#I would really like to be healthy

[feverdreamsandlucidnightmares]

God I swear I’m not trying to be all doom and gloom talking about my health I know it’s annoying I just really need a break and everyone irl is already done with my shit bc I’ve been too anxious to go back to the doctor bc the last one told me I’d just have to deal with it and potentially get more surgeries and I’m 23 dude. It took nearly 3 years before my doctor even agreed that that surgery was necessary and it didn’t even fully fix my shit it just lessened the pain — which I’m grateful for, don’t get me wrong! But I haven’t had full limb function in my left arm since I was 15 and they made it sound like the surgery would fix it and then acted like I was overreacting when it didn’t. And my left leg has been deeply fucked for nearly as long, and at least slightly fucked at least since I hit double digits, and has gotten progressively worse. So like I know, I get it that I need to go to a doctor, but why would it go better now? What’s going to make a doctor take me seriously now?

I want to be angry, but I’m too tired.

#chronic health #chronic pain #cpunk #cripple punk #tw surgery #I was told (in a nonprofessional capacity) that I should be screened for ehlers danlos syndrome #which matches a lot of my symptoms #and my parental units want me to get screened for pots #and a heart murmur #and mitral valve prolapse #and asthma but I’ve been tested for that within the last 5 or 6 years and seem to be fine in that regard at least #I don’t want to keep doing this man #I would really like to be healthy #I miss ballet a fuckton #and martial arts #and just being able to go places with my friends without having to plan out how to avoid fainting or pain flares #maybe hEDS #I don’t want to clutter up the actual tags with my hypothetical shit #tw vent #fever’s vibe check #feverdreamsandlucidnightmares

[herd-reject-arts]

So I'm leaving work and something darts in front of me, maybe 10ft away, too fast for me to see what it is. Peek around the tree blocking my path and I see this

Just like... a whole ass hawk. Dude's gotta be about 1.5ft tall. Massive fucking bird. And it's just staring me straight in my soul like this, even as I try to move ahead. It didn't budge. And there's only this path back to my car unless I want to walk on a busy highway. So I have the option of Death By Raptor or Death By Truck.

So I walk in the poison ivy filled patch off the sidewalk. Guy still isn't moving. Still staring me directly in the eyes. And I do this thing when animals are behaving strangely where I'll talk to them, so I'm just like, "Hey, man. I don't know you. You don't know me. This feels really threatening. I'm just trying to get to my car, dude. Can I get some space please? You're a big fucking bird. I see those claws. You could kill me right now, but I'd appreciate if you didn't, ok?"

It didn't move until I was about 2ft away. Again: I'm as far from it as I can be without walking into the street. It clearly wasn't going to budge. I walk past, thing flies up (silent, btw. Scary) and lands on a brick wall a little further ahead

Anyway. Weird guy. Nearly shit my pants when I noticed a bird big enough to carry off a fully grown cat was just... there, staring me in the face, unwilling to move away from me, a human, something it should see as a threat. I watched behind me the whole rest of the way to my car, just in case this bird decided to help me shed this mortal coil. 10/10 experience. Super cool guy.

#not vc sorry #bird #birds #aves #raptor #hawk #red shouldered hawk #i think. might be wrong on that id #accipitriformes #birds of prey #honestly a really cool guy so close up #I'm happy i wasn't attacked. i would not want to fight a guy that big. #talons on this bird were huge. big scary. #I've never heard of large predatory birds just landing in front of people like that so i don't know what gives #it didn't catch any food or anything. just landed near me then stared me down. #I don't know a lot about bird behavior so i tried to not look back at it but still. #it also didn't look injured. seemed like a healthy bird #if anyone has any idea why this thing would act the way it did I'd love to know

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag #writeblr #it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal #fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho) #healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy #im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage.... #1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind #and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes #2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception'' #3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.'' #idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh #im sure there are people who have this experience normally #but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists #when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band'' #edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful #once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large #but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry. #but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes #but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally. #i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes #people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism #but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet . #i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY #and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound. #but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in #i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too. #here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change #was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort) #choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL

