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cullens-babe · 4 years

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Extremely Detailed Inquisitor Questionnaire for Elle!

Elle’s turn :))). Love her the most lol. Her character background is kinda confusing so,,bare with me. Plus, every question is kinda too detailed and sometimes goes off track (but gets back on it) because I want to explain Elle a lot more. But this isn’t everything about her. There’s still a lot more >:)))).

Name: Elle

Age: 26

Race: Elf, but she uses her magic to put a glamour over her. She looks human to others.

Gender/preferred pronouns: Female. She/Her

Class (warrior/rogue/mage): Was a Mage but in DAI is a warrior.

Preferred weapon/spell type: She would usually use a staff when she loved her magic, but in DAI she likes to use a sword with both hands. Never was that great with a shield.

Specialization: Knight Warrior

Romance: Cullen (precious pup🥺).

Elle is a very loving woman. She’s a bit quiet, a little shy, but she always means well. The Templar’s weren’t that great to her when she was young (being a mage and an elf), but she refused to let that stop her from being herself. She showed kindness to everyone, sympathized with them, and did anything she could that would help them. However, her being so kind sometimes got her in trouble. Being used, manipulated, tricked, and other terrible things. Now, she plays as a human who has no magic whatsoever and fights for peace like she always will.

*Describe what your Inquisitor is like before the game’s events–preferably, choose three words that describe best. Then explain why those adjectives are appropriate descriptors.

She was a kind little girl. Her father was a Templar human and her mother was an elf mage. A little weird to everyone else, but her father truly loves her mother, and he loves his mage daughter like she was everything. And he loves his other daughter as well!! He loved both of his children so much (older sister is mentioned later). When she grew up, she would sing at the local tavern. It was shows they would put on every night and she loved it. She learned her glamour spell during this time. She didn’t want people to know who she was since she was a little embarrassed. She’d look like a human and her looks would change a little bit, but not much. She would be considered a bard, but not much. She was very observant. She watched everyone as she sang, listened to their conversations when she was by the bar, and acted playful to catch them slipping up. She didn’t really use the information for anything, but it was a little fun to her. Three words to describe her would be Kind, Playful, and Sneaky.

Kind because she is kind. She listens to people, does her best to help them, and tries to not be judgemental. She’s playful because of how she acts. Whenever a Templar would say “oh it’s a mage,” she’d be like “Oh, thank you for noticing me. I do like the attention,” and she’d laugh at how the Templar’s looked a little uncomfortable. She’d make jokes and almost never seem to take anything seriously. Always having a comeback to the Templar’s (or sometimes mages) that made fun of her or tried to bring her down. And when Cullen says “no one made quite the entrance you did.” She’d smile and pull out the playful side of her and reply “Well, I do like having everyone’s attention,” or something a little more playful. And she’s sneaky because she was a kinda spy. She would listen to people when they thought no one could hear them, she’d sneak through the halls of her home late at night to go see her friends, and because of what she’s doing now. Hiding what she really is out of fear and anger of her past.

Does your Inquisitor change over the course of the game’s events? If so, how? What events affected their character arc the most?

Yes. She learns to not be afraid of her past and shows her real self to the main people in her life (the party members and main people in the inquisition). She learns to not hide herself and accepts her magic as a part of her. The one event that affected her most was when she was thrown into the Fade. When the fear demon was speaking to her, it shook her to her core. Her past flashing in front of her when she closed her eyes, and she was afraid everyone would see her entire past. It made her panic the whole time there, but leave it to Elle to hide behind a well built mask. She was a performer after all and meant to never show her true emotions when the attention is all on her. And when she saw how panicky she was and how afraid she was for them to find out, she decided to talk to Cullen and everyone else.

What is their combat skill level before the events of the game? Are they already skilled fighters, or can they barely hold their weapon of choice properly?

She was a very well trained Mage. She loved magic and was always wanting to learn more, and her father, siste rand mother also wanted to learn more. With her family encouraging her and wanting to learn beside her, it made her learn more and more about magic. How she could protect herself and others, but also the bad side of Magic... However, she didn’t just know how to fight with her staff. She was curious about fighting with swords, daggers, and bow and arrow. Always wanting to know more. Her favorite way of fighting (without her staff) was either with bow and arrow or a sword. As she grew up, she learned how to fight with a sword by her father, but it never was intense training. She even tried to fight the Templar’s for training and beat most of them. Why is that good? Because she didn’t get the amount of training they did. She was observant, noticed their patterns (almost every fighter has a pattern in how they fight), how strong they really are, and looked for weak spots. This is why she would’ve been good as a full time bard, but nah. She would study that and win almost every time. Made her dad very proud. But he was always proud of her no matter what,,,

How well do they improve after becoming the Herald/Inquisitor?

She learns how to truly fight. As a kid (and a grown up before the main events of DAI), she never tried to fight hard, never wanting to actually hurt someone (even if it happened anyway...), so she didn’t train too much. Just wanted the basics with the sword. She grew stronger (TUFF baby), learned how to not hide her emotions, and learned how to love fully. She never truly knew how to love another person (romantically I mean) until she met Cullen. She’s happy about that and so is everyone else around her :). And she learns how to not let herself lead mainly with her emotions. She was a little naive and lead with her emotions most of the time, but she learned that that’s not always the best thing to do, even if it hurts her heart.

Does the Inquisitor have family they left behind? Friends?

This part is rlly long sorry lol.

She has her mother and sister left behind. Yeah, she has a big sister. They are very close. Her sister is an actual human and is a warrior and is a Templar. She became a Templar because she wanted to be like her father and actually protect people. If someone ever insulted the mages, she’d literally be like “wanna square up?? Wanna take this outside???” She imagines that mage as her sister and can’t stand it when people try to hurt the mages or treat them unfairly when most of them did nothing wrong! She believes Templar’s were not made to be like that, so she tries to help people see that. Elle left because of her past. It wasn’t on her own accord, she left out of fear and shame. She hurt people on accident, so she couldn’t show her face.

What made it worse, her dad died when she was 10 and her sister was 11. He was a Templar so he used Lyrium. When he and their mother had Lela (the older sister), he wanted to stop taking it, prove that he was more than just a Templar taking lyrium. That he could be a good father. However, irs like Cullen said, if a Templar stops taking it then they could go mad. And mad he did. He never abused anyone, he rarely showed the symptoms of an abuser of the lyrium, but his wife knew and she always tried to help him stop taking it, but after so many years of not taking it, he would go back to it. But he overdosed (I’m assuming that’s possible right?) and died. It haunts her everyday because she has a ring of his. It was a Templar ring. She wears it everywhere she goes, refusing to take it off. And she also Has a best friend who is a Templar! I’m kinda assuming Templar and Mage relationships aren’t really ‘allowed’. They’re not banned but frowned upon. However, they met in secret when they were kids, and they’ve stayed friends every since. His name is Caleb and he loves seeing Elle mess with her magic when she had it :))).

How does the Inquisitor react to the Anchor and the idea of closing the Breach–do they want to do the right thing, are they only along because they are a prisoner, or something else?

Oh boy,,she’s terrified. Having technically magic on her hand gives her anxiety. She doesn’t know if she’ll hurt people, doesn’t know how to use it, doesn’t know what will happen, and it gives her a lot of anxiety. She’s scared, but hides it once again. She gets anxiety bc the last time she used magic she hurt people on accident (I’ll explain it if someone asks or maybe later idk) and everytime she looks at her hand she feels the magic that’s still in her flow throughout her. It scares her, but she eventually learns to deal with it. She learns how it works, and what she can use it for. Plus, she does want to do the right thing. Always has and always will. She’s happy after she knows she can help people, but that past always comes back to haunt her.

Do they take the mountain pass with the scouts to the Temple or do they charge with the soldiers?

She takes the mountain path. She knows it’s dangerous, but believes in herself and her companions to make it through. Plus, she didn’t want to risk more lives, and she wanted to save the scouts if she could. Once again, letting her emotions lead her in the beginning, but she believes they’re alive and won’t take any other path. If her comrades didn’t go with her, then she would’ve went by herself. Stubborn girl😤.

How does the Inquisitor react to being called the Herald of Andraste?

She’s a little worried. She doesn’t like people fearing her. She does claim to like the worship, to like the way people bow to her, and its not 100% false. Everyone likes attention sometimes, and she does like it. But it causes guilt to rise in her mind. Would they bow to her if they knew what she did? How she hurt people? She just accepts it and smiles to everyone who gives her praise. But after awhile, she accepted the title and knew that meant she was someone important.

Do they believe it themselves?

She does a little bit. Not fully believing it, but not thinking of it as impossible. She’s just wishy-washy about her opinion.

How do they react to being thrown a year into the future? Do they believe they can get back? Are they focused on their goal, gathering information? Or are they just freaking out?

Hmm...she isn’t panic panicking, but she is still worried. She’s afraid of what happened to her family in this future (her mom, sister, and everyone in the inquisition) and she feels like they can’t get back. The walls feel like they’re closing in around her, and when she sees everyone with the red lyrium growing inside of them, it causes her heart to ache. However, she pulls herself together and will fight her hardest to save everyone. She would not let this come to happen. No matter what she had to do.

Does the Inquisitor help Harrit and save all possible citizens of Haven? Why?

YES!! She’s rushing around everywhere, checking every building that she can, and trying her best to hear for anyone calling out for help. She helps everyone the best she can and still feels regret for how many they lost that day. She does it because she cares. She cares so much for everyone and wants to save everyone if she can. She couldn’t live with herself if she let someone die because she was too lazy to search.

How does the Inquisitor feel about being a distraction for Corypheus while Haven flees? Are they resigned to their fate? Resentful? Determined to defeat the enemy/survive?

She feels sad. She knows this is needed, she has to do this. When she decided to help the inquisition, she signed herself up for this mess, and she WILL see it through. Even if it costed her her life. However, her sadness does effect her when she’s talking. Her voice cracking and tears almost falling, but she holds it together and does her best to distract Corypheus.

Does the encounter with Corypheus change their opinion of being Herald? Does it make them believe they are the Herald, lose faith, or affirm to their previous belief?

She’ll stare at the mark on her hand for awhile after everything, wondering if it is a blessing or a curse. She feels it flowing through her. Not pain, but just...there. And now seeing that Corypheus wants it and how he will come for her life, it only makes her more determined. Elle is not a woman known for giving up. Her faith doesn’t dim. Heck, the fire inside of her gets brighter and stronger after this. She believes she was meant for this. To see a creature that powerful and to LIVE after it? She believes she’s truly blessed, and she will use that blessing to her advantage.

How do they feel about being chosen for Inquisitor?

Guilt. Overwhelming guilt. They don’t know her past. None of them do. They don’t know how she is truly a mage, how she lost control of her magic once and hurt people. They don’t know, and yet she watches as they bow to her. Swear their loyalty to her. An elf playing human and champion, when she feels like she doesn’t deserve it. And as she looks at them, sees their bravery, their loyalty, their faith, and the way they want to see this through, she smiles and pushes her guilt back and raises her sword high. She will save this world and maybe, just maybe...they’ll still love her if she reveals herself.

How does the Inquisitor react to being in the Fade?

She feels like it’s a playground. Well, not an actual playground, but she’s excited to see all of it. Is it terrifying? YES. But does she also find it...kinda beautiful? Yeah. She feels how Solas feels. She was always interested in her magic, and that interest hasnt dimmed at all, and she looks so in awe of everything. She couldn’t hold back her curious eyes looking everywhere. The only part she truly hated was seeing the graveyard of fears. She saw hers and it said, “Herself.” She saw her past flash before her eyes and she felt like it was hard to breathe. Her curiosity now replaced with fear and anger. However, when one of the companions called her name, she was pulled out of whatever trance she was in, and laughed at their concern.

“I’m fine. I’m always fine. I’m the inquisitor. Let’s just get out of here.” And when the demon spoke to her, it’s cold, cruel voice called out, “Would they still love you if they knew?” She would yell a curse at it in Elven, and keep walking through the fade, desperate to get back to the world to save everyone and avoid her past.

Do they ever believe the spirit is actually of Divine Justinia?

She does. She likes to believe that Divine Justinia would look out for them, would want them to get out of here, and somehow stay behind. Is it a stretch? Yes. But she believes it was Divine Justinia. Let her have hope for once...

How do they react to learning it was the Divine behind them in the Fade, not Andraste?

She didn’t know the Divine, but she felt sad at how she sacrificed herself to save Elle. She feels at fault, but knows she isn’t. Divine made that choice. She feels sad at how she isn’t what people believe she is, but she still feels like it’s the Makers will. Or whatever is watching over them, she believes it is their will, and knows she is still destined to be here.

What is their opinion on attending the ball in the first place? Do they think it’s a waste of time, a necessary duty, or something exciting?

She feels nervous, but not too nervous. She was like a bard and was used to being someone else. Being careful, putting on a mask. It was a talent of hers. So, she is a little excited to be who she was when she was a bit younger, even if her decisions will affect everyone, she keeps a confident look on her face, gives playful responses, listens to everyone when they think she isn’t, goes with their opinions for their support, and knows how to persuade people. It’s something that was taught to her and she guesses becoming like a bard was a very important step in her life. However, she does see this as serious and treats it like that. When she’s searching, she’s moving as fast as her feet can take her, using her strength to maybe or maybe not break a door, keeping her mask on when she shows up, and knows how to play nice and when to play vicious.

Does the Inquisitor fight Grand Duchess Florianne, or expose her?

SHE DRAGS HER SWEETIE!! Even Cullen was holding back a laugh at how Elle was circling her like a shark, the way she had a smile on her face, the way she was confident, and noticing how she was very good at this. She said some...colorful words, and she dragged her, exposed her, humiliated her, whatever word you wanna use! She usually would feel bad, but this woman was going to get people killed without hesitation, so Elle held nothing back. And she loves exposing terrible people >:).

How does the Inquisitor get along with Morrigan?

She treats her with the same kindness and respect she treats everyone else with! She doesn’t trust her completely when they first met, her naive ways and too kind heart was now protected and wary. But overtime they grew a bit closer and became friend and when Morrigan acts coy and secretive, Elle would play along as well. As if it was a game between the two. They enjoyed it sometimes, but when it came to serious matters, they would drop everything and try to understand each other, no secrets or coyness involved.

How does the Inquisitor feel about facing Corypheus for the last time? Do they feel confident? Do they believe they will survive the encounter? How do they cope with the possibility of failure?

Her heart hurts. She panics. She believes she can do this, she knows she can’t use her magic, she can’t show it, but her magic is flowing through her stronger than ever before. Her magic seemed alive and desperate to be revealed and unleashed again. She was tempted to unleash it and beat Corypheus, but she knew she could do this on her own strength. She feels a bit confident, but she is shaking when she goes to spend time with Cullen the night before facing Corypheus for the last time. It ends with private time alone (hehe know what I mean ;)), and she does everything to show how much she loves him. She holds onto him as tight as she can, as if he’ll disappear if she doesn’t hold on tight. She makes him feel as much pleasure as she can make him feel, whispers her love confessions to him, and gives everything she can to him. She loves him. She loves him. And she feels so happy when he does the same. He loves her. He loves her. And that night is the night she reveals herself to him, knowing she needs to let him know just in case she doesn’t make it...

How do they react to Solas’ disappearance?

Worried. She’s always worried for her friends and family. She was interested in Solas and everythint he taught her, so she considered him her friend. She liked his company and the way he sorta comforted her sometimes, so she was definitely worried. She sent out many orders to search for Solas, refusing to give up on him. Needing to find out what happen.

Now onto the people >:))).

Who does the Inquisitor prefer to have in their party? Why?

She likes Cassandra the most. She likes Cassandras voice a lot. She doesn’t know why but it just sounds beautiful to her, even if she mainly hears it with curse words or shouting, but it’s beautiful to her😌. Plus, she likes seeing Cassandra be kind to people who need it. She believes going with her is sort of teaching Cassandra to breach out and to show how people are suffering on every side. And she likes making Cassandra smile whenever she can, since Cassandra wasn’t one to smile or laugh.

What is the Inquisitor’s first impression of Leliana?

She finds her very interesting. She was used to being like a spy, but she saw how serious Leliana was and was in awe of her talent. She was still a little naive at the time and trusted Leliana with everything in her since Cassandra trusted her and how Leliana did stop Cassandra from basically attacking Elle in the dungeon👀. And eventually when she manages to soften Leliana, she loves how Leliana is hopeful and she agrees with her hopes and dreams. She’s happy she knows Leliana :))).

What is the Inquisitor’s first impression of Cullen?

First impression AND their development sorta is included.

She felt safe and was interested in him as well. In a different way from Leliana though... And as she fell for him, she felt love for the first time since she ran from home, and when she learned about how he quit Lyrium she felt a lot pride in her. Like, she was proud of him and supported him with all of her heart. And when she learned how he was suffering, her heart dropped so hard. She had seen this before. Her father was suffering like he was, dreams being terrible, and knowing that want to go back on it. She didn’t get it as a kid, but as she grew up she understood how dangerous quitting Lyrium was and she couldn’t let someone else she loves dearly die. She would NOT let it happen. Not again. She’s older. She can do this. She tells him not to take it and she watches him like Cassandra does. Checking in on him everyday and always making sure he’s telling her the truth. And sometimes she just flirts with him to take his mind off of it :))). It works and he feels so happy when she’s around him. Even if it’s in the war room...he just loves seeing her.

The same goes for everyone else. She treats them with kindness, loves their specific traits (Serahs prank, Cassandras true kindness, Morrigan interest in Elven lore, Solas’s knowledge, and everyone’s desire to save the world). This is it for Elle but this only scratches the surface of everything I’ve thought about her >:))). I love the idea of someone having a terrible past, misunderstood, and being afraid to show themself, but still also showing their true intentions and emotions. I love this baby and want to talk about her more but not sure how?? I guess I’ll figure it out. Anyways yeah, Julien is next >:))).

#long post #da #da:i #dai #dragon age #dragon age inquisition #dragon age: inquisition #my writing #I love Elle so much. Idk why shes so thought out. I chose human and champion ONCE GUYS!! ONCE!! Always usually an elf and a mage and #I was like ‘Hmmm—I got a sad sad Idea’#and thus Elle having a tragic background (theres still a lot in her background) and hiding her true self out of fear and self-hatred.#I love her and she deserves happiness and loves Cullen with her whole heart and loved when he hugged her when she got back from defeating #Corypheus. I just—I LOVE HER ALRIGHT!! Hope y’all love her too and will ask me more things about her. Honestly anything because I love her #and wanna explain her background. Whether from asks or my own posts. Guess we’ll find out when I finish these questionnaires-

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 3 years

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Hi again! Honestly, I kind of love your meta about the Cullens with and without Edward as a framing device. They're so delightfully fucked up. What do you think the Cullens like about each other? Like, do Jasper and Rosalie ever just share a commiserating glance when Edward is getting particularly judge-y? Does Carlisle ever tell Rose how proud he is that her self-control is That Good? Do Emmett and Esme hang out, does she appreciate how light-hearted he is? Like - other than their "mates" do you think the Cullens are super close? What do you think it would take to get them there/what's the ideal "family" dynamic?

Thank you, and for reference, Edward's thoughts on the family.

All the Cullens about all the other Cullens? Well, this will certainly be a large post. I guess we'll tackle this one at a time and then get into what an ideal "family" dynamic even is (especially for vampires).

Let's buckle in friends.

Alice

By far, Alice is closest to Edward.

When she first sees him, she runs to him and embraces him as a brother. Throughout the series, Alice and Edward are the ones that share a close bond with each other, rely upon one another, and hold each other in the highest esteem.

Much of this comes from their respective gifts.

Per their gifts, they unwillingly invade the privacy of everyone close in their lives. More, it's something that forces them to see the world differently beyond even Jasper (who is also gifted). They have a strong sense of kinship with one another.

Bella is important to Alice not only because Alice sees her as a friend but because she is the one who will make Edward happiest. And that means quite a bit to Alice.

Otherwise, Alice isn't that close to any of the others.

Bella comes in slot number two in Alice's esteem and that's very telling, because Alice treats Bella like her life-sized Barbie doll and makes it clear on a number of occasions that she's more than willing to risk Bella's life for the sake of Edward's happiness without a hint of remorse.

Then there's the rest of them.

People, to Alice, are a bit like pawns in a chess game. Part of this is because of her gift, she sees so many futures that it's very easy for her to dehumanize those around her. The people she's closest to aren't people, but a collection of possible choices, and Alice helps guide those choices to the ones she finds preferable.

And preferable, here, is preferable to Alice. Oh, it might work out for everyone else, and Alice will tell you she looks out for the future of everyone over all, but ultimately because everyone else is just a collection of choices it's what happens to Alice that matters.

Alice is with Jasper because a vision told her to be, nothing more, nothing less. Every interaction they have just emphasizes that they are nothing together, not even a real emotional bond.

The others don't even seem to share a connection with Alice at all. She's in their lives, is this perky kind of fun girl, but that's it. They barely know her as she seems to barely know them.

Alice is with the Cullens not for the Cullens themselves but because visions have guided her to be there as the best future for her. Oh, she treats them like family, but I imagine she'd be the same with anyone else had visions dictated a different path.

As for why the Cullens, they're large and very talented, and Carlisle is one of the few vampires in such a large coven who would not use Alice's gift as a means of war or expansion. It's really the safest place for Alice to be, and why she'll likely do everything in her power to keep the coven together.

Carlisle

Despite Edward's, Edwardness, Carlisle is incredibly fond of Edward and does see him as something of a son. He's also very devoted to his marriage to Esme, despite its unseen flaws. And he seems to be very close with Rosalie, easily seeing her as a daughter and acting much like a paternal figure to her throughout the series.

He doesn't seem as close with Emmett, Jasper, and Alice. This is in part because Emmett doesn't really reach out to him the way the others do, Jasper keeps very much to himself, and Alice is Alice.

However, he's very fond of the Cullens as a whole and looks on each of them highly, even if they don't really deserve it all the time. He would be devestated were the coven to fall apart.

Emmett

Emmett's closest is with Rosalie, for obvious reasons, but even they have a pretty dysfunctional relationship. What Emmett appreciates most about Rosalie is her beauty, when it comes to her personality, he openly admits he's not the largest fan (but what are you going to do, it's the wife, amirite?)

Otherwise, he's a very amiable guy and gets along well enough with everyone, but doesn't seem particularly close to any of them. He wrestles with Jasper and seems to engage in the most 'fun' activities with him, but Jasper is a very haunted soul with a difficult past that Emmett doesn't touch with a ten foot pole.

Emmett tries to bond with Edward, but they just don't understand one another. Especially as Edward seems to go increasingly mad when he decides he's in love with Bella Swan, Emmett doesn't know what to do with that one at all.

Emmett never embraces the whole Esme and Carlisle as his parents thing, and to him it's likely a hilarious joke, but otherwise he doesn't bond with either of them too much.

So, when you get down to it, it's pretty much just Rose.

Esme

Esme adores the family, and by the family I mean Edward. Edward is far and away Esme's favorite child, really the only Cullen I'd say Esme considers her child, and she makes no pretense otherwise and openly says as much.

That said, if you asked her, it would be about the family unit as a whole. And she would be devastated if the Cullens fell apart on her, though not as much if one of the fringe members left vs. Edward leaving.

Otherwise, there's Carlisle, who she adores as her husband. Though they, too, have significant issues. Specifically, neither of them truly knows who it is they married and one day they will find that out. Personally, I think Carlisle ranks far less in Esme's priorities than Edward, in part because he doesn't need her quite so badly, and also because in a way he just is Husband to her and little else.

