty angsty tbh but don’t worry also very fluffy and a happy happy ending!! Probably some medical inconsistencies, I’m very sorry

𝒂/𝒏: EEEEEE this was a request and I really hope you guys like it!!! If you want a request please submit some! I take fluff and angst, NO SMUT and I’ll do drabbles, headcanons, and OT7 reactions!

You never one to take things for granted. For you, what mattered were the small things in life, the almost forgettable moments but once collected enough in the mason jar sitting within your brain, they were little personal belongings that meant everything to you. Instances such as leaning lazily upon your significant other in the morning, sleep and crust still coating your eyes while you both were doing a poor job in brushing your teeth, or buying the strawberry danish that you looked forward to each friday, after your shift at work to end the tiring week with something sweet, or perhaps even just riding the train to classes, listening to whatever new album your favourite artist had released.

You kept all those things close in the confines of your heart as that’s what kept you going, but you realised at the very second you exited the hospital that you would treasure these things even more, if possible, all because just two days ago, you thought you weren’t going to live to see them again the next day.

You were born with a weak heart and as a child it was hard to maintain health due to you being like every other kid; rowdy, curious, and an adventurer. This all took a strain to your heart but it only grew worse as you aged. Everyday you lived in fear of whether or not your heart would give up on you, a scary thought when your anxiety was rooted in abandoning your boyfriend, Taehyung, in death.

“Tete,” You huff. “You really don’t have to push me around in the wheelchair. I can walk on my own just fine.”

“Tete,” You huff. “You really don’t have to push me around in the wheelchair. I can walk on my own just fine.”

“Tete,” You huff. “You really don’t have to push me around in the wheelchair. I can walk on my own just fine.”

Taehyung halts abruptly, a deep sigh escaping from his lips. You turn your head to look at him, one hand on his hip, hiding underneath his oversized blazer, the other pinching the bridge of his nose as his eyes squinted. “Jesus y/n, you just got out of surgery two days ago. Your chest was wide open, alright? Just cuz your surgery was successful doesn’t mean you have to act like an olympian athlete.”

You pouted, downcasting your eyes to your hands folded over your lap. “Yeah but…I don’t wanna be…” You trailed off, not wanting to finish your sentence.

“Uh uh, none of that, I know exactly where your mind is going.” He scolds, pushing you once more out the doors of the hospital. “You never were and you’re never going to be a burden. It’s my duty and honour,” he expressed dramatically in a haughty accent, “as your loving and exceedingly handsome boyfriend to take care of you.”

You couldn’t help but cackle, a loud breathy laugh came from your throat as you tilted your head back. “What a dork,” you snorted.

“Yeah, yeah, but you love my dorkiness.” You do. “And besides,” He reaches over your shoulder, grabbing your cheek. “I wuv taking care of my widdol babyyyy.” He sing-songs in a honeyed voice.

“Teteeeeee,” you whine, swatting his hand away.

He rubs the skin of your cheek before leaning down to press a kiss to the reddened spot and you smell his tart and spicy cologne. His lips trail over the shell of your ear, his black permed hair tickling your forehead whilst it also hides the loving relief of his eyes. “Let’s finally get you home, darling.” 

You sit propped in Taehyung’s bed, a mountain of pillows behind you and a blanket wrapped around your legs and waist. You hear your stomach gurgle, a long uninterrupted sound. As if he’s read your mind, Taehyung prances into the room, a cloth draped over his arm like a waiter. Upon closer inspection, you realise he’s drawn a French-style moustache over his upper lip in what you hope wasn’t sharpie. You have to stop yourself from laughing at the image of Taehyung leaning over his bathroom counter so he could draw his moustache with intense focus. He stops beside your lounging figure and hands you a piece of paper.

“And what would the mademoiselle like?” He inquires in a fancy accent, standing straight in a cartoonish pose of a waiter.

“What’s this?”

“Your menu, mademoiselle.” He’s trying not to break character and you can tell by the way he pinches his lips together, his neck growing red, and the way his forehead wrinkles inwards.

You decide to give in to his shenanigans. “Ahhhhh, I see. And what would you recommend?”

“EvERy-” His voice cracks and he coughs into his fist and you catch the way his shoulders shake in a silent laugh. “Hmmmm, my apologies. Everything. Every item on the menu was curated just for Mademoiselle.”

“Oh? I sure do feel lucky.”

“As you should be. The chef is…quite smitten with Mademoiselle and hopes to impress her.”

“Consider me impressed. I’ll have the macaroni and cheese with garlic bread, please. And a glass of strawberry juice, if you could.”

In a final flourish, Taehyung bows dramatically. “Of course. Your food will be ready in twenty minutes. Please rest until then.”

As he’s about to leave, you call his name. Your boyfriend’s that is, not the waiter. “And Taehyung? Don’t overcook the noodles again.”

You really thought he was going to stay in character but he proves you wrong. His shoulders slump in defeat and embarrassment and he hangs his head backwards, beginning to whine. “y/nnnnnn, that was just once! God, have some more faith in my exquisite culinary skills.”

With his ridiculous antics just now and his adorable complaining you finally let loose your laughter. It’s raucous and inconsistent with you taking deep breaths in between but to Taehyung, it’s music to his ears and he hopes to hear it every single day for the rest of his life.

“Don’t worry, darling. You get the Tete special so it’ll be extra yummy.” He leaves with a wink and you swoon just the way you did the first time you met him.

For a while you browse through your phone, bored and hungry whilst waiting for your food. But after ten minutes, becoming restless from scrolling, you turn it off and just lay with your eyes closed. Nо matter what Taehyung was doing, he always did it with music. Getting ready in the morning, driving to the Hybe building, cleaning the house, whatever. Silence was rare.

Right now he’s listening to Billie Holiday’s There is No Greater Love. You could hear the various clunks of pots, the sink’s running water, and the rusting of boxes and bags, indicating his ingenious cooking prowess.

There is no greater love than what I feel for you. No greater love, no heart so true.

He’s humming along to the song at first, a low and elegant song that reminds you of those nights where you had laid in pain, writhing, gripping your chest and all Taehyung could do was inject a low dose of morphine provided by the hospital for times like that. When your pain had subsided he would stroke and pat your hair as he hummed songs into your ear with tears brimming his eyes to lull you into a drug-induced sleep.

You sigh wearily, wanting to forget that awful pain, the worst thoughts running through your head, thinking that at any moment, you would pass in your sleep and Tae would wake up without you.

Taehyung’s present tinkering in the kitchen rips you away from these worries. Your boyfriend now sings, a timber baritone that would make for a lovely jazz singer, like the very ones he so idolizes.

You’re the sweetest thing I have ever known. And to think that you are mine alone.

His singing spurs you on even more and you watch out the window to somehow calm your mind. You see the sun, full and bright, casting its warm hug on your face despite the chilly autumn months. You see a few birds taking flight, no doubt somewhere south, somewhere much warmer, perhaps back to their little homes. You hear children yelling and cheering from the park across the street, and you’re happy that they get to be free, hopefully healthy, or at least healthier than you were.

You admire such simple yet gorgeous things, the tiny bits of life that shine individual colours of stained glass onto the world that creates life for what it is. All this creates hope, not just for you, but for other people as well, or at least you like to think so. But if all this was so dear to you, if it’s what kept you sane throughout years of physical, mental, and emotional pain, then why are tears streaming down your face in succession so fast, the saltiness of them make you even hungrier and thirstier. Actual, literal hunger, yes, but also hunger to know what peace of mind feels like.

You cry and think some more and a revelation dawns on you. You cry because you were frightened of losing everything. Your family, your stressful yet exciting job, the anticipation for tomorrow, and most importantly, Taehyung.

You would describe him like your rock, solid and never moving no matter what, no matter the circumstances, but a ship, or a small raft was more fitting. He kept you afloat through everything, and when you couldn’t move yourself any longer and couldn’t escape the impending storm, he kept you safe in his arms, in his hold. When there was no wind for your sails to keep you going, he made sure that you and him screamed, into the void or at whatever creator who made the blessed earth and sky but cursed you, so that the gust of air from your lungs would finally push you along.

Prone to over thinking, you thought you were to leave him behind, maybe suddenly in the middle of the day, on a normal evening on a date, in the middle of the night. You thought you were to see him one final time when the doctors wheeled you away into the operating room. That he would wait hours upon hours in the waiting room, filled with coffee and no sleep, hyped up on anxiety and worry, only to get news that the surgery was unsuccessful.

But you were wrong, and for once, you were happy you were wrong. You had never been more grateful for life and for living than you are now, alive, post-surgery, no longer having to be hooked up on machines and depending on medicine.

Staring out the window, you cry some more but you’re also smiling, knowing for a fact that you look insane. But you don’t care. You’re so happy to be alive that you’re overwhelmed with every emotion.

You’re interrupted when Taehyung walks through the door, the food resting neatly on a tray. With his low voice once more, he sings out, “Order for y/nnn! Hope it’s-” He stops when he sees your emotional state and hurries to place the tray on the bedside table.

He sits on the bottom of the bed, immediately and without any hesitation whatsoever, scooping you into his arms. He cradles your entire body, one arm around the back of your neck to press your face into his neck as he rocks you back and forth. The position is intimate, every inch of your body touching and entwining despite the two of you being fully clothed. It’s intimate because he presses his forehead to yours as if he could read your thoughts. It’s intimate because your hearts are connected, separated only by skin and tissue, almost like he could share your emotions. It’s intimate because your arms and legs are mixed together and you could feel the shared thrums of your pulses, an unspoken vow of being together in mind and in body. It’s intimate because you find out he’s joined you in crying, your tears mixing with his, your pain becoming his. You are him, and he is you, and together you have become one.

He holds you like this while your sobs reach a crescendo, a loud wail at one point but slows and simmers down into broken whines, and finally ragged and laboured breathing.

Taehyung pulls himself apart from you and cups your face with both hands and they fully envelop you. “Are you in pain, does anything hurt?”

You shake your head.

“Why were you crying then, darling?” he asks, wiping away your tears by kissing both cheeks.

“It’s so silly, Tete.” You whisper, falling limp against his hold.

“No, no, it’s not,” he rushes, rubbing the tip of his nose against yours. “C’mon, it’s not silly, please tell me, darling.” He’s almost begging at this point because he wants to rip whatever’s ailing you away.

“I was so scared, Taehyung.” Your fists clench, somewhat ashamed that you’re being a baby and creating a fuss.

“I know you were but guess what y/n? You were so so so strong and you did so so so well. Not just for the surgery but everything before that. All the hospital visits, meds, all the pain. You were so brave and I love and admire you for that. If I was in your place I never would have been able to do that.”

You sniffle, rubbing your eyes. “Yes, you woulda. Cuz I woulda been there for you too.”

He chuckles lightly, finding it incredible that despite being vulnerable to him, you were ever the fighter. Always had been and always will be. “Yeah? Is that so?”

“Yeah, cuz you were there for me even though you could have left.”

Taehyung’s silent for a few beats, thrown absolutely into confusion and doesn’t know what to say. “Why would you ever think that, y/n? I never, ever, in a million years, would have left you.”

“I know but it would have been easier and I wouldn’t have blamed you…I feel silly for saying that, though.”

“I understand but not even an army could separate me from you. You’re stuck with me.”

You slap his chest and giggle and again, it’s music to his ears, like little chimes playing in the wind. “You make it sound like a bad thing.”

“Well it’s obviously not!” He fakes offence. “You have the most loving and exceedingly handsome boyfriend.”

Normally you would have playfully scoffed at this but this time it’s your turn to cup his cheek. “Yeah, I do, and I don’t know what I’d do without him.” He leans into your touch and his skin warms up with love. “I love you so much, taehyung. I can’t put into words how much I love you cuz you just jumble up my thoughts but all I know is that I want to stay with you for the rest of my life.”

His eyes shine wide and bright as he perks up. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I wanna fight with you over where to eat every week, I wanna get ready for life with you every morning, and I wanna have debates on which kind of peanut butter is better.”

“Crunchy, obviously.” He quips.

“Disgusting. It’s smooth.”

“Did you mean debates like that?”

You kiss his nose, his cheek, his forehead, his lips. “Exactly like that.”

“You know what I wanna do?” Taehyung asks

“What’s that?”

He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and props you back against the pillows, gently placing the tray of food on your lap, ready to feed you. “I wanna take care of you in big ways and small. I wanna help you relax when your stupid boss is being a meanie, I wanna get your favourite snacks whenever you forget, I wanna do everything with you.”

“Everything? Like what?”

He ponders for a moment but he already has a list inside his head. “Take you somewhere nice, let you see everything the world has to offer. See you accomplish everything you wanted to, see you at my concerts, have you with me when I release my first album.”

“Dedicated to me, of course.”

He firmly nods his head, pouting his lips. “As if I’d have it otherwise.”

“Alright, keep going. What else would we be doing?”

He leads a spoonful of macaroni and cheese to your mouth, watching with a small smile as you chew and swallow your food. “Make horrendous concoctions of food and serve them at big dinner parties with the utmost seriousness and see how people react. Dance around the apartment in our underwear at night.”

He stops feeding you for a moment and he looks down at his lap. “Is that it, Tete?”

“No. I want to settle down with you, have children, grandchildren, a big family. I want to grow old with you, all gross and wrinkly but you’d still be the most stunning. I want you in my life now and forever, y/n.”

“Are you sure you want forever?” You jokingly challenge, heaping more macaroni into your mouth.

He leans forward and grabs your face, pressing multiple kisses upon it. “I’ve never been more sure about something in my entire life.”

Of all the things you had come to love in your life, everything small and miniscule, almost unimportant, there’s no greater love than yours for Taehyung, and his for you.

#bts #bts v #bts taehyung #bangtan sonyeondan #bts au #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts fluff #bts angst #bts drabble #bts reactions #bts requests #bts x reader #taehyung scenario #taehyung imagine #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst #taehyung drabble #taehyung reaction #taehyung x reader #v scenarios #v imagine #v fluff #v angst #v drabble #v x reader

[monkeydluffy19920]

Reasons to love Mugiwaras: Usopp

It’s been ages but here we are again, back with the series  where I share thoughts about why I think a certain (main) character is popular in One Piece.

This series is mainly focused on the canon material but there might be bit about fillers/movies as well to make references on and since it’s impossible to include every single detail here, I try to pinpoint certain things but feel free to add stuff if something is missing :) 

The very first time talked about Sanji and then I wrote about Nami.  This part is inspired by  Luffy vs Usopp amv  (when I realized I  haven’t pondered Luffy vs Usopp much in past).  Now let’s continue the  journey and talk  about  what makes Usopp popular and lovable character (in my opinion).

This  long post might include some unorganized thoughts, repeat and perhaps spoilers, so you’ve been warned!:D

So first thing first about Usopp, in general. He is a great storyteller, a little cowardish but a great friend. Main reason I like in his character is that Usopp is very human. He isn’t the strongest one in the crew, has lots of things he is afraid of but he has a big heart and isn’t afraid to show his emotions.

Like other Straw Hats, he has a sad past too. There isn’t much told but we learnt that Yasopp has been in Shanks’ crew for a long time and Usopp’s  mother died of a illness when he was a kid. Hard to imagine this poor guy had to grow up all alone (basically) and he started lying at a early age.

It’s very heartbreaking to realize that reasons behind his "Pirates are coming”-thing was that deep down the little boy just wanted that his father could return back and he just tried to cheer his sick mom. He could’ve stopped after his mom passed away but maybe it was his way to handle the loss of both parents.

But I think it was really adorable that even though the villagers did seem annoyed by Usopp’s “prank”, then eventually when he didn’t do his daily basis (after beating Kuro) the villagers kept wondering where the sniper was, so this became sort of a “tradition” in his village. It’s great though that his friends a.k.a other members from the Usopp Pirate group decided to keep the traditions alive.

Oda’s way to write characters is amazing and Usopp isn’t an exception. It is clear that Usopp has had a very steady development. Whereas lying and cowardness is partly used as comical reliefs and “running gags” of his, at the same there is much deeper meaning behind his behavior. Lying and storytelling is important part of what makes Usopp who he is and someone would say it’s not healthy but it’s probably where how tends to mask his flaws. We learn later in that deep down Usopp has lack of self-worth and fear of getting abandoned which results that especially before Time Skip he was afraid of unknown and saw himself as a burden due to his physical weakness

Further thoughts are written in “More thoughts about Luffy vs. Usopp-post” but his pride was one of the reason why things escalated with Luffy so badly back then but also the constant fear of not being enough fed all these decisions and he in burst of emotions decided the crew will be better without him. 

Another reason for Luffy vs Usopp fight was his dream.  When entering the Grand Line Usopp told that his dream is to become a  brave sea warrior since he idolizes his father Yasopp a lot. However,  after his real journey on the seas begins so begins his inner crises  because what stands on his way are the limits.  So, before the Time Skip  he wanted to be something he wasn’t.

Usopp knows that brave  warriors are incredibly strong and fearless (like Dorry and Brogy, the  giants from Little Garden who greatly inspire him) and back then he was well aware of the reality (that he isn’t yet ready to be one) and that hurt him and fed his fears and self-esteem problems even more. 

This theme has been going along with Usopp throughout the story. So, although Usopp had learnt slowly to push back his fear and stand up for his nakama in tight situations (for example in Alabasta he was beaten to pulp and still refused to give up and stayed with Nami in Skypiea although Enel was a threat), at the same time they were adventuring, the inner doubts kept stacking, until it exploded badly in Water 7 arc. It’s because he tends to compare himself to the others, especially the Monster Trio (who literally have the monstrous powers).

The robbery of the Skypiea money and the suggestion of replacing Going Merry were definitely the final straws for Usopp and things escalated. Luffy apologized in middle of the bickering but Usopp wasn’t ready to give up on the argument and then challenged him to a 1 vs 1 (perhaps partly to test his strength but mostly because he really wanted to fight for Merry’s future).

Despite being already heavily wounded Usopp didn’t fled from the duel although he could’ve easily trolled them and escape. He still stood up for his policies. Deep down, he didn’t want to back off although he probably knew that Luffy would win eventually. The loss put his remains of self worth into zero point but then on the other hand, later he wanted to help to get Robin back (but was too ashamed to face his captain after the loss and the arguments) so he became an ally as Sogeking

This disguise made him braver but again he was put face to face with his fears and limits when he got almost killed by Jabra. Sanji comes to save him but instead of scolding, the cook motivated him to realize that they need Usopp to trust himself instead of hiding behind the alter ego he created and this is the moment when Usopp started to realize he has unique strengths too.

