#I miss ballet a fuckton

[feverdreamsandlucidnightmares]

God I swear I’m not trying to be all doom and gloom talking about my health I know it’s annoying I just really need a break and everyone irl is already done with my shit bc I’ve been too anxious to go back to the doctor bc the last one told me I’d just have to deal with it and potentially get more surgeries and I’m 23 dude. It took nearly 3 years before my doctor even agreed that that surgery was necessary and it didn’t even fully fix my shit it just lessened the pain — which I’m grateful for, don’t get me wrong! But I haven’t had full limb function in my left arm since I was 15 and they made it sound like the surgery would fix it and then acted like I was overreacting when it didn’t. And my left leg has been deeply fucked for nearly as long, and at least slightly fucked at least since I hit double digits, and has gotten progressively worse. So like I know, I get it that I need to go to a doctor, but why would it go better now? What’s going to make a doctor take me seriously now?

I want to be angry, but I’m too tired.

#chronic health #chronic pain #cpunk #cripple punk #tw surgery #I was told (in a nonprofessional capacity) that I should be screened for ehlers danlos syndrome #which matches a lot of my symptoms #and my parental units want me to get screened for pots #and a heart murmur #and mitral valve prolapse #and asthma but I’ve been tested for that within the last 5 or 6 years and seem to be fine in that regard at least #I don’t want to keep doing this man #I would really like to be healthy #I miss ballet a fuckton #and martial arts #and just being able to go places with my friends without having to plan out how to avoid fainting or pain flares #maybe hEDS #I don’t want to clutter up the actual tags with my hypothetical shit #tw vent #fever’s vibe check #feverdreamsandlucidnightmares

[cavehags]

ooh could you do a buffy characters as cxg songs post?

okay YES i will do this for you anon

buffy: first penis i saw / sexy getting ready song / the math of love quadrangles / maybe she’s not such a heinous bitch after all (about cordelia and also faith and everyone else she had an arbitrary girl-feud with) / she’s the new girl / without love, you can save the world / where’s buffy summers (s3e1) / we should definitely not have sex right now (s2 lol) / horny angry tango (s6) / meet buffy!

willow: willow’s magic-addiction song / i’m a good person / we’ll never have problems again / what u missed while u were popular / what’s your story / no one else is singing my song / face your fears / tell me i’m okay patrick / after everything you made me do that you didn’t ask for (wow she is VERY bunchian) / triceratops ballet / you stupid bitch

xander: real life fighting is awkward / the cringe / i go to the zoo (just a little eating the principal humor for you!) / the buzzing from the bathroom / maybe this dream / what’ll it be

giles: i’ve always never believed in you / don’t be a watcher / i could if i wanted to

anya: a fuckton of cats /i hate everyone but you / scary scary sexy lady / what a rush to be a bride / women gotta stick together

andrew: strip away my conscience / ping pong girl / the moment is me / the end of the movie (this song list makes it clear that i weirdly love andrew, sorry about it) 

tara: hello nice to meet you / it was a shit show 

dawn: no one else is singing my song / thought bubbles 

cordelia: horny angry tango (with xander in s3) :( / research me obsessively / oh my god i think i like you / put yourself first

spike: i’m just a boy in love / nothing is ever anyone’s fault / love kernels 

kennedy: there are no songs for kennedy because rachel bloom is a lesbophobe 

[eisforeidolon]

Episode: The Scar

Weirdly, I actually got a fair amount of enjoyment out of of this episode.  Not because it was good in any way – no, it was so bad it rocketed right past just being merely bad into so-bad-it's-funny territory.  Seriously, if you stop caring about how it's treating the characters we actually know and are invested in as either assholes or idiots, this episode is fucking hilarious.  Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that's entirely unintentional.

Okay, so the part where Dean is making fun of Sam's beard is intentionally funny, and it works as a way of reassuring Sam and the audience that Dean is back to being Dean. That and Dean stripping down to a single layer are likely the only things I enjoyed about this episode as they were intended.  Okay, maybe the nod to Sam's serial killer hobby counts, too.  Other than that?

How the last episode basically ended with Jack giving a big speech saying Dean needs to die if they find Michael, but this one opens with him immediately going in for a hug from Dean and then five minutes later the show acts like we should agree Dean is “a dick” for just saying the literal truth that Jack isn't a trained, physically capable hunter?  With Jack's obvious sad woobie face and shoulders of sadness?  LOL  (Chalk another one up in the column they really do not read each other's scripts.)

Castiel staying behind to try and save the B plot, because now it's not just super epic best ever witches like Rowena who are more powerful than angels.  Nope, now his powers are no match for those of a random-ass witch who was taken down by some “hunter” from the AU world.  LOL  (Seriously, the Winchesters should have just saved themselves the time, hassle, and heartache of fighting the apocalypse and just bribed a couple of rando witches to take out Michael and Lucifer in the first place.)

