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stxrvel · 4 months

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i don't wanna live forever (4)

summary: with the winter soldier in action, you couldn't believe who the person behind the mask was

pairing: bucky barnes x avenger!f!reader

words: 5k

warnings: descriptions of weapons, wounds and blood. i'm not that good narrating action scenes but i tried my best! a russian word poorly translated i'm sorry if it's wrong :(, also English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes!

note: so we are finally here. the secret's out. i'm just figuring by now that this fic is probably gonna take longer than i expected, but i hope it'll turn out as we all want it! thank u as always for all the support and see u next time! if you guys ever have any questions or request feel free to dm me!

part 1 ; part 2 ; part 3 ; part 5

Another two weeks went by and the wound was practically healed. It was uncomfortable to touch, and you could feel a little pressure inside from the contact with the vibranium. But other than that, you were able to live a normal life.

Fury had informed you in a phone call that you would be on your way back to Washington that day. The agents had no news about the soldier, neither about the places you had visited, nor about the purchase of vibranium in the vicinity of Siberia. With the strong possibility of an assassin on your trail, you were back to square one.

Steve had returned three days earlier, having gone on a mission with Natasha Romanoff, and Fury had left the Helicarrier the day after Steve left, assuring you that he would arrange for you to return to the mainland once the doctors had cleared you.

Of course, you hadn't reckoned on the fact that on your arrival at your apartment, just across from Steve's, everything would be a mess.

Your friend hasn't answered your phone calls, despite your insistence for about twenty minutes, nor has he answered your constant knocking on his apartment door. His inability to reach you puzzled you. The last message you received from him was that he would be waiting for your message to pick you up, which never happened, even though you called him for an hour.

Worried, especially when Nicholas didn't answer your calls either, you found yourself on your way to the Triskelion looking for answers when the burner phone you always carried in your jacket or one of your pockets rang as you were about to walk out of the building.

“Hill,” you answered immediately, relieved that someone was finally trying to get in touch with you.

“Act natural. I want you to leave the building and go to the black van on the left corner. Get in the passenger seat.”

You obeyed, the strange absence of Steve and Fury making more sense in the light of the events of the last few weeks. It had to be him.

You quickly spotted Hill's van and walked towards it, shielding your eyes from the sun with one hand, not bothering to look elsewhere. You got into the car in silence, Hill started the engine and drove down the avenue in silence.

“What's going on?” you asked after several minutes of tense silence.

You noticed Maria's disgruntled face, something that is not usually very clear unless the situation they are in is insurmountable.

“Is it him?” you spoke again at her silence, a layer of cold sweat settling on your hands as you saw her pursing her lips.

“Yes,” Maria nodded, never taking her eyes off the rearview mirror. “He's here.”

“Where's Steve?” your voice almost came out on a thread, fearing the answer was worse than imagined possible. You knew this was coming, but so soon? You felt nauseous at the thought of meeting him once again.

“He escaped with Romanoff,” Maria took a turn, accelerating the car's speed. “They're fine.”

“And Fury?”

“The soldier tried to kill him. Twice.”

You let out a choked exclamation, covering your mouth with both your hands in surprise.

“He's alive,” Hill tried to calm you, when you felt like your heart was going to jump out of your throat. You tried to feel the relief her words brought, but the choking sensation kept growing as the seconds passed. “Steve and Natasha don't know, though. We have to let them think Fury is dead, only then can we get some leverage.”

“God, all this happened in two days?”

“And whatever else is coming. We don't know where he's at or who he's moving near,” Maria shook her head, realizing just barely that you'd left a bit of the suburbs behind. “Fury wants you here.”

A sort of abandoned dam gaped through the trees. Hill pulled the car to the left, hiding it between long logs and bushes.

“What's this supposed to be?”

“You can call it another secret section of SHIELD... or Fury's,” Maria closed the trunk of the car, where she'd been rummaging through something as you climbed down, handing you a bulletproof vest that you didn't hesitate a second to adjust around your torso. “How's the wound?”

“It only hurts to the touch. But I can move fine.”

“Who knew the Supersoldier's weakness would be vibranium.”

Maria opened an unlocked metal fence, mentally wondering if this was really such a safe place to have no security of any kind. A long hallway stretched out in front of you, which felt eternal under the yellow lights, until you turned at the bottom right and there he was. Nicholas Fury.

“What the fuck happened to you?”

“Whatever you did to the soldier, I already made it worse,” Fury coughed, the slight movement of his body causing him to grimace in poorly disguised pain. “Now he's looking to kill us all.”

“And what did you do?”

“Alexander Pierce,” was all he answered, sharing a look with Hill that you didn't know how to decipher.

“The... secretary?”

“Remember Peggy's theory that we could never prove?”

Fury spoke again, your attention completely directed at him. Of course you remembered that. And of course you remembered the way you had flatly denied that possibility out of fear of what that would mean for your friends' legacy. To Steve's legacy. To Bucky's legacy.

There was no need to elaborate, with one look from the Director you knew exactly what he meant.

“Alexander Pierce tried to kill you?”

“It's him, Y/N. The Winter Soldier was the one who killed Howard and Maria Stark in order to get the serum to HYDRA, to create more supersoldiers.”

“We're infiltrated by double agents, that's why it was always so hard to uncover them,” Maria continued, her words barely echoing in your head, never breaking your gaze from Fury.

Eyes crystallizing, you never felt so helpless as you remembered that you had it in your hands to avenge their deaths and didn't. And now he was here, seeking to claim more innocent lives for the benefit of a nefarious organization. No, no, that wasn't going to happen.

“Let me go.”

“No.”

“Fury.”

“No.”

“Nicholas.”

“No, Y/N. You just barely recovered from that vibranium wound, and you want to risk being face to face with that monster again?”

“I wasn't ready at the moment, but I am now. Nicholas, please. I can't sit idly by when Howard's killer is out there,” you frowned at him, your anguished, desperate voice nothing more a reflection of everything you felt in your chest. But Fury was shaking his head once again, ready to give way to no excuses.

“I can't risk you like this again,” Fury barely murmured, your ears catching the words clearly.

“But I won't be alone. Steve and Natasha are there.”

“And they're hiding, too,” Fury assured, clasping his hands over his abdomen.

You frowned, your back slumping against the back of the chair. Hill's sympathetic look on the other side of Fury's gurney angered you. How could they think the best decision was to leave you behind? You weren't the one lying prostrate on a gurney with a bunch of broken bones.

“They're closer to the lion's den than I am right now.”

“But them the soldier doesn't know yet,” Fury pointed at you accusingly, rearranging himself on the bed with a grimace.

You looked at Fury, his one eye daring you to contradict him. It was probably true, you weren't going to deny it. But that didn't give them too much of an advantage, if it was true that many SHIELD agents really were part of HYDRA. Natasha and Steve wouldn't be able to do much if, in addition to the soldier, a hundred double agents showed up to stop them. Maybe even the three of them wouldn't be enough, but you weren't willing to stand by and do nothing. Not when you had the opportunity so close. Fury might not see it the same way, but you couldn't demand it of him when he hadn't gone through what you had gone through so many years before. He didn't see the blank stare of a young Tony, regretting and chastising himself for what had happened, for something completely out of his control.

Fury wasn't going to accede to your wishes, that much was certain. But the good thing was that as a protected subject of SHIELD, you had your own wild cards within the agency, like bypassing the Director's orders when you saw fit, as in the case of anything deemed an emergency.

“Well, try to stop me.”

You stood up, turned around and started walking in the direction of the exit, the expansive hallway welcoming you once again.

“Y/N,” Fury exclaimed, his body leaning forward as if he had truly believed he could follow you with so many wounds on his body. “Hill.”

As Maria approached you, you raised your hand, her feet stopping almost instantly.

“No,” you looked at her and then looked back at Fury.

“Fuck, Agent Carter really has no idea what she did giving you those powers.”

“You know damn well I can take good care of myself, just as well as she can. I'm not going to let him get away this time.”

“That's what worries me. You're so consumed by this idea of revenge that you'd sacrifice anything.”

“And you wouldn't?”

Fury frowned, the words he intended to counterattack with dying in his throat.

“If you'd had to go through the death of one of your best friends, knowing it had been a murder that would never be investigated as such and go unpunished. When after spending years and years trying to seek justice, life brings you home empty-handed. Do you have any idea how that feels, Nicholas? Maybe I'd be willing to sacrifice anything to punish the killer of Tony's parents, yes, but I swear I'm not leaving this world if I don't take him with me.”

The man on the gurney sighed, sharing a look with Hill to which she responded by lifting her shoulders. The defeated sigh Fury let out was enough of an answer you needed, but he added:

“Let me tell you something first.”

You were trying to follow the black car that was moving at high speed across the bridge. You had no way of communicating with Steve because he clearly didn't have his burner phone with him and neither did Natasha, as Hill had tried to contact her before meeting you with no result.

You had identified four people in the car, one of them being Natasha's reddish hair, before an armored van completely blocked your view. Steve must've been with her in the car, but you had no idea who the other two people accompanying them were.

That is, until you saw him.

The Winter Soldier, getting out of the armored van and moving to jump into the black car where Steve and Natasha were, the panic that ran through your body forcing you to press the accelerator to the maximum.

Despite the armored van blocking your path, you could tell from the left as the soldier smashed the back door glass, your blood freezing for a minute until you recognized Jasper Sitwell flying out through the window, courtesy of the tug the soldier gave him until he landed in the opposite lane of the bridge.

The sound of gunfire alerted you, moving to try to pass the van once again, when you heard a car brake followed by the screech of metal against the ground. The van suddenly sped up, clearing a path for you now that it didn't seem focused on blocking your way, and you caught up to its pace by the time it slammed into the trunk of the car Steve was in. The pickup took the car over the front, with the soldier gaining momentum to get on the roof of the car and not resting until he was able to wrench off the steering wheel and turn back to get into the armored truck.

You kept pace with the van, trying to catch up with the black car, when a second hit on the trunk caused them to lose control of the car. You slammed on the brakes when, before your heart could leap out of your mouth, you saw three people roll against the road using one of the car doors. You didn't have time to react when the soldier threw a grenade in the direction of your companions, Steve pushing Natasha and the impact pushing him so hard that he ended up flying under the bridge.

You opened the car door, getting out as quickly as possible and impacting Natasha in the process. Neither of you had time to say anything as the hail of bullets began.

“Run,” you exclaimed over the noise, pointing to the opposite lane of the bridge. “I'll cover you.”

You pulled out the dual pistols you packed in your belt, using your car as a shield as you fired in the direction of the soldier and his henchmen, hoping Natasha hadn't wasted a single minute. However, with the grenade launcher at hand, it was hard for you to get far. The moment Natasha jumped off the bridge, you didn't waste a second running in the direction Steve had fallen when the shell hit him, the sound of the bullets barely grazing you, the soldier in your peripheral vision walking in your direction.

You found Natasha the moment you hit the ground, the serum helping you keep your balance and she wasted no time in grabbing your arm to pull you into the shade.

“He's a fucking lunatic,” Natasha pointed at his shadow over the bridge at you, moving in stealth for both of you to shoot when his gaze was on a bus that had overturned.

If you hit him, there was no time to know, running straight for cover behind the bus. When the sound of bullets returned, a mutual nod between Natasha and you was enough for both of you to aim directly at the soldier, firing repeatedly.

“Run,” Natasha exclaimed, her pistols steady in her hands.

You wasted no time, instantly moving in the direction of the sidewalk, firing sporadically backwards to get Natasha to your side.

“How did you get here?” the overloaded, muffled voice of Natasha startled you, finding her crouching next to a car activating the voice engine of a holopad.

“All SHIELD cars have a tracker,” you barely replied, trying to keep your breathing in check, glancing over your shoulder in the direction they had left the soldier.

Natasha made an affirmative sound, leaving the holopad with a voice recording right at the bottom of a car tire.

“This will give us enough time to take him by surprise. Come on,” she moved to the other side of the sidewalk, moving between the altered bodies of civilians to camouflage herself before finding cover behind one of the cars, her feline gaze fixed on the approaching soldier. “If Steve finds out you're here, he's going to fall on his ass.”

“I've been in worse battles.”

“Girl, you have no idea what we've seen.”

You frowned at her, the mystery behind her words leaving much to be desired. Before the soldier got any closer, when he was distracted falling into Natasha's trap, she signaled you with two fingers to move to the right, down the path they had taken to get there, and you knew she was expecting she couldn't hold him off for long and needed you for support.

When the bomb behind the car exploded, Natasha jumped over the car and took the soldier by surprise falling on his shoulders, both struggling hard until he threw her against a car ready to shoot her, when Natasha threw a small shock device at him that neutralized his arm and gave him enough time to gesture a run in your direction.

Natasha took the lead, alerting the civilians and trying to get as far away from the soldier as she could, when one of his bullets hit her and you cursed between your teeth. You watched him move to the right, looking to shoot Natasha from behind and didn't think twice before you took momentum and jumped on him, crossing your legs around his torso and using your right arm to cut off his breath.

He dropped his weapon, the thud attracting the redhead's attention. You barely managed to make a running gesture with your hands as the soldier slammed into your side until your legs gave way from his grip and, grabbing you from torso height, flipped you over until you crashed your back against the hood of the car you two had been struggling over.

When you saw him pull one of his knives out of his pants, you arched up quickly, jumping out of the car and taking a defensive position in front of him, who had remained kneeling in front of the place you had occupied.

Just at that moment you noticed that part of his mask had fallen off, finding yourself face to face with blue eyes that almost made you lose your balance.

God, those eyes felt so familiar. If it wasn't because you knew he had died you would believe it was him, because you would recognize those eyes anywhere in the world.

The soldier stood up, getting out of the car and approaching you as if you were his prey.

“Zhivoy,” he muttered, moving the knife between his fingers and cocking his head to the side without taking his eyes off you. You recognized the Russian instantly, barely having a second to process it when the fight started.

You heard a curse behind you followed by quickened footsteps that you quickly recognized as Steve's, and that was enough of a distraction for the soldier to pounce on you.

You narrowly dodged his first attack, managing the speed to your advantage, ready to block it when he lunged a second time. His blade grazed your forearm, but the pain was nothing and you didn't let it distract you from attacking him, sending a strong kick into his torso after you neutralized one of his arms.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Why don't you have your fucking burner phone?” overly concerned for your friend's well-being, you could barely process what he had told you, trying to pull more bullets from your belt to load one of your pistols, finding the cartridge completely empty. You both stared at the soldier, Steve ready to leap into action the moment he stood up.

“You shouldn't be here,” was what Steve said, before lunging at the soldier the moment that one put his feet on the ground.

You seized the moment to go to Natasha, pulling out of your pockets a spray painkiller that you knew you would need to apply to Natasha's shoulder.

“You really are prepared for anything.”

Around the chaos, you managed as best you could to move Natasha as far out of range of the mess as possible, and turned just barely to see the soldier throw Steve's shield at him, who dodged it just barely without stopping running. When you saw the knife in the soldier's hands, a scream almost left your throat.

Steve and the soldier began a hand to hand fight that you could barely follow, looking in every direction for anything that might help your friend. But with nothing but your own strength to defend him, you moved in his direction as the soldier lifted him by the neck and threw him.

About to fall with the fist of his metal arm, you pushed him to the side causing him to lose his balance, helping Steve to his feet before resuming the hand to hand.

The soldier passed his furious glare over you before heading straight for Steve, the same blond pushing you aside and meeting the soldier fist to fist.

You stepped in between the two once again as the soldier pulled out a blade and you intercepted his arm midway, hitting the weak spots necessary for his hand to open and release the blade. His blue eyes met yours for a second, before he furiously grabbed both of your hands by the wrists, which held his right hand, with his metal hand, to raise them above your head and send you to the ground with a kick to your entire torso. He didn't walk away without first exclaiming again, “Zhivoy.”

Steve snarled, once again taking possession of his shield and closing in on the soldier before he could approach you once more. Retrieving the blade from somewhere on his belt, you heard them struggling against each other, but only one thought kept running through your head, racing your heart in a panic.

His eyes are so like Bucky's.

But that couldn't be possible. Bucky's fall was not to survive, how could he have survived? Worse, how could he have survived to become that?

