#I’ve been a bit of a busy bee lately. in fact I’m starting a new campus job tomorrow! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pigeonfancier · 2 years

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Occasionally my mother actually manages to get a bee in my bonnet, and I'm never entirely sure if I'm more annoyed at her for being crazy, or if I'm more annoyed at myself for perseverating over this. So a bit of public hissing to get this out of my system, cw she's an abusive ass:

So, tldr on irl bullshit lately!

My brother has been being a disaster - my parents let him live in our childhood house for the past 4-5 years, because they'd moved out back in 2015 or so, and they just sold the house. Once they'd sold it, they found out that my brother has no savings, had not bothered to find a new place, had flown a roommate in from across the country, and expected to move back into my parents basement with this random man.

My brother is, like, almost his mid fucking thirties at this point, for the recooooord.

So, my mother has been obsessing over the fact literally no one except him approved of the "moving-back-in" plan, and she's been furious over how no one has been sympathetic. Because it's just another sign of how he's just hated and slighted by everyone in the family, boo hoo, we are all monsters, etc, etc. Keep in mind: my sister and I have paid his rent before when he was in apartments, my dad only was charging him $300 or so monthly to rent this entire damn house, and on top of both those things, he returned that favour by absolutely fucking over the house through refusing to do any maintenance. My brother has been coddled in basically every way you can be.

Separate from that, I have been having cardiac issues all month, give or take. I've had issues with my heart since I was born, have always had chest pains, went to the cardiologist yearly as a child, so I've been collecting data on my blood pressure and BPM to drag into the office in a month or so. Because without data on everything, it is easier to dismiss me than it is to figure out what's fucking up now - this has been a huge, reoccurring problem for me for most of my life!

As a result, my sister, my father and my friends have all been very fussy about how I should avoid stress right now, stay calm and sit still. Because when you're pingponging between 90bpm to fucking 160bpm while literally just typing on a computer in your air conditioned home, and you have a strong family history of strokes.. no one wants you exerting yourself. For some reason! Irritating, but fair and reasonable. Reason why I’ve gotten off my ass and started properly gardening this year: it’s light exercise that doesn’t spike my bpm, doesn’t fucking wreck me, and has enough productivity to it that it doesn’t make me feel like it’s a waste of time.

No one except for my mother has been terribly interested in helping my brother out! So my mother has been helping my brother find a place and move instead, with my father paying for shit and providing physical labour. My sister is busy! I am busy, and the general consensus from everyone is that I should just hold the fuck still. Do light exercise, keep an eye on my heart rate, try to figure out what’ll bring it down and identify if there’s any triggers to it spiking up.

So, a few days ago, she heard my father and I discussing my heart rate! Specifically, the fact I fucked up my fat ratios on a meal the prior night, and I'd spent most of the day vomiting as a result, so he was expressing sympathy over my dealing with that AND the cardiac issues, and discussing how his heart had been a piece of shit in his twenties, when he decided to replace sleep and food with coffee and energy drinks while training for a fight. Turns out: that was a terrible idea!

My mother, upon hearing us talking, asked me if I'd help her out with getting rid of some of my brothers shit, by taking it and her to Goodwill. I said yeah, sure. Why not? My default inclination to people requesting help has always been to say yes, and the way I figured it was - I'm not moving anything, it's not a far drive, it's whatever, yeah?

It should have been whatever! But instead, once we are in the car and driving, she decided to start trying to scream at me about how my cardiac issues - which I have had since childhood, mind you! - are just from me getting ANXIOUS, and my father and I just like MAKING THINGS UP, and we need to GET OVER IT, etc etc. If I actually had any issues, I would have gone to the doctor immediately, but instead, I was either an IDIOT or else I was just COMPLAINING, and it's NOT A BIG DEAL, etc, etc, this entire laundry list of absolutely bizarre bullshit.

And not screaming, as in "spoke loudly", screaming as in "is she having a fucking psychotic break”, because I can’t say that I’ve ever expected the response to my heart fucking up would be someone screaming at me over it. Someone who does not pay my medical bills, mind, and who heard this all from eavesdropping.

So obviously, the trip did not happen. I did not take her to Goodwill, and I have not spoken to her since!

Because, first off: I have heart issues, because it's her shitty bloodline that has 16 year olds with fucking pacemakers and everyone having strokes. This is a genetic issue, which was exacerbated by medication I was given as an infant, and which I've been getting on and off medical care for since I was a fucking infant. They had the extensive medical bills to fucking prove it.

Second off: what the actual fuck?

This has been a few days now. There's been no apology, or acknowledgement of this batshittery, because, as she's said before point blank - she doesn't need to ever apologise to my father, sister or I, because you don't apologize to family. (She got bit over that, but apparently, still holds to it.) Instead, her solution has been to try and buy me shit!

This is batshit for many reasons, but one is: I do not like gifts. I petition every year for everyone to Just Not Do Christmas. I do not like birthday gifts. I do not like even getting cards. I accept them if they're given, for the most part, but if you spend more than $5 and you aren't my sister, I do not want it. If you’re giving me something period, you’re not my sister, and you have not explicitly asked my permission prior, I do not want it. This has been a thing forever.

The other reason it's batshit: she found my brother an apartment, but she thinks it's too expensive for him, so she's just planning on paying part of his bills every month. So, even if I was materialistic enough to be down with an item over an apology, for her screaming at me for my health issue taking attention away from her son.. I’d probably be materialistic enough that it would fall pretty fucking flat flat to get a $200 dollar item when she's talking about how she's going to have to budget to drop $100 or more every month on my older brother.

Crazy shit! She's always an asshole and you always have to keep that in mind when dealing with her. But this is way, way more overt crazy than I've had to deal with since I fucking turned 18 or so, and I'm just.. as baffled as I am irritated over all of this, because man. Man! She has a TBI that impacts her behavior, but there's really no excuse behind "isolate someone to scream at them while they’re experiencing severe trachycardia", ever, beyond being an abusive chucklefuck. And then trying to buy me shit to win back my tolerance afterwards is just..

Girl, you've been around me for 29 years and you still don't know I hate gifts, after at least 15 years of my saying, at least twice a year, every year, that I hate gifts? You spent the first ten years I was alive having to take me into a cardiologist every year for the EKG[?] weird jelly heart scan shit, and you’re going to scream that I don’t have any problems with my heart?

Literally anything to make my brother more of a victim, I fucking guess. I’m always so thrown and baffled over this shit, because.. I don’t know! It’s unflattering and inefficient and I can’t even imagine what results that she’s trying to get from the vast, vast, vast majority of her behaviour at this point, because it just doesn’t make common fucking sense. Which might be the whole TBI thing, but jesus fucking chriiist.

#d. rambles #just baffling!#baffling baffling baffling

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sentinelpri · 3 years

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Yellow Roses

The first time was a learning experience.

Bumblebee had been innocent to the ways of human gift-giving back then, unsure of what to get or where to get it, but after using the internet and looking up where to buy gifts for humans, he found that there was a gift shop down the street from where the Autobot base was, and he begged and pleaded with Sari for some of her allowance money “for something important”.

He wasn’t sure what he wanted to get. What he was sure of, though, was that he was completely enamored with you and had been since day one- and he couldn’t bring himself to confess yet, but if he didn’t channel his feelings somehow, they were going to burst.

But as he approached the gift shop on that sunny day in Detroit, no other than Optimus Prime walked out and bumped into him. Thankfully, before he could fall back at the impact, Optimus reached out and caught him, placing him back on his feet with one strong servo.

“P-Prime, hey!” Bumblebee grinned and tried to look as inconspicuous as possible. He knew he wasn’t guilty of anything nefarious, per say, but he had no idea how Optimus would feel about him being in love with a human and wanting to buy gifts for said human with money that wasn’t his. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh, nothing much...” The other Autobot blatantly lied and hid a bouquet of blue and gold flowers that Bee didn’t know the name of behind his back, face burning the brightest shade of red the smaller bot had ever seen it. “Are you looking for something in particular?”

“I don’t know, I mean, what do humans even like?” Bumblebee muttered without thinking, and upon seeing Optimus’s optics widen, he raised his servos defensively and shook his head. “I mean, uh-! Never mind! What’s up with the flowers?”

“Ah,” Optimus gave an awkward grin and held the flowers in front of him instead of continuing to hide them, probably realizing that it was too late and Bumblebee had already seen them. The younger bot wondered if they were for Optimus or for someone else, but he didn’t dare ask, only listening to his leader talk. “I learned that unlike some other organic planets, on earth, it’s considered rude to pick plants if they’re in close proximity to someone’s home or in front of a public building or park unless they’re a specific type called weeds, which flowers aren’t, but I wanted to buy some for someone, so I came here to pick them up after asking Sari about it. Are you gift buying, too?”

“Well, yeah, I guess you could say that,” Bumblebee looked away and held his forearm in one servo, anxiously shifting his weight between his stabilizing servos. It felt like him and Optimus Prime had reached into the cookie jar and caught each other.

Bumblebee didn’t dare ask who the flowers were for even though he was dying to know in fear that Optimus would ask who he was at the gift shop for in return. An uncomfortable silence fell onto them momentarily, both of them quiet and staring at each other with the noise of traffic and the bustling Detroit citizens walking on the pavement who kept passing by to keep them company.

“I’ve been doing some reading since Sari’s birthday is in a few months,” Optimus tried to continue the conversation and cleared his throat. “The customs for gift giving can involve about anything when it comes to human girls, but the most common are flowers, books, chocolates, jewelry, clothing, video games, or gifts of practicality, which just seem to be hygiene products and things they can use in their daily lives. Gift cards and vouchers with money on them are also common, but considered less personable, so I wouldn’t go that route if you’re close with the one you’re buying for unless they specifically ask for it.”

“Oh... I gotcha. Good ideas, bossbot!” Bumblebee smiled again, the corners of his lip-plates sore from how forced it was due to his nerves.

What if Optimus had figured it out? That would defeat the whole point of his plan; buy you nice things and leave them at your door in the middle of the night without his name attached. It was simple and easy, but if Optimus knew before he even got to try it?

Well. That made it a lot harder.

Thankfully, though, Optimus gave him a nod and bid him a good afternoon, then walked away.

Bumblebee found himself letting out a sigh of relief.

Thank Primus...

...Hours later, Bumblebee regretted all of his life decisions. He was sitting, holed up in his room with one audial pressed up against your wall. It was a terrible habit of his, but he eavesdropped on you pretty frequently when he heard bits and pieces of you talking through the wall, and he was doing it right now.

He wasn’t sure how he had expected it to go, but when he dropped the bouquet of yellow roses at your bedroom doorstep when you were out for lunch and no one was in the halls, he had hoped that you would simply take the flowers, appreciate them, and never say another word. However, you were currently telling Sari about it, which made sense considering that the young girl dropped by your room often and asked you to do her hair or makeup as an excuse to spend time with you- you were an adult, a lot older than Sari, but the two of you got along very well considering that you were the only one who actually knew how to take care of her properly when Isaac Sumdac wasn’t around.

“I have no idea!” You exclaimed, no doubt in reference to the flowers. Bumblebee cringed. What if Sari made the connection that the money he had borrowed from her was for that? What if she told everyone, or what if you told everyone, and Prime realized why he was at that gift shop and let his secret slip? “I can only assume it was you or one of the guys, but like... I don’t know who.”

“Yeah, I have no idea! It wasn’t me, I would’ve just given ‘em to you. We should dig deeper, (y/n)!”

Oh. Oh, Primus, no.

“I’m not sure, Sari, whoever it was probably dropped it off like that for a reason,” Bumblebee heard you sigh, and at the same time, he let out a sigh of relief. Maybe you would just forget about it and-

“Wait! Do you have a secret admirer!?”

Dammit. Maybe not.

“I... Highly doubt that, the only one I’d be interested in anyways is-” You started, and then cut yourself off in a way that made Bumblebee’s spark shatter and crumble into little pieces inside his chassis. You were single, but you were already into someone? What if it wasn’t him? He’d understand, of course- Prime was stronger, Prowl was smooth, Bulkhead was talented, and Ratchet was intelligent. Compared to them, he felt like he didn’t have much to offer you. Everyone around him was amazing, and he was just there, but... He loved you, and he wanted you to know how loved you were. So, whether you’d love him back or not, he’d keep giving everything he had to you; even if the way in which he went about it was indirect. “Actually, never mind, but your braids are done-”

“No, wait, you can’t just gloss past that!” Sari whined. Bee almost didn’t want to hear the rest of your discussion, but he couldn’t keep himself from listening. “Who is it, who is it!?

“Let’s just go play Animal Crossing in the living room, we can talk about all of that at a later date, yeah?” You offered, voice laced with both your amusement and confusion.

“Fine, fine, but you have to tell me soon! Pinky promise.”

“Fine, pinky promise. Now let’s go.”

Bumblebee heard your door open and close, followed by what he presumed to be you and Sari’s footsteps in the hallway. The sound eventually dissipated.

The Autobot was left to lay back on his berth and stare at the ceiling with a huff.

You were telling others about the gift he left, trying to get to the bottom of it, and you were into someone or somebot he didn’t even know about.

What had he gotten himself into?

The second time, he felt a little better about it. It was a week later and he hadn’t heard any discussion of the subject amongst the other Autobots, so he assumed nothing had come from it.

But, as he lounged on the living room couch, he jumped upon you sitting down on the couch’s arm- right by where his head was laid.

It made sense that he had been jumpier around you over the past few days. Part of it was the usual I’m-in-love-with-you-and-super-tense-about-it jumpiness that he had become accustomed to, but it was made worse by the fact that he was guilty; guilty of keeping a secret from you, of indirectly lying to you. He could’ve done it the one time with the roses and let it die down after, but when you’d talked about your old game controller breaking the night before at the dinner table, he hadn’t been able to help himself- he went and got it along with a new bouquet of yellow roses, left it in front of your room later that night, knocked, and ran away.

It was the next day, and understandably, he’d been anxious about it. It was better than the first time, but he was just hoping you wouldn’t talk about it.

Of course, he was never that lucky, and you looked at him with the controller literally in your hands.

“Hey, Bee, do you know anything about this?” You asked.

Had he been caught? Did you know? Or were you just trying to get information from him in case he knew something? Unsure, he decided to play it safe and act oblivious.

“Huh? What’s that?”

“I’m taking that as a no, but someone left this new controller on my doorstep with a bouquet of roses? I needed a new one, but I only mentioned it to you and the others, so I think it’s one of you guys... But this is the second time I’ve received a gift without any name on it and I’m really confused. I’ve done some asking around, but the only one who seems to know anything is Optimus, and he won’t give me any hints and insists that he has no idea what I’m talking about.”

Great. So, Optimus probably realized why Bumblebee had been at the gift shop last week. Well... From what you said, it sounded like Optimus was at least decent enough to stay out of his business and keep the secret for him- or try to, at least.

“Yeah? That’s weird, I don’t really know why he’d be like that about it... Wanna play Streetfighter?”

“Sure, but I’m just super confused, man,” You muttered, turning on the playstation and giving a frustrated huff. The game quickly turned on, and while Bee took the old controller, you connected your brand new one and chose your stage, your character being Akuma. Bee chose Ken to fight with and listened to you continue as the game started. “I thought the first time might’ve just been a one-off thing, but it’s happened again, and the flowers were one thing, but now it’s flowers and a new controller. Anyone else would be creeped out, and I’m not creeped out- more flattered than anything since I know it’s from you or one of the other Autobots- but this is really expensive... I’d at least like to be able to say thank you!”

“That makes sense, I think I’d feel the same way,” The black and yellow bot mumbled. The game had hardly started and he was already losing due to his inability to focus- it was so bad that he couldn’t even combat you when you crowded his character into the corner and kicked him over and over and over again. His health bar dropped to zero, signaling that you’d won round one.

Round two started, and he did a little better; actually jumping away from your cornering attempts and offering some blasts and punches, but by the time it ended, he’d only gotten you down to half health, and you were delivering your final blow. Ken fell to the ground, Akuma still standing.

You didn’t even press replay despite being player one. No, instead, you let out a huff and stared at the ceiling. Bumblebee found himself resting his helm against your thigh without thinking, enjoying the warmth against his faceplates. You two were best friends, very comfortable with each other and with physical affection, so you didn’t mind it, only running a gentle hand over one of his audials in return.

Both of you set your controllers down. It was obvious that both of you were so focused on the subject of your anonymous gifts that the game didn’t catch either of your interests like it usually would.

“I might try to ask Optimus about it again tomorrow... Information extraction,” You joked, but Bumblebee quickly sat up and objected.

“Wait, I don’t think that’s such a good idea!”

“Huh? Why not? He’s the only one who’s given me so much as a reaction,” You argued and stood up to turn the game system off, then started pacing around the room. “And I guess his eyes getting all wide ‘n stuff may have just been something else, but like... It’s all I’ve got to go on.”

“Yeah, but you know how the bossbot is,” Bee stood as well, trying his hardest not to look like he was in the midst of blowing a circuit from the panic that was currently taking over his processor. “He shuts down when you push him too hard. If he knows anything about it, you gotta wait for him to come to you with that sweet info.”

“You’re probably right, Bee, thanks for the advice,” You smiled, and then walked to him to put a hand on his shoulder plate. “I’m gonna go to bed, ‘kay? Goodnight.”

You looked into his optics, and oh Primus, he was gone; your eyes were such a beautiful shade of (e/c), and your smile was so beautiful, and you were so beautiful, and he was so in love-

Quickly, he realized that he was taking too long to respond, so he quickly stammered something out.

“G-Goodnight...”

And then, you left, swiftly turning and walking out of the living room.

Bumblebee found himself letting out a sigh of relief, but at the same time, he missed you desperately.

He wished he’d given you a hug goodnight.

And, as he stood alone in the dark living room, he thought back to how exactly he’d ended up in his current predicament; painfully in love with a human, giving them things without having the courage to do it face-to-face, life feeling like it was falling apart with every hour that passed without him being able to kiss you and tell you how much he loved you like he so desperately wanted to.

He’d loved you from the very start, and as bold as he was, he couldn’t bring himself to tell you- he was just too scared, but...

What if this was what finally gave it away...?

The third time was what ended up blowing his cover. He should’ve left it alone, and he had told himself that after the last time- it was far too close of a call when you talked about Optimus knowing something, and he was so obvious with his own emotions during that, too... He wouldn’t do it again.

But then, he was shopping with Sari that day and saw a (f/c) hoodie that was just your size and style, and he decided you had to had it. So, when Sari was distracted at a different store, he got the hoodie, along with a new notebook, some pens, and a stuffed bee. He bought the gifts for you and put them in a nice gift bag with some paper, then left them by your door and disappeared before anyone could see him.

He was sitting in the living room yet again. It was late at night, and though him and his team had spent most of that night playing board games and catching up with a movie playing in the background, they’d all went to bed hours ago, leaving him to think by himself.

He’d lost at every game; Uno, Monopoly, Candyland, Sorry, Cards Against Humanity, and Scrabble, all because he was staring at you the entire time.

Why couldn’t he just get over himself and confess already? It was selfish to keep hiding from you, because what if the one you’d mentioned being interested in was actually him? And even if it wasn’t him, was it fair for you to think that he saw you as a friend when he was secretly in love with you? Was it fair for you to keep receiving gifts and never knowing who they were from?

Speak of the devil, though- the second Bumblebee looked up from where he was standing in the middle of the room, you were leaning against the doorway, wearing the hoodie he’d bought you and a pair of pajama shorts. You looked sleepy with your (h/l) (h/c) hair a mess and your soft hands rubbing the bleariness out of your (e/c) eyes.

“Bee?” You mumbled.

“(y/n), where’d you just come from? You look tired! You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m tired, but I’m fine. I was in the hallway, kinda waiting for everyone else to go to bed so I could talk to you, but... It took me a minute to come in here.” Bumblebee walked towards you and raised his optical ridge. His spark sank to the floor because oh Primus, was this it? Was it finally happening?

“Oh, uh... Why do you need to talk to me alone? What’s up?”

You averted your gaze and gently grabbed one of his servos with your hand, holding it tightly. Bumblebee took a sharp intake. You were about to start talking, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for it.

“I know it’s you,” You confessed with a guilty smile. Bumblebee froze in place and cringed. “I feel bad, but my curiosity was killing me, so I asked around some more and did a lot of prying- Optimus seemed like he was hiding something when I talked to him about it, so I pried until he gave up and told me that he suspected it was you; that he’d seen you at a gift shop the day I got the first bouquet, that he’d seen you lingering in the hallways the past few times I’ve gotten something, etcetera. He gave me enough details that I pieced it together, so... Yeah.”

“Well, at least it’s out of the way,” Bumblebee laughed out loud, and surprisingly, you smiled back at him. This wasn’t how he wanted it to come out, but he wasn’t sure it would have come out at all if not for this. “Getting human money without a real job is hard! Glad I could at least confess without having to do it so much that I went bankrupt.”

“Bee...” You started again, peering up at him, but he felt like he wasn’t ready for what was going to happen next. Were you about to reject him? He wasn’t sure he wanted to find out.

“Well, now that that’s done, I’m gonna go ahead and go to bed! I could use a really good recharge right about now-”

“Bee-” You cut him off with a pout and gripped his servo, obviously not done, but he only continued in hopes that you would give it up and let him escape the situation.

“Goodnight, (y/n)-”

“Bee!” You yelled and pulled him towards you by his wrist so you could get in his face. “For God’s sake, man, stop and listen to me talk for a second!”

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry! I just-” He tossed his hands up defensively, ready to spill his circuits out, only for you to cut him off.

“You don’t think I love you back, right? You’re such a dolt!” You exclaimed.

“What’s that supposed to mean!?” Bumblebee yelled back at you, processor only catching the insult before he thought back on ‘I love you back’ and froze. “...Oh. Sorry.”

