#I stick that boi in bubble wrap in my fics

[beiasluv]

ok so i sent a request but im not sure if you got it bc it glitched for me

anywy its like the fic you did wherin reader and neteyam are twins and stuff and reader likes aonung and aonung likes her and stuff, and the main thing of the fic is that jake and neteyam (mostly jake) are protective of her like the "no boys until i die!" shi yk

anyway love your work xx

protective sullys

a/n: PLEASE, GUYS WE NEED JAKE’S DAD GIRL ERA PERIODT / i feel something’s not right in this fic, but i hope you guys still enjoy it 🤍

masterlist

the day your family arrived at the metkayina clan was one of the most beautiful and hideous days in the history

you guys were met with judging eyes and snickers from the people, while some gave reassuring smiles. you don’t know who to trust or where to go, but you hoped for the best and put on a fake smile to calm your siblings down.

but, neteyam being neteyam, he knows you too well. he sensed a feeling of uneasiness in your gut and he can feel it too. i mean, what do they say about twins?

while tuk held on to neytiri and jake, neteyam wrapped his arm around your shoulder, rubbing gently along your marks, and whispering comforting words.

“it’s goin’ to be alright, y/n…, i know we can do it, sully sticks together, huh?” he was met with your snicker to his joke.

but…one particular eye caught your attention. the bluest and tender teal eyes amongst the crowd stared into your soul. you felt your legs trembling under his gaze, yet you stood tall. neteyam noticing him as well made an unwelcoming face toward the intruder’s view

“well, our daughter, tsireya, and son, ao’nung, will show you the way of our lives. treat them with respect and be kind to them, for they are like babies taking their first step,”

‘so…‘ao’nung’…huh?’

settling down in your marui wasn’t as easy as it was back home. the floors are bouncy, which tuk liked A LOT, and there is little to no privacy at all. you miss the pandora plants and leaves that provided shade and coverage.

anyways, life was starting to look better.

until someone had to ruin it again…that familiar eyes you know so well, yet to little. he was staring at you again.

the very first practice session your siblings and you received much unnecessary embarrassment from the metkayina’s teens

well, it would be fair to say that you received them the least. ao’nung is always coughing or changing the subject

“well, you know, freak, if you don’t have those five little fingers then-“

“ahem, where were we? oh, right, let’s go to the reefs over there, numnuts,” ao’nung pointed towards the sea with his real fingers. “last person’s a raw egg.”

without another word, he swam off into the sea. and unknowingly to you, a grownup teenager, you still fell for the stupid game every time. seeing your siblings beating you to dive into the ocean, you followed in quickly.

but it seemed like your attempts had been in vain. bubbles leaving your mouth, covering your views of the world around you. like heaven sent, his -yes you knew this color- teal marked hand clutched your body from drowning into the ocean floor, dragging you up to the surface.

“are you alright? i am sorry, so sorry,” he clutched your face in his arm. “are you hurt?” he grabbed hurriedly along your body checking for injuries.

“i- i am fine, no worries, thank you,” you smiled sheepishly.

“now, hold my shoulders, okay?” he guided you behind his back. “breath in…we’re going down,” you breathed your last air and your body was submerged underneath again.

while at the coral reef, he took an extra effort to stay close to you. neteyam caught on what was going on and he wasn’t happy about you being close to that teal freak. lo’ak definitely gave a side eye on ao’nung.

that simple act of kindness melted your heart by a little, even if you didn’t want to accept it.

to say that when jake heard the news of your possible death, he wasn’t the most friendly towards ao’nung. tonowari wasn’t the most glad either. (dads being homies vibe)

plus, the fight they had on the beach didn’t help the situation get any better.

“please! guys! stop!” you shouted as you ran up from the ocean, finding yourself with the sight of a tumbling ball of blue na’vis

your sight caught the eyes of one particular metkayina and a gulp in his throat. looking at your fresh of the water and hair sticking to your body he managed to croaked out, “hey…y- y/n.”

“neteyam! lo’ak! c’mon!” you insisted. without a second thought, you dragged them by their ears and kicked off a metkayina attacking their tails. “please, show us some respect and we’ll reciprocate them, sorry for them.”

you flicked your head back and turned away from them, making your way towards your marui. that sight caught one metkayina to get lost in his mind and a drool slipped down his lips. ‘man, he messed up real bad.’

but in the mist of the mess, the heart of the storm, was just a lover boy trying his best to retrieve his chance

jake and neteyam turned on their ultimate protective mode 110%

“never bother my sister, ever AGAIN. you hear that?” neteyam hissed against ao’nung’s face, adding extra effort to spat a saliva against his teal face.

jake would be so protective of you 😭

he would always remind you every morning like: “no boys until i die, understand?”

hugs you all the timeeee. when walking around the village, wrapping a hand around your shoulder is a must for him.

protecting you from the eyes of the boys is his first priority. (cuz, obviously, he knows what those boys thinks, because he was once like in their place 💀)

jake would always tell you to cover up 😭 (as if na’vi clothes provide any coverage-) but anyways, he’ll say like “wear a shawl over your shoulder, it’s hot outside.”

always asking where are you going and when are you gonna come back.

lying to jake about those stuff are useless, so you did what a good child would do: telling him that you are going to hang out with ao’nung

i am telling you that jake lost his MIND, “WHAT, Y/N, HONEY, NO, WITH HIM? WHY?”

but anyways, our consent king respected his baby’s decision and let you go, BUT was panicking so much.

“okay, honey, what did i tell you?”

“yes, dad, no kissing, no hugging, no mating, come back before sunset, and use the talkie-walkie if he does something weird,” you rolled your eyes. for sure you are not going to mate with some dude on a first date.

“you missed one…”

“no touching, right, dad, what do you expect us to do if we are not allowed to have physical contact, meditate?”

“right, then, meditation sounds nice, doesn’t it?”

“dad!”

neteyam would kill for you without a hesitation. scaring some creepy dudes? easy

he gives out the best bear hug for youuuu

loves to comfort his siblings, especially you

jake is not much of a difference. he is super protective of his kids and you especially. his prized possession and the apple of his eyes.

being his oldest daughter, requires lots of sacrifice but jake’s affection for you is all worth it.

anyways, GOOD LUCK ao’nung, you need that. passing through the death valley with two demons behind your trail is not easy 💀

every time he comes to pick you up, he is sweating like a DAWG

“hello, mr.sully, is erm…y/n here?”

“well, where do you expect her to be? did you made a proper plan? son…, my daughter is not an object you could just pick up whenever you are bored.”

“yes, sir, we agreed to go-“

“ao’nung!” you called as you walked out. “bye, dad, love ya,” a peck on the cheek for jake and you’re off the marui.

“bye, sweetheart,” a smile for you and a death glare for ao’nung, pretty basic.

neytiri to the rescue, guyssss. she definitely have a soft spot for boys, and boys like *ahem* jake ao’nung.

she sees his effort for you and tries to persuade jake into giving in. and jake will be like: “pLEASE, no.”

but changing someone as egotistical as ao’nung to become more humble isn’t the easiest job. every moment, hanging out together, it was as if you rubbed his ego down step by step.

ronal and tonowari were GLAD. “please, y/n, tell us how you do it” 💀

ao’nung became the sweetest boy for you 🥺 *neteyam staring behind*😈

today’s a great day to treat yourself! 🤍

@rosaryos / @bumblinbumblvee / @nyotamalfoy / @fangirl-2610 / @astablacksword / @lokisblueskin

#fanfiction #avatar imagine #avatar the way of water #avatar x reader #imagines #neteyam imagine #neteyam x reader #jake sully imagine #jake sully x reader #ao’nung

[stories-and-chaos]

Shrike: Slices of Life 2

[Hazbin Hotel reader insert as Alastor’s “darling life and death partner” Ace x ace relationship, both parties are moderately sex favorable. More silly snippets that don’t fit into any particular fic]

[Word count: 445]

—————

“Oh god, Niffty, where did you get that?”

“Oh, yes! Harder Daddy! Mmmm!”

“I found it cleaning Lucifer’s room. Oooh, a new bad boy showed up!”

“Oh no, you brought friends? Good thing I’ve got enough hands to go around.”

“In Dad’s room?!”

“Hey doll face, whatcha watching? Oh, my greatest dicks collection!”

“Oh my gosh Angel, I’m so sorry, Niffty said my dad had it. I’m going to talk to him right away.”

“Aw, fuck, Niffty! That was supposed to be a surprise for Luci! I gift wrapped it and everything.”

“It was a spider web themed ribbon. I thought it needed cleaning. Wow, that’s a big one.”

“Mmmmph, oh yes! Stick that huge piece of-bzzzt!”

“Nope, we’re done with that. Angel, no handing out porn in the hotel.”

“You’re such a spoilsport Vaggie.”

————

“Alastor.”

“Lucifer.”

*five minutes of staring and forced smiles ensues*

“You’re looking decidedly disheveled today. Wake up on the wrong side of the swamp?”

“No. My darling and I are simply having difficulty sleeping with our new neighbor playing with squeaky toys all night.”

“Hey! First off, I’m creating art, asshole. Second, I’m on the other side of the building from you!”

“Did you think these ears were for show? I can hear everything that happens in this building.”

“Then I recommend you invest in some earplugs. Unless that’s too modern for Mr. Radio Demon.”

“Lucifer.”

“Oh fuck! Y/N don’t sneak up on me like that. Y-you okay there?”

“Lucifer, if I have to spend another night of my husband bitching over whatever nonsense you’re up to, I will shove a stiletto into every squeaky thing in your room. I do not care if it’s alive or not.”

“…Fine, I won’t make anything squeaky after midnight.”

“Splendid.”

————

Following this, Lucifer starts putting rubber duckies all over the radio station. He creates multiple that activate effects at different triggers. These include:

Squeaking whenever it hears a scream

Dancing Gangnam Style at 2:56 pm daily

Blowing soap bubbles every time Alastor mentions Vox

Squeaking every 66 minutes

Swimming in teacups

Making sexy poses every third day

Yelling “Th-th-th-th-th-that’s all folks!” at Alastor’s sign off

Snoring during jazz music

Y/N sends back all the ones they find on a cutting board, pinned by stilettos.

———

“Huskiekins, did any of the booze survive the fight?”

“Only the shitty stuff.”

“Well, it’ll still get us drunk?”

“It’s lime flavored light beer.”

“Fuck, I know we’re in Hell but that’s cruel and unusual even for here!”

———

“Lucifer.”

“Alastor.”

*five more minutes of staring and forced smiles ensues*

“Whatever you two are doing, can you not do it right in front of the main doors?”

—————

Taglist: @whitewolfsoldat @edgyboi10000 @ch3sire-blu3 @clearly-awkward @badatpunz @bengewatch @chewbrry

#hazbin hotel #hazbin fanfic #hazbin alastor #hazbin lucifer #alastor #alastor x reader #asexual #asexual alastor #asexual reader #hazbin charlie #hazbin niffty #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin angel dust #hazbin vaggie #mini fic

[luimagines]

Hello! Can i request Twilight x teen! Reader(platonic) who kinda had a bad older brother when they were young and still kinda do so now they view him as an older brother figure. Have a good day byeee!

Sure thing! Coming right up! Love me platonic fics. <3

Masterlist

Content under the cut!

"Are you alright? Are you hurt?" Twilight runs to you in an instant, putting his hands on your shoulders and looking you up and down. He pokes and prods, trying to find any evidence to any injury you may have.

The action was so sudden and foreign that you freeze up, letting him do as he pleased until he was satisfied.

"I...I'm fine." You reply in a quiet voice.

Twilight seems to relax, patting your cheek softly. "Good. You really had me worried when you screamed."

"Yeah... I... overreacted." You admit, regretably.

"Well, I'd rather see you overreact and be fine than try to hide something serious." Twilight ruffles your hair before marching off.

Somehow, you feel comforted and warm. A smile worms it way onto your face as you try to fix your hair.

Wild comes around and sling his arm around your shoulders. "Enjoying the Twilight treatment?"

Your little bubble breaks as you stare back at him. "What?"

Wild nods sagely. "Yeah, he does this often. I guess he likes you now or something. He's going to be more smothering than I think you're ready for."

You think about it and pat Wild's hand. He takes it off and you turn to him with a smile. "I don't know... I think it's nice."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah..." You say softly. "...I kinda wish my brother was like that..."

Twilight turns to see you both and waves you over. "Come on! We have to get a move on!"

"Coming!"

And frankly, that wasn't the first time you thought that way.

You were out shopping and trying to get enough food to feed the boys for the upcoming leg of the trip when a relatively young and good looking villager appears next to you. "Hello there."

You smile back, wanting to be polite and friendly. "Hi."

They seems nice and all, but you wonder by they're talking to you to begin with. They smile wider and lean a little closer to you. "What's your name?"

You give them your name but lean away a little. "Can I help you?"

They seem to get the impression that they've made you a little uncomfortable so they lean away. "Oh, no, I was just wondering what brought someone like you to our neck of the woods is all."

You shift even more uncomfortably.

"Hey!" Twilight comes from behind you, wrapping his arm around you effortlessly and sticks his hand in between you and this stranger. "I see you've made a friend. My name is Link. Nice to meet you."

They smile back tensely and shake his hand. They give their name. "Nice to meet you too."

He smiles easily and salutes. "Likewise. Now excuse us. Dad wants to talk to us about something."

He spins you around and leads you away without giving you, or the other person, any time to ask questions. You take a breath and allow yourself to relax now that you're away form them. Twilight notices. "Sorry I showed up late. I looked over and saw how uncomfortable you looked. They didn't try anything, did they?"

You shake your head, latching onto his arm. "No. You showed up at the perfect time. I thought they might have tried something."

Twilight nods. "Just stay close to me then. It should deter others from doing the same."

You smile softly.

"Thank you... big brother."

#linkeduniverse #linked universe x reader #linked universe #lu x reader #lu twilight

[lou-struck]

A Swingin' Birthday

Katsuki Bakugou x reader

~A Tipsy Bakugou is able to let his full force out onto his birthday pinata

Wc: 1.4k

a/n: Late B-day fic sorry about the wait, I love you all!

The kitchen island is covered with gifted bottles, boxes, and cans of booze. And after trying (and failing) to outdrink Mina, your boyfriend, the Birthday Boy, Katsuki Bakugou, is absolutely smashed. 

He has to be; there is no other way he would have his arm wrapped around Deku for a picture with a goofy smile on his face. Seeing him walk around so carefree brings a smile to your face. More than anyone else, he deserves to shamelessly enjoy some attention on his special day.

You'll make sure of it.

As you look around at all the decorations that have been strung up around your shared home, you can't help but feel ever more thankful for Mina and the guys for helping you out with this whole planning process and keeping it a secret.

Kirishima, more than most, stepped away from the party to pick up a last-minute surprise Kaminari ordered, then forgot about ordering. 

Walking through the small crowd of partygoers, you spot the redhead leaning up against the back wall nursing a drink of his own; he gives you his usual friendly smile as you approach, moving aside just a bit so you can join him. 

"Hey, you're back," you say, flashing him a grin of your own. "Did you get the piñata?"

His brows come together nervously, and he clenches his sharp teeth. "Kind of," he sighs, "but I have to tell you. It doesn't look at all like what we ordered."

"Oh, Is it bad?" 

His hand comes to rub the back of his neck, and he averts his gaze to the floor. "I'll admit Bakubro has looked better. Sero and Denki are putting it up right now." He points over in the yard where the two of them are trying to toss a long strand of Sarah's tape over a low tree branch."

 A heavy hand comes to rest on your shoulder, turning around to see your boyfriend pink-cheeked and staring at you protectively.

 "Oi, why are you talkin to Shitty Hair like that." He slurs. The smell of his spiked lemonade lingers on his breath, and his knees wobble under the weight of his muscular body." It's my birthday, and you're my girl." He grabs both your shoulders to steady himself, sending goosebumps all over your skin.

"I know I am." you laugh at the way he sways back and forth. His gaze is so intensely focused on you in front of him it seems he has completely forgotten the reason he came over in the first place. "You've been having fun tonight, haven't you?

He takes a clumsy step forward and presses his face into the crook of your neck. "Maybe a little," he pouts, "but you can't tell anyone, got it." he sighs deeply, snuggling further into your embrace. "I've got- I've got a reputation to keep."

"Your secret is safe with me." You coo, rubbing out his shoulders. Knowing that tomorrow if the hangover he wakes up with won't kill him, the embarrassment from his shameless clinginess will.

"Can we just stay like this? We can tell all my frien-" he coughs, lowering his voice "all these extras to go home. And we can have our own little party."

"Ohhhh Bakubro, Kirishima calls amusedly, having watched the whole thing and getting the blonde's attention." We got you something. Come out onto the grass and check it out."

"Huh?" He mumbles, reluctantly pulling himself from the heaven that is your arms and pulling you over to the lawn. The piñata is now completely strung up in the tree. Kirishima was right about the piñata looking a bit off.

 You can tell that it is supposed to look like the Pro Hero Dynamite, but there's just something about him that doesn't look right. His mouth looks like it was traced backward. And his eyes are a comically large bubble gum pink color. His signature spiky hair, instead of sticking up in his usual fashion, rests limply against his head.

"Who the hell is this?" He mumbles, guesting to the unsightly pinata. The look of disgust on his face makes the rest of the group snicker aloud. 

"Come on, man," I think they did a pretty good job." Kaminari laughs, reaching over to pat him on the back. "It's you, of course."

"That thing is not me," he slurs. "It's damn ugly; that's what it is."

Cocking your head to the side, you take another look at the off-brand pinata, "I dunno Suki; I think he looks pretty handsome."

"You do?" he says softly, staring at the swaying paper mache. "I'll kill him. Tape Arms, give me that stick; I got a show y/n who's the real man." Sero only laughs and hands over the bat, taking many steps back for his own safety.

 As does everyone else. 

The look in your boyfriend's eyes is nothing but white-hot anger and unadulterated rage as he sizes up his opponent. Those sickeningly off-putting bubblegum orbs meet his gaze, crooked and unlinking. 

He lets out a very low growl as he winds up the orange and green striped stick like a professional baseball player. With a shape exhale, he lets loose, sending his full rage in the direction of the pinata.

Just as he is about to make contact, someone (Denki) grabs ahold of the tape, yanking it upwards, moving his papered pal out of harm's way. Bakugou's swing whistles through the air, hitting nothing but still sending shivers down your spine. If he had hit Katsuki jr just then, would he have taken it down in just one swing?

Missing the target, the sheer force of the swing makes his already unsteady legs wobble, and he stumbles forward a few steps, His hands crashing into the thick wall of the back fence. The rare bout of carefree clumsiness makes his friends erupt with laughter. 

"Put that thing back, or I'll string you up next, Dunce Face." he slurs, standing up straight and readjusting his grip on the bat.

Denki covers his smile with his hand and steps away from the tape, really not wanting to get beat with the stick. "You got it, man, anything for the Birthday boy."

"Damn right, I'm the birthday boy." Katsuki shoots his sparky friend a glare before turning his attention back to the pinata; with no one in the way, Katsuki winds up his swing again, the rage in his body seemingly burning through the alcohol that impaired his movements before.

He grips the stick so hard it's a wonder it hasn't snapped in two.

He hits the pinata hard just on the side of the head. Bits of paper fly off, and the whole thing falls to the ground with a thud. The weight of the candy inside makes it fall harder.

You move to take a step closer to your boyfriend to inspect the damage, but he holds up a hand to stop you. "Not yet, y/n," he says seriously. The pinkness in his cheeks is still present as he takes a step toward his victim. His crimson gaze on the untouched paper grin. "That bastard is still smiling."

You look at the others and see that they are each trying to conceal their laughter. Some are more successful than others. Kirishima's face is red as his hair, and he is practically shaking, keeping it all in.

Katsuki never wanting to miss an opportunity to show you just how badass he is. Steps up to the downed piñata with a narrowed gaze.

"You are not taking her away from me." He says venomously, raising the stick above his head menacingly. Even inebriated, Bakugou is still as menacing as ever.

It's so cute.

He brings the stick down repeatedly on what is left of the piñata. Crushing the paper, splintering the cardboard, and doing unspeakable trauma to the package candies inside. A white sugary powder seeps through the holes that he has made, and you wonder what kind of candy was actually stuffed inside the piñata.

Either way, none of it is getting eaten now.

After what seems like minutes of beating in bludgeoning, the piñata is unrecognizable, and Katsuki looks over at you victoriously. "See, I sure showed that guy who's number one." He sighs, wrapping his arms against you. His breathing is still heavy from his destructive rampage, but he feels he has proved to you that even when he isn't the soberest, he is still always, always going to protect you. 

Because he loves you 

And you make every day feel like it's his birthday.

#bnha x reader #bnha fluff #my hero academia #bnha #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou #bakugou katsuki #katsuki x reader #Katsuki bakugou x reader

[bug-eyed-bum1234]

🫶Klitz with a K & Candy Necklaces// Klitz x !Fem reader🫶

CW: Mature themes!

Neck kissing, single cvm mention, sexy costumes mentioned, boobs, the ass word. Alcohol mentioned, skinny dipping mention. No full on smut.

Summary: You are at a halloween party when a boy catches your eye, you get to talking and start craving candy, especially the candy wrapped around his neck. Your cravings make him crave something more...

This is my first Klitz fic! Enjoy! <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The party was obnoxious. Music blaring, the self proclaimed "Alpha Males" chugging beer, spiked punch, and taking bodyshots off of the number of wasted skinnydippers. You honestly wouldn't have been there if it weren't for Danielle wanting you to meet her new neighbor/boytoy/guy she can make strip in the middle of the street.

Ok that was a lie. It was also a costume party, and this year you decided "fuck it, senior year in highschool. I deserve to be sexy this Halloween". So that's exactly what you decided to be.

You chose the popular character Ghostface as the victim of your Whoreificationᵗᵐ. Complete with black stilettos, fishnets, a mini-skirt, a cute, lowcut crop top, and the mask attached at your hip for easy access. The whole nine yards.

Sitting next to Danielle on the couch, sipping on something sweet, pink, and sparkly, that you had taken from her, knowing she doesnt drink. Although you wanted to have fun this year, you still weren't the drinking type. Your eyes sifted through the crowd, seeing the same few costumes one after the other. Cat...devil.......bunny.......cat......ghostbuster...?

Your eyes landed on a lanky boy with a brown overgrown bowlcut, a pair of ovel silver glasses, and a khaki jumpsuit that seemed one size too small. He was clearly new to highschool parties according to his nervous demeanor. You recognized him as the kid that sits behind you in english, right next to someone named Matt that seemed to be his friend. You had been eyeing him up in class for a while, but this was practically like handing him to you on a silver platter.

"Hey Danielle, i'll be back." You mumbled, not even looking back as your pink stained lips tugged to a smirk. Candy wrappers crunched under your feet as you walked to him. "Hey, Ghostbusters right?" You pepped, eyebrow cocked. "Oh uh, yeah. Thanks" He spat out, looking over the tops of peoples heads. He couldn't look in your eyes if his life depended on it, however, he didn't want to look down at all. Because of your hight difference, looking down gave him a pretty clear view of your cleavage. "Hey..I recognize you. You have Mr.Garrison in third period right? You sit behind me!" You smiled, tapping at the air inquisitively. "Oh yeah. Yeah I sit behind you." He started to loosen up as you chatted about class and how boring it is. You felt a wave of confidence suddenly, so you had go do something about it.

"I've actually really been wanting to get to know you more!" You said, bubbly as can be. You tugged on his jumpsuit, indicating for him to follow you to the couch. While you were gone, the couch had filled up. Perfect. You sat him down then carefully flopped down horizontally on his lap, your elbows resting against the armrest of the couch.

"So, Mr.Ghostbuster. I dont think I got your name." You shifted in his lap, brushing up against him, fauxfully coy.

"Klitz." He said quickly, not wanting to make a peep from the friction you were causing.

"Your name is Klitz?"

"With a K"

"Well, Klitz with a K, I really like your costume. Its much better than all the copy-paste sexy firefighters and police officers that all the other guys are wearing" You roll your eyes, sticking your tongue out with a 'blech' sound. "Im honestly suprised youre here. You don't seem like the party type, but you sure to seem like mine!" You tease, letting the feeling of your ego and his erection against your clothed thighs get to you. He freezes up, letting out a small sound that got whisked away in the sound of yelling. His face got even hotter as you started to trace your finger along the candy necklace adorning his neck.

"You're the one I keep hearing about with the good grades. The teacher keeps raving about you. Thinking about applying for a good college?" You ask, staring daggers into his foresty eyes. "I actually have a scholarship for Yale. So.." He trailed off shakily as you cut in. "Wow! Yale huh! And you already got a scholarship? You must be really smart. Thats very admirable Klitz." You praised him on and on like it was a TEDtalk speech. "Thank you. Really, thank you. You're a pretty good student too. You actually laugh at his dumb jokes which is nice." He adds, finally letting go a little bit, stomach still doing flips. You sipped your drink, purposefully letting some spill down your lips and onto your chin. You wiped your chin with your thumb before licking the sweetness off, lust flooding your eyes as you stared into his.

Once again, your hand came up to tangle in the candy necklace on his neck. Greed overtook you and you asked him one question that changed his whole night.

"Can I have some?"

Without thinking, he said yes. He started taking off the necklace before he felt your hand hit his lightly. "Nuh-uh. Could you keep it on for me?" You toyed. He couldn't help but oblige. He has been crushing on you since the beginning of junior year and now he has you in his lap, asking to eat candy off his neck. Of course hes going to snatch up that opportunity.

You went from laying on his lap horizontally, to straddling him, one hand on the back of the couch stabilizing yourself, the other creeping up the nape of his neck before lightly pulling his hair, giving you full access to the candy. You breathed down the front of his neck, his adam's apple bobbing from anticipation. You slowly licked across a few of the candies. Then bit down on one, nipping his skin a little in the process, causing his mouth to gape. His fingers dug into your lower back unconsciously. As you ate a few more pieces of the necklace, you not only felt his erection creep back, but the slight rutting of his hips up into you. Already close to the edge. You decided that this was a good sign. You still asked "May I kiss your neck Klitz? Properly this time?". He nodded quickly, too breathless to even say a quick "yes".

You sank back into him, kissing him feverishly. Sucking at his supple skin, salty from the warmth of the room. You didnt care though, he tasted so sweet to you. You made harsh marks, then quickly easing them with your tongue. You marked up his neck, to his soft jawline then stopped at his lips.

"May I?" You whispered. He answered you with a deep kiss, his big hands pulling your face to his, then tucking your hair out of the way.

You did the same, lightly resting your hand on his cheek, when you felt a slight wetness touch your palm. He was so overwhelmed with everything. Your teasing. Your praise. Your mouth. Tears sprung to his eyes as he whined into your mouth, tongues intertwined. The grip on your back went even lower, now gripping at your ass, his knuckles turning white. His hips bucked beneath you one last (very sloppy) time. He pulled away from the kiss quickly, gasping for air. He coughed out a whimper, then came to his senses.

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Shit. I am so sorry. Im so so sorry that was wrong of me. I didnt mean for that to happen. This was just new and different, I havent felt that before and. Shit this isnt making anything better." He rambled mindlessly into his hands, hiding his face, wishing he could just dissolve into the couch. He just came in his boxers and his dorky Ghostbusters costume because a girl kissed him. He would have kept on apologizing if he didnt feel a marker writing agaisnt his collarbone.

"What are you doing?"

"Signing my masterpiece, along with my number." You said, eyelashes batting as you made a show of putting the cap back on the pen. You buttoned up his collar all the way, hiding the marks you left, not telling him about the sparkly lipgloss on his cheek. "Go find your buddies. Im sure they are looking for you!" You said, helping him up from the couch and offering him a cup of ice water.

"Thank you. That was...wow." He says, a cheesy grin plastered across his face. You trailed one hand up his arm and draped it over his neck, twirling his cute brown hair. "I'll be expecting a call soon Klitz with a K." You said before kissing him on the cheek and heading off to find Danielle to tell her all about the boy you just made out with.

He sat for a little longer, still dazed, trying to comprehend what just happened. His friends, Matt and Eli found him grinning on the couch, leg crossed over, drink in hand.

"Woah Klitz, what happened to you? Why are you so happy? DIDYOUGETLAID??" Eli said, pervy as always.

"Dude, you cant just ask that. Whatever it is, im sure he will tell us when hes comfortable." Matt replied, trying to take the stress off his friend.

They walked to Klitz's car, Eli called shotgun.

Eli looked over, his eyes widened with his usual curious spark.

"So, are we just to assume you applied lipgloss to your cheek and lips this morning?"

"Oh shut up."

AN: I had so much fun writing this!! It really was a blast. This boy has been plaguing my mind for so long now. Sorry for any grammar mistakes! <33

#klitz smut #klitz imagine #klitz x y/n #klitz x reader #tim klitz #timothy klitz #paul dano #danonation #x reader #fanfic #omfg hes literally so pathetic i love him

[weskersluvrrrrrrrrr]

Transmasc Wesker gives Transmasc Reader Head

Contains !!!: Implied T4T relationship because I didn't want to make them fuck more, Wesker is topping (a surprise coming from me), Reader does not have bottom surgery because I do not know much about that subject, masc petnames, teasing, and a bit of edging (will be doing a fic where male reader gets edged dw)

I do plan on learning more about bottom surgery on both genders so I can apply it to my writing, I just haven't taken the time to yet. All I know is transmascs get a tiny dick so I don't want to write about something I'm not educated on (I'm trans I really should know about this)

if you don't like any of that get out of here (if you don't like that I don't like you) (grrrrrrr) (I'm joking)

Only man I would let see me naked is Wesker tbh

tldr: reader doesn't have a t dick cus idk how they work and there's also teasing

NSFW, male reader

----

"Sh-shit- oh god- Wesker- fuck-!" Your back arches against the leather couch, pushing your hips out farther for him.

"Such fowl language, I'll have to fix your behavior." His tongue softly laps at your clit, two fingers curling inside of you. The way his leather gloves rubbed your walls so deliciously made you feel light headed, fuzzy, but you needed more. Him lazily curling his fingers and softly lapping at you wasn't enough.

"I-i need more Wesker...God, please." Bucking your hips wildly into the air, squirming for anymore contact from him.

He looked so pretty between your legs, eyes glowing and hair a mess, God it did things to you.

"Already begging? Pathetic. you're such a pitiful little boy." He removed his tongue to speak and slipped his fingers out of you, removing all stimulation.

"Wesker-! Pleeaseee- put them back innn-!" You let out low whimpers and gasps as he stick in 2 fingers with little resistance. They curled inside you, his hand moving at a rapid pace, rubbing against you so well.

"Filthy boy, begging for my fingers, such a slut." His mouth moves back to your clit, sending shocks down your spine. Your hand move on his own and wraps his hair around your hand, making a mess of his usually perfect appearance. His glasses have been long gone, one look up at you and you might just cum from that.

"Th-that feels so good- pl-please- fuck...don't stop that Wesker, keep going."

His takes his mouth off of you yet again, look it up at you from between your legs.

"Who are you to command me. Remember your place, pet." Tugging on his hair yet again, you rip a low growl from his throat, his tongue stars rubbing against you so perfectly, bringing you closer and closer to the brink.

Despite arguing with you he does what you ask, keeping and similar pace and curling his fingers in you. Everytime a wet squelch can be heard, it's so disgustingly hot you can only imagine what he'd do to you after this.

"Fuck- 'm cumming- gonna cum- shit.."

Wesker picks up the pace slightly, although he wouldn't admit it, he was desperate to taste your juices. To feel them drip down his chin and lips. He wanted nothing more that to taste you from the source. You we're his, and he needed to taste the proof.

Your legs shook slightly and squeezed Wesker head, thighs snapping around his ears the way he loved. The pleasure in your core bubbled over, shivering as you came on his face. You pulled away looking down at him, fluids on his face, hair looking tussled and wild, along with his eyes glowing a bright red. It sent hear straight back down to your core. You layed back against the couch, cool leather contrasting with your hot and sticky skin. Catching your breath you look back at him, feeling his fingers slip out of you and watch him lick up all your juices.

"You taste delicious my pet, but we're not done here yet.."

--

Wesker call me a prince and eat me out

I'll take a break from writing a bit but send in requests, the only one I'll be doing in the next day or two is @mr-bas00nist REQUEST FROM JANUARY I never posted and want to edit because I'm not happy with how it turned out (I'm sorry for making you wait pookie bear.

#albert wesker #wesker x you #wesker hcs #albert wesker x reader #resident evil

[kitcattales]

Something There - Akaza x Fem! Reader Chapter 3: Deep Within the Cedar Woods

Author's note: I recently updated AO3 and my other cross-posting sites with chapter 5 for the story, so I thought I'd go ahead and post chapter 3 on here in the meantime! c: I hope you guys come to enjoy the rest of the story as it keeps progressing forward! <3 As always, warnings can be found in the first chapter of this series, and if you'd like a more in-depth review of tags/warnings for the fic as a whole, you can check out the story's page on AO3 as well! <3 Thanks for the support and as always, happy reading and God bless! <3

CHAPTER ONE , CHAPTER TWO

Cross-posts: AO3, FFN, Wattpad and Quotev (I am most active on AO3!)

Word count: 13,710

Chapter 3: Deep Within the Cedar Woods

When her eyes closed, she told herself she wouldn’t open them again until she absolutely had to.

The last thing she gazed upon was the image of the irori’s flames brightly and fondly bidding her farewell hazily through the opaque sliding door of Akaza’s cabin. That’s the image she wanted to rest with in her mind while she was held taut to this peculiar demon’s chest, wrapped up in his surprisingly comforting warmth. She assumed it wouldn’t matter whether she paid attention to where they were going or not. He didn’t make her stir nor bothered her to open her eyes, so she took advantage and simply allowed herself to sink into that familiar warmth his body was able to mimic so well.

With her eyes closed, she could tell herself she was somewhere else. She was was wrapped up in the arms of her friends, laughing and smiling to the stories they told on one of their scarce breaks between missions. The scary reality they lived in didn’t exist during times like those. Their world, their lives, their bubbles; all that existed was just good times and cheesy jokes. Smiles were everywhere, bright eyes gazing towards the cloudless sky, fantasizing about what they would all be doing once the world was a place everyone would be safe to live in without fear nor apprehension. What they themselves would be and where they would be in the future didn’t matter. What mattered was that they swore they’d stick together until the end and watch the world they lived in change for the better, hand-in-hand and in each other’s arms.

The light sway she felt as Akaza walked between trees and through the forest reminded her of what it felt like to be rocked back on her heels when one of them would rush to her, arms wide, before jumping at her in a huge hug. The force of the affectionate display would always make her stumble on her feet, nearly fall back on herself as well, but it never failed to get her to beam a smile from ear-to-ear even in the darkest of times – and boy, was a hug like that needed in the aftermath of the scariest of battles. It always helped to remind her that they were still alive. That there was still hope. For that moment in time, the scariest part was over and they could simply admire the oncoming sunrise together as the resilient trio they used to be.

What she wouldn’t give for a hug like that right now.

While Akaza’s warmth came close to their own, the purposefully measured strength in his thoughtful grasp didn’t compare. Sometimes, the way her friends would hug her left her breathless. They would squeeze the air right out of her, but even if it hurt a little sometimes, the loving pressure was something she always craved from them. They’d laugh at her whenever she’d dramatically gasp for breath and whine about their ridiculous strength, but the glint in their eyes would never fail to bring a smile of her own back to her lips.

The light blowing of the breeze brought different scents to her, reminding her of many places the three had been to together on their travels during their work as Demon Slayers. It brought swirling memories to her mind of what the two of them smelled like whenever she nuzzled her head into the crook of their necks, scents she couldn’t properly describe in words, personal to them as people.

The best she could do was describe them as the scents of Botan and Keisuke.

How long will it be before I forget what they smell like? What it felt like to hug and be hugged by them? How long before I forget the sound of their voices? Their laughter? Will the image of them fade away too? Will I forget what their smiles looked like? How bright their eyes would become whenever we were just having fun together? How long will it be before they’re just distant memories and blurry faces tied to stories I’m the only one left to tell?

Her brow furrowed deeply at the thoughts which quickly began to hit her, interrupting her blissful state of pretend. She curled up further in Akaza’s arms, ducking her head closer to his chest to shield her face away from the blowing winds which threatened to take her precious memories away with it.

I don’t want to forget…I can’t let myself forget. Not Botan, not Keisuke…and not Rengoku either…

Yet, how was she supposed to keep going? How was she supposed to muster the strength to survive when it had become unbearable to watch the sunrise alone?

All those happy times, loving embraces and glistening eyes were gone now. She’s the only one left to remember, and that in and of itself is a fate worse than death.

She knew it was the coward’s way out, but…she would’ve given anything to have died hours ago. She was scared when she approached the Upper Three demon – who wouldn’t have been? Not knowing fear when staring into the face of death itself isn’t human. Regardless, the anxiety didn’t matter. She just…wanted things to go black. She had hoped a demon as strong as him – as strong as the man who took Rengoku’s life – would be enough to make her pass like the flickering light of a dying candle. It was her easy way out, her cheat card, but it seems there were different plans prepared for her that she simply wasn’t ready for quite yet.

The threat of tears began to nag at her insistently, but she refused to cave in. She didn’t want to cry in the arms of a demon tonight – especially not this one. She knew it mattered not at this point, but despite her own weaknesses and how much of a traitor she felt she was right now for comingling with the man who killed such a wondrous person, she didn’t want to worsen the situation by letting her most intimate vulnerabilities out to him as well.

Akaza, however, had already noticed something was wrong with her almost as soon as he walked the two of them out of his lonely cabin. He noticed it when she fell into his grip, the feel of her head resting on his bicep calling for his curious attention.

