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#also also this is a poem in that. i wrote it and am calling it a poem...mnfkjdg

northern-passage · 11 months

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i wrote a 500 word dynamic poem for neo-twiny jam :-)

i rewrote this in a few different ways with a handful of different drafts before settling on just doing a poem; this originally came from a full branching narrative i've had stewing for a while, and i might come back to it one day. but for now i enjoyed channeling that into this poem, which has also been very influenced by the fact that i've been writing hungry vampires for almost 2 months now.... it was also my first time messing with audio in twine, which ended up being way easier than i expected (i'm sure it helped that i only used one audio sample tho)

faith does contain sexual content, and while not super explicit, it is the main theme of the poem.

anyways hope you enjoy and check out the other entries here!

#if u read one day hike it's in the similar vein i guess. sad lesbians...lol #this is VERY embarrassing for me i do not write or share poetry very often so. HRNG #i tried to do more of a narrative style first with choices & an abrupt short voice #but i really didnt like it. felt even more embarrassing than this...#i dont think the way i write lends itself to that style & it felt very amateurish/childish #so i set it aside for a while and kept working on my other project in the meantime #so i think when i came back to it i was feeling partially inspired by what i had written for that which made me rewrite it again #sex and food and desire and hunger... you know how it is #not 100% about it all together but i like it more than the first 4 versions lmfao #i did try to do timed lines as well and it just.. didnt hit for me. i love/hate timed lines you have to really get them just right #or else they're just annoying iykwim #also i was surprised i actually hit 500 words i didnt think i was going to #also also this is a poem in that. i wrote it and am calling it a poem...mnfkjdg #anyways. ough #faith #other writing

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pragmatic-optimist · 2 years

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how can i call this intimacy if i crave sharp edges but your edges aren't even edges they are soft landings how do i teach myself to accept a healthy love if all i’ve ever known is pain - rupi kaur

listen on spotify || current run time: 2 hrs 9 min

a collection of every song that has served as fic inspo for the epic emotional rollercoaster ride known as a @reyescarlos // ksmalltalk story on AO3.

featuring:

sanctuary - nashville cast // can i be him - james arthur // there's no way - lauv ft. julia michaels // mad - ne-yo // sudden desire - hayley williams // share your address - ben platt // little talks - of monsters and men // waking up slow - gabrielle aplin // all through the night - sleeping at last (cover) // love you for a long time - maggie rogers // who am i - needtobreathe ft. elle king // sweetest devotion - adele // let's fall in love for the night - finneas // no right to love you - rhys lewis // somebody special - nina nesbitt // i guess i'm in love - clinton kane // the man who can't be moved - the script // give me the future - bastille // memo - years & years // the few things jp saxe ft. charlotte lawrence +more!

(thank you @carsonnshaw for the stunning gif!💗)

#happy birthday kim!!!! 😊#in the early days of our friendship we talked A LOT about music #and how it inspires your writing #i loved every moment of those conversations and when a song pops up on my shuffle #and it's one that inspired a fic you wrote #or a WIP you have #it reminds me of how blessed i am to call someone as wonderful and brilliant as you #(with top-tier musical taste) my friend #love when we swap songs back and forth and make sure to point out the angstiest lyric in the song by sharing a screenshot LOL #today is a national holiday okay?!#hope you're living it up in whatever way makes you the happiest!#HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!#playlist title inspired by rupi kaur #this poem is so tk and carlos that it kills me #i think it also captures the heart of your tarlos fics and the journey you take us on #heartbreaking and honest and beautiful like your stories #tarlos #911 lone star #tarlos fic song inspo #tarlos fic playlist #happy birthday kim 2022 🥳#kim tag ✍️✨

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trashywritestrash · 2 months

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Short and Sweet

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x Reader

Word Count: 853

Warnings: Best friend’s brother— is that a warning? This is just a short lil thing for Valentine’s Day

A/N: The poem and response in this came from Thomas Richardson’s “Gentleman’s Valentine Writer” which wasn’t actually published until 1828 but I needed ideas, okay? Also, I wrote this when Bridgerton was still the lead in the poll lol

Living beside the Bridgerton household had many advantages. Being close in age to Daphne gave you the perfect excuse to spend time with her. However, spending time with Daphne meant also spending time with the rest of her family, which allowed you to form a close bond with them all. One Bridgerton in particular being Benedict.

Benedict was a few years older than you, but within a perfectly reasonable range that made it acceptable for you to fancy him. How could you not? He was sweet and sensitive, but he had a playful side that brought joy any time you were fortunate enough to witness it. Although, you never dared to dream that Benedict might return your affections. You were the best friend of his younger sister, surely he would not think of you in that way.

Initially, you had been excited to be presented before the queen and sent out into society. But while Daphne had been deemed the season's incomparable, you had fallen into her shadow. You were happy to see your friend receive many visitors and gifts, but some days it would hurt to see a line of men outside her door while you waited in an empty sitting room.

Waking on Valentine's Day brought nothing but sorrow. It was only one month into the social season and you already felt that you were destined to become an old spinster. With no prospective husbands in sight, you would likely have to face a second season. You did not expect that you would receive any callers that day, yet you waited in your sitting room in a fine dress, as you did every other day. Your mother sat in a chair at the far end of the room, leisurely reading until something would happen.

Early into the day, your butler entered the room with a calling card in hand, "A Mister Bridgerton is here to call upon Miss Y/L/N."

"Send him in," You replied, feeling your chest constrict. It was possible that one of Daphne's brothers had come to pass along a message for her, but a gentleman visiting while you were accepting callers still brought you a shred of hope.

Moments later, you saw Benedict step through the doorway, holding something behind his back. He smiled, "I see I have gotten here before the rest."

You returned his smile, nervous, yet calmed by his presence. "I think you will find that the gentlemen are coming to your door today, not mine."

"Then they are fools and I am lucky to have you all to myself."

"What can I do for you, Benedict? I find it hard to believe you would be here as a suitor." You spoke the words in jest, but felt your throat tighten as you said them all the same.

Benedict's smile fell into confusion, "What is so hard to believe about that?"

Taken aback by the genuine confusion in his tone, you clarified, "I only mean to say that I would not have expected it."

"If that is the case, I hope that you find this to be a good surprise," For just a moment, you heard a bit of nerves in his voice as he tried to present a confident image. "Unfortunately, I cannot stay long. But I wanted to bring you these and to officially declare my affection."

Finally, Benedict moved the hand behind his back to reveal a beautiful bouquet of morning glory and myrtle. You smiled wide at the sight, "Thank you, Benedict. They're lovely."

Shortly after, Benedict had to take his leave, although he promised to come back the following day. Once he had left, you reached for a book on the language of flowers. You found that morning glories are used to represent affection, meanwhile myrtle is used to represent love and marriage. Learning that brought a blush to your cheeks, finding the meaning to be a little bold, but not unpleasant.

It was then that you noticed a small folded piece of parchment beside the flowers. When you unfolded the paper, you could see the painted design done in watercolors. A man and a woman stood beneath a tree, which was situated between a lovely cottage and a church. The image was small, but you could tell that the couple was you and Benedict. On the other side of the parchment was a simple note.

I boast not eloquence, dear Miss, Nor do I write exceedingly fine; Therefore, I bluntly ask you this-- Pray, will you be my Valentine?

As you looked down at the note, you felt your heart swell. You held it close to your chest, feeling as if you could burst from happiness at any moment. Your mother then looked up from her book. "What is that, dear?"

"It is nothing!" You responded quickly. Luckily, your mother did not push the issue further.

That night, you folded the note once more and placed it in the drawer of the nightstand beside your bed. As you attempted to fall asleep, all you could think of was that you could not wait to see Benedict again.

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Want more fanfic? Check out my masterlist!

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#nel writes #benedict bridgerton #benedict bridgerton x reader #bridgerton x reader #bridgerton #bridgerton fanfiction #bridgerton fanfic #benedict bridgerton fanfiction #benedict bridgerton fanfic

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letustalkaboutlevihan · 2 months

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Hi! I want to share the poem I wrote inspired by levihan <3

Stay With Me

by @letustalkaboutlevihan

I'm covered in blood, half-dead and barely breathing on my own

Lost, abandoned, and doesn't have any place in the world to call home

The grass where I'm lying at was soaked because of the heavy rain

My body feels numb, but my heart can still feel the excruciating pain

I thought this is the end of me, but you fortunately found me before death does

You held me in your arms and gently looked at me with your worried eyes

You protected me from all the bullets that were eager to blow my head

Carried me to ran away and hide without a care that you'd also be covered in red

Risking your life to save my life and treating all of my wounds and bruises

My body was cold as dead but you soothed me with your warm embraces

You are the reason why right now, I am still alive and breathing

The first person who hug me and made me realized that I still want to keep on living

In your arms, I feel safe and sound, in everything that you do, I'm amazed

"Stay with me?" you asked quietly... I replied, "Always."

**********************************************

the fan art used isn't mine, please let me know if you know the artist~ thank you!

#levi x hange #levi #hange #levihan #hange zoe #levi ackerman

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impactedfates · 8 months

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You're taking requests?

Could I request your opinions on how Jing Yuan, Blade and Dan Heng confess to their crush please? Modern School AU if you don't mind :D

A/N: Yes yes, I am taking requests, and I don't mind at all doing a Modern School AU! Thank you for the request (and being my first request lol) and I hope you like this :)) I also wrote how I believe they would've met you and/or fell in love <3

Jing Yuan is most certainly one of the more popular boys at school. With his charming smile and pretty face. It's no wonder he got a good handful or more admirers. Let's be honest, you probably are also one of the admirers right? (Or not, who knows)

I can picture Jing Yuan and yourself being childhood friends. His feelings developed when you two were young, and what he thought would disappear in fact grew the more the two of you hung out. Oh but he is absolutely NOT complaining at all. It's you, if he wanted to be in love with anyone it'll be you.

Perhaps during a quiet and peaceful moment, where he would lay his head on your lap after an especially tiring day at school, he'd close his eyes to rest, feeling your fingers play with his hair. He'd mumble out a soft "I love you" as he drifted off to sleep.

He's not even embarrassed when you bring it up to him once he awakes. Just confirms what he said and even specifies that he 'like likes' you.

Blade seems like that one quiet kid in class, but instead of being bullied, people are scared of him. One glance from him and people may shy away. It's tiring to him when he just wants to ask for a pencil or something but he doesn't care really. He has his own small friend group anyways. However when you are partnered up with him and don't shy away from his glance and treat him as a regular person. He can't help but feel a bit surprised.

He couldn't even help falling in love with you due to how kind you were and in general how you treated him normally among other factors. Assuming the two of you became close enough to be friends. I think his way of confessing wouldn't even be him, I don't think he'd confess, not really. I feel like he'd be afraid to be rejected or just not care too much about his feelings, though Kafka for sure noticed how Blade acted a lot softer when you were around. Even if it was unnoticeable by others, you think she wouldn't notice?

On Valentines day at school she would plant flowers and chocolate in your locker or on your desk, sign it off as a secret admirer and request to meet behind the school. And with the help of SilverWolf, convince Blade to go behind the school at the time you'd be there.

With you looking at him softly and the gifts "he got for you" in hand, and the snickers of his friends from behind a nearby corner. It seems he may as well be honest with you about his feelings right?

Dan Heng is also a quiet kid in class. I feel like he'd have a mix of people who secretly talk behind his back, though he always knows what they said and who they are no matter how discrete they try to be. But also he would have admirers. (have you seen how pretty he is??)

I think what would've got his attention on you is when you stood up for him. Some kids were talking bad about him during a free class, and he was going to shrug it off like always when you suddenly called the kids out. He's quick to step in before a loud arguments ensues but gives you a small thanks. He didn't mind what people thought about him but the fact someone who was practically a stranger to him stood up for him? He definitely acknowledges that.

March 7th probably introduced you too the friend group, he gave a small nod hi as he saw you. Due to this, you two hung out more and more together. When he realised he grew feelings for you, he consulted March who almost instantly outed his feelings for you due to how surprised and happy she was for him. And although March tried, none of her suggestions to confess was really Dan Hengs taste or style...He eventually decided to just write a small poem for you to confess instead. Giving it to you after school before retreating to his own house.

First time writing for HSR characters, hopefully it's alright aha. Proof read but I tend to miss things anyways, so feel free to correct me if I missed anything :)

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kanmom51 · 7 months

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JK Live 4 October 2023

21:01 or 9:01 pm KST

cr./To all the creators of the media used in this post.

I was waiting for this, and kind of expecting this to happen, lol.

He said he'd be live at 9 pm. And yes, you can say, it's unintentional, a coincidence, but I say NO.

Both JK and JM have shown us over the years their attention to the numbers, the dates.

Starting the live at 9:01 was intentional.

9/1 or 1/9, however you look at it!!

Let's talk about the live, why don't we?

It was definitley an interesting one.

In a gist, JK shut down (well tried to) the whole Mingyu shipping shit. He most definitley shut down TKKs. I actually kinda, maybe (not really), felt sorry for them.

He listened to all the members songs, with certain degrees of favouritism and certain degrees of, well, not...

He drank. Like a lot. I think maybe someone needs to fill him in on the secret that alcohol does have calories. Yes, whiskey might not be as bad as beer on that front, but drinking as much and then not eating cause he's dieting... well, not the healthiest choice. And this is not, god forbid, me mothering or smothering him. His health is important for his performance (he says that himself), not to mention, man is constantly hungry. Eat more, is what I'm saying.

He once again demonstrated his neuro-divergency (that whole clean up session he had in the kitchen, lol).

He showed us, again that's it's all about choices.

He got pensive and serious at a point and said some very important things, which I will, of course, discuss here in my post.

He is super tired, but really struggling to sleep.

He is fighting so hard to drop the cute image, but man, it's just imbedded in him. He is so cute!!!

And he is so genuine.

He is genuine.

Let us begin our journey into JK's almost 1.5 hour live (yep, we are back to those, lol).

He starts out telling us he just got home from the company, and that he hasn't even prepared his glass (of drink) - kind of solidifies my belief that the 9:01 pm starting time was meaningful and intentional, because then he goes and prepares his glass and drink.