I think she has very little connection with Jasper and Alice specifically, as they came in so late and in a way are so self contained. Emmett I think amuses her, but he's not really a "child" per se. Rosalie's closest, but as Rosalie doesn't need her as a mother I think that puts a wedge between them.

I also think that Rosalie and Esme wouldn't really understand each other. Despite having lived through similar experiences as humans, they are very different women from one another. I just don't see the bond there.

Jasper

Jasper seems to be the eternal outsider in the family. Edward despises him, but more, I think he doesn't quite know where to fit in with these people. He came from such a different from world than each of them and lived a very different life.

We see him wrestling with Emmett, so there's a bond of friendship there, but I never saw it as a particularly deep one. They'll wrestle, play games, but they never have the hard and difficult conversations in life.

He and Alice have their relationship, but there doesn't seem to be anything really holding them together. The conversations they need to have don't happen, and Alice manipulates his life like a piece on a chessboard, and he consents because he has no trust left in himself at all.

We see Jasper despair to Carlisle in Breaking Dawn that Bella, a newborn, has better control than him but this seems to be an extreme moment for him. It doesn't seem like he and Carlisle are talking often even if, perhaps, they should if only to gain more perspective from one another.

Jasper didn't come to the coven for Alice, nor is that solely the reason he stays, but he very much is an outsider and the one who doesn't quite fit in with the rest of them.

Rosalie

Rosalie is very invested in the family itself. She loves these people, even the ones that aren't so hot on her.

Yes, she wishes she and Alice had an actual relationship, and is pissed off when Alice blows her off for Edward's human girlfriend of all things. Yes, she wishes that she and Edward could get along, but she sees him as the brother you sometimes have a rocky relationship with.

Point being, to her, they are very much a family and she strives to keep them together.

As for who she's actually close to, I'd say it's Emmett and Carlisle. Her relationship with Edward is tense at best and antagonistic at worst. She and Alice have virtually know relationship at all, Jasper keeps to himself, and we don't see her really connecting with Esme.

On the other hand, in terms of her education (pursuing all she can and especially getting her medical degree), her strict adherence to the diet, she seems to emulate Carlisle in all that she does. He's very much a father figure to her and someone she wishes to be like.

So, I do think Carlisle tells Rosalie he's proud of her and she beams up at him. That one I do very much see happening.

Emmett is her rock, the man who keeps her steady and pulled her out of misery, who loves her near unconditionally. For the wrong reasons, perhaps, but time will tell if that relationship works out for them.

Summing it Up

The Cullens are actually fairly disjointed. They may look like a single cohesive unit, and they are in a sense, but if you look closer they divide down into cliques and subgroups quite easily. Not one of them is equally close to all other Cullens, and most of them are strangers to at least one of them.

This perhaps isn't surprising, given I think the coven is ultimately doomed, but it lays the foundations as for why it's doomed. Edward tells us this himself, what holds them together (vs. other smaller covens) is the diet. Edward, of course, didn't mean it like this, but to me that spells a very tenuous bond. One that, with not much of a catalyst, will break.

And I don't think they're going to get to the point where they reach that family ideal.

First, they'd have to truly understand each other, and understanding Edward would break the coven. So that's not going good places.

More though, they're such different people who ultimately do not share common ideals. They don't want the same things in life and certainly not for the same reasons, and because of that they're not going to be incredibly close to every other person in the coven. And that's fine, they don't have to be.

To be honest, I'm not sure the family dynamic is something they should strive for. They already, mostly, care about one another deeply and do live together. Why should they emulate human families?

The place where it falls apart on them is that half of them don't know who the other is, they all think they have different values than they actually do, and Edward is Edward.

And there's no getting around Edward being Edward.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #the cullens #anti the cullens #carlisle cullen #rosalie hale #esme cullen #alice cullen #anti alice cullen #jasper whitlock #emmett cullen #edward cullen #anti edward cullen #meta #headcanon #opinion #cheerynoir

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therealvinelle · 3 years

Note

in the “everyone is in love with Bella” scenario, what about the wolves? Wouldn’t it be really fucked up for Sam to fall in love with her? Would it make the wolves try to redefine imprinting? how would Leah react to the whole situation?

Anon is referring to this post. For the record, I didn't get into them in the post because the plot would veer so far off-course in Twilight that Edward never leaves and Victoria never becomes a threat to Bella, meaning Bella and Jake don't get close and she doesn't need their protection.

But, let's do this.

First encounter

Bella arrives in Forks, and Billy and Jacob are there to hand over the pickup.

Boom.

They fall in love.

Jacob, having never had a real crush before nevermind something so powerful as falling in love, is overwhelmed by these new feelings. He blushes and flushes and stutters, and fails to say anything reasonable or even intelligble to Bella. Too mortified to function, he decides to hide in La Push until the embarrassment fades. Which very well could be never.

Billy, meanwhile, is unable to cope. He just fell in love with Charlie's daughter. Charlie's 17-year-old daughter who used to make mud cakes with Billy's daughters.

This is bad.

This, to a good man like Billy, is unforgivably bad.

He goes from being Charlie's best friend to suddenly being very distant, not wanting to ever cross paths with Bella again.

But, you asked about the wolves, not just Jake and Billy, so let's take this scenario further.

Bella's friends, all of whom are hopelessly in love with her, drag her to La Push

Jessica, Lauren, Mike, Angela, Tyler, Eric, Ben, the whole gang, they're all going to La Push for the weekend.

And it just won't be the same without Bella. She's just so great, you know?

Everyone looks at each other and nods. Yeah, it's just not fun without Bella. Bella's great, someone should invite her.

They all invite her, one by one, all of them with wide, adoring eyes. "It would be so amazing if you came, Bella," Jessica says dreamily, twirling a lock of Bella's hair around her fingers. "Your hair is really pretty," she giggles.

Angela and Ben are each blushing too hard to really say anything to Bella, so they end up running away from her. Bella is left feeling like some kind of freak. She later receives two notes in class, one from each, begging her in cramped writing to come to La Push. Yeah, not helping her feel like less of a freak.

Mike, Eric, Tyler, and Lauren all corner her, each worse than the last.

By the end of the schoolday Bella doesn't know what's going to happen at La Push but she does know that she doesn't want to go.

She complains about this to the Cullens (remember, her and Edward became an item much earlier in this timeline), and they all fawn and coo over her and act like she just went through a warzone. If she wants to go to the beach, she could try Isle Esme Bella. Would she like that, an island vacation? Or an island?

Bella is pulled out of school for a romantic two-week totally-not-a-honeymoon.

La Push never happens.

But surely Bella and the wolves must meet at some point

Billy catches wind that Bella Swan is dating Edward Cullen. As in, the girl he has fallen so deeply in love with is now being preyed upon by a blood-sucking demon.

Billy's own sense of propriety or honor be damned, he has to save this girl's life.

He tries to speak to her, just as in canon, but just as in canon this goes poorly. Bella is a savvy 17-year-old who doesn't need no warning, and besides, the Cullens are all so sweet. They're like hobbits, really, obviously she's not in any danger. She tells Billy as much. Vampires are lovely, does he know they gave her an island?

(Billy did not know this, and yes, that's weird. Doesn't mean they're not evil, though.)

Billy gets nowhere with his would-be intervention.

Time to bring in the big guns.

Sam phases around this time, and imprints on Emily. Break-ups with Leah, maulings, and tragic lovestories all around are had.

It is around this time that Billy brings Sam up to speed on the Bella situation, although leaving out the part where he's hopelessly in love with the girl because that would not be received well. Could Sam go speak with her about this, see if maybe she will take his warning seriously? The situation is dire.

Sure, Sam can do that. No one wants a human girl to get eaten or turned, after all.

Sam goes to see Bella.

And promptly falls in love just as he did Emily.

Emily, who is currently in the hospital from Sam mauling her, which happened specifically because Sam had imprinted.

It's official, Sam thinks, he's the greatest scumbag there ever was.

The Emily and Leah situation was awful enough as it was, breaking all three of their hearts and causing irreparable damage both physically and mentally. Sam wronged them both colossaly, and he can never amend that.

But he imprinted. He wasn't just being a douchebag, actual magic made him do it.

Now, though...

Either Sam imprinted on multiple people, in which case his happy ending is now polygamy. And how would that be a happy ending for Emily and Bella?

Or, possibly even more terrifying yet, he didn't imprint on either woman.

Breaking up with Leah, mauling Emily, making Emily fall in love with him after that and ruining her relationship with her cousin, in short putting these women through hell, all of it- it was for nothing. Sam's just a horndog who sees supernatural intervention where there's really just hormones.

Why couldn't he just have imprinted on Leah?

Sam can't go on a sabbatical to figure this out, his tribe needs him. So he takes to living in the woods alone, where he is alone, to try and figure this out.

But it gets more painful yet, because he can't just disappear on Emily.

So, he tells her. He owes her that much. And it's not goodbye forever, either, just- goodbye until he can figure out how to be the man she deserves. A man anybody deserves, really, because right now Sam's not it.

Emily has no idea what to make of any of this, but she knows her heart is broken.

She has to see this woman all of this is about.

Naturally, she falls in love as well.

The plot thickens

The next time Sam drops by, Emily gives him the news. They're both in love with Bella now.

Sam no longer knows what to make of anything.

Is the universe trying to tell them to form a polycule?

Nothing like that has ever happened before, but not much is known about imprinting. There's a first time for everything..?

At this point they're both giving themselves headaches trying to figure this out. It's a mess.

More, Bella hasn't even met either of them. Sam and Emily can't just walk up to her and say "Hi, be our wife".

Or can they?

If Emily fell in love at first sight, maybe it'll work in reverse. Maybe Bella just has to look upon them, and she'll fall in love.

Sam is dubious, but at this point let's just do this. Let's just do this, see what happens.

They walk up to Charlie's to deliver some of Harry's fish fry. Bella opens the door.

"HIIIII" Emily says, trying to act normal.

Sam's not saying anything.

"Hi," Bella says back, nonplussed, and looks at the bag Emily is clutching with white-knuckled fists.

All three of them are silent.

Bella is starting to wonder if there's something with the town water supply. She is also wondering if these people are planning to say anything, or if they just really enjoy knocking on doors and saying hi to people. Is there something Bella should be doing?

Eventually she clears er throat and asks if there's anything she can do for them.

Sam and Emily glance at each other. Bella's not looking starstruck with love, but she's not acting normal either. Who stands in a doorway and stares at people for almost a minute before talking?

It's inconclusive.

Emily hands over the fish fry. "From Harry," she says, and introduces herself.

Bella nods, remembering Charlie's friend who all but ran out of the door when he saw her and hasn't been fishing with Charlie since. None of Charlie's friends have. Charlie is going nuts. Maybe she should try hooking him up with Carlisle, vampires are lovely, they'd get along so well.

Bella, noting Emily and Sam aren't saying anything else, says bye and moves to close the door.

"Wait!" Sam yells, at the same time as Emily rips a piece of paper from her pocket, and sticks it into Bella's hand.

Bella looks down on it. It's two phone numbers.

She looks back up at Sam and Emily, who by now feel quite certain that this girl hasn't fallen in love with them and that this is the most humiliating moment of both their lives.

Just in case, though...

"Call us," Emily says flirtatiously, winks, and runs away.

Sam follows.

Bella never calls them back, and they never speak of this again.

A few months later, Leah who’d been shopping in Forks happily tells Sam and Emily that she's fallen in love with a girl, she lives in Forks, she's amazing, her name is Bella Swan.

"I took one look at her, and I knew," Leah says dreamily.

#sam uley #leah clearwater #emily young #billy black #jacob black #bella swan #twilight #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #twilight quileutes #twilight shapeshifters

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valwentinefics · 3 years

Note

Read your recent about the bubbly reader and Edward and was wondering if you could expand that and write about the reader finding out Edward is a vampire?

A/n: Thanks for the request, sorry it took a bit I was putting my focus on my Zemo fics since they’re more in demand! Still love Twilight though. I’m not sure how much I like this but I hope you do!

One day at a time - Edward Cullen x F!Reader

Warnings: Swearing

Edward wasn’t sure how to do this, it was eating him alive. He didn’t want to put Y/n in danger by letting her in on the family secret but it was nearing one year together and she was starting to plan a life together. She had to find out eventually, and Edward knew he couldn’t stall any longer if he wanted it to go smoothly. There was a nagging feeling in his mind, one he couldn’t shake, the fear of having to leave her like he had with Bella. Edward always wished he was a human, but now he wished he was even more than before. He wanted to have a life with Y/n without the thirst piercing his throat every time they were together, without the fear of losing control or running away. He wanted a life of warmth, flesh, and blood with her and a child born of those three things.

It was a cool afternoon when Edward decided to reveal himself to Y/n. The cloudy weather was going to dissipate soon, but the weather gave him enough time to get somewhere secluded before then. If Edward had the ability to sweat he would have been as he pulled up to Y/n’s house, knocking on the door, his nerves getting the best of him. Y/n opened the door with a smile, alone for the day.

“Hey Edward, I’m almost ready, let me just grab a sweater.” She smiled, standing there in a t-shirt and shorts. If there was one thing he learned about Y/n it was that she severely underestimated the cold, assuming that just because the sun was coming out that it would be a warm summer's day, and every time without fail she was freezing, but she didn’t complain.

Edward held up the thick shearling lined jean jacket he had bought for her. Him and Alice stood in the store mulling over the jackets for an hour. She had been insisting he got something more stylish than comfortable, but Edward, protective as always, insisted on something warm and durable. The jacket he held was the middle ground they had eventually decided on.

“Thank you so much! What would I do without you?” Y/n laughed, tossing on the jacket. He could tell by her thoughts and body language that she liked it, snuggling into it.

“Freeze to death.” He replied with a smile that made Y/n swoon. With other’s he hated how they reacted to simple things like that, but with Y/n he loved how he could ‘dazzle her’ as Bella had called it.

The two headed to his car and he held open his door for her to get in before getting in the drivers side and gripping the wheel tightly, unsure if this was the right thing to do. Was it right to drag another human into his life? To possibly ruin her like he had with Bella? What if she was endangered because of him? Edward’s doubts swarmed his mind but he pushed them back, determined to share this part of him with Y/n. She deserved to know the monster she was dating.

The hike to the clearing was slow but on schedule. Every so often Y/n would pause to show Edward a frog or point out a bug. It was cute, her fascination with nature and care for every living thing. Edward wanted to live in this moment, where she was babbling about some plant while fearlessly hopping on every rock she saw. It was nice, happy, but he knew things would change once she found out about his true nature.

“Edward it’s beautiful!” She had run ahead, looking at the clearing which was all grass except for a single willow tree in the center. He had deemed it the perfect place, somewhere he could show her without fear of anyone seeing and aesthetically pleasing enough to make her happy before his reveal.

Y/n grabbed Edward’s cold and hand pulled him to the tree. She had grown accustomed to his cold skin after he lied about having poor circulation. That was another reason he was doing this, he was tired of the lies. She deserved nothing but the truth and a man who would give her it.

Edward watched adoringly as she flopped down, gesturing for him to sit down with her but he stayed standing, the sun was about to come out from its spot behind the clouds. “Y/n… I haven’t been entirely truthful with you.” He said as he began to unbutton his shirt.

“Do you have a secret tattoo?” She asked, leaning forward, ruining the suspense he had been building. “I’m chill with tattoos, I’m not sure if I’d ever get one, but they’re cool.”

“What?” Edward paused for a moment, wondering where that thought had come from. “No, no, nothing like that.” He finished unbuttoning his shirt and backed into the sunlight, seeing the astonishment on Y/n’s face as he began to shimmer under the sun’s rays.

“Holy shit…” Y/n approached him, running her hand across his marble-like skin. “That’s not glitter… what’s going on?”

“Y/n… I’m a vampire, and I can read your mind.” He said hesitantly, worried about her reaction. Normally she was so fearless, would she turn and run away from him? The thought killed him.

Y/n gently swatted his arm. “I don’t think it’s April 1st just yet Edward.”

“I can prove it! Right now you’re thinking about how cold you are, you’re wondering how I’m sparkling, and you want to get something from Tims on our way home.” He said, saying her thoughts out loud.

Y/n backed away just the slightest, Edward’s heart hurt at the thought of her fearing him. “How did you… Holy shit…” She sat down on the plush grass, Edward following suit and sitting across from her. Her mind was running wild, thoughts flickering thought it so fast Edward could hardly focus on a single one but what he did pick up was confusion and worry for him, not fear.

“I’m considered a vegetarian amongst vampires, my whole family is. We’ve sworn off human blood and only hunt animals. I want you to know that I could never and would never harm you.” He said, holding Y/n’s hand in his own, giving her a sincere look. She kept the shocked look on her face as she stared at the ground, trying to comprehend this. She was being oddly quiet and Edward was beginning to be the scared one,

“I’m sorry I’m not saying much I don’t mean to be rude, but this is just so much, I thought vampires were just scary stories.” She said apologetically. “I know you would never hurt me, that was never a thought of mine.”

“I tell you I’m a vampire and you’re worried about being rude?” Edward let out a small chuckle, earning a pointed look from Y/n. “I know this is a lot and if you don’t want to be with me then consider me gone, I just couldn’t bear to keep hiding this from you.”

“It is a lot… but I’d never want you to leave me. It’ll take a lot of getting used to, but we can get through this together right? One day at a time.”

Edward nodded, a relieved smile slipping onto his pale face. “One day at a time…”

#edward cullen x reader #edward cullen #twilight x reader #twilight #twilight renaissance #twilight saga

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justcallmenikki7 · 3 years

Text

BTS Reaction To: Boyfriend Moments

Twilight!Au & Imprint!Au

Hyung Line

Summary: cute moments with your protective, goofy, werewolf boyfriend

Warnings: twilight/imprint!, mates, cutesie shit, badboy!hobi, protective hyung lines, sassy seokjin, jin roasting a girl, sad?insecure?reader?, namjoon’s part is pretty emotional and the reader is depressed/distressed? I don’t know how to explain it. min yoongi being whipped for read. I think implied d/s relationship for both yoongi and hobi’s part. Oh, hobi being whipped 10000000%%%

W.C.: 2.17 k

Notes: I don’t know why namjoon’s turned emotional but it did, I guess I wanted to show the emotional side/connection that the imprint bond brings in the relationship. Also, in this on yoongi’s and hobi’s part, I tried to dabble in the d/s theme a little bit… I hope that is okay? I’m trying to expand my writing a little bit!!

Kim Seokjin:

Too be honest, and you are saying this with all of your heart, your boyfriend, or imprint, is one of the most extra person ever.

And also, one of the sassiest person, or werewolf (besides Jungkook and Taehyung), ever.

It is very entertaining though, especially when someone pushes his buttons when it comes to cooking, sense of humor, or and most especially, you. When someone, especially women with no boundaries, he is defending you until his death. There are times when certain, rude, women try to flirt with Seokjin (because have you seen the man?), and they purposely try and act that you are not even there. So, Seokjin, being himself, brings you into the conversation.

And that is one the one thing that you love about the man, he makes sure and puts his paw down by showing you off to that woman.

An example would be right now.

The pack and the imprints are at the local bar, or night club, and are enjoying the Friday night that Namjoon had allowed due to the victory of defeating the newborn packs with the Cullen’s. Everyone is dancing with their imprint and are having a blast, but you and Seokjin are relaxing at the bar, not feeling the dancing spirit like everyone else is. You are cozied up into Seokjin’s side, loving the protectiveness and warmth that only wolves and their imprints get with one another. It is very peaceful and nice, especially with the two young ones making a scene by dancing like idiots and having dance offs with one another. The looks that both of their imprints are making to one another is having you giggling, the look of embarrassment that is mixed with adoration warms your heart.

“Well, you look lonely,” a woman’s voice purred, knocking you out of your thoughts.

Shifting in your boyfriend’s embrace, the first that you see is a older woman, who in your opinion is beautiful, is ogling your boyfriend, clearly ignoring his hold on your waist (which is now gripping it).

“I’m clearly not,” Seokjin commented, his tone is as if he is talking to a peasant. “If you have not noticed, I am with my lady,” Seokjin spoke, making you blush.

“Well, she is not that entertaining since you seem bored. I think I can help you with that boredom,” shocking you to the core due to her insinuation. You cannot believe she just said that with you standing right in front of her.

Seokjin right away sensed your discomfort and down mood, knowing that you want to speak up but cannot due to your anxiety. Sighing, “It is a shame that some women do not follow the girl code…” he began, “But also have, you need to realize that throwing yourself at someone does not look good on you, sweetheart, desperate does not suit you.” And with that, Seokjin grabbed your hand, pulling you towards the other end of the bar, “Come on, love, let’s go someplace else.”

You still think that you do not deserve Seokjin, and as if hearing your thoughts, Seokjin squeezed your hand a little harder, and pressed a kiss to your forehead. And that is all of the confirmation and comfort that you needed.

Min Yoongi:

Some people found it very adorable on the dynamic that you and Min Yoongi, your imprint and werewolf boyfriend, had. It was never a bad view on your relationship, in fact, it was the best view that you believe people had on it.

To the outside world, Min Yoongi was the cold, reserved, grumpy, or in Stiles Stilinkie’s term, “sour wolf,” person. The reason why people viewed this is because they can never see the adoring smile that he held for you out in public, but you can see it and the pack can see it. Yes, it may look like a blank face, but only those who know him can see the twitch at the corner of his lips and the head-over-heels look in his eyes.

“Please?” You whined, pouting at your boyfriend in the candy store at the mall, wanting to get some more snacks.

“No.” Your boyfriend grunted out, trying to not fall into the trap of giving into your adorable puppy (lol) eyes.

Stomping your foot, earning a look from your boyfriend, “But why?” You asked in a cute, whiny, tone that made Yoongi melt along with his wolf.

But, not liking the stomping of the foot that you made, he gave you a daring look. “Don’t stomp your foot at me, princess.”

Looking down at your feet, you slumped your shoulders, realizing that you were not able to get candy because of the orthodontist explaining that you have been having too many sweets, especially with your braces, and that you need to cut back on them. But! In your defense, you have another four months that you will not see them, so you can start cutting back on next Monday! Knowing that your boyfriend is very protective and always is very concerned for your well-being, he takes these kinds of things very seriously – even having a nightly flossing schedule that you both do every night.

Hearing the defeated sigh that held sadness with it, both Yoongi and his wolf can not and will not stand the thought of knowing how devastated you are. Sighing himself, Yoongi wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest and pressed several kisses that earned your giggle, a sound that brought joy to him and his wolf. “You can have a little bit of candy, but this should last you several weeks because we cannot have you sick off of candy and running around like a hyper bunny.” Yoongi bargained, a bargain that you agreed to and happily chose the candy that you wanted.

Yoongi only forgot that a little to you is three bags of candy – he just could not be mad.

Jung Hoseok:

One thing that the pack was for sure about when it came to Hoseok whenever you were not near him, was that he was constantly texting you. Now, this did not upset them at all, in fact, they were happy to see their hot headed, angry, but caring pack member happy. When you and Hoseok first met, they knew that it was going to be a long journey of finding your guys meeting points. But, the whole time it was worth it because they got to see their brother become a better person and a happier person.

