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lgbtlunaverse · 29 days

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This page from the adventurer's bible makes me want to cry

Like basically any neurodivergent dungeon meshi fan, I see a lot of myself in the Touden siblings. But I was blindsided by just how much I suddenly related to Falin in this little comic from the adventure bible's complete version.

It's about the Touden siblings' differing relationships with their parents, and why Laios still holds their treatment of Falin against them, while Falin herself doesn't.

We know that Falin was isolated and ostraziced by their village after she saved Laios from a ghost, displaying her uncanny affinity for magic. Her parents, instead of defending her, sent her away, which angered Laios so much he ran way himself before Falin even left for magic school, hoping to make a living so he and Falin could live together alone.

He tells Marcile this, but when she goes to Falin, she says she sees things differently. Her father sent her to magic school to protect her form the rest of the village without having to cause a conflict. He didn't explain that, and we actually see her burst into tears when he says it.

But, well... Laios was gone for a year before Falin went to magic school, and everyone else in the village avoided her. The understanding Falin has with her parents to me looks like one borne out of necessity, she literally didn't have anyone else to talk to.

And this is where we get to the page that made me want to cry

Like I said, I relate to the Toudens because I'm neurodivergent myself. that feeling of suddenly realizing you're disliked, but not knowing what you did wrong or what you should have done instead? Yeah... that's one I recognize.

When I was around 9 years old, the same age Falin is in this comic, a bunch of kids in my class decided to make a "game" where you lost if you touched me. It was basically the 'cheese-touch' from diary of a wimpy kid, except I always had it and couldn't pass it along. They'd pretend I was poisonous or disgusting and run away from me screaming or gagging. The point was to make fun of me. But my autistic little 9 year old ass thought "Oh I get it! It's tag but I'm always it!" So I... played along. Running at a boy and having him fall on the ground screaming in fake pain because you tapped him is, in isolation, pretty funny.

It wasn't until months into the "game" that I realized it was meant to be meanspirited. That the reason I was the one who was always 'it' wasn't an arbritrary rule but the whole point. Because I was weird and gross. I wasn't in on the joke, I was the punchline.

Falin may have come to understand her parents' intentions, but she didn't always. The adventure bible actually tells us that she at first didn't even notice that the rest of their village disliked her. She clearly knows now, but she had to be told. So when her mom tried to exorcise her, she just saw it as an activity she got to do with a mother she usually didn't get to spend much time with because of her poor health. It's only Laios who notices something is wrong.

(Sidenote, Laios being hyper-aware of people's poor attitudes towards Falin but completely blindsided when he's in the same spot, like with Toshiro, is also very relatable as an eldest sibling)

It probably also took Falin months, until after her brother had left and she had no one but her parents, to realize why her mother had been doing all those things.

And I know they're not the same. Even misguidedly, Falin's mom was trying to help her, not make fun of her like those boys in my class. (Though, as a queer person who also cares a lot about the queercoding in Falin's storyline, a parent trying to 'exorcise' their child of a fundamental part of them the parent thinks is evil or corruptive? yeah... that's not perfectly wholesome)

But do you know what I did, when I finally figured out the game was always meant to make fun of me?

To me, it looked like I had a choice.

See, those boys eventually figured out I didn't understand that they were being mean to me. I'd laugh every time I managed to catch one of them, I was visibly having fun. And while it no doubt only made me more of a weirdo in their eyes, they never informed me that I shouldn't be enjoying myself. That the point was for me to feel hurt.

So now that I did know, I had a choice. I could either get upset, and let the insult land as it was supposed to. That wouldn't stop them, because making fun of me was the original goal. Or I could ignore it and go on as usual. They had already accepted that I didn't get it, and they weren't gona stop me from having fun, so why should I?

And the thing is that I had... one friend, in that whole class. One person who actually liked talking to me and hanging out with me. I was lonely. And the 'game' provided me with another social interaction, mean-spirited as it was, that I desperately needed. And it was so delightfully simple. Navigating actual friendships as a kid with autism and adhd was so fucking complicated, and I'd never know when I might break an inivisble rule. But I knew the rules to the game perfectly!

Sometimes, if I was chasing one of them, the others would trap him and hold him down so I could tap him. In those moments it actually did kind of feel like I was playing with them, rather than against them. And it didn't change much, they didnt start actually liking me. But they were willing to roll with the fact that I wasn't upset, and I took advantage of that because I needed to.

So you can look at Falin seeing the best in her parents as her being naïve, but I look at this page and I see myself, at first unable to differentiate between playing and being made fun of. And then later, when I did see the difference, deciding not to get mad about it because that'd mean losing that social interaction, and I couldn't afford to.

Like I said, Falin probably first realized this in the year she spent with her brother gone, and everyone else avoiding her like the plague. If she refused to talk to her parents, like Laios did, she'd have no one left.

I see a lot of people relating to the fight between Laios and Toshiro. that frustration when you realize someone you thougth was your friend actually hates you, and they never said anything, never gave you a chance to fix it because you had no idea that you were even doing something wrong! And I can see that, too. But sometimes, when people don't fully hate you, it feels better to go along with the pretending. Because adressing it won't fix it. Because the problem isn't a specific behaviour, it's you. And if they're willing to tolerate you, despite the fact that it's you, then you'll take it. Because other people do hate you, so this is the best you'll get.

#dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi meta #falin touden #laios touden #neurodivegent #autism #adhd #long post #this one got REAL personal oops

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sister-lucifer · 2 years

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An Attempt, A Failure, A Moment Of Forgiveness

The Demon Brothers x Gender neutral reader

Genre: Fluff, Hurt + Comfort, angst but with a happy ending!

Summary: The brothers have had a particularly hard day, and you decide to make their favorite dinner to cheer them up. Unfortunately, it backfires, and now they’ve accidentally made you upset. It’s their turn to cheer you up instead.

Content/Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, slight angst with a happy ending, sensitive reader, the brothers being uncharacteristically mean due to stress, Beelzebub showing his emotional intelligence, Lucifer has no idea how to apologize

*Asmodeus uses he/she pronouns

*Levi is autistic

Not fully proof read, let me know if you see any errors!

Like my writing? I take requests! NSFW or SFW for any fandoms in my bio!

Also, please reblog! it’s free, takes two seconds, and really helps me out

“Watch it, stupid human!” Mammon hissed as he passed by you in the hall, bumping your shoulder and nearly knocking you to the ground.

“O-Oh, sorry Mammon!” You called after him, but he didn’t even turn back to you.

“Listen here, human,” He growled over his shoulder, “I have five tests I have to get through today and like, a million assignments due tonight, so stay the hell out of my way today, got it?!”

You didn’t even get a chance to respond before he had disappeared around the corner and into a classroom.

You sighed, gaze falling to your shoes as you solemnly made your way to your first period class.

This was not the first of these “mishaps” to happen today.

It seems that all of the brothers had some reason or another to be stressed; they all had important exams scheduled for today, and not to mention their countless other responsibilities outside of school.

Like Satan, who wasn’t supposed to be working after school today but had been booked for a shift anyways because his boss was, as he so elegantly put it, “a huge fucking asshole with no respect for anyone but himself.” The harsh words hadn’t been directed at you, but the icy cold glare he gave you while he said them made it feel that way.

Or Lucifer, who was up to his eyes in paperwork. He wasn’t sure how but it was ten times worse that usual, and each new paper on his desk was another grey hair. His head was pounding with a stress induced migraine that never seemed to really go away. He says he’s had a headache for the past hundred years.

Or Asmodeus, who had a photo shoot directly after school that would run for god knows how long, and she simply could not find a way to squeeze in any homework despite the fact that he was swamped with it at the moment. He was in too deep to cancel the shoot now, which meant his grades would surely suffer. Not to mention that the stress would surely give him acne, which was only making her stress out more!

The entire day it felt like they were rushing past you without so much as a glance, often disrupting you with their franticness and sometimes even rudeness. You knew they didn’t mean it, but it still hurt when Lucifer angrily snapped at you or Satan sent a sarcastic comment your way.

Fortunately, you knew just how to lighten the mood!

Although you didn’t fancy yourself a chef, the brothers always loved when you cooked authentic human food. Even something like mac and cheese was enough to cheer them up after a long day. You decided on a simple pasta recipe, something filling and easy to make for so many people.

You were only halfway through when you heard Lucifer enter the kitchen behind you.

“Oh, Lucifer! I was hoping you’d be a bit later, I have a surprise cooking…”

“What?”

Oh. He didn’t sound nearly as happy as you were hoping.

“W-Well, remember that pasta you all loved? I decided to make it for you! I figured it would take dinner duty off your hands and maybe make you all feel better after such a rough day, so—“

“Human, I already had everything ready for what I was going to make.”

His voice had a slight growl to it, a clear sign of his anger.