[becca-e-barnes]

Ma’am, you are deviously incredible 🔥 We’re begging for an exploration of him saying “I love you” while fucking her like he doesn’t 🥹

My brain keeps picking up the storyline a few splendidly torturous hours in when her body’s completely spent & quivering & she’s a blubbering mess & that’s when he picks her up & takes his sweet time positioning her so she can limply yet eagerly watch their reflection has he finally gives her… exactly what her twitching body’s been craving. 🥵

I'm so glad you all enjoyed the thought of this as much as I did because I've been dying to expand on it 😵‍💫 (Part 1 here)

I like to imagine by that stage, he's absolutely desperate too though. He's got to feel your sweet little pussy clench and flutter around him, contracting so tight every time you cum that he swears it's going to be the end of him.

He's been too hard for too long, buried inside your body and he swears he's never felt you this wet or this hot before. It's been fucking luxurious, forcing you to cum against his fingers, feeling how your body's natural reaction is to coax him to drain his balls into you but that alone isn’t enough. He needs more than that.

He wouldn't admit it to you but he can't take any more. His balls feel like they're fizzing; overfull and beyond ready to flood your waiting, overstimulated body.

He arranges you gently, laying you on your front because he doesn't trust your trembling arms to support you. "That's it, good girl." He coos, hearing you whimper and sob pathetically because he needs to slip out of you to slide a pillow under your hips.

"You've made such a mess." He groans, taking a second to appreciate the delicious, inviting, slick little cunt he's about to indulge in. "You're dripping, sweetheart. God, I just know there's no way I'm going to be able to pull out."

His huge hands are gripping your hips and with one sharp, brutal thrust, he's back inside you and you both sob pathetically at the feeling of your bodies being joined again. This is exactly what you've needed but you don't have the words to tell him that. All you can do is whine and will your body not to cum again so soon.

"I meant. What I said earlier." He punctuates his sentence with soft groans, drawing back until he almost slips out of you before pounding back in.

He leans forward, tilting your chin up, making sure you can see the way he's fucking you in the mirror at the end of the bed.

"I love you. And I don't want you to forget that." He sounds sincere, one hand trailing up from the small of your back to right between your shoulder blades and then back down again. It feels intimate and tender but all that is forgotten by the very next thrust.

"I love you. But for now, you're just a mindless. Little. Drooling. Breedable. Cunt for me." He slows his thrusts down, determined not to cum so soon but it's going to be difficult to last until he gets the first couple of loads out of the way.

"Baby..." You whimper, feeling the tip of his cock nudge against your sweet spot, making you shake from overstimulation.

"I know sweetheart, I know. It's too much. But you're being so good for me. You're so perfect. How have no idea how you feel. So wet and warm and I can feel you fluttering around my cock. It's like you're trying to squeeze every last drop of cum out of me. Is that what you want? Because angel, I'll keep this delicious cunt stuffed full of load after load until I have nothing left to give you."

His thrusts are punishingly fast, thumping against your raised ass, half chasing his orgasm, half holding it back.

"And when I do, I'll remind you just how much I love you. And the baby I'm going to give you tonight."

With that thought, he can't stop himself from cumming, his dick twitching inside you as he shoots thick ropes of his seed right against your cervix. You're so cock-drunk you can only rut yourself millimetres back and forth but that's all you need to send yourself spiralling into another orgasm that leaves you trembling and sobbing.

"Fuck, you want that as much as I do, don't you?" He kisses the back of your neck, breathing you in while letting the euphoric rush subside. He notices he hasn't softened in the slightest despite such an intense orgasm but he knows he needs to be gentle with you for a moment before he can get any rougher.