He caught her with her eyes already closed, losing herself into a world of her own. He thought of trying to strike conversation with her on the way to the lake he was taking her to, but in the end, he decided not to disturb her. It didn’t take extensive guesswork to see there was a storm brewing in that human mind of hers, considering everything that had happened up to that point. Perhaps time alone with her thoughts is what she needed for a little while, even if only for a few minutes. So, he opted for silence, and simply observed her on his trek through the massive cedars.

Gradually, the deeper into the forest he walked them, he watched as her expression faltered and grimaced until she eventually nuzzled her face further against his arm to hide. It seemed that whatever she was thinking about, it was causing her a great deal of pain. He felt perplexed by it, that strangely familiar feeling he felt when he was making that medicinal tea for her tugging at his chest once more. It poked and itched at long forgotten parts of his memories in a way he wasn’t quite sure how to describe. He didn’t know whether to be frustrated by the fleeting, hazy feeling or to simply let himself be within it to see where it might lead him.

Although, if he was quite honest with himself, he subconsciously knew he already chose to absently follow the whispering, lost memories.

Something about it felt right despite knowing how absurd all of this technically was.

Guided by the tug at his chest which urged gentleness from his person, he carefully squeezed her in closer. He adjusted his grasp on her enough to bring her head near to his chest for her to better hide herself away. With her eyes closed, he took the chance to make it seem as though the motion was due to a curt step he had to take by a fallen cedar tree. Peering into her face, he could tell she was none the wiser of his intentions.

A small smile took his lips at the sight, and shortly afterwards, a steady breath pushed through his nostrils.

He wished he knew where this side of him was coming from.

These instincts and feelings were his own, but they felt like they belonged to someone else at the same time.

He knew he’d likely never know who he used to be, but the allure of these questionable inclinations continued to hum for him, and he found himself unable to deny their call.

It felt…good, in a way, to take care of someone.

He almost laughed at the thought.

Him? Taking care of someone? A human woman?

It never would’ve crossed his mind, given his solitary lifestyle and peculiar disposition.

Yet, here they are.

Stuck between the cedars together.

~¤ ¤ ¤~

The entire trail he led them upon was walked in silence.

He didn’t want to disturb the woman curled into his chest. From what he could tell, it looked like she settled down comfortably against him after a while, and that illusion of comfort was something he wanted her to maintain. Thus, he simply wandered on paths he knew by heart while keeping his thoughts to himself. He did everything he could to stop from disturbing the bubble she had created around herself.

He was aware she had crafted a fantasy behind her closed lids she preferred in exchange for her current reality. Though he tended to be blunt and brutish in nature, he didn’t want to be the pin which ruptured the world she was creating for herself, so he did everything he could to keep her bubble safe. When walking by the tall cedars, he’d lean her figure away from their reaching branches, keeping her luscious locks and lulled head from their gripping leafy fingers. When hiking over inclines and declines of the low grassy hills, he’d hug her tighter to keep her from feeling the impact of his firm steps too brusquely. Whatever he could do, he would do. His reasonings were far from reach, but the instinct was so natural within him, he decided to follow its current and search for answers at a later point in time.

Though the dense woods were full of many lesser demons of different shapes and sizes, the areas in which the Upper Moon roamed were devoid of all demon presences aside from his own. It was as though the sun had breached through the dense cedar canopies bordering his paths and the tall trees gave way for its brilliant light, ridding the land of the hellish beings of the woods. In turn, the faithful cedar canopies rolled out a darkened carpet of shadows for himself to walk the human woman upon, safe from the light of day. He was a proud man, proud of his prowess and might, and knowing his mere presence caused the others to cower away from him as if he were the sun itself always allowed him to step through the cedars not only with confidence, but with pride for his status upon his darkened carpet.

Eventually, that long carpet gave way to the lake’s clearing, the overarching cedars spreading around the perimeter almost obediently to his very existence.

The lake itself wasn’t enormous in size, but it certainly wasn’t small either. It formed a rare large nook within the dense forest which gave way to the light of the moon outside of the grasp of the suffocating canopies surrounding it. All around its edges, those tall cedars overlooked the body of water, forming what felt like an impenetrable wall to guard the luminous lake and its inhabitants within. If a passerby were innocently unaware of the reality hidden beneath the deceitful canopies, they would fall into a false sense of security in a sublime place like this. They would feel protected from the perils of the outside world, all the while completely unaware of what truly lay waiting between bark and leaves. With Akaza there, however, the security was anything but false. They may as well be the only two living beings in that forest as long as he was there with her. The moon was a welcomed alliance of light while he was by her side, but had it been just her, its inviting light would quickly turn into her biggest foe.

He stared down at her intently as he came to stand by the water’s edge, the thought poking at that curiosity in his mind once more for what felt like the umpteenth time this evening.

Multiple times tonight, he had asked himself what would’ve happened to her had their paths not crossed.

If she had run into anyone else other than him tonight, she would’ve died long before she would’ve reached the lake. She never would’ve gotten to see the way the moon’s reflection shimmered on the surface of the lake’s still waters. She never would’ve gotten to feel the gentle laps of those waters on her skin nor the smell of its pristine existence. In fact, if she even did manage to make it to the lake, she would’ve just been cause for its clear waters to be stained crimson and for its once untouched surface to be riddled in chaotic ripples and waves before the world plunged into natural silence once more.

His temper bubbled as the thought came to him.

He had always been the type who dons a short fuse. Easy to anger, Akaza seldom kept his rage to himself when someone provoked him – something others (such as the second Upper Moon) were all too familiar with.

Still, it had been a long time since he last felt rage on behalf of someone else.

It wasn’t as though he knew this woman in his arms nor as if anything connected the two of them. Her existence would’ve continued unknown to him and unimportant had they not met on this mundane evening, but for some reason or another, fate had intertwined their paths and tangled loose ends together. A jumbled knot formed between the two of them with those loose, wandering threads, and now, he felt rage on her behalf.

The intense emotion made him want to grip at his hair and shake his head as vigorously as he could. He was frustrated with himself and the confusion she forced into his stable lifestyle in the matter of a couple of hours, but despite it all, he still refused to react so callously. Rather, he harbored it within himself as he had done all evening, refusing to stir her with such gravity and lack of respect. Still, that rage he felt towards all of those what ifs she could’ve run into had it not been for the way they met left him with a tight, uncomfortable feeling both in the pit of his stomach and deep within his chest – a pressure of anger he didn’t even need to remember to know he dealt with ever since he was human all those centuries ago.

Calmly, he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath through his nose before allowing his head to fall back on his shoulders. His posture slowly relaxed as he stood there listening to the sounds of nature. Cicadas buzzed and cricked in the distance, a familiar chorus people either enjoyed or absolutely detested. Thankfully for him, he found their chorus to be soothing in its own right. Along with the cicadas, cedar leaves would flutter and crinkle with the occasional wind or the movement of the small woodland animals living upon their branches. When the wind would gently blow and coo, the reeds by the lake would gracefully sway and bend like a wave on the edge of the water, joining the natural ambiance.

A few moments of losing himself in the nature around him helped him to regain his composure, willing the sudden, puzzling anger to fade.

His golden eyes finally opened, his lashes of sunset pink lightly grazing over his inked brow. His numbered gaze set upward towards the moon, and there he remained a few moments longer to stare at its unobstructed appearance.

The moon was full and almost appeared engorged in the sky. It stood out prominently with its ethereal, soft white glow, but it never outshone any of the stars which gathered around it. The evening was cloudless, and thus their stage was clear for all of them to shine together.

It felt like it had been decades since he last took a chance to just stare up at the sky and watch what was happening beyond the clouds. It was such a mundane activity, something he knew humans tended to love doing, but the longer he stared at the cloudless evening sky, the more out of place he felt. Finding the feeling both unnecessary and uncomfortable, he promptly turned his gaze back to the human in his arms. A part of him expected her to be looking back at him when he did, but no, she was still huddled close to his chest and hugging the basin he gave her tight to herself.

A small frown angled his lips at the sight of her. He had hoped she would’ve popped her own bubble after he stopped moving for a while, but it appeared that she was determined to stay in her own space for as long as she could. He tutted, glancing towards the water’s edge as his tongue clicked against the roof of his mouth.

He supposed he would have to be the pin to pop her bubble after all.

Forward the demon began to walk once more, his footsteps relaxed and light. He trekked along the dirt trail naturally formed by the weeds beside the water, kicking stones as he went, until he eventually came upon the lake’s bank where he had cleaned himself up earlier during his first solitary trip over. Rather than stepping straight into the water this time, he carefully kneeled himself on the dirt, crossing his legs beneath himself to sit down only when he was certain he wouldn’t jerk nor haphazardly sway the woman in his arms with his movements. Though he found himself comfortable seated on the lake’s bank, he kept the woman in his arms elevated in the air, hesitant on how he should proceed. By instinct, he almost brought her to lay upon his lap, but he stopped himself midway before he did, uncertain whether that was truly the best way to go about this.

He looked to her unchanged, troubled expression in hopes of finding the answer there, but she left him feeling as profusely confused as he did so himself. Huffing lightly to himself in slight frustration, he decided while staring at her in her bubble to simply do what felt right. One way or another, now that he chose to walk this path with her, he had to wake her from whatever dream or fantasy she was having. Thus, he finally settled her down on his lap, making sure she was securely resting against him.

His brow furrowed deeply as he placed her weight upon himself. The actual weight she had didn’t make much of a difference to him with his unnatural strength, but there was definitely something strange about the way it felt to have her laying atop of him as opposed to him carrying her around. The weighted warmth her feminine figure brought him in that moment was practically something alien to him. Rather than it being a deliberate action on his part of holding her to himself to move her around with him, her warmth flooded his senses all from her own accord as she slumped comfortably into his muscular frame.

For centuries, he had lived a mostly solitary lifestyle. Companionship was never something he held in high esteem nor did it ever hold much importance to him as a demon, and yet, thanks to her, his mind stirred with distant, faint nostalgia once more.

How many centuries has it been since he last felt the touch of another on his person? The warmth of another soothing his roughened skin? Did he have loved ones when he was human that he was able to hug and hold? Did they feel just as warm as she did? Did their weight on him make him feel as strangely as hers did? Did they fit as perfectly in his arms and upon his lap as she did? Did he know a woman like her back then? Did he have a woman to call his own when he led a normal human life? Did he stir or was he ever taken aback the way he was right now? Did he like it? Was companionship like that something he sought out like the necessity it is to most humans?

He can’t even remember when the last time was that he had spent a few moments with someone he enjoyed the company of, so that sudden flood of questions was something that caught him completely off guard.

The onslaught of it all which began to flood his mind felt overwhelming to him. It was as if he had lost his identity, as if he had gotten some extreme case of amnesia and was only left with very shattered, very small bits and pieces of the person he used to be. He supposed, in a way, that’s exactly what was going on with him, but he had never cared about that sort of thing before. Sure, on rare occasions he would feel the whisp of a long-lost memory in the back of his mind, but that seldom ever occurred, and when it did, he’d dismiss it entirely after considering it only for a moment’s breath. Tonight, however, the vague memories of someone he no longer knew felt more constant, and all he could amount them up to was the fact that she continued triggering them without even trying.

Always mindful of his strength with her, he gently slipped his hand out from beneath her knees and brought it up to rub at his face, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. Everything about mingling with the human woman felt confusing, but so familiar and oddly comforting. He swore her very essence tried to beckon memories of his human life forward with honeyed words and soft humming, but none of it was strong enough to muster an image in his mind’s eye. She confused and shook his stability to his very core, and he didn’t even know her name nor where she came from.

Breathing in deep, he let out a soft sigh and pulled his hand away from his face, deciding the mystery of his past was one he’d rather leave where it was for the time being. For now, he simply shifted his gaze back down towards the woman’s undisturbed figure to continue following the mystery of her instead.

“We’re here.” He finally spoke, his voice rough and low.

Deep within her fantasies, she could hear his voice calling for her. Despite how hard she tried to envision herself in a different place and a different time in the arms of the past, there was nothing in this world that could definitively rip her away from her true reality the way she so wanted.

_______ didn’t want to open her eyes. With her eyes closed, she could continue to dream and lie to herself. She could continue to be with the people she loved, could continue to feel their embraces and hear their sweet voices. If she opened her eyes, all of that would go away. The whole point of her coming here tonight was for all of this to be over, for her to fall and slip away from this world she felt she didn’t belong in anymore. Why is she still here? Why is she still breathing? Why can’t she just slip into her dreams and never wake up again?

She didn’t want to.

She didn’t want to open her eyes to the same old world she tried to leave behind.

So, she didn’t.

Rather than respond to the demon’s remark, she curled tighter into herself and hugged the wooden basin in her arms closer to her chest. As long as she didn’t open her eyes, she didn’t have to face any of it. She didn’t have to face the world again, didn’t have to face the truths, didn’t have to face the pain.

“Mm. You’re gonna pretend like ya don’t hear me, huh?”

His voice was so strong. So deep, reverberating and strong. She could hear him, loud and clear, like running water in a river. The rapids of his voice threatened to submerge and drown the fantasies she tried so hard to stay within, so she clung to the daydreams with all her might despite knowing the battle was already lost.

“Come on,” He urged lowly, tenderly reaching down to stroke locks of hair away from her face so he could see her better. “I know you’re tired and rest would be the best for you right now, but we can take care of that when we get back to the cabin. The faster we wash you up, the faster you can close your eyes again.”

Her brows knitted together tightly and a deep frown took her lips in response to his rough fingers brushing through her hair and along the surface of her skin. It didn’t matter how hard she tried to fight against the current, she knew this. His voice, the feel of his touch, the smell of the dried blood on her person; it all forced wave after wave on her, the violent waters grabbing onto her arms and clothes, dragging her away from the life she knew no longer existed.

The peace in her mind of being lovingly held in the arms of the people she longed for most was fading away. The images of their smiling faces blurred, the sound of their voices became static, and all she was left with was an empty, dark room she stood in all by herself with the echo of the demon’s voice ringing within. It felt like a room she was far too familiar with, vast but suffocatingly small all at the same time. His voice was incredibly loud within its boundless walls no matter how tender he feigned to be.

It felt like she couldn’t breathe when she was stuck in that room, and so at long last, she was forced to open her eyes to the real world again.

Slowly, she lifted her head and allowed for her eyes to scan over her surroundings. She took note of the secluded lake, the still waters it harbored, the way the tall cedars bowed their heads of bushy leaves to the clearing and the gracefully waving reeds by the water’s edge. She blinked her eyes hazily and squeezed the basin in her arms to herself, unwillingly recalling why it was he had brought her here to begin with.

When her sights returned to the two of them, she realized he had her draped over his lap, snuggled close to his frame. It was certainly an odd position she never thought she’d find herself in tonight, but the warmth he gave off was something she didn’t want to reject. She knew she should’ve jumped out of his grasp as soon as she came to, but nothing within her willed her to do as such. There was something about his warmth that helped numb the excruciating ache of how lonely and worthless she felt, and selfishly, she wanted to stay within it a while longer.

At the thought, she turned her gaze upwards and met his unnatural sight. His eyes peered strikingly into her own, large and spectacular in their deceiving colors, and almost as if he had read her mind, they turned to crescents in response to her hazed, inquisitive expression.

“I take it you managed to get some kind of sleep in ya during our trip.”

Sleep…Ah, yes…It was all just dreams at the end of the day.

“Yeah, I guess I did…” She muttered, her voice barely more than a weak croak. “Where did you bring us to…?”

“I brought you over to the lake I’m familiar with so we can get you washed up. I’m sure getting clean with some nice, cool water will help make you feel better.”

Groggy from her somber slumber, the demon’s words only resulted in furthering the stupor upon her. She swore she sometimes forgot she was speaking to one of Muzan’s Upper Moons whenever he talked to her. In place of rage, anger, hate, sadism and violence she expected to receive from him tonight, he instead received her with care, tenderness, gentility, concern and attention. She still didn’t know how she was supposed to feel about any of it nor how she was meant to react, but for all it was worth, she didn’t quite care anymore. To her, her life was nearing its end. She didn’t see very many tomorrows left for her in the great horizon despite the failure of her initial plan for the evening. Perhaps having this strangely comforting demon accompanying her on one of her last nights will help make letting go easier when the time did ultimately come.

“Right…” She eventually nodded. “Washing up would be nice…”

“Alright, let’s get you cleaned up then.” He hummed, taking the basin from her hold with his free hand and setting it down beside the two of them for the time being.

He felt her fall into his chest again when he freed her arms of the basin, and it was cause for him to pause for just a time. He watched as she laid her head against his chest, her hair lightly tickling his bare skin with the way it splayed and rubbed against him. The stare she gave into the distant cedars was long and vacant, as if she were still lost in her own world despite him having pulled her out of it.

After a second or two, he took the towel from the basin and draped it over his shoulder before hooking his arm beneath her knees again. When she was secure in his grip, he stood to his feet and began to walk them forward. He only needed to move them towards the still water so he could sit her down right by the shore. When his bare feet stepped into the crystalline shallows, he kneeled down and allowed her legs to rest in the waters, their submersion causing ripples to distort the lake’s surface for as far as the eye could see.

_______ watched her legs dip beneath the waves. The crystal-clear waters aided by the shimmering light of the moon granted her the perfect view of them beneath the surface. When her eyes trailed up the length of them, she took notice for the first time that evening that he had removed her boots and socks. When he had done that, she wasn’t sure, but she didn’t mind. The water itself was, indeed, cool and refreshing to the touch, not cold nor hot. The lake bed was host to many different aquatic plants, but the only ones which grazed her calves were like the blades of grass overlooking the hills of the woods. The sand she sat upon was soft and inviting, offering no sense of discomfort, and a harboring of the warmth the bank must’ve gathered during the light of day. 

“Are you comfortable here?” She heard him ask her from behind as he reached back for the basin.

“Yes…this is fine.”

She didn’t need the basin. Instead, she cupped her palms together and dipped her hands in the still waters, watching as it seeped in through the spaces between her fingers. Like this, she brought the water to her face and began to scrub the dried blood off of her cheeks with the pads of her fingers and the heels of her hands. When the blood began to streak down her skin, as if revived from the dead, she grimaced heavily. The repugnant scent of iron overtook her senses all over again as drops of crimson lake water dripped over her uniform.

She was desperate to get the blood off of her, to mute the scent of iron from herself once and for all. Quickly, she continued to fill her palms with water over and over again, scrubbing at the skin of her cheeks as hard as she could, until they felt raw and sensitive.

Akaza simply watched her as she took care of herself, having taken a seat by her left in front of the lake’s edge. Upon his lap was the wooden basin, the towel still sitting draped over his shoulder. Patiently, he waited for her to finish cleaning her face, his gaze soaking in the image of her desperation to rid herself of the crimson staining her pure flesh. He watched the reddened drops of lake water slide down the edges of her jaw, some even clinging to the skin of her lips and the tip of her nose. Several of the drops gathered along the edges of her brows, but she was always quick to wipe all of them away. It didn’t take long for her to clean herself of the blood, but she kept going a couple more times, and he waited patiently for her through it all.

Eventually, her hands simply rested on her laps, her eyes fixed on the rippling waters before her. His golden gaze followed her own, and gradually, they both watched their reflections appear on the lake’s surface once the waters calmed. From the surface, he watched an anguished scowl morph her expression as her reflection stared back at her, and like that, she turned her sights away from the water entirely.

He observed her for a little while longer on the lake’s surface in silence. Only the sounds of nature and their quiet breathing intermingled between the two of them. She had turned her face away from him, avoiding his eye. It drew his curiosity, but he also knew to respect the space she wanted around herself.   

After a while, he lifted his sight from the lake’s waters and faced the back of her head. His eyes scanned over her luscious locks in the silence until a small smile came to him.

“Why don’t you let me wash your hair for you?” He offered. “It’ll help you relax. Maybe it’ll take any headache you might have away too.”

_______ didn’t respond with words this time. It took her a moment to consider, but she did ultimately nod her head at him as her answer, deciding not to question it for now.

His gaze softened at that.

Subconsciously led by the nostalgia of his memories, he gripped the basin by its rim and turned to dip it into the lake, scooping it nearly to the brim with water. From there, he first moved himself to sit behind her away from the shore so he could face the back of her head and she could watch the lake’s waters in her own space more comfortably. Once he found himself content seated behind her, he firmly placed the basin into the sand beside himself, shifting it from side to side until its bottom was buried in the bank. Once he was sure it was secure, he faced the back of her again and watched as she lifted her head to make it easier for him to work with her hair.

He didn’t want to wet the back of her clothes, though. She was already so weakened from whatever hell she went through that drove her into his arms; he didn’t want to try their luck by making her spend the evening in soaked clothing. So, he took the towel draped on his shoulder and unfolded it on his lap. With his large, ink-dipped hand, he carefully scooped her luscious locks from the base of her neck and lifted. Then, he used his other hand to drape the towel over her shoulders before allowing her hair to fall back to where it naturally would.

When he was sure she was properly covered, he finally began to scoop water into his cupped palms from the basin and brought his hands to the very top of the back of her head. From there, he steadily allowed the water to cascade upon her locks. Back and forth, he repeated the process, allowing the water to rain and drip over different areas of her hair until it was completely soaked. Obviously, they had no shampoos, conditioners nor soaps with them for this trip, but that was fine. In place of washing her hair with flowery aromas, he instead leisurely and gently ran his fingers through it, soothingly combing through her mighty waves and currents as if it were second nature to him.

_______ couldn’t remember the last time somebody had washed her hair for her. She reckoned it was likely all the way back when she was a child and her mother still bathed her. Those days felt so far away now; she could hardly remember what it felt like. Yet, having this strange demon’s fingers running through her wet locks, softly detangling and gliding through in relaxing repetition, soothed her in place. The previous anxiety she felt over the blood on her face was being washed away from her. She felt herself sink into the sands beneath her and her gaze lifted towards the distant shores of the lake without much focus. Her mind was filled with vacant, hazy static and didn’t feel present in the moment at all, but oh, how well those fingers of his knew to glide.

Staring out at the water in the midst of it all, she finally seemed to genuinely notice the still reflection of the sky on the surface of the lake. When there were no ripples nor movement, the water mirrored the image of the moon and stars above perfectly to the last detail. She hadn’t paid much attention during her trek into the forest earlier, but there was a full moon tonight, large and bulbous, and the sky was chock-full of stars. A deep sadness befell her as she looked over the picturesque scene.

“Has the moon looked like that all night…?”

Her voice called for his attention, and he hummed in response to her, his gaze lifting towards the sky.

“Yeah, I guess it has. It’s full tonight.”

“It looks so…lonely.”

“Lonely?” He echoed. “What do you mean? It’s just a big ole rock in the sky; it can’t be lonely. Besides, it’s not the only thing up there – it’s surrounded by tons of stars, ya see?”

She shook her head, her eyes lidding solemnly at the moon’s reflection on the water.

“No, don’t you see? No matter how many stars gather around it, no matter how many comets or shooting stars or anything in between, it’s still all alone up there. While the stars all shine beautifully with their very own lights, all the moon can do is steal its light from the sun on the other side of the world. The moon is just as you say: a big ole rock in the sky – but that doesn’t make it any less alone up there, surrounded by so many others it can never compare itself to…”

Akaza contemplated her words with a soft hum, his eyes caught up in the sky for a few moments before a little chuckle left his lips.

“You humans sure like your poetics and romanticism.” He murmured. “I guess I don’t really see it that way.”

“Why? What makes you see it differently?”

“Well…” He paused, gathering his thoughts as he reflexively ran his fingers through her now detangled, silky hair over and over. “I’m not sure, now that you ask. I’ve been alive for so many years, it almost feels like the moon is just as much a constant as I am. The stars come and go, they flicker and fade out, but the moon is always there, going through its phases and changing on its own timing. I also wouldn’t say it just steals its light from the sun. After all, the sun would kill me, but the moon almost seems to cover for me and my kind. I think that makes them plenty different and unique in their own rights. Can you imagine how many eyes have looked up at it by now? Demon and human alike? Nobody can stare straight at the sun itself, but everyone can look up at the moon for as long as they want, whenever they want. If it could feel anything, I doubt it’s loneliness.” Shortly after he finished his thought, he laughed lightly to himself and smiled in amusement. “Well, damn, would ya listen to me go? Maybe I still got some of those poetics in me somewhere too.”

_______ silently mulled over the demon’s words as her vacant stare hazily scanned the surface of the moon’s reflection. Their viewpoints differed significantly, and she wasn’t quite sure what to make of his interpretation. All she felt in that moment was the loneliness of the moon’s reflection, and no matter how hard she stared, she could never see beyond that.

“You killed my mentor, Akaza.”

His hand stopped mid stroke; fingers caught in waves of (hair color). Her sudden, blunt remark rang in his head, echoing over, but it took him a couple of seconds to really register what her words meant. When it finally sunk in, he lowered his gaze from the sky and faced the back of her head. Curtly, his smile fell and was replaced by a serous, unreadable look.

So, there it is.

She hadn’t moved. Her gaze remained on the moon’s reflection on the lake, though she wasn’t really focusing on anything in particular anymore. Lost in her mind, lost in the world of painful realities and the vivid memories she would never feel again, she spoke by instinct. She spoke because there was no more room left in her head for the words to bury themselves in silence and fake ‘I’m okay’s.

“I see…” He muttered softly. “Who was your mentor?”

“Rengoku.” She didn’t skip a beat. “Rengoku Kyojuro. You killed him the night the Mugen Train was attacked by another demon.”

“Kyojuro.” He echoed the name, instantly remembering the man she referred to. Akaza never forgot a worthy opponent, and Kyojuro had definitely been one of them. Little did he know, however, that he would hear the name again after the night of his defeat.

“You killed him.” She repeated. “You killed him and took him away from me, away from all of us. He gave everything in him to protect the passengers of the train until dawn, and like it didn’t mean anything at all, you took his life for it.”

He remained silent for a while, staring at the back of her head in thought of how he should formulate a response. If she had been a man, he wouldn’t have cared for this conversation nor his reality of it. He’d say bluntly and proudly that he did, indeed, strike the Hashira down by his own hand. He’d declare the Hashira’s last moments a foolish waste of potential and power due to his blatantly stupid denial of the offer to be turned into a demon. He would’ve gone beyond his human limitations and become stronger than he could’ve ever imagined, but his humanity was a drawback and a fault up to his very end. If she were a man, he’d have no mercy with his words and say it as he saw it to be – but obviously, she wasn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to speak to her the same way he would’ve a man.

“Kyojuro was a very talented fighter,” He began, his tone leveled and respectful to match his measured words. “He was a worthy opponent, and a man with an insurmountable spirit and fierce determination. The passion he had within him to defend those weaker than himself was admirable, as was his unmovable will and beliefs. From one fighter to another, he died an honorable death.”  

He didn’t say more beyond that. He didn’t apologize for the act, because not only would it be an empty gesture, but it would be a backhanded one at that. Apologies, no matter how sincere or insincere, mean nothing when someone is dead and gone. Death meant very little to him, but to humans, he knew it was an agonizing goodbye no one was ever ready for. He knew there was nothing he could say to make it any better, and he didn’t intend to try to soothe the pain nor to comfort it away with false words and empty apologies he didn’t mean. His hands were forever stained crimson with the man’s blood, and that wasn’t something anyone could change anymore.

_______’s eyes began to water with each word uttered from the demon’s lips. More and more, her expression scrunched up in pain as fat, wet tears quickly began to trail down the same old paths on her cheeks. Before she knew it, she began to tremble on the spot, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop the shakes which selfishly quaked her frail form. The trembles forced her shoulders to stiffen up in a false attempt at control, but she knew she had lost all sense of the word long ago. Downcast, her head lowered in shame and distraught while her hands curled into painfully tight fists upon her laps in the shallow, cool water.

His words, so thoughtfully interlaced with considerate respect, strummed at olden, rusted strings deep within her caged frame, forcing them to life. It hurt. It hurt in ways she didn’t know they could when they sang and vibrated within her very being. She wanted it to stop as soon as it started, but there was nothing that could stop it now.  

She felt so disgusted with herself.

She felt like a complete hypocrite.

She should hate him. She should absolutely deplore him. She should want to behead him with every single ounce of her being. She should want to wipe the earth clean of his existence. She should want all of these things – but she didn’t.

She didn’t hate him.

She couldn’t bring herself to.

Rengoku gave his life for what he believed in. He gave everything up to defend and protect those weaker than himself. His entire life, he dedicated his everything to help everyone he could, and for some reason, she was part of that group in his eyes as well.

She knew he had no regrets when he died.

He gave his life for what he lived it for, and he passed away in peace knowing he was victorious in his selfless goals up to the very end.

Hating Akaza would take away from Rengoku’s legacy. It would be as if there were pity in his death. It would diminish the work he gave his life for, the lives he fought so hard to save, the young Slayers he inspired and watched grow before his very eyes, destined to become the future.  

She should absolutely abhor Akaza, but she didn’t.

She couldn’t even if she tried.

All she felt was a massive, cold emptiness within her that Rengoku’s magnificently bright, fierce and warm presence left behind.

All she felt was a consuming, drowning grief she didn’t know how to cope with nor escape from. It followed her every day of her life, leeching off of her, attached to her shoulders by flesh and bone. It was a part of her and she a part of it.

“H-how am I supposed to move on…?” She wept out to the demon behind her. “He was s-such an amazing person…You know, he used to have s-so much faith in me and who he thought I would become…Hah,” She laughed bitterly. Wetly. “I wonder i-if he’s still looking at me with those same proud eyes from Heaven…D-does he still have that same faith in me? I-isn’t he ashamed of how far I’ve fallen? I’ll n-never be able to amount to what he saw in me, s-so does that leave him feeling disappointed? A-am I saddening him with my inadequacies while he’s supposed to finally be at peace after h-how hard he fought his entire short life?”

Her hands shot up and hid her face behind her palms as those rusted strings strummed with forlorn passion. She gripped to her forehead and cheeks by the pads of her fingers and out she sobbed without restraint into her open hands. Her mouth fell agape as smothering cries left her broken, trembling figure. The heels of her bare feet dug into the sand of the lake’s bed, kicking and pushing before bending her legs closer to her body in an attempt at a false sense of security, but no such feeling ever came to her. The pain within her only grew and grew with each second which tick, tick, ticked. It became unbearable, forcing her to twist and turn in an attempt of spreading that hurt to other areas outside of her shuddering chest, but it remained dormant, locked behind her ribs.

“He was m-my teacher and a very good friend, and just like that, he’s gone…! Kyojuro is dead, but I’m still alive! What am I supposed to do with this breath in my lungs?! H-how am I supposed to keep going!? How?!” Her cries grew louder, carried by the wind through the cedars who bowed and swayed in somber grievances along with her.

“Why am I still alive?! Why do I get to keep living wh-when people like Kyojuro die from one day to the next?! W-why am I allowed to keep living while I watch person after person fall and die around me?! People who deserved so much more to have a million tomorrows instead of someone as useless as me! What am I supposed to do?! Where do I go from here a-and how am I supposed to keep living a life I never deserved?! Akaza!”

She pried her hands away from her face and abruptly turned to face the demon behind her. Her puffy, tear-filled eyes met with his sunset hues, and in them, she didn’t know what she saw. Whether it was pity or sympathy was beyond her, but there was definitely something there that she didn’t expect to find in the eyes of her mentor’s killer. There was a kindness within his unnaturally numbered gaze that confused her beyond all understanding. She knew everything about him was wrong and terrible and awful, she knew she should curse him to the furthest abyss she could think of along with the rest of his kind, but everything in his eyes called for her to come in for comfort. For reassurance. For warmth and care.

She hated herself beyond all definitions of the word for the sense of safety that took her when she looked into those peculiar and confusing sunset hues.

“How do I cope?! What am I supposed to do with this breath in my lungs?! P-please, tell me something! G-give me some guidance, tell me how to s-start, tell me what to do, j-just tell me…!” She choked on a heart-wrenching cry of immense pain, one of her hands gripping tightly at her chest in a desperate attempt to find stable ground. “T-tell me how to make it stop…! Tell me how to make it stop hurting so damn much! I-I can’t take it…!”

At that last, pain-stricken plead, Akaza reached forward and pulled the human woman tightly into his embrace. Strongly, his arms wrapped around her unsteady, quivering frame, one of his hands cupping the back of her head to guide her to the hiding place against the crook of his neck. His ink-dipped fingers dug into her soaked locks, firmly keeping her in place to prevent her from stubbornly struggling against him. In place of the struggle he anticipated, however, he instantly felt her sink in and latch onto him when he gave her the opportunity to. Her arms hugged around his torso as tight as her feeble state allowed once she collapsed against him. Her hands desperately clawed and grabbed at his back until she managed to gain an iron-grip on the loose cloth of his haori, and when they did, she clung to the foreign fabric for dear life. Against the crook of his neck, she wept inconsolable wails and sobs of a pain he once thought he didn’t know, but something about the way she cried to him and the way she clung to him with such hopeless devastation stirred bygone emotions deep within him he never knew existed.

All he could attach them to was a familiar sense of grief, lost to space and time.

So, he said nothing. Nothing he could say would make the pain go away. Nothing he could say would change things.

He didn’t have the answers she was looking for, but at least he could hold her for the night. He could hold her through the weeping, could gather up her feminine figure back upon his lap and rock her while he offered her a secret place to let those buried, bitter tears go beneath the glow of the moon and the watch of the stars. At least for tonight, he could be an odd place of refuge for her to cry, a place to let out everything she’s bottled.

Distantly, his sights fell beyond the far end of the lake and passed the mourning cedars. His mind was both cacophonously loud and drowned in quiet.

He wasn’t built for moments like these.

He didn’t exist for people like her.

Yet, there they were.

Through the course of the night, his lost memories bombarded him with a barrage of questions, but as his protective embrace tightened around the human Slayer, he came to the understanding that there would be no answers for either of them tonight – and that’s okay.

He’s lived this long without knowing anything about his past; he could survive centuries more without it.

Her life, however, was a blink of the eye in comparison to his own.

Humans were so fragile and short-lived, like the tail of a comet luckily caught in the night sky.

He couldn’t imagine an entire lifetime spent dwelling on the past and those lost to time. It was illogical to him. Yet, seated there with her on his lap, he felt her wave of grief crash upon him like the rapids of a raging river, and he knew not how he should respond.

His hands were stained red, and seldom did he ever care, but something about this instance moved him.

He could say nothing.

All he could do was pay witness to her heartbreak and devastation alongside the cedars and reeds whom grieved with them. All he could offer her was his embrace and himself as her hiding place and safe haven. Though she sought him for an end to her life, he chose to offer her a space within the cedar woods to properly mourn in secret instead – and so she did.

Deep within the cedar woods, by the lake once untouched by human and demon kind, she mourned in his blood-stained arms.

It felt like they were in that position for hours. The moon gradually descended in the sky as he held her in the clearing, and with each inch it fell, he noticed her cries grew quieter. Eventually, when the moon was just above the canopies, silence enveloped the world once more.

His shoulder felt wet, soaked by her tears, but she no longer shook nor cried. He could feel her warm breath against his neck, and the grip of her hands on him remained strong, but at long last, she had relaxed. He peered softly upon her expression, careful not to disturb her, and noticed she seemed to have exhausted herself of the little energy she had left. There on his shoulder, she had fallen asleep, her face riddled with tears where there once was blood.

He held her protectively in his arms for a while longer within the clearing, watching over her, curiously examining her face of exhausted slumber. Once he was confident she wouldn’t stir for a long time, he gently began to stroke her hair with the hand he used to cup the back of her head. Tenderly – almost affectionately – he pet her as she slept, lost on the idea of how someone like her managed to find someone like him on a night like tonight.

He supposed it didn’t matter.

It simply was.

He sighed softly at the thought, and at last, stood to his feet. Cradling her close to his chest and keeping her head comfortably on his shoulder, he walked them into the dark embrace of the cedar woods once more.

~¤ ¤ ¤~

When _______ next opened her eyes, another unfamiliar ceiling stared down at her.

The grains in its wooden boards greeted her with their deep mahogany colors accented by the sweet light of day. Where the sunshine seeped through, she wasn’t quite sure yet, but it was definitely there. Not only could she see it blanketing the natural wooden boards above her in a beautiful golden glow, she also felt its warmth welcomingly embracing her person. It nearly felt like the sun itself was fondly cupping her cheek within its hand, rubbing at her sensitive skin with tender digits.

Slowly, groggily, she blinked her eyes and grimaced lightly. They ached quite a bit. Had they ached that much when she last fell asleep? She couldn’t remember. What happened before she fell asleep? The question encouraged her to look around, expecting to see the small cabin belonging to the demon in the woods, but rather, she was in a different room than the one she remembered.

This room was more spacious and more homely decorated than what she could remember of Akaza’s cabin. She was laying on a mattress propped on a wooden bedframe, its sheets a simple white color. The screen walls which encompassed the room were an aging eggshell white, outlined with supportive dark wooden beams and decorated with a couple of hand-painted illustrations of different scenes in nature. By the right of her bedside, there was a table, and on it, a porcelain vase filled with flowers. She didn’t recognize what kind of flowers they were, but their blooms were beautifully round and pale pink – a lovely accent. To the left of her bedside was a window, its panes closed to keep the breeze out, but its forest green curtains were spread wide open to allow sunlight to warm the room within. The warm lighting drastically differed from the dark she recalled of the demon’s lonely little home, self-imposed by the boards he nailed up to keep the sun from touching his skin.

In contrast, she could see the sky from where she lay. It was bright blue, and a few white, puffy clouds lazily drifted by. A couple of birds flew passed her view as well, their chirping a lovely sound she felt she hadn’t heard in a long time. The difference between then and now was astronomical, and that fact caused her to wonder.