He invited us to have drinks with him, so as he's preparing his own drink he tells us to fill up our glasses as well, lol. Throughout the live he has 3 highballs, and by the end of the live admits he's kind of drunk. Which is not that surprising given he is drinking on an empty stomach (as high as his tolerance to alcohol may be).

He explains he came on Weverse on the 4th and not earlier because of his solo album announcement. Golden. Makes a toast with us to celebrate it. And he talks a little about it as well.

He tells us how Golden represented him after debut. We know him as the Golden maknae, he mentions I think GC (which for some reason they translate as golden chest and not golden closet, maybe because whoever is translating isn't aware of golden closet, who knows...), how he wrote a poem called Golden (the one JM went all gushy about, if you recall), And also "this moment is like a golden period for me." - Golden hour perhaps? Kind of fits with his choice of lighting for the live as well. Just saying.

And there you have it!!!

And after seeing this, go back and take another look at his concept photo...

The album includes 3D and the clean and explicit versions of Seven. 11 songs on it, which means we will get to hear 8 new songs!!!

He also explains how he thought he would release an ep and somehow it became a full album.

He didn't give too much info (well, he couldn't of course), but told us the title track has a performance and he's practicing, like A LOT. He wants to do well and is giving it his best. He also lets us know that the title song is a hard one and will be awesome!! I do hope this one is not a collab though (just my own wishes here). He is confident we will like it, and says we can look forward to it. I know I am.

He's complaining about how his body isn't the same, he's exhausted. Well JK my man, you wanted to be a adult, and us adults, we grow old too, lol...

He says "there is nothing that is making me stressed out, I am just tired." Now, that could be meant about the album being released, or the performance he's preparing for. But it could also be more...

He says he's keeping his voice down and wanted to be calm and have "older bro vibe", lol.

He wants to go with older bro vibe. Appear to be more mature? Since his full album is coming out?

Ok, so I'm going to say this here. The translation is somewhat off and wacky. I felt this with JM's live on 1st September with some of it, and I feel the same here as well. The whole golden chest thing, the "I'm keeping the weight down" when he's talking about the older bro vibe, and more... It feels like a. whoever is doing this doesn't know JK too much (the golden chest is a big clue), and b. are they just translating literally and not the actual sentence meaning?

JK shares with us how tired he is, how he's still having trouble sleeping, that he practiced real hard today and that his upcoming schedule is hellish. I can only imagine. He's really worried, "will I be good at this?"

Now, let's stop here for a second shall we? Didn't he just minutes before tell us he's not stressed out? So, perhaps that wasn't about the album and promotions at all? Perhaps that was more about the white noise shitshow that was going on in the background? Telling us that isn't bothering him, all while now sharing with us that what he is worried about is if he'll be good enough, do well enough with his performances?

He shows us he got an IV today, needs to replenish himself, yet he hasn't eaten. "I have to take care of my body too". Yes he does. But at the same time he says he has to lose weight. It kind of frustrates me, but then again, this is their reality, as idols. I just wish there would be less pressure on them in that aspect.

He reads a comment telling him to do well, says he will.

And then this:

Ok, so thing is, please raise your hand if you actually do believe the commenter was asking JK if he loves Taehyun of TXT.

No show of hands I see.

Lmao.

Nah, when this happened I didn't have the comments on and in any case wouldn't have been able to read them, not knowing Korean. But I kind of felt like maybe whoever wrote it wasn't Karmy and misspelled it perhaps? And then I saw this.

So here's the thing. If this was a misspell, makes sense that JK was maybe blissfully unaware of the intent of the comment.

But if this was indeed spelled out correctly, I kind of have my doubts he didn't read it right, especially given he says it twice before answering. And he's off telling us about TXT Taehyun. Whom he spoke with on the phone that day. He's so well mannered and cute, while being an old soul. Ok, here we go with another Taekook ship, lol. JK spoke to someone - must be something going on there. No wonder the man is so damn tired... Seven days a week seven sets of sheets... (eww... NOOOOOOO). No, but seriously, did we know that Taehyun was a good friend of JK's? No we didn't. Now we do.

Not seeing it doesn't mean it's not there!!!

It's funny how JK runs himself down constantly. Like the man is so intelligent. Perhaps not book smart (which is why he keeps saying he's not smart), but not everything about life is learnt from a book, and his emotional intelligence and artistic intelligence are next level. But he keeps running himself down, and I kind of feel that sometimes fans only hear or see that of him, instead of seeing his art and listen to what actually comes out of his mouth when he starts speaking about the deeper things.

Again, the "I'm Jungkook's girlfriend" comments. Ugh yuck. Like shut the fuck up already. But he just brushes it off. Reads it, asks what they are doing at this hour and snickers.

Comment "I really love you a lot". JK "I think I love you more". This is once again JK cementing just how great his love for army is. He will talk about it more later too.

Look, man loves army. We can't even start to understand the connection he has with army, given his whole career, starting out at such an early age and going through all the struggles that they went through to get where they are right now, feeling that it's because this sense of loyalty and love that army have for them. So yes, he loves army.

And another idiot in the comments asking JK to take off his shirt. Of course these people are flooding his comments. Funny how his reaction is:

Yes he giggles, but he's uncomfortable. And asks why they even said that. "It's embarrassing".

Happy that he called them out. As if it will help though.

JK shows us his Vogue magazine, the hip hop concept, which he says he liked the most.

Ok, so this was maybe intentional (I kinda feel it was), maybe not, but cute none the less.

He talks about how the comments are lagging, slow, and says:

and then he thinks for a second, eyes looking to the side (mind working), and goes:

Kind of random, don't you think?

Coming up with the 13 seconds lagging.

And happening to end up with 10-13. 🤣🤣

So, he started the live at 9-1 and now we have 10-13!!!

I'd say, either this was intentional (him stopping to think might just hint to that) or the man has 13 etched on his brain. 13 and 10, which is kind of coming up very soon...

Next JK talks about the TikTok he deleted.

Now here's the thing. On Stationhead JK said he saw the trend and wanted to do it. Not a word about doing the opposite of the trend. Going "the other way". JK isn't saying he didn't want us to see the clip he uploaded (which kind of might have been what was understood from what he said in Stationhead, and maybe that's why he's clarifying here). He says he wanted his TikTok to be for dancing and that's why he deleted. He also seems to be happy that army had seen it and spread it around regardless of him deleting. So, he wanted us to see it, but better it not be on his TikTok. And the thing is that he posted it to start with. He knew that army will catch it and spread it. He knew!!! And he wanted us to. I don't know how to articulate this properly to make my point clearly, but the whole thing screams Queer coding to me. I talked about it in a previous post, and I stand by my words.

This wasn't about doing something silly and then regretting and deleting. This was about posting something with a message, and then deleting because it couldn't stay up on his account ("as long as it's not on my tiktok"), but relying on army to catch it and spread it around.

"Let's talk in English", reading out a comment...

The Nah, though, lol.

"English is so difficult", he says in English, lol.

Talks about how the comments are slow and the responses in Stationhead were immediate, and then, out of nowhere he's going...

Puiriri...

Well, he actually does this during Like crazy as well.

Nope, not JM on the brain what so ever...

"Korean is sexy"...him going with that's right, Korean is the hardest language... He actually talks about how the translations from English to Korean differ from translator to translator and how interesting that is. True about the opposite way as well, seeing the difference in the structures of both languages.

"You want to see me laugh?"

Funny, the original translations were "smile if you're real". Either way, he's hilarious.

I can't with him. LMAO.

Prepares drink no. 2.

Again, this man doesn't want to be called cute, but he's so damn cute, lol. Like how can you be preparing this alcoholic drink and still be so cute about it? Lol.

No tequila or champagne for JK.

"You want to have a drink with me?"

JK: You already all know it.

Why does it feel like JK is talking about so much more than just knowing his address is up on YT?

"You want me to call out my address? But you really can't visit me." Boundaries set once again. With a smile. But set none the less.

Plays a song he tells us he was recommended by one of the dancers while filming 3D MV. 21 by Gracie Abrams.

Says we'll be like this today "let's rest". How you can call what he does later as rest I have no idea, lol.

He shows us where he shot the TikTok clips, the corridor. Shows and explains a little how he does it.

Does a little clean up sesh in the kitchen. The way he was rearranging the bottles and utensils, while on live, was that intentional? Was it just his neuro divergency, getting distracted perhaps? Idk.

Asked if he ate, asks "what will I eat?" in English and tries to say something else or thinks maybe he didn't say it properly initially, but gives up, lol.

Then someone askes to hear Hobi's song. And JK is happy to go put on Jhope's song, saying he misses him. 😭

Says "Arson", twice, but then plays "More", lol.

Ok, so this is where we start with listening to the members songs, and I do have something to say about this.

JK plays 2 of Hobi's songs, and puts on a show.

If this is JK resting... Lol.

Sure he's tired...

After Hobi, JK plays Tae's Slow dancing.

Then stops the song, sits down saying how tiring have to rest and then says "Let's go with all the major songs for the members".

And guess who's next... one guess allowed... Of course you know the answer to that.

He has Like crazy playing twice in a row and then SMF pt. 2. He really LOVES SMF pt. 2. You can tell it means A LOT to him. Not that LC doesn't, but I feel that emotionally LC is harder for him, while SMF pt. 2 is cathartic (for JM and as such so meaningful to him as well).

He's all playful with LC.

We have this as well...

And at some point wants to do something, walks off camera looking for a prop, I guess, only to come back deciding it's a no go - won't be fun (me sitting here dying to know what he was up to).

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The whole bottle empty during LC.

He moves on to Jin, 1 and a half songs, RM (3 songs) and Suga (2 songs).

Point being, the only member that gets only 1 song played is Tae. Ouch. The only member to have the same song played twice - JM.

So, let's talk a second about the whole Like crazy playing twice. Cause Idk if you get it. He listens to Hobi and then Tae's Slow dancing, then says "we have to listen to all the members", cause he ain't falling into the TKK trap, and he plays JM. Cause, of course it would be JM. But here's the thing. Each one of them was on a specific playlist. When he played a song it continued to the next song in line. Hobi he said Arson, but actually played More (which was interesting within itself), and then it went to On the streets. RM same, went down through his album, Suga the same. But not JM. He played Like crazy, and then following it, him not moving from his chair or changing the songs or going to play it again, it played it again. Same version. In the album Like crazy is followed by SMF pt. 2 (which did follow the second time LC played, and he did listen through that too). So my question is what kind of playlist JK has for JM? Does he just have these songs going on repeat? He gets up to stop it just at the end of SMF pt. 2, and I can't help but wonder what the next song would have been? SMF pt. 2 again maybe?

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Of course he still remembers the choreo.

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He talks about Jin and Super Tuna, how he's wild and that side of him is why the team is so bright. He really loves him so, and misses him.

"I miss my members".

Prepares drink no. 3.

The whole ceremony around the drink preparations... he's so funny.

He makes a comment about Jin's MV while looking towards where his whole music playing set up is. So, this is YT he's playing from? Which means these would be YT playlists? Which means he watches LC on repeat? I mean, who could blame him really?

Gets up to change the playlist to RM's songs.

While Flowerworks is playing he reads a comment and says:

"Did Mingyu cut his hair?"

Now, we know they saw each other later that night, getting together with others as well, but JK once again draws the lines here. He's a good friend definitley. Someone he hangs out with, of course. But knowing if he cut his hair... meaning being in constant contact with him or more than that, as there are some that might think... nope.

Ok, time to get serious.

He starts to talk about the members songs, their "colours are so different", and then he's asked after resuming activities in 2025 what he wants all the members to do together? Turns down the music a bit to get serious:

Make an album, quickly come out to see army, first priority of course. From the moment they get back together to find the way to come out as quickly as possible. "We will do Bon voyage...we will do In the soop..."

Stops, gets up to turn down the volume even more, and this is when you know he's delving even deeper, and getting even more serious. Sits down and continues...

Ok, I'm really not sure this is about the solo activities. He talks about that further on. I thought this when I first heard this during the live, and although the wording is slightly different I still think this is JK is sending us a message. They love us, they love each other. They will be coming back and they will be giving it their all. But that said, they will also have their own personal lives. Setting the stage, perhaps? For relationship announcements? Marriages on the way? He told us that he wants to make us happy, but to do so we have to understand that he deserves happiness as well. Is this one step further in that direction? yes their focus is on army, but with all of that they will also have their own personal paths.

He continues about them wanting to "look awesome" in front of us, or want to give us strength,

He knows what his top priority is, and he hopes we know that we are the reason. For real.

He continues to talk about coming back in 2025, releasing a song, saying it will be approx. 2 years.

They mustn't forget there are those rooting for BTS. Train, release an album, tour.

They will have to meet army around the world.

This is interesting:

They will reveal by doing shootings and "let your ears get pleased and let you watch our shows". Stories

"BTS is this kind of team". That is what they will show.

And what members each want to do, they can do that later. Him making clear that their first priority is the comeback as BTS.

Number one priority is about the group, and he makes sure we understand that this is not only him speaking but also true for every single one of them.

Again, army's importance to him. This isn't acting or being false or fake, this is genuinely what he feels. When said in a comment that army are because of BTS he corrects them, sets things straight: BTS are here because of army!!

And then this happens:

"Jeon Jimin?" he reads out a comment.

Now, I understand people think it's disrespectful because of the meaning it has in the West but the fact that in Korea people don't change their names after marriage. Thing is, Karmy nor JK, for that matter, really find it offensive? He doesn't even take it that way. To him it's someone putting their two names together, I'd say just like Jikook or minkook or kookmin. Nothing more nothing less. And he chooses to read it out. He could have just left it, but he decided to read the comment out.

This is when he remembers he has to play Suga's songs too, lol. Playing Haegeum.

"How can all the member have such different tastes in music? Isn't that fascinating?"

I love it that he feels that way. I love it that he knows how talented he is (especially knowing how he runs himself down intellectually). I love that he knows and appreciates the rest of the members talent as well. They are all different, and yet all outstanding each in their own way.

And not only does he see that in them, he also attributes his own growth as a person to them.

