#abc lost imagine

[fandom-imagination-ss]

Imagine: Sayid realizing he cares for you

“THAT’S NOT HOW IT GOES!” you were screaming at Charlie as he was using the homemade baboon stick that you carefully created to be a Hockey stick. which. was a very basically just a stick. but you also knew. it didn’t matter. but Charlie was using the stick to hit Harley. you laughed as Claire was not far off feeding Charlie. you hated Golf- and you weren’t a huge fan of Hockey but it was your homeland’s game. and after being abandoned on an island for weeks. you were homesick and hockey reminded you of your brothers. and how they would tackle you on the pond outside your house. and how you learned to skate before you could walk. Hockey was imprinted into your soul. even if you couldn’t stand watching a game. 

It was a rare day that Jack, Kate, and Sawyer were gone. and Kate was left at the beach. Sayid was watching from a distance. as the hockey game turned into a sword fight between you, Charlie, and Hurley. Since landing on this horrible Island Sayid always took extra attention to you. he would help you whenever he could. those who didn’t need much help you were strong and figured out how to make a decent enough shelter and you had a good method to collect firewood in the morning and were helpful to the other stranded. Like Hurley Everyone adored you. Sawyer Once called you a “Princess’ which you suckered pouched him into correcting you were a Queen Not a Princess. you were Soft as a marshmallow but you weren’t weak. and that’s what Sayid loved about you. you were a consent light at camp. Even after the crash, you waited to cry until After everyone was Safe and you were alone. Sayid walked in on your crying but he left you alone not wanting to overstep. Or when Boone died. you helped Sharone and were a Rock. until you didn’t need to be. Sayid almost lost it when you and Clarie were taken for four weeks. 

Everyone has convinced the others killed you and Claire. But when they saved you. you were covered in bruises and claire said you fought every day to get them back. Sayid seeing you covered in bruises was convinced that would break your light. that the sunshine that shined in you. would be destroyed but you woke the next morning and you shinned even brighter. It amazed Sayid that you could be Prue-hearted even after all that has happened. But had No problem telling Sawyer or Jack to stuff their macho act down their throats and that you weren’t doing anything you didn’t want to do. 

Sayid’s mind went back to when you discovered his past. how Everyone reacted. they were scared of him and wanted him out of the camp. you found him instantly asking how he was doing. he was stunned you could show compassion to him. you pulled him into a hug saying they forget different countries’ different rules. you pulled back from him stunned saying people forget that sometimes people have to do horrible things. because they have no choice. because their country doesn’t have Freedom. that threw him to a curve and since then. Sayid has been spinning whenever he saw you. 

“you know. I think Hurley likes her.” 

Sayid turned to Claire as she walked over and sat down to look at the scene. the three of you now we’re acting like children. which made a smile creep onto Sayid’s mouth. Claire has noticed- the Entire camp has noticed Sayid’s big Doe eyes for you. Even the others who were Still watching from afar realized that you would be he’s spot point. if they ever had to torment or Hurt him. get you. Everyone on the island Knew! well- expect you. you figured if anyone had a crush on anyone it was Sayid with Kate.

“They would be perfect today,” Sayid commented watching the scene going. you were now trying to teach them again how to play Hockey. as Claire spoke, “I don’t know- I think you and her would be better.” Sayid turned to his friend as she smiled, “tell her.” 

“She is too good for me.’ 

Just then they heard a Roar. a loud Roar.. the polar bears. Charlie Dashed over to Claire and the baby. while hurley jumped as Kate and Sayid dashed down the hill closer to their friends on the beach as Sayid put himself in front of the you grabbing your stick fast to defend them. then Nothing. the bear didnt’ show up, it didn’t growl again nothing. you gripped Sayid’s shoulder, “jesus- we got to kill that bear!” 

Everyone on the island wanted to steer clear from the bear. you and Sawyer were the only two who wanted to Kill it. Sawyer for the pride and glory of killing a bear. you wanted to kill it for the Meat and for his fur. the fur would keep you warm at night. A Science teacher on the island suggested the bear probably had some chemicals in it. and it would be deadly. after eating Just fish basically for three months. you were willing to be a test dummy. But two people. With One Hand gun. Not enough gun power to go after a bear.

“do you even know how to Skin and make it a rug?” 

“Between me and Lock we could figure out how to Dry it properly. i think it hangs to dry for like a month and you put a lacker or something on it.” 

“Do you have the lacker?” Sayid’s voice was teasing as you rolled your eyes, “we could figure it out! your Smart. Lock is A Island Guru. between the three of us we could figure it out. Just imagine. when it’s freezing at Night. we curl up under a nice fur blanket.” 

Sayid’s mind instantly went to that image. holding you as you both slept under the fur. but his mind instantly went to kissing your shoulder and the activies changing. he has pulled away from that dream. when Hurley said why would they get the Bear fur. 

“If I’m Risking my life. I’m not passing around the fur. Sawyer would get it once and never return it.” 

Hurley rolled his eyes as Kat reminded everyone we weren’t going after the bear. the party spilt up after Claire said the baby needed a nap, so they walked off. and Kate took Hurley with her to leave you both alone. you picked up the sticks as Sayid asked how it was going teaching them. hockey. 

“It’s Not that hard of a game.. I don’t understand why they aren’t getting it. Sawyer and Jack would kill each other with this game.” he chuckled seeing that would probably happen. you turned to Sayid shaking your head, “i truthfully hate the game but it reminds me of home.. and the cold- my brothers” 

“you will see them again. i swear.” you nodded your head you sat down as Sayid followed as you looked at the sea. ‘in school, we read this book. about a girl and a dolphin she was young when she was on a boat that crashed and she ended up on a island by herself for years. when she was saved she couldn’t comform back into society. It be weird going back to my home. Back to my bed and waking up and Not looking over at your camp site to see if your moving for the day yet.” 

“you look at my campsite why?” 

you smiled shaking your head, “remember when we first saw the smoke we were in the woods alone. finding vines. and food. and that smoke appeared you didn’t hesitate to use your body to shield me. I know you would do that to everyone here. but it’s- Jack is the leader- everyone has a role in our little society but you.. I do know. I feel better Knowing if your up or Not.. it’s weird..” 

you laughed trying to forget about this conversation, anything would be better. your heart was beating fast as he spoke, ‘I look over at your camp before I go into bed. normally you are already in a deep sleep. snoring.” you laughed at that as he chuckled as he spoke, ‘I don’t go to my bed until I know your safe in yours.’ you smiled nudging him weakly as you felt yourself rest your head on his shoulder, he smiled feeling it as he spoke, “if your- Cold at night.. we can combine our campsites.

chuckling softly you spoke “first people wine and Dine before moving in together.”  Sayid chuckled as he spoke, ‘Saving us some time..” you chuckled as he grabbed your hand softly lacing your fingers together as he spoke, ‘I will do whatever your comfortable with.” 

“Oh dangerous statement I could want it all. the whole nine yards.” Sayid chuckled softly saying that was perfectly fine with him.” you smiled brightly as you spoke, ‘be safer.. and warmer.. moving in together.” he chuckled saying  

“I love you.” 

you smiled brightly reaching up kissing his hceek, “about time you noticed me.” 

#abc lost #lost #abc lost imagine #lost imagine #sayid jarrah #sayid jarrah imagine #fandom imagine #imagine #fandom

[watchyourbuck]

Inspiration Sunday | A.R.C.A.N.E.3

“You okay?” Buck asked, turning his body and wincing at the pain of resting his head on his hand.

Eddie sighed, hiding his face in his own. “Yeah, I’m just… jumpy.” He sighed again. Buck frowned, reincorporating a little bit. “I keep thinking what could’ve happened to you out there.”

“Eddie, I’m fine,” he mumbled patiently. “I’m not defenseless, I know how to use our weapons.”

From across the room, Eddie scoffed, then cleared his throat. “It’s not about you being damn good with that machete, which I know you are,” he said, watching Buck nod in agreement. “It’s about the fact that you- it’s like you think this Camp could go on without you.”

Silence.

“…That I could go on without you.”

Read on ao3

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

tagged for 7ss & inspo saturday by @hoodie-buck @exhuastedpigeon @disasterbuckdiaz @smilingbuckley @wikiangela @diazsdimples @tizniz @steadfastsaturnsrings @theotherbuckley & @daffi-990 thank you my loves! I’ll get to your works asap🧚🏼‍♀️

tagging in return @lover-of-mine @wildlife4life @hippolotamus @spagheddiediaz @malewifediaz @puppyboybuckley @bigfootsmom @911-on-abc @eowon @jesuisici33 @monsterrae1 @honestlydarkprincess @honestlyeddie @fortheloveofbuddie @kitteneddiediaz @eddiebabygirldiaz @eddie---diaz @bucksbackwardcap @loserdiaz @buckleyobsessed @tsunamibuckley @bucksbirthmark @singlethread @cal-daisies-and-briars @butraura @fionaswhvre @thewolvesof1998 @nmcggg @giddyupbuck @devirnis @spotsandsocks @urfactual & @eddiiediaz

#I’ve been so absent this week bc I literally lost all my writing beans #thankfully now im getting them back lmao so #I decided to do a lil mashup of the weekend tag games #and make this cute lil moodboard I’ve had in my head for a while #plus a snippet from an already posted chapter #also this is how I imagine arcane to be #buddie #911 fox #911 #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 tv show #evan buck buckley #buck x eddie #buck and eddie #911 abc #911 on abc #buddie fic #buddie fanfic #buddie fanfiction

