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inabottlelikelightning · 3 years

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a note

hey guys and gals and non-binary pals ❤️

i was grappling w my conscience for Some Time Now on whether to make this post, but honestly, i’m exhausted and enough is enough. i was hoping to maybe just have a private conversation about this and come away as better people, but i don’t think that’s going to happen in this instance.

UPDATE: since i drafted this post, i contacted the writer, falling-for-boys! I showed her the screenshots, and she absolutely denies that anything she wrote is similar to stuff i wrote. she truly doesn’t see the similarities between her work and other peoples’s work. I was, to say the least, completely baffled.

fandom drama is the absolute stupidest drama because we’re all here to have fun! to talk about magic and character development. but i feel like i’m running out of options on how to deal with this.

it started in january, when a new writer showed up on the scene. i read one of their works, and a passage in there looked sort of familiar. the left is a paragraph from “look at the wonderful mess we made.” the right is a paragraph from a coffee shop au, published months later.

obviously, people take subconscious inspiration from things all the time. and coincidences exist. maybe it just seemed similar to me because i wrote it. basically, i dismissed it completely, until more works started to come out by the same writer and they looked more and more familiar.

the top picture is a scene from “you only feel one emotion”, a story that’s really close to my heart. it hit me like a truck to see the bottom excerpt as a summary on somebody else’s fic.

and then. it kept happening!

this one was exceptionally interesting because it was written just a month or 2 after mine was. and this is where i started to suspect that this may be more deliberate than i had predicted. both of these stories had “1/3” listed as the chapter count, the scenes were incredibly similar. both of these are works gifted to @attempted--eloquence on ao3, if you’re interested in reading the full works.

perhaps my worst grievance was that falling-for-boys took a part of “you only feel one emotion” that i poured my HEART into, like it was nothing. here’s mine. if you’ve read it, you probably remember the scene.

the infamous yofoe homelessness scene! ft a rare argent pov! now imagine my shock when i see the same scene, similar lines, in the same pov

to falling-for-boys: i didn’t want to do it like this, as a public post. but it’s been almost a year since this started and it’s come to my attention that you’ve been trying to turn people against me, which is super unfortunate. i really did enjoy the originals you put out

i don’t know whether you took inspiration accidentally, or if this was malicious. some of these excerpts were things i found, others were things that people brought to my attention when they noticed similarities. and other people actually have noticed their work being mimicked as well. i’m not going to speak for them, because that’s not my place, but fandom is supposed to be a place where we can build off of each other to our heart’s content! all anyone asks for is credit! there’s even an ao3 field for “inspired by” and it makes writers feel so seen as opposed to copying some of their scenes and taking credit for it.

and to everyone else: it’s always super discouraging when stuff like this happens. people put their own personal time and effort and heart into writing. it’s important to keep that in mind.

anyways, talking to someone and trying to be honest, only to be responded to with “sorry for your distress, but i don’t think i did anything wrong” is never fun. but it’s okay, these things happen, i think. feel free to formulate your own opinion on the situation. maybe you’ll agree with me, maybe you won’t. it’s all good, the receipts are in your hands now. at least some of them. there are more fics, more writers. lots of people with the same grievance with the same writer, but it’s completely their choice whether they want to speak up or not.

that being said, i think i’m going to take a break from posting my writing for some time. at least for thiam. it’s no one’s fault specifically, just a sour taste in my mouth that’s been building up from fandom toxicity.

thanks so much for all the love and support, i’ve met so many fantastic people here! love y’all to the moon and back, i’ve learned so much from each and every one of you, and had the time of my life moonlighting as a writer :)

don’t be a stranger! i’d miss y’all too much ❤️

-lightning

(this isn’t a goodbye. not if i have anything to say bout it.)

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empyreanwritings · 4 years

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Just a Little Complicated

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (Florist AU)

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: mentions of losing a parent

A/N: Y’all, I actually managed to write a one shot, are you proud of me? Please be proud of me LOL! This is written for @marquiswrites 100 followers challenge! I am super duper late, and for that I really am sorry. You probably have already reached another milestone by the time I’ve posted this. But yeah, go give them a follow cause they deserve it!

Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated (: x

Sweat stuck to the back of Steve's shirt. He cursed himself for not getting a car already, but he didn't anticipate the southern heat being so brutal. The last thing he wanted was to go into places covered in sweat and ask for a job, but he had no choice. He couldn't afford to live off what the government deemed enough for a veteran to live on; he wasn't going to go off on that tangent, but it really was ridiculous. He almost gave his life for a country, and they acted like enough money to survive comfortably was a nuisance.

Many places gave him the same response when he asked if they were hiring: "Thank you for your service, but we just don't have an open spot!" Some of the managers hid their disdain for his lack of perfect hygiene. Not all of them, though. He could see the judgement in their eyes when he came in sweaty with a service dog in tow.

He was more than capable of handling any job, but he couldn't stop others from having their judgement. He was used to it back in the city.

But he refused to make a fuss about it here.

The last place he tried for the day was a small flower shop on the corner of the street. The entire shop window was filled with flowers of every color, and the windowsill was painted mint green. It contrasted greatly against the brick exterior, but Steve liked the way it looked; it had a quirky charm that many of the snooty "antique" shops didn't have.

And when he saw the bright yellow door with the name "Mama June's" written above it, he was sold.

Organization didn't exist in the shop, that was apparent the moment he stepped into it. Flowers, vases, and ribbons were scattered in groups throughout the different counters and containers. It reminded him of a wildflower field - chaotic yet oddly appealing.

An elderly woman rounded the corner, dirt covering her hands and arms. She let out a small 'Oh!' when she saw Steve before brushing her hands against her apron and offering one to him.

"You're not my daily lunch delivery!" She chuckled. "I'm June. Haven't seen you around these parts before - stayin' or passin' through?"

"Staying, hopefully." His smile made her smile in return, and the corners of her eyes wrinkled in the endearing way Steve always loved seeing in his own grandmother. "Steve Rogers, ma'am. It's nice to meet you."

She swatted his arm gently. "Don't you ma'am me, mister! I ain't that old yet!"

June - or Mama June, as she liked to be called - a whole foot shorter than Steve, but she acted like she was the tallest person in the room. Her round face showed her age in the way she wrinkled by her eyes and the corners of her mouth. Steve remembered something his mom used to say, "I don't get why women want to hide their laugh lines! It shows they lived a happy life!" And June clearly felt the same way.

She filled up a water bowl for Dodger and placed it down by his feet, which Steve quickly thanked her for. The poor boy wasn't used to this level of heat either.

"What can I do for ya?"

"I was hoping to see if you were hiring, ma-" She shot him a look that warned him not to finish his word, and he cleared his throat. "Mama June."

"Mhm, that's what I thought you were going to say," she hummed. "You ever work for a florist before?"

He shook his head, already preparing himself for the rejection. The closest he ever got to be a florist was helping pick out the flowers for his mother's funeral. It wasn't exactly his favorite memory.

"Well," she pretended to look around the empty shop and let out a dramatic sigh, "As you can see, we're pretty busy! I don't need much help up front, but I could use the help on delivery days. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday - that work?"

"Anything works for me. Thank you." He wanted to hug the woman for giving him a chance, but she would have probably kneed him. She was feisty.

The bells on the front door clanged as someone walked in, pulling their attention away from each other. June was just about the greet the new guest, but she was already being interrupted.

"Mama, you know you are supposed to be watching your cholesterol!" You scolded June as you set down a take-out container on the front counter. "My mother would turn over in her grave if she knew I was letting you eat the diner's burgers."

You sighed when June waved your comment off, and Steve let out a chuckle. The two of you must have known each other for a long time. The way you moved around the shop made it seem like you knew the layout like the back of your hand.

"And who is this?" Your eyes turned towards Steve, and he wasn't sure how to breathe when he noticed how they sparkled. Despite sweat and the grease stains on your diner dress, you were easily the most beautiful woman he'd ever met. And it wasn't until your eyebrows practically raised to your hairline that he realized he was too busy staring to introduce himself.

"This is my new helper!" June replied for him. "Steve's gonna help me around here on delivery days."

You gasped in mock surprise. "You're actually letting someone help you? Has Hell frozen over?"

"Stop it. I'm never to turn away someone in need, and my back has been actin' up." You whipped around, but June held her hand up. "Don't give me that look! I'm fine! I just can't be liftin' boxes the way I used to."

You shook your head, strands of your hair falling out of your bun. Concern was written all over your face. Steve couldn't help but wonder if you knew something about June that no one else did. Maybe she was sick, or just had poor health in general. Either way, he knew he was going to have to look out for the old woman when you weren't around.

You chewed on your bottom lip and finally turned back towards Steve after a beat.

"You take care of her," you said with a hint of warning in your tone. "I bring lunch every day at noon, so feel free to give a call before then to give me your order."

Steve smiled and nodded. "Thank you."

He was partially embarrassed 'Thank you' was the only thing he managed to say in your presence. Time overseas hadn't done much to help his charm when it came to women. Not that he would have instantly started flirting with you - he had manners - but still. He would have liked to appear smoother.

You left the shop almost as quickly as you entered it. June let out a laugh when she realized Steve had been staring at the door for a solid minute after you walked out. He wasn't discreet at all.

"I'll see you Wednesday, Steve," she nudged his side with her elbow, "Unless I see you at the diner before then!"

Her comment made her burst into another fit of laughter, and she grabbed her meal and headed towards the back before he could defend himself. He looked down at Dodger and shook his head. At least he didn't know how obvious his owner was.

Steve settled into working with June easily after that day. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, he'd be there at six in the morning to unload the boxes from the delivery truck. It was a lot more work than he expected it to be, but he enjoyed it. He loved being able to stay busy and feel like someone needed him.

Working in the morning gave him enough time to avoid the southern heat that always came by ten. He was thankful to have the cool AC to unpack the boxes in because he wasn't sure he'd make it the first week if June made him unpack them all outside. He'd probably end up worse than an ice cream cone melted on the sidewalk - and he had seen a few of those in the few weeks he worked.

But the best part about working had been you.

Every day you came in at noon, not a minute before or after. June said you had a thing about always being on time, and you never explained why. She had her theories about how you missed saying goodbye to your mom because you were late, but you refused to confirm whether that was true or not. And Steve didn't know you well enough to ask.

Throughout the weeks, though, he spent as much time as he could getting to know you. Some days were tougher than others; you didn't always like answering the questions he wanted to ask you, but other days, you were generous.

He learned the basics: your favorite color, the one movie that made you cry even after you've watched it several times, and what kind of toppings you liked on your pizza. And you liked asking him the deeper questions. What made him join the army? If he could go anywhere in the world, where would he go? Why did he prefer New York style pizza over deep dish?

The deep-dish debate lasted for an hour, and you only stopped arguing because your lunch break was over.

"I'll learn to forgive your poor taste in pizza if you tell me what your favorite flower is," he said one day when you didn't have to rush back to the diner.

You shrugged your shoulders and pretended like telling him your favorite flower was the worst thing he could ever make you do. "Aren't you the flower man now? I know June's been giving you some of her tips in flower arranging magic! You should be able to figure out what kind of flower I like the most."

It was a challenge, he realized later on. You could have told him what your favorite flower was and never thought about it again, but you wanted to test him. You wanted to see if he actually paid attention to the things you told him during your one-hour visits. Of course, Oblivious Steve had to be told by June that was what you were doing.

He made it his mission to make sure you left with one flower whenever he worked after that.

You'd come in with the styrofoam takeout containers, and he would wait for you by the front counter with a single flower in his hand. Every day he worked.

The first time he did it, you crinkled your nose at the sight of the single red rose.

"Roses are apology flowers," you tutted. "Are you trying to say you've cheated on me before we've even gone on a date, Rogers?"

The tips of his ears turned bright red in the moment, and it was something you and June laughed about for the rest of the week. You knew exactly what you were doing to him, but you didn't plan on stopping any time.

You were actually curious how long he'd hold out just to find what kind of flower you loved.

Most guys would have given up by the second try; you wondered if Steve Rogers was going to be like most guys.

But even after you rejected the lilies and chrysanthemums and sunflowers, he still kept trying. He reminded you, in the most teasing way possible, he worked with a florist and had an endless supply of different flowers. He swore he'd find the one to make you swoon eventually.

When June came to you one morning and asked you to be nice to the man, you playfully rolled your eyes and reminded her that no good love story started out easy. You hadn't realized the words left your lips until June's eyes started to sparkle and she gave you the secret smile that reminded you of your mother. Steve Rogers made you think about love - something you hadn't thought about since your mother passed away.

Hell really must have frozen over then.

The next day Steve worked, after your conversation with June, your heart sunk when you realized there wasn't a flower in his hand. His focus was on an inventory sheet, which was a part of his job, but you expected him to take a break for his usual time with you. You thought that maybe he grew tired of trying to woo you.

Maybe it was too difficult.

Maybe you were too difficult.

But then he held his hands out and told you to wait in your spot, and you couldn't stop the grin from spreading across your face when he pulled a white box from behind the counter. It was small, probably didn't hold more than the bud of a flower or several flowers. And it had a black ribbon wrapped haphazardly around it.

You made a mental note to remind June to teach the poor man how to wrap ribbons around boxes and vases. He may have only unloaded the delivery trucks, but he deserved to learn the basic stuff.

You gasped when you opened the box and saw the Black Dahlia. How he managed to guess was one thing, but how he even managed to get the flower was another. You knew June didn't carry them in her shop because of how rare and expensive they were, which meant he went to a lot of trouble to make sure he had it for this moment. He went through a lot of trouble for you.

"How-"

"Mama June told me a good florist never reveals his secrets," Steve teased.

"You know, these flowers are supposed to represent betrayal and negative emotions. It's why a lot of florists don't like to use them in bouquets; it takes away their magic," you said with a small smile, your focus still on the flower sitting in your hand.

Steve shrugged. "I think there's magic that, don't you? Finding the beauty in the things that people say are bad."

"Are you saying I'm bad, Steve Rogers?" You murmured, not at all taking offense.

"Not bad, darling, just a little complicated."

#marquiswrites100challenge #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x fem!reader #steve rogers au #florist au

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overthemoon4themarauders · 4 years

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“It’s late. You should be asleep”

Sorry, this one’s not my best work because it was a little rushed. But I wanted to post something for y’all. So here’s a bit of Jily for you!

“Arghhhh,” Lily silently groaned. Lily could not for the life of her fall asleep. She was extremely tired, but her body simply did not want to fall asleep. I hate being an insomniac, Lily thought to herself. “Oh well,” she said to herself. “I’ll see if I can make myself tired.” So Lily quietly got changed and left for the nearby park for a long walk.

When she arrived at her nearby park, she noticed she wasn’t alone. There seemed to be a man there sitting on the slide. Lily decided to leave him alone and sit on the opposite side of the playground on the grass.

She sat down and just reminisced about her earlier life. She remembered what her childhood was like before Hogwarts. She remembered being a first year and not having to worry about the war raging on outside of Hogwarts’ walls. She remembered all of the simpler times, and she wished she could go back. Even if it was just for a day.

She was interrupted in her thoughts by the sounds of ragged breathing. Panicked, she looked around and realized that it was the person on the opposite side of the playground. It was dark, but even then she could see that this person just wasn’t okay. She debated whether or not to step in to help, but he could be dangerous. Her compassion won, so she walked over to him.

“Hey, are you okay?” she asked as she walked over.

The person in question seemed to nod. “Yes, I’m alright.” But he sounded anything but. He was hyperventilating and shaking!

Lily frowned. By the sound of his voice, he was about her age. And he was obviously not okay, but he lied directly to her face.

“Hey,” Lily spoke softly as she kneeled down in front of him. She gently put a hand on his shoulder and said, “Breathe. Do it with me.” She cautiously grabbed his hand and placed it on her chest. “Breathe with me. Feel it. Ready? Okay. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.”

They continued this way for a few minutes until his breathing had evened out. “Are you feeling a little better now?” Lily asked him hopefully.

“Yes, I am. Thank you.” He said without looking at her.

Lily didn’t know what else to do, so she started walking away. Before she could get very far, though, he called out.

“Wait,” he said as he scrambled to get up. “Thank you so much for what you did. I normally just pass out after one of my episodes, but you managed to help. Is there anything I can do to repay you?”

Lily knew this voice from somewhere, but she couldn’t place it, and it was too dark outside to see his face. “No, really it’s alright.”

“Please,” he insisted. “I know an ice cream shop not to far from here. And I swear I won’t kidnap you or anything. I’m not crazy like that.” He joked.

Lily chuckled. “Alright. If you say so. And sure. Ice cream sounds delicious.”

In the darkness, they walked in silence. It wasn’t too far away from the park, but it was enough to allow them to talk a bit.

“So, if I may ask, what happened?” Lily asked him.

“I had a panic attack. I have really bad anxiety, and it’s getting worse. I’m working on calming myself down and staying in control, but I was just so fired up that I couldn’t.” He said quietly. He paused, then asked, “So why are you out here at two in the morning?”

“I couldn’t sleep, so I went out for a walk to the park. I just wanted to clear my head for a bit.”

“Clear your head? What’s on your mind. And don’t worry, I won’t say anything. We’ll probably never see each other again, so your secret’s safe with me!” He added cheerfully.

She laughed and then said, “Well, I have a lot going on at home and at school. I also don’t know what I want to do with my life. It’s a huge decision and I don’t want to make the wrong choice.”

“Well, what are you passionate about? What is the first thing that came to mind when I asked that question?”

Lily’s mind immediately jumped to a healer, but she couldn’t say that. This man was probably a muggle. So instead she said doctor.

“Ah, a doc-doctor,” he said, fumbling over the word as if it was foreign to him. “I could have told you as much.”

“What do you mean,” Lily asked confusedly.

“Well, I don’t know anything about you. I don’t even know your name, and you still approached some random guy at the park and helped him calm down when he could have been some crazy psycho trying to lure you into coming closer. You’re compassionate, which is one of the most important qualities for a doc-doctor.”