#asks answered <3 #becca writes spice #anon #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader smut #needy!bucky #please no one think this is what a healthy relationship is like #but this really really does something for me #the level of nasty in me for someone who'd say stuff like that is truly endless #I'll be the ✨freakiest ✨wife for someone some day #but for now I've fallen in love with the eviee sendal Doc Martens #and I can't do that #because I know if I get them I'm going to feel way too hot #and that would be dangerous for everyone tbh

[waitineedaname]

what do u think ritsu would do if he got stuck in a time loop

oh he would go insane. like, immediately. you know how in a lot of time loop stories, there's a point where the character kind of loses it? it would take no time for ritsu to reach that point. like as soon as he realizes he's trapped, he will Freak The Fuck Out. he'll either throw himself really intensely into trying to figure out how to end the time loop, or he'll go completely off the deep end and start blowing shit up because it'll all be reset by the next day. potentially both.

of course, this is all presuming he's alone in the time loop. I think if he had someone else trapped in the time loop with him, he'd be less likely to lose his mind and instead would work really hard with them to break it. but if he's by himself in the time loop, he would not cope well

#asks #crystalv01d #ritsu is already the most likely to realize he's trapped in a narrative and would hate it #I cannot imagine him being mentally healthy about a time loop situation sdkljfkldsjf #unless mob or shou or even reigen or teru were stuck in the time loop with him #in that case he'd be okay and stay grounded #left to his own devices however. madness ensues. #this is reminding me of that really funny mob psycho time loop fic tho #I like that he managed to break through the mental block on it through sheer force of will. that's my son right there

[annabelle--cane]

say it with me everybody: personal health is completely immaterial to morality, including mental health. leading a mentally unhealthy lifestyle (or what you perceive as a mentally unhealthy lifestyle) does not a bad person make. no one has to socialize, exercise, have healthy coping mechanisms, or lead (what you perceive as) a fulfilling life with fulfilling hobbies in the same way that no one has to go to the doctor to get a broken bone reset. both of those types of management of personal health are likely to be beneficial to the individual, but they are in no way moral requirements or debts owed to society. they do not actually say anything about a person's principles, personality, or actions towards others. additionally, people know themselves and their own situations better than you do. maybe a person judges that the physical and financial toll of going to the doctor outweigh the benefit of getting their bone reset, maybe a person just does not have the capacity to develop healthy coping mechanisms at this point in their life, and yes, maybe a person feels like they are totally fulfilled by "media based" hobbies alone and would feel no difference in their life if they picked up a loom. just like. let people be sick without accusing them of being representative of the lazy, degenerated state of modern society.

#marina marvels at life #there's a way people on here have been talking about ai/tiktok/movies/anti intellectualism/media hobbies/self care that all jives together #that just. really icks me out. #sometimes it comes through pretty transparently with people claiming that you must have regular sex to be a healthy/good person #or conversely that people are more sex crazed now than they've ever been and it's destroying literacy or whatever #or that cheating at school is scandalously immoral and only 'soft brained' bad people would do it #or that collectivism means you have to dress the right way and feel the right way and talk the right way #because your actions affect Others and you might upset someone or give off bad messages if you wear a crop top or are too sad #but a lot of the time it's just this strange plausibly-deniable tone I keep encountering that crept up some time in like 2021 I think #like. am I going crazy here or has anyone else been feeling this?

[varyathevillain]

no joke but what I really want for Buddy Daddies as a fandom is to make fanart and fanfic post present time ep12 where Rei wears an arm orthosis when working.

I think varied disability aids being represented would be fantastic, and personally would write Rei as someone being deeply proud of something he's done for his family, but also understanding with time that using an orthosis also helps him at work and in raising Miri. with a giant portion of mobility/motorics aids being represented by prosthetics, seeing more variety and exploring it in fiction would also help making a step in normalising disability treatments.