JK tells us how Yoongi told him off for not doing the Haegeum dance challenge, repeats it a couple of times too, how he was upset about it, lol. So he says he will do it. A little late, no? And he makes sure to make it clear that it won't be soon either. But it will go up on his TikTok.

Toilet break time.

Comes back, finishes up his drink and stops Amygdala to play Seven and 3D before he ends his live.

So, he chooses the explicit version of Seven. Sings along. Admits he's a little drunk and for now will stop drinking. Emphasis on "for now", lol.

Now, while he's playing Seven someone asks for him to play Slow dancing.

Once is enough, thank you very much!! Lmao. He just keeps shutting them down. It's also the way he says it, the intonation. Sound annoyed, lol.

Says he'll play 3D and say his goodbyes, which he does. Sings along to 3D as well, ad-libbing at the end, kind of wondering if this is something we will be getting in his live performances. It does feel like he chooses to sing certain lyrics while not others, in both Seven and 3D.

Then he says his goodbyes, to look forward to the album, to know that he is always thinking of us, to have a wonderful night and day and thanks us again .

So that's it. JK's live. Missed these lives of his, as exhausting as writing these posts are, lol. This is Jungkook. Cute and funny and serious and sincere.

#Jungkook #JK #JK live #Jikook #Kookmin #Minkook #Jimin #JM #Youtube

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kali-chaotic-neutral · 3 months

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What you need to hear right now

Pick an outfit aesthetic and get called out by my Tarot decks

Light Academia Preppy Fairycore Coquette

Disclaimer: This tarot reading is not meant for you to make drastic choices or actions. Take this with a pinch of salt, this is just me giving advice with my sassy decks. Take the advice you want, anything that doesn't resonate, leave it.

My decks are taking turns calling you out on your bullshit, because sometimes delulu is NOT the solulu.

Light Academia:

What is your relationship with money? No, seriously. You're saving and saving money and not using it. And that's good. But there's a thin line between being frugal/not wasting your money and willingly hoarding. The former is being more smart and saving up to benefit you in the future, but the latter comes more from anxiety and fear. You don't want to buy things or spend some money in fear of loosing everything. Hoarding and having this paranoia over money will end up in you loosing it all as the universe will see you unhappy over the money you have that it will take it back and not give it. Not because you don't deserve it, but because the universe thinks that this wealth and money that you're hoarding is putting you in a bad place and it doesn't want that.

Why are you so nervous and hesitant to reveal your projects? It could be a book you're writing, poems, art, anything. Your fear of failure and eventually not letting others see your work will lead to what you fear. Failing. I was there in that place, darling. I feared people would judge me because of what I wrote, how I wrote. Then I showed a couple of my friends and teachers and they LOVED IT! People might not like it, but that doesn't they'll hate it. You'll never you know until you try.

How long are you going to hold onto the fear of failure or maybe years ago when you did fail in something that caused that fear? How long are you going to let the past drag you down? Hold you back from being the writer, the poet, the artist that you are!? The fear will always be there, but would you rather be in a a perpetual state of fear and anxiety or be someone that doesn't have regrets. Because there will be if you hold yourself back like this. Oh, why did I not just enter that poetry contest? Why did I not just show my art to others? Why did I not... Why didn't I... Regrets. Do you want a future full of regrets? No? Change.

You have a habit of being a big talker. Oh, I'll publish my book when I 'm 25. Oh, I'll go to the best art college. Oh this and that and that. But do you work hard to achieve those? I'm a big talker too, I had troubles working up as well. My 11th grade AS Level exams were a wake up call for me. I've passed and am on my way to a good college in a few months. Work hard and smart, don't keep flapping your gums dreaming big. It won't come true unless you work hard enough for it. You're also focusing too hard in perfecting your work to your detriment. Trying to perfect things almost always lead to it being even worse than before. Leave your projects as they are and let someone else, someone you trust look at it. Let them give you input and comments on your work, take those comments as ways to make your work better. Not as flaws they notices.

Once you fix all this shit up, work on yourself and your fears, fast change and movement will come. Maybe you'll finally get into that art college or college. Maybe you'll get that scholarship. But good change is coming. Don't read this and go: oh, good change is coming, I'll just relax a bit—NO!! If you do this the change will be for the worse. The universe will be sending you lessons after lessons if you slack off. Not until you're well off and in that dream house and job.

Slack off and my cards can see bad luck coming, you might lose people in your life due to conflict. Nothing good. There will be family issues that will need your attention, maybe someone is sick or just not feeling well mentally. If you actually work hard, I can see you becoming emotionally mature, and a good and loving figure to yourself and others.

Preppy:

Why are you putting more on your plate than you can eat? Why are you willingly allowing your workload to get heavier and heavier? You're overworked, on the brink of a burn out and yet you're here panicking and loosing sleep over the burden of projects and work you've put upon yourself. Put the other projects aside, do the most important one. And now, I know there is one project that is more important than the others. Evaluate the significance of the work you're doing and do the most important ones. One by one. Don't multitask darling. And stop overburdening yourself. You're letting obstacles get in the way and thus loosing discipline over yourself and loosing sight of your real goal. Take back the reins and steady yourself, focus on the path you want to take and go there.

Due to doing the exact amount of work you're supposed to be, you're able to solely focus on your projects. Cultivating it and making it better and successful. And I can see this as a time of celebration. BUT. Don't let it get to your head. Because if you do and you get cocky, fortune will not favor you. When things go downhill for you, learn from your mistakes and ensure it doesn't happen again.

You're not letting change take place. You're refusing to let this chapter of your life end, because you're afraid what the next chapter holds. LET GO!! Stop trying to extend the pages of this chapter. IT"S OVER. The more you resist, the more the situation will drag and drag. Universe has your back no matter how stubborn you are.

You're doubting yourself. This is impeding you being able to fulfil your highest potential and be your best self. Take a small break from whatever you're doing. Reflect, self evaluate. I've recently begun doing shadow work every night before bed, 3 questions max (you can find on Pinterest) and I do a gratitude journal every morning when I wake up (bullet list of what I'm grateful for). Limit and stop your inner critic, because you become what you think. If someone grows up being called an idiot they'll always think they're an idiot. It won't matter if a few teachers of peers say they're surprisingly smart. Change your mindset, be kinder to yourself. It isn't easy. But you'll get there.

If you continuously drag the past and your insecurities with you, it will lead to more stressful situations, more sadness, failure, a place where you'll be forced to choose. if you don't let these drag you down, you will become the highest version of yourself and someone who is successful and confident and powerful.

Fairycore:

You're not listening to your intuition, or your inner voice. Your intuition is important and should be heard. Maybe you're ignoring red flags in a person, or a situation. You're not listening to yourself and that is not good. You're not facing your inner world or your inner truth. Not wanting to accept or listen, not sure. But it isn't going to do you any good. Withdrawing from your inner world will lead to disbalance. Turn towards your inner self, take care of it. Focus on which part of your life is being unattended, care for it.

You're trying too hard to fit in with the crowd. Going along with the trends, doing what everyone else does, and nothing is wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with going with the flow and doing what is familiar to you, just don't put too much effort into it. Like you know the long line for Stanley Cups? (I think that's what they're called) Like don't be that desperate and plain like the others.

There will be burdens on your mind/mental health due to neglecting your inner voice and thoughts. You will end up bursting and exploding one day and it will lead to guilt and embarrassment. This will lead to you withdrawing within yourself, not wanting to go out. You'll feel tempted to give up and withdraw into yourself. Don't. Plan strategically, be aware of people around you that may not have your best interests at heart. Don't trust blindly, listen to your intuition and gut feeling. Listen and plan.

Once you begin strategically and logically planning, you will be successful (financially) and there will be better relationships in your life (platonic, romantic, etc.) You life will be more harmonious and calm and pleasant and once you've dealt with the people who don't have your best interest at heart, new better friendships will come. SO DON"T GIVE UP B*TCH!!!

Coquette:

You're frustrated because an idea for a project that you have, is not really having the breakthrough that you hoped it would. You're exasperated, tired and annoyed. I would be too. But it won't get better the more annoyed you get. Go back to the planning books/board and read over what you had planned. Proofread it, cut out a few things, add a few things, change a few things. Don't let frustration get to you here. It happens to all of us. The project simply needs a tweak. You're ambition has lead you to rush with this project, that's why it's not going the way you want it to. You've rushed the planning, so the project will be that way. Unsatisfactory. Don't rush headlong into these things, take time to prepare and plan the foundations of the project. It's almost like you're trying to grow up fast. And that's not good. Don't rush the process. Enjoy your life as it is now, before adulthood comes with its imposing responsibilities and expectations. Otherwise you'll live a life looking back into your childhood with regrets.

Because of this regret or stress from jumping into things rashly, it could lead to unhealthy addictions. You falling into darker thoughts. This could lead to times of confusion, where you're lying to yourself. Being delulu and trying to convince yourself it's not that bad. Change. Don't let your delusions get ahold of you, take a break from what you're doing and re-evaluate your work. Once re-evaluated and proper change brought, I can see you getting everything you've ever tried manifesting.

there could be a male figure (either a partner/brother or friend) will be a great help to you in financial matters. Maybe even a beginning of a romance if it is a friend and if it is a partner, maybe your love life will take a next step. ONLY if you work on the issues I've stated

#tarot spreads #free tarot reading #tarot community #pac tarot #pac reading #tarot pac #witchy vibes #baby witch #witchcraft #pick a pile #pick a photo

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endthedream · 8 months

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a sweet melody

pairing: siren!haechan x human!reader (she/her)

summary: Insanity isn’t what she expected to receive when she joined her father and his crew on an expedition, full of men who think she isn’t capable of anything. But it’s all that she got after seeing nothing but endless water every single day. Maybe that’s why her mind started imagining a strange boy who finally shows her the appreciation she deserves. Maybe that’s why she ignores the way she can’t escape the trance he puts her in whenever he sings a melody for her. Or maybe everything is real, and the boy isn’t who he pretending to be.

words: 12.5k

story colour: green

some warnings:

it’s angst, the word “killing” gets mentioned a few times but nothing happens, heavy manipulation

masterlist of ‘nct dream as super natural creatures’

August 2nd, 1878

Day 25 on sea

I don’t remember the feeling of solid ground under my feet. Grass under my toes, touching stone walls or sleeping in a soft bed that isn’t rocking from the waves crashing against the ship.

I don’t remember the taste of air that isn’t filled with salt. The taste of anything other than fish.

I don’t remember not being nauseous every day, not fighting against boredom, not having to talk to myself in order to stay sane. Having to remind myself that I am me and this expedition isn’t pointless and could possibly make us rich until the day we die.

Father told me to write down my thoughts, he senses that I’m slowly losing my mind. But how can’t I? All I see, day and night, are endless expanses of water. No land in sight. We are miles and miles away from civilization. Alone with the sea and what lays beneath it. That thought can be frightening sometimes.

My brother called me a wimp, told me I should have just stayed at home and let the men handle it. I think he is the one who is a wimp. He’s scared of the power women can hold in a world that is overpowered by men. He doesn’t want me here, thinks I belong only at home like the other women in our city. But I don’t believe that even for one second. I have so much more potential than cooking and taking care of children. I’m an explorer, an adventurer, a researcher. I belong exactly here with my brother, my father and his crew.

I am so much more than all of them point me out to be and I know I can prove exactly that to them. I can prove that women can do all things men have been doing for years, maybe even better. I will prove it, even if it makes me go insane.

August 7th, 1878

Day 30 on sea

I miss my mother. I miss her comforting words, her warm arms and the smell of her perfume. Father misses her too. We talked last night while watching the waves under the moonlit sky. He told me he thinks she is watching over us, protecting us from unknown dangers. He told me that he thinks she is proud of us, especially me, for having the courage to explore the sea. I think he is right. Mother would have loved for us to do the things she always dreamt of doing. Exploring. She always wanted to know what lays beyond the sea, know the secrets behind it and write it all down.

Mother was the creative one in our family. She wrote poems, drew beautiful paintings and crafted useful things out of our waste. There was nothing she couldn’t do, no challenge she couldn’t face. I admired her for that, looked up to her and wanted to be like her. Father says that sometimes he sees a bit of her in me, a bit of her creativity leaking out of my aura, but most of the time I am like him. A big pighead who is way too nosy for their own good. But he also said that this trait will help me on our journey.

“We need people like you.”, he spoke as he looked into the sparkling reflection of the stars on the water. “People who are brave and people who are inquisitive. People who don’t stop when it gets too much and get driven by the passion of wanting to know what lays beneath the unknown. That’s why I want you here.”

“But why did you bring my brother as well? He is nothing like that.” My comment made him let out a quiet laugh, a sound I haven’t heard from him in a while.

“Because he can fight. We need people like that as well.”

Our talk was over after that. He went to sleep, and I stayed up, watching the stars in the dark night sky and thinking about his words. Does he really want me here or is he just being nice to me because I’m his daughter? The others on the ship are not shy to express their dislike for me. I’m not taking it to heart since they care more about my gender than my capabilities. But I care about my father’s opinion. I care what he thinks about me being on this ship with him and if he thinks that I should have stayed at home like everyone else is telling me.

I hope he didn’t lie to me. I hope that his words were sincere, and he actually wants me to be here. Because I think it would shatter me if he didn’t.

I figured I should talk more about my current mental state. Every day I try not to show how much it affects me that even though there are so many people on this ship, I’m still alone. No one wants to talk to me, no one cares about my opinion, and no one wants me here. I spend most of the day watching the ocean, listening to the waves and the birds stopping by. When I see something, an animal or even just seaweed, I write it down and draw a picture of it. It helps me a bit, I think, but I’m not quite sure.

Yesterday a boy, his name is Jisung, let me help him prepare a fish. It was the first time someone had spoken to me without throwing an insult at my head. I haven’t seen him much around the ship since he spends most of the time in the kitchen with his father. But he seemed nice enough, even though as soon as another crew member approached us, Jisung ran away from me, not wanting to be seen with the “intruder”. I wasn’t offended by it, at least I got to eat a nice fish for dinner.

But I’m wandering again. My mental state. I do think I’m getting a bit… well, crazy. But who isn’t? Everyone on this ship is going through the withdrawal of feeling solid ground under their toes and seeing anything other than salt water every single day.