“I know,” You sighed, “b-but I thought—“

“Well you thought wrong. My brothers are already expecting the casserole I was going to make, and I already went through the work of prepping and storing the ingredients so I could just throw it together when I got home. Everything’s been so upside down today, I just want this one thing to stay on schedule.”

You really couldn’t blame him for that one. If there was one thing Lucifer hated, it was when plans changed. He needed everything to have an order, and if it didn’t he would get very upset very easily.

“Lucifer, I know you’re stressed, but you’re clearly exhausted. Why don’t you go rest while—“

“No, human!”

Seems that was the final straw. Although it wasn’t rare for Lucifer to get heated when scolding his brothers, he never raised his voice at you like that.

“I don’t care what you think you’re doing, I need you out! You can make your stupid pasta another night. The last thing I need is for you to muck up the one thing that hasn’t already been ruined today, so I suggest you scurry off to your room and stay there!”

You stumbled back, nearly falling before you caught yourself on the counter. You couldn’t look him in the eyes; you couldn’t even stand the thought of being in the same room. You could feel the familiar burning in your throat and the way your chest tightened as the tears began to fill up your eyes and blur your vision. You decided to give him what he wanted, and ran upstairs to your room as fast as you could. You passed Beel on the way, who opened his mouth to greet you but hardly got out a syllable as you rushed past. He could tell something was terribly wrong from the way you hid your face and teary eyes, and the way you slammed your door.

He immediately headed to the kitchen, only to see a half stunned Lucifer staring at the doorway you ran out of. He turned his attention away when he saw Beel, though, pretending that nothing was wrong. When his brother inquired about what had happened, Lucifer merely shrugged. He was overcome with emotion; yes, he felt terrible for scaring you off, but he also had six brothers who needed dinner and so many other tasks to worry about that he couldn’t make himself take pause. He figured he would deal with it later.

You had collapsed beside your bed and hid your face in your knees. You didn’t know what else to do. You’d lost your appetite and certainly didn’t want to go down for dinner, and you didn’t want to bother any of the brothers after everything that had happened. You had tried hard not to be upset and especially not to cry, to tell yourself that he didn’t mean it, but it didn’t matter. The fact that Lucifer would ever treat you that way—that ANY of the brothers would treat you the way they had today—was simply too much.

Beel was the first one to come see you. He knocked about fifteen minutes after you’d first shut yourself in, calling your name and asking if it was okay to enter. All you could muster was a hum in response.

He opened the door slowly, sticking his hand in first and revealing that he was holding a bag of blood strawberry candies. This specific kind were incredibly hard to find, limited edition with special colors, which means that he must’ve pulled them out of his secret stash.

“Hey, you alright?” He asked as he poked his head in, and you gave no response.

“Sorry, stupid question. Can I sit with you?”

You only nodded, scooting over a bit and making room for him.

“Want one?” He held out the open bag to you and shook it.

You reached your hand in and took one, putting it in your mouth without so much as a word. Beel did the same, though he preferred to munch on an entire handful at once. You both sat in silence for a few moments, and Beel didn’t speak until he had swallowed.

“So, wanna talk about it?”

You weren’t really sure. You just shrugged. It would feel nice to get it off your chest, sure, but venting to Beel about how mean he and his brothers had been today would feel terrible, even if Beel wasn’t anywhere near the worst offender.

“…Can I take a guess?”

You nodded once more, slipping your hand into the bag for another few candies.

“Well, I saw Lucifer in the kitchen. He seemed pretty shaken up. Does that have do with it?”

Your silence was all the answer he needed.

“I figured. Look, I…I know we haven’t been the nicest today. I think we all owe you an apology. We’re all stressed and tensions were crazy high, though that’s not an excuse…and I’m sorry for growling at you at lunch. I was really hungry…”

You couldn’t help but giggle at that last part. It was kind of shocking at the time, but you could laugh at it now.

You had many of these kinds of talks with Beelzebub. He was the most emotionally intelligent of the brothers, he just didn’t speak enough to let it on. The truth was he saw and heard everything, he was just better at picking his battles and shutting his trap than the others. Whenever it was just you and him, though, he always found a way to open your eyes. As long as he wasn’t hungry he was calm, cool and collected, and hardly anything bothered him.

“It’s okay, Beel…thank you.”

He sighed in relief when he finally heard you speak. He moved in a bit closer, allowing you to rest your head on his shoulder.

The next one to visit was Mammon, who was not near as subtle has his brother. He came barging in, clearly worried, and had to be shushed by Beel when he yelled your name.

“Shit, sorry…” He muttered, making sure to close the door extra quietly.

“Beel sent a text to the family group chat, are you okay?” Mammon looked you over for a few seconds, and when he didn’t see anything physically wrong, he sat down on the opposite side of you from Beel.

“I’m a little better now, thanks…”

Mammon was silent for a few moments, mouth hanging half open as he tried to find words. Eventually he gave up on words all together, instead reaching into the bag you’d just noticed he brought with him. He pulled out a small bouquet of flowers, all fresh and dewy, and your favorite color too.

“Look, I know I was kind of an ass today…okay, I was a TOTAL ass today—“

He paused to smile at your laughter. Good, he was doing this right.

“—A-And I know this doesn’t make up for it, but I’m not good with words so…I figured I would do better if I could give you something with my apology…”

You gently took the flowers from his hand, taking a deep breath and inhaling their subtle scent. Mammon stared at you expectantly, watching for any sign of disapproval. Fortunately, he found absolutely none.

“Thank you, Mammon. Apology accepted.” You punctuated your sentence with a kiss on his cheek, making his face heat up a bit.

“Hey, can I have one too?” Beel asked through a mouthful of candy, and of course you had to oblige.

The next two were Satan and Asmodeus, who as usual came as a packaged deal.

“Hey love, how are you doing?” Asmodeus asked in a soft tone. When it came to comfort, he was the best in the whole Devildom. Satan trailed in behind him, hugging a book to his chest.

“I’m okay, Asmo.”

“I’m sure you are, but I’m about to make you much better.”

Asmo presented you with a small white box, which he opened to reveal a red velvet cupcake with a heart sugar topper.

“I saw this in the window of a shop today, and I just had to get it for you. A treat as sweet as my human!” She booped your nose playfully before closing the box and setting it to the side.

He took your hand in his gently, stroking your knuckles with his thumb.

“Satan here isn’t much for apologies, so I agreed to do his for him. I am very, so very sorry for how rude I was today, love bug. And Satan is very sorry for being a…what was it? ‘Total fucking asshole?’”

“Watch it, Asmo,” Satan scolded, but his feigned glare quickly turned into a grin at Asmo’s sly giggle.

“It’s okay guys, really. You didn’t have to do all this…” You assured them. You felt sort of guilty to be honest, getting such unusual special treatment from them even if the attention was nice.

“Don’t talk like that love,” Asmodeus replied, “I have no idea what came over us today, but you could at least give us a chance to make up for it.”

“Besides, it’ll give me a chance to make Lucifer look bad, so I’m all in.” Satan joked. He and Asmo both settled in next to you as well.

Leviathan was next, awkwardly standing in the doorway for a few moments before speaking.

“U-Uh, I wasn’t really sure what the state of things would be when I walked in, so—“

He held up the variety of things he had brought, sporting a lopsided smile.

“—I have ear defenders, some chewelry, and that really soft blanket I know you love. Y-You can keep it all for as long as you need.”

Levi knelt in front of you and pushed all the offerings towards you. Your hand hovered over all of them, but eventually you decided on the blanket. You held it close and rubbed it against your face, relishing the blissfully mellow texture and the subtle smell of Levi’s room before wrapping it around yourself.

Levi tried to contain himself, to take time to find the right words the way you’d taught him, but he was so overcome with emotion he couldn’t wait.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry!” He blurted out, louder than he meant to be. “Shoot, sorry…I-I don’t mean to yell, I just feel terrible. I didn’t even realize how mean I was being at the time but then I thought about how awful it would feel if you were saying it to me, and—a-and—“

“Shhh, it’s okay Levi. I’ve already forgiven you.”

This stopped him dead in his tracks. He quickly shut his mouth, looking down at the floor in slight embarrassment. You reached a hand up to gently stroke his cheek as you thanked him for the thoughtfulness he had shown.

Belphegor slinked in a minute or so later, yawning as he greeted you.

“Am I late to the party? Sorry, I was asleep. That was the first nap I’ve managed to have all day. Guess that’s why I was being so cranky…”

Belphegor lazily trudged over, his exhaustion clear on his face as he laid his head in your lap.

“Sorry about that, by the way. Hope you didn’t wanna punch my lights out too badly.”

“Oh come now Belphie, I would never.” You argued, reaching down to scratch his head. He stretched and pushed into the touch, sighing with relief when you found just the right spot. He got comfortable very quickly, almost immediately drifting off to sleep.

