#and it seems very clear that you don't actually care about the people you're professing to 'defend'

[divinesangel]

— 𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞

ps. there's a mini announcement on personal readings at the end of the post! so if you're interested in getting a reading from me, don't miss it out! ♡

— 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐚 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞!

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏

your soulmate is a compassionate soul. they've always felt a deep calling to be empathetic and help others. their level of emotional sensitivity is rare in today's world, and they harness that energy to find clarity and purpose in life. i also see that this person can be very spiritual, finding meaning in everything and believing that things happen for a reason. i also see them being the type of person to care a lot about you and always trying to make sure that you're okay.

on the other hand, i can also see that this person takes their relationships very seriously. when they commit to something, they are fully invested. in matters of love, they're not the type to engage in casual flings or without a clear direction. they've experienced several heartbreaks in their love life because of this, perhaps encountering individuals who didn't take them seriously or neglected the relationship due to lack of commitment. they simply weren't on the same page or at the same level, as your soulmate is someone who dates with the intention of marriage.

this person is also someone strategic and knows how to deal with others. they are intuitive while also having a keen understanding of people based on how they handle themselves and their actions. they also love to travel and likely someone who, by the time you meet them, has already visited many countries and will always talk to you about their travels and experiences. it seems that their job is what keeps them constantly traveling and visiting new places. you're going to bring a lot of peace of mind to this person and be great company, finally putting an end to their years of loneliness.

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐

the first thing that came to mind is that perhaps this person works in something related to law. it seems like they hold a fairly significant profession, and they're probably in a higher rank or position, which means they carry a lot of responsibility on their shoulders. this person has been through a lot, has had many experiences, and knows very well how the world works and what needs to be done to get to wherever you want to be. because of this, they've had to learn from a very young age that they must protect themselves and be always on guard to prevent others from getting too close or try to take advantage of them.

however, once you break through those barriers and start to get to know this person, you realize that they're actually quite open and very positive about the future. they're quite independent, and it seems like they've always been that way. i feel that much of this is because they've always been alone in all their battles and successes. it's somewhat difficult for this person to accept that others will be happy for them, that they will wish them the best, because they've been through many situations where others may have seen them as a rival or as someone who doesn't deserve what they have, when in reality, they do. it may also be that sometimes they don't feel entirely confident with their achievements and decide to keep them to themselves instead of celebrating them openly.

there's an energy in their lives regarding other people that is quite prominent. i see that they have had many problems with friendships in the past because these friendships didn't treat them entirely well, or perhaps there was a lot of negativity involved, envy, or similar. your soulmate has had to stay strong in all these circumstances and go through those disappointments of believing that someone has the best intentions for them and believing that someone was their friend when in reality, the other person thinks in a totally different way. they've had to go through a lot of negativity that has come from others, but now i see them manifesting what they desire and leading a quieter life.

when you meet them, you'll realize that this person is very good at communication and knows how to express themselves in any situation. i see that you're going to make this person very, very happy, but at the same time, you'll realize that they're someone who carries a lot of responsibilities and a heavy burden on them. this person will be able to find a kind of comfort in you because you'll know how to deal with it and how to make them feel better. it's going to be unusual for them, because they haven't experienced that type of feeling in their life, but they will gladly accept your love.

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑

your soulmate seems to be someone who leans towards the more traditional side of things. they value romantic relationships, personal connections, and above all, building a family and having a solid marriage. family happiness and emotional fulfillment are of utmost importance to them, as they deeply cherish such relationships and the joy of a harmonious home. they're affectionate and loving, seeking that sense of completeness and emotional satisfaction in you. while others may perceive them as rigid or overly logical, they're actually quite tender and affectionate. however, this side of them is reserved only for the one they love. initially, they might come across as cold or aloof, but as you get to know them, you'll realize that this facade doesn't reflect who they truly are. they're also likely to possess excellent communication skills and can effectively communicate in any situation. once you're with them, you'll discover the immense love they have to offer and how seriously they take relationships. it's highly probable that they've held onto the idea of marriage and lifelong commitment from a young age, perhaps influenced by their parents or grandparents. there's an energy of someone much older than them, probably a grandparent, guiding them to prioritize lasting connections.

at the moment, i see them going through a period of emotional or spiritual disconnection. they might be facing a challenging time where they feel uncertain about their love life or what the future holds. they seem to be feeling quite stuck despite their efforts, but this phase is temporary and won't last forever. one of their biggest concerns is not being able to find someone who truly understands them. of course, this won't be the case once they meet you, but for now, they're waiting for a change in their life that doesn't seem to come. there's a sense of resentment within them, making them question if what they're hoping for is unattainable or unrealistic. in their mind, all they desire is someone who will be there for them emotionally. it's a type of connection they haven't been able to find with anyone else, and they're unsure of what else to do to feel that way. they long for emotional fulfillment, someone who understands their feelings and makes them feel complete, something they haven't experienced so far. they also hold onto the idea of soulmates, but they're uncertain if it's something real or just a concept from books or movies.

nevertheless, they're someone who remains consistent and stable. this may become more apparent much later because it seems they're currently laying the groundwork for their future stability. but by the time you meet, i see this person being well-established, holding a respected position in society, and commanding much more respect than they do now. they may feel somewhat emotionally empty, but that's where you come in :)

𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

hi! it's daphne here.

i'm currently offering personal readings for €5 ($5.43) so don't hesitate to send me a private message if you're interested!

thank you for being here!

#pick a pile #tarot #free reading #personal readings #pick a card #pile 1 #pile 2 #pile 3 #pick an image #free tarot reading #tarot reading #pac tarot #pac #tarot messages #tarot pick a card #pac reading #pick a photo #level up journey #pick a picture #astrology #soulmate #astrology community #devi post #tarotcommunity #divination #tarot deck #witchcraft #astro posts #astrology notes #astro notes

[storm-priestess]

⋆ ⋆⃟⊱✪⃝⊰⋆⃟⋆⋆ THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE ⋆⋆⃟⊱✪⃝⊰⋆⃟⋆ ⋆

just some random short messages -

(all images are taken from weheartit)

♤ Pile 1 ♤

they crave a genuine connection, full of support and love, but they've been robbed of that thus far--starting with their family

they've been the victim of manipulation and abuse in their past, and have learned to fend for themselves

as such, try not to be too put off if they seem a bit detached upon first meeting. don't be afraid to tell them what you want and need from this relationship later on (as they may try and just bypass all the deep work they need to do to be in a healthy relationship), but be aware that this is hard for them. be honest and clear, especially when expressing affection

bc of their wounds, they may be afraid of commitment; part of them won't believe that this could be real, and they may run away from their feelings at times to avoid what they believe to be another heartbreak

words of affirmation would go a long way with this person, but they will be dubious and a bit uncomfortable for a bit while they adjust to this new version of love

♤ Pile 2 ♤

wild at heart, may have some commitment issues but appears to be working on them. you may have to give them a nudge

very into their work, could have a creative profession or something that involves travel

leo, aries and sag are shown here

with a water moon or venus

they have such a light about them, they glow when they're doing what they love

this may cause some jealousy on your end bc they put so much time into their work, but for this relationship to thrive you're going to need to let them keep their freedom and passion for their work/hobbies

they do like alone time… maybe they've dealt with clingy partners in the past? there's a soreness and sensitivity regarding that. they hate control

they definitely have a soft spot for you… allow them their freedom and they will come running back to you every time. you need to be secure for this relationship to work

they worry that you won't be down with this; past partners have probably broken up with them over their dedication to things outside the relationship

I was debating adding this, but it could also be something regarding their personal preferences? for example, they may be asexual, and worry that you wouldn't be down with that? or bisexual, pansexual, etc

there is something (safe!!!) about them that sometimes turns people away, and they're a bit insecure about it but ultimately know that they're not willing to compromise and this is what's best for them (good for them!!!)

♤ Pile 3 ♤

um, total badass???

they seem like the full package

they may appear to have everything–a good job, funny, people begging for their attention… but they're a bit sensitive, tbh

they have a tendency to hide behind a facade, people pleasing and cracking jokes and being the one people look to for a good time

but they feel like they have a hard time expressing themselves, and as a result find difficulty in relationships

they attract people who like their persona more so than their actual selves

very intuitive and can sniff out attention-seekers or gold diggers from a mile away

very intelligent, tho may not appear that way. they tend to smile a lot, so people may think that they're more easy-going than they actually are, and that those who approach them can get away with a lot more than they actually can

very conservative with their energy; life of the party but only have a few CLOSE friends that they tell their real feelings too

they seem to have taken a break from the serious dating scene for the time being, instead focusing on other things bc they're sick of the relationships they find themselves in

they're just not the right people for them, or not looking for the same things out of the relationship

a bit of a dark past, but that's pretty vague

good relationship with their family and a total softie at heart

it's giving very rom com vibes where the (suspected) playboy brings the love interest home and she sees the caring way he treats his family and discovers the side of him he's always been hiding

if there's anything bad about them, it's that they have a tendency to push others away before really knowing them, bc they anticipate the worst occasionally

#pac reading #tarot pac #pick a card #pickacard #tarot #love reading #love tarot #future spouse #future spouse tarot #future spouse reading #fs tarot reading #enjoy! #<3

[wackybuddiemewbs]

Buddie Moodboard - The Wedding Date AU

Because we totally needed another wedding themed moodboard *ahem*. Anyway, rewatched that movie recently, read some great snippets and fanfic with that dynamic. So I mooded the board. Or boarded the mood. Either way. Cheers!

Eddie's plan is absolutely waterproof, foolproof, even. Because he somehow has to get through his sister's wedding in Mexico without his parents trying to snatch Christopher from him again.

Thus, Eddie wants to be one step ahead – distraction tactic, plain and simple. Because sure as hell will his parents not have much to say if the first thing they hear is that Eddie is engaged again, to a guy. Because that part of his attraction was one of the many secrets that he kept from his parents throughout the years. And now it may finally play to his advantage.

Eddie stumbled upon this article in a magazine that led him down the rabbit hole of someone who is, to quote, no escort or pimp. "Buck" is a man who helps people navigate family gatherings as the pretend-boyfriend, pretend-fiancé, pretend-husband, whatever you want.

And whatever you're up to pay for.

And sure, Hen may try to talk him out of it, but Eddie is sure that this is his once-in-a-lifetime chance to make his parents see him instead of his past failures as a husband and a father. He just has to get through that wedding without them talking about Shannon or his life choices regarding his profession and moving to Los Angeles.

Then maybe, just maybe, they will actually see that he's worth the second chance.

Be it no matter, Eddie goes ahead with his plan. And he is very sure of his plan until he gets on the plane with Christopher. It's not like he panics, Eddie doesn't panic, but he feels a bit of the heat, let's say.