Tiredly, she sat herself up in bed and continued to stare into the great beyond of the boundless, bright blue sky as she attempted to recall the happenings of the night prior.

Last she remembered, she was talking to Akaza about Rengoku and his passing. She could remember crying to him about things she hadn’t spoken about aloud to anyone before. She could remember him pulling her securely into his strong hold as she broke down in front of him…He wasn’t crude nor cruel nor thoughtless concerning what she wept to him about. Despite being the cause of all that anguish, he treated her with compassion and care. He held her like he understood her, like he would never let her go until he was sure the pain dulled itself out.

If all of that really happened, then where was she now? They were by the lake deep within the cedar woods when he held her. Now, judging by the sound of casual chatter outside and the sunshine proudly beaming through the window, she could only guess she was back in the small village she was stationed to protect. Akaza couldn’t be anywhere near here, otherwise the pandemonium would be as plain as the day was bright.

Nevertheless, she knew last night wasn’t just a dream. She knew it wasn’t, because she could remember everything to the very last detail as well as her reasonings for seeking him out to begin with.

She could remember the strength she felt emanate from his being perfectly. No matter how hard she tried not to focus on that, he was a being whose mere presence demanded the attention of those around him due to his unnaturally intense prowess. Despite that, she remembered he never used his immense strength to hurt her in any way – not even verbally. Rather, she felt how strong he was in the way he held her, in how tightly he squeezed her close to himself, in the way his hand had cupped the back of her so she could hide against him as much as she needed to.

She could recall the sound of his voice and the words he shared with her. When she expected him to tell her vile things about her mentor’s death, he instead offered her measured words of both respect and consolation.

When she couldn’t speak any longer, his silence spoke for him as well. In his arms, she could vividly remember how easy it was to fall apart.

In his eyes, she could remember how safe he made her feel.

She closed her eyes at the thought only for images of him and his sunset hues to flash before her mind’s eye. She groaned at his image and brought a hand to her face as she recalled his intricacies. Rubbing at her eyes and cheeks, she recalled his bewildering care for her, how sympathetic he was to her situation, and a part of her continued to question if any of it was real at all.

Did any of that actually happen? Was it all truly real?

Did a demon of Muzan’s twelve Kizuki really comfort her last night?

Did the third Upper Moon truly try to nurse her back to health in his lonely cabin after protecting her from a rampaging demon?

Did he really care about the way he touched her? About the way he spoke to her?

Did he really take her out to a hidden lake in the woods where he allowed her to spill her heart out to someone for the first time in the real world?

He should be her number one target. As a Demon Slayer, he was someone she was meant to eradicate from this world. He should be someone she hated with every fiber of her being, especially considering what he had done to Rengoku, but when she thought of him, all she felt was…loss. Loss and confusion as well as a new, small feeling of longing and warmth.

“What the hell is wrong with me…?” She whispered aloud, groaning against the palm of her hand before allowing it to fall onto the bedsheets.

Last night was very real, and she didn’t know what she was supposed to make of it now. Demon and human interacted in the cover of night as if they had known each other for decades. It made her a traitor to humanity, she was aware, but…why couldn’t she see it that way as well? Why couldn’t hate surface at the image of him in her mind?

Why did she feel unhappy that she hadn’t woken up to the sight of him sitting in front of his irori pit, stirring another nasty medicinal tea for her?

The sound of footsteps in the hallway pulled her attention away from her own ceaseless, unthinkable questioning and drew it towards the door. It opened with a soft creak, and a familiar face walked inside. It took her a moment to recall, but she soon recognized she was one of the village’s few healers she remembered speaking to when she brought injured villagers to their recovery rooms. Momoko, she remembered was her name. In her hands, she noticed she was carrying a tray with what appeared to be a plate of onigiri and a steaming cup of something to drink.

Tea, probably.

“You’re awake!” Momoko chimed, a bright smile angling her lips when she caught sight of the Slayer seated upright in bed. “I’m so glad to see you up again! We were all so worried about you, but I knew you’d wake up in the morning!”

_______ observed her, a perplexed look befalling her as the young woman approached her bedside with such zealous vigor. 

“Where am I, Momoko? What happened? Why were you all worried about me?”

“You mean you don’t remember?” Momoko shook her head and frowned at her sympathetically. “No, that’s right – how could you? You were so beaten up when we found you…It’s no wonder you can’t remember anything…We found you at dawn by the entrance of the village. It looked like you had dragged yourself out of the woods after fighting off the demons all night. We guessed you must’ve collapsed from exhaustion before you could make it back to one of us healers. To tell you the truth, we don’t know what happened while you were away. We noticed your room was empty in the early evening, but by then, you had been out for quite some time.” Sheepishly, she averted her gaze to the tray in her hands. “None of us were brave of enough to go beyond the village to find you…We assumed you had gone with some kind of plan to help protect the village, and we thought we would only be a burden to you if we got in the way by sending anyone after you, so we chose to wait until dawn for you return. If you hadn’t shown up, we didn’t know what we were going to do…” A deep sigh of relief left her. “Thank God, we found you safe and sound in the morning…”

Momoko paused for a few seconds after that, her gaze still set on the bed’s comforters. _______, taken aback by the tale, didn’t know how to react at first. She simply stared at the village healer, bewildered by the tale, and watched as a saddened and guilt riddled frown took hold of her expression.

All of a sudden, Momoko tightened her grip on the tray in her hands, closed her eyes tight and deeply bowed her head in respect to the recuperating Slayer before her.

“Because of how hard you must’ve fought through the night all on your own, the village was safe from attack for the first time in months! Throughout the entire evening, not a single demon was spotted nor were there any reports of villagers injured or going missing! Whatever you did worked, and for the first time in a long time, we were able to sleep peacefully in our homes without the fear of losing any of our loved ones! Thank you! From all of us here in Tatsukawa Village, we can never thank you enough for how bravely you’ve battled and how many times you’ve risked your life on our behalf!”

_______’s eyes widened and gooseflesh rose upon her arms as she allowed the healer’s words of deep gratitude to sink in. A mix of bewilderment and horror formed a massive, tight knot at the pit of her stomach, and all at once, it felt like the world was caving in on her again.

She…hadn’t done a single thing last night to fight any demon off. For weeks, she had been stationed in the village, fighting with all her might from the very first day she arrived – back when one used to be three. Those days, however, are a figment of the past now.

_______ was the lone Slayer in charge of protecting Tatsukawa Village up to date. It became apparent to her that, no matter how hard she tried, she wouldn’t be able to complete the mission her friends left in her hands before she was able to join them where they’ve gone. Thus, before making her trek into the cedar woods, she had sent off her Kasugai Crow to call for reinforcements. Her greatest hope was that the demons in the forest would be too distracted by her wandering between the cedars to really care for the villagers that one night. Effectively, she had planned to use herself as a sacrifice to keep the village safe while they waited for a new squad of Slayers to arrive so as to complete the work she could no longer carry on her shoulders. 

Yet, things very clearly didn’t go the way she had planned.

The demons found their interest in her, yes, but that didn’t last long at all. When she crossed paths with Akaza, they avoided him like a plague.

Nevertheless, the village was still safe.

Nobody was missing, and nobody was hurt – not even herself.

How…?

Before she could say anything in response to Momoko, the young woman stood up straight and extended the tray of food towards her, resting it upon her lap. The smile she bore beforehand had returned to her much softer, a look of gratitude radiating from her being.

“Because of you, our village knew a night of peace once again after months spent in fear of the dark. Thank you for being the answer to so many prayers. Thank you to you and your friends, may they rest in everlasting peace. Nobody here will ever forget what you’ve all done for us. So, thank you. I promise we healers will take the best care of you that we are able to provide. Please,” She beckoned to the food on the tray. “Enjoy this breakfast we put together for you. It isn’t much, but we weren’t sure how well you would be feeling for a meal after the state you were in. We put together some Kombu Onigiri for you along with a nice steaming cup of tea. Don’t be shy and eat as little or as much as you’d like! I’ll come back in a little while to clean up and bring you some medicine to help with the pain.”

With one last, thankful bow of the head, Momoko turned on her heels and left, leaving _______ with just the sound of the creaking door and the chirping birds outside, the distant chitter-chatter of bystanders mere white-noise to her.

For several seconds, she stared at the door to her room with that same large-eyed, dumbfounded look on her face, still trying so very hard to properly understand the barrage of information that was just given to her.

As each and every single word echoed and reverberated in her mind repetitively, her breathing quickened steadily until she was nearly to the point of hyperventilating. Her eyes quickly filled with bitter, stinging tears, but before a cry could threaten to loosen itself from her raw, scratchy throat, both of her hands shot up to firmly cover her mouth.

Into her open palms, she muffled her whimpered, broken sobs as the tears of a pathetic waste of life rolled down the skin of her cheeks for the millionth time.

She tightly closed her eyes as she wept into her palms, hiccupping and trying with all her might to catch up to her own breathing while doing her best to be as quiet as possible.

How could she do this to these poor, sweet people?

How could she be such a terrible person?

They thanked her.

They praised her.

They took care of her.

They saw her as some kind of blessing.

Yet, all she could see when she looked at herself was a coward.

An obstacle.

A waste of breath.

A disgusting hypocrite.

She didn’t deserve any of their kindness, didn’t deserve a single word of praise nor hospitality. She should’ve been left for dead, but here she is, alive once again. Rather than getting what she so clearly deserved, she was spared one more time, and now, all she could do was hopelessly wail over her own insufficiencies and faults against her hands towards the open skies beyond her window.

“W-why, Akaza? Why didn’t you just kill me when you had the chance…?”

~¤ ¤ ¤~

The rest of the day felt like a foggy fever dream to _______.

After Momoko had left her alone in her room that morning, she had cried her eyes raw and red for as long as she could muster the tears. At some point, they stopped coming no matter how miserable and guilty she felt, and from then on, she felt nothing but gray.

She shut down. She felt like she had gone through an entire lifetime in the course of just twenty-four hours, and she was exhausted from it all. She didn’t want to feel anything anymore, so she did everything within herself to prevent those emotions from resurfacing. Around others, this was an easy enough task. Nobody asked her about why her eyes were red and puffy whenever anybody would walk into her room to check on her, which was something she was grateful for. She was so used to hiding everything she felt, that doing so around the villagers was practically instinctual to her by now.

She could manage being alive when people came to speak with her like the village head, or when the healers came to check on her or offer her some kind of medicine. When she was around the others, she could force a smile and hold conversation for a short while until they would be on their way to let her rest – but when that door closed behind them, it left her trapped with culpability, regret and self-loathing.

To top it all off, mixed within that terrible concoction of dreadful emotions was also the thoughts, images and recent memories of the demon of the Upper Moons.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t bring herself to stop thinking about him throughout the entirety of the day. It didn’t matter what kind of mood she was in at any given time; Akaza would arise in her mind regardless of whether she was faking peace or just mourning the loss of it on her own.

Where is he now?

Is he still in the cedar woods?

Was he the one who left her at the entrance of Tatsukawa Village?

Did he have something to do with the constant attacks on the village?

Why did he take such good care of her?

Why did he care about the way she felt, emotionally and physically?

How was it possible that a demon like him would come to share such kindness and compassion with a human like her?

Silence was the only answer she ever received to her questions, but she continued to find new ones to ask herself even as day leisurely turned to night.

By the time the moon rose above the clouds beyond her window, Momoko returned to her bedroom to say goodnight and ask if she needed anything before she went to bed. The only thing _______ asked for was to have her window opened, so as to watch over the village better and to feel the evening’s cool breeze.

It was now far passed midnight, and she couldn’t bring herself to sleep; she had been too afraid of what she would dream of if she allowed her head to fall on her pillow. Instead, she remained seated in bed for hours into the night, resting her back against a pillow she propped on the bedframe behind her. Beyond her open window, she watched as stray dark clouds joined the moon and the stars in the night sky. Despite their presence, the clouds did little to obstruct the view off the full moon hanging over the world, lighting up darkened paths with its counterfeit shine.

All night, anxiety had wracked her body, thinking there would be an onslaught of demons falling upon the villagers’ homes now that she was no longer in the woods to distract them all. However, for hours, nothing happened. She simply paid witness to the world passing her by. The villagers went about their day, mingling with neighbors and loved ones, exchanging affectionate gestures or a few words by dingy home fences. With time, the crowds of people thinned until only a few stragglers walked down the dirt roads, but even they eventually wandered out of view.

It appeared that, for another night, Tastukawa Village would be able to sleep in peace.

Still, _______ watched the world, though she no longer knew whether she was keeping a vigilant watch or simply existing in the dark.

As her eyes fixated on the moon above, her head lulled towards her shoulder on her pillow. It had never looked so unfamiliar to her before the way it did this evening. She didn’t know if it was the same moon she gazed upon anymore, for all she saw when her eyes locked on its brilliant splendor was a liar trying desperately to blend in with the twinkling stars at its side.

“It must be hard,” She whispered to the moon. “Living up to that lie all the time. Do you ever get tired of it? Do the stars ever notice just how dim you really are? I guess he had a point in one thing…If it weren’t for the sun, you really would just be a big floating rock in the sky.”

Her expression fell as the words left her and a breath escaped passed her lips as she kept the moon solemn company. Her eyes softened at the twinkling of the stars, and as they did, a soft breeze swept through her window to playfully ruffle her hair and cool her skin. Unable to help herself, she took in a deep breath of the fresh evening air and slowly closed her aching, tired eyes to rest by the moon’s side for just a few minutes. The breeze picked up once again, stronger this time, and enveloped her within its wispy arms, encouraging her to lower herself properly in bed for the night despite the anxiety of what would come attached with rest.

As she turned her body towards her open window, she could hear the chittering of leaves belonging to the cedar woods in the distance, calling her name in a longing, mysterious whisper.

Within the strong embrace of the breeze and beneath the watchful gaze of the moon and stars, she fell asleep to the image of sunset hues by an untouched lake deep within those cedar woods.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you so much for making it this far! I hope you enjoyed this chapter to my Akaza fic! :D If you're eager for more, consider checking out the story on any of my cross-posting sites! They're up to date with the recent chapter, so you'll have two more parts to read aside from this one! :D Thanks so much for the support! Much love as always and God bless! <3

#fanfic #akaza #akaza comfort #akaza fanfic #akaza x reader #akaza x y/n #angst #angst and comfort #ao3 author #ao3 fanfic #cross posted on quotev #cross posted on ao3 #cross posted on wattpad #demon slayer fanfic #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba fanfic #rengoku #rengoku kyojuro #kny fanfic

[the2purpleidiots]

jasonnie lives in my head rent free now 😔 /pos. i was also wondering abt your thoughts on autistic donnie? as an autistic person i love me some good rep so im constantly brain thoughts on how jase would handle donnies meltdowns or overstimulation. the idea of them having parallel play time with each other owns my whole heart ❤ but yeah just curious on what you guys think of it. love the fics btw! I've read all of it so far and i really like them 🤠

Hello, Fox here! Sorry it took so long to answer this ask! I've been busy as hell, LMAO. But, hey! I'm glad you could join the bandwagon of Jasonnie enjoyers and enablers! There are a lot more of us than I realized, haha! Also, thank you for enjoying our fics! Even though we're not on the Jasonnie fixation as of late, it's always really fun to hear everyone else enjoying these dorks!

As for your question: Personally, I adore the Autistic!Donnie Headcanon and write him autistic in all my stories, intentional or not! Parallel play is definitely something they both just clicked on without having to say a word throughout the entirety of their relationship.

In our fics, Jason grew up in a household that disregarded his existence in nearly every sense of the word. So, after they get along and spend most of their time together? Jason enjoys it when they're doing their own things, sharing space since it's so similar to what he's used to while also being everything he's never given freely. Jason's used to blending into the background and not disturbing those around him. But with Donnie, he actually gets to share the space, to co-exist with him without fear that he's being too much or doing too little. There's no need to overanalyze and second-guess things.

Donnie's family has definitely existed in spaces together, especially when Donnie is working. But there's a significant difference between your siblings trying to help out, asking what you're doing, and getting you to build something for them, and when a kid simply blends into the space like nothing has changed. It's not like his family is constantly obnoxious, but brothers can sometimes be like that. Plus, Jason's smart, he shares the same level of knowledge with Donnie even if it isn't in the same subjects or skills, but he still blends in with Donnie's world instead of sticking out against it like his family does, if that makes sense?

It's like a mix of comforts and mutual unsaid understandings between them. They know how this shared space goes, and they both enjoy how the other exists naturally, so it's like a safe little bubble that they can get wrapped up in sometimes.

I would probably have more Jason and Autistic!Donnie Headcanons to share, but honestly, most of my Autistic!Donnie Headcanons are for my other fic series, and I have yet to think about these boys through that lens in a hot minute! (Any Autistic!Donnie-related Jasonnie ideas that are floating in my head are from the amazing people on the Jasonnie Discord Server and not my own.)

But a scene I think about a lot is Donnie and Jason cooking together. The two of them bond over their Asian Cultures, sharing their foods with each other, especially modified ones, to ensure the taste and texture doesn't disturb or overstimulate Donnie.

Also! Jason knowing his meltdown routine after a year of them being together is definitely something that delights me to no end. Knowing that when you're in that place and know you have someone you can trust to know exactly what you need and always try and follow that for you no matter how worried or hurt they may be in that moment? Because your health comes first, and they understand that? That everything that may have happened before can always be dealt with later? Fucking masterful; it means everything to me.

I do have to apologize, dear anon, for the more vague Headcanons, though? As I said before, it's been a moment since I truly obsessed over these two, but I hope I answered your question? If you have more, I'm more than happy to ramble about them and talk about them! <3

#fox speaks #rottmnt #rottmnt jason #it's unfair rottmnt #rise jason #rottmnt it's unfair #jasonnie #rise donnie #rottmnt donnie #it's unfair #ask #ask response #thanks for the ask! #autistic donnie #autistic donatello

[goldilockswrites]

Post here lovely 💗

First Choice - Thomas Raggi

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Pairing: Thomas Raggi x Reader (she/her)

Requested: Yes (by the absolute sunflower of a human @myfavguitarboythomasraggi )

Summary: On a day in which Y/N is feeling hurt and upset, Thomas is there to help her through it all and soothe her.

Warnings: Fluff and comfort (Is that even a warning?); Can get a little bit emotional; Proofread, but there is a chance there are mistakes, since I typed this out before falling asleep. 

A/N: Hey, guys! After I was gone for about a week, I am finally coming back with yet another Thomas request (yes, I love him he makes me happy, shush); I will probably be gone next week as well because I have exams. All the love, Axe! <3

Tags:  @writingmaneskin @myfavguitarboythomasraggi @moonlight-simp @cuzimitaliano @l0standn0tf0und-fics @selenophiliaxx @wasteddoubts @mywritingonlyfans @wannabemarlenabutiscoraline @que--sera--sera @iosonoarina @theimpossiblehologramtree @sunflowerpumpkinpie @maneslut (if you’d like to be removed from the tags feel free to tell me :) )

© 2021-2022 @idyllicbutterfly on Tumblr All Rights Reserved

Add yourself to my taglist - Check out my other stories

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Raindrops hit her skin as she remained idle in the front yard despite the downpour, digging through flower pots and replanting. "At least the rain does." She murmured to herself, a small smear of dirt appearing on her cheek as she tried to wipe some droplets off of her face. 

"Sun?" Thomas made his way to the garden - moisture making his golden hair stick to his skin. "What are you doing out here? It's raining! Get back inside!" The boy tried to get Y/N off the ground and back inside the house, but as soon as his fingertips brushed her bicep she pulled back. 

"Don't touch me!" She regretted her choice of tone, the second the words left her mouth. She didn't mean to snap at him. She was upset at the world and how unfair it had been lately, but that wasn't Thomas' fault. 

"Woah, okay... Sorry. I just want you to get back inside. I don't want you to get sick." He fiddled with his fingers, remaining idle next to her - within arms reach, but not close enough to make her feel suffocated. 

"I'm sorry I snapped." Y/N apologised. 

"It's okay, sun. We all have our days." As he continued to play with his hands, her gaze slipped over a flat, silver band - the engagement ring she had given him. 

"I usually don't." Y/N/N continued, maybe she was realising she wasn't doing good now, maybe she just wanted to take her mind off. "I have been very snappy usually and I'm sorry." Confusion bubbled in Thom's gaze as he looked at her. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing." She murmured and got back to her orchid. The man, clearly fed up, took the pot out of her hands. She didn't yell at him this time. 

"I can tell that you are about to cry, even when you bite your lip and say you are alright, you know?" It was now Y/N's turn to be confused - she had no idea what he was talking about. "Yeah? Every time you are about to cry you do that thing where you suck on your lower lip as tears flood your eyes and then you blink through them as you sink your teeth in." She dug through her memory. She did do that. How come she had never noticed? How come nobody ever noticed? 

"I wish I was their first choice." Y/N muttered the words that had been weighting her soul down, finally releasing them into the world. 

"First choice?"

"No one will choose me first, Thom. My mother prefers my brother over me. He on the other hand claims he loves me, but we both know if it comes down to choosing, he will pick his wife. My friends prefer me, because they would feel bad if they left me. Those who left regardless, still talk to my brother, yet they haven't uttered a single word my way... God, Thomas do you know how much it sucks to not be someone... Anyone's first choice!? It's awful." The boy nodded. His arms were wrapped around his fiancee, his face nestled in the crook of her neck as he listened to her talk. He breathed a few times and swallowed the first waves of "No, no, no"-s he was about to speak had he not bitten his tongue. 

"I hope you know that's not true." The guitarist straightened his back. "Because you will always be my first choice. Always. For everything. And you probably already know that, and I know that one person is probably not enough for you and I don't blame you - it shouldn't be. If I could I would make all those people you just listed make you their priority, but guess what, sunflower? People are like that sometimes. Cruel and rude, without even realising it. And I know you've heard that this is for the better and that it's a lie your brain has made up, but I won't tell you that. This isn't for the better. Some of those people that left sucked, some of the people who stuck around suck, but you already know that, you just want them because they were special for you and you were special to them. You want them because you want what you had back. But guess what? They don't hold that memory. It's still in you even if they are away. Regardless I understand why you feel this way. And I know there's not much I can offer, but since you kinda proposed to me and I like to believe that is a pretty good indication of the choice hierarchy for now, would you care to choose me and come watch a movie and cuddle? Because this rain is driving me mad!" Y/N smiled at the boy's words.

"Sure." The girl took a glimpse of the grey skies with dark clouds swirling inside.

“Hey, sunshine.” Thomas brought his hand under her chin. “You don’t have to go. You don’t have to change. You don’t have to grow if you don’t want to. If you want to be who you used to be, be who you used to be. That’s not a step back.” The boy took her hand in his pulling her to the house. “Change hurts. I know you aren’t scared of it, you just don’t want to change, so don’t. I won’t be upset with you if you decide you prefer being the way you used to be. I won’t be upset with you if you decide to change either. I love you. And you will always be my first choice; the you now, the you from 5 years ago, the you from 4 months ago, the you 7 years in the future. I don’t care if you come home every day talking to me about the same flower shop on the corner of the street, or if you prefer saying stuff without actually saying it; I don’t care if you cry on my shoulder every night over the same people I hate, but you love. I love you. To pieces.” Y/N’s eyes welled with tears yet again.

“I love you, too. To pieces. Thank you, for everything.” The girl crumpled in the boy’s arms as he picked her up and brought her in the house. Her gaze rose to the sky once again. “At least I will always have the rain and Thommy.”

#thomas raggi #thomas raggi fanfiction #thomas raggi imagine #thomas raggi x reader #maneskin #maneskin fanfiction #maneskin x reader #maneskin imagine #thomas maneskin

[ofpineapplesanddawns]

I had this prompt in my head for who-knows-how-long but Aziraphale looking after a sick Crowley. Thanks so much :)

Sounds like a good prompt!

Warning: sickness

On with the fic!

--

It was almost like a sense that had Aziraphale showing up outside of Crowley's door, a sense that something was wrong. He made his way in without the key and made his way right to Crowley's room. He smelled the scent of sweat and the feeling of being upset and uncomfortable as he walked into the room.

He found a curled up lump of a demon in the middle of the large bed, wrapped up in blankets, shivering. "Crowley?" Aziraphale asked, approaching and taking a seat.

"Nrr..." Came the grumble from the lump on the bed.

"Can you come out?"

"Yeeesss..." The lump moved closer and Crowley poked his head out, goodness! He was so pale and sweaty, and looked dreadful!

"What in the world happened to you?" Aziraphale asked.

Crowley groaned as he sat up. "Got... blessed when I sneezed." He coughed. "By a nun."

"Oh dear..." Aziraphale winced. It was rare for a demon and an angel to get sick, but the oddest of ways could give them a nasty cold or the flu. He put his hand to Crowley's forehead, frowning deeply. "You're running a terrible fever."

"Tell me somethin' I don't know..." Crowley hissed, sticking out his tongue at the angel before pulling the blanket over his head. "I just wanna diiiiiieeeee..."

"Not happening." Aziraphale tutted and helped him out of bed, noticing the demon was naked. Oh, he was too sick to even bother with conjuring and keeping his clothes on. "Time for a nice hot bath, and while you're soaking, I'll make you some tea and soup."

Crowley just made an odd noise from his mouth and shuffled to the large bathroom off his bedroom. The angel sighed and helped him to get in and got the water started. "Now, relax but don't fall asleep, alright?"

"Yeah." Crowley mumbled, letting his head rest on the back of the tub.

"How long ago did you get blessed?"

"Mmm... what day is it?"

"Tuesday."

"Sunday."

"Oh, that makes it worse." Aziraphale frowned again, tapping at his chin. "Going to need to make a very special soup then, and my best tea."

Crowley groaned. "This is 1743 again, isn't it?"

"Sort of." The angel gave an awkward smile. "But that was a priest and you were sick for a week! Luckily, I still remember the recipe."

The demon just looked at him with a miserable expression, but that didn't stop Aziraphale from giving him a kiss on the cheek and made his way to Crowley's kitchen.

Luckily for him, this was a simple soup, minus one ingredient. The tea itself was more of just a little thing that Aziraphale figured would be soothing for the demon, and for Aziraphale himself. He started that up first before gathering up what he needed, he'd have to let Crowley help him with the last bit, too risky for him to handle it.

As Aziraphale worked, he heard a shuffling sound coming into the kitchen. He turned to find Crowley, hair damp, and wrapped up in a robe. "Ah, just in time, dear boy! Could you give me a hand with this, I need the special ingredient."

"Special wha?" Crowley slowly blinked, then looked at the bubbling pop. "Oh, yeah, soup."

"Demon soup, dear. It'll fix you right up! Well, it'll help you get on the road to recovery, you should be better tomorrow after some soup and a nap."

Crowley nodded and approached the pot, flicking his wrist and hellfire suddenly appeared in his palm. Aziraphale was quick to move to the other side of the room when he did this, watching carefully. Crowley put it into the pot and it suddenly let out a horrific scream. And then it stopped and went back to bubbling like before.

"Seems like that should do it!" Aziraphale said with a nervous lap and snapped his fingers, thick, rubber gloves used for dealing with dangerous chemicals. "Now, take a seat, drink your tea, and I'll have this ready for you!"

The demon nodded again and sat down at the table, sipping loudly from the cup that had been waiting for him. Aziraphale rolled his eyes at the behavior before getting a bowl ready, while being extremely careful not to get any on himself. The hellfire would be muted, but it would still hurt like the dickens if it got on him!

He brought over the bowl, smiling brightly at Crowley and set it before him. Crowley mumbled his thanks before tucking in. "You didn't have to do this, coulda just dealt with it like I've done in the times you weren't around."

"Oh pish posh, Crowley." Aziraphale replied as he sat down. "I felt something was wrong and had to make sure you were okay, and I'm glad I did. I know how much you hate being sick."

Crowley paused, glancing at Aziraphale. "You... sensed something was up?"

"Of course I did, dear boy. You're not the only one who can, especially in regards to someone you care about so deeply."

The demon's face went from pale to pink and he looked away, deciding to slurp his soup instead. Aziraphale just smiled, a little proud of his bastard moment.

#john's drabbles #good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley #anthony j crowley #aziraphale

[real-fanta-sea]

(hold me for) five more minutes, please

Hello! Here I come with a new addition to the Trikey kiss collection, this time prompted by the lovely @samphiresea - I'm sorry it took me so long! I hope the fic itself will make it worth the wait 😊

the prompt was this: I’d love to see 43/44, soft/tender kisses

I played around with it and actually made it post-ending B Hurt no Comfort (but the soft kiss is there I swear), sooo be aware there are no happy endings for our boys here. Otherwise, it is suitable for anyone who doesn't mind a couple of f words.

Find the fic under "keep reading" or here on my AO3. I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it! 😊

The night wrapped around him like a deep blue silk scarf, and Trevor let it pinch goose bumps into his skin while he took another swig of lukewarm beer. The moon was full and shone as a diamond sitting on top of a tiara of mountains above Sandy Shores, drawing the residual heat from the ground and shivering crickets. It would have been an understatement to say Trevor wasn't fucking tired and wanted to doze off. Yet, for once, he was caught up in awe of stars and all that inky celestial shit he often bullied Michael for, so he opted to remain sat in a folding chair on the otherwise repulsive Alamo Sea shore, watching the stars crawl by.

The other reason he didn't want to sleep just yet was not so visible yet inevitable and came to haunt him every time he closed his eyes for more than five minutes. Trevor was no stranger to nightmares, quite the opposite - terrors sticking to him by cold sweat and dirty sheets were his oldest friends. He learned to coexist with them early on and absorbed them as funny little alternate universe takes, as, for most of his life, the waking state wasn't much better than them anyway. But the one that occupied his brain lately? Oh boy, that was really something - and only huffing gas or falling to bed tripping his balls seemed to help.

How many nights had he spent sitting like that since the big one, avoiding the inevitable? Trevor could hardly tell. At first, he tried to keep track by putting out stars with his thumb, mind running back to North Yankton summers and youthful laughter next to him till the Red Wood he forgot about while reminiscing bit his lip. Yet no matter how many burns he collected, the punctures in the night's gown always reappeared the following night - an obscure reminder of the finality of earthly life, unlike the celestial eternity. It was funny, really. Ridiculous. Something he wanted to laugh about so desperately he always ended up heaving his lungs out in explosive fits of wailing.

More often than not, Trevor found himself looking up to the sky - just the way Michael always did - and did his best to catch up with the appeal of all the colours and hues, all shapes of clouds and constellations. He told himself he did it to wind down, to process everything that happened, but if Trevor were honest with himself, he did it to drown out the guilt of not protecting him by doing what they could have been doing together. Michael could have laid next to him on the slowly cooling hood of his Bodhi with his finger pointed towards the stretch of blue. He could have talked about his latest movie, excited and beaming brighter than the sun, and Trevor would have laid on his side, watching his crow's feet and corners of his mouth move - and it would be enough. But Michael wasn't there - not the way Trevor wanted him to be. If he were to believe something, it was that Michael was part of that vast blue canopy stretched over the horizon, as cold as the first glimpse of dawn and just as unattainable.

Trevor yawned and threw the empty bottle into the water. It splashed, angry ripples running in a perfect circle before they disappeared, and the only reminder of its existence was a couple of bubbles on the surface. It was pulling him in against his better judgement - the sound of popping and the glint of glass disappearing with his attention in tow under the surface as if he never stopped holding the damn thing. His eyes followed it till he felt his traitorous lids fall heavily, and that was it - he failed to fight off the sleep and emerged into the darkness.

*****

A bright ray of light burned into Trevor's eyelids, making him stir. He blinked it away with a growl and eventually sat up, instinctively reaching up to brush cigarette butts and ash out of his hair, but found none - in fact, his hair felt uncharacteristically soft, not greasy or messed at all. When Trevor groggily looked around, he almost didn't recognize the room he was in. Tiny dust particles glistered in the bright morning sun, illuminating the hot pink duvet and a swirl of blanket underneath, reflecting rainbows where his fingers dragged along the smooth seams. The bedframe was new, sturdy and broader than the old one, and the soft new mattress outright threatened to swallow him whole.

When he regained enough consciousness to continue his inspection, he noticed the old brutalized closet next to the bed was also replaced by a bigger and newer one, as well as the nightstands and lamps. He could tell the new design was clearly not his choice - the furnishing was rather industrial looking, all black iron of sharp edges and pink painted panes. Stooping deeper into confusion, he peeked at the opposite wall, and of course, the TV was gone, replaced by a chest of drawers with a mirror on the top. Trevor spotted a couple of cologne bottles and other assorted cosmetics, and, his curiosity peaked, stumbled forward to inspect the unnecessary paraphernalia. Once again, he dragged his fingers on the surface, relishing in the clacking of the plastic colliding, when he caught a glimpse of his appearance and stopped in his tracks immediately.

Oh shit. Trevor looked... well, he looked well looked after, as if someone put genuine care into making him presentable. Instead of the crazy stubble, his only friend on lonely nights, his face was cleanly shaved except for a small stylish moustache perching above his lip. Gone were the bags under his eyes, and for once, he believed he had a good night's sleep. And were those new lines around his mouth? Trevor poked at them idly, not able to believe laughter could mark him in just one night. Or could it? He wasn't sure anymore. A pang of trepidation hit him like a ton of bricks. The Trevor he saw in the mirror looked happy - and the real Trevor was never meant to be happy.

He had a bit of trouble with the curtain that served as the door to the sleeping area. He managed to push through it by throwing his hands around like a mad windmill, but when he finally stood in the middle of the sunlit room, the sight petrified him. It wasn't the clean new furniture or the sleek new TV with loads of DVD boxes put away in neat little towers. It wasn't the new wallpaper and stylish lighting or the fluffy couch and bookcase behind it, full to the brim with books and chubby cacti. It wasn't the snug kitchen island with two bar stools and the simple decorative bowl with fruit - real fucking edible fresh fruit, now that was new. It was the man in apron standing with his back turned to him, whistling.

Please, don't turn around. I can't go through with this again. Please don't. I need to wake up. Please don't turn around.

"Oh hey there, sleepy head!"

Upon hearing the familiar voice, Trevor's heart sunk so deep into his stomach that he feared if he moved an inch, his whole being would fall through the floor and land right in hell. Instead, he gulped the anxiety spreading through his emptied ribcage and watched the man turn around and chuckle after a short moment of clearly being taken aback by Trevor's expression.

"Now, now, T, you look like a deer in headlights." His eyes, those sky blue eyes Trevor wanted to worship just for looking at him as if he was someone desirable, twinkled with something wild and wicked as he leaned his head to the side and grinned, wiping his hands into a towel. "Was daddy too hard for you last night?"

Trevor's feet both trembled in panic and stood still. It was diabolical, the itching and pricks under his skin and the absence of control over his limbs to run away and scatch it. Instead, he stood there and watched Michael slowly close the distance between them, his frame locked in loose jeans and a white tank top ethereal in the morning light. When Michael lavishly put his arms around his shoulders and bit his lip, eyes on Trevor's lips, it felt like someone sucked all air out of his lungs and broke his ribs with it.

"To my defence," Michael's cologne mixed with a hint of tobacco pierced right through Trevor's brain and sent sparks through his every nerve, "you are so fucking hot when you're begging and moaning - I couldn't help it."

"M..Mikey?" Trevor could feel how his whole body vibrated with Michael's low-pitched voice. His own voice, high and choked, sounded pathetic in comparison.

"Hmm?" 

There was a faint tickle of Michael's beard before his lips sent shock waves through Trevor's skin. The ripples of the faint touch on his neck picked up and crashed right in his groin, and Trevor gasped.

"N-no, don't do that, Michael."

"Uh, why not?" Michael stood impossibly close to him, his arms still held him in a secure embrace, and the warmth he emitted drove Trevor crazy with want. "Are you ok, T?"

"Yes. NO. I don't know."

Michael shot him a quizzical eyebrow but then opted for a grin and unconsciously began to slick Trevor's hair back to an illusion of hairstyle. "You truly are a personification of eloquence, aren't you, mister Santos?"

Trevor blinked away the prickle of tears, and his throat squeezed tight. "We... we are married?"

"Trevor, what is this all about? Are you sick? Did you bang your head on the headrest last night, and now you have amnesia?" Michael's voice was tense with worry, the back of his hand carefully pressed into Trevor's forehead.

"No, I'm not sick, Mikey, I'm..." he couldn't keep the sigh in when Michael's hand slid down his face and gently cupped it. "I'm afraid, so fucking afraid..."

Michael rubbed tiny circles into his shoulder and let his thumb run across Trevor's cheekbone. His eyes shone with everything Trevor had ever wished for - affection, happiness, worry for him, for him of all people. He had to gulp down the gaze. "I'm terrified to wake up from this."

"Trevor," the strict edge to Michael's voice made Trevor shiver, but his touch didn't falter. "Have you been smoking crack again? Because I thought we had already had enough talks about it and -"

"What? No! But you don't understand, Michael!" At last, Trevor's hands moved, and he brushed them along Michael's sides to squeeze his shoulders and hold on for dear life, pink apron crumpling under his fingers. "This is a dream. Life, this perfect life with you, is nothing but another cunningly sweet way for my brain to try to drive me insane, and when I wake up, it's always in the world where this place is a dump, and you're... you're..." words caught at the tip of his tongue. "For fuck's sake, Michael, you are dead!" Oh fuck, and there it was again - the wetness spreading in tiny lines down his cheeks and disappearing into the fabric of Michael's top, making it translucent. "You are dead, gone, buried, and I..." Trevor's head fell to Michael's shoulder, not caring about letting out heaving sobs and torrents of tears. "I still love you so fucking much it's killing me!"

