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aemiron-main · 1 year

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Saruman and Sauron vs Will Byers and Henry Creel and some s5 predictions (this is that lotr post i’ve been talking about)

It’s time for some will and saruman parallel thoughts & why I think will is going to witness his s1 vanishing from Henry’s pov in s5 via his bond with Henry and some other S5 plot thoughts!

I also have this writeup formatted in a google doc here.

Introduction

So, to start off, this drawing from the show haunts me: why?

Because it’s a direct visual parallel of this scene:

Palantirs

Now, let’s take a closer look at that orb- ponder the orb, if you will. The orb that Saruman has isn’t just any old orb, it’s a palantir. But what is a palantir, and what does it do? How does it work? And how does all of that translate into Stranger Things?

There’s eight palantir in total, but only seven in Middle Earth specifically (i’ll get more into middle earth vs arda vs ea a little later on), and so they’re generally known as the ‘seven seeing-stones’. And there’s two main ones that I’m generally going to focus on in this analysis, although the others tie into it too: the one that Sauron has, and the one that Saruman has. So, what is a palantir and what does it do/how does it work and how does that tie to ST? Let’s look at some excerpts from the LOTR wiki to help explain:

"The palantíri, in appearance, were dark, perfectly smooth spheres of varying sizes; some were small and portable, around a foot in diameter, while others (particularly the master-stones) were too enormous to be lifted by Men. They were completely unmarked or unmarred, and even when unseated, they remained inviolable. The stones had permanent poles aligned with the center of the earth, with permanent upper and nether poles.

The circumferential faces were the ones that allowed viewing, receiving outside visions, and channeling them to the eye of the beholder on the opposite side; if one wished to look east, he would place himself on the western side of the orb, etc. Unlike the master stones, which could rotate and look in any direction, the smaller ones had fixed positions so that when looked at from a wrong direction, the face would appear blank to the surveyor. The palantíri could not transmit sound; they could only show visions or intended thoughts of the users.”

Will and Henry’s connection is like two master stones/master palantir communicating with eachother, as their connection goes both ways equally, Will is a double spy. The connection that Henry makes with somebody like Max, though? (Because Henry DOES make a psychic connection when he attacks). That connection is more like a master stone to a smaller stone. The smaller stone can still see into the mind of the master stone user, just like how Max could still access Henry’s mind, but only from the ‘right direction,’ in terms of smaller palantir, Max could only access Henry’s mind when Henry was making an active connection- max, on her own, cannot make a connection with henry/doesn’t have a two way connection with him outside of when he’s attacking her, which at that point, there is a small two-way connection, which is how max accesses vecna’s mindscape. Will, on the other hand, DOES.

“In one direction, they could see for leagues, with the farthest places offering the least clarity. Their vision was not based on obstacles but on darkness; they could see through things but would only see shadow- nothing within could be discerned. This was a method of security which protected the sight of the surveyor. Magnification was also possible for those with an extraordinary will; only the most potent and determined could accomplish this. Palantíri could not pierce minds, for the transference of thought depended upon the wills and intentions of those communicating.”

“When two stones were communicating with each other, then another viewer from a third stone would find them blank. The master stones of north and south were able to 'eavesdrop' on these mental conversations, however. Some stones were attuned to each other, for example the Ithil-stone and the Anor-stone, as these belonged to the brothers Isildur and Anárion and were mounted in sister cities.”

‘The furthest places offering the least clarity,’ This ties into how Henry’s connection with Will is weaker when Will’s away from Hawkins/further away from Henry, just like how Will's now memories/connection to the mf/Henry in s2 became stronger as the tunnels expanded into hawkins/got physically closer to Will.

“Their vision was not based on obstacles but on darkness; they could see through things but would only see shadow- nothing within could be discerned.” Henry’s ‘vision’ is based on darkness- he can’t get into the light memories unless he’s able to corrupt them, he can’t ‘see’ those memories, can’t access them unless he can corrupt them first, it’s like his corruption is the path for him to get into them, he can only ‘see in the dark’.

HOWEVER, with that said, we also know that “Magnification was also possible for those with an extraordinary will; only the most potent and determined could accomplish this.” So, “magnification” in this context basically is the same as Henry corrupting light memories in order to enter them- someone of strong will can “magnify” the images of a palantir/see more clearly in the dark- Henry “magnifies”/is able to see into peoples’ light memories by using his psychic willpower/strength to corrupt their memories.

“When two stones were communicating with each other, then another viewer from a third stone would find them blank. The master stones of north and south were able to 'eavesdrop' on these mental conversations, however.” THIS has some implications for Mike, actually. So, a third non-master stone/’eavesdropper’/outsider cannot hear what is being said between two other stones, but a master stone CAN. So, if El or Will was making/had made a psychic connection with somebody like Mike, somebody powerful like Henry would be able to eavesdrop on this connection. All of those shots where it’s almost like somebody’s watching Mike? And some of the evidence that Mike may be even partially ‘possessed’? That would align with Henry ‘eavesdropping’ onto a psychic connection that’s being created between Mike and El, for example. So then, there’s a chance that via El or Will, Henry has gained access to Mike’s mind after eavesdropping on him throughout the seasons- and looking at Mike’s monologue, it’s interesting to me that they show closeups of him holding El’s hand, much like how El grabbed her mother’s hand and made a psychic connection with her. Henry may have used El’s connection with Mike as a sort of launching pad to make his own connection with Mike, whereas previously, he was just watching Mike through El or through Will.

Will and Henry’s connection (two master palantirs) allows them to see into eachother’s minds, but is so strong that they cannot see anything OTHER than eachother’s minds (and their own minds), and therefore, Henry cannot spy on Mike via Will bc he can only see Will’s mind, rather than see through Will’s eyes.

With Henry and El, though, Henry can get into El’s mind and El into Henry’s, but bc Henry is more powerful, he can go beyond just her memories too, he’s not like. Locked into her memories the way his is with Will’s, and so he can use El as a minor palantir to be able to look thru her eyes and see Mike, whereas with Will, he can’t do that bc he’s locked into Will’s memories. This gives Henry greater access to Will and makes Will more susceptible to him than El is, but also gives Will a better chance of fighting him off bc Henry is in his memories he’s but he’s more LOCKED in there.

This would also explain why Henry wanted to possess Will via the MF- when Will was possessed, their connection acted more like a major palantir to minor palantir/more like a more powerful verson of Henry and El’s connection, because Henry was now able to see through Will’s eyes & wasn’t locked into Will’s mind/memories. This is also why we get the “now memories” when Will’s possessed but not so much in s4- because Will was seeing through Henry’s eyes in s2 just like how Henry was able to see thru his, rather than being locked into eachother’s memories/mindscape. Will was still a spy/double agent when possessed, but he was actually MORE of a double agent when not possessed (his connection w henry predates his possession) because Henry is the one dominating the connection when Will is possessed, which is why Will doesn’t see henry’s mindscape, but instead, sees the visions of the tunnels, because that’s what Henry’s choosing to show him, which is something I’m going to talk about next, because people using palantirs cannot create false images but rather, pick and choose what images/part of their mind they're going to show to the other user. The ability to do this depends on the mental strength of the user & user’s ability to dominate that connection, which is the same as how Henry and El’s powers work: they’re trying to dominate the connection when they psychically fight eachother and launch eachother across rooms.

“According to Gandalf, it is beyond Sauron and Saruman's skill to create the palantíri and that Sauron cannot make the palantíri "lie" or create false images (though the latter could show selective images to foster a false impression in the viewer). The palantíri were not initially inherently dangerous to use, however after the Ithil-stone was captured by Sauron in TA 2002 they were no longer used by Gondor's rulers, as users could be ensnared by the Dark Lord, as later events were to show.”

Just like somebody using a palantir, Vecna/Henry can hide parts of his memories, he can manipulate people like Will’s perception of events, but he can’t create entirely false/new memories, especially not when it comes to somebody viewing HIS memories, he can hide parts of his own memories to make the person (Will) viewing his memories confused/warp his perception based on a lack of context/lack of memories (much like El with Nina & how she didn’t have ‘new’/wrong memories, but instead, was MISSING part of her memories, and those missing memories warped her perception and made her believe that she killed the kids). The memories aren’t entirely gone, and new memories haven’t taken their place- instead, some of the memories are missing, which results in a warped perception of events. Henry literally describes his own powers in the same way: as ‘holding a mirror’ up to his victims. His visions/attacks aren’t just creating random false images for the sake of torment, instead, it’s based on the victims’ trauma and guilt and personal experiences. It’s not technically a lie, just a warped version of the truth.

And as well, with palantirs, this ties into Will’s s2 episodes BEFORE he got possessed- because those visions are NOT the same as now memories. Like I said, with a palantir, you cannot create false memories to show the person on the other side of the connection- but you CAN, if you are powerful enough, (which Henry generally IS), pick and choose which memories/parts of your mind you want them to see.

Which is how Sauron manipulates people without outright lying- he distorts the truth, just like how Henry holds a mirror up to people. Sauron hid parts of his own memories to try and convince Denethor that Sauron had already won. Just like how Henry hides parts of his mind/memories to try and convince Nancy and El etc that he has already won

And so, wills s2 visions (not the now-memories): those tie into the palantirs because they weren’t fake, vecna didn’t just make up smthn random for him to see bc Henry can’t do that- instead, Henry was picking and choosing what parts of Henry’s mind Will could see, even tho henry and Will were still trapped in eachother's minds so to speak, henry bc he was more powerful, was able to HIDE parts of his mind.

Non possessed Will’s connection w henry = two master palantirs communicating

Possessed Will’s connection w henry = major and minor palantir, more like el’s or max’s connection w henry, henry is now the one dominating the connection & is able to see through will’s eyes more, but the two-way connection is still there (will’s now memories of the tunnels), just like how a two way connection IS still there with a major and minor palantir, but the connection is dominated by the major one & henry is more able to manipulate which memories will is seeing compared to will being able to manipulate what henry is seeing.

“Denethor II, the last Ruling Steward of Gondor, attempted to use the stone in his later years to gain knowledge, but too often only saw what Sauron wished him to. Sauron convinced Denethor over time that there was no hope for victory.”

This sounds a LOT like not only Henry’s visions to people, but the vision that he showed to Nancy specifically, trying to make her feel as if all hope was lost, showing her images of her family dead and of a giant, dragon-like beast. Sauron didn’t create fake images via the palantir, because he can’t do that- instead, he choose which images/real memories to show Denethor & hid certain ones so that it seemed like Sauron was winning. And also: denethor as a person is weaker than sauron, so he’s unable to see past sauron’s manipulation/perspective warping/hiding stuff. But when it comes to will and henry, it’s likely that will WOULD be able to see past that at this point.

SO! Long story sport, Will’s orb in the drawing is paralleled directly to the palantir, it’s a visual representation of his two-way connection with Henry, of being a double spy, of him and Henry being able to see into eachother’s minds. Time to shift away from palantir briefly, but we WILL come back to them.

Some Backstory About Sauron, Saruman, and Morgoth

In a later section, I’m going to do a deeper dive into the bond between Sauron and Saruman, because imo it’s a misconception that Saruman just sort of chose to work for Sauron, or that the Palantir is entirely what convinced Saruman to join Sauron, and it’s actually a more complex bond than that,

So, to begin with some backstory to set the stage for discussing Sauron and Saruman’s bond later on: Sauron is not the biggest big bad of Tolkien’s universe (I’m not saying ‘’middle earth,’ because Tolkien’s world goes beyond Middle Earth into Valinor, and Valinor is where a lot of this took place: the in-canon name for “Tolkien’s universe”, is Eä, and the ‘earth’ itself, including Valinor and Middle Earth is Arda- Middle Earth and Valinor are like continents on Arda and Arda is like a planet in Eä if that makes sense), instead, that title belongs to a dude named Morgoth. Sauron and Morgoth are not the same sort of “creature”/entity/being/species, but Sauron and Saruman ARE.