[panikkar]

thinking about how the three of the biggest relationships in bucks life are pretty significantly tied to helicopters/helicopter crashes,,, (partially inspired by this post by @maygrcnt)

taylor kelly: met her when her news helicopter crash. not the first person he seriously dated but definitely is the most serious romantic relationship he had yknow. can’t forget the whole couch metaphor arc.

eddie: i mean it’s pretty self explanatory but eddie’s helicopter crash when he was in the army caused him to be discharged and forced to be reliant on his family again, which is what made him move to la, where, of course, he met buck. they’re literally thee most important person in each others lives. they’re besties. coparents (when the only help eddie’s had as a coparent is shannon, who left (no hate to her it’s complicated shit and she did die but still she did), and his parents, who were controlling and not what either of them needed and also just generally really shitty to eddie at the time (ESPECIALLY re his parenting). and then buck comes along and like within a year he’s like i trust you with my life and my son and my sons life! after everything!! and puts buck as chris’ legal guardian in his will—) n e ways yeah that but also eddie’s ptsd related to the whole helicopter crash incident was super significant later in their relationship too bc eddie was at his lowest point (a place he’d been before but back then, his wife left him and his parents actively made everything worse instead of helping) and buck just like. steps in WITH eddie and gives him what he needs and like takes care of eddie and chris in they way they both need instead of forcing them into what he thinks they need like eddie’s parents did. yeah. and eddie actually did some healing then unlike the last time. so eddie is easily the most important and serious and intimate (like platonically but also Not) relationship buck has ever had, more so than any of bucks gfs.

and then tommy comes around!!! a fuckin helicopter pilot. he and buck first meet not necessarily in a helicopter crash but in a helicopter. in an emergency situation. and they draw SO MANY parallels between tommy and eddie and taylor (he and eddie have a lot in common like with the whole army and martial arts stuff and they get really close really fast and then BUCK HIMSELF drawing the taylor parallels. literally biting at my enclosure.) and wow! look at that! they kiss (and soon start a relationship) and tommy is literally not only the first man buck has ever kissed, but also the catalyst for buck realizing he’s bi. (or, at least, that those feelings bucks had for men in the past (cough cough eddie) are like mushy romantic/sexual/Very Not Platonic things.) literally even if they just kissed that once and had no relationship past that it’s still a massively impactful (non)relationship for buck!!!

and somehow. somehow the most important relationships in bucks life are all connected to helicopter crashes/emergencies. and they’re only characters who have such big connections to said helicopter crashes/emergencies. and they all have relationships that are incredibly important and impactful to buck. this is literally canon.

#literally going insane over here #IT WOULD BE ONE THING IF HELICOPTERS WERE JUST SOME REGULAR SHIT IN 911 LIKE IDK CONNECTIONS TO VICTIMS OR DISPATCHERS BUT NO #THESE ARE THE ONLY THREE CHARACTERS CONNECTED TO HELICOPTERS LIKE THIS AND BUCK HAS (OR WILL) MADE OUT WITH ALL THREE #wait jfc am i imagining this or did lucy get ‘transferred’ to the lafd helicopter unit or whatever too #i can’t emphasize enough how insane that is #911 could be cancelled by now or be doing circling the toilet like many many shows do so far into their run (which is what s6 felt like #a lil bit to me) but abc took this show that’s past it’s prime running down and they’ve breathed so much life into it!!! #bc they’re giving the characters and their interpersonal relationships the attention that made the show special in the first place (and #also what i think it kinda lost in s6 a lil bit) #god i love this show #911 #911 fox #buddie #911 abc #evan buckley #911 spoilers #911 abc spoilers

[fist-of-vengeance]

what do you guys think the apollo bars taste like

#i imagine them tasting like snickers but better #i just know they're so delicious okay #never have i had such an intense craving for something I've never eaten and doesn't exist #lost #lost 2004 #lost abc #lost tv show #the dharma initiative

[chicago-geniza]

Stefania says this too and she connects it to fashion history, saying the lush, elaborate, curve-exaggerating and almost baroque-rococco styles that inhibited movement were impractical for anything but posing for portraits and appearing decorative--the End of Empire styles--were one form of objectification (pure passivity and sexual receptivity, a tabula rasa onto which fantasies can be projected), while the androgynous, shapeless fashions of the ‘20s that favored a lanky, emaciated silhouette sans secondary sex characteristics were not as liberatory as they purported to be. If you imagine the binary as “madonna/whore,” sure, at first they look like an escape from the paradigm, but they’re not--it’s just asexuality and denial of femininity in order to achieve one’s desired ends, i.e., emancipation, the franchise, “pelne zycie,” the whole equality-equity civil rights shebang, under the law and under contract and under one’s household roof and under the sheets, so to speak. But of COURSE Stefania would have been reading Weininger too, and I can’t believe I didn’t make this connection--!!!

#stefania says this #i want to party with zosia so hard it makes me look stupid #RIP stefania's lost fashion history manuscript i grieve you every day #all we have is bluszcz & i have to order them from a woman who might be little bit of a far-right nationalist #or she might just be weird about germany because she's from one of Those Territories but you can never tell #she stocks a few too many ABC/prosto z mostu/etc. things for my comfort #she also has SO much endek memorabilia. #oh relatedly did you know stefania used to be neighbors with uh #wincenty lutoslawsky when she was. a college student. like him and sofia cassanova #can you imagine moving back to krakow for the first time in years #like you're a college freshman & you're jewish & a few doors down fucking. roman dmowski keeps coming over for book club

[wordstome]

COD Men as Dream Daddy DILFs

Call of Duty single dads x gn!single parent reader

⤐Characters: 141 + König + Horangi + Keegan

⤐Premise: You just moved into a neighborhood with a high population of retired military personnel.

*glances at my 3-4 wips* let's talk about some dilfs, shall we? ...Don't look at me. I had a vision. (No relation to the actual characters from Dream Daddy, just a similar premise) Also a disclaimer: I'm writing these dads mostly in their late 30s to 40s, but don't think about their ages and the ages of their kids too much. This is all vibes. And sorry ahead of time if I gave one of the kids the same name as you 💀 Feel free to imagine the kid has a different name because the names really don't matter

p.s. I wanted to write more characters but I had to reel myself in. I could be persuaded to write a part 2 with Vaqueros, Nikolai, Valeria, Nikto, and other Ghosts tbh

Warning: this shit is LENGTHY. Strap yourself in.

Price: A post about DILFs and you expect me not to start with Captain John Price? Price is the lynchpin of this cul de sac. He's the one inviting everyone over to the barbecue, tries to get the dads to get along, and gives everyone advice. He has the quintessential dad energy. He 100% slaps his knees and says "well!" when he gets up. Price also has major girl dad energy. He's got three adorable little ladies, aged 3 (Clara), 9 (Brianna), and 11 (Alice). Yes, he did name his daughters in ABC order, I can see him doing that. Oh, he dotes on his girls, and they love their dad endlessly. He's the model father: recitals, sports, parent teacher conferences, you name it, he's there.

That's how the two of you meet: he comes up to you at one of the aforementioned events and gives you a firm handshake and apologizes profusely for not coming around to introduce himself earlier. It's not like him not to at least swing by, and he hopes you can forgive him the discourtesy. He hands you his number and says anything you need, just give him a call, or maybe swing by for a beer sometime. He gives you a wink that makes your knees weak, a wink that says he definitely noticed you checking out his muscled arms and broad shoulders. Maybe you will swing by for that beer sometime—and maybe get a little more than just a drink.

Ghost: I could see Simon having a one night stand kid. He certainly never saw himself starting a family after he lost his last one, but he was stressed and probably piss drunk as well. Years and years later, he's back from deployment and finds a social worker with a boy on his doorstep, and the rest is history. I love the idea of Simon with a moody 16 year old, but I actually see Simon and his son having the same dynamic as Mike and Abby Schmidt from the FNAF movie. Since Simon wasn't around for Caden's early childhood, they have a relationship that's undeniably father and son, but leaning towards casual and sibling-like. Simon's figuring his shit out, dealing with his PTSD and the various lasting health issues his time in special forces has left him with, and Caden's a quiet, sensitive 10 year old boy who thinks the world of his dad.

You meet Simon at the local bar. His Ghost days are long behind him, but the balaclava's a hard habit to kick. Besides, he doesn't need people staring at his scars. He's usually there with the 141, but today he's alone, and looks like he could use some company. You sit up at the bar close to him and order a drink, but you don't disturb him, and he visibly relaxes when he realizes you're not going to try to make small talk. It becomes a routine, the two of you: always sharing a quiet drink together at the bar, and then both of you wordlessly go home to your kids. You have a sort of silent conversation every time: Good to see you again. Yeah, you too. Neither of you actually speak a word to the other until Price introduces you to him at a gathering, and you finally hear his voice. "We've met before," he says, with a glint in his eye that suggests perhaps he'd like to be more than just a silent drinking buddy. That's fine with you: you're dying to see what's under the mask and dark hoodie.

Soap: JOCK ALERT. Johnny's basically Craig from Dream Daddy: total dreamboat who goes on runs around the neighborhood and gets all the appreciative looks from the local moms. He thrives on the attention in a way that definitely makes the 141 roll their eyes. He's got an older little girl named Elodie, and a lil baby boy Thomas that he takes everywhere with him. Obviously he's just being a responsible parent taking care of an infant, but secretly, Thomas is a great conversation starter with aforementioned local moms.

