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possiamo-andare · 4 years

Text

Liar: JJ Maybank

JJ x Reader

(gif made by @rudypankows )

MASTERLIST

word count: over 9k (haha)

a/n: this is very angsty and I barely edited because it's so long. I'm so sorry in advance, the ending kinda sucks. I hope y'all like it tho!

description: this is a one part imagine, involving JJ and the reader (y/n). The reader and JJ meet at a beach party one night and start sleeping with eachother, but only staying friends. Soon, they fall for eachother and a sexual relationship turns into a romantic one. But JJ is hiding something and once it is revealed, will they ever be the same?

You rarely lied. As a kid, you would get hives when you lied to someone; your guilty conscience affecting your body. Lying was typically a very hard thing for you to do. It meant you were betraying someone's trust, and since you couldn't bear upsetting anyone, you couldn't lie. It got you in trouble all the time but your inability to lie was also your greatest strength. People appreciate your honesty and found your personality magnetic.

With that being said, you lied that night and it didn't even hurt you.

He had looked so good, you told yourself that. That was the problem. He had just looked so damn good that night at the beach almost anyone would lie to themselves to get him. Even just a taste.

You wanted to ignore him at first. Maybe if you didn't care enough, he wouldn't notice you. Because, god, if he noticed you, then he'd come over and then you couldn't promise anything. So, you averted your gaze and instead paid attention to Kie as she spoke, telling you about the newest charity she was saving money to donate to. You had, once in a while, glanced his way but he had always been looking somewhere else so you thought that he hadn't noticed your stares. Until, you had accidentally looked his way when he was watching you. You knew it was an honest mistake and something that eventually would've happened since you were looking so often, but you were embarrassed nonetheless. You were trying to convince yourself he didn't even notice you when he walked your way. You felt his eyes burning into you and you mustered every ounce of self control you had and didn't look at him as he walked closer and closer to you and Kie.

When he finally approached, he spoke to Kie first. "Hey Kie." His eyes drifted towards you again, this time a smirk evident on his face. Him watching you made you shift uncomfortably. You knew he was taking you all in.

Kie smiled at him and briefly hugged him. Then she looked at you, a nervous smile on your face, as she introduced you. "This is my friend Y/N. Y/N, this is JJ."

You nodded towards JJ. "Hi." That name sounded familiar but you couldn't quite remember. You went to the same school as Kie, you being a Pogue but getting a scholarship to the academy. You were an intelligent individual but you knew, when it came to boys, you were just about the dumbest person in the world. You'd probably sell your left kidney just for a kiss with this boy you had never met before. It was dumb, but you were a teenager and hopefully would grow out of it.

"Hey, nice to meet you." He extended his hand for you to shake.

You looked down at it and shook it, electricity coursing through your veins.

"What's your last name?"

JJ smirked, sizing you up once more. "Maybank."

JJ Maybank. You had heard about JJ and the things you heard didn't necessarily put a good taste in your mouth. But who were you to judge? Besides he was hot, and you doubted he would ever go for you. This was a harmless feeling.

Except it wasn't. One second, you were talking to JJ about surfing and the next second he was asking if you'd like to come back to his place. It had all happened so fast you were sure you had misunderstood him when he spoke. But then he asked you again and you were surprised. What surprised you even more was that you said yes.

"This is a one time thing." You lied to JJ, untying your shoes at his doorway.

He removed his shirt, pushing his hair out of his face. "Okay." He was smirking at you as you undressed, almost as if he didn't believe what you said.

You believed yourself that night, but soon came to realize that was so far from the truth. That one night had been amazing and you had thought that would be it. But it was not that easy. It never was with JJ. Before you knew it, only a week later, you saw him again. This time with a brunette leaning against him.

You had been invited by Kie again to meet John B. and Pope. You had gladly decided to come, partly because you wanted to meet Kie's other friends and also because you knew JJ would be there. But you hadn't expected him to be kissing someone else. Although you wanted it to be you, you knew that wasn't possible. Besides, why did you care? You were not gonna let some blonde Pogue mess with you. It was one night. It was amazing, but you had told him never again.

Then, it happened again. You were talking to John B. about helping him fix his car when, out of nowhere, JJ entered the conversation. He stood beside you and barely spoke but you felt his presence and that was enough. Once you and him were alone again, the conversation was short.

"Hey." He stated, matter-of-factly.

"Hi." You replied, pushing the hair out of your face.

"Didn't think I'd see you here." JJ smirked, taking a few steps closer to you. You remembered how harshly you swallowed. Boys like JJ rarely made you nervous.

"Well I am." You said defensively. You weren't about to let this boy play you. "Sorry I interrupted your fun with the brunette. What's her name?"

JJ chuckled. "Lacey. And you ruined nothing. To be honest, I wish it was you."

And then, that was it. Again, for the second time, you were in JJ's bed. Your clothes had been torn off before your body had even hit the bed. Shortly after JJ's were too. You barely had time to think, let alone speak but you managed to in between kisses.

"This is the last time." You smirked, both of you now knowing you were lying.

You wished you weren't lying that night. You wished you hadn't slept with JJ again. Maybe, you thought, everything that happened after would've been easier.

After that second night, you and JJ started a relationship. He wasn't your boyfriend, he made that clear to you. You hadn't really wanted him to be anyways. You had just gotten out of a long term relationship and didn't want your heart broken. You chose the wrong guy again because JJ loved breaking hearts. He did it for fun.

The rules were simple. You'd only call each other at night and you would leave right after. No real conversations, no love, just sex. And for a month, that was easy enough. You needed him during that month as much as he needed you. You weren't looking for something serious, just to fool around. You were sick and tired of commitment and heartbreak and just wanted to relax and have fun. JJ never had commitments and enjoyed the company. He hadn't had a girlfriend in ages and there was rarely a girl who wanted this kind of relationship. He was really happy to know that you were that type of girl. And he believed that as long as you continued to be that type of girl, this could go on forever.

Except it didn't.

You weren't really sure when everything changed but if you had to guess, you'd say it was the night he climbed through your bedroom window.

Your parents were out on a date night when you heard tapping on your window. At first you thought it was the tree outside your room but when it persisted, you decided to look for yourself. That's where you found JJ, leaning against your window sill. In a moment of shock, you opened the window and pulled him through. You were so shocked to see him mostly because the rules had been that if he wanted to have sex, he had to call you first. You had just been on your phone and since you hadn't gotten a call or text, you wondered why he was here in the first place. You were so shocked to see him here you almost didn't see his face. But once you did, you couldn't look away.

As he took a seat on the edge of your bed, you gasped. Not only was his face covered in blood and open wounds, he clutched his right side, as if he had broken a rib. You didn't hate blood, you hated the smell. To you, blood smelled like old iron and it made you nauseous. You probably would've become a doctor if it wasn't for the fact that the smell of blood made you nauseous. Maybe it was all the adrenaline of seeing JJ outside your window or the fact that he was badly beaten up, but you didn't feel nauseous when you smelled the blood coming off him. Your mind was too busy to remember to be nauseous.

You went to sit beside him, your hand coming to touch his face. "JJ..." The second your hand touched his cheek, he winced and pulled away.

"My dad got drunk." JJ stated, looking at his feet. He was clearly embarrassed and when you didn't speak, he continued. "I didn't know where to go. John B. is with Sarah and I don't wanna bother Pope or Kie."

You nodded. "I'm gonna get you cleaned up."

You knew JJ's dad was a deadbeat father. Everyone in OBX did. When he wasn't gambling, he was getting piss drunk in his home. A lot of people believed that JJ would bear the brunt of his father's alcoholism but you didn't want to believe it. You didn't want to believe that a father hurt his only child. Your parents weren't the best, being Pogues they rarely parented and you were frequently left to your own devices, but they never laid a finger on you. You didn't want to believe someone as seemingly happy as JJ would be suffering from physical abuse behind closed doors. Now, you knew it to be true.

You wanted to cry for JJ. But you stayed strong and fixed him the best you could. You got some disinfectant and a cloth, with tons and tons of bandages and got to work. First, you washed his face. As the water cleansed his face, your sink started to look like a crime scene. The amount of blood that went down the drain almost made you think that people's water was gonna start to taste like iron. Once his face was washed, you realized that there were only really two big gashes on his face. One, right over his cheek and the other on his forehead. With some disinfectant and bandages, you knew it would heal in a couple of weeks. As for JJ, you didn't know if he would heal.

"This is gonna hurt." You said as you held the cloth you soaked in disinfectant. JJ was sitting on the edge of your bathtub as you spoke to him.

He nodded. "Got any liquor?"

You smiled, shaking your head. "Sorry."

JJ sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "It's whatever."

And with that, you started to disinfect his wounds. At first, he was wincing but the more you cleaned, the less he did. Finally, when the two wounds on his face were clean, you put three bandages on each wound. Then, you moved onto his side, where he was clutching it tenderly. You knew that this was way out of your area of expertise but you wanted to help the best you could. And you knew JJ would never agree to go to a hospital.

"You gotta take off your shirt." You stated, pointing to the bloody shirt he still was wearing.

JJ smirked, looking down. "You want me right now?"

You couldn't help but smile. Even in this state, he could make you laugh. How was he so strong? "No. I need to see if you're hurt anywhere else."

JJ nodded, still smirking as he lifted his shirt over his head. "Anything to see me naked."

You were about to counter with a snarky remark, but you never got the chance. Your breath was caught in your throat when you saw what was underneath JJ's shirt. Where he was clutching his side, was a large purple bruise that expanded through his entire side. It was horrendous and you knew it would turn black before it started to heal but that wasn't even the worst of it. There were smaller bruises all over his stomach and back. They were small but you could tell they were large before and were just starting to heal. You wondered how you didn't see them before. It was dark when you were together but it couldn't have been that dark. Granted, you weren't really looking out to see if there was bruising but you couldn't believe that you had missed these before.

You were silent for minutes and finally, JJ spoke. "I never wanted you to see them. That's why I want to only see you at night."

You looked to JJ's face, his expression unreadable. Although he was expressionless, you were not. Your face was in a deep frown and there were tears pooling in your eyes, threatening to spill over any moment. You wanted to speak, but you didn't know what you could say. What was there to say?

Finally, you found your voice. "JJ..." Your voice was weak and soft, filled with emotion. You reached for his hand but when he realized you were about to cry, he pulled away.

"No," he said defiantly. "Don't get emotional. I'm fine." He was acting so strong. Why?

You nodded, blinking back tears. You refused to cry. "I'll get you some ice. Go lay on my bed."

You barely looked at JJ in the face as you left the bathroom to go get ice. This was too much for you, and it seemed like another normal Saturday night for JJ. You couldn't decide whether to feel so bad for him or angry that he wasn't letting you cry. You knew he was holding back tears, just like you, but he resented that you wanted to cry. You knew you weren't strong like JJ. All this time, all those beatings, and you would've cracked. You would've ran away or worse, but JJ kept going back. That night, your opinion of JJ changed.

The rest of the night consisted of you icing JJ's side and not speaking. You tried to get him to talk but he refused. You started with asking him about why his dad was doing this and for how long but he wouldn't answer you. Then you asked what had happened this time but he didn't want to talk about it. He complained he was tired and just wanted to sleep. You knew this was breaking a rule, but you cuddled beside him, laying your head in his chest to hear his heartbeat. He seemed way more calm when you were beside him.

Finally, after an hour of trying to get him to talk, you spoke for the last time. "Why'd you come to me?"

JJ shrugged one of his shoulders, the other one not moving because it was under your body. "I trust you."

You were shocked but too tired to say anything. You just laid there with him, hoping that you helped take some of the pain away. You hoped you had made some type of difference but you knew that with JJ, you were never sure.

After that night, things were different. JJ started calling you less and less and when you called him, he started making up more excuses. Sometimes you both went a week without speaking to each other and then he blamed it on how busy he was. You rarely hooked up, and when you did, it felt different. There was way more kissing and the kissing was more passionate and longer. Before, you had raced to take your clothes off and now, you let JJ make the first move. You felt different and at first, you thought it was because you felt closer to JJ. He had come to you in a time of need and you now were considered friends. That's why you thought it felt different. But then, JJ started acting very differently and you knew it wasn't just you. He would stay with you afterwards. He used to get dressed before you had time to catch your breath but now, he lingered on your bed and near you. You knew he wanted to stay the night but didn't know how to ask. And you were scared to tell him to stay. You didn't want to scare him.

JJ was not the relationship type of guy but that's basically what you were. You had stopped sleeping with anyone else entirely after that night and focused solely on thinking of JJ. You knew what a crush felt like and you knew that you were developing feelings for JJ. But, it was so hard for you to know if he felt the same way. Sometimes, you were sure he felt the same way. There were days where he couldn't keep his hands off you and was so passionate you couldn't stop smiling. Then there were other days where he wouldn't text you back and didn't answer your calls. You weren't sure if he was sleeping with other girls but you didn't want to ask. If he was, you knew it would hurt you.

Three days before the incident, JJ was having one of those days where he wasn't talking to you. You had texted him to ask him if he was going to Kie's party tonight but he only read it and didn't respond. You had just seen each other the night before and he was so loving and passionate that you thought for sure he felt the same. He had even stayed to cuddle afterward and talk to you about his day. You were smiling and laughing with each other and you were starting to feel like a real couple. Now, he wasn't responding to a simple question you asked. You felt so defeated. You couldn't tell what he was feeling and you felt like you were being strung along. You wanted to sit down and talk to him but you knew JJ and he didn't like that type of stuff. For JJ to even say he was happy was a lot since he rarely talked about his emotions.

That day, you felt used. You knew he was playing you. You convinced yourself, in that moment, that if he likes you he would've already told you. You convinced yourself he didn't like you. You told yourself, if he came to Kie's party, you would ignore him all night and talk to some other guy. There was no reason to wait around for someone who didn't appreciate you.

So, as you got ready for Kie's party, you turned off your phone. If he was gonna try to call or text you, you would make sure you couldn't see it. It would be way too tempting to keep your phone open. As you buttoned your shorts, you continued to tell yourself that this was for your own good. There's no point in being with someone who couldn't even decide if they liked you or not.

When you got to Kie's party, you instantly looked for alcohol. If you wanted to distract yourself, alcohol was your best option right now. You were halfway done with your second cup when Kie found you.

"Hey honey." She said, slowly taking the drink out of your hands. You fought her grasp for a second but when she started to glare at you, you let the cup go.

You plastered on a fake smile. "Hi Kie."

She threw out the remainder of your drink before hugging you tightly. "You're gonna need to be sober tonight."

You frowned, your brain already a bit foggy. "Why?"

Kie let go of you, glancing at the beach for a moment before looking back at you. "Rafe is here."

You wanted to gasp, but it came out more as a hiccup. Unfortunately, Rafe was your ex. You were together for a year before he cheated on you with someone else. You and Rafe had many great memories together but they were all tainted by the fact that he had cheated on you. Kie had told you from the beginning that a Pogue and a Kook dating was not a good idea but you were dumb and did it anyways. The good thing about Kie is that she never said I told you so. She just hugged you until you stopped crying. Now, you had to face Rafe for the first time since you broke up months ago.

Surprisingly, you reacted normally. You shrugged, looking behind you to John B., who was handling the keg. "JB! Can ya get me another cup?"

John B. looked over to Kie, who was glaring at him. John B. knew not to mess with Kie. He then looked back to you and shook his head. "Sorry."

You frowned, glaring at Kie. "Seriously?"

Kie just smirked. "You need to be on your best behavior."

You shrugged, a devilish idea popping onto your mind. "I will."

Kie frowned. "I know that look."

You smiled, the idea in your head about to turn into a reality. "Step aside."

Kie shook her head but you were quick to push her away and walk ahead of her, straight in the direction of Rafe. Kie followed behind you, pleading for you not to talk to him. You had never resolved your problems with Rafe and you knew that was something he wanted to do. So, in an effort to get a rise out of JJ, you were gonna talk to Rafe. You knew he was somewhere at this party and if he saw you and his nemesis speaking again, you hoped he would cause a scene. It was a shitty thing to do but it was the only way to know how JJ truly felt about you.

Once you got closer to the ocean, you spotted Rafe. He was sipping on a red cup, probably filled with beer, as he talked to Topper. When he saw you, he almost spit out his drink. You locked eyes for a moment before Kie stepped in front of you, blocking your view of him.

"No way. He cheated Y/N." Kie said, grabbing a hold of your hand.

You nodded. "I know."

Kie had a confused look on her face. "Then why talk to him?"

You looked over her shoulder and started to watch as Rafe made his way over to you. "Because of JJ."

Kie looked even more confused for a moment but then caught on. She had only suspected that there was something going on between the two of you but had no proof. Your omission right there was enough proof.

"Don't do this." Kie argued again, trying to convince you that this entire situation was a bad idea. She had seen what a jealous JJ was capable of and she knew if he felt even some feelings for you, this would not end well.

"If JJ can't admit his feelings towards me, I'll just talk to someone you will." You said to Kie, finally looking away from her one last time.

Right behind Kie stood Rafe. The red cup in his hand before was now gone and he was smiling at you. He had come tonight knowing you'd probably be here. He knew he had made a mistake and was willing to fix it between the two of you. You were always such a good girlfriend and he missed hanging out with you. He hoped you were open to fixing things too.

"Hey." Rafe said, causing Kie to turn around. She took one look at Rafe and rolled her eyes before looking back at you. You smiled at her and she sighed, walking away. Kie was done. If this is what you wanted, there was no way to stop you.

"Hi Rafe." You giggled, twirling your hair around your finger. You needed to be extra flirty with Rafe. The more you acted like you still liked him, you hoped the more upset JJ would be.

"I wanted to talk to you. I hoped we could talk about what happened." He said, stepping closer to you.

You nodded, holding back a gag. Truth be told, there was nothing on this earth that could make you like Rafe again. "Sure."

"I just wanna say how fucking sorry I am." Rafe began, grabbing your hand. You wanted to flinch but you didn't. "I was such a fool and I realize that now. I want you back Y/N."

You smiled, pretending to be happy with what he was saying. To be honest, you wanted to gag. The boy had cheated on you for half of your relationship with a girl that, as far as you knew, he was still seeing. There was no way in hell you would ever take him back. He didn't have to know that. You felt like it was justice now. Maybe Rafe was getting what he deserved.

Before you could speak and tell Rafe you were willing to give him a chance, you felt two hands on your arm. The hands grabbed where Rafe was holding your arm and ripped you both away. You recognized the person immediately. It was JJ, and he was fuming. He barely even looked at you as he made his way to stand in front of you, standing in between you and Rafe.

JJ turned to you, his brows furrowed and his jaw set. "What the hell are you doing?"

You rolled your eyes. "Just talking to Rafe."

Rafe moved from behind JJ to beside him. He grabbed a hold of JJ's shoulder and tried to move him. JJ didn't budge, still glaring at you. You knew it was working. Finally, you had some type of answer. JJ had unresolved feelings for you. Now, he just had to admit it.

"Why?" JJ questioned, glaring at Rafe for a moment before looking to you again. Although he was mad, you could tell his expression softened when he looked at you.

Before you could speak, Rafe grabbed a hold of JJ's shoulders and pushed him away from me. Then, Rafe spoke. "We're trying to work shit out."

JJ moved out of the way but only enough for Rafe to squeeze forward. You kept your eyes on JJ, who was now beyond confused. Rafe was speaking to you again but you tuned him out and watched as JJ tried to figure out why the hell you would want to work things out with Rafe. Finally, it seemed to click. When it did, JJ grabbed your hand and pulled you away from Rafe. Your hand felt as if it was on fire and you wanted to smile so badly but you kept the frown on your face. Rafe tried to follow you but JJ stood in front of him so your eyes were only on JJ's now.

As you looked into his eyes, he grabbed a hold of your shoulders and brought you close to him. "If you want to know how I feel, just ask me."

Rafe spoke up now. "What the fuck are you -"

"Rafe!" You spoke up, glaring at Rafe for a moment. You tore your gaze away from JJ for a moment only to finally give Rafe a piece of your mind. "I'd only get back together with you if we were the last two people on earth, and maybe not even then."

Rafe was taken aback. He had definitely not thought you were going to act so rude but you could care less. "JJ..." Rafe began to say but JJ ignored him. You didn't know why Rafe was so confused by JJ's reaction but you didn't care. JJ was about to tell you how he felt and that was all that mattered.

There was nothing for Rafe to say to make you like him and he knew it. So, with that, he turned and left. Finally, your eyes were back on JJ.

"You have to tell me." You said, crossing your arms over your chest.

JJ smirked, cupping your face in his hands. "You have to ask me."

You rolled your eyes. "How do you feel?"

JJ smiled this time, pulling you closer. "I like you Y/N. A lot."

You smiled back, wanting to scream for joy. Finally, there was no more confusion. "I like you too. A lot."

Finally, the two of you kissed. There was no more confusion or lies. It was just you and JJ, kissing. This kiss was different. It was full of promises. You liked each other, for real now, and you were not afraid to admit it. This is what it felt like to kiss someone you liked you, wholeheartedly. Someone who wanted you. Someone who cared. It had been so long since you had kissed someone who had cared about you.

That weekend before the incident, was probably the best weekend of your life. It was just you and JJ the entire weekend. The first two days were spent at your house. You just stayed together, half naked, talking and laughing and watching tv. There was no drama or confusion. It was just you and him. The kisses felt so real. The feelings felt so good. You felt a little more whole. You felt as though JJ felt the same. Those two days at your house were not only passionate but they were also a time where you got to know one another. This entire time, the both of you didn't know much about each other. Those two days in your house were spent getting to know each other. You learned that JJ loved fixing cars and wanted to own a hot tub one day. You knew his favourite colour and his favourite sport. And finally he opened up about his dad. When the abuse began, when it got worse and even what instigated his father that night he came to your house. You didn't cry and neither did he. You just soaked in his words and let him say his peace before comforting. JJ had opened up to you more in those two days than he had since he met you. You knew why. It was because you finally were a couple and he finally could be honest with someone. To JJ, it was the best feeling in the world. But, even as he spoke to you, he knew he was lying between his teeth.

The third day, you both had been at JJ's house. His dad had gone south for the weekend to gamble so you and JJ decided to get some fresh air and stay in his backyard for the day. There was only one lawn chair in his backyard but you both made it work. JJ sat down on it as you sat on his lap and cuddled onto him. For a couple of hours, you just laid there with him, talking at different times about everything. You felt so free now and you believed JJ felt the same. You knew it was because everything was out in the open. Everything had been said and anything that hadn't was still being developed. Even if it was just you and JJ laying on a chair, you still felt excited. You were with JJ and not scared anymore. You knew how he felt and it just felt so good to be wanted. It had felt like it had been a lifetime since you felt wanted.

