#also its been MONTHS since i watched the other routes i just got back to it & finished hisuis route so idr stuff well but i do rmbr how well | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thatsgay-writes · 1 year

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literally begging for a kit tanthalos x reader where reader is a princess who kit is engaged for an arranged marriage to instead of graydon and kit acts really rude towards them, and reader only finds out later that it’s because kit loves her and didn’t think she could ever be good enough for her?

This Takes Place Pre-Willow Series

(Any Info I Have On Cashmere Is Literally From Google.) Not Proof Read

You sit at the head table next to your father in the Castle of Tir Asleen. You run through all the etiquette you’ve learned through the years in your head as you enjoy the meal in front of you and give an occasional polite smile as you make accidentally make eye contact with other people. Many people were staring at you and your father, not only had the announcement of your engagement to Princess Kit been a surprise to the people of Tir Asleen and Cashmere but seeing Cashmere royals outside their walls was rare as well. Speaking of Princess Kit, you had barely gotten the time to know her but you were already… interested to say the least. Being put into an arranged marriage wasn’t something you had on your bucket list but at least your fiancé was good looking and similar in age to you. Luckily for you, and you assume Kit, you had convinced your father to allow you to stay in Tir Asleen for some months before being wed. So at least you would get to know the person you were marrying, if Kit allowed. You had been staring at Kit, unceremoniously, for the past 15 minutes as she talks to another girl at the table. When there was a pause in their conversation, Kit turns towards you and you turn to your food.

---

"Y/n Jyranthi, the princess of Cashmere, last name is based off the Empire that Cashmere replaced." Kit tells Jade as the two of them turn back to look at you. You had already been looking at them and turn away and act like you were involved in the conversation with your father and Queen Sorsha. "I thought there was two of them." Jade wonders, as she notices the way Kit couldn't take her eyes off of you. "There is but no one has seen the other prince or princess ever, no one even knows the other siblings gender. The people of Cashmere rarely leave their kingdom. But that is the one I am to marry." Kit finally looks away from you to look at Jade. "Have you at least spoken to her yet?" "Yes, I curtsied like a real lady... and she did the same in return, gave me a small smile, and then sort of disappeared."

---

You put down your cutlery and look towards the Queen as she makes a speech about the reason for your family's visit and the feast that was spread before everyone. "Two hundred moons since the knights of Galladoorn vanquished Bavmorda's legions and freed Tir Asleen from its curse. And for two-hundred moons, we've maintained a civil alliance, governing with mutual consent, while preserving our autonomy. One realm, two separate kingdoms. Until now. In 6 moons, Princess Y/n of Cashmere will marry my daughter, Kit. Adding a new and harmonious alliance between Tir Asleen and Cashmere. Not only will this open a new route of trading but it will also assure a strengthened front against any foe we might face." You keep taking peaks at Kit's expression through out the speech and you can see her eyes widen at the announcement of 6 moons until you got married. Clearly, Queen Sorsha hadn't informed her of the change you fought so hard for.

Queen Sorsha raises her glass to finish her speech. "To the brides, may they rule wisely and justly, and defend our realm till that day when the true empress Elora Danan returns." You notice Kit staring at you out of the corner of your eye as you all stand and hold out your cups. You give her a polite smile but she just turns away in response.

-----

You stand near the edge of the party as you watch a people dance together near the center of the room. One of them being Kit and her knight, Jade. You meet your fathers eyes from across the room and nod your head. You walk towards Kit and Jade, "I'm sorry to interupt but I was wondering if I could talk to Kit for a second." You can see Kit's eyes pleading with Jade to say no but you both knew Jade couldn't really deny you. "Of course." She says with a smile and shoots Kit a knowing look before heading towards the drink table. You slide in easy to where Jade had been standing and start to slow dance with Kit, making sure to leave an obvious gap between the two of you."

"So, umm, what do you think about all this?" You ask as you try and make conversation, now that you were close to Kit, it was a lot harder to think. "Well it's not ideal..." You grimace and nod your head at her words, not surprised. "But I thought we were supposed to get married tomorrow? Where did this 6 moons thing come from?" You shift nervously as she stares at you intently, like she trying to read your mind. "Well I figured if we were both forced into this marriage, it would be better to get to know one another first." You say with a small shrug. "Wow, I'm actually surprised my mother would agree to that." Kit says as she turns her head to look at her mother, who was standing with your dad, who were both staring at the two of you. "Yes well, it was the least I could do." Kit turns back to you with a little confusion in her eyes. "What do you mean?" "Well I just meant with Jade being enlisted into the Paladins, I wouldn't want her to just disappear over night from you. Besides this way we could get to know each other before being stuck together for the rest of our lives."

Kit barely hears the last sentence that leaves your lips. Jade's leaving Tir Asleen? Jade's leaving her? You can see the wheels in Kit's head turning. "Shit, she hasn't told you yet has she? Me and my big mouth... Don't worry though, she would return to be our personal knight once she finished her training." You try to alleviate her fears or whatever else was running through her head. But you could tell that the damage was done. "If you'll excuse me." Kit says but she gives you no time to response as she stomps off towards Jade, who you give an apologetic look as Kit starts to yell at her and make a scene.

-----

Kit had not talked to you since the night of the feast. You had tried everything you could to get her attention but nothing seemed to work. So you stuck to yourself and either ended up at the stables or training with the knights, who would let you win. Today seemed like another day of isolation but you saw Jade and Kit heading out of the kingdom and you decided to follow. Maybe you should have said something, let them know you were following but Kit probably would have made you stay in the kingdom or decided not to go where ever they were going, so you followed them from a distance. There was a few hiccups here and there, where you would step on a twig or accidentally kick a rock but you always managed to hit the ground in time so they wouldn't see you.

Well, except this time. You dropped to the ground as fast as you could, heart hammering in your chest as you mentally cursed at yourself. You parents would be very disappointed in your stealth skill right now. You wait a couple seconds and when you don't hear anything you begin to slowly rise. "Who are you and why are you following us?" You hear Jade say with her very distinct accent, a blade pressed to the center of your back. "I was just wondering where you guys were going." You say with an even voice as you feel Jade take the blade away from your back. "Oh, princess, my apologies." She says as she offers you a hand up as you turn over. "It's fine, I clearly need to brush up on my stealth." You tell her as you give her a smile and dust yourself off. "What are you following us?" Kit asks, anger clear in her voice, as she glares at you. Arms crossed, unconsciously flexing her biceps, it was kind of hot. You shook yourself out of your stupor. "I just wanted to know where you guys were going."

"And you couldn't have just asked." Kit says accusatorily, getting in your face. "Kit-" Jade goes to stop her but you hold your hand up. "And what? You would have let me join you? Let me follow along? Pretend to at least tolerate my company?" You retort and get close enough to Kit that your noses are touching. "I begged my father and your mother for at least a chance to get to know you before we were both bound by marriage. Jyranthi don't beg, that is something that has been ingrained in my head since I was born. I lost some of my dignity fighting for 6 moons to get to know you and for what? The cold shoulder?" Kit doesn't respond and you decidedly ignore the way her eyes flick down to your lips and back up and how it made you feel. You let out a deep breath as you back away. "Never mind, this was clearly a mistake. If either of you need me I will be in the stables. Again. Like I have been for the past 2 moons." You shoot Jade a friendly smile as you walk away from the two and back to the Tir Asleen. Missing the clear slap on the back of the head Jade gives Kit and the forehead slap she gives to herself.

-----

You wish you could say much has changed since your argument with the other princess, but that would be a lie. Other than the times Queen Sorsha forces Kit to take you to train with Jade and her, you haven't hung out with her sense. She did, however, send you the occasional smile as you passed in the halls and let you sit with her and Jade during dinners. But today was the last day she would be allowed to semi-ignore you, for tomorrow you to would be wed and your kingdoms united. Sorsha had tasked you with the job to retrieve Jade and Kit from their training, so they would have time to change and prepare for the feast for your father's arrival. Usually as you walk up the stony path, you can hear the sound of swords clashing against each other but today it was almost deathly silent... Almost.

"What do I do Jade?" You can hear Kit say as you reach the peak of the cliff and hide behind some rocks. "Literally anything other than what you have been doing these past 6 moons would be fine." Jade says with a slightly bored tone, like she has told Kit the same thing multiple time. "But does it even matter? Either way tomorrow we will get married and then we'll be like that for probably the rest of our lives." Jade just nods along as she lets Kit work things out in her head. "I mean she even said it herself, she begged our parents just to get to know me before we got married and for what? For her to figure out she is only going to marry an asshole?" Kit grunts as she throws a rock off the cliff. "Gods Jade, she just... she deserves someone better. Someone who shows her the interest and care she deserves from the beginning, not someone who realizes too late how much they care for her." Jade looks over at Kit with a shocked expression. "You're not saying what I think your saying... Are you?" Kit looks at Jade nervously and lets out a sad laugh. "I guess I am... huh... I love her, a lot more than I wanted or was going to allow myself to and I thought if I ignored her and pushed her away, maybe the feelings would go away. Maybe she would beg for our parents to reconsider. Maybe she could get them to change their minds and she could marry for love and not political reasons, like she deserves... But a too little, too late, am I right?"

-----

Kit loves you? Kit is in love with you? Wow. You couldn't help the large smile that graced your face as you finally made your presence known. Kit and Jade both jump to their feet in shock and Kit with a bit of embarrassment. "How much of that did you hear? Didn't your parents tell you that it's rude to eavesdrop?" Kit says with a slight anger in her voice but you know it because she's trying to ignore and cover up everything you just heard. You don't give her a response and just walk up to her, caressing her face in your hands. Jade takes a couple steps back as she looks on with a smirk, she's never seen Kit so unsure or lost for words. "We should go right? I'm sure my mother sent you up here to--" You cut Kit off as you plant your lips on hers. Kit freezes at the sudden contact but quickly warms up to it and wraps her arms around your waist pulling you closer. You both break away as you run out of air and Kit wears a giant smile on her face and you match it with your own. You both go back in for another kiss when Jade clears her throat and the two of you jump apart. "As glad as I am that Kit has gotten her shit together. I am sure Queen Sorsha did actually send you up here to retrieve us?" Jade asks as you blush and nod your head while looking at the ground, missing the way Kit stares at you with complete adoration. Jade groans as she grabs hers and Kit's swords off the ground and starts walking down the cliff. "Great, I'm going to be a permanent third wheel now, aren't I?" Jade just says to the world and Kit blows a raspberry at her as the two of you follow behind her.

-----

When you return to the castle, hand in hand with Kit, your father is already there and conversing with Queen Sorsha. Sorsha looks surprised to see you and Kit holding hand and blushing like young children but your father looks proud and happy for you. The feast that night was a blast and instead of sitting with your father at the main table, you smushed in next to Kit at hers. The two of you also danced the night away, making sure to include Jade as to not make her feel like a third wheel. Everything was perfect....

You just wished it had stayed that way.

#x reader #willow #willow 2022 #kit tanthalos #kit x reader #kit tanthalos x reader #willow (2022)#willow series

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neo-shitty · 10 months

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(teaser) and i would like you to love me — l.mk

excerpt. “i loved her hard and at a distance, which made it easier to do, experienced brief but powerful compulsions to hug her and almost never did.” - our wives under the sea, julia armfield.

pairings. mark lee x gender-neutral reader, slight na jaemin x gender-neutral reader

genre. angst, slight fluff, best friends!au, one-sided pining

warnings. swearing. mark is so...whipped...it’s almost pathetic.

word count. 0.9k (teaser), 4.6k (fic)

notes. i wrote this way back when i first heard drunk text by henry moodie on the radio in february but i only got around to finishing it this week. ah, i still feel detached towards kpop but i feel like this would be something my old audience would enjoy :)) also, thank you @sulfurcosmos for helping me decide which dreamie to put under inexplicable emotional suffering HAHA

“Leaving?” Mark watched as a blur crossed the room, moving past him on the way somewhere he—in his sorry state of insobriety—couldn’t quite figure out just yet. The blur is you, on your merry way to take the unconventional route to the kitchen to fetch more drinks or heading for the backyard to take a dip in the pool.

Or leaving, because you stop by the doorway, picking up the sneakers you came in with as you bid you goodbyes to the others around you. “Already?”

The room Mark was in was a clockless one and with his phone dead, he had no way of knowing how late the night had gotten. Was it late enough to warrant heading home or just another one of the days you were up for hanging out until you weren’t? Either way, he still pushed himself off the couch, anticipating the nauseating world-spin that came with the sudden jerk of motion and waited for it to pass. Then he was fine—the world stilling momentarily—and he’s saying his ‘goodbye’s and ‘see you next time’s until he was out the door.

You hadn’t gotten that far yet, less than a house away when he stumbled down the front porch steps and trampled the front lawns of the springers. He was debating calling out to you to wait when he noticed you slowed your steps to match his, waiting until you walked side by side on the sidewalk.

He wasn’t sure how far down on the way home his thoughts shifted from keeping his walking straight to the rabbit hole he’d fallen into. Ever since the seed sprouted in the depths of his mind, he never was able to get away from it—tangled in its grasp and dragged down every time he was reminded of it. It was hard not to think of it when he saw you almost everyday, your image ingrained into his eyelids with the permanence of all those years of friendship.

Tonight, the thoughts loomed just beyond the horizon; from the moment you ran out the front door waving to your parents by the doorway, to the bus ride you spent standing together and trying their best not to fall over, to enjoying the party all the while looking out for where the other had gone.

It was always like this between you, a seemingly mismatched compatibility outlasting the average lifetime of a pair with a dynamic like theirs. People like you grew into something more or diminished into nothing, unable to withstand the test of time. Not you, though. Your friendship mirrored the way the tides shifted through the months, reaching far into the shore only to pull far back later on. He was the static sand of the shoreline and you were the tide, moving with the push and pull of lunar gravity; growing closer to each other until you overlapped then backing away but never entirely apart. Nothing more, nothing less and Mark was content with that.

Until one night—mid-summer—in a drunken haze he wondered if it would be wrong to want something more than just this and nothing had been able to quell the thought ever since.

It spread through his mind like a plague, an obsessive fascination of this possibility happening because it wasn’t off the table. They might work. And he would think of what it would be like to call you more than just a friend, to hold you closer than their current unsaid boundaries allowed, to feel your warmth against his—chest to chest with your hearts beating in sync.

The thoughts led him here, verbalized in the form of your name for the first time since its inception in the recesses of his mind.

You were still looking at him, arms finding their ways back to your side after pretending to keep your balance on levelled ground. It took one glance at your face, your curiosity warping into impatience, for him to remember what he was really up against. Every con listed itself in bullets in his mind, matching up against his established list of delusion-fuelled pros. What if you didn’t feel the same way? He’d thought about it before. People have taken bullets to the chest and lived to tell the tale, so why couldn’t he? But he knows it wasn’t just about the ache of the potential rejection, it was about every ripple and repercussion following the confession because...

What if he lost her?

And somehow that was enough to snap him out of the deluded trance, every inch of mustered courage dwindling as he weighed the possibilities—his losses always heavier than the probable benefits. Certainties, such as your being a part of his life, would remain as such until factors that could potentially affect it would surface, and uncertainties will, well, remain uncertain until further evidence would prove it closer to certainty than the former.

So, Mark shook his head. “Nothing,” he said. “Just be careful.” It was a stupid excuse but he knew you’d never look into it more than the fact that a man just tried to dictate your actions.

“How about you be careful and start minding your own business?” you answered, keeping a feisty fit until you broke into a laugh, filling the air of the silent evening. When he didn’t laugh along with you, you stuck out your tongue, leaping onto the next square on the pattern across the sidewalk with your arms stretched out.

You were right though. Between you and him, he had more chances of falling over even if he wasn’t hopping around. And if that happened, he’d be more than happy to lie there gazing at the semi-starry night sky—the road not taken lingering as a daydream in his mind.

taglist? send an ask. | © neo-shitty, 2022

#mark fluff #mark angst #mark x reader #kwritersworldnet #nct angst #nct fluff #mark lee angst #mark lee fluff #mark imagines #mark scenarios #mark fics #nct x reader #nct scenarios #nct imagines #mark lee x reader #toff.writes

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jono723 · 11 months

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Dinner is served

Finally here is the fic you guys voted for. I apologize for the very late post of the interactive fic that was supposed to have been posted like 2 or 3 weeks ago. School is almost done, and I got buried in school work XD. Enough excuses, Let's get started hope you guys enjoy it!!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Bo's admiration

Winner: Dinner at the forge

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Bo-Katan continues her trek towards the Great Forge to visit the Golden Helmeted Mandalorian, who has worked hard since they took back Mandalore. She still remembers how happy she was when the armorer told her of the reinforcement and the grace the Armorer fought alongside her with a hammer, even when everyone had blasters.

Bo couldn’t help but smile as she remembered after the battle when the armorer noticed her broken hand and decided to help her bend it back and wrap it. She couldn’t help but think how she wished she got injured more often just for the Armorer to care for her.

“What am I thinking? That's not something I should wish for. She has other jobs than taking care of me.” Bo mumbles trying to shake away the memory.

While deep in thought, Bo walks into something or someone as Beskar rings. “I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention.” Bo apologizes as she looks towards who she had hit.

“I’m alright. It’ll take more than that to hurt me, but are you ok?” Din asks a bit worriedly.

“I’m fine. I was just thinking of the trade route.” Bo quickly lies.

“You’re doing great, Bo-Katan. I heard from Luke it's just signing now and how his sister is rooting for Mandalore’s independence.” Din says, even under the helmet, you can hear his fondness.

“It is you seem happy. That’s good. Make sure Grogu isn't anywhere near when you do it.” Bo says, smirking at her friend,

“I-i... We don’t! Anyway, where are you off to?” Din asks, changing the topic.

“To the Great Forge, it's been a while, and I wanted to see how the repairs are going,” Bo lies, not wanting to reveal the real reason. She didn’t want to tell Din it was to visit the Armorer, not that it was wrong.

“I just came from there, and it’s great the Armorer seems happy and focused on work.” Din says he notices the sun is at its peak

”I’m sorry I must cut our talk short, but I have to pick up Grogu from Axe. He and Ragnar are training.” Din says quickly, nodding to the Mand’alor and sprinting off.

Bo arrives at the entrance to the Great Forge. No longer the hall in rubble, an arc way now stands as she approaches the forge. She can hear a hammer ringing. She stops and closes her eyes, enjoying the sound.

When the sound stopped, she opened her eyes and saw the Armorer’s back turned towards her. The woman, hard at work, piles of beskar just below the platform on a bench though sits an unopened ration pack. It made Bo check the time as she confirmed it was well-passed lunch and nearing dinner time.

Bo wonders if the woman missed lunch and only ate ration packs. While it was efficient, it wasn't healthy.’Was the armorer too busy with work?’ Bo thinks, watching the Armorer work. ‘I should get her a proper meal for dinner.’ Bo thought as she quickly turned around and walked out of the forge.

Bo goes to her little cottage at the edge of town. She got it a month after retaking Mandalore. It had a kitchen, living room, refresher, two bedrooms, and a training area at the back. Bo walks straight to her kitchen. She removes her helmet and sets it down on the counter before cooking. After cooking, Bo puts the meals and drinks inside a basket. She also grabbed some plates, utensils, and a tablecloth. She puts on her helmet and holds the basket as she heads out.

It’s almost sunset when she is near the Great Forge again. A little ways away from the path, she sees a bunch of people playing a game by the fire, some without a helmet, some with. When she enters the Great Forge, this time she walks straight into the forge. She doesn't linger at the entrance, and she walks in.

The Armorer sees her and stops what she's doing. "Lady Kryze, what services do you need of me?" the Armorer asks, giving her full attention to Bo.

"I made some food and had no one to share it with, so I thought a meal would be perfect for relaxing since you've been working hard all this time. We could turn our backs against each other so I won’t see your face, and we could both eat." Bo says, holding out a basket. Her heart was pounding in her ears.

The Armorer tilted her head to the side, staring at Bo. The silence felt so long for Bo. She has never been nervous about having dinner with someone. After a minute, the Armorer put her tools aside and walked towards Bo.

“I would be honored to have dinner with you, Lady Kryze.” the Armorer said. Bo felt a haze over her. She suddenly felt hot, like she would combust, feeling a bit faint. Shaking herself out of her daze, Bo walked closer to the Armorer.

The Armorer walked over to a table, cleared it of items, and propped up two chairs. Bo put her basket on one of the chairs, removed the blanket, and covered the table. She then moved the basket to the table and began to empty it of food. There were a few sandwiches, and soup after a while, the Armorer helped her set the plates and utensils.

After preparing the table, the two took a plate of food and sat, leaning against each other. Bo removes her helmet with a hiss and puts it beside her. Then she grabs a plate from the table. “I can’t see you now. You can remove your helmet now.” Bo says, “Thank you.” the Armorer responded.

Then a hiss can be heard. Bo’s chest pounded nervously. She looked at her hands where a plate of food sat. Bo decided to distract herself from thinking by eating away. It was halfway through the meal that the comfortable silence was broken.

“I must say, Lady Kryze, this food you have prepared is simply delicious.” The Armorer says Bo can hear the delight in her voice.

“I’m glad you like it, but please call me by my name when we're alone.” Bo says, “If that is what you wish, Bo-katan.” the Armorer says.

“Thank you, and the recipe is a family recipe. The soup is my mother's recipe. She always made it with my sister while my father and I were training.” Bo says fondly, taking a bite.

“I am honored you have shared this with me.” The Armourer states.

After a few moments, Bo broke the silence. “How is the tribe doing, if I may inquire?” Bo asks. “I was just curious if they are comfortable since I know how the nite owls are doing. I should also check on other factions.” Bo quickly explains herself. The Armorer chuckles at that.

“The tribe is doing alright. I am glad you worry about us.” the Armorer says fondly. They talk more about the state of Mandalore and their plans.

Thump Thump

Bo and the Armorer hear footsteps heading to the forge. The armorer quickly puts down her food and puts on her helmet with a hiss while Bo stands up and walks towards the footsteps.

“Bo, are you here?” the voice of Koska calls out. Bo looks at the armorer, who nods at her. “We're over here, Koska.” Bo shouts at the nite owl.

“Bo, you need to go to the campfire. A fight is happening, and the idiots won’t stop. I tried.” Koska says frustratedly

“Alright, I’ll go.” Bo says as she grabs her helmet. She stops to think about who goes with her to stop the fight.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Our story is not over yet. This is an interactive fic, so as always, choose wisely. This will affect the story.

It's time to vote!!

#nitearmor #bo katan x the armorer #bo katan x armorer #bo katan kryze #the armorer #bo katan #the mandalorian #nitearmour #mandalore #interactive fic #din djarin #koska reeves

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0thsense · 5 months

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11/29/2023

It's been a while since nippon and nothing good has happened. That's not really true but it is true I haven't made progress on my goals. I've even made negative progress on lifting and running. Or maybe sideways who cares im just not dedicated enough. why do i bother with good grammar on these posts just let it go bro.