So, it’s after Enies Lobby that opened Usopp’s eyes for good. After it he starts to see also his strengths (of course sometimes he still gets surprised by his skills but now he is even more skilled). He already proved to be very fast as a battler, very intelligent (good with gadgets, Nami’s weapon is great example of this) and a  very talented sniper. Then after Time Skip Usopp became a source of inspiration in Dressrosa and on top of that he has always been admired by Chopper (who believes his stories). These are some positive influences that has made good for Usopp’s self-esteem. 

That’s not the only character growth though, Usopp has had in my opinion quite steady development throughout the series. First one is in his very own arc. There are more thoughts about it in  Emotional slaps in One Piece-post but shortly said Usopp tries to tell Kaya the truth about her butler but gets an emotional slap instead.  Lying has been a silly entertainment for him but now backfired him, after all it’s hard to be taken seriously if you tell stories all the time and suddenly burst out “the truth”.

Well the slap may have been a “wake up call” so after Syrup Village he gathered his bravery to stand up against Kuro in order to protect his loved ones but then later Usopp’s next big step was in Arlong Park when fools Chuu with his ketchup trick and plans a story how he barely survived and then realizes (when comparing himself to others) that no, he is now a pirate and he needs to do something, literally since his nakamas fight in the frontline too. So he faces his fears, challenges Chuu and wins and this is the first fight he survived all alone! (a great achievement especially when coming to the fact that his equipments were at that time still “rookie level”)¨

Perhaps his interest in building gadgets roots partly from his poor self-esteem. He wants to become stronger too and knows how to build things so why not using the skills for it (let’s not forget that he offered to help Nami to build her a better weapon). 

Another of Usopp’s time was to shine in Thriller Bark when he turned out to be immune to Perona’s ghosts whereas even the Monster Trio (whom he idolizes and compares himself to) couldn’t.  Then when they were separated by Kuma and after Ace died, Usopp became very determined to find a way to help his captain and rejoin and did show lack of fear when meeting scary obstacles. 

After the Time Skip he has changed a lot in a good way. He is now stronger and more confident. He still likes to lie every once in a while but it’s not always to feed his self-esteem, more like force of habit and to entertain (and for comical reliefs). In other words the matured Usopp doesn’t lie just to feel good about himself (now he knows he is a important piece of the Strawhat crew and knows he has abilities to fight off even scary enemies) like he used to.

As a crewmember point of view, Usopp has always been a good handyman in the ship but not only that, he has also been good with mechanics and therefore has had potential even before Enies Lobby.  He can be the responsible adult but also there is this kid-hearted side of his where Usopp puts up with shenanigans.

Luffy and Usopp are definitely best buddies and  and sometimes they have these moments when they share one same braincell *laughs* They also share one common goal: to reunite with Red Hair Pirates crew.  Despite the good and close bond, Usopp took a long time before he started to see Luffy more as his actual captain than a close friend. 

It is mostly because in some ways they are complete opposite: Luffy is physically strong and has an impulsive and carefree nature whereas Usopp tends to hesitate more and has more knowledge and agility instead of muscles. Like written earlier, Usopp had difficulties to keep up with Luffy’s spontaneous and carefree nature.

One of my favorite panels from the whole series is when Usopp takes off his mask and reveals himself to Luffy. He tries to act cool and denies he didn’t come for Luffy’s sake (although he partly did, because he wanted to help too with Robin’s retrieval and didn’t want his captain to give up, since they were so close to their goal). What probably made this whole scenario more powerful was that Usopp  knew how to get Luffy back to the fight and he didn’t hesitate with the motivating, even though they were separated and even offered himself to face Lucci to spare Luffy although he knew he wouldn’t stand a chance. That’s loyalty and bravery, just like when Usopp was beaten into pulp in Alabasta and still stood against Baroque Works once they mocked Luffy. 

What probably makes their nakamaship even more unique is that their arguments lead to the breaking point but they later both understood what to do in order to fix it. 

Zoro and Usopp, when it comes down to this duo, Usopp admires Zoro’s strength and skills (and at the beginning probably is a bit scared of him) and usually seeks protection from the swordsman who seems sometimes to get a little annoyed by this. However, Zoro already showed his loyalty to Usopp in Arlong Park arc where he was ready to slice Nami after hearing she killed Usopp. 

Zoro constantly keeps encouraging Usopp to face his fears and for example doesn’t let him off the hook when they decide by random who is joining Luffy’s shenanigans and also in general probably Usopp sees Zoro as the big brother and the voice of reason too.

Zoro is almost like a mentor to Usopp. Even though the swordsman isn’t that kind of guy who’d show outside the feelings but one can see that he was concerned when Usopp left. Obviously he also wanted the sniper to rejoin but first he demanded a proper apology from the Usopp because of disrespecting their captain (so Usopp could undersrand the consequences of their duel). It sounded ridiculous for some of their crewmates first and even Luffy was ready to welcome Usopp back without bigger fuss but it was very important moment for Usopp to realize this is now the real deal and made him set his pride aside. 

Interesting detail between these two was that Oda made this “role swap” in Sabaody Archipelago. There Usopp (who usually seeks protection from Zoro) is now the one who protects the swordsman and even tried to reason him not to go on the battle (when Zoro was badly wounded), basically it could’ve been anyone who carries Zoro but Oda chose Usopp which is great in my opinion. 

Nami and Usopp get well along together although sometimes the sniper is afraid when the navigator gets angry  but aside of the comical reliefs, Nami is like a big sister to Usopp and they share lot in common: both lost their moms, both are easily afraid of the unknown and both use gadgets in combat.  On the other hand they  both have been great peer support to each other and determined to quit being so dependent on other crewmates and become stronger. 

It is clear that Nami greatly respects Usopp’s skills with mechanics otherwise she wouldn’t have trusted him to build her a weapon so she could battle for Vivi’s sake in Alabasta.  They are often showed as together they are preventing Luffy from doing stupid things by beating him up but on the other hand they are also an efficient duo ending up into various problems in the field (like fighting Enel or when they ended up to explore Thriller Bark with Chopper, “the coward trio” and the latest, when they fought together in Wano against that headbutt-character).  

More importantly, both are very human in their nature (for example when Ace died both were very concerned about how Luffy will cope with an emotional trauma) and for example understand how hard it is to keep up with the rest of the crew.  Both of them also show openly emotions in good and bad. 

Usopp also is aware of Nami’s past (since he and Sanji were the only ones who listened to Nojiko’s story) so for example he got upset to Brook in Mermaid Island arc where Brook dropped unknowingly an insensitive joke about Arlong

So, they do share a special bond and therefore if someone then it’s Nami who understands Usopp’s struggles especially when it comes down to keeping up with the other stronger crewmates and that’s probably why she felt so emotional because of Luffy vs Usopp events (she could definitely feel his pain when he felt the guilt of not being able to protect the money that got robbed by Franky Family but there she proved that money isn’t her priority number 1 and showed much more concern in Usopp’s wellbeing).

Sanji and Usopp, when they first met they ended up arguing (because Usopp didn’t think Sanji treated them equally) but things change in time and they too start to see each others’ good sides.  

Oda makes an interesting way to portray their nakamaship: Usually Sanji acts like he cares only a little for Usopp, but then on the other hand the cook has sacrificed himself in Skypiea for the sniper’s and Nami’s sake and back in Enies Lobby Sanji saved Usopp from Jabra. Sanji was even willing to stand up for his captain and kicked Luffy and told him not to say anything reckless.

Maybe is another running gag it’s seen often that the cook will fearlessly rush into battle while dragging a terrified Usopp with him.  Eventually, in Enies Lobby Sanji was the one to ultimately inspire Usopp to see the value inside himself saying that while he (Sanji) was physically stronger and could do what Usopp could not do, Usopp possessed skill to save Robin and could do what he "couldn't do".

Re-reading Water 7 and Enies Lobby after WCI arc made me understand that Sanji and Usopp have actually much more in common that we thought: both had very isolated childhood without parents, both have had difficulties to keep up with others’ pace (Sanji in past, Usopp in the present).  

Who knows maybe seeing Usopp fighting with his insecurities and especially using in the mask reminded Sanji of his own “iron mask” and the pain behind wearing it. Perhaps this was the reason Oda first made Sanji to convince the others to not to reveal Sogeking’s real identiity (although probably most of them knew who he was) and later choose presicely Sanji to be the one with the speech in Enies Lobby. 

Interesting detail in this setting was that this became a parallel to Arlong Park where Luffy told that he can’t do all things, and now there is Sanji who openly admitted he wasn’t able to win Kalifa (and got bailed out by Nami), only for her and Usopp to be bailed out by Sanji in turn when the wolf man was way too strong for them. It’s just still amazing the way Sanji puts all his trust in Usopp to help them free Robin by telling the sniper: strength comes in many different forms and that even the strongest crewmembers are depending on one another to survive.

Chopper and Usopp also have their special bond and they too adore each other’s skills. Chopper keeps buying Usopp’s tales but also sees him as his hero.  Both of them are openly showing their emotions and are human in that side.

Because Chopper idolizes Usopp, it was hard to him to get rejected by the sniper when Usopp left the crew and Chopper later caught up and tried to talk him back there without good results.  After the Luffy vs Usopp fight Chopper had really hard time because he was forced to choose between his job and friends (when Sanji told him not show pity on a fallen man but later Chopper decided to go with his heart leave Usopp some first aid kit so he eventually chose friendship kindness and what  he thought was right at that moment.  

Sogeking was basically the embodiment of Usopp’s tales and probably he didn’t realize who was behind the mask. Chopper loved Usopp’s alter-ego too though. 

Usopp and Chopper are easily terrified (along with Nami) but even though they are usually scared, the sniper and the doctor make a great fighting team. A great example was that They defeated   Miss Merry Christmas  and Mr. 4 in Alabasta.  

Usopp and Chopper form the “Coward Trio” with Nami and although it’s partly a running gag, there again is some things that combine them and it’s their human nature and (outside chopper) their pretty human strength.

Usopp and Robin needed a little time for their nakamaship to develope. Probably because of Alabasta he was a bit afraid of her and her devil fruit powers (especially when she joked about her speciality to be assasinations). So Enies Lobby arc did also good for their nakamaship. 

Usopp was always willing to help Robin in Water 7 but since the circumstances were a bit difficult he had to do it in a disguise and didn’t even hesitate although he was facing Blueno who is powerful.  By that time Robin wasn’t aware of the crew being split up but despite that Usopp still told her to “have faith in Luffy”.

Just like written earlier, I think it was crucial for Usopp’s character development that Oda made him to be the final piece to the puzzle to help Robin escape from Spandam.  This strengthened their bond for good and it’s not the only time, also in Dressrosa Usopp saved her from being a toy.

What I like the most in their nakamaship is that although Robin loves to tease Usopp with her dark jokes, she also treats him with a big heart, like motherly. It’s headcanonish but I think for example that Robin helps Usopp and the rest of the “Dork Trio” collecting bugs and stuff.

Usopp and Franky had a very  rocky start since the cyborg’s family stole Strawhat Pirates’ money and beat the sniper’s butt. Then Luffy, Zoro, Sanji and Chopper caused a ruckus on Franky House so Franky decided to return the favor by kidnapping Usopp (who at that point had left the group.

Suddenly they started to bond, mostly because they started to talk about ships and it was Franky who managed to make Usopp realize that Going Merry was way beyond repair despite the sniper tried to repair the ship. Despite they didn’t know each other for a long time, Franky was definitely impressed by Usopp’s skills since the cyborg later asked him to join the Franky family.

After Franky joined the Strawhats these two began to bond even more. They both love mechanic stuff (i.e both love to build stuff and Usopp is usually the tester when it comes down to Franky’s inventions) and they enjoy maintaining the Thousand Sunny together and Franky for sure has taught Usopp a lot about shipwrighting since he heard Usopp took mainly care about Going Merry.  

It’s probably just another running gag but Franky compares his bounty towards Usopp’s a lot and frankly spoken he should have at least a bit better bounty in general compared to the fact that he has loads of knowledge (previously held Pluton blueprints) but that’s another story to tell later. 

Brook and Usopp didn’t have it easy too since Usopp was terrified of Brook when they first met. He was openly against the musician to join the crew but once he heard that Brook and Laboon had a connection and after events in Thriller Bark in general, Brook gain Usopp’s trust.

Although they get well along, a couple of times Usopp has become annoyed by Brook’s careless behavior: in Punk Hazard when he was eyeing Nami’s body (when Sanji was swapped into her)  and when Brook accidentally made that joke about Arlong in Mermaid Island.

Jinbe and Usopp, the sniper was understandably hesistant about Jinbe at the first time since Jinbe is not only a former warlord but also was part of Arlong’s Pirate crew. Despite all that the sniper ended up supporting his captain's decision about Jinbe joining their crew and after they’ve known for more, Usopp has  admired Jinbe's attitude and strength and eventually encouraged him to join the crew while calling him Boss Jinbe.

I think from after the Syrup Village and Enies Lobby, one of the most crucial arc for Usopp’s development has been Dressrosa because there he managed to unleash his Kenbunshoku Haki. It was literally a crucial shot because Luffy and Law were in edge of becoming toys. 

Let’s not forget that chapters ago he shot one of the Merry's cannons and perfectly hit his target and the crew managed to escape from Alabasta because he landed a shot on a marine ship which made it crash into another giving them an escape route.  So as said earlier, Usopp has always been very skillful with gadgets and incredible speed. At the first glance slingshot as a weapon doesn’t sound powerful but now to think about it: to land a shot perfectly you needs to be able to lock the position of your target, calculate the exact angle and force and usually you are also put into pressure.  So, Usopp is one of the best examples of underestimated power and indeed deserved all the praise in Dressrosa.

His character history still has room for questions that could have answers such as what disease did Usopp’s mom have? (like could it be cured in future if Chopper’s dream about being able to cure all diseases became true?) or how it will be when Usopp meets his Yasopp for the very first time after a long break? It seems like his dad left when he was very young so probably he mostly knows him based on what his mother Banchina told about him.

Aside from sharpshooting, lying skills and being good at engineering (especially with handheld weapons) Usopp has other talents too such as being a skilled artist and according to sbs he has also is good with hairdressing.  He is also good with gardening because he learnt in that island to cultivate pop greens.

I think one of the funniest running gag is that Usopp is a scaredy cat but one thing he is not afraid is bugs especially spiders. When Nami and Sanji screamed their lungs out because of the tarantellas (while they were looking for South Bird) Usopp casually took that 8 legged thingy to his hands. Hard to say whether his skills in arachnology has come in handy in general but I do like the headcanon that him and Luffy (and Chopper) love to collect bugs together and play with them when they have some spare time. 

All in all, if one should sum up this huge post (that again got carried away *laughs*) it’s that Usopp has made a long journey to the point where he is now standing. He started as a hesistant youngster and has grown now to a strong and (almost) fearless pirate and one day he’ll definitely become the brave warrior of the seas (although he already is one). 

#one piece #usopp #long nose usopp #luffy #zoro #nami #sanji #chopper #robin #franky #brook #monkey d. luffy #roronoa zoro #cat burglar nami #god usopp #vinsmoke sanji #tony tony chopper #nico robin #cutty flam #dead bones brook #nakama #tw: spider #long post #//got carried away *laughs* #//also could've scrolled for a proper screenshot for Usopp and Jinbe but kinda wanted to post this since it's been in draft for ages

[chya-nimations]

OC MasterPost - Kyan Richardson

Basic Information:

Nicknames: Key Age: 16 (Outside) / 18 (AUs) Height: 5′11″ / 180cm Birthday: Dec 31 Personality Type: ISFJ / 6w5 Build: Very thin Eye color: Hazel Hair Color: Blonde Skin tone: Pale with yellow undertones Other features: Freckles Ethnicity: Irish Blood type: A Handedness: Left

Likes:

-Chocolate -Nox -Stability -Reading

Dislikes:

-The unknown -People with big egos -Making decisions without thinking them through -Most people tbh

Love Language: Quality Time / Acts of Service

Favorite Color:  Green

IQ: 142

Traits:

Intelligent, witty, analytical, resilient, sarcastic, compassionate, humble

Backstory:

Kyan was born with a dysfunction of his autonomic nervous system called Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome (CVS), that weakens his health and his brain’s neural pathways between his brain and his stomach.  Because of this, Kyan always had a hard time gaining weight or muscle, and his weakness lead to him being an easy target to bullies.  Struggling heavily with feelings of hopelessness and insecurity, Kyan began his fight with Self h@rm, to which he did between the ages of 12 and 13, until he met Nox, and she helped him get clean.  Kyan’s a bit of an anxious mess sometimes, and with his CVS often being triggered by anxiety, he often falls into episodes of illness, but Nox supports and loves him through it.

Relationships:

Mother:

Kyan’s mother, Helen, never wanted a second child.  After accidentally becoming pregnant with Kyan 6 years after the birth of her first child, Julia, Helen didn’t want to give up her lifestyle of drinking and partying, so, in secret, she continued to feed into her addictions, causing damage to Kyan’s nervous system in the womb, causing him to be born with his Autonomic Dysfunction (CVS).  After being born premature with serious health issues, doctors were wary about the possibility of his survival, but he managed to pull through.  Growing up, Helen felt burdened by Kyan’s health issues, and refused to comfort him when he was sick.  Over time, her neglect turned into psychological, emotional, and physical ab*se.

Father:

In all of my AUs as well as in canon, Kyan never knows his father, and in the AU I write most frequently in (my base IRL Au), Kyan’s father was put in prison shortly after Kyan was born, after he attempted to murder Helen after finding out about the things she did when pregnant with Kyan and the permanent effects it would have on their child.  After his sentence, Helen moved their family and refused to tell Kyan where his father was, nor tell his father where Kyan was.  She told Kyan that he had abandoned him because he was too high-maintenance, in order to shut down any questioning to the whereabouts of his father.

Julia (older sister):

Julia, Kyan’s sister, was his only supporter throughout his childhood.  Despite being the family favorite and the “golden child”, Kyan never grew to resent her.  She would always comfort him when he was ill, put on a movie he liked, read him stories, or just sat and rubbed his back in silent comfort.  When Kyan was 12, Julia had a difficult decision to make: leave home and go off to a University to pursue her career goals, or stay at home and remain her brother’s caretaker.  She ended up choosing the former.

