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gothghostiie · 2 months

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i have so many silly little hcs about wesker and uroboros, but there's this one i really wanna share, if you will lend me your loving ears for a moment... i view uroboros as less of its own sentient thing and more of every tendril being full of nerves, it's how wesker would be able to control them, move them around as he wills, right? i think each uroboros tendril has a thin layer of skin, muscle, and goop (he's so sludgy in dbd <3), and because there's only that thin layer covering all those nerves, the tendrils would be extremely sensitive. i wonder if you see what i'm getting at here already... let me cook...

imagine wesker examining his tendrils around you, like his idle in dbd, and you get curious, wondering how they feel. you reach over and lightly run your fingers over one of the tendrils, not really paying attention to how wesker reacts. the tendrils would honestly probably feel moist (like a fucking frog or something similar judging by how they look in games), and understandably so, you wipe your fingers clean of the feeling, but not without catching the look on your beloved blonde's face. he's barely suppressing his surprise, and there's a blush on his face.

wesker doesn't retract his tendrils, no no no, not after his precious darling just touched the most sacred part of him. he'd look at you with slightly widened eyes as you touch his tendrils again, and you watch as a visible shiver runs up his spine. his blush gets deeper and his hand starts shaking. you've unlocked something in him, something he never knew was possible, just by touching his tendrils. he likes the feeling, and the poor man shifts slightly in his seat as a poor attempt to hide the growing tent in his pants. you use that big brain of yours to connect the dots, and realize that this massive menace to society gets a hard on just by feeling his pretty partner run their fingers along his tendrils <3

thoughts and feelings? :3

I'll gladly lend you my ears darling

and yes. yes yes yes yes. they're sensitive to gentle touches (while being extremely durable to harsh impact, as seen in games) and you just know you have to make use of it, gently stroking his tentacles while he squirms but doesnt retract them:((

hes panting like a dog, shaking slightly while soft moans escape him, hes whining and whimpering, the more you touch them the worse it gets. he might even softly beg you, soft pleas escaping his lips even if he doesnt know what hes pleading for. cums untouched in his pants, almost tearing up from how overwhelmingly good he feels <3

#gothghostiie #ask ghostiie #albert wesker #resident evil #dead by daylight #dbd #wesker #albert wesker x reader #nsft #wesker x reader

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ahsxual · 4 months

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NSFW ALPHABET - KAI ANDERSON

Genre: Smut

Warnings: death and Kai himself, that's a warning ladies and gentleman

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex):

Kai tends to be more affectionate after sex, silently cheeking for any bruises only to take care of them after. He's extremely possessive over you, so he feels the obligation to take care of his little lamb since it's his responsibility. On good days, he will let you cuddle with him while he runs his fingers over your legs and arms softly.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s):

Definitely your ass, nipples, mouth and vagina/penis. He likes to grab them harshly while you're having sex, and fucks every hole in your body.

As for him, he likes his veiny hands and his dick. Those body parts of his are the ones that can offer you more pleasure and make him feel powerful and desired, so they're definitely his favorites.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically):

Inside you: in your mouth, ass and vagina if you have one. He feels the need to mark his territory on you, so he definitely wants you to keep his cum inside you as long as possible.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs):

He already thought about catching you having sex with another person, and then fuck you roughly to prove who you belong to. But after that, he would fuck whoever was with you just to make you watch without touching yourself, so you feel bad about yourself and regret your actions. "Even that guy/whore made me cum harder than you ever did to me" (which is a lie, he just wants you to feel bad and make you depend on him).

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?):

After getting crazy, Kai fucked a lot of women and men, so when you met him, he was already pretty experienced. He's also a fast learner, so he knows exactly how to make you cum in a couple of minutes.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual):

Doggy Style - that way he can change easily from hole to hole if you have a vagina, spank your ass, grab your hair, push your face against the bed or whichever surface you are against to, and have more control over you in general.

The Hook - on this position, he can go deeper inside you while watching your face. It also allows him to kiss, bite, suck and spit on your face and neck.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.):

He doesn't shave himself, not even if you asked him to (that would probably be a bad idea, since he would feel insecure which results on him being agressive and loud). If he shaves, it has to be by his own will.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc):

Kai is extremely serious when it comes to sex. He thinks sex has to be seen as something essential for humans and a very important act where two souls and bodies connect with each other. And since he has deep feelings for you, the more serious he gets about it. However, when he won the election to become the official council man, that day you made sweet love with some giggles and smiles here and there.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…):

It's rare for Kai to be romantic in sex, since he is a hardcore kinky bitch. He will grab you firmly, his hand prints being marked on your body and "love bruises" too. He likes to spank you and make you entirely submissive to him, so he's pretty rough inside the room.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon):

Everyone knows that Kai Anderson is a huge fan of masturbation and jerks off a lot. Even when he is with you, sometimes he orders you to simply kneel down while he jerks off on your face, mouth or boobs/nipples and then leaves to work on his cult meetings and future plans/projects.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks):

(Oh man, this is going to be long!!!) - Sir/Daddy/Divine Ruler Kink, bondage, pain kink, hard BDSM, choking, voyeurism, golden showers we all agree on this one lmao, hair pulling, blood kink, knife kink, dom/sub, breeding kink, overstimulation, edging, dacryphilia (watching the partner crying), podophilia (foot fetish), degradation/humiliation, innocence kink what am I forgetting.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do):

Literally anywhere. He actually enjoys the adrenaline of getting caught, so he probably prefers to have sex outdoors, or indoors with someone in the house (especially his cult members).

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going):

When you obey him and do anything for him, even the hardest things like killing someone.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs):

There's nothing this man wouldn't do, really. The only thing he probably wouldn't like is being completely submissive, watching someone he was jealous of or that he hates fuck you or someone else without him being in control of the situation lol.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc):

Let's be honest here. We know Kai, so I'm almost sure that he prefers receiving a blowjob while he grabs your hair and makes you gag on him. About his oral sex skills, I would say that he's kinda messy and rough. You probably would have to tell him to go slower on you, so he wouldn't rip your clit/dick off lmao. But, when he's feeling generous, he would go down on you and make you cum in a few minutes for sure.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.):

Definitely fast and rough most of the times. He would make you beg to stop fucking you, because of how overstimulated you were and he wouldn't give a shit. On rare occasions, where he's feeling particularly romantic, he would go at a slower pace and be more careful with you.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.):

He enjoys quickies, but prefers taking his time with you. He has a very high sex drive, so depending on how occupied he is, you could have sex 2-3 times a day.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.):

For sure. He loves taking risks when it comes to sex. Especially on public spaces, where you both can be caught anytime. He really likes to try new things, so it doesn't matter how uncommon your kinks are, he would be really excited to try them out. Just say the word and prepare to have the best orgasm of your life.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…):

Kai has a very high stamina. He could go to 2-3 rounds with you. The first round he cums fast, but the next ones...

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?):

Oh... don't let me get started. When he's feeling particularly kinky, he would tie you up and stimulate you with vibrators, anal plugs, nipple clamps, spanking paddles, anything really. He would only use them on you but if you insist, maybe he would give it a try if you're lucky.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease):

He's the worst at teasing you when he's horny. He makes you beg until you can't take it anymore, so you can be ready for him just the way he likes it. However, if he's mad or had a bad day, he won't wait for you to get fully prepared for him and will go straight to the point and it hurts

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make):

We already know Kai is very loud during sex! He would groan so much while he fucks you and make the loudest moan when he finally cums. He just can't be quiet when he's inside you.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice):

One of the thoughts that can't get out of Kai's mind is fucking you after killing someone with their body right next to you or in front of his cult members to show everyone his dominance and power over you he's crazyyy.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words):

I would say his dick is probably 6,5 inches and thick, but not too much.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?):

Like I said, his sex drive is extremely high. He's always thinking about fucking you in the most random times and places, while doing the most nasty things to you.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards):

Pretty fast, actually. Now that you've been together for a long time, he completely trusts you to sleep peacefully next to you and not betray him like the others did.

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faligon · 3 months

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my laios and kabru dungeon meshi pokemon teams (respectively). explanations for each pick and my general ideas of how they would be as trainers below.

spoiler warning!

first up, laios

laios would be a very very dedicated pokemon trainer, and an avid researcher of pokemon ecology. i think he would be in absolute bliss in the pokemon world, a world where “monsters” and people live and work together in harmony. i wanted to represent his dedication by giving him pokemon that are rare, or take plenty of effort to evolve, either by friendship or by extensive level grinding. i also felt like laios would be fascinated by the concept of shiny hunting, and wanted to reflect this in his team.

his pokemon

silvally: self explanatory, isn't it? reflective of his "awesome monster". it’s a chimera that resents humans based on the circumstance of it’s existence. evolves based on love and true friendship. the absolute epitome of laios’s true identity. they are also both legendary and extremely rare, so this means he had to put in a lot of hard work to get a partner like this.

Through the bond it formed with its Trainer, its will was strengthened, and it was able to destroy its control mask.

