#I should go work on French or my English paper some more but I literally Cannot sit still rn

[hoodieimp]

Locking my credit card up for the next month or so, today has been one Purchase after another--

#dizzyisms #FINALLY ordered a new mouse bc I'm going insane trying to scroll w trackpad #...then I went n splurged a lil on DR stuff #IT'S FINE I CAN SAY IT'S STILL ''USEFUL'' #just a tshirt and a lanyard for my keys! #but THEN #literally a fucking MINUTE after I paid for them #I GET AN EMAIL FROM FANGAMER TELLING ME THE JEVIL PLUSH IS BACK IN STOCK #SO I WENT AND GOT *THAT* #n emailed to ask em to see if they can combine both orders to reduce shipping bc Same Day Purchase n all #except. I was so caught up in the euphoria of Clown that I completely forgot to include the order numbers-- #so IG IM WAITING 4-5 BUSINESS DAYS TO GIVE THE ACTUAL INFO #apologies I'm in an anxious Vibrate-y mood n feel like Rambling abt Nothing in Particular #I should go work on French or my English paper some more but I literally Cannot sit still rn

[meimi-haneoka]

Thanks for answering Cinzia! No, you are right 😂. I should not be using older art style as any standard of indication of timeline. That was an interesting exposition. I had never read the CCS manga (or doujinshis) as a kid, but the number of *ahem* works which feature junior high aged SS I came across over the past few months is pretty concerning. On a second note, I was also wondering about Akiho's ancestry. As you once suggested, Akiho's clan might be the Reed clan, the clan on Clow Reed's father's side. From what I understand, the Reeds would be (again I am not trying to be politically offensive but still trying to be direct to the point) white-skinned. Clow, from what I understand, was very much biracial. Then if Akiho indeed is from the Reed clan, how was it possible for her resemble Sakura that much, enough for pass off as her twin? Even if we are to assume that Lilie was the Reed (with perhaps white Germanic ancestry) and her husband (who perhaps can be assumed to the one who had Shinomoto name and was thus Japanese in all probability) married into the clan and they had Akiho who was biracial (with presumably German and Japanese ancestry), it is still very unusual. Until and unless of course, one assumes that Sakura herself is not of a fully Japanese ancestry, especially given that her father literally appeared when Clow died (gave up his body?) and Fujitaka (and Eriol) were created from some kind of magical cellular fission (?). So, Sakura (and Touya) are of part-white heritage, that too from the Reed clan, explaining the resemblance. I am just thinking too much, am I not? I should just let it be, at this point. 😰 Also, what ethnicity does Kaito belong to? I originally thought he was some kind of East Asian looking Russian but his real name is of French origin? What even is going on there?

P.S. Dear God, this went into a very different direction from what I originally wanted to write.

Ohohohho this is a topic that has crossed my mind more than once, especially during the "happy sisters" chapters after Kaito activated the forbidden magic!! 😂😂😂

Long story short, the final solution to the dilemma I came up with is: suspension of disbelief! 😂😂😂😂 Yeah, I think this is one of the most prominent cases where you're supposed to look at them literally for what they are "on paper" and not what kind of ethnicity they should represent in the story.

I'll elaborate further; first of all yes, I've always had the theory that "the clan of the most ancient magicians in Europe" might have been the Reed clan, which also Clow came from. I thought it was just the perfect fit for Akiho: it's based in England, and we know the Reeds were an English clan; this clan got rivalry with the Li's in Hong Kong and again it would make sense if they were the Reeds, because those two families have ONE illustrious relative in common: Clow Reed, the most powerful magician of his time! In fact, it's stated in the Clear Card story that the "Squids" do have lots of resentment towards Clow. The reasons are unknown, but if they were the Reeds, we can easily guess them: he ditched that side of the family and decided to get closer to the Chinese side, living in Hong Kong for a time and leaving some of his magical tools with the Li's. And also, it would've made PERFECT sense for Kaito to turn to the Kinomoto family to leave Akiho with them: if Akiho was a Reed, and we know for certain that Sakura in some way does have a little bit of Reed blood in her (she is explicitly indicated as having "Clow's blood" in the story, and that's so important that they made the characters point that out in the anime too, where TECHNICALLY she shouldn't have any blood relations with Clow, since Fujitaka was never confirmed as Eriol's 'other half' of Clow's reincarnation), that would've ALREADY made Akiho a distant relative of Sakura in some way. So it would've felt way less forced and much more reasonable. Everything fit so well that I was almost sure we would've had this confirmation before the end of the story; sadly, we never did.

There's a VERY terrible translation mistake in volume 6 of the English version by Kodansha USA, where they made the Squids say this:

Please be informed that in the JP original the Squids never said "For the blood of Clow Reed...to be bested by the Li Family....is an unbearable disgrace", because that basically made them refer to themselves as "blood of Clow Reed", hence indirectly confirming they are the Reed clan. That's absolute bullsh*t and what they actually said is "THEY are of Clow Reed's lineage. We can't allow to fall behind them" and that connects with what Kaito said in chapter 68: the Squids checked every movement from the Li family because of their resentment towards Clow (and the Li's were connected to him). I know my theory sounded legit, reasonable and could've made everything more interesting and well connected, but a theory remains a theory if canon doesn't confirm it. And translation mistakes should never be so bad that they end up portraying things in a way that makes you believe what it was actually NEVER confirmed in the story.

Up to this day, we don't have a "name" we can call this clan with: they're simply addressed as "that clan" or "the most ancient magicians in Europe" in THE WHOLE the story (trust me, I've monitored that detail very well, because of my theory). They're NOT the Shinomoto clan, as many people like to report in order to simplify things. I honestly not even believe that Akiho's father's last name was Shinomoto, as Akiho seems c-o-m-p-l-e-t-e-l-y foreign to Japanese culture throughout the story. He didn't marry into the clan from "outside", because Lilie specifically says that he's a "distant relative", so he's very much part of this European clan himself. And if we have to go by how awful they are in the story, I'm pretty sure these people would've done anything to keep their blood line as "pure" as possible, without "interventions" from outside, if you know what I mean. Additional to that, Akiho doesn't even remotely mention a possible "tie" she might have with Japan: I know her clan never really answered her questions about her parents, but I'm pretty sure that if she was half Japanese they would've told her and she would've sort of mentioned it along the story. She's portrayed by CLAMP as someone completely foreign to Japan. And with a last name like that, if she was really half Japanese, if would've come up at some point (Sakura doesn't even ask about it, "how come you have a Japanese last and first name if you don't have any connection with Japan?"). I mean, Akiho did "confess" at the end that her true name is Cosmos, and I think that is the only true part of her name that we were allowed to know about her. Just like the rest of her clan, and Kaito, her last name is none of our business, basically 😂 I mean, even Eriol adopted a Japanese last name to fit better, even though he shouldn't really have any tie with Japan (if he's a reincarnation of Clow and got Clow's blood just like Fujitaka, then he should have Caucasian and Chinese traits in himself). As you pointed out, that should be the same with Fujitaka.

As for Kaito, I definitely thought that he could be Chinese at some point: one of my craziest theories was that he was actually a "lost Li", because the shape of his eyes is exactly the same of Yelan. Yeah, check it out if you don't believe me! 😂

The moon power, the fact that he's often portrayed with chinese-style clothes.... Alas, this theory went down the drain too. Or, at least, we were never given concrete hints about it. And then the fact that in his backstory he's potrayed in a cold land with a typical Russian hat made me think that he could've been of Russian's origins too, but that one seems to be even less plausible at this point. His true name is French, so it is legit to infer that at least in part he must have some French genes in him, although it's anyone's guess where exactly he comes from. I do identify him as coming from France, at this point, and that would be reasonable because it would still be in the "area" of the Magic Association, if they operate in the entire Europe (man, CLAMP must think that there's lots of evil people in Europe, wtf 🤣). It wouldn't have been difficult for them to go fetch little Kaito in France, coming from the UK, is what I'm trying to say. But as we never got any other confirmation than his true name (and CLAMP must have chosen a French word instead of an English one for a reason), it's really anyone's guess.

So all of this makes me just conclude that we shouldn't really wonder too much about things like "how is it possible that Akiho and Sakura resemble eachother so much that they could pass as twin sisters, if they're supposedly from two different ethnicities?", because I'm pretty sure that CLAMP didn't go that far in planning all of these details to the situation. 😆 You should just rememember that it's a fictional story (with magic, at that), so we should apply a bit of "suspension of disbelief! 😅

#reply #this ask was fun because this is where CLAMP really remind us to have fun and don't take things too literally when it comes to lore #but focus on the messages of the story #or what situations they're trying to portray #let these characters make you emotional and don't wonder too much about the technicalities ❤️ #ccs #clear card arc #ccsakura #thank you Aubretia! #akiho shinomoto #yuna d. kaito

[braisedhoney]

do you have a watercolor brand rec? 👀

i'm actually a really big proponent of using whatever's convenient for you, fr. brands vary in price depending on where you're buying them/where you live, what's available, etc. sure there are definitely differences between them, but especially when you're using professional materials it's actually more rare to pick something bad than to stumble on something serviceable.

(whoops this one got long too. under the cut it goes.)

some brands do, admittedly, do certain things better than others. sennelier (a french brand) is known to go down kind of pale/less saturated on the first wash, but they build really really well in glazes and have a luminosity to them that gives paintings a really interesting depth.

daniel smith (an american brand) has one of the largest collections of colors available i've ever seen and their earth tones are gorgeous and really unique.

QOR (not sure where they're based?) has WILDLY saturated colors that bloom so much it kind of looks like fireworks, same with roman szmal.

holbein (a japanese brand) doesn't move much in water at all and thus offers a lot of control to the user instead at the cost of more abstract or dynamic movement in water.

schmincke horadam (a german brand) was hailed as the holy grail of watercolors for a while for their fine pigments and wild dispersal, but that's kind of chilled out these days since so many new players became beloved staples, and some people aren't fans of wild blooming to begin with. in a similar vein, winsor and newton (english brand) has a very extensive history and honestly works as a super "traditional" pick with few surprises but a solid foundation—and none of that is considering the wild variations in properties between student grade paints or the many types of handmade ones that hit the market lol. some brands make great pro but weak student lines, and vice versa.

buuuuuut.

all of that is pedantic when you're starting out, and honestly if you're asking this you're probably looking to get into watercolor. at beginning or intermediate stages where you haven't gone down the fixation rabbithole, all of tha information is more likely to confuse you than help, especially if you don't know what you like or dislike about watercolor yet.

at beginning stages whatever established pro or student brand is available to you is probably good enough to build fundamental knowledge on.

my actual, legit advice is to pick a few colors you like, then if another brand has what you want get it from them. get a small set if that helps and just build with whatever you find lacking, whatever you aren't using can be replaced with something that appeals to you more. there's no need to stick to one specific brand name just because. just don't pick the super chalky ones that come in those huge art packs with the round pans, and you should be fine (and even then, i've seen some people do great art with those! i just don't like when it comes off like dust on my fingers lol.) general rule of thumb i follow is that if they have accurate pigment and lightfastness information, you're going to be fine.

art isn't really all that exclusionary when you do it for fun, it's just an environment where people started making stuff for smaller and more specific audiences to cater to preferences lol. hell, paint with coffee if you want to. life's short and painting is fun, might as well enjoy it for a while.

oh, but do use good paper. blah blah, you've probably heard it before, and trust me we're all just as horrified as you that watercolor paper is so goddamn expensive. but you could literally have The Nicest Paints In The World and they'd look terrible on bad paper that won't let you use the techniques people try to teach you. if you have to pick between good paper and mediocre paints vs bad paper and excellent paints, pick the paper. trust me.

#ney's art tips (art questions) #ney's chatter (ask answers) #wow this got long too #can't believe i'm talking about traditional art so much lately when basically all i post on here is digital #mainly bc trying to take a picture of traditional art without a scanner is a HELLHOLE #orz #genuinely i'm not even all that GOOD at watercolor #i'm just a massive nerd (and i mean RIDICULOUS) when it comes to everything that makes them/how they work/the super small details of brands #literally to the point where i memorized pigment code charts. where i know the differences in binders. #the difference between honey-based paints and those without it #not even a bee joke fr #my first watercolor set was... #eh. story for another time i think lol this is already too long

[carriagelamp]

Art of Aardman

I found myself a cheap copy of the Shaun the Sheep movie, so I was rewatching a bunch of Aardman films earlier this month and decided to hunt down some books too. For anyone that doesn’t know, Aardman is a British stop-motion studio that does fantastic work like Wallace and Gromit, Shaun the Sheep, Chicken Run, Early Man… tons of cool stuff. They’re always quirky and funny and warm-hearted. This was just a very nice art book for anyone that’s a fan of Aardman stop motion and wants to see a bit extra; it shows some cool concept art and blows up the neat details in Aardman work, especially in their intricate stuff like The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists!

Asterix and the Picts (Asterix and the Chariot Race, and How Obelix Fell Into The Magic Potion)

I decided to try a couple of the new Asterix comics that were done by the new team, just to see if they stand up to the old ones (that and How Obelix Fell Into The Magic Potion cause I’d never read that one before). They were pretty decent! Asterix and the Picts was my favourite of the two though I wouldn’t say either are going to contest for my favourite Asterix comic... but still! The art looks good and the stories felt like what I would expect, they made for a pleasant couple evenings of reading especially since it’s been so long since I’ve read a new Asterix comic. If you’ve never read Asterix it’s one of the biggest name French comic series in North America, as far as I know and very worth the read. It’s about a single Gaulish village that’s holding out against the invading Romans through sheer force of will, slapstick hijinks, and a magical super-strength potion brewed by their druid. Lots of fantastic visuals and cute wordplay, even in the English translations.

Bear

I found out about this bastion of Canadian literature via tumblr post that was losing its collective mind over the fact that some bizarre bear-based erotica novella somehow won the most prestigious literary prize available in Canada. Since I too found this hilarious and unspeakably bizarre I had to give it a read, obviously. And yes, the flat surface level summary is... a librarian moves out into rural Ontario and falls in love with a literal for-real not-supernatural-not-a-joke bear. And I have to say… it is actually worthy of an award, which I was not expecting given that I was there for a laugh. It has beautiful writing, and the subtextual story is pretty interesting… it kind of makes me think of The Haunting of Hill House actually in terms of themes. (Womanhood, personhood, independence, autonomy partially achieved through escaping the male gaze by claiming non-human lovers... listen if I were still in university I would right a paper comparing the two novels).

I dunno man, it’s fucking weird. Actually a well-written book, but sure is about a woman falling in love with a literal bear. Give it a read if you want something bonkers but like… high-brow bonkers.

Hunger Pangs: True Love Bites

Best book I have read in like… a while. A long while. I am not a fast reader, and I consumed 90% of this book over a weekend. It’s not at all like Terry Pratchett, but at the same time it scratched an itch for me that I haven’t had satisfied since Pratchett’s death. A very clever, hilariously funny poly romance between a disabled werewolf, an anxious vampire lord, and an incredibly powerful woman, with heaps of social satire, political commentary, and sinister undertones. The whole thing reads a bit like fanfiction and I say that in the most flattering way possible -- it is so easy to jump right in and be immediately taken over by the characters and the world and the plot, you never feel like you’re fighting to engage even though the world-building is fascinating and expansive. It welcomes you in right away, it was the book equivalent of a quilt and a hug which is something I sorely needed with all this pandemic bullshit. If you read any of the books on this list, go read that one while I sit here in pain waiting for the sequel.

Kid Paddle

I watched the cartoon of Kid Paddle as a kid and was thinking about it recently, so I decided to hunt down some of the original comics online. They’re fun and weird, with a cute art style and fantastic monsters designs. (My favourites are always about Kid either daydreaming or playing games that involve Midam’s weird warty troll creatures. It’s like a cross between Calvin and Hobbes and Foxtrot with the fun sort of quirks that I love in Belgian comics. Unfortunately, unlike Asterix, I’ve only come across these ones in French, but if you can read French it’s totally worth popping over to The Internet Archive and reading the ones they have available.

The Last Firehawk: The Golden Temple

The lastest Firehawk book. Despite being written for quite young readers, I did enjoy the early books in this series quite a bit. They’re about a young owl and squirrel who found an egg for a magical species that was believed to be extinct. With the newly hatched firehawk, the three of them head off on a mission to find an ancient firehawk magic that could save the entire forest. Very basic adventure story but a good intro to the tropes for children. Unfortunately the quality really feels like it drops with each subsequent book; this will probably be the last one I bother reading.

Lumberjanes: The Moon Is Up

I honestly think I enjoy these Lumberjanes novels even more than the comics just because it really gives time to delve into each story and examine how the camper are really thinking and feeling about everything. (Also I’m always weak for novelizations of anything.) The Moon Is Up is a book that focuses more on Jo, and takes place during the camp’s much anticipated Galaxy Wars, a competition between cabins that goes over several days. While the campers prepare for these challenges though, they also run into a strange little creature with a penchant for cheese and theft. Roanoke cabin needs to keep ahead in Galaxy Wars and somehow deal with the fearsome Moon Pirates that a closing in...

Lumberjanes v4 (Out Of Time)

One of the Lumberjanes comics, a cool, girl-focused, queer comic series. Honestly, this is just a fun series that I never got as into as I should have. My advice is honestly to skip book one because it gets better as it continues, and I’ve really been enjoying the later books now that I’ve given it another go. It follows five campers at Miss Qiunzella Thiskwin Penniquiqul Thistle Crumpet’s Camp for Hardcore Lady Types (Jo, April, Molly, Mal, and Ripley) as they handle all sorts of challenges, from friendship to crushes, camp activities to supernatural horrors, getting badges to not being brutally killed. Great if you liked the vibe of Gravity Falls but want it to be queer-er.

Mooncakes

Another queer graphic novel, but unfortunately not a very good one. It really looked appealing and I had high hopes, but the book itself really didn’t hold up… I actually couldn’t even finish it, the plot was just too… non-existent. The art is fairly mediocre once you actually look at it, especially backgrounds, and it feels very… placid. Not much conflict or excitement or even a very compelling reason to keep reading. If you just want a soft queer supernatural you may get more mileage out of it than me, but it didn’t really do it for me. There’s better queer graphic novels out there.

New Boy In Town

One of the worst books I have ever read. My girlfriend had ordered a very different book online but through a frankly stupendous error was sent this 1980s pulp romance instead. Absolutely nauseating on levels I couldn’t even begin to enumerate here. Naturally we read the whole thing out loud. Probably took us 10 times longer to finish than it warranted because I had to stop every two sentences to lose my mind. If you like bad decisions, baffling hetero courting rituals, built-in cultural Christianity without actually calling it that, and gold panning then boy howdy is this the book for you.

(seriously, you better have patience for gold-panning if you attempt this one, because I sure learn that I don’t)

Piggies

This was a picture book I enjoyed as a kid and had a reason to reread recently. Honestly it’s just very cute and simple, and the art is completely mesmerizing. Wonderful if you know a young child that would enjoy a simple goofy boardbook.

Shaun the Sheep: Tales From Mossy Bottom

Related to my Aardman fascination earlier this month. I tried reading a varieties of Shaun the Sheep books — most of which are mediocre at best — but the Tales From Mossy Bottom Farm series is genuinely good. Just chapter books, of course, but the illustrations match the series’ concept art and each story feels like it could have jumped directly out of an episode. They’re just cute and feel-good! Kinda like Footrot Flats but more for kids, and from the sheep’s perspective moreso than the dog’s.

#aardman animation #shaun the sheep #lumberjanes #kid paddle #asterix #the last firehawk #hunger pangs: true love bites #marian engel #bear #canadian literature #canlit #queer lit #book review #book reviews #chatter

[thetimelordofcamelot]

Hi, I’m going to give you some GCSE advice and I know you are going to listen cause these exams are hard and you need all the help you can get.

Anyway, let me introduce myself. I’m Harri and I got eight grade 9s and two grade 8s at GCSE (those two eights still haunt me to this day) while recovering from major surgery which involved being on strong painkillers. I think I’m qualified to give you advice. I’m going to do this subject by subject so you only need to read the bits relevant to you.

English Language: learn how to do the questions using Mr Bruff videos on YouTube. Other than that just make sure you know grammar and punctuation and have a wide vocabulary. Reading a lot also helps.

English Literature: you NEED to know your quotes. It’s almost half the marks. So this means flashcards, quizlet sets, rereading the set texts and watch the film adaptations so many times. (I watched the BBC’s An Inspector Calls so many times I can literally quote the whole thing back it’s so sad.) Seneca learning website can be quite good for quotes.

Maths: practice, practice, PRACTICE. The CGP books are good for notes and the websites physics and maths tutor, maths genie and Corbett maths are good for questions. Do every past paper you can find, even ones from other exam boards because the exams are almost exactly the same.

Science: I did triple science but these would work for double too: don’t learn all the crap in the textbook, just learn what is on the specification. Download it to your computer or print it out or something. Just make sure you can access it. Use quizlet or flashcards for key terms and equations (only learn the equations NOT on the equation sheet, I made this mistake and wasted hours). I personally didn’t do well with freesciencelessons even though everyone seems to love that guy, I actually found Primrose Kitten much more helpful. However, her “entire of GCSE xxxx in xx hours” videos are a bit pointless. A lot of people use them as night before the exam revision but it’s much more productive to do flashcards and active recall, passive revision won’t get you anywhere. Seneca learning is a bloody life saver, I promise you. Also, learn your required practicals because I guarantee you will be asked about at least two in the exam.

Languages: (I did French but these should work for all languages, I taught myself Latin at the same time and used most of the same techniques.) Learn vocabulary using quizlet or flashcards. Duolingo is good as you can practice speaking, writing, reading and listening. I personally didn’t find Memrise that helpful for GCSE as it’s too conversational but if you want to use it, it’s not bad. Seneca learning is absolutely brilliant for languages. Try and listen to music and podcasts or read books in the language. You can watch films with subtitles too but I just ended up getting distracted by the film and not learning anything! If you have friends who take the same language you could practice speaking together or even text in the language. I did this with friends and it helped so much with spontaneous responses in the language, which helped in my speaking exam. If you don’t have friends who take the language or friends at all, the apps Tandem and HelloTalk are good.

History: I’m not going to sugarcoat it, history is hard. It’s the hardest GCSE I did. I started at a grade 4 and managed to get a grade 9 so it can be done. However, for every hour I spent on another subject, I spent two hours on history. I found it super difficult. But I had friends who were getting 7s and above right off the bat so it really does depend. I’m not an essay person. Anyway… Don’t spend ages writing notes and making them concise because with history there is no such thing as concise. You have to learn everything in painful detail. My best advice is learn your details like dates, names, places, book titles etc. Make flashcards and quizlets and just learn them. It’s hard, it’s boring but it’s literally half the marks. Also, make sure you are actually answering the question, not just writing a chronological story of the event. If you get bored revising the dates, there’s some good YouTube videos and also Seneca learning which can help with the bigger picture and can be a bit more fun. For the exams, make sure you have a plan and know how long you will spend on each question depending on how many marks they’re worth and how difficult you find that topic. The only thing I have to say now is good luck with history.

Computer Science: I must admit that computer science has always come naturally to me. I picked up coding pretty quickly in year 9 before I even started the GCSE and my teacher was amazing and taught the theory in a really memorable way. My first bit of advice is to learn python. It’s the easiest coding language to use for your coursework and it’s an acceptable pseudo code to use in exam questions. Also, practice the long answer questions about ethics and legal stuff because they are easy marks if you know how to answer them. And as with most subjects, flashcards and quizlets are great. There’s also an amazing YouTube channel called CraignDave. I’ve been using them for my A Level as well and they’ve been sooo helpful! Their videos explain everything on the specification and they are really easy to make notes from. Physics and maths tutor also has some good notes.

Music: GCSE music and I didn’t always see eye to eye. This is possibly to do with the fact that the music department in my school was very elitist. There was two tiers of club as well, the open ones which I was in (I did jazz band, orchestra and choir) and the elitist invite only ones. I never got invited to the invite only ones. But my best friend did and I was basically always in her shadow. Anyway, I got a 9 and I’m smug about it, because I always felt second best. Enough about me. LEARN GRADE 5 MUSIC THEORY. It’ll make your life so much easier as a lot of questions require the literal theory and it’s useful for the long answers as it gives you a wider range of features to reference.

I hope you found this helpful. Good luck, and remember you are only as good as your last exam.

#gcse #studyblr

[angsty-omi]

pull the trigger.

CEO!Akaashi x Agent!Reader

synopsis: You were assigned to kill one of the richest businessmen in Japan, Akaashi Keiji. How? by getting close to him. By pretending to be an innocent, naive little girl. By pretending you actually enjoy his company. By pretending that you actually loved him. The plan was simple enough, and if you were successful, you’d be rich enough to retire for yourself and your future grandchildren. So, what happens when you couldn’t pull the trigger? Even worse, why didn’t he flinch?

“Agent Y/N, you’ve been assigned.” your boss notified.

It’s been so long since you had been assigned. After you accidentally blew up the evidence last mission, your boss hasn’t been to keen depending on you. This was music to your ears, so what did you do? Jumped gleefully and instinctively squeezed your boss. You realized what you were doing and how unprofessional it was, so you slowly latched off of her. Your boss just coughed awkwardly before she began, “This assignment is a big one, meaning there must be no flaws to this plan. One mistake and you’re done for, literally.” ending with a slit-throat gesture. You were confident in your skills, and aside from that one mission, everyone depended on you. No wonder why your boss came to you for this. You glad-fully shook her hand, in which expressed your disparity for a new high.

To start, you had to change your look a bit. See, you researched Akaashi Keiji, from his likes and dislikes to his convictions. Every conviction he got away with money. Dirty bastard. Every single job left you guilt-less because you knew these people were corrupt and somehow reasoned that your job was ethical. First, you started with a trim. Your split ends would’ve definitely caught the eyes of the girls from his front desk. Then, you used the budget money for this mission to buy luxury items. From Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Hermes, was this really for the mission or for yourself? No one really knows. Finally, and most importantly, you had to snatch a job as his personal assistant. The organization already falsified documents for you. After today, you go by ‘Akiyama Ami.’ As you walked out of your office, your coworkers couldn’t even recognize you. One even put a gun to your head, and having to state who you are.