Anyways, Hoseok was currently texting you, a small smile on his face, but a serious expression apparent. Everyone was out at the beach, a bonfire put on by the maknae line, wanting a fun Saturday night. You were showing up with your cousin, inviting her with you to the groups hangout since she was in town for the next few days. You felt your phone buzzing with texts from your boyfriend, the feeling of your heart doing flips with just the thought of your lover. Pulling out your phone, you smiled at the message.

Hobi: when will you be here? I miss youuu

Smiling at the sentiment, the one thing that Hoseok will ever show you and not anyone else. He only acts like a whiny puppy with you, always wanting to keep his cool front on in front of everyone else. But you have began to notice that he has started to let his walls come down in front of his pack.

You: almost there! I cant wait to see you!!

When you and your cousin showed up at the bonfire, the first thing that your cousin noticed was that the man who had a stony expression and a powerful aura surrounding him that screamed danger stood up from the chair, making their way to you. She could see the way your body lit up, smile shining so brightly that it made her smile also. The look of love and adoration was what surprised her when she saw it shine on the males face.

Ah, that is the Hoseok that you were talking about.

When Hoseok reached you, he brought you into a short, but sweet kiss. The both of you did not want to pull away, but having respect and liking to keep that part of your life to yourselves anyways. Hoseok wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side protectively before realizing that he has yet to meet the cousin you have been talking about for the past week.

“Oh!” You gasped, bringing Hoseok’s attention solely to you (as if it was not already on you). “Hobi! This is my cousin, Linda! She’s the one I’ve been telling you about! Linda! This is Hoseok, my boyfriend!” You introduced the two happily.

Linda could see the smile that was brought onto Hoseok’s face so easily, jealousy slightly burning at that. She wished for something like you and Hoseok, especially from everything that you had told her about. She knew that Hoseok took great care of you.

“It is nice to meet you, Hoseok.” Linda spoke kindly, smiling at him.

Nodding his head, a kind small smile on his face. “You too, miss.”

“Let’s get food! Linda! Come, come!” You made sure to not leave your cousin alone since she is new here. “Hobi! We forgot an extra chair. Is there one that we can borrow for Linda?”

Not giving it another thought, Hoseok leant down and kissed your forehead before taking off to find a chair. As if on a mission to find gold, Linda watched your boyfriend search for a chair, realizing that you, his girlfriend, did not realize how your boyfriend would fight through hell if it meant to make you happy.

You truly are the luckiest girl, ever.

Kim Namjoon:

If there is one thing that Namjoon is for sure about, it is knowing you like the back of his hand. Now, he is not saying this just to say it, he is saying it because it is true. Ever since he met you at the farmer’s market, accidentally bumping into you, he has observed you every minute that he is with you. He knows your little quirks, your dislikes and likes, wants, and your favorite terms. He knows that you hate burning hot chocolate milk, so he makes sure it has cool down just enough to still be warm, but cool enough to where you have to blown on it to where it is not burning your tongue.

Another thing that he knows is that you have moments where you are completely down. It is as if a switch got switched off, making you completely emotionally vulnerable, the one thing that you are needing is comfort and his attention – but you hate asking for help. You are completely stubborn, hating to ask for comfort and his time because you know that he is busy with the pack. But, what you do know is that Namjoon knows when these times happen. They happen once you are completely happy, having no worries in the world, but once you get home, you shut down because you believe that you do not deserve happiness. Why? Because in your past, every time you had a good day, or feel happy, and something snatches it from you. Something like a text from a friend that sounds mad, but you know in the back of your head that you cannot read emotions over text. Or, your mother snapping at you for something that was out of reach. It has, and Namjoon knows that this will always happen, but that is okay, because he knows you and he loves you.

So, once you opened the door from a night out with your friends, Namjoon can sense the sudden wave of sadness from you. He could feel it once you left the bar, a imprint bond perk that he loves so he knows what to do, and he could feel your distress from a mile away. The distress being your questioning of whether or not you deserve happiness. And as you are taking off your heels, Namjoon comes up behind you, helping you take them off by kneeling down and unzipping them for you.

You stare down at your boyfriend with tears forming in your eyes, suddenly crying, but Namjoon this from your heartbeat beating a little faster. Standing up, Namjoon wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into him, the both of you relaxing at the touch of one another. Breaking down, you clutched onto him tightly, fearing that he will disappear on you.

“I don’t know what happened, everything was perfect and I had a good time—” you were cut off by your sobs, face nuzzling into his neck, the familiar sent of him helping you calm down.

“I know baby, I know. It is okay, I’m here, I’m not leaving beautiful.” He promised, kissing you the side of your head. “You’re okay, you’re okay.”

