#afraid of being alone

[littleoldpessimistme]

20230525

One of the hardest things for me that I have struggled my whole life with and probably will for a long time is loneliness and I’m fine with that fact most of the time, but lately it’s been on my mind a lot.

This sounds really lame and pitiful but the thing is: I’m not alone. I have friends, wonderful ones, and I’m also pretty close with my family (at least my dad’s side, haven’t really talked to my mother in the last 6 years) so I do have people in my corner.

But sometimes I just get this overwhelming feeling of sadness and anxiety that this isn’t gonna last forever and I already sometimes feel like they don’t care as much about me as I care about them.

Basically I have this feeling that all my friends are eventually gonna find partners, settle down with them and start their own life and I’m not gonna be important to them anymore.

I have a wonderful friend. We’ve known each other since we were 10, we were classmates all through high school as well and also best friends. We had a short period when we didn’t talk as much because we used to have the same group of friends but it was kind of toxic (as groups of high school girls sometimes unfortunately are) so I started hanging out with other friends but this girl stayed in that group (we’ve had multiple conversations about this since then and they were actively ruining her life as well lol) so we just kind of stopped talking for a hot second. In the last year of high school we slowly started to talk to each other again and it turned out that she wanted to go to the same university as me and we decided to be roommates.

Two years have passed since then and I feel like we managed to form such a beautiful bond and although neither one of us is really one for displays of affection (we even joke about this sometimes, that we’ve known each other for more than half our lifetime and we’ve only ever hugged each other like a couple times) I really cherish her presence in my life. We just click so well, I don’t think we’ve ever had an argument since we moved in (and I feel like that’s a telling thing, because living together with someone comes with a lot of compromises and is a big milestone in any relationship it’s normal to have some bumps in the road). I sometimes think that I could live my whole life like this just existing in a shared little two bedroom apartment, watching movies on her bed, having deep converastions at midnight when we have to wake up early the next morning, going grocery shopping together, sitting in our tiny kitchen having dinner and laughing until we can’t breathe just like we always do.

I always hated those questions when they ask you to describe how you imagine yourself in five years because I genuinely don’t know what to say. I never had any sense of what I want from the limited time I get to experience on this earth. The only way I could ever imagine being content is to spend my whole life in my childhood bedroom surrounded by my books and blankets and just being left alone, because I’m so incredibly terrified of the responsibilites of adulthood and life and human interactions. But I feel like living with her the way we’re living right now would make me happy. I would go as far as to call her a platonic soulmate.

I know that sounds incredibly cheesy and domestic and honestly kinda like I’m in love with her, but I have no romantic feeling for her at all, it’s just that my platonic feelings are so deep, that they scare even me sometimes. Especially when they come with feelings of jealousy. She has a fiancé, they’re gonna get married next year if everything goes well and I’m truly happy for them. He’s a great guy, we used to be classmates as well, they’ve been dating since the start of high school and they are just so meant to be.

And I feel like such a terrible person for being jealous of him. He’s studying in a different city but every once in a while he visits us, and I see how they are with each other and it always leaves me with such a bitter feeling because I can clearly see that he is to her what she is to me. They are each other’s soulmates, and it’s so stupid but that hurts me so much, the fact that I’ll never be as much of a central person in her life as she is in mine. That I’m not her soulmate.

And I know that I’m being extremely childish and it’s not like people can’t have multiple people they care deeply about but I just feel like people favour romantic relationships way more than friendships and I don’t know if I’ll ever have a romantic partner because that’s just not really someting that I find all that appealing (I may or may not be on the aroace spectrum). I don’t want kisses and dates and lovey-dovey words and sex, I just want someone to be there for me all the time, like a super best friend, someone who also thinks about me as their soulmate, and not just the other way around.

And I know that my friends love me I just can’t help but feel overwhelmingly hopeless sometimes.

#aroace spectrum #asexual #aromantic #mental health struggles #kinda lonely #long post #vent #sideblog #d3pression #angst #can anybody find me somebody to be my platonic soulmate #afraid of being alone #i wrote this at midnight #possible typos #i should be sleeping #or studying for my exams #but instead i'm having an existential crisis #just a normal thursday night

[leftovermemoriesofanotherlife]

I never told you this, but sometimes

I just sit there and imagine all the little scenarios of us in my head.

Basic things like watching movies, cuddling, doing late night food runs, have deep conversations, and taking random trips. I just miss you and want to be with you.