The world around them shrank into a bubble filled with Michael's warmth as he let Trevor ruin his top, and the scent of cedar and tobacco hidden away under Michael's jaw that Trevor latched onto like a lifeline. Michael's hands were everywhere and nowhere at once, gently brushing his spine and ruffling his hair, his lips planting feather-light kisses to the crown of his head. Trevor, for a second, let doubt creep up his mind, thinking it was good everything he experienced at the moment was nothing but a fabrication of the night. His Michael, the real Michael, would never allow him to break down like that, not to mention ride it out in his arms and ruin his clothes. When he dared a glance up, Michael brushed his cheek and smiled, a sweet, slowly blooming movement of his lips that made his eyes crinkle at the edges.

"Hey, there, handsome."

"Hey." Trevor sniffled and did his best to mirror a fraction of the smile that lit up the whole room, straightening back up slowly.

"You had one of your nightmares again, right?" Michael's fingers slid down to his chin and gently pulled him forward. "Well, how about I show you how dead I am, baby?"

The first touch of his lips, soft and almost chaste, sent ripples through reality, stopping time. Trevor's body suddenly felt like molten gold, ready to be poured into the mould of Michael's mouth, and he let it flow, enveloping his lover's form from all angles, chipping away crumbs of the succulent treat under him. Michael moaned softly into the kiss and ran his fingers through the scalding metal Trevor became, reshaping him with a tremble of his lips and the way he savoured being slowly burned alive. So unlikely of him, Michael didn't press to deepen the sensation - he scraped the surface of Trevor's rapidly building want gently, with care, slowly.

"Mikey, please..."

Trevor gasped when Michael peeled off his lips for a second, only to reclaim them under a different angle. Above them echoed thunder out of the blue sky, and Trevor desperately pressed against Michael in hopes it would work this time, that they won't be separated. He screwed his eyes shut against the bright light flooding their trailer as the roof of it flew clean off as if someone had cut it. He grasped a fist full of Michael's silky hair and buried fingers under his belt to fight the grip an invisible power got on him and pulled him towards the sky. When their lips parted, he already was pulled feet first into the light, looking back down at Michael, who grasped his hands and squeezed them in horror.

"Mikey, please, please come with me! Don't leave me again!"

The blood was rushing into his ears, and the angry buzz of the light tuned out what Michael had said - his puffed-up lips were moving, and Trevor's heart almost stopped when he saw tears collecting in his eyes, but he couldn't hear him. He couldn't hold on.

"MIKEY!!!"

His fingers gave in, and the vacuum sucked him into the nothingness with incredible speed. The trailer, Michael, Sandy Shores, and the whole earth was soon reduced into a tiny blue-green spot, and when he blinked, it disappeared entirely in a gigantic explosion that boomed through the universe. The shock waves full of debris flew through the empty space, closing in on him. The last thing Trevor could do was to shield his eyes and scream till his throat was silenced by the impact.

"MIKEY!"

Trevor woke up with a sport, his spine immediately bitching because of the weird angle he fell asleep in. He blinked rapidly, not entirely sure where and what he was or whose body he returned into, and promptly stumbled right into gold plated waves of the Alamo Sea. A moment of splashing and cursing later, he sat upright, water gently lapping on his breasts. The sky mocked him with a pale pink glint, the sun peeking over the horizon, bringing another insufferable day without Michael. Trevor ran his hand down his face and punched the water, only to land on a familiar object with a growl.

Right back at him stared the bottle he threw into the water not four hours prior. Yeah. Just what he needed when he was on the verge of a fucking breakdown. A solid proof Michael was just an illusion to be savoured for a moment and then be forcefully torn out of his arms. Trevor's heart kicked about in his chest and pumped out thousands of pictures he could watch on the dark background of his closed eyelids like it was a fucking film. Michael's warm smile, his fingers, his eyes, his lips closing in, the way he slid his arms around his shoulders. Trevor trembled and desperately tried to push the memories out with the balls of his hands but merely made them burst with colours. There was nothing else left for him but to suffer through the aftermath and hope that he won't fall back into the pit of unfulfilled desires the next night. And as the quiet morning in Sandy Shores emerged into its full meaningless glory, it did so laced with heavy, pained sobs of a broken man.

#trikey #gta v #trevor philips #michael de santa #gta v fanfiction #gta v fic #kiss prompts

[radiorenjun]

carnations have thorns too || hrj

¤ pairing: huang renjun x reader

¤ genre: fluff, comedy, angst, college! au, childhood friends to lovers !au, friends to lovers! au, step brother's best friends! au, established relationship! hanahaki au! elements of enemies to lovers au!

¤ synopsis: after years and years of hopelessly pining for your step brother's best friend since you were six years old. life for you had gone from stealing roses from mrs. wong's garden to having sushi picnic dates on the park every thursday. to stop you from getting small  for the sake of giving him roses, an eight year old renjun told your six year old self that he preferred carnations instead of roses. what he failed to tell you at that moment was that carnations have thorns too.

¤ warnings: angst, signs of unrequited love, heartbreak, swearing, mentions of blood, crying, arguments, mentions of loss of family member, mentions of coughing up blood, yangyang is a slightly shitty brother, renjun is sort of an ass, a character has a severe heart condition, MAJOR character death, mentions of parental abandonment, character death, SPOILERS FOR THE PENTHOUSE,  throwing up petals and flowers, hospital scenes, accusations of cheating mentioned, neglection.

¤ word count : 28k

¤ a/n: special thanks to @lebrookestore for making the header and @roochcooch​ for beta reading this fic ♡!!

¤ DISCLAIMER: listen to this playlist to make your reading experience even better -> ♡

i. mrs. wong was more than happy to see young love blossom unlike her stolen roses

“Renjun! Renjun, look!” a seven year old you beamed as you ran up towards where the said boy and your step brother were leaning against the tree in your backyard with the nintendo DS on their hands. “Did you steal another flower from Mrs. Wong’s garden again?” your brother, Yangyang, laughed incredulously as he looked up from his nintendo DS for a brief moment to see the two ruby red roses in between your palms. “I wasn’t talking to you,” you deadpanned, shooting him an intense glare as you gave Renjun, the boy you were incredibly fond of, the roses in your hands. 

“For you, my prince,” you said in a dramatically posh voice, sitting down as Renjun let out a small chuckle, shaking his head at you as he grabbed the roses from your palms with a pair of delicate fingers to prevent himself from getting pricked by the thorns on the stems. “You should really stop stealing from your neighbours garden, you’re lucky Mrs. Wong thinks you’re adorable or else you’d be dead by now,” he mumbled as he kneeled to reach your hands, examining the small cuts you got from sneaking around to pick those roses for him. 

You shook your head, a wide grin filled with adoration never leaving your face as you stared into his concerned expression. “I like stealing roses for you,” you said, innocence and naivety lacing your tone as Renjun sighed heavily. “Gross, don’t act like that in front of me. Renjun, come here and help me find this gym badge for me, you’ve already passed this one right?” Yangyang shook his head, not looking up from his DS as he watched his chynx evolve on the screen, a hand mindlessly reaching into the basket of treats his dad had set up, fingers grabbing a small package of bubble gum.

“Later, I’ll drag your sister inside to patch her up,” the older boy responded, hand wrapping around your wrist as he gently pulled you back inside. You grinned childishly, sticking your tongue out teasingly at your step brother, earning an annoyed roll of his eyes. Following Renjun into the living room, he sat you down on the couch as he looked into the kitchen cabinets, scurrying through it to grab the first aid kid. “Y/n, I’m serious, you shouldn’t steal anymore even if it is for me,” Renjun informed you rather sternly, a soft expression spreading across his face as he plopped himself on the couch next to you, crossing his legs on the cushions as he reached over to grab your hands. 

Shaking your head as you watched Renjun pour some alcohol into a cotton pad before lightly dabbing against the small wounds on your skin from the thorns. “As much as I love getting flowers from you, you can’t keep hurting yourself like this. Plus, stealing is bad, you’ll get in trouble for real one day,” Renjun pressed his lips together in a thin line as he reached over to grab a few bandaids, his touch gentle on your skin as he applied a bandaid on the gash on your palm. “You like them, right? There’s no harm in me getting more everyday if so,” you shrugged nonchalantly. 

Your immense crush on Renjun wasn’t subtle in any way, as a matter of a fact, you’ve vividly started showing your fondness towards the older boy who was merely two years older than you the moment Yangyang had introduced you to him a year ago. When your mother left you with your stepfather, aka Yangyang’s father, the only person who had comforted you during your loneliest moments was Renjun despite the fact that his best friend used to have a clear distaste for you at the time. Ever since he had comforted you and made Yangyang apologize for being a mean brother, you couldn’t help but feel some sort of admiration towards the boy. 

You didn’t know when you had started sneaking into Mrs. Wong’s garden to pick from the rose bush of her gardens, but the moment you saw her awed expression when you told her the reason why you were stealing her roses in the first place was enough to reassure you that it wasn’t that big of a deal. Clearly Renjun thought otherwise the moment he saw your hand filled with small scrapes. 

Renjun shook his head at your stubbornness. “You’re so stubborn, you shouldn’t do bad things to yourself just for me, I feel sad that you’re getting hurt because of me,” he explained, his words causing you to frown as you looked down at your hands, letting Renjun apply more bandaids to the other hand as you mumbled a small apology under your breath to show how genuinely sorry you felt. The older boy looked up from your hand to the pouting expression on your face, something churning in his own chest at the sight of you being sulky as he sighed heavily in a silent attempt to curse himself for feeling guilt over scolding you for something for your own good.

“Besides,” he started, causing you to lift your head up to look back up at him.”I don’t really like roses anyways,” he shrugged, causing you to light up slightly. “You don’t like roses? Why didn’t you tell me?” you exclaimed, smacking the side of his arm, completely forgetting about how upset you were a few seconds prior. “What's your favorite flower? I’ll steal them from Mrs. Wong’s garden.” The awed, determination spread across your face was enough to show Renjun that you were more than serious and that you would, without hesitation, steal flowers just for him. Which was enough for the boy to rack through his mind to remember one of the flowers he was fond of but wasn’t a part of Mrs. Wong’s garden. 

Poor woman was losing five flowers as each day went by and you were the only one behind it. 

“I-” Renjun stuttered, the cogs and screws turning loudly in his brain as you blinked innocently at him in anticipation. “I like carnations?” he almost said it as if he was asking himself, unsure if your neighbour even had these flowers growing in her garden. “Carnations? What do they look like?” you asked, tilting your head to the side in curiosity and confusion. Renjun then placed the small bottle of alcohol back in the first aid kit before letting out a small ‘uh’ as he tried to recall the shape of the said flower he had seen on some random weekend with his parents. 

Scratching the back of his head in confusion, he furrowed his own brows as he attempted to recall. “The ones I like are yellow, they have petals just like the ends of the dress you wore to my parent’s barbeque. It’s like a rose, but prettier!” He exclaimed, not 100% knowing what in the living world he was going on about. “Also, roses have thorns too! I think you should stop picking them unless you don’t want me to get hurt too, you know?” he sputtered out, instantly changing the subject as you furrowed your brows in wonder. “Maybe Mrs. Wong has them growing around in her-”

“No!” 

Your eyes shot open at his sudden remark, causing both of your eyes to widen before Renjun let out a nervous chuckle. “It’s a flower that you can only find in other places like Italy and Greece!” he exclaimed with an affirming nod, even though he really does favor yellow carnations over any other flower, he was sure that half of the things spewing out of his mouth are utterly nonsensical, but what’s the harm in lying when it’ll keep you out of trouble. 

“When I grow up, I’ll give you lots and lots of yellow carnations then,” you beamed, stretching your arms wide as you tossed them into the air to emphasize your terms of ‘lots and lots’. Renjun simply chuckled at this, shaking his head before patting your head softly with an understanding nod. 

None of you realised that what he had failed to inform you was that carnations have thorns too. 

ii. yangyang can suck his own dick for all i care 

 “Remind me how long you’ve been in love with this man again?” 

“Since I was six years old, how many times do you want me to say it? I know you get off to it but that doesn’t mean you could call me in the middle of me doing physics just to make me repeat what you already know, prick.” You groaned against the telephone, pressing your knuckles against your temples as you closed your eyes with a heavy sigh, ignoring the physics notes you had jotted down for the past three hours as Olivia Rodrigo going ‘one step forward and three steps back’ penetrated your eardrums mercilessly through the speakers repeatedly. A loud snort could be heard from the other side of the line as your step brother snickered away like the cheeky asshole he was. 

“I know, I just wanted to hear your simp of an ass say it again,” Yangyang sighed, the sound of his keyboard clicking aggressively, harmonising with his voice. “Why are you so surprised to hear Renjun and I are finally going out, isn’t it weird for you to hear that your best friend and your sister are seeing each other?” you deadpanned, placing your phone down and putting his call on speaker so you could multitask. “More importantly, why are you calling me? I’m literally in the room next to yours,” you added with furrowed brows, scratching out the mistake you accidentally made on your note with a pen, internally cursing at your professor for being too much of an ass to assign you with documents to refer to instead of actually teaching the class. 

Yangyang let out a small ‘fuck’ as you could hear noises of him dying on the battlefield. “Weird? For me? You’re talking to the person who basically witnessed you literally- no, you deadass cried a shit ton when you were in your last year of primary because you saw Renjun holding hands with another girl, nothing’s weird to me anymore in this life,” he rolled his eyes, letting out a loud scream as an enemy popped up out of nowhere, the way his mic peaked made you wince. You groaned as the memories of you scratching and scribbling curse words on your diary out of pure heartbreak glossed through your mind, rubbing your face in frustration as you recalled actually full blown sobbing when you realised Renjun got his first girlfriend and that girl wasn’t you. 

“Just because you remember it doesn’t mean you should bring it up and make me remember, asshole,” you groaned, lightly tapping your forehead as you tried to bonk the memories out of your head. “I live to make you remember dark, repressed memories,” he joked with a snort, his words accompanied with the sound of his finger aggressively clicking the mouse on his desk. “Plus, it’s just pretty surprising to see him ask you out after, like, 15 years of you shamelessly pinning after him like Bojack pining over Diane for like the entirety of the first three seasons of Bojack Horseman,” Yangyang shrugged, leaning back against his gaming chair as he waited for his game to reload to a new match, putting an arm behind his chair as he clicked his tongue. 

Cracking your knuckles, you massaged your right hand with your left hand to ease some of the built up tension. “The hell is that supposed to mean?” you asked incredulously, pressing against the muscles of your palm as you stared back into your laptop screen where the document your professor had sent you shone brighter than Aladdin’s World. “It’s just pretty weird how you’ve been pinning and burdening him with your ass for like the past fifteen years, dude you called him a ‘fuck boy’ for supposedly ‘playing with your feelings’ throughout middle school because he was in a relationship with that girl. Then just one day, he just walked up to you and asked you out on a date?” Yangyang asked, his words holding small unintentional daggers to seep through your chest. 

“This is why I like Renjun over you, you couldn’t have worded that any better, Yang?” you grumbled, attempting to mask your hurt with annoyance as you rolled your eyes at him. “Sorry,” Yangyang mumbled back in response before lightly clearing his throat to break the awkward tension, “I do have a point, don’t I? He’s basically your babysitter throughout your high school years and now that you’re in your first year of college you’re suddenly going out? Kind of sus, y/n,” your brother shrugged nonchalantly, reaching over to the bowl of candy on the nightstand beside his desk, unwrapping the plastic and plopping the sweet treat into his mouth. 

“Are you implying that he’s playing with my feelings or something? Kind of low for you to assume so of your best friend,” you were starting to feel uncomfortable with where the conversation was going, it was almost too ominous. “No, no, Renjun isn’t the type to do that. But his last relationship, aka the one you had shit on for the most part of middle school, was also his first real relationship. The man was head over heels for that girl for as long as I could remember,” your brother explained, waving his head off before dropping it carelessly on the table when he realised you couldn’t see him. “Oh, so you’re basically calling me a rebound?” you deadpanned, tapping your nail against the wooden board of your desk. 

There was a loud snap of Yangyang’s fingers, “that’s the word! Yeah, rebound!” 

The way those words flew so easily out of his mouth made you want to kick him where the sun didn't shine. “Aren’t you being such an amazing brother right now? You deserve a medal, truly,” you stated with a sarcastic tone, clearly upset by his words. “Plus how the hell am I supposed to be a rebound? Didn’t his ex-girlfriend leave for China or something a couple years ago right before your senior year of high school?” you asked, scratching the back of your head as you scratched out another word from your notes. Yangyang scoffed simply, shaking his head. 

“Oh you clearly don’t know Renjun, dude. Literally, the poor guy was playing a The Notebook. He was going to wait for ages for her and honestly, I actually thought he would with how long it’s been since she’s left,” Yangyang shook his head, causing your heart to feel even more heavy than it was moments prior to this conversation. Looking up at your wall, you stared longingly at the picture frame hanging on your wall. Inside of the frame was a picture of you on Renjun’s back as he gave you a piggy ride when you were both at summer camp, smiles wide and open as Yangyang attempted to throw mud at the two of you from afar (you can clearly see a blurry figure of the boy running after the two of you with a wet pile of mud in his hands). 

“Listen, I know you may think I’m somewhat of an asshole for telling you in such a joking manner but I’m being serious,” his tone grew stern with concern, his teasing tone evaporated into thin air as you bit your lip and looked down at the pen flipping in between your fingers. “You really think I’m your best friend’s rebound? Come on, Yangs, we’ve all known each other since we were kids. I’ve been in the little sister zone for a large portion of my big, fat crush on him and I never hid it in any way, do you really think he’s doing this just to get over a girl he broke up with almost four years ago?” you chuckled nervously, taking the information in with a grain of salt despite your words. 

You were trying to convince yourself, not Yangyang. “I guess Renjun isn’t the type of person to use you out of all people as a rebound but I still don’t trust this, it’s been a while since I’ve really asked him who he’s into,” you could hear the doubt in Yangyang’s voice but you shook any negative thoughts out of your head, not wanting to get upset over something that would ruin whatever relationship had begun with you and Renjun after years of craving it. “But still though, if he does anything. Literally anything, you tell me. I may be a shitty brother and we may not be related but I’m still your older brother, ya know?” 

His words sent a small smile across your face, it was pretty rare for Yangyang to show his concern for you. Though, there was something in the back of your mind that made you doubt his words considering he’s never done anything to prove his concern other than use comforting words, besides, all he’s done so far to prove his concern was leave you at home all alone so he could disappear for days and days for who knows what. Well, he told you he was out partying on the other side of the city but at this point, you didn’t know if you could trust him with his words. But you do know that you could talk to him whenever you needed someone to hear you out. 

“Hey Yang?”

“What?”

“This is exactly why you’re fucking single.” 

“At least I don’t pine for someone hopelessly for almost two decades.”

“At least I wasn’t the one who bought mini crocs for Louis.”

“He looked adorable and you know it, how dare you.”

“Suck c-”

A loud notification from your phone cuts you off abruptly, causing you to look down at the phone screen to see who had contacted you. ‘Speak of the devil’, you thought as a small smile stretched across your face at the sight of Renjun’s contact name popping up on your lock screen. “Are you going to finish that?” Yangyang asked with a small snort, noticing how you had paused on your words all of a sudden. “I’m in love,” you sighed heavily as you opened the chat to see a random picture of Renjun at his art class, it appeared he had accidentally dipped his paintbrush into his tea mug instead of his painting cup again and honestly, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of adoration surging through your veins at this. 

“I know, but at what cost, really?” Yangyang sighed as if he had heard you said this about a thousand times in his life, you can’t blame him thought, after 15 years of harboring feelings for a certain boy you can’t help but express it publicly the moment you’re finally allowed to let those feelings lose like a butterfly in a jar. Not paying any mind to the conversation you and Yangyang had prior to this exact moment, you giggled slightly as Renjun sent a few more pictures of his latest art work along with a few sad emojis to pay respects to his now inedible tea. 

You really couldn’t believe yourself when you realised after 15 years, Renjun finally sees you. Even though nothing much in your relationship has changed other than the fact that you have somewhat of a label now, the fact that you and the boy you’ve been daydreaming about every other day since you were able to daydream was enough to get your heart doing somersaults like those performers in the circus, even though you’ve only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks, it never failed to bring a smile to your face. “By the way, can you get me some Starbucks?” Yangyang’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts, your smile turning upside down instantaneously. 

“Is this why you called me?” you deadpanned, leaning back against your chair as you rubbed the space in between your eyes in irritation. “I literally despise you,” you exclaimed with a laugh of disbelief, shaking your head, disappointed but not really surprised. After all, it’s not like this is the first time he’s done this : call you to check up on you like a genuine older brother should, only to expect you to do something else for him afterwards. You weren’t sure if his start-up talks were genuine concern or just some sort of gimmick to appear not like an asshole, but you’d like to believe that it was genuine. 

Cursing under your breath, you rolled your eyes. “Can’t you order shit like a normal person would?” you asked in true disbelief. “For someone who goes out every night to party, you sure are a lazy dude,” you commented, earning a small ‘pshhh’ from the other line as he shrugged off your comment as a joke. “Is that a ‘no’? I’m giving you this opportunity to go outside and move, little sister. Get yourself a treat while you’re at it, you’ve been working on your notes for way too long anyways.” You could hear the mischievous, shit-eating grin on your brother’s face from across the phone as you stood up from your chair and walked out of your room to enter his, considering his room was literally next to yours. 

The sound of you bursting into his room was enough to make the older boy jump in his gaming chair, head shooting up at you in surprise. “Oh, hell. What the fuck?” he exclaimed, placing a hand on his chest. “Get your own Starbucks for once, prick,” you hissed teasingly, throwing some cash in front of him before hanging up his call in front of him and leaving the room, slamming the door behind you as you returned to your room with that ugly seed Yangyang had planted into your head, waiting for the right time to grow. 

iii. you’ll get hurt if you keep holding it, y/n.

“This one looks fancy, do you wanna try something new?” you asked, lifting a small glass jar with a sparkly, purple scented candle inside of it. 

Renjun had asked you if you wanted to go to the nearest IKEA store to accompany him on restocking his supply of tea and scented candles, of course, you weren’t one to say ‘no’ to Huang Renjun. “Jisung gave me that one before. Trust me, as much as I loved Jisung’s gift, it tasted like absolute shit,” he scrunched his nose in disgust, shaking his head as he surfed through the shelf for the usual brand he had been buying for the past couple of months. Furrowing your brows with a light laugh, you turned to the boy with a look of confusion. 

“Tasted?” you repeated his words with a confused tone, leaning your head to the side as you let out a small giggle. “Fuck- I meant, smelled! See, this is what happens if I don’t get my usual morning tea,” Renjun cursed, rolling his eyes at you with a bashful smile on his face as you both walked to another aisle, trying to spot a certain candle with a familiar black bow on the top of the lid. “Didn’t you order a lemon tea before we walked here at Starbucks?” you asked, pausing in your step as you grabbed a long, twisted peach candle, taking a small sniff before humming merrily at the fresh smell of peaches and vanilla coming from the wax.

The Chinese boy in front of you clicked his tongue, avoiding your eyes as he finally found the brand he was looking for. “I bought it for you, dumbass. I’m a considerate person, you’d think I dragged you to this boring candle shopping session without treating you to some Starbucks? What do you take me for? An asshole?” Renjun mumbled shyly, avoiding your shocked expression to grab three more candles from the shelf and put it in the small basket he was holding. A giddy smile stretched across your face as you felt your heart do somersaults inside of your chest like a performer in a circus. “Is the Huang Renjun being sweet right now? Unbelievable,” you cooed, taking a few steps forward to gingerly pinch his cheeks with glee. 

Renjun pressed his lips together into a thin line to keep himself from getting flustered as he looked down on his shoes. “I think I’d like to go back to that era of our lives where you keep biting my arm like a raccoon whenever I come over,” he muttered under his breath, causing you to gasp dramatically in response. “Is this you admitting that you have some sort of biting kink? How scandalous,” you placed a hand on your chest with wide eyes boring into his, pointing at his face with the long, wonky candle in your other hand. The deadpanned expression on Renjun’s face was enough for you to break out into a small fit of laughter. 

“I physically despise you, get away from me,” he pursed his lips together bitterly as he walked away from you without hesitation and down the aisle to get to the cashier. “Hey, you brought my ‘Renjun Slander’ era, I fight back with Renjun slander,” you exclaimed with a light chuckle as you jogged up to him, grabbing him by the sleeve to stop him from speed-walking away from you. “Why are you touching me? I’m sorry, I don’t know you,” Renjun acted, keeping a straight face as he jokingly shrugged your fingers off of his sleeve before sashaying away to the cashier, where a poor employee was witnessing you waving a single, peach coloured candle in the air as you ran after the sulking boy. 

“I will literally bite you again if you keep saying you don’t know me,” you mumbled, reaching over to poke his sides as you stepped in line right behind him. Renjun flinched at the small touch, a tickling feeling running through his sides as he glared at you almost menacingly before cupping his side (the one you had poked) with his hand before pressing the entirety of his arm against his other side to keep you from poking him in any other ticklish spots of his. “Kinky,” he responded back with a mischievous grin of his own, turning his head back as he wiggled his eyebrows at you, causing you to roll your eyes. 

As the person in front of Renjun finally walked away with his purchase, Renjun set the basket on the counter so that the cashier could scan the barcodes of his candles. “Are you really going to get that candle, though?” Renjun asked, looking back to see you still holding the candle like it was the last cheese stick on the counter. Your head shooting up to make eye contact with him, letting out a small ‘huh?’ before looking down at the candle you were holding in your hand. “Oh, yeah, of course,” you nodded mindlessly, taken slightly aback from the change of topic. 

He reached his hand down to snatch the candle away from yours to put it on the check out counter before fishing out his wallet from the pocket of his jacket. “This too, please,” he told the cashier as he searched through his wallet for his credit card, tapping it on the counter. “Hey, you already paid for the lemon tea, you should at least let me pay for my own candle,” you whined, stepping forward to stand right beside him as you watched the cashier rolled her eyes at you to stuff both of your items into a tote bag as Renjun gave you a soft smile. “I know for a fact that you’re too much of a broke college student to afford this,” he cooed at you, giving a teasing look as he handed his card to the cashier. 

“That is ridiculous, of course I could affor-oh what the actual fuck?” your pupils dilated as you grabbed the candle from the cashier counter before the cashier could actually put it into the totebag to snatch a glimpse at the price above the barcode sticker. Ignoring the mean glare the cashier sent your way, your jaw dropped to the floor at the absurd price on the candle. “That much for a wonky candle?” you exclaimed as Renjun thanked the cashier politely, grabbing the totebag before wrapping his fingers gently around your wrist to pull you out of the store before your mouth could spill out anymore nonsensical bullshit that could get both of you banned from the store. 

“Jesus, how are you able to afford all this? Aren’t you in your last year of art school? Don’t they give you, like, big ass final projects for your last semester? How are you not broke from rent, art supplies and scented candles?” You exclaimed with an incredulous tone, eyes wide as you let Renjun, never letting go of his soft hold on your wrist, walk you down the sidelines of town and into the park where he had parked his car. Renjun chuckled as he reached over the trunk to place his tote bag before pulling out another bag filled with containers of food and small desserts you had prepared for a good time at the park. 

“First tip is to not waste your money to gamble on a game to get 2d characters,” Renjun snickered, handing you the large blanket hanging off of the back seat before closing his trunk. You purse your lips as you could practically feel your own wallet screaming in agreement in your minibag, rolling your eyes at the boy. “Shut up, you don’t understand how it feels to gacha, you don’t even play Genshin Impact. You don’t know how hot Xiao is!” you exclaimed with a pointed look, watching him lock his car with a simple button before leading you to an empty space where the grass was shaded by the leaves of the green trees. 

“Exactly why I refuse to play the game,” he shrugged nonchalantly as you tucked the candle you were holding into your pocket before laying out the blanket across the pale shade of green grass, tugging the ends to get rid of the overlapping fabric. Renjun then laid the bag in the middle of the blanket before sitting down, crossing his legs over each other as he reached his hands into the bag to pull out tupperwares of sushi and sashimi along with a small dessert box you both had purchased an hour prior to your trip to IKEA. “That’s not what you said when your computer failed to download the game,” you snickered, pulling the wonky candle out of your pocket before sitting right beside him and grabbing a pair of chopsticks, not forgetting to hand him one as he clicked open the lids. 

Renjun clicked his tongue as he reached down to grab a piece of sushi with his chopsticks and stuffing it in between your lips to stop you from talking. “I thought we came here to have some quality time with each other, not insult your questionable spending habits,” he replied with a sweet smile, the way his lips curled upwards having a terrible effect on your heart despite his offensive words towards your wallet and pride. Not wanting to talk with a mouthful of food, you simply glared at him as he let out a soft giggle and took a bite of his own. 

Pushing his hair back with his hand, he looked down at the candle you were holding with your free hand that was practically refusing to let it go. “Why are you holding that candle like that? It won’t grow legs and run away from you no matter how much it secretly wants to. For fucks sakes, put the damn candle down,” he swallowed his food down mid sentence to keep himself from choking as he patted your knee in a weak attempt to coax you to releasing your vice on the poor candle, furrowing his brows as he swallowed the food in his cheeks. 

Your eyes lit up at the mention of the candle, completely forgetting that you were holding it as if it were your little child all this time. Humming loudly, you placed your chopsticks on the lid beside the tupperware as you reached your hand into your mini bag to fetch out a small matchbox without a single word coming out of your lips. Grabbing a match from the box, you placed the candle down on Renjun’s lap, silently indicating for him to grab a hold of it while you lit the match. “Trust me, this smells so good,” you said with a bright smile as Renjun leaned over to feed you a piece of raw salmon. 

“Remember the promise I made back when we were still kids before my whole ‘Renjun is a fuckboy’ slander era?” you joked, scratching the tip of the match against the side of the match box repeatedly until a flame ignited the wooden stick. “Which one? You made quite a lot of promises back then,” he chuckled, his eyes crinkling as a flustered smile stretched across his face, shaking his head as he grabbed a bite of raw tuna for himself. “Welp, I’m going to repeat my promise right now, on more serious terms this time, though.” You grinned at him, feeling yourself get a little too giddy. 

Grabbing the candle laying on his lap with the lit match in your hand, you carefully lit it up as you swallowed the fish inside of your mouth. “See this candle?” you grinned, feeling your own heart race at the cheesy words you knew you were about to say to the boy who had his cheeks stuffed with food.

Renjun hummed, nodding as he reached over for the flask on the pocket beside the bag to drink as he silently gestured to you to move on with a small wave of his hand. “I promise to stay with you much like the fire igniting on this candle," your lips curled into a wide smile as you held it close to your face, ignoring how the wax was slowly melting and dripping onto your fingers. You didn't mind though, the way your expression brightened up like the fire in your hands the moment Renjun’s fingers gently wrapped around your hand was almost heartbreaking to see.

The Chinese boy pulled your hand towards his with a soft expression on his face, looking down at the candle with an unreadable expression spread across his features as his pupils watched the fire burn before gazing down at the wax trickling down the candle and onto your hand. Without another word, he pressed his lips together to gently blow out the candle, inevitably putting the fire out in an instant, which caused you to frown.

His fingers slowly pulled away from your hand as a wave of sadness glossed through your eyes at the now smoking candle, your pupils moving from his unreadable expression to the dead candle in your hand. You weren't sure but you swore you saw Renjun give you a soft smile that almost didn't reach his eyes before he looked back down at the food in front of you, you were probably seeing things.

"You'll get hurt if you keep holding it, y/n."

iv. xiao nor xingqiu would approve of you, yeeun.

“How the hell am I going to afford pulling for Xiao?” you groaned, laying your forehead on the counter before laying your phone on the table. Yangyang and his terrible gaming habits had introduced you to this popular RPG game called Genshin Impact when you were hanging out for once, quite ironic how the one time Yangyang decided to spend time with his little sister instead of going out of town for parties or staying over his friends’ place for ‘guys night’ (his words, not mine) he decided to introduce you to an RPG game that elicits a terrible gambling habit. 

Yeeun snorted as she placed the bottle of vanilla pumps beside the other bottles, rolling her eyes as she watched you farm for the gems in the game that allows you to do one pull on the gambling system. “How are you able to afford anything in general? I swear, that Xingqiu acrylic stand in your room did not come from your own wallets with how much college debt you have at the moment,” your best friend snickered, sliding into the staff room with you to exchange shifts with another employee. Ever since you’ve gotten extremely obsessed with this game, you’ve been playing it with every single free time you have, even during lunch breaks at work. 

You rolled your eyes, giving her a pointed look before you looked down at your phone to attack another monster coming your character’s way. “Just because something looks like it didn’t come from my wallet doesn’t mean it did,” you mumbled under your breath, grumbling slightly as you flickered your eyes up at Yeeun momentarily before averting your eyes back down on your phone screen. “Speaking of coming from wallets, that muffin on your hand didn’t come from your wallet either,” you commented with a cheeky grin, gesturing to the blueberry muffin your best friend was unwrapping. 

The girl in front of you paused, glaring daggers at you before rolling her eyes and proceeded to unwrap her muffin. “Hey, this is a cheap muffin. No one’s going to notice. You’re literally on the brink of spending a hundred dollars on a 2d character,” she commented, taking a mouthful of the pastry and narrowing her eyes at you. “Also, you know very well that that acrylic stand of Xingqiu isn’t from your own money,” she pointed out once again, causing you to purse your lips in response. “Fine, Renjun got in line for three hours for me during the limited edition festival on the other side of town, but still!” you exclaimed, ignoring how the reminder of the Chinese boy standing in line for such long hours just so you could get a limited edition merchandise made your heart do somersaults in your chest. 

Rolling her eyes, Yeeun waved her hand at you nonchalantly. “Don’t remind me. I literally went through hell listening to you screaming, crying, throwing up, back flipping your ass off at 3 am because your childhood unrequited first love bought you an acrylic stand of the 2d version of him,” she shook her head in denial, taking another bite of her muffin before shutting her eyes tight as if she wanted to forget the oh-so-dreadful memory from her brain. You almost choked on air at her words as your eyes grew wide with surprise, “the hell do you mean ‘an acrylic stand of the 2D version if hin’?” you asked incredulously. 

“You’re wording it as if Renjun’s some kind of weird narcissist and I’m some kind of creepy stalker,” you purse your lips in mock offense, chuckling slightly to show that you were completely joking. Yeeun let out a light laugh, waving her muffin around with small disagreeing hums. “Renjun is a good guy, don’t get me wrong. But you can’t deny, you were lowkey a stalker back when you were still in the sibling zone,” she commented, giving you a wide, bittersweet grin to emphasize the sardonic tone she used. You let out a chuckle of disbelief, putting an offended hand on your chest. 

“This is slander.”

Yeeun let out a scoff of disbelief. “Dude, come on, tell me straight to my face you did not keep that Xingqiu standee right on your desk beside your laptop because that thing is literally Renjun,” she exclaimed while moving her hands around to dramatize the context of her words. You furrowed your brows, leaning forward in confusion. “Dude, no,” you deadpanned simply with a firm shake of your head. “Dude, yes.” she hummed with a nod. 

“Come on, they’re both short-”

“You’re literally insulting both of their heights, right now.”

“They’re somewhat interested in arts-”

“Xingqiu is literally a nerd.”

“They talk somewhat similarly and they’re both Chinese!” 

You gave her a concerned expression, scrunching your face in confusion as Yeeun gave you enthusiastic jazz hands. “Have you been overworking yourself with all those assignments again?” you asked slowly, enunciating the vowels as if you were talking to some kind of toddler. Yeeun frowned at this, reaching over to smack your hand, making you giggle. “I’m serious! Dude, he literally looks like Xingqiu or maybe that mouse guy,” she said, sitting back down and leaning back against her chair to finally take the last bite of her muffin. 

Furrowing your brows in even more confusion, you replayed her words in your head. “Mouse guy?” you asked with a tilt of your head, earning an annoyed groan from your friend. “You know! The one with the big hat!” she exclaimed, jumping in her seat to make a point like a little child, trying to get her point across. “Did you mean scaramouche?” you asked with an incredulous laugh, pressing the home button on your phone to exit the game considering it drains your battery quite fast when you leave it untouched. “Whatever. The short guy with the bowl cut and extreme anger issues, potato, tomato,” she let out a small ‘pfft’, waving her hand off. 

“Hey, Renjun doesn’t have anger issues!” you exclaimed. Now it was your turn to jokingly smack your best friend on her arm. 

“Sure,” she snorted. “That’s because it's you, girl. Did you really think he would use you to let his anger out? I mean, you’re even more irritating than your brother but deadass, that boy is too soft for you,” she snorted, standing up from her chair as she crumpled the plastic wrapping of the muffin she had just eaten into a ball. “Sure, Yeeun, keep dreaming,” you rolled your eyes, grabbing your phone and turning it back on so that you could text said boy on what to eat later after you finish work for the day and before you could get to class. 

y/n at 11:43: hey whatcha wanna eat today? I was thinking of some good sushi before class, but im down for other stuff. Wbu?  

junnie<3  at 11:44: oh i alr ate. U can just go eat urself today

‘His texts are as short and as simple as always,’ you couldn’t help but think to yourself with a small smile stretched across your face. “Hey, I’m going to go wash up for a bit, okay? Don’t miss me too much,” she winked, snapping her fingers in front of your face to get your momentary attention. “If boss man asks where I went, stop texting loverboy for one second and tell him, I beg of you,” she intertwined her own fingers together in a pleading motion, referencing to how at one point, you were too busy with talking (to a certain boy on your phone) with your boss that you forgot to inform him that Yeeun had class for the day. 

Safe to say, your boss assumed she was skipping work and gave her a good scolding the next day. Of course, you made it up to her by actually covering her shifts and treating her to her favorite ice cream parlor. You let out a soft laugh at the soft memory, shaking your head before giving her a firm thumbs up to reassure her that you won’t make the same silly mistake, sighing heavily in relief, your best friend leaves without another word. The moment she left, you looked back down on your phone to reread Renjun’s text. 