You smirked, “Matsuda, I am deeply saddened if this is how you treat your advisor,” whispering in his ear. 

“Senior Y-Y/N?,” he stuttered, putting his gun away immediately. You grabbed his arm and forcefully pushing it to his back, “please make sure you never make that mistake again,” you stated. 

“Y/N, leave him alone already,” a voice joked.

You knew that voice. It was your long time partner, Atsumu. From when you both were rookies, you guys worked cases together quite often. Never more than that. 

“Atsumu, this is my first case without you... aren’t you going to miss me?” you pouted. 

“Don’t give me that look, idiot. Be safe out there okay? I can’t always save your ass like from that time you exploded our only evidence.” he shook his head in disappointment.

You punched his shoulder, and he ‘over-dramatically’ ached in pain. “I’ll be fine, Atsumu. Plus our person literally looks like a prissy privileged boy, doesn’t he?” you pulled up Akaashi’s Business Insider profile. For the next ten minutes, you guys were bullying the hell out of him. Until finally, you had to go. Your cab was already ready for you, so you hugged Atsumu goodbye. Platonically, you always thought you’d get married to him. He was handsome, strong, and witty. And he knew your job situation, so you never would have to feel judgement from him. 

From the cab ride, you got to fly in a private jet. There, was your boss, two intelligent analysis, and a linguist. This was your team, and who’d you tell your intel to. The whole flight consisted of breaking down the plan, even down to what time you have to walk in the elevator. The destination was in Tokyo, where Akaashi’s main headquarters lived. 

“I’ve made an appointment for your job interview,” One of them said.

“Here’s your resume,” The other said.

As you skimmed through, you spit your drink.

“I can speak more than five languages?!” your eyes widened.

“壊れた日本語で話せます” you quoted.

“What does that mean?” your boss asked looking at you surprisingly.

“It means I can only speak broken Japanese,” you nervously scratched your head.

“It wouldn’t matter, the job application is asking for english-speakers” the linguist stated.

As the plane started to screech, due to the wheels contact with concrete, you knew it was your time to shine. You practiced all your lines during the flight, so confidence soared through your body. On sight, there was a limo waiting for you. You waved goodbye to your team, and entered the lanky vehicle. 

The condominium the organization gave you was luxurious, their budget must’ve been high-grade. Broad birched doors, huge window panels that let in a lot of natural light, and a master bedroom. Your first move was to jump on the feather-light bed. Your feet sunk deep into the mattress every hop. Leaving you tired, you went straight to sleep. 

Today was your job interview. Even though everything was fake, you couldn’t help but feel nervous. If you didn’t go down the agency path, is this what you would’ve felt as a normal person? While the coffee was brewing, you decided to look at your grand closet, not knowing what to wear. There was already an outfit set out for you. With it, there was a note:

Good luck! ;) -Atsumu

As you read it, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. The outfit he picked wasn’t even that bad. It was an emerald green two-piece, with a pale blouse underneath. 

“Not so bad,” you thought, while looking at yourself in the mirror. 

There, stood the building where the infamous person lived worked. Heels tapping the black marble, you stood in front of the front desk. The girls that worked there looked roughly young, around their early 20s. As they stared at you up and down, you could feel their judgement. 

“Welcome to Fukurodani Headquarters, how may we help you?” One girl asked.

“Hi, I’m Akiyama Ami, I’m actually applying for the personal assistant job. Where could I meet my interviewer?” You warmly asked.

The girls bursted into laughter. What was so funny? Did you miss out on the joke?

“Excuse us, its just... that’s one way to call Akaashi Keiji,” 

“Akaashi Keiji... is the interviewer? That’s even more stressful than a random person. It does make sense though, as a personal assistant there should be a close relationship,” you sighed.

“Close relationship? Please, you’ll be lucky if you can even give him coffee. Get in line.” The front desk scoffed in agreement with each other. 

“That’s enough,” a voice commanded.

“Are you Akiyama Aki? I’m ready for you.” 

Your face went pale. As you slowly turned around, there he was. The man himself, Akaashi Keiji. As an agent, you’ve went through strenuous training, so from the outside you looked relaxed as ever, but on the inside the butterflies in your stomach started awakening. He was a very attractive man after all.

“You must be Mr. Akaashi, let’s begin!” you enthusiastically smiled, while following him into his office. 

“So Akiyama, tell me about yourself?” Akaashi read off a list.

“Well I was born in the states, but my parents are foreign. They enforced me to take a lot of language classes, hence why I know quite a lot.” You were dying inside. It was a half-true statement though, you were from the states and your parents are foreign.

“It says you speak French, Aimez-vous boire l'eau des toilettes?” He smirked. 

You had no idea what he just said. The silence was deafening, so you just laughed it off. You’ve been told your laugh is very contagious, so you used that to your benefit. Your laughter increased, his did too. 

After you both calmed down, he continued with his next question, “Out of all of the candidates, why should I hire you?”

“Well I guess my stats match up with everyone else, but what’s not on the textbook is my characteristics. I am dependable, calm, and honestly easy to work with. I will do my best to help you any way I can, and keep your stress levels at ease.” You smiled with confidence. 

“Any way huh?” Akaashi whispered to himself. You acted like you didn’t hear his whisper. As an agent it was also one of your many talents to keep an ear out for anything. 

“Akiyama, congratulations! you’ve gotten the job.” Akaashi put his hand out.

“R-r-really? That was only two questions” you tilted your head to the side. You could feel his glare as a response.

“Well, thank you anyways! My parents will be pleased.” you gushed as you shook his calloused hands. Parents? Please, more like your boss. You swore you could hear a ‘cha-ching’ sound effect in your head.

Over the next couple of months, you’ve been working under Akaashi. If he was staying up til’ 2 AM at the office, so were you. Continuously brewing coffee, while also printing papers, and keeping him company. 

However, one day the routine changed. Prior to this day, your boss had just kept you up for the next order, so you were extremely tired. During the 2 AM session, your eyes slowly started to drift off, feeling the wave of drowsiness pound into your head. Akaashi walked into your office and was going to ask you for copies, until he saw you sleeping head down on your desk. At first, he was going to viciously shake you awake, but seeing your dainty face in the moonlight he couldn’t bring himself to. This was the first time he saw you vulnerable. Typically, when he would ask if you were tired, you would just shake it off with a bright smile. However, he knew. He could tell that you were pushing for him. So, he draped over his blazer around you, in hopes to insulate some warmth and went back to his office. Minutes later, you jerked yourself awake. You felt a strange piece of clothing around you, so you pinched at it while analyzing. Does it look like a weapon? No. Does it have any toxins? No. Could this harm you in any way, shape, or form? It honestly just looked like a plain blazer you thought. As you checked the shoulder pocket, there was an ID. 

“Akaashi’s jacket huh?” you said to yourself, not even noticing the smile that crept up on your face. As soon as you caught yourself, you immediately slapped your face. Oh no. Quickly, you sent a picture of the ID, so that the agency can create a replica for future secret documents and shoved it back inside. 

Knocking at the entrance to his office, he looked up at you with bagged eyes. His sleepiness radiated off of him, so you did what you promised on the first day-- relieve his stress levels. You pulled down the shutters of his clear office so no one could look in. In addition, setting up the couch to where there was a pull up bed under it.

“Miss Akiyama, if you’re trying to seduce me you could’ve just said so,” He flirtatiously grinned. You rolled your eyes in response, and grabbed him to the bed.

“I like where this is going, Ami, I didn’t think you were so bold.”

“Just shut up and get some rest, I’ll appoint some things out so your projects aren’t due.”

As he opened his mouth, you anticipated that he was for sure going to deny. However, no words came out of his mouth, instead he grabbed your wrists and pulled you onto the bed with him. 

“I’ll accept, on the conditions that you, too get some rest.”

Too tired to argue, you complied. As you both fell asleep, with his arms wrapped around you.

a/n: i was planning on making this a one shot but i feel like this might be a multiple part-er(?)

#haikyuu angst #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu fluff #hq akaashi #akaashi x reader #akaashi fluff

[geekgirles]

Your Heart

Chapter 4 -- Stalemate Word Count: 8284

READ ON AO3

Waking up to the sound of her parents’ latest invention going awry was something she was sure she was never going to get used to. Never mind that she’d have an entire life to get accustomed to it or her newfound respect for what her family did for a living. 

As disciplined as Jasmine Fenton was, being awakened by an explosion was never going to be anything but annoying. 

Sighing resignedly, Jazz yanked her covers aside and got up, ready to start a new day. After showering and getting dressed with a long-sleeved, white dress shirt, a black ribbon tied tightly around its collar; a matching black, a-line skirt over thin grey tights; a teal blazer over her shirt, and brown ankle boots (which went well with her brown leather shoulder bag); she first made her way down the stairs to her parents’ lab. 

Absent-mindedly combing her pixie cut with her fingersーa decision she made after 18 years of rushed haircuts due to having been covered in some sort of unknown ectoplasmic goo after an invention explodedー, Jazz cut straight to the chase. “Let me guess, your latest invention just ‘malfunctioned’”, she air-quoted. 

As she expected, Jack and Maddie were hunched over a metallic device that had definitely seen better days, if the smoke coming off of it was any indication...What she wasn’t expecting though, although she should have, was her dad’s answer. “Actually, that was just the Fenton Toaster. We were about to start the day with a healthy, ghost-kicking breakfast, when she failed on us.” Had she been sixteen again or literally any other person in the world, Jazz might’ve actually been taken aback by the fact that her dad was tearing up over a toaster. Then again, she was Jazz Fenton and this sort of thing from her dad was as common as him yelling obscenities about ghosts. “Oh, dear friend. We hardly knew ye!” 

Rolling her eyes at his dad’s antics while her mum patted his shoulder in an effort to comfort him, Jazz muttered, “Dad, that toaster’s almost as old as Danny…” Who, by the way, was going to be ecstatic to learn the dreaded toast-drying machine from Hell had finally been vanquished. 

Speaking of her little brother, “Where’s Danny, anyway?”

Again, to any other family in the USA but the Fentons, that question would have seemed stupid. Danny was a college student who lived at his university’s dorms with his best friend, so the chances of him being around his childhood home during the school year were pretty slim. And, again, they were the Fentons, and her little brother had been going back and forth from his dorm, to Fenton Works, to the Ghost Zone (not like their parents knew, or even needed to know, about that one…) since he first got into APU. 

Maddie left her weeping husband’s side to pick a wrench up and start working on the toaster again ーpoor Danny; it seemed the evil, toast-drying machine from Hell was harder to get rid of than Vlad. “Sorry, sweetie. You missed him while you were doing your research. Your brother was here yesterday; he said he came Sunday night because he couldn’t find his dorms’ keys. But he’s back at college now.”

She suddenly stopped tinkering with the busted toaster’s inner workings, taking off her goggles from her face, a pensive expression plastered on her face. “Hm...I know Danny’s always been a little distracted, but he keeps losing his keys. At this rate he’s going to end up sleeping on the street just because he can’t get inside his own home!”

Recovering from his temporary loss of composure over the Fenton Toaster ー“I love you, guys, but it’s a miracle this family hasn’t been studied by professional psychiatrics already. Not like I didn’t give it my best shot…”, Jazz thought to herselfー, Jack was soon standing right beside his wife, towering over the pile of scrap metal with a matching pensive expression of his own. 

That couldn’t be good.

“Now that you mention it, sweetcakes,” he said, “you’re right. Danny’s always losing stuff!”

“Right?” Maddie insisted. “Don’t you remember, back in his first year of high school, when his English teacher, Mr. Lancer, called you over because Danny’s pants kept falling several times just that week?”

“Uh...the memory’s a bit blurry, Hon, but I know what you mean.” In truth, Jack didn’t remember any of that. All he knew was that he suddenly found himself chaperoning a homecoming dance. If only there was a way to get your memories back like those keychains that you attached to your clothes… And then it hit him. “I know, Maddie! Why don’t we make one of those keychains that you attach to your clothes so you won’t lose them for Danny?”

His wife beamed at that. For all his scatterbrained-ness, Jack truly was a talented inventor with a creative mind. Just a fuzzy head. “Oh, that sounds marvelous, honey! I’m sure Danny will love that!” She exclaimed before quickly pecking him on the lips.

Unbeknownst to her parents, Jazz grimaced in worry at the idea. Back when she was sixteen, or any other day, really; she’d have been overjoyed at the idea of her ghost-hunting parents creating something that was absolutely non-ghost-related, but since said idea would make it more difficult for Danny to keep his secret from them...She was just glad she was in town to look over him. Trying to appear supportive rather than dismayed, Jazz chirped, “Yeah, great idea, Dad...What are you going to call it? The Fenton Keychain?”

“‘The Fenton Keychain?’” Jack parroted before scoffing. “Of course not, Jazzy-pants! I was thinking something more along the lines of, ‘The Fenton Fermoir’!” He announced, striking a dramatic pose. 

The blue-eyed young woman started at that, taken aback. “Wait, ‘fermoir’? Isn’t that French?”

“Yes, it’s an adjective that means ‘that which closes.’” 

Gaping at her dad, Jazz blinked. And blinked again. And blinked a third time for good luck. “...you know French?”

This time, it was her mother who answered her, laughing her question off. “Oh, yes. There’s more to us than just ghost-hunting, you know?” Then she and her husband laughed together at her own joke. 

“Could’ve fooled me…” Jazz mumbled. 

“What was that?”

“Nothing! Um...oh, right. So Danny’s not here today, huh?” Her parents shook their heads. “That’s a shame, I wanted to ask him how things were going with...um...with, you know, school and all that. Oh, well! I’m sure he’ll tell me some other time.”

Jack and Maddie exchanged a glance. Ever since Danny started going to high school, their kids often acted weird. At first, they blamed it on adolescence, making them want to make an identity for themselves outside of their parents’ influence but not knowing exactly who they truly were, either. But the fact that their eldest child was 23, their youngest 21, and they still acted like that sometimes was a bit concerning. 

The wrench in her hand long forgotten, Maddie made her way to her daughter’s side. She draped an arm around her shoulders, not noticing that said arm was the one holding the aforementioned wrench and that she was unconsciously pointing at Jazz’s face with it. “Honey, is there something about Danny we should know about?”

Jazz panicked.

Yes.

Yes, there were so many things about Danny they should know about.

They should know their kid had gone through a terrible accident that changed his life forever at the tender age of fourteen. They should know he got ghost powers he spent agonising months trying to get control over. They should know he only ever wanted to protect innocents from ghosts and yet, he was labeled as a menace by the very same people he was trying to look after. They should know he’d not only been carrying the burden of being Amity Park’s unofficial protector since he was fourteen, but also became the king of an entire dimension and could count the people he could rely on with his hands. They should know he went through his very first serious heartbreak because the girl he liked hated his ghost half more than she liked him. They should know their college best friend was a fruitloop who wanted to kill Dad, take Mum from him, and either kill or adopt Danny; because, really, it all depended on the side of the bed Vlad woke up on.

They should know their only son was risking his life even more now because he’d made a deal with the Queen of the Witches of Amity Park who, judging by what Danny had told her, was the embodiment of a death sentence.

And he’d been carrying all those burdens and responsibilities, facing constant danger, making decisions not even full-fledged adults would find easy to make, and had been aimed at with ecto-blasters by his own parents since he was fourteen. Being Danny Phantom had stolen some of the best years of his life away from  Danny Fenton. 

And they had no idea of any of that. 

But how could they, when Danny refused to tell them the truth?

Every time Danny faced a bigger threat than dealing with ghosts of the same caliber as the Box Ghost, Jazz tried convincing him to come clean to their parents. Because, what if they never saw him again after that battle? What would she tell them, then? 

But Danny would not budge. And, Jazz remembered, she couldn’t blame him. With the entire town, barring a dedicated fan club, and a good chunk of the Ghost Zone against him, how could he risk losing one of the very few places he could call home? Just like she told him when he asked her why she never said anything about his secret, it was his secret. Only he could talk about it with Mum and Dad. 

“Jazz, honey? Is everything alright?”

Her mother’s voice broke her out of her stupor. She must’ve spaced out for a while, for her parents were looking at her worriedly. Flushing sheepishly, she cleared her throat. “Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry. And don’t worry about Danny either. He just…” What was that excuse he told her he’d use if anyone started asking questions again? Oh, right. “He’s just busy working on a paper to help me with my own thesis, that’s all.”

Okay. So not only was it a lie, but it wasn’t exactly what Danny told her to say, either. Her little brother decided to respond saying he was suddenly very interested in the occult because he was writing a paper on a seminar he’d signed himself up for, but since she went back to Amity Park to study the witches there, it was still a good excuse. 

Said excuse seemed to calm her parents down, before they fully registered her words and they seemed worried again. But, she knew, this time they were worried for her.

“Uh, Princess? Are you sure you want to focus that thesis of yours on...witches?” Jack asked warily, looking up from the remainers of the Fenton Toaster.

The redhead rolled her eyes in annoyance; there they went again. “Your father’s right, sweetie. While not necessarily a bad topic...erm...it’s not exactly the easiest one to research.” Her mother tried to discourage her gently. “For starters, most of the  records we have are nothing but speculations and hearsay… I mean, the Salem witch trials were mostly based on unfounded accusations!”

How two of the world leading experts in ectology, who defended the existence of ghosts long before their theories were proven correct, could be so convinced there was no such thing as witches was beyond her. Arbitrary scepticism, much?

Jazz had to admit, she understood her family’s surprise when she opted to focus her thesis for her Cryptology class on the legendary women. A psychology undergraduate, a woman convinced of the infallible nature of the scientific method since birth, and an aspiring psychologist since she was sixteen, it was understandable that her decision to minor in Cryptology would come as a surprise to...well, everyone. 

But protecting your half-ghost little brother from the shadows for the last seven years had a way of making you question everything you once thought you knew. 

After all, if such a thing as ghosts weren’t only real but had an entire dimension for themselves, then who was to say such a thing as magic-wielding women couldn’t exist?

The moment Danny told her and Tucker he planned on asking them for help at the beginning of Fall only cemented her decision. It was a real pity Danny refused to disclose the supposed location of the Amity Park clan for her safety. 

“Mum, Dad, I’ve told you already. It’s precisely because of all those myths that I want to study them. For all we know, all those potions that are always mentioned in folklore could just be really advanced medicine. Are we really going to turn our backs on the scientific community like that?”

“And that’s a great idea sweetie! But…” Maddie tried reasoning with her, but nothing came to mind. Awkwardly, she turned to her husband and whispered harshly, “Help me out here, will you?”

Jack didn’t need to be told twice. “What your mother’s trying to say, Jazz, is that, if there was evidence on the existence of witches, we’d already know. Don’t forget, your ancestor, John Fentonightingale, was a celebrated witch hunter during the time of the Salem trials. He was an admired and respected member of his village, but the only thing he ever did was send innocent people to be burned alive.

“When he eventually realised what he’d done, he spent the rest of his life lamenting his shortsightedness; rejecting the fame and glory his witch-hunting days had brought him. And even if he ultimately turned to ghost-huntingー”

“Goodbye, fame and respect.” Jazz mumbled.

“ーthe hole in his heart caused by his actions would never be filled again.” Jack finished his tale with a morose expression, hoping Jazz would understand what he was trying to say. 

She didn’t. “Okay, that was a very moving story with a valuable lesson on the dangers of letting fear and paranoia overtake us. But what does it have to do with me?”

Still standing by her daughter’s side, Maddie tried comfortingly rubbing her arms with the hand that wasn’t holding the wrench. “We’re just trying to warn you not to jump to conclusions, because you might regret it.”

Okay, that was it. Her parents were in no position to warn her against jumping to conclusions; they lost that right the day she finally understood they’d been unknowingly talking about ripping their own son apart ‘molecule by molecule’ ーright in front of him. Jerking away from her mother’s touch, she put her hands on her hips as she sent them her most meaningful look.

“For the last time! I’m not going to try and, I don’t know, rally up the entire town against the witches! I just want to study them. You know, learn about their culture, about the origins of their abilities, about the differences between fact and fiction...” she shot them a pointed look as she stressed that last part. “I just want to understand them!”

“But you don’t even know if they exist!” Jack protested as she made it to the stairs.

Hearing her dad’s comment, she turned to face them once more. Oh, she knew they existed alright, that much Danny had been able to clue her in. What she didn’t know was where to find them. But she couldn’t tell them that. “Well, that certainly didn’t stop you from building a ghost portal to another dimension you weren’t even sure existed! And it sure as Heck won’t stop me!” 

That last comment should be enough to get her parents off her back for at least a couple of days. But the conversation had put her in a bad mood, something that didn’t happen since she learned to appreciate her parents’ ghost-hunting abilities, or, when it was Danny who was being pursued by them, their lack thereof. Stomping out of the house and slamming the door closed behind her, Jazz angrily made her way to the usual starting point of her quest. 

The Amity Park Public Library. 

The large granite building was supposed to be completely white, but the decades since it was built had washed out the stones, making them look grey-ish instead. The several steps leading up to the entrance were flanked by two lead lion statues resting atop a block of stone each. The front of the building, on the other hand, was both decorated and supported by numerous columns, with two of them at either side of the wooden door. 

Despite the impressive sight, what truly mattered lay behind its doors. Walking inside, Jazz let herself be washed over by the smell of ink and paper so characteristic of the library. Wherever she looked, hundreds of books stood proudly on their shelves, some of them so high up that the only way to reach them was with the help of stairs. 

Scattered around the library were several tables and plastic chairs where the visitors could sit to read their latest acquisition or work on the projects that brought them to the library in the first place. 

Breathing the scent in, Jazz walked over to the little counter located right at the entrance of the library, where the librarian would usually be working on her computer. Whenever she wasn’t out and about organising books, that is. 

Jazz waved at her with a smile. After coming to the library to study for years, she was basically a regular by now. “Good morning, Wilhelmina!” Wincing at her unintentional high-pitched tone, she lowered her voice to barely a whisper. “How’s everything around here?”

Looking up from her computer, the pudgy woman smiled knowingly at Jazz before willing her chair to get closer to her. “Good morning, Jasmine. It’s been so long since I last saw you; when was it again, two days ago?” Wilhelmina joked as she leaned in closer to the redhead, intertwining her fingers as her elbows rested on her desk.

Jazz flushed slightly at the harmless jab. “What can I say? You won’t get rid of me so easily!”

“Don’t I know it…” There was something odd about the way the librarian said those words, but the redhead decided to let it go. It was probably nothing, either way. 

“I wanted to ask you if you could recommend a book onー?”

“On witches?” The auburn-haired lady finished for her. Seeing the young woman’s embarrassed hint of red on her cheeks, she chuckled. “Oh, don’t be so surprised, my dear. You’ve been asking for the same thing for almost a month now! It’s just nice seeing someone retain some sort of interest for this old place and its books. Nowadays, most people just come here to surf the net for free.”

“Well, you won’t have to worry about me for a while, then! So, the books?”

Leaning back on her chair, Wilhelmina pointed to a faraway aisle. “Try the History section. I’m sure there’ll be a journal or something to help you with your paper.”

Jazz flashed her a charming grin, “Thanks, Wilhelmina. You’re the best!” As she turned her back on the librarian, Jazz failed to notice the dark grin that made its way to her face. 

Once Jazz was out of earshot, Wilhelmina said, “Oh, you have no idea,” the twisted expression never leaving her face.

As she walked around the library’s endless halls, Jazz couldn’t help but be grateful for having Wilhelmina as the librarian. Any other person would have looked at her like she was crazy or a Satanist murderer in the making for researching the occult so much, but never Wilhelmina. The woman just smiled at her and tried helping her to the best of her abilities. If Jazz had been looking for information entirely on her own, she’d have stuck to a particular section of the library, but Wilhelmina was always recommending a broader search. And, Jazz couldn’t help but think, it was a smart choice. One never knew what they could find or learn if they listened to different experiences other than their own. 

Standing in front of the shelf where the history books were, the aqua-eyed woman began scanning for something that might help her clear up the fog surrounding the group of witches Danny might be facing from now on. If she could just find out where their hideout was supposed to be… Not only would she be able to study them, but she might even convince them to ally themselves with her brother for good!

Ever since she was a teenager and found out about her brother’s secret, Jazz was determined to focus her thesis on the effects such circumstances could have on him. But as time went by, she came to understand that would be impossible. Writing a thesis on Danny’s very unique circumstances would be akin to exposing him, and she couldn’t do that to him. 

Because he trusted her. 

Danny’s number of enemies increased tenfold by the day, while his allies followed a much more stagnant rhythm. Goodness, he couldn’t even get his girlfriend to give up ghost hunting for him! She and Tucker were the only two people in all of Amity Park he could rely on. 

And there was no way she’d ever betray that trust. 

Which, sure, was a very meaningful proof of the love and bond between them, but still left Jazz without a topic for her thesis. So when Danny revealed his discoveries on the existence of witches, of all things, she was ecstatic. 

The possibility of a magical species living in Amity Park was perfect on many levels. On the one hand, it would expand their knowledge of the paranormal, with the added bonus of finding potential alternatives for everyday problems. And on the other, it gave her the perfect excuse to stay close to Danny and make sure he was safe. With her in town, he wouldn’t have to make up excuses as to why he slept in Fenton Works when he already had a perfectly nice place to stay at APU. All he had to do was phase through her room to get to his. 

And, most importantly, that way he had somebody else he could talk to about his double life. He was going to need it if he’d indeed managed to establish a truce between the spellbinding women and ghosts. From what he’d told them, those sorceresses were vile. 

As she walked over a nearby table carrying a pile of books with both hands, Jazz couldn’t help but wonder how her little brother would handle the situation. 

.............

Danny was not handling the situation well.

Although, it wasn’t necessarily his fault. Lady Arcana’s own unwillingness to cooperate was a key factor in their stalemate. 

