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thecandywrites · 1 year

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Monster March Day 16- Part 2

Hemi Meets Pix

I had part 1 done and part 3 done, years ago when I first commissioned @momolady to commission all of this for me then. Writing the bridge to connect the two? Like that meme where you're on one side of the grand canyon and the next piece of the story is on the other side and you have no fucking idea how to build a bridge to get the two to connect. So think of this as fanficion of those commissions as well as- the spark that started those commissions in the first place. Enjoy.

Thanks to @borealwrites for their Monster March 2023 prompt list.

Part 2

Which is where KaBoom and Loker grew up here. And was their hometown. Which, coincidentally where KaBoom got to meet up again with his old friend Utsway whose wife, Diade was close to giving birth as her own pregnant belly swelled to the point it looked like it would burst any moment as a friend of hers was over visiting checking up on her.

“Dea, the midwife just came into town this morning, I saw her and her crew go into Bayonet Mannor’s gates just this morning.” The friend offered since Bayonet manor was the house of nobility in the last town back just as Slystall ended, Bayonet started.

“Oh thank the gods. Sway! You better be getting all the money together, because I need the midwife! I’ve done this for two days, I ain’t laboring for a third!” Diade called out to her mate as she paced around the house, sticking her fists into her lowerback which had been hurting even worse than usual as she tried to sit down but couldn’t get comfortable as her own breathing was labored and a scowl wouldn’t leave her face.

KaBoom was the first to volunteer to get Kisska himself, who apparently was the midwife in question’s name. He immediately left and Hemi watched as Kisska and her caravan came with her. She too had many carts and wagons and an entire crew for protection. All clearly from a variety of clans based on the different hues of green, blue, red, yellow, orange and every other color in the rainbow. But all of them were shield maidens, like Hemi’s own mother was. And the head guard at the head of the caravan was by far, the most amazing shield maiden he had ever heard tales of, let alone seen in his life.

Because that was when Hemi got to get his first look at Pix. Who was Kisska’s Head of Security.

Pix was everything Hemi had ever thought a warrior goddess should be.

She was heavily armed. She wore nothing but leather and was built like both a war goddess and a fertility goddess by the heft of her bosom, swell of her belly and large roundness of her hips and ass and thighs as thick as tree trunks that he mused could probably crush his skull proper. And for the first time, he couldn’t stop himself from grinning just at the sight of her. No other being, let alone a woman, a huge orcish one at that had ever tickled his fancy and was exactly the kind of woman he would ever think to fantasize or even dream was ever to be real and existence. And here she was, on a huge draft and looking him up and down and weighing and measuring him just as much as he was her. And he could only hope she liked what she saw, because he sure did.

She had the sides of her head shaved to show off the tattoos on the sides of her head. As the rest of her hair was braided up into a mohawk along the top of her head.

She rode a pretty large draft horse, not as big as his own, but plenty big enough to carry her. But the horse was still eye level with him which put her up above him, in every way he wanted her to be. And she had even more weapons on her person than he did. She had maps of all kinds all around her. She had tattoos on the parts of her body he could see and even on parts that were partially covered by her leather clothes. And the look she gave him of weariness and the way she narrowed her eyes at him only made his grin grow wider. And when her pair of firehawks came back to her and each of them landed on each of her shoulders, specifically to the sharp antlers she had put on her shoulders, he knew he just met the woman of his dreams. He had heard in the tavern of women of men’s dreams. But she was so much more than that, she was clearly a goddess.

“Nice tatts.” She managed to say once she took her time to look him up and down and sized him up herself as she leaned her elbows on the front of her saddle.

“Thanks.” He answered.

“Who did ‘em?” She asked.

“The elders of my Dad’s tribe.” He answered which got her to raise her eyebrows just a smidge.

“Tribe?” She repeated. He looked pretty orc to her. But most orcs had clans. Nearly all of them. So for him to say tribe meant he wasn’t all orc. Which explained his otherwise exquisite physique. And why, for once, he was a male looking orc that was for once, bigger than her and now she could actually really take good notice of what he was wearing and how he was wearing it and compared it with everything else she knew and encountered.

Because as far as orcs went, orc women were usually only slightly smaller than their male counterparts. But she had been working on building herself strong since she was little and she was usually head and shoulders above most male orcs she found.

And most were actually emasculated by her, because she was usually better at anything and everything than they were. She was very much the matriarchal elephant of the group. She spent her money, besides the usual, leather clothes, good weapons and armor, good food and drink, but otherwise- on really good and accurate maps. Mountain mouras were usually the best when it came to good and accurate maps and she had paid nearly her weight in silver for the best ones that were being updated nearly yearly and showed not only landmarks but migrations as well as where cities rose, fell and which territories belonged to what kind of peoples. Because mountain moura flew all around the world and made their own maps as they did. And because of Kisska, Pix could get them into any and all of the colonies and since most colonies spoke common and marinai, the more marinai she learned, the better she got on with them, to the point she was just as well known as Kisska was to them. And it was Pix who got to vouch for other clans of orcs to at least set up trade for furs, medicine and food stuffs, which in turn helped the colonies.

But Pix, having known KaBoom and specifically his third’s business clientele, was always weary of him. Not wanting his association to taint and tarnish Kisska’s. But this was obviously work. And Kisska came out of the house only a moment later and grabbed what she needed from her cart and then went back in with her sister to help deliver the baby as they brought in a small copper basin with them as Kisska gave an order for what else she would need for the baby when it would be delivered as the different women in her own crew were quick to follow her requests and orders.

“Pix, we’re gonna be here a while. Send someone back to the manor to tell them I’m needed here for at least the rest of the day.” Kisska ordered before Pix looked at her second in command and her sister in arms and just that look was enough for her to leave the group and head back to the manor.

“So Pix? Hi, I’m Hemi.” Hemi introduced himself.

“Mmhmm, so about that tribe.” Pix murmured as she refixed her gaze on him.

“Mountain Craig Tribe of the Drovir Mountains.” He proudly boasted as Pix’s eyebrows rose in surprise while a smile bloomed on her pretty and full lips.

“So I take it your mom is an orc and your dad is obviously a giant goliath hybrid, because that’s giant goliath hybrid country in those parts.” Pix grinned and Hemi’s chest puffed out even prouder because this woman was so well traveled she even knew that much- and off the top of her head too! Oh she couldn’t get more perfect.

“Yup, she was injured on a hunting trip, tracking a snow boar. My dad found her, finished off the boar and brought her home and then they had me.” He proudly told her.