How could Bucky be the one responsible that you had been looking for for so many years?

Hating to allow senseless emotions to take over your rational side, you rose once more raising your legs and landing on your feet, just for the moment when Steve slammed his shield into the forearm of his metal arm and turned to grab the soldier on his back, pushing him with his own back so that he fell off the other side of the road.

But your breath caught in your throat as you heard his voice, barely a whimper before Steve sent him flying across. The blond turned to look at you in concern, for the sound you had let out almost sounded like a groan of pain, when your horrified gaze met his among the masses of air.

For a moment, it seemed like everything around you stopped.

Steve frowned and in a split second turned his head away, tears making their way into your eyes without you being able to take a moment to fully process what you were seeing. Everything sounded a little slower, Steve's defensiveness soon faltering as he understood why you had sent him that look.

The soldier's mask on the ground, his head turned in your direction, that face you never thought you'd see again.

“Bucky?” Steve was the one who spoke, in stupefaction, and the soldier's face contracted in anger.

“Who the hell is Bucky?”

With tears rolling down your cheeks and Steve's frozen stance, neither of you reacted when the soldier raised the gun in your direction, you for a split second regaining your consciousness and moving towards your friend when the sound of metal and a man appeared behind the soldier, large metal wings standing out behind the man who had just pushed the soldier out of the way.

You froze midway through holding Steve's arm, your hand sliding down his pants barely catching his attention.

The frightened look on the soldier's face, on Bucky's face, which he returned to them as he stood up, didn't stop you this time from reacting as he raised his gun at Steve once more, pulling your friend behind you, leaving your back exposed until you heard an explosion and noticed the pale Natasha a few steps behind, the missile launcher in her hands. You wanted to thank her, but you were too overwhelmed to think too much about it, to process fast enough what was happening. You had barely noticed that Steve had put the shield right behind you, holding you tightly against his chest.

When the explosion dissipated, the soldier was gone.

The sound of sirens and cars too far away, as Steve released his grip and looked in every direction he could to see if he could see him again. But the cars surrounded them with ease, Steve's clear eyes falling on yours, his expression a replica of yours, stupefaction and sadness reigning in them.

You didn't quite remember the journey or what had happened to make you end up back at the abandoned dam in front of Fury, Natasha finally having her shoulder tended to. They must've been talking for a while, because you felt their gazes on you, as heavy as the overwhelming pain that had fallen on your shoulders.

It couldn't be hard now. No. You couldn't back out after all these years… You really couldn't…

You couldn't even look Fury in the face.

When you felt a squeeze on your shoulder, even though you knew it was Steve, you couldn't find the strength to lift your head to look at him.

The conversation had moved to a nearby table and you were almost surprised to see Fury sitting there as if he didn't have some broken ribs, but you tried to pay attention because you couldn't risk failing at this plan.

“What's that?” the man standing to the side of Steve, who had introduced him to you as Sam a couple of minutes earlier, turned to Fury, who was showing the programming cards you were to use on the mission.

“Once the helicarriers reach nine hundred meters altitude, they will triangulate with the Project satellites and be weapons,” Maria explained to them, flipping her computer to show the plan visualization.

“Intercept those transporters and replace their targets with ours,” Fury complemented, the images becoming clearer on the blue screen.

“One or two won't be enough,” Maria spoke again, her eyes sweeping over those of everyone around. “We must intercept all three of them, because if one of those ships keeps running, a lot of people will die.”

Steve's hand found your shoulder again, apparently noticing how hard you were trying to stay present in the conversation, moving your intertwined hands on your lap tirelessly. Your head kept coming back to that moment in the road, his frightened look enlarging the hole in your chest, the uncertainty of not knowing what had happened to him after that, where he was at that moment, if he was even okay.

But at the same time the rejection, the sadness, the heaviness? How could you stand there and blame him when he didn't even seem to remember who he was? You had spent years looking for that culprit, looking to bring peace to the memory of Tony's parents, and now that you knew who he was, why didn't you feel calmer? Why did the pit in your stomach feel deeper and deeper? Why was your heart pounding with fear because you didn't know where he was?

“Look, I didn't know about Barnes,” Fury's words made you raise your head, his sorrowful gaze directed at your friend and momentarily passing over you. Steve's hand on your shoulder tensed slightly, leaning forward a little, his attitude more hostile than you remembered in the few minutes you'd left the conversation.

“Even if you had known, would you have told us? Or would you have compartmentalized too?” Steve's hard expression gave way to no claim, his hand firm on your shoulder. “SHIELD, HYDRA… it will all go away.”

The green views from the dam's high trail were pretty enough that you could distract your mind for a moment, the weight of Steve's presence at your side keeping you anchored to reality.

“Y/N,” Steve was the first to speak after spending several seconds in silence, his arms resting on the railing with his hands clasped together. “There was something I heard about and I… I don't know how to process it, but I think you have the answer.”

Your body didn't bother to react to his words, barely shaking your head in a subtle nod prompting him to speak.

“With Natasha we used a flash drive that led us to the coordinates of some… old SHIELD facility. There, at the time, Zola was alive,” Steve paused, your brow barely furrowing as the information caught your attention. “Well, his brain was alive because of technology. Everything was a machine. But the point is, he said something, that HYDRA makes a lot of things look like accidents when they're not, and he showed us a picture of Howard and Maria's accident.”

You half-opened your lips, taking a deep breath, too emotionally drained to care too much about what you knew he was going to ask.

“Maybe I wouldn't have made the connection if I hadn't stayed in that room to listen to you and Fury, but those mystery accidents you said were connected to the Winter Soldier, was theirs one of those?”

You felt his gaze on your profile as a lone tear ran down your cheek. There was nothing more you could say to him, at that point it was more than fair for you to give him a concrete answer.

“That's why you stayed after Howard's funeral, besides Peggy. She told me you had spent a lot of time investigating something you couldn't tell Tony. That's why you're running away from him everytime.”

Surely it was because you felt guilty, but more tears ran down your cheeks as Steve beside you only sighed.

“Why didn't you just… tell me?”

“I don't know, I didn't… I didn't want you to carry that around. You'd barely been back, knowing about his death had to be too much already, and I couldn't add to the fact that it hadn't been an accident. You have no idea how long I've been carrying this weight on my shoulders trying to find the culprit… and now… now this…”

“I wouldn't have minded sharing that with you,” Steve frowned. “It would've helped either way.”

“I'm sorry," you whispered in the middle of a sob, his deep breath sounding close as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders. “I'm so sorry, Steve.”

“It's okay, it's okay,” his soothing, comforting voice sent you spiraling, not understanding how he could put it all aside and accept your apology without further explanation. His hand running up and down your back caused emotions to explode inside you, your body breaking into a sob that Steve was already expecting, his arms holding you tightly as you cried your soul out.

You didn't deserve someone like him in your life. You seemed to be doing him more harm than good.

tag: @rubyxx16

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky fluff #james bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky fic #bucky barnes angst #bucky #james bucky buchanan barnes #winter soldier #the winter soldier #steve rogers #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #captain america

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redgoldblue · 7 months

Text

Fic Writer 20 Questions

Tagged by @luredin. Thank you!

How many works do you have on AO3?

49. which is insane to me. especially if you consider that 10 of those are actually 24 fic(let)s in one

What's your total AO3 word count?

360,722

What fandoms do you write for?

Whichever bug bites me. But the major ones are Hawaii Five-0 and Starsky & Hutch.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I Would Break Into Your House Just To Put Sugar In Your Tea (H50)

think about how good these seeds have sown (H50)

If You're Waiting On Me You're Backin' Up (I'm Way In Over My Head In Love) (H50)

unfortunately, Hands (House MD) (me and Hands have a contentious relationship. many of my friends could tell you of it. i long for the day i knock it out of top 5)

Not A Booty Call (Suits)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Not usually :(. I used to respond to all of them, but then it was making me stressed out about doing it, so I made a conscious decision that i did not have to do that and now I only respond to the occasional one that I actually have a response for other than 'thank you [heart emojis]'

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh my dude. do i... do that? do I have literally any that fit that criteria? maybe To Love (Verb, Transitive) (S&H), although that should tell you how incredibly unangsty most of my endings are.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Happiest, as opposed to fluffiest. hm. different criteria. I think happiest might be either If You're Gonna Do It, Do It Right (which is actually one of my angstiest fics in its body) or I Would Break Into Your House (both H50). Or Come Take The Wheel (S&H). Or Smarties Cookies (Non-Violent) (Leverage), which literally ends with the word 'happy'. as you can tell, this is much more up my alley.

Do you get hate on fics?

I do not, although I did get a comment waaayyy back in 2013 which funnily did not mention my actual writing, which was terrible, my being 13 and only writing for a year, but did tell me that the premise of my fic was out of character. it's possible that contributed to why i'm now borderline spiteful about making fics in character.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeah. Not a lot, but yeah. is bdsm/bdsm-overtoned a kind? That. Sometimes with feelings sometimes not particularly, but if it's with feelings it will be a truly stupid amount of feelings.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Not for years, but my very first multi-chapter >10k fic was BBC Sherlock/Doctor Who crossover. it was 2014. don't look at me.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

...yeah. Avengers crack!fic. the only fic from pre-2017 I'm happy to link, bc pure crack doesn't care about how good your writing is.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Look. I would be a liar if I said anything other than Steve/Danny. Other ships may come and go but these fucked up obliviously married certified Dad™ middle-aged white guy cops made a permanent and large imprint on my mind and there are entire worm colonies living in that imprint.

What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

The long Suits season 8 canon divergence fic, where Harvey's mother dies a season earlier than in canon and Mike flies back to help him through it. The first two chapters are literally like, 100 words away from being finished, so it's possible that if I ever feel the urge to watch Suits again I will drum up a truncated third chapter and post it but. it's also very possible I will not. There's a 5+1 Geraskier fic it would've been nice to finish too, but I don't ever see that happening.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, humour, emotional description that's just enough to the left of normal analogies that it makes you actually stop and think about/feel it. Occasionally, punch-to-the-gut-with-softness lines.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Physical description, good lord. Especially of settings. Having any reasonable idea of how long a fic is going to be. Actually doing the work of writing in between the times where the words just spontaneously appear in my head. Not as relevant for fic as for original work, but calculating how much backstory readers actually need.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don't know that I've ever really done it in fic, other than the occasional Yiddish word for Jewish characters, but I am doing it a little bit in my novel WIP, bc 2.5 of my MCs are Latinx and occasionally speak Spanish with each other. I think it's fine in moderate doses, assuming the characters actually would be using it, but that it should follow the same rules as pop culture references: either the meaning is broadly deducible from context, or it's not either vital to the plot or hugely disruptive of flow if you don't understand it. Also if it's anything more than single words you should probably get someone who actually speaks the language to check it for you.

First fandom you wrote for?

...BBC Sherlock

Favorite fic you've ever written?

can i say a wip. my spouse/neurological infection state of disrepair. but okay no in posted fics... ykw even though it's a fandom i am off and on with, and mostly off, and currently off, When You're Loving Me (That's When I'm Loving You) (NCIS: LA) is a solid contender. But I also am quite happy with I Would Break Into Your House being my top kudosed, I think it deserves it.

Tagging: @actingcamplibrarian @osointricate @bookwhimses @faorism @gallantrejoinder

#mine #Hawaii Five 0 #Starsky and Hutch #Suits #NCIS: LA #my writing #tag games #luredin

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violetfairydust · 7 months

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20 Questions for fic writers

I was tagged by @dear-massacre thank you! I love you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

0 as of yet, but I do plan on posting soonish!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Out of all of the fics I've written for Teen Wolf, my total word count so far is 1,115,142

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Predominantly Teen Wolf. I used to write for The Hunger Games and Divergent, but those have taken a back seat.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I haven't posted full fics yet, but my mom's approximate top 5 favorites are

Spring Breaking the Rules - Liam and his friends are going on spring break and he invites his crush without consulting with his friends

Skating By - The Hales go rollerskating and run into some interesting characters who want Derek's attention. Features very jealous Stiles

Teacher Conferences - an AU where Stiles and Derek are dating during 3A. They run into Jennifer at the store the day before school starts and Stiles is jealous she's talking to Derek, and then the following day at school they get into a sass off

Operation: Hayden - Mason, Corey, and Nolan are afraid Hayden is coming back to Beacon Hills to reconnect with Liam even though he's moved on and they try to prevent the two of them interacting with the most ridiculous means possible

I Love You, You Love Me - all human AU where Scott dresses up for kids' birthday parties for extra money. Malia hires him for her young sister's party and he has major issues with his Barney costume

My top 5 most popular snippets that I have posted are

Stiles and Isaac argue about costumes from 'Here for the Boos'

Stiles' wetsuit from 'Lydia and the Princess'

Derek is concerned about Stiles from 'What Sees Us in the Dark'

Stiles is sick and Derek plays doctor from 'Doctor Derek'

Stiles wants to adopt the weird teenager from Louisiana from 'Needs a Waterpark'

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

When I was writing on FF dot net, I would sometimes, but I didn't have a lot of time. As soon as I get posting more, then yes.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Nothing Left to Lose. Bring on the brooding, inner turmoil, and mutual pining.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics end on a happy note, or they're not super angsty. Off the top of my head I'm going with Family Practice because it's the fic where Stiles and Derek become parents and it's a very happy occasion.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have in the past, yes, and it was one of the major reasons I stopped posting at all.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

In my mind, yes. On paper, no. I used to, but I never posted it.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have not.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I posted on FF dot net a fic that was really popular and then I found out one of my readers wrote a very similar fic. It wasn't stolen or a direct rip off, but I could tell it was very clearly based off what I wrote.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've collaborated ideas, but we didn't write it together.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

I gotta go with Sterek. Always and forever.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

One of my old Divergent fics. I wrote it in Tris's POV and posted all of it, but then I was going to write it in Al's POV and I got halfway through, but readers will know how it ends.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I can come up with some funky fics. I enjoy my creativity.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Description. Either of the setting, characters, or actions. I try to flesh it out in editing, but it's difficult for me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't personally do it because I'm not fluent in other languages. I'm totally fine with other people doing it. I just don't know enough to make it good.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oof. I think it iCarly or Harry Potter.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I'm proud of so many of them. One that I always go back to entertain myself is If I May Say because I gave myself an excuse to watch YouTube while writing. Scott challenges Malia to only reply to people with the last thing she heard in the video she's watching and her replies were perfect and concerning.

#tag game #sorry this took me so long to get to #i had to ask my mom her favorite fics and she had to think

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askthechronoverse · 10 months

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Chapter Six: What is Real?

Last Chapter •||• Next Chapter

"Please, keep moving!" Her advisor started to sound even more frantic. "You need to listen to me!"

The three ran through the streets, the world in total ruins. Puppycorn was in tears and it was taking all Unikitty's strength to not cry as well. She looked at the back of her advisor, his psychic grip on her paw tightening.

"Will Hawkodile join us, Rick?" Unikitty's voice was watery, trying to remain hopeful about her bodyguard.

"I know you are concerned, princess, but you need to focus on getting to the castle. I know Doctor Fox had at least one spaceship built at all times. We can take her ship and try to get past the asteroid belt." Unikitty wasn't sure if Richard was talking to her or to himself. Did it matter? Should it matter?

The sounds of her people falling prey to the holes was deafening. Some fought back. Some pleaded and bargained to a higher power for an end. Even Hawkodile and his long-time rival Eaglator were working together to buy the people more time to escape. But she watched as even they fell to the holes, two found brothers facing certain doom together as a larger hole seemed to suck them in. Eaglator looked like he was being pulled apart as he tried to buy Hawkodile more time to get out of the hole, but they both soon vanished into the inky darkness.

"Stop looking back, Princess Unikitty! I can't protect you if you keep looking back!" Richard's voice was a muddy blend of fear, worry, and comforting, which caused it to achieve none of these emotions.

The cat rolled out of bed, slowly heading through the castle until she bumped into Puppycorn in the foyer. He was playing a video game, but he paused it once she walked in.

"Have you seen RJ? He's not at his cabin." The little dog looked so worried, Unikitty thought her heart was going to rip in two. Why did the puppy look so worried when he couldn’t find his friends?