#hopless romantic #afraid of being alone #am i losing it?

[feelheard]

Why are you Afraid of Being Alone?

Many people are Afraid of Being Alone, but there is no need to be! There are plenty of things to do when you are by yourself. You can read, listen to music, watch TV, or even go outside and explore your neighborhood. Read more here to know more.

#Afraid of Being Alone #Being Alone #Feel Heard #feeling alone #Feeling isolated

[wafflesex]

Floyd in Jade’s lab SR: You suddenly got all silent and froze and it scared me. What’s wrong?

Floyd in Playful Land event: It’s creepy when Jade is quiet…

Jade may be full of nonsense 90% of the time according to Floyd, but the twins (and Azul) are always chatty with each other, especially when sharing stories of their fun experiences, so to not have his brother talking to him must be unsettling.

Famously, Floyd’s unafraid of a lot of things.

But Jade’s silence seems to genuinely scare him.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst spoilers #floyd leech #jade leech #tweels #stage in playful land #playful land event #character analysis #one of these days I want the tweels to be genuinely worried about losing each other #like I know the sea is dangerous #but even an apex predator has something to be afraid of #and that’s being alone at the top #just a crumb of fear I beg of you Yana

[jedi-enthusiast]

Vague Obi-Wan lore from Bloodshed, Crimson Clover shitpost:

-----

Obi-Wan, eyes glowing, in an empty room: *talking in some ancient language no one can understand*

Some Random Jedi: ...is that not...concerning?

Qui-Gon: Last night I caught him floating on the ceiling and chanting ritualistically. When I asked what he was doing he told me that Master Katri was teaching him an old Je'daii mantra...so I consider this an improvement.

Some Random Jedi: ...isn't she dead?

Qui-Gon: Yes, which is why I will not be asking again.

BONUS:

Dooku, who literally just wants to eat and go to bed: *walks into his Temple quarters*

Obi-Wan:

Ḩ̸̡̬̝̰̤̺̜͎̩̾͆̏̿̔̐̈́ȩ̸̨̛̫̟̟͕̲̭̻̖̘̘̀͊͂̕͜͝ͅl̴̛̞̘͙̲̪̭̟͓̳̳̟̀ĺ̶̛͎̲̩͔̋̋̎̇͐̿̏̽̍͒̍̎͝ȍ̸̱͚̮̤̩͖̰̣̔͗̾̍̏̆ ̶̡̛̠̞̝̻̖͔̜̫̈́͜M̷̧̗̜͕̘͈͙̠̜̼̔͊̎͋̓́̒ͅa̴̺̜̫̻̠̻̭̯͉̣͖̮̠͒ͅş̷̘͓͔̟͎̈́́̉t̷̩͔͓̳̠͛̆̄͂̓̏͝��̩͇̖͈̯̰e̸̱̜̾r̴̛͍͙ ̸̛̟̞̠̺͓̙̩͒̍͝Ḋ̵̛̼̯̘̗̖͗͌̃͋̿͝o̸̢͕̜̭͎̫̙͌́̿͊̈͛ͅo̵̹̼͚̻̫͓̻̳̻̭̳̐̅̉͑͆̊͂̔k̶̡̨̳͓͎͖͉͔̟̹̪̼̣̎̈̈́̇̒̈́͌̀̀̌̿̑͘ū̶̬͎̀͒̊͑̽̀͘͝

Dooku, backing out the door: Nope...nope...not tonight...I'll room with Qui-Gon...just...hell no...

The real reason he was so ready to stab Obi-Wan in AotC

#the concept of baby Obi-Wan being the anti-christ as a child is hilarious to me #literally the only one who isn't off put by this is Yoda #everyone else is like “I love this boy but I'm now afraid of walking into dark rooms alone” #Mace: “I swear Qui-Gon had something to do with this” #Mace: “Obi-Wan was not an eldritch horror when I found him” #Qui-Gon: “I SWEAR I DIDNT DO ANYTHING THIS TIME” #Qui-Gon: “HES JUST LIKE THAT” #ao3 fanfic #codywan fanfic #codywan #fanfic #star wars #the clone wars #pro jedi #sw prequels #obi wan kenobi #mace windu #qui gon jinn #yoda #count dooku #jedi enthusiast's fanfics

[dykealloy]

i keep going back to this moment. obviously there's the palpable devotion from zoro towards luffy which is all very insane, elicits the urge to chew through drywall etc etc. but I can't help but get caught on the way this is phrased. suggesting maybe zoro isn't the only one mihawk is talking about here. as in, I'm getting opla shuggy rant energy, i.e.

