#also i will not take arguments about the most crack storyline

[brittie-frog]

I'm so down bad for Maddox and Ashlyn that my three favourite scenes are:

3. The Redlyn breakup - the chillest break up, Red supporting Ashlyn going after Maddox and the most insane storyline of Red realising he's bi because he kisses Seb

2. Just the entirety of Maddox during opening night - having an existential breakdown over your love life that you break the sound controls and then just give up on your stage manager duties and disappear (probably to help quinn)

1. The confession - a scene I want on repeat: the explanations of how afraid they are of how much they like the other then the "should we just stay friends?" Before having such a love induced make out their just completely ignore Carlos being there. (Also Maddison giving up and telling Maddox to stop coming back to her when she clearly likes Ashlyn... my baby just needed that push)

I love all my queer children but these two are the wlw so I love them just slightly more.

#the hilarity of EJ seeing Maddox so focused on Ash that she forgot his question at the end of s3 that he immediately went and #CARVED THEIR NAMES INTO A TREE WITH HEART TO SHOW THEM WHEN THEY FINALLY GOT TOGETHER #i love them all #also i will not take arguments about the most crack storyline #Seb and Red kissing came out of no where and hit me like a metal chair #the french guy not actually being french and liking red felt right in my soul #granted i literally dont remember s2 and barely recognised him nevermind remember anything that happened between him and Ash #and jared(?) was just annoying #he showed up ruined madlyn first kiss admitted he liked carlos and then disappeared #its definitely a season i will rewatch at some point soon maybe as well as season 3 #hsmtmts #high school musical #madlyn #maddox x ashlyn #ashlyn caswell #hsmtmts season 4 #high school musical the musical the series #im sad its the end i wish i could have an entire season of just madlyn fluff #but im happy with two seasons of pinning and a brilliant confession

[1000punks]

okay, so i think i've cracked the code

on why the girls, gays and theys all really like BG3

the short answer is the subversion of toxic gender stereotypes and the more or less relateable themes that each character has come up in game, or are implied, long answer under the cut

lots of people have been posting about individual (main and supporting) character motivations, yes but i haven't really seen any analyses based on gender and/or romance situations quite yet (please feel free to point me to them, i love discourse) as well, i am well aware that the romanceable characters are scare quotes "player-sexual" for the most part, but some elements of the gendered experience may feel more relateable to certain groups of players than others. i'm going to refrain as much as i can from making moral judgements (in terms of motivations and alignments) because all of these characters are morally complex. let's take it on a case by case basis, starting with the women in the game (minthara isn't included since i haven't done a playthrough with her as a companion yet :'D): Karlach

Karlach seems like this huge butch imo, but from what i can see she has to battle with the touch starved-ness. i guess you could make the argument here that that feeds into a stereotype about stone butches, but i think it presents a very relatable (and honest) representation of how a LOT of queer folks, especially queer non-men, deal with being touch starved. i think one thing that potentially a lot of queer women and femme-identifying folks can relate to is the fear of being "imposing" in wlw relationships. for example, i would say the fear of coming off as "creepy" or "dangerous." and inversely, the feeling of relief when you're assured that that isn't the case. the other thing that comes up, i think, with Karlach is that there's this stigma surrounding masculine women. for one, she towers over everyone else, and she's a barbarian. on the surface level, that can be extremely intimidating, obviously. but playing through her romance, understanding that she is capable of and honestly, exudes tenderness -- and the majority of which being without touching/sexuality, is just... it's really important y'all okay? Shadowheart

my personal favourite thing about Shadowheart and her storyline is that even if she appears very feminine, there is no part of the game that i can see (thus far) that has railroaded her into that stereotype. not even with the armour choices. in my file, the armour i've picked for her "end-game" level 12 armour is the shar justiciar armour she gets in the gauntlet. it's not stereotypically feminine at all. historically in video games, armour that covers everything on a woman's body (i will bring this up re: Lae'zel as well) is uhh.. really fuckin hard to find.

the other thing is while she may be very femme-coded, she doesn't necessarily use "stereotypical" seduction methods in her romance scenes. her first one is sharing wine with you and kissing, that's pretty much it, right? and if you call her beautiful, instead of acting coy, she says "i know." and thanks you for noticing. she doesn't need someone to simper over her and tell her that. she's also never shy about telling you exactly what she wants, whether in a romantic or platonic situation. picasso, i like it. Lae'zel

jesus, what can i start with here? this woman is an extremely skilled fighter, wears heavy armour, wields a fucking greatsword that's bigger than she is, all while being like, 5 feet tall. her first romance scene shows me that she is interested in sex but is primarily concerned with her own pleasure (this can be read in a positive or negative way of course: positive being she is getting hers, and negative being not concerned with her partner's pleasure). not only that but she is not interested in having kids at all, based on in-game dialogue. and like i mentioned with shadowheart, her armour (most of the gith armour options you can put her in, i would guess) are full sets of armour - minus the admittedly a little weird lack of butt coverage on most of the gith plate and half-plate that i've seen her in. uhh, yeah- wow. in a romance, it seems like she fits the "shrew" stereotype, but i argue that for lae'zel, it's more about respecting Tav than it is about swooning over them (and knowing that they're passionate). if she doesn't respect Tav, there's no way she's going to share a bed with them, never mind anything else. that to me, shows a woman who has self-respect, which isn't often something shown so strongly in a video game/media in general especially when it's written by men (which is fucking unfortunate!! i hate it!!) i think this is beaten over our heads as players most blatantly when she challenges you to a fucking duel in act 2 and then if Tav wins she boinks them right in the middle of camp. Jaheira

Jaheira is old enough to have adult children, for one. i know she's an elf, and there's some in-game dialogue that alludes to her having extended her lifespan, etc. but for argument's sake, let's say she's middle aged - she is in friggin' top physical condition. and while during the events of bg3 she is a widow, you think that's gonna stop her from meeting her goals? not only that, but her adventures didn't suddenly stop when she became a mother. there's not much of a romance element to her storyline, but she's definitely biffing off a lot of stereotypes about older women and mothers here.

the men - most of my arguments here are going to come back to the utter lack of hypermasculinity/toxic masculinity:

Wyll

he talks about dancing with you in his first romance scene, not seducing you - in fact, he shares a really chaste kiss and then is like "but now isn't the time to jump into bed, actually." he friggin blushes, because thinking about a romance with you gets him all giddy. the man dances for you. then he goddamn proposes to you like a proper gentleman. he is concerned with family. he's concerned with Karlach's well-being. he's concerned with other people's emotions, and is extremely considerate of them. he's pacted with Mizora, not some unseen super masc devil. Mizora the friggin danger femme. lastly, and i think this is really important: Wyll, regardless of a high-fantasy setting, is a black man. i am well aware that eschewing the many stereotypes of hypermasculinity in regards to black men specifically, cannot be undone with one video game, but i think it does a lot. it could do more, of course - but i feel that Larian made a wholehearted attempt with this specifically.

Minsc

the man is large and very visually "stereotypically masculine," yes, but all of his actions are either influenced by Jaheira or Boo. case closed, your honor. i'm joking. but really, Minsc respects and admires Jaheira intensely as a comrade. and what she thinks seems to matter more to him than his own motivations. that's what made it so easy for the Bhaalist assassins to manipulate him - they just had one person pose as Jaheira. boom.

Halsin

another very visually "stereotypically masculine" man, yes- but i have three things: he's open to polyamory that is represented in the game more or less in a healthy way he's very concerned with consent, both in a monogamous romance or a polyamorous one - this includes the bear scene, he does ask about it before like, barrelling into it (and no i'm not poking that bear any more than i have to in this post) uhh, have you heard him talk to/about Tav? my my. not only that but this man is quite literally built like a bear, yet he is a druid, literally about all things nature. you could make the argument that this subverts the nature/culture; emotion/reason debate as it relates to gendered roles.

Gale

okay so, not only has it been confirmed/alluded to by in-game dialogue that Gale does the cooking for the camp- (specifically by Wyll if i recall correctly), he's also just a fairly forthcoming person with his feelings and insecurities. i know a lot of people have deemed that a bit annoying, but i do think there is some value in it. for example, he is a little self-deprecating about being a bad kisser, but it's his way (especially if you read him as autistic) of saying "hey, i'm insecure about this and i usually spend a lot of time alone in a mother fucking tower in waterdeep." i.e. i don't exactly know how to do this. he's an honest, giving, and kind man, and is just as likely to show you as he is to tell you how his heart and mind function. he wants you to understand him. he's also very idealistic- that of course can be a double edged sword, but i think he comes by it honestly as well. given his background with Mystra. i shouldn't even need to mention it but the way the "with you i forget my goddess" and the "you would really prefer me as i am?" lines wrench my heart- like, okay that's very romantic but he's also (imo) accepting that he, a human man, cannot be perfect. that to me is like anti-toxic masculinity in the sense of accepting that a real relationship is where two people are equals and that it's founded in mutual respect and adoration. not unrequited love and service (especially service).

Astarion

get at me if you want, but this man is in touch with his feminine side. i would personally call him high femme, but that's a little besides the point, he sews, appreciates fashion, yada yada. the next part about him i want to discuss as delicately as possible- he's very forthcoming (once he feels relatively safe and in control of the situation at hand) with his experiences as an ab-se/SA survivor. most men do not have the space to do this, nor are they actively encouraged to share their experiences. and with that, depending on dialogue choices, he wants to cease all intimate contact and go at his own pace. not expecting men to be sexual is kind of big on its own, but given his background, i think it's especially important in his storyline. furthermore, in the spawn!romance stream, he is very explicit about moving forward with Tav as equals.

Raphael

you.. y'all. you already know what i'm going to say regarding the dialogue with Haarlep. i don't really know if i have anything to add besides reiterating that men do not have to be these perfect, virile sexual machines.

Extra Stuff

the emphasis on consent: whether it's in a romance dialogue or if it's the game warning you "you're about to do xyz, are you sure?!"

specifically consent in the romance dialogues though: there are usually 3-4 chances for you as the player to be like "actually, i don't want to do that"

queer couples (npc + npc or pc + companion) are just.. normal. once you get to the lower city you'll hear a ton of ambient dialogue where it will be like "my husband blah blah blah" and you look and it's a gnome and his dragonborn husband standing in the street

uhh, hi larian jumping on the character creator with gender neutral and gender-mixed/mixable options, way to make the player base feel seen. hearing my Tav (Festé) be referred to as "they" in dialogue without issue (especially glaring grammatical ones like i've seen in other games) was really big for me, personally.

openly trans npcs. the defense rests, your honor. okay but imagine my surprise when i hear abigail fucking thorn in a completely missable dialogue scene, where she (the character) talks openly about the fact that she is a fucking trans woman. like.

#baldur's gays #.txt #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldur's gate iii #baldur's gate 3 companions

[thesamoanqueen]

A lot of people bring up the terrible Matt/Jeff rivalry for why a Jey/Jimmy story wouldn't work but the thing is the Jey/Jimmy story has a lot of elements to their story that a lot of Brother Vs Brother fueds never had. I think one important one is that it's not coming out of nowhere as much as people want to say that. They just haven't been paying attention even when Roman and Paul has spoon fed it to them. Not just that, but there's been elements to this story sprinkled through for THREE years. They have history on their side. Especially the tragedy of Jey, always choosing Jimmy and Jimmy doing this to him. It's not going to be a sound bite. We saw this shit. Second, these other brother feuds were single stars or had established a singles career. The Usos are so interwoven they share a wiki, a theme, merch, and a Twitter. They have functioned as a tag team only, so one of them getting that shine is going to produce cracks even though those matches were never about singles glory. Third, in a lot of these stories, one was clearly the favorite, more preferred brother. For a long time, that was Jimmy and now Jey but never at a Matt vs. Jeff kind of level. I mean,until broken Matt Hardy, no one cared about Matt (except maybe Edge/Lita feud, but they stopped caring real quick).Fourth, both Usos are not afraid to be emotional, especially when it comes to each other. They are going to make this shit hurt. Fifth, their BOTH excellent Mic workers with different strengths and I think those strength will fit both their roles in this story.

The Usos are not the Hardys. They are no other couple of brothers in the wrestling history and this is a fundamental point thats difficult for most fans to understand because they are used to making comparisons and with this storyline you cant make comparisons with no f*** one period.

The Usos have shared everything and have always showed a level of partnership unlike anyone else. For them its normal to be one, work and present themselves as a being with two heads, but the two heads are there for everyone to see. Jey has shown it over the years, Jimmy will prove it now, they are as valid alone as they are in tag. The fear of the fans comes from many things, the biggest one I won't say because its shameless and has nothing to do directly with them, I'll say the second, third, who knows, let's say the most valid: will this breakup/separation be a bad step for one of them? No. They're beasts with mics in their hands, they're amazing in the ring on their own (plus, they've had a total of matches and singles victories for three years to scare all the singles wrestlers inside the rosters), they both know how to demand the attention of the crowd, both are equally supported by fans. There's no one that is less valuable than the other, so neither will go down with this feud. The point of this Bloodline storyline is to explain who they are, all of them, and how they're going through this journey. We know about Roman, Jey, we don't know about Jimmy because let's face it, Jimmy was always just the funny guy, the good one of the gang, the release button for Jey. What do fans know about Jimmy? nothing more than that, so I think it's necessary to understand what and where he can get too. The disappointment because Jey is the most deserving of taking away the title from Roman remains, but the reason for the choice is there, it makes sense and it's also right.

The arguments honestly make no sense, in any case and for any of the questions that people out there are asking. Anyone who was shocked, not touched, but shocked by this, clearly didn't understand anything about this storyline before and surely won't understand after because the hints were all there long before WM39, they were there since 2021, but after April Roman and even Heyman had to make them shameless, realizing that people weren't understanding anything and even when they took them by the hand, slamming the whole thing in their faces, people didn't understand, they didn't even understand the Usos who were announcing this feud. So I think the inability of the average wrestling viewer to understand obvious concepts should be addressed here, not why the Bloodline made these choices and where the Usos will go from this feud.

#and all those smart journalists call it entertainment of the worst kind when they can't even put two and two together #y'all are stupid and that's all #the bloodline #the usos #wwe

[soul-wanderer]

06x06 review (that is actually not just about Marina, because man, there was a lot to unpack in that ep):

The good:

- girl’s camp at the station (finally) aka “nobody should be trusted around children except for Theo and Vic and maybe Jack, if we ignore his overall mental health status right now”

- Vic being a great mentor/leader, because we know she is, but she needs to know this too

- Theo being a gem again and being great at reflecting and voicing just what’s going wrong at the station

- Vic and Ross having a talk and Vic questioning her career. Most people go through that at least once a day and it was nice to see her voice those doubts and it was even nicer to have Ross help her through that and help her see her strengths and that sometimes things can just be right too

- Vic being offered the leadership position in regards to Crisis One - she more than deserves this

- the Helicopter case actually had some real action, and gosh, did I miss that, so yay for that

- Andy being a great friend, once again, despite Maya trying to push her away again and again. Andy just knows Maya and knows (hopefully) that she doesn’t always mean what she’s saying, so she’s not easily insulted by Maya and that’s just what Maya needs and I am glad they’re bringing Andy back for that

The best (apart from Vic’s arc):

- Ross finally finding whatever sense she lost throughout the last few episodes and realizing that she can’t risk the career she worked so hard for, especially not for a dude like Baldy. Man, that was the speech we did not deserve but most definitely needed to hear - let’s hope she sticks to that in future eps

The bad (surprise, this is where we are getting to Maya and Carina):

- Maya just eating painkillers like candy in front of the kid and then giving her a whole damn speech that might as well have come from her dad (makes sense canonically, but who the hell allowed her around a bunch of kids in her state?!)

- no, I will not comment on Maya’s and Carina’s argument at the beginning of the ep, because *sighs*

- who let Ross tell these kids traumatic stories from war? Who?! Anyone? They all cannot be trusted around children, I stg

- Maya’s bra offers surprisingly little support for the job they’re doing - girl, take care of yourself, that’s a serious health matter

- it’s bad that Beckett didn’t end up getting fried - seriously, that would have been so freaking funny, I’m mad that did not happen

The worst:

- Sullivan deadass suggesting that he and Ross quit their jobs and move somewhere else. THE AUDACITY THIS MAN HAS. I’m fucking livid at this point, seriously. He screwed over Andy and now what? He found the next woman he can do that with? That man has not an ounce of respect for women in his body and it’s showing. It’s always about him and his feelings and his needs and his this and his that and it needs to stop. They need to come up with a new storyline for him or else I hope he ends up getting fried by lightning after the hiatus

The unexpected:

- nope, not gonna mention it, y’all know what I mean that cracking noise is gonna haunt me forever

Hopes/Fears/Predictions for 6B:

- Spine inury for Maya? Not a fan of the memory loss idea, so. It would also have the potential for reconnection while Carina supports her during her mental and physical recovery, as long as Maya isn’t going full on depressed about it

- Vic being a badass leader, please and thank you

- Natasha remembering her own words

- I know that’s gonna be an unpopular one, but maybe it’s best if Maya and Carina go back to being friends - at least while they both sort out their mental health issues. It would allow them to get some distance between them and reconnect eventually while setting up a healthier basis for their relationship

- and please get rid of Beckett already. Please.

Happy Hiatus, everyone and be nice to each other!

#Station 19 #Vic Hughes #Theo Ruiz #Maya Bishop #Carina DeLuca #06x06 #I feel like I'm forgetting a few things here #ah well

[the-travelling-witch]

do you think hoyoverse is going to actually "eliminate" a playable character in the storyline? just something i think about a lot. i mean a lot of players are definitely going to be disappointed and sad - but i think it adds something new and is interesting. if a storyline plays in such a dangerous world and everyone is surviving, it will be after a while a bit boring (??) like u know everyone will be fine anyways.

hmm good question, it’s hard to say but i think they won’t, actually; more of my unprofessional opinion under the cut ✧.*

obviously they can’t erase that character from the roster of playable characters because people have spent money on the banners and invested time in building them and i think running around with a character who’s supposed to be deceased/ eliminated would break the game’s immersion at least a little and hoyoverse is naturally interested in keeping its players engaged, so that they play and spend more (i’m not sure how much of a factor immersion would be but i think it’s definitely there)

also, if you take xiao for example, who is one of the most hyped characters from the game, and permanently erase him from the story, it’ll limit their options to make money off of his popularity in the future; i think just having him on the promotional artwork and in the trailer for the new event boosts interest and playtime for the event, in return increasing time spent in game which is time for possible spendings

last but not least: would an erased character still get banner re-runs? i think it’s safe to say that this is most players’ main reason for spending on the game and cutting back on profits from banners like xiao, zhongli, raiden,… is not really what hoyoverse wants to do right? and even for the less popular characters

there are people who pulled on the first banner and might wait for a re-run for constellations

new players should still be able to pull for older characters

the release of new characters often times affects the play style of those already released (kazuha for example is really valuable now but at first people thought he was just a knock-off venti)

but having a banner for a supposedly “dead” character would be weird, right?

of course there are also arguments to be made for why they could choose to eliminate playable characters from the storyline, some of them were named by you already, but i think hoyoverse would choose marketability and profit over reality in this case

but this is just my (shortened) outside perspective on things, who knows what’s going on in their heads anyway; if they do choose to get rid of someone in the storyline it would crack the door open for already “dead” characters like signora to make a return, although i’m not sure how i’d feel about that

this little analysis (if you can even call my unprofessional opinion that) is what i think hoyoverse as a company would do but is also heavily influenced by how i as a player would feel about this and is in no way, shape or form based on anything ♡

#coffee & tea break #letter from: a mysterious sender ❁ #as you can see i’m very confident in my ability to assess this situation and therefore also my answer #this is basically a bachelor thesis right here /j #please don’t take anything i said too seriously #i have no clue what i’m talking about #you can actually just read the first sentence and call it a day #everything else is just filler #also top notch grammar

[bisluthq]

I will never understand people's obsession with celebs and celeb breakups. And why they're so obsessed with the idea that this is what happened to A celeb, the same thing will happen to B celeb. Do all of your real life friends copy each other? Could Eanna and Alison breakup as her star rises? Yes, of course, but just because Daisy and her boyfriend broke up doesn't mean the same thing will happen for Alison. Alison and Eanna seem very happy and they seem to be open to do what's necessary to staying happy (him moving to London with her). And just because Jack and Saoirse met and fell in love while filming MQOS doesn't mean Joe is going to fall for one of his co-stars. And just because A celeb cheated on their partner with his/her partner with their on-screen love interest, doesn't mean Joe or Alison will do the same. This notion some of you have that all celebs are the same is ridiculous and so simple minded. If your best friend's husband cheats on her, does that automatically mean yours will step out on you? That's how you all sound.

See, and this is where like I say I have an ethical dilemma in what I do too because imo it’s about reducing them to characters in like a TV show that plays out for our collective societal entertainment. You know how we talk about tropes and predict plot lines in TV shows? People do that with celebs too. Like me saying “Duffer Brothers’ vibes on how they’re gonna wrap it up is giving Moffat and I don’t trust them” like that same way anons are like “but we’ve seen a similar ‘storyline’ before!”

The problem is celebs are real human beings, not characters in a storyline. They’re not all interconnected, there aren’t magic insiders, no one can predict the future in any meaningful way because celebs themselves can’t know what’s gonna happen in 5 years or whatever. No one can.

Counter argument: celebrity and fame and gossip and fantasy is inherent to the human psyche. Like since the 18th Century in the West formally, but before that too and outside the West, famous people lived rent free in people’s minds. We love seeing beautiful, rich, powerful people behaving badly or well or having dramas or making babies and shit. It’s literally human nature.

I don’t think that’s in itself problematic, so long as we 1) understand it’s fantasy and speculation and gossip 2) remember that there are real people on the receiving end of this shit so if we’re gonna make stuff up like we could hurt them (see: Jack x Ella - did it happen? Who knows!!! Is it shit Lena doesn’t know if it happened and it kept being thrown in her face? Yeah man that sucks balls; see also: Shakira taking her dad to hospital and it being made into a commentary on her relationship which fwiw sounds shit but not to the point of hospitalization. That is embarrassing, untrue and MEAN) so idk let’s try be kind while staying realistic tbh 3) most importantly get out of the conspiracy frameworks that people like Enty and tbh people like Deux feed with klues and interconnected vibes and “storylines” for these people to live out. That leaves the realm of “this is fun to gossip and discuss” and veers into some cracked out tinhat shit.

#nat talks celeb gossip

[doublel27]

More on Tarlos and balance

This will come as a shock to no one who follows me, but I have still been thinking about the Carlos and TK’s relationship is unbalanced argument since my last ask. And even if it’s not textually unbalanced something about it feels unbalanced to fans.

So, a few things.

The first is, @guardian-angle22 brought up a great point in the tags about how TK is most frequently the one to be hurt, emotionally or physically, than Carlos. This leads to a lot of Carlos taking care of TK physically and emotionally. Also, as I pointed out in that ask, two of the major things that happened to TK this season are incredibly heavy. I mean the hypothermia was heavy, but we haven’t revisited that.

Also, during those times, we often experience TK’s injuries from Carlos’s point of view as well as TK’s. The show does a great job including Carlos’s perspective in these storylines but it often shows us how much he cares/is worried. This may add to that perception of imbalance as when we see TK worry about Carlos they’ve either gone through the incident together or, as in season three, TK’s worry is about something smaller and related to Carlos’s job. Another thing that I think sets off the balance, from an outsider perspective, is the way TK and Carlos have separately approached this relationship. I crack jokes all the time about how from that first little “Text Me” Carlos is already in way too deep. There is a certanty in how Carlos feels about TK, for the audience, from day one. TK on the other hand is not so certain at the outset, and is very honest with Carlos about where he falls on being ready for what Carlos is angling for. Now it sucks to feel like you’re more invested in a person than they are in you, and I think the audience can often feel that Carlos, who is very sure that he wants TK and is very focused on making it work, is more invested. But TK is gunshy for solid reasons and is very upfront with Carlos. It’s not like he is out here ghosting Carlos or leaving him on read. The fact that the first, and only, time TK isn’t responding to Carlos’s texts and not coming over when he’s suppoesd to is in 2x08 and it’s big enough to send Carlos to Owen’s house unnanounced because he doesn’t have TK’s parents phone numbers...well, that’s a sign that TK isn’t playing games with Carlos. 