Lily considered it for a moment. “I guess you’re right. That’s a step in one direction.”

“Well there you go! I would say don’t overthink it, but that would be a bit hypocritical of me.” He said with a chuckle.

Lily understood the joke and smiled softly.

The rest of the way was a very silent trip, but it was a comfortable silence. Lily almost wished that the ice cream shop wasn’t so close. She genuinely enjoyed this guy’s company.

The other person spoke up. “One more turn, and we’re there.” Sure enough after they turned the block, there was a very small ice cream shop hidden between two buildings.

When they had reached the door, he walked ahead and opened the door open for her. However small of a gesture, she appreciated it.

As they walked in a loud voice boomed from behind the counter. “JAMES!” They shook hands across the counter, and only then did Lily realize that the person she was with was none other than James Potter.

She couldn’t hide her shock. “James?”

James quickly turned and didn’t hide his shock either. “Lily?”

“You’re the one I helped?” Lily asked incredulously. “But you’re so…..different. Who are you and what have you done with James Potter?”

“Lily,” he said as if he was in pain. “I’m not the same kid you used to know. I’m so sorry that you only know me as a bully, but I can promise you that I’m not like that anymore.” He paused before adding, “How about we get some ice cream and we talk for a bit?”

Lily was doubtful again, but he really sounded sincere, so she agreed. And she was glad she did Potteer- no, James’s face lit up at that.

“So, now for the most important question. What flavor do you want?”

Lily left with a scoop of cookie dough and a scoop of mint chocolate chip while Lily left with one scoop of vanilla and a scoop of chocolate.

“Want to walk back to the park?” Lily asked.

“Yeah. Let’s go back to the park.”

The walk back to the park was a lot shorter than the walk to the ice cream shop. They arrived and both plopped down onto the grass. Lily had so many questions for James, but she didn’t know how to start. Luckily she didn’t have to.

“You’re quiet.” James observed. “Which means you have something to say. So, ask away.”

Lily was surprised that James knew that she wanted to ask something. She took it as an invitation to speak, so she started with her biggest question. “How long have you had anxiety.”

James winced before answering. “I’ve always had it. It wasn’t so bad when I was younger, but as I got older, it started to get worse. Today was one of my worst days. I just have a lot on my plate. I’m really working on it. Now to prevent a depressing conversation, I have a question for you. There has to be something else that brought you out to the playground in the middle of the night. So spill.”

“Well. I’m just, so worried about the future. My sister hates me, and she’s getting married soon. She’s just going to leave and never come back. And it’s our last year at Hogwarts. When we leave, what do we do? I know we’re all going to separate and get jobs, but there’s a war too. How bad is it going to get? I just have so many burning questions, none of which I have the answers to. I don’t want to just go through the motions of life. I want to make a difference in this world. I just….don’t know how.” She finished lamely.

“Wow. You really know how to get into deep conversations.” He joked.

Lily hit his arm jokingly. “Prat.” James just laughed it off.

“But seriously, if you spend too much time worrying about what might happen, you’re going to stress yourself out. Trust me, I know from experience. Go with what feels right to you. And I know that sounds SO cliche, but it’s the best you can do for yourself. Earlier, I now know you meant healer instead of doctor. If you really wanted to help with the war, you can help with healing those who are fighting in it. I’m sure you would do so much more because you’re Lily fucking Evans, but that’s all I have for now.”

Lily was shocked. She had never seen this side of James. And she loved it. “Wow. You really know how to get into deep conversations,” Lily mocked his earlier statement.

James lightly pushed her. “Oh shove off.” And they both laughed.

For the next 2 hours (though it felt like 30 minutes to them) were spent in similar conversations. They went from their lives to favorite colors and to every other topic they could have possibly reached. Lily was surprised by how easy it was to talk to him. She also felt guilty for only thinking he was a bully. From what she could gather, James was a magnificent person.

Lily interrupted James’s rambling about reindeer. “Hey James.”

“Yes?” he responded, confused.

“You’re not too bad.” Lily joked, hoping he would understand her hidden message.

He smiled lightly before responding, “You’re not too bad yourself. Okay, as much as I love talking to you, trust me I really really do. It’s late. You should be asleep. So, I’ll walk you home to make sure no psychos can take you.”

Lily laughed. “I’m sure they’ll be fine. I’ve been around one all night.”

“OI!” James yelled, but there was no malice in his voice. “I’ll have you know I’m very sane, thank you very much.”

“I’m sure you are.” They both grinned at each other and walked side by side to Lily’s house.

“Well, we’re here. No psychos fortunately” Lily said hesitantly.

“Ah, that’s a good thing. They wouldn’t want to see the wrath of Prefect Evans.” He joked. “Well anyways, I’ll see you around. And thank you for everything.” He added that last part quietly, but she still heard it and understood what he meant.

“You’re welcome. And thank you for a fun time.” Lily said sincerely. As James was walking away, she spoke up again. “Hey Potter!”

He turned, confused. “Meet me here tomorrow. We’ll get some ice cream during the day instead of the middle of the night.” She almost didn’t ask, but she was glad she did. It was worth it to see James’s face light up like a Christmas tree.

“I would love that. I’ll see you tomorrow then, Evans,” then he walked back up to her and gave her a light peck on the cheek, making her blush like mad.

Maybe, just maybe, she had misjudged James Potter. Maybe he was good after all. Only time would tell.

Thank you so much for reading!!!

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1123

survey by zqrwrgnani

What do you typically have for breakfast? I skip breakfast Monday to Friday. On weekends either of my parents will usually make fried rice served with 3–4 of the following: eggs, hotdogs, corned beef, dried fish, ham, longganisa, and luncheon meat.

Where do you purchase most of your clothes? There’s a tiangge at the local mall where they will change up the collection of clothes being sold every couple of weeks. They have trendy choices at really low prices so that’s where I liked getting clothes back when I went out more.

Do you have any opinions on Anna Delvey? Literally have never heard of her. Should I know who this is...?

What are you currently streaming? I have an episode of (surprise!) 2D1N turned on, but it’s paused.

What do you typically order when you go for coffee? Iced caramel macchiato. I actually switched it up today and went for a basic iced mocha, though. Just wanted to try something new, I guess.

Anything you’re looking out for at the thrift? No, and I don’t usually make trips to thrift stores either.

Who are your favorite YouTubers? Louise Pentland is a recent favorite. There’s also Good Mythical Morning, Grace Helbig, and The Try Guys. I also like a ton of BuzzFeed people but I don’t think they count as YouTubers. I like a good number of local vloggers as well but they’re no one you would recognize.

Describe your skincare routine. I just splash some water onto my face first thing in the morning, every day.

What’s your typical morning routine look like? Work has conditioned me to automatically wake up at 6:30, and by then I have the choice to either go back to sleep or try to properly wake up by watching YouTube videos. Either way, I have to be up by 8 so I can start working. And like I said, I briefly wash my face, then I immediately head to my laptop. That’s it, really; it’s super uneventful and I'm sorry I can’t make it any more interesting lol.

Are you still playing Animal Crossing? I never bought the game, actually. I asked Nina if I should buy it and she said it probably won’t be suitable for me since the game requires a lot of creativity, which as y’all know by now I lack entirely hahaha. I have my eyes set on other games.

How has the pandemic specifically affected you? It kept me from having a memorable final year in university, and it kept me from having a graduation ceremony. We also had to sell one of our cars, which I really loved driving when we still had it, so that bummed me out. I believe the pandemic had also been a slight factor in the crumbling of my former relationship as well.

Where’s your favorite place to go for brunch? I never go out for brunch.

What’s on your nightstand? Right now there is a bunch of books on it and a paper envelope from work.

What do you think about before falling asleep? Anything except my already pending deliverables work for the following day.

What is your main source of anxiety? Continued from the previous evening. I don’t know if there’s a main catalyst...a lot of things have the ability to make me feel anxious.

Any bands or artists you’ve recently discovered? I’m going further down the K-pop rabbit hole as I know it, lmao. It’s starting, you guys. This week I discovered GOT7; I’ve only heard one song so far but I’m extremely hooked. Ravi’s also very talented and has catchy songs.

What are your goals for today? Have a great rest of the evening and enjoy the start of my weekend.

What kind of games do you play on your phone? I haven’t been playing a lot of games on it, actually. I mainly use it to keep track of my Viber notifications (because my laptop sometimes won’t, and I end up replying to some work threads late) and to watch on Viu. But the last game I downloaded was a logo quiz game for old times’ sake.

Are there any packages you’re waiting to come in through the mail? Nah, haven’t ordered anything recently. I think I’m over my online shopping phase hahaha. I was just really excited about it when I got my first couple of paychecks, but now that the initial thrill has passed, I mainly look forward to spending on food – exactly like how I predicted it would be for me.

Describe your favorite t-shirt? I’d neverrrrr throw out my CM Punk Best in the World shirt for the world, no matter how more tattered and stained it gets. It’s one of my prized possessions and it reminds me of a really happy and carefree time in my life.

Do you have a specific aesthetic? I don’t know if I fit into a certain one; I certainly don’t consciously try to. You’d have to ask my friends if I do have a specific kind.

Skinny jeans or mom jeans? Mom jeans, a thousand times over. I dread wearing skinny jeans.

What’s your favorite 90s cartoon? The Wild Thornberrys.

Describe the moment you realized you were falling in love with someone. I felt scared more than anything else. I’ve never felt such a heavy sensation before, so I didn’t know what was going on. I also felt the need to be around them as much as I can, as I was starting to love and enjoy their presence, and be the one to attend to their needs.

Have you tried the feta and tomato recipe? No but sounds delicious.

What’s your favorite sparkling water brand/flavor? I don’t drink that. Sounds nasty.

What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? Don’t wear makeup, either.

What’s your all time favorite movie? Two for the Road.

What are some female names you would name a baby? Olivia, Mia, and Amelia are some of my favorites.

What about male? Erm, probably names like Mason, Elliott, Matteo, Liam...I don’t want a son, so I don’t think about boy names too often lmao.

Do you have any subscription boxes? No. I’ve always wanted to subscribe to one with a quirky concept, like a Korean-themed one, or international snacks or condiments, or curated alcoholic drinks, etc. but at the end I feel it’s a luxury I could do without.

What did you purchase the last time you bought groceries? The last time I got groceries was for work, and for that instance I got several of the following: coffee packs, soju, various canned goods, spaghetti set, Nutella, and toiletries.

What fictional creature would you like as a pet? Wouldn’t keep him as a pet but I feel like Maximus from Tangled would be such a fun dude to be around.

Describe your favorite piece of jewelry. I don’t have one. I love borrwing my mom’s Tiffany’s jewelry, though.

Have any local businesses closed that you’re sad about? So fucking many of them, especially the ones I frequented back in college. I went back to Katip last week and the place felt like a damn ghost town.

How do you feel about the BLM movement? I support it, of course. And I feel infuriated by those who try to counter by saying aLl LiVeS mAtTeR or worse, bLuE lIvEs MaTtEr.

What’s the worst advice you’ve ever taken? I don’t think I ever took an advice I knew was bad or would be useless or irrelevant to me. But this reminds me of my mom’s favorite piece of advice for every bad situation, which is to pray lmao.

How do you feel about your neighbors? I feel like I answer this a lot on this surveys, but I don’t think anything of them. We mostly keep to our own business.

What kind of dwelling do you live in? A house.

Have you been watching this season of The Bachelor? I’ve never tried watching it and have no desire to.

What’s typically kept in your purse/wallet? Paper bills, receipts I have the tendency to stuff and keep there even though I’ll never have to use them again, my Paramore ticket, TIN ID, copies of 1x1 and 2x2 photos of myself just in case I have to whip one out, driver’s license, my debit cards, and my vape.

How do you feel about TikTok? I gravitate towards the tutorials and unique prompts (like people showing their parents of different nationalities, the then-vs-now of their pets, etc) more so than the dance-y/meme-y ones. I’ve never felt the need to get the actual app, though. I get my TikTok fix on Facebook, which makes me feel old saying so LOL

What’s the hardest thing you’ve done/been through? Dealing through a breakup was surprisingly harder and more excruciating than deaths I’ve had to go through.

Did you/do you still have a Neopets account? I never had an account but I did have a Neopets game on my flip phone.

What do you look like on a day where you don’t leave the house? Haggard.

Do you have any opinions on Amberlynn Reid? Have literally never heard of that name.

Any current trends you dislike? Most streetwear.

#survey #surveys

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daydreaming-nerd · 4 years

Text

Death Bed (Sebastian Stan x Reader)

This was inspired by the song Death Bed by Powfu! I’ve had this in my head for so long and it’s probably my favorite thing I’ve worked on. I really hope y’all enjoy it! Please leave a comment with some feedback they make my day!!!

Warnings: Cancer, talk of character death, angst, sad ending.

Summary: The reader has been diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer. After hearing the news she stops treatment with plans of living out the rest of her days with Sebastian.

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Sebastian wasn’t happy when I decided to stop treatment. It took both me and the doctor to explain to him that it wasn’t going to do any good. But for a man who decided to put a ring on his girls finger just two weeks before that initial doctors trip, I can understand how that could be hard to hear.

So that’s how we ended up here, still in bed, at noon. Sheets disheveled and me laying directly on top of Seb.

I don’t wanna fall asleep, I don’t wanna pass away. I’ve been thinking of our future cause I’ll never see those days...

“I feel like we need to get up and eat eventually,” I said breaking the silence.

“But that would require moving,” He said.

“I know you’re hungry, I can feel your stomach rumbling,” I smiled.

He contemplated his next words, almost deciding if he should let me be right or hold his ground.

“I’m hungry,” he blatantly stated.

“Hi hungry I’m dad,” I said craning my neck up at him to see his reaction.

“I hate you,” He laughed.

“No, you love me,” I said setting my head on his chest again. Another long silence of contentment ensued.

I don’t know why this has has happened, but I probably deserve it.

“How could this happen?” He stated “Why? Why you?”

“I’ve always had the worst luck in life. I probably deserve it.”

He grabbed my chin so I would look at him. With glassed over eyes he said.

“No, not you. Never you,”

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I laid in bed as Seb made blueberry pancakes, our breakfast had turned into more of a brunch. It was almost always brunch these days. On my good days when I had the energy I would try and help but there were times he would make me sit down and watch. I think it made him feel better to take care of me and I wasn’t going to take that from him.

I been praying for forgiveness, you’ve been praying for my health. When I leave this earth hoping you’ll find someone else. ‘Cause yeah we’re still young there’s so much we haven’t done, getting married, start a family, watch your wife with her son.

“So you have any other women lined up for yourself when I finally kick the bucket?” I asked yelled out jokingly.

He walked in with a tray full of our food.

“You really think I’m thinking about that shit? I just put a ring on that finger a couple months ago!” He said sliding into bed next to me.

“You should be thinking about it! Who is going to take care of you when I’m gone huh? Mackie?”

“I’m sure I can figure it out!” he laughed.

I leaned up against his chest and he sighed, running a hand thorough my hair.

“I’m never going to be able to move on from you y/n,” he said in a more serious tone.

“You have to Seb. All we’ve talked about these last three years is settling down, getting married and having kids. I still want that for you,”

“I talked about those things with you though y/n. I wanted it all with you.” he said

I wish it could be me but I won’t make it out this bed, I hope I go to heaven so I see you once again

“I wanted to be your wife so bad,” I said feeling my heart brake.

“Who says you can’t be?” He perked up causing me to sit up and look at him. “Let’s round everyone up right now, anyone who can make it. Who says we need a caterer and a DJ? Let’s get married today!”

“Sebastian Stan I love you,” I smiled planting a kiss on his lips.

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It was the perfect wedding. Chris was in town and Anthony booked a last minute flight in order to get there. Paul Hauser, Seb’s I Tonya co-star made it as well as some of my old co-stars and Sebastians mother. We bought a cake from the supermarket down the street and signed the marriage certificate at NYC City Hall and called every preacher in town before we had to convince Paul to get his five minute minister license online. Sebastian even bought me a dress.

We ended up having the perfect wedding in our apartment. We partied all night with friends and family and ate shitty supermarket cake. Mackie sang Baby Got Back for us and Chris cried giving a toast.

“Can I have everyone’s attention please?” Sebastian started, “I’d like to make a toast and this one might be a tear jerker so someone hand Evans a tissue box,”

Everyone laughed and I moved over to give him a side hug.

“It’s no secret as to why we’re here today and I’d like to say thank you to everyone who came. I know it was last minute, but I’ve wanted to marry this woman for a few years now and there was no way I was letting it slip away from me.” he said looking at me “When I look back at this day I’ll always remember how beautiful you looked and how good it felt to hear you say I do. You’re so strong, brave and beautiful baby and I love you so much. I don’t know how much longer we have left, but I know it’s never going to be enough. So this ones for you Mrs. Stan. You made me the happiest man alive.” He said raising his glass.

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“Hey Mrs. Sebastian Stan can you turn off the light?” said Seb as I walked out of the bathroom towards the bed. I stepped over the discarded white dress and black tux to flip the switch and then I slid into bed next to my husband. We laid on our sides facing each other just noses apart.

“Are you gonna call me that all night?” I asked.

“Of course I am! You’re finally my wife,” He smiled.

“I have been wanting that last name for a while,” I smirked sliding into bed next to him.

“Mrs. Sebastian Stan did you enjoy our wedding?” He asked ever so sweetly

“I don’t think a wedding planner could’ve done any better. I never wanted it to end,”

“I didn’t either,”

“Well it’s a good thing we’re on the same page my dear husband because the wedding night is just beginning!” I smiled pulling him into a kiss.

My life was kinda short, but I got so many blessings. Happy you were mine, it sucks that it’s all ending

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“Can you pass me that pillow?” I asked holding a corner of my favorite blanket up on one of the dining room chairs.

Sebastian passed it over finishing his side and I smooshed the pillow on the blanket holding it in place.

“I’m gonna grab the snacks,” I said standing up and running to the pantry. When I got back Sebastian was already inside our little blanket fort.