Even if they addressed each other formally and obvious jabs directed at their respective species were, thankfully, non-existent, the coldness between them that reigned during their first face-to-face interaction was now stronger than ever. 

Just like the last time, he’d sent Skulker to escort the queen and her entourageーwhich still consisted of the same two witches; talk about confidence…ー through the Ghost Zone up until they arrived at his lair’s throne room. They still pretended they were both honoured to be in each other’s presence even though Danny was sure the Witch Queen wished she could just spit at him as much as he did. 

And knowing Desiree, if she were near to grant her wish, a cascade of spit would rain down on him.

This time, however, Danny had ventured deeper inside his lair, with the witches close behind him. Figuring discussing over inter-dimensional safety in the middle of his throne room would be unwise, since one never knew who could be watching, he led his guests to the Council Room; where the Observants, Clockwork, and heーand occasionally Frostbite or any other ghost with a modicum of authorityーgathered to discuss political affairs regarding the Infinite Realms. 

Admittedly, he wanted to slap himself for not thinking about it sooner. 

Another thing that was different and he had failed to point out earlier was that, technically, the witches weren’t alone. No, there was nobody else besides the queen and her two...guards? ーcould he even call them guards?ー but they weren’t alone per se, either. 

The bespectacled, strawberry blonde one had a pet owl perched on her shoulder. The bird, Danny had to admit, was beautiful. Its plumage was predominantly white and cream. The white feathers were more noticeable in its belly and heart-shaped face, with most of its body and the top of its head looking rather creamy. The owl’s black orbs seemed not only capable of seeing in the dark, but also deep inside your soul. 

In other words, the girl’s pet was pretty, but creepy. And he had a feeling that would be a stable of these women. 

The Asian teenager seemed to prefer reptiles, and, yes, he based his hypothesis entirely on the fact that the girl had a bearded dragon around her neck as if she was wearing a scarf. Danny couldn’t tell what was creepier; the lizard’s naturally spiky, scale-covered body and its little tongue licking its eyeball, or the way the witch scratched her pet’s chin and cooed at it when she thought nobody was paying attention to her. 

“Well, it could be worse. She could buy herself a cat and name it after a married woman who will never love her back.” Danny had to physically restrain himself from shuddering at the thought. 

But the weirdest thing, of course, had to be Lady Arcana’s own companion. Which, again, he was sure was going to be a stable between them. At first he didn't even see her carrying anything, her form obscured by her cloak, but the moment they entered the Council Room ーalone; Lady Arcana had stationed her witches to guard the doors, just as he did the same with two of Walker’s goonsーand she made herself comfortable (or as comfortable as she’d ever be in enemy territory), he spotted it.

Had she really brought a potted plant with her all the way from the portal to his lair? And, now that he took a closer look, was that a carnivorous plant?

Scratch whatever he said about the teenager and her lizard. The way the plant nuzzled her face or wrapped itself around her forearm as she gently stroked its stem was ten times creepier. Although, a part of him couldn’t help but think she and Undergrowth would get along swimmingly. 

Two plant-loving psychos bonding with each other. Talk about a meet cute. 

But never mind their questionable taste for pets. They’d been discussing for over an hour and they were still at the starting point. Time was money and this woman was going to make him go bankrupt if they kept going like this. 

“Your Majesty, I understand the situation is quite...extraordinary, but I’m afraid we are still in need of a solution.” He tried for the umpteenth time that hour. 

The woman before him just sniffed in displeasure. It was a good thing they were separated by a rather large, rectangular table, otherwise, he might have leaned forward and wrung her little neck out of sheer exasperation. “I am perfectly aware of the situation, King Phantom. But, as I have informed you already, there is not much I can do if I do not know the cause of the portals opening.”

But that was precisely why he needed her help! Getting frustrated, Danny let out through gritted teeth, “Which I believe is precisely the reason why I need you here in the first place, my Lady. You are supposed to be able to discover the reason behind it.”

“Well, supposedly, these portals are a natural occurrence of the Ghost Zone. How is it possible that you do not know how to take care of the problem on your own?” She countered, matter-of-factly, and Danny would have given about anything to get her to shut up and do something useful instead. 

“Supposedly,” he echoed, “your people have the natural ability to surpass the laws that separate the Infinite Realms and Earth from each other, and hence, youーshouldーknowーhowーtoーcounterーit!” His voice raising in volume as he spoke, he made sure to punctuate that last part for emphasis. 

Narrowing her violet eyes at him in disdainーhow could he have ever thought they were beautiful?!ー, Lady Arcana spat. “Supposedly, that bond was tattered after your kind’s betrayal.”

If it weren’t for the audacity of her statement, he would’ve recoiled at the gravity and resentment etched into her words. Narrowing his own eyes at her, he leaned forward. “Trust me, your Majesty, you would be wise to keep your mouth shut; you are in no position to talk about betrayals.”

As her scowl deepened, teeth borne at him in anger, a low growl could be heard emanating from her throat. But Danny was not going to be intimidated that easily. Returning the intensity of her gaze, the two kept eye contact, initiating a staring contest born from frustration and distrust. 

Eventually, the Witch Queen averted her eyes, crossing her eyes in a huff as she leaned back on her chair. Her little plant reacted to her turmoil, for it hopped over to her ーwait, it hopped?!ーto get her attention. Noticing her weird-ass pet near her, the witch began to absent-mindedly caress its little, purple...head?

He was never eating a salad again in his life; he ought to let Tucker know he’d decided to join him in his carnivorous ways.

Leaning back against his own chair, Danny pinched the bridge of his nose, exhausted. They’d been at it for more than an hour and, rather than discuss a possible solution, all they’d done was argue. Sighing through his nose, he called out to her, an idea forming in his mind, “Hey.”

Taken aback by his sudden drop of formality, Sam looked over at him with a guarded expression. What was he up to? Rather than answering, she raised an interested eyebrow as a sign to go on. 

Danny took that raised eyebrow and her silence as permission to continue. “How about we drop the honorifics and formality for a while, huh? I don’t know about you, but I’m a rather laid-back person and having to address someone as if I was meeting the Queen of England tends to stress me out. And that by extension makes me much more prone to get defensive.”

Sam bit back her reply that she was, in fact, as much of a queen as the Queen of England, and that he should treat her as such.

“And let’s be real; getting defensive with each other is going to get us nowhere, don’t you agree? Besides, I’m already stressed out as it is due to a matter regarding a black hole forming, so I bet I’m not the most agreeable guy to be around right now.”

“No, you aren’t”, Sam was actually surprised Phantom shared her beliefs about formality and social distance. But that didn’t mean she was going to lower her guard around him. And his last words took her completely by surprise. “...did you just say ‘black hole’?”

“That’s not something you should concern yourself with.” He dismissed the question immediately.

Squinting her lavender eyes at him, her suspicions of any ulterior motives never quite going away, Sam gave in. “What are you getting at?”

At least she was listening to him. He was willing to count that as progress. Danny raised his palms up in mock surrender. “I’m just saying, we don’t know for how long we’re gonna have to work together. So how about we’re at least casual with each other? Because, I don’t know about you, but all this higher register of speech is giving me a headache.”

As if to prove his point, Danny rose up in the air until he was comfortably floating about three feet high. As he leaned back, his arms crossed behind his head and one leg over the other, nothing would’ve wiped the smug look on his face as he looked down on the Queen of the Witches of Amity Park, her own jaw hanging low in awe. 

Noticing the smugness radiating off of him in waves, the raven-haired girl forced her jaw shut. No way in Hell was she going to give him the satisfaction of amazing her. Even if she wasn’t going to say it aloud, Sam concurred with his point. Straightening her back, head held up high, she made sure to bruise his ego the same way he almost bruised hers. “Fine. Let’s drop the honorifics, I was tired of pretending I have any respect for you, anyway.”

Danny frowned at that. “Hey!”

“What? Do you seriously expect me to believe I’m not in immediate danger of being attacked by a ghost just for the mere fact of invading their turf? That you and your people actually respect mine?” Her voice was laced with cynicism as she scoffed. “Yeah, right.”

As much as Danny would’ve loved to contradict her, he knew he couldn’t. After all, he hadn’t just sent Skulker to escort them in fear they might get lost, the possibility of them being ambushed by vengeful ghosts was very real.

The raven-haired girl smiled triumphantly, knowing she had him right where she wanted him. “If it’s any consolation, if any of you so much as tried stepping foot, or ghostly tail, or whatever, into our territory, not a single one of us would hesitate to exorcise the Hell outta you.” Motioning to the door with her head, she added. “Susan in particular would have a blast.”

“Susan?”

“The teenager with the bearded dragon; Count Scalynton”

“‘Count Scalynton’?” Danny echoed in disbelief, before having to stifle a laugh with his gloved hand. Seeing the Witch Queen’s unamused stare, however, he sobered up. “And...uh...what about...the owl?”

“That’s Spooky.” Lady Arcana replied with a shrug of her shoulders. 

“And your little friend?” He asked hesitantly, pointing at the potted plant comfortably perched on its owner’s lap, but making sure his finger didn’t get too close; in fear of getting it bitten off. 

“Oh, this little guy?” Sam looked down at DeMilo with a fond smile. “His name’s DeMilo.”

“...are you serious?”

“You got a problem with that?”

“No! No, no. Of course not! DeMilo is...uh, a great name.” He quickly assured her, sheepishly. The last thing he needed was to invoke her wrath, again. Clearing his throat, Danny decided it’d be best to change topics. “So...No honorifics?”

“No honorifics.” Lady  Arcana nodded from her chair. 

“Right. So, instead of ‘your Majesty’, ‘my Lord’, or ‘King Phantom’, you can just call me ‘Phantom’ and Iー”

“You can just call me ‘Lady Arcana.’” The Witch Queen cut him off with a tone that left no room for discussion. 

The white-haired young man slouched slightly at that. Just when he thought they were making progress, she closed herself off completely all over again. But he couldn’t afford displeasing her further, so he’d have to play by her rules...For now. “Right. Got it. So...about those portals?”

As he asked that, Phantom leaned forward to her, changing his position mid-air so his torso was facing now upside down but his head remained straight. As the Ghost King lowered his body so his forearms were atop the wooden table, an intrigued gaze directed at her, Sam deposited DeMilo on the table, her own hands resting on it. Locking eyes, they had each other’s undivided attention. 

Understanding they were back to business, Sam sighed tiredly. “I wasn’t lying when I said I need to know the cause behind the portals’ strange behaviour. If this is something that can be solved through magic, then it is imperative that we know what’s causing it to figure out the best course of action to take. The wrong spell could lead to disastrous consequences.”

“Like?” Phantom raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

“Like sending the world to another dimension instead of closing a portal between dimensions.”

“I guess that makes sense. So how do we figure out the cause?”

“I can start by looking through this.” Sam offered as she, seemingly, got a book out of nowhere, Phantom’s eyes widening at the sight. The reddish-brown leathered book was the same one she used to open the portals to the Ghost Zone, which made it their safest bet for finding a solution. After all, if the book guarded almost forgotten knowledge on how to open inter-dimensional drifts, then it should have the answers to more mysteries, right?

...............

Outside the Council Room, on each side of the door, Stephanie and Susan were patiently waiting for their queen. Well, “patiently waiting” might have been an exaggeration. Stephanie was stiff as a board, while Susan looked like a furious guard dog, the murder in her eyes only cemented the picture. 

Both witches’ emotional state could only be attributed to one thing.

Ghosts. 

Or, to be more precise, the two police-dressed, green spirits they were forced to stand guard alongside because the Ghost King wasn’t about to be caught dead (pun not-intended) with three witches and no back-up.

As much as she hated it, Susan had to give the spook credit: he wasn’t nearly as stupid as she thought. 

The teenager kept stroking the length of Count Scalynton’s body, currently sprawled alongside her arm, as she pondered different ways to escape the Ghost King’s lair and his ectoplasmic, door-floating, bloodcurdling realm in case things went awry. 

Beside her, Stephanie was lovingly scratching Spooky’s beak in an attempt to calm  herself down. Looking over at the ghost-guard assigned to her, she squeaked and promptly looked away when the spectre, having felt her gaze on him, landed his blood-red, pupiless eyes on her. Gulping loudly, she whispered to Susan. “Do you think her Majesty will be frequently meeting Phantom from now on?”

Susan whispered back with a sneer. “I hope not! Miss Wilhelmina was right when she warned me against these putrid, soulless drones. We can’t lower our guards, especially not now that the queen needs us.”

Discreetly pointing with her head, the Asian girl guided her partner’s gaze to her hips. Lifting her red hoodie almost unnoticeably, the strawberry blonde’s eyes widened at the sight; two crossed, leather bandoliers were filled to the brims with an assemblage of jars containing colourful liquids. Stephanie’s jaw almost fell open in shock; the 17-year-old girl was armed to the teeth with potions!

Realising they weren’t alone and the dangers in their secret stash being found out, Stephanie tried to appear nonchalant. Pretending to be talking in general, she added. “I just hope her Majesty is safe.”

Susan gave her a wry smile. “Oh, trust me. Her Majesty will be fine even without our help.”

...............

As she skimmed the pages of the spellbook in search of more information on the portals, Sam kept looking over at Phantom, praying he hadn’t noticed anything unusual. 

As satisfying as it’d been seeing his bewildered face when she suddenly pulled the book off seemingly out of nowhere, the truth was she’d been carrying it with her under her skirt. But what she worried about was not him finding out about the book, but the other items her dress hid from plain sight. 

Strapped around her thigh was a black holster filled with potions. Unlike the arsenal Sam knew Susan had brought with her, which consisted of several offensive and highly corrosive concoctions, the queen’s own collection consisted mostly of Blinding Bombs. As the name indicated, it was a type of potion whose main purpose was to distract the opponent long enough to retreat or come up with a plan. If things went south, all Sam had to do was smash the jar against the ground and cover her eyes, for a small explosion of light would ensue and temporarily blind the spirits, giving her and her girls enough time to escape. 

As she leafed through the spellbook’s pages, she suddenly shivered, noticing a cold presence by her side sending shivers down her spine. What was even odder was the sudden smell of something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Dumbfounded, she turned her face to the side and growled at the sight. Snapping the book closed and bringing it close to her chest, she snarled at Phantom. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Taken aback by her sudden movements, Danny blinked. “Um, trying to help you?”

He had to be kidding her. “Come again?”

“I...uh...I just thought I could help you look for answers.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “So I was trying to see if I could find anything useful in that book of yours.”

Oh, he definitely had to be kidding her. “No, thank you.” She turned him down, only thanking him out of politeness. She turned back to the book. “You’ll only drag us down, anyway.”

Danny was starting to get really frustrated with that all-knowing, condescending attitude of hers. Even his sister wasn’t as annoying despite her know-it-all tendencies. Hell, Skulker was easier to work with! Standing up in mid-air, using his leverage to stare her downーliterallyーhe folded his arms in front of his chest. “And how, pray tell, am I going to drag us down?”

He was surprised by the witch’s next action. Huffing loudly, she got up from her chair and shoved the book in his face quicker than he could blink. At first he had trouble registering what just happened (mostly because he was levitating a good three feet above her and she was still safely on the ground) until he took notice of the sparkly, purple mist surrounding theーfloatingーspellbook. He blinked in awe; so that’s how her magic looked like. Once the initial surprise had worn off, however, Danny had to admit, he was a little disappointed; he’d expected more than a floating book. 

Looking over the tome, he saw Lady Arcana staring intently at him. Instead of anger as he expected, however, an amused, knowing expression adorned her features. He might’ve thought she looked pretty hadn’t it been for the wickedness of her smile. 

“Read.” She instructed him. 

Danny did as he was told...only to furrow his brow in confusion. What the…? Reading over the pages he couldn’t make sense of anything written on them. The inked markings splattered all over couldn’t even be considered hieroglyphics! Squinting at the offending piece of paper, he tried reading aloud. “Spiral...lightning bolt...spork?...What kind of sick mind came up with this?!” 

Sam let out a hollow laugh. “You really think that if you were really able to read this book in the first place all by yourself, you’d even need to call for me?” She rolled her eyes at him, not knowing what to think; either this guy was messing with her head or he was an idiot. She motioned with her hand for the book to return to her “Limit yourself to keeping your subjects in line and let me handle this. Although, on second thought, I might actually be asking way too much of you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” The green-eyed ghost didn’t like where this was going. 

Still reading, Lady Arcana raised her palms up in mock surrender. “I’m just saying, for a ghost that’s supposed to be the undisputable ruler of an entire race after having defeated a tyrant, you sure have a lot of detractors defying your authority.”

“Oh, please! Like you know anything about my subjects or any possible detractors.” Was it true he was often fending off ghosts who didn’t care for his laws to stay clear of Amity Park? Saying he didn’t occasionally get his ass handed to him would be like saying his parents took kindly to people who disrespect their jumpsuits, but he didn’t have to tell her that.

“I know more than enough.” Sam countered.

“Oh, yeah? Name one ghost who doesn’t respect my rule and still causes trouble.” The halfa challenged. What was he trying to get out of this? At least ¾ of his enemies screamed their names and evil plots whenever they were freed from the Ghost Zone! In Ember’s case, she literally depended on people knowing and chanting her name. 

“That poacher ghost of yours...what’s his name?”

A poacher ghost? Who the fuck was she talking aboー? “You mean Skulker?”

Sam perked up at that. “Yes, that one! He so obviously doesn’t respect your authority. I mean, he literally hunts you, the Ghost King, for sport almost every two weeks!”

An undignified sound escaped the halfa’s throat, but that was the last of his concerns at the moment. “Okay, first of all,” he started, raising one gloved finger, “he so totally respects my authority. Whenever I need help, he’s always willing to put the whole hunting-the-most-unique-specimen-ever aside for the greater good. And second,” he sent her a pointed look, floating closer to her. He revelled in the way she uncomfortably shrunk away from him; served her right, “Skulker’s not a poacher, he’s a hunter!”

“Does he have a permit or a hunting license?” Lady Arcana asked, not missing a beat.

That actually gave him pause. “Well...no, butー!”

“If a hunter hunts with no permit, then he’s a poacher!” Seriously, how dense could this dude be?

“You seem to be forgetting that Skulker is a resident of the Ghost Zone; my domain. Whatever laws are followed on Earth or among your kind, do not necessarily apply to us.”

“That outta shut her up,” he thought triumphantly.

“So you’re saying you’re okay with innocent creatures dying solely for the purpose of flattering one ghost’s ego?”

Well, apparently not. Danny spluttered at that. Who was this woman anyway, Jane Goodall?! “Whaー? No, of course not!” He vehemently denied before changing topics. This woman was about to get a taste of her own medicine. “But what’s with all these pointing fingers anyway?! I bet some of your ‘loyal’ witches also commit their own atrocities right under your nose.”

Oh, she was going to blast him into next Thursday for that! Standing up from her chair, Sam slammed her hands against the table (careful not to hurt or startle DeMilo, though). “For your information,” she snarled at the ghost before her, “the only huntress in my clan is Diana. And not only is she formidable, sheーalsoーhasーaーpermit!”

Fed up with the ridiculous conversation and the even more ridiculous woman, Danny slammed his own hands down on the table, even if he was floating. “Again with the permit! What’s with you and permits?! What are you, a cop?!”

“I’m a queen!” Sam all but roared. “So, yes, it is my job to ensure certain jobs are only trusted to people with permits!”

Danny was about to continue ranting, but he stopped himself. All this pointless fighting was only making them waste time, and they couldn’t afford that. He didn’t understand how she wasn’t already exhausted from all the arguing. Rubbing his face with his hands, he let himself fall back on his chair. “Let’s...let’s just keep on investigating. Forget I said anything.”

Sam was about to retort when she took notice of the white-haired ghost’s tired eyes, her own fatigue finally kicking in. Slumping her shoulders as she, too, fell back on her chair once again, she continued reading. “Yeah, sure. That’ll be for the best.”

They stayed in silence for a while after that. Lady Arcana reading intently, and Danny praying to all things above him that he’d be able to survive the day. Eventually, the Witch Queen broke the silence, slamming her book shut. His head snapping up at the sound, Danny dared to hope. “Any luck?”

The queen sighed. “I have good news and bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?”

His heart sank. “The bad news,” he moaned pitifully. 

“Bad news is, there’s nothing in this book about what could possibly be causing the Ghost Zone to create more portals than usual. The most it has is the spell I use to get here, but that’s about it.”

Danny was convinced his heart was now lost somewhere along his knees. “And the good news?”

“This isn’t the only book that might have information on the Ghost Zone. When our people parted ways for good after you-know-what,” the look of resentment was back on her face and Danny didn’t know what to do; he should be the one feeling offended! “most of our knowledge was forgotten, but not lost.”

“Meaning?” He prompted her to finish her statement. 

“Meaning, there’s still probably many more books on the topic.” She finished. 

“Which means…” Danny began, only for the two of them to groan in dismay. As nice as it was that not everything was lost just because that particular book didn’t have the answers, having to look for another spellbook or grimoire meant they would have to keep meeting with each other. For Lady Arcana would never leave a precious heirloom belonging to her people out of her sight and in the Ghost Zone, and Danny couldn’t afford to take his eyes off of her in case she and her kind double-crossed them.

In other words, they were stuck with each other until further notice...He was starting to regret not being fully killed by the accident the day he got his powers.

#danny phantom #dp #dp fic #my fic #your heart #danny fenton #sam manson #jazz fenton #jack fenton #maddie fenton #oc #Amethyst Ocean #ghost king au #witch queen au #ghost king! danny #witch queen! sam #enemies to friends to lovers

[rainydayhogwartsimagines]

here to request fluffy fred as asked!! i was thinking about plant shopping, like it would be really fun taking fred magical plant shopping and he has no idea what anything is because he never paid attention in herbology and reader just laughs at him as he gets nipped n squealed at by everything

"I still don't know why we need a plant." Fred sighed. "Would you prefer to be selling kids dead Pygmy puffs? Is that what you want? Traumatizing events?" You asked. "No. But I still think that we should just go out and buy the feed ourselves." He whined as you drove. "It is cheaper to grow it and plus, I'm good with plants." You reminded. "Then you're taking care of this because I don't know a damn thing when it comes to plants." He admitted. You rose a brow as you pulled in and parked. "You took a class on this." You reminded. "I'm aware. And if I remember correctly I had a very very sexy partner who was distracting." He said. You snorted. "Babe... You're getting potions mixed up with herbology." you reminded. "then who was my herbology partner?" He asked. "....Neville." You said making him get out the car as you wheezed. "Still... Why must I come along for this?" Fred asked. "Because if I'm not available one day to do this, you need to know what to grab." You said. He huffed as you walked in. You seemed to already know your way around, moving through the aisles quickly. Fred cocked his head to the side, looking at a bouncing bulb. "What's this?" He asked. "Bouncing bulb. Careful... it will attack you if you get to close." you warned. "plants shouldn't attack anything." Fred shuddered, following you. "But they do. Wait till you see what we're actually going to be buying... I wonder if they have steel cases or something." You pondered. "What the fuck does it do for it to need a steel case?" Fred asked. "That's actually the tamest of the plants. Just makes you dizzy. Actually more of an equivalent of being drunk, I think it's used in truth serum" You said. "That's tame to you!?" "Fred we literally took care of screaming plants that would make you pass out without protection over the ears." You reminded. "I really should've gone to class." He said making you smack your head against a wall and let out a long groan. "....You've got to be kidding me." You sighed. "Remember that you love me." Fred said. You groaned. "I knew that would come back to bite me in the ass." You grumbled as you pushed the cart forward. 

You got a ton of questions from Fred. "Love, what the fuck is that?" or  "Princess, why does that look like it's ready to kill me?". You answered them, best to your ability but he still had a nasty habit of trying to touch the plants. You swore up and down he was mentally five. You finally found the plant and sure enough it was in a case. Which Fred opened. And oh boy.

He was stumbling around like a moron. "Baby... I feel so weird right now." He said looking at his hands as you paid for the plant. "...He opened the case didn't he?" The cashier asked. "Yep." You nodded. "Babe... I have hands..." He said making you snort. "Yes, we all do Fred." You said. "Woaaahhh" he gaped as you dragged him to the car. You put the case in the trunk and you sighed, looking up at how long the effects were for this. "Fifteen more minutes. Oh boy." You muttered. "I love you Y/nnnn." Fred said. You looked at him and laughed. "I love you too Freddie." You said. "You're so good to me-- and patient-- God I want you in my life forever." He said holding your hands. You chuckled. "Careful Fred, those effects are going to wear off soon and you're going to regret saying something." You warned. "No I'm not! I have a plaaannnn." He said making you raise a brow. "What?" You asked. "A pllaaaaannnnnnn" he repeated waving his hands around before playing with his seatbelt. You rose a brow and he chuckled. "I have a ring and eveerrryyytthhhinnng" he waved making you gape. "Fred stop talking." You said. "Do you not want to get marrrrieed--" "No I'm trying to stop you from ruining your 'plan'" you said putting a hand over his mouth. "RIIGGGHHTTT the plaaaannn" Fred nodded before conking out in the passenger seat.

Fred had no recollection of the conversation you had or why you were suddenly acting very strange around him. "Y/n, darling is everything alright?" Fred asked. "Ahahaha! Yesss. I am perfectly A okay!" You said, eye twitching slightly. This was mainly going to your head. When on earth was this happening!? How did you not see this coming!? I mean, of course you were going to say yes but honestly the idea of a proposal in a crowded restaurant terrified you. I mean what if you tripped mid proposal or some shit? What if you did something stupid-- WHAT IF YOU SNEEZED IN THE MIDDLE OF IT AND PEOPLE WERE WATCHING!? "Did you inhale some plant fumes or something--" "NOPE. I'M GOOD. EVERYTHING IS GOOD." you said making Fred confused. "Did I... Do something?" He asked. "No! No you're perfect! I'm just nervous about... My mandrakes! I should get a sign so that when I'm working you don't walk in and... Pass out or... Y'know. Die." You lied. "Is that that weird screaming plant you mentioned?" He asked. "Look at you paying attention!" You said with finger guns. What the fuck are you doing?