Morgoth = Valar

Sauron = Maiar (Maiar of Aule)

Saruman = Maiar (Maiar of Aule)

Now, Morgoth isn’t super relevant right now, however, I’m going to use him to explain what a Valar is & why that’s relevant to setting with the stage for how Will and Henry parallel Saruman and Sauron. So, Valar are basically like the pantheon of “gods” of Eä, and groups of Maiar are associated with each Valar. And “Aule” is a Valar just like Morgoth (except not evil), and both Sauron and Saruman are Maiar of Aule, whereas Radagast for example, is a Maiar of Yavanna. So, not only are Sauron and Saruman both Maiar, they’re Maiar of Aule. Maiar and Valar are, again, different species, whereas being a Maiar of Aule is almost like being the same ‘race’.

Why is this relevant to ST? Henry and Will are both humans, just like how both Sauron and Saruman are both Maiar, but it goes deeper than that, because just like how both Sauron and Saruman are Maiar of Aule specifically, Will and Henry have very similar/paralleled backstories and queercoding.

Parallels Between Sauron and Henry Creel

Sauron, just like Henry, was not always evil- just as Henry was a normal human with powers at one point, Sauron was a normal maiar with powers. However, much like the way that Brenner manipulated & ‘’’trained’’’ Henry, Morgoth did something very similar with Sauron when getting Sauron to join him.

Sauron’s ‘fair form,’ known as Annatar, is VERY similar to how we see Henry looking younger and more attractive in S4 during the Nina project memories, and Sauron used this handsome mortal form to charm and manipulate people.

Sauron’s shapeshifting abilities vs Henry’s: we see Henry shapeshifting in peoples’ visions when he attacks them, like when Max thinks that she’s hugging her mom but it’s actually Henry. Plus, there’s quite a bit of evidence that I’ve talked about in other posts pointing to the idea that the S1 ‘demogorgon’ that took Will & that El fought in the school was actually Henry. Sauron is also capable of shapeshifting in very similar way to Henry.

Sauron being known for manipulation and deceit, just like how henry manipulates people like el

Vecna in DND has a phylactery to store his soul in- the one ring is sauron’s phylactery. Sauron literally poured part of his soul into it, the worst/cruelest part of his soul.

The one ring works in a very similar way not only to a phylactery but also to henry’s powers: henry describes his powers as ‘holding a mirror up to people,’ and amplifying their worst trauma/guilt. Henry doesn’t just create *random* horrifying images, instead, it’s based on amplifying the existing emotions and bad memories of his victims and making them face their own traits. The one ring is basically identical in terms of how it works: it doesnt just ‘make people invisible or evil,’ instead, it amplifies the existing powers and qualities of the user, for good or for bad, it’s like holding a mirror up to the wearer and reflecting their good and bad qualities right back at them and magnifying them. This is why bilbo and frodo turn invisible when they put it on- hobbits are sneaky and are described as figuratively being ‘invisible’ to the ‘big folk’- so, the ring amplifies this and makes them literally invisible.

There’s very very likely more parallels, but for right now, these are the ones i’m using!

The Parallels Between Saruman and Will Byers

The visual parallels between Will’s drawing of Will the Wise with the orb vs the LOTR Saruman scene with the palantir

Will’s wizard name/title is “Will the Wise,” just like how Saruman’s was “Saruman the Wise”.

“Saruman of Many Colours”. This was Saruman’s new title, and reminds me of the rainbow imagery with Will, including his rainbow ship.

Being a double agent/a spy: Saruman was a double-agent for Sauron vs for the Istari wizards & frequently did whatever was best for his own personal interests. This parallels ill being described as a spy/having a two-way spy connection with Henry/the mindflayer.

Saruman being a Maiar, which means that he exists in two dimensions at once at all times (smthn im going to elaborate on/explain later), and Will’s s2 UD episodes and the way that he’s physically moving in the UD and real world in the same way at the same time, literally existing in two dimensions at once.

Having a connection with Sauron via a master palantir, but it was a connection dominated by sauron due to sauron’s strength/power and manipulation of what images saruman was seeing, much like Henry’s connection with Will

There’s very very likely more parallels, but for right now, these are the ones i’m using!

The Connection/History Between Sauron and Saruman and the Ties of This Connection/History to Henry and Will’s Connection/History

SO! Saruman and Sauron were both maiar of Aule living in Valinor. Just like how there’s all the Will-Henry parallels and Henry very likely targeted Will because he reminds Henry of himself, part of why saruman joined sauron is the same reason, with them both being powerful Maiar of Aule, who had a love of creating things Saruman, as Maia of Aule, was always going to be in danger turning evil- maiar of aule are not inherently evil by any stretch, but instead often have qualities, such as a love of smithing jewelry or weapons/general love of creation, that allow them to be more swayed towards evil/greed/possessiveness. Saruman didn’t ‘turn evil’ because Sauron turned evil but because of the same reasons Sauron turned evil (ie, henry trying to get will to join him bc theyre both similar).

In the book “Peoples of Middle-Earth,” there’s an essay titled “Istari’, which talks about how Aule chose Saruman as the leader of the istari, and how this show that Aule seemed to believe that Saruman was capable of rivalling/challenging sauron/that they were similar in power and in nature and in backstory and in terms of their traits and how Saruman was the one to drive Sauron out of Dol Guldur initially. Sauron was the most powerful maiar before he ‘turned evil,’ and so then when sauron left, saruman was now the most powerful. They’re paralleled to eachother, much like Will and Henry, they have many similarities, but are not exactly the same.

Saruman ended up alongside Sauron because of the shared traits/abilities/parallels/similarities between the two of them, just like how Will was likely targeted by Henry because of their shared traits/upbringing/queerness/parallels/powers. However, Saruman is also still a double agent in LOTR. He’s not fully on the side of Sauron, but also not fully on the side of the Istari,, he wasn’t fully swayed, instead, was a double agent trying to fulfill his own goals.

“When Saruman used the Orthanc-stone, Sauron convinced him to join him.”

This excerpt from the LOTR wiki is true to an extent but doesn’t tell the full story & frames it as if the palantir was the majority of the reason sauron joined saruman but in reality, it was the underlying similarities between sauron and saruman that made saruman more susceptible to being influenced by sauron via the palantir in the first place- plus, despite siding with sauron during a portion of lotr, sauron is still very much portrayed as a double-agent/’morally grey’. Saruman’s similarities to sauron are exactly what sauron exploited via the palantir to attempt to get saruman to join him, much like how in s5, Henry is likely going to try and exploit the similarities between will and try to get will to join him, which is going to tie into my idea that will is going to witness his s1 vanishing from henry’s pov via his connection with Henry.

And this is where things get interesting imo & comes full circle back to what I talked about in the beginning with the palantir & why I think that Will’s going to witness his own vanishing/time in the UD from Henry’s POV via his two-way connection with Henry, and why IMO, Will has repressed memories of those events, but in spite of that, is still 100% certain and right that Henry is the one who took him. So, let’s look at a Tolkien quote:

“For it is said indeed that being embodied the Istari had need to learn much anew by slow experience, and though they knew whence they came the memory of the Blessed Realm was to them a vision from afar off, for which (so long as they remained true to their mission) they yearned exceedingly."

Now, what does this actually mean, and what implications does it have for Will and his connection to Henry? Well, this is basically Tolkien’s way of saying ‘repressed memories’. Saruman is aware of the similarities between him and Sauron that eventually lead him to be swayed by Sauron in LOTR in the sense that he’s aware of the existence/results of sauron’s traits but not really the details, and when Tolkien talks about ‘embodied,’ he’s talking about when Maiar, like Saruman, take on a more tangible physical form (because theyre more like spirits), which is why Saruman looks like an old man in LOTR. So, after Saruman got that body and came to middle earth from valinor, his memories of Valinor were repressed.

“the memory of the Blessed Realm was to them a vision from afar off” The memory isn’t gone, it’s just too far to access- they haven’t fully forgotten the Blessed Realm/Valinor, but they can’t fully access those memories, their perception of it is warped, much like will’s perception of the night he vanished.

And here’s another interesting part of that, too: “(so long as they remained true to their mission)“. Why is this interesting? Because Saruman didn’t remain true to his mission. He’s going to have even more repressed memories than somebody like Gandalf, because Gandalf’s memories are far-off, but not gone, as long as Gandalf remains true to his mission- but Saruman doesn’t remain true to his mission in the end, so he’s also going to begin to lose those far-off memories as he strays more and more from his mission.

“the Istari had need to learn much anew by slow experience “ this is basically exactly what El did with Nina, she was learning to walk again/swim, just like Brenner described, and Will is going to do the same thing in s5 IMO, but in a slightly different way: he’s going to witness his vanishing through Henry’s eyes, because Will’s own perception was so warped that night due to him likely being in a Vecna vision, and so Will is missing memories/has repressed memories in the sense that what was actually happening to him/around him is different than what he was seeing, different than much of what the AUDIENCE saw that night.

But he doesn’t fully properly remember the events- his perception is warped via the fact that parts of his memory are repressed, and so he’s not seeing the full story, which warps his perception, just like El with Nina & thinking she killed the kids & how her missing memories warped her perception.

“and though they knew whence they came the memory of the Blessed Realm was to them a vision from afar off”. The “and though they knew whence they came'' part is interesting to me as well, because it’s just like Will and his warped perception/possible repressed memories- he knows “from whence he came,” he knows that he was in the UD, but doesn’t really remember what the UD was like (in a way), like i don’t mean he doesnt have trauma from it/doesnt remember at all, I mean that his perception/memory of it has been warped. He knows he was there, but struggles to really know what ‘there’ was like and what was a vecna vision and what wasn’t. But just like Saruman knows that he has a connection to sauron via their shared traits and both being maiar of aule, Will KNOWS that henry is the one who took him/who he has a connection with. And here’s a VERY important part- Istari, like Saruman, have repressed their memories of their time in Valinor/have a warped perception of it, but Sauron does not. Saruman and Sauron are both Maiar, and both Maiar of Aule at that, but they are NOT both Istari, and only the Istari lost those memories. The wizards in LOTR (Gandalf, Radagast, Saruman, Pallando, and Alatar), are all Maiar and also all Istari/wizards. Maiar is a species, Istari is like a cross between a race and a club in a weird way. All Istari are Maiar, but not all Maiar are Istari- and Sauron specifically is NOT one of the Istari. Sauron didn’t ‘embody’ a body in the same way that Saruman did, Sauron isn’t stuck to that one form the same way that Saruman is. Saruman does not fully remember the similarities between him and Sauron/how Sauron was in valinor. But Sauron fully remembers these things, and THAT is the core thing. So, hypothetically, Saruman could, through a master palantir, gain access to sauron’s mind/memories and possibly witness his own repressed memories from sauron’s pov.

And so, something similar is likely going to happen with Will and Henry: Just like how in theory, if Saruman was strong/powerful enough, Saruman would be able to use a palantir to see Sauron’s memories of Saruman/of Valinor, (which is paralleled to Will’s vanishing), Will is going to use his connection with Henry to find out what really happened that night & is going to see it through Henry’s eyes, which is going to be how all of the weirdness and perspective fuckery from s1 ep/will’s vanishing is resolved both for Will AND the audience.

There’s also something else I want to talk about:

“And here in Rivendell there live still some of his chief foes: the Elven-wise, lords of the Eldar from beyond the furthest seas. They do not fear the Ringwraiths, for those who have dwelt in the Blessed Realm live at once in both worlds, and against both the Seen and the Unseen they have great power."

This quote is about Elves on the surface, but this and other passages confirms that Saruman lives in both realms at once. The Blessed Realm/Valinor is where all maiar are from. Saruman has 100% dwelt in it, it’s where he lived prior to coming to Middle Earth. Saruman, being a Maiar/from the Blessed Realm, means that he exists in two realms at once- the physical world and the spirit world. He’s not just able to travel between them- no, specifically, he exists in both at once, JUST like Will in his s2 visions where he was running physically in the real world AND in the UD- he was in two realms at once, stuck between the slides. As well, I mentioned this earlier, but sauron is pointed out repeatedly to be considered a ‘morally grey’/double agent character: he’s in the middle, he’s between things, and will’s double-agent imagery is also tied to him being like a ‘double agent’ between dimensions, able to be in both of them at once.