The episode generally, but Sam especially, going on and on about how Dean just won't talk about things!  He's got to stop repressing!  Look, I'm not saying Sam is ever going to learn that Dean needs more time to process before he's ready to talk than Sam generally likes.  That is an established dynamic, and I can see why it’s frustrating for both brothers.  However, the part where the only amount of time that's passed is the literal time to drive back to the bunker and leave again almost immediately?  Yet it's made out to be a Big Deal Dean Isn't Talking Yet – because asking even a whole day is too much? Not to mention it only gets weirder if you add in that Dean didn't even have time to change clothes yet before it starts to be a thing. And it's not supposed to be weird Sam didn't mention there were a whole fuckton of people living in the bunker in this supposed ocean of time where Dean should have been opening up.  LOL

Then there's the absolute soap opera cheese of Jack deciding to run away, stopping because OMG! A GIRL! Who happens to have also just Learned Her Lesson about running away? That's some epically on-the-nose bad teen after school special nonsense.  I mean the acting was fine, but everything about the writing of this melodramatic time waster of a plot?  LOL

To elaborate further, I can't remember and don't care enough to check if Castiel and rando hunter chick were close enough to hear Jack and teen drama's conversation.  But the idea that literally anyone would take a witch saying her victims were “keeping her young” as a metaphor?  Even if they didn’t hear it then, the idea that neither of them would have talked to the girl themselves or otherwise learned anything about the M.O. of the witch whose “curse” they were trying to fix?  Let alone that neither would notice the goddamn matching necklaces?  Jack is ~*so smart*~ for solving this blatantly obvious Blue's Clues level “mystery” that required everyone around him to be brain dead to not get there first!  LOL

Everything about Beren's terrible Ninja Sue.  The return of the cheesy slo-mo.  That nobody's reported a bunch of heads on stakes in the woods even though Jody is supposedly investigating.  That she's so super special Michael senses her and her McGuffin Spear and tries to recruit her.  That she's so super special he literally physically fights her instead of obliterating her with a thought like the other humans and monsters that have tried to oppose him.  That she's so totally informed awesome she actually wins and gives him the ~*Mysterious Scar of the Mary Sue*~.  That two hunters and Jody are overwhelmed by Michael's monsters so she can come back and save them with more of her ludicrous ninja ballet mad fighting skillz.  Maybe they're trying to make the wire fight look less ridiculous in context by making all of the rest of the show's fights look terrible, too?  LOL

That given this joke of a character knocked out Sam and Dean and was going to feed them to a monster, was trying to kill Claire and sadly missed because reasons, and did kill actual!Kaia?  I'm somehow supposed to feel anything about her other than disappointed Dean only punched her in the face the one time?  Like I'm seriously supposed to give a fuck she's being chased by Michael's monsters?  That suddenly now when we're talking about Dean threatening Beren's precious Super Sue, Sam suddenly cares about harming humans again after the whole BMoL fiasco? That I'm supposed to think bad of Dean and feel sorry for this murderous supposed human who can hold her own against fucking Michael (still funny) ... because she remembers that bizarre moment of Dean pulling a gun on actual!Kaia … farted out by this same fucking quote unquote writer?  LOL

That I'm supposed to take everyone's teary eyes over some teen girl they knew for five minutes seriously. I'm talking about both teen drama in the B plot and Jody’s sob story about how she lost actual!Kaia.  Not to mention the hilarious line about Claire's first love.  Ah, yes, who doesn't love characters having informed relationships with randos they just met being The Most Important Evar?  Has Berens, like, ever had actual relationships with other humans that he really thinks they’re this perfunctory?  In bad fanfic by newbies writing for the first time, maybe even in unashamedly tropey shipfic, but writing relationships like this in an actual show?  LOL

The multiple times Berens made Sam spout really fucking obvious exposition to (just barely) give him something to actually do in the episode, just in case the audience were brain damaged or had slipped into a coma to need it spelled out.  LOL

How I'm not supposed to notice that whatever Not!Kaia is doing, AU!Michael is still out there with a plan they don't know and any lead on something that can hurt him is of primary importance and should be sought out as soon as possible? Oh yeah, focusing on that is definitely something for Dean to apologize for!  LOL

Not to mention how Dean's reason for letting Michael possess him was to save the world from Lucifer as well as Sam and Jack.  It's not like Lucifer was a gigantic threat who was planning to destroy the world himself.  Oh.  It's not like Michael was planning on crossing to their world as soon as he found out it existed.  Oh.  It's not like he made a deal with Lucifer that had him already there, wanting to fuck shit up.  Oh.  Nope, there's absolutely no reason Sam should say a single word to his apparently amnesiac brother.  Yeah, yeah, I know Dean has a guilt complex the size of the known universe, but even still?  It's all my fault.  *crickets*  LOL

I guess Jack’s case of previously hidden mystical consumption isn’t actually funny in and of itself, it’s just really cliché.  Considering how badly the writers have sabotaged anything that even remotely resembles stakes of life and death these past couple seasons though?  The idea I would be able to take the idea of it having any significant, lasting consequences seriously is very much a joke (regardless of spoiler knowledge).

#spn season 14 #spn 14x03 #writer incompetence #negativity for ts #anti robert berens #long post