"Right... I was wondering if you wanted to go to the Burrow tonight?" Fred asked. "Yeah! Yeah sure I am coolio with that!" You said. Could you chill? Please? "... Alright then... I'll leave you to the screaming plant children." Fred said before kissing your head and walking out.

The door closed and Fred was confused even more. What the fuck was that? "Does she know?" George asked. "I don't think so? She's acting very strange though... She used finger guns at one point." Fred said. "Are you sure she doesn't know?" George asked quietly. "No I don't think--" then it hit him... "Oh no." Fred winced. "What?" George asked. "I fucked up." He groaned. "What did you do?" George asked. "Fucking plant fumes made me high and I think I let it slip that I had a plan." Fred groaned. "Fred calm down. We're used to improvising. So how do we go about this?" George said. "Uhmm... Hmm...."

You walked out a couple of hours later and Fred was looking at papers. "Look at you looking all professional over there." You chuckled. He smiled and blinked a few times. "What the hell happened to you?" He asked. "Mandrake bit me... Fell back on the devil's snare and almost got high from plant fumes-- the usual." You sighed, sliding off the apron you were wearing. You used a simple spell to clean yourself and stretched. "You said we were going to the burrow?" You asked. Did you not suspect anything? "Yeah, Charlie, Percy and Bill are visiting." Fred said. "...So... Your brother are going to... Be there..." You realized. Fred noticed the suspicion. "Percy is down because he has finally lodged the stick out of his ass, Charlie is down on business, something about a welsh dragon nearly attacking a muggle and Bill just likes to see mum every now and again." Fred said. You nodded but clearly still suspected something was happening. "I uhm... What will we be doing exactly?" You asked. "Mum wants you to teach her how to make pizza apparently." Fred said. Oh... Oh that's like the least engagement-y thing to do. Okay, stress gone. "Let's roll then. Is George riding with us?" You asked. "Yep." George said walking out of a backroom.

You all rode in the car in silence and George was looking at Fred like "Dude. Say something." Fred swallowed and fiddled with the ring in his pocket and you drove. "Soooo... Charlie found a common Welsh dragon?" You asked. "Oh don't tell me you freak out over dragons too!" George whined. "They're cool, but I most likely don't freak out like Charlie does." You shrugged. "you got that right. That man could go on for HOURS about fucking dragons." Fred nodded. "Meh. It's better than Draco's ass rambling on about 'pureblood customs'." You shrugged. "that's always true." George nodded. You pulled into the burrow and walked in. "Goodness darling you smell like pesticide." Molly said after hugging you. "I am so sorry--" "Would you like to shower upstairs? I'll wash your clothes while you do." She suggested. "Honestly... A bath sounds great." You nodded. "She can just borrow some of my clothes." Ginny shrugged.

And so the plan was afoot. Fred and George had to act quickly while you were taking a shower, telling the family to ACT. NORMAL. You soon came back down in a comfortable dress that wasn't too fancy and Charlie was rambling about dragons. "Change of plans, mom is making pot roast apparently." Fred said. "And the there's the hungarian Ridgeback--" "Charlie I love you. You know I do. But shut up." Bill winced. You snorted and Charlie looked over. "You must be Y/n!" He said hugging you. "Charlie right? Dragon obsessed?" You asked. "That's me!" He nodded. "We've met once right? You were Fred's plus one to my wedding?" Bill asked. "Yes, Fleur correct?" You asked, looking at her. "Yes that is me." She nodded. "She's getting better with her English." Bill said. "pas besoin de s'inquiéter. Je connais le français." You nodded making Fred and George raise a brow. "You know French?" George asked. "I usually have to order certain plants internationally so..." You shrugged. "oohh" George nodded. Ron came downstairs with Harry. "Hey you two!" You waved. "Y/n!" Both boys said before hugging you. "Boy this is a nice get together... Where is Percy?" You asked. "With Dad looking at something to make sure it is 'of the ministry standard'." Charlie gagged making you laugh. "Any special occasion I'm not aware of here orrr?" You asked. "....I caught my fiftieth dragon!" Charlie said. "congratulations. Was it the common Welsh that Fred mentioned earlier?" You asked. "Oh no." Bill winced. "You know dragons!?" Charlie asked. "Read about them... And had to help that idiot over there during the competition." You said pointing to Harry. "So what's you--" "PLEASE. DO NOT. START. WITH THE DRAGONS. AGAIN." Bill groaned. See this? This was normal. Hermione came down with a smile. "Thought I heard you!" She said. You hugged her and let out a relieved breath. "God it feels good to be around other females." You said. "Hey!" Fred and George said. "I can only take so much testosterone." You said. "testoster-- what?" George asked. "Science George. It's science." Ginny snorted.

You and the girls talked for a while and soon dinner came along. "So, how's business?" Molly asked George. "It's good. Y/n has figured out ways to save us money so we're doing REALLY right now." George nodded. "She's bloody brilliant." Fred said smiling at you. You smiled and shook your head. "Though her plants are freaky." Fred said. "They are not freaky." You laughed. "They are! What kind of plant screams!?" Fred asked. " A mandrake." Everyone at the table answered making him groan. You laughed and he shook his head. Arthur smiled watching you. "Ginny did you leave the pygmy puff unattended?" Ron asked. "Uhm... Yeah, it's in my--" there was a thud upstairs and she grumbled. "Room." She finished before going upstairs. "I better help her... Puffers tends to be aggressive after waking up." Hermione said before walking up. "Puffers?" You asked. "He was the first successful Pygmy puff we made. We just gave him to Ginny. Glad to see he's handling mating season well." George explained after hearing another thud. "RON. GET THIS THING PLEASE." Ginny called. Ron sighed and walked upstairs. "Wanna take a walk?" Fred asked after another loud thud. "Absolutely!" You nodded before walking outside. You two walked for a bit in silent, shivering as the air got colder. Fred took the ring out of his jacket pocket and switched it to his pants pocket before giving you the jacket. "It's pretty tonight." You breathed as you huddled into the jacket. He smiled. "Yeah, yeah it is." He said. You smiled and he kissed you, holding your face close. "I've got to know this before I ask you something." Fred said making you raise a brow. "Any reason why you've been nutty lately?" He asked. "Uh... No?" You lied. He gave you a "really?" Look and you sighed. "When the plant got you... Intoxicated? You kind of... Said something pertaining to marriage." You admitted. "Is that so bad?" Fred asked. "What? No-- no I'm just... Look, I am a fuck up. I am a clutz and I trip over air. I am terrified that if you proposed to me in a crowded area I'd literally fall on my ass." You admitted. "... That's it?" He asked. "Yeah." You nodded. "Y/n I know you hate crowds. Why do you think Ginny made an excuse for us to leave the house?" He said. "...Wait.." "Why do you think my family knows that we're out here and trying to make you feel comfortable?" Oh my God. "Why do you think I made sure you knew we were going to be away from other people?" Fred asked. "... You're a serial killer?" You joked, tears already forming. He chuckled and got down on one knee. "Oh my God." You breathed. "Y/n I love you so much. And I want you to always feel safe and always feel comfortable telling me things." Fred said. "And I want to spend the rest of my life making you feel safe." He added. "Will you marry me?" He asked. You nodded and cried as you wrapped your arms around him. He slid on the ring and he kissed your head, holding you close. "Oh don't cry princess! We're going to have cake! Or alcohol... Or both." Fred said making you laugh. "I'm so happy holy shit." You laughed. He smiled and then had an idea. "wanna screw with my family a little?"

You two walked back to the house and everyone was standing around as if they were waiting. "...Nice walk." Fred nodded. "Yeah, kind of cold though." You nodded acting nonchalant. Ron and Hermione exchanged a confused look. "here's your jacket." You said, making a point to show your hand with the ring on it as you handed back the jacket making them all scream. "MY GOD WERE YOU JUST GOING TO KEEP GOING WITH THE ACT!?" Molly said. "maybe?" You said before being engulfed into a hug with her and Fred. "Okay-- air mum-- air!" Fred said. You looked at the family around you with small smile tugging at your lips "Champagne? Anyone?" Bill said holding up a bottle. "Aayyee my brother knows me so well." Fred said laughing. You rolled your eyes as Fred linked his arm around you and pulled you close. You looked in his eyes and smiled. This was safe. This was your home. This was your family.

#fred weasley x reader #fred weasley x you #fred weasley

[blush-and-books]

i'm about to pass out but needed to write this - JATP + school headcanons

*disclaimer: I am only evaluating their attitudes and performance in what are considered "core" classes in my state. Idk if it is universal. These are also generalizations -- ik theres different types of math and science that they are taking

LUKE

He inspired this so we start with the king

ENGLISH CLASS: He excelled. Somehow, unknowingly, became his teacher's favorite. Did the homework for this class and ONLY this class. A+

MATH CLASS: B-/C+. Does not like math, hates it actually, never did the homework. Somehow averaged a B+/A- on tests and quizzes because he would have Reggie tutor him days before in preparation. Teacher always shocked at how he managed.

HISTORY CLASS: Did not do the homework, but still, like, paid attention?? Had it with all the guys so there were funny moments and events to associate with each lesson and lecture and somehow he remembered it. Again, did not do the homework. Maybe if he was super bored. C+/B-

SCIENCE CLASS: Skipped it most of the time. Would show up for labs and experiments even if he had no clue what was going on. Bobby tried to help but Luke was so uninterested lol, and the teacher was v boring!!! Not fun. D+

LANGUAGE: Took Spanish because its what everyone did??? He thought it would be the most useful but it ended up being such a mistake. He thought that English was complicated, but shit!!! Hard :(( Julie tried to revive his education but fails often (but hes really faking it bc he just wants to keep hearing her speak Spanish and try to teach him). D+/C-

JULIE

ENGLISH CLASS: Aces all of her essays. Emotionally attached to all of her female English teachers!! Sometimes her interpretations of the books are a little off but literally everyone's are. Loves English. A-/A

MATH CLASS: Gifted kid syndrome but only with math if that makes sense?? Got super ahead in elementary and middle school but now that shes in high school she barely knows what's going on and is running out of math classes to take because she was able to jump so much from middle to high school. Has to study the most for this one. Thank god for Reggie. B-

HISTORY CLASS: Could take it or leave it! Likes the subject but hates the teacher. Does well on tests to spite them. Doodles too much on her homework and it annoys the teacher v much. A-

SCIENCE CLASS: kinds vibes ngl??? Something kinds cool about it. Has Flynn in the class, a fun young science teacher, and they all just have a really good time. Julie never really liked science but with the right people and environment shes flourishing!!! A

LANGUAGE: Did not have to take one -- took a fluency exam in Spanish her freshman year. Has minor superiority complex every time Flynn complains about not knowing her language.

REGGIE

ENGLISH CLASS: Got distracted hella easily... Not very fun :( teacher didn't understand that he had ADHD and learned things in a different way. Luke tried to help him cheat on tests tho so he didnt have to repeat the class. D+/C-

MATH CLASS: GENIUS!?!?!?!? GENIUS. Literally took two math classes one year bc he could. Somehow it all made sense. Really loved how numbers were consistent and clearly right or wrong; not subjective. Teachers loved him because he was always kind and positive and brought a smile to everyones face. A+++

HISTORY CLASS: Did not suck at it??? Kinda cool stuff and fun times with his besties. Did better in the class than any of them. Teacher was a total prick tho and Reggie was also late because it was their period right after lunch and he was a slow eater and the teacher didnt allow food. Again: teacher was a prick. B+

SCIENCE CLASS: Enjoyed the labs and experiments, usually aced those because he has exceptional attention to detail. Everything else, not so much. Certain concepts were just very hard to grasp and he had a hard time creating ways to remember things. C+

LANGUAGE: He took French because he knew his mom took French when she was in high school and he thought she could help him and they could bond. That plan didn't really work out -- but he still did okay, even if his mom didn't pay attention. B-

ALEX

ENGLISH CLASS: In between Luke and Reggie -- read the books and retained most of the information, but the essays were not it. He really liked class discussions even though the teacher would tell him his interpretations were wrong (how do you interpret something incorrectly?? Art is up for interpretation?? He will never quite understand). B+/B-

MATH CLASS: Kill him. Least favorite class. Hates math and has hated math since his first lesson on fractions broke his spirit in third grade. Reggie helped him through most of it but shit really did not click. Did his best because his parents would be mad if he didn't. C-/C+

HISTORY CLASS: Very into history for some unknown reason??? The TA in the class was hot so he made sure to pay attention and make a good impression. He was often apologizing for the behavior of his bandmates. A+

SCIENCE CLASS: Did not hate it!!! Had the fun young new teacher instead of the same old dude that had been there for 20 years. She was really fun and sweet (and totally got the vibe he was gay and was super supportive)!!! He didnt quite understand everything but still worked his ass off. B+

LANGUAGE: French with Reggie because he thought it was a more romantic language. Quickly realized his mistake and switched to Spanish the next year. Realized his mistake again (the mistake being that he would be good at learning a new language) and stopped trying lol. C+

FLYNN

ENGLISH CLASS: Her essays are well written because Julie edits all of them. Like Alex, is always told that she is reading the text wrong?? The two of them bond mega over that. Just because she has a wider imagination does not mean she should be punished for it!!! B+

MATH CLASS: Geometry is her jam but algebra makes her wanna commit every degree of murder. Sometimes it clicks and sometimes it definitely does not. Probably dont ask her for help because shes awful at explaining things. B-

HISTORY CLASS: Hates it here!!!!!!!! She hates the curriculum, hates the lecturing, and constantly either feels bored or singled out in every lesson. Is advocating in the district for textbook and curriculum reform to include diverse and pan-ethnic studies. C-

SCIENCE CLASS: Her favorite class!!!!!! Loves everything about it. She isnt learning how the world works through history but instead through the facts of science. She feels invincible in the lab and like she has so much more to discover. She particularly enjoys astronomy. A+

LANGUAGE: Spanish so that Julie could help her out!!! Can barely utter more than 2 sentences in conversation but is perfect on paper and that's more than half of the battle. A-

#i made this on mobile so shes just long #jatp #julie and the phantoms

[quickspinner]

On the Edge of Dreams - LBSC SFC

Written for the LBSC sprint fic challenge. If you’d like to join in follow @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers for more information!

Challenge rules:

Pick a prompt and write for that prompt in up to three 15 minute sprints. No writing outside the sprints until you have completed all three! After the 3 sprints are complete, you have 24 hours to edit (which can include some new writing to smooth transitions, etc). After those 24 hours, post what you’ve got!

Prompt: "Oh no, s/he’s hot!” 

More information on the challenge here!

It was a simple order. Nothing complicated about it. A large dark roast with room. He’d ordered it a thousand times, could do it without thought. Or at least, so he would have said until today. 

But the truly stunning pair of blue eyes across the counter from him was blinking in confusion, thanks to the incomprehensible mixture of French, English, and Scots he’d just spouted.

His eyes zeroed in on the lovely set of lips as they parted, hesitated, and then spoke. “I’m sorry, I...didn’t quite catch that?” 

Luka blinked and cleared his throat, feeling the blush heating up his face as he dragged his gaze back up to meet hers. “I’m sorry, it’s—I’m not a morning person. I think I left my brain in bed.” 

She smiled, and damn if she wasn’t the prettiest girl he’d ever laid eyes on, perfect skin and gorgeous eyes and those lips were— 

Speaking to him. Shit. “—all the time. Do you want to try again?”

Luka somehow managed to give his order correctly this time, and nearly fainted at the giggle she let out as she picked up the cup to write his order. 

His eyes flicked to her nametag. Marinette.

“That’s my name,” she said, and Luka’s eyes shot up to her face again. “I asked for yours?” 

“Sorry,” Luka repeated hurriedly. “Luka. My name’s Luka.”

“Can you spell it for me or is that too much to ask before you’ve had a chance to drink it?” she asked with a playful wink, and it was really a wonder his knees didn’t give out on him. 

“Sure,” he said weakly, and spelled it for her (correctly, mercifully). She smiled at him and turned aside to start making his drink. Luka also turned away slightly in the other direction, pretending to look in the pastry case as he tried to catch his breath and get his bearings again. Damn, wasn’t this just his luck, face to face with a beautiful girl and him in wrinkled clothes and mussed hair looking like—well, he hoped he looked like he’d just pulled an all-nighter, and not like he’d been doing something far seedier. 

He checked the time, and had to blink a couple of times before the numbers came into full focus. He really needed that coffee.

“You’re an angel,” he groaned as she set it on the display case in front of him. 

“Careful, it’s—” she winced as he put the cup to his lips, but Luka was long past caring how hot the coffee was. He took a burning gulp and made a face before offering the girl— Marinette , he remembered—a lopsided smile. 

“If I don’t get it down now I’m going to pass out on your steps,” he joked, and his smile grew a little wider when she laughed. 

“You look it,” she said, propping her elbows up on the case and peering at him over it. “I hope the coffee helps. Can I offer you anything else?”

“I wouldn’t say no to a place to crash on your floor,” Luka joked, moving over to add cream and sugar to his coffee. “But it’d be kind of a waste to work on that damn paper all night and then pass out before I have a chance to turn it in, so coffee it is.” He snorted softly. “Who wants paper copies in this day and age anyway, really?” he muttered, and then blushed when he turned around to find the girl giggling at him over the top of the pastry case. 

“Well, good luck,” she said, leaning her chin on one hand. “Make sure you double-check the mailbox number before you put it in. Ask me how I know.” She made a face.

Luka laughed as he went to the door. “Good tip. Thanks for the coffee, Marinette. I’m sure I’ll see you again.” 

He fumbled the door handle when she smiled—and blushed. 

He made her blush.

Luka wasn’t sure if he was more embarrassed by the goofy grin on his face or the way he tripped on the ledge of the door on the way out because he hadn’t looked away from that adorable blushy smile. 

At least he managed to keep his coffee from spilling.

***

Three more times he visited the bakery that week, but each time he ordered his coffee from an older lady with a kind smile. She was nice enough, but Luka had been hoping to see Marinette again.

He came in the next week without much hope, but perked up as he saw Marinette behind the counter. His smile faded slightly though as she stood swaying on her feet. Her hair wasn’t messy but definitely not as tidy as before, and he could see the slight creases of makeup caked around her eyes as he approached, covering dark shadows, he was sure. Luka was at the counter and had to call her name twice before her gaze snapped up to his and she blinked rapidly. 

“Oh,” she gasped, “I’m so sorry. Um, what can I get you?”

Luka ordered (correctly, and entirely in French this time) and added, as Marinette moved sluggishly to pick up the cup, “Should I make that two? You look like you need it more than I do this morning.” 

Marinette shot him a tired smile that was still unbearably cute. “I probably do. I was working on a project all last night and I really couldn’t ask Mom to cover another shift for me, she’s been taking my shifts all week. It’s done now, so I can struggle through and—” She paused, staring at the cup in her hand. “Sorry, what am I making again?”

Luka chuckled and leaned on the counter as he repeated the order. She finished writing it on the cup that time, and Luka thought she breathed a sigh of relief at the simplicity of it. 

“I’m serious,” Luka told her, and she looked at him in slight confusion. “I really will buy you a coffee if you need it.” 

“Oh, that’s very kind, but I’ve already had some. Just waiting for it to kick in. I actually don’t care much for coffee most of the time but it was definitely necessary this morning.” 

She set the cup on the counter in front of him and smiled. “Thanks for being patient with me, Luka.” 

“It’s not like it’s hard,” he said stupidly, a little dazzled. She was adorable, even half-dead. “I hope you get some rest,” he added, as he took his coffee to add the cream and sugar. 

“I will,” she shrugged with a tired smile. “Eventually.” 

Luka took his coffee and left. 

***

The next time he went to the bakery, he nearly ran into Marinette coming out of the door.

“Woah,” he said, catching her shoulders to keep her from falling. She put her hands out automatically to keep herself from impacting his chest. 

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” she said quickly, snatching her hands back and blushing to the roots of her hair. “Wow, you’re um. Strong. Sorry, I’m so sorry, I was going way too fast and I should have been looking and I didn’t hurt you, right?” 

Luka nearly laughed at the thought. “No, I’m good,” he smiled, letting go of her shoulders. “Are you?” 

“Fine,” she squeaked, turning redder by the minute. 

“You sure?” Luka couldn’t help asking, tilting his head slightly. That shade really couldn’t be healthy.

“I’m fine, everything’s fine, I slam right into hot guys all the time, not a big deal at all and definitely nothing to get embarrassed and start babbling like an idiot over, nope, I’m all—all good.” She whined and put her hands over her face. 

Luka had to take a second to get his bearings after that flood, but then a slow grin spread across his face. “Well, I can’t say I’m lucky enough to have to catch a hot girl all that often, but so far I’m not minding the experience.” 

Marinette sputtered something completely unintelligible, and Luka chuckled, reaching in his pocket and fishing out a card. It was nothing fancy, just a slim black and white card with a website and instagram information on it that Rose had printed up at home, but today he was glad he was carrying them. 

“This is the band I play with,” Luka said, giving her the card. “I’d love to run into you at a show sometime.” He grinned. “Literally or figuratively, either works for me.” 

He stepped aside to clear her path as Marinette stared at him. “Maybe we can get not-coffee afterward.” Luka winked at her and went into the bakery, and then, glancing behind him to make sure he was clear, he covered his own face and fought down his internal panic at his boldness. 

“Can I help you?” said an amused voice, and Luka jerked slightly before dropping his hands and staring at the older lady behind the counter—Marinette’s mother, he suddenly remembered with embarrassment. 

“Um, yeah. I mean, yes, please.” 

At least...that was what he meant to say. The confused look on the lady’s face mirrored Marinette’s from a couple weeks ago. 

Luka sighed.

#lbsc sprint fic challenge #quickspins #lukanette #endgame lukanette #lukanette endgame #luka couffaine #marinette dupain-cheng #miraculousladybug #miraculous ladybug #promptfic #quickfic #quicksprints

[libsterslobsters]

Ramble On

Summary: Late night phone calls are rarely good, especially when they come from someone known for texting. Or maybe, just this once, it's for the best

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x gem! enhanced! Reader

(Reader sees bits of the future, understands all languages, and processes information abnormally quickly)

Warnings: Strong language, tiny bit of angst, mostly fluff

Author's note: Reader is unnamed, but when I'm writing this character, I call her Violet.

*************************************************

 As she rolls over, rearranging the covers around her for what must be the fiftieth time in an hour, she catches sight of the bedside clock. 2 a.m. She really needs to get to sleep. She has an interview in the morning, after all. The only problem: she can’t, too worried about what the outcome will be to get any rest.

 There’s so much riding on this one meeting. If she gets the job, teaching English as a second language at an actual college in Bucharest as opposed to in her apartment, her whole life will change. It will no longer be a constant struggle to stay afloat, often leading to the choice of whether she’s going to pay her heating or electric bill this month, eat or have a place to live.

 Applying for any job is a risk, because what if they look her up and a notification pops up on SHIELD’s radar? She’s forged her papers well, payed the right person to invent a background for her, but while it may hold up under the Romanians’ scrutiny, will it be enough to convince anyone lurking in the shadows that she’s a perfectly normal woman with nothing to hide? Or will there be a knock on her door in the middle of the night, followed by her being captured, herded onto a plane and then locked in a cell or worse?

 Rolling over once again, she tries to convince herself that enough time has passed, she looks different enough from the scared eighteen year old that flagged the American government’s interest when she fool-hardily took a job as an intern translator and performed a little too well.

 It’s not long before she’s tossing and turning once more, and this time her phone’s screen lights up. 2:30. Only three and a half more hours before she’s got to get up and prepare for the day ahead. She wishes she had some tea left, but she ran out three days ago. For a few minutes, she plays on her phone, rereading old messages between Barnes and herself, but eventually she has to stop. Thinking about him definitely isn’t helping her sleep, especially since she knows, no matter how much she wishes it were otherwise, he’ll never care for her the way she cares for him.

 Chiding herself for allowing the foolish longing for something different, for the man who’s only ever been kind to her, treated her like a close friend, to want her, she tosses her phone to the side and closes her eyes. She’s completely unaware that, inadvertently, she’s hit the little icon of a telephone and on the other side of the city, a ringing noise is filling the air.

__________________________________________________________________________________ 

 He’s not asleep when his phone rings. Not even so much as dozing. Still, it takes a few moments for Bucky to put together that the whirring noise is coming from his phone, and he should probably check to see who it is. As her name flashes on the screen, all weariness disappears, replaced at first by excitement, and then when he answers, receiving no reply, worry. It’s not like her to call this late, or really, to call at all without texting first to make sure he’s free (even though he’s told her multiple times to call whenever she likes, he’ll always answer). His first instinct is to rush over to her apartment and make sure she’s alright, but ultimately, a cooler head prevails. He should try to call her back first. Maybe they have a bad connection and she couldn’t hear him.

 That’s what he does, and after the third ring, she picks up.

 “Bucky?” It’s said in a voice that’s rough with disuse. “What’s going on? Are you alright?” That’s supposed to be his line.

 “I’m fine. What about you?” He hears her yawn over the line.

 “Dealing with some insomnia, but nothing huge.” Funny. She sounds exhausted.

 “Is that why you called? You’re having trouble sleeping?”

 “What?” He can imagine her brow furrowing in keeping with the confusion in her voice. “I didn’t call.”

 “You did. Didn’t say anything, though.”

 There’s a pause, and then-

 “Crap. I’m sorry, Buck. I must’ve rolled over on my phone and accidentally called you.” Oh. Now it makes sense.

 “It’s alright.”

 He’s about to tell her that his night’s so much better for hearing her voice, but stops short at the last second. It’s been going on for a few months, these casual dates at one or the other of their apartments, occasionally a cheap restaurant in the city, or just out for a walk. Still, he hasn’t so much as kissed her yet, too worried that he’ll push too far and frighten her, or worse, make her feel like she has to do something she doesn’t truly want. She hasn’t made a move to speed things up either, so he’s waiting, taking things slow. It doesn’t bother him; he’s got all the time in the world on his hands, and frankly, he’s enjoying just getting to know all the little things about her.  Still, he doesn’t want to come on too strong, so he simply says,

 “Why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you?”