I lifted up a blanket and slipped inside where he was sitting on our mattress.

“Did you get my peanut butter?” He asked.

“How could I ever forget,” I said holding it up. “I even grabbed my special touch.” I said holding up the bag of chocolate chip cookies we made earlier.

“God I love you,” He said grabbing the peanut butter while I snuggled into his side.

“I love you too baby,”

“So what are we watching?”

“Funny Girl?” I asked shyly. I had made him see it a thousand times.

“Again?”

“Seb I’m dying, like literally dying,” I whined knowing it always worked on him.

“You can’t keep using the ‘I have terminal cancer’ card! It’s not fair!” He laughed pulling up Funny Girl on the laptop. “This is the last time!”

“Okay last time I promise,” I said curling up with him opening the peanut butter.

That was a promise I intended to keep. I knew my time was coming soon. I could feel myself getting more and more tired everyday. As I laid there watching my favorite movie on Seb I felt my eyes water, simply because I wondered if this would be the last time I saw it. At least I finally got to be Sadie Sadie married lady just like Fanny.

I’m happy that you’re here with me I’m sorry if I tear up...

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I was laying in bed nose to nose with Seb after our movie. Bellies full from finishing a whole jar of peanut butter and cookies.

“What am I gonna do when I don’t have you here to make me watch Funny Girl or Meet Me in St. Louis” he stated.

“I’ll torment you from beyond the grave and make sure all the song’s get stuck in your head so you have no choice but to watch them,” I giggled.

“You are evil!” he said tickling my sides starting a war as I tried to break free from his hold.

When the tickle fights stopped we ended right where we started nose to nose in silence. We both ended up just staring at each other. Perhaps taking one another in. His eyes started to go glassy.

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” He said breaking down into tears and pulling me towards him so he was crying into my chest.

It was times like this when my chin sat on his head and I could feel him crying that I wanted to cry with him. But I couldn’t I had to be strong for him. This time he was making it really hard. So I wrapped my arms around his head and ran my fingers through his hair.

“Shhhhh it’s okay I’m here baby. I’m still here, I’m not going anywhere for a while,” I cooed.

I couldn’t tell if I was talking to him or me. Conceivably both of us. As I tried to tell him that I wasn’t going anywhere I was trying to convince myself of the same thing. The thing is these days I’m just not sure anymore.

The phrase “You don’t have as much time as you think you do” was becoming very real right now and I wasn’t sure I would have enough time to bring Sebastian peace before I go.

...Mondays watched a movie. Soon you’ll be alone, sorry that you have to lose me.

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I woke up around 11 the next morning and rolled over to see Sebastian still sleeping. I tried to take a mental picture of how he looked. Snuggling the pillow with one arm, the other draped around me. Pretty eyelashes, deep breaths and hair going two different directions.

“Good morning,” he mumbled opening his eyes.

“Morning baby,” I said running my hand through his hair.

He pulled me towards him so I was laying on his chest.

“We should go walk around the city,” He started “I heard it was going to be a beautiful day. We could go grab some dinner and eat it in the park and maybe go to a show and eat at that ice cream shop you like with the frozen hot chocolate,”

My heart broke because I could tell this was a day he planned when he woke up at some random time last night. His midnight ideas were always his best and they were always the ones he was most excited about. Unfortunately I was super tired and weak today.

“I’m sorry baby. That sounds like the best day ever but I’m not feeling my best today. Maybe if I feel better though we can go out later tonight!” I said trying to give him a little something to hold on to.

“No I can tell you’re not feeling well. Let’s stay here so you can get some rest.” he said adjusting himself so he was more comfortable.

Within a few minutes I was asleep again.

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I woke up to an empty spot where Sebastian used to be.

“yeah man I’m sorry I know I’ve been slacking,”

I could hear him in the living room talking on the phone. It was Don calling him again to see if he was ever going to come back to the gym. I had tried to tell him I didn’t mind if he wanted to go, but he never listened. Ever since I stopped chemo he stopped going to workout with Don. He says its so he can spend more time with me but I wish he would still go. When I’m gone I want him to have something constant in his life that isn’t about me.

“I just can’t leave her man, she’s getting worse and worse every day. I feel like I only have a few more weeks left- Yeah I know call you if I need anything- thanks a lot man, bye,” he said hanging up the phone. I heard him walk towards the bedroom so I pretended to just have woken up.

“Hey baby,” I said with a fake stretch.

“Hey hun you slept good! It’s four o’clock!” he said sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Damn I was tired,” I said rubbing my eyes

“How about I make some dinner?” he asked moving a stray hair out of my face.

“That sounds good!”

“Alright doll I’ll go get started,” he said kissing my temple before he left.

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After our delicious spaghetti dinner we watched a movie of Sebs choice which ended up being When Harry Met Sally and then went to bed.

I woke up with the most energy I’ve had in a while. I immediately remembered Sebastian’s plan for yesterday and was hoping he would still be game today.

“Seba” I said softly running my finger down the bridge of his nose. “Seba wake up,”

He scrunched his nose as he always did when I woke him up this way and eventually opened his eyes.

“Babe lets go do all the things you planned yesterday! It’s only 9 o’clock we can still get breakfast!” I said excitedly.

“I don’t know y/n yesterday you couldn’t even get out of bed and now you have this burst of energy. Maybe we should stay in the apartment again.” He said stretching.

“Sebby please! Its so beautiful out and it’s supposed to rain the rest of week! I need out of this apartment!” I said dawning my best pair of puppy dog eyes.

“Fine, but you have to tell me if you’re not feeling good,” he surrendered.

I immediately jumped out of bed to start getting ready.

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We were walking in the park trying to find that perfect spot by the central park boat house. When we were almost there we saw a street performer who was doing a magic show and I just had to stop and watch. What I didn’t notice was Sebastian going back to the flower stand we passed on our way here. I turned around I saw him exchanging money for flowers. The man handed him a big bouquet of my favorite flowers, pink peonies and roses. I know he wanted to be smooth about giving them to me but I could help but get excited right away.

“Baby!” I exclaimed walking towards him. “What’s all this for?” I asked.

“What I can’t buy my wife flowers?” He smiled handing them to me.

“This is why I fell in love with you, the little things.” I said reaching up to give him a little kiss on the cheek.

We continued our walk towards our favorite spot. It’s the best picnic place in the park. A little area cut out of bushes and shrubs with a big oak tree you can lean against and watch the boats come in and out of the boathouse.

This is where we always had our picnics. He sat down and opened up the brown paper sac that we packed with bread, cheese, strawberries and of course wine. As we ate I leaned against him and watched life pass around me.

“You know, ever since the doctor told me I was dying I started noticing the timeline of everything around me.” I stated.

“Care to elaborate?” asked Seb.

“Well for example that butterfly over there will probably only live for a few more months, but that boat that couple is rowing in might be used for years and years to come.”

“What about me? How long do I have?”

I paused and sat up so I could face him.

“You’re going to do so many amazing things baby. You’re gonna get the Oscar I always wanted,” I said sincerely.

“How do you know?”

“I just do,”

The rest of our day was spent wondering around the park until we went to see The Phantom Of The Opera on broadway, my favorite and yet another surprise from Sebastian. We ended up going to Serendipity for frozen hot chocolate after.

“I don’t know why but I still cry every time I see that show,” I said taking another sip of my drink.

“It’s because you always sympathize with the phantom,” he said.

“I just feel bad for him,”

I looked outside and saw that it was pouring rain and I suddenly remembered something I’ve always wanted to do.

“Babe come on!” I said grabbing Sebastian’s hand and running outside.

“What are you doing? It’s pouring out here, you’re going to get sick! We gotta go back inside!” he said already trying to go back inside.

“No wait!” I yelled over the rain “I’ve always wanted to kiss someone in the rain, ya know like in the movies?”

“Well you should’ve started with that baby!” He said excitedly blue eyes lighting up.

He used his hand to push the wet hair out of my face and connected our lips. It was everything I wanted it to be. The lights of the city shown around us as we clung to each other and our wet clothes molded together. It was the picture perfect movie moment I had always wanted to live out.

Looking back that was probably the best last day I could’ve ever asked for.

The next morning was the definition of “you don’t have as much time as you think you do.”

I woke up way before Sebastian did, about 7 to be exact. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach that this was it. I took the time to memorize Sebastian's face one more time. Around 8 my thoughts were interrupted by Sebastian’s phone ringing. As he began to stir I looked over to see who it was. It was Don. Before he could ignore the call I leaned over his half asleep form and grabbed his phone so I could answer.

“Hi Don this is y/n!” I said trying to sound as chipper as possible. To which Don proceeded to ask if Sebastian would be coming into the gym today to start training for his next role as Bucky. Sebastian violently shook his head no.

“Yeah he’s coming! He’s making breakfast right now. I’m sure he’ll be over there in a little bit- Talk to you later Don, bye!” I said with a smile.

“Babe I really don’t wanna go to the gym today,” he groaned.

“I know baby but you’ve been skipping out for too long now. Will you please go? For me? I know you’ll feel so much better if you do,” I chimed.

“Okay, but only for you.” he said rolling out of bed to put on his gym clothes.

“I love you!” I said knowing it might be my last chance to say so.

“I love you too!” He said as he started walking to the kitchen.

It didn’t take long for him to grab a protein bar and tie his shoes.

“Hey Sebby?” I yelled from bed.

“Yes baby?” He said popping his head into the bedroom.

“Can you bring me a coffee on your way home?” I asked.

“Of course,” he smiled.

“Can I have a kiss?”

He walked over and gave me a short and sweet kiss. A kiss that was far too short.

“I love you so much Sebby! Don’t ever forget it!” I said

“I love you too darling,” He said with a smile.

That was the last time I ever saw him.

Once again I didn’t have as much time as I thought I did to soak all of him in and say goodbye. But this was the right thing to do.

As soon as the door closed I grabbed a pen and paper off his desk and began to write.

Sebby,

I’ve written this letter over and over again in my head but never had the courage to put it down on paper. I’ve never been able to get the words right and lord knows I won’t be able to now, but I’m gonna try. When I was a little girl I watched princess movies day and night. Every day I wondered if I’d ever find a prince of my own. I never really believed I would. Not till I met you. You gave me a love I thought only existed in fairytales or movies. You loved me so much and made every day I had left on this earth so amazing. I wish I could give that same gift back to you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me and I hope one day you can be that for someone else again. You deserve to get all the love you gave me back. Just a few things before I go. Always check your pockets for your headphones before you put them in the wash because I won’t be around anymore to buy you new ones. Make copies of your scripts because you always find a way to spill coffee all over them. The bandaids aren’t in the bathroom they’re in the first aid kit in the closet next to the iron. And above all, I love you so much Sebastian Stan and I always will no matter where I go. You will always be the love of my life. I’ve been all over the world, met so many people and done so many things and I would give them all away for one more moment with you because you, yes you Sebby, were my greatest adventure.

-I love you so much,

Y/N (Mrs. Sebastian Stan)

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I’ve never cried while writing a fic before but I definitely cried during this one. Please leave me a comment below on your thoughts they really help motivate me.

Would any one be interested in a short pt.2/ follow from Sebastian's perspective?

#Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan x reader #Bucky Barnes #James Buchanan Bucky Barnes #james buchanan barnes #Bucky angst #bucky fanfic #sebastian stan angst

36 notes · View notes

tiredandineffable · 5 years

Text

A Proposal

Now I’m Very behind on fictober, as this is still entry #7 (prompt: “Can you stay?”; I had to adapt this one slightly). This one just ended up being an immense entry for me with so much I wanted to throw in. It’s also quite possibly the longest single scene I’ve written in a good while.

This is a continuation of the past three entries (part 1, part 2, part 3). One part left, y’all!

A huge thank you to my amazing beta, @eunyisadoran, for all her amazing work! This chapter literally could not have been done without you!

Rated G.

Summary for the whole work: Aziraphale just wanted to get her parents off her back about her love life. She did not plan on falling in love with her best friend and fake girlfriend along the way. Nor did she plan on getting fake engaged. But such is life, she supposes. Ineffable wives, fake dating au that Escalates to fake engagement au. All around, a good time to be had.

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2 Years Ago

“Did she say what she was looking for?” Mr. Eliot called, perching neatly on the stool behind the counter.

“Tolstoy. Zira dropped Sevastopol Sketches in the bath and she’s panicking because she teaches pre-Soviet literature this Monday, well before library hours,” Crowley explained, taking the stairs two at a time and all but throwing herself into the classic literature section. War and Peace, Anna Karinina, but where’s the rest? “Do you keep Tolstoy in Classic Lit, or is he under general fiction?”

“I’m afraid that whole second floor would be labeled classic literature if it contained everything I believed to be classic literature,” Mr. Eliot sighed. There’s the sound of another box of books landing on the counter and a smile tugs at Crowley’s lips. This place can’t fit any more books, but then he goes and buys them by the box full. “I keep popular Tolstoy works under classic literature, but Sevastopol Sketches is under politics. If it refuses to be found, I’ll come up. Can’t very well have you going home to Aziraphale empty handed, now can we?”

Crowley trailed her fingers along the spines, letting the warmth of the shop settle in as she worked her way to Politics. “Definitely can’t have that. I think the dissertation is already getting to her. You won’t believe how rude her advisor’s comments were. He claimed she was romanticising Oscar Wilde.”

When she found the book, the cover was torn and water damage had built up from what was likely years of reading in the rain, but it was legible and beggars can’t be choosers so close to a deadline. Knowing that nerd, she’ll probably just call it well-loved.

“Did the man not romanticize himself?” Mr. Eliot asked. “Was his entire life not one grand aesthetic movement? One decadence upon another?”

“Exactly!” Crowley wandered about the second floor, finding herself once again in classic lit. Victorian literature is comfortable, she realized, because it remains one of the only things she and Aziraphale share. She might never understand how a point in time so overstudied in literature could feel so personal, but it did, somehow. Ours, she thought, fingers trailing over a green spine with gold embossing.

“At times I wonder if this dissertation is about Wilde at all,” Aziraphale had said, closing her computer with the certainty of someone who has finished, but the sigh of someone who never will.

Crowley looked up from her book with a raised brow. “How is your dissertation on the translational history of Salome not about Wilde?”

“It’s so much more than that. The first English edition? Alfred translated it from Wilde’s French, even though Wilde could have easily translated it himself. To even accept its publication in Britain was to accept the censorship of its illustrations. It wasn’t true to the French version, the version Wilde himself had created. It was all a compromise,” she said. Aziraphale laid back on the carpet, short hair falling about her like a halo, and Crowley was acutely aware of the tightness in her own throat.

“But after Wilde’s death, Robert Ross took on the thankless job of purchasing back the rights on every one of Wilde’s works, including Salome," Aziraphale continued. "Cost him hundreds of thousands of dollars."

Crowley finally shut her book to lay beside her on the carpet, looking up to the ceiling to avoid staring right at her. Aziraphale was beautiful like this. Her usual perfect posture had been swapped out for a much more casual sprawl, a symbol of some unspoken trust. They'd seen the worst of each other, Crowley supposed, so letting her guard down made sense. "Seems like a lot of money to spend. Was he hoping for royalties?"

Aziraphale had lit up at the question, shaking her head and rolling onto her side to look at Crowley. "That's the thing. There was no promise the books would even still sell after the trial. But Oscar had hated some of the changes made for publishing and Ross decided to fix them after his death. Salome in particular. Robbie made sure the illustrations weren’t censored this time, confirmed that the cover was as self-indulgent in its beauty as Wilde would have wanted, took out Alfred's name. My dissertation focuses on the translation, sure, but it is a study in Ross’s choices, not Wilde’s.”

Crowley brushed her fingers along the cover, the floral pattern larger than life under her touch. A cover as decadent as Wilde would have wanted. The restored illustrations are in such direct opposition to turn-of-the-century rules of propriety that it's any wonder the uncensored form got published in Britain at all. From cover to cover, the only credit Crowley found was to Wilde; Alfred's ties to the play had been severed completely. Ross's choices.

It's a tribute, Crowley realized. In her hands is a testament to Ross's self-sacrificing love. It is the product of countless fights against King, country, and publishing houses until Ross was sure Wilde would have been pleased. All this done in the memory of a man who had never loved him back. A man who never would.

An act of self-sacrificing, unrequited love.

She paid for both books quickly and tried not to read too deeply into the purchase on the walk home.

……………….

Present day

“Don’t see why this couldn’t have waited,” Aziraphale said, brow raised to emphasize the edge of doubt in her words. Part of the benefit of their agreement was that they could toss ideas for their theses back and forth without having to worry about classes the next morning or Crowley’s commute back to her own apartment. That’s where they should be, sitting on Aziraphale’s bedroom floor, brainstorming or complaining about whatever it was they had to write next.

Instead, she’s sitting at the front door, straight-backed despite her exhaustion and tugging on her boots for an excursion that is likely not appropriate for the time of night. “It’s nine PM, Crowley. The bookstore closes in less than an hour and I am very certain that you can simply download Jekyll and Hyde online instead of harassing the bookshop owner who, quite frankly, is likely already at his wits’ end with regards to our visits. And it’s very unlike you to go out of your way to purchase a book.”

Crowley rolled her eyes, reaching over Aziraphale for her bag. “Firstly, download? What kind of English student are you? There’s no romance in sitting around with my eyes burning, reading on my computer like some amateur. There are notes to be made through the margins, stolen glances to be had over the top.”

“This isn’t Dead Poets Society, Crowley. I’m rather certain your romanticism is not worth the trouble to Mr Eliot.”

“He likes us, Zira. He’s probably bored. It’s why he always asks us about our theses and gives us discounts when we go.” She pauses then, squinting down at Aziraphale as she tugs on her sweater. “Wait. Are those my boots?”

Aziraphale considered it, looking down at the boots before getting up to smooth her skirt out. There are so many things she’d borrowed and so many things Crowley had borrowed in turn. “Likely. I don’t believe I remember buying them. Although that sweater is mine, so I’d say we’re evenly matched.”