“I mean I’ve loved you for months now! Even before I realized it, I think I would’ve been more than open to dating you at any point in time, I mean... You’re pretty great. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Well, uh-” Bumblebee stopped and took in a deep intake, then sighed and linked your fingers with his digits so he could hold your hand properly. The anxiety that had been building up over you for so long now was finally leaving his body and being replaced by relief.“I don’t know. I feel kinda stupid now.”

“C’mere,” You mumbled and wrapped an arm around him. He hugged you back, taking you into his arms and resting his chin on top of your head... He could get used to that. You were warm and soft as you relaxed your body against his and allowed yourself to be held. You let go of his servo in favor of curling your hands and arms up by his chest. “Thank you for the gifts. They were really sweet and I loved them all, so... I’ll be sure to return the favor.”

“Return the favor? This is more than enough to return the favor!” He grinned, only hugging you tighter. “I’ve always wanted to just, like, hug you like this-”

“You can kiss me, too, if you want,” You offered, which had him pulling back to look down at you, spark lit aflame.

“Really?” Bumblebee asked, just to be sure.

“Of course.”

There was a moment of silence; hesitance from both ends. It was true that, while both of you had been physically affectionate as friends, you’d never kissed, and Bumblebee had certainly never kissed a human. He’d been waiting for this moment for so long, but he had no idea what to do now that it was actually happening.

Thankfully, you took the initiative and wrapped your arms over his shoulders, hands on the back of his neck. You looked up at him one more time before standing on your tip-toes so you could gently press your lips against his. Bumblebee was frozen still for a moment as he processed your warm, soft lips against his cool metal plating, but after the tension faded, he found himself resting his servos on your hips and melted into it.

One kiss turned into many; again, again, and again, you moved your lips against his in a manner so intoxicating that he couldn’t get enough of it.

Eventually, though, you pulled away and smiled up at him, but now that he had gotten to kiss you like that, he couldn’t help but want more.

“I, uh... I’m not sure the favor has been returned yet,” Bumblebee averted his optics from your eyes, able to feel his spark beating faster. “I might need one more kiss just to be sure-”

You chuckled, cutting him off by leaning up again and sloppily pushing your lips against his- and, with that, he was gone.

#bumblebee #tfa bumblebee #tfa optimus prime #optimus prime #tfa #transformers animated #transformers #fanfiction #x reader #bumblebee x reader #fluff #bulkhead #tfa bulkhead #bumblebee is the simpiest simp #and we love him for it #king goes bzbzbzbzbz #haha totally not writing comfort content rn bc jenny jinya released a new comic no sir

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darthkruge · 3 years

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Anakin Skywalker x Reader ~ Help

Summary: The five times the Senator!Reader needs Anakin’s help but refuses to ask for it and the one time they do

Warnings: Language, reader is afraid of vulnerability, reader is going through it, angst, violence, fluff (it ends on a positive note, I promise)

Words: 4k

A/N: This idea has kinda been bouncing around my head for a hot minute and I finally decided to just go ahead and write it. And somehow it became the longest fic I’ve ever written! Is this self-indulgent? Who’s to say?!

(not my gif)

Okay, so a right, then a left, then another left, then-

You groaned. You’d been going over the cryptic instructions Padme gave you back at the temple but they were, unfortunately, not helping. It was your first time alone in Coruscant and you were completely lost in the painfully literal sense. You had just been given your first actual mission with the Council as a senator, something you’d worked your entire career for. As an added bonus, you were on the same planet as your boyfriend, Anakin Skywalker.

You’d gotten close over the last year and were elated when he asked you on a date the last time you were in the same place. This was the first time you were together in the two weeks it had been since then.

Anyway, you were currently wandering around the bustling Coruscant streets, looking for the market. Well, you were looking for the market. Now, you realized you would probably never find it and were just trying to make your way back.

You debated calling Anakin. You could. He would be able to guide you home easily, you rationalized. But it’s Coruscant! How difficult could it be? If people came here for missions all the time and didn’t get hopelessly lost, so could you! And Anakin was probably busy anyway, you didn’t want to disturb him. Besides, the relationship was so new! You didn’t want to annoy him. After weighing the odds, you pushed down the urge to reach out and decided to just find your own way.

This logic was ridiculous, you realized far too late. Fuck. There was no way around it, you were going to be late. Or at the very least, cut it exceptionally close. You started running, heart racing. It would be so stupid to be late to your first actual Council meeting because you got lost. You wanted them to take you seriously and think of you as a professional. Tardiness as a first impression went against all of that!

After sprinting and taking several aimless turns, by some stroke of magic you found your way to the Temple. You checked the time and realized you had two minutes to make it to up several flights of stairs.

Fuck it. You decided, taking off in a run. You took the stairs two at a time, stumbling occasionally before unceremoniously bursting through the doors to the meeting.

You gulped in air quickly, chest heaving while you desperately tried to calm your heart. You inelegantly brushed a hand through your hair and gave an awkward smile.

“Hi, uh, everyone! Hi! I’m,” You took a quick break to breathe in some more oxygen as your gaze shifted to Anakin. He looked amused and concerned as he took you in. He gave you a discreet and supportive smile and head nod. You gave your own in return. He believes in me. “I’m Senator Y/N L/N”

II.

Honestly, you didn’t know how your speeder had broken. You’d been flying them for years and, despite being a senator, you were pretty damn good at it. It was something that gave you solace as a kid, those little moments of freedom. Even then, though, you were a decently cautious person and didn’t break many of them.

Thus, you ended up in your current predicament. Staring at the fried wires under the hood of your speeder, trying to figure out what the fuck went wrong. You knew Anakin was freakishly talented at fixing basically everything. He could probably look at the speeder for 10 minutes, know what’s wrong with it, and get it back to you in perfect shape.

You think this is why you don’t want to tell him. What if he thought you were stupid? Shouldn’t you be able to figure this out yourself? You fought with your instincts, feeling the conflict build inside you.

You knew he wouldn’t judge you. You knew he’d be glad you came to him for help. Even so, you felt physically incapable of moving to call or find him.

Frustrated, you turned back to your work. You decided to pull this one gear, thinking it might do something. Well, you were right about that. A stream of oil sprayed out of the speeder, coating you in its thick, black paint. You stood there frozen for a second, trying to mentally comprehend that you had just been sprayed with oil because you were too afraid to talk to the man you were in a literal relationship with!!

You groaned, wiping your hands on your pants before grabbing a towel to wipe some of the grease off your face. You walked back into your apartment quickly, praying to the Maker that no one would see you like this. Honestly, they’d probably smell you first and run the other way.

You finally got back without problems and made a bee-line straight to the bathroom. Pulling off your clothes and turning on the hot shower, you sighed as you finally felt the oil washed off your skin. You spent about twenty minutes in there, scrubbing furiously to ensure you didn’t smell like a fucking garage.

Finally, you went out and saw Anakin sitting on your bed, messing with a piece of wiring.

“Hey, Y/N! Did you know your speeder was broken? It looks like you blew a cable, easy fix, don’t worry. I’ll have it ready for you by tonight.”

He looked up and saw your exhausted state and the clump of dirty, grease ridden clothes you were holding.

His brow furrowed, trying to piece it together. “Maker, what happened to you?”

“I had a fight with the speeder. And lost”

Anakin bit back a laugh before his confusion compounded. “Wait, you know I can fix this, right? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to think I was an idiot. I mean, I did something and broke an entire speeder and somehow didn’t even know what I broke! It’s humiliating!”

“Cables are hard, it’s not your fault you didn’t know what to do, love.”

“Really?” You asked, unconvinced.

“Really. Come on, let’s go throw those clothes in the wash and I’ll get back to fixing this.”

“Oh, no, Ani you don’t have to-”

Anakin cut you off with a kiss, distracting you enough to quickly take the clothes from your hands.

“I’ll have it ready within the hour, my love.”

III.

Who the fuck decided to put the plates that high up?!

You jumped again and again, arm outstretched as far as possible. Once again, you didn’t even get close. Sighing, you looked around the apartment and noticed a ladder. It looked a bit unsteady but you would be fine, right? You were a whole ass senator, you were sure you could handle an old ladder.

Pulling it over to you, you climbed up and reached out. Much closer this time, but you still couldn’t reach them. You went on your tiptoes, eyebrows furrowed and lip bit in concentration. You angled your body just a little further, a little further-

The ladder was suddenly ripped out from under you and you desperately shot your arms out, hands clawing to try and stop your imminent fall onto the hard kitchen tiles. Bracing yourself for the inevitable pain, you squeezed your eyes closed.

“Y/N!!” You heard as your fall suddenly stopped. You opened your eyes and noticed you were barely floating above the floor. Anakin ran toward you and noticed the ladder strewn on the floor beside you.

“What the hell were you doing?” He said, offering you his hand and pulling you up.

“I was just-” You gesture lamely to the plates, realizing how ridiculous you must look.

“Y/N, no one can reach those! Next time, just call me, I’ll get them for you!”

“But-” You sigh, hating this. “I wanted to be able to do this, I don’t want to rely on you and your Jedi powers all the time”

Anakin’s gaze softened. He knew you had trouble relying on others. Even so, he couldn’t even start to think of what would have happened if he’d arrived home even 10 seconds later.

“I know, baby, I know. But, please, try. You’d have to rely on me a lot more if you break your legs falling off a ladder.”

“I know” You reply softly, giving him a shy smile. “I’m working on it, I promise”

IV.

You’d been up all night working on a new presentation for the Council. You’d spent hours going over it, the facts, the plans, the details. Everything was set. Well, everything except one little piece. To make your point stronger, you needed the statistics from the latest Jedi missions.

The only people with access to those were Anakin and Obi-Wan. You knew, logically, that if you asked Anakin he’d give them to you without hesitation. He supported you always and knew that you only used your power as a senator to improve lives.

Even so, there was that part of your brain that told you he wouldn’t give them to you. He would think you’re just trying to use him for his connections as a Jedi. Or perhaps he simply wouldn’t care enough to search through the reports to find the information.

All of this was, of course, completely inaccurate. But you’d never had someone who actually wanted to help you. It's always been “okay I’ll do this for you but only if you do this for me, too.” No one ever looked out for you and you’d grown accustomed to it. It’d become almost comforting, in a way. At least you knew what to expect.

This was how you ended up seeing your beautiful boyfriend across the halls of the Jedi temple and walking another way. Your heart tugged painfully and your brain screamed at you. Why don’t you allow yourself to trust him? Why would you assume the worst? Why can’t you fight these thoughts?

You took one more look back at him. You didn’t want to be closed off by any stretch of the imagination. You wished you could turn off the thoughts and the doubt. You knew Ani didn’t deserve it. You sighed. There he was, training by himself in the courtyard. You looked away and took a moment to compose yourself before your legs carried you away and toward your good friend.

“Hey, Obi-Wan, could you help me with something for the next Council meeting?”

You were running. You were running and as fast as you moved, you never got closer to him. You were never safe. A masked figure was chasing you and you just couldn’t get away. Your legs burned with the effort, your lungs straining to grasp oxygen. You were exhausted to your core, your sheer panic the only thing keeping you awake.

You looked back and saw the man gaining on you. Tears started streaming down your cheeks. You knew what he was capable of and had no doubt he would kill you if he caught you. You didn’t want to die, not like this. You didn’t want him to beat you. You were so, so scared. You screamed as he caught up to you, your body no longer moving. You pleaded with your legs to work, reasoned with the heavens, did anything you could, and yet you wouldn’t budge.

The stranger’s claw of a hand twisted around your neck, squeezing. You fought. It was pointless. You began to black out, feeling the life slip out of your body. Dark spots appeared in the corners of your vision and you tried once again to kick your way out of his grasp-

You bolted awake, eyes shooting open. Your chest was heaving and tear stains marked your cheeks. You placed your hands on the bed sheets, bunching them up and trying to feel the texture to remind yourself that you were safe. You tried to breathe, tried to calm yourself but nothing was working.

You got up, pacing quietly. Out of all the nights to have a nightmare, it had to be today. The one night you and Anakin weren’t together. Since you had to hide the relationship, you couldn’t technically share an apartment. This didn’t stop you from spending basically every night together, though. His chambers became yours after the first month or so of dating, neither of you wanting to spend time apart.

But, unfortunately, the Council seemed more cautious as of late and you didn’t want to risk it. Thus, you decided to spend tonight apart. Still, you couldn’t bring yourself to care right now. You grabbed one of his Jedi robes, pulling the black fabric around your body. You were immediately calmed by his scent and wrapped it closer around you. You started to make your way down the hall. You knew it was risky but after that nightmare, you just needed him.

You made it to his apartment, went to knock on the door, and abruptly stopped. What are you doing? You can’t just go to him! He’s exhausted, he’s been working all week! He finally got home from a mission and you want to wake him up in the middle of the night because you had a nightmare? It wasn’t even real! Maker, get a hold of yourself, Y/N!

Your hand hovered over the door. You wanted him, you did. But those lingering thoughts, those lingering emotions remained. A childhood of neglect, of constant feelings of unimportance left scars you couldn’t avoid. You hated that your parent’s inability to show you affection or care manifested in your inability to be vulnerable. Despite this, you somehow understood. You’d spent years letting them in and only getting invalidated in return. Like all patterns, this one wouldn’t go away just because you wanted it to.

Now, every time you tried to let Anakin in, it’s like an alarm was tripped in your brain. Every part of you that wanted to allow him to know you was combated with the overwhelming fear that, if you did, if you went to him for comfort or help, he would think of you as a burden. He’d leave, just like the rest of them did. So you pushed the urge for comfort aside, dropped your hand, and made the lonely walk back to your room.

You got back to your room, mentally beating yourself up. You wished your brain worked differently. You wished you would allow yourself to be loved. You wished you could trust, fully and completely. You sighed. Knowing you wouldn’t be getting any sleep, you made yourself a cup of tea and sat on your cough, the room solely illuminated by the moonlight. You kept Anakin’s robes around you, wishing it was his arms. You sat like that until morning, sipping the drink on and off until it grew cold. You were zoned out, staring out the window at the Coruscant traffic. Your thoughts either drifted to him or your past trauma. Maker, you wished you could change it.

Fuck. You’d been driving around on your speeder, zipping in and out of alleys, for the last twenty minutes. There was a bounty hunter after you. A damn good bounty hunter, at that. Being a high profile senator, it made sense you’d run into the occasional person trying to kidnap you. Or kill you.

Damn, this bitch is good. You kept trying to lose them but you couldn’t shake them. You didn’t even know who they were but it didn’t matter, you supposed. At the end of the day, regardless of who was in that speeder, they wanted you dead. And if you didn’t figure out how to get out of this mess, you would be.

They’d been shooting at you for a while now but you’d been able to avoid the blasts. Whether it was skill, luck, or a combination of both, you weren’t sure. Even so, you didn’t know what to do. You couldn’t shoot back at them, as you stupidly forgot your blaster. Who could blame you, though? All you wanted to do was go for a ride to clear your head, you didn’t expect to be fucking shot at!

You continued like this for a while. All you had to do was get back to the Temple. You were probably about 10 minutes away if you continued at this pace, 7 if you really pushed it. You looked ahead and saw the walls of it come into view and suddenly safety didn’t feel so far away. Despite the circumstances, a smile graced your face. You could do this.

Or maybe not. As you tried to swerve between more buildings, they hit you. You felt your speeder plummet 10 feet instantly and screamed. Your engine sputtered and your heart dropped. Mind racing, you tried to drive but came to the chilling realization that there was no way you’d make it back. Your engine was done for, it wouldn’t make it 3 minutes, yet alone all the way back.

Your mind went to him. Anakin. Fuck, you loved him. You let out a humorless laugh. Since you started dating, you almost never asked him for help. You couldn’t let him in. Something in your brain stopped you every single time. And yet, now, all of that felt stupid. It felt juvenile. When you looked at your speeder, slowly but surely stalling and the bounty hunter approaching, you felt this overwhelming sense of clarity.

You were going to die. This person, they would get to your speeder and shoot you. You didn’t have a single weapon. It was inevitable. Your mind, however, wouldn’t relent. It was stuck on him. In this moment, you pressed the comm button in your speeder, hoping beyond hope that it would still work.

“Y/N?” Anakin’s staticky voice cut through the speeder and went straight to your heart.

“Hey, Ani” You said, your voice broken up with unshed tears.

“Y/N? Where are you? What’s happening?”

“I’m- Anakin, I’m in trouble. A bounty hunter is after me, my speeder is hit and going to stop working probably within the next 20 seconds. I don’t have any weapons to defend myself. I, I, uh, I need your help”

“I’m coming to get you, stay where you are.” His voice was firm, his need to protect you overruling everything else in his body.

“I’m just a few-”

“I’ve got you, love. I can sense you in the Force. I know where you are”

Of course he could. You took a few deep breaths and you speeder sputtered out, stopping in a deserted alleyway. You looked around and saw the bounty hunter, now obviously male, stepping out and making his way towards you.

“He’s here, Anakin” Your voice was tight, anxious. You were quiet, paralyzed by fear.

“Please, Y/N, fuck! Hold on, I’m almost there”

“Ani, Anakin I’m scared! Ani! Ani!” You were hysterical now, screaming and sobbing his name as the man punched the top of your speeder, fracturing the glass. He pulled you out of it by the hair and threw you harshly onto the concrete.

You yelped in pain as he kicked you directly in the ribs. He backhanded you across the face, the power from his hit making blood pool in your mouth. Harshly you spit it onto the ground, looking up at him with pure hate.

He placed the blaster to your head, right on your forehead. You let your eyes flutter closed. Your knees were scraped, legs bruised. You were sure at least one of your ribs was broken. You could feel blood running from your temple. Your arm was radiating pain from landing on it. Despite all this, the only thing you thought of was Anakin. Funny, you thought, how the brain chooses what to focus on in its last moments. All you hoped was that he didn’t feel responsible for your death. All you hoped was that he knew you loved him.

“You’re finished, Senator”

“I don’t think so” Anakin’s smooth voice, tight with anger, cut through the air. His lightsaber unsheathed, he swung it directly into the man. You gasped, everything happening so quickly. As soon as the blaster was gone from your forehead, you scrambled back.

Anakin walked up to you but, from the shock, you pulled back even further.

“Hey, hey, it’s me, it’s Anakin, okay? I’m not gonna hurt you”

You whimpered, looking at him and placing a hand on his jacket before harshly jumping into his arms. He gripped you to him, both of you sighing in relief.

“You came for me”

He looked at you like you were insane. “Of course I did! You needed me, you called! I’m always going to be there for you, Y/N. I am always going to show up”

“Thank you” You said, voice muffled against his chest. His hands raked through your hair while you just breathed him in. His scent comforted you, his strong chest and large arms grounding you after a day so intense and horrifying that nothing felt real.

You were still trembling, the aftershocks quite apparent.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you. You’re safe, he’s dead, he’s gone. No one’s ever gonna hurt you again, I promise.” Anakin whispered these affirmations into your hair, holding you until the shaking ceased.

“Thank you for calling me, Y/N. I know that couldn’t have been easy for you.”

“It wasn’t that hard, to be honest, I- wait? What do you mean, you know it couldn’t have been easy for me?!”

Anakin looked at your sheepishly. “You honestly think I haven’t noticed your problems with asking for help? We’ve been together for almost a year and, contrary to popular belief, I can be quite perceptive. I didn’t want to call you out on it, I assumed you’d be embarrassed. But I’m glad that when it actually came down to life or death, you called me.”

“I’ve always known I could call you, Anakin. Please, I don’t want you to ever think my inability to be vulnerable is rooted to anything you do. You’re, fuck, you’re perfect. You’re kind and compassionate and caring and you’re always looking out for me. Look, I know I haven’t been too open about my past and I still struggle with that. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve never had someone who actually wanted to be there for me. This thing where you care and want me to come to you when I’m hurting or simply just want affection or company or help with the little things, it’s foreign to me.”

Ani’s heart broke at your words. “I’m sorry I didn’t know you back then, Y/N. I hate that this” He said, gesturing between you both “is unique to you. But, seriously, anytime you need anything I’m someone you can come to. I honestly want you to come to me. Regardless of if you think it’s something small or this life-altering favor, ask me. I doubt I’d turn you away and, on the off chance I do, I’m not gonna hold that against you.”

“You won’t leave? Even if I show you all of me? Even if I rely on you?”

“I won’t leave you, beautiful. So long as you allow me to show you all of me, too. And you let me rely on you, too.”

Your eyes widened at his words. “Of course! Of course, Ani! I’m here for you, I got you, too, always.”

“I know you do” His flesh hand went up, cupping your cheek.

“I know you do, too.” You sighed into his touch. You were exhausted beyond belief, your body and mind pretty much shutting down from the stress of it all. Even so, you relaxed further into his body. Yeah, this was new. Yes, it was scary. But you were going to try. Even though it terrified you, you wanted to be loved. You wanted to be loved by him.

tagging julia bc she asked when i was textpost-complaining about having to edit this <3

@anakinswhore

#megan writes #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker x gn!reader #anakin skywalker x gender neutral reader #anakin skywalker imagine #anakin skywalker imagines #anakin skywalker angst #anakin skywalker fluff #anakin skywalker x you #anakin skywalker x y/n #anakin skywalker

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stylesberries · 4 years

Text

Fireflies

Summary: Harry has been acting weird for a couple of weeks, but when y/n finally finds out the truth, it’s far from what she assumed.

Genre(s): fluff, a tiniest bit of angst maybe?

Word Count: 2.5k

Warning(s): Harry being a cutie patootie that he is :,)

Harry has been acting weird for a couple of weeks now and you started to get suspicious. He would come home late most of the days and keep you waiting in your bed. The other days he would mysteriously disappear in the morning. “Went out for a run.” He would tell you. What kind of run lasts for five hours?