When the sun finally set, you knew you had to say goodbye. Your parents were probably worried for you and JJ's dad would be back the next morning. The weekend was coming to an end and you were so upset. You and JJ had been in this bubble the entire weekend and you didn't want to break it. It was so hard to say goodbye. It took you and JJ ten minutes to say goodbye. You made plans to see each other tomorrow but it still felt like such a long time. You stood on JJ's front lawn for ten minutes, kissing and hugging each other until you were the first to pull away. You knew if you didn't get home soon, your parents would ground you.

"I gotta go." You whined as JJ kissed you again.

He wasn't letting you go. "No."

You pried away from his grip. You didn't want to leave. Being with JJ always made you feel better, even more so now. "I gotta. I'll see you tomorrow."

Finally, JJ lets you leave. With one last kiss, you turn away from him and walk away. As you walk down JJ's block, there's an evident smile on your face. You probably look like a crazy woman to the neighbours but you could care less. It had been a long road, through so much confusion, but you finally were with JJ.

You thought back to the time when you first met JJ. You had promised him it was a one time thing and you knew it was a lie. It felt like years ago when you first met him when in reality, it had only been a couple of months. You pictured his face the first time you met him. He had the devilish smirk on his face and his pupils were dilated. You remembered how you felt, and it didn't compare to how you felt now. You had never felt this strong about someone in ages and it felt so good to be appreciated. You had known that night, whether you'd admit it or not, that JJ was going to change your life. You had texted Kie that night and told her -

Your phone.

As you made your way onto the steps of your house, you remembered you forgot your phone at JJ's house. Dammit. You sighed and opened your front door, hoping your parents would let you go back quickly to get it.

Thankfully, your parents were sitting in your living room when you entered your house. They greeted you quietly but you told them you can't stay because they remembered you forgot your phone at Kie's house. You had told them you were at Kie's house and of course, they believed you. Your dad warned you to be quick and soon and you promised that you would. You were out the door and down your steps before your parents had time to warn you again.

Although it was inconvenient to walk all the way back to JJ's house, you couldn't help but smile. Not only would it be a cute surprise but you also wanted to see JJ again. You had missed him already.

You raced back to JJ's house and made it in ten minutes, cutting your travel time in half. You were desperate to see him again, even if it was only for five minutes. Your excitement died down once you saw JJ's house.

The first thing you noticed that was out of place was that there was a BMW in JJ's driveway. JJ didn't have a car, let alone a BMW. That was something a Kook had. You looked at the license plate and it seemed familiar but you couldn't place it. As you passed the car, you slowed down. Something about this car made your body go cold, even on a hot summer night like this. Your gut was telling you something, but you didn't want to believe it.

You somehow knew that you had to be quiet. As you made your way up the steps of JJ's house, you tiptoed towards the door. The closer you got, the more you realized that the door was slightly open, a glimmer of light from the house spilling into the darkness of night. You leaned forward, peeking through the slightly ajar door, hoping to get a glimpse of what was going on.

"Don't!" You heard JJ yell, his figure coming into the limited space you could see. He was yelling at someone that you couldn't see.

"Why? Because you know she'll hate you?" The voice made you gasp softly. You knew who it was. It was Rafe. It was Rafe's car that was in the driveway. Why was he here? And who were they talking about?

"Shut your fucking mouth!" JJ seethed, grabbing ahold of Rafe's collar and finally pulling him into your eyesight.

Rafe pushed JJ off of him, shoving him into the wall. You wanted to scream but you knew if you did, you'd never find out what they were talking about. "If you don't tell her, I will."

JJ looked so defeated. You wanted to reach out to him. "Please don't. I love her."

You knew who they were talking about now. It was you. JJ had done something only Rafe knew about. It was something he knew you'd hate him for. What could he have done?

Rafe played with his keys in his hand. "I paid you to go out with her only for you to break her heart. So she'd come back to me. What was so fucking hard about that? Not my fault you love her. I want my money back."

Rafe paid him? No. You couldn't believe it. Wouldn't. Everything felt so real. JJ's feelings felt real. You knew it was too good to be true. Even before he approached you for the first time, you had a feeling he would never like you. When he showed interest, you were surprised. When he approached you the second time, you were even more surprised. It all made sense now. Why was JJ so reluctant to like you, why he pulled you away from Rafe when you were trying to talk to him at Kie's party. He was playing you. But it all felt so real.

You must've gasped really loud because JJ and Rafe heard you from inside. JJ had swung the door open, scared to see who was on the other side. He knew if it was you, it would be over for him. When he saw you, crying, he realized what he had done.

When you saw JJ reach out for you, you moved away. He disgusted you. How could he? How could Rafe? Granted, Rafe was an asshole but at least he wore it on his sleeve. JJ had tricked you. And you could never forgive him. You backed away from both JJ and Rafe, slowly moving down JJ's steps.

"Y/N..." JJ began, following you down the steps. Rafe just watched behind JJ, clearly enjoying the misery he caused.

"Get away from me." You seethed, tears rolling down your face so fast. God, you felt sick. You felt so nauseous. Everything was a lie.

"I'm so sorry." JJ frowned, tears in his eyes. He seemed to shrink down as he walked towards you. The closer he walked though, the farther you walked.

"You liar!" You screeched, your voice raspy. You could barely breathe. It hurt so much.

JJ shook his head, his arms out towards you. "No, no. I love you Y/N."

You shook your head, wrapping your hands around your body, hugging yourself. You closed your eyes for a moment and stopped walking. This couldn't be real. You didn't want it to be real.

You felt JJ come closer to you, finally wrapping his arms around you. You let him embrace you, even if you didn't hug him back. This was the last time he would touch you. The last time he'd hurt you. God, you had been so stupid.

The hug only lasted ten seconds because the second you collected yourself, you pushed him away. He looked so hurt, tears running down his face. You wanted to hug him, you still had feelings for him, but you knew you couldn't. He betrayed you. He lied to you.

"You're a liar." You said coldly, finally turning around and running away.

You ran and ran and ran. Away from JJ's house and away from Rafe. Away from everything that you once loved. You didn't even stop to catch your breath, your mind wouldn't let you. You believed that maybe if you ran far enough, you wouldn't be in so much pain. You wanted to run away from all your problems.

You made it to your house in record time. By the time you entered your home, your parents were gone. They left a note on your bed saying that they went out for the night and would be back by midnight. You didn't care. You used to care. You used to leave you but it seemed as if everyone was leaving you recently.

You curled up into a ball on your bed and closed your eyes. Once your eyes were closed, you blocked the images of JJ that flooded your mind. You remembered you hadn't gotten your phone but you didn't care. You just wanted to sleep. You cried so much your chest was starting to hurt and you knew the only way for all of this to stop, was for you to rest your body and mind. It was easy for you to fall asleep. Your eyelids were already droopy from all the crying that it only took a couple of minutes for you to fall asleep. Once you did, you slept the entire night. You started to dream about JJ, but you stopped yourself. Your brain wasn't ready for that yet. You needed time.

And this is where you were now. You hadn't talked to JJ in two days. Kie had come by to drop your phone off and she tried to comfort you but you didn't speak. It was hard to comfort someone who didn't want to be comforted. You felt so empty. You felt stupid too. You had been so eager to trust JJ, even when Rafe had betrayed your trust already. But you were a good person. You guessed this was your punishment.

When Kie couldn't comfort you, John B. had tried to come over. At first, you didn't want to let him in, but with some coaxing, you finally opened your door to him.

You wanted to ask how JJ was but you told yourself you shouldn't care anymore. He wasn't yours anymore. He never was.

John B., tired of the silence, was the first to speak. "JJ is a wreck."

This got your attention. You had hoped he was. So were you. You didn't say anything to John B. when he said this, just nodded solemnly.

"I've never seen him like this. He's really sorry." John B. said, sitting down beside you.

You scowled. "Did you only come here to make me feel shitty? JJ lied to me. He betrayed me. I could care less if he was dying."

John B. didn't even react to what you were saying, almost as if he knew you were going to say that. "Yeah. I know. I wanted to come to see how you were doing, but I'd be lying if I said JJ didn't want me to come to see how you were doing."

You looked at John B., the scowl replaced with a frown. "If he wants to talk to me, he can come here himself." You didn't want him to, but you knew the only way to end this was to tell JJ yourself.

John B. nodded. "When can he meet you then?"

You had decided with John B. that you were going to meet JJ at the beach, where you first met. You guessed it was only fitting. You had gotten ready a couple hours before you were set to meet with him. You wanted to look a bit presentable, only to show JJ that you looked better than he did. Even if it was not true, you wanted to appear like you moved on. You put on some makeup and changed into a new tank top with black shorts, praying to God that you looked a little better than you were. You wanted to appear as if you had healed, even if you hadn't.

Waiting on the beach was absolute torture. You had been ten minutes early which was your fault entirely. You wanted to have some control over the situation, even though you knew you weren't in control. As you waited, you began to feel yourself start to cry. You couldn't believe how much everything changed. Only days ago you and JJ were together and happy, and now you could barely think about him without crying. Everything has gone so messed up. Although you desperately wanted to go back to the time where you two were still together, you knew that you couldn't do that. You had the truth now and as much as those old memories were good, you didn't want to forget the truth. You would come here with only one purpose. You needed to end things with JJ completely.

JJ was late by three minutes. You wanted to be upset but you know why he was late. You knew he wanted to prolong this conversation because he knew why you wanted to talk to him. You were here to end things for good and JJ didn't want that. By the time he finally arrived on the beach, he prepared himself. You were doing the same.

Once he was close enough, you spoke first. "Hello." You were cold as you spoke, almost as if you were talking to a stranger.

JJ knew he deserved this kind of behaviour from you but it still hurt him deeply. With every ounce of being he had in him, he replied. "Hi."

"I think you know why I want to talk to you." You said, the coldness in your voice still evident. You are afraid that if he even showed a small hint of emotion, you would break down and start crying all over again.

JJ nodded, tears in his eyes. He knew how stupid he was. When Rafe had come up to him before the beach party, he had been planning to take this other girl named Lacey out but he had offered JJ $2,000 just to break some girl's heart. JJ did that shit for free and to get money for it oh, it seemed like a deal. He slept with you once and although he felt something, he ignored it. He got his money but Rafe was still unhappy because you hadn't reached out to him yet. So Rafe told JJ to hook up with you a second time but this time JJ didn't ask for any money. It felt wrong in JJ's eyes. He actually had a good time with you. You were a good person and it felt wrong. But he liked you enough to continue sleeping with you. Not for Rafe, before himself. After that night where you patch him up, he knew he couldn't deny his feelings for you anymore. He went back and forth in his mind, debating whether he should pursue things with you or not. You had made it clear many times that you felt something for him and although he felt something for you, there was a little voice in his head telling him that what he was doing screwed up because he hadn't liked you at first. There were so many times where he wanted to tell you but he didn't want to ruin anything because for the first time he actually ever felt happy with someone. Then he ruined everything. And now you never want to speak to him again.

JJ wanted to explain everything to you in detail and try to make you understand the situation that he was put in. There was no point though. He still had done a screwed-up thing to you and he didn't deserve you.

"After tonight, I never want to talk to you again." You said plainly, crossing your arms over your chest. The sun was setting soon and you knew you should be getting home. But you needed one more thing from JJ. "Why'd you do it?"

JJ had been looking at his feet the entire time but when you said this he finally made eye contact with you. "Do what?"

You let a tear slide down your cheek and you watched as JJ frowned even more. "Why did you just break my heart like Rafe wanted? Why did you string me along?"

JJ sighed, looking at the ocean before getting the courage to look at you. He had hurt you beyond repair. He knew that there was nothing he could say, nothing he could do, to get you to forgive him. So he didn't sugar coat it. He just told you the truth.

"I could care less about you at first. I had seen you hanging out with Kie so many times before that first party and I thought you were cute but you were Kie's friend. Then race told me his plan and said he'd give me $2,000 if I could break your heart. I never cared about anyone. I was selfish. So at first, I did it. And it was easy. But you are so easy to love Y/N. You're kind and gentle. You didn't ask many questions when I came over to your house that night covered in cuts and bruises. You never pushed me to talk about my feelings because you knew that was not something that I was comfortable with. No one has done that. And I realized what I had been missing. But Rafe realized that you didn't love him anymore. He tried to get me to do it again and even offered more money but something told me not to do it." JJ took a moment to breathe, looking at the tears sliding down your face. He wondered what you were thinking. "It's so easy to be with you. I'm not easy to be around. I'm selfish and I'm cruel. I'm reckless. But you love me so much that you were patient. I know I should have told you. But it was so easy to be with you, that I didn't think I would be able to live without you. I'm sorry."

You didn't know how to react. This was the most JJ had ever expressed his feelings towards you. You'd be lying if you said you weren't surprised. You didn't know if it was enough though. You wondered if anything he did would be enough.

When you didn't respond to him, JJ knew. It wasn't enough. He loved you and he said all those nice things, but it wasn't enough. He was a liar and he betrayed you too deeply for you to forgive him. He understood. He didn't blame you. He didn't say anything else. He doubted you wanted to hear his voice ever again. He made no sound as he turned away from you and left. As he walked to the boardwalk and passed the beach, he couldn't help but cry. Although he had cried before, this time he knew it was the end. It wasn't enough.

You didn't know why JJ left. You are still trying to take in all those things that he said and by the time that you did, you realized that he was gone. You scanned the beach in the boardwalk and finally found him a hundred yards away. He didn't want to forgive him. You had come here tonight to make him hurt. You had come to end things completely. You had told yourself that no matter how much he pleaded, you were still going to walk away. But as much as you didn't want to admit it, you knew JJ and you knew when he was lying and when he wasn't. He wasn't lying now you knew he wasn't lying when you guys were together. He had screwed up. He had started a relationship with you for the wrong reasons. But he loved you. He loves you so much that he was willing to walk away if that made you happy. But you realized it didn't make you happy. And you wondered why you wanted to walk away in the first place. JJ had done all that terrible stuff before he knew you. And although it would take so much time for you to completely heal, you need JJ. So you ran after him.

"JJ!" You screamed, running closer and closer towards the boy you loved.

JJ stopped dead in his tracks. He thought his brain was playing tricks on him. But when you called for him the second time, he knew it was true. You had chased after him. You still wanted him. What had he done to deserve that? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

When he turned around, he saw you run to him. His tears instantly stopped and a huge smile fell over his lips. You had still loved him. You had run such a long way and JJ felt bad so he ran to you, trying to close to distance faster. Once you were close enough to touch, JJ reached out for you. When you reached out for him, he grabbed ahold of you, pulling you into a big hug. You both stood there for a moment, trying to catch your breath as you hugged. JJ was smiling so wide.

Once you caught your breath, you let go of JJ. You looked at him, his hands coming up cup your cheeks. He was smiling so wide and you felt yourself smiling too.

"You're easy to love too."

JJ didn't say anything, just pulled you close for a kiss. When your lips touched, you felt whole again. It would take some time but you needed JJ. And he needed you.

"I love you." JJ said, smiling wide.

You nodded, pulling him close. "I love you."

And you both weren't lying.

taglist: @jjmaybanxx @teamnick

#jj maybank #outer banks #jj obx #jj outer banks #obx fanfiction #obx #obx netflix #john b obx #john b outer banks #john b routledge #obx kiara #kiara carrera #kiara outer banks #pope obx #pope outer banks #pope heyward #obx rafe #jj x y/n #jj x reader

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gamerwoo · 5 years

Text

[EXO Imprinted] Sehun: Alpha Male

Anonymous asked: I request sehun imprinted the way you wanna do it :)

Characters: Sehun x female reader (featuring bts and ocs)

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, fluff, angst, very slight crack, guns, injuries

Word count: 6,265

Summary: The only person Sehun will ever submit to is his alpha, and even then, he gives Junmyeon a hard time. So when his mate ends up being the alpha of another pack, he wants to prove that he can be independent by going up against the leader of the werewolf hunters that you and your pack are running away from.

a/n: things in bold are in English (and I know there are gonna be a lot of ocs mentioned but you don’t need to specifically remember them or anything. as long as u know they in reader’s pack, ur good). This part is kind of all over the place though, especially the second half. And it wasn’t proof read at all (like most things I write) so it’s an even bigger mess lmao.

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You wouldn’t have done this if you weren’t desperate. As a female alpha, you didn’t want to ask help from others, because that’s exactly what the males would expect from a girl. Any other werewolves you’d happen to come across never treated you with respect despite the fact that a female alpha was all but completely unheard of. You were smaller -- even if in your human form you were around 5′9, your wolf form was definitely smaller than the rest of your pack’s -- not as strong, and well, you were a girl. So you felt like you had something to prove, and you wanted to do things either with the help of your pack, or with no help at all.

Your pack was nine strong, counting yourself. Olan, Minjoon, Airou, Ataru, Hanjin, Samuri, Jaejin, and Chansol respected you and protected you as their alpha. They never questioned you or your gender, even when you had first found them. Sure, they were surprised at first, but who wouldn’t be meeting a female alpha when everyone thought those were just tall tales passed down by other werewolves? Even Olan, who was older than you, respected you as if you were his elder.

However, with Olan being the oldest in the pack, he was also kind of the wisest, which was partly why he was your right-hand man. He was this big Thai dude -- hence, his name being Olan, which he explained meant ‘great or large’ in Thai -- that honestly had kind of found you when you came to Korean. He was already a werewolf, and you had yet to shift. Running into him seemed to set off some alpha instinct that was deep down inside you, and you shifted right in front of him.

But with him being the wisest meant that he was the one to tell you that he thought your current idea was the dumbest thing you could do.

“Do you really think a random pack of werewolves will want to help us?” he questioned in a harsh, low tone even though nobody else could understand him other than you. “We’re nobodies who don’t even live around here.”

“Would you rather take on a group of werewolf hunters then?” you snapped as you walked down the street to the address you were given by a helpful stranger. “Look, Olan, there’s power in numbers. Currently, we only have one more than these hunters, and that means we’re still easy prey. We need to outnumber them, and even if they say no, we have a better chance getting out alive talking to a pack of werewolves than we do going up against silver bullets.”

“I’d rather take my chances with a bullet than 9 werewolves...” he grumbled.

You stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, making your entire pack halt as they watched the argument between you and Olan. They weren’t sure what it was even about -- the Japanese brothers picked up only a few words, but not nearly enough to figure out what you were mad about -- but just your tone had them shrinking back and backing down.

“My mind’s already made up, and we’re already almost there, so you can either shut up or go back home and hope you don’t get killed,” you growled, your eyes starting to spot red through your brown contacts. “End. Of. Discussion.”

Olan gave a small nod, having no choice but to obey his alpha, “Right. Sorry, _____...”

You heard Chansol whisper, “what was that about,” but you kept walking instead of addressing it. You were almost at the address anyway, so there was no point in talking about Olan’s objections.

After a few more minutes of walking in silence other than the members of your pack talking quietly to each other, you arrived at the address you were given. You looked up at the large house, frowning slightly. You figured anybody home would’ve sensed other werewolves nearby and would’ve been prepared for this. Then again, it was kind of late at night so maybe they were asleep or too close to it to realize.

You stepped up to the door and knocked. The rest of your pack gathered somewhat farther behind you, though Olan was right behind you in case anything happened as soon as the door opened.

The person that answered the door was a man -- as you expected -- with a round face, full heart-shaped lips, and short dark hair. You knew he just sensed the alpha all over you from the quirk in his brow, but he didn’t question it.

“Can I help you?” he wondered.

“Actually," you began, “that’s exactly what we’re hoping for.”

Sehun hated being the ‘pup’ as his pack loved to call him. He didn’t like the teasing -- the babying was alright, but he wouldn’t actually tell them that -- and he didn’t like that he had to take orders not only from his alphas, but from the rest of the pack because he was the youngest.

Currently, he was upstairs in his room trying to get homework done so he could be away from the pack. They’d been teasing him all night because of some comment Baekhyun’s mate has said toward him. It got the rest of them riled up to start with the ragging.

There was a group of hunters that apparently were going around. The pack had heard word they’d shot a werewolf a few towns over, so they weren’t necessarily in any danger. But still, Junmyeon was taking precautions, especially since they had mates in the house.

“Sehun, get home before dark.”

“Sehun, don’t leave the house alone.”

What was he, a child? He was still a college student which meant he was an adult. They couldn’t boss him around like that.

Except they could. They were werewolves and his instincts told him to listen.

At the moment, his instincts were telling him somebody new was in the house. He could hear it and smell it. But he did smell something faintly sweet, like the best scent he’d ever smelled. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he also wasn’t inclined to go investigate. He was sure he’d just be met with Junmyeon telling him to finish his homework or something. So he put in his headphones instead and went back to work.

Only a few minutes later, his door was opened by Jongin. The second youngest looked kind of excited but Sehun couldn’t gather why.

“Junmyeon wants all of us downstairs,” he reported.

Sehun groaned but took his headphones out and got up from his desk. Of course, the one time he figures he should stay upstairs, he gets the opposite.

Coming down the stairs, the sweet smell was growing stronger. Still, Sehun wasn’t sure what it was. It wasn’t anything he’d smelled before, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t what Minseok and Baekhyun had told them about from when they first met their--

Sehun rounded the corner, eyes landing on a tall girl standing with her back to him. Everything froze as he just stared, unable to peel his eyes away.

But then you turned around, sensing that same strange presence behind you. Your golden eyes zeroed in on this tall wolf in black jeans and a blue button-up with sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was staring at you like he was seeing the world for the first time, and you were sure you were giving him the same look.

You had imprinted on each other, and the whole room was full of werewolves who knew exactly what was happening, smirks on their faces.

Sehun wasn’t sure what to do next. Did he say hello? Introduce himself? Say something smooth like compliment your appearance?

Instead, what came out of his mouth was a question.

“S-so...wha-what do you want?”

‘So smooth, Sehun. So very smooth.’

You let out a laugh that seemed to break the tension in the room, shaking your head.

“They’re here for our help, lover boy,” Minseok told him with a teasing tone. “Sit down.”

Sehun frowned at being told what to do again, but he took a seat on the couch by Chanyeol, looking across the room where the pack you belonged to continued to stand before his pack. You and who he assumed was your alpha -- some tall guy who definitely looked like he could take on like, three werewolves at once in his human form -- stood in front of the rest of your pack.

“Should we have the girls down here for this?” Yixing wondered, recalling how Junmyeon had Minseok bring them upstairs when he sensed that strange wolves had shown up at their doorstep.

The alpha just shook his head, “The less they have to worry about, the better. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.”

Kyungsoo looked back at the new pack, “Now that everybody’s here, you should explain what happened again.”

To Sehun’s surprise, instead of the alpha speaking, you did.

“The werewolf hunters have been after us since we’re a smaller pack. They already cornered Ataru, and he was lucky only two of them were there. He barely escaped before he was seriously injured. We know they’ve been following us and keeping tabs, so we made sure the coast was clear before we came here.”