Crowley shrugged, lips curling up in a way that leaves Aziraphale’s chest aching with fondness. She’s fond of the way Crowley turns and steps through the door, swaying as if she has both too many bones and not nearly enough. She’s fond of how Crowley all but swims in that sweater, of how she’s rolled the arms up neatly to the elbows in order to compensate for the size. Most of all, she’s fond of the unspoken intimacy they’ve cultivated over the years. She rarely lets herself dwell on that last part; no sense in misconstruing friendly actions for romantic ones when her feelings are so clearly not reciprocated.

The sweater suits Crowley, she supposes.

God, Zira, don’t focus on that either.

……………….

She stepped into the bookshop and immediately forgot why she had protested this book run. It is utterly deserted and blessedly quiet, filled only with the dusty scent of well-loved books. She has spent countless hours sitting amongst the books with Crowley, debating the potential symbolism of some minutiae of Atwood’s latest novel or the relevance of Orwell in modern society. The bookstore holds both her most infuriating and most beloved memories of Crowley, tucked comfortably between its floor-to-ceiling bookshelves.

In the middle of it all, Mr Eliot sits perched behind the counter, passively accepting the shenanigans and arguments with learned patience. He looks up as she and Crowley step in. “Ah, such illustrious visitors at such a late hour,” he says, looking up from a pile of collectible Beatrix Potter paperbacks. “May I help you find anything?”

Aziraphale shakes her head automatically, speaking before Crowley can start up an inevitably long conversation. There’s no sense in holding up Mr Eliot more than they already have. “No, no. Crowley simply forgot a book and insisted she needed it tonight. Apologies for the late hour. I assure you, we won’t be a bother.”

“Nonsense. You two are always welcome to come in,” he insists, returning his attention to the books, while Aziraphale turns hers to Crowley.

Crowley, to her credit, has made no move to engage Mr. Eliot in literary conversation. Rather, Crowley is already halfway up the steps, bounding up the stairs two steps at a time. How could anyone still be so enraptured by the subject of their dissertation after so many years? Aziraphale sighs, ignores the pang of jealousy, and ascends the stairs at a pace better suited to individuals who were not long-legged beanpoles. Maybe I should have focused on Victorian horror too.

Crowley looks over at Aziraphale as she finally reaches the top, a handful of books already in her lanky arms. All are clearly too large to be the sought-after Stevenson novella.

“How are there no copies of Jekyll and Hyde under classic lit?” Crowley asks, her shoulders back, and hips tipped a little too far forward. Forced nonchalance. Crowley’s tension is clearly the result of far more than just a misshelved book. Between the kiss and the proposal, Aziraphale has put too much on her shoulders and this is the result. Guilt settles into Aziraphale’s chest, stamping out the bookshop-induced calm.

“You check horror and I’ll check general fiction? It has to be here, Zira. I have to get this shit emailed to my advisor by the morning or he might literally crucify me.”

“We’ll find it, Crowley.” She bites her lip as she walks through the bookstore, finding her way through on muscle memory alone as she worries. Crowley had insisted it was fine, even talking her into the not-proposal. But Crowley always did this, sacrificing her mental health to save Aziraphale, and in the grand scheme of that week, it all made sense. Crowley had listened to the “80’s Songs for Self-Pitying Dumbasses” playlist no less than 14 times in half as many days on their shared account and Aziraphale, perhaps the true dumbass in this whole situation, had assumed Crowley was beating herself up over her latest publication draft. Aziraphale has to call this off. She can’t keep taking advantage of Crowley’s kindness.

Book first, sort-of-breakup second.

Stevenson should be an easy find. She brushes her fingers along the spines as she moves through the horror section. Jackson, Lovecraft, Poe, Rice, Shelley, Wilde.

Wilde?

She looks curiously at the misshelved book, running her thumb over gilded letters. Salome. The warm bookshop lighting illuminates the delicate gold floral pattern of the cover, brightens its soft green background, and Aziraphale’s hands shake not out of anxiety but out of overwhelming excitement. She flips through it with quick, light touches to the first few pages and inhales the words just as she exhales the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. She skips over decadent illustrations, over publication details. And, impossibly, there it is.

A Note on “Salome” by Robert Ross.

“Crowley!”

“Did you find it?”

Something drops out as Aziraphale flips through the book, and she reaches for it just as Crowley turns the corner. She looks...hopeful, worried. Aziraphale looked down at the small envelope and then back up to Crowley, tears forming in her eyes because this is it, isn’t it? The proposal, ineffably cruel in its perfection.

Because it is perfect. It’s intimate and thoughtful and literary. She has no idea where Crowley would have found this edition in such perfect condition, nor does she have a clue how Crowley would have been able to afford it.

And then there’s the bookshop itself. It has borne witness to their very history, from the earliest days of whatever this is, cataloguing every laugh and shelving every fight. If this were real, if Aziraphale and Crowley had actually been together for three years and Crowley had proposed right then, things would be fine. Because the library would have been theirs. Ours.

It’s where I fell in love with you. With your red curls and your too-loud laugh and the way you complain about books with bad covers. Its where I realized that every bookshop felt too quiet without your commentary. Did you notice how I dragged you here whenever I felt like shit, because I wanted my favourite person in my favourite place? How I snuck glances at you while you read because I’ve spent every school holiday over three years just fighting the urge to kiss you against the shelves? I have ached and I have ached and I have ached for any of this to be real, for you to feel even an iota of the love I do for you. I have done so amongst these books, these shelves, and these words.

And now you mock me with it.

“Crowley.” Aziraphale sounds about ready to break and she knows it. “Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is.”

Watching Crowley’s face in that moment is like watching a person simultaneously go through the five stages of grief. She wets her lips, parting them to say something but seemingly not finding the words, her brows furrowing only to smooth out. Instead, she stands frozen, sharp edges barely held together, quiet as if deciding how to act without pushing Aziraphale any further. She finally takes a step, tentative and awkward with stiff knees, looking down at her feet.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of it. This isn’t how it was supposed to be.”

Aziraphale almost laughs despite the tears rolling down her cheeks. “Dearest Crowley, how the hell was it supposed to be, then? Had you intended to hurt me more, to make things worse? Was there some silly detail you missed that would have truly put the nail in this coffin? I can’t imagine there’s much else you can do to toy with my emotions. You truly did your homework, checked all the boxes. Bravo. Perfect show. You outdid yourself with this one.”

“Is that what you think this is? Do you think any of this has been easy for me?” Crowley’s entire demeanor has changed, her shoulders rising not with their usual anxiety but with the frustration that comes with years of suppressed hurt, exploding all at once. “I almost drove home three times this week because the thought of doing this and seeing you react the way I had imagined was excruciating.” Crowley reaches for the envelope on the ground and pockets it, not looking back as she walked down the stairs. “Congrats on somehow making it fucking worse.”

“Can’t you stay and address your mistakes like an actual adult?” Aziraphale calls back. She won’t give her the satisfaction of running after her.

“My mistakes?” Crowley stops on the last step at the bottom of the stairs. “Want to hear about my mistakes? I fell in love with you. Not even a year into this. I stayed because it wasn’t fair that you’d have to deal with your parents just because I got a crush. Then I stayed because I couldn’t risk losing my one shot at doing all the dumb little romantic shit that I wanted to do with you, even if it didn’t really mean anything. Then I stayed because I thought maybe, one day, it might actually mean something.” Crowley sighs, tugging her coat on a little tighter with her hands clenched in the fabric, her voice too thick. “So no, I won’t stay.”

“Would you stay if I said I did too?” Aziraphale doesn’t know where those words came from, how she spoke them so confidently despite her wet lashes and shaking hands. She takes a breath as she slowly works her way down the steps, leaning on the hardwood railing. Now she’s the one being overcareful, stopping a few steps short of where a tightly wound Crowley still stands. Aziraphale is suddenly very aware of how ready Crowley is to run.

“Don’t say things you don’t mean, angel.”

Aziraphale laughs, short and bittersweet. “We were here one night, just upstairs. Mr. Eliot said we could stay as late as we wanted so long as we locked up before going home. You wanted to power through, finish up some presentation in time to get comments from your advisor because you insisted we should get some time to ourselves on this trip. So you sat there and you worked, but I didn’t. I couldn’t, really, because I kept thinking of what it would be like to crawl over and just kiss you. Which is ridiculous, because we’d kissed a handful of times that day for show. But I wanted…” She feels the curl of her lips, a breath escape between words. “I wanted to kiss you until you forgot about that presentation entirely. Until it meant something to us both.”

Crowley turns a bit towards her, wiping roughly at her face with shaky hands and God, even looking like an emotional wreck, Crowley is somehow the most beautiful person Aziraphale has ever seen. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You could right now,” Crowley says, looking into the otherwise empty shop beside her in a desperate attempt to avoid eye contact. The soft hiccuping breaths, a remnant of some shouting they’ve both come to regret, have squandered any attempts at looking cool and collected. Crowley is trying all the same. “Kiss me, I mean.”

“Could I, hmm?” Aziraphale steps forward, her pinky reaching for Crowley’s own. Crowley, to her credit, takes her whole hand instead.

“Better do it fast or-”

There’s a little choked sound from Crowley as Aziraphale finally presses in, letting her hand tangle up in Crowley’s curls, pulling her in as she’d only dreamed of doing for...God, too damn long. Her lips press in hard, a little too eager, but neither of them is up for complaining when this is so long overdue, and it’s all more than smoothed over by Crowley’s tender brush of a thumb along Aziraphale’s cheek. She had imagined how this might feel before, extrapolating from the limited data of their meaningless embraces, but she’d never before noticed the little things: the cherry taste of Crowley’s lip balm, the way she somehow eternally smells like coffee, the way she miraculously manages to be tender and hurried all at once. Too much and not enough.

She pulls Crowley in tighter but miscalculates the trajectory, accidentally bumping their glasses together. They’re both laughing by the time they pull apart.

“Wanna get out of here?” Crowley asks. She’s a little a little dishevelled and a little breathless, but she’s still brimming with her trademark teasing and Aziraphale wouldn’t have it any other way.

Aziraphale hugs the book to her chest. “Wherever you want to go.”

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seoulscenarios · 5 years

Text

Playground date with Felix

So, one of Felix’s favourite places to take you on a date is to a park

You don’t know why but he loves visiting them with you

Maybe it’s because he can finally expel all his energy without the risk of breaking something valuable

Or maybe he just wants fresh air, but he adores it

It could also be due to the convenience store food you always pick up on the way

He has an insatiable sweet tooth, so you rarely carry actual food

More like sweets and ice creams and maybe some blue drinks because “Blue is always the best flavour” (I stand by that)

At first you didn’t agree but now you’ll defend blue drinks with your life (mainly because Felix loves it when someone else defends his choice and you’ll do anything to see him smile)

Anyway, on to the actual date

It always starts out the same, with you both picking up food and heading to the nearest park

Even walking to the park, itself is an event because it feels like it’s been forever since you two have seen each other (really, it’s been like 3 days at most?)

And the streets you walk down are filled with your combined laughter and squeals as Felix suddenly hoists you over his shoulder screaming how his baby shouldn’t have to walk

No matter how loud you both are, onlookers can’t help but smile at the two of you walking down the street with contagious smiles, so obviously in love

When you guys finally reach the park it’s slowly becoming sunset and honestly this is Felix’s favourite time to go because;

1) Children tend to not be around as its on the verge of getting dark and he likes when it’s just the two of you, if feels more intimate somehow

And 2) He loves the way the lowering sun hits your skin and reflects in your eyes, he thinks it’s the most breathtaking site in the world

But of course, he doesn’t tell you the second reason because thoughts like that are exclusively for your late-night talks

A N Y W A Y

After Felix swiftly kicks open the gate to the playground (it’s taken many attempts to master this and honestly the amount of times you’ve been dropped on your head is…….worrying) he finally sets you down

He’s already beaming at this point because here you both are, in his favourite place to be with his favourite person

And before you can say anything, he’s already dragging you off to the first thing he wants to do today which is the “exercise” equipment

It’s always exciting for you because Felix constantly changes the order of things he wants to go on

And you always follow his lead because boy knows what he wants and you’re happy to just spend time with him

As y’all reach the exercise stuff Felix slings his bag on the floor and is already getting on that contraption that flips you almost upside down??

It causes you to laugh because of all the exercise stuff this one is his favourite

He’ll stay on it for as long as possible which is never good cause all the blood rushes to his head and he gets super dizzy

But even when he feels like he’s going to throw up he’s got his signature smile across his lips

And boy does that make you melt even more than already, in fact so much you don’t register Felix dragging you off to the next thing he wants

Which is the weird machine that you stand and twist on

Luckily there are two that face each other so you both get on and twist and make funny faces at each other

His eyes crinkle when he laughs really hard at you pulling your worst face and has to stop twisting because if he can’t see what he’s doing probably going to fall

And that brings relief to you because honestly you were on the verge of getting a cramp in your side from the laughing and the exercise

You both stand there until Felix has finally calmed down and you’re happy because it gives you a chance to admire him

How the sunlight hits his golden skin and grazes across his freckles

How it gives his hair, in fact his whole body a soft glow behind him

And when he finally opens his eyes how it gives his pupils a look of golden flecks

Honestly in that moment you feel so lucky and he looks so ethereal you lose your breath for a second

But you’re knocked out of your daze by Felix nudging your arm and telling you he wants to race to the roundabout.

And by that, I mean he’s already running off while yelling at you that it’s a race, leaving his bag in the dust

You just laugh and pick up his bag and run after him as fast as you can

Obviously with the amount of energy he has you don’t catch up, but he appreciates you even entertained the idea with his head start

Rolling your eyes, you stop in front of him and gently place his bag on the ground

To which his eyes widen, and he just says “No wonder I felt so light. Sorry babe” followed by a sheepish grin

His statement is just met with a laugh before you stand on the roundabout, saying he can push you round in return

To which he happily obliges, telling you to hold on tightly and just as your hands grip onto the metal poles he starts pushing

He gets carried away easily and before he realises it he’s pushing really fast and is met by your squeals of his name

Part of him doesn’t want to stop because he loves the way his name sounds when it leaves your lips

He might even say it’s his favourite sound it the world, but he had an even better idea

He lets the roundabout slow down to a decent pace and as you pass by, he jumps onto the section where you stand, placing his arms either side of you and letting that sheepish grin return before saying hi

You chuckle as he looks at you and nudge him, asking him what he’s staring at to which he just shrugs and says “You know the date started ages ago and I still have yet to kiss you”

As he says those words you don’t realise that he’s slowly closing the distance between your faces and one arm has removed itself from the pole and set itself around your waist

You respond by bringing a hand to his face and gently swiping your thumb across his cheeks and the next thing you know; his lips are softly pressed against yours

Felix has a unique way of kissing you

It’s filled with extraordinary amounts of emotion but at the same time it’s so delicate, almost as if he’s afraid he could break you

You don’t realise the roundabout has finally come to a stop until he slowly pulls away from you and mumbles “God I’ve missed you”

And he knows it hasn’t been long but being here with you in this perfect moment makes it feel like it was an eternity when he was away from you

However, there are still more things to play with so Felix hops off the roundabout and offers you his hand

You take it and step off, interlocking your fingers as he picks up his bag and leads you to the swings, twirling you once or twice to evoke laughter from you yet again

Once you reach the swings Felix sets his bag down and sits on a swing, still holding your hand, waiting for you to sit on the swing next to him

As you sit down, you expect him to let go of your hand but he’s fully attached now so he’s not letting go

So, you both gently swing together, still holding hands and talking about the events that had happened to you that day

After a while of talking Felix notices the last stretch of natural light is coming to an end and has an idea

He lets go of your hand and tells you to go a bit harder on the swing before standing in front of you

Of course, you oblige simply because you’re curious for what he needed you to do it for

So, you swung forward a little harder and you were met with a soft and quick kiss on the lips

As you swung back you noticed the goofy smile on his face as he wiggled his eyebrows at you before you met him for another

You continued to swing forward, each time being met with a kiss and every time you swung back you were met with a funny face causing you to laugh, much as you had throughout the rest of the date

What you didn’t notice was Felix pulling out his phone so when you swung back, he could snap a picture of you

And boy did he get the perfect picture, the dim light hitting your face that was filled with happiness and laughter as your head was slightly tilted back

He could stare at this picture for hours, and honestly, he probably would

It would be his new lock screen and you can bet he would show all the guys

But for now, showing them would have to wait as the sun had set and the final activity on your date must be carried out

When you stopped swinging Felix once again picked up his bag, took your hand and let you over to a metal climbing structure

It was routine for you two to end your time together and truth be told, it was your favourite part of the date

Slowly you both climbed to the top of the (not so high) structure and found a suitable place for you both to rest

Felix took the bag off his back and put rested it next to him, finally opening it and unpacking all the sweets and drinks you had bought.

You opened your phone and went into your music library and selected the list “Night talks” then locked it and placed it on top of the bag

And that’s how your night continued

Eating sweets, talking about anything and everything you could think of

Aliens, conspiracy theories, family, the boys, debates about the best member of the Wiggles, you know, the usual

No topic remained untouched from the two of you sat there, holding hands and loudly stating your opinions in attempts to make your time together last as long as possible

After hours had passed and many phone calls from worried friends had been missed you both decided that it was time to go

Mainly because Felix needed sleep before practice tomorrow but you alerted Chan that Felix would be walking you home and he said the manager would drive to yours to pick Felix up

So you both walked back to your apartment, hand in hand, occasionally stopping to pet a dog or look at something in a shop window

But when you finally reached your destination, his manager already waiting, you pulled him in for one final kiss

Thanking him for evening you two had spent together, telling him it was indeed one of you favourites

Causing a grin to spread across his face again before swooping in for one last kiss, mumbling on your lips “I love you”

Which caused a smile to grace your lips as you responded before he ran off to his waiting manager to take him back to the dorms, where he would not stop smiling and gushing about your date

Overall Felix is a soft boy who wants to go to the playground and have fun and be free while giving you kisses and making you laugh because you’re his world

#seoulscnearios #seoulscenarios stray kids #stray kids imagine #stray kids imagines #stray kids fluff #stray kids felix #felix lee #stray kids felix scenarios #lee felix scenarios #lee felix imagines #felix fluff #lee felix imagine

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thephantomofthe-internet · 6 years

Text

Homeward Bound: Chapter 1

Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader, Billy Hargrove x Henderson!Reader

Word Count: 2,015

Warnings: swearing, death mention, general fear and anxiety

Author’s Note: So this, with any luck will a series if y’all like it!!! I’m really happy with what I’ve written thus far. I know this chapter isn’t exactly thrilling, but it’s the preamble to what the story will become. If you like it, send a comment or ask, I really wanna know what you’re feeling on this one, cause if you hate it I won’t continue. Also, might change the title cause it’s shit! Anyway, enjoy!

