A young man with a elegant uniform was standing still right in front of the school gate, arms crossed and a stern expression in his beautiful face. By the crest on his chest and the color, it was clear he was from the extremely expensive prestigious private school two streets away from the public one he was currently glaring at - Cloud Recesses Academy. And by his look (the way his shoes shined, his bag looked expensive, and his haircut was very much like a young master) he could see he was from a prestigious family, too.
Yiling High School was an average public institution with it's lack of facilities and funds. It has a quite gloomy vibe around, with dark unwashed outside walls, dirty overgrown lawn and the vandalization that could be seen anywhere you walked by.
"Maybe he came to ambush our Louzu." a student murmured to their friends.
"Eh~? But why would Louzu be close to these rich kids?" one of them asked back "He's always talking shit about them."
"Right? Maybe this one didn't like it." another one laughed "They're quite sensitive, right?"
"Yeah!" they all laughed together, staring at the private school boy as they walked past.
They boy didn't even move to acknowledge the students staring at him not at all discreet, he was just standing there waiting for something or someone.
The ones ready for a good gossip, or who liked to watch their Laozu, the leader of the delinquent group of these school, the fear of the others, fight stayed close by waiting to see what was going to happen.
Some girls got interested in his beautiful face and wanted to get close, but decided to also wait.
They didn't need to wait for too long, because not long after, a boy with the same uniform as them came running out of the building, his long hair flying behind him quite prettily. It was the Yiling Laozu himself, going straight to the private school boy.
"Lan Zhan!" he yelled, a bright smile in his face.
The stern expression have way to a soft look, a barely there smile, and his arms uncrossed to open in wait. The Yiling Laozu jumped and hugged his boy with his long arms and legs, looking very happy.
"Wei Ying." the one holding him with too much easy said.
"Did you came to pick me up?"
"Mn." he nodded, sparing a small look around him using the corner of his eyes "Came to pick my boyfriend so we can walk home together."
Every student around them froze in shock hearing those words. Since when their Laozu had a boyfriend?!
With the happiest expression they ever saw on his pretty face, Yiling Laozu kissed the other boy on the mouth quite shamelessly, putting the last nail on the gossip billboard.
"Then, let's go!" Yiling Laozu said, getting down and walking away with his boyfriend holding hands in a very, extremely romantic way, the sunset making everything look even more surreal.
"Eat the rich, huh?" someone said in the silence they left behind.
It was complete and utter chaos the other morning when Wei Ying arrived in school, a hickey on the back of his neck.
(apparently, someone tried to confess to Wei Ying that week, and couldn't take no as answer and kept insisting and stalking him, so the boyfriend, Lan Zhan, decided to take matters into his own (big) hands)
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It'd been years after the war.
You no longer had to fight anymore.
The ODM bruises had started to fade as you don't have to tighten the straps anymore, so hard that they dug into your skin. You don't miss the familiar weight of the gas tanks and thunder spears around your waist.
No more recovering only the remains of your dead friend. No more running for your life. No more corpses, no more blood.
You don't miss that life.
You've found your peace, a life with Levi.
You would have never thought it was possible. Not just you and him, but the whole concept of it.
That finally, you can sleep peacefully, without being scared of an urgent call that a wall was broken through. Though you'd still have nightmares but still. And even then it was fine because you had Levi now, to help you get through it. You no longer hard to curl up to yourself and try to calm yourself down, hug a pillow and sob silently so none of your dormmates wake up. You had Levi now.
Or the mornings, you think. The odd sense of peace, the feeling of safety. You can wake up beside him and stay in bed for as long as you want. You don't have to get up and search for your uniform. There's no training to be late to. You just curl yourself around him and watch him sleep, peaceful. And you get to watch when he'd woke up, sleepy sleepy eyes peering through and then arms wrapping around you tighter. He looks so vulnerable then. But you're glad, you think. That he can sleep like that now. That he feels safe enough to, safe with you. His dark circles aren't so visible anymore and he doesn't look as tired as he used to. He still can't get a full rest, but the insomnia isn't that bad.
Life had changed. And for the best. Peace for him and peace for you.
But try as you may, and oh dear God did you try, you can't actually forget. Can't actually leave the life you had spent so many years living behind just like that.
No, the scars never faded.
Souvenirs, you think. Reminders etched into your skin, reminders of who you were and what you've done and all that you pray to forget.