"I think he was going to stay with Emmet, his friend from yesterday, for a few days." Unikitty shrugged. "He'll be back. He likes it here and he likes you." This made her brother happy again. She took a deep breath. "Can you tell me something? Do you remember our parents?"

The puppy's face went totally blank. He stared off into space for a few moments, eyes glazed over. A similar thing happened with the puppy before, but it didn't last this long. He blinked and spoke with his paw on his head.

"Almost broke my brain there… I'm sorry, sis, I just don't remember." The puppy frowned sadly. "Actually, I don't remember the question either. Maybe that's for the best?" Puppycorn blinked a few times before his eyebrows furrowed.

"It really isn't. You see, I have so many questions and the one person who can answer them is never around anymore. You're my brother, right?" Unikitty spoke with patience.

"Oh no… Uh… yeah. I'm your brother. Always have been. Always…" The puppy's voice trailed off, like the thought was lost in translation between his brain and his mouth. "Yeah. We've always been brother and sister. And you're the best big sister a puppy could have!"

"Thank you but that isn't possible, Puppycorn. I met you when I first landed on this planet." The cat took a step back, praying Rex would step in or something.

"But we… we have. I've always been your little bro. And I just wanna play with you. That's all I ever really want, because I know it would make you happy." His eyes started to well up. "Are you mad at me, big sis? Please don't be mad at me."

"No. I'm just… I have a lot on my mind right now." She shook her head. She didn't want to tell the poor puppy anything. Not that she constantly questioned who he was. Not that she was scared of the world ending. Not that the fact her human friend was missing scared her more.

"Oh. Good. I get really worried that… you'll go away. I don't know why." The puppy started to cry a little. "Please don't go?"

"I… I wouldn't leave you without saying goodbye, Puppycorn." The cat's ears went back. She stepped closer to pat the puppy's head. "You mean too much to me." Where did that come from?

"Thanks, big sis. I feel better now…" Something about the puppy's words felt hollow, like he barely believed it somehow.

“Good. I’m glad.” Unikitty patted the puppy’s head again and smiled slightly. She couldn’t help it. The puppy looks so… lost right now. Maybe he just needed his friend?

Unikitty waited until Puppycorn left to try to talk to someone else. Anyone else. She still couldn't find Richard, so she chose Hawkodile as the next person up to bat for her questions. The cat rushed outside towards the bodyguard's treehouse.

The scenery was blurry and vague again. Once again, all voices were blurred and distorted, the stations roaming to what seemed to be conversations with people like Emmet or someone from Cloud Cuckoo Land. A groaning sound could be heard and she could feel the color drain from her fur. Soon, something large fell in front of her, creating a crater in the ground. Debris flew everywhere and she could hear screaming coming from all sides of her.

She was panting as she acclimated herself to her surroundings. She was in a large dojo-like area. Perfect. She just needed to find Hawkodile. He shouldn't be too hard to find, right? He's huge.

It didn't take long to find him, predictably. He found her first, jumping from a rafter to the space directly in front of the royal cat

"Princess. Good afternoon." Hawkodile bowed to her, then leaned against the metal frame for a punching bag.

"Can I ask you something?" The cat sat in front of the door. She knew he could fly and fly fast, but it made her feel a little better she blocked an escape route.

"Of course. What's on your mind?" He crouched down to get to her level.

"What did you do before you got here? You said when we first met you've been training to be my bodyguard, but that can't be true." The cat tilted her head.

"I was training. I'm always training." There was a note of aggression in his voice.

"Hawkodile, how long have you been training to be a bodyguard?" Unikitty straightened up. She didn't think she was going to get a real reply, but she was going to try.

"Since I was a baby… no… Since I was a child… no, no… I was older, a teenager…Right?" The hawk crocodile grabbed a stool and sat down, gloved hand on his head. "I'm… actually… not sure." He didn't speak or move for a moment, eventually hitting the nearby punching bag at full force. "Why am I not sure‽"

"It's OK, Hawk. You don't have to remember that for me." Unikitty wished he would, though. "Where did you come from?"

"I lived in Action Forest for most of my life. My dojo…" Again, he didn't speak for a moment, returning back to reality with a pained yell and a flurry of punches against the punching bag. "I should know this!"

"It'll be OK, Hawk…" Unikitty swallowed when she saw the punching bag was already showing signs of severe damage. "Please calm down."

"It's just so… frustrating." Hawkodile took a few deep, meditative breaths and sat back down. "I'm struggling to remember here and I should know all this! It's my life, for brick's sake!"

"It's OK. I'm sure you'll remember eventually, right?" She got to her feet. "Please, don't get too mad that you can't remember. That's not the friend I know."

"I know. I'm calming down already. I just… it's not a good thing I can't remember. This is my life. I should know where I came from. I just remember training with my sensei and… Eaglator." There was pain in the last word, a deep pain that only came from a place of true loss. This made no sense to Unikitty, as she knew Eaglator was fine. She stayed in the doorway for a moment and watched as her usually calm bodyguard punched through the punching bag with unreal levels of aggression.

#the newspaper isn't antiquated •||• written works

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dailymeruem · 4 years

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Royal Guard Nomenclature

You might know the Royal Guards for having some creative names, and if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably read HxH Wiki trivia on where the names came from. However, I haven’t seen any comprehensive post getting right into it, so lets have some fun research time and look into the origins of the Chimera Ant Royal Guard’s namesakes and how they might have affected Togashi’s characterizations of them!

While i’m trying to keep everything as brief as I can, this will be a longer post so if you want to gain some knowledge and kill some time, read on! I’ve linked sources throughout the post for further research!

Naming Origin Sources

All three of the Guard’s names - Neferpitou, Shaiapouf, and Menthuthuyoupi, respectively- were chosen by the Chimera Ant Queen prior to their birth in the story. They are mashups from two sources - Ancient Egyptian mythology, specifically the pantheon of traditional gods and goddesses, and a French children’s book series entitled Caroline et ses amis (Caroline and her Friends) written by Pierre Probst.

The Guard x Egyptian Gods

In Ancient Egyptian life, people worshiped a large number of deities which represented natural forces and phenomena (sunlight, life, childbirth, etc). The people regularly offered sacrifices and performed rituals to please the gods so that these forces would continue to function according to divine order (ma’at). Each god or goddess had complex relationships, characteristics, and symbolism associated with them. {x}

Neferpitou x Nefertem

The first half of Neferpitou’s name, “Nefer-”, is derived from the Egyptian deity Nefertem. A very ancient god by Egyptian mythos standards, this god is associated with the lotus flower, as he was believed to have emerged in a water lily from the primal waters at the creation of the world. He also represented the first sunlight and the lovely smell of the Egyptian blue lotus. Nefertem is usually depicted as a young, beautiful man, and sports titles such as “He Who Is Beautiful” and “Water Lily of the Sun”. {x} {x}

In HxH, Neferpitou is the first Royal Guard to be born, which ties in nicely to Nefertem’s being a very early god born from the creation of the world as well as being associated with the first sunlight. As for the beauty aspect, Neferpitou’s androgynous appearance could play into this factor, as some gods in the Egyptian creation myths were depicted as androgynous.

Nefertem’’s mother is often credited as being Bast/Bastet, the guardian goddess of cats, or Sekhmet, the warrior goddess of healing (both goddesses are often considered to be two aspects of the same goddess). These goddesses are both depicted with cat or lioness heads, and so Nefertem is often depicted with a lion’s head or as a lion. I needn’t say more about this tie to Neferpitou! Aside from the cat aspect, Sekhmet’s being a goddess that both goes to war and heals is reflected in Pitou’s dual nature- both a ruthless killing machine in their own right and with their Terpsichora ability making instant armies, and a reliable healer using the Doctor Blythe ability, showcasing a compassionate side. {x} {x}

Shaiapouf x Shai

Shaiapouf’s Egyptian name component comes from Shai, which, interestingly, is not so much an entity as it is a concept- the deification of the concept of Fate. The name Shai is usually translated as “that which is ordained”. This god was said to determine the span of each person’s life; he was with each person at their birth and remained with them through their life until their final judgement in the underworld (duat). Shai would offer the true life story of the individual at their judgement, and could either protect or damn them. This deity has so much power in the Egyptian mythos that even pharaohs and other gods were subject to it. {x} {x}

Now, although Shaiapouf as a character doesn’t have an omnipotent power over fate, the concept of fate runs really strong in Pouf’s characterization. Pouf, along with the other Royal Guards, was present at King Meruem’s birth, and intended to stay at his side throughout his whole life, guiding and protecting him. This is a role that Pouf seemed to take to heart, almost to an extreme. As we know, Pouf saw the King’s destiny of becoming the ruler of the world and dominating all other species as being absolute, and began to actively work against the Guard and even the King himself when he began to stray from the fate that Pouf had “preordained” for him. Going so far as to attempt to kill Komugi, who was the most important person to the King, Pouf’s actions, although out of a motivation to protect the King, would have been damning for the King had he succeeded.

Shaiapouf’s nen ability, Spiritual Message, gives us a hint as to his namesake as well. The god Shai hid nothing from Osiris (god of the underworld) at the final judgement of that person’s life, and so does Pouf’s ability allow him to see the absolute truth about a person’s emotional state by reading their flow of aura. This gives Pouf the ability to come to conclusions about that person’s personality, thoughts, and possible course of action, seemingly allowing him to predict their “fate”. {x}

Also, this may be a trivial fact, but Pouf has the habit of ending his sentences with, “That’s all there is to it”. A very final and fateful statement indeed.

Being a concept, Shai is neither male nor female, but is more often depicted as being male. In this form, he is often said to be married to Renenutet (cobra goddess of child rearing who gave newborn babies secret names), or Meskhenet (goddess of childbirth). These three are often depicted together which gives us a definite picture of the cycle of birth and death. {x} {x}

In HxH, after Meruem is mortally wounded by the Miniature Rose Bomb, we get the lovely and terrifying experience of seeing Pouf and Youpi feed themselves to the King in order to revive him. In this scene, both guards are ecstatic as they have ascended to the level of a Chimera Ant Queen and are filled with an unconditional motherly love for their King. The ties here between this occurrence and these trifecta of gods associated with birth and life are pretty strong.

A few final small factoids: The Greek people associated Shai with their god Agathodaemon, a god of fortunetelling that was considered to be a serpent. As well, the word Shai was also an Egyptian word for “Pig”. Thus, Shai was sometimes depicted as a serpent-headed pig, also called the Shai animal. I am reminded of the time Pouf was shown to be able to rearrange his cells to impersonate a certain blind Gungi player.

Menthuthuyoupi x Montu

The final Royal Guard, Menthuthuyoupi, bears the name of Montu, a very powerful and ancient god in the Egyptian pantheon. Montu (also written as Monthu or Menthu, the latter which Youpi uses in his name) originally was a manifestation of the scorching effects of the sun (Ra), but over time this was modified to mean destructiveness in battle, which led to Montu being known as a god of war. He was said to attack the enemies of cosmic order (ma’at).Montu is usually depicted with a falcon head or a bull head. Falcons were a symbol of the sky, and bulls symbolized strength and war. {x} {x}

Montu was often linked with other gods and is depicted as a fusion of those gods. For instance, because of his association with Ra, he often appears as Montu-Ra. Occassionally he is linked to Atum (another creator god) and Set (god of scary natural phenomena and deserts). Over time, Montu was also linked to Horus, a god associated with the pharaoh, and therefore Montu is sometimes seen as being a symbol of a Pharaoh as a ruler and conqueror.

In HxH, Menthuthuyoupi definitely embodies the warlike aspect of his namesake. Being the only guard not made from human genetic material, he is able to act on instinct and devote himself completely to being a soldier for the King, attacking anyone who threatened the King’s divine rule. Being immensely powerful, Youpi was capable of immense damage with his Rage Blast and Rage Incarnate nen abilities. As well, just as Montu gradually evolved over time to represent more complex aspects of life in Ancient Egypt, so too did Youpi evolve over the course of the Chimera Ant Arc, which gave his life new and more complex meaning.

The many forms Montu can take reminds us of Youpi’s unique Metamorphosis ability, which allows him to change any part of his body at will to suit his needs. Youpi’s Rage Incarnate form, in which his body takes the worm of a winged centaur, is a callback to Montu’s two most common depictions; as a Falcon (Youpi’s wings), and as a Bull (Youpi’s hooves). {x}

One of Montu’s wives was thought to be Tjenenet, another goddess of childbirth, which has ties to the event of Meruem’s rebirth discussed in Shaiapouf’s section above.

An interesting tidbit of info is that Montu was sometimes though to be a guardian of family life. He is sometimes mentioned in marriage documents to enforce commitment; infidelity is described as “the abomination of Montu”. While this doesn’t really have anything to do with Menthuthuyoupi aside from maybe reflecting in his loyalty to the King, the next time you feel tempted to cheat on your significant other, imagining a frowning Youpi may dissuade you.

One thing that each Royal Guard has in common with all of their Egyptian namesakes is that all strive to support what they see as the Divine Order using their individual strengths, even if their methods of supporting this order greatly differ.

The Guard x Caroline et ses amis

The Caroline series is a series of French childrens picture books, or albums, written and illustrated by Pierre Probst. There are 44 books in the series, which were written from 1953 to 2007. They follow Caroline, a little blond girl who is independent and active, and her 8 mischievous animal friends, who talk like humans. The series was adapted into an animated TV show titled Caroline et ses amis in 1994, which is most likely the source Togashi got the names for the Royal Guards from (and you can find on youtube!) {x} {x}

Neferpitou x Pitou

Pitou is one of the 8 animal characters in Caroline. Pitou is a panther, and he appeared in a collection called “Les Albums roses” (The Pink Albums) in 1952, which were a precursor to the Caroline books, thus making Pitou the first character of the future Caroline series. Pitou is characterized as being lazy and cunning.

In HxH, our Neferpitou was the first of the Chimera Ant Royal Guard to be born, just as Pitou was the first character that began the Caroline series. Both of them being a cat is also a very obvious connection that both share. While there are other cats in the Caroline series, Pitou being a panther harkens to Neferpitou’s wild nature. Caroline’s Pitou being both lazy and cunning are character traits that show up in HxH’s Pitou as well; we see them exhibit extreme intellect in science, military strategy and manipulation, but at the same time they are the most playful of the Guard and get distracted very easily.

Shaiapouf x Pouf

Pouf is a white kitten that wears a blue bowtie. He is characterized as being elegant, snobbish, and eccentric. He is prone to going on rants about his dreams of greatness, much to the annoyance of everyone else, and he has little quirks such as hating water and the cold.

If it weren’t for the physical description, you might have thought I was describing HxH’s Pouf- he too is elegant, snobbish and eccentric and often goes on long, intellectual rants, which are mostly never followed by the rest of the guard. Shaiapouf is also always wearing a flowy white dress shirt that features a bowtie-like collar which is reminiscent of Pouf’s white fur and bowtie. While Shaiapouf isn’t known to hate water or cold, he does manifest peculiar quirks such as melodramatic monologues and playing his violin when he is upset.

Menthuthuyoupi x Youpi

Youpi (also spelled Yupi), is a cocker spaniel dog. He is naive, turbulent, and a little bit grumpy, but also generous, devoted and affectionate. He can be fearful and prefers staying home to going out on adventure. He really likes being cuddled by Caroline, the main character.