There was a sizable gap between Belphie’s arrival and Lucifer’s. He had seen the text when it first came out, but tried to ignore it. When no one, not even Beel came down for dinner, though, he knew he had to go see you. He paced around the kitchen for twenty minutes before finally gathering the courage.

The sound of your door opening made everyone freeze as they looked over. Lucifer’s expression was hard to decipher; you couldn’t tell if he was sad, angry, guilty, or all of the above.

He was silent as he walked over, eyes fixated on you even though you were looking anywhere but him. He knelt down in front of you, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding as he started to speak.

“Human…” He began slowly, feeling the eyes of all six of his brothers, scrutinizing every move he made. He sort of deserved it, though. After such a terrible screw up his apology had to be perfect.

“I’ve come to say that I’m…sorry for how I’ve been acting.”

This made you look up with wide eyes. You expected him to beat around the bush, if you’re being completely honest. You’d heard Lucifer “apologize,” sure, but never once actually say “sorry,” his pride wouldn’t let him.

The most surprising part though, was that he kept going.

“I was dismissive of you all day, and on top of that I yelled at you when you were only trying to help because I always need to do things myself. I’m sorry. You deserve better than that—“

He was cut off when you had suddenly wrapped him in a tight hug, squeezing him with all your might. It took him a few moments to process what had happened, but when he did he hesitantly returned the gesture.

“I forgive you, Luci…” You whispered, just loud enough for him to hear.

He patted your back, allowing you to pull away from the hug when you were ready instead of pushing you away. He couldn’t help but gaze into your eyes for a bit longer than he meant to when you withdrew from the hug.

“Alright then,” He began as he stood back up, leaving everyone else quite confused. “We’ve got dinner downstairs that’s going to be cold soon, so how about you all help me bring it upstairs and we’ll eat in here instead?”

“Woah, really?!” Mammon gasped, “You never let us eat in our rooms! Wow, you must feel really shitty!”

This promptly earned him an elbow to the ribs from Asmodeus.

“Don’t worry human, I’ll grab yours for you,” Lucifer said right as you began to stand. “You stay here.”

Each brother gave you a kiss on the cheek as they left, some lingering longer than others. When no one was looking, though, Lucifer pulled you into a real kiss before he too was out the door (though not before flashing you a smile).

You sat there for a while, enjoying the silence and your own company, when you felt your DDD go off. It was a text from Lucifer.

Luci

Hey, just so you know, I got your pasta out of the oven. It was amazing 💙

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tycarstairs · 3 months

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ready to fight for my life for ty blackthorn when twp is released because the way people are already infantilizing and patronizing him bc he’s autistic is so….

no one asked for this but i’ve seen a lot of people have weird takes on his autism so as an autistic woman i need to clear some things up ok 😭 so buckle up, this is gonna be a long one (seriously, it’s long)

the main arguments i’ve seen are: (i’m paraphrasing here btw)

“ty didn’t cry when livvy died but he did cry when kit said he wished he’d never known him so it’s clear that he does love kit.”

and

“ty clearly loves kit because he cried when they argued and it’s hard for autistic people to cry.”

and

“ty gets on my nerves because he didn’t react at all when kit told him he loved him”

like. i do get what you’re saying (with the first one. not the second one, that’s a stereotype, and also not the third one bc that’s just weird), because it does show that ty cares but like. obviously? all his actions before that showed that he cared too.

saying “he cried when him and kit fought but not when livvy died” just comes off as acting like he’s more upset about kit leaving and insulting him than he is about kit dying and that just rubs me the wrong way.

i know this is not common knowledge but autistic people often have delayed processing, especially when we’re grieving because it can be so overstimulating and even when we do grieve, it’s not gonna look the same as when an allistic person grieves.

so, delayed processing:

delayed processing in autism is where you are recording/aknowledge events as they happen, however that information is stored elsewhere in the brain and isn't taken in.

once the brain is ready or has capacity the information is suddenly taken in. this could be hours, weeks, days or even months later.

an example (from justkeepstimming_ on instagram):

An autistic person whose mother died at quite a young age. At the time, when his father was grieving, it did not appear the autistic son was upset.

However, one year after his mother's death, he suddenly processed that she was gone (permanently) and only then started the grieving process.

that example is pretty much exactly what happened with ty in qoaad.

partly, ty didn’t cry when livvy died because he didn’t accept that she was dead. he was so sure that he was gonna bring her back and for a long time, he probably didn’t even consider the fact that he might fail.

after livvy dies, kit says this:

“Everyone had been terrified. Ty would fall apart, they’d thought. Kit remembered Julian standing over Ty as he slept, one hand stroking his brother’s hair, and he’d been praying—Kit didn’t even know Shadowhunters prayed, but Julian definitely had been. Ty would crumble in a world without his sister, they’d all thought; he’d fall away to ashes just like Livvy’s body.”

if ty were allistic, he probably would have reacted like this immediately. and he does react like this eventually when his brain fully processes that the ritual didn’t work, that livvy is actually not coming back:

“Livvy!” Ty didn’t scream the word so much as it was ripped from him; he curled up, hugging himself, as if desperate to keep his body from shattering apart.”

this is when ty actually processes that his sister is gone. so saying, “ty didn’t cry when his sister died but he cried when him and kit fought” as if it’s some really romantic thing that he was sadder about kit leaving than livvy dying (which is not true) is just iffy because it’s such a stereotype and a misconception that autistic people don’t seem to care at all when people die, and way too many people from this fandom are feeding into that so much.

and ty does show is grieving throughout qoaad but because it’s not in the allistic way, a lot of readers don’t recognize it.

(i was actually so positively surprised to see that cassandra clare, an allistic woman, wrote the grieving process for an autistic character—and everything else about being autistic tbh—so well but it gives me so much hope for twp)

for example, autistic people (this is obviously not all autistic people as all autistic people are different but i'm just listing the signs i've seen in ty in qoaad) when they're grieving might show their grief gradually in more subtle ways by hurting themselves, emotionally or physically, which ty does do:

"The only person he was unkind to, Kit thought, was himself."

and we also see in gotsm that ty is continuously punishing himself because he is still grieving. livvy is simultaneously there and dead, and ty has to live with both the grief of her death and the guilt of her being stuck as a ghost.

there's also the fact that kit observes that ty starts keeping secrets and doing things alone, which is also common when trying to process emotions that haven’t fully caught up yet:

“In the past days, though, since Julian and Emma had woken up, Ty had been harder to find. If he was working on something, he hadn’t included Kit in it—a thought that hurt with surprising intensity.”

like. ty is pulling away because he is trying to process everything that’s happening. him excluding kit is very likely a symptom of some kind of delayed grief because it’s very unlike him to exclude kit from anything, as we can see when he says multiple times outright that he doesn’t want to do things without kit.

just because it’s more subtle than breaking down into tears doesn’t mean that he doesn’t feel it at all. it’s more likely that he simply feels too much and is shutting down because of it.

and of course his grief is gonna be subtle when he hasn’t even accepted and processed the fact that she’s dead yet.

and yes, he cried when kit told him he wished he’d never met him but that is so different because there was no room for denial. kit told him that word for word, the processing wasn’t delayed this time because there wasn’t really that much to process.

ty truly believed right away that his only friend wished he had never known him, and when livvy died he didn’t accept that she was dead. those things are different and pitting them against each other is weird.

so, onto the second argument/misconception i’ve seen that:

“ty clearly loves kit because he cried when they argued and it’s hard for autistic people to cry.”

this is a misconception stemming from the stereotype that autistic people are emotionless. yes, some autistic people might have a harder time crying because of shutdowns etc. but generalizing it to it’s hard for autistic people to cry is just wrong, especially because this has never been implied about ty in the text.

in fact, it’s the opposite:

“Ty heard everything twice as loud and fast as everyone else. The headphones and the music, Kit sensed, were a buffer: They deadened not just other noises, but also feelings that would otherwise be too intense. They protected him from hurt.

He couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to live so intensely, to feel things so much, to have the world sway into and out of too-bright colors and too-bright noises. When every sound and feeling was jacked up to eleven, it only made sense to calm yourself by concentrating all your energy on something small that you could master—a mass of pipe cleaners to unravel, the pebbled surface of a glass between your fingers.”

so implying that it’s harder for ty to either cry or feel sad is just wrong. kit notes that “every sound and feeling was jacked up to eleven”, and this includes ty’s grief. him not crying when livvy died has nothing to do with how much he may or may not be feeling and everything to do with how delayed his processing was.

and the third complaint of ty is frustrating because he didn’t react when kit told him he loved him.

first of all, i don’t know if it’s my autistic ass not understanding allistic people but is it not normal to be in shock when someone tells you they love you in the middle of a necromancy ritual???

and second of all, this scene from city of heavenly fire where julian says “i know it’s hard to understand, ty, but we love you” like it’s supposed to explain their actions and ty reacts like this:

Ty looked at him blankly. He knew what “I love you” meant, and he knew it was good, but he didn’t understand why it was an explanation for anything.”

ty looking at kit blankly in surprise in qoaad is not him “not reacting”, it’s him trying to process 1) what that has to do with anything and 2) why that would be an explanation or an argument as to why ty should stop the ritual.