 “Nothing.” She chuckles, but he can tell it’s faked for his benefit. “I’ll let you go now.”

 “No, you won’t. You’re going to tell me what’s keeping you up so that maybe you can get some rest before the sun comes up.” He internally winces as his words. It sounds like he’s ordering her around.

 “Alright.” She sighs. “I have that interview tomorrow-” He nods, even though she can’t see him. “-and I think I’m just too in my head about it, you know? I keep going over all the ways it could go south, and the more I try to push that aside, the more I think about it.” 

 He chooses his words carefully, knowing that it’s not just the possibility that she won’t get the job that’s worrying her.

 “They don’t check things as closely here as they do back home. And even if they did decide to do some sort of background check, so far as all your paperwork is concerned, you’re just another college grad looking to put your teaching degree to use.”

 He may have done a little reconnaissance, gotten into certain government buildings not open to the public and checked out exactly what they know about her just to make sure her forgeries would stand up, but she doesn’t need to know that. It would just worry her that he’s taking unnecessary risks over something she doesn’t consider a necessity.

 “I know. It’s just a niggling feeling. Not a vision or anything. Just paranoia.” 

 Speaking of…

 “Have you had any visions lately?” Sometimes they’re funny. Sometimes useful. Sometimes, downright bizarre.

 “Yes. I’m having one right now of you sitting up in bed, talking on the phone when you should definitely be sleeping because you’re too polite to tell me I woke you up.”

 “Must be something that hasn’t happened yet, because I’m actually lying down, and I was wide awake when you called.” He hopes that’ll be enough to assuage her guilt.

 “Hm… I’m calling bullshit on that, Barnes. Have you looked at the time? It’s nearly three a.m.”

 “It is, but that doesn’t change the fact that I was up.” She’s not going to believe him unless he explains. “I don’t sleep much.” 

 “Part of the super soldier thing?”

 “I don’t think so. More like I’m afraid that if I close my eyes, they’ll get the drop on me and put me back on ice.” He definitely didn’t mean to say that last part, but now that it’s out there, he can’t take it back.

 “Bucky, you need to sleep. That’s not healthy.” The corners of his lips turn up. All the way across the city, awake at three a.m., and she’s scolding him for not getting his beauty rest.

 “Neither is worrying about a job interview that you’ve got in the bag since you’re a great teacher.”

 They’d be stupid not to hire her. She literally speaks every language on the planet, and even though they won’t know that part, she’s still completely qualified. Plus, she’ll give this job her all, work harder than anyone else they could possibly hire, because she actually cares about the people she’s teaching. Them; not just their lives so far as it pertains to her classroom.

 “How would you know that? You’ve never been one of my students.” Maybe not, but she’s taught him so much, like how to be alive again instead of just surviving. But, he should probably keep that to himself.

 “Well, I already speak English.”

 “Good point. Spanish, then?”

 “Afraid I speak that one too.”

 “French? Mandarin?”

 “Yes and yes.”

 “What about gibberish? Surely you’re not fluent in gibberish.” 

 He chuckles.

 “You’ve got me there. I don’t speak it.”

 “That’s too bad, because I’m only conversational.” Another yawn sounds from her side of the phone. “Alright, this time I really am letting you go.” Good. Hopefully, she’s finally able to get some rest now that she’s shifted some of the weight of her worries to him. “Goodnight, Bucky. Thanks for talking me down.”

 “Goodnight, Doll. You’re gonna knock ‘em dead.”

 As the call ends, his phone flashing the length of their conversation, Bucky finds that maybe, just maybe, he’ll get some sleep tonight after all.

#marvel #captain america #fanfiction #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #the winter soldier #bucky fanfic

[luigiblood]

Nintendo 64 Switch Online Analysis & Thoughts

So this post is kinda unusual from me, I said a bunch of things on Twitter but it's hard to follow, so I wanna put it all in a single post where I make an analysis of Nintendo 64 - Nintendo Switch Online and what to expect.

I will be speaking from an European point of view mostly, as for American and Asian regions, things are simpler.

What's the deal with 50hz PAL ROMs?

First things first, the thing that instantly grabbed my attention is the use of 50hz PAL games. Mind you SNES NSO does have a few of them, but it was in the case when the American version of a game simply didn't exist.

However the usage of PAL games isn't really random, because it seems to only be used for games that have multi language releases in Europe.

I did originally recognize the PAL version of Super Mario 64 through the Title Screen that says "START" instead of "PRESS START". However there are more evidence through the box arts shown in the Direct. You can really tell which one is European and which one is American especially with the ESRB rating on the box.

This at least leads me to be believe that Nintendo is still prioritizing 60hz NTSC versions but offers more languages for European users which, no one should forget about, Europe isn't made of a single language, my native language is french, and as much as I am fluent in english, I still prefer having my games in french.

This is also relevant to the future games shown in the Direct, the confirmed PAL games through their box arts are:

The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask

Banjo-Kazooie

Pokémon Snap

Paper Mario

All of which are known for being multilanguage. The rest were actually english only in Europe and were shown in their American box art.

Pokémon Snap is an interesting choice because it's the only one shown so far for having a seperate ROM for each language, that is a NTSC ROM for Japanese, NTSC and PAL for English, and then PAL for French, German, Spanish and Italian releases.

This means if Nintendo intends to take language accessibility seriously, they should implement a way to load ROMs depending on the current language (via in-app menu means or simply system language settings).

Either that, or they don't, but then why bother putting the English PAL version of the game when the English NTSC version is pretty much the same, ain't it? For me the attention to detail is pretty apparent in the Direct in their choice of box arts.

So my current theory is that the American and European N64 apps are still identical, just like NES and SNES Switch Online apps. But will offer at least some way to choose a ROM variant between PAL and NTSC.

I do hope if they implement this, that they backport it to NES and SNES for the few (important) games that are multi language. I really hope for them to implement more choice.

64DD...?

Very obviously, I tried to look if the F-Zero X footage shown in the Nintendo Direct (both European and Japanese) is actually the Expansion Kit running. Unfortunately, as I tried to closely listen to the music, it seems that the music is mono, and therefore likely to just be the original N64 version with nothing else.

It's still possible that I'm not a good listener, or that the footage was temporary, or that the Expansion Kit would be a seperate thing. Of course it may also not be worth it to emulate the 64DD at all for having so few games, but like, Nintendo, please actually give us the really nice goods for once...

Once I get the N64 Switch Online data, I intend to check for myself how it basically works, maybe we'll get some surprises, like how SNES Switch Online actually contains emulation code for the SNES Mouse and Multitap to this very day.

The little things...

Otherwise my basic understanding of the little things that people may not have noticed is that the N64 emulator does not offer a rewind option. This might make sense because Nintendo 64 emulation, as much as the system is old, is still pushing the system further, so making automated save states might be problematic in terms of performance when it happens, and also RAM usage.

I am also very happy that 4 player online is confirmed especially since the bread and butter of the Nintendo 64 is definitely its multiplayer games. (Nintendo can you make SNES 4 player games work? Super Puyo Puyo 2 is literally a 4 player game and you know this!)

The potential

Dr. Mario 64 and Operation Winback have never been released on Virtual Console (Wii and Wii U) in the past, and let's not even mention Banjo-Kazooie as a future title that brings a lot more potential to the library as it means it is open for more Rare titles, therefore already bringing more potential to N64 on Switch Online than it has ever been.

Rare Studio titles were considered on Wii U Virtual Console before, you could find configuration files for a lot of Rare games including Banjo-Kazooie, Goldeneye, Perfect Dark and Blast Corps, to name a few from the top of my head. You might also remember the release listing that I believe were just left with a placeholder date on what seemed to be far away from the end of the console's life until it happened to be closer.

Switch Online Expansion Pack..?

I am still sad that we need to pay more, but also I hope to see more consoles without the need to pay even more for like, maybe an NSO Expansion Pack 2... please no...

For me an Expansion Pack has to offer a bit more, a membership plan for me implies a lot of things, so I wouldn't be surprised if this pack is going to improve further with new content and other new ways to experience things. At least I hope so.

#nintendo #nintendo switch #nintendo switch online #nintendo 64 #n64 #analysis

[alexiessan]

Never alone - Chapter Two - Soulmate AU

AO3

Previous - Here - Next

Master List

Hello! Faster than ever before, I present you the second chapter of Never Alone!

I chose to not describe Marinette with her clothes or hairstyle so that you can imagine her as you want! In my mind, since she's a fashion designer, I imagine her always changing her clothes and very fashionable. I don't see her with her pigtails either. But it's up to you as to how you see her!

Also, I'm French, so if there are any grammatical mistakes, do not hesitate to tell me so I can come back and correct them!

Two months in the new school year, and Marinette was already exhausted. While she had a very calm summer filled with outings with her friends, she was now drowning in work. Jagged wanted her to design his newest album cover, and Clara Nightingale has asked for a new outfit for a music video.

 At school, Alya and Marinette were doing their best to find a good trip for the end of the year. The school had a decent amount of money that was set aside specifically for their class trip, but they would need to organize an event or two if they wanted to go somewhere outside of Europe. They were lucky enough that their class’ trip was set for their first year of high school: Mrs. Mendelieiv’s class’ trip was set for the next year, right before the first set of exams for the baccalaureat. 

 Along with all that, there was also her duty as Ladybug. Hawkmoth has been relatively calm during the summer, but as soon as school started again in September, he released his akumas again.

 Except, now, they were more brutal than ever before.

 Ladybug cursed as the Akuma managed to deeply cut her on her left side. She watched as Chat jumped in as she collapsed on the roof they were battling. True to his promise, Chat took his job more seriously and only joked during patrols now. He also stopped to jump mindlessly in front of her to save her from a hit and actually tried to get both of them out of the way.

 The Akuma they were fighting was a dangerous one. His arm has been transformed into two big shears, and they hurt like hell.

 Ladybug watched with fascination as her hand was tainted with her own blood. She couldn’t remember if an Akuma had hurt her that much before… She knew for sure that she was bleeding too heavily and she was getting a bit dizzy. They would need to end the fight very soon.

 Standing up, she took advantage of the distraction Chat provided to trip the Akuma with her yoyo, succeeding in tripping him. Quickly, Chat snatched the man’s bow and used cataclysm on it.

 As she cleansed the Akuma and watched the light heal Paris and herself as she cast the cure, the red-clothed superhero couldn’t help but think it was time to contact the Justice League again.

 Back when they got their miraculous, she and Chat had contacted the Justice League of Europe to ask for help. They were just teenagers without any training entrusted to protect a whole city as big as Paris, and it was clear to them they couldn’t possibly do that alone.

 The person they had talked to at the moment had listened to them, took note and told them they would come back to them after informing the heroes of the issue in Paris. It was a month later that one of the heroes contacted them, informing them they would not intervene in Paris, as they have been doing a good job up until now and the miraculous cure healed everyone and repaired everything. They then give them words of encouragement before they cut the connection.

 Ladybug had then wanted to contact the Justice League of America before remembering they wouldn’t be able to do anything as France was certainly not under their jurisdiction. 

 And thus, there they were, still two untrained teenagers, acting on instinct against people with magic powers.

 Great.

 She let Chat take care of the victim, still feeling the pain on her left side, even though it was healed and there was not a trace of blood left on her person.

 “Are you ok?”

 Ladybug watched as the victim was taken care of by some policemen and turned her attention to her partner.

 “I’m fine Chat. Sorry I had to let you handle everything.”

 “Hey, you were hurt and losing a lot of blood. It’s a wonder you could even stand up afterward.”

 The girl smiled. “Should we try to contact the JLE again?”

 Chat Noir sighed. “Even though they won’t intervene, they are watching closely what’s happening here. If they haven’t decided to step in yet, contacting them won’t change anything LB.”

 Ladybug sighed. “You’re right. Of course. I should go Chat, I’m about to transform back.”

 “Sure thing. I’ll see you later, then.”

                                                                                               Back in her room, Marinette winced as she sat down on her bed.

 “Are you really ok Marinette?”

 Tikki was looking at her with her big, wide blue eyes. She was obviously worried.

 “I’m fine, just a bit sore. I’m lucky that the cure healed me, but I think I’ll still feel the pain for a few days.”

 While the cure healed her, the pain stayed for some time after, varying on the severity of the injury. Since her latest injure was pretty severe, it would hurt for a little while.

 “Alright, I still have some homework to do for tomorrow. You should eat something and go to sleep Tikki, you must be tired after today. There should be a cookie or two on my desk.”

 The kwami looked at her for a moment before flying over her desk, knowing it was useless to insist and there wasn’t anything she could do anyway. Even if she wished she could take Marinette’s pain away.  

                      “Alright girl, you said you found something for the trip?”

 It was early December now, and Marinette had asked Alya to join her in the school library to discuss the trip. The fashion designer took the laptop out of her bag and opened it to show her what she found.

 “So, you know how the trip also has to be educational? This is the Wayne Career Program. It’s designed for high school students. Each one of us would shadow someone in the firm as a sort of internship to learn about different professions.”

 “Putain, girl! That’s amazing. Wayne Enterprises have a lot of different sectors. I could totally work with the PR team if we can manage to secure a trip there. Plus it’s in Gotham, in America!”

 Alya literally squealed at the idea of traveling overseas.

 “Yeah, I’m a bit worried about that actually. You know it’s not really the safest place on Earth.”

 And what an understatement that was. Gotham was probably the city with the most crimes in the world. It would be a miracle if the school allowed them to go. But then again, the school board would do anything to up their reputation and a class winning an internship at WE… The principal would boast about it years after they had all graduated.

 “There is an essay we have to write to apply. I suggest we write it before we present the idea to Ms. Bustier. We also need to prepare arguments for her and the school board.”

 “No problem girl, I already have tons of arguments there.” The reporter showed her her notebook where there were two pages filled with arguments. The class president nodded, those were really good. She could really rely on her friend.

 “Well, that was quick. Those should be enough to convince them. On to the essay, then. ‘How do you think you can change the world?’”

 They spent hours after that, taking notes and making several drafts of the essay. It took them a week to have the actual final product and when they handed it to Ms. Bustier, she was delighted. It was decided they wouldn’t announce the destination of the trip to the class until they were sure it could be a possibility.

 Alya and Marinette had dropped hints about the destination though, to see if the class would actually like to go to Gotham.

 After a week or so, they knew they had chosen well.

 On Marinette’s birthday, on the 16th of December, after lunch where the whole class sang Happy birthday to her, the class president and the class deputy had a meeting with the principal and the board of the school.

 It was tough to convince them, and the meeting actually lasted the whole afternoon, but at the end of the day, they had all signed the papers that confirmed that the trip would happen in Gotham, should the two girls won the contest. They even agreed to unfreeze some more funds for it. This program would really look good on the school’s record. 

 It was with a bright smile that they returned to class ten minutes before the end of the day bell and announced to everyone that the trip to Gotham has been confirmed. Using the classroom’s computer, the whole class witness as the two girls applied to the Wayne Career Program.

 Now, all they had to do was wait for an answer. 

                                                                                 Life after that was a bit calmer for Marinette, if you didn’t count the Akumas. She worried that they were more and more violent, and more often than not, she had lingering pain from injuries she got at Ladybug.

 But life was good. Lila had even stopped lying and was herself. Even if it means that she wasn’t very kind to anyone, even mocking all of them at times, the class would just scoff and roll their eyes at her antics. The designer still wouldn’t talk to her, but the atmosphere in the class was lighter than the previous year, and for that Marinette was grateful.

 They were all at an outdoor ice rink at the end of January when Marinette’s phone beeped with a notification. 

 “Oh fucking shit, guys!”

 It caught everyone’s attention as the tiny Dupain-Cheng was not one to curse like that.

 “I just got an email for Mr. Wayne’s secretary! Our class is among the nine others to have won the contest! We are going to Gotham in May!”

 Everyone cheered at that, hugging each other and even going as far as carrying Marinette and Alya around, as it was their doing.

 “America, here we come!” shouted Kim.

 “You do realize that you will have to work extra hard on your English, right?” teased Max.

 “Oh, shit.”

 Everyone laughed at that, but it was agreed among themselves and their English teacher that they would all stay for an hour and a half after school to learn the language, up until their trip.

 “I can’t wait to see Gotham’s heroes in action!” squealed Alya.

 “Aren’t they vigilantes?” asked Mylène.

 “Same thing!”

 “Not quite, babe.” grinned Nino.

 Even Lila was smiling with them, and it was huge progress in their book.

 Marinette smiled, “We’ll be there for two weeks. The first week, we’ll be visiting around, and the second week will be dedicated to our internships. I will have to send a list of all our careers of interest to Mr. Wayne’s secretary, so they can organize who we will be shadowing. So, I’ll need you to send me those pieces of information this weekend, so I can send it on Monday, okay?”

 “Roger that, boss.”

 As Alya took her hand to skate with her around the rink, the baker’s daughter couldn’t help the huge smile on her lips. A year ago, there was a lot of tension in the class, and here they were, all laughing together and talking excitedly about the upcoming trip that their class president and deputy won them.

 She could hear Rose talking excitedly about the things she wanted to see in Gotham. She watched as Kim challenged Alix on God knows what and laughed as Max stated that he had a two-percent chance of winning that bet. She smiled as Adrien, with them at an outing for once, fell on his butt and Nino laughed as he helped him up. She even grinned as she watched Lila having a conversation with Nathaniel without being mean or mocking him once.

 She had thought a year before that Lila would never change, but she was wrong. And she was happy that she had been, because even though Lila wasn’t very nice, well, all her classmates were kind enough to make up for it.

 Yeah, Marinette thought with a smile, life was good. And she had a feeling that it would be even better.

Tag list: 

@bigpicklebananatree @animegirlweeb @crazylittlemunchkin @northernbluetongue @cutechip @justafanwarrior @iloontjeboontje @resignedcatservant

#ml x dc #miraculous x dc #maribat #daminette #maridami #damian x marinette

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2020

You know, when I finished my latest list and realised every decade had the same pattern and that we were slowly going towards a series of great years for pop, I didn’t realise how good that year would be.

What’s at the top? Am I boringly predictable because I already said I loved that song all the way back in January 2020? Let’s find out.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. How was your 2020?

Mine was actually surprisingly good, considering. I’m lucky enough to have a job that I can partially do from home, and I was extremely paranoid from the get-go and nobody got sick under this roof so far. Turns out I’m even better at my job from home and I got permission to work from home one day per week even after the health crisis is over! My first name was also finally officially approved and I can’t tell you how happy I feel about that. I almost feel bad to have had such a good year considering the circumstances. I feel like an asshole just because I’m happy, haha.

The only frustrating part was that I was supposed to see Hatari in concert in Paris in early April which, as you can guess, was cancelled. I’m not too mad about it though, since their tour was called “Europe will crumble” and the message saying the tour was cancelled started with “since Europe is actually crumbling due to Covid-19″ and that’s hysterical.

Good or interesting albums that came out in 2020 now, let’s see.

Nightwish released Human/Nature, which was a huge letdown compared to their previous album, but I will relisten to it at some point to make sure I wasn’t just in a bad mood that day.

The Birthday Massacre released Diamonds, which might be their weakest album since their debut, but contained some real gems (I listened to The Last Goodbye on a loop, it floored me. Flashback and Enter are also very good).

The 1975 released Notes On A Conditional Form, and let’s be real, it’s a f█cking mess. You could cut half the tracks and end up with an excellent album, but as it is it’s like, yes, a collection of notes ; however there’s some truely excellent shit on it (see unelligible songs).

Thanks to a friend on a discord server I was exposed to Dorian Electra’s music and I haven’t been quite the same ever since. I’m so happy to be alive to see other enbies making such great music with an insanely good aesthetic surrounding it and asking so many interesting questions about gender. Also the arc the ‘gentleman’ character goes through over the course of the entire tracklist of the 2020 My Agenda album is absolutely hilarious, don’t @ me.

I also discovered 100 Gecs this year. Why are most of you guys saying it’s unlistenable garbage. It’s just as abrasive and over the top as industrial music is, but with none of the edginess or drama. I love it. What the hell. But yeah Tree of Clues was released this year. Good.

Speaking of industrial, in March 2020 Nine Inch Nails were like “hey remember when we released Ghosts I-IV a decade ago entirely for free and how amazing that was? Well we’re all in lockdown and bored as hell so here’s Ghosts V-VI and it’s also free. Enjoy” and I f█cking died instantly. And it’s even better than I-IV. What the hell was that year

Jonsi released Shiver. It’s strange and highly experimental. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing I was into hyperpop this year, otherwise going from his previous material straight to this album would have been brutal.

Yadda yadda yadda After Hours by the Weeknd good yadda yadda.

I’ve joked about that already but if you had told me in 2019 that 2020 would have fires, a pandemic, riots, monoliths appearing and disappearing, and also a super good Machine Gun Kelly album, guess which part I would have found the most ridiculous. But yeah uh. Tickets to my Downfall good

So uh this year I tried to listen to some hyperpop and liked it a lot, and I also dipped my toes timidly into screamo and listened to Svalbard, who released When I Die this year, and the entire album was a very beautiful, very intricately decorated punch to the face. It sounds like God Is An Astronaut except with a shit ton of yelling. I love it. Open Wound is my favorite track on it.

But no, despite all of this, my album of the year was from a band I had never even heard about before that year, called Spanish Love Songs. The album is titled Brave Faces Everyone and it’s line after line after line of extremely relatable generational angst but yelled with complete sincerity and it’s so propulsive and energetic you can’t help but feel both exhausted and ready to fight the entire universe. I don’t know how it works, but it’s incredible. The entire album is wonderfully brutal, so it’s kind of difficult to pick my favorite songs on it, but Beachfront Property and the title track stand out.

Unelligible songs, now, and there’s, uh, quite a few of them too so I’m also gonna use bullet points. Good lord this post is gonna be long.

First, let me say I have literally no idea why Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s not on the year-end US top 100 and it feels extremely wrong. Would have made it to #4 on this list otherwise.

I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.

Heaven by the late Avicii featuring Coldplay should have charted in 2019 and still didn’t chart in 2020 and that’s a real shame.

If the world was a bit less unfair, Lovesick Girls by Blackpink would have been a hit rather than the awful Ice Cream.

One day I will stop complaining about my bafflement concerning the lack of mainstream pop charts success of The 1975. Today is not that day. I just love how they keep making songs about extremely awkward relationships full of weird details, and I haven’t grown tired of that yet. So yeah If You’re Too Shy is about a guy who’s crush is asking him to get naked on Skype in his hotel room and he’s, uh, not too sure about that idea.

And Me & You Together is about a guy who never finds the right moment to tell his best friend he’s in love with her, and he manages to do so at the end and it’s cute as hell. My fave part is “I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer / It's not as weird as it appears / It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me) / Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay / But we're friends, so it's cool, why would it not be?”. Relatable as f█ck.

And now for an international hit that should have been bigger in the US and/or in my country but wasn’t: Head & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK.

I’ve heard Nos Célébrations by Indochine extremely often on French radio for months now so I was very surprised to see that it didn’t crack the local year-end list. What happened.

I can finally hear the appeal of Bring Me The Horizon. It took me ages. And also Death Stranding. The song Ludens isn’t in the game per say, but it’s among the ones you can pick to broadcast briefly when people drive by your constructions, and long story short it's been living rent-free in my head for months now.

Phew.

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, which is saying something considering the kind of shit I put on some of my previous lists.

Ne Reviens Pas (Gradur et Heuss l’Enfoiré) - Heuss is a French artist that kept baffling me while making my lists for the previous years, and I was like “??? ok, that’s it then, I guess I’m getting too old to get what teenagers find funny”. This one worked for me, though. And the music video doesn’t hurt. Really dumb and really fun.

Adore You (Harry Styles) - Perfectly good little pop song, very pleasant to listen to, never outstayed its welcome for me.

Mood (24kGoldn) - This doesn’t sound like a very good relationship, my dude, but that’s still a super pleasant song.

WAP (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) - This song is absolutely hilarious and I will hear no argument from any of you.

Control (Zoe Wees) - Was clearly a hit here. Should have been even bigger though. What a powerful but comfy voice. If I had better taste it would be on the list.

Hot Girl Bummer (Blackbear) - I. Uh. Listen. I keep saying I have bad taste and nobody believes me. Do you believe me now. But yeah. “F█ck you, and you, and you~, I hate your friends and they hate me too” is gonna pop in my head every single time someone is being a jerk anywhere near me now. It’s been happening all year already. Someone trashed my documents at work? Someone isn’t wearing a mask in public? That guy has filled his car with rolls of toilet paper? Brain goes “F█ck you, and you, and you~”. Every. Single. Time.

Come & Go (Juice WRLD & Marshmello ) - Damn, that’s a pretty good little song. I’ve seen plenty of people saying it’s ruined by the drop, but may I remind you I’m the person who loves Blue by Eiffel 65 with all my heart. If the song was ramping up consistently until the end instead of ending like that, it would have made the list, definitely.

And now, the actual list. This one actually feels pretty solid, I genuinely like everything on it, there’s no filler here for once.

10 - The Box (Roddy Rich)

US: #3 / FR: #23

Now this is a weird case, because for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this song was so popular and I was completely neutral about it. Then, one morning in September, my mental jukebox (which always, always puts a song on a loop in my head when I wake up) decided to play it. And I was like oh wow?? I never noticed the atmosphere in that song before? It’s so great. And that hook too. Let’s listen to it.

So yeah, I don’t know what happened. It just clicked one day and everything fell into place, I guess.

9 - Alane (Wes & Robin Shulz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #93

Come on. You can’t do a remake of one of my previous #1 songs and let it chart in 2020. That’s cheating. Even with this subpar drop, I have to put it on the list, now.

I’ve already said my piece about the original, so I’m just going to send you back to my 1997 list.