But all of that is forgotten when he meets his fiancé, pretend-fiancé, Buck. Buck is a straight 10 without a shadow of a doubt. And Christopher instantly dotes on him. Five minutes into knowing each other, they are busy exchanging weird facts about animals.

So this can go over well. It surely will.

After a not-so-quick and entirely not planned change, the three arrive at the wedding reception. And by all accounts, Buck's playing his part as the caring fiancé perfectly. To the point that Eddie starts to wonder whether some of the things he says are actually true, even though he knows it's all lies. That's what he paid for, after all.

Buck swiftly charms his entire family. Even his parents seem somewhat caught up in the tales he spins about Eddie and how great he is as a father. And Eddie will have to admit, it's nice. This feeling of not just being a single parent. If only for a week. And if only as a façade to make his parents back off.

After a stag night gone horribly wrong in more ways than Eddie can count, Buck and Eddie stumble into bed, well, boat, together. Which is to say that this apparently complicates what should be a very professional business deal between two parties. The two get into a bit of a fight due to some many misunderstandings, but after a dance rehearsal, the two are able to mend things and start to get to know each other for real.

When Eddie runs into his crew, the 118, he's in for some more surprises. Apparently, Hen set Bobby, Chimney, and Maddie up to follow him to Mexico to keep him from making the mistake of a lifetime. Though apparently, missed flights, wrong bus information, and a lack of Spanish lessons led his friends down some many roads that made them a) come very late and b) demand amends for their troubles.

But the surprises don't end there. Because, as it turns out, Maddie is Buck's sister. And Buck's name is actually Evan. Which means Eddie actually had sex and considered dating a guy he didn't even know the first name of.

So much to having it all under control.

Though thankfully, Buck can clear things up between them later on. He shares in how he came to this job. And it surely has been one hell of a journey from a bar in Peru all the way to Los Angeles, and now in a small town in the Northern part of Mexico.

After that, Eddie feels like they are actually headed in the right direction, against those many, many, many odds. That is until he overhears a heated discussion between Buck and his parents wherein Buck spills their secret about how Eddie hired him to pretend to be his fiancé…

Find more moodboards here.

#buddie #buck x eddie #eddie x buck #evan buckley #evan buck buckley #eddie diaz #evan buckley x eddie diaz #eddie diaz x evan buckley #buddie moodboard #moodboard #aesthetic #buddie fanfic #in smol #teeny tiny smol unit #i have a lot of feelings about this AU alright?

[elia-de-silentio]

Vanitas and affection: a complicated relationship

In light of recent chapters and waiting for the next to deliver our new dose of pain, I've decided to make a bit of analysis on how Vanitas relates to affection.

Vanitas enters this world, and gets the first of a long series of traumas. A classic: mother dies in childbirth, the baby is blamed for existing. Vanitas had internalized this thinking from his father ... or maybe it was a reasoning he made on his own (he says that his father 'must have hated him', but does not recall the man actually telling him so), and his father did not correct him - either because he subconsciously agreed or because he wasn't the most emotionally attuned man in the world.

After all, the only thing certain about Vanitas's father is his tendency to self-sacrifice: he abandoned his birth family and respectable profession to follow the woman he loved in her travelling caravan, even if he didn't like the rest of the people there; he gave up his life to save his son.

And this latter part is what furthers Vanitas's trauma, as he will feel an extra dose of guilt for causing his father's sacrifice.

After the death of his family, he is taken by the Chasseurs to be trained and become one of them. His strong hatred for vampires fueled him, and it's likely he was quite good at fighting, given what we see of him now. But alas, he caught the attention of Moreau.

Vanitas's damnation was his high empathy. As Luna will later point out, he would be able to escape; but Moreau had faked his death by killing a kid that looked like him, thus triggering his trauma of 'other people sacrificing for his sake'.

And then, he thought that even if he escaped, someone else would be tortured in his place. The reasoning is actually more based in self-loathing than reality, as attested by the existence of n.70 and 71; so he turned his reason for being there into trying to get more torture and lift it from the other children whenever he could.

Then he gets saved. Well, he likely doesn't perceive it like that, because Luna is a vampire, especially the Vampire of the Blue Moon whose blood Moreau injected him to try and turn him into a vampire. Nevertheless, there appears to have been a somewhat peaceful period between the escape from Moreau and the start of the series: we see Luna take care of him and Misha, giving them shelter, teaching them about malnomens and trying her hand at life lessons; we see little Vanitas do most of the chores, even if with a standoffish attitude; we see little Misha basking in the happiness of a somewhat stable and nice family situation.

Then something terrible happens.

It is revealed that due to Moreau's experiments, the kids are not exactly human anymore, but they aren't vampires either; their body can't substain this state of being, and they will die if they aren't turned into kins of the Blue Moon. Misha accepts, Vanitas refuses, wanting to stay human. Next thing we know, they are both kins of the Blue Moon with Marks of Possession, and Luna is dead.

As of the time of this writing, it is not clear exactly what happened; we know that Luna died, and that Vanitas played some role in it. Misha outright accuses him of killing her, but the framing of the actual events is quite ambiguous.

Vanitas, on his part, seems to have conflicting feelings: he says he wants to take revenge on Luna for drinking his blood, but when he's half-delirious, he mutters that he didn't really hate her; he appearently made Misha some promise that he didn't keep, and he is crushed by guilt as a result.

But whatever happened, his consent on the kin-making was ignored (just like it always happened in Moreau's laboratory) and another person that was close to him died either at his own hand, or because of him. And he gets some other trauma on top of an already long list.

Moreover, he was surprised to find out that Misha was alive. So, for some time, he believed the person who he loved like a brother was dead. Add good old grief to the mix.

So, we get to the Vanitas of the very first chapters of the manga. An outgoing, cocky individual ... a mask. After all, every time he has shown his actual feelings of anger and grief, it didn't turn out very well for him in the end, did it?

It also allows him to annoy and gross out people, specifically Noé and Jeanne. Nobody really likes his arrogance and pushiness, so they won't give him the affection he doesn't deserve.

Then, the aftermath of the Bal Masqué. Vanitas is provoking Ruthven, and Noé goes unexpectedly to protect him. To take risks for his sake. This already scares him, but then Noé has the gall to go and try to understand him! His reaction has to be more extreme: he flat out tries to attack Noé with a knife and tries to get him away, whereas he had been pretty much stalking him up to this point. But Noé refuses; and Vanitas is maybe just a little comforted and moved, enough to stop trying to push him away.

Then there is the Catacomb Arc, where a new character is introduced: Roland. He doesn't show spite to Vanitas, but still sees him with condescension, denying that he is acting out of his own free will. And this, to the former Chasseur who was left by the rest of them in Moreau's clutches, is untolerable. Roland means well, but he's going at it the wrong way.

After the fight with Roland, there is another argument between Vanitas and Noé. Vanitas does exactly what Noé had done before: shields him. This sends Noé on a sermon about how Vanitas, as a human, is weak and shouldn't take such risks, which infuriates the other boy: he bites back by calling Noé overconfident, citing the Ruthven accident as an example. This confuses Noé, because didn't he want him to become his shield?

I suspect that this was both Vanitas tendency to sacrifice himself for others, and a sign of tentative trust towards Noé. He does the same thing the vampire did for him ... and got rebuked, and called weak for his trouble. Noé's attitude is too patronizing to be seen as an actual sign of concern,and his already bad mood sours considerably.

Well, there is to say that after a similar crisis repeats itself a chapter later, complete with anti-vampire slurs on Vanitas part, Noè amends ... by using him as a fake hostage against Roland, which is still better that treating him as if he was weak.

Now, Noé might be naive in a lot of regards, but he is not stupid. From that moment onwards, he gets that Vanitas will be treated as an equal. He won't force him into dangerous situations, but he won't even treat him like he's too frail for it. He will be incouraging, but not condescending. And the result is that he actually snaps Vanitas out from his trauma-induced flashbacks, and gets him to be more open and trusting than he has ever been.

In the Gevaudan arc, Vanitas's emotional connections get shaken on two fronts: Noé 's and Jeanne's.

In this arc, he is the one to encourage and support Noé. He gives him advice on how to handle Astolfo; he gets worried about him when he's captured by Chloé (even if he expresses it in his own way).

He saves Noé from getting lost into Jean-Jacques's memories, listens to what he has to say, and concedes to what he wants, where at the start of the manga he was all 'my way or the highway'. He even almost (almost) admits that he was worried about Noé!

He still receives some actual support: demostrations of Noé's spirit which are good for the soul, and a proclamation that he believes in what Vanitas thinks about the origin of Malnomen, the first time a vampire says something like that. Vani plays grumpy, but he is obviously very shaken, in a positive way.

He finally shows Jeanne some actual support: he is cold to her after he was unwillingly vulnerable in her presence due to his illness, but pushes that aside rather quickly, in order to help her realize what she truly wants (saving Chloé instead of killing her) and that she's right to want it. He reminds her that she's a person, not a tool.

And she's grateful for it, and has definitely no qualms about expressing it. The result is that our hero spends days in blue screen, to then have a complete freakout at the possibility of being actually in love with Jeanne. He's so out  of it, he ends up oversharing his feelings of being undeserving of love to a Roland who he doesn't like and a Olivier he has never met before. Still, it's the first time he flat-out says his issues.

This brings us to his rooftop conversation with Noé. I really liked the vampire's behaviour here: he was comforting in a sort of roundabout way, à la Vanitas. He said that he is happy Vanitas is the way he is, even if he still doesn't like him very much. Translation: you're a way better person than you think you are, and you deserve to be loved. This is coming from a totally unbiased place, I'm not a weird person who would like you or something.

And this is the last conversation we see between the two of them: as of the time of this writing, Noé has been compelled to drink Misha's blood, and Vanitas has just arrived on the scene.

Vanitas has seen his self-loathing perspective challenged and has changed a lot in the span of a rather short time, and I really don't know how he'll react to Noé learning the details of his past; he sure won't want any form of compassion. Personally, I suspect he'll be very cold to Noé for quite some time, possibly even trying to drive him away, before a reconciliation.

Thanks to anyone who bothered to read my ramblings!

#vnc #the case study of vanitas #vanitas no carte #vanitas no shuki #vnc vanitas #vnc meta #vnc analysis #vnc noe #vnc jeanne #vnc luna #vnc mikhail #elia's recaps

[knockknockchicagopd]

❛ BLACK JACKET WITH WHITE LETTERS ❜

❚❙ REQUEST BY ANON: Would I be able to request prompt 16 “You're mine. I don't share”. With Hank voight where they go to one of those police events and she works in his unit and they are a couple with her being younger and they dont have to be in police uniform so she wears a really nice dress and as he introduces her and talks to other people he knows, some of the men check her out and try flirt with her and he notices. Could there be a bit of smut if not that's cool to ❤❤

❚❙ HANK VOIGHT MASTERLIST.