Of course, you would never suspect him of cheating on you. He has proven his love to you over and over again, and one had to be completely oblivious of what love is, not to notice how head over heels in love he was with you.

However, the way he was acting made you overthink. You were worried for him and his well-being. All of the worst things that could happen took over your mind. Health issues, disagreements with the management, bickering within the family, and many other possible problems that he could have been facing filled your mind to the brim.

Here you were now, sitting at your kitchen table, eating dinner alone. Harry still hasn’t come home and it was already nine o’clock in the evening, when he promised to get home at six.

You trusted Harry. You really did. However, you didn’t want him to use the fact that you trust him with everything you have, to get home late for the second week in a row. You wouldn’t have been against him staying out late if he had just told you he truth.

You sat in your seat and rolled the pasta you made on a fork. All of your appetite has vanished even before you started making the food, but you still forced yourself to eat, to get your mind off of your ever wandering boyfriend.

As you started to get into your food, you heard the keys turn in the front door. No food for you today.

Your name wasn’t called like it usually is, when Harry walks into the front door. The only sound you heard was the shuffling and the clacking of keys being placed on the table in the hall.

You could tell that Harry was trying to be as quiet as possible to avoid you noticing him.

As he tried to pass the kitchen door quietly, you got up from your place and walked up to him. He was wearing his blue sweater, corduroy flares and a face of someone trying to hide something from their girlfriend.

“Harry?” You asked sternly.

He turned his head to you and put on a smile while pushing something behind his back.

“Hello, love. I-I didn’t want t’disturb you, s-so I-um-” He tried to lie to you, although he knew pretty well he was awful at lying and I was too good at catching lies.

You turned your gaze to his hands that were hidden from you behind his back.

“Harry, what’s behind your back?” You asked straightforwardly.

He looked uncomfortable and seemed to have been taken aback by your question.

“It’s um-” He brought his hands forward. They held a black folder visibly full of papers. “It’s m’folder with song ideas.” He seemed unsure of the statement himself, but you put the blame on the fact, that he was left dumbfounded by your actions. What was that about though?

“Why were you hiding it from me then?” You seemed honestly confused because he always shared his songwriting process with you.

“Was just writing a song f’you, but I will show it t’you when it’s completely done.” He blabbered to you.

Seems like a plausible reason to hide the folder from you. It was strange, because he would write his song ideas in his phone now, but you brushed those thoughts off.

“Okay then, love. I thought you were coming home at six.” You turned to the clock on the wall to see that the time is 9:24.

Harry followed your gaze and realized that he had indeed come home a little overtime.

“Got carried away in the studio, baby. ‘M sorry, should’ve informed you.” His shoulders sank, as he realized that you had been waiting for him for over three hours.

“It’s okay, Harry. But please, next time you’re planning to get late, tell me, alright? I thought something happened.”

The sternness in your voice subsided as you walked closer to Harry. You wrapped your arms around him and nuzzled your nose into the crook of his neck. He pulled you closer and placed his cheek on the top of your head. You felt his jaw move on top of your head, but before he got a chance to make a sound, you spoke.

“I’m worried for you, baby. It’s driving me insane. What’s going on? I know it’s not just studio. It has to be something else. You’ve never acted like this before. It scares me.” You whispered the last part almost to yourself, but you knew that the man heard you clearly.

“I didn’t mean t’worry you, precious.” He took time to think his words through. “I know, I’ve been actin’ off these days, baby. I promise you it’s nothing y’should worry about. It’s the album release coming up. I didn’t mean t’cause you anxiety, angel. ‘M so sorry.” He genuinely seemed sorry, and you felt the need to kiss his pouty lips.

That evening you went to sleep spooning Harry and brushing his curls out of his face. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep. All you wanted to do was keep him safe and warm.

When you woke up, Harry wasn’t there anymore, which didn’t surprise you, as it wasn’t the first time you found yourself curled up in the blanket all alone.

You pushed your sleepy body off of the bed and pushed your feet into the slippers at the bed. You brushed your teeth and thought of what you’ll be getting yourself busy with on this Saturday morning. All of the documents you had to go through for work were already sent back to your company, and you found yourself wonder what other errands you had to run.

You opened the calendar on your phone to check your schedule. You were startled to find out that it was your birthday today. You were so anxious about the way your boyfriend has been acting, that your own birthday was clean forgotten.

Your mood was instantly ruined when you understood that Harry left you alone on your birthday, but as you walked down the stairs to make yourself some breakfast, you felt the smell of pancakes lingering in the air.

The corners of your lips flew up and you ran to the kitchen to catch your boyfriend red-handed.

Harry heard the loud steps coming his way, so he turned to the door and placed the scoop back into the bowl of pancake batter.

“Who’s this lil’ cheetah running m’way, huh?” Harry teased you loudly and spread his arms, welcoming you with a hug.

You jumped into his arms, and he caught you to pick you up and hold up by your waist.

“Legs ‘round m’waist, birthday girl.” Harry laughed against your chest as you did as he told. You placed your arms around his neck and let him place a kiss on your jaw.

“I thought you left me on my birthday.” You pouted at him, when he withdrew from your neck.

You could see regret overflow him, before being replaced with endless love.

“How could I ever leave the love of m’life on ‘er birthday? What kind of love is it, if I’m not by your side on your day, angel?” He stared right through you, as if directly at your heart.

His words took you by surprise, and it was written all over your face. Harry noticed you questioning his words.

“The love of your life?” You asked him softly, looking right into his loving eyes.

“The love of m’life.” He nodded with a smile on his face.

After sharing a moment full of love, you sat down to enjoy the slightly burnt pancakes, while discussing your plans for today.

You both changed out of your sleeping clothes and left the house to go to the new bookshop you’ve been wanting to go to for some time, but never got a chance to.

After hoarding several books, both for you and Harry, you asked Harry if you could get some ice-cream.

“Ice-Cream it is then, m’love.” Harry smiled and pulled out of the parking to get on the route to your favorite ice-cream parlor.

After you dropped one of your ice-creams and got another one, Harry told you that he has a surprise for you.

Harry told you that he will take you to a special place after the sun sets, and you couldn’t be more excited. You kept asking him over and over again about where he’s taking you, but he wouldn’t crack.

When you were finally on your way to the place, you kept thinking about how lucky you are, watching the sun set. You realized that all of the anxiety that you felt in these last two weeks was completely unnecessary.

Reaching the place after an hour long ride, Harry helped you out of the car and led you away from the road. As you walked closer to the place he was leading you to, you could see a beautiful field full of a variety of flowers that surrounded a small lake. Harry seemed full of anxiety as he lead you to an old stone platform by the field. You would expect there to be a table with a candlelit dinner, but there wasn’t a single source of light near you, except the stars, that scattered in the dark clear sky and several fireflies, that bee-lined around the trees that surrounded the field.

“Harry, this place is beautiful.” You were speechless and this was the only sentence you trusted yourself with saying.

Harry led you to stand in the middle of the platform, looking upon the night sky. You could tell he was in deep thought, but you couldn’t tell what was bothering him. Harry, as if hearing your thoughts, turned to you and smiled at you softly.

“It is beautiful. Took me a while to find a place worthy of you.” Harry kept looking at me with his eyes full of adoration.

You weren’t completely sure why he formed his sentence like that, but you were sure you were not here to just stargaze.

Your thoughts were interrupted by Harry. He walked back to the car, which wasn’t too far away from the stone platform, and left you standing there full of confusion.

He opened the trunk of the car to get something. On his way back, you could see that he was holding the black folder that you caught him sneaking into the house just yesterday.

“Is he going to sing me a song?” Your thoughts were all over the place at this point, once again interrupted by your nervous boyfriend.

“Y/N.” He called you by your name with such seriousness that made you listen to him even closer than before.

“I lied t’you.” He started. “The folder had nothin’ to do with m’songs.” You were already dumbfounded because Harry never lied to you, so it had to be something very important for him to do so.

He pulled the elastic band off of the cover of the folder and opened it. He passed you the folder and spoke again.

“You were right when y’said that the past couple of weeks I’ve been actin’ weird. The fact that y’know me s’well scares me sometimes, t’be honest.” He tried to make a joke to ease his nerves.

As he spoke, you let your eyes skim the first page. It was a model of beautiful stone house with French windows and dark green tiling on the roof.

“We’ve been together fo’ almost three years, love, and I’ve never been happier. I hope y’feel the same.” He shyly questioned.

You couldn’t get yourself to answer him using words, so you nodded with a soft smile. You looked into his eyes and saw how little sleep he’s been getting written all over his face. Now you felt like everything made sense. All of his late nights in the studio and his constant excuses to get out of the house.

“I want t’spend m’whole life with you, Y/N. All of it. I want t’marry you and start a family with you. I know that you’re not ready t’get married yet, and I’m not pushing you. This place doesn’t mean that we have t’get married right away or have children right away, I just want t’start building our new home here.” He took my hands into his shaking ones and brought them to his chest.

“Right where you’re standing.”

His words made my eyes well up with tears, as I looked at my feet. “Right where you’re standing.” His words echoed in my head, as I felt his heart beating hysterically.

“I thought this would be a perfect place. The air here is great.” He started slowly. “I know you wouldn’t want our babies t’grow up breathin’ the car exhausts.” He added coyly.

At this point his heart was racing, and he could only look down at his feet. Noticing you pull your hands out of his hold, Harry was afraid to look up at you to see that you are turning to leave him alone in the field, he stupidly thought you’d want to live in.

“Do you actually think that I could ever say no to this, Harry?” You gently smiled at him and brought your hands to his cheeks to caress his face with your thumbs. Your fingers felt wet on his skin and as you realized the reason, your face softened even more.

“My boy, my precious baby. Of course I want to spend my whole life with you. I could never want to share this life with anyone else. And children? Your children are the only children I’ll ever want to bear, in every meaning of that word, and you know it.”

As your heart spoke for you, you could feel Harry relax and let himself look at you. The wet traces on his cheeks were only getting more defined just like the smile on his face.

“I dunno what I’d do if y’said no.” Harry stands still, as you bring your lips to his and let yourself collect the tears on them.

“Why would you even think about it, if I’ve already said yes?”

Your lips connect as a firefly passes next to you, standing right in the place of your nearing future.

#harry styles #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles masterlist #watermelon sugar #fine line

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lucywritesreid · 4 years

Text

Our own little island

Thank you for all the feedback from my last fic :3 I really don’t have any explanation for this other than....yeah...Spencer during lockdown haha.

Summary: Spencer and Y/N Have been living in their own private bubble during lockdown. YN has discovered a game and initially Spencer shows no interest...

There wasn’t much to say about the last few months other than they had been… weird. Weird on a global scale. You almost couldn’t believe how quickly everything went from normal to complete lockdown and watching the news every night had set you into complete panic mode. Both you and your highly germ-phobic boyfriend were more than happy to comply with the necessary restrictions. Spencer’s rational and calm mindset kept you both prepared and he did everything possible to reduce your anxiety. You would be forever grateful to have him by your side at such a horrible time.

For you the hardest adjustment was not seeing your work friends every day. It was odd to not spend every waking moment surrounded by all the people you loved the most. You didn’t realise just how much you would miss them despite seeing them all the time anyway. Friday night became the highlight. Your team, set up by Garcia, started a weekly quiz whereby everyone joined a Zoom call and one member was chosen to deliver a set of questions. Granted, it took Rossi a few failed attempts to be both seen and heard on camera, but you had all got it working in the end. Garcia’s quiz was based on cute, fluffy cartoon characters, Rossi delivered a mastermind style quiz all about the ratpack, Hotch surprised everyone with an in depth quiz about the employees of the FBI (where you realised he knew way more about personal lives of his colleagues) and you did pop culture through the ages. You had warned Spencer that ‘the history of the atom’ wasn’t in keeping with the Friday night spirit, and despite being met by many groans, he ended up presenting a fun and engaging quiz where losers had to take a shot for every question wrong. No surprise that he was the only one still standing by the end.

The truth was that despite all the chaos and uncertainty, you realised that you were lucky to have so much time spent with the man you loved. Sure, you worked together, but that was as professional as you both could manage. Stolen kisses at the back of the jet and shoulder squeezes were as close as you could get whilst working. But at home, you both had free reign of each other. You were both night owls, sleeping through most of the sunshine. You spent your evenings playing chess, re-watching old horror movies and having a lot of sex. You were sure that you were keeping your local Thai restaurant in business, living mainly off that and tubs of ice cream. It was almost therapeutic spending your time lounging around in your comfortable clothes. Hours would pass while you both sat reading in silence (you, a few chapters, Spencer, a novel or three…), his arm slowly brushing the inside of your leg as you read. On the more anxious nights, Spencer would do absolutely anything to calm you down, making sure you were okay. He’d perform Shakespeare, teach you how to cheat cards, read to you in different languages and even let you braid the ends of his hair.

You were very sure you were going to marry Spencer Reid.

There was one of your hobbies that he didn’t quite understand. In the first few weeks at home, you had invested in a Nintendo Switch, mainly from the push of Garcia but you had been eyeing it up since it first came out. You spent many nights on animal crossing visiting Garcia and her magic candy land island. It was one way to experience the outside world without actually being there. There was something wholly therapeutic about going fishing, planting flowers and giving gifts to your wonderful animal villagers.

Spencer, of course, didn’t really understand the appeal. Despite having the most wonderful brain you’d ever met, he seemed to have a block when it came to technology. He never discouraged you playing, but always looked over your shoulder with a furrowed brow whenever he saw you.

“See that, y/n, there’s no way all those fossils would be in such close proximity to one another in such a small area.” He commented on more than one occasion. “What use is archaeology when they are just there on the ground for you to see?”

“Spence, it’s a fictional world, I really don’t think they took into account geographical locations of fossils…” you couldn’t help but laugh whenever you spoke about it.

“Don’t even get me started on the physical anatomy of these animals! How disproportioned they are from the real thing! And the colours, y/n! Have you ever met a purple tiger before?”

You knew that he meant no harm from his remarks and was probably getting enjoyment out of it. So you’d shrug, offer him a turn and wait for some comment about how he was going to read an FBI report from 1987 again, and open your switch back up once he was distracted.

One night, you had stayed up late to make wishes on your island. You really needed the star fragments to craft your new DIY recipes and had spent hours posed in position, ready to make a wish. You hadn’t realised that you were falling asleep and your switch was falling out of your hand, until…

“YES! YES! Take that you stupid arachnid!” you heard a shout.

Waking up and looking to your left, you blinked in amazement to see Spencer sat with your switch gripped between his fingers.

“Spence? What are you doing? Are you okay?!” Many sleepless nights and bad dreams had left you very susceptible to fear when you heard shouting.

He looked over to you and his cheeks flushed. “Oh, y/n, honey I didn’t mean to wake you I’m sorry! It’s just you fell asleep with your game in your hand, I went to turn it off and ended up talking about the stars with this wonderful little owl… She just tells you all these facts. And they are accurate, too! I even wished upon a star.”

“That’s Celeste.” You commented, and yawned. “Spence, what time is it?”

He squinted at the screen before replying, “4am.”

You laughed. “And how long have you been playing animal crossing?”

His focus went back to the screen but he carried on talking to you. “Oh, a few hours now! I’ve just caught a tarantula, the stupid son of a bitch bit me before! Did you know they could bite you in the game? I was just running around trying to get my bearings and it ran up behind me and bit me. But I showed it who’s boss. And hey! It turns out I was wrong about the fossils, in a sense..”

You raised one eyebrow, “Dr Reid, wrong?”

“Well, not wrong exactly. It’s still highly unlikely that they would be so close together, so close to houses, and be found in just one dig. But I took one to the museum after I dug it up and was really surprised. I hadn’t realised how accurate the information provided was about these fossils! And the details in the display, too! You’ve got yourself rather an impressive collection, y/n.”

“Mhmm.” Tiredness was setting in but listening to Spencer talk about your game was more than entertaining. You sat up slowly, leaned across and rested your head on his shoulder. “What else have you been up to?”

“Well I recalculated the position of some of your flowers to maximise chances of getting hybrids. I know purple is your favourite colour so I looked into the best way to get purple flowers!” Spencer was speaking in that quick, animated tone that told you he was really into something. “I even researched the quickest and most beneficial ways of befriending your villagers to maximise the gifts that they give you. I spent a lot of time talking to the Raymond character.”

“Raymond reminds me of you, y’know. Dapper, sophisticated, looks great in glasses…” you replied, nudging his shoulder with your forehead. “How did you find out all of this?”

“Well, I read the whole Nookipedia website and that gave me a pretty good idea.” He turned to you and grinned. Of course, the genius had become the master of your favourite game in a matter of hours. “You can test me on any of the villagers’ names and personality types.”

You looked down and saw piles of notepaper, all scribbled on, splayed out across the bed. You picked one up entitled ‘terraforming.’ Instead of trying to decipher Spencer’s handwriting, you decided to ask him about it. “Spence… what’s all this paper? What are these drawings?” You tilted your head and the paper simultaneously to try and get a better understanding of his scribbles.

“Oh! I’ve been looking into reshaping your island. I came up with a few designs I thought you might like. My personal favourite is the honeybee, cos I know they are your favourite, so I calculated how we can use the terraforming tool to turn your island into a bee. Garcia would be so jealous and…” he trailed off.

“What’s the matter?”

He looked back at you with big puppy dog eyes. He chewed on his bottom lip a little before he spoke. “I’ve gone too far, haven’t I? This was your game, your private space, I never meant to take over. You really have done a great job…”

All you could do was laugh. You leaned over and planted a reassuring kiss on his cheek. “Honestly? I’m really happy that you’re into this now. It means I can talk to you about it. Just you wait until you see Garcia’s island!”

“Really, you’re not mad at me?”

“It would be impossible to be mad at you, Spence. Maybe we’ll set up your own character now.”

And with that, you kissed him again, nuzzling into the comfort of his arm. “Show me what else you’ve been doing…”

#spencer reid #spencer reid fic #spencer reid imagines #spencer reid x reader #spencer x y/n #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #animal crossing.

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solara-bean · 4 years

Text

Screw Periods!!!

Grimmjow x Reader

( Reader has a uterus but their gender is of course up to you. )

You laid on your couch as still as a corpse. In fact you felt close to death thanks to your vagina having it's monthly tantrum. God did the cramps hurt like hell! And it must've been your lucky day since your heating pad broke and the painkillers were taking forever to kick in. At least it was a Saturday so work wasn't a problem.

Wait ... it's Saturday?!! You thought.

Right then a flood of spiritual pressure invaded your senses. In came the former epsada from your apartment's balcony. Although he was obviously angry he took care not to break the sliding door. Or anything for that matter. He knew better.

When it came to you at least.

You didn't bother to peak out from your comfy blanket burrito as he stalked up to the couch like the overgrown cat he was.

" You missed our sparring match. " He said in a low tone. There was no doubt a scowl on his face.

Despite how normal you may appear, you’re actually quite powerful. In the past, you’ve been able to take on all types of foes along with Ichigo and the rest of the gang. Although, you were a bit late to the party and weren’t able to get much experience before everything died down to a more peaceful state. Thankfully Grimmjow was more than willing to battle a worthy opponent since Ichigo was too busy with his education and trying to have a more normal life. Thus began your weekly sparring sessions, normally in Hueco Mundo or Urahara’s bunker. But today you were only willing to move as far as your bedroom to the living room and occasionally the bathroom.

" I know. Sorry. " You grumbled. " Forgot what day it was."

" Tch. Since when do you forget what day it is? You sick or something?...Wait," his voice got closer to you. " Did someone hurt you?" He said with a mix of worry and deadly intent.

" No."

" Tell me who it is and I'll kill em."

" No! Grimm I'm fine."

" Hm. Then why," he tugged the blanket away from your face and raised a single brow. " Do you look like shit?"

You glared at him as best you could.

“ If you must know. I’m on my period.” You tugged the blanket back up. “ Now leave so I can suffer in peace. We’ll fight next week.”

Things were quiet for awhile. For second you thought he had left. Then..

“ Whats a period?”

Your eyes went wide under cover. You peaked out at him with an unbelieving eye.

“ You know. Mensural cycles?”

His face scrunched.

“ Mental what?”

You looked at him fully.

“ You really don’t know what periods are???”

“ Yeah. I mean. Maybe? I don't know! It sounds kinda familiar.”

Hmm. You thought. If Grimm died at the age that he looks now then he definitely knows what periods are. Maybe he doesn’t fully remember.

“ I guess hollows can’t have them since you don’t reproduce.”

“ Huh?” more confusion showed on his face. “ What does that have to do with anything?! Are you...Are you having a kid?!!!”

Watching him panic over a mini-you running around would’ve been hilarious any other day. But today you just wanted to nap. So if he was ever going to leave you be he needed to know what was going on

“ Hand me my laptop.” You sat up with an audible groan. “ And no. I’m not pregnant.”

It took a little over an hour to show him articles and YouTube videos about the wonders mensural cycles, plus answering questions about how yours worked specifically and a little chat on the birds and the bees. He got a bit upset with you feeling the need to explain the last one but you were playing it safe.

“ So you’re going through all this pain and gross stuff. Just because you have feminine parts, you’re not pregnant and you’re not fifty or older?” He said slowly from his seat on the carpet in front of the coffee table that held your laptop.

“ Yeah pretty much.”

“ And this is every month?”

“ Yeah.”

“ For a week?”

“ Yep.”

“....That’s shitty.”

“ Uh huh.”

“ Like. Seriously whose fucking bright idea was this?!”

“ No clue. But they better stay out of my line of sight.”

“ Tch,” he scoffed and folded his arms. “ Well whoever it is deprived me of a good fight.”

You scowled at him.

“ Oh you poor thing. It must suck to have male anatomy privilege. How about you whine about it somewhere else while I attempt to get some sleep.” You rolled over in a huff. “ And for the record. I’ve fought you plenty of times on my period and won. It’s just being a bitch today.”