That explained why it was so late at night, Sehun figured.

“But we don’t have any way to defend ourselves,” you continued. “We have nine, and while they have eight, those numbers are still too close for comfort. We’re still pretty easy targets and they know that. They’re going to come after us until they finally get us and kill all of us. We need help to scare them away at least.”

“We don’t expect you to kill any of them for us or anything,” the man clarified.

“So you’re leading them to us?” Baekhyun asked.

“No,” you quickly told him, “we made sure they weren’t watching us when we left.”

“We did surveillance!” the two boys that looked virtually identical grinned at the same time.

Most of Junmyeon’s pack eyed them, giving them odd looks before looking back to you and Olan.

“If we do help,” Junmyeon began, making sure to put plenty of emphasis on the first word, “we’ll need time to come up with a plan.”

“Well, we have limited time,” Olan spoke up beside you. “We don’t know when they’ll come after us again. We just recently got a new member of our pack, and we know they’ll more than likely target him since he’s still young.”

You already knew Chansol was frowning somewhere behind you. He hated feeling like he was being babied or spoken of like he was a baby.

“Why don’t we just go confront them?” Sehun suggested, shrugging like the idea of going up against eight werewolf hunters was nothing. “Together, there’s way more of us than them.”

His pack exploded with comments of how crazy that idea was and how they would just get injured or worse. They needed a plan, and Sehun must’ve been dumb to think they could just go without a plan of attack. But Junmyeon hushed them before speaking up himself.

“We can’t just go in there and start a war we’re unprepared for,” the alpha explained. “Even if we only have a limited amount of time, we need to think of a plan. For now..._____, why don’t you and your pack stay here? It isn’t safe for all of you to go home this late at night, and we can start planning first thing in the morning.”

“Hyung, can we fit everybody...?” Jongdae wondered.

“If we put multiple people in a room, then yes,” Junmyeon answered in a tone that said his decision was final. “Plus, we have the living room.”

“I already know who Sehunnie’s rooming with,” Baekhyun giggled.

Your eyes met Sehun’s again, only to see his cheeks were a soft shade of pink. You smiled to yourself, deciding your mate was absolutely adorable.

“So...what’s your name?” Sehun asked when it was just the two of you in his bedroom.

While he seemed nervous, you weren’t that nervous about it. He could also tell you weren’t nervous as you walked around his room, slowly taking everything in and gathering as much information about your mate as you could. He just watched you from his desk chair.

“_____; _____ _____,” you told him, your golden eyes not leaving the few framed pictures he had on a shelf bolted to his wall. “What about you? Tell me about yourself?”

“Aren’t you gathering data on me right now? You look like your scanning my walls like a computer,” he chuckled.

You smirked, turning to face him, “That’s what I look like?”

“A little,” he shrugged. “Well, my name’s Oh Sehun, I’m 25, and I’m the youngest in my pack.”

“Aw,” you cooed, “you’re the puppy!”

He automatically began to sulk, “Don’t you start, too.”

You laughed at your mate, going to sit on his bed, “If it helps, about half my pack is younger than you.”

Sehun smirked, “Does that include you?”

Finally, he wouldn’t have to be bossed around by somebody. Not that he would use the opportunity to boss you around, but he definitely was happy you couldn’t do it to him.

But your words had the smirk falling right off his face.

“But I’m the alpha of my pack.”

Alpha? A female alpha? Those existed? Not that there was a problem with it, he was just...well, surprised. He didn’t realize that the aura of authority he was catching onto was coming from you and not the large werewolf beside you.

He let out a groan, letting his head fall back, realizing this meant you could, in fact, boss him around as much as you wanted. And the kicker was that he would have to listen. You were a higher rank than him. Much higher.

From a few of the rooms down the hall, you could hear loud laughter. Even downstairs, some members of his pack were snorting in amusement.

Baekhyun’s voice was loud and clear as he giggled, “Sehun’s still the baby!”

Meeting your mate wasn’t like starting a new relationship. You mostly skipped all the awkwardness and all the shyness of a new relationship. Both of you were werewolves, so you already felt that love and comfortableness around each other. So sleeping in Sehun’s bed with him was like sleeping beside somebody you’d been dating for a year already. It felt normal and comfortable and just nice.

But living with Sehun’s pack was another story.

They were louder than your pack, and that was coming from an alpha who had to deal with identical twins. You weren’t sure if Baekhyun, Chanyeol, or the loud-mouthed girl that you could hear in the kitchen were the loudest, but the three of them made it impossible to sleep any longer.

“Do they ever shut up?” you groaned, trying to push your face farther into the pillows.

You knew Sehun was awake too because he whined and rolled over, covering his face with the blanket.

“No,” he sighed.

But then the twins joined in, and it was like a chaotic Hell had opened just for you.

“Do they ever shut up?” your mate countered.

So the two of you finally got up and emerged from his room, both of you still in the clothes you slept in -- he was just in sweatpants while you only wore one of his t-shirts and figured anybody who stared at you could just get a kick in the teeth. You led the way downstairs with Sehun following begrudgingly behind you because he was still tired. The noise got louder as you approached the kitchen, and you saw the twins joking around loudly with a few of Sehun’s pack mates while they made breakfast. Olan was sitting at the table with Junmyeon and Kyungsoo, Samuri was befriending Yixing, and the others must’ve been off somewhere else. You doubted they were sleeping, but if they were, they were lucky.

“_____!” Airou grinned when he noticed you enter. “Do you want souffle pancakes?”

“You only make souffle pancakes when you want to show off,” you grumbled, rubbing sleep out of your eyes.

“Yeah, exactly!” Ataru giggled.

Minseok seemed to be helping them, and Kyungsoo was observing from the table. You could see that Chanyeol was trying to help, but his souffle pancake had completely fallen apart, along with his smile. Baekhyun just stuck to making fun of the taller wolf for messing up.

“So,” Baekhyun smirked as he looked at yours and Sehun’s appearances, “what did you two get up to last night.”

“Sleeping,” Sehun stated before taking a seat at the table with Olan, Junmyeon, and Kyungsoo.

“You would’ve heard if they did anything else,” Minseok scoffed.

“I’m so glad I’m not a werewolf,” the girl beside Baekhyun mumbled. She didn’t seem to be in the best mood, but you weren’t sure why.

You took a seat across from Sehun and beside Olan.

“I hope you slept okay,” Junmyeon smiled softly.

“Until the twins woke me up,” you sighed. “I’m sorry that they’re so loud. They’re...excitable.”

“I think they word you’re looking for is annoying, _____,” Olan corrected with a chuckle.

“We might be louder,” Kyungsoo deadpanned, looking at you with a serious face as he focused more on the conversation than the cooking.

“We deal with chaos all the time,” Junmyeon reassured you. “Ataru and Airou are nothing, there’s no need to apologize.”

“Since _____’s awake, should we start planning then?” Olan asked.

“I still say we just go after them,” Sehun shrugged. “There’s a lot more of us than there are them.”

“No,” you and Junmyeon both said at the same time, making your mate frown.

“After thinking it over last night,” Junmyeon began, “I realized they might just lose track of you if you’re not where they expect you to be. The odds that they simply move on instead of tracking you are about 50/50, so maybe it’s best to relocate nearby. Not only would you be closer to another pack which would intimidate the hunters, but you’d be closer to Sehun.”

“There’s still the 50% chance that they track them down anyway,” Sehun pointed out.

“But then they’ll realize there’s another pack nearby,” Kyungsoo spoke up. “It would be dangerous and stupid for them to pursue the pack anyway.”

“But--”

“We shouldn’t go after them, Sehun,” you stated, finality in your tone that not only made him shut up, but made him grumpy. “It’s better if we stay away and stay safe.”

But he knew that safety would only last for so long.

It wasn’t that he was going against you because you were a girl. Sehun didn’t care what gender you were. He went against you for two reasons: he wanted to keep you safe as his mate, and he didn’t like that you were younger than him and still had more power than him. It made him want to prove that he could hold his own and make decisions.

Of course, his own decisions he made were bad, and you soon felt that he was in danger. It was in your instincts to know when your mate was in trouble. You sat up straight, yellow eyes going wide before they turned red.

“What?” Hanjae asked seeing how you were suddenly on high alert.

“Sehun,” you replied, pushing yourself off the couch and running for the door.

“What about Sehun?” Jongdae inquired as both packs followed after you.

You ignored him, calling for your pack to follow you, but Yixing put a hand on your shoulder to stop you from leaving.

“He’s in our pack, so we should go find him with you,” he decided since Junmyeon and Minseok weren’t home.

��But I’m more comfortable going with my pack,” you insisted, shrugging out from under his hand.

“But he’s our brother,” Jongdae countered.

“There’s more of us,” Olan pointed out.

“We don’t have time to argue over this!” you groaned before you just bolted out the door, not caring if anybody went with you. You had to save Sehun before it was too late.

“We’ll both go, then,” Baekhyun shrugged with an almost teasing grin before he slid past Yixing and out the door after you.

And then the rest of them followed.

It took all of three days after both alphas warned Sehun to not go looking for the hunters for him to go looking for the hunters. He had to be sneaky when he tried to track down their headquarters, but he knew he couldn’t waltz in their on his own, so he had to wait to catch one of them alone. That was the tricky part.

Or so he thought.

He had gone out a day prior with his friend, Johnny, and explained his situation. He had finally imprinted, but it was on the alpha of another pack, and you were being tracked by werewolf hunters.

“Hunters?” Johnny asked. “How many of them?”

“Apparently seven boys and a girl.”

“Okay, this is going to sound really weird, but Taeyong’s mate is the girl.”

Sehun didn’t understand how Johnny’s alpha imprinted on a werewolf hunter, but he wasn’t going to question it. He had other things to worry about.

“Can he tell me where she is?”

And that was how he ended up brought down to his knees by the werewolf hunter in front of him. He didn’t plan on attacking her if she was Taeyong’s mate, but she clearly didn’t want to just talk or anything if the gun pointed to his head was any indication. But the way he saw it, at least it was him not you, and he wouldn’t have to deal with the embarrassment that he actually couldn’t do this on his own and try to protect you instead of the other way around.

In hindsight, it was kind of stupid. Sehun didn’t care if he was babied by his pack, but he didn’t want to be babied by his own mate, too. You were younger than him, and he wanted to be able to prove that he could be stronger than you, but he wasn’t. All he did was prove that you were right, and that he deserved to be babied.

All he could do was stare up at the girl he learned was named Kimi as the binds on his wrists behind him burned into his skin. His teeth were clenched, but he refused to cry out from the searing pain the silver caused him. If he was going to go out, he was going to be as brave as he could be -- and he refused to give the hunter the satisfaction of knowing she was causing him pain and scaring the shit out of him.

“I have to say, you might be the dumbest werewolf I’ve run into,” she chuckled. “Coming to find me, saying you ‘just wanna talk’. God, it really doesn’t get easier or dumber than that.”

Sehun stayed silent, biting his tongue to keep from making noise because of the pain in his wrists. He just stared up at the hunter, the gun held to his head in his peripherals.

He saw more people appear out of the forest. One of them was tall and had a kind-looking face, but the aura he exuded was anything but. When he smiled, dimples showed prominently, only enhancing the innocence his appearance held.

“Nice job, Kimi,” he commented.

She shrugged, not looking away from Sehun, “It was nothing -- really.”

Sehun had no idea she had called for backup from her group. The seven men had all walked out and joined her, standing a few feet behind her.

Now he really hoped you didn’t show up in time to save him. You’d surely end up in the same position he was in.

“Maybe if we wait, his pack will show up and we’ll have even more of them,” one of the men commented with a slight smirk.

“There’s no way he has a pack if he showed up on his own,” Kimi commented, his expression bored as she looked down at Sehun, studying him like he wanted to remember him even after he was dead.

One of the men looked off slightly to his right, “I wouldn’t speak so soon. More of them are close by.”

A blonde one sighed before pulling out a gun and cocking it, “Yeah, we can handle it.”

‘Please don’t come, please don’t come, please don’t come,’ was all Sehun could think as he eyed the gun in the short blonde’s hand.

But it wasn’t long until he caught your scent and knew you were nearby, and he closed his eyes. There wasn’t anything he could do to prevent what he knew would happen. He couldn’t even save himself, let alone anybody else.

In front of him, the seven men reached for their weapons and aimed them toward where the two packs were coming from. They saw a werewolf that was a little smaller than most wolves they’d seen.

“Is that a female?” one of them asked quietly.

Sehun cursed internally.

You weren’t the only one who had shifted. Baekhyun, Jongdae, the twins, Samuri, and Chansol had shifted as well. None of you knew if there would be a fight, and it might be better to have a few large wolves on your side. But seeing the reaction from some of the hunters, you knew that just seeing the amount of you there -- even if all of Junmyeon’s pack weren’t there yet -- was making them doubt themselves.

Your group approached them slowly. You knew that they could shoot at any time, but then were standing still as they watched your every move, knowing any of you could run at them or pounce on them at any moment, too. It was like a weird stand-off as you slowly approached Sehun from behind him.

“We can’t take them all...” one of them mumbled.

“Yes we can,” another replied as he pulled out a second gun.

Your red eyes narrowed as you stared down the girl that was holding a gun to your mate’s head. You let out a low growl involuntarily, and all guns were suddenly pointed at you.

While Olan didn’t have any power over you whatsoever, he held an arm out in front of you, trying to tell you not to do anything just yet.

Yixing stepped forward, acting as the stand-in alpha for Junmyeon’s pack, “It seems that you have one of ours. We clearly outnumber you, so if you just give him back, we’ll leave without any trouble.”

“What if we want trouble?” the girl smirked, looking away from Sehun.

“Then you’ll walk away with less people than you have now,” Olan spoke up, “considering any of you walk away.”

“Eight against thirteen doesn’t seem too balanced, does it?” Minjoon pointed out. “And considering we have six wolves, they may as well count as two or three people each. So eight against about twenty-seven -- give or take.”

You weren’t sure when you started having a stare-off with the girl holding her gun to your mate’s head. She seemed to be challenging you, her own eyes narrowed as she stood unwavering. You growled at her again, lowering your head and baring your teeth. But her response was to smirk.

“Don’t tell me your mate came to save you, wolf,” she scoffed as she nudged Sehun’s forehead with the end of the barrel of her gun. “Don’t tell me your bitch had to come rescue you.”

An involuntary growl bubble in Sehun’s chest, which was the only sound he had made since getting captured. She seemed to love that she finally got a reaction from him.

“So let’s say I happened to kill him,” she said, looking at you now as her gun clicked, signaling it was ready to fire, “what would you do? because I’d love to see what happens.”

You were ready to jump on her. You were so ready to rip out her throat and rip her into pieces. But you also knew in the back of your mind that as soon as you went at her, she would shoot Sehun in that instant.

She would shoot Sehun either way. You couldn’t win.

“Do you always have to make trouble for yourself, Kimberly?” a new female voice spoke up.

The girl looked very similar to the one standing in front of Sehun, so you had no doubt they were related. But this girl seemed more relaxed, and she had a slight smile on her face that was not nearly as menacing as the smirk the other girl wore.

The men seemed to look at this new girl with disdain. One of them stood up straighter and glared at her.

“What are you doing back, Kat?” he demanded.

“I go by Kacey now,” she replied coolly as she walked right up to where Sehun was knelt down. “I wanted to get rid of everything that was associated with you murderers.”

The man just rolled his eyes.

“We don’t want anything to do with a traitor, either,” Kimi sneered.

“Is that any way to speak to your older sister?” the girl apparently called Kacey asked as she booped her sister’s nose. Kimi scrunched up her face and took a step back which made Kacey chuckle. “You haven’t changed a bit. Explains why you’re trying to take on two packs of werewolves when there’s only eight of you.”

“Two?” one of the men repeated.

Kacey sighed, gesturing behind her to you and the group, “Anybody could tell that the girl is the alpha of most of them. You’re really falling apart without me, huh?

“Anyway,” she moved on from the subject as she crouched down and began to undo the binds on Sehun’s wrists. But you still could faintly sense werewolf hunter on her, so you watched her carefully, even when she stood with the silver binds in one hand and helped Sehun to his feet with the other, moving in front of him despite being shorter than him, “I suggest you all take their offer. If you intentionally anger his mate, I assume she’ll kill at least three of you within five minutes -- at most: all of you.”

“Don’t release my captives,” Kimi growled, stepping closer to her sister -- and closer to Sehun.

You took a step forward, causing pairs of eyes to flash over to you. Both Olan and Yixing stood in front of you just to at least attempt to keep you back and from making this a fight when it didn’t have to be.

“Then don’t pick fights you know you can’t win,” Kacey countered with a smile. “I’ll see you around, kid.”

She turned around, turning Sehun around and keeping a hand on his back as she led him away. But with her back turned, Kimi raised her gun again and aimed, prepared to fire. You let out a roar, tensing to jump in front of her line of sight, but somebody was much faster than you.

Kacey took out her own gun and turned around, shooting straight at Kimi’s gun and shooting it out of her hand like it was nothing. You weren’t sure how she could even aim that fast or that precisely. You’d never met any kind of hunter like her, but you weren’t even sure if she was a hunter because she was helping you.

“Don’t test me,” Kacey stated, her voice cold like ice. “Go home, Kimi.”

Then she carried on, leading Sehun back to your pack, and nodding with her head to leave the way you’d come. And she even escorted you back.

As Sehun got closer, he refused to look up and meet eyes with you. In fact, everybody was completely silent as you walked back the way you’d come, going through the forest until you’d reached the cars that were parked on the side of the road.

You and the other wolves hung back to shift in the woods so nobody would see while the rest of them continued to the cars. Olan and Yixing both expressed their gratitude to Kacey for helping them, and Yixing even went on to invite her back to meet Junmyeon because he knew their alpha would want to thank her properly, too.

Sehun walked over to one of the cars with Kyungsoo.

“Hyung’s going to be so mad at me...” he sighed.

Kyungsoo chuckled as he opened one of the doors on the other side, “I don’t think it’s Junmyeon that you have to worry about.”

Sehun didn’t even have to turn around to know you were looking at him. In fact, your eyes were burning a hole in his back. And that alone was far more terrifying than anything his alpha would do to him.

While Sehun was in trouble, you were terrified. Actually, terrified didn’t even cover the panic and worry you felt that something awful would happen to him. But now that you knew he was safe, you were angry. You were angry that he went behind your back and did what you specifically told him not to do and that he recklessly got himself into a life or death situation. You wanted to hug him and kiss him, and whack him in the back of the head at the same time.

You were incredibly grateful to Kacey for saving Sehun and managing to avoid a fight, but you were more focused on lecturing Sehun as soon as you got into the house than thanking her. You could do that when you were less heated.

“Sehun!” you barked when he tried to go to the living room with everybody else instead of following you up to his room. He dropped his head and went to you, knowing he was really in for it. When he closed the door, you immediately went off on him. “What the fuck were you thinking?! Both Junmyeon and I told you not to go after them, but you did anyway! You went against me and you went against your own alpha! You almost died, Sehun! What the fuck were we supposed to do if you died, huh?!”

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered, finally looking up and meeting your eyes. He was surprised to see that despite how angry you sounded, your red eyes were filled with tears, a few escaping down your cheeks. “Oh no, _____, please don’t start crying.”

“What else am I supposed to do? You almost died! I thought you were going to die!”

He frowned, going over to you and cupping your cheeks, wiping your tears away with his thumbs, “_____, I really am sorry. I did it for a stupid reason, and I shouldn’t have, and I’m sorry. I learned my lesson. I’m not able to protect you, let alone myself.”

Your expression changed slightly from pure anger to confused, “Protect me?”

He sighed, looking away but still holding your face, mumbling, “It’s really stupid...”

You stayed silent, looking at him unexpectedly. Knowing you wanted an answer and he wouldn’t get out of answering, he sighed and pulled you to his chest so you at least couldn’t look at him when he answered. But you were fine with it because at least you knew he was safe when you had your arms wrapped around his waist.

“You’re younger than me, but you’re so much stronger than I am as an alpha. I wanted to prove that I could be stronger. I wanted to protect you so you would look up at me instead of looking down at me because I’m just the pup of my pack.”

You pushed away from him just enough to look up at him, “Sehun, I don’t look down at you. I don’t look down at anybody.”

He looked at you, still frowning, “I don’t want you to see me as a baby like my pack does.”

“I don’t,” you insisted, reaching up to gently stroke is face. Sehun leaned into your warm touch, a soft rumble vibrating in his chest. “Just because I’m an alpha doesn’t mean I’ll see you as weaker or incapable. You’re not any less of a werewolf.”

Sehun’s eyebrows furrowed as he suddenly stood straight up again, “You’re babying me right now!”

You chuckled, “You’re acting like a baby.”

“Am not,” he huffed.

“Alright, then I won’t baby you,” you promised as you let go of him and stepped away. “Take care of your own wounds, big boy.”

As you walked past him toward the door, he turned and whined, “Waaaait.”

“Yes?” you smirked as you turned back around.

“You’re not going to help me?” he pouted.

Unable to resist his cute expression, you playfully rolled your eyes, “Come to the bathroom, you big baby.”

He followed behind you down the hall to the bathroom, grumbling, “I’ll prove I’m tougher than you one day. You’re still younger and shorter than me.”

“You keep thinking that,” you nodded. “Junmyeon’s also shorter than you, but I’m sure he’ll lay you out as soon as he comes home.”

And as if on cue, the front door slammed shut before you heard Junmyeon growl, “Sehun!”

You looked back at your mate over your shoulder, giggling, “Good luck, tough guy.”

351 notes · View notes

neocityarchive · 5 years

Text

ends | mark lee (pt 3)

summary | part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

Mark’s POV

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: none

Chapter Summary: “I saw how happy you made her. No one could compare to that. That wasn’t something in your head. It was real, and everyone around you can see it, too.”

Mark walked out of the SM building. He was going to check on Hyuck who has been gone for nearly twenty minutes just to get coffee. Even if there was a line at the cafe, he wouldn’t take this long. He probably got distracted by something again.

Mark wanted to get coffee for himself as well. If this was two months ago, he would have easily told Hyuck what he wanted, no question. But something between them is just not right at the moment. He wanted to fix it, but how can he when he had no idea where and why it started to go wrong?

He turned at the corner and immediately stopped in his tracks. Hyuck was there but he wasn’t alone.

She was there, too, hugging Hyuck who was trying not to spill six cups of coffee in his hands.

Mark counted. One. Two. Three… four... five counts before she let go.

His heart skipped a beat. He hasn’t seen her since the day they broke up. So many times he wanted to call her to ask her how she’s doing. So many times he typed a good night text out of habit before realizing he shouldn’t. So many times he looked at her face on the wallpaper of his phone, telling himself he should change it, but he never had the guts to.