❚❙ WORDS: about 3k.

❚❙ Warnings: swearing, unprotected sex.

❚❙ A/N: this writing hasn’t been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I’m sorry about that. If you find a description about body or a word out of place, or something that makes you feel uncomfortable / unrepresented, let me know by a private message and I will change it delighted.

❚❙ GIF credits: to my amazing @sonsofeorl.

❚❙ General tag list: @melblacc @rebelwrites @skyofficialxx @sesamepancakes @scarletsoldierrr @mondefantastique @that-chick212 @enbyamaro @inlovewith3 @ocetevasgirl @destynelseclipsa @miahelen @jadakiss13 @mcgreads @graniairish @teller258316 @i-love-scott-mccall @tclaerh. Hank Voight tag list: @sophie-writes. If you wanna be added to my tag list, send my a message! ⚡

Fortunately, it's been a quiet day, otherwise, you couldn't deal with a Districts event like the Commanders call them. A meeting that reunites every officer, inspector, detective, and whoever who wears ‘the blue uniform’; including special agents from the FBI. These last ones are the kind of man who pushes you out of your good mood with all that quackery about serving the whole country, the unlimited resources, the missions. Every time you hear a fed talking about how passionate and exciting their jobs are, you just want to punch their faces. Mostly, they're behind a desk while cops like you are protecting the streets of Chicago in the firing line. But, as Burgess and Upton said, it's time to have some fun. And anything else.

Since you don't have to wear that horrible uniform you use at official events, you have chosen a breathtaking black silk dress that fits your anatomy to perfection, falling from your chest, with a spaghetti strap neckline, to your ankles. And a pair of skyscraper highlights on the same color, with the small difference that the heels are tremendously golden. Your back is almost bare, being crossed by four fine strips, knowing it's going to give Hank some trouble. Oh, you're going to have so much fun tonight. You are very sure.

The soft make-up delights your cute, but lethal, outfit on point ready to leave Kim's house accompanied by your friends. You've arranged to meet at the party with the rest of the Unit since your future husband and Antonio needed to be from the start of the event, which means the three of you are going to earn more than some gazes by assisting alone, with no male figures by your sides. As if you need some kind of protection. Men (...).

Stepping out from your car and giving the keys to the parking attendant, who seems he's having a heart attack after watching you walk with so much cockiness and sensuality, you come into the party. The look you exchange with Kim and Hailey as soon as you check the reaction of the assistants, makes you draw a triumphant smile while raising your chin in some kind of greeting. You aren't going to stop now, leading your steps straight to your partners. Ruzek chokes on champagne with his eyes over Burgess, while Hank looks at you over the edge of his glass of bourbon taking a sip.

“You should work like that every day”. Antonio opines welcoming the three of you in his arms.

“I second that, brother”. Jay quickly adds making a toast with his cup of red wine.

“Bet you'd be the one who wouldn't work”. Hailey replies palming his chest, making you giggle.

In the meantime they continue arguing about the dress code, a strong arm gets placed around your lower back to push you somewhat closer, letting his hand fall over your hipbone. You know exactly what it means. Hank isn't the kind of jealous man, who needs to mark his territory like a dog. But you know that sometimes he feels insecure because of the age gap. He trusts you blindly, that's a fact, but he's human; he has fears and you understand it. Putting your left hand on the back of his neck, you caress his scalp almost unnoticeably, tilting your head to leave a gentle kiss on his cheek earning a satisfied grin from him.

“You look really beautiful tonight”. He whispers, watching you sideways as if it's a secret between you two.

“Thank you, Sergeant. I always try to do my best”.

Hank chuckles against his glass about to have a last sip till emptying it. Taking it from his hand, you pull yourself away to go to the bar and ask for two more drinks. You're thirsty and too sober to be a Friday night. Checking some emails on your phone while the bartender serves your order, you can't help but listen to some backtalk about your career. A couple of suited men combed as politicians and wrapped on a strong scent that throws your stomach. You try to ignore them until they're close enough from your position to offer you a hand in a formal greeting.

“Johnson and Derrick. FBI”.

The blonde one looks like a senior official, while the other looks like a newbie. Turning towards both, you come into the forced polite mood to stretch his hand firmly.

“(Y/L/N), Intelligence Unit, gentlemen. A pleasure”.

“The pleasure is ours, detective”.

“Special agent”. You correct him inevitably, even if it sounds arrogant.

“Special agent, of course”. Johnson replies with a nod of his chin. “I've read your file lately. I have no words to describe it. Graduated with excellent grades in Yale, two years in the Army, another undercover in a Cartel… And you also know how to fly a helicopter”.

“If you weren't from the FBI, I could think you've been stalking me like one of your serial killers, sir”. The sarcasm in your tone of voice earns your Unit's attention, very focused on the conversation between the feds and you.

“Who catches a monster without becoming one, right?”

The man introduces a hand under his jacket to offer you his business card. But you don't take it, just looking at it for a second before raising your eyes towards his.

“In your academy shows you to have the big balls to disrespect a Sergeant or a Chief, by trying to steal their officers in front of their faces? Because mine shows us to serve and protect the citizens”.

His gesture changes suddenly in a sight, hearing some chuckles behind you coming from Hailey and Kim. Raising both eyebrows as you don't get any reply back, you just nod before grabbing the two drinks you have asked for when they interrupted you. Coming back to your friends, you can't help but wrinkle your nose in a gesture of disgust earning more giggles from your partners. But it doesn't seem funny for Hank, who you know he's killing them in thousands of ways inside his head.

As the night passes, you notice Agent Johnson's eyes on you with no shame, starting to make you feel uncomfortable. Although you would be delighted to embarrass him in front of everyone, he has had enough from you. But this doesn't end there. Excusing yourself, you step to the terrace almost emptied to have some fresh air, knowing he's going to follow you. Maybe, to insist a little more. He was so interested in recruiting you to miss the chance.

And as you thought, he's that predictable. You don't turn because of his steps coming closer, but because he pretends to clear his throat to claim your attention. Crossing your arms over your chest, you tilt your head to a side feigning curiosity with a forced smile showing up on your lips.

“I would like to apologize for my behavior. In my profession isn't habitual to find agents of your characteristics”.

“For sure, sir. It doesn't matter”.

“You could have an extraordinary career in the FBI”.

“I already have it where I am. I don't need schedules, cheap suits, and an earpiece to succeed”.

“I understand your relationship interferes in your decision, but you do—”.

“I'm sorry, you said what? Did you…? Oh, god, I can't fucking believe it”. You can't help but laugh shaking your head. “I don't have any relationship as soon as I wear my badge, sir. And you are starting to cross a line you don't want to cross. Believe me”.

“Ma'am, don't misunderstand my words, nor my intentions. I just think ma—”.

“Nobody asked you to think, Johnson”.

Raising your eyes over his shoulders, you can see your boyfriend sipping his glass of whisky, joining the talk as he tries to keep calm. You know Hank to perfection. If he wasn't your boss, he would have punched him already.

“If you continue pissing off my agent, we're gonna have a problem”.

The man just nods, alternating his gaze between the two of you. Seems that he has admitted his defeat.

“Beautiful and lethal. You're a son of a bitch with so much luck, Voight. Take care of this diamond. Or she will end up wearing a blue jacket with yellow letters”.

“Uh-huh”. He replies as you continue remaining silent.

Passing your boss away back to the party, leaving you alone, you can't hide the proud smile that turns your gesture into a funnier one. Taking short steps towards him, you steal the glass from his hand to drink from it under his attentive brown eyes.

“Blue isn't my color. Not at all. I'm more into black”. You whisper referring to the jackets you are used to wearing in the Chicago department.

“Hm…”

“Imagine having your badge hanging from your neck all day like a collar. Do I look like a dog? I prefer to have it on my belt. And I'm already used to the disgusting watered coffee we make in the twenty-one”. As you continue giving him more reasons, your forefinger traces a path up from his chest to his nape. “And I have so much fun driving my Dodge all around Chicago”.

“Anything else you wanna add?”

“Hm… no. Actually, not. That's all, sir”. You reply puckering your lips, pulling yourself away some inches with a playful aura wrapping you both.

“Now lemme tell you something here”. Hank says then, leaning over your ear. “You're mine, I don't share”.

His voice and his characteristic raspy voice gives you some chills down your spine bone. Biting your bottom lip unconsciously while he stands up, you know the party is over for you and it's time to go home. Holding your hand and taking back his glass of whisky, you walk inside to say your goodbyes before leaving the fancy place straight to the underground parking. You are not going to lie saying you don't love his dominant mood when the occasion demands it.

As soon as you reach your car, you can notice sideways Hank making sure you're totally alone. He doesn't usually take risks of being seen in public too lovey-dovey, but it's not about it this time and you can't wait for him to go ahead with his intentions. Of course, he doesn't make you wait for too long to push your back to the copilot door, attacking your neck in the meantime his hands grab your hips stealing you a low gasp. Hank makes himself between your legs, urging you to surround his waist with one of them to close the distance that separates you, feeling the need he has to mark his territory, as rarely he shows.

“Take me home”. You almost beg closing your eyes as his teeth are nailed on your most sensitive spot, earning a soft grunt that vibrates your body.

“I'm gonna take you here, sweetheart. Any problem?”

“Hell, no, sergeant”.

“Get in the car. Now”.

You don't complain, taking it as an order when he takes two steps back releasing your body and opening the back door for you. And the next minute passes too fast, rolling up your dress as Hank undoes his belt and unzips his pants. In just a sigh he's deep-buried between your legs. It's the first time you take this kind of risk, almost in public, and the horniness it produces is driving you crazy. With your lips almost touching the others, you moan uninhibited every time his hands on your lower back urge you to keep swinging your hips, sitting on his lap.

The way his eyes memorize every gesture drawn on your face has you breathless. It's a sensation you can't describe. Hank has some kind of power over you that you haven't experienced before, even if you think you're indomitable he always manages to make whatever he wants with you. And you know it. You let him do it. Just like right now, marking his territory with desirous bites and wet kisses all around your exposed throat. The most visible part of your body. He doesn't need to prove anything. He isn't the kind of man who needs to call out any other man who dares to lay his eyes on you. Everybody in this damn city knows you're more than his pupil and they're too scared to say hi, although there's always an exception to the rule. In this case, the FBI agents acting like carrion birds.