You were in silence once again. Maybe now sleep would come. But no. The pain still came back every minute like a clawed hand slowly squeezing your guts over and over. Then all of a sudden warmth formed on your lower stomach.

“ Hm?”

You looked down to see Grimmjow’s hand on you. It had a slight red glow indicating that he was using his cero. Though it was much more like comforting heat than a scolding laser beam.

“ I didn’t know it could do that..”

“ It helps with sore joints and stuff. Is it numbing the pain at all?”

You rolled over. He had a soft look in his eyes. He was worried.

Big softie kitty.

You smiled and pressed his palm closer to where it hurt the most.

“ Yeah..” you sighed. “ Feels a lot better.”

After a few minutes of slight dozing off, you felt him pick you up gently. Before you could ask he was already under you and laying you on top of him. He reached under the cover and past the hem of your shirt so you could feel both of his cero-warmed hands. You couldn’t but sigh in delight from the relief and nuzzle into the chest that was exposed from his black jumpsuit.

This might’ve been odd if you two hadn’t been getting closer lately. To no one’s surprise the feral arrancar was extremely touch starved. But with your sparring came respect. And with respect came the showing of vulnerability. After many long months of course. Eventually touching and being close to each other was second nature. Cuddling was new though. But he was basically a big cat so you knew it was bound to happen.

As you fell asleep you heard the start of a purr. You didn’t know how long you were asleep but when you woke up he was gone.

Guess he got bored and left.

Your were about to feel sad and little lonely when a patch of blue hair poked itself through the balcony door. In came Grimmjow with a hand full of snacks. He made his way to you and plopped them all on the table.

“Ok I couldn’t go to a normal store for obvious reason so I went to Urahara’s.” he began to pick up each item one buy one. “ I got those sour gummies you like, some sodas, some water, a few cases of chocolate bars, a pack of caramel, the last of the good chips which I had to kick Jinta to get - the little bastard. And Urruru lended me some pads but I’m nut sure if they’re the kind you us-”

Before he could finish you wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

“ You’re the best! Thank you so much!”

He was taken aback for a moment then hugged you back with a smug smirk on his face.

“ Hey you wanna stay and watch a movie with me? I can’t eat all this by myself.”

“ Sure.” he shrugged nonchalantly. Though you could see a small smile on his face.

You sat snuggled up and watched an action comedy as you ate. You were half way through the movie when something hit you.

“ How’d you pay for all of this?”

Grimmjow chewed lazily a blueberry sour gummie, not bothering to take his eyes off the screen.

“ I told Urahara that your vagina was trying to kill you. So he let me take it for free. Never saw him that quiet before.”

“..........Yeah I’m definitely kicking your ass next week.”

“ I’d hope so.” he grinned.

#bleach #grimmjow #grimmjow jaegerjaquez #grimmjow jaggerjack #grimmjow x reader #reader is op #grimmy is soft #reader doesn't take shit and grim freaking loves it #made this on my period to cope

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guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom · 3 years

Text

No One Lives Forever Not Even God

Peter Parker x bisexual!reader

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Peter Parker x black!reader

Peter Parker x villain!reader

Warnings: Language, Insomnia, mentions of antidepressants, mentions of drugs, drug use, mentions of addiction, mentions of nazis, parental neglect, mentions of the dead, cemeteries, mentions of meltdowns, corrupt government, mentions of cancer, low self esteem, self destructive behavior, medical testing, thoughts of murder, mentions of injury, and mentions of knives,

Word Count: 6.1k

Songs: Mother- Pink Floyd, He Can Only Hold Her- Amy Whinehouse, A Pearl- Mitski, Me and My Husband- Mitski, Saint Bernard- Lincon, Why Didn't You Stop Me?- Mistki, Nuestro Planeta- Kali Uchis, You Know I'm No Good-Amy Whinehouse, and Love Is a Losing Game- Amy Whinehouse.

"I’ve been in a very poetic mood lately. I think it’s funny how anything could be considered poetry and something you relate too. Like Twitter or any other social media and the ongoing gag of people feeling the need to announce the fact that they’re making moves in silence. But that’s what I’m doing, making moves in silence. If anyone is in my business now I’m politely asking you to remove yourself from it before I make you.”

A/N: I only did one proofread so sorry if there are typos and this is just more of an infodump to set up other chapters so enjoy ig. I almost gonna start another series a social media AU let me know if you'd want to be tagged in either of these series.

Series Masterlist Previous Part Next Part

Nightmares come while I’m asleep but, when I’m awake the nightmares of the day just come for me then, so really I’m just stuck. I would like to say the antidepressants are working, it's just the insomnia that comes with them isn't working for me. I’m honestly starting to think mood stabilizers would do me better.

Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb?

I’m not sure I could blame this all on the pills though. I’d have to give some of the credit to the massive bombshell that a certain ex Avenger had dropped on me.

It's almost like every five seconds a new giant secret about my mom is unveiled to me. Like sure I saw from the video that she’d left me that she had associations with some bad people like Kingpin but nazis?

SHIELD had apparently collapsed because it was infiltrated by Hydra but it was prevalent while my mom was still alive. Seems like she had worked for or with everyone who was anyone. I’m just gonna give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she didn’t know because up until two weeks ago I didn’t either.

Her and Natasha had been recruited at the same time and worked together but for someone who claims to have been so close to her you’d think she’d know that she was dead. “She went off the grid and that was the last I heard from her,” is all she gave me with a smile that even I could tell was fake and I’d just met the woman.

You know when grown folks come up to you and expect you to remember them because they met you once while you were like in the womb that’s kinda my relationship with Natasha. She knows so much about me and I know absolutely nothing about her save for the fact she's a spy meaning she’d be a great liar.

She used to babysit me sometimes if I could trust what she says that is. Apparently I called her “Auntie Nat”. For some reason no one ever thought it was a good idea to inform me that I had a godmother. Maybe they did and I just forgot.

I thought they were supposed to take care of you when something happened to your parents. And the one who’s alive is about as useless as the other. It might be fun to have another person that was considered family. Just maybe not a spy at least I’d know she’d walk out of my life so I won’t get attached.

Mother, do you think they'll like the song?

“Hey mom,” I sighed sitting down in the light dusting in front of her tombstone. “I know it’s been a while and I’ve got a lot to catch you up on,”

It took a bit of digging before I found what I was looking for in my bag. I ran my fingers along the cold surface of the small jewelry box. There was puffy white glue holding the larger pieces together.

I placed the box in the grass sitting next to the tombstone. I removed a purple coiled bracelet and sat it next to the box.

I tucked my legs under my body admiring the piece of jewelry.

“I brought you a bracelet,” I spoke. “It’s kinda like a friendship bracelet cause I have the other. I don’t know if I should leave it here in case someone steals it,” I laughed. “You’d have to be a real shitty person to steal from a cemetery though,”

I curse so often I didn’t realize I did it until I had already done it.

“Ah sorry! Excuse my French,” I chuckled.

“I met Natasha Romanoff and she said she knew you. She said she knew me too. I don’t remember her though…” I trailed off.

For someone who claimed to have a lot to say I sure was at a loss for words. I just didn’t know how to get any of them out.

“Oh! You’re not gonna believe me if I tell you but I got to meet some of the Avengers. Most of them were new though. You’d know some of them. Like Captain America I wanted his help but he couldn’t provide it,”

I had a bit of an episode when I was told no one knew where Thor was. I think it was justified though.

How the fuck do you lose two Avengers let alone the ones that can’t possibly be hidden. One is green and huge and the other leaves lightning bolts everywhere they go.

Mother, do you think they'll try to break my balls?

“The other is Natasha but I don’t think I really knew that yet. She went by Black Widow. I’m sure you knew that though. You probably know a lot,”

I wonder how many secrets she never told me about. I mean I could only imagine all the secrets working for the government would let you in on. Like she probably knew about big stuff like the Tesseract and aliens maybe she could’ve known about that.

“Okay I have a question. I have a lot actually but I think if you answer them I’m gonna get up and run out of here,” I joked.

“Number one is my middle name Natalia because of your SHIELD buddy? Like it might just be a coincidence but it could also be a godmother typa situation or something,”

It was a running theory. She would’ve known my mom before I was born. And if what I was told is true they’d be pretty close too and Natasha translates back to Natalia and I know she’s Russian. It makes sense.

Ooh

Mother, should I build the wall?

“Uh… there’s this boy,”

When was there not? It seems like there was always someone in my life. Carmen in therapist mode said it’s because I put my self worth into my relationship status.

“He’s really nice. Like really really nice. Nicer than anybody I’ve ever been associated with. It’s just he’s like…” I didn't know how to put the next part into words. “He’s just too nice. Too nice for me at least. Like he’s such a good person and I’m just me,”

“And it’s I feel bad,” I sighed. I was getting myself too worked up over this. “Like I keep playing like a game of tug a war with him where I let him in and kick him out again it’s tiring. I don’t even do it on purpose. I feel like we could be something maybe. But I can’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen. It’s a self defense mechanism. At least I think.”

I do it with everyone. I shut them out before they can get it. The less people you let into your life the less people that can walk out.

It’s a bulletproof tactic. At least I used to think it was. Never realized people could get hurt including myself.

“I saw dad,” I informed myself? I guess I’m not sure how healthy it is to have a conversation with someone you know can’t respond and isn't listening. “Like two days ago actually I didn’t say anything I freaked out and ran away. It made me think though,”

Mother, should I run for president?

Made me think about how I’d done so well on my own. Well I’m not gonna take all the credit, most of it was Carmen keeping my ass in line. I haven’t talked to her in a while. I haven’t talked to anyone in a while.

”I found a small studio apartment in Queens. It was the cheapest one I could find. I’m just renting it like an Airbnb right now. I need to find a permanent place and a job,”

I couldn’t find a permanent place at my age unless I had full autonomy which leads me to my next topic.

“So I was thinking about getting emancipated which everything would’ve been a lot easier if you were here then we could just go to court for custody cause you’d win for sure.”

Mother, should I trust the government?

“I know you never got to know how corrupt SHIELD was but do they like keep tabs on everyone who does anything to them or related to them? Because like I did a little snooping and I know they had files for all the Avengers and other people like Kingpin.”

I knew I was going to have to do more than sit here and ask a dead person what to do but ranting to someone who couldn’t spill my secrets was a start.

“I was just wondering how deep it went or if they had hidden stuff on me,”

Mother, will they put me in the firing line?

It’s probably common knowledge that if you mess with the government they’ll mess back. I’d like to think they were like bees. You leave them alone they’ll leave you alone. Only stinging when provoked.

But every branch of the government is like a wasp. They don’t die if they sting and they’ll sting you for no reason at all. They just like to see people in pain.

And I’m sure the energy research branch of SHIELD would probably be more than interested in a walking fire bomb that can move things without touching them.

I mean I’m not going to stop poking things around until I figure out what’s wrong with me. So might as well not complain.

“So I don’t have many things figured out right now and the whole you and SHIELD thing only confused me more so if you could just like come tell me what to do just this once that’d be great,” I laughed.

At first I was contemplating if this was weird or not but hearing me say that I now know this is pathetic. It always has been.

Ooh

Is it just a waste of time?

But I didn’t know if I should keep searching. Maybe I should just pretend like I’d never gotten introduced to the world of powers or mutations at all. For all I know Peter, Carmen, Felicia, Wade and I are just normal people who do normal people stuff.

Sure I wanted answers but I didn’t want to end up like those people who spend their whole life searching for an answer they won’t find any and end up never living at all.

Like a quote my mom used to say all the time “The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all,”

She really just used it so she didn’t have to listen to being put on bed rest but it obviously had a deeper meaning and she knew that.

I keep finding myself stuck on that phrase. That and the whole when the dust settles poem.

I’ve been in a very poetic mood lately. I think it’s funny how anything could be considered poetry and something you relate too.

Like Twitter or any other social media and the ongoing gag of people feeling the need to announce the fact that they’re making moves in silence.

But that’s what I’m doing, making moves in silence. If anyone is in my business now I’m politely asking you to remove yourself from it before I make you.

“Uh I don’t know if I should even tell you this cause you died before it was even a problem in the first place but…” I blew out a breath digging my feet deeper into the ground.

“I’ve been clean for like two weeks now. Which is actually a thing I’m pretty proud of right now.”

I’d stopped using everything except weed, nicotine because those weren’t drugs and even then I used it way less than before. Oh, and my antidepressants too but that’s obviously okay they’re prescribed.

I hated the word clean made me seem like an addict which I wasn’t. I’m many things but I wasn’t an addict. I just didn’t know of any other words to use.

I wasn’t an addict but I’d say the lines between recreational use and dependency were blurring just a bit. I had gotten it straight though. I’m good now. The antidepressants are helping.

Hush now baby, baby, don't you cry

“You have a superpower of just making people feel better immediately. I don’t know if it was the fact you were my mom or what but if you even just put a bandaid on a stab wound it’d probably stop hurting and disappear,”

I wasn’t even exaggerating there was this one time I got hurt at the zoo and she just kissed it and I forgot about the fact that I even fell.

I’m not sure how true that is though because I couldn’t actually recall the memory I was just told about it by my mom a few years after it happened. So I guess I remember not remembering then being reminded. Weird.

“I wanna see the giraffes!” Aaliyah cried, stomping her feet down on the concrete.

This was one of the only times mom didn’t have to work on the weekends and Liyah had to have her way like always.

“Mom!” I screamed “Tell her you said we could see the lions first,”

She just sighed. “Well since she’s the youngest do you think you could be nice and let her go first please?”

“Fine,” I huffed. I wasn’t doing it for Liyah, I was doing it for mom. Even a blind person could see how tired she’d been lately.

Liyah laughed at me sticking her tongue out. She’s such a brat.

“You’re so dumb.” I rolled my eyes at her.

“I know you are but what am I ?” She teased hitting my shoulder before running away.

I took off after her. She may have been fast but I knew I could catch up to her.

I almost had her when my foot got caught on something. It launched me towards the ground and I put my hands down to catch myself but I still hit my knee.

I slid on the concrete scuffing my leg. I didn’t scream because that would make me weak and it didn't hurt that bad. I just bit my lip and stood up.

I didn’t want to limp but it hurt too much to put pressure on my leg.

Liyah had beat me back to mom and when I reached them she was already apologizing.

Fake.

She was just scared to get in trouble. I wasn’t gonna snitch on her anyways.

“Let me see it,” Mom asked, grabbing my arm, pulling me to sit down on a stonehenge.

She reached into her purse and pulled out a first aid kit. She always had everything in her purse. It was kinda like a super power. The black Marry Poppins.

She wiped the scrape with an alcohol wipe and I just barely hissed. It didn’t even really hurt anymore.

She placed a bandaid on it, smoothing her hands on top of it before placing a kiss there.

“There,” She wiped her hands on her thighs before standing up “All better?”

I nodded my head and we went off to see the giraffes because I’m nice like that.

“In case you were wondering, Aaliyah still always gets her way even now. I’d say she’s got me beat on the manipulation game honestly,”

It’s fine though I taught her everything she knows not everything I know. I could still get one over on her if needed.

Mama's gonna make all of your nightmares come true

“I found your pendant, the SHIELD one. Which I guess makes all of this real no matter how much I want it to be fake. I just want this to be a poorly written book where I wake up and the past five years were all a dream,”

God knows how much I meant that. Well maybe I didn’t mean it too much because some people I’ve met in the past five years are people I don’t think I could survive very long without. Even though I kinda exploded on everyone so maybe I’m gonna have to test my theory on how long I can really survive.

“Hey Doc,” I greeted pushing up the door of the restaurant.

“Hey sweetheart, how ya been?” He queried.

“I’ve been better,”

“I hear ya,” He nodded.

Once we were in the back of the restaurant aka his office. I pulled out the diamond. Doc knew everything about everyone and anything. He could also make a duplicate of anything you gave him.

“Whatcha got for me?” He asked, rubbing his hands together.

“This, I’m not sure what it is,”

I placed the bird pendant on the desk. I found it in a shoe box filled with my mom's stuff.

“I was wondering if you knew,”

He lifted it up to his eye to get a better view, His eyesight so bad that his glasses were practically a magnifying glass.

“It’s a crest, I don’t think I’ve seen this before it’s most likely from a government branch,” He placed it back down on his messy desk. “I can do some more extensive research for you if you’d like,”

“Yes, that’d be great,”

“Stop by again tomorrow and I’ll fill you

I wish I never went back to Doc’s place or found out about flash drive, Vulture, SHIELD, any of it. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get anymore fucked up the devil came out the woodworks and spit in my face.

Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you

“I remember all that testing they did after I agreed to do whatever Stark needed me to do sooo badly. I still don’t really know what he did- or he’s doing with all that DNA and other stuff he’d gotten from me,”

Aren’t the Avengers and by default Tony Stark products of SHIELD so wouldn't that mean whoever’s behind all of that could’ve been the one to tell Tony about the fire thing in the first place.

That had been the main thing about the whole Stark situation that I still couldn’t figure out. Someone needs to tell me how he found out and they better tell me now.

“There are multiple lacerations 1-2 inches lining the upper and lower abdomen,” The doctor lady announced to her assistant. Before moving her cold hand away from my side pushing my shirt back down.

Okay that’s chill nothing I haven’t had before.

“We’re gonna have to do another X-ray is that okay?” Her assistant asked. I wasn’t going to bother to learn their names. I was planning to stay that long anyways.

What’s the point? They’re just going to come back and say the machine is broken and then do another blood test.

“Yeah sure,”

I was led into a much bigger room than the last. There was much more machinery too.

I was strapped down to a cold blue cushioned table by leather straps. Straps weren’t really necessary, not like I was planning on lashing out and mauling anyone.

I closed my eyes when the flashes of the machine went off. Apparently I had fractured three of my ribs and bruised my sternum.

You’d think they’d let me go now but noooo they need more blood and then when they were done drawing blood.

They had to hook me up to a machine to monitor- I don’t even fucking know what they were monitoring.

I just know I had all the pads with wires on my temples and chest and everywhere else. It reminded me of that one time I had to do a sleep study.

Except they didn’t have holographs to read off and fancy probably government funded tech then. They sure as hell didn’t have all this whispering either. Or maybe they did and I was just unconscious.

Still I didn’t even want to actually be here and I was cold for once.

“How much long do we have here?” I groaned.

“Not much longer. We just have and MRI left,”

Yeah right. I was gonna be in here for the rest of my life

“I could probably go back there if I wanted answers,” I spoke quietly.

“But I don’t want the government in my business like that well at least just not more than they probably are already at least and the tests are so invasive,”

Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing

That’s not the only invasive thing in my life. Or should I say was in my life? I don’t fucking care really.

My dad was somehow the strictest and the most lenient person ever. I think he just wanted control.

I used to blame his alcoholism for everything he did but no really he’s just a shitty person. A shitty person who likes to beat on women and take doors off the hinges.

“You are so pathetic!” My mom screamed at my dad.

They had been at this all night. For so long that I’m seriously contemplating jumping out of this small window right now.

Sapphire had no qualms sleeping on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. Aaliyah and I however were still wide awake.

I’m not sure exactly what was going on in her head but I’m assuming we're still up for the same reason. To kill our dad if he even touches our mom.

I had a kitchen knife in hand as I sat on the bathroom sink. I always had a knife every time my dad started yelling a little too aggressively just in case but this time felt different. Like I was really prepared to stab him this time.

I didn’t know what it was but something felt off.

“Are they done?” Aaliyah asked, rubbing her eyes. The apartment had fallen silent.

“I don’t know. Stay here,” I hopped down off the sink.

I should’ve known she wasn’t gonna listen to me. The kitchen was empty which means they must’ve moved to their room.

The next moment was the sort straight out of a family sitcom except the family was falling apart and the kids were going crazy but otherwise it could’ve very well been an “oopsie” misunderstanding moment. Where the younger child asks “Are mommy and daddy getting a divorce?”

Then the oldest child pulls them into their body and whispers “I dunno kiddo,” or “No they’re just going through a rough patch,” anything like that.

Except it wasn’t that. That wasn’t what she said and that wasn’t what Aaliyah asked me.

God how I wish that was what she asked me.

I have a bad habit of acting before I think. I opened the door opening my mouth to let out the words in my brain.

“You’re dying? How are you dying?”

They both turned to look at me like they were just noticing they weren’t alone.

My mom sighed moving closer to me grabbing my arm.

“I’m- Im not no ones dying,”

The door creaked as Aaliyah pushed her way into the room.

“But you said ‘I need you to step up you need to know how to handle it when I’m dead’,” She paraphrased cleaning out the cuss words.

“It didn’t mean literally dying right now,”

Now I could see how this could be us just jumping to conclusions from like two sentences but she had been weird lately. Like she’s always traveled a lot and been secretive but lately she’s been extra secretive.

And I could tell the secret wasn’t to protect herself so whos to say it wasn’t the fact she was currently dying. It actually makes perfect sense.

I’m starting to wish I wasn’t always right. Stage 4 Lymphoma. Basically we should go coffin shopping pretty soon.

If only she wasn’t so selfish and would get treatment for it. She couldn’t leave me here by myself. Who’s gonna take care of us if she dies.

I’d thought about it before and I decided I’d take on the role of caregiver for my sisters but then it was only a what if situation.

Wade has cancer and he’s not dead but that’s only because he got pumped with like super drugs shit.

Now I just needed to find some super drugs and figure out how to get her to take them.

Fuck Cancer and fuck my dad. Why couldn’t he have gotten the diagnosis instead of my mom. A life for a life type beat.

I guess that wouldn’t have made for a good tragic backstory would it. And what fun is life without a tragic backstory.

My only question is when does the backstory end and when does the actual plot begin because clearly I’m not there yet. It’s only tragedy after tragedy.

Maybe that is my story, just pain and suffering. Someone has to be the butt of the joke.