Conclusion/Summary/Reiterating the Implications That All of This Has for S5

Will is going to witness the night that he vanished from Henry’s pov, just like how Saruman, in theory could witness his own repressed memories via sauron’s pov through a palantir (palantirs being representative of the connection between will and henry)

Mike is likely being watched by Henry/Henry has possibly already been messing with his mind or at the very least watching him/possibly made a connection with mike’s mind during the monologue, which would explain those shots of mike being ‘watched’ and explain a lot of things that @dinitride-art has talked about with possessiongate

Will is able to go between dimensions/more SPECIFICALLY, he is able to exist and function in two realms/dimensions at once, which is something that I’ve posted about before & am going to elaborate on in my vanishing of will byers analysis.

#stranger things #byler #st analysis #will byers analysis #will-henry parallels #st5 #st5 analysis #st lotr #will-saruman parallels #henry-sauron parallels #vanishing of will byers #possessiongate #will's art #henry creel analysis #mike wheeler ref #max mayfield ref

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thalion71 · 9 months

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🌼 & 🔮&⚙ for the asks? 👀

🌼 simbelmynë: You've got the opportunity to bring one character back to life, who is it?

Only One! boromir lives aus are always good, but. hmm. aw there are just. so many to choose from lol. i think dropping any first age elf in the shire would just be really funny for everyone involved. actually no, put beren in the shire to chill for awhile (luthien probably comes with just bc she's Like That. her interacting with hobbits would be very funny too)

🔮 palantír: you've found a palantir! Who are you hitting up in middle earth? What are you telling them?

hey. hey. earnur. do not. yeah i know it's the witch-king- yeah- yeah i know. but dude. Do Not

⚙ technology: everything is exactly the same but you can give one character a modern invention. Who is it and what are you giving them?

i think we should give saruman some scuba gear and see if he actually goes looking for the ring in the ocean. whether or not he actually believes it's there or is just keeping up appearances

#i just think it would be funny #actually that's my thought process for most of these #idk if earnur would pick up lol but yknow #there's a whole list of ppl you could palanskype to tell them Do Not; he's selected more or less at random from that #ask games #ty friend :D

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wizardheart83 · 1 year

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Rings of Power Analysis Part #5

Back to this format cause aesthetics

Durins 4 and 3 Vs Míriel and Palantir

Both are sets containing a ruler and an adult child. In both cases the ruler has access to mystical knowledge beyond the reach of most people ( the collective wisdom of past dwarf kings and Palantir’s palantir).

No moms, nowhere no sir, except Durin 4’s whose memory is a stick in the fight between him and his dad and everyone gets more beat up for it.

In both cases the adult heir to the throne is being hemmed in by the actions of their father.

Because of Palantir’s reforms Míriel walks a tightrope trying to be faithful but project agreement with the majority of her people. Because Durin 3 is holding onto the status quo that has worked well for his people and allowed them to thrive, his son Durin 4 feels frustrated and unable to enact plans he feels could bring them still more success. Durin 4 walks a tightrope between loyalty to his king and loyalty to himself and his friend. Interesting differences:

The royals in our two plots are asking fundamentally different questions.

Can khazad dum advance? vs Can Númenor be saved?

Both kings seem to be landing on “no” or maybe “not like that” but in different ways and by different means.

Palantir’s last scene shows him confused but hopeful, still believing that his daughter can turn the people to the old ways and save the island. But he doesn’t think that going to middle earth will help, and he believes it will be ruinous for at least Míriel.

Míriel and Palantir are/ were partners, carrying the secret of the wave and grappling with hope and fear together as Palantir declines, leaving Míriel alone, but not by his own choice.

King Durin has presided over a time of positive and rapid change and his rejection of Durin 4’s plan is seemingly based in the belief that that can continue without the risks associated with mithril.

The Durins are increasingly adversarial as the season goes on. They have different values and can’t bridge the gap, despite love and fealty binding them. Durin 3 in a sense abandons Durin 4 but it’s a pained act, he takes no joy in it .

Thus Durin 4 like Míriel, ends the season with a future in some serious doubt.

I’ve been tracking ambition in these, and of the two, Durin 4 is more openly ambitious but it’s debatable. Miriel is queen regent, vulnerable and powerful in equal measure. she’s on the tightrope over a populist uprising that could take the line of Elros off the throne for the first time since Numenor was founded and if she fails every still living soul she’s ever known or seen or had a passing thought about prior to Galadriel’s arrival dies horribly. Durin 4’s home will at best be more awesome, if he succeeds, or at worst stagnate (as far as he knows).

Míriel has more to lose, so what she personally wants is necessarily secondary to what she feels she can do without failing at her one very difficult job.

The above makes it hard to judge coloring in the line status as well … shall we call that “lawfulness”?

What does this show have to say about the tensions between being a good king and being a good father? Palantir has, we can infer, lost the ability to see Miriel by his end, to the extent that he can’t tell it’s not miriel in the room, but he talks clearly to his heir. Durin 3 turns his back on his son after looking him in the eyes and removing the symbol of his status as heir. (god this show has stuff to say about fathers, so much, but that’s another post)

The fates of these kingdoms and of the two adult children of their once rulers will be something to watch.

Both are at the end separated from the ones who incited much of the upheaval in their lives, our final pair Elrond and Galadriel. Look for that one tomorrow, probably. Then maybe some attempt at a conclusion but the show is in its earliest days so don’t count on that, this is a time for questions more than answers I think.

Ps if Durin 4 and Miriel parallels are your thing, this may interest you

#rings of power #wizardheart83 rants about parallels #trop #the rings of power spoilers #miriel #durin iv #tar palantir #Durin 3

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dunadaan · 2 years

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uuuuuguguhhhh i hit the biggest snag in my grey company fic yet, which i KNEW would be a big headache but not this big.

i love the lotr films and the books but i like the films a little more- there’s a lot more breathing room and things are slowed tf down. The books are almost non stop action and travel (except when they rest for a month or two lol), and then as soon as they leave lorien they literally never stop moving and it is SUCH a big pain in the ass. (more under the cut if anyone wants to hear the ramblings of a mad woman)

in the books, pippin looks into the palantir, finds out about MT. they all ride like fucking mad men, but gandalf takes pippin to MT, theoden and GC retreat to helms deep. aragorn looks into palantir at helms deep and sees the black ships, and realizes elronds words- they have 10 days before MT falls maybe. theoden leaves first, to arrive at edoras ---> dunharrow but takes the “mountain paths”. aragorn and co and GC leave at dawn. “and while theoden went by slow paths in the hills, the Grey Company passed swiftly over the plain, and on the next day in the afternoon they came to Edoras, and there they halted only briefly, ere they passed up the valley, and so came to Dunharrow as darkness fell.” (ROTK 765) everyone pretty much knows what theyre doing, and gets it done without waiting. aragorn gets to dunharrow first, goes through paths, theoden arrives like a day or two later or smth im too lazy to delve further.

in the films though the palantir scene is delayed until after the return to Edoras with everyone and they even get a party! yay! the GC deserve a good party! especially after the shit theyve just been through lol. so the morning after pippin gets fried by the palantir, gandalf has a little meeting to tell everyone what happened. also the whole bit with Theoden being like uhm...what do we owe gondor...bitch! idk if i’d keep cuz it’s just so ooc but i get why they have it for the films they need that conflict and delay. but anyways, gandalf tells aragorn about the ships, presumably from what pippin told him about what he saw in the palantir, rather than aragorn looking into it himself. or maybe the brief moment he touched it aragorn did see it but w/e. anyways. but he doesnt tell him about the paths, elrond does (elrond is 100% cut sorry lol)

so like everyone has to sit on their ass in edoras while waiting for the beacons after Gandalf gets there (which btw fucks up my timeline so severely i’m wondering if i shouldn’t even bother with my calendar anymore bc i want the film pace in the beginning, shit NEEDS to slow down and they need a fucking break!!!!!! the GC asses are sore!!). the issue is this-- Aragorn knows he must “follow the river and look for the black ships” but not how. They all stay in Edoras sitting and farting and they all go together to Dunharrow once the beacons are lit, rather than separately. And then Elrond comes (don’t even get me STARTED on this scene i love elrond but it makes NO SENSE!!) and tells him hey. use the ghosts. not the women that could probably fight if anyone gave them a chance lol. and THATS what spurs aragorn to go through. and then legolas spouts the prophecy of malbeth which excuse me, why does he know, mirkwood bumpkin.

so now I have this dilemma of information- it’s a matter of when its given, not the information itself. The Grey Company’s whole purpose is A. to aid Aragorn in the hour of his need, at his own (subconscious) behest, and B. bring the words of Elrond to him: Bid Aragorn remember the words of the seer, and the Paths of the Dead. Why would Aragorn and the GC pause at Edoras to party if they know to go that way? If they’re back at Edoras, they don’t know that MT is the next target because Pippin only looks then, not when they’re just outside the Fords of Isen. So are the words nonsensical until they learn from the palantir? I would say maybe they don’t know quite yet where the paths are, but Aragorn in the books definitely happens to know, and in the films he stumbles on it by going with Theoden. I dont think Aragorn could rest much if he knew the words of GC, he’d be mulling them over for a while and then just leave w/o Theoden like he does in the books to get there faster once he did know....maybe we can pretend the info was lost, or Aragorn doesnt mention it until they get to dunharrow to theoden...? who tf knows. its 2am though and my brain is mush and my desk is strewn with maps and timelines and the books so. perhaps a thought for tomorrow

#the big grey company fic #im literally just thinking out loud sorry it helps me brainstorm solutions #im sure there is a way to solve this but rn my brain is like melting #and anyways my whole outline is literally me having multiple diverging solutions #listing them all and then not choosing one and just continuing on LOL #cuz its better to get it all down for the extremely rough outline of events and then go back/make a new doc when ive narrowed stuff down #blending the books and the films is really hard ok i get why they cut the grey company and it makes sense and was for the best #but i dont forgive them for it...

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nomadicism · 2 years

Note

What do you think the aftermath of the "Elon Musk Twitter buyout" is gonna be?

Hi Anon, thank you for the Ask!

The true aftermath won't be till around early next year. These things take time to finalize.

Short term:

We're already seeing tens of thousands of new fake accounts appearing so there will be exponentially more disinfo to come (look up bots and Bolsonaro as just one example).

If Musk is even serious (dubious, as this smells like a scam), then he'll spend some time discrediting anyone at Twitter that could be a threat to whatever he has in mind for changes, and the bot army and some sad fanboys will target those people's own Twitter accounts (if they have them). That's authoritarianism 101 by the way. The point is to harass people in key positions into resigning, perhaps with a tasty severance package for their trouble if there is someone in a position to dole those out who wants to save some face for the company or their new aristocrat.

He will eventually get bored and move onto the next attention-gathering stunt-grift.

Mostly, I expect that Musk will become busy ruining Austin into his Tesladome, to do anything serious until the deal is Actually Finalized (again, these things take months).

Since the mid-term elections are coming up in the US, and Russia's invasion of Ukraine hasn't ended yet, I expect that this will lead to more disinfo related to the elections and the war. More eyes on Twitter = more eyes for lies. Note: I'm not saying that he'd have anything to do with that. Maybe? I guess. Is there a tax write off or Federal grant in it for him? Then no.

Long term: eh? I don't really care so I haven't given it much thought. Twitter has long lived past its expiration date. As far as usage goes, it's underwhelming. The majority of tweets come from the same small amount of prolific users. The only thing Twitter has going for it is the pr0n (sort of).

Assuming he's even serious, then I doubt much will change. Maybe he'll use it as a way to sell everyone's data to Peter Thiel's Palantir. Not that everyone is even remotely interesting.

I expect there to be some amount of financial loss over it that will be turned into a tax write off or some other kind of scam.

Some Housekeeping:

Friendly reminder to everyone that half of Twitter is fake, and Megablock is your friend (use wisely).