Conversely however, it's Johnny who makes the move on you first. Maybe in the grocery store, maybe at one of Price's get-togethers. Sidles up to you and introduces himself with a look in his eye that means trouble. Only the good kind of trouble, of course. If you reciprocate and he finds out you're single, you're not getting rid of him. But why would you want to, anyway? He's endlessly charming, attentive, and good with his hands. When he's fixing a leaky tap for you, of course—what did you think I meant?

Gaz: Kyle "Gaz" Garrick is a fucking heartthrob. I'm saying it right here, right now. He's a walks in with flowers, makes you dinner kind of partner. Also househusband vibes, because, surprise: Kyle is still married. This isn't a Joseph (Dream Daddy) situation, though: he and his wife, Emily, have known each other for a long time, a very high school sweethearts situation. Over the years, though, they drifted apart with Kyle in the military, and Emily eventually realized she's not actually into men. They're still married for coparenting purposes: they've got an older teenage girl named Violet, and a younger boy named Elliott. (Yes, I'm naming him after Elliot Knight, sue me.)

Honestly, I think it would be HILARIOUS if you met Kyle on a dating app and realized he's your next-door neighbor. But however you guys meet, Kyle is an old-school courter kind of guy. He is taking you on dinner dates, listening to you rant about your day, and is on your doorstep in a heartbeat when you call him in a panic because your kid's running a 105 fever (41 in Celsius) and you need a ride to the emergency room. (Not that the other dads wouldn't do the same, but I'm trying to convey "most reliable man in the world" vibes here.)

König: Y'all...you don't know how much fucken time I've spent thinking about this man as a dad. He's in the same boat as Ghost where he never saw himself living long enough to start a family, but here he is with the most precious little girl you've ever laid eyes on. Ava's got her father's curly hair and big green eyes, and she has her dad wrapped around her pinky finger. For König, Ava is living proof that he's capable of being more than just a tool for violence.

You meet König through Ava, of course. Your kids are the closest of friends, and the two of them are constantly going over to each other's houses. You're obviously delighted that your kid is making new friends and fitting in so well, but you'd be lying if your heart didn't skip a beat whenever you open your door to see Ava's six foot ten dad standing there with soft eyes and a sheepish smile. I have to stop here, because I've already written an extra paragraph for this man that I've cut out and pasted for safekeeping in my notes app, and if encouraged I will write more. (Please encourage me.)

Horangi: I know we already had a sort of Robert (Dream Daddy) figure with Ghost, but I think Horangi is a dad whose kid is an adult, much like Robert and Val. I also think that out of all the dads, Horangi is likely the one who's still doing some level of military work. Either that, or he has a very demanding job that takes up a lot of his time. He's ashamed of the way he let his gambling affect his family in the past, and is making up for it by being responsible and keeping his finances in order.

You don't meet him until you've lived in the neighborhood for quite a while, but he pops up at a gathering, talking quietly with König in a corner. You'd thought you had met every neighbor in the cul de sac, so you're intrigued by the newcomer. Someone, probably Price, tells you what Hong-jin's deal is, and ever since that you just can't keep your eyes off of him. You can't quite work up the nerve to talk to him, so you occupy yourself talking with the other parents. Some time later, you're at the food table grazing on the snacks when you look up and make eye contact with him. There's something intense in his gaze that makes you freeze, like a deer in headlights. He's definitely checking you out, you think. Your chest erupts into nervous butterflies when he starts walking towards you.

Keegan: Keegan is an adoptive father! I love his dynamic with the Walker boys, so I can see him being the kind of guy who adopts an older teenager so they have a home and a family instead of aging out of the system. Jason and Cecelia are high school age siblings who would have been separated otherwise, and consider Keegan their dad in every way that's important.

I think you and Keegan are definitely rivals in some way. Maybe it's a PTO thing, maybe he gets a little too boisterous at your kids' sports game. Whatever it is, you can't stand the man, but your annoyance whenever he's around only seems to amuse him. You have no problem saying to his face exactly what you think about him, but unfortunately, Keegan can see right through you. And hey, Cecelia could use some experience as a babysitter, so you won't have to worry about spending the night over at his place, will you?

As always, I wanna hear peoples' thoughts and feedback! If you want to hear more about these dads, drop me an ask <3

#I fear my obsession with second chance romances is becoming a problem. #ghost x reader #König x reader #john price x reader #soap x reader #gaz x reader #keegan x reader #horangi x reader #price x reader #johnny mactavish x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #keegan russ x reader #konig x reader #cod ghost #ghost cod #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #soap cod #john price #kyle gaz garrick #König #König cod #konig #konig cod #horangi #kim horangi hong jin #keegan #dream daddy au

[mostlysignssomeportents]

No, Uber's (still) not profitable

Going to Defcon this weekend? I'm giving a keynote, "An Audacious Plan to Halt the Internet's Enshittification and Throw it Into Reverse," on Saturday at 12:30pm, followed by a book signing at the No Starch Press booth at 2:30pm!

https://info.defcon.org/event/?id=50826

Bezzle (n): 1. "the magic interval when a confidence trickster knows he has the money he has appropriated but the victim does not yet understand that he has lost it" (JK Gabraith) 2. Uber.

Uber was, is, and always will be a bezzle. There are just intrinsic limitations to the profits available to operating a taxi fleet, even if you can misclassify your employees as contractors and steal their wages, even as you force them to bear the cost of buying and maintaining your taxis.

The magic of early Uber – when taxi rides were incredibly cheap, and there were always cars available, and drivers made generous livings behind the wheel – wasn't magic at all. It was just predatory pricing.

Uber lost $0.41 on every dollar they brought in, lighting $33b of its investors' cash on fire. Most of that money came from the Saudi royals, funneled through Softbank, who brought you such bezzles as WeWork – a boring real-estate company masquerading as a high-growth tech company, just as Uber was a boring taxi company masquerading as a tech company.

Predatory pricing used to be illegal, but Chicago School economists convinced judges to stop enforcing the law on the grounds that predatory pricing was impossible because no rational actor would choose to lose money. They (willfully) ignored the obvious possibility that a VC fund could invest in a money-losing business and use predatory pricing to convince retail investors that a pile of shit of sufficient size must have a pony under it somewhere.

This venture predation let investors – like Prince Bone Saw – cash out to suckers, leaving behind a money-losing business that had to invent ever-sweatier accounting tricks and implausible narratives to keep the suckers on the line while they blew town. A bezzle, in other words:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/19/fake-it-till-you-make-it/#millennial-lifestyle-subsidy

Uber is a true bezzle innovator, coming up with all kinds of fairy tales and sci-fi gimmicks to explain how they would convert their money-loser into a profitable business. They spent $2.5b on self-driving cars, producing a vehicle whose mean distance between fatal crashes was half a mile. Then they paid another company $400 million to take this self-licking ice-cream cone off their hands:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/09/herbies-revenge/#100-billion-here-100-billion-there-pretty-soon-youre-talking-real-money

Amazingly, self-driving cars were among the more plausible of Uber's plans. They pissed away hundreds of millions on California's Proposition 22 to institutionalize worker misclassification, only to have the rule struck down because they couldn't be bothered to draft it properly. Then they did it again in Massachusetts:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/06/15/simple-as-abc/#a-big-ask

Remember when Uber was going to plug the holes in its balance sheet with flying cars? Flying cars! Maybe they were just trying to soften us up for their IPO, where they advised investors that the only way they'd ever be profitable is if they could replace every train, bus and tram ride in the world:

https://48hills.org/2019/05/ubers-plans-include-attacking-public-transit/

Honestly, the only way that seems remotely plausible is when it's put next to flying cars for comparison. I guess we can be grateful that they never promised us jetpacks, or, you know, teleportation. Just imagine the market opportunity they could have ascribed to astral projection!

Narrative capitalism has its limits. Once Uber went public, it had to produce financial disclosures that showed the line going up, lest the bezzle come to an end. These balance-sheet tricks were as varied as they were transparent, but the financial press kept falling for them, serving as dutiful stenographers for a string of triumphant press-releases announcing Uber's long-delayed entry into the league of companies that don't lose more money every single day.

One person Uber has never fooled is Hubert Horan, a transportation analyst with decades of experience who's had Uber's number since the very start, and who has done yeoman service puncturing every one of these financial "disclosures," methodically sifting through the pile of shit to prove that there is no pony hiding in it.

In 2021, Horan showed how Uber had burned through nearly all of its cash reserves, signaling an end to its subsidy for drivers and rides, which would also inevitably end the bezzle:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/08/10/unter/#bezzle-no-more

In mid, 2022, Horan showed how the "profit" Uber trumpeted came from selling off failed companies it had acquired to other dying rideshare companies, which paid in their own grossly inflated stock:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/08/05/a-lousy-taxi/#a-giant-asterisk

At the end of 2022, Horan showed how Uber invented a made-up, nonstandard metric, called "EBITDA profitability," which allowed them to lose billions and still declare themselves to be profitable, a lie that would have been obvious if they'd reported their earnings using Generally Accepted Accounting Principles (GAAP):

https://pluralistic.net/2022/02/11/bezzlers-gonna-bezzle/#gryft

Like clockwork, Uber has just announced – once again – that it is profitable, and once again, the press has credulously repeated the claim. So once again, Horan has published one of his magisterial debunkings on Naked Capitalism:

https://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2023/08/hubert-horan-can-uber-ever-deliver-part-thirty-three-uber-isnt-really-profitable-yet-but-is-getting-closer-the-antitrust-case-against-uber.html

Uber's $394m gains this quarter come from paper gains to untradable shares in its loss-making rivals – Didi, Grab, Aurora – who swapped stock with Uber in exchange for Uber's own loss-making overseas divisions. Yes, it's that stupid: Uber holds shares in dying companies that no one wants to buy. It declared those shares to have gained value, and on that basis, reported a profit.