“Nice. Snow boars are some of the hardest to kill. They can dig through bedrock to get to mountain black ironwood pine roots. And those roots, when shaved and boiled, make some of the best black healing balm there is.” She added and Hemi swooned. She was practically crafted and molded by all the old and new gods and made to look like a mortal for being the goddess she surely was because the mountain goliath and giant hybrids, they domesticated snow boars just for that purpose and was why that mountain village had anything to do with the local goliath/giant hybrid community. But the fact that she knew of it, and not just knew of it but how it was made. Impressed him greatly.

“Snow boars also have some of the thickest fur, will get you through any blizzard.” Hemi praised as he padded the fur cloak hanging over his shoulder which got a nod and a grin of approval.

“Tell me about it.” Pix said before she pulled her own cloak that was rolled up behind her seat on her saddle to show that she too had some herself, something she had gotten from the other mountain moura and orcs who hunted them which earned her a nod and grin of approval too.

To Hemi, they were practically a match made in the heavens themselves. And he was ready to call it quits with KaBoom and ask if Pix had any positions he could fill on her crew. He didn’t care if he took a pay cut. Granted this wasn’t the path he envisioned to find his perfect potential mate. But he was happy for it.

“Snow boar is also the most resilient leather too. Besides dragon’s leather.” She nodded in agreement.

“Which I see is what you’ve made your straps and belt from.” She added as she appraised the leather straps across his chest and Hemi couldn’t help it, he smiled happily that she noticed and recognized it.

“It is. Took the better part of five years to tan the hide and make the straps from the edges of the hide. But nothing compared to that dragon leather you’re wearing and that dragon scale armor looks damn near impenetrable.” Hemi praised.

“Good eye. You’re right. It’s served me very well. Easy to wear, easy to clean. Hard as hell to make but once it’s made, it’s damn near unbreakable. Unless it goes up against dragontoothed weapons, then, not so much.” She showed off once she got the dragon toothed daggers from her belt to show off to him and Hemi nearly drooled.

“Where’d you go and get all that from? Must have cost a fortune.” He appraised curiously.

“Miss Kiana gets all around, both this continent and many others beyond. So I’ve gotten different parts of it from all over. Not nearly as expensive as you might think it would be when you know where to look and who to ask but we’re at least a three month journey from the closest fortress, guarded by the very dragons these scales come from- that may or may not have any dragon goods to sell and you better be having your own weight in silver to spend in your hands- to be allowed into the fortress in the first place.” She grinned smugly when she shrugged.

“I can see, you have a lot of tattoos from at least three continents, at least that I can see from here.” Hemi practically purred as Susillo and Abasi both looked at each other and then at Hemi in fear. Many guys flirted with Pix when they saw the wonder that she was. But few got to get more than a few lines out before she put them in their place and they could only hope that Hemi didn’t go too far and end up pissing Pix off. Because Pix was a force to be reckoned with all on her own. Not to mention her sisters in arms. But Pix, she may not have had the gravitas of pure terrorizing presence that Hemi did.

Before they knew Hemi, they thought Pix was the baddest of the badass motherfuckers who protected Kisska as if Kisska was her own baby sister. And who only took orders from Kisska or Kisska’s own orcish father, who was actually Pix’s uncle. So they were, technically cousins.

But Hemi simply took another step and let her mare sniff at his hand just as his pups came up and started sniffing the horse before Pix let her mare have her head to lean her head down to sniff the pups.

“Dire wolf pups, just barely subadults. Pretty well behaved. You nurse them yourself?” Pix asked with a curious grin as Abasi and Susillo simply looked at each other in amazement because of course the most badass woman they had ever known would ever treat Hemi like an equal and not also intimidated as they were. And if anything Pix was becoming as charming as they had ever heard of her or seen her ever being as they wondered if Hemi was finally the guy that Pix would find as an equal instead of always less than and lower than.

“What the fuck is going on right now? Since when does Pix ever tolerate anyone even approaching her that closely without the threat of her beheading them if they touch Cinni?” Abasi breathed into Susillo’s ear because Cinni was short for Cinnamon who was a chestnut mare. And usually meaner than snot and had no qualms about running over and trampling anything and everything in her path. But to Pix, she was the perfect steed.

“I don’t know. At least they’re getting along. Just play it cool and hope that Hemi doesn’t do or say anything stupid, this could either go very good or very bad and heaven help us if this goes bad. Hemi talks a big talk, but Pix walks the big walk and Pix would be the only I would ever think could and would stand her ground and have a chance going up against him..” Susillo urged Abasi under his breath as both of them were afraid to move, much less breathe too much.

But Pix’s dig got Hemi to laugh the biggest, deepest belly laugh that everyone else could practically feel in their bones.

“Nipples are still pretty tender.” Hemi said as he rubbed at them which got Pix to chortle a chuckle.

“You have a good sense of humor. That’s good. Well, if you’re in KaBoom’s crew, we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other- if you can manage to stay alive that long anyway. What happened to what’s his face?” She asked once she looked over at Abasi and Susillo.

“Uh, he uh, he had a career change.” Abasi offered.

“Huh, career change. That’s a fancy way of saying he died, probably bled to death from getting stabbed in the back from a deal gone bad in Cantasi right? That’s where we saw each other last when I saw him still alive and breathing at least. Let me guess, he’s probably half decomposed in some shallow grave in some stretch of woods somewhere outside of Cantasi eh?” Pix guessed and the way Abasi’s ears laid back guiltily had Pix huff mirthlessly through her nose with a subtle, disapproving shake of her head.

“And you’re his replacement. Meant to be a deterrent and the one and only piece of security these guys got huh?” Pix gathered as she looked from them back to Hemi.

“Yup.” Hemi confirmed.

“That’s a lot of work for just you, but by the looks of you, I’m sure you got it all covered and figured out right?” Pix offered with a solemn nod.

“I’m still new and still learning.” Hemi humbly answered which earned him a pleasant smile and expression from Pix.

“Well, then I’ll give you a piece of advice that the last guy didn’t think to listen to when I tried to tell him.” Pix began before Hemi took another step closer so he was standing only a hand’s breadth from her gorgeous and powerful leather clad leg and thigh as she leaned over to him.

“You know there’s three businesses right?” She asked with a low murmur.

“The soap business, the firework business and the third business that’s never advertised but has a certain seedy underbelly kind of clientele right?” She mused with a meaningful look and half grin.

“Perhaps.” Hemi nodded.

“It’s the clientele of the last one that is both the most profitable and lucrative, yet the most dangerous. Don’t trust any of those customers as far as you could beat them into the ground like a fence pole. Not how hard or how far you could punch or kick or throw them. But use them like a fence pole you’re planting into the ground, only the ground is solid bedrock. Because even though you may threaten them all you want about not talking to the authorities or whatever, those guys will turn on anyone and everyone to save their own skin. They’d sell out their own flesh and blood for a tin coin most of the time. KaBoom and Kisska are usually in the same places at the same time. And there’s lots of times where our routes overlap, if not sync up sometimes. Now I’ve known this whole crew for years. I’ve seen a lot of people of all kinds come and the few who have stayed or the ones to leave, either by choice when the heat gets too hot or by dying and leaving that way.” Pix warned him.