which is about as blatant and transparent as it gets in terms of the older wiser figure with a connection to shanks speaking about his own experiences (under the weak veil of this being about Luffy). but back to mihawk talking about zoro whilst also talking about himself. I'm having to extrapolate a fair bit here given my limited knowledge of his history, but here's what we do know - mihawk never belonged to a crew, was a "rival" of shanks before he "lost interest" in killing him at some point after he lost his arm ("it's always for the sake of another" - given how powerful shanks still is at this point - one of the four emperors - i'd like to think there's something more to this).

when zoro falls to his blade outside the Baratie and he tells luffy "that's a more treacherous path than even mine" after hearing his main goal is to become king of the pirates, do you think perhaps there's a chance he's projecting some old buried anxiety/fear from his youth about the thought of facing shanks, standing by his side and falling. It's giving "I am not worthy until I prove I'm the best", which if true, was followed after many years by "Now I am the best and it's hollow and empty and I regret all those days I could have had with you".

luffy gave zoro direction - a greater purpose and a family. luffy enables his aspirations, but he also provides zoro the freedom to have something more than just this obsessive structure where the only thing that matters is becoming top dog - something beyond years and years of endless relentless training fueled in part by his loyalty to kuina but also the grief of her loss. without luffy, zoro could very likely have followed mihawk's path, something @joyish-little-boy pointed out in one of @assiraphales' posts.

despite being recognised by the world at large as the greatest swordsman alive, and supposedly having achieved all there is for him to strive for, mihawk has never struck me as a man awfully satisfied with where he is.

#mihawk looking zoro straight in the eyes: i know how to manipulate you. fellow fag. #buggy getting distracting midway through his villain monologue and wistfully staring into space: i hate him. i miss him. #mishanks #shuggy #zolu #anyway. do you think zoro telling mihawk that 'the only thing luffy's afraid of is being alone' resonated with mihawk. #do you think it fucked him up? #i think maybe so. #one piece #op #opla #CJ's op watch-through #dracule mihawk #red haired shanks #buggy the clown #zoro #op meta #op analysis

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

obviously hanguang-jun would wear sports bras…. right?

Wei Wuxian failed his perception and insight check rolls.

#ask #poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #Flirting works differently when you are Neurodiverse. You need to be told directly or its Not A Thing. (this is a ADHD wwx household) #call that...taking the Initiative.... #He is just trying to be polite but also still stuck on a very specific idea of who lwj is. #'He can't be flirting with me - Lan Zhan would combust if he had a single gay thought!'. #combined with: 'I think I might have a little bit of a crush on lwj but it could just be a desire for closer friendship'. #And now we have a recipe for trying to take on the burden of 'protecting someone' from your feelings #when its really just a problem with communication and being afraid of your own feelings + feeling as if you need to handle it alone. #Which we all know is wwx's major flaw. Call that *~*~Character consistency*~*~ #Anyways - your art gave me a much needed laugh today B*) thank you very much (also whoops I didn't realize I wasn't following you until now

[breegadey]

i see... i see...

#gang i'm afraid lord-of-the-dungeon! marcille could never bring herself to ressurrct falin #she'd be too scared of what falin would think of her #and petrified at the idea that she would pull a delgal on her and try to leave the dungeon #nooo don't trap your loved ones in a gilded prison because you're terrified of being alone haha you're so sexy #marcille-thistle paralels are so yummy #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #delicious in dungeon #delicious in dungeon spoilers #falin touden #marcille touden #delgal #thistle #posted

[ingravinoveritas]

How did u feel with the age gap question was it pr or do u really think he meant it and this was the truth

This is referring to the question asked on The Assembly last night. I'll post the clip here, for those who haven't seen it yet:

A lot of what I felt while watching this was touched on in this incredibly thoughtful post from @body-face-words, so I encourage folks to give that a read. But I think for me, when it comes to Michael's answer, it's not a matter of whether he lied or told the truth. It's that his response was sweet, but it was also a version of the truth that sounded convincing because it needed to, because this was not a time or place where he could say what he actually felt.