I did well on the osu tournament at least, but ive gotta give up on that shit. just play for fun and casual improvement. I fucked up my wrist the other day too and it still hurts. It kinda hurts to type to be honest. tumblr can fuck off with the spellcheck btw. i talked to Peter about his journaling and im starting to think that my thoughts are just way more cringe than average. ur telling me everyone else doesnt have to hold back cringe all the time? i love being cringe is the problem

one thing I remember feeling on the way to see my pt is that i think i like feeling sad. the type of sad where id like to say its something other than self pity but its probably just self pity. god im so reluctant to say im falling into a common trap that is wallowing in self pity.

oh yea I started taking caffeine pills and not taking medication. I don't think its helping so far but I feel less shit all the time. is it time to truly give up? im scared that im losing my mental faculties. I remember I used to try to optimize everything i did. which i thought was dumb at the time because I would proceed to waste all the extra time I had. but now I dont have that drive to optimize anymore. i dont believe in myself to be different anymore. in fact its a struggle to even be normal.

i dont know if ive talked about this before but I tried to go for a route in my life where I wouldnt have to learn to be normal. if I got far enough doing special weird things then people would accept that I didnt have to be normal, and theyd even praise me for it. but now that ive fallen off the wagon I have to just be behind on being normal instead. I hate the feeling that other people will look at me and think I was wrong all along.

Im so doomer in these posts. I guess getting off the medication wasnt enough to stave away the depression. I didnt even do anything today either programming wise. Theres a month left, and its december. maybe i should just start leetcoding now. I say that cuz its the normal thing to say but there is no way I start before the new year. time to pretend to be happy for the holidays.

im worried that it will be difficult to find a job. i want to find a job in new york but i need to find a position that lets me afford rent. i have a limited number of people i can reach out to for referrals and if those dont pan out im probably in deep trouble and will need to take whatever i can get.

there's a channel called hoe_math on yt that has blackpilled views but surprisingly its really popular. the couple vids i watched were entertaining and agreeable and im scared of watching more and becoming a misogynist. the old me would not have been scared. watch and sift the new information and try to remain as objective as possible keeping in mind all of your own biases. now im a thinking plebian. what happened to me? i ask as i know the answer perfectly well.

also i think im bad at diagnosing my own mental state. after taking molly for the first time i could barely tell i felt anything. that probably has an effect on my diet for example, where my instinct on what i need to eat is dull. is this linked to not being in touch with my emotions? ur feelings are partly a reflection of your body's state after all.

i cant even finish this stupid pong game. any mental obstacle that i think will take like an hour is just too much. the true test of will is the will that can give consistent effort day after day. i wonder how neurotypicals feel. does it also feel literally impossible for them to do certain things? what does it mean to just not want to do something? determinism wise everything either happens or is impossible. i have a hard time relating that to the things adhd stops me from doing. maybe the reason im more inclined to believe determinism is that adhd makes the illusion of choice much weaker.

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wevelocityteampresents-blog · 8 months

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SEPTEMBER 1ST

I started to work on another new art piece. This time, it was created digitally. I figured that if I can't complete any traditional artwork, I might as well focus on digital work instead.

I didn't have much reason to be sad. Today was the day I created a new poll for my website. This poll will help me decide the new character for MEOWCO. You can send your vote here!

SEPTEMBER 2ND

Saturday seemed a little uneventful. I finished that new artwork from yesterday. However, I won't be able to upload it to my website until tomorrow due to personal reasons.

When it came to Pokémon, Shelgon evolved today. It was a good thing I focused on his Speed before he evolved.

While in Sandgem Town, I decided to talk to Dawn to see if she had anything new to say to me. To my surprise, I unlocked the ability to fight her.

If you want to see this match for yourself, you can watch it here. Seeing her use Magmortar reminded me that I should train my own at some point.

You don't say?

I managed to find a Sneasel on Route 217 that held a Quick Claw. Naturally, I caught it.

Since I didn't need the Sneasel, I took her to the Global Wonder Station to start a chain of Wonder Trades.

I didn't get any new Pokémon. But the events that happened in the GWS were still pretty interesting.

I don't know who this Cog person is. But they must have teleportation powers if they can be in two places at once.

After my next Wonder Trade, I marked my 250th point.

I thought I wouldn't see this screen again until I marked 300 points. The Rare Candies will be of great use in the future.

SEPTEMBER 3RD

I finally finished my new art piece. (The first real piece of artwork I've drawn since July.) I based it on an official crossover between the Pokémon franchise and Hatsune Miku. (Yes, that is something that ACTUALLY exists) You can view it on my website.

SEPTEMBER 4TH

I visited the Jubilife TV Station to win my daily lottery prize. I was expecting something like a Lucky Egg or some PP Up. Instead, I got the first prize:

It's not a Master Ball. But it's still something handy. I knew visiting this place every day would pay off!

After another battle, I went back to Pokémon Violet to add more Pokémon to the Paldea Pokédex. One of the Pokémon I needed was a Primeape. And luckily, there was a shiny Primeape available for trade on Pokémon HOME's GTS. I got it in exchange for the Cresselia I caught last month.

I knew I'd be able to trade her for something someday.

SEPTEMBER 5TH

I struggled to complete some assignments because of the air quality. It was just as bad as the middle of the summer. Despite that, I still managed to get things done.

I thought about taking on the Wi-Fi Room in the Heartgold Battle Tower again. This time, I'll use a Ditto with Quick Powder to deal with the hacked Pokémon in the 7th round. Even though it sounds like a solid strategy, my current internet connection doesn't support non-DSi enhanced games. I'll find a way to connect it someday.

In Pokémon Violet, I was going to fly somewhere until I came across a wild Sliggoo. It was a roaming Tera Pokémon that was at a low level. Fortunately, Braixen was enough to lower its health so I could catch it.

In all honestly, that might have been one of my difficult catches in this game.

Speaking of catch, these Poké Ball descriptions are a little confusing.

Is the Dive Ball more effective than the Lure Ball? Is it the other way around? Someone should have written these in a way that explained the Ball functions more clearly.

While trying to find Flabébé, I decided to talk to one of the nearby picnickers. To my surprise, she gave me some new sandwich ingredients.

The interaction made me talk to other picnickers. Sure enough, they also gave me some things for sandwiches.

While the ingredients were cool, I was disappointed in the fact that I couldn't join in with the other people on the route. (Like with camps in the Sword and Shield versions.)

I used Pokémon HOME to transfer a few Pokémon I needed to complete the Paldea Pokédex. While I still had the game open, I converted some of my HOME Points into Battle Points for Pokémon Brilliant Diamond.

I spent some of the new BP on a Muscle Band for CHAIRMAN.

Back in Violet, I was looking around for a Masquerain. I stopped to fight this Poké Maniac just for his dialogue.

But Pokémon ARE like the monsters in movies. (At least most of them are...) I thought I had to reset the game because he had a Pokémon that could help raise the stats of my Pokémon. That was until I realized Bagon was the only one he had on hand.

This might be the first time I've heard Pokémon be referred to as "monsters" since 2005. (And outside of Japan, too.)

But Pokémon always win.

After I beat that guy, I went off to hatch a Slakoth. But not before witnessing a Magikarp aimlessly flop around, waiting to become dinner for some predator.

After racing around on Miraidon for a bit, the Slakoth finally hatched in one of the Ten Sights of Paldea.

Secluded, this is not.

With a nearby Crabrawler, the caught Pokémon total rose to 355. Now there's only 45 more Pokémon for me to deal with.

A task I'm sure I won't have any trouble with in the slightest.

AUGUST 6TH

I managed to speed up my schoolwork and completely embarrass someone by getting better grades than them in my classes. I wish most of my school days could be like that.

When I went to see the Pokémon I got through Wonder Trades in Pokémon HOME, I managed to get a Chatot.

It came from the DP series and belonged to someone named Concert. I was about to trade it. But stopped after I learned about this Pokémon's value.

This Chatot is actually an event Pokémon. Given away in honor of the 10th Anniversary Concert held for... ...Pokémon's 10th anniversary. This explains the name and why it came from the DP series. What makes things more special is that I obtained this little guy through a Wonder Trade as opposed to the GTS or regular trades.

1 note · View note

searidings · 3 years

Note

hi, i just love you and your writing

can i suggest something - you are in love (taylor swift) and supercorp

i cannot listen to that song without going yeah, that's them

(also on ao3 if you prefer)

Five years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, five years from now, Lena will think back to this moment.

This moment, which is as close as Lena's come to happiness since she'd woken up ziptied to a chair in her brother's office. This moment which, despite the fuzzy feeling of her unbrushed teeth and the pungent aroma of burnt toast filling the air, is perfect.

Kara, bed-warm and sleep-heavy, is gazing beseechingly down at the charred remains of a slice of a bread as though if she only pouts hard enough, its edges will un-blacken and its corners will stop smoking.

“I'm so sorry,” she says as Lena rounds the screen separating Kara's bedroom from the rest of the apartment and perches herself on a barstool, tugging her borrowed sleep shorts a little lower down her thighs.

Kara's tone is mournful, her face so forlorn she looks to be one deep breath away from tears. “I wanted breakfast to be perfect, since it's your first time staying over and if it's terrible you might not want to stay again and I, I really want you to stay again, but I don't know why you would since you probably have a private chef waiting for you at home and I can’t even manage toast—”

“Kara,” Lena interrupts, biting at the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing as Kara's bottom lip trembles. “It's fine, really. I once set fire to my dorm kitchen trying to boil an egg. And besides,” she winks as blue eyes meet hers. “I like to give my personal chef the weekends off.”

Kara huffs out a relieved chuckle, her face brightening. “Oh, well, in that case,” she grins, a sparkle returning to her eyes. “I'd better feed you up before you go home. Never let it be said that I don't look after you.”

Lena can't help the smile that pulls at her as the warm bright feeling in her chest grows and grows. She tugs the sleeves of Kara's sweatshirt over her hands, fighting the urge to fidget as the blonde orders a frankly obscene amount of food from the brunch place on the corner.

She feels exposed like this, face bare and hair sleep-mussed, unshowered with unbrushed teeth, huddled inside borrowed clothes after the impromptu invitation to stay over when last night's movie marathon ran late. It's a far cry from the regimented composure she fights so hard every day to project, and something in her chest twists anxiously.

Kara is a reporter, after all, and National City really doesn't need any more reasons to hate Lena right now. The darkest corner of her mind – the one which has been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for everything to come crashing down ever since the whirlwind of Kara's too-good-to-be-true friendship had come blazing into her life – still worries that this may all be an elaborate ruse. A trap, a way to get close to her in order to assess her weaknesses, to bring her down with an inside scoop.

But in their six months of friendship, Kara's never given her any reason to believe she has any kind of ulterior motive. And despite the suspicions and anxieties hammered into her by a lifetime of hurt, Lena knows now that even if this is a trap, she'll take the bait willingly. Especially if it means Kara will keep looking at her like there might just be something in Lena that's worth her time.

"Hey,” the blonde says gently, leaning back against the counter opposite and pinning Lena with a searching look. “You okay? You kind of zoned out on me there.”

Lena jumps, blinking back into herself with a start. “Yes, sorry. I was miles away.”

The blonde only smiles, flicking on the coffee machine at her elbow. “You sleep okay?”

“Very well, thank you,” Lena answers, fighting to lessen the formality of her tone, to soften the edges her harsh childhood had sharpened into a fortress to keep the world at bay. “Your bed is surprisingly comfortable. I had a great night's sleep.”

"Perhaps the company had something to do with it,” Kara winks as she turns to pull two mugs down from the hooks at her shoulder. Lena thinks back to the smell of Kara's sheets and the soft pulls of her breathing, to the warmth of Kara's ankle against her calf and the strong fingers that had wrapped themselves in the sleeve of Lena's sweatshirt in sleep, anchoring them together. She blushes.

Kara only smirks, pouring their drinks and grabbing the milk from the fridge. “Well, the food's all ordered, it should be here soon,” she says over her shoulder, the waterfall of her golden ponytail mesmerising in the bright rays of morning light filtering in through the vaulted windows. “And you don't need to head off in a hurry, unless you have plans—?”

She glances back at Lena, who shakes her head. “Great!” she grins. “’Cause I was thinking, maybe we could check out the botanical gardens, since it's such a nice day? Oh, and there's a new bakery right across the street that I've been dying to try—”

Lena listens to the blonde's excited rambling with an endeared smile plastered to her face, feeling happy and warm and wanted with every fibre of her being. The feeling is new but so welcome she could cry, and Lena wonders – not for the first time – how she ever got so lucky.

Kara's presence in her life is like sugar in her coffee; meant only to sweeten that which has always been bitter.

Lena's always taken her coffee black. Softening the blow was never much her style.

But here, now, perched at Kara's breakfast bar with her hands wrapped around a steaming mug the blonde has brewed to perfection, sunlight streaming in and highlighting the angles and planes of Kara's face, the way she’s smiling at Lena like there's nowhere else in the world she'd rather be, she realises her reasoning is twofold.

Sugar isn't just appetising. It's addictive. And now that Lena's had a taste of sweetness, she's hooked.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

Four years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, four years from now, Lena will also think back to this moment.

This moment, which may well be one of the lowest of Lena's life. And she's had some doozies.

The two bottles of wine she'd managed to mainline between Sam leaving to orchestrate damage control at L-Corp and Kara arriving and attempting to confiscate her glass have well and truly caught up to her now. She sways heavily on her stool, the room spinning. Tears sting her vision and guilt scorches her throat as she presses a hand over her eyes so she won't have to look at Kara's face anymore.

“Please, just— just, stop believing in me, okay?” she slurs, heart full to shattering with the faces of lead-poisoned children. “I am not worth it.”

She hears Kara sigh, and the room falls silent for a long long time. Lena drops her head fully into her hands, fighting the nausea that's taken root in the pit of her stomach. It could be the booze that's causing it, of course, but it could also be the incessant headlines baying for her blood, the bullet James had taken for her that she'd fully deserved, the curse of her family finally fulfilling itself.

The guilt, the worry, the crushing disappointment of the knowledge that despite her very best efforts, she'll never be anything but a monster— it's too much to feel. It's too much to bear.

So, Lena drinks.

She drains her glass. She pours another. Kara watches, silent and disapproving, fingers twitching against the granite countertop between them.

Lena finishes her glass. Splashes the last dregs of the bottle into it, blood on ice. Still Kara watches, motionless and mute. It's only when Lena's swallowed the last of the red and is lurching unsteadily to her feet to source another that she moves, a hand reaching out to encircle her wrist.

Shame ignites beneath her skin and she pushes Kara away. Snaps at her to go home, to learn to recognise a lost cause when she sees one and just give up already. Kara refuses with a stoic shake of her head, and Lena sighs.

They repeat the same routine three times en route to Sam's wine rack, the blonde shadowing her every step. Each time, Lena wobbles, head fuzzy and room spinning. Each time, Kara steadies her, and Lena flinches from her touch like her palm is a brand, snarls at her to leave, to cut her losses, to just fuck off. Each time, Kara refuses.

She eventually retrieves the wine after a number of unsuccessful attempts but overbalances on her toes, bottle slipping from her grip as she sways dangerously. And then Kara is there, glass bottle caught a split second before it can shatter, a firm arm at her waist that will not be rebuffed.

Lena struggles, shoving and protesting, but this time Kara does not give in. “Enough,” she says quietly, firmly, blue eyes burning a mere inch from Lena's own. “Lena, enough.”

Lena's unsteady legs buckle further and Kara’s basically holding her up now, walking her slowly over to the couch and she shouldn't be this strong, surely, shouldn't be lifting Lena onto the cushions quite this easily. But it's such a minor concern when weighted against the fact that Lena is personally responsible for the hospitalisation of children that her mind brushes over it, forgets it immediately.

"Please go home,” she slurs as the blonde arranges her on the couch, as she stashes the unopened wine far out of reach and sets about finding blankets and pillows in various cupboards. “Please, just— leave me alone.”

“No,” Kara says, almost snaps, glancing back over her shoulder. Partially hidden in the linen cupboard, her face is cast deep in shadow, a splinter of half-concealed truth. “I made you a promise, I gave you my word. I'm your friend, and I will protect you. Always.”

She crosses back to the couch, soft blankets and pillows held out in invitation. When Lena refuses the offering Kara sighs, draping a knitted throw over her anyway and perching on the cushions beside Lena's hip. “I'm not going to leave you, so you might as well stop asking,” she hums, softer now, a hand reaching toward her that Lena no longer possesses the strength or coordination to bat away.

Long fingers make contact with her cheek, with the mussed curls tangling in her eyelashes, and Kara sighs. “You are not your brother,” she murmurs, fingertips grazing Lena's cheekbone, sliding back to thread into the fine hair at her temple. “And you never will be. There's too much light in you to allow for that kind of darkness, so put that fear down, Lena. Let it go. Be free of it.”

Tears spring unbidden to her eyes. “I poisoned children.”

Kara tilts forward and Lena wonders if it's just that her vision has upped its spinning, but then warm lips are pressing against her forehead, soft and delicate as gossamer wings. Kara's mouth moves against her skin, breath damp and sweet and unmistakeably her. “You saved the world.”

Neither one of them moves. When Lena speaks again, the words hit the elegant hollow of Kara's throat. “I don't deserve your kindness. I don't deserve you.”

Kara's lips are still on her forehead. “I don't care.”

Lena feels as if her throat is splitting open, every last fear and hatred and worry and insecurity gushing out of her in an unstoppable stream. “I'm scared.”

“I know.” Kara's lips press once more, and then withdraw. They watch each other in the dim light from the kitchen. Lena's vision is beginning to blur at the edges. Kara's hand is still in her hair.

“You will get through this,” the blonde whispers, so earnest Lena almost manages to believe her. “We'll figure it out. Together.”

Heart in her mouth, tongue sticking behind her teeth, Lena's eyes slide closed.

The sweetness of Kara's words, her gentle touches, seep inside her like honey. She doesn't deserve it but God, she wants it. She wants to be worthy of Kara's faith in her more than she's ever wanted anything in her life. She wants Kara more than she's ever wanted anything in her life.

And it's telling, she knows, that she's just lost the trust of all of National City, that she has no way of easing those children's suffering and no way to prove that she isn't the cause of it, that she's finally living up to the Luthor name she's been running from ever since she'd learned what it truly meant and yet in this moment, with Kara's hand in her hair and the ghostly imprint of her lips on Lena's skin, none of it seems to matter.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

Three years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, three years from now, Lena will also think back to this moment.

This moment, which stands alone as an oasis of calm in the turbulent tumult of the past days, weeks, months of chaos. Lex's escape from custody, Eve Teschmacher's betrayal, James’ shooting, the Harun-El serum, the whole shitty totality of it all has been weighing Lena down like an nth metal chain around her neck.

And Kara, Kara hasn't been around. The one person who has always managed to ease Lena's suffering has deserted her when she needs her the most and it feels like she's been sliced open, cracked in two.

She tells her as much, when Kara at last comes to see her. Tells her she's missed her, tells her she needs her, all but begs her to stay. And what does Kara do? She leaves.

And when she leaves, Lena is gripped by a panic so intense she fears she may never breathe freely again. So terrified is she that Kara is gone for good, that she's forced away the best thing that's ever happened to her, that almost before she knows what's happening she finds herself at Catco with apologies dripping from her own tongue.

Anything to get Kara back. Anything to keep her.

Lena apologises. Kara apologises. Lena cries, and Kara holds her, and tells her that the decision to help her brother when he was dying of cancer doesn't make her the monster she now believes herself to be. And standing on her office balcony with Kara's fingers wrapped around her biceps, with her own tears spotting dark on Kara's blazer, Lena manages to believe her.

When she's collected herself, smoothed away the wetness coursing down her cheeks, she speaks. “I really want to help you with your investigation on Lex.”

Kara's face lights up; Lena's whole world along with it.

“I'd love that,” Kara says, voice quiet and still a little tentative in the wake of their new truce. “But first— would you, um. Would you like to have lunch with me?”

Lena blinks. “Don't you want to get started on the exposé?”

“I do. But—” Kara's face is still painted that earnest shade from earlier, when she'd smoothed her hands over Lena's shoulders and whispered you are a brilliant, kind-hearted, beautiful soul against the sensitive skin of her neck. Lena feels her cheeks heat up at the memory, at the intensity in the blue eyes still roving her face.

Kara shuffles her feet but her gaze is clear, unwavering. “But you were right. I've spent too much time recently prioritising the wrong things. So, I want to work on this exposé with you, and I want to bring your brother down. But first, I'd really just like to have lunch with my best friend.”

Lena's heart trips in her chest. “I'd like that too.”

So, that's what they do. Kara asks her to wait, which she does, idly tapping out a few emails on her phone. And then the blonde is back, far quicker than should have been possible, with her arms full of takeout bags from the café on the third floor and she's taking Lena by the hand and leading her to Cat Grant's private elevator. She presses the button for the roof and Lena's gaze jumps to her face but Kara only smiles, and squeezes her fingers. “Trust me, it'll be worth it,” she hums, her excitement infectious. “You'll be safe with me.”

And Lena believes her.

That's how she ends up sitting at the edge of Catco's roof on a clean sheet Kara had borrowed from the builders on the second floor, heels kicked off, Kara's red blazer draped around her shoulders. It is worth it, she'll admit; the view from this high is phenomenal. The sun burns bright in a cloudless sky, glinting off the glass-sided skyscrapers of the business district, the glittering waters of the bay beyond.

Kara had picked up Lena's favourite salad, some flatbreads and dips, and they drink kombucha and eat strawberries in the sunshine. They talk and they laugh and they catch up and there's no more fighting, no animosity, no megalomaniac brothers or backstabbing secretaries or worlds needing to be saved. There's only them, she and Kara, and it feels like all she will ever need.

The blonde's hands are braced behind her on the rooftop and she looks happy and carefree as she regales Lena with stories of her upstairs neighbour's antics, and Lena feels the tight knot of tension that had taken up residence in her chest begin to unfurl.

"Hey,” Kara hums, pushing up straighter as Lena licks strawberry juice from her fingertips. The motion brings them closer, their shoulders brushing. “Look up.”

Lena does. High above them, a huge murmuration of starlings whirls and swoops through the air. Thousands of birds move together as one, a vast wave cresting but never breaking against the blue canvass of sky.

“Wow,” Lena gasps, awed.

Against her side, Kara hums. “Yeah.”

They watch the birds for a long moment, captivated by the ceaseless swirling and diving. When Lena at last tears her gaze away from the sky, Kara's eyes rest intently on her face. "Here,” the blonde murmurs, reaching out. The pad of one finger makes feather-light contact with her cheek. Lena's breath catches in her chest.

Kara holds out her finger, proffering the stray eyelash she'd captured with a smile. "Make a wish,” she whispers, her fingertip an inch from Lena's mouth. Her eyes never leave Lena’s.