She won't let you fly but she might let you sing

“You always told me to surround myself with people who you could block out the rest of the world with. Peter’s like that so was Olivia she was one of those people for me. When we weren’t yelling at each other or crying, I mean. Still wish you could’ve met her though,”

“AH YES!” I exclaimed, pumping my fist. “I found it,” I waved the joint in the air.

“Alright come sit down then,” Olivia laughed, patting the seat on the couch next to her.

“Shit,” I muttered. “Where’s the lighter?”

She just laughed at me again. Before reaching into my pocket and slipping it out. I couldn’t help but smile at how intimate that action felt for no reason at all.

I quickly and lightly pressed my lips to hers muttering a quick “thank you,”

About three minutes had passed and I could feel the weed taking course through my system.

My head was in her lap until I abruptly shot up gasping at the beginning of Super Rich Kids by Frank Ocean.

“Dance with me,” I pleaded it didn’t take much convincing because here we were twirling around. Although it was much more giggling than dancing.

I bumped my leg on the glass coffee table and immediately apologized making Liv and I laugh so hard I almost peed my pants.

I was laid out on the soft white fur rug with Olivia laying her chin on my chest. I ran my hands through her hair.

It was actually very easy there were no knots my fingers just glided smoothly through.

“I mean shit,” I breathed “I know I can’t run from the rest of the world forever but until then? Bitch you can call me Flash cause I’m zoomin’.”

She giggled at that before speaking up.

“You don’t have to run you can just stay here with me forever,”

Her words were so genuine it made me want to cry. She basically just said “I love you” in more or less words.

“You know what? I think I might,”

She gave me a tired smile, turning her head to place a kiss on the top of my breast.

I smiled back at her and how adorable she looked right now. I just want to kiss her for the rest of forever.

When I glanced back down at her I could hear her breathing slow and her eyes had fluttered shut. She was asleep.

I felt all warm and fuzzy and at peace and I couldn’t tell if it was the weed or if it was just being in Olivia’s presence.

I wasn’t ready to say these words to her when she was conscious yet maybe I’d never be ready but I’d say them now. Just to get them off my chest.

“I love you,” I whispered.

I never really felt comfortable saying that to anyone. Probably a result of not hearing it enough as a child or something. My family’s never been affectionate anyway. That’s fine because I wasn’t my family, I was my own person.

Stroking her hair gently before drifting off to the land of dreams myself.

So much for forever huh?

It’s funny to think how I took times like that for granted if only I knew those were some of the only moments of normalcy I’d get for a while. I’d spent too much time thinking about what could’ve been with almost everything.

So much so that I didn’t take much time to actually be. Now I feel like I’ve made it to the point of no return. Not mentally but like with everyone else around me. I think I pushed people too far away this time. Not so sure I could get them back.

“Uh I can't really remember what I’ve already told you so I’ll run through it all. This vigilante or superhero Spiderman started doing his thing then I got caught up in his mess.” That was most definitely an oversimplification but what do I look like telling my mom I was a well known thief. “Then his relation to Tony Stark got extended to me so now I kinda do stuff for him but I don’t work for him.”

I don't work for him he might think I do, but in reality he works for me. I had almost everyone at the compound wrapped around my finger.

“I don’t think I really wanna work for anyone. I was offered to be an Avenger in training but that isn’t really my style. I will use his gym though.” I rambled on.

It was kinda weird how easy it was to rant to my mom like this because not like she could voice her opinions about anything. I guess I hadn’t visited in so long that I forgot what it was like.

Mama's gonna keep baby cosy and warm

“Oh!” I exclaimed remembering a very important factor that I left out. “Then we have the whole Staten Island fiasco that I told you about. I remember telling you that. I’m still searching for answers on how I did that too,”

Like some real answers not that radiation BS.

“Your phone’s broken,” I pointed out the cracked screen sitting on the wood.

“Oh shit!” Peter cried “May’s gonna kill me this is the second phone I’ve broken this month,”

I came off way calmer than I was feeling. I’m surprised I wasn’t running around screaming right about now. I was probably just paralyzed in fear.

How do you react in a situation like this in the first place.

“Okay how long are we going to be sitting here? What are we waiting on?” We’d be up here looking down at the fire crackling underneath the pier for like 15 minutes now.

“I don’t know actually,” He sighed.

“Uh…”

How was I supposed to respond to that? That was the driest response to anything in the history of the world.

“Well since I’ve already pinky promised I won’t spill your secret can I ask some questions while we wait for you to figure it out?”

“Sure, go ahead,” He nodded, shaking his arms.

“Okay number one did you think I had died or something because if someone burst into flames in front of me I’d probably think Satan was coming for me. I’d cry too,” I laughed but had to stop myself as the stabbing in my ribs ran through me.

“No, I didn’t think you were dead, you had a pulse,” He pointed out “Maybe I could’ve thought you were dying though. And I wasn’t crying,”

Liar. He so was crying.

“Aw you don’t have to lie I think it’s cute,” I teased if I didn’t feel like my body was falling apart I might’ve poked his side.

“Alright, second question: do the webs like come out of you? Cause that’s kinda disgusting,”

“No, I make them with chemicals ‘n stuff. I’d explain the science to you but I’m not sure how much you’d care.”

I let out a small laugh knowing what feeling would come if I laughed too hard.

“I mean you could explain it ‘m just not sure how much of it I’d understand,”

We both laughed at that.

“On the topic of the webs what’s there integrity like how well do they hold up or like how long,”

“Uh…” He blew out a breath running his hands over his face “As far as I know they last up to two hours. That is unless someone cuts them or something,”

I couldn’t help but wonder if Thorn was one of those someone’s to cut the webs maybe I was the only someone. I didn’t really need to ask the question. Aaron had already answered the question for me when he told me about the deal at the ferry. I just wanted to see what Peter would tell me honestly.

I spent the rest of the night asking questions and cracking jokes. I was talking for so long I didn’t realize how late it’s gotten.

It should be a world record how fast I managed to fuck up 5 friendships. Well it’s my personal best at least. Only took like 4 minutes.

I feel like that’s all I do is just fuck up everything. I used to believe there was a difference between being fucked up and being a fuckup but the older I get the more I realize that there isn’t.

It’s like someone built a self destruct button in my head and every time something good happens to me I feel the need to run away.

Like Peter he’s literally perfect he's smart, respectful, adorable, and selfless. He’s literally a fucking superhero for godsake.

I was trying so hard not to fall asleep. I really was but all the Trigonometry chapter was doing was mixing with the sound of rain outside and triggering the urge to fall into a deep sleep.

“Okay,” Peter tapped his textbook with his pen. I wish I could be confident enough to do math with a pen.

“So sin is equal to the opposite of whatever angle you’re trying to find so first you have too…”

He droned on, I knew he was talking about the math problem lying on the bed in front of me but I wasn’t listening. Maybe if I sat at the desk I could actually be paying attention right now.

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?” I sat up on my elbows yawning.

“Are you tired?”

I just hummed again. Until I realized what the question was. I reached for my phone and it was already 9:03 that woke me up for sure.

“Oh shit! I gotta get back,”

Not like I’d get in trouble or anything but Carmen would get on my ass about the fact I didn’t come back when I said I would then she’d make something out of nothing.

I scrambled around trying to find all my things to put them back in my bag.

“Wait it’s raining though,” Peter pointed out.

“Yeah,” I chuckled “It’s New York it’s always raining,”

“Yeah but it’s cold and wet and dark so if you tried to skate you’d probably get hurt,”

I knew what he was doing and it was working because frankly all his excuses were shit because one I don’t get cold and two I could just walk and there are lights everywhere but I was gonna stay anyway. I was too tired to argue right now.

“May!” Peter shouted.

“Yes?” She called back.

“Can Y/N stay for the night?”

“Yeah if her parents are okay with it,”

That’s how I ended up wearing some shirt with some dumb science pun sitting on the couch watching Aladdin for like the millionth time ever. I was singing along to One jump ahead when I felt eyes on me.

I turned my head but before I could make eye contact with Peter he acted as if he was watching the movie the whole time.

“What?” I giggled. Fuck, I hadn’t like genuinely giggled in the longest time.

“Nothing,” He replied, turning back towards the TV again.

This time I was the one to stare at him wondering what was going on in his head. Not even the fourth song in and I was already yawning struggling to keep my head up.

This goes to show how much willpower I had because I couldn’t even stop my eyelids from falling shut. I deserved to sleep though I’d been exhausted lately.

There’s only like 6 people on this planet that I trust enough to fall asleep around and surprisingly Peter had become one with like 5 months of knowing me.

I would still trust him if given the chance I’m just not sure how much he trusts me right now. I understand though. I don’t deserve anyone’s trust.

Taglist:

@tomdiddlyumptious

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dolliedarlin · 3 years

Note

me 🤝 missing dollie hours 🥺

hiii it’s been a while but here’s another life update

honestly i haven’t been doing that great. i’ve been really down lately and have lost motivation for just about everything. idk what caused me to get in such a rut but i am very much struggling to get out.

on a much brighter note, i managed to get myself to start cleaning my depression room (that’s what i call it when i feel too down to do anything and everything becomes really messy) i’ve managed to do some tasks and my room looks a lot better and my goal is to tackle my closet tomorrow and try to straighten that out as well. i’ve also picked up more hours at work so that’s a nice distraction from feeling down as well.

i found out the person i have feelings for has feelings for someone else and has been dating them for a bit now, so i am currently trying to get back to where i see them as just a friend, as i do not want to get in the middle of their relationship but still want to be a part of their life. i’m happy they’re happy, and i don’t want to get in the middle of that and would love to just support them in their new relationship.

i also start college in exactly one month and i’m absolutely freaking out because i have to face the fact that i’m no longer a kid and my responsibilities are about to increase. it’s also kind of depressing because a lot of my high school friends are leaving for college and i’m going to miss them a lot. if you have any tips for college they will be very much appreciated as my anxiety about it will not go away.

i’m sorry to just kind of spill everything on you but i just really love talking to you and the positivity and advice you give me help me get through times when i’m really struggling. i really do consider you a close friend and i appreciate everything you do for me.

please don’t feel rushed to get back to me but i would love to hear from you soon. i’ve missed you so much! i hope everything is going well and you yourself are doing great :) i can’t wait to hear from you <3

awww~ i'm sorry my love, i know i've been away for a while but it's not without a reason, i promise! i'm here to stay now though so don't be sad!

it really has been a while, i'm scared to think that i'm not up to date with you so i'm sorry i'm not able to comment on anything current for you if that's the case

oh darling, im really sorry to hear that. i think you and me both have been in a slump despite it being summer but i promise that everything will get better, it just takes a little time. the best advice i can give is to not push yourself and take things slow. there's no need to force yourself to 'recover', take a day or two to do nothing or anything you want and when you feel up to it, take some time to yourself to reflect on what you think may be wrong, there's no one else who knows you better than yourself so if you really look deep, i think you'll find something. and with that, you can realise what to do to get out of your slump or seek out someone who might know how to help you. if you want, i'm here to listen any time, just chat with my privately.

that's wonderful! making/getting a nice, clean environment is the first step to a better, healthier mindset, it works wonders! you sound like such a busy bee, how do you not just collapse?! i admire you, i'll have to get on your level really quick if i want to keep up with the pace of life and being able to get out the updates i want to get out on time.

I'm sorry it didn't work out but you're so mature and that comes quite rarely nowadays, so i hope you keep that part of you always and realise how precious and wonderful it is to have. i'm sure you'll find an even better match some day, i just know it, judging from how lovely you are already, i'm sure it's not too far away.

i promise that college/university isn't as bad as it may seem. it's a great time where you discover more about yourself, learn to live independently and make new friends! and as long as you keep in contact with your high school friends, i'm sure you'll be fine, my friends and i, despite going to different universities, kept in contact and are still really good friends now even though we've met new people and made new friends too. some advice...don't pressure yourself into doing things you're uncomfortable with or aren't confident in. like i said, this is a time of self-discovery, there's no need to rush into new things just because you've never done them before or because other people are doing it. do what you want to do and at your own pace. it's also best that you surround yourself with good people who respect you and your values above anything else, they might not like the same things you like but if they respect you and treat you well, that's better than anything else. i don't really know what American college is like so i don't know how to advise you on what to bring when you move out or if you move out, im sorry, my love - better look to someone else for that

awww~ now i feel so guilty for not having replied for so long, i'm so so sorry, i hope you're doing well, dollface, please reply soon and tell me how you're doing again! i missed you millions but i slipped into a pretty big slump even after coming home and pushed myself to do work experience over the summer which didn't help much but now that it's over, i've gotten a little better so now i'm able to hop back onto things, thankfully!

goodness, this is going to be a long post!

#love; dollie #i missed you too darling #pls reply to me soon

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pucksnsticksnhockeyboys · 4 years

Text

matchmaker

request: Can I have prompt #68 w/ Matthew Tkachuk please? Thank you ahead of time!

prompt: “I want you to look at me the way you look at him.” / number 68 off of this list with Matthew Tkachuk.

summary: Matt keeps trying to set you up with random guys, until one day when he realizes he doesn’t want you going out with anyone else but him.

warnings: drinking, swearing

word count: 2.8k

You weren’t sure why you were such good friends with Calgary’s resident nuisance Matthew Tkachuk. He was nothing but trouble, that much was obvious by the way he was search the bar, trying to find an eligible guy for you.

It all started by a slip of your tongue. You hadn’t meant to spur him on, and if you had known just the lengths he would go to in order to prove you wrong you would have never agreed to see a movie with him. You would have avoided having him ask you about your love life and you definitely would not have told him you thought he couldn’t set you up with a guy you actually liked.

Because he took it as a challenge, and now every time you went out with him and other friends to bars or clubs he would constantly point out guys he thought you would like. Unsurprisingly, none of the matches stuck.

“What about him?” Matt elbowed your side from his spot beside you in a booth. You had been busy talking to his teammate and your mutual friend Johnny, but the conversation was quickly dropped, much to your chagrin.

See, the reason none of Matt’s matches seemed to work was because you were more or less in love with him. He may be a pest, but you found his teasing endearing most of the time. Not to mention, with his gorgeous eyes and wild curls, he wasn’t half bad to look at. But he couldn’t know this, not when it was so obvious that he wasn’t interested.

So you let him play matchmaker, enjoying just a little bit how frustrated he got when you were completely uninterested in any of the guys.

Your gaze followed the direction that Matt’s finger was pointed to find someone so completely not your type. You roll your eyes, ignoring the curly haired boy beside you in a bid to get him to stop.

Of course, that never deterred him.

“Come on, why not?” He urged, and Johnny excused himself. Johnny was the only person that knew of your feelings, and you hadn't even meant to tell him. It was a night similar to this one and you had one too many drinks, and Johnny had just happened to be there when you spotted Matt talking to some gorgeous girl that had you feeling green with envy. You spilled your guts then, and now you desperately wanted to follow Johnny, but by the attractive, albeit shit-eating, grin on Matt’s face had you rooted in your spot. Once more, you roll your eyes at him. It was a typical action when you were around him, so he wasn’t fazed in the slightest.

“Not my type.” You offered lamely, taking a sip of your drink to make sure you wouldn’t spill the truth. You were a few drinks in and sometimes that meant you let secrets spill easy—case in point, Johnny. But this was one you had been harboring for a while and had gotten pretty decent at hiding—though you could never be too careful.

“You say that about every guy. I’m starting to think you don’t actually have a type.” Matt sighed, clearly exasperated with your answer.

“Maybe I don’t want to hook up with some random guy in a bar.” You shrugged. Matt screwed his face up at that and you giggled.

“You don’t have to hook up with him. Just talk to him.” You shook your head, knowing there was no point of arguing him with. He was stubborn and though you usually didn't mind it, you were getting tired of having to tell him you weren’t interested in other guys while avoiding the fact that you were interested in him.

“Trust me, Matty. It’s one in the morning at a bar, that guy just wants to hook up.”

The next time you saw Matt, it had been at your apartment. It was tradition that before he left for road trips, he would come to yours and you would cook him dinner. It started one night when he came over, complaining that he didn’t have any food at his place. You had already been in the process of cooking for yourself, so you invited him to stay. Calgary had won nearly every game on the trip, and he came home insisting their string of good games had been due to your cooking.

“Back off, Tkachuk.” You teased, watching as he eyed the chicken in the pan. He laughed, pinching your side as he moved past you to return to his seat at the island. You focused on cutting the vegetables to try and cover up the fact this touch—no matter how obnoxious it was—had you blushing.

“I can’t help it, I’m starving.” You rolled your eyes, but nonetheless smiled. He was a pest, you were well aware of it, but you loved him for it.

“It’ll be better when it’s actually done.” You chided. After that, he let you cook in peace, and as he typically did, he set plates out. You ate in the living room, the show you had been watching as of late on, and Matt only slightly complained when he didn't know what was happening.

“You’re the best cook I know.” Matt complimented, setting his plate on the coffee table and you mimicked his actions, him leaning into the back of the couch and you resting against the armrest. You stretched your legs out across his lap, trying to ignore the way your heart skipped a beat when his hands fell atop your shins. It wasn't an unfamiliar position for the two of you to be in, but it never failed to fluster you.

“Even better than your mother?” You teased, glancing between him and the television. He wasn't paying attention, though he usually didn’t when he wasn’t the one to pick the show, but what was odd was that he was looking at you. He laughed, though you could tell that he was a bit distraction. The weight of his gaze fell heavy on you, and you couldn't help but turn to face him. When you met his stare, it felt as if something shifted between the two of you.

“My mom’s is the best, but you’re like my home away from home.” He said, and there was a charge in the air that had your cheeks burning red and you forced your attention back the the show. You weren’t sure where his confession had come from, as Matt wasn’t one to get serious often. But the way he was dragging his thumb over the exposed skin of your legs, and the fact that his gaze hadn’t left the side of your head had you letting yourself believe that his words hinted at something more. “When’s the last time you went on a date?”

And just like that, the moment was over. He was back to his matchmaker ways, and you sighed. You stood up, collecting the dirty plates and heading back into your kitchen to start cleaning up.

“Why do you care, Matty?” You argued, having heard him called your name as he followed you.

“Because I don’t want you to be lonely when I’m gone.”

“So you want me to go on a date?” You were starting to get annoyed, you had let yourself get your hopes up in the moment and suddenly you were faced with reality once more. The reality where you and Matt were nothing more than friends and he wanted to set you up with up someone else.

“I mean, kinda?” He sounded conflicted, which was new. You turned to face him, his brows were tugged together as he studied you. His hands were on his hips as he looked down at you, and you suddenly became self-conscious under his gaze. “I don't know.”

This wasn't your Matthew. He was always so self-assured, cocky on the ice and borderline off of it. The young man standing in your kitchen seemed so unsure of himself, as if he was looking for the answer to an unasked question in you.

“I uh, I’ve got to get up early tomorrow.” This time, it was your turn to look at the other with confusion. You nodded, the look of total puzzlement on your face as you watched Matt head for the door. You barely were able to tell him goodbye before he was out of your apartment, the door shutting behind him and leaving you alone and confused.

You hadn’t gotten any answers as to his unusual behavior and he had been back from his road trip for a few days. Though, by the second game while he was away, he had called you late one night to catch up on your day. He seemed a little more reserved, which had you wondering if you had done something wrong. Thinking that you hadn't gotten so frustrated at him for trying to set you up. Since then, you had been searching for your matchmaking best friend, because even if you hated his set ups, at least he was by your side.

You were supposed to go out with the boys, because even if Matt was being weird, you were still friends with all of them. So after their game had ended, you waited a while before heading down the hallway by the locker rooms to wait for them to finish up post-game interviews and take their much needed showers.

Johnny was the first to exit, and upon spotting you, made a bee-line to get to you. He had an exasperated look on his face, and considering you hadn’t seen him since before this last road trip, you weren't sure what was up. You were about to question him, but all you were able to do was raise your brow in confusion before he spoke.

“You have to tell Matt you like him back.” You eyes bulged out of your head and you swatted his arm and shushed him, the totality of his words not hitting you yet.

“People could hear you!” You hissed, pulling him by his bicep out of the crowd, most of which were giving you looks not from what Johnny had said, but from how you reacted. “And what do you mean back?”

“He’s been nonstop talking about you since the road trip.” Johnny sounded exhausted, and if your mind hadn't been racing a million miles a minute about the implications of his statement, you would've sympathized with him about Matt’s ability to be a pest. “Something about how he went for dinner at yours and it just kind of hit him that he’s always been in love with you.”

“Johnny, what the fuck!” You shrieked. It was nearly too much information to receive at once, that your best friend, that you were in love with, returned your feelings. Johnny laughed at you, the sound of your exclamation drew the attention of Elias and Matt, who emerged from the locker room at the same time.

When you met Matt’s gaze, you felt your stomach do flips. You smiled awkwardly at him, cheeks a little flustered when suddenly an idea came to you. Matt had been acting different around you because he realized he had feelings for you, and as a punishment for making you second guess yourself, you were going to mess with him.

“You promise you’re telling the truth?” You whispered to Johnny, not only because you needed just that little bit extra affirmation that your feelings were returned and also because you didn't want Matt to hear you.

“I wouldn't lie to you, especially not about something like this.” Johnny replied, talking in the same low volume you did. You grinned widely at this, turning back to Matt, cataloging how he was smiling softly at you. Usually, after he played as good as he had tonight, his smile would be smug. You wanted your old Matt back, and you had a plan to get him back.

“You know what, Matty?” You said with a grin as he and Elias were within earshot. He beamed at the nickname, and you had used it enough that his teammates had given up chirping him about it. “I’m going to let you play matchmaker tonight. Find me a good one.” You pat his bicep as you walked past him, pretending to ignore the way his smile faltered at your comment or at the fact that Johnny and Elias both started to laugh at the flabbergasted look on his face.

