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fireflysummers · 9 months

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Good Omens S2

Okay so.

Excellent Job, Gaiman

Ouch???

I don't like to publicly talk about my personal life. My academic life is my professional life is my artist life. But my personal life? Not so much, outside of vignettes.

But for the past several months, I've been deconstructing a lot of personal baggage and trauma surrounding both family and religion, after leaving the cult I was raised in (mormonism).

It's terrifying to realize that the framework you built your entire self on is false. It's exhausting and painful to deconstruct that framework, to disentangle your identity in the way that won't destroy you.

And it's slow.

Nobody ever tells you how slow it is to heal. You can't control the rate you heal either. You just have to be patient with yourself, and give yourself an environment where that healing can occur safely and naturally.

Anyways.

Good Omens, and its weird tendency to be exactly what I need when I need it.

I first read Good Omens in high school. And honestly, I didn't quite get it, at the time. I only knew it was different from every other book I've ever read, one that didn't treat religion as stupid or trivial, but also one that called out the blatant hypocrisy and control tactics involved. It helped me safely challenge a status quo I hadn't even realized existed.

I first watched Good Omens partway into my Master's Degree. It was everything that I could've hoped for. I understood the book a lot better, but the TV adaptation captured my struggles with mental dissonance, trying to understand and accept the parts of my identity that I was taught God didn't want.

I watch S2 a year into my doctoral program. I'm out of the cult, and it's exhilarating and painful and scary and fun, but I can still feel the scars its hooks left when they were torn out.

I feel like S2 Aziraphale is in about the same place. He's exploring his freedom, but also trying to reorient himself. He's trying to let himself be. He's healing, but his boundaries got overridden due to circumstances out of his control (naked Gabriel). He's been pulled back into the gravity of the abusive system he tried to escape, given a carrot on a stick, and isn't yet healed or strong enough to resist.

On top of that, Aziraphale is still holding onto the hope that the problem was bad individuals, not a corrupted system. He thinks if the leadership is different, things can change. He thinks if he had more authority in the system, he could make things change. And... that's not how it works.

And Crowley. Dear Crowley.

He wants Aziraphale to be farther along in his healing than he is. Honestly, Aziraphale wants it too. But again, you cannot force this kind of healing, even when it results in a loved one making some truly stupid decisions.

Crowley sees the system for what it is. He's already deconstructed that part. But he hasn't really started addressing his own trauma. He's hinged his entire existence on Aziraphale, on being what Aziraphale needs, that he hasn't allowed himself to heal either. And Aziraphale, who is vulnerable and healing, is not able to provide the support that Crowley would need to recover safely.

Which is why them separating is probably the best thing for both of them.

It won't be permanent.

But they don't communicate, and their relationship while delightful and beautiful risks unhealthy codependency that prevents either from really growing or healing.

Anyways, what I really hope to see next season is Aziraphale's realization that the system never had his back. That the system is what's wrong, and that he can't win by playing at respectability politics or gaining a higher status within it.

I want Aziraphale to get angry.

He deserves it. He's tried so hard. He thinks he's lost Crowley over it.

I want him to feel the gut-wrenching despair of realizing how conditional and fleeting the system's version of love is, and I want it to turn into a rage.

But not a destructive rage--the sort of anger that Pratchett ascribes to himself and many of his works. The sort of anger that fueled Discworld and Good Omens. The sort that can be finessed into a weapon and a shield, that can be used to protect the people who truly love you.

For millennia we see Crowley fighting for Aziraphale.

For Season 3, I want to see Aziraphale fighting for his demon.

For him to apologize, without the expectation that Crowley will come back, but because he was wrong and Crowley needs to know it. To not expect forgiveness, not even think he deserves it.

And then for Crowley--who is trying to hide his heart eyes at seeing his avenging angel coming to save him for once, who he can tell immediately has changed, and is finally going Crowley's speed)--for Crowley to give that forgiveness, without strings attached.

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens season 2 #good omens spoilers #good omens season 2 spoilers #aziraphale #crowley #anthony j crowley #long post #text #religious trauma #religious abuse #recovery

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unforgivablego · 9 months

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Careful with spoilers of season 2

You know what I thought about?

During every quarrel between Crowley and Aziraphale, it’s Crowley who leaves Aziraphale at the end. Yes, we all understand that both are to blame for quarrels and they both act stupidly, which is why they cannot agree in any way.

But look at the first season, where in the bandstand scene, Aziraphale breaks off relations with words, and Crowley, instead of saying something caustic in response or continuing the conversation, just leaves.

He seems to be avoiding the pain that Aziraphale's words bring him. He prefers to be the last to end, instead of staying.

Nevertheless, we all say that it is the Aziraphale who is to blame for all the quarrels, that his faith and dependence on Heaven are to blame for everything. But let's not forget that Aziraphale is an angel and let's look a little from the other side. Aziraphale has clear signs of Religious Trauma Syndrome. And Crowley sees this.

Okay, we can assume that Crowley just thinks the angel is an idiot.

But look, if you are fighting with a person that you love and really want to solve the problem between you, you will never run away.

In the first season, when Crowley returns for Aziraphale after an argument in the bandstand, he escapes again at the end. He always has the last word.

When Aziraphale tells Crowley about Gabriel and asks for help. What does the demon do? Gets angry and leaves.

This is what happens in the season 2 finale. Crowley leaves dramatically again, he leaves Aziraphale alone with his doubts. Again. He doesn’t help him in any way, he doesn’t try to understand, doesn’t try to listen. He gets angry, explodes, screams, burns up from a half-word, roughly kisses Aziraphale, and then leaves.

I think only this doesn't give them a chance to talk. Crowley can't take the rejection and runs away from it as soon as possible.

Aziraphale says "Nothing lasts forever" and what does Crowley do? He puts on his glasses and leaves. After all, he cannot know what the angel means, he read something of his own in his words, decided something for himself and was like: “Okay, whatever, I went.”

Yes, he gave the angel a choice, but he didn’t understand why Aziraphale chose one and not another. Usually, this is not how it works in relationships. If you love someone, you will listen to him. Yes, Crowley is in pain, and it's entirely Aziraphale's fault, but instead of facing his pain, Crowley runs away from it. I don't blame him for that, but they're both disgusting in conflicts.

Aziraphale refuses and tries to explain why. Yes, his words that of course Crowley didn’t agree to work for Hell, because they are bad guys, and Heaven is good and he should be on their side, hurt Crowley no less than anything else. Because he has long chosen his side, and Aziraphale continues his speech that it is better in Heaven, he seemed not to have listened to the demon all this time. His moral principles, his faith in the Goddess and in the Plan are just a part of him. After the first season, we still see the angel doing good. This is his essence. He can never give up Heaven. His faith is too strong. This angers Crowley. It just kills him.

We’ve seen how Crowley releases his anger, how he is unable to control his anger. And at the moment when they quarrel, Crowley continues to break down, raise his voice, get angry. He is the type of person who, if something doesn’t suit him, he will not try to solve the problem, he will get rid of it. We saw a parallel with plants. Crowley doesn't try to cure his plants, he treats them roughly and then kills them. This is his problem.

He does the same with Aziraphale. Instead of staying and discussing everything, instead of starting the conversation again, saying everything and listening, he just runs away. This brings pain not only to Aziraphale, but also to himself.

They are both just idiots with zero understanding of how to resolve conflicts. They love each other and want the best for each other, but they just can't agree. They treat each other selfishly, considering only their own opinion to be correct. They don't listen to each other. Because of it, they can't understand that they are both trying to do everything for each other. They try to protect each other, but each in their own way. They cannot hear pure care, tenderness, love and protection in each other's words. And for 6,000 years they haven’t learned anything.

All they really need is a conversation. A conversation in which Aziraphale won't mention sides and Crowley won't run away. A conversation in which they can convey their feelings to each other and finally come to an agreement.

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edgar-fujioka · 9 months

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okay so of course i could just write an angry rant at Aziraphale, blame him and say it's all his fault. And of course i'm mad at him like "i forgive you" THE FUCK YOU MEAN I FORGIVE YOU WELL I DON'T FORGIVE *YOU*-

but my point is, it's nobody's fault. As much as i hate it, as easy it would be to blame him, it's not Aziraphale's nor Crowley's fault. The problem is the conflicting priorities, values and motives and well, of course, their communication.

Crowley just wants to be with Aziraphale, he loves him obviously, he even offered him to run away together to Alfa Centauri and when he saw Beelezbub and Gabriel do what he always wanted - he thought that maybe, just maybe, it's now possible for him and Aziraphale as well. He doesn't care about heaven nor hell, he just cares about "their" side - them and only them. He doesn't want to go back to being an angel - he no longer is one for a reason. He doesn't want to go back to hell either. He just wants to be with Aziraphale and that's it. Maybe also keep his Bentley.

While Aziraphale is an idealist. He wants to make a change. He genuinely believes in people being good and archangels being good even though they treat him like trash. He firmly believes he can make heaven a better place, which means he can see it's flaws but he still thinks he can single-handedly fix it. Well, who am I to judge, as an archangel actually maybe he can. We don't know that. But Crowley seems skeptical. And if they kicked out Gabriel just for saying no to a plan... I don't think he has huge chances. But I digress. The point is, he believes it. And it's important to him. He views it as his duty. Sure, there is a place for Crowley in his idealistic version of reality - in heaven, with him, like the old times, everything perfect. But this vision doesn't include how Crowley himself feels about it. And as we established, Crowley doesn't want to go back to heaven.

Actually he kind of does the same thing. He offers Aziraphale running away together, not thinking whether he could do what he wants (making heaven better and performing his duties in general).

So again, they love each other and want each other to be in their lives but also don't really see or understand each other's needs and goals. And there is way too much tension and unsaid emotions between them to sit down and try to talk about it, instead they have to shout at each other and be lost and not understand why the other one doesn't see it the same way. If they had more time, if their feelings for each other weren't being repressed for so long, they could talk it through, take it slower, establish that they love each other and that they're each other's top priority and start building from there. It would at least prevent some miscommunication about each other's priorities, because for us it's painfully obvious but for them, it isn't.

But well, it wasn't the case. So Crowley gives up. He realizes that he proposed Aziraphale a future together, he opened up and was honest about his feelings and he turned him down both of the times. He thinks it's a lost cause, it'll never work out, there is nothing more he can do and he'll be heartbroken and alone forever. So if he never sees Aziraphale again, then he can at least do what he had wanted for millennia. Because sure, it's gonna hurt, but he won't feel the consequences if he'll never see him again. So he kisses Aziraphale. Just to know how it feels, just to remember this moment for eternity, even if every time he remembers it it's gonna hurt like hell itself. Or heaven, for that matter. And the kiss is awful. It's forced, Aziraphale is shocked, hurt, he doesn't know what to do but he doesn't kiss Crowley back. And Crowley kisses him still, to remember what it feels like forever, because it's never gonna happen again. At last he retreats, knowing that whatever reaction he might get, it probably can't be worse already.

And then Aziraphale says "I forgive you". He looks almost betrayed, scared, aching. We don't know if he wanted it. He probably did. But surely not under such circumstances. And the mix of guilt, righteousness, fear, regret and somewhere there the desire to kiss him back and never let go make him so confused and lost that he doesn't know how to react. But in the end the betrayal of trust that a forced kiss is, probably also a destroyed another one of his perfect visions of their first kiss but also the good in his heart that doesn't allow him to be properly mad at Crowley make him say only the simple "I forgive you".

Which for him is probably a positive message. But for Crowley it's acknowledging that he did something wrong. That he had hurt his Angel. And he can't bear the thought. For him it's a point of no return. So he leaves.

Aziraphale stands there, still in shock but he doesn't have the time to process, because Mettatron comes back with his offer. He agrees because really, what else is there to do? At least it will keep his mind busy. That's how he copes. After their little argument back in the 19th century I believe, he was learning how to dance with a bunch of kind gentlemen that made him forget. At least for a moment. How did Crowley deal with it? We don't know. Probably not the best. We've seen how he reacted when he thought Aziraphale was dead, in the burning bookshop. It didn't go well. And I doubt it will this time. To sum it up, it's terrible. It's awful. I hate it. So Neil... We better have a season three full of fluff. But honestly, I don't know how they could possibly fix this. If you're reading this far, congratulations and thank you, I'll go back to crying now.

#i'm still on Crowley's side tho #i've been there #good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale

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cigarettes-and-cinamatography · 9 months

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GOOD OMENS SEASON 2 SPOLIERS AHEAD.

"you can't just leave the bookshop?"

"Oh Crowley, nothing lasts forever?"

Yeah it's fine, didn't need my heart anyway

After waiting four years since season one I was ecsatic to finally watch season two and we got so many awesome features! Seeing Crowley before the fall, him and Aziraphale's first meeting? It was all so brilliant to be back in the world of good omens. I especially liked that they didn't do what a lot of franchises do and just forget character's past angers. When Crowley was alone with Gabriel, he was angry. He was still upset about finding out how Azirphale was really being treated and therefore told Gabreil how angry he was.

Now, let's talk about that ending. Whilst watching it? I was sobbing my eyes out, I mean full audible ugly sobs. Now? I'm just pissed. I'm so sick and tired of seasons of queer shows ending like this, there are far more depressing queer stories out there than happy ones and I'm sick of it. The ending of season two immediatley made me think of the ending of the first season of Our Flag Means Death. At least the gentlebeard kiss was a happy one! Aziraphale didn't kiss back and just looked upset and uncomofrtable afterwards. I agree with Crowley for the fact that I wouldn't want to associate withe Heaven or Hell, they're both corrupt and toxic and I think Crowley and Aziraphale simply living in the book shop together would have been a far more fitting ending. I think it would be possible for Aziraphale to even take the arch-angel job and still live in the book shop if he'd only have to travel up to Heaven for meetings and such, he wouldn't need to live there full time.

Whatever this season was, it was defintley not "Gentle and romantic" (unless of course you ship Gabriel and Beealzebub of course). And the thing is, The scene was written, acted and filmed BRILLIANTLY. The reference to the nightingale and the ending of season one? I have nothing against the talent behind the project I'm just upset at the ending. I'm tired of queer couples having sad endings, especially ships like ineffable husbands that I and countless other fans look to as a source of comfort.

However, despite all this I am still looking on the bright side. I saw someone say they think the Metanome did something to Azirpahle as he did not enjoy drinking coffee until that point. The look on Aziraphale's face when he was told about "The second coming" also made me think he was about to change his mind. I was surprised when he actually got into the elvator as I was practically screaming "Don't do it" over and over again at my TV. I really hope a season three is greenlit and will show us Aziraphale questioning his choice and hopefully resulting in a happy ending for him and Crowley.

#good omens season two #good omens #good omens s2 #ineffable husbands

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rebeccasteventaylor · 9 months

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Right - time for my indepth and hopeless ramblings of Ep5 - The Ball

There’s a trace of the Doctor Who theme when Aziraphale bribes Mr Arnold with the 65 Doctor Who annual, isn’t there? And when Crowley tries on the fez.

Crowley is very shocked that Aziraphale is giving away books. The things Aziraphale will do for love.

There seems to be a shortage of demons….I suppose Beelzebub is keeping taken back so the attack is unsuccessful.