Nox Willows:

Nox is Kyan’s best friend and love interest.  The two met on a school trip when they were 13 years old, after sitting side-by-side on the train ride over.  Kyan, at the time, was struggling heavily with SH, and was actively trying to starve himself to death.  Nox noticed him struggling heavily, and offered support, and through her genuine care for him, Kyan started trying to live again.  Kyan quickly developed feelings for Nox, who friendzoned him for 3 years before they started dating at age 16.  Realizing quickly that there was no one else they could ever feel as “right” with, the two get married at age 18.

Ilyana (future daughter):

Kyan was always a little anxious about having kids, so when Ilyana, his first born, turned out healthy and strong, it was a massive relief for him.  Ilyana was an easy kid to raise.  She was independent, did well in school, and never talked back, and so Kyan never felt a struggle with being her father.  He’s very protective over his daughter, and though she’s his parenting “guinea pig”, his mistakes as her father were few and far between.

Garett (future son):

Garett was born 5 years after Ilyana, but unlike his sister, he didn’t hit the health lottery.  He was born weak and frail, taking after his father’s poor health, and Kyan instantly blamed himself entirely for it.  When Garett fell ill or struggled with any health-related-issue, Kyan turned the other cheek, unable to care for him out of an immense feeling of self-hatred and blame.  Kyan never had a positive parental figure, and because ab*se was his norm growing up, he didn’t realize the pain neglect would inflict on his and Garett’s relationship.  It isn’t until Garett’s 18 that he confronts his dad about how he treats him, and Kyan swears to be better, heartbroken at the realization that in his own way, he was a terrible parent himself.

Other:

Allergies:

Kyan is allergic to cinnamon, peppers, shellfish, mushrooms, and pineapple, in that order of severity (worst to least).

Food Palette:

Kyan has a bit of a sweet tooth, and gravitates towards sugary snacks.  However, he can’t stomach spicy food.

Music taste:

late 90′s / early 2000′s alt, sad indie music

Examples: Radiohead, Roar, Billie Eilish

Prescriptions:

Kyan takes promethazine symptomatically for his nausea.

Future occupation:

Kyan goes into software development and works remotely because of the lack of leniency in full time in-office positions with sick days.

Mental illnesses:

Generalized anxiety disorder, depression

Stutter:

Kyan had a stutter when he was a kid, but through long speech therapy exercises with Nox in his early teens, it got a lot better, and only shows itself when he’s anxious. He specifically struggled most with t’s, m’s, and b’s, but would also occasionally repeat words if particularly stressed or overwhelmed.

Style:

Body Type:

[purpleshadow-star]

I want a moment in season 5 where it's the whole cast/party vs Vecna. It's a stand-off. Will is somehow in the front of his own group, facing Vecna. And Vecna tears into all of his deepest insecurities to try and convince him to leave his friends and join him.

Saying things like the year after you left us, everyone treated you like you would break. No one believed you were strong enough to stand on your own. And last summer everyone refused to play your game with you. They said it was childish, at least until you left. Once you were gone, they joined a new group. What do you think was the problem that summer? The game, or you? And your friends abandoned you as soon as someone better came along. They ignored you all summer, they didn't care to reach you after you left. I've seen in your mind. I know no one cared when you were gone. Eleven got letters and phone calls, what did you get? And they will never accept you for who you are. He will never want you the way you want him. They will continue to treat you like a burden, only caring about you when you can help them and when they feel obligated to save you. You will never receive from them the same amount of love and care that you give.

The rest of the party would be held back somehow, yelling at him that it's not true, we love you Will, don't listen to him, we're sorry, we care, but Vecna's voice drowns them out.

Join me, Will Byers, he'd say. And we can make them pay. We can show them that you are not weak. That you deserve their respect. We can shape this world into a place where people like us are not cast aside. They don't deserve you. You deserve better. With me, you will have respect. We can reshape this world into something better, together. Join me.

And Will, he'd hesitate. Just for a second. He considers it because, well, it's true. He's sick of being treated with kid gloves. He's sick of being perceived as weak and someone to be saved. He's tired of being ignored and cast aside. He knows that the party probably won't accept him once they learn the truth about him. He does deserve better, and he knows it. He gives his friends and family so much love and care, and gets barely even half of it in return. Mostly just from his family.

Will would look back at his friends for a second, everyone near or in tears, yelling at him, trying to reassure him, and only think of the times they were awful to him. Ignoring him all summer, the fight in the rain that lead to the destruction of Castle Byers, the lack of communication when he left despite his best efforts to keep in touch.

Vecna would say then, they are simply trying to make sure they keep your loyalty. They know how dangerous you could be. They say these kind words and apologies now, but they would go right back to ignoring and underestimating you if they got out of here alive.

And just like that, Will snaps out of it. He would turn back to Vecna and tell him I know that I deserve better. I don't get nearly the same amout of love back as I give out, and sure I get frustrated sometimes over how they treat me, but they're still my family. They've saved me again and again and now it's my turn to save them. They might not really love me, but I love them, and I refuse to help you kill them and countless other innocent people. We might both be mad at the world and we might both have been treated like crap, but the difference between you and me is that I have people I love, people I want to protect. You've never loved anything.

Cue an epic showdown against Vecna and after, many tearful apologies to Will for how he's been treated over the years since he was first taken into the Upside Down.

I want the other characters to feel the consequences of their actions. To actually be unsure, for a second, whether or not their actions drove their friend to the dark side. I want the to feel the anguish.

I just think that would be neat.

#I love the idea of Will almost giving up but ultimately chosing to do the right thing #will byers #vecna #strangerthings #stranger things 5 #stranger things 5?

[allmightluver]

**bnha spoilers** I'm just sat here with renewed realisation of what All Might is going through. 40 years. /40 years/ he held and refined that power and dedicated his every waking (and sleeping if Vigilantes is anything to go by) moment towards the goal of defeating AfO and creating a society in which people could feel happy and safe. And now as it turns out AfO is still alive, society is broken and he has given a literal piece of his soul to this young boy leaving himself with only phantoms

Yes. I don’t think people quite grasp what all he’s going through.

It’s been shown recently to us that some, if not most, heroes have underlying ambitions in becoming a hero. Whether for money, glory, fame, popularity, doesn’t matter. They’re ultimately in it for themselves. Toshinori’s intentions from the beginning have been the most pure- he wanted to be a symbol that people can look to and know things will be ok. A symbol of hope. This boy was only around 14 years old when he decided this. What kind of 14 year old sees the world that clearly? Sees that people have no hope, that a veil of darkness covers them. The only thing I can think of is- Toshinori did not have a good childhood. Something had to have happened to a boy that young to stop seeing the joy in life so early, and see the world’s flaws. Truthfully, I believe he was an outcast- due to his quirklessness. Most likely an orphan, perhaps abandoned by his parents, as we’ve never seen him have any family. I do truly believe Toshinori has been alone all his life. I don’t doubt more could have happened to him as a child before he met Nana. 

Some may argue that Izuku is the same age, and therefore it shouldn’t be that hard to see why Toshinori wanted to be a hero at such a young age. BUT, Izuku had someone to look up to, ever since he was a child of four years old, to inspire him to be a hero his whole life *cough cough* All Might. Izuku also was quirkless, much like Toshinori, and an outcast because of it (hence where I assume Toshinori was much the same). But ultimately, Izuku wanted to save people because he saw his hero do it. It really wasn’t until Izuku was a bit older, has been in UA, has been on rescue missions, has seen what the heroes see, that I think he’s truly realized how dark the world really is. Toshinori didn’t have that. He didn’t have someone to inspire him as a child, someone to look up to, a hero to inspire him to help others. At that time, heroes hadn’t become as popular as they are in present times. Toshinori saw the world for what it was, on his own, at a tender age. I think that day Nana ran into this blonde hair kid, she eyed him up, noticed his scraggly form, looked into those captivating blue eyes, and saw a man who’s lived through the world’s horrors- experienced the worst it has to offer-, and wants to save everyone he can from the same fate, all in a 14 year old boy. 

Then after only a few short years with the woman he saw as his mother, she’s killed in front of him because of his own weakness- he wasn’t strong enough yet to protect her. The only other person his life, Gran Torino, literally abused him. He beat him to a pulp, taking his own emotions out on a teenager, and I doubt Toshinori said anything of it. He probably thought he deserved it. He’s still afraid of Gran Torino to this day, remembering the beatings and expecting more for his failures- even if he doesn’t know what they are surely he’s at fault for something, but he’s the only person who’s stood by his side for this long. Even while at a distance, and spouting nothing but criticisms along the way. But Toshinori had to put aside his own emotions to be that hope for everyone. He left everything he knew to go to a new country on his own, to learn how to be a hero, to be that hope for someone.

Vigilantes showed us just how hard he worked. Toshinori literally stayed awake with no sleep for days on end- 3 in the chapter I’m referencing- because people needed help, people needed saving, and no one else stepped up. He fought villains, rescued civilians, repaired damage, cleared rubble, (even accept and eat food that was against his dietary restrictions after his injury) whatever the public needed, all while draining himself further. He worked himself to the point of exhaustion because he had no help, once literally falling asleep while mid-leap across the city because he simply could go no further. 

^^These happen in succession of each other^^

No one stepped up to say “Hey, Mr. Number 1, you’ve been working hard lately. Let me help you!” No one tried to take over his position. Even the Number 2 hero, Endeavor, never tried to take some of his burden. His only goal was to try to be better than All Might in terms of power- he was never trying to be the hero that the people relied on All Might for. Everyone relied on him when things looked grim. He was the back up plan. And all of this happened before Toshinori’s injury. 

The only thing he ever wanted to do- help people- he can’t do (at least the way he’s always known how to). The ability to save people has been taken from him in the most gruesome way. He was finally able to fight the man that killed Nana, and in a rage that I’m sure echoed with all of the emotions of the previous users, he smashed that man’s head like a grape. But not without consequence. Several organs are gone. The pain is excruciating. He wears that man’s mark on his body for the rest of his life, never truly able to rid himself of the filth.

Then we have Nighteye’s betrayal. The man that helped him as a sidekick, the man that grew to be his only friend. Now some people may ask why Toshinori flipped like he did to Nighteye looking into his future when he was concerned about him making it through his injury. What I believe is Toshinori didn’t want to know when he would die (and really, who does). Now he knows he’s on a time limit, knows the clock is ticking. Time is running out to keep the world at peace, and with him as he is now, how long can this go on? 

I think the betrayal, doing something that Toshinori specifically asked him not to do, is what hurt the most. How can he trust Nighteye anymore? He already can only count on one hand the people he can trust, let alone befriend.

He’s wasted away into a skeleton, a shell of the man he used to be. He can’t over exert himself without his only lung bleeding in protest. It’s canon in the side books that he really doesn’t eat much, which isn’t good for his diet without a stomach now (he’s supposed to have several small meals a day). He is quite literally punishing himself by starving. (Granted, he doesn’t feel hunger anymore.) He’s a sick man, beyond medical help at this point. They can only stabilize him and hope for the best. For five years now he’s in constant pain, every day. He loses blood like sweat. Surely his veins are bruised and collapsed with how many times he would have needed to be hospitalized. Whether from losing too much blood, being too dehydrated or starved from “forgetting” to eat, or an organ failing as body continues to fall apart. “...even as my body rots and grows frail...” - Toshinori People are bound to stare at him as he walks down the street. A tall, willowy, skeleton with a grimace on his face and blood stains on his clothes as he coughs up more into his own hands. There would be the ones who outright ignore him when they walk by, the people who offer pitying smiles and sympathetic glances or just outright stare, and then ones who are afraid of his appearance- children screaming at the mere sight of him and running to their parents to hide from the monster. Each one is another knife in Toshinori’s side, an ache in his chest. If only they knew who I really am.

Losing Nighteye took a toll on his hero work as well. Mirai was a huge help in the past, and took care of all Toshinori’s paperwork, while also reminding him to take care of himself. Without him, Toshinori was even more buried beneath his responsibilities. Plus, now he was on a time limit. He even snapped briefly in his first meeting with Tsukauchi, accidentally revealing himself as All Might because he was under too much pressure, and telling the detective he literally couldn’t handle doing everything by himself (who graciously took over the paperwork side of things for him). 

He was living a double life now, having to lie to people left and right about who he was while in his small form, about how he became so sickly, why he was here in the first place who the heck is this skinny old guy. Surely he had multiple visits to the doctor while continuing to repair the damage done by AFO (there’s a limit to how much the body can handle at once. And things I’m sure continued to fail as time went on). Then he would be bedridden for as long as the doctors could keep him strapped to a bed, until he couldn’t take the people’s cries for help any longer, and would jump into action. (It’s also revealed he has something of a super hearing- able to hear danger- which may have been a form of danger sense of OFA that was never fully unlocked?. Either way, he surly could sense disasters happening while he could only lay and heal from his latest surgery. Those poor doctors must have had to re-stitch him several times). People blame him for not preparing society for his retirement, that he failed in passing on the torch so to speak, but in reality he did everything possible to keep society from falling for 40 years, doing all within his power just to keep things afloat. He is only one person. One human being, he can’t do everything despite trying to. Society failed All Might.

People blame him for not being a good teacher. He didn’t exactly have the greatest teacher himself to learn from. He’s never had to teach anyone anything, he just punches! He’s learning. And for his own credit, he’s an incredibly wise man, he has years of experience under his belt, and an intelligence score of 6/6, scoring up there with Nezu! He may not always have the right way to bring something up, but he’s doing his best. Yet even he blames himself for Izuku not being able to control his quirk better. Every time the boy hurts himself, it’s just another tally on the chalkboard of Toshinori’s failures. He himself knows the boy deserves better, better than him. Useless. Pathetic.

Then his friend from America, Dave, essentially became a villain trying to preserve Toshinori’s legacy after Toshinori told him about his injury. Dave went behind his back, threatened people, injured people (pretty sure people died), all for Toshinori’s sake. Something he didn’t want to begin with. Having to put your only other friend in jail for trying to help you surely couldn’t have been easy.

Oh, by the way? All For One isn’t dead. All Might will fight him again, publicly, have his weakened form exposed to the world, and have his own emotions toyed with as he finds out about his master’s grandson in the villain’s hands. Would Nana hate him for leaving her son alone like she’d asked, and dooming her grandchild to be raised by the greatest villain? Could he have done anything to save him? But Toshinori isn’t allowed to feel, he has to smile and push his own feelings aside once again, because there’s a villain to be fought, and only he can fight him. Despite coming out on top, he’ll have suffered severe head trauma, broken left arm, destroyed right arm, and several cuts and bruises that are sure to scar. And then, his quirk, the only thing that’s been allowing him to help people, the gift given to him that he carefully held for 40 years and molded into his own until his very consciousness was permanently carved into it, blows out like a match in the wind. And he’s done. Used up. Empty. Broken. Hollow. Alone, again.

He overhears his student, Bakugo, admit that he blames himself for All Might’s retirement. If he hadn’t been captured, All Might wouldn’t have had to save him, and he wouldn’t have had to fight AFO. Of course Toshinori knows that’s not true, his time was about to run out anyway. It would have happened one way or another. But how can he explain to this child that he wasn’t the cause of his hero, the world’s greatest hero, fighting for his sake, bleeding for his sake, being forced into retirement to keep him safe. Every time Bakugo sees the bandages covering Toshinori’s body is another reminder of the pain and sacrifice Toshinori willingly gave to keep him safe. Toshinori wasn’t held when his mentor died. He wasn’t told it was ok to be sad, that grief and mourning was a natural process, that it takes time to heal. He wasn’t told it was ok to cry. Instead his feelings were beaten out of him as he wondered if Gran Torino blamed him for Nana’s death. He already blamed himself How then, does he comfort a child mourning for him? For what he lost.

And then he gets the call to come to the hospital. Mirai, Nighteye, his old sidekick friend, has been gravely injured, much like he himself was only a few years ago, and most likely won’t survive the night. And to his horror, Nighteye is happy to see him, smiles at him, says he doesn’t hate him for what happened, only wants Toshinori to be happy. He can’t accept that, at least let him apologize, reconcile his sins before it’s too late! But it is. Another fractured piece of his heart gone.

Of course, seeing your students beat up and their arms completely destroyed must have hurt. Instead of being able to save these kids, they’re the ones that hurt themselves to save everyone else. And if Bakugo had kept OFA, things could have been very different (especially with what we know now of OFA and people with quirks). Toshinori wasn’t mad at Izuku for transferring it away, he’d never regret choosing Izuku, and I believe he still would have stayed by Izuku and Bakugo’s side should it have stayed in Bakugo, doing whatever he could to help.

As he tells Aizawa, “I’ve decided to live,” -that statement seems so melancholy, besides obvious reasons. It sounds more like another task he has to accomplish. He didn’t die he was supposed to die with the AFO fight, and now the whole life he lived is over. The world has no use for him anymore. If not for Izuku, he’d have nothing left keeping him here. But because his boy made him promise to live, he’ll do so. Though it almost seems like he says those words with regret. “I’ve decided to live.” Not, “I’m going to live!” “Nothing can kill me!” “I won’t go down without a fight!” No. “I’ll live if I have to, only because you asked me to.” The man is obviously and outwardly depressed. He has so many things against him. No doubt has severe PTSD, anxiety, among others. Not to mention his own physical health. Every day hurts. It’s painful to be alive. Why would he torture himself if he doesn’t have to? For you, my boy. You’re the only thing keeping me here. The only light in my dark world.

He tries to help Izuku find out the previous holder’s quirks, to help his boy in any way he can now that he’s worthless, and goes days on end without sleep, running his body into the ground. He even forgets Christmas. Only to find that by giving the boy the same gift he had received, he may have just doomed him to an early death, among psychological torture (danger detection). (Granted, he really doesn’t know how everything works, and he’s afraid to talk to anyone about it). His boy could live only half a life.