Yours stopped bothering you at one point. It used to. Once. Severely.
You'd stare at the bruises on your thighs for hours or the livid pale slashes along your arms or your stomach. Rough knuckles and calloused fingertips, the constant usage of ODM had left marks there too.
It's more the memories than anything that comes with it.
You used to think, how could anyone possibly look at this marred mess you were and still love you?
Oh but Levi.
He never told you but you knew.
He thinks it's not enough. That he's not enough. That surely you deserve someone with all their fingers, and both their eyes.
And you think it's ridiculous.
But even now, after so many years, you'd sometimes catch a glimpse of him staring at himself into the mirror, fingers grazing his face.
The world had been so cruel to him. And he didn't know how to be kinder to himself.
Unlike you, who cried it out, he never learnt how to actually handle his emotions. So when it's one of those days, he merely shuts himself out. In his own dark little mind. And those days, you leave him alone, because he only curls into himself deeper if you try to get him out. And you learnt to give him space, for him to come out on his own. Though every inch of you wants to help him, but you don't know how.
And it was one of those days, you realized when you walked into the bathroom.
He was staring at the bathroom mirror, arms braced on the counter. So focused he didn't even hear you coming.
"Levi?" You called out gently.
He didn't answer, but his head tilts towards you, eyes shifting to meet yours. He only gives a slight nod.
"You... okay?"
"...yeah." He takes a moment but nods. "Fine."
And it was then you noticed how hard his fingers gripped onto the counter. And you noticed his expression, the look of guilt there. How he wouldn't even look at you properly.
Your heart hurt.
If only he understood.
You didn't say anything but walked towards him. And without a word, you slide on top of the counter, shifting so he was standing between your legs. You locked your legs behind him, pulling him closer. He was startled but he didn't say anything, his eyes downcast.
There was so much pain inside those gray eyes.
"Levi." Your voice gentle, soft. "Look at me."
At that, he only tilted his head, looking further away from you, eyes darting sideways.
"No, look at me." You held his chin, turning his head towards you. He flinched at your touch, but you could see the resistance breaking under your gaze. The walls coming down.
With that, you held up your hair, tilting your head to show him a slash that went up to your neck.
"See this?"
He looked at you, confused. And without a word, you tugged on your t-shirt, taking off the clothing in one pull.
"What are you... doing?" He asked, warily. Eyes on your face. Even after so many years, he still got shy.
"No, eyes here lev." You said firmly. "See this?" You pointed at a scar along your elbow, then towards the bruises that ODM had left on your chest. " And this?"
He only stared at you, expression hard. His jaw tightened.
"Tell me Lev." You sighed.
"Does these repulse you? Creeps you out? Do you think they're ugly? Do they make you love me less? Or not at all?"
Levi looked horrified. He was immediately shaking your head, desperate to deny the words. How could you even think that?
"No." He said hastily, eyes wide. "No, what are you saying? Of course not—"
"So why on earth," You gently cupped his cheek, shushing him down. "Do you believe that yours makes me love you any less?"
Your thumb pressed along the scars on his cheek. They were white now, no longer blood red and livid on his skin as it was back when Hange stiched them up. You swallowed, pressing your forehead to his.
"What made you think," You whispered. "That these makes you worth any less levi? "
He didn't pull away, but he stiffened. His face hardened but there was a look of despair beneath his eyes. "That's not the same—''
"How is it any different?" You cut him out, your voice firm. "You tell me, I'm waiting."
He hesitated, staring at you. And then he looked down.
"...I'm crippled."
"Your point?"
"You deserve someone younger. Someone whole. Someone who's more than me."
"There's no one that's more than you levi."
"I'm damaged. "
"We'll fix it. I'll fix you. So, help me fix myself."
"I'll hurt you. I've already hurt you. I don't know how to be better than this. I don't know how to love someone. "
"You're the only person who have never hurt me. You make me feel more worthy than anyone else in this world ever could. And holy shit, if you can't," You whispered. "If you can't, let me. God, I'd love the shit out of you if you'd just let me. So fucking let me in Levi, don't push me away. Don't shut me out. You've done that enough in your lifetime."
And Levi was still. He was made out of stone. So hard, so rough, the edges so sharp. He tries to soften himself for you, but it goes against everything he ever taught himself his whole life and he doesn't know how to do that. He tries, but somehow it never feels enough. Not enough for you. And he wish he could believe that you didn't love him because you do and he could feel it. He can always feel it . Like the way you were looking at him and he felt so, so exposed.