The mist clouds the windows, as the heat concentrated on your bodies makes you sweat slightly. Hank takes the control turning you under his body against the seat in a position that puts you to see the stars. Every move of his pelvis is accurate, hitting your g-spot, satisfied with how good his name sounds getting drowned between pleased moans once and again. With every push to your body, his dick is dug deeper through your tight wetness making him grunt into your ear, feeling more delighted than never before. And everything is because of the way you had to reply to that FBI agent in front of everyone, showing him how clear you have your preferences; not only because of your relationship, as Johnson pointed out. But because everybody in Chicago is aware that there's no better boss in law enforcement. There's no better Unit than the Intelligence one from the police department of your hometown.

As your legs get wrapped around his waist to pull him closer, one of his arms surrounds your middle back while his free hand flies straight to your throat. Keeping your eyes closed, the suffocating sensation within your lower belly continues growing with every thrust that steals the air from your lungs and races your heart over its possibilities. You're close. So close that your mind is a total blank, just focused on the way only he can make you feel. So good, so desired, so full of life. He knows it, he takes it in advantage. And he enjoys it more than anything.

“Oh, fuck…” Hank got you almost in tears because of the pleasure, traveling your hands to the back of his neck, nailing your nails there. “God… I'm gonna… Fuck, Hank, don't stop, please… Don't stop”.

“I won't, my love… Not till you give me what I want”.

His voice always plays dirty with your mind. The way he has to drag every syllable on his tongue with that husky voice that puts you to tremble, as he continues burying his hard dick inside you with no mercy, speeding up as soon as he feels your legs clung to his body slightly shaking. Because of the fewer insecurities he has about your relationship, he feels proud whenever he makes you reach that sweet sensation of the orgasm taking control of your anatomy. He doesn't care if he has to use his hands, his tongue… whatever. It's not only about sex between the two of you, of course not. But making you cum screaming out his name is an every-day-goal.

And you don't make him wait for too long, arching your back when a lash of heat hits your spine and the grenade inside your lower belly explodes. Your gasps fill up your car, while he continues fucking you harder than seconds before not showing any compassion to your exhausted body, looking for your lips to devours them desperately. His tongue starts a fight for dominance, winning over yours like every single time, in the meantime his fingers grips tightly your throat. Instinctively, you swing your hips in sync, provoking every move to go deeper among your shaky legs.

Hank can't hold it anymore, digging his cock to the limits of your guts, almost hitting your soul with a last strong lung. His warm seed fills you up completely, keeping pushing his body against yours, pressing both to the seat with his hands now placed on the headrest. It feels like a whole set of fireworks. Your moans complement his delighted growls to perfection.

“Don't move, please”. You beg with a thin voice thread, at the same time he rests his forehead on yours.

The two of you can barely breathe, trying to recover after an intense session of your favorite cardio workout. From nowhere, you can't help but giggle in unison. You can't believe you just fucked inside your car and with the risk of being caught in the act. A sergeant and one of his special agents. Even if it's your free night and you're in an established relationship, he's still your boss.

“I would miss working with you”.

“Huh?”

“If I get the FBI's offer”. You mumble, leaving clumsy kisses all around his face. “You're the best cop Chicago has”.

“You don't have to butter me up for a second round”.

Shaking your head briefly and laughing, you caress his scalp so gently as he sinks his face into your sweaty neck.

“Now you said so… maybe I have the fantasy of being bent over your desk”.

“Maybe?”

“Yeah, just… maybe”.

“Then maybe I could bring you to my office, before going home. There's some paperwork to attend to”.

#lemme know what you think in a comment! ⚡ #chicago pd #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd x reader #one chicago #hank voight imagine #hank voight x reader #hank voight

[crookedmusician]

Once Again

A/N:- This is just a drabble that popped up in my head and is based on "The Amazing Spider-Man" universe, NOT based on the Marvel mcu. If you haven't watched the movies then pls read this with an open mind. The drabble is also fixed in a time that is five years after Gwen dies and is completely based on my thought and universe. Please don't read it if you're not comfortable.

Peter Parker x Fem Reader

Genre : Slight Angst, Comfort, Slice of Life

Warnings : Very Slight and descriptive mentions of wounds and death, the characters are all adults, Y/N has a defined profession for the sake of the plot

*This is also not proof read so please bare with any errors if there are any*

It's been Five years.

Five years since Gwen's funeral. Five years since New York city was almost destroyed. Five Years since an innocent boy lost his sanity to death. Five Years since Peter Parker was too late to save his love, his best friend and his emotions to grief.

It had been Five years since that faithful day that still seemed to haunt Peter from time to time.

After the......incident happened, five years ago, Peter had shut off. He didn't talk, eat or even go to work. His job was willing to let him off that time, but the mental pressure that had bundled up inside Peter's head had refused to go. As a result, even after Peter came back, he was only a shell of himself, an empty treasure from which the gold had been stolen - just like how life was stolen from the eyes of so many he failed to save on that one dreadful day.

But If anything broke Peter more than his incompetency to save the lives of those millions he failed, it was the death of Gwen. Death of the only person Peter beleived to have given him a purpose to be Spiderman and save the city and it's residents. His reason to survive every battle he fought. His best friends, girlfriend and his reason, to just live.

Peter still remembers that day, that moment as clear as day. He still remembers the catastrophe that was caused that day, the destruction, the smell of death and spilled blood that matted the air in a heavy silence. He still remembers how the life wilted out from Gwen's eyes as she fell from the tower, as he held her afterwards; he still remembers how her once warm body turned deadly pale, her cheeks stopped sport the regular blush - and they all haunted him. They Traumatized Peter through his day, haunted his nightmares and swam in front of his mind each and every moment he lived. So Peter did the only thing he thought might help, he shut off everyone out of his life, he shut off the flow of emotions in his being, & he swore to never let anyone in, he vowed to not care about anything except defending NYC against the new villains attacking everyday.

Cause Peter Parker may have been a hero, but his emotions flowed through his veins as thickly as the spider's venom in his blood. So promised, to shut out and never let anyone in. That became his coping mechanism.

Yet again, five years later that same spider-boy found himself in the exact position he had been in, five years prior - sitting on the bed of a rooftop apartment while the huge scratches on his chest were being cleaned by the slender hands of a young woman sitting in front of him. It was an awkward kind of deja vu for Peter - Both hurting and comforting to know that someone - other than May cared for him still, however the recollection couldn't help but bring those ugly thoughts back into the forefront of Peter's mind. The same thoughts that occupied his mind in the waking hours.

The scratches burned and sizzled under the alcohol, even though it was applied with softness and expertise; but Peter didn't Flinch. Yes, there was a slight wince here and there, but no reaction revealed was too strong. Years of constant battle against the seemingly never-ending villains of New York happened to make Peter a bit more cautions and tolerating of his injuries - something that seemed to work greatly in favour of Peter at the moment - so as to not make the budding doctor in front overthink her capabilities.

Was New York always so needy and loud for the Spider-Man? This was something that occupied Peter's head often.

However, when he thought back on it, perhaps it was better for him to put his life on the line than have someone innocent or desiderate to live to fight the devils.

I mean, he did fit all the requirements for this job didn't he?

He was young, had the abilities, tolerant of the aftermaths of the fights he carried carved in his skin, bones and blood. Moreover he didn't have anyone to rely on or care for - May would be able to live with him, his job wasn't so special to him if he didn't require the money either. On the contrary Peter thought it to be a blessing to die - to forget all the turmoils, catastrophes of the world; to forget how many villains needed to be fought or how many people needed to be saved - to just forget.

Peter always thought, that maybe he wasn't made for love. That maybe he didn't deserve it. He thought about how everyone he loved left him, deserted him and thinking back on them, he just wondered how much love favoured him in this life. Maybe love didn't favour him at all, maybe love hated him, maybe that's why death always won in each of his chapters. Maybe that's why, Peter had become a void - because love refused to favour the life of this boy. He never really understood why lover never looked upon him with a smile. But guess there was never really an explanation for some grudges.

But if love never favoured him, Then what was this sudden weird electric sparks coursing through his body? This weird fluttering that seemed to keep him up at nights thinking about this one person that flew in his life and and broke past all his resolves to nestle herself comfortably inside the confines of the walls surrounding his heart?

And Peter really never could understand what was happening in his body. At first he thought that perhaps it was his spidey senses. But after a while, when he actually came to a conclusion, he was dumbfounded. Being deprived of love and refusing the comfort of any other hands rather than his own for such a long time - the revelation - was actually quite unexpected by him.

But to say that Peter didn't see all of the unfolding and development of feelings, would be a mistake. Mayhaps, Peter did knew what was happening, did knew that he was falling in a bottomless hole; but the feeling of letting go, the feeling that encompassed the journey was so blissfull it was hard to deny himself the pleasure after denying it for such a long while.

So we recount to a faithful afternoon, two years prior, to an empty & silent alley in one of the bustling streets of NYC.

XXX ♤♡◇♧ XXX

It was just another day in the life of Peter Parker - waking up, packing his suit, taking an early leave or going on a feild trip for his job only to fight the villains and end up all bloody. The only difference was the gushing wound on one of Peter's upper legs that seemed way worse than his regular wounds.

Peter seeked sanctum in one of the empty alleys of the New York Streets to treat the wound only to find himself looking sideways at a young bespectacled woman with curious eyes, hair in a messy bun, clutching one strap of a heavy-looking backpack with some folders and pages in the other - she was staring at him with worry in her orbs.

Usually it wouldn't have been a problem, he'd hit up some pick up lines and flee as far as possible with his wounded leg and never meet the girl again - it was simple and easy without any damage to either his social or personal life. And it would've been easy and simple - Only if Peter had been wearing his mask. But he sadly wasn't, and now he gazed back like a deer caught in the headlights as the figure approached him slowly and cautiously and stopped a few feet away.

"Can you walk?" The words were almost whispered with caution.

"Excuse me?" Peter said in a breathless voice; swinging through the city with an almost torn-off leg does hurt more than Peter imagined, after all.

"Can You walk? With that leg of yours?"

"Yes, I suppose. But why?" Peter asked with confusion and weariness.

"Then please come to the top floor. I can treat your wound."

The clutch of the strap got a bit tighter as the words tumbled out of her lips in the hushed silence of the alley. To say Peter was surprised would be an understatement; it had been a while since someone willingly wanted to help him. But then again, Peyer wasn't weak, was he? He surely could handle that little much laceration wound on his own, right? So just like Peter have always done, to all his colleagues, his neighbours, supposed friends, associates and May, he declined.

"Thank you for the offer but I can Handle this on my own," Peter uttered in the same dazed voice, opting to turn his head down as if signalling the end of the conversation.

"I'm sure you can," the voice chirped again to fill the whispery silence, "to the best of your abilities, but It would be better if I had a look at it. I'm a medical student so I'll be able to ptch it up reall quick too. Besides to treat you'd have to either swing or walk back to your home, and you really can't do either with that deep of a cut anyways. So let me have a look at it, please."