The final factor needed to release this Pokémon's true power was a strong bond with a Trainer it trusts.

lycanroc: represents the dogs that raised him in his parent’s absence, and also his true ideal “wolf self”. it's my opinion that the wolf head of laios’s chimera form is the one that most concretely represents laios (it’s missing in earlier portrayals of his chimera form, and is the reason he chooses the wolf cloak when he becomes king.). it is also extremely loyal and protective of those it loves, just like laios.

When properly raised from a young age, it will become a trustworthy partner that will absolutely never betray its Trainer.

pyroar: indicative of the winged lion, obviously, but also a reference to the “main body” of the greek chimera myth. shiny mostly because the colors of the shiny remind me of him more. also male, not just for the mane, but because pyroar is 97.5% female — so this form is very rare! this pokedex entry really reminds me of laios:

The males are usually lazy, but when attacked by a strong foe, a male will protect its friends with no regard for its own safety.

braviary: represents the “eagle head” on his chimera form, and the idea of either a hippogriff or a griffin. braviary evolves extremely late in levels, so owning one is indicative of a lot of time put into training it. and i think laios would really enjoy searching for a shiny rufflet and training it for so long. braviary’s pokedex entries are extremely fitting for his personality, and they even have a connection to royalty, and sometimes even retaliate towards humans:

They fight for their friends without any thought about danger to themselves. One can carry a car while flying.

For the sake of its friends, this brave warrior of the sky will not stop battling, even if injured.

It's thought that people disturbed their habitats in the past, so Braviary banded together to fight back.

Known for its bravery and pride, this majestic Pokémon is often seen as a motif for various kinds of emblems.

hydreigon: not only a dragon, but one with multiple heads! i think laios would really personally resonate with the concept of the hydreigon line. because of this i can imagine himself dedicating himself to raising this “cool” dragon, not just because it’s cool, but because he understands “fighting with yourself/your desires”. on top of all of that, hydreigon have been known to destroy villages and resent human beings:

There are a slew of stories about villages that were destroyed by Hydreigon. It bites anything that moves.

It's said that Hydreigon grew ferocious because people in times long past loathed it, considering it to be evil incarnate and attacking it relentlessly.

It responds to movement by attacking. This scary, three-headed Pokémon devours everything in its path!

aegislash: it’s kensuke! this pokemon feels like it was basically made for laios, and reminds me of dungeon meshi in general. i mean, just look at these pokemon entries:

Apparently, it can detect the innate qualities of leadership. According to legend, whoever it recognizes is destined to become king.

Its potent spectral powers allow it to manipulate others. It once used its powers to force people and Pokémon to build a kingdom to its liking.

aegislash also reminds me of the winged lion, and is representative of not just laios’s eventual position as king, but also his “idealized” leadership as “dungeon master” over the course of the story.

now onto kabru!

as a trainer, in accordance to his position as laios's foil, i'd imagine that kabru would focus much less on pokemon battles and pokemon training. much like his lack of skill when it comes to exploring the dungeon, kabru is very people focused first, and i'd imagine his team is not very strong when it comes to battling... but i still wanted picks that would be indicative of who he is as a person. i'd like to think he acquired most of his pokemon not by the headstrong dedication towards exploration and catching that laios would have, but by making the right connections through trading and making bonds with other people. however, the few that he would have found on his own would be extremely special to him.

his pokemon

stufful: cute and unassuming on the surface, but secretly spiteful and aggressive underneath... it reminds me of kabru a lot. this is also the first in the start of a running theme of plush / toy-like pokemon i incorporated into his team, to represent his childhood being raised by misiril and treated like a "doll". kabru's childhood is something i find very few people take into consideration, but it really changes the way you look at his character...

A touch from anyone except a known friend sends it into a surging frenzy. It's an incredibly dangerous Pokémon. Its fluffy fur is a delight to pet, but carelessly reaching out to touch this Pokémon could result in painful retaliation.

mimikyu: another contribution to the doll-like theme of his team, but also is a pokemon that i feel is most representative of kabru's personality... someone who just wants to be loved and idolizes and takes after another, hiding behind a cute and nice mask, with an unending well of loneliness and a desire to be friends despite feeling like something evil. kabru talks about how he feels like a monster due to his lineage with misiril in his adventure's bible excerpt, and it's always struck powerfully with me. (as a result i can't stand when people make blue eyes jokes about him, lol.) he spends his entire adventure idolizing laios, just wanting to be his friend... (and secretly hating him.) to me, mimikyu is a perfect partner for kabru.

A lonely Pokémon, it conceals its terrifying appearance beneath an old rag so it can get closer to people and other Pokémon. It has taken damage and can no longer hold the head of its cloth disguise upright. For as long as it lives, Mimikyu will never forget its attacker.

mawile: meant to symbolize kabru's "two-faced"ness, and also just seemed like a type i thought he would enjoy. yet another cute looking pokemon to contribute to his team's theme, as well. this pokemon's dex entries mention how it uses it's cute facade to lure in other pokemon, and i thought that was fitting. i also thought it was nice that the jaws are actually horns, playing back into kabru's self-demonization.

Don't be taken in by this Pokémon's cute face—it's very dangerous. Mawile fools the foe into letting down its guard, then chomps down with its massive jaws. The steel jaws are really horns that have been transformed. It has two mouths. The big jaws on the back of its head can't taste anything, so that's the mouth it uses to eat foods it doesn't like.

espurr: a small and cute pokemon that reminded me of misiril, and kabru as a child. i also wanted to include it in order to make it clear that kabru wouldn't always care about fully evolving or training his pokemon, or using anything considered "strong" - since battling wouldn't be his expertise. this is yet another pokemon that seems docile but is secretly holding back dangerous power. i thought that he would resonate with this pokemon's blank and scary stare.

Though Espurr's expression never changes, behind that blank stare is an intense struggle to contain its devastating psychic power.

banette: next to mimikyu, i feel like this pokemon most accurately reflects kabru's past and personality. once again calling back to kabru's unhealthy childhood, and his treatment as an object. originally being a toy itself, banette holds strong grudges against those who have abandoned and wronged it.

An abandoned plush doll became this Pokémon. They are said to live in garbage dumps and wander about in search of the children that threw them away. It's a stuffed toy that was thrown away and became possessed, ever searching for the one who threw it away so it can exact its revenge. Resentment at being cast off made it spring into being. Some say that treating it well will satisfy it, and it will once more become a stuffed toy.

buneary: for his final team member, i knew from the outset that i wanted to include a buneary on his team. buneary is the only pokemon to start off with a base 0 happiness -- and as a result is an extremely hard pokemon to evolve! this also pairs well with the unique move of Frustration - a move that is more powerful the lower a pokemon's happiness. this seemed fitting. i wanted to keep it at a weak stage, but i also enjoy that it's a friendship evolution that he could slowly raise. i made this pokemon shiny partially because i just associate kabru with the color pink, but also because i thought it told a nice story. i liked the idea of kabru finding this equally battle-wary but extremely rare pokemon and slowly having it warm up to him over time, as he slowly learns to trust a "monster" he is somewhat wary of himself.

If both of Buneary's ears are rolled up, something is wrong with its body or mind. It's a sure sign the Pokémon is in need of care.

#dm #dungeon meshi #pokemon

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v3nusxsky · 1 year

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Could I request a lady lesso X ever!reader. R is in their final year of school about to graduate (and is 18) they are the model student because of their extremely strict parents; head girl, perfect scores and always willing to help anyone in need. However their facade of perfection is slowly crumbling around them because of their massive crush on lady lesso who is the only one who sees through all of the perfectionist control freak bs r holds up as being them when in reality their a mess of anxiety and depression. Their work load, mental health and crush eventually become too much for r to handle and they end up having a breakdown in the middle of a school assembly about how to become the best version of yourself. They end up running out and lesso finds them contemplating ending things. R explains everything to lesso and how as an ever they should never have allowed themself to fall for lesso as they will no doubt be disowned by their family for being gay and in love with a never and how no matter what they've tried they can't stop the feelings they have. R being so worked up and without thinking ends up kissing lesso but lesso tells r to stop because she thinks she is the reason for rs suicidal thoughts which leads r to say they don't regret falling in love with her they only regret letting their family own them and couldn't handle not being with lesso. It ends with them happy together and lesso helping r figure out how to put less pressure on themself.

Forbidden Love

*Authors note ~ this one is gonna be a tough one. Yet I'd be lying if I said I didn't have amazing fun writing it. This happens to be one of my favourite tropes*

Trigger warning~ burning out, anxiety and depression hints of homophobia suicidal thoughts

Prompt~ see ask^^^

✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣ ✣

You had quite the reputation in the school for good and evil. Your final year now, you had strings of awards and certificates to celebrate every achievement you had. You were head girl, a straight A student and always going above and beyond for anyone who needs it. The professors absolutely adore you, for years you'd managed to keep this facade up. The perfect child, student and the friend. Yet you held secrets, buried so deep within yourself, that's you almost didn't know they were there. Almost.