It makes him feel guilty. Someone like you doesn't belong with someone like him. And he wishes, for once in your life, you'd stop looking at him like that so he could convice himself that you don't want him and he could walk away.
And he knows he makes you feel like you're not good enough, because he sees your sad expression when he locks himself out. But it's not you, he wants to tell you. God, you're fucking perfect and it's never you. It's him. He's the fucking problem. The space inside his head was so dark he was scared that just might be enough for you to leave.
But you. The tempt of it.
The warmth of you. You were all softness and gentless and goodness, so so kind to him and it makes him want to hold you tight and never let go again.
But somedays it gets so hard.
He isn't used to this. To show his feelings. To feel so bare in front of someone. Instinct doesn't let him.
He isn't used to feel so loved.
But he thinks he'd try. For you.
Because now that it's you, he doesn't know how to go back to a time there wasn't you.
"Levi?" Your voice pulls him out of his mind. Like you always did. His saving grace, his angel. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling you closer and he can hardly breathe.
"Don't give up on me, Levi." You whispered to his ears. "On you. On us."
@sad-darksoul @anxious-chick @raginginferno267
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While their stories are different , Helen and Odysseus are very similar in "roles" of their narratives
Sounds nuts but hold on. I'm also probably wording that weird. but here we go.
Obviously with the time, the culture, and their genders to consider, they ARE very different but there's just...something that's been ITCHING me about them and their stories.
1.) Both of their homes/lovers are "fighting for them". Obviously the Trojan War is about bringing Helen home through the Oath of Tyndarius. (Also, "You kidnapped my wife, wtf?") Menelaus LITERALLY fighting to bring Helen back home. Penelope is fighting so that Odysseus has a home to come back TO.
2.) Paris/Calypso: Cause them both to weep in their stories, literally keep them captive through the means of an immortal/magic for YEARS. People will fight about how "willing" they are
3.) Deiphobus/Circe: Another "lover" where both were just...going through the motions. Trying to survive. Just another day in hell. Shorter amount of time. Both Deiphobus and Circe "defeats" involve someone's "rescuing" (Odysseus rescuing his men, Helen herself being rescued)
4.) Taken away from their home that they didn't want to leave
5.) Missing most of their only child's childhoods unwillingly
Even then, they are technically the CAUSE of each other's circumstances in life. Odysseus made a deal with Tyndarius to marry Penelope. Helen only got to choose Menelaus because of Odysseus' idea. Odysseus had to leave home because of said oath and still tried to resist leaving. Helen is only able to go home (aka the war is over) because of Odysseus' idea again. Both Penelope AND Menelaus leave the place they were born in (Sparta and Mycenae) to rule with their spouses in THEIR homelands. Even with how they're both an "enigma" could be something.
Obviously, they are not each other's "center of the world" but they both have affected each other with their actions (or actions under duress) Same with their spouses.
JUSt... SOMETHING'S ITCHING MY BRAIN WITH THIS skldjf klsdjf MAybe it's a whole "This is how men and women both "fight"" with their expected roles at the time and comparing the two? IDK I feel like there's something there.
Feel free to say something about this if you know more about this topic or shed some light on this or if you just want to chatter about this.
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This one is in response to @fizzytastic asking
"I would LOVE to know what you mean regarding the light novels."
Dazai in the light novels has been down BAD since the day he met Chuuya.
I know the whole "must be because I love you" can be viewed as a joke but my man actually "whispered with a look of regret" at being shot down.
He also proceeded to cheat during the game by tampering with the machine to ensure Chuuya would lose the bet and become his dog. He was also stated as being in awe of Chuuya's fighting ability, repeatedly refering to him as "incredible". Dazai also flat out admits to wanting to try out living because "Chuuya convinced" him.
He is even described as having forgotten how to breathe watching Chuuya fight.
Moving on to the events of Stormbringer, Dazai spends too long exposing his obsession with Chuuya, telling the big bad that he spends all his "days and nights thinking about ways to annoy Chuuya".
He further proceeds to insist that Chuuya is human because of how strongly he hates Chuuya and due to a specific word it can be viewed as him saying Chuuya would hate him less if he wasnt human as was stated in the stage play of the same.
Furthermore at the end of Stormbringer he offers to come up with a new plan to give Chuuya an out if he needs one when he has to use corruption as a last resort. And he fully intends on coming up with a new plan within 2 minutes.