Anyone who plans on leaving should download a copy of their data, scrub all of their DMs, scrub all of the advertiser data (which you should be doing a few times a year anyway), put your account on private, unfollow accounts that you don't want to try to find again, and possibly take the time to delete however many thousands of tweets that you don't want to leave around (take a look at Jumbo Privacy, which can help you delete 3200 tweets per session).

But don't delete your account. Twitter will retain your account data regardless, so it's better to maintain control over your account. Put it on an email that can send you an alert for something critical, and pay attention to announcements of Musk's out-dated plan for account verification.

#twitter #ask me anything #anonymous

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themardlonk · 3 years

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Wow, the Lord of the Rings musical is GORGEOUS! I wish I coulda seen this in theatres during its run. I’m starry eyed rn. Okay, okay, things I loved about the London version that I got to watch:

pre-show dance number!

the hobbits trying to catch fireflies before the show

Gandalf YELLING every other word (we decided in the chat it was because he didn’t smoke enough)

elves descending from the rafters every so often to sing like beautiful aliens, and then ascending again

Pippin and Merry enter every scene by screaming

the Cat and the Moon dance at the Prancing Pony, everyone dancing with tables

Bree speedrun

that kickass female vocals theme that reminded me of the “lelele” TW3 song

nazgul lurking in the shadows of the stage

Arwen and Aragorn flirting over a sleeping, recovering Frodo

Arwen’s songs

Gandalf yelling at Frodo to awake gently

Holland/Caradhras speedrun

The Council of Elrond had really good stools

Edit: The chat yelling NO OATHS whenever Elrond appeared or anyone mentioned swearing at all (ty @bad-luthien-headcanons for reminding me lol)

Gandalf smokes in Moria and calms down a little

Gimli hums Durin’s Song(?) underneath Gandalf and Frodo’s convo

Moria speedrun

Galadriel!!!! Her voice is my new favorite discovery

Amon Hen speedrun

The orcs BOUNCE AGGRESSIVELY (they’ve got pogo sticks and Portal shoes)

Boromir dies because he gets knocked to the ground and then these aggressively bouncing orcs SWARM HIM (it was horrifying)

Aragorn’s Reveal happening when Boromir dies

Gollum crawling down from the rafters

The Three Hunters absolutely sprinting to “The City of Men”

Rohondor, Denetheoden/Theodenethor, the Battle of Helm’s Field

Denetheodenethor going from depressed to Ready To Throw Hands in two seconds flat

Apparently Gandalf the White makes his re-entrance by emerging from the middle of the stage like he’s a stripper in a cake (I missed this bc my battery died, alas)

f’s in the chat for Theodenethor’s death as Merry and Pip drag him off stage

Aragorn making his speech after the great Battle of Helm’s Field, centered in the middle of the Ring drop set, so it looks like we’re Sauron watching him make the speech to Rohondor through the Palantir

Aragorn and Arwen’s telepathic love song being followed by Gollum hissing off stage in the darkness

Sam and Frodo’s song? Where they harmonize and sing together about each other, and then Frodo goes to sleep with his head in Sam’s lap??? amazing

Gollum losing his shit in the reprise because he wasn’t included

Shelob was enormous, would’ve been even better with some

The Battle of the Black Gate and the SamFro trek to Mount Doom happening simultaneously on a spinning stage while Galadriel sings about light and life in the middle, glowing

On that note, Sam helping Frodo up and down the different risers as they progress around the stage

Gimleaf gets their own riser, let’s gooooo

The transition from the battle to Sam and Frodo struggling from left to right across the stage, up ascending risers, bathed in red (it was soooo good)

That whole number was just spectacular

Gollum falling in the hole in the stage, only to descend from the rafters in slow motion to show him falling into the volcano

Praise them with great praise!

They cut the Scouring, so the hobbits get back and the Shire is just dreary London with black umbrellas

Rosie’s “If you go on any more adventures, Sam, I’m going with you!” He married himself

The flowers in the last set, grown from the Lothlorien seeds, they were cute

Great end music and scene

#lotr musical #maria talks #lotr

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karahalloway · 3 years

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LOTR: The Abridged Script - The Return of the King

Series: The Lord of the Rings

Rights belong to the Tolkien Estate, I just borrowed the characters.

Synopsis: You have probably heard of The Lord of the Rings. But who has time to read over 3,000 pages complex material or watch over 9 hours of film (not to mention the +12 hours of behind-the-scenes content)? But luckily for you, there exists an abridged script, which will fill you in on all you need to know about this pop-culture defining epic, which you can read in all of 31 mins!

Masterlist: The Lord of the Rings: The Abridged Script

Word count: 2,300

Rating/Warnings: M (swearing, hero angst, bodily harm, main character death, fear, homoerotic undertones and snark)

Also available on Wattpad.

Booke 3 - The Return of the King

(At the soggy ruins of Isengard...)

Saruman (standing at the top of his fearsome black tower, about a mile in the air, but still somehow managing to be heard down below): You may have won the battle, but you have lost the war, Gandalf! You will never best me!

Gandalf (dressed in neon green Bermudas): Oh, great! Trust the narrator to yank you away from your well-deserved mojito just when you were about to take a well-deserved sip... And to continuously recycle well-worn clichés... (To Saruman) All right, you old git. Come down here and tell us Sauron's plans and we will consider not killing you.

Saruman: Never! I will die before you can take me alive! (Hurls Palantir at Gandalf, but misses horribly, managing to hit Pippin instead, who careens into the water.)

Pippin (resurfacing and rubbing his head): Oww... Hey look! A shiny ball of doom! It's awfully preeetty...

Gandalf: Give me that! (Snatches Palantir away.) All right everyone. We got what we came for. Let's leave this fetid place. The humidity here is not conducive to the frizz-free nature of my long, silvery locks.

Théoden: Halt! Art thou saying we art not to deal out most severe punishment onto yon evil Wizard for his heinous crimes?

Gandalf (already turning his horse away): It's being taken care of...

Gríma (stabbing Saruman repeatedly): That's for not paying my wages! That's for treating me like a worthless whelp! And that's for not letting me use your organic Argan oil conditioner! (The Companions watch with a mixture of horror and bedazzlement as Saruman falls a mile and skewers himself on grisly spikes.)

Gandalf (happy for once): Don't you just love plot devices?

(Meanwhile... On the gravity-defying steps of Cirith Ungol...)

Frodo (appearing and disappearing): Ring goes on...Rings goes off...Rings goes on...Ring goes off... Oh, Sam! This is sooo great!

Sam: Erm, Mr Frodo... Didn't Gandalf warn you never to put the Ring on lest the forces of evil be drawn to you?

Frodo (invisible): Pfft! No, he didn't. This is an abridged script. We don't have time for all those useless details. And quit lecturing me! You're making me look bad in front of Sméagol...

Sméagol (sliding up beside Frodo): Yeah, fat Hobbit! Master deserves better friendses than you! You shoulds leave. We has no uses for you!

Frodo (thoughtfully): Yes... Now that I think about, Sméagol is right. Thus far you have served no real purpose in this story. You should leave...

Sam (tears welling up in his eyes): B-but, Mister Frodo... Y-you can't mean that...

Frodo (eyes glowing maliciously): Oh, but I think I do... Be gone, you worthless tool!

Sam (falling on his face in despair and pounding the ground with his fists): NOOOOOOOOO!!! Mister Frodo! I cannot LIVE without you! You are the bright star that shines on the murky horizon of my dreams, guiding me to a better life! You cannot deny that we have something special and that it would be a colossal error to give it up and...

Frodo: Silence, mortal! I have no more use for your pathetic grovelling and homoerotic boot-licking. Sméagol here is my new BFF, and you can do nothing about it! Muahahaha! (Turns away with a dramatic cloak-swirl to the sound of Sam's echoing wail crescendoing off the sombre rock faces.)

(Meanwhile... Back in Edoras once more...)

Pippin: Argh! No! The horror! Make it stop! Make it stop!

Gandalf: You witless Took! (Back-hands Pippin across the face, making him drop the Palantir.) I told you not to touch that!

Pippin: B-but it was ever so shiny... And it showed me...images...

Gandalf (suddenly interested): Yes? What did you see?

Pippin: Well, I think I managed to catch Sauron getting ready for his bath. And let me tell you, it was not a pretty sight... (Shudders)

Gandalf: You worthless, peeping midget! Did you see anything useful?

Pippin: Erm... Define 'useful'...

Gandalf: Oh, never mind! (Grabs Pippin by the ear and begins dragging him out of the room.)

Pippin: Oww! Wait! Where are we going?

Gandalf: We are nearing the battle-heady climax of an epic fantasy story. Where do you think?

Pippin: To see the dragons?

Gandalf: No, you idiot. That was The Hobbit. We're going to the only conceivably important place left on the map that we haven't yet stumbled across even after almost a thousand pages of farcical adventuring. Though why I am taking you, of all people, I have no idea... (Pippin stares at him uncomprehendingly. Gandalf continues testily.) The place where the fate of the land will be decided in the biggest, most comically oversized battle the world has ever seen, at the last bastion of freedom and hope, where the forces of righteous good take on the minions of bottomless evil, which can only be where?

Pippin: Umm... I flunked Geography... And I slept through Tolkien in English...

Gandalf: Why does that not surprise me...?

Aragorn: What do we do?

Gandalf: Why does everyone always expect me to hit them with wisdom? You are all a grown men! Figure it out! (Slams door angrily.)

(Confused silence on behalf of all the men. Then...)

Together: LET'S GET SHIT-FACED!!!

(Meanwhile, in the chilly and mirthless throne room of Gondor...)

Denethor: So let me get this straight... You're telling me that you abandoned Osgiliath to an orcish scouting party who managed to overrun the city using an outdated, WWII-inspired amphibious landing technique?

Faramir: They also had Nazgûl... That was not part of our training...

Denethor: Spare me your feeble excuses, boy! Your brother could have held that city single-handedly, and you can't even hold it with an entire company of seasoned rangers and paladins?

Faramir (tears springing into his baby-blue eyes): It appears I have failed you yet again, Father... I am sorry I cannot live up to your unrealistic expectations...

Denethor: Damn right you are! Now get me back that city! (Faramir stares at him in horror) What? You think taking back a city held by ruthless, bloodthirsty orcs is hard? Try passing a kidney stone! That's hard!

Faramir: But...

Denethor: Quit questioning me! In fact, you should be thanking me! This way your name might stand a chance at making its way into the annals of history, perhaps has a footnote to one of the many heroic accomplishments of your sadly-deceased brother. (Heaves a mighty sob) Now go. Leave me to my manly grief...

Faramir (to himself): Where is Social Services when you need them...?

(Meanwhile, at the top of the gravity-defying steps of Cirith Ungol...)

Frodo: Oh, the weight! I can't take it anymore... Oh, help me dear Sam! Sam?

Sméagol: Fat Hobbit ain't here, Master. Yous sent him home, remember?

Frodo: I did? I can't recall... Everything is such a blur and the weight...Oh, the weight! It's unbearable...!

Gollum: Don'ts worry, Master... Its will all be over, very soons! In facts, it will all be over rights nows! (Shoves Frodo in a cobweb infested lair of putrid stench, cackling uncontrollably.)

Frodo: ARGH! It's sticky! Sméagol, what is this place? Sméagol? This is not funny! I have very acute arachnophobia!

Gollum: You'll sees! Mwehehehe!

Frodo: Smé– ARGH! (Frodo comes face-to-face with an oversized spider, no doubt the mutated result of escaped radiation from Mordor's attempts to build a WMD in secret using incompetent Orcish engineers. In a horribly anti-climatic moment, the bulbous bug pricks our hero, hopelessly paralysing him, and proceeds to encase him in...)

Sam: Oh, no you don't, you pesky bug! (Sam blasts the offending offal with Raid® Super StrengthTM insect repellent, which shrinks back to its normal size and skitters away dejectedly. Our hero's saviour rushes forward excitedly.) Oh, look, Mister Frodo, see how convenient plot devices are! It seems I have appeared in the nick o' time to save you from fermenting alive in web-juice. Not that I intended to ever leave you again, you see, being your literary foil and all, but...