“Is there anyone else I should keep an eye out for?” Pix asked.

“And KaBoom has gotten Kisska some really amazing clients because she’s the best midwife besides her own mother and grandmother and while she does good, honest work. She doesn’t always do it for good and honest people. Everyone from the Ruby Empire to Obresh, to Dorierra, to Fitsdale and everywhere in between knows who Kisska Kiana is and what she does.” Pix explained.

“Kisska has worked her ass off on making a good name for herself and carrying on a tradition that’s been in her family for nearly 10 generations now. And building that reputation that precedes her wherever she goes now. And KaBoom in the past, has made sure to tell her and to tell me who in particular I need to keep an eye on and who I need to protect Kisska and our crew from. And it’s usually always the customers of that third thing. So I know from looking around, that I need to keep my eyes on…” Pix began before she looked around and used her head to nod and point out every person who her own sense of protectiveness spiked towards as Hemi’s eyes left hers to follow her line of sight to mentally mark the same people.

“I’ve only had one run in with that third kind, but they were all the way back in Clayton.” Hemi offered.

“Ah, the northwest tower of the castle crumbled from an explosion that was only meant to open the sewer gate apparently. They found six in the rubble and three more were caught trying to poison the Duke and make off with his treasury key. They drank the poison they were armed with before they could talk though. But Kisska only had gotten there two days after because the explosion caused the Duchess to go into labor early. But thanks to Kisska getting there quick, the Duchess had her little Duke, a bit earlier than planned, but safe and sound nonetheless” Pix informed him.

“Then there isn’t anyone else that comes to mind then. I am sorry to hear about the aftermath with the Duchess though. Glad she and the baby made it through though.” Hemi offered as Pix outright smiled fondly at him as she sat back up.

“Me too. I think we’ll get along just fine, you and me. Keep that handsomely tattooed head on your shoulders clear and on a swivel ok?” She urged him.

“Yes Ma’am.” He nodded in understanding which made her smile even brighter.

“So what are the pup’s names?” She asked once Cinni pulled her head up and turned to sniff Hemi some more.

“Oh this is Hemtar.” He offered as he picked up the closest one so she didn’t have to get off her horse as the puppy squirmed as it tried to climb out of his arms to get to her.

“Hi Hemtar, you’re pretty big for still having all this puppy fluff on you. But I’m sure once all this gorgeous adult fur grows in you’ll look just as ferocious as your Daddy huh?” She cooed as she happily took the puppy from him and held him as if he was her own puppy as he licked at her face and neck and practically melted into a puddle in her arms.

“Ooph, and he feeds you so good too! I can see and feel all this big strong muscle through your fluff too!” She cooed as she heard the Diade inside let out a screaming roar as she was clearly in labor and at the part where she was pushing as KaBoom was quick to leave the house as Diade was cussing her mate out as he knelt beside her while she sat in a small basin of hot water to help ease and relax her pelvic muscles while she sat on a low birthing stool.

“Hey Boom, come here.” Pix called to KaBoom and nodded him over to the other side of her horse as Cinni soon left off sniffing at Hemi and receiving pets from Hemi to look over at KaBoom.

“Hey Pix.” He answered as he came up to her and kept his remaining fingers out of Cinni’s reach cause Cinni had a tendency to bite anyone she didn’t like or whoever Pix especially didn’t like. KaBoom was pretty sure Pix had trained her to bite on command.

“Did Kisska tell you about what happened in Clayton?” Pix asked.

“Yeah, Sorry about that.” He offered apologetically.

“Look, I get that you don’t really have any control of what happens to the items you sell in dark alleys at night. Or who they’re used on once they’re sold. Or who gets victimized by whoever you sell that shit to- because I know it’s none of my business. But I know damn well you knew that Duchess McClayton was due three weeks from when she had to deliver that little Duke she was carrying. Because six months ago when we were in Clayton last, and Kisska and Mika were doing a check up and making sure the pregnancy was stable, that she told you about it. And I know she told you how important that particular pregnancy was not just to the McClaytons but the city of Clayton itself. And I get that part of your own cloak of protection is secrecy. But a heads up would have been nice to get.” Pix all but seethed in a snarl as KaBoom’s cheeks flushed a deeper shade of green.

“Because what we got instead, was a damn fleet coming to where we were. They came and escorted us to The McClayton Estate. Kisska had barely cleaned the afterbirth of the baby she had just delivered and the messengers had to wait until that mother delivered the afterbirth while we packed up as quick as we could to come to Duchess’ emergency aid. It was nothing short of a miracle she could hold off until we ran our horses all the way there. The Duke had to pay for us to even change horses twice to the wagons. We just got our proper rides back only the day before yesterday. We made a three day trek by hard riding for practically 16 hours straight and all that hard riding meant that a lot of our stuff got damaged by running on the roads.” Pix leveled at him with anger and irritation as clear the clear blue sky currently was.

“Yeah, I already gave Kisska whole cases of any soaps she wanted to make up for it.” KaBoom offered.

“Good. Once Kisska is done in there, her and I need to rework our schedule again and I don’t think we’ll be able to meet back up at Iron Horse like we usually do.” Pix offered.

“Yeah, I figured as much.” He nodded in understanding.

“So this is the new Kager huh?” She asked as she nodded over to Hemi.

“Yup, that’s Hemi.” KaBoom answered as he suddenly realized she was still holding and petting the puppy as he could see Hemi simply give him a curious look over the withers of her already huge draft horse.

“Yes Ma’am.” He nodded before Cinni lost her patience and pinned her ears back and went to bite at him which got Pix to make a noise to get Cinni to not do it again but that was KaBoom’s cue to back away and walk off.

“Yeah, we’ve met. But he’s brand new, so I’m gonna ask you my usual. Tell me what I need to know to keep Kisska and the rest of my crew safe.” She demanded before KaBoom dropped his head and came as close as he dared and told her about everyone else he had sold to since him and his crew met up with Kisska and hers as Hemi too kept a sharp ear out for all this information too.

“Thank you for your honesty.” She said before she traded one pup over for another to pet and love on who was putting it’s feet up on Cinni’s leg to try to climb up to Pix before she got to hold Sador for a while.

“So, where’s Iron Horse?” Hemi asked as he held Hemtar and pet him affectionately.

“Oh, here.” She said before she handed Sador back so she could get in her satchel to the map she needed.