‘Wait, he ate already? It’s not even 12 yet, that’s kinda weird,’ you thought to yourself, looking up at the clock ticking on the wall, completely forgetting that you had a time on the top corner of your phone screen. ‘Maybe he ate food in the school cafeteria?’ you shrugged to yourself.

 y/n at 11:50: wait wha? U ate alr without me? </3 watchu eat tho i thought u didn’t like food from the school cafeteria y/n at 11:50: u said it tastes like rat food LMAO

Putting your phone down on the table, you placed your hands on your cheeks as you looked down at the screen, patiently waiting for his response. “Hey y/n, can you stop playing your games for a moment? The wifi has been a little shit lately and I can’t even access my account,” one of your coworkers called out from the doorway of the staffroom, causing your head to shoot up in response. “Oh, I’m not playing my games, though?” you leaned your head to the side in confusion, earning a small ‘huh?’ from your coworker, who then scratched their heads in confusion. 

“Plus, I’m using my own data,” you added with a small shrug. “That’s weird,” your coworker mumbled under her breath before exiting the staff room. Looking back down on your phone, you realised Renjun had replied back to you, causing you to physically lit up, unlike the flickering, cheap light bulb in the staff room that was the only thing illuminating the terrifying, horror movie-esque room you were in at the moment. 

junnie <3 at 11:56: oh no lmao u right i would never eat cafeteria food. Thats gross 

junnie <3 at 11:57: Ningning brought me some food before I got to school a couple hours ago, u can have lunch without me today I have a few assignments to finish today 

junnie <3 at 11:57: i gtg now tho i have another class in a few minutes 

junnie <3 at 11:58: bye bye <3

Now, there were two things surging through your brain at the moment. One, your mind was practically screaming and screeching at you like a stray cat in an alleyway from the small heart he had sent you at the end of his little ‘bye bye’. Honestly, the effect this boy had on you was astronomical; it was almost too dangerous for your heart. Renjun rarely send you messages that ends with hearts considering you were the one who usually uses an excessive amount of emojis as a form of dramatizing and emphasizing the emotion and context behind your texts (as you call it: the art and essence of texting [insert a few sparkle emojis right here]) and seeing him send one always got your heart in a twist.

You were on the brink of singing Taylor Swift songs to him and you weren’t joking. 

However, the other thing on your mind was simple. 

Who’s Ningning?

“Ningning?” you mumbled to yourself, furrowing your brows. You swore as if you had heard that name before, it sounded so familiar yet so distant to recall. Sending him a small ‘bye bye’ back with a bunch of excessively dramatic heart emojis, you shut your phone off as you tried to recall who this ‘Ningning’ person was. Was it one of his friends? You didn’t recall him ever talking about someone named Ningning before, must be a new friend?

There was something suspiciously familiar with this person’s name that you could not grasp. And frankly, you don’t have the time to grasp it either when Yeeun slumped back into the empty IKEA seat across the wonky table you were sitting on with a heavy sigh. “I saw Brooke and Taeyong having one of their cute ice cream dates again when I went to the restroom. I swear, the universe is trying to shove it in my face that I’m too single for my own good,” she whined, leaning forward to place her chin on the edge of the table as she let out an inhumane noise consisting of weird staggering breaths mixed with a tired groan. 

Smiling softly, you raised your brows, shutting off your phone and tucking it in your pocket before crossing your arms on the table. “Yeah? Sucks to be you, really. The universe really has it out for you and your single ass,” you chuckled, shaking your head in mock sympathy before raising your hand up to lean your chin against your palm. “Come on, you’re a ‘girlboss’, aren’t you? Chin up, best friend, you don’t need no man in your life right now, plus, I don’t think you’ll be able to tackle all of those business assignments while being in a committed relationship,” you snickered, leaning over to pat her head like a little child. 

Minus the fact that she was literally a few months older than you. 

“Bitch, you’re being condescending. Stop it. Or else I’ll literally make a playlist for you and Renjun and make Mitski’s Me and My Husband as the first song on that playlist,” she threatened weakly, swatting your hand away from her head as her eyes glared daggers into your soul. 

“Foul play, best friend,” you responded with a small chuckle of defeat. “My acrylic Xingqiu stand would not approve.”

“Yeah, yeah. Your acrylic 2D boyfriend wouldn’t approve, I know.” 

“That’s Xiao not Xingqiu, there’s a difference. Now you have both Xiao and Xingqiu disapproving of you, hot damn, you’re supposed to be my best friend here.”

v. spoiler filled ramen date nights (SPOILERS FOR THE PENTHOUSE KDRAMA)

“Have I ever told you that I care and trust you with my whole life?” you sighed dreamily, leaning back against the cushions surrounding your figure as you leaned your back against the headboard of your bed. Renjun laughed lightly, shaking his head as he kicked the door close behind him, careful to not spill any of the broth swishing around in the bowls on both of his hands. “Considering the fact that you literally just told me that because I brought you ramen, I wish you didn’t,” he joked, sitting down on the bed beside you, handing you your own bowl of ramen.

You grinned giddily as you started blowing your noodles to cool it off. “What did I miss?” he asked, carefully putting his own bowl in front of him so that he could cross his legs on the bed, eyes looking up at the TV screen showing a scene from the third season of the currently famous kdrama called The Penthouse : War in Life. “Have you finished season two though? Wouldn’t want you to end up getting spoiled,” you asked in a bittersweet tone, leaning your head to the side at the boy who froze in place at your words. 

“Just like how you spoiled the Endgame movie for me,” you added with a sly snap of your fingers, referencing that iconic day of Renjun spoiling Iron Man’s death on his own birthday right in front of you. Renjun almost choked on air at the reminder, dropping his chopsticks in his bowl before cupping his mouth with the back of his hand as he looked away to laugh in embarrassment. “Could you stop bringing that up, I said I was sorry,” he whined, snickering in between his words as he turned his head back to make eye contact. 

The bittersweet smile remained unwavering on your lips, eyes narrowing and diluting right at him as you shook your head innocently. “You were literally ranting about how you hated spoilers and spoiling people before you exclaimed how people were spoiling about-” you cut yourself off by snapping your fingers loudly once again, “iron man’s iconic death scene. But alas, I’m a nice and considerate person, therefore I won’t spoil you anything today,” you reached over to pinch his cheek gingerly as Renjun let out another fit of nervous giggles, swatting your hand away from his face. 

Leaning over to grab the remote, you placed it right beside him. “We can watch whatever episode you had left off, so you don’t ruin your kdrama watching experience the same way you destroyed my endgame watching experience,” your condescending tone was enough for him to let out another snort as he slurped up his noodles. “Hey, I’m good with continuing whatever scene you’re in right now. I know enough information to proceed with whatever the hell is happening on screen,” he exclaimed with a bright smile, smacking his hand on your knee as you purse your lips at the Chinese boy. 

“I still can’t believe Ha Yoon Chul was Rona’s biological father though,” he commented under his breath, shaking his head in awe as he took another bite of his own ramen, blowing out some air when he realised it was still too hot to consume. “I still can’t believe Yoonhee died,” you mumbled as you reached over to press the play button to resume the scene you were watching. There was a sudden pause between the two of you as Cheon Seo Jin started screaming at the top of her lungs on your TV screen, causing you to grimace slightly at the way her voice cracked. 

“Geez, why does she scream so much? And woman still wonders why her vocal chords are on the brink of self destruction,” you commented, scooting back against the pillows behind you to get into a more comfortable position with a small huff as you gathered some noodles to stuff them into your mouth. “Oh Yoonhee died?” Renjun asked, slowly turning his head towards you with an eerie tone, causing you to stop eating midchew to look at him with eyes blinking owlishly. Slurping the last bits of noodles hanging in between the corners of your lips, you pressed your fingers to your lips as you let out a soft laugh. 

“You didn’t know?” you asked incredulously with a mouthful of food. 

“I literally just finished season 2!” the boy exclaimed with a whine, waving his chopsticks around dramatically as he paused to take in the information you had accidentally spoiled for him, snapping the two wooden sticks together as the gears in his head turned. “Wait, if Yoonhee died, then what happened to Rona?” he exclaimed, patting your knee rather aggressively in curiosity as you grinned mischievously. “I don’t mind restarting the whole entirety of season 3, I’m only halfway through anyways,” you said with a nonchalant shrug, exiting off of the episode before switching to the first episode. 

“With how much the writers revived Su Ryeon in the past three seasons, I have faith they’ll find a way to somehow revive her though. She can’t truly be dead,” he muttered under his breath as you pressed the play button on the remote with a soft snort. “We’ll see about that,” you nodded with a bitter laugh, having instant war flashbacks to episode 4 of the third season and how you bawled your eyes out like a newborn baby by the end of the episode. 

With a sigh of disbelief, the Chinese boy sitting beside you shook his head as he took another mouthful of his noodles. “I guess we could call this even for the whole Iron Man spoiler thing?” he smiled sweetly at you in a futile attempt to make you let it go, knowing full well that your stubborn self would never let it go. “You wish. In comparison to Iron Man, Yoonhee’s dead is absolutely nothing. You’ll get over it once we cry unceremoniously to Bae Rona’s reaction to her deceased mother,” you scoffed with a small wave of your hand. 

Sighing heavily once again, Renjun nodded in defeat, succumbing to his fate as he swallowed down the food. “Guess there’s no escaping it,” he shook his head as he focused his eyes on the screen where the penthouse opening theme started to play, majestical cello music harmonizing with some random woman’s voice synchronizing with the storm going on the screen. You both sat there in silence as you watched the episode, fully immersed in the plot as Joo Dan Tae, the main antagonist of the series, concocted a true plan to get himself and the other members of the Hera Club out of prison. 

After about thirty or so minutes into the first episode, you couldn’t help but flicker your eyes to the pretty boy beside you occasionally. A small, genuine smile stretched across your face as you observed his features softly. As creepy as it sounds, you still couldn’t believe that your feelings were finally requited from your first and only love, you couldn’t believe that you were both right here in your room side by side, eating ramen and watching your favorite kdrama (minus the fact that most of the time, said kdrama would make the both of you attempt to resist the urge at throwing whatever was in your line of vision at the tv out of pure rage).

It was almost as if you were dreaming. A dream you wouldn’t want to wake up from, even though you mostly spend most of your time having playful arguments or doing things that you’ve been doing ever since you were kids. It was still unbelievable that the boy beside you likes you as much as you like him (maybe not as much considering you’ve been harboring feelings for the older boy for more than a whole decade, but your relationship was just starting after all, there’s plenty of room for feelings to grow) and the thought of it made your heart all giddy like all over again, truly takes you back to the rather cringe worthy era of you shamelessly stealing your neighbours flowers just for him. 

“Hey Junnie?” you asked quietly, a soft smile stretched across your face as you scooted closer to the boy, leaning your chin on his shoulder, startling him for a brief moment. 

He turned his head towards yours, a charming smile of his own spreading across his face as he stared into your eyes with sparkles of light shimmering his own. He hummed softly in response, completely unconcerned with the fact that both of your faces were barely centimeters apart from each other. “As much as I love our usual penthouse ramen dates, can we change things up a bit occasionally?” you asked rather hesitantly, your voice growing bashful as you wandered your eyes up to his two toned hair, adoring how he had tucked the curled black behind his ears even though they’re practically falling off of it to frame his face like a pretty canvas painting. 

“Dates? So this is what they’re called?” he teased, earning a soft smack on the arm from you in response. The boy laughed in amusement, shaking his head to signify that he was merely joking before reaching over to pat your knee. “Emphasize on ‘changing things’ up, please,” he coaxed with a small chuckle, rolling his wrist around, indicating for you to proceed with your words. Huffing softly, you moved to lean your cheek against his shoulder so that you were facing the tv as well, nuzzling against the fabric of his cardigan as his expensive cologne filled your senses.

“I’ve been thinking,” you started, a giddy smile spreading across your face as you suppressed the need to let out a groan of embarrassment for wanting something so cheesy. “Whenever the stars decide to align and our professors miraculously decide to not burden us with a shit ton of assignments. You have your usual arts project and I have my own stuff and-” you didn’t realise that you were practically rambling before him until he gingerly reached a hand over to pinch your cheek, a habit he had developed over the years of ‘babysitting your childish ass’ as he would say. 

“Stop beating around the bush and tell me,” he laughed lightly. 

“Sorry, I get nervous when I talk about stuff like this,” you grinned bashfully, biting your tongue from saying anything embarrassing as he let out a light giggle. “I was just thinking, maybe we could go to the planetarium sometime whenever college work lightens up? I remember how much you loved astronomy and I like looking at stars, so I thought it’d be good to go there sometime whenever we have some sort of free time,” you shrugged casually despite the fact that your heart was on the brink of bursting out of your own chest. 

After a few seconds of almost agonizing silence, you heard the boy beside you let out a small heartwarming chuckle that almost sent your soul skyrocketing to the afterlife as you felt him lean the side of his head right on top of yours and nodded slowly. “Why are you so nervous? We’ve been to the planetarium before we started seeing each other, there’s no need to get all shy in front of me when we practically went there together before,” he laughed lightly, nuzzling his head against yours as he watched the chaos that is the Penthouse series unfolds on the screen, not even feeling a pinch of anger from the character’s infuriating actions as he usually does. 

Kissing your teeth, you suppressed the urge to smack your head against the pillows behind you. “But that was with Yangyang, I meant like- just the two of us. Plus, the last time we went to the planetarium was during our high school field trip,” you mumbled under your breath, a pout adorning your lips as you gripped the sheets in between your fingers tightly as you basked in embarrassment. “Alright, alright, we can go,” his joyous laughter was like music to your ears as he reached his hand up to ruffle your hair comfortingly, silently reassuring you that he was just teasing. 

At this point, you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling as you leaned closer towards him, the sides of your pinkies making contact as you let out a small giddy hum in response. “I’ll be looking forward to it,” you exclaimed, pulling away from him to give him the happiest expression he’s ever seen on your face. Renjun reached over to pinch your cheek, muttering a small ‘cute’ under his breath before nodding briefly. 

“You know, I-”

There’s the sudden loud ringing of Renjun’s phone, alerting him that someone was calling him. 

Fishing out his phone from the pocket of his cardigan, he spared a small glance at the contact name before instantly swiping up to accept the call without hesitation. “Hello?” he called out, eyes that were filled with adoration merely seconds ago was now filled to the brim with concern and worry as he fell silent to hear the caller from the other line. “Alright, I’ll be right there,” he nodded, pressing his lips together in a firm line as he grabbed the bowl on the mattress as he hung up on the phone, causing you to be slightly taken aback and confused. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked, grabbing your own empty bowl of ramen broth as you stood up alongside him, not forgetting to press the pause button on the remote. “Ningning needs me right now,” he said bluntly as he exited your room to head to the kitchen with you trailing along behind him. “Ningning?” you furrowed your brows, pressing your lips together in confusion as you followed him to the kitchen, placing your bowl on the counter as you watched him place his own bowl in the sink, washing his hands immediately as you heard the sink run. 

“She called to tell me she needs someone to accompany her for a check up,” he informed you, turning off the sink to wipe his hands against the rag beside him, turning around to give you what seemed like a weak smile. “Is she okay?” you asked, slightly concerned considering Renjun has been taking this new friend of his to the hospital every single time you both hung out together. “She always had a weak heart, her condition is getting pretty severe and her parents are far too busy to take her to regular check ups,” he told you as he walked towards the entrance to grab his coat off of the clothing rack. 

“Oh,” was all you could say as you gripped the ends of the sweater you were wearing. “Tell her I said ‘get well soon’, do you need anything before you go?” you asked, sympathizing for a girl you’ve never even met as your thoughts began to wander. You couldn’t even imagine what kind of pain she was in at the moment with her severe medical condition. 

“No, thanks.”

Without another word, without a small ‘goodbye’, Renjun left your apartment, shutting the door close right behind him. 

vi. pov: you’re single as fuck

“Have you seen those cringeworthy pov videos on tik tok?” Yeeun grimaced, scrunching her face as she scrolled through the ‘for you’ page on her phone screen. “I swear, I saw this one where the guy literally spits on the screen, I swear I felt like taking 300 bubble baths at once,” she added on as you leaned over the counter, nodding at a regular customer who was throwing her drink in the trashcan before exiting the cafe. “You’re acting as if you’re rich enough to afford 300 bubble baths with the amount of skincare you spend with your paycheck,” you chuckled as you wiped the cashier counter clean with a wet rag. 

Yeeun rolled her eyes as she leaned her hip back at the edge of the counter. “Hey, you’re on chonky cat tiktok, you don’t have the right to comment on my questionable spending habits,” she leaned over to swivel the nearest stirring spoon in front of your face as you walked towards her to place the cleaning utensils in the cupboard below. “What does me being on a certain social media site have to do with you spending a big, fat wad on toners,” you laughed lightly, leaning over to see whatever was on her phone as she pursed her lips at you. 

“Do you think that this precious, beautiful, pimple-less face is free? Beauty is pain, Y/n. My pain and sacrifice for my own beauty is using whatever money I get from this job to buy shit for my silky-smooth, spotless face,” she pressed her chin on top of her hand, smiling as if she was in line for America’s Next Top Model before frowning abruptly when she saw you holding back a small snort behind your hand, leaning over to smack your shoulder with a small huff of breath. “I physically will eradicate you, not everyone has a loyal boyfriend who’s willing to spend his mommy and daddy’s money on his girlfriend’s skincare,” she hissed, closing her eyes dramatically before forming a tight fist pressed against her cheek. 

“Oh how I wished that I did,” she muttered under her breath, loud enough for you to hear as you let out a small fit of giggles. “Should I invest in a sugar daddy or something?” she asked jokingly with a wide, sarcastic smile, turning her head towards you so fast, you feared that she would get a whiplash from it. Now it was your turn to smack your friend’s arm, you then leaned both of your hands back on the counter before rolling your eyes at your best friend’s comment. “Honestly, I didn’t ask for that limited edition SK2 set, it was more of a gift from Auntie Huang. Plus, it had enough content to last me for a year so I’m not as broke as you,” you hissed with a shake of your head.

Yeeun’s eyes went wide as she placed a hand on her chest and shook her head profusely. “You even call his mom ‘auntie’, you’re basically married at this point,” she gasped dramatically, looking down at her own left hand as if she was the one who was married. “Dude, I don’t think daughter in laws call their mother in laws ‘auntie’,” you snickered, shaking your head as you heard the bells on the door jingle, signifying that someone else had entered the rather half empty cafe. Quickly walking up to the cashier counter, you placed a smile on your face, adjusting your apron as the new customers approached you. 

“Welcome to Neo Cafe, what can I get you today?” 

“Y/n! how have you been, bitch?” Brooke’s bright voice was the first thing that greeted you as you turned your head to see none-other than the infamous couple in your campus. 

Brooke and Taeyong were infamous for their little enemies to lovers dynamic when they first fought over god knows what in the school funfair ceremony. Brooke being a literature student who aimed to write angst-filled romance or mystery novels that resulted in the characters’ efforts going to waste or semi-happy endings that would leave you questioning the meaning of your own existence. Taeyong was one of your seniors; a dance and music major, a rich boy, if you will. He was infamous for setting up most of the music for school events or the radio show the school hosted alongside the host who was also one of your seniors named Moon Taeil.

They’ve gotten together in the most iconically romantic way that almost all the students couldn’t forget the iconic moment of Taeyong accidentally professing his love for the freshman unceremoniously during an episode of the school’s radio, Moon Talks. Poor man was clearly unaware that he was live and sharing his feelings to the whole campus. 

It was an adorable gesture nonetheless. Quite embarrassing for Taeyong, but a sweet accidental gesture.

Ever since the two got together, you haven’t seen much of Brooke considering she was busy with her own share of projects and you were busy with dealing with your own major. “Brooke, Taeyong! Dude, it’s been so long since I’ve seen or talked to you, how have you been?” you asked with a wide smile, thrilled to see your two friends again after weeks of not being able to have a proper conversation with them due to how busy your personal lives had gotten. “Brooke? Taeyong? What the hell are you two doing here?” Yeeun exclaimed, skipping over to the counter to join in on the conversation. 

“We just wanted to visit you guys and you know, catch up a bit,” Taeyong said with a soft smile of his own, earning a soft scoff from his girlfriend. “We just wanted to get coffee before our movie date, Taeyong really wants to see this new marvel movie that just came out,” the girl responded, earning a small pout from your best friend as she placed her forearm on the counter and the other on her hip in mock offense. “I’m offended, you didn’t even make an effort to lie about wanting to see us,” Yeeun shook her head with small ‘tsk, tsk’s coming from her lips. 

You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head. “It’s good to see you too, Brooke,” you said in a sardonic tone before raising your hands up to lay them on the cashier machine. “What can I get you two today?” you asked, tapping your nail against the metal of the machine. “No discounts this time, you two have made me feel single enough with your lovey dovey couple-ness,” Yeeun shook her head, waving her hands around, which made you glare at her softly. “You’re acting as if you’re the one who gave them the discount,” you snorted, shaking your head as you nudged her sides jokingly. 

“You two have not changed at all, I see,” Taeyong chuckled. “Babe, we literally saw them argue over whether jelly is squishy or not two weeks ago,” Brooke exclaimed with an incredulous expression spread across her face as she looked up at the menu written on the chalkboards hanging from the ceiling for all the customers to see. “Oh yeah, speaking of that, did you two come to a conclusion?” the boy gasped at the reminder, truly bewildered that two human beings are capable of arguing about the characteristics of a certain jiggly food. 

Sharing knowing glances with Yeeun, you both looked back at the couple in front of you before shaking your heads in unison. “That conversation isn’t ready for the public, we have chosen to keep the conclusion to that topic highly classified,” you informed with a posh and fancy voice, intertwining your own hands together before giving the two a kind, professional smile along with the synchronized nodding of your best friend. “Please place your order before we have some kind of ominous debate on whether the big bang theory is secretly about sex or space,” she added casually, earning a small smack to her back from you.

“We are not ready to get fired from our job from talking some whack unprofessionally in front of poor unsuspecting bystanders,” you nodded in agreement, letting Yeeun wrap an arm around your shoulder. “Alright alright, I’ll get a caramel macchiato,” Brooke giggled, shaking her head at your silly antics before turning to her boyfriend. “I think I’ll get a-” he answered before letting out a small pondering hum, opening and closing his mouth as he contemplated what to order. “I’ll get an iced americano,” he finished with a tight lipped smile. 

Brooke gave him a pointed look. “Didn’t you have an iced americano this morning already?” she exclaimed, but you typed it in his order anyway. “Another one can’t hurt, now, can it?” he grinned teasingly, laughing nervously as his girlfriend stared daggers into his soul, who then sighed in defeat as soon as you finished inputting their orders in the cashier. “The price is on the monitor in front of you, would you like to pay in cash or card?” you asked, placing your cheek against your palm as Yeeun ran off to prepare their order the moment she heard their order. 

A few moments passed as you attempted to start up another conversation with the two considering it was a quiet day in the cafe, you didn’t have much to do anyways and Yeeun was still busy brewing up their orders. Eventually indulging yourselves in pictures of Taeyong’s ridiculous exotic pet collection, seriously, how rich are his parents?

“One caramel macchiato and one iced americano right here, folks,” Yeeun exclaimed dramatically as she slid to the spot right beside you, handing over the couple their drinks with an enthusiastic smile on her face. “Would you like to tip your favorite employees?” she asked, putting her hands on her hip as they grabbed the straws from the strawbox beside the cashier machine. “No thanks, Johnny isn’t here,” Brooke joked, shaking her head and raising her hand with a soft laugh, causing the girl beside you to frown abruptly. “She isn’t wrong, have you tried Johnny’s coffee making skills? It’s like the man invented coffee himself,” Taeyong shrugged nonchalantly as he took a sip of his coffee. 

“Can’t argue when it comes to Johnnyboy’s skills, man,” you shrugged with a sweet smile stretched across your lips, earning a soft scoff from your best friend. “Of course you would agree, he literally treats you as if you were family, meanwhile he treats me as if I was the gum under his shoe,” she rambled with an annoyed roll of her eyes, crossing her arms against her chest. “I can literally hear you from over here! I brought you donuts three days ago, stop being dramatic!” Johnny’s head popped out of the staff room, boxes piling on top of each other in his arms. 

“You’re literally on stacking duty, be quiet!” Yeeun snapped back, raising the rag hanging over her apron threateningly as Johnny pressed his lips together in a pout before sneaking back into the staff room. “Hi Johnny!” Taeyong exclaimed childishly before the older, taller Chicago boy went back to whatever the hell he was doing in the staff room. “Anyways, we’re going to be late for the movies, we’ll see you two later. Tell Johnny he still owes me money for writing his essay,” Brooke sighed heavily as she clicked the button on the side of her phone to check the time. 

Laughing lightly, you shook your head as you ignored Yeeun running back to the staff room to grab her stuff considering her shift was ending early today. “See you guys around campus! Tell Yangyang we said hi too, okay?” Taeyong chuckled, reaching down to lovingly wrap his fingers with his girlfriend’s before giving her a sweet, lovesick smile as you waved them both a silent goodbye. 

There was something in the quiet atmosphere that lowered your mood almost drastically as you gazed at their intertwined hands with a longing expression. Maybe it was due to the fact that the weather was getting sort of gloomy, rainy weather had always made your smile turn upside down after all. Or maybe it was due to the fact that the lack of customers in the cafe today made you lonelier than usual, ‘silence is the loudest sound you could ever hear’ is what they would always say. But the bitter feeling in your heart said otherwise. Perhaps it was jealousy?

‘Oh’ you couldn’t help but think to yourself as you heard the familiar jingle of the doorbell, indicating that the couple had walked out of the cafe already. ‘Is this what envy feels like?’ you thought to yourself curiously, sitting down on one of the chairs behind the counter to lean your chin on your palm and prop your elbow on the counter. Your gaze averted to your own hand which was spread open and empty, fingers twitching slightly as you let out a soft chuckle to yourself, your own heart slowly begin to ache in sorrow. ‘When has Renjun ever held my hand like that?’ you pondered to yourself, aimless eyes gazing longingly at your own hand. 

‘Will Renjun even hold my hand the same way Taeyong held Brooke’s?’ you let out a heavy sigh, shaking the thoughts away from your head as you let out a soft chuckle. ‘Of course he would, we’re just extremely busy with our own lives at the moment,’ you reminded yourself in a futile attempt to be positive, despite your heart feeling much heavier than usual. Renjun has been ditching (you’re not sure if this is the appropriate word to use) the hang outs the both of you had planned to accompany Ningning to either hang out somewhere or go to the hospital for check ups. It’s been weeks since you truly had a decent conversation with the boy considering most of your conversations or phone calls would be cut off because Ningning ‘needed’ him. 

Of course, you didn’t have the heart to talk to him about how upset you were over the lack of time you were spending with each other. You didn’t have a reason to be upset, it wasn’t like he was cheating on you or anything. He was just spending time with someone, someone who has a severe medical condition to be more specific. But it couldn’t help but hurt a bit that he was spending so much time with someone else and cancelled most of your plans midway and dropped literally everything just to be by her side, it still made you feel awful to feel somewhat jealous of someone who just needed a good friend by their side. It all felt too lonely. 

“Y/n? I’m gonna go now, are you sure you don’t wanna come with me?” Yeeun asked, leaning her head towards your line of view, a curious, yet concerned expression spread all over her features as her voice snapped you out of your thoughts. “Huh?” you blinked owlishly before mustering up the strength to give her a weak smile. “I’m good, you can go ahead,” you shook your head, examining how your best friend had changed out of her uniform and back to the clothes she was using when she first came here. “Dude, it’s about to rain hard. You didn’t even bring an umbrella today, the bus driver is having a day off. Are you sure you don’t want to just go home right now? You can literally ask Johnny that you’re finishing your shift early,” she attempted to convince you, knowing full well that you might have a chance of walking home to your apartment. 

Laughing lightly, you shook your head to reassure her that you were okay with staying until your shift actually finishes. “I could just call Renjun or Yangyang to pick me up if it's still raining,” you shrugged, stretching your arms in front of you with a small grunt to look away from her worried eyes as she snuck her hands into her pockets. “You know very well that idiot brother of yours won’t even bother to pick up the damn phone with the parties he goes to on a daily basis, the man has been absent for so many days- no, weeks! I don’t think his professors even bother to call out his name anymore, deadass,” she complained, laying her forearm on the counter as she rolled her eyes in annoyance at your stepbrother. 

She never really liked him to begin with, it was always amusing to see your best friend hold herself back from practically spitting on your own brother. “Shut up, he may not be the greatest brother, but he’s still my brother. Plus, Renjun exists, he could pick me up,” you waved your hand off nonchalantly, blowing a small raspberry. The expression on your face was enough to make your friend drop the subject, you knew deep down that she wanted to comment on something the moment considering your smile had faltered slightly at the mention of the two toned hair Chinese boy. 

Yeeun knew about your little doubts on Renjun like the back of her hand, even though you’ve never literally told her that you were upset that the boy was spending less and less time with you, she was your best friend after all. She knew you as if you’ve known each other for centuries but a part of her was aware that she shouldn’t back down on this as she had a bad feeling in her gut that informed her that something bad would happen if she really left. 

“Dude, go. You’ll be late to whatever the hell you’re planning to do back in your dorm,” you made swatting moments with both of your hands as you kept up a bright smile, walking around the counter to lay your hands on her shoulders, spinning her around before leading her to the entrance. “Johnny and I will close up and you can get to working on your big assignment,” you patted her shoulder enthusiastically as you reached the entrance, causing your best friend to turn her face around to give you a serious expression, one that you seldom see on her face unless it was during really serious situations. 

“If you say so, but if you really do need a ride home you could always call me. You do know that right, Y/n?” she asked, pushing your hands off of her shoulder before giving you a soft, comforting smile as she laid her own hand on your shoulder. “Of course,” you nodded eagerly, giving her a brief thumbs up. “The rain looks like it isn’t going to stop anytime soon, you really gotta call Renjun now. It’s almost 9 pm,” she sighed heavily before reaching down her bag to pull out an umbrella, unclipping the strap that keeps it closed. Shaking your head with a grateful smile, you placed your hands on your hips. 

“Okay Mom,” you made a salute with two of your fingers as you fished out your phone from the pocket of your apron, showing Renjun’s contacts on your screen. “Already on it, don’t worry I’ll get home safe and sound.”

-

y/n at 19:35: hey can u pick me up after my shift? its about to rain soon and i didnt bring an umbrella, the bus driver is on a day off too

y/n at 19:35: help pls </3

y/n at 19:38: jun??

y/n at 19:39: junnie?? oml loml pls answer i cant just walk home D: alone </33

junnie <3 at 19:45: sorry i was driving. im taking ningning out to the carnival that just opened up near the park

junnie <3 at 19:46: cant u ask yeeun or smth to get u home? im kinda busy rn

y/n at 19:46: :OOO a carnival?? that sounds like fun i wanna go too >:[[

y/n at 19:46: but sadly no yeeun has a big project assignment in her dorm i dont wanna bug her

junnie <3 at 19:52: sorry can u not text me rn? we’re almost at the carnival and i dont want anything distracting me rn. gotta drive safe yk

y/n at 19:52: oh. im sorry :(( 

y/n at 19:53: srsly tho can you pick me up or no? it wont even take u 15 mins cmon junn </33 u wouldnt want ur favorite person walking home in the rain all alone do u hehe </33

junnie <3 at 19:58: y/n seriously?? cant u just ask yangyang or smth? I rlly cant pick u up this time

y/n at 19:58: sorry

y/n at 20:00:  yangyang doesnt even respond to my calls i cant rlly ask him lolz

junnie <3 at 20:15: y/n im kinda busy rn. ill fill up the money in ur uber ltr the rain is starting to pour n idk if we packed an umbrella in the car

y/n at 20:16: im sorry i didnt mean to bother u 

y/n at 20:16: jun?

y/n at 20:17: junnie?

y/n at 20:17: oh u must b at the carnival w ningning rn. sorry im prob spamming u rn lmao u dont have to fill up my uber cash. ill just walk home

y/n at 20:18: have fun at the carnival /^-^/ <3 stay safe<33 *read by junnie <3 at 20:20*

y/n at 21:28: jun can u pick me up fr? i think a thunderstorm is coming, ill take up the uber cash offer now LMAOAOA

y/n at 21:59: junnie its raining rlly bad can u pick me up?

y/n at 22:00: renjun can you pls come pick me up? its a literal thunderstorm 

y/n at 22:01: renjun? i need you. im scared. *message failed to be sent*

vii. one step forward and three steps back

“Are you okay? You’ve been coughing a lot as of late.” 

You shook your head with a laugh before grimacing as you felt an irritable itch in your lungs, as if something was tickling it. “I probably caught another one of those weird flus again,” you pressed the back of your hand against your closed lips, coughing into it in a futile attempt to get the itch inside of you to go away. “How the hell- don’t you eat those disgusting Starbucks fruit cups every single day on the way to campus?” Johnny asked as he wiped the shaker clean with a clean wet rag, furrowing his brows in confusion as you covered your mouth with your elbow to cough harshly into it. 

“Womans been going home in the rain,” Yeeun clicked her tongue in annoyance, rolling her eyes as she placed the fresh pastries in the basket beside the cashier machine. “That’s not true!” you exclaimed, reaching into your pocket as you reached over into your bag to pull out a small umbrella with a wide grin stretched across your face. “I came prepared this time!” you grinned with a small mischievous giggle, earning a small scoff from your coworkers, more specifically Yeeun, who was frowning so hard to the point her chin was forming wrinkles. Quite literally not figuratively, you snapped a good picture of it though. 

Yeeun clicked her tongue in annoyance, crossing her arms against her chest as she tapped her foot against the tile floor rapidly. “Of course you did, you’re going on a date after all,” she pursed her lips, glaring daggers into you as you stuffed the umbrella back into your bag with a light, giddy laugh. “Oh come on, it’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen Renjun, you can’t blame me for getting excited,” you pressed your lips into a thin smile, sighing dreamily as you leaned your cheek against your hand at the thought of the Chinese boy. 

“Weeks? Dude, what the hell have you two been doing?” the new intern, Mark, exclaimed as he tied the strings of his apron behind him, walking behind the cashier counter as he joined in on the conversation. Your best friend let out a scoff at this. “Renjun has been hanging out with this girl lately to the point he doesn’t even have time to hang out with Y/n anymore, literally would drop anything and everything, would obey to her every cry and plea as if she were some damsel in distress and he was prince charming,” she hissed through her teeth, the way her face turned sour was evidently displaying her distaste and dislike for the girl she hasn’t even met. 

Mark furrowed his brows at this, looking at your friend to see if she was serious before turning his face to look at yours. “Dude, deadass?” he asked in disbelief, causing you to shrug nonchalantly. “He’s just really nice, I don’t blame him. Poor girl has a heart condition and she needs a friend beside her, I don’t see anything wrong with it, really,” you shrugged, sipping on your chocolate chip frappuccino drink as you glanced down at your phone in hopes of seeing Renjun’s message pop up before you felt a rather irritating itch in your chest, eliciting a few soft coughs. 

Your two friends exchanged uneasy expressions as you reached over to your cup to take a good few sips in a futile attempt to get rid of the itch in your chest. “Honestly, don’t you feel jealous or uneasy? You haven’t seen him in a while, right?” Mark asked, leaning his forearm against the counter as he gave you a rather incredulous expression, as if he couldn’t believe that you could be this calm about your significant other hanging out with someone else. “Forget about not having seen him for a while, the man literally ditched her in the rain and refused to pick her up because he was on a date with the other girl,” Yeeun exclaimed, placing her hands on the counter before shooting daggers into your soul. 

Blinking owlishly, you took another sip before humming in confusion and offense. “I don’t think it was a date, come on. He was just having a friendly hang out, don’t be ridiculous,” you leaned over the counter to slap at your friend’s arm with a roll of your eyes, smiling softly at her protectiveness towards you. Mark scrunched his face in discomfort at your words, lifting his hand up to ruffle the back of his hair, unsure of how to put his next sentence into words without sounding too harsh considering he hasn’t known you for very long. “Taking it from a literal guy, I don’t think people would ditch their significant other in the rain just to hang out with someone else,” he replied with a small hiss, planting a small seed of doubt in your mind as your smile slightly faltered. 

The ‘see! Even Mark agrees with me on this one!’ elicited from Yeeun didn’t make it any better.

But nonetheless, you regained your bright composure, shaking your head. “I’ve known Renjun since I was a toddler, he wouldn’t do that. He’s just a really, really nice person. Plus, Ningning has some sort of severe medical condition, I don’t blame her for needing him to be by her side right now. I would too,” you waved it off with a small uncomfortable chuckle, making swatting motions with your hands. “They’re just friends, Renjun likes me, I know he does,” you beamed, trying to encourage and convince both yourself and your friends as you took another sip of your coffee to appear more calm and collected about all this even though it was slowly adding a small ounce of pain inside of your chest at the mere thought of Renjun being unloyal. 

“Friends, huh? Can’t Ningning ask her other friends to accompany her or some shit? Why does it have to be Renjun of all people?” she grumbled under her breath, causing your smile to falter as you looked down on your phone, unlocking it to reveal the recent text message you’ve sent to Renjun before you came to the cafe. 

y/n at 15:00: hey ^-^ im at the cafe, text me when u get here <3

“I don’t know, that’s not really my business now, is it? What matters is that I trust Renjun with all of my heart and we really shouldn’t be talking about him in this sort of manner, it doesn’t feel right,” you lectured them gently, your uncomfortable emotion seeping through your features to show that you truly were uncomfortable and serious about this. Mark shook his head apologetically. “Sorry, I was just pissed off. You’ve been in love with this guy for like most of your life and now that he’s finally reciprocated your feelings instead of viewing you as just his best friend’s sister, he’s being all weird,” Yeeun sighed, giving you a soft smile filled with sympathy as she reached over to pat your shoulder. 

