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kpopfanfictrash · 1 year

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Love to Hate (Extra Scene III: Jungkook’s POV)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Genre: Fuck Buddies / Enemies to Lovers

Pairing: Jungkook / Reader

Synopsis: Born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you've done your best to rid yourself of the taste since you were old enough to walk. Occasionally though, your mother manages to rope you into an obligatory function – or a blind date with playboy billionaire, Jeon Jungkook. Jungkook stands for everything you loathe about the world you left behind, but you can’t deny the spark of attraction between you. Intrigued by the promise of mutual satisfaction, you agree to one night in bed… and quickly realize you’re in far, far deeper than you ever intended.

Author’s Note: This scene takes place during Chapter 7 of Love to Hate and is told from Jungkook’s point of view. PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE STORY BEFORE READING THIS SCENE (otherwise there will be spoilers lol).

Rating: 18+

Warnings: semi-public sex, breast play, fingering, dirty talk (hypothetical cum play, possessiveness), spanking, multiple orgasms, somewhat rough sex

Word Count: 8,704

“If this trend were to continue, I’m not certain how we could keep up with production. This would obviously pose a problem for our shareholders, so let’s brainstorm solutions before the next quarterly call. Does that work for you, Mr. Jeon?”

A long, pregnant pause.

“Mr. Jeon?”

Beneath the table, Namjoon gives a not-so-subtle kick to Jungkook’s kneecap. Jerking upright, Jungkook glances around to cover his recent lapse. Based on Namjoon’s glare, his attempt must not pass muster.

“I – yes.” Jungkook nods, hoping he hasn’t agreed to something terrible. “That works for me. Thank you.”

The woman pauses, clearly unused to being thanked by the CEO. “Of course, Mr. Jeon,” she says, recovering quickly to take her seat.

Fingers tapping the acrylic table, Jungkook glances as covertly as he can at the clock. A wave of panic washes over him when he realizes the meeting has nearly ended since Jungkook doesn’t remember a single discussion. Unusual, for a man who insists on booking his own travel because he doesn’t trust anyone else to find the best deal.

It’s not like Jungkook to be distracted, or to not pay attention to detail. A swift glance at his notebook proves equally damning. Usually, Jungkook takes careful notes but today, the only thing written is the date at the header.

Subtly, Jungkook straightens. Forcing himself to concentrate, he listens to the rest of the updates. Someone from Info Security briefs Jungkook on a new phishing attack. A woman from Finance updates them on the search for a new travel vendor. Jungkook listens closely, responding when needed but can feel Namjoon’s gaze on his cheek the rest of the meeting.

Knowing his COO, Namjoon has some thoughts about Jungkook drifting off. It’s for this reason that Jungkook hangs back once the meeting has finished. Namjoon also stays, waiting until the last person files out before swiveling sideways, exhaling in a way which implies years of exhaustion.

“Tissue?” Jungkook offers blithely.

Namjoon fixes him with a look. “No, thanks. What’s going on?”

“I’m… not sure what you mean.”

Brows lifted, Namjoon pushes himself to stand. “Yes, you do.” Lifting his laptop, he walks around the table. “For weeks now, you’ve been distracted. Years of planning and here we are, in the home stretch but somehow, it feels like I’m alone. Tell me what’s going on – and don’t,” Namjoon adds, a note of warning to his voice, “say this is all in my head.”

Jungkook closes his mouth, about to say just that.

Sinking into his seat, Jungkook searches for a response because Namjoon is right. Something has been going on and Jungkook has been distracted. Ever since the dinner at Aleve, Jungkook hasn’t been himself. Realizing his fingers have resumed tapping the table, Jungkook forces himself to stop.

Two weeks have passed since he last spoke to you at Aleve. Two weeks of pretending neither of you cares about the other. Unless you really don’t care, and Jungkook is the only one who’s pretending.

Thoughts souring, Jungkook considers the possibility. Fighting the tide of memory is useless – as soon he thinks of your name, Jungkook disappears. He remembers the last time he saw you, entering Aleve with his father and Namjoon. Hearing your laughter from across the room, craning his neck only to find you with Liam Jessen. Jungkook’s worst enemy, smiling at you like you were the only person in the room.

Jungkook tried to recover after that, tried not to think about it – a plan swiftly dashed when he ran into you outside the bathroom. Cheeks hot, Jungkook once more relives that brutal interaction.

It doesn’t matter who you sleep with. I know you’ll call as soon as you realize they’re just as boring as every man before me.

Jungkook was jealous, but there’s no excuse for what he said. Your response was equally cutting, reducing whatever had been between you to sex. Jungkook should have pressed harder, but imposter syndrome stepped in and all he could do was agree.

Now, a voice in the back of his mind – which sounds suspiciously like Yoongi – whispers that Jungkook pushes people away to see if they’ll come back. Unfair, whispers that same voice. True relationships don’t keep score. You shouldn’t be guilted into admitting your feelings before Jungkook deigns to tell you his.

It’s no wonder you haven’t reached out, proving the second half of his statement incorrect. You haven’t felt the need to call him since Liam. Instead of lashing out, Jungkook should have just told you how he felt. Maybe then, he’d be seeing you tonight instead of facing yet another night alone in his apartment. Wondering if you’re by yourself or out there with Liam.

Swallowing hard, Jungkook pushes the thought away. Realizing his fingers have resumed their tapping, Jungkook lays his palm flat on the table. “I’m sorry,” he exhales and looks up. “I… know I’ve been distracted. I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

Concern knits Namjoon’s brow. “That’s not – I wasn’t trying to get you to apologize, man. I genuinely want to know what’s going on. Are you alright?”

These simple words dissolve the barrier between Jungkook’s mind and his mouth. Embarrassing, how fast genuine concern can make Jungkook break down. His father would have had something to say about it – which probably means Jungkook shouldn’t be embarrassed about the reaction.

“No,” he admits. “Everything isn’t okay – but it will be. Soon. I know I’ve been distracted, but I promise to do better.”

Namjoon looks at him wryly. “Who are they?”

Jungkook blinks. “Huh?”

Laughing to himself, Namjoon takes the seat beside him. “Whoever it is that has you in shambles,” he continues. “This conference room is dry, otherwise I’d offer you a stiff drink. Feels like we should imbibe if we have to talk about feelings.”

Jungkook can’t help but smile. “That obvious, huh?”

“Only to those who’ve been there before.”

Leaning back in his seat, Jungkook tilts his head. He and Namjoon have been friends for years, although their friendship began as a business relationship. Namjoon wasn’t around for the less savory parts of his life; the years when Jungkook was drunk more often than not and took nothing about this company seriously.

Other people remember though, and Jungkook has had to work to turn his image around. Even now, his father’s media headlines haunt his footsteps – although these have recently ceased since Jungkook became CEO. You’re a distraction to his work by any definition, drawing Jungkook’s attention away from the company. Especially so if Namjoon has noticed.

“Can I give you some advice?” Namjoon offers, steepling long fingers before him.

Jungkook lifts a brow. “If I said no, would that stop you?”

“Probably not.”

“Then, sure. Go ahead.”

Namjoon leans in. “Don’t let this fester.”

“What?”

“Whatever it is that’s been bothering you.” Namjoon lowers his hands. “Don’t let things linger – fix the situation before it’s too late. My mom always says not to go to bed angry and in this case, I agree with her.”

Jungkook considers. “When would you not agree with that statement?”

“If you’re both drunk and neither one of you are making any sense.”

“Huh.” He nods. “Valid.”

“Anyways,” Namjoon sighs. “I’ve been paying attention to you this week, and whatever’s going on hasn’t gotten any better. Rather than keep going, you should make a change.”

“A change to… what?”

“Hell, if I know.” Namjoon lifts a shoulder and lets it fall. “I only know the bare minimum of information about your situation.”

“Fair point.” Jungkook exhales, pushing a hand through his hair.

Shoving his chair back to stand, Namjoon adjusts his suit jacket. Scooping his laptop from the table, he heads for the door only to pause on the threshold, looking as though he’s debating whether to say something or not.

Evidently, saying the thing wins out and he straightens. “You know you can delegate, right?” Namjoon says, leveling Jungkook with a look. “Today’s meeting, for example. You probably don’t need to hear every update from every department. Let your CFO talk to Finance and tell you if something’s important.”

The furrow between Jungkook’s brows deepens. “You’re probably right,” he allows.

Truthfully, Jungkook is struggling to find his management style. His father ruled through fear and the occasional carrot. Jungkook wants to make his own mark on the company and have his employees work because they actually want to, but this is proving more difficult to achieve than he thought.

“Just a thought.” Namjoon shrugs, slapping the door before disappearing down the hall. Jungkook is left alone, the clock on the wall the only sound apart from his thoughts.

Exhaling lowly, he stares at his hands atop the acrylic table. On his right, the sun has gradually sunk towards the horizon. Today is Friday, meaning most of his staff has gone home by now. Their weekly report-out is usually the last meeting on people’s calendars. Jungkook rarely leaves before the sun sets, though. He uses his time in the evening to respond to his emails.

Namjoon is probably right about delegating. Afraid of being seen as an absentee leader, Jungkook has joined every meeting for every direct report since the Board voted him in as CEO. It’s probably time for him to relax the reins, or else be seen as a micromanager.

Releasing a breath, Jungkook pulls his notepad closer. His cell phone sits beside him on the table, stubbornly silent since the start of the meeting. Jungkook doesn’t bother to check if you’ve texted, since he already knows the answer.

Since Aleve, you’ve been quiet.

Things were awkward before then though if he’s being honest. When you called Jungkook the night prior and asked him to stay, he nearly jumped at the chance. Despite having a Board meeting the next day and mountains of paperwork to do – the moment you called, Jungkook came. The truth of the matter was he wouldn’t turn down any opportunity to see you, no matter the consequences.

Jungkook should’ve known then that he was in trouble, but he didn’t fully realize until the next day. When he awoke and saw your face limned by sunlight, Jungkook knew things had gone further than he intended.

He had feelings for you. Strong feelings. Feelings Jungkook had never experienced, and ones which put him in danger because they broke all your rules. This was also the moment panic set in – you’d been more than clear about what would happen if he broke a rule. Jungkook had fallen for the one person he’d promised not to – and so he ran away.

Later, he texted a casual thank you. Jungkook tried to pull back, tried to disguise his true feelings so you wouldn’t suspect things had changed. Somehow though, this only seemed to make things worse. The voice in his head whispers Jungkook did it on purpose – shut you down before you could tell him to go.

Eyes closed, Jungkook swivels in his chair. Namjoon is right. He should call you, but the thought of picking up the phone and putting his heart on the line seems insurmountable. It’s nearly six o clock on a Friday, anyways – more than likely, you’re out with your friends.

Jungkook’s throat tightens. Or possibly out on another date with Liam.

Pushing his chair back, Jungkook reaches for his notebook. Over a month has gone by since he ran into Liam at your fundraiser – it seems impossible for feelings to have developed in such a short time. Then again, Jungkook didn’t feel this way about you a month ago. Hell, he was in denial of his feelings up until your apartment.

Now that he knows though, it’s up to Jungkook to confess before it’s too late. Even if you are hooking up with Liam, that would be better than if you developed feelings for him. This depressing turn of thought is thankfully interrupted by Jungkook’s phone buzzing.

Withdrawing this, he hopes for your name only to be disappointed by the truncated line of text. Exhaling lowly, Jungkook swipes.

Dad: You need to attend the Y/L/N’s anniversary party tomorrow evening. Unexpected business out of town – will be gone until Monday. Sign my name in the card, thx [6:36 PM]

Frown deepening, Jungkook pockets his phone. Just like his father to expect him to drop everything and attend to the family business. If the Board vote on company strategy weren’t imminent, Jungkook would likely tell his father to go to hell.

There’s also the fact that your family name is in the text – Y/L/N. This party is being thrown by your parents, which means you might attend. Coming to a stop before his office, Jungkook is struck by the possibility this could work in his favor.

Rather than chase you down, he could show up at the party and see your reaction. Something to inform him whether his feelings are returned before placing it all on the line.

Jungkook knows that feelings shouldn’t be conditional. That if he wants to confess, he should just do it, but Jungkook manages to push the voice aside. Already building a plan for tomorrow, he strides into his office and lets the door shut.

All day long, Jungkook debates what time to arrive. Get there too soon, and he might scare you off. Arrive late enough and he could miss you entirely. You haven’t been shy about the feelings you hold for your parents, and Jungkook doubts you’ll stay long.

In the end, he exits his town car a half hour late, but Jungkook needn’t have worried: you’re nowhere to be found. Deflating slightly, Jungkook wanders inside and orders a drink from a bar. Turning to face the ballroom, he swirls his whiskey while scanning the floor.

The party is indistinguishable from any other society event, doing little to recommend it in Jungkook’s opinion. Pulling himself from the bar, Jungkook engages in small talk while making the rounds and keeping one eye on the door.

Nearly an hour passes, and Jungkook finds himself trapped in conversation with one of his father’s close friends. Laura something or other; Jungkook can’t recall her surname. Nodding while listening, Jungkook tunes Laura out while she prattles on about her new diamond mine.

“Have you been there?” Laura prompts, forcing him into the conversation.

“Hm?” Jungkook lifts a brow. “No, I’m afraid not.”

A risk, since he didn’t hear where Laura mentioned, but a negative answer discourages follow-up. Or so it would seem. With Laura though, this prompts a soliloquy about the benefits of Cannes in the fall. As soon as he considers it polite to do so, Jungkook excuses himself and heads once more for the bar.

He’s nearly made it when the crowd parts and time seems to slow as you enter the ballroom. Dressed in a gown of midnight blue, you throw your head back and laugh – and Jungkook’s gaze drifts sideways to land on Liam Jessen.

His feet turn to ice. Coming to a stop, Jungkook can’t help but stare at the sight of your arm intertwined with his. You look beautiful, but then again, you always do. Gown sweeping the floor, you’re nothing short of ethereal and seeing you on the arm of another man slices Jungkook’s chest open.

When you look at Liam and smile, the pounding of Jungkook’s heart drowns out all thought. Grasping ahold of himself, Jungkook spins around to stalk across the floor. He can’t see you like this. Can’t talk to you calmly when you’re here with Liam.

Dropping his glass on the bar counter, Jungkook asks for a whiskey and waits while it’s poured. Staring down at his hand, he regains control of his breathing.

You came here with Liam.

You came tonight with a date, and that date is Liam. Sluggishly, Jungkook tries to separate the two thoughts, but they continue to attract like opposing magnets. Discomfort prickles in the back of his mind, putting two and two together. Your rules resurface, unasked and unwanted.

Number one, no discussion of personal lives (broken several times over). Number two, always use protection and get tested monthly for STDs. Number three, that you’re not exclusive. Number four, that either of you are free to end things any time, and rule number five, that your parents can’t find out.

It’s the fifth rule which has Jungkook’s stomach in knots. He assumed you didn’t want to tell your parents because you’re estranged and dating anyone from their world would bring complications. Which makes sense, if Jungkook and you were just having sex. Complications are the antithesis of that type of thing.

For you not to have similar reservations about Liam means things between you are different. That possibly you think Liam is worth the hassle. Unable to contemplate any meaning beyond this, Jungkook’s thoughts curdle and sour.

The bartender finishes pouring, and Jungkook accepts this without comment to chug a third. Setting this back down, Jungkook wipes his mouth with the back of one hand. Exhaling, he considers the options before him.

You haven’t seen him, which means that Jungkook could leave. His father might be angry, but frankly, that’s the least of Jungkook’s concerns. The more Jungkook ponders, the more appealing this seems, and the more his resolve hardens.

Draining another third, Jungkook turns around and spots you across the room. You stand beside a different bar, smiling at something your brother just said. White-hot jealousy licks Jungkook’s stomach, seeing you introduce Liam to your family.

The rest of his drink disappears, and Jungkook places the empty glass on the counter, sliding the bartender a fifty. Adjusting his suit jacket, he skirts the edge of the room as he heads for the door.

Your face burns in his mind. Standing between your brother and Liam, you seemed almost happy. Buoyant. Without a care in the world. Exactly the opposite of how Jungkook feels now. Clearly, you haven’t been missing him during your time apart.

Forcing his expression to neutrality, Jungkook crosses the rest of the room. He’s nearly made it to the hallway when a man steps into his path.

“Jungkook!” Reaching for his hand, the man clasps this tightly. “What a surprise – fancy seeing you here instead of your father. Seems like the regime change is in full swing, eh?”

With great effort, Jungkook slows his stride. The man is Charles Smith – a valuable ally, and one of the few Fortune 500 companies willing to invest in clean energy. Namjoon has drafted numerous proposals for their companies working together, which means Jungkook can’t afford to alienate him at such a crucial time.

Forcing a smile, Jungkook comes to a stop. “Something like that,” he says smoothly, shaking his hand. “How are you this evening, Charles?”

“Oh, Chuck is fine. I’m swell,” he says, withdrawing his hand to swirl his gin. “The doctor keeps telling me not to drink, but we’ve all got to die sometime – right?”

“Right,” Jungkook agrees, though his gaze darts towards the hall.

Unfortunately, this means you’re forced in his path. You’ve left the bar and now stand beside your mother, your expression aggravated in a way Jungkook can understand. When your gaze locks with his, you go completely still.

Even if Jungkook didn’t know who your companion was, he’d know you were related. Something about your bearing, the confident way you stand screams familial relation. You probably wouldn’t like hearing that, but traits by themselves aren’t bad. It’s what you do with them that matters.

While your mother seems unimpressed by her surroundings, you look visibly frustrated. Jungkook isn’t sure why and probably shouldn’t care to find out. Your familial problems are none of his concern.

Turning around, Jungkook thanks Charles for his time before he moves on. Your worried face refuses to dissipate from mind though, despite his best efforts. Eventually, Jungkook exhales and turns – only to notice Liam is still with you. Feet pausing, Jungkook finds himself feeling foolish for the second time that night.

Grasping you by the arm, your mother returns you to their circle – completing the image of a picture-perfect family. Idiot, Jungkook curses, disappearing again. Foolish to not hear what you said, to ignore the many, many times you’ve placed boundaries between you.

Jungkook’s inner voice delights in his anguish, strengthened by the ache in his heart. Not good enough for your father, not good enough for Y/N, the voice muses. How can you hope for a serious relationship when you’ve never been in one before? Liam might be an ass, but at least he has ambition. He made something of himself, rather than spend so many years drowning in self-pity.

As cruel as the thought is, it’s not entirely wrong. Liam has more in common with you than Jungkook would like to admit – you’ve known from a young age what you wanted, just like Liam. Liam wasn’t born into wealth; his family doesn’t exist within the same social circle. It almost makes sense, the idea of you dating.

Liam betrayed Jungkook’s confidence once, but they were both young then. Naïve. Maybe Liam has changed since the internship – God knows, Jungkook has.

Returning his thoughts to present, Jungkook reaches the valet. Ultimately, you brought Liam to meet your parents and not Jungkook. Whether this means you have feelings for Liam or can’t see a future with Jungkook – either way, the result is the same.

Jungkook supposes he can’t blame you for that. Jeon Energy is the Goliath to your David. Until Jungkook’s proposal is approved by the Board, the direction of Jeon Energy remains the same. Dating him would go against everything you believe in. It isn’t as though Jungkook has let you in on his plans or allowed you to think better of him in any way.

While waiting for his car to arrive, Jungkook keeps both hands in his pockets. The fact that you brought Liam means Rule Number Four can’t be far behind. The rule which allows either of you to end things between you. Jungkook recalls how he scoffed at this rule, certain it wouldn’t be necessary for either one of you.

In his experience, interest rarely lasts longer than a month. Jungkook figured your spark would fizzle and die, that you’d gradually stop calling and there’d be no hard feelings. Now, he can’t help but wonder at how foolish he was.

Jungkook needs to end this before you can.

By ending things first, it’d allow Jungkook to keep some of his dignity. It would also give you an out, alleviating you from pressure of letting him down. If anything, Jungkook imagines you’ll feel some relief. This way, you don’t have to explain about Liam.

Flipping his keys, Jungkook is staring into the night when footsteps approach.

Turning his head, he watches the moment you enter the hall. A vision in blue, fabric drifting around your legs as you come to a stop. For a moment, Jungkook wonders if you’re here to see him before banishing the notion as dangerous.

“Hi,” you exhale, your voice carrying through the hall.