Truly, any big number multiplied by an imaginary number can be turned into an even bigger number.

Now, Uber also reported "margin improvements" – that is, it says that it loses less on every journey. But it didn't explain how it made those improvements. But we know how the company did it: they made rides more expensive and cut the pay to their drivers. A 2.9m ride in Manhattan is now $50 – if you get a bargain! The base price is more like $70:

https://www.wired.com/story/uber-ceo-will-always-say-his-company-sucks/

The number of Uber drivers on the road has a direct relationship to the pay Uber offers those drivers. But that pay has been steeply declining, and with it, the availability of Ubers. A couple weeks ago, I found myself at the Burbank train station unable to get an Uber at all, with the app timing out repeatedly and announcing "no drivers available."

Normally, you can get a yellow taxi at the station, but years of Uber's predatory pricing has caused a drawdown of the local taxi-fleet, so there were no taxis available at the cab-rank or by dispatch. It took me an hour to get a cab home. Uber's bezzle destroyed local taxis and local transit – and replaced them with worse taxis that cost more.

Uber won't say why its margins are improving, but it can't be coming from scale. Before the pandemic, Uber had far more rides, and worse margins. Uber has diseconomies of scale: when you lose money on every ride, adding more rides increases your losses, not your profits.

Meanwhile, Lyft – Uber's also-ran competitor – saw its margins worsen over the same period. Lyft has always been worse at lying about it finances than Uber, but it is in essentially the exact same business (right down to the drivers and cars – many drivers have both apps on their phones). So Lyft's financials offer a good peek at Uber's true earnings picture.

Lyft is actually slightly better off than Uber overall. It spent less money on expensive props for its long con – flying cars, robotaxis, scooters, overseas clones – and abandoned them before Uber did. Lyft also fired 24% of its staff at the end of 2022, which should have improved its margins by cutting its costs.

Uber pays its drivers less. Like Lyft, Uber practices algorithmic wage discrimination, Veena Dubal's term describing the illegal practice of offering workers different payouts for the same work. Uber's algorithm seeks out "pickers" who are choosy about which rides they take, and converts them to "ants" (who take every ride offered) by paying them more for the same job, until they drop all their other gigs, whereupon the algorithm cuts their pay back to the rates paid to ants:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

All told, wage theft and wage cuts by Uber transferred $1b/quarter from labor to Uber's shareholders. Historically, Uber linked fares to driver pay – think of surge pricing, where Uber charged riders more for peak times and passed some of that premium onto drivers. But now Uber trumpets a custom pricing algorithm that is the inverse of its driver payment system, calculating riders' willingness to pay and repricing every ride based on how desperate they think you are.

This pricing is a per se antitrust violation of Section 2 of the Sherman Act, America's original antitrust law. That's important because Sherman 2 is one of the few antitrust laws that we never stopped enforcing, unlike the laws banning predator pricing:

https://ilr.law.uiowa.edu/sites/ilr.law.uiowa.edu/files/2023-02/Woodcock.pdf

Uber claims an 11% margin improvement. 6-7% of that comes from algorithmic price discrimination and service cutbacks, letting it take 29% of every dollar the driver earns (up from 22%). Uber CEO Dara Khosrowshahi himself says that this is as high as the take can get – over 30%, and drivers will delete the app.

Uber's food delivery service – a baling wire-and-spit Frankenstein's monster of several food apps it bought and glued together – is a loser even by the standards of the sector, which is unprofitable as a whole and experiencing an unbroken slide of declining demand.

Put it all together and you get a picture of the kind of taxi company Uber really is: one that charges more than traditional cabs, pays drivers less, and has fewer cars on the road at times of peak demand, especially in the neighborhoods that traditional taxis had always underserved. In other words, Uber has broken every one of its promises.

We replaced the "evil taxi cartel" with an "evil taxi monopolist." And it's still losing money.

Even if Lyft goes under – as seems inevitable – Uber can't attain real profitability by scooping up its passengers and drivers. When you're losing money on every ride, you just can't make it up in volume.

Image: JERRYE AND ROY KLOTZ MD (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:LA_BREA_TAR_PITS,_LOS_ANGELES.jpg

CC BY-SA 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en

I’m kickstarting the audiobook for “The Internet Con: How To Seize the Means of Computation,” a Big Tech disassembly manual to disenshittify the web and bring back the old, good internet. It’s a DRM-free book, which means Audible won’t carry it, so this crowdfunder is essential. Back now to get the audio, Verso hardcover and ebook:

http://seizethemeansofcomputation.org

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/09/accounting-gimmicks/#unter

Image: JERRYE AND ROY KLOTZ MD (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:LA_BREA_TAR_PITS,_LOS_ANGELES.jpg

CC BY-SA 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en

#pluralistic #bezzles #hubert horan #uber #rideshare #accounting tricks #financial engineering #late-stage capitalism #narrative capitalism #lyft #transit #uber eats #venture predation #algorithmic wage discrimination

[outofmydepthatapublicbeach]

julien baker fluff abcs

hey everyone!!! here is the fluff abcs i promised!!! i hope you all enjoy it!! <333

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

Everything about you, I think she would worship the ground you walk on. But I think she especially adores your personality.

B = Beauty (what do they find most beautiful about you?)

I think Julien would find your eyes and voice the most beautiful. No matter what color your eyes are I could see her staring in and just getting lost in your irises. When I say voice, I don’t mean singing, I mean your everyday speaking voice, the quirk in your accent (no matter where you’re from) and especially your laugh, she loves your laugh.

C = Call (how often does she call/text?)

I feel like Julien doesn’t go on her phone much, except when she is communicating with you. I could see her sending you videos of what she’s working on in the studio, or if she is away she would definitely call you at night, do that thing where you fall asleep on facetime with one another. I think she’d like to check up on you a lot so lots of updates and check-ins.

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

Honestly I could see Julien liking just staying in and ordering takeout and watching some movie, or going out to a fancy restaurant. Omg!!! Picnic dates too!!! 

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

I think it might take Julien a while to be super open and express her emotions around you, but once she feels safe she expresses all types of emotion around you. 

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

I think she would want one, but not for a while. She’s good with sticking to a couple dogs and maybe a cat.

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

I think she definitely will get you gifts if she's on tour and sees something she knows you’d love. I think she’d be the type to hand make you gifts or buy you flowers “just ‘cause”. 

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

I imagine Julien loves to hold your hand. Whenever you two are standing next to each other she’ll have your hand in hers or she has an arm around your waist. 

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

I think she would panic no matter how you got hurt, like if you got a papercut she’d drop everything to see if you were okay.

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

I think Julien would joke sometimes, but I don’t really think she would prank you. 

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

She would kiss you gently, both hands holding your face, or you’d be hand in hand. I think that she would make each kiss special, but also while making you want more.

L = Love (how do they show you they love you/love languages?)

Physical touch and quality time for sure!!! Like I said earlier she’d hold your hand whenever she could. Love just spending time together, even if the focus isn’t on eachother, maybe like sitting on the couch each of you reading a separate book, but you’re both there and close and that's what matters!!!

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

I imagine y’all did one of those 5 minute painting swaps and you both had a lot of fun creating art to hang up in your shared homes!! I can kinda see that date ending up with paint everywhere and a lot of giggles.

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

I think Julien’s worst fear would be losing you. To her you’re the light of her life and she wouldn’t know what to do if she lost you.

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

I feel like she would sleep with socks on… 

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

OMGGG!!! Definitely the basic ones like baby, love, honey, but maybe more specific ones based on your personality or certain attributes, like if you have a lot of piercings she’d call you punk. I can also for some reason see her calling her lover like berry. I could see her calling you her “heart” as well.

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

Anytime spent with you if time spent well. I think she loves having late night conversations while the TV plays a movie y’all have seen a bunch of times, or reading to each other!!! Like you’d have a little book club just between yourselves where you read together and then talk about the book!!! That would be so cute!!!

R = Rhythm (has she written any songs about you?)

FOR SURE!!!! OMG!!! Every since she met you she finds it hard to write a song about anything other than you… (the album she's currently working on is def a bunch of love songs all dedicated to you)

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

Completely, she tells you everything, and you listen to every word she says (and vice versa)!!!

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

In true lesbian fashion, not very long. I’m thinking y’all were friends for a while before you started to date. But it was only like 2 dates before she asked you to be her girlfriend.

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

I think she does whatever you need at the moment. Need time to yourself to cool off? Done, she’ll take the dogs out for a quick walk. Need a hug because of a bad day? You’re already in her arms.

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

I think Julien takes any chance to show you off. “Oh this is my girlfriend… aren’t they stunning?” Or if you’re a musician or artist I think she'll post about your art/music. 

W = Wild Card (random!!)

I think that she wouldn't post much about you, and only because she wants to keep her relationship private. But I do think she would have a private instagram account with only her friends on it and she would post a lot more about you there. 

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

I think Julien would be able to read you really well, especially once you have been together a while. I think she might even know how you're feeling before you even know how you're feeling!!

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

Either very romantic and extravagant, like she’d take you on a little trip, nice dinner. Or it would be like, a lazy Sunday morning where you two sleep in and your in the kitchen making breakfast and talking about going to a farmers market for some fruit and all the sudden she just blurts out “marry me”. She's just so in love with you she can’t wait any longer.