The sudden realisation by Crowley after Nina talks to him that people assume he and Aziraphale are together, that they have a love life. And also perhaps that Aziraphale is so focussed on Maggie and Nina’s love life because it seems so much straightforward than his own. Crowley has to go away to think about this - and then invite Aziraphale to sit down with a nice bottle of wine.

Aziraphale says smitten and then looks at Crowley with the exact definition of a smitten face.

Crowley has drunk the whole bottle in the time it took him to get across the road and up the stairs. Crowley’s tattoo has also moved a lot further down his face, I’m sure.

And he’s still so angry at Gabriel. Has he ever told Aziraphale what Gabriel said at his ‘execution’? I imagine not, as it would truly hurt Aziraphale. But it still festers in Crowley’s mind, every time he looks at Gabriel, every time he looks at Gabriel near Aziraphale he remembers Gabriel - who’s been treated so kindly by Aziraphale- telling his Angel to ‘shut his stupid mouth and die’

Crowley’s only friend.

Crowley really didn’t expect Jim to actually go to jump out of the window. Says a lot for Crowley’s kind heart (and not wanting to upset Aziraphale) that he stopped Jim.

Wait and see? Do you have any idea how irritating that is? I knew Wait and See was a line from this, Neil!

I love the whole Night of the Living Dead look of the demons arriving.

Mrs Sandwich is a seamstress in Aziraphale’s polite Regency hall! Just like the seamstresses in the Pratchett books!

Good Lord, Aziraphale is shipping Nina and Maggie so hard - he’ll be writing fanfic and doing fanart at this rate.

Gabriel is dressed as Liberace. That is a Liberace outfit. I’m not sure why he’s gone from Granville to Liberace but as I think Aziraphale must be created the outfit as he created everyone’s outfit as they came in, Aziraphale has a good reason for dressing Gabriel - Jim - as Liberace.

Aziraphale seizing the moment to dance with Crowley. And Crowley saying ‘we don’t dance’ - we know Crowley dances, we know Aziraphale dances - they’ve never danced together before.

Ooh, look at Crowley - using ‘is this written down in the rules?’ defence just like Aziraphale did against Gabriel and Beelzebub at Tadfield. Crowley’s learned a thing or two from that.

Crowley is rescuing the humans and then coming back and assuring Aziraphale he won’t leave him on his own and Crowley really is stepping up to hero role.

Hmm - Aziraphale’s ‘forget all about this’ miracle doesn’t work on Nina and Maggie. Why not?

‘You’re a good lad’ ‘Not actually, either’ Non-binary Crowley official then!

Aw ‘rescuing me makes him so happy’ as Aziraphale deftly proved with the French dungeon, the Blitz church… it so sweet (and so fanon!)

Now would Crowley allow any other Angel (except Aziraphale) to take him up to heaven? No, he obviously trusts Muriel. Well, him and Aziraphale pretty much adopted them on sight.

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens 2 spoilers

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bustyasianbeautiespod · 6 months

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i like when aziraphale goes “you know you really used to be quite awful” to gabriel bc he never really gets angry at heaven or other angels unless he thinks they’re being unfair to humans/humanity. he’s mostly just scared of them. also the fact that crowley is SO angry on aziraphale’s behalf about the whole hellfire thing is so much more poignant because aziraphale doesn’t even take that into consideration when deciding to help gabriel. it seems like when crowley views heaven and hell as bad, he’s viewing it as both a general badness and a personal one, where heaven cast him out unfairly and was cruel to his friend. while aziraphale doesn’t really seem to consider that he was personally being hurt by heaven. Like he sees it more as heaven is bad bc management is doing a bad job not because they also abuse their workers 😭

ohh interesting during my watches i read the "quite awful" was referring to gabriel's general smarminess and uncaring nature rather than him harming humans specifically but you bring up some good points! i do feel like he cares somewhat about how he's treated bc he complains in s1e4 to the metatron about the angels punching and threatening him, and though that was also wrapped up in him realizing they rlly do want the apocalypse and he can't convince them otherwise, he specifies that he wants to complain about their conduct. however he dismisses that concern very fast so yeah i do think the brunt of his issues w heaven are indeed like you said about management doing a bad job and not about employee abuse.

the not holding his execution against gabriel thing is so interesting though! i hadn't thought about it that hard besides "oh crowley's protective and bears the emotional weight of witnessing it firsthand so ofc they'd care more" but i also think that the execution would be. unsurprising? to aziraphale if he was actually there. like i think both of them were expecting hell to kill crowley and aziraphale went "and heaven's gonna do the same to me" and crowley went "huh?" this is based more on book characterization - the scene when crowley says that "your lot get ineffable mercy" and aziraphale's like "??? sodom and gomorrah?" - but we also get 1793 crowley's "and MY lot do not send rude notes." he doesn't think heaven and hell dole out equal levels of punishment, at least for small infractions. aziraphale's scandalized at the angels punching him when he's anti-apocalypse bc he thinks he's aligned w the true plan and shouldn't they know that but now that he knows he's a traitor he knows what heaven does with traitors! and gabriel passive aggressions him all the time so if anything "shut your stupid mouth and die already" would be a relief. so yeah he wouldn't consider it in his gabriel decision bc it isn't even a standout gabe moment for him

- Crystal :)

#asks

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eurhyic · 3 years

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Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship

Over the years, I have been apart of many, many fandoms. Each of those fandoms has had its flaws, and each has had its strengths. However, I feel that it is important to not only focus on the amazingly good stuff but also acknowledge the not-so-good stuff. In the Good Omens fandom, there is an overwhelming amount of good fandom stuff, but I also feel that there are some misunderstood things that we believe as a fandom. And there is no bigger misunderstanding that I’ve seen than of Aziraphale and Crowley themselves.

There have been having endless debates on twitter that are completely pointless in my opinion. I feel that these arguments start because people interpret Aziraphale, Crowley, and their relationship in completely different ways, and today, I just simply wanted to come on here and reinstate what is canon and what is sort of… changed or twisted… in fics and fandom.

Just as a disclaimer, I don’t actually care what you do. If you want to write fics with soft and insecure Crowley or Aziraphale comforting a crying Crowley after the Apocalypse, go ahead. This is the internet and I can’t stop you from creating. Hell, I would love to see some of those tropes! I simply want to remind everyone what is actually canon for my own wellbeing. Just to say quickly, I will specifically be referring to the TV adaptation of Good Omens in this analysis(?). If you don’t care to read this or you think you won’t be able to hold back from commenting something rude, you are completely free to click away right now. I am not responsible for your reactions to this post and I will not appreciate someone attacking me because I call Crowley an asshole. Don’t leave rude messages on the internet when no one is asking for them. Grow up.

Now, back to the matter at hand.

Aziraphale and Crowley both suffer so so much throughout the entire story. They overcome so much, together and on their own. However, I feel that their characters have been warped in some ways. I am simply here to reinstate in everyone’s minds that these things do exist and are canon.

What I came here to say is that people in the Good Omens fandom seem to forget that Aziraphale is a literal victim of abuse and that Crowley isn’t actually a “good person”.

I would first like to discuss the brainwashing and abuse that Aziraphale has had to go through on the regular when he associated with Heaven.

Aziraphale is led to believe that anything that he does is wrong and should be second-guessed. We are meant to understand this even in the first scene we see him. He is worried about getting reprimanded by his superiors for giving his sword to Adam and Eve, and when Crowley comes up on the wall, he teases Aziraphale, all of which fly right over his head. Aziraphale just simply cannot stop thinking about what he did, and from my interpretation, I assume that his body language and nervous responses, him stuttering and looking up and wringing his hands together, means that. But then when Crowley gives him a sarcastic compliment, not even a real one, we see Aziraphale so relieved that at least someone thinks the way he does. He is so relieved he doesn’t even pick up the ever-present sarcasm.

Later, throughout history especially, we see Aziraphale relishing in his time on earth. If we go by the scenes when Aziraphale and Crowley go to head office in around the early 2010s and we assume that Aziraphale has been going for regular check-ups unlike his Radio and Book counterparts, then we get more insight into his official relationship with Heaven.

I’m just going to say this now because I don’t wish to drag this post out. Gabriel is an abuser.

Gabriel brainwashes Aziraphale and puts him down constantly. It isn’t him just telling Aziraphale that he needs to "lose the gut", it's the canonical way that he tells Aziraphale that his ideas aren't worth anything and that he’ll fail at anything he tries (we see this when Aziraphale tries to report on the antichrist). Or telling Aziraphale just how he should feel about a situation (we see this in the deleted bookshop scene).

If Aziraphale is constantly and constantly hearing these things, it makes sense that he would be scared and insecure of anything that he would see as “stepping out of line”. He wants to be good. Aziraphale is a rule follower at his core, and the way that he is constantly put down hurts over so long.

The only way that Aziraphale is able to rebel in his own little way, is through Crowley and his spending time on earth.

The earth is something that he genuinely loves. It is a comfort to him throughout his nervousness and his situation with Heaven. And Crowley is the same. Crowley is associated with the earth to Aziraphale, and because of that, he simply cannot not love Crowley. Completely and wholeheartedly.

I have seen quite a few people saying that every time Aziraphale cut Crowley off, or “bit back” (ex. Saint James, the bandstand, and final breakup in front of the bookshop), is selfish. I think that is so far from the truth. He does all that to protect Crowley.

Aziraphale does so much for Crowley throughout their time together. While Crowley is jumping for opportunities to be with Aziraphale, Aziraphale is the one that takes a step back to see what the consequences could be (ex. the Globe).

I can assume that the main reason he does this is because he is afraid that something will happen to both himself and Crowley. Even in the Saint James and the Globe scenes, he is frantically looking around and at one point, softly utters that “…they [Hell] won’t just be angry, they’ll destroy you”.

After the Apocalypse, these habits would still be hard to break. He would hardly be in the mental state to comfort Crowley. He will still be looking around and making sure he isn’t being watched for ages. Not because a part of him thinks that Heaven is going to come for himself and Crowley, but because it has been wired into him to practice those behaviors over millennia.

Aziraphale acts like a victim of abuse, constantly overthinking every scenario and decidedly going with the one that he believes will have the least amount of repercussions.

Crowley on the other hand doesn’t.

I just want to start off by saying that Crowley is a bad person. He is a complete asshole. He is mean, and while he is meant to be likable, he is still a literal demon.

Yes, he is “just a little bit, a good person”, but the keyword is right there. “A little bit”.

Throughout the show we see Crowley doing terrible things. Now, he isn’t the type of person to think that genocide is a good idea, etc. Most demons, canonically don’t have an imagination. Crowley is the only one we know of who does, and even he admits that some of the things that the humans think up could never be thought up by a demon.

He mentions this in the book and in the first episode where he states “..the humans beat me to it”.

But besides that, I feel that so much of that fandom forget that he actually does not give a single shit about humans.

Yes, he thinks that humanity and their inventions are so fun and nifty, but I feel that so many people in the fandom forget that he isn’t nice to others and that he’s only nice to Aziraphale.

He gives people guns to kill each other in episode two, he hypnotizes Sister Mary a few minutes later, and he genuinely goes out of his way to make people’s lives harder just for funsies.

He is even mean to Aziraphale on multiple occasions. He asks Aziraphale to kill a child. And while he does so much good for Aziraphale too, stopping time for him, driving through fucking fire for him, and everything in between, he still is a nuisance to Aziraphale.

Crowley isn’t a good person, he is a demon. He is meant to be like that. He is from Hell and he knows what he’s dealing with — to an extent. Crowley has been treated terribly, but the worst we see from his ‘employers' are vague threats and raised voices, and while that could be a form of abuse, it isn’t exactly what Aziraphale has had to go through over his years with Heaven.

However, throughout all of this, one thing that I think mostly everyone can agree on is that Aziraphale and Crowley know these things about the other, and they’re still completely in love with each other. Their relationship is the first relationship in the world alongside Adam and Eve, and I just feel that it’s so wonderful how that is portrayed through the wonderful little love story that we have.

#i am tired #I wrote this at 2am last night and I am posting it #for some reason #listen #I probably explained this all terribly #but ya know #i don't want to bother my beta reader with it lol #please i love them so fucking much #and please ask if you have literally any questions just pls don't be mean to me lol #good omens #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #aziracrow

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wordsintimeandspace · 4 years

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Better With You (1/6)

Due to a petty feud between their respective department heads, Crowley and Aziraphale have been hiding their friendship for months. When they’re suddenly stuck in lockdown amidst a pandemic, Crowley is not coping well. Thankfully, Aziraphale is there for him - but their changing relationship means that keeping secrets from their bosses only becomes more of a challenge.

Crowley/Aziraphale, rated M (for chapter 4). Read on tumblr or AO3.

Crowley stared down at the pen he was balancing between his fingers, and imaged all the countless ways he could use it to get Gabriel to shut up right this second. For once he was glad that Gabriel was usually too self-absorbed to pay any attention to a code monkey like him - he had no doubt that not even his sunglasses were hiding his murderous fantasies, if the concerned glances Aziraphale kept shooting at him every now and then were anything to go by.

“So,” Gabriel finally concluded, clasping his hands in front of his chest, “if you could get that feature done by Friday, that would be great. The client is waiting.”

His condescending smile made Crowley’s blood boil, and Beelzebub let out an angry buzzing beside him. For a second Crowley thought they would leap over the conference table to strangle Gabriel until the bloody smile was finally gone from his irritating face. Crowley would pay good money to see that, but instead Beelzebub just shot up from their chair and slammed their fists down on the table.

“Absolutely not,” Beelzebub snarled. “That’s impozzible. Do you have any idea how much work that is if you don’t consider it at the beginning of a project?!”

Gabriel let out a huff, but otherwise didn’t falter. “Come on,” he said casually, as if he wasn’t just confronted with the fury of one of the most feared people in their company. “The lot of you down there in engineering should be a bit more flexible.”

“And the lot of you in client relations should actually do your job,” Beelzebub hissed. “You discuss these parts with the client right at the beginning, not one week before the deadline.”

“Listen, the client is the highest power in this company, and if they want this feature, they’re going to get it.”

Beelzebub apparently didn’t have an answer to that, because the client was the highest power, as annoying as that was. But that didn’t mean they backed down from glaring at Gabriel, fury and disdain radiating off them in waves. The tension in the room made Crowley’s skin crawl. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, glancing from Gabriel to Beelzebub and back, until his gaze finally met Aziraphale’s.

Aziraphale sat quietly beside Gabriel, nervously wringing his hands in front of his belly and looking downright miserable. Since both their bosses were still too busy glowering at each other, Crowley screwed up his face and rolled his eyes at him.

Aziraphale’s lips twitched as he tried to suppress a laugh. His eyes gleamed in a way that made Crowley’s heart skip a beat, but as soon as Aziraphale turned his attention back to the conversation the last bit of his smile was gone.

“Umm,” Aziraphale started hesitantly, wincing as both Gabriel and Beelzebub suddenly fixed their gaze on him. “We could ask the client for an extension of the deadline. I’m sure they will be understanding. They did apologize for making last minute requests after all.”

Gabriel’s face grew stern as he now glared at Aziraphale instead of Beelzebub, and Crowley quickly jumped into the discussion before he could open his mouth and all the despicable things that must be running through his head could tumble out.