Permanent Tag: @hotstuffhargrove @denimjacketkisses @flamehairedwritings @lilmissperfectlyimperfect @steveharringtonofficial @giftofdreams @feverxxdream

Feedback Appreciated!!!

Leaving Hawkins was the right choice. After your parent’s divorce and the mess that was the disasters in Hawkins’ Labs, your family being heavily involved, you were more than happy to take your government pay out and move as far away as possible. So while Dustin finished off his years at Hawkins High School, you pursued a law degree at Berkeley. Then, you switched to teaching. Then, you dropped out altogether. You wrote your first novel in parts, mostly in a well-worn spiral notebook with chunks coming in from napkin and coffee sleeve scrawling while working in a coffee shop in San Diego, watching struggling actors chase hangovers with caffeine and Valium and sitting through the careless flirting from rogue beat poets and other moustachioed hipsters.

But you were fabulously happy. Sure, every so often, when money was tight and morale was down, you thought about going home. But then you remembered that home meant Hawkins and Hawkins meant reliving the day your best friend Heather was eaten by demo-dogs right before your eyes. You couldn’t bear the thought of repeating that memory over and over again in your head. You couldn’t bear to see if Hawkins had moved on without her.

And besides, you could breathe easy away from your old small town. Nobody knew you, at least not by what happened to you and your family, and those who recognized you kept away. You could easily blend in to the crowds and not stick out as the girl who survived the labs. You felt free and easy, calm for the first time in years.

So, you stayed where you were. You made excuses on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter every year like clockwork. You flew out to Chicago to see your dad once, if only because Dustin was going and you missed him like crazy. He understood, of course. If not for Lucas, Mike, and Max still living in town, he would’ve moved in with dad and Marnie in a heartbeat. He called as often as he could, telling you tales of triumph and woe.

In his last call, he’d spent thirty minutes bragging about how many girls asked him to prom, including the first girl to ever spurn him, Stacy Canfield. He had delighted in rejecting her the same way she did him way back in the eighth grade. But now, on the phone, he didn’t sound so pleased.

“So? Did Marcy say yes or not?” you giggled excitedly, pressing the phone tighter between your shoulder and head as you leaned down to paint your pinkie toenail neon pink, the wet polish shiny on your toes.

“Huh? Oh, yeah she did…” Dustin mumbled on the other end and you swore you could practically hear his feet shuffling awkwardly all the way in California, a leftover from his guilty toddler years.

You sighed, shaking your head slightly, you long mismatched earrings clattering against themselves. “Alright, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing!” Dustin cried.

“Dusty, you spent months talking up this chick, you finally land her and all you can say is ‘oh, yeah’? Something’s bugging you so just tell me.” You insisted, dropping the tiny brush back into the tiny bottle, waving your hands over the wet polish.

He sighed “It’s just…I’m graduating soon and mom’s on my case about inviting you down and I don’t want to make a big deal and I know you hate Hawkins…”

“Stop.” You interrupted, silencing him in an instant. “Do you want me there?”

“Yes.” He gulped, his voice shaky and awkward and small; like a boy trying to hide the voice cracks of puberty.

“Then I’m there.” You replied swiftly, smirking as though you’d won. Truly you had.

“But what-” he started again, causing you to groan loudly.

“Ah! Don’t worry about me! Worry about exams and prom and Marcy! Have mom call me with the date and I’ll book a flight.” You promised.

This made Dustin happy, which was the ultimate goal, but it planted a seed of anxiety in your stomach that could not be soothed. You suffered through calls from your mother, filled with tense excitement and worried questions. You pushed through the fear, you bought the ticket and gave your editor your mother’s phone number. You packed your bags and handed your neighbour, Stella, your spare key and the twenty dollars you’d promised her son Georgie to water your plants.

You got on the plane, manuscript in hand, ready to edit the novel you’d spent nearly three years on, your editor’s initial notes running through your head. The flight was four hours long, then you’d have to drive from Indianapolis to Hawkins, a nearly five hour drive. Your day was set to be long and awful and it made you want to turn back and not coming back, returning to the warmth and comfort of your tiny apartment.

But you pushed through. You owed Dustin that much. You felt like a terrible sister having never come to visit, but you pushed away that feeling. You’d be home in nine hours and you’d have a full two weeks with the younger boy you adored so much. You just had to push through the journey, to hell with it being the true adventure; you knew coming home would be more intense than getting there.

Still, the drive was filled with the same sickly memories of leaving Hawkins for the first time. It had been a day trip with your almost boyfriend, Steve, just into Chicago to find the child killer their only believable source, Jane, had described.

Steve.

You hadn’t even thought about him when you were planning your trip back. He was still in Hawkins, as per his mentions in Dustin’s letters. The two were still thick as thieves, the older brother Dustin never had. Of course, you were still happy that he hung around with your brother, even after your friendship and “relationship” fell apart. You always worried that once you two became friends, he’d leave Dustin in the dust, but he didn’t. You worried that he was just using Dustin to get in your pants and he’d stop when he got what he wanted, but he didn’t. You especially worried that he’d stop hanging out with Dustin when you two fell apart, but he didn’t. Now, with you gone, you hoped their friendship was strong. You hoped that with you there, Steve wouldn’t be put off from coming to see him, from going to his graduation.

You two had not ended well.

Hopefully, that wouldn’t get in the way.

As you drove down the interstate, your mind flashed memories of going the opposite way.

September 1986, a late summer breeze blowing your hair out of your face as you stuck your hand through the wide open window, fingers wiggling in the breeze, a smile on your face so effortless and bright it could rival the sun, R.E.M’s The One I Love blasting through the speakers, Steve’s not-so-secret latest favourite song. He was singing along, off-key of course; Steve wasn’t exactly a fabulous singer, his fingers tapping out the rhythm on the steering wheel. You were laughing at his awful British accent, watching him for a beat longer than usual, mouth open in the aftermath of the laugh, still smiling. The sun was beginning to set, golden hour slowly shifting its soft light over the sky. You’d left late, Steve’s fault, he’d woken up late and spent too long choosing the appropriate road trip snacks.

“It’s an important decision, Y/N.” he insisted inside the grocery store, mulling over bags of chips. “If done incorrectly, this could ruin our entire trip!”

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head. “This is so stupid…” you muttered, stalking off to grab a bag of jerky, which wasn’t on Steve’s list but ultimately saved his snack collection once you were on the road.

It would be night soon, you’d have to eventually stop and rest or switch drivers. You weren’t necessarily comfortable driving at night, but Steve had insisted on driving the first shift, claiming that he wouldn’t know where you were going if he wasn’t in the front seat, with you holding the map. Jane had told you to simply take a Grey Hound bus, like she had, but you weren’t interested in sharing public space for hours, besides you’d still have to drive to the Grey Hound station, three towns over.

But watching Steve in that moment, you felt it for the first time-love. Or something like it. Him golden in the sunset, wearing a goofy smile as he sang along to the radio, his sunglasses slipping down his nose, freckles poking up from the sunlight. He looked…well stunning. His hair had deflated hours ago, his forehead caked with sweat, a light sunburn on his neck and shoulders, his shirt stained with sweat. By no means was he at his peak, but he looked so at peace behind the wheel. So long had you two been two steps away from danger, death following you everywhere, but now he looked calm and easy. Even though you were headed towards at worst a dangerous killer and at best a dead end, he looked as though you were just taking a normal summer road trip, going to his parent’s beach house for a weekend with some friends. Everything was calm and the roads were beginning to clear out, signs for motels picking up on the road signs and billboards. The danger of Hawkins miles behind you, you almost felt like you were free from it. Almost. But watching Steve, so calm and cool, you felt the anxiety constantly pulling at your heart never lessening its tight pull. You would be okay, as long as you stayed in that car, in that moment, singing along to Whitney Houston and Heart and whatever else came through the station’s playlist.

That memory, of Steve’s happy, easy expression behind the wheel of his first car, filled your heart with the same lightness it did at the time. You were certain it was just emotional memory, the same way remembering watching your parents fight on Christmas morning made your stomach churn to this day. You couldn’t push away the feeling, which made you a bit nauseous; they stayed persistent in your heart, as did the memory. That was one of the good ones from that time, before everything was going up shit’s creek on a daily basis and fear was as normal of a feeling as complacent boredom. You could count the genuinely happy and peaceful moments of those tense years on two hands.

But you wanted to make new memories, you wanted to not hate that town every time you had to go back, you didn’t want to be filled with dread as you drove past the welcome sign.

You couldn’t remember a time when you really loved Hawkins. Sure, you had some good memories there-mostly with Dustin and Heather, but other memories were smattered with happiness, usually with boyfriends and your other friends. But now those memories were tainted with the blood of those lost and the sheer terror the labs left behind. You moved to Hawkins for your mother as a safe haven, but you left in cloud of dust looking for your own. Coming home felt like you were entering shark invested waters with nothing to hold onto.

Unfortunately, driving past the sign now still filled you with the utmost dread, terror, and nauseous fear that forced you to pull off to the side of the road to throw up; your whole body pale and shaky, a thin layer of sweat and goose bumps covered your skin. You couldn’t do it.

Too bad you had to; you knew that if you didn’t show, they’d only get worried and start making calls, looking for you everywhere. So you pulled your legs back into the car, turned your body back to face the road and turning the engine back on.

Once, it clicked. Then twice. Then three times. The car wouldn’t start.

“Well, fuck…” you muttered, dropping your head onto the wheel.

470 notes · View notes

drunklander · 5 years

Text

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 405

MURTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

The end.

Y’all I haven’t fangirled about an episode of Outlander this much since season fucking one. And can I just say, I fucking missed this feeling. I missed this feeling so fucking much. Comparing this episode to the ones with all of the book dialogue awkwardly crammed in makes me really hope they start throwing the book out the window more and more, and instead just do whatever they want in order to tell a good story.

AND I JUST FUCKING LOVE MURTAGH OK!

PETITION TO LET CLAIRE HAVE FRIENDS WHO DON’T MURDER PEOPLE/GET MURDERED!

Just the mutual respect between Claire and Adawehi gives me the warm fuzzies.

Adawehi: “She is here. No, not in your heart, woman. I mean actually here. Like physically here. Yes, I know you find it comforting to think your daughter is always with you in your heart, but I’m telling you, she can also literally be with you, like in your house.” Claire: “Yeah, it’s really too bad I had to leave her, but at least she’s here in my memories...” Adawehi: “You’re killing me, lady.”

JOKING ASIDE ADAWEHI DESERVED BETTER AND I LOVE HER AND MUELLER IS THE WORST.

Gerhard, not Robert.

I love the white sow with my whole heart.

LOOKIT THESE DOMESTIC FRASERS WORRYING ABOUT HATS AND JERKY.

I’m laughing at Jamie so hard for thinking that Scots are just going to jump at the chance for free land...that ties them to the English government. Like bro, some of the Scots in North Carolina actually give a shit about what the English did to Scotland. And don’t immediately get in bed with them, (especially when it’s common knowledge that they cheat and steal from people) and become the sort of people they fought against.

It’s like Jamie and Claire were like hmmm, our only two options are to move to Boston where we’ll be right in the middle of the revolution or become the colonizing/occupying force we fought against in Scotland. And the rest of the Scots are like nah, bro.

OH HEY JAMIE, WHY YA TAKIN’ THAT CANDLESTICK?! TO GET A RING MADE PERHAPS??? *fangirling intensifies*

“I love bacon.” Same, Young Ian. So much same.

Lady Boner for Frontier!Beauchamp.

Oooh, we’re doing Jamie’s visions are we?

I really do appreciate them doing damage control after last season including Jamie thinking of Bree this season. And I love how ever since Claire came back to Jamie, Bree is still a constant presence in her life. And she continues to live with the cost of her choice to return to Jamie.

Y’all Claire lost her parents. She left Uncle Lamb when she got married. She lost Frank woohoo! when she went through the stones. She lost Jamie after Culloden. And she lost Bree when she went back to Jamie. She’s never really had all of the people who are important to her with her all at the same time. AND IN A COUPLE OF EPISODES SHE WILL AND I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT! I SHIP CLAIRE AND HAPPINESS AND SHE WON’T FULLY HAVE THAT UNTIL HER WHOLE FAMILY IS TOGETHER AND GUYS I HAVE FEELINGS.

Nice hat, Roger MacSeedot.

Miss Baird: “I can see she broke your heart.” Me: *recaps the last couple episodes* Miss Baird: “Actually, she’s better off without you. You’re kind of the worst. Good day to you MacSeedot. I SAID GOOD DAY.

Just noticed that this pic that was tweeted about Wilmington is actually Woolam’s Creek. Lulz.

Ok is this lady flirting with Jamie only supposed to be setting up him telling Bree that he’s a married man? Or else, like, what’s the point? We know Jamie’s not going to cheat on Claire? If this is supposed to be like the Mme Jeanne fake out then hard pass, show.

“That’s a very impressive offer. But you see, the English fucked up our country. Our families. Our lives. And now they cheat and steal from us here, all the way across an ocean. Rent or no rent, I still have my principles.”

“Did six farmers just refuse the offer of land given without charge?” “There’s no sense in it. Except that it makes them obliged to the English and, you know, as Scots we sort of don’t like them very much. So really I have no clue why they’d turn me down.”

Yo, I fucking love this change, tbh. Jamie’s a dumbass, but I’ve thought that about show!Jamie for a minute now so... Bahahaha. Bro. Rock on, farmers.

“Savages! They steal our water for their horses!” Y’all Mueller is the literal worst. But him being fucking awful, doesn’t mean Jamie and Claire are off the hook for also being fucking colonizers.

But seriously. Gerhard. You are a fucking monster.

“They have no reason to set foot on MY land!” Fuck ALL the way off, bruh.

Claire’s like “Please! I know they’re the literal worst and you’re literally just watering your horses on your own damn land, but please change your behavior to accommodate a racist af colonizer!” Which like, good on her for trying to deescalate the situation, but putting it on the wronged party to change to accommodate the white aggressor still isn’t a good look.

“Water belongs to no one.” Y’all this show claims not to be political, but making this conflict about water is relevant as fuck to the present. (For those who don’t click through to what I link, that’s a profile of the Standing Rock water protectors.)

This episode is really doing a lot to try to frame the Frasers as “good” colonizers. (Look! They make friends with their Cherokee neighbors whose land they’ve stolen! They’re trying to learn the Cherokee language! They respect the knowledge of Adawehi! They know Cherokee customs!) And the Muellers as “bad�� colonizers. (This is our land! They shouldn’t be here! Fuck what they’re actually doing, I think they’re cursing us and therefore must murder their witch!) But show, let’s be real. Just like the “benevolent slave owner” is bullshit, the “good” colonizer is also bullshit.

Gerhard Mueller is an unforgivable piece of shit, but that doesn’t mean the Frasers are in the right.

Rollo the body guard is adorable and I 100% want a blooper reel of just him fucking up and Balfe being like OMFG DOG.

Claire tiredly flopping onto the bed is A FUCKING MOOD.

Y’all the Leoch music as Claire does the homestead chores gives me so many feelings. It meant she was starting to feel at home in Jamie’s time and is now signifying her being at home in the place they built together AND I JUST WANT MY BABY TO BE HAPPY OK.

For real though, I fucking love the white sow.

White Sow/Clarence 2020

Claire nudging Rollo out of her food is relatable af. *side eyes my cat*

Claire’s “good morning, ladies!” to the goats is my fucking everything. Also, pretty sure one of the goats is named Persephone and the person who posted this just didn’t know how to spell that. High five for animal name twins! I should get my cat a goat friend...

Claire drinking and being like oh this is gross and then drinking more anyway is also A Mood.

“’Tis my land after all.” Jamie says it in relation to the English. Mueller says it in relation to the Cherokee. Again trying to show a difference between the two, but *looks directly into the camera.*

MURTAGH MOTHERFUCKING FITZGIBBONS FRASER Y’ALL

Lol, I love that in the closed captions, Murtagh’s lines are noted as “Smith” before he turns around. Like we don’t recognized that crotchety voice.

Y’ALL I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY THAT MURTAGH IS BACK.

Oh look, rando flirty woman is back. *hums Say No to This to self*

OMG THE LOOK ON MURTAGH’S FACE WHEN HE HEARS JAMIE’S VOICE IS LIKE THE SAME FACE THAT JAMIE MADE WHEN HE HEARD CLAIRE’S IN THE PRINT SHOP AND I AM SO FULL OF FEELINGS YOU GUYS

YES, HUG IT OUT, GUYS! *JOINS IN THE GROUP HUG FROM MY COUCH* I’M JUST SO HAPPY.

"I’m sorry. Citronella died. They got measles, but at least there were no mosquitoes.”

Gerhard Mueller is totally the sort of person who would shoot up a mosque or synagogue because of some bullshit, racist 4chan conspiracy theory. Entitled white men haven’t evolved at all in the last 200 years...

Yas, Claire, work that gun...

(gif source)

The way Jamie’s face lights up when Murtagh says he can do a bit of silversmithing though.

Y’ALL MURTAGH IS TOTALLY GONNA MAKE CLAIRE’S NEW RING AND THAT ANON I GOT TOTALLY CALLED IT AND I AM 1000% HERE FOR IT OMG YAAAS, SHOW, YAAAS.