#that's my personal opinion and i just thought about how understanding more about physical disabilities #and how to help people with those aids in case something happens and they ask for help #has furthered my understanding and might even help me in the future if i were ever to experience that #Buddy Daddies Spoilers #Buddy Daddies #Suwa Rei #(again. i want to write Kurusu Rei SO BAD) #text post #Varya rambles #also drawing an orthosis would be real complicated for an animated work so i understand why they chose to hide the arm #but i really like the headcanon of Rei using it sparingly 🥺 not everyone uses them all the time #+ it's also not healthy if worn all the time. looking @ people who'd let their characters sleep with their prostheis on. smh #and this is also NOT a 'you HAVE to do this'! just something I think would be fantastic #...also I'm like. apparently looking @ a start of a fic where Rei uses it?? is my writer's block finally over?! #here's a hoping 🙏buddy daddies such a good anime. not perfect not extremely beautiful. but GOOD in HEART #1k

[uncanny-tranny]

Hey, gentle recognition for the people who are taking care of themselves in "not aesthetically-pleasing" ways. To the people who have to do things they don't want to because they know they would suffer more if they didn't, to the people who have to brush their teeth with their fingers, to the people who have to use washcloths to bathe, to the people who need to punch pillows or scream into them to express their intense emotions, to anybody ashamed about the way they need to live and take care of themselves.

You are doing the very best you can with the hand you've been dealt. It's not easy, it's not pretty, but it sure as fuck takes so much to do these things. You are doing what is best for yourself, and I, for one, think you deserve to be proud of that. Self-care isn't easy. It isn't pretty, often, but it's something you shouldn't be ashamed of or hide away because it's deemed "grotesque" or "not really self-care (because self-care is pretty and non-threatening to 'normal peoples' senses)"

#mental health #mental health support #self care #like when i was still in school i would end up forcing myself to go because i knew i would feel worse if i hadn't... #...and i don't think people get how difficult that is. it isn't like you choose to be difficult when you struggle #and feeling ashamed about doing these things only makes the situation worse for them (the person struggling) #something i've just been thinking about #i hate this idea that self-care *only* looks like the 'healthy' person's treat days... #...like lighting candles around your bathtub and putting rose petals in the water... #...because that isn't the only aspect to taking care of yourself. sometimes it looks like forcing yourself to bathe and grieving... #...and using rough washcloths because you can't stand the feeling of your own skin and you can't stand how dirty you feel... #...and obviously i'm not saying that mentally ill people doing self-care is the only way it looks... #...but that it really doesn't help us when self-care is almost made into a 'non-threatening' activity that is pleasant and nice-looking #and of course the examples i used in this post were examples and aren't the end-all-be-all

[quadrantadvisor]

Alright new Jason Todd headcanons in a dpxdc setting:

Danny is a "liminal" ghost, rather than a "half" ghost. He's alive and dead at the same time. (He's like Jesus Christ (in the church denomination I grew up in), fully ghost and fully human.) Danny, in human form, can go through a ghost shield, because he IS a living human.

Jason, however, is a reanimated corpse. He isn't a ghost, wouldn't have a ghost core, etc, he has a normal human system that runs ON ectoplasm. Jason CANNOT go through a ghost shield, because he is always an ectoplasmic entity. Danny can go through the Fenton Ghost Catcher and be split into a ghost and a human; if Jason went through the ghost catcher, he would straight up die.

(For my purposes I'm gonna say that Jason became an ectoplasmic entity upon his resurrection, but wasn't very stable. Dunking in the Lazarus pit stabilized his system but also poisoned his ectoplasm.)

I do think that Jason could learn certain ghost abilities if he learned to harness his ectoplasm, especially if they detoxed him off the Lazarus waters. He's probably already enhancing his stealth and strength in ways he hasn't really noticed. I think he's held back by the amount of physical matter he's lugging around, so maybe he couldn't fly, but I'm imagining temporary invisibility, or intagibility of like, a limb at a time. Maybe he can't walk through walls, but in a fight he can dodge by instinctively making the targeted part of his body intangible.