“Here.” She said as she showed him as he put the pups down to look it over.

“Wow, this is one hell of a map. Bird folk make it?” He asked.

“A special kind of birdfolk- but yeah.” Pix agreed.

“How much did it cost to buy it? Had to be at least a few bars of gold for a map like that.” Hemi appraised.

“Right amount, wrong metal. This one cost me five bars of silver.” Pix grinned before she folded it back up carefully as Hemi’s eyebrows rose in surprise.

“But that should have only run what, one and a half or two bars of gold though?” He asked before Pix had a peculiar grin on her features as she unfolded the map once more.

“Ok, you see here on this map, how there’s this settlement, with two dragons in the mountains?” She asked.

“Yeah.” He said as he tried to memorize how much it would take to get there as he wasn’t familiar with much of anything around it.

“In this place, if you get the opportunity to sell anything there, you’ll get the best gold for it. But if you want to buy anything there, you better be paying in silver. In your tribe, were there two kinds of currency? One used with the outsiders, but another used just in the tribe among tribe members?” She asked.

“Yeah.” He nodded.

“Same thing there. The people who live here with the dragons- they’re of a bird people called moura. To look at them, most of the time they look no different than humans. But human- they are not. Gold is what they use with outsiders, who don’t live there and what they pay to the people who are brave enough to climb that mountain road up to it. Big risk, but big reward right? Because money talks. And very few things speak louder than gold does right?” She reasoned.

“Gotcha.” Hemi nodded in understanding before they heard the tell tale sign of a baby crying for the first time.

“Usually.” He nodded.

“So in a place that has dragons and they use the dragon’s own hoard of gold to do business with outsiders. But among themselves, silver is king there. You want to sell anything, you get paid in gold by the locals there. You want to buy anything like the maps. You pay in silver because gold to a moura is like trying to pay for something as common as the stones from a stream or on a pathway. Gold is useless and practically worthless to the natives in a mountain colony of them because all gold technically belongs and comes from the dragons right? The fortresses are called ‘colonies’. Because moura are bird folk all the same. But what sets them apart is they are usually always protected by dragons too. And those dragons will burn anyone who the dragons see as a threat. Just the same way some peoples have special relationships with other beings or other creatures? Same thing with them. So my advice, save all your silver and trade all your gold in for silver before you approach a moura colony. That’s the only way you’ll afford much of anything up there. And it’s best to wait to even approach if Kisska or another merchant that already does business with them and approach with them. Because the moura are a skittish and a slow to trust- bunch. And you usually aren’t allowed in without someone they do trust to vouch for you. But among all the bird peoples, they are the best map makers there are, at least, in my experience. Because they’re birdfolk, they can get wings and fly all around the world all the time and map it as they fly over it. So the whole- ‘bird’s eye view’ thing is a real literal thing they have. And they know that most will pay practically their weight in silver for a good one, that’s as current as possible. Because you know as well as I do that lands get conquered all the time. And overnight, a lot of stuff can change.” Pix revealed.

“Well, that’s my cue. It was nice to meet you Hemi. I gotta go and once Kisska cleans up, we’ll be headed back to the Bayonet Manor and get a chance to regroup and figure out what and how we get to change everything.” Pix said.

“See you around Hemi.” Pix offered as she got Cinni turned around and got the group ready to leave to go back as soon as Kisska would be done inside.

“So Pix short for something? Like a longer name?” He asked as he followed her and Abasi, Sussilo and Kaboom could not get off their asses to intervene fast enough.

“Nope. Just Pix. Why? Is Hemi short for a longer name for you?” She asked before they all paused.

“Nah, just…Hemi.” He shook his head.

“Ok then.” Pix nodded.

“You sure about that name though? You sure it’s not Pix short for Pixie?” He asked and suddenly both crews gasped as Abasi, KaBoom and Susillo were trying to yell apologies at Pix and beg for mercy and leniency for Hemi. Which didn’t make a bit of sense to Hemi who was just confused at the way suddenly everyone was reacting to that.

But it was as if Pix was ignoring them as she swung her leg off her horse and grabbed his tusks to yank him down to the ground to the point he was suddenly on his knees and looking up at a now very angry Pix.

“Pix as in Pick Axe, As in I will break these tusks off myself after I break your jaw and shatter it like glass as use them as such. No one calls me Pixie. Because that is not my name. The last guy who tried, I punched him out cold. I shattered his jaw to the point it never mended and when he awoke three days later from the coma my punch sent him into- he didn’t live but an hour before his friends put him out of his misery because by then, they had to amputate his jaw because I punched him into the ground so hard, pieces of his jaw broke through his cheeks and it all got infected and gangrenous. He wasn’t the first and I’m sure he won’t be the last that I will do that too. This is your one warning. Because we just met and Cinni likes you and Cinni is just as picky and choosey about who she likes as I am. The same way I’m sure you’re raising your dire wolf pups to be too. And I know you were just hired to protect KaBoom and his crew. But know this, the fastest way to cross me and get on my bad side is to call me anything other than Pix or Ma’am. Know that I am stronger than I look. And I have fought off dozens of battle hardened warriors turned mercenaries, all by myself at any one time and been the last one left standing. As has every other woman on my security team. We are our own clan. And Kisska is our leader but I am the Warchieftess. And I don’t need or answer to no man, especially one that won’t even use my name the way I have given them the permission to.” Pix snarled down as Hemi’s pups actually took a submissive pose and began to whine for mercy for their master.

“Your pups are saving you this time. There better not be a next time though.” Pix grunted as she used her hold on his tusks to actually push him away before she walked to the house and knocked on the door.

“Kisska, kachini.” Pix said through the door.

“Coming! I’ll be right out.” Kisska answered before Pix pet the wolves and assured them that she wasn’t mad at them as Hemi was just now finding his feet again and brushing the dirt off of himself.

“Save your breath.” Pix warned the others who immediately shut up and shrunk back and away and went and got Hemi and brought him back to where their own carts were.

“Is any of that true?” Hemi asked as he moved his jaw from side to side.

