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goodstimoftheday · 7 months

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Please only read if you feel in a safe place to do so

Under the cut discusses suicidal thoughts, food restriction and abuse

Summary is: I hope I can come back to posting one day, but I'll have to be in a much different place and it will take a lot to get to that other place

I've always been what someone would call a melancholy person, it's a well told tale in my family that at the age of six I was in the room when a news report about depression came on and I asked my parents if I had that. It is also a well told tale that I'd first said I wanted to die at age four. An event that apparently put my mum on antidepressants from the shock and sorrow that her young child would say that but I didn't get help until I was seven. I was informally diagnosed as on the autistic spectrum at nine and formally diagnosed at 10 with mild autism after I failed the IQ test that determined whether you had asperger's as this was before it was a defunct diagnosis. I still remember the disappointment that hung in the air in the psychologists room. I was clever, but not clever enough. They then said I was too young to diagnose as depressed, and with time and The Book I would adapt to the world and no longer be depressed by it. And with that diagnosis and The Book, me and my parents were cut adrift to 'deal' with my mind.

The Book was a horrible thing that explained how to cope with autistic traits and train them out of your child. It wouldn't be until I was 19 that I found and read The Book for myself and recognised all the ways my parents had hurt me had come from this very book.

I never did get less depressed and I still never got diagnosed, therapists telling me everyone has depressive symptoms these days.

My mum has never had a good body image, in truth she should have probably been diagnosed with dysmorphia long ago but she refuses to go to the doctors about it, instead wallowing in the cruel world of diets that insist she just has no willpower. But somewhere in her mind she is angry and used that anger like a knife to carve me into her idea of perfection. I remember well at age five finding a key ring from weightwatchers that was fun to play with and she told me one day I'd have to go there because I had her genes. But as my autistic tongue refused more foods and I became old enough to fight back from being pinned down to my chair and force fed, and instead left hungry, because that way I would learn to be grateful for my food, it was clear I was very thin. And my mum loved this. She dressed me in all the clothes she wished she could have worn as a child and told me as my sensory issues begged her not to put the itchy sparkly tights on me again and my dim first pangs of gender dysphoria screamed as she said to do things ladylike.

Unlike some, when I reach the crushing depths of depression, I find no comfort in food. My mouth goes dry and so all I eat feels like sand and sawdust and tastes much the same. My mum loved this, though she would never admit to it consciously. As I got older and bought my own food at school or on days out, my body would plump up and I seemed to be less interesting to my mum but then the depression depths would pull me down again and I would shed weight and all of a sudden I would be beautiful, clever and deserving of presents at random because I 'was special'.

At eighteen I met someone who would become my partner for three and a half years. Some of you from my old blog would remember them. I loved them and parts of me, much to my shame, still do.

I most likely have OSDD. But for whatever reason the NHS doesn't like to diagnose this. In the course of my therapy I have taken the dissociative quotient about three times with very consistent scores that lay between that of C-PTSD and DID. So rather than diagnosing me with the disorder that sits between those two disorders, OSDD, I've been diagnosed with C-PTSD with extreme depersonalisation.

The first person to recognise this with in me was my first ever partner and whether consciously or unconsciously, they used my dissociative symptoms against me. It's hard to type but I was abused by them. I loved them, still love them sometimes, so much. I would have given them the world but they hurt me and then threw me away like I was nothing when they found someone younger and in the same country. I won't say what they did to me, only my closest friends and my therapist know, and I wish to keep it that way. It was a quiet abuse and with my dissociation that I couldn't recognise, I couldn't see the hurt until around six months after they left me.

So in the time my dissociation painted the world as bright and sunny, the parts experiencing the abuse locked away from my knowledge, I gained a lot of weight. I was an adult now, free to choose my own meals. I actually love being fat, I felt warm and happy and my body was so lovely to stim with. That's something that makes my heart sing about Aziraphale, from Good Omens, he enjoys food and I can really empathise with feeling like he's doing something wrong when people point out his enjoyment.

But my mum didn't like that, not one bit. I became the family disappointment. 'Weight problems' were discussed like a family curse. And I was uplifted as the exception, like I was there to break that curse. But my body after years of being under fed clung to the happiness of eating food I liked and showed it in my body.

After my partner left me I fell into a deep deep depression. They had hurt me in a way and used my brain in such a way that I felt like air had been taken from me. I felt like was going to die. I wanted to die. They told me I would die without them. I lost a lot of weight very very quickly and my mum was so happy, she could barely disguise it as she attempted to comfort me about the hurt my ex had done to me as I slowly realised it.

She finally bought me a new binder after using the same one for over a year, new trousers and other things. I was interesting again.

I got with another person, far too soon. He was sweet but also out of his depth with the trauma I was only just realising I had. I broke up with him after seven months, something he didn't understand at all and I felt so guilty, I felt like my abuser. But unlike my abuser I tried to remain friends, I knew how strong love could be and tearing it up was too much I knew. But in those seven months, I regained a little weight. My parents, both of them now, didn't like this.

So began now, the months of teetering on the edge of starvation. Some days I have only a snack to get me by, other's I'm allowed two hot meals. Without a job and disability benefit since 19, I have had to just resort to here. But this weird food restriction that is there some days and then gone the next has really taken a toll on my mind. I've been in this position since September 2021. Two years now of this. My dissociation is worse, my depression is worse. I don't feel real most days. And still I have flashbacks to my ex and early childhood on top of this. I don't know what to do.

That person around April and May I was talking about? I wanted to be boyfriends with him so badly but my parents made me stop dating him as I'd already put on five pounds. He was so sweet and I had to lie to him and say I didn't see the relationship going anywhere as my mum stood over me to text him. I'm fucking 25 and I can't date a guy because he keeps me happy and plump. My mum hates fat so much that I can't even explore a relationship with a guy beyond a couple of months anymore because it makes me too happy for her liking. Because with my body happiness is being fat.

I'm saying all this because I don't know how to carry on here on this blog. I try so hard to see the good in every day but I'm living with those scary deep sea creatures at the moment. I feel like very soon I'll have forgotten what the light looks like.

#actually autistic #actuallyautistic #abuse tw

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alwaysvivid · 2 years

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—— ♡ ˗ˏˋ 𝐕𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐃 STORYLINES 2022 ! ࿐ྂ

𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 ? 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 ?

TW / death , ed , suicide attempts , self harm , toxic relationships , unstable family dynamics

𝐝 𝐚 𝐲 𝐧 𝐚

dayna has been an over achiever since she was a kid , excelling in almost all areas in school. since she was young she has been a perfectionist that holds herself to unrealistic standards which only exasperates her already low self image as she is not performing to the standard she expects from herself. so when she went to korea to become an idol and kept watching the people around her debut instead of her it took a huge toll on her mental health. this mixed with the pressure that she put on herself as the leader has made dayna often isolate herself , focus on work and never seek out relationships.

she met namjoon when she was on set of love yourself highlight reel and the 2 have been close ever since. it was clear they both had feelings for each other but never acted on them. she started dating jb of got7 june 2018 after he reached on expressing he was a huge fan. the 2 dated for just over a year. after yuri’s meltdown namjoon was there for dayna and the two ended up sleeping together. when telling jaebeom she’d cheated he still wanted to be with her but in the end dayna told both namjoon and jaebeom that she thinks a relationship is the last thing she could handle as she had to focus on her career and properly grieve her mothers death. work and vivid have been her focus ever since and she had hardly entertained anyone longer than 2 months - minus suho who she casually saw for 6 months in 2020 - until she started developing feelings for her long time friend sana of twice. she is still unsure if she has time for a relationship but her feelings for sana are too strong to ignore and she feels so comfortable around her. she helps her loosen up , have fun and live life for herself which is something she struggles with.

p l a y l i s t ღ

𝐲 𝐮 𝐫 𝐢

since yuri was young she has had an unhealthy relationship with food and her own self image. a lot of her body issues stem from her relationship with her mother as when she was younger yuri was chubby and her mother often made comments about how she would be even prettier if she was thin. this mindset of “pretty=thin” has stuck with her ever since and caused her to develop severe body dysmorphia and disordered eating . when yuri became a trainee she lost a lot of weight and was constantly praised for her visuals and nothing else making her equate her worth to how pretty and small people thought she was. once she debuted she faced a lot of online hate because she was not at the same skill level as the other girls making people think that she bought her debut and she couldn’t escape the hate. she struggled dealing with it and her eating disorder only got worse as she tried to be “prettier” as a means to get people to like her. on the 30th of june 2019 yuri tried to take her own life. dayna found her and immediately she was put on indefinite hiatus and checked into an eating disorder and mental health clinic. they had to push back their comeback and promote as 4 for a year. she still feels a lot of guilt towards the members, especially dayna.

when it comes to romantic relationships yuri has never been in stable relationship until recently. her first major relationship was with yuto of pentagon who repeatedly cheated on her, they were on and off for just over 2.5 years. during their longest break, yuri started seeing kim taehyung of bts and the two really hit it off and were a thing for a couple of months. tae had genuine deep feelings for her but she was not over yuto yet so yuri broke up with him over text when yuto wanted to get back together. yuri has tried to talk to him since but he barely even greets her. yuri started dating yuta on the 14th of feb 2020 and they have been together ever since. yuta accidentally outed their relationship december 2020 and both companies confirmed their they were together and the 2 date openly. however as of recently they’ve both been feeling that there’s something missing and whilst yuri tries her best to fix it she cannot deny that the end is near. recently tae has been forced to interact with yuri more as they are both brand ambassadors for celine and have been sent on lots of trips together. despite his animosity towards her it’s clear that they still have chemistry and are both falling all over again.

p l a y l i s t ღ

𝐬 𝐨 𝐫 𝐚

sora has always had an unconventional family ; her mother had her at 16 , she had no relationship with her father and she was an only child raised by her grandmother. her mother was barely home when she was growing up because she decided to focus on school in seoul while sora was left in busan with her grandmother. although now her mom is trying to fix their relationship sora still resents her even refusing to call her mom. they have family dinners twice a month with her mothers new family and even though they’re on their way to a better relationship it’s going to take a lot for sora to forgive her and heal her inner child that just wanted her mom around. she is however extremely close with her grandma and loves her more than anything.

sora struggles a lot with her mental health and is prone to impulsive and dangerous outbursts that makes her feel like she’s too much for anyone to be with. when she was a trainee she tried to take her own life but it was unsuccessful . she has only told a select few of this incident. sora has struggled with self harm since she was 13 and when people around her would show concern she would shut them down. but after yuri’s meltdown in 2019 she started seeking out proper help.