“We could, ah, maybe reuse some code from the project last month,” he started, shooting a nervous glance at Beelzebub. “Shouldn’t be too complicated to adapt, yeah? Could be done in two weeks. Three, maybe.”

For a moment Crowley thought Beelzebub might rip his head off for accommodating Gabriel, who was most definitely the enemy in their opinion, along with all the others working in client relations. But then their face relaxed just the tiniest bit.

“Fine,” they hissed. “If you get us that extension.”

Gabriel didn’t look too happy, but then he nodded. “Fine. Aziraphale will take care of it.”

Beelzebub rushed out of the room as soon as they were done. Crowley hoped to get a minute with Aziraphale, but Gabriel barked at him to follow when he turned to leave, and all Crowley got was the apologetic look Aziraphale threw over his shoulder right before they vanished around the corner. Crowley let out a long sigh, picked up his pen and notebook and trotted back down to his office.

The engineering department was in the basement, a bit too dark even for Crowley’s sensitive eyes. It always felt a bit too damp, a bit too cold to be comfortable. Crowley passed the posters on the walls, both the ominous “don’t lick the walls” posters he was used to and the newer, slightly unsettling “wash your hands” ones, until he reached his office and slumped back into his chair. The hand hygiene posters with their red, bold letters had been up for a week now, ever since the whole virus situation was getting a bit more serious. It made Crowley nervous, although London seemed to be safe so far. He knew that he should probably check the news more often than he actually did, but he also didn’t feel like he had any mental energy to deal with that sort of the thing at the moment. Meetings with Beelzebub and Gabriel always left him drained.

But no matter how bad a meeting had been, there was always one single person in this blasted company who could make him feel better. It was just what he needed right now.

Crowley fished his phone out of his pockets and opened his contacts. Right at the top was the person he was looking for: Angel. A nickname he had proposed one evening after too much wine had made him bold for once. It still made Crowley’s stomach flutter every time he read it. And beside of that, it served its purpose: no one would know that Crowley was consorting with the enemy, if anyone in the office would ever catch a glimpse of his screen.

Crowley sent a text: ‘How about Vietnamese for lunch? My treat.’

The answer came just a minute later, but Crowley still jumped in his chair, his heart skipping a beat in anticipation.

‘Our usual place?’ Aziraphale wrote.

‘Sure. Wherever you want, angel.’

‘Temptation accomplished.’

Crowley, who usually tried very hard to keep his reputation as a sleek bastard among his colleagues, couldn’t help but smile.

~~~

The prospect of seeing Aziraphale was way too distracting for Crowley to get any real work done for the rest of the morning. It had been a while since they’d met properly. It had only been polite nods in the corridors or annoying small talk in the elevator in the last few days, apart from the blasted meeting with their insufferable supervisors. Usually they met once a week for lunch, but both of them had been busy recently, and Crowley rarely had time for more than a sandwich scarfed down in the break room.

Crowley let out a sigh of relief when it was finally lunchtime and hurried to grab his jacket to get out of the building. Their usual place was a tiny restaurant a few streets over, so hidden between the large chain restaurants that they didn’t have to worry about running into their bosses or colleagues in there. Crowley had passed it two times a day for months on his way to work, but he had never even noticed it until Aziraphale had suggested it as their secret lunch spot, gushing over the delectable pho.

Aziraphale was already there when he entered, occupying a small table in one corner that shielded them from the view of the few other patrons. He was focused on the menu, reading glasses perched on his nose, but immediately looked up as Crowley approached. His lips curled into a smile so bright that it made Crowley’s head swim. Looking at Aziraphale’s smile was like staring into the sun, sometimes, filling him with such a warmth that Crowley feared he would burn one day.

“There you are, my dear,” Aziraphale said. “I was afraid Beelzebub would have pulled you into yet another meeting.”

Crowley snorted, sprawling into the chair opposite from Aziraphale and blushing faintly as his eyes seemed to follow every movement of Crowley’s too long limbs. “No, thankfully not. I think they had enough after that spat with Gabriel to deal with any more idiots today, including me.”

“You’re hardly an idiot,” Aziraphale tutted.

Crowley let out a sigh, letting his head loll back. “I must be, working in that hellhole,” he muttered.

From behind the menu, Aziraphale gave him another disapproving look. “Now you’re just being dramatic.”

“I’m dramatic?! When it’s Gabriel and Beelzebub who have declared themselves mortal enemies, even though they work for the same bloody company?”

“Well…” Aziraphale tilted his head, considering.

“Really, angel, how could I not be dramatic in response to that? This whole thing is ridiculous. We’re hiding that we’re going for lunch together, for Heaven’s sake!”

“You do have a point, my dear, but-”

“It’s not even against the company policies!” Crowley continued, too agitated to stop himself. “I mean, we’re friends, it’s not that we’re da-” Crowley managed to snap his mouth shut before any more words could tumble out.

Dating, that’s what he’d been about to say, but he couldn’t bring these words over his lips. It was a train of thought Crowley very much did not want to follow, because it only ended in the conclusion that he definitely did want to date Aziraphale. Wanted to hold his hand and wrap his arms around his middle and maybe kiss his pretty pink lips-

Aziraphale cleared his throat, pulling Crowley out of his thoughts before he could get to even more dangerous territories. A faint blush coloured Aziraphale’s cheeks. “Well,” he started, his voice a little wobbly. “I agree that it can be… inconvenient. But it’s probably better this way, for now. Can you imagine Gabriel’s mocking if he ever finds out?”

It stung a little, Aziraphale’s words. That meeting him was inconvenient. That being with Crowley was actually something worth mocking, and that Aziraphale cared enough about the wanker’s opinion to hide it. The hurt must have shown on his face, despite the glasses still obscuring his eyes, because Aziraphale’s face fell. He reached for Crowley’s hand on the table, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I didn’t mean it like that. And every bit of inconvenience is more than worth it, my dear, if I get to spend time with you,” Aziraphale reassured him with a such a soft smile that it made Crowley’s eyes sting.

“Thanks,” Crowley managed to croak out, distracted by the gentle brush of Aziraphale’s thumb on the back of his hand. They had never touched before, not properly, intentionally like this. Aziraphale’s skin was warm and soft against his own. The caress sent a shiver down his spine, right to his toes, and Crowley let out a shuddering breath. Christ, if he was already this affected by such a small touch, what a wreck must he be when Aziraphale got his hands on him properly?

Crowley shook his head, banishing the thought before it could get him into any more trouble. Suddenly too shaken to bear the gentle touch any longer, he snatched his hand away and grabbed the menu so quickly he nearly knocked over his glass of water.

“D’you already know what you want to eat?” he started babbling, eyes wandering over the menu without taking in any of the information. “The dumplings were good last time, yeah?”

He felt Aziraphale’s piercing gaze on him, and for a second Crowley thought he wouldn’t get away with the sudden change of topic. But then Aziraphale pulled his hand back, leaned back in his chair and interlaced his fingers on top of his belly.

“I was thinking more of the cao lau this time,” he hummed.

Crowley let out a breath. “Sounds good,” he croaked.

The conversation flowed easily, as it always did with Aziraphale, once they’d ordered their lunch and steered away from any dangerous topics. Crowley relaxed as the meal went on, his nerves soothed by Aziraphale’s quick wit and humour, all the things that had drawn him to the other man ever since they’d gotten to know each other properly. It had taken just another argument between Gabriel and Beelzebub for that, a petty fight that forced them both to work late one evening, scrambling to overhaul a project just days before the deadline. They had quickly realized that they got things done quicker if they worked together, and also discovered that they genuinely liked each other’s company.

Ever since there had been hushed conversations, secret lunches, and occasionally, when Crowley was very, very lucky, a few drinks after a long day at work in Aziraphale’s cosy living room, where Crowley would lounge on the couch and Aziraphale would sit in the armchair, both of them surrounded by too many books to count.

Crowley didn’t even remember when exactly he’d fallen in love with Aziraphale. Maybe he had been right from the beginning, and every word, every look from Aziraphale over the past few months had just pushed him one step closer to damnation. It didn’t help that sometimes, Aziraphale would look at him just so, or say things that would make hope bloom in Crowley’s chest, both sweet and suffocating.

“We could, ah… maybe go for dinner on Friday after work? How do you feel about sushi?” Aziraphale said at the end of their meal, just when he was about to leave - a few minutes before Crowley, of course, because surely Hell would freeze over if they walked into work together for once. “It’s going to be a busy week, and I suppose we could both use a little treat by then?”

Crowley stared at him for a long moment before his useless brain finally comprehended Aziraphale’s words. His stomach swooped, because while they were used to going for lunch during their breaks, dinner was new and brought so many new possibilities that it made Crowley’s head swim. “Sure. Sounds good, angel,” he finally managed to get out, and Aziraphale beamed at him like Crowley had hung the stars.

“Wonderful,” Aziraphale cood, patting Crowley’s hand one more time before he got up. “I’ll look forward to seeing you, my dear.”

~~~

As it turned out, they did not see each other on Friday. Crowley had finally managed to read the news that afternoon, scrolling through the headlines with growing anxiety, but he was an optimist at the core and still didn’t expect the turn of events crashing down on him in the following week. London wasn’t as safe as he thought, and neither was the rest of the world. On Wednesday, all restaurants closed for the foreseeable future, including Aziraphale’s favourite sushi bar. On Thursday, chaos and panic broke loose as a co-worker from another floor that Crowley barely knew tested positive and half the workforce was put into quarantine. On Friday, instead of meeting up with Aziraphale after work, Crowley was officially and indefinitely banished to working from home. He spent the day in his uncomfortable designer chair in his too dark living room, staring at the wall as he tried to wrap his head around the situation and wondered what he had done to deserve things going so very wrong just another time.

#good omens #good omens fic #ineffable husbands #ineffable husbands fic #crowley x aziraphale #my fic #my fic: better with you #welp I'm a bit nervous about this #because of the topic and because it's my first GO multichapter and my first GO AU #honestly I did not expect to write a lockdown AU #but I needed some self indulgent hurt/comfort #to cope with all this #so here we are

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wanna-b-poet31 · 5 years

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Would I Lie to You?

It would not be inaccurate to say that Crowley lies. Alot.

In fact, while I’ve previously talked about how Aziraphale lies through his teeth, TO GOD, TO GABRIEL, and >most heartbreakingly< TO CROWLEY, Crowley is the infinitely more creative and believable liar. He has significantly fewer tells (when not stressed, like you know, after his lover best friend died), watching him seems so much more natural than the twitchy, anxious, Angel we all know and love.

He has some notable lies throughout the mini-series:

Some are minor with big consequences, like in the reports where he takes responsibility for Humanity’s misdeeds.

some are omissions, like when he deliberately He fails to tell the higher-ups in Hell about his knowledge about the Anti-Christ, the location of the Anti-Christ and neglected to correct Hell about it.

Some are a matter of self-preservation, like when he hides his intimate relationship with Aziraphale from Hell

Some are for protection. He says he wants the holy water for “insurance” and when Hastur comes after him (and threatens to go after Aziraphale), his claim comes to fruition. He, however, lies several times in an effort to protect himself and Aziraphale,(and I suppose the world) from Hastur’s wrath. You can see this most notably after Ligur’s death, which makes these lies also kinda a personal “fuck you” to Hastur, (but he’s murderous so he deserves it sorta)

And Finally, some lies are directly in an effort to save Aziraphale. Most obvious of which is when he *spoiler* Impersonates Aziraphale (An F to the U to Heaven kind of lie)

But. NEVER. Once. does. he. lie. to. Aziraphale.

Unlike the demons who he easily deceives at any given moment (particularly in defense of Aziraphale), he refuses to lie to the deceitful.

Are you Satan and have just “blessed” Crowley with the staring role in the Apocalypse? Yeah, great (lies through his teeth about wanting to partake).

Are you a Duke of Hell inquiring about where the Anti-Christ is and trying to confront Crowley about his relationship with Aziraphale? “So Longggg Suckaaas” I’m gonna lie lie lie and possibly kill you for coming towards me and Aziraphale.

Are you heaven trying to torture my best friend >lover< with hellfire that will surely kill him? Not today motherfucker, because guess what? Now I’m him and I’ll lie my ass off to protect him.

Are you an Angel who shows free will and loves humanity as much as he does? 404 Error lies not found.

This is not to say he’s always honest about his feeling with Aziraphale. God knows he has really bad communication skills. “NGK”’s and stammering aside, he has an unfortunate self-esteem issue which inhibits his confidence and ability to be fully transparent. This is to say nothing about the 1960′s “go too fast for me” interaction which does little to encourage him. And God, Satan, fuck knows he’s so desperate, to be honest about this, but so scared about being rejected, (and concerned about making Aziraphale uncomfortable, because he’d be rather walk on the consecrated ground than have Aziraphale feel pressured to go a speed he’s uncomfortable with).

Anthony J(anthony) Crowley, OR What’s In A Name?

Which, let’s talk about surprise confrontations, namely when he’s confronted about his name. Names, I think it’s fair to say, are intimate for Crowley. Not only does he have a canonic deadname, (that fuckers like Hastur continuously use despite knowing he doesn’t use that word), but he is very selective about how open he is with it. In many ways, the Nazis “out” his full name, and despite this, he is transparent, answering Aziraphale’s questions about it. This is, remember, after falling out, and (presumably) not seeing each other for almost 80 years. He is uncomfortable clearly, (although part of that is attributed both to the Nazis and the consecrated ground he’s prancing around on) but he’s still directly ready to start communicating about it.

But, despite his apprehension, I don’t think he even lies through omission. When he says the J is “just a J really”, I believe him.

Firstly, because he has no reason to lie about it at this moment and then immediately switch to honestly tell the Nazi’s that he intervened with the bombing, and is sending one directly down on them. Although he’s not believed by the Nazi’s, we (and Aziraphale) know that he’s being honest here and that his priority, above even his own safety, is protecting Aziraphale. There seems to be no reason, to me at least, then for him to code shift here.

Anthony J-“Acts of service” Crowley, is in the middle of yet another demonstration of his love. While he might be hesitant to disclose his motives (see: the few seconds of resistance when at the satanic church-turned-paintball-retreat between telling Aziraphale he replaced the paint guns with real guns and revealing no one is killing each other) but he’s in the middle of rescuing Aziraphale, his comfort is very rarely a consideration he calculates for. Choosing to lie about something so personal, and yet taken out of his control is well within his rights. No one is entitled to out him, or you, without express consent. However, it is out of character for him to do so given how much he trusts Aziraphale and needs his acceptance.

Which brings me to the second reason I believe him. Trust.

In this short exchange, he can tell when Aziraphale hears his secret name, the angel is not accusatory, or dismissive, or betrayed, or really particularly judgemental. Sure he asks “Anthony?” with an intonation denoting confusion at the revelation, and having the information conveyed not through Crowley himself (as he was with “Crowley”), but a third party, and an untrustworthy third party. But even when Crowley presses “don’t like it?”, with a trying-not-to-be-scared-at-rejection air of confidence. Except, he’s not rejected. Aziraphale responds “no, I’ll get used to it”, placing the onus of learning on himself and not on Crowley for unexpectedly choosing a first name. Demonstrating, to Crowley at least, that he can be trusted with more information, without the harsh reaction he’s come to expect from Heaven or Hell.

