#and respecting goals and ambitions and dreams that were already in place long before I entered someone’s life

[im-constantly-fangirling-backup]

Here Comes the Cavalry

REPOST BECAUSE TUMBLR HATES ME

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Warnings: Swear words

Word Count: ~2.3k

A/N: Thank you so much for requesting this, anon! I had a really fun time writing this and I hope you enjoy!

Summary: Charlie's 10th birthday finds itself the center of a showdown between Thomas and his ex-wife over the new woman in his life.

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Being a friend of the Shelby's- didn’t matter how close or distant- was like walking around with a target on your back. But you didn’t mind. As much violence and chaos that the family attracts, and as much as they try to have power over each other, there was a mutual love and respect between every Shelby that you hadn’t seen anywhere else. For example, when Polly found out Tommy had hidden crucial information, she was pissed; but also proud. It was a bit concerning, if you were going to be honest. Even Grace was kept in the loop after the divorce. Once a Shelby, always a Shelby, you supposed. Grace wasn’t involved in the family business at all, but she and the family met occasionally. Although, as time passed on, it was mostly so Charlie could spend time with his father. Grace was now remarried and her visits were far and in between. She drifted apart from all the Shelbys- not that they minded, as her betrayal was still in their minds all those years later. Thomas started to move on from her as well, now very much used to Grace not being a part of his day-to-day life. Today was the day that Grace and Charlie were making a rare visit to the Arrow House for his 10th birthday. Thomas postponed all of his meetings for the entire week to make time for his son, an action that made you smile when you heard Tom tell his clients of his absence. And they call him heartless, you had laughed to yourself. “Ada! How are you doing!” you said, hugging your best friend before walking into the Arrow House. You took off your coat and hung it on the hook next to the door. “Oh I’m doing great sweetheart,” she said. “Auntie Y/NNNNNN!” you heard a little boy’s voice yell from the stairs. The pitter-patter of their feet running across the wooden floor echoed through the large room and made you chuckle. “Hello, Karl!” you kneeled on your knees and opened your arms for Karl, who ran into them and almost made you topple over. “Someone’s excited to see me!” You squeezed him lightly, resting your cheek on his head. You pulled away from him and reached into your purse, grabbing a chocolate bar that you had bought for Karl. “I got you something!” Karl smiled, his cute crooked teeth on display. “Thank you!” He grabbed the bar from your hand and started unwrapping it, running away from you and towards the living room. “Uncle Arthur, look what Auntie Y/N gave me!” he yelled. “What did I say about the chocolate?” Ada chided you. You laughed. “I couldn’t help it Ada,” you defended yourself. “He’s too adorable to not spoil.” In the background, you heard Karl laugh loudly. “You can’t have any Uncle Arthur, it’s for me!” You chuckled and shook your head, looking down at the floor in mock exasperation. The Arrow House would be nothing without the echoes of Karl’s screams bouncing around the walls from time to time. Even Thomas seemed to brighten up a bit more whenever Karl and Ada visited. You supposed it was because his nephew reminded him of his own son that he barely got to see. At the thought of Charlie, you looked up to Ada. “When are Charlie and Grace showing up?” Ada shrugged. “They should be here in a couple of minutes. Why don’t we head to the living room? Tommy bought a shit ton of food for Charlie so we might be able to steal a bit.” _______________________________________________________________________________________ You and Ada made your way into the living room and smiled at the exquisite birthday decorations. There were balloons of every color bunched up every couple of feet around the room, a large birthday banner hanging proud and true on the wall across from the fireplace. “Hello, Y/N. Ada,” Tom said from where he sat on the couch, his elbows on his knees. You smiled at him. “Thomas.” Tom smirked slightly- which was a fucking bright-ass grin when it came to Thomas. “We’ve been over the ‘Thomas’ shit, Y/n/n,” he said, quirking his brow. You chuckled. “We have,” you said. “Tom. ‘S just fun to be all fucking formal.” Tom pat the spot on the couch next to him while Ada left your side, sensing that you two wanted some

time alone. You walked over to Tom and sat next to him. “You excited?” Thomas nodded, his blue eyes brightening slightly. “I hardly get to see Charles anymore. You bet your ass I’m spoiling me boy when he’s here,” he joked. You laughed. “I’m sure Charlie’s going to like all of this,” you gestured to the decorations around you. “Oh! Before I forget! Where should I put this?” You reached into your purse and pulled out a folded mancala board that Charlie had begged you for the last time he visited. Thomas smiled and took the board from you, leaning down and sliding it under the couch. “We’re going to open presents after cake, so just remember to pick it back up.” From there, you and Thomas began to talk about the family business. Unlike with Grace, Thomas found himself consulting you on many decisions that he made. You weren’t directly involved but your advice was greatly appreciated by the family. Especially since Thomas wanted to get into politics- a field that you knew well because your father ran for MP multiple times before his death- your advice on what not to do gave him valuable insight on how to maintain a favorable public image. “I know your past is something that can’t be erased,” you said in response to Tom’s concerns about the subject. “But that doesn’t mean it can’t be hidden. Or at least left ambiguous enough that people can’t ask the right questions. You keep the public from asking the right questions, and you make sure they can never find the answers.” “It’s a bit unnerving that you know this,” Tom noted, a smirk on his face. In truth, he was impressed. Your knowledge of politics was quite extensive considering your father tried to keep you away from it for most of your life. But you knew how to eavesdrop and read gossip, and so you gained a wealth of knowledge about politics. You laughed. “You’re acting like you don’t already know this.” Thomas took a drag of his cigarette and chuckled. “You got me there.” Your conversation was interrupted by the distinct shrill of the doorbell. Tom perked up and smiled. “Charles is here!” He practically jumped up from his seat on the couch and made his way to the hall. You followed him to the hall, beckoning Karl, Ada, and Arthur- who had been quietly eating food in the corner, thinking Tom hadn’t noticed- to come with you. You and the group walked into the hall to the sight of Thomas laughing and picking up Charlie in his arms and bouncing him up and down, making his son giggle. “Happy birthday Charlie!” you exclaimed, clapping. Arthur, Karl, Ada- and John and Polly, who had been talking in the hall after you arrived- clapped and joined in wishing Charlie a happy birthday. Charlie and Karl shared a hug that resulted in you awing. You looked at Grace and smiled. “Welcome, Grace,” you greeted her respectfully. Grace simply nodded at you and took off her coat. Turning around to put her coat on the coat hooks next to the door, she gasped lightly in shock when she saw your coat resting next to Tom’s. “Whose coat is this?” she asked casually. You apologized profusely. “It’s mine, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to impose. I can find a different place for it-” Thomas waved his hand nonchalantly. “Oh, no need. You’re not imposing, Y/n/n.” You blushed slightly. “Frances can take your coat, Grace. I trust you remember who she is?” He jabbed at her lightly. Grace huffed and nodded. “Alright.” The tension between Tom and Grace was palpable and made everyone make excuses to leave the room. You left as well, saying something about wanting to play around with Karl and Charlie. You knew things were bad between Thomas and Grace. So bad, in fact, that Tom had approached her with a divorce. Tom was many things, but he wasn’t the type of person to reach for a divorce. He believed that marriage lasted for life. But after Tom’s and Grace’s arguments over his ambitions and dreams started to grow from skirmishes to screaming matches littered with threats, Thomas had enough. He told you the night that he decided to divorce Grace that he didn’t want to spend his life with a woman

that didn’t support his political and business ambitions. You found yourself sympathizing with both of them. You understood Grace’s concerns about the target that would always be on her and Charlie’s back because of Thomas’s ambition. But you also understood Thomas’s argument that his ambitions were also the thing that would provide his family with more opportunities than he had. Thomas’s goals were a double-edged sword. Although, Grace had become quite cold to Thomas in retaliation for the divorce, often sending him and his family veiled insults. So you didn’t feel much remorse for her when Tom made barbed comments like the one made in the hall. You sighed while watching Karl and Charlie play. It was going to be a long party. _______________________________________________________________________________________ All of you were eating cake, you talking with Polly about some gossip that you heard when going shopping for groceries. “Apparently Brandon was just using her for her status,” you said, licking the frosting off of your fork. “But then Brandon caught Melissa sleeping with her boss-” “No fucking way!” Polly interrupted, putting her plate down and gasping. “How the hell do these things happen to people!” You laughed. “I know right! My life is boring in comparison- and I hang out with you insane idiots!” “Hey!” John said from across the table, his mouth full of cake. “We’re not that bad!” “Speak for yourself,” Ada muttered from next to her brother, cringing when John stuck his cake-covered tongue out at her. “Honestly, Y/N,” Grace’s refined voice reverberated through the dining room, “You shouldn’t be gossiping this much. It’s a boring pastime.” You quirked your brow. “I’m sorry?” “Oh it’s alright, I understand that some people have nothing better to talk about. I’m just saying, gossip signals a bland personality and I’m sure you don’t have that, hm?” Grace’s implied message was clear. You sat in silence for a moment, surprised. “No?” you said, going along with whatever Grace said. In all honesty, you didn’t care what Grace thought of you. She barely visited enough for you to give a shit. But apparently, Tom didn’t want to let it slide. “Look, Grace, it’s not a big deal to gossip, alright? You’d be a big fucking hypocrite telling Y/n/n not to gossip when pretty much everything you talked about was who was fuckin’ who-” “Thomas!” Grace chided. “What? If you’re going to walk in here and criticize how Y/n/n spends their time, you can fuck off, alright? I don’t need some posh stuck-up woman in me house. So either behave yourself and let Charlie have a good birthday,” Thomas threatened, “Or get out of me house and have fun on the streets for a week.” “You’d let your own son live on the streets for a week?” Grace asked, shocked. “My threat regards only you. Charles is me blood- you make me see blood.” Grace looked down at her plate and picked up her fork and ate her cake again. Tom took that as an agreement to get along with everyone and started eating again as well. You were just thankful that you had sent Karl and Charlie to play upstairs. But regardless of the tense situation, a smile graced your face at the immediacy that Tom defended you with. _______________________________________________________________________________________ “Hey,” you tapped Thomas’s shoulder when you both found yourselves alone in the back room. “Thank you for defending me.” Tom nodded and smiled slightly. “Of course.” “I mean it. No one really defends me so I really appreciate it. Especially since it’s Grace.” Tommy’s brows raised slightly at that comment. “What do you mean?” You shrugged, looking anywhere but at Tom. “I mean, she was the woman that made you the person you used to be before France. I understand there’s some bad blood between you two now, but she’s still special to you.” Tom hummed and walked closer to you, stopping at around 2 feet away from you. “So are you, you know. You’re special to me.” You smiled. “You’re special to me, too.” Thomas’s hand cupped your cheek lightly, his thumb stroking

back and forth. A flush made its way to your cheeks and you smiled shyly at Tom. There was always some unspoken bond between the two of you that you danced around. You were always scared that it was too early after his divorce, but with the way that he was looking at you, he probably got over it a while ago. You don’t know who leaned forward first, but one second later your mouths were connected in a feverish kiss. Tom’s hands were traveling places, touching parts of your body that you caught him eyeing from time to time. Your hands rested against his chest and reveled in the feeling of his heart thumping against his chest as erratically as yours. So you had the same effect on him as he did on you. The kiss was a good indicator of that, but it was nice to have reassurance. Tom pulled away and rested his forehead on yours. “Fuck, I’ve wanted to do that for months now,” Tom confessed. You smiled, pecking him on the lips. “So have I,” you replied, pulling his mouth back to yours.

#tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby x reader #tommy shelby #thomas shelby #tommy shelby angst #thomas shelby angst #peaky blinders #peaky blinders imagine

[therealvinelle]

How do you believe Carlisle feels about Esme? How would their break up go? Would he ever cheat on her? I mean like emotionally?

He loves her.

I don’t doubt that his feelings for Esme are genuine, that he respects and cherishes her and wishes to spend his life with her. Esme, too, worships the man.

My complete lack of faith in this ship comes from the fact that they’re together for the wrong reasons and not compatible. 

The Bad Beginning

Carlisle had spent centuries searching for likeminded, he never did. In the end he succumbs and starts creating his own, first Edward and then Esme, and to his joy they both agree to do the diet.

Esme’s transformation was entirely an impulse on his end. He saw this delightful, vivacious young woman he’d known ten years ago lie broken and dying in the morgue, a Jane Doe declared dead, she was all too easy to steal. She was too far gone for him to have time to think it over, and so he went «alright let’s do this. I imagine it seemed rather like God had sent her to that morgue specifically. We learn from Midnight Sun that romance wasn’t on his mind at all (even if it was, that wouldn’t make their marriage more functional) and he expected nothing of her. He bit her because he didn’t want Esme Platt to die.

Esme, of course, wakes up into this new life under surreal, heavenly circumstances. Her child is still dead - but here is the mythic, pedestaled Dr. Cullen, now her savior and more wonderful than ever. To back myself up with the books:

Esme had already been in love with Carlisle—much to his shock—but not through any mystical, magical means. She’d met Carlisle as a girl and, drawn to his gentleness, wit, and otherworldly beauty, formed an attachment that had haunted her for the rest of her human years. Life had not been kind to Esme, and so it was not surprising that this golden memory of a good man had never been supplanted in her heart. After the burning torment of transformation, when she’d awakened to the face of her long-cherished dream, her affections were entirely his. (Midnight Sun, chapter Bloodtype)

Carlisle, on his end, hadn’t had the idea at all until Edward said “Dude, she’s into you, go for it.”

I’d been on hand to caution Carlisle about her unforeseen reaction. He’d expected that she would be shocked by her transformation, traumatized by the pain, horrified by what she’d become, much as I had been. He’d expected to have to explain and apologize, to soothe and to atone. He knew there was a good chance that she would have preferred death, that she would despise him for the choice made without her knowledge or consent. So the fact that she had been immediately prepared to join this life—not really the life, but to join him—was not something he was ready for.

He’d never seen himself as a possible object of romantic love before that moment. It seemed contrary to what he was—a vampire, a monster. The knowledge I gave him changed the way he looked at Esme, the way he looked at himself.

More than that, it was very a powerful thing, choosing to save someone. It was not a decision any sane individual made lightly. (sic)

I’m not entirely void of authorial intent - I get that this was supposed to be romcom where the cute nerdy guy has no idea the girl is interested. 

But, what I see is that after centuries of being alone, never finding anybody who shared his values, Carlisle finally has these two people who share his ideals, the only two in the world. He’s had countless friends, but it never worked out because of that damn diet. But, now he has these two people, and one of them is a beautiful, kind, wonderful woman who’s in love with him.

I imagine falling for Esme was easy. It was just so perfect, simply by being Carlisle Cullen he could make her happier than any other man, and given their shared diet, he wanted her by his side always, just as he did Edward. And this was it for him, really, to Carlisle Cullen Esme might as well be the only woman in the world because she’s the only one who'll share his lifestyle. He also felt responsible for her.

I don’t at all doubt their sincerity or affection for one another.

However, they did not fall for each other for each other’s sakes. Esme fell for the ideal since childhood, and Carlisle fell because she was perfect. Stick them in an AU and it won’t happen.

The Slippery Slope

Where they run into trouble is firstly that Esme doesn’t share these ideals, nor value human life for its own sake. Now, I’m not asking her to be a saint - but over the course of these books we had some lapses that I find pretty damning. 

She wanted Edward back in Forks, when this would almost certainly mean the death of Bella Swan, simply because to Esme having Edward nearby > a person’s life. This wasn’t the case for Carlisle, he made it extremely clear he wanted Edward to leave.

During the “Kill Bella?” vote, she was in favor of whatever meant Edward would stay.

Carlisle, having failed to get anywhere with talking sense into Edward, sends him home to his mother for an intervention. What happens next is that Esme gives Edward her blessing to eat the delicious girl if he wants to. Now, we can’t know specifically the talk Carlisle and Esme had before this, but I can’t imagine it was this. Also, damn, what a miscommunication.

Esme simply doesn’t have a problem with the deaths of individual humans, and she will put her loved ones above all other things, even if it’s a minor inconvenience. Keeping Bella alive only becomes her priority after Edward makes it clear he wants this.

Now, Carlisle’s standards have been worn down over the centuries, he just wants his family to try not to eat people on purpose, that’s how low the bar is. Tragically for his marriage, Esme is stumbling over said bar.

The further trouble they run into is that I don’t think they’re very compatible people.

Esme means well, but she’s peculiar, to put it extremely nicely. Her ambition in life is to LARP the human life, right down to being a master chef of something her species can’t eat, which could be sweet if she did other things. She doesn’t, the closest she gets is designing homes for her family. There’s being single-minded, and then there’s Esme, who appears to have honed herself into someone who exists only to be the housewife.

This leads to bizarre behavior - for instance in Midnight Sun when Edward has realized he’s in love, he sits around laughing to himself like a lunatic while playing the piano. Something happens with Rosalie, who runs out of the house in humiliation. Esme, responding to all this, gives her infamous “the best and brightest of us all” pep talk.

It’s just such a weird scene, even accounting for the inhumanity of Twilight vampires this is weird.

Mostly, thought, it is Esme’s interests and desires in life that I find so at odds with Carlisle’s. She wants to be an improved human, living the shinier, better, life without actually embracing the inhumanity of vampirism, while Carlisle is doing the human thing because he wants to be a doctor and save lives. Before that, he was travelling the world, living with normal vampires, using his eternity to study and pursue meaning in life. Now, they end up in the same place, with similar goals - wanting to blend in with humans - but the motivation is the polar opposite.

Which in turn means that as the world turns and their lives inevitably change, the way they live will have to change. This will spell trouble.

There’s also me having a strong suspicion these two don’t have much of a physical relationship, if any. Meyer specifically referred to their relationship as spiritual, and that fits the vibe we get from them in the books. Quite notably, Rosalie and Emmett were impossible to be around when they were newlyweds, while Carlisle and Esme weren’t a problem at all. 

Not to mention what Esme longed for all those years was very much an ideal of a man, which to me doesn’t immediately point to a very physical attraction.

The Penultimate Peril

Would he cheat on her, you ask. Answer is yes, they’re both cheating emotionally with Edward. No. 

He’s with her because he wants to be, and feels responsible for her. More, developing the kinds of feelings necessary for an emotional affair isn’t really on the table for him, since everyone else in the world is either a. one of his kids or the Denali, b. an unrepentant man-eating demon. So, unless Tanya’s feeling frisky, Carlisle doesn’t have anybody to cheat with.

(I’m here defining an emotional affair, which as I understand it is a bit hard to define, as a romantic, but non-physical entanglement. The cheating party has to know their partner wouldn’t be cool with it for it to count in my eyes.)

As for physically cheating on her, nope. God no, not ever. Unless something really convoluted like the plot of Blue Moon unfolded, but that’s really more a case of Esme pimping out her husband to her daughter-in-law, so everyone’s to blame here.

The end

I think the breakup can happen in any number of ways, but I think either way it will be sudden. 