when it comes to relationships she had serious trust , abandonment and commitment issues that stem from her unstable family and relationships . it causes her to seek out validation through physical relationships and avoid anything deeper. after her friendship turned fwb relationship with kino dissolved almost overnight , her toxic relationship with changkyun and being forced to breakup with rose because dispatch was about to out them , she had given up on love because it never seemed to work out. she struggled with the concept of love and believed for the longest time that she is unlovable and no one would ever love her enough to never leave her. that was until her relationships with fin and chan. fin was her first real long term relationship but chan was the deepest and realest love she’d ever felt.

p l a y l i s t ღ

𝐬 𝐢 𝐬 𝐢

ft. @se4sonz &. noah of @bluwavez

whilst cece was still a trainee under angelico entertainment she was harassed by a staff member who wanted to date her despite her being underage. when she debuted in se4sons that staff member became one of her managers and would keep trying to make advances on her. she would speak to her then boyfriend noah about it but due to his own trauma he would encourage her to entertain him to better career and so for sometime she did. until one day he told her that if she slept with him he’d make sure she’d be the breakout star of the group with all the screen time , lines and schedules outside of the group. cece declined and he graduated her from se4sons the next day. she was traumatized and wanted to leave music as a whole but noah , felix and chan helped her rediscover her passion and so she reauditioned and joined cube.

cece seeks validation through people , especially men as her entire life her looks have been the center of her existence. she believes so much in people to the point that she allows herself to get in bad relationships because she gives people the benefit of the doubt and doesn’t know her own self worth. she is so desperate to feel loved and wanted she takes it from anyone that is just a little too nice to her. cece has never really been single for long enough to figure out who she is on her own. she wants to be the perfect girl for them their own personal manic pixie dream girl and so she does anything to please them. cece doesn’t fully know herself so she often changes and morphs herself to be whatever her boyfriend wants and she loses herself in the process. she has only ever been in long term relationships since she was 13 with her high school boyfriend from australia for 2.5 years then noah of deep dive for almost 2 years , and jaehyun who she is confident is her soulmate despite their rocky relationship. secretly she also was seeing their choreographer jay who told her he was leaving his then girlfriend but was actually still with her and she was pregnant with their first child. all of her boyfriends have cheated on her repeatedly leaving her with a “if i was just enough for them they wouldn’t cheat” mentality that have made her deeply insecure. and despite better guys -yeonjun- showing interest in her and promising to treat her the way she deserves she can’t seem to let jaehyun go.

p l a y l i s t ღ

𝐥 𝐞 𝐨

heeyoung is an only child and moved around a lot as a kid and never stayed anywhere long enough to form really strong friendships. that was until she was 10 and moved back to seoul where she met hwang hyunjin who quickly became her best friend. they grew up just 5 minutes away from each other and the two were inseparable their entire life which made heeyoung slightly possessive as they got older because she didn’t have as many friends as hyunjin , nor did she get as much romantic attention due to her tomboyish style. after he was her first kiss at 13 she developed feelings for hyunjin which unbeknownst to her he reciprocated . that was. until her 19th birthday when they kissed and realised they just weren’t actually into each other. they decided to just stay friends and to this day they are the most important person in the others lives.

on a random day when they were still trainees heeyoung was waiting for hyunjin and met han jisung who she clicked with immediately, only to find out hyunjin hated him. she pretended to hate jisung for a while before she had to admit that they got along and started hanging out a lot more. before she knew it they were doing everything together and became best friends. she doesn’t remember the exact moment it happened but by the end of 2018 she was in love with him. after getting drunk one night in 2019 the two kissed and that weekend was their conjoined surprise birthday with felix -the triplets- . the same party where she kissed hyunjin. jisung walked in on them and was heartbroken, the two didn’t speak for 2 months. heeyoung reached out and apologized explaining how she felt about jisung and they started dating. they are perfect together , everyone calls them soulmates and they truly think they are. on january 1st 2021 dispatch exposed their relationship and despite denying it to their companies heeyoungs account got hacked and photos of them were leaked. the two were forced to split and stayed separated for over a year where they both explored other connections namely jisung with eden and heeyoung with hwiyoung of sf9 . neither of them were over the other and they rekindled their relationship january 2022.

p l a y l i s t ღ

#╰ ❛❛ // 𝐕𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐃 ┊ always vivid 「 dev ! 」#aes!ocnet #deluxeocnet #fictional idol community #idolverse #kpop idol oc #idol oc #idol!au #fake kpop idol #idol au #idol!oc #kpop addition #Spotify

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doverstar · 2 years

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Still about Laura, the show doesn't really make it clear exactly what kind of person she is. BUT I see Laura as being really abusive, maybe not narcissistic (?), but I think she should really hurt Chrissy psychologically to make Vecna see her as a potential victim. So I believe that Laura and Chrissy really must have had a difficult relationship, I don't think it's just something that Laura could have carelessly commented on. But I agree with you, I don't think Laura would be mean to her so explicitly. I believe she would be that kind of person who thinks she's always right, as you said. Anyway, it's just speculation. I understand you don't want to put something in your fic that there is no canonical confirmation, it's nice actually you try to stay true to the show, I like that.

I believe you're right and it's an obviously abusive relationship. Vecna picks victims who are haunted by certain things. Chrissy is haunted by her own self-image issues and her relationship with her mother, which is emotionally abusive. Absolutely. I'm glad you agree! Yeah, most of the details of the abuse are just speculation. It's like the majority of the Hellcheer fandom has the same general idea of what Chrissy's problem is, what she wants, and who her mom is and what their relationship's like. And they all seem to interpret Eddie's reactions to these other facts the same way, too. From what I've seen on various platforms, usually people write it as though Chrissy has an eating disorder because of the way her mom fusses about her weight, or makes little comments, or projects her own past body-image onto her daughter. They write Laura as spiteful, willfully cruel with full self-awareness, treating Chrissy like she's her little doll to dress up or a prop to position in her "perfect life" stage set. Sometimes Laura is written with backhanded compliments, disguising horrible insults with a false-sweet tone or ordering Chrissy around in unnecessarily mean ways with the reasoning that it's for her own good. In all these fanfics or headcanons online, Eddie almost always notices very quickly that A. Chrissy is not eating, B. Chrissy is insecure about her looks, C. Chrissy's mother is to blame. He also usually tries to get Chrissy to eat in the fics and either buys her food or makes her food. And fanon!Eddie always hates Laura Cunningham and always recognizes the relationship as an abusive one. It's a little too contrived and on-the-nose for me, but if that's how the majority agrees it must be, then that's fine and who am I to say it's incorrect? I just view things differently. I'm gonna ramble, here we go- I think for sure if Eddie were to realize Chrissy's mom is making her miserable, or that Chrissy's mom treats Chrissy in a way that's unkind or makes Chrissy feel ugly or undervalued, he'd of course not be Laura Cunningham's biggest fan. But I also think he'd just be extra encouraging and nice to Chrissy to counteract her mom's rude ways. I don't think Eddie would call it abuse or understand it as abuse the way we do today. I think he'd know it's objectively wrong and that Chrissy shouldn't have to deal with that from anyone, let alone her own mother.

And I think Eddie would see Chrissy's not eating (if she has an ED at all, and she might) and yeah, be concerned, but it would take him a while to understand that it's a normal thing for her to refuse to eat. Like, I think his first reaction, if he'd never had any experience with an ED before, would be to think she's just unhappy and has no appetite. Or that she feels sick because of stress/worry/misery and doesn't feel like eating right now. I think it would take some time before he realized that the girl starves herself on purpose. Eddie is smart, and he's intuitive and empathetic, but if you've never seen an ED before or heard much about it, (I have known at least two people who had a mild ED in the past), you won't know right away that that's what a person is doing when they don't eat. So I think it's too contrived to have Eddie recognize it for what it is and then immediately know the right things to say and do to help Chrissy. I think Eddie would eventually learn exactly why Chrissy is struggling and then in his own extroverted, haphazard way, try to make her feel better and let her see very casually that she doesn't have to worry about his opinion. In fact, his own life motto seems to be to not care that much what other people think of him. I think he'd slowly try to impress that upon Chrissy. I think he'd try to share that freedom with her, show her he's a safe space. Maybe if, after befriending Eddie, she gets used to feeling comfortable in her own skin and stops believing whatever Laura is saying/doing at home to put her in so much pain, Chrissy can expand that confidence to the rest of her relationships/life outside of Eddie. And I also think that if Chrissy's other friends in school really understood how she felt, there's no way none of them would try to be that safe space for her too. There's got to be people she feels at least a little comfortable with than just Eddie. Otherwise any romance with Eddie would seem like it came from him being the only friendly option, the only person to make her feel normal. He shouldn't have to make her feel normal. He should make her feel special. And the special feeling shouldn't come from the fact that he's the only human being in Hawkins to treat her like she should be treated: like she looks fine and she's a likeable person and she has value. I dunno. That's my take on it. Thanks for letting me ramble!

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artsychaosbean · 1 year

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I watched a video and it infuriates me

youtube

My issue with the video is this is a mom vs a professional nutritionist. This is another case of a mother who stubbornly thinks she cant possibly be wrong.

I was forced to eat peas and beans, I have autism. I can't handle the texture of peas or beans. I was forced to eat garlic with a garlic allergy.

I was forced to overeat

Many parents not all but MANY parents take a "I know your body best" stance and IGNORE the words of their child. Forcing a kid to eat is just as bad as depriving them of food. and it does cause EDs I went through 2 different eating disorders and my relationship with vegetables and meat has been soured my whole life since I was a child. I have to force myself to eat vegetables and it has to be cooked in specific ways. I don't WANT to be this way and didnt make myself this way. Same with meat, unless its fish I struggle to eat meat even though I love the taste of chicken I was forced to eat so much meat even when full it makes me want to puke.

I developed stomach problems aswell so I cant eat as much anymore and my digestion is messed up. I cant digest beef, pork, brussel sprouts, peppers or beans at all anymore.

So this "Tough love" Mom just comes off ignorant. Shes stuck in that same toxic mind set and keeps talking over the nutritionist who seems like a very polite person. when I was forced to eat food I got an ED that made me have an aversion to food, eating caused me panic attacks. When I was fat shamed despite not eating much bc I did have weight problems even though I ate little, ate healthy and was active, but the result was I started skipping meals and sneakily putting meals back and throwing up. I was starving myself.

Then later on in life I got the opposite end of that eating disorder over being fat shamed and I'd starve myself still at meal times but then guilt binge a bunch of junk food and hide the wrappers and packaging in the garbage, and then guilt starve myself again for eating. it was a vicious cycle.