Menthuthuyoupi in HxH displays a lot of similar characteristics to his namesake: naive, turbulent, and devoted are all adjectives you could use to describe him. Because of Menthuthuyoupi’s lack of ego, he is solely devoted to the King and his divine destiny, not bothering to give a thought to other courses of action, which could be a reflection of Caroline’s Youpi prefering to remain in the safety of home. After Meruem’s revival, when Youpi and Pouf share a affectionate spiritual bond with him, Youpi is shown to cherish the new bond he has with his King, just as Caroline’s Youpi is affectionate towards Caroline.

~~~

One thing that all the Royal Guard share with their Caroline namesakes is that both sets of characters unquestioningly follow an independent leader character that they love and support. As well, in the case of Neferpitou and Shaiapouf, their manner of dress is a homage to Caroline- Pouf dresses in a very elegant and frilly ensemble, very French of him, in my opinion- and Pitou’s outfit is reminicent of both an old school French military uniform and a child’s school uniform.

A bonus Caroline homage in HxH: The titular character Caroline is famously depicted with her pigtail hairstyle. A certain blind Gungi player is also famously shown sporting a similar hairstyle.

Bonus Section: Meruem’s Name

Although not containing as much lore as his Royal Guard, the King’s given name can give us a few fun tidbits in keeping with the etymology of the Guard.

As you know, in-universe, the Chimera Ant Queen states her son’s name, Meruem, to mean “the light that illuminates/shines on everything”. His name is very close to the common Arabic name, Maryam (مريم), which has multiple romanized spellings. The most notable use of this name is in Biblical history as a form of the name Mary, who was the mother of Jesus, and Miriam, who was the sister of Moses.

It is thought that the name might have roots originating in the Egyptian language; the words “mry” (beloved) and “mr” (love) are thought to have been derivatives of the name.This root meaning would work in portraying the love that the Ant Queen had for her son, even before birth.

Other scholars have thought that the Hebrew root words “mr” (bitter) or “mry” (rebellious) were the basis of the name in the case of Miriam, as she was born at a point in history when the nation of Israel was subject to bitter slavery by the Egyptians. “Bitter” and "Rebellious” might be words you could use to describe Meruem, at least when he is first introduced to us. {x} {x}

Other fun tidbits: Meruem’s characteristic “neutral” face expression, young and feminine facial structure, and characteristic “cat eyes” is very reminiscent to a lot of ancient Egyptian art. One that stands out in my mind is the famous Head of Nefertem statue, found in the tomb of King Tutankhamun, which depicts the Pharaoh in question as a child in the form of the god Nefertem (remember him?). Interestingly, both Meruem and Tutankhamen were kings that ascended the throne (and died) very early in their lives. I’ll let you look at the piece and notice the similarities yourself!

~~~~~~

And that about does it for all the conclusions I’ve drawn. I hope you enjoyed reading through this and that it prompted you to do some reading and research of your own! Togashi chocked HxH full of fun little references to things in our real world, and it’s so much fun to do a deep dive to find all this trivia. If you think of/find any other fun things too add to this post, feel free to reply/reblog with additions. Cheers!

#hxh #hunter x hunter #chimera ants #chimera ant royal guard #hxh meta #i totally didnt spend 6 hours on this labour day monday no siree #ive been thinking about this a lot so i hope you enjoy!!!!!!!#long post #mod words #meta

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zaffrenotes · 3 years

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[TRR: WD106] Avoiding A Blunder

Summary: Prince Liam has to fill in for Crown Prince Leo, and Murphy’s Law is put into motion at the end of his trip. Chaos ensues, condensed Wacky Drabble style. Fic Rating/Warning: M; alcohol consumption, minor health/medical emergency, anxiety/angst Author’s Note: All main characters belong to Pixelberry/The Royal Romance, I’m just borrowing them * Fictional versions of IRL individuals are included with affection; any other characters mentioned in this piece are my creation * This is my submission for @wackydrabbles Prompt 106: You’re gonna get us busted! * You have @the-soot-sprite and @ao719 to thank for this ridiculousness, lol - Soot reblogged a photo, Betsy sent me this request

and...this is what my brain came up with (PS - thank you both for the movie discussion) * For the purposes of this story, Triydalia is a fictional country that shares a border with Thailand * Word Count: 1999 😅 (7 minutes reading time)

Taglist (if your name is crossed out, I'll tag you in the comments): @/ao719 @burnsoslow @gkittylove99 @neotericthemis @ofpixelsandscribbles @rainbowsinthestorm @superharriet @/the-soot-sprite @choiceskatie @jaqren @aestheticartsx @bbrandy2002 @dcbbw @gnatbrain @jared2612 @kingliam2019 @ladyangel70 @lovingchoices14 @nestledonthaveone @princessleac1 @queenjilian @sfb123 @texaskitten30 @theroyalheirshadowhunter @yourmajesty09

Liam was used to filling in for Leo at a moment’s notice; participating in conference calls with ambassadors for early morning updates when Leo overslept, and attending meetings with ministers when Leo went AWOL. He’d grown accustomed to his brother’s antics, but he wondered how Bastien managed to keep his position, when he’d lost track of Leo’s whereabouts countless times.

While Leo spent more time avoiding his duties as Crown Prince of Cordonia, Liam dutifully took on the extra responsibilities in stride. It often meant partitioning his already packed schedule to sit in on vital cabinet meetings or dining with visiting dignitaries, but sometimes Leo’s vanishing acts gave Liam the opportunity to travel.

Though their ambassadors handled the majority of day-to-day relations with other countries for trade, Constantine preferred to meet face-to-face when he could. One such time, a lingering cough turned to walking pneumonia, restricting Constantine to as much bed rest as possible. It also meant sending Leo to Japan for a meeting with the Prime Minister in his stead.

It would have been fine, if Leo hadn’t pulled another one of his disappearing acts.

A week later, Liam was seated on the royal jet on his way back from Tokyo, navy attache with espresso brown leather trim in the chair next to him. Across from him, Maxwell chatted with Anya over various Thai dishes. On the other side of the plane, Drake was in a heated discussion with leggy blonde Anitah while the ladies’ petite friend Donna observed in silence, fighting back a grin. “You’re an imbecile if that’s your opinion,” Anitah declared, raising her hands up in the air. “Are you sure that’s the hill you wanna die on?”

Drake smugly sipped from the crystal tumbler in his hand. “I’m right and you know it.”

“What are you two talking about?” Liam asked, relieved to think about anything other than what was in the bag and why it was so important he hand deliver it to his father.

“Fight Club being a better cinematic masterpiece than The Princess Bride,” Drake replied. “You guys agree, right? If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, you’d want to watch Tyler Durden fight the system instead of some…” he paused to sneer at Anitah, who crossed her arms and stuck out her tongue at him, “...story about a swashbuckler rescuing a princess? She’s not even a real princess!”

“Fight Club is such a guy movie though,” Anya argued, turning in her seat to face Drake. “Princess Bride appeals to men and women, with a much larger audience.”

“Okay, that’s two for Buttercup,” Drake sighed. “Maxwell? Li?” He looked at his friends expectantly.

“Fight Club, definitely,” Maxwell said, nodding his head. He’d spent the better part of the trip doing everything to get into Drake’s good graces after the octopus incident on the first night in Tokyo.

Before Liam could respond, a commotion from the front of the plane made everyone’s heads turn, where a pair of Kings Guards and two flight attendants were seated near the galley. One of the guards slipped into the cockpit, rushing out a moment later in Liam’s direction, as the jet slowly tilted to the right. “Apologies, Your Highness. Do you or any of your guests happen to speak Triydalian?”

Anya slowly raised her hand. “I knew a bit when I was a kid, but I haven’t used it in years.”

The guard motioned for her to join him. “Please come with us, miss. The pilots need a translator.”

“Is everything alright, Remy?” Liam peered past the guard, eyes widening at the sight of the other guard and one attendant hovering in front of the other attendant in a chair.

“We need to land the plane, Sir,” Remy answered, ushering Anya up from her seat. “Ramona passed out. She’s breathing but unresponsive.”

Twenty minutes later and after a jarring landing, they’d arrived at a small airport in the Republic of Triydalia, at the edge of one of the country’s many jungle forests. Calling it an airport was generous - it was more of a cleared dirt path in the middle of the jungle with a shack for an airport tower, and a man that looked like more of a hunter than an air traffic controller. After a choppy conversation that required pantomiming and hand signals, Anya left with Remy and the man from the tower to fetch a tribal doctor, while Anitah and Donna assisted the other member of the cabin crew to look after Ramona. They were warned to remain as quiet as possible and to stay inside the jet.

Minutes passed by in tense observation; Anitah and Drake continued their debate in low whispers, growing louder as they defended their choices. Liam could see the pilots discussing something pointedly as they checked readings on the instrument panel and worked on calculations. One of them stepped out, claiming that he needed to stretch his legs, and walked cautiously down the runway. When he returned, the other pilot joined him outside, despite the original warning to stay inside. Liam peered out the windows and checked his watch, worrying about Anya and Remy, along with his father’s instructions to avoid delaying their return.

While the remaining guard headed towards the back of the plane to pace back and forth for the eighth time, Liam took it upon himself to speak with the pilots. The air was thick and stifling the moment he stepped outside. Around them, there was nothing but green, green, and more green from the wilderness that surrounded them, abuzz with tropical birds and insects. At his side he carried the blue attache, remembering the promise to his father that the bag wouldn’t leave his sight. He spoke in a hushed tone when he approached the pilots. “You’re doing more than just stretching your legs, aren’t you, Captain?”

Both men grimaced slightly. “Yes, Your Highness. Even if we pulled back to one end of the runway, we’re still at least five hundred feet short of clearing takeoff.”

“What if we worked to try and clear the brush on either end?” Liam offered, looking off into the distance.

“There’s no way to clear out the trees, even the young ones,” the co-captain answered. “We might be able to take off if we could drop some weight, but the larger concern is the longer we wait, we increase the risk of encountering someone who doesn’t want us here.”

Liam nodded gravely; months of civil unrest in Triydalia meant rebel groups assembled faster than the government could contain them. There was no guarantee of anyone’s safety, stranded on a remote runway. There was no telling what was wrong with Ramona while she was unconscious, and therefore no way to treat her without the aid of a doctor. Ensuring the safety of the crew and his friends could have been avoided altogether if Leo didn’t constantly opt out of handling the duties of his station. In that moment, Liam abhorred the never-ending list of responsibilities thrust at him as a result of having to pick up the slack for his brother, knowing if their roles were reversed, Leo would manage to find a way to leave Liam to solve problems on his own.

“Could you excuse me for a moment?”

He’d barely finished asking the question before walking into the tall grass by the edge of the runway. Ignoring the pilots’ calls to return, Liam sprinted into the dense greenery, dodging between vines and scanning the ground for tripwires until he could no longer see the plane over his shoulder. When he finally stopped running, he bent over, hands on his knees as he gulped in air. Liam looked down at the blue bag in his hand, wondering what on earth was so precious to reduce him to a courier.

Shaking the bag did nothing; it felt practically empty, though he could tell something was inside. He couldn’t open the bag to check, since Prime Minister Abe and his father were the only ones with keys, and PM Abe handed him the sealed bag when they parted ways. Liam wanted to throw the infernal “murse” the ladies had good-naturedly teased him for into the bushes. Perspiration dotted his hairline, and he let out a primal scream, before taking slow, deep breaths to quiet the worrisome thoughts racing in his head and bring his heartbeat down to normal.

Cursed courier bag in his right hand, Liam braced his arm against his torso, pinning it in place with his elbow when he bent his other arm up towards his face. Curling his fingers into a relaxed fist, he pressed his lips against his thumb, thick brows furrowing in thought. All around him, wild birds called to one another amidst the chittering clamor of insects hidden in the foliage. He was so busy running through scenarios in his head that he didn’t hear the quiet click of a camera, turning to look up only when he heard a branch snap in the distance.

“Watch it! You’re gonna get us busted!” Donna hissed to Drake. She pocketed her phone, elbowing Drake in the ribs as they crouched behind large leaves. She ticked her head in Liam’s direction. “Go get your boy, none of us are safe out here.”

After some coaxing, Liam headed back to the plane with Donna and Drake, walking briskly through the jungle, eyes trained to look for anything out of the ordinary. Liam was alarmed when he heard and then saw the engines running, until Drake explained the pilots were burning off fuel to lighten the plane. They’d begun to walk up the steps, when Maxwell popped out above them. “Whoo!” Maxwell exclaimed, digging for another snack from the container he cradled in his arm. “Feels like a sauna out here!”

“Lower your voice, Maxwell! Please!” Liam seethed. His features pinched together in disbelief. “Are you...eating? Now?”

“You know I stress snack,” Maxwell replied, shrugging his shoulders. He shoved another cookie into his mouth.

Liam’s eyes lit up and he took the stairs two by two, knocking on the cockpit door before swinging it open. “What if we unloaded whatever’s not bolted down? The decor, dinnerware, the food and drink?”

“That...would certainly help,” the captain replied, looking back over his shoulder. He turned to his co-pilot. “It could be enough to get in the air after burning off the excess fuel.”

“You heard the man, Maxwell,” Liam said, offering his friend a nervous grin. “Get Drake to help you start unloading the plane. Has Ramona’s status changed?”

“Donna found the first aid kit just before she took off with Drake to go after you. Anitah found some smelling salts that gave her a rude wakeup call. Turns out her insulin pump shorted and she just needed some juice.”

Several more minutes passed as the group removed whatever they could from the plane, leaving piles of cookware, food, throw pillows, and even seat cushions to lighten the load. Drake whined when they gathered up the liquor, but he stuffed a bottle of whiskey in a cabinet by his seat. They’d nearly finished when Anya and Remy returned, running on foot. “That thing better be ready to take off!” Anya hollered, motioning for everyone to board. “Rebels on our tail! Time to go!”

Everyone scrambled back onto the plane; Liam relayed the urgency to depart to the pilots, who rapidly went through their flight checklist. Remy pulled Anya up onto the steps and they all clamored to buckle into their seats, the sound of gunfire in the air as the jet rolled forward and lurched up into the air, barely clearing the canopy.

Adrenaline pumping and breaths shallow, Liam looked around at his friends and the crew, thankful they were safely in the air again.

Liam thought he was having a stroke at twenty-four when he saw the contents of the bag. Constantine smiled with glee at the small gold cat, one paw raised.

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beevean · 3 years

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Other details I like about ShTH:

- you can’t play The Doom and Lost Impact in one playthrough. They represent two very different memories: The Doom, which is on the Semi-Dark path, is the day G.U.N. raided the ARK, a memory spurred by Black Doom to feed Shadow’s misanthropy. All 3 missions are highly stressful in-universe: either you go on a rampage to stop the raid, you make the effort to grant Maria’s selfless wish while you’re being attacked, or simply try to escape as quickly as possible - in all 3 cases, you get a glimpse of the fear and rage Shadow felt that day. Lost Impact, which is on the Pure Hero path, is a more peaceful bonding moment with Maria: you either help her taking down the Artificial Chaos before they hurt people, or you simply go check on Professor Gerald (who was still a kind old scientist back then). These two memories are irreconcilable.

- Lost Impact is the only level without a Dark mission. Shadow has confirmed himself to be mostly a hero, and if you reach that point, the “evilest” ending for you is the Semi-Hero Dark ending, the one where Shadow vows to protect the ARK. You can’t really do evil deeds by that point: at worst you make sure the Professor is okay and you don’t help Vector finding the computer room.

- On the other side of the spectrum, The ARK is the only level without a Hero mission, for similar reasons. I’m going to elaborate more on the Pure Dark paths later, but if you reach this point, it’s too late to truly redeem yourself - at best, you can reach the Semi-Dark Hero ending by turning neutral, not helping Black Doom further but not really doing anything to stop him either (you don’t even fight him after the Black Comet Hero mission - he has no need to, you’ve helped him enough), and Shadow simply comes to a standstill declaring that no one can tell him what to do.

- The Pure Dark paths (both Punishment, Thy Name is Ruin and Prologue to World Conquest) are the most consistenly and competently written of all 326, to the point I’m sure it was just a happy accident, and the sequence of cutscenes clearly puts Shadow’s corruption on display.

Shadow’s descent into madness starts when he attacks the G.U.N. troops who, at that point, aren’t even targeting him, either because he genuinely trusts Black Doom or because he had just finished to flash back to the day one of them killed a friend of his, and he is still enraged.

His second test comes in Digital Circuit: does he help his best friend Rouge, or Black Doom again? Yep, Shadow’s desire to harm humans trumps his relationship with Rouge.

In Cryptic Castle, he helps Eggman by putting up the defenses against the Black Arms (a subtle way to regain control?), but the doctor ends up attacking him regardless, likely proving, in Shadow’s confused mind, that Black Doom is his only ally and he can’t trust anyone else.

Then Shadow reaches Central City, where you can start to see him absorbing Black Doom’s insane ramblings about how awful of a species humankind is: Shadow is just... sitting there, with murder in his eyes, agreeing with every word and ready to destroy a city with his bare hands.

Then he’s sent to the ARK, and you can see from his face that his thirst for destruction hasn’t been quenched yet - now he’s willing to defile his old home to activate the Eclipse Cannon and erase Central City from the face of the Earth.