Brow furrowing, Jungkook wonders why you came. Maybe Liam is close behind, ready to leave with you in his car.

“Hi,” Jungkook exhales, his chest tight.

Glancing over his shoulder, you search for someone, and Jungkook’s confusion grows. Everyone else remains at the party. Distractedly, Jungkook wonders if you saw him leave and came to check on him. The thought of your pity makes his neck heat.

“Can we talk?” you ask at last, meeting his gaze.

Jungkook pauses, at war with himself. If he agrees, he’d be moving up the timeline of your conversation. Not to mention the fact that merely the sight of you loosens his resolve. If you were to talk now, who knows what he’d say.

“I…” Jungkook hesitates, certain he should say no. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Y/N.”

Something flares in your gaze. “I didn’t say it was a good idea. I said I wanted to talk.”

Jungkook is forced to press his lips together to keep from laughing. It’s just such a you thing to say that against his better judgement, Jungkook finds himself nodding. Despite knowing this will hurt more tomorrow, Jungkook gives in.

Taking him by the arm, you tug him down the hall. Jungkook follows closely behind, unceremoniously dragged while you find a suitable room. Pulling open a door, you shove Jungkook in, flicking the light switch to quickly follow suit.

Your dress settles around you, nose nearly pressed to his in the dim light of the closet. Jungkook’s heart pounds, overloud in such a small space. Your scent wraps around him, body and soul, pulling him in when he should run away. It muddies what he came here to tell you, causes him to forget that you’re breaking his heart.

Unable to breathe, Jungkook looks at the door. Then, at your ear. Anywhere but at your gaze, which can see right through him.

Eventually, the silence moves him to speak. “You wanted to talk?” Jungkook asks, careful to keep his tone neutral.

You blink in amazement. “That’s… all you have to say?”

Jungkook notices you’re holding his wrist at the same time you do. Dropping him as though burned, you take a step backwards and your spine hits the door. This rejection stings more than Jungkook would like to admit.

“Well, I was about to leave,” he says stiffly, and meets your gaze.

He wishes he hadn’t when your eyes narrow, full of fire. It’s unfair of you to look at him like that. Unfair to look at him at all when you came here with Liam and again, Jungkook wonders why you’re here.

“Fine, then,” you huff. “I’ll speak.”

Jungkook’s heart aches when he hears the clear hurt in your voice. As infuriating as tonight has been, Jungkook had every opportunity to say how he felt weeks ago. Hell, he could have called yesterday, but he didn’t. Instead, Jungkook showed up tonight and expected to be met with your praise.

Folding your arms across your chest, you fix Jungkook with a glare. “I haven’t heard from you in a while,” you exhale.

Jungkook hesitates, unsure how to respond. You came here tonight with Liam, so it doesn’t make sense for you to pull him aside for small talk. To chase him towards his car only to ask Jungkook how he’s been.

Forcing his expression to remain neutral, Jungkook searches for an answer that’s least embarrassing. Or incriminating.

“I’ve been out of town,” he says at last.

You study his face. “Business trip?”

“Yes. Amongst other things.”

It’s mostly true. Jungkook and Namjoon have been traveling across the country, securing their plans for the upcoming Board meeting. You don’t know anything about that though, so his answer remains vague.

“Seems awfully sudden,” you observe.

Realizing his jaw is clenched, Jungkook forces himself to relax. The fact that you’re here, mad at him when you came with Liam is beyond infuriating. “I can’t help but notice,” he says, voice dropping, “you didn’t text me either. Or did I miss your messages?”

Something in your expression falters, but you recover quickly to step closer. Breath held, Jungkook looks you up and down. Everything about your body language screams anger, but this can’t be right. You’ve been dating Liam for weeks, have introduced him to your parents which means a breakup with Jungkook can’t be far behind – right?

“No, you didn’t,” you admit.

Jungkook’s resolve hardens. “So, I have to assume you didn’t want to see me.”

His voice comes out calmer than he is though, and the irrationality of your discussion spurs a wave of uncertainty. You didn’t text Jungkook; he didn’t text you. Both of you ignored the other and now, here you are. That part makes sense, no matter how uncomfortable.

What Jungkook can’t explain is why you ran after him. Why you pulled him aside and wanted to talk. None of what you’re saying matters if you’re planning to end things – unless you’re not. A wild spark of hope catches, and Jungkook smothers it quickly.

“I was waiting,” you blurt out, incredulous. “After all the weirdness at the restaurant, I was waiting for you to reach out to me!”

Jungkook’s thoughts stutter, then resume. You wanted him to reach out. Of course, that doesn’t change the fact that you moved on so quickly.

“What weirdness?”

“Oh, please.” You stifle an eye roll. “I ran into you on a date with Liam, and you acted strange.”

Jungkook’s entire face heats. “I mean, I do think it’s weird that you want to date Jessen,” he says, unable to stop himself. “He’s not a good guy.”

“Why not?” you demand. “You can’t just say that, and not explain.”

Jungkook hesitates, on the verge of explanation before he pulls back. It doesn’t matter. If Jungkook tells you about Liam, he’d have to explain everything – his mom, his dad and the whole, morbid past. There’s no point in sharing if you’re leaving tonight.

Something about this feels wrong, but Jungkook can’t put a finger on why.

“Why did you even come here?” you ask, your expression changing. “Why did you come to my parents’ party if you didn’t want to see me? If you really don’t care?”

I care, Jungkook wants to yell. Obviously, he cares but you were the one who walked in on someone else’s arm. The confession chokes in his throat, stillborn.

“I came because my dad asked me,” Jungkook says instead. “He couldn’t attend, so he sent me in his place. It would’ve been rude for one of us not to attend.”

Your jaw tightens. “Liar.”

Jungkook goes still. “Excuse me?”

Somehow, you move even closer. “I said, liar,” you repeat, chin tilted. “Your father didn’t ask you to come. You came here because you wanted to – why can’t you just admit that?”

Panic sparks, realizing you can see right through him. And still, Jungkook doesn’t understand why you’re pretending to care. Why you continue to push, trying to get Jungkook to say he cares when you’re the one leaving. Do you want him to beg? Would leaving be better if you left him humiliated?

Anger is easier to focus on than pain, and so Jungkook grasps it tight with both hands.

Something in your gaze falters. “I – right, okay,” you murmur, fumbling behind you for the door. “Got it. I just… assumed. I’ll go.”

Hearing your voice crack, Jungkook’s fury vanishes. No longer caring about the why, he focuses on the what and reaches out for your wrist. Your breath catches when his fingers close around your warm skin. Gently – so gently – Jungkook turns you around and presses you to the door.

Inhaling your scent, Jungkook crowds you against the wood. You stare back at him and Jungkook wonders what would’ve happened if he’d just called.

Feeling suddenly helpless, he drops the façade. “You’re right,” Jungkook admits, his voice hoarse. “I wanted to see you.”

Bending his head, he crushes your lips with his.

Your noise of surprise muffles, dissipating the moment your lips touch. Hands encircling his waist, you slowly trace the panes of his body. Jungkook loves the way you touch him – gentle and then, not gentle at all. Losing himself in your touch, Jungkook kisses you roughly.

When your hands tug his hair, Jungkook groans into your mouth. Memorizing the feel of your body with his, he shuts out the fear that this might be the last. Within minutes, the kiss has turned urgent, both of you searching for something unsaid. Smoothing a hand down your spine, Jungkook tugs you into his chest.

Half-hard since he entered the closet, Jungkook bites down on your lip to relish the soft noise you make. Slipping his hand beneath the strap of your dress, he bares your shoulder and cups your breast in his palm. Slowly, he teases your nipple with his thumb and listens to your breath hitch.

Head lowered, Jungkook closes his lips around the nipple and tugs. You groan, arching against him in eager invitation. Hand reaching, Jungkook fumbles with your zipper until it catches and pulls. Your dress pools on the ground, leaving you naked except for your heels and panties. Cock swelling at the visual, Jungkook bites lightly on your nipple through lace.

Reaching behind, you undo your bra and let this fall to the floor. With it, the last of Jungkook’s resolve slips away. “You’re beautiful,” he murmurs.

Before you can respond, he lowers his head and sucks your breast again. Teasing you slowly, he relishes the eager rise and fall of your chest. Lowering his hand, he grasps your thigh to wrap firmly around him. Fingers searching, he skims the edge of your wetness and feels you tremble.

Returning to your lips, Jungkook crushes his mouth to yours. Now that you’ve kissed, he can’t seem to stop – especially when he knows this might be the last. Pouring everything he feels into a wordless gesture, Jungkook pulls you to him.

You whimper, shifting to better align your hips to his. Tightening his grip on your waist, Jungkook chuckles and keeps himself just beyond reach. Lazily trailing his fingers in circles, he angles his head to deepen the kiss.

“Jungkook,” you moan against his lips.

He can’t help but smile. “Yes?”

Eyes opening, your expression turns heady. “I need more.”

“More.” Casually, his fingers stroke higher. “Is that what you want from me? Want me to make you come, princess?”

There’s a bite to his words he can’t fully disguise. Jungkook is used to being wanted for his skills in bed. It’s never been something he begrudged before but then, he’s never wanted more from someone else and hearing you say it is like a knife to the chest.

You hesitate, gaze searching. “What do you want, Jungkook?”

Jungkook goes still, scanning your face. He wants more than this. He wants you and you, alone but that can’t possibly be what you mean.

“What… do I want?” he repeats.

“Yes.” You stare up at him, earnest. “You always ask me what I want in bed, but what do you want?”

In bed. Each word is followed by a dull thunk, falling into place alongside the weight of expectation. Obviously, you meant sex – anything more would be ludicrous. You came here tonight with someone else, after all.

Lowering his head, Jungkook skims your throat with his nose. He allows his teeth to graze skin, feeling you shudder and tightening his grip.

“This,” he murmurs, voice cracking in a rare moment of honesty. “Just this.”

Jungkook kisses you before you can see the desperation in his eyes. He backs you against the door, skimming the top of your panties with his rough fingers. You shudder against him, arching your chest and Jungkook takes pity.

Sliding a hand lower, he cups your center and hisses when he feels how wet you are. Slowly, he drags a finger forward – along the damp fabric. One palm on the door, Jungkook repeats this over and over, until you’re a wet, sopping mess.

“Jungkook,” you beg, meeting his gaze.

Jungkook lifts a brow. “Thighs together, princess.”

Hastening to obey, you trap his hand between your warm legs. Flexing his wrist, Jungkook idly strokes along the seam of your panties. A soft moan leaves your lips, head hitting the door while he touches you. Jungkook slowly slips his finger beneath the soft lace.

Brushing the hood of your clit, he savors how swollen you are. How responsive your body is to his touch. Gaze dropping, he takes in the frantic roll of your hips.

“Jungkook,” you moan, and his gaze jerks upward.

“Look at you,” he croons, moving closer. “Already a mess and I’ve barely touched you. Just sucked on those pretty tits like you needed. Tell me,” he says, voice hardening. “Tell me you needed it.”

Deep down, Jungkook knows this is wrong. It isn’t healthy to push things so far, to make you come on his hand when he knows this is over – and yet, he can’t bring himself to stop. If this is all Jungkook gets, he at least wants you to remember.

“I did,” you gasp. “I needed it so bad.”

A muscle ticks in his jaw. “Because no one else gets you like this, huh?”

“N-no one,” you pant, a tremor to your voice.

“What was that?”

“No one but you, Jungkook,” you amend, and he grunts in approval.

“Turn around,” he demands and steps backwards.

You obey, hands pressed to the door as you lower your head. A shiver runs down Jungkook’s spine, seeing how much you trust him. Stepping closer, he eases your legs apart with one hand. Removing your panties, Jungkook lets them fall and presses his hips to your ass from behind.

“Did you bring a condom?” he murmurs, savoring your intake of breath.

Your head tips back a little. “I – no,” you blurt, eyes widening. “I didn’t think of it.”

Satisfaction seeps through his chest when Jungkook realizes you didn’t plan on sleeping with Liam. That’s something, at least. Something he can give you that no one else can.

Chuckling lowly, he caresses your ass – only to bring his palm down. “Didn’t think of it,” Jungkook breathes, dragging two fingers through your dripping sex. “Hm. I don’t believe that.”

“Don’t” – a sharp inhale – “believe what?”

Spanking you again, Jungkook presses you against the door. “I don’t think you forgot a condom,” he murmurs, low in your ear. “I think that you wanted my cum inside you. Is that right? Want me to fuck you raw?”

He pauses, waiting for your reaction before he continues. You let out a whimper, pressing your ass backwards in clear invitation. Fuck. Jungkook nearly swears out loud, consumed by the thought of what it would feel like. Sex without a condom has never been practical for him but now, Jungkook finds himself imagining.

Slowly, he circles your dripping entrance. Sliding his finger inside, Jungkook lets you adjust before he pulls out. “You’re such a dirty girl,” he exhales, adding a second finger.

Pushing backwards, your legs widen slightly to accommodate him. Jungkook slowly moves in and out, stretching your entrance.

“Tell me you don’t want that,” he murmurs. “Me, bending you over and fucking you hard in this closet. Filling you up to the brim with my cum.”

It’s hard for Jungkook to concentrate once the thought has been voiced. If he can’t have you the way he wants to, he can at least pretend. When you moan your approval, it only stokes his flames higher.

“I could do that right now,” Jungkook continues, dropping his voice. “Fuck you so hard, then cum inside this perfect pussy. When I’m done, I’ll tug your panties up, put on your dress and send you back out there. Except” – his voice catches – “I’ll know. And you’ll know that your sweet, little pussy has been used by me. Belongs to me. Is full of me.”

You groan, arching into him while his fingers fill you. The image is provocative, imagining his claim when you return to Liam. Even if you don’t want Jungkook like that, your body clearly does – and Jungkook knows he can satisfy you better than anyone. The thought of his cum dripping down your thigh when you return to your date brings more than a little dark satisfaction.

“Jungkook,” you pant.

“What, princess?” he murmurs, refocusing on the present.

“I – I’m close.”

“Already?” Grazing his teeth against your shoulder, Jungkook quickens his pace. “Let’s give you an orgasm to start, then.”

You whimper, thighs trembling as he pushes you over the edge. It’s not long before you gasp his name, spasming around Jungkook until he withdraws his fingers.

Exhaling slowly, you hang your head. Tugging down his zipper, Jungkook doesn’t waste any time. Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a condom and rips this open. The tear of the packet makes you turn your head.

Dazed, your gaze latches onto the motion. “You… had a condom on you?”

Jungkook smirks and rolls this on. “You seemed to enjoy the idea of my cum inside you.”

Your eyes narrow, but you don’t disagree and Jungkook steps forward to press his cock to your core. Any trace of annoyance vanishes, replaced by desire as he drags his cock up and down. Jungkook nearly swears when he feels how wet you are, rubbing his head against your swollen clit.

Slowly, he leans forward to press you against the door. “Is this what you want?” Jungkook urges, reaching lower to grasp his length with one hand. Casually, he smacks your clit with his cock. “Want my cock inside this needy pussy?”

“God, yes,” you groan as you lower your head.

Hearing this is searing and suddenly, Jungkook doesn’t feel like playing games. “Good,” he agrees and thrusts forward.

You gasp when he enters, gaze focused on the place where he fills you. Jungkook nearly swears when he feels the slickness of your heat, the easy way you envelop him when he slides in. Pausing halfway, he waits until you adjust before pushing further. Slow, easy thrusts until you take his whole length.

Jungkook grunts when he bottoms out, hips pressed snugly against your ass. Refusing to move, he begins to tease your body. Sliding one hand up your torso to cup your full breast in his palm. Casual, he plays with your tit as he starts to thrust – pulling back out, only to slide slowly in.

He does this again and again, memorizing your body until your patience disappears. Taking over the rhythm, you set the pace and push back on his cock. Jungkook allows you to lead before deciding enough is enough and resuming control. Grasping your hip, he presses you to the door and feels you inhale.

Your body melts with his, showcasing your trust and Jungkook nearly breaks. Thrusting forward, he fills you with everything that you crave. You want him to fuck you? So be it. You want him to give you an orgasm? Jungkook will do it. He’ll give you everything you ask, even if it costs him himself.

Touching your body everywhere he can reach, Jungkook feels a building urgency. Playing with your clit, teasing your breast, turning your face sideways to lick up your throat. Savoring your taste, he pounds into your body and hopes against reason you’ll remember tonight.

Based on the way your body trembles, the prospect is promising. Jungkook knows that he’s big. It’s something he’s heard before, but you take him so easily and without complaint. He knows you enjoy the sensation, that you appreciate the feeling of too-fullness he gives. The thought makes him even harder, his cock throbbing with each punishing thrust into your slick heat.

Sliding one palm underneath your knee, Jungkook opens you further and fully lets go. He feels your body constrict, fluttering around him to let him know you’re close.

“That’s it,” he grunts, gripping your jaw to turn your face to his. “Is this what you want? Want me to make you come?”

Silently, he begs you with his eyes to say something different. That you want more than sex, but nothing in your expression seems to understand.

“Yes,” you gasp, eyelashes fluttering. “Yes.”

Pressing his mouth to yours, Jungkook claims you when you come apart. You squeeze him so tightly, he wonders if you somehow know this might be the last time. Forcing himself to continue until your final wave, Jungkook finally comes in a heated shudder.

He stays there for a moment, breath rising and falling against your bare skin. Squeezing his eyes shut, Jungkook imagines briefly this won’t be the end. That he can leave this closet, walk you back to your family and – here, stops the daydream because you came here with Liam.

Slowly, Jungkook withdraws and ties the condom in a knot. Clearing his throat, he fumbles for words while glancing around the closet.

This is the last time. It has to be the last since Jungkook can’t continue to break himself into pieces. Can’t continue to fuck you and send you home to him.

Quietly, you adjust the strap of your dress. Jungkook keeps his hands still, itching to help but convincing himself not to. Every part of his body screams at him to stay, to do something – say something – but he forces himself to stay.

Tucking himself into his pants, Jungkook pulls up the zipper. He feels the weight of your gaze on his cheek, uncertain. When he finally meets your eyes, Jungkook forces his expression to harden. After a moment, he looks past – towards the door.

Something in your posture stiffens. “Jungkook,” you say, sounding wary. “Why are you here?”

The answer rises to his lips, but Jungkook stamps it back down. He came to apologize. To tell you how he felt but all possibilities ended the moment you entered with Liam.

“Are you dating Liam?” Jungkook asks, the words slipping past. Cursing himself for the sudden lapse, he tries not to notice the way you react.

“I… what?”

Jungkook feels his lips tighten. “Are you dating Liam Jessen?”

“We…” You blink, hesitating a moment. “We’ve been on a few dates.”

Neither a yes nor a no, but either way, the words are enough to sink his last hope. Jungkook’s heart drops, and he nods.

Only a few dates is both good and bad. It’s good that the number is small – bad that despite this, you wanted Liam to meet your family. Swallowing hard, Jungkook tastes the scorched earth of his anger. He concentrates on this rather than on sorrow – easier to face you with vitriol in his heart.

Gaze flickering, you step closer. “Jungkook, I –”

“This should probably be the last time we do this, right?”

You freeze, the heat from your body tangible. The look on your face is shock, clear and uncalculated, and Jungkook’s anger swells in response. You have no right to look at him that way – as though he were the villain breaking your heart.

“You…” Dazed, you shake your head. “We what?”

“You and Liam are together, right?” Jungkook asks, the words coming out sharp.

“Together isn’t the word I’d use.”

“Then what word would you use?” His words bleed with frustration, and Jungkook isn’t sure what he’s searching for.

Except that’s not true because he does know. If you said you wanted him, Jungkook would end this right now. He’d say that he wants you, and that he wants things to change. Even while thinking this though, Jungkook knows it’s unfair. He can’t expect you to put your heart on the line when he’s not willing to do the same.

Either way, you say nothing and slowly, Jungkook’s frustration vanishes. Any answer would be preferred to this punishing silence.

“Thought so,” he breathes, grasping for straws. “Wasn’t that part of the rules? We’d fuck until you found someone else to date?”

You recoil slightly, and it takes all Jungkook’s willpower to keep himself still. It’s better this way, he reasons. Better for you to hate him now than peer beneath the surface and see how much he’s hurting.

“That was a long time ago,” you counter. “And that’s not everything I said to you.”