And now she’s here, as beautiful as ever. She was smiling up to her eyes, a look he had seen so many times before, but this time, she was looking at someone else. It wasn’t even a look that screams admiration. It was just a look of pure respect, but somehow, it still hurt.

“I’m the biggest idiot,” he told himself with a sigh.

Before Mark knew it, Y/N was walking away and Hyuck was coming his way. He bowed his head and continued walking as if nothing happened, partly hoping Hyuck won't recognize him.

Mark was knocked out of his thoughts when Renjun patted him on the back. He was already saying his ment which meant that Mark is next.

He looked at the crowd. For the most part, it was green. That alone made him thankful. The Dreamies told him to introduce the next song. Everyone cheered, but nothing felt right. He always feels so alive on the stage like nothing could possibly go wrong. But today, not even the screams of the fans could lift his mood up.

“Alright, so this next song,” Mark started, desperately trying to clear his head, “it’s one of those songs that play between happy and sad. It’s one of my favorite songs that we’ve ever released. It actually has a much deeper meaning if you allow yourself to think about it. And lately…”

He thought of all the times he wished he could hold Y/N’s hands a little longer, to talk to her a little more. He remembered secretly wanting her to miss the last bus just so he could spend time with her a bit more and walk her home. It seems they’ve already ran out of those moments.

“Lately, it made me realize how scary it is to think how you could lose someone at the blink of an eye, how you could say goodbye before realizing you’re not ready to let go of them at all.” His voice nearly cracked but he cleared his throat.

“Mark hyung sounds so worried about his graduation this year,” Hyuck teased, trying to change the mood. He was smiling, but something in his eyes felt threatening.

The audience awed. But everyone on the stage knew what Mark really meant.

After seeing Hyuck’s gaze, Mark quickly changed the subject. “Unfortunately, this is our last song for today. So think of it as our parting gift for you. But we’ll see each other again, right?” He pointed his mic to the crowd.

They cheered. The Dreamies smiled.

“This song’s called Walk You Home.”

The song started. He could feel the pressure of six eyes beside him, looking worriedly. The internal atmosphere within the group is so far from that of the crowd. Mark felt guilty.

He knew he hasn’t been 100%. He tries to hide it as he always does, but the boys always know when something is off. They haven’t been acting normal around him lately, like they’re trying too hard not to be a pain in the ass, but it just made him more uncomfortable.

When the song ended, they said their goodbyes and went backstage. Mark went straight to the dressing room.

Then the boys entered one by one.

He was just on his phone, staring at his lockscreen for far too long, not unlocking it, but not allowing the screen to turn dark either. It was like he was waiting for something to pop up, but he wasn’t sure what.

“Hyung,” Jeno said. “Are you okay?”

Mark nodded. “Why? Is something wrong?”

“You‘ve been staring at Y/N’s face on your phone for too long,” Renjun said. “It’s not going to talk.”

“Why is her face still there anyway? Aren’t you guys supposed to be over?” Jaemin asked.

“I, um, I just forgot to change it. I got used to this one so…” Mark cleared his throat, putting his phone in his pocket. “I wasn’t even looking at her face.”

“Then why are you staring at your phone like an idiot?” Renjun asked.

“He’s waiting for something,” Chenle said.

Hyuck sighed as he took off his mic. “Hyung, that ‘great job on your stage today’ text won’t arrive because you broke up with the person who used to send you that, remember?”

Jisung’s eyes shifted uncomfortably from Mark to Haechan then back to Mark.

Mark didn’t reply. He just took his mic and in-ear off quietly. Hyuck has been slyly giving him comments like that since the break up and he was always too tired to argue. Mostly because he’s right.

“Why did you even break up with her? She used to bring us sushi after our events. Now we just settle for instant ramen,” Chenle said.

Jisung frowned. “But you love instant ramen.”

“Sure, but sushi??? For free???”

“And a non-toxic, unawkward atmosphere in the dressing room, plus a much happier Mark hyung?” Renjun added. “It makes us miss Y/N.”

“It’s about time we ask. Why did you break up, Hyung?” Jeno asked, his tone genuinely curious.

“You brats, why are we talking about this? Aren’t you all tired already?” Mark sighed.

Hyuck snorted. “We are, but when we’re tired, we just rest. We don’t break up with our girlfriends.”

“We don’t have girlfriends,” Jisung noted.

Jaemin rolled his eyes. “Yeah, thanks for bringing that up.”

“We broke up because that’s what people do when they don’t love each other anymore, okay? Are you happy now?” Mark snapped, throwing his in-ear to its box.

On the other side of the room, Mark heard Hyuck mutter, “That is the dumbest excuse I’ve ever heard.”

“What did you say?”

“I said you’re a fool,” Hyuck jibed. “You’re nothing but a selfish naive little shit who can’t appreciate what you have when you have it. You have no right– absolutely no right to feel this sorry for yourself when you’ve hurt someone far worse than this.”

“What’s your problem?” Mark challenged.

“Donghyuck, don’t—“ Jeno tried. But Hyuck couldn’t be bothered.

“No,” he said. “I’m sick of seeing you look so down all the time when you’re the one who broke up with her. If breakups happen because people stopped loving each other, then you shouldn’t have broken up in the first place. Literally everyone can see how much you still love her, and the whole world knows she still loves you. Maybe if you just cared enough to look past your selfish reasons, you wouldn’t be in this shit right now. But you know what? You brought this upon yourself. You deserve this. But Y/N? She doesn’t. So why don’t you think about that?”

Mark couldn’t speak. His face slowly turned into a frown, not because he was mad but because he was confused. He didn’t know what just happened. One moment, they were just teasing him, and now Hyuck just snapped at him about his breakup.

“I don’t understand,” he said, “why does my breakup with Y/N even bother you this much?”

Hyuck pursed his lips. He had something to say but decided against it. Instead, he just turned around and walked towards the door. “I don’t have time for this. Tell the 127 hyungs I’m sleeping at the Dreamies’ dorms tonight. If they asked why, tell them,” he said.

The Dreamies groaned in protest.

“Shut up,” Hyuck just said before walking out completely.

Just like that, he was gone. The tension and awkwardness in the dressing room increased exponentially that the guys started leaving one by one until Mark was left alone with even more questions, and a whole level of hate directed at no one but himself.

2 weeks have passed since the incident. Hyuck is back at the 127 dorms but he and Mark still barely see each other. When they do, they don’t talk. No one questioned it, but the rumor circled around the group pretty quickly. No one dared approach Mark about it, not even Doyoung who usually had a say about everything.

A few days ago, Mark went out for a walk to clear his mind. He wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. The only two people who he felt could understand what he was going through wasn’t there for him anymore.

He didn’t mind where he was going since his mind was as busy as his feet. It was too late when he realized he was walking across the street of the building where Y/N was working. It was out of the way from work or anywhere the group usually goes to. So he was surprised to see Hyuck leaned against the wall of said building, clearly waiting for someone.

Y/N appeared a few minutes later. She had that same big smile on her face when she saw him. It didn’t look like it was a surprise. They hugged and started walking towards the opposite direction where Mark was headed to, immersed in talking to each other.

Meanwhile, at the other side of the road, Mark stood dumbfounded. He felt like he’d been punched in the gut. He was watching his girl go out with his best friend with a smile she used to have while looking at him. Hyuck was doing everything he used to.

Does she like him? he thought. He couldn’t even answer himself.

Mark wanted to ask Hyuck about that night when he got back at the dorms, but whenever he even went close, Hyuck would take one look at him and leave the room.

There had been no contact between them since the dressing room incident, or when they’re forced to talk to each other on screen… until today, when Hyuck texted Mark asking to meet him. It came so much a surprise that Mark wondered if the Dreamies were just pranking him.

“마크 바보 (Mark idiot), meet me at xxxxx cafe in 20 minutes. k?”

But no one other than Hyuck calls him an idiot without so much as a ‘hyung.’

Mark replied okay. He didn’t know what this was about, but despite the fact that he’s been in his pajamas all day or that today is his only rest day for the whole week or that it was already 8 in the evening, he was ready faster than he is on most mornings.

When he arrived, Hyuck was at the corner of the cafe. His back was facing the rest of the world so Mark snuck up on him easily.

“Why did you call me here?” he asked as he sat down across from him.

The cafe was half full but no one minded anyone. Everyone was on their laptops and cellphones and college textbooks.

“I wanted to talk,” Hyuck said, sipping from his cup.

“Why not just at the dorms?”

“Why can’t you just shut up?” Hyuck sighed. “I was out today and I didn’t want to go back to the dorms yet. I’m sick of hearing Doyoung hyung nagging at me to talk to you.”

“But you’re talking to me right now,” Mark pointed out.

Hyuck glared at him, making Mark feel stupid. He’s a scary person in general. Sure, he’s adorable in the eyes of many, but God, the way his mind works is on another level. Hyuck could plan something that’s months in the making. He is a great deceiver and he loves it.

“I just want to say I’m sorry,” Hyuck said, his eyes averting Mark’s gaze, “for lashing out on you in the dressing room. And for making bad faces at you behind your back, and also for telling Johnny hyung that you’re the one who stole his sandwich.”

“But I‘m not–” Mark tried to protest. Johnny clearly warned everyone not to touch his sandwich. He got it from a restaurant on the other side of town.

“That’s not the point,” Hyuck cut in. “I know I’ve been horrible to you lately–more than usual, I mean. And I’m sorry.”

Mark’s eyebrows furrowed. “That’s okay, but… why?”

Hyuck let out a deep breath. “Because you’re an idiot,” he said. “I hate what you did to Y/N. And I hate that I sort of helped you do it.”

Mark’s face contorted even more, completely confused.

“You were at a crisis, remember? You thought you were falling out of love because you’re so tired of keeping up your relationship with her,” Hyuck said. “Then I told you that if you wanted to, just break up with her. Somehow, I feel like that helped convince you to do it. And you did.”

Mark nodded. He remembered that day. He still couldn’t imagine Y/N listening to their conversation. He couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for her to hear him talk about how he wanted to give up on them. Suddenly, he wanted to punch himself for it.

“After that, I couldn’t contact her. We were just friends, but you hurt her so much that she didn’t want anything to do with you. So she cut me off, too.” Hyuck explained.

“I still don’t understand why it’s a big deal for you,” Mark said quietly.

“Because!” he exclaimed before muttering under his breath, “Damn. You really are so stupid sometimes.” He sighed. “Isn’t it obvious? I like her.”

Silence.

“Since when?” Mark asked, his voice soft.

“Even before you started dating. I liked her ever since she started coming to our schedules and we got to talk more. I liked her even when she told me she’s starting to have feelings for you. I liked her even when you two started going out. I told myself to stop, and believe me I tried so hard to. But I can’t. So I learned to settle for the friendly texts we send each other, just goofing around. And when you two broke up, even that was taken from me.”

Mark stared at him. “I had no idea,” he said. “I… I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t tell anyone except for Jeno,” Hyuck said. “And he only knows because he caught me smiling so much when she texted that one time.”

“Wow.” Mark didn’t even know what to say. After all this time, he didn’t even notice. He felt bad for being selfish. Maybe Hyuck was really good at hiding his feelings that the thought of him liking Y/N never occurred to Mark. But still, there are questions he needed answered.

“So when I saw you two the other night outside her work, does this mean…” Mark cleared his throat. Even the thought of it makes him want to cry. “Are you guys seeing each other now? Is that what you’re going to tell me?”

Hyuck frowned. “You saw us?”

“I–I didn’t mean to. I was walking around and somehow ended up there. Force of habit, I guess.”

Hyuck shook his head. “We only agreed to meet because we promised each other we’d catch up,” he said. “Hyung, I know I said I like her, but I never wanted her for myself. I know what I am to her and I’m fine with it. I’m working my way to get out of my feelings, because believe me, it does hurt–” he chocked out a laugh. “But I saw how happy you two were. I saw how happy you made her. No one could compare to that. That wasn’t something in your head. It was real, and everyone around you can see it, too.”

Mark looked away. A lot of people had told him that for the past two months. He was getting sick of hearing them rub in his face what he lost. But maybe he deserved it. I was too naive, Mark thought. And not just about Y/N but about Hyuck too.

He can’t imagine being in Hyuck’s shoes. Come to think of it, he was always there for her whenever Mark and Y/N would fight. He’d always be the one to talk some sense into Mark. That’s what he’s doing here again, Mark realized.

“She still loves you.” Hyuck bit his lip. “She loves you so much. I know, because she broke down crying when I said I think you still love her, too.”

A tear escaped from Mark’s eye. He wiped it off immediately, but it was only the beginning of many. He didn’t want to cry in front of Hyuck. He wouldn't hear the end of it. But it seems he couldn’t help himself either.

“Hyung, you found something special. I’m sure you already know how big a mistake you made by letting her go. So I’m begging you please, don’t be your usual stupid self when you get the chance again. And you will get the chance again. Because you do, right?” Hyuck asked. “You still love her?”

Mark couldn’t speak. He was too busy trying not to make himself cry. He feels like his head is going to explode.

“You don’t have to answer,” Hyuck said. “You wouldn’t be trying so hard not to cry right now if you don’t.”

Mark let out a weak laugh before burying his head in his hands. Then he broke down, crumbling like a delicate porcelain. “I messed up, Donghyuck,” he sobbed. “I really messed up.”

“You did,” Hyuck agreed. “But the Mark hyung I know isn’t going to be stopped by that. Now, stop crying in public. Someone might recognize us.”

He wiped the tears from his eyes as much as he can and tried to compose himself. He didn’t think anyone was paying attention to them, but still, Hyuck was right.

“Promise me, you’re going to make this right.” Hyuck said.

Mark nodded. “I promise.”

Hyuck looked at his phone. “Alright. I have to go now. You wait here for ten minutes before going out after me okay? I don’t want to be seen with you.”

“Are you serious?!”

“Yes,” Hyuck answered. “Use this time to absorb everything.”

“Whatever. Just go.” Mark sighed.

Hyuck rolled his eyes.

“And thank you,” Mark said.

He smiled. “Don’t thank me yet.”

Mark wasn’t sure what he meant, but before he could ask, he was already gone. Everytime Hyuck walks out, Mark is always left with more questions.

He stared at the almost empty cup of coffee that Hyuck left and let his thoughts run wild. He remembered all the times he would catch him staring at Y/N when she’s laughing. Mark always thought he was annoyed by it, but apparently, it was otherwise. God, Hyuck liked her even before he did and he never got the chance.

And now, he wants Mark to make things right with Y/N. But how could he? He was too ashamed to call her or even text her. He couldn’t bear to see her after what he did. He doesn’t know how she’s been like lately, but from what Hyuck said, it didn’t sound good. What he needs right now is more time to think.

Mark checked the time on his phone. It hasn’t been ten minutes but he was pretty sure Hyuck was too far from the cafe already. He decided to leave.

Just as he was about to stand from his table, the bell from the cafe door rang. He looked up. Suddenly, the whole world was quiet, like everything stopped moving for a second, and all that mattered was the person that just walked through the door.

It was her. She was looking around, as if trying to find someone. Her lips were in a small pout like they always are when she’s concentrating.

Mark couldn’t move, but somehow, he felt as if he was sinking to his chair.

Her eyes wandered around the cafe until it landed on his. She gasped, then blinked three times. For a moment, she looked lost, but then she shook her head and started walking towards Mark who was still frozen.

“Hi,” she said, looking at him but averting his gaze almost immediately.

He wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. He was pissing himself, trying to find the words to say, but his mind was malfunctioning at the moment. He didn’t know what to do. This is the most nervous he’d been in his whole life and that says a lot.

Mark stood up, took a deep breath, and mustered all the energy he could. “Y/N,” he said. “H-hi.”

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bonniemansfieldd · 3 years

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My Pet Goblin Grief

I wouldn’t say I’m overly experienced in many things; baking - perhaps; exams maybe; tactical chundering - I’m pretty good; but grief? Me and her go way back.

Of course, everything is relative and I’m grateful to say that I’ve never lost someone as close as a parent or sibling but I definitely have had a bigger taste of the Grieving Life™ than most which is an odd feeling. A running joke we have is that I have one of those stamp loyalty cards to the local cemetery and now I’m only 1 off of my own free burial- wahoo!

Death-focussed conversations are a centerpiece in our house and the question “What do you want as your funeral song?” is as easily asked as “What is it you want for Christmas?” (For the record, mine’s Only One Who Knows by the Arctic Monkeys, Day N Nite the Crookers Remix by Kid Cudi and probably the Moulin Rouge version of Your Song - but the last one is still up for debate). I never realise these sorts of things are a bit odd or macabre until I ask the same questions to Ungrieved friends who always respond with the same notion of “why are you asking such morbid things” or “are you planning on killing me?” or “This isn't a fun birthday drinks convo.”

For context, my first experience with death was when my grandad died when I was 3, I have little memory of this other than my mum breaking the news to me when she was stark-naked, post-shower and drying her hair; a weird image in hindsight. My second and third were very close together and now feel fused in my brain; my mum was the eldest of three and within the space of 50 days her sister died due to alcoholism and her brother committed suicide due to depression and a psycho ex wife. Also my dog died a month or 2 later, rule of 3 and all that. At the age of 12 I was properly introduced to the beasts that are grief, depression and the aftermath of a suicide, none of them I would give good Yelp reviews tbh.

Nobody teaches you how to grieve. There is no handbook on ‘How to Navigate the Loss of a Loved One’, never mind one on ‘How to Deal With Traumatic Deaths Whilst Dealing with a Now Suicidal Mum Alongside All the Other Shit of Your Teenage Years’ (although there should be given its catchy title ) Now here’s where I made my first mistake when learning to live with these things - I just Kept Calm and Carried On like a fucking Dweeb. No major lash outs; no therapy, no rebellious phase (yet), no prolonged mourning period, no deep conversations with my parents on how i was feeling. I’d wake up, go to school and be a good little boffin, come home, ignore the fact mum had not gotten out of bed in 3 days or spoken in 30; do my homework, have my tea, go to bed, be awoken by the sounds of my mum blasting their funeral songs and scream bawling downstairs; put in my earphones and watch Flushed Away; cry a bit; eventually fall asleep; repeat.

Looking back now my chosen ignorance was ridiculous and really came back with a vengeance when I was 15 and my mum was back to relative normality. I started to face what I’d pushed down and I released all the pent up icky-gross-wtf-feeling via trying to fuck anyone I could, developing an eating disorder, fancying only the most wastemen of boys, binge drinking and thinking Morrissey was the pinnacle of God’s creation. I mean, it did the job in the end but FUCK ME it was the dumbest way to do it and ultimately caused a whole load of other problems in my wee noggin that I really didn’t need.

Thankfully (she says with sarcasm and one solo gunfinger), I got to perfect my craft at Grieving in 2020, aged 18, when another Auntie died unexpectedly of bowel cancer and then my childhood friend killed herself, aged 21, due to cripping BPD. I really mean it when I say I’m sick of people dying. This time round I’m really trying to do it the proper way and not suppress it for 3 years and get myself in a knot like last time, although what is the proper way to grieve? Since this is not my first rodeo I know what NOT to do but that’s all I got so far.

Now, I have a few key points I’m really trying to abide by, the first one being for the love of GOd put your own grief first. I now have deep rooted mummy issues which partly stem from trying to pick up the pieces of her grief whilst burying my own with Aardman Animations and wanky Morrissey lyrics. She didn’t support me, in all honesty not many in my family did (which is understandable!) cause everyone was trying to keep their own heads above water which ultimately I should’ve done too, but didn’t. Learning to say “I am in pain, I am grieving, I need to put myself first right now or else my future therapy sessions are going to be hella expensive” is really fucking hard, ESPECIALLY when everyone else is crumbing too. But it’s the whole air mask on a plane scenario where you cannot help anyone else until you’re breathing clear too.

My next point; some days you actually feel okay and you’re not the worst person ever for feeling like that. It’s the whole ball in a box grief analogy that I cba to explain but highly reccommend looking up. Grief doesn’t leave you, you just learn to live with it and it’s kinda as simple as that. Therefore, there will be days where you do manage it, maybe even forget it for a while. It becomes a feeling so ingrained into you, you don’t even notice it’s there and just get on with things. You’re not a terrible person for having a nice time with your mates if your Gran’s just died. You’re not the spawn of satan if you go out on the pull a few weeks after your mate’s topped themselves. Yeah, their lives have stopped but why the fuck should yours?

It’s a difficult moment, immediately after you lose somebody and venture out into the world to see that it hasn’t stopped turning. One example I have of this is when I met my cousin for a coffee the morning after my friend had taken her own life. I woke up feeling fairly normal, got ready and hopped on the bus to town and looked out the window to see the city moving as usual. I got off the bus two stops later when I realised my sudden snotty crying was getting a bit loud. I don’t remember starting to cry but I do remember walking up the High street amidst the Christmas shoppers blatantly sobbing and intermittently vaping (please laugh at this image cause I do- I also had a glazed donut in hand if that helps.) These experiences are also not limited to the immediate aftermath of a death, I’ve had similar experiences years after they’ve passed at gigs, on nights out, at the cinema, at bus stops and even watching The Simpsons (screw Matt Greoning for having Close To You as Marge and Homer’s fucking wedding song). My point is, big jabs of grief happen as randomly as moments of peace, acceptance and even contentment - it’s all just a big clusterfuck cocktail that adds a bit of spice to your life.

One thing I am trying to practise more when taming my grief goblin is actually talking about it which I failed to do before. As previously mentioned, people around you can get a bit awkward or uncomfortable when talking about all things death, ESPECIALLY when they haven’t experienced it themselves and you’re actually reaching out to them for support. I’ve had some advice that was great and some that was fucking awful, I even have grief pet peeves now which is not something you see much of on Room 101 (although I am willing to put my argument forward to Frank Skinner if he’s interested in that sort of thing).

So, what shouldn’t you say to someone who’s being RKO’d by their very own grief goblin? Never- and I cannot stress this enough- say how “StRoNg” or “bRaVe” you think they are. Never. Cut that shit out, it’s fucking GROSS. THis is an especially common thing from those Ungrieved and it honestly feels like an Alexis Rose Pity boop on the nose or pat on the head. To me, those words mean “awwwwww, sucks to be you pet.” which may sound harsh but hear me out. The wonderful Maya Richardson describes the frustration with this in regards to racism/transphobia/homophobia but I also think it applies to grief perfectly:

“You’re so brave comments often feel like a microaggression as it’s a form of ‘othering’.This is to view or treat someone as intrinsically different and alien from oneself. The comments Basically say “your life is harder than mine” and feels like a back handed compliment Or an insensitive power move even if they meant well.”