(it is probably also partly because ty thought kit had feelings for livvy at this point but that’s just speculation so i won’t get into it now)

to kit, this was probably his way of saying that because he loves him, ty can stop the ritual and kit will help him with the aftermath.

to ty, kit’s confession made no sense in that moment because why would kit loving him mean that he should stop the ritual? and this was most likely also the moment when his grief was really starting to kick in, so that just adds to it.

yeah idk if anyone made it to the end but as you can tell, i have a lot to say and i’m tired of people romanticizing ty’s grief.

#this is so long i’m sorry #sick of fandoms infantilizing neurodivergent characters #ty blackthorn i will always defend you #i’m putting my english degree to good use #the dark artifices #ty blackthorn #livvy blackthorn #the wicked powers #kit herondale #kitty #kit x ty #shadowhunters #actually autistic #twp #cassandra clare

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antsday · 1 month

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first thoughts of the first episode of dungeon meshi

u guys were not lying. laios is a downright freak. i also feel that this sentiment will grow stronger overtime

falin has been mentioned a handful of times and all the times she HAS been mentioned have either been by her brother or marcille, who i can only assume is the pathetic lesbian invading my dash. chilchuck does not give a fuck

also i find it really funny that the SECOND falin gets eaten laios is immediately like "oh what a great time to explore my dark buried fetishes :)" and then marcille is like "NO what the FUCK is wrong with you WHY would you want to EAT a fucking MONSTER" and then chilchuck is just like "yeah okay sure works for me" unbothered king

speaking of which, is falin just like. does she genuinely spend most of the show trying to avoid getting digested or.

SENSHI

this is a senshi appreciation post now btw. im just saying if i was on the verge of starving bc i was dirt broke and then a bearded man appeared from the shadows, gave me advice and then pulled together the most strangely beautiful and incredibly technical meal with nothing but years of experience and a knife and then shared it with me and OFFERED TO KEEP DOING IT i would propose on the spot

the cooking montages are really funny bc i keep watching them like they're genuine cooking shows. like "ah yes... he's using the correct techniques.... wow.... im so enlightened about cooking.... yes i absolutely will dry my slime for two weeks to get that special flavor" until i remember that they're talking about monsters

this fact is kind of upsetting btw. at least if i watch a cooking show i feasibly know that food exists irl and therefore i can go buy/make it but the fact that i will never ever be able to taste the scorpion mushroom hotpot OR the savory tart is like one hundred spears to my heart

they're all autistic. shhh trust me on this senshi himself told me so

#dungeon meshi #im really excited to see more!#ant speaks

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 months

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AITA for not calling out my little brother on his offensive behavior earlier?

For a bit of backstory, I (F21) am autistic. I was diagnosed was diagnosed with ADHD and autism at age 7. I have been in and out of therapy for it (against my will) until I turned 19 and went to college. For years, I have been trying to prove to others that I am capable of taking care of myself. I don't feel bad about being autistic. It's not an injury or a misfortune or whatever. It just is. But I don't speak up for myself when people insult me (directly or indirectly) for it.

I've been called crazy by my entire elementary math class for a class assignment (we had to say one nice word about each of our classmates). I've been called deviant by my college friends. I've been infantilized and compared to a pet by literal adults even after I tell them that I am autistic. I haven't been good at reprimanding this behavior, and I think I might've gotten used to it, hence why I even allowed my little brother to call me the r word in the first place. I haven't been mentally well for a good while, and I've only recently started to get the hang of managing my ADHD symptoms, so only now have I started paying attention to other people's lives.

Now here's where I may be the AH. My (M14) brother is neurotypical, and although I haven't called him out before for calling me the r word, he recently started calling me it in front of his friends. He's also in a lot of trouble as well for being racist and sexist at school as well, and I've started to wonder if I've been too soft on him. I've been going to a out of state college, so it's not like I was too involved in his life, but I was present, on occasion, when he was saying offensive things with his friends. I feel that as the adult in the situation, I should have intervened. I feel that my autism or mental state doesn't change the fact that in those situations, I am the responsible party. I feel that by being non confrontational, I was hurting my little brother. He trusts me, and I want him to be able to rely on me for help, but I feel I need to stop reinforcing this behavior. I just don't know how.

Maybe it's a too little, too late thing, but I'm really worried about him. He has a different dad, so he passes for hispanic, and I'm white, so I've always been unsure what role to take to confront him about his racism. I've experienced sexual harassment before, but I don't know how to talk about that with him either. I've told him multiple times that I am uncomfortable when he says things of sexual nature, but he hasn't stopped trying to get me to listen to his favorite (highly sexual) rap music. The one thing I was certain about that I could potentially ask him to stop was regarding my autism. I thought, since it was personal to me, he would understand and would stop. Maybe it would help him reflect on how others feel regarding the other stuff if I set one boundary. So I tried to ask him politely to stop making fun of my autism because it makes me uncomfortable. He got really upset and asked why I had a problem with it now instead of before. I've always been uncomfortable, I just never said anything. It's not like I can go back in time to change my past behavior, but I can see his point. I never called him out on it before, so why now? We aren't talking to each other anymore, but I can't help but think about the role I've taken in his life to make him act the way he does.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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punkeropercyjackson · 10 days

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I hate........how sexualizing teenage superheroes is the norm in the superheroes fandom at large.Forgive me for traumadumping ig but i have really strong feelings on this as an autistic adult with a special interest in superheroes at large themselves and itself as a genre

My first hero spin was Big Hero 6.By the time it came out,i was 13 so i was allowed internet access no problem and naturally i went looking all over for content of literally everything about it but my favorite character was Hiro so he was what i searched for the most and he was LUDICRIOUSLY objectified and fetishized for his wasian heritage and when the series came out,he got an official love interest named Karmi who's 16 to his 14 and she got tons of hate from Hiro x Gogo and Hiro x Honey shippers despite them not only being college aged to his again,FOURTEEN years but we got explicit ages for them in season 2 when the Nerd Gang minus him gratuated from SFIT so they're canonically TWENTY ONE(i feel it's an important sidenote that Karmi's brownskin with a hooked nose and her VA is indonesian/chinese mixed so her heritage is obvious and as to how it contributed to her reception vs easian Gogo and blonde light-eyed Honey)

My second one was Bnha and there's been tons of discussion about the base's problem with the UA students and Himiko and i thank everyone who's posted about it deeply but my specific one is that my otp of the series was and will always be Shouto and Momo aka Todomomo even if i'm not nearly as into Bnha as i used to be because they were the first ship i actively made content for and it lasted years and that combined with me headcanoning them as bi4bi,t4t and autistic4autistic helped my egg crack and realize my own autism big time so their relathionship eternally has a big place in my heart

This means i've witnessed grown ass people saying Shouto almost touched Momo's boobs in that cap where he stopped her during their Aizawa fight(and his hand didn't even land on her chest)as a running thing and same for him acting as a macho man who rules over her body so she can't wear what she wants or exist near other men,including BAKUGOU who Momo HATES IN-TEXT,or have conflict with him because he'll just 'put her in her place as his woman' and Momo who's thee 'silk hiding steel' character and has adultification trauma that triggers her anxiety as the plot of the Todomomo starter 'Yaoyorozu Rising' with Shouto helping her with words of affirmation,healthy communication and good boundries on both sides that became the foundation of their dynamic throught the whole franchise,manga and extras,is reduced down the 'the class mom to Iida's class dad' as if she's ever even looked in his general direction and when she's rightfully earned her place as Shouto's best friend alongside Izuku himself and that is INSANELY imppressive taking into account her limited screentime.All i wanted was them being goth bf x pastel gf and getting to heal their inner child together and what i got was a nsfw Todomomo week on twitter and a certain artist drawing Momo/Dabi as an 'April Fool's' joke MULTIPLE YEARS in a row because he's also a Todoroki so it's also Todomomo lololol and i also did her with Natsuo and Fuyumi,i'm so funny!The only good thing to come out of that i started spite headcanoning Momo and Dabi as found siblings and platonic soulmates and realized i was actually on point

Then i watched Batman:Under The Red Hood when i was 19 and Jason became a character i selfship with romantically so i did the logical thing and started reading comics,starting with his.Did you know it's canon that while he dosen't exactly hunt them down specifically,he hates pedophiles and incesters so he once targeted a teacher because he was csa'ing one of his student's and expressed disgust at the thought of kissing any of his brothers based off them being brothers?You wouldn't know either of these things off fanon alone,you'd think he was creepy older guy who seeks out younger people on purpose when he dosen't seek anybody out period and that's his canon relathionships coping mechanism and it's also canon he couldn't talk to girls and pushed a guy off a roof for running a sex ring as Robin.As ROBIN,a fucking 11-15 year old Jason had that much of a moral backbone and willingness to take action in it yet everyone thinks he'd date a CHILD,even HIS OWN UNDERAGED SIBLINGS,with taking advantage of them as the appeal