Some parents do NOT understand that kids aren't just manipulative whiny attention seeking little devils. Which is how they treat their children. STOP EXPECTING THE WORST IN YOUR CHILDREN. COMPROMISE, TALK TO THEM AND TREAT THEM LIKE HUMAN BEINGS.

When you expect the worst in your child and treat them off of that, you cause resentment. When you don't listen to your child even if they never have lied to or manipulated you in their life, you teach them that no one will ever believe them and that affects their self image. When you don't listen to your child on their health, they won't listen to their own body and start ignoring the signs of health complications. That could KILL your child if the psychological damage goes too far. I was ignored on numerous occasions and got injuries from it or ended up almost in the hospital. My mother then turned around and made it all about herself being a victim "IF YOU JUST LISTENED TO ME ABOUT THIS UNRELATED THING A WEEK AGO THIS WOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED" as I sit there with my thighs entirely bruised unable to walk bc I had an injury that got irritated bc she forced me out when I told her I couldn't and warned her my injury would get worse. But bc shes the mother she "Knew best" and didn't take responsibility when I got hurt worse bc she ignored me.

Yknow what that taught me? That I can't TRUST my MOTHER to take care of my physical needs. That I have to take full care of myself. This means as a teen I wouldn't tell her if I was in pain, even when it got to the point where I SHOULD have been hospitalized. Because I no longer TRUSTED her to tell her. bc of HER actions and HER words. TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN. LISTEN TO THEM. DONT TAKE THEIR CONCERNS LIGHTLY. and if your child is being "Picky" consult professionals if no way you cook something works. Because if they complain about texture it very well could be adhd or autism. And if its not, and if they dislike that item regardless of how you cook it. Let it go, find other foods they might like in the same food group. Dont like cauliflower? Try broccoli. Again try it in different recipes dont keep trying the same thing over and over expecting them to just "get used to it" bc maybe its the way you cook it. I hate tomatos cooked for example bc of the heat and texture but I love them raw in a salad. It doesn't mean I dont eat tomatos, it just means I don't like them cooked and thats not that hard to do. And NEVER hide the food from your child. If you do that will also create a negative relationship with food and a distrust in you as a parent which will make them LESS likely to willingly try new things which can impact their relationship with other foods. If they don't like hot dogs, try "pigs in a blanket" But dont HIDE that its hotdogs in it, let them know. Make an agreement with your child to try everything ONCE and to try every new recipe ONCE. but don't pressure them or scream at them even if its frustrating. Yelling at your child just makes it harder on them especially if its autism. As a child who was forced into EVERYTHING and never had a choice. I have now grown into an adult with a lot of self image issues, a bad relationship with two essential food groups, and more triggers for my PTSD and Anxiety. It impacted my mental health and self worth. Im not the only one, I have a group of 12 friends on discord who all went through similar things with the same / similar consequences in their life from the issue. We all have a fear of foods now and we all had eating disorders as children and teens bc of our parents.

#disordered eating mention #trigger warning! Eating disorder #autism #neurodivergence #bad parenting #physical health #picky eating #autism & food #Youtube

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ed-recovery-affirmations · 2 years

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what am i supposed to do when i can’t avoid someone who is triggering to be around? every time i go to a family dinner i have to hear about how much my cousin eats and her workouts. today she literally brought up her exact weight, which was deeply upsetting. i’m sure she has an ed, i’m not sure if she knows it or not. either way, i always find myself trying to eat less around her and i always leave gatherings really really upset

First of all, I'm sorry for how delayed my responses are lately! I'm really struggling to reach my academic goals right now, so I've been kind of drained in regards to everything else in my life.

That's really hard, OP. You can't tell her she has an ED if she doesn't want to hear it - a lot of crash-dieters definitely have conventionally approved EDs, it's incredibly toxic. And I know that EDs are really competitive - I'm sorry you feel pressured to eat less and that you have your eating experience affected by this person.

Do you have supportive parents or anyone else in the family you can confide in? Maybe you could talk to them, not specifically about your ED but you can just generally say you've been struggling with your body image and that it would help if they'd help you subtly redirect the conversation. Or you could try bringing this up with your cousin. Make sure you frame it in terms of "I want to be supportive of you, so this isn't me trying to minimize something that's important to you" because that's most likely to get her to listen and to not be defensive about you protecting your own health. You could just say "I'm dealing with some body image issues right now. It's not about you and I'm not asking you to take responsibility for it, only that you be supportive.

But of course if you don't have supportive family, or if they're people you just can't talk to about this stuff, that's much more complicated and frustrating. It's definitely common - when I was younger I absolutely would not have confided in my own family about anything ED-related or looked to them as a resource for support that way. If that's the case, you might want to think about what internal resources work for you. Focus on reframing YOUR thinking - you can't take responsibility for your cousin, only your own wellness. When she starts talking about her latest diet, try to block her voice out and think to yourself, "I'm so sorry that her relationship to food is so disrupted. That's concerning for her. I'm not responsible for her well-being, only mine." Maybe you could work on some affirmations you could repeat to yourself on the way over to family events, and you could even retreat to the bathroom just to repeat your affirmations to yourself when you get triggered. Find out what works for you.

If you find yourself eating less anyway, maybe you could ask for leftovers? You could say you're not hungry but you'd like to enjoy the food later. You have to be careful of that too, because with EDs publicly restricting and then eating alone can turn into an unhealthy pattern too. It's hard that EDs can be so sneaky and redirect into almost anything we try to do. But you deserve to enjoy your food experience. Just know you're not alone, OP - I think we all struggle with family functions, especially ones where the event is centered around a meal!

#ed recovery #diet culture

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lastpawnontheboard · 1 year

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20th November 2022

Maybe I got into cooking because of how obsessive I have always been with food. I tried everything to lose weight when I was younger from starving myself to throwing up to drinking those disgusting weight loss teas and I ended up just binging again. So I decided to teach myself about food and what I should be eating, what foods are good for what, which nutrients I need, and learned to love vegetables and nuts that I would have turned my nose up at before. I love to cook and part of me thinks it’s a kind of torture I put myself through, it’s the only hobby I’ve ever been able to keep up because if I don’t I will buy junk food and gain weight again. I was never fat, but my mum has always had issues with her weight too and I think that rubbed off on me quite a lot. She would make subtle comments about being rounder than average even though at my heaviest I was 12 stone. It gave me body dysmorphia and the feeling that I would never be as skinny as my friends but the older I get the more I realise that’s just the way I’m built. There is nothing that I can physically do to give myself stick thin legs without literally starving myself. I remember being about 10 years old sat in the car on my way home from school using my hands to cover parts of my legs and picture what they would be like skinnier. Now I just wear baggy pants. Having issues with your weight and body image is not something you ever really recover from, it’s always there in the back of your mind. Wondering whether or not you should make yourself sick because you ate “too much” or weighing yourself every morning just to make sure you haven’t gained any weight. Except now, I can cook for myself and exercise in my own time and make sure that I am putting the right foods in my body to stay skinny. I wish it was a case of wanting to be healthy and have more energy but it isn’t and never will be.

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leesh · 3 years

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#tw weight and food and body image #so long story short #i’ve always been careful what and how i eat when in public because i’m not thin and always anxious about how everyone views me #just fat girl things hehehe #anyway one of my really good friends is always so surprised when she sees me eat a lot because i just Don’t when in public #like i rmemeber shoving a handful into chips in my mouth once and she said she was so proud of me #and today she made a comment how she can tell my periods coming bc i never eat this much #there’s been other instances too but these are what come to mind now #and like she has her own body image and weight and food issues too #we had a bit of a chat about it today which was nice and eye opening from both sides #but yeah #i just think it’s so Out There hearing her speak so positively of me stuffing my face #because it goes against all my anxieties shdbxj #like i know she’s genuine and not judging me at all #it’s just.....peculiar #and with her own issues i know that’s how she sees herself but she doesn’t see me that way either #body image is such a tricky subject and it’s just i guess eye opening and a strong reminder that we all see each other differently #how we see ourselves in our own eyes doesn’t mean that’s how someone else sees us #anyway #yeah #just me having some Thoughts

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kurosukii · 3 years

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𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥

pairing: matsukawa issei x f!reader

summary: you’re so glad that you married a loving and doting man who cares for your child as if she’s his own flesh and blood; you just didn’t expect that his son would take a certain liking to you as well...

genre: smut, stepcest au

warnings: 18+. noncon/dubcon, pseudoincest (stepcest), somnophilia, dubcon cheating, milf reader, use of ‘mommy’ (not in the femdom way), creepy and possessive issei, slight voyeurism and exhibitionism, body image issues, corruption, manipulation, panty sniffing, multiple orgasms, dirty talk, unprotected sex, mutual masturbation, spitting, degradation, praise, size kink, breeding kink, biting, nipple play, oral (f receiving), humping, cockwarming, cumplay, creampie, overstimulation, mating press, doggy style

word count: 6.4k

author’s note: for @karasunosimp‘s it’s raining milk collab! thank you for letting me join! hehe so it’s another stepcest au,,, also i’ve already written for 3/4 of the seijoh four EEK (let me know if i missed any warnings!) (MINORS DNI)

° thank you to @meiansmistress @ssrated1volleyballplayer @bokuroskitten @anime-nymph for beta-reading and editing! <33

[11:53 AM]

“have fun at the amusement park! stay safe and always listen to your dad, okay?” you say sweetly to your jumping daughter.

you giggle at her excitement, your heart and cheeks warming when you see her eyes twinkling with unbridled joy as she holds her stepdad’s finger with her entire hand.

“bye mommy! i’ll see you later when we get back! have fun with nii-chan!” she answers loudly, squealing when your husband picks her up and twirls her around as they walk down the path to the car.

you wave them off, returning inside and closing the door with a click. you wince at the sound, louder now that your daughter’s giggles and squeals are gone.

meanwhile, issei leans against the wall with his thick arms crossed as he shamelessly looks you over from head to toe. he slowly licks his bottom lip, clearly liking what he sees.

you’re now hyper aware of your bare nipples brushing against the fabric of your shirt, and paired with the flimsy linen shorts you’re wearing, the room definitely feels hotter with the sexual tension that’s permeating the air

sexual tension that you’ve been blatantly ignoring ever since you married into the matsukawa household.