Lena looks from Kara's face to the eyelash, and back again. From somewhere deep inside her heart, the truth bubbles its way to the surface. “I don't need to.”

Kara smiles, a brilliant, beautiful smile, and Lena knows. The stresses and anxieties of their current crisis feel far away here, harmless as birdsong. She's meted out forgiveness, received it in return. For the first time in her adult life Lena has communicated an issue with a loved one and been heard, understood. She has admitted her own mistake without having it spell out the end of her relationship.

Lena smiles back. The weight of the world sublimates into nothing beneath the bliss of a simple picnic in the sun.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

Two years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, two years from now, Lena will think back to this moment.

This moment, which has sapped the both of them to the bone. Another fight, another screaming match, another quick-fire back and forth of accusations and recriminations. Another night of cursing and crying and choking on all the things they never said before this, on all the things they can't now that Kara's secret has detonated in the shrinking space between them like a nuclear bomb.

Another round of bloodshed, and for what?

Lena sags against the arm of the couch, exhausted. Her face is hot, scratchy with salt from the tears still drying on her skin. She's dehydrated, probably, and half hoarse from shouting, tongue blistered with the bitter sting of betrayal.

Across the no man's land of her living room, Kara slumps against the floor-length windows, drops her temple to the cool glass. She's breathing heavily, cheeks wet, posture battered and eyes dark-bruised beneath the force of Lena's wrath. As Lena watches, her eyes slide closed.

It's been three months since Lena found out. Three weeks since Kara found out that Lena had found out.

Every night since, they've done this. Every night, Kara has shown up on her balcony and begged, pleaded, apologised, cajoled, defended, rebuffed, and sobbed. Every night, Lena has unleashed the hollow agony of Kara's deception masquerading as anger in her chest, incinerating the both of them in the fires of her desolation.

She would have expected the wounds to have cauterised by now. To feel some kind of release, the relief of catharsis. Or at least, to have expended some of her fury after all this time.

She hasn't.

They've been at this for three hours already this evening, and gotten nowhere. Kara's skin is pale above that fucking supersuit, face drawn and complexion sallow.

Lena knows how she feels. The singular exhaustion that is her rift with Kara has sapped her in every way imaginable. She can't sleep. She barely eats. She's no longer interested in work, research, friends. There's nothing in her life that isn't tainted by the shadow of the lies her best friend told and kept telling, every day for four years. Lena doesn't know how any amount of screaming and crying is ever going to get them past that.

Across the room, Kara sighs. It might be the saddest sound Lena has ever heard.

“Should we keep doing this?” she asks after an interminable silence, voice rough with tears still building. Her eyes are still closed.

Lena manages, with exorbitant effort, to raise her drooping head. “What?”

“Is there a point to all this?” Kara asks quietly, hunched body sliding a little further down the glass. "The explanations, the fighting?”

Blue eyes blink open. The weight of the sadness in them is unbearable. Lena struggles to find it within herself to care.

“Lying to you about who I am is the single biggest mistake I have ever made, and if it will make even one single shred of difference I will apologise to you every day for as long as I live,” Kara says into the aching chasm between them. “But I can't keep doing this. Not if it won't change anything. I can't— I don't want to keep hurting you.”

An hour ago, Lena would have scoffed at a sentiment like that. Would have parried back with some piercingly dry comment about how the blonde should have thought about that before she decided to betray Lena's trust as soundly as she possibly could.

Now, though— now, she's just too tired.

“So, should we keep doing this?” Kara whispers, throat working. “Or— God, Lena. Should we just— should we give up?”

Green eyes meet blue, two shattered hearts haemorrhaging between them. “Is that what you want?”

“No.” Kara's voice is loud, fiercely determined in the face of Lena's hesitant whisper. “God, no. Never. I don't ever want to give up on you, Lena. I don't ever want to give you up.”

Kara straightens then, with a strength Lena cannot imagine mustering herself. Perks of being a superhero, she supposes. Perks of being Kryptonian. The thought stakes another shard of ice through her bleeding heart.

“But I know that I've spent four years calling the shots for both of us by keeping you in the dark,” Kara continues. “I've taken away your agency. I've taken away your choice. I won't do that again.”

She sucks in a deep breath, a little of Supergirl's regality seeping back into the defeated slump of her shoulders. “So, I'm doing what I should have done from the start. I'm being honest with you, and hoping that you'll be honest back. I'm asking what you want.”

Kara's fingers twist anxiously before her, bottom lip bleaching white beneath the nervous pressure of her teeth. “Do you think we should keep doing this? Or do you— fuck.” Her voice cracks, the tears brimming in her eyes once again breaking free. “Do you want to give up?”

Jesus Christ. Lena never knew that the prospect of doing the right thing could hurt so much.

“Fuck,” she mutters as she kneads her knuckles over her closed eyelids, digging in until white lights starburst across her vision. “Fuck, Kara.”

“I know,” the blonde whispers from across the room, brittle and broken. “I know. I'm sorry.”

Lena slows her assault on her own eyelids, pinching thumb and forefinger hard at the bridge of her nose instead. “I want to give up,” she mutters, and in the taut silence between them she hears the blonde gasp, watery and thick.

Lena blinks open her eyes to find Kara's face crumpling, every facet of her seeming to fold in on itself even as she visibly fights to keep herself upright.

Lena sighs, and hates Kara, and hates herself even more. “I want to, but— I can't.” She sucks in a ragged breath, hating the truth that's just fallen from her lips, hating the lies that had necessitated it. Hating everything and everyone and most of all, hating just how much she's hurting. “I can't give this up.”

The tiniest spark of hope flares to life in Kara's eyes. Lena hates that she notices, hates that she cares, hates that the sight eases the tight knot of devastation clawing at her ribcage just the tiniest bit.

She also knows that this was inevitable. She knows that, though she hates Kara, though she's nowhere close to forgiving her, though she has no idea how they can rebuild from here or even if she truly wants to try, a question like Kara's could only ever have one answer.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

One year from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, one year from now, Lena will also think back to this moment.

This moment, which is barely even a moment at all. It's more like a dream, warm and faded and fogged in darkness, seconds stolen when sleep should have long since claimed them.

Kara's nightmare had woken them both. In the month since they'd pulled her out of the Phantom Zone, she hadn't slept alone once. Often, she stays with Alex, curling into her sister's side the way she would when they were just kids after one too many late-night horror movies. Once, she stays with Nia, tucked up snug in a borrowed pair of puppy print pyjamas.

Mostly, she stays with Lena. It's natural and unspoken and easy as breathing, the way Kara will show up at her place after a Supergirl save or Lena will let herself into the blonde's apartment after a late night in the lab. They cook dinner and watch Celebrity Masterchef and brush their teeth elbow to elbow at the bathroom sink and when Kara is inevitably tugged screaming and sobbing from her night terrors, the way she presses her face to Lena's neck and her hand over Lena's heart is natural and unspoken and easy as breathing, too.

Kara's racing pulse has calmed a little, her grip on Lena's body beneath her losing some of its urgent desperation. After a long moment of Lena's hand stroking her hair, of gentle reassurances and lips pressed to her temple the blonde pulls back, just enough to rest her head on the pillow facing her.

In the dim light filtering in through the bedroom window Kara's pupils are blown, her face solemn. There's something in her heavy gaze that Lena can't identify; something weighted and potent that prickles goosebumps up the length of her spine.

"Feeling better?” she whispers into the inch of warm air between them, reaching out to tuck a sweat-matted curl reverently behind the blonde's ear.

Kara catches her retreating hand and holds tight, twining their fingers together on the narrow swathe of pillow between them. If either of them were to move so much as a millimetre, their clasped hands would press against their lips.

The blonde nods and sure enough, the soft heat of her mouth brushes the back of Lena's knuckles. She shivers.

Kara is still watching her, the intensity of her gaze causing Lena's heart to thud hard in her throat. She squeezes lightly at the fingers threaded through her own. “What?”

A pause, heavy and sweet as overripe fruit. Kara blinks once, slow. “You're my best friend.”

Lena swallows down a sudden swell of emotion. The blonde nudges closer and when she speaks, the wet seam of her lips catches on the angle of Lena's bent knuckles, painting her skin with the words.

“You're the most important person in the world to me,” Kara whispers, breaths skating fire-flashes across Lena's fingers, voice muffling out past the mouth pressed to her skin. “You know that, right?”

Lena's voice deserts her in the wake of the quiet words. She leans forward instead, presses her lips to Kara's fingertips where they rest against the back of her own hand. It's answer enough.

She hears Kara's breath catch, feels the disruption mirrored in her own chest. Both their mouths are pressed to the joined hands clasped between them. If they were to move their fingers down even just a fraction, there would be nothing separating their lips but a promise, a prayer.

Kara's eyelashes flutter in the semi-darkness. The tip of her nose brushes Lena's own. Neither one of them moves their hands.

They only gaze at one another a long moment, and Lena wonders if the blonde is memorising the planes of her face the way she's memorising Kara's. She could look at her forever, be happy here with her forever, and in this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

For the first time, she wonders if she might not be the only one.

Right now, Kara is reaching across the table at Noonan's and taking Lena's hand.

It's been three weeks since they'd taken down Lex for the last time. Three weeks since Kara had stormed into the Tower's med bay to cup Lena's bloody, bruised face in her hands; since she'd brushed her thumbs feather-light over Lena's split eyebrow and purpling jaw and growled don't you ever scare me like that again. Three weeks since she'd leaned in and pressed her lips to Lena's.

It's been two weeks and six days since Lena, confined to a gurney but utterly uncaring thanks to the warm Kryptonian curled against her side, had pressed her aching face to Kara's shoulder and first whispered that she loved her. Two weeks and six days since Kara had first said it back.

It's been two weeks and five and a half days since Nia had walked in on Lena in Kara's arms, lips pressed to her neck and hands wandering beneath her sweatshirt, and promptly shrieked the place down. Since their friends had exchanged pointed glances and relieved sighs and congratulated them on finally making it official, their expressions ranging from overjoyed to exasperated to plain exhausted.

It's been two weeks and four days of she and Kara dating; of morning kisses and shared showers and the perfect partner at game night and all of Lena's wildest dreams coming true.

It's been less than a minute since Kara had admitted, hushed and wondering, that she'd known she was in love with Lena ever since she'd found herself suddenly prepared to poison National City's entire water supply rather than let Lena fall. That she hadn't been able to fully it admit it to herself until she'd found herself suddenly prepared to alter the course of all of history in order to get Lena back.

And right now, Kara is reaching across the table at Noonan's and taking her hand. She's looking deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice barely rises above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And now that she has, Lena is sure of her answer.

The highlight reel of her relationship with Kara lays itself at Lena's feet, each precious memory between them stretching out like a roadmap of her growing affection, with every hard-won step leading her right to this moment.

And in this moment, Lena knows. She's in love with Kara. Really, she always has been.

#sorry this took approximately 8932018207402 thousand years to materialise #if you've ever sent me a prompt and thought well fuck she's taking so long with this she's clearly forgotten about it i'm just here to say:#nope!#still here #unsure how inspired by the song this actually was in the end #it's either way too close to the lyrics or not close enough #who can say #but anyway yeah. supercorp song #thank your for the prompt and the lovely message! hope you like it #asks #anonymous #ridings writes #supercorp #supercorp fanfic #supergirl #lena luthor #kara danvers

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cloveroctobers · 3 years

Text

September prompts — 6. Bonfire ; Matt Press

September song choice: Kiana Ledé, “Cancelled.”

*Gif belongs to its rightful owner since I went to google in search of more gifs of this guy!

•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•^•^•^•*•*•*•*•*•*•^•^•*•*•*•*

Wellsbury was having the first official bonfire tonight in the largest park the town had. It was the first day of fall and you were just getting over a cold which made your hypochondriac mother worry as you decided you would be going. Plus the temperatures were supposed to drop pretty low tonight so that made your mother worry even more. You were going with your two best friends: Meera and Joey with Meera picking you up and Joey said she would meet you two there.

“Do you have your inhaler on you just in case?” Your mother followed you to the door as you finished shoving your arms through your corduroy jacket.

Spinning around you smiled at your worry wart of a mother, “yes mom, I didn’t need it the last time I got sick.”

“That was early summer and you know colder months are harsher on your lungs.” Your mother explained what you been knew about your body but you always listened nonetheless.

A horn sounded making you step forward to place a kiss on her cheek, “I have the inhaler, keys, phone, backup charger, and my dagger daddy brought for me.”

“What about the mace?”

“I like the dagger much better mama,” you explained, “but the mace is always on my key ring. I’ll be home by curfew.”

“Which is?”

“10:30, 11 tops depending on how much fun I get into.” You grinned at the woman who raised her brows and pressed her knuckles into her wide hips.

You smiled, “kidding. 10:30, I know. Gotta go, love you!”

The last image you saw of your mother was her shaking her head slightly at you and throwing a kiss at you with her fingertips as you shut the door behind you. You raced down the steps of your Victorian home to Meera’s black Volkswagen Jetta.

“Hey bitch.” You greeted your wavy haired brown friend.

Meera waved her ring covered fingers at you with her free hand, “sup, we’re gonna be the baddest at the park with the way the both of us look. I just hope Joey puts in the effort.”

“Oh leave Joey alone, you know she dresses for comfort. And it’s about us having a good time anyway.” You defended your friend who always chose comfort over? Dressy?

Meera folded her four fingers over her thumb mocking you, “right and it’s also you making Matt regret that he ever did you dirty.”

“That too.” You laughed just as Meera turned the radio back up, her car vibrating with a Flo Milli track.

She gave you a knowing look as you buckled yourself in, knowing that a twenty-five minute drive would take Meera ten-fifteen minutes tops. Just as Meera was pulling up to the line that led to the entrance of the park you pulled out your phone to call Joey. It took the girl seven rings to answer the phone with music blasting in the background.

“Where are you guys?” Her usual croaky voice asked as you had her on speaker.

Meera answered, “we’re at the entrance waiting to get in. You?”

“I’m by the stage sipping on some cider. But I’ll come by the second entrance by the park to meet you guys.”

“Cool.” You nodded, knowing what she meant and also excited to get some cider. You were a huge cider person.

Another three minutes and you were let in to the park with Meera deciding to take a shorter route like a few others and turned off to loop around the park. There were so many people around in their own groups standing around or walking to head to the main entertainment. It took another five minutes for Meera to find parking with her sending a few middle fingers on her way before finding a park on the end.

“People are so, ah!” Meera held her fingers upwards as you laughed patting her shoulder before climbing out the car.

Meera pulled her vape out taking a few inhales and letting the smoke swirl upwards into the night sky. You leaned against the hood of the car watching your friend asking, “feel better now, buddy?”

“Much, let’s go. I need some donuts in my belly and you need to put Matt in his place.” Meera waited for you to come to her side as she looped her arm with yours.

The both of your feet crunched in unison as you stomped through the grass to get to the main entrance of the park. This park was huge and went on for miles with a lake near the parking lot you two parked in and a river along the other side where the main entrance of the park sat. Eventually you two crossed the gravel to the sidewalk following the multiple groups of teens and families towards the music.

“Hey bitches.” Joey greeted you two throwing both arms around you two, careful not to spill her drink.

“What’d you get?” You quizzed.

“Pumpkin spiced cider.” Joey chewed on her bottom lip ready for you to drill into her.

You gasped dramatically acting wounded while Meera shook her head at you two. “You’re gonna be shitting bricks in a few.”

“Yeah, well at least I’ll have a good reason to.” Joey called after Meera who already took off to enter the park.

Joey turned back to you with a pout as you shook your head in pure disgust, “first Meera with the cinnamon and now you with the pumpkin. I gotta find new friends.”

“Ah, whatever!” Joey turned to walk in step with you, “we all like what we like…even if they’re questionable.”

You gave your freckled faced friend the side eye while she sheepishly took a sip. The two of you walked through the park following Meera up ahead who made a beeline for the donut stand. She seemed to greet Sophie Sanchez with a tap on her shoulder who gave her a bright grin as they embraced.

“Just a fair warning I saw Matt earlier with Samantha. And not too long before that? Abby was rushing off to the bathroom after interacting with them.” Joey informed you while you nodded at the information.

“I’m here to have a good time and not worry about that drama.” You stated which Joey snapped her fingers at.

“That’s what we always say but somehow always end up in some shit, you know?”

“Don’t manifest that!”

“My bad.”

Joey suddenly pulled her phone out from her back pocket to see her phone buzzing. You saw a brief face on the screen before she answered it, plugging her ears to get better sound as the ground vibrated beneath your feet. “Yeah, I’ll be right there! Give me like two minutes.”

Hanging up the phone she turned to you, “Olive is here.”

“Olive. Olive?”

“Yes, Olive Olive. She’s having a outfit malfunction and she needs my help so ill try my best to meet up with you guys later?” Joey rocked on her toes while you tilted your head to the side.

“I thought we said no drama.”

“This isn’t!”

“To me it sounds like a secret code to hooking up in the bathroom?” You suggested while Joey frowned scratching at the beanie on her head.

“Um no? At least I don’t think that’s what that means…she could have a serious problem.”

Typical Joey always getting herself involved in things that don’t really require her to. It was no different with her newfound interest in Olive Stone. So you said nothing whistling as you waved her away in the direction she needed to go with her smiling at you for not giving her more shit. She jogged back to you, “do you think you can hold my cider?”

“Do you want me to shrivel up and die?”

Joey sighed before leaving you to stand in the park. You turned and before you could even take a step forward Jordan and Norah were smiling and making their way up to you.

“Hey y/n!” They both greeted which you replied with a wave as you met them in the middle.

Jordan was always smiley, sweet, and sometimes had his head in the clouds. You sat next to each other in history and actually became friends first before you became involved with Matt. He was also the only one to listen to your side of the story besides your girlfriends.

As for Norah: your interactions only felt convenient since Jordan considered you a friend and at first she felt that you were getting in the way of their relationship but you didn’t like Jordan in that way. In your mind Norah was a bit of a follower and didn’t have a backbone but the both of you kept fake smiles and small conversations whenever you were around each other.

Jordan immediately pulled you into a brief hug which you returned before he stepped back to toss a arm over Norah. She moved her purse from her wrist to clasp the straps in her hands.

“So who did you come with?” Norah pried.

You held your arms out, “as you can see, my imaginary friends,” you joked which Jordan genuinely laughed at while Norah gave you one of those usual fake smiles, “no, I came with Meera and Joey.”

“And where are they?” Norah frowned looking around.

How nosey.

“Meera is over there at the donut stand talking to Sophie and Joey went off to the restroom to help out her friend? Olive.” Norah glanced to her right over her shoulder and analyzed Meera and Sophie, probably to report back to Maxine but there was nothing to tell.

“Oh man we can’t have you hanging out by yourself!” Jordan yelled reaching out to grab your wrist, “we were just going to meet up with everyone else by the maze, you should come with us.”

You popped your lips, knowing where this was going, “jordan, that’s really nice…but I can’t just leave Meera and Joey.”

“Why? They left you.” Norah bluntly said and widened her eyes as she realized she said that out loud.

Jordan quickly added, “plus! they’re busy and you can meet up with them later. Watch! Hey, Meera!” He called out to your best friend who whipped her head in your direction.

“We’re gonna steal y/n and head off to the maze, you’ll get her back later. Is that cool?” He called out to Meera who just waved you two off, completely ignoring you shaking your head rapidly.

She sent you a wink before turning back to Sophie who covered her mouth continuing to laugh at something they were talking about.

You really hated your friends sometimes.

“See! Let’s go!” He pulled you forward to toss a arm over your shoulder too and began leading both you and Norah to this magic maze.

Norah glanced over at you actually mouthing, ‘sorry.’ To you as your history classmate was completely oblivious to wanting to not be around his other friends. Jordan was blabbing on about something but you were tuning the long haired boy in and out to be honest until you reached the pathway of the corn maze. To the right of the maze stood Hunter, Padma, Brodie, Sam, and Matt.

“I thought you two went off to get freaky but you brought back a third party? I knew you had it in you, Jordan man.” Brodie whistled at Jordan who actually blushed and shook his head lowering his arms to send a playful punch to the muscular boy’s gut.

“Shut up, Brodie! It’s not like that. I found Y/N alone on the field and offered that they come with us, is that cool?” Jordan turned to the others who were having conversations with each other.

You felt eyes on you now.

“I wasn’t alone, I came with Meera and Joey.” You corrected.

“Who?” Sam spoke up in her mousy tone.

Hunter told the group but it’s not like it’s their business, “Meera Pakam, she’s one of the theater kids and Joey Del Marco, she transferred here last year before Ginny.”

Brodie shrugged his shoulders still clueless.

“Let’s go!” Padma grabbed Hunter’s hand and led the group forward.

Brodie let out a cheer as he raced up to you, quickly picking you up bridal style while you struggled to find anything to hold onto you as this guy began carrying you towards the maze.

“Dude, do you really have to do that?” Matt asked, your eyes finally settling on him for the first time tonight.

Damn he looked good too.

Brodie stared at the dark haired boy as if he was crazy, “hey, everyone here is coupled up and Jordan gave me this gift to cherish so let me do me.”

You snorted, “Brodie you’re slowly winning me over tonight.”

“Knew I could.” Brodie smiled at you before settling you down on your feet. He crouched down for you to hop on his back and he lifted you with ease despite the fact that you might be the heaviest out of the other’s.

Matt chewed on his bottom lip mumbling, “sam and I aren’t a couple. Never will be.”

Sam was glaring at you taking over the show as you held on tightly to Brodie who disappeared into the maze. Matt also glared after you two—for different reasons…before shortly stalking forward; sam held out her hand for Matt to take but he ignored her on his way.

Eventually you got tired of hanging onto Brodie and he let you down to race off up ahead to bug Jordan and Norah some more. You shook your head at the boy and missed a root sticking upright, catching you by the ankle as you went crashing to the ground. You let out a yelp as you attempted to brace yourself but that did not work out in your favor.

You heard the crunching and some giggles before you opened your eyes to see Matt standing over you. “I think you missed the rabbit hole, Alice.”

Your ankle throbbed while your hand stung and now you had Matt running his mouth. He wasted no time reaching forward to grab you at the waist and get you on your feet. You wobbled being upright again as Matt snapped his fingers in front of your face, “how many fingers, Alice?”

“I don’t have a concussion. My ankle hurts and my hand is scraped. I’m fine.” You mumbled as you pulled a small stick from your hair, tossing it in a giggling Samantha’s direction.

Matt sent her a look which made her mold her bottom lip into her mouth and look elsewhere for her laughs to subside. He turned back to you and folded his arms as you winced putting some weight on your left ankle and began walking off but you stopped realizing you didn’t know which way was the correct one.

“I’m going right. I remember to get out of here from last year was to go that way so let’s go Matt.” Sam stepped around the two of you and halted when she realized Matt wasn’t following her, “Matt?”