I absolutely loved Into The Spiderverse as an afrolatino like Miles who was a troubled kid like he is too and i thought Gwen was super good too and Peter B's another character i selfship with romantically so naturally i was hyped for Across and the first thing the fandom did when the trailer dropped?Make a hyperpopular meme where that sweet,soft,wholesome scene where Gwen gets cheeky and looks through Miles' sketchbook and sees he's so in love with her he dedicated it's entierty to her just existing as herself into him seeing her as nothing but a sexual object with degrading features she does not have and it was a sick joke on Gwen because the boy she loves just wants her for sex and not even for what she actually looks and that just makes it even worse!!!Then there's the equally pure implied thing they did of her either stealing Hobie's sweaters because he makes her feel safe after her abusive dad kicked her out for being trans or him giving them to her to borrow as affection that ALSO got twisted into Gwen being nothing but a sex object,by people who see Hobie's age interpretation not even as a minor but in his 20s unlike how actual Ghostpunks do!!!!!!!,and don't think i haven't seen the Margo shit calling her 'thicc' and turning the girls into Miles' 'harem'

And the thing that made realize this is that it's always been like this is when i went looking for Teen Titans screenshots,first Starfire and Blackfire for me and my little sister and then ones of the animated Titans in general for my little brother because he did an edit-redraw of our DC self-inserts together using one so i got excited at how good it was and decided to ask for a few more since we have friends who have DC ocs too and we're all doing a canon rewrite fixit with them but the first results were fucking incest softcore porn and TOO DAMN MUCH horny Bbrae fanart.One of the friend's in question is like another brother to me and he's 17 and he thought there was nothing wrong with Jason/The Fenton Siblings because when i said find it triggering just in general,he tried to explain that i was 'making the wrong assumption' because a lot of people age up Danny and Jazz and he'd learned that from older DPDC fans.They literally groomed him and i'm so glad i met him and helped him unlearn that shit before he could get hurt

That's not normal.NONE of that is normal to involve children even if fictional because they're meant to be exactly like REAL kids mentally and physically and you get upset at the real ones for being upset by you doing this to them and even harrass them for it and i've had to directly defend another one of my little sibling's from harrasment from 'fandom elders' because he dared to have an opinion that 'dosen't follow the rules'.I'm sick of this,i can't stand this,this needs to DIE.There's no exaggaration over ten times the adult superheroes than they're are kid ones and you fucking ship them with eachother instead just sticking to the adults for smut.Batman and Robin were seen as a couple in ye olden times by a group of gay people not because Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson harbord secret romantic feelings for eachother since conception or intended to later on but because that specific gay people were irl pedophiles who used being gay as a defense

I don't care if i sound childish or if nobody who this is aimed at cares,i hate all of you for this.I hate you for tarnishing my special interest,i hate you for violating the history of superheroes and the creation of sidekicks and kid heroes as role models and escapism fantasies for real kids,i hate you for beyond disrespecting that superheroes as a WHOLE were created by jewish folks and that Clark Kent,the FIRST superhero,is the protector of all innocents with a deep love for children and gets especially angry when they're hurt and is a fundemental trait he has to have or he's NOT Superman or Clark Kent Kal-El or Superdad,i hate that the sexualization of underaged supers and them being abused as 'romance' by their fucking pseudo-parents is a long running punchline.I hate you with my entire heart and soul and actual comics reading knowledge

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erinelliotc · 7 days

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Talking about "Ed, Edd n Eddy" outside of Tumblr with (probably) heterosexual cisgender neurotypical men is just... frustrating. I feel like I'm talking to a door. The guy got mad just for stating the simple fact that what the Kankers do to the Eds is sexual harassment. I mean, how can anyone deny that? I thought it was, like, obvious to everyone lol. I made it very clear that it's my favorite cartoon and that admitting that what the Kankers do is sexual harassment doesn't mean it's bad or that it should've been canceled, and the guy just said he wouldn't read my text. It's ridiculous.

People outside of Tumblr are so lazy and this scares and saddens me because I love writing and I can hardly summarize my thoughts. I mean, it's okay if you don't want to read it, but then at least keep quiet and don't give your opinion on something you don't know about or assume what the other person said. People simply leave discussions with a simple "I won't read it" and feel victorious for it, even if the person in question is agreeing with them, agreeing more than disagreeing, or only partially disagreeing. They treat "writing too much" as having already lost the argument itself and that doesn't make any sense. The worst part for me is that being lazy to read and having the inability to formulate a counterargument has already been widely normalized on the internet as winning an argument, and it totally pisses me off.

Why are people so lazy to... think, discuss and reflect? To use their fucking brains!? They just want to attack people for no reason and be right at all costs! They act stupid and others agree with them! Ugh, I should just stay on Tumblr. I've already accepted that this is the only nice and safe (or at least the nicest and safest) place for neurodivergent / autistic people.

Anyway, about what happened:

It was in this Instagram post:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Millennial & 90's Content (@paraeden90s)

instagram

Comments started here:

I replied emir.d95 with this text:

I mean, it is sexual harassment. Admitting this isn't the same as saying that the cartoon is bad or that it should've been canceled (far from it, it's literally my favorite cartoon of all time), it's just stating a fact. It's like denying that Ed has an intellectual disability and is bullied because of it, or that Kevin is a bully (at least in the initial seasons), these are things that aren't explicitly said in the show, but are obvious and don't make it bad (furthermore, it was the 90s/2000s, it was a cartoon within what was considered normal for the time). Problematic things and complications happen, they are part of life, showing them in a cartoon isn't the same as agreeing with them. It was very clear that the Kankers were a bother to everyone and nobody liked them. Danny Antonucci said the Kankers were based on a group of girls he knew during his 7th grade school year. In his words "they're based on a pair of Grade 7 girls who true to form were always on the lookout for potential boyfriends. They frightened us with their intensity and attitude yet they always wanted to play the innocent with the older guys whom they wanted to date". They were based on real girls who were actually scary, cynical and a nuisance to Danny and others. The Kankers are supposed to be creepy, problematic, a pain in the ass, and disgusting. One of the biggest features of this show is the gross things, disgusting the viewers, and the Kankers and them abusing the Eds and sometimes others is one of those gross things. And before anyone says something like "It's just a cartoon, it's not that deep bro", we're talking about "Ed, Edd n Eddy", a show that literally addresses domestic violence, shows the main character's redemption arc and how his brother's abuse influenced him to act the way he did, and consequently teaches about friendship, forgiveness and acceptance. It's not just a silly cartoon, it also touches on serious subjects when necessary, sometimes in a more shallow, light and humorous way, or in a more explicit and profound way, like in the movie. The Kankers are abusers, just like Eddy's brother, and his punishment in the end is precisely being abused by them. Like it or not, "Ed, Edd n Eddy" teaches us, even if unconsciously and subtly, that girls can also be abusers and boys can be victims of sexual abuse. It's a great show for a laugh, but also for learning some valuable lessons every now and then. The movie was supposed to have even more serious and touching scenes, but unfortunately they didn't fit into the available time and budget.

Then I got these:

So, yeah... The lesson is: Don't expect a healthy in-depth dialogue about "Ed, Edd n Eddy" with people outside of Tumblr xD

#ed edd n eddy #ededdneddy #ed edd and eddy #eene #eene kankers #kanker sisters #Instagram #danny antonucci

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heraldofcrow · 3 months

Note

Do you have any specific neurodivergent headcanons for bb characters by far?

Yep!! Sorry for the wait on this, I was adding to it little by little.

Without further ado—

Wait, I forgot, I need to clarify something. I don’t really believe neurodivergence refers strictly to autism and ADHD like many often try to say, so with that in mind, my answers might be more varied.

• Rom

Rom is my main headcanon for neurodivergence in Bloodborne because I suspect something is up with her basically being called the “mentally disabled spider” in Japanese, while also having been the only person in Bloodborne to have ascended. With that in mind, I see her as an autistic savant. Perceived as a fool due to stunted outward development, but a genius beyond what others could even understand.

• Laurence

This one is maybe odd, but I have Laurence as someone with bipolar disorder and autism. I don’t have some in-depth explanation for this one other than it fits with the character I wrote for him.

• Gehrman

Clinical depression, like from the time he was a really small kid. He was just different from the start and saw far more than he should have. He was never a very hopeful or upbeat person.

• Bloody Crow

I write Crow with severe psychosis that stems from schizophrenia. There are signs of him being autistic as well, but his schizophrenia is the main thing he struggles with. It is NOT what makes him a villain later on, but when his delusions get out of control and trigger his mania…well, you don’t want to pair it with hatred and anger. Sadly, Crow is overflowing with both.