By the time he has infiltrated the G.U.N. Fortress, his mind is at peace: he has accepted he is a weapon of destruction (or that “he was made to bring order and justice to the humans” in the English translation, which is... unsettling). Now, you would expect him to either join Black Doom or become a hero at the very last second depending on the mission you choose, right?

No. The Pure Dark endings are much worse than that.

If he keeps helping Black Doom in crushing the G.U.N.’s defenses, he’ll decide to straight up destroy the world, ignoring the fact that Black Doom needs humanity to live in order to feed on them - “humans do not deserve to live”, “they’ll pay for what they’ve done”, he says. If, on the other hand, he decides to help Rouge at the very last second... he’s still insane and full of hatred. He didn’t do it because Rouge managed to redeem him, he just realizes he has no use for Black Doom and decides to conquer the world for himself, and who knows what kind of dictator he’ll become. Remember, the ending where Shadow accepts to serve Black Doom is the Semi-Dark Dark one. On the Pure Dark paths, Black Doom manages to corrupt Shadow so much that his pure misantrophy surpasses his own. His plan has gone horribly right, and no one wins: Sonic and G.U.N. have failed, Black Doom has lost his chance to turn humanity into cattle, and Shadow is too far gone.

(another set of paths that are also chillingly consistent are Revenge at Last and Ego’s Awakening: Shadow goes neutral on Cryptic Castle, helping nor Eggman with his defenses nor Amy who just wants to find her friend, and exterminates all G.U.N. soldiers on the ARK to protect Maria. This still sends him to The ARK level, full of contempt for the humans after reliving such a painful memory)

- These posts about certain tracks (plus the Music section of this one) explain well why I feel half of ShTH’s OST is simply genius. I see many people gushing about G.U.N. Fortress and Lost Impact (as they deserve), but no one seems to appreciate The Doom - read what I’ve written above, and picture it with this soft music. Another detail that I really like is The ARK’s theme (a level that you can only reach by being pure evil and gives you no possibility of fully redeeming yourself, where you can use the Eclipse Cannon to destroy a city) is a remix of Final Rush’s theme (Sonic’s last level in Adventure 2, where the hero has to stop the Eclipse Cannon from firing). Talk about an ironic echo.

- and to complete my gushing about The Doom, which is a great stage in all but actual gameplay, this nifty detail noticed by @dizzydennis. If you want proof Black Doom is genuinely corrupting Shadow’s mind, here’s him inserting himself into his memories in a rare moment of good cinematography.

#sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #shth #i don't know why i'm so into shth lately #i guess i'm just angry it had many interesting ideas

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chromatic-lamina · 4 years

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law’s understated humour

I know there’s a strong argument that Law seems to have lost all sense of humour post-time skip, but I think it’s still evident, even if it’s not as showy. Actually, the way he rearranged the marines in Punk Hazard and his casual acceptance of using Franky’s fart power for getting them out of the cage on the same island are pretty amusing to me. And the former definitely incorporates Greatest Show on Earth elements.

In the anime (and I’m sure the manga), Law’s easy acceptance is indicated by nan de mo ii, which I’d translate as anything will do, or anything’s fine. The anime and one google translate version is ‘whatever’. That can work. Slightly more tetchy. Fits in with Law’s personality. Anyway, Followed up with bickering:

Not to mention how Law attached Baby 5 and Buffalo to Doflamingo’s own ship’s life raft, though that’s more Ringling Brothers, Bailey and Barnum freakshow than subtle. So Punk Hazard is a flash and clown and gore show.

During Dressrosa and after, Law’s humour is usually at Usopp’s expense, but I just love these panels below from the bridge on the way to Green Bit.

Law and Robin are my brotp forever. They’re so good. And Usopp and Caesar have plenty of parallels, which is also funny. They both have a point, of course. A Fighting Fish looking like the below:

A huge cow, bull, scaly, fish, demon-looking thing. Even Robin’s a little taken aback (she keeps her cool in a lot of situations, so I see her strength in post time-skip too, though I’ve read a lot of posts where people think her strength seems depleted).

Law unapologetically casts all responsibility for getting them out of this situation Usopp’s way, and Law’s pointing game is again on point. And lack of using people’s names.

Ha, lots of trust, and Law has his own form of machismo, but I like that he doesn’t waste energy when he knows that wasting energy really would put them all in danger. Also, trust in the Straw Hats is evident, even if they frustrate him.

Usopp attacked the fighting fish as well, even though that’s a Robin panel above. I never know if Law’s usage of God (ya) later to refer to Usopp (rather than long-nose or sniper) is sarky or not—but I love this interchange below from chapter 802.

Praise him and then shoot him down. Ah. It doesn’t seem terribly pointed or mean either. But yeah, a darker humour for sure. Robin really is Law’s wingman (and vice versa) in (possibly unwittingly) screwing with people (Usopp).

Not to mention trolling Luffy in Wano, BUT it’s true, Law’s blood pressure certainly has gone up since he arrived on the scene. I’m gonna have to put in the whole 2 pages from chapter 919, sorry. Zoro seemed to be in on this in earlier pages as well. This is wandering into slapstick again.

Bepo was also in the forest having tummy troubles...we know that One Piece is not short on the toilet humour. And yeah, maybe Law can’t tell Luffy as part of a doctor’s oath. Can imagine him using it as excuse to rag on him.

Not often Luffy gets to wear that face. 😆

Also, as I’ve posted a few times, Law’s lack of regard for his passengers when he transports them via Shambles, including landing on them. I know there’s more angry-and frustrated-face Law panels than otherwise since the time skip, but I don’t think he’s totally Mister Moribund. I don’t view him that way. Always gotta remember that it’s Luffy’s story too, so everyone else is a foil to the main character, basically.

Maybe Law is someone who can’t read the room and doesn’t know how to interact with others—and yeah—there’s part of that, but I also think he doesn’t give a fuck at a certain level (he knows who his friends are), appreciates and utilises a sense of the absurd (his words on the ‘two idiot’ captains rushing into Onigashima, his acceptance of Bepo’s map, moustache disguise—though a lot of that is Oda’s humour, obviously), and I also think there’s evidence that Law has fun stirring things up in his own ways.

#one piece #one piece meta #opmeta #op meta #trafalgar law #nico robin #usopp #low key lawbin #my writing #my stuff #chromalami #remember the bodyswaps #long post #lawbin

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qianoir · 3 years

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After Midnight 1 - On Melancholy Hill

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: college dropout!Ten (WayV) x fem!reader

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: non-idol au, angst with fluff on top

𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: 13+

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: cursing (censored), lying, family problems, mentions death of reader's father, romance

♡ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1k

Preview < 1 < 2

7:00 PM

A fresh, black apron is thrown overhead the moment you enter Décalcomanie, your mom’s café, feet barely stabilizing shaky legs walking to the back room after a long day of dance class that you refer to as organic chemistry when your mother is present.

“Why are you so shaky?”

“I dissected a cadaver in ana-physio today and it kinda freaked me out..”

“Ah! My daughter is doing so well in school, you’re going to become the top doctor in Korea! I can’t wait to brag to all of my friends at Bible study this week.”

She glides past you with a smile and you have to fight the urge to eye roll in front of her cherished customers.

“Thank you for always working so hard for me. You make me so proud.” Her warm embrace taunts your second facade and a fake smile is placed onto the facade before her.

“Be safe when closing and text me when you get home!” And she leaves in her mid-40s to have the Friday night that the girl in her early 20s should be having instead. Unfortunately, hiding your academic identity from your mother forces the rejection of friendships with the possibility of your true major in dance getting back to her.

The longing feeling for friends presses solemnly at your gut as the elder customers exit the café and young adult students and lovesick couples flood in asking for more sugar than is provided in the ajummah favorite black tea. Every run to each table is accompanied by the slow setting sun, reassuring me of the calm night about to come.

An hour passed, not many people came in this late, except for the insomniacs and sorority girls, but they seemed to be either finally sleeping or out partying tonight.

It was now 11:55 PM and no one else had come into the shop for the past 2 hours, but the café was open until 1 AM. At least time is money, you thought, the time being spent leaning over the counter watching Mystic Pop-up Bar on your phone, obviously very fitting for such a night. That was, until the faint ring of the bell above the front door.

You look up and see the petite Chinese kid that always comes in at 12 AM, sharp. He rarely ever talks as you two are the only ones ever in the shop at this hour, but he is not a bother. To you, he seems like a chill person. The boy always leaves a napkin with some song lyrics scribbled on it, a different song each time. They always find way into the pocket of your apron after he leaves, searching for and listening to whatever song to which the lyrics belong when you get home before throwing the cloth out. He has good taste and you often wonder if they are left behind purposely.

The boy sat down at the table in the very back corner by a large window at the front of the café, as always, separate from the other customers who adored sitting at the pretty tables prior to his arrival. He looked up at the sound of footsteps coming to take his order, greeting you with a dashing smile as always again. His craving was spoken in a soft voice, neither a Chinese nor Korean accent present in his voice.

You turned back to whip up his request. One personal strawberry chantilly cake without the strawberries. Easy.

Plating the cute cake, you looked over at him. He was hunched over a storybook-looking journal writing an artwork of Chinese characters with a brush pen, filling you with the usual curiosity about for what reason he was learning Chinese when he was of the language’s origin himself. In the midst of admiring his hard-working strokes, your finger nearly sliced from the lack of attention, and the cake knife was immediately dropped on instinct.

The noise had the boy's eyes suddenly on you again. "Are you okay?" Words stumbled over your lips as you blushed in embarrassment.

"Yes, just got a little distracted.." you honestly assured him. He let out a small giggle then continued with his writing. You blew out a sad puff of air that had been unsettling your ribcage.

You placed the plated cake slice onto a tray and walked over to the boy, gently setting the cream dessert on his table with some napkins, careful not to touch his notebook. "Thank you very much." He says with another contagious smile before you scurry off back behind the bar, continuing the drama episode prior to the regular nightwalker’s arrival. You glanced up and saw the man nibbling on the cake- which was already almost completely finished.

"Is there anything else you would like, sir?"

"I don’t suppose you know Chinese, do you?" The boy laughed to himself, seemingly desperate to have anyone teach him at this point.

"Oh! I’m taking Mandarin at university, actually. I may be of service."

The boy's eyes widened. "I'm sorry! I didn't expect a real answer.. I don't mean to bother you.. but could you please help me understand the meaning of this?"

Peering down at the paper he showed you:

我们不曲终没有人散

夜未央心还澎湃

今晚没有人要醒过来

(Until our song ends, no one’s leaving. The night is not yet over, hearts are still surging. No one wants to wake up tonight.)

Wow that is some deep sh!t.

You translated the literal meaning of the words since you did not know exactly how they mean in a poetic sense. He understood and thanked you for the help.

It was nearing 1 AM and you went to clean up the café before the closing hour. The boy stayed a while more, writing calligraphic characters on his paper and doodling on napkins. He eventually left at midnight’s 50 minute mark.

When you got around to cleaning his table, sure enough, there was a napkin with lyrics forming a neat stanza. This time, the lyrics were in Chinese. And was that.. his number!?

Moonlight shines at midnight. Heartbeats start to rise. Creating a fluttering surprise. The midnight rhythm arrives. We do not know burnout. Bodies feeling like they’re flying. Touch me when the sun goes down.. Touch me after midnight..

(xxx) xxx-xxxx

ten lee

To be continued...

After Midnight by WayV

𝘲𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘳

#wayv #ten #ten x reader #x reader #wayv fluff #wayv angst #wayv imagines #nct fluff #nct angst #nct imagines #qianoir

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calzona-ga · 3 years

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SPOILER ALERT: The story includes details about the April 1 episode of Grey’s Anatomy.

After a string of intense and heavy episodes marked by tragedy, including the deaths of DeLuca as well as Bailey’s mom, Grey’s Anatomy delivered a hopeful one-hour tonight. The biggest development came at the very end, when Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) was taken off the ventilator and was able to breathe on her own. She was “helped” by two old friends who tragically died nine years ago, her sister Lexie Grey (Chyler Leigh) and Mark Sloan (Eric Dane) who visited her on the beach and made the case why she needed to fight to live.

While Leigh’s return was revealed in the promo at the end of last episode, Dane’s appearance was kept a surprise as his Mark joined Meredith and Lexie on the beach. As the trio chatted, Mark shared that he talks to his daughter Sofia, as well as her moms, Callie and Arizona, all the time. Mark and Lexie also showed a lot of affection towards each other, and when Meredith asked if the two were still together, Mark said, “On your beach it looks like we are.”

While Meredith kept saying how much she loves it on the beach, Lexie and Mark talked about what they miss about being alive and urged her to choose life. “Don’t waste one single minute,” Mark said in their final conversation before Meredith was taken out of the coma, possibly ending the season-long beach motif, conceived by showrunner Krista Vernoff, which also featured visits from Patrick Dempsey’s Derek Shepherd and T.R. Knight’s George O’Malley.

Elsewhere in the episode, there were positive developments all-around. The two main medical cases had happy endings, including one where the doctors at Grey Sloan Memorial faced a Sophie’s Choice situation with one ventilator left and a mother and her daughter both in desperate need to be intubated. Teddy was on the mend, Owen and Koracick almost reconciled. And, along with Meredith’s successful reentry after she was taken off the machine, Winston proposes to Maggie at the end of the episode, and she said yes.

In an interview with Deadline, Dane spoke about how his Grey’s return came about. He took us behind the scenes of filming the beach scenes with Pompeo and Leigh, shared his take on Mark and Lexie’s relationship status and the duo’s pivotal role in giving Meredith strength to cling onto life when she is taken off the ventilator. He also discussed the remarkable longevity of Grey’s Anatomy and his return to production on his current series, HBO’s Euphoria.

DEADLINE: When and how did you get approached about returning to Grey’s Anatomy?

DANE: I was in Shanghai, filming a movie, a Chinese production for that market, a historical piece, and Krista reached out to me and said, hey, I’d like to talk to you about something, let me know when you have some time. I said well, I’m in Shanghai, China right now, let’s talk right when I get back. I don’t remember the timeline, I know I was in Shanghai in August. She explained to me what was happening in the story, and she said, we want to put Mark Sloan on the beach with Lexie Grey.

DEADLINE: What was your reaction? Did you like the idea?

DANE: Yeah, I thought it was a great idea. I thought it made sense, considering the circumstances.

DEADLINE: What do you mean?

DANE: I mean, if you’re ever going to bring Mark Sloan back, I guess with Meredith in a coma, it’s a good way for her to see him. So, it wasn’t a tough sell, and it made sense.

DEADLINE: Tell me about the filming of your scenes. You got to spend time with Ellen and Chyler, the crew. How was it going back into character, revisiting your past and reuniting with old friends?

DANE: It was like I’d never left. It was a great day at the beach. It was great to see some of the familiar faces and same crew members, and we didn’t skip a beat. I love those people. I spent a significant portion of my life with those people, I’d do just about anything for them.

DEADLINE: What did you, Ellen and Chyler chat about in-between takes?

DANE: Masks, Covid. I hadn’t seen Chyler in a while, but Ellen I stay in contact with, and just, how are the kids? Kids are good. Small talk. There wasn’t a lot of time in-between takes because of the protocols and how we had to set it up. So, once we got going, it was almost like a runaway train.

DEADLINE: And it was easy to go back into character?

DANE: Yeah. I mean, look, I created Mark Sloan. It was not that difficult for me to get back into character.

DEADLINE: What did you think about Mark and Lexie playing such an important role in giving Meredith a will to live and a reason to fight as she soon thereafter started to breathe on her own?

DANE: Well, Mark Sloan and Lexie Grey are embedded in the DNA of that show, and also literally, Lexie and Meredith share the same DNA. So, I think there’s a connectivity there and reminding her that, gone but not forgotten, we’re always around if you need us, and it’s too early for you to stay on the beach.

DEADLINE: And there was something comforting, I’m sure, in you reassuring fans that Mark is OK…

DANE: Sure. Absolutely. You see that everybody’s okay and happy; it allows you to want to come back for something.

DEADLINE: .. And that Mark also is watching over his daughter.