Frodo: Will you just shut up already? I have the worst migraine ever and your incessant babbling is not helping!

Sam (to himself): And here I was, hoping for some gratitude... Some people are just impossible to please!

Sméagol: Yeah, tell us about it...

Gollum: Hey!

(Meanwhile, in the besieged city of Gondor...)

Gandalf (standing on top of the battlements and shouting enthusiastically as arrows and rubble careen through the air): Yar! Onwards mateys! Use 'em cannons t' blast 'em t' smithereens!

Pippin: Um, Gandalf? This is LOTR... Not POTC...

Gandalf: Bah, the Millennial obsession with reducing everything to bloody acronyms always makes me confused! Plus, Orlando Bloom's presence is not helping... (Stares accusatorily at Legolas as he proceeds to single-handedly take out an overgrown elephant with all its riders, while managing to defy the laws of gravity.) Wait... Where is the Heir and the Dwarf? And most importantly, where is that king of the Anglo-Saxon Cossacks with our reinforcements?

Pippin (shuffles his feet guiltily): Erm....

Gandalf: Spit it out.

Pippin: Well, after we left, the boys threw a massive party and got ridiculously drunk. I guess they're sleeping it off. Didn't you see the pictures on Instagram?

Gandalf (to himself): Now I understand why every fantasy cadre needs a Wise Old Wizard to watch over the heroes...

Pippin: Can't you just cast a powerful wizardly spell and turn all the orcs into toads or something?

Gandalf: NO! Absolutely not!

Pippin: Why not?

Gandalf: Because... that would be too easy. There are very strict rules about this type of thing and...

Pippin: Oh, I see... You can't do it...

Gandalf: What? That is a preposterous implication, I...

Pippin: Yeah, yeah. That's what they all say... That whole thing about being 'the most powerful Wizard the world has ever seen'? That's just an act, and I can see right through it... I mean, when was the last time you so much as pulled a bunny out of your hat? Face it, Gandalf... You're too old.

Gandalf: Bah! Too old! I'll show you too old! (Blast the million-orc army off the face of the earth with a snap of his fingers.) Ha! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

Pippin: Awesome! Now, if you could just do the same to the whole of Mordor, we'd be home free!

Gandalf: Not a chance.

Pippin: Why...?

Gandalf: That useless Heir needs to start pulling his weight...

(Later, at the Black Gate of Mordor...)

Gandalf (shouting gleefully): Sauron! Come out, come out, wherever you are! Look, the Last King of Men is here to see you!

Aragorn (still very much hung-over): Eugh... Tell me again, why are we doing this...?

Gandalf (hissing impatiently): Because, we have to distract the All-Seeing Eye so that Frodo can destroy the Ring, assuming the highly improbable scenario he is in a fit state to do so. And who better for that than you? After all, it was your ancestor who took the Ring from Sauron, and I hear the Dark Lord bears grudges for a very long time...

Gimli: So...we're bait?

Legolas: 'Tis correct, Master Dwarf. I art overjoyed thou hast learnt to state the obvious.

Aragorn: I dunno... I'm not sure I...

Gandalf: Silence, fool! My plan is perfect! (Gates bursts open.) See? It's working already.

Théoden (as a massive army pours out the Gates): Did thy plan account for an unruly host of fearsome, mutant creatures?

Gandalf: Minor, insignificant detail...

(Meanwhile, in the belly of Mount Doom...)

Sam: Mr Frodo! This is it! Cast the Ring into the fire so we may be rid of its evil once and for all!

Frodo: No.

Sam: Wait. What?

Frodo: That's right, Sam. I have decided to keep the Ring. It's too precious to be destroyed...

Sam: But...

Frodo: ...and with its power, I vill Rule Ze World! (Slips Ring on and becomes invisible to the crescendo of Wagner's Flight of the Valkyries.)

Gollum (zooming through the air out of nowhere): NO! Never! The Precious is ours! (Lands bodily on Frodo despite the fact that he is invisible and the two begin the Ultimate Battle for the Ring to Decide the Fate of Middle Earth.)

Sam (from the side-lines): That's right Mr Frodo! Stick him in the gullet! Show him who's the boss! Watch out! He's about to... Oh! That must've hurt!

Gollum (cackling gleefully): It's ours! The Precious is ours! This is the best days of our lives!

Frodo: No! This...is...SPARTA! (Kicks Gollum into the lava below, causing the Ring to be destroyed and the whole of Mordor to implode on itself.)

(Meanwhile, back at the Black Gate...)

Aragorn: Holy...! Did you guys all see that? Or am I more hung over than I think I am?

Legolas: Nay, my dubiously inebriated friend, thy eyes speak no lies. The unholy land of fetid evil doth in fact vanisheth off the face of this fair earth, no doubt prematurely expunging the lives of our vertically challenged companions. 'Tis truly a sorrowful day...

Sam: What are you talking about? We're right here. The Time-Warp saved us in the nick-o'-time!

Frodo: WHAT? We didn't die, despite all the odds? Now that is just cliché...

Gandalf: Tell me about it... And you have about three more faux-endings ahead of you before you can go and get treated for post-traumatic stress disorder...

Frodo: Being the hero sucks...

Legolas (forgetting his Shakespeare in a moment of rage): Hey, you think you have it bad? What about me? I get mobbed by fan girls wherever I go! I can't even buy a carton of milk without...

Gimli: Oh, shut yer hole. We all know ye secretly love it.

Legolas: Why you little...

Pippin: I say it's time to sit back and enjoy the show with a nice pipe of Old Toby's finest weed. What do you say Merry?

Merry: After a hard day's work saving the world, how can I say no?

Gandalf (meaningfully): And I think that just about sums it up...

THE ENDE

#lotr #parody #humour #fantasy #tolkien #lord of the rings #frodo baggins #samwise gamgee #aragorn #legolas #gimli #theoden #gandalf #merry and pippin #faramir #gollum

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paradoxcase · 3 years

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When Gandalf and Pippin arrive at the outer wall of Minas Tirith, the guards stop them and are like, we know you, Mithrandir, you’re totally cool and are welcome to come in, but who is this guy with you? Is he like a dwarf or something? We don’t want any foreigners coming in right now, unless they’re big strong warriors who are going to help us win the war. And Gandalf is like, this is Peregrin, a mighty warrior who has seen more battles than you have, and he just got back from the sack of Isengard, he is a mighty man! And Pippin wakes up and is like, this is complete bullshit, also I’m a hobbit, which Gandalf explains is a halfling, and then Boromir gets brought up because he went off to Rivendell to find out about the prophesy having to do with a halfling, and Pippin reveals that he was there when Boromir died, and the guards are like, oh, you can definitely come in because Denethor will want to talk to you. But it’s hilarious that Gandalf actually tries to pass Pippin off as a great warrior initially.

A rarity: a moment of Pippin dumbness in the book that is spared him in the movie (I believe): right up until Gandalf tells Pippin not to mention Aragorn to Denethor because Aragorn is trying to become king of Gondor, Pippin actually has no idea that Aragorn is trying to become king of Gondor.

There’s a note in the companion that one of the linguisticky things that Tolkien imagined but was unable to represent properly in the (English) LOTR was that although the Gondorians speak Westron, and the hobbits also speak Westron, the hobbits speak a variant dialect of it that sound very strange to the Gondorians. The Gondorians have a T-V distinction (which means, basically, that they have familiar versus polite/formal versions of “you”, and, the companion indicates, possibly third-person pronouns as well), but the hobbits use the pronouns that the Gondorians consider familiar for everyone. So part of the reason everyone assumes that Pippin is of high rank in hobbit society is because he goes around addressing Denethor and other high-ranking people using familiar pronouns. Like, Pippin is hobbit gentry, and does become the Thain, etc., but he’s not actually Denethor’s equal, which seems to be what people were assuming.

Gandalf and Denethor have this little pissing match when they meet, when Denethor finds out that Pippin traveled with Boromir and witnessed his death and wants to sit down and quiz him on everything that Boromir did, and Gandalf is like, uh, don’t you want to know about, you know, the destruction of Isengard and the treason of Saruman and the war and all that? And Denethor is pretty smart and actually suspects that Gandalf suspects him of being corrupted by his palantir the same way Saruman was, is like, oh, I already know everything about that that I need to, and then is like, even though the seeing stones have been lost, “the lords of Gondor have keener sight than lesser men”, just to remind Gandalf that he does have the palantir and could probably have literally seen this stuff happening with it. And Pippin watches this interaction, and observes that although Denethor looks more like what he’d think of as a prototypical wizard, Gandalf is in fact more powerful, and, in typical Pippin fashion, starts to wonder for the very first time how old Gandalf actually is and if he is even human.

#lord of the rings #lotr #gandalf #pippin took #denethor

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tidalcreek · 3 years

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tumblr user @tashimione i would love to.

IN MY ARWEN UNIVERSE aragorn and arwen are lesbians and arwen is much more involved with aragorn’s plot because they are a dream team. tolkien knew arwen was an underdeveloped character so he literally cant blame me for this! for simplicity im going on what i would change about the movies so im also bound by that format and i am actively trying not to think about how long this post is gonna be. BUT what that au would look like is:

we still meet arwen for the first time in the 'ranger caught off (her) guard' scene, and arwen still takes frodo to rivendell because i think that's cool of her. this sets up a very collaborative and equal relationship between aragorn and arwen that will continue throughout the movies (i saw a post recently about how the scene where they discuss getting frodo to rivendell changes everything you thought you knew about aragorn from the beginning of fotr, and shows you she's Not actually a mysterious loner and she does rely on arwen as much as arwen does on her. which is a VERY sexy take)

arwen is at the council of elrond-- she doesn't join the fellowship but she's involved! she has a stake in this. also i think that she and legolas should have a silly little friendship

elrond gives anduril to aragorn in rivendell. i love the rotk scene as much as the next person but im changing this bc a) ive never liked that it makes aragorn's worthiness hinge on whether or not she has anduril, instead of her being given it at the beginning of the journey and having to grow into the kingship as she carries the symbol of it at her side. and b) the movie scene messes things up for this au so to rivendell it goes

we still have the scene where arwen gives aragorn the evenstar but with different dialogue-- we're gonna b spending more screentime on this dynamic so we are NOT going to knock out all their backstory with one scene. in fact we are not even going to let them talk about arwen choosing a mortal life-- elrond can allude to that in a side conversation with arwen before aragorn leaves rivendell, but it's not a choice that she's actually made yet

moving on from rivendell through the end of fotr, we have a flashback or two w material from the tale of aragorn and arwen so we know whats going on there (love story of all time). this is where we get actual setup of arwen's Choice that's going to drive her plot, and also more emotional setup of aragorn's kingship and her reluctance about it (we fit 'all that is gold does not glitter' in here perhaps?)

in the first half of two towers we have a couple more flashbacks or scenes to set up arwen's plotline in tt/rotk. we move the arwen/elrond tension from rotk to tt, but stop short of arwen Making Her Choice; instead she and elrond fight and she takes the army to helm's deep without his permission (knowing that she's only postponing her decision)

like i just think it would be neat if arwen came to helm's deep like pj was going to have her do. she can fight! if they were gonna add elves to that anyway she could at least have caught a ride from rivendell with them. she shows up leading the army and we have an aragorn arwen reunion and she makes friends with eowyn and she kicks some ass. she has a thranduil botfa moment of seeing all the death around her and contemplating Mortality, which sets up her rotk arc

rotk: in place of elrond bringing anduril to aragorn, we have an aragorn arwen scene where arwen decides she has to go back to rivendell and take the ship to valinor. it is heartwrenchingly sad and we all cry but we don't blame arwen for fearing death and we love aragorn for letting her go. aragorn takes the dimholt road and arwen sets off back to rivendell

now we have parallel scenes-- aragorn in the paths of the dead and arwen riding alone across the westfold. this is where arwen has her vision of old aragorn with their son (they can have lesbian biological kids fuck you). it's all extremely dramatic and a big moment on 2 fronts: aragorn claiming her title and kingship for the first time to summon the dead, and arwen realizing she's making the wrong choice and turning back around. both of them making choices that they can't unmake!

on the way back to the rohirrim arwen runs into ghan buri ghan (hi king) and secures the army's passage through the druadan forest (and to justify taking up screentime with this, the druedain probably join the rohirrim and go to gondor even though that's not really the point of them)

anyway arwen rides to gondor with the rohirrim and fights on the pelennor fields; aragorn gets there with the army of the dead; they reunite on the battlefield after the fighting ends and it is the most justified high romantic drama youve ever seen. this is where we finally get i would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone. and we parallel this with merry and pippin's reunion bc gay rights

i havent seen the extended editions in a while so i dont remember exactly what happens between pelennor and the march to the black gate. i think it's mostly houses of healing + aragorn looking in the palantir? anyway arwen is there

arwen rides to the black gate with everyone else and flies her own standard of evenstar thank you very much :) i think it would also be fun if she fired a warning arrow at the mouth of sauron instead of aragorn killing him (since thats like. a war crime?). in my mind arwen is the fiery one in the arawen dynamic and she's more likely to react impulsively to the mouth taunting them with the mithril shirt

anyway arwen charges the black gate with the others and the rest of the movie wraps up as it normally does except for arwen appearing at the coronation (instead she just finally gets to see elrond again which is great). and you get to be happy for aragorn and arwen with some EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT behind it because youve had THREE MOVIES of their backstory and intertwining arcs instead of the bare minimum scenes! this is so much and im deeply sorry i have lesbian arawen disorder!!