The “you’re so __” comment gives you no support and is alienating, it makes you feel like you’re a freak who’s fighting a one person battle that you can only fight on your own cause no one else is as “strong” or as “brave” as you. Also, I’m not fucking strong or brave. I don’t want to be strong, I didn’t ask to be brave, and if not being these things means I don’t have to meet my grief goblin every morning then I’d rather be a weak coward any day.

The best response I’ve ever had when telling a friend I’m grieving or I’ve just lost someone is “Fuck me! Another one? That’s wank. Do you want to talk about it?” Not only did this not isolate me and it gave me the opportunity to talk through things to process them better, but it also validated everything I’m feeling. Yes it is wank thank you for acknowledging how utterly wank this situation is - it’s the biggest pile of wank I’ve ever waded through and no, I’m not “brave” for doing that.

Let them talk about it, listen to them, hug them, recognise the wank they're wading in and give them a hand to pull them through. Also, if they don’t want to talk about it then,for the love of God, just treat them as you would normally. When you’re walking on eggshells around someone they can also see the shells you’ve scattered about the place and it makes it all so lonely - cut that shit out. I’m someone who handles pain via humour cause if i don’t laugh i’ll cry and if i cry i wont stop so, if I make a joke about cemetery visits being more like European tours due to how many graves we visit and how fucking long it takes, PLEASE just laugh; I’m trying my best here.

Ultimately, I see grief as a pet for life that you learn to train and care for, but it still does piss on your floor or bite your heart every now and then; and if you know a friend who has one of these funny little creatures you should treat it as such- a new pet of theirs thats learning to be obedient. They may leave it at home sometimes or introduce you to it if they feel comfortable but, in the end, it is here to stay. And that’s okay.

Treat them and their grief goblin with the respect and love it deserves and then, I assure you, we’ll all pull through together - eventually.

#grief goblin iteasssswhatiteasssss yolo funnythoinnit

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waiting-for-motivation · 5 years

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i‘m still here

summary: Everyone at the Avengers compound processes their pain and loss after the snap different. While (Y/n) hides the most time in her room and refuses food, Thor drowns his thoughts in alcohol and doesn‘t talk to anyone.

pairings: Thor x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader

warnings: ENDGAME SPOILER (really small I think), post snap, sadness, drunkenness, fluff

words: 1714

a/n: I don‘t even know if this contains any spoilers for endgame but I don‘t want to get murdered by on of you so reading at your own risk!

MASTERLIST REQUEST RULES

Her gaze is focused on the ceiling above the bed she is laying on. No sound gets to her ears and that‘s everything (Y/n) wants. Silence.

Every time someone talks she must think about the dead people and that they can‘t talk anymore. And that‘s all her fault. She feels like everything happened just because of her while in reality she is as innocent as all the other people who survived. At least she tried fighting against Thanos.

But still, she blames herself for what happened in Wakanda and all over the universe. And that aren‘t just her thoughts, no, all of the Avengers sink into some kind of self-hatred. Even though everyone tried getting their beloved back, no one on the compound smiles anymore. It‘s like all the happiness disappeared with the ones that died.

Just as (Y/n) takes a deep breath to suppress the tears in her eyes, Steve Rogers enters her room without knocking. In the past he would have knocked on her door but now he knows that she doesn‘t answer if someone knocks. In his right hand he has a plate with some fruits on it and in his other hand he carries a water-bottle. A look at (Y/n)s nightstand shows the super soldier that she hasn‘t eaten the sandwich he brought her this morning. The bottle next to it is still full and looks like (Y/n) had just a sip of the water.

„If you don‘t eat and drink the next 24 hours we need to bring you to Bruce. He will know what to do.“ Steve sits down next to his friend and strokes over her (h/c) hair. It‘s still wet from the shower (Y/n) took this morning. Although Steve was the one that forced her to shower he is still relieved that she did at least this.

„I‘m not hungry.“ Her voice is quiet because she can‘t find the strength to speak louder. She knows that she will spend the next ten minutes with Steve giving her a moral speech about why she should eat and drink and maybe also talk to people. But that‘s not what happens. For a while the room is again filled with silence.

„I know you have your own problems and I wouldn‘t ask you that if we tried already talking to him but he isn‘t talking too anyone.“ (Y/n) slowly sits up and looks into Steve‘s tired and sad eyes. Even though she has a premonition who Steve might mean, she still asks him.

„Who isn‘t talking?“ With a shaking voice and a terrified expression (Y/n) gets up from her bed and walks towards the plate with fruits. Maybe she should start again eating. Maybe everything wouldn‘t be that oppressing.

„Thor.“ The apple (Y/n) had in her hands falls onto the ground and rolls under her bed. Now everything is worse. „Often he sits outside and stares at the sun and when someone wants to talk to him he just disappears. Today it‘s different and well…worse. You need to see it yourself. He is just a shell of his former self and you are his…“

„I was his girlfriend, don‘t forget that he stopped caring for me after the thing Thanos did. He wont talk to me, Steve, because I‘m just another person he excludes from his life!“ Now that (Y/n) almost screamed at Steve she feels a dizziness that moves the floor under her feet. Steve helps her sit again and hands her the water-bottle which she drinks up hesitantly.

„I know that he hurt you but he probably only did this because he thought that staying by your side would hurt you even more. Please, talk to him because I don‘t know what else we should do to get the old Thor back.“ Steve takes the empty bottle from (Y/n) who stares indecisively at her hands. It‘s obvious that she doesn‘t know what to do. After all she didn‘t saw Thor for two weeks and doesn‘t even know how to behave around him. About what should she even talk with him? Should she ask him how he is doing? No, that is the dumbest question you could ask a hero these days. Maybe she should just improvise.

„Okay, I‘ll go to him but if he just looks at me the wrong way I will immediately leave. Where is he?“ With a heavy heart and a lump in her throat (Y/n) follows Steve towards one of the living rooms. From time to time the super soldier looks worried at (Y/n) because he is afraid that he might make everything even more complicated for her. What if she will break down seeing her longtime boyfriend in such a terrible condition.

„I must warn you: he isn‘t himself.“ As Steve opens the glass door for (Y/n), a strong alcoholic scent fills her nostrils. She looks confused around the room and finally spots Thor.

He truly looks dreadful. His short hair looks like he drove his hand to much through it. Under his two-colored eyes are dark rings and his whole face looks a little bit sunken. Steve is right, Thor is a shell of his former self.

A quick look at the clock tells (Y/n) that it‘s too early to drink alcohol.

„Why is he drinking alcohol at 2 pm?“ Although (Y/n) tries talking quietly Thor finally notices the presence of the two. At first he looks into Steves unreadable expression, then he lets his gaze wander towards (Y/n). The beautiful (Y/n). Actually he wants to jump up from the couch and hug his beloved (Y/n) but than he reminds himself about keeping her away from him for own good.

„Why aren’t you eating or drinking anything?“ A small smile creeps onto Steve‘s lips and after this question he leaves the two alone.

(Y/n) walks towards the god with a pounding heart and even though she can‘t stand the smell of alcohol she sits right next to Thor. For a long while no one says anything. The whole situation is weird for both of them. Every time (Y/n) opens her mouth to say something she closes it again because she can‘t find the right words. In the end (Y/n) can find the strength to say something.

„You remember the days before all this?“ Thor doesn‘t answer but that’s okay for (Y/n). As long as she doesn‘t hear a no everything is okay. „I do. I remember all of the days. The happy ones and the unpleasant ones. Remember when we fought against your brother and I punched him in the face? Or when we fought against the robot Stark invented? We won those battles but lost this one. That‘s the worst thing that can happen to heroes, I think. We aren‘t used to it and the world doesn‘t expect that from us.“ As tears rise in (Y/n)s eyes, Thor fills his glass with more alcohol and sips from it. It‘s seems like he doesn‘t even listen to (Y/n) but that‘s not true. He listens to every word that leaves her mouth. „We all lost but it‘s our duty to stand up and try turn back time. We can‘t drown in our self-hatred and blame us all over the day. We need to do something.“ As (Y/n)s speech ends she hopes that she could confess Thor to help the others but in the moment he stands up and turns towards the door her heart breaks all over again. Her hand quickly reaches for one of Thor‘s. As their hands connect they both feel a familiar tingle.

„I know you lost everything and everyone you ever loved and I can‘t tell you how sorry I‘m for you but you can‘t just drown your thoughts with alcohol.“ They look into each other’s eyes and (Y/n) could swear that something flashes in Thor‘s eyes. For one moment it feels like the old days but then Thor must tear his hand away from (Y/n) and walk towards the door.

„You are strong, Thor. I hope you know that. You lost everyone: your family, your brother, your best friend, your home and now half of the universe. But we are still here. I‘m still here.“ One tear flows over (Y/n)s cheek. She can‘t comprehend that Thor turns his back to her again. It’s like he breaks up with her once again.

The loss of food and water shows itself through dizziness and the feeling of falling on the floor every moment. If Thor hadn‘t thought about her words and wouldn‘t have come to the conclusion that he must stay by her side, (Y/n) would now lay on the ground.

His strong arms hold her up and his warmth calms her down.

„I‘m so sorry.“ The room is again and again filled with those words from Thor. He feels so guilty about leaving (Y/n) to herself.

„No, I‘m sorry.“ (Y/n) takes his face into her warm hands and looks into his eyes. More and more tears find their way over her face. Thor wipes them away as best as he can.

„You need to hear me out, honey. I never had the intention to hurt you. Everything I ever wanted was to protect you. After Thanos killed my brother, my people and after that half of the universe I thought that I may be the problem. If I couldn‘t save half of the universe, how could I protect the one and only I have ever loved. So I broke up with you and now, now I see how stupid I was. I shouldn‘t have kept you out of my life because that made everything even worse.“ A small smile appears on both their faces and slowly their lips come closer to one another. Finally their lips connect again and they both feel the familiar tingle. It‘s just like in the old days. They are together and partly happy.

„So you stop drinking alcohol and I might start a healthy diet again.“ Thor grins down at (Y/n).

„No, you will start a healthy diet.“

As Steve renters the living room again he catches (Y/n) and Thor on the couch. While Thor has one arm around your shoulder and therefore presses you against his body, you have one arm around his torso. During these terrible days they both seem happy.

#thor #thor odinson one shot #thor odinson #thor odinson imagine #thor oneshot #thor imagine #thor odinson x reader #thor x reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers one shot #infinity war #endgame #avengers #thanos #endgame spoiler #spoiler #avengers spoiler

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blackcatmanor · 4 years

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RWBY V7 Episode 12 Photo Review (Spoilers)

..................WUT

I mean….I can’t really process what happened

So let’s get this part out of the way:

The Good:

Penny and Winter are the true BFFs

Penny becoming more human is endearing to see, and it’s been interesting to see her struggle with understanding emotions against Winter, who also struggles to understand them, in a way. Penny challenging Winter but never abandoning her to join RWBY is nice, and their light conflict is very well done because it shows Penny’s growing humanity struggle against Winter’s much chillier perspective. I really like the dynamic between these two and hope they continue on in the next volume (If Winter dies too this volume I’ll ragequit RWBY), and to be honest it’s become more of a cute bond than Ruby and Penny this volume. Don’t @ me

The fights

Although a lot of the “fights” in this volume were done off screen, when there is fighting this volume it has been extremely good. The camera moves around a lot less so we get a better sense of what is going on, and the moves feel more deliberate to whoever is doing the fighting, such as Ruby and Harriet who dart around a lot, delivering only occasional blows (and Ruby taking more of the blows because she’s not as good as Harriet in hand-to-hand), while Yang and Elm go all-out lady brawl (and it’s nice to see Yang’s semblance again)

Exception: Weiss.

Weiss’ over-reliance on Summoning is making her boring to watch in fights. Seeing the 300 different ways the animators show her spinning around and waving her sword like a magic wand is getting OLD. If you’re going to have her summon all the time, fine, but stop focusing the camera on her. Just show her very distantly in the background waving her sword/wand and focus on how people fight whatever she summons.

The meh:

RWBY vs Ace Ops- welp… I didn’t think the Ace Ops were gonna lose, I thought RWBY would flee and barely get away because the Ace Ops were supposed to be the best of the best. I guess I’m glad they didn’t just go down like total chumps (except Vine- sorry dude), but apparently if you train with the Ace Ops for 6 weeks, you’re as good as them. *Shrug* Who knew? It’s like Fitness Bootcamp- Train with a soldier on an obstacle course once and you’re basically ready to become a member of Seal Team 6, right?

I wish they would have explained this a little more- maybe looping back to the discussion they had in Episode 4 about being friends vs teammates. Maybe RWBY’s personal bond gives them more incentive to win, while the Ace Ops are just going through the motions because it’s just a job to them. Plus I think Elm and Marrow’s inner conflict also maybe helped tipped the sales towards RWBY, perhaps they weren’t trying their hardest, but I wish this was a little more clear

JNPR vs Neo

It’s kind of weird that Neo didn’t incapacitate Oscar, if she was planning to try trapping JNR as well… Or maybe Oscar barely managed to get away? Regardless, Neo had the lamp, so why stick around and wait for more people to show up? The plan was for her to get the lamp FROM Oscar, not necessarily grab Oscar as well. Maybe Neo has her own agenda, which would be cool, but from this episode it looks like she completed her objective but then waited around to fight some more. Maybe getting the lamp was too easy and she likes a challenge...? Who knows (I am saying that a lot for this episode, huh?)

Cinder vs Winter and Penny

This is obviously meh because not much happened, and it’s just set up for the big final fight. With the Ace Ops incap’ed, hopefully RWBY can come in as well to finally fight Cinder directly after dancing around her in V5. I think most of this will go down probably in the Relic room because a grand fight in a cramped hospital room is hard, so I think Cinder will be able to Grimm-snatch the Winter Maiden powers and go down to the relic room, or she will incapacitate whoever does get the powers and drag them there, only to be stopped by RWBY for a big battle. However I don’t think it’ll be Winter Schnee getting the powers since it’ll take too long for the transfer device and they are out of time. I KINDA think now it might be Penny- a girl with an aura/soul- somehow she’ll receive them and it’ll be part of her becoming a real girl (like Pinocchio). Who knows? At this point who gets them is totally up in the air.

The Ugly:

I guess I was right about Tyrian escaping custody again, but it wasn’t because of Salem intervening with Grimm like I thought. It was because Robyn is a terrible person!

Robyn- Please kindly f- off:

I officially HATE Robyn the most. After teetering on a “meh-leaning-towards-general-dislike” feeling, I loathe her now and I hope she gets killed off quickly. She’s a one-dimensional generic hothead character with no personality that is purposely stuck in to create conflict. She is the good guy’s Tyrian- but Tyrian has a reason to be chaotic: He’s an insane zealot. Robyn is just a poorly written idiot.

Robyn just does stupid things that get in everyone’s way all of the time, and actively works to undermine the hero’s at each turn. She prevented the launch of Amity by stealing all the supplies, and now she is going to try and fight in the middle of a cramped ship, risking Tyrian’s escape rather than waiting 5 minutes to duke it out with Clover once Tyrian is safely in jail. The entire time they were squaring off on the ship I kept thinking “Uhm Tyrian’s right there….Tyrian is RIGHT THERE! He’s gonna get out!” Robyn is a liar. She doesn’t care about the people of Mantle, because she’s doing things that could (and did) lead to a serial killer who killed Mantle Citizens escaping.

Not to mention she could have taken Qrow’s advice and talk to Ironwood first! Literally 2 episodes ago you were saying the General had your support and now you’re like “I’LL FIGHT ANYONE, ANYWHERE. Forget talking to people to get the full details and actually following through upon that trust I claimed I had in Ironwood two episodes ago, I’m gonna risk everyone’s lives to fight this out RIGHT here!” She’s the worst!

Confrontation with Qrow and Clover-

This falls under the Ugly because, despite some good dialogue between Clover and Qrow, with Qrow expressing that he feels manipulated while Clover tries to explain his own point of view, every decision made from here on Qrow’s part is inexcusable and totally irrational.

Tyrian joins the fray and inexplicably Qrow agrees to team up with him to take down Clover because THAT can’t possibly fail spectacularly.

Tyrian suggests “putting the kid to bed” but the entire time I knew Tyrian would betray Qrow and go too far with attacking Clover because OF COURSE HE WOULD. But I thought he would sting Clover as a chance to get away, because Qrow would have to focus on getting Clover help. However, what we got was…much, much worse.

Qrow’s questionable decision making

Hey DUMMY- Why not team up with Clover first to neutralize Tyrian again, and then you and Clover can duke it out. Or you and Clover can go talk to James like you wanted to 10 minutes ago!

Oh right…because “You got a score to settle” with Tyrian because this is now a cheesy western where your ego is more important than logic.

I think his bad luck semblance is really just an idiot semblance- like occasionally his semblance makes him do stupid things, leading to horrible outcomes but he mistakenly chalks it up to “bad luck.” It’s also frustrating because this volume they were setting Qrow up to grow into a good character- someone with a lot of anger from the past who learns to cope with it, and learns to accept friendship from others. I guess that’s all over.

So, sadly, Tyrian then murders Clover. It was shocking I will say that...I actually GASPED, and it led to this really cool shot:

But the shock was partly for the wrong reason. Like I said before, I thought Qrow being a dumb-dumb would lead to Clover being injured, sure, but KILLED? Yikes! Qrow’s idiocy leading to Clover being injured would be frustrating, but not unforgivable narratively and he could learn from it. He would learn to not treat his friends as transactional, and automatically write them off when one hint of struggle happens. Qrow’s idiocy in teaming up with a serial killer and getting Clover killed kinda makes Qrow unforgivable in my book. Does CRWBY want me to hate Qrow? I guess so, especially because Clover’s dying scene didn’t exactly stick the landing and alleviate my anger towards Qrow either....

So poor dying Clover is lying there, and a visibly shaken Qrow kneels next to him. So the thought is Qrow is going to realize his horrible mistake, and dive down a pool of self-loathing: tearfully blaming himself, blaming his bad luck, APOLOGIZING, upset about how it’s all his fault, etc. Instead, he delivers (with a straight face) the weirdest line ever about James taking the fall. UHHH- WUT? You teaming up with Tyrian led to this. WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

This sucks. On several levels. Clover’s death was just plain poorly done and a good character was wasted. I really liked Clover. I thought Qrow was going to actually get a break from being shit on this entire series and finally get, at a minimum, a friend that would continue to help him grow and develop as a character, pushing Qrow to see the best in himself and stop continually hating himself. With that cut short, I of course felt super sad and emotional about Clover’s death, even to the point of almost crying.

However, I can’t pretend like a significant part of that isn’t pure frustration anger about how this episode played out. Not only did Clover’s death came about in the dumbest way, but his final words with Qrow were wasted by the weird “James will take the fall” bit.

Qrow should have blamed himself and his semblance (I mean...it actually kinda is his fault, not gonna lie), and Clover could have maybe been the ultimate friend to him, telling Qrow that it happened because Qrow was fighting for what he thought was right, and even though the outcome was horrible he shouldn’t stop fighting for what he believes in…? I dunno….ANYTHING other than “GRRR James will pay”

I can’t help but remember a mere few minutes ago.....

This episode.....woof.

In a long series, you want your hero’s to sometimes lose just to keep it interesting, and to give them something to have to crawl back from. However, what’s interesting is seeing the characters try their best, make reasonable and decent decisions and still suffer a loss, because it makes us want to continue to cheer them on and watch as they make a triumphant comeback. Seeing hero’s simply choke and fail because they make the dumbest, irrational decisions with no logical reason is just frustrating and excruciating to watch, and seeing those moments lead to other characters suffering makes your “hero’s” unlikable.

This argument was made for the V6 climax- that RWBY made a dumb decision and others suffered the consequences, making them “evil” to some hateboner watchers, but I thought this assessment was over dramatic. You have to take things in context, and literally nothing came of RWBY’s decision to steal an airship: the universe was the same as it was before with some filler in the middle. No one was injured or killed, and even the damage to the city was minimal (one roof). Clover, though, is full-on dead and that is entirely Qrow’s fault. I just can’t believe the writers put this down on paper, re-read it, and though- “yea....Someone who totally make the decision to team up with a murderer to subdue their good friend....this is gonna be GREAT.”

But who cares about the story- NEW MERCH DROPPING SOON AMIRITE?!

Ok that was a low blow, but the writing and characters inexplicably took a logical nose dive this episode, after having a lot of thought put into last episode. The characters (especially Qrow, but also Robyn and to a lesser extent Clover) could have made some reasonable and logical decisions and Clover still could have died, which would have had way more impact and made the situation seem way more hopeless. Instead we got Robyn kicking off the shitshow by being just the worst, and Qrow taking the shitshow torch and cranking it up to 11, effectively un-doing all of the development we’ve seen from him this season.

Lastly, even if you are going to have the characters completely fail at making decisions and it leads to a horrible outcome, at least stick the landing and don’t have them go off on some odd tangent about how this is someone else’s fault. *facepalm*

Overall I’d give this episode a very generous 2/10.

The 2 points is because of the decent fight animation and occasionally decent dialogue.

I’m tired...

#rwby v7 #rwby spoilers #rwby vol7 #Robyn Hill #qrow branwen #clover ebi #marrow amin #ruby rose #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #weiss schnee #penny polendina #winter schnee #cinder fall #tyrian callows #rwby salem #oscar pine

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amandaoftherosemire · 5 years

Text

A Lost Hour

Fandom: Marvel Avengers AU

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff X Reader

Characters: Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers

Author: @amandaoftherosemire

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 2,807

Format: One-shot

Warning: Language, fluff, implied smut

Summary: On a mission alone with Natasha Romanoff, you try to keep from annoying her as you hide how much you adore her.

A/N: Written for @buckysforeverprincess’ Hop Into Spring 3K Challenge. Congratulations on 3000, darling!! You’re amazing and you deserve all the love and adoration! My prompt was “Don’t forget daylight savings.” Writing reader inserts is like exercising my brain (second person is not second nature, that’s for damn sure) because I like to make them as neutral as I can. Except, since I’m female, I tend to write from that perspective, which means that all of my reader inserts have been fem!reader. This time, I wanted to stretch my brain in a new direction, so I wrote as neutral as possible, including gender. Please feel free to let me know what you think, including ways I failed. I’m always trying to do better and learn more, so I’m absolutely open to criticism.

A Lost Hour

Natasha watched you out of her peripheral vision from across the motel room. You were standing at the other queen bed unpacking, laying out everything you’d need for the mission the next day, your movements brisk, economical, and lethally efficient for all you were humming what sounded like ‘Hollaback Girl’. Nat appreciated that when it came to the work, you were a silent, stone-cold professional. She would put you at her back any day of the week, her highest compliment.

That said, when you weren’t actively on a mission, you never seemed to stop making noise. If you weren’t talking, and somehow you never ran out of things to talk about, you were humming, singing, muttering, laughing, or just making weird noises with your mouth. If she was the sort who gave in to such things, you could have her literally climbing the walls like the spider for which she was named.