Look at the above GIF, and focus on the way Aziraphale asks “What does the J Stand for”. His face isn’t angry, (despite being miffed at Crowley not a full minute earlier when he suspected Crowley to be behind Nazism). He’s certainly not focused on “you’ve been hiding a name from me”, or feel entitled to know why he’s just finding out the name. Instead, he’s giving Crowley the opportunity to reveal this information on his own terms. And, effectively, removing power from the Nazis by ignoring them, and by making the conversation about Crowley’s preference. He’s giving Crowley an out here. Asking what it stands for puts the ball in Crowley’s court, not the Nazi’s, not Aziraphale’s, not Heaven or Hells, but Crowley's. He has the power to reveal as he pleases without an expectation or negative reaction. Aziraphale isn’t demanding, he’s asking permission.

Then, Aziraphale subsequently doesn’t bring it up again. Not that night, not 20 years later, not as Nanny, and not at the Apocalypse. He only calls Crowley by his preferred names, and we never see him pressure Crowley to reveal the rationale. The ball is, still, in Crowley’s court.

Whenever Aziraphale asks a question, no matter how light-hearted or serious, he will always give an honest answer, even if it sometimes goes over the angel’s head. >see: Crowley being a blubbering mess because his best friend died and Aziraphale not quite understanding that the best friend is him<

The Final Solution

I think a perfect example of his complicated, but raw, honesty towards Aziraphale specifically, is his request for holy water.

So this is a tense interaction, and arguably really abrupt given both Aziraphale’s surprise and the two friendly interactions we’d seen beforehand. However, never once during this whole request does Crowley lie. Sure, he’s being cryptic, trying to speak in code “because the trees have ears”, but when he says it’s for insurance, not a suicide pill, it is for insurance.

He, more than anyone else, can tell that his relationship with Aziraphale has morphed in such a way over the thousands of years that he knows exposure would put him and, more importantly, put Aziraphale, in danger. We don’t see much of Hell, but we can deduce that if Hell ever found out about it --if it all goes pear-shaped -- they would be subjected to horrific consequences, possibly torture, probably holly water.

Aziraphale, simply, does not believe him that his only motivation is protection because it is too close to his own fears about Crowley being destroyed.

Which is why I think Crowley’s so upset about the word “fraternize”. First, there is a class element involved with the Victorian use of the word (usually referring to someone of a higher class interacting friendly to a lower class member). Where Aziraphale may have meant comradery (and brotherhood, which also not how Crowley views their relationship) Crowley certainly acts as if he took it to mean Aziraphale was speaking to him like an enemy or an “inferior” species.

This is only further supported by Aziraphale’s accusatory “we may have both started out as Angels, but YOU are fallen”, placing (in my opinion) too much emphasis on Crowley’s fall (a huge retraumatizing trigger for him). But this whole characterization of their relationship is a lie Aziraphale tells himself to repress his fears about Heaven’s traumatic treatment of him. By this point in their partnership (as we’ve seen) both he and Crowley go out of their ways to treat each other as equals.

To deny it, to repress their feeling is a slap. in. the. face.

Further, the audience for lying clearly matters to Crowley. In the relative privacy of the park, Aziraphale says “fraternize”, which doesn’t do enough justice for the kind of intimacy the uniquely share. It implies they could be enemies or strangers (which they aren’t, they’re at least friends). Crowley is so intimately aware that even now, in the 1800′s, it’s them (and humanity) against divinity. And, Crowley refuses to lie to Aziraphale, especially about the sort of relationship they share. Sure he won’t tell the other demons, and sure as hell won’t tell the angels how deep their relationship goes, but in this private moment, where he’s approaching as a partner (not an adversary)? It would be the worst kind of lie. It would ignore or erase the new space they’ve created for themselves where they can be equals.

In the above gif, we see Crowley angry and lash out. He says harsh words and insists that he doesn’t need Aziraphale.

Since we’re counting, I don’t think this is a lie. Now, no, it is untrue, he clearly does need Aziraphale in his life, but he’s just been smacked in the face with the insinuation that they are not equals, they are not friends, they are enemies, and I believe him at this moment, a very hurt Crowley, decides if that’s how Aziraphale is going to treat him, then Crowley will treat him like he treats everyone else in his life. He doesn’t need them. He doesn’t need God, even though he talks to her; he doesn’t need Hell or Beelzebub, even though he curtsies to them; he doesn’t need Heaven, even though he will endure them for his Angel. So, clearly, if Aziraphale is going to ask to be treated like everyone else, he will.

At the moment he says I think he means it. Crowley cannot nor, given how everyone else in the series treats him, should not make time for someone who won’t take his concerns seriously. If Aziraphale is going to act as if he thinks so little of their relationship, then he doesn’t need Aziraphale in his life. Essentially, If he can’t be seen as an equal, he’d prefer not to be seen at all.

A Queer Little Lie

Although, this is a temporary truth, and one Crowley is more than willing to correct because he cares about Aziraphale in a way he never does for his hellish counterparts. Crowley cares too deeply to wish Aziraphale any real harm, even if Aziraphale can’t call a spade a spade. Crowley knows that he’s being lied to. He knows that Aziraphale is as afraid of repercussions as he is. He also knows that Aziraphale is not “out” in the same way he is.

Although that’s a post for a different day, you can certainly read Crowley and Aziraphale as being different kinds of queer. Crowley is the outed queer, abandoned, kicked out of his home, and really never given the choice to come out of the closet. Like his name, it was done for him. Aziraphale, in contrast, is the closeted queer who either knows his family will reject him, so he does his best passing, or he has been conditioned his whole life to believe being out in the way Crowley is wrong. He knows that his “family” who is supposed to unconditionally love him, will reject him, and so he has developed the protection of lying. It gives him a sense of safety and control over his situation, letting him (albeit unhealthily) cope. He’s afraid to take that jump over the edge.

So, to protect himself and Crowley, Aziraphale lies.

Knowing this doesn’t mean Aziraphale isn’t hurting Crowley. He is.

But, Crowley understands both the fear and pain that comes with the rejection and is doing his best to provide the support that is being denied. He sure as Hell would move heaven and earth to demonstrate the extent of his love and commitment to Aziraphale in a way that Heaven never does. Where Heaven and Hell lie and gaslight and hurt Azira, Crowley meets him with kindness, even in the face of these lies.

He shows as much in his rescue in 1941, and again when Aziraphale once again lies and says “we’re not friends…I don’t even like you” in the bandstand. These lies actively hurt Crowley but not once does he retaliate with. Instead, he meets Aziraphale with blunt honesty. Saying “yes you do” doing everything he can to get Aziraphale on the same page, and share their truth.

Look at the above gifs. Not only does Crowley KNOW Aziraphale is lying, but Aziraphale knows it too. While he clearly loves Crowley and has loved Crowley for some time, his inability to work through his anxieties and rely on Crowley as a support system, as a partner, he can’t come to terms with his own trauma.

So, Aziraphale lies.

He lies and he hurts Crowley. He lies and he dismisses Crowley’s honesty. He lies and he harms himself because they both know this is a facade he can’t keep up much longer. He lies, because everything else in his life is unstable, and he’s desperately trying to cling to the stability Heaven claims to provide. And, Crowley still meets him with honesty and forgiveness.

And honestly, it breaks his heart (and mine) to belied to so damn much. Under normal circumstances, Crowley could be patient. He could wait for Aziraphale to come to terms with their relationship almost for forever. But, shit hits the fan, and he needs to show Aziraphale that two of them need to stop dancing, stop being cryptic, and cut through the bullshit for once.

Which brings me to the first Gif of this meta. Take a moment, scroll the ridiculous amount up, and just look at the indignation on his face. in the earlier gif “Would I lie to you?”,

He clearly consciously makes a point to never lie to Aziraphale, despite it supposedly being “the demon’s way”. Not in anger (like at the bandstand) not even if it’s uncomfortable (like when he’s criticizing Aziraphale for being so clever and so stupid), not even if the angel is (knowingly or unknowingly) hurting him with his lies.

Crowley draws the line at tainting his relationship with the kind of lies Heaven tells, and the kind of disregard Hell tells. Because despite the lies he’s told by Aziraphale, Crowley knows who he can trust, who he needs on his side, who he wants to spend the end of the world with, and it sure as hell isn’t Hastur or Beelzebub.

Because at the end of the day, Crowley knows what the two of them share together. One great way to see this comparison is to checkout @theladyzephyr ‘s meta on Crowley and his glasses. Because while he does let his guard down for Aziraphale (even if only drunk), his autonomy, his consent to be himself is constantly being taken from him. His name, his glasses, his support system (including Aziraphale), and everything he loves is taken from him.

Aziraphale, for all his lies, does not cross the most sacred of personal boundaries as Hell does. He genuinely cares for Crowley even if he’s scared, and when the chips are down he will pick Crowley, pick humanity, and pick their side. He shows remorse for his actions and is clearly just as hurt by his own lies as Crowley is.

More importantly, he comes back. He joins Crowley, and helps support Crowley, and does his best to empower our demon to heal.

TLDR: Crowley refuses to lie to Aziraphale. Many Hearts are broken. Aziraphale does his best. Someone give Crowley a Hug.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk!

@aardvark-crowley

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tiredandineffable · 5 years

Text

A Bit of Wrath Never Hurt

This is my first entry for fictober 2019!

Summary: Aziraphale rants about his hatred for Gabriel and, despite 6000 years, sometimes the angel still manages to surprise Crowley.

....................

“Do you trust me?” Crowley asks. There’s a whisper of a plea behind his words, concern behind amber eyes. Aziraphale had been free of Heaven’s hold for a few weeks now and every step, every temptation, every minor deviance he caves to feels like a mountain. An eternal mountain. One he’s climbed over and over again and one he will climb over and over again. Crowley had told him that’s how it would feel at first, that every decision he made for himself would feel heavy on his shoulders. They absolutely do. Every decision he’s made in the past few weeks has reminded him of just how different life is now.

He’s broken Heaven’s rules plenty of times. He’s just never broken them for his own gain. Every time he went against orders, he did so for humanity. He’d given away his sword, lied to the Almighty, and lived to tell the tale. He’d turned a blind eye to the stowaways Crowley had snuck onto the ark. Maybe She had seen his actions for what they were. A mercy.

But this is entirely different. There are no humans to benefit from his sins this time.

There’s no Heaven to berate me for them either.

“Yes,” he says finally, swallowing down his worry.

Crowley cracks a smile and leans back into his seat, feet up on his desk. The concern is still there in the awkward little shifts to his seated posture, but it’s lessened substantially if his boneless lounging is any indication. The location is perfect, just as Crowley had insisted. There are plenty of things to break that are replaceable, unlike in the bookshop. “Go for it, angel. It’ll be fun, trust me.”

Aziraphale takes a deep breath. His fingers twist together in their characteristic way, locking once he’s finally settled on what to say. A breath out and-

“I have hated Gabriel since before Eden.”

It’s a start. Not as spectacular of an explosion as Crowley had hoped, but it’s a start.

“I hate the way he thinks he’s intelligent when really, he’s a garden variety buffoon. I have never in my life met a being - on Heaven, Earth, or Below - that has infuriated me as much as him.”

Aziraphale is pacing now, losing himself to the rant and boy is this new. He’s not shouting but he’s being actively mean and Crowley, despite being the one who had suggested this in the first place, had not expected that to come out until at least their second or third try at this. The angel (former angel?) never ceases to surprise him. “Go on. What did Gabriel do?”

Aziraphale throws his hands up in the air. “What hasn’t he done, Crowley?” Voice raised. Also new. Kind of hot. The last of the worries melts off Crowley’s shoulders and the lean of his chair is precarious. “I mean good lord, Crowley, he once disregarded my application for promotion because he simply did not understand that humans cannot handle seeing us in our true forms anymore. He would have me appear to humans in my ethereal body, like some old testament principality. The humans explain away unidentified objects in the sky on a daily basis, Crowley. For me to appear to them would be futile at best. I mean really. Were it the first century, perhaps, but now?”

“And have you seen how he treats minor angels?” He’s getting worked up, cheeks reddened in a way Crowley can’t help but find endearing. He barely takes a breath between rambling lines. “I would not be surprised if he has never learned the name of a minor angel in his life. One time he sent one to ‘pick up correspondence’ from Hell. Nearly got the poor boy killed. Of course I intervened. The correspondence never existed in the first place. He simply found the boy annoying and hoped he’d take a while, thought he’d bought himself some time without a minor angel asking him workplace questions.”

“For an angel, he is utterly incapable of feeling the love and mercy required of him. Let alone expressing it,” he finally adds, frowning into thin air. “The owner of no one good quality! He’s a...a…”

“An asshole?” Crowley offers. He’s grinning like an idiot but he doesn’t care. When was the last time Aziraphale let himself get angry, really and truly angry? When was the last time he’d let himself hate something? He has every right to. He’s been hurt, been used, been trampled over time and time again by all of his superiors, not just Gabriel. Crowley has wanted desperately to strangle them all, to burn half of hell down to ashes because how dare they treat Aziraphale as they do. How dare they take advantage of his good nature, of his constant and unwarranted mercies? How dare they hurt him simply because they could? Crowley cannot count how many times he’s been as worked up as Aziraphale is now, ready to fight God above if it came to it. But he never had because it would have made things worse. Every action he’d taken had resulted in an action taken against Aziraphale.

Besides, had he done so, Aziraphale wouldn’t get the satisfaction of burning it down himself.

Baby steps, Crowley.

“Yes! Gabriel is an asshole! Of the worst kind!”

It’s surprise, not disapproval, that causes Crowley to raise a brow but Aziraphale retreats, face falling as he takes in Crowley’s expression. Have I stepped too far? Have I done too much? He fumbles with his hands again, no doubt attempting to formulate an explanation, and Crowley is about to intervene and reassure him when Aziraphale’s expression morphs again, cracking a tentative grin. No heaven to berate me. “We’re free. No rules.”

“No rules,” Crowley agrees. Nothing in our way. Just you and I for however long you’ll put up with me. Crowley leans onto his elbows on the desk. Here for whatever you need from me.

Aziraphale takes another breath but this time it’s different. This time he’s catching it, recovering from one rant only to go right into another with the excitement of someone who has literally bottled up his every emotion since the dawn of time and is just now realizing he doesn’t have to. “I utterly despise him! I believe there are far more qualified angels who should have taken his job! I think he’s incapable of love!”

He grabs a vase-

“He may just be the worst angel ever created!”

Takes care to gently set the flowers on the desk-

“Fuck Gabriel, honestly!”

And with that, he throws it against the wall with supernatural force. This would earn a “wahoo” if Crowley weren’t still in shock.

“Feeling better?” he asks instead, smirking. The angel looks up from the shattered glass with a matching grin.

“Absolutely.”

#fictober19 #good omens #good omens fanfiction #good omens fanfic #good omens fic #Ineffable Husbands #ineffable husbands fanfiction #ineffable husbands fic #ineffable idiots #crowley #aziraphale/crowley #aziraphale x crowley #crowley x aziraphale #Aziraphale #my writing

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the-real-anywolf · 4 years

Text

Destiel Advent Calendar 2019

Title: An Avalanche Of Fluff

Tags: Established Destiel; Castiel’s Plushie Obsession; Buying on eBay Has Never Been So Much Fun; Fluff; Smut; Explicit Sexual Content; Astroglide Makes an Appearance; Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester; The Plushiepocalypse is Nigh; Battle of the Puppy Dog Eyes, HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRANKIE!!!