You took a deep inhale, giving the both of them a bright smile as you placed your hands on the counter. “I appreciate the two of you being concerned for me but trust me, Renjun wouldn’t do anything bad,” you informed them, tapping your fingernail against the slippery counter as you attempted to pick up the atmosphere again to lose the tension between all of you. Yeeun pouted as she placed her chin on her hand, examining the empty cafe before looking up at you with a saddened expression. “Honestly, props to you for having the patience and trust to bear with this,” she clapped her hands together softly to express her proudness towards you. 

Mark let out a soft laugh, crossing his arms across his chest as he nodded in agreement enthusiastically. “I agree. It’s not usual to see someone so chill with their partner spending way more time with their ex girlfriend than their actual girlfriend. I would be rolling in my own grave if I were you,” the boy clicked his tongue, looking at you with such an impressed expression despite the fact that he literally told you information that neither you nor Yeeun knew until up to this exact moment. Your eyes grew wide as Yeeun’s head shot up towards the Canadian boy, jaw dropping to the floor dramatically before sparing a small glance at your equally baffled expression to see if you were aware of this fact (which you definitely weren’t) before turning her head back to Mark.

She sat up quickly, startling Mark with her sudden rapid movements. “Ex girlfriend? Mark, what the hell did you just say?” Yeeun exclaimed, causing Mark to let out a small yelp at her loud tone as you stood still, war flashbacks going through your mind. “You didn’t know?” Mark exclaimed, now he was the one who was baffled. “Dude, I may not know Renjun that well but Yangyang and his inability to shut up made the whole universe know who the hell Ningning is,” he scratched the side of his arm, tugging on his rolled up sleeves as he cleared his throat to prevent his voice from cracking out of nervousness. 

“Dude, what? I didn’t know that. Y/n clearly didn’t know that either, dude, do you know what the hell this means?” Yeeun exclaimed, grabbing his shoulders and shaking the poor boy vigorously as if he was a pair of maracas. “What? What’s wrong?” Mark exclaimed, utterly confused of what kind of poisonous seed he had planted deep in your brain as you felt your heart plunge into your stomach, feeling your own pupils start to shake as the itch in your chest grew unbearable. Your mind couldn’t shut up as your thoughts became messy and scattered, causing you to fish out your phone from your bag, opening up your chat with Renjun nervously to ask him about his whereabouts considering it’s been a full hour since he asked you to meet up at the cafe for a park date. 

y/n at 16:57: junnn where r u im at the cafe rn 

y/n at 16:58: dude its been a whole hour r u coming or not? :’’< 

“Y/n, calm down, he’s probably stuck in traffic right now or something,” Johnny reached over, noticing your saddened expression as you stared desperately into the screen of your phone, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. Chewing on the bottom of your lip, you mustered up the strength to give your colleagues a smile. “Yeah, he’s on the way. I’m sure of it,” you said in a somewhat hopeful tone, however it was more than obvious that you were faking it. “Come on, just because Renjun was emotionally hung up on his first love for a whole two years because she left him to go to another country for some reason we don’t know, doesn’t mean that we can instantly assume that he’s seeing her behind my back, right?” you looked around at your friends in a futile attempt to see a hopeful face to reassure you that your words held some kind of truth.

“Right?” 

It was almost hard to breathe as your heart started aching like hell, the saddened, sympathetic expressions your friends were giving you making you uneasy to say the least. Looking down at your phone, no signs of Renjun reading or being online despite the fact that he was the one who asked you to meet him in the park to quote unquote ‘hang out’. “I’m going to go to the park and wait for Renjun there,” you said after a small moment of agonizing awkward silence, chewing on your bottom lip nervously as you intake the remainder of your drink before walking towards the trashcan without another word, avoiding any sort of eye contact from your coworkers as you walked past them and out of the cafe. 

Considering it was a merely 15 minute walk towards the park, it felt way longer than so. Your eyes were either fixated on the road or the phone screen, waiting for Renjun’s message anxiously and hopefully as your mind started to wonder if he, once again, stood you up for her. Just like he did for the entirety of his relationship with her back when you were still in highschool, you didn’t want it to happen again, you didn’t want to sulk in such a lonely place. Renjun found you when you were still invisible, he found you but he couldn’t see you; the one thing you’ve been aiming to achieve all this time. 

You wanted him to see you. 

Just when you thought his attention wasn’t on the girl who had stolen his heart, just when you thought he was finally able to see you, it was all about to be taken away. It was as if you were back to day one; as if you were back to your old, childish self once again. It was almost unfair to you. You fell for him first, you met him first, you were there for him way earlier than she was. Yet, how the hell was his heart in her hands instead of yours? And how did yours end up in his?

Your mind continued to race as you started coughing, the itch in your chest swarming through your lungs and up your throat as you walked into the empty park, cupping your mouth with your hand as you found a nearby bench to sit on. Deciding that you would wait for Renjun right there, you slumped down on the wooden bench, looking down hopelessly at your phone screen, patiently yet desperately waiting for a response. Waiting for him to say that he was on the way, he was just stuck in traffic, that he had something to deal with momentarily and that he would be picking you up soon. 

You don’t know how long you’ve been sitting on that exact bench as you waited. And waited. And waited for someone to find you. More specifically, a certain Chinese boy who had captured your heart to find you and return to you. One hour had turned to two. And two would gradually turn to three. You didn’t know when you had lost count but you knew the night breeze was cutting off your blood circulation as you could barely feel your own lips, you swore they were turning blue from how cold you felt. The thin sweater you were wearing did you no justice in keeping you warm as you continued to sit there, unmoving on the bench. 

The growling of your starving stomach was ignored as your chest began to succumb to the emotional numbness that overwhelmed you. You watched as the sun traded places with the moon, until the bright blue sky was no longer and was now covered by a blanket of cloudy midnight purple. Everything was so cold, yet you couldn’t feel much. You could barely feel the skin of your own arms under your cold fingertips as you leaned back against the bench. It wouldn’t be surprising if you freeze to death before Renjun could reply to you. 

Children from the nearby playground were no longer running around as their parents had picked them up, causing the park to be even emptier than when you had just arrived. However, the dullness embedded deep in your heart had inevitably made the hole in your chest even emptier than it should. Numb fingers slowly growing cold from the evening breeze convincing you to attempt to heat them up by texting Renjun in a futile attempt of getting him to reply.  

-

y/n at 23:36: renjun r u still coming :’’>? oml my emoticon looks like bojji from ousama ranking hehe we should watch that together it's such a heartfelt show istg

‘Please say something.’ 

y/n at 23:36: let me know if u change ur mind or if ur too tired ok? we can always meet up the next time ur free hehe

‘Please tell me you’re coming.’

y/n at 23:37: call me pls :(( 

y/n at 123:38: r u on the way? 

y/n at 23:38: srry im kinda being annoying rn but ur not responding and im concerned loloz

‘Please tell me you’re not with her.”

y/n at 23:40: i like u <3

‘Renjun?’

-

It was almost midnight. 

Renjun had never taken this long to find you and bring you home, even back when he was still dating Ningning. He had never kept you waiting for this long. 

Your whole body grew numb from the emotional burnout you were enduring just from this single moment, you couldn’t even feel the mobile device in between your fingers as you felt your heart beat shallowly in your chest, harsh coughs coming out of your throat. It made you so sick deep inside you swore that you were going to throw up. Your heart was practically beating so hard and loudly you could hear it in your ears, each thud within every beat harmonizing with the inaudible screams of your mind repeatedly telling you ‘why did you believe that you were able to hold his heart in your own palms?’

No matter how many times you made him laugh, no matter how many movie dates you two have, no matter how many times you made him smile. Renjun’s heart would always go back to his first love, even if she moved hundreds of kilometers away from him, his heart would also string along with her, leaving an empty shell in him for you to replace. That was all you were to him, weren’t you? A momentary replacement for Renjun until she inevitably finds her way back into his arms, returning his heart or replacing it with her own. 

You could offer all the love and affection you have in your whole being, yet, it wouldn’t be enough to replace the empty space in Renjun’s heart. Even if you gave him your whole heart. 

It wasn’t enough to make him stay. 

The next cough that came from your throat was almost inhumane, almost painful and itchy across the muscles of your throat. Tears sprung up your eyes as you let out a few more harsh coughs, dropping your phone to the concrete floor as you cupped your mouth. Suddenly, something silky and soft made contact with the skin of your palms, causing your heart to stop beating for a mere second. Pulling your hand away, your eyes then widened in shock and pure horror as tears continued to blur your vision. 

Laying innocently on your palm were four yellow petals, seeming almost papery. Did this come straight out of your throat? Your breathing quickened as your tears blurred your vision, unable to hold them back as liquid dropped into your palm, making contact with the soft petals as you let out a soft, shameless sob. Pulling your cold knees to your chest up on the bench, you wrapped your arms around yourself, letting the petals drop to the floor right beside your phone as the terrifying realisation sunk in, a wave of sorrow washing over you as your chest constricted, the lump in your throat finally coming out of your mouth in a fit of soft, uncontrollable sobs. 

You had just coughed up carnation petals. More specifically, yellow carnations. 

Renjun’s favorite flowers.

-

junnie </3 at 00:35: im so so sorry

junnie </3 at 00:35: ningning had to go to the hospital for another check up and she needed me, im sorry i forgot to tell u. i had to accompany her considering her mom couldnt get off of work til midnight im so so sorry y/n

junnie </3 at 00:36: u must be home and asleep now right? 

junnie </3 at 00:37: i swear ill make it up to u. im so sorry for keeping u waiting. 

junnie </3 at 00:38: hey at least u had fun interacting w mark and yeeun right?

junnie </3 at 00:39: im tired, im gonna go to sleep too okay? 

junnie </3 at 00:40: gn <3 i like u too <3  

-

viii. and i am the idiot with the painted face

“This new playlist of yours sounds extremely depressing, I am immensely concerned,” Renjun furrowed his brows, eyes wandering to your orange speaker blasting songs conveying concerning messages on repeat.  

Chuckling softly, you sat back on the carpet floor in front of him with a small shrug as you grabbed a few pieces of paper to fold the pieces of your soon to be paper crown. “Listen, with the amount of assignments piling up on my back, this playlist accurately represents the sorrows and pain my soul is going through,�� you gave the boy a toothy grin with a boastful hand on your chest, waving the boy off as Renjun gently dipped the tip of his brush into his acrylic palette. “I don’t think Mitski’s Me and My Husband sounds like the echoes and pitiful screams of your soul doing assignments, sounds like you’re stuck in some sort of toxic relationship,” he pressed his lips together, unknowingly forming a cute pout. 

“Shut up, who doesn’t love Mitski’s ‘Me and My Husband?’ Especially that one line: ‘And I am the idiot with the painted face’? Honestly, relatable on another level” you gushed, never failing to use your chances to express your love for the American Japanese indie rock singer with every chance given. Renjun’s face contorted with even more confusion as he focused on his canvas, carefully stroking the brush to achieve more details as he let out a soft ‘huh?’ under his breath. 

Dropping his brush in the cup of clear water to wash out the paint, he reached over to grab another brush with a thinner tip, tapping the ends of it before turning his head over to you. “What part of that is relatable? You may be an idiot but your face isn’t painted at all,” he frowned, leaning over to poke your cheek with the wet brush, smiling softly at his own little joke. “You clearly don’t understand the formal art of writing, Junnie,” you mumbled under your breath, loud enough for him to hear as you reached over for the plate of cookies Renjun had brought in when he came over. 

“I’m literally the art major here, writing is a part of art. You’re the one who’s not getting it,” Renjun leaned over to poke your sides teasingly to show that he was clearly joking. Getting up to your feet to grab a pair of scissors from your desk, you gave him a look filled with mock disgust, hand reaching over to your stationary box. “What? Do you prefer that I blast penthouse opera songs instead? Since you’re such a Mitski slanderer, would you prefer Ghibli soundtracks or la traviata, your majesty?” you said in a rather posh and fancy voice, rolling your eyes as you sat back down to cut the piece of paper on the floor into small, equal squares. 

Renjun reached for his own cookie, placing the treat in between his lips as he let out a small hum. “You should play-”

“No, I am not playing Justin Bieber’s latest song, Howl’s Moving Castle soundtracks it is,” you cut him off without hesitation, leaning over to the laptop on your desk. The screen was evidently displaying your spotify account, your ‘songs to cry to when yellow carnations are yeeting out of your throat’ playlist on clear display for all to see as you searched up a good ghibli playlist to set a more serene atmosphere in the room. “Justin Bieber isn’t that bad, you’re just hating on him because everyone else is,” he mutters under his breath in a sulky tone, consuming his last bite of the cookie bitterly. 

“I would rather listen to Dwayne Johnson’s Face off than listen to ‘Peaches’. You and Mark had chewed my ear off singing that song when we were taking that boy to the airport,” you right clicked your mouse, pressing the spacebar to randomly play a song from your playlist, straining your back in the process from stretching up to the desk with how you were sitting on the floor right beside Renjun. “I got my peaches out in-” Renjun sang quietly to himself before you placed your palms against your ears, nudging his sides with your elbow, eliciting a soft yelp from the Chinese boy. 

He placed his hands on his sides, glaring daggers at you as you gave him a bittersweet, sardonic smile before returning to folding the squares you had cut out a few seconds prior. “Why are you acting as if you didn’t stream ‘love me’ and ‘eenie meanie’ religiously back in your Justin Bieber phase?” he snatched a cookie from the plate to shove it in your mouth, not bothering to hear whatever response you came up with right after he finished his sentence. Smiling at his actions, you bit a chunk of the cookie, feeling a soft itch in your chest before letting out a soft cough. “I have standards now, unlike your Believer ass. I listen to actual music, boomer,” you joked with a staggering laugh, a fit of coughs being elicited from your throat. 

Narrowing his eyes at you in mock offense, he placed his palm on his chest incredulously. “Mitski and depressing ass lyrics are apparently the ‘standards’ now? Also I’m literally two years older than you,” he exclaimed in an offended tone, causing you to snort shortly. 

“Yangyang literally acts so much younger than you,” you commented. 

“I don’t like spending money on air jordans or that travis scott burger he went on about last week. I’d say I’m on a better level than Yangyang in terms of being a human being,” he bragged with a soft laugh, looking at the amount of shoe boxes your stepbrother had piled up right under your desk (the man didn’t have anymore space in his and since he was the one who paid most of the rent, you couldn’t say no when he unceremoniously dragged in piles and piles of expensive shoe boxes, presumably from the fiery pits of the underworld). “I’m glad we can agree on something. I swear, the man hogs up all the money just because he got the will when his dad passed but that doesn’t mean he can use it to spend on a shit ton of shoes he doesn’t even use,” you rambled on in annoyance. 

If looks could kill, those shoe boxes would've disintegrated by now. 

Renjun snorted, mumbling a small ‘cute’ under his breath before his eyes darted back from the shoe boxes to the sour expression on your face, hand reaching up to gingerly pinch your cheek. “Or buy some groceries, he can’t just leave you with some money every day just to order take out,” he joined in, enjoying how you were slandering his best friend behind his back even though Yangyang was probably busy screaming his throat out while playing pubg with his frat friends in the next room. (You even forced him to install some soundproofing a couple weeks ago so that he doesn’t scream ‘Winwin, to your left!’ on repeat)

“You’re acting as if you don’t bring me takeout every other day as well,” you purse your lips at his hypocrisy, crossing your arms against your chest as Renjun leaned back to support himself with his hands on the floor behind his back. “At least I brought you something healthy,” he shot back defensively with an arched brow, using one hand to tug on the beige hoodie he was wearing as you finally finished folding the square pieces you had cut out previously. Cocking your head to the side with a smile dangling in the corner of your mouth, you clicked your tongue. 

“Apparently these chocolate chip cookies count as healthy to you? Damn, I didn’t know Huang Renjun was such a sugar junkie,” you joked. 

You let out a small cheer as you finished what you’ve been attempting to build for the past hour: a paper crown. “Junnie, look here,” you called out, getting up to your knees as you scooted towards him with an unrelenting stare, a toothy grin spread across your face. Humming, the Chinese boy looked up at you with curious eyes, his lips pressed shut as you suddenly plopped the brown paper crown on the top of his head, the little doodles you made all around the homemade accessory accenting his dull hoodie. “Who needs Prince Eric when I have Huang Renjun himself?” you exclaimed with glee, letting out a giddy giggle as you clasped your hands together beside your cheek. 

Renjun furrowed his brows, reaching over to grab his phone near the canvas, unlocking it to open the camera app to take a look at his appearance, far too lazy to walk to the closet mirror on the other side of the room. Humming softly as he inspected how the cute crown you had made him fit perfectly on his head, he gave you a smile that mirrored your own, letting out soft chuckles as he shook his head. “Thank you, this makes me feel a thousand times more special than I am,” he reached over to pinch your cheek, scrunching his face at you to restrain himself from tackling you to the floor out of pure adoration. 

Wincing slightly at how hard he was pinching your cheek, you reached up to tug his hand away from your face, feeling your heart race in your chest. “Asshole, you are special to me, I thought we’ve established this already,” you stuck your tongue out childishly, ignoring the butterflies swarming up in your tummy as Renjun’s grip on your cheek unwavered, nonetheless it didn’t stop you from attempting to tug it away. “Still can’t believe someone would simp this hard over me,” he giggled, shrugging innocently as his free hand sneaked up to adjust the crown on his head. 

The hand that was on your cheek soon moved to grab yours, intertwining his fingers with yours for the first time in forever, causing your heart to skip a beat. A giddy smile of disbelief stretched across your face as Renjun turned his head back to focus on his own canvas. 

“What’s with the sudden hand holding, Huang?” you asked with a teasing tone, minus the fact that your heart was on the brink of bouncing out of your ribcage. 

“It helps keep me focused.”

-

You woke up to the ominous sound of loud chewing and crunching sounds as you stirred awake, eyes slowly fluttering open as you attempted to comprehend where the hell you were. Grunting softly, you attempted to reach your arms up to stretch but you felt the rough texture of a jean jacket covering your whole body, not to mention the immensely small space you were in. Nonetheless, you sat up in the tight space you were in, causing the jacket to slide down to your lap as you moved your hand up to rub the sleep away from your eyes. 

‘Where the hell am I?’

“Good morning, sleeping beauty. About time your sleeping ass woke up,” a familiarly obnoxious voice sneered at you, instantaneously ruining your mood even though you had just woken up. 

Furrowing your brows, you turned to see Yangyang casually eating a bag of Doritos that was placed on his lap, a toothy grin spread across his face as he snickered at your distorted state. “What the fuck? Where am I? Why are you here?” you asked, twisting your body from how tense it felt, realising that you were in the front seat of Yangyang’s new car as Yangyang casually munched away on his cheese flavored doritos in the driver’s seat with his legs crossed on the cushions. How the hell did you even get in Yangyang’s car? He had never let you touch it before so why is he acting as if you’ve been living here like one of the raccoons hiding in your dumpsters?

“Yeeun said you weren’t picking up your calls so she called me to pick you up,” he explained with a casual shrug, reaching over to the backseat to grab the plastic bag hiding in between the cushions he had set up, pulling out a warm drink and a straw before placing it on your lap. “Drink up, you look even shittier than usual, Jesus. Did you even eat anything? You look worse than the last time I found you in that cursed park,” he hissed, shaking his head as he opened the glove compartment to get out a few tissues, carelessly tossing them over to you. 

Ignoring his question, you looked over to see that Yangyang was charging your phone on the socket in front of the gear lever. “What time is it?” you asked, hesitantly lifting up the drink on your lap, startled by how ominously nice he was being considering all he’s done so far is treat you like his personal servant. Yangyang leaned back against his chair, looking at the time displayed on the car before licking his lips. “3 AM, why?” he answered shortly, rubbing his face in exhaustion before leaning his bag of doritos towards you, shaking it. “Want some?” he offered, lifting his brow. 

Looking down at the half eaten bag, you darted your eyes from your stepbrother to the snack before shaking your head. “For fucks sakes,” he muttered under his breath before reaching back to the plastic bag on the backseat again to pull out an egg sandwich, tossing it to your lap. “Eat, dude, you look like you haven’t eaten today,” he leaned over to knock his knuckles against your shoulder gently, clearly not used to being this nice to you. Hell, he’s never even picked you up in your years of being siblings, it’s always been Renjun who-

Wait a second. 

How did you get here? In Yangyang’s car? Weren’t you in the park, on the verge of freezing to death with yellow petals flowing out of your throat with every violent cough you elicit? You were, no doubt, still wearing the same outfit you had when you were sobbing your eyes out on the bench, therefore why were you here? 

“If you’re asking how the hell you got here, Yeeun told me where she last heard you and told me to come find you,” he explained awkwardly, his joking smile no longer spread across his features, now covered up with his lips pressed into a thin line as he scratched the sides of his neck. “You dumbass, if you were going to wait for him til ass o’clock, you should at least use some of those brain cells in your monkey brain to bring a jacket or a tent to the park,” he hissed, the hand on his neck reaching up to ruffle his hair in distress as he jokingly glared daggers at you. 

However, you were in no mood for jokes. 

“Sorry,” you mumbled, tapping your finger against the cardboard cup quietly. “I didn’t know he was not gonna come,” you added after a few seconds after the apology, not tearing your gaze away from the untouched drink on your lap, your chest beginning to itch as you suppressed the urge to cough. There was a heavy sigh from your brother as he placed the bag of doritos on your lap, reaching over to pat your head before starting the car. “I was just joking, it’s good to see you safe and sound. You’re lucky I was in town tonight or else you’d freeze to death out there,” he gave you a comforting smile in a futile attempt to cheer you up, nudging your arm with his elbow before pressing on the gas pedal to drive you both home. 

Coughing against your fist, Yangyang let out some ‘tsk’s under his breath, urging you to drink up. “I brought you hot chocolate, drink up before you cough your organs out,” he shook his head, leaning over to lower the volume of the radio as you continued to cough violently to your fist, eyes burning with tears as a few petals slipped through your throat. You let out a sour laugh, you spared a glance at Yangyang, quickly cupping your hand around your lips to gather the petals from your lips before putting it down, dropping the petals to the side of the car seat when he wasn’t looking. 

“Seriously though, don’t do that again. You could’ve gotten hypothermia or some shit if I wasn’t in town to carry your heavy ass home,” he said, taking a left turn as you cleared your throat, finally stabbing the drink with the straw he gave you and drinking the warm chocolate liquid. “If I was so heavy then why didn’t you wake me?” you rolled your eyes, turning your head over to gaze at the view from the car window, staring longingly at the purple night sky. The boy beside you simply shrugged with a small hum, using one hand to drive as he propped the other up against the open window beside him, leaning his head against his arm. 

“You looked like you were having a good dream, I guess,” he answered simply, eliciting a soft chuckle from you. 

‘A dream, huh?’

 ix. did i drive you away?

Silently sucking on your cherry lollipop, you idly flipped the pages of your textbook with an elbow propped up on the table, your head leaned up against your palm as sore eyes bore through the countless paragraphs of text filled with information. You rubbed your eyes in a futile attempt to get you to be more focused in revising your next quiz, knowing full well that your thoughts were too loud for you to actually pay attention to whatever was being laid out in front of you for more than five seconds. 

Letting out an internal groan, you placed your head in your hands, taking a deep inhale before moving your hands up so that you could massage your temples with your palm, clearing your throat when your lungs began to grow itchy. Wincing slightly, you shook your head as you let out a heavy sigh, closing your eyes for a brief moment to ease your stress. 

Honestly, how were you able to comprehend the fact that you just got hanahaki?

Not to self diagnose, but you knew full well that coughing up the love of your life’s favorite flowers right after you realised that he was never going to love you the same way you love him. Hanahaki: a rare disease in which victims cough up flower petals (or full bloomed flowers if left untreated) when they suffer from unrequited romantic love. It ends when the victim’s beloved returns their feelings equally romantically or when the victim dies. They say it can also be cured through surgical removal, but when the stems or thorns in which the flowers grow in the lungs are successfully removed, the victim’s romantic feelings and memories for their love will also disappear. 

You can thank Google for all that research but you sure ain’t thanking yourself for making yourself cry even harder at the fact that you were going to die in a matter of less than a month if you don’t get that surgery before you enter the last critical stage. 

But then, why now? Why did this disease decide to show up now? You had been seeing Renjun for almost more than three months now, you’ve never actually coughed up any carnation petals up till now, it was almost odd. That is until you consider the fact that maybe Renjun actually did like you until he was reminded that his heart belonged to someone else; his first love. Now that was quite depressing to think about, was it? But that was the harsh reality that you had to face considering this stupid disease wasn’t going to let you go.

You were only in your first year of college, you still had a whole life ahead of yo-

“Are you okay?”

You snapped yourself out of your thoughts, pulling your head out of your hands to see who had come in to check up on you. ‘Speak of the devil’, you couldn’t help but think to yourself with a small chuckle, feeling your heart ache yet soar at the same time at the sight of the cute boy’s concerned expression. Pink lips slightly parted, brows furrowed, shiny eyes flashed with a gloss of concern and worry made your heart melt at how adorable he appeared but also ached at the fact that he was currently the main source of your internal and emotional pain. 

“Junnie,” you sighed out with an exhausted, loopy smile, leaning your arms over the table to make grabby hands at him childishly. “You’re here,” you breathed out, almost in disbelief. Oh how you wished you were able to say that two weeks ago when you were waiting hours and hours for him in the park, you couldn’t blame him though, his first love needed him and he lost track of time. You couldn’t blame him even if you wanted to. “Are you okay? You look terrible,” Renjun leaned his head to the side, eyes carefully examining your features as he had noticed how your smile didn’t reach your eyes like it used to, putting a starbucks paper bag on the table. 

Humming melodiously, you leaned your chin up at the book, staring lovingly at the boy as if he wasn’t the reason why your lungs feel like they’re itching and burning in your chest. “I miss you. Like a lot, present tense not past tense,” you giggled, reaching your hands up to grab at his puffy, squishy cheeks. “I’m glad you paid attention to your grammar lessons in 11th grade,” he joked, fingers wrapping against your wrists to tug your hands away from your chest, chuckling softly at how childish you were being after weeks of not seeing each other. 

Reaching over to the paper bag, he pulled out a venti cotton candy frappuccino along with a huge straw, looking over to the half empty cup of latte you had ordered a few minutes prior to his arrival with a disgusted expression on his face. “Did you really buy food here? How are you not hurling over the toilet seat already?” he scrunched his nose in disgust, stabbing the green straw into the white cup before taking a good few gulps of his sweet drink. “I’m really glad you’re here,” you dismissed his words with a genuine smile, eyelids fluttering with exhaustion as you rubbed your left eye. 

Letting out an amused laugh, Renjun shook his head. “So you’ve said before,” he nodded, hand fishing out another cup from the paper bag and placing it right in front of you, not forgetting to balance a straw of your own on the lid. “I don’t say it enough,” you shrugged nonchalantly as he ripped the plastic wrapping of the straw off with a small grunt before stabbing it into the opening hole on the lid with his tongue sticking out in the corners of his lips. “Here, drink this instead. I got you a caramel macchiato, way better than whatever poison they brewed up in that terrifying kitchen,” he shook the drink in his hand, a tightlipped smile stretched across his face. 

Smiling, you spared a glance at the white, porcelain cup half filled with (what you admit was) the worst coffee you had ever tasted in existence before accepting his drink, taking a delightful sip of the comforting drink. “Thank you, you really didn’t have to buy me this, you know,” you said as you stirred the mixture around with the straw so that the caramel would be fully incorporated with the liquid. Renjun then raised his brows at you in perplexity, letting out a small laugh of disbelief. “That’s rich coming from the person who basically nagged me for a Genshin Impact acrylic standee,” he reached over to pinch your cheeks with glee, muttering a small ‘cute’ under his breath as he watched you inhale the drink as if you haven’t drunk shit in years. 

“Jesus, I told you to not eat from this cafe, the food is absolutely atrocious. Would rather eat that poison apple the evil queen offered Snow white instead of sparing a glance at those rotten looking cinnamon buns,” he shook his head at you, knowing full well that you had regrettably spent an eighth of your pocket money for the day on that disgusting beverage before looking back at the cashier counter to take a peek at the rotting pastries on display, the staff behind the counter was practically on the brink of falling asleep. 

It was 2 pm on a Tuesday. 

“I felt like being nice, this cafe hasn’t made any profit in years, I feel bad,” you purse your lips into a pout, not even denying that the drink was enough to make your ancestors toss and turn in their graves. “I swear, you’re too nice for your own good. I don’t think they’ve even bothered to bake new food, I’ve seen that apple pie before and it’s literally untouched,” Renjun exclaimed, eyeing the pastries, gasping slightly under his breath as he exclaimed how he swore he saw some kind of mould forming on the tips of the crusts. You then laughed at his silly antics, shaking your head as you leaned your chin on your palm, watching the boy complain with soft, lovesick eyes. 

Renjun then turned to you, noticing how you’ve been staring at him for quite a while as he rambled before clearing his throat awkwardly to mask how flustered he felt. “Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked, waving his hand in front of your face to see if you were spacing out or not. “I just really miss you,” you admitted with another innocent shrug, sighing dreamily as you sent him a loopy smile, mindlessly reaching over to drink your beverage as you stared at him as if he held all of the stars of the universe in his own bare hands. 

“Do you miss me that much? It’s only been a few weeks since we last saw each other,” he chuckled, putting his forearms on the table as he tugged on the book you had in between your elbows to see what the hell you were reading as if it was the source for your loopy state. “Is it wrong of me to miss you?” you tilted your head to the side, frowning jokingly before letting out a small laugh as your mind began to go south.All your heart could gasp out was ‘did he not miss you? At all?’ as you let out a small cough, putting a hand on your throat in a futile attempt to relieve some of the soreness gathering in it. 

“I’m just saying, we’ve known each other since we were kids. You ghosted me for like two years because I was in a relationship with someone else, now you’re missing me because we haven’t seen each other for a few weeks? I’m just surprised, that’s all,” he shrugged with a sheepish smile, swatting his hand off as if it wasn’t a big deal as the other reached to scratch the back of his neck. Sitting up properly on the chair, you leaned back with a small giggle, looking down at your own two hands. “I don’t know, things just felt a little more lonely lately,” you admitted truthfully, your mind having flashbacks to the hours you spent hurled up over the toilet seat, coughing up carnation petals violently the more you think about the boy in front of you. 

Nonetheless, his presence brought you the bliss and joy you had been craving for weeks. It was almost laughable to think that the person who had hurt you the most both internally and emotionally without meaning to was the only person in your life who gave you the happiness you had been longing for weeks. How can a single human be the one to pierce needles into your heart but also make it soar at the same time? It truly bewildered you how your affections for this individual could reach that point, if he were someone else, you would definitely back away in case things get worse but somehow Renjun was like an addiction you can’t get away from. 

An addiction that made all thoughts of being sober get thrown out of the window. 

“Well, I’m here now aren’t I? You don’t have to feel lonely anymore.” Your breath hitched, staring at Renjun as you formed a heart warming smile similar to the heat of a fireplace balming the goosebumps that peppered across your skin, taming the wintery chills in your heart. You were truly weak for Huang Renjun and no one could prove otherwise, not even you. His smile made you forget that you had his favorite flowers growing rapidly in your lungs. And for a brief moment, the smile on his face actually made you believe that all of this hanahaki nonsense was just some kind of dream you’ve woken up from. For a brief moment, the smile on his face made you believe that he truly did harbor the same feelings you harbor for him. 

It was then you saw his phone lit up, indicating that he had gotten a message. Renjun turned his head to the mobile device, oblivious to how the bliss from your eyes had now been replaced by despondency the moment you caught sight of whose name had popped up on his screen. Your smile faltered as you closed your eyes and leaned your head back, feeling your heart start to burn and your lungs start it’s usual itching sensation. However, this time it was paired with problems with your breathing as you took a deep, silent exhale. A soft sigh from Renjun was enough to tell you what his next words were. 

Just like what coldplay had said when they were singing ‘sparks’.

“Did I drive you away? I know what you’ll say” 

However, you weren’t the one driving him away, he was the one driving himself away willingly without realising it. Oblivious to how much internal pain you were in, the boy proceeded to text the person who had owned his heart since day one, with each passing second, the more difficult it got for you to actually breathe. ‘He doesn’t love you,’ you admitted to yourself bitterly, letting out an inaudible chuckle as your hands reached up to wipe the tears gathering in your eyes, rubbing them to act as if you were just rubbing the sleep away so that Renjun doesn’t get concerned. 

It wasn’t his fault that his heart didn’t belong in your palms. It was your fault for falling for him, if you hadn’t fallen in love with this boy then you wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. Why did he even bother staying with you? Why was he still staying in this relationship if he didn’t even love you? Even if he did love you, it was already crystal clear that he doesn’t anymore. I mean, how the hell did you even end up with hanahaki if he truly does love you?

“Ningning wants to go to the park again, I’m going to go pick her up,” Renjun said without hesitation, pushing the button on the side of his phone to turn it off before tucking it in the front pockets of his bag. “Right,” you nodded, leaning your head back up as you fought the urge to throw up, standing up as well as you gathered your things. “Have fun,” you smiled weakly, not making eye contact as you let out a few small coughs before holding the rest in the moment you felt petals gathering in your throat, clogging up your windpipe. 

“Are you okay?” Renjun asked, furrowing his brows as he stretched his arm out to touch your shoulder, but you took a step back before he could, fearing that a mere touch from him would trigger the disease blooming inside of you as you shook your head. “I’m fine, I think it was the latte. I feel kinda sick,” you laughed lightly, finally gathering the courage to look up at the boy. “You were right, I’m never going to order shit here ever again,” you gave him a genuine smile before walking past him to the nearest bathroom, your hand now massaging your throat as you let out a few spluttered coughs. 

“Ningning needs you, you should go,” was all you said before Renjun was out of your line of vision. 

x. why was he holding her hand when he’s supposed to be mine?

“It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to!” Yeeun sang out as she danced around in the vinyl store, playing one of Lesley Gore’s infamous tracks from the 1960s, her arms thrown up in the air as you looked through all the vinyls on display on the cashier counter. 

Taeyong’s cousin owns a vinyl store near the park and you got news that Taeyong was currently substituting his cousin who went on vacation, so you both decided to unceremoniously burst into the store and bother Taeyong and Brooke’s time by playing loud tunes from the vinyls around you. “I can’t believe you two are playing vinyls and aren’t even paying for it,” Taeyong laughed in disbelief, wrapping an arm around Brooke as the girl continued to type away at her essay written on her laptop screen. “I can’t believe your girlfriend is doing her essay on a weekend,” Yeeun commented with a snort, putting her hands on her hips as you snickered. 

“At least I get shit done on time,” Brooke spat back, leaning her head back against her boyfriend’s shoulders as fingers typed away mindlessly without stopping. “Touche,” you grinned, poking your best friend’s sides as you pulled out a vinyl filled with Cinderella soundtracks, letting out a small ‘oooh’ under your breath at the list of songs behind the cover. “Why are you two here anyway? Don’t you two have class today?” Taeyong asked, putting his hands on his hips as he rudely snatched the vinyl away from your grasps to put it back, causing you to send him a threatening look. 

Yeeun scoffed, rolling her eyes as the record player continued to play Lesley Gore’s melodious voice. “Our class got canceled,” she said with a wave of her hand before continuing to sing along with the music in the air, causing you to let out a small snicker, shaking your head as you walked up to the counter, leaning your forearm on the surface. “You mean ‘my’ class got canceled, you’re literally skipping because your professor is being a bitch again,” you laughed incredulously, shaking your head in disappointment as Brooke stared at Yeeun in disbelief. Honestly, rich people things. 

“You’re skipping class? Dude, you may have that scholarship but you’re going to have to repeat shit if you don’t take class seriously,” Brooke raised her brows incredulously at your friend, clearly surprised that one would skip class despite paying a massive amount of money to get in. Your college wasn’t that prestigious but it still held some kind of high reputation. “I’m not skipping! I’m just pretending that my professor canceled class too, you all might as well pretend with me!” she huffed, shamelessly looking away from the three of you to look through more vinyls, causing you to snort softly. 

“Shit, I forgot my laptop in my car. I’m supposed to finish this piece by Sunday,” Taeyong cursed under his breath, reaching a hand up to ruffle his hair in frustration before leaning over to give his girlfriend a loving peck to the temple before walking out of the store and down the streets where his car was parked. “Fine, I’ll pretend like airplanes in the night sky-” you joked as you waved at Taeyong before Yeeun abruptly interrupted you mid sentence. 

“We are not bringing up your mordetwi phase,” she huffed, shaking her head in disappointment at you. “It was funny, come on!” you exclaimed, reaching over to sling your arm around your friend’s shoulder with a teasing smile stretched across your face. “Shut up, you’re literally on your deathbed,” she huffed, pushing your arm off of her shoulder, her words inevitably attracting Brooke’s attention away from her essay. “Deathbed?” she asked, confused as she turned to you in slight concern. But before you could utter out some sort of excuse or lie, your best friend once again butted in. 

Sitting down on the chairs behind the counter, she looked at you with an expression filled with sadness. “The woman here got hanahaki, currently on the second stage,” she informed Brooke, eliciting a shocked gasp from the curly haired girl. “You have hanahaki? Y/n, you’re aware this ain't something to joke about right? You gotta be kidding,” the way Brooke’s face contorted with sadness almost made you reconsider your decision of not taking the surgery, but nonetheless, you merely sighed as you looked down at your feet. “I didn’t know it was going to get this bad, I thought it was going to go away sooner or later,” you shrugged nonchalantly as if this wasn’t killing you from the inside. 