“Oh yeah. She’s beheaded guys for that right in the street for it too. And because she’s orc, it’s excused as a sign of them insulting her honor or Kisska’s or any other woman in that crew. That is Pix’s one button that once you know it’s there, if you accidentally brush against it, heaven help you if you press it once and if you live past pressing it, you never press it again if you want to keep living. The reason she is as big and strong as she is, is because she’s fought against most- thinking she’s somehow their pixie dream girl, woman, whatever. You just got very, very lucky that that’s all she did. She must really like your pups. Otherwise she could have and would have killed you to take them herself. She’s not a woman anyone ever says ‘no’ to. And whatever she asks for, you give, without question. She is the deterrent for Kisska. To keep Kisska safe and her reputation as squeaky clean as it is. She’s had Clan Chief’s offer her the positions of Clan Chieftess to nearly every clan there is, and she’s turned them all down, all for Kisska. Because Kisska, and her midwifing skills, that’s how they make as much as they do. And how they can afford to be a family and a mini clan of their own. Kisska’s dad, is just as scary and just as intimidating as you are. He is a warrior of legend and his younger brother who is just as lethal as he is, they trained Pix. And when Kisska said that she wanted to take midwifing on the road. Pix is her cousin and Kisska’s choice of who she could trust to have her back and keep her safe. I know they don’t look it, but they’re family. And Rogan, Kisska’s dad was only be ok with it, if Pix went with her to keep her safe. And Pix takes protecting Kisska and everyone else in their crew just as seriously as I hope your dad is about your mom right?” KaBoom explained.

“Ah. I see.” Hemi nodded in understanding.

“I take it between Rogan and Pix, they keep you from getting any closer to Kisska huh?” Hemi realized as Kaboom’s shoulders dropped in shame.

“Yeah, that is a fight, a battle and a war I will never win. So the best way I can help her is to tell Pix about all the customers of the third business to keep Kisska safe, that’s all I can manage, that and the soaps and how and why we have it in the first place. Kisska is our best client when it comes that too. So just…from now on, never say the name ‘Pixie’ again. Pix or Ma’am. Usually Boss Lady.” KaBoom urged Hemi as Kisska finally left the house and gave Hemi a curious look before she climbed up into the seat of the cart to finish cleaning the blood off of herself.

But Hemi, if anything was now more adamant that he found the perfect woman. Because she wasn’t afraid of him or put him into his place for crossing the line. He could only admire and respect her more for it. He didn’t know how or when, but it was going to be his mission to make Pix his mate, one way or another.

It was the next day that Hemi got to meet Kisska herself as she came back into Slystall to check up on Diade and how she was faring as KaBoom walked her back to where they were set up at.

“So you’re Hemi?” Kisska asked Hemi as she approached him.

“Yes Ma’am.” He answered.

“I take it KaBoom or anyone else on the crew hadn’t told you about my cousin and her ‘piss me off’ button huh?” She asked with an apologetic look.

“Yeah, I meant no disrespect or offense. I just…Pix as in Pick Axe makes sense.” He managed to say.

“Yeah. Well, I’m sorry. If I had seen you two interacting I would have pulled you aside and told you myself. Pix is…well she has a really strong personality and really strong reactions.” Kisska offered apologetically.

“She’s family and she keeps you safe and you’re her family and her path to independence. Of course she should be strong for that.” Hemi appraised which got her to smile appreciatively that he was being as gracious as he was.

“Yeah. That’s why we’re….more of a band of sisters than anything. Because this keeps us free and independent and none of us want to give it up. But I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do to smooth this over.” Kisska admitted but Hemi sensed that Kisska was more repeating that for herself than to inform him as even KaBoom could only nod as Hemi noticed KaBoom’s horns were shorter and were currently sticking out of Kisska’s satchel.

“It’s me who should be making amends Miss Kiana. What can I do to smooth things over?” He asked which surprised Kisska and KaBoom to see and hear.

“Uh…I…I don’t…I’d have to think about that one.” Kisska admitted.

“Here, will this help?” Hemi asked before he went into his own ruck sack and pulled out a jar of black balm as Kisska’s eyes got wide when she saw it before put the whole jar into her hands as she had to work to keep a hold of the huge jug.

“Hemi, no, this is too much. It was just a misunderstanding and Pix has always had a bad temper, really, I can’t accept this.” Kisska tried to say.

“KaBoom hasn’t stopped talking about how much you and your crew has helped him and his business and how you help his soaps and fireworks sell and he sings your midwifing skills to every woman he sees. But that being said. I know because of the association you have with us, that we put you in more danger than you ever should be. And I understand that if I do my job right, neither of you should have trouble. I just didn’t want to drive a wedge between between us. And if this is an acceptable peace offering, it’s worth it if it means it keeps the peace and keeps your crew and mine on good terms. I offended her. I can only hope that this will make up for it.” He plainly stated before she passed the jug to KaBoom only to try to hug him, only able to reach her little arms around the front part of his waist.

“Thank you so much Hemi. I can sleep better at night knowing that you, as my new friend are keeping my old ones safe and sound. Thank you.” She thanked him genuinely before she took the jug back to carry it like it was a baby of it’s own as KaBoom silently turned around and silently said his thanks to Hemi for the peace offering as he walked her back to the manor.

#Monster March #Monster March 2023 #Monster March 2023 Day 16- Giant Part 2

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devotion90 · 2 years

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I just finished my first journey in Borderlands 3 as Hunter. Oh my God, last boss reminded me a troll battle in RE4. And this breathtaking ending with Lilith... Did you notice Ellie have a tattoo with Catch-a-ride to heaven? Well, i think we all will have a tattoo in our heart "Firehawk with us".

#Borderlands #Borderlands 3 #Lilith #me #blog #personal #thoughts #gamer girl #game #girl gamer

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mousedroid-hoojib · 4 months

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While the number of figures I picked up in 2023 numbers in the hundreds across a handful of disparate lines, these are probably my top 5 for the year:

5. Mattel Masters Of The Universe Origins Frog Monger - for a throwaway character on a sticker in 1982 who has popped up in numerous places in box art this last couple of years, this guy came out significantly better than he had any right to. Mattel is doing great work in Origins (and Masterverse) and are probably bringing me more joy than Hasbro are doing in their Star Wars lines, despite being my overall focus.

4. Four Horseman Mythic Legions Zenithon - I picked this guy up when I noticed the similarity to Zodac, and while I might not end up as an all-in collector of the line, this started what is becoming an ever increasing number of items from this line and Cosmic Legions. Although the cost is a little higher, the quality here is great and the world building possibilities are endless.

3. Formo Toys Legends Of Dragonore Ka-Rem - the entire first wave is awesome, but this guy is probably my favourite of the six characters (plus build a figure and repaint 3 pack) thus far released. I had built the idea of this line up in my head from when I first saw the original Lords Of Power pitch, and it did not disappoint.

2. Hasbro Young Jedi Adventures Jedi Showdown Pack - this was definitely something unexpected. I am decades past the age of the target audience for the cartoon and the figure line, but Young Jedi Adventures was for me by far the best Star Wars related thing to happen in 2023. I picked this box set of the core (sans Nubs and Nash, who I later got individually and with the Crimson Firehawk) characters up on one of the first visits to a toy store since the pandemic began, and whether it was the feeling of being home again or just planets aligning in what was otherwise an ordinary time, this brought a lot of joy.