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lis-likes-fics · 3 years

Text

Intoxicated

Pairing: Carlisle Cullen x Reader Word Count: 7,877 words. JFC. I know, I know Warnings: Alcohol use, drug use, accidental overdose, and a lot of angst. Author’s Note: Okay.... I know. I got a little bit carried away again. Bite me. This is part two of Concussed. I’m super happy with it.

~~~~~

Y/N sighed as she stepped out of her car. Carlisle gave it to her after the accident, her car had exploded after the wreck. She didn't think Jacob would be able to fix that.

She just came back from her day at work at the Carver Café. She'd already graduated and decided to get a job for the money, but mostly just to keep her busy during the day when Carlisle was at work.

She locked the car and walked up to her door, digging in her bag for her keys while moving a strand of hair from her face. When her hands wrapped around the keys, she unlocked her door and walked inside, kicking off her shoes while closing the door behind her.

She set her bag on the table, picking up her phone to call Carlisle after her long day of work. The phone rang a few times as she waited, taking the dollar bills and loose change from her bag and moving it to her money jars.

When the phone didn't pick up, she furrowed her brow and called again. He never missed a call.

When the phone didn't pick up the second time, she started to get worried. She walked to her kitchen, stopping at the door as she looked at the counter. There was a paper, a letter.

She eyed it, wondering what the letter could have said. She saw the flawless signature at the bottom, Carlisle.

Why didn't he call or tell her in person?

She picked up the note and read it carefully:

"My dearest, Y/N,

There are no words to express the gratitude I feel in my heart because our hearts have come to dwell together as one. You are my life, my heart, my soul. You are my one true love. The day we met was fate. You are my destiny. I love you more today than I did yesterday, and I will love you more tomorrow than I do today. Loving you is the only thing that makes my life worth living now.

I love you and I always will until my existence may come to an end. I want to hold you in my arms and tell you how much I love you and how much you really mean to me.

You gave me comfort and confidence where there was doubt. I want to be there when you need to talk. I want to be the comfort for your soul. I want to love you in the way you deserve to be loved. I need you to be a part of my life. All the things that I told you about how I felt and how you make me feel were true.

But I can't be here for you without putting you in danger. You are my love, my life, my heart, my soul, and my everything. If I were to be the reason you get hurt, or worse, I would never be able to forgive myself.

So my family and I are leaving. In time, I hope you are able to move on and find someone who makes you feel whole, who makes you feel better than I ever could. You are a strong woman, so you don't need me. I know that you have the strength to pull through this so you can live a full, happy, and safe life.

I'm sorry for any pain I have ever caused you, I'm sorry for any pain I may cause you. I love you, and I will always love you.

Goodbye, my love.

Forever yours, Carlisle."

Her brain worked to process the letter, trying to let the words sink in. When they did, they hit her hard. It was worse than the car crash, the pain sinking into her body, followed by a cry.

Her legs came out from under her, unable to hold her up and support her. Tears sprang to her eyes and were instantly free falling. A strangled cry left her throat and she dropped the note.

Her head was buried in her legs. She didn't know how long she was there crying. The pain blinded and deafened her. All she could hear was his voice repeating "We're leaving."

Her whole being hurt, she felt her heart being torn in two.

He called her strong. He said she would be able to move on, in time.

He must have not realized just how self-destructive she was. He had become her life and he was leaving her. How could she move on from that?

"I don't want to lose you." Those were the words he told her that same night. Why was he leaving her without those words hanging in the air?

Why would he leave her?

Months had passed. Y/N was a wreck. She attempted going to the Cullen's house to see if it was some sick joke, but she could bring herself to go. She couldn't face the emptiness of that place.

She tried to check up on Bella, but she decided against it. Her mental health was crumbling, she would never be able to help Bella.

Y/N focused on work at the diner. Everyone noticed how lifeless she had become in such a short period of time. She was visibly deteriorating.

When she wasn't at the diner working herself to death, taking double shifts, triple shifts, quadruple shifts to keep her distracted, she was at her home with a bottle of something strong.

Since she lived next to the Chief, she was one of the people in town who people usually knew. Charlie had some sort of guardian responsibility over her after her grandfather died, people knew her.

Because of this, she had to drive all the way to Port Angeles to get her bottles of sweet drunkenness. The longer she was sober, the longer she had to deal with thinking of him.

She didn't want to think of him. Thinking of him meant thinking of him leaving her. Which led to some eternal outlet that would lead to the end of her existence.

She didn't like thinking of him.

If he would just come back to her, she would finally be okay. All she needed was for him to come back.

But that would never happen. He left, he's gone.

Y/N plopped down on her couch, a glass in her hand and a bottle sitting on the table for her refill. She searched through the TV to find something to watch. There had to be something to distract her, something to watch drunk. She knew better after learning from her mistake the first time she got drunk with the door unlocked and her keys in hand.

It was a long day of waiting for her bus back home. She had no idea how she wound up in Montana, but she did.

There was a knock on her door and she groaned loudly, hiding the alcohol in the cabinet under the kitchen sink, putting the jug of dish soap in front of it.

There was another knock on the door and she spoke in the clearest voice she could manage, "I'm coming."

She sighed and grabbed a bottle of water and a mint before opening the door. Bella stood on the other side, bags under her eyes from her lack of sleep and that spark she used to hold gone. Y/N was surprised to see her out of her house or school, she wasn't really active these days.

"Hey, Y/N. Sorry to come over like this," she said, looking at her.

Y/N shook her head, "No problem. Come in."

"Thanks," Bella mumbled as she walked into the house. Y/N scratched her head before closing the door, seeing Bella standing awkwardly in the world.

"Please, sit down," she told her, having a seat herself on her couch.

Bella took the offer, sitting in the chair next to the couch. Y/N asked hesitantly, "How are you holding up?"

Bella chuckled humorlessly, "I don't really want to talk about that."

"Yeah," Y/N muttered, "Me, neither." She stood with a sigh, headed to the kitchen to get a snack or something. "How are your nightmares?" Y/N asked, tripping slightly when she got to the threshold of the kitchen. She muttered a curse word under her breath.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked, concerned about the slip up. Y/N nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine." Despite her best efforts, the slight slur in her tone had managed to escape as she grabbed a bag of chips and poured it in a bowl, taking it back to the living room.

She sat back down on the couch and Bella nodded strangely, "My nightmares are…just the same as they usually are."

Y/N sighed, "Yeah, Charlie tells me sometimes. Says he's wearied- worried about you. Wants me to try and help but… if it's anything like me… I won't be able to."

Bella furrowed her brows, looking at her closer. Bella blinked and shook her head, "Y/N, are you...drunk?"

Y/N looked at her, shaking her head quickly, "What? No! No, I'm not-I'm not drunk. I'm fine… I'm perfectly…completely…fine."

She looked down at a small dog figurine on the table to distract her before looking up to meet Bella's gaze. Tears began to make their way to her eyes, one managing to slip as her lip quivered slightly. She sighed and nodded slowly, "Yeah. I'm… a mess."

She couldn't stop the tears now, so she opted to ignore them. A downside to her being drunk was the spontaneous decision to either be void of emotion or ambushed with it. She always either ended up crying herself to sleep or staying up almost all night long before passing out with an hour of sleep under her belt.

She wiped a tear away, "I don't know what to do. Sobriety makes me think of him and I don't want to do that…"

Bella understood, nodding her slowly as she turned away, her own eyes filling with tears as she sympathized her pain with her own.

"I don't have anyone. My parents are dead, my grandfather is dead. I don't have any other family and I'm here alone," Y/N shook her head, sniffling and turning away from Bella completely.

Bella was always easy to talk to. She didn't judge, she didn't criticize. She would sit and listen and just be there, as a friend should.

Bella nodded, "For what it's worth, you'll always have Charlie and me."

Y/N took in those words. Charlie was always right next door when she needed him, no matter how little that was. He was there, his door was always open. Bella knew the same things Y/N did, so they could empathize with each other. They'd become somewhat family to her.

She just wished she could have her life back. He left with that.

"Thanks, Bells," Y/N told her gently. She looked around her house before her eyes landed on Bella again as she wiped her face, "Uh, can we keep this under wrap? No one in town knows and I want to keep it that way."

Bella nodded, "Won't tell a soul."

"Thanks."

For quite a while that night, the two allowed each other company and open ears. It was nice to have someone who knew, someone who knew.

No one else knew about her relationship with him. She was just out of high school, it would be strange if they got together when he was supposed to be in his late twenties to early thirties, at least to the humans.

Y/N fell asleep sometime after Bella had. It was late and they were both tired, Y/N especially.

When Bella started screaming in her sleep, Y/N bolted up quickly, easing her awake and telling her she was dreaming. Bella apologized heavily and Y/N told her not to worry. She found herself having nightmares of her own some nights.

Bella went back home after she'd woken up and Y/N poured herself a glass before trying to catch sleep of her own.

She went to her bed after cleaning up and was able to pass out from exhaustion. When she dreamt, she couldn't tell how much she wanted to.

Her dreams were the same for months.

"Y/N," her name was called by a voice she never thought she would hear again. She looked around in search of the angelic voice she had missed so much, "Where are you?"

She ran, searching frantically. She couldn't find him, he wasn't anywhere in reach. All she could hear was her name being whispered, as if carried in the wind.

"Where are you? Please!" She called, desperate to see her love again. She needed him, she couldn't go on without him.

"Please! Carlisle, come back!" She called, the name falling off her lips like both honey and poison. She couldn't tell which one. It was a bittersweet taste that drove her mad to think about.

"Please!" She cried, "I need you!"

"Y/N," his voice was closer now. She turned to see him, afraid that, if she wasted time, he would be gone again.

Her breath caught in her throat, but she didn't feel any different. When she saw his face, it was somehow paler than it normally was. His eyes were dark and tired, his hair was a mess. She stared at him in shock.

She reached a hand out to touch him. But just as her hand touched his cheek, he was gone.

"No, Carlisle!" She yelled, panting as she woke in a cold sweat. Tears covered her face and sweat covered her body.

She bent over and sobbed, her face buried in her knees as she let out the pain she was feeling that curled in her chest like a snake coiled around its prey. Pain filled her head as her headache ripped through her with a vengeance from both the drunkenness and the tears.

It was hard to breathe through her tears when everything hurt so much. It felt like she was being ripped open from the inside. Saying his name out loud only brought back to memories she worked so hard to drown out with alcohol.

Her eyes were red and puffy from crying so much. Her throat hurt from sobbing. She stood and headed downstairs, pushing past her bottles of dish soap to grab the alcohol bottle waiting for her.

She wished he would just come back to her. She wished he would bring back her heart, be with her again so she could stop hurting. Y/N just wanted him back.

Weeks past since this, she was no better. No one thought she would be. She dragged herself to her kitchen for a drink and something to eat.

Her hands grabbed at air as she dug through the cabinet under the sink and she sighed heavily. Y/N turned regrettably, her last bottle was in the trash. She'd finished it last night.

Y/N groaned loudly and stood, replacing her drink with water. She checked her phone, she had the day off of work. So no work to distract herself.

She knew she would be heading out of town today, so she made a checklist of things she would need.

Dinner. She needed food, her fridge was empty. She worked so late that she forgot to go to the store. She sniffed and sighed, she'd go later on today.

She also needed to do her laundry before it piled up. She would do that first and head into the city when that was finished.

The day was long and sober. She couldn't escape her own thoughts as she was left thinking of him with every move.

She hadn't seen Bella lately. All she knew was that she was hanging out on the reservation quite a lot with Jacob. She wondered if that's where she was right now. She especially hadn't seen Bella in the past couple of days.

Y/N would have joined her on the Rez with Jacob, but she thought it best not to. Bella needed this. She seemed better with Jacob around.

When the clothes were folded and put away and the laundry was all done, she headed out. She was running out of tolerance with sobriety.

The drive was about an hour as she came up on the grocery store. After the quick run, she went to the liquor store she always visited for her drinks.

"Ran out again?" The clerk asked as he checked her. She nodded, "Yep, I'm glad you've got me."

"Always do," he chuckled lightly before she paid and left. She went to her car, her bags on her arms as she sighed heavily.

"Psst," she turned around and saw a woman leaning against the side of the building. The woman gave a smile and asked, "Is the liquor satisfying you?"

She raised a brow and just stared back at the woman. She shrugged lightly, "I can give you something stronger. I've seen you around here a couple times a month, for the past six."

Y/N sighed, "I don't want what you're selling. I'm sad, not suicidal."

She laughed, "This stuff won't kill you, it'll just make you feel good. First time I tried it, I had a good time doing it. It'll make you feel real happy."

Y/N bit her lip and thought for a moment. She actually thought about it. She promised herself she wouldn't do anything worse than liquor, but even the liquor was losing its touch. She sighed, "What is it?"

"Just the happy stuff, give it a special name and you get cops on your back. It's nothing you need a needle for, if that's what you're worried about."

That was good. She hated needles. She bit down on her lip before asking, "Normally, it's two hundred."

Y/N's eyes widened slightly. The woman smirked, "But I'll make it one if I can have the best thing you got in there." She motioned to her bag and Y/N thought some more.

She nodded and grabbed her wallet, taking out the two fifties she had. She thought about it a little more, this was a big decision.

But she was too far gone to care. She sighed and handed it over, along with her best bottle, "Here."

The woman smiled and dug in her bag, pulling out a tiny baggy that held a large pill. Y/N grabbed it and put it in her pocket before turning to leave before she made any more big mistakes.

"Have fun," she said as she popped open the bottle.

Y/N got in her car and drove back home. Quickly unloading her food and liquor, she put everything up. She locked the door behind her as usual, grabbing a bottle and pouring herself a couple glasses.

She had completely forgotten about the pill in her pocket until she changed into short shorts and a t-shirt, the baggy falling out of the pocket.

She looked down at the pill, putting a little more thought into it. Unfortunately, it was hard to think. She was already drunk, she got better at downing her liquor with each cup.

But that's why she bought it, wasn't it?

She picked up the pill and sighed, putting it on her tongue and swallowing it, following it with liquor.

The pill worked quickly. At first, she could see how the pill made you feel "happy". She was dancing around her house, tripping over things and enjoying herself.

Then her pulse sped up and she felt nauseous, but she couldn't feel herself puking. Nothing was coming up, she only had the feeling.

When her energy went down dramatically, so did her pulse. She bumped into the table in the living room and tripped slightly.

She got back to her feet, her vision blurry. She was sweating like crazy and she felt horrible. Then she tripped behind the couch, her head fuzzy and her body numb.

Her mouth started foaming a little, her vision fading in and out. She didn't know when she passed out, but she did. She kept coming back to consciousness, but it was hard to feel. Her body hurt, but she couldn't move.

The door opened at some point as her eyes opened lazily. She couldn't see anything, she still had foam coming out of her mouth. It tasted disgusting.

She tried to make a sound or move, but she couldn't. She heard the footsteps but her eyes closed again and she faded out.

The door swung open and his eyes widened as he saw Y/N laying behind the couch, foaming at the mouth.

"Y/N!" He exclaimed, kneeling beside her as he tried to listen closely to her heartbeat. It was slow, too slow. If he could cry, he would have.

He placed his cool hand on her cheek, "Y/N, love, wake up. Please."

He looked up and rushed to her bathroom, searching through her cabinet in search of something to use. When he found the activated charcoal, he sighed in relief and snatched it.

He paused when she saw the antidepressants sitting next to it. It was mostly untouched, it didn't seem like it'd been used in months. She'd given up on them.

He frowned and swallowed hard before heading back downstairs to her. He opened her mouth and put one of the pills in her mouth, following it with water to get her to swallow it.

"Come on," he muttered to himself, "Swallow it. Please, take it."

She managed a small noise as she tried to mumble, but her lips barely moved. When he saw her swallow the pill, he nodded and sat her up against his chest.

"Come on," he said, "You'll be okay. It's okay." He picked her up and set her on the couch, her head propped up on a pillow. "You'll be okay," he told her, his face was pained as he watched her.

He stayed with her, giving her a little bit of water at a time after wiping her mouth of the foam and sweat.

He could hear her heartbeat return to normal, the sweat died down and he laid a blanket over her. He sighed with much relief as she slept. He couldn't believe what he'd seen. This wasn't supposed to happen.

He looked around the house, the house he'd missed walking into. He saw the bottle of liquor and the cup on the table and frowned.

He turned to the kitchen, the fridge had food in it, but it wasn't as full as it needed to be. He sniffed the air and bent down in front of the sink, opening the cabinet to see the fresh bottles hiding behind the soap.

He sighed again, wiping his face before glancing back at her sleeping on the couch. He wandered around the home, trying to see what all was different. He went back to the bathroom to put the charcoal pills back in it. He picked up the bottle of antidepressants, looking at the date written on it.

It was sometime after he'd left.

After a while, he'd heard her scrambling downstairs, followed by a retching sound as she puked. He rushed downstairs to her, taking her hair in his hands to move it out of the way.

She jumped slightly at the touch but was too caught up in throwing up. When she was finished, she collapsed on the floor next to the trash, wiping her face.

He knelt in front of her, not sure if he should offer her a smile or a sad look. He gave her a sad smile to even it out.

Y/N blinked at him and muttered quietly, she was in shock and disbelief, saying his name still hurt. This was some illusion, he wasn't coming back.

"Carlisle?" She spoke, her voice wavering as she ready had tears welling in her eyes at saying the name and seeing him.

"Y/N," Carlisle sighed, reaching his hands out to touch her, "What happened to you? Why would yo-"

She cut him off, standing up as she flinched away from him. She thought him coming back would make everything better. She thought she would throw herself into his arms and tell him how much she missed him.

But she was just pissed.

"What the hell?!" She yelled, moving away from him, her eyes burning in anger.

Carlisle watched her, silently getting back to his feet. She stared at him, her eyes brimming with tears, her voice wavering drastically.

"You leave me here alone and then show up after six months with no explanation? I thought you were never coming back! I spent weeks trying to convince myself that you would return and then it turned into months and I lost all hope of ever seeing you again," she sobbed.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, "I was trying to keep you sa-"

"Keep me safe?" She scoffed, "That's not an excuse, Carlisle. I wish it was, but it isn't." She shook her head and another round of sobs left her, shaking through her violently.

Carlisle hated seeing her cry like this, he hated seeing her so broken. This wasn't supposed to happen.

"You left me here alone. I didn't think you would ever come back. I thought I meant nothing to you."

He tried again, "Y/N-"

"I'm not finished," she told her. She hadn't raised her voice, she had strained it by crying and she knew she wouldn't have to raise it to stop him. He would listen to her.

"I thought you loved me. That's what you told me," she shook her head before allowing herself to look up at him.

"I do love you," Carlisle told her quickly. He couldn't bear the thought of her not knowing that he loved her.

"Then why did you leave?" The room fell silent as she stared him down. He looked away from her, he couldn't take the look in her eyes as she stared at him. They were heartbroken, beaten, she looked hopeless and broken. She continued, "You could have brought me with you, or just stayed. You hurt me, Carlisle. You were supposed to protect me, but I needed protection from myself and you weren't here to give it."

She fell silent and Carlisle hesitated to look up at her, but he did. She was still staring at her feet, tears dropped from her eyes as her lip quivered uncontrollably. Something in him made him move closer to him, his arms out for a hug. He just wanted to calm her, to help her, to wrap his arms around her to tell her that he was here and would never leave her again.

But he couldn't.

"Don't touch me!" She exclaimed, holding her arms around herself. She looked back down at her feet with blurry vision.

Carlisle's eyes held grief, pain, and sorrow. He didn't like seeing her like this. This wasn't supposed to happen.

Y/N sighed heavily and went to her couch, sitting down and pouring a glass of scotch. Carlisle was by her side in a split second, his hand grabbing the bottle and pulling it from her grip.

"You shouldn't be putting this stuff in your body, you almost just died because of it. You've polluted your blood, it smells different," he told her gently.

Y/N didn't look at him, she stated at her glass and sighed, "You... get no say… in what I choose to put in my body."

Without looking at him, she grabbed the bottle again and poured her drink, bringing the glass to her lips and taking a sip. He looked away from her, unable to watch her do this to herself. Or rather what he did to her.

As she drank the liquid, it burned down her throat. She expected it to calm her nerves as it always had, but she only grew self-conscious. Having him see her like this, down at her lowest low as she downed a glass of alcohol, she felt unclean and poisoned. She felt invaluable and dirty. She felt like she had lost all of her importance sitting next to him so hopelessly.

She set her glass down soundlessly, standing up from her spot on the couch to get to the fridge. She opened it and grabbed a bottle of water, hoping it would help to cleanse some of that feeling out of her.

But it didn't. Sure, the water was refreshing, but it didn't help.

Carlisle spoke into the silence, eyes glued to a picture hanging on the wall where she was smiling brightly with her late grandfather. She looked so happy in that picture, a vast contrast to how she looked now.

"I spent every day wishing I was with you. I wanted to come home but I didn't think it was safe. I thought I was putting you in danger simply by being here," Carlisle admitted sadly. His honey smooth voice was clear but anything was calm. It was sad. If he was capable of it, it would have broken multiple times throughout his words.

She sunk down to her knees as he spoke, she didn't want to look back up at him as he spoke, her head against the wall. She didn't look over. "You put me in danger by not being here…" she said softly, "I thought I lost the one I loved the most. It hurt. It especially hurt thinking that the one I loved the most didn't love me." Her voice cracked at the end.

He turned to her, but she did not turn to meet his gaze. It hurt too much to look at him. "I do love you. In all my years, I've never loved like I do with you. You're my everything. I never meant to hurt you."

"All you had to do was stay," she shook her head as she spoke, still refusing to look up at him. She brought her legs in front of her and tucked them to her chest, setting her chin on her arms.

The room fell back into uncomfortable silence. She stared at the cabinet filled with liquor in disgust, thinking back to the pill she took earlier that night. How could she be so stupid?

She swallowed hard as she felt another lump in her throat, more tears threatening to spill. Carlisle licked his lips and closed his eyes, "All I wanted to do was help people. I dedicated my whole existence to doing just that. Then I find someone as special as you and hurt the person I wanted to protect the most."

Carlisle was gone in the next second. He'd left so quickly, there was no sound from the door opening or closing behind him. She saw lights flash outside her window as he started his car, pulling out of the driveway and leaving her alone in her house.

Y/N's face scrunched as tears left her. They streamed down her face, her eyes puffing once again and her body shook. She thought over their conversation in her head. She was too hard on him, she knew that. She should have accepted him and let him make everything okay.

But she didn't, she pushed him away. Even after he just saved her life…again.

"Carlisle," she said. She hadn't spoken his name in months, it hurt too much to say. But after seeing him again, knowing he was real, after all. It was so good to say his name again, it was a release she didn't know she needed. She repeated his name through her sobs, like playing a broken record. It felt so good.

She didn't know how long she was crying. She grabbed the scotch bottle off the table and began to bring it to her lips before stopping. She sighed and looked at the bottle. She shook her head, turning to the sink and pouring it down the drain.

There was a small part of her that was screaming at her to stop, to think about what she was doing, but that part was too small against this new need, this old and new desire in her body.

This desire to make it up to Carlisle.

She couldn't go on the way she was, she knew it wasn't healthy from the start, but she didn't care because it was a distraction, it made her feel somewhat good.

But she was going to do her best to be worthy of his love again. Hopefully, getting rid of the pollutant, the poison she'd been giving herself would make up for an inkling of the harm she inflicted upon him.

She didn't care that he hurt her now that she had hurt him. She just needed to make it up, and she would spend the rest of her life doing that.

She grabbed every bottle she had, pouring it down the sink. With each drop down, she felt unsure of herself. Would she be able to stick it out? This was what she used to cope, this was what she had been using for strength these several months.

Her instincts tried to make her stop what she was doing, but she needed to change her instincts. She needed to get them back to how they were. She needed to be strong for Carlisle.

When the liquor was gone, she closed her eyes and sighed. She felt this strange freedom, this strange pride in her being. She was proud of herself, but only a little bit. It wasn't enough to make her crack any type of smile.

She threw all the liquor bottles in the trash, getting rid of her demon. When she was finished, it was roughly five in the morning. She was practically dead on her feet.

She had terrible sleep over the past couple of weeks, it was so bad that she resulted in not sleeping at all in the past few days.

She was really dizzy and she felt herself swaying, struggling to keep her on her feet. Normally, she would just down a glass of liquor and keep running on that. But seeing as she had just disposed of every single drop she had, that wasn't an option.

Another reason for being so tired? She neglected her body of the water she needed to survive. She was extremely dehydrated.

In short, her body was barely holding on to what little life it held.

She shook her head and declared herself awake, headed to the door to go to Carlisle. She needed to see him. She needed to be with him and reassure him that they would be okay. They had to be okay. She couldn't lose him twice.

However, she didn't make it past the couch before she collapsed, falling to the floor as she passed out instantly.

She might as well start getting used to being woken by people because she collapsed on the floor. Bella was waking her up anxiously, Charlie by her side-- he was probably the one who got the locked door open. Both Charlie and Carlisle had a key.

"Y/N, wake up!" She exclaimed. Y/N's eyes opened slowly and she saw the two hovering over her, fear written across their faces. They relaxed a little when she opened her eyes fully and slowly sat up. She had a pounding headache, though.

"What happened, kid?" Charlie asked, helping her sit up.

Y/N laughed humorlessly, "I guess I was so tired I passed out." She was dizzy as she looked around the room. She struggled to her feet, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge to try and soothe herself.

When her vision settled and she wasn't seeing four Swans in her house, she sighed. Charlie looked over at the trash can filled with liquor bottles.

"What is this?" He asked, eyeing her with a hint of disappointment.

She spoke quickly, "I wasn't drinking any." She thought with the speed of a vampire. She'd spent so much time with the Cullens, she'd picked up on their ability to lie so quickly, "I saw them near the house just laying there, I think someone dumped them, so I threw them away. I passed out because I got tired and dehydrated from so much work at the diner."

He nodded and thought about her answer. It was a legitimate answer to him. He's known this girl her whole life, she wouldn't drink that much, especially at 19. But, in her defense, she would be twenty soon.

He nodded and told her, "Just…be careful, you scared me, kid."

She gave him a reassuring look, forcing a smile, "I will, Chief."

He nodded to her again and looked between her and his daughter before turning to leave them alone, it looked like they had something to talk about.