Jungkook suppresses his wince because he knows. He knows things have changed since the night you gave your rules. Remembers with perfect clarity standing in your kitchen and hearing you say Jungkook’s mom would be proud.

He remembers entering your body later that night, cupping your face with both hands to brush his lips against yours. Jungkook knows things have changed and still, he pushes you away because it seems better – safer – than you pushing him first.

“You’re right,” he says, slipping both hands in his pockets. “You also implied things could end if I caught an STD.”

Your brow furrows. “Jungkook,” you say, reaching for him. “Just stop. Let’s –”

“I have feelings for someone,” he blurts.

At this, your hand freezes. Jungkook wishes you would touch, aches for the brush of your skin but forces himself to stay silent. It’s too late for reconciliation – he can tell by the flashes of emotion chasing each other across your face.

Shock, confusion, and where he expects anger, Jungkook finds something far worse – hurt.

“Do… I know her?”

Jungkook’s heart cracks down the middle. He can’t possibly say that you are her. If he did, you’d be forced to choose between him and Liam, and Jungkook already knows how that’d go. Everyone chooses someone else in the end.

“It doesn’t matter,” he says at last.

You stare at him another moment, causing Jungkook to wonder if you see through him. Then, your expression crumples and you withdraw your hand.

“Right,” you whisper.

Jungkook’s resolve falters. “I just… don’t want to drag this out,” he says, and even to his ears, the words sound weak. “I think it would be better to end things now. Before someone gets hurt.”

The words are nearly cause for laughter because it’s much too late for that.

“Right,” you exhale. “Is that why you came here tonight?”

When Jungkook pauses, disappointment settles over your features.

“Well, good,” you say, lifting your chin. “Okay. We said we’d hook up as long as it made sense. If it doesn’t make sense, we should end it.”

Something jerks in his stomach. “Y/N…”

A bitter laugh escapes you, reaching backwards. “Don’t Y/N me.”

“I get that you’re upset, but –”

“Upset?” Your entire body freezes, fury limning your eyes. “I’m not upset, Jungkook – I’m pissed. You avoided me for weeks just to show up at my parents’ party, fuck me in a closet and end this? Which – oh my god,” you say, something like horror crossing your face. “We had sex, Jungkook. What would the woman you supposedly like have to say about that?”

Jungkook’s chest seizes, making breathing difficult. Everything you say is true and already, he can tell he’s going to regret this.

“She’d hate it,” he admits, soft.

You pause, brow furrowing. “Well, okay. As long as you… agree with me?”

Jungkook can only stare at you, helpless. “This is for the best, Y/N. I know that it is. You have Liam, and I – well, I made a mistake coming here. I shouldn’t have followed you in here. Or kissed you. I –”

“That’s enough,” you snap.

Your chest rises and falls, anger barely restrained when Jungkook falls silent. He knows he crossed a line, and truthfully, he regrets nothing except how things are ending. And maybe the way he left your place that one morning.

“I really am sorry,” he murmurs.

“Yeah, well.” You take a deep breath, reaching behind you. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, right? We were casual. Only sex. And now we’re nothing.”

It’s nothing Jungkook hasn’t thought before, but your words skewer him in a way he didn’t think possible. Light from the hall floods the closet when you leave, striping the floor with Jungkook’s own shadow.

He allows you to go, knowing it’s for the best as he drags a hand down his face. Exhaling deeply, Jungkook tries to suppress the tears pricking his eyelids.

Logic which once seemed simple now seems indecipherable. Jungkook thought ending things would be cleaner but now, he’s not sure. Did you really want Liam to meet your parents, or did it happen by chance? More importantly – were you planning to end things with Jungkook?

A sliver of uncertainty enters his thoughts, but Jungkook forces himself to move on. There’s no point in wondering what-if. You two are over. He won’t see you again.

The enormity of this crashes over him and suddenly, it’s hard for Jungkook to breathe. He forces himself to inhale, taking slow, shallow breaths until the feeling passes. Eventually, Jungkook opens the closet door and steps into the hall.

Most of the walk to the car is a blur, only sharpening once he settles into the driver’s seat. Clutching the steering wheel with both hands, Jungkook stares at his knuckles. If you weren’t planning on ending things tonight, that would mean Jungkook has turned into the very person he fears.

Cold, blind, and ultimately – hopeless.

#bangtanarmynet #jungkook fanfic #jungkook smut #bts fanfic #bts smut #jungkook series #bts series

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wildmelon · 1 year

Photo

my wayhaven detectives 🔍🖤

🥺👉🏼👈🏼 i’ve been wanting to post them for a while, but i always put it off (mostly since i tweak them constantly, i’ve redone all of these portraits at least once since i first drafted this). but it’s a foggy november morning here and it put me in the mood. here are my actual children, i’m putting info about them under the cut for anyone like me who loves reading about other ppl’s mcs 😊

Elliott Moran [Felix]

Kind and thoughtful, Elliott has the disposition of an elementary school history teacher. Slightly spacey and dreamy, he’s better at connecting with people than he is holding information. On the bright side, his intuition tends to steer him right when it comes to technology, and he has a knack for fixing things. His perpetual cheerfulness quickly charmed Natalie and attracted Felix.

Elliott’s sensitivity can leave him easily hurt and drained. His care for the people around him supercedes hurt feelings, though, and he’s incapable of holding a grudge. He’s happier than he ever thought he’d be since he started dating Felix.

Waverly Green [Adam]

Waverly spent much of her youth rebelling in bids for attention from her absentee mother. Whatever her initial motivations, she maintains an innate propensity for chaos as an adult. Impulsive, sarcastic, and stubborn, Waverly isn’t always the easiest teammate, though she can turn on the charm when she wants to. (Nine times out of ten. Adam seems immune so far.) She’s always been drawn towards the catharsis of combat. Exercising is one of the only times her mind goes truly blank. She’s also fairly well versed in technology and naturally handy. Her open pessimism and incisive quips sparked a somewhat unlikely friendship with Mason.

Past her bravado lies a deeply insecure and wounded girl who feels like a chronic failure, never good enough for the people around her. (This whole situation with Adam may be touching a nerve.)

Araminta (Minty) Udo [Nat]

Naturally charming and charismatic, Araminta’s easygoing nature and popularity made her a good choice to be detective. The people of Wayhaven trust her wholeheartedly-- or at least they did before all these supernatural occurrences began cropping up. Still, her optimism and quiet self-assuredness puts the people around her at ease. She maintains a (seemingly) great relationship with her mother, has fallen head-over-heels for Natalie, and gets along particularly well with Farah.

Minty seems so well-adjusted it can be hard for people to remember she needs to be taken care of as well. Her forgiveness and patience seem inexhaustible but take a toll that sometimes makes her want to scream. Luckily, she now has Nat to worry about her feelings.

Alice Atwell [Mason]

Incredibly intelligent and deeply logical, Alice is often the voice of reason. She prides herself on her ability to keep calm in a crisis, and her levelheadedness serves her well. Being a detective seemed like the best way to put her sharp mind to good use in Wayhaven, and her sincerity has made her a trusted figure in the community. Her knowledgeability, easygoing nature, and interest in history contributed to a fast friendship with Nat. Mason, meanwhile, is attracted to her goodheartedness against his will (and knowledge).

Underneath Alice’s patient exterior lies a deep need to prove herself and receive love. She seems to have a good relationship with her mother, but Rebecca’s long absences have left her with deep-rooted fear that she’s unlovable that she tries hard to keep buried. (Good thing she’s falling for Mason, he’ll provide her with plenty of reassurance. /s. At least she’s an optimist.)

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the-travelling-witch · 1 year

Text

⇢ ˗ˏˋ But I Still Love You ﾟ☾. ࿐

summary: your relationship was all you could have wished for but what if it turned out it was just a little more?

pairing: scaramouche x gn!reader

prompts: 8. "you're a monster", 19. "i can't do this anymore", 23. "what's wrong with me?"

warnings: [heavy angst] murder, somewhat graphic depiction of violence, emotional abuse+ manipulation, toxic relationship, gaslighting, mentions of suicide, yandere (?) themes, you know i normally love scara but he’s a totally messed up asshole in this, i do not condone this type of behaviour; do not engage with this fic if any of these could potentially jeopardise your health!!

a/n: i can happily announce that this is my first collab fic ever and i’m very excited!! i just had to join after reading the prompts in @versadies’s “farewell, love” collab, my brain was running wild with ideas and settled on the darkest one, don’t ask what possessed me that day; thank you to @mari-on-dragonspine and @yaesnovels for reading this ahead of time and boosting my confidence about it, couldn’t have done it without you; now… soft scara stans, look away, this is not your man

happy halloween🍁

genshin impact masterlist

It was a dream come true.

Every time you’d meet him, the butterflies in your stomach would create a whirlwind of emotion and your heart would soar higher than any bird ever could. That fact that he’d chosen you out of everyone still didn't feel real to you.

Always bright-smiling and elated to see you, he had your heart wrapped around his finger but you didn't mind, you'd gladly given it to him. Taking you out for dinner, escorting you home from work, planning weekend trips with your interests in mind…

He was perfect.

But he was also the Balladeer, who could make anyone dance to his tune. Your friends were wary of his flawless performance from the start. Something that seemed too good to be true was usually just that; a short-lived dream at best, an intricately woven tapestry of lies and illusions at worst. But you ignored all their warnings as your rose-coloured glasses blended every possible red flag with the bouquet of dendrobiums he had gifted you on your date.

As time passed, you saw your friends less and less and eventually they stopped reaching out to you; there were no more letters in your mailbox, you didn't run into them on your trips to the market and their excited knocks on the door faded away into memories. Besides your colleagues at work, you spent most of your time with Scaramouche, whose role in your life was growing more significantly with each passing day.

From helping you with everyday chores to helping you secure better business deals with his position as the Sixth Fatui Harbinger to even going so far as lending you money or straight-up buying whatever you needed or wanted, you were starting to wonder how you managed to navigate life before he waltzed into yours.

Then, Scaramouche asked you if you wanted to move in with him. Considering how evolved he already was and how often you saw each other, you thought living together would make everything easier. Besides, waking up next to him and coming home to him every evening did sound rather enticing, so you agreed.

Relocating all your belongings from where you had grown up to the far side of Inazuma was quite the challenge but of course, Scaramouche came to your rescue, lending a hand in sorting through your stuff and leaving behind what you didn't need anymore.

It was hard to find a new job. Every interview you attended ended up in you being turned down without a specific reason given, even though you more than met the required qualifications. After continuously being rejected you couldn't take it anymore as the venomous fangs of failure sank their teeth into you. Luckily, Scaramouche was there to catch you when you broke down.

“Shh, it's okay, little dove. Why don't you rest for a while and let me take care of you? Can't you see how all this stress is weighing you down? Let me handle everything while you recover, I promise I'll cover whatever you need, so don’t worry. Take all the time you need and then you can start looking again.” As he pressed his cold lips against your temple, you couldn’t help the shiver that ran down your spine. Somewhere in the back of your mind, the notion of Death marking its next victim had taken root while he securely held you in his arms, letting your falling tears stain the shirt clutched in between your hands. “You’re doing so well for me, I'm very proud of you, my love.”

Grasping the fact that you were unemployed and solely relying on your boyfriend’s, admittedly generous, income took a while. Up until now, you’d always stood on your own two feet, a philosophy your parents had instilled into you from a young age and something you had prided yourself on.

At first, it was hard facing yourself in the mirror, too ashamed of yourself and too afraid your mind would zero in on your every flaw to tear your confidence down even further. But whenever your eyes averted from your figure, two hands would wrap around your middle from behind, Scaramouche’s face appearing next to yours to whisper sweet words into your ear, saving you from shattering completely.

And frankly, your income couldn’t compare to his anyway, so you working would only be worth a drop in the bucket, if at all.

To keep yourself busy with all your new free time gained, you started working around the house, doing chores just to pass the time and distract you from your feelings of uselessness.

One of your greatest joys was going grocery shopping at the local market. With no new coworkers to speak of, it had been increasingly difficult finding a connection to the people. With the title of being a Harbinger’s partner, they were wary and kept their distance, a precautionary measure you couldn’t fault them for.

As you stopped by more often, however, their behaviour changed. The elderly lady selling vegetables started sharing recipes with you, the young pair from the flower shop were waving you over to catch up and the guy from the herb stand handed you free samples to try around with.

Finally, for the first time since moving here, you felt like you could become part of the community, so naturally you told Scara about it. What you didn’t notice was how his smile strained the more excited you grew.

"How long has this been going on for?” Even he couldn’t hide the venom lacing his words. “Remember, you have to tell me. Not telling me is just as bad as lying.”

“Wait, Scara, you aren’t upset with me, right? I just wanted to help out, you know.“

“Am I upset? Why? Should I be?“ The hairs in the back of your neck rose and your skin tingled as if someone had shot a bolt of electricity through you. It was like the ground around you broke away at his tone and you knew you had to tread carefully if you wanted to make it out of this safely.

“No, don’t be.“ You gingerly extend your arm as if not to scare a cautious animal and cupped his cheek. “I love you like I’ve never loved anyone else, you know that right?“

Leaning into your touch and trapping your hand under his own, his purple eyes zeroed in on you. “So you knew after all?“

You froze. “What?“ It was barely more than an exhale as your gut seemed to plummet. His grip on you tightened as you started squirming.

“Oh come on, you’re smarter than this. You knew I‘d get jealous and you told me anyway. Or maybe that is why you told me in the first place?“ Apparently your appalled face gave away how impossible the thought was to you because he merely sighed deeply before dropping your arm and turning to leave. “Whatever. It’s not like I care anyway.“

The silence he left behind that day left you stunned, weighing down on your chest and pressing the air out of your lungs only to be shattered by the sound of a plate smashing against the wall a few rooms over. Yet, despite flinching and despite the acidic sting in your eyes, the tears wouldn't fall.

In the wake of that incident, you desperately scrambled to make it up to him. There was no need to go to the market for groceries anymore, instead you found a basket with produce in the kitchen with no trace of the Fatui Agent who brought it. So, you devoted your time to cooking homemade meals and cleaning the house. Only to have your heart broken when Scaramouche picked at his plate with disinterest or had someone clear the decorations you had put up in careful consideration.

But he still loved you, he always reminded you. From showering you in expensive fabrics and jewellery to treating you to fancy dinners in high-class restaurants to sweet words of praise dripping from his lips like honey, making it hard for you to taste anything but their saccharine flavour. Of course he still loved you when he responded to your gratitude with “I would do anything to make you happy. I just want you to do the same for me.”

Maybe you were the one who wasn’t showing their affection enough. Otherwise, why would you feel this sharp stab of guilt piercing your heart whenever you refused him? How could you stay unmoved when his glassy violet eyes drooped as he mumbled “I guess you just don’t love me enough after all.”

And when you brought up an issue you wanted to discuss with him, his cold “I could just leave, you know” didn’t mean he actually would, he still loved you after all. Surely, he just had a bad day at work and needed some space. Your theory was cemented when Scaramouche sat you down one evening, expression unreadable as he took hold of your hands.

“Listen, little dove, something at work happened that I need you to know about. I’m telling you this for your own safety, okay?” You silently nodded at his genuinely concerned voice. Normally, he never told you anything about his work and completely shut you out if you asked about it, so you figured it must be pretty serious. “You understand that my job is dangerous, right? That shouldn't be news to you. And while I’m always very cautious to keep any kind of information about my personal life away from the Fatui, it seems that recently some of that information trickled down to our enemies through a mole.”

You didn't need to voice it, the anxiety sparked within you at his words apparent in your expression and Scaramouche gave your hands a reassuring squeeze as he continued with a softened tone.

“I'm sure you already figured out what kind of information has been leaked if I need to tell you. Yes, the enemy knows the location of this estate. It's unclear, however, if they know about you.” At that you couldn't help but clench your fingers into fists; enemies of the Fatui weren't to be taken lightly. “Don’t worry, I already made sure that traitor got what he deserved. Despite all of that, he wouldn't talk about the reason for giving up this particular intel, the working theory being that someone is after my life. Personally, I don't think you are their target; all the same…”

Pulling out a silver dagger, he handed the razor sharp weapon to you. Its handle felt like an icicle against the warmth of your palm and the weight of it seemed to sink into your gut rather than your arm. Certainly he wasn't asking you to…

“I want you to have this. If the situation calls for it, you need to be prepared to use it.”

“Scara, what is it that you want from me? I’m not like you, I can't just…” Lost for words, your currently empty hand was waving through the air trying to grasp the meaning of all of this.

Your lover reached forward and clasped his hands tightly around your shoulders, his stern gaze glued to your shaky one. “Your life or my life might depend on this, (Y/N), do you understand? If you really cared about me, you'd do what I'm asking.”

For the first time in a long time, you cried. Bitter tears seeping out of the corners of your eyes before starting to fall faster and faster and broken hiccups echoed around the room. The knife clattered noisily onto the floorboards as Scaramouche pulled you into his arms as you clutched onto his robes, gasping for air.

“Shh, shh, I understand, little dove. It's scary,” he soothed. “But you have to see my side of things too. If something happened to you, what would I do? You’re the most precious thing in the whole world to me, I can't lose you, ever. I promise you, we’ll be together forever, so don’t cry.”

You didn’t sleep well that night. Or any of the following for that matter. It was even worse when Scaramouche had to stay out on Fatui business, leaving you all alone in the estate. Even the agents you knew where stationed somewhere in the vicinity didn’t help quell your fears.

Had this really become your life? Waking up in cold sweat, thinking you heard a noise? Flinching at the curtains blowing in the night’s breeze? The dagger didn’t pacify your worries either. Instead, the wretched blade seemed to follow you into your dreams, cutting through the pleasantries to reveal subconscious terrors slumbering under your quiet surface.

It was one of those nights where you were startled awake by your own hammering heart and the sweat rolling off your temple, the other half the bed cold and empty. Just as you slid your legs from under the blanket in hopes that a glass of water would help you calm down, you heard a thud.

You wanted to play it off as your mind playing tricks on you, like every other night; that it was just the blood thumping through your ears that made you hear things. But then it was there again.

There was someone else in the house with you.

It couldn’t be the Fatui nor Scaramouche. They were better trained than this, stealthier than to make a sound twice. In the moonlit room, you groped for the cool metal under your pillow, shaky fingers wrapping around the handle. There was no way you could win against an enemy who’d go after a Harbinger in one-to-one combat, much less if you were outnumbered, so you hid in the shadows of your room.

The creaking of the floorboard grew closer and you tried to stifle your ragged breathing. Even when you wrapped both hands around the hilt, they were still trembling as you recalled what Scaramouche had drummed into your head… “Go for the throat”

You didn't dare inhale or exhale as the door slowly slid open and a shadowy figure stepped into the room. The person was wearing a straw kasa shielding most of their head from your view but, from what you could make out, it was a young man.

There was no time to think. In the few seconds he took to advance to the middle of the room, you lunged forward, driven mad by fear alone. Just before the sharp blade made contact with his skin, the man whirled around, startled by the noise. And then, merely a fraction later, the dagger was lodged to the hilt in his throat.

When he tried to speak, nothing but a gruesome gurgling sound left his mouth. From the proximity, you could finally see under the hat, just to meet familiar eyes. You staggered back, mortified. It was as if someone had punched out all the air from your lungs as realisation struck you.

How didn't you recognise him? You had seen him so often. If you had just taken a second longer to properly look at him, he wouldn't…

The person burbling unintelligible noises sounding too similar to the letters of your name was certainly not an enemy of the Fatui. No, he was a simple herb farmer, selling his products on the local market. And you…

…just killed an innocent man.

The dull thud of the knife hitting the floor barely registered as your knees gave out and you sacked downwards. Two cold hands wrapped under your arms and stopped you from joining the blood-slicked blade. You didn’t put up any resistance as you were pulled against an all too familiar chest, your body limp like a puppet with its strings cut as he lowered both of you to the ground slowly.

“Look at you. You’re a monster,” he cooed and you could feel his grin curl against the top of your head as he placed a frosty kiss there. “You just murdered an unarmed farmer, just like that. But it’s okay. I still love you.”

“No, I– I didn’t… I cant–” Guilt crushed your chest and wrangled your airways. You might as well have been the one with the slit vocal chords, judging by the lack of sound coming from you.