Murtagh’s face when he thinks Jamie remarried is amazing. And Jamie sending Young Ian away when Murtagh asks if he married again is hilarious because like “Dude, please don’t blow up my spot about Laoghaire when I haven’t been able to fanboy with my godfather about my time traveling wife yet. And I need to fanboy about my time traveling wife with her literal #1 fan.”

*waits impatiently for Murtagh’s reaction to the Laoghaire marriage news*

For real, his reaction to that is going to be fucking aaaaaaaAAAHMAZINGGGG.

Y’ALL I WANT A CEBRF FANDOM WAR BETWEEN MURTAGH AND YOUNG IAN OVER WHO STANS CLAIRE MORE. “I regularly put my hands in other people’s body cavities for her!” “I’ve been stanning her for twice as long as you’ve been alive, laddie!”

THE CLAIRE ELIZABETH BEAUCHAMP FAN CLUB’S FOUNDING MEMBER IS BACK AND YOUNG IAN BETTER RECOGNIZE.

LOOK AT HIS FACE WHEN JAMIE SAYS THAT CLAIRE CAME BACK! AND HE FUCKING *KNOWS* WHAT THAT MEANS! HE FUCKING PRAYED FOR HER AND HER BABY FOR YEARS AND TO KNOW SHE’S SAFE AND BACK WITH JAMIE AND HIS SHIP REALLY IS ENDGAME AND I’M JUST SO FULL OF HAPPINESS.

Da!Jamie bragging about his kid is endearing afffffffff.

*again side eyes how she was treated in ep. 306*

Ok, but I love that Murtagh doesn’t just like up and change his whole life to rejoin Jamie. It’s been a long time. He has his life. He loves Jame and he loves Claire, but just like they had changed, so has Murtz.

“We’ve had trouble finding tenants.” “Yeah, no shit. Come, Jamie, let me school you.”

Murtagh in a kilt and bonnet while Jamie is in breeks and a tricorn. Murtagh rousing the Scots against the thievery of the English and Jamie trying to get them to become indebted to the English. Which one is truly keeping the spirit of Scotland alive in North Carolina?

I’d bet money that the piece of tartan Murtagh has pinned over his heart is the same piece he’s had with him since Ardsmuir.

Mueller can fuck all the way off with his “we deserve to live because we believe in God” crap.

It *is* their land you fucking piece of shit.

The scene with Mueller when he brings Claire Adawehi’s scalp got me so fucking heated because there are so many white men in this country today who share the same/very similar beliefs to him in regards to various minority groups or people they see as “Other.” Fuck each and every one of those men.

Claire’s funeral for Adawehi is very moving though.

#AdawehiDeservedBetter

You brought this on yourself, Herr Mueller. Good riddance.

But Frau Mueller, yet another woman who is the collateral damage of the shitty actions of men.

Rollo is the least intimidating guard dog ever.

HE REMEMBERS HER SONG AND IT’S LIKE THEIR LITTLE INSIDE JOKE AND HE DOES HIS LITTLE DANCE AND HER FACE AND HIS FACE AND GUYS I AM SO FULL OF FEELINGS AND I LOVE THE TWO OF THEM SO MUCH AND GUYS I AM SO EXCITED FOR MURTAGH TO BE AGGRESSIVELY #TEAMCLAIRE WHEN HE FINDS OUT ABOUT LAOGHAIRE AND FOR HIM TO MEET BREE AND EVEN FOR HIM TO MEET WILLIE AND GUYS THEY SAVED MURTAGH AND I LOVE MURTAGH AND YOU DID A GOOD THING, SHOW.

Ok the letter that Bree left for Roger makes him look even worse for going after her tbh. Like he wasn’t supposed to see it for a year and it was like clearly an “open if I’m dead” thing so like he knows she clearly is intending to come back. But instead of listening to her, he off and does what he thinks is right instead. Which means he’s learned *nothing* since the proposal. Fuck that guy.

Roger really is Frank. He wants a marriage like Frank and Claire had pre-stones. Where it's all about him and what he wants to do and the wife is just along to support him in that endeavor. *gestures at episode 101* Between reading the books again and watching this season, Roger really is the worst and I don't think the show will do anything that comes close to redeeming him since *gestures at how they wrote Jamie last season* so at this point I ship Bree with her damn self. She doesn't need a man to live her fullest life. Especially one like fucking Roger.

Bree is too good for Roger and this is the hill I will die on.

But y’all! Bree’s gonna get to be with her mom again! And meet Jamie! And look hot af in period clothes! AND MEET MURTAGH!

*focuses aggressively on that instead of Rape and Rogergate*

GUYS MURTAGH IS BACK!!!!!!!!!

#*#outlander starz #outlander 4x05 #drunj!der yells about outlander

71 notes · View notes

kpoptionate · 6 years

Text

got7 ➾ boyfriend!yugyeom

got7 masterlist // official masterlist

08.03.18

requested: anon: hello, if you’re not too busy with the other requests and you have time can you please write the boyfriend yugyeom au? thank you i hope you enjoy your day !

a/n: i’m sorry it took so long, but here it is ! i hope you enjoy it, thank you for requesting <3

mark // jaebum // jackson // jinyoung // youngjae // bambam

______________________________

there are like. no. good yugyeom gifs. i’m suing

k i m y u g y e o m

sdufhjidfs

this boi makes me feel so many emotions

so you hung out with the guys p often

you were good friends with them

but ot6 friends

bc one of them always ignored you

you thought he hated you or something

like every time you walked in everyone was like “hey y/n !” but he was like “haha no”

so you kinda just had to make do with what you had

on his side of the story, he was just too nervous to be around you and didn’t want to sit there and look awkward

whenever you asked one of the guys what was up they just kinda laughed it off which was kinda suspicious

so they always tried to get him to talk to you but the boy’s stubborn

eventually bambam just told you

like “hey yugyeom’s got like the biggest crush on you btw”

i can imagine that in his accent uWU but this isn’t about bam

so he went up to yugs and he was like “hey i told them btw”

and yugyeom’s just

fucked

so he ignored you even moreeee

like you didn’t see him at all for at least a week or two

you’d had enough

you caught yug in the practice room and he tried to skrt skrt outta that bitch but you were like “hol up hol up hol up mister”

and you sat down like a parent and talked to him about his behavior

he tried to keep quiet but he eventually broke and just spilled everything out

“truthisy/niactuallyreallylikeyoubuti’mtooshytostayaroundyouidon’thateyouicouldneveri’mjusttooafraidofembarassingmysel—”

surprise surprise you cut him off

with

kiss !!!11!!1!

when you pulled away he was blushing

and you were blushing

and you were all like i like you too yugyeom

then y’all kinda just . . .

stood there . . .

awkwardly smiling at each other . . .

bc neither of you knew what to say

then he just burts out with

“cANIBEYOURBOYFRIENDPLEASEI’LLTREATYOULIKEAQUEEN/KING”

and you nodded

like yes treat me like the queen i am

after a moment he wrapped you in a bear hug and gently shook from side to side

he had that smile™ on his face

and went “nhnnhnnnhnnn” in a cute voice

he’s adorable

que the guys squealing behind the door like children

okay that was the worst thing i’ve ever written, let’s move on to something better please

loves kisses !!

l o v e s !!!!!11!!1!1!11

also loves cuddles !!

l o v e s !!!!!11!!1!1!11

he could do it all day

especially if you’re smol, he loves engulfing your body

whether you’re smol or not you’re gonna get engulfed tbh

obv prefers being the big spoon

wrapping his arms around your shoulder or waist

and depending on that his head will either be on your head or shoulder

also likes your head on his chest

or his head on your chest

or lap

or stomach

just likes touching you in general

while he’s lying down he likes playing with your fingers

and kissing them

sometimes licks them too ? like a cat

calls you things like sweet cheeks and snookums

gets extremely embarrassed but lowkey loves it when you use pet names around the guys

like “i love you my gyeomie bear” or sumn stab me please

y’all are so fucking cringey it hurts

dates with him include going to walmart and sitting in the basket of big ass teddy bears

you know those videos of people pushing other people in the shopping carts and they end up running into something and falling over and knocking the whole stand down

that’s you two

piggyback rides down the road with ice cream cones dripping on each other but it’s okay bc you can shower together later

him pushing you off the swings then getting scared that he actually hurt you

fancy dates aren’t really a thing with him ? he’s p casual

shoe shopping ?

i feel like he just really likes buying you shoes

also jewelry

he’s kinda specific

loves it when you wear his clothes

mainly his sweatshirts like is that even a question literally nobody asked but okay

also thinks it’s super cute when you walk around in his shoes like a little kid ? like you bust alllllll his uwus

likes staying at home to watch dramas

we all know he loves them

it’s his second favorite thing to do

you being the first ;)

anywho

he loves just chilling at the dorms with you all day binging dramas

usually the guys come in and join y’all which kinda bothers him bc ??

they’re always ?? all over you ?? he just wants time by himself dammit

onto that note

he doesn’t get jealous v much, but sometimes the guys get too touchy

‘specially bambam and jackson

like he trusts him and all but he should be the only one allowed to touch you, yknow ?

not that bam or jackson touch you inappropriately

just that when you cuddle with them he wishes he was the one you were cuddling with

so he’ll get all pouty and sit by himself in a corner until you come collect him

like you can literally almost see a rain cloud above his head oml poor baby

definitely gets a puppy with you at some point

like even if you don’t really want to bc he’s already a big one

if yugyeom was a dog he’d be clifford no other species

he would probably pay attention to it more than you tbh

he thinks it’s cute when you get jealous

but makes up for it with kisses and stuff

ima try to keep this short since i always get too excited at this part and make it too long so i have nothing else to write bc it’s all in my boyfriend!aus bUT

okay so he likes to cup your face when he kisses you

and moves his hands around to the back of your head and run his fingers through your hair as he brings you closer

comes off as a little submissive at first

like whimpers when you pull his hair softly ?

or when you bite his bottom lip and slip your tongue past them

but lemme tell you hun he’ll end that shit real quick

carrying you up to the bedroom and flopping you down on the sheets and crawling on top of you

as the kisses start to become more passionate he’ll press his body closer and closer to you

and when you raise your hips up to him he’ll buck down on you

i’m telling you this boy can get you off quick even just grinding

like i know you’ve seen the way he moves them hips boiii

can you just i m a g i n e oh my god

he’ll drag his hands up your shirt and take it off in one swift motion

trailing kisses and leaving marks from your neck down to your waist

this boi

knows™

how to use his mouth

like holding your thighs down as he relentlessly goes down on you

again, loves it when you grab him by his hair to push his head closer

“you’re getting so unraveled with just my tongue, do you really think you can handle my cock ?”

i’m so sorry i’m bad at dirty talk askfksksjsksjks

when he actually goes down on you

bOIIIIIIIII

again, hips

he rolls them

he’ll try to kiss you but he’s moaning too much

i feel like he whines and whimpers a lot ? not in a submissive way but just

jdkhsakjfhds

y’all probably go at it for a whileeeeeeee

like til you can’t move your legs anymore so you have no choice but to stop

afterwards he’ll brush the hair out of your eyes as he picks you up to the bathtub to give you a little bath

which may or may not result in picking back up again oops

overall he’s a cute childish lil dude

he loves you, he does

tbh you’re probably one of his first serious relationships since he’s so young and he’s been in the industry since he was a teenager sooo

take care of him please ! he trusts you won’t mess it up

406 notes · View notes

kittywolves · 5 years

Note

1-200 if you want lmao If not then just your favourites

200: My crush’s name is: don’t have one tbh, not romantically anyway

199: I was born in: west virginia, 2000

198: I am really: dumb

197: My cellphone company is: idk man

196: My eye color is: blue w/yellow bursts but they just appear green if you’re not super close

195: My shoe size is: 7+1/2-8

194: My ring size is: 7+1/2-8

193: My height is: 5′5″

192: I am allergic to: sesame :T

191: My 1st car was: N/A

190: My 1st job was: N/A

189: Last book you read: uh, Percy Jackson? i think

188: My bed is: warm, cozy, full of plushies & cat fur

187: My pet: CALCIFER!!!

186: My best friend: uh,, i don’t have one?

185: My favorite shampoo is: idk fruity scents that aren’t watermelon

184: Xbox or ps3: PS3

183: Piggy banks are: cute or terrifying, no in-between

182: In my pockets: my phone

181: On my calendar: birthdays

180: Marriage is: cute

179: Spongebob can: CAN SPONGEBOB FINALLY END PLEASE

178: My mom: can go die

177: The last three songs I bought were? uhh, i haven’t bought any songs,,

176: Last YouTube video watched: DrawingWiffWaffles newest video

175: How many cousins do you have? 1

174: Do you have any siblings? yes, 2 alive 1 dead

173: Are your parents divorced? no,,

172: Are you taller than your mom? around the same height

171: Do you play an instrument? no, but i wish i could play the harp tbh

170: What did you do yesterday? uh, i went shopping with my mother and then watched Futurama

[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: ? i dunno anymore

168: Luck: i guess so, yea

167: Fate: yea

166: Yourself: no

165: Aliens: YES

164: Heaven: yea

163: Hell: yea

162: God: ? yea?

161: Horoscopes: not really

160: Soul mates: YESSSSS

159: Ghosts: yep!!

158: Gay Marriage: %100

157: War: no >:(

156: Orbs: what

155: Magic: yep!!

[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs pls

153: Drunk or High: never been either, both sound fun

152: Phone or Online: usually use my phone tbh

151: Red heads or Black haired: all are adorable!!

150: Blondes or Brunettes: a d o r a b l e ! !

149: Hot or cold: uhm, comfortable warm,,

148: Summer or winter: SUMMER

147: Autumn or Spring: HALLOWEEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

146: Chocolate or vanilla: CHOCOLATE

145: Night or Day: NIGHTTIME

144: Oranges or Apples: apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: both are great!! i have slightly wavy hair uwu

142: McDonalds or Burger King: neither >:(

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: MILK PLS

140: Mac or PC: um, idc

139: Flip flops or high heels: F L I P F L O P S

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: SWEET AND POOR PLS GIVE ME A KIND BAB TO LOVE @ UNIVERSE

137: Coke or Pepsi: coke !!

136: Hillary or Obama: obama!!

135: Buried or cremated: cremated so i can’t come back :’)

134: Singing or Dancing: i can’t do either :(

133: Coach or Chanel: ugh, coach ig

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who or who

131: Small town or Big city: i live in a city, but a town sounds nice tbh

130: Wal-Mart or Target: TARGET

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: what

128: Manicure or Pedicure: PEDICURE PEDICURE PEDICURE

127: East Coast or West Coast: i live on the west, so west

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: MY BIRTHDAY BC I GET TO PICK THE THEME !!!

125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers die and give off the aesthetic but chocolates are delicious so both

124: Disney or Six Flags: i love disneyland it’s just SO EXPENSIVE and six flags is gr8 for the thrills, plus i currently have a pass so

123: Yankees or Red Sox: who? which sport is this[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: blehhhh no

121: George Bush: idk american presidents lmao

120: Gay Marriage: YES YES YES YES YES YES

119: The presidential election: ew

118: Abortion: i’ll allow it lmao, i don’t think it’s great, but ik people will still get it whether it’s legal or not so might as well legalize it. also some cases actually need it so like,, yea!! let it happen!! pro-choice!!

117: MySpace: never used it lmao

116: Reality TV: ew ew ew ew EXCEPT FOR COOKING SHOWS

115: Parents: mine or just in general? bc eh

114: Back stabbers: M U R D E R T H E M 113: Ebay: lmao shipping expenses

112: Facebook: haven’t used it in years, do use messenger tho

111: Work: i like wedding coordinating with my aunt!! that’s about all the work i’ve done, oh and i’ve babysat

110: My Neighbors: don’t know em, they probably think we’re crazy tho, always yelling

109: Gas Prices: too!! high!!

108: Designer Clothes: eh, clothes are clothes, and some clothes are ugly (a lot of times it’s designer clothes blehh)

107: College: i mean i guess

106: Sports: go team! hit the ball! score the points! woo

105: My family: dysfunctional,,

104: The future: nooooooooooooooooooo

[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: uhhhhh....

102: Last time you ate: uhm, around 4?? maybe?? it’s 7 now

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: uh?? i never see anyone OH i guess on wednesday last week,,

100: Cried in front of someone: ???? idk??? i cry while everyone’s asleep usually

99: Went to a movie theater: last week !! um, thursday?

98: Took a vacation: uhh, february, early march? i went to ohio

97: Swam in a pool: uh, last monday

96: Changed a diaper: um, not this year lmao, maybe last year tho idk

95: Got my nails done: ???? i dunno

94: Went to a wedding: last november?? or wait no,, uhm i dunno sometime recently lmao

93: Broke a bone: never! did drop one in water tho :/

92: Got a piercing: december!

91: Broke the law: ?? i don’t wear seatbelts when i sit in the back seat lmao

90: Texted: around two hours ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: um,, my friends

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: MY KITTY BABY

87: The last movie I saw: missing link! the stop motion- i’m a wh*re for animation lmao

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: changing my name, moving out, getting married & having a stable life :’)

85: The thing im not looking forward to: being stuck here forever and eventually kmsing due to stress and depression :’)

84: People call me: Kitty!! Kiki!! (birth name) karebear!!

83: The most difficult thing to do is: exist within the same room as my mother without bursting into tears or storming off

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: Virgo! Viriborn for all you homestucks! and dragon in the animal one!

80: The first person i talked to today was: my dad :’) and then i messaged @deanilise even tho she was asleep

79: First time you had a crush: uh, as far back as i can remember i had a “crush” on Daphne Blake :D but i was like a small child and didn’t know what love was so anytime i saw anyone who i thought was cool or pretty or i wanted to befriend i had a supposed “crush” on them :/

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: i try to be pretty open, but sometimes i just wanna close off

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yikes idk

76: Right now I am talking to: like talking to or talking to? for the first, just some group chats for the second, no one

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: i wanna be an artist! i would love to be a youtube artist, but i fear i’m not creative enough for such things.. i would also like to be able to tell my stories!