#i saw someone call jason a 'revenant' in a fanfic once and that is juicy as hell so I'm stealing that- that's what he is in this au #Jason's ectoplasm does react to other ectoplasmic entities so they can sense eachother #but for ghosts he's fucking weird because he doesn't have a core for them to resonate with or w/e #danny would probably think that he's another halfa/liminal at first but the more time they spend together the more that doesn't add up #so I know that I'm trying to give Jason ghost powers but honestly this whole thing is kind of a bum deal for him #he gets all of a ghost's weaknesses and barely any of the benefits #honestly I'm conceptualizing this as more of a disability than a superpower #discovering that youre less alive than you thought you were and you're technically just a walking talking corpse running on supernatural goo #is fucked up and creepy and upsetting! #and it's something that he would have to come to terms with before he could start exploring what new opportunities it might give him #and i think that's really interesting #it's part of why I love messing with Jason in dpxdc stories so much #danny is fully ghost and fully human and he never feels like he fits in anywhere already #Jason is not quite human and not quite ghost so you can imagine how that would go for him #anyways i think they should be best friends and visit frostbite in the realms to make sure jason is healthy and also they should maybe kiss #and listen to the black parade together and talk about dying and stuff #danny fenton #jason todd #dp x dc #dpxdc #danny phantom #dc #batfam #my rambles

[bluespiritshonour]

here's 18-19 year old aang sketches. been hearing aang is ugly discourse—no he ain't. he was just 12.

#i really wanted to take part in zukaang bingo but the urge to art struck me a little later #i still might make something else later #enough art for now #i'd try to participate in maiko week but i'm not sure #it's smack in the middle of end semester exams #ink blot #avatar fanart #avatar the last airbender #atla #artists on tumblr #fanart #avatar aang #why did i never use the pencil brush before?!?! i seriously have a personality flaw where i just don't explore stuff. #can you believe i've been using the same fucking brush for lineart ever since i started digital art? #anyways! i don't know how the pencil brush would feel like if i go for colours but this is impeccable. #I have more control over stuff and i love the result #so #i have promised myself i'd be fucking off this hellsite because i have a huge backlog of work that needs to be done #and i'm presently suffering from “can't help but art”. so #yeah. y'all would probably see me around maiko week. byeee! #if i deprive myself of drawing for too long it bursts out of me like this where i do nothing but draw #not healthy at all

[nthflower]

Cuno should join Hardie boys in the future not RCM btw my unpopular hot take opinion thingie.

#disco Elysium #geym #harry and cuno art is cutee #but there is nothing happy in joining rcm i cant see anything but depression in cunos future if he becomes a detective #soo he should join Hardie boys they have their own problems but its actually very much better #like whole game it is already so fucked up playing as harry and seeing how being a cop is so miserable #and even with kim the good cop who trust the system so badly is miserable because he is a cop #and now you want me to believe cuno would be happy if he joins the rcm #plus Cunoesse i dont want her to be alone and her bestie being a pig #i really dont like rcm every time i interact with them with radio or in whirling its dreadful #martinese can be not so healthy environment but compared to rcm its just more hopeful and less dreadful actually #there is still small things in life that makes you happy there some freedom and hope #anyways tldr nooo cuno don't be a pig and hardie boys >>> rcm #now sleepy time for me

[thecoolerliauditore]

beauty of the divorce quartet actually is that no matter where you draw the relationship lines you get a fun and fucked up dynamic to think about

#random thoughts #personally --> #martyn/cleo are mirrors of eachother and the most likely to salvage an actual healthy relationship out of the mess theyre in #BUT canonically they're just divorced obvs #scott/pearl have whatever megamind and metro man have going on if it was soundtracked to therefore you and me #scott/martyn is just straight up toxic yaoi. using eachother cus they can't get their exes back #cleo/pearl are a weird blend of scorn and pity for eachother. they think they understand eachother but never really do. u get me. #scott/cleo would get married for tax purposes. real birds of a feather. i would totally poison you for your fortune lol haha jk unless.... #martyn/pearl could be best friends honestly if it wasn't for the whole thing. i think they'd set things on fire together and think its funn #my art #<-- kind of i guess