In general Dazai does a lot of staring at Chuuya throughout the light novels. On a lighter note Dazai jokes about wanting Chuuya as his personal maid at one point and demands that Chuuya let Dazai look inside his head and know everything there is to know about him.
But then we move onto the dragon head conflict as mentioned in Dead Apple where after making light of an executive's death and getting punched in the face by Chuuya, Dazai is so shaken up by Chuuya implying he's inhuman, he actually pulls strings to try and bring the conflict to an end. He also stops corruption by touching his cheek and pulls Chuuya's head into his lap while he is unconscious after his fight with Shibusawa. The following is from the manga.
Now everyone knows about the whole Snow White and Prince reference but in the light novel its clarified that Chuuya's ability was not affected by the fog and Dazai knew this but he still forces his head down. Even more telling is that Dazai cradles Chuuya's face for no real reason because Corruption had already been nullified when Chuuya made skin to skin contact when punching him in the face.
And of course that was how their expressions are drawn in the manga panel
Then we move to the present day and you have Dazai saying this to Sigma about Chuuya
But then his comment about Gide has him claim the exact same behaviour is romantic in his messed up troll brain
Basically Dazai has a history of staring at Chuuya in awe since 15, "jokingly" confessed at 15 and then got somewhat upset about the rejection, cheated to be able to keep Chuuya as his, repeatedly makes remarks that imply he is vaguely obsessed with him at 16, tends to let Chuuya rest his head in his lap post corruption, has nullified him twice that we have seen by touching his cheek (as per the movie and once as per the ln). Is actively affected by how Chuuya views him (which was shocking to me).
Aside from that he has also talked about Chuuya to the ADA off screen because Yosano knew about Chuuya and his ability (though this could just be a random update about the membera of the mafia to watch out for during meetings) and I heard he talked about Chuuya to Oda in The Day I Picked Up Dazai ln.
This is not counting any of the seriously insane amount of wan content because I dont view it as canon or atleast entirely canon but there Dazai admits to keeping 27 journals detailing things about Chuuya and its an exaggeration of the canon fact that Dazai prides himself in being a Chuuya Nakahara Encyclopedia. It also plays with how close they both actually are with several character refering to them as besties, Chuuya being forced to admit he doesnt actually hate Dazai.
(Oh and this is not even considering just how much Dazai touches Chuuya, like in the manga there is a part where Dazai keeps tugging at Chuuya's hair and refusing to let go while complaining about how much he doesnt want to touch him. Just let go dude...)
So yea, I would not be surprised if Dazai has his vows prepared by the time the last pre defection ln drops. Ofcourse this is mostly a lighthearted joke about Dazai being down bad but in all seriousness, Dazai genuinely cared about and still cares about Chuuya and its made extremely obvious throughout the novels. Its actually worth noting that it was actually Chuuya who seemed to be more vitriolic towards him until the end of Stormbringer where Dazai actually gives Chuuya a choice and shows open concern for Chuuya's needs. Hell Dazai was also the one insisting on Chuuya's autonomy, while he keeps insisting Chuuya is his dog, he hates the idea of people using him like a tool, its why he always gives Chuuya a choice. Chuuya always actively chooses to go rescue Dazai in Dazai's plans of getting kidnapped. Chuuya can always go, "nah, I dont wanna use corruption" but he doesnt because he knows since the events of stormbringer that Dazai will always give him a choice even if corruption seems like a last resort.
Chuuya has good reason for trusting Dazai. Its cause Dazai has in fact proven to him that he can trust him. Its why he went in to fight a dragon despite being told Dazai was possibly already dead.
(And yea I know the current arc would have people go "lol he tried to drown Chuuya, he clearly doesnt care" and you know what? That's so dumb. Dazai tried to drown Chuuya, yes. But we dont actually know what is happening with this arc rn and what he is doing or if Chuuya is in any way involved in whatever he is doing. Dazai said all those things and there was no need for him to say that but the fact that he even remembered several moments they shared, yea no, he was clearly affected by it. Maybe I am wrong and Asagiri decided to yeet out all of Dazai's characterization we saw with his behaviour towards Chuuya in 2 entire novels of his past but IDK I think I'm gonna wait till this arc ends and everything unfolds before making a conclusion about how Dazai is such an asshole he tried to drown his partner.)
Seriously, vows are like the least they could do at this point.
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