“You go ahead.”

“Um, but we’re a couple? We entered together so we should leave together.” Sam stated while Matt rolled his eyes.

“I never said that, you did. And since you know the way out you go and we’ll catch up.” Matt was annoyed by her already, you could tell.

Sam scoffed, “whatever. See you losers on the other side then.”

She strutted off to the right leaving you with Matt. Which isn’t exactly what you wanted out of this night. After some moments Matt walked by you to make sure sam was out of sight before making his way back over to you. You studied him as he stood beside you, “come on, I thought she’d never leave.”

“I’m going left and you should follow her, isn’t she your girlfriend or play thing as of lately?” You asked as he gripped your arm to place around the back of his waist.

Matt scoffed, “I don’t know why everyone keeps thinking that.”

“She’s practically all over you at school, which you allow and she talks about you like you’re her boyfriend and she treats Abby like shit knowing she had or still has a crush on you.” You stated the obvious.

Matt frowned, “…you don’t even like Abby?”

“You’ve missed my point, Matt.” Leaning into him a bit as the both of you started to walk.

It was silent as he led the both of you to the left. He took his time with you as you limped walking through the frigid night.

“Sam doesn’t matter and neither does Abby.” Matt told you but that didn’t make you feel better like it possibly would have made anyone else.

You sighed.

“What?” Matt forced out, hating whenever you did that instead of just spitting it out.

“You lie too much you know that?” You hissed as you tightened your grip in anger against his waist.

Matt held his free hand out confused, “please tell me what I’m lying about.”

“Everything!” You yelled, “I know what you did with Abby and you pushed her to the side once you got bored with her or once you didn’t sleep with her. Then you pretended with me like you were different. I heard all the stories before and still allowed myself to deal with your bullshit—

“Why do you keep bringing up everyone else!? Worry about yourself for once! And don’t tell me how I felt when we were together. I didn’t pretend not even once, I might have been a asshole with a few…including you but nothing about what we were was ever fake, so just shut up, okay? You don’t know what you’re talking about, as usual.” Matt dismissed you and you ripped yourself away from him, letting out a cry of pain as you applied full weight on your possible sprained ankle.

It was always toxic. Your little situationship and Matt couldn’t see it because he was used to dysfunction in his life. Sorry but you were different, you saw it all and you didn’t want to compare yourself to the others but it was just common knowledge that Matt needed to get his shit together first so he could learn how to love.

“Hey,” Matt reached out for you but you smacked his hand away, “okay!” He muttered as he stepped back giving you your space.

You plopped down knowing you couldn’t stand on your own for much longer. You searched your bag pulling out your inhaler while Matt eyed your actions carefully. After two pumps you began to breathe normally as you rested your forehead against your non-injured hand.

“Are you okay?”

“No!” You screamed, your eyes burning into Matt who chewed on his bottom lip, “you know I cancelled you when you let Sam and Abby both give you a lap dance and you lied about it when I saw it on video but I should have done that long ago.”

Matt inhaled before saying, “cancelled, really?”

“Yes really! I’m supposed to be enjoying my junior year yet I’m caught up on your stupid ass!” You kicked out your good leg at Matt who humorlessly laughed.

He crouched down in front of you, “you could never cancel me babe because you care too much.” He was so smug but not for long.

Shaking your head you met his eyes, “I’m not doing this anymore. Not with you or anybody else. It’s exhausting and it shouldn’t be, this show you’re putting on for everyone else is squashed. You can keep at it with Sam if you want—

“I don’t want Sam!” Matt gritted but you placed a finger on his lips.

“I’m not done,” you warned him, “you keep lying and your mind is mixed up but you won’t change.”

Matt glared at you, “what is there to change? We both like each other so we hang out—

“And it’s not anything else but sex Matt. we don’t talk about the relationship, we don’t go on dates, you don’t treat me respectfully in front of your friends or just in general, and things aren’t progressing.” You explained to Matt who sniffed and thought about this.

It was silent before his eyes flicked up to meet yours, “are you done? What do you want me to say? Do you want me to get down on my knees and profess my love to you like this is some crap rom-com? It’s not happening because that’s not me and I thought you knew that.”

“I know now.” You felt your eyes burn.

Matt scoffed, “if you’re gonna cancel me over something stupid then I’m gonna cancel you right back.”

“Yes, Matt press, continue being a idiot for me! I love it! This is what I want, for you to not give a shit about my feelings! I don’t think you care about anyone’s.” You shrugged coming to a realization.

Matt swallowed, “why does it seem like your feelings only matter in this? Not once did you ask me about mine, you just assume. And you don’t think that’s a issue here, y/n?”

He had you there.

“Looks like Alice doesn’t have a damn thing to say this time! Bravo! I did it.” Matt sarcastically clapped, “give me a break! Talking to me about some cancel shit, can’t believe you right now.”

“Believe it! It doesn’t excuse the fact—

Matt held his hand out, “you said we’re done so there’s nothing else to talk about right? Let’s just leave it at that, get up so we can get out of this maze and head to the bonfire away from each other so we can enjoy the rest of our night before you ruined it.”

“I ruined it? Screw you, Matt.” You struggled to get to your feet and ignored his help.

If he wanted to be petty so would you. You and Meera had a chant before you got here that y’all would be the baddest at the park and you didn’t need anybody’s shit. Especially Matt Press’ and that was coming into full mode now.

No matter how much your leg was screaming for you to sit down you wanted out of this maze and away from Matt. He followed you out of the maze silently fuming to where everyone else was waiting around.

“Hey you guys! We thought we lost you for good.” Jordan greeted you two.

Norah asked, “what happened to you two? You’re limping, y/n! Matt, what did you do? Did you pull one of your stupid pranks?”

“Mind your business, Norah.” Matt hissed while Jordan frowned at his friend who stalked over to Samantha who was talking to Brodie.

You watched as he yanked her by the waist and smashed his lips against her’s. Sam grinned into the kiss matching Matt’s speed while Padma looked away in disgust.

“I cancelled Matt so do me a favor, if you want to hang out, don’t ever bring him around me.” You told Jordan who seemed to understand that things did not go well, while Norah wanted to get the full tea but she wouldn’t be getting it from you.

You limped off.

“Wait, are you going to be okay?” Jordan jogged up beside you as you held your head down before lifting it up.

“Always will, you know me, Jordan. Catch you at the bonfire?” You nudged his shoulder lightly while he gave you a side squeeze.

He carefully let go of you watching as you limped off to find your friends. You told Meera, Sophie, Joey, and even Olive what happened and somehow it got back to Maxine, Abby, and Ginny but whatever. You stood by the flames gaining some heat and sipped on the much needed cider Joey brought you. Across the flames stood Matt with his arm thrown around Sam who was full of smirks.

His eyes met yours through the fire and with the hand that you held out to the flame for some warmth, you switched to a smooth middle finger, in which he sent a peck your way.

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A/n: Matt reminds me of a teen Alex Karev lol? Personality wise and who inspired me to get through the argument session tbh… anyways!!! would love to see where his character goes…if anywhere next season. Don’t we love a enemies to lovers trope? Or in their case lovers to enemies? Kinda disappointed there’s not much reading material up here on the show but I do understand since it’s a mess and I’m only rooting for Georgia + Joe atp

Continue along with my September series here.

#Ginny and Georgia #Matt press #Matt press x reader #Damian Romeo #grand army #grand army netflix #joey del marco #and that’s all I’m writing but I hope to be back at it mon-wed somewhere around there!#Spotify #crossover fic #september prompts

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shemarmooresfedora · 3 years

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Home

Series Summary: After being arrested, Spencer Reid desperately tries to get back home to his daughter, Camellia, who was placed into foster care in your home.

Pairing: Single!Dad!Spencer x Foster!Mom!Reader

Content/Warnings: swearing, mentions of mother abandonment

Word Count: 1.5k

Masterlist

Chapter 4

“You have a call from an inmate at the Washington D.C. Correctional Facility. To accept these charges, please press 1. To decline-,” you punched in the 1.

“Hey Spencer,” you greeted him.

“How did you know it was me?” he grinned.

“There’s not too many prisoners calling me, believe it or not,” you teased.

“I was calling to see if you could do me a big favor,” he spoke.

“What’s up?”

“My lawyer has told me that JJ told her my mom isn’t doing so well. She’s in a facility for her schizophrenia and Alzheimer’s,” he informed you.

“How can I help?” you asked.

“Could you bring Callie to go see her? I really think a familiar face could do a lot of good for her.”

“Of course, I’m 5 minutes away from her school. We can head right over,” you stated.

“Thank you so so much. Also, she doesn’t know I’m in prison so tell Callie just to tell her I’m away on a case. She’s in a fragile condition so it’s best to just say yes to everything she asks,” Spencer explained.

“Will do. If you are able to stay on the line for a few more minutes, you can say hi to Callie,” you told him.

“I was the last in line so I should be able to. I’ve got 6 minutes left,” Spencer said.

A bit of an awkward silence filled your car.

“So…are there any more injuries I need to attend to before work tomorrow?” you asked.

“No, I’ve got some help,” Spencer spoke vaguely.

“Okay, that’s good, I guess,” you pulled the car to a stop as Callie hopped in the passenger seat, “Your dad is on the phone, Callie.”

“Hi Dad!” she greeted.

“Hey sweetheart. How’s it going?” he asked.

“Really good. At soccer practice today, Coach told me I’m going to be a starter next game,” she beamed.

“That’s amazing! I wish I could be there to see it,” Spencer frowned slightly.

“Which is why I bought a camcorder so I can record the whole game for you to watch later as well as other things you may be sad to miss,” you said.

“Y/N, as much as I appreciate all you do for us, you need to stop spending so much money. I feel bad, I’ll reimburse you as soon as I’m out.”

“Spencer, I’m a doctor who rarely goes out and my closest friend is a cat. I have some money to spare,” you assured him.

“Why are you going left here?” Callie asked as you made a turn that wasn’t on your usual route home.

“Your dad wants you to visit your Grandma,” you replied.

“Callie, she just needs a familiar face so talk to her about your new school, soccer, anything but me going to jail,” Spencer explained, “Okay, I have 30 seconds left. Bye, love you, sweetheart!”

“Bye, Dad! Love you too!”

“Stay safe!” you added.

You walked up to the receptionist's desk with Callie, “Hi, she’s here to see Diana Reid.”

“Hi Callie, long time no see! No Dr. Reid today?” she asked.

“No, he’s away on a case,” you smiled politely.

“Callie, she’s in her room, dear,” the receptionist directed you down the hall.

Once you were outside the door, you stopped, “I’ll wait out here. Remember, your dad is on a long case. You are staying with the LaMontagne’s. And just agree with the stuff she says to not upset her,” you reminded Callie, “I’ll be right out here when you’re done.”

Before you had a chance to sit down in the waiting room, the door swung open.

“Grandma!” Callie exclaimed.

“My dear Callie,” she hugged her.

She looked up at you, “Is this who I think it is?”

You thought back to Spencer’s words.

She’s in a fragile condition so it’s best to just say yes to everything she asks.

“Um yes?” you answered.

“Callie’s mom! Oh my! I haven’t seen you in ages. I forgot what you even looked like, I remembered you differently. Forgive me, dear, could you remind me of your name?” she asked.

You looked to Callie for help but she looked just as confused as you and shrugged. She must not know either.

“Y/N,” you extended your hand for her to shake.

“What a beautiful name,” she smiled, “Come in! Come in!”

“So Callie, how has my favorite granddaughter been?” she asked.

“I’m your only grandchild, Grandma,” Callie playfully rolled her eyes, “I’ve been really well! Y/N-I mean Mom actually got me into a better school and I’ve been keeping busy with soccer and clubs and hanging out with friends.”

“That’s wonderful to hear! Y/N, how are you doing?” she turned to you.

Shit. What the fuck were you supposed to say?

“I’ve been well,” you simply stated with a nervous smile.

“Are you and Spencer dating again?”

I suppose you had to agree to this too.

“Yes, we are,” you nodded.

“Well, I hope you are back for good this time,” she stated.

That seemed kind of back-handed but maybe deserved, you didn’t know Callie’s mom’s backstory. You just continued to nervously smile through the rest of the visit as Callie caught up with her grandma.

“Well that was awkward,” you sighed as you got back into the car after the visit, “I need a milkshake.”

Callie was silent all the way to the drive-thru and as you ordered two large chocolate milkshakes and fries.

Finally, she spoke as you parked the car in the parking lot to eat, “I mean you’re more of a mom to me than my own mom. Dad never really told me much about her. She must have left when I was a baby because I don’t remember her at all.”

“I’m sure your dad has his reasons for not telling you but you must know that her leaving wasn’t your fault at all,” you told her.

“Who would leave a baby and my dad?” she teared up.

“I don’t know, honey,” you pulled her in for a hug, “It was her loss though whoever she is because she didn’t get to see what an amazing girl you have become.”

“Reid, visitor,” the guard called out.

Please let it be Callie and or Y/N, Spencer prayed.

He needed a ray of sunshine in his otherwise completely dark week. He didn’t want it to be the team or his lawyer asking if he remembered anything else because he didn’t. He couldn’t.

He slumped out of bed and let the guard cuff him on the way to the visitor room. His pace quickened when he saw you waiting there for him, just as beautiful as always.

You smiled at first when you saw him but it morphed into a frown when you saw fresh bruises forming.

“Spencer, I thought you said you had help,” you whispered.

“Apparently not all of the time,” he mumbled.

You bit your bottom lip worriedly, “Well, I brought my med kit.”

You got up and started to inspect his face.

“How did the visit with my mom go?” he asked.

“Good, I guess,” you replied.

“You guess?”

“She saw me before I went to the waiting room. I said yes to everything she said but that included her thinking that I was Callie’s mom and that we were dating,” you grimaced.

Spencer sighed, “Oh god.”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know what to do,” you apologized.

“No, no, it’s not your fault. You were just doing what was told. Did Callie have questions?”

You nodded.

Spencer ran his hands through his hair, “I knew this day would come but I’m still not prepared. I just avoid thinking about it at all costs.”

“Do you want to talk to me about it and maybe I can help you put the right words together,” you offered.

“Um okay, her name was Austin. I met her on a case. She was a bartender. We were long distance for a bit. She got pregnant early on in the relationship. We decided to try to make it work. She moved in with me in D.C. and had Callie. When Callie was about 4 months old, she got overwhelmed and just left…just like that. I went to the park with Callie and came back to find all of her things gone and a note that just said ‘sorry’. I haven’t heard from her since. We were trying to force a happy ending that wasn’t there,” Spencer finished.

“Well lucky for Callie, she has one amazing dad and that is more than enough,” you reassured him.

“And a pretty kick ass foster mom,” Spencer smiled.

“I try my best,” you grinned.

A/N: i have a smut one-shot (not related to this series) coming out tomorrow and i’m very excited about it

main taglist (just ask to be added/removed): @samuel-de-champagne-problems @g0lden-cth @spencerreid9 @averyhotchner @coldlilheart @k-k0129 @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @harrystylesandthegoobs @cmily @jswessie187 @rem-ariiana-deactivated20210709 @hoodpankow @mochionly @spencerreid-187 @babymetaldoll @fics4arainyday @ssavanessa22 @all-tings-diego @idonotexiste @beepbooptoop @tvandfanfic @mggsprettygirl @big-galaxy-chaos @navs-bhat @spencerreidsmommy @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm

series taglist: @ilovespencerreidmarryme @nani-2305 @obsessivelysearching @fantasynerd09 @bvttercupbby @britishspidey @ladyravenclaw @belledawnidk @annesauriol @smokey102 @lady-himbo @kaitieskidmore1 @westanspencerreid @manuosorioh @haylaansmi @unhea1thy0bsessions @meganskane @lovergirl24 @queenariesofnarnia @asexual-booknerd @spideyyypeter @yeehawbitchs @emma-is-a-nerd @lellsinthesky @itsdars @aliahemmings97 @xdsage @cutekashi @theodore-likes-frogs @girlgotattitude448 @royalestrellas @co0chiegrip1

#spencer reid angst #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fic #dr spencer reid #cm fic #cm fanfic

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noctumbra · 3 years

Text

𝒆𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆

summary ─ walking away from you had never felt this painful before, bucky realized.

pairing ─ fuckboy!bucky barnes x reader

warnings ─ angst, angst, more angst, crying, conversations, confessions, goodbye scene without the sex in it, happens a couple months after the graduation

a/n ─ so. technically this is the last part, but there will be an epilogue (i’m not sure about this. i might write and post one). until i post an epilogue, accept this as the final part. i'm hoping to write that very soon. after that, we will be done with this series. i hope you like it! @babyboibucky you asked for "more angst" and you're receiving with this part. blame her :d please leave a comment if you like it! thank youuu <333

series masterlist

Ever since the graduation, life was being really hard on Bucky.

He had been looking for a job and a place for himself for the last five months because he needed money and just couldn’t live with his parents: The house was too crowded, and they were too curious. It hadn’t been easy so far; Bucky had to dodge his mother’s ‘why are you still single’ questions all the while running from one job interview to another as well as meeting with a real estate agent for affordable apartments. He knew he couldn’t rent one until he got a job, but he wanted to cross it off his list.

Sighing, Bucky plopped on one of the first empty benches he saw.

The weather was hot as hell, and he was sweating like a pig in his suit. He could feel the shirt sticking to his back slowly. He was thirsty and hungry and tired; all he wanted to do was to go home, take a cold shower, eat something and sleep, but he couldn’t. He still had two interviews to get over.

“Fuck my life,” he whispered under his breath. Digging through the small bag he carried with him everywhere, he pulled out a bottle of water. It was half-empty, but it was better than nothing. He quickly drained it, wiped the slight sweat beading on his forehead and stood. If he stalled a bit longer, he was going to be late for his interview.

Just as he started walking, he felt his phone vibrate. Pulling it out, Bucky saw two messages from the interviewers. They were cancelled due to scheduling problems.

“Shit,” he hissed. He was both happy and sad; happy because he was going home instead of dragging himself all around New York, and sad because he was more likely to never hear for them again since those kinds of messages usually meant ‘we found someone already’. Cursing under his breath again, he changed his route. He had some money left, so he decided to get a sandwich from Subway. He really didn’t want to pass out on his way home, he couldn’t deal with that.

He was halfway to the nearest Subway when his phone vibrated again. It was a text from Sam.

we’re at lolly’s, it said. join us. been a while since i saw your ugly face. Bucky snorted as he shook his head. Lolly’s wasn’t so far away from where he was, probably as close as the Subway. He sent Sam a ‘on my way’ text and started walking.

Sam was right. It had been a while since he saw them. He was too busy chasing down job interviews that he couldn’t spare some time to his friends and night outs as much as he would like to. They were probably in the same rush since they didn’t reach out to him, and that was okay. Life was hard and messy and could get super busy super quick.

He sprinted as soon as he saw the diner. Using his long legs to run across the street, he walked inside panting lightly.

The place was buzzing. It wasn’t overly crowded, but it wasn’t empty either. There were families and students and friend groups all talking and eating at the same time. Laughter and chatting sounds were filling the small diner, and it was making the place look and sound all cozy.

His eyes danced on the people sitting in the booths until he found them. They were in their usual booth. Grinning, he made his way towards them.

“Oh, look it’s Barnes!” Sam grinned at Bucky. “Nice to see that you’re as ugly as before.” Bucky chuckled and hugged him.

“Shut up, Wilson, we both know you have a crush on me,” he said, making everyone on the table laugh. Bucky quickly hugged and greeted his other friends before he took a seat. “What are we having?” He asked, he was starving and was pretty sure that if he went without food a little bit longer, his stomach was going to go apeshit on him.

“We ordered greasy burgers as always,” Steve said, grinning. “Loki hates it.” Bucky saw Loki rolling his eyes, but he knew Loki was having fun. He smiled. “We ordered for you, too. It should be here any minute now.”

“Y’all are saints,” Bucky breathed in relief. The refusals and complaints immediately filled the small table, and Bucky laughed. He really missed his friends.

─

It was hours later when they left the diner with full bellies and laughter ringing in their ears. They ate and drunk and talked about what they have been doing since the graduation, how the life was treating them and all that jazz.

Bucky felt good when he heard that his friends, too, were going through the same things as he was. It felt nice to know that he wasn’t alone.

“I’m getting married,” Sam said as they stepped on the half-full sidewalk. All of them stopped suddenly, looking at each other with surprised etched on their faces.

“Are you kiddin’ me?” Bucky asked. “You’re─ Really?” Sam nodded, grinning widely. “Holy shit, man, I didn’t even know you were datin’ with someone.” The others chuckled.

“I didn’t either,” Loki said. Bucky heard Steve agreeing with him.

“Well, we kept it pretty low-key,” Sam explained. “We’ve been dating for three years? Almost?” He shrugged. “It got serious in the last year. I proposed to her already and we’re gonna tell our parents as soon as I hear back from one of the interviews I gave around.”

Bucky smiled. “Wow,” he said. “I’m proud of you man,” he added quickly because he was. He really was proud of Sam. “Congrats.” Bucky threw his arms around him and patted his back a couple times. Sam smiled and murmured his thanks. As he stepped back and let the others hug Sam, Bucky couldn’t help but imagine if this would happen to him if he were to treat you like you deserved.

Would you marry him? Would you mind keeping him forever? He wanted to know. He felt like he knew the answer already, but he wanted to hear it from you. He wanted to know if he ever stood a chance, if you’d ever accept him like that. He was too much of an asshole, he knew, thank you very much, but Bucky also knew that he’d get his shit together for you. Maybe he wouldn’t in the beginning of your… relationship, but he would now. It was too late, though.

“We planned a summer wedding, but it really depends on the time that I’ll be hearing back from anyone,” Sam sighed. “’s gonna be alright,” he said. “We both know that.” Bucky smiled sadly. He wished he could say that, too.

“I’m happy for you, Wilson,” he said instead. Sam sent him a soft smile. Placing his hand on Sam’s shoulder, Bucky pulled him against his side. “Let’s go home.” The others all agreed, and they started walk down the sidewalk.

They were crossing the street when Bucky saw you.

You were across the street where he was going with your own friend group. You were laughing and looked so beautiful in that white dress, Bucky wanted to sob. He missed your face, missed seeing you laugh, he realized, and his heart gave a painful thud in its cage.

Clearing his throat, he crossed the street when the light turned green for them. His eyes never left you; they watched how you joked and laughed and grabbed your friend’s arm while you giggled… Bucky missed you so fucking much.

“Barnes?” Sam nudged him when they stepped off the road. “You alright?” Bucky nodded absently.

“Yeah,” he murmured. The need to be near you, the want to talk to you was about to consume Bucky, and he was aware that he was going to make an ass of himself, but he didn’t care. “Hey, why don’t guys go ahead? I’ll catch up.” Sam frowned. “It’s fine. I saw someone and wanted to tell them something, that’s it.” It wasn’t so convincing, Bucky knew, but thankfully, Sam didn’t say anything. He just nodded and walked the opposite way.