74: I have/will get a job: i dunno,,

73: Tomorrow: church

72: Today: overslept, did some chores, been online

71: Next Summer: hopefully i can go back to colorado to visit my brother !

70: Next Weekend: ugh, church activities & then actual church, as well as other easter festivities

69: I have these pets: baby kitty, and some dogs....

68: The worst sound in the world: FORK SCRAPING ON BOWL, ERASER SCRAPING ON PAPER, DOG’S SNORING, MY MOTHER’S VOICE WHEN I’M HAVING SENSORY OVERLOAD

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my mother, she’s like the only person that makes me cry unless someone says they’re attempting and i can’t get through to them

66: People that make you happy: @onedirtysock @aliaitee @deku-is-tired @deanilise @awkward-scarfy-boi @fourth-best-jeanist @bnhaworld @bnhya @helloiliketits @trashyfxndoms

65: Last time I cried: last night oops

64: My friends are: (see 66) they’re all very nice & supportive which is amazing & i love them all dearly

63: My computer is: a MacBook air with a galaxy cover

62: My School: not in one but the one i’m gonna go to in the fall is just a community college

61: My Car: N/A

60: I lose all respect for people who: hate on anyone, racists, homophobes, transphobes, pedos, terfs, ableists, etc

59: The movie I cried at was: uh, i dunno, but i was crying abt futurama the other night

58: Your hair color is: orange-y with dark brown roots, supposed to be dyeing it soon :)

57: TV shows you watch: BNHA, HIMYM, Bob’s Burgers, TUA w/ @deanilise Futurama, The Simpsons, Fairytail, Runaway’s, Adventure Time, SVTFOE, etc

56: Favorite web site: Tumblr!

55: Your dream vacation: Ireland,, ofc i always dreamed of going to paris when i was younger, and Britain sounds cool too, & i’ve heard belgium is pretty && japan sounds fun && new york city sounds super cool as well so idk any of those places ig

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: uh, probably when i broke my arm, although i can’t remember it, i did used to get growing pains in my legs when i was younger & could hardly sleep so there’s that option as well

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium-well

52: My room is: messy, but it’s home & also warm

51: My favorite celebrity is: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i dunno

50: Where would you like to be: idk, in my bed ig

49: Do you want children: yea! i wanna adopt!

48: Ever been in love: uh, i thought i was, but it was just an intense crush on this girl lmao

47: Who’s your best friend: already answered this lmao

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls,,

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: laughing, music, & seeing my friends

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: any of y’all would be great tbh

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: survive

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: lmao no,

41: Have you pre-named your children: uh, i have names picked out that i like, but idk depends how young my kid is when i adopt them, and even then idk if i could bring myself to change their name uwu

40: Last person I got mad at: my mother,,

39: I would like to move to: IRELAND OR SOMETHING I DUNNO I WANT OUT OF THIS GODFORSAKEN COUNTRY

38: I wish I was a professional: artist!! youtube maybe!![ My Favorites ]37: Candy: hmm, i like smarties, m&ms, gummy bears, & sweetarts

36: Vehicle: uhh, vw beetles? WAIT NO JEEP WRANGLERS I THINK

35: President: uh idk

34: State visited: the one i live in lmao, California :)

33: Cellphone provider: idk a lot about them

32: Athlete: N/A

31: Actor: eeeeeeee

30: Actress: eeeeeeee

29: Singer: Case! Patrick Stump!

28: Band: FALL OUT BOYYYYYYYYYYY

27: Clothing store: Hottopic

26: Grocery store: N/A

25: TV show: Arrow! Adventure Time! (ripip) i haven’t seen Arrow in a long time tho so idk if it’s still any good...

24: Movie: Heathers!!

23: Website: Tumblr,,

22: Animal: CATS

21: Theme park: DisneyLand! it’s just sooooooooo expensive ;-;

20: Holiday: HALLOWEEN

19: Sport to watch: Soccer!!

18: Sport to play: none

17: Magazine: i don’t read them

16: Book: The Hunger Games

15: Day of the week: probably friday or saturday

14: Beach: uh, maybe seal? or hermosa?

13: Concert attended: i’ve been to exactly one (1) and i didn’t enjoy it bc it was for Ariana Grande

12: Thing to cook: well you don’t cook them but, COOKIES!!

11: Food: Ice Cream!! Burgers!! Mashed Potatoes !!

10: Restaurant: In-N-Out probably

9: Radio station: 98.7 alt radio

8: Yankee candle scent: uh i dunno

7: Perfume: Vanilla Bean Noelle from bbw

6: Flower: daffodils

5: Color: pink! purple! green!

4: Talk show host: no

3: Comedian: Bo Burnham or John Mulaney

2: Dog breed: Retrievers !

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yes!

here’s my baby for reference & for putting up with all that

#kitty answers #200 asks #deku-is-tired #calcifer

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rosytteok · 5 years

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50 questions tag.✍🏻

tagged by the sweetest human ever;; @stuipdgirlxbtsx ily bud ty💞‼️

1. What takes up too much of your time?

lmaooo school, schoolwork, homework. anything related to school.

2. What makes your day better?

To be honest, scrolling through tumblr, laughing, talking to mutuals, writing when I’m very inspired. basically a lot of things make my day.

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today?

My mom brought me my nana’s soup and other goodies for lunch and I was THRIVING!!!

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

Maybe Hogwarts, P.K Academy, Ouran Academy(even though I’m poor as fuck) and that would be it.

5. Are you good at giving advice?

I think I am??? Sometimes in certain topics I can really let loose and advise someone from experience or from what I’ve been taught growing up.

6. Do you have any mental illnesses?

None at all.

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

Nope.

8. What musicians inspired you the most?

Hm, Freddie Mercury(or Queen as a whole), BTS, and many others.

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

Yup.

10. What’s your dream date?

Nothing special nor fancy either—prolly something like going out to talk or eat fast food or ice cream. maybe a simple movie date.

11. What do others notice about you?

I have no idea lol. Probably like my face, mostly my eyes I think.

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

For me, since I bite the insides of my lips a lot, I find it annoying cuz I wanna stop but I just can’t??? ugh skskskks.

13. Do you still talk to you first love?

Never have had a bf. So no, I don’t even know where the hell my first crush at kdkdkdk.

14. How many exes do you have?

None.

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

A. Whole. Freakin’. Lot.

16. What instruments can you play?

None lmaooo but I’d love to learn how to play the piano, or the guitar.

17. What do you have the most pictures of?

Probably most kpop/bts related pics or pics of me lmao.

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

Truly...I’d love to travel the world but places like Italy, Japan, Korea, Thailand, Spain, France, etc. They really catch my attention so maybe one of those, hopefully, in the near future.

19. What is your zodiac?

Gemini.

20. Do you relate to it?

Sometimes I do, not frequently though. I just think back on a Gemini’s attributes and characteristics and be like: “oh! maybe that’s why I’m like this.” but then poof. I don’t pay them much attention.

21. What is happiness to you?

The people that surround you. Your loved ones, precisely. Family and friends to me are happiness. Also, my hobbies and interests. Like dancing, listening to music, and writing.

22. Are you going through anything right now?

Stress. Lots of finals to be done and I’m s t r e s s e d. But I’m managing.

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made?

No idea. Currently, can’t remember any.

24. What’s your favorite store?

I normally dislike shopping so I don’t know. Maybe somewhere with a makeup aisle, or like beauty related stuff kdksksk.

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

(yikes oh god) although the thought of killing an innocent human being disgusts me, if it’s the product of some sort of sexual abuse then, if the female feels uncomfortable having the child since it may remind her of the assailant and/or the memory, it’s her choice to abort or not. Now, if the child were to be a mistake made by reckless behavior or malfunctions(?) on behalf of the pill or condom, then I believe the baby should certainly not be killed. Just because you didn’t plan it or if it was a mindless error it’s not the child’s fault. They shouldn’t be immorally punished.

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

Nope.

27. Do you have a favorite album?

Not precisely. Since I mostly listen to just some songs from a certain album and not like the whole thing, I can’t say. Maybe MOTS: Persona??? Idk man kdksksk.

28. What do want for your birthday?

Makeup maybe??? Money??? the MOTS: Persona album?? A vacation??? I have a lot of things in mind ksksk.

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

Can’t say, really. Prolly that I’m a saint with no sense of dark humor. Like a nun maybe. Lmaoooo skskks.

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

17-20 ksksks.

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

If it’s charging then, it’s on a table in front of the foot of my bed, sitting on top of a Bluetooth speaker. If it’s already charged then it’s in my purse.

32. What word do you say the most?

Somethings like: “uwu”, “hot”, “cute”, “baby”, “lmao”, “look—bye.”, “what the fock.”, “specimen” (weird selection, right? lsksksk.)

33. What’s the oldest date you would date?

Max one to two years older than me. MAX. M A X. I can’t go any higher than that, sorry fellas.

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

This is going to sound so stupid but again, max a few months younger. I stand being like years older than a guy. It’s just not in my persona.

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

God forbid but, a teacher. Especifically, an English teacher or like a Science teacher. I’m shaking but God, no.

36. What’s your favorite music genre?

Pop, rock, kpop, and a little bit of R&B on the side.

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

Hm, maybe just America or Canada. Although, I like other countries, I don’t feel like I’d be ready to live in a foreign country yet skskks.

38. What is you current favorite song?

Killer Queen by Queen, bad guy or COPYCAT by Billie Eilish.

39. How long have you had this blog for?

No freaking idea. Maybe for like a year now? Two maybe soon? This blog initially wasn’t planned ksksks it just came out of nowhere but I’m glad now that I made it.

40. What are you excited for?

My birthday and summer vacation.

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

A mix of both. Sometimes when I don’t know what to say, i just lend my ears all the way. But when I do, the words flow through as I advise skskks.

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

Do the dishes later today skskks.

43. What do you want for Christmas?

A miracle sent from Heaven and makeup(maybe??? Or like an album possibly??? Too soon to tell y’all).

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

Not to FLEX but honestly, all of them. Although, English is my forte (it has been since I was little) and I always get the highest grade rank in my class.

45. On a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

A pretty chill 9.

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

Studying hard on what I love, cramming for exams in some dorm late at night. Maybe even finishing my dream. Living the stressful life that is college skskskks.

47. When did you get your first heartbreak?

Never have gotten one lol.

48. What age do you want to get married?

I truly do not want to get HUSBAND UP but who knows??? Maybe in my early to middle twenties??? I don’t know since I haven’t put much thought into it.

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

I remember like wanting to be a model, singer or like an actress or fashion designer.

50. What do you crave right now?

For school to hurry up and end, something sweet, and a good fucking nights’ rest skskks.

this took so much skskksks anyway,,,,I’m tired so imma post this and chill.🤟🏻

💌;; @gukgalore @palepinksuga @carry-on-my-wayward-bts (not an obligation since i know it’s a pretty long tag)

#me #tagged #tags💌

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sadienita · 5 years

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50 Questions Tag

Tagged by @thisisgospelofthehorizon (thank you!! also did you tag me as a favourite mutual I love you)

1. What takes up too much of your time? Day dreaming

2. What makes your day better? Actually being productive and getting stuff done

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? The day just started so I’m not sure what the best part will be but I do always love my walk to work

4. What fictional place would you like to go? Hogwarts, but for a like a week before it gets crazy

5. Are you good at giving advice? For the most part

6. Do you have any mental illness? Depression and anxiety come by from time to time

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? Yes, it’s scary

8. What musician inspired you the most? Probably Josh Ramsey of Marianas Trench

9. Have you ever fallen in love? I’ve loved but I’ve not been loved, sometimes you meet a good person at the wrong time

10. What’s your dream date? Honestly, just relaxing together and talking about something. If I like you I just want to spend time with you

11. What do others notice about you? I get told I’m articulate which I feel like I’m not but maybe my speech is just more of a mess the more comfortable I am

12. What is the annoying habit you have? I smile when I’m nervous which makes people think I’m not taking things seriously.

13. Do you still talk to your first love? Only if we run into each other around town.

14. How many ex’s do you have? 2-ish (one was like a middle school relationship so doesn’t really count)

15. How many songs are on your playlist? The kpop recommendations one I’m working on has 633 songs save me

16. What instruments can you play? I can play chords on the guitar, and I can play an easy melody on piano. I’m very proficient on fife, tin whistle, piccolo, and flute, my undergrad is in music.

17. Who do you have the most pictures of? I just realized how many pictures I have of Choi Seungcheol

18. Where would you like to go before you die? Nowhere in particular, maybe just see more of the world.

19. What is your zodiac? I’m an Aries sun with a Scorpio moon and I think that tells you everything you need to know about me.

20. Do you relate to it? I mean like I mostly take it as fun but some days I get really called out by my horoscope.

21. What is happiness to you? Just feeling mostly content and at peace

22. Are you going through anything right now? Of course, I’m always going through something, everyone is.

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? Not putting in enough effort to things as a kid/teen.

24. What’s your favorite store? I buy a lot from Bluenotes and The Body Shop.

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? Pro-choice, I can’t decide that for someone else.

26. Do you keep a bucket list? A mental one, but not written down

27. Do you have a favorite album at the moment? Probably like GFriend’s 5th mini I’ve been listening to is a lot

28. What do you want for your birthday? To get the job I applied for

29. What are most people’s first impression of you? Probably that I seem nice.

30. What age do you seem according to most people? I get mistaken for a high schooler because of my face but based on personality people tend to think I’m closer to my mid 20s

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? Turned off on my desk.

32. What word do you say the most? Y’all

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? I don’t had a hard upper limit but after like 5 years out it probably gets less likely.

34. What’s the youngest age you would date? 2 years, in fact my little brother is like my hard cut off. If the person is younger than him it’s probably not happening

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? People seem to have faith in the teaching thing, but I’ve been told I’m destined for more so hey, who knows

36. What’s your favorite music genre? Ahhh I don’t have a favourite

37. If you could live in any country in the world where would it be? Long term, Canada but short term I wanna travel

38. What is your current favorite song? Outro: Wings by BTS

39. How long have you had this blog for? Since 2012, so a while

40. What are you excited for? Maybe going to a new country in the fall, fingers crossed

41. Are you a better talker or listener? I don’t know, I think I’m good at both.

42. What is the last productive thing you did? Worked yesterday

43. What do you want for Christmas? More Kpop albums

44. What class do you get the best grades in? Uhhh my classes are weird now. In my undergrad I did the best in music theory

45. On a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now? Like an 8 probably

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years? Yo hopefully married with kids

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? Like sort of 13, but really at 20.

48. At what age do you want to get married? mid to late 20s

49. What career did you want to have as a child? A teacher

50. What do you crave now? Summer my gosh, I want winter to end

Cool cool cool imma tag @nervousatthenightclub @icecreamistheelixroflife and @flyingsculptures have fun

#okay I should go to work #tag games #about me

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formerlyjannafaye · 6 years

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100 Questions

I was tagged by @janes-mike and @el-and-hop and @caseyk112 like 100 years ago and I just finished it now! Oops.

1. What is your nickname? Janaynay, Fayzers, Jan

2. How old are you? 31

3. What is your birth month? February

4. What is your zodiac sign? Aquarius

5. What is your favorite color? Rainbow

6. What’s your lucky number? 2

7. Do you have any pets? not at the moment

8. Where are you from? Canada

9. How tall are you? 5′4

10. What shoe size are you? 8

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? this is so embarassing, I probably own like 35 pairs of shoes (but in my defense, we experience extremes in all 4 seasons during the year) and I am a shoe addict.

12. Are you random? sometimes? but not really.

13. Last person you texted? my dad

14. Are you psychic in any way? i feel like i am really good at reading people and i have a really good memory when it comes to people so maybe a little?

15. Last TV show watched? New Girl

16. Favorite movie? Hard question! ET, Get Over It, Moulin Rouge

17. Favorite show from your childhood? Mr. Dressup!

18. Do you want children? I have one! I’d like one more, I think.

19. Do you want a church wedding? I had one.

20. What is your religion? I am a Christian, which I almost hate to say because Christians are represented so badly today and I am ashamed of this group so often. To clarify, I think Jesus is the bomb and so I try to emulate how he treated people. I’m also a feminist, pro marriage equality, pro choice, pro creation care/caring for the environment, I believe in science, I don’t believe in hell, and I hate violence. So...do with all that what you will.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes, I go there a lot with my work.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? I literally sweat when a cop car passes me and I’m a goody two shoes, so no! Haha

23. How is life? Its alright. I am really tired today which always affects my mood negatively. And I just watched Infinity War last night so I’m depressed, y’all. (edit: can you tell I started this over a week ago LOL)

24. Baths or showers? Showers (you could not pay me to get into a bath! germs!)

25. What color socks are you wearing? none, its too warm out

26. Have you ever been famous? Once I met the guy who won Canadian Idol and my local grocery store put up a picture of us together in the store and had it up for years. Haha!

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? I used to really want to be famous, but celebs get a horrible deal these days. They have no privacy and our world thinks they owe us everything and really they owe us nothing so I would never ever want to be famous. I like being able to look like crap daily and not have it in magazines.

28. What type of music do you like? I like a wide variety of music, the only music I don’t like, really, is misogynistic rap and country. I am a choral and accapella music nerd, I love it so much.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yup.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? On my side with my top leg thrown over so I’m in a weird stomach/side position but its sooo comfy.

32. How big is your house? Its a good size! Big enough for us and then to host people that come to visit us and our yard is huge!

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I suck at breakfast...toast or a granola bar.

34. Have you ever left the country? I have been to Germany, South Africa, Cuba, Costa Rica and the USA.

35. Have you ever tried archery? Many years ago at summer camp.

36. Do you like anyone? Well I’m married, so yes.

37. Favorite swear word? Shit. It is sooo satisfying to say.

38. When do you fall asleep? WAY too late every night. Between midnight and 2 am.

39. Do you have any scars? Yeah I have some from when I had the chickenpox as a kid and had no self control and scratched them off.