It’s only been a few months since he retired, and society has fallen into shambles. People are blaming him. People are dying. He watches helplessly as his colleague fight his fight for him, and end up battered, bruised, crippled, dead. He students, his boy, battle the monster he should have killed. Children are bleeding. This shouldn’t happen. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Is everything he worked for, everything he fought to protect, to build up, to inspire, is all for naught?! Did he live a foolish dream and doom the world? Was all the the friends he lost, tears he shed, the organs he destroyed, the pain he endures on a daily basis from the hole in his side, and the blood he continues to bleed every day, for nothing? The public, the ones he protected for so long, mourn his absence, but surely there are those among them who also blame him. The statue from his last fight in Kamino one that he never asked for was decimated in a mock of his catch phrase- the one that was supposed to give hope.

Now he can feel his own vestige speaking with Izuku in the OFA realm, even with out OFA in his own body anymore. His clock as nearly reached it’s limit, Nighteye’s prediction is due any day now. The only thing he wants is to see his boy smile at him, to give him some shred of hope. Yet the child remains unconscious, and Toshinori can’t even hold his hand from the bandages covering his arms. Will he still be able to fight? Is there any coming back from this now? Did I break him?

With all Toshinori has been through, I’m honestly surprised we haven’t seen him just outright break down. Anyone, anyone, else should have crumbled under the pressure of holding up the world for 40 years alone. And instead of being able to pass it on to someone when he can no longer bear its weight, it simply falls to into the abyss. People don’t credit All Might enough for everything he’s done. Most don’t realize the sacrifices he’s made. His character is so unbelievably profound and deep, it’s more than just the “I am here!” people focus on. He’s a deeply troubled, layered, complex character. And I can’t find fault within him.

#Lover talks #meta #toshinori yagi has depression #ask me #People seriously don't realize how deep and important his character is #not just to the show #but to everyone- he's a symbol in multiple ways #he's a symbol of imperfection #of imperfect people #of their struggles #and the good that can come from them #Toshinori Yagi #All Might #bnha #mha #mental illness #dadmight #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #chronic illness #mental health #spoilers #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #boku no hero academia spoilers #my hero academia spoilers #mha 304 #bnha 304 #my hero academia heros rising #heros rising spoilers

[wardenannie]

A lot of baby/pregnancy fic tends to focus on the end of pregnancy/the beginning of the baby’s life. But I wanted to do a little character study into Levi, so here he is over the course of 10 hours after learning Hange is preggo~  (mildly nsfw)

Ao3

10 Hours

Hour 0

 “So...” She faces away from him. Her single eye locked on the sky beyond her window. Hange Zoe, fourteenth Commander of the Survey Corps, will not turn to face him. She is sat at her desk, hands folded on its top. Levi cannot see her expression, but he expects that it is as grim as her tone. 

He braces himself for bad news. 

“I’m pregnant.” 

The birds beyond the window stop singing. The clouds cease their trek across the cerulean sky. Levi’s breath is stuck in his chest, a painful lump between his lungs. 

“Come again?”

This time she does look at him, pinning him to the floor with an emotionless glance over her shoulder. 

“Pregnant. Expecting. Vertically impaired bun in the proverbial oven.” 

The short joke is lost on him. He exhales sharply, like someone punched him in the gut, “Oh.” 

Hange sighs and resumes her staring out the window, “Just think on it. You don’t need to say anything right now.” 

Levi swallows thickly and gladly takes the excuse to exit the room. His head is spinning, heart thundering in his chest. Pregnant. It doesn’t feel real yet. 

He retreats to the relative safety of his quarters. 

Hour 1

Levi punches a hole in his wall with a snarl. Untoward anger radiating through his limbs. 

Sheetrock and plaster rain down, dirtying his pristine floor, further incensing him. He kicks a second hole in the wall, shouting with the impact of his booted heel. More debris falls. 

He paces back and forth, occasionally tugging a hand through his hair. He’s sweating, he feels filthy. 

But he knows that Hange isn’t lying. This is not the sort of sick joke she would pull. But they had been so careful, hadn’t they? 

He replays the penultimate moments of their last few encounters over in his head, and quickly realizes that they haven’t been as careful as he’d thought. There is nothing quite like losing himself in the depths of Hange... Commander Hange. 

Shit. He curses himself and perches on the foot of his bed, resting his head in his hands. 

What the fuck is he supposed to do now? 

Hour 2

Eventually he finds himself spread eagle across his bed. His eyes trace along the wooden grain of the ceiling. His head still spins when he thinks too deeply about anything, and a strange ache has settled into his chest, like a fist around his heart. 

Does he love Hange Zoe? Would it be fair to bring a child into the world if he didn’t? 

They’ve never said the words aloud to one another, but he knows in his heart-of-hearts that he does love her. She anchors him to reality, instills in him a drive to live where there might have only been despair. 

His fists clench and unclench rhythmically in his linens. Levi shuts his slate eyes and breathes deeply, trying to calm and steady himself. 

He is in love with Hange Zoe. He can admit that to himself now, in what feels like the most dire of circumstances. 

But can he love a child? Is there enough room in his heart? 

He rolls onto his side and covers his face with a pillow. 

It still feels unreal. A bad dream playing out before his waking eyes. 

Hour 3

He oscillates back into denial, then anger. 

Who are they to bring a child into this terrible, cruel world? An Eldian child, a scapegoat, a martyr for Marley to string up and burn. 

She has to be lying. Hange cannot possibly be telling him the truth. No Walls, no Gods, no omnipotent powers could be so terribly sordid as to bring an infant into the world now. Not while they are on the brink of war. 

Hour 4

He remembers his childhood; years spent wasting away in a whorehouse. Starving while his mother wasted her ill-gotten wages on booze. Levi was a bastard, fatherless. The only male role-model he’d ever had was Kenny, and look where that had gotten him. 

“I can’t be a father,” he whispers into the dying light of his quarters. 

He doesn’t know how. 

Hour 5

He takes his supper in the mess hall when he would normally eat within the privacy of his quarters. He hopes that the noise might distract, that interacting with his... his kids... might help him to better grasp his current situation. 

The irony of it isn’t lost on him as he sits in silence amongst his young comrades. In a way he has been a father to them where their own had become titan food. 

He watches Sasha scarf her food with abandon, Connie teasing her between his own hearty mouthfuls. He watches Jean roll his eyes at the two of them, then take a moment to proudly pet the patchy stubble that has begun to grow in around his chin. 

Levi listens to Armin excitedly pontificate to Mikasa and Eren about Marlean cuisine and meal customs. Mikasa listens on in contented silence, a small smile on her lips. Eren’s eyes are distant, like he isn’t listening at all. 

Levi wants to smack him on the back of his head. The twerp has been acting up a lot more as of late. Secretly, it worries him. 

His kids. 

Who needs a baby when they have it this good? 

He sighs and looks down to his tray, food untouched. 

They’re Hange’s kids, too. 

Their baby. Theirs. 

Hour 6

He returns to his quarters, stomach tied up in painful knots. He remembers Kenny, how the man had taught him the cruel, ruthless ways of the Underground. 

He remembers Isabel and Furlan. How he had allowed himself to love so selflessly only to be burned and brutalized in the end. What if that happened to Hange? Hange who he had come to rely on more than anything, anyone. Childbirth was a dangerous thing, everyone knew that. Even with the new, fancy anti-biotics being imported from the mainland the risks were high. 

What if he lost her? 

Her remembers Erwin who he had loved as a father, a brother, a martyr and a dear comrade. He remembers his Commander dying on that rooftop in Shiganshina. He remembers the blood. Icy blue eyes cold and dead as Hange peeled back his lids. 

Levi’s stomach rolls and he flips his upper half over the side of the bed and promptly vomits onto the floor. 

Behind his eyes an image has begun to take shape. Hange laid out in bed, naked from the waist down. Bloody, sweaty, weak and dying as a shapeless creatures squalls on her chest. 

“No,” Levi rasps, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

He feels so weak, so helpless in the face of this indominable thing. The sleep that takes him is unbidden and restless. 

Hour 7

Levi dreams of a cabin tucked away amongst the massive boles of the trees beyond wall Rose. Smoke rises from the chimney, filling the crisp forest air with a pleasant, homey smell. 

Sunlight breaks through the canopy and speckles the ground. Everything is bright and beautiful and alive. The simple wooden door of the cabin beckons to him, and he is helpless but to answer its call. 

Inside the space is cozy and quaint. The kitchen and living area inhabiting the same space. Hange is waiting for him, sitting on a small, plush sofa. She isn’t wearing her eye patch, revealing the milky iris and silvery scar she usually guards so carefully. 

“Levi,” she beams at him. For a moment he is stunned by her simple, unkempt beauty. 

He knows he is meant to be anxious over something, but suddenly he cannot remember what it is. 

He sits down beside her takes her face between his hands and kisses her. 

I love you, he wants to admit the truth. He’s ready. But his lips will not part. The words will not pass his tongue. 

When they part Hange’s expression darkens, long shadows falling over her hawkish features. 

“Levi...” she breathes. 

Shadows begin to creep in from the corners of the cabin. The walls suddenly feel as though they are caving in, and suddenly his peaceful dream has become a nightmare. 

“You’re pregnant,” The sound of his own voice is alien and distant in his ears. He feels small. Smaller than usual. Miniscule and helpless. Why can he speak now? 

Hange nods and then the pair of them are besieged by shadows. 

Hour 8

Levi sits bolt upright in his bed, sweat is gathered on his brow and sharp shivers wrack his limbs. He pants and wipes his face with his palm. 

“Fuck,” he curses. 

He’s used to nightmares, but more often than not Hange is in bed beside him waiting to soothe them away. 

Here, in his quarters, he is completely and utterly alone. 

Levi doesn’t want to be alone anymore. 

He tugs on his boots and stumbles out into the hallway, not caring how disheveled he must appear to any passers-by. He wants to be with Hange, he’s cursing himself for leaving her alone to begin with. 

How selfish does that make him? He’s not the one bearing the brunt of this burden. It isn���t his body and life that are at risk. What must she be feeling now? All alone because her lover left her in a fit of selfish upset. 

When he reaches her door he doesn’t bother to knock. It opens with a rush of air and he finds her where he left her; sitting at her desk, gazing out the window. Her elbows rest on the dry ink of a half finished letter. 

“Levi?” She spins sideways in her chair, facing him entirely. 

He shakes his head and closes the distance between them in two easy strides. He seizes her face between his hands and kisses her roughly, because he isn’t good with words, so he’ll show her how he feels. 

“Mmpf!” She makes a noise of surprise, but then she melts into him, hands lifting to rest on his chest, then caressing around to link behind his neck. 

When they part she gives a small, sad smile and says, “I didn’t think I’d see you again tonight.” 

“I was being an idiot,” Levi grunts, and he helps her to her feet. “A selfish idiot.” 

“No you weren’t, Levi. It’s a lot to take in, I know,” her thumb brushes his lower lip. “I love you.” 

Hour 9

The words are difficult to speak, so he shows her out he feels. He shows her in the reverent way he peels her clothes from her body, the rough, desperate caress of his touch, the slide of his thin lips over her chin and collarbones and breasts. 

He holds her hips and kisses from her navel to her abdomen, and he kisses her there too because despite everything he does want this baby. He loves this baby already, because it is him and it is Hange. The best of the both of them taking shape in her womb. 

Levi abandons all gentleness as he makes love to her. It is animal. Primal. His hands will leave bruises on her hips, and his lips suck hers swollen. 

When he finishes, just after her, he doesn’t bother to pull out. It doesn’t matter anymore. And as he pumps himself into her he whispers raspy and desperate into her sternum, “I love you.” 

The words hurt in such a sublime way. He’s never said them before, not once in his life. But here he is, speaking them, meaning them, bleeding them from his soul into hers. 

He loves her, and he’ll love this baby, too. 

Hour 10

They lay in bed, Hange’s fingers comb rhythmically through his hair, and she presses the occasional kiss to his crown. 

Levi has one arm wound around her waist, his cheek pressed into her sternum, his other hand cupping her abdomen, thumb caressing gentle circles into the skin there. 

“I know you’re afraid,” Hange finally speaks. Her voice is soft and loaded with emotion. “I am, too. But I think we deserve this, Levi. It’s a chance for a life beyond the Survey Corps, for a real family.” 

Levi tilts his head up and kisses her gently. She’s right, but he still cannot help but remember his vision and his nightmare. 

“There’s so much that could go wrong,” his voice is pained. He holds her tighter. 

Hange sighs and rests her cheek on his head, “You’re not wrong, but we’ve got eight months to figure things out, okay? For tonight, just hold me.” 

Levi sighs and melts into her, shutting his eyes. 

In Hange’s arms his sleep is dreamless. 

#levihan #my writing

[i-love-ninjago-kai]

Hi again!! I hope this isn’t too soon to ask again, I don’t want to burden you. Anyways, I really loved your last Kailor posts and though I’d love more on that, I wanted your thoughts on Kai keeping things locked up emotionally because I noticed that was something you’ve mentioned a few times. I’ve been working on an angsty Kai fic (post s3 stuff) where of course he hides everything he’s going through, and so I’ve been thinking about that a lot and how he’s been like that. Like him being more secretive from an early age to protect Nya and how that habit stays. Also how he deals with others being suspicious that he’s hiding stuff and how he’d react when confronted about it. I know this is a lot to unpack though so if you don’t want to that’s fine! :) (this was too long for an ask that’s why I did a submission)

- Submitted by @ofmagicandmusic -

Hey there friend, thank you! It warms my heart that my rambles can be helpful haha,

Sure, I’ll see what I can do :)

(Gonna be putting this one under read more too.. Sorry!!)

So... Kai doesn’t necessarily hide when he’s struggling with something, or rather, he’s really really bad at it. He’s a very emotive person, albeit he leans more toward the negative side of emotions. If someone doesn’t know him well, Kai is just brash and has a million dollar glare that could burn you alive, and a temper to be wary of.

However if you do know him, have seen what really goes on behind his eyes, it’s a little more complicated. We see that generally when Kai is in a good mood, he’s wearing a contented smile and is altogether pleasant to be around, that’s the side that Kai tries to show the media only.

But that’s not all Kai is. There’s plenty of days when he’s irritable and grumpy, and you have to be careful not to set off his volatile rage, he’s feeling all this and.. Nothing is wrong. Everyone is in good health, things are good in ninjago, all together things are well. Kai just has days when he’s angry, and the team knows this, and they love him all the same, happy Kai, or angry Kai.

Now... it’s deciphering whether or not Kai is having and Angry day, or he’s actually struggling with something, is when it gets tricky.

Because Kai will always give you the same answer when you ask. 

“No, I’m fine.” “I’m Alright.” Or a glare with more ice in it than what Zane can produce.

Kai has a really, really hard time letting people in. He’s spent his entire life doing things himself, and he doesn’t really see a reason to change that. No one was there for him when he was dirt poor, raising his little sister, and he handled it. 

Sure, it left irreparable damage, and his stress and loneliness festered into intense trust issues and low expectations for others, but he handled it. 

He took on ignacia’s judgmental and pitying stares, watched as no one really reached out a hand to help. He raised his little sister because she’s all that mattered. He doesn’t need anyone’s help.

Kai doesn’t need people to solve his problems for him, he doesn’t want them wasting their effort on him. Especially if he’s got it all under control.

He’s got it all under control.

And then Zane died, and Kai couldn’t handle it. Kai should be able to handle everything, he’s been cheated and life has been cruel to him, so he should be used to it pulling stuff to hurt him. 

But Zane is dead, and Kai doesn’t know what to do. Kai always knows what to do, and now he doesn’t. Everyone is mourning and comforting each other but it doesn’t even matter because Zane is still dead.

And it should have been him. Zane was everything Kai isn’t and didn’t deserve to die that way. Kai? Kai is expendable, he knows he’s no lynchpin or what holds the team together.

So why didn’t he die? Kai would’ve traded anything to take Zane’s place because it’s not fair. Kai has been put in an unfair situation, his entire childhood was unfair. Fine, he lived through that.

But this is wrong. It’s so wrong it makes him sick because he wants so badly to change it, but he can’t. He feels so deeply at fault that he is nauseated to even be in the team’s presence. Because he knows they can see how miserable he is, and he wouldn’t dare make them think he can’t handle his pain alone.

So he leaves. It’s night time, and everyone is still so, so tired from the overlord, and their loss. No one wakes, or even stirs as he leaves through the bounty’s window.

It’s not hard for him to make a new identity, this place is full of people who’ve run away too, he hasn’t been in the press much yet, and it’s not like these people care, all of them are as miserable as him. Who were they to judge him?

He falls into a spiral of fighting and drinking, his dingy little apartment he’s managed to rent is only used to sleeping at this point, or nursing his more serious injuries he receives at various fight clubs. At some point he stops trying to feel better. He doesn’t deserve to feel better, so he doesn’t.

He makes ‘friends’. Well, they’re not really friends, they’re terrible people who in reality couldn’t care less about him. But misery loves company, right?

The bruises he comes home with don’t even phase him anymore. When he came home to the team with bruises, he’d allow himself the pleasure of complaining a little, maybe letting himself sleep in a little longer. 

Now they just feel like a part of him, they change areas an severity, but in the end they’re all the same, and Zane is still dead. So does it really matter?

He doesn’t like the taste of the alcohol he drinks, it’s bitter and the still good part of him is ashamed to be drinking it. But it makes him forget, just for a little while, so does that matter either?

Shame pools in the pit of his stomach when Lloyd confronts him, he’s nursing a drink while he’s talking to the kid. He shouldn’t see him like that, but he does, and it’s too late.

Lloyd doesn’t ask him how he’s doing when he sees him, which Kai is sort of thankful for. He doesn’t really know how to answer. Because it’s obvious he’s bad, really bad. But even after sinking so so low and feeling so so... Awful, Kai still doesn’t want to ask for help.

He either doesn’t deserve help or he doesn’t want it. At this point he’s not sure.

He has to really look to find one of his gis, since he burned  most of them up one particularly terrible night. A ninja doesn’t go around looking for a fight, but Kai does, so he burns his whatever evidence is left of who he was.

I wish I could say that Kai get’s better after his time in hiding, working with the Slither Pit. But really... it get’s worse, because now Kai is so ashamed of what he’s done, and how that time changed him. 

He’s got new scars that don’t have honorable explanations, made some very bad people angry and he prays they never come looking for him. 

Worst of all, he abandoned them. He abandoned Nya, his sister who already knows the pain of abandonment. He repeated history, leaving her when he was the one person who promised never to.

But she forgives him, and in a way, he thinks that’s worse than her being angry. So he holds a grudge for the two of them, if she’s not going to be mad... Then he is.