[arcanegifs]

#BRUHHHHHH I NEED ANOTHER TEASER I BEG YOU RIOT #ITS BEEN THREE YEARS I CANT WAIT TO USE NEW CONTENT FOR GIFS LMAO #personal tag #dont look at me im just here to complain about content drought lmao its really not good in fostering a healthy fandom ngl #because ppl will just hyperfixate and consume media for like a month and then the fandom goes poof right after lol #i miss all the people scrutinizing media every week i miss all the essays pumping out when content arrives #these days its just.... nothing lmao i only really still have arcane in my mind because of fanfiction and a lot of fics have been inactive #ik we're getting new stuff in a few months #and ik we're not in canceled shows hell but like #i really hope that if theres season 3 we're gonna get it a bit more regularly #i really miss it when content was like weekly or every 2 weeks because ppl and the fandom are wayyyy more active during those times #binge culture and netflix sort of changed it lol #i miss it when fandoms were huge!!! i miss it when it was so CHAOTIC lmaooooooooo #I MISS WAITING FOR LONG ASS HOURS WAITING FOR CONTENT TO RELEASE EVERY WEEK!!!! I MISS IT!!!! that was like what 12 years ago LOL #I KNOW arcane is special with their 3 year drought because it takes time to make arcane #but like..... idk man i miss content lmao #iirc they took too long to make s2 bc they have no idea if s1 would be even renewed #so i hope s3 will be a bit more regular now #anyways im gonna go bye bye

[iaminatree]

the horrors may be everlasting but we keep slaying

#jonathan sims #the magnus archives #tma #tma fanart #yeah im prolly never finishing this but thats fine #got done w this piece at 1 am which is very fitting tbh #i hope yall like the design #the only thing i changed abt how i used to draw him in this is the dreadlocks #my reasoning was dreadlocks are easier to wash (to my knowledge) #and so i feel like jon would like that #bro likes finding cheat codes to being healthy (even if they arent really cheat codes) #anyways uhhh warnings #eye horror #trypophobia #(only a little but its still yucky)

[epilogueart]

the worst part is that they really aren’t together they’re just Like That

#god of war #god of war ragnarok #kratos #atreus #mimir #freya #kratos god of war #freya god of war #god of war mimir #gow art #have you guys seen that post #where the op is talking about how a guy they were seeing was like I think you’re a little too close with your best friend #and while the op was explaining why it’s good to have close friends and have other healthy relationships #their best friend came into the room and said this drink is gross try it #and then spit the drink directly into op’s mouth? #yeah anyways that’s how I picture mimir and kratos’ relationship #Freya is like I really have come to love kratos as more than a friend and I would consider starting something #but I don’t also want to date mimir #and that’s just like #part of the deal essentially he’s locked in #anyways I’m obsessed with their weird fucking family #my art

[annabelle--cane]

a lot of my first thoughts about martin's characterization back when I first listened were about how he experienced the process of transition into adulthood in a weird out of joint manner, and I want to try and bring that back into the way I think about him. if he dropped out of school at 17 to become his family's breadwinner, then it stands to reason that he'd probably been filling a lot of the "head of household" roles since his early teens, but always in service to and under the direction of a parent that hated him. assuming that he got his institute job within, say, a year of dropping out, and he had to move to london on his own, being able to do all that as a teenager and not just implode (especially with no emotional support) is a significant feat, but it was all based on lies. all of his coworkers would have thought he was 4-6 years older than he was, and he could manage it, but only by making them think he was an incompetent young adult instead of an actually very capable teen. he went straight from being a kid with no time for being a kid to being an adult who was never taught how to be an adult. I think that does something to a person's ability to evaluate their own skills and importance.

#tma #marina marvels at life #I know some people don't really like ajn's take that for the first few seasons he's emotionally an 18 y/o and I get why #but it does kinda make sense. that's the age where he would have had to start lying about nearly every aspect of his life. #hard to have healthy social development when you can't even tell your peers your real birthday