#THIS IS TOO MANY DETAILS!#there’s also versions of this where reforging anduril happens at a different time and arwen is more involved in that #this one is just my personal taste #lotr

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eucat · 3 years

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Headcanon spiral about how things go down when Faramir and Denethor realize Boromir is dead. Faramir sees the funeral boat in the middle of the night, he has to wonder: is it one of my dreams? But even if it’s a dream he’s not very hung up on whether it’s a dream or reality, he just understands that it’s a foreboding message. But he’s obviously troubled over it, and finally decides “I should try to talk to Denethor about this...” and he’s sincerely trying to be vulnerable and close to Denethor, thinking that if there was ever something they could come together over it would be this.

So Faramir, with uncharacteristic humility, tells Denethor everything and seeks his counsel. And Denethor is...not overtly mean to Faramir or anything, but he does shut him down. And Denethor’s response is largely to be in denial. And possibly Denethor even loses his composure a little bit and says (or implies) a few unnecessarily harsh things: “look, you were sleepwalking...you’re anxious...you’re not strong like me! I’m strong enough to see HORRIBLE things!!! Do you think I’m not tormented by visions of my worst possible fears coming true [i.e. in the palantir] day and night?!?!” And Faramir’s just like ... And Denethor basically concludes, “this is only a test of your fortitude, and I sincerely hope you pass it, if not for your own sake, then just keep in mind Gondor needs you--especially if what you saw is true. But it isn't!!”

Faramir is needless to say not the most consoled by this stern lecture...and then a few days later the broken horn washes up and Denethor is very clearly horrified, there’s no room for denial now. He truly believed Faramir’s vision was just that, a bluff, a taunt from the enemy...and then the broken horn is sitting in his lap and suddenly it’s all too real. Grief pierces him. Complete silence. Faramir doesn’t know what to say. There’s no “I told you so...” moment...THAT comes later, it’s suppressed until it jumps out the day Faramir clashes with Denethor in front of Mithrandir during the siege of Gondor. But for now it’s silence. The window for closeness, understanding, grieving together is swept away because there are hundreds of other things to do, and they don’t talk about it privately. Faramir leaves and goes off to Ithilien where he’ll meet Frodo and Sam...so it’s an agonizingly painful distance that they don’t know what to do about. It’s too terrifying for them to be this vulnerable in front of each other, Boromir’s not there to triangulate, they have long established a dynamic in their relationship that is utterly unprepared for this exigency.

They both feel pushed: externally, it’s the harrowing circumstances, their duties, and internally...Denethor feels like he’s been cruelly betrayed for the vigilance he’s carefully built, that he’s HAD to build, to withstand the slow wearing down of the palantir use. He feels foolish!!! He didn’t believe Faramir, and now he’s annoyed that he was wrong about Faramir, that it was a true vision. He basically feels constantly gaslit by Sauron via the palantir, so this is a huge issue for him, when it becomes a question of his visions versus Faramir’s visions, and the way their gifts are operating differently and doing different things. It’s deeply annoying and demoralizing for Denethor. And there’s also this...resentment, Denethor is aware it’s somewhat beneath him, but it hurts so much that Faramir got to have this final glimpse of Boromir while Denethor, who loved Boromir so so so much, is striving in his tower and doesn’t get that mystical experience on the river, he doesn’t get to see his son’s face wearing the expression of hard won peace after doing “some good deed.” And on top of all this Denethor feels paranoid. Part of what was driving his whole outburst and lecture when Faramir approached him about the vision was this attempt to convince HIMSELF that things aren’t as hopeless as they seem, that it’s always this game of chess with darker forces that are trying to dominate your mind and mood. So this conviction that Denethor was trying to build up in himself is suddenly severely undermined. And yet in spite of this almost unbearable blow to his sense of safety and security, Denethor pushes through the grief and doesn’t give up, yet.

From Faramir’s point of view, his internal defenses are up...he’s wounded from being shut down and downplayed, and feels like Denethor was utterly uninterested in him when he first tried to share what he saw in a genuinely loving way. It’s about his pride, too, and Faramir just decides to walk away from it than risk more misunderstandings. And that’s the deep tragedy of the circumstances in all of this...if there had just been a little more time, just the smallest bit of space, an extra breath to take, it could have all come out between them and Denethor and Faramir could have truly looked each other in the eye and decided together: “look, we’ve spent SO MUCH energy being angry at each other to distract ourselves from being completely destroyed by losing Boromir. But we’re tired. Let’s just start over and be on each other’s side.” But of course their situation actually almost makes it more advantageous for them to both stay angry, because otherwise it would be pretty grim...and they can’t afford to be depressed. And in some sense anger is fueling them to move forward in their duties even as it’s depleting their capacity to love each other.

#denethor #boromir #faramir #IT'S SO SAD #they could help and support and understand each other like no else could #but instead it's constant emotional sabotage!!!

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smthrillion · 4 years

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Tolkien Languages

Elf Languages, Human Languages, Dwarf Languages, Ent languages, Ainur Languages, Orc Languages, Warg Languages, Thrush Languages, Black Speech

Again if you see any mistakes or would like something added feel free to DM me

And more parts coming soon

Human Languages

Adûnaic

A dialect of Haldorian, the Third House of the Edain, which is related to Bëorian and which of both are derived from Taliska

In the First Age it was influenced by Khuzdul, Avarin, and a bit of Sinadrin

Adûnaic was held in less regard than the Elven tongues, and therefore a lot of Edain spoke Quenya or Sindarin, even peasants

But as humans started to get jealous of Elvish immortality they slowly stopped using Quenya or Sindarin

Ar-Adûnakhôr, 20th King of Númenor, forbade people from speaking elvish in his presence

Later on Ar-Gimilzôr, 23rd King of Númenor, outlawed the use of Elvish languages in Númenor

And although Ar-Gimilzôr’s son, Inziladûn, took a Quenya name, Tar-Palantir, and repealed the ban on the Elvish tongues his nephew, Pharazôn, seized power instead of his daughter, Míriel, continuing the oppression of Elvish languages in Númenor

With the downfall of Númenor also came the downfall of the Adûnaic language, but Nûmenórian sailors and colonists did end up using it as a lingua franca

Later on the language spread once again and was used from Eriador to Gondor and became the language now known as Westron which in the Third Aga basically became Middle-Earth’s equivalent of English

Dalish

Language spoken by the Men of Dale

related to both Rohirric and Westron

Dwarves of Erebor adopted this language when speaking to outsiders as in Dwarves’ culture it’s taboo to speak or teach Khuzdul, the Dwarves language, to outsiders

The writing system of Dalish is an old and simple form of Cirth, which was the writing system consisted of runes and it was originally intended for Sindarin

Drúadan

language of the Drúedain (a.k.a. Druath, Woses, Wild Men of the Woods) who were a race of wild humans and mostly kept away from the affairs of the rest of the world

the language is unrelated to the Westron and is actually said to have originated from Elvish even though the language has very guttural sounds

Dunlendish

languages of the Dunlendings (a.k.a. Gwathuirim) who lived in Dunland, which is close to Rohan, they were also very vicious and savage people

the language is Pre-Númenórean and is alike to Haladin from the First Age

At one point a dialect of Dunlendish was spoken by the Hobbits in Stoor-kind, but by the Third Age the Hobbits in the Shire had abandoned it and used Westron

Pre-Númenórean

is a bunch of dialects in Gondor that predate Númenórean settlement

derived from humans who were separated relatives of the House of Haleth as their members stayed in Eriador while the Edain went west during the First Age

the only Pre-Númenórean language that has survived to the Third Age is Dunlendish and Drúadan

Pre-Númenórean languages of the Ethir and Pelargir merged with Adûnaic to later form Westron

Rohirric

language spoken by the Rohirrim (a.k.a. the Horse-lords) of Rohan

Rohirric is derived from the language of the Éothéod, who were a race of Northmen living in the Vales of Anduin

Has also had influence on Hobbitish Westron as the Hobbits who lived in Anduin, and whose ancestors now live in the Shire, interacted with the Rohirrim people and therefore adopted some of their terms

Taliska

language spoken by the Edain of House of Bëor and House of Hador

the people of Bëor and Marach had different dialects when they met each other and the Marach descendants actually looked down on the Bëorian descendants as their dialect had Elvish influence

later on the language of the House of Bëor was basically extinct because they basically fully integrated Sindarin into their culture as well as most of the House was dead because of Dagor Bragollach

on the other hand the language of the House of Haldor survived to later then on be known as Adûnaic

Westron

language of the Dúnedain that later on in the Third Age became the Common Speech or lingua franca of Middle-Earth

came from Adûnaic, but was actually a creole (mashup of bunch of languages) language at first, when Númenóreans started to become spread their influence in the Second Age their language spread practically everywhere in the West

After the Downfall of Númenor most Faithful Númenóreans neglected their native tongue, Adûnaic, in favor of Elvish making the dialects and the Adûnaic language become chaotic and disheveled among their speakers, but later it had more of a melodic and softer tone because of this Elvish influence

Westron was adopted by Men and Hobbits who lived in or around Arnor and Gondor (Hobbitish itself is a dialect of Westron)

Because of this Dwarves also adopted Westron as a public language, as well as because of the spread of it some Elves and even Orcs started to speak it

The Northmen also spoke Westron (ex.: Beorn, the skin-changer, and the Lake-men, descendants of the Men of Dale)

The Woses, Rohirrim, and the Dunlendings spoke Westron as a trade tongue when communicating with foreigners

Rohan under King Thengel, the 16th King of Rohan, adopted Westron in to their court rather than their native language, Rohirric

Hobbitish

the dialect of Westron spoken by the Hobbits in the Shire

the original language of the Hobbits is unknown as their origin is also unknown

Nonetheless by the end of the Third Age Hobbitish had a lot of similarities to Rohirric because of the many times Hobbits and the Rohirric have crossed paths in the past

Fun fact in the Lord of the Rings books Merry points out these similarities as well as later on goes to write a book on the relationship between the two languages called: “Old Worlds and Names in the Shire”

Language of the Lossoth

language of the Lossoth (a.k.a. Snowmen) who are the ancestors of the people of Forodwaith

the Lossoth people and their language for the most part was secluded and away from Númenórean influence but the people suffered from Angmar (the kingdom founded north of the Misty Mountains by the Witch-King (a.k.a. Lord of Ring Wraiths))

they also feared the Witch-King believing he could control thaw and snow and retreated into the Cape of Forochel which is in the northern part of Middle-Earth

besides this nothing else is really known about them or their language, though these people did know Westron so it has to be assumed they had contact with others

#hobbits #the hobbit #dwarves #elves #the Silmarillion #elvish #numenor #numenorian #westron #rohan #lord of the rings #tolkien languages #sindarin #quenya #hobbitish

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chaoticevilbean · 3 years

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Lord of the Rings Rewrite

Based off the movies, extended edition, and Pippin has magic

Merry hits me through the tent, and I quickly duck under the material.