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

I think she would feel the most calm in your presence, just by being in the same room as you!!

#julien baker x reader #julien baker one shot #julien baker fluff #julien baker fanfic #julien baker au #boygenius fanfic #boygenius au #boygenius x reader

[yanderenightmare]

NSFW ABC's

Bakugou Katsuki x darling

TW: NSFW

part M, N & O

Masturbation

do they? if so, how often? to what?

Katsuki masturbates only on one occasion. And fuck knows it’s on those nights he’s fucked things up with you enough to be banished from the bedroom to the sofa. 

He knows that he should be lying awake feeling guilty about other things regarding the reason he’s sleeping alone in the first place – but he can’t help it when his blood’s pumped up on adrenaline after your fight, and how the frustration still lingering in his skull only has one fix solution which is to rub one out and fall asleep so he can be calm enough to apologize to you in the morning.

He just needs to remind himself of how much he loves you, and though it isn’t the most dignified or romantic way – imagining you in compromising positions with filthy words on your lips – it’s proven to be the most efficient way for him to forgive and forget the fact that he thinks you should be the one banished to the sofa and not him.

Which is another thing fuck knows – that the two of you never agree to who’s in the wrong and can only ever agree to disagree after a long night's sleep without each other.

Nos

turn-offs

Katsuki’s main turn-off is losing. 

His performance in bed is tightly knit with his performance at work – so if things are going poorly in either field, things are bound to be going poorly in the other. 

Slumps ruin his confidence, making it but a brittle thing – an absolute insult to his normally unshakable self. 

It’s the stress; it makes him both tired and restless at the same time. He’s the type to scratch at his scalp and pull his hair out – only withholding screaming so not to scare you.

In such periods all he wants is your gentle touch rubbing his sore muscles while you cuddle and kiss his forehead and cheek – telling him that everything will work out and be okay.

In those periods, the nights are spent with his head buried in your bosom and his hands balling your nightie in tight fists – struggling to keep from crying – while your hand smoothly runs through his hair – only continuing when he finally breaks and starts to jostle with silent sniffles and wet tears staining your chest.

Oral

do they give/receive? how are they giving/receiving?

Katsuki gets lost in you – humping the sheets as he gorges himself. 

Your scent turns him in – your taste turns him on – the soft squishy flesh of your cunty lips kissing him back turns him on – how your thighs quake around his face turns him on – how your hips buck against his jaw turns him on – and the hand you have riddled in his hair, tugging on him in desperate demands as you spill and shake in aftershocks against him turns him on.

It riles him up so much he sheathes himself inside you to the hilt in one fell swoop, once crawling on top of you with hands still buried into the squeezable fat of your thighs, spreading you into a wide-open invitation – groaning against your mouth with your undoing glossing his chin and lips and his breath the scent of your raw arousal.

With your essence on his tongue, he cums almost embarrassingly quickly.

tip-jar:Kofi

#smut alphabet #yandere bakugo #yandere bakugou #yandere bnha #yandere bakugo katsuki #yandere boku no hero academia #yandere katsuki #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere my hero academia #yandere bakugou katsuki #yandere bakugo x reader #yandere katsuki bakugou #yandere bakugou smut #bakugou smut #boku no hero academia smut #bakugou imagine #bakugou katsuki #mha bakugou #bakugou katuski x reader #bakugo katuski #katsuki bakugou #bakugou x y/n #bakugo katsuki #bnha bakugo katsuki #katsuki x y/n #katsuki x you #katsuki bakugo my hero academia #katsuki bnha #katsuki bakugo x reader

[mischiefbuckley]

abc should do an eddie centric episode that is in the the style of a telenovela… like imagine the team rescues a couple and one of them ends up with amnesia and it throws it back to eddie as a child growing up with his mom and his sisters watching novelas growing up as his father is away from the household working long nights and it’s how he feels connected with his sisters and then it flashes back to the present and eddie is thinking about how short life can be and he starts thinking about how his life currently is and then another one where like the long lost sibling of someone they rescue shows up and then eddie like reconnects with one of his sisters when she surprise visits him in LA and then like another one where they rescue a couple but one of the them ends up passing away on the way to the hospital and he starts thinks back to his time of how it was raising Christopher with Shannon leaving so him and Chris find comfort in watching novelas at night after Eddie comes home from all his odd jobs he had before moving to LA and it’s a tradition that Eddie is able to share with his son and they find comfort in watching novelas at night as a family and then it pans back to a present day and in a very telenovela type of ending end it with the team going to an emergency at a wedding

#lol I have so many more ideas #tim minear hit me up 🤙🏻 #more of steph’s random thoughts #eddie diaz #edmundo diaz #christopher diaz #shannon diaz #evan buckley #evan buck buckley #911 show #911 abc #911 on abc #911 season 7 #911 season 8 #911 s7 #911 s8 #buddie

[fandom-imagination-ss]

Nswf ABC 

This was requested For Sayid from Lost. Im still very new to writing Smut so i did my best.. hopefully you like it.  @venenumatropa

A = Aftercare (what happens after the deed is done)

Sayid Is a huge cuddler after sex. But he would ask before anything else happens that you go to the washroom. His uncle was a doctor and he stressed the importance of How women should pee after Sex to Flush out their systems ad to prevent anything bad from happening. and Since Sayid's main priority in life is your safety. he would insist on it. while you were off taking a pee. he would clean the bed. and get some water for both himself and you. as he would wait in bed for your return. once you return Sayid would entrap you in his arms pulling you back into bed and snuggling in the bed as he asked if you needed anything. you would end up tapping your knuckle softly against his chest and saying good job which always makes him smile.

B= Bondages  

this was a new kink for Sayid he had No idea he had this desire to have sex while his lover is chained up. but when you both were captured by the others and you tried escaping due to Sayid's request. to leave him behind. you did.. to only be brought back. put into his cage and chained up.  it was late at night. and you both were cold and afraid. and sex just seemed like a rational thing. but seeing you chained up. gripping the cuffs as Sayid fucked you. hearing the cuffs hit against the metal. something inside him just burned brighter as he gripped onto you tighter. wanting the entire camp of the others to hear the sounds of pleasure coming from you. after you both were saved. Sayid suggested bondage as you grinned kissing him saying only if he was the one who was bonded next. which he couldn't wait to try.

C= Cum

you would describe Sayid as a Manly man, muscular, strong, and brilliant. you haven't found one thing this man couldn't do or anything he was fearful of. probably due to his time being tortured. after you do that. what is there to fear? but when you both got together On the Island. the One thing that you found Silly for Sayid to fear was Cum.

Not yours. No, he loved having you cum on his face and trying to get every inch of your flavor on his lips. But His? His was a different story!

The main reason was if he Cummed inside he could get you pregnant and after Claire got captured for being pregnant that was his worst nightmare was you walking around. pregnant. and having to deliver a baby naturally. without any medical care. (minus Jack) but he didn't want you to suffer, Plus he Didn't want you captured. So when he was close. he would pull out quickly and rub it out. squirting away from you. which frustrated you. but you understood. because you Also did NOT want a child born on the island. and being captured was on everyone’s mind.

D= Dick.

Sayid never paid much attention to the length of his dick, he had it. he knew how to use it. and what it was for. and how to make himself feel amazing once he started touching it. but it was you who noticed. the size of his Dick. It was thicker than you ever had. you saw it by accident before you entered a relationship with Sayid. but seeing his Dick. you were suddenly shocked. it was one of those moments when you stood jaw fell open and you were completely stunned. when you did Enter a sexual relationship you asked if other partners had issues with his size. Sayid couldn't remember and realized you were scared and promised to go slow.

E= Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

the Last two sexual partners Sayid had were both Dead. Both soon after getting into A relationship with him. So Sayid was experienced. but Overly. he thought he had it down packed after his first partner but then he was with Sharon and he was blown away by her abilities. but with you? he was puddy he lost all sense of any Skill or Tricks he could have had. you weren’t overly experienced. Sex and relationships were Never your strong suit in the real world. your parents made you Numb to the idea of Sex. when your parents are Sex therapists. you just. Don’t want it. that being said. you did Enjoy and were an active member in the devil tango when you did have a partner. you could easily see how it could be addictive. and you grew up with Stick fingers and Cartoons showing different moves.. so you had some tricks.

F= Favorite position

Sayids favorite position is where you are both sitting up, your legs and arms are wrapped around him, and vice versa with you. his hands holding your head as he kisses you deeply as Rocks into you slowly. he loves feeling your arms wrapped around him. feeling your heartbeat pounding against your chest. it wasn't a great pose to bury his cock into you. but he loved cuddling you. holding you as close as he possibly could to himself.  

G= Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc.)

Normally when Sayid is with everyone he is very serious, he doesn’t take the situation of being stuck on an island Lightly. and he spends All day, Every day, and some nights trying to make life easier and to get off the island. But when he was with you. and you were both sharing special moments. with you. (physicals or just spending one on one time with you) he was at Ease. one time he accidentally gave you a raspberry on your arm when you both were laying on a tarp watching the stars. and hearing the Giggle coming out of you. Sayid couldn’t help but laugh and become very goofy and you almost peed yourself laughing. it was Rare to get Sayid in a Silly Goofy mood but it was your favorite moment. due to being so rare. you remembered them all and were all special in your heart. 