But if we approach this relationship from what they know about their experiences with relationships...we know more about TK’s history than we do about Carlos’s. Carlos’s relationship history is a black box. I, and many others, have theorized what could be hiding in that box, but the truth is we have no clue. What we do know is Carlos was raised by two parents who are married, and very clearly in love. We’ve only seen Andrea and Gabriel together in three episodes, but they’re lovely, warm, affectionate and teasing. There’s a real partnership in that relationship, and I am certain that strenghthens Carlos’s faith in things like love and marriage. I think it’s part of what makes him trust his gut instinct about TK. TK on the other hand. Well, aside from proposing Alex, his romantic history is also a black box. We know he’d been dating Alex long enough to propose and long enough to notice that Alex had become more distant over the last few months and he decided to take a page out of the Owen Strand Handbook (please never do that again sweetheart, your dad is a disaster at love) and take a big swing. But TK is not used to relationships being something that lasts 30+ years. TK has watched every relationship either of his parents have had end in divorce or break up, sometimes multiple times TK is very aware that you can love some one, as his parents definitely do, and have it not be enough. His parents’ have loved each other for over 30 years, but they haven’t had a healthy relationship for most of them. His mother loves Enzo, but they fell apart in the pandemic. We have watched Owen continually need relationship advice from Judd and even then he wiffs it.  It has really struck me in season three the very big difference between TK and Carlos and the way they approach their relationship, and the relationshpis that have been modeled for TK. It’s become increasingly clear to me that TK is not looking to repeat structures that he grew up with and that his relationship with Carlos probably feels entirely different from the relationship his parents had with each other and with every other person he’s experienced them with. And if the fact that TK takes time to figure out what he wants, to approach conversations with complete transparency (versus his parents who talk through metaphor in half of their arguments) and sometimes it means behing honest he has no idea what he’s doing. The other thing TK does is he will exit a conversation if it’s becoming too much, and I think this is a pattern we see with Gwyn and Owen. They’re both runners when things are too much, and we watch both of them do this over the course of knowing them. But the facinating thing about TK is he comes back. His concern in 2x12 and 3x04 is that he has ruined his chance to come home, and that’s just really facinating. He’s waiting for the thing he does or says to be the thing that makes it so he loses his place with Carlos. (the fact that Carlos has this insecurity where his parents are concerend is also facinating) Anyways, I digress. I think the certainty that comes from Carlos knowin that you can make these things work and the cautious way TK approaches things because everything he’s ever wanted to count as family has fallen apart, well, that can make things feel unbalanced in some ways. But in the end, TK always puts the effort in to come back. 

But the fact that they’re not similar in their approach or their speed is part of what makes their relationship dynamic and facinating. TK needs someone like Carlos to be that stalwart person in the storm, who has faith and will be home no matter what. But also, Carlos needs TK who asks questions and slows things down and picks things apart so that they can come to reasonable and healthy patterns without having hidden feelings and resentments. And that’s pretty beautiful.  In the end, we need TK to propose to Carlos and some Carlos-only whump. And I think it’ll help. 

#tarlos #tarlos meta #911 lone star #911 lone star meta #tk strand #carlos reyes #doublel27 talks #have i thought about this too much #maybe #911 lone star season 3 #911 ls season 3 #tk x carlos

[thehollowprince]

"Scott stuck by Liam, walking him through being a werewolf" Except that Scott wasn't even there with Liam during the full moons. In fact, Scott was too busy having a date with Kira to take care of the boy he bit, assaulted and kidnapped against his will. But sure: Scott walked Liam through being a werewolf! Also: don't you ship Sceo – a crack ship between two heterosexual character who never showed an ounce of romantic interest/attraction toward each other in canon? Lmfao talk about delusional

Oh, A...

How many times are we going to go around this merry go round of bad faith arguments and questions that can be easily disproven by just watching the show?

I mean, it's getting tiresome, but if you insist.

So... Liam's first full moon happened in the episode "The Benefactor", right after "Muted", where he had been bitten. In just keeping with Liam's storyline this episode, we see him tied up in Scott's bathtub in a comical scene that I thought really drove home the point that Scott and Stiles are still just teenagers. Liam escapes in another funny scene (lots of comedy this episode?) and then is invited go a party by Kira to get him away from everyone so he wouldn't accidentally hurt someone. Once he's at Lydia's lake house and the full moon starts to rise, he's starts changing and when he goes to attack Scott, Kira does this.

That's right, she knocks him unconscious with a paddle! After which, they chain him up so that when he awakes, he'd be contained.

While he was out, Scott and Kira have a little dance.

At no point in time did Scott abandon Liam to go have a date with Kira. As a matter of fact, the moment Liam awoke and broke his chains, Scott left Kira to go after him, to help him. Liam's arc this episode ended with this touching scene...

Again, I need to state, this is not my opinion. This is not my interpretation. This is what happened on the screen. And short of placing the entire episode (or show) on here and forcing you to watch it á la Clockwork Orange, there's nothing I can do to help you realize that.

As for me liking Sceo, this is a fact. We already know this. I liked the chemistry these two had together on top of Theo's arc on 6B where he was trying to make up for what he did in the past, specifically to Scott. It was the foundation of what could have been a nice romance.

That being said, you will never find on my blog that I think Sceo is the height of romance. And you want to know why? Because it never actually happened on screen! That's the key difference between me and most Sterek shippers. I can acknowledge that the ship I like is based off of my own bias and imagination and not try to say that it was canon if you stand on your head with your finger up your ass squinting sideways at it.

Have a Merry Christmas, A.

#scott mccall #asshole anon #scott mccall was a good alpha #scott mccall defense squad

[lokiondisneyplus]

Most Marvel post-credit scenes hint at the future. Loki opted for a blunter approach: the God of Mischief would return in season 2.

Based on the final turn of events, there was really no other choice: Loki (Tom Hiddleston), having journeyed to the furthest point in spacetime with his variant Sylvie (Sophia Di Martino) to meet the founder of the TVA, a scientist-turned-survivor-of-multiversal-war known as He Who Remains (Jonathan Majors), finds himself zapped into a new reality when his lady self slays the omnipresent being. The mind reels!

Creator Michael Waldron takes delight in the endless possibilities of Loki’s core premise. And as a veteran of Rick and Morty, he knows what anchors a mind-bending show, and what will keep Hiddleston’s character hurtling through his chaotic, rewritten future. Below, Polygon talks to Waldron about landing on the key choices of Loki season 1, what to expect from season 2, and a bit on his next project, the wrestling drama Heels, which is set to premiere on Aug. 15.

Did you know there’d be a second season of Loki from the beginning or was that choice made later in the process?

Michael Waldron: We always knew that it was a possibility. We always knew that we wanted to propel Loki and these characters out into the MCU after this, into further stories. But that didn’t really crystallize as a sure thing until we were in production and everything. And as we were really figuring out the finale.

So you were still cracking the ending as you shot the show?

There was a hiatus due to the pandemic. So things were constantly being retooled because of that. I think, by and large, everything with He Who Remains and the Sylvie-Loki conflict was always there. But that cliffhanger was the sort of thing that suddenly became a really appealing opportunity, a chance for that to lead into a second season.

What element of the series helped you crack the macro story of Loki, and made all the other pieces fall into place? Each episode almost feels like a standalone adventure, similar to Rick and Morty, but what helped it all click?

The first couple of weeks in the writers room was just laying out the individual episodes. It was very important to me that each episode stood on its own, and you could say “This is the Lamentis episode,” “This is the apocalypse moon episode,” “This is the Void episode.” I didn’t want it to just be cut up chapters and have one long continuous story. Obviously, we had to figure out the time travel for things to slot into place. I think a big idea for us was the way you get around the TVA by hiding in apocalypses. That felt like such a big, cool, exciting idea that it drove the action of episode 2, episode 3, and in a way it’s like Alioth is the ultimate apocalypse that He Who Remains is hiding behind. That sci-fi idea cracked a lot open for us. I know that after we had that I went home and I slept a little sounder.

Did adding the multiverse to the Marvel Cinematic Universe feel like blowing something up or expanding it, in terms of narrative possibilities?

In the same way that after the first couple Iron Man movies, and with the first Avengers, suddenly these movies were kind of going to space. Then we had Guardians. I think of the multiverse as another version of that. It’s new ground to cover, and particularly interesting because characters meeting other versions of themselves and other versions of people they know is... cool. That’s just a cool sci-fi concept! But I think with anything, as you expand outward, it only works if the humanity remains. It’s exciting to watch characters dealing with big crazy multiversal conflicts because we can see ourselves in them. I think you just have to hold on to the humanity that makes these stories work in the first place.

Did you go back to the Thor movies for Loki? Was there anything to find in the past of Marvel as you were paving the future?

Absolutely. I mean I watched them many times, contrary to what Twitter might think because I did some bits on there saying that I’ve never seen Avengers and I upset some people [laughs]. I have seen it many times. “Confirmed: Loki writer has seen Avengers and saw it before writing Loki show.”

In fact, I was watching all these movies on a loop in the writers’ room. I gleaned so much because you watch the evolution of the character. Avengers was particularly informative because our story picks up Loki right after that, but I also I found a lot of inspiration in Thor: The Dark World, a maybe sometimes maligned movie that I actually really enjoy. I just think there’s great stuff with Loki being tangentially responsible for the death of his mother, how he reacts to that. That is the start of his journey of that version of Loki’s redemption, so I was inspired by that.

What’s propelling the characters into season 2? Where are you headed in basic terms?

In season 1, you saw a lot of characters reckoning with and questioning their own glorious purpose, and that glorious purpose changing, [characters] realizing that that can change. Everybody except for Sylvie. I think she holds onto hers, which is vengeance, and to the detriment of us all, perhaps. And we’ve got a Loki who, at the top of our show, assessed himself as a villain and, I would argue, at the end of our show, has become a little bit of a hero. There’s nothing more heroic to me than fighting for the right thing and losing. You see that washing over him as he’s there back at the TVA, after Sylvie has knocked back there. And then he gets up because that is what heroes do — they keep going. So I think that you’re gonna see a Loki that looks at himself in a different way certainly that at the top of this.

Do you hope to explore more of Sylvie’s backstory in season 2?

I guess we’ll see. We certainly have our own rich backstory for her, stuff that didn’t get to make it into the show. Elissa Karasik, our episode 2 writer, wrote a lot of amazing backstory for Sylvia and everything. So those ideas exist out there.

And her version of Thor?

Tune in.

How did He Who Remains come about? Did you bring the character to Marvel or was that a character Marvel hoped to introduce?

I was pushing and our team was pushing early on in the writers’ room that it should be a version of Kang up in that Citadel, sort of fusing the mythology of He Who Remains with a little bit of the Immortus mythology. And that was a thing we were excited to do. And it became clear that it actually made sense for our story. The only way we were going to do it was if it made sense, but it was like, who had a better argument for creating the TVA to prevent other versions of themselves from existing then a guy as evil as Kang the Conqueror?

You wrote the upcoming Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness — did Marvel hire you for that after Loki? Does the movie feel like a continuation of the show?

Yeah, that opportunity came as we were getting ready to start production on Loki. It was a pleasure. I got to work with Sam Raimi, a hero of mine. I was in London for five months making that movie at the top of this year. We had a blast. I think that it’s a continuation in as much as ever every Marvel movie is to some extent a chapter in an ongoing story, but these things are meant to stand alone and the most important thing about Doctor Strange too is making the most kick ass Doctor Strange movie we could.

Is Loki a two-part show now or are you invested in telling a longer story with future seasons beyond season 2?

Time will tell, but I do my hope is that season 1 stands on its own. We always wanted to tell a complete story there. And in whatever the next chapter may be will stand on its own as well.

Your next show, Heels, is already on the way. We got a big preview out of Comic-Con this year, but I’m curious about the scope of this story. You’re starting with two brothers running an independent wrestling franchise, but you’ve dropped the name “Vince McMahon” a few times — is this about the building of an empire? Would you liken it to The Godfather or Breaking Bad?

I always thought about it a little bit of a Scorsese-sort-of rise, and we’ll see if there’s a fall. Starting from humble beginnings and trying to build some crazy. Wrestling was certainly not always the empire that it is and that’s what’s interesting, to watch the evolution of a family-run wrestling business from something you do in your small towns and perhaps a national, even global empire. That would be a really compelling arc for a show over the course of several seasons. I’d be excited to explore that.

What’s the most dramatically fulfilling wrestling moment you’ve witnessed? What’s the bar for the wrestling drama of Heels?

It’s gotta be Hulk Hogan turning heel in the WCW. There was an invasion storyline, these guys from WWF, Kevin Nash and Scott Hall, came over and they were the bad guys. It was at a Pay-per-view and and they were beating up on the good guys that you love, and here comes Hulk Hogan in the yellow and red and he’s the hero. “The Hulk’s gonna get ‘em! The good guy’s here!” And then the Hulk just leg drops Randy Savage. That was the original Red Wedding. I just think about the boldness of turning him heel. To a little kid... I wasn’t even like a massive Hulk fan, but he was just such a mythological figure. What a chance that Hulk Hogan took as a performer, as a bankable kind of movie star at that point. That was bold, risky storytelling and it set off two years of amazing storytelling with Hogan just playing a craven, cowardly heel and just being so evil. I really respect the hell out of them for doing that. That was a great storyline.

#michael waldron #interview #loki #s1 #s2

[thesleepy1]

My King Shall Have Everything

A/N: A fuck load of people seemed to like my last Merthur fic. I even got a request for a sequel from @antobcq who wanted a 5+1 fic where Arthur couldn’t get anything done without Merlin on his lap. I haven’t done one of these fics in ages but I’m down with this prompt. I also love the headcanon where Merlin is a better court member and adviser than Arthur and completely leaves Arthur in the dust during diplomatic meetings. Unbeta’d as always, we die like Arthur.

Extra note, this turned out much longer than I expected it to. This might be my longest fic yet. I didn’t mean for it to be like this but I spent too much time on it to just leave it alone. And much to my surprise, it’s a linear storyline as well. I hope you all enjoy it and feel free to give me some feedback. Do you prefer the linear storylines or short snippets of scenes? Also, kind of sorry for the slight angst. My bad. It got worse towards the end, I was getting really tired and wasn’t completely sure how to end it. It’s not on the highest note is all I’ll say.

Pairings: Merlin x Arthur, slight Gwen x Morgana

Summary: Five times Arthur couldn’t get anything done without Merlin on his lap and one time where Merlin couldn’t get anything done without Arthur on his lap.

Word count: 10,485

Warnings: Lap sitting, fluff, physical touch, sexual content, grinding, angst, wounds, violence, character death, more warnings to be added, more tags to be added, proceed with caution, breeding kink, impregnation kink, mentions of dub/con, possessive behavior, obsessive behavior, eugenics, blood, gore, hurt/comfort, angst/comfort, whump, injuries, begging, character death, mentions of public executions, long fic, foul language, asphyxiation, strangulation, choking,

Arthur was good at many things, but being on time was not one of them. Especially, when at the end of the hall he had to attend a council meeting with some of the most stuck up people he had ever met, and that was saying something considering he had to spend the last winter with his extended family. His advisers had been up his ass all week about the new rising kingdom beyond the continent. A kingdom so far away, he had just heard of it several months prior. It was like the kingdom had appeared overnight, suddenly a new ink blotch taking over the lower side of the map.

Personally, he didn’t believe it was real in the first place, having a squadron of knights and hired mercenaries sail over to investigate this so-called Kingdom of Le Lubrique. Much to his disbelief, they didn’t come back empty handed and instead returned with a message. A greeting, as his advisers and Merlin had called it.

To Arthur, it was merely stiff aristocrats getting together in too large a room to talk about dull nonsense. Something he had enough of in his own kingdom. Every other month he was already forced to put on a brave face and converse with the other ruling kings and queens of the continent; he didn’t need another to add on to the mix. He already loathed the balls he was required to host.

“You’re late,” Merlin hissed at him as he entered through a side door so as to not alert the others of his presence.

“That’s kind of the point of me coming here long after the time I was supposed to, Merlin,” Arthur rolled his eyes, sneaking behind the other advisers present to his seat. Merlin begrudgingly followed right on his tail.

“This is serious Arthur, you should have been here ten minutes ago!” Merlin nagged a tad too loudly.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the great king of Camelot himself. I’m delighted to see you have graced us with the honor of your belated attendance,” said an adviser from the guest kingdom with a tone that made Arthur want to stab him, wars be damned.

“I hope you could excuse my tardiness just this once,” Arthur began, trying to come up with a plausible excuse. He looked over to Merlin for help, but the warlock looked clueless as usual. “It...was just that I was caught up with...making sure my...uh...husband’s family were making themselves at home. The in-laws are visiting, you see. You know how hard it can be to keep them happy.”

Merlin looked like he wanted to hang Arthur with his own entrails at the king’s quick thinking. Camelot’s advisers seemed to be considering throwing themselves from the window. And the guest advisers seemed content with Arthur’s answer; though not pleased.

“Oh, believe me,” one of them began, a tall woman with high cheekbones and piercing brown eyes, “I know exactly how tiring in-laws can be.” She let out a high pitched laugh like the sound of dying blue jays; the sound made Arthur want to join his advisers as they inched towards the open windows.

“Well, yes, hahaha, they can be quite a hassle. Especially people that are related to my husband here,” Arthur clapped his hands, smiling at Merlin as he took his seat at the head of the table, “Shall we properly begin then?”

Arthur truly and wholeheartedly regretted agreeing to the whole thing. It was hour after hour of mindless words with little to no meaning. They just went on and on about things that meant little to nothing. He tried to tune out their voices but the tall woman’s laugh was like the crack of a whip, bringing him back to reality each time someone made a vaguely funny comment.

“Are you alright, Arthur?” Merlin said in a hushed tone next to his side. Concern had brought his dark eyebrows together. Arthur was tempted to take his fingers and smooth out Merlin’s worry, but perhaps that was too intimate an act for a meeting. Then again, when did Arthur care about what other people thought of him and his husband.

“I’m fine, Merlin,” Arthur sighed, “Just so bored with all of this.”

“How could you be bored? Have you been listening to half of what they’ve been saying? For a kingdom so small they have so much potential. Their farmlands double ours, as well as their ores, and their medicine is even on par to Gaius’s.” Merlin continued on with such a light in his eyes that Arthur was distracted like a moth to a glowing flame.

“Arthur, have you been listening to what I’ve been saying?”

The king shook his head softly, slightly ashamed for not paying attention to his husband. “I’m sorry. I’m just so distracted. I need something to ground me if I’m going to survive another dreadful hour of this,” he groaned, thinking over if the fall from the window would kill him or lethally wound him. Either way, he’d be away from this horror with Merlin at his bedside playing nurse. At the private thought, an idea crossed his mind that had him delighted.

“You know what would help me?” Arthur began, a smirk tugging at his lips.

“What?” Merlin gave him a suspicious look, having seen the grin on the king many times before.

“It’ll really help if you were on my lap.” Merlin gave him an incredulous glare, ready to smack him across the back of the head for such a suggestion during such a crucial conference. “Please, Merlin? You really do help me focus.”

The warlock seemed to be thinking over Arthur’s request, a frown twisting his face. He looked like he was going to say no, but the pleading look on Arthur’s face made him change his mind. “Just this once. I don’t want to make a habit of this, Arthur,” Merlin warned in a hurried voice.

“Just this once,” Arthur lied through his teeth.

The second king of Camelot sat himself on the first, his side pressed against Arthur’s chest. Arthur wound his arm around Merlin and held him tightly. The action seemed to have garnered the attention of the visitors who looked at the pair strangely. And for some odd reason, the visiting ladies of the guest kingdom seemed to be glaring intently at Merlin.

“We are ever so sorry to be boring you, your majesty, but there is still much to discuss,” a visiting high lord coughed, glaring at the pair. “I apologize that our talk of declining population, racial biases against commoners and sorcerers, and ever so low birth rates have made you tired, but considering it may be the undoing of Le Lubrique, I deem it vital,” he practically snarled.

Arthur’s grip on Merlin tightened, his other hand palming Merlin’s thighs. The warlock couldn’t hide the grin that was stretched across his beautiful face at the touch. The king absolutely loved that grin. Arthur glared right back at those who dared question his behavior, for him showing his love for his king. He sounded in a stern voice that left no room for argument, “No apologies needed. Please, continue.”

“Don’t let us disturb you,” Merlin added with a more snarky tone, commanding the same amount of respect. “You have our full attention.”

-----

“Must I attend? You’ll be there, is that not enough?” Arthur whined as Merlin buttoned up his shirt.

“We are hosting a party in the Kingdom of Le Lubrique’s honor. Their queen has traveled all the way here to properly meet us,” Merlin pressed a kiss to Arthur’s cheek for the effort. “Must I continue?”

“Only if you wish, my dear,” Arthur pointed to his other cheek, waiting for the same treatment as the other.

Merlin rolled his eyes, pressing another kiss to Arthur. “I’m serious, Arthur, this could mean an all out war or the strongest of ally ship. I mean, have you read the reports of what their kingdom is like? It sounds, and excuse for my word choice but there really is no other way to describe it; magical. I would love to visit the country myself. If we make a good impression they might invite us for a stay,” he continued, tying a red handkerchief with Camelot’s crest around his own neck.

“And that’s why the second king of Camelot would be in attendance.”

Merlin left Arthur in their room after that, knowing that Arthur would follow him. “Are you really going to make me sit there and listen to them go on and on about their plan to repopulate their country, or over tax their people for the food that’s in abundance? Come on, Merlin, we could have our council handle it.” Arthur stepped in front of Merlin to block his way. “Why don’t we head back to our room and make this a more entertaining night?” he wiggled his eyebrows to make sure Merlin got his point.

Merlin heard him loud and clear and rightfully ignored Arthur’s attempt to get into his pants. He sidestepped the man to continue on his path, turning a corner to the ballroom. “Do you hear yourself? What kind of impression would that give Le Lubrique if you just suddenly disappeared?!” Arthur turned to run back to their room just to prove Merlin’s point, but the warlock quickly magicked him back to his side. “You’re coming with me whether you like it or not.”

And that was how Arthur ended up sitting on his throne, bored out of his mind and unwilling to be civil or sociable when he could have spent the entire evening snuggled inside Merlin. He could have been in bed by now, having Merlin moaning his name underneath him, but instead Arthur watched as the guest and court mingled and danced. The instrumentalists bobbed their heads in tune to their upbeat song.

Despite refusing to speak to anyone besides Morgana, and Merlin, and occasionally Gwen when she could spare a moment from dancing; he had learned quite a bit about their guests. The fact that although they had a vast amount of farmlands, they had little people to work in them. Which came as a shock to Arthur because he had learned earlier on that Le Lubrique consisted of mostly sorcerers.

Le Lubrique’s queen was the tall woman with a voice that made Arthur’s ears bleed. Her lady in waiting seemed to be a distant relative from their shared trait of high cheekbones, drowning brown eyes, and dark hair. The two were glued at the hip, her lady in waiting obsessively trailing behind her like a newborn duckling wherever they went. They were both strong magic users if Merlin’s gushing was anything to go by. And also very beautiful with fancy perfume that complimented each other so nicely that they smelt like heaven, from Merlin’s words of course, not his. If Arthur didn’t know any better, he would think Merlin fancied them; the queen and her lady in waiting.

Even when the queen was dancing with a number of council members, the servant would be right next to her. It was quite amusing to watch them struggle to sway in time with the music. Arthur had already made bets with Gwen on the number of times party guests would refuse dances with the pair because they refused to separate. So far Arthur was winning.

That was until the queen smugly asked Merlin for a dance. Her lady in waiting immediately stepped away like someone had called for her assistance, leaving the queen alone with Merlin. Much to Arthur’s disappointment, Merlin happily accepted the dance. He took the queen’s hand and off they went, twirling around as if they were the only ones in the room. His hands on her shoulder and waist, her hands virtually tearing his clothes from his chest.

The way the queen of Le Lubrique looked at Merlin made a sick feeling build up from the pit of Arthur’s stomach. She was undressing him with her eyes, the brown in her gaze turning an almost pitch black from lust. The woman said something that made Merlin taken aback, something about dragons and druids, but it was hard to hear from the chatter of the room. For all Arthur knew, it could have very well been a spell.