It was forbidden you knew that. A massive red warning sign screaming for you to avoid. Not only were you not supposed to be Sapphic but she was your teacher. Sapphic felt right for you, lesbian although accurate you didn't feel as comfortable with the label. The negative associations with it made you really hate yourself, yet sapphic didn't have those connections and it sounded softer and lighter. You didn't bother telling anyone, it was a secret you'd take to the grave with you, after all you couldn't come out. No your parents would lose it at you. And you'd lose that reputation you'd fought so hard to build. You would truly be a disappointment and that thought alone killed you.

You were emotional, you knew that, yet you didn't expect the school assembly to get you in such a state. All the feelings of fear, disgust, anxiety, and pure hate bubble within you. Your need to be in control and protect your reputation causing you to burn out and truthfully hate yourself. You didn't want to live a lie but you couldn't be yourself either, that was something you didn't want either. The assembly hit you hard, all about being who you are accepting yourself and others despite your differences. A constant reminder that you weren't perfect and you never would be. And that thought caused tears to force themselves free from the confines of your eyes, the air struggling to inflate your lungs as your body trembled. Your legs instantly started to carry you from the hall itself, unsure where you were going, you just continued to mindlessly run.

Your secret girlfriend noticed you left abruptly and left instantly after, hot on your heels. When she found you, you looked absolutely broken, you'd curled up, back to the wall sobbing and mumbling about how you can't do this anymore. Things needed to stop. To change. But you didn't want it. But you did. Your thoughts all jumbled and truly making no sense for the older women.

"Little one?" She murmured grabbing your attention and you instantly spilled everything. About how you shouldn't have fallen for the women, about how you needed to be perfection and nothing less. Knowing that as soon as this came out you'd be disowned and lose everything yet you couldn't fight your feelings for her. You didn't want to truly. But everything was so hard and confusing. Why couldn't you just be you, and love who you want to love? You couldn't do this anymore and you couldn't stop yourself, you lurched forward and pressed your lips to Lady Lesso. The kiss was sweet and hesitant and you'd be lying if you said the way she pulled back from you hurt. The rejection you felt worse than anything else you'd been previously feeling. You'd completely made a fool of yourself. Why would she want you?

"Little one, you can't, we can't, I can't be the reason you feel like this love. Don't get me wrong I want you. I truly do, I desire you more than anything else but I can't be the cause of this pain" you mumbled the hurt and confusion was soaking her words and your heart broke. "Leo, no! I don't regret loving you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I just wish I could do it openly. Freely. Where my parents didn't have so much control over me. I need you Leo. Please don't leave me. I love you and I'll never regret it."you whimpered holding her gaze, eyes pleading with her to hear your words and see the truth in them.

"Little one, I'm so so sorry my love. I'm here. We will take it slow darling. Start to slowly take things off that beautiful mind of yours okay? Work on making you feel content in your own skin. I'll be here all the way okay?" She murmured and you nodded throwing yourself into her arms mumbling thanks and reassurance of your love for her. She held you until you had calmed yourself down before guiding your lips to meet hers in a sweet kiss. Claiming you as hers. And you kissed back instantly, loving just how right it felt. Maybe you'd lose your family but you'd be free and with your Leo and that would be worth it all

Word count ~1138

#fanfic #lady lesso #sfgae #leonora lesso #lady lesso x reader #lesso x reader #lady leonora lesso #dean of evil #tsfgae #sfgaefanfic #leonora lesso x reader

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joysmercer · 3 months

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please share some of your thoughts on the repercussions of nini leaving!!

ok it's less repercussions and more like a bunch of thoughts lol but:

firstly, it was a bit random? like LA is where the music scene is but throughout season 2, the thing holding nini back was ricky (/his desire for control/stop change), not SLC in general. there was no point in time where she was like "i need to get out of this town." so her being like "i feel more free in LA!!!" felt a little off to me, because that wasn't really a sentiment she had shown before. but if olivia was leaving the show and couldn't commit any more time to s3, they did the best they could i guess.

it's extremely...weird that she didn't tell anyone she was leaving; miss jenn was the only one who knew she was even considering it! and she left before curtain, presumably without coming back to salt lake! idk if i were kourtney or ashlen or ricky, i would be a bit hurt by that lol. but also, the fact that she wasn't there but all of them still had so much success in the show (personally professionally etc) is also so telling. her arc was done; she changed and changed others over her two seasons. it was the right time for her to go.

the lottery card is my favorite thing that came out of her exit, because it really does symbolize ricky growing up. his first love, his oldest friend, quite literally helped him complete his childhood goals and move forward. he initially thought he didn't get one at all, only for jet (a "mini-ricky" in so many ways) to find it for him and gina (his "future") to tell him to open it. i also like that she apparently asked him to hand out cards for hsm3 opening night—glad that they're more in touch than just following each other on social media, and that he's really taken on her old role of being the heart of the program.

but, like i said, i wish she had given him and everyone else the cards personally and the og squad got one more night together. they left an open-ending for her so olivia could come back if she wanted to in s4, but it translated to less of an open-ending and more of like "that was it?"

(on the other hand, there is something poetic and final about her not seeing ricky open it. her being there may have dampened that effect a bit. in an ideal world, i guess she'd hand out cards personally but leave the lotto ticket in ricky's room for him to find afterward, his last gift of his birthday.) (but then gina wouldn't be the one to tell him to open it, which was also so important and symbolic) (so idk) (anyway)

gina and nini's juxtaposition throughout the show really came to a head at the end of season 2 (and throughout nini's exit). in many ways, they had opposite trajectories: nini was the lead for the first time and gained the confidence to believe in and fight fore huge success, which eventually led to her spreading her wings and moving away; gina needed to learn that she doesn't need to be front-and-center to have an impact, which eventually led to her putting down roots and making her own little family for the first time. and connecting the two of them is gina's brother, someone gina barely knows but who was such a catalyst for nini. it's also really interesting that jamie's offer is the reason nini leaves and what allows gina, slowly over the first two seasons but quickly in s3 and 4, to really take on a position as ricky's closest confidant (instead of nini). the whole love "square" between nini, ej, ricky, and gina is so fascinating because there are parallels in every direction; history repeats itself again and again with those four, but each time, different choices are made and different paths are taken, until, by the finale, everyone is exactly where they're supposed to be and it's hard to picture any other ending for any of them. and that started with nini taking that first leap and saying goodbye, before ej had the courage to, before ricky got over his fear of it, before gina even knew what was coming. that was the catalyst, whether or not anyone realized it or not.

#asks #anon #high school musical: the musical: the series #hsmtmts #c: nini salazar roberts #s3 fic prep #s4 fic prep

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wolfpawzjakey · 8 days

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political marriage Jercy AU?

Your opinion and thoughts.

My thoughts and opinions on this scream in excitable glee.

Political marriage Jercy is kinda my kryptonite. Why? I love the ability’s to build a relationship as time marches on and these two have already had a rocky base relationship before they grew close in canon.

Percy and Jason being wed would be one of the most impactful happenings to, well, happen. These two are depicted as some of the most, if not the most, powerful people in their world. Their sets of skills individually are enough to bring their cities and more to collapse, and together, they could bring down nations if they put their mind together. For a society, be it a royalty au (kinda like the fancy prince outfits fit with castles and maids and such) or a marriage between two of the most power demigods outside of the more modern stance the canon is set it, this marriage would be tide turning.

For their societies, this would ensure in almost definite ways that there would always be prosperity and success amongst their people and personal parties. It would lessen, if not entirely deplete the consistently nagging and lurking dangers between both families due to their mutual unease toward another. Percy has an incredibly rocky relationship with gods, but Zeus is the golden goose of shitty people that he’s upset time and time again and will/would continue to piss off time and time again. Zeus has consistently set boulders in his path and threatened danger upon his life and Percy has actively and successfully avoided death from this almighty power and will continue to do so. He has the right to have animosity toward Zeus, he doesn’t even need to factor in the fact his father also has animosity toward Zeus because the shit that man has put him personally through is enough for himself. And, Percy has never really been the type to base his feelings upon the ideas of others without navigating his way through his own experience with them on his own time.

His upset with this marriage would be enough to put the sea at unrest. Marrying into the family of one of his life’s larges villains is a knock to his honor and pride and beliefs. He would never stoop to the level of that cretin and though he’s aware Zeus’s daughter, while difficult on her nest of days, he knows her hard headed nature is well intentioned. But the sone of Jupiter however is an entirely different story. He’s an unknown variable of extreme power, something stoic and mechanical that can rip through enemies in mere moments, similar to Percy in that way minus the glaringly different way they act.

And for Jason, he��s got his own reservations. Once again, the two are unknowns in each other’s lives, but Jason is good at analysis and he’s more likely to have information (at least in this sort of au in my mind) on Percy and who he is externally. While Jason has been molded into the perfect being, the perfect solider and the perfect son, Percy has made himself up from the ground, he flows like the very water he controls, his actions aren’t mechanical but fluid and unannounced until they strike you dead. He’s a fiercely frightening soldier because he’s unpredictable. Frightening because somehow, just like Jason, he is the perfect soldier, but he was just that way naturally and recklessly. He didn’t need to be pushed half to death everyday, he didn’t have to survive growing up the way he himself did. Percy is entirely perfect but in the most frightening of way. Perfectly imperfect, more so.