8 - Kings and Queens (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

[BBC documentary voice] After Lady Gaga decided to make piano balads and left her musical niche vacant, Ava Max quickly took her place as the top predator pop diva. Even after Lady Gaga was re-introduced to her natural habitat in 2020, she still hasn’t fully recovered in Europe, where Ava Max still reigns supreme on the charts -

(tldr I think it’s hilarious that this isn’t on the US Billboard while Lady Gaga isn’t on the French year-end top 100)

7 - Roses (Saint Jhn & Imanbek)

US: #19 / FR: #3

What an earworm. It doesn’t even bother trying to have an intro or an outro, so it loops almost perfectly. It’s like entering a party that started long before you arrived, and it will go on long after you leave it to go back home. Kind of hypnotic in a way.

And yes, my mental jukebox was very fond of using it to wake me up this year, so this is another song that’s here almost solely because of that.

6 - Physical (Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69 (hehehe)

“Hey I’m not that old” says the guy who’s definitely a sucker for this kind of retro throwback that was so popular this year. Oh well.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, though. Apart from the fact that everyone seems to have a different fave song on that album. Guess that’s quality for you.

5 - Rain on Me (Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

That is far from being Lady Gaga’s best song, but it was a joy to listen to everytime it was on the radio anyway. Also Ariana Grande has surprisingly good chemistry with Gaga! This year was full of strange duets mostly made for commercial reasons, and this one isn’t an exception, but unlike a lot of them, it really, really works.

4 - Dynamite (BTS)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

I’m still not 100% sold on k-pop even if a ton of it sounds super good, but come on. Even if some bits of this song (especially the beginning of the second chorus) sound a bit like they were made on autopilot, it still sounds just as happy and fun several months after I first heard it and I never got tired of it. That’s quality. You hear it and you can’t help but tap your feet and smile.

Actually, I’m sure there’s people somewhere that don’t smile when they hear this song. And they must be avoided at all costs.

3 - Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD)

US: #62 / FR: Not on the list

What are you doing so high on this list, old man. Why are you still here in the year 2020. I thought we left you in the previous decade. Who gave you the right.

I’m gonna tell you who did, and it’s actually Juice WRLD. Because that chorus is incredible, and like a lot of people I’m pissed off because the guy died super young and this shit shouldn’t happen to anybody. No, his early material wasn’t great, but I’m sorry I’m gonna say it again: have you heard this damn chorus? It’s suspenseful and dark, it’s got this lowkey menacing quality, it’s an earworm and a half, and it’s more convincing in like six lines than Eminem’s own flexing is in the entire song.

The beat is extremely good as well, and the flow, obviously, impressive. The weakest link is Eminem’s writing, which is as usual full of puns and weird wordplay, except here a lot of it isn’t great, and that last ultra fast part at the end is technically impressive but it also drives the song up a cliff and stops it dead in its tracks once it’s over. But frankly the lines fly by so fast it’s difficult to be too annoyed by them.

Can I sincerely put this extremely flawed song so high on my list? A better question would be “did I spend hours trying to learn how to sing this shit without choking on my own spit?”. The answer is yes. To both.

2 - Heartless (The Weeknd)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

I’ve said it on my 2015 and 2016 lists already, but just for the record I’ll say it again: it took me ages to like The Weeknd, mostly because I found most of his songs fairly boring, or disliked the lyrics, or both. Also I never really liked the general vibe of his “sexy” songs like The Hills, they felt dark but in an unpleasant creepy way. Felt like miserable hedonism, if that makes sense.

So, because I’m a person with extremely consistent and logical tastes, here’s the exact same shit he was making before, except that this time I absolutely adore it.

What is he doing differently that makes the whole After Hours album click for me whereas almost all of his previous material failed to do so? Is it the energy? Is it the reverb? Is it the fact that the narrator sounds properly unhinged and, frankly, scared to be spiralling out of control? Why are the colors so beautiful yet full of anxiety? Why is that bridge so fantastic? How can you make your voice look like a glowstick in the dark?

I give up. I have no clue. At least I’m done talking about-

Oh.

1 - Blinding Lights (The Weeknd)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (listen sometimes something’s just that good, ok)

Surprise. Or not.

Wow, look at that, Johannes has put this year’s number one pop song at number one on their personal playlist. The audacity. The edge. What a hot take.

I discovered that song when it first came out at the end of 2019 and I adored it instantly. And I was so scared it wouldn’t be a hit. Which means I’m a f█cking dumbass considering it ended up breaking all sorts of records in 2020. But what can I say, overplay can be a blessing when you love a song that much.

Like every single song I put at number one on one of my lists, I will draw this one at some point and you will understand how incredibly satisfying it is to listen to a song called Blinding Lights, talking about city lights looking blurry when you’re driving at night, while looking itself like a bunch of blurry city lights passing by super fast. Perfect in every way.

Also it sounds exactly like A-ha, and that never hurts.

See you next year! Pretty sure it will be even better music-wise.

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #eye contact tw

[bakug0stw1nk]