These two aren’t going to go “you know, I think we’ve grown apart” because Esme would never acknowledge that nevermind walk up to Carlisle and say it, and if Carlisle realized things aren’t working he’d still want to stick it out for her sake.

I think it’ll be sudden, it’ll happen as the immovable object that is them is hit by an unstoppable force. One will go someplace the other can’t follow. Maybe when the Cullen coven splits down the middle, and they’re on each their own side of the chasm, or maybe some other cause entirely.

It’ll devastate them both, but given the people these two are, I think it’s inevitable.

#carlisle cullen #esme cullen #carlisle/esme #twilight #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #hope you all think the header theme was as funny as i did #a series of unfortunate events aka- #Anonymous #ask

[mc-critical]

How similar did you find Mihrimah to her mother as a character? I’ll be completely honest I found it a bit comical how other characters in the show or even fans of the franchise would consider Mihrimah very much her mother’s daughter while I personally feel they contrasted in a very important way: Mihrimah was born into privilege that Hürrem never truly had, or at the very least never had the full extent of. Mihrimah was considered “one of the dynasty” and was treated and accomodated to as such from day one, and I feel she got used to having pretty much everything at her fingertips for the most part and it showed in her interactions and the way she processed the events that would take place around her. Hürrem on the other hand would have elitism applied to her through all stages of her life and spent her entire life either climbing the social ladder in the harem or fighting to maintain her spot. I won’t deny that Mihrimah certainly posseses strength and intelligence in her own right but a spitting image of her mother? I wouldn’t think so. What do you think?

Truly, I've also always wondered why Mihrimah is often considered solely "her mother's daughter" and nothing else. I get why the characters of the show do so, because there are certainly times she behaves similarly or absorbs her mother's assessments completely - Mahidevran calling her as tenacious as Hürrem when she found out she organized a secret meeting with Taslicalı, Mustafa comparing her to her after she was blindly unwilling to understand his point of view in E121 and especially, Şah Sultan telling her outright that she's like Hürrem, when in the season 3 finale Mihrimah took it upon herself to go in her mother's footsteps when she was considered fully gone. These points of view I understand, because they had one particular reason, one particular event that triggered their reaction. What I don't understand is the fandom taking these at face value, even when they have the full picture of her character, because in spite of these moments, Mihrimah is very different from her mother.

The contrast you brought up is very important, because Mihrimah indeed has something that Hürrem doesn't and Hürrem herself relies and capitalizes on that, expecting from Mihrimah to achieve what she couldn't. That's why when Hatice used elitism on her in the beginning of season 2, Hürrem turned to Mihrimah specifically and it was also why it was she Hürrem was sharing her dreams and ambitions with from early on. It makes Hürrem lean on her and Mihrimah acts accordingly. She not only takes her position for granted just like her aunts, that same position becomes utilized for her mother's goals. This contrast reflects on her narrative role and arc, as well.

Ironically, Mihrimah seemed closer to her mother when she was little than when she grew older. When she was a child, we could definetly say she was set to succeed Hürrem, exceed her even. The way she professed she isn't like the other princesses (paralleled with Hürrem's: "Don't compare me to anyone else."), the way she wore the crown for a bit, which was her character establishing moment, the way she thought of strategic intrigues that gave Hürrem a run for her money when Mahidevran ruled the harem... We could easily think she was her mother's replica, but worse, similar to grown MCK Dilruba, only more simplified, spoiled and brash without a truly overlying motive. Little Mihrimah was supposed to be like that simply because of it, but it looked like we had to take the hint she was the dynastic version of Hürrem's most over the top relation to the power she already had. (which, by the wedding, wasn't little at all.) This didn't end up being the case at. all.

The difference in Mihrimah's arc can be underlined best when we compare it to the arcs similar to Hürrem's - the arcs of each sultana from the Sultanate of Women. Hürrem is presented as the unwarranted beginner of the Sultanate of Women in the show and the characters in it followed the same patterns of their respective arcs, even when it was showed in a different order. (we saw Safiye's gradual fall, instead of her gradual rise) Now, historically Mihrimah is a part of the Sultanate of Women and at first, she was set to be it in the show, too, as I described. When she grew up, and especially in season 4, however, we saw quite a difference in her role and arc that diverged from everyone else's. Not to mention that she got the crown only briefly until she broke it, she didn't get the thematic ring the others got, either, the ring that became key for all these sultanas, which is telling in a symbolic way. If she were a spitting image of her mother, wouldn't she get all that? But let's ignore these technicalities. Every character of MC's Sultanate Of Women has a primary motive that is survival and rise and keep of power that is most thoroughly shown to us through Nigar Kalfa's advice to Hürrem in the first episode. Mihrimah not only lacks this particular motive, by most of season 3, she has yet to find her own. Mihrimah's character didn't have any solid foundation for a long period of time: at first she was brash and spoiled, because she was and because she could, then she didn't do that much in the script aside from her love stories, she had room to breathe before it all became more serious. She had the chance to discover herself. To venture into her love adventures with Taşlicalı and Bali Bey. Neither Hürrem, nor the other sultanas of the SOW had that chance. They are put into the environment right from the beginning, while Mihrimah had to be put into it much, much later, so the foundation of her character came only then and only by some of the second half of season 3 and the whole season 4 it came to the surface.

And when her motivation and foundation finally appeared clearly, they were nowhere near Hürrem's. The main thematic exploration of the Sultanate of Women was their growing relation to power and the way it evolved from Hürrem to Turhan. Mihrimah's relation to power wasn't at the core of her thematic arc. Mihrimah's character is about familial protection. Throughout the series, she was pushed to do what is necessary to protect her family. Anytime Hürrem or Rustem beg her to do something, they use the well-being of her brothers as an argument, which she believes in wholeheartedly. Even the moments where she was defending her mother, like episode 84, was not because it was powerful for the sake of being powerful, but was rather a reaction of hers to try to defend the threatened. She is taught to value family most of all and doing everything for them she considers right. The turning point for her character was marrying Rustem where her monologue highlighted that realization of hers - she did something she was strongly against, but she had to do it for her and her brothers' own good, despite of the wedding being like a funeral. That could be paralleled with the culmination of her overall arc - her stealing Mustafa's seal that was also supposed to be for her family, but had more dire consequences she had to come to terms with. (and arguably didn't, because protecting family and legacy is way too engrained in her now.)

For a while, Mihrimah had an allegedly idealistic perspective, which is why there were times where she tried to act as a peacekeeper in such a system. That made her quite a bit more perceptive than her own mother - she predicted the possibility of an eventual fallout between Selim and Bayezid, calling them, not Mustafa their biggest problem. Coupled with her idealism, she wanted Mustafa safe and sound for very long and was in a good relation with him. Her character is about familial protection, but isn't Mustafa also part of the family, of Mihrimah's own blood? It's what she thought, too. That perceptiveness and perspective were muted by Hürrem and Rustem more often than they weren't, of course, but they existed and they brought them into conflicting situations. Would that be the case if Mihrimah were a spitting image of her mother?

One more thing important to note is that Hürrem (along with the SOW of the show) is guided by what became her own feelings and desires, Mihrimah learned to let go of them. I feel what Mihrimah wanted most in her life were true love and piece. Hürrem had found her love in Süleiman, but Mihrimah's journey in finding it has always been stopped by something or someone else time and time again and when someone (Dr. Pedro) finally offered her a way out, she decided to stay on her own terms. (I don't think she would've gone with him, even if Rustem didn't threaten to kill him) She has been told that piece is impossible in this period (Rustem: "Life isn't a fairy tale, Mihrimah.") and she had to use her own power when she didn't want to at all. She didn't want to think of the consequences her actions would cause right until reality ensued.

The necessity put upon her and her feelings and desires were clashing constantly with each other, while with Hürrem they were in near perfect accordance and when they weren't, she made them to be soon enough. With Mihrimah the times where she chose to act with her feelings and the ones where she acted in necessity were always taking turns narratively, leaving us to wonder which one would prevail in what moment. And the more time passes, the more the necessity prevails, because she accepted it.

#magnificent century #mihrimah sultan #ask #stuffandthangs

[arcticrxt]

Some dream smp mbtis and enneagrams bc I love it!!!

@dreamsclock here it is!!

Characters:

Wilbur

Ghostbur

Tommy

Dream

Tubbo

Quackity

Karl

Under the cut bc they’re kinda long. Keep in mind this is the characters and not the content creators :]

WILBUR

Personally for me I’d type c!wilbur as ENFJ which is interesting for a villainous character. When he spirals into madness, you can see his dominant function (Fe) become more unhealthy, leading to him being very manipulative. He shows Ti-grip when his Fe is left to burn out, becoming critical of others and their methods, preferring he do it instead (seen with tommy during their exile). Ni auxiliary is shown in his ambition and drive for his goal of L’manburg.

For his enneagram, i know wilbur said he based c!wilbur off of the song eight by sleeping at last, but hear me out,,, I was thinking maybe a 3w4. The 8 characteristics could be seen in a tritype of 368. Type three is named the achiever which in itself stands for his vision and ambition of L’manburg. 3w4s are often working towards personal growth and professional success. When unhealthy, 3s can get extremely competitive and prone to one-upping others. May reject their sense of self and develop intense mood swings. At worst they can backstab ruthlessly (tommy and the whole of L’manburg and pogtopia) and destroy others reputations solely for their benefit (“if i can’t have this no one can”). The tritype Im a bit if-y on but I’ll say 368 because it focuses on working hard, achieving personal best and developing a winning image. They will want to protect others from those they perceive as a target (dream, Schlatt), they will warn and caution others and seek “worthy” authorities they can respect.

GHOSTBUR His Si is incredibly high so imma say ISFJ. His main motive (id say) is wanting to collect stories of his past and the history of the nation he built, his “unfinished symphony”. Fe auxiliary is very strong as well as he shows a lot of compassion to others, offering them some blue in times of need and also not wanting anyone to feel sadness like he feels it. Ghostbur ignores his own feelings in order for others to feel safe. His Ti is shown through his need for gathering knowledge to understand alivebur and i could also see it through his internalised logic that the blue will help people. Not sure on inferior Ne, maybe through not wanting to see other possibilities in regards to his resurrection, however he was under a lot of stress since his home just got blown up, and friend died, so I can’t blame him.

He clearly doesn’t want conflict so I’ll say type 9. Needs peace and harmony (he gives out blue to help people). Soothing voice, and collected (except when Phil blew up L’manburg but that’s reasonable). He’s complacent, and humble, and will go the extra mile so long as to not rock the boat. Appreciative of the small things in life and enjoy simple pleasures.

TOMMY For Tommy I think ESFP which is probably one of the ones I’m up for more opinions on bc I’m not completely sure of his type. Se as dominant as he thrives on living in the moment but in an unhealthy way (unnecessary conflicts) He’s got a strong Fi auxiliary and you can see that through his personal morals and the way he usually makes decisions based off of emotions rather than objective facts and logical reasoning. He’s good at planning, but not at thinking out the longevity of it. Eg when heady exile and found technos house and lived under there, thinking techno would find him, this all shows Se-Te loop. He gradually develops an unhealthy Fi which leads to him disregarding external relationships (his friendship with tubbo) and commitments to maintain his internal love of the discs.

Enneagram wise, I’m definitely leaning towards 7w6. 7s are usually jumping from one thing to another and are constantly getting bored. The wing 6 brings loyalty and protectiveness. When unhealthy, sevens become narcissistic in their actions and presentation (see his confrontation with tubbo after tubbo thought he was dead, and the “the discs are worth more than you ever were” granted he quickly realises what he said but the mentality was still there).

DREAM I think he’s a fairly obvious stereotype unhealthy ENTJ. He has a very low Fi. When we see him driven by emotion (usually anger) it’s terrifying and we have no context about it at all except that it’s for a need of control. He knows how to manipulate people through his charisma and power in an ENTJ fashion. He lost attachment to his things very quickly (using Te and Ni to go forward logically while also showcasing his inferior Fi)

Dream is a very painfully obvious 8, probably an 8w7, but he is defined an 8. The eight has fiery passions and is usually stubborn and headstrong, they are serious about control over their environment. They are goal-oriented and self-competent. Eights are direct and aren’t shy when taking the lead and making tough decisions. They are often seen in leadership positions. The eight type is part of the “body based” triad and they often act impulsively. They crave respect and enjoy being likes by the group. When unhealthy, eights can become tyrannical and intimidating, scaring off others at first glance. They become addicted to the pursuit of power and will destroy anything blocking their path. Feelings and emotions become insignificant (spirit :’)) challengers become stone-cold and take an antagonist stand to anyone who questions them or their motives. This is the one I’m most most sure of out of every typing I’ve done bc it seems painfully obvious.

TUBBO I’d say probably an Fe dom so maybe ENFJ/ESFP but I’m leaning more to the ENFJ side. Tubbo realised after he thought tommy had died that, without tommy he was himself. Something Fe doms struggle with the most is self worth and personal identity. They’re caught up in wanting to help others that they don’t tend to their own needs. He’s careless and self sacrificing when it comes to the needs of others (him giving up his life so that tommy could have the discs and be happy) and bc he has such low self esteem he doesn’t realise that that’s not what tommy wants. The reason I’m more leaning to ENFJ is because of his inferior Ti. Though he didn’t want to due to dominant Fe, he was lead to believe exiling tommy was the best possible solution. You can see he regrets it after tommy and dream had left. When he was working under schlatt we saw his remorse and guilt even though he knew it had to be done. We see his dominant Fe during his time as president when others push him to do things and he usually agrees. He was manipulated through guilt by dream which is very unhealthy ENFJ.

(I wrote this before the ghostbur one so sorry for any repetitive language) For enneagram, type nine: the peacemaker. Type 9s are motivated by their need for peace and harmony (tubbo was manipulated into believing that getting rid of tommy would achieve this). They have a calm demeanour and are agreeable. They’re hardworking, friendly, and modest but also more serious and diligent than expected. (I’m not too sure on his enneagram which is why this is so short)

QUACKITY Estj imo. Like dream, he’s unhealthily obsessed with power, (unhealthy dominant Te). He abandoned L’manburg because schlatt wouldn’t let him have any say, and he was shoved to the side, despite it being a coalition government. He is very logical and controls others. He makes sure he comes out as the hero and that his hands are clean, learning it from past experiences (Si). He quickly finds ways to get out of situations through the use of tertiary Ne. Doesnt show a lot of Fi and he usually underestimates his opponents abilities and/or strength due to his overconfidence. He’s willing to kill anyone who goes against what he thinks and is stubborn and argumentative. He doesn’t like it when people are lazy and don’t contribute.

Also, similarly to dream, I’d type his enneagram as 8w7. The same with his obsession of power, and his strong/weak mindset where he thinks the world is made up of protectors and those who need to be protected (see him taking it upon himself to execute technoblade for the better of L’manburg) which is all very textbook 8. The opinions of others don’t have much effect on him. Eights are concerned with justice, combating oppression, and protecting the weak. He takes the lead in making tough decisions (he’s the butcher army leader). He becomes more antagonist and villainous with his actions against technoblade, believing he’s in the right. (I didn’t want to just copy out what I said for dream so this is a shortened version)

KARL Torn between ENFP and ESFP but leaning toward ENFP. He’s time travelling because he believes it’s the right the to do which is more so Fi, but could be Fe wanting to help others at his personal cost. But also the Fi-Te pair keeps him going and he won’t stop until it’s fulfilled (which is pretty Te imo). He is creative and good with imagination and ideas (Ne) (at the masquerade, although it was a comical excuse, he came up with minecraft streamer quickly, he was also able to answer billiams questions pretty quickly).

Even though it’s now canon he doesn’t choose when and where he travels to, which would have been a stronger argument for a type seven, he’s still enthusiastic at the times he travels to. He’s optimistic (with the mentality everything will go right for him because he believes it has to, even though he’s loosing a lot of memories atm). He’s got childlike energy and curious eyes. He wants to bounce from one place to another, he created two towns already, although one technically no one knows about gogtopia except for the founders and tommy who travelled through it. He’s well like and popular, which is often a 7 trait. The type 7 is part of the “heart-based” triad, and we can see him act through this with the way he seeks excitement as a means to distract himself from the darker, and more painful things in life. He ignores his fears in favour of positive experiences. For a wing, probably a 7w6 in favour of 7w8, the same as tommy. He’s loyal and a strong leader over being tough and more career-driven. If he was to turn unhealthy in the future, we might see him loose his groundedness, and start to live in a perpetual fantasy instead of reality.

Sorry for any typos or bad grammar :]

#I posted this on some other account but deleted it and just decided to post it here :] #I’d like to do more in future bc I love mbti and enneagram but idk #Wilbur soot #tommyinnit #ghostbur #dreamwastaken #tubbo #quackity #Karl #dsmp #dsmpblr #dream smp #mcyt #mbti #enneagram

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

I've really enjoyed your recent meta takes and was wondering if you could elaborate on your thoughts on Mandy + Ian and her going for Lip as a result (from your Ian Relationships meta)? I love reading about M+I and their connection is just so dear to me 😭

(P.S Thank you for being such a beacon of positivity in the Shameless fandom! I only got into the show during lockdown last year but it's become such a comfort so it makes me so happy to see positivity right now. ❤ )

Oh my gosh, thank you so much! You’re seriously too kind! I totally sympathize with you: Shameless has shot straight to the top of my list of comfort media since watching it right around the same time, so I’m really passionate about sharing the love around. 😃🧡 

To me, one of the most important things to look at in this analysis is motives—who each of these characters are, what they desire for themselves, and how those factors fit together like a puzzle.

Mandy is in such a difficult position. It’s not as easy as saying that she’s a victim of abuse and wants nothing more than to get as far from her family as possible, because that’s simply not true. In s1, we see that she’s very comfortable in her house. She and Mickey exhibit your standard sibling animosity (and competition for Ian’s attention, unbeknownst to her), she makes breakfast for Terry even though she’s obviously not super respectful to him as a parent, and she clearly has a solid understanding of where her family stands in the neighborhood. In a way, she thrives on that in the beginning. At but a word, she can do serious damage to somebody without raising a finger herself. Viewing Ian’s lack of response to her advances as an insult, she takes full advantage of that. In s2, we know that she is being abused in such a heinous way. She takes charge of the situation, although not in a manner that would save her from it. She leaves the house for a while to avoid Terry; she holds him at gunpoint and forces him to accept what he already knows so that he won’t hurt Ian. When they talk afterward, she even recounts what happened in a way that makes it sound like no big deal—he was drunk, and he didn’t know who she was, so it’s whatever. (It isn’t. We know it isn’t. If this is going to be her reality, however, then she’s going to own it. No one will look down on her, especially not a Gallagher who’s barely ahead of her in social standing.)