I think we all are slowly losing it.

August 15th, 1878

Day 38 on sea

The air was nice today. It smelled fresher than before, kind of like we entered a new world overnight.

It just felt so clean.

Maybe that’s exactly what I needed, some fresh and clear air, something that removed the mess inside of me as well. Father said that fresh air always helps with an occupied mind. I guess his thesis has been proven right.

I should listen to him more.

He is old and keeps to himself most of the time, but when he actually does talk, it has an impact. Just yesterday two of the men on the boat accidently- in a drunken manor- knocked over two wooden boxes full of fish we haunted, leaving us with not much left. Father was furious, I could tell by the look on his face, but he kept his calm image. He went up to the two men and instead of screaming, he just stared at them for a few minutes. I think his eyes were what intimated them the most.

“You realize what you just did?”, he asked them, and I never heard his voice being so cold. They just nodded their heads, eyes widened like they were deer’s getting hunted by a wolf. “You realize what that means for the two of you?” Hesitation lingered in their demeanor. Clearly, they didn’t know what consequences followed their stupid mistake.

“Since you prevented us from having a week stock of fish, I’m going to do the same to you. That means limited access to food, no alcohol anymore and you are going to clean the boat from front to back. I want to see it spotless. Are we clear?” Again, their heads nodded faster than the wind blowing my hair away. They hurried off after being dismissed, leaving me standing there as father let out a long sigh.

It must be hard, having to be in charge of a bunch of grown men who act like children. And it must be hard seeing your own children having to face some of their own hardships as well. I’m not saying my brother is having a hard time on this ship, I’m saying in general. Someone filled with that much piled up anger, like my brother, must have some troubles they can’t communicate themselves.

It’s not like I have never tried. Talking to him, I mean. I did, plenty of times. But he never listens. And he never talks. I think it is the masculinity they force upon boys these days. It starts in school when they are just little fellows and continues all the way into adult hood. It teaches them not to cry, to hide their emotions and be strong.

I think that is stupid. I think that as human beings we were created to show our emotions. It’s our darn right to let ourselves feel everything freely without having to hide it.

But my brother is taking it seriously, says that the people in school would make fun of him if he’s showing weakness. Weakness. That is stupid. I think that hiding your emotions and building up this wrong image in which you hide behind a made-up strength, is what makes you weak.

I told him that and he just said: “And that’s why you’re a woman. You wouldn’t survive a minute being a man.”

And you wouldn’t survive a minute being a woman either. But I didn’t say that. I didn’t want to make him more upset, and I especially didn’t want to start a discussion about men and women with him. It is pointless, because no matter what I say, he will never see us as equals.

I wish I were closer to my brother. I wish he wouldn’t have to think about all this stupid stuff. And I wish I could live in a world where I could freely express myself without having to justify my every move.

I wish, I wish, I wish.

August 19th, 1878

Day 42 on sea

We saw dolphins today. They were swimming right beside our ship, jumping high up into the air and whistling at us. It was a magical moment, watching them happily swim, eager to interact with us. I even got to draw a picture of them. And for a moment I forgot that my mind is constantly spinning in a spiral. I just sat there, enjoying the short moment of peace, before it got destroyed.

Some of the men on the ship, clearly drunk, threw bottles at the dolphins, slurring insulting words at them. The dolphins swam away shortly after, but the bottles stayed where they threw them, in the ocean. I was so mad that I went up to one of the men, yelling some pretty mean words as well.

“Are you out of your mind, you drunk filthy piece of shit? Not only did you hurt poor helpless animals that were clearly eager to interact with us, but you also polluted the ocean with your stupid bottles of alcohol. Are you really that messed up in your head to think this was a good idea? I don’t even get why you are on this god forsaken ship. You are clearly not good for anything other than drinking your days away and only caring about yourselves. And you call yourself a man. You are nothing but a pathetic little boy, wanting everyone’s attention. You disgust me, you pig.”

I can’t remember much afterwards, only the stinging feeling against my cheek, a foot against my rip cage and someone yelling to stop. I woke up not long ago. The ship is quiet, so I assume it’s already in the middle of the night and everyone is sleeping, but I’m too scared to look. My body hurts, every time I move only a slight bit, a crushing pain curses through my bones.

When I close my eyes, everything is spinning, so I don’t close my eyes anymore.

I don’t regret what I said to that man. I don’t regret standing up to myself. I had to endure a worse treatment for a longer time and could handle it. It is not my fault that he couldn’t handle a bit of critique. All I hope is that this pain will go away soon. The pain inside and outside.

I’ve been thinking, maybe a bit too much. What if I change my way of thinking? What if instead of letting the ocean hurt me, I will let it heal me? What if instead of letting the loneliness consume me, I will let it lead me? Maybe all I have to do to get better is to change the way I approach this expedition.

And now that I have written it down, I will have to do it. My mother always said words only count when you write them on a piece of paper. In that way it is like a contract, unbreakable. It is like an oath you swear only to yourself, and those should be the most precious ones. She said you should always keep the promises you give to yourself, because after all, at the very end you will always have yourself to count on. Mother was a wise lady. A wise and confident woman, that I always looked up to. She was never afraid to speak her mind and stand up for her beliefs, I admired that side of her so much. And I know my dad also admired that.

Sometimes I forget that he lost his wife, I forget that he is still grieving. Because it looks so easy for him. It doesn’t look like he is compulsively taken of on a ship to “explore the unknown” just to get away from home and the recuring memories of the woman he loved so dearly. It looks like he created a team of the best- that’s arguable- men out there and took of to explore. He looks like a hero, not a broken man.

He hides everything so well. I wish he would have taught me how to do that.

August 20th, 1878

Day 43 on sea

Dad told me not to move too much. He thinks my rips are badly bruised and I need a few days, maybe even a few weeks to heal. We don’t have a qualified doctor on this ship, so I am just putting ice on my ribs and hope they will magically heal.

My brother even came to my room to ask me about my well-being. That was the last thing I expected to be quite honest with you. My brother and I have never had the best relationship. He was never a reliable soul, always easily influenced by others. He is a follower not a leader and that shows in the way he behaves towards others, especially towards me.

“Are you fine?”, he asked me, voice unusually soft. I could see it in his eyes, the pity that lies in them. It looked like he actually cares.

“Forgetting the circumstances, yes, I am fine.” He let out a long and deep breath, a hand stroking back a piece of hair that fell into his eyes. I should have asked him if I should cut his hair for him.

“Okay.”, he just answered, nodding his head before standing up again. “If you need anything, just call for me.” Without looking at me again, he left the room. All I could do after that was smile. It was the first encounter since we were kids that didn’t end up with me wishing I would never have to talk to him again. He may not know how to express what he is really feeling and is scared of voicing his own thoughts, but this small conversation showed me that he may not be all too bad.

August 25th, 1878

Day 48 on sea

I am going crazy. I sit on my bed every single day. I draw, I write, and I stare at the wall.

I can feel my thoughts circle around my brain, nothing makes sense. No one visited me in the past two days, and it makes the urge to get up even worse. I didn’t really have someone to talk to from the beginning, but at least I got to be around some living beings. I didn’t have to bear my own thoughts for such a long time. Now I’m not only alone, but I’m also lonely as well.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt about the ship sinking. It was absurd because the men drunk too much and their bellies got so bloated, it made the ship sink. But that wasn’t the frightening part. As I tried to swim for safety, my arms already hurting, I started hearing voices. Not just two, must have been a hundred of them. All of them whispering to me, but I couldn’t understand what they were trying to tell me. I kept swimming and swimming, far behind I saw hills. The voices didn’t stop. It felt like they were entering me, taking over every part of my body. My head felt like it was about to explode into a million pieces. They got louder and louder until I couldn’t take it anymore. I stopped swimming, letting myself sink. The water engulfed my whole body, entering my mouth and filling my lungs. The voices got quieter and quieter until there was only one left, loud and clear, telling me to “wake up”.

That’s when I opened my eyes, sweat dripping from my forehead and my breath uncontrollably fast. I never had a dream like that. I never woke up so disorientated. I wanted to tell someone about this dream, have someone explain to me what the meaning behind it is. I wanted to know if I’m really losing my mind.

August 27th, 1878

Day 50 on sea

I am losing my mind.

This can’t be real. I am writing this down to make sure I am wide awake and not dreaming.

I woke up from a noise. At first, I thought I was imagining it, because lately I’ve been imagining a lot of things. I wanted to go back to sleep, being exhausted from, well, doing absolutely nothing all day long, but then I heard it again.

It wasn’t just a noise. It was a melody, a very beautiful one. It sounded like the gateway to heaven, like it was sung by angels. And it made me feel drowsy.

I knew I needed to rest more, but something about this melody pulled me in. It made me forget the throbbing pain in my body and the events that happened days before. All it made me want to do was reach it, engrave it into my skin. It made me want to never hear anything else.

I was in a trance, no thoughts inside my head anymore.

So, I got up, walked out onto the deck of the ship to find out where this melody comes from. But when I reached the deck, I didn’t expect to see a boy sitting on the railing.

But it wasn’t an ordinary boy. Oh, no. Not like the ones I’ve seen in my town growing up. I can’t describe him in any other way than captivating. His jet-black hair softly swayed in the night wind, covering his eyes every few seconds. His cheeks adopted a soft rosy color from the coldness, contrasting the tan of his skin. And his eyes were almost as dark as the night sky.

I don’t know why I stared at him for such a long time, and I don’t know why he let me.

“You’re here.” Those were his first words. The first time I heard his voice. A voice that made time stop for a moment. I couldn’t hear the waves crashing against each other anymore, or the cracking of the old wood the ship was built with. I couldn’t even hear my heartbeat pumping against my chest. All I could hear was him. “I was waiting for you.��

“Who are you?” That was not what I wanted to ask him at that moment, but the sane part of my brain must have sensed that something wasn’t right. Something about the way my body reacted to this strange man was dubious.

“Haechan.”, he spoke with a soft voice, turning his body so that he fully faced me. A smirk was placed on his lips, only intensifying his tantalizing physique. “And you are?”

“Y/n.” My name came out in a mere whisper, fearing that my voice might have broken if I spoke any louder. I couldn’t stop staring at him, still having been sure that my mind was playing a trick on me or, well, still is.

For days no one has checked in on me, no one has talked to me more than five words. I’ve been on this ship for way too long seeing nothing but the endless nothingness of the sea. My mind has been plagued with recuring thoughts, never once having a quiet moment. Maybe this is the final sign. Maybe this is it. I am insane. So insane that I’m imagining a boy sitting on the rail of the ship just so that I have someone to talk to.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” Reaching one hand out, the boy signaled me to come closer to him. Every part of my body longed to take his hand and sit on the rail with him, but doubts started floating my brain.

“What are you doing here? How did you get on this ship?” Haechan, as I learned his name, just chuckled, a low sound that was so different from his honey voice. He looked amused at my asking, almost like he was making fun of me.

“Why did you come out here, Y/n?” I remember frowning at him, clearly feeling upset that he chose to ignore my question and ask one of his own. I felt upset that this boy, which I probably made up in my mind, didn’t show any respect for me at all. He, just like the others, ignores what I have to say, and I didn’t want to get treated that way, not after what happened last time.

So, instead of answering him, I turned around, heading back to my bed. But before I could even take a step, the melody I heard earlier started again. All the thoughts that I had in my mind at that moment flew away and I was, yet again, caught in a trance. It was like I couldn’t escape, even if I wanted to.

“It’s you.”, I whispered, but he still heard me. I knew that because the melody got louder, clearer. I closed my eyes, letting his voice enter every part of my body. I let it fill me up and shut me down at the same time. I let it rearrange my mind and mend my wounds, but I also let it cut me open and bleed me dry. I gave myself into the sweet penetration of his honey laced voice and wanted nothing more than to make all his wishes and desires come true. I would have given him the world if it was possible. My whole body felt like it was floating on top of a cloud, high up in the sky and there was no way of ever coming down again. I was trapped.

“Come closer.”, he murmured, voice deeper and almost impending.

“No.”, I quivered, suddenly scared of ever opening my eyes again.

“Please, Y/n.”, he pleaded, and I could nearly hear the desperation in his voice. “Just please look at me.” And so, I did. He was not sitting on the rail anymore, he was standing right in front of me. A small smile on his lips and one hand stretched out to me. “Come closer please. I don’t want anything else from you.”

And as I was about to take the step towards him, give in to his demand and the growing need inside of me to grant all his wishes, I heard a voice behind me, calling out my name and breaking the trance I was in.

“Y/n?”

Turning around, I saw my brother standing further away from me, dressed in his nightly gown. “What are you doing out of your bed? You should rest, your body isn’t fully healed yet.”

“I was just talking to…” But when I looked for Haechan again, no one was standing there anymore. It was like I was alone all along. “I don’t know what I was doing.”

Suddenly I felt all the pain rush back into my body, my bones burning with fire, and I let out a loud groan as I fell to my knees.

“Y/n.” My brother rushed towards me, helping me up with his arms around me. “For someone who always seems so smart, you really aren’t the brightest.” I couldn’t even laugh at his words, my mind was too focused on the pain all over my body.

“You must have been sleep walking if you can’t remember what you were doing up there.” My brother said as he laid me back down into my bed and reached into a bucket of water to put a wet rag on my forehead. “Sleep now, okay? I will stop by in the morning again and check on you.” All I could do was nod my head at him, exhaustion consuming my body. He looked at me one last time before he left my room again.

And now I’m sitting here, writing in my foolish dairy and reminiscing about the strange boy I met. I must have imagined him. How could anyone come up onto the ship? I didn’t see another boat, nor did any other member of the crew. And the possibility of someone appearing out of the blue is also not likely.

The only possibility that is left is that I am losing my mind. That I imagined all of it out of pure loneliness and frustration. This expedition should have been educational for me. It should have proven to all the men that I, as a woman, can do what they can do. That I can be an explorer, a brave one even, and that I have the ability to find something new. That is why we started this journey, because we wanted to discover unknown things.

But all I am doing now is proving everyone exactly what they think of me, that I am small and weak. That I am not an explorer and that I should have just stayed at home. That I am not brave and definitely not smart. I proved to them that I am fragile and well, mental.