So now asking for comfort is a luxury, that he absolutely doesn’t deserve. He neither wants, needs, or deserves help from his friends, not from his family, or anyone.

Well... Unless you’re Skylor. Skylor always gives him this... This look when he’s keeping something in. This look has to be magic because it makes his jaw unhinge and suddenly he’s talking. Talking to her.

And the first time it happens it scares him, because now she knows. She knows everything and she’s going to tell everyone how messed up he is (As if it’s not obvious)

So he waits for the team to ask questions. They never do, because Skylor never told them. 

She told them nothing. Everything she knows about him is still... Just in her mind.

The smart part of his mind knows that’s not great. To only open up to one person, but Kai is so afraid to show weakness, because he can’t. He’s spent his entire life having to be strong, he can’t break down, he has to be ready because sometimes the others aren’t.

He has to be a steady flame, that persists, and doesn’t go out.

Sorry this is long... I could go on!!! But it’s already soooo long and I went on some tangents, Sorry!! Hope this is helpful!!!

#ninjago #ninjago kai #submission

[madlymiho]

mihooo my love, you know I was literally counting down the days to your Spookyvent 🥰 May I request Katakuri and letters A, D, Q, U and Y from that awesome spooky alphabet of yours? I'm so thrilled to read every request you're going to write for this event 🥺 hope you have plenty of fun with it, love u ❤

My sweetheart!!! 🥺❤️🥺❤️ Finally I'm getting to your request!! Of course you can ask for your Katakuri boy 👀 I'm here to provide some good snack 🤓

Love you and thanks for always being so kind 🥺❤️

I’m so sorry because... I’m serving angst for dessert tonight... 🤓

Spookyvent #8

Katakuri

Autumn: Do they appreciate to prepare the spooky period? Are they thrilled? Is this a period they enjoy in the first place?

If Katakuri has to talk about his mood around the spooky period, he generally understands the thrill, but doesn’t overly share it. He has a rather secretive personality when it comes to trivial things, and probably celebrating some holidays is among the numerous emotions he keeps inside his secret garden. He must remain professional, able to protect his family, focused on his tasks. Nothing must turn him away from his duties, and somehow, he believes that he doesn’t deserve a break ; he has a position to keep. So if Katakuri ever perceives the slightest thrill for this entire period, he hides it perfectly. He wouldn’t be the one who will prepare the festivities, prefering te keep a low profile when it comes to expose his own tastes.

Somehow, it only results on the numerous traumas he pilled up with time, pushing him to even refuse to lay down in public because it would be a sign of weakness. Exposing more human’s emotions could be too dangerous, and somehow, Katakuri knows that a reputation is utterly important in the Charlotte Family. A secret lover of this period, but hardly no one will ever know.

Dress-up: What are their favorite costume to wear and what kind of costume do they enjoy? Would they put on a costume or are they reluctant to do so? Do they put effort in their costume or are they doing the minimum?

As it comes to celebrate the festivities of Halloween, Katakuri is definitely reluctant to wear any kind of costume, unless it’s a task presented as a sort of duty for the Family. He believes that there are different missions for the Charlotte Family, but as one of the eldest of his clan, he can’t fool himself and indulge such a pathetic behavior. Somehow, he has other siblings to take care of the whole “celebrations” part, and he’s too serious to actually break that ice shielf around his persona. He will guard the island, make sure that there are no intruders, but if he can avoid wearing any particular outfit, he would feel better about it.

Though, Katakuri might accept to wear a bit of makeup to match the general mood, so at least he wouldn’t be noticed by the numerous citizens relied to Mama’s Kingdom. A skeleton makeup might be good, perhaps a vampire one, but showing his mouth would be out of question anyway. Even if he can pretend it’s a part of the costume, he doesn’t wish to drag the attention on his physical appearance. He knows no one would dare to make a comment, since he’s considered as someone scary and dangerous, but still. There are some flaws about him he prefers to hide, even if, obviously, that mouth of his is nothing but gorgeous.

Quest: What would be their perfect halloween night and what are their goal for this special evening, if they have any?

The dream life would be to be able invisible and morph into the crowd, enjoying the numerous activities without dragging the attention on him. In another life, perhaps Katakuri could have been that man, eager to celebrate particular Holidays, happy to show his desires and what thrills him, but alas, his childhood deprived him from this precious feeling. Katakuri is trapped with own demons, and as he wishes he could be someone else, at least for one night, he’s too much of a serious man to indulge himself such a whim.

Instead of that, Katakuri appreciates to spend some time by himself, far from the mad crowd, having the best snacks in town to have the perfect evening. He doesn’t need to have company, being alone is a good way to relax and have his own thoughts for himself, the lovely taste of sugar soothing every of his doubt. Surely, this is how a good Halloween shall be celebrated for a man who’s so terrified of what the others might think of his real appearance.

Unexpected: What could really surprise them, what would be the most unexpected situations to spend Halloween for them?

Probably sharing a good moment with a friend, or someone who would push him to abandon his doubts for one night? Even if it’s a profound desire he manages to hide perfectly, having someone special for this particular event could be the best surprise. Just feeling different, wandering in the decorated streets, sharing his loot with a special someone, talking about dreams and fears without having the sensation to be judged. A soul like this must exist somewhere, but Katakuri has deprived himself from having hope to ever find it.

Could it be the most beautiful surprise, one day? To have a partner to share his loneliness, wether it’d be a friend or someone more intimate? Sometimes, it tickles his mind.

Yeet: A random halloween little story about them

For Katakuri, his munchies really depend on his mood, and it happens that when he feels stressed, or overwhelmed, he craves even more sugar to lower the tension. When he was younger, and right after some kids of the island discovered his secret under his scarf, Katakuri refused to celebrate any kind of holidays since when. He didn’t want to be seen as a freak, but it was also such a terrible moment for a boy who just needed to be reassured, because he truly enjoyed to spend some time outside in those moments. So he ate, way too much, until he would have terrible stomachache. The more he was frustrated and the more he was sick, until Brulee discovered what was happening with Katakuri’s behaviors.

Since when, she makes sure to spend a few hours with his brother for Halloween, at least to be sure that he wouldn’t eat too much sweets. A way for her to prove that she has never seen him as the monster he thinks to be. A way for her to also escape what have been their share burden : the look on others’ faces whenever they would go out.

#one piece headcanons #one piece imagines #charlotte katakuri #katakuri one piece #charlotte katakuri x reader #spookyvent #halloween headcanons #one piece halloween #one piece writing #one piece headcanon #one piece imagine #ellimelh #angst #slight angst

[dadzawa-adopt-dabi]

Zero call from Natsou. (1 message)

When he was a small child Natsou loved the ocean. Of course he did, his family was partially made up of selkies. Both his brothers and his mother belonged to the seal shapeshifters while Fuyumi was more human with small traces of her mothers heritage. While Natsou didn’t have a trace of the fae’s blood in him he spent as much time in the water with siblings as they could all get away with.

Touya had been a decent swimmer in his human form as a child. Perpetually exhausted and tired as he had been he still raced his siblings in childish games and won. Fuyumi in close second with Natsou rarely overtaking her. His best memories are always of them in the salty cold water. The 3 of them playing in the shallower water with Rei lurking nearby. Salty cold laughter filling the air as he tried to catch Fuyumi's forever faster form as she propelled herself with webbed feet.

Then their mother ran away, abandoning them with the man who had trapped her. Natsou had been the one to find her coat the same day, he dosen't remember where enji had hid it. Only that he had flinched away when Rei lunged at him, or the coat held gently in his tiny hands, the desperate look on her face.  Then Rei running down the path to the beach with her clutched skin, she never looked back, never said goodbye. Her graceful shift and she hit the water as enji pulled up, gone before he had even got out of the truck.

Things changed after that. Not right away, first Touya left and became Dabi. Natsou kept in touch as much as Dabi would let him. enji came home less often. Fuyumi and him were left to practially raise Shouto by themselves.

Fuyumi didn't care about being a fast swimmer anymore, once a point of pride now seemed a embarresment. Mutilating her feet so she could pretend she was normal, enji okaying and paying for the surgery.

Nothing was the same and Fuyumi wanted to get rid of the memories they did have, of their mother before she’d had to leave.

-"I want to be able to wear flip flops and sandals Natsou. I want to be able to run barefoot after Shouto." She'd tried to explain calmly to him at first.

Natsou had bristled at the childish tone she used on him, accussing her of not truly wanting the webbed skin removed. Of being pressured by Enji. Wanting her connection to Rei's blood cut away from her. Her connection to the fae severed with the webbing and by extension Dabi and Shouto as well.

"I don't want to fucking lie about a goddam fake rare genetic disorder everytime I have to take off my fucking footware. Or have to call you because Shouto is headed for the street again. and im not fast enough on land to grab him before he gets hit by a fucking truck." Fuyumi had screamed back, a rare show of temper showing as she yelled back at him. -

Natsou can't swim anymore, can’t stand the embrace of the sea even as his siblings are drawn in. The water dosen't bring the same comfort it did as a kid playing with his siblings or as a teen when he would escape to the water when the burden they had been left with grew too heavy. 

-Touya’s skin cracked and bleeding, whimpering in pain as Natsou pulls his smaller bony body out of the trucks passenger seat. Running for the water in the dark and praying to every diety he’s ever heard of as Touya cries, fisting his hands in Natsou’s shirt. They couldn’t find his coat this time, Touya waited too long before he called him. Begging for help and unable to get himself to the water that would ease his suffering, Natsu had peeled into the driveway of someones address and forgone even looking for it. Touya had been injured, bruised and bleeding heavier than his scars could account for when Natsou had carefully placed him in his truck. He holds him in the shallows as the water turns red around them in the dark and Natsou begs anyone listening that this still works, That Touya didn’t wait too late or isn’t too sick this time. Several minutes pass while he thinks he was too late and he's sobbing as he clutches onto Touya's unresponsive form. He can’t bring himself to move or bring them at least to the shore and its thanks to that that Touya stays in the water long enough to start healing without Natsou even noticing. What feels like hours later Touya opens his eyes. The sea dosen’t heal Touya as fast or as without his coat, but it still does.

'Where the fuck are our parents' the thoughts in his head screamed as he starts crying all over again in relief. Touya although dazed and weak would survive this time.  When Natsou drives them back just after dawn has turned the sky pink a older gentleman with bloodied knuckles and a missing tooth is sitting on the porch, a rather poor looking sealskin folded with care beside him. Natsou holds on to the coat for a few years after that, while Dabi (Touya’s new name and identity he comes to find out) learns to resist the urge to hand over the skin to anyone kind enough to him. -

He couldn’t go in the water after that occurance, not the only time he’d had to help Dabi into the water but it had been the worst time.

He sits on the beach instead while Shouto splashes around with Dabi. Hair dyed deep black,pierced to hell n back and finally finally not so sick. Finally talking to him and Fuyumi again, for a long time Natsou had thought Dabi blamed him for finding the coat. He didn’t, Natsou knows that now. Dabi dosn’t blame Rei for leaving either though, which he can’t understand.

Rei could have taken them with her, She could have come back when Touya had called for her. Bags packed and ready to be resued for months before Touya couldn’t stand it anymore and took his with his coat and left. Rei could have come for them even after that, when they were teaching a toddler Shouto how to swim as a human and as a seal as best as two humans could.

Natsou can’t blame her for leaving enji, but he wasn’t the only person she ran away from when she dissapeared that day. He needed her so many times. Dabi needed her most but all of her children had been left when she ran.

He shakes the frown off his face as Fuyumi yells at him to come in and he declines yet again. He’ll sit here in his board shorts and tan with some ice tea while they swim. Just being close like this is more than he’d ever thought they would have again.

#todoroki natsuo #rei todoroki #enji todoroki #Dabi todoroki #selkiedabi #selkieau #thedarkonewrites #selkies #bnha #mha #todoroki family #gen fic

[chickensarentcheap]

Never Gonna Be Alone- Chapter 12

Title: In the Quiet

Warnings: very brief mention of sexual abuse

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @tragiclyhip​

He wakes to the press of her warm body against his and the smell of her hair. A mixture of coconut and honey; an inexpensive shampoo that she’s been using for more than a decade and he never tires of. It’s the scent of home; the reminder of the place where he’s the happiest and feels the most comfortable and secure. Where he can be himself without judgment; not looked down upon for his weaker moments or when the darker days of battling his own mind have him feeling scared and vulnerable. For years he’d tucked that side of himself away; using booze and pain meds as a way to mask the pain and escape the demons and the monsters of the past. He’d become emotionally absent; refusing to make connections with anyone out of the fear of becoming too close and getting too attached, only to lose them. And he’d convinced himself that he was unable to love or be loved; years of torment at the hands of his father and the horrible decision he’d made while his child was dying condemning him. It seems like a lifetime ago now; a whole other existence entirely. In the last twelve and half years he’s learned to love again; wholly and unconditionally and so profoundly it is physically painful at times. And he’s allowed himself to be loved in return; blessed with a woman that knows his deepest and darkest secrets and sees past all his faults. Who forgives his mistakes and always gives him another chance, even when he knows he’s not deserving of it. And seven children that he’s had a hand in creating; incredible little human beings that adore and trust him without hesitation.

It’s a life unlike anything he ever thought possible. When both the enormity of his horrible decision regarding his son and his profound grief had set in, he’d sought comfort in the bottle and the unpredictability of a dangerous and bloody career. Relegating himself to a solitary and miserable existence; refusing to allow anyone to get too close and using women for nothing more than sexual gratification. Convincing himself that he didn’t deserve anything beyond that; a warm body on a lonely night and that beaten and battered shack in the outback with its rusted tin roof. Knowing if he wasn’t lucky enough to catch that fatal bullet while on a job, he’d more than likely die there on the dusty floor; drinking himself to death or OD'ing on a mixture of painkillers and cheap whiskey. There were days he prayed for it; an end to the demons that had been tormenting him since the moment he’d gotten the call in Afghanistan that his only child had passed away.

Part of him had died the moment Austin had; all the experiences he’d hoped they’d share, all the dreams he had about what his son would achieve and who he’d become suddenly coming to an abrupt end. Logically, they’d ceased to exist months before. When the specialists had said that despite their best efforts with both chemotherapy and radiation, the cancer had returned and was just far too aggressive and advanced; palliative care and pain management the only remaining options. But while his wife had been devastated and immediately began planning for the inevitable, he’d clung to that faint hope that the medical professionals were wrong; some miracle would occur and Austin would beat the odds. Reality soon began to set in, and it was then that Tyler had discovered just how weak and vulnerable he really was; turning to alcohol to numb the pain, spendings hours and sometimes days away from home because he couldn’t bear seeing his son suffer and his wife run herself ragged and fall deeper and deeper in the pit of despair and grief.

He hadn’t been able to handle it; unable to ‘man up’ and be who and what both of them had so desperately needed. Despite the ongoing issues in their marriage and her long and sordid history of cheating -and the rumours that the kid wasn’t even his to begin with- she had deserved so much better. And he had longed to give her that; a shoulder to cry on and someone to help with the burdens of caring for a terminally ill child. But he’d chickened out. His own grief and fears getting the better of him; unable to handle the realization that he was a total failure. So he ran. Volunteering to head overseas instead of staying behind and stepping up. Leaving his wife to handle everything on her own and his son to wonder what he’d ever done to deserve being abandoned.

It doesn’t hurt as much as now. Not just the trauma of seeing your child suffer and waste away, but the guilt and the regret his poor decision had brought about. It’s taken years of therapy to get as far as he has; moments of profound anguish as every single one of the skeletons in his closet came tumbling out. It took reliving the initial pain to kick start the healing; periods of immense grief for the child he’d lost followed by periods of extreme self loathing and time spent in the deepest and darkest bits of despair and desperation. But it HAD helped; the guilt and regret lessening, the hatred for himself losing some of its power. It will always linger just under the surface; the sting of the decision he’d made, how he sees himself as a monster not just because of it, but because of the things he’s had to do while on the job. Killing had never been about satisfaction or enjoyment. It had always been a means to an end; his chances of survival hinging on whether he could be quicker to pull the trigger or if he could outwit, outsmart, and out strength his opponents. And the only times he had gotten some pleasure out of it -other than just recently in Laos and Cambodia- had been five years ago. When he’d brutally and bloodily taken the lives of two of Mahajan’s men in an elevator in Mumbai, and when he’d had no chance but to eliminate that threat that had drugged and attacked him first. It had been personal then; threats made against his wife and his children. And taking the lives of those who would have delighted in torturing and murdering his family HAD given him a sense of satisfaction.

The demons of the past don’t carry as much weight now. Their power significantly decreased. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t moments when self hate and disgust DON’T return. When his mood is dropping and he’s more prone to returning to the pain and the regret of the past. It doesn’t happen often; medication and therapy helping to keep those moments to a minimum. But they do make an appearance. Self loathing making a comeback; reminding him of all the things he’s said and done that DO make him a monster and telling him that he doesn’t deserve the life he has now. That he’s committed way too many heinous acts to ever be truly forgiven. Absolution would never come his way; he's too far gone for THAT. In the same way guys like him aren’t allowed to love and be loved in return. And that’s when the fear kicks in; the concern that his life is way too good to be true and everything that is beautiful and perfect in it will be taken away to teach him a lesson. His protectiveness stems from it. The fear and worry profound; driving him to hold on to what he has even tighter than usual. On those days it all becomes too much to bear; a tightness in his chest and an ache that reaches to his very soul.

Some of that returns now; the fear that tugs at his chest and gnaws at his stomach. It had started last night; decorating the tree with the kids and coming across the ornament that Millie had made for Austin years ago. It’s always bittersweet; remembering what he’d lost while reminding himself of everything he has now. Had things gone differently and Austin never gotten sick, life would have been dramatically altered. His marriage somehow managing to be salvaged despite her inability to stay faithful, or at the very least being able to co-parent peacefully and amicably. He would have stayed in the military; grief and regret and the feelings of failure never turning him towards alcohol and pain meds to numb the pain and effectively ending what could have been a great career in special forces. Had he stayed with SASR and kept on the straight and narrow, mercenary work would have never even been on his radar. And that’s when things become complicated and troublesome. Even if his marriage HAD still fallen apart, there would have been no chance of ever meeting Esme. It WAS the job that led him to her; years as a hired gun somehow culmination with him coming face to face with who would turn out to be the love of his life. He had always thought he’d loved Sarah; she’d been his high school sweetheart and his first of many things. And it wasn’t until he was thirty-five that his eyes had been opened to just how wrong he’d actually been. Simply by chance meeting someone that would -even twelve and a half years later- take his breath away. Who would see past his jagged edges and the amount of baggage weighing him down and take a chance on him; looking past the mess he’d made of his life and patiently tearing down all the walls he’d build up around his heart. Who still looks at him as if he’s the most incredible man on earth; loving him with everything she has and everything she is and possessing an extraordinary amount of blind faith and trust.