DANE: Yeah, whether she’s listening to me or not. You always have somebody looking over you. I lost my father at a very early age, and I feel like he’s watching over me in some capacity.

DEADLINE: When Meredith asked whether Mark and Lexie were together, you said “On your beach, we are”. What do you make of that, does it mean that they’re happily together in our imagination?

DANE: I didn’t dig too deep into that. I sort of took it as like, not in your imagination but the way you’re seeing it in your subconsciousness, wherever you are right now, whatever state of being you’re existing in this coma, fever dream, whatever it is, I guess that’s (Meredith’s) projection of perfection. Mark and Lexie are together forever, and I’m sure Mark and Lexie aren’t too bummed about it either.

DEADLINE: What is your vision of Mark and Lexie, how you think that their story continues in the afterlife?

DANE: Mark would’ve found Lexie. He would’ve found her eventually.

DEADLINE: Since you left Grey’s Anatomy, you did one successful series, The Last Ship, which ran for five seasons, and now you are on a second successful series, Euphoria. Meanwhile, Grey’s Anatomy is still going. How do explain the longevity of that show which continues to be going strong 17 seasons in?

DANE: Well, I think there’s a lot of factors but at its core it’s just a great show. People connect with the characters on that show. It seemed to have found a whole new generation of viewership. Shows typically will grow up with a generation, an audience, and eventually that audience will either outgrow that show or move onto something else. But with Grey’s, there’s always been an alchemy in that cast, a dynamic, a chemistry which keeps people showing up. The writing’s good. Krista, Shonda (Rhimes), Betsy (Beers) and now Debbie Allen’s exec producing the show. They’re so good at understanding the tone of that show and finding characters that people will invest in, and what that translates to is season 17.

DEADLINE: Is there anything you miss about Grey’s?

DANE: Well, I’ve maintained contact with a lot of the cast members. An answer somebody would give you, had they not, would’ve been I missed the people, but I’m still friends with all of them. So, there wasn’t really anything to miss.

DEADLINE: Are you going back into production on Euphoria soon?

DANE: In mid-April. We’re actually started now on Season 2. I think I don’t start shooting for a couple weeks, but we are. I’m sure we’re going to get this out as soon as we can. We’ve set a pretty high bar. I’m very proud of that show, everybody involved is very proud of that show.

#grey's anatomy #17x10 #eric dane #Mark Sloan #lexie grey #Chyler Leigh #deadline #Meredith Grey #Ellen Pompeo

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holden-norgorov · 3 years

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Everything we know about Amalia True so far

Spoilers of the first 4 episodes of The Nevers under the cut.

On August 3rd, 1896 she attempted to commit suicide by drowning herself and was Touched right after. It's still unclear whether she actually succeeded at it, with the Touch transferring an alien consciousness inside her lifeless body and completely taking over her, or whether the Touch awakened also her previous consciousness back to life and her body is now hosting two different sentient beings.

She seems to always be sleeping on the floor, in the same exact spot and position.

Her known Turn is Ripplings, which grant her the ability to see glimpses into the future. We know not every Rippling she experiences actually comes true (e.g. Maladie assaulting her on the balcony of the theatre in E01) and that her Turn seems to be connected to a sort of hand tic whose actual purpose is still unclear (it may vary from being just a way for the character to handle anxiety/PTSD, or to stay in touch with the present while seeing the future, to being a way through which she can actually control when to have Ripplings or even what to see). It's also still quite unclear whether she can prevent her Ripplings from coming true at all (in E04, she decides not to bring Desiree to Massen's mansion just because her Rippling showed her she was going there alone, even though bringing Desiree was clearly the smartest thing to do - or at least, that's what the writing wanted us to draw from it).

She knows at least Chinese, Russian and Turkish enough to grasp that Myrtle is speaking those languages.

She is a skilled fighter in hand-to-hand combat and she's also likely an expert on weaponry.

She tells the Beggar King that "this isn't her real face" while he's holding a blade to her cheek.

She can tell Massen has a past in the military just by looking in his eyes.

"Trouble makes her troublesome". It's likely she finds some kind of solace/catharsis in violence because "she knows where she is during a fight", while her PTSD, her Turn and her unique position as someone who was "left behind" with an unclear mission to accomplish probably make her feel constantly stripped of control. ("You think anything here has to do with what I wish?", E03).

She knows Mary is the Voice of the Galan-.

She admits she isn't from "here" and that the city's maps (as they are in the present, at least) are incomprehensible to her.

Before the Touch, she was a baker and had a husband who was a butcher. Her husband died in unmentioned circumstances some time before 1899. It's also hinted at during E02 that her husband might have been abusive or violent towards her (it's clear that she is also thinking about herself while talking to Mundi about Maladie being a victim of abuse and mingling pain with pleasure).

She is referred to by Maladie as "the woman who sheds her skin". Amalia asks if she was talking about her dress at the Opera, and Maladie replies that she is talking about her relationships. It's unclear whether this reference might also contain another meaning (more literal perhaps) that we still ignore.

She is called "Molly" by Maladie. It's still unclear whether Molly is just a short nickname for Amalia that Maladie gave her when they were friends (which would mean that Maladie knows her only as Amalia) or whether Molly is the actual identity she knows her as (maybe her real name from where/when they come from).

She shares a background with Maladie and knows her as "Sarah". She had to do a difficult choice and it's implied that said choice "created Maladie". She also states that her mission apparently doesn't need either herself or Maladie, but needs both Mary and Penance. We know Mary is the Voice of the Galan-, while Penance may be destined to create something important with her Turn (maybe rebuilding the Ship)? Still, Amalia is careful to shoot both herself and Maladie in such a way as to avoid for the wounds to be fatal. This might indicate that she was just gaining time for Mundi to arrive, and that Maladie is also needed for the mission (we'll have to see if Amalia is going to save her from being executed in the next episode).

She shoots herself in a specific spot in order to avoid hitting any vital organ, but as it turns out later she actually fails at doing so. This might support both the theory that she is an alien in a human body (doesn't know human anatomy that much) or that she is a human from the distant future (where evolution has progressed in such a way as to dispose of the vital organ she hit here because it would turn out to become useless for the survival of future generations).

It's suggested that she tells Penance everything about herself and her mission some time between E02 and E03 ("there's lots I'll need explained, but let's just be alive for a while now").

At the beginning of E03, she slaps herself in front of a mirror and seems to be staring at herself as if she's tired of wearing that face, or maybe even disgusted by it.

Horatio explicitly reveals here that Amalia is a soldier, even though we already had several hints that pointed to that in the previous episodes. She replies that she is a killer just like Maladie, which ties to Bonfire Annie saying to Horatio that Amalia and Maladie are actually quite similar in E04.

Amalia mentions being Horatio's "mistake". It's unclear if she's talking about Horatio cheating on his wife with her, or if it's about something deeper. However, we know that Amalia was present when Horatio discovered he was Touched.

She mentions to George that Mary wouldn't recognize any of the songs she knows (because she is not from "here") and later says she has already experience with the device Penance is currently inventing, recognizing it as an "amplifier". This definitely establishes that Amalia's consciousness comes from the future.

She reveals to Mary that right after August 3rd, 1896 she "woke up knowing things that she shouldn't and was declared insane". This suggests the background we know Amalia and Maladie share be from the asylum Maladie was being brought in exactly the day the Ship appeared over London. Later on, we get confirmation of this when Maladie recalls that Horatio was working as a doctor at that asylum while she and Amalia were both kept there. So Amalia, Maladie and Horatio seem to be the only members of the Touched who share an unknown background together that occurred between 1896 and 1899, and Penance is probably the only one currently at the Orphanage who has been provided with indirect knowledge of this.

She reveals that "we don't do [funerals] when I'm from, there's not enough time and there's not enough ground". This seems to imply that in the future most of the currently available land will be buried under the ever-growing levels of sea (while on the other hand population growth is likely going to gradually increase), or might simply suggest people die at enormous rates and there's just no time to mourn. She also makes it clear that she believes she was abandoned here by herself, and even raises the doubt that her original body host in the future might not be female.

It's heavily implied by Massen that she had previously foreseen Mary's death in the park during an unshown Rippling, and her reaction to that accusation seems to confirm that.

She confesses to Lucy that something went wrong during August 3rd, 1896 and that "it wasn't supposed to be like this" and she "just got left behind". This, combined with the conversation she had with Penance earlier, suggests that Amalia ignore the Ship crashed somewhere in London instead of fleeing away, as it was likely planned to do. So, Maladie seems to be the only one who knows about the crashing, which might explain why she also believes to have a mission which is different from Amalia's (as in, Maladie might have held as a mission all along that of finding the remains of the Ship and building it back to escape and carry out the original plan, while Amalia's plan might have nothing to do with escaping and everything to do with training the Touched to accomplish something in this place and time, since she doesn't know the Ship didn't leave her behind but actually crashed).

She discovers she isn't alone in her mission only when presented with the translation of the Voice of the Galan- made it possible thanks to Myrtle. She is referred to as a lonely soldier wearing stripes and is told by an unidentified someone (who was talking through Mary) that she wasn't actually abandoned.

#the nevers #the nevers hbo #amalia true #just a summary to keep my thoughts in order #anyway looking forward to tonight's episode #and tbh also to the next #that should feature Some Revelations

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barricadebops · 3 years

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Miserables Month Day 3: "Language"

Written for the Miserables Month @themiserablesmonth

Her Marius Pontmercy could easily be labeled sometimes as being somewhat an odd fellow.

Do not misunderstand her; for all his oddities, Cosette was still very much in love with him, but it could be quite confusing trying to parce through his rapid speeches and lines, many times only just being able to catch phrases such as "I love you" as Marius Pontmercy rushed on an on about his speech.

At the present, however, she believed her Marius was being unbearably rude. The last night they had seen each other in the garden, he had been coughing a great deal, which certainly would not do. How dare he worry her like so?

That annoyance at his rudeness, however, turned to fear as she awaited his presence in the garden, her Papa and Toussaint having already fallen deep into their sleep on account of the late hours of the night.

Why hadn't he shown up yet? She huffed and adjusted her bonnet, annoyance quickly growing once more. How very inconsiderate to keep her waiting like this! She would be having words with him later on, remind him of how important it was to be on time to receive a lady.

A snap of a twig outside the garden gates caught her attention, and already having recognized the familiar weight of the footsteps, she rushed forwards towards the great gates, and whispered out, "Monsieur, is that you?" When no response came, she crossed her arms and raised her voice just the slightest bit, "Look, monsieur, I am already cross with you, do not aggravate me any further. Honestly, is this any to treat a lady? Making her wait so long?" She turned around and refused to look at him; when no answer came, she turned back, confused. In the gleaming moonlight she could make out the lovely coiffed curls so prominent on Marius, but when she moved forward, the rest of the figure enshrouded by the night's dark jolted, slipping something between the grilled gates, and rushing away.

Curse her foolish lover and the late hour in which they meet. She could not even call out for him, lest she wake her Papa and Toussaint. Instead, she had to huff and watch as Marius Pontmercy hurried away, having avoided her on this night.

Just as she was about to head back into the manor, already planning out exactly what she would be writing in her notebook, the clouds around the moon shifted and spilled a sliver of light over what Cosette could now see was a folded slip of paper. A note.

She remembered, now, her Marius' penchant for sending notes and love letters, and as she unfolded the paper and caught sight of the scrawled lines, she could see that it was indeed the latter:

My dearest Cosette,

Oh that it is my woe that I should be separated from you on this night! I never wish to be parted from you, and yet it seems destiny seems to have other plans for my fate.

As has been the source of your consternation over these last few days, I have taken ill. The cough I had been so hoping would fade to nothing has unfortunately only grown harsher and worse. My friend, Courfeyrac—you don't know him—has taken notice to this, and has expressly forbid that I should journey outside our flat.

He is aware I have been seeing you, and yet he was still unrelenting in nt allowing me come meet when we usually do. He doesn't quite understand the workings of the heart—the most he's had have been quick flings. I beg you do not think of him poorly, however. At heart he is truly a good man.

The only way I was able to sneak out and give you this letter you now hold in your hands was when Courfeyrac had not yet returned from his meeting at the Musain—you won't know of those either. You know, he almost didn't go, was quite willing to stay by my side, but I forced him to go. He musn't miss out on his politics because of me.

My heart aches to be with you, my dearest. It is as they say—love is the best kind of medicine. I beg you hold me in your heart so that your Marius may return to you sooner than what may be too late.

Your beloved,

Marius Pontmercy

Sick? Oh how fretful! So she was justified, then, in her worry about that cough! If only she could have brough him into the manor, she would have had him in bed, at his side, ready should he need anything, and gently scolding his sleeping form for causing her such worry.

She made to fold up the letter and trudge gloomily back to her room, when a few more lines after the signature at the bottom appeared:

Je t'aime.

I love you.

Ich liebe dich

Je t'aime was all fine, and warmed her heart as she still stood, remaining in the garden. But these last two lines confused her—what on earth was this gibberish? Why did Marius believe she would know what it meant?

She hummed to herself as she stole back into the manor quietly so as not to wake Toussaint.

Perhaps her Marius had written it in a state of delirium. It was quite possible. Still, she kept the note safe on her little table.

_________________________________________

The next night was much the same. Cosette waited once more in the garden, a mix of anticipation and worry ebbing within her. If he did not return today, she thought she might faint of devastation—it was quite improper to worry a lady like this!

Again, as she spotted what she thought was Marius' curls, she hurried towards the gates, disappointed as that familiar figure rushed away once more.

She unfolded the note he had dropped with fear.

My dearest Cosette,

It seems as if this illness is a stubborn one. Courfeyrac, the friend I mentioned in my previous letter, brought over one of his friends today; he's training to become a doctor. He declared that it was nothing too serious and that I should be fine, however he was a little concerned with the way I had gone pale and started trembling. I purposefully neglected to inform him the reason for such a thing occurring was likely due more to his visit. I have not had many joyful memories of him from the first time we met.

I shall hope and pray sincerely that we meet tomorrow. I am sure God will grant me this one request. He does have much to make up for to me, anyways.

I beg you continue to think of me as I know you were doing yesterday. I could hear your whispers in the wind, calling for my name.

Your beloved,

Marius Pontmercy

And again, those three lines at the bottom, the last two still remaining a sequence of gibberish:

Je t'aime

I love you

Ich liebe dich

Her heart sunk. Her love was still ill, and so she would have to worry even more. She knew she shouldn't be concerned over whether her Marius was being well taken care of in his sick bed—the way he had spoken of this Courfeyrac made it seek as if he truly was in good hands—but she simply could not help it. She worried for her Marius. Oh curse this rainy season!

_________________________________________

That next night, Marius finally appeared back in her full sight.

The moon cast a glow over his face. His curls seemed a bit greasier, his face perhaps paler, and there were shadows that were rimmed beneath his eyes; all in all, however, Cosette still saw the handsome man who had caught her attention at the Luxembourg Gardens.

"Oh monsieur!" she cried, though in a quiet whisper as best as she could. She ran up to him, stopping short of embracing him and instead cupping her hands to his cheks. "How pale you've turned!" She drew back to glare at him. "It was very rude, you know, to have caught an illness like so; have you any idea the worry you caused me?"

It seemed as if Marius Pontmercy who was in the seventh heaven, could not muster words, only call out "Cosette!" in joy.

She crossed her arms and sat back down on her bench. "No, monsieur, I will not be having this at all! First with your illness worrying me and then your gibberish letters confusing me.".

At this, Marius Pontmercychimself turned confused. "Gibberish?" he repeated. "But I thought they were rather clear?"

Cosette waved a hand in dismissal. "Yes, yes, it was all fine and good, but then you wrote these three lines underneath, and I only know what the first one means." She drew out both the letters she had made sure to bring this time around. "See!"

She pointed to where he had written these lines, I love you and Ich liebe dich. "This is gibberish."

Marius Pontmercy glanced at the paper before softly chuckling. Cosette frowned.

"You only continue your rudeness," she said, annoyed. "I call out this serious problem, and you laugh."

When her Marius finally stops laughing and catches his breath, he further softens his eyes and said, "Cosette, I was telling you I love you."

Cosette raised an eyebrow. Yes, I know what that sounds like, but neither of them match je t'aime.