“Renjun, that asshole, I knew something was fishy when you started telling me about this Ningning girl,” she muttered bitterly, loud enough for both of you to hear. You shook your head, laughing it off. “It isn’t his fault, he can’t control who his heart falls for,” hearing yourself admit it outloud was like a punch to the gut, it made your insides churn uncomfortably. “Jesus, Y/n,” Brooke cursed, hissing as she gave a look of concern. “She doesn’t even want to take the damn surgery,” Yeeun added on, looking down on her own shoes as to not show how your decision was affecting her as well. 

“You’re- You’re what?” 

Chuckling, you turned your back against the counter, sliding down to sit down on the floor, not caring about the amount of germs staining the fabric of your clothes. “I can’t do the surgery, I can’t go through this pain again,” you shook your head, playing with the hem of the shirt you were wearing, smiling mindlessly. “What do you mean? If you take the surgery, you won’t even remember Renjun or any of the pain you’re going through now,” Brooke then moved off of her place from the counter to sit next to you on the floor. Shaking your head, you spared her a saddened glance. 

“I can’t fall in love with someone that isn’t Huang Renjun. Even if I erase my feelings and my memories, my heart is still his. Right now, I rather dance with death before he takes me away instead of forgetting him only to fall for Renjun and relive all this pain again as if it’s the first time I’ve endured it,” you explained, sighing heavily as you felt your throat clog up, letting out small coughs, accepting your fate as you watched two or three petals coming out of your mouth in messy bundles. Your friends watched silently in horror as you coughed violently, covering your mouth with one hand and cupping your neck with your other one. 

Stage three of hanahaki, the second last stage: more than one petal coming out of the victim’s throat. The first stage being the irritable itching sensation deep in your lungs and the second being coughing out a petal and immensely difficult breathing. These three stages could still be removed by surgery, however, once you get to the fourth stage, there is no turning back. You were as good as dead, no doctor would be able to surgically remove the flowers (yes, by this stage, full blown flowers would be clogging up your lungs) clogging up your respiratory system. 

Clearing your throat, you glanced down at the massive amount of petals gathering on your lap, sniffling slightly as you gathered them up into your palms. “Sorry, can I use the washroom?” you asked, laughing awkwardly as you got to your feet, pretending to be oblivious to the horrified expressions on your friends’ expressions. “Uh-yeah, sure. It’s right through the staff room,” Brooke cleared her throat, not knowing what to truly say to you the moment her baffled eyes saw through your sorrowful ones. If you hadn’t told them about this, would they still be looking at you with such sympathy in their irises?

Smiling, you walked towards the staff room, turning to the left to reach the bathroom. Throwing all the petals into the trashcan below the sink, you let out a heavy sigh as you ran your hands through your hair in distress. You then fished out your phone to avert your mind, which was your biggest mistake of all. As your finger swiped your phone open, the first thing that greeted you was none other than Renjun’s newest instagram post. It was a picture of him with a girl you had seen a billion times in highschool; Ningning, with wide smiles on their faces and their hands intertwined together in the corner of the picture. Oh how that was the last, powerful blow your poor heart could take. 

Your stomach churned as tears sprung in your eyes, dropping your phone into the sink as your throat suddenly closed up, as if something was clogging it. Your heart ached as if it had taken one of the sharpest daggers in the world, the itching sensation that you’ve gotten used to in your lungs had now grown into excruciating pain as you began to cough as if you were trying to get something out from inside of you. Thoughts spinning, you could barely hear or comprehend your own surroundings. 

She was so pretty. Ningning was so pretty, prettier than you could ever be. No wonder Renjun’s heart was in her palms. Why was she so pretty? If you were as pretty as her, would Renjun love you just the same? Renjun had never even held your hand, how could he easily hold someone else’s hand? Why was he holding her hand when he’s supposed to be yours? Why her? You’ve known him for most of his life, you liked him first. Why was she the one who got to hold his heart at the top of her palms? Why was she the one who got to hold his hand and devote all his time to? It wasn’t fair. 

There was an inhumane noise that came from your throat, the feeling of liquid and petals coming in contact with your skin, causing shivers down your spine as you slowly looked down. 

There was blood in your palms. Your own blood. Staining the pretty, yellow, paper-like petals. 

There it was. A fully bloomed yellow carnation, the last stage. 

“Y/n-” there was a scream. It wasn’t your own. Or was it? It was as if all the shock surging through your veins had cut off every nerve in your body as you turned to your three friends, who were now standing in the doorway a few meters away from you with speechless, teary expressions. 

“I don’t want to die,” was all you could choke out. 

xi. enchanted

“Hey Renjun? I was wondering if you wanted to go to the planetarium today?”

“I can’t call right now, Y/n.”

“What, why? Are you okay? You sound stressed out.”

“I told you I can’t call right now, I’m stuck in traffic and Ningning needs a heart donor, quick. I can’t take you to the planetarium today, okay?”

“Ningning? Again?”

“Don’t be selfish, Y/n. Ningning’s mom asked me to take care of her when she’s not around. She has a heart condition, you have to understand that.”

“Renjun, I’m sick too.”

“Learn to take care of yourself for once. I can’t be there for you all the time, it’s probably just a fever.”

*BEEP*

“Renjun?” 

He had hung up. That was it, your last hope to save your own life. You even swallowed your own pride to ask him for help, only for him to reject and turn it down. Here you are now, in a hospital gown, walking around the halls during your free hour considering everyone else was too busy to visit you at the hour. The hospital's plain white walls stretched out across the endless hallways reminded you that your life was going to completely change after this, for your life is about to be taken away by these carnations blooming in your respiratory system. It’s been almost a week since you’ve been admitted to the hospital as a patient, the doctors claimed that it was too late to save you. Unless you wanted to try the surgery, they could perform an immediate operation, however there was a 70% chance that you weren’t going to survive. 

You were going to die, and there was no way to save you. Yet again, the man who caused this illness was also the only cure, the boy who had driven you up to this stage was the only person you wanted to see at the moment. It was almost laughable that even after all the pain and horror you’ve been through, you still wanted him to be here, to at least hold your hand once. 

Your ears swallowed up the distant, pained wailing of other patients instead of Renjun's laughter, your taste buds were drenched in lashings of your own blood in replacement of that mouth-watering ramen that nearly burnt your tongue. Not even the sound of children running down the halls in hospital gowns could blur or fade the hardest memory engraved in your brain ; Renjun's warm smile. His smile that will never be seen by you again now that his heart strings are all tangled up within Ningning’s fingers. All hope was lost. Even if you chose to do the surgery sooner, you knew you couldn't recollect and perform all those memories of the boy you loved ever again.

All the universe would do is push you into the same abyss that you’re currently in ; love. All for a certain boy who fancies yellow carnations and stays up at ungodly hours to eat ramen and do his art assignments.

“Hey, are you okay?” a soft voice called out a few moments later, snapping you out of your trance. Looking up from your dead phone, your aimless, dull eyes glanced up to see a familiar, pretty face that you’ve been disliking for years. Ningning. This was the hospital she was staying at too? Just your luck, cause of death number 2 was here ironically right after cause of death number 1 refused to save you.”I’m fine,” you shook your head, wiping the tears away from your face as you sniffled. “You don’t look like it,” she chuckled softly, taking a seat next to you, putting her hands on her lap. 

“Relationship problems?” she asked, tilting her head to the side, offering you an angelic smile. You shook your head, laughing nervously. “If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you? You’re way too young to be in a hospital gown,” she commented jokingly, earning a soft chuckle from you as you sighed and gripped on your phone. “First year of college,” you shrugged, leaning back against the metal chair as you gazed up at the ceiling hopelessly. “I’m on the last stage of hanahaki, I’m just waiting for this disease to kill me,” you exclaimed with a half joking manner, a loopy smile hanging on your lips. 

She furrowed her brows, shaking her head. “Don’t say that, you still have a whole life ahead of you, you know,” she encouraged in an enthusiastic tone, bumping her shoulder with yours in a weak attempt to cheer you up. “I’ve been here for a week now, I need a heart donor soon,” her facial expression showed nothing but content, as if she wasn’t on the brink of dying too. “You don’t seem all that upset for someone who might not even get a donor,” you placed your hands on top of each other, feeling more comfortable to continue on with the conversation as time went on. 

Shrugging casually, she played with her iv tube mindlessly. “I mean, it would be better if I lived longer but so far, I’m pretty content with what I’ve done in this life and the people I’ve met made me even more grateful,” she mirrored your previous actions by leaning back against the chair as if you had known each other for years, gazing at the ceiling with a life-threatening disease eating away at the both of you. Her words touched you, thus causing you to realize how different in the ways you both view life, how you had come to take everything that’s happened so negatively whereas she had probably been keeping her own chin up and being grateful for everything. 

Have you ever been grateful for anything throughout these past few months? You don’t even know anymore, that was how lost you were at life at that exact moment. 

Was this the reason why Renjun fell for her? Her angelic, kind personality? Or was it how she was enchanting and pretty both inside and out? Whatever the reason was, you couldn’t blame him for falling for her. You may have only made small talk but you knew very well deep in your heart that he wasn’t going to be happy with you anyways, his heart was still in hers and there was no doubt in your mind that hers is still a part of his belongings. You never stood a chance in the first place. 

You wanted to hate her. You wanted to hate Ningning with every part of your being, but you knew she hadn't done anything wrong. Renjun hadn’t done anything wrong either. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, it wasn’t their fault that you ended up on your own death bed. An angel like her deserved the world, knowing that she had been tackling this disease since your highschool days, you couldn’t imagine the amount of worry and grief Renjun had been going through for the past few years. You couldn’t blame him for using you as some kind of distraction during her absence. 

Ningning still had so much more to live for, yet you had nothing left. 

“Ningning! Renjun’s waiting in your hospital room,” a woman called out from afar, you assumed it was her mother due to the old age written across her features. Ningning’s head shot up at this, giving the woman an enthusiastic thumbs up before turning to look at you with an easy-going smile on her face. “That’s my cue, I gotta go now. It was fun talking to you,” she giggled, laying her hand on your shoulder to give an affectionate squeeze. “I hope we can meet each other again soon,” she patted your shoulder before getting up to her feet, holding the iv stand as she grunted. 

“Your boyfriend?” you asked with a smile of your own, your own heart screaming at you for saying such a thing. You had finally come to terms with the fact that Renjun wasn’t yours, you were just believing that he was. The flustered expression on her face said it all as she shook her head vigorously in denial. “No! NO! Just a friend from highschool, he has a girlfriend too! They’re super cute together,” she let out a small ‘pfft’ afterwards, causing you to giggle softly, minus the fact that your chest was practically in excruciating pain. “Doesn’t really seem like it,” you raised your brow at her, shrugging softly. 

“Take care of him, he seems like a nice guy,” you informed her seriously, reaching over to shake her hand affirmingly, earning a confused expression from the older girl. “You’re weird,” she shook her head with a disbelief laugh. “I’m Ningning by the way, what’s your name?” she introduced herself, laying her hand with the iv tube stuck to it on her chest. If she knew that Renjun was in a relationship, there was no doubt in your mind that she knew your name, maybe she knew how you looked as well. Perhaps she had forgotten what you looked like. After all, you went to the same high school before she moved away. 

Smiling, you waved your hand at her. “I’ll tell you the next time we meet, how about that?” you asked with a tilt of your head, letting out a small cough. Ningning shook her head, placing her hands on her hips as she gave you a pointed look. “We better meet again soon then,” she huffed with a small wave before walking towards her mother, watching you wave goodbye as she disappeared right around the corner, presumably to the elevator to her own room. A sad smile had replaced the previously genuine one as you stood up weakly to head to your own room with a weak grunt. 

It was over. At least, for you it was. 

Stumbling into your room, you quickly ran into the bathroom as you had another violent session of throwing up carnations and blood with tears staining your cheeks. It was a truly ugly sight, just like the state of your own heart. Ugly. Your throat burned the more you cough, your lungs and heart screamed and cried for help, begging for someone to free them of all of this searing pain. Hands gripping on the toilet seat as more inhumane sounds of your coughing and choking filled the empty bathroom, your heart beating rapidly in your ears as you sobbed in pain. 

After you got everything out, the only thing that came to mind at that exact moment was to reach the phone and call the only person you had left in your life. 

Of course, he didn’t answer either. 

“Hey Yangs?” you sniffled, your voice weak and raspy as you leaned against the wall and sat hopelessly on the tiled floor. “Can I ask you something? You’re probably not going to even bother hearing this out until like three days later but I just need you to answer me. Is it really hard to love someone like me?” you coughed out another petal, wiping off the blood at the corner of your lips as tears continuously streamed down your face. “My own parents left me, your dad left not long after I came into the picture, Renjun-” you stopped yourself from making things even worse as you took a deep breath to compose yourself. “I know you don’t like me much either, is it that hard for someone like me to be loved?” 

“Sorry, I’m probably bothering you from whatever the fuck you’re doing right now,” you let out a staggering breath, an uncontrollable sob elicited from your throat. “If you’re wondering why I’m not home, I’m in the hospital right now. I’ll be here for a while, I’m just having another one of those moments,” you shook your head, trying to remain strong. 

“I’m going to take a nap now, okay?”

xii. i love you so please let me go

“Thank god Ningning’s able to find a donor in time,” her mother sighed in relief, watching her sleeping figure through the window glass, putting a hand on her chest in relief. Renjun nodded in agreement, watching as his dear friend will finally stop worrying about her heart stopping at any given moment. 

“I’m so glad Ningning won’t have to go to the doctors for a check up every three days, I’m happy for her. She can live a longer life now,” he exclaimed, a relieved smile stretched across his face as he fidgeted with his fingers. “Though about her donor, I pity the poor girl so much. She has a whole life to live for,” the older woman shook her head in sympathy as she sat down beside Renjun on the waiting chairs. 

This caught Renjun’s attention as he let out a small ‘oh?’. “You know her, ma’am?” he asked, tilting his head to the side in curiosity with a small hum. The elderly woman shook her head but sucked in her bottom lip nervously, “this is highly confidential but since you’ve been here since day one I’m sure it won’t hurt to tell you,” she placed a hand on her chin as she thought about the girl who had donated her own heart for her daughter. “She’s actually someone younger than both you and Ningning, Renjun. I think she’s a student from your campus too,” she whispered, looking around to see if anyone was listening in. 

It wasn’t very good to speak ill of the dead after all.

“My school?” he furrowed his brows in confusion, an uneasy feeling settling in his gut. “A female student younger than me that also goes to my school?” he muttered under his breath as the gears in his head began to move. “Apparently, the poor girl was on her last stage of hanahaki and offered to donate her heart before she agreed to do a surgery to remove the yellow carnations in her lungs. Poor child passed away from unrequited love, honestly, my condolences to the poor family,” she rambled on, similar to how his own mother would ramble when it came to discussing Ningning’s medical condition.

Renjun's visage silenced for a good minute. That description could fit just about any college girl for all he knew, but his gut told him she wasn't just any mere young girl at campus. It couldn’t be, could it? It could’ve been just some sort of coincidence that his favorite flowers were yellow carnations; a symbol of rejection and disappointment.  If he knew anyone in his life who suffered a severe illness, someone who was suffering from one sided love while holding a broken heart filled with adoration and fondness. If anyone he knew was fond of someone 

“Renjun, I’m sick too.”

Your weak voice from the call you two had a few days ago echoed in his mind as his heart started to beat erratically in his chest, mind going haywire at the possibility of- 'no, it can’t be. It couldn’t possibly- could it?' Renjun’s breathing slowly became uneasy as he gripped the ends of the sleeves of his sweater, pupils shaking as he attempted to rationalize with his own scattered thoughts. 'It can't be.' This could all just be a coincidence, right? You were laying in bed with a fever not with his favorite flowers clogging up your respiratory system. At least, that’s what he thought. 

"In the end, the doctors couldn't save her. They said that the flowers in her lungs were growing so rapidly that they couldn't stop them from clogging up all the airflow. The poor girl passed away not even thirty minutes into the surgery," she added, putting her head in her hands at the thought of her own child being in the same position. "She must've been suffering such unbearable pain for the flowers to bloom that quick, she must've loved that person so much. I can't even imagine what I would've done if Ningning somehow got that disease."

Clearing his throat to cut off her rambling, Renjun nervously fidgeted in his seat as he turned to look at her with a heavy heart expression. "I'm sorry but did you happen to catch her name? The name of the donor?" He sucked in his bottom lip anxiously, fingers tapping against the metal seat but also gripping tightly at the same time, he could feel all the blood rushing through his veins as his heart continued to beat louder and louder. He could barely hear himself think with how rapid his heart beat was.

The woman perked up at this, her mouth forming an 'o' before humming to recall the name. "I think it was Y/n L/n? Take it with a grain of salt, though. I'm not entirely sure," she said with a shrug.

Oh how Renjun's heart had almost come to a stop at this. 

"Do you know her, Renjun?"

Stumbling up to his feet, he desperately fished out his phone from his back pocket with clammy, shaking fingers as a lump began to gather in the poor boy's throat. "Is she someone you know, Renjun?" Ningning’s mother asked once again as Renjun began dialing your number, muttering silent curses under his breath with every single beep his phone let out. "I know her. I knew her very much so," was all he could utter before his feet started moving as fast as they could towards the exit of the hospital and to the parking lot, desperate to get to the car.

-

"Y/n?"

"God dammit, please answer the call."

"That wasn't you right? It was just some other Y/n from our school, right?"

"It can't be you, right?"

"Please pick up the call, I'm begging you."

"Y/n, you can't leave me."

"Y/n, you're sick right? I'm coming over, okay? This time, I'm staying, I promise I'm staying for as long as you want. Please, just pick up the call."

"Fuck, I- wait for me, okay?"

"You wanted to go to the planetarium right? For our first actual special date. Let's go to the planetarium. Right now. I'm sorry I said no the other day, I'm not busy anymore. We can go to the planetarium now, y/n."

"We can gaze at the stars and spot constellations again. Just like how we did when we were kids. Dress up nicely, okay, love?"

"We can visit the flower shop too afterwards and get lots and lots of roses. It's time that I pick you some in return, yeah? You'll finally give me those carnations you promised."

"Thank you for being so patient with me throughout these past few months, Y/n. I promise, I'll make it up to you today."

"Can you please pick up the call so I can hear your voice again?"

"Y/n, let's finally go to the planetarium. Okay?"

-

'Hey Renjun, remember when you said you didn't like roses because they had thorns when we were seven?'

'Why didn't you tell me that carnations have thorns too?'

¤ taglist: @nct-writers​ @neoturtles​ @neowritingsnet​ @ankathi-a​ @songchan​ @tyongishs​ @nuoyi-city​ @jensrose​ @rensiu​ @aedreamzy​ @zhongtune @frickyratz​ @sunflowerhae​ @jccv​ @neoteez01​

#NCT WRITERS #neowritingsnet #neoturtles #ankathia #nct x reader #nct dream x reader #nct fluff #nct angst #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #renjun x reader #jeno x reader #jaemin x reader #haechan x reader #huang renjun x reader #renjun fluff #renjun angst #nct dream renjun x reader #nct dream huang renjun x reader #nct x you #nct dream x you #nct dream scenarios #nct renjun x reader #nct huang renjun x reader #huang renjun scenarios #renjun scenarios

[avintagekiss24]

—belated; bucky barnes

pairing: mob!bucky barnes x black!reader

word count: 4738

warnings: 18+ ONLY, smut, sex, rough sex, anal sex, biting kink, choking kink, spanking, pain kink, vaginal fingering, mean bucky (my fave), ring kink cuz i love it when boys wear rings

squares filled: @buckybarnesbingo Y3: Birthdays ; @badthingshappenbingo Biting ; @star-spangled-bingo N1: Taking Charge

request: bucky barnes + "pay attention to me or i'll make you" + anal + choking + spanking + biting + pain

author note: it's been foreverrrrr! i'm so sorry! i had to work myself through a little slump! hopefully this makes up for the almost two months we've gone without a fic! this is story #2 for my 5k celebration, all fics will be tagged #5k...holy god. this was formatted in the beta text post editor on desktop, if anything looks weird, that's why :)

gif by @pedropcl ; line divider by @firefly-graphics

James Buchanan Barnes is possessive.

One of those massive hands around the back of your neck as you walk casually through the streets. Fingers wrapped around your wrist, or shoulder, or hip in a tight grip. He pulls you in close— right into his side as shopping bags hang from the tips of his metal fingers.

Bucky Barnes wants every man on the streets of Greece to know that you are his.

Not that you mind; quite the contrary. You just smile and giggle when he throws his heavy arm around your shoulders and hooks the crease of his arm right underneath your chin. Slip your hand into the back pocket of his loose dark jeans (giving that little tush of his a squeeze). Slink your arm around his little waist and breathe in his scent— heavy and woodsy— as the two of you stroll.

After all, he’s just as much yours as you are his.

All of his friends, Sam, Steve, Clint, all see the change in him. The little soft spot for you that blinds him entirely— turns him in a mushy puddle of emotions and puppies and rainbows. Very different from the Bucky they grew up with, but a Bucky that the three of them have come to enjoy. It’s a change of pace from the enforcer they know.

The two of you don’t talk about his work— in fact, it’s the reason why you’re in Greece to begin with. A late birthday present to make up for the fact that his “work” just happened to be the waiter at the restaurant he chose to take you to for your thirty second birthday. Come on babe, he chuckled as you scowled back at him over the rim of your wine glass, watching as he stained his white napkin red with his bloody knuckles, you know what they say, kill two birds with one stone… not funny?

Two weeks, two nonrefundable, open ended tickets, and five grand in bikinis, shorts, and shoes later, you’re getting some much needed Greek sun on your deep brown skin.

He’s even letting you call the shots for a change. Letting you wake him up at the ass crack of dawn to have breakfast— a spread of breads, cheeses and fruits on the balcony of your room as the sun rises. He doesn’t say a word as you drag him through the city, stopping at each little boutique and shoe store. Sits patiently as you try on every dress, every skirt, and every silk top in the entire country it seems.

Bucky even bit his lip as you gazed at engagement rings— hinting that princess cut is your favorite as you held your hand up into the natural sunlight as one adored your finger. Smiling over at him and wiggling your eyebrows all the while as he narrowed his eyes and plastered a fake smile on his face.

Today has been like all the others, a lazy day spent on the beach, a quick nap underneath an umbrella, a concoction of too much sun and too many margaritas going straight to your head. Now, you’re kinda sleepy and kinda drunk, but most importantly hungry— and Mykonos sounds like a great place for dinner. Despite Bucky’s objections (you’re too tired and too drunk to handle a ferry), you’re dressed in a cute little flowery sundress, him in an out-of-character white tank top, open pale blue and green striped button down and khaki chinos— you forbade him from bringing anything black— and you’re flip flops are slapping against the cobblestone street towards the ferry.

“Drop your attitude,” You say, glancing over your shoulder as he pays for your tickets, “You owe me.”

“Yeah, yeah, that excuse is wearing thin, girl.” You stumble a little with the motion of the ferry as you step onto it, having to grab onto the railing to steady yourself before Bucky grabs hold of your wrist, “Water only for the rest of the night.”

His voice is low and borderline threatening as he presses his lips right against your ear, and you know not to press him any further. You like to stick your toes right up against his line and that’s what irritates him most about you (always what he loves most), but you and he both know you’d never dare cross it.

Bucky pulls you behind him, hand around your wrist, that possessive trait rearing its head as male eyes fall on you as the two of you pass by. He finds an empty spot, away from the crowd, and plops down on the bench as you step up on the lower rung of the railing and stare out over the sea.

Within twenty or thirty minutes, the ferry pulls away from the dock and you can’t wipe the smile from your face. The sun sets off in the distance, the bright lights of the city turning into little pinpoints. Small droplets of the cool, salty water splashes up in your face as the wind and the ferry whips it up. You keep glancing down at the phone in your hand as you broadcast your current view to your instagram, laughing softly as hearts and emojis explode on your screen.

You lean forward, tilting your phone and smiling wide, waving into the camera before you shout out how much you love it here. The words are barely out of your mouth before an arm wraps around your middle, a wide, hard chest pressed into your back, “That’s enough,” he reaches with his metal arm, grabbing your phone, ending your live feed, “You’re too drunk to be hanging off the side like that.”

“I am not,” you struggle against him lightly as he sets you on your feet, “What is your problem?”

“I’m annoyed.”

“Well, duh. Why?”

He slips your phone into his pocket and crosses his arms over his chest, sharp blue eyes piercing into yours, “Pay attention to me,” he says low, eyes dropping down your body real slow as he drags his bottom lip between his teeth, “Or I’ll make you.”

So that’s what it’s about. Bucky Barnes feels neglected between all the shopping and beach days and margaritas. Jealousy is cute on him.

The words though, they strike you right to your core— feel them down to your bones. A hard swallow pushes through your throat as your lips part, big brown eyes softening as your breath starts to rush a little harder. You hate to admit— not really— you love this Bucky. This is work Bucky, a man you rarely get to see. Slightly scary, anger brimming just below the surface. Jaw tight, eyes hard, head tilted just a bit. He’s menacing, and it makes your lips twitch into a small smile.

Shrugging defiantly, you cross your arms over your chest, “You didn’t pay much attention to me on my birthday.”

“Not true.”

“Not true?” you nearly shout, eyes going wide, “I ate alone while you beat the hell outta our waiter behind the building! I had to wait two hours for my slice of cake!”

“How is that my fault?”

You scoff, “Oh, I dunno, maybe because our waiter was spitting out his teeth in the alley out back— all thanks to you.”

“I have to work. You know that.”

“Not,” you hiss, “On my fucking birthday.”

He knows he’s wrong for that shit, so he stands there, huffing quick before he cocks his head again and just blinks back at you— unamused. He won’t apologize, it’s just not in his nature, but his usual attempts to make you happy after he’s fucked up aren’t working; so he’s at a loss.

And you’re enjoying that. A little too much if you ask him.

But alas, it’s not fun to fight on vacation, and you have taken far too many liberties when it comes to his tolerance for attitude. It’s been fun— and you’re just drunk enough to push him one last time.

You move slow, walking right up to him, so close that each inhale pushes your tits into his body. The smirk quirked up on your lips grows as you peer up at him, eyes bouncing between his as you place your hands on his forearms still crossed over his chest.

Bucky lifts his eyebrow as you push up on your tiptoes and push your chin forward to bring your lips close to his, “And just how are you gonna make me pay attention to you, James?”

He inhales deep, pushes it out real slow as he tilts his head even further. A smile spreads on his face and you just know that this is the last thing his work sees before he rearranges the bones of their face. This is exactly why his clients pay him as well as they do.

Thick fingers are wrapped around your wrist again, nails digging into your skin as he starts to pull you behind him. He weaves you through bodies, you nearly having to jog to keep up with his strides. Laughter bubbles up in your chest, a little shriek escaping as he pulls you down some stairs to the lower level of the ferry. Once your feet hit the last step, Bucky whips you around his body, sending you spinning and laughing until you bounce into an old, rusty metal barrel.

The smell of salt fills your nose and lungs as you inhale, covering your face with your hands. Your skin is hot, lips slightly numb as you dissolve into laughter again. He’s right, you’re a little too drunk for this.

“I don’t think we’re supposed to be down here.” You mumble, brushing your wild hair out of your face.

“I could give a fuck,” he answers, stepping up to you, grabbing your face in his hands, “You’ve been testing me the entire time we’ve been here all over some stupid shit.”

Another giggle pushes through your lips as you bat your eyes, “I wouldn’t dare, Mr. Barnes.”

Bucky sucks his teeth as he drops his metal hand around your throat and squeezes gently, the rings on his fingers cool against your skin, “I was stupid, okay? But don’t put on that little innocent act, girl. You’re trying me, and I’ve had enough.”

A smile cracks onto your face, teeth sinking into your bottom lip. You wrap both hands around his one wrist and slip them up his arm, feeling the soft metal as you continue to goad him, “You got some proof, big man?”

The tip of his black and gold thumb prods at your lip, pushes just inside. You wrap your tongue around it and suck gently, keeping your eyes on his all the while.

Bucky laughs, deep and earnestly, “Proof, she says. She needs proof.” He glances around before he spins you quick, facing you away from him as he lifts your dress to reveal your pink satin thong.

You squeal loud, pushing and slapping at his hand as he grabs a handful of your ass, “Bucky! There’s people!” you laugh, “Oh my god!”

“Keep your voice down,” he warns, wrapping his metal fingers around your throat again, “Understand?”

A jolt of electricity flashes through you as you wiggle in his grasp. He tightens his grip around your neck as you wrap your fingers around the edge of the barrel, swallowing hard.

“That requires an answer, honey.”

The chill in his voice, added with the slow circles and soft tickles of fingertips against the back of your naked thigh sends a pang through your belly, “I understand.”

He chuckles soft and with a quick peck on the cheek whispers, “Good girl.”

Bucky curls his left arm around your chest, hooking your chin in the crease of his arm as he grips your right shoulder. You grab on to it with both hands, out of instinct, eyes wide and skirting around for any signs of other human presence down here. Bucky turns, moving you with him to eye the steps quickly again before that flesh hand sweeps around to the front.

The soft material of your dress falls over his hand as he rubs your stomach— his rings catching and snagging your skin. That hand pushes downward, over your thighs, gripping and kneading the soft flesh before he grabs the hem of your dress and pulls it upward, exposing those expensive panties again.

“Bucky,” you hum, his name trembling on your lips with the vibrations of your excitement, “Baby.”

He rucks your dress right up— right up around your waist and pulls the slack behind you, pressing his body into yours to keep it in place. The dark stubble adorning his cheeks and chin cuts into the side of your face as he nuzzles in, humming to himself soft before he kisses the corner of your mouth.

Those fingertips start to trace the hem of your thong— slowly. Back and forth, back and forth. From hip to hip. Your eyes flutter. Fingers grip the soft black metal of his arm a little harder. Legs go to jelly as another hard swallow passes through your throat.

“Ain’t got all that mouth now, do you?” He whispers, fingers slipping just inside the silk of your panties to tease the delicate skin underneath.

When he slips his hand in— all the way in— cupping hot skin, fingers dancing between folds and teasing a wet slit, an influx of air fills your lungs. A gasp, small and clipped sounds in the back of your throat as his fingers start a rhythm. You melt into him, head resting on his shoulder as your hips push forward to meet greedy fingers.

A naughty finger pushes in quick, and then a second— all the way to the black and silver rings dressed on them. His arm tightens around your neck as he presses his lips right against your ear, “You need to apologize.”

He fucks his fingers into you, withdrawing slow, and then pushing back in— each time the edges of his rings stopping him from going deeper. You can’t help but purr as you continue to grip his arm with both of your hands.

“I don’t think—“

“All I want to hear,” his words clip yours, each one slow and drawn and deep, “Is I’m sorry for testing your patience. I won’t do it again.” He curls his fingers, the pads stroking that sweet little spongey spot, making you clamp your legs closed around his hand, “Let me hear you.”

You can’t. You won’t. Too stubborn and too drunk to give in to him, wanting to win just this once.

If there’s one thing James Buchanan Barnes does not like, it’s hesitation. It’s dangerous, he always says. You think too long, you get hurt. Predators don’t hesitate.

Well, you like being his prey.

Only a few seconds pass before Bucky tuts in your ear, seemingly disappointed in your obstinate behavior, but you both know it’s just the opposite. His cock pressing into your ass tells you so.

The fingers disappear. The arm choking you just right pulls away and your dress falls back around the middle of your thighs. You huff, wiping quick at your forehead and pushing your wild, curly hair out of your face again.

Your hands find your hips in irritation but he slaps them away quick as he sucks his teeth, “You must really want this spanking, girl. Keep it up.”

That you do— keep it up. Huffing again. Crossing your arms over your chest like a petulant child. Brown eyes cut back at him over your shoulder to find sharp blues already on you. A smirk on his face.

Metal fingers curl around the back of your neck, pushing you forward gently until your thighs press against the old metal barrel again.

“Lean forward, kitten.”

Voice as smooth as silk while you do so, gripping the rusted edges for balance. Your dress is yanked up again— rough this time— and twisted around his Vibranium hand. Then there’s warm, the warmth of skin against yours. Gentle brushes of fingers and a palm rubbing slow circles, then pinching and grabbing soft— prepping your skin for what’s to come.

He pauses for just a second, no doubt to scan your surroundings and then pulls his hand away. You lung forward with the slap he levels to your behind within a fraction of a second— the sound sharp and heavy.

There’s another, and then a third in quick succession before he’s massaging your skin again. Real soft and sweet. Tears burn at the back of your eyes at the sting that radiates through, all the way to your bones but the molten heat deep in your belly spreads like a fire. Each breath is hard and shaky, heart thumping against your chest but it’s so good.

Bucky switches to the other cheek, skilled fingers sweeping over your canvas of skin before he cracks you— one, two, three.

You squeal with each one. The thud of those heavy rings around his fingers send a quick, new shockwave every time, building on the one before it. The tips of your fingers go red from holding on to the rusty old barrel as tight as you are, but your brain? She’s fuzzy and warm, and drifting up into the clouds with each swift slap.

Bucky is a methodical man. Three for the right cheek, three for the left, three right in the middle. His hand sneaks around your hip, giving it a squeeze before it comes back around and drops to the inside of your thigh. Grabs the meat of it— digs his fingernails in just to hear you yelp. Cups your cunt in his palm, feeling the heat and the wet— makes him groan all low and dirty.

He bunches your hair in his hand, tugs you up by it. Spins you around to face him before hoisting you up and settling you on top of the barrel.

“You want me to fuck you so bad, don’t you?” He growls, ripping at the button and zipper of his jeans.

You just hum in response, wrapping your legs around his waist and throwing your arms over his shoulders.

Bucky grabs your chin, forcing it up before he squeezes your cheeks, “Huh? Answer me.”

Damp eyelashes flutter as hot air escapes from parted, hot lips. He leans in real close, cock pushing right at your slit and kisses you hard as he slips his arm around your waist. He breaks away quick, sloppy and loud before pecking your lips once, twice, three times again.

“You want me to fuck you, girl?”

The weight of his words are felt right down to your core, a shiver passing between the two of you. You let your heavy head fall back and your eyes close as Bucky nuzzles into the side of your face, his pretty white teeth skipping along your neck, nipping and nibbling.

“I want you to fuck me,” you whisper after mere seconds, finally submitting in this cat and mouse game, “Bucky, please.”

That’s all he needs— all he wants. For you to submit, after letting you have the reins for one day too long. He sinks into you slow, spreading you open with each inch, biting down into the side of your neck as he bottoms out. His teeth dig in a little deeper, a little harder as he starts to move, rocking back and forth almost succinct with the waves of the water.

You’re moving with him too, meeting each of his thrusts with your hips. You keep your legs tight around his waist, feet dangling and bouncing against the back of his thighs. A trail of hot kisses are pressed along your neck and down your shoulder before traipsing back up— teeth grazing along your jaw.

Long fingers skip up your side and between your bouncing tits to only wrap around your neck again. They squeeze, gently, as his pace starts to pick up, hips shoving harder and faster— that old barrel starting to scrape against the wood floor.

The force makes you louder, moaning with abandon as if the two of you are all alone on this little ferry. Bucky makes quick work of you, shoving metal fingers into your mouth— giving you something to suck on to keep you quiet.

“That’s a good girl.” he growls, voice gritty and low.

He’s punishing after that. Each snap of his hips thrusting you backward, the barrel you’re on top of tipping back and then slapping down on the floor. You yelp with each one, your mouth going slack around his digits as your hands fall to the edges of the barrel for some semblance of balance.

It’s obscene, the way you can hear your fuck. The wet of your cunt. The squeak of his cock plunging into tight, slick muscles. The heavy thud of his hips pounding into yours. The slap of your flip flops falling to the wood floor as he’s quite literally fucked them right off of your feet. It’s filthy— crude— and so very Bucky.

You’re back on your feet before you know it— before you realize it. Spun back around, Bucky’s hard chest and stomach pressed into your back. He grabs both of your hands and places them back on the barrel, his metal hand staying on top of yours, fingers gripping fingers.

Eager hips wiggle back into his as you hiss and sink your teeth into your bottom lip, groaning low. Your head drops when you feel his cock push through your ass cheeks— wet cockhead pressing against your hot rim.

He starts to fumble around behind you, each passing second making you more and more impatient. There’s a soft click, and then a light suction sound— something squeezing.

“Bucky,” you hiss, pushing back into him again, “Hur—”

The word breaks off right in the middle as he levels a quick smack against your hip— a warning. Then your ass cheeks are pulled apart, wet, slimy fingers sliding and prodding at your quivering rim. He brushes slow strokes, circling, pressing his fingers gently as he preps your little hole for what’s to come.

“What kind of freak brings lube to dinner?” you smile, gasping as he pinches the inside of your thigh.

You lurch forward when he grabs the back of your neck and yanks you back into him, lips right against your cheek, “The kinda freak that was gonna fuck you in an alley after dinner. Now shut that mouth.”

He’s pressing again, this time harder, his cockhead popping into you with force. You grunt with the initial intrusion, Bucky stopping his assault to allow you time to adjust to him— but that doesn’t last long. Your mouth goes slack again. Eyes slam shut, head falls forward as he slips in, deeper and deeper and deeper until his stomach is flush with your ass.

He wiggles— so you can feel him, feel him tickling the deepest part of you. Slaps at your ass again, quick, fingers glancing off your skin and leaving behind a hell of a sting. Then he’s fucking you again, slower this time, savoring the tight, glove-like hold your body provides.