"Quickly!" Merry boosts me into the cart and I quickly sort through the fireworks. I hold up a medium green rocket, but Merry quickly shuts the idea down.

"No, no! The big one, big one!" he exclaims, looking this way, and that so we won't get caught. My head aches slightly as I hold up a big red rocket, shaped like a dragon's head. I'm about to put it down, when I see Merry's face. He wants this one, so I push aside the ache and jump out of the cart and into the tent. Merry and I set the rocket up, but I'm distracted as my ache returns at double the pain. I try to ignore it and light the fuse.

"Done," I say, pushing the rocket up. It falls onto Merry's chest.

"You're supposed to stick it in the ground!" Merry tells me, panicking as he pushes it back towards me.

"It is in the ground!" I respond, his panic infecting me. My head hurts worse, and I try to figure out the problem. I push it back.

"Outside!" Merry practically yells, pushing it back once again. The pain dulls. Oh. That was the problem. This is bad.

"It was your idea," I remind him. He does all the thinking for me.

Suddenly the firework goes off, pushing us away and blackening our faces. It takes some of the tent with it as it flies high above the party, forming a great big dragon of sparks. Everyone looks on in awe, but my head is telling me there's something wrong. I understand as the dragon turns back towards everyone, flies low to the ground and almost hits everyone before flying off once again and bursting into beautiful fireworks.

"That was good," Merry tells me. I agree, but I wanna say that we should leave now.

"Let's get another one," my voice says without my consent. I internally groan at my automatic idiocracy. I turn to run off, knowing that Merry will listen to my stupidity, when someone grabs my ear. I hear Merry exclaim as well, so at least we were both caught.

"Meriadoc Brandybuck," a familiar voice says, "and Peregrin Took. I might have known." Me and Merry look to see Gandalf. Fear threatens to choke me, but I try to hide it. Hopefully they'll pass it off for the punishment that's sure to come.

The punishment does come, in the form of washing all the dishes from the party. Which, considering the entire Shire came, is a lot of plates and silverware and cups and bowls.

Late into the night, the crowd begins to call out for Bilbo to give a speech. He complies, standing on a barrel to be seen by all.

"My dear Bagginses and Boffins," the mentioned cheer loudly, "Tooks and Brandybucks," Merry and I join in with our families, "Grubbs, Tubbs, Hornblowers," cheers from each as they're mentioned, "Bulgers, Bracegirdles, and Proudfoots." I hear someone call out "PROUDFEET!" followed by laughing from those around him.

"Today is my One Hundred and Eleventh birthday!"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" choruses the crowd. Bilbo continues.

"Alas, eleventy-one years is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable hobbits. (cheers?) I don't know half of you half as well as I should like and I like less than half of you, half as well as you deserve." I think about this. So he doesn't know half of us as much as he'd like, and he likes less than half of us, and only half as much as we deserve. I see Gandalf smirk, and find a small mimicry move its way up my face. But I stop when I realize that no other Hobbits besides me understood. I'm supposed to be an idiot, so I adopt the same confused look as Merry.

"I, er, I have things to do." As the old Hobbit speaks, he reaches into one of his pockets. I notice a faint feeling of darkness as he takes something out of his pocket and holds it behind his back. The object glints the moment before it's hidden. "I've put this off for far too long. I regret to announce this is the End. I'm going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell. Goodbye." Bilbo smiles fondly at Frodo, while everyone looks curiously on. Then, quite suddenly, every Hobbit gasps. Every Hobbit but me. Bilbo seems awfully pleased with something he did and hops off the barrel and heads past everything towards his house. I see Gandalf take his pipe out of his mouth and scowl. I look at Merry, but he's just as stunned as all the others.

"What happened, Merry?" I ask. My friend looks at me, eyes wide.

"I don't know, Pippin. I don't know," he mutters. I furrow my brow as I try to think of what happened. Obviously, I was the only one not affected, and judging by what was going on, no one saw Bilbo head home. I watch the chaos and notice Gandalf heading after Bilbo, walking briskly, but somehow as unnoticed as the Hobbit himself.

"Come on!" Merry calls, and I turn to find him running off.

"Wait up," I call back, rushing after my friend.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

We found ourselves in the Green Dragon not that many days after Bilbo left. Apparently, he headed to live with the Elves. After many mugs of ale, Merry and I found ourselves on a table, singing and dancing away.

"Hey ho, to the bottle I go!

To heal my heart and drown my woe.

Rain may fall and wind may blow,

But there still be

many miles to go!

Sweet is the sound of the pouring rain,

and the stream that falls from hill to plain.

Better than rain or rippling brook-"

"Is a mug of beer inside this Took!"

I take over on the last line of the song, raising my half-pint in salute before taking a drink. Everyone around me cheers. It feels good to know that people think I'm good at something, even if it's not that great of a talent.

We walk out later that night, saying goodbye to Rosie on the way. We chuckle at the thought of what Sam would look like if he saw that. She's no more than a friend to us, but Sam's got the biggest fancy for her than anyone else I've seen.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I can hear singing, like something from another world. I turn and see wood elves passing by. Some are riding on the finest steeds I've ever seen, while most walk, carrying lanterns and wearing pure, glowing robes. I hear talking amidst the singing, and look in the direction it comes from. Just as I see two small forms gazing at the procession, I fall into darkness.

"Smoke rises from the Mountain of Doom. The hour grows late and Gandalf the Grey rides to Isengard seeking my Council. For that is why you have come, is it not? My old friend." A wizard with long grey-white hair and beard and an all-white robe walks down the steps of a huge black tower. Gandalf walks over as he speaks and bows.

"Saruman," Gandalf says. So that is the wizard's name, though what a name it is. I feel the fear within me tremble. Unlike with Gandalf, this fear is real, instinctual, not from years of experience but from something primal, something dark.

I feel a shift, and then Saruman and Gandalf are walking near the tower.

"So the Ring of Power has been found," Saruman states. I shiver at the feeling that comes when he says this. But then I think. Ring of Power? I've heard stories, but nothing concrete.

"All these long years it was in The Shire under my very nose," Gandalf tells his fellow. I want to scream at Gandalf to not tell him, that this wizard is nothing good, but I know that it will be no use.

"And yet you did not have the wits to see it. Your love of the Halflings leaf has clearly slowed your mind." I frown. Many of my best ideas come from Old Toby.

"But we still have time. Time enough to counter Sauron if we act quickly," Gandalf hurriedly says. Sauron. The name sends more shivers down my spine.

"Time! What time do you think we have?" Saruman exclaims, a hint of anger in his voice. Another shift comes, and suddenly I'm inside the tower. I can feel the evil in it, thrumming, but not like the feeling in your chest when you hum. The sound of a war drum, or the noise right before some big monster roars and devours you whole.

"Sauron has regained much of his former strength." I turn and see Saruman and Gandalf still speaking.

"He cannot yet take physical form but his spirit has lost none of its potency. Concealed within his fortress, the Lord of Mordor sees all. His gaze pierces cloud, shadow, earth and flesh. You know of what I speak Gandalf. A great eye, lidless, wreathed in flame." My head begins to ache. The evil in here is so powerful, and the words, and Saruman, and the very tower echo with darkness.

"The Eye of Sauron." Gandalf seems to not feel the darkness surrounding him. Could he be a part of it? NO! I can feel his energy, bright and filled with goodness. I move closer until I'm standing right beside him, using his light as an anchor in this pitch black place. My fear becomes my safety.

"He is gathering all evil to him. Very soon he will have summoned an army great enough to launch an assault upon Middle Earth," Saruman continues, not sounding concerned about the Dark Lord of Mordor trying to kill everything in Middle Earth.

"You know this? How?" Gandalf questions.

"I have seen it," the dark wizard dressed in white answers. The two walk into a different room and I follow. A pedestal stands in the middle of the room, a black cloth covering what sits upon it. I feel pulled towards it, but my will to stay near Gandalf is greater.

"A palantir is a dangerous tool, Saruman."

"Why? Why should we fear to use it?" Saruman pulls the cloth off, revealing a globe, a sphere of black, cloudy glass.

"They are not all accounted for. The lost seeing stones. We do not know who else may be watching." Gandalf moves forward, covering the palantir back up. As he does, I sense a darkness flash through the stone. He must feel it as well, for the Grey Wizard pauses, his face one of realization.

"The hour is later than you think. Sauron's forces are already moving. The Nine have left Minas Morgul." Saruman sits back on his throne.

"The Nine!"

"They crossed the River Isen on Midsummer's Eve disguised as riders in black."

"They've reached The Shire?" The Shire? My head pounds now. I know, I know! That's home! That's where Merry, and Frodo, and Rosie, and Sam, and Mother and Father, and my sisters, and everyone!

"They will find the Ring and kill the one who carries it."

"Frodo." FRODO‽ SERIOUSLY, GANDALF‽ Of all the Hobbits in Hobbiton, it had to be one of my best friends! And then Gandalf the... the Fool goes and says his name! Every thought rushes in one way and out another as I stare between Gandalf and his traitorous kin.

"You did not seriously think that a hobbit could contend with the will of Sauron? There are none who can. Against the power of Mordor there can be no victory. We must join with him Gandalf. We must join with Sauron. It would be wise my friend." I make a slight grunt at the friend part. You'd have to be a fool or evil to be friends with someone this dark. And Gandalf isn't evil.

"Tell me. Friend... When did Saruman the Wise abandon reason for madness?" I internally cheer at the insult, but all possible celebration is wiped from me as Saruman throws the firework-making wizard across the room. As the two begin to fight, throwing each other everywhere, my vision fades.

"GANDALF!" I shout as it all goes black.

#lotr #pippin #merry #frodo #sam #gandalf #bilbo #peregrin took #meriadoc brandybuck #frodo baggins #samwise gamgee #saruman

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mostlysignssomeportents · 4 years

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Attack Surface in Wired

My next book, Attack Surface - AKA Little Brother 3 - drops in the US/Canada tomorrow (it's came out in other English-speaking countries on Oct 1) and today, Wired's Andy Greenberg published his review of the series and the new book.

It's excellent.

https://www.wired.com/story/his-writing-radicalized-young-hackers-now-he-wants-to-redeem-them/

Attack Surface is a standalone Little Brother book for adults, telling the story of Masha Maximow, a complicated sometimes-villain from the first two Little Brother books. While Marcus Yallow spends those books fighting surveillance, Masha is one of the people building in.

At first, Masha feels like she has good reasons for doing what she does, redirecting her trauma of living through a terrorist attack into making her city and country safer.

But as she moves from the DHS to some Beltway Bandits contracting in an Iraq Forward Operations Base, hunting insurgents, she increasingly turns to compartmentalization and rationalization as a means of living with her own reflection in the mirror.

Finally, she finds herself in the former USSR, where a new employer puts her to work spying on pro-democracy activists for brutal oligarchs, and to assuage her conscience, she moonlights teaching those same activists to resist her employer's surveillance gear.

This self-destructive behavior can't last long - as Masha flees her (former) employer's wrath, she returns to San Francisco, where her childhood best friend is now a racial justice organizer being targeted by the cyberweapons Masha herself built.

What follows is the story of Masha's moral reckoning, and moral reckonings are the theme of Greenberg's piece: after all, Little Brother and Homeland inspired a legion of pro-user, anti-surveillance technologists and activists.

But it also led plenty of people into tech careers that have been devoted to taking away the freedom and power that Little Brother excited in them to begin with.

Indeed, virtually everyone working on surveillance, ad-tech, or DRM started with the life-changing experience of discovering how code could project your will around the world, and how networks could set your mind free to wander the globe in search of likeminded communities.