Jason also has anger directed toward the son of Poseidon because of his large net of support. He has few attachments, was never allowed the sort of weakness attachments allowed. But Percy? He’s able to craft them and he’s allowed to be weak for them. His loyalty and devotion to his people should make him weak and inadequate, but instead they make him stronger. It’s something Jason just can’t quite connect. His anger fills up the more he knows Percy too because this person has more than the ability rise quickly above his own power, he is easily able to swing Jason’s people to his side too, forming easy friendships. Percy has so much good to him that Jason can’t help but see him as bad. Percy has the freedom of life that he so badly wants and never got.

When the marriage is announced, Jason takes the news “easily”. Externally he’s as solid as usual, face of stone masking the rage he’s hiding. Percy on the other hand is loudly in disagreement, never one to settle for easy agreement. He does what he wants, not in a bratty way, he just knows rights from wrongs and does things his way, it’s been successful that way and his final judgement is solid most always. The proposal is in stone though, and he has nothing he can do but angrily take it.

Being a political marriage, between two of the most powerful families in existence at that, the event is more extravagant that any their kingdoms, or whatever the fuck you wanna call it, have seen. It’s a long process, planning and arrangements taking up the time of everything and everyone. While their people are up in spirits, the parties personally affected sit holding their breaths. The trust between the two so dismal that they can’t help but sit in wait for a pin to drop and pandemonium to break out, but alas, it never comes. Jason and Percy are successfully wed, their people rejoicing and the finality of peace between their nations, prosperity is on their horizon for ages to come.

The base relationship of the two is bleak. It’s ugly silence or harsh spat words. What their people see is a gentle facade, a quiet couple who interact politely, moving as some well oiled machine amongst their followers who have nothing but gratefulness in their eyes as they share their support and wish them happiness. Externally, they’re near perfect. Their social outlook is perfect, they make news amongst the population as a perfect couple who greatly fit into each other, filling in the missing pieces. Jason has softened to his people and Percy has become slightly more organized. Internally however, this act has they growing weary. Not only because they have done nothing to really foster any sort of relationship between each other but also because when they both slip up, the act continues, but naturally. They speak to each other with ease and acceptance before realizing they were supposed to be butting heads. The weariness only grows as this continues, the moments of exhaustion from their personal and shared work causing slip ups where they seemingly just coexist together just cause this unsteady wall to build up between them until they break in the privacy of a shared space.

They’re angry and loud about it. Spouting insults and poking at each other’s weaknesses. And it’s through this fight that they kind of realize they’re at each other’s throats for everything and nothing. Because they’re fighting a fight not worth fighting. Working themselves up over angers directed at things their fathers have done, or directing rage at an assumption based off impersonal knowledge. Percy’s anger stems from his distrust of Zeus, but he’d known that Thalia wasn’t her father, why hadn’t he extended that shaky trust to Jason. And Jason anger stemmed from long festering jealousy, Percy had loving friends, loving family, and a pedestal he would never fall from because people had no reason to believe he would fail them, because when Percy got back up it was a sign of strength and resilience. Jason had always been made to believe falling meant he had to climb two times higher just to garner that belief from the overbearing figures in his life.

Their scuffle ended in quiet unspoken apology. From then on, they move forward as that well oiled machine, but they no longer hold up the act. They become more natural around each other, settling into this new life role they fill. The kingdom notices this new delicate awkwardness between the princes, most figure its the beginning of a trust budding relationship, and it is, but it’s still too fragile for either to particularly notice. Still feeling as if they’re treading this very recently made line of trust, they can’t put too much thought and weight into it when they’re just barely getting to really know each other.

Stupidly, war does break out (just for fun, I love when two people who are so perfect for each other fight together or against each other, it’s romantic lol) but it is easily fought. The utter cleanliness and synchronicity between the two only act as another vice to hold them closer together. They tear through enemies, entangling their fighting in a dance so elegant it could bring a theater audience to tears. They celebrate victory with their kingdoms with entwined emotions. But these new feelings of closeness don’t cause conflict, not external or internal. It’s met only with rightness.

Despite being wed, they don’t meet these feelings between them like lovers. They’re not that and they’d never been that. They let it build, acts of service and care being traded between each other without explicitly being voiced as such because why would they need to? They do fit into those missing pieces the other had, well enough that they’re able to communicate without necessarily having to be verbal about it. They only speak on it when necessary, like when Jason stays in Percy’s quarters for the first time and vise versa. Or when they first share a kiss. When they first bed each other. They’re very tactile in nature with each other.

Do not get me started on what could happen in this au if we let the Jason dying plot point happen here too because I will lose my mind.

Away from a story building lens (it was probably incredibly hectic apologies), I love this concept. Because it gives you the ability to draw out this relationship of what wants to be a rivalry between to similar but opposite people and what they could actually become. In canon, they became close friends. But I feel as though the true strength of what their bond could’ve been, even in a platonic sense, wasn’t touched on due to the shortness of their rivalry and also kind of how childish it had been made to seem. These two have incredible difficult lives and have very tricky circumstances that allot them certain difficulties to overcome, especially between each other. They’re each other’s perfections and imperfections AND their missing pieces all at once. If Jason had gotten more life brought into his story, maybe if we’d gotten his memories back in full, they’d have been even more interesting than they already are.

Thank you thank you anon for your ask!

#jason grace #jercy #percy jackson #pjo #hoo #toa #percy pjo #jason hoo #arranged marriage #arranged marriage au #political marriage au #pawz replies #asks

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avoidantrecovery · 7 months

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i'm trying to put my new "thoughts" and "findings" about AvPD into words and coherent sentences and i find it nearly impossible. i have a plan, i want to try something new, but i don't know how to explain it all. maybe i can try a list:

disclaimer: this is just a list with things i want to do for myself not medical advice or some tried and tested key on how to solve avpd or anything like that 😭

i noticed that many who suffer with AvPD have an extremely negative view of themselves (their "self" if you will) including me of course

our "self" was wounded through trauma, abuse, neglect, being ostracized or abandoned etc...

the fear, inhibition, anxiety, feeling unappealing, etc... we struggle with is a result of having a self that is wounded, not the personality in of itself

moving through this world with a "self" that is not strong enough to support us causes us to appear that way

we internalized our abusers view of ourselves, leading to the "wounded self" and extremely negative view of self

and that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy since a wounded self leads to avoidance, retreat and isolation

it's just natural to want to protect yourself and feel safe if you feel your "self" is so fragile and makes you easily attackable

but that then leads to more feelings of inadequacy which leads to more avoidance etc...

the relational self atrophies over time and we feel worse as time goes on

i wrote about that here and also here

but still, there is no point in superficially forming connections with people (be they friendships, jobs, relationships, etc...) without taking care of that wounded self first

if the wounded self isn't, i don't want to use the word "healed" here, but let's say filled with more positive view of itself, all that happens is that you take the negative view of self wherever you go

wherever you go, there you are, as they say

it simply leads to self-sabotage, ghosting and feelings of inadequacy etc... just in a new surrounding

or you mask up in order to fit in, which is not tenable over time

especially with relationships you will sooner or later have to reveal your truly vulnerable side, which requires shedding of the mask, which is when people with AvPD usually bail

if anything those are the stories of AvPD that scare me the most, people who through sheer grit and hard work manage to reach their goals and then end up abandoning it all, because nothing has changed and the feelings of adequacy are still there and they can only keep up the facade for so long

people quit jobs they worked hard to get, ghost their friends and dump loving partners to return to the solitude and isolation they think they deserve (due to the negative self view)

so what is to do?

the "self" needs to be strengthened, but how do that?

this is also about mitigating shame

for once i have a bit of a plan: i believe that our sense of self consists in part of our own self-view, but also of the feedback we get from the outside world in regards to said "self"

i wrote about that here

the relational self has to be propped up and filled up with positive feedback we get from the outside world

genuine positive feedback to override the negative views the self holds about itself

this has to be done over and over again until it sticks

one part is of course how i self-talk and think/envision myself.

things like mindfulness, self-care (not through products, but genuine things i do for myself) etc...

the other part is the outside world

i'm still trying to figure out how to do this while also mitigating possible negative feedback i could receive

since there is no controlling what others do or feel

i don't think that is ever the point, in fact it is important to get away from the idea of thinking one can control others through our behaviour

either way, negative feedback does not mean their feedback has to be internalized, no?

and knowing how to handle the negative feedback one might get is crucial, as to not further entrench the negative self view and make things worse

but i think the idea of overriding the old (negative view) neural pathways is crucial

and it can be the smallest of small steps, just as long as something is happening

at least that is my plan for now so turn that negative self view into something more positive, one neural pathway at a time

i want to set some goals for myself for every week

sensible goals to slowly dig myself out of this hole

🥲😮‍💨

#avpd ramblings #avpd recovery #recovery goals #avpd thoughts #healing habits #relational self #the self

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arcane-abomination · 15 days

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So…let’s talk about partners, significant others, spouces, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc…

I’ve been with my partner since 2012, and we’ve been bonded in a pagan marriage since then, and a lawful marriage since Halloween of 2022 (because it made insurance far easier to afford). We don’t believe the exact same things but we both still share a ball park. Our beliefs can match up in many ways. That means we hold deep understanding for what the other holds sacred and have no qualms at all when faced with specific times and scenarios that align with those special things. We participate if we can or at the very least respect the allotted times for spell work, meditation, gnosis, etc.