Metal fingers grab at the hem of your dress again, tugging it up before they push back into your panties, finding a swollen, hot nub. Pinching and rubbing smooth circles against it, flicking and thrashing at the bundle of nerves before he shoves his fingers back into your cunt. They curl, those fingers, and pet your insides with surgical precision— only James Buchanan Barnes knows how to fuck you like this.

The heel of his palm slams against your clit as he fingers you rough and fucks your ass with gusto. Sleazy sounds gurgle up in your throat, the slapping of skin and the waves crashing against the side of the ferry, the rush of the wind filling your ears. Bucky pulls you flush against him and slithers his tongue just beneath your ear before his teeth grab a hold, tugging soft.

Teeth keep nipping— along your jaw, your cheeks, ears, neck. He fucks into you hard as he shoves his flesh hand into the neckline of your dress, gripping your tits. Pinching and kneading hard, thick nipples, mumbling sweet nothings all the while.

Your stomach churns, muscles tensing and flexing as synapses start to fire off in quick succession. Quick goosebumps pop up along your skin as your stomach tightens and you can taste it it’s so close. Bucky knows it, feels it as your walls constrict around his fingers, your asshole tightening around him. Vibranium fingers keep rubbing, keep fucking into your pussy hard, palm slapping against your clit, adding more and more pressure until the coil snaps.

It’s hard, and sudden— your body freezing as your orgasm consumes you. Bucky clamps a wet hand over your mouth as you mewl and bite into his palm, your hips thrusting forward with each wave of your release. He pulls his fingers from you to slap at your jumping clit, pressing the pads into it before he rubs quick little circles and then slaps at it again.

He drops his hand to your chin, yanking it up as you nearly cry, mewling and trembling with your release to kiss you hard and sloppy as you come. He kneads your tits with his mammoth hand as aftershocks flash through you, your used body jerking at random. Within seconds, there's a cloud of warmth in your ass. Rough grunts in your ear, growing louder with each spurt of his cock, your hot muscles milking him.

You let him use you, let him fill you up full of his silk. Grab his hands and lace your fingers with his as he empties long ribbons in you. Pull his arms around your waist and hold them there as he rides it out, his head falling to your shoulder. The two of you stand there, resting against that old barrel, breathing hard, skin sticky and balmy. Salt from the ocean in your nose.

Bucky’s the first to pull away, glancing back at the stairs before he pulls himself gingerly from you, leaving your body empty, a dribble of his come slipping out with him. He catches it with his fingers, drags them up the back of your thigh and between your ass cheeks before he shrugs out of his collared shirt and white tank top.

He cleans you up sweet with the tank top. Keeps his arm around your waist to steady you as he wipes at your thighs and your hot, sticky, puffy cunt, shushing you soft when you jump and whimper at the contact. He flings the messy tank top over the side of the ferry and rubs your hips and stomach real slow, murmuring into your ear all the while.

Diligent fingers then rearrange your thong— and cop a little feel, cupping your sensitive, swollen sex, giving it a little pinch so he can laugh when you shiver and squeak. Bucky pulls your dress, tugging lightly to get it back straight around your waist before smoothing it over your ass and thighs— even pulls at the top, making sure your tits are sitting pretty.

You can’t even open your eyes, overcome by alcohol and sleepiness and a post sex high. He fumbles with your fingers as your head lulls on his shoulder, a soft hum vibrating in your throat in your murky haze. Bucky lifts your arm by the elbow, sliding his hand up your forearm until he’s cupping your hand in his.

“Open your eyes, baby.” You groan in protest, causing a chuckle to rumble through his chest, “Come on.”

So you do. You always do whatever this man wants you to do— and there, right on your finger sits that big princess cut engagement ring you teased him with days before.

“How about we skip dinner and find a church, huh?” he whispers, kissing your cheek soft and sweet.

You glance at him over your shoulder, eyes wet as a smirk tugs at the corners of your mouth, “And if I say no?”

“You just can’t help yourself, can you?” He laughs as you adjust in his arms, pushing up on your tiptoes to cup his handsome face and kiss him on those pretty pink lips, “Then I guess I’ll have to fuck some sense into that pretty mouth of yours, won’t I birthday girl?”

#bad things happen bingo #buckybarnesbingo2021 #ssb2021 #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x black!reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes fanfiction #5k...holy god

[ppersonna]

keep me warm - jhs | m

cause you keep me and nice and you keep me warm. wanna feel you on me, can't wait to get back there again - texas sun,  khruangbin

✹ summary- camping is always a great time when you’re with your friends, but even better with your boyfriend, hoseok.

✹ rating- explicit/18+/nsfw

✹ pairing- jung hoseok x reader

✹ word count- 3.9k - she’s a short lil quick dip ;)

✹ genre- smut. lol thats it. cant say there is much plot here besties!!! but there is big brother namjoon, brothers best friend hoseok, established relationship!!!

✹ warnings- explicit smut, cockwarming, dirty talk, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (be smart pls!), sex in a tent, a little exhibitionism???, fingering, finger sucking, creampie, lil bit of cum play but not really, hoseok is a dirty dirty boy and i love that about him tbh

✹ a/n- helloooo. i’ve been sitting on this and finally finished it!! thank you to @kimtaehyunq​ for the sexy banner and beta reading and general support. i was inspired to write this fic when i went camping but pls be warned that sex in a tent is not as sexy as this fic makes it seem 🤕 ILY BESTIES!!! lemme know your thots!!!

The annual Kim Family camp out is an event you haven’t missed since your seventh birthday when you had chicken pox. It’s an outing that has gained notoriety among your friends, a monumental yearly occasion that takes months of prep in advance. What started as a simple camp out with your parents and your older brother Namjoon has become an event with extended friends and family members and significant others involved. Your parents handed down the event to you and your brother, claiming their older age keeps them from being able to keep up with “the youth” for an entire weekend, instead preferring to join for a big cookout dinner, then head back to the comfort of their tempurpedic mattress and functional plumbing back at home.

Not that you minded.

This year was different. Your cousins, Taehyung and Seokjin, would join with Tae’s girlfriend Maggie. Your childhood best friend Jimin would attend as well, bringing along his lover of the month, a tall and leggy brunette. Namjoon invited his best friend Yoongi, who brought along your mutual friend Jungkook. 

And most importantly, 

Jung Hoseok would be there. Your boyfriend.

Hoseok is no stranger to the Kim Family camp out. He’s been attending since he was sixteen after meeting Namjoon in high school jazz band and instantly becoming friends. You can vividly remember the older high school boy making sure you never felt left out in a group of gangly teenagers—bringing you along on hikes, and fishing, and general mischief.

It’s where you first fell for him.

Every year after that, you pined for Hoseok from afar at every outing. You’d lie awake at night in your shared tent with Jimin, desperately wishing the body next to you was Hoseok, wrapping his arms around you to keep you warm in the forest's chill.

Your relationship with Hoseok flourished after high school, when he was unknowingly in your chemistry class in college. Hours were spent pouring over textbooks together, cramming for exams and practice labs with a familiar friend.

Then came the coffee dates, the movie nights, the dinners. Hoseok went from an occasional study buddy to someone you talked to hourly.

The day he kissed you is a day you’ll never forget. 

Soft lips pressing onto yours over a bubbling beaker of magnesium, his hands cupping your cheeks as he drew you in so close, as if he couldn’t get enough of you.

“Be mine,” he whispered. “Please, be mine.”

And you’ve been his ever since.

“Aish! Don’t burn my marshmallow, ___!” Namjoon scolds you, jerking your long stick away from the fire as he sits next to you. “I hate burned marshmallows.”

Annoyance bubbles up in your throat as you roll your eyes at your brother.

“I wouldn’t have to do this for you if you knew how to roast a marshmallow without starting a wildfire.”

Namjoon, ever the strong-headed big brother, glares at you. “That was an accident and you know it.”

Hoseok chuckles beside you, resting a hand on your leg as you murmur expletives about Namjoon and a certain stick under your breath.

“I’ll eat your burned one, babe,” he says with a smile. “I love your burned mallows.”

Hoseok’s charm is a balm to all your wounds. He easily melts the ice around your heart and soothes your frayed nerves with a simple look.

“Thanks, Hobi,” you reply. 

“Please, no talk of my sister’s mallows,” Namjoon winces. “It’s bad enough you’re dating in front of me. In front of my salad.”

Namjoon doesn’t mean it. He knows how deeply you love him, and he trusts Hoseok not to hurt his one and only sibling. But it doesn’t mean he’s not above rubbing it in your face that he was Hoseok’s friend first.

Jungkook laughs from where he’s sitting, roasting a hotdog over the crackling flame on Jimin’s lap (“There weren’t any seats left!”). 

“At least he’s not tossing her salad in front of you.”

Yoongi slaps the younger man’s hotdog out of his hand and into the fire, making Jungkook whine and pout petulantly.

“Don’t be gross,” Yoongi scolds and Namjoon nods at his friend in solidarity.

Hoseok smirks and licks his fingers clean of the sticky marshmallow. “Besides, we didn’t bring nearly enough lube for any anal play tonight.”

“Hoseok!” Namjoon screeches and you bashfully bury yourself into your sweater. The rest of the group explodes in laughter while your brother holds his head in his hands, lamenting the day you two met.

Hoseok pulls you into his lap, grinning as he kisses at your ear while maintaining firm eye contact with your brother, eager to make him as uncomfortable as possible.

While you’re relaxing into the warmth of your boyfriend’s body and enjoying the laughter of all your closest friends, Hoseok nips at your ear and whispers gently.

“I love you.”

“I’m so cold.” A shiver wracks through you as you burrow down deeper into your sleeping bag. The night air becomes increasingly frosty and you can easily see your breath in the dim light from the moon. “It wasn’t supposed to be this cold.”

Hoseok scoots his bag closer to yours, rubbing over the meshy material in an attempt to warm you.

“I thought about bringing another blanket before we left…,” he sighs. “But Namjoon told me I was being ‘a boy scout’.”

You bark out a frigid laugh, teeth chattering as you try to snuggle into the warmth of Hoseok’s hand.

Pleadingly, you ask. “Can we share? Maybe if we zip the sleeping bags together we can make one big extra-large sleeping bag?”

Hoseok nods. “Good idea.”

He quickly gets to work as soon as you unzip your sleeping bag and move off of it, allowing him to take it and zip the two bags together. He spreads it back out over the soft padded bed once it’s completed and he slips into his end before beckoning you over.

“Come to me, my little popsicle.”

The fabric swishes and slides as you move into the combined bag, wrapping your cold limbs around the warmth of your boyfriend’s body.

“Holy shit, you really are cold,” he exclaims with a grunt when your ice-cold hands seek the toasty expanse of his toned belly. “Fuck.”

“Sorry.” Your apology is anything but apologetic as the high temperature of Hoseok’s body quickly oozes into you. “You feel so good.”

A moan slips out of your lips, pleased at the warmth that your boyfriend radiates as you seek every spot on his body that radiates heat. 

“Hold on,” he whispers. 

Quickly, he rids himself of his shirt and tugs at the hem of your own.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” You gasp as the icy air billows under your shirt. “Why would I get naked right now?”

He huffs. “Trust me?”

He kisses the pout on your lips, then pulls away with your shirt in his hands.

“Skin-to-skin contact is the easiest way to warm someone up. Body heat, you know. Textbook boy scout stuff.”

He twists your body around to spoon into him, back pressed against his ultra-warm chest, making you gasp once you feel the radiating heat spreading across you.

“Oh…” you sigh as you sink into his embrace. “You were right.”

Hoseok smirks as he wraps his arms around you and buries his face in the nape of your neck—lips pressing gentle, warm kisses to the column below your ear.

“Told you so.”

Your body instinctively presses further into his body, desperate for the warmth that the human-heater seems to emit. His breath hitches as he feels your ass press hard against his lap, cock stirring at the proximity.

Hoseok’s hands run up and down your arms, warming each inch of your skin with his palms. He spreads heat wherever he touches, and your eyes flutter closed as he works his gentle, warming massage into your frozen skin. He is the epitome of sunshine, both in body and demeanor, always able to brighten the coldest chills with one look, one touch. 

When he’s satisfied that you’re thoroughly warmed where he’s worked, his hands move from your arms and shoulders around to your belly and up to your chest. You feel like mush under his grazing touch, gasping and biting your lip as he tugs gently at your perky nipple. It’s a live wire to his cock. 

“Fuck,” he groans as he feels himself harden. He kisses at your shoulder as he continues to palm at your chest, taking the fullness of your breasts into his whole hand and massaging it gently.

“Hobi…” you warn, feeling the desire between your thighs build. “Don’t start what you can’t finish.”

He chuckles against your skin, breathing hot air over your neck and shoulder, tightening his grip on your nipple for a quick pinch that makes you squeak.

“Who says we can’t finish?”

His voice is low—that deep, sensual tone that sets your tummy aflame with desire. His dick is pressed against your ass, twitching with need as it thickens in his pants.

His hand moves from your chest, rubbing soft, sweet circles on your stomach as he warms the cool flesh around your belly button, before traveling down to where your sleeping pants sit low on your hips.

“We c-can’t,” you meekly attempt to fight back, remain strong, but the warmth of his body and the need growing within you is quickly winning your internal battle of morality. “My cousin is next to us.”

Hoseok smirks as he slips underneath your pants, hand diving in between your thighs to rub at your soft mound. He’s close, so close to slipping inside of you, and you squeeze your eyes tight at the overwhelming urgency you’re feeling for his fingers inside you.

“You think Tae and Maggie are fast asleep right now?” He asks. 

As if on cue, you hear soft giggles coming from the next tent over, giggles that sound suspiciously like Taehyung’s girlfriend.

“Tae is really not that funny,” Hoseok says as he nibbles at your ear. “Let me warm you, baby.”

He seeks your consent, desperate to make you feel good but not willing to further his actions. 

“Mmm, maybe just a little more.”

His fingers seek purchase further, finally diving into your folds. He gasps into your ear as he feels how wet you’ve become from his ministrations, stroking gently up and down your slick slit and circling over your clit.

“Fuck, look at you,” he nearly whines into your ear. “So wet for me.”

“Please, Hobi,” you whimper. You’re not sure what you’re begging for, what you need, but all you want is for him to not stop, never stop. 

“You want me to keep going, don’t you?” He asks, teasingly circling the pad of his finger on your swollen clit. 

Unable to use your words, you nod. The light pressure on your clit has your thighs trembling and Hoseok thrills at the palpable desperation you’re feeling.

“Are you going to be quiet for me?” He asks, slowly moving his finger down before breaching into your channel. “Can’t be waking up the entire camp.”

Using your hand, you clamp over your mouth as your boyfriend's finger fucks into your hole, slowly and achingly gentle but with purpose. A shiver runs down his spine as he watches you try to hold yourself back. You’re not normally quiet—he makes it his mission to get you to whine and cry and yell his name as loud as he can when you’re at home. But the thrill of keeping you quiet while he sinks himself into you makes his body hum with want.

“Good girl,” he cooes as he introduces another finger inside you, scissoring you open with his lengthy digits. “Better stay quiet for me or I won’t let you cum.”

He quickly removes his fingers from your channel, making you whine behind your hand, which he silences with a soft tut.

“No complaining. Be good.”

He continues his journey to disrobe you, sliding off your pants and panties. He throws them to the other side of the tent where your luggage lies, no care about you wearing them the rest of the night. He follows suit with his own pants, swiftly pulling the material off his legs and allowing his throbbing cock to spring free. You desperately want to touch it, feel it in your hands and in your mouth, but he keeps you facing away from him, cock fully out of your reach.

“Such a perfect little ass,” he murmurs to himself as he admires your backside before sliding back into the big spoon position. The feeling of his hot, hard length against your bare ass makes you mewl with desire, teasingly rubbing against it.

“Fuck, Hobi,” you gasp as he slips his hands back to the apex of your thighs, scissoring into you again and warming his icy fingers in the heat of your cunt. 

“Shhh,” he reminds. “Let me give your mouth something to do, yeah?”

He pulls his dripping fingers from within your walls and brings them to your mouth. You eagerly open wide, obedient and desperate for something to take your mind off the growing neediness your body is throbbing with.

Watching you suck your own wet slick off his fingers makes Hoseok’s cock ache with need. The tip is weeping with pre-cum, as if crying out to bury itself within your walls and never retreat. It twitches as your tongue swirls over his digits, teasing him and reminding him how well you can suck his cock.

“Shit, baby,” he gasps. “I’m going to bust right now if you’re not careful.”

He pulls his fingers from your mouth and uses the spit-slick hand to lift your leg enough for him to line his cock up at your hole.

“You want to warm my cock for me, baby?” He nips at your shoulder as he rubs the bulbous head along your slit. “God, I want to be in this pretty little cunt all night. Can you keep me warm tonight?”

“P-please, baby,” you gasp as the tip prods at your entrance, threatening to breach. He preemptively moves his free hand back to your mouth, covering it gently to help keep your noisy mouth muffled. 

“Such a polite girl.” Hoseok’s lips skim over your neck and ear, nibbling at your lobe as he finally, blessedly, spears himself into you. 

“Fuuuck,” he whines as he drops his forehead against your soft hair, shuddering as he buries himself to the hilt. “You’re so fucking tight.”

Nothing compares to the feeling of Hoseok sinking himself into you. It’s like the first time, every time. He clings to you desperately, as if he wants to bury his entire self in between your thighs and never retreat. Being connected to your boyfriend like this, not knowing where he ends and you begin, is the most dazzling aspect of sex. Your heart beats in overtime, breath short and heavy, as he holds you like you’re his only worthy possession in life.

He doesn’t move, doesn’t withdraw his cock and plunge back into you like his body is begging him to. He wants nothing more than to roll you onto your stomach and fuck you until you’re screaming his name for the entire national forest to hear, but he doesn’t. 

“Mmm, Hobi, please,” you whine against his palm, kitten licking the flesh there to encourage him to move. It almost works, almost spurs him into action, but he remains flush against you and unmoving.

“Just trying to keep you warm, baby,” he teases. “Skin-to-skin contact.”

He can feel your body tense and shake around him, core tightening as you’re desperate to feel the friction you desire. It makes Hoseok nearly growl into your ear, clutching you tighter in his grasp.

“Now you want to fuck me?” He teases into your ear. “I thought you were tired?”

A pathetic whimper is the only response you can muster. You’re desperate for more, aching for his thick cock to thrust in and out of you. His hand slips down your body, caressing each inch of your skin before landing on your clit, circling the nub teasingly.

“I bet you could cum like this,” he breathes as he slowly swirls his finger. “With my cock stuffed inside you.”

He’s right—your body is already reacting to the stimulation and you can feel your body clenching around his unmoving length deep inside you. It’s prodding you in just the right spot that makes you keen, core desperate for some movement. His added touch makes you whine into his palm still covering your mouth.

“That’s right, baby,” he praises as he bites at your earlobe. “Such a needy little pussy, so desperate for me you could cum just from feeling me inside you.”

The pressure rises, stomach tightening as you feel your body near the edge of bliss. You can feel your thighs trembling as Hoseok whispers and nibbles at your ear, fingers working your clit with just the right rhythm to make you see stars.

His finger swirls with delicate speed, playing you like the nimble musician he is.

“Look at you, I’ve only started using my fingers and you’re already about to cum for me.”

Holding back your desperate moans, your eyes nearly roll back in their sockets as you feel your body build closer and closer to the blissful end that it craves. Having him buried deep inside you with none of the delicious friction is driving you crazy, and the speed of his fingers on your clit makes you keen for anything he can give you. You’re so close, so *fucking close* to your climax that your vision blurs.

Suddenly, the telltale sound of another tent zipper opening rips through the relative silence of the campground and Hoseok stills his finger on you.

“Shhh,” he warns, lifting his head to listen carefully. 

The sound comes from your left, Jungkook’s tent, and you squeeze your eyes tight and whimper into Hoseok’s palm at the ache in your belly. Jungkook stumbles around the campground before he makes his way out, and Hoseok smirks as the footsteps get quieter.

“That was close, baby,” he says as his finger teases over your throbbing clit. “We don’t want Jungkookie to find his friend like this, don’t we?”

You shake your head, body trembling as his finger provides not-enough stimulation on your tortured clit.

He keeps quiet and continues his feather-light touch, pleased at the unexpected orgasm denial and the way it makes your cunt clench around his cock as if coaxing it to give you what you need most.

“You better not be loud,” he warns. “You don’t want to ruin our fun, right?”

Agonizing moments later, Jungkook’s footsteps return and he zips himself back into his tent and quickly heads back to sleep. He remains stilled inside you, listening intently for any sounds of the others awakening.

After minutes of desperate silence and your needy cunt aching for your boyfriend to move, he rolls you onto your stomach with him on top, cock still buried deep within you.

“You’ve done so well,” he praises as he leans down and licks a fat stripe on the back of your neck, making you shiver. “Take your reward like a good girl.”

Without warning, Hoseok grips at your hips and starts a brutal pace, fucking you fast and hard while staying quiet. It feels so good, better than the feeling of him being still inside you. Nothing can compare to his thickness spearing into you, stretching you wide. The ridges of his cock feel like heaven from the position he has you in, and you can feel the stimulation building upon your ruined, curtailed orgasm from earlier.

He quickly rams a piece of the sleeping bag into your mouth, forcing you to be quiet as he nearly impales you open, burying himself as deep into your womb as he can before retreating and thrusting in for more. You can tell he’s close by the way his movements lose finesse, the way his hands grip your thick hips as if he’s grasping a lifeline. 

“Gonna fill you up,” Hoseok whispers harshly, his voice taking on the rough edge that makes your body react. “You want my cum, baby?”

Your mouth is full, but your head nods quickly and you arch your back to let him reach even deeper inside of you, desperate to get yourself and him off simultaneously.

“Shit,” he groans as he feels your body accept him even further at this new angle, your ass high in the air. He grips it, enjoys the way the flesh jiggles in his grip and with each thrust. “Cum on my cock, baby, please.”

Hoseok doesn’t beg, hardly ever, so when he’s desperate for your release, you’re equally desperate to give it to him. As he pounds into you, taking full advantage of your prone body and lifted hips, the dam holding back your climax finally erupts, making your walls quiver and squeeze around his cock and forcing you to bury your face as far as you can into your sleeping bag to muffle your whines.

He wishes he could hear your screams, wants to hear the way you cry his name out as your cunt milks him, begs him for his own end. Another round of thrusts and he feels it all snap, cock pulsing out hot spurts of cum into your eager and waiting channel.

He pulls out of you, loving the way his cum follows him out, dribbling out of your spent pussy weakly. He lifts a finger and scoops it up, pushing it back into your juicy walls and nearly whining as he feels it wet and sopping with his release. You’re pulling the sleeping bag from your mouth, panting hard from your own release and turning around to look at your boyfriend, hips wiggling.

Hoseok smiles fondly at you, removing his finger from your walls and rubbing the smooth skin of your ass.

“Are you warm?” He asks with a smirk, knowing by the sheen of sweat on both of your bodies that you’ve successfully warmed up in the bite of the chilly night.

He flops down beside you and pulls you in close, snuggling into the sleeping bag while kissing your face gently.

Hoseok’s cock is still hard, still aching even after a release and you’re quick to grasp it in your hands, finally getting a grip on it for the first time tonight.

“Better keep you warm all night like I promised, huh?” You smile sleepily as you lift your leg to allow him entrance to your center yet again. “Keep me full all night please, baby?”

He is loath to deny you, and the wet heat of your used pussy feels like heaven. He holds you closer, pulls you in tight as he buries his cock as far as he can go, before kissing you sweetly once more.

He knows he’ll wake up in a few hours, dick throbbing with a need to take you for yet another round, but for now, he revels in the warmth and love and safety he feels when he’s connected to you in nearly every way.

“By the way, I love you too, Hoseok,” you whisper to him after a few moments of silence, recalling to the sweet whispered words around the campfire.

Hoseok smiles as he closes his eyes, body and soul in pure bliss.

And when Namjoon complains in the morning that he could hear the sounds of his little sister getting railed, Hoseok will let him know he ensured you didn’t suffer from hypothermia—that it’s his job as boyfriend to ensure you’re kept safe,

and always kept warm.

#bts smut #hoseok smut #jung hoseok smut #jhope smut #bts fics #bts smut fics

[uwuwriting]

A little early for that w/ Todoroki, Shinsou and Bakugou

Request: hii can i req a hc of todo, shinsou, and bakugou seeing y/n taking care of eri then they’ll be like “i want a baby with you” :D - anonymous

Don’t get me started on the latest BNHA chapter. I just don’t want to talk about it. I’ll try to make a double upload today so maybe expect a song fic after this one Love ya.💖💖💖

masterlist II rules

warnings: fluff

Todoroki Shoto 

-It was during Eri’s visit during christmas that it hit Todo. 

-You were dressed in a Santa costume just like everyone else with Eri gripping your hand as you took her around the room explaining all about Christmas celebrations. 

-It was a very mundane moment if you think about it. 

-You were being kind and caring to a child who had suffered immensely at the hands of Overhaul and you wanted to show her what the holiday was all about. 

-Now that he thinks of it, it shouldn’t have struck him like it did. 

-His chest became warm and fuzzy, his cheeks heating up a bit as he stared at you and Eri. 

-Then you kneeled down and brought Eri into a hug, raising her into the air so she could place an ornament on the class’s tree and it was game over for him. 

-He prides himself in being a rather collected person but at that moment he lost all sense of control over his emotions. 

-His mouth hung open and his chest started to squeeze, knocking the breath out of him. 

-He couldn’t help the thoughts of the both of  you owning a house somewhere not very far from Tokyo, waking up to you every morning , making breakfast with you and enjoying all the moments you shared. 

-Then other images flooded his mind. 

-Sitting in the living room as you steadied your toddler, a perfect mix of the two of you, helping them waddle towards him. 

-Him helping them place the ornament at the very top of your Christmas tree every time you decorated.

-He could see your smile so vividly he almost thought it was real. 

-It was a ridiculous thought for a 16 year old to have and he knew it but in that moment he let himself imagine it. 

-Before he knew it you were standing next to him, Eri running off to Aizawa excited to share what she just learned about christmas,  arms crossed over your chest as you let out a happy sigh. 

- “My santa work is done for the day.”

- “You would make a great mom” 

- *pikachu meme*

-He sensed your confusion *and so did your dead ancestors*

- “I want to be next to you when that happens.” 

-Girl you got whiplash from this whole conversation. 

-You couldn’t decide if you were soft and giddy since he basically said that he wants to start a family with you or if you were terrified because he said he wants to start A FAMILY WITH YOU WHEN YOU’RE BARELY 16. 

-In his defense he didn’t say he wanted to start now. 

-So you kinda calmed down. 

- “I-um thank you Sho. I think you would make a great father too.”

-Blushy blushy baby after that one. 

-Some denial sprinkled on top because trauma but blushy blushy boy. 

Shinsou Hitoshi

-Okay now third year Shinsou is a stressed Shinsou. 

-A third year you is a stressed you. 

-And a field day with your now ten year old somewhat trauma free adopted by your homeroom teacher child was what you both needed. 

-Shinsou is like a big brother to Eri at this point. 

-He has babysat her one too many times to not be considered at least a stable figure in her life. 

-You had decided to take a stroll in the park, the autumn air and all the pretty leaves making it a sight to behold. 

-Plus it had a pond with ducks. 

-And you love ducks. 

-Shinsou had brought some bread crumbs so you could feed them and that’s what you were doing when it hit him. 

-That weird domesticity. 

-You were crouched down on Eri’s height, one arm wrapped securely around her small waist so she wouldn’t fall into the pond and the other was outstretched with a piece of bread, motioning to the ducks to approach you. 

-It was a nice scene, picture perfect if you asked him and it did something to his heart strings. 

-Just like Todo he imagined walking home with you after a tiring day at your agency, your hands intertwined, matching golden bands circling your ring fingers. 

-He imagined a little Y/N being next to you and not Eri. 

-Vibrant purple hair sticking out at every which direction as they would throw bread at the ducks maybe even calling him over when one got too close. 

-He was so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn’t noticed you standing in front of him, waving your hand over his eyes so you could get his attention. 

- “Earth to Toshi!” 

-You giggled when he shook his head, his eyes wide as he stared at your smiling features. 

- “Eri is hungry-” “You are hungry Y/N-chan!!!” “- and she wanted to go get some good old onigiri from that new shop that opened down the street.” “Lies…”

-You side-eyed the little girl who outed you, her own eyes staring right back in accusation as you let out a sigh saying under your breath “I’m hungry”

-He couldn’t control his laughter as it bubbled from his lips, ruffling Eri’s hair while giving you a kiss on the lips as he circled his arm around your waist and took Eri’s with his other one. 

- “Can’t say no to my girls now, can I?” 

-It was later that night when he voiced his thoughts. 

-You were asleep in his dorm, laying basically on him with your head tucked in his neck as you breathed evenly. 

- “It’s a little early to think of kids but I can’t wait to have one with you.” 

-And with that he fell asleep his dreams being filled with images of you.

Bakugou Katsuki 

-You managed to get him to say that???

-Mister tough as balls?

-Mister imma roundhouse kick you if you look at me with affection in your eyes?

-Someone get this girl a medal. 

-But in all seriousness it was a very motherly move. 

-You were in your second year, the events of the war with the villains still haunting all of you so everyone was keeping an eye on their loved ones and their classmates. 

-Bakugou was no exception .

-Seeing people getting hurt severely, seeing himself so defeated and hurt during those battles had rattled him and he would always linger close to you, a slight paranoia having taken his place in his heart the past few months. 

-You understood why he did it, why he hovered next to you most of the time and if you were being honest it didn’t really bother you * except from that one time you went to the bathroom and he called you three times in a row bc he couldn’t see you and panicked*

-Eri was running around with Kaminari and Sero, the three of them playing tag with the one brain cell they all shared at the moment. 

-Suddenly, Eri tripped and fell, scraping her knee on the pavement, small tears forming in her eyes but she didn’t let them fall. 

-In a flash you were next to her, a hand massaging her knee around the area of the wound while the other one was cupping her cheek, your thumb making small circles on the girl’s cheekbones. 

- “It’s just a scratch. See? It’s not that bad.”

-Bakugou was just staring at the scene unfolding in front of him, his immediate thoughts being that you looked so motherly in that moment. 

-The concern and the reassurance reminded him of his mother when she would calm him down after he got hurt, before she became a pain in the ass *as he likes to say*.

-Without him even realizing it he made a mental image of your shared family. 

-A house in the outskirts, with a yard, maybe a dog running around. 

-But most importantly a little demon that looked like you, climbing onto your shared bed on his day off, nestling in between you two as it went back asleep.

-You making breakfast while having them in your arms. 

-He really wished he could see that now. 

-But he’s a little young and you wouldn’t really like having a baby before finishing high school sooo he kinda buried it. 

-He told you about it when you both were in his dorm getting ready for a movie night. 

-It was a more aggressive approach but you got the point of his little rant. 

- “I want to spend my life with you too Katsu.” 

- “SHUT UP SHITTY WOMAN!”

- “OI!”

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[goldilockswrites]

A Jar Of Stars

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Pairing: Thomas Raggi x Reader (she/her)

Requested: Yes (by the absolutely amazing  @hiraetheral)

Summary: Thomas comforts his girlfriend after her eating disorder gets out of hand once again. 

Warnings: Mentions of eating disorders

A/N: I want to make this very clear once again! This story contains mentions of ED, if you think this will trigger you, please don’t read. There’s plenty of other Thom/Maneskin fics on here and all over Tumblr, that you can enjoy. Now to anyone who has decided to read regardless, please know that an ED won’t make you appear any more interesting or lovable, I am writing this as it’s something I am struggling with right now and needed some comfort. Please, if you have/had an ED know you aren’t alone! (Just so you guys know, i haven’t proofread this, so if you notice any mistakes feel free to notify me :) )

Sending you all the love,

Axe <3

Tags: @wasteddoubts @teenyweenynightghost @wannabemarlenabutiscoraline @cheese-toastie-11 @unitersmoonshine @selenophiliaxx @mywritingonlyfans @l0standn0tf0und​ (if you’d like to be removed from the tags feel free to tell me :) )

© 2021-2022 @idyllicbutterfly​ on Tumblr All Rights Reserved

Add yourself to my taglist - Check out my other stories

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A single light bulb, bottom screwed tightly onto the golden socket, emitted its gloomy lustre into the foyer. The black canvas tote bag landed on the ash floor; the perfume bottle, poetry compilation magazines and wallet inside of it hitting the ground with a loud thump. 

Clamorous, London bubbled outside the white window. Scratched-up glass giving the view of the concrete jungle swallowing people whole. Y/N’s October orbs lingered upon the windowsill; a checkered shirt and a half-smoked pack of Red Marlboro’s. The fabric felt soft against her fingertips; a meadow filled with dandelions bathing in the honey sunlight. Bourbon, Orange Flower and Amber invading her nostrils. 

Gas flame-coloured sweater dropped next to the discarded items. Body - bones jutting out, hair - dull and thin. Y/N caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror that stood by the Alder front door. Bitter tears streamed down her face, Rhône and Arve confluencing on her neck. She felt all the little bacterias in her stomach fighting over the toast and scrambled eggs she had for breakfast. 

Awareness. She grew aware of every small organism in her; how they breathed, drank, ate. The overwhelming realization that she in fact was a home to much more than just a skeleton and a few organs made her breathing rapid. The click of an argent lighter and the taste of campfire mixed with chemicals - the only escape. 

- Amore, I’m back! - Voice, as delicate as the autumn breeze; the perfect balance between summer-hearth and winter-sun. Thomas swiftly untied his shoelaces, leather boots now sitting on the metall rack; sock-covered feet scurried against the floor, with gentle thuds. 

- Hi, baby! - Y/N giggled as the boy planted an abundance of macaron pecks all over her face; his copper hair tickling her neck. His slender fingers wrapped around the coffin nail, lips embracing the white stick, right where the scarlet marks of the girl’s lipstick were. After he exhaled, smoke spread around the air; little clouds slowly evaporated; the cigarette found its place back against the woman’s tongue.

- I got us some Amatriciana. Oh, and I went to that little bakery at the corner to get us some of those biscuits you like. - Just then the chestnut-haired girl spotted the teal bag on the coffee table. 

- Thank you, love, but I am not really hungry. - The lie stung like a cicada killer on the apple of her rosy cheek.  

The same sentence, just a different month. Thomas looked at Y/N's face and it broke him to recall how it once was. Her eyes used to remind him of hot cocoa and whipped cream; the scent of freshly baked sugar cookies and firewood, but now - they were blank. Now her once soft skin was stretched over her skull. Just eighteen and she had health as fragile as the one of someone who was eighty or more, her organs packing up one by one. He remembered how a year ago upon seeing him she turned her face to the hospital window, her pointed way of showing anger at herself, at the sunlight, at her brain. The only reason she didn't rip the tubes away was because doing so resulted in being strapped to the bed. "Anorexic" hardly seemed a big enough word to describe what had become of the love of his life.

A pair of warm arms sneaked around her waist once more. 

- Why, amore? Why? - The dams behind Y/N’s eyes broke open, a new flow of tears making her collar bones glisten. 

- Please, don’t leave me! - Her voice was on the brink, almost as if there was a blade pressed against her throat. 

- Love, I would never. - A human shield embrace. He was there with her; for her. His choice was clear; it was the brunette girl. 

Long, nude nails scratched up and down the exposed skin of her left wrist. She was anxious. The boy picked up on what was going on. 

- Amore, stop doing that! You’ll hurt yourself! - Thomas’ hand stopped Y/N’s, lifting it up to his lips, placing wet kisses against the plastic-like skin. - C’mon. I’ll put on a movie and we’ll cuddle. And if you want to then we can talk. 

***

The pieces of her torn heart that had been struggling to fit into this world, screaming to be accepted became quiet as she cuddled with him; it was as if they had found peace, as if they needed him to bridge their gaps and connect. The lilac blanket brought additional warmth to the couple. Y/N’s eyes fell to the jar full of star-shaped glitter. 

- I want to change. I will go talk to the therapist tomorrow. - The guitarist knew what she meant. Small wrinkles formed by his eyes as he smiled.  

- That’s great news, amore. That’s great news. - A kiss was planted against the top of her head. 

***

The lake in lustrous indigo and verdant, an enthusiastic canvas for leaden mountain tops, sprinkled with powdered sugar-like snow and saxe skies, brought its own artistic watercolour effect to the daytime. His kiss was steeped in a passion that ignites. It was the promise of realness. 

- I don’t want you to go. - Truth broke through the silence, like a hammer through an ice statue. 

- I don’t want to go either. - He let her nuzzle closer to him. 

- I’m scared. - Razors tracing over skin. 

- I know. But I promise, I’ll keep your heart safe. - Fifteen. He had repeated the same thing fifteen times already, and he’d do it a thousand more for her. 

- What if you don’t? I mean what if you fade away and then I am left with your name popping up every time I type a “T”, or our pictures in my gallery and your voice in my recordings and… - The same fear that riddled her eating habits, that got her to be in a hospital until two days ago, now sprinkled on her picture perfect relationship, because she was scared it almost seemed too perfect. 

- No. I am not going anywhere. I will chase you to the moon and back, if I have to. - Words much more than a promise. - Actually… - A jar of shiny stars covered in golden foil was pushed into her palms. - Here. According to the Japanese, when you fold lucky stars and give them to your loved ones, only good will follow them, love and change. 

- Thank you. - Y/N tucked a fallen strand of blond hair behind his ear. -  I love you. - But she knew no words could convey what she actually felt inside; a hushed feeling that had become a part of the oxygen she needed to breathe.

- I love you, too. 

#thomas raggi #thomas raggi imagine #thomas raggi x reader #thomas raggi fanfiction #maneskin #maneskin fanfiction #maneskin x reader #maneskin imagine #maneskin fanfic