I'm really not sure what people expected him to say, in all honesty, as he was never going to say anything that would make him or Anna look bad, and especially not anything that could potentially negatively impact the kids, so he instead gave a very perfect PR answer. This again does not come as a surprise because we know Michael has scripted his answers about AL/their relationship in the past, but I noticed how careful he was in his response, which seems to contrast with how off-the-cuff he normally is when discussing every other subject. Part of what so many of us love about Michael is how unfiltered he is and always has been, with the exception of how much he filters and edits himself when talking about Anna.

It also seemed like, at least from my perspective, that Michael answered the question without answering the question. What the girl asked wasn't so much about the age gap, but about AL being five years older than Michael's daughter Lily, and it would've been a perfect opportunity for him to mention her, or how the relationship with AL affected his and Lily's relationship. He could've talked about the falling out he had with her (and Kate) in 2019 once AL's existence/pregnancy came to light, and what has happened in the years since, or how Lily now gets along with Anna/her half-sisters. But instead Michael deflected from all of that and talked about everything while saying nothing at the same time.

It was also the things Michael didn't say that stood out as much as the things he did. In the entire answer to the question, Michael never once used the word "love." Prior to the show airing, I saw a lot of people online confident that he would say that he loves Anna, but he never did. He never praised her, never talked about the things he loves about her, or how glad he is to be with her. He never once mentioned her by name. The pivot and focus was on the kids, and there was a clear distinction made between how happy he is to have the family he does, rather than to be in the relationship that he is in. Michael's use of the phrase "very happy" was also identical to the wording of a comment AL wrote on Instagram the other day, which added to the whole "reinforcing a public narrative" feeling of his response.

I think what struck me most of all, though, was how somber and heavyhearted Michael sounded while saying how happy he is. It reminded me of the song "I Am a Rock" by Simon & Garfunkel, where the upbeat and cheerful music contrasts starkly with the fraught, angry lyrics. There was no sparkle in Michael's eyes when he said it, no enthusiasm for what he was saying (which is particularly jarring when we know Michael has the capacity for incredible enthusiasm), and his face never lit up while he was talking.

There was one specific moment (which is also highlighted in the body language post) where he seemed to visibly wince and the micro-expressions were in overdrive, and it immediately made me think of a moment from Good Omens:

Time and again, I have seen fans talk about Michael's micro-expressions as an actor and how he uses them to such devastating effect (especially in the role of Aziraphale). And while these two moments are not completely identical, the idea of ignoring how Michael uses those same micro-expressions in real life makes no sense to me at all. In this instance, what we're seeing could be either because he has put so much of himself into Aziraphale that we can now recognize those "Michael" moments...or it could be because in both clips he is performing, albeit for different reasons.

The difference between Michael when he is doing this vs. when he is being genuinely himself is made even more apparent by the question immediately following this one. Unprompted, he brings up David, and the change in his expression and demeanor is swift and dramatic:

Having the mention of David happen so soon after the AL question seemed to highlight so many things. I can't help but feel that David is a security blanket for Michael, something he hides behind when he is feeling anxious or sad or overwhelmed. I wondered if perhaps he was even already thinking of David while answering the AL question, which would explain why he named him so readily--as if his mind needed to drift to someplace else just to finish answering that question.

To me, this made it abundantly clear that David is Michael's safe place. Here was where we saw Michael's eyes sparkling. Here was where we saw him light up from the inside. And it was David he kept returning to and bringing up during the rest of the show in response to other questions. So if that doesn't speak volumes about where Michael's heart seems to be, I'm not sure what does.

So yes, those are my thoughts on Michael answering the age gap question on The Assembly. As always, this is just my interpretation, but I am glad to hear from my followers with your take as well. Thanks for writing in! x

#angel19924 #reply post #michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #david tennant #soft scottish hipster gigolo #the assembly #michael is a talented actor #but he can't hide his true feelings as himself #the only other time AL came up as well was when one of the interviewers said his mother likes Michael #and Michael said 'Don't tell Anna' as mirthlessly as possible #also the way he talked about being afraid of being alone broke my heart #it made me think of how you can be with someone and still feel totally alone #but i will leave it to my followers to make up their own minds #i'm feeling a lot of feelings #and will soon answer another Ask I have waiting about the show #anna lundberg #relationships #discourse #gifs by me

[thelesbianluthor]

MANGA SPOILERS!

The way dunmeshi gave us a fight with lethal rabbits where marcille had to necromance her friends and the dead rabbits and showed it in their usual silly way and then hit us with marcille surrounded by the bodies of her team having to face her worst fear once again left alone in a sea of death a constant reminded of what her future is supposed to be.