Merlin recovered quickly with a grin and laugh that had Arthur’s heart skipping a beat. Then the two of them had the audacity to continue dancing as if nothing had happened, the queen still shamelessly pulling at Merlin’s fine clothes that only Arthur was allowed to rip away.

Arthur didn’t know why Merlin didn’t stop the queen when she pulled his handkerchief from his neck. The king was almost killed for even playing with Merlin’s handkerchief and now this woman was doing the same without losing an arm and a leg? Completely unfair. That was proof in itself, she had casted a spell on Merlin.

“Merlin,” Arthur called out to his husband sternly only to be ignored once more. “Merlin,” Arthur stepped away from his throne, making his way towards his husband and the queen.

“I think you should go to bed before things get ugly,” Morgana gently warned Gwen, gesturing towards Arthur’s outburst. “It could either go well or we’ll die of secondhand embarrassment.”

“Thank you for your concern, my love,” Gwen replied with a smirk, “But I want to see how this unfolds.”

Morgana laughed at that, glancing between Arthur and Merlin. “Suit yourself.”

The two high ladies watched as Arthur pulled Merlin away from the queen of Le Lubrique, dragging him away from the woman as she stared on in horror. To Gwen's and Morgana’s surprise, the queen tried to pull Merlin back into her arms. Merlin seemed to be in a daze throughout the whole skirmish. His eyes glazed over, even from afar.

“Should we step in?” Gwen asked with concern, ready to intervene.

“Arthur can handle it, probably.”

The queen called her lady in waiting to help her. Three heads tugged at poor Merlin like he was flax rope at a kingdom fair. The lady in waiting tried to block Arthur from getting a good grip on Merlin while the queen tried to take more of Merlin’s clothes off. A crowd was forming and Morgana distinctively noticed coins being passed around in bets.

“Are you sure, my love?”

“Oh, It's just getting good,” Morgana grinned like a Cheshire cat. “How much are you willing to bet, my beloved?”

Finally, as the crowd began cheering, Arthur twisted out of the lady in waiting’s grip and grabbed hold of Merlin’s waist. The king lifted the warlock up in a bridal carry and turned on his heel for his throne, the crowd parting in heckles and laughs. Arthur blatantly ignored them, sitting down on his throne with Merlin in his lap. Unfortunately, he was unable to retrieve Merlin’s handkerchief, a matter he will surely not hear the end of for quite some time. But between a measly piece of fabric and Merlin’s life, Arthur would choose Merlin time and time again, his own life be damned.

Taking a moment to throw a sneer at Gwen and Morgana who were snickering, Arthur tried to shake Merlin out of the haze. “Are you alright, Merlin?” He stroked Merlin’s arms gently, trying to bring him back to the present. His blue gray eyes were a stormy glaze, seemingly out of it. It made an ugly feeling swirl around in Arthur’s head, the fact that some queen had touched his Merlin in such a way made Arthur sick.

Merlin shuddered in Arthur’s hold, looking down at himself and then at the ballroom floor where others had returned to dancing. Confusion crossed his face, “Of course, I’m alright,” he furrowed his eyebrows, “How did I get here?” Merlin rubbed at his temple, trying to soothe the ache that had formed there.

“Arthur carried you like the jealous brute he is,” Morgana explained, passing Gwen a handful of coins.

“Jealous brute?” Merlin questioned, looking at the trio for a real explanation.

Arthur was about to defend himself when a member of Le Lubrique’s court approached them. “Haha, I couldn’t help but notice the spectacle that you put on there, sire,” the man addressed Merlin.

“I’m sorry, I don’t quite follow.”

The man laughed again, mirth in his eyes. “I guess you wouldn’t,” he said vaguely, “The queen does have a way with words.”

“What do you mean by that?” Arthur butted in, holding Merlin a tad too tight. Merlin squirmed in Arthur’s lap but Arthur seemed to hardly notice.

“Well, you are a warlock, aren’t you, sire?” the man addressed Merlin once more. Merlin nodded despite himself. “A warlock as well as a dragonlord under the queen’s attention is bound to feel the efforts of her magic. And her special attention for that matter, hahaha.”

“Sorry,” Merlin began, more confused than before. “What do you mean by that expactly?”

“Our queen is a lovely dragon tamer. Her family is the last of their kind. Although taming a dragon is much easier when you have someone who can speak to the creatures,” the man laughed as if telling a joke only he knew the punchline to and walked away as if nothing had happened.

Least to say, the rest of the night Arthur didn’t let Merlin out of his sight. He had no idea what a dragon tamer was and Merlin seemed as lost as he was, but he wasn’t taking any chances. No one was going to “tame” his lover. Whatever that meant. Morgana and Gwen could laugh and call him jealous all they want, Arthur only had Merlin’s best interest at heart.

“I doubt having me be a lap warmer is in my best interest.”

-----

It had been weeks and Arthur naively thought they were done interacting with the kingdom of Le Lubrique. He had hoped to be finished with the rising kingdom, to leave them alone as long as they left him be.

He was rarely fortunate these days. Never even.

Apparently, Merlin was not deterred by almost being kidnapped by the queen and her lady in waiting. Merlin even said he enjoyed their company and their attention to his every breathing word. Arthur loved the man, but sometimes he could be quite an idiot.

Merlin, without Arthur’s knowledge, had invited a member of Le Lubrique’s court to stay at the castle. Who else to volunteer to come to Camelot but the queen’s lady in waiting. She was only supposed to be in the kingdom for a couple of weeks, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case. That couple of weeks turned into a couple of months and eventually the woman practically lived there. She had made herself at home on day one, much to Arthur’s dismay. He couldn’t really kick her out without making a bad impression towards her kingdom, despite what her queen had already done.

He was a king. Much to his reluctance, he had to act like it. And that meant acting like you liked people that you hated to the core.

“And these are our forests,” Arthur gestured to the thick wall of trees that signified the beginning of the woods. “I typically take neighboring kings hunting here. If you’re interested, we can go if you’d like.”

Sylvy, the lady in waiting, sat on her horse with her head held high. For someone with a position like her’s, she acted like she was queen herself. Arthur had spent the whole day trying to show her around for the utmost time. She was never satisfied with what he showed her, as if she were looking for a break in the walls of the kingdom.

Every morning she demanded to be taken around on a tour and every afternoon she was left with a deep frown on her face. Nothing made her happy it seemed, and Arthur had truly tried to make her feel at the very least, welcomed. It was just so difficult to do so with the knowledge of what she had done to Merlin. Had enchanted him, put him in a daze of some sort.

If Camelot still had the ban on magic, she would’ve been dead the moment she laid a hand on Merlin. On the crown’s orders, she would have been hung or burned, some form of public execution. Her dark hair would go up in flames as the fire burned higher and higher, her head would hang low as the bucket was kicked out underneath her. Arthur was still considering having her prisoned for what she did and simply explained to her queen that there had been a freak accident. If he were a lesser man, a lesser king, he would’ve done so and let it be a warning.

“I despise hunting as a sport, it’s just mindlessly cruel,” she snarled, her lips curling as a show of disdain. She held the reins to her horse like a vice, afraid that she’d be ripped from the saddle and forced to participate in such barbaric practices. At least, that was what Arthur thought was swimming through her mind.

“Yes, yes, but some like the adrenaline rush of a good hunt,” Arthur explained without real passion, merely a form of continuing the dry conversation. Sylvy had woken him up so early that morning he barely had a chance to give Merlin a goodbye kiss. “Some have to do it to survive.”

“There are other ways to live,” Sylvy began, urging her horse to turn by towards the main part of the kingdom, seeing as they were on the outskirts. “Le Lubrique for one replies solely on farmlands. We have no need for meat or the slaughtering of innocent animals. Everyone can live without such a horrible act; people and sorcerers alike. Meat is simply murder.”

Arthur half heartedly nodded, trailing behind her while trying not to fall off his horse. “I can’t argue with you there.” He didn’t want to argue with about anything her to be truthful, he had had enough of that already.

They traveled at a moderate trot in silence before she spoke up again. “Why haven't you invited me to a council meeting? I’ve been here for ages. Surely you have these sorts of things at least once a month.” She tried to act nonchalantly, but Arthur could see right through her. “I mean, there must be all sorts of things to discuss. An heir to the throne for one, seeing as neither you nor king Merlin can bear children.”

“We just haven’t had any council meetings, nothing interesting to report that couldn’t be done with a quill and parchment is all,” Arthur lied with a fake smile she could not see. “And an heir doesn’t need to be of blood. They just need to be taught how to properly command a kingdom like a fair and just ruler. To know what’s best for a kingdom, who to trust and who to leave behind in the woods.”

A look of abhorrence lingered on Sylvy’s face at Arthur’s words, bothered that he would even say such a thing. But Arthur was right, it didn’t matter if his heir was not his child as long as they were just and fair to all that passed them. Arthur could only imagine what Le Lubrique was like if all their subjects thought the same way Sylvy did. It must be all out war for them if a bastard appeared in court one day; though in reality royal bastards were a dime a dozen.

Sylvy went quiet for a moment, calculating her words while mulling over what Arthur had said. “With a kingdom as large as yours, surely there’s action all around? Suitable women all around. Something worthwhile must have happened during my stay,” her voice took on a tone that Arthur didn’t like, a light flush painting her cheeks like some teenage girl with a crush, “What about king Merlin?”

“What about my husband?”

“What has he been up to?” Sylvy asked indifferently, trying to hide her curiosity from Arthur. If only she would try to hide that damn blush. Merlin was physically attractive, Arthur knew this as an undeniable fact, but to be so unabashed while in front of the man’s husband? What was he? The first king of Camelot reduced to chop liver. Unbelievable!

“Well, he’s the second king of Camelot. A king’s job is never done. There is always more work than one man can handle. I should know, I used to be the one doing all the work.”

They reached town just as Sylvy took on an accusatory tone, “Then what are you doing here?”

Arthur resisted the urge to strangle her in front of so many people. His fists clenched around his reins so hard his knuckles turned ivory. “I’m showing you around, just as you had requested,” Arthur gritted through his teeth, trying so very hard not to glare at her.

“And here I was, hoping to attend a meeting with the second king.”

“Really now?” Arthur could feel the mare under him shuffle on her hooves at his fury. “You know what? There might be one later today.” What he had planned was so unbelievably petty and a tad childish, but at this point, he didn’t give a damn. Sylvy was getting on his last nerve. “I’ll have a servant call you when it’s time. For now, why don’t you explore our lovely town by yourself? Walk around without a king hovering over you and all. That way, I could get back to doing my job.”

Sylvy brightened up in spite of Arthur’s words. A smile was forming on her face, her high cheekbones pushed up even farther. Her brown eyes crinkled at the notion that she’ll be able to see Merlin. “I can’t wait,” she said, unsaddling and handing the reins to her horse to Arthur. “I must get ready,” she said to herself loud enough for Arthur to hear.

“Take all the time you need.”

Arthur would regret those words later that night when he sat among his advisers. Sylvy, their honored guest was over half an hour late and the others were beginning to feel on edge. Many of them were not planned for a meeting so soon after the one they had earlier that week. It was an unprompted get together for the lady in waiting’s sake, Arthur had explained to them.

On days like these Arthur was glad he was king and that there’d be grave consequences if he were murdered by one of his advisers. They would be in the right to do so, kill him that is; but he was hoping to live long enough to raise a couple of children with Merlin.

“Why are we doing this, Arthur?” Merlin asked, hiding a yawn with his hand. While Arthur was riding around the kingdom with Le Lubrique’s queen’s lady in waiting, Merlin was left to run the kingdom by himself. The haunted task of commanding and keeping an eye on so many people was taking its toll on the sorcerer. Merlin hadn’t properly slept in days, too busy keeping the kingdom in one piece.

“Sylvy wanted to be present for a council meeting. As a member of Le Lubrique’s court, we have to answer to her call until her stay is up.” Merlin gave him a look that called Arthur out on his poorly constructed plan. “And I may or may not want her to know that you’re taken.”

Merlin rolled his eyes along with most of the present court. They should all be used to Arthur’s antics at this point. What were they expecting? An honest to god meeting to discuss important topics with their visitor from foreign lands? Never. A fake meeting just so Arthur could flaunt the fact that Merlin loved him and not some conceited queen and her lady in waiting? That was more like it.

“Sometimes I can’t believe I asked you to marry me,” Merlin yawned again, giving Arthur a tired look in more ways than one.

“Feels just like a dream, doesn’t it?”

“More like a nightmare.”

“You love me,” Arthur opened up his arms so Merlin could take his place on the king’s lap. Merlin shook his head at the gesture, so incredibly done with Arthur. “Come on, Merlin. You know you like it here.” He teasingly patted his lap. “You can rest until our guest arrives.”

“Fine,” Merlin said begrudgingly after a moment of hesitation, his mind clouded by the want for sleep. “But you better wake me up when she comes.”

“Of course,” Arthur assured, inviting Merlin over once more. This time Merlin made himself home on Arthur’s lap, his head going to rest on Arthur’s chest. He curled in Arthur’s lap like second nature, having done this so many times over the years. Arthur wrapped his arms around the younger man, making sure he was supported and comfortable. Merlin fit perfectly nonetheless. Within moments, a soft snoring sound could be heard from the man on Arthur’s lap, content in where he sat. The second king finally got the rest he deserved. “I wouldn’t wake you for the world,” Arthur whispered, rubbing soothing circles on Merlin’s arm and leg.

Another half an hour passed achingly slowly without the esteemed lady in waiting’s presence. Arthur was about to call off the whole thing and make his way to his bedchamber when at last, the doors to the room opened to reveal Sylvy. She was no longer dressed in her usual servant attire with its cream apron and blue gray dress. Instead she had ransacked the queen’s wardrobe, wearing something befitting a ball.

The dress was elegant and detailed with silk and satin; a deep shade of bourbon that brought out her brown eyes. Her hand was even done up in cascading dark curls that perfectly fell from the knot atop her head. A glittering wine hair piece sat nestled against her hair, matching perfectly with the studs in her ears. She was beautiful even without the time spent enhancing what was already there, but now she stood ready to rule a kingdom.

Sylvy took her seat across from where Merlin would have sat. “Where is king Merlin?” she asked, not noticing that the man in question was currently sleeping on Arthur’s lap.

“I’m sorry for how unprepared we were, but I can relate to your troubles of not having enough hands to run a kingdom. My husband had taken the task of ruling all alone while I tended to your needs.” Arthur pressed a kiss to Merlin’s hair when he stirred in his sleep, continuing on his over sweetened words. “He’s beyond exhausted, but still wanted to take part in our meeting. Please understand that he really did try his best to stay awake.”

The emotions that crossed Sylvy’s face came in a blur; she was unreadable. But one thing was for sure, Arthur had won this small battle. He had shoved Merlin’s unquestionable favor for him in the lady in waiting’s face. Merlin was his and his alone. For good measure Arthur pressed a deep kiss onto Merlin’s lips, the sorcerer smiling in his sleep.

His advisers on the other hand felt cheated. If the death glares shot his way were anything to go by. Though there was one from Sylvy as well. A lot of people wanted him dead at the moment. But he was perfectly happy. They could string him up after the meeting for all he cared, the unintelligible look on Sylvy’s face was worth it. She was utterly speechless.

“I’m ever so sorry we were late to start, but would you like to commence this meeting?” Arthur asked like a gentleman with a cocky grin, making sure to stare right at Le Lubrique’s envoy.

-----

When Sylvy left Arthur rejoiced. She was finally out of his hair. Things could go back to normal and he could go back to spending his free time with Merlin instead of on horseback through a bare orchard. No matter how many times Arthur explained to Sylvy that their crops were not aided by magic like Le Lubrique’s, Sylvy insisted on seeing their “mortal” development.

Everything was put back into its rightful place. He couldn’t wait to put everything about Le Lubrique behind him and move on.

He was back on the throne with Merlin, leading the kingdom just as they were before the whole ordeal with Le Lubrique. Their advisers especially liked the fact that Arthur was back with Merlin; it meant less work for them. The moment that Sylvy left their grounds, Camelot’s advisers piled parchment after novel after demands on his table.

Those selfish bastards.

The so-called requests were so thick that Merlin didn’t even make a sarcastic comment comparing it to Arthur’s ass, and, or his thick skull; the warlock simply went to work. If Arthur himself wasn’t already terrified of the workload, he would have shocked himself to the grave at Merlin’s willingness to submit to their advisers. The two kings of Camelot knew when they met their match.

What felt like weeks passed where Arthur and Merlin did nothing but what their advisers ordered. They were slaves to their own court. The two didn’t leave their room for anything, not food, not training, not even a breath of fresh air. Their knights would occasionally knock on their door to make sure they were both still alive, but once the knights of the round table had been turned down a couple dozen times, they stopped caring. Merlin and Arthur shut off the world. They were practically locked in there, all because of their own doing.

Well, mostly Merlin’s doing. He was the one who invited the envoy over and wanted to make peace with the new kingdom. Arthur had nothing to do with that prolonged visit from the devil, he was only paying the price. His hands ached like it had been shorn off at the wrists, his back screaming for him to rest. He didn’t remember the last time he touched his bed, the neatly tucked in linens calling him to slumber. But he couldn’t, neither of them could until their work was done. Their kingdom depended on it and their kingdom came first, Arthur and Merlin’s comfort second. They both knew what they had signed up for when they decided to wed.

“A-Arthur,” Merlin groaned late one night, the sun mere minutes from the horizon.

Arthur immediately looked up from his book, putting his full attention on Merlin who was on the other side of the room. Neither of them had talked in days besides the few grunts they exchanged while passing over important text. The fact that Merlin was straining his voice now meant something serious was going on.

“What’s wrong?” Arthur coughed, his throat parched and dry as a desert.

“I-I-” Merlin began, rubbing harshly at his hurt eyes, “I think that’s the last one.” The sorcerer signed one more parchment with a flick of his wrist, setting it aside to dry along with the rest.

And the thing was, Merlin was right. There was no more work to go through, to tirelessly read; everything was finally done. “I’m so tired I don’t think I can see straight, b-but that was it!”

“What?”

“We’re finished, you clophole," Merlin smiled, taking Arthur’s breath away.

Arthur leapt out of his seat, pure joy masking the aches and pains as he rushed over to Merlin’s side. The king pulled the sorcerer from his chair, lifting the man into the air, Arthur kissed Merlin like it was their wedding day. Deep and full of all the longing he had for the man, grasping at him as if he could protect Merlin from the world.

He only pulled back for air, inhaling lungfuls before pressing his lips back against Merlin’s. Arthur missed his husband so damn much despite having worked across the room for each other. He hadn’t touched the other man in ages, it was heaven to feel his heartbeat beneath his pained fingers. To kiss down Merlin’s pale neck and mark him until the whole castle knew exactly what they had been up to. To pull at Merlin’s clothes, ripping his tunic right off of his chest, the buttons flying across the room.

“Arthur,” Merlin moaned, gently pushing Arthur back so he could speak. “I liked that shirt.”

Arthur thumbed at Merlin’s trousers, holding his hips tight enough to leave marks that Merlin would feel for days to come. “I’ll get you a new one.”

“But my mother made me that one,” Merlin complained, wrapping his arms around Arthur’s neck. His strong hand went to cup Arthur’s cheek, making the king look at him. Forcing the king to calm down and evaluate things. “We have to get something to eat too, dear,” Merlin told Arthur in a loving tone. “We’re both too exhausted for this.”

“I’m never too tired for you,” Arthur bit back, leaning into Merlin’s hand. He may have been putting his weight on Merlin’s desk so as to not fall over, but Merlin didn’t need to know that. Arthur could most definitely ravage Merlin while on the brink of death.

Merlin pulled Arthur close to kiss him softly, “If we go to bed now, then we can spend all of next day together,” Merlin tried to bargain, eyes teary from lack of any sort of sleep. “You’re going to hurt yourself, you ass,” he chuckled with a small smile that made his eyes crinkle with mirth.

“I don’t want to,” Arthur whined, “I’ve worked for weeks on end. Now I want my reward for behaving.” Arthur sat back on Merlin’s desk, pulling the man on top of him. The desk groaned under their combined weight, but Arthur hardly cared when he had Merlin on his lap and straddling his thighs. “You’re all I want.” He embraced Merlin, the warlock half naked and moaning as Arthur kissed along his arm. His mouth sucked at Merlin’s skin, teeth leaving markings on pale skin claiming Merlin as his. Arthur worshiped Merlin until his stormy eyes were hazy with unabated lust.

“Just you….”

Arthur slumped forward, out like a dying candle before he even knew it. Merlin had to stifle a laugh, though he doubted anything would wake Arthur then. The king was out cold, snoring like there was no tomorrow. Too bad Merlin had to carry his fat ass over to their bed. The warlock was beginning to rethink their plans for tomorrow. Sometimes he wished Arthur wasn’t such a stubborn ass and listened to him. It would save them both the trouble, Merlin was right most of the time after all.

“Get some rest, you oaf,” Merlin said to the asleep man, tucking him into their bed. Arthur’s blonde hair was like a halo against their stark white pillow, the dark bags underneath his eyes a contrast with the paleness of his skin. His old tunic was a dull red from overuse, the buttons holding onto the fabric for dear life. Merlin stripped Arthur of his boats and stuffy tunic leaving both men in their trousers. A much better way to sleep if anyone asked.

“Good night, Arthur,” Merlin whispered into Arthur’s ear, snuggling up against the king. He threw the blankets over himself and laid on Arthur’s chest. The pull of sleep had Merlin out just as quickly, the moment he allowed his breath to even out, there was nothing that would stop him from getting the well earned sleep that he so needed.

“Rest well, Merlin,” Arthur answered in a murmur, pulling Merlin in close. “Sweet dreams, you idiot.”

-----

“Arthur, calm down and try to see reason!” Merlin all but yelled at the king without his crown. The man in question was in his knight gear, armor and chainmail strapped tightly to his body for protection. His sword hung to his side, within reach at all times. Arthur could feel something ominous looming on the horizon, it was Merlin who was still seeing the world with rose colored glasses.

“I tried to see reason. I tried to play nice. And this is what I get in return,” Arthur gestured to the pile of charred wood on the round table. Wood that was once the homes of innocent farmers who played no part in the altercations of royals. People that Arthur was supposed to protect, their livelihoods and homes included. “We were nothing but good to them and this is what happened. Dozens of houses burned to nothing overnight!”

“We have to act now, Merlin.”

“Going in there with your swords raised in offence isn’t going to do anything but start an all out war,” Merlin insisted, urging Arthur to reel himself in, to not lash out at the closest thing. If it were anyone else Merlin would have already smacked them over the head for raising their voice at him. Unfortunately, Merlin was sleeping with the man and didn’t want to be smothered in his sleep. “That’s what Le Lubrique wants; a reason to fight. We can’t give them that.���

“Then what exactly do you expect us to do, Merlin?” Gwen piped in across the table from Merlin. Morgana stood to her side, eyes darting between all the speakers in a frenzy. “They attacked first. It’s only right that we return what they have given us.” Gwen picked up a piece of wood, charcoal rubbing off on her hands as she turned it over. “Arthur is right, we just can’t sit idle.”

Merlin stared at Gwen, hoping that she would be on his side on this. She solemnly shook her head, denying her friend’s offer. Gwen wanted to go on the offence just as much as Arthur, her friends were harmed when Le Lubrique’s soldiers set fire to a section of the kingdom. They burned down acres of farmland, dozens of homes with children and elderly. Luckily, nobody was killed in the process but many were harmed. Gwen wanted vengeance for them. She was a loyal ruler, loyal to her people.

“And we won’t,” Merlin bargained, “We won’t let them gain any more than they already have. No one here knows exactly what they want from us, but we do know that they’re willing to play dirty to get it,” he went on, talking with his hands to release some of the tension. “Let me be a spy and-”

“Absolutely not.”

“You didn’t let me finish.”

“No,” Arthur said firmly, daring Merlin to argue. “You stay right here with me. I will not have you risking your life for measly information.”

“It's not measly information, Arthur. It could be the difference between thousands dead and a simple treaty. We don’t know what Le Lubrique wants, but if we do, we could try to bargain with them. No blood needs to be shed,” Merlin tried, laying a hand on Arthur’s shoulder, forcing the man to look at him. “The queen wants me. She made that very clear. She won’t hurt me if she thinks I’m on her side.”