Taking a deep breath, Bucky marched on where you were standing with your friends. He wasn’t about to jump into the conversation, that would be rude. He was going to see if he would be able to catch your attention. As he stepped into your sight, he waved his hand. You were too into the conversation, you didn’t see him at first, but then a movement caught your eyes. Lifting your head, you saw Bucky and froze for a second.

“Um,” you cleared your throat. “Can you give me a minute?” You said to your friends, and they nodded, going back to their conversation right away. You went up to him.

“Hi,” he said, a little breathless because you looked so beautiful. You smiled softly.

“Hi,” you breathed. “What are you doing here?” You couldn’t help but ask. He shrugged. Grabbing his bag tighter, he licked his lips.

“Was hanging out with the boys,” he said. You nodded slowly. “Then, I saw you and thought I could, y’know,” Bucky shrugged awkwardly. You nodded again. “You look beautiful,” he blurted.

You felt heat rushing to your cheeks. “Thank you, Bucky,” you murmured. Bucky’s heart made a flip as the oxygen got trapped in his throat.

You could have been together, Bucky thought. You could have been dating still, and this encounter wouldn’t be so awkward. Bucky wouldn’t feel like there were miles between you two while you were one of those people who knew him really well.

“Bucky?” You reached out and touched his arm. “Are you okay?”

“You told me you loved me,” Bucky blurted out. He couldn’t keep it in anymore. He wanted it out, out, out. He needed to get rid of it. He needed to tell you.

“ What?” You frowned.

“The night you got drunk and called me,” he explained. “You told me that you loved me, but you didn’t want to love me because it hurts you.” Bucky swallowed harshly. “You said you didn’t want to see me anymore because I just make you want to cry.” Sighing, Bucky tried to hold his tears back. “You─ You said that I never saw you as─ as a relationship material because you knew you weren’t enough.”

“Bucky─” You gasped.

“Please,” he begged. “Let me finish it. I─” Bucky took a deep breath. “I want you to know that you were enough,” he said, finally lifting his head up and looking at your eyes. They were full of tears already. “You were enough for me. You were more than enough. I was the one who wasn’t enough and didn’t deserve you. It─ It hurt like hell when I heard you say that you don’t want to love me anymore because it hurts you. I wanted to hurt myself for you because you didn’t deserve to be hurt.” He sniffed, trying to hold back tears was getting harder.

“Y/N,” Bucky said. “I want you to know that I love you. For real. This is no joke, there is no play, nothing. I just want you know that I love you so much. I told my friends about how I feel about you, and they didn’t believe. I don’t mind them not believing me, but I need you to believe me.” You felt tears rolling down on your cheeks gently as Bucky’s blue eyes bored into yours. The way he was looking at you felt like he was looking directly into your soul. You sobbed lightly.

“I treated you like shit,” Bucky murmured. “I know that. I’m so sorry. I made you feel like you weren’t enough when you were more than enough, and I hurt you. Because of me, you didn’t want to love, doesn’t matter who. You didn’t want to love, Y/N, because I was such a dick to you. I’m so sorry. I know no matter how many times I apologize, it’s not gonna undo all the damage, but I’m sorry. I truly am.” Bucky sighed deeply. “I should have told you that I love you long before. I shouldn’t have been such a coward about how I feel about you, I’m sorry for not acting on them before─”

With a sniff, you hugged him out of a sudden. Bucky backed a step and caught you immediately. Wrapping his arms around your waist, he hesitated only for a second before he pulled you in for a tight hug. You sobbed, face hidden in his neck as you held onto him. You missed him. You missed his body heat against yours, hearing his voice, feeling his arms around you… You missed him so much.

“Bucky,” you whispered when you pulled back just a little. You kissed him. Both of you had tears on your faces, but neither of you cared about it. Your tears-covered lips found each other. It wasn’t a filthy, passionate kiss, but a sweet, desperate and chaste one. You parted for oxygen and then leaned in to kiss him again. Pulling back, you rested your forehead against his, your eyes closed and lips close to his. “Bucky,” you whispered again, your hands were on each side of his face. “You knew how we were going to end up,” you murmured. You opened your eyes to look at his baby blue ones. “This is where we end.”

This was the first time you were seeing him this vulnerable, you thought as you watched his chin wobbled and tears spilling over his cheeks. He sniffed. He was nodding slowly.

He understood. He really did. He wasn’t good enough for you, he knew that, and he’d hate it if you were to settle down with someone who never truly deserved you. He loved you. You were his very first love, and everything was intense and strange to him, but he would get over it. He knew he had to. He just wanted you to be okay, wanted you to not hurt anymore, wanted you to love someone who was going to make you want to love.

So, he understood.

Nodding still, Bucky wrapped you up into another hug. He memorized how your body felt against his while hugging like this, how you held him, how you rested your head on his shoulder… He memorized all of it. With a sniff, he stepped back. He placed his hands on your cheeks and kissed one last time. He breathed in your sweet scent, felt your soft lips against his and pulled back.

“This is where we end,” he whispered, repeating your words. You nodded. “Okay,” he agreed. He kissed your forehead before he stepped back fully. “Take care of yourself, please?” He pleaded. “I want you to be happy, to love, just… Be happy, alright?” You nodded once.

“I promise,” you whispered back. “Only if you be gentle with yourself.” Bucky cracked a half-smile and nodded.

“I promise.” You smiled at him. Your hand reached to his hair, and you fixed the rebel strands. Bucky took your hand, placed a soft kiss into your palm and dropped it. “Goodbye, Y/N. Thank you for loving me.”

You felt fresh tears licking your face, but you didn’t care. “Goodbye, Bucky. Thank you for loving me back.” Bucky pressed his lips together, looked at your for a second longer and turned around.

Walking away from you had never felt this painful before, Bucky realized. His feet were taking him away from you, but his heart was beating with you. It was screaming at him to go back and beg you to try once, but he wasn’t going to do that. You didn’t deserve that.

Bucky sighed. Nothing was going to make him feel as real as you did, he thought to himself. He was okay with it. He had to be okay with it.

So, Bucky walked away from you.

Once and for all.

─

After that, after you, Bucky never loved anyone ever. His heart belonged only to you.

#bucky barnes x reader #fuckboy!bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes smut #fuckboy!bucky #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #echoes of silence

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mhysa-leesi · 3 years

Text

му вℓσσ∂у ναℓєηтιηє

{Gif Source} {Gif Source 2}

Pairing: Dark!Steve Rogers 𝒳 (femme) Reader 🩸.

Summary: "Steve Rogers is madly in love with you and he'll do anything for you to see that--no matter who gets in his way."

Word Count: 4,765 (Sorry, this is a long one!)

TW‼: Non-Con, Smut, Stalking, Yandere Themes, Murder (Description of Side-Character Death), Blood, Description of Gore, and Strong Language. 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI‼

AN: This story contains adult and dark themes, please do not proceed if you are under the age of 18 or if ANY of these warnings upset you! I am not responsible for your media consumption–you and only you are. Also, I used one of the prompts from (@the-modern-typewriter) to describe a character's death, ALL CREDIT GOES TO THEM. 𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀 𝓎𝑜𝓊.

AN Cont.: If you or anyone you know has been a victim of sexual violence, please reach out for help. I do not condone ANY of the actions described in this story, this is merely a work of FICTION.

The first love letter was delivered on a gloomy Friday afternoon. The clouds above the city were dark and full of frigid torrents of rainfall. Gold and scarlet autumn leaves whispered against the chilly winds as acorns scattered about; rolling and cracking underfoot as you made your everyday walk to work. You had chosen to stray from your usual route that day, deciding on a new corner coffee shop instead of your normal stop.

You remembered that day clearly, as if it had happened just yesterday. The new coffee shop was a small, hole in the wall with plastic vines of ivy and fairylights rimming the framework of the inside. You ordered rich and dark coffees, with creamy oat milk for you and your coworkers, and an apple pecan oatmeal cookie for yourself.

Your workday was seemingly the same as any other. Pam was gossiping with Susan, and Scott was hiding from Mark, your manager, in the breakroom. You remember you were seated at your cubicle when things turned, staring at the rain against the window, and tapping your pen against your notepad, when you were startled by the mail carrier. He handed you a single, pink envelope with a heart stamp on its flap and left with a mumbled “you’re welcome”. You frowned as there was no return address or other name besides yours. You had opened it anyway.

You remembered how your frown had deepened as your stomach dropped. The paper trembled in your hands as you stared at the small heart sketched at the bottom. You frantically looked around the office for any sign of a joke, hoping to see one of your coworkers giggling at your shocked reaction. But everyone had their noses deep into their screens, typing away at their work. You turned the letter over, looking for a name or a clue as to who had sent it. But it was blank.

And you remembered how you had crumpled up the letter and tossed it as you refocused and finished the rest of that workday.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Weeks passed before you got another mysterious love letter delivered to your desk, a small bouquet of roses and baby’s-breath with it. And again, you crumpled it up and threw it away; leaving the flowers in the breakroom. You had made a mental note that day to talk to the mailman about the delivery of these letters.

For a time they stopped and you thought you were out of the woods or thought your secret admirer had lost interest at the very least. But you were wrong. Your third envelope had been waiting for you in your mailbox when you had gotten home from work one Monday evening. You didn’t bother opening it as you sent it straight to the garbage.

You were growing paranoid and antsy as you constantly looked over your shoulder. You’d freeze every time you came across an envelope, even if it was just your monthly rent notice or bank statement. You had refused to live like this, in a constant state of anxiety and fear, so, that’s how you found yourself moving into a new apartment across town.

You were met with months of peace, you were finally readjusting to life before the letters. You had even moved in with someone you had been seeing from your new job, Chris. He was perfect, someone straight from a romance novel; tall, dark, and handsome, with a taste for adventure and romance. You were happy with him--you were in love and had long since decided that if Chris were to ask you to marry him, you’d say yes in a heartbeat.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today was your anniversary with Chris, and the two of you had an entire evening planned. Dinner at your favorite restaurant, a surprise showing of your favorite movie at the corner cinema, and then home, where you’d give him his gift. A red lacy lingerie set with fuzzy handcuffs, and a silk blindfold to match.

Your heart skipped and your stomach alighted with butterflies as you touched up your makeup in the bathroom mirror. The evening had been absolutely perfect and it was about to get even better. You stepped out into the bedroom, dressed in nothing but red lace and a bathrobe. A spritz of perfume here and a mint there, and you were ready to go surprise your man.

You walked out into the living room and seductively leaned against the wall, watching as he poured two glasses of red wine. He turned and froze, swallowing hard as he abandoned the drinks on the kitchen counter. You smirked as he pulled you to him by your hips, instantly locking his lips to yours. He looked down at you through his eyelashes, his deep brown eyes darkened with lust, and you couldn’t help but bite your lip. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him down to your lips once more.

Your eyes closed and moaned as he peppered kisses along the curve of your neck, tilting your head back to give him better access. His hands roamed your body hotly, squeezing and caressing your dips and curves. Chris entangled his hands in your hair as he moved you to the counter, lifting you up as if you weighed nothing. He pushed your robe down your shoulders to reveal the red lace hidden underneath, and with a groan, he bent to trace the rosette lacework that covered your breasts with his tongue. You hummed and wrapped your legs around his waist, your hands running down his back to toy with the bottom hem.

Chris gently pushed you down to an angle as he kissed down your body, stopping just below your navel to wink up at you. You bit back a laugh as you wiggled your hips impatiently as you leaned back on your hands. With your fingers splayed against the wooden countertop, your touch met something smooth and waxy--like the waxy seal of an envelope. You reached behind you and grabbed a pink envelope, with a wax stamp of a heart on its flap. Your heart seemed to stop as you stared at the envelope in your hands.

You vaguely felt Chris’s lips on your inner thighs, kissing and nipping at your skin. When he heard no reaction from you, he looked up, his brows furrowed and eyes full of questions.

“What’s that?” he asked, “You wrote me a love letter, too?” he winked as he reached for it.

You jerked it away from his grasp, your heart hammering in your chest as you ripped open the flap; ripping the waxy heart in half.

P.S. You should really lock your windows, doll. You jumped off the counter and ran to the windows, each one was locked--except for one. You locked it and double-checked its strength, fighting against the lock as you tried to open it.

“Babe? (Y/N),” Chris said sternly, snapping you out of your trance.

You looked at him now. You didn’t know what to say, you couldn’t think of how to form the words. You wanted to say everything was fine and okay, but it wasn’t--it was far from it. Whoever had been writing and sending you these knew where you lived now, and that scared you. After months of trying so hard to move on from this, you felt as if you were right back at square one again.

The rest of the night was unclear to you. You moved like a zombie, your brain on autopilot as you crawled into bed to hide under the covers until the morning sun rose. Chris asked questions, of course. But you had no answers for him. You had no idea who had been writing them and had absolutely no clue how they had found you again.

Chris had suggested going to the police, but what could they do? No one had physically harassed you, and although creepy, the letters weren’t threatening. And not to mention, you had thrown away most of your evidence. You were at a loss. Chris was supportive, always there to comfort you during the night when you were restless, but that never kept you from feeling alone.

Your paranoia increased tenfold by the end of that week. You changed your daily routine every few days, hoping that’d throw your stalker off your trail, but it never did. They always seemed ten steps ahead of you, whereas you struggled to even think to keep up with them. Your breaking point was reached on Sunday evening as you met with one of your old friends from high school for breakfast-dinner--an old tradition you two had decided to revive for the night.

Things were going good, and you even dared to forget about your own issues as you cut into your syrup-soaked pancakes. Madison was telling you about her newest fling and how good he was in the sack, and you genuinely found yourself happy to listen to the vulgar details. After painting you a vivid picture of her sex life, Madison excused herself to the restroom; leaving you alone with your pancakes and empty cup of iced coffee.

You saw a head of electric blue hair and you perked up. Your waitress came with a smile and handed you a paper cup of steaming coffee and a single napkin.

“Oh, I didn’t order this,” you said with a polite smile.

“A gentleman ordered this for you,” she winked before walking away.

You frowned as you looked at the writing on the napkin. Refusing to even acknowledge the cup of coffee in front of you.

Your mouth went dry as you stared at the familiar handwriting. Brown dress, he knew what you were wearing--he was here. You shot to your feet, the chair scraping loudly against the floor, as you looked around frantically, ignoring all of the judgemental looks and hushed whispers you were getting.

“You okay, (Y/N)?” asked Madison, her brows knitted in concern.

“Yeah,” you lied, “I just… I’m sorry, but I have to go. I’ll call you later, Mads.”

You dug through your wallet and gave a twenty to your waitress on your way out, only stopping to yell over your shoulder for her to keep the change. You practically ran home from the restaurant as your anxiety started to settle in your bones, making you heavy with unease. You called Chris, but were only met with his voicemail. The elevator ride up to your floor was tortuous as you watched the floor numbers slowly light up one by one until finally, they stopped at your floor. You panted as you slammed the door shut behind you, sliding the lock and chain in place as you dropped your head to rest against the wooden frame.

You sniffled as the words from his letter were seared into your eyelids. You just wanted him to leave you alone, you didn’t know what you did to catch his eye, and worst of all, you didn’t know how to make it stop. You choked on your hiccupped breaths as tears streaked down your cheeks. When you finally calmed down you switched on the lights and finally turned around…

You stared at Chris in horror. Blood drenched the entire living room, his corpse sat limp in a chair like a broken, bloody doll. His throat and wrists had been slashed. You tried to hold your hand over the open wounds as you screamed for help, but no matter the pressure you applied, the blood still gushed and seeped through your fingers, oozing down your arm, and dripping from your elbow. The gore of it all brought waves of nausea that went beyond physical retching, the sickness you felt was indescribable. But the smell, the smell was something much worse. Metallic, iron, copper… Your ears started to ring. You couldn’t hear, couldn’t breathe. You could only stare at the bloodstain on your hands and scream.

You left that following weekend, abandoning the big city to move back in with your parents and younger sister. You spent most of your days locked in your room, hiding from the world under the comfort of your blanket and drawn curtains. Days turned to weeks, and weeks to months. You’d look at yourself in the mirror and cry as you no longer recognized yourself as the woman you once were. You knew it was time to move on, but you couldn’t, not when you’d see Chris’s bloodied body every time you’d close your eyes.

You started small by taking baby steps toward your recovery. It started with family meals, then a cashier job at your local supermarket, shopping trips with your mother and sister. Then you eventually graduated to therapy, where you’d stare at a forest green ceiling as you reclined on the chaise longue. Therapy helped and it was admittedly one of the better moments of your monotonous days, you felt heard, seen, as you walked through your own thoughts and nightmares. Your appointments even inspired you to reach out to Chris’s parents for closure, to go with them to visit their son’s grave. It was bittersweet, leaving behind a bouquet of roses for the man you had loved so deeply instead of a kiss goodbye; but it was something you knew you’d have to come to terms with. It wasn’t your fault, that was the mantra you’d tell yourself when you’d catch glimpses of his blood on your hands.

Before you knew it a year had passed since the incident, and in that year, you had not received one letter. You had made a resolution for the first time that New Year’s Eve as you waited for the midnight ball to drop. You told yourself you’d forget, to start fresh, and become an even better version of yourself. You were a flower that was fighting against all odds to blossom.

You cut your hair, got bangs and highlights. Saved up for a brand new, off-the-lot car. And moved into a cozy apartment with your sister. Things were looking up for you and you truly believed that you had finally found your way out of the woods. But life had a habit of playing cruel tricks on those who were naive enough to believe such a thing.

It was mid-February, just a few days before Valentine’s Day, when things started to go to shit. You had just come back from the gym with your sister when you saw it. A pink envelope with no return address or any other name besides yours, with a wax seal in the shape of a heart on the back flap, sat on your pillow. It felt like it weighed a thousand pounds as you held it in your hands. You debated on throwing it away, on pretending you never received it. But you wanted to know what more this twisted bastard could have to say. You ripped it open and read.

You didn’t hesitate as you ripped the letter to shreds, throwing the pieces into the garbage with an angry grunt. Delusional piece of deranged shit, you thought. You raked through your brain for the millionth time since your first letter, trying to figure out who the fuck could possibly be the sender, but you came to the same conclusion you had been coming to for years--nothing. It was agonizing, not knowing who your torturer was. It was your shadow, how could you not know who was living in it? But, no matter how hard you thought, you kept drawing blank after blank.

Your sister comforted you with a glass of wine and dumplings from the takeout place up the street. She was going out tonight, but offered to stay home with you instead.

“No,” you shooed, “I’ll be fine, I’m a big girl.”

“You sure?” she frowned, “It’s no big deal, Girls Night is every Friday night, I can always go next week.”

“I’m fine. Go and have fun for the both of us,” you said as you waved her away.

She left a few minutes later, dressed in heels and a short skirt. You ate the rest of the dumplings and finished the bottle of wine before calling it a night. You undressed down to your underwear and threw on an oversized t-shirt and plopped down onto the bed with an unceremonious bounce. The wine coursing through your system made it easier than usual to fall asleep, and the next thing you knew, you were in a deep sleep, dreaming of a life with Chris--of a life without the letters. It was one of those good dreams you wished you’d never wake from.

Which was why you were so annoyed when a loud noise startled you awake. You looked at your phone and the time read “1:00 AM”, you frowned, it was too early for your sister to be back already. You padded along the hallway, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you called out for her, worried she might’ve passed out drunk on the floor or something. You stopped as you reached the front room--the very empty front room. Your heart started to pound as you stood frozen, staring at the empty room before you. A shuffling from behind caught your attention, then. And against your better instincts, you turned around slowly to see a shadowed silhouette of a man standing at the end of the hallway.

You stood there for what felt like an eternity, just staring dumbstruck at the man. With every step he took toward you, you took one back. Inching closer and closer to the front door with every backward step.

“Doll, don’t,” he warned, his voice striking you with fear like a bolt of lightning.

Without a second thought, you ran toward the door, fumbling stupidly with the locks in your panicked state of mind. The man was on you in a flash, easily dragging you away from your pathetic attempt at escape. His arms slithered around you like snakes, their hold constricting as he locked an arm firmly around your neck, silencing your screams as you struggled to breathe. You slapped and clawed at his forearm as he pulled you back to your bedroom.

“Please be a good girl for me, (Y/N). I don’t want to hurt you, baby,” he said against your hair.

With his arm still wrapped around your neck, he threw you down onto the bed, quickly straddling you before you could scramble to your feet. He pinned your arms above your head with one hand and forced you to look at him with the other. His face was illuminated by the moonlight. The silver shine highlighting his familiar eyes through the holes of his helmet. You froze as he pulled off his blue cowl.

You were beyond confused, to say the least. You stared up at Captain America, your brain working overtime to try and put the puzzle pieces together. What was Captain America doing in your apartment? And why had he called you “baby”? What the fuck was going on? Were you lucid dreaming? You must’ve looked as confused as you felt because he smiled down at you, gently promising you answers to the questions that you hadn’t yet asked.

“You’re even more beautiful up-close, doll,” he said as he brushed away hairs that fell in your face from your struggle.

Your eyes widened. Doll. The nickname sent chills down your spine as the word flashed against the pink color of the envelopes, against the red of spilled blood.

“You…”

He ran a finger down your cheek and nodded, “Me.”

You paled under him, your bottom lip trembling as you shook your head in disbelief. He frowned and hushed you, caressing your cheek and wiping away the tears that fell.

“Shh… Don’t cry, baby,” he cooed, “I’ll take good care of you, you don’t need to cry.”

“W–Why?” you hiccupped through your sobs, “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I love you, (Y/N),” your stomach dropped as he answered you as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

You shook your head, “No. No! You’re Captain America. You’re supposed to be a hero!”

You fought against his grip, flailing and kicking wildly as you tried in vain to get away from him. You trashed against him, kicking against his thighs with all of your strength, but it was nothing to him--nothing but an annoying inconvenience.

“Stop,” he said, his jaw ticking with simmering anger.

But you refused to stop. You whined and fought against him.

“Stop,” he repeated, his anger coming to a rolling boil.

You shot up and headbutted him. He reeled back and glowered down at you, his jaw clenched and nostrils flared.

“I said stop,” he shouted as he finally stilled you with a sharp slap.

The sound was as sharp as the feel of it. You sobbed as the pain stung your skin, the right side of your face becoming numb from the harsh impact of it.

“Why are you doing this, Steve?” you asked again.

“Because I love you,” he answered again, “I know you love me, too, (Y/N).”

“No,” you exclaimed, “I don’t love you! I don’t love you! I don’t love you!” you sobbed.

“You will,” Something seemed to change within his eyes. No longer were there hints of green in his blue eyes, but something much darker… Something more sinister. You swallowed as you shrunk under his intense glare.