But no one has to know about it. No one has to know what happens in my head or the things I imagine. No one has to know I am practically insane and desperate. I could just simply fake it. Isn’t that what everyone does? Faking confidence.

Maybe if I fake it long enough and convince everyone that what they are saying and thinking about me is wrong, I might convince myself as well. Maybe I can convince my brain I’m fine while pretending to be.

So, from now on, everything’s okay. I am not insane, and I certainly am not imagining weird things.

I am okay.

Everything is okay.

August 29th, 1987

Day 52 on sea

Everything is not okay.

Yesterday the boy didn’t show up again. I wasn’t exactly looking for him, since my father spent most of the night in my room making sure I wouldn’t ‘sleep-walk’ again, but I can’t lie and say I wasn’t disappointed not to hear his beautiful melody again.

I asked my dad if there is a word for the feeling of craving for someone, for feeling like the person took a part of you with them when they left and you long to be reunited with them. When all your thoughts are consumed with them, and your body is itching to be in the mere presence of that person. But also fearing the actual return of that person and the power they hold over you and your emotions. He told me it is called “withdrawal”.

“It is mostly referred to drugs such as alcohol.”, he explained to me as he tried to brush out the knots in my hair. “But I think it can be applied to humans as well. You know, sometimes we long for people we can’t have or people that aren’t good for us. We see the signs, but we ignore them. We give in to the sweet yearning and get hurt in the process. But if we don’t give in and the yearning grows stronger, we crave it even more. We think about the person every day, imagine their scent, their eyes, their voice. We imagine them being in a room with us, talking and laughing with us. We do the things that are most painful to us just to have what we long for, even if we know it’s not good for us. And it hurts, physically and emotionally.”

I turned around to look at him, inspect his face and read what he was feeling when he said those things. “It sounds like you have experience with that feeling.” My father just shrugged and at that moment he looked older. He looked like an old man who has been through too much in his life. A man who deserves a break.

“I’ve been around much longer than you, dear. There were mistakes made and hearts torn, but it all worked out at the end.”

“How?”, I ask, curious as to how such a sad feeling still turned into something good.

“Because I got you, and your brother. That’s my happy ending.” I wanted to cry. I wanted to storm into his arms and never let him go. But I didn’t do any of those things. I just smiled at him, nodded my head and hoped that was enough for him. Because while his words filled my heart to the brim with love, my body still ached, not from the pain but for the boy I only met once in my life.

That’s why I tried to ignore the melody a few hours ago when it started again. Father went back to his bed a few minutes before, wanting to get some well-deserved sleep, leaving me alone in my room. I, as well, wanted to get some rest, but then I heard it. It was loud and clear, and more beautiful than I had remembered it to be. Almost immediately I felt my whole mind switch, forgetting the conversation I had had with my father. All that was in my head was him, Haechan.

I wanted to see him, no, I needed to see him. I felt lost without him, so empty and incomplete. I felt like my world wasn’t spinning correctly, time was going backwards, and the stars were falling out of the sky. Nothing felt right anymore. Not until I was with him.

I reached my door, but before I could open it something woke me up. Not from a dream, but from a trance. A smell, a very familiar one. It took up all my senses and brought me back to reality.

I realized what I was about to do and quickly sat back down on my bed, not daring to even set a foot on the floor anymore. It was frightening, what I felt just then. The longing I felt, just from one simple melody. I don’t know this boy, why would I feel so strongly about him? Why does he have so much power over my emotions?

His melody got louder. For a moment my head felt like it was exploding. He sounded sad, sorrowful. It broke my heart into pieces hearing him so vulnerable, longing for me the same way I was longing for him. But I didn’t give in. A part of me, I don’t know which one, knew it was wrong to see him again. So, I stayed on my bed, legs tightly pressed against my chest and my hands on my ears, trying to cover his despairing voice.

10 minutes ago, it stopped. It just went away, like it was never there in the first place. Curiosity almost got the best of me and wanted to check if he really left, but I was too scared, I still am.

I don’t know what he is doing to be, why he is here and why he is targeting me. But I know that whatever he is doing, it can’t be with good intentions. A person that makes another person feel such outrageous things, can’t be here for anything good.

Maybe it shouldn’t matter so much. Because, after all, I made him up. He isn’t real so whatever he is doing isn’t going to hurt me. I think my mind is reflecting this pain on me to make sense of why it’s slowly decapitating. It’s trying to distract me from the actual damage in my brain.

At least that is the only logical answer to all of this. Because anything other would be, well, crazy and I’m not crazy. I might lose my mind, but I am not crazy.

August 30th, 1878

Day 53 on sea

Maybe I am a bit crazy, and reckless, and irresponsible and plain stupid.

“You left me standing here for a long time yesterday. I missed you, darling.” But I couldn’t help myself but visibly relaxing as I heard his voice again.

It was all I could think about all day long. Him and his melody. I wanted to feel it again. Feel it in my veins, feel it shutting out all the thoughts in my head. I just wanted this bothering craving to go away. I think it got so bad that even Jisung, someone who barely talks to me, noticed it.

“Are you okay? Don’t you like the food?”, he asked as he watched me stare at the food in front of me.

“Oh, sorry. It’s not the food, don’t worry. I just didn’t get much sleep last night.” I gave him a little smile, grabbing a fork and shoving some food in my mouth.

“Is there a reason behind it? I hope it wasn’t me.” Jisung looked a bit guilty as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I spent the whole night cooking because I also couldn’t sleep. I hope I wasn’t too loud and kept you awake.”

“Oh, so that was what I smelled yesterday.” Internally, I couldn’t help but to be grateful for the boy sitting in front of me. After all, was he the reason why I didn’t give in to see Haechan. But I couldn’t tell him that. I was already glad someone decided to speak to me, I didn’t want to ruin it by my insanity. “But no, that was not what kept me up. I mean I smelled it, but I just had too much going on inside my mind to rest.”

The boy just nodded his head, shoving a fork full of food in his mouth. “Care to share some of your thoughts?”, he says with his mouth still full of food. He looked like a child in that moment, with his eyes wide and his mouth dirty with crumps.

“Just thinking a lot more about my mother lately.”, I told him, only half lying. Mother has been on my mind a lot lately, but that obviously wasn’t the reason why I couldn’t sleep. “I miss her. I mean I always miss her, but being so far away from home just makes me miss her more. You know, I see her everywhere. In the books I read, the words I write. I see her in the ocean, feel her in the air and smell her in every scent. It’s bizarre.”

“No, it’s not.”, Jisung disagreed, putting his fork down and propping his elbow up on the table to lean his face on his hand. “I miss my mother too. I mean, she isn’t dead, but her and my father are no longer together. She left with my sister, my father kept me, and I haven’t seen her in three years. I miss her too sometimes. But I think I miss the things she did for me more than I miss her. When I was a child, I always had trouble falling asleep so she would always tell me a bedtime story. I think that is why some nights I can’t seem to fall asleep.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Jisung. Next time you have trouble sleeping just get me. I can also tell you bedtime stories.”

He nodded yet again, showing me another one of his smiles. “Thank you, Y/n. And you know what? I think you are really brave. I wanted to say that to you earlier, but I never had the guts to actually do. I think that we can all be grateful that someone like you joined this expedition. We really need more smart crewmates on this ship.”

But I don’t think I am that smart anymore. I don’t think I even deserve to be called smart anymore. Because every single thing about the decisions I make is anything other than smart. And as I looked into the deep brown eyes of the boy in front of me, that only got confirmed.

“No answer? No ‘I missed you too’?” His voice had an alluring tone, soothing all the wounds inside me and doing things to my body I am too embarrassed to admit. “What a shame, sweet girl. I was pretty sure I could sense your longing for me yesterday. Maybe I was wrong.”

I didn’t know what to answer. And I honestly am glad I didn’t, positive that my voice would have come out in nothing but a pathetic whisper. Haechan was walking closer to me again, reaching his hand out again to hover over the skin of my arm but never touching me.

“Can you feel that?”, he whispers, eyes never leaving mine. “Can you feel the goosebumps slowly forming on your skin, the shiver down your spin?” He waited for me to answer him, but all I could do was nod. “Words, sweetheart.”

“Yes.” I answered him, voice cracking with that one simple word. “Yes, I can feel that.”

“Good. That is exactly what I want you to feel.” He took a few steps back again, so he was leaning against the railing. “Why did you decide to come here tonight? Couldn’t get enough of me?”

I just shrugged my shoulders, not really knowing myself what the actual reason behind me coming to see him again was. “Why do you keep calling for me?”

“Calling for you? How exactly am I calling for you?” Cocking his head to the side, still wearing a smirk on his lips. But I don’t want to get too detailed about his face, still feeling a bit embarrassed of the things I felt in that moment.

“The melody your singing, it’s for me. You are calling me with your melody.” A chuckle left his lips, melodic like his voice.

“How can you be so sure of that? What if I just like to sing pretty melodies?” His question sounded so innocent and for a moment I was uncertain about my statement, fearing I might have misinterpreted everything. But I knew what I was feeling. I knew that his melody was meant to be for me and no one else. I know it might sound crazy, but the thought of him singing this melody, my melody, for someone else felt unsettling.

“Because if you sung it for someone else, they would stand here instead of me. No one else is responding to your melody, only me, so it must be for me.” For a few seconds there was nothing but silence around us. Haechan wasn’t saying a thing, seeming like he was thinking about his next words. And I didn’t say anything, fearing that if I might, he would disappear again.

“You’re right.”, he finally spoke up. “It is for you.”

“But why? Why do you sing this melody for me?”

“Because I wanted to meet you, Y/n. From the moment I first saw you, I knew I got to have you. I got to be with you. I craved nothing more than to talk to you, to simply be blessed to be in the mere presence of you. I am longing for you, the same way you are longing for me, my love.” I couldn’t believe what he was saying to me. His words filled up my heart, and I started feeling lightheaded.

He was craving for me. He wanted to meet me. Everything that I am feeling towards him, as strange as those emotions are, he is feeling for me as well. His words were the most beautiful, heart wrenching thing I have ever heard in my inter life. I felt lucky to be seen this way, to be wanted this way, never actually having had someone tell me that before.

He really went all this way, just to meet me. Singing this melody, coming up this ship. But isn’t it a bit strange as well? I remembered not seeing another ship anywhere nearby. Where did he come from? How did he see me? Questions started filling my mind again, shaking me awake.

“What did you mean when you said you wanted to meet me from the first time you saw me? When did you see me?” I could see his body tensing up. Maybe he wasn’t expecting such a question.

“I can answer your question, but first you have to come with me. Please, Y/n. I will tell you everything, just please come with me. I don’t want to be apart from you anymore.”

“Haechan.” I looked at his hand, which was reaching for me again, motioning me to take it in mind. “Where do you want to take me? I mean there is no other ship anywhere near.”

“Y/n, just trust me, okay? Come with me and I will make the thoughts in your head disappear. I will make everything heal for you.” His hands hovered over my arms again, almost as if he couldn’t touch me. I wanted him to. I wanted him to touch me so badly. But I could see that something in his eyes had changed. They were darker, more desperate and demanding, and I knew it was my time to leave.

“I can’t.”, I told him, taking a few steps back. “I have to get up early tomorrow.” And with that I left, not once looking back as I walked back into my room.

I don’t know if what I did was right, or if I upset him with my behavior.

All I hope for is that he isn’t mad at me and will forgive me when he comes back. If he comes back.

August 31st, 1878

Day 54 on sea

He did in fact come back.

“Missed me?” There was something more gentle in the way he was talking to me today. Something more reserved.

“What if I did?” That made him smile, not smirk like he normally does. Haechan showed me a bright honest smile. And all I could think about was that he never looked more ethereal than in that moment.

“Then I will be highly pleased, my love. You know why?” I shook my head as a no, waiting for him to continue his sentence. “Because I missed you too?”

“You did?”

“Of course, I did. You were all I could think about all day long, pretty girl.” He stayed a bit further away from me too today and I wondered why. I asked myself if he didn’t want to be close to me again or if he felt rejected after what happened yesterday. “I couldn’t stop thinking about your sweet smile, your beautiful eyes and your lovely voice. I couldn’t wait to see you again.”

“Why don’t you touch me?”, I said out of the blue, catching not only myself, but him off guard as well. “You never touch me. You only hover your hands above my skin. Why?”

He smiled again, sweet and kind. “Because if I touch you once, I will never be able to stop again.”

“What if I don’t want you to stop?” He only shook his head, turning around to face the stars instead of me. But I didn’t want him to look away, I wanted him to look at me, because when he does look at me, I can feel again.

“I am sorry about yesterday, you know? I am sorry I was too intrusive, I let myself get caught up in my emotions.” I had to process his words, that being the last thing I thought would come out of his mouth. Never once had a men apologized to me for anything. I am so used to getting treated like nothing and it being normal in a society like the one I grew up with. Never once has anyone cared so much about me to consider my emotions and apologize for a mistake.

“Thank you.”, I just whispered, trying to swallow the tears. “That means a lot to me.” I decided to join him at the rail, watch the stars with him for a little while.

“Do you know that I think you are not real? I think I am imagining you, because for the past weeks I have been slowly losing my mind. Seeing the same things every day, not talking to anyone and having to deal with all those thoughts in my head. I think I started imagining you so I could just stop time for a while.”

“But I am real.”, he said, looking deep into my eyes. “I am real. You are not insane, and you are definitely not imagining me. I can prove that to you. Just take my hand and you will see.”

“Why does that feel like a trap?”, I asked him, watching his face, trying to read his emotions. But it stayed the same. His smile didn’t butch for a second and his eyes still held the same gentleness.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, Y/n. There is no trap. I am just offering you evidence to your lingering questions about your own sanity. I am just trying to be nice to you, but if you don’t appreciate that.”

“No, no I do. I am grateful for your kindness. You just sounded so demanding, and it made me doubtful.”

“I am so sorry, my sweet girl. It was never my intention to make you doubt me. That will never happen again, okay? All I want is the best for you. Nothing more.” I just nodded, eyes facing the wooden floor of the ship. “I am going to tell you the story of why I so desperately wanted to talk to you, since I didn’t yesterday. Maybe that will cheer you up a bit again.”