"I said I you do-"

"No you can't, you may clean it or patch it up until you can do it up but the slash is huge, don't you see? If you don't treat it immediately, your whole leg would either get infected or you'll bleed to raw. And I don't think you'l be able to swing your way around the city with a half infected leg anyways. So Please for your leg's sake enter the third window from the right on the top floor of this building so I can nurse the damage. I'll try to get there ASAP," and with that the girl hurried inside a door on the side of the monument on right.

Peter however, was still failing to recover from his daze, and by the time her words actually registered in his head the wound had started to sizzle with wind. He gathered his own stuffed backpack and as slowly and painlessly he can, followed the instructions.

Peter swung to top of the building & crept insided the bedroom of a rooftop apartment that looked very comfy despite being a complete definition catastrophe to found himself in a pair of freshly washed shirt and jogging shorts half an hour later - the girl said they belonged to her father and brother previously.

Peter stared at the unknown woman as she wrapped up the incision in a white cloth. Her fingers were skilled & worked in a quick yet sure manner.

"You can handle pain very well you know?" The woman broke the awkward silence with a glance at Peter's face only find him staring back at her with a monotone face, "the area around the gash had already started getting infected, if I found you a bit later your leg might've fallen off. Still you're very lucky. Thankfuy no valuable nerve was heavily dama-"

"Why are you helping me?" The rambling was interupted by the strict and straight voice of the spidey

"Excuse me?"

"Why are you helping me?"

"Because I can? Am I not allowed to help you? You looked like you needed some serious help though," The woman asked tilting her head slightly.

"Is it a plot?" Years of practice had certainly helped Peter maintain a Poker face, which came in handy as he stared at the confused eyes of the woman in front of him - his heart deeming the expression to be cute.

"A plot?" The woman repeated as she looked at him in disbelief, "You think l'm helping you because l'm involved in a...a...a stupid gang or something that wants to murder you?"

"Or it could be an individual plan," Peter shrugged nonchalantly as he dared not remove his eyes from his supposed - captor.

"An individual pl-?"

"Why else would you help me? If not for your own benefit?"

At this The woman seemed to become a little pissed at Peter's words as she sputtered with her next sentences before finally giving a coherent reply, "Maybe fighting with evel people all your life makes you heroes feel as if good people don't exist but trust me, they do. And quite contrary to your assumptions I just so happen to be one of them."

The woman tied the cloth around Peter's leg in a tight knot & rose from her seat collecting the equipments back in her first aid box, opting to leave the room, offended - instead finding herself halting mid-step at peter's voice calling out to her.

"I'm Peter," Peter gazed at her retreating figure and as she turned around to look at him with judging eyes, "Peter Parker."

The words were uttered into the sunset in a softer tone - as if the speaker was almost shy, which - looking back at the circumstances - Peter probably was. And as the dying rays of the sun filtered through the drawn back curtain of the only window in the room - the one Peter had entered through - encasing the room in all it's ethereal glow, Peter was able to finally get a glimpse of his healer, clearly.

The rays fell on the bed and on womanly figure, bathing her in the delicate glow of dusk, highlighting her dainty features. She was handsome, very much so in the afyernoon light; and despite being pissed and offended a few mintues prior, she took her time in tilting the corners of her lips into a soft amd pleasant smile as the injured man stared at her in awe - that was perfectly hidden beneath his Poker Face.

"I'm Y/N L/N." The names etched itself in Peter's brain ringing sweet bells everytime, serenading him into calmness.

And so since that fateful day, it became a regular event. Whenevr Peter would get hurt - no matter how small or big the wound, he'd always find himself on the doorstep (or window sill), of the tenth floor building on the same street he never remembered the name of. And slowly as the days swept by, the visits weren't just limited to treating wounds. Infact, contary to either of their professions, Peter found both of them had quite a lot in common, and their opinions generally matched - and for the ones that didn't, both of their adjustable manners suited the situations. And as the days brew into nights, Peter found a companion in Y/N - one that Peter hoped lasted for life.

Peter found a best friend to look after him and talk with on rainy days and summer evenings.

××× ♤♡◇♧ ×××

Now, two years later as Peter sat on the same bed he had so many times before, he thought back on all the bitter and sweet memories Life gifted him, and perhaps they were needed for Peter to bring him to this point in life - and Peter never wanted to go back.

It was late. The sun had gone down a few hours prior and the moon glowed brightly in the sky, peeking in through the windows as Peter observed the familliar figure beside him - nursing another one of Peter's daily unwanted gifts.

She looked dainty, almost unreal as the moonlight illuminated the room casting it in the soft glow of night time. As Peter gazed at her, he started carving out all the plains and roughs of her faces, the shape of her eyes, lips and nose, the way her lithe fingers glided across Peter's skin - and Peter couldn't find it in himself to intrupt the dance her fingers were engaged in on his chest. A light breeze swept in through the wind making rounds of the room and messing with the strands hanging around Y/N's face as Peter gazed at the seemingly engaging spiral of movements infront of him.

"Staring is rude, you know?"

The peaceful silence occupying the room was suddenly broken, giving Peter a small start, as Y/N lifted her head barely so as to glance up at Peter's face, her lips curving into a small smirk at the look of slight surprise on his face, before her skilled hands resumed their work.

After a breif moment of comprehension - and more staring as Y/N wrapped up the gashes and stood up to starighten the sheets on the bed as much she could with the tall figure lying on top, Peter finally found his voice strong enough to utter the two words - that he hoped would convey all that was unsaid and all that he wanted to say but couldn't.

"Thank You."

Y/N looked up once again at Peter with a teasing yet soft grin and breathy chuckle, "Pete, don't be so modest about yourself. Patching up your wounds provide me an excuse to practise my skills on a regular basis. And as a junior doc, It's more benifitting to me that it is to you."

Peter let out a breathy chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck as Y/N turned around to put the first aid box at the top of one of her bedroom shelves, "Still thank you, for everything you've done for me. I really appreciate it."

And this time as Y/N turned around to look at her best friend, she paused for a second, taking in the scene before her. The moon casted the same glow on Peter's form as it had on her back - except this time, the star gazed one was Y/N.

She had always wondered how she never once felt awkward with the close proximity, she always seemed to share with Peter. Her heart once whispered because they were menat to be; but the rational part of her brain was quick to shut down the irrational daydream before it could flourish. However the warmth of her cheeks when Peter looked at her, the tiny fluttering in her stomach whenever he'd smile, the warmth in her being when they hugged couldn't be stopped from spreading all through her body.

There were nights, when she wondered how it would be if she was brave enough to turn the page to the next chapter and just ask her best friend out. But then again, even though happiness was granted if the proposal was accepted - the pain, heartbreak and loss of warmth in their friendship, at the refusal was granted in a much greater probability. And thus Y/N drifted off to sleep every night thinking of all the 'ifs' of the world.

But this wasn't the world of dreams, it was the waking world, and as Y/N realised the soft glow in Peter's eyes when he looked at her, she wondered - no, hoped that her feeling might probably be reciprocated.

"It's honestly no biggie Pete. It really isn't," She neared the bed as she said the words, finally sitting upon it with one leg folded on the matress and the othe rdangling down the side, her eyes searched Peter's face carefully noticing the genuine-ness behind Peter's words, "however what is a problem is that you've hadn't had a single mouthful since the meager breakfast this morning. Honestly dude, don't you ever get hungry? If I wa sin your place I'd be starving! Heck, I'm starving even now!"

Peter let out a small breathy laugh at Y/N's dramatics. She always tended to be the more dramatic one, especially regarding matters of food. So sporting a soft smile he looked up Y/N.

"No I'm fine, I'd just have something to eat when i get home."

"Home? Do you even know how late it is?! It's," she hekd up the digital clock on the side of her bed, "9.15 already! You literally live on the other side of the city! By the time you reach your home it would be way past 10! I ain't letting you starve till then boy!"

By now, Y/n had stood up on her feet in front of the bed with her hands on her hips - and Peter found it to be way too cute for her, "Call up Aunt May and tell her that you'll be eating here today. I'll go and start whipping something up in the kitchen, ok?"

"Ok."

"Good," Y/N turned around & exited the room heading down the halls to the kitchen, to scour how much she can that would fill both her and Peter up, while Peter rested on her bed.

Ever since that incident five years ago, Peter had always wondered that maybe love wasn't really meant for him, that maybe love didn't favour him. But now, as he stared at the moonlit retreating figure of Y/N L/N, he prayed to all the love gods in existence, to favour him just this once as he drafted up the same confession, he had been drafting for the past years, to finally come out of his heart and in to minds of the beauty he called his bestfriend.

A/N : Pls tell me how you like it in the comments this is my first story and I would really appreciate the feedback!

Please don't repost or rwupload my work anywhere apart from here.

#writing inspiration #writing #oneshots #fics #drabbles #spiderman #andrew Garfield #y/n #× reader #fem reader #spider - man × reader #marvel #marvel × reader #reader #angst #fluff #hurt #comfort #hurt and comfort #spider man angst #spider man fluff #boyfriend #girlfriend #best friends #spider man drabble #spider man fics #spider man fic #best friends to lovers #spiderman × reader #andrew garfield × reader

[mellometal]

Hey, everyone.

I've tried to compose myself before making this post. This is a subject that I've touched on a little bit in posts, but I've never done a deep dive into JUST this topic. I was going to make a post solely about this subject sooner, but this one in particular is really hard for me to talk about without getting emotional...and yet Dhar Mann has talked about this on quite a few occasions in the most insincere, toxic ways. I'll do my best to discuss this topic without getting too emotional.

It's about a serious subject that people still are ignorant about and don't take seriously. Even to this day, with the body positivity and body neutrality movements. (I don't know of a better way to describe just being neutral about your body. Sorry if it sounds weird.)

For anyone who doesn't know what I'm referring to (honestly, I don't blame you, as this is a subject that's often seen as normal and is encouraged in society for the most part), I'm talking about fatphobia. Hating on people for being fat. Discriminating people because of their weight in the workplace, at the doctor's office, just in general. Not many stores having inclusive sizes. People being treated like they're subhuman because they're fat.

I want to say this first, before I bash on Dhar Mann again: I'm a plus-size young woman. This is something that I have personal experience with. Your weight has no significance to your worth as a person. If you do happen to be overweight, obese, whatever, you're not subhuman. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You're worthy of being loved, listened to, treated with kindness, and respected, just like anyone else who isn't fat.

If you treat people like utter shit for their weight, get some help. Why do you care about somebody else's weight? Obviously there's an exception to this, like if they're so big they can't move or they're so skinny their organs are showing....because those are causes for concern, but other than that, mind your own business. Even if they are in those extremities, unless you're their doctor and/or their family, STILL mind your own business. How the fuck does a fat person simply breathing and existing affect you in any way? News flash: there will always be fat people.