You exclaimed as he forced his lips against yours. Squeezing your jaw until he could slip his tongue into your mouth. You pushed against him, beating on his shoulders as he shoved his tongue further down your throat. He pulled away, breathless and flushed, a ghost of a content smile on his face. You gasped and tried to wiggle away once more, rolling onto your stomach as you did so. A yelp escapes you as you feel him grab your hips, pulling you back under him.

Steve puts his weight on you, trapping you underneath him as he begins to undress you. You try to roll onto your back, but his knee keeps you in place. You fight to keep your shirt on, knowing you wore nothing but your panties underneath it. But you were fighting blind. You kicked up, the heels of your feet hitting the backs of Steve’s strong thighs. He manhandles you easily as he rolls you onto your back, finally ridding you of your cotton shield.

Your hands went to your chest before he could. He pried your arms away, baring your breasts to him with a jerked jiggle. He licked his lips as he cupped and squeezed your breast. You flinched as if his touch had burned you, and in some sense, it had. Your eyes widened in shame as Steve blew on your nipples, the skin hardening into pointed peaks. He brings his lips to them, circling them with his tongue. Sucking, licking, pinching. You press your lips together to keep you from whimpering, and you close your eyes in hopes you can will him away. But your feeble defense attempts don’t last long.

Your eyes snap open as you feel his lips leave your breasts to trail kisses down to your navel, stopping at the band of your underwear.

“Please…” you beg. You bite your lip to keep it from trembling as fresh tears begin to form at the corners of your eyes.

Steve smiles against your skin, “I’m going to make you mine, (Y/N). ‘M gonna make you feel so good, doll.”

You stifle a sob as you feel him slide your panties off past your ankles, his fingers scorching your skin as they explore back up between your thighs. Instinctively, you try to close your legs around his hands. But he doesn’t stop. Steve digs his fingers into the soft skin of your inner thighs as he forcefully spreads you wide. Your pussy on full display to him. You stiffen under his gaze, your face burning with shame as he stares in awe at your spread folds. He runs a finger from your clit to your entrance, dipping knuckle-deep into your channel. Your thighs flex as your body tenses at the intrusion. He adds another and languidly pumps them in and out, curling and scissoring them. You fight against the blossoming heat within your belly. Your shame grows as you hear the squelch of your wetness around his pumping fingers.

Steve presses a firm thumb to your clit and you cry out before you can stop yourself. He pumps his fingers into you harder, faster, as he pulls more moans and cries from your lips. You sob as you feel that coil deep within your belly begin to unravel with every stroke and pump. You fight against your own body as you keep yourself from teetering over the edge of pleasure, refusing to let yourself submit to him. But Steve had other plans for you. Suddenly, before you could register his movements, you felt his tongue against your most intimate area. You mewled and curled your toes as he fucked you with his tongue, his thumb never stopping their firm and fast circles against your clit. You sobbed as your body convulsed with white-hot pleasure, and before you could stop yourself, you came on his tongue with a loud, dragged out moan.

You sniffled as you cried, but whether it was from the intensity of your orgasm or your shame and fear, you didn’t know. The lines were starting to blur for you.

Steve gently kissed around your folds before crawling up over you. He held your face and forced your lips to his once more before he began to undress, leaving the taste of yourself on your tongue as he pulled away with a wet smack. He unclothed himself, then. Stripping himself of his spangled-stars and red and white stripes. He looked down at you with dark, lust-filled eyes, and a breathless quirk of his lips.

You were limp as he folded you to his needs. Bringing your bent and spread knees to your chest as he took himself in his hands. His length stood tall and proud, the tip swollen and leaking down this thick shaft with anticipation. Your legs flinched as they tried to close on their own. You choked on a sob as he wrenched them apart. Your heart hammered in your chest as you watched him tap your pussy with his cock, running the tip up and down your folds as he wet himself with your soaking arousal until finally, he pressed himself into your entrance. You let out a strained whine as he slammed into you.

Steve’s eyes were shut and mouth slightly agape as he hisses at your tightness. His hips thrust in excitement as you clench around him. You whimper again as he slides out, just to slam himself back in. Your body jolts with every lust-driven thrust. He slides his hands under you and brings them to hold onto your shoulders, bringing you down to meet his every forceful thrust. The sound of skin slapping and lewd moans fill your bedroom, your sweat sheen bodies glowing under the moonlight. Steve speeds up, mercilessly hammering that hidden sweet spot that makes you scream and clench around his cock. You spasm and shake as Steve forces another orgasm from you.

“Tell me you love me,” he pants.

You shake your head, pushing on his shoulders as the realization of your situation comes crashing back into you.

His hand wraps around your throat as he pounds into you harder than before, “Say it, (Y/N).”

You scratch at his hand as your vision begins to dot and blacken, “I–I love you…”

“Louder,” he demands, “‘I love you, Steve’, say it, doll, I wanna hear you say it.” he moans.

“I love you, Steve,” you choke out.

He releases his grip on you then, and you cough and gasp for air. His rhythm becomes erratic as his hips drive into you with renewed vigor, “Again.”

“I love you, Steve,” you moan.

His body jerks as his hips stutter to a stop. Steve comes with your name on his lips, and you whined as you felt his warmth flood inside of you. He panted above you, his hips languidly thrusting as his abdomen clenched with his drawn out release. He pulled out of you and collected the spunk that leaked from your weeping cunt on his fingers. He brought them to your lips and forced you to suck them clean.

“I love you, too, doll. Forever and ever,”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*тαgℓιѕт*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧: @hoosier-daddi

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witcher-and-his-bard-archive · 3 years

Text

Love (I Can’t Forget)

Pairing: geralt x jaskier Warning(s): minor jaskier x other Rating: mature

Summary: Jaskier is quite enjoying his morning with the innkeeper's daughter when he hears the cry of a golem. He knows a contract has been put out for a Witcher and that everything should be perfectly fine. Only the contract put out was for a rock troll.

There are few things in his life that Jaskier regrets as much as his extensive knowledge of all things monsters. And not even the majority of the time, just right now on this particular day at this particular time.

He's been stuck in Hamm for three days on his way to Cintra to check in on Ciri. But there's a rock troll that's been blocking the only safe route out, chucking rocks at travellers and being a general nuisance. Rock trolls aren't much trouble otherwise, but this one is affecting trade and travel, so the town has put out for a Witcher. Judging by the chatter in town, the witcher arrived this morning. So, unable to leave and unwilling to go out and get involved with the Witcher and his business like everyone else, Jaskier has holed up with the innkeeper's daughter Penelope and he's quite enjoying himself.

Or, he was, until he heard the cry.

Because right now, he's quite happily trapped beneath layers of lace and silk, pinned between soft thighs, and all he can think of is that the contract was put out for a rock troll and that sound? that was a golem. Which means that right now, there's a Witcher thinking he's going up again a calm and peaceful creature and is very much not prepared for what he's about to find. And Jaskier is torn.

Because on the one hand, he doesn't want anyone getting hurt, especially due to miscommunication - intentional or otherwise. But on the other hand, the likelihood of Geralt being the Witcher called to deal with the problem is very high. And Jaskier doesn't want to see him.

It's been months now, close to a year since he last saw Geralt, having received no apology or even acknowledgement since the dragon hunt. Which is fine; Geralt's an asshole and he can travel alone if he likes, but if that's the way it's going to be, Jaskier simply does not want to see him. Ever again, if he can help it. But he also doesn't want to see him die.

"Fuck," he mumbles and Penelope giggles as he drops his head, hair tickling her thighs.

"Mmhm, I hope so."

Jaskier crawls out from under her skirts, running his hands up her thighs and doing his best to look apologetic. Because he is; he'd rather spend the entire afternoon making her come than face Geralt for even a second, but he can't sit idly by when the man he, regrettably, still loves could be in danger.

"I have to go," he says softly and she frowns. "I'm sorry and believe me, I would much rather stay here with you, but an old friend is in danger, I can't leave him alone."

"The Witcher?" she asks and Jaskier nods. She must have heard the cry too. "Isn't it his job to fight monsters?"

"Yes, when he's given the correct information, but that's not a rock troll out there." Penelope sighs but pushes her skirts back into place, tidying them.

"You'd better go find him then."

Jaskier dips down, pressing a brief kiss to her lips before gathering his things quickly and hurrying off to find the Witcher. He prays under his breath that it isn't Geralt, but even as he does, he finds himself looking for traces of the man. He knows Geralt's habits, knows where he'll set up camp - the people here aren't friendly enough to welcome a Witcher into their homes or even host him at the inn - and so Jaskier heads for the woods.

It takes him a remarkably short time to come across the meagre camp. Roach is tethered to a tree just a few feet from the fire pit and Jaskier's heart aches to see her. She dances excitedly and he swallows back a lump in his throat.

"Hey, girl," he whispers. "I've missed you too, but I can't stay, okay? Geralt could be in trouble." He gives her a quick pat, regretting that this will likely be their only chance to see one another.

Jaskier drops to his knees next to Geralt's pack, rummaging through it. He finds the satchel of oils first, pulling them out until he recognizes the bluish hue of elemental oil. He sets it aside and continues looking for potions. Immediately, he finds swallow and thunderbolt sitting neatly in their sheaths and his heart clenches. He grabs them both and a third vial he hopes is white rafford's and tucks them all into his pockets, turning to hurry in the direction of the fight.

It's not hard to find them. The golem is loud and Jaskier follows the sound of its roars until he almost stumbles over a log in his urgency to get to him. Geralt rolls in his direction, dodging a blow from the beast, and when he sees Jaskier, his expression sours.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Jaskier?"

Jaskier stiffens, immediately defensive. He has to bite his tongue as he crouches down next to Geralt, still keeping one eye on the golem. It seems to have lost its target for now, but Jaskier knows that won't last long.

"Rude," he retorts, "considering I'm here to rescue you." He empties his pockets, listing off the supplies as he pushes them into Geralt's hands. "I thought you might need the assistance since a golem is a lot harder to talk down than a rock troll."

He's seething now, all the anger and hurt of the last year bubbling to the surface and it takes everything in him not to cry in front of Geralt. He's always been an angry crier and he hates it. But Geralt's head jerks up and a little bit of pride peeks through the anger. Because he does know what he's doing. He pointedly ignores it, eyeing a scrape on the side of Geralt's face that will need tending to later.

"Take the thunderbolt now," he says, "don't risk going at it again without it."

Geralt scoffs but he makes no attempt to take control of the situation, letting Jaskier continue. Jaskier focuses on the golem; there's no way Geralt can get the jump on it from here, so he'll have to distract it once he's ready.

"Oil your blade," he says and Geralt eyes him suspiciously, but he's already got the rag in hand.

Once he's finished, he keeps his eyes on Jaskier, no longer waiting for a command, but skeptical of what comes next. Jaskier knows he's realized something is up or else he would have just gone after the golem again, but he's waiting, he's letting Jaskier help.

"You're not going to like this," Jaskier says, rising to his feet, "but know that I'm only doing it for you."

He darts away through the trees and he can hear Geralt yelling after him, but it's too late. He ignores him, pushing on until he hears the golem turn its attention on him. This is closely followed by an angry fuck and Jaskier knows his plan is working.

Geralt still isn't at full strength, but with a distraction, he shouldn't have trouble taking the golem down. He just needs to keep it away from him without being killed until he has the chance. It's only then, that he realizes he didn't think his plan through all the way; once again, he was too concerned about Geralt's safety to consider his own and that's proved ill for him in the past.

He trips over a root - a root! - and fumbles backward to keep out of the way, but he's expecting this to be the end. He shuts his eyes and braces himself, but just as he can feel the golem's breath on his skin, it lets out a cry and whips around to turn its anger on Geralt.

Jaskier cracks an eye open to see it swinging at Geralt, now caught up and wielding his silver sword. Jaskier sighs in relief and scrambles to get up, ensuring he hasn't lost any of the supplies he brought with him. He doesn't stick around to watch the fight, heart still hammering in his chest, instead finding himself a safe spot to look out for Geralt until he takes the golem down.

And he does, shortly now that he has the right supplies, dodging its blow and pirouetting around behind it to deal a deadly blow. The golem collapses, shaking the ground beneath it and Jaskier holds his breath as he waits for Geralt to emerge from the pile of rubble.

But he doesn't and Jaskier can stand the wait any longer so he rushes out to him. Geralt's eyes are open when he reaches him, but his eyelids droop and his breath comes in hot heavy puffs. Jaskier drops down next to him, careless of the mud and blood that soaks into his trousers.

"'M fine," Geralt mumbles, but he doesn't sit up or make any attempt to move and in Jaskier's opinion, that's not fine.

He hauls Geralt up into his arms, propping him up against his chest and pulls out the remainder of the potions he brought with him. Geralt scowls and bats his hand away.

"I didn't come all the way out here to watch you die," Jaskier tuts, "I was having a very nice morning and I'd appreciate it if I wasn't interrupted for no reason. Take the potion."

Geralt rolls his eyes like a petulant child and takes the vial from Jaskier's hand, downing it like a shot of liquor.

"See," he says, "fine." Jaskier wants to smack him.

"Get up."

It's a struggle to get Geralt to his feet and Jaskier suspects his physical injuries are worse than the exhaustion, a prospect that has his heart racing, much to his chagrin. Geralt shouldn't mean anything to him anymore and yet he can't keep himself from feeling sick at the thought of anything happening to him.

Geralt uses him for support, leaning on Jaskier's shoulders as they make their way slowly back to the camp. Geralt complains about getting the necessary proof that he killed the golem and Jaskier does his very best not to call him a fucking idiot about it. He promises, with as little irritation as he can manage, that he can return for it in the morning.

He sits Geralt next to the fire and as he crosses back to Geralt's bag to collect spare linen and salve, Roach nibbles at Geralt's hair, nudging him with her nose. Jaskier smiles softly at her worry, he can understand it well; Geralt all but left him for dead, and here he is pulling him out of danger and bandaging his wounds like nothing has changed.

When he returns to him, Geralt has two of the clasps on his armour undone, but he can't reach the third and he's frowning at it. Jaskier sets the linen down with the rest of his supplies and sighs softly.

"Let me."

Geralt remains silent as Jaskier unstraps his armour and pulls his shirt up over his head. He's bruised mostly, but there are a few fresh wounds including one that spans nearly his entire stomach. There are a few scars he doesn't recognize, too, and Jaskier doesn't want to think about what caused those.

He cleans his wounds first, then wipes down the rest of his torso, relieved to find most of the gunk on him is not actually blood.

Once he's finished his work, he leaves Geralt to get dressed and gathers more wood for the fire. He lights it with bits of flint from Geralt's pack and while the smaller branches begin to crackle, Jaskier sets about finding something for them to eat. He's never been very good at hunting - that was always Geralt's job when they travelled together - but he knows his plants and with what he still has in his pack, he fixes something up for them. Not that he feels much like eating.

It's not until Jaskier is about to leave that Geralt finally speaks. Jaskier is just on the edge of sleep, exhausted from worry and the effort it takes to be so close to Geralt right now and he very nearly misses it.

"Why did you do that?"

"What part?" Jaskier asks.

"Risk your life. For me."

"I had to. I couldn't just let you die because someone was too stupid to know the difference between a rock troll and a golem."

"I'm impressed that you knew."

Jaskier's stomach does a little flip-flop and he curses himself for being so weak. "I learned from the best," he quips. "But you should sleep. I'll come back to check on you in the morning."

There's a long silence as he gathers his things and then, "Stay?" Geralt asks and Jaskier's heart clenches.

He wants to. Gods, he wants to. To lie down next to him and look up at the stars like he always has and to fall asleep to the crackling of the fire and the faint sounds of Geralt breathing next to him. But he shouldn't. That part of his life is behind him now and Geralt made it very clear that he doesn't want him around. This was just a means to an end; he couldn't with any good conscience, let a Witcher die on bad information. Even if that Witcher is the same one who broke his heart on a mountaintop so many months ago.

"I miss listening to you sing while I rest," he says and Jaskier's legs shake under him.

"You.. do?"

"Mm, I didn't realize how much I appreciated it until it was gone."

Jaskier stands still, unable to think through the rush of blood in his ears. He was angry and hurt and spiteful for a long time, but maybe it's time to let go of all that.

"Alright," he breathes.

He tries to remain calm as he can because he knows Geralt can tell when he's not. He can hear the sound of Jaskier's traitor heart and the way his breath comes just a little too fast. And he'll know what it means, the insufferable git. But in the end, it doesn't matter because Jaskier will always choose him over anyone.

He lays down in the dirt, folding his arms back to rest his head on - he's already covered in muck and Geralt's blood, what's a little more dirt? - and he sings. It's not an active choice, but he sings a love song. It's a lovely little tune, not one of his own, but one he's always been fond of, and as he sings, he closes his eyes and lets the warmth of the fire wash over him, remembering the nights when this was a common occurrence. Geralt is quiet, apparently genuine in his desire to hear him sing and Jaskier isn't quite sure what to make of that.

When he finishes, he thinks Geralt is asleep and he settles as well as he can against the rocky ground. He's tired enough that he could fall asleep anywhere, but then Geralt goes and opens his mouth again

"I looked for you," he says, "at first." Jaskier doesn't know how to respond, but Geralt doesn't seem to want a reply and he continues. "I knew what I said was wrong and I knew I'd hurt you so I tried to find you. You must have made it down the mountain before me. I was angry about what happened with Yen, I didn't mean it."

"I know," Jaskier whispers and he does. He realized a long time ago that he was not the intended target of Geralt's rage, but it didn't help to heal the wounds and it didn't bring him back. He's not sure what else to say and his heart beats too fast.

"Come here," Geralt says softly, shifting slightly to make space for him under the blanket.

Jaskier moves to lie next to him and Geralt pulls him close, wrapping an arm around him. Jaskier presses his nose into Geralt's shoulder, burying his face so Geralt can't see the emotion it betrays. He smells off, tangy, like blood and it makes Jaskier's chest tight.

"Are you alright?" he asks.

"I'll be fine."

It's not a good answer, but Geralt tips his head down, burying his nose in Jaskier's hair and it's good enough. Jaskier presses closer, allowing himself this small bit of comfort.

In the morning, he wakes with Geralt's cloak over him, but Geralt himself is gone. As he rises to his feet, Jaskier realizes that Roach is still there, grazing happily at the edge of their camp and that means Geralt couldn't have gone far. He doesn't know how welcome his company will be, so he waits for Geralt to come back, but when he doesn't Jaskier starts to worry and he goes after him. It doesn't take long to find him.

Geralt is sitting on the edge of the forest, looking out over the town though they're far enough away that no one looking would notice them. Jaskier drapes his cloak around his shoulder and sits down, just slightly behind him.

"I thought about you," Geralt admits, "just before you showed up."

"Oh."

"I didn't think I'd see you again. I didn't want to die knowing you hated me."

"I don't," Jaskier says a little too quickly, "hate you. I can't, I tried. I was angry at you for a very long time and I was hurt for even longer, but I could never hate you." I love you too much for that.

"I have a... habit of saying things to you that I regret. Twice now I've nearly lost you for good and our last words would have been unpleasant."

"Twice?" Jaskier asks.

"Mm. The djinn."

"Right." Jaskier doesn't remember much about the djinn incident - it was fairly traumatic for him - but he does remember Geralt wishing for peace and quiet and saying some awful things about his singing voice. He mentions it, a little of the bitterness bleeding through.

"I didn't mean that either," Geralt swallows, "you have a beautiful voice." That voice fails him now as his stomach twists into a knot.

"Why now?" he asks because that's all that will come out.

"I miss you. I miss your company and seeing you again," he sighs like it's the most difficult thing he's ever had to say. Jaskier forgives him for that because this is already more than Geralt has said to him in a long time. "It makes me realize I was wrong before." He pauses again and Jaskier waits, nearly breathless. "I didn't actually expect you to leave."

"Then what did you expect?" he snaps, "Geralt I've put up with so much of your shit and I've stuck by you despite it. But you told me you didn't want me, that I was a nuisance, that I-" he turns and Geralt is right there. His words stick on his tongue and his throat goes dry.

"You're not a nuisance," he says and Jaskier nods dumbly. He looks at him and he can see how hard this is for Geralt to even get out this much and it's better than he was expecting. Anything else they can work out later if Geralt was genuine about wanting him around. Jaskier opens his mouth to speak to offer a compromise, but Geralt interrupts him.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," he says, "I didn't want to, I wasn't thinking."

"Geralt-"

"You're important to me, Jaskier. And you saved my life yesterday," his lips quirk just so and Jaskier stares for a moment, trying to figure out if he's really seeing this.

"You never were very good at taking care of yourself," Jaskier shrugs. "You should have someone to look after you. Someone who knows something about these monsters you hunt."

Geralt huffs a soft laugh but says nothing, meeting Jaskier's eyes and holding his gaze. He tips his head to one side and Jaskier can feel the breath catch in his throat because Geralt is so close and it's been so long. He doesn't move, afraid to disturb the peace between them, but Geralt leans in, closing the space between them and cupping Jaskier's face in his palm. Their noses bump together, then Geralt's lips brush against his own so faintly he thinks he imagined it. But when he doesn't pull away, Geralt kisses him properly, leaning into it. Jaskier lets himself be drawn forward, lost in the press of Geralt's lips against his own. He hums softly as an arm winds around his waist, bringing him closer, and when Geralt breaks the kiss, he presses their forehead together.

"I know it's not fair," he breathes, "to ask you to come back after the things I said to you, but I want to make amends. Tell me how to fix this."

"Come back to the inn with me," Jaskier breathes, "I'll talk to the innkeeper, get you a room - or you could stay with me?" he's still a little hesitant, but this is Geralt. "We can talk about what comes next after a bath and some supper."

"Will you join me?"

"In the bath?" Jaskier stutters and he can see the flush that creeps across Geralt's cheeks.

"I didn't mean -" he starts, before glancing down at Jaskier's muddy trousers. "But if you want-?" Jaskier barely remembers to breathe, but he settles himself.

"Supper first," he says, "then we'll see about a bath." Jaskier smiles at him and Geralt smiles back, and for the first time in a long time, he finds himself looking forward to whatever comes after.

#geraskier #post-mountain #rex writes

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violettelueur · 3 years

Text

— JUJUTSU KAISEN EPISODE SIXTEEN || KYOTO SISTER SCHOOL EXCHANGE EVENT - GROUP BATTLE 2

↳ featuring : basically everyone at this point from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : mention of explosions + EXTREME grammar issues

↳ form : story

↳ published : 29 march

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ word count : 2.2k

↳ synopsis : within the jujutsu world, there were three famous clans to be aware of, the Kamo clan, Zenin clan and the Gojo clan. However, unknown to many sorcerers there was one last family that was known to be apart of the three, only for them to disappear after the golden era leading some to speculate that they had died in battle after the sealing of ryomen sukuna, but....