“I wanted to talk to you because I was mesmerized by you. Because there are not a lot of people out there like you. People so willing to learn and to explore. I never met a woman like you, someone so strong minded and independent. I loved how you never let anyone talk bad to you and I love how despite the negative things the men on this ship say about you, you still stay here. You prove to them every day that you are capable of being on such an expedition and that you are more qualified than they could ever be. And I just knew I had to talk to you, I had to have you in my life.”

And it was like he knew what I needed to hear. Like he knew my deepest darkest thoughts and all the things I was craving to ever be told by someone. It was like he spoke right into my soul and built up this newfound strength. I felt empowered, I felt loved. But yet again, I was also wondering how he could know all those things about me.

“Why do you know all that, Haechan?”

“I told you already, Y/n. I was longing for you.” It didn’t make sense. His answer didn’t make any sense. Was he avoiding my question? Or maybe he understood the question wrong, thinking this was an answer that would satisfy me. But it didn’t.

“That doesn’t answer my question. How can you possibly know about all those? We just met.”

I could hear a sigh leaving his lips, the long and frustrated kind. I am familiar with those, having heard them a thousand times from my father and brother. And I asked myself if I, yet again, upset him with my question. If I should have just kept quiet and appreciated his kind words and moved on from the topic.

“And yet again you don’t appreciate my kindness. All I do is be nice to you, proving to you that I am real and trustworthy, and you still doubt me. Don’t you know how much that hurts me? Do you?” His voice rose visibly, nostrils flaring and eyes growing wider. Haechan wasn’t looking like himself at that moment. He almost looked inhumane.

“I am sorry, Haechan. Please don’t say that. I do trust you. Please, I’m sorry.”, I started begging him, reaching for his hand, which he pulled away. “Please.” Tears filled my eyes and my whole body started hurting again, like it was slowly breaking apart from the inside out.

“You hurt me, Y/n. I don’t think your apology can fix this.”

And this time it was him walking away, disappearing into the darkness, and leaving me standing at the same spot, mourning for him like I had just lost a person to death.

September 1st, 1878

Day 55 on sea

I could see the surprise on his face when he saw me standing there, waiting for him this time, not needing his melody to be called. But the look of surprise quickly faded away and a smirk replaced it instead.

“I see you don’t even need my melody anymore.” It almost sounded cocky the way he said it.

“I wanted to be here first so I could apologize to you.”, I spoke the words with so much sincerity, wanting him to believe me and see that I genuinely mean the apology. “I am really sorry for hurting your feelings yesterday. It was never my intention. All I want to do is make you happy, Haechan, and I am so sorry that I failed to do so.”

He looked at me for a few seconds, brows raised, before he shrugged his shoulders. “What will you do if I don’t accept your apology?”

I didn’t hesitate when I spoke my next words. “I will beg for your forgiveness. I will beg until you accept my apology. I will do anything you want me to.”

“Anything I want you to?”, he asked, and I just nodded my head at him, desperation fulling my actions and probably written all over my face. “I will hold onto that one.”

“Does that mean you forgive me?” Haechan shrugged again, taking a few steps forward into my direction. Looking at him in that moment, I didn’t think he looked hurt. Normally people have this look on their face when their feelings got hurt, quivering lips, wide and sad eyes, body folding in on itself. But Haechans eyes were almost narrowed, and he was towering over me, almost like he was looking down at me. My father once told me people do that to prove their dominance over the other person, but I don’t think that was what Haechan wanted to do in that moment. Or was it?

Maybe Haechan is just like my brother, a person who has to hide their true feelings behind a stone-cold face to demonstrate strength. Or maybe he just didn’t want me to see him hurt by me to make me feel less guilty. Because I was and still am feeling bad for making him feel that way yesterday. I still regret my words and wish I would have just shut my mouth. I should do that more often, shutting my mouth in some situations. It would have saved me from a lot of things.

“I’m still thinking about it. Maybe I will tell you my answer at the end of the night.” That gave me some hope. Even though he didn’t yet accept my apology, he still wanted to spend time with me and that was more than enough for me.

“I saw you talking to that Jisung guy again today.” Haechan was still towering over me, hands in the pockets of his pants and eyes narrowing in on my face. “What is so intriguing about him that you talk so much to him?”

“Did you watch me?”, I asked him, shock lacing my voice. Jisung and I only talked in the kitchen today. I was hungry since I overslept in the morning and didn’t have breakfast. When I walked into the kitchen to grab myself something, Jisung was standing there, preparing the fish for dinner. We spent some time together, me eating my food and him cooking more. There wasn’t a lot of conversation, we just basked in the presence of each other.

“I asked you a question first.”, Haechan voice got lower again. I could only describe it as sinister. There was an undertone in that one small sentence, something that told me I should not say the wrong thing. So, I took a moment to gather my thoughts, fight through the mess in my head and find an answer that will satisfy him.

“He isn’t interesting to me.”, I tell him, keeping my voice clear and loud. “He is just the only person that talks to me when you aren’t here. There is nothing more to it.”

“It didn’t look like that earlier, sweetheart. I thought the two of you looked very cozy in that kitchen, sneaking glances at each other.” He let out a sound similar to a ‘tsk’ and shook his head in a mocking manner. “Am I not enough for you anymore? Do you go around and search for other men when I’m not around? Are you so desperate and needy for attention?”

“No.”, I whispered, feeling even the small last bit of confidence leaving my body. Haechan has a way of making me feel weaker and weaker, draining every last thought out of my head and making my body his. “No, Haechan.”

I felt my legs give him, sinking to my knees. My body felt so heavy but at the same time so light. Haechan kneeled down in front of me, lowering his head so he was looking right into my eyes. “You can’t talk to other men, Y/n. You are mine only, do you understand?” All I could do was nod my head at him, but that didn’t satisfy him. “You belong to me, right, my sweet girl? I need you to say it.”

“I belong to you.”, I mumbled, not having the strength to fully open my mouth.

“That is right. You belong to me, your body belongs to me and even your mind belongs to me. You are all mine, pretty princess.” He took up all my senses. I could only see him, smell him, hear him, feel him everywhere. Like only he excited in this world and no one else.

Haechan leaned forward, his lips brushing the skin of my ear. I could feel his warm breath on my skin, and it sent shivers down my back. “Now come with me, darling. Take my hand and come with me. I will make sure you remember me forever.”

I reached for his hand, fingers brushing against each other, but before I could close them around his, a bright light shined a bit further away from us. Everything happened so fast after that. I heard footsteps, a voice and suddenly I felt empty. Haechan was no longer kneeling in front of me and right as I wanted to look for him, my body gave in, and I fainted onto the cold wooden floor.

I don’t know how I got into my bed, and I don’t know who brought me into my bed. All I know is that the moment I woke up again I craved Haechan even more than I did before and I know that the next time he asks me to come with him, I will do so, without any hesitation.

September 2nd, 1878

Day 56 on sea

Everything changed today. Everything I thought I knew, everything I thought I felt. A lie.

I can’t stop crying. My tears are flowing like an endless waterfall. I’m a mess, a disaster. How could I let this all happen? I thought I was smarter than this. I thought I was stronger than this. But I was blinded. I was corrupted, manipulated, used.

I feel dirty, like I haven’t washed in weeks. But I just did. I spent a long time trying to scrub away the dirt I felt, trying to scrub away the shame I felt. I put everyone, especially me, in danger with my reckless behavior, with my blindness, with my incompetence. I am a failure.

I spent the whole day ignoring everyone around me, not even looking at anyone that passed me by. I wanted to desperately prove to Haechan that I only want him and no one else, that everyone on this ship doesn’t matter to me. All that matters is him. I was hoping he was watching me again, being proud of me.

But unfortunately, there was one person I couldn’t avoid even if I tried to.

“You wanted to speak to me, father.”, I said as I entered my father’s office room. I have never been in that room, not once over all these weeks. The room was scattered in books, empty bottles and maps of the sea. I always imagined the room to be neater, at least that was what my father always seemed to be. But my mother told me once that your room reflects the mental state you were in. Maybe my father was also struggling with his sanity.

“Yes.”, he answered me, looking up from his book. “I wanted to see how you are feeling, after your little incident yesterday.”

“I’m feeling fine, father. Must have been me sleep walking again. There is nothing to worry about.”

He just hummed, his face showing the uncertainty he felt because of my words. My father mustered me for a few seconds, waiting for even a little muscle to twitch in my face to show him if I was lying. But I kept a straight face, looking him right into the eyes. “I am thrilled to hear that. And we will find a way to fix your nightly problem.”

Father went back to reading in his book, and even though I knew I shouldn’t, the curious part of me wondered what he was so engrossed in. I always loved the books my father reads, knowing that they are filled with new knowledge. “What are you reading?”

He held up the book, showing me the cover. “Knowledge about the mysteries of the ocean.”, I read out loud, furrowing my eyebrows at the title. What an odd book, I have never heard about that. “What mysteries are listed in the book?”

“Oh, just some fisher men tales. Mermaids, kraken, leviathan, sirens. All those tales which warn everyone on ships about the dangers of the sea.”

“Sirens? I have never heard of them. What are they?” My father turned his book around, showing me the page, he was just reading. On it was a drawn picture of what looked to be a half bird, half fish creature. My stomach started to turn, the longer I looked at it, frightened by its appearance.

“This book says that sirens are mythical creatures, half bird, half fish. Through their angelic singing they lure in fishermen to kill them. It is said that their voice lures them in, but their face is what makes the fishermen stay.”

“Their face?”, I asked, not believing that for a second.

“They put you in a trance with their voice and make you see whoever you most desire. They are insidious, malicious creatures, feared by everyone who ever entered the ocean. They are dangerous, Y/n.” He looked me in the eyes, as if he knew something I didn’t. As if he wanted to tell me more with the last sentence.

“Do you really believe they exist? To me that just sounds like fishermen making up excuses as to why they didn’t bring any fish home.”

My father let out a long sigh, head shaking. He turned the book back to him and stared at the picture for a few more seconds, before closing the book again. “You could be right, Y/n. I mean you have always been the realistic one in this family. But as long as there is no proof that they don’t exist, I will have to believe those tales. It’s better to believe and find out they don’t exist, than to not believe and find out they do exist.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about his words after I left his office. They kept spinning around my head, swirling and clashing against other thoughts. And they were connecting. My thoughts were connecting together, and suddenly there was only one thought left. One person in my mind, and not for the reasons he had been in my mind for the past few days.

But I didn’t want to admit that. Not even to myself. It couldn’t be. It wasn’t true. Those useless tales were nothing but fiction, made up stories to save the fishermen from embarrassment and disappointment. Nothing more and nothing less.

Because I knew Haechan. I knew he wasn’t capable of something like that. He wasn’t a creature designed to prey on innocent people. Or was he?

I couldn’t help but smile as I heard the familiar melody, as I felt it sink deep under my skin and erase everything inside of me. I loved the pain it inflicted on my heart, the way the melody ripped me apart into a million pieces. I loved how for the first few seconds everything stopped being important to me. Breathing, feeling, living. Nothing felt important for a few seconds. Nothing but him.

Haechan leant against the rail of the ship, hands in his trousers and a smirk on his lips. It almost felt like a déjà-vu. I remembered how I felt when I first saw him. Feelings that were once so innocent and unfamiliar are now unconditional and fierce. “My pretty girl.”, he whispered, and I felt the weight on my shoulders lift. “Are you ready?”

“Ready for what?”, I asked, taking a few steps closer to him. I was craving his closeness, his touch. I needed him to touch me, anywhere. I didn’t mind where.

“Ready to come with me.” My head was clouded, brainwashed by his beautiful voice. But wasn’t that exactly what my father told me, what he warned me about. “I can see your doubt in me, sweetheart. What is it that is plaguing your beautiful mind?”

“Do you plan on killing me?” I don’t know why I asked him that question. I don’t know how I got the strength to break out of the haze, even just a little bit.

“Killing you? Why would I kill you?” His eyes darkened and I could see his body language changing. I could see all of him changing. Haechan let out a chuckle before walking into my direction, stopping when he was right behind me. Brushing my hair back, never once touching me, as he leant down to whisper into my ear.

“I really wanted to kill you at first, my sweet girl. I wanted nothing else but to rip you apart.” My body shut down, letting me fall weakly to my knees just like the day before. I couldn’t keep my eyes open for more than five seconds. Haechan kneeled down in front of me, yet again and placed his hand on my cheek. Finally, I could feel him. I could feel the one thing I craved most, his touch. But it didn’t feel how I imagined it to. Instead of lifting me up and making me basked in comfort, it made me flinch. His touch made me want to never see the light of day ever again. “But how could I kill such a beautiful thing? You are my precious girl, aren’t you? So sweet and special.”

I wanted to run, get away from him. I wanted to do anything but to stay with him, but my body didn’t let me. My body stayed down on the ground, heavy and useless. “Does it hurt, love? Does my touch and my words hurt you?” He didn’t need an answer because he knew. He knew how every bone in my body felt like it was on fire as soon as he muttered those words. He knew all I wanted was to make this growing pain stop. “Just come with me. I will make the pain stop.”

When I looked up at him, I saw only a glimpse of him. His skin was pale blue, scales all over it, and his teeth were sharp and long. This wasn’t the boy I met a few nights ago, the boy who made me feel like I was floating on the clouds and the boy who gave me a reason to live. This was a creature, a monster. A siren.

“Go away.”, I croaked out with the last strength I had left in my body.

“Oh no, you poor thing. Don’t be like that.” Not even his voice sounded like the sweet melody I once heard. It didn’t give me sweet pleasure anymore, it only gave me pain. “You love me, or have you forgotten? Have you forgotten all the feelings I inflicted on you? Have you forgotten how good you felt when you were with me? I can make that come back. You just have to come with me.”

“Go to hell.” I didn’t know that this simple sentence could mean the end of my life because the next thing I felt was a sharpness going through my body. And I knew this would be it. This would be the last few seconds before I was gone.