This only works because what we have, while different, is still close enough to mingle. I’ve seen far too many relationships fail in my life because some poor souls held beliefs that contradicted one another too much. And when we have such deep beliefs we hold onto them and don’t budge. That’s incredibly tricky because relationships are built on the foundations of trust and if you can’t trust your partner to honor your most sacred of beliefs, the proverbial walls come cracking down around you. Even deity are not immune to this rule. When we allow them in our lives we expect them to work within the boundaries of those beliefs. And while we can most definitely learn and grow those beliefs, the moment a deity moves to far and to fast away from them we depart.

Maintaining successfully closenit relationships often comes down to how close a persons beliefs are to our own. And while I most certainly believe there’s some out there that may have defied these odds, there’s still many more that have inevitably parted ways and suffered the loss of those same relationships. We are bound to seek out a partner, a mate, and/or a friend that shares are most deepest personal truths, or at least comes close to them. The thought of someone thinking what I’m doing as pure fantasy makes me sick. That means I can’t share the uplifting experiences and lessons I’ve learned on my journey without being judged. That’s how trust gets wittled away.

Now I must also insist that you not think it’s not worth trying, if you find that there is someone you truly connect with on all other levels. Miracles do happen, like I said some people can defy the odds and make it work, and that’s fantastic, but just be aware that if it does end then you did what you could and you’re not left with the dreaded “what if” scenario playing over and over again in your head. Ultimately our beliefs are a deep part of us and if someone else’s doesn’t match up in a little way at least, it will be extremely hard to cultivate the trust one would normally seek in a relationship of any kind.

We must remember as well, that different relationships may hold different places of importance of our own personal hierarchies. So the tolerance of differences can vary. For instance some people hold the same importance for regular friends as a partner. So they may feel more comfortable for their entire friends group sharing something closer to what they worship. While others may not care to much what their friends believe, in fact they may not really bring up much of their practice at all, only sharing it with their partner or extra close friends. The point is we are all valid and deserve respect. If a relationship ends because you didn’t have in common what values your core beliefs bring, then let it go gracefully and with character.

So why did I decide to write all this in the first place? Well I’ve been hearing and reading about various arguments on this topic. Some say a belief shouldn’t sway you but I felt very strongly that our beliefs are some of the most sacred parts of who we are. To say they don’t matter is not only a a red flag, but reads very controlling to me. Like that particular person in the relationship wants to control everything their partner does. They want to build them from the ground up like a toy figure rather then learning to appreciate and care for them as they are. My wish with this post is to assure anyone having this problem currently that it’s okay to leave. Your beliefs are you…And you are worth better.

#paganism #witchcraft #pagans of tumblr #chaos magician #chaos magick #eldritch magic #witches of tumblr #yog sothothery #chaos witchcraft #pagan #left hand path #death witch #witch #witchythings #relationship

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creepylittlelady · 5 months

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The Forest in my AU [Puppet Strings Lore Dump]

Hi! I decided to go write more in depth about my AU, which goes by the name 'Puppet Strings'. It's a lot more fun actually talking about my AU then I initially thought so I might be making a lot of posts ;3

So, my AU has four main locations;

The Forest/The Labrinth

The Underworld

The Outside World (Earth)

and The Garden. The Forest is of course Slenderman's Forest, and YES THIS IS A SLENDERMANSION AU.

I'll be going into detail about them since I've been having the most Creepypasta AU brainrot that I've ever had in my entire life lol

The Forest

-The Forest, The Labrinth, The Slender Forest, The Operator's Forest, The Alternate World, it goes by multiple name. But the Pastas and the few 'outsiders' who know of it generally call it 'The Forest'.

-It was formally an actual town, although it's not a very well documented place and the name of the town originally has now been completely lost to time. Sometimes if you walk far you'll see the ruins of former Estates, but there's no evidence of it being there beyond that.

The Forest is a Labrinth, meaning its its own separate reality and does not have to follow the laws of Earth or the Underworld. This means that it has its own rules, and not many people can venture into this forest. There's actually a certain set of unwritten conditions that you have to meet if you ever want to go into the forest. Nobody knows what these conditions are but Ben, EJ and Lazari believes that there's an intertwining reason that the three of them came here, as they have had prior experience with cults.

In a Labrinth, the laws of mortality do not apply. Due to this, if you stay in a Labrinth for a long time, your ageing process slows exponentially, and then stops. Since many of the Pastas have made the Labrinth their home, they can no longer age. Lazari, often switching between living in the Forest and living in the Underworld, hasn't had her own ageing process stop entirely but rather she ages EXTREMELY slowly. She probably won't age another year for maybe about a Century.

The Forest, since it is detached from a mortal reality, is home to many strange otherwordly entities. Any benevolent creature you can think of can and probably does reside somewhere in the forest if you go deep enough. However the place is incredibly haunted and you really can't avoid a Ghost or a Malicious Spirit no matter how hard you try. Due to the fact that most of the residents are murderers, the souls of their victims are just all over the place.

There's actually a whole section of the forest dedicated to the ghosts that live there. Lucy is technically their commander, since she has the unique ability of being able to control spirits, but she just considers herself as their friend. The ghosts don't seem fond of the residents of the Mansion, particularly Sally and Ben, since they rank a bit higher on the Ghost hierarchy. (I'll make another post on how Ghosts work in my AU sometimes in the future).

Since Slenderman/The Operator owns the forest it's technically connected to his/its mind and so the surroundings change depending on his mental state. Many of the plants begin to die if he's away for long enough and sometimes it gets more cloudy if the Operator decides to take control.

The Mansion is the most integral part of the Forest, of course. Its the main centrepiece, and a paranormal hotspot. The Mansion was once a real mansion that belonged to an very rich family sometimes over 100 years, but Slender doesn't talk about it. The Mansion seems to go on forever, and is so big that people can live their whole lives there without meeting each other. Some of the Pastas, such as Bloody Painter and Zero, live in isolation in their own separate parts of the Mansion and some of the Pastas don't even know about them as they live completely separated from the others. This is of their own volition of course.

There are other functioning buildings too, as Nurse Ann and Dr Smiley live together in their own 'clinic'. Its a smaller, more dilapidated cottage that works more as a surgery house than an actual home. However they have their own smaller rooms upstairs and can live alone just fine.

Although the Forest can be your home, it can be your worst nightmare. Somehow if you manage to find you way in out of pure willpower or sheer dumb luck, and you don't meet any of the 'requirements' to get in, then you won't have a fun time. You'll start to suffer terribly from hallucinations and strong bouts of Slender Sickness to the point where you can go insane. This has happened a few times and the dealing with these stray wanderers is the Proxies' job.

If you go deep into the forest, typically the part nearest to the gateway to the Underworld, the Slender Sickness gets a lot worse there. There are a bunch of dead bodies hanging from the surrounding trees that none of the Pastas have ever really gone to clean up.

Most of my AU takes place here, and I can go into more depth if you, the reader, happen to find this interesting :D.

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wonda-fhr · 8 months

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5, 8, 14 for David n Ortega, 19 for Lia and 18 for Justin, for the couples ask game?

Unfortunately, this took much longer than expected. But I have never forgotten it :) Thanks for your ask @silvery-bluish The Couple ask is here

5. How do they consciously realize that they like the other character? Does it take them a while? -David-

It mixes a little with 3. David liked him quickly. Ric accepted him with open arms and always made David feel welcome. Some time before the first kiss, David's imagination began to give him some pleasant daydreams as he watched from a distance when Ric was being interviewed. It was then that he first realized he was dreaming of more than just a good friendship. From then on, he daydreamed himself into a romantic relationship, but never acted on it before the first kiss, because it seemed hopeless.

8. What do they think about romantic love? Do they have baggage surrounding it? Do they idealize it? Is it an object of longing and wanting, or were they really not thinking about it until they started falling for the other character? What are their expectations like?-David-

Ohh, he always idealized it terribly hard. Losing himself in thoughts of perfect love saved him from many hours of loneliness. He never allowed himself to be disillusioned by the relationships he saw that didn't live up to the ideal. He knew that fairy tale love was not necessarily real, but he preferred to give in to dreams of it rather than the conviction of always being alone. When he entered into a relationship, he expected his dream world to shatter and give way to reality. Instead, he was surprised to find that the real feelings were so much more intense than those in his dreams. And he didn't have to give up his storybook romance, he just had to learn where to look for it. The perfect love is all in the little details.

14. What makes them feel loved? Would they build up the courage to ask for it? -David-

It doesn't always have to do with courage, some things you ask for have to happen unconsciously to feel loved. The small gestures that express deep connection are what make David feel loved. An arm that pulls him to his partner at the exact moment in the movie when it is clear his tears will flow. When he always gets the perfect coffee. The way their hand movements complement each other when they cook together. These are all moments he can't ask for, but he has to recognize when they happen. He is very attentive to those moments.