Before I get to the weekly ritual of tearing TWO of Dhar Mann's videos apart (the next one will be in another post or I'll reblog this post and continue on there), here's an obligatory trigger warning for the video analysis itself and my response: The following post contains fatphobia, fat shaming, a man being super fucking misogynistic and treating women like they're objects, and there's even a touch of some racial aggression. How shocking. Because Dhar Mann really seems to get a kick out of writing about racism to make it all cute. Oh yeah, you're totally solving racism, Dhar Mann. /s

My response contains my experience with fatphobia, relationships with food, mentioned/implied thoughts of s3lf h@rm, feeling like I'm unworthy of being treated like an actual person because of my weight, and absolute rage. Like usual. My responses are very heated. This one especially. It's LONG. Buckle up.

With all this out of the way, let's get to the first video that I want to tear apart. This one is about the auditions for a record deal. I will get to the video about a kid wanting to be a host of a radio show later.

To sum up the first video, a plus-size white woman (Krissy Elliot) is singing for an agent (Isaac) and his assistant (Evette) so she can follow her dream to become a singer. Isaac cuts Krissy off to viciously bash her for being a plus-size woman. Evette stands up for this woman, and says she sounded fine and to let her finish. Isaac doesn't listen to Evette, let alone take what she said into consideration. He continues to ridicule Krissy for her appearance, that she'll "never make it in the music industry" (WRONG, do you know how many plus-size people are in the fucking music industry? There are A LOT more now than when I was growing up and it honestly makes me so happy. There were more plus-size people in the entertainment industry than in the music industry back then.), suggested that she "become a chef or a food critic" because she apparently loves being around food (being a chef or a food critic are noble professions, but NEVER fucking assume ANYONE'S relationships with food), to the point where Krissy left the room in tears.

Here are a few screenshots for context:

When this skinny, conventionally attractive woman (Jesse) comes in, Isaac's mood does a COMPLETE 180° and he's all sunshine and rainbows. Then right as soon as Jesse did her audition, Isaac is over the fucking moon, complimenting her physical appearance, treating her like an object, and signs her up for a record deal RIGHT AWAY. Pay attention to Isaac's facial expressions in one of these screenshots.

Evette suggests that they sign Krissy for a record deal instead. Because she was "the best singer they've had all day". Isaac, still all hot and bothered by a skinny, conventionally attractive woman that he's treating like an object, tells Evette that people like Krissy don't make it in the music industry because they're "overweight and unattractive", and is verbally aggressive towards her when she does nothing but explain her stance. Isaac sees this as Evette "talking back" (remember how I mentioned that there's racial aggression? He says that Evette is "talking back" because she happens to be a black woman) and fires her. He signs Jesse a record deal and has a blast with her.

The award ceremony comes around, and they're picking a winner for Best New Artist. They pick the winner, and it's....guess what? You'll never get it! It's Krissy Elliot! Why? Because Evette became her agent after Isaac fired her. Krissy goes into her whole story about how she was laughed out of every single agency and that she worked hard. Good for her. Jesse is obviously very happy for Krissy. We gotta love women supporting women.

This video was again another dumpster fire. As usual. Like I said, with this video in particular, I couldn't get through the first thirty seconds the first time around. Because I've dealt with shit like this. Obviously not with the music industry because I don't even think I'd be good enough to step into an agency...but I mean in my personal life.

Being told by my own dad that he was "tired of buying bigger clothes for me" when I was a young teenager, despite him buying almost nothing but "junk food".

Having my abuser make comments about my weight and talking about diets while I'm trying to eat my food, despite her being overweight.

Having someone I know (not anyone I'm friends with) make a comment about me eating a few things (ONE small piece of broccoli, two baby carrots, a small handful of chips, and ONE small piece of pineapple) and said to "save some for everyone else", even though I was saving food for everyone else, which is why I took so little. She tried to justify it with the fact nobody was there yet (why do you think I took very little food?), and she "was saying that to everyone" (why did she look at ME when she said that instead of making it clear that she was talking to everyone [saying "Hey, everyone" before the comment about saving some for everyone else IS NOT HARD]?), even though I know it was just to save her own ass. I knew she said that to me because I'm plus-size. She didn't say anything to anyone else, nor did she make it clear that she was talking to everyone.

Another person I know (not a person I'm friends with) saying that I overreacted (I did not overreact; SOMEONE TRIGGERED ME and you did NOTHING about it) even though they all KNEW my relationship with food is complicated. They KNEW that I don't really like eating in front of other people. I was upset that someone MADE A FUCKING DISGUSTING, TRIGGERING COMMENT ABOUT ME EATING VERY FEW FOOD ITEMS, ALMOST ALL WERE HEALTHY, DESPITE OTHER PEOPLE EATING A LOT MORE THAN I DID AND PICKING AT EVERYTHING. That day, I was begging one of my friends (one of the people I trust to eat around) to PLEASE take me home because I didn't want to be there (never wanted to be there in the first place), I was tired (I worked all night the night before and was forced to go to a meeting before all this happened), I didn't feel comfortable there anymore, there were way too many people (four individuals plus all their staff from another house were in the house I work in), I couldn't breathe (I was either about to pass out, have a panic attack, or just start crying), but nobody listened to me. I ended up getting a bus to go home.

(Sorry about all that. I was trying not to get emotional in this post. I just needed to share how this can affect people.)

Onto my response, which is all in the screenshots below.

ETA: I know the screenshots for my response are very jumbled right now and it’s difficult to read. I apologize to anyone who’s unable to fully read it! Because this is part one of this whole subject of fatphobia (I’m making a post about the boy wanting to become a radio host very soon), my response here will tie into that post. My response to that video is vastly the same, despite not making a comment on that video as of right now (the radio host one). 

I’ll be typing out my full response here. I apologize for weird formatting. Instagram wouldn’t let me break up my response into paragraphs. I’ll break them up into paragraphs here instead.

CC (Combination of the first, second, and third screenshots, aka, the first part of my response):

 I have a few questions before I get into my thoughts on this video. One, how the hell does your weight have any significance on your worth as a person, and if you do think this way, why would you think that? Two, do you know that fatphobia is a lot more than just judging a person for being fat? Three, why do you feel like you can speak for fat people like myself with this piss poor excuse for a video that I could barely get through the first thirty seconds of the first time? 

You can’t speak for any of us. I can’t speak for every fat person because not everyone has the same experiences as me. 

I’ve been bullied for my weight in real life as well as online. People have called me ugly just because of my weight. By the way, your weight doesn’t equal beauty, and that’s what I’m still learning. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. 

On quite a few occasions, I have actually thought about doing dangerous things to my body that I don’t feel comfortable going into here. All because I had people try to boil me down to my weight, call me ugly, and destroy whatever self-esteem I had left. You don’t know what fat people go through, so don’t act like you do. 

There are many factors that go into why a person may be fat, including medical conditions, mental illness, trauma, genetics, etc. All of those things are none of your business unless those people decide to be open about it. 

No, it’s not always healthy to be fat (obviously there are extremities on both sides of the spectrum of weight that are extremely unhealthy), but it doesn’t make a person any less of a human being. Fat people are human too. Quit treating us like we’re not. We deserve to be treated like everyone else who isn’t fat. I’m not saying put all fat people on a pedestal. I’m saying treat us like human beings.

CC (Combination of the fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh screenshots, aka, the second part of my response):

Remember how I said that fatphobia isn’t just about judging people for being fat? Well, there’s the “fat tax” on plus-size clothing (even though it maybe only costs a little bit more in fabric, if there’s any difference in making clothes for people who aren’t fat), limited styles for fat people in stores (making a lot of us have to buy fast fashion or have to spend a fortune on clothes that actually flatter us), not very many stores have inclusive sizes still (if you don’t at least carry max 5XL or a size 38/40 in pants size, you cannot call yourself inclusive), and a lot of other things.

Many fat people, myself included, are afraid to seek medical attention for anything (even checkups) because of doctors who only focus on our weight and not on what we came in to see them for. They write it off as if our weight is the sole cause of our problems, which isn’t always the case.

How about we talk about how expensive it is to eat healthy in a lot of places? Not everyone can afford to make fresh meals every day, let alone once a week. Maybe they were never taught how to due to their upbringing. You don’t know.

I’ve had people comment on my weight, what I’m eating (even if I’m eating something healthy like fruits and veggies), talk about my weight or diets EVEN WHILE I’M TRYING TO EAT, and it’s caused me to wait until I’m alone or around someone I trust to eat anything. As a result, I have a complicated relationship with food now.

Telling someone they’re fat doesn’t help them. They know that. They see themselves every day. People may want to change, but they either are afraid to ask for help, or they don’t know where to start. Some may not want to change. It’s up to them, honestly. If you want to help them lose weight, maybe suggest any physical activity they’d have fun doing and do them with them? I dance for fun. Also, you could help set up meal plans with them. 

If you’re not going to at least try to help them lose weight if you’re so concerned about them (this is all if they actually want to change things and don’t know where to start), I cannot say this in a sweeter way: shut your mouth and mind your own business. Because you’re just being a cunt at that point.

CC (eighth screenshot, aka, the third and final part to my response):

There are quite a few plus-size people in the entertainment industry as a whole who are/were very successful. Remember the late Chris Farley and Aretha Franklin? Chris Farley was big, but that didn’t change how great of an actor he was, how funny he was, or how much of an impact he made in the entertainment industry. Aretha Franklin was a plus-size black woman in the music industry, but she’s inspired SO MANY artists we have today! There are many plus-size men, women, and I believe even nonbinary people in the public eye in general. Like I’ve said, beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. That’s why the body positivity and body neutrality movements are a thing.

(I know I implied that I thought about sh here in my response, but please don't worry about me as far as that goes. I'm fine now. I would never go through with anything like that.)

In the last part of my response where I mentioned some plus-size people in the entertainment industry as well as the music industry (the late Chris Farley and the late Aretha Franklin), I was going to name more people, but my comments were getting too long. I'll name some more here off the top of my head:

Lizzo (rapper), the Piggy Dolls (the first K-Pop girl group made up of actual plus-size women), K*v*n Sp*c*y (I don't feel comfortable saying his name because he's a disgusting person, but he's another plus-size man...he was in King of Queens and in A LOT of movies), PSY, Greyson Gritt (a genderqueer person in the music industry), Elle King, Produce Pandas (the first music group in China full of plus-size men), Martha Wash, Chubby Checker, Fats Domino, Big Angel (a J-Pop group of all plus-size women), Chubbiness (another J-Pop group of all plus-size women), Pottya (another J-Pop group of all plus-size women)...there are so many that I found, but if you want to add more plus-size artists, plus-size actors, plus-size comedians/comediennes, feel free to add them in the comments!