“Y/n!”, I heard someone shout, loud and piercing. I opened my eyes, only to have my vision be blurry. I tried to move, look who that voice belonged to and if I was imagining it again. “Go away and never come back, or I will have you killed and each and everyone of you creatures on this planet.”

I took a hurtful breath and it felt as if my lungs were filled with broken pieces of glass. My eyes tried to stay open, but I didn’t have the strength. “No, Y/n. Stay awake. Please don’t leave me.”

Whiteness surrounded me, filling me up and taking me in. Silence. I heard nothing more than silence. I tried looking around, kicking and fighting as I was trapped in nothing but endless vastness. Far away from me I could see something, or someone waiting for me. I tried to walk towards it, reaching my arms out to grab it, but I never came close.

“It’s not your time yet, Y/n.” And before I could question those words, my eyes opened.

It took me a few seconds to regain my vision, seeing the familiar walls of my room. As I remembered just what had happened, I felt panic filling my body, my breaths coming out faster than normal and my mind spiraling in wild circles.

“It’s okay, Y/n.”, I heard the voice of my father first before I felt his arms around my body, pulling me tightly into him. “Your safe. Nothing can hurt you anymore.”

I looked up at him with wide eyes and my mouth agape. I felt like a little kid again, crying in the arms of my father after having a bad dream. Just that this wasn’t a dream. This is reality.

“It’s okay. We are on our way back home. That creature will never find you again, we made sure of that, okay?” My father held me with so much delicacy, fearing he might break me. “You’re safe. I won’t let anyone, or anything hurt you again.”

And I believed him. There in the arms of my father I believed his words. So, I closed my eyes, let the sleep consume me and hoped that this promise would be one he could keep.

September 10th, 1878

Day 64 on sea

I let the salt air take away all the scars of the past weeks as I watched the soft waves flow under the setting sun. This was the first time in eight days that I had the courage to leave my room. I couldn’t face the place where everything happened. The place where I almost lost myself.

I closed my eyes and imagined the soft grass under my toes, the chirping birds in my ear and the blinding sunlight in my eyes. I imagined biting into a sweet apple, feeling the fresh morning air on my skin and smiling at the veracity of the moment.

“Daydreaming again?”, I heard a voice in front of me, making an actual smile appear on my lips. A smile I haven’t let myself show in a long time.

“What brings you out here? Shouldn’t you be in your bed, sleeping like everyone else is?” Jisung just shrugged his shoulders, his hair softly swaying in the wind.

He showed me a sweet smile, sitting down beside me and taking one of my hands in his. “I am not going to ask you how are doing, since everyone else does that every day.” I nodded at him, grateful for not hearing the repeating question out of his mouth as well. “But I am going to ask you if you still feel the withdrawal, you told me about.”

My eyes filled with tears again and I tried my best to swallow them down. “Yes.”, I mumbled, looking down, too ashamed to let him see me this way. To let him see me so weak and pathetic. “Yes, I still feel it, every day. I long for him, and I know it isn’t right. He isn’t who he showed me to be. I know I was blinded by a trance. I was blinded by need. I know what I am feeling isn’t right and that he wasn’t right. But for a few seconds, for a few seconds every day, it felt real. For a few seconds every day I could just be. I could be me. I could forget the pain and my thoughts, and I could breathe.”

Jisung just nodded his head, not letting go of my hand, but he didn’t say a word. I appreciated that. I appreciated the quietness of him. Because as opposed to the others, he didn’t lecture me on my feelings. He didn’t tell me how it is wrong to feel the way I do and how I should have seen all this coming. He didn’t try to tell me how to move past this, or how to continue living my life. Jisung just stayed silent.

“Why are you awake?”, I asked him after a few moments, breaking the silence he gifted me.

“I couldn’t sleep. And the last time I told you about my sleeping problems, you told me you could tell me a story, like my mother did. A bedtime story to make me fall asleep.” I let the tears that still lingered in my eyes roll down my cold cheeks, as I nodded my head. “Will you tell me one?”

“Yes. Yes, of course. I will tell you any story you want.”

And so, I did.

I told everyone my story.

Bonus

“What took you so long?”

Haechan swam into the cave, brushing past everyone that was looking at him with expecting eyes. He ignored them all and just kept swimming.

“Answer my question.”, Jeno spoke louder this time, but Haechan just kept swimming. He didn’t care that everyone was waiting for him, waiting for him to fulfill his promise, to fulfill all the promises he had made for the past weeks.

“We had a fight.”, he told Jeno with a shrug of his shoulders, nonchalant about the other one’s questions. Haechan could see the disappointment and anger in the faces of everyone in the cave, and he couldn’t care less. He knew what he was doing was right. He knew it was necessary to go through all these lengths to get what he wanted, what everyone wanted.

“A fight?”, his friend repeated, skeptic lingering in his voice. “This isn’t a game, Haechan. We put our trust and time in your hands. How long until this plan of yours backfires? How long until they notice that their ship hasn’t been moving in days? How long until they discover us and put an end us?”

“Jeno.”, Haechan’s eyes piercing into the older boy, voice clearly stating a warning. “Have you lost all your trust in me? I know what I am doing.”

“Are you?” Everyone was looking at the two, anticipating the outcome of this long-awaited conversation. “You were the one promising us you were going to get us this girl. You were the one convincing us how much you were craving her and how much we should as well. And we have given you time, but all you do is play around. This isn’t a game, Haechan. This will determine our lives. Without her, we will not survive, and you are very well aware of that.”

“This is where you are wrong, my dear friend.” Haechan turned his body, facing all the sirens watching him. “This is a game, and I am the leader of it. This girl we are talking about is different from everyone we have ever had. This one is special. She isn’t easily fooled by my tricks, by my voice. She has a smart mind, that one.” A wide grin appeared on the siren’s lips, making him almost look crazy, and his eyes narrowed on his friend yet again. “This one will bring us everything we have ever dreamt of. And it will work. The game I am playing, the fight we were having today, it will all work in the end.”

“How can you be so sure of that?” The question lingered in the quiet of the cave, the eyes of everyone looking at Haechan, faith and trust all in his hands.

“Because it is all going according to plan.”, he announced, voice thick with pride and confidence. “It is all going according to my plan.”

#lee haechan #lee haechan imagine #lee haechan imagines #lee haechan angst #lee haechan nct 127 #lee haechan nct dream #lee haechan nct #nct dream imagines #nct dream x y/n #nct dream x reader #nct dream fanfic #nct imagines #nct 127 imagines #lee haechan x reader #haechan imagines #haechan x reader #haechan x y/n #lee haechan x y/n

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 month

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AITA for using a poem I wrote for my ex-girlfriend to apply for a scholarship?

I'm pretty sure that I'm not TA here, we're still on good terms anyway and it's unlikely she'll ever even find out about this unless I outright tell her, but I'd like to know if I'm committing some grievous social faux pas here.

So. I (21F) met my ex-girlfriend, who we'll call Jolene (22F) online a couple years back. The specifics of how we met will make it immediately obvious to anyone who knows either of us that it's me writing the AITA post, so I'm going to leave those out, but we were friends for a while before she asked me out, and it's relevant that we became friends over writing. We hit it off pretty well for a while, to the point where I wrote a poem being incredibly gay for her despite not (then) being much of a poet at all.

And then I went to visit her in person. Y'see, she'd come to visit me in person the previous winter, and that went fine, barring the fact that I ended up being super overwhelmed by the end of the visit—suffice to say that I'm extremely asexual, and she's extremely not. This came to a head when I went to visit her, she constantly wanted to be hanging out and doing things, and I straight up could not handle that much social interaction with anyone for that long. It got to the point where I was straight up dreading being with her, so I took a step back, examined my feelings, and decided yeah, we'd probably be better off as friends or as queerplatonic partners or something nonromantic.

We're still on fairly good terms, I'd say? Though I still feel extremely awkward over the circumstances of said breakup, she can't change how she is and I can't change how I am, and she's really happy with her new girlfriend so. Hell yeah. We love to see it. (There's also the additional complication that I might be something approaching arospec, but. Y'know. Details.)

Fast forward to today, several months after our breakup. I'm applying for scholarships for my university. I happen to be going for an English major and one of the available scholarships involves submitting up to 5 poems of any length. I remember, abruptly, the poem I wrote for her, go looking in our DMs, and—yep, there it is. Still incredibly gay.

Between that and some haikus about wildlife (long story), that brings my count of poems up to four of the five total allowed. I haven't submitted the application yet, but I've only got four days left to, and I absolutely don't have to submit my extremely gay poem alongside the wildlife haikus, I'm looking at the application right now and it says up to 5 poems of any length, presumably implying that I can have anywhere from 1-5 poems in that document.

But... I really want to. I'm not romantically in love with Mabel anymore, and while our personalities don't mesh super well these days, I still care about her a lot and if this is some giant social faux pas I'm unaware of (I'm unaware of a lot of those, I've never gotten formally diagnosed with anything but I highly doubt I'm remotely neurotypical if that's relevant) and it feels kind of like a way of saluting the relationship that was good while it lasted?

Also, and possibly more relevantly to the scholarship thing, it's a halfway decent poem. Nothing award-winning, but I'll never get any scholarships if I don't try for them, y'know? ...And I kind of really need the scholarships, due to reasons best brought up in an entirely different AITA post involving my mom.

So. Uh. Yeah. I know what I'll be doing regardless, no way this gets a solid judgment before it's time to submit, but I do want to know if it's an AH move or not. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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bailey-dreamfoot · 9 months

Text

Bowser and Luigi Incorrect Quotes Because Why Not Honestly

Luigi, handing a balloon to Bowser: I have no soul. Have a good day!

Bowser, walking off: I don't have one either.

Luigi: Bowser, I need some advice.

Bowser: You need advice from ME?

Luigi: Yeah, frightening, isn't it?

Luigi: I made this friendship bracelet for you.

Bowser: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person.

Luigi: You don’t have to wear…

Bowser: No, I’m gonna wear it forever. Back off.

Bowser: I made tea.

Luigi: I don't want tea.

Bowser: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea.

Luigi: Then why did you tell me?

Bowser: It's a conversation starter.

Luigi: It's a horrible conversation starter.

Bowser: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

Luigi: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one.

Bowser: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

Bowser: Luigi and I are no longer dating.

Luigi: Bowser, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.

Luigi: *is visibly upset*

Bowser: Luigi, what happened? I haven't seen you like this since you found out candyland wasn't an actual country.

Luigi: You don't know anything about me!

Bowser: I know EVERYTHING about you! You are an open book written for very dumb children!

Bowser: You don't know anything about me!

Luigi: I know EVERYTHING about you! You are an open book written for very dumb children!

Bowser: A decision had to be made.

Luigi: And you fucked it up!

Luigi: You call yourself my soulmate, but where were you when my meme only had four likes?

Bowser: Making four accounts.

Luigi, tearing up: Really...?

Bowser: It’s nice to be wanted, you know?

Luigi: Not by the law!

Luigi: Bowser is not allowed to decide which one of us is the chosen one.

Luigi: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Bowser: I wrote you a poem.

Luigi, already crying: You did?

Bowser: Love makes people do stupid things.

Luigi: I love everything!

Bowser: That explains a lot.

Luigi: Hey.

Bowser: Hey?

Luigi: I can't sleep. :/

Bowser: I can. Goodnight.

Luigi: Bowser, you need to react when people cry!

Bowser: I did. I rolled my eyes.

Bowser, trying their first ever cup of coffee: I am ENERGY!

Luigi, an avid coffee drinker, on their twelfth cup of the day: Someone slap me awake or I am literally going to fall into a coma in ten seconds.

Bowser: You're violent.

Luigi: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.

Bowser: Do you have a self-care routine?

Luigi: "Keep going bitch" said to myself in different accents.

Luigi: They don’t make them like me no more. I’m the last of my kind.

Bowser: Thank god.

Luigi: So I was just having a conversation with Bowser about Star Wars; particularly, about the choice of architecture. The amount of people who die from falling down bottomless pits is TOO DAMN HIGH! Like, who designs architecture like this? Catwalks with no guard rails whatsoever, just zigging and zagging through enormous voids. Giant holes to nowhere!

Bowser: It's by design. It's a cleaner look, for a more elegant time.

Luigi: Like... who the fuck put this hole here???? And why????

Bowser: Exhaust?

Luigi: Darth Maul falls down a hole, Palpatine falls down a hole, Solo falls down a hole, everyone falls down a hole! Star Wars universe needs OSHA.

Bowser: Luke falls down a hole, Boba Fett falls down a hole…

Luigi: Yes, yes, I forgot about those! R2-D2 falls down a hole in the Millenium Falcon after he fixes the hyperdrive.

Bowser: We're onto something here!

Luigi: Obi-Wan almost falls down a hole.

Bowser: C-3PO falls off the barge into the sand. Pretty close to falling down a hole.

Luigi: His lightsaber does though.

Bowser: *thinks hard about what other Star Wars Characters fall down holes*

Luigi: What if the hole is symbolic? The hole represents the dark side.

Bowser: Nah, doesn't work. Luke chooses to fall down the hole instead of joining Vader/The Dark Side.

Luigi: Fair point.

(^ ive litterally never seen that before in my life, so i thought it was funny. but like- imagine they're talking ab Bowser's Castle design.)

Bowser: If by any chance Luigi should attack, just start calmly talking about anything.

Luigi: Bowser told me that brown is just navy orange, and I have never been more disappointed with something I agree with.

Bowser: Whether or not I pay income taxes is none of the government's business.

Luigi: No, well, actually, it is.

Bowser: You don't know my name or what I look like, good luck finding me.

Bowser, making a cup of tea: Yeah, get into that leaf juice, you sexy, sexy bee sauce.

Luigi: Hey, do you take constructive criticism?

Bowser: I absolutely fucking do not.

Bowser: What is this!?

Luigi: That’s the weight of guilt. Give in to the nice side. Help those unfortunate, and make the guilt go away, my friend.

Bowser: Ow! Make it stop!

Luigi: Surrender to your kindness, Bowser. It’s nice to be nice.

Bowser: Your guilt is strong, my friend. But it is no match for the power of my selfishness!

Bowser: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.

Luigi: Killed without hesitation.

Bowser: Gatekeep, girlboss, and what's the other one again?