She IS love. Everything that is beautiful and perfect about it. Never given up on him or them. Had Austin NOT died, he never would have found her and would have never known real love in its purest and most unconditional of forms. And his kids wouldn’t exist; seven incredible little human beings that he’d had a hand in creating. And even if he could go back in time and change things, he wouldn’t. He would choose to bear the pain of Austin’s death and the punishment that came with the horrible choice that he made. In the same way he’d accept the Dhaka job a million times over; taking a million bullets to the neck if it meant he’d be rewarded with what he has now.

*****

She lies with her back to him and her head resting on his arm. It had long ago fallen asleep; pins and needles stretching all the way from his shoulder to the tips of his fingers. They’d decided to bed down in the sunroom; pushing the love seat and the couch together to form a ‘nest’ and then fetching old comforters and pillows from the downstairs linen closet. Sometime in the early morning hours, she’d moved closer to him; briefly waking from her slumber long enough to move from her stomach to her side and then snuggling tightly into him. It’s a common occurrence if she has a bad dream. A desire for closeness; needing the feel of his much larger and bulkier frame against hers, quickly comforted by the warmth that radiates from it. His own eyes had never opened, body moving instinctively as he slid one arm between her head and the pillow while the other wrapped around her waist; drawing her even tighter against him, palm flat against her stomach and his face buried in her hair.

In the years he’d spent between his first marriage falling apart and meeting Esme, he’d gotten used to sleeping alone; enjoying the space and the freedom that came with having the entire bed to himself. In Dhaka, he’d been more than prepared to sleep on the floor until tempers flared; a heated argument erupting, fuelled by both sexual frustration AND tension, and his worry and fears surrounding what he was actually feeling towards her. It had taken some getting used to; having a body in bed with him throughout the night and waking up with them still there in the morning. But the adjustment had come quick, and by the third night he’d found himself actually enjoying the way she’d move closer to him; loving the feel of her skin against his and the brush of her hair and that soft, beautiful scent that lingered in it. Now he struggles to find rest without her. Used to the sound of her breathing and the weight of slender frame against his and the little noises she makes in her sleep; the soft sighs and the occasional murmur and giggles and the moments she starts to carry on very detailed conversations. All those little things that make her, her. And that he misses horribly when he’s away from home.

She rolls over to face him, eyes remaining closed as she issues a long, soft sigh and her hand comes to rest on his hip. The tips of her fingers dip below the waistband off his sweats; thumb repeatedly brushing against the slice of skin between the top of his pants and the hem of his t-shirt. For several minutes he watches as she sleeps. Eyes taking in every inch of her face; smiling and marvelling at the thought of how he’d not only somehow managed to both find her, but have her fall in love with him. She’s beautiful; the freckles splashed across and down the bridge of her nose, the long, dark eyelashes that skim the tops of her cheeks, the curve of her lips and the smooth line of her chin. It’s in those quiet moments where he only sees the damage done to her; the handful of small scars left behind from Mark’s fists and whatever ‘weapon’ he could get his hands on; electrical cords, wire hangers, heavy work boots and porcelain mugs and plates. There’s more. So much more. Disturbing ways that her ex husband had come up with to torture her both physically AND mentally.

There’d been other abuse as well; moments she’d been forced into sex itself or terrified into performing acts. And while it’s all equally vile and disturbing, THAT bothers him more than anything else. The fact that someone could violate and betray her in such a disgusting way. Someone that was supposed to love her; who’d taken vows to honor her and cherish her and care for her. And when she finally confessed the true extent of the abuse, the full story had sickened him; horrified and enraged at the thought of anyone touching her...the love of his life...in such a way. And it’s amazing. The fact that she’d not only managed to survive the abuse with her spirit and sanity intact, but that she’d been so willing and able to trust him. Giving everything of herself from that very first night in Dhaka; placing both her body and her heart in his hands and having all the faith in the world that he wouldn’t destroy them.

He places a palm over her ear; fingers splayed against her dark tresses and his thumb tracing the faint scar that cuts through the middle of her right eyebrow and travels up into her hairline. And when his hand moves to the back of her head and his lips find her brow, she gives another sigh; long and content, warm breath wafting against his skin. A soft smile curving her lips as her eyes flutter open and meet his.

“Sleeping beauty awakes,” he greets, and combs his hand through her hair, allowing the silky strands to slip slowly through his fingers. Lips pressing against her brow, followed by the bridge of her nose.

The smile broadens and those dark eyes sparkle. “Morning.”

“Morning. You good?”

“For the most part. You alright?”

“I’m perfect. It actually turned out to be a lot more comfortable than I thought it would be. You sleep okay?”

Esme shrugs. “I’ve had better.”

“You got up pretty early. Bad dream?”

She nods.

“You want to tell me about it or…?”

“Not really. It’s not something I want to relive.”

“Was it about me?”

“And Ovi. And me.”

“So a Dhaka dream?”

“Unfortunately. The first time there. And I haven’t had a dream about that in a long time. I was kind of hoping I’d never have one again, but....”

“Like Doctor Klein said, it’s never going to go away completely. It DID happen. We can’t pretend it never did.”

“Doesn’t mean I want to dream about it. It was bad enough living it. Do I really have to go through it all over again? While I’m asleep? It’s been twelve and a half years. Since it happened. And I haven’t had a dream about it in at least three. Now all a sudden it’s starting up again? What the hell is that about?”

“Me going away probably brought up some bad shit. And you’ve been stressed. That’ll do it.”

“I’m always stressed at Christmas. I always work myself up. Over stupid shit.”

“Doesn’t help that your mum sent that stuff from the kids and she’s been calling five times a day.”

“She knows what she’s doing, you know. This is a ploy. To fuck with me. She doesn’t bother for years and then all of a sudden decides to play the role of the perfect, doting grandmother? How long has she spent purposefully ignoring our kids? Treating them like second class citizens? Playing favourites? She pretty much stopped keeping track after Declan. I’m surprised she even remembered we had three more after him.”

“I’m kind of surprised she even remembered ANY of their names.”

“She’s not doing it for them. It’s not because she loves them and wants to spoil them. Her love is conditional. It always has been. And she knew getting in contact would bother me. That it would get under my skin and I’d dwell on it and I’d eventually cave and get in contact with her. Isn’t it enough that I sent a text message thanking her? Or that I’ll have the kids make thank you cards and send them to her? Do I REALLY have to talk to her?”

“Normally I’d say just ignore her and I’d remind you that you don’t owe her or anyone else in your family anything, but she’s only to keep calling. She’s only going to step it up and get worse. And seeing as we’d like to enjoy Christmas and have a nice peaceful holiday…”

“Maybe I should let my phone die and we’ll just use yours. Chances are she won’t message you.”

“The perks of being at the top of her most hated list, I guess. Why don’t you just block her?”

“Because then she WILL get a hold of you. And that won’t end well. You’re due for losing your shit on someone. That hasn’t happened in a while.”

“Not like she wouldn’t deserve it.”

“I’ll just keep ignoring her. Maybe she’ll get the picture and just give up.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to just talk to her and let her say what she has to say? Let her run her mouth and hang up on her. Then block her. Boom. Done.”

“I don’t want to hear her shit though. I’m already not in a good place. Mentally, speaking. Why let her make it worse? That’s just asking for trouble. And I really do not want to spend my Christmas doped up on Valium or drunk off my ass. Maybe you could message her. From my phone. Pretend you’re me. Telling her off.”

“I’m pretty sure she’ll know it’s me. But I’ll take one fo the team. She already hates me and wishes I was dead. Can’t get any worse than THAT.”

“Who gives a fuck what she says. Isn’t that what you always say? Fuck what my family says? Let’s NOT talk about them.”

******

She wriggles closer to him; the fabric of her plaid shirt pressed against his chest and her cheek resting on his pillow. A hand sliding under his tee and over his ribs and around to his back; fingertips repeatedly grazing up and down his spine. And he lays a palm on the back of her head and presses his lip to her temple; allowing them to linger there for several seconds before resting the side of his nose against hers. Neither speak as time ticks on. Eyes closed and warm breath tickling skin. The tips of his fingers burrowed in her hair and gently massaging her scalp as hers continue their exploration of his back; travelling over the various and tracing the outline of the tattoo that sits between his shoulders. It’s when she reaches the scar left behind from Nathan’s attack that he pulls back to look at her, finding those dark, soulful eyes staring up at him.

“Does it hurt?”

Tyler shakes his head. “Not this morning.” Some days there’s discomfort there. More a tightness than an actual ache; damage done to the nerve sometimes causing loss of sensation into his hip and down the back of his leg. Other times it feels as if the wound is freshly acquired; a burning and throbbing that reminds him of the moment Nathan had stuck his fingers into the bullet hole to cause more pain and inflict greater damage.

“It’s been okay? For the most part?”

“More good days than bad days. Sometimes it feels like there’s something stuck in there; moving around and pressing against shit.”

“There’s no actual chance of that, right? That they left something in there? I mean, they showed me the bullet. They got it all out. Or at least it looked like it did. Do you think something could have been left behind? A small fragment? Do you think…?”

“I think you need to stop worrying. It’s been five years. Almost six.”

“Even after twelve years, I don’t think you fully comprehend that I CAN’T stop worrying. It’s who I am. I worry about the people I love. And I love you a bit more than everyone esle, so…”

“A bit more, huh?”

She grins and presses a kiss to the tip of his nose. “Just a bit. You know what would be nice? If we could stay here all day. Right here. Cuddled up just like this.”

“It would be,” he agrees, and slides his forearm between her shoulder and the cushions; hand coming to rest on her upper arm, thumb repeatedly brushing against smooth skin. “But..”

“No,” Esme protests, and nuzzles her face into his neck; head under his chin and her nose pressed against his Adam’s Apple. “No ‘buts’. I don’t want to hear any ‘buts’.”

“As much as I hate to be the bearer of bad news, we DO have kids. Who very shortly are going to discover we’re not upstairs and come looking for us.”

“Let them fend for themselves. We deserve a break. A mommy and daddy break.”

“Few more months, babe. And then two weeks. Just us.”

“In Santorini,” she reminds him.

“Wherever you want to go, that’s where we’ll go.”

“Still doesn’t mean I WANT to move anytime soon. I’d still rather lie here with you all day. Preferably with less clothes on.”

“I was hoping for totally naked, myself.”

“Me too. Just lie, totally naked, and make love. All day?”

“All day?”

She pulls back to look at him; a grin playing on her lips and her eyes sparkling playfully. “What? You don’t think you have it in you anymore?”

“I was more worried about you no longer being able to handle that kind of thing.”

“Oh don’t you worry about me. You know how resilient and tenacious I am. And how I’m fully committed when I’m really into something.’

“I’ve seen all of that first hand. I could handle it. I’d need water and food breaks, but I’d be game.”

Placing her elbow on the cushion below, she props the side of her head in her upturned palm, fingers of the other hand tracing the tattoo that decorates the left side of his neck. “Remember our little apartment? Outside of Sydney?”

“I do. I remember it very well.”

“When you finally got out of the rehab place and were finally able to live there full time? Instead of just weekends home? We had A LOT of those days in bed. Enjoying each other as much as we wanted. Rarely wearing clothes even when we DID leave the room.”

“The good old days, you mean?”

“We had some really good times in that little apartment. It was kind of weird though, don’t you think? Living together and having a baby while still in the process of really getting to know one another? It was strange. How we tackled things. Wasn’t exactly a normal way of going about it.”

“I figured we didn’t start out normal, so why bother going that way?”

“There was definitely nothing conventional about how we met. It’ll make a great story one day. For one of our kids to tell on our fiftieth anniversary.”

“Only thirty eight more years to go. Think you can handle it?”

“I think I’ll be okay. Do you think YOU can?”

“I’m pretty sure that if we could survive the past twelve years...especially the last five...that there's nothing we CAN'T get past.”

“Listen to you all sappy first thing in the morning,” she teases, and hooks a finger around the chain that dangles from his neck and pulls him into a kiss. “By the way, your daughter and I had a very interesting conversation yesterday. While you were out with the rest of the spawn.”

Sighing heavily, he presses a final kiss to her forehead and then rolls onto his back; hands pushing through his hair before clasping them together at the nape of his neck. “If it’s about periods or boys, I do NOT want to hear it.”

“I’ll go easy on you; I think I’ve tortured you enough for the time being. I still say you need to be prepared. Just in case…”

“And I’ll let you do what you need to do to get me prepared. I have faith in you. That you won’t throw me to the wolves.”

“I would never.” She rolls onto her stomach and props herself up on both elbows. “And this isn’t about Millie herself. Just something she’s concerned about.”

“And you promise it’s not about her period or boys?”

“I promise. It actually surprised me. And I thought with having a mercenary husband and after birthing four boys, that there was nothing that could possibly surprise me anymore.”

“Is she okay? Millie?”

“She’s fine. She’s Millie. There’s nothing wrong with her. Like I said, it isn’t really about her. It’s about something she’s worried about. And to be honest, I’m kind of worried about it too. A lot worried, actually.”

“You’re starting to worry ME now.”

“It’s about Alannah. And her home life.”

“About how badly it sucks?”

“Pretty much. I mean, you’ve seen it first hand. You’ve been in that home. You’ve talked to her parents. You know what they’re like.”

“If you mean emotionally absent and full of shit, yeah, I’ve seen it. Those people are fucked up, babe. I don’t know how you can have that much money and have nothing all at the same time. I don’t get it; how people can be that soulless and empty. And that's saying something when it comes from a guy that kills people for a living.”

“Normally this is where I give you a stern talking to about how that’s not all you do, but I’ll let it slide. For now. You’ve been in that home. A handful of times. You’ve talked to them. On the outside, everything looks great. They drive luxury cars, they wear designer clothes, her mother is practically dripping in expensive jewelry everytime I see her. I mean, they send her to a really expensive private school. They put on a pretty good show, you have to admit.”

“It’s what they want people to see. They want everyone to think everything is perfect. That they have a great life. Trust me, there’s nothing great about it. Not for the kid, anyway. And I grew up with someone with no soul or moral compass. That house? Worse vibes than the one I was raised in.”

“Which is saying a lot. You lived a shitty life. You’d recognize the warning signs. You were THAT kid.”

“So were you. You didn’t get your ass handed to you on a daily basis, but the mental stuff is just as bad. If not worse sometimes.”

“So we BOTH know how horrible it is. Growing up where we’re not wanted. And I know my mom always put on a big show for everyone. Acted like life was amazing and that she was the perfect mother. Behind closed doors? Mommy fucking dearest. Both of us deserved so much better growing up And so does Alannah.”

“I agree. She does. So where do we come into this? What’s Millie worried about?”

“It’s not just Millie that’s worried. I am too. I know how bad a crappy upbringing can fuck someone up. I’m a mess. And most of it leads right back to my mom. I’m the first to admit that I’m pretty fucked up. That I’ve got some long term issues I do battle with every day. Because of her. In the same way you have your own things; related to your dad.”

“Okay…”

“I don’t want that happening to her. I don’t want her turning into me. I don’t want her ending up with a guy like Mark because she has zero self worth and doesn’t think she deserves better. I don’t want her being forty years old and married to a second guy -an amazing guy, for the record- and completely unable to fully appreciate him because of some shit experience. I don’t want her turning out like this. I don’t want her spending her life hating herself and thinking she’s garbage because that’s all she was told she was. I don’t want some other guy ending up like you; loving someone so wholly and completely yet having to right another man’s wrong. That’s not fair. To you. Or to whatever guy she ends up with.”

“Babe, you…”

“Don’t try and deny it, okay. Don’t try and play it down. I know what I’m like. I know how bad I can get. You’ve spent the last twelve years having to prove you’re not him. And that isn’t fair. And I’m sorry. For ever making you feel like you’re not good enough or that you’re somehow like him. Because you’re not. You are so far from being anything like him. I’ve never meant to hurt you. And if I knew how to stop being this way…”

“Esme…” He lays a hand on the back of her neck and lifts his head to kiss her. “...stop. I love you. I get it. Why you are the way you are. In the same way you get why I’m the way I am. And you know what? We’re both fucked up. But somehow it works. WE work.”

“I just don’t want Alannah ending up like this. She’s still so young. There’s time to stop it. Before it happens.”

“How? You’re not her mother. What are you going to do? Go over there and over advice? Teach some parenting classes? Because that will go over REALLY well.”

“I’m hardly the person who should be teaching parenting classes. I’m not exactly perfect myself.”

“Your kids think you are. I think you are.”

“You think the sun shines out of my ass and that I poop glitter and fart rainbows. You’re hardly a good judge. But…” she leans in and presses a kiss to his lips. “...I love you for always wanting to stroke my ego. For always looking at me like butterflies fly out of my butt.”

“Your ass is nice, but it’s not THAT nice. And this stuff with Alannah. What can we do about it? She already spends more time here than at her own place. What more do you want?”

“Well she obviously likes being here. You’ve seen her at her own house. She doesn’t smile, she barely talks, hardly eats. Doesn’t even make eye contact with people. It’s like she’s nothing but a shell. And then she comes here and she’s completely different. She’s smiling and she’s laughing and she’s so loveable and sweet. And helpful. She’s a good kid. A good kid that deserves so much better.”

“You’re still not telling me what you think we can do about it. And we’re not moving here, so don’t even bring that up. We’ve talked about that. Numerous times. This isn’t the place for us. Not on a permanent basis:”

“I know. And to be honest, I wouldn’t want to live here full time. I love where we are. It’s private and it’s quiet and it’s beautiful. That’s home. No other place can even come close to that. It’s nice to visit here, but living? Definitely not a good idea. Especially for you. And Tanner. You guys need the quiet and the calm.”

“So what DO you want to do? You say you want to help the kid. How do we help her?”

“Millie brought something up. An idea. And it’s not totally horrible.”