↳ previous episode : kyoto sister school exchange event - group battle 1

↳ next episode : kyoto sister school exchange event - group battle 3

↳ barista’s notes : it’s been a while huh? ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ BUT! my exams and easter hoilday is nearly here, so i will be able to update more than i have been this month, so thank you all so much for being so patient with me ʕ•ᴥ•ʔﾉ♡ my heart can’t take all the kindness ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ other than that, i hope you all enjoy today’s episode since fushiugro doesn’t pop up until like episode eighteen...so hope you love all the made up scenarios that i have constructed ʕ￫ᴥ￩　ʔ

BEFORE READING, I NEED YOU TO BE AWARE OF THIS:

1. the whole story belongs to Gege Akutami and the credits go to them and them only.

2. the spell curses used belong to Tite Kubo due to them being the ‘Kidos’ being used on the manga and anime ‘Bleach’ - but none is mentioned in this chapter.

2.5. for the ‘cursed spells’/kidos (bleach) i will link this video here and tell you the time stamp to check out what i am intending to show - remember i add a few twist here and there by adding the katana to link with Y/N’s cursed technique : hopefully this video is slightly better...

no cursed spells used this episode..

but the little sword swing is inspired by this : here

3. if you are confused on anything, please don’t hesitate to message me since i know this whole thing is so confusing.

“What’s with the smiley look on your face?” you asked as you lifted your eyebrow in curiosity since the man in front of you had a somewhat goofy grin plastered on him while adding a ridiculous amount of sugar cubes into his coffee cup causing you to shiver since you couldn’t imagine how sweet the caffeinated drink would be now if you tried it right now.

“Oh, nothing~ I’m just glad that I got to spend time with my daughter since we both have been so busy lately,” Gojo answered you brightly before grabbing the small metal spoon that was placed on the white saucer below his cup to stir the dark drink to quicken the process of the sugar dissolving.

Right now in the afternoon, you and Gojo were at a random luxury dessert place in the middle of Tokyo, where he had unexpectedly dragged you out of training that you had with the first and second years - much to their complete dismay - to have some ‘father and daughter’ bonding time together, leaving them to prepare today’s training by themselves since their plans were ruined with you now gone out of the scenario.

“Please don’t call me that,” you muttered as you processed to swirl your iced orange and mango juice with your straw before taking a quick sip of the cold beverage causing the tropical flavour to enlighten a light feeling of happiness within your stomach.

“So~ how is training for the exchange event going on?” Gojo asked as he took a sip of his cup causing you to look up at him before moving your lips away from the plastic straw. “It’s going well, Fushiguro and Kugisaki are improving bit by bit as well as the second years, it’s progress,” you replied back as your head began to nod slowly as you began to process everything in your head.

“Ah~ I knew I could count on you,” Gojo mentioned with a proud smile present on his face before looking over to the side to find the waiter coming to your table with the desserts that you both had ordered.

‘Well...isn’t it really your job as a teacher to train them?’

“Thank you so much,” you said to the waiter as they placed down your plates before giving you a nod as they processed to look after the other customers that were also in the cafe right now, leading Gojo to look at the treats in such delight before handing you one of the plates since he was the one that ordered everything - which was a complete surprise since you didn’t think he would remember you liking orange juice at all.

“Here you are! Tiramisu with fresh strawberries on top,” Gojo expressed with an excited tone causing you to look at him with a perplexed expression before slowly peering down at the small white plate that was placed in front of you to only find the mentioned dessert with a small fork right beside it.

“Did...you know I like tiramisu?” you asked bewilderedly since you had never mentioned anything about your favourite treats to Gojo since he was so keen on ordering as quickly as possible the second you both got here, to get the beautiful desserts as early as possible leaving you no room to add what you wanted.

“You were looking at it on the display when we got here, so I thought you wanted to give it a try,” Gojo informed you, leading you to look at him once again in surprise before steadily taking the fork in hand to dig into the treat you were gifted with.

“Thank you,” you mentioned with gratitude before you slowly began to tuck into the meal leaving Gojo to look at you with a smile before changing his gaze towards the sweet treats that were displayed at you both right now before gleefully taking the strawberry shortcake as his first choice.

“Y/N...when the exchange event comes...don’t use your curse technique at all,” Gojo said in a serious tone leading you to look up at your teacher in confusion due to the unexpected change in atmosphere, before sighing since you thought it was common knowledge by now and there was no need for him to remind you.

“You don’t need to tell me that, I can tell that the Kyoto Principal is coming to be watching, right?” you rhetorically asked as you slightly tilted your head to the side, “you don’t have to worry about anything, I ain’t that stupid, besides...the Kyoto students from what I’ve seen are real drags,”

ꕥ

‘I swear I feel like using a curse spell right now’

At this current moment in time, you were in a somewhat difficult situation as you were rapidly zooming past the forest trees that were surrounding you while continuously avoided the arrows that were coming towards your way as some flew right past you while others struck the tree trucks that were somewhat protecting you from them, leaving you with the job to find an escape route since you were still trying to find clues of the mole that Gojo mentioned to you before the Exchange Event started as well as the second-grade curse that was needed to be exorcised to end the first day of the two-day event.

Shifting your eyes to the side, you noticed Fushiguro running in the same direction as you as he needed to keep up with you to make sure that you were safe and there was a way to help you avoid attacking your opponent right now since that was a new rule implemented to keep the game fair. However, with the abandonment of the use of your curse technique, Fushiguro needed to make sure he could defend you and have your back right now.

Quickly, you turned your head back to face forwards to ensure that you didn’t bump into anything or tripped up anywhere since you still had no idea where you were heading right now. From what you could recall, the area that was mapped out to the event’s arena was quite vast and it was getting somewhat difficult for you to sense everyone’s cursed energy since they were all now scattered in different directions with different distances leading your sense on them to become disorganised around you causing some difficulty to sense the curse you needed to locate for.

During this train of thought, Fushiguro couldn’t help but notice a few odd but small objects flowing through the air in front of both of you and him, causing the erratic-haired sorcerer to slightly tense up since he wasn’t sure what they were but also knew he couldn’t act too careless right now since it could be a trap that was set by the Kyoto side. However, as you both continued to sprint forward, those same small objects gilded right past between both of you and Fushiguro causing him to able to identify what they were.

‘Flower petals?’ Fushiguro thought before noticing how a few more pink petals would flow between you and him causing the shikigami user to look at you in confusion (since it was summer meaning there was no way they were just in bloom) as a few more of them gracefully fluttered past you which lead Fushiguro to slowly remember something, yet it was blurry in his mind right now. However, before his mind could even process anything to clear up the blurry image, you swiftly raised your arm to unexpectedly grab a few of the pink petals causing him to snap out of his daze before you left him more perplexed about what you were planning.

“Gojo, what are you going to do?” Fushiguro questioned, as he slyly noticed how your grip on the petals began to tighten before a small smile graced itself upon your face.

“Right now, let’s just say I ain’t planning to follow the rules if he keeps attacking me!” you answered back in a loud tone causing the grade-two sorcerer to glance at you with widened eyes as he wanted to halt you from what you were organising to do. Although, it seemed like it was too late since your hand opened slowly to release the pink flower petals back into the air before you took hold of his sleeve to pull him further so you both can take a long distance away from the same petals right now.

Suddenly, another arrow appeared from the trees as it was making its way towards you both leading you to smirk slightly as you let out of your classmate’s sleeve to take a hold of your katana that was still within its wooden sheathe as you needed to prepare for what was about to commence.

As the arrow drew closer and closer to you and Fushiguro, it couldn’t help but slightly grazed its sharp metal tip on one of the rosy coloured petals causing a sudden large explosion to commence right above you and Fushiguro while the other petals began to follow due to the first explosion’s residue hitting them as well leading to a row of large explosions to employ to which caused Fushiguro to look at the scene in complete shock before noticing how you were beginning to casually unsheathe your katana from its metal hold.

“You see, if I follow the rules, there is no way of telling them to stay the hell away from me,” you muttered, as you spun around to face the opposite direction before fully swinging your sword sideways leading to a crescent wave of cursed energy to speedily manifest as it flew across the whole woods while somewhat clearing the fiery explosion that was already enough to keep Kamo in place for some time leading Fushiguro to inspect the destructive site in complete surprise since he had no idea that you were able to carry out such an attack. However, it seemed like there was no more time to admire your work as you gripped onto his school jacket’s sleeve, once again, as you had already turned back around to continue running to god knows where.

‘Maybe I went a little overboard…’

ꕥ

“What was that?” Nishimiya asked in slight fear, as she peered in the direction on where the unexpected explosions had occurred while noticing how some of the trees were suddenly on fire while others just seemed to be missing leading Kugisaki, Panda and Mechamaru (who were down below on the ground) to look towards the direction where they hear the destruction.

“Woah,” Kugisaki muttered in awe since she had a slight feeling that it was you, who caused the mass destruction just seconds ago.

“Well, it seems like we don’t have to worry about Gojo,” Panda mentioned to his lower classmate before he swiftly got back up on his feet to attack Mechamaru by launching a punch into the robot’s face causing Kugisaki to turn to him in shock since she thought he was still unconscious.

‘Yeah, I don’t have to ever worry about her’ Kugisaki thought confidently before turning towards her opponent with an annoyed look on her face.

ꕥ

“She can do that with flower petals?!” Utahime screamed in shock as she peered at the screen that was now just a pure full screen of static leading her to nearly drop her cup of tea, while Gojo looked at the same screen in slight surprise before he began to giggle while processing to remove his hands that were resting behind his head in amusement of what he had just witnessed from you.

“Awhhh so pretty~” Gojo commented as he clapped his hands like he was applauding you, leading Utahime to turn her gaze towards him in an irritated manner.

‘You love to keep surprising me, don’t you Y/N?’

“And that’s one bird down! Mei-san, is it possible to get another?” Gojo questioned as he peered back to his colleague causing her to giggle slightly as she opened her eyes again.

“Just who did you take in Gojo? You have a good eye if you decided to take her as your daughter, how much did you pay for her?” Mei replied, only for Gojo to look at her with a cheeky smile.

“Nothing, absolutely zero yen! I got her by pure chance, don’t tell me you’re planning to take her away from me, Mei-san?” Gojo jokingly commented back, before turning his sights on the Kyoto Principal, who seemed to be somewhat shocked at the current events that were transpiring on, but managed to maintain his composure leading to the strongest sorcerer to turn back to the other multitude of screens that were in front of him right now, like he was at the cinema watching an action movie.

‘The Kyoto student from what I’ve seen are real drags’

“That’s a bit harsh and violent from those said ‘drags’, don’t you think Y/N?” Gojo muttered under his breath as he waited for another crow to replace the one you had destroyed earlier.

‘At this rate, she won’t be able to track down the mole if Kamo is going to keep attacking her...oh well~ she’s a smart person, she’ll figure it out without even facing them’

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tteokdoroki · 3 years

Text

broken beauty | k.bakugou

⇝ pairing: katsuki bakugou x fem!reader.

⇝ word count: 2.1K

⇝ rating: for everyone.

⇝ genre: pro hero!au, model!au, angst.

⇝ summary: katsuki bakugou had never given you a reason to feel insecure, but when the distance between your worlds finally dawns on you, you feel yourself begin to break.

⇝ warning(s): please read ! heavy angst, no happy ending, mentions of insecurity, self doubt, emotional distress and bakugou cursing again.

⇝ author’s note(s): hello everyone, i hope you’re all doing well and keeping safe during this time, this one-shot is a request from @yourlocalbabybird !!! i hope the angst is heavy enough for you heh, i tried my best so i hope you enjoy. thank you for all the love on my blog. also i tried a new banner style which i like a lot :(

with everything going on recently i’ve found this carrd to help us all stay educated and mindful of others <3

⇝ masterlist | requests

bakugou had never given you a reason to feel insecure.

through your entire relationship, all you’d ever received from him was love— while it might not have been through grandest if gestures and shouting it from the rooftops, he showed you through lingering touches, soft kisses— dates on the rooftop and under the sunrise with hazy eyes and linked fingers. you were his world and he was yours, no relationship you’d ever had, felt as tight and secure as the one yourself and katsuki shared.

but that didn’t mean, you didn’t feel insecure by your own accord.

‘it’s just a modelling gig, nothing more, nothing less.’ is what you have to remind yourself while you sit behind the scenes on the set of bakugou’s latest shoot. your boyfriend is not a model per say, but fashion designers love a pro hero with good looks and a popular rank amongst the people; not only does it boost their brand but it’s often a good PR move on behalf of the heroes. a win win situation for all, including your boyfriend. bakugou is hot, you know that, he knows it and god so does the rest of japan— so it’s only natural that the top brands would want him splayed out on the cover of next month’s vogue magazine.

you’re proud of him, really, with your boyfriend right on track to become the next number two— you’re happy that he’s got the chance to experience an opportunity like this...but you can’t help but watch with burning eyes and a strained heart as he poses for the camera with her. ochako uraraka is no more of a model than your precious katsuki; but she is also sweet, gorgeous and a pro hero like himself. and unlike you, they had known each other since high school, being on the same hero course and all— but being a hero wasn’t an option for you, growing up quirkless you had forced you to choose a quieter route in life and whereby you opened up your own little cafe, so it was by chance that you’d even met your boyfriend.

everything was by chance. meeting bakugou, falling for bakugou, loving bakugou. but the world would never know of you, having a quirkless girlfriend could severely damage your lover’s reputation and rank on the charts— so of course, ochako would have been the next best choice to replace you by his side on the cover.

at the time, when plans for the shoot had first been revealed, you had been okay with it. bakugou had made sure of that, he would never do anything you weren’t comfortable with or that exceeded the bounds of your relationship, and the fairytale theme certainly didn’t bother you back then. but now; upon seeing the shirtless dragon king and barley clothed princess set up they had going for the two, you fee bile rise up in your throat and uncomfortable churning in your stomach— a sense of jealousy directing itself at the girl who had her hands all over your boyfriend, merely for the purpose of a photoshoot.

you hate the way they look at each other, as if they belong together— ‘it’s just acting.’ you tell yourself as bakugou lifts the brunette into his arms behind the camera, her dainty fingers splayed out against the caramel of his chest and the look in her eyes writes words of love. you shouldn’t be mad, upset or angry. it’s just his job, but you can’t help but feel that maybe bakugou would be better off with her instead of you.

ochako and bakugou, yn and bakugou. your mind had made itself up, it knew which one sounded better—the one where you weren’t included. the two would make sense together, both stunning pro heroes on the way to becoming the top, while you were just an ordinary girl with an ordinary life. clutching at your chest, you give bakugou a weak smile while he waves to you between pictures, blinking away tears you didn’t realise had formed.

“okay,” the shoot director claps, fixing the cape drapes neatly across the blonde’s shoulders. “i want you guys to look at each other; like you’re about to kiss— can you do that? and it’ll be the last shot for the day.”

your heartbeat stops in its tracks while blood rushes through your ears, the sound tuning everything out but that of katsuki’s voice. “i think we can do that.” is all you manage to make out before you jump to your feet and make a dash for the bathroom. you can no longer take being in a room with them both, the insecurities in your mind eating you alive.

you don’t bother to look back when you hear bakugou call your name, you don’t think you can handle seeing them together for a moment more.

“yn, baby...are you in here?”

chewing on your bottom lip, you do your best not to make a sound as the door to the bathrooms slams open so hard it almost hits the next wall. you knew it’d only be a matter of time before bakugou started searching for you, but then again you’d only been hidden away in the toilet cubicle for about fifteen minutes.

without a response, katsuki starts to check each cubicle next— growing more and more desperate by the second. you know he hates seeing you sad, it lifts your heart, only just, to know that the cares but the way you feel can’t be helped and couldn’t be for the longest time. you paw at your cheeks where tears have seared a pathway down them, trying to cover up any evidence of your emotions as your boyfriend approaches your cubicle.

the explosive blonde stops right outside of yours, his boots appearing in your view just underneath the door. “yn, i know you’re in there,” he mumbles simply after attempting to push open the door, voice so quiet you would have missed him if you weren’t hyper aware of his presence. it’s locked, of course. “come out and let’s talk, yeah?”

“can’t,” you whisper, moving to hug your knees whilst sitting on the toilet seat, as if that’s going to hide you away from the world.

“baby is this about the last shot? i swear i wasn’t thinking about what the director said— just wanted to get us home, you’ve been waiting for me all fuckin’ day...”

you hear bakugou sigh and lean against the door, an attempt to gather his feelings and words before talking again. you hate that you’re so insecure, at no fault of bakugou’s but simply because of your nature— you hate that the way you think could cause such a rift between yourself and the man you love. that’s why you had to do this.

but your lips move before your mind can catch up, whispering the questions that plague your thoughts and make you feel sick to the stomach. “would you have done it? kissed ochako for the shoot if i hadn’t been there?” the raging green of jealousy and fear swirl in the depths of your head, practically swallowing you whole throughout katsuki’s silence. was she prettier than you? did he like her too?

“fuck no... baby, god no—where is all of this coming from?”

you ignore his question and answer with another. “then, are you attracted to her?”

“not in the way that i am to you, yn there’s no one fucking else for me except for you. shit. will you tell me what’s going on now? let me in.” katsuki practically begs through the closed door, you can tell he’s leaning against it from how close he sounds. deep down, you know that everything you say hurts the blonde just as much as it hurts you— you don’t want him to be in pain alone and yet you’re not quite ready to face him. so instead, you slip to the floor and hold your hand out from underneath the door, waiting for your lover to take it. it’s not long before your palm is engulfed by a familiar hold and sense of warmth, and you almost smile at how quickly the pro is to grab your hand. “please come out, honey bear. tell me what you’re feeling. is it ‘cause of the shoot?”

you shake your head once before realising he can’t see you and squeeze his hand instead— milking the silence for a moment more, in order to think. to think about how you’re going to tell your charming, wonderful, amazing boyfriend that you can’t be his girlfriend anymore. that you’re from two separate worlds, in which his beats you down and makes you feel so insecure that you can’t stand back up without his help. how do you tell him without blaming him? how do you try without hurting him? “it wasn’t the shoot, katsu...” you start, that your voice trembles from the get go. it was never about the shoot. “katsu... you know i love you right?”

“of course, i love you too.” i hope you do.

“then, please understand...” i’m sorry.

“understand what, yn?” that i can’t stay.

“please understand why i can’t be with you anymore.” you breathe, leaning back against the cubicle wall as the sob that’s been building up in your chest finally breaks free.

for a second, you think bakugou will yank his hand away, tell you that he’s relieved and leave you there heart broken but to your surprise; he grabs onto you tighter— pressing himself against the cubicle even more as if he could phase right through and pull you into his arms. “you want to leave me—?” the explosive hero asks more so to himself than to you and you hate to imagine the pained confusion that now sits heavily in his vermillion eyes. “yn, please wait—“

“katsuki,” you cut him off with a heavy sigh and watery eyes, every fibre in your being is telling you not to do this— but for the sake of both you and your lover, you really have no choice. you need to get better, you want to start feeling good about yourself again but to do that you need to let go of him and your relationship so you have room to grow. “baby, i just want you to know that you’ve never done anything to make me insecure about this relationship or about myself; but when it does happen— when i do get insecure...i feel myself begining to break...” you turn your head to press it against the door; feeling bakugou’s warmth radiate through it. “we’re from two different worlds, katsu; and i simply don’t have a place in yours... you’re a pro hero and i’m the quirkless bland girlfriend who can’t be seen with you because of who you are—“

this time, the blonde interjects— slamming his fist against the door so hard that it makes you jump. “then...then fuckin’ be seen with me, i don’t give a crap about what my publicist says. not when you feel like that about yourself,” you see bakugou’s resolve crumbing even when you physically can’t. you don’t know what hurts more. “i need you here, with me, please—“

another squeeze to your hand, another silent plea. “katsuki, i’m so tired of looking down on myself too, i don’t want to feel bad because of the worlds we’re in and who we are but...” you falter as you hear you boyfriend finally crack through the shaky breaths he exhales on the other side. “but, i need to get better, for me, for both of us...i have to let us go.”

silence crackles through the air in the bathroom, heavy with pain unlike the usual comfortable ones you share together— where nothing else matters on the world aside from the love you have together. prying your hand from bakugou’s death grip, you stand up to wipe at your tears stained cheeks and sore eyes before unlocking the door to your cubicle. the blonde sits on the floor opposite you, still in the outfit the stylists had spent ages dressing him in hours before. only this time he’s there with a dark storm cloud sitting heavily over his precious heart.

vermillion eyes find yours, tired and broken beyond belief and you figure that you probably look the same. but still, bakugou smiles and opens his arms out for to ease your way into. “you’ll come back to me, right?” he almost whimpers when you finally relax into his chest, clinging onto his arms as if he’ll disappear. you know he understands, he doesn’t want to see you suffer anymore.

“i always will.”

you don’t know how long you spend holding each other from that moment on, in a quietness that speaks volumes of goodbyes and i love yous. all you know, is that your heart will always belong to katsuki bakugou long after this day; a broken beauty and all.

some more helpful links about recent events:

educate yourself carrd

issues going on in the world carrd

blm carrd

2K notes · View notes

cheri-translates · 3 years

Text

[CN] Gavin’s Spreading Wings Date

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 展翼之约, which has not been released in EN! 🍒

It is very important to read his birthday R&S before this!

[ This was released on 24 July 2021 ]

[ PROLOGUE ]

While heading home after work, I receive a call from Eli.

I’m guessing there’s information regarding the matter I asked of him from before.

MC: Hello? Captain Eli? Since you suddenly called, does this mean there’s a solution to what I asked about the other time?

Eli: That’s right. I personally made a trip to the municipal administration last week and retrieved the item for you. I’ve already asked City Express to send it over to you.

MC: That’s great! Thanks, Captain Eli!

Eli: It’s no problem. Although it took a little effort, it was retrieved eventually.

MC: I really have to thank Captain Eli. This item is pretty important to me, so you’ve helped me out big time.

Eli: Ah, it’s nothing. Oh yes, the STF is leaving tonight. Gavin just left the bureau and should be heading towards your place now. I shan’t disturb the both of you. I’ll hang up now. Watch out for the delivery.

MC: Mm, I’ve got it. I’ve troubled Captain Eli this time. When our TV station has a matchmaking show in the future, I’ll definitely recommend you!

I hang up. Sure enough, I receive a parcel from the STF not long after reaching home.

Tearing open the packaging, I see a dark coloured square box with the municipal administration’s logo engraved on it.

After removing the cover, a badge sits quietly among the flannel.

A cold light glints on the surface of the coiled design. The flag and peace dove clearly declare the rules of justice and protection.

It silently conveys a certain dignity that can make one hold their breath.

During an awards ceremony organised by the municipal government a few months ago, Gavin wasn’t able to attend in person. As a result, they didn’t manage to give him an honorary badge.

Although the municipal administration made several calls, the STF has been busy with missions, and Gavin hasn’t had the time to collect it.

This matter is something which I’ve always kept in my heart.