We’ll pause there because so much of how Mandy changed afterward is tied to Lip, but we can already see that Mandy isn’t like Mickey. Mickey stuck it out with his family and very clearly fell into the same trap we’ve heard verbalized by other male characters, namely the notion that men can’t be abused. It doesn’t matter that that is entirely inaccurate—that’s what they’ve been taught in their environment. That’s what’s normal to them. (That’s part of the dramatic irony in this scenario: we can see how damaging and traumatic these events are, but the characters don’t have our perspective. I don’t think Mickey sees what happened to him as rape, just like Ian doesn’t see what happened to him as grooming or assault. That’s for the audience to comprehend in terms of gravity and should add to our sympathy for them.)

Mandy is different. Women are abused all the time in their neighborhood. It’s visible, and it’s pervasive. In s3, Mandy immediately teaches Debbie how to defend herself against it. She didn’t have to learn. Like not seeing themselves as victims is part of the boys’ culture, fighting not to be one is part of the girls’. But there’s a contradiction in her life: the Milkoviches are the neighborhood badasses, and while she shares in that, it’s limited by her sex. There is something she will never be able to overcome in order to see the same return on her reputation that Mickey and Terry do, not unless she gets out, which will be extremely difficult on her own merits. She’s living in poverty and not doing well in school. Her prospects are limited—she told the counselor so. Based on that conversation and her history with boys even before meeting Ian, she clearly sees one surefire avenue to get out of this hole she’s stuck in: a man with the resources to get out and take her with him.  If she’s lucky, it’ll even be a good man with a good heart who wants to do good in the world.

Now, let’s talk about Ian. (See what I did there?) This doesn’t need to be long because I’ve already talked so much about Ian already lately, but let’s wax poetic just a bit. Ian wants to be a good person. He wants to be able to get by, even be successful, without having to do it through scamming and stealing. He has goals and ambitions, and whatever anybody thinks of those ambitions, he did it with the mindset that he would be a hero—a protector. Along with that, he never gives up. When Mandy sets her brothers on him, he doesn’t hide forever—he seeks her out multiple times to fix the situation. When he can’t get into West Point, he doesn’t quit ROTC and ignore his dreams. He keeps going.

Not only is he someone who wants to be good for himself, but he wants to be good for others too. He shows Mandy kindness that she arguably hasn’t seen from anyone else before. He takes care of his family when hers tends to focus on themselves and their own individual survival more of the time. Ian has what she would have seen as the potential to get out, and at the time, that is what he wants. It isn’t as an escape for him, but as a way to facilitate his own dreams.

The problem? Ian is gay. We can see that that bothers her sometimes because she forgets. She goes in for a kiss in s2 and has to reel back, settling for a hug instead. She gets tired of hearing him talk about Kash in s1 and kisses him to shut him up, saying she just wanted to kiss her fake boyfriend. Ian isn’t attainable. If Ian leaves, he won’t take her with him as a partner, and she can’t ask as a friend. How desperate would that seem to someone who refuses to be put in a position where she even slightly perceives him to be pitying her? She can’t ask. Not Ian. She needs someone else, someone who is also good and capable of getting out of here—who can be convinced to even if they don’t want to. Someone she can also trust and has some sort of connection with. Someone who is a fixer, and someone she can draw in with the only thing she thinks she has of any value: her body.

That would be Lip. Not only does he meet all of those criteria at the time, but she knows she can trust him. She trusts Ian, and Ian is closer to Lip than he is to anyone else—even her. No, Lip doesn’t have any convictions or real desire to leave, but he has potential. She can work with that. She’s also there for the entire Karen saga, so she knows that Lip is someone who takes his responsibilities to the people he’s with very seriously and tries so hard to cultivate that connection. (For example, feeding him, making herself sexually available as often as possible, letting him stay with her when he can’t go anywhere else without any conditions, etc. We even begin to see her distancing herself from Ian a little bit by s3, putting all of her energy into what she has with Lip when, a year ago, they were sneaking around because she said she didn’t want Ian to know about them. That isn’t to say that Ian was seeking her out either, being quite distracted with Mickey, but it’s noticeable for me.)

Like Mickey, Mandy also has a very deep capacity for emotion and affection that seems incongruous with her personality a lot of the time. Also like Mickey, nobody brought that out in her—it was always there. As much as she seemed to hope that Lip would take care of her, the process of growing closer to him led to a level of affection. I don’t particularly read their relationship as being a deep one. Both of them were using the other, to an extent, to deal with their trauma in other areas of their lives. But that sort of thing can foster a kinship, a mutual understanding that transcends time and place and even the terrible stuff that people do to one another.

So, it doesn’t work out. Mandy is hurt and does something unforgivable. She then runs from Lip, straight into what she feels is her only alternative now: an abuser. What else is there for a girl in her position? Ian was unattainable because of his sexuality, but to someone beaten down again and again, perhaps she believed he was also unattainable because he was too good a person. Lip was unattainable despite her best efforts to bridge that gap because of what he had with Karen, but to someone beaten down again and again, perhaps she believed he was also unattainable because her position in his life was to give but never to take. With Kenyatta, all she does is give. She’s embraced being beaten down because what else is there? She leaves with him, believing there’s nothing for her there.

When she finally finds her strength, far from home but hopefully under better circumstances than when she lived in Chicago, she still follows the formula that has ruled her decision-making for some time: finding a place where she can have the control over her life that was never there before, but still with the belief that what she has to offer isn’t academic or able to be built or improved upon. Ian has worked past his perception that his body was what he had to offer, that it was what would provide him with the love he was looking for. But of course, he has. He’s had Mickey to love him when he’s healthy and love him when he’s lost a bunch of weight from a depressive episode spent in bed. He’s had his family to mess up here and there but ultimately love him so much.

Mandy doesn’t have that. She didn’t then either. She got what she wanted—she got out. She even implied that that was the most important thing by telling Ian that being born on the South Side doesn’t mean that’s where they have to stay. But Ian “got out” of the spiral of abuse he unknowingly suffered and the mindset that it fostered while Mandy didn’t. This isn’t to say anything negative about sex work, of course, only the mindset that led Mandy to this point in her life. And when she leaves the house for the last time, she looks at Lip after having asked about him, and they acknowledge each other the way that people who once knew each other do.

I’ve made the joke before that to Milkoviches, Gallaghers are like catnip. It’s flippant and funny enough when we consider how many of them have dated at one point or other. I’ve also said the Milkoviches are designed as a foil to the Gallaghers, a juxtaposed image of what they could have been had their situation been altered slightly. In s10, Mickey mentions how the Gallaghers are messed up and he’s never been happier to be a Milkovich, so there’s some awareness there that these are the two notorious families of the neighborhood, albeit for different reasons. For Mandy to see that not one, but two Gallaghers are out of reach? To perhaps feel as though she’s less than even them, or made to feel that way in her interactions with Lip? It’s the ultimate slap in the face.

She trusts Ian more than anyone else in her life, to the point where she will still call him to help her hide a body long after she’s left him and their home behind. But trusting Ian led her to loving Ian, and she couldn’t have him. Trusting Ian led her to meeting Lip, and if Ian was so good and loved Lip so much, he had to be worth it too. And to her, he was. The problem was that she felt that she wasn’t.

Self-fulfilling prophecies suck: when you’re treated like garbage by a neighborhood that sees your family as garbage and repeatedly experience things that will make you feel like garbage around people with the best intentions, you’ll start believing that you are, in fact, garbage. I think what we’ve watched with Mandy is a steady decline from a place of strength in herself and weakness in her environment to an overall place of weakness that she couldn’t escape. Not with Ian and, when she realized that wouldn’t happen, not with the only real alternative she thought she could trust since she trusted Ian so deeply. 

#shameless #shameless meta #ian gallagher #mandy milkovich #abuse tw

[yngai]

one of the main reasons ada has survived this long working on her own ( outside her predisposition to manipulate people into doing her job for her, a paradoxical method of both minimising & maximising risk ) is that she essentially became her own handler / IT support .  while she necessitated such aid early on in her career, especially during her time at umbrella, a naturally precarious mission which required years of preparation on part of umbrella’s rival corporations as well as several fellow spies implanted within the company that made way for ada’s hiring an assistant researcher in the arklay laboratory .  the death of her handler by his own hand, discovered upon her arrival at their agreed meeting point at the apple inn, despite her securing a sample of the g-virus ( or scraping a tissue fragment off william birkin’s corpse depending on route or adaption ), the sudden, brief release from her dependency on his guidance + the organization during her espionage only reinforced a core aspect of her personal philosophy, that of all people in this world, the only person she can ever rely on is herself .

of course, albert wesker came to her rescue, but his gloved hand was an underhanded offer & even back then, before they would become rival agents of the organization, she knew all he saw in her was just another card in his deck, easily shuffled out when she is no longer of any use .  it was an offer she couldn’t refuse & did little to dissuade her belief in self-reliance .  it only bolstered it, truly, for when she will find herself in a situation like this again, if she even allows herself that uncertainty overcasting her life, her exit will be assured far in advance .  if albert wesker was to treat her as a stepping stone for his own ambitions, she would only do so in return & their animosity grew from that initial meeting, an impersonal video call amidst a dying city .

ada wong’s shift in persona, from a scared woman trying to survive the hell of raccoon city, grasping at straws & desperate manipulations all in the vein hope of survival, to the fully realised spy whose status within the criminal underworld was akin to legend, was a multi-step process which the organization facilitated as her success retrieving secretive data & virus samples from within umbrella’s own, most well-guarded facilities was a display of realised promise, scouted for her talents & interests by the organization just as she had earned her degree .  a strong foundation, natural talent, myriad potential careers ahead of her, an interest in the filed & a pretty face, beneath a burning determination to make something of herself .  she was the perfect candidate & eager to commit to the life of an actress without audience, a lifelong dream without the one setback that halted it early on .  she became a guarantee of completed missions of even greater importance to their goal of overthrowing their competitor’s hold on the pharmaceutical industry & the development of biological weapons of war, an entrée into a lucrative black market that would follow when umbrella’s trade secrets make their way into criminal hands .

she was an asset & fully aware of it, but left scarred & bleeding after setting two feet in hell .  weak, bruised & fearful beyond imagination, there was a purpose here which she clung tightly onto, not the organization or their goals, she held no belief in them beyond wanting to see umbrella burn, but a chance to become something greater, something better .  like the woman painted in the legends told about her, infinitely capable, deeply calculating, twirling the world on her finger .  it would come at a cost, as all such matters often do, personal & moral in equal measure .  too much of a danger for her to return home, a risk that the few people she cared for most would become a liability in her life as a spy & she would much rather they think her dead .  allying herself with the organization’s heart will paint her in colours likened to umbrella, but the rest of the world does not often consider the reputation of a dead woman & in the long run it would not matter anyway, she was not planning on sticking around .

ada agreed to pay that price in full & thus, was given further training to account for how umbrella’s evil would mutate in the coming years, taken new, far worse forms as it exchanged shadowy hands .  though the organization could only provide so much, training ada as an H.C.F. field operative with only few additions to account for her personal conduct, lacking certain skills which instrumental to her survival which she sought to teach to herself.  while there are many facets to account for in the transition between ada’s initial equipment & skill-set in resident evil 2, compared to her much different, twice kidnapped notwithstanding, effortless professionalism displayed in 4 ( i went over her physical development in a brief ramble in the tags here ), i should probably return to origin & discuss her ability as a hacker .  a talent she picked up quickly, almost second nature, coding her own malicious software, exploiting vulnerabilities within well guarded digital systems .  already quick on her feet & adaptable, fast thinking translating from perilous situations to the computer screen, ada found hacking to be akin to the act of manipulation, finding & using a vulnerability against your target .  people & their personalities were systematised within her mind, like code, their wants & desires, their history, all absorbed & accounted for to predict every future movement .  not a perfect process, her own prejudices get in the way of fully perceiving others, her cynicism resulting from a sense of helplessness & of everyone else, she will never have access to her own code .  she understands, she infers, she consumes information at a rapid pace & sometimes that is enough but she is not above making mistakes, pitfalls of her own mind & they each cost her .

during raccoon city, her closest equivalent was the EMF visualizer, introduced in the remake but a piece of tech i rather enjoy as a callback(?) to her future abilities in regards to computers while being deceptively simple & fitting for the 1998 setting .  a fairly self-explanatory, rudimentary piece of technology that detects & interacts with the electromagnetic field generated by moving currents, though it is more apt at doing so with the force created by an electric field as opposed to a magnetic one, as the former is much stronger that the latter .  it allows its user to scan & interact with circuitry by directing charges within an electric system, or short-circuiting any point along it .  while referred to as hacking in-game, it bares very little resemblance to the real deal & quite limited .  it was a portable, small-scale EMP generator that disrupts low-level electronics & can cause more complicated tech to, essentially, glitch ( thus bypassing NEST’s identification system ) .  ada used it to destroy intake fans in raccoon city’s sewers, primarily & any access to umbrella’s internal database was acquired through her position as an assistant researcher before her credentials were erased &, would there be anything above her clearance level, the ID & passwords swiped off of dr. john clemens & dr. annette birkin, respectively .  john, of course, was far more willing to part with his than annette, both because of his infatuation with ada & his plan to leak arklay’s darkest secrets to the world .

with the evolution of technology, the dawn of the information age &, i suppose, the slight discrepancy in its advancement between the ressie universe & reality ( though a lot of what we consider groundbreaking today was developed years prior for military use before going public, meaning both umbrella & the organization would have rather easy access to such advancements quite early ), ada’s only necessity in regards to cyber-security was a computer connected to whatever secure, private network she wanted to break into .  for example, a pair of smart-glasses outfitted with such that are convenient, portable & fashionable, able to discharge a non-lethal explosive, the equivalent of a stun grenade, if activated .  used to scan an encroaching environment, any digital system she wishes to interact with &, in certain instances, as the eyes & ears of anyone overseeing her mission from afar .  hardly a replacement for a proper computer, but a useful tool nonetheless & easy to discard for fear of her tampering being tracked .  as technology develops even further, ada does upgrade from bulky laptops to tablets, to phones & whatever permutations they might take in future, a weird cube .  her abilities as a hacker, tied to a fictionalised rendition of the practice for the fun of it, grow with the tech & tie directly into how she becomes her own handler .  information is a currency, after all, & before every mission ada does extensive reconnaissance on the people & places she will be tasked with visiting, sometimes relying on a web of contacts around the world formed after years of spy-work .  anything too secretive & too hidden is relegated to field discovery, as she would rather her targets not be on alert after a potential cyber-attack .  she prefers it this way, while she always steps into a new mission with an exit strategy already meticulously planned, there is fun & risk to be had in being physically present for a grand revelation & she never passes up the chance for that thrill .  after the organization succumbs to internal conflict & she sets the stage to work freelance, ada begins carrying herself through her objectives & any outside help, predominantly in regards to transport & accommodation, different missions requiring different resources, is given to her by her various employers .  a sort of guarantee, an advanced payment, if you will, though she is not above taking those in cash just as well .  using any resource at her disposal, what is provided willingly, what is not, the people she encounters throughout her life, all to ensure her success, her survival .

a fun little headcanon to end on :  between missions, ada has taken up a little side-project that blurs the line between work & leisure .  leaking sensitive information between rival companies & criminal organizations only to sit back & watch them destroy each other, or to a hungry press looking for the next big story, satiating a starving public seeking explanation for the continuous state of disarray .  gray hat hacking to pass the time, if you will .  she isn’t looking to make waves, she takes no credit for her tampering, would be poor form for a woman wrapped in mystery, & rarely strikes businesses with an international reach, where the real damage is done .  its merely a way to pull strings & watch the world spin, a performance she enjoys viewing from afar .

#* file // : OOC — ( 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑'𝐒 𝐂𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐀𝐃𝐄 . ) #* file // : 004 — ( 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 . ) #* file // : 005 — ( 𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐀 . ) #this was originally just gonna be about ada's ability to hack things but once again i go on a nightmare tangent #i feel fucking insane what even is this supposed to be #just nonsense word vomit #sorry guys i can't be helped #sad brag #etc. #😭😭😭 #ada wong is an epic girlboss

[rachelillustrates]

An Exploration of Kiliel

OKAY, fandom thoughts on my art blog because of Story Study.

My Wife and I finally watched The Hobbit movies, so I’ve finally gotten to Kiliel (..... ❤ ) and I have some headcanons/thoughts about Tauriel’s introduction to the story, the flow of their romance, and what’s important.

(So this will be part meta, part headcanon as I sort that out.)

What’s striking me right away - other than the fact that I came into these movies ALREADY shipping them and am damn pleased about it, thanks Tumblr - is that we are given.... well, bupkis on Tauriel’s motivations and backstory. And the person I’m watching these movies with, who I love very much, was quick to point out that her introduction and immediate positioning as a Romantic Female Lead could read very shallow to the casual viewer.

(Which I am not, thank the Gods.)

So, what of Tauriel’s backstory and deeper life goals? Digging into the fandom, I found notes that her parents were killed by Orcs when she was young, and that Legolas took her under his wing afterward (making him her mentor, and thus making the idea of their romance even less attractive to me, since that means he would hold even MORE sway and authority over her and there would be very little equality for her there. Also, Gimli).

But that’s it. And we’re not given that in the main plot of the movie at all.

What we are given is the information that she’s conscious of the dangers to the outside world, and wants to protect her people by stopping those dangers at the source, despite contrary orders from her King.

So what I think the movie intended, with that scene where she talks to the Elvenking about her concerns and how she immediately chooses to go after the Dwarves later - motivated primarily by the thought of saving Kili - is that Tauriel has a deeper drive to help save the whole world from the threats she sees to it. Because of what happened to her parents, because she knows the spiders are coming from outside their borders, etc. The featurette “Tauriel: Daughter of the Forest” says of her “She has a great curiosity of other races, of the world outside - she literally hasn’t been anywhere...” (mentioned in part 2, part 1 is here). So, to me, her motivations for leaving Mirkwood include that - as well as saving this Dwarf she feels an inexplicably deep bond with already.

On that note, I wish they had gone a bit deeper into her and Kili's immediate connection than what we were shown. I do appreciate how she insisted on fending for herself, in their Battle Couple introduction, and how Kili immediately accepted her for who she is - the trousers joke was, admittedly, a little uncomfortable for me due to personal reasons, but I think it could be read as him meeting her aggression in battle with aggressive flirting, and in that light, her positive response to it (in what she said to Legolas, and in returning to check on him of her own volition) makes a lot more sense to me. And while I really enjoyed and understood the Feast of Starlight scene, those less romance-genre minded than myself may not have understood that as deep "enough” (for more of the intentions of the plot in that scene and the take the actors had on it, click here. Includes a hysterical Leoglas moment at the end!). 