“And that is…”

“She asked if we can bring Alannah back with us. To Australia.”

“As in permanently or…?”

“Temporarily. I think. For now. I don’t know; we didn’t really get that deep into it. She suggested it and I told her that I’d talk to you. So, here I am. Talking to you.”

“We can’t just take the kid. We can’t just toss her on a plane and take her home with us. There’s this thing called kidnapping, in case you didn’t realize.”

“And I told Millie that. That we can’t just take her with us. She DOES have a family. A shitty one, but a family nonetheless. We’d have to go through a lot of steps. Just like we did with Ovi. That was a lot of work. Getting everything in order so he could go with us to Colorado. I mean, we were in Mumbai for a month while the lawyers figured everything out.”

“It was a lot of red tape. And Australia’s a lot more strict than the States. About who they let in. And we’d have to get her signed up for school. She can’t just hang around the house. We both work and the kid has to learn. It’s not like we’d just be bringing her for an extended vacation.”

“But it CAN be done. I mean, I was allowed to stay in Australia.”

“Yeah, because we were getting married and we were having a baby. Two perfectly good reasons to let you stay. We bring some random kid home with us…”

“We’d have to call the lawyer. He’d be able to advise us. On how to handle everything. He’d probably be able to handle all the paperwork. And we’re not talking about adopting her. We became Ovi’s legal guardians. That’s a whole other ballgame. We’d just be taking her on an adventure. Let her experience something new. Give her a real family. People that love her and siblings to play with and drive her crazy.”

“And then what? We just send her back home a few months? Just ship her right back to the bullshit here? That makes NO sense.”

“I haven’t thought that far ahead. I just thought for the time being, we could help her out. Give her time away from her shitty life. And if in the end she really loves it and wants to stay, then we think about guardianship.”

“You’re talking about taking on another kid. That’ll make eight.”

“Two days ago, you wanted me to get my tubes patched up so we could have an eighth,” Esme points out.

“Yeah, one of our own. A baby. That we make. Together. Not someone else’s kid.”

“But that isn’t going to happen. We agreed on this. After the twins. That seven was enough.”

“But you’re okay with taking on Alannah? Just not with having our own baby.”

“I can’t do it again. I just can’t. I love you. More than I ever thought I could love someone. But I am babied out. And this is a kid that needs our help. You're always the first person that WANTS to help everyone.”

“Usually when I’m helping people, I’m getting sent somewhere to kill someone. Not taking in their kids.”

“I will admit, it’s not a fool proof plan. Or much of a plan at all. And I do have my own concerns.”

He reaches out and pushes a hand through her hair; allowing the dark tresses to slip between his fingers and then looping strands over her ears. “Which are?”

“I worry about us. Me and you. Our plates are full. We have seven kids we’re raising. And we’re doing a damn good job, you have to admit. We make a really good team.”

“Yeah, we do. We always have. Right from day one.”

“But we’re also taking time to nurture us. Our relationship. That’s important. How many times has it been drilled into us? At therapy? That we need to step away sometimes and make the effort to connect and stay close and keep our bond the way it is. We’ve had to work on that. A lot. We’ve both had to step up to make sure we didn’t fall apart. To make sure we remember that we’re not just two people raising kids together. And I don’t want to lose that. Those moments with you.”

“I don’t want to lose that either. It’s a big deal to me. You know that. Keeping things together. Keeping US together.”

“And you’ve been amazing. At putting in the time and the effort. And it’s gone so well. We are so much stronger than we were five years ago. By A LOT. You know how cheesy it would always sound? When you’d hear people talking about loving someone more and more every day? I thought it was so stupid. That there was no way that was true. And in these last five years? I’ve realized how wrong I was. Because I DO love you more every day. And I’m scared something will come along and wreck that.”

“But? I know there’s a ‘but’ coming.”

“But I can’t help but worry that we’re letting Alannah down. That we’re just leaving her to suffer and grow up to be just as messed up as us. We have a chance to help her. And I don’t think my conscience will let me just walk away and leave her here. Not without at least trying to help.”

Tyler nods slowly as he considers her words; absentmindedly twirling a strand of her hair around his index finger.

“You don’t think I’m selfish do you? That I want to help? Even thought I’m scared of fucking us up?”

“Actually, I think you’re selfless. Not selfish. If you’re willing to risk something to help this kid....”

“I don’t want to risk anything. That’s the problem. I want to help, but I don't want to jeopardize us. That’s the last thing I want. Because we have come so far and we are so much better now and we’re so much stronger. I do not want this to be a case of a hundred steps forward and a thousand steps back.”

“That won’t happen,” he assures her. “I won’t let that happen. We just keep doing things the way we are. We make each other a priority. Like we've been doing for five years now. Taking on Alannah is not going to change that. If she was a baby or a toddler we were bringing aboard, I’d say no way in hell. Because that would be a lot of work and yeah, things would fuck up. Between us.”

“So what can we do? To help her. You want to, right? Help her?”

“I do. But…”

“I KNEW that was coming.”

“...it’s not just as easy as taking her back with us. I wish it was. But it is NOT that simple. And you know that. From the experience with Ovi.”

“I do. I DO know that. And I told Millie as much. That we had to jump through a lot of hoops to be able to bring him with us to Colorado.”

“And I don’t mind putting in the work and calling the lawyer and putting this out there to him. But it’s only going to work if her parents are on board. And honestly, I don’t know how the fuck we’d go about that. Talking to them.”

“You talked to Mahajan. About Ovi. You went to the prison in Mumbai and spoke to him.”

“That was an entirely different situation. He knew he couldn’t provide a proper home for his kid. He knew he couldn’t keep him safe. He didn’t really have a choice, and he knew that. But I can’t just go walking into Alannah’s house and tell her parents I want to take her to Australia. I can’t just say ‘you’re shit parents, give me your kid’. They’ll tell me to fuck off and most likely call the cops.”

“I guess that wouldn’t be the perfect way to approach the subject. But we could. Talk to them. Rationally. And calmly.”

“And they could turn around and tell us both fuck off and then forbid their kid from coming over here. Which means we break Alannah’s heart AND our daughter’s.”

Sighing heavily, Esme places her forehead against his chest and groans dramatically. “Why does this have to be so hard?”

“We need to figure out how to approach this. Without stirring up the hornet’s nest. And we can’t just make a decision like this overnight. We need time to talk about this. REALLY talk about it. Because this is a huge deal. This isn’t just bringing the kid for a vacation.”

“But we will? Talk more about it?”

“Can we get past Christmas first? Because I would really like to get through this holiday with what’s left of my sanity somewhat intact.”

“Maybe after New Years Eve. Then we can sit down and really talk it out. Pros and cons. The whole nine yards. We don’t need to rush into this. There’s a lot of time before we head back home. And if we DO decide to take her and her parents agree, we’ll need to give the lawyer some time to work on getting past the red tape.”

“I’m not promising anything, Me. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I want to do this and I think we should. I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t know if it’s a good idea. But I WILL think about it. And talk about.”

“That’s all I want,” she says, and presses a kiss to his cheek and then the corner of his mouth before placing her head upon his chest.

“You know…” he runs a palm down the length of her hair, then rests it on the small of her back. “...I don’t know what kind of hoodoo voodoo black magic you got going on, but I seem to get talked into the most fucked up shit.”

Laughing, she places her chin on his chest and looks up at him. “It’s the eyes. They get you every time.”

“And the ass. And the things you let me do to it.”

“We are NOT having that particular conversation. That’s just a no from me. We can go there, but we don’t need to discuss it. And speaking of going places, today’s the day.”

“Your little shopping trip with Desi. You ARE going to spoil yourself, yeah? No buying anything for me or the kids. We don’t need shit. This is all about you. So go crazy. Buy a whole fucking store if you want. I do NOT care.”

“Any requests? Something you’d like me to buy? Something you’d like to see me in?”

“Not really. I prefer you out of clothes, not actually IN them. But maybe something sexy?”

“Sexy as in a dress to wear for a night on the town or…?”

“Sexy as in only for my eyes to see.”

She grins. “You mean bedroom sexy.”

“Exactly.”

“I thought you didn’t care about the packaging? I thought you only cared about what’s underneath?”

“I don’t usually care. But, I do have plans. For New Years Eve. After Ovi’s wedding.”

“Really?” Her eyes sparkle mischievously. “What kind of plans?”

“It’s a surprise. But I think something sexy would fit right in.”

“Is it mommy and daddy ONLY plans?”

“Yes. Just us. No kids anywhere near us. No interruptions.”

“You want to have wild and crazy sex all night. The kind of wild and crazy sex that we can’t have with kids in the noise. The noisy kind of wild and crazy sex.”

“That would be nice, yeah. I would love to have some wild and crazy noisy sexy with my wife.”

“In that case…” she slides further up the couch and pushes a hand through his hair, speaking between soft pecks that she places on his hips. “...I will buy something very, very, VERY sexy. Just for you.”

“You spoil me.”

“You deserve it. You’re a good man, Tyler Rake. You’re a keeper.”

“And speaking of spoiling…” Curling an arm around her waist, he unceremoniously dumps her onto the mounds of bunched up pillows and comforters and then sits back on his heels. A grin playing at the corners of his mouth as his palms travel along the backs of her calves; fingertips grazing against the skin of her inner thighs before applying gentle pressure in silent encouragement for her to open them. “...it’s my turn.”

#Tyler Rake #Tyler Rake fan fiction #Extraction fan fiction

[lovelylapins]

fairytale

day 10: fairytale for @auyeahaugust

ko-fi

Once upon a time, there had been a curse. A curse that had originally been intended for the Agreste’s firstborn daughter, an evil mark onto her so horrific it’d alter her life from the moment she came into the world. It would’ve would’ve torn her away from their family and cast her out before she could even realize what was happening, forced to bear a burden no one else could ever picture having for the rest of her life.

A curse by a witch’s hand, a witch unwilling to take it back in favor of the chaos it’d give to the kingdom. The king and queen, overcome with worry for what would come in the passing months, had sought out the guidance and advice from dozens of magick holders. They tried countless spells and potions, and went so far as to find an enchanted midwife, hoping to overcome the evil with good.

Nothing came from it. So, the king and queen wished for a miracle on the eve of her birth, hoping someone would hear their cry and provide some solace. The wicked witch lay in shadows of the kingdom, readying herself to sweep in and take the child upon her birth, to raise her under her influence and turn her evil power into a force she could use to her benefit. To further her power and take over the kingdom, using the royals own blood against them.

But then, something miraculous happened. They had a son. Adrien, first of his name and heir to the throne.

A son, instead of the daughter they had been expecting, and the daughter that had been cursed by the witch. A son, who looked like the queen and emerged with a smile on his face, a bundle of joy gifted with dozens of blessings from witches and other enchanted beings, hoping to upset any ill effects that the witch might still hold.

For the first time in the past few months, there had been joy in the kingdom. The witch had been stopped, with nothing to come from her evil doing. The prince was healthy, blessed with gifts from another force of nature. The kingdom could breathe in peace, sure no evil would come back to attack them.

And then, the witch had struck back.

It was first thought to just be a simple sickness, a regular occurrence after a birth. The queen was confined to her room, baby Adrien close by but covered in enchanted covers to ward off any illness. She was visited by several witches, who tried to cast spells to bid her sickness away, with nothing to gain from it. Potions masters lined the castle’s throne room, presenting dozens of elixirs that could perhaps cure her, make her grow better.

She hadn’t. Within a few months she had passed, and with her the light in the kingdom dimmed. And with her love for her son gone, the witch was able to attack directly, to sneak in the shadows and find herself in the prince’s bedroom, the kingdom mourning the loss of their queen and guard dropped when it came to protecting the prince.

It had been a simple enchantment, not as strong as the curse she had intended in the beginning. No, she knew it would be worthless now. The kingdom was already weak enough as is, and if she could afford to do so she’d rather create a mark that hit her target faster.

So, she simply made her mark on Adrien.

The horror that struck the castle when the curse had been found out was unlike any other. A maid who had checked in on him during the night fled from his room, screaming out for calls of help. The guards had been summoned, the king had been woken up, and dozens ran into the room, only to be met with the sickening realization that the witch had finally met her goal.

Baby Adrien, barely old enough to crawl around yet, had been cursed in the dead of night. Cursed with an appearance that left him once the first few rays of sunlight touched down, an appearance that left the king shaken. An appearance that led to every magick holder called to the castle, forced with the task of finding a cure to his curse.

For you see, Prince Adrien hadn’t just been cursed. He was transformed, human features shifting into feline ones once the sun went down and moon emerged. He was a horror, a cursed child before he had even learned to speak. A shame for the king, so much so that he decided it was better for everyone should the prince remain locked in his room, locked once the sun begun the set and forbidden to go out into the castle hallways after night fell. Mirrors were removed from his room and windows had been enchanted so a reflection wouldn’t appear if he looked out. He would be fitted for clothes that could adapt to his body change at night, and would have haircuts planned both for his human form and the figure that appeared at night, mentioned in hushed whispers by all the staff.

Adrien had long since given hope of finding a cure for the curse, abandoning it even while his father and the countless witches that visited him continued to insist he’d keep up hope. He refused to buy into their hopeful wishes, the years sculpting him from a kid without friends into a young man without anyone by his side. No, he wouldn’t bother with any more optimism, not after he had his youth stolen from him at the hands of a witch with no morals.

Then he had met Marinette.

The young woman who had started to reside at the castle, who was tasked with making his new outfits and fitting him on the first of every new month. Who had been told of the prince’s curse upon arrival to the castle, and still agreed to take on the job. Who hadn’t shuddered or flinched when she had to fit him during one of his transformations, her actions around him the same as they had been the times she needed to fit him before.

Who had nice hair and smelled sweet. Who would visit him in the morning, just after the sun’s first ray had appeared, to hand him a bag filled with baked goods, goods he had later found out hadn’t been made by the kitchen staff but by her.

Marinette, who was the first person to tell him he shouldn’t hold onto hope if he didn’t believe in it. Who told him it was better to live happy than surrounded by dreams that wouldn’t come true, even while he begun to find hope in something else, something that perhaps could come true.

Marinette, who had kissed him in the dead of night, and broke the curse.

#ml fic #au yeah august #ml au yeah august #au yeah august 2019 #adrienette #adrien agreste #marinette dupain-cheng #miraculous ladybug #listen i am SO proud of this i wrote it in exactly an hour #like literally ten secs to spare while i wrote the last sentence dshsdksd #this might be my new fav for the days

[kawaiikatanabushi]

Hakuouki Okichi Belated Fictober 2019

November Latetober entry Day 4 “I know you didn’t ask for this.”

Fandom: Hakuouki

Pairing: Okichi

Triggers: Depression, suggestion of divorce, illness, tuberculosis, minor self-loathing, angst

A snippet taken from an upcoming Okichi story in which Souji and Chizuru wind up in a self-arranged marriage deal.

They were falling into a steady rhythm, adjusting to his home health care with hardly any effort. She would rise before him, make breakfast for herself as she allowed him to sleep a few hours more, give him his first dosage at 11 as he was waking and feed him if he was hungry, write her nurse's notes and attend to his needs with ease and still make time to be his wife in the evening. It had been a flippant moment of chance that had brought them into marriage. Her heart being broken and his own agenda aside, they had become a good team. He had never expected to be so humbled and indebted to her. She was the pinnacle of goodness and he felt his uselessness settle as a weighty depression. He didn't deserve any of her tender care. He hadn't even given her a family as he had promised. It was their deal and he was skimping on the bargain. He felt worthless as she juggled their lives and he slept through most of it.

"Souji," she called softly, noticing the somber hue casting his features in dismal drudgery, "Are you alright? What's the matter?"

He sighed heavily, closing his eyes against her fondly mussing his bangs. She deserved far better than him. She hadn't even picked up on his cowardice, being unable to tell her how madly in love with her he had become. He was a failure, laid up in bed and eating up her youth. He had brought sickness into their lives and tormented her future with his worthless life.

"I know you didn't ask for this," he began, shaking his head lethargically as she opened her mouth to protest, "Please, Chizuru. Let me finish. Your brother suggested you leave me. That idiot Kazama has promised you a future countless times. Kodo-san would be thrilled. You're wasting your life with me. Even your friend Sen thinks you'd be better off without me. I think their right. You don't need me. I'm no good for you. I can't give you that baby you want. I'm too weak. I'm always tired, out of breath. I can't even hold my own bowl of food. You always feed me. Bathe me. Usher me to the bathroom. You didn't sign up for nursing a sickly husband. You didn't sign up for being with a pathetic man. You didn't ask for any of this!"

A culmination of feeling horribly ill, feeling a burden and being in love reduced him to frustrated tears. It seemed the only thing he could do was cry, as much as he had forced the urge away and despised the act for several months. He slowly rolled onto his other side, shielding her from seeing his emotional breakdown. He had come to the end of his rope, reduced to a grieving pile of sorrow.

"You should leave me," he choked out in a small whisper.

A warm petite hand rested against his back, rubbing soothing circles as she shushed him tenderly. She allowed him to release his pent-up frustration and self-loathing, knowing that a good cry might relieve some of his stresses. He was being all-too-hard on himself, as was expected of a warrior. It was so difficult to nurse the emotional needs of such an independent and stubborn man. She pulled back his blanket, settling down behind him. She wrapped her arms about his neck, planting kisses to his head as one hand stroked his chest.

"Shh, Souji, shh," Chizuru muttered into his hair, nuzzling her nose onto his head, "You're just having a rough day. It's perfectly expected to feel like this when you're so unwell. I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere. It's okay, it's okay. Just let it out, Souji. Let it out and I'll make you some daikon porridge, okay?"

"Food doesn't fix everything, Chizuru," Souji sobbed, wiping at his nose, "You're too good to me. I don't deserve this. You'll come to resent me. It's only been three months of this whole setup. You'll tire of me eventually. I can't give you anything. I can't give you a family and I promised it to you. What if these antibiotics make me sterile? There goes that baby we planned on,"

"We can always adopt," Chizuru mumbled tenderly, holding him all the tighter, "Don't despair, Souji. There's always hope,"

"What if we can't afford a baby?" He asked quietly, weakly lacing his hand with hers.