“Mhh, but you did, little dove.” Scaramouche’s soft hands were caressing the side of your face as he softly spoke to you. It took a few caresses for you to realise that his fingers were sticky and you forced yourself to focus on the scene in front of you. There was a pool of dark liquid slowly expanding from where the man's neck would be, the metallic smell filling the room, making you nauseous. You saw the knife lying next to the slumped over body. As in trance, you reached for it, anything to make the pain go away…

But Scaramouche was faster in pinning your arms back to your side “None of that, don’t be dumb. It wouldn't remedy what you already did.” When you sagged back against him and he was sure you wouldn't try taking the knife again, he let go of your arm. “Did you know? He was here to ‘save you’, isn't that funny?”

“...what?”

“I know, right? It's ridiculous,” he chuckled. “Apparently, the townsfolk were concerned about you when you stopped showing up at the market, so they waited for an opportunity where I wouldn't be home, those fools. But you made nice work of this idiot without my help. You did so well for me, love.”

“You… you knew about this?” You couldn't prevent the way your voice cracked from lack of energy. “But… the enemies of the Fatui… and the information that was… you said that… I thought..”

“Hm? Oh, that? I told you, didn’t I? We took care of them a couple of days ago. I definitely told you, little dove; you were so relieved when you heard the news. You didn't forget, did you?”

Did he tell you? You couldn’t remember; surely you would, if he had told you something so important. The Fatui, however, were notorious for dealing with their problems quickly, so it was possible this had been resolved so swiftly. No, you'd definitely remember…

You were ripped out of your thoughts when something warm touched your bare foot. Violently jerking your leg towards yourself as vermillion smeared across the wooden floor. Suddenly, it wasn’t just your lungs caving into themselves but also your stomach being compressed into a fraction of its size. Flopping onto your side you pulled yourself up onto shaky arms and knees as acid burned your throat and your body tried to rid itself of nonexistent content.

Throughout all of it, Scaramouche lovingly ran his hand up and down the length of your spine, cooing at you to soothe your nerves, all the while praising you for doing so well. When you stopped throwing up for the moment, he gently lifted you up and brought you to the bathroom and helped you wash up. Frankly, he did most of the work, whereas you merely stood there, watching your reflection in the mirror.

This was the baseline behaviour for the next few weeks as you processed what you had done. Naturally, by the time you exited the bathroom that night, there was no body or crimson trace left of what had transpired there. Nobody would know, except you, Scaramouche and the Fatui agents under his command. Although, the guilt and shame within you remained, most possibly until the day you died. He was right, you were a monster.

But underneath all the easily-accepted self-loathing, another sensation reared its ugly head. Denial spilled into the numbness and slowly warped into scepticism. And it culminated the morning you looked at yourself in the mirror. What had your life become? When did it all go wrong?

Quietly, meant for nobody but the reflection on the polished surface but with the force to shake you awake, you mumbled a long overdue question: “What's wrong with me?”

However as you turned the situation over and over in your mind, there was only one answer. It was him, it all started with him. Your life was good before him. You weren't the problem here; you weren't the monster in this house. And there was only one solution to your problems.

“I can't do this anymore.”

“What?!” It was pure fury, the way he sliced the air with that single word. “You’re kidding, right? Well, it's not funny, so cut the crap, (Y/n).”

“I’m not. We’re done, Scaramouche.” It took every ounce of willpower for your voice to remain composed and unwavering. But you had made your decision and you wouldn't let him charm you into your downfall again. “I'm leaving. Don't follow me.”

“Have you completely lost your mind? You killed a person, remember? You should be grateful I’m willing to stick by your side; who else would love a freak like you? And that’s given the chance you’re even allowed to walk free.” The sneer was contorting his face into an ugly grimace and in the back of your head you wondered if those were the true colours you were just too blind to see all of this time. “You do realise, my position is the only thing keeping you from prison and poverty and homelessness. You need me. You owe me.”

“I don’t owe you anything for ruining my life,“ you spat, thoroughly done with him manipulating the narrative. It felt good to finally stand your ground and argue with your own agency in mind, no matter how terrifying it might be. Turning on your heel you marched straight to the front door, belongings in hand. Before you could make it there, however, a hand wrapped tightly around your wrist, spinning you around forcibly.

“You don't want to do this, little dove, trust me. You don’t know what I'll do if you dare leave me,” he gritted out. “I told you, we will be together forever.”

Merely raising an eyebrow as you held his stare you noted, “What you do no longer concerns me.” And so, you took the first steps to your regained freedom.

It had taken months of gentle caring to nurture the wilted shell in your chest back into a living sapling, hopefully strong enough to fill the empty void where your heart had been carved out.

It had taken years of genuine reassurance for your friends, who readily took you in again, to finally be fully let back into your life as you slowly broke down the high walls you had erected to keep the tiny sprout safe.

Finally, the lively breeze that had carried you from adventure to adventure before had returned to ruffle your rusty wings once more and you were ready to rejoin the path you used to walk on.

So when you were waiting for your friend to pick you up and you excitedly answered the knock on your door, the dreaded amethyst staring back at you made you stagger back, the bouquet of crimson dendrobiums tearing open scars you thought had healed.

“Hello, little dove. You seem surprised to see me.” Every nerve in your body was screaming at you to run, far far away, put as much distance between you and the person you had once called your lover. But the weight in your stomach was dragging you down and you could only stare with wide eyes as you were once again pulled under and into your own demise.

“I came back for you. I promised I would.”

tag list: @mccnstruck @silentmoths @teyvattales @ainescribe

#holly´s potions #farewell-love #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact angst #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche angst #scaramouche genshin impact #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact imagines #genshin x reader #genshin angst #genshin headcanons #genshin scenarios #genshin imagines #yandere au #yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin au

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dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night · 8 months

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Eden part twenty

TW: meta setting, stalking, Stockholm Syndrome, emotional self harm, bad coping mechanisms, referenced gore, pet whumpee, referenced multiple whumpees, referenced creepy/intimate whumper

Note: I'm name dropping a few of my pet whump writing friends' blogs, hope that's okay ♡♡♡

Ezra couldn't find any record of "Christopher Kotev" on the internet, despite his best efforts. Two search results seemed promising, but turned out to be for a man who had died in the eighties and a kid born in two-thousand-ten.

He didn't know Christopher's exact date of birth, which would have been helpful, but knew he went to high school in the eighties. He also didn't know which high school. Or his parents' first names. Or if he was even spelling 'Kotev' correctly for Google to use.

Fucking hell. How much effort had Christopher put into stalking Ezra? Had he really cared enough to go through all this frustration, or had his stalking been purely offline? Somehow Ezra had expected stalking to be as easy as television shows like You made it look. But apparently TV could be wrong. Who knew?

He realized that he would have to do some… physical searching. Asking around town. Stopping by places Christopher might frequent. Possibly checking public records. The only problem was that he was a gen-z kid who had no idea how to go about doing any of that.

So instead, he took a somewhat counter intuitive approach, looking up anything to do with keeping people as pets, trying to see if there was some niche history of it. He filtered out the kink results, because they were very much not what he wanted to see, and was left with several Tumblr links.

This was odd, of course. Since Tumblr never had anything of actual value on it, aside from people who liked to compliment Ezra's art. But he still clicked on a few of the links, curious as to what could be behind them.

Before actually checking the posts, he made a short post on his main blog explaining his month long absence. It was brief, and he had seen far weirder absence notes from his mutuals. Now for what he had actually clicked on Tumblr for.

He found an odd corner of the whump community he had never seen before. He mostly stuck to drawing lab whump on his mad science themed sideblog, and had never heard anyone in his insular bubble of mutuals mention "pet whump".

It was exactly what it sounded like, and his stomach turned at some of the depraved content suddenly on the screen. The violence itself didn't bothered him. After taking care of Jay, he was beyond feeling repulsed by blood and gore. Pixels on a screen couldn't compare to what they really went through.

What really bothered him was how close to home it was. So much of it reminded him of his experiences, especially taking care of Jay. He continued scrolling hrough the pet whump tag, trying to find some semblance of comfort.

Not in the mood to read long form stories, he scrolled on past them. A few short stories captivated him, though none of them came close to his reality. Keeping human pets was a surprisingly popular fictional concept on Tumblr, judging by how deep the tag went.

The BBU didn't interest him in the slightest, having nothing to do with his experiences. And nsfwhump posts were as repulsive as anything regarding sex always was. So he blocked the tags, something he was well practiced with after years on Tumblr, and continued to browse.

He followed a few blogs he liked the looks of, to check them out more thoroughly later. @/a-crumb-of-whump @/skittles-the-whumpee, @/pumpkin-anon, and @/sethwhumps, among others. They were all clearly fictional, unlike him, but he was very used to using fiction as a coping mechanism.

Tips for "recovering pet whumpees" stood out, but weren't particularly helpful. Most of them had to do with the trauma of being treated like an actual animal, forced to wear a collar or muzzle and put through other horrors he hadn't been. It was just as well that they weren't helpful, since he didn't really trust Tumblr's idea of mental health advice.

The posts about "caretaking" and the comfort portion of hurt/comfort didn't appeal to him nearly as much as the actual whump. This had always been true, and he had the hurt/no comfort fanfics bookmarked on AO3 to prove it.

But it was a much harder thing to grapple with when it was his reality, instead of some story set on a spaceship or in a fantasy land far far away from twenty-first century earth.

It was only when he got to posts on pet whumpees with Stockholm Syndrome that he found himself truly invested. These weren't violent art pieces and writing prompts that vaguely reminded him of Jay. No, these were about him. A week ago he would joked about Stockholm Syndrome being a cure for depression, and Christopher would have ruffled his hair in response. Now it seemed a matter just short of life and death.

□ Whumpee convincing themself that they love Whumper and being a pet is for the best >>>>>>>>

□ just love affection as a manipulative tactic… it's so much better than torture. why break whumpee with violence when you can kill them with kindness?

□ I need more of whumpees who choose whumper over caretaker because of conditioning. The more self destructive, the better.

□ Whumpees who can't remember anything good about their lives before Whumper entered the picture. End post.

□ emotional chains > physical chains

□ my greatest love is pet whumpees who arent tortured or beaten. theyre treated like beloved dogs instead. all their needs met with plenty of affection to spare. why do they even need to escape? whumper may have kidnapped them, but theyre still so wonderful…

Reading all of these surely counted as emotional self harm, but Ezra couldn't stop himself. He reblogged quite a few of them to his whump side blog so he could use them to induce another narcissistic crash tomorrow.

Though he usually liked hiding little comments and notes in the tags of posts, he didn't trust himself not to start trauma dumping on random horror writers in his current state. Maybe he'd get around to showing his support for their writing tomorrow.

Part of him wanted to make a few vent posts over sharing about being kidnapped, but the stronger part hated the idea of his emotions being perceived. He felt as vulnerable as a man with all his skin peeled off, and talking to someone would be like throwing himself into lemon juice.

He curled up in bed and hid himself under the covers. Pulling the blankets over his face always made him feel like he was being smothered, but satiated the cravings for privacy he couldn't afford.

The only thing that drew him out for a brief minute was his need for water. He decided the month old water bottle on his floor was probably safe to drink, even if it tasted weird.

Back under the covers he went, tormented by the knowledge that he would sell his soul for a hug. He bit his hoodie sleeve, not wanting his roommates to hear him crying. Especially not Shelly. He was quite certain that her empathetic attention would only make matters worse.

Despite the pain sparked by Tumblr, he longed for Christopher's company. Stockholm Syndrome was only unpleasant after you escaped, not during the captivity.

Taglist: @hugh-lauries-bald-spot @thedarkmongoose @whumpsday @whump-by-robin @kira-the-whump-enthusiast @annablogsposts @whumpshaped @seetheothersideofparadise @knittedeyebrowsandcardigans @whatwasmyprevioususername @boonasaurusrex @suspicious-whumping-egg @heavenlyeden @melancholy-in-the-morning @snakebites-and-ink @suck-my-clit-loser @i-eat-worlds @scp-1296 @chiswhumpcorner @skittles-the-whumpee @whumpkinz @dokidokisadness @enbygesserit @canislycaon24 @be-gay-do-crime-ahaha @a-crumb-of-whump @pixelated-whump

#Abraham original: Hot off the press #whump #Eden #Pet whump #Meta whump #Whump writing #Whump series #Stockholm Syndrome whump #Angst

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googoobabajogwick · 1 year

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Hot Knife chpt.1

description: Trained as children at the Roma Ruska together to be partners, you and Jardani were bound to live a wild life together, just not in ways you’d expect.

What happens when after sixteen years of dating you break up and ten years after that Jardani, or should you say John, finds you and comes back with the one thing that still tied you to him.

Your marker.

triggers: Only putting major triggers such as; Lots of misogyny, talks of sex trafficking, trauma from sexual assault, smut and unhealthy coping mechanisms like drinking and drugs the reader is a bit unhinged. This chapter includes smut and talks of sexual assault and trafficking nothing too graphic. Lots of trauma

If ur watching the John Wick movies imma go ahead and assume you can handle what other stuff I have in here.

word count: 7k

mini authors note: this didn't at first contain spoilers but now it does but the only major spoilers from the movie aren't till later in the story like chapters 9 and 10. I posted this on my Ao3 (and tumblr but I didn’t rly try) up to chapter 8 but it’s on a mini hiatus bc I'm rewriting every chapter bc I'm crazy like that. Feel free to go read those but I will be reuploading the new chapters when I have them all done. Y’all get first peak…

--->

Chapter one: Hot Knife

You sat at the edge of your bed watching a violent movie where the woman was currently fighting back and winning. It brought a smile to your face. These types of movies always gave you different types of ideas to use when you were sent out on missions. Plus movies were the only thing keeping you preoccupied at the moment.

The Director had you confined to your room for “starting” a fight with one of her other students at the Ruska Roma. You were always getting in trouble but it's not your fault you're better than everyone else. It's also not your fault people are annoying and like to try you. That was just stupidity on their part.

You had been trained alongside the infamous Jardani Jovonovich, which meant you had just as much training as he did. On top of that you studied medicine from a young age with some guy appointed to you by The Director and were considered somewhat of a genius, so some may even say you were better than Jardani, but you had still only beaten him once in what was just supposed to be a sparring match.

A loud sigh escaped your lips as you took a bite of your sandwich. The woman in the movie had died, typical of these movies. You wished Jardani would finish his stupid hit so he could entertain you. It should be any day now that he’d come home. You might even go as far as to say you missed him…

Your relationship was complicated. More on your end. Jardani’s wishes were very clear. He wanted to be with you. Of course you wanted to be with him… Maybe? Like you did but something in your head kept telling you no; That things would not work out, he’d get annoyed with you… Scared of you even…

That one made you laugh. The idea of scaring a man like him would make anyone who knew him laugh. Jardani had gotten to the point where he liked to act in private, like you two are dating even though you’re not. He cuddles with you, makes out with you all the time, calls you when he’s away to ask how your day has been. Sometimes multiple times a day. It gets people mad because he’s using up the direct line and others have calls to make!

The two of you have long, deep talks with one another, go out together, hell the two of you have photos of the both of you framed and up on the walls of your room. He’ll tell people he has to ask you before he does anything and you’ll say the same about him, this leaves everyone rolling their eyes. All Jardani wants is you and anything you’ll give him. He wanted to walk around holding hands and kissing you when he felt the urge, even in public, but you were scared. Scared deep down you’d hurt him.

When you beat him it was a couple weeks after the most horrible experience of your life. People don’t realize how much shit you get as a woman for being one of the only ones who was not subjected to being a ballerina, learning the graceful ways of murder rather than the brute force the men did. Also the title of the future second most talented and master assassin going to a woman didn’t sit well with the men. You just didn't belong anywhere you felt.

The girls and women there sneered at you and the boys and men mocked and belittled you. You tried to be nice, but you’d never let anyone walk all over you. Many tried to harass but many ended up getting some bones broken, except one boy, his name was Vladimir. It came out of nowhere, a whole plan created right under your nose.

You were smart and for him to trick you and Jardani with such ease, you’ll never know how he did. Your whole life you were taught not to trust anyone, the one person you knew you could trust was your partner. No matter what anyone told you, you’d always blame yourself for that time even though as a girl you were always a potential target for that kind of hate.

There were multiple men there, they said, though you only remembered one. It was a blitz attack they said. Five months you’d been gone they said. It was a betrayal they hadn’t seen coming, they said. They’re sorry they said but you couldn’t hear them. You continued to stare out the window, dissociated, hoping to never feel again. The leaves blew and whirled around in the breeze. You wished you could feel as free as them. Your forehead pressed against the cool glass in the infirmary.

It was supposed to be an easy and simple hit.

Any progress Jardani thought you two had made as partners felt as though it had been erased. He saw the pain in your eyes, the unshed tears as you pretended you were somewhere far, far away. Five months ago you’d be making fun of him for being so worried, five months ago you were starting to open up to him. Five months, five months, five fucking months.

He should have saved you sooner, in fact you should have never even been taken. The betrayal of Vladimir was rough. Nobody had seen it coming and Jardani beat himself up everyday for it. The nightmares of bright blue eyes were taking a toll on you. All your feistiness, all your grandiose nonsense, he’d give anything for you to smack him upside the head or call him an idiot again.

Instead you were a shell. For the first time he saw a fifteen year old little girl. Someone who didn’t belong in all this nonsense, the girl you always tried to hide. Jardani was the only male you allowed anywhere near you. He was patient though, sitting at the end of your bed every night to make sure when your inevitable screams would come it was his face you’d wake up too and not a needle to sedate you.

He made you feel safe. Even in your most vulnerable; Clothes ripped up, hair matted, malnourished, beaten, bleeding and violated. You never understood how he made you feel this way. As you stood in the corner of that cold, horrible room, Jardani’s eyes seemed so familiar, you knew that no matter what he’d never hurt you, and he never did.

Jardani killed him. Vladimir. He beat him to death, in front of you with his bare hands, making sure that the older boy suffered but the others got away. Without any names though every lead fell dead. You refused to give him names but not because you didn’t want him to kill them, but because you didn’t want to think about it.

You had so many cuts and bruises when he found you cowering in the corner with a knife in your hand. When he asked, you told him you got it off Vladimir during all the commotion— in which you found out was him and other people from the Roma Ruska killing everyone— The now dead student had cut a ‘V’ into your shoulder leaving a scar as a forever reminder of the violation and dignity you lost.

Stuck with physical and invisible scars as strong reminders of your trauma it was no surprise your first day back to training was not good and it was the only time you've ever beaten Jardani. He had always been stronger than you in strength and more talented. Once you’d even compared the both of you to Mozart and Beethoven.

Where one was a natural prodigy the other had their talents forced onto them when they were young by their father. Jardani laughed at that and proceeded to call you Beethoven for a month. He was an expert at fighting even at sixteen, skilled and experienced. You learned how to fight from your father but even he wasn’t an expert but he did teach you how to get your way.

The Russian Hunter.

That’s what the media called him and it wasn’t even true. Your father was a proud Ukrainian and hated being called Russian. He owned the house when he moved to America with you at five years old and your mother. The small cabin-like house sat on a huge one hundred thirty acre piece of land. You and your father used to go hunting and camping together in the woods. It was how you bonded.

The two of you were so close and you knew he loved you. By the time the New York Police discovered he was literally hunting people deep into the forest, you had known but didn’t know what to do. Everything told you to call the police but you were twelve and he was your papa. Your mother had always wanted a son. You’d never think a father who liked to hunt and was so stereotypically masculine was happy to have a daughter.

He taught you how to shoot a gun, hunt, skin a buck, survive in the wild and off the grid, to slaughter animals— which helped you learn to kill people quite easily, it was almost the same thing— and to fight. Everyday, he’d make you practice since the day you could walk it felt. All the time when you’d mess up or get hurt he’d tell you,

“You have to toughen up and learn how to protect yourself, my little sun.” He would speak in Ukrainian while grabbing your face and staring deep into your eyes that looked so much like your mothers.

“There are evil people in this world, specifically men. As a girl you will someday become a woman. Many will think you’re weak but that’s not true because you’re my daughter.”

Little did you know, he was one of those evil men. He was strict but loving towards you. Everyone always told you that you looked just like him. People also told you that your personality matched your Belarusian mothers. Miserable, cold and liked to suppress feelings. Your parents almost seemed so formal with each other. In fact you didn’t even know your parents loved each other until one night you found them dancing and smiling.

Yet you didn’t blame them, having grown up in the U.S.S.R and surviving a famine, they were taught to be cold at a young age. That moment stayed in your memory forever; your mothers smile and your father’s laughter when someone would mess up. It’s the reason you loved to dance, even if it was by yourself.