• Micolash

Micolash was not brought up in an environment where he was able to develop empathy for others, so he was always a bit sociopathic. This wasn’t actually much of a problem for years though, because he tried and learned via others about socalization and interpersonal relations. Sociopaths are not inherently dangerous and neither was Micolash. He was a decent person for a long time.

However, tragedy always strikes, and darker emotional issues and beliefs were what allowed Micolash to eventually weaponize his own sociopathy, committing worse and worse atrocities without feeling the pain of his victims. I like to imagine he was fully aware of how he thought about the process. The problem wasn’t his lack of empathy, it was his choice to utilize it in an evil manner.

• Adeline

Adeline has both Borderline Personality Disorder and clinical depression. The traumatic experiences in her youth left her with a lot of unresolved emotional tension, poor kid.

• Maria

I have her as Crow’s biological sister, so as siblings, they both actually struggle a bit with the same mental challenges. Maria doesn’t really have schizophrenia like her brother, but she experiences severe bouts of depression that can lead to hallucinations and psychosis. She also deals with extreme memory loss at times and heavy PTSD.

• Ludwig

Ludwig has ADHD but people can’t really tell because he is hard on himself about keeping his focus intact. People like Maria absolutely notice his struggle and his periods of low self-esteem. He is too tough on himself :(

• Eileen

This one is actually my favourite headcanon, but Eileen has DID and has at least one other alter that she formed when faced with a horrifically traumatic event as a child. Her alter is a stiff, austere military officer-type, who is comfortable with emotionlessness and treating Eileen’s line of work as a task that must be completed.

Eileen’s alter is harmless and she is aware that she is different in this sense. It’s actually what draws her to Bloody Crow, who is already so terrified of his own mind that he finds comfort in knowing his mentor and mother-figure is not too different.

—

Some of these might change, but I am happy with most for now. I love psychology and studying it, so I think of it as a worthy challenge to try to write characters with unique mental states and accurately so. It can be a little scary because I know people really care about how several of these mental illnesses are depicted, but hopefully I am not screwing anything up too much. 😅

#thanks anon!#hope you like these #i know and have known people with almost all of these disorders so it feels kinda personal writing them tbh #asks #anonymous #bloodborne #bloodborne headcanons #neurodivergent headcanons #rom the vacuous spider #gehrman the first hunter #laurence the first vicar #lady maria #bloody crow of cainhurst #saint adeline #micolash host of the nightmare #ludwig the holy blade #eileen the crow

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jamesunderwater · 9 months

Text

Tidbits:

you can call me james or jamie. transmasc autistic ace/arospec writer. lover of books magic music boobs and boys.

multi-fandom blog run by a multi-shipper. my main fandoms are: marauder's era harry potter, percy jackson, hbo's succession, bbc merlin, and stranger things

i do write and post smut, just as a content warning. minors be warned.

don't put up with transphobia/terf/transmed shit, racism, antisemitism, ableism, sexism, and the like.

itsjamespotter on ao3

**for anyone triggered by harry potter content, i try to tag all harry potter related posts with #hp, so you can block that tag**

Tumblr Fic Tags:

Jily

Prongsfoot

Dorlene

Smut

AO3 Highlighted Fics

Dead to Me [playlist] [tag] - 91,625 words - jily, angst, hurt/comfort

I saw a quote once that said: "How many times have I loved a thing, just because you loved it? Including me." This story is about love, but is not to be confused with a love story. It's about the love we should have had. The love we don't think we deserve. The crooked love we settle for. It is about how, in letting others love us, we learn to love ourselves.

Call and Response - 6,685 words - first war, hurt/comfort, minor jily

A series of vignettes showcasing how, despite his own personal tragedies, James Potter never fails to show up for the ones he loves – which might be his greatest strength and his greatest weakness. Set in a world where James and Lily never got together in school, the Marauders, now twenty, are fighting in the Order at the height of the war. Consider this my love letter to James “would have died rather than betray his friends,” “would have regarded it the height of dishonor to mistrust his friends,” “until the very end” Potter.

Bring Your Kid to Work Day(s Never End When Your Godfather is Sirius Black) - 2,012 words - good godfather sirius black

Written for Good Godfather Sirius Black Fest. Day 11, prompt: bring your kid to work day.

Promises to Keep - 1,142 words - dorlene; canon first war; angst

Marlene and Dorcas have run out of ways to say goodbye.

Just This Once - 6,196 words - jily, muggle au, gratuitous smut

When they were teenagers, James Potter promised his best friend, Sirius Black, that he would never, ever touch his sister. Lily Evans promised herself long ago that she would never, ever give into her feelings for her brother's best friend. But maybe…just this once?

Completed Fics August '23 - Present

Jily: Sweet Seventeen - oneshot - 792 words - canon school years, fluff

James is dating an older woman. She loves snow. He loves... well, it's too soon to say it.

Prongsfoot: here comes a thought - oneshot - 634 words - psychiatric unit AU

sirius is just one of those kids you can't fix. no one has ever thought otherwise. until james potter.

Jily: you are my heaven - oneshot - 1,815 words - soulmates AU, jily reincarnated

What, you thought all they got was a few years together? this is for anyone who has watched what dreams may come (1998) and it's a wonderful life (1946) and is also a pisces. 'cause you get it.

Jily: Happy Holiday, You Filthy Potters - oneshot - 6,098 words - fix it fic, jily never died AU, married smut

"jily christmas family fluff!" but with sex on the stairs.

Prongsfoot: "truth is i'm so damn in love with you i don't know what to do with myself" - oneshot - 804 words - canon first war, one bed

prongsfoot + near death experiences + trapped with only one bed + gay pining

Prongsfoot: "you have no idea how long i've been wanting to do that" - oneshot - 1,017 words - muggle AU, transmasc Sirius Black, bathroom smut

prongsfoot + a locked door public bathroom on my knees trying to make you scream vibe

Prongsfoot: not going anywhere - oneshot - 2,341 words - song fic, canon death, grief

when they were boys, james potter made sirius black a promise. and not even death can make james potter break his promises.

Prongsfoot: i don't even know where you end and i begin - oneshot - 482 words - first war, canon death, grief

Remember when we were such fools? And so convinced, and just too cool? I wish I could touch you again. I wish I could still call you, friend. I'd give anything.

Jily: Tall Dark and Glasses - oneshot - 3,292 words - coffee shop AU, fluff

Tall Dark and Glasses (or TDG as he is more affectionately known) is the mysterious, painfully good-looking stranger who has been frequenting Lily's favorite coffee shop for months now. But despite having an embarrassing acronym for him, Lily, a burned out STEM major, is too comfortable being a wallflower to go up to him herself. Thank god for playing cards, I guess.

Prongsfoot: I Only Breathe When You Breathe - oneshot - 643 words - first war, angst, hurt/comfort

Sirius and James and a nearly fatal order mission. Don't worry, it isn't gay at all.

#look i made actual banners!!!#my writing #intro post #pinned intro #prongsfoot #jily #dorlene #dead to me #a love letter to james potter #good godfather sirius black #james potter #lily evans #dorcas meadowes #marlene mckinnon #wolfstar #the marauders #me

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nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid · 11 days

Text

I wish that autism wasn't so heavily looked down upon/ignored/disrespected when I was growing up.

I was a "devil child", "handful", "problem".

When in reality if even minute changes were made in my environment and how my own family interacted with me, I would have flourished so much more.

I heavily stimmed using music. The repetitive beats and heavy bass was my thing. So when my mom wanted to punish me for something, one of the first things she'd do was take away my ipod/mp3 whatever I had. WORST thing was when she ONLY took my (very specific) headphones.

To her, it was taking away something fun. A luxury item. A toy basically.

But to me, it was taking away a very heavily ingrained stim that I NEEDED to do, and could not do without very specific criteria (specific headphones and a specific playlist/style of music)

So of course I would become horribly disregulated. Which I'd then have to attempt to mask/or recluse to avoid her so she wouldn't see how bad it unraveled me.

Because to her, being disregulated/unraveled was "acting up", "catching an attitude", "being disrespectful/rude".

Gods. Looking back I truly hate how she did me wrong in that way. Not just my stim but EVERYTHING. All my needs were either dismissed or half-met.

She is one of those people who thinks sure adhd/autism exists but not in HER family. Not in HER children. She even tried to blame it on the father of her children and it couldn't possibly have had anything to do with her.

..... we not only ALL have different fathers, but after observing both memories of her and her now, she is ALSO autistic and in total denial.