Marius knelt in front of her and took her hands in his own. A bold move. "That might be because they're in two different languages."

She furrowed her eyebrows. "Different languages?"

"Yes—you remember me telling you I'm a translator? I know English and German, those are the languages on the letters."

Cosette huffed once more and shifted her eyes to just to the right and far off from where Marius Pontmercy would sit. "Well how was I supposed to know this? And why write 'I love you' in three different languages when one is enough?"

Marius Pontmercy rubbed his thumbs on the soft skin of her palm. He tugged gently to bring her attention back to him. "It's because," he whispered softly, "I wanted you to know that in whatever language—French, English, or German—nothing will ever change this constant: that I love you."

Well, alright. Okay. So maybe Marius Pontmercy's thought of gibberish then wasn't so bad.

She smiled to herself. She would be keeping these letters safe. Especially as her Marius said, "In case it wasn't clear enough, however, let me express this in a language you understand," and he lifted the tip of her foot encased within its shoe and pressed his lips gently to it.

#I would like to thank my amazing friend Kali for teaching me how to say 'I love you' in German #les miserables #cosette #cosette fauchelevent #marius #marius pontmercy #marisette #mariusette #TheMiserablesMonth #The Miserables Month #les mis fic #annie writes stories

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cincinnatusvirtue · 3 years

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Romantic Poets in Profile: John Keats (1795-1821)

The first generation of English language Romantic poets stemmed from the late 18th century and is most associated with the names of Blake, Coleridge & Wordsworth. The second generation that followed was born at the tale end of the 18th century and overlapped with the first to varying degrees. This second generation is usually most associated with another trio: Lord Byron, Percy Shelley & John Keats.

While all six of these men are known for their poetic output they are also known for their lives and how they in turned informed their poetry. In the second generation only Lord Byron was a commercial & critical success in his lifetime to a wider audience. Arguably, the celebrity & personality surrounding Byron and the many complex events of his life, notably many scandals are just as well known as the poetry itself. Meanwhile, Shelley’s political and philosophical ideals were much more explicit and in some ways regarded as too ahead of their time and out of place in the era of the Regency in which he wrote. His sometimes scandalous life and indeed the literary acclaim of his wife, author Mary Shelley and her work Frankenstein perhaps also clouded out the reception to his poetry both in his lifetime and later to an extent too. Though both Byron and Shelley’s poetry has gone on to remain influential and highly regarded in subsequent generations, undoubtedly so too did the events of their lives and their political & philosophical ideals. John Keats is perhaps the only one of this trio who’s poetical output was not also obscured by the details of his life. Other than like Byron & Shelley, Keats did see his share of tragedy in life and indeed lived a short life. However, it can probably be contended that Keats unlike his contemporaries is less known for his personality and life and more solely for his poetry and to a degree his ideas on poetry. Yet, it would be a mistake to not say that his life and experiences did not influence his writing...

Early Life:

-John Keats was born on October 31, 1795 to Thomas & Frances Keats, he was the first of four children. His siblings in order included George, Thomas & Fanny.

-He was born in the Moorgate area of London where his father managed an called the Swan & Hoop, where he previously worked in the horse stables next door. Keats was born into a working class humble origin unlike Byron & Shelley who both had aristocratic backgrounds and were heirs to fortunes and titles of nobility.

-John’s parents had hoped to send him to Eton or Harrow like Byron & Shelley but could not afford the cost. Instead he was sent to the boarding school Enfield where he nevertheless was giving a thorough and modern education. Early on he developed an interest like many of contemporaries in the classics such as Greek & Latin & history.

-John was physically quite short in stature at only roughly over 5 feet in height and slender in build but he was said to be physically strong despite his stature and made up for it with a tough demeanor willing to fight any bullies to himself or his brothers. He was also described as having curly reddish-brown hair.

-He was very interested in literature and was almost always seen reading and by age 13 he was quite focused academically. Winning an academic prize in 1809.

-At age 8 (1804) the first of many family tragedies took place when his father fell from his horse after a visit to Enfield wherein Mr. Keats died of a fracture to the skull, depriving the family of a steady source of income.

-Frances Keats remarried shortly there after but left her new spouse and sent her children to live with her parents instead.

-Frances herself died of tuberculosis in 1810 when John was only 14 years old. Leaving all four Keats in the legal guardianship of their maternal grandmother, who likewise appointed two legal guardians in the event of her own passing.

-Keats had decided to enter the medical profession, which in the early 19th century did not just follow a strict course of years of medical school and residency at a hospital with strict licensing. Instead, many future doctors started out at apprentices to others, who served as either traveling or local surgeons & apothecaries. In the autumn of 1810, Keats entered his apprenticeship with Thomas Hammond, the local family doctor. Living with Hammond & his family in the attic above the surgeon’s practice for the next 3-4 years.

Medicine & Poetry

-In 1814, Keats (aged 19) tried some of his early efforts at poetry having never let go of his interest in poetry & literature during his apprenticeship. His early efforts were regarded as imitation and derivative, even in title of his earliest surviving poem “An Imitation of Spenser” named after the poet-author Edmund Spenser.

-1815 saw John admitted to Guy’s Hospital as a medical student, he became a dresser or assistant to surgeons. This sense of dedication and responsibility seemed to be leave the impression to all that he was destined to a life as a doctor which would have likely brought him financial security, something he never really had.

-Finances were always a sensitive issue for Keats who was stubborn in his independence and determined to make his own way in life. His mother had left him £800 for his 21st birthday and had left £8,000 to be divided between her four children upon their reaching the age of maturity (Keats 21st). However, he was never informed by his legal guardian/attorneys about the £800 bequeathment, possibly due to their own lack of information.

-Despite his heavy involvement in medicine, he was increasingly devoted to poetry and writing, which began to conflict with his studies. Nevertheless in 1816 he did receive his apothecaries license, essentially making him a licensed practitioner of medicine to serve as pharmacist, surgeon and physician. By year’s end taking inspiration from other well known poets, namely Lord Byron & Leigh Hunt, John decided instead to devote his life and earnings to poetry rather than medicine.

-In 1816, Keats got his sonnet “O Solitude” published in the Examiner, a liberal leaning weekly paper-magazine publication that was well known throughout Britain for its radical politics and featured modern artists including poets, it was published by Leigh Hunt, himself a poet and radical intellectual. Also a friend of both Lord Byron & Percy Shelley.

-October 1816 through a mutual friend, Hunt met Keats for the first time. Under Leigh’s influence Keats met with radical artists and intellectuals of the day, though Keats wasn’t especially political in his writing. Within month of meeting Hunt, his first volume of poems, called simply “Poems” was released to no commercial success and little critical notice aside from a favorable review in the publication, The Champion.

-Keats managed to switch his original publishers to a new set of publishers who’s past clients included Samuel Coleridge. His new publishers were very enthusiastic about his poems and paid him an advance for a second volume.

-Meanwhile, Leigh Hunt published an article on Keats & Shelley to derive attention to their poetry while also publishing “On First Looking into Chapman’s Homer.” The sonnet which marvels at Chapman’s translations of the Greek author and bard Homer, struck a chord with many in the literary world and while he wasn’t a commercial success, many new literary friends and acquaintances came into Keats’ social circle. They were impressed with his talents and felt in time he had more untapped potential.

-1817 saw Keats leave London having faced too many ailments in the cramped quarters near the medical school as he had at one point intended to return to medicine and join the Royal College of Surgeons but nevertheless his poetic ambitions won him over.

-John moved in with his brothers to the nearby village of Hampstead where his brother Tom had now like their mother started to suffer tuberculosis. John & George tried their best to help their brother but in the days before antibiotics and vaccines were known and developed, tuberculosis was essentially a death sentence, sometimes fast acting or as in Tom’s case long and drawn out. Which combined with his poor finances depressed Keats (who was prone to depression his entire life).

-Hampstead nevertheless allowed Keats to be in a more rural setting more congenial to his writing and close his friends like Leigh Hunt and others in their literary circle. Also Samuel Coleridge, the first generation Romantic poet who on at least one occasion walked with Keats through the woods talking by Keats’ own account on everything from poetry to metaphysics.

A Walking Tour of the British Isles:

-In June 1818, the Keats brothers went their separate ways, Tom remained infirm due to his illness and in the care of others at Hampstead. While John & George departed themselves. John travelled with his friend Charles Armitage Brown intending to take a walking tour of the north of Britain, so as to acquire some poetic inspiration and alleviate his depression. The tour would take Keats & Brown to the famed and picturesque Lake District of Northwest England’s Cumbria region, along with a tour of Scotland & Ireland. To save on travel expenses, they’d walk everywhere except where boat ferries were needed. George Keats and his new wife Georgina accompanied John & Charles part of the way. They was bound to emigrate for America where ultimately they would remain but perish poor and suffering from tuberculosis. George said what would be his farewell to John in Lancaster, England. Seeing each other only once more briefly in 1820.

-Keats & Brown made for the Lake District in Cumbria where famed first generation Romantic poet, William Wordsworth was living. He attempted to meet with Wordsworth at his home in the area but no one was home at the time. The two poets had met in 1817 on a number of occasions.

-Keats wrote a series of letters to his siblings almost daily, serving as a diary and practice place for his new found poetry. In it he described not only the natural scenery of mountains, lake, rivers and glens but of the habits and appearance of the people of Northern England, Scotland & Ireland. Which to 19th century Londoners was almost as foreign as far flung parts of the European continent.

-Keats visited the grave and cottage of Scottish lyricist Robert Burns, he also visited Northern Ireland in the vicinity of Belfast along with the Scottish Highlands and several of the Scottish islands. Keats also made observations of the extreme poverty the average Scots & Irish rural families faced at the time, with most children walking barefoot and that to keep warm meant burning bog peat in smoky huts with no outlets but the one doorway into the home. The poverty shocked Keats sensibilities but the walking tour was pivotal in giving Keats new perspectives & indeed inspiration.

Return to Hampstead, Wentworth Place & Fanny Brawne:

-Keats and Brown returned to Hampstead in August of 1818, after two months of a walking tour. He returned to caring for Tom whose condition worsened and would eventually pass away from his prolonged illness on December 1st, depressing Keats greatly. Its possible during his caring for Tom that Keats contracted the disease himself which he began to refer to as a “family disease” having previously taken his mother.

-Following Tom’s death and George’s moving to America, John found himself alone with the English winter oncoming. He moved into Charles Brown’s newly owned Wentworth Place, a house about ten minutes from his old lodgings in Hampstead. It was here that Keats in the spring of 1819 would write a handful of his greatest known poems, his Odes on which his legacy largely rests to this day. Including Odes to a Nightingale, Melancholy & Grecian Urn.

-Meanwhile, the publication of his second volume of poetry, the classically influenced Endymion, was also negatively received by the literary critics, many of whom opposed Keats for his association with Leigh Hunt and the radical politics he espoused.

-1819 also produced some of his other posthumously best known works: Lamia, The Eve of St. Agnes, Hyperion, La Belle Dame Sans Merci. His publishers were lukewarm to the poems but did agree to publish them in 1820 the third and final collections of poems released in his lifetime under the title-Lamia, Isabella, The Eve of St. Agnes & Other Poems.

-Previously in 1817, he had met an Isabella Jones who appears to have been an early long term flirtation with Keats and likely was one whom inspired much of his poetry that was noted for its sensual language. In letters to his brother George and from glancing remarks from others, it appears likely Keats had his first and possibly only sexual relationship with Jones though the two seemed to never commit to an actual full blown romantic relationship. Their trysts continued until early 1819.

-By autumn 1818 Keats would be meet the great love of his life, Fanny Brawne. Fanny was an 18 daughter of a widow who was friends with Keats neighbors at Wentworth Place. By 1819 the Brawnes had moved next door and John saw Fanny daily. Evidently the two had much in common, including having grandparents who owned inns, family loss due to tuberculosis and interest in literature and theater.

-John gave books to Fanny to read and in time the two were almost inseparable. They appear by summer 1819 to have been informally engaged to marry, “engaged to be engaged” as is sometimes described. Nevertheless, despite his new romance and his productive and more mature poetry two things continued to put limitations on Keats as they always had. The first was finances or lack there of. Keats got his publishing advances but also had to borrow money and was often generous in loaning great sums to others making him indebted. He also had no critical or commercial breakthrough as a poet yet either. He did not want to marry Fanny until he made something of himself financially.

-The second trouble was the ever present danger of exposure to tuberculosis. The realization that Keats was fatally afflicted with the same disease that killed his mother, younger brothers & sister in law occurred in early 1820. Upon hemorrhaging blood in coughing fits, Keats was aware his death was approaching.

-He wrote hundreds of letters and messages to Fanny and professed what amounted to great anguish over loving her and the realization that his poverty and now fatal affliction would prevent their marriage from ever taking place.

Exile to Italy and Death:

-The treatment for tuberculosis patients in the early 19th century usually to ease though not cure the symptoms was to send the patient to warmer climates to ease the burden on the lungs and English winters with cold and damp conditions in confined spaces was usually regarded as too harsh on a patient in Keats state.

-In September 1820 on the recommendations of his doctors, Keats left England and Fanny behind forever, ship bound for Italy with the final destination being Rome.

-Percy Shelley, now living in self-imposed exile in Italy to evade creditors to whom he was indebted back in England along with the goal of establishing his own radical magazine publication jointly with Leigh Hunt & Lord Byron heard of Keats illness and wrote to him with the offer of having him stay with the Shelleys in Pisa & Florence Italy where they were staying. Keats, who had previously met Shelley in England through Hunt years before declined the offer. Shelley was a proponent and fan of Keats work but offered unsolicited advice to Keats on how to improve his poetry in time. Keats found this patronizing and ever stubborn about making his own way refused Shelley’s help, albeit politely and under the guise of not wanting to burden’s Shelley’s family which had suffered numerous deaths of Percy and Mary’s children (of which only one would survive to adulthood)

-Shelley also wrote to Byron about Keats but Keats & Byron whom never met had a more distanced relationship. Byron thought Shelley was too high praising of Keats abilities and in turn Keats felt that their differences were really creative stating: “You speak of Lord Byron and me – There is this great difference between us. He describes what he sees – I describe what I imagine – Mine is the hardest task.”

-Keats’ friends helped contribute financially for his trip and to accompany him was his friend the artist Joseph Severn. Their journey to Italy was plagued by storms and then followed up with a ten day on ship quarantine while docked in Naples due to a cholera outbreak in Britain. From Naples, they travelled overland to Rome arriving in November two months after they left England.

-Keats & Severn settled into a villa next to he famed Spanish Steps in Rome, at first he took daily carriage rides but his bad health caused this to cease. he was cared for by Severn & an English doctor by the name of Clark. Fearing he might commit suicide by being given opium tinctures in laudanum, he was denied any real painkiller leaving him in agonizing coughing fits. Additionally, Clark followed the normal course of recommended treatment in those days including reducing his diet and bleeding the patient with lancets & leeches. This probably weakened an already sick Keats.

-1821 came around and so Keats linger in agony, often to the point of tears as described by Severn, mostly due to the prolonged suffering and wishing to end his ordeal.

-Finally, Keats succumbed to the disease and died in his rented Roman villa on February 23, 1821. He was 25 years old.

-Severn had him buried in Rome’s Protestant Cemetery with a tombstone arranged by Severn & Charles Brown. To this day it is a common place for tourists to visit.

-Percy Shelley & Leigh Hunt claimed that Keats died due to his sensitive nature from reading a bad review of his poetry which in turn burst a blood vessel. Byron while not personally subscribing to that theory did make a sarcastic quip in reference to it in his latest narrative poem, Don Juan. Shelley meanwhile had immortalized Keats in his poetic tribute, Adonais.

-1822 saw Shelley, Byron, Leigh Hunt and others stationed near Livorno, Italy to finally piece together Shelley’s long awaited radical publication which attacked the politics of monarchy in England, an offense that in the 19th century could land one in prison. All three men had liberal or radical leanings and were also supportive of Italian nationalism rising up against the Austrian Empire & Papacy which ruled over much of Italy at the time which existed as multiple kingdoms and occupied territory than one state. For their politics and to avoid press coverage in England over personal scandals especially on Byron’s case, the three had exiled themselves to Continental Europe.