To be fair, it wasn’t that the noises were in reality all that irritating. No one else seemed to notice, for instance. If she was being honest, she wouldn't classify the sounds you made as irritating at all, really. What drove her crazy was that they made it impossible for Natasha to ignore you, though she'd never had that problem before.

She couldn’t quite put her finger on what made you so compelling to her. It wasn’t your looks, though she thought you incredibly attractive. That would never have been enough to capture her attention on its own, however. She’d used her own for both good and evil often enough to know how little beauty truly counted. The fair of face couldn’t catch her eye.

Though she most often pretended to ignore you, sometimes she put on that she found you annoying in order to insist that you be quiet. As a matter of fact, she found your voice, the sounds you made, too appealing. She had to concentrate to tune you out, her ear seeming to naturally tune itself to the timbre of your voice.

She also found your little rants funny, though she groaned as loudly as anyone when you started in on one. You had any number of random little pet peeves and there was no way to know when someone might inadvertently step into one in the course of normal conversation. When you got going, however, was when she found it most difficult to resist the urge to kiss that chattering mouth. Lately, it had only gotten worse.

Because though she could see that you found her physically attractive, she was almost certain you didn't really like her. She was painfully attuned to the tone of your voice and could hear it was often a touch colder when you spoke to her than when you spoke to any other member of the team. You were warm and pleasant with everyone, so it wasn't as though you were mean or rude even then; only Natasha would ever notice the difference.

She refused to let it bother her, but it made it easy to pretend she didn't like you right back.

Once she'd finished the double-check that she had what she needed for the mission in the morning, she repacked everything as it had gone in except for her night clothes and her toiletries bag. You had long since moved on to flipping through the channels, your preparations for the mission less meticulous than hers, though you were hardly sloppy or haphazard. You were still humming under your breath, but you were unusually quiet and she was having a hard time placing the melody.

You were watching Natasha out of the corner of your eye, trying to keep the humming to a minimum. You knew it drove her crazy and you were trying not to irritate her on this mission. You'd been half in love with her almost since you met her. You hated that you annoyed her, but you also couldn't change who you were, so you tried to stay as quiet as possible when she was around.

You'd hotly anticipated and deeply dreaded this mission. Any time you spent with Natasha was nerve-wracking, but an overnight mission, just the two of you sharing a motel room seemed like a recipe for disaster. Disaster for you, at least. You doubted Natasha would even notice you unless you irritated her by talking or humming too much, or if you fucked up your part of the plan.

You, on the other hand, were going to spend the next 24 hours on pins and needles, trying not to give away how absolutely magnificent you thought she was. Sometimes you went too far in the opposite direction, but it was better than her knowing you spent most of your time in her presence internally sighing dreamily

Obviously, she was beautiful. You had eyes; you could see she was gorgeous. You were no more immune to her appeal than the next person. That said, it was her strength that you found most captivating. In addition, you respected her competence and efficiency and you had a nice healthy fear of her lethality. You weren't frightened of her, but like a razor-sharp blade, you didn't take her bite lightly. Her capacity for loyalty had surprised you, but only until you got to know her. Her humor charmed you, made you wish you didn't annoy her because you found her hilarious.

Of all the things about her that made you wish you could at least be friends, however, it was the sweetness laying close to her bones. She hid it well but, where she cared, she was kind and deeply loving in her own quiet way. On more than one occasion, you'd had to start ranting about something stupid to cover for the puppy-dog-eyes you'd been giving her.

When she settled onto her bed with her tablet and a bottle of water, you spoke softly. "Do you want to pick?" you asked as you offered her the remote. "If you leave it up to me, I'll end up watching the crokinole championships on ESPN Twelve like a lunatic."

Natasha frowned a little and lifted puzzled eyes to yours. "What in the world is crokinole?"

You laughed and flipped back to the channel airing the niche game's championship. "Fuck if I know," you replied and settled back against the pillows with a grin, "but in about twenty minutes I bet I'm going to have a whole lot of opinions on technique and strategy."

A half an hour later, both you and Natasha were watching the classic dexterity game with rapt attention, discussing the ongoing bracket as though you'd been following the game for years. You'd looked up the rules on your phone, not that you really needed to. The point of the game was absolutely clear once you'd watched for even just a few minutes, but the Wikipedia page clarified some scoring questions the two of you had.

"Oops, he left a hanger," you were saying as Natasha's phone rang, Steve's number lighting up the screen. You snickered when you saw the picture she'd used for him; it was some promotional shot from the 40s when he was being used to sell war bonds and he had the dumbest cheesy grin on his face.

You loved that she teased Steve in this way, taking potshots at the public persona, the piece of propaganda rather than the private man or the real symbolism of the shield. Steve was one of those she cared about; you always enjoyed watching their dynamic at play.

“If he can pick up the twenty and knock the other guy’s puck into the gutter, I think he’s won it,” she replied as she swiped the screen. She’d gotten as into the game as you had, the two of you finally bonding a little. She didn't notice because she was answering the phone, but you were caught in full-blown puppy-dog-eyes mode.

You sat in silence, watching her smirk at Steve and assure him that she had things well in hand while you grinned at her like exactly what you were, a moron with a desperate crush.

“You’re on speaker if you’ve got anything to tell us both,” Natasha turned to focus on you as she hit the button on the screen. Her eyes met yours, warm and full of fun, then rounded ever so slightly in surprise at the lovesick smile on your face. For the first time, she wasn’t seeing any coolness or reserve in your eyes and she wanted it to never stop. She smiled timidly back at you.

“Just stay safe, watch each other’s backs, and don’t forget about daylight savings.” Steve’s voice snapped you out of it, made you aware you were being stupidly obvious in the way you were staring at Natasha. The smile on her face was almost shy and sweet and was making your heart gallop like a thoroughbred. You latched on to the last thing Steve said like a lifeline.

“Ugh! I hate daylight savings!” You fell backward onto the bed with a groan of annoyance, partly to be dramatic, but mostly to stop looking at Natasha. “Especially Spring forward. You know the whole thing’s pointless, right? It doesn’t even do what it’s supposed to, and some think it’s actively detrimental. But no, we keep doing it because we’re stup—"

“I’m on it, Cap,” Natasha cut you off with a good-natured chuckle as she got up to sit next to you on your bed. She patted your knee affectionately as she finished the phone call and hung up. You propped yourself up on your elbows and watched her, nervous but oddly excited.

Natasha had never been this friendly before.

“I thought you didn’t like me,” she said quietly. This evening with you, learning the intricacies of a game neither of you had heard of before, had seduced her in ways she’d never thought to expect, let alone guard against. The uncomplicated adoration she’d seen on your face as you looked at her gave her the confidence to speak bluntly.

“No!" you cried, distressed that you'd made her think so when you thought so highly of her. You gave her a sheepish smile and ducked your head. "I know I can be annoying,” you said, wrinkling your nose. “I don’t want to irritate you by scampering after you.”

Her mouth curved and her eyelids lowered in an expression both earthy and ethereal. Your heart skipped and you knew you were in way over your head. “You’re not irritating or annoying,” she said. When doubt flickered across your face, she felt a pang of remorse. “You’re distracting,” she murmured.

“Distracting?" You frowned a little, not sure if that was a compliment or not. "Is that good or bad?” you asked, a little breathless. The look on her face was making your heart race.

“Well," she said softly, and leaned in ever so slightly. You were painfully aware of every movement she made, and your breath caught in response. "That depends." You had seen her flirt for work; this was nothing like that. Her eyes were direct, her body language straightforward, and you would swear that she was trying to be as honest as she could.

"On?" you prompted and sat up. You and she were face to face now, but neither of you moved, though you were both practically holding your breath in anticipation.

The corner of her mouth lifted in the slightest of smiles, your eyes following the movement with meticulous care as you waited for her next words with a heart pounding in desperate hope. "On if I'm trying to ignore you," she replied, her smile spreading and her eyes turning surprisingly shy. "I tend to ignore that which I don't think I can have. Or whom."

Her eyes seemed to sear into yours, the dreamy green going sharp as jade. You shifted forward a fraction of an inch, your hand twitching towards hers before you stopped it, terrified to overstep and fuck up this exhilarating conversation. "And I don't know how to shut up, especially when I'm nervous."

Natasha wasn't smiling now, but you had absolutely no idea what she was thinking, her expression inscrutable. "I make you nervous?"

You gave a quick, disbelieving laugh. "Have you met you?" You didn't know why, because she hadn't moved, but you started to feel like she was leaning away from you. You kept talking, because you were terrified you were fucking this up, and you always talked too much when freaked out. "Between your strength and skill, oof, and your mind, you'd be the most intimidating woman on the planet. Add in the humor on top of everything else and you're spectacular. I'm astonished whenever I manage not to babble."

By the time you managed to shut yourself up, she was smiling again. You didn't know it, but she had thought you were going to start yammering on about her physical appearance and nothing was more likely to make her dismiss someone as not worth her time. Marks underestimated her because of her looks; she didn't waste her real self on marks. Instead, you were charming her with your chattering about how intimidating you found her, not her face. "So, you're telling me I don't need to ignore you."

"Not if you don't want to," you said, making her smile wider with your earnestness. You went on, shy yourself this time. "And if you don't mind if I babble."

Wasn't this a pleasant surprise? she thought. The discovery that you found her as appealing as she found you was the best thing she'd learned in a while. She decided to live a little and tell you the whole truth. "When you babble, it makes me want to kiss you."

Your eyes popped open and your mouth spread in a wide smile. You didn't know what had led to your good fortune, but you weren't going to question it. You licked your lips and your heart kicked when her eyes followed the movement. "Even when I babble about something stupid, like daylight savings?" you asked, audibly breathless.

She smirked a little. This time it was she who eased forward a little, causing you to sway toward her without thinking. She was close enough now that you could see the flecks of gold in her eyes and her mouth was close enough that you imagined you could feel her breath on your skin. That tempting mouth curved in amusement. "Especially when you babble about something stupid like daylight savings.”

"People think it's for farmers," you immediately launched into anything you could remember about why daylight savings sucks and is stupid, but you were barely thinking about the words coming out of your mouth, "but that doesn't make sense in a modern era with electric ligh--"

Natasha laughed, which had you slowing down, delighted to make her laugh out loud for the first time. She'd tell you later that she laughed internally at the things you said all the time. For now, you were simply enthralled at the sound of her laugh when you inspired it.

You didn't stop talking, however, until she took your face in her hands and stopped your words with a soft, almost tentative kiss. Slowly, gently, you slid your arms around her, pulling her close as she melted against you. She slid her arms around you in turn, enchanted by the soft generosity she found in your mouth, in your arms.

A long time later, she pulled away reluctantly, only to sink back in with a chuckle at the misty-eyed look of awed adoration you gave her. Silent and smiling, you'd been struck speechless and so opted to let her have her way, happy to follow where she led.

The next morning at 5:00 AM, according to the phone buzzing next to the bed, and 4:00 AM according to your body, Natasha leaned across you to turn off the alarm. When it was quiet in the impersonal dark of the motel room once more, she snuggled back down under the covers, her arm sliding around your waist as she rested her head on your shoulder. You smiled at the ceiling, delighted by the sunset cloud currently tickling your nose.

"You're right. I hate daylight savings," she murmured.

"See!" you whispered hotly as you cuddled close, delirious at the feel of her satin skin sliding against yours and incensed that you were going to have to give it up soon. "If not for daylight savings I’d get to spend another hour in bed with you. It's fucking stupid." That was as far as you got before Nat was rising over you in the dark to press her mouth against yours again.

For the first time in either of your careers, you nearly missed a mission because of daylight savings.

The End

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rancoeur-the-unfortunate · 4 years

Text

Pills (Chapter 23)

(2187 words (not to happy about that))

To say the Tallest were surprised the see Skoodge would be an understatement. Not only were they startled to see him, but they were astonished to see him in one piece.

Not that it mattered, Skoodge was alive and now they had to deal with him.

"We could just throw him out the airlock." Purple suggested as the two laid in the lounging room.

Red, who was resting vertically on the couch, a bag of chips in his lap, shook his head.

"That's your solution to everything."

"Yeah but it's a good solution. Quick, effective, and easy to forget." Purple shot back. The purple-clad Irken was laying on his back in a mess of pillows and blankets, staring up into the ceiling.

"Yeah, it also completely terrifies the crew. You DO realize how apprehensive everyone is around us right?" Tallest Red glanced at his co-ruler.

"So? They should be."

Red shook his head. "Irken's are supposed to strike fear into the hearts of OTHERS, not other Irkens."

Tallest Purple rolled his eyes. "Sound's stupid."

"Whatever, we're getting off-topic. We still need a position for Invader Skoodge." Red spoke with a mouthful of chips.

"Yeah, airlock!"

"No!" Red sighed and rubbed his temples.

"Why not just turn him into another food-service drone, oh why not a butler?! I've always wanted one of those!" Purple chipped.

"You have six." Red droned.

"Yeah, but it never hurts to have more."

"Irk, sometimes I wish you would just take these things seriously!" Red tossed the bag of chips at the other.

"Hey! I take DO take these things seriously! Not my fault that my methods are superior to yours!"

"Do you even know what superior means?"

Purple sputtered. "Uh duh! It means 'Tallest Purple is the coolest and Red is stupid'!"

"Now that's just the dumbest thing I've ever heard." Red sat up and crossed his arms.

"You're face is the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" Purple picked up on a smaller pillow and threw it at Red, smacking him back.

Said Tallest snarled, "That's it!" He lounged out and grasped his purple compadre by his neck and smacked his head against the floor.

"Hey! No fair!" Purple shrieked and grabbed a hold of Red by his ribs and pinched causing the Tallest to let up just enough for his counterpart to escape from underneath him and pin him down on his chest with his arm forced behind him.

Red may have been the more critical thinker of the two, but Purple was definitely stronger.

Their brawl was interrupted by a sudden knock at the door.

Wanting to keep their dignity, Purple stood up as did Red. They straightened up and dusted themselves off before glaring at each other. They only stopped when Purple noticed Red's left antenna what bent awkwardly from the scuffle.

"Hold still." Purple grabbed Red's chin and forced him to look down while he straightened the appendage.

"Hrk!" Red was surprised at first but when Purple released him and noticed what he had done and smiled.

"Thanks, Pur."

Purple smiled back, but their moment was interrupted by another burst of harsh knocks.

"Who is it?!" Tallest Purple screamed.

"My Tallest, I hope I am not interrupting." A gruff voice came from the other side of the door.

"Oh, of course not Doctor, please come in." Tallest Red had a look of relief on his face.

The double doors opened revealing the good Doctor.

"My Tallest." He greeted.

"Any updates on that project of yours." Tallest Red asked.

"Sadly, progress is pretty slow due to my lack of help but I should have a defiant answer soon enough." The Doctor nodded.

"That's a shame. We were just talking about what were are going to do with Skoodge and-"

"Wait. I apologize for interrupting my Tallest but did you just say Skoodge? Invader Skoodge?" The Doctor nearly squealed.

"Uh yes? What about him?" Purple didn't like the look in the Doctor's eyes.

"My Tallest, if it is no objection to you, I'd like to have Skoodge be my personal assistant."

"Skoodge? Really? What about those dozens of other scientists you got in your lab?" Red inquired.

"Please my Tallest. I ask so little of you..." The Doctor bowed his head. "Invader Skoodge is just the Irken I need."

"Eh alright. If it gets him out of our antennae." Purple shrugged.

"Yes, thank you my Tallest. You truly are the most generous beings in the universe." The Doctor bowed once more, partly to show respect but mainly because he needed to hide that smirk on his face.

"Yeah, yeah, you can leave us now." Purple made a shooing motion with his hand.

The Doctor nodded and obliged. As soon as the room's number was back to two the Tallest let out a pent up shake.

"Irk! That guy gives me the creeps!" Purple exclaimed.

"I know what you mean." Red agreed.

The two, with a sigh, went back to their places on the couch and floor respectively.

Unknown to them as the Doctor was walking away from the door, hands behind his back, a dark smirk crossed his lips.

The Tallest were idiots, the drugs that the Doctor had been mixing in with their food didn't help but all the same. They were morons and had just given him a just edge he needed. Control the Tallest and you control everyone.

Now in his lab, the Doctor began to tidy up. Not for the sake of his guest mind you, but for the fact that he didn't need Skoodge poking around and seeing something that he really shouldn't.

"Doctor? He's here." One of the guards informed him.

"Ah yes, send him in. You can leave us." The guard nodded in acknowledgment and left the room.

Less than 2 minutes later Skoodge opened the door nervously.

No, he was not afraid of this monster but being so close to him was nerve-wracking. Calm down Skoodge, try to act like your drugged up self.

"Um? D-Doctor?"

"Hello, Skoodge." The Doctor turned to face him.

"Wha-what am I doing h-here?" Skoodge's uncertainty was bleeding through his act.

"Why, because you're my new assistant now."

"What?!"

The Doctor smirked and walked around the stumpy Irken.

"Yes, so we'll have lots of time to get to know each other." The Doctor's tone was terrifying, how could Zim have dealt with this as long as he had?

Skoodge gulped.

"Now, let's get started shall we?"

"Uh, Doctor are you sure I'm right for this job? I've never really had experience in a lab." Skoodge wanted to shrink away from the sudden glare he received from the Doctor that was quickly replaced with a soft but sinister smile.

"Oh don't worry. I promise you'll do just fine."

-Back to the present-

Skoodge stood beside the Doctor as he worked, holding a tray of tools for him. The Doctor was hunched over his station tinkering away and occasionally picking up a tool from Skoodge's tray. On the Doctor's workbench was a collar and a remote, the devices he had been working on for the past hour. Skoodge had no idea what they were for but at this point, he was too scared to ask.

Skoodge was pretty sure that the Doctor knew he wasn't on his medication. But if that was the case, why hadn't the doctor put him back on it? Was it just to watch him squirm? Skoodge wouldn't put it past the guy. The good Doctor was always a shifty guy. Who always got his way.

Skoodge would run if he didn't think the creep was up to something.

"Gah! This isn't working. Skoodge hand me my drink."

Skoodge was snapped out his thoughts and set down the tray on the desk and rushed to the minifridge to get the Doctor's drink. The taller Irken hardly ever had the time to go out and get some sort sustenance so having a minifridge a nice convenience. Setting the drink on the Doctor's desk, Skoodge picked up the tray.

The Doctor, taking a break from his task, takes his drink his drink from Skoodge. He gives him a curt "Thank you" before picking up his notebook and began to read. Skoodge had no idea what was in the unmarked, blue cans that the Doctor was always drinking, but they seemed to provide him with all the nutrients he needs because he never eats or drinks anything else.

The Doctor takes a sip and sets the drink down to turn the page of his notebook before looking forward, away from the notes suddenly.

"Skoodge?"

"Yes, sir?"

"I need you to get my-hnk!" Before he could finish the Doctor's left arm started shaking, knocking his drink off the desk, spilling its contents.

"Gah!" The Doctor gripped his arm his breath hitching in fear and panic.

"Sir are you alri-?"

"I'm just FINE!" The Doctor cut him off with a snarl.

Skoodge took a step back, while the Doctor tried to regain control of his arm by grabbing it with his right hand.

"Skoodge." The Doctor was talking through his teeth in obvious pain.

"Go get me my syringe. Now."

Skoodge bolted out of the room to fetch said tool. In the back room was a box full of syringes. Skoodge grabbed a few and rushed back to the taller Irken and got to work. The Doctor had these 'problems' often and had taught Skoodge just what to do.

If Skoodge was anymore sadistic he would have left the Doctor to suffer, but he wasn't. He helped the Doctor time and time again and tried to keep his curiosity at bay to keep his head on his shoulders.

When he got back in the room the Doctor was now on the floor curled up in a back with a swollen arm clutched tight to his chest.

Skoodge helped the Doctor sit up and held his arm out. He turned it so that the underside was up and grabbed one of the needles.

Ignoring the Doctor's growls and whimpers Skoodge injected the needle in the inner elbow, where many other previous holes occupied. He then pulled the plunger back and began to suction the fluid that had been making his arm swell. It was clear and lime green. It thick like jelly and there was a lot of it. Once the first syringe was full Skoodge stuck in the next one. He did this 5 more times before the doctor told him to stop.

"But there's still some in there." Skoodge tried to but in, but the Doctor simply held his other hand to stop Skoodge.

"The swelling is gone. That is all we need, just clean the wound please." He asked softly.

Skoodge sighed and grabbed his medkit from his pak and began to tend and bandage the wounds.

Once he was done, the Doctor grabbed the syringes and placed them in a safe on one of the higher shelves Skoodge couldn't reach.

"Now, where were we?" The Doctor sat down at his desk and began to tinker once more as if nothing happened.

If you asked Skoodge would have no answers for what just happened. This was the third time this week.

The Doctor would be fine one minute, then the next he was shaking and swelling up and Skoodge would have to help him. But the Doctor never let him get all of it out for some reason. What also concerned skoodge was the fact that the Doctor never bled during these procedures. All that came out was that thick stuff.

What was that stuff and why did the Doctor keep it in a safe? More importantly, why was his body producing so much of it?

Skoodge sighed, not expecting the answers to come to him any time soon and takes his spot beside the Doctor, holding his tray of tools.

Gaz sat on the couch with her dad, the TV was on but Gaz was too immersed into her GS2 to watch. When the theme for Mysterious Mysteries started playing.

"Say your brother is coming back today isn't he?" Her dad asked.

"Yeah, I guess so." She responded apathetically not looking up from her game.

"I do hope he had a nice time with his little green friend."

"Eh. I'd be surprised if they both came back alive."

"Oh, honey. You always were the funny one!" The Professor laughed and rubbed his daughter's hair in the process.

"Yeah, whatever." Gaz swats his hand away and stood up. "I'm going to go get a snack."

"Alright, honey." The Professor watched his daughter leave before turning his attention back to the T.V., he then reached down for the remote and changed the channel.

(Hello, I'm really sorry for this late AND short chapter. But with school, homework, and family life I keep losing time to continue writing this. I promise to keep updating this but the spaces between might be longer than usual. Aside from that, I'd love to receive feedback and theories about this book. It's the comments that keep me writing this emotional rollercoaster of a story.)

#invader zim #Pills #invader zim zadr #zadr #skoodge #gaz #Professor Membrane #really disappointed in myself

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ohjohnno · 4 years

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Outrageous Fortune Reviewcap: S1E09 (”When The Blood Burns”)

I’ve been demurring on this one, partly because of real life shit (well, mostly that to be honest) but also because this episode isn’t all that good. It’s an episode entirely centering around Antony Starr’s characters, and I sure hope they paid him double, cos the range he needed for it was tremendous. But, unfortunately, one of those characters (Van) just isn’t all that interesting yet, and the other (Jethro) is ill-served by one of the dumbest and most unfortunate sideplots the show has yet had. So, without further ado, we’ll get this one out of the way, and I’ll try and keep it short.