Summary: Even though he’s running out of space, Cas keeps adding to his plushie collection. When Dean buys him ‘just one more’, and Sam is nearly crushed by an avalanche of them, he stages an intervention. Cas might be as good at giving the puppy dog eyes as he is, but he will not be swayed… nope.

Written by: @anyreiart (anyrei), @eyesofatragedy67 (Eyes_of_a_Tragedy) & @punk-is-notdead (tfw_cas)

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21765409

Notes: *ahem* It's mugglerock's birthday, people. Let's celebrate! Every time you read the word plushies(1), take a shot, lol!

Any here: Happy Birthday, Frankie! ( @misspoogy ) Day 12 of our Advent calendar is our surprise fic for you! We love you so so so so much and wish you all the best for this day!

Trex here: Frankie, sorry not sorry for the sneak attack, but you're the bestest, and deserve all the plushies(2)! Happy Birthday, bb! Love you so mush! *throws Dean's pink panties at you*

Ruk here: Surprise!! *throws sparkly birthday confetti* Happy Birthday Frankie, we love you loads. Also sorry not sorry… for all the fluff. We hope you enjoy this fic as much as we enjoyed writing it. 😘😘

Additional Note: Ruk and Trex wrote a birthday fic for me earlier this year and this is kind of the follow up chapter. You can read how the plushie(3) obsession started here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20769434

Day 12: An Avalanche Of Fluff

Ever since Cas had won that giant panda - with lots of help from Dean, of course - his collection of plushies had gotten larger and larger. It had gotten to the point that Dean was worried that one day he would return to the bunker and the plushies would have taken over.

Also, there was the slightly bizarre matter of Cas naming them all after different angels. And not just ones he'd liked either; he had a snake named Naomi, and a skunk named Raphael.

Most of them were angels Cas liked and missed, though. Even Gabriel, who was apparently a hyena.

There was also a squirrel named Dean, and a moose named Sam, and Cas kept them separate from the others, on a shelf in the kitchen. Dean got into the habit of saying good morning to them when he was in search of his morning coffee. He knew it was kind of silly, but it reminded him of a certain King of Hell, who’d ended up becoming one of their greatest allies.

Cas had named one of his plushies after Crowley too; it was a rat, but not a dirty one. Cas treated it almost like a beloved pet, which Dean found quite endearing.

Despite the ever growing number of Cas’s new friends, Dean found himself encouraging his hobby. Dean knew he shouldn’t, but every time Cas got a new one he was so damn happy… and so damn grateful too.

Sam though…

He didn’t seem to be very happy with the plushies turning up everywhere. Cas’s new plush bee, that didn’t have a name yet, had been standing in front of the little container on a shelf in the kitchen. A container Sam stored his teabags in. When he grabbed it in the morning the bee slid from the shelf and fell into his bowl of cereal, splashing the milk everywhere. Sam had given him an impressive bitchface, as he fished the drenched bee out of his milk.

“You better get that milk off him before Cas sees. Hurry up and wash him real quick.” Dean gestured towards the sink, wondering if Sam was going to carry it over, or throw it from where he was sitting.

To his relief, Sam started to wash the bee in the sink, shaking his way too long lion's mane. "He? Does this one have a name, too?"

“Actually, I dunno. I just figured it looked like a ‘he’. Cas is still thinking of a name for this one.”

Sam held up the dripping bee with a sceptical look. "Don't you think Cas has enough stuffed animals by now? They seem to be everywhere."

Dean shrugged. “They make him happy… just like bacon makes me happy.” There was another reason Dean didn’t object to Cas’s little plushie obsession, but he wasn’t going to admit it to Sam or Cas. If Cas kept them all at the bunker, he wouldn’t leave again, right?

Sam put the dripping bee down on the kitchen counter. The antennae were hanging down, giving the wet bee a sad look. “Can you even still go into your room? I mean, how many plushies does he have by now?”

“Er… I actually don’t know. I lost count. But I have to get one more for him; it’s super rare.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “I’m beginning to wonder if the plushies are your obsession, too.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Sammy,” Dean huffed. Sam was kind of right, but he wasn’t going to tell him that, was he?

“Of course you don’t,” Sam said, sarcastically. “But if this carries on, I’m staging an intervention.”

He sat back down and ate his now-soggy cereal, and Dean got the impression that the conversation was over for now.

"Who made you the plushie police?" Dean muttered under his breath. He finished fixing his cup of coffee and walked out of the room. He had an eBay auction to win.

***

Dean was parked on his bed, computer across his lap, staring intensely at the screen. So far, no one had added an additional bid on the beluga whale Dean was trying to win for Cas; but he was poised, ready to up-bid, in case someone tried to snipe him.

With only fifteen minutes left on the clock, the door opened and Cas came in, smiling at the sight of his boyfriend on the bed, laptop at the ready.

“Hello, Dean. Are you waiting for me?” He quirked his eyebrow in that way that made Dean’s breath catch and walked over to the bed.

"I'm always waiting for you, sunshine," Dean smiled and grabbed Cas's hand, tugging him down onto the bed.

Cas found Dean’s lips with his own, and kissed him so insistently, that if Dean hadn’t had the laptop perched on his lap, it was very likely that Cas would be on top of him instead.

He pulled back an inch or two, and sighed contentedly. “There’s a lot more room on this bed now that we moved my plushie collection to my old room.”

Dean laughed. "My memory foam didn't remember me anymore." He cupped Cas's cheek in his hand, brushing that chapped lower lip with the pad of his thumb.

Cas joined in the laughter, laying back and placing his hands behind his head. “What’s on the laptop? Is it a special video?”

"No, babe, I finally found that whale you've been looking for. I'm currently the top bidder, so no distracting me, okay?" Dean mock-squinted at him.

Cas sat upright, his face now a picture of seriousness. “I would be very grateful if you won the whale for me, Dean. I’ll wait with you.” He squeezed Dean’s hand for luck, and kissed him gently on the cheek.

Dean knew where this was leading, as Cas climbed behind him, chin on his shoulder so he could observe the countdown. A new bidder had upped him by chump change, so Dean added $100 to his bid.

"There, that should discourage-" He gasped as he felt a hand snake down to brush over his dick, encased in cotton sweatpants. "Caaaasss…"

Cas licked over the back of Dean’s ear, and growled into it. “Just a little distraction until you’ve won the whale for me.”

Dean bucked up into Cas's tightening grip. "Dammit, Cas! You know this isn't fair," he whined. This wasn't the first time Cas had pulled this kind of move, but damn was it always a wild ride.

“Concentrate on the screen, Dean.” Cas said, as if it was that easy. Then, just to add a little more torture, he slipped his other hand up under Dean’s shirt, and found one of his nipples with his fingers.

"Easy for you to say, you toppy asshole," Dean grumbled. But he stayed focused on the bids, not because Cas told him to - at least, not solely because of that - but because he really wanted to see Cas's face when they won.

“I love it when you talk dirty,” Cas breathed heavily behind him, and planted an open-mouthed kiss on the back of his neck.

His angel upped the torture by slipping his hand into his pants. Dean moaned at the brush of calloused fingers on his cock. "Cas, please?"

“Please what?” he asked, as he began to stroke agonisingly slowly.

"Oh, shit, Cas, please?" Dean rambled, as Cas's strokes got firmer and faster. "Wanna come for you. Spill into your hand, see my come all over those beautiful fingers. Wanna feel you inside me so bad, baby. Please, fuck, pleeease!"

Dean felt Cas shudder behind him; his resolve obviously weakening. “Patience… I’ll make this so good for you once the bidding is over.” His actions didn’t quite match his words, however, as his grip became a little firmer.

"Unh, I hate you so much right now," Dean grunted and turned to nip at Cas's jaw.

“Yeah, that’s right. Get angry… it’ll be so much better when you get your release,” Cas purred. A sudden gasp was accompanied by a loosening of his hold on Dean. “What’s that on the screen? Has someone outbid you?”

Dean turned back to the screen to see the bid now five dollars higher. "Oh, like hell! I need that for my angel.” Dean bid another hundred and glanced at the clock. Three more minutes. He'd be damned if he was going to lose this.

“Focus… we must focus on the task, Dean.” Cas tightened his hold again, and started to stroke once more, and now he was adding a series of little kisses to the backs of Dean’s ears and his neck.

"Fuck, you're killing me, Cas!" Dean's hips thrust up to meet Cas's hand. "Don't you dare fucking stop, 'k?"

“I won’t stop until the clock does,” Cas panted, and grinded the lower half of his body against Dean’s. He was obviously as affected by this little game as Dean was.

With less than a minute left on the clock, there was another increase to the bid. "Oh, fuck that, you sonuvabitch!" Dean typed a much larger number in the window, then reached back with his other hand and tangled his fingers in Cas's hair.

At three seconds, he submitted his final bid - a thousand higher than before; Mr. Robert Plant and Visa could afford it - and waited for the results.

“Two… “ Cas said, as he gave the firmest stroke yet. “One…” firmer still. “Zero… come for me, Dean.”

Fingers tugging at Cas's hair, and hips rocking up to meet each stroke, Dean came hard, adrenaline pumping through him. He glanced back to see Cas staring at the screen in triumph. Sexy bastard.

“You’re so good to me, Dean,” Cas moaned, his groin grinding harder against Dean. “I want…”

"Fuck me, angel. You know you want to. Want it so bad, baby," Dean taunted, hoping for a grade A victory celebration - confetti, parade, fucking fireworks... all of it.

Cas groaned, and Dean could feel him fumbling to undo his zipper. “Lube, now… and get rid of the laptop, and your pants.”

Dean shoved the laptop to the edge of the bed and grabbed the Astroglide out of the drawer. He struggled out of his pants, eager for the pounding he knew his angel was about to give him.

He handed Cas the bottle and heard him flip the top. “What position do you want it?” he asked… He might like to take charge, but he always wanted to make sure Dean was comfortable too.

"Just fuck me, Cas! I need you inside me, yesterday," Dean begged.

“Get on your hands and knees,” Cas commanded then; Dean had given him the green light to take what he wanted. “I’m going to give you what you need.”

Dean whined, "Please, inside me. Now, sweetheart, please?"

“You’re very impatient today, aren’t you?” Cas growled. “I think winning the bid has brought out your baser instincts.” He pushed Dean over onto his stomach and he immediately felt a lubed finger breach his hole. “Mmmm… so tight for me.”

He hated and loved it when Cas teased him like this. "More, Cas, I need you so bad…"

“You’re a very needy hunter,” Cas said, thrusting in and out, but still using only one finger. “I would make you wait for it, but you’ve been so good for me, I think I’ll take what you want to give me.”

Cas had obviously lowered his head, as Dean felt his breath on his cheek, before the brief pain of a little bite.

Dean moaned in pleasure. "I'm ready, Cas. Just do it," he begged greedily, needing to feel his angel filling him.

Instead of feeling that delicious cock pushing inside him, Cas added another finger, and thrust it in roughly alongside the first. “You like that, don’t you?”

Groaning, Dean replied, "Yes! You know I do. Caaassss…" He gave in, accepting that his angel was going to edge him again, but totally willing to play hard ball. "Mmm, more… want all of you, love."

“Oh, Dean,” Cas moaned; Dean knew exactly how to push his buttons. He’d clearly had enough of making Dean wait now, and after removing his fingers Dean felt the head of Cas's cock being pushed inside him.

"Oh, fuck, Cas! You always feel so good." He panted as that thickness penetrated him, slowly and exquisitely filling him. Dean tangled his fingers in the sheets, and muffled his moans in the pillow, pushing back to meet Cas's hips.

Cas started picking up the pace then; slamming in, then pulling almost all the way out, before slamming in again. For a few minutes, the only sounds in the room were the gasps and moans of the lovers, and the sound of skin slapping against skin.

Cas changed the angle of his thrusts and hit Dean’s prostate, making him groan loudly.

"Oh, yes, right there! Cas, please don't stop, baby? Please, I need you so bad," Dean begged, like his life depended on it.

Cas slipped his hand around to Dean’s front and encircled his cock with his fingers. Despite Dean having come already today, he knew it wouldn’t take much to get him to orgasm again; especially the way Cas was hammering his prostate.

He clenched down, tightening around Cas's dick, making the angel moan, and demanded, "Give it to me, love."

“I. Love. You. Dean.” Cas gritted out, punctuating every word with a thrust, seemingly going impossibly deeper each time. “I-I’m going to…” Cas came with a groan, holding tightly onto Dean’s hips as he finished.

Cas orgasming had become Dean's favorite kink, and he followed behind, shouting out his release. "Love you so much, sunshine! Fuck, do I love you!"

He collapsed to the bed, Cas on top of him, just where Dean wanted him.

Cas wasn’t ready to pull out yet; he stayed like that as they both got their breathing under control again. Eventually, he lifted his head and kissed along Dean’s spine, saying, “I can’t wait to see my whale plushie. Thank you for winning it for me.”

Dammit, the angel could still make him blush. "Anything for you, sunshine." He snuggled down under Cas's weight and sighed in contentment.

Eventually, Cas got too heavy and his cock softened and slipped out of Dean's hole. "Plug me?"

Cas reached over to Dean’s night table and opened the drawer. He was obviously trying to choose from the collection of plugs - thankfully not as large a collection as the plushies - but finally he picked one and brought it to Dean’s waiting hole.

The one he’d chosen wasn’t too large, and Cas slipped it in without any resistance, then sat up on his haunches and admired the view. “Beautiful,” he said, running his hand over the swell of Dean’s ass.

Dean didn't have to tell Cas how much he loved it when he left his come inside him. They'd fucked in every position Dean had ever imagined, and some he didn't know existed. It hadn't taken long for them both to realize Cas inside him in any form prolonged the pleasure.

"You're the best. I love you more than pie."

Cas laid back down beside Dean, giving him one of his extra special smiles; one that made his whole face light up, almost as if he was glowing. “That is the sweetest compliment you’ve ever given me.”

Dean curled into Cas's arms and kissed his left pectoral, over his heart. Nuzzling into his side, he let out a little hum of happiness and held his love tight.

***

Despite Sam’s attempt to curb Dean and Cas’s excessive plushie buying, a new one had been delivered to the bunker earlier that day. He had heard Cas’s exclamations of delight when he opened it (he had, unfortunately, also heard some of Cas’s appreciation for Dean when the item was purchased). Ugh!

Dean hadn’t been able to tell Sam how many stuffed animals Cas had - not even a ballpark figure - but his curiosity was piqued. He would just have to investigate, and find out for himself.

There was no sound coming from Dean and Cas’s room, so Sam easily slipped past it unnoticed. When he reached the door of Cas’s old room, he turned the handle to open it, and was surprised to find some resistance. He pushed harder against the door, and with a creaking sound it shifted, but it seemed to have dislodged something.

That something turned out to be somethings. With a rumble the entire collection of plushies crashed down on top of Sam, and he found himself on the floor, dazed and wondering what had happened.