Some things he would ask for, for example, support in falling asleep. This is something he often needs and asks for because his inner turmoil can't always be seen right away. If the partner holds him a little tighter, or reads him a book, or they watch a movie together to help him fall asleep, he feels loved.

No goodbye without a kiss is also something he quite demands if it is forgotten in a hectic moment. If his partner takes this time even under the greatest pressure, he also feels loved.

18. They’re going through something incredibly difficult—perhaps they’re very sick, have lost a loved one, or have gone through a traumatic event. Do they ask for or accept support and care from their partner, or try to isolate themselves? - Justin-

Justin has to figure out a lot on his own, silence his brain and organize his thoughts to stay in control. He's always done everything by himself, but the truth is, he doesn't like to be alone. But people around him, even the nicest ones, usually demand some kind of attention, and Justin can't handle that in extremely stressful situations. Talking to him, hugging him, holding him, quickly leads to an escape reaction or words he later regrets. His partner needs to know him well to be able to respond, to wait for the right moments. And he should not feel rejected. Quiet support is what Justin can enjoy, what gives him strength and helps him cope with difficult moments. Someone who is simply close to him without smothering him with pity. When his partner makes him feel like he can come into his arms or run away at any time, he feels safe and supported. If he knows that his partner understands this, he will ask for it in a relationship.

19. Are they okay with public displays of affection? Do they like them?-Lia-

Subtle signs of belonging like the hand in the back, or one on the knee, or interlocked fingers, are very natural for her and she does it even if the partner is not a fan of it. She makes it visibly clear who belongs to her, and it is difficult to dissuade her from this. Everything else she adapts to the preferences of the partner. She does not force close cuddling and kissing in public, but if it makes her partner happy, she is 100% into it.

#ask prompt #david kingsley #justin rosedale #lia kingsley #thanks for the ask!

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theangryjikooker · 9 months

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Hey TAJ!

I’ve been loving the increased activity on your blog these days! I hope you don’t mind me asking a recycled question that I’ve seen other blogs being asked recently. What is one thing you love about each member and one constructive criticism that you would give? I really like hearing other people’s thoughts on the members’ personality traits. 🤗

LOL you can thank the anons that are literally flooding my inbox. I’m just picking things at random to answer at this point because there’s no way I’m catching up.

A different kind of question! Let’s see:

SEOKJIN He’s attentive, he’s a great hyung, he has no ego for someone who’s the oldest. He possesses a beautiful sense of empathy that can sometimes get lost in people who come from a well-to-do background. However, despite appearances, he lacks confidence where it actually matters. Yes, he’s beautiful and an excellent gamer; he’s funny and a charming host. But when it comes to his abilities as a singer and performer, he’ll find a way to be self-deprecating.

YOONGI He’s an excellent all-rounder, sharp-tongued, and witty. He’s brutally honest in a society that still doesn’t quite value it. He’s so full of warmth despite his predilection for a stoic front. He’s a great hyung, but his brutal honesty can sometimes lean into insensitivity. I don’t think he means to be mean-spirited about it, but some things in life require a soft hand.

HOSEOK Extremely underrated and versatile artist. It makes sense that he’s considered the second-in-command because he has so much discipline and desire for efficiency. I love that he embraces his sunny and dark side, and how he dotes on the maknae line. His perfectionism is to be lauded from a professional standpoint, but it’s equally his own worst enemy. He seems to have good control over it, but I’ve seen that type of perfectionism splinter relationships or become the catalyst for a complex.

NAMJOON Gifted in every possible way, especially his command of Korean and English in practical and creative ways; he’s a talented wordsmith and arguably untouchable in that sense. He’s introspective and great at expressing himself clearly. He’s an incredible leader, and BTS bias aside, I do think his brand of leadership is unparalleled amongst his peers. One thing that I’ve noticed with him, however, is that he seems to get really frustrated easily but will harness it until he implodes.

JIMIN Maturity beyond his years, he’s kind and is willing to give pieces of himself to others who need him. He’s very considerate of others and an overall delightful human being full of vulnerability, and I love that he’s managed to overcome a lot of demons in order to embrace himself better. My criticism for him is that he seems to rely a lot on BTS as a unit and preserving this idea of staying together forever, and I think his level of attachment can be really devastating when the reality of it sets in later that nothing lasts forever. Not that he would ever lose touch with the members, but Jimin sometimes gives the impression that he thinks he’s nothing without BTS, which is false.

TAEHYUNG My eccentric alien, and it’s what I love the most about him and what gives him an edge. I love that his personality is dynamic and that he’s confident in himself, that he knows how to prioritize himself and his needs, enforces boundaries when he has to. I would go so far as to say that Taehyung, next to Yoongi, is one of the main protectors of BTS. My critique might sound like a cop out to some, but he’s genuinely the hardest to read. Sure, in his profession, those walls keep people you don’t want out, but it also makes it hard for me (as a fan) to connect with him beyond anything superficial. Not that he owes that to me or anyone.

JUNGKOOK My favorite thing about him is how open he is to his environment; he’s a sponge. Everything that he is frequently praised for is indisputable, and he’s still young. He’s truly an impressive human, and what I love even more is how his appearance belies his true personality. It’s so endearing. The one thing I’d criticize, which is both counterintuitive and likely an unpopular thing to say, is that he’s too open with ARMY. Of all the members, he’s cultivated a very strong parasocial relationship with his fans, which I’ve thought for a while to be a little bit… unhealthy. I understand that he’s trying to give as much as he gets, but I do think he gets carried away at times.

—

Whew, this took me a while, and I definitely started glazing over about halfway through. Thanks for the ask!

#TAJ asks #shanshancaynes #bts #ot7

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lost-in-prose · 2 years

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Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder (DPDR)

Hello, my beautiful people, and welcome again to another long post in my Truth About Childhood Trauma and CPTSD series. As always, if you see the stars (☆☆☆☆) that means there is a break in information and you can step away without getting lost.

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING- READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION⚠️(researching this was extremely triggering for me, so if you have DPDR or CPTSD, please be careful)

!!This should in no way be used as a diagnostic tool!!

Where It All Begins:

***this is a severe form of dissociation. To learn what dissociation is, read here***

Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder is when you feel as if you are living outside of your body and/or unable to connect to your sense of self (Mayo Clinic, 2017). While most people experience this at some point in their lives, it becomes classified as a disorder when you persistently and repeatedly experience these feelings of being unreal. DPDR often interferes with daily life, and those who have this disorder have a difficult time functioning with it.

This disorder often manifests in the late teenage years or early adulthood (Mayo Clinic, 2017). This is often because the fight-flight-freeze coping mechanism of dealing with stress/trauma often wears off around this time, leaving the brain to crumble as it tries to rebuild itself and recover. Those experiencing this often believe that they are ‘going crazy’ because it is so hard to describe exactly what is being felt, but this disorder is very real and those with it often suffer for years before it begins to resolve-if it ever does (this disorder only has a 2% diagnosis rate, meaning that most who have it never get the treatment they need, thus never recovering). It often goes hand and hand with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) (Campbell, 2021).

⚠️A SCARY STATISTIC⚠️ (this is part of what triggered me. Read at your own risk, my loves): There is only a 5.8% survival rate for those who are formally diagnosed with DPDR. The people with this condition feel as if they are unreal, and it is a soul-sucking feeling of emptiness and loneliness that most do not understand. This isolation causes those with this disorder to feel extremely ‘crazy’ and alone, driving them towards suicide.

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Causes:

This disorder's cause isn’t completely understood, however there are many risk factors that have been proven to have a correlation to those who experience it:

a personality that makes it extremely difficult to adapt to different situations (not introvertism, etc., but rather debilitating inability to give something a chance; wanting to but being unable to)

severe childhood or early adulthood trauma, when the brain is still developing

EXTREME and SEVERE toxic stress

depression or anxiety

the repeated use of recreational drugs and/or alcohol

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Symptoms:

some of these I have personally experienced while others are ones I have found in my research

Depersonalization symptoms:

feeling as if you aren’t in control of what you are doing, but rather just watching your body go through the motions

memory loss

the loss of time

numb to all sensations and feelings

emotional numbness

struggling to define who you are (constantly searching for labels to identify yourself, only to find you don't connect with any of them)

feeling as if your arms and legs don’t belong with your body

feeling like your head is wrapped in cotton

feeling like you are not in control of your thoughts and words

emotional dumbness to the world around it

second guessing whether your memories are real

having a sense that your memories lack emotion

second-guessing if you are even here/if you are even real

NUMB. SO MUCH NUMB. FEELING AS IF YOU ARE TRAPPED IN YOUR OWN CHEST, SCREAMING AND CRYING AND BEGGING TO BE LET OUT

unmotivated (executive dysfunction)

comfort spaces (extremely overprotective of them)

voice sounds separate from the body

disconnected from own reflection (anxiety)