"Oh, Souji," she sighed in sympathy, shifting to rest her cheek on his, "I don't think you understand. I came to the Shinsengumi, a simple homecare nurse who lived a quiet and average life, even as an oni. Yes, I had a giant crush on Hijikata-san, but do you know who came to my rescue when he announced his engagement? Who asked after my feelings, Souji? Who listened to my woes and offered a solution, unorthodox as it was? You know him. I married him. He's such a feeling and good man. Kids and cats alike adore him. He's playful and mischievous, but I can't imagine having a life without him now. I don't care how difficult this time is. We're going to get through it. Do you know why, Souji? Because, you are my family. My life. My husband. I didn't ask for this, that's true. But, I don't mind. I want to care for you. I can't abandon you now. I got too close. I care too deeply for you. I'm not going to leave you, I'd rather die first. You're my husband, for better or worse. Yes, I want to be a mother, but the importance of that pales in comparison to my husband getting well. You're my life, now. I don't want to be apart from you. You're my everything,"

He could not respond. He wanted to tell her then, be the one to say he loved her first. His heart was so overwhelmed, all he could do was cry harder. She always managed to push away the debris surrounding his heart and heal him in the most broken places. He would be lost without her and the reality of being abandoned by her was too frightening a thought. He never wanted to lose her. He wanted to be selfish and keep her, even at the cost of her happiness. He loved her so much, his heart throbbed.

With great effort, he moved to lay upon his back and pulled off his oxygen, motioning from her to come closer with a tender half-smile. She smiled serenely, meeting him for a tender kiss. It was all he could do to express his gratitude. She balanced everything in his life and he would be lost without her.

"Never leave me," he begged upon parting, rubbing his nose on hers, "I'd be so lost without you,"

"Thankfully, the weight of my wedding band will keep me at your side, always," Chizuru promised, kissing his forehead, "Now, let's get you hydrated again and fed. No more silly talk of leaving,"

"How about a compromise? We're both so tired, I think a nap should be prescribed," he smirked, his eyes soft and sparkling for the first time in a while.

"Alright," Chizuru laughed, settling herself in the crook of his arm, "But, you're eating as soon as I wake up,"

"It's a promise," he agreed, wiping away his residual tears.

She was almost instantly asleep in his arms and exhausted as he was, he remained awake for a moment to watch his sleeping wife. It was as if he had an angel in his embrace. He placed a few weary kisses to her forehead, stroking his fingers through her hair. How serene and healing it was to hold her against him, watching how peaceful her sleeping expression was. How was this connection so precious fulfilling for him? She completed him in a way he could never express. He rested his forehead to hers, kissing her nose.

"I love you," he whispered, looking over her face with unveiled adoration, "One day, I won't be such a coward. One day, I'll tell you how you complete me. You deserve to know how I feel. One day, I'll be braver. I'll be better just for you. I promise. You can have all of me. I'll stop holding back. Just, wait a little longer, ne? I'm so scared of failing you... and... I'm talking to myself. Uh, Souji. Just tell her in person, ne?"

He chuckled to himself, yawning widely as his lids became heavy. Sometimes, there was no better emotional cure than a lengthy cuddle with his tender, feisty and cute wife. She was his everything.

#hakuouki #hakuoki #okita souji #yukimura chizuru #okichi #okita souji x yukimura chizuru #belated fictober 2019 #trying to post these now #better late than never #November latetober 2019 #fictober 2019 #but late

[tfw-needs-baby]

unfinished but i need to finish

It wasn’t an addiction. It couldn’t be. Sam was just… giving himself penance for all the wrongs he’s ever done. All the failures that should’ve been successes, the amount of life's gone because he was a second late or slipped up [stupid stupid stupid stuPID-]  or the endless count of the times he’s let his brother down. Maybe it was the lingering memories of Ruby cutting herself open for him to take, red lines rolling down her wrist as he eagerly lapped it up like a man begging for water. Maybe it was the infinite scenarios being played out in the cage with Lucifer. He did love a little foreplay, after all. Maybe it was his fault for even attempting to fall in love with Jessica and hoping for a future with her - leading her to her grave was what he did. Maybe it was the grief of losing Kevin - killing him with his own hands, watching him collapse onto the floor - for fucks sake, the kid had his whole life ahead of him. Maybe it was the fact that he used Amelia like some sort of rebound when he couldn’t find Dean nor’ Castiel a way out of Purgatory. Maybe it was the pain that Mary hadn’t even attempted to reconnect with her sons. Maybe it was the amount of times he couldn’t bear to see the disappointment in Dean’s eyes.  Or it was all of the above and more - but those had just been the greatest ones he could list off the top of his head. He was always screwing something up, hurting someone else, thrusting his burden onto others, being the weak link of them all. And he was tired of it. So Sam pushed himself harder, tucked away his emotions, spending his time studying like the good ol’ Stanford days. Couldn’t find enjoyment with hanging out with his family anyways - he could become a danger to them at any moment. And then there was the possibility of this just being one of Lucifer's sick illusions, because he had to give the devil credit for something so creative. Having a child of his own, then faking his own death? Interesting outcome really. But, he knew Lucifer was truly dead, because the pained look on Gabriel’s face had said otherwise. And Gabriel has never lied to Sam yet.

He’s not going to even start with the nightmares. Sam puts a cloth in his mouth every night, just in case. Doesn’t want to wake anyone else up with his pitiful screams. At this point, he’s like a shell of his former self when no one watches, a tired man just waiting for some sort of peace that may never come. And then, Dean gets hurt. It’s all his fault. They were in an abandoned hospital facility in the middle of bumfuck Oregon, trying to track down either a spirit or ghost who took pleasure in luring his victims and painting with their blood. The ghost - Eddie - claimed it was a passion, that his work should be viewed by all that had some sort of taste in art. It did not help that he believed it was the 80’s. Sam told Dean to take the right while he took the left, but the elder Winchester argued it would be more reasonable if they simply went together because who knew what the hell this guy was doing. Sam disagreed, claiming that the ghost had hostages and it would be easier and efficient his way, being able to cover more ground.

#sam winchester #ficlet #i need to finish -

[minetteenfers]

Marichat May Day 7: Roommates

**warning** There are mentions of life altering injuries within this piece.

@marichatmay

Chat sat on the couch beside Marinette as they watched a movie. He stole glances at her throughout the film. His gaze fell to her hand that was resting between them, often. He licked his lips and stared at the movie as he slowly inched his hand closer to hers.

They had been friends for so long. Had been living together for the past month due to her needing help paying her rent. He had dropped by, as he usually did after long akuma fights, and had found her crying with a piece of paper in her hand. Once she had admitted that she didn’t have enough to afford to live on her own, he offered to move in with her. She didn’t know who he truly was and when he had first seen her room, he was shocked to say the least. Photos upon photos of his secret identity layered her walls. An identity that she couldn’t know about. He locked his bedroom door at all times and they had rules to prevent her from finding out.

He bit his bottom lip as he skirted his pinky over hers. He felt her flinch and look over at him. Chat quickly moved his hand and brought it to the back of his neck with a sheepish grin. “Sorry, Marinette. I didn’t realize your hand was there.” He awkwardly laughed and watched her blush fade.

“Y-yeah. Honest mistake. You know… with all of the- I mean with the small couch and mall- ALL.” Marinette corrected herself and internally cringed.

Chat laughed and smiled at her. “This movie got bad reviews didn’t it?”

“Yeah. Because they didn’t portray his illness enough.” Marinette sighed as she brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

“Ah. Well, it does seem to glaze over it.” Chat shrugged and leaned back with an arm along the back of the couch.

“I don’t think the illness is the focus. I mean, think about it. If you died from an illness… would you want a movie that focused on that instead of all of the good things in your life?” Marinette peered over at him and he thought for a moment.

“You know… that’s a good point. Why focus on a disease and not about the other things about a person?” Chat smiled over at her and a blush came to his cheeks as she spoke.

“A person is more than a disease. Just because someone is sick or different… doesn’t mean that we should focus on that. Having an illness or a disability doesn’t make someone any less human.”  Marinette sighed and relaxed against the couch. “So, I get why the movie didn’t focus on it.”

Chat stared at her with parted lips and then smiled as he focused on what she was saying.  Marinette worried her bottom lip as she glanced over at him from her periferal. “Anyway, I’m going to get a drink. Want a drink?” Marinette hit her thighs with her palms and stood up.

“Sure.” Chat smiled at her and watched her walk towards the kitchen. “I’ll be right back.”

Marinette nodded and Chat got up from the couch. He walked to his bedroom and produced a key from his pocket. He took a deep breath and peered at Marinette to make sure that she wasn’t looking. She was busy grabbing cups down from a cabinet, so he opened his bedroom door and slipped inside. He shut it behind him and stared at the one thing in the room that he hated with a passion. The one thing that he resented and wanted to get rid of. He hated it and if being Chat kept him from having to use it, he’d stay as his alter ego all day and night.  But Plagg often got tired from holding him up for so long.

Chat sighed, locked the door, and sat down in the wheelchair that was beside his bed.  He dropped transformation and rested his elbow on the arm as Plagg tumbled through the air. It had been an accident, one that made the headlines despite how much money his father paid to try to erase it. To erase how he had been injured in a car accident and become paralyzed from the waist down. Plagg was able to fix his situation and he owed the little God the world.

“Rest up so I can go back out there, Plagg.” His voice sounded weak as he sat in his chair with his cheek rested on his fist. His expression was unamused as he ran his fingernail along his designer jeans.

“Yeah, yeah, Kid. I don’t know why you don’t just tell the girl.” Plagg rolled his eyes as he grabbed camembert from a secret stash.

“I hate this.” Adrien complained as he stared down at his legs. “Why did this have to happen to me?”

“It’s not your fault, kid.” Plagg shoved cheese into his mouth. “Look at it this way, at least you’re alive. Plus, you’re living with your best friend.”

“But I’m living a lie, Plagg.” Adrien sighed as a knock sounded on his door. “Hurry up and inhale that.”

Plagg rolled his eyes and shoved another piece of camembert into his mouth; before, Adrien spoke his transformation words. “Hang on! I’ll meet you out there!” Chat called out and stood up from the chair, testing his legs by tapping his steel toed boot on the ground. He breathed out, finding it stable.

“You can’t hide this forever.” Plagg sighed in his head and Chat shook his in disagreement.

“I can. If she knew? She wouldn’t want me, Plagg. I love her. She can’t find out. She wouldn’t accept it.” Chat sadly spoke as he cleared his throat and opened his bedroom door to slip out. He locked the door and walked over to Marinette with a smile.

“I didn’t know which drink to make. So I made you both.” She smiled as she held up two cups and Chat took them with a warm smile.

They walked back to the couch and sat down beside one another. Chat set one of his cups down and brought the other to his lips.

Marinette peered down at her cup of tea. “I um… I was wondering.”

Chat became nervous as he took a sip of the coffee. “What about?”

“Ho- How come you can see my room and I can’t see yours? I mean- that’s probably stupid.” Marinette rolled her eyes at herself and awkwardly laughed. “With the whole superhero thing… nevermind.”

“I’m scared.” Chat’s hand trembled as he held the cup in his hands.

“Scared?” Marinette raised an eyebrow at him and put her teacup in her lap. “Why? Why would you be scared?”

 “That when you find out… you won’t want to live with me anymore.” Chat looked away from her and hid behind his cup. “That I’ll be seen as a burden to you.”

Marinette took his cup from him and sat it down with her own. “Why would you think that, Chaton?”

Chat worried his bottom lip and shook his head. “I’d rather you just know me like this. A PAWsome friend that is enjoying his time with you.” He smiled to hide the pain and she sighed.

She touched his leg and Chat noticed how he couldn’t feel it. He longed to, but it felt like nothing. There was no warmth, just fuzziness like they had fallen asleep, and it hurt him. Plagg had never explained how it worked. How when he was Chat, he was able to walk but he wasn’t complaining. It was his moment of freedom. His moment of solace from the pain. He would get phantom pains from time to time, but was able to hide it behind the fact that it was normal aches and pains from being a hero of Paris.

Marinette rubbed his leg and searched his broken peridot eyes. “You know you can tell me anything. Anything at all and I won’t judge you. If you need help… I’ll….”

Chat took her hand off his leg and stood up. “I don’t need help. I can do things for myself.” He snapped at her and walked to his bedroom again. He opened his door without caring if she saw what was inside.

Marinette caught a glimpse of something beside his bed as he slammed his door shut and her mouth fell open. She brought her hand to her lips and sat back against the couch, closing her hand into a fist. She shook it off. It didn’t matter to her. She didn’t care. He was her best friend and the one thing that mattered.

She stood up and cleared her throat to knock on his door. “Chat? I- I didn’t mean to look, but-”

“I know.” Adrien ran his hand through his hair as he sat in his wheelchair and talked towards his locked door. “I know you saw and I know what you’re thinking. Poor man. He was so perfect before. Now this happened. Blah,  blah, blah… His career is ruined. His father abandoned him. What ever will he do?” Adrien spoke with his hand and Marinette shook her head and placed her palm on the closed door.

“No. That’s not true.” She sighed and pressed her forehead to his door. “I thought about how strong you are to live with that burdan. I thought about how scary it would be to suddenly lose the ability to walk. How hard it would be to deal with it.”

“It’s- it’s not that bad. I’m used to it now.” Adrien ran his hand through his hair. “It’s not a pretty life, but it’s mine nonetheless. I don’t have a choice. This is who I am. I can’t put this burden on you. Being Chat makes it easier. I can walk and be myself. Save the world.”

“You don’t need to be Chat to save the world. Chat doesn’t make you a hero.” Marinette tried to open the door, finding it locked. “Please let me in.”

Adrien looked at Plagg and transformed again. He tried to push himself up from his chair, but found that he still couldn’t walk. “Plagg.” He cursed under his breath at the little kwami.

Chat sighed and punched the arm of the wheelchair with his hand and gave up. He grabbed the wheels and began pushing them to move over to his door. He unlocked it and backed up to open the door. “My kwami apparently wanted you to see me like this.”

Marinette peered at him and suddenly wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t pity me. I don’t want to be pitied.” Chat sighed and felt her tremble in his arms.

“I’m not pitying you.” Marinette sniffed as she pulled away from him. “I’m sad that you felt like you couldn’t tell me about this. That you felt like you had to hide it from me.”

“I mean… it’s a bit more obvious as to who I am if you saw me like this.” Chat sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. “More so for you.”

“Chat. You could be anyone. I still have no idea…” Marinette looked around his room and found photos of Adrien with his mother in frames and on his three monitors.

Chat turned his chair around to follow her gaze. “Is it really that hard to figure out, Marinette?”

“No. I- I mean Adrien Agreste isn’t the only person to have your disability.” Marinette spoke in a quiet tone.

“But he’s the only one that you know of.” Chat sighed as he peered down at his legs.

“So, could you feel when I touched your legs earlier?” Marinette worried about offending him. She didn’t want to hurt him more, but the curiosity got to her.

Chat sighed and he peered at her with saddened eyes as he shook his head. “No. Not really. I may be able to walk as Chat, normally.” He inwardly cursed at himself. “But I can’t feel your fingers on my legs and it kills me.”

Marinette became shocked by his confession.  “Kills you?”

Chat suddenly swallowed hard as he realized what had come out of his mouth. “I mean- um…” He awkwardly chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “Can we start over on that?”

“No. I want to hear why.” Marinette pressed him further and he sighed.

“I miss your touch.” Chat sighed and Marinette warmly smiled.

“I don’t have to just touch your legs, Minou.” Marinette wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him harder. “There is much more to love and hug about you. Your legs don’t define you. This disability doesn’t define you.”

“The media seems to think so.” Chat peered away from her and she held him at arms length.

“So? Who cares what the media says? They say a lot about me too and I don’t listen to it. You need to get out and get some fresh air.” Marinette smiled and walked over to open his black curtains. The sun shined through and made his suit shine. “Come on. We’re going out.”

“I can’t go out like this. Chat is supposed to be brave and strong and walking on two legs, which Plagg is keeping me from.” Chat scolded his kwami as he glared at his lap.

Marinette walked back over to him and placed her hands on the arms of his chair with her back arched. “I don’t want to walk with my kitty. I want to walk with the real hero beneath the mask. So, drop it and let’s go.”

Chat swallowed hard and worried his bottom lip as Plagg forced himself from the ring.

“About time!” Plagg stretched and zipped up, landing on Marinette’s shoulder.

Marinette peered at Adrien with a warm smile and saw how insecure he looked. How he played with his ring and hid inside himself. She touched his chin and brought his gaze up to hers. “I didn’t fall for your body, for your perfection, for your walk. I fell in love with how nice you are, with how you see the good in everyone regardless of how mean they are. I fell in love with the puns and jokes. I fell in love with the way that you see life as this giant adventure. I fell in love with your warm smile. With your way of looking up. I fell in love with your soul, Adrien. I don’t care about what the media says. I don’t care about the fact that you can’t walk without help. It’s not what defines you.”

Tears fell from Adrien’s eyes as he peered up at her. “I don’t deserve you.”

Marinette wrapped her arms around his neck and he pulled her onto his lap. “You deserve to be happy. There are many many more amazing qualities about you. This is just one. Don’t let it take over.”

Adrien nodded and he touched her chin as he peered into her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. This isn’t your fault. Nothing is your fault.” Marinette softly spoke and he closed the gap between them.

She parted her lips and he deepened the kiss. Adrien broke the kiss to press his forehead against hers. “I would still feel better going for a walk as Chat Noir.”

“Alright.” Marinette stood up and closed her eyes.

“What are you doing?” Adrien peered up at her and suddenly covered his eyes as the red light took her over, leaving Ladybug in its wake.

“Then I’ll go as Ladybug.” She held her hand out to him and he transformed back to Chat.

She watched him grip the arms and stand up on shaky legs. He took her hand and tested his stability, finding that he could walk again. “We’re a team, remember. We stick together. We work together as a unit. Your burdens are mine and mine are yours. If you fall, I catch you. If I fall..”

“I catch you.” Chat smirked at her as he took his staff from his back.

“Exactly, Kitty.” Ladybug smirked at him and he touched her cheek with his palm.

“I love you to the end and back.” Chat sighed as he leaned down to capture her lips with his own.

“I love you too.” Ladybug smiled up at him and pulled her yo-yo from her hip.

Song I wrote this to:

#marichatmay2019 #marichatmay #marichat #Marinette Dupain Cheng #miraculous ladybug and chat noir #cat noir #day 7 #Roommates