Tonight was going to be fun.

As soon as you had gotten to the bar, you had broken off from the group to use the bathroom, and then you made your way to the bar. You weren’t alone long, because a tall, unfamiliar, figure stood next to your stool.

He was handsome, in the typical way that was almost boring to you. He didn't have the curly hair that Matt did, or the smug grin that somehow was endearing despite the fact that he made you roll your eyes more times than any person you had ever met.

But this stranger was someone that seemed interested in you, if the way he was smiling at you was any indication.

“Hi.” You greeted shyly, because even if you had a plan to mess with Matt, you were still talking to an attractive guy at the bar. You glanced over your shoulder, feeling the weight of someone’s eyes on you and were completely unsurprised to see Matt boring holes into the back of your head. You shot Matt a wink before turning back to the stranger, propping your chin up on the palm of your hand for extra effect.

The stranger barely was able to return the greeting before a solid body slid behind you. The newcomer placed a hand on your hip, no doubt glaring at the stranger in front of you over your shoulder. You knew who it was, though you were a little shocked at the speed that he had crossed the bar at.

“What’s up, man?” Matt asked the guy, his hand on your hip shifting so his arm was around your waist. You leaned back into him, smiling at the way his grip tightened on you at your action. The stranger eyed Matt carefully, the way he wrapped himself around you, and you would’ve called Matt out for his casual possessiveness, except you were reveling in the feeling of his touch on you.

The stranger left without any protest, and you spun on your stool to face Matt. His arm fell from around you, and you spotted the frown on his face. Even from your spot on the stool, you were still slightly looking up at him as he leaned sideways against the bar.

“Why are you so pouty, Matty?” You teased, poking his stomach and mimicking his frown.

“I want you to look at me the way you look at him.” He confessed, and though you had been trying to make him confront his feelings you hadn’t expected him to give in so soon.

Matthew Tkachuk was nothing if not stubborn, but his current demeanor showed that he truly cared about.

And because you were trying to process a thousand and one different thoughts, you laughed, effectively ruining the moment. Matt looked at you, and you could tell that he was confused—even a little nervous, and your Matt didn't get nervous—by your reaction.

“Sorry.” You chuckled, waving a hand between the two of you. “It’s just, I do look at you the way you think I was looking that guy.”

“You do?” You chuckled at the way his eyes practically bulged out of his head and he had never looked more confused, more hopeful, than he did in the moment he processed your words.

“I have for, like, months now.” You nodded. “I was just doing that to mess with you.”

And just like that, your Matthew was back. His shocked smile turned to a shit-eating grin, his cocky aura retuning. You smiled widely, glad that not only did he return to normal, but your feelings were out in the open and, most importantly, they were returned.

“So, I guess that means I can do this.” Matt stated smugly, using one of his hands to cup your face. He was leaning in, giving you enough time to back out if you wanted to. Before you knew it, his lips were crashing against yours and any remarks you could have made left your mind in an instant. It was a long time coming, and the fact that Matt had been so oblivious to your feelings was so on brand that the kiss was a little awkward with how much you both were smiling.

When you pulled away to breathe, Matt looked like the cat that ate the canary. You rolled your eyes at him, but the smile never left your face as he dropped his hand from your face, parting your knees to stand between them. You sighed, propping your head on your hand, looking up at Matt the same way you had been looking at the stranger earlier. Except, this time, the adoration on your face was genuine.

“Guess you can.”

#matthew tkachuk #Matthew tkachuk imagine #Matthew tkachuk imagines #Matthew tkachuk x reader #hockey #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #nhl #nhl imagine #calgary #calgary flames #calgary flames imagine #flames

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spencers-renaissance · 4 years

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Even More Beautiful

Summary: the BAU is stuck in Michigan with no case and no way home, so naturally, Spencer and Derek confess their love for one another. Based on the prompt ‘You look even more beautiful covered in snow.’

Tags: Fluff, Love Confessions, Snowball Fights, Insecurity, a little Hurt/Comfort

Pairing: Morgan x Reid

Word Count: 3.5k

Read on AO3

It never fails to amaze Spencer just how cold the United States can be sometimes. Intellectually, of course, he’s aware that a typical Michigan winter drops down to single digits in the Upper Peninsula, but experiencing such a fact is always shockingly different to reading it. He can’t help but be bitter they weren’t called to Arizona or New Mexico so late in November; growing up in Nevada did not prepare him well for the city of Marquette.

Their proximity to Lake Superior doesn’t help either, as he explains to Emily as she loudly laments the snowfall. “It shouldn’t be so damn hard to walk 300 metres, is all I’m saying, Reid,” she groans, dragging her legs. He doesn’t exactly think his explanation for the snow helped all that much, but at least their hotel is finally in sight. “I can run a six minute mile, okay, I should not be finding walking this hard.”

“You should’ve worn your snow boots,” he says lightly and politely doesn’t mention that he’s slowing his pace to match hers -- he doesn’t have a death wish.

His comment still makes Emily pause and look down at his feet. “Wait, you keep those in your go bag?” she asks incredulously.

“Of course,” he says, a little obliviously. Doesn’t everyone? “It’s winter, I don’t want to be caught out. Like you.”

Emily finally regains her composure and keeps walking, chuckling lightly to herself. “I swear, Reid, your preparedness is mildly grating sometimes.”

“I’ve been told,” he smiles, pushing open the door to the lobby, much to Emily’s relief.

They’d been on their way back from the Police Department; Hotch had asked them to tie up the loose ends and pick up the reports since they were the last ones there and he had a call to answer that didn’t look pleasing to him in the slightest, and unfortunately the trek back had been a foul one. As soon as they step into the hotel lobby though, they’re met with a miserable sight. The whole team is either sat on the uncomfortable lobby furniture looking dejected or restlessly pacing while Hotch remains on the phone, talking agitatedly with the person on the other end of the line.

“What’s going on?” Emily asks as they approach the group, ripping off their hats and gloves as the heated lobby begins to warm them up nicely.

“All flights out of Michigan are grounded,” Derek answers, walking over to meet them as he looks both of them over carefully, eyes concerned. “You two alright? You look frozen to the bone.”

“Department was working with bare bones staff so there was no-one free to drive us back and not a cab in sight. We walked through 9 inches of snow while it was still coming down heavy,” Emily answered for both of them, Spencer content to tuck his hands in his pockets and observe as always. “But the flights are grounded? How are we getting home, then?”

“That’s precisely the problem, I think,” Derek answers grimly. “Technically we could still fly home as a government agency, but the jet pilot doesn’t think it’s safe and the brass are advising us to wait a bit. The snow’s predicted to lessen a little over the next few days, apparently, but we’re waiting to hear if Hotch has any more news.”

Everyone else looks thoroughly miserable at the news, but then Spencer supposes that most people have plans and family to get home for. To him, this is a few days with a virtual guarantee of no case surrounded by beautiful scenery. Plus, he gets to be around his favourite people for a little while longer.

“Right,” Emily says, looking a little disappointed at the idea of waiting longer than necessary to get home. “I’m gonna go and check on JJ.” She smiles at Reid, clapping him gently on the shoulder before wandering over to the sofa JJ’s sat on.

“You alright, pretty boy?” Derek asks. “You’re still looking a little on the chilly side.”

“Well, we did trek down the entire street in almost a foot of snow so I’m not sure you can blame me,” he smiles wryly, fiddling his fingers inside his pockets, nervous in the way he so often gets around Derek.

“No, I don’t suppose I can.” He casts a glance Hotch’s way, who doesn’t look any closer to a resolution. “How about we head back up to the room? Garcia rebooked them for tonight anyway and I don’t see much point in waiting around for nothing. Let’s go get you a hot chocolate and warm you back up.”

“I can’t have coffee?” Spencer smiles hopefully, knowing Derek hates how restless he gets after a nighttime espresso.

“Not when you’re sharing a room with me, kid, you know that,” Derek grins, as they make their way to the elevators.

★

They all go out for brunch the next morning, squeezing into the largest booth at the local diner and enjoying some rare, stress-free time together, and by the time they all pour out onto the street it's early afternoon.

“Right, shall we head back to the hotel for a bit, then?” Rossi asks as they pause on the pavement.

“Emily and I were going to head to the highstreet for a bit, actually,” JJ replies, shooting a smile Emily’s way. Spencer only feels sorry for JJ, knowing how much complaining she’s going to hear. He loves Emily to pieces but the woman has a lot to say about a lot of things.

“I’ll head back with you, Dave,” Hotch says unsurprisingly. Spencer expects he’s making a beeline for the phone to ring home and speak to Jack.

“What about you, kid?” Derek asks, turning to look at him with a questioning gaze as the others begin to peel off in the direction of their destinations.

“I don’t know, I’m feeling kind of restless, I’m not sure I want to go back and sit uselessly in the hotel room for hours on end,” he replies, cocking his head and looking back at his friend as his eyes squint against the wintry sun. “I only bought eight books with me.”

“Well Presque Isle Park is a ten minute from here, how about we take a midday walk up there?” Derek suggests, chuckling a little at Spencer’s comment.

“Really?” Spencer asks, a little shocked. “You want to go on an hours long walk through the snow in a random city’s park with me?”

“Course I do, pretty boy,” Derek reassures him. “Plus, the snow’s melted a little and the paths in the park will probably be cleared anyway. Let me call a taxi while you text the others so they know where we’re headed.”

Driving through the beautiful streets of Marquette, Spencer can see the tangible relief the city is experiencing now that the case is wrapped up and there’s no longer a freaky woman hater stalking the citizens. It’s nice hanging around a little after the case and getting to see with his own eyes the effects of their hard work, the good that they can instill in the world as they counterbalance the bad.

“What’s going on in that big head of yours, Spencer?” Derek asks, cutting through his dreamy thoughts.

“Nothing, it’s just,” he paused for a moment trying to explain. “It’s a beautiful town and it’s nice to see that we could preserve it that way, that we didn’t let evil corrupt it.” He lifts his gaze to Derek’s just in time to see his eyes soften, fondness and something else he couldn’t quite discern filling his expression.

Instead of saying anything though, he just shoots him a wistful smile and looks back out the window.

They arrive at the park fairly quickly and Derek pays the driver while Spencer hops out and is immediately captivated by the beauty surrounding him. He nearly jumps when Derek follows closely behind and places a large hand on his shoulder, steering him towards the path. “It’s breathtaking out here, isn’t it?” he asks him, but Spencer’s eyes catch on the vapour that the words produce and, consequently, Derek’s lips. Shaking himself out of it, he nods and quickly agrees before his eyes catch a wooden sign and he rushes over to it.

“It says that there’s a walk that goes around the perimeter of the peninsula the park rests on, we could start walking it and turn around if we need to?” Spencer suggests, calling behind him to where Derek still stood in the middle of the path, fiddling with his gloves.

“Sounds good, pretty boy,” he calls back, finally getting them settled and jogging forward to catch up with him.

They walk in silence for a little while, both taking in the breathtaking sights of the trees and the lake, snow and ice making everything appear even more beautiful. The first people they pass are a young family with two little children who cheerily greet them as they rush past them in a heated game of tag. “I can’t imagine what it must have been like to be raised somewhere as idyllic as this,” Spencer comments a little nostalgically, breaking the silence in a quiet voice 18 minutes and 45 seconds into their leisurely stroll.

“Vegas didn’t give you quite the same views?” Derek smiles sarcastically.

“Somehow, no,” Spencer chuckles back. “But I can’t imagine the South Side of Chicago was much better.”

“It wasn’t too bad,” Derek muses. “Granted we lived on a rundown street in a rundown neighbourhood, but the local park was surprisingly unscathed by any of the nasty business that might have plagued the area, at least to our naive eyes. We weren’t too far from the River, either, which was beautiful through all the seasons.”

“That’s nice,” Spencer says, shooting Derek a genuine smile. “I’m glad you had something like that growing up, you deserved it.”

“So did you, though,” Derek says, a little sadly. “I wish more than anything I could have been there when you were younger.”

Spencer smiles at the ground, trying to hide his blush, not knowing how to say, ‘I wish the same about you’ without feeling awkward. “You’re here now, though,” he settles on, and looks up into Derek’s wide, welcome eyes and tries to convey his gratitude.

“That I am.”

“You know, you guys are the first people who I’ve ever been able to fully be myself around,” Spencer confesses, feeling safe in the cool, clean air with only his best friend close by. “I was thinking about it yesterday; everyone else was excited to get home to their families, and I was just glad I had an extra day or two with mine.”

“Hey, Spencer,” Derek says, tugging gently at his arm to get him to slow to a stop and levelling him with a gaze that sort of punched a whole through his stomach with its power. “You can always be yourself around me, I hope you know that. You’re just as much my family as I am yours, alright?”

Spencer’s certain he’s beet red, but he tries his hardest not to look away. “Thanks Derek,” he says earnestly, finally ducking his head in embarrassment. They start walking again and Spencer can’t resist the urge to dissipate some of the intensity in the air, so he feigns a heavy sigh in jest. “Don’t worry, though. I’m fully aware I’m stuck with you for good.”

Derek fakes a gasp. “Alright, pretty boy, I’d watch your mouth if I was you.” He shoves him sideways gently, and Spencer stumbles a little. Derek barely budges, though, when Spencer shoves him back.

“You’re a great big oaf, you know that right?” Spencer giggles, trying his hardest to get to Derek to stumble the way he did, finally giving up. “Why won’t you move?” he whines.

“Well, pretty boy, it goes a little like this…” Derek catches him off guard and with another push, sends Spencer tumbling into the soft snow bank at the side of the path, freezing in shock as he realises what he just did.

“You are going to regret that, Derek Morgan,” Spencer laughs loudly as he picks himself up, trying to dust a little of the snow off his coat. He watches the relief melt into his best friend’s eyes as he realises he didn’t hurt him but, naturally, he knows he has to take advantage of his momentary weakness so he crouches down and gathers a hastily rolled snowball and chucks it directly at Derek’s chest.

“Oh, I see how it is,” Derek laughs, inching forwards slowly.

“You see how it is?” Spencer teases in retaliation.

“I do, I do see how it is.” Derek grins wickedly. “I see that Spencer Reid is unleashing his inner child and is rather desperate to have a snowball fight.”

“Is that so?” Spencer giggles, amused by Derek’s antics.

Before he can register what’s happening, Derek’s throwing his own hastily thrown snowball his way, hitting him square on his shoulder. He shrieks with glee, running away through the snow, trying to dodge Derek’s snowball assault, eventually managing to take shelter behind a tree. He starts compiling his own fortress of snowballs, but before he can make his third, Derek’s suddenly in front of him, armed with another. Catching him off guard, he stumbles backwards again, this time grabbing onto the sleeve of Derek’s coat for purchase and tugging him down with him into the snow.

Giggling like school children, they lay in the snow for a little while, ignoring the cold seeping through their jackets and into their bones. Eventually, though, Spencer sits up, trying to brush some of the snow away. He’s grumbling quietly about how drenched he is when he’s interrupted by eight words that make every muscle in his body still completely.

“You look even more beautiful covered in snow.”

He is completely frozen. Derek calls him pretty all the time, so surely this shouldn’t be any different, right? He’s definitely overreacting. But there’s a difference between teasing nicknames and directly calling him beautiful, he knows there is. It’s just sort of breaking his heart that it’s everything he’s wanted to hear from Derek for years and he can’t even enjoy it; he can’t trust it.

He knows he’s blushing deeply, and Derek also looks frozen, in shock at the words that just let his mouth, and it’s awkward. It hasn’t ever been awkward between them, tension was a mystery in their relationship -- they’d clicked immediately, getting along like a house on fire -- so why could they no longer meet one another’s eyes?

Quietly, they both get up and come to a silent consensus to turn back the other way. Slowly, the awkwardness eases between them and the silence becomes a little more bearable. The static in Spencer’s mind fades with it and he no longer feels as though his brain is short-circuiting, but that he can think about it clearly. Derek said it for a reason, he’s sure it meant something and he can’t go on without hearing it for certain.

“Did you mean it?” Spencer asks earnestly, voice still a little muted. He’s too shy and uncertain to make eye contact, but he’s proud of himself for being brave enough to ask the question; he deserves to know and he owes himself that.

He manages to hold back the surprised flinch that ripples through his body as he feels Derek’s fingers clasp his upper arm gently, pulling him to a stop. He gently nudges his fingers under Spencer’s chin, lifting his face to look at his own, making sure he registers his deep, genuine gaze. “I did.”

Immediately, Spencer pulls away and looks down at the snowy path beneath his boots. Truthfully he’s struggling to process what’s going on at the moment: surely the man he’s been in love with for the last three years isn’t telling him what he thinks he is?

Derek lifts his chin again, concerned eyes meeting his own. “Hey, you okay, beautiful boy?”

Spencer has never been more confident of the difference between pretty boy and beautiful boy, so he leans in and presses a quick, shy kiss against Derek’s lips before he can stop himself. Suddenly unsure of himself again, though, he moves to pull away but Derek reaches a large palm to his cheek and leans back in, sliding his lips over Spencer’s softly, and Spencer can’t help but part his lips slightly, completely drawn into and consumed by Derek’s kiss.

Eventually, reluctantly, they part with another, soft kiss, leaning their foreheads together. “I’m not sure I can think of a more beautiful place to share a first kiss,” Spencer grins, unable to help himself.

Derek laughs heartily, leaning away from his face and grabbing his hand gently instead. “I think you’re right about that, pretty boy.”

“Hey, I thought I was beautiful boy, now,” Spencer pouts, and Derek leans in, unable to resist kissing away his faux grumpy expression.

“That you are,” he says gently. “My beautiful boy.”

★

When they finally make it back to the hotel, Spencer’s freezing cold and soaked to the skin.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to be warm again,” he grumbles, forcing Derek to wrestle him into a warm bath and bury him under the covers, swathed in one of Derek’s own sweaters. “God, I could get used to seeing you in my clothes,” he groaned as soon as Spencer was warm and tucked in. To be fair, the jumper was big on Derek so it definitely hung off and accentuated Spencer’s smaller frame, which was exactly what he needed at that moment.

“You’re such a typical alpha male,” Spencer giggles. “So possessive. Go and have a shower, silly, then you can come and join me.” He waggles his eyebrows jokingly, and Derek smiles fondly before obeying his orders and warming himself up.

Not long after they’ve climbed into bed, relaxing into each other’s arms in a non-platonic way for the first time ever, Emily knocks on their door inviting them out for a group dinner. Derek kindly turns down the invitation though, explaining how exhausted they are from their earlier trek, and she leaves them be, the rest of the team traipsing back into town. Spencer definitely thinks they have the winning idea when instead they sneakily order from the local Chinese and climb back into bed, spreading the cartons across the sheets in an inviting feast.

Derek props up his tablet up on top of a cushion on his lap and Spencer shows him how to download episodes of the original Doctor Who, and they eat quietly in a haven of domestic bliss, a momentary escape from the stress of their jobs, the pressure of their friends, the responsibilities of life. Derek, in turn, tries to teach Spencer how to properly use chopsticks, an endeavour that he’s failed in far too many times to keep trying.

“I know how to use them in theory,” Spencer protests.

“Well that eidetic memory doesn’t come much in handy here, does it?” Derek teases. “Even your 187 IQ doesn’t stand a chance at teaching you coordination.”

“You’re being mean,” he pouts.

“Aww, I’m sorry, baby,” he smiles, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before finally letting him have the plastic fork he’d been hiding, purposefully ignoring the indicting glare being shot his way.

When their cartons are empty, they lean back even further into the well-cushioned bed. “I’ve been in love with you for three years, you know,” Spencer confesses softly, drawing lines on Derek’s chest which is currently acting as his pillow, despite the abundance behind him.

“Really?” Derek asks, clearly surprised.

“You didn’t know?”

“Of course not,” he replies incredulously. “If I’d known I’d have made a move years ago.”

“We are certifiable idiots.”

“Yes we are.”

“I never said anything because…” Spencer gives himself a moment, trying to find the right words and not humiliate himself. “I never thought you could love anyone like me. I mean despite the obvious, being very much male, I’m a lanky nerd, not like the pretty girls you pick up in bars when we go out.”

“Oh, baby,” Derek sighs, carding a hand through Spencer’s hair before pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head. “There’s a reason I’ve called you pretty boy all these years. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met and I’ve been infatuated pretty much since I met you. You are far prettier than any of those girls I’ve met in bars. Far more special. Far more precious. You’re seriously important to me, okay?”

“Okay,” Spencer says, and he can’t hide the pleased note in his voice. He’s blushing, of course he is, but it’s out of pleasure this time, not embarrassment. He feels honoured to be of such importance to Derek, and he can’t help but feel like the luckiest person in the world right now, wrapped up in his strong, gentle arms. A sudden drowsiness seeps into his veins and he feels his limbs getting heavy.

Derek clearly recognises it, and presses another gentle kiss to the top of his head. “Sleep, baby. I’ll be here when you wake up,” he promises. “We have so much to look forward to.”

Spencer finally falls asleep, believing that’s true for the first time in a long time.

#my writing #criminal minds fic #criminal minds writing #spencer reid #derek morgan #moreid #spencer reid x derek morgan #morgan x reid

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jidai · 3 years

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jidai’s budget mutuals/friends appreciation

Hi, all! I’m quite late with this but I decided to put a small friends and mutual appreciations post in hopes of brightening up the end of this year a little bit. ❤️ If you were tagged, please make sure to check below for a small little message from me. However, I want to make it very clear that I truly appreciate all of my mutuals. You guys brighten up my dash and always reblog or create so many funny and creative posts. I just wanted to give a few special shout outs to those that have taken out the time to reach out and interacted with me past my ask box or we just see each other often.

The messages are ordered by your URL, so you might have to scroll for awhile before you see your messages. I’m so sorry lmao.

Happy New Years, everyone!