As much as your mother made your life hell— pushing her insecurities onto you and never giving you the nurture you needed— you still loved her and missed her too. Your father gave you the love you needed as a child even with all the trauma of finding him stabbing a man in the woods when you explored a little farther than normal.

Oh and watching him and your mother be shot by the police when he pulled a gun out and she drove in front of him.

She knew as well as you but times were different. It was 1976 and she felt it was her duty as his wife to stay silent, which ultimately led to her death though she had not physically harmed anyone. At twelve years old you could never imagine loving someone that much.

The lead detective on the case took you under his wing for a little bit before confessing to you that he found you to be a very demanding, morbid little girl. He talked to some people who went to The Director. She made you fight a male student of hers when she saw how you overpowered the female student.

It wasn’t that big she was weak, you demolished him as well, your fighting was just… Different. Animalistic, brutal, and terrifying. You liked to bite, play dirty and go a little overboard. She knew with her training, you would be perfect, possibly one of the best. The Director also knew a current student who seemed to be heading in the same direction. What a partnership the two of you would make…

With that she took you into her care.

When you showed up to practice you were on edge. You had a bad morning. The nightmare you had last night left you feeling sick but The Director said it was time to move on. Life is suffering, she used to say. Not the warmest woman on earth. You walked into the training room and heard Jardani arguing with her. They didn’t hear you at first.

You could always sneak around and hide in the shadows. Growing up, you would always eavesdrop on important conversations and then you’d run back and tell Jardani everything. He was your best friend and it was fun to talk about the drama together. It was often you’d hear a,

“Y/N, get out from behind there this second!”,

And a smack across the cheek.

They stopped talking when you made your presence known but you knew they were talking about you. He looked at you with sadness in his eyes and you just shrugged your shoulders. With a sigh he joined you on the mat and prepared to spar with you. He went easy on you until you heard something.

You don’t even remember what was said, but after a couple of soft swings and light pushes you almost just felt as though the goddess Athena had entered you, you felt the anger and screams of so many scorned and abused women in the past and present coursing through your blood, but even worse, you saw your partner as him.

You let out a heartbreaking scream and charged at him. He was able to dodge and get a few hits in but you caught him off guard, not expecting an actual fight. Once he was on the ground all you remember was sobbing, screaming and his blood all over your hands as multiple people pried you off of him. You had to be sedated as you screamed and screamed and screamed.

His arm had been broken, his nose and you almost blinded him in one eye. You got quite the scolding from The Director before you were allowed to see him again. She wanted you nowhere near him but that wouldn’t stop you. You’d change his bandages, wash him with a washcloth and while he was passed out you sobbed by his bed.

You asked yourself how you could do this to the one boy— let alone person— you felt safe with. The one boy who made your heart flutter in ways you've never felt before, you couldn’t describe it to anyone, certainly not Jardani himself. Who protected you and made you feel like you could forget everything. All the pain.

When he could get up and do things himself you locked yourself away in your room refusing to eat or speak for days. Until he himself came into your room and hugged you, telling you that you were pretty fucking scary but hes okay and you will be too. Jardani was more worried about your mental state. He told The Director it was too soon but she waved him off.

That night he kissed you. It wasn’t the first time you kissed but it felt different. No kiss had ever compared, the closet thing that could come wouldn’t be for years and that would be exchanging each other's markers. The traumatic event made you not feel anything anymore. Not anything good at least and definitely not trust.

But that kiss, despite the fact you flinched away, felt soft and nice. So nice in fact you couldn’t get enough. When he left to go get you something to eat you couldn’t help but let your fingertips brush against your lips. You wanted him to come back and do it again and again. It was nothing like how Vladimir or the other men would kiss you. He could never hurt you, not like they had, that was a fact in your own mind.

Although things had never been official, you would always sneak into his bed and cuddle with Jardani at night. It stopped your nightmares. This wasn’t so out of the ordinary but when it became constant, it became a problem. The Director was not too fond of this relationship. She tried separating you two but then you both started acting out, to make up for it she started sending you both out on missions alone.

She thought you would get in his way, that your love would be too suffocating for him. All her hard work flushed down the drain because of a girl. That made you laugh because years later, now at nineteen it would seem to anyone that he liked you and you just… Weren't all that interested but they also didn’t see the two of you in private either.

You liked being brutal and you liked being scary and you liked gore and would even most likely be diagnosed as a psychopath, it did run in the family, where you could still see the humanity in Jardani no matter how much he liked to try and play it off. You could only feel sympathy for the women and girls.

Everyone here was an orphan, everyone here had a backstory and the girls were treated horribly. You experienced it yourself and it wasn’t fun. The pain and no free will. Having to practice over and over till you fall over exhausted. Just to get right back up and do it again.

A lot of other students would mock you two whether it was because they wanted to see it happen or because they were jealous. Jardani was hot, there was no doubt about that and you were too but that didn’t stop people from treating you like shit. They either wanted to be with you or they hated you. So you liked to be alone.

To you it felt like one of those high school based movies you’d watched with him a couple times. People respected Jardani so most of the jokes or remarks fell on you. They were scared of you but that didn’t mean they didn’t like to get underneath your skin. They pissed you off but you learned to deal with it. The students were good but you were better so at the end of the day, it didn’t matter. Plus, you were his partner, so who really won?

With a bottle of coke in one hand dangling off the bed while the other held onto your half eaten sandwich, you heard a knock. Your head whipped around to look at the door. You dropped the bottle and threw the sandwich in your garbage bin a large smile, knowing exactly who it was. Jardani always announced himself before he walked in, it made your heart go crazy because it was his room too.

As soon as you saw his short shaggy hair that was getting quite long and his iconic facial hair you paused the movie. He always sorta looked like a puppy to you, well, at least when he looked at you or The Director was scolding him. Jardani was supporting a nasty bruise on the side of his face.

“Aww my pet is back and he seems to be hurt..” You caressed the side of his face

He rolled his eyes before pulling you into an embrace.

“I missed you, my Athena.” He breathed in the scent of your hair.

You let yourself fall into the hug. Everyone who asked got the same exact answer. The scary assassin was being used for sex. You’d even tell Jardani to his face that if you could marry his cock you’d have no use for him himself, but thankfully he had a pretty face too. And you guess he had a pretty charming personality.

You could never love someone though, you tell him you aren’t faithful to him, that you have men lining up to be with you, that he is disposable and he puts up with it. Even when you accuse him of seeing other women or just wanting sex like most men. You verbally abuse him trying to push him away and yet he stays.

The two of you fuck, cuddle, go out in public together, spend all your time together but won’t put a label on it. This caused a lot of issues. Like arguments that would be fixed with a simple promise and label. Although you know at this point he knows you’re a liar— that you don’t talk to anyone else—he doesn’t need to know that… you know he knows. So many small lies.

Lies that he’s not constantly on your mind and just how badly you want and yearn for the security of knowing he is yours forever and only. Life had taught you that nothing was secure and nothing was forever and that you didn’t feel good enough for him. But nobody would ever hear those thoughts ever. Or so you thought.

“Heard you were grounded.” A laugh left his mouth. “What did you do this time?” He asked.

“It was just some of the others. Guess they didn’t like the look I had on my face.”

“I’ll make them regret saying anything to you.” Jardani kissed your forehead while you scoffed.

“Oh don’t worry I already did that.” You giggled.

He smiled at you while squeezing your hips before leaning toward you for a kiss. His hands came up to hold the sides of your face, his thumb rubbing your cheekbone. After such a long time away you knew what he wanted and got straight to the point, like you always did, your hand traveled down to his belt. Your hands toyed with the buckle.

“They fucked up your beautiful face, don't tell me they hurt your best asset though, right?”

Jardani shook his head no with a slight smirk before pushing you down on the bed. His lips connected with yours in a passionate make out session that said ‘I missed you, I wanted you’. Your hands threaded through his hair but you couldn't help but press on the nasty bruise that was on the side of his face. He winced but moaned before moving one of his hands to shove down your pants. His fingers immediately circled your clit causing you to thrust up, groan and pull away.

“Are you going to pleasure your Goddess, Dani? I know you want my pussy.” You said in a lustful way.

“Fuck yes, yes.” He pulled off your pants and underwear before kneeling in front of the bed.

The black haired man started by trailing wet and sloppy kisses all the way from your ankle to your hip, the inside of your thigh to the outside, then he turned and did it to the other leg, all while thanking you for letting him touch you this way. He knows you hide the fact that you’ve never ever let a man touch you like this and in return he's sure to try and let you know he’s never touched or even wanted to touch another woman since the first time you’ve had sex.

Jardani always knew how to make you feel like you were melting. Like a liquid that would seep into the mattress of happiness and bliss. You'd go as far as to say he made you feel nice. But the niceness only lasted for so long. Your hand shot up to his head to keep that distance between the two of you. You felt guarded, you grabbed a fist full of his hair and yanked so he looked up at you. The two of you looked deep into each other’s eyes and you could see the love in his and he could see the cold in yours.

“You’re my John Doe tonight. Unidentifiable, nobody.” It was morbid but it had become a nickname of yours for him.

As he always did he just smirked at you before saying,

“I have served, and will be of service”

Usually he’d kiss every inch of your body but he couldn’t wait. He leaned down to suck on your clit. The minute his lips wrapped around your sensitive nub, you threw your head back. God, he had been gone for so long. Too long… Your hands worked just fine but almost nothing beat having your pussy devoured by the most attractive man you’ve ever met.

His tongue swirled around your clitorous before he brought his hand up to slip a finger in. Much thicker than yours plus with the angle he was at he could easily rub your g-spot. He could feel that it had swelled and continued to rub it. At this point you were thrashing around, gripping onto his hair and pushing him harder against your pussy. There was no doubt you’d be getting reprimanded later, you had always been loud when it came to him.

What was to be done though? You weren’t allowed to go out somewhere private and he had been gone so long. You could have left and rented a hotel to “celebrate” his return… It’s not your fault, so they must hear the noises of your wonderful and amazing fornication. You hoped they were jealous and disgusted.

You rolled your eyes in your mind thinking about how even as an adult you were confined to your room. Soon you and Jardani would move out. The two of you had been talking about it recently since you were almost twenty, it was time to move on and get the fuck out of the Roma Ruska. Be independent, take hits when you both want to and fuck everywhere.

He did mention that he considered joining the military to train under Marcus. A man he had met and formed a bit of a mentor ship with over the last few months. His friend was nice and very charming. You enjoyed his company but hated that he was trying to take your Jardani away from you. It scared you, you knew he could be gone for long, extended periods of time.

You didn’t like to be away from him, you always felt so lonely…

However you were pulled out of those thoughts by Jardani flattening his tongue as he looked straight into your eyes and shook his head like a dog. You felt like you almost crushed his head and killed him with how hard you wrapped your thighs around his head. Your hips bucked in wild motions as you squirmed, your back arching off the mattress and his arm came up to hold your hips to the bed. While his fingers rubbed your g-spot over and over.

“I missed your taste, come on my fingers and tongue, please beautiful.” He gasped out while he tried to catch his breath and his fingers pumped in and out of you.

Diving right back in, he moaned at you pulling his hair, hard. The vibrations were like heaven on your clit. A hard, loud grunt mixed with moan like noise left your throat. Never before had you ever made a noise like that but Jardani was good at doing that. You held his head in a headlock with your legs as you humped his face, taking as much pleasure as you could get from his fingers and tongue.

You released him and got up while panting. He was out of breath as well but smiled up at you as he licked his lips and then whipped his cheeks.

“God I’m addicted to your taste baby.” His face was covered in your wetness and it made you laugh.

You also laughed at his tight and uncomfortable looking pants. Your hand came and rubbed him through the strained fabric. Jardani closed his eyes and sighed, bucking up into your light touch. He needed you but you were evil. One more time. You’d tease him one more time. You palmed his hard cock and made out with him, swirling your tongue around his, tasting yourself.

With a nibble to his bottom lip causing him to grunt you pulled back.

“Fuck I need that again. Lay on the bed John. Now.” You commanded him.

Jardani didn’t even have time to lay on the bed before you shoved him down and crawled on top of him. You kneeled above his neck looking down at him and bit your lip. He looked delicious. Sweaty, his pupils dilated while looking up at you and panting as he waited for you to speak. Waited for you to order him what to do. You gave him a soft kiss and an even softer peck on the side of his face where his bruise lied.

“I’m going to sit on your face, John and you're going to eat me like you haven’t eaten in months.” You held him up by his hair and then let his head fall back onto the pillow.

Not like it would be hard, it had been months since he last tasted your perfect cunt. Your pussy was wet and it almost dripped onto his face but just in time you sat right on top of his mouth, leaving his nose uncovered so he could breathe. Jardani’s large hands came up to knead your behind as he tongue fucked you. The man tried to get the wet muscle as deep as he could.

He always called you his Goddess and it was times like these when believed it to be true. Your taste was addicting and the power he could feel coursing through you as you sat on him, using him like an object. He would be yours and yours forever. If Gods and Goddesses existed then he existed to serve and please you.

“What do you think the other students would say? If they saw you like this, hm?” You threw your head back.

His response was muffled but you didn’t care what he had to say.

“If they saw their perfect, big and bad assassin underneath my pussy.” The lustful laugh that left you was cut short by a groan.

His tongue went back and forth from licking your clit to fucking you the best he could. You leaned back and began to palm his hard cock through the dress pants causing him to moan. The vibration on your sensitive nub caused you to begin riding his face and before you knew it you were cumming again and cumming hard.

The noise that you made almost made cum in his pants but he just held his breath and wrapped his arms around your thighs to keep you on his face while you used him to ride out your orgasm. Intoxicated by pleasure, with wobbly legs you jumped off the bed and with very aggressive manners started to undo his belt buckle.

“Get these fucking pants off right now.” You felt like a sex crazed maniac at the time and maybe it was because it had been so long but you didn’t care.

When you pulled his boxers down his cock sprung up. Precum dribbled down the side of his dick and you couldn’t help but lean down and have a taste for yourself. The appendage twitched and you laughed. Sucking on the tip, Jardani hissed and grabbed the sheet of the mattress. It was a salty but a familiar, intimate taste.

Climbing back on top of him you grabbed his cheeks with one hand. He winced once again. You dragged the tip of his cock through the folds of your soaked pussy. After two orgasms you were sensitive but so ready to finally be with him again. You really did miss him, a lot.

“You see Johnny, I was going to make you go finish yourself in the bathroom, but like I’ve always said, your cock is just too irresistible.” You always got dirty during sex but something felt different this time.

“Do you think you deserve my pussy? Do you want to put your cock into my warm pussy? Tell me.” The grin you gave him was evil as you ground down against his hard cock.

“Yes, please, I know I am nothing but a John Doe to you but please, I serve and worship you forever.” He was breathless.

Only you could ever get Jardani to beg for anything.

“Forever? Just me?” You questioned and he looked deep into your eyes.

“Yes. Just you. Forever.” He whispered.

Without warning you sat on his cock. This time he let out a loud strangled moan as he tried to stop himself from thrusting up into you, wanting to be as deep in you as possible. It didn’t matter anyways because you planted your knees on the mattress and started bouncing up and down, riding his dick. His hands came up to help you as he watched your face.

You were in total bliss. Your head was thrown back as your nails dug into his chest leaving little crescent shaped indents there. A surge of pride ran through his chest as you showed him that it was him who was allowed to do this and see you. The woman who barely talked to anyone and when she did it was usually to say something so blunt or tell someone to fuck off because she was awkward and cold.

The woman he felt knew him better than anyone. The one he grew up with. His first and only real crush. How she didn’t care about what others thought. She didn’t shave, she dressed how she wanted and wore the same clothes, usually his, constantly, you weren’t afraid of others opinion.

There was just something ethereal about you, even when he’d walk into your shared room and find you sitting on the toilet with the door wide open and a beer in your hand. He loved you and he’s known that since the first time you were introduced and you called him a swine and expected to be pampered by him. When he didn’t at first you just ignored him, but he caved. Too curious to get to know you and he’s glad he did. Life didn’t feel so lonely.

Your hands ripping his shirt open and off snapped him out of his thoughts this time as the buttons flew everywhere. You started to roll your hips while you began to bite, suck and lick hickies all over his chest that was glistened with sweat. Jardani was not a loud man, not at all, but you could get him to sing. The moans, groans and grunts that left his mouth were like music to your ears.

You tapped his face gently making him look you straight into your eyes. As you knew his entire focus was on you, you began to roll your hips in a way that spelt your name. Your way of claiming him, it was your pussy that was fucking him stupid. You giggled when you saw the look of awe in his face and then bent down to swirl your tongue around his nipple.

Jardani didn’t know how much longer he could hold out, especially after months away, months of fantasizing about this moment. He couldn’t help it, he brought one hand to pull you into a kiss while the other rubbed your still very sensitive clit. You cried into his mouth as he started to thrust up hard. His cock kept hitting your g-spot over and over, you knew you were going to cum again soon.

His hand held the back of your head as he rested his forehead against yours. He watched your face as you almost couldn’t keep your eyes open. You reached around to fondle his balls and he groaned out. Then the pressure grew and grew and grew. It kept growing and you knew it was your approaching orgasm but something felt different… Like you should’ve used the bathroom before you fucked but it was too late to say anything.

“Holy fuck, I’m going to cum again baby!” You cried out feeling the familiar tightness in your lower tummy, “Cum in me Dani, I want it in me.”

You hadn’t even noticed the slip up or that you were twitching against Jardani’s chest, his hand no longer in your hair but holding down your hips. Your vision went white as howl like sounds came from your vocal cords. He was in awe. You were perfect to him as you came undone on his cock. Everything was wet and you almost felt embarrassed, thinking you had peed yourself.

At the moment you couldn’t care. The one time you ever felt all your walls come down. This was paradise, this was right where you belonged, this felt like Heaven. You couldn’t even think but you did feel the pressure on your hips get very tight and warmth inside you. Jardani held you hard against him, releasing his seed into you with one of the hottest moans you thought you’ve ever heard. You were squeezing him so tight it was unreal.

He rocked your hips against his with his hands as your pussy convulsed and you milked his cock. You were in a daze, like you literally felt drunk. Jardani stopped moving you as he became too sensitive.

“I think I pissed on you.” You slurred against his chest.

The rumble of a laugh was felt on your cheek as your lover began to kiss the shell of your ear and then nibbled on your earlobe, rubbing your ass and back in soothing motions. Softly, he gave you a couple hickies on your neck, tickling you and making you squirm your neck away from him, but you’d always let him mark you. For as much as you told everyone it was nothing but sex you sure were proud to show off your fresh hickies.

“That was called squirting, my angel.” He said the term of endearment in Russian and then chuckled again when you tried to hit him but missed and hit the pillow.

Jardani tried to move you off him but instead you grabbed onto him and told him to stop. You left small kisses on his chest as you laid on top of him begging him to stay like that for a little while longer. Your body still jerked every so often and you couldn’t believe you were still orgasming. Your lover's cock was already softening inside you and you twirled his chest hair and pulled at it making him bat your hands away.

“I love you Jardani Jovonovich. I love you, I love you, I lo-“ You always said it after sex and he cut you off before you kept going.

“You’re just saying that because I just gave you an Earth shattering orgasm.”

You leaned up this time to learn forward into his face. He let out a groan at the movement from his cock still being inside you. You kissed him again as much passion as your physical body would allow, hoping he could feel everything you had been thinking and feeling. Only death could stop you from wanting to kiss him but even after that you knew you’d still reminisce about the feeling.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you while you were gone.” His heart throbbed at how shy you sounded. “I missed you so much.”

Jardani gave you a quick smooch.

“I missed you too, so much. You’re my reason to come home, my Goddess.” He pressed his nose against yours.

“Dani, I think this Goddess may have met the one human male that she could ever fall in love with.. Oh my god we can have little demi-god babies..” You smiled.

“If you don’t get off me that may be happening soon.”

You slid off of him sitting by his side. You didn’t look at him just at the wall as you thought. The cum that leaked out of you was warm and your heart had started to race. You wanted to run but you couldn’t move. Based on the way Dani was looking at you let you know he was too, lost in his own thoughts. Oh my god you were feeling so many emotions. What had that orgasm done to you?