Arthur stared at Merlin, watching the sorcerer for any sign of hesitation. When he saw nothing of the sort Arthur sat down in his chair with a huff. Merlin really wanted to do this. Spy work is equal to a as rushing in with their flag flying and swords shining; both could end with Merlin buried six feet under. Even the implication had Arthur feeling like hell.

“How am I supposed to get anything done with you gone?” Arthur questioned genuinely, much to the snickers of the knights and ladies. “I can’t function without you,” this was whispered softly to Merlin, just for Merlin.

The anger and stress dissipated from Merlin’s eyes, his shoulders slacked in resignation. Realization slowly but surely dawned on the sorcerer. Arthur was simply afraid. The first king of Camelot was worried, on the brink of tears from it if anyone looked close enough. Merlin rolled his eyes, even after all these years Arthur was still undoubtedly the same.

Without a care for the other people in the room, Merlin sat down on Arthur’s lap, hands on the other’s chest to stabilize himself. Merlin leaned in close and pressed a kiss to Arthur’s lips, cradling his jaw like it was something breakable. “Everything will be alright, Arthur. I can protect myself just fine,” Merlin reassured in a careful voice, stroking Arthur’s cheek. “You won’t even notice I’m gone.”

“I always feel empty without you, Merlin." Arthur pulled Merlin in for another kiss, this one deeper than the last. The two only pulled away for air and even then they went back for more. They couldn’t have enough of the other, constantly needing to feel the other person. A give and take only the other could provide. “What am I supposed to do if you don’t return?” Arthur asked quietly, resting his forehead on Merlin’s. “How am I supposed to live?”

“I promise to you, you’ll never have to find out. You’re stuck with me," Merlin smirked, running his fingers through Arthur’s hair. "Till death do us part, darling.”

Arthur wished he could believe Merlin’s promise. He swore on his mother’s grave that if Merlin fulfilled his promise that he’ll listen to everything Merlin has to say. He’ll never question Merlin again, never talk back to the warlock, shove his stubbornness down and never speak of it again. Arthur would have done anything for Merlin, only the man asked.

Not a month later Arthur received news in the form of a messenger. Le Lubrique had declared war on any who dared try to take the last living dragonlord from them. Merlin was theirs, they stated, the dragonlord belonged to dragon tamers. The two are vital for the continuation of dragons in the old religion. One to gain their trust, the other to keep the creatures in chains where they belong. Any and all who tried to take away their dragonlord would be faced with lethal consequences.

At that Arthur sent the messenger to be put into the stocks. Lethal consequences. Arthur will show them just how deadly he could be. Le Lubrique will pay, a month without Merlin was torture but if they dared to lay a hand on Merlin they would all burn. Gwen was absolutely right, Arthur required vengeance, he wanted them all to feel just what angering Camelot will do, what angering him will do.

And after making such a claim over Merlin’s life, Arthur will show them no mercy. Le Lubrique had declared war on Camelot and Arthur would answer tenfold.

------

It took around two weeks for Arthur to prepare for battle against a kingdom full of sorcerers. Another week was spent traveling with his soldiers over land and sea. Through it all he couldn’t help but be eaten alive by the nagging feeling that he was too late. That he would arrive only to find ash; bones if he was lucky. Day and night he was slowly being killed by the fact that he could very well be walking into his husband’s grave.

“He’s going to be okay,” Morgana reassured him one day as he leaned against the railing of their ship. They were perhaps an hour if not less from shore and Arthur hadn’t slept a wink. He could feel exhaustion mixing with the worry brewing in his mind, ready to overflow at a single inconvenience. His sword was once again at his side, the memory making everything so much worse. “Merlin will be teasing you for worrying so much if he were here.”

“But he isn’t, is he, Morgana?” Arthur said more harshly than he intended. “He could already be dead for all we know.” And it would be all Arthur’s fault, though he kept that notion to himself. By the look on Morgana’s face, she must have been thinking the same thing.

“It's not your fault, Arthur. Merlin chose to go on his own free will.”

“But I was the one who allowed it,” Arthur bit back, standing straight on his feet. “I sent him to his death.”

“You don’t know that,” Morgana crossed her arms. She should be used to Arthur’s self destructive behavior but even this was getting too much for her. “If what that messenger said was true, Merlin’s probably being pampered to death.”

That seemed to be the wrong thing to have said because Arthur’s despair did not lighten. It seemed to have gotten worse. “What if he likes it better with Le Lubrique’s court? I’m no warlock, I can’t compete with their magic!”

“Arthur, you’re overthinking this,” Morgana was done with Arthur’s antics. She was ready to gag him and throw him in the ship’s makeshift prison cell until they had properly docked. “Merlin will run right into your arms the moment he sees you. I’m willing to bet on it, just you wait and see. Merlin loves-”

At Morgana’s silence, Arthur looked over to the direction of her gaze. Their ship was making speed but Arthur suddenly wished they had stopped right where they were and sink. The sight took Arthur’s breath away, making his blood go cold. Le Lubrique was burning and it looked like it had been burning for a very long time. There was no shoreside to speak of, just endless flickering flames. Where the castle should have been standing tall like a beacon was nothing but flames, ruble, and ash.

“Merlin!” Arthur yelled even though his voice would not carry that far. “Merlin!” he called again, his heart sinking to his stomach. He wanted to drown at sea. He never wanted to reach the shore, to be lost in the ocean and never have to face what he already knew was there. The absence of what he knew should’ve been. “Merlin!” he shouted even though it was futile.

“Arthur, please!” Morgana struggled to pull him back from the side, afraid he’ll jump and swim the rest of the way himself. Or worse. “Just an hour, please. That’s all you have to wait for. You- you don’t know for sure.” Even Morgana was not so sure of her words, the picture in front of them was hard to paint as lies.

“I sent him to his death….” Arthur whimpered, “I killed him. I killed my husband.” The king sank to his knees, kneeling next to Morgana. The woman could barely hide the tears in her eyes at the sight. Everything she wanted to say, every reassurance died on her tongue. Whatever she said could very well be a lie and nothing more.

“We will make them pay, Arthur. We will make them pay for what they’ve done,” Morgana decided instead, pulling Arthur to his feet. “They won’t get away with this,” she stated sternly, much like their father when he had set his mind to something.

Less than an hour passed where the tension was so thick, one could slice through it with an unsharpened sword. All on board prepared for battle, despite the fact that the fires never stopped burning. Regardless of the fact that they might be too late to be of much good. The fighting had already begun long before they docked, a civil war where the same flag was flying on opposite sides.

“Go search for what is left, we’ll handle everything else,” Gwen informed Arthur when they stepped foot on the raging battlefield. She was dressed in chainmail armor just like everyone else, Camelot’s colors making her blend in with the searing fires. Her helmet was covering most of her face, giving her the appearance of a frightening soldier ready to take lives at a moment's notice. If Arthur was in a better mood, he would have been sorry for the folks who would come face to face with Gwen, the quick footed soldier instead of Gwen, the gentle, kind hearted high lady. At the moment he was on the verge of breaking and was ever so glad that Gwen was as cut throat as she was.

“Thank you,” Arthur told her from the bottom of his heart, “We should have listened to you from the start.”

“You followed your husband’s request, I can’t fault you for that.” She pulled Arthur in for a hug before sending him off. “Go find our king.”

Gwen didn’t have to tell Arthur twice, he was off before she finished speaking. The only thing is his mind was finding and holding Merlin. Nothing else mattered. Not the war thriving around him, swords clashing, arrows flying, Camelot’s red against the duality of Le Lubrique’s purples; nothing. The sorcerer was all that was worth living for and Arthur had a guess as to where Merlin would be.

The castle with Le Lubrique’s flag flapping against the blistering wind was as good as any place to start. Arthur climbed the hill that the palace stood on with lead in his stomach. It felt like every step he took he was merely walking into a trap. The castle should not still be in one piece, the battles around the structure should have made it no more than debris. However, it still stood on weak support.

Going against the nagging voice in the back of his head Arthur called out for his husband, “Merlin!” He walked closer to what would have been the courtyard. Around the perimeter were burning shrubbery that must have been a sight to behold at one point in time. Now there were nothing more than flares and the source of black smoke. The cobblestone center was stained with a drying red that Arthur did not want to face the source of. “Merlin!” Arthur sounded out in the courtyard.

“Arthur,” a hoarse voice groaned weakly. Arthur ran in the direction it came from, his sense of self preservation be damned. Merlin’s life could be on the line.

“Merlin, stay with me. Keep talking!”

“I-I’m over here,” Merlin hissed out helpfully, not informing Arthur where, “here” exactly was. Why did Arthur have to marry such a buffoon? Sure, no one could compare to Merlin, but at the very least he could have courted a smarter man.

“I’m coming, just stay where you are,” Arthur said hastily, rushing through the crumbling courtyard. “Don’t you dare die on me, I’ll kill you myself if you do!” he threatened, searching every nook and cranny for the warlock.

“That’s my line, you ass,” Merlin moaned in complaint, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. “Come up with your own catchphrases.”

Sometimes Arthur couldn’t believe his choice in a partner. Merlin was really making banter with him while possibly on the brink of death. He was definitely going to kill Merlin for this. “Make me, you bastard,” Arthur cursed, rounding a sharp corner that fell apart as he passed it. His breath was taken away for the second time that day when he saw Merlin on the ground.

They were in what must have been a parlor, the stained glass windows shattered on the ground as a number of the fine furniture burned to cinder. Arthur could imagine the room as something beautiful if he were to be invited over for tea. Now he just saw it as a smoking mess, something that he was glad was going up in flames. Though, without him or Merlin in it would be nice.

“There you are!” Arthur exclaimed, rushing over and kneeling on the floor next to Merlin’s frame. The sorcerer was half naked with sharp nail marks littered across his pale skin. Merlin’s neck was a raring red as if a hand had been wrapped around his throat which didn’t let up until he passed out from the lack of air. His form was covered in a thin sheen of sweat and tears, his rib cage stuck out in unpleasant angles. It looked like he hadn’t been fed in days. The sight made Arthur furious, but Le Lubrique’s court could wait. Arthur had to get Merlin to safety first.

“Took you long enough, you oaf,” Merlin hissed through his teeth, his lips chapped from dehydration. The corner of his mouth was bleeding as if he had been back handed across the face. Arthur reached out a hand to touch it, to make sure Merlin was real and not just some illusion made by a sick sorcerer. “Stop that, it already hurts to talk,” Merlin coughed, his eyes hazy.

“What happened?” Arthur couldn’t help but ask, shrugging off his cape to throw over Merlin’s bare chest. It didn’t offer much coverage but it was protection against the flying embers. As a bonus it covered the markings that made Arthur’s skin crawl.

“I arrived under the guise of an envoy, just as we had planned. Everything seemed to be going fine, but they found out I was a spy early on. It was like they could read my mind, and I don’t doubt that they have the knowledge just for the spell,” Merlin explained, pulling Arthur’s cape close, the soft fabric offering a sense of shelter. “But they didn’t seem to care that I was there under ulterior motives. They were only glad to have me, mind and body,” Merlin shivered at the thought. “Le Lubrique’s queen wanted me to father her children.”

Merlin paused to let the thought sink in. He watched Arthur for his reaction. Arthur’s face twisted in a disgusted sneer, baring his teeth at the implication. The king clenched his fists until his nails dug deep enough into his palm to drag blood. Arthur wanted to feel the pain, something to ground him farther so he didn’t march off to kill someone who might already be dead.

“Le Lubrique wanted dragons as slaves, no king would be dumb enough to go to war with a kingdom with dragons on their side; no matter its size,” Merlin went on, his eyes glowing yellow at the notion. “They needed me as a stud.”

Arthur was repulsed at the notion that Le Lubrique would even conceive of such a thing. He must have looked ready to vomit because Merlin quickly added, “Le Lubrique’s queen even tried to make herself appealing to me when I denied her advances.” Arthur could only imagine what the woman did. Sylvy’s antics immediately came to mind. “She magicked her hair blonde and made her eyes your shade of blue.”

Arthur couldn’t help but darkly chuckle at that. Of all the ways to make Merlin fall for someone, blonde hair and blue eyes weren’t it. “Did she really think looking like me would get you to bed her?”

“No,” Merlin began again with a pained yelp that he tried to hide. “What she said was what made me comply.”

“What did she say?” Arthur growled, his earlier fury seeping back into his bloodstream. “What did that harlot say?”

“She threatened your life, Arthur. Your honor, your dignity, and reign as king. Everything,” Merlin got teary eyed at the memory. “The way she took her pleasure from me was painful, but it was nothing compared to the thought of what she said she would have done to you.”

Arthur was shaking with rage, his whole body trembled with the urge to tear Le Lubrique’s queen apart, limb by limb by his own bare hands. His hand hovered over his sword subconsciously. He wanted to kill her, needed to destroy her for what she’s done. For the fear she incited into Merlin. Arthur was bloodthirsty; he hoped that Gwen was just as demanding of blood.

“I wanted to kill her.” Merlin’s quivering voice brought Arthur back to the present. “Let me kill her, Arthur,” Merlin begged his husband, his lip beginning to bleed.

“Of course,” Arthur wiped Merlin’s tears away with his thumb, his hand caressing Merlin’s cheek gently. “Anything you want, I’ll give it to you in a heartbeat.”

“Now, Arthur. I want to kill her now.” Merlin tried to sit up but the cry of pain had him falling right back to where he was. “She deserves to suffer.” His eyes lit up in a gold light, trying to magic his way upright but failed and fell down once more. The warlock’s body was in a worse state than he appeared, he shook in a cold sweat like an infection induced fever.

When Merlin began coughing fistfuls of blood at the strain Arthur was forced to act quickly. The king straddled Merlin’s legs, sitting down on his lap to keep Merlin on the ground. “Shhh, I’m here, Merlin. I’m safe, I’m alive,” Arthur barricaded Merlin with his arms. “I’ll bring you her head, I swear.”

“Let me do it, Arthur. I can kill her myself,” Merlin barked, another fit of coughs had him squeezing his eyes shut.

“I’ll bring her to you, alive. You can do anything you want with her court,” Arthur tried a different approach, tears forming in his eyes at the sight of Merlin in this state. “You can make her pay for what she’s done, make her feel the same pain. But please, Merlin,” Arthur begged, stroking Merlin’s face as tears fell on the man’s face. “Stay with me. Keep talking.”

Merlin opened his eyes at Arthur’s request, pain painting them a disorientating blue. “It hurts, Arthur. She did so, so many horrible things,” Merlin admitted in the burning parlor room. He reached out angry scarred arms to wrap around Arthur, pulling the king flush against his chest. “Everything aches, it feels like I’m being burned alive.” Merlin had Arthur in a death grip, there was barely enough room for either of them to breathe. It felt like home.

“They will pay, this I swear,” Arthur made an oath, kissing Merlin to make it true. “By the end of this day their bodies will be put on display for all to see.” He kissed down Merlin’s neck, burying Le Lubrique’s queen’s markings with his own. “Do you want her kingdom as well, Merlin? Say the word and it's yours.”

“I want you. I want her gone. I want her kingdom. I want it all,” Merlin’s mind was spinning with searing fever, screaming pain, and the constant pleasure of Arthur licking at his throat. He squeezed Arthur’s neck with his shaking arms. “Give me everything.”

In a burning parlor of a dying country with a queen and court that abandoned it, the first king of Camelot made a vow to the second king; an apology and a promise. Everything the licking fire was eating, everything destroyed by its own queen; the country, and the sea that surrounded it. The never ending farmlands, the people that survived, and the bones that would be buried by ash of its own making. The entire kingdom; dead, dying, or thriving. All of it would be Merlin’s.

All of it is Merlin’s.

“My king shall have everything.”

#arthur pendragon x merlin #merlin x arthur #arthur x merlin #bbc merlin #merlin bbc #merlin emrys #merlin #merthur #guinevere #arthur pendragon #knights of the round table #guinevere pendragon #bbc arthur #king arthur #king merlin #arthurian legend #gwen #morgana #morgana pendragon #bbc gwen #gwen pendragon #arthur #morgwen #bbc merthur #fanfic #fanfic writing #fan fic #fan fiction #fanfiction #fanfic rec

[angstsfordays]

Beautiful Pain (2)

Chapter Two- Here I Am

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced! Reader

Summary: Post-Blip, you started to feel lost when most of the Avengers team are gone. Coping with your loss, you still find hope in the connection with your remaining friends. However, it is not easy as everyone is trying to figure their lives after the Blip.

Having a long history with Bucky ever since you both saved each other from Hydra, you were still glad you had Bucky after all this time. However, as you try to give Bucky space to find himself after being pardoned for his past, you start to wonder if you should ever cross the line of friendship before it’s too late.

That thought might have to be put on hold though, when you, Sam and Bucky find yourselves having to deal with threats that continue to rise in a post-Blip world.

Chapter synopsis: Shocking news brought you and Bucky back together with Sam. You three find out that a new threat arises in a post-Blip world.

Warnings: A bad word or two or three because come on, John Walker is in this chapter.

Word count: 4.5k

Notes: This chapter is nothing too crazy but warming up as it delves into the tv series' storyline. Here you can see how the reader's character plays out in the storyline.

I started a tag list for this series! Let me know if you want to join in with a message or comment in the chapters!

Leave a like, reblog or comment to let me know what you think! 🥰

Previous: Prologue | Chapter One |

Next: Chapter Three

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Bucky promised to make your coffee while you went to take a shower after you came back. Switching off the hairdryer, you placed it back in its place before stepping out of the bathroom.

Perking up at the sound of the television, you made your way to find Bucky sitting on the floor. Seeing he made no sign of acknowledgement at your presence, you looked up to see what he was so entranced at.

Eyes averting to the screen, you saw a man being interviewed at what seemed like a stadium in the background. Scanning over his features, you quickly noticed the familiarity in his suit and how he was supposed to remind you of someone you held dear in your heart.

The caption that appeared on the bottom of the screen only added on to confirm your suspicions. A sudden rush of emotions started to wash over you like a huge tide.

Disbelief. Outrage. The nerve.

You glanced over to Bucky who was sitting still with a disbelieving look when the announcer asked her next question.

“Did you know Steve Rogers?” Before you knew it, you already started to shake your head in disapproval as the man, John Walker started to respond to the question.

He spoke of how he closely followed Steve’s career as an Avenger and drew inspiration in his work from Steve, citing him as a role model. Nodding in satisfaction at John’s answer, the announcer continued. “You’ve always wanted to be a hero?”

John Walker answered that he liked that his job would help to make people feel safe. He added how Steve was someone who was able to accomplish that and gave him hope.

While his answers sounded pleasant enough, you couldn’t help but feel displeased with it. His next sentence only served to make you feel worse.

“Even though I never met him, he feels like a brother.” John Walker could have chosen any other words. Mentor. Role model. The fact that he said brother like as if he wanted to draw some sort of association to Steve felt wrong.

You immediately kneeled down to Bucky’s level and waited for him to look back at you. Bucky shook his head while clenching his jaw tight.

“Buck….” Whispering his name gently, you hoped to get him to open up on what he was feeling.

“This is just wrong. I can’t believe….how could Sam even-” Struggling to put together his emotions properly, you gave him a soothing rub on his shoulders to ease his flustered state.

“I know, I understand.” You went ahead to embrace him in a side hug. Bucky leaned in and rested his head in the crook of your neck, relishing in the comfort you were giving to him.

“We need to talk to Sam.” He gave you an affirmative stare before you nodded in agreement.

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Waiting around absent-mindedly at the hangar, you were brought back to focus when you heard Bucky speak up and already walking towards Sam.

“Shouldn’t have given up the shield.” You could hear how Bucky was trying to hold in his distaste and quickly followed behind him.

“Good to see you, Buck.” Sam acknowledged him in response. You could tell that Sam was trying to avoid the topic of conversation as he continued in his tracks only to stop when his eyes met yours.

“How’ve you been doing?” Sam took a step forward to give you a quick hug and you grinned at the sight of your friend.

“I’ve been good, Sam. How about you?” You asked to which he said he was doing alright.

“You still not tired of him?” Sam made a quip and you bit your lips to prevent a burst of laughter from coming out. You nervously glanced to see Bucky not looking one bit amused by the exchange and averted your eyes away.

“This is wrong.” Bucky tried to bring up the topic again to which Sam tried to put down. He remarked that he was now working and whatever outrage Bucky was having had to wait.

They continued their argument as they bickered back and forth about their views on John Walker becoming the new Captain America. Even saying that in your head left a sour taste.

Sam tried telling Bucky that there was nothing he could do to rectify the situation. He gave the shield away to the government and it was no longer in his hands. Retracting the decision simply cannot be done.

You understood both of their perspectives and you couldn’t take a side entirely. Yes, you all felt the heavy emotions about having Steve’s legacy just handed over to someone who you weren’t even sure was deserving of it. John Walker might be an exemplary soldier but he wasn’t the one that Steve chose to take over him.

Then again, you recalled how Sam was still unsure if he could leave up to Steve’s legacy and even remarked that the shield didn’t feel like it wasn’t his own, but someone else’s. You were sure that it was definitely not an easy decision for Sam to make and he wouldn’t have made it if he knew what the government had decided to do with the shield once they had their hands on it.

You winced at the heated exchange as your friends continued to assert their points. Sam had enough of the conversation and stressed that he now has work that he needed to attend to. Bucky scoffed at how Sam could even disregard the matter but Sam went on to tell you two about an online group called the Flag Smashers that seemed to have connections with rebel organisations across Europe.

He had intel from Redwing about their last known location and that was where he was heading to. Bucky gave a disapproving look and talked about his mistrust of the tech.

Even though Bucky was dear to you, you couldn’t help to sigh at how stubborn he is.

Sam went on to say that he wants to check if this group could be part of the Big Three. Bucky gave a confused look before asking what’s that. Sam looked like he couldn’t believe what Bucky had just said.

The two continued to have another exchange, but one that you now observed to be light-hearted and displaying their child-like tendencies only when they are around each other. You shook your head and just thought, men.

Sam decided he didn’t have time for any more banter and made his way to the plane with Bucky insisting on going with him. Well, guess that’s where you’re heading then.

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Somehow, Bucky managed to get his hands on a tactical jacket and suited up. You looked down to your tailored suit, one that you often wore as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent. It was not the most mission friendly, but it will do.

It had been an hour since you have boarded the plane but Bucky and Sam had not spoken since. You found yourself to be the buffer between the two and couldn’t help but feel a little awkward.

“Hey Y/N.” Your head tilted up from looking at the ground when you heard Sam calling for you.

“Yeah?”

“Sorry, I haven’t been in touch but what’ve you been up to lately?”

“Oh, not much. I recently reached out to Wanda, wanted to see how she was doing.” Sam nodded in understanding before continuing to ask if you had found any work. You weren’t sure where to start because you didn’t know how to.

Given your condition as an enhanced and recalling your last meeting with someone from the state office, you couldn’t find do much without getting on their radar. You were lucky you still had some money left to tide you over but you honestly do not know how you were ever going to get a proper job.

“I’ve been volunteering with a social service centre.” You answered after taking some time. When Sam gave you a surprising look to your answer, you started cracking your knuckles- a habit you had when you got nervous. Sensing your nerves, Sam decided to withhold himself from prying further.

“That’s nice to hear. An unexpected career change but it’s a good job.” He tried to reassure you.

“Yeah, I’m still not sure what I want. You know after everything that has happened.” Sam did not say anything else but just nodded in agreement.

You suddenly felt a hand on yours and looked to see Bucky glancing at you with slight concern. You tried to muster up a smile to show that you were alright.

Looking down to the ground again, you missed the intense staring contest that started between the two men as Torres announced the one-minute mark before drop-off. When you heard the plane door being opened, the two men went forward to get their comms.

Bucky passed you yours before turning to ask Sam on what’s the plan. Sam kept silent and Bucky scoffed at the fact that Sam had none.

“No, you can’t call me that.’” Bucky retorted when Sam called him Buck.

Sam questioned why not and claimed that you and Steve could call him that.

“Steve knew me longer and I actually like Y/N so she can call me that. Steve also always had a plan.” You took a double-take at what Bucky just said and tried not to overthink. He only meant you were tolerable in his eyes compared to Sam.

Sam could not deal with Bucky’s attitude before walking off to the door and countering that he indeed had a plan. When Bucky asked once more about it, Sam just leapt off without a reply.

Rolling his eyes, Bucky asked Torres for the parachute but was told that there wasn’t any. Bucky stalked off towards the door and claimed he didn’t need one anyway. Torres gave him a second glance and asked if he was sure.