When he was gone and well out of earshot, Bella rushed to her quickly, "Are you insane? Edward told me what you did. Overdose, really?!"

Y/N sighed, "It was an accident. I was getting… really bad… and someone offered and I was too far gone. It was one pill but I was drunk and it didn't go well… He found me and helped me. We argued and I'm just… I'm trying to fix it."

She watched her as she spoke, she believed every word she said. Y/N was in no position to lie to her at the moment. Bella sighed, "Get some sleep first, at least. I know I can't tell you what to do but you fainted, so I think we can both agree that you need to sleep before you turn into ash or something."

Y/N sighed and agreed to at least that. She knew she needed sleep before she passed out while driving to the Cullen's and really died.

She got in the shower to soothe her body and release some of the tension in her muscles. She'd been so stressed lately and last night with seeing Carlisle for the first time in over six months, arguing with him, and almost dying (technically almost dying twice), she needed a healthy outlet.

After the long shower, she was able to get herself to drift into sleep. After seeing Carlisle again, her nightmares calmed down and allowed her a dreamless sleep. It was nice to have sleep, she hadn't gotten much of it in a long time.

After getting healthy sleep, even if it was only three hours, sleep was sleep, she quickly ate to calm her growling stomach.

She was grabbing her keys when her phone rang. She sighed and turned to pick it up, "Hello?"

"Y/N, I'm glad you're okay. Charlie told me what happened," Billy’s voice said on the other end.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Didn't mean to worry anybody," she told him. She internally sighed. Word spread quick around Forks, she would be surprised if the whole town called to ask if she was okay. But she would rather answer that many phone calls in one day.

Billy wasn't the last to call either. As soon as the call ended, the phone rang again as another person contacted Y/N to make sure she was alright.

What a great town this was to show their concern for her.

At the wrong times.

By the fifth call, she decided to just email all of the people she knew would be calling who hadn't called yet. She wrote the email, reassuring everyone that she was A-OK and didn't need any help. That seemed to shut up the phone and she was able to leave.

She groaned loudly when she looked at the time again. It was already late as it struck five in the evening.

She waited a few more minutes to make sure the phone didn't ring again before getting in her car. During the car ride, she kept herself hydrated, learning from her mistake. She wasn't too keen on fainting from lack of hydration or sleep.

She sped down the familiar path to the Cullen House. She wanted to get there quickly, she had wasted enough time with her mundane activities. She needed to see him.

When she came through the trees and pulled into the Cullen's driveway, she got out before the keys were even out of the ignition. Y/N walked up to the house, seeing Carlisle standing in a window. He saw her and, even from where she was standing, she could see something in eyes when he met hers.

She swallowed hard and held her arms out in front of her, a proposal. He zoomed out of the window and out of the house. He wasted no time in wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his chest.

She instantly broke down again, she was getting tired of crying. Her arms held him to her, never letting go. She was so afraid that if she left go of him, she'd lose him all over again. She couldn't go through that twice.

Even if it wasn't the same as before, it was still her scent Carlisle breathed in as he hugged her tight, careful not to crush her. Everyone else must have been out hunting if they hadn't shown up by now.

Y/N let out a sharp breath before sucking another back in, sobbing into Carlisle's chest. He felt good. He felt like home. She was home.

She let out a breathy laugh and sniffled, letting him hold her to him. It was as if all of their troubles had washed away so that this moment was the most special of all.

Y/N pulled her head out of the crook of his neck just so she could kiss him. She missed him more than anything, she missed his hugs, his kisses, his words of love. This was perfect.

They were wrapped up in their moment, wrapped up in each other. It felt so amazing to have their lives back. They were home again.

She breathed deeply, holding the breath in as her lips moved in sync with her mate's. She then let the breath out in a moan, but she was too focused on the moment to let the sound embarrass her. She wrapped her arms tighter around him.

He pulled away enough to speak, still so close that he spoke against her lips, "I'm so sorry for what I've done to you."

She shook her head, "Stay." She didn't care about what happened, she cared about what can happen.

He smiled, "I will." It was her turn to bring him back into the kiss, kissing him deeply and passionately. It had been too long since she felt his touch.

When her mind came back to her drinking briefly as she spoke into his lip, "I'm quitting."

"Good," he smiled, once again kissing her. They weren't going to waste any time to be near each other, touch each other, love each other.

When the kiss slowed, she took a deep breath in, his scent filling her senses. She missed his scent. She opened her eyes to stare in his, they were beautiful, honey gold, sparkling as he gazed at her. She missed those eyes. She expected them to be darker like they were last night, but they were just as golden as the sun.

She smiled, her first genuine smile in months. He smiled back at her, captivated by her. Their foreheads were still pressed together and they swayed slightly, reveling in each other.

Y/N spoke, intoxicated by him, "I love you." Her words were a whisper, a breath that delivered the sweetest of air.

Carlisle beamed down at her, a light laugh escaping his throat as he gazed at her, his face looking like he was going to cry while his eyes stayed clear of any tears. "I love you," he told her sincerely. The only thing they could think of doing after the heartwarming confession was to kiss each other again.

He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, moaning again at the feel of his body against hers. She felt amazing with him.

He set her on the hood of her car and continued to kiss her, mumbling against her lips, "I'm going to marry you one day."

She smiled, "What's keeping you back?"

"Absolutely nothing," he told her genuinely.

They stayed like that, just kissing each other's pain away the best they could. There was no way they could ever leave each other's sides. After the ordeal they just went through, they could never.

He told her in that soft, smooth voice she missed with all her being, "I will never leave you again. No matter what, I will always be right here with you. I love you."

"I know," she replied just as gently, "I love you. You're the best thing that will ever happen to me. I love you so much."

The confessions were falling freely, leaving their lips faster than they could think. "After all this time, I still can't believe I'm yours. I can't imagine my life without you now, Carlisle. I obviously wouldn't last. If you hadn't stepped in, I'd be dead. Here I am, only living and breathing because you were here to care for me."

"I don't want to lose you, Y/N," he told her that same thing the first time they kissed. They held so much gravity then and they only seem to hold more now, "I don't know how I'd survive without you now. You're my life now and I will never let you go ever again. I promise you."

They thought they were going to be there forever confessing their feelings over and over again, drinking each other in with each kiss. They knew that they would eventually have to go inside and spare the others.

They went inside and eventually everyone came back from their hunting trip. They expressed how good it was to have her around again and how much they missed her. After a talk with Alice about how Carlisle knew she was in trouble, she went up to Carlisle's room with her hand grasped tightly in his.

There was a bed in his room that he had bought specifically for her so she could fall asleep in his arms. They were talking quietly with each other for a while before she finally fell asleep in his embrace.

He promised her that he would never ways protect her and that he would never leave her again, he promised that he loved her deeply, that he would always love her and he would always be here. He kissed her forehead, "Goodnight, my darling. I love you."

She smiled in her sleep, holding him tighter as she allowed her dreams to run wild. It was the best sleep she'd had in what felt like forever as she held tightly to him, never once letting him go as she slept.

Carlisle could have sworn she heard her mumble his name in her sleep and he smiled, breathing in deeply to enjoy her presence.

She muttered to herself, lost in her dreams of him, "I love you, Carlisle…"

#twilight #twilight fanfiction #twilight x you #carlisle cullen x reader #carlisle cullen x you #carlisle cullen #carlisle cullen x fem!reader #cullen #female reader #cullen x female reader

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little-diable · 4 years

Text

Witches brew - Jasper Hale (fluff)

Request by anon: Hi!! So I know it's pretty short notice so no pressure especially if it's not something u wanna write but it's my birthday tomorrow!! So I was wondering if it was possible for you to do a jasper imagine where like the reader is his mate and shes a witch and they meet when shes out collecting herbs, and hes out with friends or well family and she knows what they are right away but isn't scared and it's just super cute and reader is a smart ass and sassy. Sorry that's so long and messy thank you!!

Happy Birthday lovely anon!! Maybe a few of you are lotr fans and will notice something... Enjoy my loves. xxx

(y/gm/n)= your grandmothers name

A few stars were dancing across the night sky as (y/n) made her way through the forest, mind set on a specific place, a place where she was sure, that she’d find whatever she was looking for. (Y/n) was too focused on her task, to feel the little thorns that were molesting her legs, not noticing the way a bit of blood was oozing out of the wounds.

(Y/n) came to a sudden halt, she crouched down in front of the Athelas plant, eyes focused on the blossoms, her hands were moving like they were on autopilot, slowly picking the flowers apart, carefully putting them into different jars. She could still remember her grandmother telling her all bout the plant, the different brews she’d have to mix up, in order to unfold its magic power.

Her grandmother had been a witch, just like (y/n), she had taught her everything she knew by now, told her all about magical creatures and how she’d be able to protect herself, something she was incredibly proud of. (Y/n) missed her grandmother, missed to have somebody to talk to, somebody that would understand what she was struggling with.

The witch was still too focused on the Athelas plant, to notice that somebody, or rather a few somebodies, were nearing. The whole Cullen clan was standing behind (y/n), watching the girl mindlessly looking at the plants, “she’s bleeding”, Alice couldn’t stop herself from speaking up, hands covering her nose, trying to switch her focus away from the heavenly smell.

Alices voice ripped (y/n) out of her state, her head whipped around, eyes finding seven pairs of golden eyes watching her, the pale skin made her realize, who was standing in front of her. Vampires. A smile tugged on (y/n)s lips as she rose to her feet, “you must be the Cullen family.”, she wasn’t a stranger to the towns gossip.

“I’m Carlisle Cullen and that's my family,-”, the blonde haired man took a step forward, hand reached out for her to take, a tight smile on his lips, “-, we are sorry to disturb you. We certainly didn’t expect, to come across somebody, in this part of the forest.”. (Y/n) firmly shook his hand, chuckling as she took in the state his family was currently in, eyes dropping down to the shirt from the bulky looking boy, blood was smeared all across the fabric.

“(Y/n) (Y/l/n). Seems as if I’ve disturbed your hunting session, I’m sorry.”, she bowed down to pick up her basket, eyes wandering across the Cullens shocked expressions. “Well, you should probably clean up a bit nicer, the next time you approach somebody, after you’ve been hunting.”, she pointed her finger towards Emmetts shirt, a smirk on her lips.

“You must be (y/gm/n) granddaughter.”, Carlisle took in her features, he had read all about her family before, about the witches traditions. (Y/n) nodded her head “yes”, eyes finding the golden ones of Jasper, she felt her heart flutter as he smiled at her, a tingling sensation shot through her.

The Cullens had invited her into their home, curious to get to know the witch, witches were rare in this part of the world, something you wouldn’t come across every day. “Would you stop staring at me like I'm some kind of weird animal.”, (y/n) shot Rosalie a glare, already getting annoyed with the way the blonde haired vampire was staring at her, not missing the way Edward and Jasper were smirking at (y/n).

It didn’t take her long to pull most of the Cullens, besides Rosalie, into her charm, they were intrigued by her, especially Jasper, he couldn’t get rid of the feeling, that (y/n) could take on a big role in his life. Carlisle was impressed with her knowledge about herbs and plants, being able to learn a few new things from her, Esme enjoyed to have somebody near, that she could cook for, a massive smile on her lips every time she got to use her kitchen.

Even Jasper and (y/n) got to know each other better over the past weeks, she was just as mesmerized with him. He couldn't stop himself from wanting to be close to her, even if he’d just watch her brew another potion, “come on, it’s your turn.” (y/n) pulled on his hand, trying to ignore the tingling feeling. She began to explain to him, what he should add into the jar, how many times he’d have to stir it, chuckling every time he messed something up.

A groan left him as he managed to mess it up again, “seems as if I’m a hopeless case, darlin’.”, golden eyes finding her (y/e/c) ones, (y/n) grasped his forearm, front pressed against his side, showing him how to stir the potion. She felt her breath hitch in her chest as she realized that he was still looking at her, eyes switching between her eyes and her lips. “You should concentrate on the jar, Jasper.”, (y/n) whispered as she looked into his golden eyes, her stirring came to a halt as he dipped his head down, whispering a small “sorry”, before pressing his cold lips against hers.

(Y/n) had to let go of the spoon, hands grasping his face, trying to pull him even closer. She felt her insides burning, sparks were running up her limbs as he kept on kissing her, enjoying the way she was melting into his touch. By now it was quite obvious to the whole clan, that (y/n) was Jaspers mate, even Rosalie felt happy for her brother, Jasper deserved to have somebody by his side, that would love him till eternity.

#Jasper Hale #jasper hale imagine #jasper whitlock #jasper whitlock imagine #twilight #twilight imagine #the Cullens #Carlisle Cullen #Esme Cullen #Rosalie Hale #Emmett Cullen #Edward Cullen #Jackson Rathbone #jasper hale x reader #Jasper Hale fluff

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justabunchofcrowsinatrenchcoat · 3 years

Text

It took me fifteen years, but I have finally realized the tragedy that is the treatment of Jacob Black in the Twilight Series. Hallelujah, I have seen the light. So here's a one shot of Bella making the RIGHT choice after the newborn battle in Eclipse.

Run to You

"You could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him, you know." (Haymitch, The Hunger Games)

I was exhausted. Worrying about my family and friends being hurt, or dying, trying to protect me was exhausting. Being a weak, defenseless human surrounded by supernatural creatures was exhausting. Constantly wondering when Edward would realize that I wasn't worth all of this trouble and leave (again) was exhausting. Not recognizing the person I had become; a person who was insecure and needy and selfish, was exhausting. And him. Trying to pretend that I wasn't in love with him was the most exhausting. And I didn't want to do it anymore.

I didn't get very far before driving became impossible. I just needed to make it a little bit farther, just get past the treaty line and then I could pull over to the side of the road. I could take a few minutes to pull myself together and everything would be fine. At least that's what I kept telling myself, but it was kind of hard to see how when the road was blurring in front of me. When I couldn't see anymore, I let my tires find the rough shoulder and roll slowly to a stop. My hands shook as I put my truck in park and then quickly, almost instinctively, wrapped around my stomach, as if trying to hold myself together. Well here we are again, a voice in the back of my brain said. How many times could a person's heart be ripped in half before it refused to heal? I slumped over on the seat and allowed the weakness I'd been fighting crush me. It was worse than I thought. Yes, I had been right to hide this. No one should ever see this. Also, I was pretty sure if he had, he never would have let me go.

I wasn't alone for very long - I didn't even jump when I heard the tapping on the window of the truck. I worked to see through the relentless stream of tears obscuring my vision. There was someone standing outside of the truck, peering in through the driver's side window, probably wondering what the problem was. A blurry glimpse of a bare chest and short black hair caused my heart to clench so hard I gasped before realizing that it was just Quil. He must have been on patrol with some of the other wolves and spotted my truck on the side of the road. I pulled myself up off of the seat and fought with the door handle for a second before I was able to get it open.

"Bella?" Quil asked "Are you okay?" He paused. "Right. Stupid question. Obviously you're not okay. Sorry. Um, shit. What can I do? Do you want me to take you to Jake... or some where else...?" he seemed to tack that last part on with some hesitation, but I appreciated the thought.

What did I need? There were so many ways that I could answer that question. Therapy probably. To stop hurting everyone that I cared about, absolutely. The ability to split myself into two different people, so that I could make both Edward and Jacob happy, would be helpful. But there was only one thing that truly mattered at that moment; the reason why I was here, crying on the side of the road.

"Jacob" the name coming out more like a plea than an answer to a question. And once I started I couldn't stop. The sound of "Jacob, Jacob, Jacob." joined the sounds of sobbing and shaky gasping breaths. I couldn't tell if Quil answered me or not, and after a minute of silence I wondered if he was still there. But then I felt an arm slide behind my back and a hand grip my hip before shifting me to the side so that I was sitting in the middle of the truck's seat. Quil slid behind the wheel and pulled me in to tuck against his side before pulling the truck back onto the road. Normally I would have felt at least a little embarrassed about essentially cuddling up to someone I hadn't really spent that much time with, but Quil was warm and I was so cold. I was so tired of being cold.

Jacob

I was laying in bed when I heard the knock at the front door. Well, knock probably wasn't the right word, it sounded more like someone kicking at the door in an attempt at knocking. The weird knocking wasn't the thing that I noticed the most though. Because what was really weird was that I hadn't heard a car pull up out front first, or even the sound of someone walking up the gravel drive to the front porch. Heightened hearing was one of the perks of the whole turning into a giant wolf thing, so I usually knew right away when someone came to the house. Dr. Fang must've really overdone it on the pain meds this time. He still wasn't sure about the dosage because of my higher than average metabolism and seemed to be going with the trial and error method. Although, if I had to pick, I guess a little stoned was better than being in pain. Or physical pain anyway. The drugs were doing absolutely nothing to stop the thoughts running through my head. Well, one thought, really, repeating over and over, like a broken record. Bella, Bella, Bella…

Billy must have let whoever it was in and by the time I had focused on trying to figure out who it was, my bedroom door was being pushed open. Quil stood in the doorway cradling Bella against his chest and for a second I had a flash of a memory. Bella being carried from the woods by Sam. The haunted look in her eyes. The broken sobs. This was entirely too much like that.

"Bella! What the hell happened?! Is she okay?"

"I don't know man. I was out on patrol and saw her truck on the side of the road. I asked her what was wrong but she just kept saying your name over and over, so I brought her here." Quil hesitated like he wasn't sure what he should do now. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to jump up from the bed and get her. But I was still on "bed rest" until the doc could be sure I wouldn't re injure myself. I ground my teeth together and took a deep breath, attempting to remain calm, "Well bring her here." Quil looked relieved to have some direction and he quickly laid her on the bed next to me before leaving the room, closing the door behind him.

As soon as she was on the bed Bella curled into my side, still sobbing. I started to wrap my arms around her before remembering that the entire right side of my body was basically useless. I threw my head back against the mattress, cursing quietly out of frustration. Then settled for bringing my left hand up to start rubbing Bella's shoulder and back. "Shh, its okay. I'm here. What happened?" I had hoped that she'd look up, but when did Bella ever make things easy.

"Bells?" I tried again. Still nothing. This time I kept the cursing confined to inside my head. Or I tried to anyway.

"I'm losing my mind here Bells. You've just gotta talk to me. I'm suck here in this damn bed and I can barely fucking move and you're scaring me and I need to at least know if you're hurt. Did he hurt you?" I worked on trying to slow the tremors moving through my body. The doc would be pissed if I phased now and ruined all of his hard work. Plus Bella was freaking out enough and I had to keep it together for her. I still needed her to at least answer my question though, "Dammit Bella, just tell me what he did to you." Still no answer. She was trying to kill me with stress. That was it. That newborn hadn't finished the job, so she was going to do it. "Bella, I swear to god-"

Finally, she answered me, "He didn't hurt me," except that she could only get about one word out at a time, she was crying so damn hard. I waited for her to continue, to explain it so that I could understand, but she was quiet. Well, besides the crying.

"Okay, good, cause all of the broken bones might have made it difficult for me to kick his ass." I joked, hoping to make her laugh, or get angry, anything really as long as she stopped crying. But the tears kept pouring out of her eyes, soaking my shirt while she pulled in great mouthfuls air.

I sighed, "Bells?"

Bella whispered something against my chest, so quietly that I almost didn't hear her. But I was focused now and it sounded like she said, "They're leaving." It took me a minute to process what she was saying, partially because the pain killers made all of my thoughts sort of fuzzy around the edges. "They're leaving?" I repeated it back to her like a question, "Not 'We're leaving.'?" She just shook her head without picking it up.

"So, the Cullens are leaving. Edward is leaving. And you're not going with them." I said the words slowly, not to cause her pain, even though I'm sure it did, but because I had to be sure that I understood. That I wasn't missing something. That the tiny ray of hope that I felt starting to crawl out of the deep, dark corner of my mind where I had buried it wasn't just me setting myself up to get my heart broken (again). Bella sobbed even harder, her gasping breaths broken up by hiccups, as she nodded her head.

So, I guess the bastard couldn't handle the competition after all. I was surprised, I hadn't expected him to give up that easily. And there was the hope again. But I shoved it back down and tried to focus. Because Bella was still crying and making those ugly, broken sounds and it was my job to make her feel better. "Hey, shhh. It'll be okay, honey." I murmured before pressing my lips to the top of her head. My hand continued to rub up and down her arm and across her back. "I'm sorry. Was he mean to you? I didn't mean for you to have to go through that alone. I was thinking I'd be there. And I'm sorry he left you." Bella had gone still, but when she didn't say anything, I continued. "I mean, I'm not sorry that he's gone, but I'm sorry he hurt you. He's an idiot." And then Bella was crying again and I was failing miserably at the whole, making her feel better is my job, thing. "Shit, sorry honey, I guess that's not what you want to hear right now. But IT IS going to be okay." I stressed, because I needed her to believe me. "It sucks right now, but you've gotten through this before. And you don't have to do it alone. I'm gonna be with you the whole time, whatever it takes. Maybe this time won't be as bad because you kinda know what to expect. And I'll be good, I promise. No pressure. I'll be whatever you need me to be. And it'll be okay."

"Wait, stop," Bella interrupted my rambling. She took a deep breath and looked up at me, "Edward isn't leaving because he's mad at me for loving you. He's leaving because I asked him to. Because I'm in love with you." Her voice was all watery from crying and the tears never really stopped, but those words were still the most wonderful thing I'd ever heard. I couldn't have pushed back the hope now even if I wanted to (not that I did want to). Bella picked me. I hadn't realized until just then how much I had been preparing myself to lose. But she had really picked me. I wanted to kiss her and spin her around my tiny bedroom in circles and just show her how happy she made me. Except this wasn't like those stupid fairytale stories that Rebecca had always tried to read to me when we were kids. You know the ones; boy falls for girl, girl says no, boy is persistent, girl finally says yes, and they live happily ever after. Unless I missed the one where the girl was also in love with another boy at the same time and everyone involved got the hearts broken. Oh and one of the boys was a bloodsucking leech and the other turned into a giant wolf. Actually, there probably was one of those Grimm's fairytales that had something like that. But those didn't usually have happy endings.

No, this definitely was not a fairytale, because his girl was crying over another guy, which didn't seem like a great way to start a "happily ever after" even if it was her decision.

He wanted to talk to Bella about all of this. To figure out what she was thinking and where they would go from here, but Bella had gone back to crying into his chest and she had to be exhausted, so he would wait. He had promised to be good, afterall.

Bella

I don't how long I had been lying there, curled into the crook of Jake's arm, but it must have been a while, because he stirred a little and asked, "Hey honey, sorry, but it's getting late and I didn't know if there was somewhere you needed to be... or someone who was going to be looking for you..." he prompted. I managed to convey, after several attempts, that Charlie thought I was spending the night with Alice and that no one else needed to know where I was. He seemed satisfied with that answer and shifted to make himself more comfortable, while still keeping me tucked firmly against his side. I felt him press a kiss to the top of my head and say, "Then you should get some sleep."

He didn't say anything else after that. Just held me on the bed and let me ruin his shirt, staining it with salt water. Eventually, the sobs quieted, but the tears continued to flow steadily. It took longer than I thought it would for that smaller, broken part of me to cry herself out. It happened, though, and I was eventually exhausted enough to sleep. Unconsciousness did not bring full relief from the pain, just a numbing, dulling ease. It made it more bearable, but it was still there. I was aware of it, even asleep, and that helped me to make the adjustments I needed to make.

The morning brought with it, if not a brighter outlook, at least a measure of control, some acceptance. Instinctively, I knew that the new tear in my heart would always ache. That was just going to be a part of me now. Time would make it easier - that's what everyone always said. But I didn't care if time healed me or not, so long as Edward could be happy again. That's what had been missing the last time; the acceptance. It's what had kept me from moving forward. But this time would be different.

When I woke up, there was no disorientation. I opened my eyes - finally dry - and met his anxious gaze.

"Hey," I said. My voice was hoarse. I cleared my throat. He didn't answer. He watched me, waiting for it to start.

"No, I'm fine," I promised. "That won't happen again." His eyes tightened in concern.

"That's great, Bells, but what exactly was that?" He asked.

I took a deep breath, just because I was prepared for this conversation, didn't mean it wasn't going to be painful.

"The Cullens are leaving." I repeated my answer from last night to make sure he had understood what I had tried to tell him while also breaking down. I could see the question in his eyes, so I answered it. "Yes, Edward is leaving too. And no, I'm not going with them." As I spoke I saw a hundred different emotions flicker in Jacob's eyes. The one that seemed to be winning was hope, but then it was like he caught himself and a neutral expression settled over his features. I hated it, he wasn't My Jacob, when he made that face. But I also knew that in this case, I had no one to blame but myself. My hindsight had become incredibly clear. I could see every mistake I'd made, every bit of harm I'd done, the small things and the big things. Each pain I'd caused Jacob, each wound I'd given Edward, stacked up into neat piles that I could not ignore or deny.

"I'm sorry." I pushed myself up, using my arm to lean on his chest so that I could meet his eyes. "I've made a real mess of things. I know I've caused you a lot of pain. But I finally realized I was wrong all along." At that, Jacob took a startled breath and looked like he was about to say something. I placed a finger against his lips, and he stopped. "Just let me get this out. I don't want there to be any confusion." His brow furrowed a little, but he waited for me to continue.

"I was wrong about the magnets," I explained. "I used to think about you and Edward as magnets; that you two were like opposite magnetic poles. I couldn't push you together no matter how hard I tried. But it was actually the two parts of myself, your Bella and Edward's Bella, that I was trying to force together. But they could not exist together, and I never should have tried." I could see the hope starting to win out in Jacob's eyes as he said quietly, "I knew you'd figure it out eventually." And the corner of his mouth twitched. "But still, you mind telling me how you figured it out?"

"It was the kiss, before the battle," I paused and made an effort to look stern, "which I'm still mad at you for, by the way. Threatening to kill yourself to make me kiss you?" I raised an eyebrow. At least he had the decency to look ashamed.

I didn't have to work to be serious this time, "You will never do that to me again, got it?" Jacob glanced up from beneath his lashes and nodded. That's how I was sure that he knew he had messed up; that and the fact that he didn't try to argue with me at all. I continued, "But that's not the point right now. The point is, that when you kissed me, I saw the whole thing - our whole life. And I want it bad, Jake, I want it all. I want to stay right here and never move. I want to love you and make you happy."

"So what's stopping you?" he whispered.