Scrabbling off the floor, plushies basically raining off him, Sam stormed off to have it out with his brother and the angel; having so many stuffed animals that they filled an entire room was ridiculous. Opening the door without knocking, he was greeted by the sight of Dean and Cas fast asleep in bed.

How sweet , he thought, as he walked back along the hallway, picked up an armful of the furry little creatures, and carried them back to Dean and Cas’s room.

He let all the plushies hail down on their peaceful, innocent, sleeping faces before he stated, “We need to talk.”

The startled reaction of both of them was gold.

Dean sat up and ran his hand over his hair, clearly having no idea what was going on. He blinked up at Sam in confusion, and yawned.

Cas snapped out of his stupor a lot quicker than Dean did, and he looked around forlornly at the toys that were now strewn about the bed. “Sam? Why did you throw my plushies at us?”

"Because you two have a problem that we need to address. This is an intervention." Sam crossed his arms over his chest. "Your whole room is filled with stuffed animals. It is ridiculous. This is totally getting out of hand!"

Cas frowned, and picked up one of the plushies from the bed. It was a koala, and Cas smoothed its ruffled fur. “But they’re so cute. Look at it, Sam.” He held it up, making puppy dog eyes as he did so.

Sam didn't fall for it. He wasn't his brother. "I don't care how cute they are. An entire room, Cas! I opened your door and there was an avalanche. An actual avalanche of plushies. Enough is enough!"

“I… oh.” Cas’s face fell and he glanced at Dean, who now seemed to be fully awake.

“Maybe you shouldn’t go poking your nose into other people’s rooms,” Dean said defiantly.

Sam dignified that with his bitch face. "That doesn't change my point, Dean. I said avalanche. A-va-lanche of plushies. Look," Sam sighed as he carded a hair strand out of his face. "I didn't complain about the plushies I accidentally sat on in the library or in the Dean cave, nor did I complain about the dinosaur and duckling on the backseat of the Impala. I also didn't complain when plushies started to show up in the kitchen... falling into my breakfast... But Dean, an avalanche! It's just too much."

“I’m sorry… I didn’t realise.” Cas looked like he might actually cry. “I promise I will stop.” He laid his head back down on the pillow and sighed sadly.

“Happy now?” Dean scowled at his brother and pulled Cas into a hug.

Sam rolled his eyes. Of course he didn’t want to upset Cas but this had to stop. “I’m sorry, Cas. But this is just too much.”

Dean made a gesture with his hand for Sam to run along, and to be honest, it was amazing it wasn’t a rude gesture, considering what had just taken place.

Sam turned around and left the two of them, hoping he had put a stop to this. They must see that this was getting out of hand, right?

…. :::: :::: ….

Since Sam’s plushie intervention Cas had kept to his word. He hadn’t bought any more, and he’d stopped Dean from buying them too. When Dean had mentioned Christmas, Cas had firmly but sadly told him that he wanted anything but a plushie as a gift.

And although he had stuck to that promise, he felt sad. Because this was it.

He hadn't told Dean or Sam what his reasoning behind having all those plushies had been. Although they knew he gave names of fallen friends and allies to those plushies... they weren't aware why he was doing it.

Cas still carried the guilt of every angel he had killed back when he had been under the control of the Leviathans. It had been thousands. Angels Dean and Sam had never met, but Cas had spent millions of years in Heaven with.

He had a list. It wasn't written down but in his head, reminding him like an engraved wall of every one of his fallen brethren.

And even though Sam described his plush collection as an 'avalanche of plushies' they still weren't enough. He wanted every name on that list be represented in his life.

For some reason, he needed this. Because if they gave those plushies their names, he was able to talk to them. In some way… maybe it worked for him like a cemetary. A place where humans could go and find comfort in talking with their lost loved ones.

There were still so many names on that list, so many angels he wanted to talk to. Who he wanted to apologize to. Or maybe just tell them goodbye.

He noticed that Sam was giving him worried looks throughout the weeks, asking him if he was okay. He assured him that everything was fine, although it was a big lie.

Christmas morning was coming, and Cas wasn’t feeling any better. He sat thoughtfully next to the Christmas tree as Sam handed him two packages wrapped in old newspaper. “Merry Christmas, Cas.”

“Thank you, Sam.” Cas gave him a smile that he hoped conveyed gratitude, even though he wasn’t sure he would like what Sam had given him.

He carefully opened the smaller package first, finding a colourful pair of socks, decorated with bees. It was really thoughtful, and he held them up to show Dean.

“They’re very you,” Dean chuckled. Turning to his brother, he said, “Nice one, Sammy.”

Sam grinned at them and took a sip of his coffee. “Open the other one. I think you'll love it.”

The package was box shaped, and Cas wondered what it could be. A book? Another item of clothing? He unwrapped it carefully, and sure enough it was a box. Peeling off the tape, he was astonished… delighted to see a plushie! It was a unicorn, and its tail and horn were rainbow coloured. “Sam? You… thank you.”

He clutched it to his chest, feeling the prickle of happy tears in his eyes.

“Dude,” he heard Dean say from beside him. “That’s awesome.”

Cas wasn’t sure if that comment was directed at him or Sam, but he was too happy to care at that moment.

Sam cleared his throat, “Yeah, man, look… You were so down the last couple of weeks… I just… It’s alright. If those plushies make you happy, who am I to stand against it.”

Cas jumped up and hugged Sam tenderly. “You don’t know how much this means to me. And I will try not to cause anymore avalanches with my collection.”

He felt Dean’s arms around them both, and although he was being squished, he couldn’t have been happier.

The End

#Destiel Advent Calendar 2019 #fanfiction #destiel #christmas short fics

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patricianandclerk · 5 years

Note

Gabriel inviting himself to tag along to Pride WITH AZIRAPHALE. Obviously this is a great chance to bond! And Aziraphale has no idea how to explain that this is more of a thing he would like to do with Crowley, because when he tries to say that, Gabriel just agrees that the three of them will have a good time and that this is an excellent opportunity for him to try to find some common ground with Aziraphale's demon boyfriend. (1/2)

(2/2) Aziraphale is a quiet gay and he really just wants to look at things a bit, hold hands with Crowley in public at long last, and go home early to read, but Gabriel wants to see EVERYTHING, and he wants to see it as a GROUP! Then Gabriel finds out this is an annual event, and the color drains from Aziraphale’s face when he says next year he’s bringing all the archangels. (with all the glitter, they could get away with letting their gold show through…)

honestly, especially because of Aziraphale’s me-me-me syndrome, like…

He finds it so hard, at times, to envision, to understand, how others are feeling, and I think a lot of the time he tends to make so many assumptions based on his own insecurities or his own gigantic ego, and like…

He does this with Crowley a lot? And it isn’t him trying to be unkind! It’s just one of the ways he protects himself - he tells himself that Crowley isn’t a real demon, or otherwise Crowley couldn’t be his friend, and Crowley is his friend, he loves Crowley; simultaneously, he knows that Crowley is a demon, and that therefore, Crowley doesn’t really love anybody, he can’t love anybody, and therefore if Aziraphale goes around with him, he doesn’t have to be Good, he doesn’t have to be Perfect all the time, he can relax. These two things obviously contradict one another, but they’re also not accurate to Crowley himself - Crowley is a demon, and he is capable of love. These two things exist simultaneously.

But I think that Aziraphale struggles so, so much to see things in shades of grey - coming from Heaven, I think he forced himself into even more black and white thinking than he otherwise would have, because he was genuinely so terrified of doing anything Bad, so he had to recreate everything in a binary of Good and Bad, and no matter what he does, he needs to rationalise it as Good, because if it’s Bad, that means that Aziraphale is Bad, and he can’t handle being Bad.

And Pride?

Pride is Good. Pride is for people who are so trodden down by their society, who have to fight for merely their right to be themselves, and it’s this beautiful, explosive thing where he can be himself, where everyone around him is doing the same - there’s no need to hide anything, there’s no need to shove everything into the back of a closet, there’s no need to be in fear, because there’s solidarity here.

And I’ve talked a lot about book Aziraphale, and how similar I think his experience is to the gay one - about how Heaven as a monolith seems to treat him as a confusing, embarrassing inconvenience, how he can come back into the fold at any time so long as he stops being Like That, about how cold everyone is with him, about how they can sense something Off about him because his strangeness, his humanity, is too obvious, like many gay people who without meaning to be are obvious to their families. TV Aziraphale I see as a very different duck, just because like… with the angels, they strike me as concerned, weirded out, uncertain of everything he’s talking about, and every much like… not about it, but the thing is…

The angels don’t come across to me as people who do have faith in the Almighty. They don’t come across, either, as like… truly dogmatic individuals who are out to, you know, hurt each other, hurt other angels, just for the sake of it?

When it comes to Aziraphale’s execution, it comes from a place of fear, I think - there’s a reason it happens privately, with just a handful of the angels who already knew, rather than in front of a crowd like with Crowley’s: they want to shove this evidence of further rebellion (like the first Fall of all the denizens of Hell) under the carpet, get rid of it as soon as possible, in case it affects other angels. Why would they be so terrified of doubts like that affecting other angels?

You know, unless it was affecting them?

Gabriel’s expression when Crowley says “where have you been” in the big confrontation is… fear. It’s terror. It’s this fleeting, desperate uncertainty, this utter horror that maybe he’s right. Maybe the Almighty doesn’t care, maybe the Plan is bullshit, maybe they’re all fucked, maybe she abandoned them, just like he’s been trying not to think about for centuries and centuries.

And Michael already is in doubt. Michael already communicates with the other side, and has illicit friendships with Ligur and Hastur at least, and gets information from the other side. Michael and Aziraphale aren’t so different, in that respect.

Sandalphon? Sandalphon supports Gabriel, but the thing is, like… He also knows more about what goes on on Earth, and he strikes me as one of those people that just doesn’t worry? He just goes with the flow - maybe he’d like things to be better, but he doesn’t usually think about them.

And Uriel… I think Uriel is the one who’s closest to the “ideal” angel, in that she presses herself into that regimented thinking that Aziraphale tried so hard to cram himself into. She sees things that are Right, and Wrong: anything in between is either worthless or inappropriate, and things should be Right. She’s angry when Aziraphale steps out of it, but it isn’t just about Aziraphale - Michael turns out to be just like him, and Gabriel seems to be teetering, and wherever Gabriel goes, Sandalphon will follow, and Uriel doesn’t want to be alone, but she also doesn’t really care about like. The Faith in the Almighty. She cares about doing the Right thing, and when the Right thing is no longer simple and plain, what then? What next?

And when it comes to an event like Pride…

I think Aziraphale would assume that Gabriel, Michael, Sandalphon, Uriel, any of the other angels, would inherently find it gross or disgusting, or that they would find him gross or disgusting for IDing with being gay, or being too human…

And never consider that maybe they have doubts. That maybe they have fears. That maybe they too are uncertain.

That maybe Michael would find being in the middle of a gigantic crowd of people, smiling and laughing and doused in glitter, wearing costumes, and looking like she does, being like she is, and maybe standing next to Hastur and Ligur, and talking, just talking - not on the phone, not in a closet or in a stairwell or under the eave in the back of the smoking area, but just. Talking. in public. That maybe Michael would find that freeing, that she’d like it, that maybe she’d reach out and brush Beelzebub’s hand, and it would feel like just for a moment that all the boundaries imposed by their respective positions are absent, are gone, that just for today, just for this incredible little festival, they’re just people, just like the humans, that they’re just colourful faces in a colourful crowd, and that no one will notice them, that for once, there’s safety in those numbers.

That maybe Gabriel would find all these people so sure of themselves, so sure of their identities and their persons, so liberating? So comforting? Just imagine how Gabriel would feel, if someone touched his hand and said, “Listen, I know maybe it doesn’t feel like it sometimes, but God’s love is actually unconditional. God loves His children no matter what, it’s a given, it’s a constant thing.” And yes, the pronouns are different, and yes, these humans don’t necessarily know anything, but they’re so confident. They’re not frightened, like he is. They don’t feel abandoned. Or maybe they do, and they’re certain of being loved anyway. And all these people do things - inhabit physical bodies, taste things, enjoy things, love one another, and never fear that that’s the wrong thing, or that it’s inappropriate to do.

And Uriel would find… such quiet joy? Seeing everyone so relaxed, and just being able to just. Be quiet. Be there, and be on the sidelines, and be quiet, and take it all in, but see people smile, and laugh, and this is about… Goodness, isn’t it? This is Good, right? It has to be Good, surely it’s Good…

And for Sandalphon there’s just this… You know, this thrill in seeing Gabriel especially, but seeing other angels relax, seeing them feel at ease, and they’re amongst humans but these humans aren’t the base creatures who kill one another, who rut in the dirt, who… You know, become defined by pleasures or whatever, these are people who are saying those things don’t matter, that they’re just a part of life? Yes, there’s drink and sex and drugs and dancing and food, but that’s all by the wayside - these are all people that love one another, who exist and play with their own spirits, identities, personhoods, and connect with others based on that, you know? There’s a spiritual element to Pride in so many ways, because you have such an intimate and yet wide-reaching, soulful connection with all these people, there’s such a soulful element? You stand in solidarity against a greater whole, and you do it with joy.

So many people go to Pride for such different reasons, and when it comes to the archangels, I can see all of them finding this freedom in it, all finding it so joyful and really identifying with it - all in such different ways, but feeling safe there, with one another, with all these other people? Humans?

And I think Aziraphale would be so certain it’s about him, that they’re there to spy on him, scrutinise him and Crowley, pick him apart, and not really consider until after it was very obvious that maybe it’s about their own things?

Like, I think that in his head, Aziraphale kind of sorts people through these Good and Bad modules, and so Crowley is either on the Good or Bad pedestal in terms, either he can do no wrong or do no right, but the angels go through that treatment, too - even when he knows they’re Right in the Heavenly sense, he sorts them into Bad, inherently nasty or cruel or dogmatic, and not really think of them as maybe individuals with their own doubts and fears, their own capacities for good? And I understand why, but it doesn’t make those things… absent.

And I just die. I die big time.

Especially because like…

Aziraphale isn’t the only angel that feels love for things he knows he shouldn’t? He isn’t the only angel who looks at gender, who feels kind of a pull to some gendered elements and wants to put it on and try it out, who wants to play with it, who wants to experiment with it and maybe embody gender a little bit; he isn’t the only angel who wants to reach out and touch another angel, another demon, who wants intimacy, who wants to be recognised as an individual and love as an individual; he isn’t the only angel who feels alone and abandoned, and wants to feel less so.

And I die over Aziraphale discovering that, you know, the angels are people too? That they, too, are… You know, not just a group of people out to destroy Aziraphale, because the thing is, like…

That isn’t just a revelation about the angels.

It’s the revelation that Aziraphale isn’t necessarily under scrutiny all the time? That his every action isn’t being carefully watched and judged by other parties? Like, that realisation that other people live in wide and vibrant worlds, that they’re not thinking about you all or even most of the time, that you’re just a character in this entire world they exist in… That’s so freeing, when you’re anxious about your behaviour, when you’re frightened of being judged, or Doing The Wrong thing.