Rewatching it, I do see and recognize how deep their connection is and how meaningful what they choose to share of themselves is - especially with the idea of Kili honoring and respecting (nay, being attracted to) her ferocity, and the fact that most of her kin probably don't automatically respect her for such things. The sexism among the Elves is not as bad as it is with humans, but it is still there. Who knows how much Tauriel has had to fight for her place as the Captain of the Guard, being a woman. And again, it probably wasn’t as bad for her as it was for, say, Eowyn - but no matter how much space there is for women to step up and be active agents of the story in the mythology of the world, Tolkien didn’t choose to make women part of the action, actively, most of the time. So the world still reads as a mostly Men-at-War, Women-at-Home place. And that has to have had an impact on Tauriel’s life. And in addition to how charming Kili is, just as himself, the fact that he sees that part of her, respects her and admires her FOR it, must hold a lot of weight.

Another part of what I've seen, in re-immersing myself in the fandom now, has been this idea that both Kili's culture and Tauriel's culture have an idea of soulmates, the One person who, when you meet them, shakes you to your core, and you are never the same again. I really think that's what the writing was going for (see Evangeline Lily’s comments in part 2 of “Tauriel: Daughter of the Forest,” particularly), but it wasn't given the space and depth that it needed to be apparent on surface level of casual viewing. 

So, from my fangirling perspective, I imagine that they both felt that right away, but were so surprised by it - because of the unexpectedness of their circumstances, and the animosity between their peoples- that they didn't know how to handle it, and fell into awkward humor, and slightly clumsy attempts to get to know each other as they tried to sort it out.

I imagine that Tauriel's outright denial of any connection to Legolas, and immediate acceptance of his father's racism toward her in that context, was also swayed by her newfound feelings. They (Tauriel and Kili) probably did talk more, as well, about their families and their deepest dreams after the Feast of Starlight scene cut off. We just aren’t given that information.

(Anyone else for a romantic adventure Kiliel-centric mini series?)

Then of course, we are given the healing scene. What I got from this, beyond their romance, was that Tauriel always looks to be helpful. When she takes the athelas from Bofur, she looks like she’s had a revelation. She realizes she can help, she can heal Kili, and that gives her an outlet of action for all the confusing feelings she’s having. She goes right into business mode about that - and Kili, all pained and fevered, barely realizes it’s her. But when he does, he looks at her in wonder (with a fever-dream angelic view of the magic around her, even! Sidenote - I LOVE how messy her hair was. Both beauty and realistic adventure life). And she looks back at him with such serious kindness, telling him to trust her, without words. Of course, he does....only to then believe that she wasn’t there at all, and spill his heart out to this apparition of the person he already knows he loves.

And in that, he is so sure that she’s beyond his reach, even though he knows he loves her already. Even though as he talks about how she’s on another level of existence than his, his action is still to reach for her hand, still reaching for her, despite the words he’s saying. He still wants to believe it is possible - that they are possible - even as he’s trying to accept that they can never be.

Which, of course, leads into the beach scene. After the whirlwind of surviving Smaug’s attack, too (extra shoutout to the writing there, regarding Tauriel and Bard’s children - she’s aware enough to realize that Bard’s son is the only one of the three of them that might have had any sliver of training for situations like this, because human misogyny, so she uses that to protect all of them - “Your sisters will die if we stay here,” etc. - but as soon as he runs off to help his father, she still makes the girls her priority, as well as the Dwarves. Headcanoning that if Kili had survived, and they married and moved into Erebor, she would have damn well taught those girls how to fight).

Anyway, back to the beach. I think my favorite part of that moment, other than the Heart Wrenching Perfection of what Kili says to her (and how it’s acted!), is that he has realized that she wasn’t a fever dream after all - that he did, in fact, say all those potentially embarrassing romantic feely-feels things right to her actual face - and instead of being embarrassed, he just GOES for it. He is that sure. Sure enough, that even when she can’t let herself reciprocate his feelings (even though she clearly does - and she doesn't say no, btw, she is interrupted by Legolas' arrival and thusly the reminder of her duty and her 'place') he then gives her the token from his mother, to let her know she’ll always be in his heart, no matter what she decides. And he almost doesn't, he almost leaves, but turns back in the last moment, in that desperate, loving attempt to try again. No matter how impossible it seems.

MY freaking heart.

Also, when Tauriel then learns of her banishment, she looks shaken at first - but quickly, almost relieved. See here, at about 39 seconds in. She has clearly been fighting against her own heart each moment since Kili came into her life - even though, as I mentioned before, he provides a grand excuse for her to go help other people beyond Mirkwood’s borders. And now, released from the obligations she has to her people, to her King, who doesn’t fully respect her anyway, she is free to do what she could not just moments ago. She is free to choose her own path - to follow her heart, and her ambitions to help the world.

Of course, she follows Legolas first - the path of least resistance being to follow her mentor and Prince. And I get from that that she’s shut herself off from her own emotions for so long - likely due to her parent’s death, early in her life - that she really doesn’t know what to do with herself, in that freedom, and in love. So, following her nearest authority figure, giving herself a moment to breathe and decide later, seems natural.

But, luckily, that path leads right back Erebor.

And unluckily, right into the tragic ending.

But first, she confronts the Elvenking (who has banished her, and therefore freed her, though that was not his intention) about his refusal to stay and help. His concern for his own people, again, will lead to them not being there to save the lives of others suffering in the world around them. And she’s not having that - in general, even if a large part of it is her love for Kili. The script focuses only on that love - with Thranduil refusing to accept that she really loves Kili, comparing what he imagines she feels to what he felt for his late wife, it seems - but there is so much in her whole narrative that has already pointed to her desire to help the whole world, even before she lets herself start feeling for Kili. And this moment plays right into that deeper motivation.

Of course, her story being a romance, finding and protecting Kili is her first priority. And sadly, that goes, as we know, badly.

It bothers me a LOT that she “had” to be damseled in the Big Fight. BUT. We at least get the strength of their connection before she gets trampled by Bolg (and the surety of her voice when she calls for him, and the focus that hearing her, and his calling back out to her, gives him - yes. It’s subtle, but its very strong and very there). And at least they get to see each other one last time - Kili knows, no matter what happens, she chose to come after him after all.

And all the emotion, in her watching him die, and him realizing what they’ve lost even though she did choose him.....ugh. My heart, again. They are both just so clearly broken - Tauriel so confused, not able to accept that its come to this, after she chose to find him, after everything. Kili so brokenhearted that after all his hoping - after she chose him back - they still can’t be together (not to mention the fact that he’s just lost his brother, too, the only other person we see him love as intensely as her). And then, in the last moments of (this part of) the fight, when Kili is gone and Tauriel is alone again, her pain is so great, her anger so clear, her love so deep, she is willing to use her own momentum and throw herself off the tower’s edge with Bolg, just to try and make for damn sure that he pays for what he’s done.

(I will forever maintain that the fact that that didn’t kill him - that SHE didn’t get to kill him - is a travesty. Especially with his murder of Kili, but also for the gross tongue thing. Very uncomfortable with what that implied.)

I’m gonna skip over the intervention of Legolas to save her life, cause that’s not important here, suffice to say that once again I am Pissed as Hell that they felt the need to damsel her so much. Sigh. I must assume, from a writing standpoint, that they chose to nerf her in this battle because she’s never been involved in war like this - fights to protect Mirkwood, yes, but not War Battle. HOWEVER, there are ways for them to have written through that and not made her look so weak. Especially considering that she is a seasoned warrior - AND had fought Orcs before, as we saw in “The Desolation of Smaug” - and between her and Kili, who one of Thorin’s strongest warriors, they should have at least been able to do better together. Crudmuffins! That, of course, would have messed with the outcome of the source material, but who of us would really be complaining? Hmm? (Sorry Tolkien.)

Their canon story ends, of course, with Tauriel having to come to terms with her feelings and Kili’s death all at once. As as much as I spent most of the movies harshing on Thranduil (except to honor how fabulous he is, stylistically and attitude-wise, and make as many Party Elk jokes as I could), i am glad they brought him back for this scene - not only that he gave Legolas a direction away from mooning over Tauriel, but that he got to help Tauriel accept what had happened (in his own blunt way). The way he watches her here, and looks at her, I feel like he’s really seeing her and accepting her as a person and not below him for the first time. I’m also headcanoning, since we know that Tauriel was orphaned and bonded with Legolas soon after (as her mentor - and honestly, I read their relationship as more of a broship/sibling situation), I feel like she was taken under the wing of his household - not because he approved, but because it was the Right Thing and probably looked good to his people, even if he couldn’t fully accept her due to her heritage. I also feel like the fact that she asks him to take the love away from her, since it hurts so much, also points to a more parental role than he would admit. If your heart was broken, who else would you ask to take those feelings from you - at that first heartbreak - than a parent?

But of course, he can’t - all he can do is finally admit, despite his earlier insistence otherwise, that her love for Kili IS real (I feel like he might have gone through something absolutely similar with his wife’s passing - finding her falling in battle, mourning over her body). And that smashes any hope she had that she could keep denying how she feels - it passes over her face, visibly and physically, that shock that he’s admitting it, then frustrated realization that if it’s real, she can’t deny her feelings anymore and can’t close her heart to it, and then just pure pain again as she realizes what she had and the full measure of what she’s lost.

And then she kisses him, as if she’s sealing that love and acceptance - the only time, super duper heart-stabbingly tragically, that she’ll ever get to you know, according to this version of the story.

I can only hope that afterward, Tauriel chose to honor herself and Kili’s memory by continuing to help the world at large, in her exile. And that she surprise and “oh shit”-ness of Thranduil’s expression upon realizing that an Elf could truly love a Dwarf means that he will be kinder to Legolas when he brings Gimli home.

Now, as far as the runestone goes, I initially wanted to believe that Tauriel would take it back after she gave it back to Kili in death, maybe to return it to his mother on a well-intentioned trip to meet her, to give them both closure. However, upon learning about what’s specifically written ON the stone, I have a different thought - Middle Earth News points out here that the runes on it translate to “Return to me.” Obviously, at its creation and initial giving, that was about Kili’s mother bidding her reckless son to come home safe. But when Kili gave the stone to Tauriel on the beach, he made it theirs as well. He bid Tauriel to return to him by giving it to her. And so now, in returning it to him upon his death, Tauriel bids Kili in turn to return to her, death be damned.

So while at first glance, that returning of the runestone may look like Tauriel denying her feelings again, its really a further, even more solid gesture of that acceptance. And honestly, to me, an expression of hope.

And I feel like hope is what really strikes me, about this ship. They have SO much potential, not only in how little we’ve been given of them in canon, but the potential they see in each other in those brief moments where they obviously imagine what their lives could be like, if they could be. One of my favorite shows says, early in its story, “Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a powerful thing.” And that is exactly what I see in them, and why they strike me as so wonderful. They are hope, and the belief in love despite all odds against them, despite all the darkness around them.

And no matter how shakily that might appear to be set up, that is gorgeous, at its heart and root.

And if you got this far in all my scattered ramblings, thank you!