#she is so desperately afraid of being left alone #the curse of living longer than anyone she will ever love bc of being an half elf #she breaks my heart #she is so silly and then you see how terrified she is #also the fact that even though she IS scared of losing her loved ones to time she still inevitably loves so much #she doesn't refuse to care to protect her heart #she keeps loving so fiercely she is ready to break rules to bring her people back and keep them safe #and she tirelessly fights to achieve her dream bc she loves so deeply #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #dunmeshi #marcille donato #dunmeshi spoilers

[demigods-posts]

no, i'm fine. i promise. it's just that annabeth's fatal flaw is hubris because she spent the majority of her life believing she had to earn love and respect, so she tells herself she's the best and works to make it true so she feels worthy. but i'm fine.

#annabeth #my girl #her desire to prove herself is so deeply rooted into all that she's excelled in #you ever wonder if she feels like a fraud? #like all that people love her for is only what she's carefully craftedm #she's so deeply tangle in all that she portrays but never is #and she feels like she can't undo it #because she's afraid of being alone again #but yeah anyways #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo text post #pjo #pjo headcanon #annabeth chase #annabeth angst #we stan annabeth unconditionally #we love annabeth unconditionally #i'll fight you myself #i've never held a sword but i'll bleed for this girl #don't try me

[qsmpcryptid]

Sunnys vocal patterns are so so so cute also it really illustrates how she kinda stakes claims on people "MY pa" "MY pop" "MY sister Pomme" "MY mustache boy" they're all HERS

#shes afraid of being alone I think #if she calls someone mine that means that they are HERS and they can't leave because they're HERS #anyway love sunny shes a cutie #qsmp #qsmp sunny

[snowflake-sage]

Standing in the kitchen at 3am with your dog barking at you and your friend barking at you over the phone is kind of a core memory

#get you a friend that stays on the line all night bc you hate being alone in the house at night #I’m watching the house for a few days bc my mom and grandma are on vacay #I’m not anxious or afraid I just feel uncomfortable being alone for so long #like I’m fine I can handle it I just dislike it #sceppy was the one barking at me #we literally fell asleep over discord call #fucking love him #he also barked at me #art #doodle #drawing #furry #furryart #fursona #digital art #furry fandom #furry art #furry anthro #mae rambles

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it's all about care, in the end. My cat is curled up on the bed I made for her, and the yarn used was made by people I never met, and the machines that they operated were invented by people who are perhaps long-dead. The electricity that courses through the veins of those machines were maintained in ways I never have witnessed, and it's about care, and pain, and care again. It's always going to be about care and community. Nothing that is built without that in the forefront of its mind will ever hope to live forever - only we will, and our care will. The only thing that will remain immortal - even with the pain even immense - is our care.

It's about care. It's about curling up on a warm blanket made by somebody who loved you enough to want you to be warm, and there won't be a shortage of that kind of care and love - it isn't a finite resource.

#positivity #we are not an island #we were not born alone - we won't have to die alone #the idea that you can survive alone is part of how you are alienated from not only the world but from yourself #will anybody who made this yarn know that it is warming the best friend love of my life #will they know how much she loves this blanket when she is cold and weary? will they know the love that went into the blanket? #will they know that their labour went to something soft even when they themselves didn't get that treatment all the time? #it does sometimes make me sad to know i will never be able to prove to the people who have done so much that they aren't unnoticed #maybe it's hubris or maybe it's being afraid that purposelessness is pervasive and seemingly unavoidable in a world that often devalues... #...who and what you are

[arthursfuckinghat]

Out of all the things that can happen in rdr2, none of them have creeped me out as much as these

#I feel like I'm being watched and I am afraid #I go past that tunnel all the time doing the jewellery glitch so it freaked me the fuck out that it's so close #and the rock too #that whole trail of blood just to turn the corner and see a corpse #fuck man #I got jumped so many times today by lemoyne raiders and bounty hunters and o'driscolls like just leave me alone guys #I'm down nearly 700$ because of my stupidity arthur how do you put up with me #sigh #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #mick squeaks #arthur morgan #liveblogging #cw: gore #cw blood #lloyd my horse

[tomhiddleston-loki]

Me right now 🥺 I can't stop thinking about Loki

#lokiedit #he was left alone without his friends #he was afraid of being alone #Thanks Marvel #now it will be difficult for me to resign myself to the fact that Loki will never have a happy ending. #but I am hopeful that we will see him again. #thor odinson