@25th, Nonnie, the Young Genius. bro, remind me how old you are 🧍‍♀️ Like my brain CANNOT fathom the thought that you’re so skilled at SO many things and you’re not even in your twenties??? PLEASE SPARE THE TALENT. i will even accept crumbs. But I’m writing to tell you that you are such a wonderful presence on my dash. I always look forward to your gfx. They’re so SO good and you’re improving from one post to another. Like WOW. Now, you’re even starting an art blog, too? You’re so dedicated to the arts. I respect that a lot. Your hard work and commitment will bring you very far in life, whatever you decide to do.

I love interacting with you. You’re such a big sweetheart and full of positivity and energy. I look forward to seeing more of your art and gfx ❤️

@biscuitwalk, Dann, the AK Wiz. Dann, I know you’re not as active on here so idk when or if you will ever read this but I want to say that I miss you and your creations so, so much. I will say it a hundred times over and OVER but you inspire me so goddamn much. You have no fucking idea. Your works are absolutely gorgeous and unique. I can look at it once and I can instantly recognize your style (and your cute lil’ pufferfish <3). The way you utilize colors and implement various techniques, shapes, textures into your work. Goddamn, you’re so good. I always look to your work if I ever need inspiration and they help me brainstorm. God, I wish I could put it into words how much I adore your works.

We didn’t really talk for long but you seemed like such a kind and fun person to be around. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, wherever you are. Stay safe <3

@elriccs, Mirai, the Short King. 🧍‍♀️ ok look I know, I know I’m TERRIBLE at replying to you and I’m so fucking sorry. I absolutely love to talk to you but my dumbass cannot seem to reply in a timely manner LASELKSAL. That’s on me and I gotta do better. Anyways!!! Thank you SO fucking much for always leaving such kind messages on my work. I swear to god you’re one of my biggest hype man and I ALWAYS look forward to reading your tags. They’re so funny and it makes me all tingly and happy inside. Bro, like, you just radiate big fun vibes, bro. I really hope that I can get to know you better so I can just insult you until it’s too late to walk away </3

And of course, let me also remind you that I love your works so much. They way that you utilize your textures and those muted colors... OOMPH *chefs kiss* I will always love--

@lockhvrts, Em the Soulsborne GOD. hi em 🥺 it’s been awhile since I’ve had a proper conversation with you and I hope you’re doing okay! I miss you and our conversations where we do nothing but geek out and complain about the game industry lmao. if you manage to read this, I just wanted to let you know I miss your presence here. It’s been kinda dull not seeing your beautiful soulsborne gifs and your game rants. Let’s catch up soon. <3 stay safe and well!

@nathanprescutt, Benn, the Man. BENNNNNNNN. I love you a lot bro. I know we haven’t had long conversations for some time and I hope I can change that! You were my first friend on this blog and I will always appreciate it. I remember us just geeking out over your works and how I would always send you a gfx request like once a week LMAO. The one thing that I have always appreciated about you was the fact that you’re very opinionated (if not, very vocal on your stance on things) and you hold your ground. There were a few time where you encouraged me to speak on topics that I think I shouldn’t and that stuck with me for quite awhile. I’m still a nervous rambling mess when it comes to debates but just know that the one time you supported me to voice my opinion--I hold it very dear to my heart.

While I don’t spend much time together, I will always remember our animal crossing session. It was so much fun just trashing and chilling on your island. Especially the bar :( that bar was fucking AMAZING. Maybe once FFXVI comes out, we can geek out hehe

Also, thank you so much for sending in photos of all your doggos, omg. I miss seeing them so much I hope they’re doing well. Stay hot, my German bro lol. Ich bin sehr dankbar, so eine tolle Freundin zu haben. ❤️❤️❤️

@noxdivina, Lin the Big Dick Daddy Kind. The church is open for business bitch and I’m here to preach the GOSPEL.

Okay, jokes aside, I’m really happy that we became mutuals. You’ve always give off this like, mysterious cosmic vibe (????? huh). And your selfies just further proves that you are wtf. But you’re always so kind to those that you interact with. You’re an absolutely sweetheart and like I just want to give you a giant hug every time we interact. You’re such a soft human being. It’s so nice being around you. It’s like being tossed in the oven and baked at 250 degrees F for 25 minutes. And to boot you’re really talented, hello? God really said let there be a perfect human being and yeeted you into the universe. Thank you for always leaving such kind messages and words in my DM/askbox/works. I cherish them so much. I hope I can get to know you better in the future bc you’re rad, bro <3

anyways, updated drawing of u and maya:

i always assume you’re in a black fur parka 24/7 and maya is coatless neck down. also deck me with those jacked arms of yours thanks 🧍‍♀️

(edit: fuck i forgot to draw a PARTY HAT ON MAYA IM SORRY)

@rokuseis, Sei, the Dumber.

i have nothing to say to you go away you banana hater ASELKSAEKL

BITCH, you doo bee getting on my nerve 24/7/365 🧍‍♀️ you were an unexpected but a very welcomed addition to my life. I can’t believe we really went 1 fuckin’ year without speaking to each other and then suddenly our friendship blew up because over a stupid BANANA. Now you gotta deal with me and my stupid, random, crude ass messages daily. I cannot. Clown to clown communication. But thank you so much bitch for being there for me and telling all of these funny ass stories and life experiences.

I know I don’t say it a lot because when we talk it’s literally just dogs barking at each other but I want to make it clear now: I love your humor and vibe so much. You never fail to make me laugh anytime I talk to you and I appreciate it so much. I can’t tell you how many times I felt better after talking to you. Even though sometimes your fucking jab hits hard and I end up actually inSULTED BY IT. But thank you for becoming my friend and I look forward to all of our stupid moments together. Looking forward to shitting in your sink when I finally fly to your home <3

@wolfamongthem, Anna, the Grinch. Please don’t hurt me for that title. I'm just saying if someone needs a live casting, it’ll be u. Anyways, did you know that I was so fucking intimidated by you for a long ass time, even before we became mutuals aseljas LMAO. I always see your gifs around on explore and they’re so gorgeous and then I look at your text posts and it’s u roasting people like there’s no tomorrow- 🧍‍♀️ bitch I was SCARED OF U KSKS. Now that I’ve talked to you a few times, you’re really funny like where do you find those reaction memes????? Like bro you and your shitposts is my morning cup of coffee.

Anyways, in 2021 I expect a full-fledge review of all AAA games from you-- no more shit talking in the tags let it all out BITCH. Thank you for being such a great mutual! I look forward to see what weird shit you will send me the next time we talk lmao

@zenien, Selm, the I’m-gay-for-Lady-Maria-or-anything-that-moves-in-BB-Bitch™. ok bitch if I’m being honest I wrote yours last so my brain is FRIED. so everything i say from here is raw from the HEARt cause that’s all I got left. But anyhow, we savin’ the best for last! honestly, i didn’t expect you to barge into my life like that. i really didn’t. i was just gonna keep admiring with my 7 feet (2.1336 meters) pole. I’m glad you made the first move because look where we are wtf 🧍‍♀️ friends??? I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that in 2014 when I first followed you lmao.

You’re such a kind soul. I know you may disagree but I’m determined to convince you. I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me during my rough bits. It’s like sitting on a wooden bench in a park during sunset and you sit next to me, just enjoying the vast sky. You radiate such peaceful energy. It’s very calming. Or you know, 2 seconds later i’m suddenly suplexed by your 40 tons of insults like what--

Thank you for everything, so far. Truly. It’s been so fun listening to you talk about your Bloodborne journey and see your reactions live. It’s been so fun to see you post your graphics and it continues to blow me away. It’s been so fun hearing about your life and the stories of your adulthood. Every words that we have exchanged, I hold dearly to my heart--more than you ever know. Love u bitch.

#for mutuals #mutuals don't ask about your titles i was being quirky LMAO #this took so long so i hope it works properly sksks #it hasn't been proofread so enjoy the mess

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mitsukui · 3 years

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Bee, my Darling,

How have you been? I wish I could ask that in person, I hate not being able to see you. You're probably busy, as always, I hope you remember to take some time for yourself.

For me, work has been alright lately. No new breakthroughs unfortunately, but that's fine, and things at the shop are going as usual. Just a tad bit boring without you there to distract me and mess the place up a bit, though. But if you ask me about it the next ime I see you, I will deny it.

Visited mum yesterday on my day off. I think she might be getting a bit bored at the Burrow, she wanted to redecorate. I got pulled into helping her and we moved around all the furniture. We'll see how long before it starts to annoy her and she wants it back in place.

Looking forward to your response. Can't wait until I can see you again so that I get to hold you in my arms. Don't miss me too much and take care of yourself, baby. Until next time.

Yours truly,

George

holy crap who gave you the fucking right

i don’t even care y’all i’m totally answering this as if it were real

i’m living my fantasy bye

George, love of my life,

I’ve been good. I’ve been busy, indeed, but the thought of being with you again soon takes the weight off my heart. Even when we’re miles apart, my only happiness is still you. I adore you.

I’m glad to hear everything’s fine. I mean, I know things would be so much better with me there, but don’t cry too much over it. And don’t cry yourself to sleep either. I’m well aware of the fact that you talk to my picture every single night before falling asleep, Fred has told me all about it. How has he been doing, by the way?

These days, I caught myself missing both your mum and dad. Hope they’re doing well. The muggle kids that I’ve been working with have all sorts of weird objects, so I’ve been trying to learn more about a few. I’ve been keeping a record of them. Hopefully, I will have lots to talk about to your dad once I see him again. Cooking my own meals has been a thing for me now, and I only wish I could be as good as your mum. Tell them I send them all of my love. Oh, and I must ask: did you use magic to move around all that heavy furniture? Tell me you didn’t. Tell me you used your big and strong arms. Please, I beg you! Tell me you even got your shirt off for this!

Counting backwards the days until I’m home. And, by ‘home’, I mean your arms. I miss you terribly, I’m sad to inform you. But I’ll manage it. I might be talking to your pic before bed as well.

Please, do not forget about me.

You’re my everything.

All my heart,

Bee.

#Anonymous #🌼 — personal: writings #🌼 — personal: favorite #tagging it both as 'writing' and 'favorite' BECAUSE I'VE HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE READING AND ANSWERING THAT OH MY GOD #i'm so happy

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anyu-blue · 3 years

Text

Busy as a bee

*sigh*

I had this big long thing typed up.. it's all gone now. That's twice it's happened. Let's see if third time's the charm.

It was about my trying to figure out how to talk about the shit I've been going through without just dumping it all on someone and having it be totally unjustified too...

I'm mad at my dad. I'm mad at Tevs... I'm mad at myself.

Basically...I'm frustrated that I'm seen as so much lesser than everyone else.

I know it's like 'no you're not!! You only think you are!! They love you!!' ... I've been smacked both literally and figuratively for saying 'you guys treat me different/unfairly compared to x'... But.. gods at this point I. Just. CAN'T keep believing them or telling myself that when the evidence is right in front of me. I feel like I must have done something REALLY BAD and BIG for everyone to pull away so hard... But at the same time... I... Can't figure what it is or how. I've asked too, but the closet I've gotten to an answer is 'You're too much, Meek.'

I know I sorta... Became a worse recluse than I was (kinda I'm response to that. Trying so hard NOT to be too much)... But I kept telling and telling and telling I was available and offering what I could and more... I kept trying to deal- if I need something I would provide in return, just name the price... Did I forget or fail to follow through with something? Or something? No one can think of anything to tell me that didn't have a legitimate reason if ever I did (as good as or better than they have given me) that I shared up front and sometimes in advance with them. I even went into detail about what might happen if I am asked for help on a bad day- I tend to be a bit grumpy if woken up, but will still be there to help and will apologize for any harshness as I am going about it. I do that- but... Nothing.. and every single person has offered and practically forced (in W0lfie's case) all of the stuff I've asked for onto anyone but me. Need help finding/getting a good word in for work! Sure!! *Gives me links to indeed and Job service sites I'm already on/refuses to say my application is in the mix for positions at their workplaces or downright says they don't know if I'm a good worker even though I gave them my sick day and late count and all that fun stuff to pass off or downright doesn't tell me there's a good opening they know about*

Oh such-and-such is happy where they're at? So-and-so Can't hold a job because they keep quitting? *Gives information about good jobs and puts in a good word for them and sticks their neck out to get them hired.. is surprised when the offer is rejected by the family that says they're already okay with their current work or the unreliable friend they got hired quits*... Oh woe is me, I need help and there's no one to turn to!! *Refuses to call me knowing I have the day off, have my phone on, and have said I'm free that day... Asks literally every other person even the ones that demand payment for the job or can only do a part of it.. or just ends up doing it themselves by dropping another important obligation instead of calling me*

The most common excuse for that last one is. 'oh I didn't want to make you more stressed.'

Um... I offered? I was here the whole time? What...?

*sigh*

I suppose I wouldn't be thinking of that stuff or be so upset by it all except for the fact I'm told these things and then I'm shown (and told) this last week people think I'm EXTREMELY lazy...

My dad and everyone else wants me to/thinks I should work more than 3 days a week... Or should get on disability if it's 'that hard.' Obviously they've never tried and seen THAT shit show... I have looked into it. Not only have I gotten treated like something to be disgusted by friends, family, medical professionals, and jobs alike (because it's oh so despicable to be on social security while young and spry- even though I have medically frail on my damn chart I'm apparently 'young and spry'- fuck you) when I've tried to pursue it, also being on it ISN'T a cake walk.. the restrictions. The WORK you have to do (and the work you can't do!! I'm right in the middle and technically can work too much for disability, but not enough for getting by on my own). The shit you have to go through... My own therapist told me some programs I could pursue would put me further behind where I am and I could possibly never get out... And she was the one that pushed me to get foodstamps, so it's not like she thinks they're hooey...

My dad thinks me working 3 days a week and refusing to do more lest I break down all the time is just.. lazy.. unfortunate... Stupid. He wants me to take all these homeowners and car buying and loan classes... Like I'm EVER going to be able to afford a single one of those things.. or think it's a good idea to throw down $25-$150 a pop for a class, let alone spend 8 hours taking one (I'd love to and think they're amazing things, but uh...)... Like somehow it'll 'convince' me to 'work harder'.

DUDE.

What.

The.

FUCK.

Is WRONG with you?!

I get it... I seriously can't work more days a week. If I do, I completely spiral out of control from the pressure as well as the guilt from spiraling and and.. you get the idea. I just do. I know I do. And I found my balance in 3 days on.

It's pretty easy to think 4 days off are, well.. 4 days off. 4 days to play. 4 days of freedom. But... I make things... I've made two blankets already. One more I'm working on.. usually AT work because I'm so busy. Birthday gifts. Christmas gifts. Holiday gifts. Trying to do commissions too to get more money in. Also.. em... I'm usually awake during the day to.. make appointments because my health is just a mess.. helping the friends that HAVE asked for help... Running errands because I can't at night (partly due to Covid changing everything's hours)... Or if I HAPPEN to get to.. I'm sleeping because I'm on a night schedule.. at night if anyone had need of me I'd be right there!! But guess what, THEY are sleeping. If I actually have a night off (which I haven't in nearly a month now because I CAN go over to my friend who needs help's house at 5 in the morning.. after I drop W0lfie off at work or I'd be there sooner.) I'm DOING things. Wednesday itself happens to be dedicated to FIXING my sleep schedule that I screwed doing everything my sisters need or want me to do during the day... It's up to ME to screw MY sleep so THEY can get or have what they need/want... Never mind they refuse (with legitimate reasons) to do the same for me (though I have legitimate reasons I could say no as well, but ooooh I'm the 'bad guy').

*rubs face* I'm so busy my mind and body is screaming at me in pain. Sooo lazy 🙄

But yet I'm shit because I refuse to work more.

Idk what it is, okay? I. Don't. Know. Maybe it's the fact that I'm Autistic and something overloads that hasn't been address like ever and so has only gotten worse (this is my guess), or the PTSD is doing something (my therapist's guess--- which not to derail but WHO ELSE IS IN THERAPY IN MY FAMILY?! you want to guess? That's right, NO ONE... No one is even TRYING to deal with theirs, and I don't just mean the pandemic. Big sister had it as bad, if not worse than I did. Refuses. Dad and step mom knows they do. Little sister scared. Little bro disinterested. 'There's no time' or 'costs too much' despite several having free sessions available to them via their job and Heath insurance- with multiple options- and everyone but little sister making more than they ever have in their lives on top of relying on others to pay any bills they can't keep up on... GRR).. or something else that just makes me become such a wreck. I hate it more than anyone else, you know.. because I have to live with it AND everyone telling me how lazy and lucky and entitled and how 'much' I am.

...

And you want to know what sparked all of this?

Tevs worked a 12+ hour day that ended up having me woken up by the cats that hadn't been fed.

Let me explain... Tevs and I got into it badly after I was continually deprived of sleep because she was working so much and blaming me for 'making' her deal with stuff at home I didn't even know were problems. She continued to explode and explode and treat W0lfie and I TERRIBLY after work as well AND continually told our other friends and family she so desperately needed a vacation and LESS work, and just kept pulling 10, 11, 13 hour days she didn't have to... All while not eating or drinking or having bathroom breaks... and I was DONE with it. I have and had offered to do more, just need to be directed on what needs to be done that I can do while they're asleep (duh) so she had no leg to stand on there... With the rest... She promised to not work more than 10 hour shifts (agreed upon because I have a 10hr shift at work with no breaks too) AND to either let us know in advance if she was going to be late so I could feed the cats, or have someone do SOMETHING to get the cats fed so they weren't deliberately jumping on me to wake me up... You know.. communicate a little more. Do a little better so she wasn't killing herself working. She promised.

Well..

Apparently (new information to me) a promise and Tevs giving her word.. are two different things. Promises don't matter. Giving her word had weight.

What. The. Fuck.

So MY getting upset this last week that not only was she working more than 10 hours... Not only did she not tell anyone about it.. not only did the cats come to wake me up (after I had FINALLY fallen asleep a short while before due to just how BUSY I was that day, and it was Wednesday 😭)... But she also REFUSED to speak to ANYONE and tell her where she was/that she was safe- completely and deliberately ghosting everyone... Until she showed up at my dad's house 12+ hours after the start of her shift in which she didn't eat, didn't drink, and didn't use the bathroom for the entirely duration..

...

I was told to back off. That my upset was unfounded. That I was just like our horrible mother and I was just trying to control her life.

Does that sound right to you?

It does to my dad. I would wager my step mom. All of their friends. And of course Tevs.

Nevermind that W0lfie was just as freaked out and upset... That she actually has a front row seat as to what I go through now/how hard I try to be kind and careful and respectful and relaxed and NOT controlling and finally gets it... And that she's now directly effected by all of it too... And agrees this is MESSED UP as hell...

No.

I'm shit. I need to work more. I need to move out and be on my own. I need to not rely on anyone. I am 'too much'.

Where did it all go wrong?

I now understand exactly why I felt and still do feel unloved. It's because of this stuff... I got smacked and told I was never alone or on my own.. that I had so much support and help... but.. well.. yes I was. My mind and abilities and more belittled or looked over in favor of others to bring up. Everyone is guilty of doing this to me in my family. I won't go into details because it's a lot. Many times.. many bad ones... Often I was told my reality wasn't the truth too. How is that supportive? I appreciate every bit they have ever done for me, but trying to point out where they fell (just like all people do).. I'm suddenly the most ungrateful thing ever.

My own parents rely on each other AND a third party (their son) to pay the bills... My dad's siblings both live with his parents... My step mom's family members live with each other and rely on one another to get bills paid.... Not a single one is forced or really suggested to go room with randos if they can't do it on their own. It was brought up to W0lfie that it's an option for her this last week... But guess fucking what she got that I didn't AS WELL as that.. "We'll always have a place for you here."

I did get that when I was younger and nearly kicked out for refusing to tell my mother I was Trans. I eventually caved, but, HA they didn't believe me. That mess was sorted out.. messily and I got to stay... Lucky me... Not to mention the fact that only NOW I might finally be able to just accept it and not closet myself for the sake of everyone else because I'm THAT done.. yay therapy. I'll accept being non-binary because I can never actually be a man the way anyone around me will ever accept or believe.. but I'm not accepting 'being a woman'. Screw you peeps XP

...

I don't get that kind of support because I'm their eyes.. I'm too much. Should be able to do it on my own. Too lazy. Too awful as Tevs has managed to paint by completely omitting important details.. I can't say things in a few words. I just can't. Because this is exactly what happens... But regardless.. that's all she ever shares. Just enough I'm a monster. I'm sick and tired of it.

Reminds me...

My dad and mom and the rest of our family would never get birthday gifts or holiday cards or anything if I wasn't around. Same with our siblings. I remember. I make. I remind. I push. But... They don't even know about that. About what I try to do for them that gets twisted to look like it's all Tev's doing because I often can't make it to deliver it myself... And when I do idk.. I guess I do it wrong or something because it's so... Blah of a response.. like they think I'm NOT responsible for it and just taking credit... That hurts. A LOT.

...

I'm going to try. One more time. Once more. With Tevs. Give her one more chance to make and keep her word. To not bulldoze and make excuses and talk me up like some sort of unreasonable monster if/when she doesn't... And one more chance for my parents to hear me out. Get the full story. Get my feelings and experiences in return. On Monday I might have a chance to lay it all out. Maybe. I want to try. And if I get the same treatment.. well.. I think they might just be cut out of my life if I finally make it out on my own like they want. (Hopefully something income based will open up for me.. hopefully... I'm considering looking into a different city altogether to well and truly get away from them.. but that would depend on getting a job too.. bluh)

Ah that's a another thing too though.. the thing is.. I CAN work. I CAN pull 7 days a week, 16 hour days without spiraling!!! Making. I am a crafter. If making dresses or cosplays or embroidering or making blankets or trinkets or... If I was able to do THAT.. I could work and work and work no problem... Maybe even drawing..