(The art above is my own, btw. For more of my own star-crossed inter-fantasy-racial height-difference queer fae, click here 💕 )

~~~

Patreon ~ Etsy ~ Ko-fi

#kiliel #meta #hobbit headcanons #the hobbit #romance #fanart #fanart friday #fangirling #lotr #lotr fanart #legolas x gimli #legoli #kili #tauriel #tauriel x kili

[bethd0456]

hellooo lovely! i loved reading your response to my last ask - apparently tumblr is messing up my asks bc a lot of them haven’t been going through :( but let’s hope this one does! i’ve been seeing that you watch cherry magic, and it’s one of my favourite shows at the moment!! 💘 who’s your favourite character? mine is kurosawa personally, i relate so much to him and his gayness. also udon chan, the cutest little cat! what did you think of the last ep, wasn’t it so cute!!! (1/2)

i hope you’re doing well!!! i also wanted to ask what your favourite shows and ships are! i already have a vague idea formulating just by browsing through your blog and over our shared love of cherry magic, but i’d looove to hear your thoughts and your favourites!! wishing you the bestest day! 💘 - your secret santa (2/2)

Hiiiii!!!! I hope life is treating you well!

Omg I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it! I hope you're ready for this MASSIVE answer and you don't get too bored reading this one!

CHERRY MAGIC!!!!!! It instantly became a comfort show for me, as it did for many others!

ADACHIADACHIADACHIADACHI. Adachi is 100% my fave. I never fully understood what a comfort character was. I was like, "yeah! I love Tine also!" But. Adachi is the definition of comfort for me. I see so much of myself in him! Everyone sees him and is like "babie. Must protecc." And honestly? Me too. How can one character be so damn CUTE??!?!? One of my favourite moments is him seeing Kurosawa after the almost-kiss. He just like, sees him, and gets so panicked 🥺 the way his arms just flail about makes me smile like an idiot.

But like, on a deeper level, this drama makes me believe I'm worthy of love. The idea that someone like Kurosawa could be THAT infatuated with you, even though you're an awkward virgin lmao. The point of watching these dramas is to get lost in a story, right? See a situation you want so badly but you know will never realistically happen? The entire premise of the show is just really enticing to me. I am Adachi, Adachi is me. Also, the thing he said in ep6 about not having a clear dream in life? Yeah. I felt that. I'm so envious of people who have passions they work so hard for, it gives them a form of purpose. Like Adachi, sometimes I feel like I'm living in a "daze". I feel like I don't really have any specific passions or skills that I want to develop into a career. Sometimes I just wish I had ambition. Adachi makes me feel so seen and like I'm not the only person who feels like this. The kinds of characters that usually make good protagonists are characters with a clear goal/passion. In most shows this obviously really works, but I can never relate to them personally. It's really special for me to see a character who's similar to me in this way.

Kurosawa is such an amazing character too!!!!! His gay little heart 🥺 on another level, he's just so?? Respectful??? 7. YEARS. 7 years of pining and he holds himself back so well!! He's been waiting for this relationship for so long but is so patient, willing to take things slowly for Adachi. He flirts shamelessly (as he should) but never to the point where Adachi was too uncomfortable.

He cares so much about Adachi :(. But also, even before he liked Adachi, he could tell he was uncomfortable with the drinking thing, so he DOWNED the wine lmao. Clearly he's just a lovely person all round who's really socially aware.

As for other characters:

• Udon my baby!!!! The cutest cat ever!! I love animals sm :(((

• Tsuge's chaotic energy is iconic

• Minato a lovely little dance machine :))

• Rokaku deserves the world, my excitable kiss interruptor :(((

• Fujisaki my love! She's so soft and cute!! Also ace coded how iconic

I ADORED ep8!!! I LIVE for established Adasawa! Adachi coming out to Tsuge :((( I'm so proud of Adachi coming to terms with his feelings and being confident enough to share his relationship with his closest friend. Coming out is not easy and he did so well 🥺

Adachi and Tsuge are so useless bless them 😂 Kurosawa really said "well I guess I have to take these two socially awkward disasters under my wing." Adachi and Tsuge are such a chaotic duo, I love that they can communicate just by touching each other, and omg when Kurosawa said his name Tsuge was "wait maybe I know everything about you already" and if that isn't friendship idk what is

Also Kurosawa making up a poem in his head about Adachi???? Peak romance. Also iconic. I'M A SUCKER FOR HAND HOLDING SCENES SO I DIED. "I like him. I like him. I like him!!" HOW CUTE CAN YOU GET FJKHDSHSKSK

I also got another arm flailing moment when Kurosawa almost got the wrong idea about Adachi and Tsuge!! CAN ADACHI STOP BEING SO CUTE MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT. How on earth his boyfriend is still alive I have no idea.

There are so many other shows and ships I love. I feel like I'll probably miss some, but here we go. These aren't rankings at all, just like, lists lol.

Show list:

1. 2gether

This show means so much to me. It was the first time I watched a bl week by week and it made it so much more special?? I valued scenes so much more than when I binge shows and they would like, look at each other and I'd have a heart attack. They made the first part of my quarantine bearable bc I always had something to look forward to every Friday. I actually really enjoyed quarantine overall as an introvert (not to be insensitive about the literal deaths the pandemic has caused), but I really enjoyed constantly thinking about how long it was until Friday. I'm massively emotionally attached to all of the characters in this show you have no idea. Every single one. The found family of it all,, the way all of the characters have relationships. Still2gether did a phenomenal job of showcasing all of the unexpected but very welcome dynamics and relationships, platonic and romantic alike. I could blabber about this show for so long I'll spare u for now

2. YYY

Is it well written? No. Did I enjoy it anyway?? You know it! I told you how much I love the found family trope. UGH. THIS FAMILY. Also, seeing the feminine side of the LGBT+ community represented positively warmed my heart. There needs to be more bls that do that! Celebrate femininity!! There's nothing wrong with being camp as fuck! It's so much fun!!! This show made me so happy :))

3. Start up

I'm currently obsessed. It's my first Kdrama and holy shit this is what the hype is about. The budget!! The acting! Top notch. On a sad note I really wish bls got that much funding behind them. My heart aches for a complicated story with fully developed characters and plotlines, that just happens to have a gay main couple/character. Wishful thinking for now at least. Anyways, I'm massively emotionally attached to Halmeoni and Jipyeong. Team Jipyeong all the way (even tho Dalmi's obviously gonna end up with Dosan, and I'm happy for them!). All I need is a happy ending for my darling Jipyeong. Please give him one. Also, if anything happens to Halmeoni I will WEEP.

4. Cherry magic is obviously here but I've ranted about that enough already 😂

5. 3 will be free

I would never have expected gmm to make a series like this! But they went and did THAT. Wild. It was such a healthy representation of a poly relationship. The themes of feminism were so well handled and powerful, the chemistry was off the CHARTS, I was hooked from start to finish! Time for a rewatch? I think so.

6. Feel good

Not an Asian drama, but still gay as FUCK. It's written by my wife Mae Martin who also stars in it, and I have to say, it blew me away. Story time!! My friend irl recommended it to me without saying it was Mae, so I was like "okay sure I'll put it on my to watch list I guess" without much motivation to watch it. But as soon as I found out it was Mae I watched it and I've never looked back lol. Once I finished I sent my friend a splurge of messages about my feelings. The series touches on issues like addiction, sexuality and gender. "I'm not a boy. I'm not even a girl. I'm like a failed version of both." That shit HURT.

There's a scene near the end which has really stayed with me. So Mae's character is a comedian and she does a set making jokes about the stuff that happened in the series and oh my GOD. The way I CRIED. It made me realise that people who make jokes about their experiences are using humour as a coping mechanism and when people say "Haha I have daddy issues isn't it funny" we have to remember to be respectful. It's never okay to make jokes about someone else's trauma. Don't make a big deal of it but just don't be a dick.

Anyways I could go on but would 100% recommend this series!

7. HIStory 2 crossing the line

My first bl! This series is the reason I'm so obsessed with bl lmao. The main couple are so soft :( this little series will always hold a special place in my heart!

8. Sotus

My first gmm series, we've come a long way. I miss Kong and Arthit :(

9. Dark blue kiss

Such a brilliant series. I trust P'Aof (director) with my life. This series touches on issues that are so important and deserve to be talked about so much more in bls. This is what happens when you let LGBT people tell LGBT stories! They do it with such care and love!! One of my favourite lines is "I may like men, but I'll never like your brother." One of my biggest let peeves is "I don't like men, I only like x." Like, I get the business behind it, they don't want to make the character gay to make them available for girls to fantasise about. Which is disgusting. But Mork really said "no. ❤" and I LOVE IT.

10. The shipper

I could go on and on about how underrated I think this series is. This series took over from 2gether on Fridays, and while I didn't think about this series constantly like I did with 2gether, this series made my quarantine brighter. Fridays meant I was gonna laugh at least once and forget about life just for a short while. The humour in this series is so fucking dumb lmao, but I'm here for it.

I've seen people talk about the shipper as a bl but I disagree. I think it's better described as a series with bl aspects. The main themes are friendship, family, dealing with loss, respecting boundaries of people you admire, and one of the main messages is about making sure the people close to you know how much they mean to you. Don't get me wrong, the majority of the series is over the top humour, but by the end of it I was personally really attached to the characters and their feelings. Overall I really enjoyed this series but I don't see anyone properly talk about it :(

11. Gaya sa pelikula

A series made by gay people for gay people. Shows like this are so important. This show really healed my soul with how brilliant the representation was :(( "remember we talked about microagressions" the way that means Vlad is constantly educating Karl about LGBT stuff, UGH. SO GOOD. Also this show has the most realistic representation of a crush I've ever seen lmao, soft Vlad is the best Vlad.

12. My engineer

My happy little Saturday show :( I miss the shit writing, shit acting and soft story of this series so much. I'm so fond of this series, I watched it after the horrible ep12 of 2gether and it really made me happy. I'm looking forward to season 2, but Ramking's novel goes DOWNHILL from here on. I know tricreation wouldn't allow the final chapter's scenes, but the entire story is so problematic and unenjoyable :(. The only valid scene is King's coming out scene but that's literally it. And the collar scene can stay lmao.

13. Oxygen

Another soft saturday series! I love this series so much, all of the couples are so bloody healthy and it makes me so happy. The communication is amazing!! THIS is how you show healthy relationships!!!

14. The gifted

S1 was so amazing!! I loved all of it! The only part of s2 we'll talk about is timegracethird. Time best boy!! Grace a feminist queen! When future Grace said they would be friends for a long time that made me so happy :(( also pangwave canon

15. Until we meet again

So I talked about the healthy relationships in oxygen. But uwma really showed the healthiest relationship ever. DeanPharm are just the softest little humans :( I would die for Pharm. He's the closest I got to a comfort character before Adachi. I just have to PROTECT HIM. My motherly instincts really kick in when I see him lmao.

The storyline of this series is just breathtaking. And the ending? I don't think I've ever cried that much. At all. It was so fucking beautiful 🥺

16. My gear and your gown

I really liked this show! Honestly I don't think I'll ever rewatch it but I definitely enjoyed it. The way Pai just seemed to breathe freely for the first time when his parents accepted his sexuality :(((( my baby :( also purefolk were brilliant

Ship list:

1. Saratine

These two are the definition of romance. They mean the fucking world to me. The fact that their story is apparently gonna be continued in some form makes me so. So. Happy. I cannot begin to describe it. My bet is on a special episode and ugh I'm so EXCITED.

2. Aini

Thonhonchonlatee in general is enjoyable but I don't like Thon at all. It's such a shame bc I was so excited for Khaotung and Podd to be in a series together :((. BUT. Aini have grabbed my heart. I knew they would bc miketap are brilliant, but wow. They're so gay my little babies :( miketap are just so natural and comfortable to watch. I love their chemistry so muuuuuuch

3. Sunmork

Coffee boyfriends :( I miss them so bloody much

4. Ramking

One of my fave ships. As I mentioned, I'm apprehensive about s2, but s1 ramking is such a beautiful story. It's just about 2 boys falling in love, no complications. Plant boy who's afraid of dogs falls in love with quiet boy who loves dogs but is afraid of children. Iconic. Also chemistry outsold, I THINK ABOUT THE KISS CONSTANTLY. When I mentioned the acting is shit in this series (shit is harsh, I mean awkward), I did not mean Perth and Lay in the slightest. They really nailed their roles and I loved it.

5. Professor Layton x Claire

You 100% won't get this reference but I grew up with the Professor Layton games and holy shit do they hold up. They're so amazingly written with beautiful stories and the most lovable characters in the world. Layton's intellect, loving nature and surprising athleticism are admirable. Adachi is the character I relate to most, but if I was gonna choose a character to comfort me irl, Layton's your man. His voice is so comforting by nature. I'm blabbering at this point but the point is him and Claire are the only het pairing that matters.

These are just the ships that I felt should be separate from their shows. I love all of the ships from the shows I mentioned.

Oof this got horrifically long, I haven't had a proper chance to rant about most of these shows so I really let it out lol. I hope you've watched at least some of these shows and I didn't just rant to u about 12 shows you've never heard of 😂

I hope you have a wonderful day love!!!!

#secretsanta'20

[carewyncromwell]

[Carewyn and Merula headed to the Great Hall together, settling down across from each other near the center of the Slytherin table. Carewyn actually hadn’t actively decided to sit with Merula -- she’d been moving a bit on autopilot, as her mind was still stuck back in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.]

I can’t trust Rakepick. Jacob said in his notebook that he felt like she was using him for her own goals, which is exactly how I’ve always felt too. That can’t be a coincidence. It’s not that I don’t think Bill or Merula are dumb to trust Rakepick, but...but I just don’t understand how they...

[Her eyes narrowed slightly on the sandwich on her plate.]

It must just be because Jacob and I are Legilimens and we can sense Rakepick’s hiding something. But whatever she’s hiding, there’s no way I could reach it, even with Legilimency. 

[Her jaw clenched.]

But even if I don’t know what she’s thinking for sure, I do know she’s shady, arrogant, selfish, spiteful, and cruel. I don’t need to know anything more than that. And if Rakepick does ends up trying to take the glory for breaking the Vaults’ curses like I suspect -- fine. I don’t give a damn about glory or attention. I just want Jacob.

[Carewyn was once again brought out of her thoughts by Merula speaking to her.]

[Carewyn blinked.]

Yeah -- it is a little strange.

[As she considered Merula, however, Carewyn’s blue eyes grew a little smaller as she thought of something.

Merula had mentioned her parents, back in Rakepick’s classroom. It had startled Carewyn at the time, but...now she found herself a bit curious, despite herself.]

[Merula’s face immediately devolved into a scowl.]

Merula: “What do you want from me now, Cromwell? I already thanked you for preparing me for the vault.”

“I know. And I appreciate it -- I mean, I know expressing gratitude isn’t exactly easy for you.”

[Carewyn settled her arms down on the table in front of her, leaning forward slightly to get comfortable.]

“...I just realized...back upstairs, when you told me your parents taught you the Killing Curse? I think it might be one of the only times you’ve ever said anything about your parents...besides saying that your mum was in the Frog Choir, but you said that was a lie.”

[Carewyn gave Merula a rather piercing look. She’d suspected from the start that the only lie in that whole scenario was Merula saying what she’d said was a lie -- and Merula’s uncomfortable expression confirmed her suspicion.]

Merula: “...Okay, that was true. I just didn’t want to act like I owed you anything. I mean, I know you only did it because you felt sorry for me...”

“Actually, that’s not why I did it.”

[Carewyn crossed her arms still resting on the table.]

“When you told me how much you wanted to be in the Frog Choir...I didn’t really know how to feel. I wished you luck and I meant it, but...that doesn’t mean I would’ve been okay with it if I’d lost. I know you would’ve never given up your spot to me, if our places were switched -- and I knew I’d feel really upset if I didn’t make it, too.”

Merula: “Because of Tulip?”

“Because of me. You think you’re the only person whose mum was in the Frog Choir?”

[Merula blinked in surprise.]

Merula: “...Really?”

“Yeah. Mum, Jacob, and I all love to sing.”

It never felt like Christmas, unless we were all able to sing Christmas songs at home together...

[The memory of singing with Jacob and her mother was an arrow in Carewyn’s heart and she forcefully shoved it away, her voice becoming franker again as her eyes drifted off toward the ceiling.]

“...It was actually my mum who suggested I give you my place, if I won. I’d written her a letter about it, and I’d said how angry and upset you’d probably be, if you didn’t make it. I’d said that I wished there didn’t have to be a choice, because...well...it just didn’t seem fair. Even though we’ve never gotten on, talent should be rewarded. It shouldn’t have to be a contest. And it had been kind of neat, when we sang at the Burrow, that one Christmas. Weird as all get-out, mind you...but kind of neat.”

[She swept her ponytail lackadaisically over her shoulder with a cool, dismissive smile.]

“...And really, I didn’t have the time to devote to the Frog Choir anyway, around the Cursed Vaults. I can always try out again next year, after I’ve found Jacob.”

[It felt really weird telling Merula all this, but Carewyn had to admit, it kind of felt nice to get it off her chest. Fortunately nothing she’d said had been too revealing -- it wasn’t like she’d admitted how much it had hurt to give up her spot or how much she’d resented both the Vaults and Jacob in that horrible moment...

Merula stared at Carewyn for a long moment, examining her face critically.]

Merula: “I can’t believe I’m saying this, Cromwell, but...you really aren’t as perfect as you act.”

[Carewyn frowned in confusion.]

“Excuse me?”

Merula: “I mean it as a compliment. You have any idea how frustrating it is, constantly being in your shadow? Snape even picked you as Prefect over me, and he’s disliked you as long as I have!”

[Carewyn smiled wryly.]

“I reckon he still does: I’ve just developed more respect for him is all.”

He did teach me Legilimency and Occlumency, after all.

[Merula slouched slightly against the table too.]

Merula: “My point is you’re easy to hate. Even with how much trouble your brother caused, and how much trouble you get in, everyone still adores you. You still get top grades, you still have a bunch of friends, and you’re this big hero for breaking into the Cursed Vaults...”

[Merula’s eyes narrowed.]

Merula: “...But...you said, during our O.W.L.s, that you don’t want to be a Cursebreaker. You said you just wanted to find your brother...so, if I’m understanding this right...you’ve done all this stuff, been in all this trouble, and gotten all this attention...all for him?”

[Carewyn’s response was immediate, direct, and unabashed.]

“Yes.”

It’s not like I could live with myself if I abandoned Jacob...and besides...what value would any of my dreams have, without Jacob there to see them?

[Merula and Carewyn held eye contact for a long moment. Finally Merula broke off, her gaze drifting down to her plate.]

Merula: “...Your brother must really be something, for you to do all that for him.”

[Carewyn shrugged, her eyes drifting away offhandedly too.]

“He’s family. Families looks out for each other.”

Mum and Jacob are all I have -- we’re all that he has. If we’re not there for him, who will be...?

[Merula’s shoulders slumped as she frowned thoughtfully.]

Merula: “Mm...suppose so.”

[Spotting the opportunity to swing back to what she’d originally wanted to know, Carewyn cautiously set the stage.]

“Doesn’t your family look out for you? I know your parents are in Azkaban...but I reckon you still visit them, right?”

Merula: “Not really. They’re not like your mum, up for dispensing advice and stuff.”

[Her pink eyes darkened.]

Merula: “...They’re not really nice people in general.”

Sounds like what Mum’s said about her parents...

[Carewyn brought a hand up to her neck so she could lean forward slightly.]

“I’m sorry. Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

I mean, Jacob was more of a father to me that my dad ever was, really.

Merula: “No, it was just me -- but even I was too much for my parents. Mum and Dad were ambitious followers, you see. I was in their way.”

[Carewyn glanced down at the table. She’d felt uncomfortable with meeting Merula’s eye throughout a lot of this conversation. As much as she hated to admit it, Carewyn didn’t like feeling sorry for Merula -- but she sure as hell wasn’t going to project her discomfort with the situation, so she kept her voice as understanding and laid-back as she could.]

“Well, you know I don’t think ambition is a bad thing. We’re both in Slytherin, after all.”

Merula: “What about when it’s an ambition to reach new levels of cruelty...?”

[The softness of Merula’s voice surprised Carewyn. She looked up at her old rival, her lips coming together tightly.]

“Is that really what you want? I thought you wanted to be the ‘Most Powerful Witch at Hogwarts.’“

Merula: “Of course I do.”

[Carewyn stared at Merula, dumbfounded. Was she actually acknowledging it? After all these years of bullying and tearing people down...was Merula actually showing remorse?

Even though Carewyn had been willing to work with Merula in order to get what she wanted, she had never once considered Merula a friend, and she knew she never could or would. There was just way too much baggage between them, and -- Carewyn thought -- Merula was nasty enough of a person that she wouldn’t know how to be a friend, even if she tried. Carewyn wasn’t the sort to believe that a cheetah could change its spots -- Merula had been a bully, and she’d always be a bully.]

But...

[Barnaby’s smiling face rippled over Carewyn’s mind, and she faltered.

Barnaby had once been part of Merula’s posse, just like Ismelda. Even though Carewyn’s heart had not warmed that much to Ismelda even after getting to know her better, Carewyn had been completely sideswiped by Barnaby. Someone who she’d initially judged as being as violent and stupid as a troll -- after losing a Wizard’s duel and agreeing to help her -- had revealed himself to be noble, brave, sensitive, and unbelievably gentle. And before long, this guy who she’d compared to a troll had become one of her closest friends.

Barnaby had changed -- like a Beast from a fairy tale turning into a handsome prince.

Carewyn found herself at a loss. Hating how much the silence had dragged, she adjusted her arms on the table again, interlocking the fingers of her hands as they rested over her mouth.]

“...Mum’s always believed people can change.”

[Merula gave a loud, disbelieving sniff.]

Merula: “My parents couldn’t change -- that’s why they’re in Azkaban.”

“How old were you when they went to prison?”

Merula: “Ten and a half. You know, when you’re a little kid, that ‘half’ seems so important...”

[Carewyn bowed her head in something of a nod.]

I was eight and a half, when Jacob went missing...

“So do you live with your grandparents now? Or an uncle or aunt?”

Merula: “I don’t live with anyone.”

“What? But...who takes care of you?”