Hello, everyone! This is the LONGEST TEXT EVER! I was inspired by the various other "longest texts ever" on the internet, and I wanted to make my own. So here it is! This is going to be a WORLD RECORD! This is actually my third attempt at doing this. The first time, I didn't save it. The second time, the Neocities editor crashed. Now I'm writing this in Notepad, then copying it into the Neocities editor instead of typing it directly in the Neocities editor to avoid crashing. It sucks that my past two attempts are gone now. Those actually got pretty long. Not the longest, but still pretty long. I hope this one won't get lost somehow. Anyways, let's talk about WAFFLES! I like waffles. Waffles are cool. Waffles is a funny word. There's a Teen Titans Go episode called "Waffles" where the word "Waffles" is said a hundred-something times. It's pretty annoying. There's also a Teen Titans Go episode about Pig Latin. Don't know what Pig Latin is? It's a language where you take all the consonants before the first vowel, move them to the end, and add '-ay' to the end. If the word begins with a vowel, you just add '-way' to the end. For example, "Waffles" becomes "Afflesway". I've been speaking Pig Latin fluently since the fourth grade, so it surprised me when I saw the episode for the first time. I speak Pig Latin with my sister sometimes. It's pretty fun. I like speaking it in public so that everyone around us gets confused. That's never actually happened before, but if it ever does, 'twill be pretty funny. By the way, "'twill" is a word I invented recently, and it's a contraction of "it will". I really hope it gains popularity in the near future, because "'twill" is WAY more fun than saying "it'll". "It'll" is too boring. Nobody likes boring. This is nowhere near being the longest text ever, but eventually it will be! I might still be writing this a decade later, who knows? But right now, it's not very long. But I'll just keep writing until it is the longest! Have you ever heard the song "Dau Dau" by Awesome Scampis? It's an amazing song. Look it up on YouTube! I play that song all the time around my sister! It drives her crazy, and I love it. Another way I like driving my sister crazy is by speaking my own made up language to her. She hates the languages I make! The only language that we both speak besides English is Pig Latin. I think you already knew that. Whatever. I think I'm gonna go for now. Bye! Hi, I'm back now. I'm gonna contribute more to this soon-to-be giant wall of text. I just realised I have a giant stuffed frog on my bed. I forgot his name. I'm pretty sure it was something stupid though. I think it was "FROG" in Morse Code or something. Morse Code is cool. I know a bit of it, but I'm not very good at it. I'm also not very good at French. I barely know anything in French, and my pronunciation probably sucks. But I'm learning it, at least. I'm also learning Esperanto. It's this language that was made up by some guy a long time ago to be the "universal language". A lot of people speak it. I am such a language nerd. Half of this text is probably gonna be about languages. But hey, as long as it's long! Ha, get it? As LONG as it's LONG? I'm so funny, right? No, I'm not. I should probably get some sleep. Goodnight! Hello, I'm back again. I basically have only two interests nowadays: languages and furries. What? Oh, sorry, I thought you knew I was a furry. Haha, oops. Anyway, yeah, I'm a furry, but since I'm a young furry, I can't really do as much as I would like to do in the fandom. When I'm older, I would like to have a fursuit, go to furry conventions, all that stuff. But for now I can only dream of that. Sorry you had to deal with me talking about furries, but I'm honestly very desperate for this to be the longest text ever. Last night I was watching nothing but fursuit unboxings. I think I need help. This one time, me and my mom were going to go to a furry Christmas party, but we didn't end up going because of the fact that there was alcohol on the premises, and that she didn't wanna have to be a mom dragging her son through a crowd of furries. Both of those reasons were understandable. Okay, hopefully I won't have to talk about furries anymore. I don't care if you're a furry reading this right now, I just don't wanna have to torture everyone else. I will no longer say the F word throughout the rest of this entire text. Of course, by the F word, I mean the one that I just used six times, not the one that you're probably thinking of which I have not used throughout this entire text. I just realised that next year will be 2020. That's crazy! It just feels so futuristic! It's also crazy that the 2010s decade is almost over. That decade brought be a lot of memories. In fact, it brought be almost all of my memories. It'll be sad to see it go. I'm gonna work on a series of video lessons for Toki Pona. I'll expain what Toki Pona is after I come back. Bye! 'm back now, and I decided not to do it on Toki Pona, since many other people have done Toki Pona video lessons already. I decided to do it on Viesa, my English code. Now, I shall explain what Toki Pona is. Toki Pona is a minimalist constructed language that has only ~120 words! That means you can learn it very quickly. I reccomend you learn it! It's pretty fun and easy! Anyway, yeah, I might finish my video about Viesa later. But for now, I'm gonna add more to this giant wall of text, because I want it to be the longest! It would be pretty cool to have a world record for the longest text ever. Not sure how famous I'll get from it, but it'll be cool nonetheless. Nonetheless. That's an interesting word. It's a combination of three entire words. That's pretty neat. Also, remember when I said that I said the F word six times throughout this text? I actually messed up there. I actually said it ten times (including the plural form). I'm such a liar! I struggled to spell the word "liar" there. I tried spelling it "lyer", then "lier". Then I remembered that it's "liar". At least I'm better at spelling than my sister. She's younger than me, so I guess it's understandable. "Understandable" is a pretty long word. Hey, I wonder what the most common word I've used so far in this text is. I checked, and appearantly it's "I", with 59 uses! The word "I" makes up 5% of the words this text! I would've thought "the" would be the most common, but "the" is only the second most used word, with 43 uses. "It" is the third most common, followed by "a" and "to". Congrats to those five words! If you're wondering what the least common word is, well, it's actually a tie between a bunch of words that are only used once, and I don't wanna have to list them all here. Remember when I talked about waffles near the beginning of this text? Well, I just put some waffles in the toaster, and I got reminded of the very beginnings of this longest text ever. Okay, that was literally yesterday, but I don't care. You can't see me right now, but I'm typing with my nose! Okay, I was not able to type the exclamation point with just my nose. I had to use my finger. But still, I typed all of that sentence with my nose! I'm not typing with my nose right now, because it takes too long, and I wanna get this text as long as possible quickly. I'm gonna take a break for now! Bye! Hi, I'm back again. My sister is beside me, watching me write in this endless wall of text. My sister has a new thing where she just says the word "poop" nonstop. I don't really like it. She also eats her own boogers. I'm not joking. She's gross like that. Also, remember when I said I put waffles in the toaster? Well, I forgot about those and I only ate them just now. Now my sister is just saying random numbers. Now she's saying that they're not random, they're the numbers being displayed on the microwave. Still, I don't know why she's doing that. Now she's making annoying clicking noises. Now she's saying that she's gonna watch Friends on three different devices. Why!?!?! Hi its me his sister. I'd like to say that all of that is not true. Max wants to make his own video but i wont let him because i need my phone for my alarm.POOP POOP POOP POOP LOL IM FUNNY. kjnbhhisdnhidfhdfhjsdjksdnjhdfhdfghdfghdfbhdfbcbhnidjsduhchyduhyduhdhcduhduhdcdhcdhjdnjdnhjsdjxnj Hey, I'm back. Sorry about my sister. I had to seize control of the LTE from her because she was doing keymash. Keymash is just effortless. She just went back to school. She comes home from school for her lunch break. I think I'm gonna go again. Bye! Hello, I'm back. Let's compare LTE's. This one is only 8593 characters long so far. Kenneth Iman's LTE is 21425 characters long. The Flaming-Chicken LTE (the original) is a whopping 203941 characters long! I think I'll be able to surpass Kenneth Iman's not long from now. But my goal is to surpass the Flaming-Chicken LTE. Actually, I just figured out that there's an LTE longer than the Flaming-Chicken LTE. It's Hermnerps LTE, which is only slightly longer than the Flaming-Chicken LTE, at 230634 characters. My goal is to surpass THAT. Then I'll be the world record holder, I think. But I'll still be writing this even after I achieve the world record, of course. One time, I printed an entire copy of the Bee Movie script for no reason. I heard someone else say they had three copies of the Bee Movie script in their backpack, and I got inspired. But I only made one copy because I didn't want to waste THAT much paper. I still wasted quite a bit of paper, though. Now I wanna see how this LTE compares to the Bee Movie script. Okay, I checked, and the Bee Movie script is 50753 characters long. Not as long as some of the LTEs I mentioned, but still longer than mine and Kenneth Iman's combined. This LTE is getting close to 10000 characters! That means it'll be half the length of Kenneth Iman's LTE. That's pretty exciting. Also, going back to the topic of the Bee Movie Script, I tried to write the entire thing out by hand once. But I never finished it, especially since I'm focusing on this thing now. Maybe I should write this LTE out by hand. Nah, I don't think I will. Yay, we're at 10000 characters! Let's celebrate by talking about MUSIC! Music is cool. That concludes our celebratory discussion about music. Thank you, and have a good rest of your day. Hi, I'm back now, and I got a book! It's a dictionary for a language called Elefen. It's like Esperanto, but better. Now I can learn Elefen even without internet! That's pretty cool. I will now write something in Elefen. See if you can understand it! Here goes: Si tu pote leje esta, tu es merveliosa! Elefen es un lingua multe fresca! Did you understand that? Maybe you can't speak Elefen, but you still understood that because of your knowledge of other languages. Elefen is cool because it's an actual language, not an English code like Pig Latin or Viesa. Oh, I forgot to mention that my sister is back from school. She's blasting Rhett and Link songs right now. Have you seen that picture of Rhett and Link standing with a bunch of *******? Sorry, I almost said the F word there. That would've broken my rule of not saying the F word. I wrote something in Elefen, so I will also write something in Toki Pona. See if you can understand it now! sina sona e toki mi la sina pona mute a! I can speak Toki Pona fluently, by the way. It's also a pretty cool language. My sister is still playing annoying songs. It's hindering my focus right now. But it's fiiiiine. Okay, luckily she's run out of songs to play. At least for now. She's trying to think of another annoying song to play. Now she's playing a song by Green Day. Not NEARLY as bad as the other songs she just played. I should go for now. Goodbye! Hello, I'm back once again. I don't know why I feel obligated to say that every time I come back. But I'll keep doing it anyway. My sister stopped blasting annoying songs, so that's good. She's cooking something in the microwave. I'll go check to see what it is right now. Nevermind, it's already done cooking. Right, I remember! It's mac and cheese! Now she just started singing "I have a tongue, you don't, because I cut it off yesterday". I don't know what goes on in her mind when she does stuff like that. I've been messing around with my Elefen dictionary for a while, looking up whatever random words I can think of. By the way, the whole reason I'm doing this longest text ever is because of pointlesssites.com. That's how I found the Flaming-Chicken LTE, which inspired me to start writing this LTE. So thanks, pointlesssites.com! I check that website every day to see what new pointless websites they add. You know, I could double every letter I type so that this text would be twice as long as it normally would be. But nah, that's kinda cheating. So I won't. Also, SUBSCRIBE TO PEWDIEPIE! There, I did my part. Not that anyone will read this, but still. 'Twould be nice if you subscribed to PewDiePie. That's another word I invented. Actually, I looked it up, and I didn't invent it. Someone came up with it before I did. That's pretty sad. Also, LEARN VIESA TODAY! IT WILL CURE YOUR DEPRESSION! Seriously though, learn Viesa. It won't actually cure your depression, but I'm desperate for speakers. I only have one other person to speak it with. I should go now. Goodbye. Hi, I’m back. I just came up with an idea: SIMPLIFIED ENGLISH! Or, in Simplified Engish: Simifid Enis. It’s where every group of consonant letters is reduced to the first consonant in that group of consonants, and same goes with the vowels. If a word ends up being just a single consonant with no vowel, put ‘a’ at the end. So “I like eating my waffles” becomes “I like etin ma wafes”. Isn’t it the most amazing thing ever? Nah, it’s not quite as amazing as Viesa. Actually, Viesa isn’t a real language, so it’s less amazing then Elefen and Toki Pona, both of which are cool languages. I kinda figured that half of this text would be about languages. Oh well. I just really want this to be the longest text ever, without using copy and paste, keymash, etc. If you remember, my sister did a little bit of keymash in this text a while ago. I would’ve deleted it, but nah, I didn’t feel like it. And besides, it’s not like it took up half this text. I have an estimate for how long it’ll take me to be the world record holder: about one month. I think I can manage one month of writing this. You know what? I’m just gonna break my rule of not saying the word “furry”. There, I said it. Now I’m allowing myself to write “furry” whenever I want. So with that out of the way, let’s talk about how I first became a furry. For some reason, I have the exact date when I became a furry memorized. It’s May 4, 2018. At that time, I discovered that I was a furry by watching some furry YouTube videos. I knew about the existence of furries years before this, but I didn’t know much about it until this time. I said to myself, “You know what? I’m a furry now,” and that’s what started it all. And I’ve been slowly learning more about the fandom ever since. I would like to participate more in the fandom when I’m older, but I’m too young for most of it right now. Guess I’ll just have to wait. But in the meantime, I can write about it in this text. I should sleep now. Goodnight. Hello, I'm back once again. Happy Pi Day! I memorized a bunch of digits of Pi once, not sure how many I still remember... I have literally nothing to write about now. I've been trying to come up with something for the past 10 minutes, and I still have no idea. Literally nothing is happening right now. It's pretty boring. My sister is watching Friends, as usual. Okay, since there's nothing for me to write about, I should go now. Bye! Wow, it has been a while since I last added to this. It is now July 10, 2019. Last time I edited this page was Pi Day, which was March 14. Those 4 months of this thing being untouched end today! Wait... 4 months? That means I was supposed to get this past the world record three months ago. Oh well. I have put many things into this text. A lot of them were cringy, like how I keep mentioning furry-related things. You know, I should stop putting things in here when I know I'm gonna cringe at them later. I'll try not to do that from here on out. I just know I'll fail though. I'd hate to be aware of someone reading this entire thing... like, if I had to sit and watch a family member or something read this entire text, I would cringe so hard. I would not want that to happen. I am currently pasting the entirety of the FlamingChicken LTE onto a page on OurWorldOfText. The frustrating thing about pasting stuff there is that it pastes one letter at a time, so it takes forever to paste long text. And when the tab isn't open, I'm pretty sure it just stops pasting, so you have to keep the tab open if you want it to continue. Why am I even doing this? No idea. I might not even paste the whole thing. I probably won't. Hey, I just had a thought. What if, in the future, students are reading this for a class assignment? What if this LTE becomes part of the school curriculum? If so, hi future student! I hope you're enjoying reading my CRINGE. What is my life coming to? That's enough writing for now. Goodbye. Hey again. Might as well continue writing in here for a bit. Hey, have you ever heard of 3D Movie Maker? It's a program from the 90s (that still works on modern computers) where you can make 3D animated movies. It's pretty cool. I've made a few movies with it myself, and many other people use it to make interesting stuff. In case you want to try it for yourself, I'm sure if you google "3dmm download" or something like that, it will take you somewhere where you can download the program. It's kinda aimed at younger children, but hopefully that doesn't stop you from making absolute masterpieces with this program. I have a keyboard in my room (the musical kind, not the one you type words on), and I don't really know how to play it properly, but I do it anyways. I can play a few songs on the piano (albeit with weird fingering because like I just said, I have no idea what I'm doing), including HOME - Resonance and PilotRedSun - Bodybuilder. You might not know one or both of those songs. If you don't know one of them, why not google it? You will have discovered some new music, and it will all be because of me. Why are you reading this, anyways? How did you even find it? Were you like me, and you were browsing pointlesssites.com, eventually finding the FlamingChicken LTE and going down a rabbit hole of discovering random LTEs? Literally the only reason I'm writing this right now is because that happened. I just discovered a new LTE: the RainbowFluffySheep LTE. I'm gonna see how many characters long it is. 75,957 characters. Pretty long, but not as long as the top two LTEs (FlamingChicken and Hermnerps, both with around 200,000 characters). I wanna write as much as possible into this text today. I'm gonna see how much LTE-writing I can do in one day. Hopefully it's a lot, because I wanna hold a world record! Imagine having a world record. Well, would it really be a world record? Because I don't know of any world record books that have "Longest Text Ever" as a record. Oh well, I just hope this LTE passes exactly 230,634 characters. That's all my goal is. I'm not even a tenth of the way there yet, but give it a month and I'm sure I'll get there. Hey, remember last time I said it would only take a month? That was four months ago. I should just stop promising things all together at this point. Forget I said anything about that. Did you know my sister has an LTE? That's right! It's not very long, though, and you can't read it because it's on her phone. She made it while bored at the library. That library was where I used to have web design classes. Those were fun, but I don't do them anymore. Now all I do it sit at home and write stuff in here. Well, I'm exaggerating. I go to the convenience store with my sister sometimes. But that's pretty much it outside of being bored on a computer. I should be a less boring human being. One day, I should translate this entire LTE into Viesa. That would be a big waste of time, even bigger than writing the LTE itself. But I could still do it. I don't think I ever will. This text is simply too long, and it'll be even longer than that by the time I pass 230,634 characters. By the way, if you think I'm gonna stop writing this once I pass 230,634 characters, you're wrong! Because I'll keep writing this even after I pass that point. It'll feel nice to be way ahead the record. My sister's alarm clock has been going off for half an hour and I haven't turned it off. Why? Because LAZYNESS! Actually, I really should turn it off now. There, I turned it off. First when I tried to turn it off, it started playing the radio. Then I tried again, and it turned off completely. Then I hurt myself on the door while walking out. So that was quite the adventure. I'm gonna go sleep now. Goodnight! Hey, I'm back again. My computer BSOD'd while writing this, so I have to start this section over again. That's why you save your work, kids! Before I had to start over again, I was talking about languages. Yes, I decided to bring that topic back after a while. But I no longer want to talk about it. Why? Because it'll probably bore you to death. That is assuming you're reading this at all. Who knows, maybe absolutely zero people will read this within the span of the universe's existence. But I doubt that. There's gotta be someone who'll find this text and dedicate their time to reading it, even if it takes thousands of years for that to happen. What will happen to this LTE in a thousand years? Will the entire internet dissapear within that time? In that case, will this text dissapear with it? Or will it, along with the rest of what used to be the internet, be preserved somewhere? I'm thinking out loud right now. Well, not really "out loud" because I'm typing this, and you can't technically be loud through text. THE CLOSEST THING IS TYPING IN ALL CAPS. Imagine if I typed this entire text like that. That would be painful. I decided to actually save my work this time, in case of another crash. I already had my two past attempts at an LTE vanish from existance. I mean, most of this LTE is already stored on Neocities, so I probably won't need to worry about anything. I think I might change the LTE page a little. I want the actual text area to be larger. I'm gonna make it a very basic HTML page with just a header and text. Maybe with some CSS coloring. I don't know. Screw it, I'm gonna do it. There, now the text area is larger. It really does show how small this LTE is so far compared to FlamingChicken or Hermnerps. But at least I made the background a nice Alice Blue. That's the name of the CSS color I used. It's pretty light. We're getting pretty close to the 1/10 mark! That's the point where we're one tenth of the way to making this the longest text ever, meaning all I have to do is write the equivalent of everything I've already written so far nine more times! Not gonna make any promises, though. How come every time I try to type "though", it comes out as "thought"? Why do I always type the extra T? It's so annoying that I have to delete the T every time. Okay, only mildly annoying. Not as annoying as I previously described. I apologize for my exaggeration of the annoyance level of me typing "thought" instead of "though". I just realized that most of the games I play are games that I've been playing for at least six years. I started playing Garry's Mod in 2013, Minecraft in whatever year version 1.2.3 came out. Now I have to look that up. March 2, 2012. So I started playing Minecraft approximately during that time. Wow, seven years ago! Coincidentally, I was also seven years old then. I remember the days of 2012-13. That was when I still played Roblox and made terrible YouTube videos. I was called "Infinite Budgets" back then. I also remember the days of 2016. A lot of people thought that was a terrible year, but for me personally, it brings me a lot of nostalgia because I talked a lot with my online friend at the time, and I did livestreams on YouTube and stuff. It was fun. 2016 was also when I got the phone that I still have to this day. Yup, my phone is three years old. My life was completely different when I got this phone: I was 11 years old, my YouTube channel actually had activity, and I wasn’t writing this text. I’m currently writing this in the car. We are on out way to the dollar store. And since I’m writing this on my phone, I’m making a lot more typos than usual. Some of them might make it through, so be prepared for that. Anyways, we appear to be getting close to the dollar store. I have a gift card for that place. I think so anyways, it might be for a different store... Yup, this dollar store is different. Oh well. My sister has an obsession with sponges. I’m sure she’s gonna find the sponges and go crazy over them. Why does she like sponges so much? No idea. She just found a bag of tiny baby dolls, and she wants to put them in ice cubes and call it “Ice Ice Baby”. She is truly a strange human being. My sister also has an obsession with stuffies. She has such an addiction, that she’s banned from them. Now she found the wigs and she’s considering buying one. She’s been looking at them for quite a while now. We’re out of the dollar store, and now we’re going to the computer store. I have no idea why we’re here. I guess we just are. Now we’re going home. Welp, that was a fun adventure. Stay tuned for more fun adventures as you read through this LTE. I should go now. Bye! Hello again. I made a private world on OurWorldOfText for my sister and I, but she doesn't want to join it. She doesn't think it'll be fun. Now I'm just editing it alone. How sad. But oh well. Now I’m here adding more to this text. I once made a Discord server specifically for a language called “Bo”, where the only word is “bo”. I made it almost four months ago, and somehow, it’s still going. People are still spamming nothing but “bo” there. It’s great. I also once made a server where you’re not allowed to use any vowels. It was a very strange server. I deleted it after some time though, so all that insanity is no more. I also used to own a Pig Latin server, but it got inactive so I deleted that too. We had some good memories in that server though. Now there’s a new Pig Latin server, but it’s not owned by me. Dang, my YouTube channel has been dead for so long. I haven’t posted a video in a year. I want to revive it, but I don’t know what to post there. I’ll figure it out. I doubt my channel will ever go back to it’s 2016 legacy, but I’m sure I’ll post something eventually. Random fact of the day: there are thirty-nine question marks so far in this text. Am I about to make it forty? Yes, I just did. Now the fact I initially stated is no longer true. Or is it? Because I said “so far” in the fact, that implies that we’re talking about the moment that fact was said, disregarding any future events. Now I’m pretty sure that fact is still technically true. Welp, I guess I should just accept that I’m editing that world of text alone for the rest of my life. I originally put a bunch of complaining in there, but I deleted it all. The thing is, now that world will never be same without all of that complaining about my sister not being here. But that’s fine. Hey, I just had a cool realization. Basically, there’s this conlang (constructed language, for those not in the know) server where we have a Sentence of the Week activity. In this activity, someone posts a text with a maximum of nine sentences, then people translate it into their own conlangs. My realization is this: if we take nine sentences from this LTE every week, there would be a whole year of sentences for people to translate. There are approximantly 523 sentences in this LTE. Divide that by 9 sentences each week, and you get 58 weeks worth of sentences, which is approximantly the number of weeks in a year. Quick maths. I actually suck at math, but that’s besides the point. I should go now. Goodbye! Hello, I’m back again. I really need to come up with different hello and goodbye messages, because I’ve already said “Hello, I’m back again” once before. Same with the “I should go now. Goodbye!” I said at the end of the previous section. I was going to explain what a “section” is, but I’m terrible at explaining things, so I’m not going to anymore. I guess you’ll just have to figure it out yourself. It’s probably not very hard to figure out, anyways. I guess I can just say that a section starts with me saying hello, and ends with me saying goodbye. That should be enough explaination, now that I think about it. Hey, do you ever feel like you never have any idea what you’re talking about? That’s my entire life. I just summarized it all in one sentence. On an unrelated note, I feel like half this LTE is just me talking about the LTE itself. I mean, press CTRL+F on this webpage, then type “LTE”. Look at all the times I use it in this text! Not counting the ‘lte’ in the word ‘multe’, of course. Dang, now the search results will include that, too. Anyways, half of this text is just me talking about how I’m trying to get this text to be the longest. Well, the longest LTE, anyways. I still have a long way to go. I’m only 12.7% of the way there. I mean, minus the four month gap, my estimation is that I’ve only been writing this for not even two weeks. So it makes sense that this LTE isn’t very long yet. Whenever I look at this webpage, it looks long at first glance, but the longer I look at it, the more I realize how short it actually is. It’s something that I can’t explain. For real this time. I just realized that none of this is helping the fact that half this LTE is about the LTE itself. I should bring up a new topic, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about much else. Why? Because, like I said, I never have any idea what I’m talking about. Most of this LTE is just me talking about LTEs or languages. Sometimes furries, but I don’t wanna go back into that territory at this point. But it doesn’t matter, because I’m still gonna write this LTE for as long as possible, even if it means talking about the same things half the time. Also, LEARN VIESA! Haven’t said that in a while, so I might as well bring it back. The documentation for Viesa is on this very website, so go ahead and read it! You might need to know some linguistic knowledge to understand it, though. In fact, you probably won’t understand most of it unless you know some amount about lingusitics, so you have been warned. If Viesa is too much for you, Pig Latin will probably be better for you. If it's so easy that kids can learn it, you can too! It's a language you can learn in probably five minutes, so why not give it a try? You may also enjoy Ubbi Dubbi, where you place 'ub' before every vowel sound. It's also a very easy language to learn, although not quite as popular. The thing is, none of these are even real languages. They're just codes, and very simple codes at that. You could probably crask Pig Latin or Ubbi Dubbi rather easily. Viesa too, actually. But I still enjoy them occasionally, even if Pig Latin and Ubbi Dubbi are inefficient and easy to crack, and Viesa is easy to crack yet unneccesarily difficult. I do make real languages, but I never put in the effort to learn them to fluency. At least I make them at all. Here’s a fun game: I will open up a random page from a book, and tell you the first word I see. English. That’s the word. Stay tuned for more fun games as you read through this LTE. We’re back, and we’re gonna play the same game as before. Ready? Subject. Now we’re gonna do it again. Reading. And again. Itself. Constituent. Grammar. Colloquial. Black. Outline. Add. About four of those words were language related. You’ll never guess why! (Spoiler alert: it’s a conlanging book). I’m running out of ideas now. I’m just gonna generate a random word and try to talk about it. Forbid. That’s the opposite of “allow”, I’m pretty sure. I don’t really know what else to say. Well, I guess I failed at generating a topic I could talk about. You know what's weird? My favorite word hasn't been used once in this entire text. I'm about to change that forever. Epic. Yup, my favorite word is "epic". I use it on a regular basis. I say "That's epic" all the time. It's a word I can't live without. Hey, I've now written more of this text after the 4 month gap than before it! Just thought I'd share that fact. Also, I'm gonna try and write as much as possible in this LTE today. I've already written more today than the day I first said I was gonna write as much as possible, so that's a good sign. The thing is, I don't know what to write about. I need to write about something, otherwise I won't write at all and I won't accomplish my goal. Wait, what goal should I set? How many characters should I write today? I'm gonna try and get 10,000 characters. I've already written almost 5,000 today, so from here I just have to write the equivellant of everything I've already written today. I'm just gonna try it and see if I make it. Maybe sometime in the future I'll do a bigger goal, like 15,000 or even 20,000 in one day. Actually, I don't know if 20,000 would even be possible for me. It might be, but it sounds like somewhat of a stretch for me to write that much in a single day. We'll see how long 10,000 takes, though. I'm already doing a bad job at this. I haven't typed anything here in several minutes. I need a topic. Um, Vabungula, I guess? Basically, it's a conlang created by Bill Price in 1965. It amazes me how one can work on a single conlang for that long. Most of the conlangs I start making die after 15 minutes. Anyways, I really like it because... um, I don't know, actually. There's not really anything about it that's super interesting (other than how long it's existed), it's just his personal conlang. Maybe it's the amount of development that went into it. It has over 5,000 dictionary entries and several texts written in the language. I'm sure most people reading this don't care about my language related talk, but I gotta make this long. I'm desperate to reach my 10,000 character goal. I've got 4,000 to go. I just found a website that generates random art from a seed. I just put this entire text as the seed, and it generated something quite nice. I would put the picture here, but I want this LTE to be nothing but text, so I won't do that. I've been playing with this for a while now. Many of the seeds produce boring pictures, but some of them are nice. For example, I just used "e" as the seed and it produced a nice looking picture. "a" looks nice too, arguably nicer. I've been using nothing but the word "nice" to describe these pictures. Maybe it's time to get a bigger vocabulary? "b" looks, um, good? I don't have the right vocabulary for this. I also don't feel like doing every single letter, because the pictures take some time to generate. But if you want to do it for yourself, just go to random-art.org and try it out! By the way, this is another website I found through pointlesssites.com. You know, the same website that lead me to the FlamingChicken LTE, which lead me to begin writing this whole thing. But what made me discover pointlesssites.com? Vsauce mentioned it. But what made me discover Vsauce? YouTube Reccomendations, probably. But what made me discover YouTube? As far as I remember, my dad showed it to me when I was 6. So I would like to thank my dad for being the reason I started writing this. He's the one who showed me YouTube, which reccomended me Vsauce, which mentioned pointlesssites.com, which brought me to the FlamingChicken LTE, which inspired me to start my own LTE. If he had never shown me YouTube, I wouldn't be here writing this text, and you wouldn't be reading it. Well, that's probably not true, because I probably would have discovered YouTube by other means, thus leading me to Vsauce, leading me to Vsauce, leading me to pointlesssites.com, leading me to the FlamingChicken LTE, leading me to... okay, I really need to stop now. I've gone too far. But you know what I haven't gone too far with? This LTE. I don't think I even can go too far with writing this text. Unless this text gets so long that it surpasses the 1GB storage limit of Neocities. In which case, I'll need to upgrade to Supporter in order to get a 50GB storage limit. But what if the text gets so long that is surpasses that? I don't think I'll ever make it there. I mean, 50GB is about 50 trillion characters. So I think we're good. I still need to get to 10,000 by the end of today. I've got 1,500 to go. Currently watching a livestream. It's reminding me of when I used to livestream back in 2016. I still kinda miss those days. But at the same time, I was quite awkward and had zero social skills, so I'm not sure if I'd want to go back. At this point, everything I've written today is longer than what can fit on the screen at once. At least on my computer screen. It probably changes with different screen resolutions and devices. But anyways, it's pretty unusual for that much of the LTE to be written in a single day. I don't want to pressure myself into writing this much every day, though. Last time I forced myself to complete a certain amount of something every day, it was overwhelming and I ended up losing motivation, thus letting down all my fans who were anticipating the August 30th, 2016 release date. Okay, the amount of eager fans was probably a number you could count on one hand, but still. By the way, if you're wondering what this "something" was, it was GoAnimated Garbage: The Movie, which was supposed to be an hour long episode of a series I made to make fun of random GoAnimate videos. In case you're not the type of person who knows what GoAnimate is... hoo boy. Basically, it's a drag-and-drop animation website infamous for the "grounded videos" that people made with it, among other types of videos. It's this whole community that I neither can explain nor want to explain. But I had somewhat of an association with that community back in the day. On my YouTube channel, I used to make a genre of GoAnimate video known as the "OS video". Typically an OS video is where some sort of hated character within the GoAnimate community forcefully installs their operating system onto a user's computer, and the user has to deal with this OS until they eventually find a way to "destroy" it. I made five of these videos. In chronological order: Caillou OS, Boots OS, Franklin OS, Little Bill OS, and Crap OS X. Caillou OS is the most viewed video on my main channel, which is unsurprising since Caillou is pretty much THE character associated with the GoAnimate community. When I made that video, it was a big transition for my channel. The channel's name was changed from Infinite Budgets, which had been my name since 2013 when I made crappy Roblox videos, to Allisima. All of my old videos were deleted, with the exception of my "Barney Errors", which was yet another genre of GoAnimate video. Basically, a Barney error is when a user's computer/console/whatever session is interrupted by a "Barney Error", a message informing the user that Barney has been killed, and the device must not be turned off because it's an "important message". There's also a bomb that's placed in Barney's "lair", the timer for which is displayed in the error. The user gets some amount of "chances", and every time the device is turned off, the user looses a chance and the time until the bomb explodes decreases. Eventually, the user turns off the computer enough times that there are no more chances left, the bomb explodes, and some sort of punishment happens. These punishments can range from having to downgrade your operating system, to having your computer destroyed, and in extreme cases, even to death. I once made a whole channel for Barney Errors, where I made about twenty of them before quitting. After that, I eventually quit GoAnimate all together, but I still made Crap OS X, an OS video made with Powerpoint. I also made an interactive OS parody called Windows Poop Editon, again with Powerpoint. Before that, I also made one called "Atch OS" using my old Windows XP netbook. I just checked to see if my old Weebly website still exists, since there's an Atch OS download on there and I wanted to see if it dissapeared from existence or not. Appearantly it does! I'm getting so much nostalgia from this website. It's like a window into 2016, when I had fun making these videos on a regular basis. I'm way past my 10,000 character goal now. I'm kinda glad I set this goal, but again, I'm not gonna force myself to do it everyday. I think I'm gonna stop writing for today. Bye! Hey, I'm back. Yes, that hello wasn't original either, since I already said it once. Specifically, after my sister seized the LTE and started spamming. You remember that, right? I hope you read through this whole thing instead of just picking a random part (which just happened to be this part) and reading only a tiny bit. Nah, I'm just kidding. Read this text however you want to, it doesn't matter if you read this entire text from start to finish or not. I mean, I did put some cringy stuff in here, as I keep mentioning. But it's on the Internet, and since recently, on my homepage, so I know people are gonna read it. Really the only reason I'm making this is because I have a weird obsession for writing giant walls of text. Guess what? I just added translations of this LTE into various conlangs on my website! But they're all very incomplete, and I probably won't finish them ever... I mean, if I'm gonna finish any of them, 'twill probably be the Viesa translation since it's the easiest to do. Hey, 'twill's back! I remember the very beginnings of this LTE, when I first mentioned 'twill. That was 40,000 characters ago. Appearantly I'm measuring time with characters now. Hey, what's the average amount of text I write per day in this LTE? The four month gap probably significantly drops that amount. Let's see! The trouble is finding out when I started writing this LTE, because I don't know the exact date. I'm just gonna estimate that it was March 12, based on the amount of times I said goodnight before I said "Happy Pi Day". It's not a very accurate measurement, though, because sometimes I stop writing for the day without saying goodnight. But anyways, from March 12 to today, July 16, is 127 days. As of that previous sentence, there are 42,549 characters in this LTE. 42,549 characters divided by 127 days equals about 335 characters per day. That's not very much at all. To get an idea of how short that is, the first 335 characters of this LTE consist of about 64 words and 8 sentences. As I predicted, the four months of no activity had a big impact on this number. But what if we ignore the 4 month gap, which was from March 15 to July 9, I've only been working on this LTE for ten days. 42,549 characters divided by 10 days is about 4254 characters. That's much better. It might be that big because of the 12,600 characters I wrote yesterday. I said I wouldn't do it every day, but honestly, I'm feeling like doing a goal again today. I think I might even go a bit higher than yesterday. Let's do 15,000 characters! I have zero life outside of this LTE, anyways, so I think I'll make it. As long as I keep typing about random stuff for the entire day, I'll probably get past 15,000 easily. I think I'm insane. Literally all I do anymore is write this LTE. My mom is almost certainly concered for me, because I was in my room pretty much all of yesterday and my sister told her about how I'm trying to write the longest text ever. But enough about my descent into insanity for now. Let's get this LTE to over 55,000 characters today! This is probably the most meta LTE in existence. Like I've said, I talk about the LTE itself as much, if not more than anything else. By the way, if I were to write as much as I did yesterday every day, I would reach my goal in just 15 days. Now I'm tempted to do that, even though I said I wouldn't set a goal like that every day. I think I might end up doing it subconciously. I kinda wanna convince some other people I know online to start their own LTE. Wouldn't it be fun if we all had our own LTEs? They would probably all die within a day, but at least I wouldn't be the only one writing an LTE in 2019... The most recently updated LTE I've seen is the RainbowFluffySheep LTE, which I believe was last updated in late 2018. That wasn't really that long ago, but still, I don't think it's being updated anymore. Now let's do an LTE Timeline! The original FlamingChickens LTE was probably started sometime in 2004, and Hermnerps was started the same year. The FlamingChickens LTE stopped in 2005, while the Hermnerps LTE actually lived on until 2009, although edits after the end of 2004 were rather sparce. The Kenneth Iman LTE was started in 2013 and was last updated in 2015. The RainbowFluffySheep LTE both started and was last updated in March 2018. And of course, the WhileTrue LTE was started in March 2019 and is still being updated today. Wow, 15 years of LTEs! I think my LTE is the only one still being updated. It would be nice if someone else was writing their own LTE along with me. But 'twill be hard to convince other people to waste their lives writing a useless wall of text. You never know, maybe an LTE that stopped being edited years ago will come back from the dead. That seems kind of unlikely though. Very strange fact incoming. A certain word has not been used since the very beginning of this text. Ready to learn what it is? I shouldn't tell you, actually. Of course, that would ruin it. Unless you want me to ruin a really cool fact. Surely you wouldn't want that to happen. Okay, I'll just tell you, because I'm probably gonna end up using it again someday or another. The word is "various". If you search for "various" in this LTE, you'll only find it at the very beginning as well as here. And I was gonna keep this a secret, but just now I did this thing where if you take the first letter of each sentence, it spells out "VARIOUS". Kinda clever... I guess? Anyways, for those who are insane enough to be reading this entire thing from the start Wow, you have quite the dedication. My LTE isn't even the longest yet, but perhaps in the future, when it is the longest, people will be challenging themselves to read the entire thing. And maybe you're one of them! Perhaps you're reading this long after I've passed my goal, in which case you still have quite a bit to go. So I wish you luck on your Longest Text Ever reading adventure! I've been talking about LTEs all day. For the past 6,000 characters, in fact. I need to find something different to talk about. But first, I just had an idea pertaining LTEs. I should compare this LTE to the longest joke in the world! The longest joke in the world is 56,554 characters long, which is about how long I'm trying to get this LTE by the end of today. So if I reach my goal today, this text will be longer than the longest joke in the world! That's pretty cool. I would also be a quarter of the way to my goal. But let's get back to finding something different to talk about. I can't think of anything. My sister is singing a song about wanting Subway. I will never understand her. What goes through her brain that makes her decide "Yeah, I think it would be a good idea to sing about how I really want Subway"? I don't get how her brain works. She also likes eating paper. I asked her and appearantly she was perfectly okay with me writing that in here. She probably thinks nobody's ever gonna read this. But she's gonna be wrong! Eventually. Now she's asking me to write about how she likes yogurt. "Because I didn't used to", she says. She's eating mango yogurt, and she has water in a Gatorade bottle. Now I'm asking her what else I should put in this text. She says I should write about how there's wild sage where we live. Now she's having hot chocolate. She didn't ask me to write that, but I told her I was going to write it and she said okay. My sister might start her own Longest Text Ever, again. She says it will have only one word repeated throughout the entire text. But I told her that it defeats the purpose of an LTE. In the original FlamingChickens LTE, one of the very first things that is written is "I will just type, and type, and never, ever use copy and paste". Okay, I just made a webpage for her LTE (it's gonna be an actual LTE this time). Stay tuned for "The Best Longest Text Ever", as she calls it. I think it should have just been called "KKs Longest Text Ever" or something, but whatever. She types really slow, but I hope her LTE will be successful nonetheless. Warning: if you do go and read her LTE, she spoils Spiderman: Far From Home at the very beginning, so be careful about that. In fact, she's basically typing the entire plot of the movie. Well, that's one way to increase your LTE's length, I guess. My sister is listening to her terrible songs instead of writing her LTE. Well, she has her LTE page open, but she's not writing anything and is singing instead. Actually, she's writing stuff now, so ignore everything I said previously. She's still writing the entire plot. Her LTE is now 2,000 characters, which isn't very long, but she's only been working on it for an hour. Plus she's a slow typer. She types everything with one hand. It might take a while for her LTE to get to this level. But assuming she keeps writing it and doesn't forget about it after today, it'll get pretty long eventually. I still need to write 7,000 characters today. My sister is watching a cringy video made by our old elementary school. They became a French immersion school after I left. She found one of the videos I was in... oh god, I can't stand to look at that video. It hurts me to think about those days. My sister's LTE webpage has text now! Maybe I should create a page linking to all the LTEs I know about. I think I'll do that. Boom, it is done. I think I'm gonna also put a link to it on this page. There, that's done as well. Guys, I'm not sure if I'm gonna make it to 15,000. I still have 5,000 characters to go (I was completely off earlier, I don't have 7,000 left to go), and there's not much left of the day. In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea to make a goal for the day in the first place. After all, LTE writing is supposed to be fun! Sort of. There's zero need to make unneccesary deadlines. I think it just reduces the fun, as well as the part of my life that isn't just writing huge walls of text. From here on out, I declare character-per-day goals abolished. I will no longer make attempts to write a certain amount in a single day. I should have listened to my past self, who said not to do goals every day. But I didn't, and now I regret it. But anyways, here's a fun fact about this LTE: excluding my upcoming usage, the pronoun "he" is only used twice in this LTE, and they both refer to my dad. On the other hand, the pronoun "she" is used forty times! Almost all of these refer to my sister. Only one refers to my mom. I guess I just really like talking about the weird stuff my sister does. But not as much as being meta and talking about my own LTE. Here's another fun fact: "LTE" is the fourteenth most common word in this text! That's insane. It's more common than words you'd expect to be common, like "you", "I'm", "for", "be", "about", "was", and so on. I really need to talk about other things once in a while. But since I have zero creativity, I always resort to talking about the same topics. From what I've seen, most other LTEs are pretty diverse, but mine isn't at all. Honestly, this is likely the most boring LTE to read. But my absolute lack of creativity means it's probably gonna stay that way for a long time. I'm tired, so I'm gonna go to sleep. Maybe I'll be more creative by tomorrow. Probably not. Anyways, goodnight. Hey, I'm back, and I don't feel any more creative. But I did have a dream last night, so I'm gonna talk about that. Last night, I dreamt that I was in one of our old houses, and I saw that someone made a video roasting Viesa. They talked about how you shouldn't say "dog" in Viesa, because appearantly "deeg" is bad or something? I don't know. Then they said the rule where W becomes V is weird, but I don't remember the reason they said it. I didn't really care about how they roasted my language. Then I watched a Minecraft video for whatever reason, and then the dream ended. How do other LTE writers have so many topics to talk about? All I ever talk about is either LTEs themselves, or the fact that all I ever talk about is LTEs. There's no diversity. I very rarely talk about anything else. And when I do, it's usually about languages and lasts only a few sentences. There, I deleted it. Oh, you don't have any context. Basically I wrote a bunch of depressing stuff, then I decided to delete it all. I knew I was going to regret it later, in the same way I regret writing all that stuff about furries. Not that I think there's anything wrong with being a furry, it's just that it personally makes me uncomfortable looking back on it. I'm not even into that stuff as much anymore. I don't watch furry YouTube, and I don't talk about how much I want a fursuit/go to a convention. That's a part of me that's slowly disappearing. Okay, I'm gonna stop talking about that, because I literally just said how I regret talking about it in this text. You know, I've been feeling kind of down about this LTE lately, because as I just mentioned, all I ever talk about is this LTE itself, there's no diversity, blah blah blah. It's especially been like that ever since the four month gap. In fact, I barely talked about LTEs before that gap. It's like I lost all my creativity after four months. You know what? I'm officially gonna say this: If, for some reason, you are reading this before you decide you want to start reading this entire text, READ EVERYTHING FROM "WOW, IT HAS BEEN A WHILE" TO HERE AT YOUR OWN RISK, BECAUSE YOU WILL LIKELY DIE OF BOREDOM DUE TO THE MONOTONOUS TOPICS! There, now I'm gonna try and forget that half this LTE is the same exact boring topic. I will also try to avoid writing about the same exact boring topic for the rest of this text. Let's celebrate the End of Monotonous Topics (EMT) by talking about how we (my sister and I) had lunch and did various other things with our grandpa! So grandpa asked if we wanted to have lunch and spend an afternoon with him, and we said yes. Then he picked us up, and we went to a nearby town where we had lunch, went to a museum which was a house built in 1909 as well as the town's first hospital, and got ice cream from what is appearently one of the best ice cream places in the country, according to grandpa. So today was a fun day. I'm gonna go now. Bye! Hey, I'm back. That's the fifth time I've said that. I need to come up with more original... nah, whatever. Anyways, I had a dream last night which was basically a whole movie I don't remember most of. All I remember is playing a keyboard at the store for some reason, and that the dream ended with a random car horn. Oh, and there was Minecraft involved in the beginning, which I'm pretty sure is becoming a recurring theme in my dreams. I don't know why that happened, because I rarely play Minecraft anymore. Do any of y'all remember the DVD screensaver meme? That was one of my favorite memes. For those who don't know what I'm talking about, many DVD players had this screensaver where it was a DVD logo bouncing around the screen. The big moment that everyone anticipates is when the logo hits the corner of the screen perfectly, because, well, it's just so SATISFYING! I used to watch a livestream that was literally just this screensaver running endlessly. And when it hit the corner, it was a huge celebration for both me and everyone else watching. I got so excited when the logo hit the corner. My computer's screensaver is even still a DVD screensaver. But nowadays when I see it hit the corner, I don't have as much enthusiasm as I used to. I've just seen it too many times for it to be exciting anymore. Plus, the meme isn't even a thing anymore. I doubt that livestream is even still running. But you never know, so I'm gonna check to see if it's still going. Oh wow, it is! That was the last thing I expected to see in July 2019. But only four people are watching it, which makes sense. The title now says "DVD Logo Screensaver For 1 Year", even though it hasn't quite been going on for a year. But when it hits that point, perhaps that's when it will finally end? It should have ended months ago, if you ask me. Yup, I was right. There's a countdown on the livestream to when it ends, and it says 181 days, 9 hours, 12 minutes, and 3 seconds. Wow, the corner hit and wall hit numbers are much bigger now. The most corner hits I'd seen is around 1400 or so, but now it's at 4776! The wall hits used to be in the hundred-thousands, now it's at over two and a half million! Hello, I have returned. There, I came up with something original to say! Anyways, I just combined every single LTE I know of (including this one) and put it onto one single page on a Wikia wiki called "No Rules Wiki". That wiki exactly as you would expect from the title. I found it a while ago, and I thought it was about time I made a contribution, even if pasting over half a million characters into a single article is breaking some rule... I've been wanting to make Viesa an actual conlang for so long now. I think it's long overdue at this point. Hey, I'm back again. These sections are getting shorter and shorter each day. But oh well. I just discovered how much I like the word "number". I don't know why, but it's just so fun to say! I think I've liked that word ever since I was a toddler learning my numbers! I remember thinking it was a fun word even back then. At that time I had two little electronic toys: one was orange and for numbers, and one was purple and for letters. I'm pretty sure those were the colors. I also vaguely remember having a fan that lit up and displayed custom messages. I haven't seen anything like that since then. All I hear right now is Baby Shark being blasted upstairs. You know that song, right? I don't know who doesn't know it at this point. I can't think of a single person I've seen that doesn't know what that song is. Dang, ever since the EMT I haven't been writing as much in this text. Looks like LTEs were all I could talk about. Oh well. How many times have I said "oh well"? Probably a lot. About eight times, in fact. I'm back again. I went a full day without writing anything into this LTE yesterday! There were a lot of things happening that day, so I didn't feel like writing. I could've written at least a little bit, but I didn't. Time for me to use this LTE as my dream journal yet again! I had a dream where my domain was "exin" (or something like that) instead of "whiletrue", so that was a thing. I also had a dream where there was this game that I thought existed in the real world, but it didn't. Dreams do that sometimes. I don't remember much about the game, but it involved the Simpsons, I guess? Also, I was in a weird store where they had an... iCarly laptop? And a bunch of gift cards. That's all I remember. For now, at least. My sister does not like synthwave. She says "it's repetitive", "the sounds they use don't sound like music", and she doesn't like how it doesn't have lyrics. First of all, she's hypocritical because she always listens to the same songs on repeat. And why does it matter that it doesn't have words? Why does she think every single piece of music in existence has to have words? YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR OPINIONS THERE! (That was a reference to a cringy GoAnimator that no one reading this will get, unless you came to this website from my YouTube channel which you subscribed to during my OS video days). Anyways, synthwave is objectively the best genre of music. I remember hearing HOME - Resonance for the first time in a Discord voice chat, and it was magical. I wish I could listen to that song for the first time again. That was how I got into synthwave. You know what my favorite color combination is? Yellow text on a magenta background. Oh, and don't forget the Comic Sans. That is just pure beauty right there. In fact, it's used in the first frame (well, close enough) of "history of the entire world, i guess", which makes me love that video even more. We're at 60,000 characters, 1,000 sentences, and 12,000 words! Weird how all those counts hit such round numbers in one day, huh? I need to stick to the EMT, so I should stop talking about that. My sister is attempting to build a Lego city. Her goal is to have three buildings, since she doesn't have THAT much Lego. Have you noticed how quickly I've been switching topics in this text? That's because I can't talk about anything for a long time. That is, unless that thing is languages or LTEs. I am currently trying to revive a language my sister and I started making a while back. Sometimes my sister has days when she doesn't hate languages for some reason, then she ends up starting one. But of course, she regained her hate and abandoned it. Now I'm the only one working on the language. By the way, the language is called Lazay, which was the successor to Zula, the first language we made together which is now deleted. We started writing the language on paper, but then I started a Google Doc. I'm sure the papers are still here somewhere. I'm just too lazy to find them. I’m back again. I haven’t been ending these sections with goodbyes recently. But whatever. We’re on our way to IKEA to get a dresser for my room. We’re listening to Queens of the Stone Age right now, and I’m just waiting for “Fortress” to come on. I sing that song in Viesa, but I make up half of the lyrics. It goes: Ванавар јак фиртрас кува, ма башег ђара, ја сок. Try and translate that! The song is playing now. I like this song. We’re back from IKEA now. Actually, we’ve been home for hours now, and we’ve already built the dresser. My computer crashed (but don’t worry, I started writing this in Google Docs on my phone), and now Google Chrome won’t open. So I have to use Microsoft Edge for now. I’m gonna sleep now. Goodnight! Hello, I'm back. My sister is brushing my back with a hairbrush, and I don't know why. I asked her what I should write about (because I have zero creativity), and she said I should write about that. I'm gonna type whatever comes to my head now. Hi, I'm a boring human being who has zero creativity whatsoever and still happens to be writing an LTE. Isn't that insane? How could this be? Nobody knows, and nobody will ever know. It is a strange mystery that has yet to be solved. Hmm, I wonder if I should go and eat pancakes now? I'm so random right now. In fact, there's an entire subreddit for that: r/iamsorandom. You should check it out! I mean, you don't really have to, but it would be nice if you did. I use Reddit a lot, but I only use it for language-related stuff. Well, I make posts in language-related subreddits, but the non-language subs that I look at are ones that I don't post anything to, because I know nothing about literally anything that isn't languages. And heck, I don't even know much about languages! I only make English codes and call them "conlangs". Sort of. I usually don't actually call them conlangs, but I use them for such purposes. I speak Viesa as if it were a real language, but it simply is not. Why did I make Viesa in the first place? Well, you see, it all started out as a joke for April Fools' Day. I called it "the new universal language", despite it literally being a cipher of English. What!? A cipher of English being a universal language? How silly! What a funny joke, right? Maybe? Somewhat? Anyways, I then made a SECOND VERSION! DUN DUN DUN! This second version had CLICKY SOUNDS which, spoiler alert, dissapear in the next version of Viesa. Sad, right? RIP CLICKS 2018-2018 NEVER FORGET! I also added WACKY GRAMMAR STUFF and PRONOUNS! WOAH! How crazy! Then I made the next version: VERSION 3.0! This version added CYRILLIC! (you know, that alphabet the Russians use, as well as the Serbs, whose version of the Cyrillic alphabet I stole for Viesa. Hehehe!) And that's the entire history of Viesa, explained in a Zany way! Do you like how I capitalized "Zany" there? Aren't capital letters so cool? They let you YELL AND SCREAM AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS! They add EXCITEMENT! And most of all, they let you capitalize words like This. lowercase letters are also cool. without them, we'd all be yelling and screaming all the time. That would be pretty tiring, wouldn't it? I see two water bottles. One is empty, while the other still has some water in it. The empty one is blue, and the one with the water is pink. I should also mention that the blue one is mine, while the pink one is my sister's. I got that water bottle because I lost my other one at school. But GUESS WHAT? I FOUND IT IN THE LOST AND FOUND! Wow! Now I had two water bottles. How Wacky and Crazy and Zany and Bizzare and all those adjectives that perfectly describe this epic moment! Wow, writing your mind is a great way to increase your LTEs length! Before I was actually THINKING about what I was writing. But now I barely do, and it's greatly improving my LTE! Except the overuse of capital letters might throw the reader off guard a little because of how sparingly I've used them in the past, but oh well. I could fix it, but I don't feel like it. I want to continue writing, but I need to sleep now. Goodnight! Hi, I'm back again. My computer crashed AGAIN, and I was ignorant enough to not save my work, so that means I have to start this part of the text all over again. That's quite unfortunate. But did I mention that my Google Chrome is working again? That's the good news. It's good news because Google Chrome has all my logins, websites, and stuff like that. Hopefully you know what I mean when I say that. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. I don't even know what I mean right now! I'm probably insane right now. Especially since I'm writing this right now, as I have been for about 18 days minus the four month gap... I think. I hope I did that right. As I've said before, I'm bad at math. My sister just read the entirety of what I've written today for some reason. My sister just sang "I want your computer to crash again because I'm evil". She IS evil if she wants my computer to crash. At least I'll have this section saved. In fact, right now I'm pressing Ctrl+S after every sentence! Including this one. And this one. Also this one. I think you get the point now. My sister keeps typing into this LTE without my consent, and I keep having to delete it all. It's pretty annoying. Hey, flashback to when I said that way at the beginning of this text! You know, the part where I talk about the Teen Titans Go episode called "Waffles" where the word "Waffles" is said a hundred-something times. You know what else is said a hundred something times (in this LTE)? The letter J. So far it's been used 115 times in this LTE. That's your Interesting LTE Fact of the Day! Well, not really "daily", but whatever. Here's a story: Once upon a time, people got tired of starting off their stories with "Once upon a time", so they stopped doing that. But one person decided not to stop using "Once upon a time", and used it at the beginning of this story. And that person is ME! The end. Wasn't that a lovely story? You're probably not thinking that. Again, I'm not creative in any way whatsoever. That's why I don't usually write stories and instead write giant walls of text full of meaningless information, like the one and only WhileTrue's Longest Text Ever that you're reading right now. Hopefully nobody died of boredom from reading between "Wow, it has been a while" and the EMT. That's the most boring part of the LTE! 90% of it is just me talking about LTEs themselves. How uninteresting is that? Very uninteresting. Penguins. What are they? I don't know. What am I even writing right now? I haven't a clue. Isn't it weird that I said "haven't a clue" like that? Normally "haven't" isn't used if it's alone as a verb, as in "I haven't my keys". Who says that? Nobody, that's who. And yet "I haven't a clue" is an actual thing I've heard people say. Anyways, AFRICA! That was random, but let's discuss it anyway. Africa is a well-known song by Toto. It's a good song. I can kinda sorta play it on piano? Maybe? I don't know. Another song I can play on the piano is All Star by Smash Mouth. You know, the Shrek song? Anyways, I once made a video called "All Star but it's played on a Sesame Street piano" and it got almost a million views. It's been stuck at 900,000 for what seems like forever now. I'm gonna check to see if it's at a million now. I doubt it, though. Nope, still at 926,000 views. And I doubt it's gonna get any more, to be honest. It had a good run though. My sister is chugging applesauce. She thinks she's epic because of it. I don't know anymore. I seem to keep saying that after everything I type at this point. It's strange. Hello, I have returned after yet another long absence. When was the last time I added to this? I think it was somewhere in July. So yeah, it’s been three months, as it is now October 17, 2019. The end of the decade is approaching fast. I’m a bit excited, because I’ll have significant memories from more than just one decade! My earliest significant memories started in Kindergarden, which was in 2010. This means that I only really remember one decade. But now that an entirely new decade is coming up, I’ll be able to remember another! Part of me feels like I shouldn’t be excited over this, since the boundaries between years is arbitrary, and a decade is 10 years only because we count in base 10, so if we counted in base 12 or something, a decade would be 12 years long. That was kind of a run-on sentence, but I don’t really feel like making this text perfect, anyway. Have you heard of the Library of Babel? libraryofbabel.info is a website containing every possible combination of the lowercase letters a-z, space, comma, and period. The library is divided into hexagonal chambers. Each hex contains four walls. Each wall contains three shelves. Each shelf contains 32 volumes. Each volume contains 410 pages of 3200 characters each. Everything you could ever say or write is on this website. Even this LTE! See for yourself: https://libraryofbabel.info/bookmark.cgi?lte. Okay, that’s only the first bit of it, but every other bit of this LTE is somewhere in the library! In fact, here’s the next bit: https://libraryofbabel.info/bookmark.cgi?lte:1. It’s split up into about 20 different pages. I don’t feel like putting links to all of them here. It also removes punctuation that the library doesn’t use, like the exclamation point, question mark, colon, and so on. But it’s pretty mind-blowing stuff, if you ask me. If you try and browse the library yourself though, you probably won’t find much more than total gibberish. It’s crazy to think that everything we could ever possibly say or write is massively outweighed by meaningless strings of letters and punctuation.