Derealization symptoms:

feeling as if you are moving through a dream/deep water

struggling to remember where you are/recognize your surroundings (for example, I was laying in my bed one night and rolled over to my stomach and immediately started freaking out because I had no idea where I was/nothing was familiar to me at all. it was a split-second thing, but it scared the fuck out of me and still shakes me up thinking about it)

confused on passage of time

mixing up the sequence of how events occurred

feeling as if you are a bystander of the world, not actually living in it

feeling like your surroundings are unreal/disproportionate

feeling emotionally disconnected from the people you care about

vision problems (2D vision, black and white vision, shaky vision, the sense of looking in a fun house mirror(here are 2 tiktoks that show what it looks like: savi613 and priyalylaa))

lightheadedness

light sensitivity

eyes not focusing in general

believing the people around you are actors/not real

sound sensitivity (superhuman hearing one minute, then being unable to hear anything the next)

existential crisis

crisis of faith

hyperaware of surroundings and pain

panic attacks

unable to recognize family members and friends

Statistics can be found here

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Healing from DPDR:

psychotherapy

medication

grounding techniques

tell others so that they understand what you are going through, and they can accommodate as much as possible

nature walks

make a playlist full of songs that make you feel something (here are some of my playlists that help me feel things: I don’t belong here; IM IN A MOOD; Main Character Vibes; Floor is Lava; Beep Beep Sad Fuck; crying and throwing up simultaneously)

writing (I don’t care if it’s a journal, diary, sticky notes, horror stories, satirical articles, whatever)

try to have a schedule/balanced life

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Resources:

suicide and crisis lifeline: 988

NAMI Helpline: 800-950-6264

We Level Up Hotline: 855-505-1991

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Quizzes:

I could not find any online quizzes to put into this post that weren’t sketchy. If you believe you are experiencing DPDR Disorder, talk to a mental health professional or a supportive person you trust to see further help/treatment.

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Relationship to CPTSD:

As someone with Complex PTSD, this is one of the major symptoms I experience on an almost daily basis. DPDR is a coping mechanism that is used to disconnect yourself from your body in moments of extreme trauma to protect your brain and emotions, and while it may be helpful at the time, if you are dissociating in this way outside of harmful experiences, the protective measure becomes the thing you need to protection from.

DPDR is the ‘freeze’ portion of the fight-flight-freeze response associated with the trauma that causes someone to have CPTSD. And even if you are no longer in those situations, the dissociation can haunt you for the rest of your life.

Works Cited:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depersonalization-derealization-disorder/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20352916

https://otbproject.com/dpdr-facts-and-statistics/

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/depersonalization-derealization-disorder#next-steps

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/January-2020/A-Blueprint-to-Healing-From-Depersonalization

If you have any questions, let me know. I’ll try to answer them as best as I can :)

Main post found here.

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bullshit-in-disguised · 2 years

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How would you describe Cade's journey from his transition into a Transformer, let alone a Beastformer, knowing the power he holds now and the unimaginable dangers he is in, until his phase of accepting himself for who he has become?

Was his emotional state okay? Did he had deep depressing thoughts? Did he have to go through a new language exchange? And how was his first time trying to transform into a dragon, was it okay? Did he hurt his back or something? There's so many I'm curious to know

OH HONEY I CANT WAIT TO TELL THE SHIT THAT OLD BURGERS HAVE TO GO THROUGH.

I ALSO I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE ASK THESE QUESTIONS TO ME!!!!

It’s a lot to take in

Honestly it him hard as a freight train that he might never get a chance to live a normal human life.

Like imagine one day you just minding your own business and then all the sudden. You feel this unimaginable pain going on your body, as you see a piece of your flesh start to melt into metal without any warning. Everything feels heavy now, you can’t breathe, see or move as everything in your body starts to turn into metal and then you passed out unable to stay conscious as the last thing you see is your blood turning into a glowing green color burning you alive and then your out.

Your memories of your dying organic body are a blur but can recall the pain and the sounds your orgains literally melting off your own body. It’s like drowning in the sea of acid.

Then you wake up again, everything is now fuzzy as you try to get up…but everything feels so unfamiliar now. The new sensations hits like a truck as you notice there are now massive how big you are, your body is now made of metal, your mind is struggling to control these new feelings and the sensory overload your having it the systems in your mind and body. The worst part you wake up in a government facility, your rattled mind try to process what happened….but it can’t the newly feral instincts take over your frantic mind. Fillled with adrenaline you transformed for the first time into a beast. Attempting to claw your way out of the place. You were frantic as now your getting held down by metal beings that you can recognized but can’t.

But after being coaxed out of that frenzied state by your horrified daughter and your worried Spouse. You have a gradual realization of what just happened. You turned into a transformer…the same race as your spouse and the others…

In the nutshell that transformation was not easy for Cade’s mental health at that time.

His emotional state is a wreck, it takes him a long time to come to terms of what happened to his original human body and the consequences that follow. He actually suffers derealization episodes and depressive episodes because of how unfamiliar his cybertronian body is to him. Thankfully he does recover from it thanks to his family and professional help. He eventually sees and gets the best out of this situation, the idea of being a transformer is pretty cool to him now and feels more connected with the autobots. So accepting his new life is something that he has to come to terms with. But can’t help it, but to mourn the lost of his organic body.

Being strong enough to basically to kill a person with a single strike is terrifying. He often frets of the possibility of hurting Tessa or Izzy by accident. This doesn’t help that he has claws so that’s another worry. Cade is often struggling to get used to the new strength and power that he now possess. He’s often hesitates to hold humans, especially when he’s holding Tessa with the palm of his servo terrified of crushing her by accident. He often shakes with anxiety, Optimus often have to teach Cade for to control his strength so he won’t hurt anyone by accident.

Plus he has fire breath so that’s a bullshit issue that he has to deal with.

Being a beastformer is hard for Cade to get used to. He has to control his own emotions, keeping his instincts in check is extremely important to make sure he doesn’t lose it. AND SPEAKING ABOUT THE BEASTFORM-

When he transformed with into that his beast form without going crazy. He actually gets disoriented and dizzy for a while. Like having your body shift into a different form is pretty cool at first, but holy shit it was dizzy as hell. Transformation is second nature to a cybertronian, but for Cade it felt weird. To him having another form feels strange for him. It’s understandable that cybertronian have modes and he has to get used to that. But moving and talking as a giant scary metal lizard is actually really cool, especially with the distorted beast voice.

BUT- he can’t stay in beast form in long period of time in his first years as a transformer cause it actually affects his walking ability and cause back problems. Like imagine staying in that form for like weeks and then transform in your root form, at first you expect to walk normally but nope Cade just falls face flat on the floor. He couldn’t walk well and just crawls on fours. It turns out that it’s going to take a while for his systems to probably adjust to the mode shifts. It’s a bitch for to get used to. Cade has to use crutches and a walking cane after staying into beast form in long periods of time. Also it causes back problems for him to so often he transforms into beast form. Cade often stays in his berth room recovering. But thankfully he gets used to it, of the point that he no longer have to worry about his back problems and his ability to walk again.

(Fun fact Optimus would often carry Cade around bridal style, when he’s in that state. He always makes sure that his mate doesn’t get hurt-)

However when it comes to cybertronian language that’s a different story. He’s already built in with the power to understand and speak ancient cybertronian. When it comes learning modern cybertronian it’s basically taking a fucking language lesson and downloading Duolingo. Actually downloading data and looking up to the internet is tricky for Cade to do. But once he has the hang of it, he flows well. Thanks to his bond with OP, Cade definitely learned it pretty well but will confuse words, as he tends to mix up sentences at time.

(Shit that bilingual folk go through lmao-)

Honestly just everything is just new for Cade and honestly when he does comes to terms of his circumstances of being a Cybertronian….he’s content.

Like his life before meeting OP and the others was rough and had to make tough calls to keep himself and Tessa a float. Honestly he would miss the human things, that he used to do but that’s it…Cade has no other friends and family from his past to come back to aside from the autobots. He’s content to have this crazy new life, his daughter is safe, he has a lover who’s an Alien robot and his Family of other alien robots. He connects them more than humans and honestly he loves this life. He’s happy to find a purpose to continue to pursue his inventions, but now he can use that to help others in needs. He learned a lot from his time living with the bots. Cade honestly tends to walk forward and keep going forward the future.

In Cade’s mind it’s finding the good out of a shitty situation. Searching for that treasure in the trash…that’s his motto those words that comfort him, when things get crazy and bad for him.

So yeah Cade is not going to have a good time but hey as long he’s with his loved ones.

#transformers #maccadam #bayverse au #transformers au #bayverse #cade yeager #requiemverse #cw body horror #body horror mention #long post #yeager program #ask

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marshmallowprotection · 2 years

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It sounds like the people want an analysis of which MM character kins which Love Live girl. :3c

That sounds like it's up your alley! God knows we don't want me to butcher characterization. But, hey, let's see if I can figure this out and maybe some people will agree with me... or they'll correct me and try to find a better answer! So, uh, I'll put this underneath a [Read More] so it doesn't clog up timelines with photos! Please, have mercy on my soul, I’m doing my best with what I think is fitting.