Merula: “You think I can’t take care of myself, Cromwell? Your brother’s missing and you get on just fine.”

“Of course I do, but I’ve still got Mum at home. You don’t have any adults there at all?”

“She just -- pops in? She doesn’t live with you?”

[A odd misty gleam floated over Merula’s pink eyes.]

Merula: “Victims of my parents -- of other Death Eaters -- they know the name ‘Snyde.’  They know where we live. They watch me and they judge. Some leave threatening notes at the house. I barely go out -- I can’t blame my aunt for not wanting to be around. She has her own life.”

[Carewyn’s eyebrows knit together over her eyes.]

“Even if she does, that’s no excuse.”

Mum wasn’t always home, but that was because she had to raise Jacob and me on her own and she had to make money to support us -- she was still there as much as she could, and Jacob and I still had each other --

[One of her mother’s stories about growing up with her awful parents and siblings rippled over Carewyn’s mind, as did something she’d said after finishing it.]

“...In a family -- a real family...you should never be alone. You should never feel lonely...not even when you’re by yourself. And if you don’t have that, where you are...sometimes you just have to go out and find it for yourself.”

[Merula raised an eyebrow.]

Merula: “Is that from your mum too, or did you just come up with that off the cuff?”

[Carewyn gave her a cynical look.]

“My mum did say that once, yes.”

Merula: “Hm. Your mum sounds like an interesting person, Cromwell.”

“Oh? I’m surprised you’d say that to me -- aren’t I supposed to be your worst enemy or something?”

Merula: “At the very least, perhaps now you understand why I am the way I am.”

[Carewyn’s eyes narrowed slightly as she considered Merula again.]

You push people away because you’ve always been held at arm’s length and mistrusted. You’re a sore winner and loser because your family’s reputation makes it so you have a lot to prove. You’re a bully because your parents projected strength through violence and loyalty to You-Know-Who. You’re difficult to talk to because you didn’t have much of anyone your age around. You’re cruel because your family only gives you the bare minimum and nothing else.

“...Yes. Yes, I think I do understand.”

It’s not enough to excuse how nasty you can be, Merula...but it does explain it. And I don’t know...but knowing that you have anything good in you -- no matter how terrible you are sometimes -- that’s...that’s important.

[Carewyn felt herself smiling slightly despite herself.]

“...I admit, Merula...I’ve never really been the sort to think that people can change. But then Barnaby came along, and...wow -- I’ve never been more glad to be wrong in my life.”

[Her heart warmed at the thought of her friend.]

“Maybe your parents can’t change -- but I truly don’t think that has to define you.”

I mean, Mum’s family hated Muggles, and she broke free of them.

[Merula’s lips spread into a softer smile.]

Merula: “Thanks...I’m starting to think so too. It’s all Rakepick -- her choosing me as an apprentice cursebreaker...seeing in me what I want to see in me...it’s made a real difference.”

[The reminder of Rakepick left a sour taste in Carewyn’s mouth, but she forced herself to keep smiling, even if it was just a little.]

“I understand what that can mean -- someone seeing greatness in you.”

I just wish you’d found someone else to see something in you -- anyone else...

“I know we’ve had our differences, and I know we always will -- but breaking the curse on the Portrait Vault...that’s more important than any of that, so...”

[And for the first time in their lives, Carewyn and Merula were in complete agreement.]

(OOC: AUUUUGH, why must Merula’s arc slide so far backwards after this in year 6?! I love me some good character development! ._.

I’ll say it once and I’ll say it again -- Merula and Carewyn will likely never be friends. But I do like them pretty well as frenemies.

Now forgive me, but I must be off to putter away at the classes before starting the plot of chapter 30 and cry my eyes out a bit. I’m not reaaaaadyyyyyyyy...!!)

#carewyn cromwell #jacob's sibling #hphm #hogwarts mystery #merula snyde #patricia rakepick #lane cromwell #jacob cromwell #jacob #barnaby lee #ismelda murk #roleplaying #gameplay

[thebiasrekkers]

Make It Right [BTS Mafia!AU]

Plot: “It’s always darkest before the dawn…” It’s a dog-eat-dog world in Seoul, South Korea. One has to dwell in the shadows in order to reach for the light. What are you willing to sacrifice in order to feel the sunlight on your face? What will it take to drag you back into darkness? How long will the journey be to make it right?

Rating: NC-17 // NSFW

Genre: Series | Mafia!AU | Crime!AU | Angst | Romance/Fluff

Pairings: Jin x OC | Taehyung/Hoseok x OC | Yoongi/Jungkook x OC

Warnings: Graphic Violence, Heavy Language, Angst, Slow Burn, Smut

Previous Chapters: Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

Links: FAQ || BTS Masterlist || Admin E’s AO3 || Admin E’s WP || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

Word Count: 2,327

Chapter 24: Moving On

“Back then I thought this was a big place. But my ambition grew too big.”

© thebiasrekkers (Admin E). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.

Seoul – Hannam; Yongsan District South Korea

There were things in this life that some people just did not deserve. There were some things in life that they did. Everyone deserved love, life, and the pursuit of happiness. Everyone didn't deserve to be treated like the slop of swine and kicked to the curb like yesterday's garbage. People deserved to be treated the way that they want to be treated. They didn't deserve to have their most cherished possessions taken from them. Everyone was allowed to have at least one miracle in their life. No one deserved to have said miracle denied them.

Namjoon sighed, thinking back on all the things that the Golden Jackals suffered through, as well as accomplished. It was nothing to spit at, that was for sure. A lot was done in a seemingly short amount of time. They were finally getting to a head with all their hard work. Sacrifices had been made, bounties were gained, and dreams were soon to be obtained.

Finally, it was all going to come to a fruitful end.

The quietude of the office brought solace to Namjoon’s heart. Nothing pleased him more than to be surrounded by books, especially those telling bold tales of far off worlds – places he could only dream about. It was a shame, really, what limitations the human mind was succumbing to, as well as what lengths society was willing to go in order to snuff out the beauty of something so mystifying as magic, science fiction; as any form of literary art, really.

Beside him were four thick textbooks concerning various histories in several different eras of socioeconomic growth from many regions, not just Korea. In fact, he’d managed to secure one book regarding the Military-Industrial Complex of America. While he had no interest in being a lobbyist or securing funds through militant means, Namjoon knew there was probably a way to formulate a plan in the corporate aspect to help further their goals. As well as foresee any pitfalls that were sure to crop up at any point during their transition into legality.

History of any kind, real and fantasy alike, were realms in which Namjoon liked to dabble and explore of his own volition. Nothing brought him more pleasure than studying the past, because studying the past meant correcting current mistakes, as well as preventing future ones from occurring altogether.

Because predictably, history had a way of repeating itself. Namjoon wasn’t about to let that happen anytime soon.

Namjoon set his pen down with a satisfied smirk, pleased with the stack of completed paperwork he’d just fought his way through. The end of their arduous road was fast approaching. Tensions were high for the last few days, but it was necessary. Things needed to be put into perspective and while it hurt to have it thrown in their faces in such a way, he knew that Jungkook was right. They all did. They hadn’t thought that far ahead in advance, so focused on the finish line and not the aftermath that would ensue had they not properly gotten things lined up like they needed to.

His phone buzzed and rang with life beside him, causing him to jump slightly. He saw it was Seokjin and answered.

“Hello?”

“Ah, Namjoon-ah?”

“Yeah?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m on my way back now.”

“See you downstairs. The others just got back home.”

Namjoon hung up the phone and gathered up all his notebooks and folders, exiting his room and making his way downstairs. He’d barely made it to the main floor of their house when he saw Jungkook appearing from the basement area. He saw him drying his wet hair with a towel, presumably finishing his workout and showered. When he remembered how Jungkook looked after Yoongi brought him home a few days ago, it was clear that Jungkook would always be the type to bounce back from any injury like it was nothing.

From shaky legs to solid jabs. The recovery level of that boy was astonishing.

“Hyung?”

Namjoon blinked, looking at Jungkook as he stared at him with a slightly perplexed look on his face. “Huh?”

“Is everything alright?” Jungkook draped the towel across his neck. “You look like you want to tell me something.”

He grinned, shaking his head. “No, it’s nothing.” He reached his hand out to clap Jungkook on the shoulder. “You’ve really become a man these last few years, Jungkook-ah.”

The younger man blinked, then shyly scratched at the side of his nose. “…Hyung, cut it out.”

Namjoon wrapped his arm around Jungkook’s shoulder just as the others started filing into the main living room. There was a platter of fruit set out in the middle of the table and Jimin was getting ready to uncork a bottle of champagne. Taehyung was about to tell him to be careful just as he popped the cork, Seokjin already grabbing a champagne flute to catch whatever alcohol managed to spill from the mouth of the bottle.

Seokjin handed everyone glasses and they all waited until Hoseok held his hand up to present a toast.

“We’ve finally done it, my brothers,” he said, giving a wistful smile, “it took us a long time to get here, but we’ve made it.” Hoseok shifted his gaze to Jungkook, his brows furrowing slightly. “Forgive your Hyung, Jungkook-ah, for neglecting those who were willing to sacrifice everything for our dreams. They have dreams too and I shouldn’t have forgotten about that.”

Jungkook bit his lower lip, averting his gaze from Hoseok as his arm holding the glass lowered slightly.

Hoseok looked at Namjoon. “Did you get it all squared away?”

He nodded, holding up the notebooks and folders in one hand so that everyone could see. “I made sure that every single one of our Jackals will have job security in our new businesses, and those that want to simply take their earnings and return home to their families can do so. If any of them want to start their own business ventures, I made sure that they could get in contact with us for any assistance.”

Namjoon saw Jungkook lift his head up, looking between Hoseok and then himself, until finally his eyes settled on Hoseok. “H-Hoseok Hyung…”

“We’ve made it. It’s time we shared the wealth.” He raised his glass and everyone else followed suit. “To leaving the dirty and dark road behind!”

They all clinked their glasses, smiles on their faces. It was the first time in years they could all smile in relief. A heavy weight was thrown off their shoulders – a proverbial mountain they’d been lugging around all this time.

Three Months Later Seoul – Hannam; Yongsan District South Korea

There was a throng of reporters and curious pedestrians that gathered around in front of the large building in Yongsan’s central district. Flashbulbs exploded from cameras, several corporate board members standing on the other side of a large red ribbon made of silk. Namjoon and Seokjin stood on either side of Hoseok as he held a large pair of scissors in his hands. Everyone held their breaths in excitement, waiting for the moment when the shears would cut through the delicate fabric.

And then Hoseok’s arms moved, the snip sound almost lost in the seemingly endless chorus of shutters from cameras as they continued snapping photos.

It was a way to usher in the New Year.

That was what Seokjin suggested, pushing back the unveiling of their greatest achievement. Golden Star Tower Hotel was their crowning success and it deserved every single aspect of respect regarding its perfection. Namjoon hesitated at first, not sure whether it was a good idea to push the unveiling back. In the end, Seokjin’s eye for reading the market never failed them. Waiting until the holiday aftermath trickled down was smart. While everyone focused on families, festivals, and all the holiday push and pull, the focus on their hotel would have been lost.

Everyone cheered, the press rushing in to ask Hoseok questions, to which he readily answered. He’d been grooming himself for this for years now and all their preparation was starting to bear fruit.

The rumble of the Underworld was but a soft vibration under their feet. They no longer had to concern themselves with keeping their ears to the ground. The Golden Jackals were no more. What the criminal society decided to do with that information no longer concerned them. It was a fight they would no longer be a part of.

Nevertheless, Namjoon kept a keen ear out in case trouble decided to stir in the wake of their absence. Trouble that would, in a sense, try to drag them back into the darkness. He wouldn’t hear of it. Not when they were finally starting to feel the sun on their faces.

There was talk, of course, and repercussions for their actions. It came with the territory. Tabloids spread rumors that their money was dirty, and they were attempting to erase their dark pasts. Hoseok answered these accusations with the professionalism and charisma of a foreign dignitary. He didn’t hesitate with his responses and this threw the press for a loop. Within a few short weeks, the negative articles that were written about Hoseok and his gang of Golden Jackals were a thing of the past.

Every step that was taken was a step they were prepared to take. More than prepared.

Namjoon and Yoongi would help Hoseok with the hotel management – both regarding foreign and domestic visitors, as well as financial structuring. Seokjin handled the Golden Star investment firm with Jimin. Gaining Anastasia as a financial advisor had been paramount in tying up loose ends – finalizing their last few steps into legality and away from the criminal underworld. Seokjin sang her praises, as was customary with someone whose skills he valued. There were whispers that he and Anastasia were getting a little too close, according to Jimin, but it wasn’t something that anyone in the group really needed to worry about. Both Seokjin and Anastasia were professionals and kept their personal lives as far away from their business personas as much as possible.

Taehyung and Jungkook handled things regarding the entertainment aspect of things. While they sold a good portion of their nightclubs, the Golden Star label, while small, would focus on up and coming artists who thrived in the Indie Underground. With technology advancing as rapidly as it was, it was no secret that there were young and talented artists all over the country. And not just in music, but in theatre and art as well. Some were starving artists, wanting to hone their skills at the sacrifice of having to live on the streets.

Jungkook was particularly empathetic toward these cases, personally reaching out to help them achieve their dreams – one step at a time.

As they led the press inside to give everyone a grand tour of the hotel, Namjoon felt his phone buzz with life. He pulled out his cell and spied on the screen. It was Yoongi relaying a message that things were quiet at the investment firm. They’d left things in his hands since Seokjin’s presence was required at the grand opening of the hotel. He shot him a quick text back, saying they were going to be wrapping things up soon.

“Is Yoongi bored?” Seokjin asked, sidling up next to Namjoon and bumping his shoulder slightly.

Namjoon looked at him, eyes wide, before he craned his neck in varying directions to ascertain where Hoseok was. He took a breath when he saw that he was being surrounded by reporters as he showed them the many different check-in kiosks – built to help with the reservation process. They both watched Hoseok smiling and explaining things to the letter, not missing a single beat when more and more questions were tossed into his lap.

Seokjin nudged him again, causing him to stumble to the side slightly. “Well?”

He laughed, bumping his shoulder against his as well. “He’s fine. Probably just worried.”

“Should I go back and relieve him?” Seokjin grinned, shrugging. “It’s not like these people actually care about us. Hoseok is the star of this show, it seems.”

“Looks like it,” replied Namjoon, shrugging one shoulder as well, “if you want to head back, you can. I can handle things from here.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, go ahead.” Namjoon grinned, narrowing his eyes playfully at Seokjin. “Besides, I know you’re wondering what a certain financial advisor is getting into.”

Seokjin scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Don’t start.” He looked at his watch. “We’re all still meeting up later, right?” His gaze lifted back up to meet Namjoon’s. “For the party?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I believe so. Taehyung and Jungkook should be finishing up their business by then.”

“Good.”

They both turned to see Hoseok was moving a little bit further into the large, main lobby of the hotel. He met their gaze, smirking at them, before returning to answer more questions that others were giving him. Namjoon shook his head while shoving his hands into his pockets. Seokjin patted Namjoon’s chest, brushing past him to exit the hotel.

Just as he was about to return to Hoseok’s side, his phone buzzed once more. Turning over the cell in his hand, he saw the message was from Shownu. His eyes narrowed, craning his neck to see if the sender was in the hotel. When he saw that he wasn’t, Namjoon’s gaze returned to the phone to read the actual message this time.

Shownu: Congratulations, Namjoon-ah. Don’t let the sunlight blind you.

He slipped the phone back into his pocket, not bothering to reply. There was nothing for Namjoon to say. No. They weren’t part of that world anymore. What the Jade Fangs did now no longer concerned them. They wouldn’t go back. No, they couldn’t go back.

After clawing their way out, there was no way they were going to let themselves get dragged back down to hell.

#bangtanarmynet #btsbookclub #btswriterscollective #ficswithluv #kwordsmiths #bts #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic #bts imagines #bts mafia au #bts mafia!au #bts crime au #bts crime!au #bts x ot7 #bts x reader #bts ot7 #bts ot7 x reader #bts x oc #bts ot7 x oc #bts x angst #bts x violence #bts x slow burn #bts x smut

[smileymoth]

Hatari: Visualising the end of the world may be a healing process.

by Jaane Tomps. Published 19th September 2019 on Müürileht.

Anti-capitalistic performance art group Hatari has often turned their communication with media into a joke, but according to the founder of the group, Matthías Haraldsson, this conversation includes 0% humour.

[So here it is. I tried to translate it as correctly and as true to the base text as I could. If there are any grammatical errors or weird phrasings; my apologies, English isn't my first language. :] The interview has been translated from Estonian to English and because Tumblr hates everyone, links don’t show up in the tags, aka I can’t link the original. 

Interview is under the cut!]

Hatari, who represented Iceland this year during Eurovision have certainly been one of the more controversial participants this year, yet they haven't finished with Europe. Haraldsson, who caused a lot of politic-trouble when waving around the Palestinian flags in Israel, said that destroying capitalism is going according to plan ─ they just can't lose hope now!

How far are you with the plan to destroy capitalism?

"Everything's going according to plan. We just destroyed some capitalists in the Netherlands and soon, of course Estonia, and other northern countries, will be waiting for us. We're doing well, but next year we will try turn up the tempo a lot more. We are hoping to give out an album soon and as you probably already know, we're heading for a bigger European tour. Due to Klemens just turning into a father for the second time, we can't be as efficient as we'd like; we have to learn how to fuse destroying capitalism with our own family lives. "

The situation in the world is pretty bad, has it made reaching your goals harder?

It really has, indeed. The climate collapse is one of the bigger ordeals, with which humanity has had to deal with and I think that the governments should be more active in those fields. We can't always put all the pressure on individuals, even if they can do a lot by themselves. The situation isn't to be praised right now, but we stay hopeful and trustful to our plan.

Do you enjoy the attention you received after the Eurovision song contest or would you rather leave it all behind?

To be honest, I would love to hire a duplicate of myself for concerts and tours, so I could write more. But no, the adventure and the leap we have taken, has been partially because of Eurovision, which gave us more attention. I wouldn't like to take it all back, but it is a lot of hard work and responsibility.

Has the local music scene started to treat you any differently after Eurovision?

I think so, yes, but at the same time, we have never fit into the places we've been invited to play at. We stepped up at a festival in the Netherlands and among the metal and hardcore artists stood us, that band from Eurovision. During other events, however, are we the hardcore band. We have learned to adapt. Eurovision introduced us firsthand to a lot of people and understandably, it has changed our image.

What's the story with your anger in actuality? I dare to believe that your stage-persona isn't reality...

For sure, my stage-persona is an outlet through which I meditate and manifest the anger with, which I would usually keep inside me. I usually manage to find great balance and I don't get angry a lot in my private life. I prefer to keep my emotions repressed inside me rather than speak or show them.

Which human values are overrated in your opinion?

We live in a very individualistic society. I'd say that ambitions connected with oneself, aka a person's immature ego, are overrated. I despise petty people who can't see things from an another perspective.

What is your depiction of the most fulfilling happiness?

Happiness is to be accepted and to accept others. To feel safe in a creative and an encouraging atmosphere ─  that the concepts would be respected and that it would celebrate differences. And overall,  destroy capitalism in a family friendly atmosphere.

One local schoolgirl said in a video, which recently went viral, that "The world is an empty and a useless place and people should go extinct, because climate change along with every single politician sucks." Do you agree?

Yes. That concludes it perfectly. At least that's what we try to depict. Being in denial about problems doesn't do us good, but I believe that even in the most empty places, where there are the worst politicians, it is possible to find something, about which to be hopeful about. I believe that after crashing to the bottom we can only move upward, but while being hopeful we shouldn't forget to be realistic.

What do you think the end of the world is going to be like?

I'd prefer that the world didn't end. However,  I do think that just visualising it can be a healing process and we should all do it.

Is Hatari's long-awaited album the end of the beginning of something?

It is both. I believe, that every end is the start of something new and the album has undoubtedly been a milestone for the creation that circles around Hatari. At the same time, it is also a big relief to get it off our shoulders, because after releasing that, we can focus our attention on something new. Those things always take time. We have been planning to release the album for months now, but we want to do it when we feel that it is completely ready. But it will come one day.

What's the overall conception of the album?

In the centre of its attention is corruption and the confrontation of it. Power and powerlessness. Individuality versus collective thinking. Hopefulness and hope.  Domination and surrendering. It will bring the listener to think about death, the world, and the end of all humanity as we know of it now. It will bring people to discover their deepest fears and anguish and hopefully inspire them to dream of a better future.

How do you understand that an idea is fully complete?

You don't, actually. You could work on it forever. But at a certain point you have to say, that that's the story and if we worked on it for more, it would sound differently, but it's good even in its current shape. The end result is, sometimes, also in the hands of others, because I work on the lyrics and vocals. Klemens and Einar are the ones defining the tracks.