I definitely still harbor resentment because of that. She had me "evaluated". Once. At a time where they still heavily leaned on the male criteria for adhd, and autism wasnt really addressed/acknowledged unless it was severely debilitating. But also, by the time she had me evaluated, I'd already spent a few years (unknowingly) masking due to peers and family creating that need. So the conclusion was "there MIGHT be something divergent about her but we couldnt say for sure at this time" and she took that as "nope she's good, just a problem child. Carryon." Never again to be addressed.

She barely acknowledged that one of my brothers (previously a sister) was diagnosed adhd.

She only acknowledged another brother's adhd&autism diagnosis because the school he went to was very accommodating and insisted that he be evaluated and guess what.

Once he was diagnosed, and they rearranged his class schedules to fit his needs, he did a 180 and graduated top of his class. THRIVED. I both LOVE that he got that and HATE that I never did. I barely got through school.

It wasn't for lack of love of learning. I just, learned different, but was ALSO heavily overloaded with how crammed my courses were. I always wonder if I'd gotten the same accommodations, would I have thrived? Would school have been a drastically different/positive experience/memory for me? I'll never know. Because my mother was so against the idea that anything was divergent about me and absolutely mentally stuffed me into her little idea of an ideal neurotypical child that I never had a chance...

Now that I know I'm also AuDHD, like most of my siblings and even an aunt, I feel validated. I had seen vlogs and blogs about people more and more coming out about how they handle life and their coping skills and hacks theyve learned and after starting to apply those to myself... gods I've improved so much.

Don't get me wrong, I still struggle. But now knowing what issues are and how to cope and get around things, I'm a lot better off.

This is only ONE reason of several why my relationship with my mother has gone sour. What's sad is she doesn't really realize it yet? I havent been able to compose myself enough to have THE CHAT.

About how she hurt me a lot. Intentional or not. (Like not knowing taking away my music was taking away a stim) I don't know how to have this chat. Tbh I thought about writing a longass letter. Because in the past whenever she's been confronted about anything she's done wrong, she spirals into defense mode and wont even entertain the conversation beyond that point and you get... nowhere.

So maybe in person the bulk of the talk wont happen. I feel like. I need to hand her a letter. Have her read it. And maybe have a succinct chat before parting ways.

Because I wanted to be close to her for so long, that I either didn't realize or knowingly ignored her problem behaviors and looking back... she just... gods that's a whole other post for the future....

If you've read this far thank you. If you've had similar familial experiences, lmk (if you're comfy)

I just....... *sigh*.... yep.

#vent post #vent #long vent post #long post #audhd #adhd #autism #neurodivergence #childhood #neurospicy #neurospicy childhood #neurodivergent childhood #stim #heartbreak #family issues

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nothorses · 10 months

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Oh god, thank you, like if we did assume anon comes from a good place we understand where anon comes from but also like...yea nothings going to help if we don't like, Have A Replacement and you definitely know more than us about this one.

If it's alright to ask: we're wondering if you have any sort of knowledge that could be passed onto us (and others in a situation like ours) to mitigate that?

For more specific context, people definitely sing their praises to IEPs a lot and we saw someone mention them somewhere, but we have very unfortunately been on the end of it where it has been used as a vehicle for oppression and ableism anyways (WE PROMISE those twitter threads will be moved here to Tumblr we just haven't done it yet sory sksksk), because we had abusive parents who were "only" emotionally abusive if that makes sense.

We understand IEPs are helpful to lots of folks but it can be isolating as all fuck when praise is all people do rather than look at some of the tiny nuances or the ways people use it to keep the status quo instead of helping folks. Like how it was used as an extension of Autistic conversion "therapy" / applied behavioral analysis "therapy" when we had to put up with it.

Nutshell/TLDR: how do people use what they have learned to improve education when they didn't really. Learn anything. And how to bring attention to some of the things that nobody wants to talk about without sounding like we're being dismissive. We're so burnt out here when it comes to discussing any education system before university. Please share your wisdom (but only if you want to)!

I am not like, The Expert here, but I will offer some thoughts! Just take them with a grain of salt; I don't know everything, and I could always be missing things.

I will say that IEPs/504 plans are of particular interest to me right now, and imo, the problem is pretty broad and pretty deep.

My own personal context is that my brother was diagnosed with ADHD before even starting school, was put in SpEd early on, and had some pretty traumatic experiences because of that (we picked him up from school once to find him in an isolation room- a closet with one bulletproof window in the door carpeted floor-to-ceiling- because he had acted out in class. In first grade). He believed wholeheartedly that he was incapable of controlling himself, and he developed extremely low self-esteem. I don't know if no diagnosis would have been any better for him, but his diagnosis and "accommodations" (iirc he had an IEP) actively did him harm.

I, on the other hand, was not diagnosed with ADHD until I was 22, and I had to go out and do it myself. I had struggled with school my whole life, I had been in shouting matches with my mom about it, I have trauma about it, and I developed a different kind of low self-esteem around being told I was "choosing" to fail. Once I was medicated, my grades suddenly shot up, my GPA shot up, and I got into a pretty damn good grad school about it. I'm left wondering how things might have been different for me if I'd been understood as someone who was trying but struggling, and who needed support, rather than someone who was not trying at all.

I also don't think it's reasonable to expect that every disabled kid is going to be identified by the system, which is what most teachers seem to think is the issue: that they aren't good enough at armchair diagnosing 6-year-olds yet. It's just not gonna happen. Someone will be missed, and they shouldn't have to struggle alone because nobody else realized what they were struggling with.

Imo, what we need to be pushing for most urgently is universal accommodations, available without any need for diagnosis, disclosure, or anything else: Buckets of fidgets kids can grab whenever, alternative seating options, built-in breaks and frequent snacks, no penalties for late work/tardiness/absences, no graded tests, etc. (I would also like to see more project-based learning & growth-oriented grading, personally!)

As far as learning more: I can recommend some readings to start, and I'll link them here. They're also pretty dense; the grad school recommendation is to read the intro and conclusion in full, and just read the first and last sentence of every paragraph aside from that.

Here's the big folder (which I need to update) of all of the education-related readings I have ever been assigned. I recommend specifically searching "disability" and "democratic"/"democracy"; those will probably be the most relevant to what you're interested in.

Some good starting points:

Leonardo, Broderick (2011) - Smartness as Property: A Critical Exploration of Intersections Between Whiteness and Disability Studies

Carolen, Guinn (2007) - Differentiation: Lessons from Master Teachers

Alverman (2001) - Reading Adolescents' Reading Identities: Looking Back to See Ahead

Veletsianos, Houlden (2020) - Radical Flexibility and Relationality as Responses to Education in Times of Crisis

#education #disability #I could go on about this one specifically for a WHILE #and I will!#in my master's project paper lmao

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the-shinysnorlax · 8 months

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Why I think Miguel O’Hara is autistic

(Posted by me, a autistic person and Miguel O’Hara fan)

Before anyone attacks me for this post, keep in mind that this is MY OPINION and you do not have to agree with everything I say.

I will be mostly using the 90s comics, Dark Tomorrow, and ATSV as an example because I think that’s where it shows the most.

Ok without further ado time to send the evidence.

1. Miguel is absolutely horrible with communication

There have been multiple times where Miguel just fucks up communication unintentionally. This is definitely the most prevalent in the book Dark Tomorrow (Which is a banger read, even if it’s meant for young teens) where him and Arañas relationship is very strained in the beginning, mostly because of Miguel’s fuck-ups.

There’s also evidence in the 90s comics too, like in issue 2 where Miguel freaks out over saying something menacing to Venture and just goes “Hi” like the dumb guy he is (But he’s my loser love him so)

Also he’s much better communicating with Lyla about things than a actual human being. Like he rarely shows negative emotions or talks about his feelings to anyone, not even his own brother or fiancé. Only time we see his negative feelings is when he’s by himself or in thought bubbles. That’s it.

(Miguel honey pls get a therapist I BEG)

2. He has no spatial awareness and is oblivious to his surroundings.

This isn’t really as obvious as some of the other ones but yeah. He has like- no spatial awareness. None at all.

Again we can really see this in the 90s comics, specifically issue 2 of the series. Miguel looks down at his hands and just- doesn’t see he’s grown talons. The comics explain it as his vision was blurry but I still think he would’ve at least noticed something was off. Idk. Maybe I’m thinking too much about this 😭😭😭

3. He hates change

Oh boy this is (Probably) going to be lengthy.

If you read his comics, you know he does not like having powers. Even when he’s gotten used to them and control his powers he still doesn’t like that he got them and regrets having them. Hell, even in Dark Tomorrow, which takes place 6 years after Miguel got his powers, we still see him having regret of getting them. Regret of becoming a hero.

And yes, I know in most comics when heroes do get powers they’re almost always like “Well I never wanted these in the first place!” But they learn to accept this new responsibility of theirs and overtime embrace their superpowers. Miguel isn’t like that. He never fully accepts his powers. He does get used to them sure, but it’s such a big change for him that he can’t ever accept them outright.