"I still love him, Jake, and I don't think that'll ever go away. That's not fair to you. There's probably someone out there much better for you." My heart broke a little as I spoke, especially when I considered how much it would hurt now, if he did decide that I wasn't worth all of this trouble.

"No." Jacob shook his head. "I'm exactly right for you, Bella. It would be effortless for us - comfortable, easy as breathing. I'm the natural path your life would have taken...." The corner of his lips twitched, forming a small smile. "If the world was the way it was supposed to be, if there were no monsters and no magic..."

I could see what he saw, and I knew he was right. But I needed to make sure he understood fully. "He's like a drug for me, Jake. When I was with him, he was the only thing that mattered. I was ready to give up my life for him. But it's different with you." The corner of my mouth turned up in a wistful half-smile. "Like having my own personal sun. Not a drug, but air. You're healthier for me. So I'm choosing to have the life I want. I'm choosing to stay with Charlie and my mom. I'm choosing to have the chance to change and grow. I'm choosing to stay human. There's still a lot that we need to talk about and I'm going to need time. But I think you were right before when you said that if we had enough time you could help me be happy again. So I'm going to try. I'm going to try to stay here with you. If you decide you still want me, all things considered."

I only had to wait a second for his answer, and then I only had another second to appreciate the breathtaking smile that split his features, before he pulled me to him and crushed his lips to mine.

#twilight renaissance #twilight #jacob black #team jacob

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a-shakespearean-in-paris · 3 years

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I was in a toxic friendship

I want to preface this by saying I am so much happier right now and I am no longer friends with this person. Haven’t seen or heard from her in over a year. I also want to be clear this was a friendship I had in real life, not tumblr. I think however this story’s lessons can be applicable across the board to online friendships and even relationships with family members. Please, if you ever feel belittled by your “friends,” and you bring it up to them and they brush it aside and think you’re overreacting, it’s not a friendship.

I was friends with this person, let’s call her Stacy, for about ten years before I realized I no longer wanted to speak to her or be her friend. I met her in the ninth grade and we bonded over Disney World and other things and I could talk to her about anything, including this huge crush I had on a twelfth grade boy. She came over to my house sometimes, though not a lot, and as high school wore on we started going to the mall together, stuff like that. I went to college in a different city and she came to visit me sometimes, and we even worked at the same theme park, though different departments. For all intents and purposes this was my best friend, though Stacey got upset when I also called my cousin my best friend, even though she spoke of her sister as her best friend.

She got a boyfriend when we were both around 21/22 or so, I think we were both juniors in college, though she took a semester off because she hated school and thought it was weird I was a double major. She told me her boyfriend was thirty and she met him at work. I thought the age gap was a little big, but I wasn’t one to judge. Later on I found out he was 36 and she told me she lied because she was worried how I would react. I met him and I thought he was nice, but when she got engaged when we were both around 23, I had only met him that one time for a birthday dinner she had, and my mom and dad told me they thought it was kind of strange. They also said it was weird to them whenever I hung out with Stacey it was only for like an hour, two at most, especially since my cousin and I could spend days and day together at sleepovers, chilling and being ourselves, interpretative dancing, lol. Privately I also found it odd I could talk to Stacey about anything, but when I asked questions about her life and her thoughts she’d barely talk. Her grandma passed away, she loved visiting my grandma because she could have one through me. One day I broke down and admitted my grandmother is a narcissist, and she is different behind closed doors. she berates me, used to call me fat, berated me. Stacey didn’t believe me. I can’t say when she started not being such a good presence in my life, but these were some seeds, and it got worse--slow at once and then all at once as they say.

Anyway, I was a bridesmaid of hers and her sister was the maid of honor--a mutual friend was another bridesmaid and there was one more (super sweet girl and I don’t even think Stacy talks with her much anymore either LMAO) and at this point in my life I was really into my first fanfic IWD. I was consumed with it, to put it bluntly. This is another story entirely but I spent so much of my college career as an English major writing for academia, and when I was finally writing something for me, I bloomed. I talked to her about it and she kind of laughed about this Cullen person but she liked to read fanfic herself so was whatever about me doing it. I shared with her my first piece of commissioned art and she laughed at Lydia thinking Lydia was just me, and I told her, no, she wasn’t, she’s based off of several old hollywood ladies and I actually made her avatar in game, but she wouldn’t believe it. I actually ended up saying “would you think this if I were white and she were white as well” and she laughed and didn’t understand. Needless to say the whole incident rubbed me the wrong way. I ignored it. Her wedding happened, her sister made a good speech, then when all the groomsmen did a speech for the groom the other Bridesmaids and I thought we had to do something, so we got up there and made an impromptu speech. I called her my sister and I told her I loved her. I didn’t know it then, but I didn’t believe her when she said “love you too.”

I wanted to go back to school, and I ended up in a Masters program after the wedding. My summer semester, my first, went well, starting in June and ending in July. I finished IWD and went to another fic, Stacey making fun of Sophie, my OC for that fic too, because I just straight up made her part Hawaiian like I am. When I told her I had little representation growing up other than like Lilo and Stitch and now Moana, (which I don’t like TBH but another story lol.) she asked me what the big deal was about that. Why did it matter that no main character ever looked as I looked? I couldn’t explain to her how much writing a character who was like me in a fanfic mattered. We planned on going to Disney World, me, her, her sister, and the other bridesmaid, but don’t post anything on facebook because she didn’t want to invite the other other bridesmaid. I wanted to go to a nightclub with her for my birthday but she didn’t want to go because her sister couldn’t enter, so after my whole family, plus her and her husband ate at my favorite restaurant, she went home even after I begged her to come with my and my cousin. She said it was stupid. Also, her husband was a huge ass to wait staff. Alarm bells went off for all of us.

But I was looking forward to Disney in December that year. (2018) I didn’t have a job at the time but was actively looking. Well, I got a job after interview after interview at restaurants that wouldn’t hire me, my dream job researching Shakespeare. It fell through. (I was promised to actively help the professor research, it fell through.) She paid for the trip without me knowing and I had to pay her back 800 dollars on writing commissions which I severely underpriced. because I was worried no one would pay otherwise. School wasn’t going well. Put it simply I felt really dumb and stupid and like I didn’t belong, (we were reading Ulysses!!!) which I later learned was a common sentiment with my classmates who began the same time as I. I will admit my relationship with academia is rocky at the moment, but I genuinely do love to write, love to research, love to make discoveries about new texts. Stacey saw how stressed I was and sad and got angry I was so sad, and asked why was I in school anyway Am I going to be on my deathbed and wished I studied harder? I didn’t have the energy to tell her it wasn’t about “studying harder,” it was that I loved writing and reading and wanted to be a part of academia. Learning makes me happy, expanding my mind. She belittled me anyway, thinking getting a Masters was dumb and I wouldn’t get a good job.

At Disney World I was so happy. I hadn’t been there since I was a child. She made fun of me for wanting to meet Ariel, for wanting to ride Soaring and being afraid to check grades when a classmate said they were up. I got so stressed I cried at the Japan pavilion at Epcot and stress ate sauerbraten at the Germany pavilion (Amazing by the way, I love German food.) She basically dictated the entire trip--we went to Universal for Harry Potter World at her request and refused to ride the spider man ride with me (it was fucking fun too-girl missed out.) All she wanted to do was stand around in Harry Potter world all day, (LOL now right?) I wasn’t that big of a Potter fan anymore, even at that point, and she told me I was going to stay there anyway and like it. She dictated the entire trip and when I questioned her about it she said I wasn’t listening to to her--we were following the agenda. Our last day there we went to a “Hawaiian” restaurant and made a comment about my “Hawaiian privileges.” I just didn’t have the heart to tell her that the crap we ate didn’t hold a candle to real Hawaiian luau food.

When we got back I was mentally drained and melancholic because I wondered why Stacey was so cruel to me. She always had a biting wit, but before it seemed playful. Now it was cruel, mocking. She made me feel so incredibly stupid. At this point my cousin got engaged and I cried because I wanted so badly to be in love with someone and get married. I was angry and I lashed out at people I shouldn’t have. I was later diagnosed as depressed. I felt like my life was at a standstill and matters with Stacey didn’t help. I also had a huge writing crisis--I told Stacey something I will always remember and always regret because she doesn’t deserve to know: I write the romances I want because no man wants me. At this point, Stacy turned me into her project. She didn’t like how sad I was at Disney World, it put a bummer on her trip, and when I told her she seemed off she brushed it off. Her plan was to get me on dating apps and basically settle for anyone, even though I had used apps before and don’t like them, but when I got back on Bumble she basically patronized me and told me she was proud of me and “small steps.” On bumble, I wanted to vomit. (for the record, I am not against dating apps, I know success stories, but at that time I was not emotionally ready to date.) Also, she would teach me to drive so I could go on dates, but only in my Dad’s truck.

I wish I could say I broke it off, that I told her not to talk to me again, but Stacey stopped talking to me first. However. the day she stopped was when I told her she was wrong and I wouldn’t listen to this anymore. What happened? I mentioned I was demisexual. She said it wasn’t real. I said it was real to me--I don’t experience sexual attraction unless I have bonded with someone. Sure there are people I like to look at, but it’s not a sexual attraction. She asked about my crush on Tom Hiddleston, Cullen, “that robot guy” and was like yeah you’re sure demi, and lol it’s not real. It wasn’t just her words, it was the mocking indifference.

I went off. I told her she didn’t have the right to tell me what was in my brain or how I felt. I knew who I was and who I am. I should have also told her I wasn’t her project, but I left her that day and it was the last time I saw her.

I talked to my dad that night and mentioned it to him, being demi, and you know what he told me? I think I’m the same way. I think I almost cried.

I tried to talk to her again but she didn’t want to see me. She had “personal issues and was busy” I pissed her off. Good, I say now. But after this happened in March of 2019 I thought I had no friends. She was my only friend, and I lost another mutual friend (one we went to Disney with) because she knew Stacey longer than she knew me. But you know what happened in April? My cousin asked me to be her maid of honor and I fucking wept, because there was my best friend--my sister all along. Just because she lives in another city and we are growing up and it took me longer to figure out my career than her doesn’t change the fact that we have a bond that can’t be broken. My cousin is one of my favorite people and if you know her you love her--it is impossible not to. And when I told her about my fanfic and about being demi she wanted to know, wanted to listen. School got better too--I started chatting in class more and come to find out, one of my classmates also broke up with a toxic friend. God I love her and I miss her--wish I could see her. (thanks COVID)

There was more, but this was a lot, and I spent more time writing this than I thought I would. I wanted to write it because seeing a few posts float around made me remember, and I want ya’ll to know, leaving a friendship is scary. Sometimes it can be worse than leaving a lover. But it is a brave thing to do. Part of me that knew I should have left at the first racist comment (oh yeah, she called me a pineapple one day before the Disney trip, did I mention it’s a slur for Hawaiian people? If my grandma were there she would have clobbed her.) but I stayed because I didn’t think I had any other friends. Well, I did and I do, and I know now friends lift each other up, not belittle or talk behind your back. They listen to me when I talk about how important my writing and my characters are to me.

Sometimes I still miss her--but mostly the high school her that I knew before she met her husband. I don’t know if he changed her or this was her all along, perhaps both. I got fired from a job in November 2019 (which now I’d like to thank them because I got a better and more fulfilling job with a boss that respects me.) and when I cried outside the place, humiliated, I wanted to call her and vent like I used to. I didn’t. Now I don’t want to call her anymore or talk to her. I’d rather spend time with people who care, people who don’t kick me when I’m down. Since then I am so much stronger, in so many ways. The worst times in my life yielded the greatest lessons I have ever learned.

If you made it this far, thank you. I did tear up a little writing this, but please know: it can be hard to walk a new path, but it is brave. You are brave. You don’t deserve to be belittled *hugs*

#personal #toxic friend #ok to reblog #tw: depression #tw: racism #yep she was that bad and I was blind for a long time

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iridescentmemoria · 3 years

Note

Every even number for Inky asks please! <3 and tell me their name and looks!!!

Pfhew! that was a lot of them! but i'm super happy i received this ask! i've been aching to talk about my inquisitor to someone <3 My main inquisitor would be Brenna Lavellan, She's a Dalish mage, pale skin with a dark green vallaslin. She has black hair, long, long enough to have to braid it and pull it into a bun behind her head. She wears several dreads too, with jewelry in them, but alas there's no mod for that. ( i use the mod dreads of the wolf on her ) She carries on her left cheek a scar that cuts through her face and onto her ear, she got it in a fight with a shemlen who'd tried to light their aravels on fire in the woods one night when she was only a youngster.

2 - How did they decorate and structure skyhold?

She decorates it with various trophies from their adventures through thedas, but the heraldry is mostly a mix between the inquisition and the dalish + elven designs. Some ferelden dogs, and an Avvar throne. 4. What are their views of the Chantry?

Fuck the chantry. That's basically her attitude. She understands faith is important to the people of thedas, they need hope, but the chantry is an outdated, cruel institution that practices nothing that they preach. 6. Who did they romance and why?

Solas. She fell for him quickly, his wit and charm and endless stories of the fade and the ancient elvhen empire. she loves him, with whole her heart. Where usually she would be wary of strangers, solas was one of the exceptions. She felt an instant connection with him and it didn't take long before he skillfully broke down her walls and made her fall deeply in love with him.

14. Who is their favourite and most trusted adviser?

If we're talking only the advisers she adores leliana, they cultivated a strong friendship. If we're talking the entire inner circle, that would be dorian, solas, cassandra and cole. 16. How do they react to the corruption of the Wardens? Why? She is apalled by their actions. For an institution to fall so low and resort to tying themselves to demons.. it was just too much. She banishes them from orlais. 18. Do they enjoy Wicked Grace, or don’t they? Not only does she enjoy it, she is also good at it and loves to challenge everyone in skyhold for a game or two. 20. Do they trust Morrigan? Trust? No. She's smart enough to realize Morrigan is in it for her own gain. She respects her and her magical abilities and likes to converse with her ( when she's not bragging about all the knowledge she supposedly possesses about elves and their heritage ) But she doesn't trust her. Morrigan is power hungry, and their debate at the well of sorrows shows that clearly enough. 22. What is their biggest regret?

Ironically, Not realizing Solas wasn't who he said he was. If she'd figured it out sooner, she might've been able to change his mind.. 24. How did they react when they found out about Blackwall/Thom Rainier?

Oof. Yeah that was a big reveal there. She had some suspicions about blackwall but would never have thought him to be a murderer. She pardoned him. But remains distant. Despite their friendship. 26. What makes them trust someone?

Seeing them standing up for what they think is right, standing up for people who cannot defend themselves. And those who do good deeds without wanting anything in return. 28. Did they disband the Inquisition or maintain it?

It was a tough decision. The inquisition was her everything, but seeing the state of thedas and knowing the truth now, that the entire organisation was infiltrated with spies and reeking of corruption... She disbanded it. She was angry and upset, but determined to work towards saving solas from himself. It would be easier with a tight knit group that doesn't involve all the politics and discussions in the winter palace. She also gladly went to kirkwall to live there after varric offered it to her. 30. How did they judge the prisoners? Alexius, Servis and so on. Specific a character.

Alexius was made to serve the inquisition, in researching arcana. But he will not be gaining his freedom. Servis was made to smuggle artefacts. Florianne was killed, and her box was used for community service. Livius Erimond was executed. Ser ruth was sent to the deep roads to achieve what she wanted. Samson was remanded to Kirkwall for judgement of his crimes, though if she was given the chance she would have executed him for all he did. 32. Who did they leave in the Fade, and why?

Stroud. To her it seemed the more logical solution at the time. besides, she loves varric dearly and couldn't take his best friend from him. 34. How do they cope with the stress of being Inquisitor?

Powering through. Trying her best to maintain her sanity by taking breaks on her own when she can. Also elfroot. A lot of it. 36. What was the most difficult choice that had to make?

Whether to disband the inquisition or not.

38. Emotionally, what was their reaction at Sahrina Quarry? The realisation made her nauseous to her core, the poor people there didn't deserve all that and she wishes she could have helped them sooner.

40. Do they get Cullen to start taking lyrium again? Why or why not?

Absolutely not. She supports his decision and provides him with counsel and comfort when he needs it. They are devoted friends, And seeing him overcome his addiction makes her proud. She trusts in him, she knows he can continue his work without the lyrium.

42. How do they view Tevinter? Oof. Yeah.. well considering she is an elf, she doesn't much like the place at all. The only good thing to come out of it is Dorian, who she loves dearly.

44. How do they think their race plays into being Inquisitor? It definitely does. A whole big deal. She is a dalish standing for all peoples. No matter their origin. She is the proof that everyone is worthy of respect. And she openly wants to use her power to advance the elves. 46. Which companion/adviser makes them think twice about their choices, if any?

Dorian. His voice is one of reason and she takes his counsel constantly. Also they have fun little outings that involve a lot of vintage wine and gossip. All the advisors are important to her, she listens carefully to josie cullen and leliana. Also cassandra. And cole. I think the only one she doesn't listen to is viv. ;) 48. What do they think about the Hero of Ferelden?

She doesn't know much about the hero of ferelden. Before the inquisition she kept to the clan and their worries, but she reads up on their story later in the library and finds herself feeling some level of connection to them, they both stand for something better after all. 50. Are they proud of what they accomplished? Yes. Despite everything. She feels like being a part of this whole inquisition took a lot from her, almost everything, but she is proud of what she has accomplished and the changes she's made to the world. Bonus! here's some pics of Brenna for the long wait!

#oc lavellan #ask game #ask game response #dai #dragon age inquisition funny #solas dragon age #dragon age: inquisition #da:i #solavellan #solas #fen harel #trespasser #the descent #solas x inquisitor #solas x lavellan #dorian pavus #varric tethras #da4

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crimsonandcloverwrites · 3 years

Text

OK BLOOM TOWN CH10 LIVEBLOG THOUGHTS LETS GO

@n0tmyname you have ended me I loved this chapter so much but I need to go sleep for 17 hours to recover

Dani introducing herself to the horse please that’s so cute

Dani stressing she’s fucked up and is never going to find them... relateable but like nooo baby u can do it i believe in you

ok we’re screaming it out. sexy and effective we love to see it

:(:(:( I fucking knew Bly was gonna be empty when she got there but it still guts me

WAIT OK THEY’RE NOT GONE HALLELUJAH

BUT OH NO FLORA

I know this is not going in a positive direction but my brain will not stop singing reunited and it feels so gooood @ Dani and Jamie seeing each other again for the first time

Jamie why are u mad and do u want to kiss Dani about it

oh flora :(:(

i need my glasses prescription updated and it is very obvious right now but I couldn’t get an appointment until August like did they not know there would be a very long lesbian fanfiction update I would need to read before then #HelpMyEyesHurtButICantStopReading

the envelope??? what choice what’s happening. wait is Jamie leaving them? please I will cry she is so good

OH NO WHERE IS PETER WHAT SHENANIGANS ARE AFOOT

poor sweet miles :( you will find bloom town one day i believe in it

Dani... just wants to protect her girl... even when... she’s being... a stubborn ass.

lmao she out stubborned her THAT’S MY GIRL

oh they’re so soft for each other I need that soft emoji with the big eyes but i’m on stupid desktop but just like insert 10000 of them here

i am 3ms away from cryin at all moments

“I don’t want you different.” I DON’T WANT YOU DIFFERENT please I am so fragile

the gunshot.... may I just say... BANG BANG INTO THE ROOM (I KNOW YOU WANT IT). it has started

god I hate guns but Jamie with weapons... sexy

JAMIE THERE IS DANGER AFOOT NO TIME TO BE FLIRT ROASTING DANI ABOUT HER INABILITY TO AIM

foot fetishists hate her

holy shit A MAN

A MAN WITH A GUN

aaaand he’s gone

WHERE IS PETE BOY YOU BETTER EMERGE AT AN UNEXPECTED MOMENT AND SAVE THE DAY

heart in my dang throat this is so stressful

ok going to my happy place (thinking about Jamie tending to Dani’s wounds when this is all over)

NOOO NOT ANOTHER MAN. LEAVE DANI ALONE

raise your hand if you too are a fiery little bitch with unnatural inclinations

JAMIE TO THE RESCUE. dang ok gruesome but deserved

“something akin to hope began to light in Dani’s chest” IT’S A TRAP

stress snacking my way through this. it’s mashed potato time

“Still, anger burned more brightly than fear.“ THAT’S MY GIRL

ooooh Jamie with the knife skills I am listening

godddd she goes so hard for dani THEY’RE IN LOVE YOUR HONOUR

“The Lord commanded you to be an enormous twat?” PLEASE

oh ick

getting into an emotional discussions in the middle of a gunfight... classic lesbians

getting all sappy with each other in the middle of a gunfight... classic lesbians (but seriously “I still can’t believe you came back” “I can’t believe I found you” has me soft as shit. sap away lesbians)

lmao edmund getting all riled n Jamie’s just like sorry I ball harder than u ever will #GirlBoss

oh my god jamie the kerosene

NOOO THIS IS NOT HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO GO

“Jamie wouldn’t do something as stupid as dying.” no she would not especially when she’s got a happily ever after to live

god they’re hanging off a fucking cliff I’m sweating

wow u just gonna save an ugly man first when Dani is right there

oh my god? oh my god. he dead

oh my god this fucking asshole

JAMIE RIGHT NOW WOULD BE A SWELL TIME TO COME BACK FROM THE DEAD

DANI YOU’RE NOT GONNA DIE YOU’RE THE MAIN CHARACTER (NO ONE TALK ABOUT THE SOURCE MARTERIAL)

oh my god dani climb for your life i believe in u

yes girl use ur lesbian rage and scream ur way to the top

Dani climbin over that edge like I LIVED BITCH

OH MY GOD JAMIE TURNING UP ON HORSEBACK LIKE I LIVED BITCH

PLEASE THEY ARE BOTH SAFE I’M SO HAPPY SHOULD I STOP READING RIGHT NOW I KNOW THIS PEACE CANNOT HOLD

nooo not moon :(:(:( please be safe

no no no no no

oh moon. dang this fic for making me cry

mikey. fuuuuck

“I poison things.” Jamie no

I cannot stop crying

I would like to file a complaint for emotional disress DON’T MAKE THEM FIGHT EVEN IF THEY NEED TO GET THIS SHIT OUT BEFORE THEY CAN COME TOGETHER AND BE STRONG I DON’T WANT IT RIGHT NOW

HOW DARE YOU WITH THE ‘WE COULD HAVE SO MANY MORE YEARS TOGETHER’ ROLE REVERSAL. NOT LIKE THIS

I need to take a break i can’t see w these blurry eyes but I wanna keep reading :/

in another lifetime?!?!?!?! NO. THIS ONE. THIS LIFETIME

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

JAMIE WHAT IS SHE GOING TO DO WITHOUT YOU. WHERE IS SHE GOING TO GO. COME BACK

“I’m all alone now.” and now I’m sobbing again

ati’iwan ka’si-tsi... fearless.... most brave and powerful woman.... *with tears in my eyes* so true besties

“The ceremony is for you.”

I love imaginary Jamie saying things to her.... Edward Cullen who

dabai means sun. oh

To quote those dang bhah geniuses...Jamie come home

moon was Jamie’s soul twin..... as if this didn’t hurt enough already

wait the... the sun and the moon... they’re never alone.... pls

“Then you’ll continue to light the moon from afar and each day it will hurt a little less.” PLS

Dani is going to build her own Bloom Town and it’s going to be a wonderful place and everyone in it is going to thrive and JAMIE IS GOING TO COME HOME

I think I’ve been missing you my whole life...................................

I’m going insane

find her pieces and put them back together. JAMIE SHE CAN ONLY DO IT IF YOU’LL LET HER

“It’s a Hawthorn leaf,” he said. “She says it’s used to heal the heart.” PLEASE MAY I HAVE SOME HAWTHORN

#bloom town #bloom town spoilers #truly every silly little thought that crossed my mind. read at ur own risk

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nobodyfamousposts · 4 years

Text

Twilight Spite: When the Tables Turn

Well, since Midnight Sun is coming out later this year, I figured I’d dust this off and share a “what if”.

__________________________

Nobody quite knew what to say to Leah’s announcement.

“Bull.”

Well, almost nobody.

“Sam.” Billy Black called, a warning in his tone.

But the alpha didn’t seem to hear him, remaining resolute as he glared at Leah. “There’s no way that it’s true.”

“Well, it is.” Leah replied with a smile that totally wasn’t a smirk as she watched his growing outrage. It said something when not even the touch of his precious imprint could calm him. Leah could practically see the fur starting to form on his skin as he barely held back his transformation.

“You’re making it up. She has to be making it up.” He insisted, turning from Leah to the rest of the Council, his words taking on an almost pleading lilt as he looked to them for support.

But the Council members seemed hesitant. Uncertain, even. Because…well…it could very well be true.

“I assure you, I was just as surprised as you when it happened.” Leah proclaimed sincerely. Because, well, she had been surprised.

___________________________

“Hello, Leah! We come in peace! And with a special offer just for you!”

It all started with an appearance by an overly cheerful vampire bearing an offer she couldn’t refuse.

Well, that wasn’t quite true. Everything really started with her boyfriend disappearing, then coming back only to break her heart and dump her for her cousin she just met, and said cousin deciding it was totally cool to break her heart further by getting with him regardless. The whole reservation cheering them on certainly hadn’t helped. Nor had turning into a wolf and having to have their “happy relationship” shoved in her face AND her head. Nor her father’s death, which seemed to be her fault for reasons she hadn’t known of and couldn’t control, and no one would so much as give her time off to grieve for. Being used simultaneously as a scapegoat and wank material for a group of teenage boys was just the fucking cherry on top.

So yeah, the unexpected visit from the leech wasn’t technically where it all started.

Just where it finally started getting good.

Alice was…perky. Annoyingly so. The more time she spent in her presence, the more Leah was certain that was as much of a permanent, unchangeable aspect of her personality as her annoying and incessant need to know and control things.

Leah was apparently another thing to control. If that wasn’t a common trait shared with everyone else in her life, Leah would find herself particularly insulted and ready to attack.

As it was…well…at least Alice had an offer to make it worth her while.

Given that this offer was coming from the enemy of her tribe, the obvious answer shouldn’t have just been “no”, it should have been a clear and resounding “hell no” followed by a death gurgle. But Leah’s tribe hadn’t been the most loyal or supportive by this point, what with the cheating and disparaging comments and the constant degrading of her when she’d already suffered so much because of them. So no, Leah wasn’t feeling particularly loyal in return.

To the contrary, she was feeling particularly petty and vengeful—which they all knew and not only did nothing to help, but actually went well out of their way to encourage and nurture within her. So really, it was their own fault if she made the choice to give them the finger.

So that was why she decided to at least listen to the leech’s offer.

And oooooh, what an offer it was.

It was no secret that Leah….kind of hated her life at the moment. And could anyone blame her?

…okay, yes. They clearly did. Acting like what Sam and Emily did was HER fault, that them leaving her was deserved, and that her transformation—a traumatic experience for her, by the way and one that cost her her father’s life through no fault of her own—was something she should be happy with. So regardless of the situation and how much she never wanted it, she should just “shut up and deal”.

But could anyone who WASN’T part of the “all boys’ club”, only there for the free—if plastic-like food from Emily, or otherwise had their heads up Sam’s ass blame her?

Alice couldn’t, surprisingly enough. And maybe it was all a trick to get her guard down and have her help their enemies, but it kind of said something when the freaking soulless vampires offered more sympathy for her situation than her own family.