Dhar Mann, you'll never know what plus-size people go through. You don't know what we go through. You have NO IDEA what we go through on a daily basis. Stop acting like you do. Because you don't, and you never will.

By the way, Dhar Mann, this will NOT be the last post I'll make about you or your videos. The more you make fucking deplorable, poorly written bullshit, the more posts I'll make! Teehee!

If you got this far, thank you so much. The next part of this is coming very soon. I'm sorry for not posting too many screenshots from the video. I wanted to fit in my response because it's important for people to see.

Have a good day/afternoon/night, y'all. Love you!

#mello speaks #dhar mann talk #dhar mann #dhar mann will live to regret his decision to make these fucked up cringe videos #dhar mann is a piece of human garbage #dhar mann will live to regret his decision uwu #dhar mann is a cringe ass nae nae baby #please stop supporting dhar mann #tw fatphobia #tw body shaming #tw racial aggression mention #tw implied sh mention #body postivity #plus size people in the entertainment and music industries #fatphobes dni #cw weight mention #cw diet mention #cw complicated relationships with food mention #warning you right now that I'm VERY mad #cw doctor mention #tw dhar mann

[charmers-kpop]

✨💜🍇👠

{ Basics }

• Birth Name // Park Bo-gyeong {박보경}

↪From Sino-Korean 寶 meaning "treasure, jewel; precious, rare" (bo), and 炅 meaning "brilliance" (gyeong).

• Stage Name // Bogyoung

↪'Bo-unnie', 'Gyun', 'Gyeongie', 'Miss Fashion', 'Bugs', 'Supreme Gyeongie'

• Birth Date // August 30th, 1997

↪ Virgo, the Virgin

• Birth Place // Busan, South Korea

• Heritage // 100% Korean

{ Career }

• Profession // Singer, dancer, TV personality, actress, entrepreneur

• Band/Group // CHARMERS (매혹하는)

• Position // Lead Vocalist, Lead Dancer

• Agency // HeartEater Events & Artist Management

• Training Period // 4 years 10 months

{ Personality }

{+} Charming | Perceptive | Compassionate

• Bogyoung was raised with a silver spoon in her mouth, and her tongue has also become silver and sharp. She always seems to know what to say, what to do, and how to go about herself towards anyone and everyone at just the right time, as if she could predict time and read minds. As consequence of this, she tends to become like a chameleon. She could be outgoing and flirty to one, or soft spoken and demure to another. She just knows how to sneakily push her opponent's buttons in negotiations and a good 7 times out of 10, she just barely got her way with things she wants. That said, she does make a great debate partner and a respectful enough of a person to just converse with whether you are close friends or complete strangers.

• Bogyoung's strongest skill is the ability to read people, but her smarts also play an important part in how she interacts with people. She prefers to keep herself open to conversations but stay reserved when it wasn't her time, which makes her a rather strategic speaker who calculates her moves one by one and expertly conducts herself in a well thought out, eloquent manner. She can also quickly Macguyver a conversation around with a joke or a simple statement placed at just the right time. She approaches each interaction with a strategy ring under her 'spell', so to speak.

• On contrary belief, Bogyoung isn't the self-centered, entitled rich girl stereotype as depicted in movies and books. She is instead, compassionate and caring. When she plans on getting food, she always asks if she is allowed to buy more than needed just in case if the people around her wanted some as well. When a person is down, she will be there to comfort and support them if the situation calls for it, and when she herself needs help she would always happily accept the offer in return gratefully. She will also protect her loved ones from any sort of outer threat that ever comes by their direction. Though she may not directly relate, she wants her groupmates to feel happy and secure after talking a situation through, and she always tries her best to think from a perspective of someone without lots of money like herself, which can be tricky at times, however Bogyoung can manage it [most of the time].

{<} Snarky | Lazy | Vain

• Those perceptive skills are just as handy for giving someone a tongue lashing as they are for charming them. Bogyoung's teasing comes in two forms: The bitter and insulting kind for those she detests and the more playful kind for those she cares for. Verbal warfare is like a hobby of her's and when the situation calls for it and if she's willing to subject a certain amount of energy on it, she will go all out without hesitation. Anger isn't the exact word to describe the way she debates, it is more out of 'constructive frustration' in which Bogyoung tries to back her arguments with either research or facts and truths about the topic they are debating about. But at time she does tend to let herself slip in a curse word here and there just for dramatic effect as she could only go so far into her rambling before the fire starts to spread.

• Bogyoung is actually terrible at singing really high notes and pulling off really quick moves despite being put as lead vocalist and lead dancer, so it would be a smart choice for her to put more effort into improving these skills, however she prefers to lay around and do nothing as she is just inherently lazy. Growing up pretty spoiled, working hard wasn't too much of a necessity as she was well-rounded in most things. Though despite this she has acquired a lot of different types of skills like doing hair, makeup or nails, painting, figure skating, driving, and other random things such as basic hand-to-hand-combat, just because she could afford it. Bogyoung doesn't like to admit it but she is really lazy and this causes quite the inconvenience for her harder working teammates while she just sits on the sidelines and does nothing.

• Bogyoung is an attractive woman and she knows it. Although she rarely ever brags about her own looks, there is a certain energy present in her walk and how she carries herself that lets others around her in on her pride in her good looks. When she isn't practicing with her bandmates or lounging on the couch with the animals, she's usually perfecting her makeup skills and doing them on herself. She pampers herself with the best products in the market and is loyal to a lot of brands that sell makeup that actually works instead of those that sell products at ridiculously high prices as she just sees them, as she would describe it 'uselessly overpriced for what they actually are', so in conclusion she likes to look good and feel like she's on top of the world.

{–} Selfish | Manipulative | Moody

• Working in an industry where you're constantly starving for more attention and fans, there isn't much room for selflessness. Having been surrounded by groups of people that are a part of highly competitive industries such as the food industry, Bogyoung has come to learn that she has to stay in tip-top shape at all times to be able to perform her best on camera, and sometimes this means she has to leave some of her fellow artist friends outside CHARMERS in the dust because they gotta do what they gotta do to survive, as bad and mean as that sounds. Bogyoung herself isn't selfish, however she does have tendencies to not impulsively share with others as she just sees it as wasting for herself. Not that she never shared anything in her life, but she's used to the idea of giving helpful things, such as food and clothing, to people who can't afford it rather than just give money when the person she is donating to could potentially be stocking up millions of 2 dollar notes waiting to be spent on, as Bogyoung has learnt the hard way that people can do that out of their own selfishness, so she prefers not to give unless necessary.

• Bogyoung is subtle in how she words her sentences. She never threatens them or tries to control them with guilt, but instead she sticks to using the vices and virtues of her victims to get her way. For example she would try to use Neri's hot-headedness, Fumiko's micro-managing tendencies and Leola's laziness as a scapegoat for not practicing or arriving on time to practices. Her doing this isn't to be mean but to just shift the blame onto someone else she knows to be more responsible than she is and expects them to be in situations like this. She usually goes for those with prideful personalities, takes advantage of the pity of those with great compassion, gives sweet promises to those with a soft spot for pretty girls and so on, and usually she would never think twice about them, but after some conflict with her bandmates, she realizes that taking the blame for the group matters more than social status or just being the daughter of a wealthy Korean fast food joint owner.

• Her mental state is like a rollercoaster. Being away from home and family takes a toll on Bogyoung's mental state and being homesick for her is a killer. Not being able to go to her favorite restaurants once avery week, not being able to curl up with her pets in bed, not being able to talk to her siblings and other loved ones drives her to a point of unstable emotional capacities. She's not an extreme crier, but gets very snappy and more demanding when she is crying. Say one wrong thing and she'll tell you all the things you don't wanna hear and she would feel no remorse for that, not until her state dies down and she returns to her normally level-headed self.

{ Trivia }

• Having been training in larger companies before, Bogyoung has found her home in the most unlikely space which is HeartEater entertainment.

• At first she didn't like how the company was still cheap and small, but after meeting with her potential bandmates at the time struck a cord with her and she now loves them all as her sisters and groupmates and would do anything for them.

• Her father's net worth is well over $5.18 Billion USD and his fast food business has become very well known all over the world.

• Bogyoung being second oldest of 4 children made it very clear that she wasn't going to continue her father's food legacy as she finds it boring and 'it's bound to die anyway.'

• Growing up with siblings to care for and deal with makes Bogyoung an expert with little kids and knows just how to charm them into leaving her alone.

• When she gets 'constructively frustrated' she tends her Busan accent tends to slip in here and there, which she absolutely despises.

• This bish loves her name brands. She has a whole wardrobe in her room back at her expensive ass home dedicated to Louis Vuitton, Fendi and Prada stuff and brought some random expensive things and random less expensive things along with her in her trainee journey.

• And on the topic of Louis Vuitton, Fendi and Prada, those are what her pets are called. Louis Vuitton, or 'Louie V' for short, is an orange Tabby cat, Fendi is a Savannah cat and Prada is a Doberman Pinscher.

• Bogyoung is exceptionally close with Pearl, both of them coming from wealthy backgrounds, with the exception of Pearl having to experience her parent's divorce and therefore she had to transition into a more simple life afterwards.

• But nonetheless those two relate on a plethora of things such as their love for having money and being their own sugar daddys 👀

• She's also pretty close with Leola since she was literally the first person she talked to when she came to HeartEater.

• Even though there's the language barrier, Bogyoung tries to help her foreign bandmates with their Korean language journey.

• Favorite food: Lamb shoulder, cooked medium rare to be specific

• Favorite drink: Juice! Any kind of juice! She loves her dieting

• Her current concern: How to reach a high note without sounding like a dying cat

• Her future goal: To just be successful and happy and full of love really.

#charmers #tokyokocnet #pinkocnet #kumokocnet #woopkocnet #kpop #kpop idol #idol group #oc

[arreisstorm]

Happy RM Day!!!

When it comes to Kim Namjoon the important impact he's had on my life cannot easily be summed up in one word. Neither love or respect fully conveys how much this man means to me. I know it might seem ridiculous to some when people say how band members are their "life" or how it is so easy to profess a unconditional love for them, because I mean, how can you love a complete stranger?! Here you are shouting praise, yet, in most cases, you have never met this person in life and have no idea what he is alike aside from what you see and hear; however, that is exactly how it is for me. I might know him personal, I have no way of knowing what truly happens behind the scenes, but even with that uncertainty, I can still say without a doubt in mind, BTS's leader, AKA: RM, is one of the sweetest, most caring, influential, and highly intellectual human beings alive on this planet right now.