H= Height

Sayid was a few inches taller than you, he would often rest his chin on top of your head as he wraps his arms around you. as you both watch the Sunset over the ocean. His height comes in handy when you use an old rotten count at the tree to get a fresh one. it would be just that far out of reach you couldn't grab it. so Sayid would have to walk over. be the hero scoop it up. and hand it to you. His height had he's advantage as you both sneak into the woods quickly he could scan over your head to make sure No one was coming.

Intimate (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

sex was very Intimate between you and Sayid, and very private, you didn’t talk about your sex life with Kate or anyone on the island (and every female on the island. especially Claire. she can always tell after you two love birds sneak off and always try to get information from you.) but both of you were private. but the Intimate moments with Sayid were amazing. Sayid’s Lips never leave your Skin. Every moment he kisses your bare skin. trying to get every bit of you. whenever you have intimate moments with Sayid it feels as if your Skin is Butter. and only Sayid is holding you together. it was the best feeling in the world 

J: Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

look.. Being on a Deserted Island had a lot of Downs, and Ups. you handled it greatly.. until you started a courtship with Sayid. you were already using a Cloths type fabric for your Monthly visit. (A Diva cup was discovered But Even after Boiling it 3 times. None of the women on the island were Willing to use some Strangers Diva cup. So a Cloth type. the thing was created. It kinda worked... But with that Dreadfulness you also had to deal with. the Lack of Condoms. Jack Gave Everyone on the island a refresher on the bonuses of ‘Masturbation” the biggest plus side. was you can’t get pregnant if you are “taking care of business” and you were very happy with doing just that. but then Sayid came into the picture. you got together and then Claire disappeared and once she came back. and you learned she was getting taken Due to being pregnant. Sayid agreed it was too dangerous. so you both would jack off. almost daily. until neither of you could hold out anymore. (which lasted a week) and then after that. your sex life was almost once every other day. but when you were On your period. he would try to hold off from jacking off trying to save all his energy for you. and once you were done he would almost pounce on you. 

K: Kink (One or more of their kinks)  

-Bondage. Sayid loved seeing you tied up, and gripping the ropes tightly as you wiggle under them. Sayid is convinced others by hope or Desire. he swears you moan a bit louder in bondage

-Breeding Kink, Sayid would Love nothing more than to have you carrying his baby and fucking you while you’re pregnant. with his child. and If you weren’t on an island that had people kidnap pregnant women. Sayid would have got you pregnant a long time ago. 

-Sayid learned while you were tied up, to put a piece of grass and trace it over your bare skin. and seeing your body full of goosebumps and seeing you gasp at the tingling. he realized he decided to cover your eyes and to tease you with feathers and grass. eh could’t wait to get ice cubes on you. and realized he alos loved sensory play 

L: Location (Favorite places to do the do)

being on a island full of stranded people.. places to have sex is limited, the bunker whenever it was your turn or Sayid’s turn to watch the stupid button, (which personally was your favorite place!) or the jungle. couldn’t do it on the beach. you tried once. and it just left sand all inside you and you had to get Sayid to get a bottle of water and Flush your vagina out. to get all the sand out.  

Sayids favorite spot is over an hour walk on top of a cliff overlooking the ocean and beach. wide open. you loved it. but it still gave oyu slight worry whenever you both went there. 

M: Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

-you would just be walking over to give him a little squeeze on the shoulder and kiss his head. completely innocent. but Sayid. he loved any physical contact with you. 

-mouthing out words you don’t know. it was one of the first things that made Sayid notice you. he thought you were beautiful when you first met but when you were sitting On Sawyers’s Beach chair, Reading his Romance novel. a word puzzled you. So you mouthed it out to say it out loud.. the Book had a lot of Spanish words. and Sayid felt so shameful watching you read. and then how turned on you as you softly mouthed out the words to yourself. 

- in your swimsuit, it wasn’t an  Itty bitty tiny Winnie swimsuit. it covered you and you picked it purely because it wasn’t “sexy” the last thing you wanted was creeps to gawk at you on the beach while i Sydney. but the modesty of the Swimsuit a simple black bikini (with blue square beads.) it was One of the most covered Swimsuits on the island. but it made Sayid’s head turn whenever you wore it. 

N: No (Something they wouldn’t do, turnoffs)

-Sayid has caused a lot of pain in the world, so the last thing he would want is to harm you in any way. 

-he refused to have sex with you when you were sick. you got a cold and you refused to confess you were sick and tried to have sex with Sayid to prove you weren’t sick. and Sayid was slightly grossed out. but also found it funny. as you fell asleep on top of him

-foot play.. he hated feet and doesn’t find anything sexy about them. 

O: Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)  

-Sayid didn’t have much experience with the oral play, sure he always gave. but he never received it until you. he loved It. but never force you into doing it. he loves giving just as much as receiving. 

-Sayid loves to start kissing you from your temple down your neck, over your body and softly leaves visible Hickes on your wrist, and inner leg to Show that you were taken. then he would wrap your legs over his shoulders. Sayid was a tease he waits until your fully begging for him to give you want you want before he dives in. for a guy who has only had three sexual partners. 2 of them not very long. he had a Very amazing technique. he always made your eyes roll back. and you calling out. Sayid wouldn’t be happy with just one orgasm from oral he wouldn’t stop until he got you three out of you then he would move on. but three was the minimum.. He got 5 out of you once. and by the time everything was done. you couldn’t move. you pulled muscles you didn’t know were possible. 

P: Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

-Slow and sensual was his favorite pace.  he memorized every move and didn’t want the special time to end to fast. especially since it was nearly impossible to get you along.. for an Island.. it was impossible to get alone time. 

Q: Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)  

 this wasn’t his or your favorite type of sex, but when it’s been a few day and both are ready to tear each other’s clothes. when that happens. Sayid fucks you against a coconut tree. your clothes wouldn’t be off completely just off enough so his dick could plunge into you. Once Charlie walked in and Sayid had to run off and track him down before Charlie would tell Everyone in camp what he just saw. 

R: Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)  

-he Hates taking Ricks, sure a few things during sex, like the grass or leaving his love bites over your skin. those were Simple. they didn’t hurt you. or had a risk of hurting you. but Risks like having sex a little to close to town. Or the risk of strip poker.. 

-Sayid loved playing poker, BUt you were So SO Bad at it. that it felt wrong. he played a game secretly in his head once. with you. wit Jack and Kate.. he had you stripped withint the first 5 games. and he realized.. Strip poker with you wouldn’t be fair. 

S: Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last, etc.)

it Depended if it’s been a hwile since the last time, he would give it all in one Go, but if it wasn’t he could contain himself. and go 2-3 rounds. 

T: Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

your on a island.. you guys haven’t tried toys yet, and any Toy that he would think about. made him bashful.  you explained how you had a few toys at home. and the idea and notion about them. made his nose bleed. 

U: Unfair (How much they like to tease)

he loves teasing you. whenever the two of you are alone he will start to kiss your shoulder and neck. and teasing you with him entering you or giving you oral. he has made your head spinn with just kissing your inner thighs. he was a king of teasing. 

V: Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

he’s pretty quite, mainly because he’s always worried that other others will walk upon you both and he didn’t want to humiliate you or anyone. So he will softly bite into your shoulder to contain his moans. 

W: Wild Card (Random headcanon)

for  someone who use to torture people for a Job. He was Now So Vanilla . that you were half expecting a future of white fences and a perfect manicured front yard. and strangely enough.. Sayid opening a flower Store? it made No sense. but your Once upon a time “bad boy” was Now so soft and mellow with you that it just sunk into your soul. 

X: X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants)  

Average girth, but above average length (around 6 ¼ - 6 ½ inches when hard). It actually has a bit of a downward curve to it, and it’s pretty smooth with only 2 or 3 light veins running down his shaft.

Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

If Sayid had it his way he would have sex with you Every day, Even when your on your period. he’s Wish is to die buried deep inside you. you probably would allow it to if it weren’t for the fact that you on an island and People wonder around. typically it’s 2-4 times a week. 

Z: ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

“Nooners” Dont make him Sleepy but if you have sex during the night. he was out as soon as he knew you were good . but once you start cuddling he would be out. within ten minutes 

#requsted imagine #imagine #fandom imagine #fandom #lost #lost abc #sayid jarrah imagine #sayid jarrah #sayid jarrah smut #i tried something new

[torc87]

Ed's Apology to Izzy

Ok so I have been reading takes and am a bit... surprised? That people feel Ed's apology wasn't enough. Or wasn't sincere.

I mean, yes, his apology to the crew was bullshit. Utterly saying random words Stede told him to say. Safe space ship anyone?

But Izzy? No, that apology he meant.

Putting aside that he told Stede he never apologizes. So he clearly doesn't have much practice in it...

How exactly do people Expect hi. To apologize for taking Izzy's leg? Like, what would be enough?

Are we talking groveling and offering to shoot off his own leg/cut off his own toe? I mean, fun to read in fanfic but ...overblown and would read as overdramatic and self pitying. And kinda focuses way more on his own guilt and feeling better than actually you know apologizing.

Are we talking the proper apology formula? I'm sorry I did x, it was wrong, it impacted you y, I'll do z to ensure it never happens again/make it up to you by doing abc. Umm....how does anyone picture this going?

I'm sorry I cut off your toes and shot you which lead to you loosing your leg. It was wrong of me to do that and I promise to never do it again. I'll make it up to you.....somehow.

This ...this would sound absurd. Ed cut off Izzys toes. Izzy lost his leg. He can't make up for it and him saying he won't ever do it again is bullshit bc his word is grass and him acknowledging that it was wrong? There is literally zero ways I can think of that could both cover the enormity and also acknowledge something so obvious.