I liked one of the interviews, where you brought up Britney Spears as one of the inspiration sources for Hatari. In which ways does she inspire you exactly?

She's a great artist and an icon of her generation. Her lyrics overcome the word-for-word understanding of a text; it's a greater level of consciousness, where we and art are the same. And her music is also very catchy.

You'll soon be performing in Narva. How much research do you do before stepping to the stage? Are you aware of the situation in Estonia right now?

Actually, my art school teacher is from Estonia. We often discuss about the current situation and usually the locals are worried about horrifyingly similar things as everyone else. They worry about the populist rhetoric and conservative and nationalist rulers, who don't take problems with the current climate seriously. I've heard, that in Estonia's government there are climate change deniers, which is an extremely serious and a worrisome topic.

You haven't visited Estonia before, right?

I've been to Tallinn once. I sang in the choir during high school. We performed in a beautiful church. It was very cold. The old town was very beautiful and I remember the guide, who had impressive knowledge of the middle ages. I remember as well, that singing in the choir wasn't exactly my thing. My high school friends were in a jovial mood and sang Icelandic national songs disgustingly loud, while I was googling Arvo Pärt in my hotel room.

I take that you're a fan of Arvo Pärt then?

Yes, he's probably one of my most favourite composers. It would be incredible to do something together with him. We have done a collaboration with one Icelandic composer and during that time, during a concert in Reykjavík, we included him within the choir. Maybe, if I sent some texts to Arvo Pärt... We would be honoured, if he created something with us for the choir or perhaps something abstract ─  it doesn't have to be lyrical, it's his own free will. If Arvo Pärt wants to contact us, then he can always write to us on the address [email protected]. No matter which type of a collaboration he'd wish for ─ we are very open to ideas!

#hatari #clown squad #matthias tryggvi haraldson #klemens hannigan #einar steffanson #interview #mothpost #translation

[makeste]

on Re-Destro and the source of the “stress” that fuels his quirk

continuing to make my way through @thequietmanno1′s asks! once I’m done with these I’ll work on going through the rest of my inbox.

I received this ask after chapter 238, if I'm not mistaken (so things have changed just a little bit, but that's my bad for not responding to this earlier).

And now I’m kinda feeling bad for Re-Destro, just a little. Like, that flashback doesn’t show much, but it speaks volumes about his character. The smart suit, the focused, determined yet somewhat resigned, unhappy look on his face, the neatly groomed hair, standing beside presumably his mother in front of some faceless shadowy figures telling him he must fulfil their ambitions.

I wonder if, at one point, Re-Destro didn’t want to fulfil his legacy, but wanted to choose his own path in life, yet the pressures and responsibilities heaped upon him by Destro’s old supporters and his family made him bury that desire, that part of himself that resented having to take up the mantle, until it because an unconscious source of strength for him. His power grows from stress, so his unknown resentment at being born a figurehead for a movement he might not have truly agreed with at his core caused him to build up stress from having to become someone he didn’t want to be, and fulfil a grand objective he might not have been confident he could pull off. He outright said that Quirks have a Personality Power aspect to them, so his own Quirk is indicative of the burden his role has placed him in, one he’s been in for such a long time that he’s forgotten who he was before he because Re-Desto.

I’m wondering if all his little breaks of temper and swift and sudden outburst of extreme violence may have been because of this unconscious desire to not be Re-Destro- because if the movement fails, or is mocked and looked down upon, he’s then wasted his life for a cause that he was forced to support, and never had to chance to be someone else- and he was lashing out because of the rage and anger that he’s had to hide behind a mask since he was a kid. Like, he seems to become calmer and focused when he’s raging because he’s finally able to act like he wants to, but is still controlling himself tightly because that’s how he’s been raised, to be a perfect leader even at the worst of times.

Ironically, it seems this hidden resentment may be why he failed to kill Shigaraki, since he outright says his stress is fading away. Maybe he recognised Shigaraki as someone similar to himself (probably some bullshit about understanding someone by crossing blades/fists with them) and actually respected the teenager for having the courage to reject his own legacy and forge his own path according to his own desires. There’s been quite a few evil counterparts between the league and the MLA – Dabi and Genten over their conflicting views about how quirks define them; Skeptic and Twice over their instability born from failure (Twice from failing all the time and feeling worthless for it; Skeptic for refusing to fail and be considered worthless more than once); Trumpet and Spinner over both of them being people who define themselves via their relationship to someone else’s dream. And here we get to see how Shigaraki’s rejection of his own family legacy counters Re-Destro’s acceptance and hidden resentment of his own legacy. Many villains have called Shigaraki a simple, one-dimensional character for just focusing on destroying the things he hates around him. But that same desire is simple, it’s pure, and it doesn’t waver under pressure. Just Like Spinner couldn’t be crushed under Trumpet’s breaking speech because he’s already accepted his poor character and flaws, Shigaraki’s pure desire to destroy makes him more grounded, focused and determined than Re-Destro, who has been struggling with his own flaws and dissatisfactions in private for his whole life.

Going forward, this simplicity may be what allows Shigaraki to rise to the top, much like AFO had the simple desire to become a “King of Evil” and set out to achieve exactly that. This is actually true of every character who’s had an origin chapter - a reminder to themselves of the simple desires that drove them to become who they were, and by bringing that to the forefront of their mind, allows them to redefine themselves and their purpose and continue on their path with renewed purpose. The whole fight is symbolic of that really. Initially Re-Destro seems to have the upper hand in numbers, resources and goals, but as the fight drags on, each one of these gets broken under the league overcoming their personal demons to become stronger for the sake of their simple desires. When Re-Destro first fights Shigaraki, he overwhelms him in speed, power and convictions, crippling his hands and trying to tear him down to prove he’s the better villain between them (which, now I think about it, served no real purpose to Re-Destro, but may have been a way for him to quell the hidden resentments he had about being forced into his role, by striking down an upstart challenger to his destined throne, and reinforcing his wish to prove that the whole MLA wasn’t a mistake he was forced into making). But once Shigaraki recovers his memories and his origin, he just keeps tearing through Re-Destro’s arguments and attacks one by one with his pure desire to destroy. He overcomes the two finger limitation, proving he’s not as limited or weak as Re-Destro thinks, and keeps destroying his ultimate attack, becoming more sane, focused and confident as he does. Re-Destro keeps trying the same move- the apex of his power and probably something he was forced to develop in childhood, so to him it represents the absolute conviction that the MLA is the correct Choice for the Next Villain overlord. Yet Shigaraki keeps striking it down again and again with one simple, pure move every time, no matter how much he ups the power or used more complex mechanisms to enhance it. That’s why his stress starts to fade- because some part of him, that he’s long buried and forgotten, despite it fuelling a great amount of his quirk, recognises and respects Shigaraki as an equal, as someone who had the courage to reject his defined path in life and make his own, consequences and social conventions be dammed.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making you think he didn’t exist, and perhaps the greatest trick AFO pulled was giving Tomura the illusion of choice in Becoming the Symbol of Fear. As far as the boy could see, he alone was responsible for the death of his family, unconsciously on behalf of everyone else, willingly on behalf of his father, and that warped perception of himself let AFO give him the little pushes necessary to complete the transition. If there’s one thing this arc has shown, it’s that villainy is perhaps a lot like gravity- you only need a little push to go from nobody to outcast, with no-one to accept you but the rejects of society.

---

nothing much to add to this, except perhaps another apology for being late in replying. I think it’s clear as of chapter 239 that this analysis is spot on. RD clearly did grow to respect Tomura during their battle, and I think you nailed it down as to exactly why Tomura was able to earn that respect.

I still don’t know if I can honestly say I feel sorry for RD, but I appreciate the way that Horikoshi slowly developed his character over the course of the arc. he never gave us a real, complete backstory for him, but he didn’t really have to; the little tidbits he dropped here and there, along with RD’s own passionate villain monologues about the MLA's philosophy and its history, were more than enough to establish why he is the way that he is. and it led up to the perfect ending, IMO. this was a really great arc.

#bnha #bnha 238 #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #re-destro #makeste reads bnha #bnha meta #asks #thequietmanno1

[admiralty-xfd]

Culmination

It’s my one year A03 anniversary and I’d love to share with you all my first fanfic, it’s very close to my heart and I hope you enjoy it. I’ll post one chapter here every day but I’ll link to the full story below if you ever want to jump ahead. :)

CHAPTER ONE

CREATION

(Pilot)

SCULLY

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The sun and the stars, the plant life, the animals, and eventually, one man and one woman. These two human beings were a new beginning, the start of something big, something important. The beginning of life in this universe… or at least, what we know of it.

This is what Dana Katherine Scully was taught as a child in Sunday school. Her father and mother were devoted Catholics and she knew no other truth. Although growing older has reduced the biblical lesson to allegory in her scientific mind, she still believes in her heart that this is the way all things begin: with intent, with purpose, with meaning.

She thinks of this story the day she meets Fox Mulder. As she opens the door to his basement office, there’s something in the air; an electricity, an excitement, a new beginning that seems fated. She doesn’t believe in destiny, necessarily, but if she did she’d feel it today.

She takes in her surroundings before she has a chance to take him in. The walls are absolutely covered with what must be Agent Mulder, as if his insides are on display, bared for the world to see if only anyone would notice. Newspaper clippings, crime scene photographs, crop circle diagrams, tiny scraps of a life obsessed litter the room. The central feature of his office is a poster of a UFO with the words “I Want to Believe” scrawled guilelessly across the bottom. She’s not the type to judge a book by its cover so she reproaches herself for sizing him up before she even lays eyes on him, but she feels like she can see pieces of him everywhere.

As he turns to greet her, she notes that he is a bit older than her, seasoned but still quite young. She immediately finds him attractive, and just as immediately relegates these thoughts to the back of her mind. Entertaining them would be a mistake. She’s here to work, to distinguish herself. She wants to build a reputation at the FBI, not be given one.

His face is boyish, as is his exuberance. When he speaks to her he looks her in the eye, which she respects. He has the fascination of a child discovering the wonders of the world around him.

She doesn’t know it yet but meeting him will change the course of her entire life.

The more she learns about him, the more she respects his views and the completely unique way in which he sees the world. She drinks it up, admires his devotion. He’s not like the other men she’s met at the Bureau, the ones who have something to prove and answer that call with relentless ambition, who treat her like something less, someone who doesn’t belong. Mulder is driven, passionate, but not in pursuit of a ladder; in pursuit of his own dreams and desires. He’s extraordinary.

Most importantly, he truly sees her.

There’s an undeniable spark they share, that she can sense whenever they’re in each other’s presence. He’s almost an entire foot taller than her, but when they speak they stand so close she has to physically crane her neck to look at him. She doesn’t understand why they do this, why they have this need to be so near each other, but it’s immediate and natural. It’s a magnetism she can’t deny.

When he’s with her he seems to lose his sense of personal boundaries. He stands too close, or gently touches her elbow. He holds doors for her and guides her by the small of her back. She doesn’t mind it, which is unusual for her. She rarely lets men get away with these things. But Mulder isn’t like other men; he does this absently, naturally, without purpose or agenda. She knows he doesn't mean it to be, but she suspects it’s more territorial than gentlemanly. And that’s fine with her, because she is his and he is hers in some unidentifiable way. Somehow, this is just how things are going to be.

As they move forward together in their partnership, they learn to know each other better. He challenges her in ways she never dreamed of. His theories and methods are unlike any she’s seen back at the academy, or anywhere else, for that matter. Every day is exciting, perplexing and remarkable, and the intellectual connection they share is unlike any other she’s ever experienced. She feels truly blessed to have met him. His presence in her life feels like an unexpected gift dropped directly into her lap.

Her friends in the Bureau think he’s a joke. “Spooky” Mulder. A loser. A wasted opportunity. An incredibly smart and talented agent squandering his life away on ridiculousness. But she knows the truth: when she is with him he cracks her world wide open. When they are together, she’s learning to believe. Whenever anyone condemns him, she defends him like a lioness defending her pride. She sees something in him no one else seems to see: limitless potential.

More than that, she likes him. He has become her friend. They have developed a genuine bond, and an affection for one another which she can’t quite yet identify but she can feel; more real and tangible than most of the monsters that elude them.

She often wonders if she’s helping or hindering him more. She feels that he trusts her, and that trust has been hard earned. But there are times when he will pull away from her, as if he’s gone somewhere in his mind she knows she cannot follow. Those are the times he can drive her absolutely crazy, and she can’t decide whether she wants to kill him or kiss him. She’s definitely thought about doing both.

It isn’t long before she regards him as the only person she can trust with her life. It will be much longer before she trusts him with her heart.

This is the start, the beginning. A new beginning for her, and what has now become the two of them. Everything always comes back to the two of them: seeking, finding, and seeking some more. They are so different, yet always share the same goal, like two roads meeting from opposite directions merging into each other, leading as one into oblivion.

MULDER

Trust no one.

Fox William Mulder knows this inherently before any of his informants ever warn him. He’s felt it most of his life, probably before any kid should. When his sister Samantha disappeared, he stopped trusting his parents. As he grew older and began his journey at the FBI, that distrust extended to the government. An organization he believed was dedicated to seeking the truth had revealed its own corruption over the years. Even personal relationships have been difficult; he's found it hard to get too close to anyone for too long.

His instincts tell him to distrust his new partner before he meets her. He’s well aware of the Bureau’s intentions regarding his work. Dr. Dana Scully’s presence in his office feels intrusive at first, unwelcome. He’s done his homework on her, and had believed he’d gotten a general idea of the person they’ve sent from upstairs to shut him down, reign him in.

But the person standing in front of him now doesn’t do his preconceived notions any justice. She’s tenacious, energized, engaged. She looks at him, really listens when he’s speaking. He likes that because he isn’t used to it.

She’s younger than he expected, and green, so green. He wants to use the word “adorable” but somehow he knows better. She’s smart as hell, probably smarter than he is, and probably too smart for her own good. Her brain is definitely going to get in the way of her gut, as well as his. This partnership is going to be tricky but he’s up for the challenge.

She wears a gold cross around her neck, which he finds fascinating considering she doesn’t seem to believe in anything outside the realm of science. He makes a mental note to ask her about it someday.

As they talk in his office, he can’t help but think of Diana Fowley. She and Scully are nothing alike, he can already tell, but the comparison enters his mind automatically. The similar minds he and Diana shared were helpful when he’d first discovered the X Files. She’d agreed with him on practically everything. It helped them find cases, but they’d had a tough time actually solving them. He knows now she wasn’t the right fit for him, in more ways than one. Yet another person he’d placed his trust in who had abused it.

He can’t help but find Scully attractive, but after what happened with Diana he resolves he will not let it interfere with their partnership. He feels a pang at this thought, because something in him is telling him this is different, this person could be the one, this person is safe to love. He already loves her but doesn’t want to admit it. He can’t. He can’t risk a similar outcome. Everything about Diana was a huge mistake.

Anyway, she’s well in his past. This new person Scully appears to be his future. Only time will tell exactly what kind of future that will turn out to be.

Her wide blue eyes capture his immediately, and through them he feels as if she might be knowable. He’s always dismissed the old adage about the eyes being the window to the soul until this very moment, looking into hers. There will be many moments in his future when he will get lost in them.

Other agents in the Bureau call each other by their first names, but he never calls her Dana. He doesn’t really know why, but he does know he doesn’t want her to call him Fox. Besides, he likes how “Scully” sounds. It’s endearing to him. He’s called her Scully so many times it feels strange now to call her anything else. And she calls him Mulder in response, like it’s their own private shorthand. They’ve accepted one another as equals without having to acknowledge it verbally.

He likes the way she says his name, too. She’s got about twelve versions. His favorites are “annoyed” and “exasperated.” She’s cute when she’s exasperated.

As they fall comfortably into their new partnership, he quickly discovers she’s a perfect counterpoint to everything he thinks and feels. They begin phone conversations like they’re already in the middle of one. He lobs a theory at her, and her backhand is immediate and usually accompanied by a raised skeptical eyebrow. Sometimes her skepticism can drive him absolutely crazy, but he’s completely charmed by her savvy. He knows she doesn’t believe in most of this stuff, but she listens and respects him, and sometimes he can tell he’s broken through. These are the moments he lives for. She hears him, which is something, really something.

Protecting her has become a priority in his life he hadn’t anticipated. Perhaps it’s displaced fear, or a remnant of the powerlessness he felt watching Samantha get torn away from him. But keeping Scully safe from harm feels like more than an obligation, it’s a primal need inside him. It feels like protecting her is protecting himself.

There are times when he feels as if his heart may burst from confusion and loneliness. In these moments he pulls away from her, keeps her at arm’s length. He knows it pisses her off but it’s self-preservation, he needs to do it. He wants to let her in, wants to badly, but he can’t. He wonders if he’s doomed to be lonely forever. Sometimes he doesn’t trust himself around her and he needs to wait to get that trust back.

Soon enough, he will give her his trust. It’s not something he can quantify or explain, but it’s deep in his gut, visceral, and if there’s one thing he’s always trusted it’s his instincts. He knows she’s in this with him, in a way no one really has been before. Somehow this person is going to be his partner, through and through, for the long haul. He can feel it.

He is careful with his heart, and always has been. But somehow deep down he knows one day she’ll find a way in. He wants to believe.

He’s completely unaware of how much he needs her. But she has arrived.

To continue reading click here. Otherwise, see you back here tomorrow!

#msr #the x files #txf #mulder and scully #fanfiction #pilot #baby agents in love

[cmeliabones]

                                      i used to be broken.     i used to be shards of iron and ice,                         a whirlwind of broken glass,     until I learned to be more.

DILAN DENIZ? No, that’s actually AMELIA BONES from the MARAUDERS ERA. You know, the child of ENDER BONES and IRMAK BONES NÉÉ KUNDAKÇI ? Only 25 years old, this SLYTHERIN alumni works as a LEGAL ADVISOR AT THE WIZENGAMOT and is sided with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. SHE identifies as A CIS WOMAN and is a PUREBLOOD who is known to be SECRETIVE, CYNICAL and SELF-NEGLECTFUL but also JUST, AMBITIOUS and LEVELHEADED.

LINKS – pinboard, stats. CHARACTER PARALLELS – laurel castillo (htgawm), peggy carter (mcu), spencer hastings (pll), rebecca bunch (crazy ex-girlfriend), raquel murillo (la casa de papel) AESTHETIC – a blood red lipstick mark on a drained cup of coffee, knuckles bruised from collapsing against a wall, smoking through the crack of your window in the middle of the night, striped blouses, chipped black nailpolish, downing vodka without wincing, wiping sweat off your eyebrow while laughing, sinking down in the shower and not getting up for half an hour, eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man, a longing for something without quite knowing what it is, a sense for justice that burns you up (and hopefully takes the whole world with it one day), something weighing down on your shoulder at all times, the inability to sleep if the world is too quiet HEADS UP – there are some triggers in this intro (specifically: burn out, anxiety, alcohol, smoking, self destructiveness, death and grief). all are trigger warned in front of the bulletpoints theyre mentioned in!

backstory ( 1955 - 1973 )

amelia bones grows up happy. with two older brothers & a set of loving parents, there was such room to grow. her parents are openminded and supportive and allow her fire and mind to expand and grow. she grows up valuing family and empathy and acceptance and fairness, and will always fall back on these values.

a bit of background on her parents: 

her father comes from the bones family, which has been a prominent magical family in eurasia for centuries (mostly for their influence in politics & international cooperation, and their progressiveness). after the global wizarding war, her father’s grandfather and his wife migrated to england after he was offered a position at the ministry, which he got offered due to his efforts during the war. word of their (good & wonderful!) reputation then spread in the UK, too, and they soon became a respected pureblood family (not that they cared about blood status, not at all, and i think plenty of purebloods didn’t care much for the bones --- too progressive and idealistic and proactive).

amelia’s father followed in his own father’s footsteps and joined the department of international cooperation, through which he met irmak, a turkish witch who worked for an international ngo advocating for worldwide women’s rights. they started as coworkers, and soon fell for one another and soon marriage followed, and then their three kids

amelia loves her family. they’re her entire world.

she was the last of her siblings to go to hogwarts, which just made her all the more excited, i think. amelia envied her brothers for getting to go before her, though, very much so. either way ---- amelia was a hatstall, stuck between hufflepuff and slytherin, stuck between her deep sense of justice and her cunning ambition. in the end, she was sorted in slytherin, but she would have thrived in either house, really. 