Bucky affirmed that he was fine and then proceeded to tear off the sleeve of his jacket. You had to control yourself from laughing out loud at his dramatics and he glanced back at you.

“Buck, you know I can help you down-” You tried to convince him before he jumped off first and you heard the yelling after.

Letting out a groan at your stubborn 106-year-old friend, you rested your hands on your waist as you looked out the door over the landscape.

“Mam?” Torres looked over at you in curiosity.

“I’m not that old, Lieutenant.” You grimaced at how he addressed you even if it was a sign of respect.

Huffing out a sigh, you thought here goes nothing.

Fisting your hands by your side, you took a deep breath and channel your energy towards your palms. Fanning your hands out, Torres was taken aback when energy flames emitted from your palms and you used it to propel yourself off the ground and out of the door.

It has been a while since you flew and you took a moment to steady yourself before trying to look for where Bucky landed.

You could hear Sam talking to Bucky on the comms about his less than graceful fall and couldn’t help but giggle before finding your way to the building with Bucky. You had to stifle your laughter when Bucky tried to swipe Redwing off as his irritation grew.

Once you met up with Sam, he went to note that the people you were after were in the building. Your friends being the ‘friends’ that they were started to clash once more about how to go about this mission.

Bucky went to use his expertise as an assassin to assess the situation and stealthily walked ahead first. Sam was amused at how he came out as a white panther after his time in Wakanda to which Bucky corrected as white wolf.

Sam gave you a confused look to which you shrugged your shoulders in response. It was a story for another time.

The two of you caught up to Bucky faster than he thought. When the two started bickering again about the next course of action and trying to one-up the other, you had enough and placed your hands over both parties mouth to shush them.

“Enough the both of you, I feel like a kindergarten teacher with two children engaging in childish conflict.” You hissed to show your annoyance at the both of them. Seeing you this upset got Sam and Bucky to take a step back and tone it down.

When you let go of your hands, you expected them to behave but they continued to stare at each other. Bucky wanted to quickly proceed while Sam wanted to wait it out. Their bickering caused a slight commotion and you were suddenly wary that you might have alerted the group of your presence.

All three of you stood still before observing that it was all still good. You heard someone instructing the group to get a move on and Sam used Redwing to check that there might be a hostage on board.

Once you heard the vehicles rolling out, all of you sprang into action. You and Sam took to the air while Bucky went full speed ahead on the grounds. Everything happened so fast all at once and before you knew it, Bucky opened the doors of the truck and spotted the hostage. He noted that medicines and vaccines were in the truck.

As you processed the information, you could hear him talking to the hostage before you heard the loud slam next.

You saw Bucky suddenly got shoved back and slammed into the front of the truck that was following behind. You noted a redhead woman who put on a mask and then the other two men who hauled Bucky up to the roof of the truck.

Seeing that both men whom you assumed were incredibly strong to hold Bucky down, you went for those guys first while Sam took care of the woman. You tried throwing a few punches at them but they barely flinched.

You turned your back to see Sam being thrown off to the next truck by the woman and another huge man with shoulder-length hair going for Sam. Who were these guys and how did they have such strength? It was almost like they were….

Your next thoughts were interrupted when you sensed a fist coming your way to which you dodged. You tried to hold your ground by avoiding the attacks. They keep coming relentlessly and you knew you couldn’t hold back. You had to use your powers now.

Channelling your powers to your fist, you sent a blast of energy to knock down the two men that held Bucky down. The woman turned to look at you in surprise at the sight of your abilities.

You wanted to go for the man that was about to attack Sam before you heard the sound of metal clashing. Your head tilted up to see a helicopter with someone peering down. He swooped down onto the truck and you immediately recognised who he was.

Why was he even here? You briefly thought before you turned your focus to the fight. John Walker proceeded to use the shield almost effortlessly to knock down members of the Flag Smashers before introducing himself. His partner followed after. They both claimed to help before everyone started to focus on their own fights.

You used your powers to knock people over and fend yourself. In the midst of all the actions, you noticed that Bucky got knocked down and was holding onto the bottom of the truck, avoiding to fall flat onto the road surface. You wanted to help him but got stopped by the man with shoulder-length hair.

You raised both hands surging with flaming energy and saw how he stood still for a moment. You believed that he was more hesitant knowing you were an enhanced individual.

“Be warned, this might leave a burn.” You were nice enough to give a heads up. Before he could take another step further, his companions took you by a chokehold. You grabbed onto the person’s arms and gave them a slight burn.

The person exclaimed in pain and let go. You saw that Bucky and Sam were nowhere in sight while John Walker’s partner was out. Another person came for you and you let out a burst of energy that blinded everyone in their surroundings with its sheer brightness.

You saw how everyone hunched over and the shoulder-length haired man started backing down and it led to him leaning over to almost fall off the truck.

On instinct, you went over to grab his hand. Even though he was the enemy, you didn’t want to take lives unnecessarily. You felt him grabbing onto your arm tightly and pulled him back up by having your right arm blasting energy to weigh you down on where you stood.

He managed to recover and you left him be. You looked over to see John Walker taking on the redheaded woman but to no avail as he got shoved off the truck and landed on the front of a car below.

Seeing that you were the only one left, you gulped as you realised you were outnumbered. Should you even take the risk? Before you can think of your next actions, someone came up from behind you again and you quickly turned to intercept.

What you lacked in strength, you made sure to utilise your powers. You managed to slam the person down in a chokehold which you learnt from Natasha and aimed a fist that was covered in energy flames.

You heard a loud ‘NO’ and before you realised you were picked up and dragged off to be thrown off the truck. Quickly gathering your energy to soften your blow, you barely floated off the ground as your energy acted as a cushion to lift you off the surface.

Letting yourself stand steady on the ground, you didn’t give John Walker and his partner a second look before you flew off to find your friends.

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When you found Bucky and Sam, they were huddled together in a flower field. The two of them looked more irritated than ever. You gave both of them a hand and pulled them up. You gave Bucky a glance over and noticed he had a bruise forming near his eyes.

He shook it off like it was nothing and asked after you. You reassured him that you were alright, just a little worn out. You asked after Sam and was glad to know he did not sustain any major injuries.

The three of you decided to make your way back on foot. The road ahead looked far and Sam started to strike up a light-hearted conversation with Bucky. You quietly listened in as you were too tired to even bother participating.

You smirked at how even though Sam was trying to tick Bucky off, you knew he only had good intentions to check on Bucky’s state of mind.

Bucky ignored whatever Sam said and then noted that there was a need to find out where the group back there got their super serums from. Sam couldn’t fathom how eight super soldiers were on the loose after eighty years.

You chimed in that you thought that the super-soldiers were eliminated in Siberia years ago. As you three were figuring out, you heard a vehicle coming from behind you. You saw it was John Walker and he stopped slightly ahead to open the door for you three.

You were almost slightly tempted to save your aching legs if not for the fact you weren’t so keen on him.

The men were all in a discussion about the group and you could all confirm for a fact that they weren’t part of the Big Three. In fact, they had to be super soldiers. John Walker proposed to work together but Bucky wasn’t having any of it.

“Just because you carry the shield doesn’t mean you’re Captain America.” Bucky shot back harshly. John Walker with that thick skin of his brushed it off and countered that he was more than qualified.

You could not stop yourself from intervening this time.

“Being Captain America is more than about just being a good soldier! There’s a lot more where it comes from.” Sam and Bucky felt the emotions from your statement, knowing that it wasn’t just out of distaste for the new ‘Captain’ but of how you really felt about Steve’s legacy.

Hearing your words, John Walker let out a sigh before continuing to persuade everyone again. He claimed that it was still a long way to the airport and that you should just accept the ride. Asking the driver to stop the vehicle once more, you, Sam and Bucky gave each other another look before you all hopped on.

Sam went in first. Bucky was ahead of you but stopped short before holding your hand to help you up. You took the seat next to Sam and Bucky took his place beside you. Looking across John and his partner who you remembered was Lemar from earlier.

Everyone started discussing about the Flag Smashers and what their purpose was. You listened in until you heard something from John that made you livid. He remarked how the serum doesn’t exactly have a great track record and meant no offence as he glanced at Bucky.

“Offense is already taken! How dare you-” You burst out before being motioned to calm down by Sam. Bucky was moved that you stood up for him.

“Woah easy there.” John tried to look innocent before Sam interjected and continued on the topic of the Flag Smashers. You learnt that John and Lemar managed to track you three by hacking into Redwing. They were acting on behalf of the government to keep things stable while resources were being managed, claiming there were violent revolutionaries happening post-Blip.

John went on to propose that you, Sam and Bucky should team up with them but Bucky flat out refused in a second. Lemar then went on to quip that all of you weren’t really handling it well until they stepped in.

“Y/N.” You scrunched your face in response when John called you like a familiar friend.

“I have only seen you from your profile but I must say I am glad to finally meet you. You look even prettier in person.”

If looks could kill, John would be dead a hundred times over under Bucky’s death stare.

You wanted to blanch at John’s word but controlled your expression. You tried to return a polite smile as he continued on.

“Why didn’t you accept our offer to be recruited to our team?” You gave a bewildered look before realization dawned upon you. The government official from that time wanted you to join Walker?

“What is he talking about, Y/N?” Bucky perked up at the new information and you looked over nervously, unsure what to say.

“When we were first brought together, we wanted to recruit Y/N here to be part of the team. We see her as a great asset given her powers and abilities. It would be amazing if we have her on our side.” You looked over to see Bucky literally looking like he was going to combust.

Bucky really hated the word asset, knowing that was how he was addressed back in the days. The word had a connotation of objectification and he was mad that John actually used it to describe you. You were more than that.

“Yeah, you should join us. We could really use your help. You were literally the last one standing with the Flag Smashers back there!” Lemar egged on.

“When was this?” Bucky asked with a tinge of hurt in his voice. He couldn’t believe you didn’t tell him about it at all.

“It was several months ago Buck, I refused their offer straight out.” You answered him before looking straight at John and Lemar.

“I did not want to give them a chance to exploit me for my powers. I know your type. You claim to appreciate what I can offer but I would never be free of my own will.” Your words were sharp and laid with revulsion.

“They only seek me to control me, they are afraid of what happens if I am left unsupervised.” You added with finality. You spared no sugar-coating and everyone kept silent for a moment.

This was the price to be someone like you in this world. Even when you know you won’t do anything out of turn, the government bodies would never trust you.

John pretended to clear his throat before speaking. “Y/N. I can assure you that I will do my very best to make sure that does not happen if you join me. I will speak up for you.”

No, you won’t. You can’t. You wanted to shoot back.

Bucky placed his hand over yours and held onto it as his way to show his care. He then went to ask again who Lemar was and Sam chimed in that he needed to know more. When Lemar gave his alias, that tipped the iceberg for Bucky before he called for the vehicle to stop.

He then immediately stepped down and started stalking off. John tried to call after Bucky and talk sense into him but of course, Bucky didn’t care for it.

He then went on to try to tell you and Sam that he wasn’t trying to be Steve or replace him and that he just wanted to be the best Captain America he could be.

You scoffed out loud at his words as it only served to rile you up. His next sentence took you off the edge.

“It’ll be a whole lot easier if I have Cap’s wingman by my side.” Disgusting. Does he even know what he was saying? You look over to see Sam in disbelief and you felt angry for him.

“It’s always that last line,” Sam said before you and he proceeded to step down from the vehicle.

“Eat shit, John.” You spat at him before you turned your back. You couldn’t go before you showed your loathing for him. Sam clapped your back and shook his head to tell you that Walker wasn’t worth it.

-------------------------//---------------------------

It was tense on the way back, but it was now for an entirely different reason compared to the first time. Sam checked in on you and Bucky to which you reassured him that you were alright.

“Let’s take the shield, Sam,” Bucky spoke up for the first time since the flight back.

Sam countered that it was not something that could be done simply and reminded him of a past similar event. The shield was technically government property and there was no way we could take it back without starting something.

Sam recapped how Sharon, Steve and he became fugitives and how he never wanted to live that life again. You couldn’t say anything to that knowing you managed to get a free pass in Wakanda alongside Bucky.

You all had no information to start with regarding the super soldiers but Bucky claimed otherwise. There was someone that Sam and you should meet.

-------------------------//---------------------------

That's it for chapter 2! I figured it will get too long if I cover the whole of ep 2 so I stopped here! We continue off on the next chapter! 😆

Tag list:

@tanyaherondale @spookycereal-s

#bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes #tfatws #thefalconandthewintersoldier #angstsfordays #beautiful pain #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader

[criminalmutantsins]

Top 10 Favorite Young Justice Characters

10. Jaime Reyes/Blue Beetle

Starting off the list is Blue Beetle. Young Justice introduced me to him, and I was hooked. He’s probably the most mellow and calming voice. His arc and relationship with Bart (friendship or not) were my favorite aspects of S2. They bounced off each other in every scene. I was very disappointed when Jaime and Bart were sidelined so much, and hope S4 changes this (particularly with Bart).

Jaime in the number 10 spot since he doesn’t really have much of a memorable personality. Still love him to bits though.

        9. Will Harper/Red Arrow

Funny enough, I did not like Will. He was an asshole in S1; S2 kind of changed my mind about him but not enough since he didn’t appear as much. What really changed my mind was the episode “Private Security” (S3 Ep.4). I started looking back into Will’s storylines and, I have to admit, his is probably one of the best character development.

The first season had him unwillingly living a lie and betraying the people he cared for. In season 2 he was so consumed into finding the original Roy for five years, not even caring or focusing about his own life. I felt really bad for Will because he was probably going through an identity crisis and thought he couldn’t live his life without finding Arsenal. Probably felt guilty.

Seeing him living his own life and being happy with his daughter was so heartwarming. I smiled every time Will appeared in the latest season (totally ignoring the Will x Artemis fiasco), especially with Lian. I’m very proud of him.

I feel bad for putting him so low, yet I adore the next characters more.

 8. Garfield Logan/Beast Boy

I have been a massive Beast Boy fan since Teen Titans so you probably can imagine how excited to see him. His origin story was unique and his brother-sister bond with M’gann was very sweet. It was pretty weird seeing how much younger Gar was than Dick, but I got used to it. I was bummed that Gar wasn’t in S2 as much; however, S3 truly made up for it. 

After watching Beast Boy being a great leader in S5 of Teen Titans, I wanted a leader-like and more mature version of him. Young Justice truly delivered with Gar being the leader of the Outsiders. It’s nice to see him treated with respect rather than as a joke because that was my biggest gripe with Teen Titans. Though it was weird seeing him not crack a joke at all.

Gar’s story with his mom was heartbreaking to see. I literally cried seeing his reaction to revisiting his trauma in S2 and S3; I just wanted to hug and tell him how awesome he is. My only complaint with Gar in S3 was that the Outsiders weren’t established until near the end of the season.

His voice actor being Greg Cipes also gives him extra points (He’s a chill guy and radiates BB energy).

 7. Dick Grayson/Nightwing/ Robin I 

Sorry to all the hardcore Nightwing fans.

I love Dick (don’t get any ideas), but he doesn’t get enough development in the spotlight. One of the things I really wanted to see from him is his growth as a main leader, and his journey to becoming Nightwing. I was really bummed when these happened between the first two seasons.

To be honest, I don’t have as much to say about him other than straightforward qualities I enjoy about him.

1.His Voice (it’s so soothing)

2.His Personality (very charismatic)

3.Very Handsome (Probably in the top 3 my most handsome YJ Men list)

I put him higher than the others since he made a lot of contribution to the story and his new words (gotta love that aster!)

6. Megan Morse/M’gann M’orzz/Miss Martian 

If I made this list during S1, M’gann would have probably been in my top 3 (maybe even No. 1), but S2 didn’t give her any brownie points.

I really liked S1 Miss Martian because of her kind heart, awkward girl next door personality. Her trouble fitting in the beginning reminded me of when I was going through a time in high school; seeing her having trouble as well helped me feel not so lonely. M’gann powers were (still are) my favorite since I am a big fan of mind-like powers. I would feel so powerful. Watching her identity crisis(?) arc was great too. I’ve had trouble feeling comfortable in my own skin as well as my social anxiety (I’m a mess) and I could understand how scared Megan was of her friends’ thoughts on her true form. 

Oh boy. Season 2 basically ruined her. Learning what she would do to enemies was terrifying to see and left me wondering what happened to Miss Martian that made her step this far. What she almost did to Superboy was almost unforgivable. You do not try to manipulate with your boyfriend’s mind when you guys have an argument! Shame on you M’gann. If Superboy hadn’t forgiven you then I wouldn’t have either.

Good thing S3 somewhat redeemed her. Her kind heart was noticeable again and she refused to do that mind trick again (thank god). Very excited for the Superboy and Miss Martian wedding! Please creators, I beg of you to not skip over it. I want to cry my eyes out in happiness!

 5. Kaldur’ahm/Aquaman/Aqualad 

Now we’re in the top 5 with Aqualad (*ahem* Aquaman) starting it off.

Creating Kaldur was the best decision the creators ever did. I love him with all my heart!

He added diversity to the original team and was a great leader. S1 was not his breakout season, though the second season definitely was.

Kladur played the villain so well that he deserves an automatic Oscar. I never doubted that he was with the heroes, but he didn’t disappoint. My favorite part about Aqualad’s performance was when he rose from the ocean slowly like a cliché villain (he made it work), and the line he said right after he “killed” Artemis; it sent me chills. Love it! 

Pretty disappointed that he didn’t appear as much in S3. Very happy that he is a part of the LGBTQ+ community and is in a happy relationship. I’m a part of the community and loved that there was finally some representation in one of my favorite shows. Even so, I have to criticize how rushed and sidelined it was. I hope Kaldur and Wyynde’s relationship gets development.

 4. Kon-El/Conner Kent/Superboy

Like Will, I did not like Superboy at first. Mainly angry and volatile characters were never really my cup of tea. I do understand why he was upset and felt bad for him; I just handle anger the direct opposite as him. My love for Conner started growing around the end of S1. He was very sweet towards Miss Martian (bless him for not caring about her appearance) and his anger was in control.

Season 2 pretty much switched my opinions on him and M’gann. It was awful what M’gann almost did to him. That scene with him being so sad that what she did ruined that special bond they had almost made me cry. I wanted to give him a hug. He grew so much too since I don’t think he would have handled the whole M’gann drama as well in S1. A lot of furniture would’ve been broken.

I gotta admit something. I almost put Conner near the bottom (maybe no. 7). A comment in a poll in Amino changed my mind. I wrote a poll asking other fans who did they prefer SB or MM. At that point I said SB, though I didn’t think much of it. Someone (specifically yjfangirl) responded “Superboy has the best development in the show.” This had me thinking about how far SB has gone. In the beginning, Conner was an angry guy who felt alone and rejected by the person who he was meant to emulate. Now he is happier and living for himself rather than to be the next Superman. He’s getting married people! A little detail I noticed when rewatching S3 was Superboy mentioning to new characters that they weren’t obligated to be a hero because of their abilities. I adored this! The main reason why Superboy was created to be Superman if the original ever died, and another one of Luthor’s puppets. But he strayed from that pressuring path and is doing his own thing. Conner doesn’t want other people to feel like he did. What an absolute pure soul.

Also, yjfangirl, first I want to say Hi (*waves*)! Then say thanks for writing that comment. It made me really think about the bigger picture with SB and my love for him as grown exponentially. You probably didn’t mean to do that, but I still want to thank you. 😊

 3.Wally West/Kid Flash

We’re in the elites now.

I don’t know how to explain it, I just love Wally. He makes me laugh, and his character growth was great. At first, Wally was this cocky flirt who didn’t take the hero work as seriously. That changed in “Cold-hearted,” one of my favorite episodes in the series. This was when I really started seeing more of Wally than being this dumb flirt. It was great seeing him actually caring about helping people since I believed for a long time that he wanted to be a superhero to just have powers rather than actually protect others. The regret in his eyes when he thought his impulsive behavior killed Perdita helped me see who he really was- this somewhat arrogant speedster who had a kind heart. Episodes that can make me change my perspective on characters are truly special.

I was very upset that he wasn’t in S2 a lot. I understand why since he gave up the life, but I was still bummed. Seeing him being so loving and protective towards Artemis was amazing. Spitfire is my favorite ship and I will not give up on them. All I want is a happy ending! The penultimate episode of S3 was a hint that it will happen. Watching the S2 finale was heartbreaking, I cried watching him disappear, his love for Artemis being the last things he said. Artemis’ reaction did not(I just wanted to hug her). 

I have more to say, though I’m leaving it for another post. 😉

 2.Bart Allen/Kid Flash II/Impulse

Picking between Bart and Wally for second place was tough. Took me a while to decide; I’ll talk about it later on.

The moment Bart made his appearance, I absolutely adored him. He is amazing and I live for his hyper, fun attitude. His arc and relationship with Jaime were my favorite aspects of S2. What can I say, their chemistry is great to see.

That scene when he was meeting the Flash family was so adorable. His excitement was infectious and spoiling his dad and aunt’s births was hilarious! I watch it occasionally whenever I need a good laugh or reason to smile.

Unlike most time travelers- at least the ones I’ve seen- Bart was very involved with what was going on and befriended his biggest enemy- evil and weirdly huge future Blue Beetle. He was pretty careful about disclosing very important information and took things very seriously. You never know if disclosing everything was the thing that brought the world to chaos.

What I found interesting was his choice on how to interact with everyone. He seemed pretty gloomy in the future, but decided to portray this cheerful, devil-may-care attitude to be more likable. I understood (still kind of do). I had terrible mental health issues and I pretended to be happy in front of loved ones because I thought they wouldn’t care about me anymore. Bart got some brownie points for that.

I was dissatisfied when his role was greatly reduced. I wanted the creators to go further with Bart by revealing his past and how it affected him. He was pretty much comedy relief. You couldn’t imagine how disappointed I was, especially with it involving my second favorite character. Season 4 better change that.

I know that you shouldn’t assume a character’s sexuality, yet I really hope Bart is gay. There needs to be more clear representation and Bart can be one of them. I’m also a Bluepulse and Bartuado shipper (fine with either one as long as Bart’s bond with each of them stays strong).

Anyway, I mentioned that I would explain why I chose Bart for 2nd place over Wally. It mostly stems from wishful thinking. I really want S4 to have Bart as a main character since I believe the future will be strong plot point in the season. Development could surely happen such as Bart opening up more about what he went through. Let all those feelings go.

I’m going to write an article on my hopes for S4 when a release date is announced. Bart and Wally will most definitely be talked about.

 …..

We are finally near the end!

And my No. 1 favorite character is…

Drumroll please!

…

..

.

1.Artemis Crock/Tigress/Artemis

That’s right people!

Artemis Crock, original member of the Team and daughter of villains!

She is such an inspiration to anyone who wants to go their own past without their parents’ support.

It’s hard to describe how much I love Artemis. She’s brave, strong-willed, and a kind person. It’s crazy how great of a person she is after all the terrible things that happened to her. I look up to her because I don’t have a healthy relationship with my parents (verbal and mental abuse) and there are times I don’t feel strong enough to stand on my own. I want to carry the amount of strength Artemis has as my own.

After all that happened in S2, it was amazing to see Artemis come back to the team and train the new generation. It must have been hard to walk away from a safe, comfortable life for a chaotic, dangerous life. I admire that in everyone, but I hold more respect for Artemis since “the life” “killed” Wally. I wanted to hug her so bad.

She’s also one of the kindest people in the show, the events in S3 being the best example. When Zatanna was crying about her dad, Artemis was there to comfort her. It was so sweet! Roy and her also took in Halo and Terra like they were a part of the family; the archer treated them like the best big sister. That rainstorm scene was heartwarming to the core.

Wouldn’t Artemis be an amazing mother? Lian and her have a strong bond like a mother and daughter; I loved it, and Lian is in good hands with Roy and Artemis. Though Jade deserves a chance to be a mother. Artemis also seemed to enjoy taking care of those kids in that S1 episode. Wally too. You guys know what I’m guys insinuating. 😉

Get ready for some fanfics on that someday.

My favorite Artemis-centered episode was the second to last episode of S3. I was waiting for this episode centering around Artemis missing Wally and learning to move on. It was great yet heartbreaking. Nothing bad happened. That Will and Artemis kiss never happened. Everyone makes a mistake. No matter how terrible it was.