So what about saying 'i was a crappy captain to you, you didn't deserve it? You were doing your best.

Well, I think Izzy would benefit from hearing that Mr. Shark ate it and I deserved it but from an audience perspective? No duh he didn't deserve it, those things are so obvious it's crazy and I can't imagine Ed saying that w out choking on his guilt.

Which he basically did when he forced out that sad little 'sorry about your leg'.

Ed needs to sit w himself a Lot more to be able to acknowledge just how badly he fucked up as a captain. To be able to accept and face that he hurt people w out trying to get away from the guilt, like w letting Luscius push him overboard.

What about explaining his motivation?

I'm sorry I shot you, I was trying to kill myself and couldn't bear being loved.

Izzy knows! He doesn't need to hear that.

Ed, choking on his guilt but forcing out the words sorry as much as his inexperienced-at-apologies ass could - that's real.

There is No apology that can cover what he did to Izzy. It's way too big. How do you apologize for maiming someone?

Try to imagine apologizing for causing a car crash. You drove drunk and crashed and the other driver is in the hospital permanently injured. How do you apologize for something like that? Is anything enough?

You make changes to your own life, stop drinking/give talks/etc but how do you face someone after that?

You don't. You don't meet their eyes when you say sorry. You can't.

Ed looking away, looking down at the leg he cost Izzy, forcing an unpracticed apology through his guilt, that is sincere.

It's not enough, nothing could be enough, but it's real.

#ofmd season 2 spoilers #ofmd #our flag means death #spoiler season 2 #ofmd season 2 #ofmd meta

[jesuisici33]

WIP Wednesday

tagged by @tizniz @daffi-990 @wikiangela @theotherbuckley @bidisasterbuckdiaz @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @wildlife4life @carlos-in-glasses @loveyouanyway @exhuastedpigeon @hippolotamus @rainbow-nerdss this wip is inspired by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels' threesome fic, Both Bermuda and Golden (Lost but Doing Just Fine), specifically chapter four so...thank them?

The thing is Eddie doesn’t know what he wants until it’s right in front of him.

Usually someone will make a stray comment or joke and it’s like Eddie is punched in the face with divine intervention. Suddenly that one comment is all he can think about for days or weeks and it’s all he can do to either take charge of that idea and make it his own or lock it up in a box and try to forget about it.

One of those comments happens one of the times he goes to hang out with Tommy.

It’s months after Tommy and Buck break up and soon after Eddie and Buck get together. Who knew that finding out your best friend is bisexual would be the turning point in finding out that you're gay and in love with said best friend? Luckily things with Tommy and Buck ended amicably with Tommy even joking he knew there was something going on between the two of them. “I just wondered if you two would’ve figured it out at some point.”

But now Eddie gets to enjoy Buck’s kisses and the fact that Tommy once enjoyed those same kisses somehow doesn’t bother him. Eddie still hangs out with Tommy and flies with him to Vegas to go see fights and works on cars in their spare times. Buck even comes to their basketball games sometimes to cheer them on. And it’s not like Buck dropped Tommy completely either, he still takes flying lessons from Tommy – just in a platonic way than a romantic one like before.

Except one day while Eddie was leaving for another trip with Tommy, Buck made a comment. And it’s a joke, Eddie knows it was. He always knows when Buck is joking. He just can’t get this joke out of his head.

“Alright, fine. You have fun with your sugar daddy while I’m left to do all the chores around here. I see how it is.”

Eddie can feel his face get hot – the same heat that graces his features whenever Buck says, “Fuck, you just can’t get enough of that cock, now can you?” when Eddie’s on his knees for Buck. And Eddie knows it’s not sexual. However he can’t help but imagine scenarios where that could happen. Tommy takes him out and as a thank you he gets on his knees for him, Buck guiding him along because he still can’t get the hang of deepthroating. 

He should’ve known that Buck took notice by the way Eddie’d stammered out a goodbye that he wouldn’t let that go.

tagging @911-on-abc @eddiebabygirldiaz @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @pirrusstuff @your-catfish-friend @liminalmemories21 @carlos-tk @bonheur-cafe @loserdiaz @ladydorian05 @aroeddiediaz @kitteneddiediaz @diazsdimples @steadfastsaturnsrings @watchyourbuck @cultofsappho @spotsandsocks @saybiwithme @fortheloveofbuddie @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut

#911 #my fic

[skinnywalker]

Could you do Doric x reader nsfw and sfw alphabet?

Doric both SFW and NSFW abcs

SFW

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Doric likes to show her affection in anyway she thinks you'll like. She wants to care for you in your way so whatever your love language is she'll be using to her advantage.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

She's an amazing best friend. Super supportive and caring. She'll always use her powers to help and protect you. All and all the best best friend you can imagine.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

She isn't very physical but like I said she wants to care for you the same way you care for her. So if your physical she is physical but only in the way you are. If you cuddle she cuddles if not she doesn't.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I mean she already very devoted to her home so the fact that you'd be a part of it is her dream.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

She'd break up with you if she felt you were in danger by her. She has lost enough people and even if it hurts her she won't let you die.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Like the settling down that really what she wants. Just you and her together. Of course she wants to get married.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

She isn't rough and isn't gentle. She is her own pace and you'll get used to it.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Again not super hyped about physical affection but she take it if it's your thing.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

She says the words when it's just the two of you in peace and she whispers it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Not super jealous but she is very protective and will step in.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Her kisses are soft and quick. They sending warm to your whole face and feel like as gentle as fur against your face.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Ok. Depends on the kids really.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

She doesn't stay in bed much so all of your mornings are on the run but she still wants you to be a part of them.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

She is a morning person but she'll stay up as long as she can with you just talking.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

It takes a while to open up about herself and her trauma. Her trust takes time and patience to build. If you stay with her you'll prove yourself to her and she tell you more personal information.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

She has a long fuse but but when she snaps she really loses it. She can stay really angry for a while and she acts on the anger. She definitely fights people for no reason cause she doesn't like them.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Most everything. Like stuff you don't remember she'll remember because she tries so hard to.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The way you both work together on everything. She loves the fact you work so well together.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

The most protective. Nothing will happen to you under her watch and she fights tooth and nail against anything in her path for you.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

All of it. She tries to be perfect in every way for you and you'll need to tell her to not overwork herself for your sake.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Over working herself. Doric is a perfectionist and she burns herself out so fast. You need to help her accept want she's done.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

She doesn't really care how she looks and in a strange way she doesn't care how you look.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yes. You've become her other half and you do everything together. She feel empty without you.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

She gets snacks specifically for you two to share and it's her favorite thing to do together.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Share you. Like at all. All of your friends are hers or they aren't your friends anymore.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

She moves a lot in her sleep and sometimes shifts her form slightly so good luck trying to spoon.

NSFW

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

So sweet. She makes sure you're comfortable and not in any pain. She'll bring you anything you need or give you a bath or back rub.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Hers are her arms. They're the most capable part of her body and she love how they control you. She loves your chest regardless of how flat or round. She spends all her time sucking hickies on your chest.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Inside you because she doesn't like getting you messy.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Totally leaves hickies in slightly seeable places so you don't know people see them but they do. It's her way of claiming you and you'll never know she doesn't it on purpose.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

A little. She's had other partners before and has been courted but she is still pretty unfamiliar so don't be scared.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Lotus. She loves seeing you face and you body react to pleasure. Plus she gets easy access to marking you up.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Totally serious but if you joke she'll laugh cause she always laughs with yiu.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

She is well groomed in general so she takes fairly good care of herself. She isn't shared but normal trimmed especially around her sex.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Super sweet and close. All she wants to do is be fused of you during sex.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

She never realky did before you and she doesn't ever with you unless it's part of sex.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Marking/hickies, praise (giving and receiving), primal play, and animal play (her as the animal).

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Just her bed. Makes her feel safe and intimate and like you're only hers.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

You wanting sex really. She finds you super hot but really just you being in the mood gets her truly going.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

No sharing you or hurting you in anyway. Even if you ask she'll say no.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Giving. It's just in her nature to be giving so it's what she perfers.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and drain out. She likes taking her time and fully unraveling you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

She doesn't like them because she really likes being intimate and quickies makes that hard.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Some. Like fucking in trees or on horse back or fucking as an animal but she has limits and prioritizes your safety.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

2 or 3 no more no less. She is strong but gets overwhelmed fast.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

No because she can just use herself. She'll turn into an creature you want and she does use her tail.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

She does like to drain you to begging sometimes but she'll never just hold out on you without fulfillment.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

She's pretty quiet other then some soft moaning and gasping.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

She love boobs like has a hyperfixation on boobs. Also as previously said she uses her tail. Sometimes as another limb but sometimes for actual sex.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

She is pretty average in most categories but but she is good with what she has.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Only wants sex when you want it and she really doesn't have that high of a drive.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Right after she knows your happy and comfortable. Normally after you have.

#doric #doric x reader #doric smut #dnd #dnd movie #dungeons and dungeons #dungeons and dragons honor among thieves

[bingbongsupremacy]

ABC's

I tried thinking of characters with names that matched the ABC originally, but I'm just going by fic names now. Some r probably going to be short.

The plain x reader stories don't describe body type, size or gender.

Coming soon....

Almonds - Abby Anderson x reader

Summary: Abby shares the last bit of her food with you when times get tough.