Yeah, thanks Mom. Thanks, Seth. THANK-FUCKING-YOU, EMILY. REALLY appreciated the support during her time of need. Always great to have your family with you...on the other side of the house, setting up dates with your father’s best friend, gushing about how “awesome” your ex is after he crushed your heart, and picking out wedding dresses to be married to your ex in not even a year after he dumped you for her. Family of the fucking year, let her tell you.

And yet she couldn’t help but love them still. How sick was that?

It was messed up. The whole situation was. She couldn’t deal with it there, not with them, not while everyone just wanted her to shut up and smile like she wasn’t being torn apart inside.

So when Alice approached her with a promise to help, Leah found herself surprisingly willing to at least hear her out. She expected to laugh at whatever she offered. She expected to tear her a new one. She even expected to go to the Council and warn them of the trick.

She…never expected she’d be agreeing to it.

“We don’t want a war.” Alice assured her, pleading. “We like Bella. And we like it here in Forks. We don’t want to fight. But the Volturri know about Bella now, and they are insistent she HAS to become a vampire to preserve the secret or else THEY will kill her, and possibly all of us.” She let out a breath, looking up at Leah in worry. “And possibly your people as well once they discover you.”

Okay, she had a valid point. But…

“Why not just go to Sam and the Council about this?” They were all about “keeping the peace” over all else—Leah was on the receiving end of THAT well enough to know. So surely they would be on board with this one sacrifice to keep everyone else safe.

“It’s the truce. We can’t come onto your land. And the wolves we’ve spoken with have been…very insistent on us not turning Bella.”

Ah, Jacob. Yeah, sounded about right. The brat had been doing nothing but moaning about Bella and her preference for dead guys who could give her immortality and a fancy life over him and his…him. Even in the same breath he shot snide comments at Leah for losing the relationship she—y’know…ACTUALLY HAD.

Not that she was resentful about the blatant bias and double-standard or anything as everyone coddled him for a relationship with a girl that was clearly never “in” to him in the first place. Not at aaaaaall…

“Why come to me with this then?” Surely they had to know that she…wasn’t exactly a pleasant person to work with right now. Even—especially with her own people, much less outsiders. And that out of everyone, she would be the least inclined to work with the monsters directly responsible for her people turning into wolves and effectively ruining every aspect of her life because of it.

YES, she was still bitter about it. And she would be for a long time. Maybe the tribe should invest in some therapy instead of a new house for the “happy couple”?

“Because you’re the best choice, Leah.”

AKA, “I used future sight and this was the result I liked.” Leah wasn’t sure she liked the idea of placing bets with someone who used visions for everything the way most people use their cell phones.

“You’re clearly not happy here, but you can’t do anything about it. We could help each other!” Alice explained, rocking on her heels. “I know you don’t like us, but you don’t want a war anymore than we do.”

There was a tense pause.

Then Leah sighed.

“Fair enough.”

Alice cheered up at that, smiling widely. “Great! So if this works, we’ll take you with us when we leave Forks in the next year. We’ll give you money and documents—anything you need to set up a new life! You could go to college! Ooo! You could go to a really fancy university and get a fashion degree and become a model and marry a rich socialite and—!”

Okay, cutting that off right now. “And in exchange?”

That got a frown—though whether it was because she cut off Alice’s gushing rant or because it reminded her of just what she was asking Leah to do, it was a bit hard to tell.

“In exchange, we need you to do just one thing…”

___________________________

“You can’t be serious, Leah.”

“Dead serious.” Leah replied, cackling madly on the inside. But on the outside, her eyes seemed to shine with a joy that anyone could be convinced was because of her claim. A claim that had half of the room sending one another glances of abject confusion, and the rest of the room as some variant of enraged and—in Emily’s case, probably secretly happy.

“It’s just…it’s not possible!” Sam insisted, sounding almost desperate.

“Neither was a female wolf, and yet here we are.” She said with a blithe shrug.

She’d been bitter and “a harpy”. Everyone knew it. Everyone held that against her, regardless of the reasons all of them knew yet none of them wanted to acknowledge were wrong. Even those that sympathized were pushing her to simply “get over it”, completely blind as to why she was acting the way she was.

It was only because she was stuck in a situation forced on her—one where she was trapped and degraded and imposed upon in every way possible, and forced to defend herself the only way she could.

But now she could fight back.

And by every single god out there, she was damn well going to use it. Even if she had to lie through her teeth. Even if she had to fake feelings she didn’t have for someone she didn’t like.

If that meant getting some sweet SWEET payback on her ex? And throwing his own actions and justification for those actions back in his perfect little face? Well…

“I imprinted on Edward Cullen.”

Watchu gonna do about it?

#twilight sucks #twilight spite #fanfiction

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imgoingtohellsofuckit · 4 years

Text

Hope Can’t Fix Everything pt 2

Jasper x Human! Reader

Warnings - angsty

Summary - Jasper tries to make it right

part one

Jasper had royally fucked up. And he knew it. He knew that he ruined his chance with his mate. One mistake would destroy the entire lifetime they were supposed to have together. Carlisle made Jasper skip the next week of school. Mostly to get him to calm down. But also to make sure nothing else happened. Progress into vegetarianism for vampires isn't exactly linear mistakes are bound to happen. Carlisle honestly was expecting for a slip up- if not from Jasper then from one of the others. However the slip up wasn't what was crushing Jasper. Sure he felt absolutely terrible for snapping on his mate but- seeing that his mate was terrified of him, disgusted by him. He was crushed. And with having to stay home and away from everyone else was just causing him to spiral.

Finally after a week Jasper went back to school. But he didn't feel any comfort. He learned from Alice and Bella that Y/n didn't tell anyone anything that happened. They kept their near death a secret. However he also learned that they were avoiding the Cullen clan as much as she can. He didn't know if them not telling was a good thing. If it meant that maybe they could talk about it- or if they just didn't know how to explain it to anyone else with out sounding crazy.

"You freak!"

"Mr. Hale," The teacher calls snapping him from replaying the memory for the millionth time. "Are you okay?"

Jasper wanted to laugh. Okay? No. He's never been okay. Not in his 100 plus years of being a vampire has he once been okay. No that is a lie. He was okay with Y/n. He finally felt like he had something in his life that made his eternal life worth something. And he scared that meaning away.

"Yes sir," Jasper says softly, "just tired."

He could feel the eyes of a couple of his classmates on him. Watching him curiously.

"I heard he and Y/n broke up," The girl behind him whispers to her friend, "apparently it was messy."

"Where did you hear that?" The friend asks.

"Everyone is talking about it," The girl says, "Mary Spencer said she saw then go up to the Lake Frisky then saw Y/n flying out of there a hour later. Apparently in such a hurry she almost hit Mary. And I haven't seen the two as much as look at each other since he got back."

"Wow," The friend says, "what do you think happened?"

"Who knows," The girl says, "Tracey Catcher thinks that Jasper is hooking up with one of his adopted sisters. The little one Alice. Maybe Y/n found out."

Jasper scoffs lightly. This is stupid. Listening to everyone talk like they know what's happening. Feeling the emotions of everyone in the room as they pry and poke into his failed attempt of a love life. He feels his own anger bubble up. Getting more and more intense as he catches more of the harsh whispers. Before he can snap the bell rings loudly. Bringing him back to his senses. He sighs slipping from the classroom to the lunchroom. He meets the others at their lunch table. However the complete lack of you in your spot at the table makes his heart ache.

"Jasper," Alice says softly as he sits down, "how are you holding up?"

He doesn't say anything. Instead his eyes search the cafeteria for his mate. Looking over the mess of kids at tables. Finally he sees them across the lunchroom. Sitting with a couple of their friends. They don't seem interested in whatever their friends are talking about. He watches them as they pick at their lunch. He wishes he could read minds and figure out what he needs to say to make this all better. But then he thinks about all things that could be on their mind. Things he couldn't handle. Your perspective of the memory.

"Jasper get out of your head," Edward says carefully.

"How about you get out of my head," Jasper says firmly.

"Jasper you need to calm down," Rose says, "getting mad at Edward while amusing, isn't going to fix your problems."

"I just- how do I even begin to fix this?" Jasper says softly, "I almost killed them. They begged me to stop to back away and I ignored them. I'm a monster."

"You sound like Edward," Emmet says laughing lightly.

"This is serious," Jasper says, "what do I even say? What do I do?"

"You need to talk to them," Alice says simply, "try to explain. Try to make them understand. Promise it won't happen again."

"And what if it does?" Jasper asks softly, "what if it happens again but you guys don't get there fast enough huh? What if I killed them?"

"Jasper you aren't thinking-" Bella says softly.

"He is," Edward says, "he thinks we all should leave."

"Oh come on we saw how that worked out with Bella," Rose says.

"It was different then," Jasper says, "Bella wanted to hang on. Y/n doesn't want to. They want normal. A average life with kids and a big house in a sunny place. I can't give that to them."

"Jas," Alice says softly.

"This is your mate," Rose says, "and you'd leave them?"

"I'd rather them be happy and alive then be with me and regret everything," Jasper says, "it's the best decision. And after what happened. I don't need to put their laugh at risk. It was stupid of me."

"You can't leave your mate," Bella says, "you love them."

"I do love them and that's why I'm making this choice," Jasper says, "I can't trust myself not to hurt them. It's not your decision it's mine. And I've made my mind up. We're leaving. Carlisle is already preparing for us to leave."

"You're making a mistake-"

"Maybe I am," Jas says, "but if it saves their life... I don't really care."

No one else could argue. Because at the end of the day... They believed he was right. None of them think he'd ever hurt his mate on purpose but... on accident. Another incident like the last one. It's possible and sure leaving his mate hurts but watching them die. Know he caused it. That would be a whole other level of pain. He wouldn't be able to live like that. So the Cullens decided to move again. As they were preparing the move Jasper was sneaking every last glance at you. Trying to memorize their body, their scent. Everything about them. If he has to leave he wants to prepare to severe the ties. Not that it was hard. Y/n wanted nothing to do with him. Swapping seats, ignoring his texts. Not sparing him even so much as a passing glance.

'It's for the better' Jasper reminds himself. If he disappears like this- when they already clearly doesn't want him around them then it won't hurt them. It won't break them like leaving broke Bella. They won't try to do anything to bring Jasper back. They'll let the relationship fade into nothing but memories. Just like it needs to.

After a couple days they had everything packed. Loaded up and ready to go. Esme and Carlisle had went ahead to get everything ready at the newest house. Everyone else was getting ready to leave. However they remained with Jasper as he stalls. His focus on a box full of things.

"Are you ready?" Alice asks Jasper. The blond looks down at the picture of him and his mate. He bites his lip lightly. No. He doesn't want to leave. He wants to pull his mate into his arms and hold them until the end. He doesn't want to run away.

"I want a minute," He says softly, "ya know to collect my thoughts."

"Okay," Alice says, "we'll be on our way then. Come on guys." Rose and Emmet leave with her. However Bella stays back for a second.

"Jasper," She says softly, "you know they deserve closure for all this."

"The closure is me leaving," Jasper says, "I can't hurt them if I'm not here."

"Whatever," Bella says, "I can't make you do this right. Come on Edward."

The two join the other vampires starting to pack into their cars. The go, leaving Jasper alone in the empty house. He sighs as he stares into the box of his things from his relationship. Pictures, mementos from dates, things she'd give him. He felt guilty. He felt like the world was punishing him for his past sins. As if Y/n being his mate was a cruel joke fate was playing on him. Give him the most amazing soulmate then just- make him not able to be with them. Not trust himself to protect them. To save them from himself. Hw wants to trust his hope. That maybe somehow someway he'd see them again. And they'd be able to be happy. He wants to hope for that future. But fate would never let him have it.

"So the rumors are true?" He hears a soft voice asks. He looks away from the box and turns to see his mate. His eyes widen. This can't be real. There is no way they are actually here. But it looks so real. His mate. His love. Right there. So close he could touch them. He wants to. He wants to take their hand and pull them into a soft kiss. But he knows that will only make it more painful. "You're really moving away and you aren't even saying goodbye."

"Carlisle got a new job," He lies, "a town needing doctors..."

"Bella told me you were leaving because of me," They say softly making whatever his lie was going to be pointless, "said that I should come down here and talk to you before you leave."

"You didn't have to," He says, "it was a bad idea. You should go home."

"I think I deserve an explanation," They say, "I mean- I wanna know what happened at the lake."

He tenses. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to go over it. He wanted to just move on. Just leave. Run away from his problems.

"It's only fair to me," They say softly, "if you get to just leave- then I get to know."

"I'm leaving so you don't need an explanation," Jas says, "I'm leaving so you can forget what happened and me."

"I don't want to forget you Jas," They say.

"Well you should," Jasper says, "I'm not good for you."

"You don't get to decide that," They say firmly, "you don't know if you're too good for me."

"Y/n I am a monster!" Jasper snaps, "I almost killed you at the lake. If my family was any later you'd be dead. If I'm around you won't be safe."

"But I'll have you," They mumble.

"That's stupid," Jasper says, "you'd risk your life to be around a monster-"

"You're not a monster," They say, "I know you Jasper you are a great guy-"

"I'm a beast," He says, "you know that. I could kill you. I can tell how you feel. And you're scared. You're afraid of me."

"I'm afraid of losing you," They say tearing up, "Jasper I love you! I want you to stay here with me. Whatever you're going through- whatever is happening to you. I want to be there for you. To support you- to ease the pain. Because I am in love with you Jasper."

He wants to pull them in his arms and never let go. But he knows that it's dangerous. That he shouldn't be allowed to be this close to them after what happened. He backs away.

"Jasper please just talk to me," They say, "what's happening?"

"I am not normal," He says, "I'm a vampire- I'm a monster. I kill people." They stay silent. "I've killed so many people. Sometimes I don't mean it. And I tried to stop. But its so strong- the hunger. The bloodlust- When I look at you it's so painful because I won't to protect you but I also want to devour you."

"You wouldn't hurt me," They say boldly.

"I almost killed you."

"You hesitated," They point out, "and when they knocked you away you stopped."

"That means nothing," Jasper says, "who is to say that they could do that again?"

"I say they won't have to," Y/n says, "because you won't hurt me. Because I know you love me as well."

"Y/n I'm leaving tonight," He says, "there is no changing my mind."

"So you leave," They say, "fine- I wanna come with you."

"No you have a life here- you have family here," He says, "you'll get the life you want if you stay away from me-"

"The life I want is with you," They say, "Jasper don't walk away from us."

"I'm doing this for you," He says, "I doing this to keep you alive. I'm doing this because i love you so much and I want you to have everything you've always wanted." They move closer taking his hands into theirs.

"Jas-"

"I need to be stronger if I want to be with you," he says, "I need to have more control. And I will make sure I have that control and maybe if you'll still have me- then we can get together. But now? I can't risk hurting you- or losing you. So please. Please understand I'm not doing this without thinking. Because I've thought of every alternative and this is the only solution that will work."

"Jas," They whimper.

"I promise this won't be the end of us," He says, "one day- we'll find each other again."

Y/n moves pulling Jasper into a soft kiss. He moves deepening it. Making the one kiss last for all the years they won't have each other. After a while he finally breaks the kiss so his partner can breath.

"I'm sorry," He says softly.

"I love you Jasper," They say.

"I love you Y/n," He says, "we'll meet again."

He hugs them tightly. Then steps from the house climbing into his car. He'll see them again. He has hope that he'll see them again.

@whattheheckisevengoingon @treestarrrrrrrr @thequeendesi

#jasper hale #jasper hale x reader #jasper whitlock x reader #jasper cullen #jasper x reader #jasper whitlock #jasper cullen x reader #twilight x reader #twilight

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goth-surana · 3 years

Text

Hope and Hopelessness Chapter 4

Chapter 4 of 7(?)

Main pairing: Anders/Male Hawke

Main tags: Angst with a happy ending, tranquil!Anders, cure for tranquility

Summary: After some time on the run with Hawke, Anders is caught and made tranquil. Hawke cannot bring himself to kill him, instead chasing a distant hope that there may be a cure.

Read on AO3 or below the cut

Hawke was on his last fucking legs when the letter arrived. More dead ends, more people recognizing them and therefore more fights

The inquisition was handling some amount of the chaos in the world, but enough was left that Hawke and Anders still had to make their way through.

Hawke wished they could still be helping the rebel mages from afar, but now they were too concerned with their own survival. Now Anders was practically defenseless. Sure, he still knew how to swing a staff as a weapon, but he was no longer the powerhouse he used to be without his magic.

Hawke used to get frustrated with Justice a lot, but now he missed the bastard. He may have worked Anders to the bone, may have been somewhat unreasonable, but by the Maker had he protected Anders. Hawke didn’t have to worry so much, knowing Justice was there.

When the messenger found them Hawke almost punched her in the face. She moved too quickly, too silently.

“I’m a friend!” the scrawny elf said after she deftly avoided Hawke. “Tethras sent me.”

She handed Hawke the letter, and scurried off without a word.

Hawke opened the letter and what was inside stole his breath away.

“We found a cure. I’ll grant you safe passage to Skyhold.”

Hawke’s hands went numb holding that letter, his eyes fixed on that first sentence.

It couldn’t be real. It. It couldn’t…

Hawke made it to a back alley before his knees gave out and he sank to the ground. His hands shook, his shoulders shook as he began to cry.

There was hope. There was a way to bring his love back.

“Hawke?” Anders asked. “What has upset you?”

Hawke just shook his head, unable to stem the flow of tears. He had stopped crying so long ago, and now that he started again he couldn’t seem to stop.

Anders waited patiently for him, standing passively. Eventually Hawke stopped crying long enough to speak.

“We’re going to Skyhold.”

Anders regarded him for a moment. “Okay.”

Hawke stood on shaking legs, then stared at Anders. He looked into his vacant eyes and thought about how they would be once more filled with emotion and anger and laughter, full of everything that made Anders himself.

There was hope. Hawke hadn’t been needlessly torturing Anders every day, hadn’t been prolonging his suffering for nothing. Hawke had made the right choice.

On the first night of their journey to Skyhold, Anders had figured out the contents of the letter.

“There is a cure,” he said simply.

“…why do you think that?” Hawke hadn’t been sure how Anders would react. Would he resist?

“Because of your emotional reaction to the letter. You have not cried like that in some time. I thought at first that you were given evidence of an inability to cure tranquility, but were that the case you would have killed me when we were away from sight.”

“You… you were going to let me kill you?” Hawke asked.

“I was not certain you would. The news would have to be either of a cure or of the absence of a cure to cause your reaction. If I ran from you I would likely die. But if I stayed with you there was a small possibility I would not die.”

Hawke just shook his head. Even after all this time, Anders’ blank deductions broke his heart just a tiny bit more. Only now there was an end in sight.

“You’re not going to resist?” Hawke asked. “I thought you were fine being tranquil.”

“I am,” said Anders, “but you are not. If I stay with you, you will force me to go through with the cure. If I run, I will die. I am skeptical about this cure you speak of, but I do not want to die.”

Another blow to Hawke’s heart. But Anders was right. No matter what Anders’ feelings on the matter were now, Hawke would make sure he was cured. He remembered what Karl described tranquility as, knew Anders could never truly be happy in such a state.

Before Hawke would have said he would never force Anders to do anything. Anders’ whole life had been full of others forcing their will upon him, Anders deserved to be free…

But not this time. This was Hawke’s breaking point, and he was making this decision for Anders.

They didn’t talk much during the rest of the journey. Hawke wondered if Anders was nervous about being cured, if he was even capable of nervousness.

Hawke didn’t know how he felt right now. It wasn’t happy, not yet. He wouldn’t be happy until he saw Anders returned to him. Until then, he was… hopeful. That too was a foreign feeling after so long. Hawke may have refused to give up hope completely, but he had been living with so little of it that it couldn’t be felt.

Skyhold was incredible, massive and daunting. Hawke and Anders both covered their heads with cloaks, it was still a secret that they were coming here. Many here would see Anders dead, so Hawke was content with the secrecy.

How many of those people also wished him dead, he wondered? Fewer, he knew. While he was an outlaw, a strange tale of a hero still followed him. Hawke found that strange, because he made it clear he supported Anders. Hawke doesn’t even know if he would have stopped him if he knew about the chantry… it was an awful thing, but wasn’t Kirkwall full of awful things? Hawke had done many awful things… with far less noble intentions.

Varric’s tales of Hawke as a hero had overwritten his past as a scoundrel, it seemed. A very affable scoundrel, but a scoundrel nonetheless. Hawke knew Varric’s stories also portrayed Anders in a positive light, despite how angry he was. But that wasn’t enough to sway public opinion. Why was that, Hawke wondered? Was it just easier to hate a mage, easier to love a man born from noble blood?

If Hawke could, he would take all the hate for Anders onto himself. He played no small part in the escalation of the violence in Kirkwall, although Varric tended to omit those parts. Hawke fought the bloody night commander at every turn, and probably had some hand in making her paranoid enough to try to annul the Circle.

It was no use dwelling on the past. Could there have been a peaceful solution to the monster that was Kirkwall? Probably not, in Hawke’s opinion. Others might say different, and maybe they were right, but Hawke was a jaded man. He had just seen too much.

An inquisition soldier met Hawke and escorted him and Anders through the stone halls. The young man was clearly nervous, knowing who he led.

They came to an imposing set of doors, and were let into a wide room with a large table in the center. Chairs surrounded the table, and Varric sat in one. Hawke caught his friend’s eye and wished he could muster a smile. He hadn’t seen Varric in a long time.

Next to Varric sat a woman who must be the Inquisitor herself. Whatever Hawke expected, this was not it.

It wasn’t that the woman was Tal-Vashoth, it wasn’t that she was a mage. He had thought she would be imposing in her stature, and maybe she was at her full height. But right now she was leaning on one elbow, long brown hair falling across her shoulders as she looked up at Hawke with sad, tired eyes.

Hawke recognized that look, it was the look of someone who needed a fucking break.

“Champion,” she said, smiling slightly. There was something familiar in her appearance, in her coloring and her ice-blue eyes.

The woman stood and walked over to Hawke, extending a hand. Hawke had been right before, she was more imposing at her full height. Hawke and Anders were by no means short, but she was at least a head taller.

“Rosalind Adaar,” she introduced herself, shaking Hawke’s hand.

Oh, Hawke realized. She was the daughter of the Tal-Vashoth couple that had saved his and Anders’ lives. The world had an odd way of playing jokes on him.

Hawke was about to respond, when the world decided it would be even funnier. The doors burst open, and in walked Cullen Rutherford.

Hawke barely had time to balk before he was speaking.

“Adaar, what is the meaning of this? Varric sent for Hawke?” He asked incredulously.

“You knew!” Came a new voice, a woman’s voice. She was tall, carried herself like a warrior and had short black hair.

“You lied to me! You always knew where the Champion was.”

“Why is-“ Cullen began, and then his eyes landed on Anders. The man’s expression turned to shock.

Hawke stepped in front of him, holding out a protective hand.

“Don’t get any ideas!” Hawke snarled. “We were promised safe passage by your inquisitor.”

What in the Maker’s name was Cullen bloody Rutherford doing here, and why hadn’t Varric told him? It seemed Varric was lying to quite a few people these days.

“Cool it, Curly,” said Varric, getting up from his chair. “He’s telling the truth, Sunflower promised they would both be safe here.”

Hawke presumed “Sunflower” referred to the Inquisitor. Varric seemed to have a thing against calling anyone by their name, excluding Hawke. Hawke had always wondered if it was because his name already sounded like a description.

“No!” The woman exclaimed in surprise. “Do not tell me… if that is the Champion, the man with him-“

“Is under my protection,” Adaar cut in firmly, her arms crossed. “I am Andraste’s chosen, am I not? That’s what you always say.”

The way she said that and the look she gave the woman spoke of some backstory there. An old argument.

“I will not allow this inquisition to shelter that murderer!” The woman responded.

“My inquisition,” Adaar said. “You keep telling me it’s my call to make, that I need to step up as the leader. Well I’m bloody doing it now, and I extended my protection to Hawke and Anders.”

The woman was about to reply when Anders took his hood off, probably because it was obvious now who he was.

“You’re tranquil…” the woman said. “I had not heard that. You could have told me that, Inquisitor. I would not have objected to his being here as much as I do now.”

Hawke wanted to punch that woman. She sounded relieved, relieved that Anders wasn’t dangerous. Wasn’t that how everyone saw mages? The rest of Thedas liked to pretend they weren’t the Qunari, but “dangerous thing” was all that mages were to them.

“Cassandra…” Adaar said calmly, but tiredly. “He won’t be tranquil for long. I’m testing out the cure.”

“You wish to return this murderer to his full power?!” Cassandra almost yelled. “Inside our base! Inside all we have worked to build!”

“I wish to return this man to his mind,” said Adaar. “Does his being tranquil make you feel safe, Seeker?” Adaar practically sneered. The two women may be coworkers, but something was clearly bubbling under the surface.

“Of course it does,” replied Cassandra, “you know well what he is capable of.”

“The same as I’m capable of,” said Adaar. “Same as any mage. Would it make you feel safer if I was tranquil too?”

Hawke felt he should really not be in the middle of this. He had clearly walked right into a storm.

“I have never begrudged you for what you are! You are the Inquisitor, and I have always respected you as such.” Cassandra shot back.

This only made Adaar’s face grow darker. “I am a mage, Cassandra. I have always been a mage, always will be a mage, even if you refuse to acknowledge it.”

“I do not see you as merely a mage!” Cassandra responded, frustrated.

“You don’t see me as a mage at all!” Adaar raised her voice, clearly some deep frustration boiling over. “Say it Casandra, say I’m a mage because it’s what I fucking am! I know none of you want to see it, none of you want to reconcile that you work for a mage, I know you think I’m different, but I’m not! I’m just like the others! If you’re so happy with fucking tranquility then brand me right now, because every mage you feel glad is tranquil is me. We are the same!”

Cassandra took a step back, still angry but somewhat stunned. “I would never wish you tranquil.”

“Every mage you hurt is me!” Adaar replied, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. “None of you see it because you’re all so busy pretending I’m not a mage! Do you know what Sera said to me the other day?”

Adaar almost laughed, but clearly she was miserable.

“I know you and Sera don’t always see eye to eye-“ Cullen began, raising a placating hand.

“She was worried, because of my training as an arcane warrior, that I was becoming like them! Like other mages! Dangerous things…”

Tears fell from Adaar’s eyes. “I’m sick of it. You all say you respect me but do you respect what I am?”

Cassandra had no answer for that. She looked taken aback, and tried to regain control of the conversation.

“This-“ she pointed to Anders, “is an important matter. You still let a murderer into Skyhold-“

“We’re all bloody murderers!” Adaar snapped. Then she took a deep breath and steadied herself. “… I’ve made my decision as Inquisitor. You may inform the inner circle but no one else. Leliana already knows.”

She sounded so very tired, as tired and full of hurt as Hawke was now accustomed to feeling.

Cassandra left in huff, storming from the room. Cullen made to leave as well, when Adaar stopped him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Cullen.”

“Adaa- Rosalind, please don’t think I would ever want you tranquil…”

The man looked genuinely hurt. What a joke, Hawke thought to himself. This monster had stood by when dozens of mages were made tranquil. Something was clearly different about Cullen now though, especially as the Inquisitor didn’t actually look mad at him.

“I don’t think you do,” Adaar assured him, “I don’t think any of you do… and you know, you actually see me as a mage. I don’t have to be someone I’m not around you… so thank you.”

“I know that has been a source of contention between us in the past…”