Without even thinking you began to trace the scar on your shoulder. You wanted to just run away to the bathroom and cry but before you could you felt him adjust up so he was sitting behind you. his hand grabbed your wrist where he started to kiss your palm and fingertips. Jardani is so good, so nice. You wouldn’t cry even if you wanted to. That’s what you always told yourself but the past few years it’s felt like all you did.

“I’ve been thinking about it. While you were gone… A lot. Well more than a lot. I’m terrified it's going to end in hurt. Everything does.” You press your palms into your eyes and take a deep breath.

“I’m scared that if I make this real you’ll know the real me.”

“I already know the real you.” He kissed your cheek.

“I meant it though. I’m a pretty sick fuck but you make me feel some.. Not fucked up things. Besides the thought of killing anyone else who tried to get with you. You’re all mine, Jardani Jovonovich, if we do this. I’m scared.” You removed your hands from your eyes and he grabbed your wrist.

Ever since your capture you’d been going down a dark road. More cruel and unnecessary kills, being scarier and taking your anger out on anyone who got into your way. What if one day he gets sick of your actions, of your mental agony, and decides to leave after you let him in? His lips against your wrist made it hard to entertain those thoughts.

“Always. And I hope that means you’re all mine as well?” He kissed your palm again.

“Always.” You blurted out with no thought whatsoever.

He looked at you with a soft expression and then all of the sudden he was worried by the devious smirk on your face as you turned to face him fully.

“Now that's out of the way. We still aren’t dating. You have to take me on a nice date!” Demanding as ever, you wouldn’t have him ask you after sex!

Jardani smiled, showing off his slightly crooked teeth. There was his feisty girl. He laughed his rare but adorable laugh before wrestling you so you were under him. A yelp left you as he pinned you down and nibbled on your collarbone. There was no escape but you felt safe. You knew he’d let you go if you wanted him to.

When he was done assaulting your collar bones with his tongue, teeth and lips he looked up at you with a grin that took your breath away.

“Baby, I’ll take you on the best date of your life but first… I don’t think our little reunion is over yet.” He hinted at his hardening cock that slapped against your thigh.

“Well then,” you reached around to line his cock up with your entrance and guide his hips forward by digging your heels into his ass, “I’d say it’s time for round two.”

“I agree.”

By the end of the night, the two of you were well spent. You felt proud of yourself, for talking to him and for finally giving this whole relationship a chance. As Jardani got up to run you both a shower— excited for his date with you after you two washed and he convinced The Director to let you leave the theater— you couldn’t help but think about everything.

You two fought it for years and you just couldn’t believe it was one orgasm away from coming all together.

#john wick fanfic #john wick x reader #john wick x y/n #john wick x you #good lord I love this man

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ihavenocluedude · 2 years

Text

Lost in admiration

Eddie Munson x Gender Neutral!reader

Link to reading this on Ao3 Link to my main masterlist

A/N - I don’t mention any pronouns as far as I know so I think I can call this gender neutral but what the heck do I know. Title sort of taken from the song Head over Heels by Tears For Fears. Although not really inspired by it. Except maybe the vibes?? I’ve seriously been working on this for days now and my brain is beat. I am so in love with Eddie Munson though so it’s worth it.

Sort of inspired by these two tags I wrote in a reblog of an Eddie Gifset :

Warnings - Swearing (a lot of internal anxious swearing especially I guess but also in dialogue, which is also mostly in the anxious dialogues), crushing on someone for years, mentions of drugs and alcohol, drinking, I’m kind of scared this is OOC... so like hoping it isn’t but warning that it might be

Word Count - 5.7k

”So, you’re having a party on Friday?” This had been going on for 3 days now, the near-constant questioning.

Several people coming up to you at any time they themselves figured was a good time to ask this very question. And now even fucking popular douchebag star of the basketball team Jason Carver was speaking to you. Seemingly trying to work some sort of charm that you bet several of the cheerleaders had fallen victim to.

”There’s no party.”

”That’s not what the entire school is saying y’know? Parents gone, a whole house to yourself, don’t be selfish.” As if any of that would change your mind to actually liking parties and wanting to have a bunch of strangers in your home.

”I know.” You chuckled sarcastically before continuing ”But, y’know… no one in this school except for me actually lives there so, it’s my right to decide. No party.”

”So… no party?”

”Exactly. Spread the word, jock.” Thankfully, he stepped away from your lunch table after that. ”I hate this.”

”You don’t hate this.”

”Robin. I hate this. Someone literally almost stopped me in the grocery store yesterday, with my mom next to me! They’re not even away yet. And it wasn’t even me who told the masses that I’d be home alone this weekend.” You ranted in anguish before letting out a small groan, your volume rising slightly during your rant, making several of the students in the cafeteria look over at the two of you.

”I am sorry for telling Steve…”

”I know.”

”I didn’t think he’d-”

”Robin, it’s okay. It’s fine. It would’ve spread around anyway. Apparently, Steve was not the first to start spreading the word. Someone heard us talking the other day and didn’t hear all of it, so they assumed, like they always do.”

Your parents had told you the weekend before they were going to be away. Told you that they trusted you not to do anything stupid, have at most just three friends over, and to try not to mess up the house whilst they were gone. They hadn’t told and taught you the wise lesson that it’s wise not to mention this information in school or to tell your best friend not to tell anyone including her still somewhat new friend Steve Harrington.

Formerly known as King Steve. More recently known as the guy who had a thousand dates lined up but nowhere to take them to. Hawkins wasn’t exactly the most… eventful place unless you count the horrifying events that you’d thankfully and unthankfully gotten to know about through Robin’s rants to you about it after she got pulled into it all.

And Steve couldn’t possibly bring all his dates to the makeout spots like Lovers’ Lake or Skull Rock. No no no, that would be completely ridiculous. So when he heard Robin mentioning you being home alone for the weekend, aka a possibility for a party he could take a date to, he’d just ran off to the phone to start calling numbers. He isn’t the guy to force a party upon you but… he ’accidentally’ was anyhow.

”Would it be that bad if you had a party?”

”Are you offering to clean up the house with me the day after?” You asked mostly sarcastically. Even with trying to turn everyone and anyone away from the idea that you were having a party… It was sort of starting to grow on you anyway.

The ’classic’ high school experience was just there right in front of you, why not appreciate it? Besides if you didn’t you’d have to open your door every five minutes on Friday and tell them ’no, there isn’t a party here, listen for a second… you hear that? complete silence’ anyway by the way this had spread… so why not instead actually just let them in.

”Sure.”

”Really?”

”Why not?”

”Am I really going to have a party just because of group pressure?” Robin’s smile was ridiculously infectious and even as you said it you felt your lips quirking up into a small smile.

”Not just. He would totally come.” AND she’d won you over completely. You knew exactly who she was talking about, because who else would she be talking about with such inflection in her voice.

Before you knew it you had stood up on the lunch table dramatically as he himself has done before. Clearing your voice in a showy way before almost screaming to the cafeteria ”I CHANGED MY MIND! MY HOUSE THIS FRIDAY, PEOPLE!”

You should’ve known to regret those sentences by the way the basketball team table started cheering. Fuck. But then whilst you were getting down off the table, desperately averting your eyes from the popular table, your eyes just quickly locked on him for a second. The usual jean vest & leather jacket duo, and the Hellfire club shirt proudly presented under them. But more importantly, his eyes on you too.

”Well, that was nice.”

”Do you think he’ll still come if Jason and his league of basketball douchebags come?”

You knew that he wasn’t that into parties in general. But he showed up sometimes. You weren’t really a party person yourself but if Eddie ’The Freak’ Munson came to the party, you’d hear about it the day after usually. Some of them he just attended because he knew he could sell a lot, bringing along his little lunch box-y thingy.

But… in this situation, you also sort of had a contact that could perhaps convince him to come. Hopefully.

The video store wasn’t necessarily your favorite place in Hawkins, but it wasn’t all that bad. You’d hang out with Robin whilst she worked sometimes, which led to actually getting to know Harrington a bit. There were movies galore, you had a pretty good friend discount, and Robin would tell you when something you’d maybe want to rent or buy would come in. But none of those reasons were why you entered the video store along with Robin right after school that afternoon. Almost rushing up to Steve Harrington, a somewhat pleading look in your eyes already.

”I need you to pass on a message. Well, not a message per se… I just-”

”Out with it.”

”I want you to make Dustin convince Eddie Munson to go to my party. Without making it all- fucking- obvious.” You were jittery, nervous, and still just a tad on edge from your earlier announcement at lunch. And Steve’s immediate reaction to start laughing at what you just said did not help your on edge behavior. ”Steve, I’m serious.”

”Eddie ’The Freak’ Munson?” He scoffed once he’d calmed down his laughing enough to get words out, but then turned quiet for a few seconds as he saw your anxiousness. ”Are you… No way! You’re into Freaky Eddie?”

”Steve! Shut up!” You muttered with wide eyes, quickly glancing around the store to thankfully see no customers your age in the store at the moment. ”Can you do it?”

”It’s up to Dustin but I can ask him.”

— ~~~ —

All in all… it wasn’t a big deal. The thing about Eddie, your thing for Eddie. But it had started years ago.

It could all be traced back to middle school. But you wouldn’t call what you felt back then a crush. It was more like… an admiring kind of intimidation and jealousy.

He was just so himself.

You felt like you were still deciding if you were an actual person and there he was so… fully formed. He’d already started his rock band with his friends, been so passionate about music it almost made you sick, and had a sick buzzcut at the time. And he was older. He seemed so mature and grown sometimes although he was probably nothing of the kind.

It wasn’t like you ever talked to him, the intimidation was just… too much. He went off to high school whilst you were stuck in middle school for two more years without him and by then he’d slipped away from your mind a little. Well until you saw him again at least.

Once you caught up to high school with him he was in his junior year. Just two more years until you’d probably never see him again, at least that’s what you thought.

Freshman year was… easy. It wasn’t quite the same awestruck admiration you’d had for him when you were younger. And you hadn’t yet quite seen him like you would come to see him the year after. Once entering your sophomore year, the year of his first senior year, you realized that the feelings you felt towards him had definitely developed more… romantically?

Without ever speaking to the guy, without ever actually interacting with him, it had still developed.

He had started growing out his hair from the buzzcut the year before, the shaggy curly hair growing quickly and just almost reaching his shoulders at that point. And you noticed that you’d never really noticed his eyes before. For a guy who seemed so unreserved and called a freak, his eyes were just really calm in a way. Yet so expressive, warm, and just beautiful. And although you’d never really mention it to anyone, not even Robin, he was adorable. And hot.

But you had to be honest with yourself after all. That was his senior year. He’d leave Hawkins and probably never come back after that, at least that’s what you’d heard the plan was. And you were… glad.

Maybe you could stop feeling like some school girl with a silly crush on the ’bad boy’ of the school. Maybe you could stop feeling as if he was just everywhere you went in Hawkins, just because your brain seemed to feel like it meant more seeing him than seeing any other schmuck in this school or person in this world. Maybe you could stop fantasizing about joining his club just to get the courage to actually talk to him.

Then he was held back.

And it all just snowballed. The feelings grew more intense and testified to the fact that you really never were going to speak to him out of your own volition. Not even if you tried joining The Hellfire club, because how on earth were you going to speak to him whilst under the pressure of the game too?

And now you had agreed to host a party partially because Robin told you he’d come. It wasn’t even guaranteed. It was just speculation and your heart jumped out of your chest and told your brain it was a good idea, even when in afterthought it felt like the most stupid thing you’d ever done.

— ~~~ —

You’d thought about if you’d actually get the courage to speak to Eddie at the party. Would what people call ’liquid courage’ actually give you courage? You weren’t a party person yourself, you didn’t know the proper etiquette, and you definitely didn’t feel like you had whatever you thought you needed to speak to Eddie Munson. Which felt silly considering Freshmen speak to him daily.

You hadn’t ever talked to him thus far, why would it happen at the party?

This was the question you were both asking yourself as much as you also were protesting it. You obviously wanted to speak to him. And hey, why not? It would be more casual at the party, perhaps liquid courage is actually courage, and hey maybe unicorns do exist?

It all just felt so ridiculous that you questioned why you were thinking about it this much anyway. A loop in your head with the intermittent ’you should think about all the other great things about this party!’. And still, it was on your mind the whole Thursday school day.

”Hey!-shit. Hello?” The question had been clouding your mind enough to first not even notice the person who’d called after you. ”Can you stop walking please?” Or at least seemed to be calling for you. You turned around before answering, hoping to see that it wasn’t yet another person asking about the party and instead someone calling after someone else.

And there he was. Seemingly actually calling for you.

Taking a breath and clearing your throat before answering, ”Y-Yeah?” if you hadn’t it probably would’ve sounded more like a whisper.

”You’re having a party tomorrow right?” A quick nod in response as you don’t fully trust your words, barely even trusting your facial expressions in this moment. ”Could we talk for a minute?”

”Yeah sure absolutely.” You were talking to him. What the fuck was going on.

”Not… in school preferably.” He clarified, hoping that you’d get what he was signifying. You gave a slower nod before gesturing with your thumb over your shoulder towards the way you were headed out of school, him giving you a nod back to say that he’d follow you. Walking up beside you as you then walked side by side through the halls.

”I could… I could drive you home or something and we could talk about it on the way?” He suggested sort of stumbling through the sentence, your shy and quiet demeanor because of being flustered evidently being somewhat contagious.

”Uhm… well, my friend is supposed to pick me up. But… yeah sure?

”Oh, I should’ve known, you can still go with… them. We could just talk tomorrow?”

”No, it’s fine, really.” You insisted whilst simultaneously trying as hard as possible not to constantly look up at him. To get to see his eyes up close or see if he had that smile you’d only get to truly see when he was making a spectacle of himself somewhere in the school. Instead, you allowed yourself a few short glances before averting your eyes to the way you were going.

Whispers from other people in the hall somehow already started going around about the two of you as they saw you. But soon enough Eddie’s voice cut through them as he spoke to you again.

”So, Steve right?”

”Huh?”

”The friend picking you up?”

”How’d you know?” Your eyebrows furrowed slightly in response although quickly trying to unfurrow them to not seem as desperate for the answer as you actually felt. Running your fingers anxiously over your forehead lightly before running your hand over your hair and then dropping it to your side again.

”Well he picks you up sometimes right?”

”Well yeah but-”

”And I know Dustin who knows Steve so…”

”Right. Of course.” Somehow it had never truly come up in your mind that Eddie could know who you were. That he had heard about you from Dustin or others, that he could’ve had thought about you too whenever you two saw each other around Hawkins the last couple of years. ”I just have to tell Robin that I’m going with you instead and then we can go I guess.” You sort of sighed out when the two of you stepped out of the school, trying to take deep breaths but still feeling like you were somehow failing.

Once outside Robin was thankfully the first thing you saw. Not that she was close by but rather that your eyes knew just as well as your brain to seek her out when anxious. Your safe person.

”I’ll just go wait in my van.”

”I- I don’t know which one’s yours.” It wasn’t completely true, but it wasn’t false either. You’d seen him arrive at school once or twice at the same time that you did and although you had picked up that it was a van… you’d mostly been focused on the driver rather than the car or really trying not to look.

But even though you knew you’d embarrass yourself more by trying to find it later without knowing what it looks like… you found yourself regretting saying that anyway. Because right after you said it, he got closer to you, made sure he was on the same eye-level as you, and then pointed it out before noting; ”It’s… that one.”

Shivers. down. your. spine. Mouth slacking slightly open before quickly snapping it shut. Breathing in deeply through your nose, although regretting that instantly as well.

He was barely doing anything but being somewhat close to you, body heat radiating from him, his arm pointing over one of your shoulders towards the van that sat just a small distance away, his head lingering quite closely by yours on your other side.

But considering you’d pined for him for over two years, been admiring him, and been intimidated by him for even longer, it felt like… nothing else. Not to talk about the fact that you got a heavy dose of what he smells like, heavenly by the way, when you breathed in through your nose.

”I- I see it. I think. I’ll be right over. I just- see you later.” You managed to get out before directing your eyes back to Robin and walking quickly towards her. Her eyes were wide and already looking at you, definitely having seen what just happened, your eyes instantly shooting daggers back at her as you knew that Eddie would be able to see her expression if he looked over.

And although she was your safe person you once again couldn’t stop the incessant overthinking going on in your head as you walked towards her.

Eddie must think that you’re terrified of him or something by the way you’ve averted your eyes, stumbled and stuttered your way through the conversation, and the anxious behavior overall. OR he knows, he’s noticed and he knows. Either way; Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

”So, what the hell was that?” Robin asked a teasing grin on her face that probably wouldn’t stop even if you begged her not to smile like that ’because it’s making it obvious’.

”I- uhm… he wants… Eddie- he wants to talk about the party, I think. He’s sort of driving me home.”

”What?”

”You can literally not make a big deal out of this right now, I’m freaking out and he’s probably looking at us or something. I can’t look-” You started ranting, your last few words catching Robin’s attention as she decided to glance his way instead, your hand immediately going up to her jaw to push her eyes back to you ”Robin! You can’t either, are you crazy?”

”Somewhat.”

”What the fuck do I do.”

”You think I know anything about that?”

”I don’t know! Where the fuck is Steve when we need him?” And almost as if summoning a demon, you apparently summoned Steve by just saying his name, his car rolling into the nearest parking spot to you and Robin before quickly half getting out one foot in the car and the other on the asphalt. ”Oh, thank fuck.”

”How did you do that?” Robin chuckled before looking over at Steve. ”Hi Dingus. Look like it’s just going to be the two of us.”

”Really? You don’t need a ride?” Steve asked, directing the first question to Robin before looking at you and tilting his head the way it feels like he always does when asking something.

”Getting a ride by Eddie Munson.” Robin answered, louder than needed and with the same teasing grin as earlier. Throwing her stuff in the back seat before assuming the Steve Harrington Position of one foot in and one foot out.

”I thought you’d never spoken to him before?” Steve questioned, thankfully much softer and not as loud as Robin. You walked closer to the car hoping that fewer people might be interested in the talk the three of you were having and not having to talk as loudly. Or at least not as loudly as Robin thought she needed to for you to hear from that small distance away.

”I haven’t. Not until today, he was sort of waiting on me outside the classroom by the end of my lesson I guess?” And it still felt like one of your dreams or fantasies, although with a lot more anxiety.

”And you’re getting in a car with him?”

”I trust him. I mean hasn’t he like driven Dustin sometime or something? He trusts him too! But uhm… I need… Like- What the hell do I do? Like how do I act?”

”Why are you asking me?”

”Because you know about these sorts of things! I’ve seen you at the video store. C’mon now Harrington, lay it on me, tell me how I’m supposed to act.”

”Haven’t you been there during all the talks we’ve had with Robin about her crush? Be yourself!”

”Yeah fine whatever, but you can’t just do that, right?” The former king of Hawkins High had to have some sort of advice other than the totally cliché thing that Robin had said first.

”What, do you mean flirting?”

”I guess?” Although the nervous feelings from before weren’t gone, you found yourself a lot calmer around Robin and Steve. Eyes not averting as much except looking over at Robin from time to time and once or twice glancing over at the van to see that it’s still there. Just looking at the hulk of the van though and not even daring to look through the front window of the car in fear that you’ll lose all your calm within just a microsecond or something.

”Listen. Calm down. Go sit down in his van and just talk for now. You can save the flirting for when you’re drunk, it’s easier.”

”That last bit sounds sort of like bad advice, but what the hell.”

Robin and Steve drove off and you made your way over to the car, sparing one single glance through the front window to make sure it was Eddie sitting there, which thankfully it was. And thankfully you didn’t lose your complete cool by just looking at him, progress.

”Hi. Sorry that took a while.”

”It’s okay.” Eddie’s answer was short and simple, his voice as smooth in tone as you’d always thought it was. ”That conversation looked intense?” shit

”Uhm… yeah, no. It was nothing.”

”So, not about me?” Eddie questioned that wonderful smile on his face, obviously lightly teasing you. Testing the waters.

”No, no. About the party.” You chuckled back in response with a shake of your head, it wasn’t technically a lie, the party was sort of mentioned. Steve had told you to leave the flirting to the party. Eddie still hadn’t started the car. The two of you talking in the quiet of his van although with the echo of the conversations of students getting out of school just outside.

”I know Harrington doesn’t like me.”