We open with a dual appearance from the two most irritating characters in the show: Tracy and Suzy Hong, their differences now thoroughly mended and united in enjoying themselves by tormenting Van.

Yeah, it’s as insufferable as it looks. An incensed Van finally snaps and threatens to quit; Mr. Hong overhears, but Van finally manages to stand up for himself and it pays off: Mr. Hong makes him manager of one of his local little stores, which seems to sell mostly cheap novelty junk. I’m not entirely sure why he does this, honestly, but it’s a mildly important character moment for Van, so okay, I guess?

Meanwhile, in the West household, things are getting a little crazy.

Cheryl and Kacey are promoting their new underwear business with a sorta quasi-striptease party, hosted by and for middle-aged women. It’s one of the aspects of the episode I like best, not because the women are sexy but more because they really aren’t; they’re a bunch of trashy fortysomething women, reminding the world that it isn’t just model-type people who like having sex, or who know how to have fun with it. Kacey makes this explicit with a little barb at the morbidly fascinated Pascalle, telling her they didn’t offer to use her as a model because they wanted to use “real women”, which is a nice reminder that toxic standards of femininity cut cruelly in both directions. So, yeah, good segment - made all the better by the horror of the younger girls who’ve been dragged along.

Van returns, utterly nonplussed at the scene before him, and they all retreat to the bedroom. Antony Starr’s comic acting here is great, actually - he follows the others to the room and finds them using his drugs with an indignant and confused response of “well... don’t!”, and it makes me laugh every time. Draska expresses some clear interest in him, which he once again ignores, as usual. The next scene is where the plot properly begins.

The gist of it is this: the Hongs’ local store has their goods transported from warehouse to shelf by Draska’s clan, the Doslics. Van discovers that there’s a discrepancy between the number of trading cards he was meant to be shipped and the number he actually received; he goes and politely asks the Doslics about it, and they do not take that well.

I come from good people - HONEST people! Made strong by our troubles!

Naturally, they think he’s accusing them of thievery. Naturally, this makes Van pretty sure they really are committing thievery, and a raging Mr. Hong agrees. The two proceed to keep escalating tensions, and the rest of the Wests get caught in the crossfire; mama Doslic gets into a fight with Cheryl in a supermarket car park, Pascalle finds her old tyre-modelling photos all defaced with violent graffiti, and it’s all mildly funny but also kinda dull. Eventually, it turns out that Van’s mate Munter has been stealing the cards from the warehouse all along, using the keys Van gave him for safekeeping. This is not the last time Van will find himself victimized by the consequences of his own actions.

I’m blasting through *a lot* of this plot here really quickly, and that’s cos it just isn’t very interesting for the most part. It’s trying to be a farce, mostly, and it sometimes succeeds; Van’s initial confrontation with the Doslics is really quite funny, and his steadily increasing panic as the situation just goes more and more wrong isn’t bad either. But it’s all a bit too by-the-numbers and predictable, and in the end none of the stakes feel real; we all know that in an episode like this, the Hongs and the Doslics were never really gonna properly come to blows, and they don’t. Van confesses a lot of stuff to Draska in a couple of secret meetings, and while he’s initially paranoid about her loyalty, she proves herself by finding a way to fix the issue; she places all the blame for the break-ins on Eric (who was selling the stolen cards anyway, after buying them from Munter) and the two families come together to absolutely motherfucking whoop the guy’s ass, leaving him looking rather worse for wear.

...next thing I know I’m getting the shit kicked out of me by half the West Auckland United Nations!

If I have a favorite moment in this plot, it’s probably near the beginning, when the elder Doslic is first bringing in what he believes to be the full shipment of cards. He’s ranting and raving, the whole time he does it, about how much he just damn well hates the “chinks” and their terrible language skills, not to mention their driving - all while speaking in a heavy Croatian accent himself and also, oh yeah, taking their money. This show really does get quite a lot of comedy out of the idea that solidarity between marginalized groups really just doesn’t exist.

The rest of it, though? I mean, it does contain a couple of important moments, I guess. Van, after initially lying to protect Munter and only making everything worse, is genuinely willing to offer himself up, blame himself entirely, and essentially sacrifice himself in order to save everyone’s hides, and only doesn’t end up doing it because Draska fixes it all before he has to. That’s a nice reminder that Van, at his core, really is a genuinely good person, and that his internal conflict as a character all comes from the tension between that and the toxic masculinity he’s had indoctrinated deep within him by his father and the culture he’s grown up in. Cheryl demonstrates where her loyalties lie and takes Van’s side without a second’s hesitation after mama Doslic shows up with complaints; for all her problems with Van, she really does love him unconditionally. But there’s also too much stuff that doesn’t come off, like Van’s boring interactions with a mildly delinquent kid who likes the trading cards, or Tracy’s ever-one-dimensional mistreatment of Van.

Still, at least it’s better than Jethro’s plot.

Remember how Tracy knows now about Jethro’s little rape-by-deception thing a few episodes ago? Well, she still doesn’t seem to be thinking of it as rape, but she is trying to get him to apologize for it nonetheless. Jethro, meanwhile, wants to root her again, and he knows he can’t do that without apologizing. So Jethro’s plot this episode is several scenes in a row of him miserably failing to pull off a convincing apology, and... that’s it, really. Hugh’s back, being annoying as usual (though it’s intentional enough that it doesn’t bother me too much), and Loretta briefly shows up to mock him for how bad he is at apologizing (talk about the pot calling the kettle black!), but for the most part this is all really redundant and dull. The only interesting part comes in Loretta’s video shack, where Jethro straight up lies to Caroline’s face, right in front of Loretta, in order to make himself some free time to go and keep trying it with Tracy. Loretta, of course, is too sociopathic to feel sorry for her, and we all knew a couple of episodes ago that Jethro wasn’t gonna be able to maintain it with her as a regular relationship, but the beginnings of heartbreak on Caroline’s face as she begins to get an inkling, in her subconscious, of what’s going on is genuinely sad.

But the ending of this plot? It’s awful, and in a really unfortunate way. In the end, see, it turns out Tracy never really wanted an apology; she likes Jethro, doesn’t really care about the fact that he deceived her in such an intimate way, and wants it with him again. She decides he’s ready when... he just refuses to apologize one time, admitting he isn’t sorry because (and this is possibly the worst line of dialogue in the whole show, so brace yourselves): “why would I be, when it was the best fuck I’ve ever had?”

Eugh.

So they start having an affair, and that’ll stay important. Meanwhile, Van’s plot ends similarly, in the superficial respect: Draska finally convinces him to have sex with her, as a celebration for the two of them getting out of that little escapade with everything intact, and it’s also the start of a relationship. Her toxicity, of course, has been evident the whole time from her unhealthy fixation on him, but if she demonstrated anything in this episode it was her intelligence and resourcefulness, so one suspects bad things on the horizon for Van. Nothing much happens with the rest of the characters - Loretta doesn’t do much other than the aforementioned mockery of Jethro and some mildly funny jabs at Pascalle’s choice of career, and Pascalle doesn’t do much other than get all horrified by what’s been done to her poster. On the whole, then, this is a disappointing episode, and maybe the worst one so far. Van will get good, I promise - the potential is all there already. But we’ve still gotta wait for now. Until next time.

#Antonia Prebble #Siobhan Marshall #antony starr #Robyn Malcolm #grant bowler #television #outrageous fortune #Frank Whitten #rachel lang #Gutter Black #nz

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trash-writes-stuff · 4 years

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Metathesiophobia (Scriddler)

Gotham has seen its fair share of chaos in the past years, but nothing could prepare them for the trouble that started brewing when two certain rogues met under the not-so-loving roof of Arkham Asylum.

Chapter Four:

I Want Your Drama, The Touch of Your Hand

When Jon awoke after a few hours, his mind felt almost at ease. That wasn’t to say that he was ready to talk to anyone yet, far from it actually. No, it just meant he could think over what had happened just a few hours ago.

He wanted to slap himself. He really wanted to slap himself. What was wrong with him? Was he THAT out of it? The fact that this probably gave Edward the wrong idea made Jon almost feel sick to his stomach. Granny would have murdered him if she was still alive. Although he couldn’t remember being at such ease around anyone in such a long time, not even with Harley. He was glad Edward came, even though he’d never admit it. He couldn’t even think about it without it making him feel horrified.

God, but why did Edward make Jonathan feel this way? He shouldn’t have made him feel what Jon had felt. Yet every time Edward smiled, Jon felt that sickening feeling in his chest and something stirring in his lower stomach. He hated himself for it. Hell, every time Edward spoke, he felt a strange urge to hold the man close and never let him go. He felt like a hormone crazed teen, but that was the problem wasn’t it. Because that wasn’t him. It couldn’t be.

That wasn’t him. It was wrong. It was so wrong, but how could something so wrong feel so right? It shouldn’t feel right to want him. But Jonathan did want him, oh how he wanted him. He tried to link it to the fact that human usually want what they cannot have. How his stomach had sunk when he realized that these feelings weren’t as unfamiliar to him as he wished they were.

The last time he felt this way was in high school, but it wasn’t the same as this. It was never like this. He and Edward had gotten very close way faster than Jon could have imagined. Edward was his friend, nothing more, nothing less. And it would stay that way. It should stay that way. It MUST stay that way.

How he wanted to curl up and stay in bed for the rest of the day. It was sadly impossible. But one can dream, right?

He covered his face with his hands and realized that Granny had been right about one thing.

He was a sinner and he would burn in hell.

Edward got no sleep that night, partly from the fact that his bed was far too uncomfortable that night, but mostly because of the adrenaline that was rushing through his veins. Jon had done THAT out of all things and Edward was still baffled by what had happened. He was at a loss for words, and for the first time in years his mind wasn’t rushing.

No, that was a lie. His thoughts were running around his brain faster than usual, but they weren’t the thoughts he usually had. He called him EDDIE of all things! Edward utterly despised being called that, yet the way it rolled off Jon’s tongue in that accent of his made Edward’s stomach flutter in ways it shouldn’t have. He even smiled at him. Jonathan smiled! He never smiles, not even when he’s around Harley! It all left Edward so very confused.

What did it all mean?

Edward was positive that Jonathan didn’t swing that way. Hell, if someone was to ask Edward, he’d claim that Jon wasn’t even interested in relationships. Why would he care if Jon wanted to engage in relationships or no? And why did the idea of Jon being uninterested sadden him? Oh, that thought was bad, those thoughts had to stop.

He was certain that Jon had not meant it that way, he was absolutely positive that Jonathan had no interest in him, yet he seemed to hope for something he could not explain to himself. Why hadn’t he minded when Jonathan held him by the hair? Why hadn’t he gotten offended when Jonathan ignored him? Why was Jonathan so different? Why were Edward’s reactions different when it came to the lanky man?

From day one Edward’s behavior towards Jonathan was different. But why?

He prided himself on being the man with the answers, yet the answers to these questions were unclear to him. He didn’t even know where to start when answering them. It haunted Edward to no end. This needed to stop. He had to stop before he fucked something up. Did he really want to stop?

He had to talk to Oswald immediately.

At breakfast, Edward didn’t sit next to Harley and Jon. He decided to sit next to Oswald and Harvey. Both Harley, Oswald and Harvey noticed. They were all equally confused.

At the ‘high class table’, which was what the table that Oswald and Harvey sat at was named by the inmates, Edward was miserably poking the disgusting mush on his plate, which was supposed to be called breakfast. What snapped Edward out of his trance was Oswald calling his name.

“Edward, my boy, what on Earth has gotten into you?” Edward shook his head at Oswald’s words. Harvey seemed to be ignoring both of them, which didn’t really help Edward open up. He wanted the man to go away, but Oswald rather enjoyed his company so none could do. The ginger sighed and looked up at Oswald.

“Something, or rather someone, has been on my mind lately. In ways I don’t want them to be. In ways I shouldn’t want them to be. And I just don’t know what to do about it.” Edward’s tone was downright sad, and Oswald had not heard him sound like that in all the years he had known the ginger genius. Before he could say anything, however, Harvey decided to speak up.

“I bet you 20 bucks it’s about Crane.” He said in an almost bored tone, and Edward was ready to take his plastic spoon and take Harvey’s eyes out. He would dig them right out of their sockets and keep them as trinkets. And then he’d shove Harvey into one of his Puzzle Rooms and leave him to die. Oswald must have noticed his frustration, as he placed a comforting hand on Edward’s shoulder, sending a disappointed look in Harvey’s direction. Harvey raised his hands in defeat.

“We’re just pointing out the obvious. He’s been staring at our local Scarecrow since we sat down. Gawking at him like a lost puppy.” Oswald squeezed Edward’s shoulder harder, and it was probably the only thing keeping Edward from going feral and tearing the Duke of Duality into two pieces.

“Harvey that is quite enough, thank you.” Said Oswald almost bitterly. He knew that Edward and Harvey had, shall we say, a rough past, but this was downright unnecessary, and he didn’t want either of them to end up in solitary. Who else would he hold knowledgeable conversations with? Now that Oswald thought about it, there were a few people who he would be able to talk to, but no one would be able to replace the two idiots in front of him.

“Now, Edward. What exactly seems to be the problem?” Oswald turned to face Eddie again. The ginger was still glaring daggers into the two-faced man across the table, but his expression changed into the downcast one he wore before Harvey decided to speak up.

“The problem is that I don’t know what to do. How do I make these thoughts stop before I ruin everything with him? I am absolutely positive that he doesn’t even do relationships.” Now, Oswald was no therapist, and he was no expert with feelings of affection, having never truly felt them. He wasn’t the person to help Edward with this, but the least he could do is listen and try to offer some advice.

And try his damn hardest he will.

“Professah please talk to me. Somethin’ is on your mind, I can tell.” Harley spoke, but Jon didn’t really pay her too much attention. He was trying to look anywhere but at the green-eyed ginger which only sat a few tables away from him. Least to say, he was failing. Miserably at that.

“I wanted to break him, Harley. I really, really did.” He spoke, mostly to himself, which didn’t mean that Harley didn’t hear him. She was trying to put the pieces together, but her friend wasn’t making much sense, which was usual when they talked about feelings. There were so many options at the moment but only one really seemed to make sense right now.

“So, you like him? You know, like, ‘like’ like him?” She asked, shifting her gaze to the man in question. Jonathan’s cheeks got a reddish hue, and he immediately turned to face Harley. He looked downright offended. Harley could swear on her life that she had never seen him blush, which distracted her from how betrayed Jon looked.

“Are you crazy? Of course I don’t.” Crane said, far too quickly, almost stumbling on his words. Harley met his glare with a disbelieving expression. She was looking at him like he just said the dumbest thing that the human mind could conjure. And to her it absolutely was. She knew that Jon didn’t understand feeling completely, exempt when it came to fear, of course. But how could a man as smart as he be so god damn stupid?

“I don’t mean to be rude, Jonny, but he’s completely smitten with you. You are just blind.” And had she been anyone else but Harley, he would have slapped her right there and then. This was absolute crazy talk. Crane refused to acknowledge it. And he refused to tolerate it. He stood up and headed right of the dining hall.

That sentence may have been a slap to the face for him, but the action of him outright leaving in the middle of a conversation was just a downright kick in the gut for Harley. She would have chased him and given him a piece of her mind, but this was Jonathan. He was raised to believe certain things, and Harley couldn’t do much about it no matter how hard she tried. How she wanted to run up to Edward, to tell him everything Jon felt towards the ginger. But she couldn’t, Jonathan would hate her for it. She had worked so hard to gain his trust; she couldn’t lose it over something like this. So she just sat there, alone, until she finished her breakfast and left for her therapy session.

Edward noticed Crane storming out of the dining hall. Of course he did. He had also noticed the occasional stares he got from the brunette man. He had never been more disoriented in his life. Why was this man so mysterious? Edward could of course look into Jon’s files, but that would just ruin the little trust he barely managed to earn. No, he would have to talk to Jon. But he didn’t want to. What would he even say? Edward sighed out of frustration, placing his head in the palms of his hands.

“Love him?” Jonathan grumbled to himself in his cell that night. “Preposterous.” He couldn’t be in love with Edward. The mere idea of it was absurd to Jon. But Edward’s laugh haunted him. It tormented his mind. How adorably disgusting that whole exchange had been, and how strange it had made Jonathan feel. How he let it carry on for longer than he should have. Why did he? Harley couldn’t be right, right? Unsure of what to do, he starts humming.

“Everybody knows what's going down, when a murder of crows start hanging around.” Harley had played him this song many times, saying how it completely fit him. She wasn’t exactly wrong.

” Oh no.” His voice isn’t exactly melodic, and it isn’t what someone would usually call a nice voice to listen to. But his singing wasn’t bad. He knew how to sing, from all the days he spent in church as a little boy.

“I gotta keep it on the down low.” He made the song sound more sinful than it was. His tone was calm, steady. Yet it had a certain eerie undertone, one that would send shivers down ones back.

“Cause he's buried in the back near the tracks, by a field of corn rows.” His voice drops. It’s a damn song, not some sacred summoning ritual, yet when he sings anything, the line kind of blurs.

” When the dirty old dog starts sniffing around, uncover my crime there underground. Oh no.” He paused and took a long, deep breath.

“I gotta keep it where the sun don't go.” Memories came back. What he would give to kill that witch again.

“Cause he's buried in the back near the tracks, by a field of corn rows.” He lets out a low chuckle, from deep within his throat.

“Oh God I've done it now, please help this sinner out. Oh no. Have mercy on my soul.” He sang a bit louder, his accent slipping. Who cares if someone heard him, he was enjoying himself.

“Cause he's buried in the back near the tracks, by a field of corn rows.” He finished, his voice dropping even lower, sounding almost gravely. He lets out another low chuckle. How he missed singing. He forgot how much it calmed him.

Enough distractions, he needed to think now. What was he supposed to do, talk to Edward about this? No, absolutely not. What a ridiculous idea. Edward would probably just laugh at him. At how pathetic this whole situation is. Firsthand embarrassment, that is what talking to Edward would result in. It was better for Jon to cut ties now, whilst he still could. He didn’t want to, though. He wanted Edward. That was such a tough pill to swallow, but he wanted the ginger man. Jonathan hated himself for it. He could barely admit it to himself without feeling sick to his stomach.

He doesn’t love Edward. Or at least if he does, he won’t admit it to himself. But he wants him. Why, Jonathan doesn’t know. Perhaps it’s the loneliness finally getting to him, or maybe it’s just because of how smart and interesting Edward is. He needs more time to figure it out.

He also needs to apologize to Harley.

“Professor Crane, what do you need?” Oh Ivy was pissed; she was absolutely furious. How dare this asshole treat Harley that way, after all she does for him. Jon just stared at her, almost bored. Harley sat next to Ivy, pouting hard and not even looking at Jon.

“Harley listen-“ Before he could even finish his sentence, Ivy cut him off.

“Leave. Now.” Crane did not have time for this. He would speak to Harley at rec time. There was nothing Ivy could do about it. He just glared at the green-skinned woman before turning tail and leaving. He had therapy to get to. After that, he’d talk to Harley. He would apologize for acting like an utter fool and actually talk to her about what he was feeling.

He would.

Long story short, he didn’t. Harley was with Ivy again, and Jon could do absolutely nothing. Harley abandoned their little gossip session. Crane was already regretting so much; he didn’t need another regret to carry. He sat alone on the couch. Just another 45 minutes of being alone. He needed this.

“Ah, Professor Jonathan Crane. Just the man I was looking for.” Jon turned to locate the source of the familiar voice. He saw none other than the Penguin. He had never really spoken to the man, not being interested in the mafia and mob business. From what he had heard, Oswald Cobblepot was a powerful man. But from Jon’s point of view, he was just an unloved child who grew into a greedy man with a Napoleon Complex.

“And how may I help you?” Jon made no attempt to move and offer the other man some space on the couch. Oswald still sat down.

“Well, Edward and Harvey are bickering like children and I am in desperate need of an intellectually stimulating conversation. I thought you could deliver. “ Crane had no will or wish to be someone’s talk buddy right now. Whilst it was flattering to some extent, the fact that Oswald thought Crane would just talk to him if he asked the man just proved that Oswald was at least a tiny bit self-centered. Jon wouldn’t call it straight up narcissism, but it isn’t far from it in his book.

“Do I have a choice?” Jon asks cautiously. He wants to avoid talking, but he also wants to avoid making enemies. Especially if they are Edward’s friends. Jon blinked a few times. He had to stop thinking about Edward. He had to get the crude ideas out of his head.

“Of course you do, my friend. And if you have any idea on how to calm them, it would considerately help.” Jonathan turned his gaze towards the two men. Edward looked completely bitter as he glared daggers at Harvey, who was ready to tear Edward’s tongue out.

“Have you tried changing the topic?” Jon asked, still looking at the bickering pair. They looked ridiculous, and Jonathan just had to wonder what had gotten Edward so wound up. The ginger was usually calm and collected, and now Jon could almost hear his yelling as he argued with Harvey. Oswald just sighed.

“Whichever topic I present they turn into an argy-bargy.” Jon had to snicker at the British expression. He heard Jervis use the phrase a few times, which is why he knew it. He wasn’t surprised at Edward’s ability to start a fight over anything, given the fact that if Edward had an opinion, he would voice it, no matter how crude or blunt it may be.

Jon recalls that a week prior Edward almost got his ass whooped by a rather large inmate who Jon didn’t bother to remember the name of. And all because he couldn’t keep that big mouth of his shut for more than 5 seconds.

“Would you really have it any other way?” Jon asked, cautiously. Oswald laughed his signature laugh, which never failed to sound ridiculous to Jon. Oswald shook his head and sighed.

“I suppose not. It would get dreadfully boring.” He turned his gaze from Jonathan to the two men who appeared like they were going to start punching one another any minute now. He chuckled slightly, before turning back to Crane. “Would you?”

The question caught the southerner completely off guard. He turned his head to look at Oswald, and his surprise must have shown on his face, because Oswald couldn’t help but snort lightly at Crane’s expression. He quickly composed himself, blinking a few times. He sighed.

“Whilst Edward can be extremely annoying, it’s somewhat endearing. So no, I guess not.” Crane turned his head back at the men in question, only to find that Edward was on the floor. Harvey was still sitting on the couch and has pushed Edward off. Edward was fuming, as could be expected. Jon could vaguely hear the ginger shout what might have been an insulting riddle at the Duke of Duality.

“Although I fear that if we don’t intervene now, they might kill each other.” With that, Jon stood up and started walking towards the two men, Oswald nodding and following right behind him. As they approached, Edward noticed Jon and immediately stood up from the floor.