“What we fought about was better than the silence I get from the others,” Rosalind huffed. “And you know we’re past that. I know you were a Templar and I recognize that about you, you know I am an apostate and you recognize that about me. You’re my friend, Cullen.”

Hawke must be fucking dreaming. Cullen, friends with an apostate? This Rosalind woman was showing him genuine charitability… she must not know who he was. Hawke filed that away for later in his mind, but didn’t voice anything. It wasn’t his business, he didn’t know these people. He was here for the cure, nothing else.

Well… he had agreed to help them with Corypheus, that was part of the exchange. Before he hadn’t thought of that as his responsibility, he had already tried his hand at killing the bastard. But the inquisition’s spymaster still wanted his take on the situation.

“I’m sorry you had to see that, Champion,” Adaar said. “I am… not at my best, currently.”

“Don’t worry,” Hawke replied, “I’m not either. And just call me Hawke. Kinda got sick of the whole “Champion” thing.”

Adaar chuckled. “I can relate. I’ve spent so long being the Inquisitor now, it’s hard to remember being myself. Rosalind, Roz, Adaar…even Sunflower, those all suit me better.”

The room was silent for a moment after, all present acknowledging how tired they all were. Thankfully, Cullen left. Hawke breathed a sigh of relief. Cullen may be different now, but Hawke didn’t trust him around Anders. Hawke still remembered his words back in Kirkwall, his actions back in Kirkwall.

“How do we cure Anders?” Hawke asked the room. This nightmare needed to be over soon.

“Right,” said Adaar, giving her head a small shake. “It turns out that the Seekers of Truth have known the cure for tranquility for some time now. They… they kept it from the world…”

Adaar’s eyes were brimming with tears again, she looked furious.

“The Seekers that you’ve been working with,” Hawke pointed out.

Adaar smiled sardonically, wiping a tear from her cheek. “Cassandra didn’t know… but those above her did. I’m… I’m so sick of this place, honestly, but I’m too involved to leave. I have too much power at my disposal to leave, I have the power to help mages.”

The conviction in her voice was so painfully familiar. Hawke smiled at the woman. Adaar continued to explain.

“To cure the tranquil, a spirit must touch their mind. The problem is convincing a spirit to do that, so a spirit healer is needed.”

“And you have one?”

“Not yet, but Leliana sent for Commander Surana.”

“Surana’s a spirit healer?” Hawke asked, startled. The woman hadn’t seemed to have much of a knack for healing. Hawke’s shoulder remembered that.

“Leliana said she learned on the battlefield,” said Varric, easily sliding into his role as storyteller. “So her methods were… unconventional and untrained.”

“But she can connect with a spirit of the Fade,” came a new voice. Entering the room was a red-haired woman that Hawke knew must be Leliana.

“And,” the woman continued, “my beloved is willing to make the connection to help her dear friend. She should be arriving tomorrow.”

“We will be safe for the night?” Hawke asked, frowning.

“As long as you are under my protection, no one will touch you,” Adaar said firmly.

“Why are you doing this for us?” Hawke asked, trying and failing to let his guard drop for even a minute. The world was cruel, they shouldn’t keep meeting people who were kind. First they met Adaar’s kind parents, and how she was going out of her way to help.

“It’s the right thing to do,” Adaar told him. “Anders started something incredible, something I never thought I’d see in my lifetime. Ever since I was a girl I’d known that tranquility would likely be my fate were I ever caught… thanks to him, there is a future where the next little Vashoth mage grows up without that fear. Where every mage has a family like I did.”

Leliana spoke next. “My feelings on his actions may be complicated, but he has allowed the dream of my beloved to come true. Adaar and I want to build a world without Circles, where people like my Regan will never be caged again.”

“And,” Varric added quietly, “… people care about him. He was a good friend.I wasn’t just gonna let him stay like this, and Commander Surana wasn’t either. You know, Hawke, you don’t have a monopoly on caring for Anders.”

Varric chuckled while he said it, but the sincerity in his voice brought tears to Hawke’s eyes.

“I…” Hawke said, making sure he kept his composure. “I suppose I just got used to being his only protector.”

“And you’ve done your job,” Varric assured Hawke. “You brought him here. Now let the rest of his friends and supporters handle it. We’ll bring him back to you.”

Hawke took a sharp breath, covering his face as he began to cry. This was real. This was happening.

#handers #anders/male hawke #anders/hawke #m!handers

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heyyyharry · 4 years

Text

Chapter 12: Closure

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Stay Mine)

…in which they’re the most happy they’ve ever been.

Warning: smut

Word count: 5.1k

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Wattpad link (Thea as Y/N)

There are three chapters left :)

This felt like a dream. He’d awoken beside her so many times before but it wasn’t until this morning that it felt official. He lay on his side with an arm folded under his head, taking in her sleeping face. She looked so beautiful and serene, just staring at her alone gave him butterflies in his stomach. He thought he was too old to feel this way; butterflies sounded so juvenile, but he was way past feeling embarrassed about it.

As if she could read his mind, her mouth gave a subtle twitch, and he could tell she was awake.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

Her eyelids fluttered as she blinked lazily at him. “I love it when you pull an Edward Cullen.”

Her voice was hoarse from last night, the memories of which made his hard cock jerk slightly. He stroked her naked side and dragged her closer. She nuzzled his neck as he kissed her forehead.

“You’re so warm,” she said. “And hard.”

He let out a small gasp as her cold fingers closed around his cock. All it took was her touch and Harry was a goner. Sex had been added to their morning routine a long time ago, but the idea of them getting to do this more often now that she lived here made it all more exciting.

They made love, and she’d come twice before he carried her to the shower so she could wash up and wouldn’t be late for work.

“There’s no need to rush,” she reassured him while he was washing her hair. “I’m buying us some more time together. I’m sure Eddie doesn’t miss me, but I’ll surely miss you.”

The beam on her face made his heart leap. He grinned, massaging her scalp while holding her gaze. “Look at you. We’ve only lived together for one day and you’ve already become clingy.”

She nodded and spread the soap across his chest. “By next week, I’ll be crying and hugging your legs when you leave for work. Don’t say I haven’t warned ya.”

He laughed and playfully bumped his forehead against hers. “Come on, Princess. Let’s get you cleaned and I’ll drive you to work.”

Eddie was over the moon to see Harry again. He literally pushed right past Y/N before she could say hello and tugged Harry into a hug. Harry hesitantly patted Eddie on the back, eyeing Y/N questioningly. She could only answer with a shrug while trying not to laugh at Eddie’s fangirling moment.

“Congratulations on your Oscar nomination!” Eddie pulled back, gripping Harry’s arms and grinning from ear to ear. “It’s just two weeks away! Are you excited? What are you gonna wear? Oooh, how are you gonna style your hair?”

“Jesus, let the man breathe, Ed.” Alice emerged from behind one of the shelves and ambled toward them, her burgundy lips arched at Harry. “I’m so sure you’re gonna win. You’re the best actor of our generation.”

“You’ve never watched any movie the other actors were in.” Eddie’s remark earned him a warning glare from Alice.

Harry laughed and waved her compliment away. “Don’t hype me up. It’ll just make me cry harder when I lose.”

“Don’t say that!” cried Alice.

Eddie turned to Y/N, his eyes gleaming. “Are you gonna attend the Oscars?”

“Of course!” She tousled Harry’s hair and smiled widely. “I cannot miss a chance to see Harry cry in public.”

“Jesus, be optimistic, you two!” Alice yelled, and Y/N responded with a shrug, pursing her lips.

“Lose or win, I’ll cry anyway,” Harry interjected.

“See?” Y/N pinched his chin and tiptoed to kiss his temple. “Only I get him the most.”

“Disgusting,” Alice jokingly coughed as she rolled her eyes and told them she’d have to finish sorting the new arrivals. Eddie seemed relieved that Alice was gone; he was desperate to have Harry’s attention again.

“So.” A smile crept up to his face. “Have you written your acceptance speech yet? Or do you have someone write it for you?”

Y/N snapped her head up to look at Harry with her eyes wide. “I haven’t heard you mentioned your speech.”

“Don’t need one.” He shrugged and draped an arm around her neck. “It’s not like I’m gonna win.”

“Are you joking?!”

“Y/N’s right!” Eddie looked overly distressed. “You can’t possibly think you’re not gonna win.”

Harry pursed his lips and let out a sigh. “This is my first nomination ever. And have you seen the people I’m up against? I’m just happy I got nominated, really.”

“Baby.”

“Yes, baby?”

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as she crossed her arms. “No, I’m calling you a baby. I’m insulting you.” The way she scrunched up her face cracked him right up. “I’m not joking! You have to take this seriously. What does Jeff have to say about this?”

“Up to you.”

“What?”

“He said, ‘Up to you.’” Harry chuckled. “So I guess it’s up to me.”

She scowled at him. “We’re so having this conversation tonight.”

“Uh-oh, is this where I regret asking you to move in with me?”

“You two are living together?” Eddie brightened, but then Y/N pressed her whole palm to his face and gently pushed him aside. If Harry didn’t know them, he might think she was the owner of this shop and Eddie was working for her.

“Have a good day, Eddie,” Harry told the lad and pressed a kiss to Y/N’s pouty lips. “I’ll pick you up tonight?”

Her expression softened with a beam. “I’ll stop by my place to collect some stuff. Once I’m done, I’ll call you.”

“All right.”

“Harry?” He turned, both eyebrows raised as she walked up to him and grabbed his face with both hands. He bit his lips to stifle a laugh since she looked so ridiculously serious. “Write that goddamn speech.”

“I’ll think about it,” he gleefully told her and ruffled her hair before heading out.

As soon as he got back to his car, his phone buzzed aggressively inside his pocket and he didn’t even have to check to know who was calling.

Gemma.

He considered her name for a long moment until he felt someone watching and spotted a random girl standing across the street, pointing her phone at him. This was why he hated showing his face in public. He waved politely at her and watched her squeal and run back to her group of friends. Hurriedly, he got into his car and drove off, crossing another crossroads before pulling over to answer his phone.

Gemma seemed determined to talk to him. He heaved a sigh as his thumb lingered above the screen, his eyes rolled skyward. Last night, he’d promised Y/N that he would give Gemma and Isaac a chance to properly apologize and explain themselves; he couldn’t back away now.

He slid his thumb across the screen and answered. “Hello?”

“Can we talk, please?” Gemma asked, sounding nervous and uncertain. “All three of us. You, me, and Isaac.”

He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “Okay. Where do we meet?”

“The coffee shop by your house?”

“All right. I’ll be there in fifteen.”

“Thank you.”

Harry only hummed as he didn’t know how to respond to that. He hoped he could manage to keep his composure when he saw the two of them together.

Gemma couldn’t recall the days when her family, all four of them, were happy together. She couldn’t recall how her parents had grown to hate each other. She didn’t even know what had been their first serious fight from which everything had fallen to pieces. When she’d been a little girl, her parents would always send her to her room before they’d started a fight. She’d thought they hadn’t wanted her to be scared. Now that she was older, she knew they had sent her to her room so she wouldn’t overhear something that would ruin her childhood. Somehow she was thankful for that.

However, one night, she had sat in the shadow of the stairwell, peering through the bannisters and eavesdropping them arguing in the kitchen. She’d heard something about a woman named Aleigh, or Alex, or Ally, and had assumed it’d been someone her parents had known from work. That woman turned out to be Emilia’s mother. Even back then, when Gemma hadn’t known who that woman was, she could already tell that that woman had been the reason for her parents’ endless fights, and she had resented the woman she’d never met before. She guessed she’d been right after all. Twenty years had gone by and that woman was still the reason for Gemma’s and Harry’s misery.

When Gemma had told Harry that Emilia’s mother was still alive and Emilia and Winton had been using him all this time, he’d been so calm it’d frightened Gemma. After much thinking, it’d occurred to her that maybe he’d known all along, not really known, but he’d felt something wrong and decided to overlook it all so he could live in the fantasy where Winton was good and misunderstood.

“I’m going to see him.”

“What?” Harry almost spilt the drink in his hand as he flinched. “Why? Gemma, this is—”

“I’m just gonna say a few words and then leave.”

Harry’s gaze jumped to Isaac. “Did you know about this?”

“Yes,” Isaac said.

“And you also agree she should go see the man who’s fucked us both over.” It wasn’t a question and Harry sounded genuinely pissed as he ruffled his hair and exhaled sharply. “Look, you don’t have to do this for me, Gem,” he told her. “The things I gave them, just...let’s just think of those things as an act of kindness. Just cut them out of our lives and get on with it. They don’t deserve that much of our headspace—”

“I want closure, Harry,” she blurted. “It’s easy to just cut people off but they’ll never really leave you alone until you have the final words.”

“You already wrote him a letter.”

“How do I know he’s read it? Besides, that was before I knew about the shady things he did with his new daughter.” She tried not to sound bitter, but from the look Isaac and Harry were giving her, she guessed it hadn’t worked.

“Okay, then I’d go with you,” Harry said.

“No way,” she scoffed.

Beside her, Isaac straightened. “Harry’s got a point. I can’t let you go alone.”

She whipped her head to him. “Winton’s not gonna hit me.”

All three of them froze. Harry mirrored her reaction with his eyes bugging out and his mouth hanging open. She couldn’t believe she’d said that.

“Gem,” Harry ventured, and her heart was thumping so loud it almost drowned out all the other noises. “You weren’t in a car accident the other night, were you?” She didn’t answer, but her unconsciously touching the bandage on her forehead had confirmed his guess. “That son of a bitch!” he half-shouted, receiving questioning stares from a few people around them.

“Winton didn’t—”

“Asher did that to you,” Harry asserted and then grabbed his phone. “I’ll call my lawyer right now.”

Gemma hadn’t got a chance to stop him when Isaac interjected, “Or we can just go to his house and beat the shit out of him.”

Harry slammed his phone down. “Great idea.”

“Stop! Both of you!” Gemma cried out and flung an apologetic glance at the couple sitting across the aisle, who were just trying to enjoy their breakfast in peace. She then turned back to Harry and Isaac, her arms folded, her fists clenched. “Just...let me handle this. I’m gonna handle this myself. I know you care about me but I’m not afraid of Asher. I mean, I was...but not anymore.” She shook her head to make the memories of that night vanish. “He’s gonna pay for what he did, but I’m here to talk about Winton and you’re not going with me, Harry. I want to speak to him alone.”

Harry was quiet for a moment, but he didn’t seem too opposed to the idea anymore. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked at last, his forehead creased. “About Asher and about...you two.”

“It’s...it’s me.” Isaac cleared his throat, giving Gemma a sideways glance. “I didn’t want to let you know—”

She held up a hand to stop him. “Isaac, don’t. You don’t have to take the blame. It was me,” she told Harry. “I was too afraid that you’d judge me and–and you’d get mad at both of us.”

“I would’ve got mad anyway,” he breathed. “But I’m not gonna abandon you or think any worse of you. You’re my sister and I love you, Gem.”

“I cheated on my boyfriend—”

“Who abused you.”

It hurt to hear her brother say the word. If no one had addressed it, she could have just pretended it’d never happened. But it had. Her ex-boyfriend had abused her, and it was just another ugly reality she had to face.

“Still, I could’ve left,” she whispered, eyes on her half-empty cup of coffee.

Harry reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “Gem, he wasn’t allowed to lay a finger on you no matter what you did.” She looked up and met his soft look. “I promise I won’t interfere,” he went on, “but can you promise me you will fuck up his life?”

She exhaled a laugh and nodded. “Promise.”

Harry leaned back into his chair, crossed his arms and considered Isaac. “What are your intentions with my sister?”

Gemma face-palmed herself as she felt Isaac squirm in his seat, apparently unsure if Harry was being serious or simply joking.

“I just want to make her happy, H,” he said. “If you don’t trust me, you can ask Y/N—”

“Just as I was about to forgive you!” Harry gasped dramatically, and Isaac let out a laugh. He exchanged looks with Gemma. Both were relieved to know that Harry wasn’t against them. “I’m glad that you two are happy,” Harry continued. “This is a bit weird but...I’ll get used to it.” Then he pinned Isaac with his glare. “If you break her heart, I will kick your ass.” To Gemma, he said, “And if you break his heart, I will tell mum.”

“Classic.” She snorted and rolled her eyes. “By the way, congratulations. Heard you moved in with Y/N.”

Harry’s eyes went round. “Who told you?”

“Y/N told Alice who told Niall who told me,” Isaac said.

Gemma folded her arms on the table, leaning forward. “Alice and Niall, huh?”

Harry waved off her speculations. “Niall would’ve told us.” Then he jolted with a start. “Well shit, maybe he wouldn’t.”

“The next time I see him, I’ll make him talk,” Isaac asserted. He and Harry fist-bumped, and Gemma couldn’t stop the smile on her face.

Y/N knew she’d run into him. He always got home early on Monday night, and still, she’d hoped she wouldn’t get unlucky. When had luck ever been in her favour twice a day?

She was locking the door with one arm carrying a box full of books when a voice came up from behind, “Do you need a hand?” And she felt her stomach clench and sweat trickle down her temple.

She looked over her shoulder, forcing a smile. “It’s fine, I got it. Thank you.”

Blake stood there with his laptop bag slung over his shoulder, waiting for her to finish, waiting for the conversation she’d been running from. Last night, she’d told Harry to talk to Gemma and Isaac and get his thoughts across, so she couldn’t possibly go against her own advice and avoid Blake until he moved back to the States. She might never see him again once he’d left, but she would never stop pondering over the things she could have said but didn’t.

She squeezed her eyes shut and slowly turned, curses springing up in her head. She hoped he couldn’t see past her tight smile, and if he did, it didn’t show.

Blake’s gaze fell to the box she was holding as he raised an eyebrow. “So you’re finally moving in with Harry.”

“Yes,” she answered then quickly added, “It has nothing to do with–”

“Me.”

Her mouth clamped shut.

She’d known this encounter would be awkward, just not this awkward. Her first instinct was to look around frantically as if seeking a place to run and hide. Blake seemed to notice her weird behaviours. He shifted from one foot to the other, staring at them like he normally would every time he got nervous. Whenever she saw him do something like this, she would see the sixteen-year-old boy she’d fallen in love with, then she would remember what he’d done to Laura, to her, and the picture of that sixteen-year-old boy would fade to black.

She heaved a sigh, held his gaze and nodded her head at the stairs going up to the next floor. He automatically followed. He put down his laptop bag beside his leg, and she hugged the box to her chest awkwardly. They sat on the bottom stair side by side. Something about the mood reminded her of their last afternoon together in Holmes Chapel. Their first goodbye. For all she knew, this could be their last.

“How did you meet Laura?” she broke the silence and watched Blake fidget uneasily. It was comforting to know that they felt the same about this situation.

“Her ex-husband was my professor,” he confessed.

“Well, shit.”

Her mindless response made him chuckle. “Yeah...Shit.”

“Were you in love?” This time, he cast her a questioning glance. “With Laura?” she ventured.

“No, I don’t think so,” he admitted. “I was really attracted to her. I’ve got a thing for smart and powerful women.”

She pursed her lips and released a long breath. “I mean, if I went to Yale, I would probably have a thing for smart and powerful women, too.”

He chuckled and waved off her comment. “Nah, it’s not Yale. I just always have.”

She blinked at him. When he caught her stare, she averted her eyes and tucked a strand behind her ear. He didn’t need to explain himself. She knew he’d meant her – she’d been the first ‘smart and powerful’ woman he’d fallen for, which should have made her feel flattered, but all she felt was sadness for Laura. Y/N knew what it was like to be wholeheartedly in love with someone who only loved one small part of you.

“Your book is still getting published, right?” Blake changed the subject, or maybe he really cared. Either way, she was relieved.

“Yes. Maybe I’ll send you a copy when it comes out?”

A hopeful grin lit up his face. “That’d be so cool. Can you sign it first?”

“Sure.”

Silence ensued.

“I’m not sure if you know this,” Blake trailed off. “But you smile the brightest when you talk about books...and him.”

Y/N was taken aback. She opened her mouth but didn’t know what to say. Blake smiled as if to tell her he wasn’t expecting a response, and it wasn’t until then that she noticed he also smiled the brightest when he was with her, even if they were talking about another man, the one she loved.

“I’m sorry for everything,” he spoke when she didn’t. “I was so selfish. I said I was doing it for you, but I guess I was doing it for me, too. I thought it could help me get you back, but it was never up to me to decide.”

“Thank you,” she mumbled. That sounded so out of place, but she didn’t know what else to say to him.

“Can we still talk sometimes?” he asked and bumped his shoulder against hers. “When I’m over you, of course.”

She was so relieved to hear his playful tone again. “And when will that be?”

He pursed his lips, his dark brows furrowed. “Let’s hope it won’t be too long.”

She said nothing, but she also wished that for him, and for them.

Gemma’s hands were shaking as she held the shoebox to her chest and knocked on the door. A voice from inside the flat told her to wait just a moment. She shivered as it was the first time in twenty years or so that she’d heard that voice again.

The door was unlocked, and she was standing in front of the man whose face had become a blur in her memories. He was much older now, still, something about him made her feel like time had never passed, and it’d been yesterday when she’d chased after his car, crying and begging him not to leave her behind. The only difference was, he was in a wheelchair now, and she no longer wanted him back.

“Can I come in?” she asked in a neutral tone despite the emotions in his eyes. She knew it wasn’t because he was happy to see her again after that many years. Winton was just shocked and scared to see her after what he and Emilia had done.

He had no choice but to invite her in. She took a seat on the couch in front of him, the shoebox on her lap. The first thing she set eyes on was the massive picture of him, Emilia and her mother. Gemma’s heart sank as she bit her lip and looked away immediately.

Winton asked her if she’d like some tea, and she refused. “I suppose your daughter has told you everything.”

He seemed startled by how straightforward she was. What did he expect, though? ‘Hello, how are you, Dad’? Never in a million years.

“I-I feel awful–” he started, but she wasn’t interested in hearing the rest.

“Save it,” she cut him off. “I have questions and I demand answers.”

“Yes, yes...of...of course,” he stammered, unable to look her in the eyes. “You deserve that.”

She almost said he was in no position to tell her what she deserved, but then she contained her anger and went straight to the point. “Were you cheating on Mum?”

His eyes grew big. When he received a stern look from her, he lowered his head and whispered, “Yes.”

She calmly nodded. “Did you leave us because that woman was pregnant with Emilia?”

“Yes.”

“Was there anything real about the stories you told Harry?” she went on, fisting the hem of her dress. “The trainers. The day of his football match.”

“I was at the game,” Winton blurted, still not looking at her. “B-Because your mother asked me to come. But I could only watch you from afar. I was too afraid that you wouldn’t want to meet me.”

Coward.

She sat up straighter. “And the shoes?”

This time, he took more than a second to answer. “They were Emilia’s.”

Arsehole.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I swear I’m a better father now. Just ask Emilia–”

“You’re an arsehole,” she raised her voice, causing him to jump in shock. “I don’t care how well you treat your new family, but you don’t make people and abandon them. Harry was only five years old when you left us. I fucking chased after your goddamn car and you didn’t even stop to tell me why you had to leave. You’re...you’re a fucking coward!” She schooled her face, trying her best to keep her voice clear and calm. “You’re a shitty person and you don’t deserve our forgiveness. I’m just here to see for myself how pathetic you’ve become. And do you know what the worst thing is?” Tears stung her eyes as her voice dropped, “I cannot feel the slightest amount of joy to see you like this.”

He stared at her with a pained look on his face. She fought back her tears and slammed the shoebox on the coffee table. “Here are your daughter’s shoes.” And took out some bills from her purse, put it on top of the box. “Hospital bills,” she said before he could ask. “Harry told me to tell you you don’t have to pay him back. Not every act of kindness requires something in return. It was what Mum has taught us.”

“Gemma–”

She stood up quickly and straightened her dress. “If you or your daughter ever bother us again, our lawyers will contact you. Good luck, Winton. You’re gonna need it.”

The front door swung open, and Emilia froze when she saw Gemma. Gemma didn’t pay her a second glance as she made her way to the front door as brushed past Emilia into the hallway. She didn’t look back. It felt like a ton of rocks had been lifted from her chest.

Now she could finally breathe, and move on.

“What are those?”

Y/N descended the steps of the building and shoved the box into Harry’s arms, grinning. “Books. This is just a corner of my bookshelf, by the way.”

He laughed and put it into the car before turning back to wrap his arms around her. She buried her face into his chest as he kissed the top of her head. It felt nice to just be able to hold her like this after a long tiring day. He could do this on repeat for the rest of his life.

“Maybe I’ll build you your own library in my house,” he said as she pulled back. “Like in Beauty and the Beast.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “I never knew a Disney reference could turn me on so much.”

“It’s me actually. I turn you on.” He pinched her chin and pecked her on the lips. “By the way, I talked to Gemma and Isaac today.”

“I talked to Blake,” she said nonchalantly. “How did it go?”

“Good,” he said, brushing her hair out of her face as a wind blew right through them. She pressed her body against his own and he wrapped her in his coat, leaving only her head exposed. “Is it just me or is it really weird to see them together?”

“It’s not just you,” she giggled, arms tightened around his waist. “But Isaac’s a really great boyfriend so don’t you worry.”

“Shut up! I don’t need that reminder from you of all people.”

His reaction got her laughing. “I’m yours. I always have been.”

He already knew that, but hearing it from her made his heart flutter every time. “And I’m yours.” He kissed her nose. “I hope you told Blake that when you talked to him earlier.”

Her cheekbones lifted as the corners of her eyes crinkled. “Blake told me I only smiled the brightest when I talked about books and you. So I think he knows.”

“Good.” Harry shrugged. “Maybe he does deserve redemption.”

When they got home, she told him to take a shower first as she had some work she had to finish. He assumed it was just her Uni assignments so he didn’t ask.

As soon as he stepped out of the shower, he screamed and almost tripped when he saw her standing right in the bathroom, holding some papers. She looked extremely serious even though he was naked and dripping in front of her.

“Okay, I have a few options for you,” she said, handing him the pages with her scribbles all over them.

He wiped his hands with one of the towels on the rack and took the papers from her. “What are these?”

“Your potential acceptance speeches.” She clasped her hands behind her back, grinning from ear to ear. “I wrote them at work and polished them up while you were in the shower. I don’t know what mood you’d like to go for so…” She peered over his hands and pointed a finger to each page. “This one is ‘Men also cry’. This one...is ‘I’m better than all of you bitches.’ This one, my favourite, ‘I don’t deserve this but maybe I do but I don’t wanna sound like a conceited asshole’. And here–”

He didn’t let her finish and crashed his mouth against hers. Startled, she pushed him away with a hand on his chest. Her cheeks were flushed, and it wasn’t from the steam. “What did I say about kissing me while I’m talking?”

He shrugged, grabbed her by the hips and her first instinct was to wrap her legs around his waist as he pushed her against the tiled wall. She was kissing him back when she saw the speeches she’d written scattered on the wet floor, and she let out a gasp so loud and patted him frantically on the chest. “Wait, you haven’t read them!”

He refused to put her down, his kisses trailing along her throat. “I’m not gonna use them.”

“Why not?” She pouted but didn’t protest when he unbuttoned her dress and let it fall to his feet. She wasn’t wearing underwear underneath, and he wasted no time to suck a nipple into his mouth. She moaned softly, fingers dug into his shoulders.

“Because I’m gonna write my own speech,” he said into her neck, smirking when she grabbed a fistful of his hair and tugged his head back so he’d look at her.

“Really?”

He nodded and pressed a chaste kiss to her cupid bow. “It’ll be for the best if I write it on my own.”

Her expression softened at once. “I trust you,” she said, brushing her thumb across his cheek. “When will I get to read it?”

“At the Oscars if we’re lucky.” He nudged her head back with his nose at her jaw and left open-mouthed kisses down her throat. She’d slid her hand between them, stroking his cock before guiding it to her entrance. She was so hot and wet and ready for him. His eyes squeezed shut as he laughed lowly into her skin. “Maybe I’d take you on the stage with me...and propose to you in front of the whole world.”

She gasped and eased down on his cock with a hand on his shoulder. Her eyelids fluttered and her voice was strained as she joked, “Don’t make me break up with you on live television, baby.”

He kissed her mouth again and thrust all the way in, making her drop her head back against the wall, panting heavily. “What a little brat,” he said through gritted teeth. “Normal people would find it romantic.”

“Have we ever been a normal couple?” she asked and bit his lip. “Now stop talking and fuck me.”

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