Anyway, seeing Artemis and Wally living their lives and having a baby gave me life, even if it was fake. It was a vision of the future. I will believe this until there is confirmation that Wally will not come back.

Did anyone else cry when Artemis was so desperate to, but Wally wouldn’t let that happen (the real Wally would do that)? They are a great example of a healthy relationship with all the love and support they have for each other. I want that.

#artemis young justice #artemis crock #wally x artemis #bart allen #impulse #Wally West #kid flash #Superboy #bluepulse #bartuardo #top 10 list #top 10 favorites #top 10 #kaldur #kaldur'ahm #aqualad #conner kent #kon el #kaldur x wyynde #miss martian #M'gann M'orzz #megan morse #dick grayson #nightwing #garfield logan #beast boy #young justice outsiders #young justice cartoon #Young Justice #red arrow

[misterbitches]

I ship muren and li cheng bc i only saw it through gifs then i watched this episode cos i was like im only starting this show if they kiss im waiting and they did and it was nice and i got so anxious that i was about to fucking vomit. I really like them together. The top/bottom shit is dumb and i hope if they must mention it they all build a bridge and get over it so they can switch cos who gives a shit. I didnt realize how large they all are like most “tall” men on tv are lying. But bc that kid is so thin and tall and the other one (idk the stepbrother) is huge too. Li cheng is shorter than them both but more ~manly~ but still short so why doesnt he take a DICK UP HIS BUTT XD since that’s all that fucking matters and there’s only 2 genders and 2 eays to have sex lmao so nothing else otherwise ur screwed

Hd a terrible past couple of weeks personally and because i keep seeing my peopl eget murdered and things ripped from us ^_____^ anyway here’s Some libertatrian communist dumb bitch discoars so i’ll tag it:

keep in mind these are my opinions’”” when i engage in discourse. I am not the end all be all and I don’t need you to agree. There’s some shit I am non-negotiable on but thsi is just exchanging of information. Any authoratative tone I take on comes from my beliefs, my life, my experiences, and what I choose to cultivate as a person and an artist. I dont have control over your feelings, you do. If it hurts you then either tell me the issue and be PRECISE about it, understand that context matters which is why i type so much in engagement, and do not fucking lie or misconstrue my words. Do not call me western ever in your life either. I am a black-american. I have adhd and bc i am a black woman if ur automatically thinking im brolic i am accepting money in my paypal for ur wellbeing to get me to shut the fuck up.Thanks.

The stepbrothers storyline is stupid and lazy writing. I really want to counter people that say it’s written well and that it’s interesting because it isn’t. Even if it was illicit and fucked we can write a story out about this. Let’s rethink what they could have done shall we:

- become stepbrothers at about 16 and their parents mismanage the relationship and they fail in trying to get an integrated family together (this is what happened in the #iconic transit girls and that was fuckin’ weird but hey dude guess what we watched it and it was weird but not unethical and we know one is like 19 and the other is 21 and a girl so it’s like wow you avoided so much and handled their stepsister story very…….um lightly given the end lmao but it was there and people had AGENCY)

-OR you realize that freak is obsessed with him and then he realizes it and is like “bitch i swear to god” and in typical shtity trope BL fashion they can find a way from obsession, to loss and independence when you lose your obsession, to “love” if they choose

- have the fucked up shit but make it clear what the issues are and you literally cannot write your way out of it so do not try

But why can’t fucked up things be shown? Also this is realistic.

0. Well according to you but no one said that they can’t. So that’s on your interpretation of critique (that is, again, not bullying or harassment.) They can, i just gave plenty of scenarios in which it is affective and not just annoying to witness, trope-y, and frankly ridiculous and offensive. Sorry! They don’t do it well. You can come up with alternatives too. See #2 btw.

1. No it isn’t doing a good job of reflecting life because life has consequences. The exaggeration in drama doesn’t mean the arc shouldn’t be there. Almost always things that aren’t heavy with the message or meant to be sobering in a deep way are COMPELLING. The realism is the basis for art because we are human. This is not the way real humans act.

Someone said Tharn Type was mature and I had to laugh because no, no one acts that way and is “in love” if they act that way that means they fucking hate each other and they’re immature and frankly it’s just not that interesting for many of us to watch because the dramatization of the “realism” is fucking bonkers. That was such poor writing it is unbelievable and someone has the audacityt o say it’s how real adults act. Fucking murder me if I’m with someone for 7 years and we break up over a miscommunication and for some reason I am not as horny as my always horny boyfriend. The fuck? What kind of lives do you lead? Either you are not an adult or you are an adult who needs therapy.

I also hear the “realistic” argument but then people try and temper it with “but also it’s fiction.” What do you think fiction is? Why do you think filmmaking exists? Number one, it’s propaganda in the sense that you want others to buy into your presentation and see what you see. That means that the creators are telling people and influencing them WITH ART BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT IS about their feelings around a situation. That’s why it is imperative to be responsible as a filmmaker and artist and underline the deepness of creepiness if that’s what they want. If they want to relay that rape sometimes ok and psychos are crazy so they get boy (??!?!?!? BITCH?) then they achieved it with no innovative information. We know people get raped bc we are human beings and many of us live with that fear. You know, being the target demo and all. And bc BL loves that trope it’s rape fantasy peddled to young people and women. Just like shitty wattpad fics or NYT best sellers. Hooray, what now? Or are you trying to purport that this isn’t glorified fanfiction? Which it literally is

2. This is the issue with these shows. No one is saying that fucked up shit cannot be shown. There’s a film about a woman who is raped and she falls in love with her rapist (because he was masked but i think we find out later that she knows. Binoche is in it.) I have no desire for that film—i think it’s by a man and i extra dont care—but I hear it’s sort of powerful for many. I heard it was a good film. But the act itself is always eschewed and the conflict comes from how fucking ridiculous it is especially finding out that she knows. The power imbalance adn the possibility. They may not have handled it in a way I would have cared for but it was there.

There’s simply no imagination because these people do not care that much and aren’t great writers and filmmakers because they simply do not have to be. Sorry.

The industry doesn’t rely on the best they rely on efficiency (this is everywhere.) You can tell by the camera angles, the editing, the camera itself (idk if it is multicam but the flatness is typical soap flatness without the glowboxes to soften their faces.) Simple constant lighting. Now the surroundings are mostly beautiful. But even to some of the costumes. And those edits are abysmal, some of that camera work.

So with all that said even with the couple I extremely enjoy I see its (H4) faults. Add into that a lazily thrown together “shocking” love and if they are trying to get us to feel a type of way about its sexiness they fail. This is why movies like 50sog, 365 days, etc aren’t enjoyable to people because it’s fucking strange situations that they dont want to entangle or make enjoyable to viewers across the board. They know what people will take. It’s just that bitch what are we here for if even the sexiness isn’t there for ur stupid story.

At least with that teenager and 30 yr old man in MODC (which i do not love but i like them in theory if it wasnt totally repulsive to me and also if it was developed in a way that was good TO ME) they had their, er, “sex appeal” i talk about this as well the main couple in MODC to me, visually, was a miss. Not bc whatshisface was small and stuff but bc he was so sickly and they needed that to propel the story but it was just not appealing given how the story progressed. A missed opportunity in tying the two together besides making him look waif-y and sickly only to have the “did ur mom die in a car crash? No, cancer” type of move in not another teen movie. But the opposite. And not funny. Wayne tho????? GORL. Eggs. Cracked.

fandoms have a very warped sense of harrassment and discourse.

Most fandoms have harassers who are “protecting” the cast and crew who don’t need their protection (or maybe the crew does since they probably dont get paid well but why the fuck would anyone care about that lol) but very few have the people who have concerns or massive critique about the show are not going to be “bullying.”

If people are saying “if you like xyz, u suck” then sure it may suck for you to see but who fucking cares. Either talk to the person or don’t be friends with them. That is not bullying or harrassment. Things that are shitty get criticized. Fuck, things that aren’t shitty don’t. Get away from this idea of cancel culture and people misunderstanding the story. We have the ability to.

Think beyond your noses of personal preference. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them.

And guess what? You won’t like everybody. Many people can’t stand me i’m sure. Oh well. I mean frankly I don’t like that and I feel very unsettled when I don’t feel understood. That’s ok! I have to temper it. Sometimes calm myself down. I won’t get anything and everything I want. And you won’t like every opinion and sometimes it’s like “man am i a dummy?” But the part of growing up is fucking maanging that and beng honest about “bashing and harrassment” and “bullying” and growing up. Yuo can like what you want the “let people like what they want thing” is so fucking juvenile and THAT is not the real world. Which is probably why so many people feel that way, they dont want to live in the real world. Unfortunately, you do.

Think beyond our noses of personal preference and what we feel emotionally in conjunction with others. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. And you can say things that you believe to be true but it doesn’t make them so or maybe it isn’t received that way to people. And many times we learn new things in the discussions “oh shit i didn’t see it that way” right? Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them. Usually the “opposition” in these situations aren’t the popular beliefs that permeate through society. Trust me lmao

Antiblackness

Antiblackness is a thing. It permeates everywhere. It permeates in this genre and it permeates in fandom. Get it the fuck together. Also do not conflate cultural relativism with being repsectful. They are not barbarians, they are smart human beings either making work or deciding to. We all have diff cultures but we have fucking sense in what is respectful and not. And if we don’t we fucking learn. You cannot excuse things and say “oh culture” when you have 0 idea of that culture or actual people who are radical etc and are fighting against it. Additionally the word westerner is an ignorant term when referring to people in the US or UK who are black. Because we are not. We extend sympathy to other groups and empathy since we know so there is no inherent power imbalance between a black viewer and their subject. Don’t suggest that because it’s wrong and ahistorical and contextless.

FIRST the fallacy of representation as freedom makes people fucking complacent, individualistic, and doesn’t let them think critically. Consumption and discourse around consumption is not helping material conditions of the marginalized communities in your home, the black ones who are ignored, those intersectionalized in these communities. Groups talk about art and what it means for them outside of just what we see and because we also don’t have access to a bunch of Thai reviews or what movements or going on we are less likely to know if we don’t FUCKING SEARCH for it. Because art is constant...which leads me to....

Representation is difficult. It matters and it doesn’t.

Tthese shows are not meant to overturn the LGBTQ+ community.

There are queer filmmakers and artists in these countries. Deep illustrious film careers or even TV that is moving and deliberate. We can even see it with the dude from “your name engraved” in their short series he was in beforehand. BL is no wa pejorative because it is simply not “qu**r” storytelling whatever that means. But know it has always existed everywhere and there are also out artists or radical artists in all these countries who do no respect mediums that are cash-grabs and poorly made.

ex: As much as “Like in the Movies” sort of isnt for me and is a bit hamfisted you can tell how much love goes into that. Love of the characters, acting, and message. Yes it’s cringey to see some of the lines (like very tbh subtlety wasnt exactly their strong suit) and yea naming them after lenin and marx is just 0ihgoaudgijposkagjihou BUT GUESS WHAT? THEY FUCKING DID IT. THEY TRIED. And class was a large component as well bc u cant fuckin ignore it. The show is aware of the machinations in its world as a show but also in the philippines and for a fuckin reason. And duatarte? Loooooooool so like yea not so sure bl makes him love his ppl but the show isnt trying to do that

It’s not a transgressive genre and it has no reason to be. No ethical anything under the way we live it’s just trying your fucking best to be. That’s it. They serve societal ills and capital’s purposes. Which is fine but it is not revolutionary.

These countries in SEA or even SA do not have as big budget for even mainstream dramas—though things are changing and that’s bc REVENUE like revenue from kpop is fucking huge for SK and again so much about that is bc of what happened in their history from japanese imperialism to WWII to the US—so for “queer” stuff it is sort of now important to make that an export and it sure is one. Not only globally or to the west but a lot of these places make their money within asia (duh!) outside of their countries. OBVIOUSLY. so BL is a way to output and gain money. The thing is, it doesnt seem to be put back into the industry at all. For people in all these countries to make works that aren’t for mainstream or wont reach as many people there’s a difference between trying and just shoving shit in your face and going here it’s gay you like it right? But dont antagonize the inherent patriarchal nature of BL.

Another thing: did you guys know thailand was never colonized? You should look it up. There’s little hints of things in ITSAY to represent french influence still. Isnt that fascinating? Find out why. It’s certainly interesting that the representation, though damaging and dubious many times and also incorrect like any media, is huge in asia and this isnt a commodity here (the US) exactly. A lot of that has to do with colonial ideas of gender of which I am sure. But listen………lmao

Sometimes people dont give a shit. And it very much shows. Here is the thing once again. GOOD TRANSGRESSIVE WORK exists.

Een within the capitalist Bs paradigm or you can see people trying (I can sort of applaud parts of lovely writer) also queer media has always existed everywhere the reason you don’t know about it is because it gets takena nd commodified into a mainstream product. We hvae little incentive, particularly if we are not fans of cinema or art in gen, to search fror others when the output is right here. Being dictated by others and the state and who will give you money. No longer an effort of a cast and crew who want to convey things. But google [any country] independent cinema, radical cinema, queer radical cinema, or even retrospectives on the cinema and rethinking what is queer and radical in film. What if we took that, diluted it, got rid of the creators who put themselves through all the work, ignroe al the nuances and do……………….two actors who are conventionally attractive with no chemistry making out.

It’s the same here lets say daniel kaluuya winning the oscar for the film about the BPP. I heard it was okay and not too offensive but it still isnt’ enough. It still isn’t like hwood isn’t trash, nnati black, misogynistic towards BW and women, and all that other shit. It was pushy but it can’t be enough where we are. Black KKKlansmen i think won an oscar, by circumstance i fuckin hate these award shows they mean nothing, and i like the film a lot but he has his misogynoir still resting in his films even if it is poignant. And it was a film that honestly wasn’t really made for black people. And should all art be a response to direct trauma or trying to make ourselves palatable when we’re just human?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and it’s importance (capitalism) but also sorta individual responsibility

Considering a lot of these actors are rich and then just dip that’s another problem. Mainstream isn’t what sustains marginalized art ever. It doesn’t change in the vast ways we think it does. What changes is the people of these groups pushing, fighting, forcing and then capitalism trying to make it work under capitalism. It will not. It cannot.

This is why artists and labels often don’t mix or you see people like Sonic Youth doing whatever they want and pissing off their label but making them give them money. Same with Nirvana. Vince Staples. The thing is they can fight and make good shit but what capitalism helps people….not care? They don’t respect the audience? We’re getting those returns on poor executed product placement, lighting, editing, framing, fucking acting. And you surewon’t see mixed black asians in these shows. WHY R U is the oNLY one i have seen it in and he just disappears (but that was pretty cool.) so who the fuck is this representing? And before you start: asian countries are not homogenous the way we believe them to be. There are marginalized communities outside of even mixed people that are harmed. So you can skrrt cause on that one: you’re wrong buddy. But it gives us the IDEA of a paradise which is what they NEED.With representation and visibility comes consequence and responsibility as artists. What it allows them to do is coast and not think complexly because why should they; it’s mostly the fantasies of some older woman who probably has money and much less interaction with the world. It’s bonkers. And what that allows even further is for them to say YOU ARE THE THING THAT YOU CONSUME and the THING THAT YOU CONSUME IS YOURS. It is not, it is not your identity, form a close bond but figure it the fuck out. Especially for adults who are hellbent on twisting their minds into pretzels and can’t acknowledge what’s just laziness in art and not giving a fucking shit. Truly.

There’s damage that has been done from Parasite as he was supported by CJE&M and the bullshit obsession america had and eveyrone’s poor interpretation of it if they are rich. BJH is a socialist and he is a filmmaker. He has made films that are outstanding and cost a lot of money. But now a fear for indie filmmakers is just not being able to raise that much or have that much attention. Getting funding that helps them instead of expecting the Next Big Thing that is a fad because capitalism is trash. Yes this funneling of money is absolutely harmful to us artists. Even buying in is strategic. Additionally, that film is probs one of the most radical films to have that wide release and accolade (unlike “Sorry to Bother You” which i have a lot of thoughts about. One being that asian exports are acceptable but black ones are not. This is an overall art critique and global media critique. Blackness is removed, not respected.) However, filmmaking isn’t green, it can’t be socialist, and it’s a lot of work. They used tons and tons and TONS of water to do a huge beautiful feat but we still know there is a cost. We have to figure that out because it shouldn’t be. It doesn’t go back into the crew’s pockets the way it should and the work becomes that of the director’s and actors solely. It’s fucking hard. We have to do our part but it doesn’t mean we are doing it perfectly. We just have to try to do better. So does BJH cos he needs to not be a misogynist but anyways i digress.

additionally and this is something some users fail to understand: people in the media sphere generally have fucking money. I went to film school that was international with super fucking rich kids. Taiwanese kids, kids from south asia, china, thailand. They had money. No not upper middle class money, not “rich” money, not some paltry 1m that’s chump change. Fucking money. Fucking RICH-RICH. MILLIONAIRES. BILLIONAIRES. WHICH IS DISGUSTING MIGHT I ADD. The domestic people didn’t have the money for school (in the UK) and i am in a massive amount of debt like every other black student that went there. You do not understand how much money is needed to survive so people who turn to these crew positions even casting etc need this fucking money usually. OKAY. A lot of the people that do well in these dumb shows or even on a larger scale HAVE MONEY. The reason these industries are small and struggling is because of lack of people and lack of resources to independent shit because oh gee it takes money to make things.

Why should I try? Well you don’t have to really if you have money or a name. Yet...

We can tell when like those Tik Tok shows or DCOMs dont give a shit (anymore.) You know how frustrated we get when content for young people is garbage? Well, see, BL is literally that under that system. Occasionally we will get something good now but there is virtually no need in any sector in the world at this point to truly figure out how to make it better and what to do to enhance artistic literacy, outreach, teaching people new things, getting people from these communities there and having true realistic says. Art and culture is IMPERATIVE TO WORLD LIBERATION but not when it is so stiffly trying to bend to capital’s idea of progressiveness. No. Neoliberalism. No.

That’s why in a way ITSAY is a huge feat; it takes from films etc and they clearly had money (the actors rae rich too which….lmaooooo j’aime pas) but it was a respected fucking script, acting was important, blocking, framing. There’s very little to critique as a visual medium for that because I understand what they are trying to do, their market is going to be mostly young girls, but they RESPECT THE FUCKING AUDIENCE. And guess what guys? You can make money from it!!!! WOAH! Since that may be the only goal which is disgusting and repulsive.

HOWEVER AND THIS IS WHAT IS SAD: itsay is an ex of a great show however knowing the actors backgrounds and the pseudo trouble it stirred when they weren’t supporting people protesting against the coup in the summer it really put a damper on my enjoyment. And this is how we can see that:

a) it’s honestly just a show and a good one but b) now what?

These kids (actors, who are like idk 19? 20?) are rich and not saying anything while countless actors, who were filming, did. Even tul who has $$$$ and the thing is the protesting against the coup legitimately attacks the rich. As it should. The protests going on were cries for help, against a dictatorship and fucking coup, asking people to get fucking help for covid, having kids be able to live. There’s a mini on VICE about this and it probably doesnt go too in depth but there’s a kid in there who talks about his friends getting into drugs and how he just wants to make music, have fun, skateboard. And it’s harrowing to see. This is a direct example of what these things do and don’t do. Yea we know a good show is here, we know growing up and slice of life, we know this is a bit of escapism and idealism but the idealism is reflected in the way these actors also choose to live their lives. So what progress? To who? For who? How is this helping me? What purpose does it serve? I say ITSAY serves its purpose as a piece and a glimpse into possibility of growing up but i do not say it antagonizes a broader issue that needs to be relevant in some sense but simply is not. It’s very singleminded and, well, it’s sort of like “besides my sexuality, what do i have to worry about?” But for real humans like....a lot. I do not respect their decision at all.

Why can’t we do our jobs and make something decent and respect our audience? No time, gotta make that sweet sweet sweet cash baybee. Look how progressive we are! Don’t look at history and material conditions. Thanks in advance, management.

History 4 does not have that respect. Many of these shows do not. Sometimes we hit good, sometimes we don’t. But in the end we cannot settle. And I won’t. If I am critiquing something I will not be shy and if I am meant to enjoy something as escapism then these shows NEED to highlight that and it’s rare sometimes (the best twins is a good reminder like that show is bad but man do i Brain Empty when i turn it on and i like that and there’s not much in it that makes me want to kill myself from annoyance but there are transphobic jokes i dont love however the whole show is a comedy about this dude’s crazy homophobic sister and she is constantly positioned as wrong and they talk about the aforementioned trans women as the actor was in drag. Interesting that they can manage that, huh?)

Oh btw.....taiwan has a very complicated history but ignore all the bad stuff it’s good now you can kinda sorta get married and stuff. KMT? You know how i learned that? I care about human beings and read about it lmao. I am not Taiwanese and look at that. So now I have historical and DIALECTICAL~**~*~****~*~*~ context so i can judge it as an artist, a black woman from america, and from the knowledge i have to pick up on their history to see if this fits into a broader picture besides the micro-one of sexuality on an individualized level. And this is kinda where it comes full circle: these shows are not you, you are not them, they do not exist in a vacuum because nothing does. The failure to critique now means continuing on as it has and it will still do so. History and time are not linear in the sense we think it is. Someitmes things are better, sometimes things feel more austere. We are not living under liberation though and these shows are not going to do so. So they are not US nor are they for a nebulous “us” of which the groups are all fractured and have diff opinions anyway (my opinion as a black american is going to vary from an asian woman’s say and that could really clash and i do not feel solidarity with all those in every community i am for several reasons.)

Final thots that have taken up my time and the only thing i actually wanted to write but got distracted:

Anyway my dissertation is that I ilke Muren and LiCheng a lot a lot and i like how cute they are and how truly dumb li cheng is. This is an example of mostly good writing, decent actors, nice chemistry, and sort of a calmness to them. And I super enjoy how Muren is pretty forward with LC in the sense that being together is like very important to truly be together. When he was like “no i didnt forget!” Or when LC asked him something in the office I forget it was 6 am and again i almost threw up and muren nodded and then LC leaned on him. Very cute. I want more of them tho i may have to skip that othre couple (the cameo the ones from MODC) but omfg the younger one HIS HAIR GREW SO MUCH HE LOOKS SO MATURE AND CUTE OMFGIJ0HUG9SAOGIJPKOAGJSIOHUAGIJP hahhaha the one good thing i will say about THEM.idk how old the actor is i figure he was young idk it makes me happy to see him he’s very cute. I hope he’s in something i can watch and not gag at. Is he hot? Who knows but he is a cutie!!

Anyway muren and lc have a good thing going it’s nice to watch ho\pe they dont fuck it up but im truly a sucker for some true finds 2 luvas i think some user on her\e was like i’m not a fan of friends ot lovers bc it doesn’t seem like they’re actually friends and maybe they were referring to this show idk. But it made me think and it was a very good observation. So i think they are friends and also luvrs <3

#history 4 #history 4: close to you #i told sunset about you #a thot #tharntype #lovely writer #bl fandom #idk #lol #long

[for-i-am-dying-of-such-love]

that time I watched Antony + Cleopatra

I don’t even know where to start with this one. Please don’t mistake my criticism of the episode with my hating it, because I actually think there’s a lot going on here with Xena (and Gabrielle too, but I am less focused on her arc) that’s quite nuanced and compelling. I love that Xena’s role in orchestrating Marc Antony’s downfall contributes to her moral and emotional conflict. What I abhor (and refuse to accept) is the suggestion that it’s born out of her falling in *love* with him, especially when there are far more consequential things in Xena’s life, past and present, fueling her angst in this moment. I have my own reading of what’s causing Xena’s uneasiness here, but more on that in a bit.

First: I think my greatest frustration is with the show itself. Like, THE FUCKING AUDACITY to foist a Boyfriend of the Week on us with just a handful of episodes left in season five. After everything, *everything*, that Xena & Gabrielle have suffered through (actual, literal HELL), and the continued devotion they show for one another, it’s just not believable that Xena would fall in love with someone else, let alone a ROMAN GENERAL. The emphasis here is important, but patience grasshopper, I’ll get to that.