40. Sexual orientation? Straight.

41. Are you a good liar? I think I am a horrible liar, because I value authenticity so much and lying makes me anxious.

42. What languages would you like to learn? I would love to learn Spanish since its so beautiful. Really I just would love to not only speak English!

43. Top 10 songs? Oh my! What a question! Imma be safe and just say the top 10 songs I am listening to most often right now: Fall in Line by Christina Aguilera ft Demi Levato, Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by BSB, Lost in Japan by Shawn Mendes, Bittersweet Symphony cover by Boyce Avenue, Love You Long Time by Pentatonix, Dive by Ed Sheeran, Nancy Mulligan by Ed Sheeran, New Rules cover by Pentatonix, Casanova by Allie X, Gravity by Sara Bareilles.

44. Do you like your country? I do! I am mad at our leader rn, and appalled that Ontario elected a Donald Trump wannabe as a premier (like WHY HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING ONTARIO PERSONS UGH) but overall I love being Canadian.

45. Do you have friends from the web? Yes! Its the best!

46. What is your personality type? I am an ESFP, an extrovert with introvert tendancies, and I am an enneagram 4 (seriously, google it. That is me to a T).

47. Hogwarts House? Hufflepuff 4 LYFE

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yes.

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? I am Anne from Anne of Green Gables, just not as smart. Just as dramatic and short tempered, though.

50. Left or right handed? Right

51. Are you scared of spiders? I don’t like them or want them near me.

52. Favorite food? Chocolate. Chips and Dip. Dill pickles.

53. Favorite foreign food? I love Mexican food so much I can’t even pick one thing. Also naan bread is the BOMB especially when dipped into dal makhani. Uuuuuuugggghh I wanna eat that so bad rn.

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I am pretty clean, messiness makes me crazy.

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? Pee standing up, see what its like to not have to deal with bathroom lines, street harassment, etc.

56. What color underwear? Grey.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 20 mins, but usually longer because I don’t like to be rushed so I take my time.

58. Do you have much of an ego? I don’t think so? I’m a walking pile of insecurities.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I used to bite them but I have TMJ and my jaw is a piece of garbage that cannot withstand biting anything hard without popping all out of place and pain. Fun times.

60. Do you talk to yourself? Yup.

61. Do you sing to yourself? CONSTANTLY.

62. Are you a good singer? I have a pretty decent voice.

63. Biggest Fears? Losing people I love, dying, clowns, bats, cockroaches

64. Are you a gossip? I like being in the know but I don’t like pettiness. That said I sometimes find I have to focus REALLY hard to bite my tongue.

65. Are you a grammar nazi? Absolutely.

66. Do you have long or short hair? Its too long! I need a haircut.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Maybe? I might forget a few. The real question is can any of my American friends name the Canadian provinces (the CAN equivalent of states? I DOUBT IT yet we learn the states in school. SMH)

68. Favorite school subject? English and French

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Intoverted extrovert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nope and I don’t plan on it.

71. What makes you nervous? Rooms full of people that don’t like me, small spaces, driving in winter.

72. Are you scared of the dark? Less than I used to be, but I don’t like it.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? I do daily but thats because I have a toddler and teaching/correction is important in some moments. But you also have to let them fail which is challenging to do.

74. Are you ticklish? Nope. Only my sister can tickle me and its so annoying when she does!

75. Have you ever started a rumor? Not that I can recall?

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? Yeah a few times

77. Have you ever drank underage? I don’t think so, I was 18 by the time I drank anything, I think.

78. Have you ever done drugs? No drugs scare the living crap out of me.

79. What do you fantasize about? Having more time to myself, living alone like a hermit and not having to work, having perfect hair every day, having another kid, living somewhere warm, saying snarky things to my MIL’s face.

80. How many piercings do you have? None.

81. Can you roll your R’s? Yes.

82. How fast can you type? Fast-ish if I’m on a roll but I don’t use the proper hand technique. I get by though.

83. How fast can you run? Run? Moi? HAHAHAHA

84. What color is your hair? Ash brown with a faded rainbow in the back.

85. What color are your eyes? Green.

86. What are you allergic to? Winter mold. Spring is the worst. And I can’t go barefoot on grass unless I want to have itchy swollen feet that I want to scratch off forever.

87. Do you keep a journal? I have one that I’m supposed to write a line a day in but I am the WORST at it. Once I get behind I get so unmotivated.

88. Are you depressed about anything? I feel like I’m sleep walking through my life sometimes, and depression takes away my ability to care enough to be motivated to do anything about it. I swear apathy is the worst side effect of depression for me!

89. Do you like your age? It is honestly the best. I love being 30! I care less about the insecurities that consumed my life in my early 20s. I have more body confidence . I’m more secure financially than I’ve been at any point in my life. And I still feel youngish. Haha.

90. What makes you angry? White privilege, misogyny, Canadian and American politics, Christian people who don’t act loving and don’t seem bothered by it, when people don’t return their shopping carts in parking lots, when people can help others but don’t, cancer, narcissists.

91. Do you like your own name? I have always loved my name. I only know one other person with my name who spells it like me!

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? Odd question, no.

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I have a boy, and if I ever get the opportunity to have another kid I kinda hope its a girl. I’m really close with my mom so I always imagined having a daughter to hopefully be close with too. My son is a mini me in every way, though.

94. What talents do you have? I have a semi-photographic memory (so helpful for studying), I learn song lyrics super fast, I can sing any song for you in the correct key it was recorded in (what would you call that? pitch memorization?)

95. Sun or moon? I love sitting in a sunbeam like a cat. But the moon is super comforting to me. Both.

96. How did you get your name? My mom wanted me to have a different name in a sea of Ashley’s and Brittany’s (I was born in the late 80s).

97. Are you religious? My faith is very important to me and relates to all areas of my life, including my job, so yes? But I don’t feel like I need to be in your face about it, that’s not my style.

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? Yes and honestly everyone on the planet could benefit from it! Its the best!

99. Color of your bedspread? White with blue and goldish flowers on it.

100. Color of your room? Light grey.

I feel like everyone already did this but all the same I’m going to tag @earlgreyteagirl, @reddie-to-mileven-it-up, @stevemossington, @maxmayfield and here’s some people who I know already did this but I want you to see my answers haha so here goes @hannahberrie @summer-in-hawkins @jane-el-hopper @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold @thezoomermax @puzzlingsnark @fatechica @mikeweezers

#am i late to the party?#you know it #but running late is my style #sigh #survey

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lightandwinged · 6 years

Text

So I saw The Movie. Spoilers--good, bad (or neutral), and ugly--below. Spoiler-free: not as good as the first Avengers, but better by far than AoU.

The Good

This film made me even more furious with Joss Whedon, solely because it proves that the problems in AoU were of his own making, namely his inability to handle too many characters and therefore incompetence when it comes to a film of this type. The Russo brothers took a very smart approach to this, in that they knew they couldn’t take the time to give all of the good guys the characterization they’d have gotten in a film with a smaller cast, so they basically made Thanos the main character, which is really what should’ve happened with Ultron but inexplicably did not happen.

And man, what a joy Thanos is as a character. So many superhero villains are so kind of... one dimensional, tbh. Or not one dimensional, but rather, they seem to have an understanding that what they’re doing is evil or, if they don’t have that understanding, a lack of real conviction. They’re nascent Sith, in a sense, running on either the sheer joy of being cruel or on a heightened desire for vengeance. They can be a lot of fun, don’t get me wrong, but they seem, for lack of a better word, like cartoon villains.

They’re fun, like I said, and the world is full of people who are just... evil for the sake of being evil (as we’ve found out in the last ~2+ years more than a lot of us realized, I think), but they get tired when they’re the villain of everything. Chaotic Evil, in other words, gets less compelling when it’s all you see. It becomes the same person with a different mask, 9/10 times, which I’m sure contributes a lot to superhero movie fatigue.

Thanos, though, I enjoyed because he was 100% convinced that what he was doing was for the good of the universe. Ultron was trying to go there, I think, but Whedon handled it with about as much delicacy as a bull in a china shop (Ultron is mostly redeemed by his being played by James Spader, who is a delight at all times, but that also ends up being his downfall because you get the feeling that he’s winking at the audience the entire time... “I’m saying this with conviction, but here’s a quip to show that I know I’m evil.”). Thanos actually felt real. He felt like he believed everything he was saying, like he truly thought he was doing the universe a mercy, that he was the good guy.

And that doesn’t redeem him by any means (incoming people screeching about how I’m downplaying genocide or stanning because dude’s evil, y’all), but it makes him infinitely more compelling, and GOD, that is refreshing. It’s the same way that Killmonger was refreshing because, even though you don’t agree with it, you see his point. I mean, who among us that’s worked retail hasn’t wanted to snap our fingers and make half of humanity vanish? It’s been more than a decade since my last retail position, and I still have those days.

On a different level, it’s that garbage that gets pushed by freshman level philosophy students who are like “people should stop having babies” because that, not a mismanagement of resources by the wealthy and powerful, is why there’s scarcity. It’s rubbish, absolute rubbish (and it doesn’t work because science tells us that the universe, that all of existence, is infinite... and fuck, the movie’s science tells us that as well--Bananabread Cabletelevision had his little moment of hunting for spoilers and only got through about 1.4 million of the unending possibilities that exist BUT I DIGRESS), but at first blush, you ask yourself, “Wait, does he have a point?” No, he does not.

A rundown of other Goods:

Look, Thor in lightning form is the sexiest creature in existence. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules.

Also I appreciated him getting another smushface. And then the immediately following Battle of the Chrises (all I’m saying is that if there’s not a threeway Chris standoff in Part Deux, I’ll be very sad. Also, someone please cast Chris Pine in Captain Marvel, he needs to spend the rest of eternity watching powerful women heroes in awe).

The people who were allowed gave fantastic performances. RDJ will be sorely missed as Iron Man (because if y’all think he’s living past the next film, I’m sorry for your loss), and of the good guys, I felt like he came the closest to being the main character here. Which has been true of the other Avengers films as well, so that’s nice to see. Ultimately, these first three phases of the MCU were Tony Stark’s story, and that finale will be really... well, painful.

Other great performances: Tom Holland (darling baby child, I wept for you), Mark Ruffalo (good at constipation), Bagels Cucumbers (that hurts to admit, he’s the Worst, but damn if he isn’t a good actor), Zoe Saldana (you’d better come back), Chris Hemsworth (as always), Paul Bettany (NOOO), and Elizabeth Olsen (poor darling).

The humor was nicely balanced, not fourth-wall breaking like you get in the Whedon Avengerses, but logical. It was kind of like exhaling: inhale the action and serious stakes, exhale the humor. It allowed breathing room in all the intensity, so that was great.

Also how can I have missed Wakanda that much if it’s only been like... not even two months since I saw Black Panther?

Look, if the next movie involves just one scene--just one!--of Okoye, Nat, and Wanda fighting together, my ticket will have been worth its price.

Related, Proxima Midnight is (a) literally the coolest name for anyone ever, and (b) my wife now.

The Neutral-Bad

Or, really, more the expected.

In any ensemble movie, you’re going to have a lot of characters whose purpose is just to step on scene, state their name and allegiance, and then fade into the background. This ended up being the case with pretty much all of Team Cap, and it was to their detriment. They had their shining moments (”Earth just lost her greatest defender” made me ship things like FedEx), but as opposed to the group above, they didn’t really have a lot to do? Or even really much in the way of reactions? They just sort of... came and saw and fought and that was it.

It felt a lot like nobody knew what to do with those characters, which is fair enough, but it also felt like they were wasted, and they shouldn’t have been. If I had to guess, I’d guess that the writers had to pick and choose which good guys they wanted to focus on and which new Avengers and old Avengers would get the attention. Tony because these films have been basically a huge Iron Man series. Thor because I think? the plot requires him to be Important, as per comic books. But as much as I adore Thor, I wish there had been a focus on Steve more. With Tony, you’ve got the plot of “oh my god Thanos, the thing I’ve been afraid of since 2008″ but maybe Steve could’ve had more of a reluctant plot, like he’s been heroing all this time but all he’s gotten for it is locked up and exiled and shit? I don’t know, point is that if Captain America is going to be so prominent in the MCU logo, he should get a bigger slice of the plot pie.

Also I’m annoyed with Gamora’s passing, though I wouldn’t call it a complete fridging because it wasn’t just for mangst. It was just mostly for mangst. Either way, though, I think that’s the death (besides the end ones) that bothered me the most. It didn’t feel unnecessary and was probably the most shocking, when you look at it objectively (more on that in a second), but... I don’t know, it bothered me, but I can’t 100% put my finger on why/how. I do appreciate, though, that it gave Gamora a decent arc in the film.

Anyway, to the deaths. The presumable permadeaths (Heimdall, Loki, and Gamora) were, for the most part, unsurprising. The Thor trilogy is over, so Heimdall and Loki end up being kind of extra weight, the former because he doesn’t have a lot to do that’s not in a role filled by another character, and the latter because the only other way he could’ve worked in this film was as an eleventh hour heroic sacrifice, and that feels almost too woobie-ish, like beyond Zuko levels of woobie.

The Great Dust Rapture at the end was also fairly unsurprising, mostly because there��s no way a good chunk of those characters aren’t coming back. At least two have sequels literally named after them coming out sometime in the next couple of years; as I also pointed out to Kyle, “Look, Gamora may be dead forever, but if the rest of the Guardians remain dust, GotG3 will just be The Adventures of Rocket Raccoon Being Very Sad.” The non-dusted bunch are the OG Avengers, plus or minus a few friends; the stakes for the next film are, therefore, a LOT higher, since all the OG Avengers have finished their trilogies and, should they survive, will probably only ever show up again in cameos. We know T’Challa and Peter Parker and the Guardians of the Galaxy and probably Dr. Strange and everyone still have Things To Do.

But the OG Avengers do not, and they couldn’t really kill off the main characters of the franchise with one film to go, so...

(also, calling it now: the next film is going to be The Avengers: Rebirth. I will put money on it)

The Ugly

But HNNGH. Okay.

I 100% understand the choices they made with the dustinatings, but like... there’s no suspense whatsoever. If Marvel didn’t release their film titles 6000 years in advance, maybe the stakes would’ve been stakier, but as it stands, it’s like... come on people.

You know what would’ve worked way better and made for stakier stakes? Don’t kill off the main characters from franchises that still have sequels coming out. Kill off sidekicks. T’Challa doesn’t die, but maybe M’baku or Okoye does. Spare at least three of the Guardians of the Galaxy. Leave Peter Parker’s fate uncertain (though his death scene was literally the only one that made me tear up because TOM HOLLAND IS JUST THAT GOOD, DARLING FROG-IN-MOUTH BOY). Bucky, Sam, Nick Fury, Maria Hill--they can remain dusted. But if you want to keep the stakes for the second film while actually letting us believe that there won’t be any resurrections this time, maybe don’t kill people who we know will be back in various MCU films at future dates.

It’s like I keep thinking when I watch trailers for Solo or literally any prequel anything: the problem with 99% of prequels is that we know who lives and who doesn’t, so giving us trailer shots of Chewbacca in danger, for example, is like trying to play peek-a-boo with an adult. We have object permanence, it’s not surprising when you pull your hands away and your face is still there. It’s not surprising that Chewbacca isn’t going to get his face bashed away by a rock. It’s not surprising that somehow, in Avengers Four: You Asked For More, all the dusted people with eponymous films coming up will be back.

Another big plot hole: why didn’t Dr. Strange go and do his future vision the second a giant green man fell into his living room? Bruce, as Bruce, tells him “Thanos is coming for the macguffins” and then he goes and spends the next 5 minutes going through possibilities and then figures out the very easy way to solve the thing.

That easy way? Just have Wanda destroy the time stone. Now we’re not panicking about taking out Vision’s brain as fast as we can (point: that scene was unrealistic, Shuri would’ve actually had it done in about 13 seconds flat) and Thanos has lost and maybe he goes around killing people manually but at least he can’t rewind time if things don’t go his way.

The movie didn’t do this, obviously, but it’s one of those things where it’s like “if your audience can figure out a better way of doing things before the credits even fucking roll, maybe revise your script.”

(if Carrie Fisher had been alive to script doctor this shit, we wouldn’t have this problem, universe)

Other big frustration: does every Avengers film really need Thor to go on an epic quest away from everyone else for half the film? Don’t get me wrong, it was pretty cool to see him jumpstart a sun and see Peter Dinklage being huge (all I’m saying is that if Disney ever acquires the rights to the X-Men, things are going to get very confusing) and see a new Mjolnir-like-object, but oh. my. god. Every time those scenes were happening, I felt like it was a bathroom break. Like legit, that fucking ax had better cleave Thanos in half in the next movie because otherwise, that was so much wasted time that could’ve been devoted to literally anything else.

Final Miscellaneous Thoughts

Maybe this means that GotG3 will be about Peter Quill actually growing up and dealing with his issues. I hope it does.

Also, Nebula/Tony Stark road trip back to earth? I’m all about it.

Wonder Woman would’ve ended this all in about 30 seconds flat, which is why Captain Marvel can’t show up until the next film.

The next film is literally going to be at least 90 minutes of Thanos refusing to interact with anyone trying to kill him because he’s on vacation and fuck you.

Literally why does anyone still live in NYC in the MCU? The first movie would’ve been enough to convince me to move to a cornfield in Nebraska and just stay there for eternity.

“Thanos will return.” Along with literally everyone else SERIOUSLY THIS IS NOT SUSPENSEFUL MARVEL AAAAAAUGH.

#infinity war #infinity war spoilers #not really spoiler: thanos and his team are basically apophan and his cult #this realization led to a 20 minute conversation while we waited for the credits to end #in which I pointed out that the last time one of my characters faced off against one of Kyle's #my character legit took maybe 2 damage in the entire event #and it was not Kyle playing favorites I just had lucky dice that night

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