I feel that this honour, which represents an “acknowledgement”, shouldn’t be treated so flippantly and hastily.

Hence, while preparing for Gavin’s birthday, I asked Eli way in advance to retrieve this from the municipal administration using the name of STF.

This is an “acknowledgement” which belongs to him, and I wish to hand it to him personally.

All of a sudden, there are knocks at the door. Knowing that the person outside is Gavin, I quickly hide the badge and the box into a cupboard before opening the door.

Then, the person outside wraps me in a full embrace. His scent overtakes my senses.

MC: Are you leaving tonight?

Gavin responds with a “mm”. After nuzzling his head gently in the crook of my neck, he releases his hold on me.

In the short span of half a minute, he seems to have already derived all the strength he needs, and the light in his eyes is very bright.

MC: There’s no need to worry about me, but you have to take care of your safety.

Gavin: I’ll do my best to rush back. Don't worry.

The both of us speak at the same time. Gavin can’t help but laugh. Taking my hand, he pulls me outside.

Gavin: Let’s go and have dinner. We’ll eat outside today.

MC: Okay!

Walking along the street, I look at Gavin’s calm and resolute figure. Recalling the badge which is sitting quietly at home, I secretly purse my lips into a smile.

This year, my birthday plan is a secret which Gavin doesn’t know about. I’m looking forward to the day the secret is revealed, along with his reactions.

[ DATE ]

The faraway snow-capped mountains are reminiscent of a fog coloured outline. They stand at the end of the horizon, faraway and reticent.

On a road not too far from the border, I disembark from the car, standing underneath a street sign while staring ahead.

Approximately half a month ago, Gavin was sent to this city for a mission. Today is the day he wraps up the mission.

It’s also his birthday.

At this moment, my phone rings. I answer it quickly.

Eli: MC, have you reached the location I gave you?

MC: Mm, I’ve reached. Captain Eli, when will you guys be dismissed?

Eli: We’ve already been dismissed and are heading your way. Just stay where you are, and you’ll definitely cross paths with Gavin. Don’t worry.

MC: That’s great. I’ll thank Captain Eli in advance then~

After hanging up, I tap open my memo and verify its contents once more.

MC: The aviation park, guesthouse, cake, and presents. Mm, no problem at all!

I turn my phone off, thinking about how aside from celebrating Gavin’s birthday, I’m also shouldering a very “heavy responsibility”.

Since Gavin wasn’t personally present for the awards ceremony conducted by the municipal government, there’s a medal which has yet to be given to him.

After learning about this piece of news not too long ago, I’ve remembered it in my heart, and specially asked Eli to retrieve this medal from the municipal government in the name of STF.

With a really huge and hidden personal motive, I wish to personally hand this important honour to Gavin on this most special day.

The sudden chirping of birds pulls my train of thought back to reality.

I look at the time. It’s still very early, and the first glimmer of light has just appeared in the sky.

After waiting for a while longer, I spot a group of uniformed men appearing at the end of the road. My heart, which had been dangling in the air, immediately settles.

The person leading the group is wearing a combat uniform. Strands of brown hair curl up in the breeze, and he currently has his head turned towards a squad mate behind him as he says something.

Although they appear to have experienced a fierce battle, the atmosphere is very light-hearted.

Looks like this mission successfully reached its end.

Likely sensing my gaze, he suddenly turns his head, staring afar off towards my direction.

After he getting a clear view of my figure, those amber eyes suddenly freeze. The strands atop his head curl up in a silly manner, as though he doesn’t know how to react.

The early morning mist has not yet dissipated. The world is enveloped in a tender and pale greenish blue, and the chirping of birds occasionally grows faint and near.

The whirring of a helicopter drifts from overhead as it circles in the sky. It’s the aircraft which is here to send them back.

Seeing that Gavin is slightly at a loss, I can’t help but chuckle, waving at him.

Gavin immediately walks over to me, his pace much faster than before. The squad mates follow behind him in a leisurely manner, not planning to disrupt this early morning meeting.

Gavin stands in front of me. He sweeps a glance over my white denim jacket, his gaze a little astonished.

MC: How is it? Does it look good?

Gavin nods, responding in a straightforward manner.

Gavin: Looks good.

MC: I specially prepared a matching set~

While speaking, I pass him the bag in my hands. Gavin receives it and takes a look. With a chuckle, he puts on the exact same jacket deftly.

Although it’s just a simple white demin jacket, it makes him look refreshed and cool.

The early morning mist dyes his eyes, giving them a tender coolness. When his eyes meet mine, they instantly melt into a warm gaze.

At this point, Eli and other squad mates walk over as well. A rope ladder descends from the helicopter, and Eli arches a brow at us.

Eli: This rascal was so anxious to see you that he almost flew back to Loveland City directly. This is good. He doesn't have to fly now.

He pats Gavin on the shoulder.

Eli: Captain Gavin, enjoy your birthday vacation. We brothers will head off first.

One by one, they climb up the rope ladder and board the helicopter. Tang Chao whistles, and he’s grabbed through the hatch by Eli.

Gavin doesn’t bother about them. He removes his half finger gloves, revealing his dry yet soft finger pads. He entwines all ten fingers with mine.

He lifts his eyes to look at me, and they are filled with an insuppressible brightness. He asks a question that he clearly knows the answer to.

Gavin: Why did you come here?

The helicopter circles into the distance, accompanied by a deafening roar. I grin while bringing my left hand to my mouth, curving it into the shape of a trumpet.

MC: It’s clearly to... wish you a happy birthday!

The public bus brings us to the entrance of a park in the outskirts of the city. I pull Gavin off the bus, and we stand at the entrance of the park together.

Turning my head, I scrape Gavin’s palm.

MC: May I know if Mr Birthday Boy is ready to spend a day of surprises with me?

The hand that’s intertwined with Gavin’s moves forward decisively. The smile in his voice is unambiguously clear.

Gavin: Of course.

When I was planning the birthday route a few days ago, I unintentionally chanced upon information pertaining to this park.

As compared to other parks, there doesn’t seem to be anything special about this aviation park.

It’s just another slow-paced venue to relax in within the city. It has a pond which can’t be considered large, and a few willow trees grow along it.

Magazines are displayed on the counter of a small stall, and a child is standing on his tiptoes, selecting a popsicle from the freezer beside it.

If I had to mention the biggest difference, it would be that this park was transformed from an airbase.

In order to remember that it was once an airbase, there’s a white statute of an aircraft in the middle of the park.

Similarly, in order to be in line with the theme of “aviation”, all the shops in the park display miniature aircraft models.

Akin to colourful birds, they carry a yearning for the unconstrained sky.

Perhaps due to it being the summer vacation, a teacher has brought children to visit this ex-airbase.

The children wear yellow hats while chattering away. They surround the aircraft models, debating on which one looks the best.

Gavin and I walk along the shade of trees unhurriedly. When passing by the aircraft statue, he suddenly asks me a question.

Gavin: Did you bring me here because this used to be an airbase?

His gaze flits past the aircraft statue, then pauses on my face.

I nod in acknowledgement.

MC: I heard that this used to be one of the first airbases. In the past, many aircrafts were studied here. It’s a place with lots of commemorative value, and bears the weight of the years when people headed into the sky. Since I’m celebrating your birthday in this city, I felt that I should pick a location which is slightly more special. Otherwise, it wouldn’t leave much of an impression when we recollect it in the future.

Gavin chuckles, then reaches out to pinch my face.

Gavin: Seeing you appear early in the morning while dismissing the squad was already enough to leave a deep impression on me.

I laugh in embarrassment, then continue the earlier topic.

MC: But the airbase is only half of the reason.

I pause, my sentence ending on an upward lilt.

MC: There’s another half.

Gavin arches his brows, as though wondering what other surprises I could have hidden in this small park.

Tugging on his hand, we turn into a small path on the left, a confident smile on my face.

MC: Come with me.

The small path extends forward, and the sound of our footsteps mingles with the rustling of leaves.

After making a turn, everything becomes clear.

Before us, there’s a spacious and empty patch of land. Green grass grows wildly, covering the runway which was once used for aircrafts.

The wreckage of a plane remains on the ground, the rust on its body akin to a brown coloured decorative pattern.

Everything reveals the creases of time, but certain lingering aspirations can still be felt from it.

Gavin: Is this the other half of the reason?

He looks at me, his brows arched slightly.

MC: This was the original location of the airbase. I heard that this abandoned plane used to have the most excellent workmanship. I felt that if you knew about such a place, you’d want to take a look. Also, this is quite a nice place for a hidden scenery~

Gavin suddenly reaches out to brush dust off the body of the aircraft, revealing a series of numbers.

Gavin: Y2251. This used to be an air freighter.

Gavin pauses for a moment. As though he grasped at a fragment from his memories, his eyelashes stir gently in slight disbelief.

Gavin: A very long time ago, I made an aircraft model. This was the aircraft I referenced and modelled it after.

MC: ?!

I’m stunned for half a second. When I see myself in Gavin’s calm and composed eyes, I can’t help but chuckle.

MC: I suddenly feel as though this world might actually operate in a circle. We might move and turn around, but there will come a day when we become part of the circle.

Gavin responds with a “mm”. He gazes fixedly at the set of numbers, as though patching up fragments of memories bit by bit.

Gavin: I used it to participate in a competition and won a prize. Back then, the officer who gave out the award came from this base.

MC: What kind of a competition was it?

Gavin: An aeromodelling competition. The prize was a small aviator badge.

We walk past the propeller of the aircraft wreckage with very light footsteps.

In my mind, a face even younger than the one right now surfaces before my eyes, along with a pair of clear amber eyes.

MC: Wow, that sounds really incredible!

I suddenly see the introductory plate next to the plane, which has a picture of how it formally looked like.

Smooth contours, blue wings, floating cloud patterns on its tail... just like a beautiful flying bird.

MC: How pretty. When you referenced this plane, did you make an exact replica?

Gavin nods. He looks at the plate, his gaze very serious.

Gavin: It was more or less the same as this.

He hesitates slightly, then adds on.

Gavin: Erm... it didn’t look as good. But it was very practical and could fly.

He gestures with his hands, pointing towards a faraway ginkgo tree.

Gavin: Around here to over there - the distance of half a field.

We walk over to that ginkgo tree. Its leaves are luxuriant as it stands next to the side gate of the park.

Since it’s summer, the leaves are lush and green.

A swing is swaying gently and quietly under the tree, and a few ginkgo leaves have fallen onto the wooden seat.

Tugging Gavin over to the swing, we continue our earlier conversation.

MC: We probably walked around 500 metres to get here. An aircraft model which is able to fly 500 metres is so incredible! You must have really liked it in the past in order to do such an amazing job.

Gavin holds the rope of the swing. He nods after hearing this, and his voice is certain.

Gavin: I did like it very much.

Seeing from my expression that I’m about to burst from curiosity, he can’t help but chuckle before going along with me and speaking.

Gavin: Back then, I bought many atlases related to planes. While studying them slowly, I conducted test flights too. I spent almost half of my summer vacation on this. Although the process was very fulfilling, there were times when I faced setbacks. Once, I got into a huff and tossed all the spare parts into my drawer and went to bed.

MC: What happened next?

A nostalgic smile flashes in Gavin’s eyes.

Gavin: I couldn’t fall asleep, so I got up and took all of them out of the drawer. I fumbled around and managed to construct the extending and retracting mechanism of the wings. The next day, I slept till late in the afternoon... My mom didn’t wake me up.

MC: Pfft.

I can almost envision a youth who is sound asleep under the covers, a prototype plane laying quietly on the table.

A breeze enters through the curtains. It’s tender and light-hearted.

MC: Looks like it really isn’t easy to construct an aircraft model successfully.

I’m a little awed.

MC: I remember when we were doing handicrafts in school, the teacher would always say that the final step is to engrave our names as a marker. If I were you, I’d definitely paint my own name at the most conspicuous spot, and tell everyone how incredible I am.

Gavin gives this some thought before he shakes his head.

Gavin: I didn’t engrave my name back then. It was on the small aviator badge, but it got lost after I sent it to my father’s squad.

The way he says this so naturally causes my slightly flinched expression to reveal complicated emotions.

Gavin: Now that I think about it, it wasn’t anything special.

He chuckles, his tone as light as a breeze.

Gavin: They’re all in the past.

He narrates this calmly, as though these memories have long since been shut behind a dusty door.

I think of a 14 year old Gavin. I think of that aircraft model he made personally. I think of the past he had to experience...

A sense of discontent rises from my heart, and I wish to smoothen these regrets.

I stand up, and Gavin lifts his head towards me in slight puzzlement.

Gavin: What’s wrong?

MC: How could we not eat popsicles in a park during summer? I saw a stall selling popsicles earlier. I’ll buy two sticks.

Gavin nods. Just as he’s about to stand up and follow me, I press him back onto the swing.

MC: I’ll buy it. You can just wait for me here.

Gavin arches his brows slightly as he looks at me. As though seeing through my thoughts, he nods.

MC: What flavour do you want?

Gavin: I’ll go with whatever you like.

I nod. Just as I prepare to leave, someone grips my fingers.

I turn around to see that Gavin is looking at me.

Gavin: Be safe.

After a pause, he continues.

Gavin: I’ll be waiting for you here.

MC: Mm, I’ve got it.

I nod, giving him a smile.

I’m standing at a shop near the entrance of the park. Numerous aircraft models of various styles are displayed on the counter.

However, I instantly spot one particular style exhibited in the middle. With its white body and blue wings, it looks exactly like the plane in the original picture from earlier.

When the boss sees me staring at it, he enthusiastically introduces it to me from the side.

Boss: This is a bestseller from our shop. It’s a replica of the plane in the park, built in a 1:400 ratio. This is the only piece left today.

Without hesitation, I purchase it.

Even before waiting for the boss to package it in a box, I pick up the miniature plane and store it into my bag. Then, I quickly jog into the park.

When I hurriedly weave through the crowd and make a turn at the small path, I suddenly halt in my footsteps when I spot Gavin.

He’s sitting on the swing in the park, sunlight from the summer afternoon filtering through the crevices of leaves and descending on him in specks.

A few ginkgo leaves have fallen, scattering at his feet. A few bellflowers are suddenly blown by the wind, releasing a clear and rippling sound.

Gavin watches the bellflowers quietly, and all his sharpness has been retracted.

In an instant, along with the descending ginkgo leaves, I think I see the youth who is encased and hidden by layers of solid armour.

It’s as though he has found a wound which has yet to heal completely but was forgotten with time. When he faces that scar, he waits in quiet solitude.

Akin to an instinctive reaction, I sprint towards him and take his hand.

The moment Gavin lifts his head and looks at me, I see brilliant rays lighting up his eyes.

It seems that he has grown accustomed to waiting. But this time, the person he’s waiting for has arrived as planned.

MC: Sorry, I had to queue for a long time to get the popsicles.

Gavin shakes his head, his brows arched into a smile.

Gavin: It wasn’t very long.

I stretch out my hand, waving the two popsicle sticks in my hand.

MC: Here. The other flavours were sold out, so there’s only lychee left. Give it a try.

Gavin takes one stick. I sit beside him and take a bite of the popsicle, the clear and sweet taste spreading from the tip of my tongue.

I turn my head and ask Gavin a question.

MC: Why aren’t you asking me about what gifts I prepared for you this year?

Gavin: If I said that your appearance here is already the best gift, you definitely wouldn’t be satisfied with this response.

He pauses, his tone bringing with it an unhurried upward lilt.

Gavin: So... what did you prepare for me this year?

Heading out of the park via the side gate, we make a turn at a sloping path. In front, there’s a pretty large lake.

The source of water from this lake comes from the faraway snow-capped mountains. Since there aren’t many tourists, the water in the lake is clean and pure blue.

This patch of blue is reminiscent of a gigantic jewel. It’s deep and tender, adding radiance and beauty to the snow-capped mountain, as though extending to the horizon.

There’s a tranquil guesthouse next to the lake. Gavin and I push open the gate of the courtyard together.

There’s a gigantic tree in the courtyard. July happens to be its flowering season, and the tree is layered with cloud-like petals.

I guide Gavin to the second storey. After lifting the portiere made of colourful cloth, a meticulously decorated room appears before our eyes.

Sprigs of a blossoming plant have been inserted into a vase, and a simple and unsophisticated wind chime hangs by the window.

A birthday cake stored in a transparent box is displayed on the table, and there’s a blue ribbon on it which has been tied into a bow.

Ever since we entered, I've been secretly observing Gavin’s reaction, wanting to know if he fancies such a surprise.

He doesn’t say anything. He simply looks at everything quietly, as though he doesn’t want to miss out on anything.

Then, he walks over to the window, fiddling with the wind chime gently. He sits at the edge of the window casually, and stretches out his hand towards me.

Understanding this immediately, I walk over, placing my hand in his unfurled palm. Sunlight from outside the window envelops this square inch world, and it is tender and tranquil.

Gavin: A very long time ago, somebody told me that I can’t be unhappy on my birthday.

Gavin: Because this day doesn’t just belong to me. It also belongs to everyone who loves me, and the people who have prepared and looked forward to this day for a very long time.

Gavin: Celebrating my birthday with you for the fourth time, I think I truly understand the meaning in those words.

He lifts his eyes, looking at me quietly.

Gavin: I’m very happy. Not because it’s my birthday, but because there’s someone who wishes for me to be happy.

The wind chime that I hung up at the window jingles, akin to a song with an unknown melody.

I had prepared many, many things that I wanted to tell him at this moment. But right now, I swallow these words back.

MC: The person who told you that must have been looking forward to this day very much, just like me. Looking forward to giving you well wishes, and looking forward to you being happy because of the surprises I prepared.

I wink.

MC: Since the atmosphere is just right, it’s time to unwrap your gift.

Very carefully, I retrieve the miniature plane that I purchased earlier from my bag, handing it to Gavin under his watchful gaze.

MC: This aircraft model is a belated gift from MC to 14 year old Gavin. I hope he remembers to engrave his name on it when he receives the gift.

Gavin brushes the body of the plane with a finger pad. He suddenly releases a muffled chuckle, then reaches out to draw me into his arms.

His voice enters my ear, mingling with the rustling of leaves outside the window. It’s very soft, and very close by.

Gavin: If 14 year old Gavin received this gift, he’d have definitely remembered to say thank you on that day.

I wrap my arms around his waist, feeling our overlapping breaths in this moment. After a long time passes, I speak up.

MC: Each time I celebrated my birthday when I was small, I always loved to make many wishes.

MC: Thinking back, many of those wishes were really childish and even greedy.

MC: After growing up, I experienced many regrets, and faced many situations where I had to compromise and give up.

MC: Gradually, my birthday wishes became smaller and simpler. It’s as if I no longer had the same courage as before.

MC: But you’re different. No matter what I want, you’ve always been willing to fulfil them all.

MC: You made me realise that if I’m properly loved by someone, my wishes can be fulfilled no matter how childish they are.

MC: So no matter what Little Gav’s wishes are, I want to fulfil them for him.

Gavin embraces me, and he doesn’t say anything for a long time.

I pat him on the back gently, chuckling as I continue speaking.

MC: Okay, since Little Gav’s present has already been received, it’s time for yours.

I leave from Gavin’s arms, reaching out to cover his eyes. His eyelashes flutter in my palm, and it’s ticklish.

MC: You’re not allowed to open your eyes in secret.

With the greatest of care, I retrieve the honorary badge belonging to the Commander of STF from my breast pocket, putting it in front of his chest personally.

Gavin doesn’t open his eyes. Rays of sunlight outline his face and figure, immersing his entire self in brightness.

Sunlight lands on the badge, and the golden rays reflected off it give a brief summary of the storms and severe winters in this person’s past.

MC: You didn’t participate in the awards ceremony the previous time, so this medal couldn’t be passed to you. Now, I can finally hand it to its owner.

I observe how it looks on Gavin’s chest, and my voice is very soft.

MC: This is also the most important gift of today.

Gavin: The most important gift?

The entire room is filled with a tender glow. Lifting my head, I meet Gavin’s quiet gaze as he stares at me.

MC: Because I’m a witness to every single reason that resulted in you obtaining it.

I’ve personally witnessed how he has used his own body to block off all sorts of dangers, and can clearly remember how many injuries he has sustained.

But he also experiences pain. When he doesn’t sleep for several days and nights, he also gets fatigued.

It’s only today that I vaguely surmise that the reason why he never mentions anything is because since a very long time ago, he learnt that he shouldn’t anticipate any reciprocation from others.

That aviation badge which was forgotten in a corner had once sustained the weight of a youth’s pure gaze.

Afterwards, it was covered by a thick layer of dust. Nobody held it with a heart filled with anticipation ever again. Just like that, it vanished into the depths of time.

Later on, the youth grew up and decided on a correct flight path. He stepped on dark shadows, walking on the path of justice.

He saved so many people, but the only thing he didn’t know how to do was to allow himself to receive a little reciprocation.

Fortunately, I can now stand before him and take his hand. I can tell him that he has done very well, and that he’s the Gavin I like the most.

I wish to give him the most resolute response.

MC: Gavin, you’re worthy of all the honour. You’re worthy of all the recognition. I... am extremely convinced about this.

After hearing this, Gavin blinks slowly. He lifts his hand and touches the badge on his chest.

I lean forward slightly to take his hand. Looking directly into his eyes, I recite the words that I’ve drafted multiple times in my mind.

MC: There’s someone I’ve known for a really long time.

MC: I’ve seen his valiant and heroic side, and have also seen his fierce and decisive side.

MC: He always doesn’t care about how many injuries he sustains, but gets anxious and blames himself whenever I get hurt.

MC: He has brought me to see many magnificent sights, and enabled me to appreciate many stories that I wouldn’t have been able to experience on my own.

MC: He has handed his gentlest side to me without holding anything back. But he doesn’t ask for me to reciprocate in any way.

MC: I wish to keep looking at him like this.

And I also wish to... have him forever and ever.

A breeze from outside the window brings with it a floral fragrance. I watch as Gavin stares at me without blinking, his gaze blooming with tenderness.

Gavin: MC, I remember everything that we’ve experienced together. These experiences are so wonderful, and they’ve filled this space.

He points at his heart.

Gavin: Because this space is full, I can continue to walk on the path that I want to with resoluteness, and do the things that I want.

He pauses, his tone wilful.

Gavin: I’ve decided on today’s wish.

He draws closer to me, and I'm able to catch a whiff of his breath.

Gavin: MC, you are the one who gave 14 year old me a gift. You are also the one who grabbed the hands of both Gavin from the past and the Gavin of right now.

Gavin: You’re the person I was waiting for.

Gavin: So your wishes are also my wishes.

Gavin: From now onwards, keep looking at me.

A floral fragrance fills the room. I stare into his bright eyes, as feel as though I’m embracing the warmth of an entire midsummer.

✈️ Epilogue: here

✈️ Video call: here

✈️ Phone call: here

✈️ Moments and Text: here

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