“why are you always so nervous around me, mommy?” issei asks, feigning innocence. his eyes twinkle and lips stretch into a smirk when he sees your breath hitch.

you don’t bother to grace him with an answer, heavy lump forming in your throat as you speed walk past him and into the kitchen.

he chuckles at your reaction and pushes himself off the wall, following you as his eyes watch your swaying hips. issei is hungry and it has more to do with the woman in front of him rather than the steaming plate of food on the table.

after you’re done fixing up the table and finally take a seat, you pray to any higher being within earshot to ask for strength in dealing with your wayward stepson.

you really don’t like being alone with him and it’s not because you don’t want to be around him. it’s because you’re afraid of what he might do to you.

you weren’t born yesterday and you’ve lived a long enough life to know when a man is looking at you like he wants to spread your legs and pound you until you’re a writhing mess underneath him.

because that’s how issei looks at you and he’s not ashamed about it either. it genuinely shocks you because his father—your husband—can be in the room and issei will still undress you with his eyes.

you thought you were being delusional at first, ashamed at how you secretly accused your husband’s son of leering at and having inappropriate thoughts about you.

it turned out that you weren’t wrong, however, because you came home one afternoon to get something you left, expecting that no one would be there so imagine your shock when you passed by issei’s slightly opened door and heard him pleasuring himself.

you were about to run back downstairs until you heard him groan your name as he was stroking his cock. you choked out a gasp as you stood by his door. he was naked, tanned body glistening with sweat as he fucked his hand.

you couldn’t help but gape at his thick and long cock—bigger than your husband’s, as much as you were ashamed to admit—and you watched him for a few minutes, panties drenched with how much slick and pre-cum was leaking out of issei’s, for lack of a better word, horsecock.

your face burned when his hips jerked and he sprayed his cum all over himself, moaning your name long and hard as his body twitched from the stimulation.

needless to say, you went back to work with soiled panties and a hot face, not knowing that watching issei masturbate to the thought of you would be the turning point that led to the taboo relationship with your stepson.

the sound of utensils falling and clanging break you from your memories; your face burns at being caught red handed and you squirm uncomfortably in your seat.

issei apologizes for the disturbance and continues eating, never failing to wink every time you glance at him. he knows the effect he has on you and he relishes in it, teasing his stepmom endlessly.

he can’t wait to expose you for the little whore you actually are, and what better than to seize the opportunity of the both of you having the house all to yourselves?

“your little one and my dad are out bonding in the amusement park and i know for sure that they’ll be there all the way into the night,” he says, setting down his utensils and wiping the corner of his mouth with a napkin.

the movement of his hands causes the many rings on his fingers to reflect against the light and he looks at you from under his thick lashes, brown eyes smoldering with shameless desire.

“so why don’t we do some bonding too?” he asks and chuckles when you choke on your food. he reaches for your cup of water and hands it to you, thick and ring-clad fingers brushing against yours as you take it from him.

“you’d like that, wouldn’t you, mommy?” he whispers, his voice raspy and deep. you shiver at his sensual tone, fingers gripping the cup hard. you clear your throat loudly after swallowing, willing yourself to ignore his advances and innuendos.

“i’m tired, issei. i’m going to take a nap after eating,” you say sternly, glaring when he seems not to take you seriously. he laughs lowly, letting out an okay, whatever you say, before standing up and stretching.

your cheeks warm when he groans, similar to the one you heard before, and you jump out of your chair and begin to gather all the plates and leftover food.

“let me clean up, hmm? you did all the cooking and prepping. ” issei stops you with a large hand on your forearm. his skin is hot to the touch but his rings feel cool, the juxtaposition making you lightheaded.

he’s breathing down on you, large body covering yours while his intoxicating scent invades your senses. you shake your head and mumble out a garbled ‘thank you’ before you leave the kitchen and issei, practically sprinting up the stairs and towards the room you share with your husband.

you close the door once you’re inside, breathing heavily as you hear your heartbeat in your ears. damn him, you growl in your head. you ought to give him an earful about personal spaces and appropriate manners.

you sigh loudly as you walk to the dresser, intent on changing into your silky nightgown for your midday nap. you wear the garment to help you feel attractive, despite your age and changed body. you remove your shirt over your head and shiver when you see how hard and pebbled your nipples are.

even though your mind refuses to succumb to issei, your body is a whole different story. you wince when you remove your shorts and feel the dampness in your panties, making shame and guilt course through you as you put on your nightgown.

of all the people in the world, only your husband should make you feel this way. no one else, and certainly not his son. what would he think of you? what would your daughter think of you?

fuck, why are you even allowing yourself to think like this?

you know that if you ask issei to stop acting inappropriately towards you, he would listen—wouldn’t he?

you know the reason why you allowed this whole forbidden staring and teasing to go on for so long was because you felt lonely. which angers you, because you have a loving husband and you couldn’t ask for anything more.

but he didn’t exactly make you feel desired. sure, you’ve been intimate with him but he didn’t look at you the way you want to be looked at—like you’re the sexiest woman he’s ever seen. you feel ashamed, as if all the attention and love your husband gives means nothing to you.

as someone who has gone through major bodily changes, the ugly face of insecurity easily rears its head when you look at yourself in the mirror—but that doesn’t mean you regret having your daughter, not at all.

it’s just one of those things that has been ingrained in you and you find it hard to escape. which is why whenever issei looks at you with hungry eyes, you can’t help but feel wanted, desired.

it’s as if he doesn’t care about the extra weight you put on or the stretch marks on your body—no, he doesn’t care about any of that. you wouldn’t have believed it if it weren’t for his incessant teasing and the fact that he masturbates to the thought of you.

but you know it’s wrong, that it can never be. you sigh dejectedly as you lie down on the soft and cold bed, staring up at the ceiling. you have to talk to issei about this whole game and tell him to stop it before his father finds out.

and issei’s molten brown eyes are the last thing you think of before you finally close your eyes.

issei hums as he wipes his hands on the towel, looking in the direction you ran off. he smirks to himself as he puts back on his rings, body brimming with excitement and desire. time to pay you a visit.

he walks up the stairs, footsteps loud in the quiet house. he finds himself right in front of your door and leans his ear on the wood. he’s met with silence as he slowly turns the knob and enters the dimly lit room.

his eyes immediately find your sleeping form and he feels his cock stir in his pants, making the fabric tighten around his crotch.

fuck, you’re so god-damn beautiful.

long legs carry him over to you. he puts one knee on the bed, making it dip as his long fingers caress your cheek. his rings complement your complexion, his thumb and index finger lightly squeezing your parted lips.

he watches in fascination as your eyelashes flutter against your cheek and his cock twitches again when he hears your little whimper as he plays with your slightly damp lips.

his fingers continue their ministrations as his sharp eyes travel down your form, smirking when he sees your nipples poking through the silky fabric. to his delight, he notices your nightgown riding up your body, revealing the frilly white cloth of your panties.

he groans softly as his cock hardens and the bed dips even more as he puts his whole weight on it. he stops his movements on your face and maneuvers himself until his large body is over you.

his eyes burn holes through your panties and his breathing becomes heavier. god, he knows it’s wrong to touch and feel you up while you’re sleeping, but you’re so fucking breathtaking and he can’t help himself. after all, he’s been waiting for an opportunity like this to happen.

there’s a slight tremor in his hands as they hover over the exposed skin of your thighs. he lays them gently on your skin and he groans lowly in his throat. fuck, you’re so smooth and soft.

he squeezes them a few times before he gently pries your legs open, watching your reaction carefully in case you wake up. your breaths are still even and he takes that as a signal to spread your legs wider, raising them until your feet are planted on the bed.

he bites his lower lip to stifle his groan once he sees the wet patch on the center of your frilly panties. you’re such a fucking whore and he knows that it’s for him and only him.

he positions his body until he’s lying on his stomach, slightly rutting the bed to relieve the tension in his cock. his head moves between your legs, directly in front of your heated and covered pussy.

you stir slightly when you feel a breeze on your exposed skin, making issei stiffen. you settle down and he sighs in relief, thinking fuck it before he inhales the scent of your arousal.

he growls lowly in his throat at your smell, sticking out his tongue and licking a long and wet stripe up your covered slit. you moan softly, but that doesn’t deter issei from groaning into your cunt.

he raises his body and sits up on his haunches, hooking his fingers in the waistband of your panties. he slowly pulls them down and his eyes practically glow as he sees your bare pussy for the first time.

his throbbing cock twitches when he sees a string of slick connecting your cunt to your panties. he gently lifts your hips and stretches your legs so he can remove the soiled underwear, watching your sleeping face carefully before positioning your legs again.

he knows he’s a disgusting man, but what can he do when you’re offering yourself up so sweetly to him?

he bunches the fabric in his hand, ringed fingers making an indent on the cotton as he brings it up to his nose, closing his eyes as he inhales deeply.

he growls at your fresh scent, his body tensing at the new wave of arousal that drenched your panties. he watches as you squirm and move around, rubbing your thighs together as you whimper quietly in your sleep.

his eyes flash. is his naughty stepmom having a wet dream? that explains why your panties feel wetter in his hand...

well, issei is nothing but a man who makes women’s dreams come true, and it just so happens that you’ve captured his attention—and quite frankly, his dick.

he throws your panties to the floor after a few more sniffs and quickly dives back between your legs. he’s up close to your naked pussy, pupils blown wide as he stares at your hole that’s clenching around nothing.

you’re wet but not wet enough by his standards, so he gathers all the saliva he has in his mouth and parts your folds with two thick fingers. he spits on your cunt, the little sound coursing through the quiet room.

he watches intently as the globule of spit slides down your lower lips and you shiver, moaning at the cold feeling between your legs. you squirm more as your mind gets filled with a certain haziness, unable to distinguish what’s real and what’s a dream.

throwing caution out the window, issei wastes no time and finds your clit, suckling it into the damp heat of his mouth. he groans at the taste of your pussy, his hips rutting the bed once more.

the vibrations from his lips make you moan loudly and arch into issei’s mouth. your eyes are squeezed tightly as you thrash around the bed, making you instinctively close your legs, squeezing issei’s head between them.

his hands grab your thighs, the cold rings on his fingers digging into your skin as he pries them open. he shakes his head with your clit in his mouth, making you cry out and tremble.

god, your dream feels so fucking real. you’ve never felt pleasure like this before and you love it. your fingers grip the sheets as you involuntarily roll your hips, following the motions of issei’s tongue and lips.

his chin is drenched with his saliva and your juices as the bed creaks from the rutting of his hips. frankly, he doesn’t care how loud and sloppy he’s being if it means you’re this responsive.

issei lets go of one thigh and moves his arm under him while his mouth continues to suck and lick your clit. he watches through his lashes as your chest rises and falls quickly, cute moans falling from your mouth.

the silk of your nightgown is dark with how heated your body is, your sweat dampening the fabric. your nipples are so hard that they’re poking through the garment.

his tongue flicks against your puffy clit as he slowly inserts two fingers—the ones that aren’t adorned with rings—into your leaking cunt.

the feeling of his long fingers inside your pussy makes you cry out and your toes curl from the full feeling. the new stimulation and volume of your pleasured sounds awakens you, your foggy eyes wide and confused.

you’re still groggy when you sit up and lean on your hands, your mind processing what’s happening when you realize that it wasn’t a dream at all.

no, it’s real and issei’s really between your legs, lapping away and fingering your aching pussy. your mind clears and you choke out a gasp in between your moans as you watch him in shock.

issei watches the emotions cross your face the whole time and his chest puffs out, his ego rising knowing that he’s the one doing this to you.

your frantic eyes meet his and he winks slyly. you tug at his hair ready to pull his head and mouth off of you because this is so wrong, but he beats you to it. his tongue swirls and flicks faster at your pulsing bud, his fingers increasing their thrusting.

now that you’re awake, he doesn’t have to care about his volume anymore so he lets out loud groans and grunts, the vibrations reverberating through you and making your pussy tingle.