she walked towards that green-and-silver table with such pride in her face and back, proving that she’d fit right in

i think she was sorted in slytherin in the end as her ambition allows her to do more with her sense of justice. it’s the road towards her goals, her goals being reaching justice and righteousness and her ideals.

anxiety / panic attacks / alcohol & smoking / self destructiveness / burn out tw || amelia put immense pressure on herself all through hogwarts, not only wanting the best grades, but also wanting to be a helpful and put together individual. in her fourth year, she burns herself out --- there’s no energy left in her body. she started having more panic attacks, her anxiety growing with the pile of assignments she was unable to finish, and amelia -- for a while -- lost sight of herself, unsure how she was ever able to be so productive, to do so much. 

amelia starts smoking. she starts drinking. she yells at the whomping willow. she finds release in anything that will quiet her brain and she loses control, for a while --- detentions grow, as do her absences in class, and her grades drop. after a few months, she steps to slughorn, telling him that she’s not okay, that she needs help. (i imagine he was a bit startled, not by the news (as there had probably been reports of the change in amelia’s behaviour), but by the way she approached him, so maturely.)

admitting she wasn’t okay was the main step she needed and soon amelia was learning where her weaknesses lied, and how she could cope with stress, and how she should dose her work so she wouldnt end up this way again. and slowly but surely, amelia rebuilt her good grades, and prepared herself for those looming OWLs. end of tws

her last three years at hogwarts are spent studying, hard. amelia also became prefect & eventually head girl ( this is not definitive! just. putting it down in case ), and spent the rest of her time preparing for a career at the ministry --- that was where her ambition lied, after all. especially with the turmoil and unrest growing in the wizarding world, amelia’s sense for justice GREW, and she wanted to do something about it badly: the ministry was a flawed system, that much she knew, but she also knew that there were good people there (her dad, her grandfather, etc.) and that there was always room for change and growth

amelia cares SO MUCH about justice, it’s just something she’s always done. she has a very deep sense of justice herself, is very just in judging and approaching people. she’s also open about this & will call you out on her shit ( i imagine she did a fair amount of this in the slytherin common room ) but in a calm and collected way

ended up graduating with seven NEWTs, all with either E’s or O’s. we stan an overachieving icon. 

post graduation ( 1973 - 1980 )

anxiety tw | amelia started working as an administrative assistant at the wizengamot, interning under a member at the same time, slowly climbing the ranks and preparing for a successful career. it’s stressful, and sometimes anxiety inducing, but amelia sticks to her coping mechanisms that she’s developed over the years (both good and bad) and mostly thrives. end of tw

(parental) death, murder, grief tw | when she’s twenty, her parents are murdered. at that point, amelia had still been living at home, but she’d been at work when it all happened --- returning to a dark mark above the place she grew up in. her parents had been murdered for not meeting the vision of what purebloods were supposed to be, another pair of victims of a cruel war ( and the start of the bones’ downfall :( )

self destructiveness tw | amelia fell back in old patterns for a while, forgetting to take care of herself, raging against a world that wouldn’t listen. she took the time she had gotten off work to grief and drowned herself in distractions and things that only seemed to make things worse, in the long run end of tw

and then she returned to work and was done. done, with feeling like she’d drown in her grief, and so she turned cold. it wasn’t hard -- amelia had always been quite levelheaded, able to look at situations with emotional distance and objectivity, and now she did the same with her life. she joined the order as well, even though she had previously doubted them ( she thought them unorganised, chaotic rebels, and she had to eat her words, partly, after she joined ). amelia grew bitter and secretive and cynical, but she worked harder than she had ever before, wanting to see a better world as soon as possible --- for her brothers and their families, for all the families still whole, for fucking everyone, to be honest.

death of children tw | re: her brothers and their families, she thinks that theyre both stupid for having kids in this time. look at what happens every day! look at what happened to their parents! why would you risk orphaning your children?!

not that she voices those opinions. they’re dark and mean and she swallows them and keeps them locked up. 

of course, she was kind of right. edgar and his kids did die. lmao. when she found out, though, she didn’t think “told you so”, she just hated herself a bit more. end of all tws

right now, amelia is a legal advisor at the wizengamot, assisting with cases, working on arguments and compiling evidence, always bristling at how useless aurors are at paperwork. she hates the ministry, partly, but wants to fix it from within. her dream is to get a seat at the wizengamot, and eventually grow further, too. her ambitions run deep, as does her idealism, and together those will get her far.

she’s also more closed off than she was before. i think that amelia was a lot warmer as a teen, and definitely a lot more spontaneous. now, though, she is focused deeply on the tasks at hand and cynical, scared of loving more people than she already does. there’s more to lose when you have more people you love, and all that stuff --- but still, amelia is kind and approachable, but there’s always a hint of distance and coolness. 

does Not take good care of herself. amelia sleeps too little, drinks too much coffee, does not eat enough fruits & veggies and constantly abandons her needs when there’s other, more important things. and there are always more important things ( especially considering she seeks for them )

death & murder tw | the timestamp kind of sent amelia into a state of despair, for a hot second. learning that her brother and his family were killed in the war chilled her to her bones. learning that she was murdered in the far but near future confused her, and scared her. she took a moment to recenter herself, to take in all this new information, and then got to work. i imagine that amelia just stormed into the ministry/the dmle and started working to fix this, using her future position as an argument to have a proper role in the developments. ( merlin knows that the ministry can use a good set of brains, after all, and she has a more than good set. ) she also stuck with the order, of course.

amelia also took it upon herself to research a LOT about the future fates of people she suspected of death eater activity, to know who to trust and who not to. read a lot of archived newspapers and such over the past month. too many. end of tw

personality & details

career woman. fuck the glass ceiling, she’ll break it with her high heels and kiss the shards with her red lipstick and grin while doing it. amelia is successful and will be even more successful and nothing but death can stop her from reaching her goals

in the end, that’s why she was killed --- bc she was unstoppable. if it wasnt for voldemort, she WOULD HAVE become minister for magic, mark my words

caffeine dependent as fuck

kickboxes to let go off some steam and cropped up Stress. she has been doing it ever since her the summer after her fourth year and has a mean right hook and can break your nose if she wants to, but chooses not to. (would rather fight you with words, anyway.)

a levelheaded, realistic queen. 

workaholic, pls tell her to take a break!!!!

she has a deerhound doggo called jimmy and she loves him SO MUCH. dogs are Everything to amelia. she loves dogs so much. 

“men ain’t shit” -- amelia bones, thrice a day, at least

listen she’s just a Queen, that’s all ive got

#quantum intro #yeeeee FINALLY

[jasmint-greentea]

2020

I’m so immensely grateful for my leave in January 2020, to begin this year with a huge red reset button. Reflecting on my past 1 and a half years of working, I’ve begun to feel overstretched, overworked, and overdrawn. There were too many a time I’ve caught myself feeling like I’m giving into deficit, and losing the very joy and excitement I once had regarding medicine and the promises of being a healthcare provider. Serving was less a calling and more a motion I had to bulldoze through to get to my bed at the end of the day.

The past 1 week of intense self reflection has honestly allowed me to return back to a discovery of God, of me, of family and friends. I now see 2020 with a 20/20 vision that I’ve casually forgotten to behold. With a new set of prescription glasses to reset and remove all the dust, gunk and despair I’ve smeared across my old pair. Dear Jasmine, this is written for you. For you to remember through trying times what you need is always the same - to return your vision on His heavenly throne.

1. Do not hurry

I was forced to confront the greatest enemy to my spiritual life since I’ve been working - hurriedness - in the past week. As I slowed down my pace of life, I found my insomnia and anxiety seeping away.

Truth be told, I’ve been battling with a lot of anxiety attacks and insomniac nights recently, and I was struggled to unravel and pinpoint the underlying cause.

Since working, I’ve noticed my kanchong-ness multiplying a million folds, as work always prioritises efficiency and outcome above all. All the while with a million pushes from everywhere (my boss, my colleagues, my nurses, my patients, my own expectations) - each one with a different voice screaming at me with their own objectives and demands. Though I pride myself in being a highly efficient individual, I’ve found my own mental and spiritual life crumbling under its weight. It has also strained a good many of my relationships, as the once chill Jasmine is now angry and impatient, snapping at any situation that isn’t ideally optimised.

Corrie ten Boom once said, that if the devil can’t make you sin, he’ll make you busy. Both have the same effect of cutting ourselves from God with distractions.

When asked, “how’s life”, how many times have I answered with “busy”?

God is not a God of hurry, He is a God of slowness because He is love, and love has a speed that is opposite of what we expect - and that’s why we often wait upon Him. Similarly, God walks with us, not runs with us. He chooses to be slow so that there is love, joy and peace (which beyond emotions, are actually conditions of the heart). Where we hurry we lose those gifts. After all, when describing love, it is first patient before it is kind. And joy and peace comes with being present in the current moment with gratitude and total surrender to His will and timing.

Often this hurry translate over to a hurried pursuit of completing goals in life too - be it residency, finding a partner or finding fulfilment, I find myself upset in the waiting. And until I truly learn to slow down and enjoy the process of intentionally seeking God first, to journey with Him to the end point, I don’t think neither the journey nor the gift with truly give me the satisfaction I so desire.

2. You’re in God’s good hands

Another thing I’ve come to discuss intensely with my brother on this trip was my guilt and belief that I could alter the plans God have for me. As if a measly human that I am is more powerful that the mighty God that He is, in shaping my life and what it will be.

Perhaps because I’ve often felt that if I had done things differently, that the outcome of my life may be less miserable as it is now. Perhaps "he" would have stayed, perhaps I would have known the residency I wanted, perhaps I would not have chosen medicine, perhaps…

And the guilt of feeling that a bad outcome was a doing of purely my disobedience, a punishment of some sort, had been a lie that I’ve gobbled up to the point I’ve forgotten to speak God’s word into my own life. This was accompanied by a growing insecurity in the wisdom of my decisions, and I often find myself spending more time questioning a situation, than committing to a decision.

Hence I had to remind myself that it is not by my works that I’ve received God’s love - but by Jesus’s blood; that it is not by my hands that my life unfolds - but in the Potter’s hands I am made; and that the evil in my life can still be used - as all things the devil meant for evil, in His hands is worked out for good.

This knowledge of the supremacy of God’s power freed me from the fear that my life was an endless series of my poor decisions, and instead helped me reset and focus that so long as I dwell in the presence of the Lord, He will take the good and bad parts of life and weave it into His greater storyline.

Perhaps more than anything, the fears from my past relationship experiences have greatly paralysed me from believing or pursuing a new one. So the knowledge that the previous outcomes were Godly intended has freed me from the anxiety of the decision making process. Knowing that even if I choose a different lover, a different career, a different church, nothing would separate me from the goodness of God - so long as I love Him first.

Lastly, it made the burdens I’ve been caring so much lighter. For God appealed to us to come and find rest in Him for our souls, for His yoke is easy and His burden is light This was a verse I believe I’ve used multiple times in my old blog entries, yet each time I feel I see it with a fresh light. This time, I saw how God knows that life is an unending series of burdens. Yet what we need isn’t an escape from that weight, but a way to carry it with ease and joy when we cultivate a spirit of restfulness.

I need not fear that any outcome of my life was determined solely by my actions, I need not constantly fear that history will repeat itself. And that I can move forward courageously to embrace the present and face the future with anticipation and trepidation of seeing all things work for His good.

3. Live intentionally, to put God first

An culmination of the above points, I would say is the pursuit of God first.

To not let the business of life, or the lies ingrained into our minds, keep us from the pursuit from the one thing that truly matters - God.

In all things, I needed to intentionally pursue Him first - be it a new relationship, my own relationship with my body, with friends and family, my career, my service in church; as long as my vision is not directed on Him, my path will always be wrong.

At age 25 with no dating experience, the fear of becoming a spinster with no children is a very true dread. Yet if I tear my eyes away from God, to find a man to replace Him, that would always be the wrong answer. I’ve decided that this year, I will literally “pursue” God first by dating God.

You might think, what do I mean by that?

I want to pour out my heart, my soul, my dreams, my ambitions, fully into the pursuit of Christ. The love I once poured out to chase a man, I now pour into chasing the one who loved me first. To truly seek to know and be known, to love and be loved by God. After all, if I don’t know the Maker, I won’t know the one He has made for me.

If I want to find someone who loves God first, and burns with passion for Him, with a heart of mission to serve His kingdom, I would also want him to see that we could be a dream team. And so, in order to find someone like that, my eyes has to be on the greater prize of Christ. Likewise, why would such a man choose me?

Similarly in my career, if I don’t put God first, I am by default placing my work as an idol in my life. Rather I need to learn to be like Daniel, to stand strongly in the intention of living for God and God only - even if it took him to the pits of fire or the lion's den. To make wise decisions that reflect the quality of God and His steadfast faithfulness, all the while serving an earthly king and putting his hands to the toil. I think that’s the Jesus way of living - a servant, a leader, but firstly, a son.

I’ve put down practical ways and goals such that the above can be fulfilled in work, and not resound like an empty gong.

Every morning, set aside 10 mins to just bask in the presence of the Lord, and meditate on God’s truth. Wash out all the lies that has creeped into your heart and renew your mind to His Word every morning.

During work, do not rush, do not hurry. Be present to your patients, your colleagues and yourself. Love is first patient, before it is kind. Learn to be patient, and to not let the hurriedness of working carry you away from the 2 greatest commandments of love.

If extra work is given to you, take heart that God will carry the weight with you. And his yoke is easy and His burden is light, for it is a team effort, and you’ve got God on your side.

Plan joy. Always include in Sabbath (a day of rest and reset), holidays, and things that will bring you joy in your life. Acknowledge and respect that you need “me time” too. Do not apologise for choosing joy, we are not meant to always work.

Exercise for you own a temple of God, and you need to keep it worthy for Him. Three times a week, choose to go outside to exercise, and take the moment of pushing your body to remember the good good God who gave you a life to live.

Do not worry, off all electronic devices by 9pm, and end the day with a prayer of thanksgiving. Remember that as long as we stay in God’s presence, His divine plan is already in action. There is nothing in our lives, good or evil, that will not all work into His greater narrative for our lives.

Date God first. He is the reason we love and we serve. Even in church, at work, with family, or friends, always go back to Him and choose God first. Don’t let the business of work distract you from the reason we work to begin with - for God and with God.

Forgo distractions (mindless Youtube and Netflix surfing), that only serve to fill time with an empty void, and a false pretence of “doing something”. Instead choose hobbies you want to invest in to bring you closer to God - exercise, music, reading, writing, painting. And learn to find God in the stillness of being present.

All the blessings for the upcoming 2020, and I look forward to the many testimonies this year will bring.

[zapcamon]

Death and Relive  [pt.1]

The fear of death, according to many, is a fear of the unknown. But that cannot apply to you, you’ve seen death. On more than one occasion, you’ve felt death. Knowing what death is, and the aftermath of, doesn’t quell the fear. It’s the contrary.

The pain of isolation, trapped in an endless darkness, surrounded by nothing else but unfeeling voices of those you hardly remember; you know what death is, you were just only lucky that for all those times it was temporary. As was this time.

Admittedly, having some control over the situation is what kept you from going into a complete panic. As long as this isn’t a permanent change, as long as you keep count on the days you return to the living world, there’s nothing to be scared about. With that said, you still have some complaints.

One is that your needs are still very much alive somehow. But without a corporeal form, there’s now way you can fulfill even the most trivial stuff. Sex, drinking, or just physical human interaction.  

Another is that the dead can’t sleep.

You’ve shut your eyes and tried to rest, and you think that it’s merely a lucid dream. Previously, you were at your room as just a floating spirit, complaining as per usual. Your only escape from the crushing fact that you are dead is by fiddling with your phone or computer. Turns out the horror movies were all right, ghosts can possess electronics. Now your surroundings have faded into vague shapes, then darkness.

It’s always fucking darkness. Hooooow original. You’re sick to death (or would it be double death) of dark abysses and all that edgy bullshit. Could a change of scenery be too much to ask for?

Though the question was only asked in your head, it seems your request was granted anyhow. The darkness shakes- the only way you could describe it is similar to distortions around a large, lit flame- and dissipates as a new environment appears around you. Judging by the numerous houses and giant castle, it has to be another village or town. There’s some familiarity to it, but you cannot recall coming to this place recently, or in many years in fact.

“Dammit.”

You hear a voice, and you’re relieved that there’s finally someone else to talk to. Even though it sounds like it came from some kid, and-

“Elrena, language!”

Oh. 

They say your life flashes before your eyes before you die. You cannot attest to that, being an amnesiac. So now the alternative is to discover hidden memories after your many deaths. It didn’t take too much effort into following the voice and seeing a very younger you. You’d take a guess and say she was around 13 at this point. She’s being lectured by a grown man wearing a unicorn mask. You wish that wasn’t a legitimate thought.

“Sorry! I’m just pi- I mean, mad that I let it get away. If I could’ve thrown my knives at it I..”

“Don’t worry about that. It’ll be taken care of shortly. If you need a long ranged attack, use your magic.”

“You mean I c-”

“From your Keyblade...”

“Really.”

You’re just kind of over there, hovering down slowly to the fountain and watching how bad this is going to go. The tone from the younger Elrena sounds anything but respectful. Granted it’s something you’d definitely say in present time, but you thought you were less curt in your childhood. 

“Your talents are versatile, as they are impressive. But you have to grow more comfortable with your blade. You remember your goal, right?”

Your younger self looks downcast, but a second later her head shoots up to check on something behind her shoulder. Must’ve been that pest that got away earlier. Her blade is raised up, but rather than wielding it like a blunt weapon, she grips the handle and pommel in the same manner as positioning a rifle. The blade glows and a bolt of lightning ejects from it, hitting the target. It’s an instant kill.

The mans large, gaudy mask obscures his face, making it hard to see his expression from your position. But you can read from his body language that there’s a moment of approval, betraying the stern tone he’s previously used. At first he appears to be walking away, then stops once he’s right besides the young memory of you.

“You have ambitions, Elrena, but don’t let them lead you astray. I can see you’re destined for great things on the light’s path.”

Well, that was a fucking lie, you ponder bitterly. Oh, hindsight. Who’s this guy anyway? You remembered Ava, but how many other animal impersonating weirdos did you meet in actuality? 

“‘Kay, I’ll try to remember that, Ira.”

Ira.

It’s then you spring yourself up from your sitting spot and rush to follow him. He can’t hear you, but you can follow him, right?

Nope. At some point he just disappears into thin air. Now it’s confirmed to you. This is all your memories, you didn’t follow him back then, you never knew where he went. 

Ironically, rather than locked away memories of Ira surfacing at last, you can only think of recent memories of Aqua. In some ways he reminded you of her. Her seriousness when it came to telling you that you’re wrong about things, the warmth she’d give when she’d, God forbid, see anything good in you, her persistence in guiding you to the right path despite you taking a nosedive to the booze every other mental breakdown. 

You just compared this woman to a horse furry, great job.

Why are you even thinking of her at this time? This is no time for yearning, young lady, you are DEAD. Soon your unbeating heart will start aching since you know you can’t hug her and make up for being such a big, shitty, stupid pile of garba- Oh god, it’s already happening. Stop this silliness at once and go on to the next memory. 

The location is pretty much unchanged, and now it’s a different adult approaching younger you. This one you can already tell from the pink gown and fox mask. It’s the same women who once brought you all to gave foreboding news that you were all up against an imminent apocalypse- which may or may not have never happened- otherwise known as a Keyblade War. 

Ava is talking, but unlike the previous conversation with Ira, she’s having a more quiet and private conversation with younger Elrena. Before you can inch in closer to hear better, Ava already breaks away, bows her head politely and leaves.

For fucks sake, are there rewind buttons on this?

The memory doesn’t end yet. Your younger self starts muttering, one word you can make out particularly clear.

Dandelions?

It’s not just a name. It’s how you survived. Survived whatever the fuck happened between that and losing your heart the first time. The large, abnormal gap in your memory is closing, even if by inches. 

You have a feeling this “dream” is going to last a while...

#[ic status] #alcohol mention // #[I DIDNT INTEND FOR THIS TO BE A TWO PARTER BUT IT GOT WAY TOO LONG SOWWY]]