I don’t know, sorry, this has become a really, really long response,but. I love… the angels, and I love Aziraphale, and realising like… He doesn’t have to care about the angels or connect with them, but that he doesn’t necessarily have to? That he can just be free and not think about them, if he wants, and let them live their lives? He isn’t beholden to them, but more than that, he doesn’t have to be beholden to them, there’s no responsibility to be so. And so on.

#good omens #aziraphale #gabriel #uriel #sandalphon #michael #mir don't look #Anomymous #as defined by dictionary #answered #long post for ts

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angelicspaceprince · 5 years

Text

Broken Promises

Author: Ama

Title: Broken Promises

Pairing: Poly!Aziraphale x Reader x Crowley

Character/s: Crowley/Raphael, Aziraphale, Reader, Gabriel

Word Count: 1, 626 words

Warnings: Is sad, mentions of falling, Gabriel being a dick, sad!Crowley, mentions of Crowley's past, the whole thing about nearly being murdered by Heaven

Prompt: After the whole ordeal with Heaven, Crowley finds his past revisiting him as he tries to sleep. His partner's try and help comfort him and reminding him that, through it all, they still have them.

Notes: So, I lied. I wrote this at 4 in the morning rather than sleeping because I found THIS AMAZING PIECE OF ART WORK BY @philiasperanzart and I simply had to share! Sorry if its OOC and shit but its 4 am and I can't help it when inspiration hits.

Italics – clashing of memories, italics will always be the Heaven scene where normal text (with context) will be memories of before Crowley’s fall.

Also – so I am of the opinion that Gabriel cares very much but after centuries of seeing his brothers and sisters fall and being emotionally unavailable (specifically after this fic) he just doesn’t know how to make himself vulnerable, so he hides it behind crack shots and remarks that he doesn’t know are shitty, yet they are. And when he tells ‘Aziraphale’ to just die already, he’s angry. Because he has seen siblings of his fall over everything and surely Aziraphale would know by now? Not to fraternize with demons. They can’t risk him falling, so they have to kill him and I think he’s putting up a brave front because he doesn’t want Aziraphale’s death. Also, the fact that Aziraphale was friends (at a very bare minimum, lets face it, they’re married) with Crowley made it 10x worse, as this fic will explore slightly. Additionally (final notes) I made this a poly!Aziraphale x reader x Crowley fic because we don’t have enough of these fics in our lives. You are all very very welcome.

Buy Me a Coffee

Broken Promises

The words still rung clear in Crowley’s head.

“Please just shut your stupid mouth and die already.”

They still stung, possibly more than anything else that Gabriel has ever said directly or indirectly to the demon.

His body had moved on, but his mind was still back there.

It was very bright when he first opened his eyes, and the small angel in front of him just seemed to radiate love and happiness. “You must be Raphael! I’ve been waiting for you!”

“Shut your stupid mouth-”

“I’m Gabriel! I am your brother, I’ll be your companion!”

“-and die already.”

“I’ll be by your side no matter what!”

The heat didn’t even hurt Crowley as he approached the flames. But the words?

“I’ll protect you from all the bad things!”

The words burnt more than the flames ever would.

When Crowley first attempted to fly, Gabriel was there. “Don’t worry, Raphael! We all fall down sometimes, I’ll always be here to pick you up!”

“Just shut your stupid mouth-”

But he wasn’t.

“-and die already.”

His first cock-up with a miracle. Gabriel was there. “It’s ok, Raphael, I can fix it! Next time, we can practice on something smaller and work up to something this big!”

Just -

When Lucifer fell, it was the first time Crowley saw Gabriel snap. “Don’t cry, Raphael! It’s all a part of our Mother’s plan. It’s ineffable! Surely She knew this was going to happen!”

shut –

“What if it happens to me? To the rest of us?” Gabriel simply took a calming breath and smiled as he brought his brother in close. “It won’t! We just have to love God more than anything else and obey all Her commands without question. We won’t fall, Raphael, we know better.”

your –

Then more angels fell, taking after Lucifer’s example. Gabriel was there after every single one. “Does it hurt?” “I don’t know, Raphael. I hope not. I don’t want them to feel pain as they fall.”

stupid –

The more angels who fell, the more closed off Gabriel became. “Gabriel? What did Anna do to fall?” “I don’t know Raphael, he must have done something.”

mouth –

“Gabriel, will you still talk to me if I fall?” “Why would I?” “Because we are brothers.” “Raphael, if you fall, we will never talk again. It’s just the way things are.”

and –

And then Crowley fell. Gabriel was there when it happened. His eyes were cold as he watched Crowley begin his descent into Hell.

die –

Gabriel was wrong.

already.

Crowley burned.

But even the pain from falling was nothing compared to hearing those words from his once dear brother’s mouth.

Crowley fights back tears as he tries to process what happened in Heaven when he feels two arms start to snake their way around him. Too warm to be Aziraphale. Y/N.

“Crow, it’s 4 in the morning, what’s going on?” Your tired voice murmurs into his ear, resting on your side as you try to bring him in closer.

“It’s nothing pet, go back to sleep.” You mumble before bringing yourself closer, ignoring Aziraphale’s tired whimpers when you leave his grip.

“Don’t lie to me, love.” Crowley rolls his eyes. “It may be what demons do, but it’s not what you do.” Silence rings between the two of you before the sound of shuffling fills the room as Crowley moves his body to be able to curl up against your chest, your head moving automatically to rest against his hair. “Is it about what happened when you went upstairs?” He nods slightly. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“Not really.”

“Do you need to tell me?”

“Probably.”

You wait for Crowley to start talking, not wanting to push him until he felt uncomfortable talking to you. “There wasn’t even a trial.”

You hum. “What do you mean?”

“I got a trial. Yes, it was a sham of a trial, just to showcase off how cruel Beelzebub can be and how my behaviour wouldn’t be tolerated. But it was a trial. Heaven didn’t even try. They just…..sentenced Aziraphale to death.” You wait.

“There’s more, isn’t there.” It’s not a question, a statement. You know he’s holding back.

“Just something Gabriel said, it doesn’t matter.”

“Evidently, it does.”

“Would you drop it?”

“No.” Crowley sighs, your voice clear. You weren’t dropping it until you knew the whole truth.

“Being in Heaven reminded me of the times before I fell. That, coupled with just the whole stress of the situation? Wasn’t really that nice for me.”

“I thought you don’t do nice.”

“I don’t, Heaven’s s’pposed to though.”

“True.” You move your hand to play with his hair in a small form of comfort. “Why did you fall?”

“I asked too many questions.”

“Too many?”

“One.”

“Which was?”

“Why can’t we love God as much as we love each other.” You hum. “Heaven didn’t like that very much.”

“I can tell.” You swear Crowley is purring as you continue to massage his scalp, but you definitely don’t tell him that. Not when you are slowly getting him to open up. “Do you miss Heaven?” Crowley shrugs.

“Not particularly. Too bright. Too ‘do as your told and not as you think’.”

“I thought Heaven would be more loving.”

“Trust me, its not.” You sigh, bringing your lips to his forehead. “I miss the way Gabriel treated me before I fell.” He finally admits before opening up about how Gabriel was his mentor, his guide through everything angelic. How they made the stars together, how Gabriel was there through every tumble and fall. Except for his last one. “I miss the comradery.”

You pause for a minute, feeling Aziraphale come up behind you, clearly still asleep. A rare commodity for him. “I think Gabriel misses it too.” Crowley’s eyes meet yours, seemingly confused. “Well, he hates the fact Aziraphale is friends with you. Possibly because he feels bad that he couldn’t save you from falling when all you did was ask a question. He probably was upset when you fell because he couldn��t save you, but also, the two of you were close. And he couldn’t talk to you about it or question anyone else about it because, after all, it was in God’s plan. And Her plan is ineffable. But, I think there is something Gabriel didn’t take into account. You didn’t fall. At least not all the way. Your body made it to Hell, but your soul stayed on Earth. You have never been fully an angel or fully a demon, you’ve always been something different, something in between. But what makes you special is that you think outside the box, you’re creative, you don’t stick to the rules, you bend them until they are close to breaking and then hope that they’re made of rubber as you bend them some more. That’s not a demonic or angelic quality. That’s a human quality. And that’s why Heaven and Hell are so scared of you. Because what they see as bad, humans see as good. And I think that’s important for you to know.”

Crowley thinks over your words for a minute before rolling his eyes. “Oh yes, of course, that’s totally what they are afraid of. Not the fact that I tempted an angel and got away with it.”

“You’re being sarcastic because you know I have a valid point.” You retort. “Would you rather have not fallen, stayed chummy with Gabriel who is, as kind as I’m sure he was in the past, a bit of a prat or would you rather have fallen and have met Aziraphale, fallen in love with him and lived your life with him?”

“What about you?”

“I’m human, I’m only temporary.”

“You are just as important, Y/N.” Aziraphale’s voice chimes in. You roll your eyes.

“This is about cheering Crowley up, angel, not me.” Aziraphale places his chin on your side as he peers over you to look down at his other partner.

“What’s upsetting him?”

“Nothing, angel.”

“Heaven didn’t give you a trial and being in Heaven reminded him of like pre-snake eyes.” Aziraphale’s mouth forms an ‘o’ of shock before he places an arm over you and Crowley.

“Heaven’s Heaven, my dear. No need to waste time thinking about them when we have our own little haven here – that’s what matters now.” Crowley seems to sulk under Aziraphale’s words, most likely because you had worded him out.

“We also don’t know that this wasn’t a part of God’s plan, ya know.” You say gently. “For all we know, She’s up there playing matchmaker and that’s why things have gone tits up. Heaven don’t talk to Her much anymore, that’s why they acted drastically.”

“It’s not part of Her plan.”

“But we don’t know that. At the end of it all, Crowley, we don’t know. We love you, we will always be here for you and if you fall, we’ll be here to pick you back up. It’s ok to think of the past and reminisce but not if it affects you in this way.” Aziraphale nods as his eyes flicker between the two of you. “We aren’t leaving you any time soon, Crowley.”

“Promise?” His voice sounds tired, weak. As if he has heard that promise before only for it to be broken.

“Promise.” The two of you state at the same time.

Crowley seems content with that as he burrows in closer. He mumbles something that you can’t make out, but you get the gist. “We love you too Crow. Sleep?”

Crowley simply nods.

The memories of Gabriel never leave Crowley, nor the hurt of his words, and his actions. But when he’s with you and Aziraphale, those memories always seem to become a little less bitter.

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shkspr · 5 years

Note

Uuuh please tell us about your love triangle fic concept???

okay i am SOOOOO sorry for how long this got fdkjlfdljk i literally just copy/pasted a bunch of rambling i did in the discord several months ago and i guess it was more rambling than i thought. anyway long version below but if you want the short rundown of the Dynamics at play in this love triangle, read these posts and these short funnies:

1 2 3 4

gabriel and crowley bonding over what a bastard aziraphale is? while still also hating each other a lot? chef's kiss. very jacob & edward in that tent in eclipse

even if az could carry on some sort of Thing with both of them at the same time it still wouldn't be a two hands situation it would be like. crowley has both of az's hands and also his heart and mind and soul, and gabriel gets to occasionally be near him

gabriel: So, Aziraphale, Wh - / aziraphale: [checking his watch] listen do you want to fuck or not because i've got shit to do

gabriel can kiss my ass with the sole exception of how delightfully stupid he is. i have taken him under my wing and made him a big gay idiot instead of the big rude idiot he is in canon.

az & gabriel only works for me in the scenario where gabriel is enthusiastically into az & az puts up with him on occasion when he's bored and horny. there's no romance or even friendship potential there

i like to think that az and gabriel used to have a friendly workplace rapport and gabriel was actually one of the least unbearable angels to be around during the rare times when az had to interact w/ other angels face-to-face but then when az started to recognize his feelings for crowley and his distaste for the way that heaven handles things, he started to kind of pull away and gabriel noticed and that's when he was like wait do i like aziraphale? and then he tried to talk to az about it and az was like oh. uh. hmm. i don't think so, honey.

and gabriel did not like being turned down and over the years watching az & crowley together he's just gotten more and more bitter to the point where he's now an insufferable douchebag but especially to aziraphale bc they both try to pretend none of that ever happened but they both Know and it's super awkward and gabriel covers for it by being even more of an ass.

i'm also imagining like. aziraphale giving in to gabriel and allowing something physical to happen right after he's had a big fight with crowley. like aziraphale trying to convince himself he doesn't need crowley, he's got plenty of other people to fraternise with, obviously, and he's trying so hard to not be heartbroken that he edges a bit too far into Emotionless territory, starts something with gabriel and he's cold and not nice about it but gabriel wants it so bad and aziraphale needs a distraction and neither of them are aware of what it means to the other.

gabriel is so wrapped up in the angelic notion of being worshipped and praised that he doesn't understand why aziraphale doesn't want that, because he'd give him that, he'd sit through every magic trick and he'd clap and he'd love it and he doesn't get it! he doesn't get that aziraphale is fundamentally a person and he doesn't want a partner who worships him he wants someone who knows him and loves him and tells him when he's being embarrassing and when he's being ridiculous and when he's being a bastard.

gabriel is... a fan. gabriel is a Fan of aziraphale when aziraphale needs a Friend.

we've talked about aziraphale and gabriel having this fucked up unrequited crush casual sex thing and that being why gabriel is so personally hurt by aziraphale's betrayal, right.so i'm imagining gabriel being like. well, this is the end, right, aziraphale's going to be gone, forever, and he's angry but he's spent enough time around humans and around aziraphale to know what regret is, and he knows he'll regret it if he doesn't say something.

so he just nips in before the whole hellfire deal, just tells the others to wait in the hall, i just need to have a few words with the traitor before he dies. and he goes in and. confesses? yells? cries? propositions him, one last fuck for old times' sake?

only like. that's crowley. it's crowley and he looks like aziraphale and gabriel thinks he's aziraphale but he's crowley.

and i'm imagining in this scenario, crowley never knew about the thing between gabriel and aziraphale, never found out about it because aziraphale was always too ashamed, and crowley and aziraphale still haven't let their six thousand years of tension come to a head, so now crowley's finding this out and he has to react as if he's aziraphale and then proceed with the whole not-dying thing

crowley tears up a little bit and he says something appropriately bitchy but his voice breaks on it just a bit and gabriel is like. oh maybe he gets it! does he get it? does he understand how hard this is for me? finally?? and then everything is Wrong and he's like i don't know i don't know what's happening i don't know what to do

but the whole time crowley’s dying on the inside, trying to convince himself that gabriel was fucking with him, gabriel was just saying things he thought would get aziraphale upset, none of that actually happened. but he's not very convincing. and then when they see each other again, what is he supposed to do? is he meant to pretend he didn't find this out?