#Lol i tried also im not a furry ignore the furry part #nor am i young

[have-each-others-six]

time will tell, she’ll see us through (pt. one)

hey, it’s been a while, huh?

welcome to my first fic in like six months! this is another multichap, probably around six parts- let me know how often you’d like parts to come out. right now i’m thinking daily, but i don’t know, so if you have an opinion let me know in the replies!

okay, that’s enough of me talking. enjoy cathy angst!

tw: death, blood, beheading later in the chapter

***

“...yf ye be lerned in that scyence that ys possyble ye may of one word make a whole sentence, and yet nott at all tymes arryve at the true meanyng of the writer, as yt appyrs by thys your exposycyon apon my wrytyng.”

-Catherine Parr, in a letter to Thomas Seymour just before her marriage to Henry VIII

***

When Catherine Parr first notices she’s lost her manuscript, it’s four in the morning and she’s the only one awake.

She’s biting on her lip as she finishes the last page, blue pen smearing under her hand as her scrawling handwriting marches crookedly across the paper. This story- the story of the queens as separate from Henry, what they actually did with their lives, who they really were, their story- is the culmination of literal centuries’ worth of work.

If she doesn’t write this down, then they’ll be forgotten, lost to the wastes of time as simpering mistresses who were merely accessories to Henry’s reign.

The show is good, but the show is temporary, the legacy of that is temporary, and this manuscript is something physical that she can hold in her hands.

The last line is scribbled on the cheap notebook paper she’d had to use for the last page. It’s almost anticlimactic, how fast it is, and Cathy leans back in disbelief, the pen hanging limply in her cramping fingers.

“It’s done,” she whispers aloud, and her earbuds are still playing the instrumental hardcore rock she listens to while working, and the street outside is still crowded with London traffic, and Anna is still snoring down the hall.

Everything is exactly the same as it was a few minutes ago, except everything is completely different, shifted into a sharper focus through a new lens.

She’d started writing the last page at rehearsal, ripping a page from the awfully torn-up notebook that tech used to read lighting cues because her full manuscript was still in the greenroom, scribbling down line after line of her sudden idea as the other girls did vocal warm-ups around her.  

“What page is this, five thousand?”Anna had joked, sitting down next to her onstage and nudging her with her shoulder, looking down at the slanted scrawl on the ruled lines.

“It certainly feels like it,” Catherine had replied absentmindedly, completely focused on the page in front of her as Anne did handsprings onstage in beat with the warm-up tongue twister, and Anna had left and let her be, knowing how she needed to get her ideas down if she was going to focus on the show.

What she told Anna wasn’t just placating. It had felt like it, honestly. This has been her whole life for… well, her whole life. And now it’s four in the morning, and she’s listening to heavy metal music, and it’s done.

She reaches over to where the rest of her manuscript sits on her desk, her eyes locked with pride on the last line of the page, but her hand lands on an empty table.

A pit yawns open in her stomach. No, no, no. It has to be there. It’s always there. She looks up, hoping against hope that her hands are deceiving her, but her eyes confirm it. Her manuscript- her life’s work- is gone.

Catherine gets to her feet quickly, going to her desk drawer and ripping it open, but it’s not there either. It’s not on her bookshelf, or on her bedcovers, or under her dresser- it’s like it’s disappeared. 

She finds the papers in her desk again and spreads them out on the ground, kneeling in the center of the chaos and rifling through them frantically. Half-finished short stories and spindly outlines of landscapes flash past, but her thick stack of paper that she’d tied together with an old piece of ribbon remains missing.

She tosses aside cards and songs and tirades written in French, but it becomes clear that the manuscript isn’t in her room, and she sinks back on her heels. There are tears on her face and panic in her heart, and her mind races feverishly as she tries to think of anywhere else it could be. She’s only dimly aware of her own foggy exhaustion.

As she digs through the papers on her floor, the words and pictures on the pages start to blur together in her hysteria, and it’s gone, it’s gone, it’s gone-

“Cathy?”

The voice is tired and soft, and when Catherine looks up she sees Aragon standing there.

“Everyone’s going to wonder where you are when they get up,” Cathy points out in a quiet voice in lieu of a greeting, her cadence trembling slightly. Aragon usually gets up before everyone else and makes them breakfast.

“They won’t wake up for another two hours,” Aragon replies calmly, picking her way carefully through the scattered piles of paper to get to Catherine, a shivering, unstable island in the sea of words. “What happened?”

“My manuscript is gone,” Catherine whispers lowly, grief thick in her throat, and Aragon shifts closer to avoid falling on any of the papers, her eyebrows knitting together. 

“What?” she asks quietly, surprised. “I thought it was-”

“It was everything,” Cathy interjects softly. “It was all of my memories, and everything about our lives, and everything about- about Mary that I could piece together,” she says, her voice breaking on the name of her tiny daughter. “It was everything,” she repeats.

“Don’t use the past tense yet,” Aragon says gently. “It can still be everything. We’ll find it, I promise.”

“How can you promise?” Catherine asks, shaking her head. “How do you know?”

Aragon shrugs and gives her a gentle smile. “I don’t. I believe, though, which is almost as good.”

“Your confidence is incredibly reassuring,” Catherine grumbles, running a hand over her face to try and bring herself into a rational frame of mind, attempting to organize her papers back into some sort of categorized piles. “Where could it even have gone?”

“Did you take it anywhere recently?” her godmother asks, gathering up a sheaf of stories in her arms and sorting them into a desk drawer.

Cathy nods quickly, snapping her fingers in realization. “Yeah! Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, I took it to the theater last night, and then before that to the coffee shop. But I know I took it back home,” she says, the sudden energy leaving her body, certain of her memory of placing it in her bag.

“Well, it’s not here, so we may as well try it,” Aragon replies with a shrug. “However, I’m going to suggest that you try and get just a little bit of sleep. I know that you don’t want to,” she says, holding up her hand to interrupt Catherine’s protests, “but I think your memory might be more reliable if you sleep for a while. I’ll make some breakfast for when you wake up, and then I’ll drive you to the theater. Deal?”

Catherine sighs. “Fine,” she mumbles, trying to hide her yawn, but Aragon notices it and takes her to her bed, tucking her in and fluffing the pillow.

“Sleep, darling. I’ll wake you up when breakfast is ready,” she says gently, pressing a soft kiss into Cathy’s hair. “You’ll feel better. I promise.”

Grumbling, Catherine pulls the comforter a little tighter around herself for security and buries her face in her pillow, her mind racing as she thinks about where her manuscript could possibly be and if it’s been stolen, or ripped, or if pages are missing-

Eventually, her anxiety sputters out like a bad engine, the panicked thoughts appearing farther and farther apart, and she falls into a fitful sleep. When she’s scared, her nightmares are always more vivid, and today is no exception.

She’s standing in a castle.

It’s always a castle.

Sometimes, Henry is there, screaming at her as his old, wrinkled face turns purple with rage. Sometimes, it’s Mary, her little girl, wandering through the hallways and calling desperately for her mama.

And sometimes it’s just Cathy, all alone in the dark.

Tonight, though, she’s sitting in a dining hall, the other queens seated in ornate chairs along the table. Their faces are all lit by the candles that are dripping wax on the tablecloth, their features garish and overdrawn in the too-deep light.

Cathy is having a conversation with Katherine, realizing that they’re speaking in the ancient English of their old lives with its heavier vowels and thicker consonants, but she’s distracted from this thought when she feels a shiver scrabble its way up her spine for some reason as she glances around the room. The hearth crackles as it should, the heavy drapes let in the watery light from outside, and every so often Anne will laugh and the sound will carry over to where Catherine is sitting.

It reminds of her days as a royal with Henry, but she and these women were never all in the same room together in their old lives, kept apart by circumstances beyond their control.

She’s lost in thought about the past, her conversation with Kit having tapered off, when she hears a scream that sends an awful chill down her spine.

It’s Aragon.

Her godmother’s body crumples unnaturally, the expression on her face contorting into one of anguish, and suddenly Catherine knows that she’s watching her die. A half-scream gurgles out of Aragon’s throat as Cathy tries to get up from her chair, but for some reason she can’t move, a force much greater than she can oppose keeping her where she sits. 

No one else is reacting, even as blood dribbles awfully out of the side of Aragon’s mouth and she twitches and jerks uncontrollably, a startling juxtaposition in the glamour of the austere hall. 

Cathy needs to wake up, she has to wake up, she can’t just sit here trapped and watch Aragon die, but when she closes her eyes tightly and opens them again she’s still sitting at the head of the table, her heart pounding in her chest.

She falls still after a few minutes, and Catherine’s unable to contain her scream anymore. “Is anyone going to help her?” she shrieks, gesturing at Aragon’s unmoving form, panic settling horribly in her chest as all of the other girls just tilt their heads and look at her curiously.

“Who?” Anne asks her in the old tongue, somehow sounding like both her modern and first self at once, furrowing her brow in courteous confusion with a pleasant smile, but the typical wicked spark of mischief in her eye is absent, heightening Catherine’s anxiety. She processes the question a little after it’s asked, and dread seeps into her mind once she realizes what it means.

“Catherine of Aragon,” Cathy says slowly. “Henry’s… Henry’s first wife. Henry divorced her for you.”

“The name doesn’t ring a bell,” Anne says with a polite shrug, the phrase sounding anachronistic in her mouth. “I haven’t a clue who you’re talking about.”

“Anne, come on,” Cathy pleads desperately. “You can’t forget her, she’s a part of your life- of all of our lives.”

“I don’t remember any Catherine of Aragon,” Anne replies, voice shifting into a firmer tone. “I apologize, but I really don’t.”

“She’s right there, for God’s sake!” Catherine shouts, finally able to get to her feet, and she gestures at the body, oh God, Aragon’s body, with her eyes rolled back into her head and blood dripping grotesquely from the corner of her half-ajar mouth, and Anne looks offended at her outburst. 

“You don’t speak to a lady in that manner,” she says coolly. “You of all people should-”

She’s building towards an argument, and Catherine starts to feel some sense of relief as Anne’s familiar temper clearly starts to rise within her, but then a sharp, clean line draws itself across her neck and her head lands on the floor.

Cathy screams again, Anne’s blood coating her hands, and no one reacts, continuing to make respectful conversation and discuss benign things like hunting grounds and the weather.

“She- she-” Catherine sputters, unable to form a full thought in her terror, because Anne’s body is still slumped in the chair while her head is on the ground, dark eyes reflecting the light of the fire.

“What, dear?” Jane asks, looking at her with concern. 

“Anne is dead! Can’t you… can’t you see it?” Cathy asks desperately, voice fractured with fear, and Anne’s blood spreads through the carpet, soaking Cathy’s shoes.

“Who’s Anne?” Jane replies, looking thoroughly puzzled. “I don’t think I’ve ever known an Anne. Perhaps I had a maid named Anne once?”

“Anne Boleyn!” Cathy screams. “She was beheaded on charges of adultery!”

“There’s no need to scream, love,” Jane says gently. “I don’t think any of us ever knew this Anne girl, but we’re sorry for your loss, we truly are,” she tells her, and the other two queens nod sympathetically.

“You really don’t remember her?” Cathy asks softly, fearfully, but before they can respond Jane lets out a guttural cry, back arched in devastating pain, and then falls completely silent, her eyelids twitching unnaturally.

“No, I don’t think we do,” Anna replies with a genial smile, looking as if she can’t hear the low groan that sounds from Jane’s chest, her breath getting raspier with every second that passes. “Katherine, have you ever heard of an Anne Boleyn?”

Kit shakes her head, her own cousin’s name seemingly unfamiliar to her as Jane’s body begins convulsing with fever across the table. “Sorry, Cath,” she says apologetically. “We really just don’t know who you’re talking about.”

Jane seizes, and Catherine rushes to her side and tries to keep her still but she’s beyond help, her pulse stalling under Catherine’s fingertips and her shuddering breaths shivering into silence.

“No…” Cathy whispers, her eyes filling with tears. “No, no, come on, Jane, come on.”

She vaguely registers Katherine asking who Jane is, but she can’t focus on that or her heartbreak will spill over and she won’t be able to save the rest of them.

“We need to make sure Anna’s all right,” she says urgently, standing up quickly and abandoning Jane’s body, but when she turns around Katherine is looking at her quizzically and Anna’s body is limp where she sits.

Catherine almost doesn’t bother to check, knowing what she’ll find, but she knows her friend deserves a proper send-off so she walks over anyway, her feet feeling like they’re made of lead.

Anna is dead, her hands cold and hanging off the arms of the chair- Cathy’s liveliest friend is still and silent, the light stolen from her eyes, and Cathy doesn’t even have enough space to process the grief that’s coming in waves from every death she’s witnessing.

Cathy knows what’s coming next. She whips around and rushes over to Katherine, and she feels her hand graze against a corpse and she’s definitely running over patches of blood-stained carpet, but she can’t stop. She needs to make it to her before whatever this ungodly curse is takes her too.

“What’s going on?” Katherine asks, completely confused, and Catherine just pulls her close, tucking the girl’s head under her chin in a final attempt to protect her.

“Please, God, don’t take this child,” she whispers. “Please.”

Her pleas are in vain, however, and suddenly a huge gash rips its way across Katherine’s neck. The girl screams in agony, her body curling against Cathy’s, and before she can comfort her or try and delay the inevitable, another cut slices across her neck and her head falls off onto the floor.

Catherine jerks away from the now-headless body, her dress dripping with blood, and she gets to her feet slowly, swaying where she stands.

She goes to Aragon’s body and kneels in front of her godmother.

There’s a Latin prayer of mourning that they would say together on the days that the absence of their children felt like it was a physical weight on their shoulders, an attempt to try and soothe the grieving ache for their babies that never leaves.

This grief is fresh, not so much an ache as a stabbing, violent pain, but she begins to say the prayer anyway because Aragon deserves a proper farewell.

“Re… requiem æternam d-dona ei, Domine et lux perpetua luceat ei. Requiescat in pace.” She swallows, and then says the English. “Eternal rest… eternal rest grant unto her, Lord, a-and let per… perpetual light shine upon her. May- may she rest in peace. Amen.”

She walks to the bodies of the rest of her friends- her family- and mumbles blessings for their souls to travel safely through whatever afterlife they believe in. It’s nearly impossible, to look at these people who had been so alive and bright and true and see them broken and glassy-eyed and tinged gray, but she can’t leave them without saying goodbye.

As she says her sort-of prayers, the faces of the bodies begin to become strange in her mind- unfamiliar. When she gets to Jane, she has to think for a moment before she can remember the woman’s name, and another moment before she can remember her connection to her.

Dread shoots through her, ice-cold and immobilizing, as she realizes what’s happening.

She’s forgetting.

Just like Anne, just like Jane, just like all of them did as Cathy watched them die one by one. She’s going to forget them. 

Lost to the wastes of time.

She needs to remember all of it, every little thing about them, she needs to hold six people’s history inside of her instead of just one, because if she doesn’t then they’ll all just disappear and she doesn’t know how to live without these girls.

That’s why the manuscript is so important, if she’s being honest with herself. She wants to tell their story so she can’t forget them, so that no matter what happens there’s a tangible record of their lives.

Focusing hard on her memories, she struggles to hold onto them, but it’s like cupping water in her hands, the past slipping away into some unreachable part of her mind, and she feels tears gathering in her eyes but by the time they fall she can’t remember why she’s crying.

She’s terrified- she doesn’t know who these bodies are, surrounding her, and she feels like she should remember, she feels like she has to remember, but she can’t, and when she tries to run she trips over someone’s long-cold arm, and she’s falling, falling, falling-

Her eyes fly open.

#six #six the musical #six the musical fanfiction #catherine of aragon #anne boleyn #jane seymour #anna of cleves #katherine howard #catherine parr #time will tell she'll see us through #heh heh so much cathy angst this chapter #i'm sorry but i am not sorry at all