“issei, t-this is wrong! s-top! stop!” you beg, voice immediately turning into a loud moan when he ignores you and bobs his head faster.

he moans to himself, knowing that your body is betraying you because although you’re begging him to stop, your hand is tugging his hair as you desperately fuck his face and fingers.

you taste so good that he can’t stop even if he wanted to.

“i-i mean it! get off—oh my god!” you scream when he gives your clit a hard suck. coupled with the squelching sounds and speed of his thrusting fingers, you cum all over his mouth.

you breathe heavily, face flushed and blissed out as you watch issei kiss your inner thighs before rising between your legs.

his mouth and chin are glistening with your cum and his pink tongue darts out to lick his lips clean of your juices, groaning as he meets your eyes.

you notice the dark patch on his crotch and your cheeks flame when you realize that he came the same time as you, but that doesn’t ease your worries because his cock is still hard and twitching.

once you regain some of your bearings, you realize what exactly just occurred and you let out a little scream as you try to scramble away from issei, shame filling your body.

he doesn’t let you get away from him, however, because he immediately pushes you on your back and crashes his swollen lips to yours.

you yelp at the sudden movement and he takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth, grinding his hard cock on your wet and leaking pussy, further drenching the fabric of his pants.

you taste your essence as he massages his tongue with yours. you moan, tugging at his messy curly hair, trying and failing to pull him off you.

his hands find purchase on your thighs and he squeezes them, making you shiver at his cold rings. you whimper when he wraps your legs around his waist, grinding into you with a force harder than before.

your saliva mixes with his as the lewd clicking sounds of your mouths fill your ears. issei grinds on you one last time before he lifts his head from yours, lips separating with a trail of spit connecting them.

satisfied with kissing you, he stares at your face, gaze smoldering. you try to push him off you, but to no avail. he only tightens your legs around his waist as you struggle against him.

you suck in a breath as you feel the heat of his cock directly on your naked pussy. issei smirks lazily at you, tutting at you as if you’re inconveniencing him. your hands tug at his hair more, desperately trying to anchor yourself.

“if i had known your pussy tastes that sweet, my face would stay buried between your legs for the rest of my days,” he says suavely, his tongue darting out and licking his lips as he looks at yours.

you moan softly at his words and you’re now keenly aware of your nightgown sticking to your skin, making you uncomfortable as your nipples brush against the sweaty fabric. issei notices your discomfort and clicks his tongue.

“i think you’ve been hiding your pretty tits from me for far too long,” he whispers, his hot breath caressing your face. his hands move from your thighs and his fingers hook under the straps of your nightgown.

you shiver underneath him as his hands remove the sweaty fabric from your body, ring-clad fingers ghosting the sensitive skin of your arms.

you whine in distress as issei discards your nightgown somewhere behind him. you’ve never felt so exposed, your bare and glistening body being scrutinised by his dark eyes.

your insecurities start to get the better of you and you move your arms to cover your breasts and mound. issei stops you, large hands putting your arms back to your side.

“don’t hide from me, baby,” he whispers, his head dipping as he kisses the crook of your neck. his hands go to your chest and he palms both of your aching tits, squeezing and kneadingthe soft skin.

you moan, arching into the warm and cool feeling of his fingers. issei continues sucking and leaving marks on the skin of your neck as he whispers his thoughts.

“i know my dad doesn’t fuck you the way you deserve to be fucked,” he claims, making you squirm under his body that’s still clothed.

shame momentarily disappearing, you claw at his shirt and pants. he chuckles at your impatience and his hands leave your breasts for a moment, removing his shirt in record time.

he gets off the bed and makes quick work of his pants, kicking them off and quickly returning to the bed—to you. he didn’t give you the chance to look at his hard cock—not that you needed to anyway, because you already know what it looks like.

you yelp when issei puts his arms around you and settles you down on his lap, giving you a clear view of his cock that’s bobbing against his defined abdomen.

you gulp, nervousness filling your body as you stare at his large cock. seeing it up close is absolutely different—it’s longer and thicker than any other dick you’ve ever seen.

issei’s ego rises as he watches you. he’s always been proud of his size but seeing you? the object of his and his dick’s affections sitting on his lap? well, that’s enough to boost any man’s ego.

“see what you do to me?” he asks, guiding your hand to his throbbing cock. you whimper when you hold his shaft, your hand barely wrapping around him. issei hisses at the feeling of your soft hand touching his sensitive skin.

“you’re so fucking sexy and i can’t stop thinking about how you’d look like bouncing on my cock,” he admits, urging you to stroke his dick faster.

you slowly pump his shaft and moan when you feel his fingers—the same ones from before—find your swollen clit, slowly circling the pulsing bud. your free hand squeezes his shoulder as his fingers move faster.

you squeal when he inserts two fingers inside your cunt, making your hand squeeze his cock. he groans in at the stimulation, making his abs clench.

“i-ssei!” you whine, head thrown back as he pumps his fingers into you faster. the squelching sounds of his fingers scissoring your insides causes a knot to slowly form at the pit of your stomach.

“gotta prep this pussy more, baby,” he says breathlessly, watching your slack-jawed face as you stroke and twist his cock.

“still so fucking tight, can’t wait to sink into you,” he grunts, moving your body so he can get a better angle at your g-spot.

“bet i can fuck you better than my dad ever will, mommy,” he growls, curling his fingers inside of you as he ends his sentence. you lurch forward and cry out, eyes fluttering at the pleasure.

“see? you want my cock—shit—so badly, huh? look at how your hand is squeezing and s-stroking me, fuck,” he stutters, feeling his orgasm approach. his free hand squeezes your hip, keeping your balance.

you shake your head frantically at his statement, still not admitting that you want this, want him.

“stop fighting it. i know you want me as much as i want you,” he grates, curling his fingers again and making you wail at the pleasure. your fingers twist and pump his cock, pre-cum leak from the tip. your hand feels warm and slick as you continue to jerk issei’s shaft.

“gonna cum baby, cum with me,” he whispers into your skin, breaths heavy as the slick sounds of your fluids fill the room.

your body is trembling and you know you’re nearing your orgasm once more. you bury your face in the crook of his neck, moans and whimpers falling from your lips.

“c-cumming, issei!” you scream when his thumb circles your clit just as he curls his fingers again inside your tight pussy, hitting your g-spot perfectly.

he follows after you, hot spurts of his cum staining your hand and arm. he groans and throws his head back as he feels the heat of his essence coat his abs and thighs.

he removes his fingers from your cunt and gently pushes you back on the bed. you yelp when issei grabs the back of your thighs and pushes them to your chest, folding your body in half.

“i’m going to fuck you until all you and i can hear in this house are your cute and sexy moans,” he growls, spreading your legs and baring your clenching hole to his dark eyes.

his cock bobs as he moves forward and he takes hold of his shaft, one long vein on the underside. he taps it a few times on your clit, making you whine and close your eyes.

you take a deep breath as he inserts the tip, body shaking as his large cock goes inside of you, inch by inch.

you open your eyes and claw at his arms when the stretch starts to become uncomfortable. you look down and gasp, eyes wide as you have a clear view of his fat cock splitting you.

“god, you’re so fucking tight,” he growls, squeezing your thighs as he slowly bottoms out.

“you’re so big, issei,” you moan, leaning your head back on the pillow as your eyes flutter at the feeling of his cock stretching your walls.

“mhmm, big enough to fuck you the way you want to be fucked, mommy,” he chuckles then groans when your cunt squeezes around him.

“fuck—do you like it when i call you mommy?” he growls when your tight walls clamp down on him again. you shake your head, a futile attempt in proving him wrong.

“who knew my mommy is so kinky,” he mocks you and before you can even reprimand him, his entire length bottoms out in one swift thrust.

“issei! fuck!” you scream, scratching his forearms as your back arches, toes curling at the sudden thrust.

you feel so fucking full. of all the cocks you’ve taken, issei’s definitely tops the list. you can feel every part of him, from the single vein to the throbbing of his length.

he groans loudly, squeezing your thighs so hard that his rings will definitely leave bruises later. he fights to controls himself, willing not to cum at the feeling of your pussy finally enveloping him.

he sucks in a breath and leans his forehead against yours, pulling out slowly, leaving only the tip of his cock inside your pussy. you whine at the loss, missing the way he stretches you.

he thrusts back in, bottoming out as his tip teases the entrance of your cervix. you cry out in both pain and pleasure, still trying to adjust to his size.

he stays still inside of you for a few seconds before he places his hands on the bed, your calves resting on his upper arms. he starts thrusting, moving in and out of your cunt.

you mumble incoherently, breasts bouncing with each thrust issei makes. you grab both of his wrists, squeezing them as the sounds of your skin meeting his fill your ears.

issei groans and hisses, panting heavily as he pounds your pussy, his heavy balls slapping against your ass. he leans down to your ear, licking the sensitive skin and making your shaking body tremble even more as you whine.

“bet you’re happy now, huh?” he whispers in between his groans, biting your earlobe.

“w-what do you—oh my god, issei!” you stutter, but then he fucks you harder and faster, making you keen and arch your back. he makes your body contort into positions you’ve never been in before—until now.

“do you think you’re quiet when you touch yourself during your late night showers?” he asks you in a condescending manner, smirking when you whine at his statement.

“i can fucking hear you when i go to the kitchen. you’re such a slut. moaning your stepson’s name, imagining that he’s the one who’s touching your pussy,” he growls as he buries his head in your neck, his hot breaths fanning your skin.