Luigi: There isn't another one. You're crazy.

Luigi: How many children do you have?

Bowser: Biologically, legally, or emotionally? Because there is a difference.

Luigi: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.

Bowser: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.

Luigi: ...

Luigi: You mean ring bearER, right?

Bowser: ...

Luigi: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

#i am mentally ill #bailey’s ramblings #luigi x bowser #bowuigi #bowugi #luigi #bowser

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nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius · 1 year

Text

TBB Incorrect Quotes, Part 11

Tech: You know those frozen lunches Echo likes? Hunter: Yes? Tech: I think they changed the recipe for their macaroni and cheese. Hunter: What makes you say that? Tech: Echo took one bite and is now staring at it like it insulted his mother.

Crosshair: *stubs his toe* FUCK! Hunter: Watch your language! Crosshair: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”??? Hunter: Crosshair: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

Echo: *Accidentally hits Hunter in the face* Echo: *Trying to decide between saving 'I'm fucking sorry' and 'Are you okay'* Echo: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?! Hunter: What's wrong with you?!

Crosshair: Why is my underwear in the freezer? Tech: You said "this is gonna confuse me so much tomorrow". Tech: Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. Crosshair: That explains so much.

Echo, to Omega: Please, picking locks is my specialty. Echo: *throws a brick through the window* Echo: Okay, let’s go.

Omega, furious: What do you mean we have homework tonight? I have books to read.

Tech: Look guys, I need help. Echo: Love help? Wrecker: Financial help? Omega: Emotional help? Crosshair: Help moving a body? *Everybody looks at Crosshair* Crosshair: What?

Hunter: Here are two pictures. One of them is your room, and the other is the garbage dump. Wrecker: *points at a picture* That one is the dump. Hunter: tHEY'RE BOTH YOUR ROOM!

Crosshair, tearing up the room: Where are they? Crosshair, looking under a pillow: Who moved them? Who moved my children? Crosshair: Somebody moved my M&M's, and now I am going to start killing.

Hunter: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO- Omega: It was me... Hunter: ...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.

Hunter: You are irrationally angry 365 days a year. Crosshair: Well, that’s just your personal opinion, I don’t have anger issues. Do you guys think I have anger issues? Tech: Well, I wouldn’t really call it an issue. An issue is something you can fix.

Echo: Crosshair isn’t answering my messages. Wrecker: Allow me. Echo: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi- Crosshair: *replying to message* Hello.

Omega: Who hurt you? Crosshair: *snorting* What, do you want a list? Omega: ...Yes, actually.

Crosshair: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?

Echo: I've been expecting you, Omega. Omega: How did you do that without turning around? Echo: Let's just say the first few people I did that to were not you.

Crosshair: It's against my moral compass. Tech: Your moral compass is a roulette wheel.

Wrecker: I just heard Crosshair call the dog a “fucking liar” because it barked like someone was at the door and no one was there.

Omega: Do you have any idea what you’re doing? Crosshair: Why start now?

Echo: You three, explain right now! Omega: It was Wrecker. Crosshair: It was Wrecker. Tech: It was Wrecker. Wrecker: Wrecker: …fuck.

Tech: Here’s the cold medicine you asked for. Tech: *dumps 3 shopping bags of wine on the table* Crosshair: ...Thanks.

Tech: Just so everyone knows, don't ever try to climb a tree at night carrying a strobe light, owls DON'T like it. Hunter: ...what happened? Tech: I made a VERY bad mistake.

Echo: If it pleases the court I would like to say that my opponent is TALKING SHIT!

Tech: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos- Phee: I wrote you a poem. Tech, already crying: You did?

Hunter: I have an idea. Omega: A good idea? Hunter: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Tech: A butterfly! Hey, little guy, gal or nonbinary pal! Wrecker: Can a butterfly be nonbinary? Tech: I mean, maybe? I don't judge. Hunter, staring dreamily out of the window: Ah, have you ever imagine having butterfly wings? Then- Crosshair: Then it would be inconvenient as fuck. Your wings would smack every doorframe and your clothes would have to have holes in the back. Omega: Also, your wing's paper thin, so even a six year old aimed a NERF gun at it would... Yeah... Wrecker: *sips coffee* According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a- Hunter: No, nononono. You fuckers have already shattered my dream, you don't get the fucking privilege to make that reference. Echo: Also, it's about a butterfly, not a bee... Why would you make that reference? Tech: You clearly have not lived with him long enough.

Echo: Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.

*Casually in the Middle of a High Stakes/Dangerous Situation* Wrecker: How do you eat pickles? Tech: What do you mean? Wrecker: I mean, there's a whole process. It's not like you can grab them from the jar with your hand, because it's cold and the juice burns if you have a cut, plus, it's pretty unsanitary. And you can't use a spoon because you'll have to scoop it out, and it'll be way too difficult to grab more than three or four without taking 10 minutes along with half the brine in the jar, even if it's one with holes. Tech: Yeah, that's why you use a fork. Wrecker: Okay, sure, but what if you don't have one of the big ones clean? It's weird to use a small one. But there is always one of those smaller sharp knives clean. Tech: But the straight edge doesn't really fit the cylindrical shape, and you have to make sure you don' t break it, it's too much work. Wrecker: It makes me feel like I deserve the pickles though. Like, "Yeah, I did it. That's right. Good job me." It's empowering. But even after that, it's not like you can use a bowl. Tech: I get that, it's not ascetically pleasing. Wrecker: Exactly! And it looks weird if you don't entirely fill the bowl, but you also can't eat that many. My solution: Use a mug. Tech: *Nods in agreement* Hunter: That is all very interesting, BUT WE'RE TRYING NOT TO DIE RIGHT NOW! USE YOUR LIMITED ATTENTION SPANS AND FOCUS! Wrecker: Jeez, okay. Tech: Quit yelling at us already.

Omega: Do you know a tortoise’s only weakness? Wrecker: No... well, their slowness. Omega: Their weakness is they can't roll over when they are on their backs. Omega: Now I have a plan. Omega: If I duct tape two tortoises together, they'll be unstoppable.

Wrecker: *on the phone* Hey Hunter, do you know my blood type? Hunter: Of course, it's B-. Wrecker: Oh, I guessed wrong. Excuse me, nurse-!

Hunter: Guess who just found out the difference between wax paper and parchment paper the hard way? Echo: Wait, what’s the difference? Hunter: One you can use in the oven safely, and the other you can also use in the oven... if the thing you are trying to make happens to be fire.

Tech: Echo, keep an eye on Crosshair today. He’s going to say something to the wrong person and get punched. Echo: Sure, I'd love to see Crosshair getting punched. Tech: Try again. Echo, sighing: I will try to stop Crosshair from getting punched.

Hunter: Tech… Tech: Oh, no. “Tech” in B-flat. Tech: You’re disappointed.

*Omega and Wrecker are arguing* Omega: I hope your sock falls off into your shoe! Wrecker: I hope both sides of your pillow are warm! Omega: I hope you get an itch on your back that you can’t reach! Wrecker: *gasp* Wrecker: I HOPE YOU STEP IN A WET SPOT AFTER PUTTING CLEAN SOCKS ON Omega: I HOPE YOUR PHONE STOPS CHARGING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! Wrecker: I HOPE THERE’S NO MILK WHEN YOU GO TO MAKE CEREAL! Crosshair, to Echo: Should we do something? Echo: Not yet. These are getting creative, I want to hear more.

Crosshair: Hostage or not, sometimes it's nice to be held. Tech: Tech: Are you okay?

#tbb incorrect quotes #incorrect bad batch quotes #incorrect quotes #star wars #the bad batch #tbb #i needed a break from revision

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onekindredspirit · 9 months

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The Ferret

The Ferret is one of my favorite second hand booksellers. This is a small branch of the original Ferret established in 1979 in Wellington city, the capital of New Zealand.

The Ferret has a good selection of books on photography. Not the technical sort but artist's monographs, which I collect.

I bought two books by the Italian photographer Luigi Ghirri - Cardboard Landscapes and Thought Landscape. I also purchased a book of essays by the English/New Zealand critic and photographer Peter Turner and a survey of the work of Tracey Moffatt, an Australian photographer of First Nation descent.

You may notice I mention each photographer's cultural heritage. We carry cultural memory deep inside us, and so many generations of that inheritance. It's meaningful to me personally and informs my understanding of others. The French blood of my farming ancestors called me to the countryside, my Scottish blood makes me a capable stone wall builder and adept at the swing of an axe.

It's relevant to say that the poet Allen Curnow, who in 1941 wrote the poem Wild Iron, was a New Zealander. He reveals his cultural identity, to me at least, in his sparse use of language and in writing about nature. It was lovely to see the poem hanging on the wall of the Ferret. I was very taken by it. The iron he writes about is corrugated iron, a ubiquitous building material in colonial New Zealand. The roof of my barn is clad with Belgium "iron", imported by settlers in the early 1890's.

But the poem is not about "iron", it's about the weather. The Southern gales were once 5 to 7 days long when I was growing up here. Straight from Antarctica, a hail of horizontal ice and rain. Wellington city once had ropes on strategic street corners to which pedestrians would have to cling to stay on their feet. That weather has gone, to be replaced by sudden and dramatic weather events that take lives.

A few nights ago I was woken by the sound of the lemon tree outside my bedroom window hitting the side of the house, its leafed branches scratching at my window panes. For one hour the Southern gale blew then died away. It is becoming a memory, like so much that we have and are about to lose.

I was young when I planted that tree more than 35 years ago.

I am still here. Don't worry. I will take care of you.

One Kindred Spirit

#original photography #original writing #climate change #photographers on tumblr #bookstores #architecture

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ifuckingloveryoshu · 14 days

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CANTO 6 PART 3 SPOILERS

Im beyond pissed, tumblr crashed in the middle of me doing this so this is going to be so much shorter than I want it to be. NON RYOSHU RELATED POST ABOUT THE HEATHCLIFF. DON'T TAKE WHAT I SAY AS FACT I AM NOT QUALIFIED FOR THIS. LOOK AT THE LINKS I CITE FOR MORE INFORMATION! You can click them when their mentioned. Im not citing in the proper format. This was done on 5 hours of sleep, two eggs, and a box of banana milk.

youtube

The Erlkonig or Erlking is this figure in German Mythology who kidnapps children. When he touches you, he kills you. This poem made by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe then adapted to this song is what you see. Erlkoning Heathcliff is trying to intice Heathcliff to die by telling him that it's his fault Cathy is dead. All identities refer to the sinner as "child" when you look into their uptie stories. Mili and the singer of the video here use the same technique of changing the tone and pitch of their voice to differntiate two characters.

The Wild Hunt is a part of Norse Mythology where Odin, mounted on his sixed legged horse Sleipnir, goes through the forest. According to norse-mythology.org, anyone who gets caught up in The Wild Hunt, spotted or seen, gets carried away. Your soul will get incorporated into The Wild Hunt. We all know Erlking Heathcliff did, the rising of the bodies. The Wild Hunt is also mostly describe as having hounds, and who was a hound? Hindleys.

From the same website, on the page of Sleipnir reads,

Also, the horse that heath rides on has a weird liney pattern on it's 4 legs that kind of look like that runestone. There's more connection here, I just don't want to type it again.

How did Project Moon mix two diffrent mythological ideas together? (Its not just two, they mixed so many more.) Meet human mistranslation and the progression of oral tradition and story telling throught time. I don't kno where to start. There was mistranslation poem when, according to ancient-origins.net Johann Gottfried Herder wrote a seperate ballad from the one I linked at the start called Erlkönigs Tochter.

The Anglo-Saxons were early German settlers. This is where things get messy because I have several more potential leaders of the Wild Hunt but here are two, King Herla and Herne The Hunter.

Herne The Hunter: Popularized by Shakespeare potentially from a play called The Merry Wives of Windsor. This man called Jacobb Grimm said that Hene The Hunter was related to Odin. Herne the hunter is this ghost. ( https://mythopedia.com/topics/herne-the-hunter ) Im trying to say there are other media that connect the Erlking to the Wild Hunt but its on Wikipedia so it makes it seem fishy. Another Link Here

King Herla: A british king who attended a dwarf wedding. When he left the wedding, the world had changed. Unbeknowst to him, 300 years had passed and he was claimed to be missing. When his men tried to get off their horses, they turned into dust so they were stuck like that. Read it here, its short. Someone better and more credible than me summed the story up better than I did, historian Chrissy Senecal. Read right here. An additional link to cross refrence if you'd like. King Herla and Odin got conflated together when really, their diffrent people

I found this other website article about Wild Hunts which kind of brings me to the next thing, the Harlequinn. They weild clubs, their devils, the image of them is popularly joyful? Maybe goofy and lighthearted? Perhaps associated with cards? Matt, or Heathcliff's portrayal of Matt. Now, I'm looking at Wikipedia and I see this section.

What do we have here? A mention of the Erlkönig, Dante's Inferno, masked, club weilding giant. Heathcliff's not giant but hes pretty tall, at least by my standards but whatever, im very short. DANTE'S INFERNO, Canto 11 and 12. What the fuck Project Moon, are you playing 5d chess?

Back on topic, Hellequin is the fairy king, and this figure pops up in German, French, Italian, and English folklore. I can't do proper research when all my search results are mixed with random junk and I'm becoming nutty. You will not normally be able to access this article without paying but here's the link anyways. Journal Article from this book on a section about horned deities made in 1922 speaks of a group of ghost riding, who are also huntsman.

And also another mention of Dante's Inferno. The name, Herne The Hunter is mentioned again.

All and all, The link between The Erlkonig and The Wild Hunt isn't as wild and unexplainable as I originally thought. It's just so cool to see all these concepts intersect. There still so much to touch upon like the headless horseman refrence and the Dullahans, RYOSHU COMPARING THE WILD HUNT TO THE PARADE OF 100 SPIRTS, something along that line, I forgot the name. I'm just not the right person to yell about this but I will anyways. The writers mixed so many symbols of death into one character. Such a wild and nutty Canto. Thank you so much Project Moon.

#not ryoshu #not ryoshu related #limbus company #lcb heathcliff #a link between The Erlking and The Wild Hunt #canto 6 spoilers

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