Not only is who a leader for the rest of the a boys, he is both an encouragement and comfort as well. I've heard from numerous interviews that the rest of the group have participated in, that RM is the one they look up to the most and the one they know they can always confide in. When BTS had just debuted,  Jungkook was self-conscious about showing his body so much so that he actually cried a couple time because he felt nervous and anxious towards the action, but once he talked with RM and got the reassurance he needed, Kookie came to self-acceptance that he shows now and is a completely different entity on the stage! Not to mention that Jungkook wouldn't even be with BTS if it wasn't for RM! Thank God he saw the clear talent that was there.

It's not only JK though, RM has helped all of the boys in different ways. From tutoring and teaching Taehyung to better understand English, to having in-depth, personal conversations with Hobi and Jimin, to making sure that Jin gets the support and spotlight that he deserves, RM always knows how to make the boys feel loved. He makes sure that everyone is acknowledged as they deserve to be.

One of my favorite examples though has to do with the period where BTS were still in their training days and there was this special being shot about RM as an artist. The video as a whole was very insightful and well done, but there's this certain part towards the end that showed RM's true colors. Their producer Bang Si-hyuk or Bang PD as he's more commonly known, had just called RM to his office to have a meeting, the topic concerning his future. Now I'll remind you that this was infact a hidden camera show, but because he was not let in on the prank, RM thought it was real. To summarize, basically Bang PD was supposed to get irritated with RM and his behavior and give him the ultimatum of staying with BTS or splitting and going solo. Mind you, RM had already been told that the talent and determination he possessed was already good enough to make a successful career as a solo artist, and as an idol, RM knew that these kinds of opportunities were once in a lifetime chances and did not come easily, so it should have been a no brainer right? Well that's not what RM thought. You see, Yoongi and him, although they hadn't known each other for long, they shared some hardships and trying times that cemented this unbreakable bond and beautiful friendship that was far stronger than promises of fame and fortune, and the same goes for thw rest of the boys. He had built a family with those 6 strangers and so when the deal was offered, "Solo or Bangtan," without a moment of hesitation, RM chose his brothers. Although it might have come with fame, fortune, and even more recognition and credit to his name as a "real rapper" in Korea's hip-hop community, RM knew that in going with the more luxurious option also meant that he would have to leave his best friend, his family behind and turn his back on what they had built together. Being an idol might have been exhausting and there was an insanely, rigorous schedule with countless limitations on what you could or couldn't do, but those thoughts came second in his mind because RM was willing to put in the hard work, long hours, sleepless nights, and criticism from former groups members if it meant that he could stay and share it with the rest of his boys. That is why this is one, of the many reasons, that I have a deep respect for Kim Namjoon, and it is because he values friendship and family over all else that he makes such an amazing and worthy leader.

Here's the video:

This truly one of the best videos, because aside from that prank, you get the honest, stripped-down version of who RM is as an artist and also who Namjoon is as a person.

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•

•

As you can see, RM has gone above and beyond for his fellow members, so you're probably wondering what he's done for me right? Well aside from being one of the best rappers I've heard, and having a heart of gold, the most memorable thing I have taken away from this role model is the discovery of self-love and learning to accept all my flaws as just another part of me. Through the use of beautifully crafted lyrics and messages the whole of society can relate to, RM has been the backbone for BTS and has been a huge factor for the direction that they are going now, and that direction is all the way up! Of course I know that all the other boys have also played an equally as important role in the development of one of the best K-pop groups out there, and you can guarantee RM has given them all of the credit more times than I can count.

Link to prove it:

I think it's pretty obvious that having a great leader like this has propelled all seven of these phenomenal boys to heights and boundaries unknown. From the way he unapologetically raps about social issues like injustice or inequality, and then does a complete 180 by singing ballads with his soulful, calming voice, it's impossible not to fall in love with this multitalented man. He is ethereal in mind, body, and soul and his poetic, philosophical  outlook on life is truly that of a genius at work. He can be extremely adorable with his dimples and childlike behavior, but he can also be one of the most rude and seductive persons with his wink and the way he spits fire. Either way he is a jack of all trades and I wouldn't want it any other way.

So thank you Namjoon from the bottom of my heart. You have taught me so much in such a short time and your words are like canvassed covered masterpieces. I know you don't always get the recognition or support you deserve, but I'm going to make sure that changes. You have put your everything into BTS and you have given ARMY everything as well, now it's time for us to give a little of that love back. This is just a small gesture, but I wanted to say Happy Birthday and show you how you have successfully reserved a special and irreplaceable home in my heart. We don't deserve such a generous, selfless, instrumental, and warm-hearted person to be our leader and voice but I can't imagine what life would be like without you, so please continue to be that essential presence we all need. 💜

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Some extras if you wish to get to know RM better and fall in love with him like the rest of us:

Thanks for reading! 💜

#happy rm day #kim namjoon #rm #bts rm #bts leader #bangtan sonyeondan #bangtan boys #bangtan #반탕소년단 #happy birthday rm! #thank you for everything #gifs not mine #credit to owners #bts army #아미 #we purple you #💜

[xtruss]

The Disabled Doctors Not Believed By Their Colleagues

People often feel nervous when they visit a doctor with some fearing their symptoms may not be believed. But what if you are the doctor, and your colleagues dismiss your disabilities and mental health difficulties? Miranda Schreiber explores this challenging relationship.

When I was 15, I described what turned out to be the neurological symptoms of mental illness to my doctor. I told him I couldn't do schoolwork, feel the cold, or understand a book. He suggested I go on walks if I was stressed.

This breakdown in communication, in which patient and doctor seem to live in different worlds, is well-documented by disabled people. Many feel they have to translate their experience, because disability and medical structures seem incompatible.

But this experience is familiar to disabled doctors too, and some are seeking solutions.

Sarah Islam was a fourth year medical student at Indiana University when she developed a chronic illness which caused exhaustion, chronic pain, and cognitive impairment. She said her symptoms, which didn't tick a specific box, made her feel like she lacked fluency in the medical language she was learning.

'Brick Wall'

"I remember, even as a med student, having the vocabulary to explain what I was going through but feeling like I had hit a brick wall," she says. "I actually didn't know how to describe it."

With her experience of sickness, Islam shifted from believing legitimate illness could be diagnosed to living as a patient with symptoms which didn't fit a clear disease profile.

But she noticed a change in her colleagues too, when she returned to medical school after a period of recovery.

"If I said the word 'pain' [colleagues] took it as coded language for 'I'm lazy' and 'I can't do my work'.

"They would challenge my reality," she says, something which lead her to conceal her symptoms. "I felt like everything I shared was going to be weaponized against me. They would say 'you walked two days ago so why can't you walk today?' Almost like they caught me in a lie.

"The baseline understanding of what it means to be disabled is not there."

This sort of discrimination is often referred to as ableism - which favours non-disabled people over those with disabilities.

It is made all the harder to confront in medicine when disabled clinicians are vastly underrepresented. Disabled people make up about 20% of the population in the UK and US but only 2% of British and American doctors.

Islam says simple accommodations like taking notes in front of patients, or taking the elevator rather than the stairs, were criticised by her advisors as unprofessional. And these same attitudes, Islam explains, manifest in patient interviews.

"It's completely baffling to me how we can expect patients to respect us when we won't even believe what they're telling us.

"It's scary to be viewed as good or bad because you can or cannot work," she says.

Hardeep Lotay, a fifth year medical student at the University of Cambridge and mental health advocate, sympathises with Islam. "There's the idea in medicine you have to stretch yourself further than is reasonable because that's the nature of the profession," Lotay says, who also researches medical racism.

"I took a year-and-a-bit out from the course. In medical school any difference is seen as weakness, and any weakness is taken to mean you're not as good as your cohort. There's stigma in everyone knowing you've taken time off.

"It can be very negative to see the perception of psychiatry patients from your colleagues and seniors."

The attitudes Lotay and Islam experienced were also identified in research by Drs. Havi Carel and Ian Kidd, philosophy professors at the University of Bristol.

They found medical experts often perceive disabled patients as incapable, unreliable, and emotionally unstable, leading clinicians to "downgrade the credibility" of what disabled patients say.

This discrimination can impact treatment decisions and compromise disabled patients' health, increasing their risk of secondary conditions.

'Gaslighting the Patient'

Revealingly, Canada Care Connection, which helps patients find family doctors, found in its team audits that patients with chronic pain took the longest to place, and that some family doctors refused to see "undesirable" patients because of a disability. "They just won't accept them," one Care Connector wrote.

Joanna, a disability activist from New Jersey, has mast cell activation syndrome, also known as mastocytosis. The disorder causes overactive mast cells - which form part of the immune system - which trigger anaphylaxis. Joanna lived without medical support until she was 25 because doctors believed she was exaggerating her symptoms.

"I wish medical students were taught to be open to information disabled patients provide," she says. "It's okay for a medical student or doctor to admit that they don't have the answer. That's so much more helpful than gaslighting the patient."

This is something the University of Michigan is trying to address. Its medical school has started providing students with teaching sessions focused on disability in its entirety - from disability pride to the everyday and justice.

But there are also the disabled activists, medical students and doctors who propose that the breakdown in communication could be reduced if there were more disabled physicians.

"As a disability activist who's proud of being disabled, there's a vocabulary of identity that I can't use with doctors," says Charis Hill, an activist from Sacramento, California. "They think disability is bad. It's what they want to keep you from becoming.

"With a disabled doctor I wouldn't have to explain so much because we're speaking the same language," they say. "My care outcomes would be so much better because I would be understood."

Lotay and Islam have both used their personal experience to guide the way they approach medicine.

"If a patient comes to you and tells you they're completely deflated, you can communicate with them and speak a language of mental health," says Lotay.

Dr. Duncan Shrewsbury, a clinician and senior lecturer at Birmingham University in the UK who has ADHD, agrees.

"We should be systematically looking at how we support and advocate for disabled learners, both at university and postgraduate training levels," he says.

"It wasn't until disabled people chained themselves to the front of a bus [in the UK] that disability legislation started looking at public services needing to cater to people with different abilities," he says, reflecting on the 1995 protests for disability rights.

The University of Michigan has also tried to address barriers by altering its technical standards for admission. Disabled applicants no longer need to demonstrate physical competencies, like being able to lift a patient.

But Islam observes that practicing medicine is only part of the challenge.

"The barriers start before any of us even apply," she says. "If this had happened to me when I was 17 I probably wouldn't have had the energy, or the finances frankly, to apply. It's clear you are not the person wanted in this field."

But with systemic change, things could be different.

The experiences I described to my doctor when I was 15 did not need to be beyond understanding.

Perhaps, rather than recommend I go on walks, my doctor might have said: "I have felt the same way."

— BBC News | Sunday April 18, 2021