”Harrington doesn’t know you.” It came rushed out before you could even stop yourself, ”Not that- not that I do… I just-”

”No, I get it. That’s… sweet.” Finally, albeit your feelings were a bit mixed over it, he started the car and started getting out of the parking lot, driving out into Hawkins. ”So, about the party. I was thinking that I’m gonna go.”

”Great.”

”Yeah?”

”Do you want to come?”

”Do you want me to come?”

”Yeah. Sure.”

”Could I- You do know about my ’part-time job’, right?” You didn’t know where to look but looking over at him, you found your eyes meeting his just as he was gesturing the quotation marks with his right hand, nodding in response once again. ”Can I sell at your party?”

”Why not? I won’t be- But I don’t mind.” You explained with a shrug and a shake of your head, once again stumbling through your words. Kept your eyes on him for a little while, appreciating the moment whilst you could, and finding out that he glanced over ever so often. But when looking out the front window you realized you were getting pretty close to home. ”Do you know where I live?”

”Everyone’s sort of been shouting your address all over the school the last few days. It would be hard not to.”

”That’s really… uncomfortable honestly. The whole thing of everyone knowing where you live? I felt pretty much invisible before all of this.” You winced, had people at school really been that vocal about a party? ”I won’t get like… weird shit happening to me right?”

”They’ll probably forget as soon as they’re there.”

”Really?”

”Absolutely, you’ll be safe.”

— ~~~ —

”So this is going well so far, right?” You asked with your back leaned up against a wall in the entry hallway next to Robin, drink in your hand. The door stood wide open and ready for the next horde of teenagers to come in and crowd your living room, kitchen, and whatever else they wanted it seemed. ”I mean… we’ve got a crowd, Steve seems pretty happy over there with Heidi or whoever, they all seem to enjoy the music? And I’m like… tipsy for the first time in a long time.”

”You’re past tipsy, but yes. Everything seems pretty good. Except for one thing. You haven’t talked to him.”

”I said hi?” You defended yourself. But you couldn’t even defend yourself that much cause you knew you wanted to, you needed to. If you had been sober you would’ve felt completely ready to go somewhere else and hide from the situation, but the drinks had pulled something out of you. Neediness, something you had both sort of hoped for and dreaded.

Neediness that made your eyes linger on him every time you peeked around the party, neediness that felt like it was pulling at your heart, neediness that felt like it was pulsing through your blood.

”Dude, go and talk to him.”

”Sure, fuck it. Wish me luck.”

”Good luck!” Robin chuckled and gently pushed your shoulder as you separated yourself from the wall.

The living room was completely crowded, just as expected. What you hadn’t expected, however, was the way most of the people in the living room still hung out in their cliques. Sure they weren’t all in their separate little groups, some were on what had become the dance floor not giving a shit, some were playing drinking games whilst sitting on the couch, and all in all, it wasn’t that bad.

But the basketball team was almost standing in a line, all in their letterman jackets as if the jacket was a uniform. Stood all together as if they were trying to intimidate the whole party. Meanwhilst, the seniors of the group they call freaks were all spread across the room, none of them in their hellfire shirts.

”That looks weird, right?” An icebreaker was always a reliable way to enter a conversation. At least that’s what you hoped for when you came up to Eddie, gesturing towards the team. ”It looks almost horror movie-esque.”

”Yeah definitely.” He laughed out, and just like you and Robin had leaned against a wall in the hallway, you leaned against a wall with Eddie Munson. What you hoped was one of the normal positions at a party that wasn’t sitting or being in the way of others. ”You’re okay with them being here though?”

”Yeah it’s fine. At least I know who they are, if any of them breaks a lamp… I know whose parents to call.” Popping the ’p’ and sighing a little before averting your eyes from the team and instead to Eddie who definitely seemed to be in a laughing mood. Looking away from him a second later though when you realized that you currently couldn’t look at his eyes this closely without your mouth just slightly opening. ”I’m not like that uncomfortable with it but… there are a lot of people here that I feel like I don’t know.”

”You know me.”

”Do I?” It felt like it was just minutes ago when you had sort of excused yourself by saying that you didn’t know him in his car.

”Eddie Munson, Freak of Hawkins High. Nice to meet you.” He stretched out his hand with a smug grin on his face. With a playful tone in his voice and expressing a demeanor you’d only seen from afar before. You took his hand without much of a second thought but almost froze up when you could feel the rings on his fingers. The rings almost shocked you as if something knocked on your brain and just reminded you that this was Eddie Munson. The Eddie Munson.

”Oh, you’re that guy, well of course.” You teased with a chuckle, playing along.

”Told you that you knew me!” He chuckled and clapped his hands together once after your little shake. ”Y’know Dustin was talking so much about the party I thought he was gonna come here. That he was dropping hints that he wanted me to chaperone him to his first party or something.”

”Really?” You might have to smack the back of Dustin’s head a little next time you see him… ”Is that why you came?”

”No… Not at all.” Eddie remarked calmly, holding eye contact with you whilst he said it but then moved his eyes to look over the party around the two of you. ”Could we get away from this for a while?”

”For sure.”

You tried going outside at first but there were a lot of people outside too. People who’d probably had the same thought as Eddie. To get some air or just get away from being surrounded by people for a second or two at least.

”I have an idea.” You said before without a thought taking his hand in yours and leading him to the kitchen. Opened one of the drawers, and there they were; the key you’d locked the bedrooms with and a bag of snacks you’d saved for either when everyone left or for when you felt you needed to retreat to your bedroom. Almost like this moment turned out. Except you’d thought it would just be you, going up into your room, changing clothes and eating snacks, and then falling asleep.

Took the key, took the snacks, filled up your drink, and walked upstairs with Eddie in tow. As soon as Eddie made it into the room as well you shut the door as quickly as possible, set down your things and walked over to the windows, and opened them. Letting the fresh air in, but also thankfully some background noise. Took your things again and slumped down next to your bed, using it as a backrest.

”Better?”

”Much.” Eddie chuckled, his also refilled drink stretched out to toast with yours, ”Cheers.”

”Cheers.” He was sitting close enough for you to feel the heat of him radiating off of him once again. If he was so warm all the time you had no clue how the hell he constantly had on that leather jacket and jean vest combo. But you weren’t going to complain about any of that.

”I didn’t bring my stash.”

”Huh?”

”The… I asked if I could sell, y’know the other day. But… I didn’t bring it.”

”I don’t want to buy or anything-”

”No, you’re- I just… I didn’t want to sell. I just wanted to be here.” Eddie admitted with a sigh as if he absolutely needed to tell you that. His ’here’ sounded as if he really meant here, alone with you.

”That’s… sweet.” You chuckled as you heard yourself practically quoting him from the other day. Your heart felt as if it was going to beat its way out of you. And as a distraction… you decided to make it so much harder on yourself. Pulling your legs closer to yourself before picking up his closest arm and resting it on your angled lap as you decided to get a closer look at the tattoo near his elbow. Angling your knees slightly more in towards him as you stroked your fingers over the bats that decorated his skin.

You knew his eyes were on you as you started to trace them with one of your hands, whilst the one closest to him sort of just supported his arm. Or at least that’s only what it was doing until he took that hand in his own. However, you still didn’t dare look at him just yet. But you could still feel how close his head was to yours, how close you truly were now.

Your breathing had become kind of heavy, mostly in anticipation. This certainly felt like something was about to happen. And surprisingly you found yourself being the one to make it happen. Looked at him and took a deep breath in before you picked up your hand that had now just rested over his tattoo and guided it to his jaw instead. And then guided him to you.

Turns out, that having a crush on Eddie Munson leads to pretty amazing things. Like seeing the way he looked at you before you kissed. Feeling his free hand rest on one of your knees and guide them even closer to him. And the harsh feeling of several years of crushing on him, being intimidated by him, and admiring him softened severely.

”I’ve been wanting that for… too long.” Eddie sighed out dreamily once the two of you parted, which almost made you laugh in his face.

”You? I’ve been-” You started before your eyes widened and started over, ”Yeah no… way too long.” Your head bumped gently down on his shoulder forehead first and rested it there.

”What were you going to say?” His voice was quite hushed still but you could hear the smug and happy tone in it so clearly. Although he seemed to try not to sound so obvious.

”I uhm… I’ve sort of had this crush on you… for a while.”

”Really?”

”Yep.”

”Dustin trying to convince me to go makes a lot more sense now.” Eddie chuckled although his voice sounded more confused than enlightened. ”I sort of… figured out it was something behind it but I didn’t believe it when he said it was Steve who’d asked him to. I never figured out that there was a chain of command.”

”Oh god. Sorry. I was just… I didn’t think you’d come with the way the basketball team pretty much yelled their acceptance of the invite. And… y’know, crush. So I figured it was worth a try.” You shrugged lightly and placed your chin on his shoulder instead so you could look at him. Those big soft brown eyes looked right back at you.

”I was gonna come anyway.”

”Well I didn’t know that.”

”But now you do.”

#eddie munson #stranger things #stranger things x reader #Eddie Munson x reader #eddie munson x you #stranger things fanfiction #Joseph Quinn x reader #eddie munson fic

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somuchcoffeeandwine · 6 months

Text

All right, fellow MCU fans

So, after seeing the Marvels today, it got me thinking. Now, you probably don't know who I am. But I do happen to be a writer. Not a very good one mind you (several people would say otherwise, but shush, give me my self-loathing) Phase 4 (and the current parts of 5) is not that great. So I want to rewrite the Multiverse Saga. Yes. The entire thing. Even though it's not finished.

Very long blocks of text below. It's really the only thing that keeps me organized. Please read it though if you are interested. It'll be split up into sections, for somewhat easy perusal.

Now, I know this is an ambitious project, and one not done. I am no stranger to things like this, see my own game/show I'm making. (This is the only time I'm going to mention it. But I am pretty proud of it) So, for my very small amount of sanity, I'm stopping it at The Marvels, and Loki season 2 (Oops, still not finished with it yet). And I wanted to ask people what they thought was lackluster, or mediocre. Not the Marvel I and many other people grew up on. I do understand that it was flawed before, but when I recently rewatched most of them, I found that my childhood love for them had blossomed into something new. I was 6 when the first Avengers came out. I learned how to shoot a bow because of Hawkeye in that movie. And I think it deserves better, especially after watching the Marvels.

Now, this means everything after Endgame. So from Black Widow to The Marvels in terms of the movies, and the Disney+ series from Wandavision to Loki Season 2. I have a feeling it's going to take me a second to get through the remaining 5 episodes of Loki S2. My family wants to watch it with me, and they're all decently busy... Anyways, that's 10 movies, and 9 series. Although I don't accept Secret Invasion. Like at all. Anyways.

I have yet to decide what I'm going to publish this on. Probably A03, just because that's easiest for me. And I can organize much easier. Do let me know what you think.

So, before I get into the problems I've identified, feel free to stop here, and reblog or ask me your problems with the aforementioned shows and movies. I'm talking writing or character problems, as we've seen in the series. I am a fan of the comics, but you can divert from that, or stick to them.

Oh, and if you say something like "Make it more queer", I am a raging bisexual enby. I will already be making it queer as fuck, and can be convinced to ship pretty much anyone, if I can get a good reasoning behind it. Minors should be shipped with only minors. That's one of my few rules, if you send anything to me. So yeah, I'm doing genderfluid Loki.

Thoughts on everything:

This is just here so that I don't get a ton of repeats. I'll go movies first, then the TV shows.

Black Widow (2021) - Honestly, this is too late of a movie. Natasha deserved this before Endgame or Infinity War came out. But release dates aside, Taskmaster needs more screentime, and a chance to show how menacing they are. Natasha also needs more time with her family, and the parents need to be fleshed out a bit more. Belova is far too smart to be tricked by the lady in the post-credit scene.

Shang-Chi And The Legend Of The Ten Rings (2021) - I don't have any major problems with this movie. The Great Protector, or the dragon, and the supernatural creature, I think he's called Dweller In Darkness, kinda felt a little blank, and the Dweller shouldn't have died, only been pushed back. And I don't like Katy that much. Trevor is much better comedic relief in my opinion.

Eternals (2021) - Oh boy, where do we start with this one? You know it's bad if I can't remember any of the main characters names besides Ikarus. And that's because I was laughing my ass off at him throwing himself into the sun. There was also the Celestial I think it was? Anyways that thing broke islands up, and then just became a massive statue, and like no one mentions it? I don't remember much else about this movie, even after having watched it like 3 times. Oh, and the Ebony Blade was shown off. I like that if they can do something fun with that.

Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021) - Dr. Strange feels a little shoe-horned in. The whole sanctum being overtaken by snow was pretty clever, but Strange being a father figure to Peter is not super well established. Could be fixed with a couple of rewrites. Or Strange and Stark being together. Peter is a dumbass, and the reason for him starting the whole plot... is so dumb. I understand, teenagers can be stupid, hell, I go to public high school, but Peter's shown he's a lot smarter than this. But I do like the crossover (Dafoe as Green Goblin my beloved) and the fact that the other Spidermen get to say goodbye in one last movie. Anyways, Ned's wizard connections need to be elaborated on as well.

Doctor Strange: Multiverse Of Madness (2022) - Alright, getting my biggest problem out of the way first. Wanda's corruption arc should have been shown. It should have been developed through the movie, and Wanda should have been with Strange and America. She can still be evil, and die after she realizes her actions, but this basically destroys the point of Wandavision. She was willing to say goodbye. Wanda has been a favorite of mine for years, and I read her comics religiously as a child. We need to see the power of the Scarlet Witch. What it did without Wanda. Her "No More Mutants" line sent chills down my spine the first time I read it. Sam Raimi directed this movie. Strange and Wanda should have had more horrific shit. And that one Strange with 3 eyes should have been the one from What If. We need horror in this. America also needs to be more fleshed out. I do love her, but we get like one scene of her being traumatized of basically growing up nowhere. Her moms get to stay though. I'm just going to ignore the last post-credit scene, because... that's setting something up I'm not sure of.

Thor: Love & Thunder (2022) - First up, Gorr has a great setup. He needed more screentime though. We need to see more of his god killing. They should rightfully be shitting their pants over this man. Thor leaving to save Sif was a good move, but that joke ruined the tension. She should have died there, proof of the god killer. Jane Foster is perfectly fine, and her arc is a lovely send-off. I would have loved some more stuff about the kids, especially Heimdall's. I don't even remember his name. He should have been shown doing something in Jane's return to Asgard, something that showed off his parentage. The meeting of the gods is a great scene, but there should have been people who spoke up, and then promptly getting thrown out, or even getting killed. Even more of a reason for Thor and crew to convince him. I think everything else is pretty good. Also Valkyrie is perfect in this movie. Bi queen. And her Loki knives are lovely.

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022) - I actually think this one just needs a couple of little tweaks. I understand why they couldn't have T'Challa show up in the spirit world, and Killmonger was great, but I still think something between the siblings would be good. Fuck, I love the funeral scene. It was a lovely sendoff to both T'Challa, and Chadwick. Namor seems a little rash though. Might just be the comics leaking through on that matter but I do like the Mayan inspirations in the movie!

Antman: Quantumania (2023) - I'm not really sure on this movie. I don't like Janet in this movie. She feels too secretive. She could have told them plenty, even lied that Kang had gone home. He'd gotten out somehow. Kang didn't seem scared enough of the others, but that might just be me thinking of that. Oh, and MODOK sucked. He shouldn't be a joke. But Darren could have done something else, because he is in there.

Guardians of The Galaxy V.3 (2023) - Perfection in every way. I'm not changing anything unless it involves getting everything I'm incorporating in. And the Christmas Special is also great.

The Marvels (2023) - Spoilers! Kamala needed more screentime, she just generally felt disconnected from the plot besides her bangle. And I also wanted a more menacing villain. That's been the problem with them recently. They don't make me think that they could actually beat them. I like everything else though. Flerkins were great as usual. I love these stupid creatures so much. That one scene was beautiful.

Now to the shows! These are going to be so much shorter.

Wandavision (2021) - I think this is good. No notes.

Loki S1 (2021) - Good, besides the Sylvie/Loki romance. They are siblings. I'm not sure if there's anything else that I really had a problem with. It's been a moment. Which is a shame. I love Loki (Also bi confirmation! I love it!)

The Falcon & Winter Soldier (2021) - I also think this is good, besides maybe having some problems with the villain. Bromance all the way.

What If...? (2021) - Also pretty good. Little self-contained story. I like the zombies.

Hawkeye (2021) - I also think this one's pretty well written. Macaroni is constantly referenced in my house. Lucky is also a pretty boy.

Moonknight (2022) - Honestly, god tier. Anyways, no one mentioned the stars literally turning in Egypt. But maybe it was just the people thinking that they were drunk as shit and seeing something.

Ms. Marvel (2022) - Second favorite being Moonknight. I also don't remember anything glaringly wrong.

She-Hulk: Attorney At Law (2022) - Besides the tone of the show being inconsistent as shit, I think this show should have dove into some of the topics it brought up more. It just seemed a little surface level. Maybe a WWDITS style mockumentary would work better.

Secret Invasion (2023) - THIS ENTIRE SHOW SUCKS ASS. THIS WHOLE THING WAS DONE SO BADLY. I am not taking anything from this show

Loki S2 (2023) - Too distracted by another season 2 coming out, so I have yet to finish. I have heard it's good though. I've seen the first episode, and it's going pretty good so far.

Well, you made it to the bottom! Yay!

...This took me an hour to write. I did get the doc set up. And got a bit of an outline set up.

#marvel #loki #wandavision #secret invasion #she hulk #hawkeye #ms marvel #moon knight #falcon and the winter soldier #the marvels #marvel mcu #mcu #writing #writeblr #long post

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onhoude · 10 months

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In the spirit of this beautiful meme post and an earlier short post of mine on Mu Qing that was my metaphorical big toe into the cold waters of this topic, I just wanted to say that I enjoy that Jiang Cheng, Mu Qing and Liu Qingge are non-partnered and may be assumed to have never been with anyone in the past.

I don't mean this in an I-hate-the-ships, or an I-hate-headcanons-about-this, kind of way, so please don't project that opinion onto me, thank you.

While I am especially reserved about commenting on Liu Qingge and his stance on partners because I don't know enough about his motivations, though his main interests appear in martial pursuits and upholding filial bonds and loyalty, or how other Peak Lords generally deal with it, I do like to fumble around a bit more with Jiang Cheng and Mu Qing's situation.

For Jiang Cheng, he isn't necessarily against marrying. In fact, he might actually end up marrying out of convenience for the sake of rearing an heir. It's simply that, and I genuinely mean this in the most neutral way possible, he is incompatible with what he would consider an ideal partner: proper and hard-working, but not outshining him, and kind to Jin Ling. Realistically, that won't happen with the state of the Cultivation World as it stands and how high Jiang Cheng's standards for 'proper/hard-working' as well as how thin the line is between that and still not outshining him in one or more ways, especially with his brisk attitude.

The chances of finding a meek partner who's still willing to deal with that and not eventually resent him for it are slim to none. I read somewhere are previous blind dates of his have blacklisted him? I can't find the source though. You'd end up with a relationship similar to Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan. This is something he will have to navigate on his own. It might mean the traditional path of proper succession that he was always meant to uphold isn't something he should strive for. In any and all cases, it's a compelling part of him I love to play around with safely from behind reinforced glass.

For Mu Qing, his cultivation and the results of his work are too important to risk for something he would consider far less valuable. As a man who views overcoming his standing and low birth and rising to the top as of the utmost highest of importance, he likely thought that the cultivating path of abstinence is both dignified and genuinely somewhat convenient.

Not only is abstinence an admirable aim to have for a cultivator that aims for spiritual enlightenment, compared to gods who have ascended on merits of their martial abilities or more grounded abilities surrounding civility, but it also keeps his status safe from potential scandals. Any rumours of escapades or wails of broken hearts are irrefutably baseless. There are no descendants that could potentially compromise or implement him either, for example.

But aside from those two reasons, with abstinence Mu Qing denies himself any indulgence even if he doesn't necessarily have to anymore. It's a means of control that may or may not come easy to him, but one he maintains steadily for centuries and definitely serves a purpose to who he is as a person. Though, yes, it lies parallel but is not necessarily linked with Mu Qing's lack of personability and some of his social ineptitude, which is something he struggles with throughout the entire story, I disagree it is an absolute reflection of his flaws and must be corrected, or grace forbids a 'damage that needs healing.' I think it's too ingrained in his personality and motivations to dismiss it as a bad choice for him.