“but i guess i don’t have the right to talk, huh? i fuck my fist every night and imagine it’s your tight cunt wrapped around me,” he finishes, nipping away at your skin before his hands return the back of your sweaty thighs.

he slaps them, in sync with his thrusts, making you wince at the metal of his rings. your shaking arms reach for your ankles, setting everything on display for issei.

you’re loudly chanting his name like a prayer, pleasure running through every nerve in your body. for the first time in your life, you’re actually enjoying getting fucked silly—never mind that it’s your stepson who’s making you moan like a pornstar.

his thrusts are heavy and deep as he slowly toys with your clit and you jerk when his fingers draw circles on the aching bud. your body’s trembling harder than before, loud moans and whines falling from your open mouth as drool seeps from the corners.

“i-i’m gonna cum, issei!” you squeal as the sound of the headboard hitting the wall and the squelching noises coming from your pussy make the pit in your stomach slowly tip over.

“cum, baby. cum all over my fat cock,” he whines, throwing his head back as he jackhammers into you, his cock throbbing and his balls tightening as he prepares to empty himself inside of you.

“c-cumming i-issei! fuck!” you scream, your hands squeezing your ankles as your legs shake from your intense orgasm. your cunt is practically suffocating issei’s cock, making his hips jerk and stop.

his mouth falls open into a loud and heavy groan as he spills his hot and sticky cum inside of you. there’s so much cum that it leaks out of you and around his cock as it drips down to the drenched sheets below your bodies.

you finally set your shaking legs down as your trembling body aches from your folded position. issei falls on top of you, elbows on the bed as his sweaty face is smothered by your breasts.

his cock is still inside of you, twitching as more cum spills inside of your soiled pussy. your heavy breaths fill the cool air of the room as you recover, feeling disgusting at all sweat and cum on and in your body.

issei lifts himself off of you and pulls out of your cunt, making you both sigh and groan at the drag of his cock. your mixed fluids immediately trickle out of your pussy and you moan at the thick feeling.

issei furrows his brows as his fingers scoop his cum and quickly pushes it back. you whine as the tips of his fingers tease your hole, squirming away from him as your clit throbs from the overstimulation.

you’re kind of expecting him to roll over you and lie down but he shocks you—it’s evident with the way you yelp when flips your body over to your stomach, his large hands raising your hips until you’re kneeling on the sheets.

“i can’t fucking get enough of you, baby,” he says breathlessly, chest still heaving at the previous round. but it’s true, he really can’t get enough of you—not when he knows the taste and feel of your pussy.

“i-issei, i-i can’t,” you whine when he holds his cock and hovers before your dripping cunt. he doesn’t pay any heed to your whimpers, mostly because he knows you still want more of this, more of him.

“you say that but your pussy is telling me a different story,” he smirks and you can hear the condescension in his voice as his thumb rubs the sweaty skin of your hips.

he doesn’t give you any time to reply because he quickly sinks into you, your mouth falling open into a loud moan as his fat cock stretches you open once more.

fuck, even if you’ve already taken him, the stretch and ache still feels the same. he’s so fucking big that you know you won’t ever get used to his size, no matter how many times he fucks you.

he doesn’t waste any time and starts rolling his hips, his thighs loudly slapping against your ass. he hisses as one of his hands lie flat on your back, pushing it down to form a deeper arch.

“i know you saw me jerking off. did you like the show i put on for you, mommy?” he growls, his other hand gripping the back of your neck and smothering your face on the sweat-stained sheets.

you moan into the fabric when you hear the mocking endearment, your drool mixing with all the other fluids. your fingers bunch the sheets between them as the loud creaking and thumping of the bed fill your ears.

“i came so hard because i knew you were watching me work my cock,” he groans, thrusting hard and deep. your cunt squeezes his cock when you remember that afternoon. so all this time? he was shamelessly coaxing you towards him?

you huff, pride slightly damaged when you hear his admission. you’ll show him that he’s not the only one who can fuck like an animal.

you whimper when you spread your knees—which is a feat in itself because issei’s thrusts practically send your body flying forward. you moan when he hits your sweet spot, making tingles run down your spine.

you start meeting his thrusts, no longer letting him do all the pulling and jostling. his eyes flash when he realizes what you’re doing, which only encourages him to fuck you harder.

his hands palm your jiggling ass, leaving marks on your soft skin. you leave your head buried in the sheets, the sheets, stifling your moans and whines because if you don’t, —you’ll definitely make the walls shake with how loud you are.

“yeah that’s a good girl. fuck yourself on my cock, come on,” he coaxes you, deep voice raspy as his own body trembles at the pleasure of your walls clamping down on his cock.

“fuck—look at how your slutty cunt is taking me,” he growls when you roll your hips, the angle sending new waves of pleasure to the both of you.

“god, i wanna fuck you in front of my dad just so he knows that your pussy belongs to me,” he hisses, holding your hips as he takes control of the pace again.

his thrusts become sloppy and erratic, the loud slapping of skin a constant symphony as he maintains the fast pace. you turn your head to the side and breathe deeply, choking out a moan as he continuously hits your g-spot.

“want me to make you a mommy again? get your belly all swollen and round with my kid?” he says, voice shaking as his heavy balls slap against your skin. he’s close, he can feel it.

you’re close too, just a few more deep and hard thrusts and you’ll gush around his cock again. issei leans over your body, his chest covering the entire expanse of your sweaty back.

you squeal when your knees drop and you fall flat on the bed, your entire front rubbing against the sheets. you whimper shakily when your nipples brush against the soft fabric, the extra stimulation making your body jerk back against issei’s thrusting cock.

“issei! g-gonna c-cum a-again!” you squeal, voice shaking from how raw your throat feels. your moans increase in pitch and volume the nearer you get to your orgasm.

“fuck, your pussy feels like heaven!” issei groans, his own voice increasing in pitch and volume as well as he reaches his limit. you feel his cock swell and throb before thick and hot spurts of his cum coat your clenching walls.

“issei—oh my god!” you wail, cumming at the same time as him. your mouth stays open in a silent scream as you close your eyes tightly, cunt spasming as you drench his cock with your essence.

you wince when you feel the squelching of your mixed juices as issei rolls to his side, bringing you with him. both of you are quivering with pleasure and overstimulation, breathing heavy with your chests rising and falling rapidly.

his cock finally softens inside of you, clearly spent for the day. more cum falls out of your pussy, staining your sweaty bodies even more.

his parted lips find your neck, sucking and licking away at glistening skin. you whine, tilting your head, exposing more skin for him to mark.

you sigh tiredly, exhaustion finally catching up to you. you don’t really care that you’re dirty and soiled with sweat and cum—or the fact that issei’s dick is still inside of you. you just want to rest.

your eyes droop, ready to fall asleep enveloped in issei’s warm chest and arms, along with the wandering of his soft lips on your neck—until you hear a very familiar voice shout from downstairs, loud footsteps running up the stairs.

“honey! issei! we’re finally home!”

[3:47 PM]

@semisgroupie @kurinoot @rosesandtoshi @kinsurou

if you want to join my taglist, please answer the form in my navi! ☀︎

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blossomkoushi · 3 years

Note

Bokuto with chubby reader 😳😳 maybe she’s having like a bad body image day and he just goes in with the compliments and telling her everything he loves about her body..just a thought hehe

HELLLLL YEAH

warning for descriptions of body issues and slight anxiety

bokuto had always been heavy with the compliments for you ever since you mentioned that you didn’t like your body all the time. that was in the beginning of your relationship, a quick mention just to warm him. and he never forgot about it.

“how is my beautiful baby doing today?” bokuto’s happy and loud voice filled your apartment, his strong arms coming around to hold you close to his chest. except you squirmed away, smiling apologetically and saying that you were doing fine.

but your boyfriend has gotten more and more observant after being with you for so long. he sees the way you shift under his gaze, tug anxiously on your sweater to make the fabric sit more loosely on your stomach, and how you seem to want to curl in on yourself. it breaks his heart, seeing you so uncomfortable in your own skin, shaking your head softly at his gentle praise. he pouts, opening his arms and pulling you into his chest, keeping you pinned in place despite your wiggles to get away.

“i love you.” his voice is much softer this time, putting weight onto every word and making you stop your squirming, forearms and hands pressed to his chest. “i love you so much.”

he pauses for a moment, hearing you sniffle and feeling your body shake from sobs as you cling to his tshirt, gripping the fabric tightly as you hold onto his back.

“you’re beautiful. i... i know you might not feel it right now... but you are. you’re the most gorgeous person i have ever seen. and you know i’m not good with lies, so you better believe me” he hears you hiccup out a small laugh and it makes him smile, “and i’ll remind you of it every single day if i have to. i don’t want you feeling bad about yourself, because it doesn’t matter what your body looks like.”

he gently moves his hands up to cup your chubby cheeks, tilting up to meet his eyes, determination burning in his gaze and falling off him in waves.

“it’s sexy, by the way. that’s what your body is. hot as hell.” his strong eye contact makes you want to believe him, your body burning hot with his direct confession. “but you’re so much more than that. you take care of me, and let me take care of you. you’re kind and funny and smart and you make the best food and you’re an amazing hugger and give the best kisses and you laugh at all my dumb jokes”

his lips meet yours in a gentle kiss, his hands moving down to your back again, groping over your torso and down your ass.

“and you’re so hot too. did i say that already?” he grins at you, chucking when you smack his chest. “i mean it! you’re so sexy. i love your hands, they’re so nice and soft compared to mine. chubby cheeks make you look adorable and they’re so nice to hold when we kiss. i love your hips, your stomach, your thighs, your arms and your ass.”

his hands roam over your body as he speaks, love and adoration lacing his words and making his touch gentle. his eyes eventually meet yours again, hands coming back up to hold your face.

“you’re absolutely perfect, my love. and all mine.”

#ITS SO LONG IM SORRY #but bo would 100% go over the top with the compliments and i stand by that #sunshine.flowers #sunshine.bokuto #sprout.bokuto #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #tw: body talk #tw: body issues #tw: body image #tw: body anxiety #me putting every single possible body trigger warning on here

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binkus-bonkus · 2 years

Text

This Body

Pairing: Zelink

Word Count: 1164

Link has gained some weight after the Calamity, Zelda shows him just how much she loves him.

Link was self conscious, although he knew he deserved to be comfortable, happy, safe, he still felt like he needed to be the image of the perfect hero. Lately, he hadn’t been. The Champion’s Tunic that he wore throughout his journey with Princess Zelda and the Champion’s no longer fit. As much as Link continued to deny that, no, it was not his weight that had caused the issue, he couldn’t deny it any longer. Link pulls the tunic over his head, adjusting the I’ll fitting fabric over his torso. It clings to him like wet sand, itching and unflattering. He pulls it the rest of the way down, or as far as it will go over his protruding stomach. He hates that part the most.