Baby - Joel Miller x reader who can get pregnant

Summary: It's getting harder and harder to spend time with your husband and you have some really important news. (Pre-Outbreak)

Camp Counselor Pt. 2 - Steve Harrington x plus sized reader

Summary: It's your third year being a camp counselor at Camp Hawkins and your 7th year knowing Steve. Every year your crush seems to grow stronger and stronger.

Don't Let Me Go - Ellie Williams x reader

Summary: After a near death experience, you're afraid for Ellie to leave you alone.

Every Night - Max Mayfield x reader

Summary: Every night since 7th grade, Max has made it a mission to say goodnight -Face to face. At tonight's visit, you discover that your friendship might have been more than you thought it was.

Fall Out - Isaac Lahey x reader

Summary: Your relationship with Isaac grows more and more strained as the days go by. Will he finally tell you what's going on?

Gumball Machine - Steve Rogers x reader

Summary: All you want is a gumball. Unfortunately, you're out of change.

Heart Breaker - Jonathan Byers x reader

Summary : No matter what you do, Jonathan Byers will never be in love with you. Not the way he is with Nancy anyways.

Incognito - Eddie Munson AU x reader

Summary: All you wanted was a cup of coffee from the new cafe on Main Street. You definitely didn't expect to spill coffee on the Metal Icon Eddie Munson.

Jacket - Eddie Munson x reader

Summary: The night Chrissy went over to Eddie's trailer, you went to. I mean, you weren't going to let Chrissy just go to a strangers house without back up. Unfortunately, when things go wrong, you end up on the same wanted poster as Eddie. Together, you're forced to run away.

Knock Knock Pt.2 - Ellie Williams College AU

Summary: A simple request to turn the music down turns into a frustrating back and forth battle. Why does your neighbor have to be so damn attractive?

Lonely Pt. 2 - Stranger Things Zombie Apocalypse AU

Summary: A few days after the zombie apocolypse took over Hawkins you lost everyone. Once you finally run out of supplies, you're forced to venture out into the town, hoping not to run into anyone and make it to safety alive. Unfortunately, life doesn't always go how you want it.

Marry Me? - Spencer Reid

Summary: Spencer asks you to marry him at the most random time. Garcia does not approve.

Newborn - Joel Miller

Summary: Joel's nervous about holding your new baby.

Outcast - Eddie Munson

Summary: Making friends in a new town is proving to be very hard. That's why when a strange guy asks if you want to join his club, you don't hesitate to join. After all, how bad could these guys be?

Promise - Eddie Munson

Summary: Eddie promised to come back. After Eddie cut the sheet, preventing you from following him back into the upside down, he promised he'd come back.

Quiet - Johnathan Byers

Summary: When El offers to watch your newborn baby, you're finally able to get some desperately needed sleep.

Reciprocate - John Murphy

Summary: For as long as you've known John, he's always held you at an arms length distance. He's never shared more than he has to. That's why when his behaviors start changing, you're very confused.

Secret Admirer - Steve Harrington

Summary: Never would you have imagined that someone could have a crush on you.

Tell Me Pretty Lies - Theo Raekan

Summary: You've had a feeling that Theo might be cheating on you for a while. Is everything he's said a lie?

Under the Trees - Robin Buckley

Summary: You're in love with Robin. You have been since Freshman year. It breaks your heart whenever she talks about another girl. Unfortunately for you, lately that seems to be all she has to talk about.

Valentine - Max Mayfield

Summary : You ask Max to be your Valentine, unsure of how it's going to play out.

Weak - John Murphy

Summary: You're sick. After days of taking care of the fellow 100, you start to feel the affects of sickness taking over. Who's going to take care of you?

Xenial - Joel Miller

Summary: You're a newcomer in Jackson. Due to lots of new people, you're left with no choice but to share a house with Ellie and Joel. It's only temporary, right?

Yearbook - Nancy Wheeler

Summary: It's finally the end of senior year. While flipping through the pages of your signature filled yearbook, you discover something you never thought you would.

Zander's Pizzaria - Peter Parker

Summary: Closing sucks. Especially when your coworker calls out sick and you're left to do everything by yourself. Things take a turn for the worst when gun welding thiefs threatens your life.

#fanfiction #fanfic #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie x you #ellie williams #ellie williams tlou #ellie the last of us #ellie williams x female reader #ellie tlou #marvel x reader #marvel #marvel x you #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peterparker x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve x reader #steveharrington x yn #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you

[helpmemomikilledaman]

Hajime: My ultimate goal is to punch God in the eye, just to spite him one last time.

Makoto: You know, when Nagito comes over, Hajime can get a little… Kaede: Psycho? Kyoko: Scary? Shuichi: Drunk? Makoto: All three.

Kaede: You have to apologize to them Kokichi. Kokichi: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!

Shuichi: "I lost a bet." Shuichi: The second-most ominous phrase in existence. Kaede: What's the first? Shuichi: "Let's make a bet."

Shuichi: If you kill me, my teeth only have a 2 drop rate. Hajime: What? Shuichi: Good luck.

Hajime: Whatever happened to the concept of less is more? Nagito: But if less is more, then just think of how much more 'more' will be!

Kaede: We’re going to defeat you with the power of friendship. Kokichi: We’re not friends. Kaede, holding an axe: We’re going to defeat you with the power of incredible violence.

Kyoko: If bees can be fish and boys can be girls, then why can't my dad love me? Byakuya: I thought I was going to have to yell at you, but now I think I should hug you.

Comments under an image of a really hot knife cutting bread Kokichi: Imagine stabbing someone with this knife. Shuichi: It would instantly cauterize the wound, so the person wouldn't bleed, so it's not very useful. Chiaki: if you want information it is Makoto: why would you STAB a person when you can have TOAST?

Makoto: I want a bf. Byakuya: Do you mean best friend, boyfriend or bread feast? Because you’re being really vague here.

Kokichi: Do you know the ABCs of first aid? Chiaki: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.

Makoto: You’ve got to learn to love yourself. Nagito: But don't you hate yourself. Makoto: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.

Nagito: I feel like the world would be better if I'd never been born. Kyoko: Aw… that's not true. Kyoko: It'd be exactly the same. Kyoko: You're not important.

Shuichi: Well Kokichi, I have to say, I'm really disappointed. Kokichi: Well, you didn't HAVE to say it. You could've just thought it.

Makoto: Here's two facts about me. Makoto: 1. I hate hot people. Makoto: 2. I'm a hypocrite.

Kaede: Fellas, I gotta know for science. Is the opposite of red green or blue? Makoto: Technically a mix of green and blue? Kaede: So blurple. Makoto: That's implying you're mixing blue and purple. Kaede: Would you rather have fucking bleen? MOTHERFUCKING GRUE? Makoto: You were confusing before but now I'm scared.

Kokichi: I just wanna be called cute 21/7. Shuichi: Why no 24/7? Kokichi: Snack breaks.

Makoto, to Shuichi: If Hajime doesn't say "I'm King of the world" within an hour on that boat, I will give you my next pay check. Hajime, within 5 minutes of getting on the boat: I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!

Byakuya: And have you learnt anything this Christmas, Shuichi? Shuichi: …Not really. Byakuya: Nothing? Shuichi: Tell you one thing I have learnt—Christmas; ultimately, commercial holiday. Who's the real winner at Christmas? Amazon. they have drones now! Tiny little dystopian slaves delivering iPads and headphones. I ordered a toaster; It was on the doorstep five hours later! Do we need that? It was 4.99! For a toaster! I mean, someone's being exploited there.

Shuichi: Where have you been all day? Hajime: Oh, just dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.

Nagito: Hajime annoyed me today so I told them that I can’t wait to see what they have planned for our special day tomorrow. Kaede: There is nothing special about tomorrow. Nagito: But there is something special about watching the color leave their face as panic takes over.

Shuichi: I’m the smartest, wisest person in this group. Chiaki: Really? Then why is your hand stuck in a vending machine? Shuichi: I paid for my Mars Bar, I’m getting my Mars Bar.

Hajime: WHO THE FUCK- Kaede: Whoa, language! Hajime: I speak fucking English! Kaede: …

Chiaki: I need a long word. Shuichi: T-rex but the long one.

Kyoko: sSSSHIT- I BURNT MY LIP- Kokichi: …Why the fuck would you even drink coffee with a METAL STRAW in the FIRST PLACE?? Kyoko: BECAUSE WE WERE OUT OF THE PLASTIC ONES!

Makoto: :) Hajime: >:( Makoto: Turn that frown upside down! Hajime: ):< Makoto: Not sure what I was expecting…

Makoto: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Hajime and not do the thing, Makoto: Well there’s a clear right answer here. Makoto: proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke

Kyoko: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire?? Makoto: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔 Nagito: Why were you microwaving a lemon??? Makoto: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots. Shuichi: Did you burn an orange too? How??? Makoto: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

Kaede: Hajime likes to win. When they were 8, a little Club Scout friend of theirs bragged they could sell the most cookies. Kaede: Damned if Hajime didn't walk the neighborhood till they got blisters on their feet, and won by 10 boxes. Kaede: Best part is, Hajime wasn't even a Club Scout.

Nagito: You know, Hajime, when you generalize, you tell general… lies. Hajime: … Hajime: Are you trying to teach me moral lessons through puns.

or

Nagito: You know, Kokichi, when you generalize, you tell general… lies. Kokichi: … Kokichi: Are you trying to teach me moral lessons through puns.

Hajime: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine. Nagito: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again. Hajime: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns?? Nagito: Is it working?

#danganronpa #komahina #naegami #saiouma #hinanami #saimatsu #naegiri #platonic or romantic your choice