It boils down to that I love their complex situations when it comes to not partnering with anyone, with Mu Qing and Liu Qingge (as cultivators without the ambition to uphold a lineage) most likely to never wed at all.

I'll reiterate that I'm not criticising ships or headcanons. I simply personally prefer that they could be attracted to someone and choose not to act on it because their priorities lie elsewhere, be it in battle, martial pursuits, ambition, or otherwise.

I love that it presents a struggle without it being a detriment to their lives. I love that romance or partnering isn't a focus in their arcs or lives. I love that it's something that can be complicated but not the wrong thing for them. I love that, while they have their faults, it's not that part of them that would need introspection and more so the circumstances and their relationships outside of romance or relationships.

#svsss #mdzs #tgcf #mu qing #jiang cheng #liu qingge #mxtx novels #so uh maybe I need to understand what a meta is #does this count I don't know #i don't want it to show up for people who have one or the other blacklisted you know?#im super nervous about that sorta thing #also hi please hi I'm not starting discourse on this okay I'm just a lady who really just treats this platform as a bookclub I lurk with #never finished tgcf so if mu qing ended up partnered it is without my knowledge

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surplus-of-sarcasm · 10 months

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I don't know if your asks are open atm, but I had this thought and I wanted to see your take on it-

Villain meets hero in civilllian identity and gets them suuuper drunk then just casually kidnaps takes them home. I want to see/read the pov of hero waking up with villain's unyielding arms curled around them, and the panic (on hero's part) and smugness from villain that ensues.

You can ofc ignore this if life is too busy rn, I would hate to burden my fav writers on here.

Heyyyy! Thank you so much for this ask, and I deeply apologise for the criminally late answer. I love this idea, so I hope I did it justice. 💙💙

TW: (Lots of) alcohol use, fear of death

Words: 2 k

Hero didn’t remember the last time they’d genuinely laughed this much, or the last time they’d gone out with anyone, and it hadn’t magically turned into a disaster. There was something oddly familiar about this gorgeous civilian, those clever brown eyes, the soft waves of their hair and that enviously confident smirk. But they couldn’t remember where, which was uncharacteristic of them because the hero never forgot a face. Maybe their date was really so magnetic that they were making them unable to think straight. Maybe they really were falling for them from their first time out together, which was something they’d deemed impossible, being generally hard to sway.

“So, what do you do for a living?” they asked the crime-fighter.

“Mechanical engineer,” they answered around a bite of steak. It wasn’t really a lie; the hero fought crime mainly at night because they had their civilian job to keep them busy in the morning.

“It seems stressful,” they replied, turning the full weight of their knowing gaze onto the hero. It was almost like Hero was completely transparent to them, even though they were told they were normally extremely difficult to read.

“Yeah. How can you tell? Do I really look that tired?” the crime-fighter asked, letting a soft laugh make its way into their tone.

“Oh, absolutely not. You’re tantalisingly attractive, doll. I’m just good at reading people.”

No doubt about that. Hero smiled at them, still somewhat nervous, but entirely flustered. Their date’s velvety voice was so impossibly smooth that they knew they could listen to it for hours on end. They were getting that weird sensation in their stomach again, what was it called, butterflies? They’d always found it ridiculous, never one for romances and cheesy movies, but here they were, suffering the same symptoms they used to mock before, and they weren’t even upset.

“I think you need to let loose,” they commented, pulling the hero out of their reverie.

“I am letting loose. I’m here, not working. And I’m already pretty relaxed, so I’m great,” the crime-fighter replied evenly, and they really weren’t lying. They’d needed this for quite a while, actually, so they weren’t sure what their date saw that they apparently didn’t.

“Would a drink really kill you?” they asked, taking a sip from their own glass.

“To be fair, no, but I’d prefer not to.”

“And why’s that?” The person across them raised an eyebrow, seemingly confused. “You a lightweight?”

At this, the hero laughed, not airy or false, but really it was painfully ironic. Their blood was different from a normal human’s, a side-effect of their powers, so it was somewhat difficult to get them drunk. Despite that, Hero knew that once they started drinking, they just wouldn’t stop, and a drunk, highly-powered individual, who was also partially lovesick in an area chock-full of civilians sounded a bit too much like a wonderful idea.

“Not at all. It’s just that when I drink, I can’t really stop,” they replied with a nervous chuckle.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you don’t go too far,” their date promised, smiling earnestly.

And the hero relented, which absolutely terrified them because they were usually so stubborn that their own boss suffered trying to convince them to do things sometimes, things being mainly: taking time off work. Yet, all it took was a few smooth words and a seductive smile.

But a few glasses later, and all their worries disappeared into thin air, and everything turned rose-coloured. The beautiful civilian had pulled them into a slow dance, even though they were the taller and stronger of the two, physically speaking. Were they really this malleable when drunk? They could still drink more, before they were completely out of it, but their date’s firm hand on their shoulder, their fingers skirting along the hero’s collar, the passionate kiss to their jawline were more than enough to stop them from thinking straight. The crime-fighter could barely breathe, smiling almost hopelessly as they let themselves be dipped and twirled by their new paramour, who shouldn’t have possessed the strength to be able to do that.

They shouldn’t.

Hero was starting to overthink, and they really weren’t going to let anything ruin this moment, so in their drunken stupor, they trudged back over to their table and asked for more wine.

“But darling, didn’t you ask me to tell you not to go too far?” their date asked, somewhat concerned and only slightly tipsy themselves.

“I also told you I’m not a lightweight, and sober me is a bastard,” they attested with a weirdly determined look on their face as they downed yet another glass.

Their lover laughed and hooked a hand into theirs, and the hero didn’t even care to ask where they were going as long as it was with them. They didn’t care that their surroundings seemed to change every five minutes, all of it melting into an amalgamation of colours and lines that the crime-stopper could barely identify the differences between. They were jumping from activity to activity, remembering each one a little less than they remembered the others, simply euphoric that their date was with them through it all, with their sweet words and their dangerously addictive touch. Oh, and the drinking, more of it than they ever fathomed was possible, from some fancy bottle with a French name they weren’t going to try reading to a cheap six-pack of beer from a supermarket and so much in between.

“Y’ know, you should stop doing that, if yer really worried about me getting any more in-intoxicated,” they slurred, as their date’s fingers carded through their hair, the hero leaning against their shoulder on a park bench.

“Well maybe, you should stop being so cute, dove,” the villain purred, lightly stroking the hero’s neck with their fingers, leaving a trail of fire on their skin.

Villain? Now, they were seriously out of it, all the way to the hallucination stage.

The crime-fighter let out a loud cackle, their umpteenth of the night.

“What is it?” they asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I just th-thought y’ were the villain. Y’know, the one fr’m the news? That crazy bastard.”

“I think you’ve had too much to drink, dear.” And with that, their date pulled them into their car, and then everything faded into pitch black darkness.

♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣

Hero woke up with a throbbing in their head and a horribly dry throat, which was what they’d have normally called a Tuesday, except something, nay, everything seemed off. Most of their form was cushioned against an extremely soft surface, definitely not their old mattress, and they could take a leap and say the sheets were silk. For a second there, they wondered if they were in a hotel room, and a seemingly expensive one at that. The carpet, furniture and the walls were all muted colours, and the furniture was made of mahogany, or at least it looked like that, with simple gold accents for decoration. A modern painting hung above their bed, mostly haphazard streaks of soft pastel shades on a canvas, and the half-open curtains kept a terrace behind them.

Normally, if the hero woke up somewhere they didn’t know, which happened an alarming number of times to the point that they’d gotten used to it, they would start by looking for a way to escape if they needed to, ergo, they usually didn’t take the time to admire the tasteful decor.

The truth was, they were using their surroundings as a futile attempt to distract themselves from the vice-like grip of someone’s arms around them.

“Ah, so you’ve finally woken up. Took you long enough,” their date’s silky voice crooned. Villain’s silky voice.

The second their eyes flitted over to the insignia on the criminal’s neck, a wave of recognition instantly rushed over them with so much force, it almost felt nauseating. Last night, the villain must’ve had it covered up with makeup or something because the crime-fighter wasn’t the only one who could recognise that mark. The villain was practically a celebrity now.

“How?” Hero rasped out, their eyes wide, lips parted and face flushed with shame at their inability to identify their own nemesis.

The villain’s impossibly smug smile had definitely become even more smug as their eyebrow twitched upwards in amusement. “To your credit, you hadn’t seen me without a mask before. And I’d covered my mark up. For all you knew, I could’ve simply been a lookalike, so no need to tear yourself up over it, lovely.”

“How’d you know it was me?” they questioned, raising a hand up to their left temple, rubbing it with their fingers, only for the criminal to gently push it down and do that themselves, and the hero despised how they seemed to melt into the touch, how it actually seemed to dull the pain of their migraine.

“Vigilante is a mutual friend. They thought we’d be perfect for each other,” they stated simply, like Hero was supposed to nod and get on with their day.

Except Vigilante hadn’t thought to tell them, blindly trusting the villain.

Hero bit down on their lip, a worried crease forming in between their eyebrows. “I didn’t question it either. I ignored my suspicions, I could have and may as well die, or get tortured or whatever because I was too reckless! People can die if I mess up,” they stated bluntly, breaking out of the villain’s hold.

“Even if I turned out to be so evil, what makes you think you can’t fight back? Yesterday, even when you were drunk out of your mind, you punched that crude stranger that hit on me senseless without effort. No powers used. And, like everyone else, Hero, you deserve to have someone to trust,” they answered gently, cupping the crime-fighter’s cheek with their hand.

“I’d just met you,” they breathed out softly, shrinking in on themselves, nothing like the charismatic, daring hero from the news articles.

“Well, I’m afraid trust involves risks, sweetness, I don’t make the rules. And if I seriously wanted to torture you, don’t you think a dirty cell and chains would make more sense?” they quipped, hoping to release any of the tension.

Hero snorted. “Yeah, I suppose torturing me in a hotel room wouldn’t quite work.”

“This is my humble guest bedroom, not a hotel.”

The crime-stopper sneered at the word humble. Of course the villain had to be a millionaire. A mechanical engineer’s salary wasn’t supposed to be something to sneer at, but their boss was a bastard and hero work didn’t pay for crap. Not why they did it anyway. They guessed that this was revenge for when the hero had forcibly paid for dinner.

“For how long was I in your arms?” they asked suddenly.

The villain snickered. “I came to wake you up, and let’s just say you get quite clingy when you’re half-asleep.”

The bold redness of their face, along with its burning heat travelled down to their neck like wildfire. The worst part was that their greatest desire was just for the villain to hold them again.

Luckily for them, Villain pulled them into their arms again, the hero quickly relaxing into their touch as their shoulders sagged and the villain dissolved the headache in their temples with their gentle touch.

They nuzzled their head into the crook of their enemy-turned-lover’s neck, pressing a kiss to their cheekbone, only for the criminal to let out a soft laugh and kiss the hero’s hair.

Taking a risk is a far cry from what one would see in a movie; a rose-coloured promise of adventure. It is a structure built on trust, a gamble for a building material; either as fragile as glass or as unrelenting as reinforced steel. Yet sometimes, the instincts of even the least trusting person to ever exist will tell them to follow their heart’s desire because as strange as it seemed, love could leave you infinitely more intoxicated than a river of champagne could ever dream to.

Wanna be on the taglist? This'll take you there!

✨️Le Taglist: @larinzz @syberianjade @lateuplight @altu-interactions @enbious-prince @astr0-mj @thelazywitchphotographer @addictedsandwhichaki @justalittlecorrupted@quaggasus @theangstyclown @vernilliom @mothmancommitsarson @starssabove @kurai-hono-blog @talkingsperm @a-fucking-simp-00 @muffinrebel44 @sunnynwanda @annablogsposts @cardboardarsonist @itsmyworld23 @onlywhump @shr3ya @crotchgoblin69 @wtfevenisausername

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bookaddict24-7 · 2 months

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REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

EVERY WEEK I WILL POST VARIOUS REVIEWS I’VE WRITTEN SO FAR IN 2024. YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY GOODREADS FOR MORE UP-TO-DATE REVIEWS HERE.

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51. The Clue in the Diary by Carolyn Keene--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Four stars because I've been waiting to get to this one in the series. We finally meet Nancy's series boyfriend here and he is a very keen guy. So swell. LOL. To be honest, knowing that he becomes her series boyfriend made it all the more obvious because of his behaviour. While he wasn't the first guy to catch Nancy's eye, he's the one that was the most persistent.

The mystery in this was pretty good--it made me feel like I was watching a mystery show. I think it might be one of the more layered mysteries so far in the series. And I don't mean that in that it has multiple mysteries, but in the sense that it felt like it had more heart than some of the other books in the series (so far).

Anyway, this was the last audiobook at the library of this classic series, so I don't know if I'll be reading beyond this, but maybe one day I will.

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52. The Winter King by C.L. Wilson--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

I came across THE WINTER KING on Tik Tok and I remember thinking, "This sounds like a book full of tropes I'm going to love." I was correct.

Wilson has created a beautiful and fantastical slow burn of a romance where the spice and sexual tension may be immediate, but the romantic part of the story is a slower burn. And the best part is that while these two are coming together and pulling apart, there is an actual fantasy storyline happening at the same time. There was always something happening and it was all being told in dual POV, which I'm very grateful for.

I'm a sucker for a FMC who has always been underestimated and treated less than she deserves, only for her to prove everyone wrong and for things to finally go her way. This book was full of those moments and they were like catnip for me. The brooding hero making her feel like she isn't wanted, when he in fact is too scared to get close to her because he wants her? Yes please, melt me.

Also, the side characters were great! Especially a younger one that comes into the story later on. Everything just came together so beautifully and ugh, I'm so glad I finally read this.

I highly recommend this for anyone who wants a slowburn, but sexy fantasy novel that also has a pretty great storyline.

By the way, I went to bed very late last night because I kept adding ten more minutes to my audiobook timer. I couldn't stop listening!!

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53. The Language of Seabirds by Will Taylor--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

THE LANGUAGE OF SEABIRDS, right from the beginning, has this beautiful and nostalgic air to it. Over the span of a few days, we get to see the MC learn more about himself, what it means to speak up, and the power that words and actions can have. It also shows how infallible even parents can be when they are somewhat just as lost as we feel.

Dealing with divorce, a father who is acting differently than normal (given the circumstances and his one too many drinks), and that in between chaos of deciding what life will look like post-divorce, our MC's summer isn't off to the best start. When he sees a mysterious and cute boy running on the beach past his temporary summer home, it sets of a chain of events.

Their adventures (and misadventures) over those two weeks gave me the greatest sense of nostalgia for those summer nights that can only truly be experienced while being a kid. The ending took me out, emotionally, and had me teary eyed in bed at 330 in the morning.

Also, I want to say that this book is 100% a middle grade book because the characters are only 12, but this is probably one of the most beautifully written middle grade books I've read. It felt very literary and almost older than the intended audience--not because of content, it was all very age-appropriate--but because of that feeling it made me feel of summers lost, and the way the story is written and presented. I think this is a great book for people of all ages to read, especially those who want to reminisce on their first loves, especially those who couldn't pursue said first loves because sometimes there can be truly negative consequences, or simply the fear of acknowledging that love.

The author also included an author's note about what he wanted to invoke in this book and truly, he fully did his work. What a gorgeous and under-appreciated book.

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54. How to Bite Your Neighbor & Win A Wager by D.N. Bryn--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'll be honest: I never knew this book existed until I came across it on Libby. It looked fun (from the cover alone) and listen, who doesn't like a vampire romance now and then? I will say, though, that while this cover is very indicative of the emotion between these two characters during this act, this book was surprisingly...not what I was anticipating?

I thought this book would be spicier and just MORE. By the end of the book, I felt both relieved and a little let-down. Relieved because I was counting down the minutes until the audiobook ended and a little let-down because, like I said, I wanted more. I wanted the climax of the story to give me more. I wanted the romance to feel more...passionate? I don't know. It all felt a little too easy? And at times, I totally forgot these characters were adults. I thought that this could have easily been a YA novel, the main difference is that these characters are old enough to work office jobs.

I did like the diversity (both racially and body-type). I also really liked the one MC's best friend, she was great and I loved that she kept that MC levelheaded.

I enjoyed how they fell in love. It reminded me of past novels I've read where one MC shouts out that they love one of the characters, which gives me that "Aw" feeling. But I'm still a little salty that this was a vampire romance and it wasn't very sexy.

Anyway, if you like contemporary fantasy novels with vampires and close door romances, I think you'll enjoy this one. Was it silly at some points? Sure. But well, it wasn't the worst vampire book I've read!

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55. Hideaway by Nora Roberts--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Another day, another Nora Roberts book I've thoroughly enjoyed. I'm beginning to see the somewhat formula behind some of these books and I'm not going to lie, for the moment, I'm really enjoying said formula.

One of the beautiful things about HIDEAWAY is the familial love and how thoroughly this MC is loved. And even though I had to suspend my disbelief in the beginning (how is a ten year old capable of so much???), I was hooked.

Roberts has such an addicting way of writing. Her books are so much more than the fluffy romances people have always classified them as. Yes, there's romance in this, but it's also a thriller with some people who would heavily benefit from serious therapy.

It was also interesting seeing such a wealthy family have such a warm core.

Will definitely be picking up another Roberts novel!

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56. You & Me by Tal Bauer--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

⬆️⬆️ Real footage of me after I finished reading YOU & ME after only sleeping for two hours because I couldn't put the book down.

Listen, I'm an avid reader. There are some books I love and then there are some books that make me say, "I don't care about sleep, give me all the pages." YOU & ME was one of the latter books for me. I wanted to know what would come next, I wanted to know if these cinnamon rolls would get their shit together, and I especially wanted to see the father/son relationship be healed.

This book has hype behind it and it is completely worth it.

This is like one of those rare books that you immediately know will both linger with you long after it's done, and will be something you're going to re-read in the future.

I loved their love, I loved their relationships, and I loved seeing the unravelling of the mess that we are introduced to in the beginning. This is a story about love, hope, friendship, and heart. I loved it so much.

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57. Barbarian's Prize by Ruby Dixon--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I was excited for this one because LOOK AT THAT GORGEOUS COVER! While it's not my favourite book in the series, I found it did hold some pretty important themes.

The FMC is dealing with some serious trauma after being r@ped various times when she was captured at the beginning of the series. I think that's one thing that's easy to bypass in the past few books--the trauma these women went through after being capture is sometimes swept aside in order to get some sexy times. But I liked that Dixon let her FMC heal herself before she gave her heart to her mate. I'd call this book more a sobering moment in this spicy series.

I liked the MMC because he knew what the FMC needed and how to respectfully approach her. Maybe the bar is set in hell, but I thought it was sweet that he wasn't as pushy as all of the other male aliens around them. God, that's such a weird sentence to write. LOL.

Anyway, onto the next one!

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58. Mindy Kim, Class President by Lyla Lee & Dung Ho--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I think that books like this one are such important reads for the little readers in our lives. Not only does it teach the reader more about a culture (key words and phrases and snacks), but it also teaches them the importance of kindness, bravery, and how to approach scary moments in life.

Mindy faces her class's presidential elections in this one and while the teacher comments on the importance of voting and using that right we all have, we also watch Mindy overcome her fear of public speaking and how it's okay to be an adult with fears (her father), or my favourite, how it's okay for adults to have stuffed animals.

I love seeing Mindy grow in each book and I will never get over how adorable she is! I think this is a great and under-appreciated series.

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59. Indian Horse by Richard Wagamese--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

INDIAN HORSE is an emotional punch of a book. I think it's definitely one of those books that will haunt the reader for a very long time after the very last page. It was beautifully written, but it was also written with the phantom blood of those poor children who suffered, died, and were permanently scarred by residential schools.

Triggering is one of the first words that comes to mind when I now think of this book, but it's also so incredibly important.

This is the perfect of example of using and excelling at something to run and try to escape from the monsters in the dark, but that not even something you once loved can be a permanent escape. Monsters always find a way to find us in the end.

God, this was a beautiful and heartbreaking book--made even more so knowing that while this is a fictional story, the events are not wholly confined to this book. The horrors these children suffered will forever haunt our society. The cowardice and monstrosity of using religion to dehumanize people is something worth burning in hell for.

So, though it is triggering and traumatizing, INDIAN HORSE is a must read, since sometimes it is the most jarring books that have the greatest impact.

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Have you read any of these books? What are your thoughts?

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Happy reading!

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