Out of all the new changes in his body, his stomach was the worst part. It hung low and heavy, the skin littered with pale stretch marks. He places his hands on his sides, feeling just how much softer he’s become and sighing, He was supposed to be the legendary hero, the image of courage and bravery not… some fat, lazy, run of the mill knight. Link once again sighs, because what else can he do? Other than cut down on carbs and counting calories, extra sword practice and back to being extra active. Although, thinking about it made his brain hurt. He wanted to eat good food, take care of his horses and live a simple life. Maybe he was overreacting, he wasn’t that big. Link turns to look at his profile in the mirror. Okay, so he is pretty big, but if he stood up straight… His stomach protrudeds outwards, definitely the widest part of his body. Link groans, fiddles with the tunic once more and gives up when it refuses to cover the curve of his belly. He runs his hands over his face, he didn’t want to go clothes shopping again, it was embarrassing and he didn’t want people to think he was losing his edge. Even to this day, after defeating the Calamity and proving to himself he was worthy he was still afraid of what people might think of him. It was absolutely exhausting. Link’s just about to struggle out of his tight clothes when Zelda makes her way up the stairs. Her eyes catch the state of his body before they meet with his own.

“What are you up to?” She asks, tilting her head and speaking in that soft manner she always does when she senses that something may be wrong. Link looks down, pulling the hem of the tunic once more, sucking in his gut. His cheeks redden as she approaches him.

“That can’t be comfortable, here…” She gently pulls the tunic over his head, smoothing his hair out once she’s folded it and laid it on the bed. Zelda smiles, her hands falling on her shorter partner’s shoulders. “Want to tell me what’s wrong?” Her voice is comforting but Link keeps his gaze averted downwards. He brings one hand up to the back of his neck and sighs softly. Zelda waits, ever patient for him like she always is, her hands never leave his body.

“It’s about this, isn’t it?” Her hand ghosts over his sucked in stomach, she wants to tell him to stop but she doesn’t know where his boundaries lie regarding the matter. She wants him to be comfortable, first and foremost. Zelda waits for a reaction, a sign, something from him to affirm that she was right. It’s a moment, a moment too long, but Link nods. She notices one of his pudgy hands move to his cheek and she assumes he’s trying his best not to get emotional. Zelda wraps Link into her arms, kissing the top of his head. She guides him towards the bed, moving the small tunic onto the nightstand.

“May I?” She motions to his body and she watches as Link hesitates. Zelda fears he’ll say no, she wouldn’t mind if he had said no but he nods. His body is very tense as she lays him back on the bed, proceeding to pull his tight pants down past his bubble butt and wide hips. Zelda places the pants with the tunic, making a mental note to replace the outfit later on before focusing her attention on her portly partner once more. He’s left in nothing but his skin tight boxers, completely exposed in front of her, at her mercy. Zelda’s hands explore his body, gently feeling every curve, every stretch mark, every scar. Her fingers dance across his skin, every touch feels electric and he tenses every time. She lowers her lips to press gentle kisses along his chest, the scar where the guardian had struck him over a hundred years ago, the new raised, inflamed stretch marks on his chest and belly, she even spreads his thighs so she can kiss the itching marks on the insides as well.

“Link…” Zelda hums against his skin, he shivers, tense and embarrassed. She kisses her way up to the fullest part of his belly.

“This body…” Lips ghosting over his navel, then gently pressing to hot skin.

“Has worked endlessly…” Zelda’s hands trace the curves of his love handles, pooching over the waistband of his boxers. He suppresses a quiet whine.

“Has saved so many people…” Link glances a look down at her as she leaves a trail of kisses across his lower belly where most of his stretch marks were.

“Has protected me…” She lifts her head from underneath his belly, her emerald eyes determined and fixed on his wavering cerulean.

“You deserve to rest, to feel at ease, to be protected.” Her lips meet his, passionate and soft, comforting and warm. Link almost believes her when she says it.

“This body shows that you are letting yourself rest, letting yourself be at ease, letting others protect you.” She smiles at him softly, running a hand through his wild hair.

“I love this body, and the man inside it. More than I could say. He truly makes me happy. Every day of my life I get to wake up next to him, I get to cook him meals and see him smile, watch him take care of the horses outside and help him buy groceries in town. I get to spend all of my living days with the most wonderful man. Yet he does not know how wonderful he is.” She smiles softly. “If you’d let me, I would love to show you every day just how beautiful you are, just how much I love and appreciate this body.” Zelda’s words run deep within him and however tense he was before, it all melts like ice leaving him in a pliable puddle. The blush that spreads from his cheeks to the tips of his ears is hot and Link looks up at her, his lips parting. A moment passes, a moment too long but he finally whispers;

“Please.”

#legend of zelda #botw #link #loz #binkus and smelda #loz botw #breath of the wild #binkus is an author #legend of Zelda fanfic #loz fanfic #chubby link #soft link #Zelda

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yandere-mha · 3 years

Note

Time to be horny. What’s everyone 20+ on your favourite list’s favourite sex act?

This request actually won first place for the Christmas gift vote so congrats!! Also it’s always time to be horny and no this is definitely not a debatable or problematic thing to say.

TW: SMUT, NSFW, NON-CON, RAPE, DUBIOUS CONSENT, BDSM, BLOOD MENTION, ORAL, PERIOD SEX, ABUSE, BODY IMAGE ISSUES, MENTAL ILLNESS.

READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION:

My favorite Yandere BNHA AU character’s favorite sex acts:

Dabi: So... As always with this man, he has a duality in regards to this as well. As we all know, he craves your touch and he wants to feel cared for. If you were to ride his cock/top him while you body worship him, he would probably explode in more ways than one. Even if you were only to do it once, he would treasure that memory and crave that feeling again for the rest of his life. However, he doesn’t ever ask for you to touch him - he either silently expects you to volunteer or uses his body as a punishment for you because he believes that no one would ever want to touch him like that. Whenever there would be moments of powerlessness and anger for him, he would accommodate for that in the form of violent, dominant, and often non-consensual sex. When this happens, he’ll become very talkative about how no one else can touch you like this and make you feel this good, but his actual objective is to make you feel smaller than him rather than to make either of you feel good. To be honest, he’s not very creative when it comes to sex, but when he feel like this he likes to hit you from the back in doggy style. That way, he feels more in control as he grips your hips and uses your body to fuck himself dry while also not feeling the vulnerability of having you look at his naked body. He will rip all of your clothes off while keeping himself as covered as possible. This is this another power move for him.

Hawks: Another one with a similar duality. He’s very touch starved due to isolation and he wants to feel your body against his. His absolute favorite sex position would be you sitting on his lap with either you facing him in a tight embrace while he slowly slides himself up and down your tight pussy, wrapping his wings around your exposed form or if you were to hit him from behind as he lays flat on the bed and you put your full weight on top of him. However, like Dabi, he will not voice this desire to you because of how self sacrificing he is and the fact that he would rather you feel protected by him than the other way around. Though he usually wants to be a bottom, he’s usually a very soft dom. He’s very careful not to hurt or overstimulate you and he prioritizes your pleasure over his own. Because of this, his most commonly used sex method is giving you very slow oral as you splay your body on the bed or couch and sling your legs over his shoulders.

Shigaraki: His favorite act is you body worshiping him as he power bottoms you, either slamming your hips down on his cock and fucking himself or controlling the tempo from the back. He simultaneously wants to be taken care of while also feeling the need to be in control. Because of this, though being a bottom would be the most pleasurable for him, he would not admit this to you and if he’s especially angry, empowered, or embarrassed, he’ll insist on being the dominant one. In times like these, he loves to fuck your face, pulling your hair back minus one finger in a non verbal threat to behave and worship him as he slams his hips down your throat and makes you gag.

Twice: Another one who wants to feel as close to you as possible. Any sex position or location won’t matter to him as long as you’re in a tight embrace that makes him feel your heart beat in your chest. If you even so much as loosen your hold or your arms get tired, his feelings will be hurt and he’ll begin to cry, begging you to just hold him.

Fatgum: As I’ve expressed before, yandere!fatgum has a bit of a weird relationship with gender roles even with a male s/o. I don’t specifically want to say that he’s sexist, he loves powerful and intelligent women, but he desperately wants to have the most average family you can imagine since he sees himself as the perfect father figure and you as the perfect mother figure. He wants to win the bread for you and your kids as you play the role of the main caregiver. Because of this, we wishes he could be a top, but he’s very much aware of his size and has a fear of crushing you, so he will never risk topping you. However, he finds other ways to feel more dominant like controlling the tempo of your thrusts. His absolute favorite thing is when he comes home from a tiring day at work and you gently pull out his enormous cock, doing your best to please him with your mouth as he sits back with a beer and lets you take care of the rest. Bonus points if whenever you come up for breath, you feed him food you’ve prepared for him. You have such a great way of taking care of him.

Stain: He is very dominant during sex and will never let you do any such thing as top him. In fact, he is the one who chooses when, where, and how you have sex. However, his immediate goal is to pleasure you rather than himself. His mindset is that he knows your body better than anyone else, including yourself, and if you say that you don’t want something you’re wrong because he knows that you do. His favorite thing to do is to use his quirk on you, making your body go limp so that he can use it however he sees fit. He doesn’t like to hurt you more than he sees necessary in cutting you for your blood, but he will mercilessly suckle and nipple at the wound in the hopes of any more blood seeping out of it. He has a blood kink, so he loves to do this while he lays you out on your side, resting your top leg between his thigh and hip as he sits upright on his knees and pounds into you from the side, filling you in the most foreign of ways while he gently grips your injured hand in his maw with an adoring look on his face. He also loves to give oral if and while you’re on your period.

Aizawa: While he mostly likes to be dominant, he is very shy about it and prioritizes your pleasure over his own, so if you want to do something else, he’d be flattered that you’d want to do anything with him at all. He’s also very affectionate during sex and will need to physically feel your shared adoration instead of just petty sexual longing. If you’re not either making intense and unbroken eye contact, softly caressing each other’s skin, or kissing in some way he wants nothing to do with it. His favorite position is when he straddles your hips as you lay down on the bed and he slides himself back and forth much too slowly while looking down at you with tears in his eyes. He also loves sleepy morning sex where you both cling to each other on your sides or spoon as he thrusts into you slowly while sucking on your neck. You always have to be facing each other or spooning.

Overhaul: Much like Stain, he is the soul person to decide when, where, and how you have sex. However, unlike Stain, he will not entertain the idea of caring to pleasure you as this is solely for the purpose of him letting his need for dominance and aggression out on you. He’s a germaphobe, so he won’t like anything messy like coming anywhere on your body besides your holes (pussy, ass, and mouth). You are never in control even in terms of oral and the only time you’re allowed to pleasure him with your mouth is if he’s fucking your face. If you get any drool on him or fail to swallow all of his cum, making a mess of yourself, he will drag you by your hair to the sink to wash your mouth out, saying how disappointed he is in you and how disgusting you are. Because of this, his favorite sex act is pounding into you against the shower wall as the water washes away any sweat, tears, or cum between the two of you. His idea of after care is scrubbing you with soap until you feel your skin tear. Just to be clear, he isn’t sadistic, he just doesn’t care about your comfort.