Yoosung strikes me as a very strong contender for Kotori. I know, hear me out here. It has a lot to do with their emotional arcs. I think Yoosung struggles to be able to do things for himself until you came into his life during his route... just as it is tough for Kotori to think about her friends since she’s always putting things that the others want before herself. Yet, she’s a smart student, creative, and is always determined to put her best foot forward. It speaks to Yoosung who has so much talent but... he always thinks about what Rika would’ve wanted, and that is how he ended up being a vet. He never wanted someone to cry like she did over her precious dog. Yet, we know Yoosung loves baking, too, he just never travels that interest even though it means a lot to him.

Jaehee is one I knew right off the bat. Don’t ask me why I thought this way but I just knew that she had to be Eli. I think it has to do with the staunch aura that we know that Eli can have. She’s very firm about her beliefs, and there are a lot of people who think she’s firm or stiff about things because of how much hard work she puts into that. It reminds me of when MC joins the RFA and Jaehee is one of the most skeptical and wary for such a long time. I think Jaehee needs time to be comfortable with you... in the same way that it takes time for people to start to understand Jaehee.

Zen has always struggled with his emotions and his perception of himself. He has spent his life learning how to love his body and love who he is despite the extreme amount of duress that people put on him for something that was out of his control time and time again. Nobody scream, but I feel like Zen would feels a strong connection to Ruby. I know this is crazy, but you gotta hear me out. Ruby was close to her big sister Dia for a long time until things became muddled over time due to shared interests. Zen was close to his brother before his brother saw his dreams to be a actor, and then his brother started to fight with him and kick him to do something “proper”. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if this has to do with the fact that Zen’s parents pressured his brother to give up on one of his own dreams as a child, and it unfortunately became ingrained in his head to the point where he crushed Zen, too... but unlike Dia and Ruby, there’s probably no way that’s ever going to be fixed again. I think that might... mean something to Zen who still wishes his family would support him.

Jumin has always hard a hard time feeling like he belongs. He never lets anyone know that, though. He lets you think that he’s the man you believe him to be and that’s simply the way that it is. But, if you deeply come into his life, you realize in one second that Jumin’s a dork who loves to watch old movies and read about magic and the occult. A part of me wants to say that he would feel a connection with Yohane. I think it’s because he would relate to feeling like he never really did belong around the people around him. He was lonely and disconnected from the world so much... and he found comfort in things most people think are odd so he keeps it to himself. Much like how Yohane struggles to make true friends with her hobbies.

Seven has lived a double life for a long time. He doesn’t know who he is without a mask and he isn’t sure that it’s okay to be himself with the mask. He pretends to be 707 to survive even though Saeyoung is crying deep inside of his heart. It isn’t until MC comes into his life that he learns it’s okay to fight for himself and that it’s okay to let out Saeyoung, too. He can be Seven and Saeyoung. He can laugh and cry, but he can be sincere and honest. How is that not Setsuna’s arc where she struggles up and down to be the student council president while she hides who she truly is from her parents and family? Nana has to be perfect and true, and Setsuna can be loud and proud. Same arc.

V is the Hanamaru to Jumin’s Yohane. It feels wrong not to connect them, and I think that... well, there’s something to be said about Hanamaru feeling like the soul and heart of the group, and V being the center of the RFA after what went down with Rika. I also think there’s something to be said about how they both side with traditional means. V isn’t big on technology and is only known to use it for his photography, apart from that, we see him live rather rustic and to himself. The man smokes a pipe for Pete’s sake. Regardless, he is disconnected just as much as Jumin was... and in that same way, Hanamaru and Yohane share a similar bond to V and Jumin. I think that makes sense to me.

Ray is Ayumu. Ayumu is Ray. I think anyone that watches and plays both of these things would agree. Ayumu is very firm about how much she cares about her friend, Yu. So much so that she has a breakdown about losing her when she thinks that her best friend is leaving her behind, knocking Yu down and looking at her with fear and anguish burning through her veins. She fears being left by her dearest people. She has a lot of insecurities about herself and constantly is debating if it’s okay to do things and to be herself... much like how Ray struggles to be himself. He has to have support and validation to feel affirmed, and even at that point, he gets sick to his stomach when he receives praise he’s not sure that he’s worked hard enough for. Also, they’re both heavily flower coded.

I could do the rest of the Saeran’s but I’m still not sure on what I would assign to them if I picked someone other than Ayumu. I think I would still give Ayumu to all of them. Unknown and SE Saeran could be different but I’m not sure at this very specific moment.

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wu-kongs · 2 years

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First I want to say I love having to talk to and ask questions about shadow, makes it so much more fun.

Second, I came up with shadow starting with the prompt of what would macaque be without wukong. My brain went first to a back to the future parody where wukong and MK accidently stopped the monkeys from meeting, and the different timeline macaque was such a genuinely happy and sociable person (also secretly using his ears to know everyone secrets and sell the information, becoming head of a criminal empire) which would cause wukong lots of angst to see. But that world would change too much for my taste, so I thought of a macaque that was macaque in every single way (death, lbd imprisonment, dramatic ho) except he didn't remenber anything about wukong (I would also find it hilarious if wukong started screaming at Mac on why he's ignoring him, especially since they were starting to heal a bit, and Mac is like 'heh, who are you?') . Why would someone target Mac memories of only wukong in the first place? Maybe someone that loves macaque and is hurt by how much macaque centers himself on wukong despite how much of that is hurting him. But how would someone love Mac if he has spend centuries staying away from connections? Maybe someone that Mac literally can't get away from. And boom the idea of shadow was born.

So that long backstory was all to state macaque needs to lose all his memories of wukong before anyone finds out about shadow even existing. Macaque especially can't find out because lord know he would never want to fully forget wukong, he defines himself on what wukong made him into.

To answer your other stuff. A therapist wouldn't help shadow directly. He's motivated by based instinct like you said (except the base is macaque emotional well being not survival, if dying would guarantee macaque's eternal happiness they would gladly die). All their answers to therapist questions would wrap up to simple sentences that somehow go back to macaque. And theyre literally not capable of the higher thought needed for self reflection. Only way for a therapist to help here is to get macaque a therapist lol.

Shadow is actually extremely selfless. They love macaque, would do absolutely anything for him (like the song I wanna be your slave, except not romantic) . They don't want macaque all to themselves, all they ever want is for macaque to be happy. It's just that they think the best way for macaque to be happy is to be isolated and to forget all about wukong. If shadow could be convinced macaque could actually be happy surrounded by others, he would gladly encourage that. It would just be extremely hard to convince them since they've witnessed macaque suffering over wukong for centuries. Witnessed every breakdown, cries, unhealthy hook ups in an attempt to fill the hole in his heart, etc. Macaque has been surviving but he's miserable and broken, shadow wants him to thrive (you know, by emotionally hurting macaque more unintentionally. Shadow is dumb, takes every evidence that self isolation hurts macaque to mean macaque reaching out for connections is the real problem).

Shadow as an entity was created to be macaque's friend, to love him unconditionally and never leave him, cause that's what macaque and his emotions wanted more than anything. It also got a tiny bit twisted because macaque also didn't want any friends to avoid any more pain, so shadow was kept as just a voice in his head macaque thought was his own. Before all of it he was literally just macaque's shadow. Not a normal shadow cause macaque controls shadows and is full of shadow magic, but still a shadow. So I guess them being a part of macaque depends if you think your shadow is part of you or not.

Last, MK could maybe get through but like I said before it would be extremely hard. Would be easier to get shadow to return macaque memories by convincing him macaque isn't really the macaque shadow loves without his wukong memories. Wukong has defined macaque so much, even if he's happier without remembering him, the 'he' is not macaque. Convincing shadow of anything else probably requires macaque to do some self reflection and sincerely state he was wrong about only looking out for number one and only depending on himself, and that he needs friendship to be happy. (convincing shadow about wukong in specific, would take a goddam miracle. They will never not hate him but maybe they could tolerate him. Maybe. After wukong begged for forgiveness for 700 years straight)

everyone deserves to be battered with questions about their OC until they can't stand it anymore, i know i love to go on and on and on about my creations until someone threatens my life (even then)

it's hard to have a character that exists solely for someone else because it can get flat very quickly, but i like the way you did it—it's more interesting since shadow thinks what he's doing is the right thing to do (and those kinds of characters can be the most dangerous because it means they're willing to do anything to maintain and pursue what they think is right. see: captain america a la civil war)

it's hysterical how macaque exists in a world where he hasn't met wukong: utterly happy. really. really tells you something about the damage wukong did to him, just puts it into absolute soul-crushing perspective LMFAO. your development process on it is really fun to see!

would shadow listen to macaque if (in the case that macaque discovered him and realized what he's been doing) macaque confronted him about what he wanted? or would shadow respond to it in a you don't know what you want, mother knows best way?

i don't have other questions to conjure about shadow (which is not out of lost interest, promise) other than, have you thought about another name for him? or do you consider 'shadow' good enough?

#ask #anonymous #welcome to the chamber of o commerce #he is so much fun

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