Another piece of evidence comes from Spiderverse. When Miles doesn’t do what he’s told it pisses Miguel off. Miguel in the movie doesn’t like going off the plan. He’s very straightforward. He’s not the type of guy to improvise on the spot. He takes time to plan. And when things goes off course, he doesn’t like that.

4. Miguel is overly sarcastic.

Autistic people are either overly sarcastic, don’t understand sarcasm at all, or are a mixture of both. For me, I think Miguel is a mixture.

One of Miguel’s defining character traits is that he is extremely sarcastic. To the point where he could be telling the truth and nobody believes him (Like Gabe in issue 2 where Miguel just outright tells him he’s grown fangs). This can also tie into the fucking up communication part, because his overly sarcastic tone could come off as unintentionally offensive or rude (Except to Tyler Stone, where he’s just mean to him because he’s a asshole)

Miguel also has trouble picking up sarcasm too, though it doesn’t happen nearly as often. For example, in Shattered Dimensions Miguel is fighting a Hobgoblin clone when Miguel asks where he got nanofiber. Hobgoblin responds in a sarcastic tone, to which Miguel responds with “Yeah that’s why I asked”

5. Sensory issues

This is definitely more of a side effect of Miguel’s powers than actual autistic traits in him, but I still wanna talk about it.

Miguel’s powers include enhanced eyesight, which means he’s more sensitive to light as well. Which is why he wears his sunglasses. It’s not just to hide his red eyes, they help him with his light sensitivity.

Miguels fangs could also be an obstacle for eating too. Since they produce venom, he has to be careful what he eats and also how he eats because one wrong bite and he could be a dose of yucky venom in his mouth. So it’s possible he has sensory issues with food too. Maybe even touch if his talons effect how he can touch things.

6. He has trouble showing emotion

This is really shown in Spiderverse where he mostly just keeps a resting bitch face the entire time. I don’t think he doesn’t want to show emotion, he just has trouble showing it. We can see that he does show emotion, but it’s only under extreme circumstances. For the most part he just looks emotionless.

That’s about it from me! Miguel is a really complex character and as a autistic person he’s a character I relate to a lot, especially now since I’m also undergoing a major change in life (Going to college). He’s just a really special character to me and I will gladly infodump about him whenever I get the chance to.

Oh and also

Bonus: He does this

(This is from Dark Tomorrow)

He just walked out of the conversation like dude why did you do that 💀💀💀

#this is mostly me either projecting or infodumping lol #I really like this character ok #miguel o'hara #spiderman 2099 #marvel comics #snorlax rambles

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lexyscross · 10 months

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Kirsch family headcanons! 💕

Since Radio Silence wanna play tricky, let’s just say that their first names are all the same, and their family name is Kirsch. I’m also assuming their personalities were all genuine and not just acts they put on. (Though I’m not entirely sold on Ethan; I think his Shy Awkward Bean personality could’ve been an act.)

I’m going to leave assumptions about the mom out of this. Did she die earlier? Did they kill her? Were they divorced? WHATEVER YOU WANT! I’m not dealing with that mess! But she is mentioned here, to an extent.

Okay? Let’s go!

This. (I can also see Quinn being 1-2 years older than Ethan, but since it’s my original hc, I’m going with them being twins for this.)

Richie’s, Quinn’s, and Ethan’s nicknames from their parents as babies/little kids were “Buddy,” “Pretty Girl,” and “Pookie Bear,” respectively. (And they still fit the vibes when they grew up. 🥺)

The twins learned how to ride bikes at 5 or 6 years old. Quinn, with all of her boldness and confidence, took to it easily, but Ethan (having seen Quinn fall a couple of times, but get right back up) was scared. Quinn teased him for it, telling him to stop being a baby. Richie encouraged him, telling him that he wouldn’t let him fall and holding on at first until Ethan felt safe enough for Richie to let go.

They are absolutely one of those families that wear matching Christmas pajamas.

Wayne often worked late (obviously, he’s a detective), and their mother had... some career that required her to work late every now and then, so Richie sometimes had to babysit Quinn and Ethan. Whenever this happened, they would have a Stab marathon (even though their parents told him not to show the kids those movies). Quinn liked them almost immediately; for Ethan, it took 2 or 3 marathons for him to warm up to them.

Richie and Ethan are both autistic, but only Richie was diagnosed because with him it was more “apparent,” with his hyperfixations and all. Everyone just thought Ethan was shy and sensitive. This contributed to Wayne’s spoiling of Richie’s Stab obsession; he wanted to be supportive of his son’s interest (even though his wife told him it was unhealthy to indulge such a morbid fascination), but he took it too far. 🥺

Quinn has ADHD. She wasn’t diagnosed until she was 17.

Being that he’s 7 years older than them, Quinn and Ethan sort of hero worshipped Richie.

Richie loved his baby siblings, and he’d stab a bitch for them, but he was also constantly annoyed by them and how much they wanted to be around him. And they were often trying to get into his YouTube videos, trying to jump in view of the camera (especially Quinn), which drove him nuts. (”MOM! DAD! MAKE THEM GET OUT OF MY ROOM!”)

The kids sometimes helped Richie with his fan-films. But Richie was very... fastidious when it came to his art, so he wouldn’t really let them do much; it was more like letting them hand him props and stuff like that. But once they got older, he allowed them to actually be in the movies... as victims, of course.

Ethan liked looking over Richie’s shoulder (to Richie’s annoyance) while he’d draw. It started out as a baby brother shadowing his big brother, but eventually he started liking the violence and the gore of it.

They’re all so protective of each other, but Richie and Quinn also low-key bully Ethan; he’s the shy one, and the baby of the family, so of course they do. (🖤)

Once, when Richie was 13 and Ethan was 6, Richie play-smacked Ethan on the head just a bit too hard; Ethan starts WAILING, full screaming sobs, and Richie panics, not wanting to get in trouble. He starts trying to shush Ethan and rubs his head, “Shh, shh, stop crying. You’re okay! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, stop crying!!” He lost his Stab privileges for a week.

Cute childhood pictures of little Richie holding his baby siblings. 🥺 Like if you feel like chewing on glass. 🙂

When they were 7, some kid pushed Ethan on the playground at school and was picking on him, so Quinn jumped on this kid and started decking him. A teacher pulled her off of him, called the parents, and Wayne had to come to the school. Quinn told him what happened, and said, “Daddy, you say we have to look out for each other.” He acted upset with her in front of the principal and fake lectured her, but once they got to the car, he told her, “That’s my girl!” No one fucks with their family.

When Quinn and Ethan were born, Quinn (being the elder twin) screamed until Ethan was finally out and their mother held them together. She has always been a protective sister!

All of them were upset when Richie told them he was moving to California (they’re from the Midwest, so that’s way across the country), but Quinn especially, who yelled at him and then stomped up to her room, slamming the door shut. Ethan just sat on the couch, pouting with his arms crossed, saying nothing. (Richie, of course, knew why he was going, but he couldn’t give them an answer other than that he wanted to, which is probably what hurt the most. It felt like he was just abandoning the family; that he had his own life now and was ready to move on from them.)

Once Richie moved to California, he FaceTimed/Skyped/whatever with them all of the time. Like, almost every day. They certainly texted daily. A lot of memes and stuff like that, especially between Quinn and Richie.

I don’t even- ...I don’t even know how to describe what it was like when they got the news that Richie was murdered and was involved in a killing spree in California. It was... it was sad is all I know. I imagine they were all home together when they got the news. They were definitely breaking down, mixed with denial. Wayne fell to the floor and sobbed once it hit him; his first baby was gone. Quinn practically had a panic attack right then; in fact, she probably did. And Ethan simply shut down; he just stood there against the wall for about 10 minutes, wordless, showing no reaction, staring at nothing, likely in a state of shock.

Ethan had a bit of a Roman Roy moment at Richie’s funeral. If you know, you know.

Wayne was so deep in his grief that the kids (more so Quinn, the Eldest Daughter™/now Eldest Child™) had to start taking care of him, making sure that he ate and got some sleep.

Quinn and Ethan saw the pictures that Wayne saw of Richie. I have varying theories about this that I enjoy, but all I know is that they saw those pictures. Did Wayne show them the pictures to motivate them? I like to think he tried to keep them from seeing them, but the man was so far gone in his devastation that who’s to say?

Wayne was so sleep-deprived that, when Ethan came to visit him in his office (home office, not at work) before bed one night, standing in the doorway, Wayne accidently called him Richie before realizing and correcting his mistake. He apologized, and Ethan just said it was okay. He wanted to be upset, but he knew it was a simple sleep-deprived mistake; he also knew that it had to be hard for his father to look at him and not see his first son.

On Richie’s first birthday after his death (which would also end up being the only one they’d be alive for), they “celebrated” with a small chocolate cake (his favorite) and blew out the candles together. 🥺

That’s all for now! This took me, like, 3 months to finish. 😩

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