And now, every day, they go to work making sure no one else will have that experience. Like all of us, they make a compromise, which begets a compromise, which begets yet another and another, and one day you find yourself working for Palantir or NSO Group.

Indeed, under conditions of monopoly capitalism, a sizeable fraction of us, in tech and out, spend our lives (and our money) furthering the interests of companies and states that are destroying those lives, and the planet too.

In the book, Masha thinks about this as a form of debt, like the "tech debt" that ever programmer has had to contend with: you take a shortcut, and then you have to prop it up in subsequent revisions, until the whole app is a teetering mess built on a crumbling foundation.

Like so many of us, Masha's moral debts have mounted and threaten catastrophic default. Attack Surface is the story of how she structures a bankruptcy that she can emerge from, transformed into a new and better person.

In his review, Greenberg talks with eminent human rights technologists about their own experience of the novel, and the tales he relates - many of which I read for the first time this morning - literally brought a tear of awesome, overwhelming joy and pride to my eye.

From Nathan Freitas, who put the book into the hands of every young technologist he met and then assigned it to his NYU ITP classes, where it found its way into the hands of Harlo Holmes, who calls it "fundamental to her origin story."

"It informed my thoughts around how privacy should work, the interplay between movement activists, technology and the law, and what you should look out for when inviting technologies into your life to do that movement building."

Today, Holmes is director of the Freedom of the Press Foundation, teaching activists and journalists to resist foundation - the Foundation is also home to Securedrop, which Aaron Swartz helped create. Aaron wrote an afterword for Homeland, and took his own life shortly before its publication.

I toured that book haunted by his specter, telling his story as best as I could at every stop. Then, years later, I happened on some video shot at that time: Laura Poitras's Academy Award-winning documentary CITIZENFOUR.

Homeland gets a cameo there, as Edward Snowden is packing his go-bag while he hustles out of his Hong Kong hotel room, heading for a HK safehouse, a plane, and then, thanks to John Kerry's decision to cancel his passport midflight, to a long-term exile in Russia.

Greenberg quotes Snowden on the book: "He is to me a radical idealist, because no matter how bad things get, his mind goes to the stories of cooperation and creation-sharing.

"When the traditional structures of oppression are up to no good, as was the case in Little Brother, Cory doesn't reflexively indoctrinate young readers with platitudes on the inevitability of corruption. He helps them reimagine the limits of their own power."

And then Greenberg quotes my EFF colleague Eva Galpering, who, like Masha, is a brilliant security researcher raised by Soviet refugees: "This is a book for the people who realize that they've grown up and made a lot of compromises, and about how you turn back from that."

Eva is joining me on the Attack Surface Lectures, a series of eight events that start tomorrow night.

https://read.macmillan.com/torforge/cory-doctorow-virtual-lecture-series/

Her remarks, and those of Greenberg's other sources, filled me with soaring joy this morning.

Even in the midst of my crushing, daily anxiety for the future of technology, the nations of my birth and residence, for my child and the planet she'll inherit, I was uplifted today.

These books of mine have gone far, thanks to readers like you. Today, with one day to go before Attack Surface's publication, I feel like, in some small way, I may have made a difference.

#pluralistic

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whumpcentral · 5 years

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Legolas Whump Rec List

Tada!! After months of nearly no activity I am here with the rec list that nobody asked for!

If anyone is still into Lord of the Rings stuff and enjoys Legolas whump then I’m your gal! I learned how to use the internet at age 12 for the express purpose of reading Legolas whump fanfic and I have never turned back. Under the cut you’ll find a mix of old and new fics that I think are worth a read and review, both for the whump and because they’re just plain good

Also note: all these fics are Gen, and contain violence only to the approximate level that is shown in the LOTR books and movies unless otherwise noted

Less than 5k

I Am Hunter -The Yuggster

Characters: OC, Legolas, Aragorn

Words: 4,353

Summary: “I am Draug. I am Hunter. And tonight I repay my debt.”

Review: A lovely outsider-POV vignette, and one of my very favorite fics. I used to have a printed copy of it in case I wanted to read it at a time I couldn’t access the internet. Outsider POV is my favorite sub-genre of whump, and this piece allows you to get to know the narrator, and see the Legolas’ struggle through their eyes

Breaking of the Dam - ScribeofArda

Characters: Fellowship post-TTT, Legolas and Aragorn-centric

Words: 3,909

Summary: “A what-if oneshot: In the scene in RotK where Pippin held the palantir, what if Legolas had grabbed it out of his hands instead of Aragorn? Hurt/comfort and some light angst, as well as a good heaping of Aragorn and Legolas friendship and bromance. I just can't get enough of it.”

Review: The summary pretty much says it all. The h/c in this fic is amazing, and ScribeofArda is one of my all-time favorite LOTR fic authors

Concerning Barrels, Potatoes, and an Unusual Setting for a Heart to Heart - Sarah-K1

Characters: Aragorn, Legolas

Words: 2,871

Summary: “Legolas finds trouble, and Aragorn finds Legolas.”

Review: Definitely more comfort and friendship than hurt. This fluffy little fic has stuck in my memory for years, and I just had to rec it

Simple Comforts - Muse10

Characters: Bilbo, Legolas, Gandalf

Words: 2,279

Summary: “77 years before the War of the Ring, an unlikely friendship is formed between an injured elf and a hobbit after the Battle of Five Armies.”

Review: Another feel-good, comfort-heavy fic

Not Only by Blood Are Brothers Made - sheraiah

Characters: Legolas, Gimli, Original Characters

Words: 4,538

Summary: “As he watches over an injured Legolas, Gimli reflects on his friendship with the elf.”

Review: A lovely little hurty-comforty study of the relationship between Legolas and Gimli. Many Legolas whump fics have Aragorn as the caretaker which is all fine and good, but I’m always so excited to find a good one with Gimli in the caretaker role. This fic lets the soft side of a usually gruff character shine a little

5k-10k

By Example - Periphery

Characters: Legolas, Aragorn, Original Characters

Words: 5,936

Summary: “An ordinary girl gets a glimpse into an extraordinary friendship. Three guesses whose.”

Review: Another great fic that I’ve come back to read again and again and again

Lost & Found - iiiionly

Characters: Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn, Gandalf

Words: 7,622

Summary: “Legolas has no idea he's lost, though neither Aragorn, nor Gimli, can find him. Just needed to indulge in a little superfluous elf whumping of my own.”

Review: I can never get enough of whumpy Helm’s Deep AUs and this one is my favorite

-and it was done - neoinean

Characters: Aragorn, Legolas

Words: 8,429

Summary: “Detailing a simple rescue mission that, for once, goes off without a hitch.”

Warnings: The violence is quite graphic and personal in this one, I’m not sure if it’s worse than LOTR but the way it’s written feels more realistic and less like fantasy violence to me

Review: The whump is very detailed (hence the warning) which I like. I also really like the writing style of the fic, it’s unique and has a nice rhythm. The whole story has a gritty, realistic tone which I also appreciate

More than 10k

Trial By Separation - Veilfire Runes

Characters: Legolas, Frodo

Words: 20,173

Summary: “ Despite the bitter snowstorms of Caradhras, the Fellowship decides to continue their attempt on the perilous mountain path. But when the weather turns foul again, Frodo and Legolas are separated from the Company. The two must quickly learn to work together in order to survive the perils of the mountain and rejoin the Fellowship, or else risk the Quest failing altogether.”

Review: A slightly whumpier AU of the Caradhras pass. Includes lots of Legolas and Frodo bonding and I really enjoyed the characterization of both of them in this fic

At the Sign of the Prancing Pony - ScribeofArda

Characters: Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Legolas, Aragorn, Glorfindel

Words: 29,894

Summary: “ 'The shadows seemed to pause together for a few moments. Any words were lost in the wind and the rain, if there were words in the first place anyway. In the next moment the shadows disappeared, and the wind and rain took their places once more.' AU, if Legolas was with Aragorn at the Prancing Pony in Bree.”

Review: Whump-wise, there’s some good hurting and comforting. On the non-whump side of things, I appreciate the way this fic emphasizes Legolas’ experience as a soldier, and how that gives him a different perspective than his companions

Walking Wounded - Mirrordance

Characters: Legolas, Aragorn, Thranduil, Gimli, Boromir, Merry, Pippin, Sam, Frodo

Words: 24,552

Summary: “ Danger does not stop for grief or injury. For Legolas, there is no rest, respite, or relief on the seemingly endless road between Moria and Lothlorien. He, with the Fellowship he has sworn to serve, has no choice but to move forward, hurting and heartbroken.”

Review: An excellent slight AU character study of an injured Legolas. It’s a long fic and whumpy throughout the whole thing. If you’re excited about the character study aspect, I recommend reading the afterword for even more insight. Mirrordance is another one of my favorite LOTR fic authors

The World is Changed - Mirrordance

Characters: Legolas, Aragorn, Gandalf, and many others

Words: 41,053

Summary: “ Rebuilding a war-ravaged world begins immediately after victory at the Black Gates. Heroes and soldiers become Kings, Princes and administrators as they build families, societies and legacies in a changed, more peaceful world. A collection of Post-ROTK one-shots starting with "Triage" where, before all the work begins, Legolas first has to look after himself and find his friends.”

Review: This is one of the newest fics I have recced, and it’s recently been completed! I haven’t actually finished reading this one yet, but so far it’s excellent. It’s packed with whump and angst, and provides some great insight into the characters and their relationships after the Battle at the Black Gates

More than 100k

The River - Indigo Bunting

Characters: Fellowship 9

Words: 143,512

Summary: “The Fellowship must cross a river before it can enter the land of Hollin. When disaster strikes, Sam and Legolas find themselves trapped between the river, a party of malicious strangers, and each other. A story about friendship and sacrifice.”

Review: An extremely well-written and whumpy adventure novel with plenty of early-fellowship bonding. A lot of LOTR fics contain the same cliches, and most of the time I don’t take issue with that, but this is a break from some of the overused LOTR fanon. One of the qualms I have with many LOTR fics is that they forget how strong elves are compared to humans, and the feats they can achieve. This fic does not pass over this at all. Never fear, despite his fortitude Legolas is still whumped! I also appreciate how every character is really a character in this fic. Many times I find that the characters who are the focus of a fic are the only people in the story with any depth, and the other characters are written more like props in the background. Even with a group of so many characters, Indigo Bunting does them justice. A thrilling read, I cannot recommend it enough.

The Mellon Chronicles - Cassia and Siobhan

Characters: Legolas, Aragorn, Thranduil, Elladan, Elrohir, Elrond, and more

Words: 1,364,199

Summary: The Chronicles are a series of fics, starting with stories of Legolas’ and Aragorn’s childhoods, and then eventually how the two meet and become friends and the misadventures they have together.

Warnings:

A couple of the stories contain non-con elements, I’m not sure how severe as I skipped those parts, but there are warnings within the AO3 system on those specific fics.

It may go without saying on a whump blog, but there is particularly large amount of graphic violence and torture in these fics which will also be listed on the individual fics in the AO3 system

Some of them also deal with abuse of a minor and injury to a minor (if you’ve followed me for I while you might know I don’t normally read or rec any whump involving children but since I’m reccing the whole series, I’ll just include this as a warning)

If these things are not ok for you, I still recommend the series as there are a lot of fluffy fics where none of these warnings apply!

Review: This one goes almost without saying as most LOTR fic readers of the 00s era will have read them. The series in it’s entirety is truly an epic. It’s packed with angst, hurt/comfort, and bromance goodness. These were some of the first whumpy fics I read when I was a kid, and I’ve included them partly for the nostalgia value. They aren’t just about the whump, but they have enough physical and emotional pain for me to include on this list with confidence. They definitely read like fanfiction written in that earlier time, with all the now-overdone tropes you would expect. But the love, care and passion for the characters and universe truly stand up to time, and these tales are absolutely still worth a read. Since the original site is no longer functional, the link above leads to a reposting of the chronicles, with individual descriptions for each fic.

#fanfic #whump fic #fic rec #lotr #whump #lotr whump #legolas whump #my post

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