Now, here’s where we start to get into the weeds with this notion of ‘Xena falling in love’ and there’s a lot to unpack around it, but before I do, let me just finish unspooling the threads of frustration I have with the show and it’s AUDACITY. Because it’s important to note that the show’s intention *was* to frame Xena’s attraction for Marc Antony as romantic - on top of whatever else she may have initially felt (indifference, intrigue, lust) - and not just sexual. And while I’ll concede that a story where Xena is forced to sacrifice her heart for the greater good by killing the man she loves is intriguing, it’s one we’ve already seen (Immortal Beloved). More than that, it’s a story that doesn’t fit with the Xena we know now, and the show, better than anyone, should have recognized this.

I know I’m being hard on the show runners here, so allow me this small tangent to give a little contextual understanding before furthering my arguments. As much fun as it is wrestling with the internal logic of this show (a surprisingly uphill battle all the time), I understand the unfortunate truth is that character motivations don’t always drive the story in the ways you would expect. Sometimes external factors complicate the stories XWP wants to tell and the ways it’s *allowed* to tell them. I get that.

I also get that Xena: Warrior Princess - both the show and the character - was expected to be sexy (hello, an easy win because Xena & Gabrielle). And that means, from time to time, it had to tease the audience with sex and seduction and romance (I guess fighting demons in Hell for the soul of your SOULMATE is not romantic enough, but I DIGRESS). What that often translated as on screen was a parade of Boyfriends of the Week for our two favourite Gal Pals, and by this point in the show, well, frankly it had been a while since Xena had had her a boyfriend (the Ares arc in season 5 doesn’t count). Simply put: a Marc Antony type was past due.

In this case, he wasn’t just past due, he served a dual purpose - fulfilling their Boyfriend of the Week quota, but also helping to re-establish Xena’s sexuality after she’d had her baby. I happen to think the latter take is overly simplistic and misguided (because, what, pregnant women are not also capable of being sexual creatures?), but it’s something Rob Tapert has commented on. So, ok, sure, fine whatever.

To be fair, I’m not sure if the show was deliberately signalling the return of Sexualized!Xena, or if it was simply a byproduct of the chemistry between the characters, and the inherent sensuality of the story’s setting. Regardless, the end result was certainly titillating. And I get it. I get why they want Boyfriends of the Week sometimes. Sex sells, and this episode was a blockbuster.

And before I return again to being hard on the show runners about dumb boyfriends, I just want to point out that my specific problem isn’t that Xena has been given a *boy*friend. Xena is bisexual, so men are always going to be an option when she’s considering a romantic or sexual partner. My issue is that she’s considering *any* romantic partner at all! By the gods, she’s essentially married to Gabrielle at this point.

Ay, but there’s the rub. Because the same expectation that dictated XWP should be sexy, also dictated that it should be heteronormative. The show can repeatedly double down on Xena’s & Gabrielle’s emotional and spiritual fidelity but it can never be seen explicitly to be sexual too (just a reminder, I haven’t seen S6 yet). That’s the unfortunate and uncomfortable reality of television in the late 90s and early 00s.

But this is where I take umbrage: XWP may’ve been limited (by studio notes) to giving us a chalk outline of what Xena’s & Gabrielle’s relationship really looked like, but they most definitely had the ability to control how they coloured the relationships Xena & Gabrielle had with their Boyfriends of the Week. And again, in ‘Antony and Cleopatra’ the show chose to frame it as a love story, a romance, when simply playing it off as Xena’s libido run amok would have satisfied the episode’s need for sex appeal, while also honouring the fact that her heart has long been spoken for (don’t worry: taking Xena’s heart out of the equation won’t lessen her moral or emotional conflict any - I’m getting there!).

Because here’s the thing: Xena getting caught up in the heady thrill of a seduction play, especially with a man as attractive and powerful as Marc Antony is totally believable. And really, Xena taken in by *lust* makes sense, especially at this point in her life. I mean, it’s been a while since she’s had to play this seductive cat-and-mouse game (Ares doesn’t count) and maybe she’s forgotten how easy it is to slip into this character, how much fun it can be. Maybe it’s even a little liberating - this return to form from when she was wild and free - because a lot has changed since she last had to do this; she’s changed and in ways she never anticipated. She’s settled down, even if she’s still travelling the known world. Made a commitment to Gabrielle to share a life together, had a baby, and now the three of them are carving out their own little domestic sphere. And all of this is happening while she’s still reconciling the person she was before with the person she is now. Maybe she’s a little itchy.

Because this… this tension, the cadence of a feint and parry charm offensive, it’s familiar. Comfortable in a way she didn’t know she missed until she felt it again. It would be easy to see her drunk with dark delight, to momentarily lose sight of her head. It would be believable. What’s not believable is that she - a pragmatist - would ever lose sight of her heart. Because the stakes of the game are so high, for Egypt but also for her. (And for you in the back who’s clearly read ahead on the syllabus and is about to point out Xena’s checkered romantic history and her self-proclaimed soft spot for Bad Boys Who Love Like Fools - don’t worry, we’ll get there too.)

What I’m taking a generous amount of time to say is this: if they simply wanted to give us a lush and sexy episode, they could have delivered on the sexiness without attaching it to a love story! We are long past believing Xena only kisses people she’s in love with, or that she’s in love with all the people she kisses. There’s no need to pretend her sexual agency is only relevant or operational within the confines of a romantic plot line. But more than that, throwing an unbelievable romance into the mix really only serves to threaten the integrity of Xena’s motivations, because it risks reducing the entirety of her turmoil to: Xena loses another boyfriend, how le sad. And that is absolutely not the point.

Because the point is this: Rome fucking corrupts and perverts everything it touches. And Xena’s motivations are built from her (and now Gabrielle’s) tortured history with the empire and the men who run it. And if you’ll permit me, like 4,000 words, we can get into it and, hopefully, you’ll agree that shit is heavy enough on Xena’s mind without a ‘star-crossed lovers’ storyline. Remember, it was only a year ago that they both were nailed up by Romans and left to die under a cold, grey sky at the foot of Mount Amaro. That cross alone, and the long shadow it casts, is more than capable of supporting the dramatic weight of this episode, never mind the crosses that came before it.

So, I can’t overstate the importance of Xena’s past connection with Caesar and Rome. It informed so much of who Xena was to become, as a cruel and bloodthirsty warlord, and then later, as a warrior fighting for good. Even now, after Caesar’s death, that connection is still informing her. It will never stop. And, Rome will never be absolved of its sins against Xena & Gabrielle. There’s simply too much trauma in that shared past. Trauma that‘s telegraphed onto every interaction Xena has with Rome and its strongmen going forward.  

And it’s exactly the reason Xena would never fall in love with Marc Antony. She might well lust after his body, but she will never pine for his devotion. Because, even in that moment under the stars when he is just a man with his chest cracked open, offering up to her his heart, beating strong and hungry in want of her affection, she can’t help but see the hardened, black veins where the love of Rome - like a creeping scourge - has left its vile mark. Of course she recognizes it, her own heart bore the same disease. A gift from Caesar. The pretty boy with his pretty words and his pretty promises, who so subtly disarmed Xena and then skillfully stripped away her defences until she had bared her heart to him. Who didn’t hesitate to flay it with a knife of her own making, it’s blade poisoned with his love for Rome.  

He did not take her heart - sometimes she wished he had - but left it to rot in her chest, slow and angry. And it nearly destroyed her. Nearly drained her of every ounce of humanity she had left, as hatred and spite and cold brutality filled her up instead. He had weaponized Xena’s affection for him and used it against her and she was forever changed. In that singular moment she saw Caesar, and Rome - because Caesar was Rome and Rome was Caesar and they were one and the same - for what they truly were: insidious and unrepentant in their calculated villainy. And she hated - not just the man who betrayed her, but the monster who nursed him with poisoned milk, and all the other strongmen who nursed at the same teat. Because in that moment too, Xena learned that all the men who kneeled before Rome and lusted after her glory were the same.

But she didn’t let her hatred go unproductive. She had been careless and imprudent in her dealings with Caesar, and nearly paid for it with her life. Except she survived and then thrived, in her own insidious, unrepentant, calculated villainy. And she never forgot what Caesar had done to her, how he had done it. She turned it over and over and over again in her mind. Studied it from every angle. Studied *him*. Until she knew how he thought, how he moved, where he was weak and unsuspecting. Until she knew every single one of his plays, and how best to counter them. Where and when to lay siege. A secret weapon she cultivated, not just to destroy the man who destroyed her heart, but to lay waste to all the fools who followed in his footsteps. She wouldn’t be taken in by Rome again.

And, to be fair, the episode doesn’t try to run from this history. It just doesn’t linger in it any longer than is necessary to give a brief nod to Brutus and the crucifixion (which is a shame, because it informs so much of both Xena’s & Gabrielle’s psychology, but we’re getting there!!!). Even still, Gabrielle’s first words are loaded with its legacy, if not also quiet resignation: “Are we really going to do this?” Because: Fuck! Rome, again? They’re only willing to go another round with Rome because of Cleopatra, only willing to embrace the ghosts this will stir up because they feel they owe it to a friend.

So, of course they’re going to do this. Only, it’s no longer about vengeance, at least not the white fury that once burned hot in Xena’s veins. This is different. Xena’s ire still seethes, but she doesn’t plan to wield it like a mighty sword, rather she’ll channel it with the precision of a surgeon’s scalpel poised to excise a tumour, deliberate and clinical. The plotting is easy - Xena has a library of schemes stored away in the vast reserves of her grey matter - but made easier by the fact that she knows Caesar’s playbook so intimately. The man may be dead but he lives on in Rome and the hearts of all the faithful men who love her - proud and predictable. Puppets whose strings she knows she can deftly manoeuvre.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            The problem is that Xena’s too comfortable in her self-assuredness. Her plan and her assumptions of how Roman strongmen operate and her ability to manage everything is founded on her understanding of Caesar. And none of these men are the next Caesar.  And it’s a problem, because this was supposed to be a quick and straightforward trip up the Nile to Memphis to do a little housekeeping on behalf of a friend and it’s been complicated by the fact that her pawns are not being cooperative.

This entire endeavour is not what she was expecting, Antony is not at all what she was expecting. He’s disarmingly handsome and charming, like many of Rome’s great strongmen, and their chemistry is electric - a bonus when you’re really trying to sell your part in a seduction play - but she realizes a little too late that the game she plays with him is not the one she had planned on. It’s actually much more dangerous.

And, I get that many fans believe Xena’s sexual attraction to Marc Antony is meant to telegraph an underlying romantic attraction as well. That as their physical encounters become more intimate and intense, so too must Xena’s feelings for him. And it’s easy to read it this way because Gabrielle’s own jealousy seems to reinforce the very idea, and Xena, herself, looks increasingly unsettled after each interaction. But I think it’s too simplistic an answer. Xena’s unease about Antony is growing because her plan has been frustrated by unforeseen hurdles, none of which include her falling in love with him.  And Xena is frustrated in return.

We totally see this play out in Xena’s treatment of Gabrielle. She is curt and cool and dismissive (at least until their balcony talk), especially after Gabrielle puts a spectacular halt to Xena’s picnic with Marc Antony. But Xena’s distance here is not because she’s being defensive (at Gabrielle’s continued suggestions that she’s lost the plot), or because she’s angry for the interruption (ok, I’m sure there’s a very base part of Xena that *was* disappointed), or because she’s hurt (how could Gabrielle not have faith in her?). It may come across that way, but, really, Xena’s just acting out her frustrations.

Because this whole situation with Marc Antony, if a little intriguing at first, is irritating. And Xena’s frustrated. On many levels. The most obvious, and least surprising, being that Antony’s attentions have left her itchy and it’s distracting. And not because the chemistry between them has set off a chain reaction of romantic feelings for him - Xena is not spending her free time daydreaming about the man behind the General. It’s simply because there’s a kind of fire in her veins now that she wasn’t expecting to deal with this time out and it has the tendency to keep her on edge. And it’s not that she can’t handle it - spontaneous combustion is sometimes an occupational hazard when she’s playing at desire - it’s just that this particular element was not part of her plan.

That’s the real frustration: Xena’s not used to her plans being stymied. Her opening move - rolling herself, naked and chained, out from a carpet - though, brazen, should have been the perfect lure, should have painted her Cleopatra as an easy, if not unwilling, target for Antony’s ambitions. Because all Roman strongmen are the same: pretty boys with pretty words and pretty promises and pretty predictable tastes for cunning and seduction that they weaponize for the glory of Rome; heartless but for their love of res publica.

And so, this exact play is one Xena is confident any ambitious Roman would pounce on - remember: she knows their playbook, was once herself on the near-losing end of such a gambit, back when she was still a little naive and the right words could soften her heart; before her legs and her psyche endured the full force of Rome’s wrath. Except Antony doesn’t take the bait, like she expects, and it catches Xena flat-footed, a position she rarely finds herself in and one she isn’t particularly fond of. And so now she finds herself having to regroup and change tactics on the fly, which is fine - she’s used to that too - it’s just that her forward momentum is frustrated by the fact that she can’t get a good read on Marc Antony, doesn’t quite know his angle. He’s an unknown and unpredictable variable in a plot that already has a lot of moving parts and it introduces just the tiniest element of doubt into the equation.

Which is why it doesn’t help that Gabrielle is dubious of Xena’s motivations surrounding Antony. Not that Xena blames her for her concerns. She knows they aren’t really meant to provoke - that they come from a place of genuine anxiety, born from Gabrielle’s intimate understanding of Xena’s unhappy past with both bad-boy types and the ravages of Rome. Knows that Gabrielle, whose heart has traced all the scars of that past and let her love be a salve, is steadfast in her belief in Xena, even when the wheels are falling off. But Gabrielle’s questions do provoke. They pique Xena’s frustrations. It leaves her feeling cagey - like her back is up - and she hates it because it means she’s dangerously close to being on the defensive.

And really, by the time Marc Antony invites her to meet him under the pyramids, Xena is running out of options. Her back isn’t just up, it feels dangerously close to being backed up against a wall. She’s only playing this game because she’s confident she’ll win - that’s why she led with such a shameless opening bid, presenting herself to Antony as she did - but with each round Antony’ coyishness has forced her to up the ante while she waits for him to play his hand. Once upon a time she might have enjoyed and encouraged this slow, deliberate back-and-forth - would have been willing to play it out until she was out of chips (and her clothes) - but she no longer has the patience. Not that she’s entirely immune now to the thrill of what they’re doing - Xena has always enjoyed the hunt and then playing with her food - it’s just that she needs him to reveal his hand before he can call her bluff because there aren’t anymore chips to spare and she has too much on the line to go all in.

But Xena’s emotional conflict isn’t just being driven by her frustrations with the way her plan is playing out - it’s priming the engine, to be sure - there are other feelings at work here too. And chief among them is a deep and growing unease with the roles she and Gabrielle have cast themselves in and the very real consequences that will come from their interference. It doesn’t sit well with Xena, the way they’re toying with the futures of Egypt and Rome - as if they are just prizes to be won and Brutus, Antony and Octavius are the game pieces that need to be maneuvered around the board until a winner appears. As if there aren’t millions of lives at stake. She hates it. Hates that she has been somehow cast above it all, to dabble, like some unworthy god, in the lives of so many, and yet also stuck in the thick of it, an unwitting pawn herself.

And the longer Xena’s game is in play, the murkier everything becomes. What seems like a straightforward plan on paper, is actually a mess of competing interests, each as cold and ruthless as the next. And right at the heart of it all: Xena (and Gabrielle too), judge, jury & executioner. Because despite her business-like approach when they arrived in Egypt, Xena’s ability to remain detached and objective is under pressure, especially as all the players in her game reveal themselves and their motivations resolve into finer focus.

And there’s something about Marc Antony. He’s truly unnerved Xena. Because he didn’t play by her rules, the rules she owed to Rome - and he, a Roman no less. Maybe there would have been a time in her past when this would have endeared him to her, but now it’s left her uneasy. He needles at her resolve, the confidence she has in her plan. There’s a part of her that starts to wonder if she’s mis-read him completely, and that’s the start of a slippery slope into thinking she has mis-read this entire situation. And she doesn’t have the time for back-sliding.

But the problem is this: no matter how she looks at it there’s no clear answer, only devastating consequences if she’s wrong. For herself, for the lives she’s playing with, and probably for most of the known world. Because Rome and her strongmen will stop at nothing to take it all. And that thought never leaves her. Rome is a constant drum beat in her mind: Rome Rome Rome. Xena knows what Rome is capable of, what these three men jockeying for her power are capable of, even if Xena doesn’t know *them*. It echoes in her mind every time one of them is before her - even as Marc Antony’s kisses leave behind a fever in her blood - Rome Rome Rome.

And while her mind whirls constantly, turning over strategy and tactics, she’s tried to keep her heart mostly out of this affair. Left it unburdened by the machinations of statecraft and violent political intrigue. Except for a dull ache - when she thinks about Eve downriver in Alexandria, or when her eye catches Gabrielle in an unguarded moment - Xena could almost believe the desert sun had turned her heart to dust. Almost. Except that ache is there and, like her frustration and unease, it’s been growing more persistent.

Because Xena has more than herself to consider now. Sure, she’s spent the last five years dedicated to preserving the greater good - whether fighting for her closest friends or the nameless, faceless masses - but it’s different now, she’s different, and not just because she has a daughter who needs her to come home. She has Gabrielle too. They have a little family. And even though Xena has loved Gabrielle for years, she feels fiercely protective of Gabrielle’s heart and love now, in a way she’s never felt before, with anyone. But then, maybe it’s not surprising: they did battle demons in hell for each other’s soul. That sort of thing changes everything.

And Xena can see how this is affecting Gabrielle, even if she doesn’t say it out loud. Remembers the pierce of iron through the flesh of Gabrielle’s hands as surely as she remembers it through her own. Rome has robbed them both and Xena sees the weight of it in Gabrielle’s gaze. Sees, too, the way Gabrielle traps her bottom lip in her teeth as Xena smiles seductively at Antony. Watches the flush creep across Gabrielle’s pale skin when Antony’s kisses become more emboldened. Catches the dangerous flash in Gabrielle’s green eyes. The one that hasn’t gone away since they arrived in Egypt. Xena sees and it makes her heart lurch. To watch her beloved watch her take delight in the charms of another. And to know the sight of it is a white hot grip on Gabrielle’s heart. Xena feels the burning clench around hers too.

And this is the Xena we see when she meets Marc Antony under the pyramids. Frustrated and uneasy, heart aching. Tired. Tired of this game and her role in it. Tired of Rome, but mostly tired of all the horrible things that happen by her hand because of Rome. And then there is Marc Antony waiting for her. Disarmingly handsome and charming, unnerving in his refusal to play into her hands, a Roman above all: a pretty boy with pretty words and pretty promises. And like all Romans, she expects the promises to be lies. Except, there’s something in the way he’s played his hand, the way he’s held back all this time, that tells her there might be truth in his words when he tells her he wants her love.

She can sense his confession even before the words are out. Maybe on some level she always knew, had seen the inevitability of this moment even as she refused to believe in the possibility. But his words pierce the haze that has kept her from seeing her own folly. And it’s like lightning in a bottle. The way every frayed nerve snaps and jumps and arcs all at once - the rain of sparks illuminating everything that had left her mind and heart unsettled - in an instant of sudden, total understanding. It steals her breath and slices at her heart, this clear and unbearable realization. What she’s done and what she still has to do to bring this absurd game to a close.  

See, she’s made a terrible miscalculation. Because in her mind Roman brutes are heartless. Capable of loving only Rome. And her seduction of Marc Antony was only ever meant to be a power play. How could it be anything more? She had weaponized lust and sex in the past to get the things she wanted, this was to be no different. Except that it was. And her hubris - her prideful overconfidence in her infallible, little plan, coupled with her resolute belief that all Roman men are Caesar at their core - has led her to overplay her hand. Not that she won’t still find a way to win. It’s just the cost will be much higher than she could have anticipated.

Because she has unwittingly weaponized Marc Antony’s affection for her and now she is going to have to deliberately use it against him. It is devastating. To see his chest bared to her so willingly, and to know that she must flay his heart with a knife of his own making. It shakes her resolve. It brings tears to her eyes.

But of course it brings tears to her eyes. She has done the unthinkable: she herself has become Caesar. The thing she hated most. The man who won her trust and her love and then betrayed her. Cold and hard and heartless. Brutal and ruthless and willingly so. In this moment she is Caesar. And soon she will become Rome, sacrificing another man, who might yet have been good, in the name of her unrequited love.

This moment under the pyramids is so important. Everything hangs on this declaration from Marc Antony, on Xena’s tears. I know people see it as confirmation of Xena’s feelings for him - and she has feelings to be sure - but they’re not romantic. Xena’s emotional reaction, and the genuine unease she wears thereafter do not hinge on her being in love with him. Xena’s humanity is enough to soften both her heart and her regard for Antony in this moment. Her compassion and regret are not dependent on attraction or attachment. And so the story doesn’t need to frame her tears for Marc Antony as a lover’s heartbreak, because her heart was always going to break for him, as it breaks for herself and Gabrielle and the ruin left in their wake.

And there will be ruin. Xena is certain of it. Although, for a moment, she might have held a glimmer of hope for Antony. This Roman who’s willing to give up his army for love. For love. Not that she wants what he’s offering. She just wants to believe he could be different. Not for her. For Rome. But then his sword is hilt deep in the belly of one of Brutus’ men and then slicing through the throat of another. And Xena knows - even as she and Gabrielle dance around the subject hours later, bathed in moonlight and disquiet - that any hope for him is misplaced. Knows exactly what he will do with Brutus’ army and Octavius if he prevails. Is keenly aware of what awaits if he learns of her deception and is allowed to live.

Because once upon a time she was the one who trusted and loved and was betrayed and lived. And thousands paid the price at the end of her sword for Caesar’s treachery. Xena can’t even imagine what Marc Antony, favoured son of Rome, might do. Can’t risk the chance. So he must pay the price at the end of her sword too. Xena wishes it weren’t so, tries to avoid the fight that will take his life - because now that she’s seen the humanity in her enemy she wants no further part in this madness she’s helped to orchestrate - only she doesn’t have a choice now. Alea iacta est - the die is cast, and her blade and her betrayal find Antony’s heart all the same. And when the end comes, there’s Xena, soaked in blood and rain and tears, in the middle of this fucking mess, the dead and wounded scattered about her. She can’t escape the truth of it then: she did this.

And it’s this! All of this - the many layers of trauma in need of reckoning and Xena’s tangled heart, twisted further by the part she is forced to play in Egypt and the goddamn fucking senselessness of it all - that carries the emotional weight of the episode. Who needs a Boyfriend of the Week when there’s already all this angst?

And, ok, I hear you say: Pattie, you’ve made some valid points about Xena’s state of mind, but why can’t Xena’s emotional and moral conflict be born from this fraught personal history AND from the fact that she *was* falling in love with Antony? Wouldn’t that make it an EVEN MORE dramatic and powerful story? Because she was specifically falling in love with a ROMAN GENERAL, the very epitome of the thing she has spent most of her adult life hating?

I would like to agree with you, dear skeptical reader, but the simple truth is that there isn’t room for both in *this* story. The reality is this: a 44-minute-long, action-focused show like XWP just doesn’t always have a lot of extra time to linger on the emotional beats. And this episode, in particular, already so busy with all the palace and political intrigue, has even less. So much of what we’re able to read of Xena’s psychological state - and *why* it’s so deeply fraught - doesn’t even come from this episode. It relies on past emotional beats to inform our understanding of her behaviour. (And, I don’t know, perhaps this is why a casual viewer might pass off Xena’s and Marc Antony’s interplay as romantic - because most of the horrible things that have happened to Xena by Roman hands are left unsaid, and surely, if we’d been reminded of them we would never accept that Xena would fall in love with a golden boy of the empire.)

As it is, there’s barely space for any kind of meditation on how either Xena or Gabrielle are feeling about the roles they are being forced to play and the seemingly callous and ruthless tactics they increasingly use to do so, let alone a tenuous romance. And the former is what this episode should be actively engaging with: the moral ambiguity that has been driving season five and will continue on through the end of the series.  

Further complicating things with a love story, doesn’t make the episode more dramatic, it just takes up emotional bandwidth that could be better served elsewhere. Because, yes, Marc Antony is the epitome of the thing Xena has spent more than a decade hating! Xena’s history with Caesar and Rome (and everything they both stand for) is richly layered and devastating. It cannot be erased or ignored. To suggest that she is capable of falling in love with Antony (and to ask us to then believe it) without also deliberately exploring the tension inherent in that act is obtuse.