But with the stress of this job and my other obligations, I can barely touch those things to even get started... Stick in the rut.. and materials are so expensive if I need anything extra I hit a roadblock... Totally locked in... And it breaks my heart...

I'm not lazy... I'm in the wrong job 😞

#personal #random #life in general #stress #life #long #rant

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yamayamawrites · 4 years

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Any ship, you say? How about Chlogami or Felix/Chloe from ML?

Chlogami sounds interesting; I’ve never heard that one before! I assume your request is based on the “Accidental Confessions” post I made earlier this week, so I wrote a prompt about that! I’m sorry if you meant for me to post based on something else!

Also, before I continue, I haven’t seen S3 of Miraculous yet (I know, I know, I really need to get on it), so I wrote this based on my knowledge of the characters from the end of S2! I really hope you enjoy, and again, sorry for any misunderstandings/my lack of current Miraculous knowledge!

Kagami couldn’t quite tell what it was, exactly, about Chloe that seemed so revolting and yet so passionate. She watched the way Chloe interacted with people: demanding, cold, and downright ruthless sometimes. She often wondered how many of their classmates could bear to be around her; and then there were moments like this, where Chloe’s stubbornness did weird things to her. Here Chloe stood, outside her home, with a shiny, bedazzled fencing sword idly tucked by her side.

“You want me…to teach you?” Kagami asked.

“Well, Adri-kins said that I should try it, but he’s much too busy and I really want to impress him by knowing it all right from the start…” Chloe rubbed her neck. Her confidence dwindled in the presence of Kagami, and for some reason that amused the dark-haired girl.

What could the harm possibly be?

“My daddy is willing to pay you!” Chloe added for good measure, though Kagami’s mind was already made up. Laughter bubbled from Kagami’s throat and she grabbed the girl by the wrist, receiving a “hey!” of protest. She pulled Chloe into the apartment and slammed the door, then immediately went to work pushing their living room furniture out of the way to practice.

“I don’t want your money,” Kagami said finally. Her gaze settled back on Chloe. “I want to teach you the art of fencing. It might do your prissy attitude some good.”

“I most certainly do not have a prissy attitude!” Chloe stomped her foot for good measure. Kagami laughed again and waved her hand.

“I admire your drive, Chloe. You’re going to need to really want this, though, otherwise you’ll end up giving up after one lesson.”

Chloe braced herself with her bedazzled sword in hand. “I really want this. Please, teach me!”

Their first practice went so comically bad that Kagami honestly expected Chloe to never return. Chloe hadn’t gotten a single hit on Kagami, which was exactly what Kagami imagined would happen. In fact, Chloe had worked herself up so much about not being good at something on the first try that she had broken into a sweat – probably for the first time in her life, Kagami thought idly with a snicker – and when Chloe stomped out of the apartment later that evening, Kagami assumed that would be the end of it.

But Chloe was back the next afternoon, and the look of determination was set on her face. And she came back every day for a week, always stopping to say “Please teach me!” as if begging. Kagami had to laugh at the way the word ‘please’ stuck to the back of Chloe’s throat, like she was trying to speak through a mouthful of sticky peanut butter. She began to wonder if she was only doing this because Chloe was amusing to watch.

Almost a month after Chloe started visiting Kagami to practice, Kagami remembered why she was doing this in the first place. After finishing up for the day, while the two moved furniture back into place, Kagami brought it up. “Hey, about you wanting to play Adrien…you’re getting pretty good. Have you asked him about it again?”

“Oh, hah, no…” Chloe admitted with a sheepish grin, and – maybe a blush? “I want to get really, really good. Like, your level good!”

“You sure are determined,” Kagami noted with a whistle. “Hate to break it to you, though, but this skill took me about a decade. I’ve been fencing since elementary school.”

Chloe groaned and threw her hands to her face. “I don’t have that kind of time!” she whined. “Maybe I should just give up…”

“Hey,” Kagami suddenly felt a pang of annoyance (and maybe sadness) at the thought of their fencing sessions ending, “you’ve improved a lot quicker than most people. You’ll probably be good enough to at least hold your own against Adrien in—um, maybe a few years?”

Chloe groaned again and threw herself onto the couch they just finished moving back into place. “But that’s so long!”

“That’s what it takes to be skilled at something,” Kagami replied thoughtfully, sitting down next to her. “And you can’t be skilled at something if you don’t have a strong enough will to do it. So, why do you?”

“Why do I what?”

“Why do you want to get better at fencing?”

Chloe stopped to ponder this for a minute. In all honesty, Kagami pushed her so hard in practice that she had been certain after the first few days she wouldn’t return…but here she was, with Kagami’s imploring eyes on her, expecting an answer. “I…don’t know,” Chloe mumbled finally.

“There’s the problem,” Kagami stated matter-of-factly. “Once you figure that out, you’ll either find that you don’t want to keep doing it, or you want to push yourself to keep doing it.”

“Well, why do you do it?”

Kagami supposed this might be the first time Chloe showed any sort of concern for her home life, and for some reason that made her blush. “Well, my family has a legacy, and I want to uphold it.”

“How noble,” Chloe teased, but it wasn’t the way Chloe teased the kids at school. She wore a smile – not a sly grin, but an actual smile, and she nudged at Kagami’s arm gently. “Well, I should get going for today. I’ll see you back here tomorrow?”

“Same time, same place,” Kagami agreed, and she walked Chloe to the door.

After summer vacation began, Chloe started coming over sooner and staying later. They didn’t fence the whole time, by any means – in fact, their training became a bit more relaxed as Chloe embraced her sporadic superhero status as Queen Bee. But she also improved a lot quicker, and when the girls did practice fencing, it usually ended with the house a mess as their fencing match traveled from room to room.

Kagami threw herself over her bed in her bedroom, closely followed by Chloe, who laughed despite her heavy breathing from the amount of physical activity they were doing. She had the sword trained on Kagami, and had Kagami been just half a second late on her reaction, she would have gotten hit. She dove at the last second as Chloe jabbed a potted plant and knocked it off Kagami’s shelf. It unceremoniously shattered as the girls continued their match back into the living room.

It ended with Chloe finally getting the better of Kagami as Kagami tried to vault herself over the couch and her foot caught on a throw blanket on the edge. Kagami fell on the ground, laughing and panting, and Chloe slumped down next to her, laughing all the same.

Chloe stared up at the ceiling, realizing this was why she continued fencing. Not because she enjoyed fencing, but because she enjoyed Kagami’s company.

“I enjoy your company too, Chloe,” Kagami said through soft breaths.

“Did I say that out loud?!” Chloe flushed with embarrassment.

“Well, I heard it, so either that or I read your mind.”

The practice matches continued all the way through summer vacation, and Kagami and Chloe found themselves taking days off more and more frequently to go see a movie together or get ice cream together. Each time Kagami mentioned Chloe’s fated fencing match with Adrien, she blushed and changed the topic, which only made Kagami prod more.

“Seriously, did you two get together or something?” Kagami asked over takeout one day, her cheeks heating up with some sort of anger at the idea of Chloe getting with Adrien.

“No! No, it’s not like that,” Chloe stammered. “I haven’t even really talked to him. He’s been busy with tutors all summer.”

Kagami sighed. “I don’t mean to get so upset about it,” she said finally, barely audible. “I just…”

“What?”

“You’re my partner,” Kagami said finally, her face burning. “I don’t want to lose you to—to Adrien.”

Chloe laughed. “Well, that won’t be a problem. I’m not in love with Adrien.”

Both of them stopped, watching each other with flushed cheeks. Kagami’s mouth hung open in surprise. Finally Chloe hung her head. “Uh…I said that out loud, didn’t I.”

“Yep.”

“Please don’t kick me out or something!” Chloe set the takeout down and held her hands up, as if in surrender. Kagami laughed, and the glare Chloe sent her probably indicated that it wasn’t the time for laughing.

“I’m not going to kick you out. I actually…think I might be, too.”

“U-um…huh?”

“Well I don’t know!” Kagami also held her hands up in surrender. “You said it first! Plus you look super cute in fencing gear!”

The awkwardness slowly melted away as giggles bubbled between the girls, slowly rising into full-on laughter. It eventually dawned on the two that they might have been “dating”, more or less, anyway; considering how much time they spent together and how many times they’d hung out in ways that could have been construed as “dates”, they found that actually dating was very similar to their established relationship.

They continued to fence, albeit not as seriously; now that Kagami knew Chloe was only training to be close to her, they tended to lean more towards fun than seriousness. Lots of the time their fencing sessions ended with the two of them in a heap on the floor, laughing and enjoying each other’s closeness and relishing in the newness of having someone to be close to. Chloe still came over nearly every day, and on days she didn’t Kagami would come visit her. Chloe still was the stubborn, cold person Kagami first observed when they were at school, but around Kagami, she had become something of a ray of sunshine.

That’s not to say she was the nicest person on the planet, because Kagami still caught Chloe sometimes trying to demand her to do things—but luckily, their stubbornness was a common trait and Kagami wasn’t scared to stand up to her new girlfriend.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous #chloe bourgeois #kagami #chlogami

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bugaboosandbees · 5 years

Text

Reine Ruse Part 1

Okie Dokie everybody. Here’s the first part of the written out Reine Ruse AU. I’m sorry that it took so long, but I still get really nervous about posting my writing so I ended up putting it off a bit.

I do want to clarify that the way Marinette views herself at the beginning of this does not reflect the way that I view her. I know that the show forces her to apologize for almost everything even when it’s not her fault, so I’ve tried to reflect that mentality at the start of this by having her have this attitude.

I would also like to say that I’m sorry if this seems rushed or that it could be better. The fact of the matter is that I’m really nervous to post this, so I decided to just get the first part up when I was too sleepy to second guess myself... As a result, this hasn’t been betaed or edited, so I’m sorry for any errors that you might find.

That’ s enough rambling from me! Without further ado, the first installment of my Reine Ruse AU. Please let me know how I’m doing and if you’d like to see more!

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Marinette

It had happened again. She’d arrived at school late, in a mad rush. She hadn’t been able to find her sketchbook that morning, but she knew that she’d taken it with her the previous day. She’d been working non-stop for the past three weeks on a new set of designs -- there was going to be another design competition at the collegé, conceptual designs this time rather than physical prototypes and the prize was a coveted junior internship at Agreste Fashions. It was everything she’d ever dreamed of and she’d poured her heart and soul into the designs she was going to submit.

She hadn’t let the book out of her sight for the past few weeks except for the previous day when she’d needed to run across the building to pick up some documents for Miss. Bustier for her class representative duties -- documents that hadn’t even been there. She should have known that something was wrong, but between being Ladybug and the competition she hadn’t slept in two days and she was so tired. Given how things had been since Lila returned to school, it shouldn’t have surprised her to arrive to the sound of her classmates loudly congratulating the transfer student about her victory in the design competition and it really shouldn’t have surprised her to see her design book in Lila’s hands.

After that, her memory blurred. She’d been so angry and distraught and tired, and she had tried to explain, but no one had listened, berating her again for her jealousy and her hatred and she just couldn’t do it anymore. She’d run away, but as she left she saw Chloe Bourgeois, newly returned from a trip to New York with her mother, scoff and glare at Lila, speaking up to draw attention away from Marinette. She hadn’t even gone home -- she’d just shrugged off Tikki’s attempts to console her and transformed into Ladybug, spending the day running across the rooftops and saving kittens from trees and smiling even though her heart was breaking and she wasn’t sure if she’d ever be able to put it back together again.

Before she knew it night had fallen. She didn’t want to go home -- not yet. There would be questions about why she’d run from school and her parents were so busy and she didn’t deserve to trouble them with her problems -- they worked so hard and they deserved a better daughter… She looked up from her musings as she felt the first raindrops of a storm on her face as the clouds broke open. She needed to get inside, the last thing Tikki deserved was to get sick when she already had to deal with a Ladybug that had so many problems.

She took stock of where she was with surprise. The last thing that Marinette Dupain-Cheng would have expected when she woke up that morning was to be standing on the balcony of the girl who’d bullied her for years, wrapped in Tikki’s comfortable magic and shaking, tears still streaming down her face. She didn’t know why her feet had led her to the Grand Paris of all places, but her mind kept stubbornly replaying those few moments when Chloe scoffed and actually questioned Lila.

Besides, she desperately needed to talk to someone. Her parents were so incredibly busy and she didn’t want to trouble them. Chat had been growing increasingly pushy since Frozer and, although she wanted to believe in the best in her partner, she was afraid he’d feel like she owed him something if she went to him for help. Tikki was wonderfully understanding, but she was an immortal god and despite all her years of experience there were some things she just couldn’t understand. Normally she’d talk to Alya, but… No. The fact was that she didn’t really have anyone to talk to or anywhere else to go. Making up her mind, she raised a red and black spotted hand and hesitantly knocked on the glass doors.

_____________________________________________________________________

Chloe

The last thing Chloe Bourgeois would have expected when she woke up that morning was for Ladybug to knock on her balcony door in the middle of the night. Nonetheless, she was nothing if not adaptable, especially for her idol. She adjusted her silk pajama robe and ran for the door to let Ladybug in.

“Ladybug! It’s so good to see you? Is there an akuma? Do you need my help? Did you stop by to say hello to your favorite civili---” Chloe cut herself off. The darkness had prevented her from noticing it, but the light that spilled out of her suite made it abundantly clear -- Ladybug was crying.

“Can I come in?” the heroine’s voice was unusually small.

Wordlessly Chole moved out of the way. Ladybug took short, sad steps past her, pausing listlessly when she reached the middle of the room.

Oh god, what was she supposed to do?! As far as Chloe knew, there was no established protocol for dealing with crying superheroes bursting in on one in one’s pajamas. And that didn’t even touch the fact that Ladybug’s eyes were so much more blue this close and Chloe was in her very short and very thin pajamas. She shook her head. It was apparent that Ladybug needed her, and if Queen Bee couldn’t help, then Chloe Bourgeois would have to do. She hesitantly walked over to Ladybug.

“Do you want to talk about it?” The words were uncharacteristically quiet and soft. Chloe rifled through her memories, desperately trying to remember how Adrien’s mother had consoled her after so many tears in her childhood. It hurt, to think back to then, but if anyone was worth it, Ladybug was. Ladybug believed in her when no one else did and she’d never admit just how good that made her feel inside.

Ladybug turned towards her, tears still leaking out of her large, bluebell eyes. Without warning, she shot forward and wrapped her arms tightly around Chloe, breaking into incoherent sobs. It felt like forever before the spotted heroine stopped shaking like a leaf, tears drying to sniffles. Chloe awkwardly kept rubbing circles onto her back the whole time, hugging Ladybug as best as she could even as her mind whirled at a hundred miles an hour. What in the ever-loving-fuck was happening? Who could have made Ladybug so upset? It was a good thing she didn’t have her miraculous or she’d venom whatever bastard did this to her… Then again, she could probably still claw someone’s eyes out outside of the suit as well… No, Ladybug needed a shoulder to cry on, not a homicidal sometimes-superhero on the warpath.

Chloe took a deep breath in and maneuvered them so that they were sitting down on one of the plush sofas in her suite. She moved to extricate herself from Ladybug and dammit if the way she tried to cling to Chloe with a small whimper didn’t give her feelings.

She awkwardly cleared her throat. “You need to stay hydrated. You’ve been -- I’m going to call for some refreshments. Did you want anything in particular?”

Ladybug wiped her eyes on the back of a spotted glove. “Cookies, if you have them,” she said quietly. “I’ve been out for hours, I need to recharge.”

Chloe nodded, not quite thinking of the magnitude of that statement and picked up the phone at the side of her bed. She didn’t even wait for whoever was on the other end to say hello. “Yes, I need a mug of warm milk and a plate of cookies as quickly as possible. Understood?” She hung up as soon as it was clear that someone had heard her and went back over to Ladybug. “It should be here in a few minutes.”

Ladybug nodded silently.

Chloe sighed and braced herself. Clearly, Ladybug needed someone to talk to and for some unknown reason, she’d come to her of all people, so she was going to have to do her best. This really wasn’t her strong suit. “Alright,” she said briskly, breaking the silence. “As many lovely qualities as I have, I have to admit that I’m wondering why you came here tonight. Clearly, you’re upset. Why not talk to that mangy alley cat about it? Or a friend from the other side of the mask? As much as it pains me to admit, I haven’t been… the best person in the past. It seems like there’s someone out there who could give you a hell of a lot better advice about whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

Chloe didn’t miss the way Ladybug flinched, first when she brought up Chat Noir and then civilian friends. Oh, something was definitely going on and somebody was sooooo going to pay for this.

Ladybug twisted her hands together. “I…. I can’t,” she said. “I… I don’t think I have any friends outside of the suit anymore.”

“What happened?” Chloe questioned, trying to make her voice as quiet and reassuring as possible. It felt like squeezing into a too-small shirt, but it must have worked because Ladybug continued.

“They betrayed me.” Her voice broke. “Rena Rouge, Carapace, I knew them both as civilians… I trusted them with the miraculous because they were my best friends. But they took the word of someone they barely know over me and they hate me.” She paused. “They were all I had. Before this year, I didn’t have any friends at all. They were my very first.” A watery smile broke over her face and vanished. “I tried so hard to be a good friend -- I didn’t want them to leave me alone again. I was just trying to protect them from being deceived and manipulated… Oh god, it hurts. It hurts so much.”

Fat tears rolled down Ladybug’s cheeks and Chloe’s heart about broke in her chest. If there was one thing that she understood so very well… She scooted closer to Ladybug and wrapped the heroine in as tight a hug as she could manage. She could feel as the shoulder of her robe was dampened by Ladybug’s tears.

“I’m ---- I’m so sorry,” she said. “You shouldn’t have had to go through that.” The emotion was getting too thick in her voice too oh god she could not cry right now keep it together Bourgeois. She took a breath and carried on. “From where I’m standing it sounds like you were a much better friend than they deserved and they didn’t return the favor all that well. I’m not --- I don’t have much experience with things like this. I wish that I knew what I could say to make it better, but I don’t. All I can think of are plans to hit them so hard they’ll fly right out of Paris and not bother you again, but you seem like the kind of person who wouldn’t really be okay with that -- I’m rambling, I’m sorry.”

Ladybug choked off a laugh into Chloe’s shoulder and raised her head. “Thank you, Chloe,” She said with a watery and tentative smile as she wiped the tears off of her face.

Just then a knock sounded on the door to the suite. “Miss Bourgeois? Your refreshments have arrived.” Chloe bustled over and opened the door just wide enough to grab the tray before slamming it in the face of whatever poor soul that had delivered it.

She offered the plate of cookies and the steaming mug of milk to Ladybug. “Here.”

Ladybug set the plate next to her on the couch and wrapped shaking fingers around the mug. “Thank you.”

As she sipped the milk, Chloe’s mind went back to something else she’d said earlier. She didn’t quite know how to bring it up in a way that wouldn’t hurt, but if she was right, she needed to talk to Ladybug about it.

“So… you said that things were pretty tense with your civilian friends. Why aren’t you talking to Chat Noir?”

Ladybug froze, looking down at her lap. “It’s probably silly,” she started and stopped. Chloe didn’t speak, only looking at Ladybug until the heroine continued. “He’s always been so flirty and I think that’s just the way he is, so I try to put up with it. It’s just... lately he’s been... different. When we were fighting Frozer he nearly quit because I wouldn’t return his feelings and ever since Oblivio he’s been acting like it’s a given that we’re going to be in a relationship and he’s getting so pushy and I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he’s been more and more flirty and handsy and I’m worried that the people of Paris will think that we aren’t taking our jobs seriously. I’m worried that if I’m too upfront about turning him down again that he’ll just disappear and we’ll lose to Hawkmoth because of my stupid feelings. He’s making me feel really, really uncomfortable.” She winced as she said the last part.

Chloe’s blood was about boiling in her veins. Being Adrien’s friend had given her a front-row seat to quite a few cases of stalking and sexual harassment. Chat Noir was a superhero, dammit. If Ladybug should have felt safe with anyone, it should be her partner.

Chloe softly rested her hands on Ladybug’s cheeks and held her face up so that she could look her in the eyes. “Listen to me. I know that you want to make excuses for him, but I want you to know that what he is doing to you is wrong. It is harassment and emotional manipulation. He’s holding your sense of responsibility to the city hostage to cater to his own ego and desires and that is not right. God, I don’t know how you can go about fixing that, but I want you to know that you shouldn’t have to put up with that shit ever.”

Ladybug’s eyes were blown wide in shock. “But he --”

“Shh. I want you to really think about how he’s been treating you. It sounds like you care about your friends a lot. What would you do if he’d been behaving this way towards Rena?”

Ladybug was still for a long moment and then let loose a watery chuckle and shook her head. “I’d probably kick his ass.”

Chloe smiled ruefully, “There you go then. Now, you said that you had to recharge. There’s a bathroom just down the hall. Go feed your kwami, I bet she’s worried about you.”

Ladybug nodded and grabbed the plate of cookies, slowly making her way down the hall.

Chloe sagged back into the couch and watched her, rage and sadness at what had happened to Ladybug and quiet awe and relief that she had somehow managed to help, to say the right thing as herself for once. She let her own tears fall and prayed for the first time in years for the strength to be able to continue to help Ladybug and to be somehow able to rescue her heroine as Ladybug had rescued her from herself.

_____________________________________________________________________

To all those who asked to be tagged in this, here you are. Thank you so much for your interest and support. I hope that it lives up to your expectations! (And I’m sorry if I missed anyone!)

@demydreamer-otaku-and-book-lover @anastasian-dreamer @donegonewrong @twinkletoes-rp

#reine ruse #reine ruse au #Fox!chloe #chloe bourgeois #marinette dupain cheng #chloenette #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug au #ml salt

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