“Good day, gentlemen.” Said Jon in a calm tone. Harvey snapped his head in Crane’s direction, and his rage filled expression immediately changed to a calmer one. It was clear that Harvey was back in control now, as opposed to Two-Face. Edward stood there in front of Jon and Oswald, his lime eyes carefully eyeing Jonathan.

There was such caution in his movements as he sat down on the couch, his eyes still glued on Jonathan. No one spoke for a good minute. Oswald grew sick of the rather awkward silence.

“So have you two reached a conclusion in your argument? Was it educational?” Asked the short man, and Edward shook his head no. He looked dreadfully disappointed. Harvey turned his head away and refused to look at any of the 3 men which were next to him. Oswald just sighed in dissatisfaction. These two men were smart, cunning men. So how could they turn so childish at the drop of a hat?

“Didn’t you have time to be childish when you were children?” Asked Jon, not realizing how much that question stung. He should have, given his own miserable childhood. Harvey let out an almost primal growl, defensive and rough. Edward, on the other hand, seemingly shut down.

Edward stood up and left without a word. Jonathan couldn’t have known. But oh he must have! He must have known that would have hurt. Every person in here knew that Edward hated where he was from. Everyone! Hell, Jonathan was a teacher of psychology for a long time, he should have noticed signs of child abuse! God, the man probably couldn’t see the obvious if someone put it on a stick and waved it in front of his face. To think that Edward was even beginning to think a relationship with this man would be possible.

Wait.

Oh Edward would have slapped himself right there and then had he not been next to a guard. He would have slapped himself hard, so hard that he’d knock that idea right out of his head. But he couldn’t. He had the night to think this over. To think of his next move.

Meanwhile back in the rec room, Jonathan was coming to regret his choice of words.

“So, that worked out nicely.” Harvey said, tone slightly cocky.

“Shut the fuck up, Dent.” Said Jon, before heading towards the guards so that he could be taken back to his cell. Rec time was conveniently over. He could go back to his cell. He could find solutions to his problems in peace.

He remembered feeling he wouldn’t be getting any peace and quiet soon.

He hated when he was right.

#year one scarecrow #scarecrow #scriddler #riddler #zero year riddler #riddlecrow #edward nygma #jonathan crane #harley quinn #harleen quinzel #oswald copplepot #penguin #harvey dent #twoface #internalized homophobia #poison ivy #pamela isley #tw: mental health

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your-high-lady · 5 years

Text

Realisation

Summary: This story is about Feyre. She has a couple of small dreams she wants to achieve but turns out it isn’t as easy as she imagined it would. Trust me, the story is better than the summary. Modern AU. Feysand.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7

Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own of the characters as they all belong to Sarah J Mass, the person who created them. The only thing I own is the plot.

Chapter 13: Tensions are high

Our last day at Disneyland was the best in my opinion. We were all together and did the Tea Cup ride on Cassian's insistence and I watched and laughed as Rhys and Cassian flew past us, spinning as fast as they could on the cups and just overall screaming and annoying everyone. What made it even more humorous was when they tried annoying Azriel with their antics but he just stared at them with the most straight face I'd ever seen. It annoyed the heck out of them.

The next day Amren, Mor and I were out early morning. We had breakfast at iHop and then went to a nearby mall. We spent the day shopping, eating and just pampering ourselves. I ended up getting a small hair trim that was barely noticeable, and all of us got a full body wax—though I bailed out on the bikini part—, our eyebrows threaded and fake nails. After that, we went to the movies and watched a Rom-Com that was honestly one of the dumbest movies ever. I had a blast, despite my feet that had started groaning in pain two or three hours into our shopping spree. They both clearly had a lot of money and weren't afraid to spend it. One of our last stores was H&M and we ended up getting a dress each for tonight. Mor's was a fun thing, a black sparkly dress coming down to her mid-thigh. But what made it fun was the strings that hung down in layers across the whole dress which swung around every time she shook her hips. It was a bit showy for my taste but it suited her body so well that I couldn't help but think that she would most probably get laid today if she wanted. She really was very pretty and confident in her body. I was happy that she had that for herself.

Amren's dress was dark blue that resembled the blue theme the boys seemed to have going on with their tattoos and features. It was also a bit more plain than Mor's. It suited her and her personality. The straps were spaghetti and the neck was a straight line across her chest. A slit ran up her leg coming to a stop a little above her mid-thigh. It hugged her curves and made her seem a little taller. Also a little showy but perfect for Amren who also happened to have a spectacular body.

My dress was the most conservative: A purple velvet textured dress that came down to my feet though there was a slit running up my leg. The straps were halter-like and wrapped around my shoulders in a way that my dress wouldn't allow any accidents but showed off my bareback. And as a small addition, the dress had an oval-shaped cut out showing a little cut-out off my chest of too.

I was nervous. The dress made me nervous. It was one of the most glam things I'd worn since that day so long ago now, and I couldn't help but remember Officer Smith's words. He had told me that my dress was one of the many reasons, I couldn't file a case against Tamlin or Dagdan. It made me scared. Mor noticed that while we were trying our outfits on in the changing room and she very subtly sent Amren out of earshot for some time, during which she told me that she would give me a choice. She would let me choose whether or not I wanted to do this. If I chose not to go, she would fully support my decision and stay in the hotel room with me. And if I chose to go? Then she would be by my side the whole time and would keep me safe. She would be there for me, whenever I needed her. It helped. I decided to go. Partly because I also wanted to prove to myself that I could do this, that I was healing. I needed to keep my promise to myself of not letting Tamlin take over my life.

I would go.

—

We came home soon after that and Mor helped me do my makeup and hair as she did her own. Amren was in her own room getting ready. I was really happy with the results when I looked at myself in the mirror and thanked her for all her effort.

Now we walked down to the reception where we would meet the Amren, Varian and the boys. Boys. Rhys.

I couldn't but think about how he would react. Would he think I'm ugly, or pretty, or showing off too much skin and be disgusted?

Would he still stare at me, like he always does?

I forced the thoughts out of my head with a blink and directed my attention to Mor, who was squealing with excitement.

Walking backwards, ahead of me, she jumped up and down and then came back to me, linking her arm through mine, and squealed even more before saying, "Feyre! Aren't you excited!?" She practically screamed in my ears. I tried to resist the smile growing on my face but failed. It was impossible to not smile when Mor was screaming and jumping up and down in her delight. It was impossible not to join in.

We reached the lobby, and found that the Varian and Amren were already there but not the boys. We sat down to wait and Mor immediately started up a conversation with Amren about how excited she was to get drunk. We didn't have to wait for very long, as the boys strolled in only a minute later. And then there he was. Rhys was wearing a light-weight grey sweater over a collared, striped peachy shirt with black jeans that were a bit worn out. He looked spectacular. My mouth watered at the sight of him and I had to swallow as well as subtly rub my thighs together to relieve a little of the pressure that had instantly grown in between. Rhys's eyes moved to look at me and I jerked my eyes to move away from him and on to Cassian and Azriel. They had also gone for a casual look: Cassian wear a bomber jacket over a white t-shirt and blue tight jeans with rips running up and down both his legs, and Azriel was wearing a white sweater over blue jeans that he had rolled up to show a bit of his ankles. He was wearing white converse to match the shirt.

God really had put a lot of effort into all of the Inner Circle. And then here I was, with my plain brown hair that had some gold in it and blue eyes that were dulled by the grey in them. Ah well, there was so many of them, maybe I wouldn't be noticed. God, wouldn't that be a relief.

I noticed then, the eyes I could feel raising the hair on the back of my neck. I turned to see that Rhys was indeed still staring at not me but somewhere below. I wanted to look away because this wasn't anything different than what he usually did in my presence, but then I noticed the gleam in his eyes. It looked as if the silver in his eyes was sparkling with delight and a special desire for something. What could he possibly desire looking at me? I frowned a little which brought Rhys's attention to me. He blinked and I watched as the sparkle vanished from his eyes and his lips curled back into a cheeky smirk. My frown turned into a narrowing of the eyes but then I just sighed, tired of his games, before looking away, and felt the connection that had been forming break.

Soon we were in the car, and off to the club.

—

It was too much like the place Tamlin had taken me. Everywhere I looked it reminded me of something about that night. The neon lights were so much like the ones that had been at the Ale House. The dark corners were just as dark as the alleyway where it had all gone down.

Feeling my eyes starting to water up, I blinked the tears away and moved close enough to Mor that I could feel the tiny hairs on her arm. I needed her warmth, her protective aura to get rid of the icky feeling that had started to cover me, the feeling of Dagdan's sticky leer on my skin. Sensing me, she turned to look at me and smiled. I gave her a shaky smile back and she linked her arm through mine. I sighed in relief, glad that I had Mor and that she knew exactly what was going through my head and what I needed.

Bringing my attention back to my surroundings, I realised that we had reached a private corner. Rhys asked us what drinks we wanted and everyone told him their drinks, with me just wanting water, and went to get them.

After that, the night is more a blur than anything. It takes a while for Mor and Cassian to convince me to get on the dance floor and even then I wasn't really into it. I was back at the couch in fifteen minutes, Mor doesn't push me; she knew that I just needed some time to get fully rid of the memories the bar had stirred up. Rhys had given me a questioning look but I just ignored him.

By midnight all of them had had at least seven or eights drinks.

Mor had started with a single shot but then as the night progressed they just kept coming and she just kept drinking. Honestly, I was surprised she even lasted on her feet past midnight. I had expected her to fall on her face hours ago. But there she was dancing on the floor in her sexy dress causing the men around her to have their mouths gaping open, their tongues practically hanging out. Cassian was also much the same as Mor, as she and he were apparently drinking buddies tonight. Together they just kept on chugging and chugging and chugging into the night. Amren, however, was a totally different story. Two shots in, Mor dared Amren. Amren, being one not to back down from a dare, took the shot. And then another one. And another. Five shots in and she was swaying on her feet and then puking her guts out. Seconds later, she passed out and Varian took her home, as he was still mostly sober, using a cab. Cassian and Mor continued their drinking, and I watched as Azriel did the complete opposite and instead kept giving the others their drinks. It seemed that Azriel was the one who never got drunk and instead got the others drunk.

And then lastly Rhys. I tried to keep my attention away from him most of the time and I was able to except for those times when he was inches away from other women's bodies. By midnight he was pretty drunk too and wasn't hold back in his dancing. He was touching other women and letting them reciprocate. It disgusted me for some reason I couldn't for the life of me figure out why but every time I happened to turn to look at him, he was there with another person. Though something I found strange was that he didn't let anyone kiss him or get too touchy with him, and he didn't do the same to others either. He was beautiful and he knew that as well as the people around him. They threw themselves at him and he let them come but when they got touchy, he moved on. It was simple as that for him and he was aware of where he was the whole night despite being so drunk.

And through all that, I stayed sober and in the dark alone. People came to me, but I didn't let them stay. I wasn't in the mood. I was too busy trying to keep my thoughts and emotions at bay. I'd known this would happen, the torrent of memories, both sweet and cruel. They threatened to crush me and break me, but I held strong, even as I was pushed back the smallest millimetre each time something about the place we were in triggered a memory. My resilience threatened to snap every second I spent in that place, but I held strong through it all. I had to. Otherwise, the night wouldn't have progressed.

—

It was around 1:30 in the morning by the time we left. Azriel helped me get Mor and Cassian into the car, while Rhys was able to stumble his way forward on his own.

Azriel drove the car to our hotel and then we were going to drag them up to their rooms when suddenly Rhys started giving orders to us, even in his drunken state. "Az, why don't you take Cass up to our room. I'll help Feyre take Mor." His words were slurred and Azriel's frown told me that he seriously doubted Rhys would be able to help me. But he was already moving. I scrambled to get an arm of Mor's over my neck while Rhys did the same with her other arm. I shrugged at Azriel, who's mouth was gaping open in a rare display of shock and directed Rhys as he helped me. It was a little awkward because of the difference in our heights but eventually, we reached our suite. Rhys took all of Mor's weight while I quickly opened the door and got back in position, helping him drag Mor's ass to her bed. She fell with a thud but didn't even moan. She was fast asleep. I was in the middle of taking Mor's shoes off and covering her with the blanket when I heard a loud thud behind me. I spun around to find Rhys splayed across the floor. My eyes widened and I crouched down, bringing my hand to his cheek. "Rhys. Rhys?" I tried to get him to wake up, but he was already snoring away. I exhaled loudly before deciding to just let him sleep on my bed. I couldn't take him all the way to his room; he was too heavy. I was grunting and struggling to get Rhys into my bed when I heard him. I felt a little of the weight leave my shoulders as Rhys come back to relative consciousness before I felt his husky breath in my ear. "Feyre," He drawled. His voice was more gravely than usual. Heat shot through my body at my name on his lips and came to rest in between my legs. "You're so beautiful." He said as I kept pushing him towards my bed. "So beautiful you make me want to cry. You're pure and smart and breath-taking. I might like you Feyre, even love you." I gulped, not willing to believe him. I kept telling myself, He's drunk, he's drunk, he's drunk. He doesn't know what he's saying. As I let him fall into my bed, his arm falling away from around my shoulder causing my back to immediately go ice-cold, he carried on, oblivious to my thoughts. "You're nothing like her, you know. She was beautiful too, but in a different way. Her beauty was a malicious kind, the type that slowly kills you. And I made the mistake of loving her. And then she destroyed me." I was struggling now to keep myself moving but I did it. Slowly I took his shoes and socks off, covered him with the blanket. "She ripped me apart. She killed them. They both did." I was stunned into silence at his words and I couldn't do anything as tears dripped out of the sides of his eyes. And then all of sudden, he was snoring again, fast asleep. It was like nothing had ever happened. It was like he hadn't just told me the very reason he was so broken. Because I knew whatever the women and the other person had done to whoever Rhys had been referring to as "them"—I assumed they were some type of family member of Rhys's—it had been bad. Bad enough that Rhys was who he was today. Hurt and broken. Just like me.

I moved away from the bed, only to be tugged back by his hand which was tightly gripping mine even though he was sleeping. I gently unwrapped his fingers from around mine before slipping out of my clothes, putting on a loose shirt and sweatpants and hopped into bed with Mor.

It felt like only seconds later when I was woken up. It was still dark out and I felt a little disoriented before I realised what had woken me up. "No, no, please no." Rhys. "Leave them alone please." He was murmuring in his sleep. As I rushed over towards him he got louder. "No. No! Let them go!" Sitting on the edge of the bed, I put a hand over his cheek, feeling the sweat on his skin and wetness from his tears, and tried to wake him. "Rhys. Rhys, wake up." I said waking him up but when he didn't, I got a bit louder. "Rhys! Rhys, you're dreaming, wake up!" And then finally his eyes blinked open, his hot breath hitting my face as he gasped. He stared at me for a couple of seconds before coming up and wrapping me tightly in his arms. I grunted from the force, before hesitantly bringing my arms up to wrap around his hard, muscled body which I could feel through his clothes. He was still breathing a bit unevenly in my ear, so I calmed him down with words, "It's okay. It was just a dream. Just a dream." And slowly I felt his breath even out before his arms dropped from around me. I watched as he slowly leaned away from me, his head hung low, his shoulders slumping. I didn't know what to do or say so I just stared at him, waiting, but thankfully he filled the silence seconds later. "I'm sorry," He said looking back up at me. "I'm sorry for waking you up. I didn't mean to." He frowned, clearly disappointed with himself.

"It's alright. No one can control their dreams. It's not your fault." I hesitated before saying. "Do you want to talk about it?" He shook his head, glancing back down where he was wringing his hands together in his lap, and I nodded in understanding before getting back on my feet. "I should probably go back," I said pointing back at Mor's bed. He looked up at me and opened his mouth as if he was going to say something but ended up not replying. I was about halfway across the room before I heard him call my name softly but loudly enough that I heard it. I turned to find him looking at me, a strange expression on his face. He stared at me for a second before pushing the comforter away and padding across the room until he was inches away from me and with his height he had to look down at me. I gulped, watched as he slowly, hesitantly brought a hand up to cover my cheek. I sucked in a breath as I felt his body-heat course through my veins. His eyes drifted down to my lips before coming back up to look into my eyes. There was a question in them, and I knew what it was but I couldn't believe that this was what he wanted. But then he spoke the words and I was forced to believe him. "Feyre. Can I kiss you? I've wanted to kiss you since the day I first saw you." I stared at him for a second but then I nodded, and he brought his lips to mine. I couldn't help but gasp as I felt his lips join with mine, pleasure shooting from the ends of my hair to the tip of my toes before coming back up and resting right there, in my core. My hands came up to weave themselves in his hair which was tousled from sleep and soft to the touch. The kiss was slow, Rhys letting me take control. It was soft and sensual and blissful.

I broke apart from our kiss, breathless and stared at him. I could see more questions in his eyes: Did you like it? Can I do it again? I didn't answer him and instead thought about how my lips felt. How completely comfortable and happy and safe I felt with him. Kissing Tamlin had never been like that. Never, not once. Not once did he ask me first before kissing. Not once did he make me want to melt from the raw emotion I felt in our kisses. There never was any emotion. He was kissing me for the sake of it and himself, and I was kissing him back because I felt obliged to. That's what partners do, right? Kiss each other. So I kissed Tamlin but it was never as exhilarating as the kiss I'd just shared with Rhys.

Rhys.

He had kissed me. He had actually kissed me. I looked up into his eyes. And saw that he wanted to kiss me again. Very badly. Immediately I pulled on his shirt, jerking him forward, and joined my lips to his again. His hand came up to caress my cheek and my knees buckled beneath but before I could fall, Rhys's hands came and caught me. With a jerk of his arms, he hitched me up and I wrapped my legs around his hips, my dress riding up my thighs.

"Feyre. Feyre." I heard him groan, breathlessly, around my lips. I kissed him even harder. I felt his tongue poke around my mouth looking for my tongue. I moaned as they touched, and I lost myself in the wonderful kiss we were sharing.

And then I felt his thumb come around my throat. My body involuntarily locked up, my bones going rigid with fear. Tamlin. Tamlin used to do that. Rhys broke the kiss, his face mere inches away from mine, and frowned. Before he could speak I pushed on his shoulders and he dropped me to my feet. On my feet, I took multiple steps away from Rhys, until the back of my legs connected with the bed Mor was lying on and I fell on my backside. My breathing was deep and irregular and I could see Rhys in front of me, worry and confusion in his beautiful night-sky eyes. He took a step toward me and I choked out, "Please leave. Please." He paused looking at me for a second before dropping his eyes and nodding. He looked up at me once again, and in his eyes, I saw so much emotion. I knew he liked me. Maybe even more. Our kiss had told me that much. But I couldn't reciprocate right now. Not with Tamlin at the front of my thoughts. I watched as Rhys turned on his heel, and walked out of the room. I stared at the door for a couple of seconds. I regretted telling him to leave now but I knew it had to be done. Sighing, I got on my feet and walked into the bathroom.

And once again, I found myself looking at myself in the mirror after such an unusual night. Rhys's kiss and the memory of Tamlin choking me warred for attention in my mind.

Tamlin won.

It had happened a few times and every time I'd just brushed it off, thinking he must've gotten lost in our kisses and didn't realise where his fingers were going.

Tamlin moaned as we kissed and pushed me further into the wall behind me. I had been walking to the cafeteria but on the way, I'd been pulled into janitor's closet. I'd let out a mini shriek before I saw who exactly had pulled me into the closet and by then he was kissing me. I'd tried to push him off at first but then his lips had moved down to my throat finding one my sensitive spots and I'd lost my train of thought. Which brought us to now. I felt Tamlin's teeth bite down on my skin softly before moving on to my jawline. I pushed my head back, giving him further access. I felt one of his hands come up from where it had been resting on my behind, and first, squeeze my breast and travel further up before reaching my throat. His fingers squeezed enough that it was a bit uncomfortable but since he wasn't choking me, I didn't say anything. His lips moved around my face, going up to bite an earlobe before moving to suck on my other one. Both us kept swapping with the dominance, wanting to please the other person.

He was on my lips, sucking them hard enough to bruise when it happened. I felt his thumb come over my windpipe, applying at little pressure at first but then increasing. I waited a couple of seconds waiting for him to realise what exactly his fingers were doing to me, but when he didn't, I pulled away from the kiss, bring my hand up to take his fingers off my throat. "You nearly choked me there," I nervously half-chuckled. His frown smoothed as his brows rose before he softly said, "Sorry," and then went back to kissing me, making sure to keep his fingers away from my throat.

That was the first time he did something like that, but not the last. Now I wondered how I could have been so stupid to just tolerate everything he did to me while we were together and only opened my eyes when he let Dagdan rape me. When it was too late.

I brought a hand up to softly touch my swollen lips. They looked bright pink and plump. My whole face was red. Flushed. Rhys'd done that to me. He made me nervous in a good way if that was even possible. I backed up a couple of steps. When I felt the door behind me, I let myself slide down, bringing my knees up to my chest as I wrapped my arms around them tightly and tilted my head so that it was resting on my knees. As I stared at nothing, I sorted through the thoughts zooming around in my head.

I liked Rhys. I knew that. Despite the way he'd acted towards me, I wanted him. I wanted him to want me. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to go on dates and go to the movies and study together and draw him. I wanted to do everything with him.

I wanted him to love me.

Rhys was so, so beautiful. He took my breath away with his raw beauty. I knew that, and I knew that he knew that too. But so had Tamlin. They were both beautiful in their own ways, but still, both were two very, very different people.

Rhys, though arrogant and sassy, was loving and kind and caring.

Tamlin was just plain looks and greed and obnoxiousness.

I'd been blind to all those qualities before that night, but after what had happened to me, I refused to continue being blind. I wouldn't let myself be trampled under anyone. I was still healing, still, in the process of gaining the self-confidence, I knew I would need if I ever found myself facing someone like him again, or worse, Tamlin himself. But I was getting there, slowly but surely.

And I knew Rhys was making the same journey. Though he hadn't told me, it was clear on his face when he looked at me. The way he looked at me tonight—he looked so vulnerable and raw as if he had, just for a moment, not filtered his emotions before letting them show on his face. He did that for me. And today hadn't been the first time. He'd been laid out in front of me right from the beginning when we first shook hands. Unknowingly maybe, but we had both laid ourselves bare in front of the other in that first meeting and all the ones afterwards.

With haste, I pushed myself up onto my feet and speed-walked back to my bed and picked up my phone. I scrolled through my texts looking for Rhys's name and once found him, I texted him: Can we talk? Tomorrow? Please? I stared at the phone for a couple of seconds before dropping the phone back onto the bed and went back into the bathroom and got ready for bed. I didn't check my phone before closing my eyes.

AN: Phew! That was a long chapter. I really need to work on my consistency. But anyways. Did you like it? They kissed! Was it right? Did you swoon? Did I do it right? Tell me everything! I love hearing from you guys. XOXO

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