1.Lego Creator 3 in 1 Space Shuttle 31134 - by a long way the cheapest Lego set I have picked up for many moons, it also brought me by far the most amount of happiness. It is a great little build of something that has always held a special place in my heart. I could not recommend this set highly enough.

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divabandits-blog · 4 months

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aks-of-the-weak · 9 months

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Incipit: Since last time, i actually looked up how constellations worked and learned that there is already both a Whale and a Fly constellation. So that's fun. I thought i was original, but turns out i was actually pretty basic all around. Story of my life.

4th Post: Artist, Sign of the Artist. I'll come out and say it right now, if i was a creator god i wouldn't love all my children equally.

Constellation: I hate how this one turned out, but i don't hate the idea. The aspect of Creation is usually Space whereas Time is the aspect of Destruction, so there's a clear irony here, but not an irreconcilable one. For one, "Art" doesn't necessarily mean "Creative Art", it can also mean any sort of skill set that is practiced and acquired. For example, the "Art of Archery" doesn't create anything. In fact, it's (or so i heard) about reproducing the same winning movement every time in order to arrive at the same result. That said, the Artist sign was supposed to be (a terrible attempt at) representing the head of a paintbrush. So here's my idea. (See picture below). This carries the symbolism of Time a lot better than the paintbrush did, since candles burn over time and ultimately all arrive at the same result. On the other hand, it doesn't carry anything of the whole definition of art i've elaborated in this paragraph, so that's a bummer. I like the idea enough tho, so I'll leave the bridging of these two concepts to other sections.

Lusus: Initially i wanted the lusus to be dead, but then i realized the only character to have a dead lusus in homestuck canon is also a timebound Burgundy blood, so my ✨ Special ✨ Boy ✨ Instincts ✨(tm) immediately kicked in and now i have to actually come up with something. Fire use is pretty rare in the natural world. The only thing other than humans that could be carrying a stick that's on fire is Firehawks. Firehawks are a group of Australian birds that sometimes carry burning sticks from wildfires to other dry areas in order to propagate them. Usually this is for the purpose of hunting, but this one is just going to be a little shit. The firehawk lusus's only joy in life is to burn shit down and sow chaos and destruction. Not a great parental figure to have around. Which sort of introduces Pyromania to the character. Pyromania is a form of impulse control disorder, sometimes born from having a neglectful father figure, which becomes harder to treat after childhood and can potentially worsen if untreated. This might be relevant later. It might not. #improv writing.

*I'm not an expert on this stuff, obviously; i just did a quick googling.

Physicality: I generally try to be creative with psionic powers and expand the possibilities from what homestuck set up, so giving this character strong Pyrokinetic powers would be pretty easy since it's just one step away from the burgundy's already established Telekinesis. But here's what i think. The character is about art in the sense of "practiced skill" so if "burning shit down" is or represents in some way their art, isn't it counter-cohesive if that art is a proficiency they were born with? So i'm going to make them psionless. Their fire-setting tool instead is a giant paintbrush which they coat in tar then light and use to draw circles around the battlefield. orrrrr... for their job. Pyromania isn't an art, creative or skill-wise, and as much as i think Alternia having Arson as a competitive sport is pretty funny, it's not really "a character's main focus" worthy. so here's the scene:

CONTENT WARNING: Violence against a Child. Abusive Parent.

Personality: Fire was a mainstay in Maipur Lenote's life since further than they can remember. When they were 4 sweeps old, fire was the thing their lusus waved around to chase out predators and bandits. When they were 5 sweeps old, fire was what tore down one of their hive's wall. The bird brained parent had a moment of clumsiness, or so it seem, and now the hive's left side had gone up in flames. From here on, fire was what cooked the meat without a connection to fuel household appliances. Fire was what brought heat to the coldest nights. At 6 sweeps old fire was what drove an angry mob of psions and warriors to Maipur's house, fire was what burned in their heart as they beat the young troll to an inch of their life without even ever telling the them what it is they did wrong. Their lusus never showed an inkling of knowing anything either. At 7 sweeps old, fire was what lit the way in dark forests as they ran from hordes again and again and so until fire finally became a tool for revenge. Maipur started to meet the hordes head on. Using a giant paintbrush coincidentally found in a chest adorned with their own caste sign, Maipur lit bodies across every field and forest on alternia, each death accompanied by screams of agony that no amount of smoke and crackling could cover. But revenge, in turn, only breeds revenge. It's only at 8 sweeps old that Maipur learned why their pursuers were so angry everytime. Everywhere they had went, their stupid birdbrained lusus had dumped sticks of fire and cans of gasoline in every neighborhood. It had spent every effort to prevent Maipur from learning this, indulging in its pyromanic impulses and leaving them to deal with the consequence. In a fit of rage, Maipur grabs it by its neck, pins it to the ground and yells with all the desperation in the world "But why!? Why do you do this???". The creature could answer, it's one of the rare lusii smart enough for basic communication, but it chooses not to. With a flick of its dexterous talons, it spins its burning stick into Maipur's wrist who releases it in a cry of pain. Now freed, Maipur and the beast make eye contact. They look at at each other with sadness, with anger, with pain. And then it flies away. At 9 sweeps old, Maipur never saw their lusus again. With it gone, mobs stop forming from having their homes burned down, but the ire of the friends and loved ones of the people felled by Maipur still burns on. From purple to burgundy, land dwellers of every kind come after Maipur's head. What was once a technique for survival has long since turned to art. They can burn down a half a dozen foes in a single sweep of the brush now, perhaps, but instead in battle like in peace they apply this skill to a new hobby of theirs. Landscaping. Their flames meticulously burn away ugly plants and view blocking bushes. Everywhere they pass through, from the nourishment of the ashes and a few consciously planted seeds, beautiful scenic vistas arise in time accompanying the charred bodies they leave in their wake. The Firepainter's works, though often macabre in circumstance, quickly gets noticed by both competitive arson leagues and gardening guilds. "Her Condescension wastes, but she does not spurn" as the blue bloods say, and when the time comes to leave the homeworld, the empire makes good on that adage. Maipur is offered work far above the merit of their blood. They shape landscapes for High Blood employers, they prepare battlefields for the empire's invasions, they burn down armies of soldiers, they burn down fortresses, they burn villages, they burn innocents. Anything really, Work is work. Most trolls look back at their days on alternia with fondness. But Maipur never looks back.