and with aziraphale decidedly not dead, what is gabriel going to do with the fact that he poured his fuckin heart out? sure, heaven and hell are going to leave them alone, for a bit, but gabriel is different, isn't he? surely, he thinks, he must be different. and with aziraphale not dead, now he has to actually process all his feelings, and decide how to proceed with their not-relationship

so like. big angst on gabriel's part, HUGE angst on crowley's part, aziraphale caught between a rock (an archangel who hates him but also loves him and also wants him dead and also wants to keep casually fucking him and also wants to marry him a bit) and a hard place (a demon who's been in love with him for six thousand years and just inadvertently found out that he's been sleeping with someone else for several hundred of those years and is deeply, deeply hurt over it)

gabriel pictures crowley and aziraphale down on earth, laughing at him, mocking his unrequited feelings, or he pictures them happy together, never thinking twice about him at all. and he thinks about how aziraphale never really wanted him, never wanted anything to do with him, was always just using him and he knew it on some level and he let it happen because he needed to be near aziraphale. and he thinks, surely a demon can't love him the way i can, surely he doesn't have the pure and bright and clean love inside him that i have. does aziraphale need him, the way i need aziraphale? is that what's going on here? and then he dreams, he wouldn't call it dreaming but he dreams of rescuing aziraphale, even though he knows that's not what he wants, he knows that aziraphale has something with crowley he could never have with gabriel, but he can pretend, he can hope, that aziraphale might open his eyes someday and see him there.

and aziraphale being sort of. not afraid, per se, but. he must know, on some level, that gabriel's feelings for him are a big part of the reason he's alive. and he doesn't want to crush gabriel, because he doesn't want to be cruel, but also because he doesn't want to burn that bridge, as tenuous and reluctant a bridge as it is, because he doesn't know what will happen if gabriel really truly gets over him and decides he doesn't care if aziraphale dies

and az is like. it's just practical, crowley, i don't see what the issue is. and crowley is like..... he has FEELINGS, angel.

crowley's like....... i'm literally The Authority on being in love with you, and i say this from six thousand years of experience: it fucking sucks. loving aziraphale and not being loved back? or, not knowing if you're loved back? it's the worst pain imaginable, and i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and you know i'm not exaggerating because gabriel is literally my worst enemy.

az: excuse me, my love, my sweet, my dearest one, are you fucking siding with gabriel over me? / crowley: i'm just Saying, i can empathize with his plight / az: empathize with my plight for a moment, please, imagine gabriel never fucking leaving you alone, ever. / crowley: i don't leave you alone either! the only difference is that you love me back! that's not his fault!

az: crowley you don't understand.... he's so enthusiastic about everything, it's so irritating. / crowley: angel what are you talking about. / az: he practically BEGGED me to let him eat me out. Ugh. / crowley: y. you. what? he. you're upset because he wanted to? go down on you? w. what??

aziraphale is so hurt and when he's hurt he gets defensive and so he's trying to justify how he's treated gabriel, while crowley's deep deep deep in his own mind, remembering every time he's been a pest in the same way that aziraphale has just admitted he hates

eventually aziraphale pulls enough teeth that crowley explains it fully: "everything you've said you hate about gabriel, that's all stuff that i do, that's all me. i follow you around, i ask questions, i care about appearances, i act like i know everything, i don't like to eat, i want to be near you all the time. and you've just told me that's unbearable. that you hate gabriel, because he's exactly like me."

and aziraphale softens, softens so much he's practically a puddle. looks at crowley with the biggest, most pitying eyes. and he doesn't feel like he can properly characterize what makes crowley so different, so unlike gabriel. because it's true, he has to admit, those similarities are there, but he's never wanted crowley to go away. he's never wanted crowley to want him less.

gabriel's questions are... judgey. even when he doesn't mean them to be. even when he wants to learn, for real, about humanity, to get closer to aziraphale. his questions are always... they have this undertone of "i don't understand this, but that's only because i have been worrying about more important things." and when aziraphale tries to explain food to him, or alcohol, he just doesn't get it. and he tries his best to pretend that he could maybe be on his way to getting it, because he thinks the not getting it is the biggest obstacle between him and aziraphale, but he'll never get it and he doesn't really want to?

when crowley asks questions, it's because he's thought about it. it's because he's thought about it a LOT and he needs now to talk about it. and aziraphale likes that, because when crowley asks him a question, he's not looking for an answer, he's looking for. a conversation. and a bit of support. when crowley asks a question, he wants aziraphale to tell him yes, it's okay to be unsure about this, i'm unsure too, let's work it out together. but when gabriel asks a question, he wants aziraphale to tell him you are good for wanting to know this, and here is a straightforward answer.

#long post -#sex t --#gomens #Anonymous

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dustydreamsanddirtyscars · 6 years

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13x20 “Unfinished Business” Mirror Mirror on the Wall, May We Get a Doppelgänger Story After All? - A Dean Heavy “Review” of 13x20 “Unfinished Business”

As the title of this meta/spec already states this episode analysis for lack of a better word will focus on Dean most since him and his arc have always been what interested me most about SPN and lately kind of truly has become the only reason I still watch the show. I will however later on in this piece also talk about the other characters and bits of the episode that stood out to me. But forefront with this piece definitely definitely is Dean.

And to talk a bit more about him and his role within the latest episode I decided to go with the bit captured as the gifset above, because to me Dean’s drinking this episode served as a visual cue not just for the entirety of his mindset within the episode, but more general too and how it may contribute to what lies ahead for him.

We have seen Dean’s drinking become a bit more frequent again the past few episodes, but it has been quite a while if memory serves right that we have seen Dean drink from the flask as earlier in the episode.

In fact, I think the last time Dean had drunk from it on screen was at the beginning of the season during the “therapy session”. To me that actually nicely closes a cycle, because to me it seems that Dean’s depression and absolute readiness to lay his head to rest is at an all time high again after it had subsided slightly after Cas returned. Nothing drove Dean’s tiredness and his wish for things to just be “over soon” home like the ending scene.

If this episode cemented one thing for me, it is that Dean is tired, he is done and he knows that something is coming for him. And not just due to Billie’s ominous words. To me it seems Dean knows more than he lets on and that he has a plan, because to me the whole framing of Dean this episode especially called back to S5 when Dean was about to say yes to Michael. Now, I don’t suggest that that is happening now (could also be Dean’s wound from the AU indeed is causing more issues or he made some other deal or just knows he’ll sacrifice himself no matter what, because he is tired and yes, tired Dean seemed all episode, tired and done), but it certainly could fit with other parts of the episode that served as major Dean mirrors imo this episode.

One of the big Dean mirrors imo was Kevin Tran (btw I think this episode marked Osric’s best SPN performance to date - really he deserves some standing ovations for this). Because while Dean on the surface looks more “put together” and he hides it behind a mask and stance of “annoyance” and “gruffness”, to me the way we see Kevin here is actually how it looks within Dean as well. And Kevin’s entire speech about never having believed in anything until the end of the world happened and everyone around him started to die. And then God chosing him and he not even being able to fathom what that means and how he had hoped that Michael would save the world, but ended up doing the opposite. All of that to me aligns very well with Dean’s own story too. We know that Dean has always struggled with having faith or believing that “good things do happen” and just like Kevin him and his brother experienced that everyone around them dies. And then just in S11 God again chose Dean, told him the world would be save in his and his brother’s hands (even if he left), because Dean is the firewall between light and darkness and Dean too wondered “what the hell that would even mean”. So yeah, to me their struggles here line up perfectly and to me it might hint at Dean making a deal (maybe with Michael or with someone/something else) in which he would offer himself up (compare that also to Jack’s “What’s the point if I can’t keep them safe?”) for the safety of his loved ones and the world. And especially this piece of dialogue here where Kevin is framed as a christ figure with the cross in the back felt ominously close to how the season may end...

That even if the Winchesters may win some at the end, they may lose more [as a brief side note here: tbh I was so angry about Dabb having the audacity to now use this rework of what should have been Crowley’s last words and that were so important to Mark Sheppard and cut them in the end only to bring them back now in reversal, because really to me it shows a lot about what kind of people the people are that are currently running the show, I find it disgusting, but anywho...]

And even though I still don’t think Michael!Dean is truly what will end up being the case I have to admit if they wanted to with the Kevin parallel (And as captured above the amount of halo shots with Dean this episode, the above is just one of many would fit to that - the shot actually also reminded of this one

in 9x21 “King of the Damned” where Dean also “sidelined” Sam to keep him save. So while last episode didn’t give me any feelings on Dean being back to MoC!Dean ways, this decision of his felt ominous and foreboding - I personally think in the end Dean will either yield the archangel blade or the Lance of Michael or will die/be wounded by one of those) this episode to me they laid enough groundwork to assume that maybe Dean has already “made contact” with Michael and agreed to something and offering himself up. Because it may not be about dying as Kevin told Jack, but about breaking a person enough for them to give themselves up due to the guilt they may feel (”You don’t know the things I have done” is a line that Demon!Dean for example used just like Kevin) and the lack of options they see for themselves to go on. And while Kevin dies here not for the greater good, but because he is at the end of his rope, I could see something similar happen with Dean only that it would be more of an action for the greater good (and btw the toy soldier in the AU to me also called back perfectly not just to the one stuck in the ashtray of the Impala, but to Dean himself, who was always reffered to as “a good little soldier”, a “blunt instrument” - really the writing in this regard and how it diminishes Dean as a person, but treats him like an object goes a long way back and fits to the whole vessel theme).

So Kevin’s death here rather rings some alarm bells of how bad it is going to get in the last 3 episodes. [as another brief side note here, I felt it rather unnescessary of them to show Jack’s wings here, because well, we have already known he has them for a while, this just seemed a little “hello causal viewer just so you KNOW” and well, I dislike things of that kind so... Plus: Can’t also say I love that they now also turned Mary’s words to Dean into a new thing here with an angel now watching over Mary (more on her a bit later as well). Seriosuly, yawnnnn, I don’t need that. It isn’t sweet or touching but just ughhh to me, but then again I am just not a fan of Dabb’s showrunning, so...] And the other Dean mirrors in the episode didn’t make that feeling go away at all, but rather strengthened that bad stuff lies ahead. Because to me the other huge Dean mirror was Gabriel/Loki.

I had talked about the aspect of doppelgängers and the two halves of each person a lot before during the MoC arc and especially in relation to Dean’s arc in comparison to Charlie and Dark!Charlie and it seems to me that entire thread the show revisited with Gabriel going after his “alter ego” Loki. We basically got another doppelgänger story here in which someone has to face a side of “himself” he may not like as Gabriel told Dean about in this moment.

and well, I personally have always headcanoned and hoped the show would go this route with Dean after the mark was removed, because to me Dean was left “in pieces” after that and still isn’t whole again (which is why I always liked the idea of story where Dean puts himself back together again in a similar fashion as Sam did in S6 as I talked about also in one the last asks I replied to). Now, what to me made the Gabriel/Loki thing a possible Dean mirror or rather piece of foreshadowing is (and yeah it might be a bit farfetched, but hey this is spec and it is mean to just throw ideas around) how one could argue Michael or Lucifer are “doppelgängers” of the Winchesters, because they serve as counterparts as vessels so to speak. Looking at Gabriel’s “witness protection”-stunt and the way he points at Dean here. Of course it is meant as “you are right”, but to me this episode just heavily suggested that maybe we’ll get some sort of Dean in “witness protection” as well of some sort. Because why the hell put so much time into exploring this whole deal with Gabriel so late in the season if not to use it in some fashion (okay, of course it could be they don’t do anything further with it lol it is Dabb after all, and so far it also seems the wound was the same thing - both would be a shame if not further used imo)?

So to me there exists potential in a possible doppelgänger!Dean arc at the end of the season, because, well... didn’t anybody else think Loki’s clothing seemed awfully fitting to those we saw from BTS pics of Jensen?

Just era wise... It’s very little to go on, but I could imagine some sort of scenario in which Dean does something really dangerous in order to save the world so that he would need such “protection” (Hell, who says that Dean didn’t strike a deal with the trickster if not Michael or some other powerful being?) and hence the Non!Dean pictures? Even the trickster’s entire conversation with Dean and how he granted Gabriel this protection (if walking away from his family to me would absolutely align and fit with Dean “preparing” Sam for him to not be around for much longer and maybe not due to death, but something else) would fit into Dean’s arc.

In this regard I also found Gabriel’s tale about how he met Loki rather interesting as to me it felt also a fitting parallel to Michael in the cage. Gabriel said he had stumbled upon Loki bound in a cave while hiking the fjords while a snake spewed venom into Loki’s eyes. If you ask me you could also read this as Michael trapped in the cage where he was driven insane by Lucifer (commonly depicted as also the snake). So what if Dean saved Michael from the cage somehow just like Gabriel saved Loki? What if he owed Dean one and they made a deal? In any case to me this whole set up of facing up against yourself or “someone who wears your face”, your alter ego, dark side, shadow self, however you want to call it, could also nicely lead into a Michael against Michael scenario with all of the text and subtext in this episode...

And last but not least in relation to Dean’s talk with the trickster, something that stood out to me again was the topic of “John Winchster”.

It’s not the first time he came up this season and I have always said that Dean would need another “good bye” to truly let his father’s ghost rest (though what are the chances for that to happen with Heaven going out of business - though I suppose they’ll use Jack to power up Heaven again - unless the allusions and revisit of Crowley’s words were meant to put Jack as new Ruler of Hell, which I doubt).

So... I said this before, but I truly think that by the end of this season we will get a JDM scene of some sort - even if it just lasts for 10 seconds. Maybe it’ll be tied to Dean dying/close to dying or being in the veil or tied to Mary possibly dying and seeing him again or just simply due to all ghosts/souls crashing to Earth with Heaven falling lol. Which brings me to the other bits and characters of the episode that I want to briefly write about, I’ll do that behind the cut. But I have to say it seems whatever will happen with Dean, I get the feeling it will be heavy - sad thing is they could have built all of it up better over the whole season - maybe then I actually would have liked at least some of it lol, but yeah... I hope against hope for good things for Dean!Girls. What are the odds though...

Anyway, on to the rest with a few cliffnotes on other parts of the episode I liked/disliked/that stood out to me:

First and foremost I need to briefly mention Mary here and her whole regret/pain/guilt thing. I mean, it’s nice to know she finally realized she made mistakes, but sadly the show ruined her character so much for me that these scenes here where she was all “motherly” just enraged me, because really after this here

I wanted to scream: You didn’t lose any boys, you fucking abandoned them for a whole season!!! So yeah, not a fan of the Mary scenes at all, they felt cheap to me.

Something else I also greatly disliked was the tone shift in the episode between the worlds. I get that they wanted to be a bit Tarantino with everything Gabriel, but really to me this stuff doesn’t work. Not anymore. It just feels like SPN is a parody of itself at those times. And it’s a shame because I actually really loved Richard Speight’s acting as Loki/Gabriel. His anger, etc. was spot on. Though really, him suffering for 8 years... Please, compare that to Dean and 40 years in Hell or Sam with almost 120 years in the cage. Suck it up, Gabriel! ;P

And last but not least for a shot I really liked lol, because, well, Sam and Dean are literally Gabriel’s wings uhm wingmen here. ;)

Other than that I liked the episode. But probably only because of the focus I read into it in regards to Dean which may not end up being anything at all lol. But yeah, Jensen’s acting/my worry about Dean surely carried me through this episode.

#SPN spoilers #SPN Meta #Supernatural Meta #Dean love club #Dean Winchester Meta #13x20 #Unfinished Business #Dean Winchester #SPN speculation #Possible foreshaodiwng #Visual and narrative callbacks #Also probably a lot of unpopular opinion in relation to writing #SPN criticism #Dusty Gifs #Gif Meta+#13x20gif #Queued

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