-However, in July 1822, just shy of his 30th birthday, Shelley while boating with another friend was caught in a storm at sea. Having never learned to swim, Shelley drowned and washed ashore days later. He was unrecognizable due to crabs eating his face but for a copy of a Keats’ poem Lamia kept in the pocket of his pants which he was known to have had on his person at the time of his boating excursion. In a dramatic scene on an Italian beach, Shelley’s body was cremated with Byron in attendance. His heart however was calcified and not reduced to ashes, instead Mary Shelley supposedly kept this as a keepsake and had it stored in a cabinet at her home in England until her own death where his heart was supposedly buried with her when she died decades later. Shelley’s ashes however were like Keats buried in the Protestant Cemetery in Rome, next to his son’s grave. Both poets graves are widely visited and the villa Keats died in is now the Keats-Shelley museum dedicated to both men with memorabilia contained therein, including Keats’ death bed.

-With Shelley’s death, the project for a radical publication died away. Byron tired of life in Italy after several years decided to join the Greek War of Independence then underway in revolt against centuries of Ottoman Turkish rule. Byron had hoped to use his celebrity and wealth to help finance Greek rebels and possibly be given command of troops despite no real military experience. Byron arrived in Greece in summer 1823 to find the rebels poorly organized and facing in-fighting. His next several months was coordinating the donation of loans to provide supplies and uniforms but he tried to avoid alienating different Greek factions. In April 1824, having contracted a fever and weakened like Keats with bleeding treatment via lancets and leeches and from this weakness he died of complications to his fever. He was age 36. His remains were embalmed and except for his heart were buried in England.

-Thus ended the second generation of English Romantic poets, all dead within three years of each other and none older than their mid-thirties.

-All three men are routinely taught at school and cited by subsequent generations of poets and writer as influences. Though often Byron and Shelley will be regarded for the quality of their work, their work is sometimes overshadowed by their tumultuous personalities, political outlooks and the many scandals that colored their lives. John Keats, relative to the other two major poets of his generation is generally only regarded for his work and his Odes in particular are regarded as among the finest examples of English language poetry in history, fulfilling his dream to be regarded as one of the great poets of the language, albeit posthumously...

#john keats #romantic poetry #romanticism #19th century #england #italy #fanny brawne #percy bysshe shelley #lord byron #mary shelley #leigh hunt #english language #poetry #1800s

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topherfoxtrot · 2 years

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Wake up honey new Wyatt content just dropped :D

The podcast is messy, but in a good way. Ivan, our protagonist, is not mentally okay and it fucking shows lmao.

This first episode was good overall. Tbh the part with Eli and Ivan doing the tour was kinda of whatever but only because I've seen this same formula being repeated so many times in books, movies, tv shows and everywhere really. But hey it's the pilot so that kind of scene is expected. We need to know the setting and mood and whatnot of what we are getting ourselves into, after all.

The highlight of the episode in my opinion was doc Bell. Between electroshock treatment, the creepy music and the "tank", I can safely say I don't trust her. But as far as I'm concerned I don't trust Ivan either so there's that. Even so I think there's more to Bell's character than just a plain evil doctor.

I think everyone is telling the truth but we don't see the whole picture yet (and neither do they). It's a Schrodinger type situation. Everyone is right until the correct answer is revealed. Is Ivan a secret agent? Yes. Is he insane? Yes! Does doc Bell work for "them"? Possibly. Was Odessa kidnapped? At some point. You get the idea.

We have an expression for that here in Brasil. It goes "o buraco é mais embaixo" which translates to "the hole goes deeper". It means there's more to it than what we might expect on a first glance.

Can I have some predictions?

1. I believe we will have some more voices in the future. Up to this point Ivan seems to have two voices inside his head: the inner monologue/narrator (who often breaks the fourth wall and is actually kinda dumb) and the roommate (or Lark) who insists is not a figment of Ivan's imagination.

Maybe one of the voices is in fact a secret agent that for some reason got buried in Ivan's mind. Also if more voices get introduced one of them will be the bearer of all the memories Ivan repressed and they'll do an exposition dump in the end like in a Agatha Christie novel.

2. Ivan will willingly enter the tank at some point, and the staff will try to stop him with no success. Not gonna lie as someone who has had LSD before the tank seems like a lot of fun. But going in there without consent was scary as fuck. Entering your own subconscious against your will feels invasive and violent. So Ivan doing it on his own and against orders will be a nice little character arc.

I liked the pilot a lot. It grew on me as it went. I like the vibe and I think the sound effects will go off it's rails way more in the future. I'm expecting the show to go really psychedelic as Ivan's insanity (and desperation) grows deeper.

And as a last sidenote it was really nice to hear Wyatt's voice again. I missed my para social best friend y'know what I'm saying. Anyways my ask is open if you wanna share your thoughts. See y'all next episode.

#Wyatt Russell #classified podcast

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zeldasayer · 4 years

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I transcribed and translated Pedro’s interview from GQ Germany for all of us. I tried translating as good as possible but bear with me, English is not my mother tongue. By @sixties-loser

Pedro Pascal, the star from “Game of Thrones”, “Wonder Woman” and “The Mandalorian” talks about becoming an adult, film, fashion, corona – and a painful surgery in the exclusive GQ interview.

It seems almost eerie how empty the streets of LA are in the sunshine. Meanwhile a new normality seems to be coming to Europe, most people in L.A. are still cutting their own hair. Many have not seen their friends for half a year. The pandemic is out of control. The reaction towards it too. Inviting someone into their garden for a “distance drink” can cause the same distress as suggesting to switch spouses.

Therefore, it was particularly surprising that Pedro Pascal immediately accepted. He accepted the drink, not to switch spouses. He is one of the rising stars and newcomers this year – if it wasn’t for corona sending the whole film industry into a forced vacation, there would most likely not have been time for said drink. After having his skull crushed in “Game of Thrones” followed the lead role as a DEA agent hunting Pablo Escobar in “Narcos” in 2015 and now he is stepping towards big Hollywood films. From the 1st of October onwards the Chilean-born actor will be starring in the blockbuster “Wonder Woman 1984”. Moreover, the second season of the “Star Wars”-series “The Mandalorian” on Disney+ starring him as the lead is going to air in October this year – but he will be underneath a helmet. Well, we all are under a helmet in 2020 in one way or another. We want to meet the man who a few years ago still worked as a waiter in New York, whose parents were political refugees who found asylum in Denmark and settled in Texas and whose son one day signed up for a theatre group in High School.

Then, the cancellation! While we were in the middle of fixing up the house and the garden for the drink with Pedro and organizing the fashion shoot, which was not easy considering the safety measures in L.A., his management called with an unfortunate message: Pedro – no, not sick with corona – had to get emergency surgery because of a damaged tooth and was lying in bed with a swollen face that was hindering him from speaking and taking pictures. The sun is shining onto empty streets. And our empty garden.

A few days later he nonetheless arrived at our front door without a swollen face but still with threads in his mouth. He was not chauffeured by a limo-service but he came with his own car – he even picked up his make-up artist. He is helping her carrying all of her utensils into the house and declares: “I’ve got time today!”. What a celebrity! It seemed like we did not want to ask him how he made it to the A-List of Hollywood but he wanted to ask us how we made it to the A-list. Pedro Pascal! Yes, what kind of a celebrity?

Pedro Pascal: Sorry for messing with your plans. The surgery was an emergency.

GQ: Really? We were wondering whether the swelling wasn’t the product of a secret visit to the plastic-surgeon. Apparently, they are drowning in work because of the quarantine in Hollywood.

PP: I have to disappoint you. A few days before our appointment I was rushing to the hospital with a fractured tooth and the worst pain in my entire life – a hospital in which treats people with severe cases of corona. I was unable to reach any dentist! Right in front of the parking lot a specialist called me back. The pain was hell despite the ten injections I got. The doctor said I was not an exception because a lot of people are grinding their teeth because of all the stress.

GQ: What are you most afraid of at the moment?

PP: How the government is handling the pandemic is worrying me more than the virus itself. This shortage of intelligent management of the crisis is a moral shame. The leadership crisis in this country is turning us all into orphans – destitute and abandoned.

GQ: How did you spend your time over the last few months?

PP: I spent it with frozen pizza and sweatpants in Venice Beach. I live in a rear house that’s in a family’s garden. Actually, there are a lot of good takeout places nearby but for some reason I just love pepperoni pizza from the supermarket.

GQ: That does not really sound like movie star-lifestyle. What does it feel like being suddenly stopped from top speed to zero?

PP: Regarding what is going on around the world one should hold back one’s own mental turmoil. I would be lying if I was saying that I am not disappointed. The whole team put a lot of heart and work into the production of “Wonder Woman 1984”. We had a lot of fun on set. I wished to travel around the world and introduce the film with the same lively energy.

GQ: You come from a politically engaged, socialist family that fled from the Pinochet-regime in Chile. What do you remember from that time?

PP: My sister and I were born in Chile but I was only nine months old when we first found asylum in Denmark. From there we quickly came to San Antonio in Texas where my dad started working as a doctor at the university clinic.

GQ: Texas is not known as a socialist utopia. How did you assimilate?

PP: San Antonio is not a Cowboy-town but very diverse with big Asian, black and Latino communities. I remember it as a romantic place, culturally open. The culture shock only came as we later moved to range county in California. There the atmosphere was suddenly white, preppy and conservative.

GQ: How were you received in California?

PP: I’m still ashamed of the fact that I did not correct my classmates when they kept on calling me Peter. I am Pedro. Even if I didn’t grow up in Chile the country and the language are still a part of me. I was very unhappy in that environment. However, I was fortunately able to go to another school close to Long Beach where I felt more comfortable. Through the theater group at that school I found my way.

GQ: Were you able to visit Chile as a child?

PP: Yes, when my parents made it to the list of expatriates that were able to travel to Chile without consequences. First, there was a big family reunion and then my sister and I stayed there for a few months with relatives while my parents went back to Texas. They likely needed a break from us. They got us when they were very young, had a buzzing social life and my mother was obtaining a PhD in psychology.

GQ: Was your mother a typical young psychologist who wanted to apply her theoretical knowledge at home?

PP: You mean, whether I was her guinea pig? For sure! I remember strange tests and sittings that were disguised as games where someone was watching me react to different toys. I cannot have been older than six but I was already aware of the dynamic. My favourite thing was being questioned about my dreams. That was a wonderful opportunity to come up with fantastic stories.

GQ: Was that your first performance?

PP: Of course! My mother worried about my strong imagination because I was living in my own fantasy world rather than reality. I hated going to school. I was always categorized as the troublemaker. At one point, the topics at school became more interesting and my grades also went up. There are so many kids that are unnecessarily diagnosed with learning disabilities without considering that school can be abhorrent. Why is it so accepted to be bored in class when there are so many stimulating ways to convey knowledge?

GQ: Considering al that has happened this summer around the world: Do you believe that we can seriously demand social change now?

PP: I Hope so. After lockdown, the first time I went out was to protest for “Black Lives Matter” on the streets. The energy was peaceful and hopeful until the police provoked severe conflicts. Nevertheless, we cannot run from problems like we used to this time and we cannot distract ourselves from them either. It seems like the pressure of the pandemic led to a new clarity: We cannot go on this way.

GQ: The “Wonder Woman 1984” Trailer revives the optimism of the 1980’s. From today’s point of view, it seems almost nostalgic.

PP: That’s right. You really are happy for two hours. The director Patty Jenkins created a film full of positive messages. We shot in Washington D.C., then in London and Spain – this sounds like I am talking of a past time.

GQ: Do you miss traveling?

PP: I’m just now realizing the privilege of just packing up one’s stuff and being able to fly anywhere. An American passport used to guarantee unlimited travel. And that’s why it the small radius of our lives is actually unimaginable. Over the last years I often retreated for a break after shootings because I was constantly on the move and overstimulated. My friends were already complaining I had become too comfortable. We all took social contact for granted and are only realizing now how dependent we actually are on human contact. Over the last weeks I often longingly thought about all the parties and dinner invitations I declined.

GQ: In L.A. people spend more time at home or nature than in other metropolises that are more geared towards public life. Could this city become your second home after New York?

PP: My Real Home are my friends. I have been a nomad since I was little and I do not have a place where I have put down roots. Up until not long ago my physical home was a place in between departure and arrival. Therefore, it was something I did not want to complicate through the accumulation of stuff. On the contrary: Without having read Marie Kondo’s book I have freed myself from excess baggage over the last few years and I lived relatively minimally.

GQ: Is there nothing you collect or something you just can’t throw away?

PP: Books! I even still have the literature I read when I was a teenager and when I was in college. Recently, I stumbled upon a box full of old theatre manuscripts and materials from my time at the New York University. I also cannot part from art easily, just like I cannot part from lamps or old photos. On the other hand, I can easily get rid of furniture and clothes.

GQ: Do you remember roles that were really only completely defined through the costume?

PP: Yes, I am particularly thinking about “Game of Thrones”. At that time I understood for the first time what it meant to be supported by a look. This is thanks to the costume designer Michele Clapton. She created very feminine robes and brocade coats for my character that nevertheless looked masculine when worn and I felt very sexy in them. Of course, Lindy Hemmings power-suits and Jan Swells bleached hairstyle for the tycoon-villain in “Wonder Woman 1984” were very important as well. At first I did not really see myself in the role because the cuts and colors of the 80s do not really fit my body. I’m more the 70s type.

GQ: Do you incorporate those inspirations into your personal wardrobe?

PP: In my free time I choose comfort over a cool look these days. Sometimes I miss the times when I expressed myself through a certain style. It is hard to imagine that I went to Raves as a teenage in the 90s; I was a real club kid with ridiculous outfits: overalls, balloon pants, football shirts and a top hat, like in Dr.Seuss’s “Cat in a Hat”. Later in New York I was hanging out with a group of people that felt it was very important to have a certain style. The fact that I am basically only wearing sweatpants everyday is actually tragic.

GQ: whoever plays roles in comic book adaptations becomes a bodybuilder and eats ten chicken breasts a day. You don’t?

PP:My body would not agree with that. It is hard enough to stay in shape normally. When you’re in your mid-forties you have to live with a lot more discipline. Up until before my tooth-incident I worked out with a trainer in my garden multiple times a week to keep the quarantine body in check.

GQ: Apart from the personal trainer, are you in a steady relationship?

PP: I am not ready for that yet. Maybe at some point I will be but until then I’ll let it be. I can’t even offer you absurd corona dating stories.

GQ: What would annoy you the most if you were your own roommate?

PP: I can be quite controlling. I have to conjure all my humanity to prevent myself from going through my entire film collection. When I don’t want something I cannot keep it to myself or be passive-aggressive, I always have to take it to the frontlines. Other than that, I tend to have tunnel view: when I am not feeling well I cannot imagine to ever feel better again. I have trouble relativizing my emotions or to wave off problems. Method-acting would really not be for me. This is why I try to only work on projects that feel good, where there is mutual support and encouragement.

GQ: When we were trying on the clothes earlier you spoke of a lack of self-confidence. How does that get along with a career like yours?

PP: Isn’t it interesting how these characteristics and circumstamces relate? Self-worth comes from inside but it is also influenced by what society values because we often internalise the public gaze. I have lived in New York for 20 years, I studied there and made a living by working as a waiter until my mid-thirties because the theatre and film jobs I got did not pay the bills. There were so many times I was almost there. The disappointment of having missed the perfect role or opportunity by a hair’s width can be crushing. When should you give up and what is plan B? That is a question that is not only on many actors‘s minds but also on many others minds who struggle for a living – no matter how much potential they have or how close they seem to be to the top. We are seeing now how our narrow definition of success destroys society. At the same time, we are realizing that where we come from and the color of our skin still decide whether we can exist with dignity.

GQ: What are the positive aspects of a relatively late success as leading-man?

PP: I feel like I can decide over my own life without the pressure of having to accept projects or to have to present a certain identity on social media. This is for sure also because I am a man. Regardless of age, Women have to try harder to stand out.

GQ: Life always consists of risk management – now more than usual. For what would you risk losing something?

PP: Generally, when you never risk something you might never get ahead. That is for friendship, love, work and creativity. I have to be ready to take risks for the things that really matter to you.

#pedro pascal #THANK YOU MY LOVE!#submission

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