Excipit: Eeeeeeeeeh, get it? It's, like, the imagery of a wick/candle that burns from one side to the next, kinda. "Everywhere they pass through", "in time", if Maipur does their landscaping stuff then leaves and never comes back to see the result there's something bizarre, and i'd say profoundly anti-artistic, in that. I didn't want to tap into the "mental illness = evil" trope which i fucking hate from the bottom of my heart, but i did kind of tap into it. But i feel there's a few caveats that should be cutting me some slacks. For first, the "mentally ill = evil" character is a fucking bird. For twoth, the morality of someone with a mental illness is still depend on themselves first, if the story is good the character's morality might derive from their relationship to the illness or a particular action might be explained by that mental illness, but the character's morality can't come directly from the illness itself. I feel there's enough grounds to say the bird was an asshole already, pyromaniac or not. It hid its crimes and harmed its charge/child. pyromania is just the vehicle through which that manifested. For thirth it's a fucking bird.

#custom extended zodiac #extended zodiac #custom troll sign #homestuck #troll sign #homestuck improv writing #homestuck oc

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ao3feed-danganronpa · 1 year

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Video Games In Danganronpa

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/0DIL6tu

by Jxstudios

Rated "M" for Mature

"So, what to here a story eh? A tale of heroes conquering death and despair with Hope? If not then too bad I'm telling you anyway."

The Firehawk, Lilith, and 15 others video game characters find themselves trapped in Pandora's First Ever Killing Game? Will she and the other's make it out to see another day or will they succumb to Despair.

The following Fangan contains Blood and Gore, Intense Violence, Strong Language, Mature Humor, Suggestive Themes, Use of Alcohol, Tobacco Reference

(This was originally gonna be on my wattpad but I decided to move this over to A03)

Words: 92, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Borderlands (Video Games), Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy, Life is Strange (Video Game), Super Mario Bros. (Video Games), Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games), Metal Gear, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, Tomb Raider (Video Games), The Last of Us (Video Games), Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse), Watch Dogs (Video Games), Saints Row, Star Fox (Video Games)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Categories: Gen

Characters: Lilith (Borderlands), Rhys (Borderlands), Zer0 (Borderlands), Maxine "Max" Caulfield, Mario (Nintendo), Luigi (Nintendo), Sonic the Hedgehog, Solid Snake, Link (Legend of Zelda), Zelda (Legend of Zelda), Lara Croft, Samus Aran, Cloud Strife, Aerith Gainsborough, Garrus Vakarian, Claire Redfield, Marcus Holloway, Johnny Gat, Tifa Lockhart, Handsome Jack (Borderlands), Joel (The Last of Us), Wolf O'Donnell

Additional Tags: protag lilith, Mix of TLOU 1 and 2 Ellie, Intermissions, Fan Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), Set in Borderlands, 2013 Lara, atrantino vibes, tarantino vibes

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/0DIL6tu

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #dangan ronpa #danganronpa #dr

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lomoent · 2 years

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H1 halogen bulb

H1 HALOGEN BULB HOW TO

The new LED bulbs are lighter than traditional halogen light bulbs and last for up to 50,000 hours. Hikari continues to raise expectations for automotive illumination with its new High Power 50000 hour LED Headlight Bulbs. Hikari Ultra LED Bulbs offer exceptional visibility and a 6000K color temperature, giving the user an extreme feeling of clarity. Hikari Ultra Halogen Replacement Bulbs makes no exception. ZES is well-known for making the most efficient LED chips. If you are in a hurry, you can trust my recommendation and thank me later. In case you’re in a hurry? Here is our winnerĬheck this one below and order from my review unit. Which is the brightest H1 Bulb for Projector Headlights?.What is the working principle of an H1 bulb?.Are H1 LED bulbs capable of generating high or low beams?.Is it possible to replace the H1 bulb with an LED?.

H1 HALOGEN BULB HOW TO

How to select the best h1 bulb for your projector headlights?.Is it Worth Putting H1 Bulbs in Projector Headlights (Video Guide).Things to Consider while Buying the Best H1 Bulbs for Projector Headlights.Why would you buy the Best H1 Bulbs for Projector Headlights?.Most Powerfull – Car Workbox H1 LED Headlight Bulbs Brightest H1 Bulb for Projector Headlight.Best Budget – Fahren H1 LED Headlight Bulb Firehawk 2021 New H1 LED Bulbs for Projector Headlights Best LED Bulbs for Projector Headlights.Best Overall – HIKARI Ultra H1 LED Bulbs for Projector Headlights Here is the List of Best H1 Bulbs for Projector Headlights.In case you’re in a hurry? Here is our winner.

#H1 halogen bulb

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unknown-mafia · 2 years

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"A Hyperion train is speedin’ through the Tundra Express. If my intel’s good, and it usually is, the vault key itself might be onboard. My advice? Do what I'd do -- steal the key. Get drunk. Pass out." - Mordecai "Never meet your heroes, kid. They're all dicks. Every last one." - Handsome Jack "All these years, I told myself Jack had the planet’s best interests in mind. But what he just had me do to Sanctuary? To people he had never met, who had never done anything to him? He’s not a hero. He’s a murderer. And I won’t be his puppet anymore." - Angel "The bandits call me the Firehawk, but the name's Lilith. I’m with the Raiders, like you -- I keep the bandits in line so Roland can focus on taking down Jack." - Lilith Yeah, sorry. A long description for 4 drawings I did in the last week. Was kinda fun doing these, I won't lie. I did spend the most time on two of these though, I will not lie. Which of the 4 is your favourite? 👀 #borderlands #borderlands2 #borderlands2art #borderlands2fanart #borderlands2mordecai #borderlands2handsomejack #borderlands2angel #borderlands2lilith #art #sketches

#borderlands #borderlands2 #borderlands2art #borderlands2fanart #borderlands2mordecai #borderlands2handsomejack #borderlands2angel #borderlands2lilith #art #sketches

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carriagelamp · 3 years

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Art of Aardman

I found myself a cheap copy of the Shaun the Sheep movie, so I was rewatching a bunch of Aardman films earlier this month and decided to hunt down some books too. For anyone that doesn’t know, Aardman is a British stop-motion studio that does fantastic work like Wallace and Gromit, Shaun the Sheep, Chicken Run, Early Man… tons of cool stuff. They’re always quirky and funny and warm-hearted. This was just a very nice art book for anyone that’s a fan of Aardman stop motion and wants to see a bit extra; it shows some cool concept art and blows up the neat details in Aardman work, especially in their intricate stuff like The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists!