Those kinds of emotional beats need room to fucking breathe. And the episode doesn’t do this because there’s just too much happening. It tries - in broad, moody strokes - to capture the tenor of Xena’s emotional landscape, and it succeeds in wrapping us up in the same angst that drapes Xena, but the source is nebulous. Her haunted looks and tears - under the sphinx and when her sword finds Antony’s belly - can only telegraph so much, especially when we have been given very little reason to feel invested in her supposed affection towards him.

And here’s where we finally touch on Xena’s checkered romantic history - and her self-proclaimed soft spot for Bad Boys Who Love Like Fools (10 points to Ravenclaw for your patience) - because I’m sure you’re about to suggest that Marc Antony’s air of a Bad Boy is itself cause enough to garner Xena’s affection. Powerful, disarmingly handsome, and charming? Check, check, check. Capable with his ‘sword’? Bonus: super check. But just because her past is littered with dysfunctional relationships and Bad Boys - though I’m sure not all were bad, and some were definitely women - doesn’t mean she’s interested in repeating her mistakes. The Xena of old is vastly different from the one we know by season five, even if there are parts of her that are very much the same.

The principal driving force in her early adult life and formative romantic relationships was lust. It ruled over every part of her. Lust for: power and for violence and for blood and for riches and for infamy, and, of course, for sexual gratification. And so, she sought out partners - themselves driven by the same hunger - who could satisfy all of her desires, not just her (very) carnal appetite. She fell hard and fast and burned white hot until something, or someone, else came along and made her feel even more incandescent. In those early days, Xena wasn’t looking for *love*, she was looking for a good time.

Now, that’s not to say Xena’s past romantic entanglements were frivolous or lacking in genuine sentiment. At the very least, I suspect many were sustained by the warm affection that comes naturally from the intimacy of sharing your life with someone, whether they’re riding into battle alongside you or just warming your bed over a long winter. Nor is it meant to be dismissive of whatever fondness she felt for her lovers. Because: not all love looks the same. There are different kinds of love and different ways to love.  

For Xena, though, whose heart had been so thoroughly and devastatingly mangled by Caesar’s betrayal, love was immaterial. At best, it was the unintended, if pleasurable, byproduct of a mutually beneficial arrangement. At worst it was a weakness that her enemies could exploit. Mostly, it was just a silly notion to scoff at. And the feeling Xena would come to associate with love - whether she acknowledged it as such, or not - was informed by both the dynamics of her relationships with Bad Boys and her own dark, irrepressible designs. It was selfish, and often cruel. Grounded in hot blooded impulses and savage desire, rather than growing out of an honest and patient connection.

And it became so thoroughly ingrained in her psyche. It was her overriding view of love. Even after she came to recognize how different love could be - and look and feel - once it was no longer centred in selfishness, when it was open and giving and kind, it was a struggle for Xena to undo her conditioning, to rewrite her love language. Because: first, she had to accept that she was worthy of this new kind of love, and then she had to actually accept it once it was offered.

But, old habits die hard, even for Xena, and I’m sure there were times - when she was just beginning to reframe how she viewed love and was learning how to reopen her heart - that she slipped back into her outmoded ways of thinking. Conflating lust with something else; allowing herself to be tempted by dalliances with partners who stoked her selfish desires, instead of tempering them. And maybe if Xena had crossed paths with Marc Antony then - back at the beginning of the series when her history with Rome was still messy but not nearly as tortuous as it is by the end of season five (you know after Britannia and its fallout which was the beginning of The Rift, and the deaths of Crassus and Ephiny and Pompy and the countless others who were the collateral damage surrounding those events, and, of course, Xena’s & Gabrielle’s own death on the cross) - I’d be willing to believe that she could love him.

Because, at one time Xena might have been interested in a man like Antony, might have been able to look past the Roman tunic and pursued him, taken in by his magnetism and allure. But by this point in the series Xena just isn’t interested, and not because her duplicity has made it impossible for her to be, but because by now her entire understanding of love - of being loved and giving love and nurturing it and making room for it to grow - has fundamentally changed. It’s been re-centred in selflessness, and everything that Marc Antony represents is antithetical to this new appreciation.

And I get that there’s an argument in here somewhere, that suggests Xena’s new approach to love might have softened her heart in such a way that she’s both able and willing to see the man behind the General, and be open to loving him too. But I would argue that the very things, the very people, whose love has transformed Xena’s heart are also the very things that would stop her from ever letting her heart go there. It’s not just that her point of reference on love has changed, it’s that she’s had years now of lived experience to break that cognitive dissonance between her attitude - knowing the kind of love she wants, the kind of love that’s *good* for her - and her behaviour - choosing that reaffirming, selfless love instead of the tempestuous, selfish one. She’s not blind to her past weaknesses, she knows exactly the sort of temptation Marc Antony offers - as surely as Gabrielle does the moment she lays eyes on him - but recognizing it is not akin to considering it. Because: Xena’s already found the love she needs and wants (and knows she’s earned and deserves).

Ok, but what of Xena’s admission on the balcony, when she cops to having a soft spot for Bad Boys Who Love Like Fools? I think it’s less about admitting (to herself as much as Gabrielle) that she’s developed romantic feelings for Marc Antony, as it is about Xena acknowledging a certain sort of fondness she feels for these ‘Bad Boys’. A fondness that’s born from a mutual understanding. Because: I think Xena sees herself in these men - at least an earlier version of herself - when she was ‘bad’ and foolhardy at love, and her heart tugs at the memory of it. Some curious mix of nostalgia and empathy, that softens her regard for them.

And she certainly sees herself in Marc Antony. The parallels between her story with Caesar and the story she’s now playing out with Antony are unavoidable, and if she’s cast herself as Caesar in this shadow play then Marc Antony is her younger self. Of course she would have a soft spot for him, she knows how this story ends. Knows, specifically, what it’s like to be willing to give your trust and your love only to be betrayed in return. And, of course, it’s made only more complicated with the knowledge that she’s the one who will ultimately be his ruin.

So, finally, exhausted and exasperated and, like 7,000 words into this, I hear you ask: what does it really matter? Xena doesn’t choose Marc Antony in the end, so what does it matter if it was lust or love or guilt or a fucking mid-life crisis that was driving her in this episode? Well, dear, patient reader: it matters because Gabrielle deserves better (THIS IS A BOLD STATEMENT, I KNOW, AND IT’S NOT AN INDICTMENT ON XENA’S CHARACTER EITHER, IT’S JUST THAT I FEEL VERY PROTECTIVE OF GABRIELLE’S HEART, OK! AND THE ONE THING THIS EPISODE DOES IS GIVE GABRIELLE THOSE LITTLE BEATS WHERE WE LINGER ON HER VISIBLE REACTIONS TO XENA’S TETE A TETE WITH ANTONY AND SHE’S CLEARLY JEALOUS AND HURT AND WORRIED AND SO, LET’S NOT LOSE SIGHT OF THE FACT THAT HER EMOTIONAL STAKES ARE ALSO INCREDIBLY HIGH IN THIS EPISODE, NOT JUST BECAUSE HER LIFE PARTNER IS SEDUCING SOME DUDE, BUT ALSO BECAUSE THE LEVELS OF BRUTALITY SHE’S INCREASINGLY HAVING TO EMPLOY ARE ALARMING. AND SO, SOMEONE IN THE WRITER’S ROOM WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS WHEN THEY WERE OUTLINING THE STORY - UNDERSTANDING THAT THERE’S AN UNDERCURRENT IN XENA’S & GABRIELLE’S RELATIONSHIP THAT WOULD MAKE SEEING XENA WITH ANTONY UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT THEN NOT ALSO RECOGNIZING THAT THAT SAME UNDERCURRENT WOULD MAKE IT EQUALLY UNCOMFORTABLE FOR XENA. AND IT’S JUST LIKE: TEAM, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT TO GABRIELLE? HER HEART MUST HAVE BEEN IN A TERRIBLE STATE. AND WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MAKE XENA COMPLICIT IN THIS?)

But, seriously, I’ve spent all this time diving deep into this episode and the ways it comes up short and why, and while I’ve alluded to it, I’ve mostly avoided the elephant in the room.

We need to talk about Gabrielle.

Because: Gabrielle is at the heart of why a romance between Xena and Marc Antony feels contrived and unconvincing. At this point in the show, it’s clear Xena & Gabrielle are fully and completely committed to each other (and, yes, I know that doesn’t necessarily preclude either of them from also seeking romantic or sexual partners elsewhere... I just don’t think they’re the sharing types, but I DIGRESS) - I mean, we *just* had ‘Kindred Spirits’ where they were nesting and talking about domestic bliss and privately teasing each other about their sex life in the most blatant way possible and failing miserably at breaking up but winning at being cute and married and adoringly in love. And I think it’s important to acknowledge the weight of Xena’s decision to very clearly have Gabrielle as her *life* partner - because implicit in the act of choosing to commit yourself to another person is a vow of fidelity, a bond that would be near-holy to Xena, whose word means everything.

But more to the point: Xena loves Gabrielle and Gabrielle loves Xena, and their love has been the beating heart of this show from the beginning. Gabrielle’s care and tenderness has been transformative - everything that Xena has come to understand about love, everything that she does to honour and protect it, is because of Gabrielle and the heart she’s so selflessly given of. And it’s this love story - and how the show has framed its slow and beautiful unravelling - that becomes the bench mark, the gold standard, for how all other love stories in this universe should be viewed, for how Xena, herself, now views love.

So, I guess what I’ve been saying all along is this: Xena can’t possibly be falling in love with Marc Antony because she’s already in love. Deeply, profoundly, bound-for-all-eternity in love. And no one, in this life (or any other, let’s be real) will ever compare. Not pretty boys with pretty words and pretty promises. Not Bad Boys Who Love Like Fools. Not even a god himself. There is only Gabrielle.

#xena #xena warrior princess #xwp #otp: for i am dying of such love #xena and gabrielle #S05E18: Antony + Cleopatra #pattie has some thoughts #the fucking audacity #i still cannot even

[rpbetter]

Is it okay to vent? I've been modding an rp group with friends and recently, I really haven't felt like things have been fair? Everything feels like it's swinging in favor towards a particular character of a person made recently mod and I hate it. It's also like there are several people very quiet in the group now and I've made like observations that might be concerning and brought it up, but no one seems to listen to me? I'm honestly just wishing I could care less right now bc while the original mod group was a group of friends, I'm struggling with feeling apart of it now and torn between going radio silence or forcing myself to expend effort more in hopes I'll actually feel like I have friends again.

Any time, Anon!

That is definitely an uncool situation right there, I'm sorry that's happening. If it makes you feel any better, I'm very sure that a lot of others understand too well what you're going through. I know I do! I wish I knew what the solid answer was to the entire, far too prevalent issue with RP groups failing for such reasons is, as well as this too frequently happening in any group of mods of anything, but I don't think there is just one answer that can be applied.

More specifically, though...to be painfully honest with you? The only thing here you can control is yourself. I know the suggestion should be a redundant and assumptive "have you tried talking to them more directly, you probably weren't direct enough" but lol you literally said you have brought this up and I don't feel like any number of times rehashing the way in which you've done so is going to make them listen. I'm not advising you to not try that, but I am advising you to not expect different results - only do that if it's going to help you move on. (Like, feeling a sense of well, I tried my best and they are not in a place to care, so, I'm done.)

I sincerely wish there was a way to just not feel things, not care about things, especially when you logically know it probably shouldn't dig at you as badly as it is! If anyone out there finds a secret to this, we're all dying to know, please share! But what you can do is slowly detach from the situation, and I think this might be best.

I know it was a friend group, I know how badly this hurts and how unfair it is...how it sort of changes the landscape of your RP time, too. I think, even if we do not consciously realize it, it's a goal most of us have to establish a good friend group we RP with, just like we establish friend groups in games. We feel so much more comfortable with this group of people we can enjoy all aspects of RP with, because let's face it, it can be a kind of odd thing to discuss with other people if they do not RP, even in a fandom. We also tend to develop our muses and our writing with our friends, naturally. So, achieving that only to lose it is tough, and it's tough no matter how many times it happens to you.

However, I really meant it when I said I don't think they're in a place to listen. Obviously, I'm not there in your RP group, I'm not seeing what is going on, I'm not hanging out with your friends (I mean? Probably? lol the RPC can be vast yet so tiny), but going off of what you've said and what I've experienced, that's really what I feel here. People have a simple tendency, in all group situations, to not be ready to see something as a problem until it's well past being easily addressed. Trying to force it into their field of vision is likely to make them angry and to see them more obstinately ignoring it.

Some reasons for that are not wanting to argue/fear of ruining things, genuinely being oblivious to the issue, enjoying the factors that are an issue for others, and favoritism. These are not things you can change. All you can do, as far as trying to address it again, is to figure out which of these/which combination is going on with the person in the group most likely to listen to you so that you can better talk to them. Whether you agree with them or not, understanding where someone is coming from is helpful to speaking with them. You can better phrase things so they're not triggering negative emotions.

For example, let's say you feel like it's a combination of this hypothetical one friend enjoying what is making others upset (let us say that this new member writes something with their muse they enjoy) and that it's become favoritism because of this and/or other factors (they're the one who brought them into the group, they were already a friend). Okay, so, now you have an idea of what you can say that won't prod at any feelings of accusation, jealousy, or even their own guilt.

Instead of: "Listen, I know x is your favorite person and you will always choose them over everyone else, but this is a real problem and I need you to hear me about it."

Try: "Hey, I'm needing to talk to you because I feel like this is such a serious issue. I've tried to discuss it with the entire group, but I've not been listened to and I know the group RP is as important to you as it is to me. I really enjoy x as well, they do y great and they're so z, but the way that the focus of the group has swung entirely to their character is a big problem for many in the group. If you've noticed, the activity of several others has dropped off. People feel they're not being listened to and that their characters and bits in the storyline aren't of equal importance anymore. What do you think we can do about this?"

Right out of the gate, you're expressing that you know they like this other person, but you don't dislike them or anything, you dislike what has happened in the situation. You've also given them the (correct) impression that this is endangering the RP, and that they are someone you feel is both interested and reasonable enough to want to fix the problem.

Again, do not expect that it's going to change anything, but if it'd make you feel better to try one more time, do it.

The problem so often with being a mod, even among a friend group who are also mods, is that moderators are very often set up only to act in the event of such extreme drama that the others won't want to deal with it. As a mod, you feel (again, correctly) that it's your job to...you know, moderate. That doesn't just mean disputes, it also means pre-dispute situations like this, among other things. However, the actual top moderator complaint is always that they're not listened to unless it's a problem that has kind of imploded the group. The kind of problem the rest of the group doesn't want to resolve for fear of seeming to play favorites or, frankly, fear of looking like a bitch. This is absolutely something that will put devastating cracks into the RP group, but since it isn't crumbling it rapidly yet...they'd probably rather that you just ignore it. Then, are rather likely to either drop the RP or want you to resolve it magically because you're the one who brought it up way back when it fixable.

So, we're back to "it's not a problem you can fix or control despite your position" yes.

And we can go back to what you can do to mitigate your own upset somewhat, also, yes. :D

There's this whole thing about ripping off the bandaid that just isn't applicable to all situations. (It isn't even applicable to all literal injury situations, damn.) This is one of them for a lot of people. Slowly distancing yourself so you can start putting energy into things that will return your investment of time, creativity, friendship might be better for you than just abruptly going radio silent, or even more drastically, leaving.

Don't engage with the group RP as often or in as timely a manner, be less of a presence there. It's difficult at first, but see, when you feel the drive to be there, you then use it for something else. If you have other RPs outside of this, reply to one of them instead. If you don't, start seeking out new partners/RPs instead. You have other RPs but they all owe you right now? Not a problem, do some character development. Whatever keeps you from spending as much time there.

As you do this, it's much easier to not be there. Just drop in to do what you have to. It becomes difficult, eventually, to be bothered to do so, I promise. A lot of other things you did not like that you were tolerating because these are your friends and this is something you enjoy, they'll become obnoxiously obvious. You know what else either will or won't? Them missing you being there.

If they do miss your presence and friendship, that's great! That's the best outcome. It might put into sharper perspective how bad the issue was, they might be more willing to address the problem now, make it a dedicated effort to not show that kind of attention to just one member's character/one member.

If they do not, then that does very much hurt. This is, unfortunately, how many friendships in the RPC decline. Not heated arguments, but rather, quiet inattention and replacement. If this happens, I'm so sorry, Anon. I can say all day long the total truth of the matter, that it wasn't the best group for friendship longevity and you can at least take the memories and lessons with you, but it won't stop it from stinging. However, because you have started to make other things your priority, it does lessen the upset.

Either way, this is a really frustrating situation! I think you've kind of answered what you need to do just in the phrasing here, "I'm struggling with feeling apart of it now and torn between going radio silence or forcing myself to expend effort more in hopes I'll actually feel like I have friends again." When we start feeling like have to force ourselves to expend more effort out of desperation to feel friendship like we once did, that's not a situation we should stay in. Sometimes, we just need to vent about it and see it pointed out to us to realize it, you know? Because it is hard to lose our friends and comfort zones, even when they've soured.

Maybe trial run slow distancing, just responding to the people who also feel like they're being left out, perhaps? Until the situation improves or you feel like you can move on easier. Nothing about this is going to be painless, but you can at least insulate yourself a bit while leaving the ball visibly in their court - I expressed this was a problem, it was ignored and is an ongoing problem, so, I'm not as invested anymore and it is up to you now to stay on that track or demonstrate some changes.

I hope that whatever happens, it's good for you! Even if it feels awful for a while, I hope it's eventually great. Maybe it's the thing you need to find an even better group, you never know until happens! I also hope that my delay in response didn't make things worse for you, please know I've felt really guilty about it despite not being able to get online :| I know just being seen at the moment you're feeling so frustrated and down helps so much!

#answered #anonymous #vent ask #group rps #moderators #preferential treatment #rp advice #rp help

[ikkleosu]

I’m going all in - I love you and kisses, and here’s why

But this is my caveat: These are my speculations only. Do not come to me saying I ruined your mental health if this turns out not to be accurate. Yes, I’d have a good hit rate this season but I’ve also made horrific wrong guesses so take this all in the speculative fashion it is intended.

OKay, so a lot of people want to know what my thoughts are on if canon is going to happen, when, what’s going to happen in ep 14 etc. And it’s a complicated story, but the first thing I have to say is - the first step I start from is trusting Angela Kang.

I know, right? But this is the way I see it. Kang has taken the shit heap that Gimple left her and is trying to mould it into something that she wants, and more importantly that she thinks the audience wants.

This is backed up by the comments made by the new AMC boss saying they did lots of research into why the audience dropped, and what the audience wants. THAT for me is the MOST IMPORTANT key in why I think Caryl canon is happening. The show has so little left going for it with the loss of Rick and Michonne, and what Gimple did to the writing, and the way TV is and its age etc. They NEED to not piss the core, loyal audience off further. Not doing Caryl is doing that. Caryl is the most popular ship, that’s a simple fact. So yes, Caryl is happening and I think it’s happening now.

And all the things I thought at the start of the season still stand, in terms of the comments by AK and Norman. So yup, Caryl’s still happening.

SO, that said, HOW do I think it’s happening. Well I think 2 bits of the comic are key...

First, let’s talk “I love you”

To me it’s been set up all this season that Carol will eventually talk to Daryl, open up about everything and let him in emotionally. And then we get the information that episode 14 is called Just Look at the Flowers. So yup, I think that’s when it’s going to happen.

We know that it’s Daryl she’s going to open up to (not Lydia or Zeke) because we have Daryl saying “I’m the one you tell”, and saying he’s begging her to talk to him. 

Just Look at the Flowers tells us she’s going to talk about Lizzie - the root of her self-hatred and pain. Something she’s never talked about since Tyrese swore her to secrecy.  

This is foreshadowed this week as well with Glenn’s grave. Daryl feels responsible for Glenn’s death. He knows how Carol feels and is contemplating it. So it will come up as a topic, which it would when Carol blames herself for both Connie’s death and Lizzie’s.

She’s going to lay out to Daryl why she hates herself.

That is foreshadowed by the dialogue in this week’s episode. Lydia says “you hate yourself”, seeing right through her. And even more significantly, Carol asks Daryl if he hates her and he says “I could/would never hate you”. (Note this phrase as I’m coming back to it in a minute!)

I believe Kang is going to use the Rule of 3 with Carol’s self-hatred. It’s been brought up twice, the third time it’s brought up it’s resolved. i.e. the next time Carol says she hates herself, or that Daryl hates her, it’s going to be “fixed” because Daryl is going to tell her he doesn’t hate her, he loves her.

(I also think this scene may also resolve the Rule of 3 over Daryl liking Connie. Carol twice has said he likes Connie. If she brings it up again, he’ll correct her and resolve it)

Now, it may seem like I’m jumping the gun in thinking he’ll say he loves her. I mean, he can forgive her and show he wouldn’t judge her without saying that? 

Well, firstly, we have the most basic obvious answer this week - he would never hate her. So that rules that out. As I said before, you don’t have the same conversation with the same outcome. So it has to take it to another level.

And then there’s this from the comics:

TO explain, this is Carl - who had The Grove equivalent story in the comics - explaining to Lydia about when he told Andrea that he killed Ben (Lizzie).

Carl goes on to explain that when Andrea said I love you, he remembered his dad saying your parents love you no matter what, so this was the moment he started calling Andrea Mom.

Now this may seem a tenuous link here but let me explain. This scene DOES happen at the point in the comics we are at in s10, just after A Certain Doom, when Andrea dies. And yes I realise I’m bringing up the dreaded ghoul of a parent child relationship, BUT it is reversed here, with Daryl being mom. LOL

Because I think Kang is using this scene as basis for Caryl - Carol showing Daryl the absolute worst thing she’s ever done, and Daryl proving what he said this week, he could never hate her, in fact he loves her. Just like Andrea told Carl she loved him, and showed her love is unconditional. So this story is going to lead to Carol knowing Daryl loves her unconditionally. 

But what about kissing?

Let’s for argument sake say well, i love you doesn’t have to be romantic love. And true, it doesn’t. Except for all the clues in the first half of the season (Carol’s dream, the ships on the bedding, Daryl taking her a flower etc). And also there’s this...

Now those of you who have been with me for a long time know this story, because I have been saying this for 4 - COUNT ‘EM, 4!!! - years! And by the law of averages, FFS, i must be right eventually.

Here’s the original post I made about it, in case anyone cares:

https://ikkleosu.tumblr.com/post/140064036369/lets-hop-on-the-delusional-train

This is me harping on again about the comic scene where Rick and Andrea get together. 

Now, for whatever reason they chose not to use that storyline with Rick and Michonne. It comes from the Negan era, so yes it’s essentially past that point, but there may be a reason they kept hold of it.

And it does fit Carol’s story MUCH better than Rick’s... and it seems very likely Daryl and Carol are going to get some of RIck and Andrea’s comic stories...

So, what if this is part of the scene in Just Look at the Flowers?

Swap the genders, Rick is Carol. As we know, Carol is in this place now.

It’s believeable to imagine that after Alpha is killed by Negan, Carol feels lost. without that revenge, what has she got left? She’s empty and dead and doesn’t know how to go back to just living a life (as she mentions in this week’s episode). 

Remember in the MSF Daryl says “It’s like talking to a ghost!” Possibly foreshadowing this conversation, and Daryl saying to Carol “Isn’t it time you came back to life?” before the smoochy happens!

Look, as I say, I could be wildly wrong on all of this but I am sure this is all leading someplace.

People have pointed out this is going round in a circle, more Carol torture, Carol’s arc begin rehashed. And they are right. It is, but I think it’s deliberate.

I think Kang is retelling Carol’s arc but giving it the ending either she always intended or AMC intended or something. But I believe she’s retelling it with the purpose of giving it the ending it deserves - resolution with Caryl, ending Carol’s misery.

@onedayyoujustchange​ summed it up:

Connie/Magna in the cave - Karen and David at the prison

Connie - Beth

Henry - Sophia/Lizzie/Mika

Zeke - Tobin

Left at the cave - banished by Rick.

It’s all coming round but this time Carol is going to be allowed to feel and forgive herself and move forward instead of papering over the cracks.

#twd spoilers #twd speculation #caryl