Miruko: She can’t get off on gentle sex and will always need to be violent towards you in one way or another. She has a very high sex drive, so she loves to overstimulate you and make you cum until you pass out. She loves choking you and picking you up over her shoulders just to show you how strong she is. However, she’s a sucker for a challenge and her favorite thing is for you to try to dominate her... Don’t actually succeed though or she’ll get Mad. She’s extremely creative with sex since she needs it often and she gets easily bored, but one thing that always remains the same is her dirty talk and teasing. She also very much enjoys is tying your hands up, edging you, and leaving the room before finishing you off. She thinks it’s hilarious.

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blahkugo · 4 years

Text

Omakase

Pairing: Shouto Todoroki x Reader

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: 18+, smut, slight overstim, all characters are aged up, ofc.

A/N: Happy birthday to the woman that literally birthed my blog, the writer of the best fics I’ve ever read-- *cough Notice, Seven Minutes, Of Love and Lemons, etc.*-- @lookslikeleese. It’s 5 am right now and my brain cannot come up with the proper words, but just know I love you so much. Thank you for creating our entire friend group. I LOVE YOU.

omakase (noun):

(in a Japanese restaurant) a meal consisting of dishes selected by the chef; chef’s choice.

Thirty minutes into supper with the Todorokis, you think your heart may actually stop beating. It’s not the awkward silence, nor the snowstorm of icy glares traveling across the table. You’ve long since made your peace with the scents of charred leather couches and melted silverware that linger in your hair whenever one of the men gets riled up.

No, it’s an issue far more pressing than the typical family drama, a matter that needs to be resolved with stealth— immediately.

It’s Shouto’s fingers, darting into his pocket and pressing a single button. It’s your heels digging into the cool tile beneath you. It’s every nerve standing on end, every passing second sending a wave of heat to your core. Your knuckles blanche, gripping the oak table with such ferocity that it may just snap, and your thighs shake, overwhelmed.

The issue is that there’s a little pink vibrator pressing against your clit and the bi-colored bastard chews his food as though this night is no different than any other.

It doesn’t matter that the toy’s been placed at the lowest setting all night, doesn’t matter that your fingernails relieve a bit of the pressure every time you dig them into your exposed thighs. The only thought crossing your mind is your impending orgasm. How are you supposed to stifle euphoric pleasure when you’re barely able to hold it together now?

“So, how’s that new job going?” Enji asks more out of courtesy than interest. While you typically humor his attempts at placid conversation, you’re too troubled to speak to the stoic man in front of you. What if your juices seep through your soaked panties right onto the chair?

“It’s— ah- it’s really good.”

And this has been your entire night thus far. Feeble efforts to remain coherent, whines and gasps hidden behind awkward coughs— anything and everything you can possibly do to maintain your dignity in the presence of your boyfriend’s father.

“What was that funny story you were telling me earlier today?” Shouto doesn’t miss a beat, sending a quick slant your way before stuffing another bite of rice into his mouth. He knows precisely what he’s doing, can feel the pointed daggers you dig into the side of his head, but his relaxed smile reveals nothing to the three pairs of eyes gazing intently at you, awaiting your response.

“Oh, Mt. Lady, she— oh my god,” As soon as you begin speaking, he cranks the toy up to a new level. Though it’s only for a second, the sound that leaves your body is inhuman, a mortifying cross between a sob and a choke that has your palm slamming onto the table fiercely.

All at once, the table is bustling with concern for your safety. To their naive eyes, it seems you choked on a bite of food, and Fuyumi hurries to grab you a glass of water. Shouto simply remains seated, a slick grin plastered across his face at the sight of your heated cheeks and teary eyes. What the fuck could have possessed you to agree to this in the first place?

“I-I’m okay,” you mumble out, embarrassment shaking you far worse than any sex toy ever could. And that fact— the way your eyebrows knead together in discomfort as you squirm in your seat— is precisely what Shouto wants. You’re no stranger to humiliation, no stranger to the tugging deep in your gut or the heated flush that darts onto your mattress and makes its home on your cheeks.

But this? This type of shame is foreign; it makes your head spin and refuses to waver no matter how much you silently gripe and plead. “Honestly, I feel a bit—” another pulse, another pained gasp from you, “ill.” The words barely make their way out before you’re gritting your teeth, thighs pressing together so tightly they may leave pretty purple marks.

“Maybe I should take her upstairs,” Shouto sighs, faux apology slipping through his mouth with ease. When did the fucker get so good at lying?

And then he’s helping you up from your seat, rubbing tender circles into your back, like any good boyfriend would. But every graze is unbearable, sends a tidal wave of warmth rushing through your core. The most innocent of touches has become obscene, twisted in a way only you and the cool man next to you are able to acknowledge.

As you climb the stairs with shaky legs, you can only pray that the rest of the family doesn’t notice the slick juices trailing down your thighs.

—

“Who knew dinner and a show could be so entertaining?” He teases, just barely dodging the fist you throw half-heartedly at his shoulder. His supple lips are glued into a smirk, one that probably won’t drop until the night is long over.

“Please– I-” you attempt to stifle your moans, but in the comfort of his childhood bedroom you find yourself slipping into a high-pitched whine. “Turn it off.” He seems to debate the plea internally, slender fingers brushing over the buttons until you grip harshly at his bicep. You’ve endured enough misery to last you months.

When he finally switches it off, you feel your entire body slacken and relief wash over you; however, it does nothing for the throbbing in your clit or the pool of desire still brimming in your core. What you crave is his touch, the warmth that pokes and prods at your every muscle, loosening each nerve until you’re a babbling mess— wholly at the mercy of his lithe fingers.

“Shou,” you mewl, voice dripping with desperation. His eyes widen for a quick second, brows raised and shocked by your blatant come-on with his family only a level down. “I need you.”

Those three simple words have him springing into action, shoving you against the mattress. Pinning you beneath him with ease, he hikes your skirt up to your hips before running a slender digit against your clothed slit.

“You made a mess,” his words carry no weight, only amazement at the juices flowing freely through the thin panties and down your thighs. “Probably made a mess all over your chair too.”

With that comment, your shame is back with a vengeance, tinging the tips of your ears and causing you to cry out. Before Shouto, you’d have never thought this sort of depraved commentary could have you shaking. Hell, you’re not sure he even knew what he was doing to you at first; ever oblivious, Shouto simply speaks his mind.

Only when he noticed the effect of his words, did he begin using those passing observations against you. Now, he lives for your reactions, spurs you on if only to see how far a gruff remark can push you— and typically, your limit is reached in wanton sobs and bright red scratch marks down his back.

He doesn’t bother with removing the lace panties, only tugs them to the side so he can brush his fingers against your naked slit. When he pushes a thumb against your clit, you can’t help the loud cry that escapes you. “Bite,” he offers up his wrist so that your moans don’t carry through the thin walls.

Your teeth sink into his flesh, eliciting a sharp breath at the sudden pain. And he enjoys that part too— the lengths you’ll go to achieve pleasure, the stinging reminders of your desire. “Stay quiet for me, yeah?” He tests a finger, then two, knuckles deep in your doughy walls as you writhe on the bed. “Good girl.”

“Mmph,” you feel your eyes roll back at the soft praise, thighs tensing as he begins to pump his digits in and out. “Faster, ah– please.” Your moans are muffled against his arm, but he complies nonetheless, fingers curling and hitting the spot that drums against your heartbeat, that rattles through your brain.

The second he brings his lips to your clit, you feel the coil in your stomach about to snap. Hair slick with sweat, your hands roam through his own wet strands, gripping and tugging him closer, closer, closer. He suckles hungrily, his last meal long forgotten as he pushes you further over the edge.

All at once, you see stars. You’re unsure whether you’re keeping quiet like he asked or sobbing loudly, the tidal wave of pleasure consumes you whole, stomach going taut and twisting as he allows you to ride out your orgasm. With the toy slowly edging you all night, this bliss feels fully merited— is exactly what you deserve after being subjected to his teasing for so long.

Shouto only lets up when your entire body has gone slack and you push his head away. Bringing his fingers up to your supple lips, he watches hungrily as you slurp at your own slick.

His eyes are the darkest you’ve ever seen them, pooling with eagerness and a longing for more; he brings a thumb to his chin to wipe at your juices— licks a long stripe up the digit to fully savor you. The image is immodest at the least, animalistic at most.

It reignites your own thirst immediately.

Though you’re exhausted, core spasming from overuse, you find yourself tugging at his waistband, pulling him close so he can sheath himself inside you in one fell thrust.

“Fuck,” his voice is husky, groan stifled in the nook of your shoulder. “Still so fucking tight for me.” The only sounds that fill the air are your joint moans, the squeaky springs of the mattress, and the headboard clanging against the wall— sweat soaked skin as his hips snap against you.

“Ah— please, please, please,” it seems to be the only phrase that falls from your loose lips. Every jerk sends shocks across your damp flesh, vision going foggy as he sends your brain spinning. Once again, you teeter at the edge, so close. Your legs wrap across his back, digging into the globes of his ass to pull him impossibly closer.

“What do you want?” He grunts into your jaw, peppering wet kisses down your neck and across your chest. It may leave a mark or two, but it’s something to worry about later.

“I–”At this point, you’re just a teary, blubbering mess, “please, Shou– need your cum.” You manage the words, knowing exactly what effect they have. His movements quicken, pace faltering as he chases his own high.

And then, you’re both seeing stars. With one final shudder, his cock twitches, and then he’s spilling into you. Your groans intertwine, his a loud sigh of your name, you sobbing helplessly.

Once he finally stills, he collapses on top of you, both of your chests heaving. His fingers smooth at your matted hair, whispers of ‘so good for me’ and ‘fuck, baby’ into the shell of your ear as he allows your body— still trembling uncontrollably— time to regain composure.

Now you remember why you agreed to this little game of his.

–

“I hope you feel better,” Fuyumi hugs you goodbye, though your eyes are glazed over in post-coital bliss. Her gaze doesn’t quite meet your own, anyways. But they couldn’t have heard; you were quiet. Weren’t you?

As you stumble into the passenger side of Shouto’s pristine Model S, you catch the gruff comment Enji murmurs to Shouto,

“You two could stand to be a bit less obvious next time.”

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