Asterix and the Picts (Asterix and the Chariot Race, and How Obelix Fell Into The Magic Potion)

I decided to try a couple of the new Asterix comics that were done by the new team, just to see if they stand up to the old ones (that and How Obelix Fell Into The Magic Potion cause I’d never read that one before). They were pretty decent! Asterix and the Picts was my favourite of the two though I wouldn’t say either are going to contest for my favourite Asterix comic... but still! The art looks good and the stories felt like what I would expect, they made for a pleasant couple evenings of reading especially since it’s been so long since I’ve read a new Asterix comic. If you’ve never read Asterix it’s one of the biggest name French comic series in North America, as far as I know and very worth the read. It’s about a single Gaulish village that’s holding out against the invading Romans through sheer force of will, slapstick hijinks, and a magical super-strength potion brewed by their druid. Lots of fantastic visuals and cute wordplay, even in the English translations.

Bear

I found out about this bastion of Canadian literature via tumblr post that was losing its collective mind over the fact that some bizarre bear-based erotica novella somehow won the most prestigious literary prize available in Canada. Since I too found this hilarious and unspeakably bizarre I had to give it a read, obviously. And yes, the flat surface level summary is... a librarian moves out into rural Ontario and falls in love with a literal for-real not-supernatural-not-a-joke bear. And I have to say… it is actually worthy of an award, which I was not expecting given that I was there for a laugh. It has beautiful writing, and the subtextual story is pretty interesting… it kind of makes me think of The Haunting of Hill House actually in terms of themes. (Womanhood, personhood, independence, autonomy partially achieved through escaping the male gaze by claiming non-human lovers... listen if I were still in university I would right a paper comparing the two novels).

I dunno man, it’s fucking weird. Actually a well-written book, but sure is about a woman falling in love with a literal bear. Give it a read if you want something bonkers but like… high-brow bonkers.

Hunger Pangs: True Love Bites

Best book I have read in like… a while. A long while. I am not a fast reader, and I consumed 90% of this book over a weekend. It’s not at all like Terry Pratchett, but at the same time it scratched an itch for me that I haven’t had satisfied since Pratchett’s death. A very clever, hilariously funny poly romance between a disabled werewolf, an anxious vampire lord, and an incredibly powerful woman, with heaps of social satire, political commentary, and sinister undertones. The whole thing reads a bit like fanfiction and I say that in the most flattering way possible -- it is so easy to jump right in and be immediately taken over by the characters and the world and the plot, you never feel like you’re fighting to engage even though the world-building is fascinating and expansive. It welcomes you in right away, it was the book equivalent of a quilt and a hug which is something I sorely needed with all this pandemic bullshit. If you read any of the books on this list, go read that one while I sit here in pain waiting for the sequel.

Kid Paddle

I watched the cartoon of Kid Paddle as a kid and was thinking about it recently, so I decided to hunt down some of the original comics online. They’re fun and weird, with a cute art style and fantastic monsters designs. (My favourites are always about Kid either daydreaming or playing games that involve Midam’s weird warty troll creatures. It’s like a cross between Calvin and Hobbes and Foxtrot with the fun sort of quirks that I love in Belgian comics. Unfortunately, unlike Asterix, I’ve only come across these ones in French, but if you can read French it’s totally worth popping over to The Internet Archive and reading the ones they have available.

The Last Firehawk: The Golden Temple

The lastest Firehawk book. Despite being written for quite young readers, I did enjoy the early books in this series quite a bit. They’re about a young owl and squirrel who found an egg for a magical species that was believed to be extinct. With the newly hatched firehawk, the three of them head off on a mission to find an ancient firehawk magic that could save the entire forest. Very basic adventure story but a good intro to the tropes for children. Unfortunately the quality really feels like it drops with each subsequent book; this will probably be the last one I bother reading.

Lumberjanes: The Moon Is Up

I honestly think I enjoy these Lumberjanes novels even more than the comics just because it really gives time to delve into each story and examine how the camper are really thinking and feeling about everything. (Also I’m always weak for novelizations of anything.) The Moon Is Up is a book that focuses more on Jo, and takes place during the camp’s much anticipated Galaxy Wars, a competition between cabins that goes over several days. While the campers prepare for these challenges though, they also run into a strange little creature with a penchant for cheese and theft. Roanoke cabin needs to keep ahead in Galaxy Wars and somehow deal with the fearsome Moon Pirates that a closing in...

Lumberjanes v4 (Out Of Time)

One of the Lumberjanes comics, a cool, girl-focused, queer comic series. Honestly, this is just a fun series that I never got as into as I should have. My advice is honestly to skip book one because it gets better as it continues, and I’ve really been enjoying the later books now that I’ve given it another go. It follows five campers at Miss Qiunzella Thiskwin Penniquiqul Thistle Crumpet’s Camp for Hardcore Lady Types (Jo, April, Molly, Mal, and Ripley) as they handle all sorts of challenges, from friendship to crushes, camp activities to supernatural horrors, getting badges to not being brutally killed. Great if you liked the vibe of Gravity Falls but want it to be queer-er.

Mooncakes

Another queer graphic novel, but unfortunately not a very good one. It really looked appealing and I had high hopes, but the book itself really didn’t hold up… I actually couldn’t even finish it, the plot was just too… non-existent. The art is fairly mediocre once you actually look at it, especially backgrounds, and it feels very… placid. Not much conflict or excitement or even a very compelling reason to keep reading. If you just want a soft queer supernatural you may get more mileage out of it than me, but it didn’t really do it for me. There’s better queer graphic novels out there.

New Boy In Town

One of the worst books I have ever read. My girlfriend had ordered a very different book online but through a frankly stupendous error was sent this 1980s pulp romance instead. Absolutely nauseating on levels I couldn’t even begin to enumerate here. Naturally we read the whole thing out loud. Probably took us 10 times longer to finish than it warranted because I had to stop every two sentences to lose my mind. If you like bad decisions, baffling hetero courting rituals, built-in cultural Christianity without actually calling it that, and gold panning then boy howdy is this the book for you.

(seriously, you better have patience for gold-panning if you attempt this one, because I sure learn that I don’t)

Piggies

This was a picture book I enjoyed as a kid and had a reason to reread recently. Honestly it’s just very cute and simple, and the art is completely mesmerizing. Wonderful if you know a young child that would enjoy a simple goofy boardbook.

Shaun the Sheep: Tales From Mossy Bottom

Related to my Aardman fascination earlier this month. I tried reading a varieties of Shaun the Sheep books — most of which are mediocre at best — but the Tales From Mossy Bottom Farm series is genuinely good. Just chapter books, of course, but the illustrations match the series’ concept art and each story feels like it could have jumped directly out of an episode. They’re just cute and feel-good! Kinda like Footrot Flats but more for kids, and from the sheep’s perspective moreso than the dog’s.

#aardman animation #shaun the sheep #lumberjanes #kid paddle #asterix #the last firehawk #hunger pangs: true love bites #marian engel #bear #canadian literature #canlit #queer lit #book review #book reviews #chatter

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